#but that's what happens when you're avoiding things right???

[soaps-mohawk]

Cherry Red, Crimson Blood

Chapter 45: Heat of the Moment

Summary: There's a nervous energy to the pack as you all deal with the looming threat of your oncoming heat.

Pairing: Poly 141 x reader

Word Count: 11,479 words

Warnings: Alpha/beta/omega dynamics, a/b/o, omegaverse, NSFW, 18+, explicit sexual content, smut, heat cycles, mating cycles, p in v sex, oral sex (f receiving), fingering, rough sex, biting, scratching, spanking (it's like once), squirting, knotting, some violent imagery, blood, slight angst, language, slight fluff

A/N: You're welcome

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“You look nervous.”

He gives Christine a look. She’s put her doctor hat back on, sorting through supplies Johnny and Kyle picked up on their run to town. His eyes track her hands to avoid staring at her face, watching as she tucks gauze pads into the first aid kit. He swallows thickly, nerves blooming in his stomach.

She is right. He is nervous. His thoughts have been racing since he said those words, since he made the decision to man up and help you through your heat. There’s no going back. He can’t change his mind on this.

No, he’s wrong. He’s not nervous.

He’s terrified.

“It’s okay to be nervous.” She says, snapping the lid closed. There’s stacks and stacks of boxes of nutrient bars and a stack of electrolyte drinks next to your door. The things that will keep you both alive during the next week.

“I’m not nervous.” He says unconvincingly.

It’s her turn to give him a look. “This is new for you, if I’m not mistaken.”

“You’re not.” He says, his fingers twitching where they rest against his knees.

“Well, then there’s some things we should go over that might ease your nerves a bit.” She says, shifting into doctor mode. “There’s a lot that can happen during an omega’s heat, but the likelihood of something bad happening is very slim. Bad things do happen, but it’s a very slim margin data-wise of it happening.”

“But it could still happen.” He says. There is still a chance. Things have happened before, they could happen to you.

She gives him a reassuring look. “You’re not going to hurt her. Omegas aren’t as fragile as you think. Especially not during their heats.”

“But us both being purebreds...the first time we had sex, it was out of control.” He argues.

“And that’s likely the worst it’ll get.” She says. “Being purebred gives you an advantage in a heat. You’re more in tune with your instincts, which in turn will make you more in tune with her during her heat. You’ll be more aware, more conscious of what she needs and what’s happening. No alpha truly loses themselves in a rut. Things get hazy, of course, but there’s still a deep level of awareness there.”

He ponders her words, the nerves starting to ease a bit, but they don’t go away entirely. He’s never done this before. He has no idea what to expect.

“Besides, you won’t be alone for a week. It’s not just a week straight of heat-induced haze. There will be periods of awareness when things die down for a bit. That’s where betas come into play. They come in, check on things, make sure you’re well and eating and staying hydrated.” She gives him a smile. “Johnny will be here for you, and Kyle’s done this twice so he knows what to do. And if nothing else, you have me here in case, on the very rare off-chance, something does happen.”

As much as he hates to admit it, her words to ease the worry just a bit. Still there’s that deep nagging in his stomach, a pit starting to form. He could hurt you. He could do permanent damage. The mental image of him coming out of his rut to a bloody corpse won’t leave his head. Your absent gaze on his face, wearing nothing but the look of betrayal. You trusted him and he shattered it.

“You’re just as bad as she is.”

The words draw him out of his thoughts. He’d floated off into his head, off into the distance where nothing but nightmares lie. He gulps, his eyes flashing to Christine’s face. She’s wearing a small smile, her eyes soft as she stares at him. He drifted off so easily, off into his thoughts just like you do. It unnerves him, but it also speaks volumes of his trust. As much as he doesn’t want to like her, he feels safe enough with Christine to lose his head.

What’s happened to him?

“It’s kind of boring really.” Kyle says, sorting boxes of nutrient bars, putting your favorites on top. “Just a lot of sitting around and listening to two people fuck the next room over.”

“Do ye ever…”

“Sometimes.” He answers. “It’s hard not to at first, but eventually you’ll get so tired of it you’ll pray for the end of the week to come faster.”

“I can’t imagine.”

“You will.” Kyle smirks. “It gets old pretty quick. You’re mostly just listening for any sounds of pain and waiting for a break so you can go in and check on them, make sure they’re eating and drinking.”

“What about that time ye joined them?” Johnny asks.

“That’s entirely different.” Kyle says after a moment. “Focus more on keeping them alive and well this time.”

Johnny goes quiet for a moment. Never a good sign. “Do ye ever get scared for them?”

Kyle is taken aback by the question. He pauses sorting boxes for a moment, thinking over how he’s going to answer that. “I did during her first heat.” He says honestly. “I half expected to walk in there and find a bloodbath or a dead body. I sat there and waited for a sound, ready to rush in there to try and prevent it from happening. It wasn’t needed, though. John took good care of her. It’s rough coming out of it, but they both made it.”

“What do ye do after?”

“First step is make sure it’s actually over. You can tell just by touching her. The fever goes down, she gets sleepy. You get them into a hot bath first, helps with their recovery and temperature regulation. You clean up and change the bedding while they’re in the bath. Then you get them settled in bed again, bundle them up. She cries a lot. Makes you feel bad but it shouldn’t. It’s just a natural response.” Kyle stares at the stack of boxes. “Then it’s just a lot of resting, trying to get them to eat. She’s good at knowing what she needs, and you just let her lead.”

Kyle puts a hand on Johnny’s shoulder, squeezing it gently. The Scot looks downright terrified, more terrified than Kyle’s ever seen him. He understands, though. It’s a lot to take in, a lot to understand, a heavy weight to bear. The weight of making sure two people lost in their instincts don’t die or kill each other on accident.

“Don’t worry too much.” He tries to comfort Johnny. “You’ve got me right here with you.”

The living area is dark. You can just make out the shapes of the couches thanks to the nightlight in the kitchen. It’s late, and there’s a nervous twisting in your stomach. You stand in your doorway, staring out into the darkness towards the black void that is the stairwell. Your hand is wrapped around the doorknob, the cool metal grounding you as you stand there in contemplation. You’ll wake them, no doubt, and that could be dangerous.

Still…

Your feet lift up onto your toes as you slowly cross the living area, skirting around the dark shapes of the couches. Your body pauses at the base of the stairs, glancing up at the black void above. The bottom of the steps are visible in the darkness up close, and you carefully lift a foot to place it on the wood. You pause there for a moment before lifting yourself, placing the other foot on the same step. The wood creaks softly under your feet and you pause, not even breathing in the stillness.

Nothing moves so you continue, taking it step by step as you tiptoe up the stairs. Every creak and groan has you pausing and for a moment you question if you should have risked it and turned on the light. Creeping around in the darkness with three well-trained soldiers sleeping nearby was probably not the wisest idea.

Still you press onward, pausing at the top of the steps, listening for any movement. You doubt you’d be able to hear them if they were alerted to a presence in their sacred area, but still you hold your breath, ears thrumming in the still silence of the house.

You turn on your toes, going for the door on the right. Your fingers wrap around cold metal, slowly turning. You half expect him to be up and waiting to ambush, but instead you can just make out his form tucked under the covers in the darkness. The door clicks shut behind you as you close it quietly, tiptoeing closer to the bed.

“Kyle?” You whisper, standing there nervously. What if you startle him? What if he stabs you before he realizes it’s you? “Kyle?” You whisper a bit louder.

He lets out a grunt, his head lifting off the pillow. “Huh?”

“Can I join you?” You whisper, relief starting to quiet the nerves. He had been asleep the whole time.

He hums, rolling over and lifting the covers. You quickly slip under the warm blankets, staring up at him in the darkness. You can just make out his tired eyes. You feel bad for waking him when he’s going to need lots of rest later, but you can’t sleep. Nerves untouched by relief still twist in your stomach.

“Kyle?” You whisper his name as he wraps an arm around you.

“Hm?” He hums again, settling under the covers again.

“It’s going to be okay, right?” You ask.

His hand presses against your back, warm through the thin t-shirt you’re wearing. “Everything will be fine.” He murmurs sleepily. “Simon’ll take good care of you.”

“You’ll be there too, right?” You doubt he’d leave, but still part of you needs that reassurance.

“’Course.” He says, pulling you close. “Be right there with Johnny.”

“I’m scared.” You admit quietly, pressing your face into the pillow.

“’S alright.” His breath fans the top of your head.

You lay there in silence for a moment, his breathing slow and even. He’s fallen back asleep, something you need desperately. You could go into head in a manner of hours for all you know. It’s dangerous, leaving your room at such a time, but you need the comfort of your beta right now.

You press your face further into the pillow, inhaling deeply. Something twists in your stomach as you lay there, breathing in the scent on the fabric. The nerves start to settle and you relax further into Kyle’s hold, keeping your face pressed against the pillow.

It smells a bit like John.

“I’m goin’ crazy.”

“You’re going crazy? How do you think I feel?”

“Does it normally take this long?”

“It happens when it’s going to happen.” Dr. Keller says, trying to placate your nervous pack. It’s been six days since you first began to go into pre-heat and everyone is a bit on edge. “There’s no set time between pre-heat and when the actual heat starts.”

“Wish it were like clockwork.” Kyle says.

“You and me both.” You sigh. You’ve been on edge ever since your pre-heat started, something you’ve come to expect. It’s nerve-wracking waiting for the inevitable. You’ll lose your mind, black out and a week will have passed when it’s felt like hours. It’s terrifying, and you’re never quite ready for it. “The anticipation is enough to drive you crazy.”

“Yer tellin’ me.” Johnny says, nervously bouncing his knee so hard it shakes the table.

“You have the easy job.” You snap, squeezing your hands into fists until your nails bite into your palms. The nerves continue to rise the longer the hours drag on. No one is doing anything but sitting and waiting for the inevitable fever that will hit you.

“The boring job is more like it.” Kyle says, trying to diffuse the attention. “Can’t even imagine being on the other side.”

“And you’ve seen it firsthand.” You say, remembering your second heat with John. The vague glimpses of Kyle in the dark haze.

Kyle smirks. “And what a time it was.”

“Fucking christ.” Johnny groans, putting his head in his hand.

“None of that this time.” Simon says, putting an end to the thoughts swirling in the Scot’s head.

“C’mon.” Johnny almost whines.

“No.” Simon puts his foot down. He doesn’t even glance at you. He doesn’t have to. As much as the idea is appealing, you’d rather your first heat with Simon be just with him. You don’t know how this is going to end, and you’d rather not have someone else be involved in the carnage that might remain by the end of the week.

Nerves still prickle under your skin despite your pack’s attempts at calming the tumultuous energy that’s settled over everyone. It’s almost too much now, your palms starting to sweat where your hands are still curled into fists.

“Be right back.” You murmur before pushing away from the table, heading towards your room.

You leave the door open but stand there for a moment, letting out a shaky breath. You stare at the bed, at the sad attempt at a nest of sorts. The big bear is on the floor, as Simon will want it when he gets sealed inside with you. He might see it as a threat and destroy it, even if the thought sounds a bit ridiculous. You have no idea what his mind is going to be like. He’s not like John. He’s rougher, harder, more intense. The thought has something twisting deep in your stomach.

He’s not the only one worried there might be carnage left.

Your first time together had been intense to say the least, and that was while you both had clear heads. Lost in his rut, Simon could easily do damage.

You remember the buckets of plaster, the paintbrushes in the sink, your mother’s long sleeved turtleneck in the dead of summer after coming home from the care center after one of her heats. There were bruises on her face too that she tried to hide with makeup. You were one of the few that got close enough to notice.

Something about it had made you sick, almost as if you knew that would be your future.

You let out a shuddering breath as you climb onto the bed. You sit yourself down in the center, staring at the pillows and stuffed animals arranged haphazardly. It’s not right, but there’s no drive to make it right, no urge to build a nest from what’s sitting in front of you.

“You can’t force it.” A soft voice says behind you.

You turn your head to glance at Dr. Keller. “Isn’t it dangerous, going into heat without the safety of a nest?”

“Not always.” She says, taking a few steps into the room. “You’ve gone through heats before without a nest. It’s riskier, but it’s not impossible.”

“This entire situation is risky.” You murmur.

“What makes you think that?” She asks, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

“Simon and I...we lose control around each other. I’m scared...I’m scared that might happen again. And without a nest to feel safe...what if I get violent? What if Simon takes it as a challenge? Will he be able to settle without me having a nest?” The words come pouring out before you can stop them, all of the worries bubbling up like a volcano about to erupt.

“I wouldn’t be too worried.” Dr. Keller says, trying to be reassuring. “There’s a lot that can go right, and the odds of that happening are far higher than the odds of things going wrong.”

“I’ve seen it.” You say quietly, staring down at the comforter. “What happens when it goes wrong.”

“Simon won’t hurt you.” She says, putting a hand on your back. “He’s more in control than you think. There has to be a drive there to cause pain for that to happen in a heat. Heats draw out raw instincts, peel back the layers to bring forth the hidden inner self.”

You think over her words, think of the remnants of violence you had witnessed as a child. It makes your stomach twist. Your father really hid all of that beneath the guise of being a perfect pack, a perfect alpha.

You’d be a fool to think your father ever loved your mother. I’d be even more foolish to think he ever even liked her. She was nothing more than a status symbol, something to give him what he desired and nothing more.

That’s the difference, though. Simon likes you. Love might be too strong of a word, but you know he at least enjoys your company. He wouldn’t go out of his way to hurt you. Even back when you were fighting just for tolerance of your existence, you knew deep down he’d never go out of his way to hurt you. He nearly fought an alpha for you within weeks of knowing each other. He willingly showed you his face and has gone without his mask since then.

He’d never hurt you. He’s never wanted to hurt you.

“You really think we’ll be okay?” You ask quietly, your voice small and broken as you stare at your lame excuse for a nest.

Dr. Keller rubs your back gently. “I know it.”

He’s not ready.

He has no choice but to be ready.

It happens suddenly, but then again he knew that would happen. There’s no head’s up, no countdown. It comes on suddenly and then it’s go-time.

His hands are shaking.

He already knew before Johnny ascended the stairs two at a time in a frantic race to get to him. He could smell it wafting up the steps before your cry of pain in the kitchen. It made him flinch, his entire body tensing. He knew what it meant, even if he’d never heard such a thing before now.

“Simon, it’s time.” Johnny says, panting slightly. From his run up the steps or the sudden burst of adrenaline he’s not quite sure. They’re all so out of shape compared to what they once were.

“I know.” He rumbles, setting his book on the nightstand. He hadn’t gotten very far in it. He’ll likely have to restart it in a week. He was barely paying attention to the words on the page anyway.

It’s time.

He has to keep telling himself that as he rises from the bed. He debates shoes but thinks better of it. There won’t be any use for them. They’ll just be in the way. Even if something does happen, he’ll be too lost in his head to care much anyway. They’ll be entirely reliant on Johnny and Kyle to watch the house, and them.

Something about that is comforting.

Simon takes the steps slowly, descending with heavy footsteps. He feels as if he’s heading to his funeral. In a way he is. The death of his old self, the death of his boundaries, the death of his fear of vulnerability. Once he passes through that door, there will be nothing left of his old self.

Perhaps that’s a good thing.

He pauses halfway across the living room, pulling his phone out of his pocket. Still no word from Price. Something itches in the back of his mind but he shoves it aside. No time to think on that right now. He almost pockets his phone again, but he thinks better of it. He passes it off to Johnny, the Scot standing there, pale and wide eyed. He’s just as nervous as Simon feels inside, and he can practically hear his beta’s racing thoughts.

“Keep an eye on it.” He says, putting a hand on Johnny’s shoulder. “Any word you tell me as soon as this is over.”

Johnny can’t do anything but nod, his throat bobbing as he gulps.

“You’re a good lad, Johnny.” Simon squeezes his shoulder. “I trust you.”

Something shifts in his beta’s eyes at the words. He needed to hear that, Simon thinks. He’s got a big job to do, even with Kyle here to guide him.

Simon turns towards the other beta, giving him a nod. He can smell you already, your scent heavy in the air, clinging to your beta’s clothes.

It’s making his head start to go fuzzy.

He takes a breath, staring at your closed door. It’s now or never. There’s no going back once he enters. Some deep part of him wants to turn tail and run, escape out the door and never come back. Some deeper part of him wants to take the source of that scent in his teeth and shake it like a dog.

He’s not sure which one is more terrifying.

His fingers tremble as they close around the knob. He takes another breath, trying to ease the tension in his shoulders as he slowly twists.

The scent hits him like a train.

He’s never been hit by a train, but he’d imagine it’s something like this.

It barrels into him, invading his senses and numbing his mind. His thoughts start to seem far away as he breathes in the overly sweet musk spewing into the air like a fountain.

His eyes search out the source, and he finds it on the bed.

He finds you on the bed.

You’re laying there, naked as the day you were born, panting like a bitch in heat. You are, he supposes. You’re on your back, knees bent and thighs pressed together. There’s a hand between them, and he can just see the subtle movement of your fingers.

Needy little thing.

A low growl rumbles in his chest as he takes a step forward, closing the door behind him. It seals the two of you in, closing the last barrier between the you and the outside world for the next week.

His scent starts to mingle with yours, thickening in the air as his body responds to the pheromones from your heat. He read about this, he read about all of it in preparation. Yet those facts seem far from his mind as he stands there, breathing you in.

How sweet. How delectable.

He could devour you right now.

“Simon,” You whimper his name, pathetic and quiet. Your fingers tremble as you reach out a hand for him. “Help me.”

Something stirs in him at your begging tone. You need him. You need him to help you. He’s the only one that can.

The thought has his alpha stirring in the back of his mind. Something he hasn’t felt in a long time starts to run through him.

He crosses the room in three long strides, his hand reaching out for yours. It’s warm to the touch as his fingers trace your palm. It’s so soft and feverish, sweat beading on your forehead as you stare up at him with hooded eyes. He didn’t think your whole body would be hot with your heat. He thought it was more metaphorical.

So little he truly knows.

Your fingers wrap around his wrist as his own slide down yours. Your grip is weak, squeezing as tightly as you can.

“I’ve got you.” The words rumble out of his lips, his fingers closing around your own delicate wrist. Your scent invades his brain, continuing to thicken in the air as your fingers squelch in and out of your pussy.

He bends his body down, pressing his nose against your wrist, drinking from the source. It’s so sweet, sweet enough he’d have a mouthful of cavities if one could turn this scent into candy. He wants to bite down, wants to sink his teeth into you and chew until there’s nothing left.

A rumble of approval vibrates in his chest, your body shuddering in response. A quiet whine leaves your lips, pulling him out of his haze.

“Fucking hell…” He groans, standing back up to his full height. He stares down at you, at your pathetic form laying there in the bed. “Look at you.”

Sweat has coated your skin in a shiny sheen as you lay there in the ghastly overhead light. He should turn it off. He knows how much you hate it, but he can’t move. He can’t bring himself to care. His very being is starting to slip away, being replaced by a primal need to bite, to chew, to shake, to devour.

“Alpha,” You whimper, laying there panting under him. Your fingers attempt to squeeze his wrist but the motion is weak and more of a twitch than anything.

The word coming from your mouth has a tingle starting in the base of his spine, shooting up into the deep parts of his brain. His alpha purrs proudly, practically preening at the sound of its status leaving your lips in such a desperate manner.

You need him.

“Say that again.” He almost growls, his head starting to spin. It’s a euphoric feeling and he’s barely touched you.

“Alpha!” You call out, your voice pitched with a whine. Your legs pull up off the bed, curling in on yourself in desperation.

You need him.

His fingers slide down your arm, gliding through the sweat soaking your skin. He wants to lick it, taste you in your most base form. Desperate and needy for what only he can give you. Only he can offer you relief to the plight plaguing you.

The power goes straight to his brain, then down his spine to his cock.

It’s hard already. He’s been hard since he walked into the room and was hit with the barrage of your scent. His cock had twitched to life, standing at attention, ready and waiting. His jeans are uncomfortable and he almost wishes he’d opted for sweatpants.

His hands close around your upper arm, tugging you across the bed. You move without resistance, sliding across the thin sheet. The bed protector crinkles under your body, the small protection for the mattress from the slew of fluids destined to coat it over the next week. He doubts Kyle’s parents would be happy if they destroyed the mattress.

The idea of leaving his mark here forever has his mind reeling, though.

His mouth starts to water as he tugs yo rather harshly, spinning you so your feet rest on the edge of the bed. You’re still panting as you stare up at him, your pupils blown. Goosebumps cover your skin despite the heat flowing through your body as you hold his gaze.

Bold, he thinks. Part of him wants to punish you for staring at him so openly, but another part of him loves it. Your defiant nature, the thing he knows lays deep inside of you, coming out to play.

You can call me alpha now. The words ring through his head. He wanted to punish you then, when you’d uttered those words. How dare you make such a bold claim. Yet at the same time it amused him. Little omega trying to play big alpha leader. He wonders what would have happened had he succeeded to you. Part of him wants to do that now, just to see what you’d do.

Did John ever let you take control? It wouldn’t have lasted long. His instincts would have taken over quickly. What would you do if he laid down in your place and let you take control.

No, he wants to be in control.

He stares down at you, holding your gaze. Your fingers are still moving between your legs, pumping in and out in a desperate attempt to ease the need throbbing deep within you. No matter how much you want to take over, you still need him. You’re nothing without him right now, and that thought makes him shiver.

“Look at you, all needy f’me.” He murmurs, his fingers toying with the bottom of his shirt. His clothes are starting to feel constricting, heat blossoming beneath his own skin but he’s too caught up to care. “Show me.” His voice rumbles deep in his chest. “Show me how much you need me.”

Your teeth sink into your lip, little minx, as you part your thighs. They’re wet with your juices, your fingers still stuffed into your little pussy. Slick dribbles out around them, your entire had soaked from the fluid. A low rumble vibrates in his chest as he stares down at you, his fingers darting down to wrap around your wrist.

He tugs your hand from between your legs, slick dripping off your fingers and onto your stomach as he holds it in the air. Your pussy flutters around nothing, more slick seeping out of the drenched hole. You let out a low keen as he growls, your legs trying to close together in search of friction.

“Fucking hell…” He groans, dragging a hand across the bulge in his jeans.

