#but that still doesnt make the pain im feeling right now any better

[terramassakin]

Ugggghhhh...

[phagodyke]

was gonna say smth else but this turned into a vent sorry everyone just ignore. typical weekend post on this blog u know how it is here we go👍

[angels-fantasy]

On my lady days soooo

Bakubaby period comfort?

Comforting You On Your Period

Katsuki Bakugou x Reader

Details: reader has a period, umm just talks avout cramps and stuff

Word Count: 469

IM SO FUCKING PISSED BC I LITERALLY JUST WROTE A WHOLE THING FOR THIS AND THEN IT FUCKING DELETED i dont even wanna write it anymore but im still going to especially bc my sweet dear asked for it 😼 and im also on my period #bloodsisters

you groaned as you lied in a fetal position on your bed, clutching your stomach. cramps were your worst enemy right now, especially since they were making it hard to even move, but that's why you had katsuki.

you heard him walk into the room and place something on the nightstand next to your bed. he sat down next to you on the bed and rubbed your shoulder, "i brought you some ibuprofen and water. sit up so you can take it."

you groaned more, "but it hurts..."

"but if you take it then it won't hurt."

well, he had a good point there.

you cursed him internally and sighed, forcing yourself to sit upright. he handed you a few pills and a glass of water to drink them with.

after you did so, you placed the glass back on your nightstand and went back to lay down but you were stopped by your boyfriend.

"hey if you're gonna lay down you can't fall asleep. you need to eat something with the medication, so i'm gonna go get you something. what do you want?" he asked.

you wanted to be upset at him for not letting you rot away in bed, but he was going to bring you food so it was okay. you told him what you wanted to eat and he nodded, leaning down to give you a kiss on your head which made you smile.

"you're such a sap."

"shut up."

a moment later he came back with the food you requested and you sat up slowly, accepting it from him happily. you pat the spot in bed next to you, "come sit with me, kats. we can watch tv together."

he did as you said and sat next to you, putting on the movie you requested to watch. you'd been watching this movie on repeat for the past week which would annoy him if it was anyone else, but it was you, so it was okay.

while you munched on your food you began to feel better and finally felt some relief from your pain. you leaned against katsuki, "thank you for taking care of me."

"'s no problem." he said, leaning into you too. the two of you embraced each other for a while until you felt your food-coma begin to hit and you slowly laid back down, bringing him with you.

"let's just-" you yawned, "take a nap..." you said, already half asleep. katsuki laughed softly and pulled you into his chest, rubbing your back as you slept.

sometimes he wondered if he was doing an okay job at attending to your needs, especially because he knew he was more of a 'tough love' kind of person. but moments like these helped reassure himself that he was doing a pretty decent job.

authors note

sigh

im still mad that the first version got deleted smh but WHATEVER i just need to go to sleep. if theres any mistakes or stuff that doesnt make sense pls lmk because im literally half asleep right now lolol kay goodnight!

taglist for bakugou fics: @doumadono @shonen-brainrot @b134ch-m4h-ey3z

[lemmetreatya]

babyyyyyy we’re gonna need that fútbol player!onyankapon fic asappp😩😩😩

your wish is my command wifeeeyyyy

content: afab!reader, possesive!ony, smut, missionary, marking, creampie, breeding

footballer!onyankopon always had a focused mindset when it came to his career -- seldom not occupied on his craft -- but when it came to you? things were different.

footballer!onyankopon who fell head over heels in love with you whilst you used to cheer on your brother at the stand during sunday league matches. footballer!onyankopon who'd bashfully tell you pre-game that any goal he scores will be for you and would always give you a half looped smile whenever he did

footballer!onyankopon who proposes 3 years into your relationship once he gets the greenlight that hes gonna go pro, telling you it'd be wrong to go any further without making you his sole cheerleader. you end up getting to know most of his new teammates but because youre just naturally so bubbly, sometimes footballer!onyankopon can get a bit jealous

"cant lie, if you ever fumble her, know im next in line" are the words that act as the limit to footballer!onyankopon's patience. he knows that theres a sharing mentality with most footballers and the girls they sleep with but thats just not who you are. so, you can only imagine your absolute surprise when footballer!onyankopon is a lot more pouty that night than he usually ever is

"baby, dont talk to my teammates ever again" he says with his toothbrush half sticking out his mouth.

you cant help but giggle at him from the bed, eyeing him over your book. especially concerning how quickly he rushed out the bathroom to tell you this.

"what happen now? another article suspecting theres a secret affair going on?"

footballer!onyankopon quickly pops back into the bathroom to spit the toothpaste out of his mouth before answering you from the sink, unseen.

"they want you after youre 'done' with me."

you can hear the slight despondency in his voice which makes you place down the book on your bedside table to sit up in bed.

"you know thats silly, right? like you know i could never actually be 'done' with you. its you or death."

"ay, ay, ay dont talk like that!" footballer!onyankopon comes out the bathroom having rinsed and dried his mouth. he seems slightly offput by your words but it doesnt hide the slight pang of pain that he wears on his face. even though he was coming to lie down next to you, you still open his side of the duvet for him to lie under.

"no but its true. its us or nothing. no ones having me after nobody, its only me and you papa."

footballer!onyankopon snuggles in next to you but can only find himself staring at the ceiling. he does however appreciate the heat of you next to him

"i know. its just...i dont like thinking about it."

"then dont." you say softly. "think instead about how you do have me and how you have me now. in fact i want you to show me how no one else gets to touch me but you."

footballer!onyankopon doesnt have to be told twice or given an excuse to show you that you were his. to have your anklet with his initials on practically kissing your earlobes as he fucks into you possessively. he was so eager to prove that you were his alone that hed forgotten to prep you as he revels in the feeling of your cunt hugging his cock.

its a tight fit but with how your calling out his name and no one elses?! who can blame him if "mine, mine, mine" is all he keeps chanting into your slick mouth

footballer!onyankopon doesnt mind too much when you scratch at his back in a possesive manner. it'll probably sting him during the salt water bath tomorrow but he doesnt care. he'll probably be teased by his teammates about it during the locker rooms but fuck it, even better. right now, with how pliably succumbing you were for him, there was nothing you could do that'd put him off you.

footballer!onyankopon didn't usually but he couldnt help but to empty himself inside of you; his prime showcase of possession. maybe if you were to have a swollen stomach and then a child that looked exactly like him, his teammates will know not to utter such futile words to him

"let them know that no ones ever getting a turn with me" you mumble as you lightly finger the swollen cross hatching across footballer!onyankopon's back the morning after.

footballer!onyankopon slightly hisses at the sensitivity of it but hes warmly chuckling in response. considering hes sat on the edge of the bed, he turns round to bend and lay a kiss to your forehead.

"dont worry. theyll be more than aware." he assures, smile warm

[hiemaldesirae]

Hiii :) it’s me again, the anon who yapped about fanon Vox, I’m here because I need to yap again: I’m kinda worried about season 2

After rewatching season 1, I felt like the stakes weren’t high enough for Charlie & the Hotel. One would think going into battle against Heaven would be devastating and disastrous but the only characters that permanently died were…background characters. I don’t count Sir Pentious because bro is alive and will most likely have a bigger role to play in the story now that he’s in heaven. The hotel was destroyed, yeah, but like minutes later it was rebuilt with the help of Lucifer.

That’s another reason why I feel like the stakes aren’t high enough, they added Lucifer way too soon. How are Vox & other future villains meant to stand a chance against the King of Hell?? I think it would’ve been better if took Charlie a couple of seasons to convince her dad to help her cause.

My main worries for season 2 are about Vox because I can’t stop thinking about him LMFAO. Anyways, I’m scared Vox will be a second Adam, goofy villain that gets killed off pretty quickly and anti-climactically. Vox was already a silly villain in season 1 (sending Pentious to the Hotel as a spy, cheering when Alastor got his ass beat, etc, etc.) so it’ll feel like a waste if they continue writing him that way. I want Vox to be an actual threat and kill one of the main characters PERMANENTLY. Preferably Angel Dust cause it’ll cause a shit ton of discourse since he’s well-loved by both the characters in-universe and the fandom but I don’t think that’ll happen. I just need Vox to lock in 🙏

Don’t get me wrong, I love Hazbin Hotel (only because of Alastor & the Vees but shhh 🤫) but I want the story to evoke emotions from me, I wanna be anxious, I wanna feel hyped, but I don’t feel any of this when things go too perfectly for the main characters and everything goes wrong for the antagonists.

