#but thank you for giving me the opportunity to be a lil stupid and insane about what goes on inside my notes app

[sieglinde-freud]

but what if the entire lucina gang were sent to fates instead of just 3??

ANON IM SORRY THIS TOOK ME LIKE FIVE YEARS TO GET TO i got the ask and i was like “omg i literally have something in my notes about this i’ll pull it up when i have time” and then i just fucking forgot. sorry. and then i remembered again. and then life started like rapid fire punching me in the face. but im here now im answering it now im so sorry anyways its probably gonna be long and unorganized so cut

okay anyways so i think there’s a lot of different ways you can implement the second gen into fates and firstly my favorite and also the most stupid way to do so and also what i have in my notes is to split em all up between the four nohrian royals. they all get three new retainers from bumfuck nowhere and it makes no sense and it creates the worst dynamics ever. i assigned them like this:

xander: inigo, kjelle, laurent

camilla: severa, noire, yarne

leo: owain, cynthia, nah

elise: gerome, brady, lucina

and then morgans not there bc they throw off the even split but i think in that case, maybe corrin gets both of them? i think thatd be cute. anyways i’d be willing to move any of them like im not that attached to these placements, but i quite like the potential lord retainer dynamics that happen here. kjelle and laurent might seem a bit too similar to xander in terms of stoicism but hear me out. i think raging feminist man hating lesbian kjelle being tossed to work under xander would be fucking hilarious. you know how inigo almost beat xander in that match? guess who’d wipe the floor with him. and then i think laurents like. like laurent is normal passing. but you see he also has the pent up rage of an bullied 13 year old soon to be if not corrected incel and i think having that be explored with xander would be actually fucking hilarious. imagine one day xander is just like “hey laurent can you do something for me?” and laurent, whos been dealing with reeling back in inigo and kjelle (and uh. maybe peri if shes still here i havent thought that part through) and is absolutely sick of everyones bullshit just snaps and goes “NO! NO I FUCKING CANT!” and everyone in nohr just has this feeling of unease. something in the universe just broke.

and then with camilla i was like “well who would she dote on the most” and i picked noire and yarne. i can understand why yarne might be controversial because he is not a cute girl HOWEVER consider that he IS a cute rabbit. very cute. and hes terrified of everything all the time. i think camilla would find that charming and i think he would be terrified of her but also like. extremely devoted?? like i think he’d respect and look up to her a lot. just. just let me do that twenty feet away from you. please (lonqu!yarne????) but also i think theres very motherlike aspect to camilla that i think could eventually break through yarnes anxiety if she just started approaching him a little differently. and also the fact that shes one of nohrs best warriors and would murder anyone who comes close to harming him would probably help feel a little more secure in not dying. like it wouldnt fix him but it might help. and then noire is similar except she IS a cute girl and also i think camilla would be insanely into her talisman persona. make of that what you will i dont know but also going back to camilla as a motherish figure so obviously all of the future kids moms kicked the bucket meaning they all lacked proper mother figures for a good chunk of their lives, but noire never really had a proper mother figure… at all? bc bad timeline tharja was fucking abusive! so i think if she could find some of what she was missing in camilla, whether of not its particularly healthy i dont know but i think if she could that’d set up something interesting between them. theres also the fact that camilla and tharja are slightly similar in their callousness, only that camillas isnt aimed at her allies like tharjas sometimes is. i think that could actually end up being really comforting for noire in an oddly familiar way. healthy? debatable. but… interesting. DO YOU GUYS SEE MY VISION AM I INSANE

and then leo. ok im iffy on these guys like i could move them. but i think cynthia would be a nice retainer for leo to have bc i think they could have a fun “woah youre so cool! like a real hero” “im not the hero you think i am or want me to be” conversation and that wouldnt require cynthia to be his retainer to have but i think it would be nice. im not sure he’d send her on the same missions he sent odin on because shes not cosplaying as the worlds greatest mage (… or is she… no i dont think she’d abandon her pegasus) so theyd get on a lot easier at first. nah is here because i wanted to give leo a break and also i think leo being curious about a manakete thats similar but also not too much similar to corrin would be interesting. idk tho this is my least favorite placement. would be willing to switch.

and then for elise’s new retainers its interesting because shes the only nohr royal who didnt get an awakening kid so. ive given her three new ones. ger bear is here bc i think itd be fucking hilarious. yes, maybe itd make more sense to put him with xander or leo. i dont care though. i want him to bow down to the littlest princess of nohr, nohrs absolute sunshine, blah blah blah. also i think it’d be good for him. dude needs some sunshine. brady i was a little iffy on. i almost placed him with leo and im not sure where i prefer him actually, but i stuck him with elise because i think in some way, elise might, at first glance, remind him a bit of his mother. and kinda like with noire im not sure if its the healthiest way to go about his grief because elise is evidently not maribelle, but i think it could be a fun little arc for him to go through to try and break that image and learn to not project everything he wished maribelle couldve done for him onto elise. bradys a real funky guy i want him to go through some turmoil. and then lucina is here because i love their warriors support conversation and i think lucina being around elise could be so incredibly healing to the part of her that never got a chance to be a kid. and elise is a really fucking smart character yk i think she’d catch on really easily to how much lucina represses and try to bring it out of her. actually this goes for gerome and brady too i think she’d see a lot of her siblings in them and try to bring out as much of their childishness as she can because FUCK!!! these bitches are SAD!!! send help!!

this au is incredibly unrealistic and jambled but i just like thinking about it. i have no idea how this would affect the plot of fates. nohr’s army just gets a huge fucking power boost i guess???? they could probably kill anankos on their own. i believe it. but im quite honestly not all that interested in the giant plot i just like thinking about how the characters might interact and change. the nohrian royals and the awakening gen are just. so insane. and i didnt even bring up the rest of the fates cast (this post is fucking LONG ENOUGH) but i will be thinking. oh yes i will be thinking.