He releases your hand, his own finding the backs of your thighs. He pushes your legs up to your chest, guiding your hands to hold behind your knees.

“Hold those f’me.” He orders you, his hands sliding down to the curve of your ass. His thumbs pull you wide open, your hips pressing up into his hands.

“Need you, alpha.” You whine breathlessly, the need evident in your voice.

It goes straight to his head, making his mind buzz with excitement and pride.

You need him.

“Need you now!” You whimper, pressing your hips up again.

A yelp leaves your lips as his hand comes down, his fingers stinging from the sharp slap he delivers to your pussy. “Patience.” He snaps, taking a step back.

He stares down at you, laying there spread open for him. He wants to devour you, and his brain is trying to decide which part to taste first. Your skin, your mouth, your pussy. Hell he’d suck on your toes right now if it means he’ll get to taste you.

Impatience tugs at his own mind. He’s wasted enough time dragging this out. He needs to act and fast, not just for his own sanity, but for yours as well. He watches your face, lips parted as you breathe. Your chest is heaving, body trembling from the effort of holding yourself up. He knows you’d lay there the entire week if he wanted you to, but that would be cruel.

Finally he moves, dropping down to his knees in front of you. Kneeling for you already and he hasn’t even gotten you to do that yet. He could have. He could have commanded it as soon as he walked in and fucked you just like that, starting this process off quickly.

No, he wants to savor this as much as he can before he loses himself too much.

Your pussy clenches as he comes face to face with it, inhaling the musk floating off of your body.

“Look at this pretty little pussy.” He growls, goosebumps forming on your skin where his warm breath fans it. “All wet and dripping just for me.”

You taste like heaven.

His vision nearly goes white as he drags his tongue through your folds for the first time. He could cum in his pants just from tasting you, like a needy pup getting his first look at a bare set of tits. A growl rumbles through his chest, his hands lifting to press against the backs of your thighs.

“Sweet as sugar.” He growls, dragging his tongue through your folds again to get a second taste.

Just as heavenly as the first.

He wants to bury his face in your pussy and never come out. He could crawl in there and live happily for the rest of his life.

He dips his tongue into your hole, slick coating his tongue. The muskiness of your slick paired with the sweetness of your pussy is umami on his tongue. He’ll never taste anything as good as this. Now he understands why alphas get so addicted to heats. He’d happily do this for the rest of his life if he could.

You whine at the third pass of his tongue through your folds, your hips pressing against his hands.

“Patience,” he murmurs, pressing a soft kiss to your clit. It’s hard under his mouth, slick dribbling out against his chin.

His shirt is going to be stained, but that’s fine. He may never wash it again.

“Please, alpha.” You whine, your hands sinking into the sheet under you. You’re so desperate, so needy for relief, relief only he can bring you.

The power is going to his head, traveling straight downward to his cock.

He shushes you softly, pressing another kiss to your clit before he wraps his lips around it. He sucks hard, slurping at your slick-coated folds. Your legs shake around his head, toes already curling. You’re so close already. You have to be after fingering yourself for so long.

His head is starting to spin, shivers running up and down his spine as his instincts start to come alive. He has a need to have you, possess you, devour you. His teeth scrape your clit, a sharp whine leaving your lips at the sensation. His fingers bite into your skin. He’ll leave bruises but he doesn’t care.

Omegas aren’t as breakable as you think. Christine’s words float through his head.

He’s going to find out one way or another.

He presses harder against your thighs as they attempt to close around his head. He wants you splayed open like a piece of meat set out for him. This bed is the table, and you are the dinner laid out for a starving man.

He sucks messily at your pussy, drinking in your slick and sucking at your clit. Your whines are getting sharper, louder as you get closer and closer to your orgasm. He can feel it, more and more slick seeping out of you and coating his face as your pussy flutters.

“Alpha!” You cry out as your first orgasm washes over you.

You shake under him, slick gushing out of you from the force of your first orgasm of the week. He doesn’t ease up, wrapping his lips around your clit to drag out your orgasm as much as he can. You’re still hot under his touch, sweat coating your skin and his where his hands press your legs into your chest.

“Good girl.” He mumbles around your clit, giving it a soft kiss before dragging his tongue through your folds again to gather your release.

It’s musky on his tongue, tinged with your natural sweetness. He could get addicted to this taste. He could spend the next week with nothing but his tongue buried inside of you. That would be cruel, though.

That’s not what you need.

He doesn’t relent though, his tongue pressing into your heat to drink from the very source. His face is slick from your juices as he fucks you with his tongue, his fingers bruising on the backs of your thighs. It’s a miracle you haven’t gotten a cramp yet, but perhaps you don’t care.

Omegas aren’t as breakable as you think.

He wants to test that.

You’re a whining and shaking mess as he buries himself in your pussy, nose pressing against the hard bud of your clit. Your body jolts, pushing up against his face. He’d drown here happily, but he has more to do. He doesn’t want to die just yet. Not before he’s had the chance to stick his cock in you.

He lifts his head, slick sliding down his throat and onto his chest as he licks his lips. He pushes himself up to stand, looming over you as he presses you down into the mattress. Your eyes are hazy, lips still parted as you stare up at him. The fine strands of hair that refuse to be tamed by your braid are sticking to your forehead, pinned there by the sweat soaking your skin. There will be an imprint of your back on the sheet from your sweaty body, he thinks.

He’d roll around in it if he could.

He finally releases you, your legs slowly dropping downward. You’re unable to hold them up on your own, already weak in your own need. He leans over you, pressing a knee between your thighs as his hands sink into the mattress on either side of your head. His jean-clad thigh presses against the heat between your legs, your hips jerking against the fabric.

His hand slides up your body, dragging through the sweat between your breasts, up your throat to your jaw. He grips it tightly, digging his fingers into your cheeks.

“Look at you.” He rasps, pushing his fingers downward. “Open.”

You do as he says, opening your mouth for him.

He leans down, a glob of spit dropping from his mouth onto your awaiting tongue. He doesn’t even have to tell you to do it as you close your mouth and swallow.

Bloody fucking hell.

He leans down, pinning your body to the mattress as he leans down to kiss you. “Missed this pretty mouth.” He groans, forcing your lips open with his tongue.

Your hips grind against his thigh as he kisses you, smearing your slick across your own face. It’s wet and sloppy, desperate and needy. He’s growing just as needy as you are, his cock throbbing as you wrap your arms around his back. Your hip drags along the bulge in his pants as you grind on his thigh, his own hands gripping the sheet this time.

“Fuck…” he groans, pulling away from your lips. “Gonna make yourself cum just like this? Gonna make yourself cum against my thigh like a needy bitch in heat?”

“Yes, alpha!” You whine as his lips trail down your jaw, licking at the sweat on your skin. Fuck you taste so good.

He drops his head, nudging your jaw with his nose. You tilt your head, submitting to him without protest. His alpha purrs in delight as he closes in on your neck, pressing a soft kiss against the sweaty skin. He scrapes his teeth across the delicate skin, the idea bouncing around in his head to leave bruises, to mark you up.

Omegas aren’t as delicate as you think.

His teeth close around a bit of skin, sinking down until you let out a quiet yelp. He releases the skin, pressing a soft kiss to the spot before moving further down your neck.

Your hands sink under his shirt as you continue to hump his thigh, nails biting into the skin of his lower back. He lets out a growl, biting down on your throat again. You sink your nails in harder, trying to hurt him as much as he’s hurting you.

Feisty thing.

He relents first, giving you the satisfaction as he returns to your lips, giving you a searing kiss.

“Alpha,” You moan against his lips, your nails raking up his back. It makes him shiver. “Touch me.”

“You want me to touch you, omega?” He growls, nipping at your lips.

You whine, your hips jerking against his thigh.“Yes! Please!”

“So polite.” He grins. “How can I say no?”

He pushes himself up, leaning a hand on the bed as his other hand trails back down your body. He pulls his leg away, your hips jerking in protest. He smirks, his fingers ghosting over your clit before cupping your pussy. He can feel the pulse of it against his fingers, slick instantly coating his skin.

He doesn’t hesitate, sinking two fingers into your heat. You whine, hips bucking at the intrusion. His fingers sink in easily, almost as if your body is opening in welcome for him. It is. He can feel the pull of your walls, trying to drag his fingers in as deep as they’ll go.

Fascinating.

He can only imagine how it will feel against his cock.

“Fuck,” He groans, your pussy nearly pulsing around his fingers. It’s almost as if it has a mind of its own. It does, he supposes, in your heat. It’s controlling you, desperate for what it wants, what it needs.

The thing only he can give to you.

It nearly makes him preen, the thought that you’re at his mercy. He can delay your relief as long as he wants.

The power sends a shiver down your spine.

Your pussy flutters around him, tugging at his thick fingers even though they’re as deep as they can go. He grunts, your body pulsing around him as he pulls them back, only for it to pulse again as he sinks them back in. It’s like it’s moving with him, squeezing as he pulls back, tightening as he sinks back in like it’s trying to drag his whole hand into your body.

He might be able to do that right now.

Why he had waited this long to experience this, he doesn’t know. Fear? He doesn’t know fear right now. Doubt? There’s no thoughts in his head, only how much he wants to devour you whole.

“Fuck,” he curses again, his cock throbbing painfully. “I would have said yes to this sooner if I knew it would be like this,” he groans, pushing his fingers in as deep as he can. “Fucking perfect little omega. Just for me.”

“Just for you,” You whine, pushing your hips against his hand.

Shit.

“Needy little thing.” He grunts, curling his fingers inside of you and he slowly pushes them in and out. “Can make you gush around my fingers just from this, huh?”

“Please,” You breathe, clenching around his fingers as the heat continues to burn beneath your skin. You’re so hot around him, not and tight and slick. “Need your knot, alpha.”

“My knot? Oh, love we’re nowhere near that yet.” He grins wickedly at you.

You whimper, the fluttering of your pussy around his fingers intensifying as he begins thrusting them in and out of you faster. He pushes against that spongy spot, angling his thrusts there. Your hips jerk, legs already shaking. He loves this, his little party trick. Even in your heat-induced state it still has your eyes rolling back in your head, pleasure taking over your body.

“Alpha,” You pant, your legs shaking uncontrollably. “Alpha, please!”

“I’ve got you.” He grunts, speeding up his thrusts. “I’ve got you.”

You nearly scream as your entire body shakes, fluid squirting all over his hand. Your hands wrap around his arm, and he’s not sure if you’re trying to push him away or pull him closer. The wet squelch of his fingers is loud in the air, his hand continuing to push against that spot to drag your orgasm out as long as he can.

“Please, please!” You gasp, body writhing on the bed.

He finally relents, withdrawing his fingers from your pussy. He drags them through your soaked folds, your juices only adding to the slick pouring out of you.

“Fucking hell.” He groans. “Fucking beautiful, that is.”

For a moment it almost looks like you get a bit bashful at his praise. It’s quickly taken over by another shudder of your body, your hands tugging on his arm. He leans over you again, kissing your lips softly. He keeps his fingers stroking through your folds, every pass of his fingers over your clit making your body jolt.

His mouth leaves your lips, his tongue dragging down your jaw to lick at the sweat on your skin. It tastes musky, not unlike the musk between your thighs. You’re delectable, like a gourmet dessert designed specifically to his tastes.

You tilt your head for him again as he drags his tongue down your neck, submitting to him once more.

“Good girl.” He groans, a shiver running down your spine at the praise.

“Need your knot, alpha.” You gasp.

His lips tease the spot right where your shoulder and neck meet. The idea floats through his head but he shoves it back. Not now. Not here. Not like this.

He can’t let go like that. It’s not his place.

“You want my knot?” He growls, distracting himself from the thoughts banging around in his head.

“Yes, please alpha!” You nearly cry, your hips pushing against his hand.

He’ll be kind, this time, he decides.

He pushes himself away from you, a shiver running down his spine. You stare up at him, legs drooped over the side of the bed. You make no move to shift your position, and he’s not sure you can right now.

“You want my knot?” He asks, his voice low and rough around the edges. His alpha is beginning to crawl out of the cage as his head continues to spin. He’s getting close to losing himself, getting close to that darkness that threatens to swallow him whole. A shudder runs through his body. “I’ll fucking give it to you.”

His shirt nearly tears as he rips it over his head. He doesn’t care, letting the fabric drop to the floor. His belt nearly hits you as he rips it free from his pants, tossing it to the floor somewhere. You’re watching him undress, something he once might have felt too vulnerable to do. Now it has him beaming with pride at the pleasure on your face. You like what you see, if your wide eyes and parted lips have anything to do with it.

He drops his jeans, kicking them off before he stalks towards the bed, naked and vulnerable. Yet, it doesn’t feel that way, shut in here with you. You’re just as naked and open, lost in your instincts and fully trusting in him. Something about that makes his cock twitch in pride.

“Present for me.” He growls, uttering the words the once thought he’d never say.

A visible shudder runs through your body at the command, and suddenly you have the strength to turn yourself over. You drag your body up the bed, pushing your knees under you before lifting your ass into the air.

“Fucking hell…” he groans, staring down at your dripping folds on display for him.

He gets it now. He understands. How stupid he was to turn this down the first time.

He cups your pussy, feeling the warm wetness of it against his palm. “You want my cock, little omega?” He growls, his cock twitching in anticipation. “You want me to stuff this little pussy full?”

You whine, arching your back to push your ass into his hand. “Please, alpha!”

You yelp as he brings his hand down on your ass. He watches it jiggle as he fists his cock, squeezing around the base to stop himself from cumming. He hasn’t even gotten inside of you yet and he’s already twitching.

Like a needy little pup.

He steps forward, dragging his head through your folds. You whine, trying to push back on him. He watches, his head catching on your entrance. It’s hypnotic, watching you so desperately try and take what you need.

He’s made you wait long enough. He’s made himself wait long enough.

“Alpha!” You whine indignantly, trying to urge him to hurry up and fuck you.

The power goes straight to his head.

He’s not that cruel, though.

Another whine leaves your lips as he finally relents, pushing his hips forward as he guides his cock into your heat. He nearly cums himself as he finally sinks into your waiting pussy, your walls immediately clamping around him. You’re so tight and warm, fluttering around him to try and drag him deeper.

“Shit.” He hisses, resting a hand against your ass as he frantically squeezes the base of his cock.

Who has the power now?

The thought has his alpha rearing up in protest.

You try and push back against him, try to force his cock in deeper but he stops you, pushing you forward instead. The top half of your body pushes into the mattress, arching your back up higher. He doesn’t even think to check as his hands close around your hips, gripping tight enough to bruise as he slowly presses his cock further into your dripping pussy.

Slick seeps out around him as he forces himself down deeper, spreading you open around his meaty cock. It’s like your body is welcoming him in, squeezing and pulsing as if it’s trying to pull him in deeper. He’s never felt anything like it, and he doesn’t think he’ll ever feel the same again.

There’s no resistance as he pushes in to the hilt, hips pressed up against your ass. Your moans are muffled, back arching as you push back against him almost like you’re trying to take him even deeper. He’s giving you everything he’s got, and yet it doesn’t seem to be enough.

It’s not.

He knows what you need, but he wants to savor this as long as possible before he loses himself. He wants to remember this. He’s not sure he’ll ever get the chance to do this again.

He wants to do this again.

Your body flutters around him as a shudder runs down your spine. He watches the way you twitch, feet brushing his thighs as you try and squeeze your legs together. You have to be dying with anticipation, waiting for him to make his move, waiting for him to give you what you need.

His hands tighten around your hips, the skin indenting as he slowly draws his hips back. Your body pulses around him, trying to pull him back in. He watches his cock, shiny with your slick, draw back out of your body before he presses back in, being sucked down deep into you. He repeats the motion, groaning at the feeling of your body doing what it’s supposed to do. It’s desperate for his cock, for his knot, and it’s trying to milk that from him.

He won’t give in so easily, no matter how badly he wants to do it.

He drags a hand down your back as he speeds up his thrusts, the wet squelch of your pussy loud in the room, nearly as loud as your needy moans. Slick dribbles down his thighs, coating his skin in your juices. It’s obscene, but it’s delicious.

His hand drops to your pussy, gathering some of the slick forced out of your body by his cock on his fingers. He brings them to his mouth, dragging his tongue across his digits to taste you again. Sweet, musky, just a hint of his own taste on his tongue.

Delectable. It makes him want to eat you alive.

“Fucking beautiful pussy.” He groans, thrusting back into you until his hips meet your ass. “All wet and warm just for me.”

“Just for you, alpha.” You say, your voice muffled by the mattress.

A low growl rumbles in his chest, his thrusts speeding up even more, becoming almost brutal as he fucks you. His status falling from your lips in such a vulnerable position has his head reeling, his alpha scratching at its cage to finally be released, to finally get a chance to devour you in all the ways he wants to.

He forces it back, just for a moment longer. He wants to savor this. He wants to make this last as long as he possibly can.

Your body is limp under him, held up only by his hands. You can’t do anything but lay there and take his cock like a good omega. It has his cock throbbing inside of you, pulsing in time with your pussy. You’re going to cum soon. He can tell by the frantic squeezing of your walls around him and the whine pitched in your moans. You’re close, and he’s going to carry you over that edge.

“Alpha!” You whine as he angles his thrusts, his cock pushing against that spot inside of you with every downward movement of his hips.

“Cum for me.” He grunts, pulling your hips back against his with every thrust. “Come on, give it to me.”

Your body shudders, hands sinking into the sheets as you come alive. It’s almost as if he commanded it, your pussy squeezing so tight around him he nearly sees stars. It takes everything in him not to spill into you as you cum, warm slick gushing out around his cock, dribbling down your thighs and the side of the bed.

He doesn’t slow his thrusts, the tugging on his cock from your spasming pussy nearly enough to send him over the edge. He wants this to last as long as he can make it.

Your body sags against his, exhausted from the heat ravaging your body and your orgasm. He pulls out of you, ignoring your whine of protest as he pushes you forward onto the bed. The mattress dips under his weight as he climbs up beside you, maneuvering your body so you’re on your back in the middle of the bed.

You stare up at him with hazy eyes, your chest heaving as you pant. From exertion or your heat, he’s not sure. Perhaps both.

He pushes your legs up with his knees, draping them over his thighs as he leans over you. He stares down at your face, sweaty and blissed out. Your pupils are blown, lips kiss bruised and swollen. His thumb drags through your folds before he lifts it to your face, smearing slick across your lips. Your tongue darts out, licking at his thumb as he presses it against your mouth.

Your lips part, allowing his thumb to press into your mouth. Your tongue is warm as it drags over his skin, cleaning your slick from his thumb. He groans at the sight, his fingers sinking into the sheet next to your head.

Your teeth scrape his skin as he pulls his thumb free, sliding it down your chin to your throat. You tilt your head back, exposing the delicate area to him. He longs to sink his teeth into your skin, taste your blood pooling in his mouth. Drool gathers on his tongue, threatening to slip through his lips as he stares at the sweat-slick skin.

His hand closes around your throat, keeping your head tilted back as he sits up. Your throat bobs under his hand as you swallow, fingers digging into the sides of your neck as he holds you there. His cock twitches in excitement, so hard it’s almost painful as he stares at you, laid out before him, completely at his mercy. It’s like an erotic painting, the alpha in control, the omega in her place beneath him.

He could cum just like this, paint his seed all over your stomach.

That would be a waste.

Instead he shifts his hips, lining up his cock again before thrusting into you. Your body opens itself to him once more, inviting him right in. He sinks in to the hilt, hips pressed flush against yours as he leans over you. Your pulse thrums against his fingers, beating fast almost in desperation for what your body needs.

He tilts your head back up as he starts to move his hips, grinding in and out of you slowly. You flutter around him again, legs twitching where they lay draped over his. It’s intense, it’s intimate, it’s a position he never would have allowed himself in had he been in his right mind.

He’s not in his right mind.

He’s so far from his right mind he’s lost sight of himself, of his fear, of his worry. The weightlessness of his brain is euphoric, the last strands of himself left holding onto the cage of his alpha.

He stares down at your face, your gaze holding his. Your eyelids flutter, lips parting as you whine. The sounds vibrates against his hand, your head pushing against his fingers where he holds you still.

“Look at me.” He whispers, still grinding his hips into you. “Look at me.”

You do, eyes wide as you stare up at him. He wonders how much of you is left in there, if you’ve lost yourself completely yet. You’re unable to voice much more than mutterings of his status and pleads for what you need. He wonders just how much of you remains in such a base form of your instincts. Are you even aware of what’s happening?

He squeezes his hand around your throat lightly, constricting just slightly. Your eyes widen, a flash of panic washing through them before it fades as he releases you.

Oh yes, you’re still in there.

He picks up the pace, snapping his hips against yours. Your pussy continues to flutter and pulse around him, pulling him in and sucking him deeper. Your lips are parted, quiet moans leaving your lips, vibrating against his hand. Liquid seeps out of your mouth, sliding across your cheek before hitting his thumb where it rests by your ear.

You’re drooling.

How cute.

A shudder runs through his body as you squeeze around his cock, his balls twitching as he fights an orgasm back desperately. He’s not ready for that yet. Neither are you, he decides. His desire to stretch this out as long as he possibly can winning out against his body’s need for relief.

He releases your throat, his hands sliding up the bed as he lays himself down on top of you, pinning you to the mattress. Your body is hot and slick as it meets his chest, his sweat mingling with yours. It’s hot in the room already, the air damp with sweat and the scent of sex.

He almost misses the cold air in the barracks.

If he had more of a brain, he’d tell them to turn the heat down. Let them freeze if it means things are more comfortable for the two of you.

Your arms wrap around his back, dragging him from his thoughts. You’re moaning in his ear, body arching against his. It’s a beautiful dance, one so in-tune with nature. Humans in their most natural forms, feeding their base instincts.

He wishes he could record this in his mind, keep this memory alive for the rest of time.

“Fucking hell…” He breathes, grunting as you squeeze around him again. You’re close. He can tell by the way your pussy flutters around him.

So much he’s learning about your body.

How little he really knew.

He presses his face against your throat, breathing in your scent. It floods his nose, sinking straight into his brain.

Omega, omega, omega.

His alpha chants it like a mantra over and over. There’s an omega under him. He’s balls deep in an omega right now. He’s got an omega in heat pinned beneath his body, completely at his mercy.

A shiver of power runs down his spine.

