#but that might be better in some ways than what transfemmes have going one

[nickbutnodick]

best thing about being a trans man: no one knows we exist

worst thing about being a trans man: no one knows we exist

[squarebracketsmileyface]

this might be a weird question, so forgive me if it is, but in the Lark Lives AU of Pretty Girl Propaganda, do you think there'd be times that Lark would get jealous of Tim being the one to be pregnant and eventually nurse Birdie? as in, since Lark is the transfemme/would be the mama in the situation, would she ever feel like 'pregnancy is normally a 'woman's' job, and i'm a woman, this isn't fair'? i saw a tidbit on uterine transplants as a possible way for transgender women to be the pregnant parent, and it got me thinking.

Not a weird question at all :D I actually really love it cos it really gave me something to think about.

This got long again so it's under the thingy, because when do they not when it comes to me talking about Lark and everyone in PGPau? There's also a vague list of the art ideas I currently have for S,IL that I haven't drawn yet, in case you're interested in seeing that lol

I think in a version of PGPau where Lark had already realised her gender by the time birdie was born, she would be a little jealous, maybe not even jealous, it'd probably be more of a "oh I'm not doing enough, I'm not good enough, I'm not woman enough, I don't have 'proper' boobs because I can't breastfeed my baby" (if somehow she got on E and grew boobs in the like five months between getting Shot and Birdie being born lol), rather than any sort of jealousy in the way I think about it (as in, jealousy being a thing more pointed at another person and thinking they shouldn't have what they do/being angry that they have something you don't?) but I think there would also be, just, so much else going on in having a newborn that she wouldn't get a huge amount of time to think about it between looking after Birdie alongside Tim. And also just the joy of "holy shit we have a baby together, we've started a family, we lived long enough to do that!" would also help.

There would be moments though.

There would definitely be moments where she'd just feel so fucking insecure, moments where she'd feel dysphoric over it. Like, usually new mums can go to parenting classes with their babies, or mum groups, but they're so cisgender-centric that Lark would just feel so out of place. She can't talk about breast feeding, or the actual process of being pregnant or giving birth because she never had that. Tim had that. The two of them would feel very stuck figuring this all out on their own as a T4T couple. And I would like to think maybe they'd have some queer friends they could talk to about it, but if I'm being honest with myself, I think both of them would be wary about connecting with people again for a long while.

So yeah, Lark would definitely feel just generally bad about not being the one to be pregnant with or breastfeed Birdie, at least a bit. Dysphoria and just general inadequacy the way you said it, that generally childrearing is a "woman's job," and Lark would probably feel like she wasn't doing enough, like she was being neglectful in some way letting Tim feed Birdie most of the time since they chose not to go down the formula route and to mostly try to breastfeed her whenever possible. She'd double down on looking after wherever they're living to try and feel better in herself though, I think. Partly because, again the idea of "women's work" and her getting to do that would make her feel a bit more like a woman in herself, and because it'd mean that Tim wouldn't have to worry about it, he wouldn't have to stress about doing laundry or anything while he's also trying to juggle Birdie, especially right after giving birth and all that.

He definitely wouldn't let Lark do everything, at some points he'd need a break from looking after the baby, and so he'll hand her off to Lark so he can get out of the house for a bit, maybe go shopping for groceries. Or even just get out of the same room, go hide in the laundry closet for a while, or go nap. Y'know?

Those times where Tim hands Birdie over to Lark for a bit would probably be quite nice for her too, because even if she can't feed Birdie the way Tim can, she can still look after her little girl. She still has to change her stinky diapers and burp her and clean up baby barf 💀 and for the most part I think she'd be happy, I think the feelings of inadequacy and insecurity would be fairly few and far between, but they definitely would come. And with both her and Tim being exhausted constantly because, y'know, baby (they're not getting good sleep, they're constantly looking after her and all that, they don't have any support systems around them from friends and family, and they're T4T so they feel very isolated from other first time parents) those moments of feeling like shit would definitely feel way worse than they otherwise might. For both of them, honestly.

I think having a baby would be a thing that they both can find both gender dysphoria inducing and gender euphoria inducing, just depending on the thing they're doing, or the day, or how tired they are or whatever.

If Jay didn't realise he was trans until where I've kinda vaguely set It for like the 'main' version of PGPau, about 6-7 years on from the end of MH, then I do think he'd also get dysphoric about not being the one to carry Birdie and all that, but he wouldn't know WHY he was feeling like that, or maybe even WHAT he was feeling in some cases. There'd just be a lot of general "I'm not doing enough, I need to do more" and vague "why am I so upset feeling whenever I see Tim getting to breast feed our baby?" kinda stuff. I think Tim would have an inkling that something was up, but I'm not sure if he'd fully put together that it's a dysphoria thing since at that point Jay would have still been going "No. No I'm a guy, I just like wearing skirts and pretty lingerie in bed sometimes. It's nothing except a sex thing shush" y'know?

I honestly think that without fully knowing what or why he was feeling, Jay would probably get into more arguments with Tim, because neither of them would be able to really understand Jay's feelings about it all. I don't think it'd fuck them up for good or anything, but I do think they'd get into tired arguments a lot more, because Jay wouldn't be able to articulate like "hey, I'm feeling really dysphoric today so I'm gonna go do [insert thing here] to try and make myself feel better" he'd just be going "idk I'm sad/angry/whatever and I don't know why or how to fix it and this is shit and I can't cope" so he'd probably get a bit snippy or sharp with Tim. And then, again, they're both fucking exhausted so things that otherwise might not have come to a head a lot quicker and leave them needing to spend a bit of time apart to calm down so they don't start shouting. Also like, hormones. Tim's just been pregnant, the hormones aren't gonna magically settle right back down straight away, especially while he's like, still chest feeding and has a newborn and all that.

This has now given me an idea for a drawing.

I decided to make a list of the drawings I wanna do. The idea this ask gave me is specifically the ones highlighted in red, cos up til now I've only really thought of like. Lark and Birdie when Birdie's a bit older, cos that's when Lark figured out she was, y'know, Lark. But this is my mess of an AU so I can fuck around the timelines literally as much as I want to. If I want Lark to have fully realised herself and look like she's been on E for ages, and to look super femme, even tho it's only been like 5 months since the end of MH, I can just do that.

I know for a fact that the "Chapter 10 (⁠ ͡⁠°⁠ ͜⁠ʖ⁠ ͡⁠°⁠)" one is gonna get done eventually. The others are so far just things I wanna draw but have no clue if/when I will. Chapter 10 (as in ch. 10 of My Girl) is 100% gonna get done at some point before I post chapter 10, so it can go up with that chapter whenever it's written lol.

Please excuse my handwriting above. I have an everything ache rn

[gaywarcriminals]

I strongly agree with your response to that previous ask about Shen Jiu having "the female experience," but wanted to ask; minus those things, what makes Shen Jiu seem transfemme to you?

Context: First ask (transfemme SJ is cool) Second ask (no, SJ isn't female-coded)

In a word, Vibes.

As I mentioned in the first ask on this subject, transfemme Shen Jiu is less my end-all-be-all interpretation of the character than a headcanon that I enjoy/makes a lot of sense to me. As for why it seems like a logical reading of the character to me, a lot of it is just a sense of 'hey, I've met people like that' (see: "transfemme doomer vibes"). This is hard to convey if you haven't encountered a number of pre-transition women of a certain age: it's pretty common to see people who have not yet realized they're transfemme say things along the lines of "well, being man is terrible But There's No Other Choice". There is the sense that the performance of masculinity/manhood is a chore that's making the person miserable or a prison suffocating them, and you want to grab their shoulders and shake them and tell them there's another way. This is part of where the "transition could save her" meme comes from; some people construct whole miserable lives around holding up this performance, and they would almost be different, better and happier people if the linch pin of Obligatory Gender Performance were pulled away (this is, for example, why I find transfemme Bingge compelling).

Granted, this is less straightforward when applied to Shen Jiu. First of all, transition couldn't save her. It might even make things worse in some regards, as Shen Jiu is loath to ever exist on the wrong end of a power dynamic. I think Shen Jiu would be just as likely to be a miserable woman as he was a miserable man if some of the other core issues are not also addressed. Shen Jiu also does not necessarily... have the highest opinion of women..? Not going to get into that but I had a conversation about it with stardust-falling here (I think I was overly critical in a few regards but I stand by the thesis statement). Both of those factors make transition less straightforwardly desirable to Shen Jiu.

Still, on a fundamental level, I don't think Shen Jiu likes being a man. Of course, transness is not the only way to interpret that fact, especially with SJ's trauma history and general self loathing, but speaking from experience, two things can be true at once. I think that Shen Jiu would struggle to be happy while maintaining his current views of men as selfish and dangerous creatures, which he applies to himself and uses for further evidence for why he's Ontologically Evil. One option to resolve that is working through his black and white view of the world in general and the male sex in specific, but she could also just stay volatile and unhealed and become an evil woman instead (Hot of her). 

[princesscolumbia]

So About Transfemme Ranma...

I published just a few days ago the first two chapters a Ranma 1/2 smut fic. Yes, I'm horny on main, this is Tumblr, deal with it.

Amidst the comments was an observation that the reader would have appreciated a greater focus on Ranma's hatching as a transwoman. Naturally, I had addressed this in the Author's Notes (the commenter acknowledged this) but the reader/commenter had a point; Ranma's hatching absolutely deserves its own fic.

