#but that doesnt mean im fetishizing lesbians

[daffodi1]

And to be honest over the years I've started to think the fujoshi label is stupid too. Like yes fetishizing gay men is bad but people who enjoy gay relationships in media aren't inherently fetishizing them, even if they themselves are not gay. You're allowed to just... like material and characters that you can't relate to. It's okay.

[vveakfish]

my brain is still to covid fogged™ to make a long post abt this rn but like…

idk. There’s Something about the way that Cassie is feminized sometimes that feels almost violent. especially in comparison to how uncomfortable she was with femininity when she was created.

[keydav]

Sometimes I see the most garbage, zero-nuance, strict label definitions, queer takes and I usually go to their profile on whatever app I'm on to block them, cause I don't need to be able to come across that shit, and so often they have their age in their profile and they are a ~literal teenager~ or at the max maybe 20 years old and my response is always "oh, it's because you are a child, just a little baby child" (and still block them, cause whatever the reason I don't need those takes in my life) and sometimes I feel kinda bad about that cause I know when I was that age I hated being called a child or older people treating me like I didn't understand the way the world worked cause I was younger but, honestly, 1) I didn't understand the way the world worked and 2) if they didn't want me to treat them like a child, they shouldn't have childish opinions, like grow up and learn that the world isn't black and white and there's a lot more nuance to life than you apparently think

[st5lker]

one thing i dont see talked about very often is the casual transmisogyny specific to nonbinary transfems especially those of us who have any kind of masculine presentation/pronouns. like as a bigender person i consider myself both a trans woman and a gay man at the same time in different parts and everyone just kind of sees that and goes "oh so youre not an actual trans woman so being transmisogynistic doesnt matter". and believe me i dont consider myself having it "worse" like im far safer irl than most binary post-transition transfems since i present masculinely irl and I constantly recognize that but when it comes to casual transmisogyny people are transmisogynistic in a very insidious way when youre nonbinary.

like people who would normally be really careful about checking themselves for transmisogyny just throw everything out the window when they realize youre nonbinary. you tell them you consider yourself a woman and a man at the same time, or anything in between, or have any kind of attachment to masculinity, and they immediately mentally categorize you as a man. it doesnt matter how you present, what you say, whether it's online or offline---if you're amab and don't fit the bill of being "woman enough" people online will go "thats a man" end of sentence.

the most painful part is that it comes from everybody. it comes from the cis lesbians that called that amab nonbinary person on tiktok a rapist for saying they liked when bi women primarily attracted to women were into them. it comes from the "femboy" obsessed tme transmascs and nbs who don't take your concerns about their transmisogyny seriously. and rarely, but most hurtfully, it comes from other trans women. anyone else remember when lesbianchemicalplant endlessly harassed a trans girl on here for daring to call her attraction to men gay? I do. I do because I saw it at a vulnerable time in my development and it made me repress myself for years because I thought being gay for men and a trans women were the most mutually exclusive things in the world and daring to say you can connect to both of those will get you labeled a Fake Transfem that's doing it for clout. i STILL get a feeling in the back of my mind that whenever i mention being a transfem after talking abt being a gay man people will be like "dont be ridiculous you're not REALLY transfem".

this of course comes from the fact that trans women are held to an impossibly high standards of femininity. you have to be a Capital W Woman to be taken seriously. meaning, of course, that you have to have long hair and thin shoulders and wear dresses and be skinny and short and attractive and usually white (unless they have a fetish for black women, then you can be black IF you hit the rest of those criteria). no matter what you can't be anything CLOSE to a man. make sure you take hrt and get The Surgery too and throw in some breast implants while you're at it.

if you're not rejecting every single part of you that could at all be associated with masculinity you're not even trying, you're just a man, you're just like all other men, and they don't have to care what you say about how you're treated. that type of transmisogyny is so deeply ingrained in literally everyone and its so depressing. it comes back to haunt ALL transfems but the way nonbinary transfems are treated is a perfect example of it.