[smoshidiot]

sorry in advance if this is rambly or doesn't make sense. it's 3am and i just have a stupid amount of love for smosh in my heart rn and i wanted to make a lil appreciation post 💕

first off i wanna say: happy birthday smosh! i can't believe this silly youtube channel is already 18 years old. it's hard to exactly describe how much smosh means to me. i discovered the channel nearly 10 years ago (my anniversary is on the 25th!) and even at the times in my life when i wasn't actively watching smosh, they always had such a special place in my heart. ian and anthony have always been able to make me laugh in a way that other channels have never really been able to, and it has been such an absolute delight to see them working together again.

ever since june 20th my life has really been centered around smosh and it's been amazing. if you told me a year ago that this is what my life would look like i never would've believed you. i am so unbelievably grateful for all of the joy, laughter, and opportunities smosh has brought me since anthony's return. i wanna say how happy i am that smoshblr exists and was so welcoming as soon as i made my blog. i honestly don't know if i would've stuck with smosh so strongly if i didn't have this great community to chat with and rediscover my love of this channel with.

and then of course, smoshblr and my friends here led me to joining the smoshcord which has been my absolute home these past few months. i have made so many incredible friends on that server and i wouldn't trade it for the world. all of the neighbors mean sm to me and i absolutely cannot wait to meet a bunch of them at vidcon 2024. also! i am still so honored that erica from the team over at smosh chose me (as well as a few other amazing ppl!) as a community mod for smoshcord. it feels so amazing to be able to give back to the smosh community, for how much it has given me over the years. and just to be recognized by smosh as a respected member of the community means the absolute world to me.

along those lines, while i'm being sappy i think i'm allowed to be a lil selfish and say ?? holy shit if you told 12 year old me that i would go on to have regular conversations with anthony padilla i would tell you you're absolutely insane. it has been such an absolute wild ride but it's so fucking cool that ian and anthony (ok mostly anthony but i think ian too bc of streams n stuff!) know who i am. i have an insane amount of love in my heart for these boys and it's so nice to interact with them on a slightly more personal level. it still feels like an absolute dream to even see them sit next to each other, let alone sit next to each other while saying my name.

but anyways i just want to say thank you smosh. thank you for all of the love and laughter and hope you have given me. you've shown me that friendship DOES truly always win. i am so fucking proud of these boys for mending their relationship and coming through such a hard time to create something genuinely beautiful.

anyways i wanna shoutout @smoshmonker @squig-s @yourinterestisnotcringe @lilac-hecox @kubabamia @only-frann for being just so lovely and fun to talk smosh with ♡ i am so grateful i met you all and that smosh brought us together like this! (sorry if there's any other neighborhood friends that i simply forgot the tumblr urls for ilyy)

[citrinesparkles]

doctor todd.

jason todd x gender neutral vigilante!reader. 1,875 words. notes: requested by @jason-redhood as part of my hundred followers celebration! this got a lot longer than i intended, oopsies. thanks for requesting- hope you enjoy! warnings: tending wounds, mentions of food.

"y'know, lurking outside somebody's window is a good way to get yourself shot," jason called over his shoulder.

"i'll keep that in mind," you said, voice strained enough to shoot dread into his veins and draw his attention completely away from his work.

he set the gun he had been cleaning on the table and twisted around to find you gingerly sliding through the open window.

"hey," you mumbled, giving him a weak wave after your boots hit the floor. "sorry for not calling, i just..."

you were backlit, the glow of the city making it impossible to see your features from the dining area- but your posture alone was enough to have him shoving his chair back and crossing his apartment.

"how bad?" he asked, stopping a few steps back, now able to make out the tears in your suit and the bruises around your mask.

"pretty sure i sprained my wrist, and there's a poorly-bandaged gash on my leg, but otherwise i'm peachy."

"how bad's the leg?"

"i'm... not sure. bad enough that i think i need your help." you patted the windowsill with a gloved hand. "obviously."

he nodded and slid to your good side, gently resting a hand on your shoulder. "okay. c'mon, my stuff's in the bathroom."

-

"here." he handed you a pair of shorts and a large tank top. "change into this so i can get to the wounds, okay? i'll be right out here if you need anything."

-

"you're good!" you called.

he nudged the bathroom door back open and scooped your uniform up from the floor, carefully putting it in a canvas bag and tying the handles together before setting it in the tub to deal with later. "alright," he sighed, turning back to face you.

his clothes looked way too right on you, he realized, a wave of emotion he would vehemently deny surging through his chest and pushing heat to his neck and cheeks.

"alright?"