He needs you to cum again. He needs to feel you try and milk his cock while he withholds what you need once again.

“Cum for me.” He growls in your ear, your body shuddering against him. His teeth sink into the lobe, not hard enough to draw blood, but enough to pull a yelp from your lips. “Cum for me again.”

It’s like he has complete control of your body as you spasm around him, letting out a shrill whine as your nails bite into the skin of his back. He doesn’t care, the pain throbbing at the base of his cock. It’s almost too much. He almost can’t hold it as you flutter around him, trying to milk his cock again. You’re early searching out what you need, but he won’t give it to you.

Not yet.

He lays there for a moment, squishing you into the mattress but you don’t seem to care. You’re still wrapped around him, nails still sunk into his skin. Your pussy continues to flutter around him, oversensitive and desperate, but still eager. Your bodies are both slick with sweat and fluid, and he can feel the wet spot forming on the sheets from where your slick has been forced out by his cock.

Thank goodness for mattress protectors.

He understands their necessity now.

“Please, alpha,” you beg weakly in his ear, finally relinquishing your hold on him to slide your hands down his back.

“Tell me what you want.” He mumbles in your ear.

“Your knot,” You whine, arching up into him. “Please give me your knot.”

So polite, even lost in the daze of your heat.

“Bloody fucking hell.” He groans as your begging goes straight into his brain. He’s held off long enough. He’s tortured you by withholding this for long enough.

He pushes himself up on shaky arms, the exertion starting to wear on him just as much. He can only imagine how you feel. For a moment he considers doing it right here, like this, but it’s not right. No, he wants to see you again.

“Present for me.” he commands, watching in awe as your body immediately moves.

You roll yourself over, popping his cock out of your pussy as you move. It hangs there, red and soaked with cum and slick. You push yourself over onto your knees, front half pressed into the mattress as your hips lift up, presenting yourself to him.

A glob of slick pushes out of your pussy, drooling out onto the mattress below you. He watches it fall, watching where it starts to seep into the fabric.

Bloody fucking hell.

He can’t hold back any longer. He might cum just sitting here if he’s not careful.

Simon pushes himself up onto his knees, his hand fisting the base of his cock. His free hand slides over the globe of your ass, your skin hot to the touch. He leans forward, unable to help himself as he sinks his teeth into the soft skin. You let out a yelp, hips jerking against his mouth. His hands hold your hips still, his teeth biting down until he feels the skin give. A thin trail of blood seeps onto his tongue as he laves it over the mark he’s left. Your legs are shaking, a quiet sob leaving your lips.

How beautiful.

He straightens himself back up, staring at the mark on your ass before he’s shuffling himself forward to your body.

Your pussy invites him in again, still pulsing around him as he sinks into you. There’s no resistance, no fight as he sinks in to the hilt at once. You’d let him do anything to you in this state, and that thought has his head reeling.

He composes himself, hands squeezing around your hips before he starts to move, unable to hold himself back as he snaps his hips into your ass. A muffled whine leaves your lips, muted against the mattress as you lay there, bent in half for him. His hand slides down your spine to your head, fingers slipping into the braid Johnny had done for you this morning.

Was it this morning? An entire day could have passed already and he wouldn’t know.

He’s far too lost in the way your pussy flutters around him, trying to coax his knot from its recesses. He can feel it, the pulsing at the base of his cock, the pressure starting to mount. He won’t be able to stop it this time. You’ve decided it’s time and so has his cock. He’s lost control, and that makes his alpha nearly scream.

His hand grips your hair, tugging you up onto your hands. He holds you there, suspended by his hand, held up only by him as he fucks you hard. His own desperation is clouding his mind, his alpha pushing against the cage. He won’t be able to hold on much longer. There will be no stopping his alpha once he’s free.

His hips slam against your ass, the pressure at the base of his cock intensifying. He stares down at it, at the skin starting to stretch and inflate. He has to pull back, making his thrusts shallow as his knot forms. You whine at the change, pushing your hips back against his cock. No doubt you can feel it, the edge of his knot pressing against your pussy with every thrust.

How is that going to fit in there? He muses.

Where there’s a will, there’s a way, he supposes.

He watches his knot as he continues to fuck you, watching it catch on the rim of your pussy with every thrust forward. You’re a moaning mess, half begging incoherently, half whining in need. He’s so close to giving you what you need. You’re so close to relief. It’s just up to him to give it to you.

Another shudder runs down his spine.

His hand slips from your hair to the back of your neck, gripping you tightly there. He stares at it, the way his hand looks around the back of your neck. Is that what it looked like when he scruffed you? What if he did that now? How brainless could he make you with the simple shift of his fingers?

Your body shudders, your whines slurring together, almost as if you’re drunk. Perhaps you are, your body wearing down after being denied for so long.

“You want it?” He grunts, pushing his knot against your pussy.

You whine in answer, pushing back against him, lifting up off your knees to try and push his knot into you.

He releases the back of your neck, his hands falling to your hips. “Fucking take it.” he grunts, pushing his hips against you as hard as he can on his next thrust.

Your body shudders as his knot starts to push into you, spreading you open even wider. He watches in amazement as your pussy stretches to accommodate him, your walls sucking him in even more. His hips continue to move, thrusting shallowly as his knot is pushed completely into you.

It’s unlike anything he’s ever felt before.

You’re so tight around him, gripping him like a vice. He can’t pull back, locked inside of your hot pussy by his knot. He can’t stop his hips as they try to pull back, tugging on the knot. It’s almost painful, but it’s making his head spin. He’s so close to cumming, so close to finally getting his own relief.

Your body is shuddering, whines leaving your lips with every tug of his hips. He keeps moving, keeps chasing his own high. He’s so very close, the way your pussy is nearly suffocating him enough to send him reeling over the edge.

He sees stars as he cums, his vision going white as he spills into you. He pushes his hips against your ass as hard as he can, his body folding over yours. His cock is throbbing, pulsing in time with your pussy as you milk him for every drop he gives you. You’ve cum again, he can tell by the way you pulse around him.

Your body is shuddering and shaking, getting heavier in his arms. There’s a puddle under your bodies from sweat, slick, and drool.

Drool begins to form in his own mouth as you let out a keening whine, tilting your head to the side, bearing the right side of your neck to him.

“Do it.” You whisper, arms trembling where they attempt to hold you up.

He stares at your neck, at that spot between your shoulder and your neck. It’s calling out to him, singing a siren song to draw him in to his doom. He stares at your sweat-slick skin, indented by his fingers still wrapped around the back of your neck.

It would be so easy.

He’s already sunk his teeth into you twice. What’s one more time?

You let out a whimper, going limp in his arms. He continues to stare at that spot, and he can almost see the pulsing of your desperation, your need, your want in it. How easy it would be, how simple it really is. It’s just a bite and you’re tied together for the rest of your lives. Is it really you in there? Are you asking him this by your own volition, or is it your heat-clouded mind asking something you don’t want.

Or is it something you want being driven forward by your heat?

Could you want it? Would you have asked if you didn’t? What if he makes a mistake?

His knot throbs inside you, his cock finally at ease after getting what he needed. His alpha rears in his head, pushing through the cage of his mind as his vision starts to swim. He still stares at your neck, drool sliding down his chin.

Do it, his alpha goads him. It’s so simple. Just a little bite.

He stares at that spot, the fingers on the back of your neck tightening their grip.

It would be so easy.

His head is spinning, his vision going dark around the edges.

It really is so easy

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[summertimesadnessirl]

The next step in the comic is when this person intentionally picks a fight with you. No matter what you say. No matter how you say it. Even if you discussed this before. Even if you came up with like, an action plan. Even if you carefully selected someone who you thought you could trust. Someone who would never.

If someone talks to you when you're overstimulated you should literally go ahead and start the fight yourself (I've never tried that but it's the one thing I haven't tried) because there is nothing you can do to stop the fight from happening. It is impossible. You got caught not being happy in public so now you probably lose this person as a friend or a useful ally or a significant other or a trusted person or whatever they are forever, and if you don't you are going to be at their mercy and owe them apology and deference for the rest of your relationship and they will never trust you and always pick fights with you and know that as soon as they goad you enough you will lose even if you're right so they can do anything they want and get away with it because you can't fucking control the volume of your voice. You're a loser. You're a baby. You're a monster. You're committing assault. You are not free. This is a cage. These are the bars of your cage. Anyone can lock you in it at any time for free. You begin to claw at your skin again, but it won't come off. It won't come off and you are too aware of it. People aren't watching. Thank God people aren't watching. If someone catches you clawing at your skin they will throw you in a cell for 72 hours. No one will actually do anything in the cell, but the government will take your tax refund for almost 6 years to pay for the cell and you will miss so much work you almost get evicted. Your boyfriend will yell at you a week after he cried and went down on you when you got out because you can't tell him how to fix your depression and the "emergency plan" you filled out with the doctor said "I have no idea just leave me alone in a corner someplace with my headphones." It's never about you. It's never about you. You aren't even allowed to die because your life is not your own. You can leave this boy but there will always be another boy. It could be a girl instead. They could be your "boss" or "friend" or "business partner." If they catch you unhappy in public they will also be a cage. Anyone can always turn into a cage. You wish you were actually in a cage most of the time, so you consider committing a crime. You think you could probably surprise your cell mate in prison with something weird enough that they would beat you to death or you would get solitary. That sounds easy. You only have to worry about one person and they also got thrown into a cage. They have a way you can lock them up, too. You don't care unless they can beat you to death. Pen stabbed into the brain. You can't hang yourself. You can't explain why you can't hang yourself. You are afraid death won't take if you hang yourself. You will wake up, somehow. You need it to be permanent. You need it to be over. Then you hear that in prison, they can force you to work in a call center.

They don't cover that part. That everyone wants you to be the biggest bitch in the world because then you don't get to be a person. They see that you are stressed out. They aren't fucking stupid. They want to make it worse because they want to hurt you. You learn that no one who says they are your friend will not sell you out. Will not gaslight you. Will not trick you or trap you or force you. Other people keep telling you to stop being avoidant and ask for help.

[ivyues]

Echos of Home: Stray Kids' reactions to their S/O not being close with their parents

Bang Chan

The front door clicks shut, quieter than usual, but it’s enough for Chris to hear from the living room. He frowns, glancing at the time on his phone. You weren’t supposed to be back for another few hours.

“Babe?” His voice carries through the apartment as he stands up, walking toward the entryway. When he sees you, his expression softens, but there’s still a flicker of concern in his eyes. “You’re back early.”

You nod, setting your bag down a little too carefully, like you’re keeping yourself in check. “Yeah. I’m back.”

He studies you for a moment, his head tilting slightly the way it does when he’s trying to piece something together. He knows – has always known – that things with your parents aren’t exactly smooth. There’s no big, dramatic fallout, no abusive history, just a constant, lingering sense of not quite fitting in with them. Conversations that feel like walking through a minefield, small comments that chip away at you, a love that never feels warm enough.

Chris takes a step closer, reaching for your hand. “What happened?”

You shrug, not really wanting to get into it. “Nothing new.”

His thumb brushes over your knuckles, grounding, patient. “Wanna talk about it?”

You shake your head. “Not really.”

He just tugs you into his arms, wrapping you up in a hug that is nothing like the ones you get from your parents – half-hearted, obligatory. No, this one is firm, warm, steady. You melt into it before you even realize how much you needed it.

His chin rests atop your head, his voice gentle. “You know you don’t have to go if you don’t want to, right?”

You close your eyes, exhaling slowly. “I know.”

“And you know that no matter what, you always have a home here with me?”

Your throat tightens, but in a good way. In a way that makes you feel safe. “Yeah,” you murmur. “I know.”

Chris squeezes you a little tighter before swaying side to side, humming softly. You’re home. That’s all that matters.

Lee Know

It wasn’t unusual for you to be at his parent’s house; in fact, it was almost expected at this point. His parents had practically adopted you into their family, treating you like one of their own. His mom always insisted you stay for dinner, and his dad would ask you about school or work like he would his own son. With the cats curling at your side, it felt warm here – comfortable, safe.

That’s why, when Lee Know casually mentioned, “You know, I think you spend more time at my parents’ house than at your own parents’,” with a teasing smile, he didn’t expect the way your body tensed ever so slightly.

It was brief, almost imperceptible, but he caught it.

You let out a small laugh, but it didn’t quite reach your eyes. “Maybe you're right.”

He didn’t press, not yet, but the thought lingered in his mind. And then, as if the idea had just struck him, he said, “Maybe next time, I should come over to your place. Your parents probably think I don’t exist.”

Your reaction was immediate. A flicker of hesitation crossed your face, and for a moment, you looked like you wanted to say something – anything – but then, you just shrugged. “They’re busy,” you said vaguely. “They wouldn’t really care.”

That didn’t sit right with him. You had always been good at avoiding certain topics, but this one was different. This wasn’t just avoidance – it was reluctance, something deeper.

He tilted his head slightly, his voice softening. “You never really talk about them.”

You forced a smile. “There’s not much to talk about.”

Lee Know didn’t push. He knew you well enough to understand that if he did, you’d only retreat further into yourself. Instead, he nudged your arm lightly. “Well, if they’re too busy, you know that you can come over any time. I start to think that my mom already likes you better than me.”

Changbin

Changbin slumped onto the couch beside you, letting out a dramatic sigh. “When was the last time you even visited your parents?” he joked, nudging your shoulder playfully.

You snorted, rolling your eyes. “Oh, you know,” you said with heavy sarcasm, “got yelled at for every life decision I’ve ever made. Good times.”

The teasing glint in Changbin’s eyes disappeared in an instant. He frowned, tilting his head to get a better look at your expression, but you avoided his gaze, pretending to scroll through your phone. His heart sank at the forced nonchalance in your voice.

“Wait… what do you mean?” His voice softened, laced with concern.

You shrugged, trying to play it off. “You know how they are. Nothing I do is ever right. I could be a literal millionaire and they’d still find a way to tell me I messed up.” You let out a small, humorless laugh. “It’s just how it is.”

Changbin didn’t laugh. He didn’t even smile. “That’s not how it should be, though,” he murmured. “You deserve better than that.”

You blinked at his sincerity, feeling a lump form in your throat. “It’s fine, Bin. I’m used to it.”

He sighed, shifting closer so your shoulders touched. “That doesn’t make it okay,” he countered, his brows knitting together in frustration. 

You hesitated for a moment before speaking again, voice barely above a whisper. “Sometimes, I wonder if I could ever be a good mom,” you admitted. “like… I never really got to experience what having a good mom feels like. What if I mess up the way they did?”

Changbin’s eyes softened, and he gently cupped your cheek, forcing you to meet his gaze. “Hey,” he said firmly. “You are already so full of love and care. The fact that you worry about that proves you’re going to be amazing. You won’t be like them. You get to choose the kind of parent you want to be.”

Your heart swelled at his words, warmth spreading through your chest. You had always carried the weight of your strained relationship with your parents alone.

“Yeah,” you whispered. “I know.”

Hyunjin

Hyunjin had never been one to push too hard when it came to personal matters. He understood boundaries, respected them even. But every time the topic of parents came up – his or yours – you always managed to steer the conversation elsewhere. And most importantly, you had never once mentioned introducing him to them.

At first, he brushed it off, thinking you were just taking things slow. But after nearly a year together, it stung. It made him wonder if there was a reason, a reason that had everything to do with him.

That thought festered in his chest until one evening, it finally slipped out.

“Do you not want me to meet your parents?” His voice was soft, uncertain.

You blinked, caught off guard. “What?”

“I mean… we’ve been together for a while now, but you never bring it up.” He forced a small chuckle, trying to keep his tone light even though it felt anything but. “I just… I guess I can’t help but wonder if it’s because of me.”

Your heart sank at the vulnerability in his voice. “Hyunjin—”

“Is it because I’m an idol?” He cut in before you could explain. “I know that might be weird for some parents, and if that’s the case, I get it. But I just—” He exhaled sharply, running a hand over his hair. “I don’t know. It feels like you don’t want to include me in that part of your life.”

You swallowed hard, guilt settling in.

“Hyunjin, it’s not that I don’t want you to meet them,” you said carefully, fingers gripping the fabric of your sleeves. “It’s just… my relationship with my parents isn’t great. It’s complicated.”

His eyes searched yours, confusion flickering across his face. “Complicated how?”

You hesitated. “We don’t really… talk much. When we do, it’s tense. We just don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things.”

Hyunjin’s expression softened slightly. “Then why didn’t you just tell me that?”

“Because I didn’t want to talk about it,” you admitted. “It’s messy and frustrating, and I didn’t want to drag you into that.”

“But I want to be dragged into it,” he said, leaning forward. “I want to understand what’s going on in your life. That includes the bad parts, too.”

You looked away, the weight of his words settling in. “I guess… I was embarrassed.”

Hyunjin’s brows furrowed. “Embarrassed?”

“I don’t have the kind of parents who are loving and supportive,” you admitted, voice quieter now. “And I didn’t want you to see that and think less of me.”

“Y/N, I would never think less of you because of something like that.” He reached for your hand, squeezing it gently. “I just wanted to understand. I thought… I thought you didn’t want me to meet them because of me.”

You exhaled shakily. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel that way.”

Hyunjin shook his head, lips pressing into a thin line before he let out a breath. “I just want you to trust me enough to talk to me about these things.”

“I do,” you said quickly. “I just… I didn’t know how.”

Han

"So you don’t want me to meet your parents?" Han repeated, his voice softer than you expected. Not quite hurt or offended – just… concerned.

You swallowed hard, nodding. "It’s not that I don’t want you to. I just— I don’t think it’s a good idea."

He tilted his head, studying you. "Can you tell me why?"

You hesitated. Han had always been so good at making you feel safe, but there was still a deep-rooted instinct inside you that told you to keep this part of your life locked away. It wasn’t that your parents were abusive, not in the way people might think, but they had never really seen you. Not truly. Their love came with conditions, with expectations you could never quite meet.

"I just… I don’t want to put you in a situation where you're not treated well," you admitted, forcing yourself to meet his gaze. "They don’t respect me, Han. And since you’re with me, they won’t respect you either. I don’t want that for you."

"I get it," he said quietly, his voice steady. "And I love that you’re thinking about me. But, baby… you don’t have to protect me from them."

You opened your mouth to argue, but he shook his head before you could.

"I’m not saying we have to go to a family dinner or anything," he continued. "But you don’t have to carry this alone. I know it’s complicated, and I know it sucks. But I don’t want you to think that you have to shield me from this part of your life just because you’ve been dealing with it alone for so long."

Your throat tightened. "But they’ll—"

"They can think whatever they want about me," he interrupted gently. "What matters is what you think. And if they don’t respect you, that’s on them. That’s not a reflection of who you are, and it’s definitely not going to change how I see you."

You exhaled shakily. "I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to let you meet them. I've spent too much time hoping they'll change."

Han smiled, squeezing your hands reassuringly. "That’s okay. We’ll take it at your pace. Just… don’t shut me out, okay? I want to be here for you. For everything."

Felix

Felix stretched his arms, groaning slightly as he leaned back against the couch. The two of you had been catching up on life the whole evening. He had just been telling you about his latest video call with his parents, laughing about how his mom still worried if he was eating enough.

"Honestly," he said between bites of the cookies he had brought over, "I think I see my parents more often than you see yours."

You froze, your fingers tightening around the mug of tea you were holding. The playful lilt in his voice made it clear that he hadn’t meant any harm, but the words hit you harder than you expected. Your mind ran through the last time you had actually visited your parents.

Felix must have noticed your sudden stillness, because when you looked up at him, his brows were slightly furrowed, eyes searching yours. 

"You’re not wrong," you admitted quietly, sipping your tea to avoid his gaze. "I think you really do."

"Oh. I— I didn’t mean to... I was just joking."

"I know," offering him a small smile. "It’s just… true."

A beat of silence stretched between you. Felix set his cookie down, shifting closer until his knee bumped against yours. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

You hesitated. It wasn’t that you never talked about your parents, but it always felt exhausting to explain the complicated mess that was your relationship with them. They weren’t cruel or absent, just distant – close enough to be in your life, but never truly present.

"Not much to say, really," you murmured. "We just don’t talk much. It’s always… weird. Like we don’t know how to be around each other."

Felix listened, nodding. "That sounds really lonely."

Your lips parted slightly, caught off guard by the simple truth in his words. "Yeah," you admitted, voice barely above a whisper. "It kinda is."

Felix didn’t say anything at first. "You know," he said, voice warm and sure, "family doesn’t have to be just the people you’re born with."

Your chest tightened, not with sadness, but with something gentler.

Felix grinned, before nudging you playfully. "Well, for what it’s worth, my parents love adopting people into the family. You might already be part of it without knowing."

Seungmin

The living room was quiet except for the occasional tapping of Seungmin’s phone as he scrolled, stretched out comfortably on your couch. You sat beside him, your head resting against the couch cushion, feeling the warmth of his presence next to you. 

Then, your phone buzzed on the coffee table.

Mom flashed across the screen.

Seungmin glanced at it briefly before looking at you, expecting you to reach for it. But instead, you pressed decline without a second thought.

He blinked, his brows furrowing slightly. "You’re not gonna answer?"

You shrugged. "Nope."

He sat up a little, setting his phone down. "Why not? It could be important."

"Unlikely," you muttered, avoiding his gaze.

The confusion on his face lingered for a moment before realization set in. "You don’t really talk to her much, do you?"

You sighed, leaning back against the couch. "Not if I can help it."

Seungmin didn’t respond right away, just watched you carefully. When he spoke again, his voice was softer. "You guys don’t get along?"

"Not really," you admitted. "We just... don’t see things the same way. Talking always turns into a disagreement, and honestly, it’s exhausting. It’s easier to just not deal with it."

Seungmin hummed, a quiet sound of understanding. 

For a moment, he just sat there, thinking. Then, without warning, he leaned over and lightly nudged your shoulder with his own. "You don’t have to pretend you’re fine."

You glanced at him, surprised by how easily he saw through you.

He tilted his head, his expression unreadable yet undeniably gentle. "You’re allowed to be upset about it. You don’t have to act like it doesn’t bother you."

Something in your chest loosened. You hadn’t even realized how much tension you’d been carrying until now.

"Thanks," you murmured.

He gave you a small, reassuring smile. "Anytime." 