[housecatclawmarks]

Hate when cis lesbian chasers slap a she/they in bio and try to buddy up to me by objectifying trans women like bitch those r my friends and the love of my life like. just cause i also have a pussy doesnt mean im gonna ignore ur creepy fetishism go fucking hang yourself

[ditzygutz]

My lesbianism is mine and my femmes business ONLY!! <3 hope that helps :))

Just because i write stupid little portn posts doesnt mean im a porn addict.

Also whats with terfs and thinking lesbianism being sexual is fetishism when it’s literally just two girls fucking. Terfs try not to think of everything through their silly little political binoculars challenge.

The fact i dont need a strap to fuck my girlfriend is literally none of your business even if i write about it it doesn’t give you the right to comment about it. My posts are for people to relate to not insert themselves into my life.

You are not oppressed for being a terf you are oppressed because youre a girl faggot and you are getting angry at the wrong people because you arent brave enough to go right for the money. 🩷

[devnmon]

attention red dead fandom, YES, we are allowed to hc any character we want as gay or bi or lesbian because it doesnt harm anything about them. it’s a HEADcanon that means it exists in your HEAD. it’s FAKE. maybe it harms your egos or your enrageous amounts of homophobia but thats a you problem. saying shit like “gay people didnt exist back then” is stupid and also are you dumb. gay people HAVE existed for centuries and have kept their tru selves hidden, they WILL exist in the future, and they exist NOW in the present.

yall ship two characters who are like family to eachother as a romantic pair. but we’re the ones having “inaccurate hcs” ??? miss me with that shit. you guys are the same people who ship arthur with charles (im not saying this is a bad ship. people just fetishize them together.) and other people who ship ARTHUR WITH MICAH. i don’t want to fucking hear it. get over yourselves.

[t4transsexual]

t4t masterpost

im gonna make a whole post with definitions, misconceptions, ect. of being t4t for anybody who this may aid later.

what is t4t?

being t4t or transamorous as a trans person (i wanna see the term transamorous used more often by t4t people tbh) can mean a number of different things, and it doesnt have to be limited to sexual/romantic encounters either.

the general definition is being a trans person who either prefers to or exclusively forms any kind of relationship with other trans people, especially romantic and sexual relationships. for some people, being t4t applies only to romantic and/or sexual relationships, for others, it can extend to friendships and even professional relationships (ie. preferring a trans therapist). though, youre more likely to see t4t people who being t4t only extends to romantic or sexual relationships, and maybe platonic as well.

being t4t romantically/sexually can mean a number of different things. it can mean that one may prefer to date trans people but wouldnt be opposed to a cisgender partner. it can also mean that that trans person only seeks out relationships with other trans people, but if one with a cis person manifested itself, they may not be opposed. for others, myself, the t4t is non-negotiable, and we ONLY form relationships like that with other trans people; some of us dont even feel attracted to cis people anymore for trauma reasons or the like.

what reasons would a trans person have to be exclusively t4t?

theres plenty of different reasons, but they mostly boil down to the fact that its just safer to date/form relationships as a trans person if theyre with other trans people. yes, theres plenty of trans people who are horrible partners, but in my experience from dating trans people vs cis people, the trans people ive dated had each had unique issues that contributed to the end of the relationship, and none of these issues had to do with either of our genders. however, with the cis people ive dated, it was like a pattern. they were always weird about me being trans, they were always transphobic in some sort of way, and they always believed that they WERENT transphobic because they were willing to date a trans person. and im not the kind of person to do the same things over and over and expect a different outcome.