"okay. alright. uh-" he jerked a thumb at the counter- "up here, i guess, so i can see your leg."

you propped one foot on the toilet lid and braced your good hand against his shoulder, his hands instinctively coming up to hover around your waist as you pushed yourself up and settled next to the sink.

the grateful smile you gave him was enough to tug his lips into a smile of his own.

"you're up, doctor todd," you teased.

he stepped forward with a halfhearted eyeroll, fingers brushing the cloth tied hastily around your leg. "can i take this off?"

"go ahead."

he tugged gently at the knot, wincing when you inhaled sharply. "sorry."

the scrap fell away, revealing dried blood and an open wound on the outside of your thigh.

"yeesh, that is nasty," he said.

you scoffed lightly. "gee, thanks."

"hey, if you wanted a nice doctor, you probably should have gone somewhere else." he shifted to the side, grabbing a clean cloth and bottle of alcohol. "fair warning, you're really not gonna like me here in a minute."

your quick "i seriously doubt that." was greeted with a grin that felt a little too fond for his liking.

he told himself it was for your benefit.

...yeah, that sounded good.

he could live with that.

-

he made quick work of cleaning the gash, doing his best to distract you by making stupid small talk about the horrible movie he'd sat through that morning because the tv remote had been out of reach and the mediocre new coffee shop with dry blueberry muffins.

"was the coffee okay, at least?"

"okay, yeah, but not 'five-dollars-fifty' okay. if i hadn't been falling asleep in line i probably would have left when i saw the price."

"there's a nice one up by my place, they make the best blueberry muffins ever."

he hummed. "i'll keep that in mind, next time i'm over that way." he leaned back, studying your cut. "i think stitches would probably be smart."

you groaned. "of course they would."

"i'm okay to do them- i do them on myself- but if you want i can give you a lift to a hospital or something."

"no. if you can, i want you to do them. i trust you."

he sat with that for a minute, searching your face for any hesitation. when he found none, he nodded. "okay."

-

as you both expected, it sucked.

to make things worse, he was rapidly running out of mindless things to talk about.

how many times could two people really argue about pizza toppings before it got old?

-

"alright, done."

"holy shit, finally." you slumped back, leaning on your good hand for a moment before your head snapped back up. "no, not like- i meant thank you, you did great, i'm not being an ingrate-"

"i know, relax." he nudged your knee with a goofy smile. "here, gimme your wrist."

you pouted (which, yes, that was also adorable, much to his dismay), carefully stretching your bad arm out.

he took your hand gently, scooping it up in one of his and bracing your forearm up with his other. "it's actually not too bad, considering you hit hard enough to tear your glove. i'm gonna clean the scrapes here up, though, okay?"

"do i really get a choice?"

"it's your body, so, yeah."

you sighed dramatically. "fine, if you insist. go ahead, clean my wounds for me."

-

he was quiet this time, focusing intently on removing bits of dirt and stuff from your raw palm with a set of tweezers.

trying to ignore the way your eyes seemed to linger on him now that he was looking down.

he set the tweezers aside, glancing up at you to find you smiling at him thoughtfully, and dropped his gaze just as quickly as he had lifted it. "what, you enjoying making me do all the work?"

"you could say that, yeah."

he scoffed. "well, you're going to enjoy it a lot less in a second. time for the alcohol again."

"ugh."

-

he managed to dig up an old wrist brace in the back of his sock drawer. a little big for you, but it would work for now, he figured.

"may i?"

you nodded and held your arm back out for him to loop the brace over your thumb and tuck the velcro strap under and around, pulling it snug against your skin before sticking it to itself.

-

"last one, tough stuff." he pointed at your cheek, where a small patch of dried blood stained your skin. "ready?'

you nodded tiredly. "let's just get this over with. this counter isn't as comfortable as it looks."

he chuckled, dampening the softest cloth he had and wringing it out. "sorry, i didn't think i needed to get an apartment with counter cushions." he raised his left hand up, hovering an inch or so below your chin. "uh, can i..?"

your eyes widened, glancing at his hand. "oh, uh, sure. yeah."

he moved slowly, raising it to cup your chin softly with his middle and forefinger on one side and thumb on the other. "this okay?"

"mhm." your eyes slid shut and he could almost believe that you sank into his touch.

if it wasn't absolutely insane, anyway. his touch wasn't exactly the kind people sank into- much less people like you. people that good, that caring, that stunning? yeah, no.

he tilted your head to the side slightly, rubbing gentle circles across your cheekbone with the cloth and watching as the blood faded.

"so, who did this?" he asked softly, casually.

apparently not casually enough, though, because you snorted at him. "why, you think you need to go avenge me? defend my honor or something?"

"no! i'm just curious. just... making conversation."

your eyes opened, amusement dancing in them and threatening to hypnotize him. "good. i shouldn't have to tell you who won that fight, jay."

"well, i mean, you are missing a chunk of your thigh."

"aw, is the big bad vigilante worried about lil old me?"

he squeezed your face gently, pushing your cheeks up and forward into a goofy fish face. "it's rude to tease the guy tending to your wounds, babe."

he definitely didn't imagine your breath hitching. "babe, huh?" you asked playfully.

"shut up," he grumbled. "don't make me regret helping."

-

"alright, looks like that's the last scrape. you're all cleaned up."

"thanks, jason." you smiled up at him, soft and warm and genuine. "i really appreciate this."