I’m so sorry for the long ass essay, I would make my own post but I don’t wanna be perceived 😭😭

oh i completely understand ur worries nonny dont even worry about the essay

i definitely feel like theres a Risk of that happening to vox especially since . well. vivz doesnt have the best track record to begin with (cannot speak for hb but the way she deals with some characters and resolves their arcs is. questionable) but i personally think (hope? believe?) that since there are members on the writing and animation team who are fans of the vees that she wont just kill vox off for no reason / comic relief(or any of the vees, really) + also of all the vees vox is probably the most likely to die in a dramatic scene considering how he and al are set up to be character foils and killing him off in the stupidest way would be such a horrific storyline fumble i cannot in good conscience believe that vivziepop would even be able to fathom its stupidity. of course im holding out hope still because if theres one thing ive learnt about the internet its that you do not under any circumstances trust any public figures to make the right decisions ever and this applies to animated shows too.

vox killing someone forever would really manage to cement his place in the storyline as a big baddie, but i do have to disagree on wanting angel dead- personally- and as much as it pains me to say this- i think him killing husk or niffty would have the same effect while not interfering with angels healing arc: in fact itd even further angels healing arc and self discovery, alongside giving alastor a reason to perhaps go toe to toe with vox. (i do think that killing angel off would have an interesting result but it feels like an abrupt and unnecessary move to make, tho it may just be ny preference to want to see recovery arcs fulfilled so those characters can live their best lives)

++re what you said ab the hotel not having enough stakes for the next season, i totally agree- bringing in lucifer feels a bit like a cheap copout and didnt really serve to further **charlies** character arc (arguably you could say making up with her father developed her backbone more but. hm. idk you couldve done that in a multitude of other ways sooo)

[juni-ravenhall]

first off thank you for the kind comments on my post. i dont have energy to go there and reply. it sadly also doesnt change anything for me, which is not to say it doesnt matter, i did go back and read those comments maybe 20 times while crying my eyes out during the time i was at the hospital. but feeling loved by friends and strangers doesnt cure me (which i hope is understandable) so all i can say is thank you even if it doesnt make me less suicidal.

im at parents place as of now instead of psych ward, not because i feel any better (on the scale of 0-10 "can i survive this or do i kill myself", ive been at 0.01 every past day since friday, before friday i had been at 0.1 for months, right now maybe im at 0.02) but because i cannot get any help from the psych and it felt meaningless to stay. if its just to get cooked food handed to me, i could equally be at my parents house, despite that i have strained relations with them due to how they abused and traumatised me and my siblings and are still messy today even if more mellowed.

a healthcare worker will visit either tomorrow or monday to check on me and see if they want to push me to come back to being at the hospital. the place i was, was the kind of place where you cant have any strings in your room bc you could kill yourself, so they took my pants and shoes when arriving.

not sure what else to say. at parents house, still suicidal bc life is meaningless but im pushing myself to keep trying as long as i can. ive already been fighting this since 2017 (the first time i became suicidal, a switch flipped during a time of additional abuse on top of the regular abuse and i realised no amount of my endless optimism and effort could change the hell i am in) and im exhausted of trying.

i doubt i will go on sso bc its triggering. if i regain any sort of ability to focus on doing anything, i might start working on my own games again, bc thats a place where its only me and im free from everyone else. however, i have no motivation to do anything, which is why i want to die. i have no motivation to get up in the morning. i have no motivation to eat, i want to spit out food and couldnt swallow. i dont feel happiness in doing things that other people feel. i dont feel happiness interacting with friends - i feel a passive sort of happiness but not the deep, true joy and distraction from the pain that im supposed to feel. therefore its also hard to say i would be able to create things if i feel nothing and apathetic (i already largely felt this since 2017, which is why i havent been making much, but now its even worse).

if anyone read this far and you are interested in me or care about me a lot, feel free to reach out in dms and talk. now is the time. im not saying that because it will change anything for me, its highly unlikely to have any concrete effect on me at all. i say it more for your sake if you have things you wanted to tell me or if you wanted to know me better. this is that time. i cant promise what will happen after this. but if i feel as i feel right now, i will keep trying to log on here and there while i otherwise mostly cry and stare at the ceiling (again, unless i become able to start doing anything more interesting, which i cant tell if i will).

i will also try (no promise but try) to go back to the hospital if i become actively suicidal again as i was friday, bc juni (my inner bigger sister) is a stubborn fool and is trying really hard to keep me alive.

[pacifymebby]

how about headcanons of them comforting you after your family dog/horse/pet dies

Love this idea so much because im a sucker for hurt/comfort <3

Tommy

🌿Makes sure he is the one that breaks the news to you. Does it when youre alone, just the two of you so that no one sees you crying.

🌿Cant say he fully understands your pain when your favourite horse breaks his leg in a race and has to be shot but he finds it touching that you care so innocently for all creatures. And he knows how much you adored that horse.

🌿The only person more upset is Curly so that tells him something about the level of care you have for that horse.

🌿Lets you cry on him, holds you and shushes you and reassures you that it was for the best, the poor boy needed to be put out of his misery, and Tommy did it personally so you can be certain it was done right and properly.

🌿Hes sad too of course, hates it when a good strong animal like that gets hurt. Doesnt like killing horses, feels wrong in his blood but he is strong for your sake and puts on a brave face.

🌿Anticipates the way your temper turns and lets you take all your anger out on him.

🌿"You bastard Tommy you bastard, you should never have let him race, its your fault hes gone now, your fucking fault..."

🌿"Horses need to race angel, its in their blood... Youd be cruel to keep him locked up just because you loved him... He was a good horse and he lived a good life..." "A fucking short life thanks to you," "Aye love, it was short,"

🌿 Allows you to cremate the horse and won't let anyone else tell you you're being silly. Takes you somewhere to build bricks around the ashes, somewhere in the wild so that your horse can run free through the wildlands like he should have been allowed to do in life.

🌿Definitely thinks twice about letting you get so attatched to any other horses he biys for racing.

Alfie

🐻Wonders why the fuck he ever bought you the damn dog. If he'd known your heart would break like this when he died he'd never.

🐻Hes a big softie himself so of course he understands why you're so upset. He's upset!!

🐻 Makes a tear in his shirt sleeve, its a mark of respect not only for the dog but for you because he can see that youre grieving the death of a best friend not just a pet.

🐻 In the same vein he recites the Kaddish for you. The house is dark and he lights a candle. Holds your hand in his whilst he speaks softly and you mark the death together.

🐻 "See my dear ziskeit this is a very sad day and you and me are both heartbroken right but its important we remember... Its important we remember what a lovely little bastard our y/p/n was right... And he was, a lovely little bastard..."

🐻 Sits down in his arm chair and pats his lap for you to come sit in. Rocks you gently whilst you cry, doesn't stop talking to you, even when he realises that maybe you need some quiet just to cry, "Right now probably what we need just now is some quiet, a nice quiet period of reflection probably... Yeah that feels right... Quiet"

🐻 But youre glad he doesnt stop talking, the sound of his voice is soothing and youre grateful to him for staying with you all the whole youre grieving.

🐻 After a little while he shifts you out of his lap and tells you to be a good girl and follow him. He takes you to the bath and fills it with hot water for you then tells you to get in. He hums to you whilst he washes you inbetween telling you all these little stories about your deceased wee pup. He talks to you about all your fond memories and recites them like a little stories until he has you smiling and sometimes even giggling through your tears.

🐻 Makes sure you still eat something that day, makes you tea and sits with you until he's sure you've drunk enough.

🐻 "Its important see little ziskeit that i look after you right now while you're under the weather... Its important you stay looked after so, I'm gonna stay here with you i think... Until i think you're feeling better alright..."

🐻 And he really does, he stays by your side until hes sure youre alright and he can trust you to remember to eat and drink and look after yourself without him. He doesnt go into the office for a week and when Ollie tries to call about business he sends him away.

🐻 "have some respect treacle, don't you know there are more important things in life than peaky fuckin blinders and bread..."

Arthur

🍂 Again, the big sook is almost as upset as you are... But he won't show it. He puts on a front to the family and his friends, tells em he doesn't see whats so bad about it, was just a fuckin animal.

🍂 But he loved that dog just as much as you did so deep down he understands your pain.

🍂And although hes no good with emotions and he doesnt know how to deal with girls crying and all that, even though that sorta shite makes him awkward he really tries for you.

🍂 It doesnt exactly come naturally but it does come easier than he was expecting it to. When you come to him so clearly trying to hold back your tears and be brave he opens his arms for you immediately.