DISCLAIMER: i mention several times throughout this post that dating trans people as a trans person is generally safer/easier than dating cis people. i do believe this, but you can still be abused and hurt by trans people. my trans ex girlfriend tried to kill me. being t4t doesn't guarantee safety; its still your responsibility to notice red flags and react accordingly. stay safe out there!

you can still be hurt by a trans person, but youre much less likely to run into hangups about gender, transition, and personal values regarding being trans if you date trans people. youre generally not going to run into someone with a savior complex because they date trans people, or someone who will emotionally manipulate you when you call them out on their transphobia if you just date trans people in the first place.

what does being t4t look like?

any trans person can be t4t. there are many gay trans people who are t4t, and many lesbian trans people who are t4t. theres trans bisexuals/pansexuals who are t4t. people on the aromantic/asexual spectrums can also be t4t. there are straight t4t people, like me. these relationships can be monogamous or polyamorous; theres are polycules of exclusively trans people.

for many, being t4t is a conscious choice. being transamorous isnt a sexuality, its a preference. many transamorous trans people can feel attracted to cis people, but may not want to form a relationship with them on the basis that theyre t4t. attraction isnt consent.

isnt t4t just like being a chaser?

i wont deny the existence of trans chasers who happen to be trans, but trans bodies arent a fetish. yes, there are people who fetishize trans bodies, but this isnt every person who is attracted to trans people (and yes, this includes cis people) because we arent abnormal. trans people are perfectly natural, and attraction to trans bodies (even those that are that are pre/non op!) isnt a deviancy, its normal.

the idea that attraction to trans people is a deviancy and not the norm is inherently transphobic, and many trans people internalize this rhetoric, and develop trust issues around dating or having sex. the "wrong body" narrative can be true to some, but it isnt true to everyone. i personally wouldnt want to be cis, and many other trans people feel this way too. attraction to trans bodies is normal, because trans bodies are beautiful.

then what IS a chaser?

a chaser is a person whos attraction (and therefore acceptance) of trans people is dependent on them fulfilling a certain role. many chasers dont view trans people outside of pornography, and so they have a warped idea of what a trans person is. a chaser isnt defined solely by their attraction to trans bodies, because EVERYONE is attracted to trans bodies. they are instead defined by their behavior towards trans people. more often than not, because chasers don't interact with trans people outside of a pornographic lense, they dont see trans people as human, or really as anything beyond an idea to get them off. a relationship with a chaser is often degrading, one sided, and controlling. many chasers dont want their trans interests to get certain gender affirming care, such as hormones, or surgeries.

if youre a trans person who cant tell the difference between someone who isnt opposed to dating a trans person (cis or trans), and a chaser, there are definitely things to look for. the main sign that youre interacting with a chaser is that you may feel degraded just by interacting with them in an intimate way. chasers are known to do that.

transfemme tops and transmasc bottoms

many people have called me a chaser when i (st4t) have expressed that i prefer to date transfemme tops. ill go ahead and explain: im straight and a bottom. i just happen to date mostly trans women. im not seeking out transfemme tops because theyre trans tops, im seeking them out because they align with my sexuality and transamorous preference. i also dont have a genital preference, and transfeminine people can have vaginas.

now that thats out of the way, remember that there are many different ways to have sex, even as a trans person. some transmasc bottoms dont use their natal genitalia to bottom, some transfemme tops dont use their natal genitalia to top. there are many different ways to top or bottom for somebody, no matter what genitals are involved. many trans women use strap ons to top, for example. hrt can also alter how our genitals work.

final note

t4t trans people arent chasers, and t4t is, imo, the safest way for a trans person to date!

[kiruliom]

this pride month, normalize sexuality!!!

yes even for trans women, yes even for pre-op trans people, yes even intersex people, salmacians, fat people, POC, lesbians, physically and mentally disabled people, people recovering from EDs, etc. just because they get 'fetishized' doesnt mean they should hide who they are or that they are gross because they dont hide it, and to be fair, most people are sexual. (also I dont see yall being mad over a cishet white thin girl being sexual or calling it fetishization, unless ur like, really cringe and hold basically christian values of purity)

I get its very proship /neg of me to say this (though Im personally anti) you guys are worshipping purity culture, which is very bootlicker-y and will doom us fucking all

also you dont need it to be pride month to reblog, dont guilt trip people in your post additions etc etc. that shit makes me hella uncomfy.

