#but that quote brought me so much joy that guy who quoted it is hilarious whoever he is

[oyabun-draws]

deep apologies for jumping into your inbox based on a tag you left on my post but the history teacher in my needs to say: the every woman's man and every man's woman thing is from the writings of the Roman historian Suetonius, and he claimed it was something said about Caesar. So it's something that is recorded as having been said, but if it actually was, or if there wan any truth behind it, is a massive tossup because Suetonius is not a source to take at face value, and accusations of sexual passivity were also often used as political slander regardless of if they were true or not. So if Suetonius was telling the truth about it being something that was said, we can't know if the claim itself had any truth behind it. But there could be! We just don't know and have to make sure to be careful because of how ancient histories work and because of how political accusations worked.

So uh, sorry for kicking down your door here dfghjk, but it is indeed real so to speak, is my point. Hopefully this brings some form of enjoyment

thank you so much for leaving this in my inbox! actually it's funny because right after I reblogged the post and tagged it with "is this real" I went and asked my friend about it. ( who is planning on doing something in the history field) and she also confirmed it for me! and she told me some other stuff about Julius Cesar as well and the historical context. I went from knowing nothing about him to knowing a lot of details in one night haha thank you!!

[sergeanthopeless]

female Byleth S-supports ranked best to worst

(keeping my personal feelings about the pairings themselves to a minimum)

(Gilbert and Alois omitted, since those are platonic S-supports)

(warning: long post)

1. Seteth 

This S-support is about as romantic as it can get. This thing just makes my heart flutter every. dang. time. and it’s easily the best S-support in the whole game for female Byleth. There’s a REASON why a lot of people hop aboard the Setleth train after witnessing this masterpiece.

Sure, Seteth lectures his way in and out of the proposal, but let’s be real, if it was any different it would be out of character, and acting the responsible advisor is just part of his charm. Plus, he pledges utter devotion to Byleth for the rest of his existence, and we essentially get wedding vows out of this one. It doesn’t get better than that!

He’s so self-assured during this S-support, and that’s sexy. But he is patient and affectionate with her, and takes the time to make sure there’s no room for confusion. He clarifies that his feelings are not those of duty (which is a problem with some other S-supports), or an interest in perpetuating a Nabatean or Crest-rich bloodline. It’s very clear that he just wants her, and that’s it. But where others put Byleth on a pedestal, this S-support feels like an exchange between equals.

Byleth’s reaction to this one is particularly noteworthy — there’s an unusual amount of emotional expression from Byleth during this S-support, INCLUDING A FRIGGIN BLUSH! Byleth does NOT blush often during these supports. Plus, Byleth asks Seteth to promise that he’ll follow wherever she goes. Unlike some of the other S-supports, it’s very clear that she’s invested in him and wants him.

Favorite quotes:

“I cannot conceive of a world without you in it.”

“I love you, deeply. Will you marry me?”

“From this day forward, I will always be at your side. Through good or ill fortune. Through the greatest of joys and the worst of woes. No matter how daunting the task, I will be there.”

“Courage, my love. Let us go forth and face the world - together.”

2. Hubert 

I was genuinely caught off-guard with Hubert, especially since I haven’t played Crimson Flower yet and have gotten all of my impressions of Hubert from the fandom. A pleasant surprise, though, and pleasant enough to snag the #2 best S-support!

He starts with advisor nagging, which is no surprise since that’s his character. However, he doesn’t take too long to get to the point of the conversation, and everything is straightforward yet sweet. It’s very cute how he flustered he gets in the beginning, and his self-consciousness about his suitability as a husband is really sweet. But what really clinched this for me was the privilege of seeing a BLUSHY HUBERT! This surprisingly lovable psychopath gets so dang worked up and excited over Byleth giving him a ring and proposing to him right back.

Favorite quotes:

“[I’d] rather you be with me rather than some dubious individual.” (Yes, I altered the quote, but let’s be real, he wasn’t talking about Edelgard there.)

“I once thought killing you would be a great challenge, but the real difficulty was declaring my love.”

3. Ignatz 

This S-support starts with an angry Ignatz, which had me worried. Ignatz is one of those characters where I expected his apparent youthfulness to cause a problem in his S-support (it definitely causes problems in other S-supports), even though he’s actually 17 at the start of game like Felix, Dimitri, Claude, Raphael, Ferdinand, and Edelgard. So I was pleasantly surprised by the sheer maturity of his proposal!

While he’s definitely self-conscious and doesn’t even expect Byleth to accept his proposal, it says a lot that Ignatz still had the guts to do the proposing. While he expresses surpassing admiration toward Byleth as someone who supported him through troubled times, he’s not dependent or subservient. Yes, there is a prominent fixation on Byleth’s beauty, but he’s an artist, so I think that adds more meaning to what would otherwise be an extremely shallow point to make during an S-support.

Favorite quotes:

“You are my goddess.”

 “You soothed my troubled soul.”

“My beloved goddess.”

“I want to love you for all eternity.”

“I love you with all my soul.”

Hoo boy, this boy’s got a serious SILVER TONGUE on him! *fans self*

4. Lorenz 

Regardless of how you feel about Lorenz, you’ve gotta admit this is a pretty flawless proposal. He reminisces about and apologizes for the trouble he used to cause as a youth, has a smooth transition into the presentation of the ring, and then his composure falls apart when Byleth reveals she’s been wise to him all along. He’s such a perfectionist, and his determination to propose perfectly is very consistent with his character. But I also appreciate that he made sure of Byleth’s feelings before actually asking her to marry him (ring presentation aside).

This S-support makes it very clear just how much Lorenz admires Byleth, which I feel is extremely important in context of his character. He can be incredibly self-centered to the point of being downright irritating, so the fact that he’s now talking about her and is focused entirely on her shows the sincerity of his feelings and how much Lorenz has grown as a person.

The bit at the end where he gets overexcited and uses his full name is hilarious, but I’m glad the S-support doesn’t end there, which would have taken away from it. Instead, it ends with Lorenz swearing to make Byleth happy and work with her in making the world a better place. Equal partners!

The last thing that really made this S-support for me was the voice acting. The broken voice, trembling, and stammering really added emotional depth to Lorenz’s character in this critical moment, and really brought everything to the next level in terms of overall impact.

Favorite quote: “Pedigree and status are no longer priorities for me. I now know that what matters most is the worth of an individual’s soul.”

5. Felix

The moment I noticed that this S-support was taking place at the training grounds, I knew it was going to be good. And it goes exactly as you would expect with our favorite tsundere, flustered and deflecting and all, but the sheer effort that he ends up putting into it is so endearing. And I adore how Byleth messes with him the whole time.

It starts rough, let’s be real. He just hands the ring to Byleth and tells her to “take this.” Oh, Felix. This poor boy is so. friggin. hopeless. You can practically hear his thought process leading up to this point. “How do I make sure Byleth never leaves?... Ah, marriage — yes, that’ll lock her in!” *facepalm*

But Felix’s body language is what really makes this S-support, starting with the finger point and then ending with the kabedon. Plus, we get a glimpse of something very rare: blushy Felix!

Favorite quotes:

“Fight me for the rest of my life.”

“I want you to be my wife. Please say yes. Let’s get married and stay together until we die. I love you.”

6. Balthus

I really didn’t know what to expect with this one, although to be honest, what expectations I did have were fairly low. Yet despite his faults, Balthus managed to scrape together a rather charming S-support! His nervousness and stuttering is adorable for such a big, tough-talking guy, and I love that we actually get an impatient “Just say it already,” from Byleth.

It was nice to see Byleth’s good influence on Balthus, although I’m not a fan of the woman-redeems-man trope. And considering that Balthus asks for up to 5 years to get his act together…that wasn’t exactly a point in his favor.

What made this S-support for me was all of the classic lines. Balthus isn’t necessarily a smooth talker, but it would be wrong to say that he doesn’t know how to talk to a woman. The proposal itself had me ROLLING: “Marry me, pal!” The voice acting was flawless, particularly when he said, “my love.” Balthus, I’ll say this on Byleth’s behalf: please stop trying so hard. And never say that again.

Favorite quotes:

“It’s time to take the biggest gamble of my life.”

“Comfort be damned! I need you by my side. Always.”

“Let’s get hitched right away! I know a guy.”

“To look after you...and be brave enough to let you look after me. that’s what marriage is all about, right?”

S-support portraits shouldn’t really matter here, but I’m going out on a limb here and saying that Balthus’ portrait is the best one of all Byleth’s S-supports.

7. Dorothea

I have a lot of Dorothea feels, okay? She’s my baby girl. And by this point in the game, she’s so jaded and used to disappointment that it just breaks my heart. So when Byleth proposes to her, you can hear the genuine emotion in her voice. She’s so in love with Byleth, but clearly talked herself out of it long before this moment. “You won the war. You could pick anyone in the world. Why would you…?”

And then she’s so happy. It’s not fancy, but her pure happiness really makes this for me. The hopeless romantic finally getting her happy ending is just really lovely.

Favorite quote: “I starred in so many operas where I captured the heart of my beloved. But I never dreamed that it would feel this wonderful when it actually happened.”

8. Ferdinand

Oh boy, Ferdie. There wasn’t much of a preamble, and the presentation of the ring wasn’t anything special. He’s still full of himself: “You hear noble Ferdinand von Aegir declare his love for you, and all you say is, ‘I understand’?” and this S-support is more focused on him than it is on Byleth, which is exactly the opposite of what happened with Lorenz’s S-support, even though they’re similar characters.

That being said, this S-support has its moments. We get a good reaction out of him (even though it’s over the top), and we get a sign of his personal growth when he reins himself in. The trembling and feeling faint is very cute (10/10), and considering his ambitious nature, him saying that he considers winning Byleth’s heart to be one of his greatest accomplishments is sweet, as is the way he dreams about their future.

In other words, this one starts rough, but ends sweet.

Favorite quote: “I need you as much as I need my next breath — more, even.”

9. Dedue

Can we just appreciate that Dedue chose to leave Dimitri for Byleth? That is so meaningful. Dedue spends the entire game unhealthily attached to Dimitri, and finally he finds something that he chooses for himself. Of course, there is the concern that he will become unhealthily attached to Byleth, but I don’t get that impression from his S-support.

There are so many wonderful little details in this S-support. The tiny, modest ring. The straightforward proposal. Both of them gazing at each other in loving, comfortable silence afterward. Byleth’s blush. And DEDUE’S LAUGH. Just. the laugh. It’s important.

Finally, Dedue invites Byleth to come with him to visit Duscur. TAKE NOTES, CLAUDE!! Anyway…

10. Edelgard

*takes a deep breath and sets aside my feelings about Edelgard’s stance on the Children of the Goddess*

Alright, so this S-support is significant because it’s one of the few where you can tell that there is genuine affection on Byleth’s end. She really takes charge of the proposal, going so far as to use Edelgard’s nickname, “El,” to convey affection and intimacy.

At first I was concerned when I heard Edelgard say, “This ring…thank you, my dearest friend,” and I was like HOLD UP – did Byleth just get friendzoned?? But Edelgard clarifies by expressing that she has romantic feelings too, which saves the scene. But while sweet, the rest of the S-support focuses on Edelgard’s ambitions and generally lacks romance. Fitting for her character? Yes. A satisfying S-support? Not really.

11. Dimitri 

It’s clear from the beginning of this S-support that Dimitri and Byleth have become close friends. I appreciate the way they talk about their wounds, and although talking about Dimitri’s nightmares is far darker than I expected from an S-support, it shows just how much Dimitri has improved.

What disappointed me about this S-support is the lack of emotion on both sides. Sure, the “my beloved” pet name is wonderful. And sure, Byleth isn’t very emotional as a rule. But Byleth shows more emotional in other S-supports. And there is not nearly enough of a reaction on Dimitri’s side. Come on, dude. You’ve been aggressively simping over Byleth since Day 1, and you’re just taking this proposal in stride?? You should be unconscious right now.

12. Mercedes

I’m so proud of how far Mercedes has come at this point. She’s determined to live in a way that makes her happy, outside of her Crest or anyone else’s expectations. That being said, a lot of this S-support feels more like it could have been an A+ support.

Major points to Mercedes to being the one to do the proposing. A lot of people mistake her kind nature for being demure, which is not the case. She is bold, speaks her mind, and knows what she wants. And in this case, that’s Byleth. Her proposal is gentle and respectful, if a bit bland, and her reaction to Byleth’s acceptance is absolutely adorable. She’s so happy yet insecure, and I wish there was more communication from Byleth to reassure her.

13. Hanneman

Hanneman is an academic through and through, and his nature as a scholar comes through strongly in his S-support. He tries to approach things pragmatically, almost ruins things by talking about Byleth’s role in his research, but fortunately realizes that’s the wrong way to do it and takes a new approach with more feeling. It’s very similar to Linhardt’s S-support, but less self-centered and overall better. Hanneman treats Byleth as an equal, and shows enthusiasm in his own way.

Overall, this is an extremely pragmatic S-support, but it’s not without its charms. That being said, it definitely requires an interpretation of Byleth’s character where she has developed a taste for academia.

Favorite quotes:

“I suppose there’s no reason to hold ourselves back any longer.”

“I don’t want the power of your Crest - I want you.”

“I can’t wait to see the results of this undertaking.”

14. Yuri

This S-support is very consistent with Yuri’s character. The scene opens with Yuri trying to repay his “debt” to Byleth, which definitely lacks in romantic vibes, but works in context. It’s nice to see Yuri nervous and out of composure, but I admit I had been expecting…more…from him with how charming he’s supposed to be. Then again, like Sylvain, maybe the fact that he’s dropped the façade is supposed to make it meaningful. At least he blushes! Blushy Yuri is something I didn’t know I needed. The bit at the end where he whispers his true name in her ear is very nice, too.

But yikes…Yuri talks about his death. And considering that in most of the routes, Byleth ends up being most likely essentially immortal, this hits HARD. She is definitely facing the death of her lover in a few decades at most, and that is not something she wants to think about during a proposal.

Favorite quote: “In return for this ring, I ask for you.”

15. Raphael 

Raphael is a pretty clueless, non-romantic kind of guy. But the sudden proposal is very cute. Considering how awful he is at expressing himself, it works really well with his character to simply have him jump right in and get it over with.

That being said, I couldn’t help but feel that his reasoning for getting married was just a little loose. He always wants to be with Byleth and expresses that he wants to serve as her knight. Uh, you realize you can do that without marrying her right, bud? Byleth didn’t seem to be very into this proposal either, although she does have a wonderful little smile in the S-support portrait, which makes up for that. I love how the portrait emphasizes Raph’s size and strength by having him lift her up bridal style. It’s an actually flattering portrayal of him, too.

Favorite quote: “And…I’ll love you. Forever and ever. And ever!”

16. Sylvain 

Ah yes, Sylvain. Our favorite train wreck. The good news is that he’s finally taking charge of his life, and I like that he’s straightforward in this S-support rather than flirtatious, which means that you know he’s being sincere. It’s cute to see him genuinely happy, and his statement that “I’m going to spend the rest of our lives together trying to make you happy,” is very good.

However, the “If you told me you never wanted me to look at another woman, I’d go blind for you” is going too far. I know it addresses his skirt-chasing character, but I just don’t know if they could have a healthy relationship. I know this is rating the support scene, not the ship itself, but I don’t think that’s a positive indicator for the future.

17. Claude 

This S-support gives me so many bad vibes. Yes, he expresses his love for Byleth as well as his utmost confidence in her, but dude, actions matter more than words, and your actions speak VOLUMES. He’s the only one to just run off at the end of the S-support, and while I understand his reasoning — I really do — it’s clear that his own agenda and ambitions will always come before Byleth.

This is what I heard: “Right now, Fodlan is like a newborn... so that’s why I’m leaving, so you have to do all the hard stuff yourself. See ya, sucker!!” Ah yes. Prime husband and father material there. Obviously.

“I’m sorry that I won’t be by your side at such an important event...” Uh huh, yeah right. You’re obviously itching to get out of there.

I’m sorry, Claude stans, but giving Byleth an engagement ring and then running away for who knows how long is LAME.

18. Jeritza

The first thing that struck me about this S-support is the fact that it takes place in the Agarthan HQ, Shambhala. This is super meaningful because it means that Byleth and Jeritza go there together to use their killing prowess to take out Those Who Slither in the Dark post-Crimson Flower. It’s a nice way to tie up the route. The portrait is super dynamic and unique, too. That being said…

He’s still fixated on killing Byleth. If that’s your thing, then hey, I can’t judge. At least we all know that if he hasn’t killed her by now, it’s never going to happen. It’s such an empty threat it’s probably an inside joke by now. But Jeritza’s clearly still figuring out his feelings, which means I’m not sure it really counts as an S-support (it would have made a better A+ support imho). There are also things about this pairing and S-support that have some serious implications for who Byleth has become by this point and what the future is likely to look like. Good storytelling, yes, but as an S-support…not my favorite.

Favorite quotes:

“It is you alone who can slay the demon inside me.”

“To the very depths of hell, I will tumble down with you.”

19. Linhardt

This S-support falls flat for me. It’s like Hanneman’s, but worse because it’s super self-centered. I feel like it’s a really bad summary of Linhardt’s character because so much more could have been done with it. Linhardt has lots of good traits, and this S-support ignores all of them. Instead, we have a one-dimensional S-support that focuses on Linhardt’s laziness and penchant for napping. He’s so self-centered and consumed by his own interests, so saying that he wants to study Byleth for the rest of his life makes her more like an accessory to his life plans rather than a central component. At least when Hanneman says he wants to study Byleth, he makes it very clear that he loves her and wants her as a person.

And the line where he says "I didn’t honestly think you’d reject me” is just…wow. Much disappoint. If I were Byleth I would turn him down on the spot just for saying that.

20. Ashe 

Ashe’s S-support comes off to me like he’s pledging himself to her as a vassal more than actually proposing. Yes, he does take initiative and does the proposing, which is consistent with the fact that Ashe is a gutsy little guy. But he’s so stuck on being helpful that the S-support ends up feeling immature. Plus, Byleth doesn’t seem very enthusiastic about the proposal compared to other S-supports, and overall Ashe’s worship of Byleth comes off as more dependent than romantic.

21. Caspar

We’ve reached the bottom four S-supports, starting with this disaster. Caspar is juvenile, reckless, and oblivious. (Don’t get me wrong — I adore his character and see him like a little brother.) Byleth has to take charge of the proposal, which is not a problem in itself, but then Caspar confesses that he hasn’t even thought about marrying Byleth — or anyone at all! asaslkjasdflk FAIL

At least the victory shout is kind of cute…if painfully cheesy.

And they get worse from here…

22. Rhea

I don’t have a lot to say here. I know I said that I would keep my personal feelings about the pairings themselves out of this, but I feel like there are certain things about this particular pairing that need to be addressed along with this S support.

Age gap aside (because frankly with immortals, age doesn’t really matter anymore), Rhea CREATED Byleth’s mother, essentially making herself Byleth’s grandmother. Incest vibes, yo. Plus, she fully intended to sacrifice Byleth’s life in order to bring back Sothis — which, granted, is a sentiment that wears off, and Jeritza is just as bad in terms of original intent to kill Byleth. This makes any kind of romantic revelation on Rhea’s side just…weird.

There are some good quotes in this S-support, and we get a ton of reveals about Rhea’s character development in a short amount of time. She’s self-conscious of her other form as a dragon, she acknowledges the wrongs she did in the past, and she expresses a desire to repent. She acknowledges the pivotal role that Byleth has played through her choices and accomplishments, rather than attributing them to fate and the “flow of time.” But honestly this would be more appropriate as a final scene at the end of the game, not a romantic S-support.

23. Cyril

Oh boy. Where do I start with this one? It’s so bad...

This boy is BABY. 19 years old after the war? Sure. Attractive design? Yes. But still, he. is. BABY. And the S-support portrait makes it so much worse by making him look freaking TEN.

And he’s so, so oblivious. Even worse than Caspar. He barely has a personality as a character outside of being committed to the servant mentality, and he has had no opportunity to discover himself as a freaking person outside of his obsession with Rhea. It should be illegal to even consider this kid for S-support. One thing would be if it was platonic, like Alois or Gilbert, but Byleth gives him the ring, and that means it’s supposed to be romantic.

Plus, Cyril says that he loves Byleth, but it’s super casual and comes off more like familial or friendship love rather than romantic love. Unless I missed something, I don’t think Byleth ever says that she loves Cyril in their S-support. And the end is just the worst: “Love ya, see ya in the morning.” That’s IT???? There is absolutely no indication of a mature relationship, and that’s just scary and gross.