"yeah, yeah." he squeezed your jaw again. "try not to make it a habit."

"mhm." a moment passed quietly before you spoke quietly. "so, you gonna do something here, or can i have my face back?"

he froze.

your mouth- which he was really trying not to look at- shifted into a confident smirk, a challenge written clearly in the angle of your lips.

your eyes, bright under the harsh lighting, told a different story. one of vulnerability, and want, and something close to fear.

"do you want me to?" his voice was hoarser than he'd intended, and he swore you could hear his heartbeat echoing in it.

your gaze dipped to his lips. "would it make everything super weird?"

"you just came crawling through my window in the middle of the night in a mask and kevlar. i think things are already weird."

he felt your hum under his fingers. "then why not?"

"do you really want me to answer that?"

"jason, will you please just kiss me already?"

"well, you did say please." he leaned in slowly, giving you every opportunity to slip away or yell 'sike!'

all you did was bring your good hand up to his collar and pull him towards you.

your lips were soft and gentle, and the way they pulled upwards slightly when his hand slid from your jaw to cup your cheek was something he'd be thinking about for weeks.

when he eventually pulled back, it took him a moment to open his eyes. he was half convinced that if he did, it would be to his bedroom ceiling, the past half an hour all a dream.

instead, he found your fond gaze.

"finally."

he let out a huff of laughter, thumb running over your cheek. "you should stay here tonight."

"w-"

"not like that," he clarified quickly. "you have stitches, you shouldn't go leaping across rooftops tonight. i can take the couch."

"hm." you smoothed out his shirt collar, the barely-there brush of your fingers against his shoulder almost tugging a whine out of him. "or i can take the couch, and then you can take me home in the morning and let me treat you to an actual blueberry muffin."

"are you asking me out?" it was a teasing comment, paired with a tiny smirk meant to fluster you.

but it was also a reality check.

you seemed to catch the second meaning. "yeah, i am. would you, please, let me take you out on a date?"

"i'll have to check my calenda-"

"you're so full of it."

"yeah, probably."

"is that a yes?"

he laughed, bringing his other hand up to squeeze your knee. "yeah, i can let you take me on a date. i could use a good muffin."

[cacoetheswriting]

a saturday ritual

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Warnings: mild swearing, a single parent home, mentions of death (death of a parent & a significant other), mentions of alcohol consumption, and a lil pining, but mainly just FLUFF Word Count: 5.6k Request: anonymous: “I love your Spencer Reid fics! I was wondering if you could write something with Spencer and a single mom reader?? Thanks”

A/N: a very brief summary: spencer is infatuated by his new neighbour, a single mom to a five year old boy who likes to wreak havoc in their shared corridor. also, this one turned out to be a lot A LOT longer than i initially thought it would be but honestly i had so much fun writing this fic, it really could have gone on foreverrrrr ENJOY and as always let me know what you think ! 

-

For about a week after you moved into the apartment across from his, Spencer wondered what would be an acceptable excuse to go introduce himself.

Having been away on a case those first couple of days, he missed the initial opportunity. Later, his colleagues told him that was enough of a justification. Much later. Too late. Now the moment has passed, and he wondered whether pretending he needed salt or sugar was a good enough pretext. Lame.

He's caught glimpses of you out in the shared hall returning from the grocery store, or by the post box downstairs collecting your mail. Glimpses. Passing fleeting seconds. Never enough time to say hello, however enough to notice you were really beautiful.

Also enough to notice the little boy constantly tugging at your clothes. From what he could see, the resemblance was uncanny. The boy was your son no doubt. And given that Spencer hasn’t seen another adult around, he came to a conclusion you were a single mom.

It was now Saturday morning. Saturday. A day he usually spent grading papers and preparing class materials for the week ahead. And this weekend began no differently.

With a cup of coffee, he sat at his desk and began working away when an odd droning sound caught his attention. Buzzing. Yet it wasn’t mechanical, no. The peculiar hum echoing outside seemed more manmade. Childlike.

Yes, the brunette doctor deducted, the buzzing sounds he was currently hearing were most definitely airplane noises made by a kid.

At first, he decided to pay no attention to what was going on outside his door. He felt bad enough for not going to introduce himself, so he wasn't about to become the mean man from across the hall who gave out about playing children.

After taking a sip of his coffee, he proceeded to bury his head in the papers scattered across his desk. The sound wasn’t too loud meaning it wasn't a big distraction. He could continue to get his work done despite the clatter.

It was then he heard your voice for the first time. The melodic tone drew him in even more than the buzzing echo. 

Dropping his pen, he instantly got to his feet and ambled towards the front door - now was his chance. 

His hand hovered over the knob, but before he got a chance to do anything, he heard a slam. The noises stopped. Silence once again filled the hall outside.

The hazel-eyed doctor felt slightly foolish. He didn't really know what he wanted to accomplish by springing up so fast. Even if he managed to catch you, what was he going to say? I heard your voice, and wanted to see you. Stupid. You would think he's absolutely clinically insane. I heard you out here, and wanted to finally introduce myself. Better. Although still a little weird.

With a sigh, he sunk back in his seat and continued with his usual Saturday routine. Hoping he would get another chance.

Sunday he heard the buzzing again. Only this time he was walking up the stairs, returning from a late afternoon stroll. 