[waterloggedsoliloquy]

18 & 20 for the ask game. i need to hear how this hypothetical drama would unfold

you picked the GOODIES

18.) what aspect of the story would get you #canceled on twitter?

this is a toughie is the thing. while im not one of those creators thats terrified of being offensive or problematic, i also dont pay that much attention to elements of work that might offend. im more interested in being genuine and trusting my message rather than relishing in having #problematique content.

that being said i think a lot of people would not like that sicely isnt a g*ld st*r lesbian or that lucerne doesnt use labels, bc twitter is really hung up on what characters "really" are or what stories "really" mean.

i think theyd also do that thing where theyd be like ugh look at these children currently in abusive situations why are they not acting 100% perfectly, the author clearly has no idea what theyre doing with portraying abuse, this is just torture porn and fetishizing ptsd/osddid. bc theres no way that the things that happen in CW could ever happen to people, bc abuse happens to other people and never in anything i might have to interact with.

20.) your ocverse just got a movie trilogy a la hunger games style. how have they horribly mangled your message/theme so that the movies are now a showcase of what the original was condemning?

This ones also a toughie actually bc a large part in why the hunger games movies contributed to showcasing what the original work condemned is because the media circus and bloodsports as vapid entertainment were directly being condemned in the original and #Media isnt really a huge part of carousel waltz. i think in order to really turn carousel waltz on its head youd have to be simultaneously very victim-blamey to the children but also prop up the adults as the ones who must "save them", bc children cant do anything on their own and cant be trusted to have legitimate grievances with the adults in their lives. flattening midas into either a villain who never cared about the people he abused or apologizing for him as a well-meaning patriarch who was just led astray and by proxy flattening the abuse into depictions more palatable to the wider consumer audience would do it i think.

but i dont know if it being a movie trilogy would necessarily cause those changes to occur-- movies are visual and sequential like comics but usually have to be 2 hours or less and are overwhelmingly held hostage at the whims of distributors, executive boards, investors, etc. so the influences it would have over carousel waltz would be along those lines. i think that with the time crunch it'd probably be really easy to make the story less subtle, and to have to hammer home points. certain characters necessarily would not have as much screentime and focus in a movie trilogy, which i think WOULD contribute to being an example of what im trying to condemn, and a movie might inadvertently say that some abused children are just collateral damage and we can move past them, some abused children dont have interiority or anything to draw attention to them, some abused children are more important or worth rescuing more. its also very important to me that most of the carousel waltz kids r not white, and that the grownups are, but casting would probably whitewash them or try to make the story colorblind instead of keeping in how midas' abuse takes advantage of his identity of whiteness over them. combine this w the idea that there needs to be adults to save these kids and u get a white savior araceli. if this concept makes you want to gnaw your leg off at the ankle to get the shackle off, that just means youre still human! try to hold onto that feeling.

since magical girl isnt a big genre in the west theyd try to reflavor it as some other thing like superheroes or a dnd party or something. or theyd want to age up the kids so the bad things happen to a more acceptable age group bc the idea that kids might have bad things happen to them is a scary thought so theyd completely miss the point abt it being a story abt child abuse and now its a buncha late teens-early 20s bullshit.

im actually debating how much swearing i want in carousel waltz (it was really hard writing guardians dilemma without zizi swearing) but executives would only let me have one fuck and would not let anthea call anyone a cocksucker :(

[onthemerits]

okay im getting a little overwhelmed by the jegulus discourse (tm) surrounding the strike but i need to rant abt something tangential (and that seems to be going unsaid) so here goes:

there needs to be a more productive conversation about how adults and minors can interact respectfully and safely in shared spaces, particularly with regards to different forms of queer generational trauma and internalized biases (read: transphobia).

this is really long so the full essay is below the cut, but

TLDR: if you're sending trans people messages telling them that writing about sexuality wrt their own identities and lived experience is "perverse", "weird", "gross", "predatory", or "pedophilic", pls check yourself and think about why you feel uncomfy before proceeding

