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sheabeeprime · 4 years ago

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I Drive Me Mad

AO3 Link

By: @sheabeeprime for @superherotiger as part of @friendly-neighborhood-exchange -> I'm so sorry this is late. I worked really hard though and wouldn't even read my story until this was posted so I hope you love it <3

Rating: Teen + Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark

Summary:

Even though he couldn’t make out most of the distinct features that would confirm this figure to be human, let alone someone he knew, he wasn’t afraid. This man wasn’t scary like his captors had been. No, he radiated safety and warmth and through the armor plating that now gently caressed his cheek, Peter detected a familiar smell of expensive cologne mixed with motor oil which he recognized as home. “D-Dad? Please…help me,” Peter whimpered, fighting spirit returning ever so slightly as he resisted the need to allow his eyes roll back into his skull and fall into the forever slumber. It hurt to stay awake and to try and comprehend reality, but something inside of him said that he had to. He had to, if not for himself than for the blob of red and gold which held him close. He couldn’t imagine how terrible it would be for a father to lose their only child. “It’s okay Peter; you’re going to be okay." Or: In the aftermath of his kidnapping, Peter takes comfort from Tony during a Thunderstorm.

References to Torture

The first time Peter called Tony “Dad,” he was tired and 100% drugged out. Whatever his kidnappers injected him with was strong, with its effects still lingering even after his captors ceased their torture and left for him dead. Peter only hoped the reason they finally abandoned his husk was because they realized Iron Man and the rest of the Avengers were hot on their tail.

It took an additional 36 hours after that, however, before Tony and the others finally found him. At that point Peter was damn near dead.

Days prior he was still trying to fight through the toxins as they were administered. He tried to stay awake and learn everything he could about his captors... Now, the spiderling was just trying to save his energy enough to stay alive, to maintain his vital functions, even if poorly.

Peter couldn’t even hold his head up anymore; allowing it to lull from one side to the other when his mentor tried to shake him back into awareness. The unpleasant feeling of his head rolling about his shoulders, however, was just barely enough ignite the fringes of his mind with a semi-consciousness. He mentally reached for the feeling, trying to hold onto it as long as possible.

“D-Dad?” He asked, tongue thick and cottony.

It took all his enhanced strength, but Peter lifted his head up just enough so that when his eyelids fluttered open, he was looking at the blurred figure before him in their eyes.

“D-Dad? Please…help me,” Peter whimpered, fighting spirit returning ever so slightly as he resisted the need to allow his eyes roll back into his skull and fall into the forever slumber.

It hurt to stay awake and to try and comprehend reality, but something inside of him said that he had to. He had to, if not for himself than for the blob of red and gold which held him close. He couldn’t imagine how terrible it would be for a father to lose their only child.

“It’s okay Peter; you’re going to be okay.”

He clung to the feeling of hope that being in this figure’s arms brought him. Hands still bound behind his back with vibranium cuffs, Peter simply nuzzled into the neck of who he hoped to be his father, breathing in a heavy and ragged way while trying to hold back tears as the man cradled him and whispered sweet nothings, only stopping on the occasion to bark orders at the other Avengers.

Peter tried to ignore how every fiber of his body seemed to suddenly be subjected to hot flames when he was finally lifted up by the red and gold. As they took off into the air, Peter moaned, head throbbing to the same rhythm of his uneven pulse. His senses were both still dulled and on overdrive. He couldn’t even enjoy the way the cool air that filtered past them brought relief to his burning body because of the simultaneous wind sounds and air pressure that pounded in his ears.

Landing had to be worse than flying though. Peter wasn’t sure how long they’d been in the air for prior to hitting the ground, but the jostle it wrought was enough to displace Peter’s empty stomach such that his body, tired as it was, instinctually lurched forward in an attempt to dry heave. The strong arms holding him tightened their fatherly grip as Peter trembled in the aftermath, praying that the numbness he felt before might return and mask this pain once again.

There seemed to be no time to try and relax though. Almost immediately after his stomach attempted to turn inside out did a group of hands try to pry the crime-fighting-spider from his human safety blanket. Peter half expected the metal man to defend him, so when the man instead began the relinquish the hold he had on Peter to the group of strangers, Peter felt fear strike his heart.

“No!” he cried out, pushing back into the chest of the one person he knew was safe while trying to violent kick at his attackers.

“Pete, it’s okay. They just want to help. You’re safe,” The figure spoke in his ear, voice smooth and even, never once showing there was a reason to panic.

The words seemed to cocoon the spiderling up like his favorite MIT Hoodie. They allowed just the smallest morsel of comfort to sink into his skin and convinced him to momentarily stop bracing against the mass of hands just long enough for them to somehow release him from confines of the vibranium cuffs.

When Peter felt the pressure on his writs dissipate, his arms immediately snapped forward to wrap around his red and gold savior, gripping into the alloy mixture without fear of denting it. The person behind the armor didn’t even flinch he crunched the suit like aluminon foil.

“Don’ wan you ‘o leave me,” Peter slurred.

A couple minutes of silence passed, where the figure just hushed Peter by massaging his arms with one hand, supporting him still with the other, until the teenager could be coaxed into letting go and laying onto a gurney. When he finally relinquished the last of his grip and the medical staff began to work, Peter felt a stab of panic into his heart again. Behind his eyes, he could see the masked faces of his captors, taunting him in his intoxicated, helpless state and reaching to inflict more pain. Before Peter could open his mouth to scream, however, the sensation of someone holding his hand cut through the vision, anchoring him to reality.

The hand was about the size of the metal ones holding onto him earlier, except this time they were made of flesh. They felt soft yet calloused; gentle yet firm.

“Dad?”

Peter blinked a couple times, double vision lining up long enough to see Tony Stark’s face hovering over his own, concerned eyes and a worried smile. He ran his free hand over Peter’s sweat and blood matted hair, just like a parent would.

“It’s okay, little Bambino. I’m not going anywhere.” ~~~~~~~~

Peter didn’t remember calling Tony “Dad.” Actually, Peter didn’t remember much from his recuse at all. He wasn’t as embarrassed about it as his mentor, and even he himself, thought he was going to be though. Peter had recused people from kidnapping situations before and accepted that sometimes they say and do weird things. Never mind the fact that he had been fighting off calling Iron Man “Dad” in everyday conversations about a month prior to the incident.

Surprisingly, Peter was more flustered to find out that, true to his word, Tony stayed with him through all the poking, prodding, and evaluating. Even when surgery was deemed necessary

to reset some broken bones Peter had, Tony was there while he was put under and prepped for surgery. It was not until the lead doctor, Helen Cho, insisted that his presence in the surgery suite would be unsanitary and could inhibit the team of doctors that the billionaire finally did step aside. And even still, Tony’s face was the first he saw when he woke up.

Peter made a pretty quick recovery after that, all things considered. Once he gained enough weight back for his super healing to begin and work again, his bones and wounds seemed to knit themselves back together at an astronomical rate. 48 days after the incident and Dr. Cho even cleared him to be Spider-Man again, to Tony and May’s disgruntlement.

But Peter figured, this kind of thing…it happens to heroes. It happened to Tony. Sure, that was before he became Iron Man, but it still counts. And anyway, he didn’t want it to stop him from helping people; from preventing that kind of thing from happening to anyone else. He did the time in the hospital, he went to Tony’s mandated therapy, he should be able to be Spider-Man. It was the best thing for him anyway; to just move on.

Because that’s what heroes do.

Right?

But while he may have recovered from his physical wounds, his mental ones seemed tattooed with ugly ink on the back of his skull

Peter found he no longer felt safe in the apartment, with the sounds of the city beneath him. Whenever he closed his eyes, the dripping of their old bathroom faucet, or the sounds of his neighbors arguing, or the smell of the trash on the curb somehow brought him back to that grimy warehouse he had been kept in.

And when he was out and about, Peter’s Spidey Sense would constantly thrum. It made him seem paranoid. He would jump at just the sound of car doors closing or cats meowing or even just his friends approaching from behind. Everyone felt too close, but also too far.

The nightmares had to be the worst of it. Every night, he felt tortured again. Sometimes they were memories, sometimes imaginative scenarios, but always his fears playing out before his eyes. He tried to immerse himself with Spider-Man patrols and schoolwork in the late hour of night when sleep felt like imprisonment, but that wasn’t helping his mental state either.

That’s how Peter found himself sleeping at the Tower.

Peter wasn’t sure if being so high up and far away from the streets was what helped him calm down, or the bullet proof windows, or if it was just being close to Tony, but something about the Tower allowed him to sleep, even if only a little bit.

May was the first to approve of the arrangement.

“Anything to help my baby get better,” she said.

Tony had been pushing for him to stay anyway.

“It’s safer,” the genius would claim. And he was right, but there was more too it than that.

Either way, the Spiderling now had his own Star-Wars themed room in the Stark penthouse, down the hall from the master bedroom. And he would be lying if he said staying with his mentor hadn’t been great. The long lab days, the movie nights, the expensive family dinners, all of it was wonderful…except for one thing.

Thunderstorms.

KA-DUUUM!

Peter snapped forward in his bed, a mangled shout caught somewhere in this throat, never to make it out into the open. His eyes darted to the window which was being battered by rain. Part of him was thankful for the thunder for waking him from his impending nightmare. The other part of him, however, knew that this was almost worse.

FU-FOOM!

Another burst of noise had Peter jumping from his bed and into fighting position, hands balled into fists to keep them from shaking.

The tower was not soundproof. And being so high up, Peter felt the sounds of the storm were the only things that were made to be even louder.

Peter could feel see his veins throbbing with increased blood pressure. He squeezed his eyes shut to try and focus on his breathing, but the darkness behind his eyelids made his mind swim with anxiety.

“There is nothing to fear. There is nothing to fear. I’m safe here. I’m safe here,” Peter whispered to himself.

Logically, Peter knew this was just a harmless storm. He used to love watching them out of the massive windows in the tower. But ever since he came home from being kidnapped, he couldn’t handle it. The noises, the flashes of light, the way the tower seemed sway in the wind, all of it was too much for his heightened senses. The worst of it was, he didn’t know why. Maybe it was because it had been storming the night of his capture, or maybe it was just his PTSD, but either way it was driving him insane.

BARROOOM!

This time, Peter darted out of his room and into the hallway. Instinctually, he wanted to seek out comfort from the only other person in the house: Tony Stark. However, Peter was also trying to hide his fear of thunderstorms from his mentor, and up to this point he thought he had done a pretty damn good job. He had even had Ned hack FRIDAY so she wouldn’t alert Tony when he wasn’t sleeping well. He just didn’t want anyone to worry about him more than they already did. Which was a lot, by the way.

Tony didn’t need anything more weight on his mind, in Peter’s opinion. Despite how he hid behind a mask of sarcasm and sunglasses, Peter knew his mentor blamed himself for the world’s problems and carried that weight on his shoulders at all times. What kind of person would he be to add to that weight?

So, the young superhero padded past the Stark master bedroom and instead went into the kitchen to grab some water. He was about halfway done with his glass when another flash of lightening caused the kitchen-living area to momentarily flicker to life with a blinding white light. He could feel his stomach drop and hairs stand on end in the pitch black that followed, waiting for the room to be filled with sounds of thunder.

WA-BAMM!

CRASH!

Peter dropped his glass to the floor and jumped to the ceiling, whimpering when the glass he was using shattered beneath him. Tears pricked at the corner of his eyes as he crawled into the safety of a corner.

“Peter?”

Tony poked his head up over the back of his luxury couch, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes to help them adjust to the dark as he scanned the room for the spiderling. It wasn’t long before he spotted the human-sized form on the ceiling, huddling in a corner, silently sobbing.