Once he reached his floor he came face to face with the source of the airplane noises currently echoing throughout the building.

Spencer thought the young boy couldn't be more than five. He was wearing a jumper that was clearly too big on him. Probably one of yours, Spencer thought. Arms spread out by his side, the oversized garment covering his hands in full, the kid ran circles up and down the corridor. A wide grin on his face. The hoodie dragging on the floor collecting dustballs.

Mixed with the noises was the sound of your laughter, coming from inside your apartment. The honey-like harmony was like music to Spencer's ears. A small smile crept up on his features; what the hell was going on with him? How could he possibly feel an attraction to someone he’s never met, held a conversation with.

The boy stopped abruptly when he noticed Spencer. His arms fell, and he ran into your apartment. Vanished as if he’d seen a ghost. Although, he must have been waiting, looking out for when the coast was clear again, because as soon as Spencer closed his own door the buzzing resumed.

It continued on for hours.

Having spent time with JJ’s boys, Spencer was no stranger to the amount of energy little kids possessed. Often when playing he would be the one to grow tired first. He would be the one that needed a break while they continued to wreak havoc. Therefore the noises didn't bother him. He went about his evening, subconsciously listening out for your voice.

The next few days were quiet.

Not like he spent a lot of time at home anyway. Between his classes and his unpredictable work hours with the FBI, he only went back to his apartment to sleep. And that was usually really late at night.

Thursday evening, after a surprisingly short day, he was fumbling through his bag in search for his key when the sudden urge to go and finally say hello came over him. He knocked on your door and instantly heard shuffling inside. There was no turning back now.

Soon you were standing in front of him. Subtly, he looked you up and down. His grip on the strap of his bag tightening. Wow, you were even more beautiful than the glimpses he caught. 

That came off rather stalker-ish, he took a mental note.

“Hello. Can I help you?” You asked while leaning against the frame, one hand holding the door so not let the brunette stranger see inside.

“Hi, I’m Spencer. I live across the hall.” He introduced himself, examining your face for any sort of reaction. Completely blank. “Can I help you?” You repeated. The brunette doctor was slightly taken aback by your cold shoulder. He pursed his lips into a thin smile. “No. I just wanted to introduce myself and say that if you needed anything-” “Thanks.” You cut him off and closed the door in his face.

Spencer took a step back. That definitely didn’t go as he thought it would. He rationalised your behaviour as a response to his tardiness with regards to greeting you and your son in the building. Although he still couldn’t believe you were so, for lack of a better word, bitchy.

Glancing one last time at your door, he unlocked his own and stepped inside. At least now he could say he tried introducing himself. He tried being the friendly neighbour.

Saturday arrived once again in the blink of an eye. This particular morning, the hazel-eyed doctor had an abundance of papers to grade. He made himself comfortable and got to work.

Unlike last week, when the airplane noises didn't bother him, today he found them to be quite irritating. He would reread the same sentences at least twice before he even began to understand them. Not ideal.

Frustrated, he ran his fingers through his already messy curls and let out a deep sigh. He really needed to concentrate, but he also didn't want to be a dick about it. Possibly making the already tense situation even worse.

Quickly, and rather impulsively, he gathered his things. He put on his shoes, threw his bag over his shoulder, and walked out into the hall.

This time the little boy was sitting on the floor in the middle of the corridor. In his hands he gripped two toy planes, flying them around in the air. The boy looked up at Spencer and smiled, but continued to play. Spencer smiled back while locking his door, and proceeded to make his way down the stairs.

Yes. He felt good about his decision to work somewhere else for the day.

That evening, as he was about to reheat some leftovers, there was a knock on the door. It was faint. So faint in fact he wasn't sure if he heard it at first. For a split second he hesitated, his attention now focused solely on the door. Another knock. Louder this time. He hurried over and opened it to greet the mysterious guest.

You.

Dressed in an oversized band t-shirt, one Spencer didn't recognise, and a pair of biker shorts - all covered in spatters of colourful paint. Your hair was up in a bun with loose strands escaping by your face. Spencer also noticed a yellow paint smudge on your left cheek, and white speckles on your forehead. Despite the dishevelled attire, you looked considerably more relaxed than the day he went to introduce himself.

“I guess I should start off by apologising.” You began in that melodic tone he first heard last week. “When you came by, I was really rude. I'm not usually like that, I swear. It’s just I have a lot on my plate right now. Benny’s grandparents, from his dad’s side, are giving me grief for moving so far away from them. Even though it’s only an extra twenty minute drive. But you know, they are Benny’s grandparents and I love them. They’re family. Anyway, minutes before you knocked I was on the phone with them, again about the same thing, and the conversation put me in a foul mood. Which really isn’t an excuse for the way I acted towards you so, yeah, inexcusable. I’m sorry.”

The hazel-eyed doctor couldn't help but lightly smirk. He’s never met anyone that rambled nearly as much as him. He’s learned more about you in the last ten seconds than he did the whole time you lived across from him.

“Okay. Okay, you’re smiling. That’s a good sign, right?” You brought your hands to your face, gently pressing your fingertips to the corners of your mouth as if to cover the embarrassment you were no doubtly feeling right now. “Because I did actually come here to invite you over for pizza. A truly lame attempt to try show you that I am in fact a good person and not that bitch you met.”