(also if you feel the need to harass/send hate to people on behalf of unnamed "others" or for "safety reasons", odds are you're the problem)

CW: discussions of transphobia (specifically kink/ hyper-sexualization and accusations of predatory behavior) teen pregnancy, grooming, age-gap relationships,

first, i want to state the obvious and say that adults and minors are in very different stages of life. as much as this may offend some underage people, adults have more lived experience and have had more time to process their internalized biases and phobias. they have had both the freedom and responsibility of adulthood. and this brings new revelations and understandings.

this does not necessarily mean that adults are necessarily phobia or bias-free point blank, but it does mean that there are a lot of things that would understandably make minors uncomfortable (even as woke as they are) simply because they have not had exposure to those things. and on the flipside, minors should not be blamed or bullied by adults for their discomfort.

with all this in mind, it is the responsibility of adults to create adult-only spaces and for minors be mindful of what they could be exposing themselves to when they enter those spaces. a lot of the discussion around "no post november" seems to pit tumblr (old hp fans) against twitter and tiktok (newer, younger hp fans).

i've seen a bunch of arguments that "minors dni" and "tags" don't take away from the fact that "offensive" content exists, specifically in the case of underage relationships and sex (often with content that is deemed pedophilic).

i empathize with this immensely, and i understand why the idea of an adult sexualizing you would feel uncomfortable. but i think it's important to note that thats not what's really happening.

if someone is writing a sexual relationship between two minors that isn't flagged with the hallmarks/abuse of age-gap relationships, then there isn't any real danger to minors reading it. if there is no grooming going on, if there is no glorification of age gaps, if there isn't an infantilization of one of the characters, then there's no real predatory behavior that would have a marked impact on a minor.

even if there there was a depiction of an age gap and an artistic depiction of predatory behavior, if the story is marked as for adults then writing and posting the story is not predatory behavior and it doesnt make the author a pedophile. for all you know, they could be processing trauma that they underwent as a teenager and is now creating art for other adults to share their experiences.

it is not fair to compare this to the fetishization of lesbians or gay men (which does exist in this fandom) because unlike straight cis women readying gay smut, we have all been minors at one point, and that experiences comes with a lot of trauma, especially for queer individuals who grew up before queer rights gained popular traction.

on the love of all that is holy and unholy, i beg of you to think before you call something disgusting, especially if it is created in a space that is not meant for you.

in this case, i am thinking very explicitly about discussions of trans sexuality in the fandom. anyone who has been on ao3 can see that smut, explicit adult content, and mild sexual content are a big part of the online space across all ships. Dramione and Drarry have some of the filthiest (non-derogatory) content I have seen in my entire life. much of it is written by people who have been actively involved in the harry potter community since the early 2000s, and are therefore older than 20, and a good chunk of it is written about 17-year olds.

however, as soon as things like pregnancy, trans sexuality, or any combination of the two are brought up, it's "fetishization" no matter what the context. im not here to defend or attack the mpreg tag (especially in other explicitly kink-related contexts), but trans sexuality and explicit content that is trans focused (specifically ftm) is not inherently kinky or fetishization. there are so many things that are fetishized by the world (trans people tend to be in that bucket) but that does not mean writing those things is inherently fetish-related. in fact, calling it "fetishization" reinforces that idea that trans people cannot exist sexually without being reduced to a kink.

this is further perpetuated by the fact that cis (and occasionally straight, re jily and pregnancy) underage sexual content is only ever given a slap on the wrist. (and also this is extremely fucked up when u think abt how some fics reduce women in the fandom to plot points-- thinking of "lily is only relevant to birth harry" fics)

in fact, the double standard is so enormous re all the girlies that want self-insert fics with their gay favs. the straight-up obsession with cis mlm ships that straight women in this fandom seem to have is something that largely goes unspoken about. but we don't cancel people for writing self-insert fics or check to make sure female authors are queer before they write mlm sex scenes.