“Oh Pete…”

Before Tony could even get up to go collect his kid, thunder struck again.

BUUU-DUDUMM!

Inhibitions falling, Peter scurried across the ceiling and dropped down on the couch next to Tony, curling up into his side like an infant.

“Dad, I’m sacred…” he mumbled into the genius’ oil-stained shirt, fear completely taking over.

Tony was sure Peter was unaware of what he had called him, but one look into the teen’s desperate, pleading eyes, and Tony decided he would let it be. The title gave him a warm, tingling feeling anyway. He knew in a second, he would be honored to be this kid’s Dad.

So, Tony did what any Dad would do and wrapped his arms around the boy, rubbing circles into his back and told him it would be okay. And they sat like the for the whole duration of the storm, until sobs became sniffles.

Peter was the first to break away, although not far enough that he was out of his mentor’s strong hold.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Stark. I don’t know what came over me,” he said, faced flushed from both crying and embarrassment.

Tony gave him the same concerned eyes and a worried smile that he vaguely remembered from his rescue. The man then ran his hand through the boy’s curls and, in a move that surprised them both, kissed the top of Peter’s head.

“You have nothing to be ashamed of. I know how difficult recovery can be. After Afghanistan…well…I guess you could say storms bothered me too, and I don’t have your senses,” the billionaire admitted.

Peter was shocked.

“Really? Is that why you were sleeping on the couch?” he asked.

“Uhh, actually, I just stay out here because I worry about you…ya know, in case you need me,” Tony answered, looking away a little nervously. He felt exposed, although deep inside knew his kid would never exploit that.

“Oh. I’m sorry,” Peter said quietly.

Tony noticed his guilt sinking in and immediately looked back at the kid and squeezed his arm so Peter would do the same.

“Hey, don’t be sorry. I really don’t mind.”

Peter looked skeptical.

Tony sighed.

“Listen. You are so good, Pete. What happened to me, I deserved that. But you? You do nothing be help people who have no advocate. I am so proud of you and the least I can do is be here when you need me. I’m not particularly good with my emotions but know that just how Iron Man will always look out for Spider-Man, Tony Stark will always look out for Peter Parker. Okay?”

Peter smiled. A genuine smile. Tony could swear it stopped raining in the moment and the room seemed almost brighter.

“I’m here for you too,” Peter said.

Damn this kid was too good.

“It won’t always hurt like this. It’s okay to lean on other people. I guess that’s something I’m still learning too.”

“We’ll get through this, Mr. Stark. Together.”

Tony smiled down at his kid, but a sudden thought turned his sweet smile into a mischievous smirk.

“Don’t you mean ‘Dad’?”

Peter flushed.

“Mrrrr. Starrrkkk.”

#irondad #irondad and spiderson #spiderson #fanfic #my work

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wreckofawriter · 4 years ago

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Pulled Apart

~Part 1~ ~Part 3~

Pairings: Sirius Black x reader, Regulus Black x reader, James Potter x reader, Remus Lupin x reader

Word Count: 2.6k

Warnings: Swearing?

Summary: Everyone is lost in the world as the man soon to be called the Dark Lord rises to power. Your parents are already ready to give their life along with your own for this man. You spend your seventh year in Hogwarts being pulled apart by the expectations for you and the hope placed in you by your childhood friend Sirius and his closest companions

A/n: Sorry I've been so inactive. I just finished my last week of school and I had a shit ton of projects to do and now its summer so I feel empty... anyway hope you guys like it! Also check out my 2k celebration

A soft giggle met your ears, its familiarity was hypnotizing, its source just out of reach. You gazed around the room trying to find the origin of the noise, the shimmering gowns and sharp sound of heels on marble confused your senses. You felt a soft tap on your shoulder, the feeling of relief rolled over you as you greeted the curious grey eyes of your best friend. You reached your hand out to touch his cheek but instead of meeting skin, your fingers fell through as if you had tried to hold the wind. Suddenly you were shoved forward falling through the mist you had been convinced was Sirius and landing on the ballroom floor. Your white dress spilled around you as you tried to stand.

“Y/n, are you alright?”

You looked up to see Regulus, he was dressed in a formal suit, his hair brushed back from his face. He held his hand as an offer which you took. As you were pulled upright you glanced down at your gown, its brilliant white and delicate lace were blinding. A vail spilled down your back, a golden band shimmering on your left hand.

You felt your heart speed as your eyes darted around the crowded room of blurred faces. They landed on your mother her smirk ever present as her face twitched into one of a pale demon. Your breaths were short and useless.

“Y/n?”

You looked up at Regulus who now held your hands gingerly in his own, a soft look of concern graced his sharp-cut features. You felt dizzy, the heels you wore digging into the back of your feet. The thin lace of your dress did nothing to hide the tattoo stabbed into the skin of your forearm. A snake pulling from a skull in a gruesome scene. You opened your mouth to scream.

You sat up suddenly in your bed. The sheets you were tangled in felt slick with sweat, a shiver rippling your body. Your memory began to do flips as the strange dream that had woken you evaded the present thoughts of your mind. You stared at the dull grey light which blanketed your dorm, the quiet sound of Bellatrix’s snores giving you no comfort. It felt wrong, sleeping so close to your enemies. That’s what they were now right? Enemies. Or maybe the conversation you had had with the curious man in half-moon spectacles had been some twisted, far away dream as well. You couldn’t quite think straight, your stomach churned with the familiar feeling dread.

You leaned for your wand which stood on the small table next to your bed, you flicked it with a whisper, and light filled the small curtains which surrounded you. Sliding them aside you stepped from beneath your blanket, warm feet cooling on the stone floor. You pulled on a sweatshirt and padded quietly towards the door. Pushing it open carefully you thanked the hinges for their silence and began down the steps.

You had always preferred the castle at night, the sliver moonlight which filtered through the windows, the soft whine of the wind, the snores of portraits. Not to mention the lack of prying eyes and the comfort of solidarity which you rarely felt. It was all calming, therapeutic.

Your original destination had been the astronomy tower but when you heard a pair of footsteps in your path you turned quickly and instead headed for the small courtyard. You made it without incident, the sound of the falling water paired with the chirp of crickets was lulling.

You slide to the ground, back resting on the cool concrete of the fountain, and leaned your head upward. The moon was nearing full, stars bright and blinking. The night was slowly fading, you still weren’t sure what time it was but your guess was close to three.

Dumbledore’s words repeated in your head, the image of a young Sirius sobbing in front of you spilling in your vision as you slipped from reality. You felt your eyes sting with unshed tears before you managed to blink them away.

“Y/n?”

Your head snapped forwards, eyes opening as you instinctively raised your wand. You peered over its point to see James Potter. His hair was its usual curly mess, glasses crooked on his nose, his dark eyes peering down at you in confusion.

You stood too quickly, wand lowered to your side, “What are you doing out of bed?”

He grinned, “I was going to ask you the same.”

You folded your arms in front of you, “Well I asked first.”

“Well, I’m head boy so I win.” He smirked pointing to the small pin which shimmered on his robes.

You scoffed, “There’s nothing to win.” turning away from the boy you prepared to leave.

He tsked his tongue taking a few hurried steps until he stood in front of you, “Seriously y/n, you didn’t think you were getting away this easy did you?”

“I was kind of hoping I would.” you scowled, “But I supposed you are wearing the snitch badge.”

“It’s not a snitch badge.” James defended, your eyes rolled. He paused sighing, “Look y/n, just tell me what you were doing. I’m not going to sell you out to anyone.”

You glanced up at him in consideration, “You first, you’re not doing any narc duties this late so you’re out here for a reason too.”

“Stubborn.” He mumbled but complied, “Fine, I was setting up a prank.”

“Liar.” You stated plainly, “I’m not stupid Potter.”

He furrowed his brows, “Why would I lie?”

You shrugged, “I don’t know, you tell me.”

“I’m not lying.” He argued, pushing his glasses up his nose.

You narrowed your eyes at him scanning his appearance, “Fine.” you said finally and James released a breath.

“So why are you out?” He asked hurriedly.

You hummed, “No reason really. I just can’t think in my dorm.”

James frowned, “Why wouldn’t you tell me that?”

“More fun to watch you struggle,” you explained with a grin, “I don’t know why you care in the first place.”

“Because we’re friends.”

You clicked your tongue, “Are we?”

He laughed lightly, “You’re such an asshole sometimes.”

“That’s rude.” You respond, “Look I’m exhausted, I’m heading back.”

“I’ll walk with you,” James stated. You rolled your eyes again.

You both headed back through the corridors and down towards your common room in silence, neither of you were too fond of getting caught, the idea of detention wasn’t all that appealing.

“So what were you thinking about?” James asked as you reached the safety of the dungeons.

“What?”

“You said you went to the courtyard to think,” He explained, “What about?

“None of your business,” you answered quickly, happy to see your escape approaching.

James pushed his glasses up his nose, he didn’t like the feeling of paranoia you seemed to adopt. It was unsettling. He wondered if Dumbledore had asked you about joining the Order but didn’t dare bring it up.

“Well, uh thanks for walking me.” You spoke turning to face him.

James smiled, “It’s no problem.”

You gave him a tight-lipped smile and a small wave before whispering a password and disappearing behind the slowly opening wall.

Something was definitely up with you.

You sighed heavily, your eyelids seemed to weigh pounds as you started across the room. The sudden click of a light turning on caused your heart to jump.

“Merlin, Nina.” You gasped, hand over your chest. “You scared the shit out of me.”

She glared at you, her arms crossed in front of her, “Where were you?”

“Nowhere,” You replied. “Just out.”

“Who were you talking to?” She continuted.

“No one, what’s up with the interrogation?”

She ignored you, “You were with Sirius weren’t you? Really y/n? Right after he broke Pearl’s heart?”

“I wasn’t with Sirius.” You deadpanned, “And it wouldn’t matter if I was.”

“Who were you with then?” She pressed standing from her seat, her sea-green eyes boring into you in ways which made you shiver.

“I happened to run into James, it was no big deal.”

Her eyes narrowed, “Why did he walk you back?”

“How am I supposed to know?” You huffed.

She paused, tucking her shimmering black hair neatly behind her ears, “You’re lucky I don’t tell Pearl about you sneaking out again. She would be ticked off.”

“Whatever.” You mumbled heading back towards your dorm, Nina behind you, her hands tucking into her silk robe which cost more than it should have.

“Why even are you friends with Black?” She asked as you reached the top of the stairs, “He’s an asshole.”

“We’ve known each other forever.” You reasoned.

Nina scoffed, “Doesn’t change the fact that he’s a dick.”

You shrugged heading towards your bed, “Night Nina.” You sighed as you tugged your blanket over your shoulder. Images of tattoos and white dress suddenly conquered your mind. For some reason, Pearl’s heartbreak was the last thing on your mind.

The next morning was fuzzy around the edges, like some sort of haze. You felt half dead and half paranoid as if the entire school had somehow overheard the conversation you and Dumbledore had had the night before.

Nina didn’t speak to you about your conversation a few hours ago as you readied yourself. She had always been like that, blunt and stern. If she had wanted more information on where you had been she would have gotten it. You supposed being a muggleborn Slytherin made her that way. The only thing that kept her from being completely dehumanized by many of the Slytherins was her money. Despite being muggleborn you were pretty sure she was richer than anyone in the house which meant she could almost blend in with the spoiled rich kids you had grown up with.

Nina lead you towards the hall for breakfast rambling about some test she had in History of Magic and how you should really be studying more.

“Y/n! Nokomis!” A familiar voice called over the murmur of the crowded hallway.

You whipped around to greet none other than Sirius Black.

Nina’s face scrunched in disgust, “What do you want Black?”