“I love pizza.” Spencer simply stated causing a sigh of relief to escape your lips.

“Great. That’s great.” A warm expression graced your facial features. “Oh, I’m Y/N by the way.” You were about to reach out your hand when you noticed the colourful paint covering your fingers. “Mom life.” You joked, cheeks flushing a soft pink, and let your arms fell back down to your side.

You patiently waited for Spencer to grab his keys and phone before making your way across the hall.

Your apartment was slightly larger than his, two bedrooms, and the decor also couldn’t have been more different to his own. Colourful, vibrant, homey. Those would be the words he’d use to describe what he was witnessing.

In the middle of the living space stood a dark green couch. Draped over it were numerous blankets, hiding underneath them were mismatched throw pillows. On the coffee table lay a stack of books, surrounded by children’s toys. The wall behind the television was decorated from corner to corner with various sized frames. Inside those frames were different movie posters, photos, random prints, and what he speculated was some of Benny’s artwork.

He was in awe as to how fast you managed to make this place feel like your own.

“Make yourself comfortable. I’m gonna quickly wash my hands to try get this pesky paint off, and then we can order food.” With that you disappeared leaving Spencer alone to examine the rest of your place.

His attention was caught by a not so white bedsheet, opposite end of the living space. It was covered in paint. On top of the sheet, stood an old pickle jar that was filled with water. It held numerous brushes. Next to it was a plastic box with tubes of acrylic paint with every colour a person could possibly dream of.

Spencer took a couple of steps towards the bedsheet. He didn't want to seem nosey, he just wanted to get a better look at the currently drying canvases. A distinct pitter of small feet caused him to stand up straight, frozen, as if he was caught doing something illegal.

“A-are, are you the pizza guy?” Benny asked curiously, tilting his little head to one side.

“No uhm, I’m Spencer. I live across the hall.” He explained. “Your mom invited me.” That felt like an important thing to add.

Benny sized him up. His eyes narrowed, lips pursed into a serious pout, nose scrunched. He crossed his little arms as if he was daring Spencer. It was rather silly, this five year old trying to intimidate a grown man, and yet the brunette doctor began to feel nervous. He didn't understand why. He was usually really good with kids.

“Benny, bunny, quit trying to scare our guest.” You returned, grabbing your sons attention and breaking the odd charade. Benny’s gaze traveled to you. “Go do a little clean up of your toys please. I saw those planes your pops bought you in the bathtub. That’s not their place, is it?” Benny shook his head and ran off with a loud chuckle.

You glanced at Spencer and shot him a kind smile.

“Sorry about that. He gets the whole intimidation thing after his dad.” “That’s okay.” Spencer replied. You could tell he was being nice, just like he could tell Benny’s dad was a touchy subject. Spencer wasn’t about to make it worse. It wasn’t his place. And you didn't know him well enough yet to spill the secrets of your past relationship. Therefore, the two of you stood completely still for an awkward second just looking at one another.

“Would you like anything to drink?” You asked, breaking the silence. “We have orange juice, water, or mom juice.” “Mom juice?” Spencer raised an intrigued brow. “Wine.” You explained giggling. Spencer nodded his head with a smile. “I’ll have some mom juice then.” “Good choice.”

As he sat down on the couch, you receded into the kitchen, returning shortly with two plastic cups in hand. “I forgot to ask which you’d prefer, red or white, so I brought a glass of each. Whatever you won’t have, I’ll drink.” You reached out your hands. Spencer took the cup with red wine, his fingers brushing gently against yours in the process. Spark. No, he thought. He was imagining things.

Unknown to the brunette doctor, you felt it too. The blood rushed to your face for a split second as you nervously cleared your throat before taking a sip of your wine.

“You have to forgive the plastic cups. One of Benny’s latest favourite activities is pretending to be an airplane and breaking everything in sight, so I locked all my nicer glassware away.” You explained while elegantly plopping down next to Spencer. “Plastic cups are nice. It’s like a picnic.” God, how dumb. He mentally smacked himself. Idiot.

However, your light giggle indicated you didn’t seem to mind. Your eyes widened a little, and he could have sworn they were glistening. “Well thank you Spencer. You’re the first person to say something nice rather than commenting on my parenting style.”

It was the first time you said his name out loud. And in that melodic tone of yours, it echoed inside his brain like a song. Leaving a permanent mark.

“My mom thinks I need to discipline him more, but no-one ever said it would be this hard alone.” You babbled on, completely oblivious to the silent commotion currently going on inside Spencer’s mind. “Benny’s dad was the bad cop per se, I’m no good at it. My son can cause all the trouble in the world, and still all it would take is for him to look up at me with those bunny eyes and all is good again. Probably because he has his dad’s eyes...” You stopped yourself, and chewed down on your bottom lip.

“Sorry.” You fluttered your lashes at the man sitting next to you. “I’ve been told I talk too much.”

Spencer brought the cup to the brim of his mouth and chuckled. “Don’t be. I’ve been told the exact same thing.” He took a sip of his wine.

“I find that hard to believe. You’ve barely squeezed in four full sentences these last fifteen minutes, while I just go on and on and on.”

“Give it time. I guarantee you’ll be sick of me by the end of the night, and I will never get invited over for pizza again.”