Now, I've got a great deal of WIPs going at the moment, so for me to engage in writing this kind of thing, I'd need some form of story hook, something to say, "This, right here, is the reason to write this fic. It's a thing that YOU have something to say about and, most importantly, can say it better than the other people who have done this kind of thing."

I mean, there's a LOT of authors in this space, and they've done a fantastic job! All the way back to the old FFML and into today, every single generation has had at least one author who's tackled "Ranma comes out as a girl/woman" and done a decent job of it.

So the question is; what big thing do I tackle? What's the hook? What's the big change that flips the switch from, "Yeah, everything is normal," to, "I can't live like this anymore!" What's Ranma-chan's call to adventure?

If you have any thoughts, a fic idea that you'd like to see but don't feel confident you can write it, hit me up in the comments/reblogs for this post. I'll snag the ideas that I find most interesting and put 'em up for a vote.

Quick caveats: I'm not gonna just do a rehash of some other author's work. That's not interesting to me. I might use another author's ideas as a launching off point for my own stuff (I do this all the time) but only if I think I can do something substantially distinct and different. (In other words, no Girl Days redo, I'm not rewriting "The Clothes Make The...", and I'm already doing a fukufic)

[agentsquirrelsgotrobots]

As a trans man that still goes by his mildly femme birth name (because I absolutely adore it and no other name compares), I absolutely get giddy whenever I meet another transfemme in the wild that shares my name.

I met a young Trans girl yesterday who also went by my name, and she was a blast to hang out with.

When I was just starting out figuring out my own identity, my name was a HUGE insecurity. I got it into my head that being "stealth" was everything, and I got super paranoid about being safe at all costs, even at the expense of my own comfort, delaying coming out to people in my life who were vocal allies and refusing to believe that there were people around me that were willing to go out of their way to protect me.

My sense of caution wasn't unfounded unfortunately, a commuity group near and dear to my heart allowed and tolerated new transphobic and misogynistic members for far too long, causing me to have to get the owner of the space involved to lay down the law. It got better, but it's heartbreaking knowing that even though the space is accepting, these people will only ever tolerate me.

However, the owner has my back, and he's kicked out more than one bad actor over my time going there.

Anyway, back to my name.

My name has, mostly because of tiktok, morphed into a stereotypical "nonbinary" name.

Honestly, I hate how this community has the tendency to categorize itself and go to war over the littlest things. We are all a part of the same umbrella, and by infighting over things that really don't matter (masc/femme vs. male presenting/female presenting, neopronouns, is-queer-a-slur), we weaken our sense of community and make it easier for bad actors to take root.

Seriously, it doesn't matter. I will use what name you want me to use and make a good faith attempt at any requested pronouns, and laugh as a small portion of the community tries to assign boxes to a community that literally is ostracized for not fitting into them in the first place.

Really, if you are the type to try and assign a social dress code to a group that is infamous for breaking them, you might need to lurk in our spaces a little more before hitting post. It's ok to admit that this community is a LOT at times because it is. We have been organized for such a short time, and we really don't have too many elders (people older then the age of 35) active in the same spaces that a lot of younger people start in. It's weird to think that at 17, I am edging on the older part of the community. (No, really, that's bonkers. The fact that I remember a time before smart boards and going to computer labs should not make me feel old.)

There is SO MUCH to learn, and as someone who has a VERY practical view on identity and relationships, I am used to the feeling of culture shock in some areas. I wish I had some good recommendations on some good people to follow for interacting with older community members/BIPOC perspectives/diverse economic and social backgrounds, but I am new to Tumblr and haven't found many yet. If you fall into the above, please reblog and @ yourself.

My follow list for people who talk almost exclusively about being in the community on here is mostly white and upper middle class, and I would like to break out of that. You learn nothing by never stepping out of your own demographic, and I would like to see the difference between here and tiktok, especially how there's a lot more people in their twenties on here.

So, hi, my online name is Squirrel. My pronouns are he/him, and I already have a pinned post with my boundaries on here.

[pluralsword]

we a collective anarchist pacifist system have to agree in the sense that, as some of the more left winged members of Congress have expressed, the big money donors who wanted someone else than Biden or Harris would have likely favored a more right winged candidate than those two, and despite our misgivings over the Biden administration it has made the biggest amount of positive change for the country in some sectors of the economy and society since FDR. Even though we as a xenogender transfemme have not benefited as much as we hoped from this admin due to the positive changes being hampered in making a direct difference for our life due to systemic transphobia, transmisogyny, and sysmed stuff not being tackled as much as we would like and also due to pressure from the Republican violations of the constitution, there is a stark difference between this and the Trump administration during which we actively lost civil rights and socioeconomic protections on the Federal level, and all of this can be said for a lot more people than just trans gals. And it is very clear by the stances of Republican party leadership that they will try to suppress and exterminate anybody who is a target of their neofascist doctrine.

This isn't bout harm reduction, it is about hope. In this light, though we take issue with Harris, there wasn't going to be a better candidate more in tune with our values (we can name plenty of politicians in the USA who are! they are not in the same political position! yet. someday if democracy survives). If we want any semblance of elected government to survive and to not end up living in more of a police state than we already do, voting for the vice president is going to be the way to go to have a better chance of that. if we want to see an administration that will pave the way for the end of neoliberalism later on in our lifetimes and a return to the USA being on track to becoming a social democracy that one day doesn't engage in neocolonial affairs abroad as much, where we can match the several dozen countries that have made trans rights country level law and gender liberation and accessibility a goal of their regimes along with attempting alternatives to punitive justice, if we in other words want to oppose the ramp up of genocide that her Republican opponent has made clear he will try to carry out with the support of the national level of his party, then we don't see another option besides Kamala Harris. We have a much better chance of getting actual improvements with her than her main opponent.

There isn't a significantly supported third party candidate who is a realistic option, and radical third party politics on the left have shifted towards endorsing likeminded candidates among the Democrats anyways in part due to the fact the duopoly has actual laws that would need to be overturned regarding third parties in many places. With that in mind, the criticism of policies and proposals of better ones, the protests, schmoozing, voting, and direct enactments in community or lower-level government form for them, is something that would be on the table with a greater chance of agreement than we would have with the reactionary running to further destroy electoral institutions and what rights and support networks people have in the USA, along with supporting far right movements abroad. As others around the world have done this year and years before, we must come together to reject fascism and other reactionary movements. Having such in office is a threat from the local level to international menace, and I would like to hope that (and may actually go out of our way to call for in aspects of our life we don't discuss on social media) that a commitment to refunding defascification would actually happen with her administration, and that from there there might be an actual reckoning over the hierarchic history of the USA and what to do about it beyond the admin's vision.

Choose hope. It's not just a vote for not the fascists. Its a vote for a better chance of being listened to for our needs.

For people who didn’t want a repeat of the 2020 election, it looks we’ll have something similar to 2016. Trump vs a female Democrat candidate.

Clinton one of the reasons lost in 2016 is because at the time people thought their votes didn’t matter and avoided voting. 2020 and 2022 proved them wrong. Our votes do matter. In 2022, we prevented a Red Wave from taking place and recent races have been decided by just a handful of votes.

If voting weren’t important why do you think Republicans are trying so hard to make harder to register or access the polls or mail in our vote. They’re afraid of losing their power because that’s all they care about.

Let’s not repeat 2016 and finally put a woman in the Oval Office. After all, you couldn’t ask for a better candidate than our current VP who is also our first female Vice President.

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary391

10/17/24

thursday

today was fun...

kura sushi, unfortunately, was not much more than mid... but i got two cute pikmin bookmarks from a gacha, and their spicy crunch roll was rather good.

we walked around this small plaza in chinatown, with my gf's two k pop friends and one had her husband come along. it was fun, we had icecream and because i had hardly eaten anything today, i had two of those corn dogs... i feel a little ill now i suppose but i think tomorrow i'll be happier to have eaten that than not, since i need to go walk to the shops and collect some things. i took selfies, today, i really liked my outfit, i'll sort through them tomorrow though, since i'm very tired now.

since i keep thinking about fear and hunger, or, i feel like it's now something gestating inside me...silly dreams of course, things i could make, that are impossible really, but still, it at least makes me want to draw more, so i should take that and run with it. just draw freaky stuff... work that out more, draw more scared looking people, i like scenes like that.

i keep feeling so sad it's over, i loved the experience, i'll never have a first time like that again, i feel like the next game miro makes, the final piece of the trilogy, could give me that in a different way, but i'm so attached to this feeling, this particular depression and misery and the expression of escaping it, the affection for these characters... i hope whatever he does next keeps that, a huge cast of people you can save or kill or witness dying.

also, stuff about the sulfur god, he is interesting, i didn't know he was an inversion of alll-mer, or, something alll-mer created of himself, perhaps something that succeeded him, maybe cast the true version out? i don't know. what i do find interesting is that he makes people express their desires, in some sense, but it recalls, in step with the game's setting and theming, a lot of how reactionary forces use desire for violence and extremity as pressure release valves to gain something, or to use people to some end. i do not know, if in miro's cosmology, there is any platonic ideal, everything seems pointedly murky, not unknowable expressions of ideas or thoughts, but expressions of a failure to make sense of things inside others and oneself. ultimately, the gods aren't expressions of a nature, but more, failures on our part to make sense of that nature, to force it into a set of mechanics and things.