“I need to borrow y/n for a moment.” He grinned but there was a sense of forgery to it.

“I’ll see you in a minute.” You whispered to the olive-skinned girl before starting towards Sirius whos smile had dropped.

“Whats up Siri?” You asked falling into step with your friend before suddenly being shoved sideways. You stumbled into a closet, hand pressing into a broom handle as your foot struck a small bucket on the ground. The door was shut and you were thrown into darkness

“Godric Sirius, what the hell is going on?” You hissed reaching out to try and find him but missing and tripping forward.

Sirius caught you in his chest your momentum sending him backward, colliding with the door. He didn’t seem to care as he snatched your hands into his own.

“You said yes last night right?” His voice sounded desperate.

You stiffened, swallowing thickly, “Yeah.”

In seconds he had you wrapped in his arms, your face pressed into the fabric of his dress shirt as he buried his head into your neck.

Shock froze you in your place for a moment before you melted into his embrace, the scent of mint and smoke filling you. Your worries seemed to wash away as Sirius held you, his quickened heartbeat loud in your ears, his breath hot on your neck. You felt the color rise to your cheeks and you only fisted his shirt, trying to pull him impossibly closer

“You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to get you away from that shit,” he mumbled into your ear.

And suddenly it was all back, the dread, the anger, the fear. You were crying before you even knew it. Thick tears spilling from your eyes as you muffled sobs into the boy’s chest.

“Shit y/n, what’s wrong?” Sirius asked pulling back and prying you away from him so he could look you in the eye, now adjusted to the dim lighting.

You only cried harder raising your hands to your face to hide yourself.

Sirius was stunned, he couldn’t remember the last time you had cried in front of him, it must have been years ago. A slight panic filled him, “I’m so sorry. Did I say something? I didn’t-”

“It’s not you.” You whimpered, “I’m so scared Siri, I’m just so fucking scared.”

Sirius felt his face drop, eyes softening before he pulled you back into him, a hand threading through your hair. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you,” he mumbled, “I’ll keep you safe. I promise.”

You didn’t get a chance to see Nina or the others before classes. Instead, you headed for Arithmancy, a class you had grown to hate more than you should have. It didn’t help that Professor Vector hated your guts. She ignored your questions and always called on you for answers despite the fact that your hand was never raised. There was only one saving grace in the dreadful class and that was Remus Lupin.

You had been placed next to the boy by your professor on the first day of your seventh year and since then he had become a lifeline. On your way to the classroom you hated so much you did everything you could to not look like you had been sobbing in a broom closet moments before, you didn’t do much good.

You walked into the class head down wishing you had a hood to hide under. Remus was already in his seat a book covering most of his face. When you fell into your own place next to him releasing a soft sigh the book was dropped onto the table in front of him.

“Are you okay?” He asked. It had been barely fifteen seconds since you entered the classroom.

You gave him a weak smile, “I’m fine.”

Remus frowned, “Here.” his wand was suddenly out and pointed towards you. The boy didn’t miss the slight flinch that you gave but said nothing to it, “Tergeo.” He mumbled and the smeared trails of mascara were wiped away, your face left as a clean slate.

Remus felt his eyes flirt down towards your lips for only a moment before he pulled away, knowing he had stared just a second too long. “Sorry.”

You laughed lightly, “Why are you apologizing?”

His ears went red, he glanced down at his hands feeling a bit stupid.

You shook your head smiling. Your hand ran through your hair, and you groaned slightly, “My hair is so gross right now.” You muttered under your breath attempting to brush through the tangles with your fingers.

“Here.”

You moved your gaze back to your desk partner who now had his hand out, offering the navy beanie which had been placed on his head moments ago.

“Really?” You asked eyes wide as Remus shoved the hat into your arms, his own eyes looking at anything but you.

“Just take it.” He replied thrusting his face back into his book hoping you wouldn’t catch the heat which had now spread to his cheeks.

You pulled the beanie on top of your head tapping the werewolf on the shoulder, “Thanks Re.”

Remus gulped, sure you could see the blush that now filled his face as you smiled warmly at him, his own hat perched on your head, “Of course.” He managed to croak.

Taglist:

@accio-rogers @roslea @k3nz-doodl3 @theseuscmander @sleepingalaska @chloe-geoghegan1 @songforhema @wangmangagavroche @evyiione @atomicpunkrock @fairywriter-oracle @moon-zodiac @willowyreads @approved-by-dentists @itslilithsstuff @captainshazamerica @findzelda

Masterlist

One more thing: I have some major plot points figured out but I suck at story boarding so if there is something you want to see in this fic or ideas for plot, I will totally consider them

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popunktomlinson · 4 years ago

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this is just the mess of all the fics that i read between december ‘19 and may ‘20 for my own reference but if you want to check any out there are stars next to my favorites! this is mostly drarry with some larry, scorbus, and one (1) wolfstar pairing.

Larry:

Missed Connection - kingsofeverything (3k)

Harry is absolutely clueless when it comes to figuring out if other guys are into him, so he enlists his friend Niall to assist. That may or may not be a mistake.

Like Candy In My Veins - littlelouishiccups (85k)

“Um…” Harry said slowly after a moment. “Okay. That’s… this is… Let me get this straight.” He lifted up a hand and swallowed. “You told your family that you have a boyfriend… and my name was the first one you thought of?”

(Basically the A/B/O, enemies to lovers, fake relationship, Christmas AU that nobody asked for.)

Forget the Silent Nights - LadyLondonderry (45k)

The last Christmas with the seven of them in that broken old house on Redwood all together was probably one of the most memorable holidays each of them had, what with the wedding and the the snowstorm and the raccoons in their attic…

And the baby they stole, of course.

Point. Drop. Call. - 4ureyesonly28 (2k)

Teenagers get bored on a hot summer day and decide to play a little game…Whoever loses has to call their crush, no matter who or where they are.

Drarry:

Written on the Heart - who_la_hoop (114k)

When he’s hit by an illegal love-spell though, Harry finds he has more to worry about than whether or not Blaise Zabini actually wants to be his friend. For if everyone affected has been blessed – or cursed, by the look on Malfoy’s face – with a magical tattoo revealing the name of their soulmate, what does it mean that Harry’s skin remains completely bare?

hello goodbye (’twas nice to know you) - tamerofdarkstars (5k)

Draco Malfoy thinks he might know whose thoughts are scrawling themselves on his skin, but that's crazy. Impossible, even. It has to be a mistake.

Self-indulgent soulmate AU where the thoughts of your soulmate inscribe themselves on your skin in a shifting magic tattoo

Hope Springs Eternal (But Love Springs in the Forrest, Unannounced) - lettered (12k)

Draco falls into a love spring. Harry saves him! And now they’re bonded for life. Draco is horrified. Harry thinks it’s kind of neat.

The Lesbian Muffin Debacle - abusing_sarcasm (7k)

Pansy and Ginny have a muffin-induced potions accident and Draco and Harry are stuck watching their love life from the sidelines - quite literally. Fortunately, they're able to give each other a hand.

✨The Owl Who Came for Christmas - dracogotgame (18k)

Draco has a debt to pay off, no matter what Potter thinks. And he has a Very Good Idea to go along with it. Things don't go as planned.

Strange Bathfellows - bixgirl1 (28k)

It started with a bath. Or a potions accident. Or maybe it started before that, but who can tell anymore.

Featuring: Uncomfortable wanking, more comfortable wanking, mutual wanking, bath sharing, inappropriate betting, secret shagging, those secrets at Hogwarts that everyone knows, and oblivious Harry who knows one thing: he's falling in love.

Something I Don’t Want to Stop - lq_traintracks (16k)

It's Harry and Draco's eighth year, the Houses have been all but demolished in favor of unity, and they're being forced to room together. How ever will they cope?

Psuedo - dysonrules (24k)

Draco runs into an interesting man during a drunken night out. Pansy slips the man Draco's address, not realising that he is actually Harry Potter in disguise.

Things get a bit out of hand after that.

Two Truths and all those Hidden Lies - keyflight790 (8k)

It didn’t matter whether Draco knew about the Polyjuice or not; nor did it matter what face Harry deigned to hide behind in the club. Draco could spot Potter a mile away.

The Other Side to Draco Malfoy - makingitwork (20k)

Draco Malfoy's best friend is Theodore Nott, the only person he trusts. So The Golden Trio decide to make Harry use Polyjuice Potion to see what Draco knows about the war.

The only problem is, while pretending to be Theodore Nott, Harry discovers another side to Draco. A better, lonelier side.

Right Hand Red - lq_traintracks (73k)

Harry felt Malfoy's breath on his lips as they came together over the bottle, hands firmly planted on the floor as though they each needed their familiar soil, refusing to cross into enemy territory.

Except that Malfoy no longer felt like his enemy.

Malfoy felt inevitable.

Good to Me (And I’d Be So Good to You) - AWickedMemory (9k)

Everyone returns to Hogwarts after the war, but nothing is quite the same. Harry's groupies are creepier than ever, Ron and Hermione are snogging all over the place, and the once-proud Draco is shuffling around like a kicked puppy. But that's okay: Harry's got a plan.

Good Company - Greenflares (8k)

With Hermione and Ron always together, Harry's return to Hogwarts to complete his education isn't exactly fun. Somehow, it's his unlikely friendship with Malfoy that keeps him sane.

The Lip-Lock Jinx - Casis Luna (20k)

The Lip-Lock Jinx, a jinx that renders the victim mute that can only be undone in two ways: if the caster reverses the spell on the victim, or if the victim serves the purpose of the jinx and kisses the person that they desire. It’s just Harry’s luck that he gets jinxed by Ginny Weasley and he’s in love with Draco Malfoy.

Like Diamonds We Are Cut With Our Own Dust - raitala (11k)

Draco has borne the mark of the Dark Lord for over ten years. It is familiar to him, but he pays the price for it every day, and Harry has noticed.

Burning the Ground - lq_traintracks (10k)

"Strap him down," someone said, and Harry felt the rage thicken inside him -- the viscous fear.

Magical bindings pulled taut around his wrists . . . He felt a wand touch his arm and then a sharp bite as something punctured the skin, and a sweet, cool tonic rushed his veins.

His breathing slowed. His eyelids drooped. The ceiling went grey and dark. And then he heard a woman's voice sigh, "Someone, get Healer Malfoy."

✨Turn - Saras_Girl (307k)

One good turn always deserves another. Apparently.

Around You Moves -ignatiustrout (30k)

Harry knew Draco was gay when he invited him to move in. He’s never had a problem with this. So why does he feel so weird about Draco bringing men home all of a sudden?

Who Else But You - jeni_andtheafterthought (6k)

Draco loses his soulmate before he understands what that means. Then, it happens again. Quite the anomaly, Draco is encouraged to keep a journal following the experience. Finding his soulmate, solving the mystery surrounding his soulmate bond may be more than he bargained for.

you’ve got the antidote for me - Kanadakicksass (21k)

When Harry Potter unintentionally severs their soulbond before it can fully form, Draco Malfoy resigns himself to a slow death and decides not to burden Harry with a soulmate he's made it very clear he doesn't want.

✨Grounds For Divorce - Tepre (122k)

Malfoy finds a coin. Harry finds a letter.

A story about histories, a story about families. A story about a lemon tree somewhere in Upper Egypt.

Symbiosis - fireflavored (20k)

sym·bi·o·sis (sĩm'bē-ō'sĩs) n. Biology A close, prolonged association between two or more different organisms of different species that may, but does not necessarily, benefit each member.

Through The Looking Glass and What Draco Found There - magpie_fngrl (17k)

Draco discovers the Mirror of Erised is a portal and he enters an alternate reality where your deepest desires come true. Or how Draco found himself in the world of his dreams and Potter had to come and ruin it.