I just…really hate this S-support. There’s only one S-support that’s worse…

24. Sothis

Forget everything that I said about keeping my feelings about particular pairings out of this ranking. This is a TRULY CURSED S-SUPPORT.

I don’t care that Sothis is technically a goddess whose age is beyond counting or mortal comprehension. All that matters is she looks like a child. She is lolibait. And to top it all off, she doesn’t even have physical form (thank goodness) — she’s just an apparition in Byleth’s head!

And this quote? “I love you deeply! Overwhelmingly! passionately! Ours is a love without an end!” I only have two words: PEAK CRINGE.

It would be one thing if Sothis came back in her adult form. Or better yet, if she had always been in her adult form as portrayed in the fresco in the reception hall. You can do something with that. But that’s not the case, Sothis is portrayed as a pre-pubescent child in both appearance and personality, and that’s just pedophilia vibes, y’all. I can’t believe this is a sincere S-support option.

[heyimtavia]

THE POST FINALE HENRY DANGER OPINIONS TAG:

Hey party people! Sorry I’ve been a bit out of the loop. Due to what’s going on in the world, adulting sorta got in the way and I have to DVR the final episode. No one tagged me, but I just wanted to add my two cents since this is officially the end and this is a really cute tag.

1. Who was your overall favorite member of Team Danger and why?

Charlotte hands down. She was brilliant, sassy and just a great friend to Henry no matter what. She’s one of the main reasons why I decided to tune into the show. I saw a lot of myself in her. I was once that little smart black girl that no one listened too. But it’s okay though, but that GLOW UP is real! I know from experience lol.

2. Who was your favorite non-team danger character and why?

Y'all know I love Fran the security guard. She should’ve gotten more air time. I just think she’s hilarious! I’d loved to see her try to wrestle a dolphin any day!

3. Who was your favorite villain and why?

Dr. Minyak & Nurse Cohort. I just gotta respect his hustle. Other than Rex and Rick Twitler, I feel like he’s the only everyday villain who always came close to defeating Captain Man & Kid Danger. He always had unique plans; from capturing and brain-altering Charlotte to taking Piper and the man fan hostage, he was always creative. Plus I love his little temper tantrums he sometimes throws. 

4. What were your top five favorite Henry Danger episodes of all time and why?

1) All time Fav would go to The Great Cactus Con. From the dopeyness of how everyone can do a backflip instead of Ray. How Charlotte gets to show off her fashion design skills. How Piper unofficially works with Team Danger. Plus I love the cute romantic bit between Jasper and Patina. 2) Rumblr- That whole episode was just comedy gold for me. They should’ve brought Kyle back for the finale and had him show up at kid danger’s funeral  3) I dream of Danger - Its Char’s episode. I like how it alluded to Charlotte’s dream might come true but it doesn’t. However, I don’t like how they just moved on like the episode never happened even when Jasper thinks that char likes him. 4) Flabber Gassed- I love that char got to show off her fighting skills and how happy Jasper was to be a superhero. 5) Holey Moley- I straight up die for laughter every time I see that episode. I love how Henry kept saying, “oh look, a downside.” I feel like that episode would have been a sketch on All That or the Amanda Show. It just felt like good ole Nickelodeon comedy.

5. What were your top five least favorite Henry Danger episodes of all time and why?

1) Henry’s Birthday- Call me a diva, but if anyone treated me like that on my birthday, the party is OVER! 2) Captain Makini (I think that's what it’s called). Sorry, I'm not really a fan of Frankie Grande and though he was great for the musical, I really don’t think he needed a second episode. 3) Meet Cute Crush- I’m sorry, anything involving Piper is just physical and emotionally draining. All that girl does is yell. Thank u, next. 4) Sick & Wired- Because I got sick and tired of Ray’s shenanigans. 5) JAM Session- Now Piper isn’t my favorite character, but how that girl was manipulated all over a bet was just stupid and disrespectful.

6. What was your favorite running gag and why?

1) Fran’s line, “There’s only one in the whole world, and we got it!” Swellview must be a fun, mysterious place that always gets amazing things lol. 2) When everyone says “Click” before hanging up their phone. I find it funny because I’m pretty sure the kids had never owned a flip phone in their lives.

7. What was your favorite one-off throw away gag and why?

When shwoz referenced his song from the musical when he said, “Science, science, science, I’ve said this already.” I think he said this in Theranos boot. And also the grammar fights and how grammar rules don’t apply to Charlotte lol.

8. What episode, which character and which duo made you laugh the most?

I think Holey Moley & Rumblr both made me laugh the most. Those were great episodes. Jasper would have to be the funniest. That boy says the darndest things lol. Hensper. Because of how Henry loved Jasper’s mustache and wanted to get one too. And when Jasper and Henry were both “Dude. Bro. Dude. Bro. DUDE!” Over the Patina situation and Charlotte had to break them up.

9. What episode, which character and which duo made you the most emotional?

I think it was Second episode of the finale episodes, when Henry was freaking out at the end because he was alone and Rex had sent Ray A Million and one years into the past. The fact that he literally had to think like all of his friends because obviously that’s what he was used to, everyone being there to help figure out a plan and keep swellview safe. And the fact that for that moment he was kid danger and all alone was really scary for him.

10. How would you rank each season from 1 to 5, one being the best and five being the worst?

I would rank season 5 as 1. It overall had great episodes and delved into different genres and fun tv and movie tropes. It made it a joy to watch, though some episodes leading towards the end didn’t quite catch me. Season 4 would be like a high 4 but not exactly a 5. Season 3 was sorta Meh to me. So maybe a #.�� Season 2 would be a 4 and season 1 would be like a 4 because it was a the beginning to a great show and was still working out the kinks a bit.

11. Who was your favorite duo in the show (romantic or non-romantic)?

Chenry 100%. The friendship that those two have is great! Now I must say, I hate that Nick was still posting about them on their youtube page for clout knowing that it wasn’t gonna happen. I felt like they did that just so people would watch the final episodes. I was gonna watch regardless, but really Nick? Really?

12. What was your favorite Henry and Ray moment/episode?

The bro song! Plus I love that it kept getting referenced after the musical as well.

13. What was your favorite Chenry moment/episode?

 When Char was controlling  Henry in flabber gassed, she made him jump up and down while clapping! I love that even shwoz joined in too lol. And when Henry was concerned about her after she ate bad meat from the auto snacker.

14. What was your favorite Hensper moment/episode?

The mustache scene from Grand Theft Otto, “dude if I had one, I’d be Man Danger!”

15. What was your favorite Chensper moment/episode?

This also kinda includes Ray but when they were all stealing Joss Ross’s gift from her birthday party and they were just casually leaving. And how Jasper kept saying, “It’s not stealing if it’s from a criminal.” Plus I like the episode when Hen and Char have to pretend to date just to see if Jasper would keep their secret. The boy poured a whole bowl of pees down his shirt lmaoooo!!

16. If you could go back and change one element of the show, what would it be?

 Have Ray grow up and stop fawning over Henry’s mom. It was just plain creepy! Oh and put some respect on my girl Charlotte’s name.

17. If you could say one thing to each main character in the pilot, what would it be?

Life isn’t always about one day getting a statue, (I’m looking at YOU Captain Man). Crime-fighting is fun and being a sidekick could literally every kid’s dream. But don’t forget to be a kid. Hangout with your friends, go to school, go on dates. Do the whole growing up thing. But at the end of the day, you have to do what’s best for you.

18. If you could say one thing to each main character in the finale, what would it be?

Thank you for sharing your lives with me and I am so so sooo proud of you all! 

19. Were you satisfied with the finale? What part was your favorite and what part was your least favorite?

 Honestly, I think it was okay for what it was. My fav part was when Jasper literally had to carry Char out of the mancave because she refused to leave Henry behind. I love that they decided to stick together. They did leave a lot of storylines open. I thought Joss Moss would be revealed as the real Mob boss. I thought Rick Twitler would regain his memory. Where the heck is Gooch? Caitlin? Chenry (for obvious reasons). I'm just spitballing here. Was it good? Yes. could it have been better? Hell yes.

20. What would your ideal Henry danger spin off look like?

 Charlotte and Henry have powers and Jasper can fight! Dystopia. That was the spin-off that I wanted! I don’t really care about the new kids as much. They’re college-aged too? Just imagine the shenanigans they would get into! But we need to kick the Charlotte hating writer off the staff though. Can The CW pick this show up?

21. Where do you personally see the characters 10 years from now? What are they doing, who are they with, where are they in their lives - what do you think happened to them? Most importantly, are they happy?

 I honestly haven’t thought about it. But I believe no matter what they do or where they may end up, they will be happy. They’ll probably always be a team.

22. What was your favorite part of the show and why did it initially draw you in?

It became an escape from my normal adult life. (I’m saying like I’m old. I’m only 23.) I randomly flipped it on one day, I can't remember what episode it was, but from then on, I was hooked. I used to watch it a while back, but I fell off, but at that moment on time, it was easy for me to fall right back into it.

23. What was your favourite part of the fandom and why did it initially draw you in?

The friends I’ve made, the people have met! They are the best out of all the fandoms I’m a part of. I’ve been on tumblr for years and never had I have a group of people be so nice, supportive and just incorporate me into things. I love you guys so much!

24. Describe your overall emotions/feelings regarding the show being over and the show in general, looking back on it as a whole, with one quote from the show.

It’s a bittersweet feeling. I hate to see it go. But all good things must come to an end. But I guess there’s nothing better to say than, “Feels Good.”

25. If you were able to add one scene in the finale, what would you add?

 I don’t know honestly. Maybe we could have seen him reunite with his friends and family. Especially Charlotte and Jasper, Afterall, they probably thought that their best friend was dead for all they knew.

26. Favorite outfit/hair style?

 Charlotte’s Date outfit with Jack Swagger. Sis was rockin that romper. Also when Jasper and Charlotte were helper bunnies! Those outfits were hilarious and cute.

27.Least favorite character?

I'm sorry but Piper. She was worse than the whole annoying little sister trope. I swear all ash did was yell through most of the seasons and then they gave this chick a driver’s license, I mean what?? Plus i think her reaction to finding out Henry was kid danger was better in Broken Armed and Dangerous, than in twisted sister. 

28. What is question you would like to ask the writers/ producers?

Im tagging @adorkable-blackgirl @chenoahchantel

[crazy-talk]

As promised, here’s a little large compilation sort of thing of little moments and memories from SBFP that you folks have submitted. I really appreciate everything that you’ve all submitted, it’s pretty clear that SBFP helped and entertained a whole lot of people - in equal amounts.

Here’s some SBFP moments:

Grand Wizard Wakka

The Shitstorm VII Woolie haunting plan

“What a mysterious game.”

MY HOUSE

“Wait, what’s my objectives?” “You don’t haaave any objectives!”

Qui Gon Chi

“Whah happuh?” “das whah happuh!”

“No, shut up though.”

The Baby

“Shut the fuck up about Face/Off!”

“Bleetzboll...”

The Sadness Trilogy

“KIDS LOVE THE FOCKIN’ DEVIL!”

Pat thinking he’s dying because he sat on a chocolate bar

Kenpachi Ramasama

Shit-kids

“Whut deh fuhk? Is he using duh bät room?”

Mr. Shakedown/Kenny/Quint/Eric Sparrow

TAR-KUS! TAR-KUS! TAR-KUS!

“Love is just chemicals.”

Pat eating candy alone in a closet

Matt throwing the fire axe

“Oh no, I make’da bad game!”

“Hey, is that the script?”

“JAAASON!”

“It’s fine.”

The RE2 valve noise

“Yeyeyeye!”

Woolie’s atomic purple Gameboy

“Eyy, what’s goin’ on, man? You ready to play?”

And some SBFP memories. Some of these may be a bit emotionally heavy so feel free to skip this part:

the sbfp lp of yakuza 0 got me and my best friend into the yakuza series. we watched it together and we still laugh about matt falling to pieces over "never-before-seen results" - Anon

the best friends have had such an influence on my speech patterns that i've infected people who've never watched them before. half of my friend group says super big [x] and porked up now - Anon

SBFP introduced me to so many games that ended up becoming personal favorites of mine, like Deadly Premonition and the Silent Hill series. Their videos became a way for me to spend time with some of my own best friends as well! -  captainofthestars

theres one particular moment that will always resonate with me - in their devil may cry lets play, i cant remember if it was 1 or 3, they talk about someone in the comments who mentioned that they had to beat devil may cry with items due to having a physical disability of some kind, i cant remember which. they talked about how it was awesome that he managed to even beat the game like that, and, personally, as someone who struggles with motorskills issues this made me very happy, as a devil may cry fan. theres a lot of other great moments from the tbfp, both funny and genuine that made me happy, but this one in particular stuck with me a lot. -  krillfingers

I'll never stop making "pull out king" jokes thanks to sbfp - venerabledreadnought

I remember the first Shitstorm that made me actually have to get up and sit in a brightly lit room with other people in it, Anatomy. It's become a Halloween tradition to watch it every year since, though watching a whole bunch of Shitstorm also became one. As someone who started watching at their second machinma ep, it's not a lie to say that they made up the entirety of my teenage years. I will miss the channel dearly, but I look forward to the future. -  duke-nitro

My friends and I have been watching The Zaibatsu for so long that we have accidentally adopted a bunch of their phrases like going “yeahyeahyeahyeahyeah” or saying someone “go down.” Also, despite us not knowing each other when we became fans, we all somehow began with their Man vs Wild let’s play and I even made friends with one of them because I quoted something from it at work. Favorite moment probably has to be the entire Omikron playthrough, I can’t pick a single moment. It was a beautiful trainwreck start to finish and I still put on the playlist from time to time while I’m doing other things. I swear I could gently fall asleep to the sounds of Pat screaming about the shooter segments. shogun-ceanataur

Persona 4 and Kenpachi Ramasama were my favourite. I found the name itself hilarious, but how they kept on referring to him as the full name in different little bits and tones never failed to make me laugh. That “See you later, fuckers!” part from when you see Yosuke was also hilarious. I’m not sure if that video is the oeigin, but it’s why I’ve integrated that phrase into my everyday life. Goddamn what a fun, memorable episode. - whatthehellisthisevenfor

tbfp got me through being homeless in my car twice. every time that I wanted to give up, to just stop trying, i'd turn on whatever new video they had out and it brightened up my life. my mom, who was with me, came to love them to, she used to wait to hear them to relax. i have so many memories of that time, and i don't fully relax or even eat on long days until I've turned their videos on. my favorite quote is still "mistakes into miracles". its a rly motivating quote imo. -  c0l0c4k3s

I always loved the Silent Hill 2 LP. I never played it when it came out - all I knew was that it was a horror game, and I hated horror at the time. But when the LP came around, I knew a bit more about the game and I was intrigued. Seeing the game, meeting the characters, hearing Pat disect the story and themes for Matt, I loved it all. I was fascinated, and still am. I will still watch the LP every few months, and I call SH2 one of my favorite games, even though I still haven’t played it.Thanks, SBFP, for all the great moments and the great memories. I wish you all well. - iamthewanderingbard

The best friends are what got me so invested in the Dark souls games, and what motivated me to get through DS2. Even if I say 'You see what i mean' unironically a lot, and go 'You. Did it.' -  awkwardmuses

I got into Super Best Friends from a post on the Twin Perfect forum, that linked to the Silent Hill Downpour lp, and never looked back. Their let's plays brought me so much joy back when I wasn't in the best living or health situation, and continue to do so. My favourite let's plays have to be Eternal Darkness and the Shitstorms; I always go back to those when depression hits, or for any reasons. I'll miss them together, but I'll always have those delicious delicious memories. -  mrjaffesxeldritchtwin

The Best Friends Play are the reason I end so many sentences with "though". I first found them when a friend recommended the Best Sisters Play MLP animations, and I've loved them ever since. I know it's used as a joke, but I really believe they've earned the title of HYPEST GAMEPLAY ON YOUTUBE. I love all of their David Cage playthroughs, and I adore how many plot-points they guess during Beyond: Two Souls. I love how, when they play a game they really love, they show so much knowledge and care. -  mads-in-zero

It was incredibly amusing and oddly touching that the Zaibatsu created this hate circle of David Cage and his godawful games. Even before Detroit’s release, the best friends AND the fanbase were ready to hate it because as a collective, we just latched onto that one thing to hate/make fun of. And we go all out on it together like some fucked up family, and I love it. -  missinghmmingbird

I can’t help but shrug off every minor inconvenience and major issue in my life with “it’s fine” thanks to Gun Jumper Liam. Thanks to Matt and Woolie supporting Skullgirls like no one else on the internet, I really got into it and fighting games as a whole. I’m not good at them, but oh boy do I love them.And if it wasn’t for Pat, I don’t think I’d ever have touched a Yakuza or Persona game.These guys affected my life more than any other individual or group on the internet ever really has. -  dklordg

The first Best Friends video I ever watched was Portal 2. That short LP had me in stitches. I'd never laughed so hard. I've been a huge fan since then. These guys where the ones that introduced me to LPs and made me realize that you can have fun watching other people bumble through games. TheSw1tcher has been one of my favorite channels on YouTube since I began watching. It gave me something to look forward to. I got through high school, and essentially grew up, watching these videos. There are so many catchphrases and memes I will never forget and will always make me smile. I absolutely say stuff like “whah happun?” and “shit-kids” all the time. The Deadly Premonition and Detroit: Become Human playthroughs are wonderful gems in my eyes. It’s amazing how a group of guys can get so many people to collectively love and bash certain games. We’re all on the same page, having a blast like a huge group of friends at a slumber party. Matt, Pat, Woolie, Liam, Billy, and everyone who involved themselves with the Super Best Friends are the absolute best. They gave me a chance to relax and laugh along with some familiar voices. Although it's sad they are going their separate ways, I totally respect that fact. They have my love and support. I wish them nothing but success and happiness moving forward. I'll be watching! And a note to my fellow fans: This has been a wild ride. I'm glad I got to enjoy it with you. You are all fantastic people. -  fablesamongus

[mxliv-oftheendless]

Ruining KISStory: The False King of Persia, Pt. 1

Oh my, what could this be? Why, it’s another Ruining KISStory installment! I am officially back home for the rest of the semester, so I decided, what the hell, and finished this up for y’all! This has to be the most hilarious episode, and it’s also my absolute favorite, so prepare thyselves! Part 2 will be posted shortly! Hope you enjoooooy!!!

Tag list: @cosmicrealmofkissteria @ashestoashesvvi @kategwidt @retronova

[camera opens on Paul, who is sitting at a panel. A map of the world is hung up behind him. The sound of tuning violins plays in the background]

PAUL: Welcome to Ruining History! Today we’re gonna talk about the ascension of Darius the Great.

[camera pans out to the full panel. From left to right: Vinnie, Gene, Paul, Bruce, Ace]

BRUCE: Darius?

PAUL: Darius.

BRUCE: That’s a kinda modern name. I know like five Dariuses.

PAUL: Well, maybe they were inspired by this guy.

BRUCE: [shrugs] All of ‘em are pretty average. [panel laughs]

[intro and title card]

[cuts back to panel]

PAUL: You guys know anything about Darius?

BRUCE: He’s a bass player.

PAUL: [laughs slightly] Heh, no, I mean Darius the Great.

ACE: He’s a bassist and he owes me 40 bucks. [Bruce laughs]

PAUL: He was a Persian king; he was known for uniting the Persian Empire. He’s actually thought to be the greatest Persian king. Also, I should say now: this story is not really about Darius much at all, so much as the weird chain of events that led to him becoming king.

GENE: [seriously] Is Al Capone a part of this story at all?

PAUL: [snorts] Pfft, no, Gene. This is in ancient Persia. There are a lot of characters in this one, so I decided to make models as little visual aids. [reaches under the table and takes out a small figurine labeled CYRUS THE GREAT] Now we’re gonna start with this guy, named Cyrus.

ACE: Oh, that’s a kid on Andi Mack!... Not that I watch.

[screen cuts away to a title card:

CHAPTER I:

A DEAD GUY AND HIS TWO WEIRD SONS

screen then cuts to animations as Paul narrates, while traditional Middle Eastern music plays]

PAUL [voiceover]: First, there was Cyrus the Great, founder of the Achaemenian Empire, which was sort of in this region here, in Turkey, the Middle East, and spilling into Asia. Kind of a big deal. Darius just so happened to be a distant relative of Cyrus, but the king didn’t seem to care for him. As legend tells, he had a dream about the twenty-year-old Darius, in which Darius had, quote, “wings on his shoulders, the one wing overshadowing Asia and the other Europe.” Cyrus interpreted this as a sign that Darius was plotting against him.