🍂 "come 'ere darlin, come to arthur there we are sweetheart there we go,"

🍂 Hugs you to him and holds you close, swaying with you softly as he strokes your hair and presses a firm lingering kiss to your temple.

🍂 Doesnt bother giving you the speech about death being natural and if anyone tries to dismiss you with a "crying over a dead dog when half the countries still mourning sons..." arthurs going to struggle to hold in his over protective temper.

🍂 "Know its sad sweetheart but you'll feel better eventually, just give it time and you'll be right as rain, promise..." gives you gentle encouragement between kisses.

🍂He loved that little creature too so he is full of fond memories which he reminds you of, gets you sharing stories about the little mut with him until youre much calmer than you were.

🍂 Dries your eyes with his shirt sleeves, holds your face in his palms and gives you reassurance and encouragement.

🍂 "There she is, theres my sweet girl, let me see that brave little smile eh," "good fuckin girl,"

🍂 Waits a little while until your grief has subsided before he brings a new little puppy home... This time he brings home more than one...

John

🌼 John boy loves animals right especially dogs and horses because you can train them and play with them. He can't quite understand how you became so attatched to the house cat you brought for catching rats and mice.

🌼 Hes actually a little surprised by how upset you are when it passes. He should have seen it coming though. He had been off form for a few weeks, letting mice take the piss out of him and run riot around the house. John had even mentioned getting rid of him but you'd told him to do no such bloody thing.

🌼 "You get rid of that cat John Shelby and I swear to god I'll get rid of you!"

🌼 So he hadn't gotten rid of him and it turned out he didn't need to wait very long for the poor thing to pass.

🌼 When he comes home from work to find you sitting at the kitchen table with a tea towel scrunched in your hand, your eyes shut and tear stains on your cheeks, he almost thinks somethings happened to one of the kids.

🌼 But then he realises whats the matter and sighs.

🌼 "He's died has he?" its not exactly a very tactful way of broaching the subject but then this is John isnt it... When you let out a sob he sighs again, walks up behind you and bends to wrap his arms around your shoulders from the back. "Spose you're feeling a bit heartbroken are you petal?" he kisses your head and lets you turn to bury your face in his chest.

🌼 When you really start crying he picks you up and carries you off to the living room to sit with you cuddled up to him on the sofa.

🌼 Can't believe the cheek on you when you tell him to get his shoes off the furniture but hes secretly pleased to hear your sharp panicked tone because it draws you out of your sorrow for a moment.

🌼 "We can get another cat love..." "They wont be the same!" "Aye a know flower i know, but we'll get another anyway..."

🌼 Asks you if the kids know yet and you tell him no, you were hoping their dad could tell them, he smirks and shakes his head, "Shoulda known I'd have to be the one to break their hearts... "

🌼 Sheds a tear of his own and can't believe it... "Bloody hell whatre you like woman, youve got me crying over it now as well!"

🌼 He keeps smiling for you and tries to make little jokes until youre smiling too. He isn't going to let you dwell in your sorrows, hes going to actively try and cheer you up.

🌼 Does his best to distract you from the death, talks to you about other things. Also gets the kids to be involved in cheering you up. "Why don't you make a little play up for mummy, reckon she'd love that eh?"

🌼 Doesnt mind making a fool of himself acting in the kids play with them. Anything to make his flower laugh.

Bonnie

🍀 He knew it was a bad idea letting you tame that little fox but it had kept you distracted when he was making deals with Tommy Shelby and so it had been convenient for him to let you nurture the little thing.

🍀And he had to admit it was sweet to watch it eat out of your hand and brush up to you like a cat. It was a cheeky little thing and Bonnie had taken to it himself too.

🍀 Some of the other lads at the settlement had teased him about it, "your girls gone soft lad.." "Aye soft in the head like..." "It ain't natural... Its a wild animal..." these digs had been pissing Bonnie off, but he hadn't paid them any real bother, "so let her be soft, whsshht the lot of ye... 's good for a woman to be soft sometimes..." he just laughed them off until one of the lads started talking "stupid"

🍀 "You ought to put a bullet in it, before she gets too attatched..." "I'll do nothin of the sort you cruel bastard... And neither will you!" it was a real threat, and it should have struck the fear of god into the lad but boys will be boys and so, one day when Bonnie comes back from the city to find you unconsolable and in tears he knew exactly what had gone down whilst he was away.

🍀 "Hush my little dove, hush now an come here" he sighs wrapping his arms around you, nestling you into the crook of his neck. He burries his nose into your hair, cant hold onto you close enough. "Shhh dove," hes so gentle and sweet to you that youve no idea the anger burning inside him.

🍀 He holds you and hushes you until youre exhausted from crying, it hurts him to see you this way and not be able to do anything to take the pain away. Youre completely devestated and all he can do is sit back with you, shut up safe inside the vardo, leaning back in your bed holding you close to him.

🍀 He plays with your hair and draws little patterns over your back whilst you cry. Doesnt tell you everythings alright because he doesnt see the point in lying to you, youre not alright.

🍀 Sings to you quietly to sooth you. He knows you wont let him go until youre asleep but when youve finally drifted into sleep he rests your head down on the pillow, tucks you beneath your blanket and leaves you quietly with a kiss to the head and a promise to be back soon.

🍀 Now youre safe and soothed hes time to do what he'd been desperate to since he'd realised what had happened. He finds the lad whos stupid actions have caused you so much hurt. When he finds him laughing with his pals about what he'd done, re-eneacting taking aim and shooting, a switch flips in Bonnies head.

🍀 "Fuckin proud of yourself are ye? Like making girls cry eh?" he grabs him by the shirt collar and shunts him up against the trunk of a tree. "reckon its your turn to cry now eh lad?"

🍀 When he gets back to your side he has a bruise or two but the other lads looking much worse. You're crying in your sleep and he slips in beside you wraps his arms around your body and tangles his legs with yous.

🍀 Kisses your shoulders and the back of your neck, hushing you back to sleep as gently as he can.

🍀When the lad had shot the little fox he'd presented it to you like some sort of prize, so you have its body wrapped in an old shirt of yours. The next morning Bonnie wakes you before the sun is up, he wants to take you somewhere to bury it before anyone else can wake up and follow you, or say anything to upset you.

🍀Helps you build it a little marker out of stones and waits with you whilst you say your goodbyes.

🍀 "Sorry Bon, i know its fuckin silly of me crying over a wee fox..." "Hush Dove, I don't think youre silly... Its good to care about these things, I love that you care about these things..."

🍀Is very gentle and kind to you all the time but over the next few days he is extra cautious to be soft and tender with you.

Isaiah

🐀Pretends he isn't bothered by the passing of your pet parot but in truth he is. Hes going to miss that "cheeky fucker" which used to insult him every time he came through the door.

🐀Lets you cry but does tease you about your crying, hes teasing you because he's never had to comfort someone about something like this before and he doesn't really know what to do.

🐀Does daft little impressions of it, telling you in a parot voice "Don't cry little mouse," "Chin up,"

🐀Kisses you, holds your hand, tells you he'll help you bury it if you like.

🐀Secretly takes some feathers from her when youre not looking, gets them framed in a beautiful gold photo frame for you and surprises you with it one day.

🐀Tries to do the same as John and distract you from your sorrow rather than encouraging you to be sad.

🐀Takes you to a man down at the docks who says he's got a fair few pretty birds if you'd like to take a look. Lets you spend all the time in the world looking at them all until you settle on the one you want to keep.

🐀Lets you get a pair of them, regrets it when they both learn insults.

🐀But in the end he doesn't mind if every time he walks through the door they call him "silly fucker" "little bastard" because it makes you laugh and after so long of seeing you sad, he's glad to see you smiling.

🐀Asks Bonnie for some advice on how to talk to girls when theyre crying because he needs to be prepared for next time something upsets you that much.

Michael

☘️Tries to offer you another, doesnt understand why you slap him for that.

☘️ Really lacking in empathy on this one. Actually asks you what youre so upset about.

☘️ So you slap him again and that seems to knock some sense into him.

☘️ He grumbles to Finn and Bonnie about it saying he thinks you've gone bloody nuts, Finn laughs at him in disbelief and Bonnie just shakes his head. "Shes gonna leave you if youre not careful," he warns with a smirk, "Bloody stupid you aren't ye,"

☘️ So after hes had several people call him a fucking idiot he realises hes been a bit of a fool and that he needs to change his ways pretty sharpish.