Bond - AnnaFugazzi (173k)

I started to write this before HBP came out, and crossed my fingers that HBP wouldn't make it totally non-canon. No such luck, I'm afraid. This, therefore, is an AU story, where (SPOILER) still teaches (SPOILER), (SPOILER) didn't try to (SPOILER), (SPOILER) didn't succeed in (SPOILER), (SPOILER) never dated (SPOILER), and most importantly, (MAJOR ENDING SPOILERS) never happened.

Two Wands Make a Right - dannyfranx (21k)

Harry's wand is playing up and Hermione thinks she knows the answer, but why does she have to be right all the time, why does Draco Malfoy have to be so god damn difficult and why is he wearing his tie backwards?

Running on Air - eleventy7 (75k)

Draco Malfoy has been missing for three years. Harry is assigned the cold case and finds himself slowly falling in love with the memories he collects.

You Send Me (Honest You Do) - firethesound (37k)

As far as potion accidents go in general, and deaging incidents go in particular, Draco knew this could have been so much worse. Harry only lost about ten years, and all his memories are still intact. But the sight of him looking as if he’s stepped straight out of Draco’s Hogwarts memories has dredged up a whole mess of complicated feelings Draco thought he’d buried years ago, and Draco really doesn’t know what to do with any of it.

✨What We Pretend We Can’t See - gyzym (131k) ✨

Seven years out from the war, Harry learns the hard truth of old history: it’s never quite as far behind you as you thought.

Eternity - TheFiestyRogue (1k)

On one's 21st birthday, one's soul mark is burnt into one's skin. It could be anything; a name, a number, a symbol.

Technicolor Beat - fortunate_cookie (5k)

"H-Harry, you..I don’t-understand...", the blonde said breathlessly looking to the equally as breathless Gryffindor.

"Yeah. I...yeah...", Harry replied intelligently.

or the one where harry and draco are soulmates and there's a chase involved.

such a softer sin - therewascourfeyrac (16k)

After Draco meets Harry Potter, he's left with two tattoos, one on each wrist. One for a soul mate, one for his enemy. He's never known any one else who has the same name on both wrists.

Just The Two Of Us - Hekatee, Pierian (3k)

Harry finally meets his soulmate. Except his soulmate has been given a heavy dose of morphine and has no idea that his drugged-up rambling includes the words that change Harry's life forever.

Timer - JulietsEmoPhase (2k)

“If a clock could count down to the moment you meet your soul mate, would you want to know?” Of course, Harry had to miss the moment his clock ran out.

Two Weeks - shiftylinguini (22k)

If Harry had to guess which out of he or his Auror Partner, and tentative new friend, Draco Malfoy, would turn out to have Veela ancestry, his answer would be: neither, because that is ridiculous. Finding out the answer is actually him, and that his Veela heritage is wreaking havoc on his ability to work, sleep, and above all be in the same room as Malfoy, is a surprise to say the least. But this is fine. Harry’s been through worse, and he can just sit this one out, regardless of how much his body is screaming for the one person he doesn’t want to ask for help. Can’t he?

A Convenient Impracticality - firethesound (39k)

Somehow Harry ends up agreeing to a fake relationship with his ex-nemesis-turned-friendly-acquaintance-with-benefits, except for some reason it involves an awful lot of actual dating and, sadly, not much sex. Confused? Harry is too, but when has anything with Draco Malfoy ever been as straightforward as it seems?

Precious Memories - ravenclawsquill (18k)

When Harry’s Pensieve breaks with a very important memory trapped inside, he has no choice but to hire an expert to repair it. Then Draco Malfoy steps out of his Floo, and Harry isn’t sure what to expect. He certainly isn’t anticipating tea, biscuits and gold-rimmed glasses.

Helix - Saras_Girl (93k)

Seven months after the end of the war, Harry is feeling lost. Fortunately, he is about to be offered an unexpected and sparkling chance to find himself again.

Temptation on the Warfront - alizarincrimson (180k)

Draco Malfoy is forced into hiding with the Golden Trio and dragged into their search for horcruxes. What ensues is a journey of redemption, unexpected friendships and an unwanted, turbulent romance with Harry Potter. Warnings for swearing, sexual content, and dark themes.

Scorbus:

re-read:

The Unicorn Incident - who_la_hoop (18k)

Growing up is hard to do, especially in the shadow of your father's reputation. Scorpius Malfoy has a tough time keeping his resolution to be the best Slytherin he can be when schoolboy games, unicorns, incompetent friends and a beloved enemy all conspire to teach him something different – and rather wonderful – about himself.

Scorpius Malfoy’s Future Wife - josephinestone (2k)

Albus Potter and Rose Weasley's parents have a bet on who Scorpius Malfoy is going to marry. If it's Lily, they will be just like Ginny and Harry; If it is Rose, they'll be just like Ron and Hermione. Harry witnesses the answer.

Never Trust A Slytherin - who_la_hoop (12k)

Al grinned. It would be the crowning glory of his final year – the one thing that would prove, once and for all, that he was not his dad in any way, shape or form. He would seduce a Slytherin – the son of his father's great enemy – and prove to Scorpius Malfoy his perfect trust in him. How hard could it be?

Wolfstar:

The Electric Fizzing Prick Pistols, or Whatever - whitmans_kiss (4k)

Everyone is born with Words on their arm that connect them to their Soulmate. James finds his, Sirius had everything figured out back in First Year, Peter doesn’t talk to girls anyway, and Remus thinks he’d very much just like to put his earmuffs back on and disappear.

#fic rec #read #drarry #drarry fic rec #fics #mine

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btsjeonjazz · 6 years ago

Text

All I’ve got II pt. 6

Jungkook x reader

genre: ANGST, bestfriend!Jungkook, tattooed!Jungkook

word count: 12.1k

I’m so sorry that it took forever to write this.

Jeon Jungkook was a tall guy, handsome with all those ethereal artwork tattooed on his arms..and your best friend. He was by your side whereas you faced a painful heartbreak, caressing your hurt soul for as long as you needed him. But how much can a friendship withstand if one of the two develops feelings?

Jungkook was never the guy to take anything seriously from the start, but you were different. Everything inside his head right now blurring as the pain of loosing his dearest person in life washed over him, feeling just the same as the time he was left behind once. The same hurtful ache clenching his beating muscle, the only thing he was able to feel outside in the cold..

It wasn't even felt as the skin of his knuckles popped open once again. The many times he had found himself in a fight or punching walls summed up the last few months. That's why Jungkook didn't even realize the pain seeping from his hand up the elbow as his fist met the apartment's outer walls the fifth time in a row now. Maybe even the sixth time? The raging guy lost count, the burn behind his eyelids getting worse as he closed them to hold out for another menacing punch against the wall to get rid of that hotness inside his black pupils.

The only thought flashing his inner eye your slugged shoulders, your stiff back, the goosebumps caused by the freezing wind, already confident that you would catch a cold by the middle of the upcoming week. Still. The raven haired, confused former best friend of yours didn't run after you. Of course, he knew he fucked up the entire situation, and the worst, it wasn't meant as you apprehended it. The incident and everything including it a big misunderstanding.

But would you believe him now? Not after your outburst and his insufficient reaction. Jungkook should've explained the moment you stood in front of him, but he knew you too well. Talking to you about it while you were having a mental crisis wasn't what would lead you two to a happy ending. Instead of what he was supposed to do, the bleeding boy's head fell into his neck, his black hair messily making it's way onto his forehead covering his tears filled eyes. Did he fuck up completely today? Every little thing? Or was it the alcohol in his body causing him to overthink?

This wasn't the end. It just couldn't be despite the shit you had to witness in the kitchen with Jimin and then the bitch of his annoying sister. A loud cry found it's way out of his throat into the cloudy night and his bleeding fist hit the wall again, numbing the ache filling his heart and replaced the sorrow and anger with adrenalin, soothing his inner pain.

The moment Jungkook stepped back into his apartment up the top floor the door banged against his wardrobe, people turning their heads to see the host and owner. People whose company he enjoyed most disgusted him right now. And Jungkook was sure the sight they had to witness standing in the main door that separated his home from the cold of the hall was even more terrifying and disgusting. Either way, he felt like it. Weak, hurt and furious at the same time. A view he wouldn't want to see in the reflection of the mirror next to him. This in company with the seen shadow of the girl causing the shitload of trouble with you making him snap.

“Get out. Everyone. Now”, he growled, not even lifting his hatred filled, dark eyes – afraid to see himself in the mirror and afraid of the reactions seeing his orbs damp and red. But mostly because he wasn't sure what he would do if he met the pair of ice cold eyes he wanted to scratch out of a certain girl's head.

As no one moved, the music still loudly blasting out of the many speakers decorating the large living room, Jungkook's bleeding hands shot up, grabbing whatever property he got hold off and threw – obviously the bowl key and an old vase on the cardboard – to the ground, the mix of glass and marble shattered, covering the floor in sparkling flinders in front of his black boots. It was that moment almost everyone's eyes curiously, carefully watched the young man's heavy chest rising high before he snapped completely. Why wouldn't they move? Why had he to go as far as this..

“GET THE FUCK OUT!”

Jungkook saw the female guests flinching and his male friends exchanging meaningful, but respectful glances ere a couple dozen people squeezed themselves through the mess on the floor not speaking a single word, being careful not to get in contact with the shaking man standing between them. It was too risky for Jungkook to lift his head as friends and many other acquaintances threw glances his way as they got out without making too much noise, afraid to upset him even more.

The last handful of people stayed behind, Jungkook's view focused on the heavy sight of his boots in between the shattered fragments of his outburst. And right then as he thought the last guest had finally left he lifted his head, his hair damp, clinging to his face. And he froze.

Namjoon, Jimin as well as the troublemaker Kim stood a few meters away from him, their own oculars observing him and changing from the boy's face to the flinders on the ground and back. By the way their expressions also changed he could only guess what they were able to see in front of them. A young man, teary eyes, his knuckles looking like he beat up more than one guy, bleeding, laboured breathing and cold, sweat flowing down his pale neck. There wasn't a better word describing Jeon than down. But their stares didn't mean anything, he couldn't care less, the sounds of crashed flinders heard underneath his shoes as he stepped forward, gesturing tired to the still open door in his back for them to leave him alone now. But neither of them moved, fuelling the black hole that was Jungkook's head after what happened to the two of you, the stinging pain from his punches slowly drifting through his body, suddenly aware that he might've been a bit harsh on himself. And this time he had to deal with his wounds alone.

Namjoon was the first one to speak up, his staggering friend already passed him, his body falling on the leather sofa like an empty bag. “That's how you deal with it? Bro, what the hell happened down there with y/n? Did you two get into a fight?”

Sighing Jungkook threw a menacing death glare over his shoulder, ignoring his closest friend's words. “Get out, Kim, before I forget my manners entirely.”

“I didn't do shit. It's not my fault that sassy bitch assumed something”, the tall girl said, the curve of her evil smile like a red rag in Jungkook's black eyes. Kim crossed her arms in front of her chest, her head a little higher than usually and her glance laced with a challenge.

This was the last straw, the muscled young man got up, his hurting hands balled into fists as he stiffly walked over to his bedroom. The door wasn't even closed as a deafening, primal cry was freed from his lungs.

Did he wake up? Or was he awake the entire night? Jungkook didn't know as his stiff, heavy legs met the fluffy carpet in front of his large, messy bed. His hair stood up in different directions, his bare, colored arms even colder than the floor beneath the fluff. The muscly handsome didn't even cover himself for the night, the adrenalin long gone and his body shaking while he desperately stared at his phone, praying to the heavens that you'd come finally online. But there wasn't a sign of your well being. Not even a tiny black dot on the light screen that signalled you were home, most certainly still freezing and wet from the night, but save.