Without thinking, you reached out and placed your hand on his forearm. The air hitched in Spencer’s throat as his eyes briefly traveled down to where you were gently grasping. “Consider this your weekly invite.” You said in a silvery tone and proceeded to give his arm a gentle squeeze.

Just like that, Spencer’s Saturday routine was richer by one more item. Perhaps the most important item on the list. Pizza at the apartment across from his.

Truthfully, it was his favourite time of the week. 

During those weekly visits, Spencer quickly learned a lot about you. Where you grew up, any likes and dislikes, hobbies, facts about your family. He learned that you used to teach art at a high school; a job you loved but ultimately decided to leave after you became a single parent. Now, you work at an art gallery only a few blocks from here.

Spencer evened out the scale by sharing his own stories and fables. You were quite surprised to hear about the numerous doctorates he possessed, the work he did, some of the shit he went through, and honestly just how smart he actually was.

Each time you met, you each discovered something new about one another. Something that made you seem even more interesting in the other persons eyes. 

Although, an unspoken agreement was in place, the topic of Benny’s dad was off limits. For now.

When Benny got comfortable having Spencer around, the weekly pizza routine evolved into other activities involving you and your son. Movie nights. Walks to the park. Playground visits. Home-cooked dinners at yours. Puzzle afternoons at his. Spencer taught Benny and you magic tricks, while you taught Spencer how to paint.

Soon enough you were exchanging keys and before either of you even realised, six months passed.

Spencer spent Saturday morning preparing class materials for the week ahead, as usual. Through the thin walls he could hear unmistakable airplane noises and patter of feet running up and down the corridor. He smiled to himself. The echo was a pleasant reminder it was only a few hours until he would see you for pizza.

See during these last few months, Spencer fell head over heels for you. He fell hard. The ever present smile on circling your already perfect features when he was around, your honey-like laughter, your lavender scent, the way you were with Benny, the way you always watched the hazel-eyed doctor with such great interest whenever he broke out into an obscure fact.

The more time he spent with you, the more his love grew.

Spencer knew that he could never act on it. If he was a selfish man perhaps, but he wasn’t. He would never put his own needs ahead of your friendship as it wasn’t just you and him in this scenario. He had to consider Benny. What if the relationship went south and he was just another man to break both of your hearts? No. He’d never act on his feelings. There was way too much at stake.

Though he still considered himself lucky. Having a place in your life, being your friend. That’s lucky.

“Right on time as always.” You beamed as Spencer stumbled inside, closing your apartment door behind him. He ambled towards the coach and sat in his now usual spot - the left corner, with you in the right.

“Where’s Benny?” He asked, looking around for the little monster. “Benny is tucked away in his bed. He kindly requested a slice of pizza to be brought to him once it arrives so it’s really just you and me tonight. Hope that’s still okay with you.” “I mean, yeah, I guess that’s fine.” Spencer teased, shrugging his shoulders.

You rolled your eyes at him, but didn't say anything else on the matter. Odd, the brunette doctor thought. You always had a witty comeback. It was one of the many things he loved about you.

“I’m sure you could tell me how many pizza nights we had exactly, so I took the liberty of ordering our food already.” You said with a small smile.

“Thirty-two pizza nights.” Spencer stated simply. You furrowed your brows. “That doesn't right.” “Taking into account every Saturday we spent together, plus pizza on your birthday, Memorial Day, and the other few evenings we didn't feel like cooking, it adds up to thirty-two.”

“Holy shit. Maybe we should start ordering salads.” Spencer chuckled at your response. “Pizza is a lot better.” He pointed out and you couldn't argue with that logic.

Food arrived shortly after. You briskly took two slices over to Benny on a plastic plate, checking up on him in the process. While you were gone Spencer chose a movie. One that you would both equally enjoy.

You sat down again, only this time you sat beside him in what is usually Benny’s spot. Shoulder to shoulder. Spencer froze completely. Thinking if he’d move even an inch, it would scare you off and you’d shift away. You reached for a blanket and draped it over the two of you before glancing up at the hazel-eyed doctor.

“Is this okay?” Contrary to the usual melodic tone of your voice, the question came out quite croaky. Nervous. He met your gaze, losing himself completely in the colour of your eyes, and slowly nodded his head.

He’s thought about kissing you before and always managed to fight the urge. Although, in all the time the two of you spent together he was never situated this close to you. Your face was a mere few inches away from his. Oh fuck. 

The moment lasted only about half a second, but to Spencer it felt like time stood still. Honestly, if you hadn’t turned away to start the movie, he probably would have lost the inner battle. He wouldn't have been able to hold himself back. He would have kissed you. Maybe he was a selfish man after all.

Swallowing the growing lump in his throat, Spencer also turned his attention to the tv. Without breaking your eyes from the screen ahead, you handed him a slice of pizza which he took gratefully. The two of you ate in silence. Enjoying the movie, but mainly each other’s presence.

The brunette man couldn't place the exact moment you cuddled yourself up to him. One minute he peeked to ask you a question about something that now seemed unimportant and you were just there, your head resting against his chest.

A smile circled his lips. He could definitely get used to this.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m completely lost.” You mumbled. “And that says a lot considering I’ve seen this movie before. I didn’t understand it then, I still don’t understand it now.”