☘️ Buys you flowers and some pastries and takes them to your house.

☘️ "Know i owe you an apology love," he says as he offers you his open arms for a hug, "seems I've been quite the fool eh,"

☘️ Now he comforts you, he makes you tea and sits and listens to you reminicing about the dog you loved so much. He listens to you intently and actually learns something about love and caring for innocent creatures.

☘️When you cry he kisses your forehead and wipes your tears with his thumbs. Does his best to comfort you but is still quite formal about it. Seems he can't quite shake off his stifd upper lip middle class up bringing.

☘️ Realises how innocent you are and feels guilty, he also feels an urge to protect you from future harm so at first when you express your desire for a new puppy he is hesitant to go along with it. He doesnt want you to get hurt again.

☘️ After yet another conversation with Finn and Bonnie he realises he doesn't have a choice but to "let her have the bloody dog,"

☘️ So he surprises you with a new puppy one day when Bonnie tells him it's definitely been long enough waiting and this time round he tries to care for it and love it it just as much as you do...

☘️ That is impossible though.

[poppyandzena]

Honestly, how dare they use their familiarity with therapy terms to abuse other people. Theyll say it isnt abuse, but they know it is.

To stay anonymous in fear of her going absolutely nuclear on me as well, all Ill say is I have experience and work in the same field as her. If shes going to pull out her "Im a therapist" card to act as if she knows better than all of us, then let it be known someone who works in the same field finds her behavior abhorant and I suspect she KNOWS it. Ive heard her speak, she is extremely smart, and I believe she knows exactly what she has done.

All of her texts to Noeh/Max are fishing for an "I love you" response when she clearly told Poppy no. She told you no Poppy. You know that. You just couldnt handle it.

I understand that abandonment melange can feel incredibly, incredibly painful. I have been in a similar situation as you Poppy. I know it sucks when the person you are unhealthily infatuated with doesnt love you. Your limerance for Noeh was painful as fuck, I know as much. That pain is coming from your own limerance, not Noeh. Your heart was so set on a relationship that never existed no matter how much you tried to force it. I've had issues with limerance myself, I know that it can feel like life or death and can make you want to do anything to just make the relationship fantasy you want a reality.

And you and I BOTH KNOW that STILL DOES NOT give you the right to do all of these awful things youve done. It was your job to work on yourself and step back and give Noeh the space she asked for. It was your job to reregulate yourself. It was your job to use techniques to stop catastrophizing.

So much damage has been done so far, especially to yourself by yourself at this point. Your peers have disassociated with you and you lost your job because of actions such as implying you would kill yourself if Noeh didnt love you in the way you thought you needed. Any therapist knows how manipulative that action is. You know. I know because you tried to mask it behind obfuscating therapy talk. I know you know this.

Even throughout all of this, and even though I condemn your actions, I still have sympathy for you in that it is obvious you are in an incredible amount of pain. If you want to heal you need to do the right thing and face your own limerance issues. Not being employed right now could be a blessing in disguise as it gives you time to step back and really work on yourself. I think if you take a break from this you will look back and see how many of your friends and peers who have disassociated with you were trying to help you by showing you your self destructive behaviors.

Its time to face the music. If it helps, Ive had infatuation with several unavailable people and the pain and negative behaviors only truely started to heal once I looked inward and faced a truth I was afraid of facing. That it was me. Once you do its not as painful as your brain would have you to believe.

A beautiful and insightful response. I always love when professionals put in their two cents here. You can feel the experience and knowledge simply through the prose. I've talked to mental health professionals as well and they were baffled Poppy was allowed to practice for so long. I will say Poppy was extremely lucky in her career based on the company she kept, but even that wasn't enough to prevent her behavior from causing consequences.

I've said this a few times. I wouldn't care if Poppy was a barista, or a janitor, or a marketing exec, or a rocket scientist. Those careers don't give you access to vulnerable individuals whom you are responsible for keeping alive. If you treat your child, your partner, your friends the way Poppy treats hers and you are a therapist? You are an unsafe practitioner. Full stop.

[okkottsus]

I love reading your analysis of Nagireo!

One thing I was wondering, what do you think of Nagi (foreshadowed) future slump?

I feel like things will get dire for him, and I can't help but wonder how Reo would react.

Nagi feels very... emotionally immature and while Reo can be very fiery and we saw how emotional he can get, he's the one that feels more in touch with his own emotions and has better life experience.

For better or worse, being away from Reo forced Nagi to confront his own feelings more.

I wonder if Reo won't realize they got back together too early and leave him (this time maybe more amicably? Or maybe force himself to leave him) for his own sake.

Ego's dialog feels very ominous... they were very happy in that moment but there is a very sense of "now what?".

thank u so much, i feel like i never express myself well enough esp with characters and relationships im passionate abt so that means a lot 🥺

yeah i get what u mean about nagi's emotional immaturity...in the latest match, when isagi asked him how he was able to make his best play yet a reality, nagi  didnt really understand what had happened. he only wanted to beat isagi, that has been his first goal, the first step to achieve the bigger dream he shares with reo. 

and while he himself couldnt see that, reo was the first to notice despite everything that happened between them, so he created a chance for him to have a 1v1 with isagi. 

the problem is that, as isagi points out later, if u dont understand how u made something happen, you probably wont be able to be consistent and replicate it (this has been a recurring theme of blk since the start of the manga):

a goal that u only made happen because u had the person who knows u the best and is your closest friend give you exactly what you need in the moment, has little value in the grand scheme of things. Without a clear goal and reo’s help, nagi wouldnt have been able to do something like that. 

So the next step he should be taking is working on his weapons, instead of relying on the perfect opportunities reo can provide him with.

maybe its time for nagi to try and catch up to reo, and not only in terms of play-making 

but also in terms of self awareness 

i also love the fact that while reo can seem completely selfless when he declares this, he is also completely selfish, cause at the end of the day hes doing this for his dream, for himself. he loves playing with nagi and making him score goals, but his hard work which got him to where he is now doesnt rely on nagi being there, he hasnt abandoned himself in favor of nagi. 

BUT he still seems to always choose nagi over anyone when they are playing together and even though my shipping heart is tempted, i think thats not a good thing at all... cause their cooperation may be top class, but it also makes them predictable after a while. 

reo has learnt to play without nagi, but he needs to learn how play with nagi without forgetting everyone else on his team. 

so the way i see it, reo has made more significant progress than nagi, but he still needs to work on seeing the bigger picture when nagi is by his side.

nagi on the other hand has even more things he needs to work on. he shouldnt feel reassured bc of that one (miracle) goal or bc he managed to beat isagi once. if he ended up satisfied with just that, then he wouldnt belong in the world of professional players

Ego is right when he said that confidence and delusion are 2 different things. Nagi needs the power that will enable him to fight alone in any situation and to obtain that power, he has to confront his feelings, his weapons and his shortcomings. and that demands soul searching, practice and a lot of thinking, all things i bet nagi thinks are a pain pftt.

but i want to be optimistic and think of this as another challenge he (actually, both of them) will have to conquer. im very conflicted though, cause the way i see it, what reo needs to work on now requires them to be on the same team, while what nagi needs to work on requires alone time.

in conclusion, things may have worked out between them in terms of understanding each other, but im hoping they start understanding themselves more; acknowledging their weaknesses and taking the necessary measures to overcome them. 

i do think that reo the way he is now is more likely to realise what needs to be done than nagi, whose issues are the most urgent in my opinion. so i can def see them going their separate ways for a while again, whether its reo making that decision, or nagi, or both of them together (with the latter being the ideal for me).