i also got sad in the kpop store today, sometimes i do not feel like my gf is as attracted to what i am as she says. this makes me neurotic and makes me desire seeing things from her that might be gross, or lewd, or whatever, that she see others like me, meaning transfemme (still nothing in particular as well, i guess (following this: a second (now third (or incoming third)) i guess)) i guess, and find them attractive, just that i'm a type of thing she likes. which is horrifically self-objectifying, i guess putting it here, it makes me look so sick. i know she loves me, and that she does in fact like that, and like me in those ways, as something to look at. i'm not sure. i just feel distant from it i guess, i know there's stuff she's distant from me on too i guess. we all have things like that. i just wish i were enough i guess, or that, i don't know. this kind of consumer devotion makes me sad. i don't understand... i'm like an alien to it... i'm like an alien to so much... i guess because i never had much money, i just had to take things how i was able to, videogames were often experienced with distance and dreaming, i had to read what books were around while knowing there were better ones out there, i was never able to wear the clothes i liked because i didn't know there were any i could like... always shopping in walmart or ross, hand-me-downs... inheriting music from the internet and my mother and father, it feels different i guess, i feel sheltered in some way, or like, i guess it's true as well, partially homeschooled, even if only by the internet, there is just a gulf between myself and others, i am different even in how i move my body around and i produce illegible things. i feel so much less than everything and everyone around me, including and especially these excellent figures who move to songs scientifically designed to charm, i don't hate it... there's a sweetness to people making these things, and wanting to be an idol. the only kind of idolhood i ever was able to approach when i was younger was being a sex object, like a child fetish statue or something. obviously, i'm sleepy, i always do this when i'm tired...

it's okay though, it's stupid but it soothes, it's obvious, i just can't get over myself in very stupid ways, because my girlfriend loves me, and constantly reminds me, i am just unsure of how to navigate ever feeling distant to people i feel close to. i'm just a clumsiness, all the way down.

i forgot to say, yesterday i wrote something odd (today i wrote too (something impossible for me to make... a vision, though, at least)), it was spurred on by seeing this image, and crying, i will not share it or why i cried because it's complex and impossible to explain, here is the image however:

i guess i can explain some, it's about feeling less than someone, before this image (his eyes... they remind me of my girlfriend's, as does the sharpness of his features), i feel like so little, and the fact is that he seems distant and sorry, i know, he is just doing what is beautiful for a camera, or maybe it is natural, look here another photo of him:

is it projection to see some kind of misery here? or knowledge of difficulty? that it meets a creature like him, it's almost unbearable.

this is stupid, maybe, or it isn't...no, not at all, i will stand by this being a special thing dredged up by playing a game which should be very silly, in some sense, but fear and hunger likely enabled this... which is maybe pitiful, but at least i have a feeling, at least it points us at some sort of feeling.

too, breton's words on his journey with his lover, the flowers, come to mind, something on the other side of this.

i am simply turning, sometimes i feel like i am a moth with burned wings at the bottom of a light fixture, among others who have perished, waiting my turn. i see something very lovely, incapable of meeting it, i am only witness, and then nothing.

so,

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[shyocean]

Thought for the greater trans community.

People with uteruses are having a particularly rough summer.

Our access to life-saving emergency medical care. Our access to maintenance medicine. Our basic bodily autonomy. Right now, a trans man in Texas who is raped might be forced to give birth while having no access to legal protection afforded to women giving birth. It's frightening. We're angry. There a lot of trauma and emotion, right now.

Even if some of you don't care. Realpolitik. This is a big enough issue, that it has the chance to flip a lot of centrist red voters blue. If we, as a community, really got behind this, maybe we could push the government more towards the center, instead of listing more into christo fascism. Now, I am not a centrist, but unless you plan to overthrow the government in the next three months, blue is better. Practically, unity and coalition building would be a good thing.

So, thinking about the relatively unprecedented level of intracommunity discourse, abetted by Kiwi farms etc, it feels hard to believe it's chance. That alienating people with uteruses from the trans movement isn't getting pushed into place by someone else.

Because, for god's sake, is the community really telling people with uteruses to sit down and shut up and listen to people without uteruses, because we have the privilege of having a uterus right now, so we don't deserve a voice in the community about what we are called or even to discuss whether we belong here?

Is the community really telling trans-aligned people with uteruses that we aren't really trans, and that we are the cause of the christofascist authoritarianism that's oppressing us both ways?

Are we really publicly having all this anti-afab, anti-female discourse on main?

Is the community setting it up like a choice, either we can care about protecting Black transfemmes, or we can care about the voices and dignity and priorities of people with uteruses? Like we literally can't do both?

Surely we aren't doing this to ourselves, right?

Because it's incredibly alienating to me, a trans person dating a Black transfemme. It's led me to not want to have anything to do with anything trans 'community' besides loving my girlfriend and friends and living my life.

Can you imagine the impact on a scared, angry, less attached person who can't get their lupus meds, or a woman who almost died because her doctor wouldn't remove her dead wanted pregnancy, or the teenager who's been raped or any of the thousands of ongoing horror stories that are freshly occurring?

This is not respectability politics; you will never be enough for the people who hate you. This is about people who are actively trying to be on your side getting kicked in the teeth for it.

You don't even have to like or care about cis women or afab trans people. You can be fully a misogynist, and still, and if you are queer, understand that working together politically would help personally, because everyone 's liberation is intersectionally tied together.

And every actual amab trans person I have actually talked to is someone I like. It's just the badness echoing across social media. We act like it's coming from inside the house, but I don't think so. I don't.

I think we're better than this, on the whole, en masse, without anyone profiting off our in-fighting and fear. I am hoping so.

And that means we also don't go after binary trans people who have made a mistake or gotten notoriety, or support. I don't think Hunter deserves whatever she's getting for hitting a stupid like button. No one actually deserves the harassment. I don't think we need to be disappointed that Keffals was able to turn a threat to her life to her advantage because she's pretty and has a huge fan base. Can we just. Stop. Hurting. The person within reach?

I think it is being pushed on us and we have to resist, y'all.

Transphobia is not a tiger; it's a persistence predator.

[a-stitch-in-time-and-space]

some (not new) ideas I’m throwing at the wall vis-a-vis gender and star trek (esp in ds9)

Note: We’re eeeeever so slowly moving into times in which “transgender” - as useful a phrase as it is - isn’t the catch-all it’s been for the past 15 or so years, mainly with an understanding that gender is an infinite, fascinating playground that is affected by culture and time. I’m partially using transgender/trans here, and partially terms like nb, genderqueer, femme, and masc as well as “gender transgressive” which is useful to describe, well... transgressive gender.

However I wish I could jump into the future to see what terminology exists then...

I do think there’s something interesting in certain transphobic media, esp the kind that deals with crossdressing-for-laughs (vs drag, which is ofc community-based), because even though it’s usually done mockingly by cisgender heterosexual guys, it reveals how undeniably queer certain ideas are, even if that queering is done in a punch-down sort of way

surprise, this is about Profit and Lace, specifically in how it introduces the idea of transgressive gender in Quark and in Rom, accidentally building off Pel’s story in Rules of Acquisition.

surface story is yeah: Quark makes an ugly woman, with a dose of misogynistic haha women and their hormones amirite (and that opening *shudders*), but what is fascinating is how easily Quark is able to access what we’d today call gender affirming surgery in a future where you can be altered to look like all kinds of different species. 

all this handwringing about regret and “staying in your gender” (which isn’t how it woooorks for a lot of us) and not allowing consent over our own bodies and the patronizing, ahistorical, unscientific, slew of unwanted commentary from everyone and their mums, it’s just... not there. they know Quark is going to reverse the surgery the second the jig is up and Julian still just does it, because sure, got a moment to spare.

you wanna have boobs? yeah, go on. you wanna have boobs and still be considered a man? uh-huh, that’s cool - wow, Rom makes a wonderful “woman,” don’t you think? (and Leeta’s.. kind of in support of that!) 

I’ve argued a fair few times that Rom is trans/nb/femme/genderqueer by Ferengi standards (that is, gender is measured by business-sense/lobes and is its own kind of binary -- also on that note... their mother is trans/nb/genderqueer by that measurement too). It’s a really fascinating overlap between financial class and gender as a caste system (which affects both Ishka and Rom in different ways), which also exists on earth irl today, even though that intersectionality doesn’t  get discussed enough outside of queer circles.

I think Quark fits that standard as well, but he’s fighting it a lot harder than Rom is. The central tension of Quark’s series long arc is his attempts to be A Good Ferengi Male and failing over and over and when he occasionally succeeds, how he doesn’t often feel good about that. He blames a lot of this on the Federation, but by all accounts it was in him to begin with, although he used to be able to cover it up more easily.

Quark desperately wants to get it right, but a lot of the time he’s clearly masking. Sometimes he really enjoys it though, it’s not like with Rom where he has no sense for business, so much as it takes effort.

meanwhile Pel (whom I HC as masc) doesn’t have access to the kinds of surgeries that are so easy to get in the Federation, which puts her in danger - much like not having access puts us in danger today. I'm sort of torn on the headcanon that she either gets her lobes enlarged via the same surgical procedure (which, again, is so no big deal in the future) or because she’s in the gamma quadrant, she’s able to reimagine gender without having to change herself physically - which many trans/nb/genderqueer or otherwise gendered/non-gendered people also don’t want to do.