ACE: Pretty sure every ex-girlfriend I’ve had…

BRUCE: [nods] Yeah…

ACE: … has gotten pissed at me for doin’ something bad in a dream.

GENE: [nods] I remember that happened with Shannon once.

VINNIE: Is this the time where she banished you to the couch? [Ace laughs]

GENE: [frowns] No, that was something else.

BRUCE: Can I just say, both Cyrus and Darius look like they belong in that one Lloyd-Webber musical.

PAUL: Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat?

BRUCE: Yeah, that one.

PAUL [voiceover]: But it wouldn’t really matter what Darius thought, because he was caught up in a conflict with Tomyris, the queen of the Massagetae. And after she slayed him in battle, what she did is, according to some accounts, cut his head off, then dunked it into a skin of blood like a gory Oreo, stating, “I make good my threat, and give you your fill of blood.” So… that’s it for Cyrus.

ACE: Damn!

BRUCE: What’s a skin full of blood?

PAUL: It’s like a wineskin, but with blood.

GENE and VINNIE: Ohhh.

PAUL: [picks up the Cyrus figurine] So that’s— [pulls off Cyrus’s head] —the end for Cyrus.

ACE: Oof, it came right off!

PAUL [voiceover]: Now Cyrus had two sons, Cambyses and Smerdis. Cambyses was described as, quote, “an ardent, impetuous, and self-willed boy, such as the sons of rich and powerful men are apt to become.” And Smerdis was described as… I dunno. His brother.

ACE: [bursts out laughing, as does Vinnie]

PAUL: [takes out figurines labeled CAMBYSES AND SMERDIS] So we got this guy, [holds up Cambyses] Cambyses, who’s got sort of a superior look. And Smerdis, [holds up Smerdis] who’s just sorta chill.

ACE: Me Smerdis! [panel laughs] Kinda got a Charlie Brown sorta tunic on.

PAUL: Yeah, he does. [moves Cambyses and Smerdis to be on either side of the headless Cyrus figurines] I’ll put them here with their dad.

GENE: “Oh, Papa’s head’s missing! Ha ha ha ha!”

PAUL [voiceover]: Being Cyrus’s firstborn son, Cambyses inherited the throne, and very quickly decided to invade Egypt. This made people think he was crazy; and honestly, it’s kinda fair, because he was a bit of a reckless guy. While in Egypt, for example, he asked to see their sacred bull… and then he stabbed it to death.

ACE: [bursts out laughing]

BRUCE: [laughing] Oh my god… Jesus…

ACE: That’s so funny.

VINNIE: Kind of rude. Ancient Egyptians didn’t deserve that.

PAUL: Yeah, it is rude. You show up, ask to see their sacred bull…

ACE [tapping the table] “Can I see your sacred buuuuull? I promise I won’t touch it!”

VINNIE: It would take a long time to stab a bull to death, so I bet they were just like, “Please stop stabbing our bull…”

BRUCE: [laughs] Yeah, and he’s just staring them in the eye and just— [pretends to stab. Gene laughs]

PAUL [voiceover]: Cambyses was also known for his fits of blinding rage and making rash decisions that he would later regret. Take for example, the story of Croesus. Croesus had been a close friend and counselor to Cyrus, who asked him to watch over Cambyses. With that in mind, one day Croesus decided to offer Cambyses some constructive criticism. He warned the king that he’d been treating his men cruelly. Annnnd you can probably guess what was bound to happen to him.

GENE: How so? How was he treating them cruelly?

PAUL: He was known for being really reckless. There’s one story where a guy told Cambyses that he thought he drank too much…

GENE: I’m sure it didn’t end well for that guy.

PAUL: And Cambyses went, “Okay, if that’s true, I shouldn’t be able to shoot a bow.” So he called the man’s son in, and had him stand against the wall, and he said, “If I drink too much, then I’ll probably miss this shot.” And then he shot the man’s son in the heart.

GENE: Oh…

VINNIE: The man’s son?

PAUL: Uh huh.

GENE: Oof… that’s way worse than what I was imagining. I was just imagining him being a bratty dick or something. But no, that’s worse.

PAUL: Yep.

ACE: Maybe he was aimin’ for the face, an’ he really was too drunk. [Bruce laughs]

VINNIE: [laughs] “Oh, I just meant to take out an eye.”

ACE: “Aw man, did you guys see that?!”

GENE: Or he had to play it off like that was his plan all along.

ACE: Wakes up the next morning an’ he’s like [rubs his eyes with his hands] “Ugggh, what did I do last night?” [panel laughs] “Tell me I didn’t murder anyone’s kid.”

PAUL [voiceover]: Anyway, Croesus warned the king that he’d been treating his men cruelly, and that it wasn’t a great way to keep their loyalty. Cambyses responded by telling the supportive old man that he’d always hated him. He pulled out a bow and arrow, and Croesus fled the scene.

VINNIE: Does he just have a bow and arrow on him at all times?

BRUCE: [laughing] He takes out his bow and arrow; “Where’s your son, man?” [panel laughs]

GENE: Love how this guy knew what was coming and was like, “Aw shit, it’s heart-shootin’ time! I’m gettin’ outta here!”

PAUL [voiceover]: Cambyses ordered his officers to chase after the man and kill him. They did chase after him, but knowing the mad king would likely regret having his friend killed, they instead hid Croesus away. A few days later, when, as expected, Cambyses expressed remorse over his actions, his men revealed that—surprise! Croesus was still alive! Cambyses was overjoyed. He then had those guards executed for disobeying him.

[whole panel bursts out laughing]

BRUCE: Jesus Christ!

GENE: What the fuck…

VINNIE: Literally killing the messenger!

ACE: “You’ve brought me such joy… Where’s my bow and arrow?” [panel laughs]

BRUCE: “Bring me my bow and your sons.”

PAUL [voiceover]: Anyway, back to the story. Cambyses decided to bring his brother, Smerdis, along with him to Egypt. It’s thought that Cambyses was jealous of Smerdis, and worried that if he left him alone in Persia, he might stage a coup and seize a throne. Since both brothers were away from their hometown, Cambyses left a magian in charge of keeping an eye on his palace. Magians were basically just a priestly class.

PAUL: I’ve actually got a big Persia set. [takes out a cardboard set that looks like a Persian castle]

VINNIE: Oooh, nice.

PAUL: Thank you. [takes out a figurine labeled MAGIAN and puts it in front of the Persia set]

BRUCE: Wait, so Cambyses is worried that his brother’s gonna seize the throne… so he prevents this by giving the throne to a stranger?

PAUL: I mean, I assume it was someone he trusted.

GENE: Why does—Why does the magian have red eyes? Is that a—artistic thing?

PAUL: He’s a spooky magician.

GENE: Okay.

ACE: [giggling] Or he’s just high as fuck.

GENE: [snickering] So in his free time, he’s a pothead magician.

BRUCE: All magicians are potheads.

ACE: I dunno, I always thought magicians were more cocaine guys.

PAUL: [thinks and nods] Yeah, I guess that makes sense. They’re got a lot of energy.

GENE: Not David Blaine.

ACE: Ah, yeah, that’s true.

GENE: No one’s ever had to tell David Blaine to calm down.

PAUL [voiceover]: Meanwhile, in Egypt: Cambyses had a troubling dream about Smerdis, in which he saw his brother, quote, “seated on a royal throne in Persia, his form expanded supernaturally to such a prodigious size that he touched the heavens with his head.” Fed up with Smerdis, he ordered him to skedaddle back to Persia. And then he seemed to remember why he was concerned about Smerdis being alone in Persia in the first place. So, he called upon one of his men, Prexaspes

[panel ooohs as Paul takes out a figurine labeled PREXASPES]

BRUCE: Oh wow, I didn’t know we had a stylist here!

VINNIE: That’s a great robe he’s got!

PAUL: [looks at the camera] Full disclosure: none of these drawings are historically accurate.

BRUCE: [looks at the camera] All of these drawings are historically accurate.

ACE: They might be. Prove ‘im wrong.

PAUL: Prove me wrong!

PAUL [voiceover]: Cambyses called upon one of his men, Prexaspes, to track down Smerdis and secretly assassinate him. Prexaspes would do so, and he succeeded. He returned to the king and gave him the good news: Smerdis, his one serious threat to his power, was now dead.

PAUL: Also, [laughs] I don’t know where this fits in the story, but Prexaspes was the guy whose son was killed by Cambyses.

ACE: No way?! [bursts out laughing as the rest of the panel laughs]

GENE: That’s hilarious!

VINNIE: Also [giggles] the name Prexaspes sounds like a medication of some kind.

ACE: [laughs] “Ask your doctor if Prexaspes is right for you.”

PAUL [voiceover]: Shortly after, though, Cambyses would receive more news, some rather shocking news given the circumstances. In his absence, his throne had been taken… by SMERDIS?! Yep, by Smerdis.

ACE: [looks comically shocked] The dead Smerdis?!

BRUCE: Oh shit!

PAUL: So we know have this mysterious Smerdis. [takes out a figurine identical to the Smerdis figure, except it is labeled SMERDIS(?)]

ACE: So someone,, posing as Smerdis… See this is why people get verified on Twitter.

BRUCE: [laughs and nods] I mean, yeah, you’ve got a point. [to Paul] You should put a blue check mark over the real Smerdis.

PAUL: [grins and points his finger at the Smerdis figurine. A blue Twitter checkmark appears on the head as well as a text box that says VERIFIED]

GENE: Wait a minute, did he ever consider that the guy lied about what he did?

PAUL: No, he trusts that guy.

GENE: I just think it’s odd that he immediately thinks its an imposter, instead of thinking the guy was lying.

[screen cuts away to a title card:

CHAPTER II:

TO BE SMERDIS OR NOT TO BE SMERDIS

screen then cuts to animations as Paul narrates]

PAUL [voiceover]: Cambyses was, at first, greatly confuzzled by this recent development. Until someone reminded him of an important little detail, that made it clear to him that this must have been a power grab by an opportunistic usurper. I’m gonna leave that detail a mystery for now so that you continue to watch this video…

GENE: How does no one in the kingdom know this isn’t the real Smerdis?

BRUCE: It’s the beards, man. [Ace and Vinnie laugh]

GENE: Are you sure? I feel like…

BRUCE: Nah, man, everyone’s got a beard, ya can’t tell anyone apart.

ACE: “Alright, if you’re Smerdis, what did I give you for your birthday last year?” “An urn.” “Damn, it is Smerdis!”

To be continued in Part 2!

[jobethdalloway]

Rambling “Booksmart” thoughts from my 3 viewings of it (spoilers below!)

1) How much was I like Molly & Amy in high school? My senior quote included a quote from The Hours: "Perhaps there is nothing, ever, that can equal the recollection of having been young together. Maybe it's as simple as that." That, for me, actually sums up a lot of the joys of this movie. It wasn't angsty or taking itself too seriously like Lady Bird; it wasn't about shitting on its main character like Edge of Seventeen; it wasn't about loneliness like Eighth Grade; it wasn't about meanness like most of Mean Girls - it was about all the incredible joys that come with being a teenager, whichever way you choose to teen.

lots of rambling thoughts-

-the chemistry/casting is a huge part of what elevates this to something golden. I just completely accept that Kaitlyn & Beanie have been best friends since birth. sign me tf up. Give them Michael Cera and Jonah Hill's careers!! -Billie Lourd's entrance is one of the funniest things I've ever seen and then every time she popped up was just another miracle of laughter -this is like. soft Daria & Jane. Daria and Jane were a bit before my time but their '90s cynicism was something my friends and I were really drawn to and there weren't a whole lot of teenage girls repped in media who felt like us and we loved them. What I also really liked about that show is that, like this movie, it was not afraid to slap its protagonists on the wrists for judging "cool"/popular kids. Daria and Jane loved each other but the one time you saw them do anything remotely affectionate in the show was in the last (I believe?) episode when Daria hugs Jane and Jane is stunned/seemed kind of uncomfortable with it. I loved the love between Molly and Amy, its openness, it's two-way Ann & Leslie feel -being best friends with the teacher? Seriously, legit. I was super close to my favorite teacher junior year and then she moved away that summer and gave me her phone number so we could keep in touch. /I've been that person who would still meet up with my favorite gym teacher like years after graduating, just to get lunch and catch up -while this genre of comedy is usually a tad too crass for me, I realized it made a huge difference when it's made by/about girls - one of whom is a lesbian!!! It's not just nonstop escalating dick jokes! It doesn't demean or hypersexualize teenage girls!! Groundbreaking!!! It wasn't like, let's be as gross as possible because dicks are everyone's favorite thing to talk about. the sex jokes felt super real/were derived from very real things (oh, Ling Ling) -that scene in the swimming pool was gorgeous. everything about it. -I liked that Amy had a crush on a girl who wasn't just like Conventional Hot Chick. A straight dude writing/directing this very likely would've done that -I think maybe most poignantly, this movie made me miss high school. So many teen movies are about how high school sucks, how it's the worst, how it's lame, isolating, or scary. This reminded me of all my fun times with my friends and what a great ride we had -my generation's high school movie was Mean Girls. An iconic and hilarious film, but not at all kind to lesbians. Having one of the leads be an out lesbian in this film, to see her be the one who gets to hook up (well, almost / I do think that happened way too fast for her character but whatever) - that is revolutionary. I'm so so so so glad for (and a little jealous of) Gen Z's wlw who get to own this movie. Lesbians aren't the butt of the joke or the freaks anymore. They're the lead you're rooting for. -BILLIE LOURD

(A couple of small quibbles: I realize it's a staple of the genre, but I didn't love the girls getting drugged. I guess it was a creative way of doing that kind of sequence but eh. Also, Molly's comment about porn being like a documentary for an inexperienced lesbian is ... not good!! Yes the Cardi B joke was funny but young wlw, that porn was not made for you in mind and if you must, proceed with caution! And whether you're straight or gay, making out with someone who was mean to you, just to prove a point, is... not the best. Molly had a bunch of set-ups to telegraph that she'd end up with the sweet/desperate rich boy; I would've loved more set-up for the girl Amy ended up with)

2) More things I love:

-how this captures that people stop caring about cliques in senior year. I remember 2 of my grade’s coolest girls like adopting me partway through senior year because we had some classes together and they thought I was funny. Suddenly they were saying hi to me in the hallway amidst all their super cool friends and even though Being Cool had never been a goal of mine I felt so legit bc these two crazy popular girls liked me. I thought of that when Nick exudes nothing but sheer joy at the sight of Molly at his party. It’s so sweet. -Barcelona -I love that this movie doesn’t fall into the cliche of making The Cool Boy Our Protagonist Likes into a douche so she’ll go swoon into the arms of the less cool guy who likes her. Nick may be a shameless flirt but he isn’t written as someone who’s evil and I like that -I love that they never go “omg, I can’t believe Ryan’s straight!” The belief that she’s queer is not challenged -Amy grinning like an idiot when Ryan’s arm touches her leg :))) -with the close-ups of feminist accoutrement in Molly’s room and the bumper stickers on Amy’s car, it really struck me how amazing it is that these are our leads. Characters like this were the least popular ones/people who got made fun of in shows/movies when I was growing up (see: Jessie on Saved By the Bell). I LOVE that unrepentant feminism is such a huge part of them -Billie Lourd takes my breath away -I want to take Hailee Steinfeld’s character out of EDGE OF SEVENTEEN and put her in this movie, where Molly and Amy would befriend her and she could date someone who wasn’t a sexist dick -I still wish Hope had been a little better developed/hadn’t been so mean -I want to hang out with my high school friends

3) Third time seeing this and honestly laughed just as hard as I did the previous two times. The jokes all land and the deliveries, the facial expressions, the camaraderie is all perfect. I like that the notion of pushing past stereotypes is even applied to Amy’s parents, when Molly makes a comment about them being Christians who totally accept their lesbian daughter. That was a nice, small touch. (It also comes up again when the pizza delivery man who, while a douche, seems to be being nice in some way by warning them to be safe and turns out to be a wanted criminal). 

Also - is Avril Lavigne’s Sk8r Boi a dated reference for this movie? Is Sully? Do the kids not have to sit alphabetically at graduation? Because everyone’s grouped with their friends. Also I went with my gay bff to see this and we died bc the theater kid’s extreme reaction when Molly kissed the dude on stage was exactly my friend’s reaction from a moment before. And if the party was so late, couldn’t they have had dinner with Amy’s parents? They’re so sweet and they put so much effort into that adorable meal (I loved Lisa Kudrow in this omg). Why did they not pick her up from jail? Why did they not take her to the airport?? (These aren’t super important questions, I guess, I’m just being kinda nit-picky. I love the last shot/line of the movie)

I’m glad it’s where it is not.I do still kinda feel like we could’ve done without the teacher hooking up with the 20-year-old student. Not sure what that brought to the table and I actually thought her saying “how crazy would that be if I just showed up?” was funny without her actually showing up. At a party with all her students. Did no one else notice her there? 

[fortunatelylori]

Why the Jon/Daenerys romance doesn’t work (Part 1)

Are D&D really idiots?

Disclaimer: So ... my experience with Tumblr is veeeery limited ... as in this is my first post on here so if I fail to link things properly, give credit for gifs, caps or other people’s creations in an appropriate manner, I apologize in advance. Please let me know if you notice something like that and I will change things accordingly.

I have been scrolling around the site for about a week now, after having revisited season 7 of GOT. I will freely admit in advance that I ship Jonsa. However, for what it’s worth, when season 7 first came out, I was more than ready to abandon my Jonsa dreams and get on board with the Jonerys love fest, since everyone around me assured me that it was the end all be all of romance. After seeing the episodes for the first time, I was completely underwhelmed but I ignored my gut feelings because well ... everyone assured me that Jon and Dany were oh, so meant to be. Who am I to fight fate, I thought?!? So I just shrugged and moved on with my life.

However, part of the problem with this ship is that the more time passes, the more people like me, who actually enjoy watching and rewatching the same thing over and over again, start to see the cracks in it. I don’t mean to offend anyone that ships Jonerys, even though I probably will or anyone who likes Dany. Personally, I’ve had a whole host of problems with her character but I will refrain from commenting on my issues with her in this series and just give an opinion on why this story has the deepest scent of red herring since the invention of red herrings.

Before I get into it, I will keep these metas mainly focused on the story from a scriptwriting POV, since that was my job for a time. This series will be less focused on visual cues, camera angles and such. People with far more patience and experience have already done this so I will focus my observations around my area of expertise, such as it is.

In this first part I will try to dispel a few notions about  David Benioff, D.B. Weiss and their writing crew.

One of the common defenses for Jonerys, is that the creators of GOT are simply not every good at their job. They are unable to craft a decent love story for these two characters.

So the guys who created the most popular TV show on Earth, a show that HBO has invested hundreds of millions of dollars into, are hacks. Ok … 

Why do people believe that? Well, for a number of reasons:

1)      The show does not have the thematic scope and wealth of characters that GRRM included in his series

This is true. From the direwolves, to the missing characters, to entire plot threads, prophecies and themes upon themes, D&D have significantly simplified GRRM’s work.

But I would argue this is not because they don’t know how to do their jobs, but rather because they do know how to do it.

GRRM’s himself has said that he started writing ASOIAF out of sheer frustration with being a scriptwriter. Writing a book IS an extremely liberating experience after writing scripts. Why? Because words on a page cost nothing, aside from time and creativity. The sky is the limit.

The sky is absolutely not the limit when you’re a scriptwriter. You are constrained by all sorts of things like: money, sets, weather, daylight vs. night time, actors ‘availability etc. You’re always looking at what you can condense, tighten up. You’re always cutting words out of lines to make them sharper, regrouping scenes so you can maximize your locations, cut out all the fat so you can get an episode that is the required length.

And then there’s the all important element: the audience. People have different reactions to reading something vs. watching something. You read to get lost in a world, the journey is the main entertainment. In contrast, you come back week after week to watch a TV show to see what your favorite characters are getting up to.

Considering all of this, is it really surprising that they would cut out things like the young Griff or fArya from the show? Does anyone believe that the general audience out there cares about them? No. They want to see Jon, Arya, Tyrion, Dany … And they also want to see progression. A season of Tyrion on a boat thinking about stuff is not an option.

Also, GOT has quite a reputation for having a hellava lot of characters. Just watch the honest trailer that Screen Junkies have done:

At around the 3:20 mark they point out all the characters whose names you remember and all those you don’t. And it’s hilarious. Why? Because it’s true.

By season 3, people were still struggling to remember Littlefinger’s actual name. How do you think they’d fair with all the Greyjoys that pop up in the books like mushrooms after the rain?