[qumiiiquinnquin]

im scared to tell my psychiatrist i tried to end myself twice within a month (sep-oct). i dont know why i am. i have to call the office myself since im an adult now, but im really scared making phonecalls. i have to do it because its been since april that ive seen my psychiatrist but i have to do it. i dont know when ill do it, im too scared. that fear frustrates my family a lot. i feel like im already a failure of an adult and will continue to be like that forever.

today was mostly good, just uneventful until this evening. but now im feeling depressed and i want to cry until i cant anymore, but i cant cry, so i just feel bad. i dont feel tired so i dont want to sleep, but its almost midnight so i should soon. im feeling stressed out about needing to call the psychiatrist's office, so i dont feel like i can relax at all.

ive just been feeling bad a lot lately but thats not new, i say think that to myself every other week or so. whats making me sad the most right now is hating my art. i dont have any confidence in my art but i want to get better, but i dont think i ever will. i will always have mediocre talent, no matter how hard i try. i keep thinking about burning my physical art and either deleting my digital art or just even destroying my laptop, though the latter is very excessive, but i still think about it every now and then out of frustration. i want to give up but i really dont know what else id do, ive always drawn since i was very little, its always made me happy. i really want to not care how upset stopping would make people, including myself, but if i dont stop out of just purely giving up, i probably will stop because i k!lled myself.

every day is feeling the same, it even felt that way when classes were still going. i got so used to the schedule that i got used to the systematic cycle. i partially dont want classes to start again because of that, its boring and the amount of work is stressful, im just going to go back to breaking down and nearly attempting from stress and lack of confidence that i can really do this, that i can really power through and get the degree i want. i keep getting told im smart and always work hard, but that really doesnt mean anything now. being and doing those things doesnt suddenly mean that because of those things, ill survive the stress. it only actually makes it worse, like im ridiculous for feeling the pressure and have the mental health collapses that i do because of college, that im not trying hard enough and am lazy.

for some reason the desire for love has been on my mind and i dont know why, youve seen the pathetic longing things i say about romance. right now i feel like i am missing out and am a failure by societal standards for not even have dated in my life, and i still dont have a partner at 18 years old. i feel extremely lonely to the point that seeing other couples makes me depressed, which is probably selfish of me. i feel like and believe now that i will always be alone. i know i am not beautiful to anyone, i know i am not funny, i am not interesting, im a pain in the ass, im too much to deal with and am just unlovable in general. i hate feeling this way, i never cared about romance or relationships and have always been repulsed at the idea of me ever being loved romantically or being in a relationship. i feel stupid. i feel like a jerk. i feel like i deserve to be alone forever, and i really do. or maybe, just end myself, if im so unlovable in every way, then why not just weed myself out? whoever takes my place will be much more worth it than i ever could be. its so stupid thinking about myself d*ing from a broken heart. "just grow up, sad excuse of a grown adult." (in quotes because its a direct thought to myself towards myself, nobody else)

i really doubt everything will get better, ive felt this same exact way for 3 years now. sad, burntout, stressed, like im nothing but a problem for my family, a burden and waste of time to be around or talk to or care about. i did attempt once in 2021 but failed, obviously im still alive. i really want to try again. im really scared of pain, so im trying to find the quickest way or the least painful option. if i just call, i can get different meds or a different dosage and i wont feel this terrible. im so childish for an adult to be unable to make a fucking phonecall. i feel like next year might be it, im not sure why i get that feeling, but i dont have any reason to keep going. im not looking forward to anything. nothing is really that fun or exciting, i just try to distract myself. i know im not wanted, and im too difficult for my family.

its now a half hour after midnight because im incapable of shutting the fuck up. i might just lay down and watch youtube or cry myself to sleep, whichever happens first

[raveneira]

Aight its time to say it

Warning: Anti BoruSara post, dont like dont read.

Aight enough time has passed and now its long overdue to be said so Im gonna be the one to burst the bubble since nobody else is.

Sarada's actions in 78 did not solidify BoruSara because it mirrored the NH moment in the Pain arc, it actually did the OPPOSITE and showed how flimsy the ship actually is and how weak Sarada's feeling for him are.

People love this argument of 'love makes you act irrationally so that proves Sarada's feelings are more real/stronger than Sumire's because she acted reckless like Sakura and Hinata did while Sumire stayed behind and did nothing'

Now at first glace that does seem to be the case, but after the initial shock has worn off and you actually reread the chapter with a much clearer head, you realize how much damage this actually did to both the ship and Sarada's character.

Now what do I mean? to see the problem you just have to answer one simple question, what is the one major difference between the moment with NH and the one with Bsa? the answer is Pay Off.

What do I mean by that? lets compare the two side by side and all will become clear.

Aight I think it should be clear now, notice the difference? yea, the very scene they claim solidified the ship actually weakened it, the very scene they said solidified Sarada's feelings as more 'real' than Sumire because she acted irrationally, actually showed how flimsy her feelings really are compared to Sumire.

It's true that Sumire staying behind could give that impression, but at the same time people get on Hinata's case all the time here for how stupid her actions was and how she actually made the situation WORSE rather than better by jumping into a situation she knew she couldnt win and made Naruto snap so bad that if not for Minato's fail safe it would've been GGs for everybody and Naruto would've died by undoing the seal.

But Im not here to criticize Hinata right now, because all in all her actions were out of love right? thats the point of this post. So Sumire's actions actually make more sense than Hinata's was because she knew she didnt have a chance to begin with so why bother going there? just to get one shotted? what happened to Sarada is a prime example of WHY she was right not to go, because thats what happened.

But ok since yall wanna be hung up on girls inlove for real all acted irrational and ran to their mans rescue which solidified the ship, well this goes back to what I said the biggest and most important difference between all the other girls vs Sarada, and thats PAY OFF.

Still confused by what I mean? well I'll show you cuz it aint just NH, Sarada failed to be like ANY of the girls who acted irrationally and fought for their man, keyword FOUGHT.

The difference is night and day atp, when I say Pay Off I meant PAY OFF, and with BoruSara, unlike everyone else I showed, had zero pay off.

What do I mean by pay off? should be obvious by now but the answer is simple, when everyone else fought for their loves they actually FOUGHT, they didnt always win, but they TRIED there were ATTEMPTS made to protect them no matter HOW badly they got hurt. No matter HOW much stronger the enemy was than them they NEVER faltered when their love was in danger and were willing to fight tooth and nail to defend them as much as they were capable of doing.

THATS the sign of true love in the Naruto verse, not the foolishness yall try to make it as just acting irrational = true love, no, its ACTIONS which is something Sarada did not take.

The arguement of she was scared doesnt apply here, because if your gonna use this argument as proof it solidified Bsa then Im gonna use it to prove why it didnt. EVERYONE was scared in those moments but it didnt stop them, they didnt back down, they fought for their loves REGARDLESS of how scared they were, even knowing that they could die they still jumped in head first and FOUGHT.

I dont care how you try to twist it, turn it, flip it or reverse it, if your gonna use this argument then you gotta use it all the way, dont just talk about the irrationale, talk about the actions, or in Sarada's case lack thereof.

If you need more proof of how bad this looks on Bsa and just how this moment proves how not strong Sarada's feelings for him is, you need look no further than Haku.

I mean nuff said right there, Naruto learned where true strength comes from from Haku, which is that when you have someone whos precious to you, romantic or platonic, thats when you can truly become strong, as strong as you need to be, and this is shown time and time again all throughout Naruto through multiple characters who overcame their fears and fought for who was precious to them, unleashing a whole new strength they didnt know they had. It didnt always have to be some brand new ability, but simply just having the courage to put your life on the line for that dear person was enough to solidify who really mattered.

This is what kills Bsa in that moment, not saying the ship is dead obviously, but that moment killed it in terms of perception and their relationship as a whole. We can keep HEARING how deep their bond in, how close they are, how much they mean to eachother, but if you dont show it and instead show the opposite then people will have a hard time believing their actually as close as we're being told they are.

Just imagine Naruto talking about how much Iruka and Team 7 mean to him but we never see any strong actions that proved it, would you still believe their his closest bonds? if Naruto still says Sasuke is like a brother to him, would you still believe that if they barely showed the two of them bonding and being close like sibling? pretty sure you wouldnt, thats why its important to SHOW DONT TELL, because if all your doing is telling people but not showing them your definitely not gonna convince them that anythings really there like you say it is.

Even her bs MS isnt an example, because for every MS there was emotion and build up and the situation was centered around that character, it was THEIR big moment, a moment that showed just how much the person who triggered it meant to them, which is why yall like to use that as proof as well but even that just goes to show how weak her feelings are in the eyes of the narrative and mangaka himself. Sarada's MS is on the same level as Sasuke's half hearted sorry to Karin, it was short, rushed, moved right past like it wasnt a big deal and just went onto the next thing because her MS wasnt important for her character or the plot or even her feelings for Boruto, no what it was is plot convenience.

Plot convenience to convince Sasuke to save Boruto because he wouldnt have believed her otherwise, he needed to see her MS to convince him that if what shes asking is strong enough to trigger that then she must be telling the truth, thats literally the only purpose her MS served, a half assed way for Boruto to be saved, same way Sasuke's apology was a half assed way to address his betrayal and get right back to the real important stuff aka the war.