(there are a few cases where trans regulus seems to be flagged as a self insert for cis women which is transphobic and fetishization in and of itself, but i promise you that the likelihood of this being written by a trans person is 0.00001%)

this is all to say that attacking trans authors for writing about trans sexuality and trans versions of experiences that are "cishet" is transphobic. but how does this come back to minors?

well, there is a long history of queer individuals (trans people specifically) being called pedophiles or predators for expressing their lived experiences and discussing sexuality that deviates from the norm. while most people in the marauders fandom are comfortable and content with cis queer "sexual deviancy," there seems to be more contention around trans queer "sexual deviancy." it can be seen as inherently "problematic" or "predatory," even when it is just trans people writing about their own lived experiences.

obviously not all trans people are perfect, not all queer people are perfect, and predatory behavior exists from people of all genders and sexualities blah blah blah disclaimer disclaimer.

and in all seriousness if someone feels genuinely unsafe and specifically targeted in online spaces, please speak out. this is an attempt to alleviate harassment, not silence people who are being groomed by strangers online.

but it feels like everyone is so quick to call out "problematic" in an attempt to distance themselves from JKR that you're just coming back around to doing her work for her

(this is very terfy, "anti-trans for safety reasons" behavior)

(also this is just me feeling attacked but if you come at queer adult marauders fans for being "harry potter adults" (derogatory) when you're in the same fandom, pls stop)

*if you disagree with this and what i'm saying, feel free to send me a respectful, preferably non-anon message*

[cronaz-diary]

TW: Rape/death threats. If you're not in the right frame of mind, please delete or read this later - as much as I disagree with you I don't want you to hurt yourself.

hey i don't know if you even like... care about this. but lesboys frequently receive graphic death and rape threats. regardless of what your personal opinion is on us the least you could do is not add fuel to the fire. i personally have gotten countless death threats, a dox threat, and a couple rape threats from exclus. it's never okay to tell anyone to kill themselves. please try to make the internet a kinder place. the people you disagree with are human too.

thatz awful and ppl shouldnt be sending that to u i waz mostly refering to ppl who fetishize lesbianz or make fun of lesbianz in my post idk why ppl cant grasp that or deny it when itz so easy to find ppl do that (not referring to u just saying thiz so ppl who told me that doesnt happen stfu) i dont get lesboy still and think itz still a harmful term bc lesbian haz alwayz been a sexuality that isnt for boyz no matter how many ppl who sit on their computer all day say bc itz only like recently ppl tryna add men to lesbian (not he him lesbianz or genderfluid) which iz weird bc all these ppl say they wanna listen to elder queerz yet go on to listen to young bad ppl labelz r there for a reason and have meaning behind them and yea i shouldnt of said kys in my post but i waz upset and wasnt rlly thinking straight and upset bc i kept seeing ppl talk abt lesboyz and ppl using it to mock lesbianz and kept seeing ppl say they r it just bc they wanna get with lesbianz those ppl honestly should be away from like everyone they r actual freakz, all yesterday and still today im getting death threatz, rape threatz, slurz, called horrible shit and ppl being actually fucking stupid and when i tried fighting back no one cared abt those ppl oh no i waz the problem when im guessing most of these r adultz from the way they r talking, talking abt how tthey hope me, a 16 yr old child, should get raped and killed and calling me a dyke and lesbo which also most of these ppl arent lesbian so they never had a say in the first place, most lesbianz all dont like lesboy bc it goez against what lesbian iz therez already so many other termz ppl can use that isnt harmful to a group of ppl or made to hurt otherz or the ppl who say transmen can use it r also transphobic bc they r jsut calling transmen fake men or the transmen who use it dont wanna admit they r stright half the time and thiz frustratez me more bc u never see ppl make anything abt gay (mlm) but girlz so why do that for lesbianz? like i said therez already many termz ppl can use and already termz for butch so ppl need to stop harrassing me and otherz and instead be nice or dont say shit at all and educate themselvez