So yes, D&D and their team cut out themes, characters and storylines for the sake of brevity. That’s what scriptwriters have to do, as sad as it may sound. That’s not to say they do everything right but by and large they’ve done a decent enough job for me not to assume they can’t write a proper love story for 2 characters that they’ve been working with for 6 seasons.

2)      Emilia and Kit have chemistry in real life so if that didn’t translate on screen, it’s because the scriptwriters were doing a terrible job at tapping into it

See, I would almost buy into that if it wasn’t for the fact that their scenes aren’t poorly conceived but rather are actively undermining the budding romance. You never get a sense of completion, of certainty from any of them. I will go through every scene in my next post, but for now, I’d just like to draw your attention to this moment:

(source: @dreamofspring )

We’ll leave aside character motivations on this for now, but if the script writers put that line in there to further advance the Jonerys romance, then they shouldn’t be in charge of writing commercials, let alone multimillion productions.

Are we to assume they simply forgot the other two instances where this line was used?

They revisited the Tower of Joy this season but apparently no alarm bells went off in the writer’s room at this:

(source:  @dreamofspring​)

They paralleled Jon’s arc this season to Mance Rayder’s but nope, simply forgot about this:

This script went through a dozen rewrites and probably 100 hands by the time it made it to the screen and yet at no point did anyone think: “Hey guys maybe we shouldn’t have Jon say good bye to his lady love by quoting Mance right before he was burned alive.” Those silly, silly writers.

3)      The show has taken a dive quality wise since they can’t follow GRRM’s source material any longer

There is some validity to this, I will admit. This season we’ve seen the likes of Tyrion, Varys and Littlefinger lose some of their vital energy and characteristics that have made them such interesting, fun characters to watch.

The Littlefinger plot, in particular, was poorly executed. In their desire to leave us in the dark about what was happening in order to have what amounted to a cheap twist at the end, we were given a convoluted, clunky mystery plot where everyone was playing everyone else but not really. While I’m glad, on principal, that the show established the Stark sisters coming together as a unit against a common foe, giving Littlefinger such a stupid ending left a bitter taste in my mouth. Not a worthy completion to the arc of one of the best players of the Game of Thrones at all. So yes, they dropped the ball on that one.

Tyrion and Varys are a different matter. The main reason why they’re rather ineffective and sidelined is because they probably shouldn’t be there in the first place. That’s because their entire vision on life, justice and good kingship comes directly at odds with Dany’s “Fire and blood” policy. They are just now starting to worry about this predicament but they’re both far too smart not to have noticed until now. The woman brought 3 dragons and a Dothraki horde into Westeros. What did they think she was going to do with them? Play boggle?!?

If I try really hard, I can find an explanation for Tyrion. I think, probably, he’s still reeling for the trial and murdering dad so he’s not in the best state of mind.

Varys however? He definitely shouldn’t be there. He should be with young Griff which makes much more sense since it’s very likely there is a deep, personal connection there that would make the usually cynical and skeptical Varys trust that the person he is actively supporting is actually best for the realm. But alas, young Griff doesn’t exist so he’s stuck with Dany, until he finally turncoats and gets burned alive. So brevity is at fault here.

All that being said, I think it’s unfair to assert that the show runners have dropped the ball. That’s because the more I think about it, the more season 7 looks like a part of a whole, instead of an arc on its own. There are too many open ended questions, too many character choices that don’t make sense (particularly Jon who is, by far, the central character this season) for it to feel complete.

Season 7 is like the Infinity War part 1 of Game of Thrones. You can analyze it on its own but you can’t really determine its true quality or meaning until you see Part 2.

I know this got very long so thank you to everyone that had the patience to read until the end. J

[lopez-richter-fangirl]

This is so unnecessary and definitely longer than it needs to be but I always worry my friends don’t know how much I love and appreciate them and also it’s New Years so it’s basically a legal obligation for me to start feeling super sentimental. So here’s what I wanna say about my 2018:

It kind of only feels appropriate to start with you guys. I’ve made so many amazing friends whether I’ve spoken to you once or all the time or even if we’ve never actually spoken properly, you all are my family and I love you beyond words. Starkid fans are the best people in the world and I’m insanely grateful and so happy to have you all as a part of my life and to have met some of you.

But obviously there are some people I have to talk about.

Sophie. (You’d think there’s nothing else left I can say to you but you’d be wrong). You’re my best friend, my mind twin, my sister, my Richpez soulmate. We’ve talked for, what, like five months (even though it feels like forever) about Richpez, pretty much every day, which makes me happier than anything. Thinking about them makes my day so much better and getting to ramble to you and share ideas and writing is my favourite thing. But you’re always there to talk about life and offer to die/kill for me and I appreciate you an unimaginable amount, you mean the absolute world to me. I literally don’t know what I’d do without you, you make my life exponentially better, and I feel so so lucky to be your friend. I know I said this to you before but I’ll say it again, thank you for everything. I’m so excited to share another year of these babes with you (and, you know, hopefully some Starkid 2019 plans too). @laurenlpz

Lenita (again, I know I’ve said this to you before but I feel like I can never say it enough). You always know the right things to say and can make me feel better just like that and you never fail to remind me that Joey and Lauren are just best friends (how could I be so stupid???). You’ve helped me so much, always been so supportive, you’ve always got my back too, you know me better than almost anyone, and I’m so happy to call myself your daughter (even though it means I’ve got a quadruple barrelled surname now but we’ll take it). @meresloth

And of course Kristen and Taylor to complete our Richpez solidarity (and for being in my corner when shit goes down). I don’t know what I’d do without you guys to scream at/with about these babes. Probably go insane. So thanks. @antisocial-wings @introverted-explorer

Everyone in the Yeeh(f)a(mily)w, you all are wonderful and deserve the world and I have no idea what’s going on half the time in that chat but it’s so nice to have you all, and thank you Lenita for adopting so many kids @ill-be-your-wife-zazzalil @pazazzalil @silvernyxa @andelynn @j0ell0 @laurenlopeztheloml 

Specifically to Amy, you make me laugh so much and I’m so lucky to have you and I will forever be grateful that you finally managed to get your private messages to work so we could stop having entire conversations through reblogs and irritating everyone. I love you lots.

Dee, you are possibly the sweetest human in the world (yes, even with the vore), I always have some of the most entertaining conversations with you, you are hilarious and I value our friendship incredibly, I have so so much love for you. Thank you for sharing my unhealthy love for Lauren and for always sending me the most random asks right when I need them which I love answering.  @oh-my-dead-vicious-wizard-duck

All of you that I met at AVPW (I’m so sorry if I forget anyone, I truly do love you all). You all helped make it the best weekend of my life and you’re some of the nicest people I’ve ever met. @clara-letmebebrave @goddamn-it-zazzalil @starkid-jess @tincanstarkid @bookishvic @postpvnk @jjfantabulous Lottie, Linn

Thank you to everyone who’s sent me messages or asks when I’ve been having a bad day (I obviously can’t tag you all but know I appreciate you immensely), to everyone who’s accepted my richpez posts (and those who’ve actively encouraged them), to everyone putting up with me being completely incoherent from 20/07-22/07 (and much longer than that let’s be honest), everyone who even just follows me and is willing to see my terrible posts. 

Also gotta thank Lauren Lopez for being a major reason why I’m here, I literally don’t know where I’d be without her and I feel very blessed by her existence and I will never not be grateful to her.

For me personally 2018 has been by far the best year of my life. I know I said that last year when I discovered Starkid, but this year has topped it in ways I could never even have imagined. And obviously a big part of that was meeting Starkid, that was always going to put this year up there as one of the most amazing ever because it was all my dreams come true and they were all as incredible as I thought they’d be and I still can’t believe any of it actually happened (and Lauren the absolute loml sat next to me??!! my life’s never getting better than that really is it).

But it was also because of forming even closer friendships, finding people that I love talking to more than anything, meeting my Richpez soulmate. Plus we got to see so many engagements, we got a new Starkid musical, more TCB content (still waiting on wayward guide but we love those boys anyway), we all wanted to kill Nick for making that anniversary “announcement” and then leaving us hanging for months. 

Over the past year I’ve realised that I laugh so much easier, I smile more often (wow this is cheesy and sappy as hell now don’t worry I hate me too). I didn’t realise for how long I hadn’t been genuinely happy until this year, it’s really taught me what happiness is and I hope I get to feel this for the rest of my life. I’ve just found so much to live for and this community has brought me unimaginable joy. To quote Lauren Lopez, y’all have helped me more than you know. So thank you for helping me get through another year, one that was infinitely better than the last. 2019 might not be quite as good as my 2018 (although I guess we’ll have to see), but here’s hoping I stay just as happy. And I’m wishing all of you as much happiness as I possibly can too.

[woahhaleigh]

Heathers UK Cast Recording Review (From A Retired Veronica Sawyer’s Perspective)

If you are new to my blog, hi! I’m Haleigh and I am an actress local to Dallas/Ft. Worth, Texas. I had the utmost pleasure of playing Veronica Sawyer last summer in Plano, Texas. Veronica was an absolute dream role of mine. I feel so honored every day that I was chosen to tell that story. The show holds an extra special place in my heart because a little bit after the show closed, I started to date the wonderfully talented man who played my JD. So, Heathers holds a dear place in both of our hearts. We have spent a few evenings listening to the UK Cast Recording and gathering our thoughts on it.

I need to preface a few things. 1. I am a huge Carrie Hope Fletcher fan. So I am absolutely biased. Not sorry. 2. As a whole, I think my experience as Veronica would have been immensely easier if this album had been out for me to study and work with. The only Veronica when my show went up was the lovely Barrett Wilbert Weed. Anyone who has ever had the pleasure of playing this iconic role knows that it is insanely difficult to live up to such talent as hers. Carrie made the role seem a bit more human and her vocals, while still insanely difficult, were much more achievable. 3. I go on a few tangents about my experience as Veronica. We just celebrated the year anniversary since the first rehearsal. Your girl got a bit nostalgic. 4. Thank you for coming to my little corner of the internet. Let’s listen to the Heathers UK Album!

⬇ Keep Reading ⬇

Beautiful: I can hear the accents. I can hear them holy moly. It’s okay, Haleigh. Phew. I will say I could hear a distinct difference in the orchestration? It doesn’t feel quite so cutthroat and edgy as the Off-Broadway album. It really does sound more musical theatre. Which I truly enjoy. I like that it sounds like a completely different show. I’m not one for a carbon copy of something else. 

Candy Store: Okay, Jodie Steele is everything I never knew I needed?? This rendition is wonderful.

Fight For Me: Woah, this key change is everything! This song was really daunting to learn. And I seriously adore the changes in this album. This song was my favorite to sing. I hope they release the updated score for us on other sides of the globe to use for our books!

Freeze Your Brain: So I can hear Jamie Muscato’s every single syllable. Which is great for the pronunciation of his American accent. However, it was a bit jolting the first time through the cast album. Now that I’ve gone through a few times, I don’t notice it quite as much. Perhaps it’s just the recording and not him live. Such a gorgeoussss voice, nevertheless. 

Big Fun: The lyric changes were jolting at first, as well. Still takes a lot of time to get used to. Also, they took out the verse about “let’s use their showers. That sounds like big fun”. Don’t expect to be able to sing along with this one first time around. I do love that Heather Macnamara gets the line about “First it’s salt and then lime and thennnn shot!” like it was in the script when I did the show! 

Dead Girl Walking: Such a win, guys. The amount of fever dreams I had about this song is damn near embarrassing. I will say it again, if this album had been out when I did this role, it wouldn’t have been nearly as terrifying. Carrie’s belts were absolutely gorgeous!

Me Inside Of Me: Ugh, my least favorite song in the show. I will say, Jodie Steele, sounds absolutely stunning, though. Even more so than Candy Store. I can hear her bitchiness just in the audio. I wonder how chilling her performance was in person!

You’re Welcome: Unpopular opinion time; I dislike everything about this song. I’ve listened to it once and skip it every time I listen through the album. While Blue from the Off-Broadway album (if done wrong) can be just as predatory as this song, I’ve mainly seen it done silly and more comedic. You're Welcome is just plain scary, in my humble opinion. The vocals are undeniably stunning. Kurt and Ram are immensely talented. However, I just don’t feel like this was a good replacement for Blue. I feel this song is just scary and triggering. Especially for someone who has been in Veronica’s shoes before. While I respect that the writers prefer this song to Blue, I strongly stand behind my opinion on this song. 

Never Shut Up Again: I feel like this song is along the same lines as Dead Gay Son. It has a beautiful upbeat vibe to it. I’ve heard a lot of people say that it doesn’t sound like it belongs or flows. I completely disagree. Heather Duke deserved a solo. And T-Shan Williams absolutely slays this song. I also appreciate that they did a little nod to the Blue Reprise in here. This song will be a fan favorite if it gets released with the rights worldwide. 

Our Love Is God: Ah one of my most favorite songs to perform when I did this show. This song lives up to the outrageously high expectations I had for it. Brought massive tears to my eyes as I listened and replayed performing this scene in my head. I can only imagine how wonderful the performances were in person. 

Dead Gay Son: A song that is usually a skip for me. The vocals were lovely but this song is just better when you see the show live, in my opinion. 

Seventeen: Another song that had really high expectations. The vocals, the tone, the everything was truly wonderful. You could hear the love and the urgency behind both Carrie and Jamie’s voices. I was pleased when this song was released early. It was a great little taste to what a joy this cast album would be. 

Shine A Light: Less church-y than the Off-Broadway and more rock, I will say. Love Rebecca Lock’s choices with Fleming. She sounds so unapologetically her and it is truly a hilarious experience to listen to. (Funny story, James actually tripped and fell off a platform during our production of Heathers during this song. Just thought I’d share that with the world.)

Lifeboat: Sophie Issacs sure knows how to pull at your heartstrings with this one. It feels like there was a key change in this song too, I could be wrong, though. It also feels faster? I will say while her vocals are lovely since it does feel faster, the song doesn’t pack as much of a punch as it could have. 

Shine A Light Reprise: T’Shan is seriously terrifying. I loved the lyric and note changes for this one. Like man, that belt is too die for. 

I Say No: Added to my book and have already started to rehearse this so I can sing it at my first given opportunity. The lyrics to this song are really awesome. In the Off-Broadway show, I always was peeved that the musical took out my favorite quote from the movie “You know what I want? Cool guys like you out of my life.” And they included a bit of that in this song. As someone who is a huge fan of this movie, I was stoked when that was added in. From my understanding, this song happens after JD shoots the TV right after Veronica breaks up with him. (Correct me if my assumption is wrong!) James and I had discussed in the past how a song would have been awesome there. So, if that is where this song is, it just makes me that much happier. 

Kindergarten Boyfriend: Woah. I mean woahhhh. Those vocals are flawless. This is the only scene in the show where Veronica gets more than 30 seconds to be off stage. I always spent it listening to our Martha that evening sing her heart out. It is what got me into the mindset to cry during Meant To Be Yours. This rendition is so lovely and truly makes me cry every time I’ve listened to the album all the way through.

Yo Girl: So eerie and so haunting. I do prefer the Off-Broadway for this one. It felt more gut-wrenching. The lyrics changes, though, hit you right where it hurts. “what’s that brimstoney smell?” Ouch, guys. 

Meant To Be Yours: The differences are subtle between this and the Off-Broadway. I love Jamie’s performance. He truly sounds like he has lost his damn mind. And Ryan McCartan's JD sometime’s was really cartoony. (Still, absolutely adore him!!) My favorite performance from Jamie from this entire album. One character choice I really liked was the whisper of “No thanks”. So chilling. Okay, I’m crying while I’m listening to this. I gotta move to the next song. 

Dead Girl Walking Reprise: Carrie’s version is not quite as belt-y as Barrett’s. I always had to sing this after balling my eyes out and had to sniffle and belt this. I love that there is just as much power behind this version but not all the way sang up to the gods. It’s a much more achievable rendition for the average singer in a community theatre where this will get done more often. Again, Jamie for real sounds manic and I love every second of it. And I also looove that there’s an added “Don’t talk about my mom” and a “stop” lines in there. Every night when James and I sang this, he shot me a look like those were his thoughts, but I can’t say anything because she is singing and it’s not in the script. It’s really lovely to have that added bonus in here. 

I Am Damaged: These are the only lyrics changes I don’t agree with. I like how it was originally portrayed that JD may or may not be changing in this song. But either way, wow my heart hurts. That was so beautiful. Every night when I played Veronica, my interpretation of this song was probably quite different than most. I’d love to share that to someone other than James and a few members of the cast. When Veronica says “Say hi to God”, I always portrayed it as Veronica, despite all of the harm JD caused, truly believed he would still go to heaven. And it always got me to the depths of my core. 

Seventeen Reprise: The vocals and talent of this cast, my god. Just as beautiful as the Off-Broadway. Ugh, this is making me cry my eyes out, guys. 

There you have it guys. What did you think of this cast recording? If you haven’t listened to the album yet, you really should! Listen here. 

[mycasandstarrs]

SPN 10x05: “Fan Fiction”

As a former theatre kid, this episode brings me so much joy.

“Ghost? Meet Winchester.”

There’s our girl!

“Where is the Samulet?”

“Oh! I took it off. It kept hitting me in the lips, and...”

“That amulet is the symbol of the Winchesters' brotherly love!”

!!!

“There is too much drama in the drama department.” Well...yeah.

“Why couldn't they just do ‘Godspell’ like good little skanks ? Instead it's this... awful, unbelievable horror story. Hmm! Like that stuff really happens! Huh, theater is about life, you know? Truth! Truth! Where is the truth in ‘Supernatural’?”

What the fuck kind of teacher is this??

I had a theater teacher who told us theatre was magic. I think she would’ve liked Marie’s play about Supernatural.

There she goes.

“I mean, it's close, but it's just.... It needs a little more grrrr!”

Our very special title card.

“Sundown” by Gordon Lightfoot

Our beautiful Baby.

Dean awake before Sam? A shocker.

“A teacher in an all girls school went missing in Flint, Michigan. She was heading to her car, disappeared, and nobody's seen her since.”

“Dean, there's nothing here that even remotely suggest there is a case.”

“There is nothing that even remotely suggest there isn't a case. Boom!”  

Logic!

Hell yes!

Thank you, thank you, thank you Robbie Thompson.

“Ugh, theater kids. Great.”  

“What? I was a theater kid.”

“Barely. You did ‘Our Town’, which was cool. But then, you did that crappy musical.”

“The - ‘Oklahoma’? Hugh Jackman got cast off of ‘Oklahoma’.”

“You ran tech, Wolverine.”

Hey, Techies are just as important as the actors.

They missed the huge banner advertising the show??

hahahaha, their faces are hilarious. Granted, if I found out someone made a musical about my life, I’d be speechless too.

“If there is case... It probably has something to do with all of this.” It has everything to do with it.

Marie, writer/director, and Maeve, the stage manager. (Fun fact: I was a stage manager once! Lots of fun, work, and telling people to shut up and pay attention.)

“I'm Special Agent Smith. This is my partner, Special Agent -”

“Smith.”

“Smith. No relation.”

Again with the joke.

There’s plenty of singing in Supernatural, mostly from you, Dean.

“If there was singing, it would be classic rock. Not this Andrew Floyd Webber crap -”

“Andrew Lloyd Webber.”

Love the improv correction.

Don’t shoot down “Carry on Wayward Son”, Sam.

I also had a theater teacher who went through a divorce.

“Maeve, right? You're the stage manager?”

“And I understudy Jody Mills.”

Maeve would make a great Jody!

“I'm gonna throw up.” Shush, Dean.

“I mean, I gotta say, it's kind of charming. The production value, and the...” I love Sam’s sincere interest tho.

Rule #1: You never touch the props.

“Why are they standing so close together?”

“Um...Reasons.”

“You know they're brothers, right?”

“Well, duh! But... Subtext.”

We gotta address that.

“You know, back when I did tech in school, we had two CD decks-”

“I'm sorry, I have to go sign the delivery.”

Aww Sam! I would love to hear his theater stories.

Pfft, Sam.

“There's no space in Supernatural.” We got close to it...

“Chuck stopped writing after ‘Swan Song’. I just- I couldn't leave it the way that it was! I mean, Dean not hunting anymore, living with Lisa?! Sam, somehow back from Hell, but not with Dean?! So, I wrote my own ending.” I don’t blame her.

“Dean becomes a woman.” Would still wanna see that happen in an episode.