Again this goes back to what I said about show dont tell, if you want people to believe her MS was triggered by her strong love for Boruto then you have to show it which they didnt, her MS literally ONLY APPEARS when shes trying to convince Sasuke to save him, it was literally a deus ex machina because her eyes didnt budge an inch before then, it was literally ONLY when convincing Sasuke that her MS triggered, do you get just how bad that is yet? that her MS had nothing to do with her character, her growth, her feelings, her bond with Boruto, but just as a plot convenient way to bail Boruto out and then move on like she didnt just awaken a major power up? do you not see how pathetic that is?

I cant make it any clearer, 78 killed BoruSara's credibility as the most solidified ship, and her MS awakening purely out of plot convenience rather than actual emotion and then moved on from like it was nothing just killed it even more.

3 years have passed now and during a huge invasion with an Jigen level threat she doesnt even activate her MS once, and you want me to believe her MS awakening was a really big deal for her character and their relationship? this just proves it even more that the MS really was just plot convenience for Boruto to be saved, thats it, it had nothing to do with her character or her feelings etc, it was literally just a deus ex machina to keep Boruto alive into the timeskip.

It is INSANE to me how people see either of these scenes as solidification for the ship, all it did was prove how flimsy Sarada's feelings for him are and vice versa but thats a topic for another day, this post is just focused on Sarada.

When Boruto was about to be killed by Kawaki she blew one fireball and then buckled under pressure when it was time to actually square up and needed to be saved instead

When everybody was hunting Boruto down she just fell to her knees and cried, even after hearing him say hes going to kill Boruto she did not try to stop him and just sat there crying, and had Sasuke not shown up, she STILL would've been sitting there crying and Boruto would've been killed

Her MS doesnt awaken behind any emotion surrounding Boruto, but purely as a means to make Sasuke go and save him, yet she takes zero action herself to try and protect him and it literally took Sumire spelling everything out to her for her to even try to convince her dad in the first place, if not for Sumire Sarada was all ready to fall apart again and just sit there and cry until Sumire said they need to find a way to save Boruto but she doesnt know how they can which is when Sarada got the idea to ask her dad for help

Which leads me to my next point, since we established Sarada's feelings werent proven to be real or stronger than Sumire's, how does Sumire fair in comparison? well you can probably already guess but these chapters actually solidified BoruSumi alot despite Sumire not stupidly jumping into a losing fight.

How exactly? well lets start with 78, Sumire is being smart about the situation, she knows she cant help even if she tried, but she also knows reinforcements are on their way to help, so its not as if she left Boruto to fend for himself but she KNEW there were people on their way to go help him, her going there would just be in their way.

Sumire was actually trying to explain the situation to Sarada but she freaked out and Shikamaru gave the bare minimum run down of what happened and then she ran off, in this moment Sumire tries repeatedly to keep Sarada from stupidly running into danger but she doesnt listen. There are 2 reasons for Sumire not acting, 1 she knew she couldnt do anything anyway, and 2 because their supposed to be pretending to be under Ada's charm, so leaving Ada behind to go chase after Boruto would be highly suspicious since remember, their supposed to be charmed by Ada, so Boruto being in danger shouldnt pull them away from Ada if their both 'inlove' with Ada now.

You could argue the mission shouldnt have been more important than her love for Boruto but my response is why shouldnt it be? they NEED Ada to believe their affected because by them being the only 2 who arent means their the only ones who can take her out, blow their cover and Daemon will be on their ass like a hawk. Sumire rather than thinking in the moment, she thought long term, she knew people were on their way to help, and she knew she had to keep playing along to make Ada think she's affected, which would have been suspicious if she ran away with Sarada too leaving Ada behind.

But ok lets say I give you that and agree it wasnt a good look, lets move onto 79-80

Once Ada is GONE Sumire wastes NO time taking action, she immediately puts together what happened and contacts Sarada, SHE'S the one with a clear head with her entire focus on saving Boruto, she's running to meet up with Sarada so they can do something to help him even though she's unsure of what they CAN do, shes still going there to try and think of SOMETHING.

If Sumire never had this convo with Sarada she would have NEVER thought of asking Sasuke for help, it was only thanks to Sumire's explanation and level head that made Sarada act, not through any mental strength or determination of her own, but because of Sumire snapping her out of it.

As much as I hate this for Sarada's character making her this stupid and emotional, it was great characterization for Sumire that really showed her strong feelings for Boruto. She held herself back in order to play along with Ada, but as soon as that was no longer in her way she immediately took action, her mind was clear despite the chaos and she was determined to figure out a way to save Boruto with Sarada even though she had no idea how they could, she was still running over there to try.

So if you wanna be technical then thats closer to all the other moments of people fighting for their loved ones, none of them really knew how they would succeed or if they even could but they were willing to try anyway, and had Sarada not have thought of convincing Sasuke to go save him there's no doubt in my mind that Sumire would've looked for and found and protected Boruto, or atleast try.

But that falls into theory territory since we'll never know for sure how'd that play out cuz things didnt go that way, but you can just look at how the scene played out and see she was determined and planning to help Boruto in any way she could while Sarada was just on the ground falling apart doing nothing to try and help him.

Which goes right back to what I said, when its time for Sarada to act and prove her feelings, romantic or platonic or otherwise, she buckles under pressure, this is something even her own mother and father were able to overcome for their precious bonds, Sarada literally just sat there in despair despite knowing her childhood friend was in danger.

Sumire who's not even shown to be a fighter in the manga [yet] still got moving and kept her head on straight enough to analyze the situation and act accordingly, but Sarada the active ninja whos been through equally stressful situations before now and kept her head on straight now cant? yea, I think its obvious whose feelings are being pushed as genuine and more along what Haku described and whos isnt.

I really need to say no more, I already know antis gonna hate me for this if they read it but hey the truths the truth, when a girl or anyone for that matter in the Narutoverse is truly inlove they always take ACTION no matter what when that love is in danger, Sarada did not, case closed.

PS: All you Sumire/BoruSumi antis really need to thank Sumire, because if not for her your ship would've died, literally, because Sarada was really gonna let him die by not doing anything to help, so yall need to be grateful, she gave yall your 'moment'.

[alstroemerian-dragon]

man. thinking about how the survivors all desperately need new hobbies

like. okay. sonia’s a great example. off the top of your head what are her hobbies? probably learning about and researching true crime and the occult, and watching j-dramas/anime, right? but if you really think about it, her fascination with japanese culture very much feels like her just desperately wanting to fit in and massively overcompensating. so while i do think she probably enjoys those shows, theyre definitely not as popular in her kingdom as she claims (not that im saying she’s lying on purpose, just that. well, when you feel embarrassed about someones reaction to you liking something, sometimes you’ll try to make an excuse for why you do yknow), and plus, its not like they have access to a lot of entertainment media for a while post program. as for the occult/true crime stuff…

look me in the eye and tell me junko did not use that against her. do you really think junko enoshima would not see a girl obsessed with the study of serial killers and not try and warp that into a fascination with her?

i think that stuff leaves a bad taste in her mouth now. and after committing and being complicit in the committing of the kind of crimes she used to be fascinated by, its kind of hard to find the joy in that anymore, yknow? the occult stuff could maybe still be enjoyable, but with how often it feels like there are ghosts lurking around every fucking corner and her dreams are filled with screaming corpses its kinda hard to be fanciful about that stuff.

so. girl needs some new hobbies.

its not much better for the others, either. akanes hobbies were basically working out, doing parkour, eating, and sleeping. the first two are downright impossible for the first several months after waking up, and for the foreseeable future any kind of physical activity is going to be, to an extent, difficult just due to how much chronic pain and weakness she’ll probably suffer the rest of her life. she can get to a healthier weight and a stronger muscular build, but its not going to change the fact that she gets out of breath and sore much faster than before. as for eating… well. thats gonna be a sore subject for a while. so all she has left is sleeping, and sleeping all day is, as ive been told by many people, kind of a depression symptom? and theres no way the others would sit back and let her do that.

girl needs some new hobbies!

kazuichi, from what we can tell, had a few more normal hobbies. in game you can find him gaming with chiaki, and he seems to enjoy coming up with schemes and plans for silly stuff, but overall he just loves his tinkering. he may be the ultimate mechanic but first and foremost he just loves fucking with machines and engines and finding out what makes them tick. but even that isnt gonna work anymore. sure, he could game. if they had any fucking consoles. or a working computer network. or any games. but none of that is happening for a while, if ever. as for his tinkering, it’s gotta be a similarly sore subject to sonia’s training and tutoring as a princess. its too closely linked to what he did as a despair, too closely linked to his talent, to not make him feel like screaming when he smells machine polish. i think he definitely could get back to a point where it genuinely brings him joy again, and before that he definitely forces himself to use his talent and knowledge because they need it, but. its a complicated problem.