[neverdying-d-e-a-d]

oh, but she doesnt love me like that. she loves boys. just like how you love boys. and im just a girl. ...whos a boy. not even the people who like girls can like me, cuz im just a boy. i fail to be whatever it is that people envision when they imagine "girl", so completely. i dont even want to be that. the very idea disgusts me, or maybe, i just dont enjoy it, so much that, the success of being a girl would be a failing of me. i love being me. but who could love me? this something. this non thing. this failure of being a construct, a fetish, of what someone wants. i just want love but maybe my problem is something above that. maybe i have love. but sigh. no one could possibly love me at all. no one in their right mind. i just feel this way, but that doesnt mean its true. i just feel. sometimes.

and, this is to say, im not not someone's fetish. im my own damn fetish. im a hot butch lesbian boy with a giant dick who will kill you. im some loser. i have fat and long hair. my tits are really fuckin awesome and my ass is cute too. im my dream guy. people think im attractive. i just push those people away. cuz. i think theyre liars, is the thing. on some level i really, really hate myself. some angry, seething level that talks in my dad's voice, it hates everything i do and i dont even know why. i deserve love. but from who. i cant even trust myself to love myself. how can i trust someone else? how? by trying my best, i guess. try i will. me oh my. as i might. i might try.

[n1ghtm3ds]

Detrans kink is women falling into despair after realizing that identifying as a man won't protect them. It's fetishizing your own abuse so that when it happens, maybe it won't be that bad, because deep down you know these male spaces are not safe for you. You can see a similar phenomenon in very conservative religious girls who develop rape fantasies as a way of experiencing sex while being "blameless". "Dykebreaking" is women (most often bisexual women who previously very loudly identified as lesbians and they feel like they can't go back and call themselves bisexual due to biphobia) who experience or expect to experience corrective rape convincing themselves it was a sexy encounter in order to cope with what was done or could be done to their bodies. Women DO have rape fantasies as maladaptive coping mechanisms. This DOES NOT mean these women want to be raped or that if they are raped they invited it. This does NOT justify male fantasies of raping females.

Yes rape fantasies are a horrible coping mechanisms but so is SH and drug abuse and cigarettes and starving and we don't say those women are immoral or to blame for male exploitation of their damaged psyche's desperate coping mechanisms in any of those cases so why is a woman who fantasizes about being harmed less ideologically pure than a woman like me who takes a blade to her skin and harms herself or smokes 5x a day. WOMEN ARE NEVER TO BLASME FOR MALE THOUGHTS OR ACTIONS! WOMENS MALADAPTIVE FANTASIES DO NOT ENCOURAGE MEN TO VIOLATE WOMEN. MEN WOULD NOT VIOLATE WOMEN AT ANY LOWER OF A RATE IF THESE WOMEN DID NOT HAVE UNHEALTHY FANTASIES.

Like I feel like so much of these fantasies are born from hopelessness "its going to happen anyway", "better to know what to expect" and "Id better learn to like it so it doesnt ruin me when it happens". Even more often it comes from "that wasn't a trauma experience that was a sexy experience and im an empowered sex-haver not a victim of assault".

But this female self-depravity, this culture of masochism, is not the fault of the females who turn to these harmful fantasies as a way to cope with the likelihood of their eventual assault or trauma from previous assaults. It isn't flattering, and it shouldn't be encouraged, but it is a broken psyche trying to cope. They are not traitors as women because their brain decided "this upsets and disgusts me so much that I need to reroute it as arousal to cope".