“So, Sam came back from Hell. But without a soul. Then, Cas brought in a bunch of Leviathans from Purgatory. They lost Bobby. And then, Cas and Dean got stuck in Purgatory, Sam hit a dog. They met a prophet named Kevin, they lost him too. Then Sam endured a series of trials, in an attempt to close the gates of Hell. Which nearly cost him his life. Then Dean? Dean became a demon. Knight of Hell, actually.”

S6-9 summary, courtesy of Dean.

Here comes the second hand embarrassment.

“That is some of the worst fan fiction that I've ever heard ! I mean, seriously, I don't know where your friend found this garbage!” Oof, I still don’t like that.

“Siobhan and Kristen are a couple in real life. Although, we do explore the nature of Destiel in act two.”

“Sorry, what?”

“Oh, it's just subtext ! But, then again, you know, you can't spell subtext without.... s-e-x.”

!!!!!

Hi, Jensen.

“I don’t understand.”

“Me either.”

“I mean, shouldn't it be... Deastiel?”

LMAO SAM.

“You know... How about Sastiel? Samstiel?”

“Ok, alright. You know what? You're gonna do that thing, where you just shut the hell up. Forever.”

Teasing brother, Sam.

“This whole musical thing, everything, it's... It's all a coincidence? There is no case?” When is it ever just a coincidence?

“Get in the car!”  

!!!!!!!

BUT HE NEVER DENIED IT THOO, that’s all i’m saying.

“You know, we should've done ‘The Outsiders’, like I told you.”

Maggie’s the second person to get kidnapped.

“I called the cops, and a bunch of adults just told me I have an overactive imagination.” :(

“It is all real. And so are we. I'm Sam Winchester. That's Dean.” NO NO NO.

“You guys are way too old to be Sam or Dean.”

“Oh, yeah!”

“More of a Bobby/Rufus combo? Maybe.”

How old do they think Sam and Dean should be???

“We are what the books called hunters.” They believe that.

First guess: a tulpa.

“How do you kill an idea?”  

“Well, in ‘Hell House’, Sam and Dean burnt the house down, to take out the one tulpa they hunted.”

Correct!

“Gird your loins. It's horrifying.” Umm...okay.

I love how reluctant Marie was to burn her prop.

“What?”

“It’s not a tulpa.”

“Say it one more time, but just a little bit more Arnold--”  

LMAO, Dean.

Calliope.

“According to the lore, Calliope manifests creatures from the story she's tuned into.”

The show must go on.

An understandable panic attack over the possibility of getting eaten.

“Is Marie gonna get eaten?” Shush.

I love when Dean calls people “champ”. It’s so sweet and endearing.

“If Sam and Dean were real, they wouldn't back down from a fight. Especially my sweet, brave, selfless Sam. There's nothing he can't do.” !!!

“I used this for my one-woman ‘Orphan Black’ show, last year.” Marie is the theater kid I would’ve lowkey wanted to be.

“Writer. Director. Actor. I'm gonna Barbra Streisand this bitch.” FUCK YES! KICK IT IN THE ASS!

Dean fixing Stage!Cas’ tie!!

Funny Sam asked for Chuck...

“Oh! I-I, I love him. I do! But honestly, the whole author introducing himself into the narrative thing, it's just not my favorite. I kind of hate the meta stories.” I politely disagree.

“Alright, listen up, girls. Now, you're all here, because you love ‘Supernatural’.”

“Actually, I was hoping we'd do ‘Wicked’.” 

“I want you to get out there, and I want you to stand as close as she wants you to, and I want you to put as much sub and add text, as you possibly can. There is no other road. No other way. No day, but today.”

“Did he just quote ‘Rent’?”

“Not enough to get us into trouble.”

“Ghooooost-facerssss!”  This episode just adds wonderful years to my lifespan.

You know what I would pay to watch this play in full???

“The Road So Far”

There it is.

The misunderstood thumbs up, lmao.

Sam goes bye bye.

Maggie and the teacher.

They were in the school’s basement.

Hello, Calliope.

“I’ll Just Wait Here Then”

Nothing makes me more emotional than seeing the audience fall in love Stage!Cas, much like we did with our real Cas.

“If I have to sit through that second act, one more time... There's robots, and tentacles, and space. I can't even.” lol

“A Single Man Tear”

That exorcism special effect is so wonderful! I can see how they do it now, but from the audience’s POV, it’s absolutely magical.

What the hell did the audience think Dean was doing??

“We're through the looking glass, here, people. Strike the wendigo set, let's prep the priests costumes. And Sarah? Get understudies into hair and makeup.” Maeve’s a A+ stage manager.

“Supernatural has everything. Life. Death. Resurrection. Redemption. But above all, family. All sorts of music you can really tap your toe to. It isn't some meandering piece of genre dreck. It's... epic!” Agreed.

Stage!Dean is a pro if she could keep singing with everything going on in the background.

lmao at the one guy putting on his poncho.

Original Stage!Sam knocks out Calliope.

Understudy!Sam kills the Scarecrow.

Sam kills Calliope. A trifecta of Sam Awesomeness.

RIP Calliope. Killed by Sam.

The audience must be wondering how they managed to do that for years.

“Take a bow, Sammy.” Take a bow too, Dean.

“Thanks for saving my friends.”

“Sure.”

“You know? If you'd cut your hair a little, you'd make a pretty good Dean.”

Aww.

“Dean? You never should've thrown this away.” YYYEEESSS

“It never really worked. And, I don't need a symbol to remind me how I feel about my brother, so...”

“Just take it. Jerk.”

“Bitch.”

I love Dean’s panic when he realizes he just called a teenage girl a “bitch” without meaning to, lmaoo.

Take it away Stage!Winchesters!

Let me tell you, I literally bursted into tears when they started singing “Carry On Wayward Son”. It’s beautifully done.

Starting with Stage!Mary, who is more or less Square 1 of the entire story.

i remember a lot of people being upset about Cas not being part of the family lineup at the end, and I get it. But if Marie was only going off of the first 5 seasons, it makes sense that she didn’t see Cas as family yet because Sam and Dean didn’t see Cas as family yet. They’re just one year shy of that.

BUT the same girl who plays Cas is on stage as Adam, a technical Winchester. You could say Cas took over Adam’s role as the third Winchester “brother” because canonically speaking, that’s the highest title Sam and Dean have given Cas.

“Who's that?”

“Oh, that's Adam. John Winchester's other kid. He's still trapped in the cage, in Hell. With Lucifer.”

lmaooo. Awkward.

“Don’t you cry no more.” I sing, while crying.

I wish he had kept the Samulet Part 2 on there.

A picture perfect ending.

...One last surprise.

“Oh my gosh! But wait... That means that- Calliope came for me or for-?” Did Marie know who he was?

I thought it was Cas...

I legit lost my goddamn mind when I saw him.

A perfect episode of Supernatural, in my most humble opinion.

[woman-devours-books]

At The Stroke of Midnight

At the Stroke of Midnight by Tara Sivec My rating: 5 of 5 stars ALL THE STARS!!!! I don't think anyone will be surprised to learn I love a good fairytale retelling. While most of the stories I've brought you are Beauty and the Beast, I do love when I find a good rebranding of other fairy tales/Disney princesses. It's fun and I enjoy a clever retelling of a familiar story. Today, let me introduce you to a new version of Cinderella. Tara Sevic is a fairly new to me author with witty and amusing characters and a plethora of men to make me swoon. At The Stroke of Midnight is book one of her modern day fairytale/Disney princess retellings, The Naughty Princess Club. This trio (so far) of books brings us to Fairytale Lane and three women embarking on a new business venture to make it rain. Here's what it's about:

Once upon a time Cynthia was the perfect housewife. Between being the President of the PTA and keeping her home spotless without a hair (or her pearls) out of place, her life was a dream come true. Her husband was once her knight in shining armor, but now he’s run off with all their money…and the babysitter. Dressed as a princess at the annual Halloween block party on Fairytale Lane, she meets two other “princesses” also facing money troubles: antique store owner Ariel and librarian Isabelle. When the women are invited to wear their costumes to a party where they’re mistaken for strippers, Cindy, Ariel, and Belle realize that a career change could be the best way to make their money problems go bippity-boppity-boo. But can structured Cindy approach a stripper pole without sanitizing wipes? And could the blue-eyed anti-prince that has been crossing her path become Cindy’s happily ever after? At the Stroke of Midnight is a hilarious, empowering story where princesses can save themselves while slaying in stilettos.

This book is so much fun! Sevic is magic with her words and wit. Things I Loved This book is centered so much around empowering female friendship I was jumping for joy! At Cindy's lowest point, these other two zany women come crashing into her life and decide to stay. They listen to her cry her eyes out over her scum-bag ex-husband, they help create the Naughty Princess Club full force, they push her to break out of her pristinely, ordered world. They are there for her. Through the ups and downs, they are sticking to her like glue whether she likes is or not. AND IT IS AMAZING! In fact, the first 35% of the book is mainly interactions between Cindy, Ariel, and Belle. There are a few crazy, random-happenstances between Cindy and PJ, but their story doesn't really get going until that 35% mark. I LOVE IT!! I love books where the women in the story have such a strong support network among their friends! It's beautiful! It's wonderful! It's amazing!!! Female friendship should be shouted from the roof-tops! It isn't encouraged nearly enough! And what are romance books but stories about life and relationships. Romantic relationships do not happen in a bubble. Our friends influence us. We gush and swoon and laugh over our romantic relationships. Friends should be more prominently featured in romance books! The male lead in this book was also just...*fans self. Swoons.* PJ Charming is our tall, blue-eyed, and handsome main man. There are a lot of things to swoon over this guy, he’s a genuiley caring man, he decided to run his club so women like his mother would be alright, and he’s a goofball, when it comes down to it. But I think the thing that really got me was when he began to really understand Cindy and her motivations. And at that moment in the book, my ovaries exploded! Let me back up a smidge. There comes a point in Cindy's post-divorce, oh-shit-my-life-is-falling-apart life in which she realizes Brian (sleaze husband) never really saw her, never really listened to her, never took her seriously. It is a huge moment for her in reclaiming who she really is. So, when PJ acknowledges that her idea to start the Naughty Princess Club isn't just a bored housewife's passing fancy, it is a big beautiful moment! There is so much amazing life reclaiming, beautiful friendship moments in this book! Let me also take a moment to applaud this version of Cinderella. Sevic ties in elements on the Cinderella story, lost shoe and evil stepmother included, while putting everything in a modern-day setting. I loved that she set up the next two books by making Ariel and Belle active parts of this story. But what I ultimately loved most of all in this version is that Cindy saves herself. PJ was just along for the ride. Yes, he helps her, encourages her, and becomes a major part of her life, but Cindy's "freedom" is of her own doing. The Things I Didn't Love Nothing. Absolutely Nothing. What Else You Should Know YOU NEED TO READ THIS BOOK! The romance is hot, the story is fun, and the writing with a thing of humorous beauty. Sevic has two other books in this series (so far, I don't know if she plans on doing any more). At The Stroke of Midnight is followed by Belle’s story, In Bed With The Beast, and Ariel’s story, Kiss The Girl, being released in September 2018. I obviously one-clicked fast as lighting on Belle’s story, which is equally delightful. If these women were your best friends, Cindy would bail you out of jail, Belle would be there to give you a hug and a muffin, and Ariel would be there right along with you, bringing the knife to the fight. Read these books and revel in the amazing. They do not disappoint. Favorite Quotes “Fourteen? Jesus, no wonder we, as a gender, are so fucked up. It’s been stuffed down our throats since we were born that it’s completely normal to find the man of your dreams when you’re a child, and you’re pretty much a freak of nature and an old maid if you haven’t found him by the time you’re seventeen.” “I see you. I hear you. And I’m sorry,” he [PJ] whispers. “Sorry! Shit. I was trying to be all cool and rip these fuckers [panties] off you, but Jesus Christ what are they made out of, steel?” He mutters in annoyance, looking down at us. I’m attracted to his confidence in me. I’m attracted to the way he challenges me and pushes me to be the person I want to be. “You couldn’t find my clit with a flashlight and Google Maps!” View all my reviews

[maryofone]

Guido Fetish

We all experience joy in our own way and I still can’t believe how much of it I get from Jersey Shore. This year has brought a pleasant surprise by way of the Jersey Shore Family Vacation Reunion Special. I had officially run out of excuses to re-watch the original five seasons, so this reunion is like a godsend.

First let me explain the depth of my love for this show. When it first came out a decade ago I started watching it ironically. I thought it might be funny to get baked and see what the guidos had to say. But I figured it would mostly be trash. By the end of the day I’d binged like five episodes or something. It wasn’t like I’d immediately declared a genuine love for the show. It was still a fucking nasty spectacle that I was half-ashamed to even be watching. But the merits of the show were working their magic on me rapidly with each episode, and before I knew it I was a full blown superfan. Similar to the obsessive love I’ve had for other TV shows (cough cough The Office cough Kroll Show) but I actually took it one step further with Jersey Shore.

“The time couldn’t have came more perfect.”

During the worst year of my life (2011 hiyooo) I attempted a series of remedies to quell my crushing heartache, and a lot of those remedies were artistic. Writing, painting, paper-maché-ing, and my favourite that year… Christmas gift making. While I was desperate to focus on something that wasn’t my freshly minced heart, I was also slightly desperate to find an excuse for watching every season of Jersey Shore again. Come Christmas time these two goals dovetailed and I thought of the idea to make a calendar for each my friends and family. A calendar of Jersey Shore quotes. Not related to Christmas in the slightest, but who gives a shit. Not only would this give me the perfect excuse to re-watch every episode of the show with laser focus, but it would also make one hell of a fucking calendar because no one on earth is more quotable than the cast of Jersey Shore.

“It smells like hot sweat and regret in here.”

A lot of people don’t understand the magic of Jersey Shore because they just look and sound like a bunch of obnoxious assholes. Especially 10 years ago when the masses had yet to be really acquainted with guido culture. The only glimpse of a hardcore millennial guido I’d had prior to Jersey Shore was of those kids on Growing Up Gotti, and they seemed pretty fucking obnoxious so one look at Pauly D’s hair and I assumed he’d annoy me just the same. I did not expect him to steal my fucking heart. He’s not the only pleasant surprise though. The whole cast is worth falling in love with.

“I never once said I never not liked you.”

I believe there’s a specific equation for what makes the cast of Jersey Shore so magical. The first part is their accent. For as long as I can remember I’ve just fucking lived for a Jersey accent. There’s just something about it that will forever be pleasing to my ears. The vibe of a Jersey accent is somehow sexy and ridiculous at the same time. Is that combination even possible? Anyway the next part of the equation is the Italian of it all. The intense pride for the country and the culture and the family. Everything is about family all the time. Even 10 years ago when the Shore cast were all in their 20s, giving themselves alcohol poisoning and fucking strangers every night, they would still all sit down for family dinner on Sunday. It was so fucking charming it made you look past their otherwise nasty behaviour, and kind of love them. Italians also speak with a lot of conviction around how people should and shouldn’t act. So when you combine this Italian-style conviction with the Jersey accent and a borderline-lethal amount of alcohol, you get the best and worst nuggets of life advice you will ever hear. Hence why I made the calendar.

“I’m in Miami. I don’t want girls studying for finals, I want girls studying for dick.”

My love for the overall vibe of Jersey Shore has crystallized into a pretty real crush on Pauly D. My crush used to be on Vinny, who’s like the gateway guido. He’s a nice, easy introduction into guido culture because he doesn’t have any crazy extreme style to him and just seems like a polite, rational, well-mannered guy. But ultimately my heart lies with Pauly D and that iconically ridiculous hairstyle. Once you look past the hyper guido DJ image, he’s got this really warm, kind, playful vibe that seems like a fucking blast to be around. And a body covered in tattoos that won’t fucking quit. Lastly, and most importantly, he’s so fucking hilarious that everything he says turns into a catchphrase. He even made the phrase “cabs are here!” famous, for god’s sake. There are millions of people across America who will scream “cabs are heeyah!!” tonight, and it’s all because of Pauly D. Dude’s a catchphrase tastemaker.  I say “yeeeah BUDDY” at least once a day and I think of him every single time.

“Don’t let the spiked hair fool you, I’m not a bitch.”

No big life lessons here today. Just wanted to express a little gratitude for my favourite show on earth coming back into my life with a reunion. AND for my friend mentioning that he’s never watched the show before so I have an excuse to re-watch all five seasons all over again. Who says obsessive mental disorders can’t be fun?

[polis-fandom]

The Last Jedi thoughts

It’s been a week and I’m still on the fence with this movie. Everytime I think I’m getting over the disappointment and starting to enjoy what was good there, I come across some review that’s like “THIS IS THE GREATEST STAR WARS MOVIE EVERRRR!!! ABSOLUTELY BREATHTAKING!” and it flares up again. I feel like I’m in the Gombrowicz’s tale, “how is it breathtaking, when it’s not breathtaking?! how is it beautiful, when it’s not beautiful? how is Rian Johnson a great director, when he’s the worst one since George Lucas?”. I need to get away from any discourse about this movie, or I’ll end up hating it. And it doesn’t deserve my hatred, because it’s not really a bad movie.

Bitter Me: *whispers* Luke Skywalker.

Me:

So I’ll just put my feelings here and move on. Under the cut, ‘cause lots of spoilers and overhelming bitterness, tho nothing new, others said all that already, so ignore as you wish.

“Star Wars: A New Hope” was the first movie I watched in cinema. No, I mean the remastered version from 1997, I’m not that old. But, yeah, Star Wars were the movies of my childhood, and are still among my favourite stories ever. After surviving the rocky Prequel Trilogy during my teenage years, I was excited to be brought back to the universe, and while The Force Awakens was redundant as far as the storyline goes, it won me over with the visuals. I made a conscious decision not to get attached to any of the new characters, because I felt there wasn’t enough to know about them. Besides, in the past Luke Skywalker didn’t became my favourite character until the second movie, so I figured I had the time to fall in love with them until I saw more.

Nice Me: Look at this one, he’s played by your favourite actor.

Bitter Me: That one is garbage.

Bitter Me: I’ll just wait to see the whole story. Maybe others will do something extra.

Nice Me: Like what? Blow up the Starkiller Base? Risk their life to save friends? Talk to Darth Vader’s helmet?

Bitter Me: Lose a limb.

(Btw, did you notice the advancement of the medical treatment in Last Jedi? The guy gets slashed through the back and wakes up mere days later just fine, other barely gets a scar…

Bitter Me: at least they are consistent with that.)

So, going in to see the Last Jedi, I had open mind, no expectations for the story, because Star Wars - aka the series that always makes it to the top of the lists of biggest plot twists ever - and I knew nothing besides what was shown in the trailer. And yet, I made one mistake. I saw someone’s tweet about how it’s the best Star Wars movie since the Empire…

Bitter Me: …and then I spent first hour trying to understand, where did this guy saw that greatness, because it just wasn’t there.

I’ve got the biggest gripes with the editing, cinematography, and directing in general. You see, this series, however bad the movies were, they at least were visually stunning. They had certain style and flow - despite all the action, there were always slower scenes, a bit more nostalgic, giving you time to soak up the visuals and feel the emotion. Johnson fails at that repeatedly. The edit at the beging is very rushed, the scenes chopped, and set-up of some could’ve been better. Even Ahch-too, which was amazingly shot in previous film, here becomes a more of clustered and claustrophobic set.

Nice Me: But there are some magnificient shots. The admiral Holdo launching into hyperspace - absolutely beautiful. The pretorian guards fight - one of the best lightsabers fights. The Crait scenes with crystals and everything.  

Bitter Me: which just angers me more, because if he’s capable of pulling of shots like that, why the whole movie isn’t equally beautiful???

Nice Me: But the Leia in vacuum scene starts beautiful too. I’m ecstatic that we finally have an undisputed proof that Leia is not only force sensitive, but she actually mastered the use of it. It would have been really interesting to see more of her in the next movie, might she have become a teacher Rey needs...

Nice Me:…but then the latter half of that scene is shot in such a way, it comes of as silly and utterly dumb. The guy is just bad at showing visions.

Nice Me: Breath. Just breath.

Bitter Me: …that one was horribly edited.

Nice Me: But the scene at dark place at AhchToo was impressive…

Bitter Me: …as a trick shot with no substance that leads to nowhere. He could have used some of that creative visuals for the Force Skype scenes, they were edited in such bland manner…

Nice Me: …you’re complaining about that because it reminded you of Alina and Darkling having identical force bond in Grisha, down to the shirtless scene…

Bitter Me:… as bad as that was, Bardugo at least gave a good explanation of how it was possible.

Nice Me: Snoke did it.