I also think it’s interesting that Quark-as-a-woman who is dressed in clothes (gasp) is fetishized, because she’s oh so transgressive -- exactly what happens to us today and one reason why so many trans people end up in sex work (of any kind - here’s me adding: get that money however you can and want to, siblings, much love and support). 

I bet there are underground sexual “deviancy” shops that sell fake lobes to imagine your female is actually the man of the house, or even lobe-enhancement that some females take to “pass” although they were actually designed for helping out your small-lobed son “perform business better”

(all of my talk of lobes: here’s the reminder that lobes in Ferengi culture are sexual characteristics)

bottom line, the tension between cisgender (heterosexual) people trying desperately to maintain a binary system of understanding gender and how they play in genderqueer sandpits is always interesting for me to watch. 

on the one hand they’ll argue there are innate social behaviours that exist in women (and they exist across species) - the way Quark has to learn to walk for example, or even - interestingly - that when Ishka starts dressing, her style is very different from men’s dress (maybe inspired by an older version of Ferengi culture where females weren’t so oppressed? - Ishka as transfemme? She could notice that she and Rom have the same likes and she buys him - gasp buys with her own money!! - a lovely dress and one of those massive lobe-earring/necklace things (lobe-lace?), so they match) - and innate social behaviours that exist in men

on the other hand they will unknowingly present a future in which the distinctions between woman and man are so immaterial that you can access any kind of physical surgery you want - in the Federation that is, and differently defined throughout different species on different planets. I always liked the idea that the further away from the “paradise” of earth you get, the more diverse the gender distinctions become but in a lot of these places they also practise rigid systems, like on Ferenginar. I can imagine some majority-human planet worshipping the old ways of the 20th century and enforcing that colonialist gender binary, urgh, can you imagine....

You wonder what things like “assigned gender and sex at birth” might mean in a future where there’s no social capital involved in assigning those kinds of things, if anything.

 And so, Profit and Lace is -- still not a good episode. I remember one of the DS9 writers talking about how unexpectedly well it’s aged and it absolutely has not. It’s misogynistic and transphobic, but I think also very important in the canon of Star Trek’s accidental gender-exploration (Star Trek’s accidental gender-exploration sounds like the title of an article....)

sometimes you find the best gold nuggets in the trash.

and on that note: time to spin the wheel and headcanon that O’Brien was (using today’s terminology) assigned female at birth and decided he liked the sound of being a boy when he was thirteen (his parents like: “for your birthday we got you gender reassignment! and you can always change your mind.”)

also I wrote it above, but Rom and Ishka wearing matching outfits and it being equally shocking is *chefs kiss* (esp with Rom as Nagus)

[annihilate-this-week]

A scene I’m most likely cutting from the novel I’m editing.

I like it a lot, but my manuscript is over 150k words, and hey, kill your darlings. This doesn’t really advance the plot at all -- more in here so I can have two transfemme characters, one freshly out, one a few years into hormone therapy, talk about how transition works on a social level, and a bunch of other things I wanted to say.

I’ve done a fair amount of writing for this novel that turns out to be basically me making statements about life as a trans person -- especially life as a trans person after you get all the basics like hormone therapy and changing your legal identity taken care of, and ESPECIALLY if you’re a trans person who can barely keep your head above water financially (and maybe emotionally). I make them in dialogue form so that they aren’t so fucking clunky or whatever, but sometimes that takes up a lot of space. It’s fun to write, it’s maybe fun to read? But I can’t keep ‘em all or I’ll never get this thing published. So again, here’s something I probably can’t keep. I was working on editing it when I made the decision, so there are some track-changes artifacts in here, for which I apologize.

Putting it behind a cut in case you’d rather not be bothered.

Two hours later, she and Sam sat in a small cafe that was mostly full of hipster kids, withplus a smattering of older, traditional white Southern types mixed in. Tanya was feeling much better about how she looked after shaving, showering, and putting on makeup. She wore a black-and-white checkered skirt, a red White Stripes t-shirt, and cheap black tennis shoes. Across from her, Sam was had a more straightforward punk look, wearing black denim shorts and a black sleeveless t-shirt, the only hint of her femininity being the hint of a sports bra showing under her shirt. Tanya wondered if she'd had the chance to buy any clothes since transitioning.

She didn't have to ask. Sam started talking about it almost as soon as they sat down. "I love your outfit, by the way," she said. "I really want to be able to... I dunno, 'girl-ify' my fashion sense, but I have no idea where to begin."

Tanya shrugged. "I know a lot of crust girls who dress pretty much like you're dressed today," she said. "I think the question is whether you want to go for a more conventionally cute look. I try to do so while also remaining somewhat punk, but let's be real -- that gets lost a lot of the time. When I show up at a basement show in a frilly red dress, that might make a pretty strong impression on the punks, but when I walk down the street like that... Well, I guess in my frilly red dress, they think I'm goth, which is something. But still." She gestured at what she was wearing. "I look like an aging hipster dressed like this, which isn't nearly as punk as your vibe. But I think when I used to look more punk pre-transition, the main reason was because I didn't feelhavve any realistic hope to look any better than I did." SAfter a moment, she paused.said, "I hated how I looked."

"I know what you mean," Sam said. "I still kinda hate how I look. Wearing lipstick and makeup helps, but it's such a pain in the ass. And my clothes... I mean, I just decided a few weeks ago I was gonna transition fully. And now I'm stuck with all these boy-coded clothes."

"So you weren't like me? All collecting clothes in secret that you put on when no one was around?" Tanya grinned. "I was so ashamed and embarrassed of it at the time. Then when I started going out in women's clothes, people were like 'Where'd you get these outfits?' and I was like, 'I've been ordering stuff off the internet for years, y'all.'" 

Sam laughed. "Nah, can't say I ever did that. I think I was running from it all. I never really even started to face up to my gender issues until like... two years ago?"

"How old are you?" Tanya asked. Just then, a waiter showed up to take their drink orders. Neither of them had even looked at the menu. Tanya ordered a Diet Coke. Sam asked for a mimosa. Tanya nodded silently to herself.

"We're gonna need a few minutes to figure out what we want," she told the waiter. "Or at least, I am." The waiter walked away. As Tanya studied her menu, Sam set hers down at the empty chair to her right. Tanya figured she ate here regularly and knew what she wanted.

"I'm 23," Sam said. "All of us are. Me, Chris, and Tammy, that is. I think Ginger's a year or two older. She didn't go to school with us. I'm honestly not sure how Tammy met her."

"Maybe I'll ask," Tanya said. "Anyway, the reason I asked how old you are is to try and figure out how old you were when you really started questioning your gender identity."

"Yeah, I guess I was maybe 20," Sam said. "But it's like... when I was younger, I was trying to be a normal dude or whatever. I still liked girls, I looked like a normal male. I mean, I guess I did. I gotwas into punk starting when I was around 12 or so. I found Tammy and Chris in high school because of punk. We were like... the three kids our age who were into it."

"Are y'all from here in Mobile?" Tanya asked. She was pretty sure she was going to order the breakfast burrito. Which was predictable, in hindsight. She set her menu on top of Sam's.

"Yeah, I mean, the suburbs, but still, greater Mobile, for sure," Sam said. "But our school was full of shitkickers. Everybody out there's into like... Taylor Swift and Blake Shelton or whatever. It was so backwards that most kids didn't even like pop music, they liked country."

Tanya laughed. "I grew up in Nashville in the 80s and 90s," she said. "I know exactly what you're talking about."

Sam laughed too, then paused. "Wait, the 80s? How old are you?"

Tanya made a wry face. "I'm 39. Didn't start my transition til I was 35. Didn't get on hormones until I was 36."

"Whoa!" Sam looked shocked. "I would never have guessed you were that old. I mean, not that--"

"I know, I know." Tanya held up her hand. "It's not a bad thing, but it's weird. Believe me, I agree. I still don't know how I got past 25 at some point." She grinned. "I'd like to make a joke about how I only look this good because the spiro keeps me young, but..."

"Spiro?" Sam asked.

"Yeah. Spironolactone. The anti-androgen. You're on it, right?"

"Oh! Yeah, for the past day," she said, and laughed. "I took it before I came out to meet you. But I've never heard anyone use a nickname for it before. That threw me a little."

Tanya chuckled. "You're a babe in the woods!" she declared. "But seriously, I'm so excited for you to see what's coming."

"Me too," Sam said. "I'm really hoping it makes me a bit less hairy."

"It does!" Tanya said. "I thought I'd just have to shave huge portions of my body forever, but at this point I've lost 80% of my body hair. I thought that was all hype, but it's real."

"Oh thank god," Sam said, and at that point their waiter arrived to take their food orders. They both started self-consciously. 

"I'll have the breakfast burrito, with chicken, hash browns on the side," Tanya said. 

"Very good, ma'am. And for you, sir?" The waiter turned to Sam. She didn't react, but Tanya immediately slapped her hand to her forehead, and held it there. Seeing friends misgendered was the worst.

"I'll have the huevos rancheros, with avocado. Beans and rice on the side," Sam said. 

"Sounds good! I'll get these right in to the kitchen." With that, the waiter disappeared. Tanya, who'd been watching the interaction between her fingers, finally took her hand away from her face.

"Do you think he heard what we were talking about?" Sam stage-whispered to Tanya.

"No, but I know he misgendered you," Tanya said. "He was totally oblivious."