I.N

You sighed as you scrolled through your messages, the same feeling of disappointment creeping in. Your parents had sent another message in the family group chat – one of their usual updates about your sibling, filled with admiration and excitement. You were happy for them, truly. But every time you saw their name being praised while yours was barely acknowledged, the ache in your chest deepened.

I.N sat beside you on the couch, watching your face shift from neutral to something more distant. He nudged your arm gently. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

You hesitated before tilting your phone toward him. He skimmed the messages, his features tightening as he put the pieces together. He already knew the story – how your relationship with your parents had grown distant ever since you chose a different path, how they seemed to relate more to your sibling, leaving you feeling like an outsider in your own family. He also knew you weren’t looking for pity.

Instead of offering empty words, I.N put your phone aside. “Does it hurt?” he asked quietly.

You swallowed the lump in your throat. “A little,” you admitted. “I mean, I moved out as soon as I could, and I’ve been independent for a while, so I shouldn’t care so much. But… it’s like no matter what I do, I’m not enough for them.”

I.N frowned. “That’s not true. You are enough. They just… don’t see you the way they should, and that’s on them, not you.”

You looked at him, feeling a flicker of warmth in his gaze. He wasn’t trying to fix it. He wasn’t telling you to move on or pretend it didn’t matter. 

“You’ve built a life for yourself that you love, haven’t you?” he continued. “That takes courage. And just because they don’t recognize it doesn’t make it any less real.”

A small, wobbly smile broke through your somber expression.

I.N grinned, giving your hand a playful squeeze. “I just know you. And I know that you deserve to be seen, to be valued. Even if they don’t show it, I will.”

You exhaled, leaning into him, resting your head on his shoulder. “Thank you, Innie.”

masterlist

[saebyeokbliss]

JUST MEET ME AT THE APT.— K. SAE-BYEOK

CHAPTER NINE

synopsis: managing a rising rock band is already chaotic enough, but when you're stuck touring with four reckless musicians, things get even messier. between late-night facetime calls, teasing that feels a little too knowing, and a certain guitarist who might just be your biggest problem, keeping things professional is getting harder by the second. but hey, no one said the music industry was easy.

warnings: mutual pining, intense eye contact, teasing that borders on flirting (or maybe it is flirting), friends who refuse to mind their business, secondhand embarrassment, slow burn that burns, emotional whiplash, online scandals

playlist: spotify

It started with a tweet.

A blurry, low-quality video posted by some fan who had managed to sneak backstage. The caption was cryptic but damning:

"WTF did Jisoo do to make Kang Sae-Byeok this mad???"

And underneath it—

A video of Sae-Byeok pinning Jisoo against the wall.

The audio was grainy, muffled by the distance and the hum of post-show chaos, but some words were crystal-clear.

"I don’t want to see you near her or the girls ever again."

"You don’t get to come in here and make her feel like nothing."

The internet exploded.

At first, there was confusion. Speculation. Wild theories about why HOT DIVISION’s lead guitarist was this close to throwing hands with an influencer-turned-socialite like Jisoo.

Then came the sides.

Some people immediately took Sae-Byeok’s, praising her for standing up for whoever she was talking about. Others rushed to defend Jisoo, twisting the narrative into something uglier—something about how aggressive Sae-Byeok had looked, how scary her temper seemed, how it was unprofessional for an artist of her status to act like that.

And then, of course, the worst theory took hold.

That it was about you.

Screenshots of old photos resurfaced—pictures of you with the band, of you standing next to Sae-Byeok at award shows, of you in the background of HOT DIVISION’s biggest moments. Someone even found a picture from that night, showing you leaving the backstage area just moments before the video took place.

And suddenly, you weren’t just the band’s manager anymore.

You were the reason for the fight.

The narrative twisted: Sae-Byeok was in love with you. Jisoo had done something to you. You were caught in the middle of some messy, behind-the-scenes drama that no one was supposed to know about.

It spiraled fast.

By the next morning, articles were being written. Think pieces dissecting Sae-Byeok’s reputation, questioning her professionalism, debating whether or not HOT DIVISION’s label would make a statement.

And through it all—

You stayed quiet.

Because you knew exactly how this worked.

Scandals like this didn’t just pass. They grew until someone stopped them.

And that someone had to be you.

You found Jisoo before anyone else did.

She had been avoiding the internet, dodging calls, probably waiting for it all to blow over before she made her next move. But you weren’t going to give her that luxury.

You cornered her in the back of a café, where she had been sipping an overpriced latte like her name wasn’t being dragged online.

She barely had time to react before you sat down across from her, fixing her with a look that made it clear you weren’t here to play games.

"Fix it," you said, voice steady.

Jisoo blinked. "Excuse me?"

You leaned forward. "You fix it. You clear it up. You tell everyone exactly what the fuck happened before this gets worse."

She scoffed, setting her cup down. "I don’t owe anyone anything."

Your patience snapped. "Are you serious? You owe Sae-Byeok everything right now. Because you’re sitting here, drinking your stupid fucking latte, while she’s getting torn apart for something that wasn’t even her fault."

Jisoo frowned, finally looking uncomfortable. "I didn’t mean for any of this to happen."

"But it did," you said sharply. "And I’m not letting you be the coward who lets her take the fall for it."

A beat of silence.

Jisoo looked away, jaw tightening. "I didn’t think she actually cared that much."

You exhaled through your nose, forcing yourself to stay calm. "That’s the problem. You never thought about what you were doing. You never thought about how it made me feel—how it made her feel."

She swallowed. "I just… I didn’t think I was doing anything wrong."

You shook your head. "Exactly."

Jisoo sighed, rubbing a hand down her face. "So what do you want me to do?"

"Tell the fucking truth," you said. "Make a statement. A video. A post. I don’t care. Just fix it."

She hesitated.

Then, finally, she pulled out her phone.

And for the first time since this entire mess started—

She actually did something right.

Jisoo’s video went up within the hour.

It wasn’t perfect. It wasn’t some grand, emotional apology.

But it was enough.

She admitted that she had been careless, that she hadn’t realized how much she was excluding you, that she had walked into HOT DIVISION’s space without thinking about how it might have made you feel.

And most importantly—

She cleared Sae-Byeok’s name.

She explained that the argument wasn’t about anything romantic, that there was no secret drama or jealousy, that Sae-Byeok had only been angry because she had stood up for you.

The backlash didn’t disappear overnight. But it shifted.

Now, instead of attacking Sae-Byeok, people were applauding her.

And you— You finally let yourself breathe. But the damage had already been done.

And you weren’t sure if things could ever go back to the way they were before.

Dinner was quieter than usual.

Not because there was tension—no, after everything that had happened, the tension had finally cracked, leaving something raw and unspoken between all of you.

The girls had chosen a small restaurant, tucked away from prying eyes and the chaos of the internet, somewhere they could just be without worrying about cameras or fans or another scandal brewing.

And tonight, for the first time in a long time, they weren’t just HOT DIVISION.

They were just friends trying to make things right.

Ji-Yeong was the first to break the silence, setting her chopsticks down. "Alright, let’s just say it."

Se-Mi exhaled. "Yeah, we fucked up."

No-Eul nodded. "Big time."

Sae-Byeok, sitting across from you, was unusually quiet, arms crossed, her gaze flickering between you and the others.

Ji-Yeong leaned forward. "Look, we got caught up in our own shit, and we didn’t notice how much we were leaving you out. That’s on us. Completely on us."

Se-Mi sighed. "We should’ve realized sooner. We should’ve—" She hesitated, then met your eyes. "We should’ve been better friends to you."

You swallowed, feeling the weight of their words, the sincerity behind them.

And then No-Eul, ever direct, said, "We’re sorry."

Your chest tightened, but this time, it wasn’t from pain.

It was relief.

You let out a small, shaky breath, nodding. "Thank you."

Ji-Yeong gave you a hesitant smile. "Does this mean you forgive us?"

You huffed a quiet laugh. "I mean… yeah. But you guys owe me. Big time."

Se-Mi grinned. "Obviously. We’ll buy you so much coffee to make up for it."

No-Eul smirked. "Or we could just kick Jisoo’s ass next time we see her."

That made you laugh—really laugh, for the first time in days.

And just like that, things started to feel okay again.

After dinner, you stepped outside for some air.

The night was cool, the city lights flickering in the distance, and for the first time in what felt like forever, you actually felt lighter.

But you weren’t alone for long.

No-Eul appeared beside you, hands in her jacket pockets, her usual calm, unreadable expression on her face.

"You doing okay?" she asked, her voice softer than usual.

You hesitated, then nodded. "Yeah. Better than before."

No-Eul tilted her head, studying you in that way she always did—like she could see right through you. "You sure?"

You sighed, leaning against the railing. "I mean… I still feel kinda stupid for letting it get to me so much."

No-Eul frowned. "Why?"

You shrugged. "Because it’s not like they meant to hurt me. And I knew that. But it still—" You exhaled. "It still sucked."

No-Eul was quiet for a moment, then said, "You don’t have to justify feeling hurt."

You glanced at her, surprised.

She met your gaze, something unreadable in her eyes. "You deserved better from us. And you were right to be upset."

The way she said it—so steady, so certain—made warmth bloom in your chest.

You smiled, small but genuine. "Thanks, No-Eul."

She nodded, her gaze lingering on you.

And for a moment—just a moment—something shifted.

The space between you felt smaller.

The air heavier.

Her eyes flickered to your lips, just for a second, and you felt your breath catch.

Was she—?

Were you—?

Before anything could happen, a voice cut through the air.

"Time to go," Sae-Byeok’s voice rang out, firm but unreadable.

You both jolted slightly, stepping back as if the moment had never happened.

When you turned to look at her, Sae-Byeok’s face was blank, but her eyes—her eyes—were sharp, flickering between you and No-Eul with something you couldn’t quite place.

You cleared your throat. "Right. Yeah. Let’s go."

No-Eul didn’t say anything—just shoved her hands back into her pockets and followed after you.

And as you walked ahead, you could feel Sae-Byeok’s gaze lingering on you.

Like she had seen everything.

Like she was thinking about something.

But she didn’t say a word.

Not yet.

taglist: @everly-summers-solace @knfthxv @madebysae @knfthxv @katieschry1 @imlackingsleep @lyzem @stellssxo @wiltingconquest @peelover25@monroesturnns @laurenkens @yenyu1s @idontliketoread2137 @bitchybananaflower @lyuuw

[inthelibrarybtw]

you're gonna go far | three - golf & parties

SERIES MASTERLIST pairing: rafe cameron x pogue!reader

summary: where Rafe who hates pogues has a soft spot for one, who couldn't care less about him, she's too independent and too focused on graduating college and making it out of the Cut to pay attention to him or where they say they don't like each other yet for a reason they are always at the same place at the same time, him making time for her and her never pushing him away but again they don't like each other. word count: 5.2k content: angst! alcohol consumption, cursing, fluff authors note: happy valentines! longest chapter so far and I don't think they are getting shorter. Anyways, thank you for everyone who has been reading, liking, reblogging and commenting. enjoy! <3

He couldn’t stand your cold demeanor towards him for one more second. He was aware he wasn’t your favorite person, but you were never cold to him. Bitchy and a pain in his ass sometimes? Yes, but never cold. You had this warm presence he always claimed to hate, but that was a complete lie. That’s one of the reasons he liked you so much; no matter where you were or what you did, you always made things better, not only for him but for everyone around you. That was also why he felt jealous of how you were with the Pogues, even though he would never admit it out loud. He wanted to be the reason you were smiling, which usually wasn’t how things went, and he was aware it was his fault.  

During the next three days, Rafe avoided going to the Country Club on purpose because he wasn’t sure what was going to happen, and he’d rather not make things worse. He knew you hated him at the moment, so to avoid making things worse, he stayed home. He hated feeling that way; it was as if the thought of you was enough to make his brain short-circuit.  

He groaned for what felt like the millionth time that day. Since three days ago, you had been stuck in his mind. He had been uncharacteristically distracted and quiet; his dad had asked him to pull himself together a couple of times during work meetings and he had barely interacted when he got together with his friends.  

“Dude, what's wrong with you?” Topper asked, pausing the game they were playing.  

“I’m fine,” he muttered, his tone indicating he was anything but fine.

“Right, sure, that’s why you have been moping for the past few days like a little boy who lost his mom at the supermarket, because you’re fine… sure.”  

“Not moping, just a lot on my mind.”  

“Like Pogue girl or wor—?” Topper didn’t finish his question before Rafe cut him off.  

“Shut up,” he bites back.  

“Oh! So it is her, huh? What’s her name again?” Rafe shoots him a glare, and Topper lifts his arms in surrender. “Okay, damn! My bad… why don’t we go to the club? A bit of golf might help.”  

“Can’t, I have to help Sarah prepare things for the party.” Topper looks at him, not believing a word that came out of his mouth.  

“Don’t give me that bullshit. You never help her with anything; it’s her party, let her handle it.” Rafe sighs, annoyed. “Come on, man, to release some stress before the party.”  

He stalled for a bit but sighed, giving in. “Fine… one round, that’s it.”  

“Atta boy, I knew you would come through.”  

No, he didn’t forget you worked there and that he might see you, but he was trying his best not to think about that. They made it to the Country Club; Topper had this mischievous gleam in his eyes. He would be lying if he said he didn’t plan this, all to see if you and Rafe could interact again. He had fun watching his friend stumble over his words, but he also knew Rafe was in a better mood every time he saw you, so at the end of the day, it was for the greater good if he saw you.

They made their way to their first hole. Topper didn’t miss how Rafe looked around, giving subtle, constant glances at the trail as they started playing golf. He was struggling to avoid thinking about you, secretly hoping you would show up in your cart, wearing that uniform that fit you like a glove, and… Topper pulls him out of his thoughts by telling him it’s his turn to hit.

—

After your break, you returned to the golf course, ready to continue your round. After a few minutes, you spotted two guys. You prepared mentally to greet them. Over the years, you had learned how to overcome your shyness, but some days, you felt your skin crawl whenever you had to address a club member. When you got closer, you noticed who they were and sighed. You parked the cart, and Topper’s face immediately changed as he gave Rafe a knowing smirk. Rafe turned around and saw you, straightening up as he noticed you stepping out of the cart.  

"Do you ever go to other places?" You smiled but avoided Rafe’s gaze as best you could.  

"Yes, but we just can’t stay away from here." Topper chuckled softly and then turned to see Rafe, who was unusually quiet. It was as if his tongue didn’t work.  

"Will you buy something today, or will I have to beg for tips?" You asked, lifting a brow.  

"We will buy something today, no need to worry," Topper said. He had been there the last few days, and to your surprise, he was nice, unlike other kooks. You had talked briefly with him a couple of times before and could see yourself being friendly with him, not just because your job required you to be nice to them.  

"And we’ll make sure to tip you well too," Rafe said finally chiming in, making you turn to acknowledge him.  

"Okay, good." Topper noticed how you weren’t smiling at Rafe, and as much as he enjoyed the tension, he was curious about what led to this. Rafe, on the other hand, couldn’t stop looking at you.  

"So what’s the special today?" Topper spoke up.  

"We don’t have specials," you smiled. "But the Bloody Mary has been a bit popular today. Here’s the menu if you want to see what else we have." You extended the menu to them, and Rafe took it from your hand, doing anything but looking at the menu.  

"Yo Rafe, everything good?" Topper asked, noticing he was a bit distracted all this while trying not to laugh.  

"Yes, I'm just… deciding what I want." You stood there, trying to mind your business, but you stole a few glances at Rafe. He seemed different today, or maybe you were just imagining things.  

"Well, while he decides, I want a Bloody Mary and two shots," Topper requested nicely.  

"Bloody Mary, simple or double?"  

"Simple, don’t want to overdo it." You nodded.  

"I’ll just have a beer," Rafe asked quietly, noticing the familiarity with which you and Topper talked, and he hated every second of it.

“Okay,” you said as you walked to prepare the Bloody Mary and took out the shots and the beer they had asked for. During this whole time, Rafe couldn’t keep his eyes off you, even if he tried his best not to make it obvious.  

“Bloody Mary and shots,” you handed them to Topper, who grabbed them. “And the beer,” you gave it to Rafe, your fingers touching his slightly, sending a jolt through both your arms, but you ignored it.  

“It’s $30 for the Bloody Mary and the shots.” You turned to Topper, who handed you a fifty-dollar bill.  

“Keep the change,” Topper said, taking a sip. “Wow, this is good.”  

“Thanks,” you smiled, putting the bill away. “The beer is $10.” Rafe handed you the bill quietly, his eyes meeting yours; he could swear you had the prettiest eyes he’d ever seen. You looked away and put the bill away. “No tip this time?” you asked, trying to see if he would bite back. He had been uncharacteristically quiet, and that didn’t sit right with you.  

Rafe smirked. “Oh, you want one?”  

“I did an amazing job giving you that beer. I think I deserve it.” A small smile you couldn’t control formed on your lips. Rafe looked over at you before he dared to speak again. He wanted to make a snarky comment to tease you, but nothing came to mind; he only managed a soft grunt.  

“Yeah, you did a great job.” His voice was slightly strained, but Topper didn’t miss the opportunity to chime in.  

“Come on, Rafe, give her a tip. It’s the least you can do; after all, she’s been an amazing waitress.” Rafe shot him a glare, not finding his comment amusing.  

“I’m not a waitress,” you said, looking at them.  

“Bev cart girl, excuse me.” Topper lifted one hand. “Either way, you’ve been great, and I think Rafe here agrees, right, man?” He nudged Rafe, who just huffed quietly.  

“Yeah, you’ve been… great.” His voice was a bit gruff. He wanted to strangle Topper for making this all harder for him. “You deserve a… nice tip.”  

“There you go,” Topper continued teasing him. “Don’t hold back.” Rafe grabbed his wallet, not without giving another look to Topper, wishing he wasn’t there. Now he didn’t want to look cheap, especially not in front of you. He grabbed a fifty-dollar bill and gave it to you. You widened your eyes.  

“What?” Topper wanted to laugh at your reaction; your cold demeanor with him before was gone in an instant, and your eyes had softened. Rafe was a bit embarrassed, blushing, but it was barely noticeable thanks to the weather.  

“Take it as a…” he paused for a second, looking for the right words. “A token of appreciation… for the good service today and on the other days.” He nodded, knowing what he said sounded very stupid.  

“Uh… this is too much; it’s like five beers. It’s—” Before you could even finish, he shook his head.

“Take it. You deserve it.” But this time, the tone he uses makes you believe his words; he’s not playing, he’s not being an asshole. It was one of those moments where you could maybe see another side of him.  

“Thank you.” You give him a small, honest smile, and he softens at the sight of it, his irritation fading slightly. He smiles back, feeling like his heart might leap out of his chest; it’s genuinely embarrassing for him to feel like this around you.  

“No problem.” His voice comes out softer than usual, and you decide to ignore it, even if it’s noticeable.  

“Well… I should be going.” Topper nods and takes another sip of his Bloody Mary. Rafe, on the other hand, isn’t happy about you having to leave.  

“Wait,” he says, making you turn back to him. Even Topper, who was already walking back to his cart, turns to see what Rafe will do. “Uh… before you go,” he pauses to gather his thoughts, “I have a question.”  

“Yeah, what is it?�� you ask, a bit confused about where this is going.  

“Do you work here every day?” He never breaks eye contact with you.  

"I usually don’t work on weekends unless they ask me, and my shifts during the week can vary too."  

“What’s the usual?”  

“Uh… 7 to 3. Sometimes I do overtime, and some days I work just half a shift.”  

“You do overtime today?”  

“No, I get off at 3.” Rafe’s eyes light up at your answer, an idea forming in his mind already.  

“Good. There’s a party at my house today at 7. Why don’t you come?”  

“Oh…” you stutter. This is not how you thought this conversation was going to go. In general, you didn’t know how it was going to go, but this was definitely not it. “I—I don’t think I can make it, but thanks.” You see the way his face drops, and for a second, you feel bad. Then you remember who you are dealing with and shrug it off.  

“Right…” he says, feeling very disappointed about it. You get back into the cart and drive away.  

“Look at you, actually trying this time,” Topper says, patting Rafe’s back.  

“Shut up.” Rafe’s soft demeanor is gone the second you’re not around.  

“Oh, okay, I see how it is. Pogue princess disappears, and you’re grumpy again—okay, okay.”  

“I will knock you out.” Rafe points a finger at Topper.  

“Let’s not do that, or who else will be here to help you with her?”  

“Help? I don’t need help.”  

“From where I was standing, you do need help, or did I imagine her saying no?” Rafe glares at Topper, and he takes a sip of his beer. “Fine… I will shut up.”

—

After your shift is over, Sarah and Kie pick you up from the Country Club and go to Kie’s house to relax. Even though you were probably going to end up going out, it was Friday, so it was a given. Probably another Boneyard party, you thought.

You were lying on Kie’s bed, eating the snacks she had brought while Sarah was talking. You weren’t paying too much attention until she spoke directly to you.

“Earth to Y/N, are you okay?”

“Yeah, just tired. Golfers can sometimes be a bit too annoying,” you said, thinking about Rafe. Even though he hadn’t been annoying this time around, there weren’t many other words you would openly use to describe him.

“Well, you will forget about those golfers tonight,” she said a bit too happily.

“What do you mean?”

“She didn’t read the group chat,” Kie spoke up and then turned to look at you. “Sarah is having a party tonight at Tannyhill.” You felt your stomach drop; it was the same party Rafe had invited you to, and you had said no because you had plans. You opened your mouth to say something, but Sarah spoke before you could even get a word out.

“No, you can’t say no; it’s mandatory. It’s time for you to unwind!” She wiggled her arms as you stared at her.

“I’m tired, Sarah.” You looked at her and then at Kie, pleading for help. You didn’t want to see Rafe after saying you couldn’t go; it was a choice to see him outside your work hours—a choice you didn’t want to make.

“Sarah is right; you need to unwind. Come on,” Kie nudged you. “You can use my shower if you need to. We can go by your place if you want clothes, but you can use mine; they’ll fit you.” She pointed at her closet.

“You planned this, you evil people,” you pointed at them.

“Maybe, but if not, you were going to say no. And it’s at my house; what’s the worst that could happen?”

“Probably Rafe,” Kie said, almost like she had read your mind. You didn’t say anything.

“He's not going to be a problem; he’s going to be with his friends.”