What exactly happened anyway?, he thought, a loud crack heard as he rolled his head on his naked shoulders. Slightly flinching Jungkook fell to the side, his cheek softly hitting his pillow which strangely smelled like your sweet perfume. And then he realized it. He happened. She happened. You happened to be in the wrong room at the wrong time, listening in on something awfully wrong as well. Everything at once and this was the worst. The tattooed boy wanted you, no one else on this planet. You were the one his heart ached, his palms got sweaty and his attitude fuckboy like changed for. Always was and always will, so his determination. But after the night of the party Jungkook wasn't too sure that you'd be able to trust in him as much again, especially regarding his feelings. Yes, he had planned to spread them out for you yesterday, but that plan was shattered too early that evening before he even got a chance to open his mouth. Was there anything he had missed out on? Any small fragment that would've signalled the bad ending of that night? Was it something he did to Kim? Something he had to be punished for after the past days?

The pillow underneath his face, Jungkook closed his eyes, remembering the week he had spent out to fuck and get you off of his mind, but it was nonsense anyway. Maybe he had overseen an important part of the night he spent with Kim that was the reason for her overprotecting behaviour. He loved you and wasn't able not to think about you a second until he was so drunk he didn't get a hard on except for the times the girl wasn't seen and he imagined you.. and then you happened again. Naked, willing, wet and oh so sweet.. Groaning Jungkook's palms covered his scrunched face, hating himself for the erection outlining his boxers. You had that effect on him. Even in this sort of situation and he was powerless against it. And so he was thrown back into the past days, the black pupils of his getting wider the more he thought about you.

It wasn't easy as Jungkook decided to take a week off from everything regarding his feelings. And he failed, but that wasn't what he thought about now. The thing was, that the young man was mad, head over heels to get his heart shattered by the closest person again, after his parents left to chase their dreams, leaving the sixteen year old boy to provide for himself. But he wasn't ready to lose you for whatever he thought he was feeling. And just as his drunk self got the first chick this week, priding himself that he didn't loose his sex appeal, grinning high and mighty while lulling profanities into the average looking girl's ear, he made the mistake to take a quick, blurry glance on his phone. And the many messages and calls lighting your name ruined his mood. He had thrown the girl out of his hotel room before he hastily listened to your worried voice speaking on his mailbox. And there it was again, the steady fastening of his heartbeat, the sweat forming in his palms and the knot in his throat.

Jungkook chuckled sadly as he remembered that. He was that desperate? Fuck yes.

But just as he was about to call you back, to reassure you, he balled his hands into fists, reprimanding himself not to do it. And that was the moment he locked his phone, switched it off and threw it into his black, huge bag where it stayed the few days he didn't leave the hotel room except for the night with Kim. Your voice and his sorrowful self demanding words to burn down the butterflies in his stomach he staggered out of his room to call for the stranger who recently left..

The next thing he tried to get rid off was the memory of Kim and him. He knew he was even more drunk that night, and he blacked out more than once before he saw her slandering towards him on one of the frat parties where all teens got high and had sex, so he granted those parties a visit as well for that purpose of his. He knew her. She was Jimin's little sister. Tall, pretty and willing. A change after the average girls who sucked his cock the nights before hence he was happy to see a familiar face.

“Jeon Jungkook, all alone? No crazy bitch in your arms defending you and scratching every other girl's eyes out?”, Kim giggled as she sat beside him, her fingers dancing over his shoulders. “A rare sight. But I can't say I don't like it that way.” Her eyes shone, the seducing smile deepening.

Jungkook's mind was a haste, a blur of pictures of yourself saying such things, but she wasn't you. He knew that as Jimin's sister leaned forward to grab his drink, her way too sticky perfume hitting his nose. With exaggeration her pink tongue stuck out to taste the edges of the glass.

“Yeah, all alone and ready to fuck”, he just said, his lopsided, half hearted grin telling her what she was good for. Nothing more than a nice fuck getting his mind off of you. “I won't speak around the bush. That's what I'm here for, honey.”

“Honey?”, the light haired girl giggled again. “Because I'm too sweet?”

No, you're smelling like a bath bomb, Jungkook thought evilly, making himself chuckle with his simple, tipsy thoughts which weren't funny at all. “Yes, you're too sweet.”

Kim stroked a loose strand of her locks out of her face, her hand brushing his knee ere she casually laid it on his thigh. “Guess you should taste my sweetness then.”

The moment Jungkook heard those words in combination with her low voice, he couldn't help himself but imagine your taste before he shook his black thatch. That had to stop!

Standing up he led her out of the house, staggering and unsure on his feet, but he somehow succeeded, the door of the chicks home opening in the next second, his hands on her body, closed shut and forgetting his surroundings. But that wasn't all. He had to admit that every second he spent in that pink room he thought of you. Fantasised your own voice calling him 'daddy', feeling your skin underneath his own.. but what he didn't really remember was that the name coming out of his mouth wasn't the girl's. It was y/n. Over and over again he called your name instead of Kim's..

“Fuck”, Jungkook whispered into the light illuminated room of his. Was his own stupidity the cause for her bitchy behaviour and strange reaction yesterday? A farce? A silent payback ruining his relationship towards you by throwing a fit? An act to show you and him not to play around with her again? Although it might make sense, why would she do that in the first place? It was sex. Nothing

more. And that was clear from the beginning.

His feet met the floor in an instant, his phone pressed against his ear as an idea lighted up inside his tired mind.

“Jimin? Tell your sister to meet me around five in front of the convenience store we always chill out after practice”, Jungkook bluffed into the speaking device. “I don't care if she's tired.. Yeah I message her as well to meet up. And better come, too, I don't want it to escalate.”

According to his friend Kim would be at the meeting point an hour later than wanted, but he had to clear the fronts and ask for the reason. And with any luck in this world he would be able to make up with you with her help if she spilled the tea about the reason she acted up yesterday.

The time ticked slowly as Jungkook stood in the cold air of the late evening, Kim still not present. His dark eyes began to nervously glance from one corner down the road and back up to the neon lights above his head. He never thought about it like this, but the small convenience store was once his second, or third, home. It was the time his parents left the young boy all alone as to why he found shelter in the corners of the store, talking to the owner he knew sold the shop last year. It broke his heart though. He loved the company of the older man behind the counter always telling him the most interesting stories about his youth while Jungkook nipped on some banana milk the owner gave him for free daily. The memory and the blinking lights above his beanie covered head Jungkook stared up, the neon lights blurring, hurtful pictures he tried to push to the furthest corner of his mind came alive, a numbing pain spreading out in his chest having the same shades as the pain he suffered from thinking about you. Only that the thought of you brought warmth and longing, not just coldness and sharp knives.

Suddenly he found himself as a teenager, free, shy, quiet and sad. Jungkook had heard his parents argue again, over small things, the usual, and he looked for you, but as you were out with a girl he despised he had looked for another place to stay as long as 'home' was a danger zone. The blue neon sign 'open' was the first thing he saw on the way to you and he went in, the chime above the door loudly signalling his entrance. Jungkook flinched. He wasn't the big bad boy his entire life. More of a shy, lonely boy being afraid to be hurt.

“S-sorry”, he said shyly, his jeans jacket pulled a little closer. There wasn't anyone except for the old owner of the shop eyeing him friendly.

“Lost your way, boy? You're too pale, come here and take a seat”, he heard the man say. Too uncomfortable to say no he sat down, his still short legs hanging from the big stool as if he was a kid. After a while Jeon felt easier around him, the man babbling like crazy, offering him snacks, magazines and a shoulder to lean on. And by the time he left the shop full and tired it was already after twelve, the street light long lighting the venue he walked down, back to your house. This night he spent it with you, telling you from the convenience store guy without mentioning his parent's argument. Never in this world did he feel as good as that night on a day they fought like hell, but that was only the first thunder of what would follow. Ah, what would he give to have known the shit he'd face the next day, the newly discovered shelter in the shop and your arms giving him strength.

It was around eight the next evening after Jungkook came home from a session in the library, mid terms on their way too fast for his liking. That was the reason he spent as many days with you as possible, because his English skill sucked and your maths skills too, so you could help each other out somehow. He already heard his mother's whispers whilst Jungkook slipped off his shoes in the hallway. And the sparks that he heard let him freeze on the spot.

“I won't move from here”, his quiet voice forced his parent's heads to turn around to see him standing in the door, one shoe still on his foot, his jeans jacket halfway down his shoulders.

“Kookie..”, his father's calm tone told him everything he thought he knew. But the next words pressed through his dad's teeth shattered his world. “We are not moving, little boy. I'm moving out and your mum..she'll go and live with your aunt for a while.”

The usually wide eyes of the young boy's slowly drifted apart until he felt his orbs drying up. “What about me then?” His heart stopped beating.

A meaningful view exchanged between his parents ere his mum's feminine vocals echoed from the walls breaking his young heart in two. “You're staying here. We cared for you enough, didn't we? You're old enough to stay alone. And if you feel lonely you still got that y/n girl with you, yeah?”

The next thing he knew and realized were your arms wrapped tightly around his waist, his heavy head buried in your scalp while you two stood outside your house in the warmth of the summer night, the stars above your heads. Soothing, loving words reached his ears like an otherworldly sound, but not strong enough to calm his shaking body. Such a message from the two most important persons in his life hurting the sixteen years old boy like a hammer hitting his head. Of course he expected his parents to divorce soon, but leaving him all alone, to care for himself although he didn't even graduate from high school? How should life continue on like this? Jungkook felt lost, afraid of the future. Everything he wanted was to run away with you.

“Stay”, was the first word he barely perceived from your sweet voice almost inaudible from your quiet sobs. This moment he realized another thing. You would never leave him. Never in this nor another life, his shelter, his rock, his anchor he could come to and find the peace needed.

A nod was what he was able to give you as an answer, Jungkook's arms shooting up to surround your face before he pulled it up to try seeing earnest and sincerity in the light spots of your eyes, red and teary as his, but what he saw instead was the reason he changed so drastically. Pain, sorrow and unconditional trust in his own mental strength firing up behind your pupils. Determination to make him stay. And he would. For you. Jungkook fell to the ground with you the next moment, his sobs loud and frantic, but with your hands clinging tightly around his trembling body he knew he was save. And allowed to show the weak him he was back then.

It took the young boy a lot to get over the loss he had to experience because of his selfish parents, his heart definitely not ready to be ripped out of his heavy chest. But he discovered that you and your own parents were his wings as he needed them, accompanied by the shop's owner and his band members he had met as he got himself his first tattoo. The black and white tiger on his upper arm. It was when he already had the image of the bad boy, although he was the complete opposite at that time, insecure, shy, hurt. Nonetheless he came out of the black hole his parents dug him, ready to fight for what he wanted in another, peaceful way without getting involved with anybody but you. All the girls he had throughout that difficult time were distractions, nothing more serious than the change of weather or another smoked cigarette – knowing you despite that. That's why it was a hundred times worse that he felt so much for the precious little girl he knew his lifetime.. and now she was too far away to reach out for when he felt the loneliest. As of now..

The neon light above Jungkook's head flickered a few times pulling him out of his gloomy thoughts, his view focusing on the half moon a few meters higher. The tattooed handsome had to blink more than once, to get rid of the burning behind his lids and to realize where he was. The memory somehow still popped out once in a while, bringing back the many emotions ripping him apart. Right now he wanted nothing more to be assured that you were here with him, holding him whilst he just breathed in and out to calm himself. But that was impossible.

Another twenty minutes have passed.