Bitter Me: I recognize the narrative need to create such connection between them, I just think it could have been done in a more artistic way visually.

Bitter Me: Rian is praised for the daring and innovative writing of this movie. And yet the main plot can be summed as: they are evacuating the rebel resistance base, escape - but not far, cause they can’t enter hyperspace, so they sneak into evil ship and try to turn off tracking beam, and then seek hidding on a nearby planet. Yep, I’ve never seen a star wars movie with a plot like that.

Bitter Me: So what’s so daring here? destroying all the symbols of the star wars franchise? Making Luke grumpy and acting against his very core?

Bitter Me: Look, I’m not so much against making Luke a space hobo hermit, who no longer wants to train Jedi, it‘s possible to have such turn after you tried and failed. But I have everything against Luke trying to murder Ben, because he’s too powerful and tempted to the dark side. Luke did everything he could to save his father, who was far deeper on the Dark side. Luke was himself tempted by it, and resisted it. Luke would have done everything to save Ben, but he would not draw a lightsaber on him…

Nice Me: But he says it was a flitting feeling, just a moment of weakness, he regrets deeply…

Bitter Me: What exactly young Ben Solo had done to lead Luke to even consider such an act? We are only told the dark side was rising in him, and that’s sounds vague as hell.

Look, The Star Wars at it’s core were a story about hope - that there’s good even in a bad person, about redemption, and unwavering familial love. Luke was the embodiment of that, and that scene goes directly against it.

If he so insist on having such a drastic turn for Luke, he should’ve made us understand, how did it happen. We should’ve seen more of young Ben Solo, and their dynamic prior to the break. It would serve both their characters and story overall better than this cheap shot for the shock value, so we, like Rey, would cry: You have created Kylo Ren???

But, honestly, if Rian is oh-so-clever and daring writer, he could’ve come up with a better, more complex backstory for Luke and Ben’s breakdown.

Bitter Me: and besides Luke’s arc here? The big lesson he learns? „the real great master let’s his students grow beyond him.” That’s such a simple one, so obvious, it’s dumb and annoying, not worthy to be Luke’s final arc. He was wiser than that. Luke was never about being great and powerful, he rejected offers to became such through dark side, he left his jedi training because his friends were more important to him. Why would he be afraid of his student becoming more powerful than him?

Nice Me: But Luke is great. Like when he says „what do you expect me to do? show up and wave my lightsaber, and they will all run off scared?”, he might be mocking the heroic ways and everyone’s expectations, but if you look back, he achieved his biggest win in the Original Trilogy by tossing asside the lightsaber and refusing to fight.

Bitter Me: …and then he goes and does excatly, what he mocked: shows up, wave the lightsaber and scare off the pesky First Order.

Nice Me: And it was EPIC! And the shoulder brush! hilarious!

Bitter Me: yeah, yeah. Btw, was that their first meeting since Luke tried to murder Ben? so he just like that, shows up, mocks Kylo’s powerlessness, fights him and then promises to forceghost hunt him for eternity?

Nice Me: What do you want him to do?

Bitter Me: …I don’t know, APOLOGIZE for trying to murder him?

Nice Me: fine, but this is still about redemption and love and hope. Rose says: That’s how we’re gonna win. Not fighting what we hate, saving what we love. It’s a great quote.

Bitter Me: Then who is saving Kylo? whose there left to love him? Rey, walking off on him, closing door on him? Leia, giving up on him, saying we need to kill him? What mother would say something like that? Leia would say something like that? The princess who was always compassionate, and hugging everyone around? Who spent all the previous film insisting on bringing Ben back?

Nice Me: She says it in a tone that suggests she’s not believing it herself. like she’s trying to convince herself, because others expect that of her, because he’s a threat to them all. And Luke counters it immedietly.

Bitter Me: …It’s still there.

Nice Me: …and there’s still third movie. The story is in progress.

Nice Me: At least Snoke is dead. That was GREAT. He always felt like this unnecessary ouside evil force, that people can conveniently blame for all the bad things done, just kill him and everythings gonna be bright and shiny again. By removing him so early, they made way and time to explore more complex evil inside us, err, characters, or harder to spot like the riches benefiting from the ongoing war. That’s a nice storytelling turn.

Nice Me: And Rey as a random nobody is a joy for my heart, because I’m a bit done with Chosen One trope, where hero’s been destinated for heroics on the qualms of being born a prince or noble or someone powerful. I’ve had hard times connecting with such characters, because I myself never felt born special.

(Bitter Me: Then how did you end up liking Luke, the very icon of Chosen One trope?

Nice Me: Loss of the limb.)

Bitter Me: okay, but that was only told to us, just like Rey’s vision of Kylo’s future. Told, not shown. I mean, given how bad Rian is at visions, it would be cringey, but still it’s a movie, use the visuals to convey the information. Not everything needs to be telegraphed, did we really need that guy liking the rocks on Crait to know it’s salt? Who cares it’s salt? That was distracting.

Nice Me: …that was to bring the attention to the footprint…

Bitter Me: …the big zoom on it did that just fine. The joke was unnecesary.

Bitter Me: Actually half the jokes were unnecessary. The humour was crude, often misplaced and under cutting the drama of the scenes. They say it was needed to balance out the dark themes this movie deals with, but in my opinion the previous movies dealt with the same dark drama, and yet used humour in a less forced nor cynical way. Some say it felt more like a Marvel movie, and true, that’s how it felt.

Nice Me:…but you loved Thor Ragnarok - for it’s humour exactly.

Bitter Me: one, Thor used humour with better placement and sense of purpose, didn’t try to undercut the emotional impact of the scenes with it. Two, it was a Marvel movie - you expect such humour, because that’s their style. Going to the Star Wars you expect Star Wars - great visuals, action scenes, emotions, feelings, not disgusting alien cow. It’s anti-climatic.

Besides, why are we so ashemed of pure emotions and drama, that we need to undercut it with gags and jokes? why there must be a wink, „yeah, we did this serious scene, but we’re not sure we got it good enough, people might mock us for it, better mock ourselves first.” For gods sake, dare to be honest. If it’s serious, heroic, epic, let it be such!

Nice Me: The latter half of the movie was great, tho. Rey using force in non-combat way to move rocks and save friends, nice way to turn joke around into something beautiful. All of them coming together on Millenium Falcon board. Luke’s death with the suns setting, making nice parallel to the sunset at Tatooine long ago at the begining of his journey. That last scene about the power of storytelling, I cried a little, it was so moving…

Bitter Me: … the storytelling about what? Self-righteous jedi deciding who is worthy of forgivness or chance for redemption, and who to finish off while they’re still a kid and asleep? About mothers giving up on their sons? About destroying everything that once was sacred, stripping it of the value? It’s all clever writting, but without understanding the soul of the Star Wars, without keeping it’s core sacred, it came of shallow.

Nice Me: shhh, calm down. It’s just a movie.

Bitter Me: How did we come to the Star Wars being just a movie? just a story? quite ironic, in the context of that ending scene.

Magic is gone.

Nice Me: Come on, Let’s watch it again, maybe you’ll like it better. There’s a cute orange murderball...

Bitter Me: …and my fave actor gets trashed around. Fine, let’s watch it again.

[jolangley]

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It has been more than a year, but it seems to be so much longer. I miss you all with all of my heart. Although we didn’t always get along perfectly all the time, I will miss our adventures, our laughter, and our parties. We each had our own quirckyness to us, and together, we made up a class that of course had our downfalls, but for the most part, we were perfect together. Never before have I been able to say that each and every person from a group (especially this size) was like a sibling to me. Colossians 3:12-14 says “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”

Anna– I remember when I first came to Heritage in eighth grade, I often mixed you and Alexis up. It became quite clear all too soon which name you went with. You’re such a sweet, spunky, and funny, yet you are often mistaken for a quiet girl. “She’s a nice girl, someone I would like to be friends with if I knew how.” ― Rebecca Starford. I always knew from the start that I wanted to be friends with you, but, being the socially awkward bee that I am, I waited until senior year to really get to know you, which was a huge mistake! 😦 I love you very much, Anna Banana. Isaiah 41:10 says “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Bryce– Seeing you and Bryant interact was always one of my favorite things. You two were my favorite bromance (closely followed by Donny and Andre). I love how you were, and continue to be, consistent in the Lord. I see that in your life; keep it up. Carl W. Buechner said “They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.” In times where you don’t know what to say to someone, remember to treat them with love. I’m going to leave you with Psalm 120:1, which says “In my distress I called to the Lord, and he answered me.” #AllGloryToGod

“I have fallen in love with the stories of our lives, our everyday mythologies. How will they unfold? What will become of us?” ― D.J. MacLennan

Caleb– If I were to be asked to describe you in one word, I don’t think I would be able to. Multiple words come to mind when I think of you. Spunk, personality, and humor are just a few of the many. “Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.” Oprah Winfrey. You would defiantly take the bus with any of your friends. Keep that up. “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Donny– “He never, even in the most casual conversation with friends, spoke a sentence which did not sound as if it was ready for the air.”  ― David Halberstam. It’s true. You always seem to say the right thing at the right time with confidence. Whether that be a witty remark or a kind word, you always seemed to know what others wanted or needed to hear. You are quite hilarious with your long, lanky self. I will miss you and your bromance with Andre. Exodus 15:2 says “The LORD is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation; this is my God, and I will praise him, my father’s God, and I will exalt him.” Your voice is amazing. I always loved it when you would randomly burst into song with others.

Bryant– Preeti Shenoy once said “I was thankful for tiny blessings that came in the form of friends.”  I could not agree more. I knew you to be loyal. Your relationship with any of your friends can and will prove that. Keep it up, and never lose sight of God’s plans for you, because with God, you will go so much farther than you could ever have gone without him. Remember what Isaiah 40:29 says: “He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.” Life will have ups and downs, and I have full confidence that you will only look to God for your strength. #AllGloryToGod

“You are engaging in madness. I feel obliged to accompany you.” ― Alejandro Jodorowsky

Samwise– Sam, Sam, Sam. “I know what it’s like not to have friends. People need friends. Life’s not much fun without them.” ― Michelle Harrison. One of four, you are. I will always remember doing backstage with you and Rach. Watching our fourth out on the stage, I remember we would be able to recite lines and songs along with Ryan. 10, 20, and 30+ minute almost silent intervals split by 30 seconds of hectic craziness was always so much fun. I remember sophomore year we were stage crew for Tom Sawyer. At one point, Ryan, who was Injun Joe, had to fall off the dock (which was part of the cave *wink wink*). We had to have the blue mats down and be there for him when he fell. During one of the rehearsals, he fell and we were both sitting there looking at him. After he was done “yelling”, he looked up at us, started laughing and said “…..Ow?” This was all on stage left……….we were stage right, so we had to book it back to stage right. Hopefully you never forget that you have your friends when you go through something hard. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” God has you in the palm of His hand.

Matt– Ahhh Macbeth. The late night of scurring around, filming, and putting everything together and Biggby the next day was what some might call “fun” (please pick up on the partial sarcasm). Our group was great, though. I remember we showed up at Ryan’s house while he was still at basketball practice. Listening to Brother Bear in your car with Hope was pretty awesome. 😛 Even though that last night was hectic to say the least, I will always look back on that project with fondness. Deuteronomy 31:6 says “Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” You are an amazing speaker. I hope you know that. Remember that Sunday on the senior trip when Anna and Gavin got lost? Yeah, you spoke that night, and I recorded you. I still have that voice recording. You would be an amazing pastor.

Hopey– “If you’re alone, I’ll be your shadow. If you want to cry, I’ll be your shoulder. If you want a hug, I’ll be your pillow. If you need to be happy, I’ll be your smile… But anytime you need a friend, I’ll just be me.”- Unknown. This quote is so YOU, my dear Hope. It wasn’t really acting for you when you played the Fairy Godmother in Cinderella, which is a good thing. You are witty, smart, and such a sweetie. I love how you are so close with God. I totally see God through your joy-filled life. Remember that God is always with you, my Moriarty. “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me;  your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” Psalm 23:4

“I am glad you are here with me. Here at the end of all things, Sam.” ― J.R.R. Tolkien

Kowalski– Your friendship is treasured by all who has possession of it. I love your sense of humor and all of your witty comments. Know that you have a rearview mirror in life for a reason. Remember your time at Heritage and never give up on your friends that you made their. Helen Keller once said “Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.” I hope you remember that when life gets dark. “I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13. Let’s continue to make good memories together, huh?

Hannah– “What goes best with a cup of coffee? Another cup.” – Henry Rollins. Often that other cup comes with a friend. I loved hearing about all your coffee trips with Gabi and them. You’re such a sweet girl, and I love you so much. I sorely wish I had gotten to now you better than I had. You always seemed to have your life together. I miss seeing how close you and your friends were. Hopefully you guys stay that close, and even grow closer in the Lord. Psalm 29:11 says “The Lord gives his people strength. The Lord blesses them with peace.” Remember to lean on Him for your strength, Hannah! ♥

Nia– Oh Nia. Where do I start? You and your loud sneezes. 🙂 We always noticed when you were and weren’t in class. English with Mickley was always fun with you around. You knew what you wanted. Others did too. “Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend.” – Albert Camus. We wouldn’t walk in front of you. We wouldn’t dare. 😉 If anything, you were walking in front of us. I love and miss you, Nia Moore. Romans 8:24-25 says “For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.” My prayer for you is that you will never forget who you are living your life for.

“Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it’s all over.” – Gloria Naylor

Calvin– “There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.” ― Linda Grayson. Remember when you brought the spicy chocolate? If you had been at Heritage for senior year, you probably would have gotten Class Clown for mock elections. I remember one time in eighth grade, Mrs. Thompson made a bet with you. If you made it though the whole day without talking, she would have owed you $2. (That much, right?) You made it to lunch. What had started it was that during her class, the rest of us claimed that we were acting up because you started the whole shenanigans, and she wanted to test this theory out. We were right. 🙂 I will leave you with John 16:22, which reads, “So also you have sorrow now, but I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you.”

Andre– Henry David Thoreau once said that “the language of friendship is not words but meanings.” From the first time I met you just before senior year started to the times I see you at KVCC, I knew and continue to know that you are quite real. Even if you are just hiding behind something, which I doubt you are, I instantly knew you were made of friendship material. You have a warm, welcoming aura that you give off. Never let that light die, Andre. “Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.” Hebrews 4:1

Riley– I hope you know that we all were there for you during your sickness, and still are. I love how strong you were through it. I heard you are playing baseball for KVCC either now, in the past, or in the spring. I’m glad to hear that you are able to do the sport you love. Shumila Shah said “Coal that bears that pressure meets a diamond.” It has been good to see you come out of everything with God’s strength. I’m sure any one of us would be willing to help if you ever needed anything. “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.“ 2 Corinthians 12:9, 10

“Sweet is the memory of distant friends! Like the mellow rays of the departing sun, it falls tenderly, yet sadly, on the heart.” – Washington Irving

Emmers– I always loved playing soccer with you, dear. It seemed that whenever there was a tough player, you or your sister got put on them. We as a team could always count on you as a teammate. You always seemed so confident in everything you did. Whether or not you felt confident, you didn’t let anything get in your way. “The secret is to believe in your dreams; in your potential that you can be like your star, keep searching, keep believing and don’t lose faith in yourself.” – Neymar. Never give up on what you want to do. “Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6

Shelbs– “Think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another steppingstone to greatness.”- Oprah Winfrey. You are a piece of art, my friend. I admire your strong will and loving heart. I remember that in English class with Mickley, you would always get the books like the two of us, which were the books that were falling apart. 😀  “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” John 14:27 Never forget that no matter how strong you are, that you always need other people. That is what the church is for. I’m always here for you, Shelbs.

Rach– I remember a time freshman year in Beck’s class, we had to make a pizza box game. We were partners. You came over to my house to work on it, and I offered you something to drink. You took me up on some tea. Being the lazy butt that I am, I just heated up water in the coffee maker. That was a mistake, especially since you don’t like coffee. Your tea tasted like coffee at least a little. I knew because when you took a sip, you had a disappointed look on your face, and that was the last of the tea drinking for you that night. Our friendship was at the beginning, so you didn’t say anything, but I knew because we are telepathic. ♥ Clifton Fadiman once said this: “One measure of friendship consists not in the number of things friends can discuss, but in the number of things they need no longer mention.” I could go on forever about us, so I will leave you with Psalm 27:1, which says “The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid?”

“There is magic in long-distance friendships. They let you relate to other human beings in a way that goes beyond being physically together and is often more profound.” – Diana Cortes

Kat– I always loved your quiet but sassy spirit. You’re a gem worth keeping in a safe, my dear.  “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.” Romans 15:13. I never understood how amazing you truly are. Anyone who has had the great pleasure of meeting you is indeed blessed. I have heard many stories of you from Rachel. Keep the Lord with you at all times. “And though she be but little, she is fierce.” – Shakespeare.

Lex– “Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” – Marcel Proust. I always knew I could count on you to be there with a smile and a good word. You were a great Annie in Annie Get Your Gun. I remember that, during one of the later showings, you and Micah had an actual ‘dual’ with the “Anything You Can Do” song. For some reason Ms. Moore was not happy and came back stage, I think. James 1:12 says that “blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.”  Let yourself feel all emotions, but never let them consume you so much that they drown the others out. Continue on with your lovely, encouraging, and all around amazing spirit.

Kyle– “Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy!” Psalm 126:5. Enjoy the good times and be joyful in the bad. Never let the bad out way the joy that you have in the Lord. Remember that one time I wanted to wear your jersey for Fall Frenzy? Yeah let’s not talk about the shirt thing I tried to make. #shudder “It’s best to have an old friend far away, than a new friend nearby that makes you question your care.” ~Shanna Rodriguez All of the times together makes for great stories, memories, and friends. Don’t you ever give those up, but don’t be afraid to make new friends wherever you go.

“A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.” – Bernard Meltzer

Gav– Just wondering if you could answer a question of mine. I was contemplating how to spell eagles. Could you help me? 🙂  “…and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” Romans 5:5 Don’t forget to draw upon the stories you may wish to forget, for those are often the best stories. They draw new people in and keeps the old friends at least partially because it humanizes you. It gives you a background. A history. A past. Imperfection. “Beautiful memories are like old friends. They may not always be on your mind, but they are forever in your heart.” ~Susan Gale. Never forget your time with us, friend. I surely wish we will all get together at some point. True hope never disappoints.

Gabs– 1 Peter 5:7 says “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” Don’t give up on God because he will never give up on you. His love for you is unconditional and overflowing. Let that love come out in your life, like I know you are capable of and have seen in your life. Continue to love life, friends, and coffee. I have missed you, my friend. someone said that “laughter and craziness will never be forgotten because the people behind these are unforgettable.” Remember to forget the unnecessary parts of life and to remember all that you know to be good and right in the world. Stick by your friends and stick even closer to what you believe in. I love you very much and I wish we made way more memories together than we have.

Rye Bread– You have always been like an older brother to me and Rachel. There was that time freshman year, but we don’t need to be bringing that up. 😉 Whenever you realized Rach or I was down, you would always try to pick us up……sometimes literally.  😛  “A friend knows the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails.”– Donna Roberts. Let’s keep in touch, ok? Romans 12:12 says “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.” Remember that whenever you’re going through a hard time, God will never fail you. You may not like the way he’s going about it, but he knows what he’s doing. Keep up your brotherly spirit, mah friend!

“A strong friendship doesn’t need daily conversation or being together. As long as the relationship lives in the heart, true friends never part.” — Anonymous

Macy– Psalm 73:26 says “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Keep it up, girly. I don’t know how you do it. Your strength in God is so admirable. Even though you have had such a difficult life Macy, your heart is at least 5x as big as mine. John Holmes said that “There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up.” Only through the strength of Christ, you have lifted up so many more people than you realize. My prayer for you is that you live life to the fullest in Christ. May you keep going strong, Macy!

Kels– Once upon a time, you were the evil step-mother to Cinderella. In an alternate universe, you were a sick friend. This storyline happens to be before Hope moved. A group of us were at Hope’s house, and we decided to pay you a visit to show our love. 😉 We walked over to your house and knocked on the basement window. As I remember it, you were a little startled. “Never leave a friend behind. Friends are all we have to get us through this life–and they are the only things from this world that we could hope to see in the next.”  ― Dean Koontz. You wouldn’t leave anyone behind, my dear. I firmly believe that, and you should continue in that practice, because “there is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” 1 John 4:18

As you continue forward on your path, remember that you have a rearview mirror for a reason. “A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.” Ephesians 6:10. Do not be afraid to help or be helped. Continue to make memories with your friends from years past, and also strive for new relationships and new memories as well. “The further you go, the more you’re going to need the people you started with.” – Code Black. I love ya’ll with all of my heart. “A strong friendship doesn’t need daily conversation or being together. As long as the relationship lives in the heart, true friends never part.” — Anonymous

To the Class of 2016 Eagles It has been more than a year, but it seems to be so much longer. I miss you all with all of my heart.