"Really?" Sam pulled back in surprise. "I didn't even notice! I wondered why you put your hand over your eyes."

"Yeah, that's why," Tanya said. "Maybe it's a blessing in disguise. That kind of thing always made me feel like I was gonna die."

"It sucks that I didn't notice, though," Sam said. "I need to get better about thinking of myself as a woman."

"That's an adjustment, for sure," Tanya said. "It took me about a year before I was a woman in my dreams on any kind of consistent basis."

Sam thought for a second. "I'm definitely still dreaming of myself as the confused non-binary person I spent the last year or so identifying as." She shrugged. "That's better than dreaming of myself as a man, though."

"Fuck yeah it is," said Tanya.

"So tell me about this tour you and Tammy are booking. What's the plan?"

Tanya shrugged. "A month or so. I guess I'll end back up in Nashville after. I haven't really planned all that out though. The real point is to get me away from places where I need a fixed address. At least for a little while."

"Wow. I don't think I've ever heard of that before." Sam grimaced. "It doesn't sound good."

"No, I suppose it's not. I'm going back on tour to avoid homelessness. That's a hell of a thing. But at the same time... I mean, there's not much left for me in Nashville. I have this long history there, but it's in a punk rock scene where I'm pretty much universally known as a guy. There are people who've completely turned on me since I came out. People I never knew were TERFs showed their true colors as soon as I made it public. But that's the kind of thing... it wasn't anyone I'm particularly close to or anything, you know?" Tanya sighed. "It's more the way a whole bunch of my friends were just completely unable to shift their mindsets. Like, I get it, I've fucked up on pronouns with other friends who've transitioned. It's tough to relearn things like that when you've known someone for a while. But it mattered to me to try and get it right, you know? I cared about these people. And I always respected trans identities, going back to the 90s when I was 14 and saw trans girls on Donahue or whatever. It seemed valid to me in a way that most people didn't seem to think it was. So I tried! And when people don't try, when people I care about and who supposedly care about me don't try, it makes me feel like they don't see me as valid. Which is tough to get past, even if they clearly still like me and I like them too."

Sam nodded. "I've honestly got a little bit of experience with what you're talking about, even having only been identifying as non-binary and not fully transitioning. I suppose there are people out there who were using he/him pronouns for me this whole time and I wasn't paying that much attention. But now I'm gonna have to start paying attention."

"Well, it's not even that," said Tanya. "People can handle non-binary identities because it generally doesn't require full recontextualization of a person. People who identify as non-binary often don't go through an actual change in their presentation, and I've found it's pretty rare for enby-identifying people to engage in medical transition of any sort as well." She shrugged. "Of course, that could be because the medical industry makes it hard to get what you want to do done if you deviate from their script. Thank god, things have at least gotten past that whole bullshit Harry Benjamin 'I was born in the wrong body' narrative. But there are still things that you can say about your desired gender or whatever that'll get you shut down as pathological when really, the truth is that there are just a lot of potential ways people might want to express their gender, and ALL of them are valid!"

Sam was nodding as she finished speaking. "I've already been looking at stuff online about transitioning -- since a while before I fully came out, if I'm entirely honest -- and I've already noticed this. People will tell you 'I said this to my doctor and it caused six months of problems' or 'my first doctor didn't understand at all and I had to move to a different city before I got the care I needed' or whatever. I went into my intake conversation at Planned Parenthood with all this stuff I could say, and lo and behold, they didn't really care that much. I told them about my history of gender feelings and they just kind of nodded and said, pretty much, 'Sounds legit,' and had me sign some papers."

Tanya nodded. "Informed consent's been a godsend for me too. I can tell you one story, though. I had to go to my doctor and get three months of prescriptions taken care of in advance so I could go on tour. And she was like, 'Why are you doing this?' and I totally did not tell her that it was better than being homeless, so why not? I knew that would be an issue. So now my doctor at Planned Parenthood Nashville thinks I'm in a touring band that plays to 500 people a night." She shook her head and laughed at the memory. 

Sam laughed as well. "Normal people have no idea that reasonably big bands that they've heard of can't necessarily draw 500 people in most of the country."

Tanya nodded, thinking of the time she saw Kings Of Leon play for 50 people at a sparsely attended promotional show. That was years before they'd gotten big, though. These days she didn't even like them.

At that moment, their food arrived. 

Tanya was pretty hungry, and dug right into her breakfast burrito. Sam seemed to be in the same position -- which was no surprise, after her escapades the previous evening -- and very little was said for a few minutes as both of them chowed down. Tanya came up for air after she'd gotten about halfway through her burrito. After a big swig of her water, she looked over at Sam. 

"I've been thinking," she said. "I know you're just starting out, and I've been doing this for a while. So if there's anything I can help with by talking about it or whatever, you're welcome to ask. I want to do whatever I can to make this whole process easier on you."

Sam set her Diet Coke down. Once she'd finished the mimosa, she'd switched to non-alcoholic drinks, a move Tanya had appreciated. "Yeah, there is something," she said. "This is a weird question but I'm just gonna ask."

Tanya nodded, hoping to encourage her.

"Can you explain to me how the heck you figured clothes out? I just have no idea about sizes and all that." Sam gestured at her body. "I don't have much of any definition, curve-wise, at this point, but I want to find stuff I can wear that makes me feel more, you know, girly." She held up her hands in an at-a-loss gesture. "What should I do?"

"Well, it's tough," Tanya said. "I was and am built a bit different from you. I mean, to be honest, this is the thinnest I've been as an adult, and I'm still a bit overweight if you ask the BMI or whatever. But like, I started wearing women's clothes full time months before I took my first hormone pills. So I started out by working with what I had, and I had a bit of extra weight up top." She gestured to her breasts. "They developed more once the hormones took effect, which was lovely, but even at the beginning I had a sense of what was up. You don't have that. Which isn't good or bad at this point, it just... is."

Sam nodded. "True. So you at least understand the problem."

"Oh, for sure," Tanya said, nodding. "One thing I can tell you is that you will develop, not just in your breasts but in your hips, your butt, the backs of your thighs... It'll take a few months, but changes will start to happen. And you won't know the full extent of them for years. So I would say to start out with stuff that you feel good about, and the only way to really find that stuff is to try things on. I used to go to thrift stores, spend half an hour collecting a double armload of potential stuff, step into a fitting room with it, and find that 90% of it didn't fit me or looked terrible. I'd go in with 40 things and buy two. But that's the way it has to go."

Sam nodded. "That makes sense. Doing the thrift store thing makes me nervous as hell, but I guess I've got to take the plunge."

"If you need a partner for thrift store runs, I'm in town for a couple of weeks," Tanya said. "I'm always glad to help."

Sam smiled. "I will take you up on that. Let's swap numbers before we leave here."

"What are you doing today?" Tanya asked. "You seem to have money... want to hit up some places later?"

Sam's smile grew even wider. "That would be awesome, honestly. You sure you're up for that?"

"It's always fun to hit thrift stores," Tanya said. "Who knows? I might find something I want too. I mean, I probably shouldn't buy anything, it'll just be more stuff to wash while I'm on tour... but I'm not saying I won't anyway." Sam laughed as Tanya picked up her breakfast burrito.

[vaspider]

I feel bad doing this when you've JUST cleared your inbox, but you're one of the people I was considering asking before I logged in anyway and I can't find anyone else on my dash right now (not a complaint) so you're getting the question. My friend, an ace trans dude in his 30s who is from a very small, very religious, very white part of the rural Midwest and has only been able to start transitioning since moving to Canada (and he's only started HRT in the last month), has a crush. He hasn't been able to talk to said crush to ask their pronouns yet, but based purely on appearances and name (they have a name tag), this person is amab transfemme. That's all fine, but the issue comes from some description of internalized phobia. My friend feels like he's not ALLOWED to be attracted to them because he likes effeminate guys and if this person is a trans chick he feels like him liking them would be invalidating their gender. He thinks being attracted to them when he normally likes guys is transmisogynistic. I think he needs to remember that individual people living their lives are not representation, they're just people, and also that he doesn't have to fit into a specific box just because he identifies with a specific label. I think that the fact that he is attracted to them is enough reason to enjoy that attraction (even if it doesn't go any further and as long as he's respectful about it obviously). I also think he would benefit from hearing that he's not a horrible person for feeling attraction from someone who isn't his aroace best friend who tells him this stuff every day. What do you think?

I think that all of the things you think he needs to hear are probably what he needs to hear, because you know him better than I do. I might try to bring this up as like... 'hey, I hear you and I don't invalidate your feelings, but have you considered... '

This is part of why I get so :/ about young people confining themselves in an identity. If your self-ascribed identity gets in the way of you enjoying your life, or causes you more upset than it does joy, then... change it! Your identity should be a little boat that keeps you afloat in the river of life, not a cage that just lets all the water in and drags you down to the bottom of the river.

If I find myself attracted to someone that I'm not normally attracted to bc of my orientation, that doesn't mean my orientation is wrong, or that I'm misgendering that person by finding them hot...

It means they're hot! It means that person is hot! It means that your friend has recognized the absolute smoking hotness of that human, and he's absolutely correct to be like 'damn, so much hot'. It doesn't mean his orientation is wrong or that his brain is misgendering them.