“Fuck her”, he whispered into the early night, ready to turn around as he made out a shadow closing the distance between it and him. With deeply furrowed eyebrows he witnessed Kim casually swinging her small hips towards him, Jimin close behind. At least they came, not as he expected, but he could finally exhale a breath of relief. Jimin in their company was even better as he would be able to be the witness of her words and could strengthen his own towards you. This thought alone encouraged him to keep going.

“You're fucking late”, Jungkook said, crossing his arms in front of his broad chest.

“Be happy I'm here willing to talk to you, asshole”, Kim spat, her pink lips neatly painted. “Better thank Jimin after you threw us out two days ago!”

It wasn't easy to stay composed hearing her tone, but he had to cope with this bitch for the sake of your friendship. That's why he put on a fake smile he mastered over the years alone, his vocals dark and melodic: “I'm sorry for that, but as you might know do I have feelings for y/n. And you kind of ruined it-”

“Feelings for her?”, the girl's surprised words weren't what he expected from her, interrupting his confession. Further did he think Kim would be a bit more..understanding. She was a girl whose heart was broken pretty often if he believed Jimin's words, though she should know what would help in his complicated case. She was the reason you had snapped, so she should be able to fix it!

Furrowing his black eyebrows again Jungkook shifted from one foot on the other. “Yes.”

Then Jimin who didn't say a word since they arrived opened his mouth to say something, but was overtuned by the loud laughter echoing through the streets. Kim burst out, holding her stomach.

“Jeon Jungkook in love with his best friend?! Hilarious! Fuckboy number one, Jeon Jungkook!”, Jimin's little sister slapped his shoulder, the corners of her eyes wet. “I can't believe that shit..”

Her laughter slowly changed into something that caused goosebumps all over Jungkook's strong body and he and his friend exchanged glances fast. Kim's laughter evolved into a loud sob after the other, people passing them throwing mischievous stares their way as she began to bury her face into her hands. What the hell was happening? An act? Wide doe eyes looked for help in all directions. The hell was happening?

'Did she take drugs?', Jungkook's lips formed, but the cute Jimin staring at him looked as confused as he felt. Jimin had no clue either.

“You're the worst, Jeon”, Kim spat at him again after a while, her eyes puffy, the perfect drawn lipstick cracking on her dry mouth. “I told you that I love you the night you fucked me, asshole. Always flirting with me, showing up to save me from my ex, making incitations that you like me, too! How dare you hurt me like that?”

Okay, now it was time to defend, Jungkook thought, holding up his hands. Whatever she made up was wrong. He had never heard her say such words. And it was common to help a girl almost beaten up by her ex! “Wow, calm down. I never showed any interest in you despite that night I told you that I just want to fuck, nothing more. You knew who I am, what I do to girls better than anyone as you're always close to watch. And you tell me how wrong that was to you?”

Jimin began to rub his sister's back while his chocolate brown eyes constantly flew to the dark haired boy with the beanie. This situation escalated in a way he didn't even imagine it could be possible. Kim fell for him? When? For what unbelievable reason would she even fall for someone like him? He was an asshole, a fuckboy who only played with girls like herself. Someone she would never dare to get feelings for. Furthermore didn't they even have one decent talk about anything this world could offer.

“Kim..I told you that night. I'm not a good boy. Never was and never will be. Please calm down now”, he heard himself say before he took a step forward. Why would girls always cry anyway? It was the most annoying about this sort of incidents.

She didn't answer, and she didn't need to as Jungkook wasn't stupid. He knew why she acted like this the night of that party. It was definitely not because he was dumb and called out your name while having her wrapped around him, no. If she really fell for him as she claimed there was no need to go on with what he hoped for. A serious explanation he could offer you about Kim. But this went down the wrong road. How would Jungkook be able to explain Kim's feelings for him without telling you that he had fucked her because of you? That didn't make sense at all, not even in his head. And this was the moment he realized that he had no clue what he expected from this meet up in the first place. It would've turned out with the same outcome at the end anyway. Jeon had to tell you why he fucked around. Be it with Jimin and Kim behind him or without. Yes, he planned to confess to you two days ago, but not like this! You were understanding, but this was ridiculous.

All hope and strength lost him and he fell with his butt on the pavement, his legs spread wide as the thought of it flooded him. Talking to you without a proper explanation was useless.

As the girl's voice got loud again he didn't even hear her words properly: “I'm not blind or dumb. Of course I saw the way you look at her. The way your entire body tenses around that bitch. How your eyes only focus on her body when she moves, laughs or whatever the fuck she does. But I want you to look at me like this! I wanted to show her whose guy you should be. That night she even dared to throw insults at you and I snapped..”

“Go home, Kim. Sleep it through and forget me. Don't come to our shows for a while and you'll get over those so called feelings you developed for me, okay?”, his voice was a shadow of himself. Low, lost, confused. What should he tell her now? There wouldn't be a happy ending for her and him. Not now. Not in the distant future. Not even if she tried so hard to get you out of his mind with throwing you to the ground and claiming him to be hers. It wasn't true at all. And she should get that after he already declared his actions that one time he hooked up with Kim. But girls never listen or learn.

“Bro..”, it was the first time Jimin spoke that later evening. “I'm sorry I couldn't help, but I hope you find peace at least tonight.” Kim staggered from her tiny outburst, her brother holding her tighter in his arms. “I'll call you when we get home, yeah? Don't stay out here all alone too long.”

With that he took his baby sister by her arm to get her to move to his car that must be parked a few blocks away. Jungkook wasn't surprised to see Jimin calm and composed over this matter. Not a single twinkle between his brows he usually had when he was upset. Nothing. The one emotion in his eyes deep understanding and compassion for both, him and his sister. Feelings were feelings nobody could switch off or on whenever they wanted. Jungkook's anger towards Kim that inflated the hours before the meet up popped like a bubble. Feelings made everything complicated.

Jungkook sat there for over an hour staring into the dark lonely street, his mind empty. This didn't help at all.

Almost two weeks passed and you still won't contact Jungkook. The young man had slept on your porch, called you and once he saw you angrily storming down the road, ignoring the hell out of him as he desperately tried to get your attention, but seeing you like this wouldn't bring you a step forward as to why he stopped it and decided to wait a while longer for you to calm down. And now, the monday after the last one he sat in the front of the convenience store Jungkook was asked to prepare the stuff his band needed for their next big gig. This also included the grocery shopping and getting Joons new guitar from the guitar shop in town. Thanks to Jimin he didn't have to go around alone. The talk between the two of them had it's difficulties at first as Jimin was kinda upset with Jungkook, scolding him for his fuckboy image he proved again. If it just wasn't his sister.

“You shouldn't have touched her”, he demanded, the older boy's hat pulled deeply in his face. “Kim's a gorgeous girl, Kook..”

Jeon wouldn't let the words get real hence he interrupted his friend with bumping into his shoulder. “I won't date her. I love..someone else.” He wasn't ready to speak out your name yet. Not in front of Jimin or anyone else beside you for now.

“Y/n.”

Heat rushed up his normally slightly tanned cheeks, the bunny teeth nibbling nervously on his lower, plumper bottom lip. Unintentionally his hand wandered over his rucksack's strap towards his neck which he involuntarily massaged. A sign how uncomfortable Jungkook felt, and nervous. If he seemed so obvious in love with his best friend as everyone took notice, you must have been blind.

“Can we stop that and focus on our task?”

“Your task. I'm coming along to make sure you get my favourite beer..”

Jungkook shook his dark thatch as they entered the supermarket. “I'm always right with my choices, so calm down, bro. I get you the reaaally good stuff today.”

This remark earned him a light hit on his muscly upper arm before the two boys shoved snack after snack and drink after drink into the cart Jimin held onto. But as they were on the way back to the cashier Jimin's high voice called out for someone in the queue.

His friend froze, his eyes rolling and his feet not taking him anywhere further. “Kim! You should've said you were going to shop. We could've needed every hand!”

The girl Jeon despised turned around, her ponytail swinging over her shoulder. As she saw the tall guy next to her brother her eyes got small, her head a little higher. “I didn't know I'd see you here today. With..him.”

Scrunching his nose Jungkook shrugged his shoulders, packing the things Jimin and he got for the concert and after party on the assembly line. He ignored her. It was the easiest way to deal with her and her unanswered feelings for him. And as long as Jeon would be silent, it wouldn't make it too hard for her to get over him faster. So he thought. That it was the opposite wouldn't cross his mind while he still displayed their shopped products on the line. After they paid Jimin forced Kim to go along with them to pick up Joons' new guitar.

“Either go back in and get that amplifier or let's go home. I have to do a lot before practice later”, Jungkook lied. He had no plan until practice would start, but he didn't want to spend another second with his friend's sister and her piercing stares. He had enough dose of her and wanted nothing more but to get home, fall onto the couch and stare at his phone for a sign from you.

Another two minutes went by whilst his short, blonde friend weighted for and against new equipment. Lastly he decided it was time to freshen up his dusty, rusty old speakers so he rushed back in, leaving him and Kim alone in front of the big shop. Not many people passed by, Jeon laying against the nearest wall, the many bags and guitar next to him. What he'd give to stand here waiting for Jimin to come back all alone instead of with his sister. But that's life, he thought, glancing to the girl playing with her golden phone a few steps away on the pavement. Judging from her furrowed brows she thought the same, which made him grin.

“Go home, Kim. You don't need to waste your time waiting here with me. Your brother will take forever anyway”, he offered, his eyes avoiding her own again. She should go, leave him be, just go, so his mind, but at her next words his eyes shot wide.

“I want to stay. I want to spend as much time as needed for you to realize that she isn't worth your heart. I am.”

Blinking against some upcoming anger at the way she said 'she', disgusted and condescending, Jungkook saw the flush on Kim's cheeks, the slight shake of her hands clasped around her phone. What should he do? He knew way too well how heartbreaking an unrequited love was as to why he couldn't be angry with her. Feelings did what they wanted. And his screamed for another girl.

Slowly he pushed himself off of the wall in his back, walking towards the entrance of the music store past the girl who just confessed again. His big palm ruffled her hair in an attempt to make her feel better before he left her on the pavement to get some air alone. Or for him to breathe again, the weight on his chest getting heavier the more he knew from her feelings and the more he thought about you and your absence..

If you had the task to describe confusion you'd take this situation as the perfect example. You were on your way to grab some basics for the week, a friend beside you, her laughter and stories your frequent company for the last couple of days. Again. With Joons, she was like your own shelter, your own personal guardian whenever your shitload of a 'best friend' decided to play jerk on you. They spent nights at yours, just as you did at Jungkook's after your breakup with Yoongi. Which was strangely similar to the situation you found yourself in now. Your heart broken, but on another level. A deeper one. One you couldn't escape from with a few night of movies and drinks. No, there was something inside you you desperately denied. Trying to drown the upcoming thoughts you had called different kinds of friends over to distract you again, but nothing helped if you had to go to bed, the stinging pain in your chest taking your breath away whenever you were alone with your thoughts and the pictures of that night.. The night you felt at a loss for anything you were usually able to. Nothing would ever describe the emotions flooding you while you ran home, the icy wind hurting your face and bare arms before you got home. But even the sharp coldness couldn't numb the pain inside your body.

As you closed the front door that time you staggered to your couch, not knowing how long you had cried that night. But as the sun rose you were a wreck. Bloodshed eyes, pale skin, a dry mouth and by god, the headache you developed drove you over the edge. So far you howled out the few drinks you had on the party. After the worst was out you took a bath and threw your phone in the trash can. Yes, definitely an overreaction you realized as you fished it out an hour later. There was nothing hence you felt another piercing pain in your heart. He didn't contact you. Not once since you left. Reason enough to feel a burning behind your eyes, locking your phone again before you took out a blanket and sprawled out across the sofa in your sparsely lighted living room. The grey, huge cloud hid the promised blue sky of an early day, perfectly displaying your mood.