the guy needs some new fucking hobbies.

and of course… fuyuhiko.

fuyuhiko… doesnt have any hobbies.

like okay can you think of a single thing from the game (or fuck even the anime) that implies that he has anything he actually does For Fun. he has a sweet tooth. hes dedicated to his clan. he went to the zoo with peko one time. he got in fights at school. thats… those arent hobbies. fuyuhiko doesnt have any hobbies!!! someone get this boy some fucking knitting needles or a book to read!!!! please!!!!!!!!!! i think it would genuinely help him a lot to have something to do instead of just sitting and stewing in his own trash fire of a brain speaking from experience. learn to sew, read some fantasy novels, learn to play the guitar, something. im begging you.

and hajime is his own fucking can of worms.

he probably had hobbies before the Horrors. right? he probably played some video games, maybe liked martial arts films, maybe sketched in the margins of his notebooks. rode his bike sometimes. but now? nothing keeps his interest that long. everything becomes monotonous after a while, and sure, sometimes thats the draw. with stuff like fiber crafts the point is sometimes making it muscle memory so you have something to do with your hands. but other times its not. and his ability to basically excel in most things you put in front of him has to be so fucking boring after a while. a lot of the point of having hobbies is that you arent perfect. the draw is learning, is getting better. even reading can become nothing when any nonfiction book has knowledge in it you already know and any fiction book you can intuit the ending from the first few pages. he probably reads Lightning Fast now too, so it cant hold his interest for long.

he probably has to constantly be switching hobbies and outlets. cant stay on one thing too long, or the ennui starts to set in. that sounds miserable.

someone get these kids some hobbies, man

[felixxthefrog]

sometimes, im not sure if healing is the right word.

when im talking to my friends or myself, i refer to what im doing as "healing from my religious trauma". i sometimes like to think of it as tending to my wounds, wounds inflicted upon me by my church, by myself, by my family. washing them, patting them dry, applying a salve to them every day. slow and painful, but eventually they'll close and fade to a scar. and maybe one day, those scars will fade to nothingness.

as i go on, however, i find myself doubting that imagery. i am starting to feel that that in itself is rooted in my upbringing under christianity. the idea that eventually you will be healed, better, pure, saved, by god, by father, by creator, by the ultimate love and power. is it that simple? that clean? that kind?

am i healing? i dont feel like im healing. i dont feel like i'll ever heal. i feel like im tearing barbed arrows from my skin. when i find another, i poke around, see if there's any other way i can do this. i search, desperate, hoping it wont be painful this time. but it always is. it always has to be, doesnt it? that's the point of religion. to make sure that leaving it is more painful than staying in it.

when i come to terms with the fact that i will have to pull the arrows out, i cant help but maybe mourn a little bit. sometimes i think my skin is a tree, because i look at the arrow that's been there a decade or more, and my skin has stared to grow around it. the arrow looks half engulfed, not just embedded, but it seems to be becoming a part of my body.

i cant help but fear pulling it out. searing pain, tearing skin, muscles ripped, tendons snapping, fiery poison pulsing through veins. i'll grind my teeth to dust and twist my face in a knot and hold my breath to stop from screaming. through it all, i still must stop myself from begging for attention. ripping it out sounds appealing, but i know i cant. i shouldnt.

i must be gentle - in the past, i have gone to pull an arrow from my skin and i have broken the shaft. the wood splintered in my hands and i threw it to the ground, trying to move on to another arrow because i cant be bothered with nonsense like this, splintered arrows and flint heads still stuck under my skin.

later when i went back to the arrow with the shattered shaft, i saw that it had dug in deeper. around the wound were two dozen splinters and matching open wounds, red and inflamed, tender and painful, infected, growing. worsening. the original arrowhead had been engulfed by my skin and now i must cut my skin open and peel it back, poking and prodding with forceps to try and free it from its new home within my body. as i gaze at my skin, i am reminded of my anatomy class. the rat i pinned to the mat and flayed, inspecting every part of it to learn how it functioned. at least i am experienced.

the wound is still infected. i have removed the arrow head, but those splinters, theyre slippery. i look around and see half a dozen more broken, splintered arrows; a dozen more arrows untouched; a hundred tiny splinters scattered around my body, embedded in my skin. they are numerous and countless and neverending.

i am out of the warzone now, i am no longer getting bombarded with arrows, i am no longer actively dying, i am no longer beaten and bruised and damn-near lifeless on the battlefield in the hold righteous name of the almighty, i am no longer a sacrifice, but i AM sacrificed. i was. i always was. i was a lamb raised to be blemishless, taking pride in the neatness in my coat, ignoring the blood that had stained it from birth and that would stain my own hands at death.

i was never blameless. i was never blemishless. i was raised for a merciful slaughter and instead became a soldier, unwilling, unknowing, thinking this was what sheep were made for. his staff around my neck did not keep me back from the cliff, it bruised and strangled me so i could not jump over the fence. it seemed so peaceful there. the war was not raging on the other side.

but the war followed me. the wounds never left. it's not healing, is it? not really. even if my wounds heal, i will forver be deformed and broken, debilitated, unworthy. what is worthy? was i worthy of war? am i worthy of peace? healing? how will i ever get these arrows out? the splinters? will the scars ever fade?

[cactusringed]

hi! its t! i hope you dont mind me spamming your inbox abt this, i dont have any other scardubs shippers who i can talk to. you can let me know if you do! :]

youre so right about bdubs not being cruel and calculating enough

just imagine bdubs not quite understanding the weight of scar offering him his life. to scar, it feels like lilacs and poppies and can we still be friends. to bdubs the offer feels like no kill passes, clocks covered in blood, and scar's fire aspect sword burning through his back. salt on top of a ready existing wound

bdubs furious in a way nothing but scars blood on his hands could ever describe or soothe. but he can't do it yet. all he can do is snap at scar about, 'just you wait until im red,' and tell him that hed really appreciate it if scar went and jumped off a cliff or stood on a cactus.

but it all just rolls off scars back like water with a laugh and a joke. it makes bdubs see red, but hes not red. theres nothing he can do to get it through to scar that hes serious

i dont know if its better or worse if scar knows hes serious or not

maybe scar is completely clueless. sure, the ribbing is angrier than he remembers, but the routine of teasing and joking around an anger that doesn't really mean anything is familiar enough. and its not like the world theyre on hasnt made everyone darker, scar's done things to people hes not proud of too

but maybe scar knows. hes not an idiot. its a right there in your face answer that someone hates you when they keep threatening to kill you when they can and asking you to just go die already.

maybe scar thinks he can fix it. even after he makes himself useful to bdubs, dedicates himself and this life of his to bdubs, it doesn't make him any less angry. and i think scar knows that it doesnt, but just cant accept that he cant fix it. cant accept that he hurt bdubs, someone he cares about, so greatly that bdubs hates him and wants to hurt him. wants to kill him. is going to kill him, and no amount of making himself useful is going to change that

either way, whether he sees it coming or refuses to, i think when bdubs does turn red and kills him it hurts the exact same. it stings with betrayal and grief and, worse, the knowledge he deserves it. that he's the villain in bdubs book. that the only redemption hes getting is through death

i cant decide what route from here i like better

1) bdubs feels completely satisfied. the bloodlust in his veins is gone. none of it matters to him anymore... but it still matters to scar.

scar being terrified that even dying couldn't fix things, only to find out that his death fixed things and feeling worse. he pledged his life to bdubs (it feels like im sorry im sorry im sorry) and that means nothing to him.

scar means nothing to him anymore.

scar thinks hed prefer if bdubs hated him still. at least him pledging his life means something then, at least his death means something then, at least this whole situation means more than scar pulling one stupid prank

2) bdubs is still angry

scar thinks it's fixed now, with his death, but hes wrong. bdubs is red, and he wouldnt be if scar hadn't taken his green life

when scar comes back to bdubs smiling and asking if its all even now, bdubs sees red. scar thinking this is all something transactional, an eye for an eye, a debt he can pay off, pisses him off

scar treated bdubs' death like a joke. then his own like a joke. and bdubs decides hes going to make sure scar isnt laughing by the time hes done with him

3) bdubs feels horrified

seeing scar getting torn apart by the zombies was what he wanted. and for a long moment he feels euphoric.

until he realises scar isnt yelling or screaming or anything. just quiet pained grunts and heavy breaths

until he realises that scar doesnt even bother trying to fight back

until he realises the heavy breaths are sobs, and the look on his face is betrayal not pain

he realises just a moment too late and scar is dead. bdubs doesn't even have time to say he's sorry, let alone try and help. all at once scar pledging his life to bdubs feels like when grian attacked the two of them in third life screaming betrayer, his voice so heartwrenching bdubs felt bad for him even on red

scar pledging his life feels different

it feels like an apology, utter devotion to making things right with someone you care for, trust and love built on a pillar of death.

and bdubs doesnt know if he can fix it

Hiii don't worry I love talking to people I just hope u don't mind how slow I can be replying to asks ^_^ hehehuhu my ask box or dms are always open either way xoxo

See your idea of Scar third lifing in and pledging his life to bdubs is to tasty when, well, you take third life into consideration. Scar who knows what it's like to die to a prank but who was quick to forgive in exchange for complete and utter devotion. Scar who believes he can offer the same, and receive the same forgiveness he once gave Grian.