These strict definitions of who and what we are do not match up to the way that our minds work, our genders work our sexualities work. We do not exist in the mechanoid 'this is the definition' of cold, hard steel. We are like the velociraptors in Jurassic Park. Life Breaks Free, and so will we, over and over again. We can choose to celebrate that or we can choose to fight it.

I choose joy. I hope your friend does too.

[vsilas]

Okay.... hear me out. T4T post-war Snarry where substance use starts them on the path to cracking their eggs and meeting as new people who are ready to give each other a second chance. A sickeningly self-indulgent fic idea, pure rambling. Target audience: me and me alone.

Transfemme Snape is on probation after the Death Eater trials and is stripped of her magic. It's temporary and much better than Azkaban but it also means that Snape is essentially a Squib for three years following the sentence. One of the things that happens as a result of this is that all of the subtle "notice-me-not" charms on the area around Spinner's End wear off and the local authorities finally decide it's time to get rid of that slum. Snape is forced to move, which is probably for the best, all things considered. Living with your abusive parents' ghosts isn't conducive to healing... and there's a lot that Snape needs to heal from. As things stand Snape really doesn't want to have anything to do with the wizarding world so she moves to a muggle town somewhere on the coast. What with not being able to do magic she also turns to muggle solutions for a lot of her problems. She makes a living tending bar (she's basically nocturnal, doesn't drink, and can quell unruly customers with a look, so it's a good fit). She starts taking medical marijuana for the chronic pain caused by her encounter with Nagini and it stops her from feeling mildly suicidal for the first time in ages. It's nothing like her life was before and so she slowly starts shedding some of the fear and pain that kept her in line and an effective tool... basically her whole life.

Trans guy Harry goes a bit wild after the whole "I died to save the wizarding world" thing. He feels like he's been robbed of his childhood, his adolescence, and basically all the experiences that "normal kids" should have, so he lets go of his remaining impulse control and starts to spiral. The summer of 1998 is rough. There's the funerals, the trials, everybody trying to pick up the pieces of their life. Harry doesn't think he has any pieces of himself left to pick up. He didn't really plan for a future after the war... he could never see himself grown up. Harry breaks up with Ginny because the way they are together makes his skin crawl, even if he can't put a finger on why that is. Ron gets really mad at Harry for dumping his sister and even more so when Harry says that he doesn't want to be an Auror anymore. He briefly goes back for his 8th year with Hermione but drops out in November when he only manages to turn in two assignments and spends most of his time finding ways to sneak off the grounds to get drunk in London clubs. Harry's friends worry about him but there's only so much they can do to help somebody who really doesn't want to be helped. Harry moves into Grimmauld Place, cuts his hair really short, and spends his nights "living" which mostly just means doing party drugs and having a few ill-advised one-night stands. When there is no one to party with, Harry gets drunk alone in Grimmauld Place and punches mirrors. He doesn’t see a future for himself so he decides to just live in the present, however long that's going to last him. He can feel a break coming, something terrifying but necessary. It feels like the only way to forward is to spiral down.

Snape, who has known something was off since she was a kid, finally lets herself accept what that thing is. It isn’t an earth-shattering revelation, just part of slipping off the masks of professor and spy and Death Eater until all that's left underneath is her. How the fuck did she fool everybody into thinking that she was a man for all these years? Maybe that’s why she was such a good spy. Started young. Hid it even from herself. It’s not really an easy thing to accept, but inevitable. Snape is already grieving everything else about her life so what's another lie, another chance at happiness that slipped away before she even knew what it was? She spends a lot of time in her shabby little flat getting stoned but she also walks along the beach and starts planning the rest of her life.

Harry cracks on another of his drunken nights out to some rather unpleasant consequences, including ministry officials having to obliviate dozens of muggles in a Camden club and a hangover so bad even potions don't help with it. Most of it gets hushed up but the yellow press takes the opportunity to start saying how the "Girl-Who-Lived" finally went off the rails, complete with an unflattering picture of Harry's new haircut (granted Harry was about to throw up when the picture was taken...). Harry lays low for a while but he is also a man of action and so he begins to research ways he could transition. St. Mungo's doesn't provide that kind of healthcare so if he wants to go the magical route he would have to figure it out himself or find an expert in gender magic... who doesn't seem to exist. There are references to a witch who brewed a potion to change her gender, but she lived in the 18th century. Being trans is stigmatized in the wizarding world so he assumes that wixen who have transitioned probably don't advertise the fact. Harry doesn't trust himself to do any magic or potion work that advanced without killing himself, so he decides to keep searching. He swears Madam Pomfrey to secrecy and asks her if she can help him. She's taken aback and tells him this kind of magic is not well studied and she doesn't know if there's a potioneer alive, other than Severus Snape maybe, who would even try working on something like that. However, even if Snape wasn't a squib and unable to brew anymore, Harry certainly isn't planning to have anything to do with his old potions professor. He decides that maybe he should just try muggle means.

Meanwhile Snape has been doing theoretical research on magical transition but hits a dead end. She needs access to a magical library, she needs to be able to actually experiment... Not to mention that she still has years of her probation left, which means years before she can even attempt transition. The only thing to do is turn to muggle means to both manage her dysphoria and maybe inspire the next stage of her research. It takes a while to secure an appointment, but one fateful day Snape walks into the reception area of a London clinic... right as Harry Potter is exiting the doctor's office after his check-in for being 3 months on T. To say that there is a moment of shocked silence would be an understatement.

They meet up for coffee and cautiously become a two-person support group for trans wixen who got fucked over by fate (and Dumbledore) and miraculously survived a war. Harry lets Snape use the library at Grimmauld Place and Snape promises to expand her research to try and develop something for him too. Harry apprentices to a curse-breaker and weathers the press dragging him through the mud every chance they get. Snape might have mellowed out a bit but she still gets on Harry's case about the drinking and not finishing school. They bicker a lot and sometimes Harry overcompensates on the machismo and acts like James, or Snape feeling a blinding rage that Harry is so fucking young and has his whole life ahead of him... but they end up coming around to each other every time. On some level, they are the only people in the world who can really understand each other.

Over the course of the next year and a half, they slowly get their lives sorted. And through that process, they become the most important people in each others' lives. What started out as reluctant solidarity grows until one day Harry can't imagine a future that doesn't have Snape in it, and Snape starts thinking of "home" as being wherever Harry is. It's not easy, considering how many issues both of them have, but it's the easiest thing in the world compared to the alternative. Cue resolution of them both magically transitioning, dealing with public perceptions, and leaning into being a scandalous power couple who doesn't take shit from anybody.

Now, if only I could write this as an actual story....

[ask-asexual-crystal-gems]

Hold up. Is asexual considered a microlabel? Some radfem made some snarky comment on a post that made me think they might consider it one.

I mean, I guess that makes some sense, you can be a lesbian, and “secondarily” be asexual, but still.

And somebody can ID as cishet and asexual, (i.e., not allo, so still queer) though brace yourself for the exclusionists to jump down your throat if you do.

What really cheeses me off though is that transmasculine is apparently considered a microlabel too.

I would think that’s not only is that a primary descriptor in itself, of gender, it’s also a fairly wide and overarching subset of people: I believe wholeheartedly that there are far more transmasc and transfemme people than binary trans women or men.

So, like the erasure of bisexuals in queer spaces, they get shoved to the margins DESPITE being a numerically larger minority.

Like, only “purebred” queers get to hold the non-coveted, should-be-ordinary word “label”?

Man I remember when the idea “microlabel” didn’t even exist. Or I’m pretty sure it didn’t. I’ve been at this visibility thing a dang long time. I’ve tried to Google history on it, and all that pops up are explanations. (somebody who’s better at refining Searches or who knows, plz let me know what you find!!)

“Microlabel” It almost seems derogatory. Like you aren’t a fully-fledged A or B, so we’re going to give you this cute little condescending diminutive.

Don’t get me wrong, if that’s the designator people want to use, then I will defend any and all microlabels with that moniker, (and trust me I’ve seen some plenty bizarre and insanely hairsplitting ones that I personally would never even consider using even if they did fit, but I will defend to the death your right to say it and not get harassed for it)

But I feel as if, perhaps, just maybe, if we hadn’t let this utterly unnecessary sub-umbrella term weasel its way onto the discourse stage, we would be in better shape.

At least microlabels themselves all have a designated purpose, even if you or I may disagree if that purpose is necessary.

“Microlabel” the term LITERALLY just exists to separate the “aristocracy old blood simple-to-say queers” from the “the sum total of billions of human identities is more complicated than that you doofus” queers.

[page-doctor-bekker]

Rooftop - Part 1 (transfemme!sarah)

(A/N) hey! i have a long ass one-shot and i kinda of want to make it lead off a lil bit of a cliffhanger so i've got part one here for you. this takes place a few days after this oneshot

-

-

Sarah grabs her white coat from her desk chair, and stares at the embroidery.

Sarah Reese, MD

Dept. of Psychiatry

She sighed, before retreating to the bathroom to tuck and dress. Even after her orchiectomy, tucking was still mildly uncomfortable. At least she had graduated from using tape to using a gaff, which was much more comfortable and easy to take off at the end of the day.

Once she was dressed, clad in a pair of relaxed, navy blue dress pants and a pale pink button-down shirt speckled with cartoonish images of various types of fruit, she grabbed her lab coat, and shrugged it on.

There was a mirror on her closet door, and she caught a glimpse of herself in it. She gulped, and stood in front of it, staring herself down.