Next thing that happened was an unbelievable amount of unanswered phone calls, voice messages and texts Jungkook bombarded your poor phone with. The boy knew how to get on your nerves, but this time he overstepped the demarcation line you drew after the night you two fucked. It all happened since you broke up with Yoongi. Weird enough you contemplated if he was at fault with what had happened to your beloved, cherished friendship, but that was nonsense to it's fullest. You had to accept that maybe your idea of sleeping with Jungkook wasn't an idea worth of risking more of your sanity, or better your heart. Yes, there was more to everything than you wanted to admit. Especially the night last week you had heard Jungkook in front of your door, his low, calm voice that got nervous steadily until it rose to a panicked whisper before it broke off. You weren't even able to listen to the words constantly droning through the thick wooden door, but they sounded like the spoken song of his he once performed in that empty concert arena only for you. Or maybe that was what you wished for whilst swiping off tears from your reddened cheeks, getting closer to the entrance. Peeping through the peep hole you saw a black corridor, wondering if he was gone. You had to resist the urge to rip the door out of it's frame and run after your former best friend. But you calmed yourself down, waiting for another half an hour, your back against the door ere you got the courage to sneak out on the floor. Your eyes widened that night, the dryness of your throat intensifying. Despite everything that was going on you weren't immune to the cuteness of the tattooed handsome's sleeping state. How he leaned against the cold, white wall next to your apartment, his shoulders slagged down, his head on the wall. At first you were frozen, staring at the open mouth of his, wetting your lips until your eyes glanced over his body that was dressed in the common black outfit. Just one thing disturbed the view. His hands. Thick slough covered his knuckles, dried blood, a healing wound bigger than the ones you cared about ever. At this point something inside you cracked open. Something major, something that pushed away the rain clouds, the upcoming thunder storm and brought something more dangerous.

Holding your breath you rushed back inside your home, snatching the blanket you had used over the couple of days to cover Jungkook with it. What no one knew was that you spent the night watching him sleep restlessly, his tall figure shaking from time to time, but you couldn't take your eyes off of him, swiping off lost tears whenever it was too much again. He reminded you of the one he once was. The boy who looked for you whenever he was scared. That exact same expression was seen on the guy's sleeping face which let you gulp down the knot in your throat before you stood up at the sun rising again. A new habit you had developed as it seemed. It didn't make it all easier to handle. Nor did the stinging jealousy you felt whenever you thought back on that night..

Back to the story. You just turned a corner after the other, reaching your destination as your eyes played tricks on you. It was almost two weeks ago after what happened on Jungkook's party that night, your former best friend constantly trying to get in touch with you, begged you, called out for you and wrote you so many messages your phone's storage was full after the first three days. The one falling asleep on your porch and you had watched. He hurt you to the fullest without even trying to and it scared you more than it should have. But this split second alone felt as if he intentionally ripped out another piece of your beating, red muscle. The simplest of motions a hand could do drove you crazy. How his hand – that used to be on your skin – lovingly touched a girl's hair. How he ruffled it – as he did yours whenever you were upset. How he turned his broad back to you to walk passed the bitch he had slept with, he had feelings for, so you were confident – his whispered words the night of your hook up all lies. Anger mixed within the confusion whilst you realized how close you were to walk across the street to slap that Kim girl's way too damn pretty face, her pink cheeks and the fucking smile until never land. Unintentionally you found yourself on the other side of the street faster than intended, Jungkook only halfway inside the music store. Your eyes bored into Kim's narrowed head, her smile getting brighter until she glanced upwards, seeing you and your friend close to her. The smile vanished, her eyes suddenly two slits while she checked you out from head to toe, her newly spread out supercilious grin telling you what opinion she had of you, or foremost your appearance.

Okay, to you defence, it was a shitty week, yeah? This wasn't..your normal daily outfit. A black base cap, a huge grey pullover and skinny jeans weren't comparable to what she was wearing that's for sure. Nothing you could wear topped her classy white skirt with the white over knees and the rose blouse with golden buttons. That her long ponytail shone and her skin glowed didn't help much either. She was what guys wanted. Unlike your bare faced self, moody and ready to throw your hot milk you clung onto at her. Just as you fought your silent war with her on a distance of around three metres you remembered someone else. Jungkook.

As if pulled by invisible strings your entire body turned in his direction, your recently hatred filled oculars softening into a gentler shape of anger. One you felt crawling under your skin because it isn't really fury. It's the brother of adrenalin which paralyses your muscles, opens your eyes and flattens your breathing. You weren't ready to put the puzzles into one whole picture, but as your widening eyes pierced the tattooed back, praying he wouldn't see you, but see you, he turned around.

Your senses signalled you that you were everything but ready to face Jungkook. His almost black eyes wandered to Kim first after seeing you, assuring himself that she was fine seeing you here, you thought. Was it like this after only two weeks already? The silent shattering sound of your heart was deafening your ears, but you didn't know why. There was nothing to be shattered anymore. Ha! As if you were in love with your..best friend? Was Jungkook still your best friend? You called him 'former' in your head before, but represented he nothing but a best friend to you?

Shaking your head you stepped forward, ignoring your dearest person in life for a split second as Jimin casually walked into the scenery, his almond shaped eyes round as the moon tonight at the strange sight in front of that shop.

“Y/n..” It was a whisper. A tiny hush of the man's voice you yearned for in an unfamiliar way. Jungkook's vocals alone covered your body in goosebumps, making you stop mid way, your foot above the ground. Would you listen to him or go your own way again?

“Y/n, we didn't see you for too long, right?”, Jimin said, his charming smile scratching over the ice block you were. “We missed you at practice as well, of course!” He hastily added as no one wanted to break the awkwardness except for him. The little sigh reaching your ears as the silence stretched until Jungkook moved, his steps reluctant and unsure.

You could see the sorrow in his dark, unfathomable eyes boring into yours, but there was more you couldn't identify in that blink of a moment before you narrowed your gaze to the ground. It hurt too much to see the apologizing glimmer in them. And you were more than content that this apology bloomed out of his feelings for the girl next to Jimin and that Jungkook only wanted to clarify that you shouldn't be upset anymore. But you were.

“Y/n, h-how are you?”, was all he said, the distance a little closer than before.

How are you? That was all he had to say after the shit of that night? You two fucked, yes it was your own stupidity trying to solve some problems between the two of you that occurred after so much time you spent together, but he had thrown you away like one of the toys he played with normally. And you felt hurt and..betrayed. Deeply betrayed in some way you didn't want to look deeper into. Therefore you turned away from him, the expression on your former best friend's beautiful face made of stone after you decided to ignore him further.

Clearing your throat you made a vague gesture. “Fine”, your voice was barely audible and you hated yourself for the feelings expressed by the weak sound of this word. Managing not to look straight at Jungkook again although you knew he stared at you like a starving man needing food, you devoted your attention to Jimin who watched the theatre in front of him with wide eyes. “I'll be your helping hand this weekend. Joons asked me to come and get things done with you guys.”

With those words you grabbed your friend's hand who stayed quiet the whole time and rushed forward to the many supermarkets around the corner.

“See you, y/n!”

It wasn't Jimin waving you goodbye, but Jungkook, his shaking hand in the air, trying to smile – more of a forced try – but you saw how much he had to take himself back not to run after you and this scene alone elicited a single tear to fall from your chin.

The worst was that you couldn't concentrate on anything else happening around you. One picture constantly sneaked into your mind. One you hated more than the fact that you were too stubborn to talk to Jungkook about the incident. How..how Jeon's hand so lovingly touched the bitch's hair, how her gloomy expression suddenly changed into a nervous but oh so happy one. And it all seemed so familiar and soft that you wanted nothing more than to throw up on the way up the stairs to your apartment. You were disgusted by them. Strangely, insanely disgusted, so much that your stomach turned one-eighty degrees and the big ass butterflies you tried to repress flew against your stomach's walls.

“God damn, y/n! Get your shit together”, you cursed, rummaging in your purse, your bags falling to the ground because you kicked them over while holding up your purse with your knee. Groaning you watched how the apples and other supplies were scattered around the hall and another loud curse escaped your mouth. Of course, right then your neighbour closed her door, the older lady shaking her head in an attempt to scold the youth's kind of language as you opened your own door, banging it shut without picking your groceries from the cold floor. If she opened her mouth a split second earlier you couldn't guarantee that you wouldn't snap as to why you glanced through the peep hole until she was gone with her short grey locks bouncing up and down. This wasn't like the real you, picking up your shopping utensils, stuffing them back into the paper bag, your eyes burning in the worst kind of way whilst you couldn't stop imagining what Jungkook and this Kim girl were doing right now.

What the hell was wrong with you? Why couldn't you stop imagining the wildest scenarios, your heart's stone walls merely kept at it's place slowly crumbling again. The walls he himself, Jungkook, helped you building against the next asshole breaking your heart in two. But no one knew it would be his own fault – or more your own – that it ripped into pieces a second time in one year. You really didn't want to feel that aching pain in form of next level jealousy again, but here it was, getting you as far as crying your eyes out with suppressed sobs in the middle of your corridor where every neighbour could see you or hear you. Furthermore couldn't you explain how all of this shit was able to claim your heart and soul so severely. What caused this hurtful ache in your chest? Was it the jealousy eating you alive? And if so, why were you jealous in the first place? God, you were utterly confused, not knowing a single thing except for the unavoidable truth that you might've lost your dearest friend to someone who pushed you to the ground with her fake ass long blonde hair and perfect smile. Or not?

A quiet, unamused chuckle which was the epitome of madness sounded through the hall as you shook your head, repressed long known realisation trying to hit you in the red face. “Ridiculous!”, you heard yourself sobbing against the chuckle. “Me..Jungkook?” Another loud chuckle drone out into the corridor as you closed your door behind you. The thoughts flooding you almost funny if they weren't true.

How could you have developed romantic feelings for someone who was with you your entire life? We're talking about Jungkook, your best friend, no one else. He was your shelter, your cute baby boy with the bunny smile and doe eyes. So how was it possible that you wanted other stuff than sex from him? And in this case you were satisfied. Another point was that he always acted a little too sexual with you the last weeks, especially the afternoon at your parents' house. Which would result in him wanting nothing more but to claim you his next trophy, right? Nothing more, but another cute name on his invisible list next to Jimin's little sister's name, Kim. That was all that night had to offer him, you had to offer him, right? Liar. The little voice inside your head knew you better than yourself, telling you what you were the whole time. A bad liar making up lies to deceive yourself. As if you just wanted some casual sex with Jungkook and expect a functioning friendship afterwards. You weren't deaf, but why was it so hard to believe? It was wrong to not tell him what you heard and still think he just wanted sex, but why did he sleep with Kim the next time? Or was it before he hooked up with you?

Your hands got lost in your hair, a frantic outcry of frustration echoing from your kitchen's walls you walked in.

You wanted to test his limits beside that. See if he really cared after he had what he never tasted before. You. Whatever, it backfired and right now your relationship was ruined, burned down to the ground like a campfire in the morning. And the ultimate worst was that you were wrong in your accusations that Jungkook was different towards you. He would never hurt you, you believed. But he proved you otherwise, getting off with Jimin's baby sister, obviously sleeping with her at the same time and..more.

Another quieter pant this time.

You were just so confused. What should you think, what should you do? And why was Jungkook able to break down your security walls around your heart?