“Oh yay, Topper and Kelce,” Kie says, rolling her eyes. “They are not the only friends he has, and Kelce is not invited.” At that, you perk up your ears; you want to ask why, but you busy yourself with your phone. “Oh, that’s new. Why?” 

“I said the same. He mentioned something about a fight they had over something he said, but didn’t give me many details, and it’s not like I care… but enough about my brother and his friends. You get ready,” she said, grabbing your shoulders. “And you,” she pointed at Kie, “make sure she gets there,” she said while walking to the door. “See you, my beautiful princesses!”

As Sarah exits Kie’s room, you sigh. “Do I really need to go?” 

“Look, I know you’re done seeing kooks every day, but we can ignore all of them today. Other people are going to the party, so it’s going to be fun. Now come on, let’s get dressed.” 

“I do need to shower first.” 

“Yeah, but first let’s see what you’re going to wear.” She opens her closet and starts taking things out. 

“Hey! This is mine,” I say when I see one of my dresses. 

“Well, look at that,” she jokes. “It’s a sign you need to wear that.” 

“It’s a sign that you robbed my closet.” You grab the mini black dress; it was one of your favorites. 

“Sue me, but this is your sign to use it and take it back to your house.” 

You spend a few more minutes looking at the options she threw at your face, picking what she would wear. After finally deciding, she gives you a towel so you can shower and start getting ready for the party you don’t want to attend. You take your time to shower and get ready, and when you both are set, Kie drives you to your house because you need to give something to your mother, allowing you to leave the things you won’t need and take only your essentials to the party. After that, you pick up the guys and Cleo.

—

When you arrived at the party, it was 7:30 p.m., and the music was blaring from inside. There were more people than you had expected to be there at that time, but again, it was Sarah’s party, so of course, there were going to be many people already there. You planned to stay at the party for a few hours, then say you had to wake up early the next day and leave. However, it was easier said than done.

As you walked inside, the music grew louder, and you saw some familiar faces smiling at you as they looked your way. As you and the Pogues searched for Sarah, you began to feel a bit anxious. You shouldn’t feel bad about saying no to Rafe and then showing up… but then why did you? You finally found her in the kitchen, where the snacks and cold drinks were.

“Y/N!!! You look so pretty!” she exclaimed happily as she hugged you first.

“What are we, chopped liver?” Cleo chimed in teasingly.

“Oh, please don’t say that. I’m happy to see you all here, but let’s be honest: when was the last time this girl actually got ready for something other than work?” Sarah stated again, and everyone silently agreed with her. You rolled your eyes.

“At least I work,” JJ chuckled quietly at your comment.

“Ouch?” Sarah feigned offense. “Enough about work. Grab a drink and make yourselves at home. John B is outside, so go. I’ll be there in a minute,” she said, disappearing again. JJ didn’t need to be told twice to grab a drink and went straight for a beer, and so did Cleo and Pope. Kie made herself a drink, and you did the same, but unlike Kie, yours had barely any alcohol; it was mostly just Sprite.

As you walked out of the kitchen, you caught a glimpse of Topper, who looked at you, scrunching his eyebrows together in confusion. You hurried away quickly, cursing internally. If he saw you, that meant he was going to tell Rafe whether you liked it or not, but just like Kie had told you, you were going to ignore everyone and stick to your friends.

One thing you hadn’t considered or even thought about was that maybe Rafe would be outside. You didn’t see him, but he saw you when you and the Pogues stepped out. His gaze would normally soften when he saw you, but at that moment, he felt betrayed. Did you hate him that much? He didn’t think you were the kind of person who would willingly lie just to make someone feel bad.

—

As the night went on, you focused on your friends and those who came to the group to talk instead of on where you were. Rafe, on the other hand, was drinking to distract himself from your presence. He had noticed you were chatting with a guy who had approached you. You thought this guy was nice, but Rafe didn’t; he would have done something about it but decided to drink instead. 

You caught glimpses of Rafe, each time with a new girl and always with a drink in hand. Why couldn’t he stick to just one girl? You found yourself caring too much about what he was doing and refocused on the guy in front of you. You weren’t really interested, but it was always nice to meet new people.

“Are you trying to burn a hole in the back of her head?” Topper asked when he noticed the intense gaze Rafe had on you. 

“What?” 

“You are staring.” Topper glanced at you too; he had to admit you looked good. 

“You are too.” 

“Don’t drag me into this, but in my defense, she looks really good.” Topper said with a teasing tone, wanting to mess with him. Rafe took a big sip of his drink, feeling the burning sensation slide down his throat. “Woah, slow down.” 

“Don’t tell me what to do.” 

“I get it; you’re jealous, but don’t take it out on the alcohol. Drink some water, or you will regret it.” 

“I’m not jealous. Why would I be jealous of that? He’s…” Rafe trailed off. He didn’t know what to say. He was talking to you, and you were engaged in the conversation. You were interested, which you usually weren’t with him. So yeah, he was jealous. 

He downed the drink in his hand and kept staring at you as if it were his life’s purpose. He knew he shouldn’t feel this way; he had no power over you, but it was as if you held power over him. If you were his girl, he would make sure everyone knew, but you weren’t, so he had to let you be and let you talk to whoever you wanted, even if the guy wasn't good enough. You deserved someone who could give you everything. He could be… he stopped himself; he couldn’t keep thinking about this. So, more alcohol it was.

You went inside the house to grab a new drink and more ice. He saw you, and before his brain fully processed it, he was already following you. He was a man on a mission, though what that mission was, even he didn't know. He heard Topper saying something, but he ignored it; nothing was more important than getting to you. 

When you got to the kitchen, you felt a sense of relief—no one was there. You grabbed more ice and Sprite; you weren't really in the mood for an alcoholic drink. After pouring it into your red cup, you stayed there, and then Rafe showed up, interrupting your party break just like he had done at the Boneyard. You didn’t want to deal with him alone… again. 

Some might say you couldn't move on from what he said and that you resented him. Well, maybe you did, and you hated it because it felt like allowing him to dictate your feelings. Your thoughts were interrupted by his closeness. Oh, he was drunk; his eyes were different, and he seemed more relaxed than usual, but you noticed something was bothering him.

“So…” he cleared his throat. “Weren’t you busy tonight?”  

“I wasn’t going to come; your sister made me,” you answered.  

“Right…” he paused for a second. “Next time, don’t lie to my face,” he said with annoyance. You huffed at his tone.  

“I’m not wasting my time with you.” You turned away from him, not catching his comment.

“No… come on, I want to talk to you.” He stepped in front of you to stop you from leaving; he was set on talking to you.  

“I doubt it. I know I have nothing to talk to you about.”  

“Yes, you do. We have things to talk about.” The way he said it made it easy for you to know what he was referring to, and it made you angry. He had to be drunk to address it for the first time when he had seen you plenty of times before.  

“No, I’m not doing this today; in fact, I'd rather never do it.”  

“Y/N…” he spoke your name almost pleadingly and a bit slurred. “I know I messed up…” he started, but you quickly interrupted him.  

“Stop it.”  

“Let me talk! I’m trying to make things right, and you’re not letting me!”  

“Yes! Because you are drunk, Rafe! And I’m not having this conversation with you like this or ever. For all I know, you’re doing this just because you are drunk or high or both.” He knitted his eyebrows together at your words.  

“What? I’m not high. Who do you think I am?”  

“It’s common knowledge that the only reason you would ever step into the Cut is for drugs from Barry.”  

“According to who? Your pogue friends?” He felt the anger bubbling up, and you huffed.  

“Why do you always have to say it like that?”  

“Like what?”  

“Like you hate them, like you hate us.”  

“Bold statement coming from you,” he said, the alcohol making it harder for him to filter his words.  

“Excuse me?” You asked, genuinely confused at what he was hinting at.  

“Oh, what? Pogue girl get offended? At least I can say it without having to lie.” You scrunched your face; there was one thing you hated more than anything, and that was being called a liar.  

“I have never lied to you. Actually, I think I have been transparent enough to let you know I can’t stand you.”  

“Oh, I got that clear, pogue. You hate me, I know. You lied to prove your point; next time, just have the guts to say it upfront.”  

“What are you on about?”  

“This party! I invited you; I wanted you here, and you said no.” He grabbed a bottle of some liquor and took a swig of it, the burning sensation numbing, for a second, all that he was feeling at the moment. “You said to MY face you were busy and couldn’t come, and look at you here, having the time of your life, laughing with your friends and talking to other guys who don’t even deserve your attention.”

He took another swig from the bottle of what you now know is whiskey. You were confused, perhaps even in denial about his words.  

“I didn’t know!” you huffed. “I didn’t know this was the plan; I was going to go out with my friends, and I didn’t know this was the place.”  

“You want me to believe you didn’t know, huh? Your little nice act won’t work this time.”  

“No, no, I’ve gotten enough shit from you. I won’t put up with this,” you said, walking out of the kitchen. He stopped you in the middle of the hallway. “Rafe, stop it!”  

“No! You aren’t even listening to me!”  

“Why should I? I’m wasting my time here.”  

“Pardon me, your Majesty. I know there are other people more deserving of your attention than me,” his voice dripping with anger and sarcasm.  

“Leave me alone for once!” You pulled your arm away and walked out of the house, not even thinking twice about it. You thought it was over, but you were wrong.  

“Running away again? That’s all you seem to know how to do every time I say something you don’t like.”  

“You’re an even bigger asshole when you’re drunk,” you huffed.  

“Me? You’re the one lying when I’m trying to be nice to you.”  

“Nice? How? Talking down to me and my friends? Making me feel like I don’t belong here?”  

“Not all of us are natural rays of sunshine, princess.” He stopped. “I… It’s hard for some people. I—” he groaned, “I wanted you here! I’m sorry for—” you interrupted him.  

“You’re drunk.”  

“I know what I’m saying! Stop acting like I don’t. I mean this!”  

“No!”  

“STOP, Y/N! JUST… stop.” He sighed and walked closer to you, making you take a step back. 

“I’m trying here… but you’re being an asshole about it, and I’m TRYING to apologize for something I know I did wrong.”  

“You’re drunk…”  

“Stop saying that, as if it makes my words invalid! I know what I’m saying and I mean every word!”  

“I don’t believe them! Is that what you wanted to hear? I don’t believe drunk words; alcohol doesn’t allow you to think straight, and I told you I don’t want to talk about it.” You turned away, ready to walk.

“For someone who claims to always be kind, you are doing a terrible job right now.” You stop in your tracks but don’t look back. “I’m here being honest, and all you do is think the worst of me… you’re just like everyone else…” he said, slurring more as the alcohol finally caught up to him. “I’m actually sorry, princess…” 

You heard the moment he walked back inside, and you finally turned. You watched as he went in and disappeared into his house, leaving you with the silence of the night and your thoughts. Why did he always leave you like this? Always analyzing his words. He sounded sincere; you could feel that, but there were so many layers to the conversation you didn’t want to dissect, yet you knew you were going to.

“You're leaving?” Topper interrupted your thoughts.

“Uh… yeah, I’m tired.” 

“Who is taking you?” No one; you were going to walk. A stupid decision, probably. 

“My friends,” you lied. 'You’re the one lying,' Rafe’s words echoed in your head. 

“Liar, they’re still inside.” You sighed. “Come on, I’ll drop you off. I need to buy more ice, so let’s go.” You didn’t protest and followed him to his car. 

You got in, gave him the address, and he drove in silence. He stopped for a bit of ice at a small store he found when he was closer to the address you provided. 

“Here, it’s okay.” You made him stop beforehand. You didn’t give him the exact address of your house; you were a bit paranoid about sharing it unless it was someone close to you. Topper parked his car right where you told him. 

“Thanks… you didn’t have to do that.” 

“Rafe would’ve killed me if something happened to you.” He paused, debating whether to say something else. “He would’ve done it, but he was too drunk.” 

“Yeah…” you said quietly. “I promise I didn’t know I was going to end up at the party…” 

“Hey, it’s okay,” he said sincerely. “You don’t owe me or anyone an explanation.” You nodded; you knew that, but it was as if you needed to ensure someone understood. You said your goodbyes and walked to your house, which was just around the corner from where Topper had left you.

You went directly to your room to change clothes. It was supposed to be a good night, and yet here you were, with your feelings all over the place, but mainly feeling guilty.

12:55 AM - Pope “Where are you?”

12:55 AM - Pope “Please tell me you’re alive”

12:55 AM - You “I am, sorry for leaving without saying anything”

12:56 AM - Pope “Still didn’t answer me. Where are you”

12:56 AM - You “I’m home”

12:56 AM - Pope “How? Who? The guy you were talking to?!”

12:57 AM - You “No… Topper… he went to buy ice and dropped me off”

12:57 AM - Pope “Topper? As in Sarah’s ex? tf”

12:57 AM - You “As in Rafe’s friend”

12:57 AM - Pope “Oh…”

12:58 AM - Pope “Something happened again huh?”

12:58 AM - You  “I’m okay, I just need sleep.”

12:58 AM - You  “I’m exhausted, it was a long day”

12:59 AM - Pope “Whatever you need just let me know, fyi I will tell Cleo about this.”

12:59 AM - You “I didn’t expect less”

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INTHELIBRARYBTW ✧.*

[cowboyschumi]

MY KINK IS YOUR KARMA

Summary: The culture of hooking up was never your thing, but it was Franco's fascination, something you didn't realize until rumors started spreading. His life quickly turned miserable, and, to your surprise, you quite enjoyed it. Inspired by Chappell Roan's song.

Author’s note: My first fic, woohoo. English is not my first language, neither Italian, sorry for any typos etc. Support and requests are always appreciated. Much love and enjoy the reading!

Warnings: Angst, maybe? Reader being kinda cruel/hater.

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COWBOYSCHUMI | 2025 All rights reserved. Do not copy, translate, or upload on other platforms.

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Boys are all straight out of fairy tales when you first meet them, including Franco. That boy had the most magnetic charm you’d ever seen, and he knew it. He loved having a certain allure and using it to his advantage, with everyone wrapped around his finger. But he liked to play pretend, acting as if he didn’t do those specific things that had people falling for him.

You were invested long before all that, long before the world knew him as a formal F1 driver. You gatekept him as your little secret.

He had lived in an Italian car factory since he was thirteen, not knowing a single word of the language. Of course, some sort of miracle had to rescue him—and that was you. Without even realizing it, you started spending entire days by his side. You were just kids, making the most of every beautiful corner in Italy. Something began to bloom inside you when you noticed that your "teaching Italian" had faded into the background. You completely forgot your original purpose because you two simply enjoyed each other's company too much.

"Ti amo tantissimo." His brows furrowed, unsure about his pronunciation. Surprisingly, the Argentinian accent was similar to the Italian one—melodically, at least. You tried not to burst into laughter after hearing those words. He was just practicing; he didn’t really mean it. But your stomach turned upside down anyway.

"Not so bad. You're improving." Your tone was strict, almost like a teacher correcting her student. He couldn't help but chuckle at it. It was adorable how much you cared about him getting it right.

"Ti amo is used in a romantic way, and ti voglio is for family and friends."

Franco was the yapper in your dynamic. Sometimes, the roles reversed, and you were the one talking while he listened. It was the way your eyes sparkled, the way your hands moved with your words, so passionate about your interests, and the boy loved that.

"Which one suits us better?" Franco asked with a mix of curiosity and confidence, avoiding direct eye contact. He was weak around you—his Achilles’ heel.

He had never struggled with self-esteem or second-guessed himself, but when things started getting serious in your friendship, for the first time, he hesitated.

That’s how everything started, some Italian words, late summer nights together, and a bunch of innocent flirting, which led to everything, yet nothing at all. Because men always have an obsession with saying the most endearing, heartfelt sweet nothings before leaving you.

He did it too. Of course, he would.

We, as women—overthinkers—already know everything months in advance. Female intuition never fails.

————————————————————————

He moved to Spain shortly after things got serious between you. You couldn’t blame him, dreams came first, and you were more than proud of him for achieving his. All the "Promise we'll keep in contact and text each other" ran down the drain.

No one is really that busy; they just don’t want to text you. You repeated it to yourself like a mantra after realizing he had ghosted you.

It was exactly what you expected from him when he got caught on a dinner date by some paparazzi. What happened to the simple, casual boy you met at thirteen?

What was so endearing and fancy, about one-night stands and then forgetting it all, that you were not catching? Committing was now overrated.

Surprisingly, you forgot about his existence—or at least, you thought you did—until some interviews of his went viral on the internet. He was not PR-trained at all, and it was noticeable by his sense of humor, jokes, and playful comments. The Twitter community started dragging him, titling him an authentic womanizer. You deleted all media after seeing that, unable to bear any sight of him.

Winter break came, and so did the end of the F1 season. His name kept being a hot topic, always on everyone’s lips. You couldn’t just erase him from your life that easily.

His start was solid for a rookie. After Logan’s performances, team principals were stunned by him keeping the car on track.

But what went wrong? He was slowly ruining his career and you liked it?

You couldn’t care less about his new girlfriend, him rebuilding his life, or even forgetting all the memories you had together. What goes around eventually comes back, and it was burning him in the most unpleasant ways.

Franco was losing his mind, and you were feasting on it.

Life moved on, and so did you. You had some me-time over the winter time, taking care of yourself and enjoying the weeks without the pressure of studying or working your ass off.

The town was a bit crowded, considering most tourists usually arrived during the summer holidays. People seemed happier than usual, which felt a bit off. Winter depression was a real thing.

Christmas was near, and that was your answer for everything being so full and non-walkable, kids and parents walking around with shopping bags. You should’ve been doing the same, buying presents, but you liked leaving your duties to the last minute. Procrastination, your guilty pleasure.

People were lining up outside Castore's sportswear store, and that was one of the many reasons you hated this time of year: consumption and capitalism at its peak. You stood on your tiptoes, trying to see what the big deal was inside the store.

The odds were slim, but there he was, signing Alpine t-shirts. You felt your ears starting to warm up, your fists clenching. And, of course, he saw you, the only female and familiar face among the group of little boys and girls waiting for an autograph. You wanted to disappear right there.

————————————————————————

"Came to see me?" Again, you two were on your classic bench, but everything had changed—everything about him.

You scoffed at his comment, almost feeling disgusted by his cocky attitude after all this time. You sat on the other side of the long wooden chair, keeping your distance from his personal space. The brown-haired boy’s eyes widened at your non-verbal response. It felt like a punch to his ego.

"I would invite you to dinner, but I’m dry... I mean, you saw me there, signing shirts." Fame came with its costs, and he wasn’t ready for it yet, just stepping into that world.

A soft laugh escaped your lips as you remembered one of the many memes you’d seen about him, specifically the one where people joked that he was poor. He didn't understand what you were laughing at but played along with it.

"I’ve got things to do, Fran." You knew very well he loved that nickname—it was like poking a finger into an open wound. And you did it on cue, because right after your words, you stood up from your bench. Y/N and Franco’s bench. You had every intention of leaving, just like he left you.

"Will we see each other again?" There was a hint of hope in his voice, even though the spark in his eyes was gone. His figure seemed as though it had been sucked in by a vacuum cleaner, drained and tired.

You couldn’t help but smile, not because of his question or his need to see you. You were happy because you were witnessing his downfall. As you leaned toward him, you left a quick kiss on his cheek—a way of saying goodbye without words.

Getting back to him was not an option, not because you didn’t want to. Of course, you wanted him back. But having him wouldn’t satisfy your kink of watching karma do its thing.

Your intuition told you that your paths would cross again, it was meant to. For now, you enjoyed observing with careful distance.

[storkmuffin]

Matz Lego Live 2025.2.13 Liveblog

@fallenstarhwa and @iriswashername this is for you!!

First off, you know they picked the 13th of February to do this lego live thing, very deliberately right? They're avoiding Valentine's day.

We open on Hongjoong muttering to himself while looking at his phone. It's always so funny to me that content makers are just as much serfs to the data farm as the ordinary people who watch their content. Hongjoong is wearing what looks like a hooded raincoat indoors, and a knit cap under that. I guess it's cold in this hotel. I've found that to be generally true of the West- Koreans keep things warm indoors, but westerners don't as much. Also there is a giant mirror in front of Seonghwa's bed. I can already hear the fanfic pens sharpening. Seonghwa comes to sit (plop, actually) next to Hongjoong. He is also wearing layers and a knit hat indoors. Definitely cold. The glasses he has on are very cool but they also are very grandpa, and given their height difference and Hong Joong slouching they look like dad and son.

Hwa is checking angles, making sure the lego boxes are lined up properly, that the link to internet is working, the camera is on, busy busy busy, and HJ is just ... diddling his phone on his lap making mouth sounds.

Immediately, Hongjoong causes banging. He pretends the banging didn't happen but Hwa doesn't cooperate. He looks for the thing that fell, and sees nothing on the floor, so then he silently wonders if someone knocked by staring at the door. He looks almost ready to stand up. Apparently when someone knocks it's Hwa's job to go open the door, because he doesn't say anything to HJ about the 'knock.' This is finally when HJ sheepishly says, No, it's not anything, it's my phone. Hwa looks at the phone in HJ's hand, clearly wondering how did that thing in your hand make a noise so far away from it, but he's just too busy doing the set up. HJ leans back from his seat to pick up the second phone that's fallen to the floor from the arm rest. HJ keeps talking but Hwa doesn't say a word until the set up is working.

Hwa is a sweetie. He really for some reason REALLY REALLY wanted to make legos with HJ and it's finally happening so he messes up his opening comment. He says, It's been a million years... and then realizes, Oh this is the first time! HJ is just a kid - he actually just echoes what Hwa says, no brain, just amplifying, until he confirms that this is the first time they're doing legos.

Then Hwa notices their outfits match. "This is so exciting!" he says, about their matching, and HJ pouts, You're copying me again. They are not looking at each other. Hwa says that he has to keep the glasses on because he looks ugly without, to which HJ says that he knew Hwa would wear the glasses, so he left his own behind. .... HJ. Dude. TELL HWA HE'S PRETTY. what are you DOING.

Hwa explains the legos they are about to make to the audience, adding in a little bit that says, I tried to reflect HJ's tastes even though he told me that he likes whatever I like - and HJ is like I did not say that!! Then Hwa explains in painstaking detail about Anakin and Asoka and how having an apprentice is not the same as having a brother (it's not 형 it's 스승 and 제자!). HJ has no idea wtf he's talking about or anything about Star Wars. At all. Okayyy. (I'm judging him in Nerd.)