She pressed the pad of her thumb against her jawline, and dragged her skin around in a feeble attempt to soften it. Her jawline led her to her chin, the cleft in it causing a pang of dysphoria in her stomach. She puckered her lips, trying to make them look fuller, but that only exacerbated her chin. She sighed, and gave up. It is what it is.

She let her hand fall to her side, and fiddled with her coat. After a moment, she scowled at herself.

“Move on, Sarah, just move on,” She mumbled to herself, taking a hair tie from her wrist and putting her hair up into an unintentionally neat bun. No matter how hard she tried, she could never succeed in creating a messy one. That required more finesse than she had.

She smiled at herself, although her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“I am a good doctor,” She affirmed, “A good doctor who made a mistake,” She quoted Dr. Charles, the thought of him filling her with calm.

“And Ava,” She gave herself a confident look, “Is not worth my time. I don’t even like her anyways.”

She paused for a moment.

“Because I don’t like women,” She shrugged, “And someday I will meet a man who loves me for me.”

“Don’t give me that look,” She snapped at herself, “Just because I’m not cis doesn’t mean I can’t be straight.”

“And I deserve better than Ava anyways,” She opened her mouth, then closed it, like a fish. She opened it again, “Someone better who is a man. I will find the man for me. The only reason I think I like Ava is because I haven’t found the man for me. That’s okay. I’m only 26. Some people don’t get married until after 30.”

“I am a confident woman,” She declared, “A confident straight woman.”

She started to walk away, but she looked back.

“And i’m a good doctor,” She said, sharply.

She saw Dr. Charles outside the hospital, and he waved her over. She ran to catch up with him, out of breath by the time she arrived, “Hello Dr. Charles,” She tried to catch her breath, thinking about how insane she must look right now.

“Dr. Reese,” He greeted with a nod, “How was your break?”

“It was very good,” She announced, “I feel like I am making progress with myself. I am a good doctor! What happened was a mistake, and it doesn’t define my clinical skills.”

He looked at her skeptically, “Good.. Good,” He gave a smile, “In my experience, all you really need after a mistake is to treat a few patients successfully, so I’ve volunteered you to be in the ED this morning.”

Her heart sank.

“And then, when Maggie dismisses you for lunch, come see me in my office and we can chat about what you did differently today,”

Sarah nodded, stuffing her hands in her pockets so she could fidget discreetly. If he knew I’m anxious, he might send me home again.

He gave her a pat on the back, “Holler if you need me. I’m just a page away.”

He left her at the doors to the ED and she took a deep breath, and smiled at the big red letters.

“Help! I need help!”

Go time.

She ran towards the direction of the voice, a large man in his mid-40s who was carrying a young girl, maybe 5 years old, in a bridal-style position.

“Hi, I’m Dr. Reese, I’m going to help you, tell me about your daughter,” She prompted, pressing two fingers onto the girl’s neck while awkwardly walking with the man.

“Ah, she’s my niece, Miranda Maxwell,” He corrected, “Uh, she’s almost six, she’s got a.. uh… Heart condition? She was born with it. Her mom said she sees a doctor here uh… Dr… Dr… Beaker? Brekker?”

“Dr. Bekker?” The name made Sarah’s heart flutter.

“Yes, that’s the one. Anyways, she collapsed today, and says her chest hurts, and she’s a bit blue around her lips and nails.”

Dr. Reese took Miranda from the man, and took a light jog into the emergency department. The man took off after her. Upon entering the ED, she called to Maggie, “Five years old with a congenital heart condition, chest pain, trouble breathing, rapid pulse, blue lips and nails, where do you want me?”

“Treatment five.”

Dr. Reese set the girl down on the bed and Monique rushed to start an IV, “Let’s get her on the monitors, and get her changed into a gown,” Sarah instructed, “And Maggie?”

Maggie looked up from where she was conversing with the girl’s uncle.

“Page Dr. Bekker, Miranda is a patient of her’s, and get Miranda’s parents here as soon as possible,” She looked back towards the girl, “Miranda? My name is Dr. Reese, I’m going to help you feel better.”

“It hurts,” She cried, clutching at her chest.

“I know, I know, we’re going to figure out why,” Dr. Reese cooed softly, before taking on a more serious tone with Monique, “Get a CBC, BMP, urinalysis, 12-lead EKG, and get her on oxygen until Dr. Bekk-”

“Talking about me?” Dr. Bekker startled Dr. Reese, “My ears were itching. Miranda, did you miss me? Is that why you’re back so soon?”

Miranda giggled through the pain at that, and Dr. Bekker smiled. Dr. Reese almost allowed herself to feel endeared by the rare display of kindness, but quickly regained composure.

“Maggie, where are we with her parents?”

“They’re on their way, but they said to do whatever it takes to help Miranda,” Maggie called back, and Dr. Bekker nodded.

“What seems to be the problem, Mindy?” Dr. Bekker pulled her stethoscope off of her neck, and pressed the drum to Miranda’s chest, and listened thoughtfully.

“I felt weird and then fell down. My chest hurts real bad,” She complained, “I can’t breathe.”

“Let’s get an echocardiogram,” Dr. Bekker noted to Monique, who nodded, and started to set up the ultrasound machine, “Does it hurt more when you breathe?”

Miranda shook her head.

She’s so gentle with her.

Sarah smiled.

“Okay, I’m going to look at your heart with this special tool, you’ve done this before,” Dr. Bekker assured, before squeezing the gel onto the girl’s chest and pressing the ultrasound wand down.

She can be gentle. And kind.

“Psych residents, I swear. God, isn’t anyone in this hospital competent?”

Sarah was shocked back to reality by Ava, who was snapping her fingers at her, “Dr. Reese? What tests did you order?”

“Uh… CBC, BMP, urinalysis, and a 12-lead-EKG?” She trembled, her voice seeming more questioning than answering.

“Okay,” She said quietly, focused on the ultrasound.

A few minutes of quiet later, Dr. Bekker put the wand away, “Clean her up, and,” Dr. Bekker looked back at Miranda, “And if I remember correctly, your popsicle of choice is cherry?” She winked at Miranda, removed her gloves, and helped herself to hand sanitizer off the wall. Dr. Reese nodded at Monique, who was wiping the girl off, and left as well.

“Um…” Dr. Reese started, “What do you think?”

“Transfer her up to the PICU and let me know when her parents get here,” Dr. Bekker told Maggie, before turning to Dr. Reese, “I think she’s in congestive heart failure,” She shrugged, “Did you see the ultrasound? She has a complete atrioventricular septal defect, she’s been my patient for the past year, we knew this was coming.”

“Why didn’t you operate earlier?”

“Her parents wanted to wait,” Ava shrugged and rolled her eyes, “Nobody wants to put their four year old daughter through open heart surgery. But now,” She gestured back towards the room, “Their five year old daughter is going to go through open heart surgery today.”

“Well is she going to be okay?”

“If I can get her in for- I’m sorry,” She interrupted herself, “Why do you care?”

“She’s…” Sarah balled part of her coat up in her hand, “She’s my patient, I just-”

“Not anymore she’s not,” Ava huffed, “Thanks for not killing her. Wish I could say the same for Mr. Nearling.”

Ava flounced off.

Sarah watched her leave, and turned to Maggie, who pointed at treatment 1.

“Ear infection.”

Dr. Reese nodded, grabbing the tablet the charge nurse was holding out, and heading to treatment 1.

By lunch, she had treated three ear infections, a gunshot wound, a miscarriage, and sent a psychosis patient up to the psych ward. By the time Maggie sent her off for her lunch break, she had practically forgotten about Ava.

Dr. Charles was waiting for her when she opened the door to see him, and he gave her a tight-lipped smile, “How was it?”

“Uh, good,” She sat across from him, and he pulled out his own lunch while she unpacked hers, “I saw Dr. Bekker.”

“Oh? How was that?”

Sarah tapped her foot, “One of her CHD patients came in, um…” She took a bite of her sandwich, “I ordered some tests for her. She was snarky about it when I talked to her afterwards though.”

Dr. Charles shrugged, “Well, Ava will always be Ava, regardless of-”

“She said, um… She thanked me for not killing the patient and said she wished she could say the same for Mr. Nearling.”

He sighed, and nodded, “Well, it’s only been a few days. She’ll get over it. You guys were good friends before, you’ll be good friends after a while..”

“Good friends?” She questioned, “What makes you say that?”

“Well, y’know,” He motioned back and forth with his hands, “You’d chat, you seemed to be happy when you saw her, she teased you a bit. All of Ava’s telltale friendship signs.”

Sarah was quiet, instead choosing to take a bite of her sandwich and chew thoughtfully.

“Tell me, Sarah, do you like Ava?”

“What do you mean?” Sarah asked, carefully.

“Like… You know, are you interested in her? Romantically?”

Sarah choked on her sandwich, coughing a few times.

“Remember to chew, Dr. Reese,” Dr. Charles reprimanded.

“I don’t like her,” Sarah defended, “I don’t care about her. I deserve better. If I still liked her after she talked to me like that, even if I liked her in the first place, I’d be crazy.”

Dr. Charles shrugged, taking a bite of his salad.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“What?”

“The shrug.”

“What do you think it means?”

“Did you do Yolanda’s intake?”

“Who?”

Sarah nodded, stuffing her half-eaten lunch back into the bag and tossing it in the trash.