With a sigh you stuffed your groceries into the shelves, the butterflies already changing into massive planes crushing against your organs. They made it hard for you to stay calm, to breath while you leaned against the counter in the kitchen, your head a mess. So many questions prompted even more questions and you were at the end with your answers. Only one thing for sure: Between Jungkook and Kim was something. Whatever it was meant you had to fight for your friendship once more or let that clenching feeling take over. And this was a whole new emotion you ever felt for someone. Were you ready to face it or would you repress it and stay the way you used to with him for another twenty years and regret this decision? And was it only sex Jungkook was willing to give to you to save your long-life friendship? That night he seemed unsure of what to do with you, but he enjoyed it that was guaranteed like the sun rising the next day. Not forgetting the confusing salve of words he let out..

Groaning your head fell into your neck. Why did it all happen? Why was everything so damn complicated? And why were you such a freak, not letting those thunder storm like feelings crush you and..and..

You had to stop. “Are you a bitch or what?”, you said aloud, your voice husky. “There's only one thing sorting your crazy mind anyway.”

Finally having a string to hold onto you decided that nothing would bring you further to a decision than talking. If there wasn't the pressing fear of rejection.

After almost losing your sanity at home this week without contacting Jungkook at all you decided that it was time for a talk between one of his friends and yourself. Maybe this would help you in finding a solution to your many problems regarding a certain tattooed guy.

“Joons..”, you said, hoping he would hear your whisper. And luckily he did, turning around from his small group of friends and stuff to greet you with his signature dimpled smile. His eyes were so dark today, again. If you weren't into someone else in a weird way you would take Namjoon on this spot. He had changed in many ways after you had poured out your heart that one week Jungkook was missing.

“What's up, little girl?”, his deep, cheeky voice reached your ears and you had to smile immediately.

“Can we talk for a sec.? I need advice of a genius.”

The small laugh sounding so very sincere made you giggle, too. An occurrence you were surprised about yourself. Ever since that night you found yourself being gloomy and depressed, but somehow Joons' dimpled laugh and scrunched eyes were irresistible. Waving your hand, still smiling, you motioned him to follow you to a quieter place, where no one was around anymore to eavesdrop on what you would confess aloud for the very first time. But before you turned around, Namjoon next to you, another pair of black oculars stared into yours. And their expression was darker than expected, anger and disbelief tracing them. Gulping down you dared to meet Jungkook's piercing stare no longer than two seconds ere you narrowed your gaze to your shoes, strangely caught by something he must've gotten entirely wrong. What if he thought you weren't thinking about him anymore and tried to get off of him by catching his best buddy, Namjoon? Panic flooded you before you realized that Jungkook scoffed, his shoulders bouncing up once ere he shook his head with a stone like mask on his pretty face. You wanted to clarify the situation badly, but couldn't send him such a vibe as he spun around to storm off.

A voice woke you suddenly, a warm hand also on your shoulder. “Don't worry about him. It's his own fault for..”, the tall handsome stopped, staring into the distance before he blinked and smiled down at you reassuringly. “Come, you wanted to talk.”

With your eyes looking for the boy who left with fast steps you walked down the hall with Namjoon beside you.

“..and now I don't know what to feel, how to behave and what to do with it.” You ended the long road of explaining what bothered you ever since you had slept with Jungkook. Namjoon was a patient listener, nodding at the right parts and asking only a few questions if your story straggled.

His expression was a mix of understanding and confusion. “I got you, y/n. But what do you want from him?”

Furrowing your eyebrows you looked at the grape haired man, his head awry while waiting for your answer.

“I told you I had sex with him and don't want to lose-”

“Yes yes, I got that. But what do you want from him? Do you want him to stay by your side not knowing how he thinks about it? Or do you want to confess that there is more than you want to admit and still be the friend of his?”, Joons stood up from the stairs you were seated on. “Let me tell you, y/n. If you don't love him, explain that to him. Tell Jungkook that you need a break and accept whatever he says about it. But if you do want more than just a friendship, then better rush to him now.”

“Now?”

Joons shrugged, his face showing no specific emotion which didn't help you at all. “Get a clear head and be sure what you want. I have to hurry now, the concert starts in half an hour”, with that he turned around. “See you later, y/n.”

“Y-yeah.”

What would you think of it now? And why did it seem as if Namjoon wanted you to read between the lines instead? Scratching your neck you thought about the words he said. ..explain that to him. Why would Jungkook need an explanation why you didn't love him, if that was the case? And if so, would any dumb feeling you thought you felt be in the way of your friendship? Would it last if you stayed silent? The talk didn't help you at all. Furthermore did it confuse you even more!

Slowly you got up from the upper step, making your way towards the hall to watch the show from backstage. Jungkook looked pissed off throughout the whole concert. Not a single lopsided grin thrown towards the big audience. As his eyes fell on you behind the stage as he sipped on his water his glance got colder, icy and dark.

You were too worried. Ignoring him again at that point wasn't like you. But you had decided to listen to Namjoon's advice and act faster. This is why you planned to call Jungkook in the morning, talk to him and get this right again. Therefore you were happy that the gig ended well, Jimin beside you helping you to stuff the instruments back into the van. Right after the show you had seen Kim walk into the dressing room of the boys before Jimin rushed out to help you hence your head was spinning. It wasn't what you thought it was, was it? Jungkook would never do the mistake to fuck her in there, would he? Or why was she here? Almost letting go of one of the drums, Jimin came to the rescue, his almond shaped eyes scolding you.

“Be careful with it, y/n. They're hella expensive.”

“S-sorry”, was all you pressed out of your dry mouth, the images in your head too detailed to work properly tonight. Your state didn't go unnoticed as the blonde sweetheart straightened himself, watching you do the same. His crossed arms told you that something was up which wasn't connected to your inability to do a proper job. And right then as the words crossed his plump lips you knew how deep you were in a predicament.

“Y/n, you should know one thing”, his honey like voice began, your heartrate doubling. Whatever he would tell you, you would hate it. “Kim likes Jungkook.”

There it was. The unavoidable you had predicted from the moment you found out about her. Which didn't automatically lead to him liking her back. Right?

Nervously shifting from one foot on the other you avoided his gaze laying on you. “So what? She's free to like whoever she wants.”

“What if Jungkook feels the same?”

A small, tired chuckle escaped you, your orbs focused on your shoes. “Jungkook never fell in love with someone, that's what I can say.”

“Never? Let me tell you, he's not made of stone. Someday there will be a girl claiming his heart her own. And Kim's my sister, so I'll cheer for her in every possible way”, Jimin added, his vocals lower than usual.

It hurt you. The meaning of his words thrown at you. As if you didn't know that! He was the greatest guy on earth with a heart made of gold. Any girl would love him if he showed his soft side to them. Even Kim. Even.. Well, what should you do now? You knew him ever since you two were in kindergarten. Every single, lovable aspect of his. His smiles. His cheekiness, the boy he once and still, down to his heart, was

“Jimin, spill it”, you impatiently said rougher than intended. There was something he didn't want to say, but you saw it in his chocolate eyes. A spark that told you his cheers for his sister's love was only half-hearted. He knew something he wanted you to know, but couldn't say it directly. This reminded you of Namjoon's reaction earlier. It seemed as if everyone knew something you were blind against.

The next thing you remembered was how wide your eyes shot. You excused yourself with a fast wave of your hand before you rushed down the road.

“Sometimes you have to think about your friend's happiness first. Jungkook is with Kim right now. Better hurry up.”

The keys in your hand jumped on your car's driver's seat, driving above the speed limit to the area you almost knew as good as your hand.

“Fuck!”, you shouted out while driving. How far did it all go? How? Just what did you do? Why didn't you answer a single call of his, messaged him that you needed time for yourself to sort out your feelings? If you wouldn't have been such a stubborn sheep you would be the one laughing with Jungkook now, not Kim! “Faster, you slow pigs!”

Did you ruin it all with your wavering emotions? You prayed to god that it wasn't too late as you turned the corner, ready to face your tattooed bun. You planned to talk tomorrow, to take some notes helping you with the conversation, but as it came down to you now you got cold feet. The car parked across from the apartment's entrance you saw Jungkook and Kim entering the corridor, switching on the light. Whatever it was he wanted from you – sex, calling you a trophy, a name, another stupid girl he succeeded to get into his bed..or more – you were ready to give it to him as long as he stayed with you.

Determination washed over your shaking body. You would give it to him as long as he was still yours. You didn't dare to give him to someone like Jimin's sister, although she might be more sincere about her feelings than you, but that was only a minor matter in this situation. You were here now, ready to start anew if he wanted. Ready to fuck. Ready to give him yourself if only he was back beside you.

The main door fell into it's lock right as you wanted to get off of your car. Shit. You fished for your phone in a haste they would reach the elevator faster than you were able to call. The free line signal hurt your eardrums whilst you turned the volume to it's maximum, your hands sweaty. Would he pick up? The second dial tone..third..fourth..a crack. Silence.

“Y/n?”

Relief tried to replace the panic, but you were still too nervous to speak up properly. “Y-yeah, it..it's me.”

Silence again. If you wouldn't be able to watch the shadows of them through the glassy walls and the light inside the building you would have thought he ended the call. Which he didn't as you saw him motioning for him to walk back out to get the call of yours. Outside in the cold you saw his laboured breathing as if he ran a mile, the air in front of his glowing face shown from time to time. He didn't say a word and neither did you while you watched him silently, the car's door opened a crack.

Only as you saw a habit of his you said a word, the hand on his neck lingering on the spot that was most certainly as warm as his heart.

“I missed you..No, I miss you, Jungkook.”

The familiar silence again. But the expression of his changed. The mask fell off and what you saw let your jaw drop. You were sure to see how much sorrow and pain washed over his face that you clung to the phone with wet hands.

“Don't look like that now, please..”, you whispered to yourself, but it was heard as Jungkook's head twitched from side to side.

“I don't know what to say to you, y/n. We..we should talk some day.”

“Now!”, you interrupted him, your voice cracking. “I want to talk to you now.”

You not only heard the sigh but saw it in the form of cold air. His jaw was clenched hard, his free hand a fist. He was still mad somehow. “It was all a misunderstanding that night. And I understood that you needed your time to cool off and so on, but it's gone too far. But I have a guest-”

“I know.”

“-and I can't talk to you like this over the phone.”

Nodding you got out of your car, seeing how the black dressed guy across the street turned to the waiting girl inside. Now or never.

“Jeon Jungkook!”, you called out, your steps loud in the silent night.

Shock traced his features, his body tensing as he witnessed your rather small figure running towards him. You didn't stop, not until you had pressed him with his back against the wall next to the door that was opened a crack.

Black pupils sparkled down at you, his pink mouth parted as you took his phone out of his hand, sliding it into one of his black jacket's pockets. Your own was already gone, so both your hands grabbed his pullover underneath his opened coat.

“I..I need you back in my life. I'm confused and stupid, but whatever it is you want from me, let me tell you that I'm in for it”, you whispered, your vocals shaking, your eyes meeting his. “One more time won't hurt.”

“Whatever it is?”, Jungkook responded as quietly as you. Then you felt his hands on your upper arms, squeezing them in disbelief. “You don't know what you're getting yourself into.”

Shrugging your shoulders you shot him a sweet, tiny smile which was apology and determination at the same time. The only mistake would be backing off and let the girl inside take over your place – and be more than his friend.

That's why you reached up, pulling down his face and pressing your warm lips on his cold ones. It felt like ice for your fire, but it didn't cool you down. Instead it inflamed the same tensing lust you had felt the first time the electrifying sex happened between Jungkook and you.

It was like a dream for Jungkook. You ran towards him, kissed him so passionately. The words leaving your pretty, pink lips like an angel's choir, the last weeks long forgotten with the warmth of your body felt with his large hands.

I'm in for it. You were here. You were ready to be his; right?

But what he didn't perceive would cause him to lose himself soon enough:

One more time won't hurt..

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