They're unboxing the Legos with Hwa narrating like he's trying to sell them on the home shopping network. There are thumb grooves to make the boxes fun to open! and so on. HJ is trying really hard to not be mean about all this dorkiness, and mostly succeeding. The first crisis point is when Hwa shows off about how environmentally friendly the packaging is now, no plastic!!, until he opens his own smaller lego and realizes... it's still fully plastic. HJ covers his face to laugh.

Hwa will assist HJ on putting HJ's lego together. HJ side eyes Hwa to ask how much of a time commitment this is going to be, to which Hwa says it'll be about an hour.

Then HJ tells us, the audience, that this is not his lifetime first encounter with Legos. Hwa is surprised enough to turn to look at HJ, and acts betrayed. (뭐야...). He gets over it pretty quickly and goes right back to selling the legos on the home shopping network. The dialect tonality is coming out so strong right now. Is it because he's excited? LOL

As HJ begins unboxing the pieces, he just hates them. His mouth sours. He hates the legos as they come out, whereas Hwa looks fondly at the plastic pieces like they are his offspring hatching from the foam covering their egg cluster. Then HJ says that by nature, he hates the kind of thing where he has to follow a pre-set recipe and order. Hwa, holding the pre-set recipe and order book in his hand, stares off into the distance.

This is going to be a very long evening.

Hwa hazards, "So you just wanna make something new??"and HJ says no, with this sort of thing you have no choice but to follow. Hwa smiles just the tiniest bit, because he had been plunged into an icy bath just a moment ago and now he's back out of it.

HJ says he wants to experience the 'time killing' culture of Legos, then says that since beginning his Lego habit, Hwa has gotten angrier as a person (joke). If Hwa had done something similar, HJ would immediately go NO I DIDN'T but Hwa smiles in an exasperated way and then asks, rhetorically, Shouldn't it be the opposite? and lets HJ explain that he was joking. They are so different.

Then HJ spills everything and they disppear for a while, to pick up all the pieces, muttering. Hwa lectures - belatedly - about how you have to open stuff carefully.

HJ keeps signalling how much he hates Legos already and he hasn't even fit two pieces together. He says "This is a valuable experience" - singular, the one time, never again, etc. is implied. "You're doing great!" Hwa says, "You've already made half of Asoka!"

HJ doesn't like being Hwa's student. "It's been a long time since I've learned something from Hwa. It feels... complicated."* Hwa doesn't want him to drop out, so he says, "All you need for lego making is to be fastidious and alert." HJ says he's neither of those things. HJ says this is like getting behavioral therapy to learn calmness.

*What HJ says is it feels 오묘하다 to be taught by Hwa, which literally means Mysterious, but I'm choosing a different word.

But HJ gets the hang of it by the 10 minute mark - he says, "I just have to follow the instructions!" like this is a discovery (Why is he 4 years old?). And then they are side by side, looking down, chatting in a leisurely way about their visit to Como. They look just like me and my knitting circle when we work on individual projects side by side, talking.

HJ kinda talks about himself a lot. See. This is one of those things that makes me think he's ND. Hwa says things to him about him, and HJ answers with more information about himself, but doesn't ask Hwa anything. When Hwa makes an encouraging comment - Oh you're on page 2 already? -HJ is like I am good at this sort of thing because I studied hard in school. But Hwa just indulges him like HJ is his grandson - Oh what a smart boy, Kim Hong Joong, he says, absolutely soullessly but not with any sort of sarcasm, while making his own lego. And HJ just keeps talking about his strengths - he can stay put and work on something for a long time! And Hwa keeps agreeing. "Yes! That's why you're so good at composing."

Basically, Hwa is gentle parenting HJ into staying put and making this lego thing, doing something he doesn't like (Following a strict recipe) about an IP property he knows nothing about (Star Wars) because Hwa's fans (and probably Hwa himself) wants him to make legos with someone while on this tour. LOLOL.

HJ says he has set up a composition station on the bed in his hotel rooms (Hwa: And not because you just want to work in bed?) then he tells a story about packing harmonicas and a whole second bag of composition equipment. Hwa spills things, and blames HJ (Now that I'm with you I'm spilling things!) to which HJ as per usual shoots back (No, spilling things is just your nature).

I saw an anti-Ateez post on the Korean internet, and the person said HJ was the reason she couldn't get into Ateez. HongJoong stans, cover your eyes: She said that she's noticed when a leader of an Idol group with a lot of members is short, their egos tend to be bloated, and felt HJ was a prime example. 4 minutes into actually making legos, HJ is congratulating himself - I am talented at this! - and Hwa says, Oh you're definitely talented at this! Half a second later, literally, HJ makes an alarmed mouth sound and Hwa says, "Why, did you mess up?"

Hwa keeps HJ talking about the harmonica. HJ says he can play a song on the harmonica, and starts singing it. Together, they start singing Donna e Mobile from Rigoletto and not remembering what it's called, and I'm having that experience of being a ghost, where I'm screaming IT'S RIGOLETTO!! RIGOLETTO!! DONNA E MOBILE!!! but the people I'm screaming at can't hear me.

HJ keeps soliciting praise from Hwa ("I'm doing great!") and Hwa just automatically affirms.

The chat is trying to tell HJ what the song is but those bitches are all getting it wrong. I am biting down on my teeth so hard because I can't keep shouting La Donna e Mobile!!

Hwa spills more pieces and HJ attacks him. He gets overexcited so he stutters- What-what-what were you saying about like psh! like about the spilling?? to me??? Hwa is a lot like San in that he suddenly says Zen master things: Everyone makes mistakes, but the key is to not be defeated by them. I feel like this shows a perfectionist streak, to have to defend dropping a lego piece with this sort of weighty principle.

They gossip like old biddies about San. San kept saying the steaks in room service of every hotel is delicious, but when Hwa double checks with HJ the answer is sometimes a meh. HJ says San just likes beef.

HJ completes a portion of a piece then wants praise (again) (He's kind of a handful, isn't he?). Hwa says, You mustn't give up, there are so many cheering you on. HJ says, You said this would be over in half an hour. Hwa retorts, I said an hour. HJ really doesn't like Lego. LOLOL

Hwa keeps checking in on him- you're having a fun right? I'm so pleased to hear you're having fun - and HJ affirms, but his comments say otherwise. He keeps declaring himself DONE and FINISHED when he evidently isn't.

At the 27 minute mark, Hwa is done with his. HJ drops something else, and Hwa automatically consoles him to no response. HJ, when he's not praising himself or soliciting praise, sings snippets of song. This makes him just like San, who just starts singing when there's nothing else to do. I think Hwa is worried HJ will drop out of this project, so he's lathering him in praise. "Oh such great observation skills!" But HJ still doesn't like it. He wants to know if there's competitions for finishing legos as fast as possible. LOLOL. Hwa doesn't know.

Hwa starts to actively, aggressively help HJ put the thing together. "My mouth is drying out," HJ says, because he's having a rough time. Hwa's soft power is unparalleled. He's totally forcing HJ to do this and I'm CRACKING UP.

Oooh! HJ finished! He flips open the lid of his spaceship back and forth, now soliciting praise from the audience. Once the toy is complete, HJ makes mouth sound effects like he's 4. Zzzyoooong ~ etc. He's literally 4.

Hwa says, You finished the first one.

HJ gets up immediately.

Hwa: YOU'RE NOT LEAVING RIGHT? COME BACK.

HJ goes to get the second bag and slumps in his chair. He hates this so much. YOU DO IT NOW TOO, he commands Hwa as the second baggie full of legos comes out. "I am," Hwa says, very calm.

What is Hwa getting out of forcing HJ to do this? This is a weird kink.

They're talking nonsense about flying cars, about how technology can come out that you think is impossible, and then HJ signals how much he's not actually enjoying this: What about machines that make legos for you?? Hwa, very calmly ignoring this, the 700th hint, says, That already exists. But he's not missing out on the hints. He starts to act as a surgical nurse to HJ, finding the next piece he's going to need and handing it to him one right after the other like it's in the surgical theater and they're saving a life.

HJ hates this so much. He reads his favorite line of the manual so far. "Hey they're letting me know that I'm halfway through!!" Hwa is honest and brings down the reality hammer: "This is not the halfway point." (There's a lot more to go.) HJ is CRUSHED but Hwa is amused. HJ can't stop now, even if he hates it. Hwa is pleased.

It's only a quarter of the way done.

HJ starts to rebel. "I'm going to just go by feeling!" Hwa says no - "You can't go by feeling. I told you." He starts pre-making pieces to hand over to HJ to fit into the in progress piece. HJ is playing drums, rapping, drinking, sighing, making mouth sounds. "It would have been a disaster to pick a bigger one," Hwa admits.

HJ wants Hwa to let him stop. "You're feeling frustrated, aren't you??"

Hwa, very calm, very pleased, says No, not at all.

What...

What is this kink?

This kink of forcing a person who hates Legos to make a Lego with you even as they actively hate it??

HJ tries to trick himself into going on. "I like it! This is good! It's great!"

That was the last of his energy though, because HJ just puts his head down on the table. He wants to leave, but the force of Hwa's power is such that he can't, so he wants to exit the room by going inside his subconscious. Hwa is busy, making HJ's lego for him. "You're not sleeping, right?" he asks. HJ's head pops right back up. "No! No! I'm thinking [about making the Lego]!" he says.

HJ gives up. Hwa is making the Legos, so HJ reads the comments by those in the chat. Meanwhile, there's a piece missing, and Hwa looks for it. HJ finds it for him on the table. Hwa says, "Lego never makes an error. All the errors are my own."

Why is Hwa making Buddhist koans out of lego? LOLOL

He hands the lego making back to HJ, because making HJ make the legos is his kink. HJ is trying so hard - talking himself up, rapping, singing, writhing around - to keep his mind on these lego things that he hates.

I'm scary when I concentrate! he threatens Hwa, as he accepts his fate. You're not intimidating in any way, Hwa says, helping him. He's back to lathering HJ in praise - You're talented at this! I believe in you! HJ is putting the lego together with all the joyless but concentrated detachment of a factory worker putting semiconductors together.

"Are you so very bored?" Hwa asks, laughing.

This is so his kink and I don't understand but it's very perverse.

HJ protests that he is having a wonderful time. Then he says, as Hwa continues to be his surgical nurse, "You make a good assistant. You were born to assist me!" Then he segues into a military role play, where he's the tough commander and Hwa is his solicitous subordinate. Hwa plays right along, smoothly transitioning into the tone and affect of 'military' as seen in media. Hwa's dialect is coming out strong. HJ is talking 'down' to Hwa, using 반말, because he's the "general" in this little play whereas Hwa is speaking 존댓말 in response. All while in the larger context Hwa is forcing HJ to do this thing he doesn't like. This is fucking kinky. This is giving, also, Captain Hook and Mr. Smee, where Smee was the top. You know what I mean right? HJ is being played so hard. I can't believe KQ staff are letting this happen to him. Is it OK that I'm watching this?

Hwa, what are you doing, you weird pervert!?!?

SO they have finished one of the wings. Hwa says, to be encouraging, You just have to make one more! but HJ is like, Why does the fucking spaceship have two wings?

HJ doesn't want to snap the pieces together anymore. He says, I'll find the pieces and you assemble it.

AND NOW HWA IS THE GENERAL AND HJ IS USING 존댓말. Hwa's voice gets louder and lower and HJ turns into a little high pitched bird.

THIS IS THE KINKIEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN

WHAT IS HAPPENING

HWA IS SO HARD RIGHT NOW.

FUCKING LEGO IS MAKING ME WRITE RPF FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE

I AM LOSING IT.

I'm suited to this! HJ says, happily. Being what? Being Hwa's submissive assistant? Do you even know what you're saying, HJ? Was this Hwa's big picture all along???

They entirely stop talking for long moments as Hwa is fully in the zone, having HJ play the attentive assistant to him, while he makes Legos. This is Hwa's sexuality, apparently. I mean I said he was queer but like, he went ahead and invented Lego Queer. I have been listening too much Ateez music because I'm fully hearing in my head Seonghwa singing I'm the one in my zone, 다른 애들은 삐약 as I'm watching HJ hover at Hwa's elbow as Hwa makes the rest of HJ's lego.

HJ starts cheering like an American cheerleader at Hwa making the lego.

LEGO QUEER KINKY SHIT.

이건 무슨 일이야 indeed.

What is it with these Ateez guys and their need to make speeches about life lessons? HJ, completely unaware of the Lego Queer Kink Dungeon in which he has found himself, jabbers on about how he is learning important Life Lessons from building this lego.

Hwa is putting stickers on the lego, and HJ is just stroking him by praising him every step of the way. HJ needed Hwa's praise to stay engaged in the lego making, but Hwa was actually just dosing him with the behavior he wanted HJ to do. That is, Hwa wanted HJ to praise him as he made legos. What's happening looks the same but what's actually going on is entirely different.

Hwa has completed the lego. HJ claps. Not because he liked it, but because he's so happy it's over. Hwa - I SWEAR TO GOD I'M LIVE BLOGGING THIS - Hwa POINTS THE PHALLUS SHAPED SPACE SHIP WITH THE TWO THINGS SPREAD OUT TO THE SIDE, HOLE FACING FORWARD, AND SHOOTS HIS LOAD AT THE CAMERA.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

i'm

I'M CRYING

I'M....

박성화 너 뭐하는거야????????????????????????

AND THEN HE GIVES IT TO HJ WHO ALSO SHOOTS HIS LOAD.

야 박성화! 성화야! 야!!!!!! 너! 너너!! 너어어어어어어!!!!!

You shouldn't shoot this at people, Hwa says, after collecting the bullet.

THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.

Hwa has a cruel streak if this is anything to go by. Look at poor little HJ who clearly had no idea what sort of video he was making. He's crushed, drained, overwhelmed. Hwa on the other hand is shooting load after load at the camera.

His aftercare is cold as shit too. He asks if HJ would ever make Legos again. When HJ responds with the loudest silence of all time Hwa just tells him what's next on the agenda - they are gonna make a small lego in HJ's composition room. HJ immediately says no. There is no shelving and no space. Hwa doesn't argue. He is just going to bide his time to get what he wants. Like he did this time. Then he summarily orders HJ to go.

가 he says. Just Go. Not go and rest or go and wash up or go and sleep. Just. Go.

HJ mumbles something about including San but Hwa had no answer to that because he got what he wanted. He's done.

Park Seonghwa is a Lego Queer Dom and he's A BRUTE

[haveyouseenthisskeleton]

What would be the place or thing the skeletons would be more likely to trap themselves inside on accident?

Undertale Sans - A wall. When he's too tired or in the middle of a narcolepsy crisis, Sans tries to avoid shortcutting because it always ends badly. When he has no choice, he either comes out of nowhere like a canon ball, smashing on the furniture or barreling on the floor, or he randomly teleports inside a wall. Usually, these shortcuts are eating too much magic, and he cannot get out of that embarrassing situation for at least an hour. At least Papyrus's reaction is funny.

Undertale Papyrus - His own traps. Sometimes, Papyrus gets a little too excited with his puzzles and so he builds them all around him... Then he realizes that he needs to do them to actually get out of there. He often forgets his own very complicated rules and gets trapped in a net or a pit :')

Underswap Sans - In the police station. He's so short sometimes the automatic doors doesn't trigger to open lol. And since he's often the last one to leave the place, there are one or two very embarrassing times when he had to sleep there lol.

Underswap Papyrus - In the bathroom. The lock is a bit difficult to open and he never remembers if you're supposed to turn it right or left. It's not rare to hear him completely panic and bang on the door, begging someone to grab a screwdriver and free him.

Underfell Sans - Outside his house lol. His door locks automatically, and when he orders anything, he goes out, forgets the door and it slams at his face, locking him outside. He often gets really angry before remembering he can teleport.

Underfell Papyrus - In Undyne's and Alphys' room, once. He just wanted to write an insult on Undyne's bedroom wall, but then they went back home and Edge had to hide in their closet. He witnessed traumatizing events after that and swore he would never put a foot in that place ever again. He also never wants to see Undyne naked ever again. Ew. He shivers every time he thinks about this.

Horrortale Sans - On top of the Empire State Building. How did he get there, you ask me? Damn, if he knew. He doesn't even live near that place, how the fuck did that happened. He calls Willow, panicking, and asks him to come and save him. That unfortunately happen often. Oak has a natural talent for getting stuck in random places.

Horrortale Papyrus - The damn henhouse. Every time he goes to collect the eggs, it's like a running gag: the hens laid their eggs just out of reach, forcing him to bend over and sometimes crawl into the henhouse. But Willow is really tall and way too big for the entrance, or his back suddenly remembers him that's a terrible idea. So, uh, yeah, sometimes, he can't get out lol. Most of the time, he gives up and lies down in defeat, waiting for someone to notice him.

Swapfell Sans - The vending machine in the castle. Nox needs his coffee to deal with Toriel's shit, but he used that machine so much it's not working anymore. So yeah, Nox gets angry at it sometimes, and he might have gotten stuck trying to grab biscuits or kicking the thing too hard. The worst part is that he had to beg Toriel for help.

Swapfell Papyrus - He had to go to the hospital once because he stuffed so many marshmallows in his mouth that he couldn't close it anymore. Worse, he had the brilliant idea to try to make them melt by warming them, and they became solid bricks in his mouth. The doctor spent hours trying to save his sorry ass, while Nox was begging them to end him or let him deal with his own shit as the bill was growing.

Fellswap Gold Sans - His hand got stuck in a jar once. Wine refused to ask for help and carried it for around three days until he had enough and exploded it against a wall. The lid stayed on. He pretended it was a new fashion bracelet even though the broken glass was very clearly injuring him every time he moved his wrist wrong. Wine ended up breaking it with a hammer.

Fellswap Gold Papyrus - He got stuck inside Wine's closet for four days once. Wine accidentally locked it, not knowing he was napping inside, and then he left on vacation lol. Coffee screamed for help for days, as he left his cellphone outside, breaking down panic attack after panic attack. It was only after crying every liquid in his body that he realized he could just teleport out the entire time. He was scared and tired, ok?!

[airandyeah]

Shot Through The Heart

Valentine’s Day had never really meant much to Toji Fushiguro. To him, it was just another day. He never saw the appeal of flowers, chocolates, or hearts. His life had been shaped by more serious matters—survival, strength, and the occasional task that required him to disappear into the shadows. But that all changed when she walked into his life.

The woman who had managed to turn the impossible into something simple, who didn’t ask for much but always gave everything. Y/N.

Toji couldn’t quite put a finger on when it happened. Maybe it was the first time she smiled at him without fear, or when she had made him laugh with her sharp wit and fearless attitude. Or maybe it was the way she seemed to look right through him, seeing beyond the hardened exterior he wore like armor.

Whatever it was, it had caught him off guard. And now, on Valentine’s Day, he found himself facing an unfamiliar challenge: how to show her that, despite his cold, indifferent exterior, his feelings for her were anything but.

As the sun began to set, Toji sat in his apartment, staring at the small, simple bouquet of lilies and roses he had bought—carefully chosen, despite his usual indifference toward such things. His apartment was quiet, save for the soft clinking of a mug being set down on the counter. The usual feeling of not caring was gone; it was replaced by a knot in his stomach. What if she doesn’t feel the same way?

He had never been one to make big gestures, preferring to stay out of the spotlight, out of others’ expectations. But today felt different. For her, he was willing to do things that were unfamiliar, that made him feel vulnerable.

After taking a deep breath, Toji grabbed the bouquet, making sure everything looked presentable. He didn’t want to overthink it. This wasn’t supposed to be complicated. He was just going to give her the flowers, tell her how he felt, and hope for the best.

When Y/N walked into the small café they had agreed to meet at, she immediately noticed the change in the usual ambiance. The dim lighting of the café, the soft music playing in the background, and—most notably—Toji, who was sitting at a corner table, a small bouquet placed carefully in front of him.

She paused for a moment, surprised. Toji Fushiguro was never one for public displays, nor did he seem the type to care about sentimental holidays.

"You actually remembered," she teased as she walked over to the table.

Toji looked up, his usually unreadable face softening just the slightest at the sight of her. "Yeah, well... you're different. I didn’t want to screw this up."

Y/N sat down across from him, an amused smirk tugging at her lips. "I’m surprised," she said, raising an eyebrow. "I thought you’d find a way to avoid this whole 'Valentine's Day' nonsense."

He chuckled darkly, his eyes locking onto hers with a hint of something far deeper than usual. "Not for you." He then pushed the bouquet of flowers across the table toward her.

Y/N blinked, surprised by the sincerity in his gesture. The flowers were simple, but the effort was clear. The lilies and roses contrasted the usual ruthlessness that surrounded Toji. She reached for the bouquet, her fingers brushing against his hand as she did so.

"You really did this for me?" she asked, her voice softening.

"Yeah," Toji muttered, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, not used to being so vulnerable. "I’m not great with words, but I don’t want you thinking it’s all just... a game to me."

Y/N’s heart fluttered at his honesty. She could tell that every word he spoke was genuine, and the thought of him trying to step out of his comfort zone just for her made something warm blossom in her chest.

Toji cleared his throat, his usual cocky demeanor returning as he leaned back in his chair, trying to hide the vulnerability. "I… well, I guess what I’m trying to say is… I like you, Y/N. And not just like a ‘I want to sleep with you’ thing. I’m talking about something real."

Y/N’s smile widened as she placed the bouquet on the table. She leaned forward slightly, her gaze softening. "I know, Toji. I like you too. I think I’ve liked you for a while now."

There was a brief silence between them, but it was comfortable, not awkward. Toji’s usual bravado was nowhere to be found, replaced instead by something far more sincere.

"Good," he said with a small, almost shy smile. "I don’t want to be the guy who doesn’t say what he means."

Y/N reached out, her fingers brushing his, a simple touch that spoke volumes. "You’re doing fine."

Toji, who had always been the one in control of every situation, realized then that the most important thing wasn’t about being strong or perfect. It was about being real. And for the first time, he allowed himself to be just that—real with her, no masks, no games.

"Happy Valentine’s Day," he said, his voice low but genuine.