“Sarah, you haven’t finished your lunch-”

“Not hungry, I’ll see you around,” Sarah started to leave, but Dr. Charles stopped her.

“I’m supposed to pass a note on for you.”

-

-

(A/N) come back tomorrow for pt 2 lol

[ardenttheories]

what are your thoughts on the way some people are determined to stick with transfem roxy headcanons despite transmasc roxy in the epilogues, but those same people will claim that anyone who has transmasc john headcanons are being transmisogynists for not sticking with june, who hasnt even showed up in any canon explicitly?

Outright frustration.

It’s been an issue in the Homestuck community for some time now that there’s a very anti-male sentiment (where we can vilify men for doing anything and everything wrong, regardless of what reasonings they might have had behind what they did) and a completely uncritical pro-female drive (which isn’t inherently bad, except that it always returns to “the women can do nothing wrong, and any of their faults are immediately forgiven even if those faults were inherently abusive”). 

It’s a sentiment where - for instance - people would defend Vriska to the death, irregardless of how bad she was or what new attrocities she’d committed, but then would completely denounce anyone who liked Dirk, failing to see the hypocracy of the two views. 

This is especially more obvious in this instance, considering that Dirk actively tried to improve himself and escape from toxic masculinity while Vriska continued to be an abuser (suggesting that women are capable of causing greivous harm without question, but men will never be good enough no matter how much they try to better themselves - which then brings in the question of why should they even bother if they’ll still be demeaned for everything they’ve ever done wrong? Especially when a woman can paralyse a man for life and still be seen as a powerful rolemodel?). 

I think a lot of it stems from two places:

A) Kate’s anti-male stance, and how loud her voice was (and still is) in the fandom - especially as a fan of Vriska who refused to see any of her faults but would completely defame any man, even those who hadn’t done anything wrong, simply for being “boring men”

B) People being fed up with toxic masculinity and desperately wanting strong, three-dimensional female characters who aren’t immediately killed off, which actually isn’t an inherent issue and is something that should be seen more in media - but can spark issues such as the ones seen above when the only good female rep you’ve been given isn’t actually that good at all, and yet you’ve got another dickhead man as the lead role

But that’s just cis men, right? It couldn’t possibly have any effect on how people see transmen. But the issue is, it really, really does. Because it’s not just “being a cis man” that’s the issue; it’s being masc-aligned at all. 

The problem really hits hard when suddenly we’re not allowed representation for transmen. When being a woman is considered so much better that we completely ignore the fact that someone identifies as transmasc. It plays into the narrative that transmen are betraying their gender, are wrong for their decision, and should be corrected - such as by ignoring Roxy’s transmasculinity in favour of a cis or transfemme reading.

Which wouldn’t be so bad, perhaps, if we were allowed to do the same in return. If our representation is taken, because perhaps people want to take the female-coded character and retain her femininity, then we should be likewise able to take the male-coded character and retain his masculinity to replace our stolen rep. 

But we’re not. We’re told that doing so is transmisogynistic - yet erasing or ignoring Roxy’s identity isn’t transphobic? The hypocracy is startling, and deeply worrying. Because it doesn’t do anything but portray transwomen as volatile fandom gatekeepers - and that is not the look we need to be giving transwomen at all. 

We’re all trans. We’re all desperate for representation. We shouldn’t be fighting each other over this - but people like Kate help to perpetuate the idea that it’s okay, and that men (even transmen) are the bane of the Earth and shouldn’t be allowed to exist, so you can just ignore that and it’s fine. 

But the fact is, you can’t in one breath claim transmisogyny for the refusal to accept the June headcanon (because, as of current, it is still just a headcanon) and then in the next overwrite any and all masc-aligned Roxy headcanons (as well as the canonicity in Meat). But as a fandom we’ve been doing it for so long to the cis characters, that it’s creeped into the trans characters as well. 

It’s easier for people to justify doing this because there’s a long history of defaming the men and uncritically defending the women with cries of misogyny or lesbophobia for pointing out hypocritical thought (which is why, I think, we don’t see any transmasc Vriska headcanons; you could imagine the sheer amount of backlash that’d come from doing it, because it’d be much harder to see what Vriska does as acceptable if she identified as male). 

So, it’s frustrating, yeah. Especially as a transman. Because our representation keeps getting overridden, and the cis men that we could associate with we’re meant to feel cripplingly guilting for sharing a gender with. There’s two transwomen in Homestuck, now, that people defend with vitriol, but the one transman we have isn’t even allowed to be ours. It’s admittedly upsetting. But it doesn’t feel like the sort of thing you can speak out about, because the fact is transwomen should be allowed to have their own representation, especially with how much struggle and strife they face both within and out of the community - just not at the price of eradicating ours. 

(This also doesn’t go into the fact that, for Homestuck, any reading should technically be validated. After all, we see that in Candy, Roxy identifies as a nonbinary woman; in Meat, he identifies as a nonbinary man. Different timelines can have different gender identities, and each one is as valid as the other! But when you claim that you MUST draw June, you’re claiming that only ONE reading is valid - and that’s just not how Homestuck works. Especially if you then draw transfemme Roxy. That doesn’t read as you trying your best to stop transmisogyny; that’s just you picking and choosing what canon is and means for your own agenda). 

(This is also why I’m starting to realise that canonising gender identities in Homestuck is just overall a bad idea. We’ve had so long to see these characters as actual blank slates to imprint our own experiences upon, that now we’re fighting to claim them all as OUR identity - rather than just allowing each to co-exist). 

[callsignbaphomet]

Okay. Finally. Found a site with enough liberties to let me manifest myself and add all the information I wanted to add. I had to use toyhouse's forum section to get the information somewhere and then link it but I finally did it.

I woulda had this done sooner but C needed me to carry his butt in SOTE and I couldn't do this plus help him.

Here's a link to the interactive map!

They're just short blurbs so no need to worry about reading a ton of stuff. It's just footnotes with some basic information and some lore too. There's some sections with spoilers but there's a big ol' warning before the information. Now that that's outta the way I can safely say I feel relaxed enough to start writing.

((BTW, Core Realm, which you'll be reading that a lot here, is in reference to the main realm ei where we live. Realms are all connected to this one and people have taken to calling it the Core Realm since the discovery of other planes of existence aka realms. It's all connected. If two people from this realm and another look up at the night sky and into space we'd BOTH be looking at the very same universe just from a different angle. I'm so sorry if that didn't make sense, I really hope it did.))

Some extra notes on the map, I didn't wanna overflow the terrain with trees to the point where it's hard to see details.

The forested areas are THICK with trees, plants, shrubs and the like.

Those campfires are meant to represent areas that have been set up with camps. Mostly hunters, fishermen and gatherers occupy them but anyone is welcome to use them.

The realm is divided into four continents: the two huge ones, that hook like formation to the North, and those giant islands to the South.

The little islands are archipelagoes.

Yes, that is a desert to the South, yes, the sand is black. Yes, it's a cold desert. The sand is onyx black with pearlescent blues and purples shimmering. Somehow the sand is even colder than the environment.

The temperature outside of the frozen parts of the world are mostly cool. On average it stays at around 61°F to 64°F. On the colder months (what in the Core Realm would be summer) it would drop to 57°F, while in the hotter months (what in the Core Realm is winter) it can go up to 71°F. Now, in the snow covered regions during the hotter months and usually around the coast it's at around 12°F, during the colder months and further inland it drops down to -14°F.

Time moves weird in that realm. There are 32 hours instead of 24 and there are 9 days in the week instead of 7. There are 18 months in the year instead of 12 and 7 weeks in a month instead of 4. ((Look, I am super bad at math so if the math doesn't add up just hand wave it. I might go back and edit this detail so it makes better sense but numbers give me a headache.))

The nights last much, much, much longer than in the Core Realm. Day time is a bit dimmer than in the Core Realm and this is because of the perpetual eclipse that blocks both the sun and the moon. Hence why this section of Nyota called themselves the Kupatwa people. Kupatwa (at least to the best that I was able to find) is Swahili for eclipse. That blockage has to do with the story. Spoiler alert it's a type of SOS and no, the Kupatwa did not send it.

You'll also notice I mention a princess. The Nyota are led by a queen (whether they identify as a woman, genderless or non-binary and yes, THAT INCLUDES TRANSWOMEN AND TRANSFEMME PEOPLE) and the Nyota are the central hub nation as the Kupatwa are an off-shoot of the Nyota living in a different realm. Same culture, same belief system, same society-same everything. It's just that they adopted a different name. Any off-shoot will be led by a princess who will answer to the Nyota queen (Loke and Jelani's maternal grandmother).

Yes, there are tons of animals native to this realm and I've been working in general information for a few of the more important ones. Yes, also tons of native flora. Yes, animals and plants from the Core Realm can safely come and live in this realm though they'll mutate the longer they stay in the realm. No, it's not freak like mutations that turns the animal dangerous or crazed. It has to do with the energy in the soil, water, air and just all over. Without spoiling too much Makers have an...interesting impact on the physical world in their purest forms.

Can't think of anything else. I'm totally up for answering any questions at all though I think I covered everything here.

Yes, I am very exhausted but pretty proud of this.

Here's the map all done! Exo-R 4202 or as known by its common name Kupatwa Nation!

I'm trying to see how I might be able to enable the notes to be seen because there's a lot of lore like EVERYWHERE. Some story spoilers too but I put a warning before the spoiler just in case. Soon as I figure this out I'll rb it.