[simonnricketts]

We happy few

I wanted to share this story. It's quite a personal story, so might not appeal to everyone, but I wanted to get it down.

My dad, Bryan, died in September 2006, aged 59. Pretty suddenly. Without any real warning.

Don't worry, this is a happy story. I promise. But we need the context first. That was the sad bit.

Dad had always said that, when his time came, he wanted his ashes scattered at the top of Tryfan - a distinctive-looking mountain in Snowdonia, North Wales. We had climbed it many times together and it had become a kind of touchstone for us.

We mentioned this fact in his funeral service and we also mentioned that my older brother Howard and I were planning to take him up that mountain.

(By the way, if you're ever passing, you can't miss it. It kind of broods in the low cloud off the A5 and looks like a massive half-buried dinosaur, with its spiny, bristly backbone poking up into the sky.)

Anyway, after the funeral, having a beer in Dad's favourite pub with all the mourners, conversation turned to Tryfan. Something extraordinary happened. Seven men - pretty much one by one - approached us over time and told us, quite firmly: "We are coming with you to take your Dad up that hill."

Who were those seven men?

Well, we need to rewind a tiny bit. Actually, a big bit. To my childhood.

As an endlessly inquisitive and probably annoying kid, my parents decided a good use of my time - and a blessed relief for them - would be for me to join the cub scouts. And, because my brother was older, and so he didn't miss out, he could join the scouts.

We immediately loved all things involved with being a cub or a scout. The outdoor activities, the knots, the knives, the fires, the sense of common purpose, the trips and adventures, the camping. It suited us two council house kids right down to the groundsheet.

As I moved up to the scouts to join my brother, Dad would sometimes pop along to meetings or camps and see what we were up to. Terrible mistake, as anyone who has ever been involved in voluntary organisations will tell you. Before he had the chance to say "Be prepared" he was cajoled into becoming a helper.

And not too long after that, before he had the chance to say "Wait a bloody minute" he was installed as the scout leader. My old man - leading a bunch of unruly, spotty lads out on camps and holidays, through night hikes and climbing expeditions, down rivers and up valleys. It was odd for me to get used to at first - my Dad, the bloke who only ever went into the garden with a heavy sigh, was striding about, kitted up in outdoor clothing, pointing a stick in the direction of a place that he figured a tent should be pitched, while simultaneously pointing an accusatory roll-up cigarette at whichever boy who was lagging behind.

And he loved it. He revelled in it. He got a kick out of thinking up exciting and challenging things for the scouts to do - and he delighted in the joy us boys derived from the adventures.

The lads loved him. His occasionally irascible, often hilarious, moods, would only serve for us to band together and laugh, rebel a little bit, and yet be pleased he was the leader.

My Mum, too, got a lot out of it. Let's be honest, it meant all three men in the house were out of her hair for chunks of time - which must have been a relief - but I know she enjoyed seeing us off, seeing us back, and (not so much) wearily working through the washing that we brought back with us.

Stick with me, we're nearly at the end of the 'flashback' bit.

When you get too old for scouts, you can go to the Venture Scouts (or you could then). In our area, there were a couple of Venture Scout Units (VSUs) - but they didn't feel very welcoming. There was also a feeling that many of us scouts wanted to stick together, not go off to another unit. Perhaps some of them would have thrived, perhaps not.

Enter a guy called Jon Cook, a Venture Scout himself, a few years older than us, who had come along to help Dad run the scouts. Somehow - I don't quite know how - they cooked up a plan."Let's launch our own Venture Scout Unit. We can keep these scouts together, make a little bit of history, and have a lot of fun being in charge."

So they did that. They started Alpha VSU. The nickname - pretty sure Dad came up with this - was 'The Dung Beetles'. And they welcomed the first group of members.

So, eight young men became the inaugural members. My brother Howard, of course. And then Richard Brandon, the twins David and Paul Campbell, Steve Good, Simon McGlen, Lee Roberts and Paul Wright.

(I wasn’t an inaugural member - I was younger than those guys)

I think it's fair to say those ensuing years were among their best. Young men, forging forward, growing up, learning what it was that made them tick, safe in the bonds of a tight group, able to make mistakes, willing to accept others. All led by Dad, riding side-saddle with Jon Cook - that mercurial, ever-curious, smiling, benevolent lunatic.

You're ahead of me, aren't you? You've worked out who the men were who wanted to take my Dad "up the hill".

Yep - it's seven of those eight founder members. The Dung Beetles. (Steve Good fell off our radar, despite our best efforts to find him. If you ever read this, Steve, we still wonder how you are. We'd love to hear from you).

So, on a May bank holiday weekend in 2007 (we had to wait for the winter to be over) those men congregated in North Wales. They came from all over the country and assembled at the foot of Tryfan.

We were joined by some friends and family - I remember Mum carried Dad's ashes for a section of the walk to the base of the mountain - and we climbed that beast. All of us less fit and less agile than before. All of us breathing just a little bit harder than was strictly good for us.

But we got him up there - led by Jon. My brother and I sprinkled Dad’s ashes at the peak of the mountain, splashed it with some whisky, and we all drank a toast.

After descending, we spent the evening in the local pub, sharing stories, remembering the old days, and comparing injuries.

(Sorry for poor quality pic. I should note that Jackie - Jon’s wife - was also with us. And outclimbed us all.)

You know that line in City Slickers? "What was your best day? What was your worst day?" - Well, mine was that day. The same day. Still bereft at losing my Dad so suddenly, heavy with sadness at taking his ashes to their final resting place. But utterly brimming with pride that we were doing it - with those guys completely committed to the act. I knew then, and I noted it with a smile, that Dad would have found the whole thing acutely embarrassing and yet an amazingly powerful tribute to him.

That's the end of the flashback. Do the wavy hands and arms thing.

We're in 2017 now. I recently had to announce, annoyingly, that I am ill. Many old friends have been in touch. Including all those Dung Beetles. A tiny plan was hatched.

This week, on a May bank holiday weekend. Almost exactly 10 years since we hauled our sorry arses up that mountain, we all met again.

It wasn't as much of a quest – it was in the much easier surroundings of a Euston pub, granted - but we decided this challenge should mainly involve beer, laughter and the search for a good curry.

All seven turned up. All of them. And so did Jon. 10 years later.

Among that group, there is a former soldier turned policeman, a paramedic who has spent years on air ambulances, a youth worker who works with disadavantaged children, small business owners, an electrical engineer, a train driver, and a guy who has spent a lot of his time being the 'eyes' for a blind adventurer who has driven race cars, parachuted, climbed mountains and all that kind of nonsense.

You can see why I'm proud to be associated with them, can't you? You can see how elastic these bonds are? The shorthand is immediate, the laughs are instinctive, the sense of belonging will never, ever go away.

That night was a flag in the ground for me, a marking of time passing but also of a time so fondly remembered. I had to write about it.

I found myself taking a mental snapshot. All of us, on the same patch of earth again, chatting like nothing had changed, yet also knowing that so much had.

And every minute I was with them, I couldn't get this Shakespeare quote out of my head. The one from Henry V.

"We few, we happy few. We band of brothers"

[mrneighbourlove]

A Gerudo Story: Tebanem and Klinge.

Klinge toured the castle halls. He enjoyed the small walks he could have on his own around the castle interior, taking in the grandness of it all. So much history over the generations, personal included as well, in every inch. His concentration, however, was broken by two young men running around the corner, one of them smashing into him and falling into the floor.

Keeping his balance from the crash and looking down Klinge saw Prince Tebanam on the floor, and a son of a court member if Klinge recalled, panicking from the collision.

“Ow, that really hurt.”

“Tebanam, are you alright?!”

Klinge screamed internally from potentially harming the prince but kept steady. Tebanam was such a care free lad, and Klinge enjoyed how the prince took great interest in Gerudo history. If he unintentionally hurt him he would never forgive himself.

“Prince Tebanam, you are not hurt are you sir?”

“I’m fine Commander. Sorry for running into you.”

“You can address me as just Klinge Prince Tebanam. No need for ‘Commander’.”

“Then in return how about we just leave it at Tebanam if you don’t want formalities.”

Tebanam gave the commander a smile. Klinge reached down and yanked Tebanam up to his feet.

“I’d recommend getting checked out for head wounds. Running straight into a heavy suit of armour can’t be good for you.”

“Coming from the guy whose personal training gets me and my brothers and sisters rocked around like ragdolls. I think we’ll be fine.”

The boy with the prince dusted him off with deep concern in his eyes.

“You sure you’re alright?”

“Yeah, he’s intentionally given me worse. I’ll be fine.”

“Alright, good. I need you in peak condition.”

Tebanam gave him a smile beaming with joy.

“Let’s go. And sorry for once again running into you Klinge.”

“Think nothing of it.”

Klinge watched as the two boys ran off. They had a sparkle in their eyes that brought Klinge back to a younger time in his life. Ah, the joys of youth. Klinge continued his stroll down the castle, noticing the rainbow shining through the window. Looked like the storm outside had just finished.

- 

“Lazy oaf, sending me to do something he could get in an instant.”

Klinge made his way down to the basement of the ninth tower. Ghirahim wanted him to collect a scroll of some sort from storage, insisting it was important, but not important enough to grab himself. And since the demon still outranked him, Klinge had little say in the matter on being a dog going to play fetch.  

Klinge yanked open the door to the basement and descended down the steps. He looked around some of the shelves but didn’t see any scroll. Must have been in the closet door. Opening it he came to a sudden stop. Before his eyes he saw Tebanam and the younger man from before, naked and on top of each other in passionate love making. Tebanam was thrusting up and down.

When Tebanam eyes took notice of the armoured warrior, he locked onto him with a burning primal fear exploding.

“OH MY GOD! Get out!!!”

Klinge quickly stepped outside and shut the door. He heard the panicked rushed voices coming from the two men. Klinge took a moment to process what he just saw, and, with a deep breath, knocked on the door. This would take the most careful planning of words and intention. A prince and the son of a council member engaging in sexual intercourse. The scandal would be worse than any in Hyrule’s history. Klinge tried to soften his words with his tone.

“I’m coming in about ten seconds. Get changed.”

Klinge waited a moment, and opened the door. The two young men had at least their pants on, and fumbled their way on getting their shirts on.

“Boys, calm-“

“No, you weren’t supposed to be here!”

“Lord Jazoh please-“

“No he’s right, what the hell are you doing down here!?”

“I came to get a scroll Prince Tebanam.”

Tebanam looked to his right and threw the closest piece of paper at Klinge. Tears were streaming down his face.

“There you go. Now get out!”

“Prince Tebanam I-“

“JUST GO!”

Klinge firmly shut the door and blocked the only exit out, using his large frame to keep them in.

“No.”

“Why, so I can feel more embarrassed?!”

Klinge took a softer stance. He had to let Tebanam know that there was no danger.

“Boys, there is nothing to be embarrassed about. I want you to trust me. However, I’m going to have you both just take a deep breath and calm down.”

Tebanam and Jazoh looked at each other, and did as they were told, but still had worry in their eyes. Jazoh looked at Klinge, the black knight’s presence unnerving him.

“If my father finds out about this-“

“He won’t.”

“You sure?”

“Nothing leaves this room. Tebanam, how long has this been going on for?”

“Almost a month now.”

“Why keep this a secret?”

Jazoh shuddered, barely able to stop shaking from the thought of what would happen if this got out.

“Because my father would never allow this. As a member of the court he despises the very thought.”

“I see. Rinku’s first girlfriend made Zelda have a panic attack; can imagine how those stooges in the court would burst in comparison.”

“That’s why this has been a secret. No one can find out. Not Moma, Papa, or anyone else.”

“I understand. But you both should know that the King and Queen would support you in the end. And you have my support. Love, no matter what shape, shouldn’t be something that is ridiculed and snuffed out.”

“But-“

“Follow your hearts and do what’s right. And I promise, as ex. Head of the Royal Guard, and your protector, you are safe with me.”

Klinge crossed his heart and smiled under his helmet.

“It’s our little secret.”

Tebanam gave a huge sigh of relief and hugged the Darknut, catching Klinge off guard with the sign of affection, and tears of joy starting to fall down even harder.

“Thank you. Thank you so much.”

Klinge patted him awkwardly on the back. He barely received this kind of contact anymore. It was nice though. Never having a child himself, Klinge couldn’t help but see himself as father figure sometimes. Hell, the kids even sometimes called him “Uncle Klinge” as little children. It filled him with pride to help Tebanam.

“Anytime Tebanam.”

Klinge let go, grabbed the scroll, and started to leave.

“I’ll go now. So sorry for interrupting you. And this wasn’t a bad spot to hide all things considered.”

Klinge gave small one handed salute.

“Have a fine rest of your evening gentlemen, and know you aren’t alone.”

-

Klinge exited the board room of Captains, council members and other military leaders. It had been a long meeting over the petty charade of how to integrate Lorleidian guards into noble protection units. The snotty men and woman argued and debated why they wanted pure Hylian units watching them. He turned to Captain’s Kelly and Tulilad with an angry gruff.  The insults were unbearable today. Against the Lorleidians sure, but also oddly enough a resurgence against the Gerudo.

“God damn nobles. How they are still able to come up with new insults infuriates me to no end. I am close to boiling the next fool uses his tongue in such a way. Don’t they understand that sacrifice to their pleasure must be taken to achieve success? It took so many goddamn years for them to get used to the Goblins and Undead, now we have to restart the whole damn thing over again!”

Both Captains rolled their eyes. Tulilad picked up his stride to keep up with the Commander.

“Sir, maybe you and the nobles would get along more if you didn’t undermine them every given chance.”

“Or threaten them.”

“By and I quote, “Crushing their greedy fat eyes into their skulls” if they couldn’t see change.”

Klinge shrugged his shoulders. He had never gotten along well with the nobles of Hyrule. They represented everything wrong with the country. He was fine with a relationship of fear between them, because they knew who would come out on top in the end. Klinge even had a few secretly assassinated over the years against the ones who would dare plot to end the lives of the royal family. He understood why they were necessary to the country, but by god did he wish Ganondorf had just done away with them all when he became King. Maybe when Zarazu ascended the throne she could be convinced to make some changes to the hierarchy.

“Speaking of that, I appreciate the gesture, but perhaps in the future we should watch our words.”

Klinge turned to see Queen Zarazu exit behind them. The Lorleidian had bags under eyes from the stress of keeping her composure in. She was glad her friend was there to be the first to put the council in its place and back her up. Her people had done so much for Hyrule over the years, yet those damn nobles still fought tooth and nail to stop change from occurring.

Klinge smiled to the Queen, a mischievous smirk forming on his lips. How odd, over the years he had grown more human and expressive with his emotions.

“Aw come now, I’m sure it would be fun. Besides, there is so much you can do to those vultures. You ever seen a rich man run around with his wig cut to pieces, or better yet, on fire? Damn hilarious.”

Zarazu gave a laugh. The man’s dark sense of humor amused her, at least when directed towards the right people.

“I’m sure it would.”

“Seriously though, on your command. Poof.” Klinge made a motion with his fingers and a small amount of dark fire flickered in his hand.

The two shared another jolly laugh. Tulilad and Kelly looked at the Knight and the Queen in amusement. It was nice to see their Commander have opened up to more people over the years. Especially after his first encounter with Queen Zarazu. She had brought a new and, dare they say, caring side to the Commander that before could only be rarely seen.

After the warrior had said his goodbyes, Klinge went around the corner to go into his private courters when he found Ganondorf waiting for him at his door. Oddly enough the king and a few others had been missing from the meeting. Klinge knew immediately by the look of rage that something was wrong.

“Yes, my liege?”

Ganondorf trotted up to him and yelled right in his face.

“My office. Now!”

Klinge did as he was commanded. He tried to quickly recall if he had done anything out of line. Entering the office he found Zelda sitting at the end of the desk with a bottle of gin next to her. Her glare was ice cold and pointed straight at him. Klinge’s muscles tightened, he was not in the mood to have a snapping argument with the queen.

“Take a seat Commander.”

Klinge did as he was told, but only because Ganondorf was in the room with her, taking a seat beside his wife. If Zelda wanted to be on point, so would he.

“What is this about?”

“This is about our son, Tebanam.”

Klinge’s mind cracked like a piece of glass. There could only be one reason for him being called here. They knew, and if they knew then others must have known. Yet he put on a poker face in his voice hoping for a different outcome.

“What about the Prince?”

Ganondorf’s fingers cracked.

“Don’t be coy Klinge. You know exactly what.”

Damn it. So they did know. Klinge still tried to keep up the façade in his voice though.

“I don’t know what you are-“

Ganondorf slammed his fist into the desk, dark energies rippling.

“You know exactly what we are talking about here you bastard!”

Fine, no point in hiding it now.

“I do not see what this has to do with me. The prince’s sexual preference matters not to me!”

“So you did know, why did you not come forward to us right away? We are his parents. If you told us what happened between him and  Jazoh, the situation may have not grown out of control.”

Klinge’s hands tightened, a pit in his stomach growing.

“What situation?

Zelda gave a sigh and squeezed tightly around her glass.

“Uro Spegeil, Jazoh’s father, somehow found out about the relationship between his son and Tebanam. Rumors are already going through out the court. When we asked our son who knew of his “activities” with Jazoh, he told us you were the only one who knew.”

Klinge stood up from the chair. He had to see Tebanam and see if he was ok.

“I can fix this.”

“Sit down Klinge! Because you didn’t tell us right away, the situation has spiralled out of control. We could have done something to help him!”

Klinge snapped at Zelda, he knew exactly what the damn Hylian meant by “help”.

“Really, what would you have done Zelda? Placed guards around Tebanam, given him a scolding to “fix” the way he loves people? Because it worked so well the first time around after you discovered Rinku’s first relationship! God forbid you love a child who can explore their sexuality!”

The small bottle almost broke under Zelda’s rage from the commanders comments.

“How dare you. I love my children for who they are.”

“Please, being gay isn’t a high Hylian standard and you know it! If you had it your way, your perfect flowery Hylian way, you would have-”

“Be silent Klinge!”

Klinge looked over to see Ganondorf slam his fist once again into the desk, shattering it in two. Klinge, however, was still angry himself, and would not be dismayed by Ganondorf’s power.

“King Ganondorf, Queen Zelda. If you brought me here to scold me you are wasting your time. I didn’t tell you because I felt it was in the best interest of Tebanam. I wanted his privacy to come first!”

Zelda breathed deeply. She had tried so long to keep her children safe, both physically and mentally, but now a terrible omen laid in her stomach. The courts, who had despised her husband and children for years, finally had something to tear their teeth into. The only minimal bit of comfort she felt was that Klinge did what he though was right and legitimately cared for her son.

“If you don’t mind your majesty, I wish to see the young prince.”

Ganondorf was hesitant, but Zelda gave a tired nod, with one final fiery glare at Klinge.

“I doubt your looking for permission but you may proceed. Just know this, if anything like this happens again with our children, and you keep the knowledge to yourself, I will have your undead head removed from your body.”

Klinge growled from her threat. Even now they still couldn’t be fully at peace with each other. If Zelda wanted to take her stress out on him from the situation, that was fine with him.

“I’ll remember that comment the next time an assassin sneaks his way into your room Zelda.”

Klinge stormed out of the office before either the King or Queen could have a reaction from his comment and made his way as quickly as he could to Tebanem’s room. Just as he made it and was about to open the door, he heard someone behind him. Turning around, he then had to look down to see Rinku, her short stature easily recognizable.

“Oh, Commander Klinge, long time no see. What are you doing here?”

“I’m here to see Tebanem.”

A small look of grief and pity graced Rinku’s face. She knew exactly what her brother was going through.

“Yeah, me too. Say, why don’t we go in together.”

Klinge nodded his head. It would be nice to have some support on this. Opening the door he let Rinku in first. Tebenam was by his window, curled up and watching the night sky. From this distance he was looking out to the lands beyond Hyrule.

“Hey bro.”

Tebanem turned his head, surprised to see his elder sister. His eyes looked devoid of colour and life, as if something had been ripped from his very soul.

“Hey sis.”

Rinku walked over to him and sat beside him. “You doing alright?”

“No.”

“You want to talk about it?”