Only to realise he isn't trusted. It's a transaction. The same as a no kill pass. Meaningless unless given value by the person receiving it. And bdubs giving it no value, not believing in Scar anymore, not after he was burned one too many times.

For Scar to think he can fix it with what anyone else would call a 'deal' is an insult, after all the lies and frauds and betrayals - and bdubs, who should be familiar with in-the-moment, hot blooded betrayals for one's own safety - has none of it.

I think he would regret it and feel not only pity but horror, after killing Scar. He'd think of killing Tango in last life, and Skizz in limited life. How even in his rage Skizz offered a fair battle to settle scores. How he didn't afford the same kindness to Scar, whom one could argue pushed Bdubs (and Impulse!) into the zombie horde as a means to self preservation, with the same sort of red hot fear that a boogeyman might have. But whom one could also argue did it out of a bout of sadism and cruelty instead.

It's that uncertainty that hurts, and makes it difficult, in the end, to know if his anger was warranted. It's that uncertainty that makes it difficult to feel true satisfaction as he's torn apart just like he was.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

tw- family problems, parental issues,fighting, relationship problems (i think)

seeking- advice, vent

(sorry for any typos) also, can this be tagged as flower anon tyy:)

my whole life my dad has treated my mom terribly i didn’t realize it wasnt normal when i was little, as i’ve gotten older i’ve been realizing how terrible he treats everyone around him especially my mom. my eyes have recently been opening to his true character and i wont go into detail but i feel so guilty that im resenting him cause he can be so nice sometimes but even that is following by something negative. but i dont wanna make this about that cause its about how he treats my mom.

when i was younger they would fight all the time and even still hes always the one to start it. all he does is complain about everything yet does nothing about whatever it is he’s complaining about. he has my mom do his laundry, make his dinner, fold his clothes, make his bed, all of it. by the way my mom has her own job which shes in a lot of pain at the end of the day cause of it and she has to come home to his bs. if she doesnt have his dinner done he freaks out and guilt trips by saying how hes gonna go to bed without eating, when they eat out almost every night so he can easily order food himself or go pick it up. even if he wants her to make home-cooked food for dinner if shes at work, literally doing her job he’ll complain about it and make her feel bad.

he makes her pay rent even tho her hours have got cut so she doesnt make as much any more and he can absolutely afford the whole rent himself. he has literally gone to her job and yelled at her before and now she doesnt want to get another job cause she knows hes gonna go to the boss there and tell him what time she can and cant work.

he polices everything she does if she gets a package he pesters her about whats in it, she leaves the house he pesters her about that. just today she was literally at his parents house (something he never does) and got mad at her for being gone??? its unbelievable. this is all only the icing on the cake. i remember one time me and my mom were going to get something to eat and he yelled at her before we left and when we were in the car she said to me “when you marry, marry someone who will let you be yourself” and it just broke my heart:( she deserves so much better and i just dont know how to help. i want to get a job to help her with money but i have severe social anxiety and also no school or work credits to do so but hopefully once i get my GED ill be able to do something with that. but im no sure what to do. i want to help her so bad but i have no idea how. theres so much more to all of this but im not sure how to tw it 100% correctly so i dont want to say too much, but if there’s any advice you have for this situation it would be really appreciated 🥲 thank you so much for your time!

Hi anon,

It's understandable why you feel guilty for resenting your dad even though sometimes he can be sweet or well-mannered. But it's important to honor why you feel resentment and not necessarily let your dad's good behavior make you feel like you can't be upset about how he has behaved in the past. Sometimes people intentionally behave well to minimize the impact of their bad behavior and make others feel like they have no right to complain. But it's also possible that good behavior is a sign of learning from past mistakes, but even still, it's natural and okay to feel complex emotions about that shift.

It sounds like your dad puts full responsibility on your mom, both productive and reproductive labor, to the point that he acts as if he is completely dependent on your mom fulfilling unreasonable expectations. It makes sense why your mom seems to be constantly driven to a breaking point - because she is carrying the entire weight of the relationship, and more.

It sounds like the best thing for your mom is to get away from your dad, but of course it's not simple or easy. I don't know where she is located but she could potentially consider looking into nearby domestic violence shelters as they can offer a safe place to stay while she comes up with a plan to live independently.

If anyone has any other comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[subbybunnyboo]

i feel like this is something i can’t post in my channel with friends, but i need to vent

well, if i had made this post two or even one month ago i would have written ‘i fucked up’ as i said i hoped i wouldn’t in my “goodbye post”

but times go by and you start realizing that you were fucking abused and i’m not talking about physical/sexual harm and i havent been degraded (i mean only when i wanted to if you remember thematics of my blog). STRAIGHTLY. now i know what gaslight is first-hand.

i dont want to tell the full story here, just imagine situation when you have to overthink and rethink your every phrase several times before saying it with your partner. or feeling such a miserable person you have to visit therapists and stopping yourself from jumping under the train from thinking that you are a burden. i mean, yes, many people (sadly) experience this, BUT IMAGINE it all disappears right after you break up.

you feel like absolute shit and cry all the time, but when ‘should i kill myself?’-thought crosses your mind it doesnt stay even for a second. like, nah, i dont want to. i dont need to work on this, i just dont think that way

we broke up two months ago and i still feel broken. i tried to meet new people and they do like me and in two days they may treat me better than my ex in 5 months… but i just cant feel anything. they can be hell of a gentleman, get me flowers and coffee, shower me with kind words and we can have a great funny convo about lots of our common interests. but i come home and remember our first ‘date’ and cry. and i dont even cry like CRY, i just try to fall asleep while tears are going down my face. and we talk, meet again. but i feel nothing like i used to.

and i just saw a reels (99% of my feed actually) with a biker, but it was a special one for an unknown reason. i felt summer air. and felt how i want short nights, ‘white’ nights of petersburg, green, motorcycles on streets. and i miss..maybe what pops up in my mind a lot.. when it was “well i wanted to meet with you and i still do, so if you want it too…” “i do” “then what?” “finish your uni task, i’m ordering you a taxi” after he fell asleep when we were supposed to meet and not “what time should i come over?” *no respond* “i wont” “okay” and then blaming me in making scenes and saying “instead of this we could have a talk in discord, or you could be here and play with my dog or we could watch something, but no, you preferred making drama” when i did not make any. well, instead of acting like a jerk for whom i dont exist as well as my feelings, YOU could invite me for real, show me that you wanted me there or offer talking in disco.

no, i was guilty for everything. when this person was guilty - it was my fault. every single time

its just such a person. i dont know if all he has done was on purpose or not. i am not sure if i want to know. but he is probably too smart not to know what exactly he was doing

there is no single day i dont think about him and in my mind i just cant let him go. all that feeling like he is one of a kind. and connection. unhealthy, but connection

there is no abuse without good moments. and such moments make you think maybe if you did something slightly different… if you swallowed such treatment that time… understood him better this time…. but then you open your chat and read how he treats you like literal SHIT and it just hits you hard like a truck

i am deeply hurt. i am a person you should not meet and fall in love with right now. right now i can cause only pain, but im not a sick sadist, i dont enjoy it. but i understood i need to give myself time to heal. not to try meeting new people that would replace him. and for sure not to try to get him back. however, i dont know jf i will follow these words. hopefully.

and when i get free from this, i will meet my dream motorcyclist husband-material. maybe gym rat. maybe scott pilgrim type of nerd. hopefully somebody… kinder. more empathetic. and mature for relationship.

peace