[055u4ry]

wanted to send this on anon but oh well, and since she blocked you im unsure if youd be able to see replies on the post. the issue people are having is not that you said lets have a discussion on female use of porn in relation to issues of achieving orgasms or a general discussion on female engagement with porn. it is that you said sometimes "you have no other choice" which is a statement which yes, doesnt come across as alright to plenty of us. to me it sounds no better in any way than a man saying he has "no other choice" but to rely on porn because of his issues with keeping it up or porn adiction or whatever other reason i honestly dont give a damn about. a man which said that would get hounded off of radblr, torn at actually, and id find his statement repulsive in the same way due to the phrasing of "no other choice." there is actually a choice here: if there is truly no other way than genuinely too bad because having an orgasm is not absolutely vital to your survival and is significantly less important than not giving money to websites which make money off of child pornography, human trafficking, rape, exploitation, fetishization, stolen videos, and whatever else. and no sorry, i dont care about the mental or physical health benefits of an orgasm vs that when it comes to anyone including women. noones temporary sexual pleasure is more important than this shit. not a mans not a womans not whatever.

if you have a sex addiction or a porn addiction than this is something which needs to be worked on and i can have a level of sympathy to because growing up experiencing sexual assault, being used to make cp, and being exposed to pornography lead me to develop one at a young age which i had to overcome (and which in large part i did become i didnt want to contribute in any way to any of this). im guessing you already know as well that continued porn use only reinforces your inability to orgasm without it and that the only way for that to get better is to stop........ but even so. phrasing it as "no other choice" is yes again something i found incredibly grating to the ears. there is a choice here because the choice is either to not seek orgasm or to do so and accept failure at times without porn. if you genuinely cant do either and have "no other choice" than you have an addiction to masturbation and perhaps to pornography, and if the consequences for other women and children of engaging with porn aint enough to make you stop, than perhaps you either think your sexual gratification and frustration is more important, or, again, you have an addiction.

perhaps this is on some level different if by porn you mean videos and photos posted by women on their own accounts which are clearly adults and which are not selling content for money and which are clearly doing this as much as can be assumed out of their own want to post such things. still plenty of ethnical implications with that but at least its better than whatever the hell happens on porn websites and onlyfans. and perhaps those of us who read your comment should have assumed you mean something more along these lines. id also reccomended switching to animated or drawn or written pornography which is not on porn websites, as this involves no actual real people being involved and doesnt give money to webs particularly known for profiting off of awful sexual shit.

. either way. im surprised that you're around radblr and dont get why people blocked you and put this on "mean lesbians." i guarantee you that if a man made that comment the responde would have been infinately worse. i think after all the endless piles of bullshit we have all lived through and seen it is rather normal for people to see "have no other choice to use porn to get off" statements and block, which aint mean, or to feel some sort of way about it

.

[bunnyboysrus]

about this whole women dni thing , what is it about? im genuinely curious cause im a lesbain and many of the wlw smut writers have "men dni" written at the bottom, how is it different from that? i live under the rock so could you enlighten me on this?

its the same thing as what you've mentioned except in reverse basically. dni means 'do not interact' so basically, if a post says men dni then basically the poster is saying men shouldn't be liking, commenting, or reblogging and its implied they shouldn't be reading it at all.

the dni when its applied to specific genders is usually if not just always about gay writing so, lesbians wanting NO MEN AT ALL to read their posts or gay men wanting NO WOMEN AT ALL to read theirs. i think its silly and i dont think any of us need to be excluding people for the crime of their pronouns/gender

like how are we gonna sit here and gatekeep gay writing, its for the gays, regardless of their gender, or their assigned parts, or their pronouns. like, when you write and publish a book you dont get to sit there and dictate to bookstores that they better not sell your book to any men, and if you see any men that are reading/have read your book then, what? like what are you actually gonna do? if someone who identifies as a man reads your work thats marked 'men dni', you dont accomplish shit, all you do is deprive yourself of a like and maybe a comment that would compliment your writing cause that doesnt actually stop people from reading it. trying to exclude people from your works that you're POSTING ONLINE FOR EVERYONE TO SEE is stupid, the only time a dni makes sense to me is when its for minors.

and i already know someones gonna be up in arms about how 'god forbid gay/lesbian writers try to have their own spaces where theyre not fetishized by creepy women/men' and like, bro if someone hops in your comments being weird call THAT person out? why are you making generalizations based on gender, thats fucked up no matter which side you're doing it from.