Rinku put an arm around her baby brother for support. Thankfully Tebanem didn’t object. However when the prince saw Klinge a bitter anger started to grow in him.

“Klinge.”

“Yes, Tebanem?”

“You said that everything was going to be alright.”

Klinge did not like where this was going.

“I did. I told you it was our secret, and I didn’t make that public.”

“Yet the information got out anyways.”

“Tebanem, your family and I can help you. I told you you’d be safe, you and Jazoh can still have a happy life together. I won’t let your mother or even the nobles get in the way of that. That’s a promise on my part.”

Klinge reached a hand out for Tebanem. God he just wanted him to be happy. The smile Klinge wore slowly disappeared as he released Tebanem had no intention of reaching out.

“Jazoh’s gone.”

Both Klinge and Rinku had surprise slapped across their faces. Rinku held her grip on her brother a little tighter.

“What do you mean?”

“As I walked through the castle today I picked up on the new remarks whispered behind my back by the staff and nobles. I quickly knew what this could only mean so I hurried to find Jazoh. Instead I found his father. He told me he had sent Jazoh away to be cleaned in spirit. He called me a disgusting desert pig swine who stole Jazoh’s heart and corrupted him and that he would do everything in his power to make sure my name was damaged beyond repair.” Tebanem started to have tears come down his face, yet he retained his low tone, never breaking into a sob. These were the tears of a broken man. “I never even got to say goodbye. So what the hell can you possibly keep safe Commander.”

Klinge’s hand shaked. Guilt stabbed him in his gut. He should have watched more carefully over the boys. “Tebanem, I only wanted…”

“Get the hell out.”

Rinku watched as Klinge took a physical step back. She had never seen the Commander so rattled by words before.

“Tebanem, that’s not fair to Klinge.”

“I want him gone Rinku.”

Klinge’s hand slowly balled into a fist. With a small bow, he reluctantly followed the prince’s command. “As you wish, your highness. I suppose you’d like to be with actual family now.”

“I would. Now leave.”

Klinge left the room and slowly shut the door behind him. The balled fist he had squeezed tighter and tighter, until blood started to leak from it. The prince was angry at him because he couldn’t protect him. Klinge had failed him, had completely shattered his promise. Klinge’s eyes then flared from sadness to wrath, a hatred kindling inside him. If he couldn’t protect Tebanem from the ridicule of the court, he would avenge him. Starting with the bastard who dare hurt him so.

-

Uro Spegeil entered his living courters and sat at his desk. Sending his son away out of Hyrule was taxing, as well as arguing with boy’s mother on doing so. But seeing the look of fear as the young Gerudo prince squirmed when he told him that he’d never see Jazoh filled Uro with content. How dare that ingrate, that desert rat confuse Jazoh so, and worse, defile him before wedlock.

Uro took out his secret stash of wine from his draw and poured himself a glass. Taking a sip he nearly dropped his bottle when he finally noticed the figure standing in the corner of his room, illuminated by the moonlight peering through the room.

“Who’s there?! Identify yourself before I call the guards!”

“I am the Guard.”

Klinge walked forward more into view, his presence towering over the noble. Uro wasn’t sure what the High Commander wanted.

“Why have you broken into my room?”

“I told you, I am the Guard. I protect the royalty, and you have made the terrible mistake of targeting Prince Tebanem.”

“Are you here to threaten me? Because if you are, just leave now. I won’t be dismayed in my actions, that little rat deserves everything coming to him. Besides, you can’t do anything, I haven’t broken any laws.”

Klinge took another step closer to Uro, his hands crackling.

“You hurt my boy. And for that, I am going to kill you.”

Uro dropped his wine glass in terror and took as much distance as he could between himself and Klinge as he could.

“Are you insane? I’m a council member! You can’t touch me!”

Uro desperately tried to find something to defend himself, grabbing a small dirty butter knife.

“That’s right! If you do touch me, people will know it was you. How many times have you threatened to tear a nobles head off or stab him to death?”

“That’s why I’m not going to lay a finger on you.”

“What in god’s name are you talking about?”

Klinge merely pointed down to the broken bottle on the floor. Uro didn’t quite get it until a feeling in his gut started to stab him. Falling to his knee’s his eyes started to bulge and the air turned hot. He looked up through the red haze and the pain to see Klinge stand over him.

“Not the first time I’ve done this. Your right though, a more hands on approach would give myself away, so that’s why I only use poisons for situations like these. You can thank the Deku for coming up with such a dangerous toxin. Burns up your organs, causes you to exert any fluids and feces you have from your body, cuts off the air supply, as well as put you in the most unimaginable pain after a minute of taking it. Well, if you aren’t a Deku that is. Don’t worry though, there’s always able body nobles just itching to have your position, and nobody will miss you.”

Uro started tearing at his throat, desperate for any kind of clean air.

“I do hope you savoured that wine. Maybe in the next life you’ll think twice about hurting a Gerudo you Hylian mutt.”

Klinge watched the last bit of life be torn from Uro as he twitched on the ground, foam and blood leaking from him. Feeling content with what he did, he left the room as fast as he could. Best nobody witness him at the scene of the crime.

-

A little more than a month had passed since Klinge slew Uro. People were shocked, but assassinations against nobles were nothing new. Hell, this actually helped Klinge’s case on convincing the nobles to not be picky with having Lorleidians be there bodyguards. Yet, Tebenam had still refused to talk to him. Klinge thought that he out of most would be thrilled for Uro’s death.

Klinge decided that maybe he should confront Tebanem directly. Maybe it would be best for Klinge to tell him he was actually sorry in his failure to protect the boy. At least then he could feel less guilty. Over the last month Klinge had threatened more and more nobles daring to speak out against Tebanem, and those were against just the rumor’s he heard himself. He hoped the stress wasn’t too much for Tebanem. It had been a week since he had been at the castle, just coming back from an inspection, he worried about the boy immensely every day he was gone.

Klinge knocked at the prince’s door.  “Prince Tebanem? Are you there? It’s Klinge.” There came no reply from the other side. “I just wanted to say that I am sorry.” Once again came no answer. After a minute of waiting and the occasional knock, Klinge decided Tebanem wasn’t in his room. Maybe one of his siblings would know.

Klinge made his way through the castle, until he found Kanisa practicing her dancing. My how she moved like the wind. When she took notice of the commander, she didn’t stop her practicing until she was finished. With her last stride she took a bow towards Klinge, who gave her a clap of congratulations.

“Nicely done Kanisa. I can see why so many have fallen for you. No one can make a heart sing for joy like you can.”

Kanisa blushed from the commander’s compliments.

“What can I do for you Klinge?”

“Actually I was hoping to find your brother, Tebanem. I haven’t spoken to him for a while and I just wanted to check in on him. He wasn’t in the library or at his room. I thought you or one of your siblings would know.”

The smile on Kanisa’s face died off and was replaced with that of a burden.

“Oh, you didn’t know.”

Klinge was curious, but a little worried at the same time. Did something happen to her brother while she was away?

“Know what? Kanisa, please, if there is anything you need to tell me, do so.”

Kanisa walked off the stage and took one of Klinge’s hands and held on gently.

“Klinge, Tebanem is gone. He left the castle four days ago. I… I don’t think he’s coming back.”

Terror went through Klinge. He should have been there to stop Tebanem, or to at least talk to him.

“Why. Why would he leave?”

“He couldn’t handle it anymore. The people of the court kept ridiculing him, despite everyone’s best interests to protect him. So he just left it all behind.”

“No.” Klinge looked towards the exit. His mind was racing. He had done everything he could to protect Tebanem. Given him extra protection detail, threatened nobles, even bribed people to stop antagonizing him. He started to move towards the exit, if he hurried, maybe he could pick up a trail. Kanisa still held on, stopping him from going forward.

“Klinge please, he’s gone. There is nothing you can do now.”

Klinge’s hand shook in Kanisa’s. He started to tremble throughout his body.

“No, you don’t understand. I was supposed to protect him; I was supposed to protect you all. Yet, even after I promised him safety…I failed. I failed to protect him. I…” Klinge’s guilt caused him to collapse into Kanisa’s arms in a supporting embrace. “Oh goddesses, I wasn’t there for him. I told him he’d be safe, yet I failed. I failed Kanisa.”

Kanisa soothed the commander as much as she could. She was glad that someone had tried so hard to look after her brother and cared for all of her siblings so much.

“This isn’t your fault. Things will work out in the end, trust me.”

Despite her kind words, Klinge felt nothing but misery in his heart. Since his reincarnation, he had barely felt human emotion besides rage and wrath, or the pleasure of others pain. But now he felt true sadness. After failing to save Cipher and his child, he considered this his second biggest failure in life.

-

“ ‘And so Ralco carried his beloved Cleo down the steps to his horse carriage, ready to whisk her off to a far off country. This was his last chance for escape.  Suddenly, Baron Von Issia stepped into view and drew his blade. He was hell bent on making Cleo his. Taking his blade, the baron stabbed the thief through the heart, saving Cleo from the scum!’ God damn it Issia, Cleo isn’t yours to take!”

Klinge continued to read his light novel, becoming more furious as he discovered Issia was the one to end up with Cleo. A whole three hours and this was how the book ended?! He slammed the book close and threw it in the garbage heap where it belonged. His private office was filled with unfinished crafted weapons, scrolls, books, and documents stacked upon each other. He had a special shelf for historic books and novels Kanisa had recommended. His walls were always filled with weapon racks containing old swords and armour, mostly Gerudo, but now also on the walls were drawings and small paintings he had done.

Klinge turned to the painting of the Gerudo Desert he still had to complete. It was odd how much free time he had on his hands now a days. True, he always had the freedom to do tasks at his own pace, but when he first moved into the castle, there was always someone that needed drilling, inspections to sort out, criminals to hunt down, look out for threats against the royalty, etc. Even after he promoted Tulilad to the head of the Royal Guard, he still trained knights, help raise and teach the children, stop more than one war against Hyrule, as well as put an end to other disasters. There was just no time in the early years to focus on something more than just combat, bloodshed, and hatred. Now he could just…do things. He found himself getting bored, and like any enemy, he’d do anything to kill it.

Klinge took the brush and carefully continued his work. The brush was his dagger, making clean strokes. Even when he was living he never did this, but he had learned so much culture even in just the last twenty-nine years that it inspired him. And after some practice, he was getting very good at his craft. If mastering weapon and martial art techniques could be done, then so could this.

After another hour he was done. Klinge looked the bright orange and the curves of the sand, and was especially proud how he got the shadow right with the sun. Looking at the painting alone he started to miss home. The blazing heat, the warm feeling you get when you stood barefoot on the sand, the cool breeze at night. It had almost been five-hundred years since his birth, how he longed to feel the desert as a living being again. A loud bang at his door shattered his concentration. He could hear the muffled voice of Tulilad from the other side.

Klinge walked over and unlocked his door, starting from the bolt at the top, the chain in the middle, then finally bar. As High Commander he couldn’t be too careful of assassins in his rest. Klinge stood perfectly with the door open just enough so Tulilad couldn’t see inside his room.

“Yes, Captain, what is it?”

“Sir, I’ve been at your door for five minutes trying to get your attention.”

Klinge was surprised. He concluded the painting must have captured him more immensely then he previously thought.

“Sorry to keep you waiting. How can I help you Tulilad?”

“Commander, it’s Prince Tebanem, he’s back from one of his expeditions.”

Klinge’s heart skipped a beat from hearing that. It had been so long since he had seen the prince. Unlike Orana, whenever the prince came back from home, he barely stayed long. Also, because of these short windows, Klinge had missed the first two times Tebanem returned, as he was out on assignments outside of the castle for days at a time. First Kanisa and her new lover Vidar had come back from the North for a visit, now Tebanem had arrived here at the same time? The gods had favoured his hand this day.

“Thank you for alerting me of this Captain. I will be down to see him immediately. Just give me a moment first.”

Klinge shut the door and went over to the painting he had just finished. He had planned this being displayed above his bedroom, but now he had a new idea. What better gift to give to Tebanam then this? Rolling it up carefully, Klinge sealed up with scroll wrapping and hurried his way done the palace. As he walked through, he heard the buzzing of the staff, all them excited for the prince’s return. To be perfectly honest, Klinge was worried. The last time he saw the boy, although it had been many years, Tebanam was in a hurt state. He hoped he fared better now.  

He heard the excitement come from the family room behind the door. At least it seemed like they were in good spirits. Klinge crossed his heart for luck and entered.

“So Faris and I were double crossed. The Baron’s guard were moving to box us in and steal back his treasure. With all the artifacts in hand, we stuffed ourselves into the mine cart and rocketed ourselves down the shaft. At the end, was an opening to outside the mountain, and we flew out to the lake below, having the water save our skins. By the gods it was a hell of a ride.”

The whole family laughed from Tebanem story. Klinge saw how the boy grew, and how the spirit he had before the scandal was back in him. And by Din, the facial hair on him.

Klinge took notice of the new comer in the corner of the room. A strange man with a dark skin tone, purple hair braided into dreadlocks, and tattoo markings on his face and what was visible on his arms. The man also took notice of him, and when he spoke his voice was calm and low.

“Hey Tebanem, you’ve got another visitor.”

Everyone turned to look towards to who Faris was referring. When Tebanem saw Klinge, he gave him a small smile. Damn, did he have some explaining to do. The rest of his siblings and their spouses gave him room to walk towards the commander.

“Hey Klinge.”

“Hello Tebanem. You’ve been gone a very long time.”

“I know.”

“I haven’t seen you in years, and all you can say is “I know”? You didn’t even stick around long enough on your last two returns to say hello.”

“Um, yeah. I’m sorry about that.” Tebanem took a deep breath. “And I’m also sorry for the way I treated you the last time we talked. I was just anger and hurt.”

“That’s ok.”

Klinge and stared at Tebanem for a while in silence after words. It made his siblings unsure of what Klinge was going to say next, and it unnerved Tebanem to no end. Klinge then relaxed his shoulders and squeezed hard around Tebanem in a hug, surprising everyone in the room.

“I missed you. You’ve been gone for so long.”

Tebanem hugged him back, patting the back of his armour, while trying to not suffocate.

“Me too. Can you put me down now?”                                                    

Klinge was the first to let go, but still held his hands on Tebanem’s shoulders, really examining him.

“Look at you, all grown up. Even have a fine beard growing here. I’m impressed. So according to your siblings you’re a treasure hunter eh?”

“Yeah, I’ve been trying to find knowledge and artifacts around the world of different civilizations. Especially on the Gerudo.”

Klinge’s eyes shot out in amazement.

“You’re serious, our people?!”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ve even got a haul of stolen artifacts from our tribe here at the castle.”

“That’s amazing boy! What’s your research like?!”

Tebanem smiled from ear to ear, taking out a research book. Ganondorf and Covarog grinned from both men’s excitement.

“You ever see Klinge this excited before Papa?”

“Maybe when you were first born, but other than that, no.”

The two Gerudo’s chuckled as Klinge and Tebanem carried on. Klinge took a moment’s pause to look back to the new man in the corner.

“So, Tebanem, who is this burley gentlemen?”

“Oh of course, where are my manners, Klinge this is Faris.”

“Faris huh? Is he a friend, bodyguard, lover?”

Klinge took note of the body language Tebanem gave him, revealing the answers. How he started to nod at bodyguard, but the moment Klinge so causally dropped lovers, the prince was blushing redder then peaches.

Tebanem tried to have something to reply when Klinge tilted his head at his flushness. Damn him for catching off guard. He watched as Klinge made his way over to Faris.

Faris on the other hand, wasn’t fully quite sure what to make of the black knight, except that he was huge. He stood slightly taller than Tebanem’s brother, Covarog, and his presence was unnerving. His aura quickly went from a possible friend to a danger just from walking from Tebanem over to him.

“So Faris, I just need to ask, how does Tebanem make you feel?”

“I care for his wellbeing if that’s what you are asking.”

“Very, good, straight to the point, I like that. Because I just want you to know that terrible things can happen to those who treat Tebanem poorly.”

“Like what?”

Faris’s wasn’t sure where Klinge was going with this, but it felt very much like an interrogation. Immediately everyone in the room stepped forward, because they knew exactly where Klinge’s first impressions could go. Tebanem stepped between himself and Klinge.

“You are not allowed to scare my boyfriend.”

“Come now, I just wanted to get to know him better, give him my special charm. Maybe a little sparring session?”

Cass, Corsaire, Vidar and Zarazu shook their heads.

“Don’t you dare.”

“You should stay away from the lad.”

“Let’s not.”

“Please for the love of Voda, do not.”

Klinge rolled his eyes and gave a huff. “Fine, perhaps another time.” Klinge looked deep into Faris’s eyes and spoke in soft cold whisper.  “Like if you break his heart I will tear your spine from your body with my bare hands.”

Tebanem smacked his hand down his face. So this is what his siblings had gone on about Klinge being terrible with meeting new people. He honestly hoped he didn’t scare Faris away from wanting to visit Hyrule again. “What did I just say?”

Faris gave a gulp but didn’t break his gaze, though the warrior in front of him had a killing intent behind him. He was as cold and black as the void just staring him down. “I’d never do anything to hurt him, you have my word on that.”

Klinge leaned off him, content with the answer. “Good. Now boys and girls, there is something I’ve been meaning to give you all.”

Klinge took out the painting he had, and rolled it out flat for all to see. Everyone was blown away by what they saw. Ganondorf especially stunned.

“Klinge, is that-“

“Our old home, the Gerudo Desert.”

Covarog and Ralnor loved how the shadows were cast down, Orana and Kanisa overjoyed by the waves of orange, and Tebanam the shining sun and bright blue sky in contrast with the sand. Zolori came behind Klinge and gave him a pat on the back.

“You’ve been practicing.”

Klinge gave a nod.

“Yeah, thanks for the inspiration.”

Tebanem scooped it up, in love with the art.

“And this is for all of us?”

“Yes, I hope you enjoy it.”

“Thank you Klinge.”

After the kids finished fawning over the art everyone mingled for a while. A small party had been prepared for Tebanem’s and Kanisa’s arrival. Grand amounts of food and drink had been prepared. Klinge talked with Kanisa before excusing himself to see Tebanem. The Prince was just with Faris’s, avoiding the nobles from the castle. Klinge’s presence was a nice distraction.

“Klinge, what can I do for you?”

“Tebanem, I was wondering if I could talk to you privately.”

“Sure.” Tebanem looked to Faris’s and gave him a peck on the check. “Be back in a moment.”

Klinge and Tebanem walked around the corner of the party, away from all the noise and people.

“So Klinge, what is it?”

Klinge looked at Tebanem and gave a heavy sigh.

“I wanted to tell you that I am sorry I failed you.”

Tebanam took a double back.

“What are you taking about?”

“All those years ago. I told you I’d keep you safe. My sole purpose was to keep you, and your brothers and sisters protected from harm. Yet I couldn’t. I broke my promise to you. I tried so hard to keep your dignity intact. You left because I failed in helping you Tebanem. I’m….I’m a failure.”

Tebanem couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Did Klinge feel this guilt the entire time he was gone? He had no idea how to respond at first.

“Klinge…”

“I’m sorry Prince Tebanem.”

“Hey”, Klinge looked up from the cheerful change in attitude from Tebanem’s voice. “What did I say about you calling me a Prince?”

“But I-“

“I left for my own reasons. And you can’t carry this unimaginable, unfair burden on yourself. There was nothing you could do on your own to protect me and when I was angry at you, I was at my lowest point. I was cold. If anyone should be apologizing it should be me. I’m sorry that you felt this guilt all this time Klinge.”

Klinge took a deep breath, these words helping him expel the feelings of worry he had carried over the years.

“I just, care about you boy. I care about all of you.”

“I know Uncle Klinge.”

Klinge gave a mighty cheerful laugh, but his voice was soft and warm.

“You haven’t called me that since you were a tiny child.”

“I wouldn’t if you didn’t care so damn much. Kind of overwhelming.”

“You know, it has been a while since you’ve had a combat lesson. How’s your sword arm?”

“No, we are not going there.”

“Nonsense, it will be fun. Tell you what, if you tell me about all the culture of our people you’ve found, I’ll go easy on you.”

“How about I show you the culture itself, think my last catch will intrigue you and the rest of the family immensely.”

Klinge was blooming under his helmet. The resurgence of Gerudo culture, and all because of Tebanem.

“That sounds delightful. Tell me, if you remember your history so well, who was the only Gerudo sage in our history?”

“Pfff, that’s an easy one. Nabooru.”

Klinge gave Tebanem a light pat over the back, almost knocking the prince over.

“Very good. Glad to have you back boy.”