Y/N’s heart melted as she looked into his eyes, seeing the man beneath the façade. "Happy Valentine’s Day, Toji."

As they shared a quiet moment, the world outside seemed to fade away. Toji Fushiguro, the infamous and untouchable man, had opened his heart to her, and in that instant, Y/N knew that this Valentine’s Day would be one she would never forget.

[hiskillingjar]

make me a gift

Relationship: Ren Hana/Lawrence Oleander Rating: Explicit Includes: Sex Toys, Masturbation, Guided Masturbation, Dirty Talk, Slight Dollificiation, Excessive Use of the Word 'Asshole' Length: 5200+ words

my much delayed addition to the BTD secret santa project from last month, for the lovely and incredibly patient @honeyaubade! happy valentine's day, honey, hope you like your gift!

special thanks to @thedemoninmywalls for arranging everything too :) same thing next year?

"There's no need to be so nervous, you know. It's just me. We're gonna have fun."

"Just you…" Lawrence murmured, their thighs tensing as Ren slowly approached them. 

The idle wag of his tail cast stark shadows and shade on the white walls of his little bedroom (he could have had the bigger one but didn’t; he let them have it because he was just that good, just that kind), casting them in darkness despite the light filling the small space. 

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" They then asked, nervously wetting their lips.

"It should," Ren smiled (baring his sharp, cannibal teeth), reaching out to touch their thigh, not even feeling bad when they flinched (they always flinched). "I'm a nice guy, after all."

"Mm," They hummed a non-answer, idly gnawing their bottom lip, not having the will to sink away into the bed or pull back from his touch, however invasive.

Ren took that as a good sign.

He probably would have kept going, though, even if they had pulled back.

“Just relax, alright?” He said, standing up straight and taking the elaborately packed sex toy from his desk, his wagging tail picking up speed. “You're so tense right now...we’re supposed to be having fun tonight.” He laughed to emphasise his point, which made Lawrence look all the more uncomfortable, their pretty face grimacing with distaste. “Come on, don’t give me that look…I'm not going to hurt you.”

"Well, I know you want to," They said quietly, looking down at their pale thighs, riddled with scars (only some of them his), to avoid his gaze. “And you hide it by doing things like this...trying to be nice to me. Giving me things that I didn’t ask for. You're not…good at hiding it."

“Hmph, is that right?” Ren asked with a slight scoff, taking a step closer to Lawrence and putting aside the sex toy (for the time being, anyway), letting it linger in his peripheral vision, so that he didn’t forget what he really wanted from this exchange. “You think you have me all figured out, hm?”

"You're not difficult to figure out," They said somewhat curtly, their sea-glass eyes back on his, a pale brow twitching with ill humour.

“God, you’re such an asshole, Law," He laughed again, hyena-like and harsh without meaning to be (he never meant to be, after all, it was just the way he was built, the way he was bred), leaning forward, pressing his knee to the edge of the bed and caging them down to it, to nuzzle their jawline. "And so mean to me. Even after I’m soooo nice to you."

They breathed out an unsteady exhale, their body tightening up again underneath his, but they raised their chin slightly, giving him room to kiss despite their palpable discomfort.

Ren’s smirk remained (cruelty persisting despite his efforts against it, despite how hard he tried not to be) as he leaned closer into their shrinking body and placed a lingering kiss under their chin. His other hand traced along the side of their abdomen, feeling up their small waist under their baggy clothes.

It had gotten smaller recently. They weren’t eating properly yet.

"You look pretty cute like this, though..." He murmured against their pale skin, humming in approval at the low groan they pulled in through their teeth as he shifted their sweatpants down their hips. “And you’re so well-behaved, too! Hmf, at least when you want to be. When you know to be.”

Lawrence knew what happened when they misbehaved.

The heavy collar around their neck was proof enough of what could happen if they chose to.

Ren chuckled, pressing another lingering kiss to their tense jawline before pulling away.

"Lift your hips for me.”

"Mmhmm," They nodded and raised their hips slightly, letting Ren hook his fingers in the waistband of their sweatpants and pull them down and off of their legs (catching, however momentarily, on their flaccid cock), flippantly tossing them aside and joining them on the bed, shifting closer and admiring the sight of them as they lay back, spreading themselves open.

Prey for the predator that he was.

"You really do look cute," Ren said, the smile on his lips growing ever more playful and mischievous, fangs teasing his bottom lip. "I like it when you have your legs open like this...like it’s something you’re supposed to do, you know?" He teased, his smile broadening into a sharp grin as he placed a hand against their thigh and pushed it open more, revealing the soft skin of their ballsack and the dusky pink of their asshole. “Like you know it’s what you’re supposed to do.” 

The force of the gesture was enough to make Lawrence flinch, those sea-glass eyes wide and staring up at him, fighting an urge to pull away or put up a fight.

Their lack of action made him laugh, though (they often made him laugh even when they weren’t trying to). He ran his hand back and forth along their pale (scarred) thigh, letting his fingers (his claws) brush over their skin.

"But you're so tense still…” He said, pushing his bottom lip forward in a mocking pout. “You're gonna have to relax, if you want this to be enjoyable."

"I'm trying to relax," Lawrence insisted, their lips trembling slightly as Ren’s thumb traced a newer scar (pink, red, and harsh, barely healed) along the inner divet of their thigh and groin, the sharp point of his claw teasing the torn skin.

"Mm, it doesn't look like it…” Ren murmured dismissively against their neck, pressing another kiss into their skin (what little of it was on show with the collar in the way), listening to their breath hitch and stutter, their trembling hands finding his shoulders and trying to urge him back. “Is it that hard to relax when you're with me?" He then asked, feigning hurt.

"N-No," They stammered, raising their chin a little more (like a dog offering its throat to an enemy to bite and maim) as he laved their neck with kisses and kitten licks, playing the gentle boyfriend that neither of them wanted him to be. "I just...mmh...struggle to relax in general...you know that."

"Mmyeah, I can see that…” He huffed out a laugh, his knuckles idly grazing against the still flaccid length of their cock (trying not to take offence to it, they struggled to keep it up at the best of times, so it totally wasn’t personal). “It's alright. I can make you relax," He then whispered, his free hand snaking up their chest to undo the buttons of their shirt.

Their shoulders trembled, but they didn’t put up a fight as he tugged the shirt down their arms, exposing their lean torso, riddled with his scratches, bites, markings of twisted love and demented ownership.

“God, just look at you…” 

Ren’s gaze darkened when he saw his handiwork against their pale skin, and a possessive satisfaction filled his expression.

“Pretty thing, covered in my marks," He whispered hungrily, his hands now roaming the pale plains of their exposed torso, feeling up the scars, fresh and old, taking a mental note of every mark he'd left behind on them, committing them to memory. “Like a fucking painting. You’re so pretty, Law. So, so fucking pretty…”

"Mmf," They whimpered as his touch caught an especially fresh set of punctures over their heart, their pallid skin almost purple from the depth of the wounds, the blossoming bruises that had brought blood right to the surface. "Ren," They whined, squeezing their eyes shut, shaking a little more. “Please…”

"I know, I know, it still hurts, doesn’t it?" He asked gently, though a sly smirk on his face gave away his more duplicitous nature. “You're just so delicate right now, aren’t you, love?”

Lawrence's jaw tensed a little, their eyes flitting down and their face heating to a light pink.

They had never been called something as intimate and gentle as ‘delicate’ before, nor had they ever had the contradictory privilege of actually feeling delicate. 

The word inspired images of fragility, images of expensive china reserved for special occasions, and ornate tea cups shattering into a thousand pieces when they fell to the ground. These were things preserved and cared for with the utmost diligence, things that Lawrence could never relate to, unlike others (unlike their sisters, their mother, animals, and plants).

‘Delicate’ made them feel breakable.

There was a twisted masochism to feeling so easy to break.

"You are delicate," Ren repeated, his voice a low and oddly fond murmur (because he really was so fucking fond of them) as he gently brushed a lock of blonde hair away from their face, tucking it behind one of their ears. “I mean, just look at you. You’re so…” He tilted his head to the side, their eyes meeting. “So small and fragile, like a little doll I should put on a shelf.” 

Lawrence’s cock almost instantly hardened, and Ren’s smile was so broad, it made his face ache.

If Ren was easy to figure out, Lawrence was just as easy.

“That’s what you are, isn’t it, baby? My pretty, fragile, little doll."

They let out a low moan, wrapping their arms around his shoulders (squeezing him close, holding him tight) and hiding their flushed face against his temple, burying into his hair, as he kissed their neck again, soft, plush lips gently tracing over every bite he had left behind before, counteracting any sense of brutality with cruel gentleness.

Ren let out another quiet laugh at their insistent moans, his hands slowly moving to grip their hips and pull them closer to him. His cock began to stir in his joggers as their crotches lined up, too, all while Lawrence’s remained impossibly hard (they were so easy to read, after all), and the tip drooled pre-cum across the dark fabric.

“You got excited pretty quick,” He murmured into their neck, feeling their arms tighten. “Have you relaxed enough that we can have some fun now?”

"Yes…” After a moment of hesitance, Lawrence breathed out, pulling themselves away from his shoulder, showing off flushed cheeks and a hazy expression of pleasure, warmth and undeniable lust. “Yes…okay, I’m ready…" They nodded, breathing out again as Ren pulled back and reached for the box at his side.

"Good," He praised with a genuine smile (they deserved praise for this, after all), opening the box and letting the thick dildo gracelessly fall between them, heavy and dense and utterly obscene. "I had to go out and buy this, you know. I wanted to know if it would be the perfect size, not too small or too big…”

His grip barely wrapped around the toy's girth, making his expression appear even more excited.

"It's a nice one too, huh?” He asked, looking up at them again, golden eyes sparkling. “Pretty lifelike and the perfect size for you, I think!"

He was enjoying this a little too much.

"Mmh," Lawrence said nothing of his enthusiasm, biting their lip (a nervous habit he was picking up on), not taking their hazy eyes off the toy. "You have...mm, lube, right?"

"Of course," Ren replied with a scoff and an eye roll. "I’m not gonna make you take it without lube.” 

He took a moment to look away from them and their lovely, nervous expression, his tail wagging (probably right across their body, but like that mattered, like he cared) as he reached around and pulled open the drawer beside him, rummaging through it for a moment as he searched for the bottle of lube.

“What kind of person do you take me for?" He murmured under his breath.

"I wouldn't put anything past you anymore," They murmured, watching intently as Ren sat back between their spread legs, uncapping the bottle and squeezing out a healthy amount of the viscous fluid, utterly covering the toy, enough that it was dripping onto the comforter. “It’s not entirely out of your character to attempt this without lube…is all I’m saying.”

Ren glanced back at them with a smirk, setting the bottle down.

"You're so rude, you know that?” He said, his voice taking on a lower tone, as close to dangerous as he’d let himself go with them, as he rubbed the lube into the toy, his grip working from the tip to the moulded base. “I go to alllll the trouble to get you something nice, even to lube it up for you, and this is how you speak to me."

Lawrence said nothing, an ill-amused look in their sea-grey eyes.

“Hmph…maybe I should make you take it without lube,” He then added, moving closer to him, his knee pressing to their thigh as he urged them to part their legs more. When they did so (however hesitantly, which he paid attention to), he reached forward with sticky fingers and rubbed some of the excess lube into their skin, just barely caressing their asshole. “Hm? Should I do that? You’re such a masochist sometimes, I bet you’d find something to enjoy in it…”

"It's…it’s much bigger than you are," Lawrence murmured through grit teeth, breathing hard as Ren’s claws kissed the tight ring of muscle, a subtle threat. “It would tear me apart.”

"Oh, really? I hadn't noticed," He teased coyly, replacing his claws with the pads of his fingers, listening to his partner (his victim) instantly melt and moan underneath him as he worked the lube into their skin, into the blooming muscle. "Mm, maybe you'll have trouble with it anyway, even after I’ve gone to all this trouble..."

"You'll enjoy that, though," They breathed out, their thighs tensing up again as his claws dragged upwards to their cock, hard and throbbing between their trembling thighs. "M-me struggling..."

"Mm, yeah, I would enjoy that,” Ren conceded with a casual shrug, pressing the tips of his claws into their thighs, bringing up minute pinpricks of blood and making his eyes gleam with hunger. “I should be honest with you about that, since you’re so generous to me…I’d really enjoy that.”

"Mmf," Lawrence’s expression tightened slightly as Ren pressed closer, forcing their thighs to press up more against their middle as the toy lingered threateningly between their legs. 

“But I’m not going to hurt you,” Ren said, giving them as gentle a smile as he could manage when he was this worked up. “Because I can do things for you that would do nothing for me, even when I don’t want to. I’m good like that, hm?”

"Ghh," 

They instantly took in a low groan as Ren pressed the blunt head of the toy to their asshole, gradually working it open and easing in the bulbous tip. 

"Fuck, god,” Their groans built up in volume and wonderful lowness, coming from the back of their throat, making something inside Ren throb. “Please, go slow, at least..."

"Slow, hm?” Ren murmured, pulled out of his lusty haze for a moment. “Mmh, since you asked so nicely, I guess I can do that.”

They took a sharp inhale through their noses, their eyes squeezing shut as they felt (were forced to feel) the slow, horribly slow, disgustingly slow drag of the toy against their insides. They cringed privately when it found very little resistance, easing into them in a way that was shamefully easy.

Ren had broken them in exceptionally well.

"Fuhhhh..." They moaned, tilting their head back as Ren continued to push the toy deep inside of them. “G-God…”

"You seem to be handling this pretty well," He said, a smile on his face as he hungrily watched their asshole stretch around the dense, black plastic, utterly obscene but so perfect to watch and enjoy. "I was expecting a bit more of a struggle, honestly. But…maybe I didn't give you enough credit, hm?"

They said nothing barring their desperate moans, pants and slurred mumblings of ‘god’, ‘fuck’, and ‘ughhhh’, their body shifting and hips bucking with trembling jerks.

“So good for me,” Ren hummed approvingly, his free hand running along their skin, rubbing soothing circles into their trembling thighs. "I think you can handle more, can't you?"

"S-So deep," They breathed out, finally speaking as Ren took a firm hold of the base and eased the toy deeper, their voice trembling as their body unconsciously jerked forward, needily seeking him to cling on to, like he was the only thing tethering them to the Earth.

And maybe he was, at least in the metaphorical sense. 

“God, Rennnuh-”

"You sound so sweet right now. It's adorable... and so different.” Ren licked his lips (his fangs), shifting his hips forward so he could rock his hard-on against Lawrence’s thigh, using their body while they were enjoying themself at his hand. “I should buy you toys more often if they make you act like this."

"Nnno," They whined out, pressing their face into his cheek, breathing hard against his skin.

"No? Why not?” Ren chuckled again, his free hand moving up to toy with a lock of their hair, watching their facial expression intently and greatly enjoying every little sound and the sight of them being so flustered and dishevelled.

Their face was red and hot, their breathing shaky as they tried to keep their eyes open.

“Maybe I should get you a whole new set of toys. Buzzing ones, ones I could keep inside of you all day.” Ren smirked to himself, biting his lip and indulging in the mental image of keeping Lawrence plugged and toyed with for hours on end, until they were sobbing and their cock was drooling, god- “It would be soooo much fun to play with you.”

"Oh god," They gasped, eyes suddenly shooting wide and rolling back into their head as the toy pushed deeper, impossibly deep, almost to the hilt. "Nghhh, goddduhh.."

Another low chuckle passed his lips.

"Ugh, the look on your face. Do you like that, baby? I think you like it a whole lot," He teased, biting his lip as he rocked his hips a little more eagerly, his cock throbbing and leaking in his joggers. "You keep making cute sounds, too. I could listen to you make sounds like that all day, you know. It's really cute."

"Ren," They drawled, pressing their face into his hair, nuzzling against the soft hair of his ears. "T-Too much...please, need a break…"

"Oh, it’s too much, huh?" He repeated, a smirk on his face. "Maybe for someone else, it’s too much, but I think you can take it... can't you, doll?” 

Lawrence’s asshole tightened around the toy, the pressure making it jut backwards slightly and making the shivering body underneath it moan and whimper even more.

“It's not that bad, is it?" Ren’s voice lowered as he leaned into them, chests together, the base of his cock against the base of the toy (pretending that he was the one doing this instead), his mouth down to their ear. "Not even half bad, really. Mmh,” His lids fluttered slightly. “O-Or do you want me to stop and take it out?"

"...No," Lawrence murmured bashfully through their whimpers, nuzzling into his hair again. "J-Just...go slow..."

Ren smiled at their soft words, their hesitant pleading appealing to all his softer sides (sides of himself that he thought he had hardened), leaning into the nuzzle and pressing a kiss to their flushed cheek.

“Okay, baby,” He crooned, slowly pulling the toy back and pumping it inside of them, letting them gradually work around the length before he eased any deeper. “We’ll go slow for you.”

“T-Thank you,” They managed to wheeze out through persisting whimpers, still clinging onto him tightly, so tight, so perfect.

“You’re so welcome,” Ren grinned, pressing another kiss to their cheek, easing his hips back to rub against their thigh again. He would take this happily if they kept behaving so sweetly for him. "You're such a good little doll for me, you know that?” He praised, giggling fondly at their immediate whimper and the puckered grip around the toy. “You said you were going to struggle, but just look at you..."

He marvelled at how quickly their bodies acclimatized to the toy's (frankly) intimidating size and force, feeling almost self-conscious about how much his own body ached just to hold the thing (he needed to work out). His gaze never strayed from their bodies, though. He admired every curve and contour of them, taking every soft gasp and whimper from their lips and filing them away for another time. 

He then moved his hand back to their hair, running his fingers through it reverently. 

“You’ve almost taken all of it. All twelve inches. It’s not hard at all, is it?”

Lawrence was silent again, panting hard against his temple while bitten fingernails dug into his shoulders (hard enough that he could feel it through his hoodie). Ren didn’t mind, though, humming softly as he leaned into their tight grip, letting a low hum of satisfaction pass his lips, like he couldn’t be any happier.

He then gently gripped them by the back of the neck, pulling them closer and tilting their head to press his mouth to their ear again, making his voice gentle and low, and whispered: 

“Does it hurt?”

“Yes,” Lawrence said almost instantly, their eyes squeezed tight before they gradually opened, tears clinging to their pale lashes, their little pink tongue wetting their lips again. “No…mmh, yes and no. Not a normal pain.”

“Not normal, huh?” Ren murmured with a tilt of his head, watching their expression intently with a raised eyebrow. “Feels good and bad, doesn’t it? Hurts and doesn’t hurt.”

"Like nothing I've felt before," They breathed out with a long sigh, barely reacting as the toy slid right into the hilt (Ren almost expected a comedic “pop!” as he watched hungrily); the only thing giving it away at all was the flutter of their lids and the tremble of their long limbs around him. "Fuhhh, nothing...l-like it..."

Ren licked his lips (always a fox with a pinned doe with them) as he looked them over again, gaze travelling from their face to their trembling legs - one of which he forced to spread apart even wider to drape and wrap around his hip, holding him close while their other leg remained on the bed.

“Mhh, but you love it, don’t you? I can tell just by looking at you,” He crooned softly, leaning in again to nuzzle at their jaw, eyes flitting down to their collar, his ownership of them, and feeling a hot pulse of pride and arousal rush straight to his cock, making him groan. “Mmm, taking it like you were born to do it. Maybe you were born to do it, hm?”

“Yesss,” They slurred brainlessly, tilting their head back even more, their back arching. 

"Of course you were," He murmured, his voice deeply approving as he pressed his mouth to the newly exposed flesh of their throat, dragging his teeth against their pale neck and leaving a trail of bite marks along the way. "My pretty little doll was born for this, weren't you?"

“Your pretty doll,” They panted, hesitantly reaching down between their bodies to work their hand up and down their cock, getting themself even more eager and hungry. “All yours.”

Ren’s eyes widened slightly, his face heating up as he watched them masturbate, filled to the very brim with the obscene toy.

They so rarely touched themself like this, and he felt exceptionally lucky just to be able to see it. 

His panting mouth pressed more intently against their neck, his teeth becoming sharper and more resolved to bite. He took a deep breath and exhaled a low hiss through his clenched teeth.

"Oh, but is my pretty doll becoming needy? Being impatient? I haven't even told you you could touch yourself yet," He whispered, fangs nipping painfully, drawing a line of broken skin from their collarbone to their shoulder, bringing up blood and quick bruises. “You were being so shy before, and now you’re acting like a slut.”

A bead of blood ran down Lawrence’s panting chest, their eyes struggling to stay open as they bucked more into their fist, grip so tight that their knuckles looked white. Ren was breathing heavily at the sight, mouth-watering, the sharp scent of blood filling his nose and igniting a flame deep in his core. 

It was taking everything in him to restrain himself.

He let out a shaky breath, his eyes blown wide and dark with arousal as he watched them move, their asshole somehow tightening even more around the thick toy, his words coming out in a shaky whisper. 

“You're such a mess; it's almost unbelievable. If I didn't know better, I'd swear you've done this before...or thought about it...a lot..”

“Thought about it,” They murmured with a hesitant nod, keening up to cling onto him again, press his mouth to their shoulder, rubbing the head of their cock against his through his joggers. “My teachers in school, my guidance counsellor. Thought about it so much that thinking made me want to throw up and cut myself.” 

Their eyes met his, oddly empty despite their persisting arousal.  

“Part of me still wants to throw up. To cut myself.”

Ren kept his mouth on their shoulder, but the force of his bite relented (even just slightly), the bite softening to leave a less angry-looking mark on their skin.

“I can’t have that,” He murmured, pulling back and giving the bite a gentle kitten lick, as if apologising. “I can’t have my doll hurting themself. I won’t let them.” He keened upwards, licking the rest of their bites, soothing their wounds, and relishing in the soft murmurs of pleasure that Lawrence let out.

“No,” They said, gripping themselves somehow tighter. “I suppose that’s true. No sense hurting myself when you’ll do it for me…” 

“Mhm,” He hummed, his mouth travelling upwards to tongue their neck again. One of his hands came to rest in their hair, the other wrapping around their little waist, as he nipped and nibbled along their jaw, sharp and familiar but teasing and gentle at the same time, coming to give their ear a little bite and tug. “I won’t let you hurt yourself, but…I don’t mind you touching.”

His hand joined theirs around the base of their cock, squeezing them with a little less force.

“If it replaces those bad thoughts with good ones, hm?”

“Yes,” Lawrence groaned softly, pressing their forehead against his shoulder and letting go of their cock, moving into his touch, needing it, needing him- “Yes, Ren…”

“Mhh, that’s better…” 

Ren praised and pressed a kiss to their hair, running his hand up and down their bony back (feeling each notch of their spine), tracing the bites he’d left, soothing them as his other hand stayed to toy with them. He moved closer then, pressing his face into the crook of their neck and taking in another breath, indulging in the scent of their skin, their sweat, the way it all mixed with his, their breathing and whining sounds, everything. 

It was just so good when it was good.

“Don’t stop touching yourself, though,” He murmured against their ear, pressing another kiss against their temple, another to their cheek. “Let’s make you feel good, baby…”

“R-Ren,” They groaned lowly as he squeezed tightly again, his warm grip working up and down their cock, well-lubed with rivulets of constantly streaming pre-cum. They were really turned on. “Can I…?”

“Can yoooou..?” He repeated in a quiet, breathless voice, almost a purr. He let out a slight hum, a low rumble of noise as his teeth scraped against their earlobe, making them whimper and buck even more. “Can you what, baby? Use your words.”

“Mmh,” They nestled into his hair again. “Can I…u-use the toy on myself?”

Ren felt his breath catch at the words, his teeth clamping down on their ear as his grip around their waist involuntarily tightened, feeling them squirm and writhe.

“Hah,” He breathed out with a giddy smile. “Greedy. You sure you can handle that?”

“I don’t know,” They murmured, reaching down (without his permission, but he wasn’t going to punish good behaviour) and gripping the base of the toy, their hand trembling as they slowly eased it out and pumped it back in. “Nghhh, I don’t know…but I’ll take it anyway.”

“Yeah, you will.”

God, the way they were acting, shaking and trembling and whining, so demure and sweet and shit, it made his teeth ache.

“Hhmm…I’d say that your body can take it, but I’m not so sure about your brain, heh.” He tittered softly, bucking more hungrily against their thigh and licking the side of their face, his panting mouth pressing against his cheek. “It looks like it’s going to melt out through your ears, my little doll.”

“Doesn’t sound so bad,” They murmured, letting him push them back against the bed, lids fluttering as they continued to pump the toy in and out of themself. “Hahhh, no thinking…sounds good.”

“Mm, if you’re going to stop thinking,” He hummed, licking across their panting mouth, pushing his tongue past their lips and exploring every crevice. He was so greedy in the way he took, his teeth nipping at their lip and tongue, demanding more and more with each hungry kiss they shared. “Let me take care of you.”

“Mmfff…”

Lawrence groaned brainlessly, opening their mouth for them to kiss properly, hungrily, as he gripped their cock even tighter, working the tight grip of his first up and down the length of it, so hard and wet as the tip drooled against his skin. 

So perfect.

“Yeah, I’ll take care of you…cus that’s what friends do,” Ren murmured hotly against Lawrence’s mouth, as if his mind went blank with each press of their lips, lost in the act of kissing them, in their touch, in their taste. “They help each other out. Don’t they, baby?”

“Hah,” Lawrence’s eyes fluttered with a stuttering exhale as Ren’s grip grew tighter and tighter, almost painfully so, their own grip on the toy wavering as the base was worked back inside of them, thick rubber pressed up against the tight heat of their asshole, swallowing it up hungrily. “Y-Yeah…that’s…mm, right…”

“Of course it’s right,” He murmured with a giddy smile, panting heavily against their mouth, grinding desperately hard against their hip, stimulating his cock the best he could. “We’re friends, after all. So I’m gonna take care of you, baby. Let me do it for you...”

Lawrence was a vision underneath him, one he wanted burned into his brain so he’d never forget it. 

Soft, bruised, scarred pale skin stretched over protruding hipbones, over sharp shoulders like a perfect canvas, long legs wrapped around him, trembling and jutting with each movement, sea-grey eyes fluttering and watering from the sheer, overwhelming force of their pleasure, beating them like waves against a mountainside.

If he saw them every day, he would remember this time. 

He pressed his forehead against theirs, unwilling to let them see his overwhelming fondness for them.

At least, not yet.

“Doesn’t that feel so much better than doing it yourself?”

“Yes.”

Lawrence’s long fingers tangled into his hair and rubbed at his scalp, and it took everything in him not to keen into the touch and let himself enjoy it, enjoy Lawrence in such an intimate way.

Maybe one day.

“It’s perfect, Ren.”

[starlos-art-stuff-lol]

Wouldn't it be messed up if Portal was like, a time loop or something

Chell escapes in Portal one after a few hours of puzzles, but she immediately passes out and get dragged back in. Chell's sent to sleep for [9999999-] And when she wakes up, she spends another few conscious hours escaping again, but for real this time.

At least, that's what seems to happen in the story.

As a player, you experience the game very differently from Chell.

For example; imagine you're a new player. You start Portal 1, and after the tutorial/easy section, the puzzles start to get harder. They take longer, one of the puzzles seems to require timing in a way that almost feels like it goes against the game rules. You take a lot of time to complete the puzzles, you die multiple times, and that's fine. The game is meant to be played that way. You beat gladOS and escape. This playthrough is for fun.

You start up portal 2, you watch a few cutscenes/scripted events. It's fun that you get to walk around and look at whatever you want, though the room is a bit dim, and Wheatley is kind of the same color as most other things, so it's not Immediately easy to find him when he's talking to you. You solve more puzzles, get betrayed by Wheatley, learn to never love anything, solve more puzzles, shoot Wheatley into space, get broken up with by GladOS, and you're confused by the turrets singing some opera song at you before you leave. You assume it's the devs saying "good job" but like, it's kinda out of place.

...

...So that was fun. Really fun actually. The humor was great, the characters were endearing, and you check out the multiplayer campaign.

You decide to play again.

...

You wake up in that one room again. You question why this bedroom is covered by glass from 3 sides. You hop through the easy levels with ease. You poke a stick at some of the levels, seeing if there are other ways to beat them, and you don't find any. You hop skip and jump through the test chambers, remembering the solutions to most of them. You don't fall for the fire pit near the end, which you didn't the first time, but you didn't know how to escape it and didn't think to portal out of the chamber. You beat gladOS pretty fast now, after figuring out how to beat her the first time. You try to explore, you think about this game know knowing the context of Portal 2. This playthrough is for lore.

You start Portal 2. You try to see if you can do anything in the starting room, which you can't. You know Wheatley's fate, you try to avoid getting attached, but you still hesitate to plug him into gladOS's body. You solve puzzles, trying to explore but find that this game is a lot more streamlined than you previously thought, despite it's scale. You try to save the defective turrets from incineration, but after a certain point, you run out of patience as they just keep coming. You decide to jump into Wheatley's Pit during the part where he kills you, just as a bit, and discover that he has unique dialogue for that. You hear the adventure core tell you to make Wheatley say a certain thing so he can snap back with a quip, and then Wheatley says that thing. None of that happened in your last playthrough. You realize that the turret symphony is GladOS's love letter to Chell, and it's kinda beautiful. You tear up a bit.

...

You finish again. Now what? You love these characters now, but there's not much left to discover. Do you play the game again? Just because?

Sure, why not?

But what's the goal now? Maybe you can try to blast through the games as fast as possible? Sure, you think you've memorized the test chambers by now.

...

You boot up portal again, pushing against the wall until the portal opens and co.pleting the tutorial as fast as possible. You dash through the levels, but end up on several hangups. You think about how you could have done this thing faster, or how you could have avoided that death. You beat the game in only a few hours. This playthrough is about speedrunning.

You start Portal 2. You frantically run around the starting room, unable to skip the cutscene as it's an in-game event. You hop through the wall, grab the portal gun, and blast through the puzzles. You're slower here, you feel like you're getting snagged on ledges more often, and the puzzles are harder to both remember and perform. By the end of the game, you feel like you could have gotten a much better time. Regardless, the whole ordeal is only a few hours.

...

You could have done less, you could have gone faster. You need a better time.

Again.

...

You press start, you speed through the levels. You run face-first into the corner of a wall, but otherwise make few mistakes. This run is about better speedrunning. You shave half an hour off your time.

You press "new game", you still can't escape the first cutscene, but you ignore everyone's dialogue, you figure out the physics of the game and stop getting stuck walking into ledges, you shave an hour off your time.

...

You're content with this. You aren't a professional speedrunner, but you went pretty fast.

...You're still not ready to let go of this game, yet.

You look online for exploits. Maybe you can find some deleted content.

You figure out how to activate debug mode, and realize you can use this to look behind the scenes.

...

You start the first game again, and turn on noclip. You give yourself the 2-portal portal gun immediately, and start checking out the out-of-bounds areas. You're freaked out by the giant white angelic glowing void beyond the game, but get accustomed to it quickly. You find an unused cake room, you look in the "scientist-examination" rooms outside of most of the chambers, which aren't that interesting, but it's nice to see them. You attempt to teleport between levels, but you find it easier to travel by elevator, if only because you don't have to type as much. Honestly, there's not much to find. This playthrough is about going beyond the bounds of the game.

You start the second game again. The setpieces for this game are a lot more expensive. You finally escape the apartment at the beginning of the game, and realize it's fully modeled from the outside too. You spend hours just looking at the gigantic setpieces from the outside, marveling at how gigantic and beautiful everything is. You don't think to look for Easter eggs more than thrice, as you're so dedicated to simply looking at all the complicated functions of everything. You also notice the light bridge is humming, like it's literally singing. It sounds familiar. The moon exists upside-down, below the boss battle, which didn't even occur to you until you saw it. It seemed like a cutscene up until now.

...

You've gained a new complex appreciation for this game. But you can't help but wonder if this was how you were supposed to experience things. Probably not, but like, whatever. You go into Tumblr and look up portal 2 fanart

...

...

...uhh, where was I going with this?

OH RIGHT TIMELOOPS

Uhh ok so. Thanks for reading all that. Bonus post time

So, what would The Portal Series's gameplay loop look like in-universe?

I mean, it wouldn't look like anything, the characters keep forgetting, but like

Chell remembers, in theory

I mean, she learns, you learn when you die, she should too, since you're controlling her

Imagine waking up in a mysterious place, not knowing where you were before this point or how you got here, so you have to escape.

And you die in a pit of acid.

And then you're not dead. You're at the point right before you died.

First of all, fucking ow. Second of all, how do you not die again? How did you undie just now? (You don't know you're a fictional character in a video game lol idiot)

You die over and over, eventually, you beat the person who keeps killing you, but you're so exhausted and starved that you pass out immediately after getting flung outside.

You wake up, in a small apartment. An electronic voice is telling you want to do. Your last memory is setting dragged backwards, supposedly into the facility again. You don't want to die, but you can't seem to open the door out and your robotic male not-gladOS caretaker doesn't seem to want to harm you. You go back to sleep, exhausted.

You wake up, and this tiny cute robot-

Look I'm not writing a pov fanfic for you, let's skip to the good stuff

You wake up, back in the fucking building again. You escaped, she kicked you out. She doesn't seem to remember. You don't die this time, and the same shit happens.

The blue fucker, you feel kinda bad for him, but he also punched you into a pit, so-

He doesn't remember anything either.

...

Like, that's a whole story there. Chell going crazy because her life is following Undertale RESET rules except she can't change anything without fundamentally breaking spacetime (again, she doesn't know she's a videogame character so that's what no clipping looks like to her)

That'd be so messed up right?

[pigeonclaw]

the amount of times I have potentially controversial opinions that I type up and then save in my drafts forever because I still feel them but am too shy and afraid to choose violence in any way

[musical-chick-13]

.

[thegempage]

the stories. that live in my head. unwritten. y'all have no idea

[teddybeartoji]

“look at me, hm?”

toji's voice is barely above a whisper, his words softer than ever. with his hands circled around your middle, he stands there behind you, his chest glued against your back like a big bear. his heavy head rests on your shoulder, eyes locked onto yours in a quiet plea. you think you hear a pout in his tone. 

but you don’t give him a reaction, gaze locked onto the vegetables on the cutting board in front of you.

you’re upset with him and toji feels like he's dying.

all of this just because you're jealous.

because the love of his life is jealous. 

toji only spared her a glance, brushing her off and saying that his partner is waiting for him – she’s the one that went on and on, talking about the milk carton in his hands as if toji had never seen it before. but little do you know, every single word that spilled from the stranger, went in one ear and right out the other – toji couldn’t be less interested in anybody other than you. if you were to crack open his head and take a look around, it’d be all you. you and your laugh, you and your eyes, you and your hands, you and your hobbies. you and you and you. even when he was standing there with the milk carton in his hand, the only thing on his mind was how he’s going to watch you chomp down a big bowl of cereal the next morning. 

you just happened to see the moment the woman leaned closer with a charming smile on her lips and her hand on his forearm while saying her goodbye, and that was enough for the ugly thoughts to bully themselves into your head.

even though you trust toji, you know he doesn’t entertain any flirting attempts that might come his way, but sometimes… sometimes you just can’t help but feel that you might not be enough. what if he did think the woman was more beautiful, or maybe he did find the guy, who asked for his help at the gym the other day, hot? what if he found them more interesting than you, what if he feels himself stuck to you against his will? 

you heard your own words swimming around in your head and cringed at yourself, ashamed that you were letting that weird growth of jealousy torment you.

but it had already taken root. 

that evil, ugly little thing in the back of your mind. and you couldn’t shake it.

not on your own at least. 

toji had made his way over to you, taking his place by your side while squinting at the little piece of paper in his hands. but you were quiet, more so than usual, and toji isn’t stupid – he might not be the best with feelings and emotions, but he does know you. 

he could tell just by the way you avoided his gaze, the way you started to shorten your answers. the way you pulled away and into yourself – he watched you disappear into your own head right in front of his eyes and he hated it. 

but not wanting to push any wrong buttons here in public, he swallowed your silence with a heavy heart and guided you to your car with a hand on your lower back. he’s not as afraid as he used to be – he isn’t as scared to step into your space, now knowing that this is just what you need sometimes. a little push, a little nudge, to break free from the vines of envy and jealousy and doubt. he’ll burn them, he’ll cut you free. 

the car ride home was quiet. with your head rested against the window and eyes set on the passing buildings and cars, toji found himself stealing glances at you every chance he got. oh, how he hated the pout on your lips, the very same one you’re wearing now. all he wanted to do was to take you into his arms and kiss you, hold you. to make you laugh. to make you forget every single thing that has ever bothered you.

toji let you simmer for exactly ten minutes, just enough for you to change into your pyjamas and to wash up before deciding on your distraction – the dishes. he snuck up on you as silently as he could; the tips of his fingers itched to feel your skin under them, his ears tired from the silence in the apartment. the sigh that you let out as he pressed himself flush against you, sounded better than anything before. toji had already started to miss you in those twenty minutes you were away from him. 

“please… “

it’s not often you get to hear that word, especially in that tone, so it’s hard for you to ignore the stuttering of your poor, sensitive heart. his nose nudges against your cheek and you put down the knife to lean into him on instinct; with your hands on top of his, your bodies mold together like pieces of a puzzle. 

“you know you’re the only one for me…” 

the words form in the back of his mouth and roll from his tongue like a low purr. they’re coated in something sweet, in something only you get to see and feel. his arms tighten around you and you know he means it. his heart beats against your back, as nervous as it is confident. he’s sure about his statement but a part of him is still scared that you won’t have him. that you’ll leave him. 

“she talked about the milk, that’s all she did, sweetheart.” gently, he sways your bodies side to side, letting the warmth of his body engulf you as he ropes you back to him.

“yeah?”

“yeah.”

“do you believe me?”

it’s something you’ve been practicing in order to get rid of any remaining specks of doubt. it goes both ways; he trusts that you’ll say what’s on your mind and you do the same. 

honesty. 

raw and real.

“yes.”

toji lets out a little puff of air through his nostrils, a wave of relief settling into his body. he knows it’s not over just yet, but it’s a start.

“can i kiss you?”

toji’s mossy green eyes meet yours for the first time in what feels like forever and all he can think about is how much you mean to him. his darling, his baby. he’s not one to be a sap, but hell, when it comes to you, he’s more than willing to drop to his knees and recite love poems for you if that’s what you’d like. anything and everything. 

he watches your eyes flick down to his mouth and then back up again and the little nod you give him is more than enough for him to finally press his lips to yours in a needy, hungry kiss. you melt into each other – skin against skin, tongue against tongue, it just feels right. the spark between you is still there, burning brighter than ever after all the time you’ve spent together. over hills and mountains, through lakes and rivers – nothing is too much or too little for the two of you to conquer together. he’ll be there for you and you’ll be there for him. 

“‘m all yours, sweetheart.”

his hushed words slip right between your lips and slither their way down your throat. inside, they bloom and they flourish. they overtake the rotting weeds that were growing there before and you feel it. you feel it happen. he breathes into you and you become alive again.

"i love you."

[mecachrome]

notes from nicole piastri's interview on red flags pod

oscar started playing monopoly and chess when he was 4-5 but he was too good at chess (relative to nicole) that she boycotted it

nicole opened her twitter account because oscar wasn't replying to her at boarding school and she needed a place to chastise him ("can you not answer... i KNOW you're on your phone") (it worked because he started replying to her there)

instead of unflappable she calls him "conservative"

even during christmas and birthdays he was never super excited, one time they went with a group of 5 mums and 5 kids to a hi-5 concert (popular australian kids' musical group) and while all the kids were "going nuts" oscar just sat there "focused the whole time" and didn't smile or move lmfao. they were like 3 years old

didn't know what she was doing with oscar as a baby because he was her first child and her mothers' group was her only reference and they went "isn't the best part of the day when you wake up and go to their crib and they smile at you?" and she was like ??? because oscar would wake up and just SCREAM every single day needing to be out of there immediately and she thought that was just normal... then she had the girls and went "ahhhh... so that's what they're talking about"

when he was younger than 2 he needed them to read car magazines to him and was already obsessed with all things automotive and while they were driving would just name off and point out car brands by their badges

for a long period of time he behaved like he was a car and would "spin" his wheels and pretend to accelerate and run like a car lol

did a big burnout the first time he was on a bike (it had training wheels but he still learned very early)

as a mum she wishes he'd chosen golf or tennis since it's much safer than f1 and sometimes people tell her that she technically had a say in that when he was a kid and she said "but i didn't! it was just in him!!!"

won an academic award when he was 13 and she was president of the parents' community so she presented it to him, normally these events are super formal and you simply shake hands but she gave him a big kiss and instead of acting embarrassed or spluttering he looked at the crowd, nodded silently, and walked off

came back for the summer a few years ago and they were biking on the beach together when she had to brake hard to avoid a kid and went over, when she recovered and got back on he went "are you all right?" very deadpan but after they got home they checked his heart rate monitor and saw that he was totally steady the whole time except for when she crashed and his heart rate went through the roof, told him "ah so you do have a heart... we just don't see it"

"there's no sibling that can piss him off?" "well he's a boy with three girls so he just doesn't go there because he's never going to win"

met lily in person for the first time when he came home for the melbourne grand prix (was still alpine reserve), at midnight oscar was like "hey mum you know the dts film crew are coming tomorrow morning right?" and she was like WHAT... and he was like yeah it'll be chill they just want to film us having breakfast like a normal family or whatever and she was like Mate you haven't lived here for 5 years now do you know what breakfast looks like. it looks like your sisters storming downstairs and grabbing an inappropriate breakfast and storming out the door giving me the finger!!! and then the next morning lily comes down and nicole is like "oh is oscar up?" and lily is like no... i think he's still in bed... (many such cases) and then mae refused to be in it so she got dressed and ran off to school 2 hours early to escape them. and then the mclaren fiasco happened and the whole thing got cut out of dts anyway

when she said "oh my god you met matt damon!" he was just like (shrugs) "yeah... yeah..."

they communicate by facetiming and he's Always lying in bed. one time in bahrain he was leaning back on an ornate tapestry and she asked what hotel he was staying at and he was like oh i'm at the royal palace i'm like a guest of the crown prince. she freaked out and was like "oh my god!!! get your head off the tapestry!!!" and he just looked back like ? no it's fine it looks pretty old lol

called her to tell her that he signed his f1 contract and when he said mclaren she Realized and was like oh no i love daniel!! and he straight up deadpanned "yeah everyone loves daniel. that's going to be a problem..." and said verbatim "of all the f1 drivers ever daniel is the worst one to be replacing"

one time in f4 chris couldn't go to a race and billy monger had just had his crash so she flew to the uk for the weekend to support him and when she was driving him back to boarding school she was happy because she had 2 hours to spend with him and she wasn't sure when she'd see him again but instead he slept the whole way through and the moment they got back to school he went "ahhhh... home sweet home" and she wanted to slap him lmfao

first day of primary school when he was 5 years old he said he didn't need her to walk him to school and she was like "well i actually do mate" so he forced her to walk behind him the whole way and the moment they got there he turned to her and went "all right i'm here you can go now" 😭

the chinese & italian & yugoslavian is on chris's side of the family while nicole's is scottish & irish ("that's where the pasty skin comes from")

red flags pod sent her a shirt with oscar's face composed of His Tweet and she showed it to him and he immediately said he wanted it

he gave her a small warning before he posted the tweet but it was just like "mum so this is going to happen just don't worry about it. it's all under control. it'll be fine" and was very calm the whole time

"we just had to trust that his personality would come through at some point, because the way he came across was not at all what he's like. people will work out who the real you is so just continue to do what you do" 🥺

all of the kids were obsessed with Cars (2006)

likes his mum's golden syrup dumplings and grandmother's rumballs

AT THE SINGAPORE GP IN 2023 HATTIE DISAPPEARED FOR HOURS TO GO SEE A K-POP CONCERT 😭😭😭😭 i think it was p1h lmfao (nicole was asked for her favorite group and went "i have no idea. five boys") ((it's txt)) meanwhile oscar is only into house music and she thinks everything he plays is the same song

did pilates when he went home but never with her and thinks it's a lot harder than it looks

takes him minimum 24 hours to respond to anything she sends

she had an exact conversation with oscar where she asked who he wanted to be teammates with and he said "well if i go up against lando i don't even have to get close the first year because everyone knows how good he is" 😭

oscar you are so you 🧡