“If you've seen this before, why did you let me choose it?” Spencer asked. You tilted to look up at him. “Because I thought you’d be able to explain it to me. You know, using that big genius brain of yours.”

Spencer chuckled. He lifted his hand and began to gently caress the top of your head. “What if I tell you my theory and it ruins the movie for you?” He asked, but you waved your hand dismissing his question. “What if you tell me and it improves the movie?”

“That’s a fair point I guess. Okay.” He continued to run his fingers through your hair as he began to explain. “The movie seems confusing because it’s actually reverse order storytelling. It kind of works its way from the end to the beginning through a series of flashbacks and flash-forwards. Therefore, as you’re watching, you get a view into Lenny’s diminishing state of mind.”

You raised a brow. “Are you sure you haven't seen ‘Memento’ before?”

He raised his hands palms up. “I swear this is my first time.” He pledged, corners of his mouth twisting into a smile. “Hmm...” “I’m just extremely observant. Plus you know I love puzzles, and this movie is like one giant puzzle.” He continued. 

“Let’s pretend I believe you Spencer.” You said squinting at him, before turning back to look at the tv. The brunette man smirked under his breath. His hand once again tangling itself in your hair.

The sound of a delicate tiptoe approaching the living room caused you to sit up and reach for the remote. Although to Spencer’s surprise you didn't move away from him. Instead, you leaned your body into his side so that if you wanted, you could place your head back on his shoulder.

“Mommy.” Benny muttered. With a little hoist from you, he scrambled into your lap. “Mommy.” “What’s up bunny? Mommy was just finishing a movie, and then I would have come check on you.”

Benny shook his head. He gripped onto the collar of your t-shirt with one hand, the other travelled to your face. He pushed himself into you, angling your head so that he could whisper something in your ear.

Spencer watched as the smile on your face widened at whatever it was Benny said. The young boy pulled away, and waited for your response. “I don’t know kiddo. Would you like me to ask him?” Benny nodded, also now grinning.

“Spencer?” You turned to address the brunette man. “What is your opinion on pillow forts?” He saw the sparkle in your eyes and he couldn't help but smile. “I love pillow forts.”

Within the hour, the living space was completely transformed into a squashy soft kingdom. Benny joyfully screamed that this was the best pillow fort ever as he crawled inside, teddybear in hand.

You nudged Spencer’s arm before staring up at him. “Thank you.” Your eyes locked as your hand slid into his with ease. Fingers instantly intertwining together like magnets. 

“We haven't done this since his dad passed. I’ve suggested it many many times, but he uhm, Benny never wanted to.” Pause. The expression on your face dulled. Mouth quivering as you spoke. “Ehm, his dad was a pilot hence my little guys obsession with planes. He died really suddenly nineteen months ago. Benny was so so small. And I don’t really know how much he remembers of his dad, I mean I tell him stories all the time and so do his grandparents, it’s just hard to tell sometimes if uhm... Pillow forts were like their thing, so after his dad I think they were too painful for Benny.”

Spencer gave your hand a gentle squeeze. You were both now standing toe to toe, facing each other fully.

“I guess Benny just needed to feel ready again. Happy even. So what I’m trying to say is, Spencer, thank you. Truly. Thank you for brining joy back into his life.” You hesitated, biting down on your bottom lip.

“Thank you for brining joy back into both of our lives.” 

It meant a lot to Spencer that you finally felt comfortable enough to share more details about Benny’s dad. He never wanted to replace the man, he wouldn't dream of it. All he really wanted since the day he met you was to make you a little bit happier, and to hear he was succeeding warmed his heart.

You immediately noticed how his face lit up ever so slightly. A miniature smile circled your lips. “I just hope we didn't obscure your life too much these last few months.”

Using his free hand, he placed the loose strands of your hair behind your ear. Gently caressing your cheek with his thumb in the process. “Are you kidding? There is nothing I would rather be doing. I love spending time with you guys.”

Your eyes sparked with admiration.

“I love our pizza nights, overanalysing different movies with you, listening to Benny’s rendition of ‘In Summer’ from ‘Frozen’. Heck, I love that I now know what ‘Frozen’ is.” You chuckled as he carried on. “I love painting with you, and how you tell me I’ve gotten a lot better at it even though we both know that’s not true. I love that you get a long with my friends. I love that I can take you and Benny over to JJ’s for playdates. Surprisingly, I love playdates. I love how you let me read to Benny when you’re cooking. I love that he loves when I read to him. And of course I love your cooking.”

Tears formed in your eyes, blurring your vision. Tears of happiness. Tears of joy. The man standing in front of you was saying all of the right things, and he didn't even know it. Or maybe he did. You couldn't really tell. The intense emotions circling through your mind right now made it hard to think.

Spencer continued. Now that he started, he couldn't stop. He wanted you to know all of these things. He wanted you to know how he felt. 

“I love when we go grocery shopping all together, and how you give out to me for my bad diet habits. I love how that always makes Benny laugh. I love how you framed a photo of the three of us and hung it up on your wall, don’t think I didn't notice. I love building lego sets with Benny. I love how the two of you call me when I’m away on a case to make sure I’m okay and tell me about your day. I love the sound of your voice. I love... I love Benny.”

He paused for a split second.

“And I especially love you.”

Tiny salty droplets trailed down your cheeks as you fluttered your lashes. “You love me?” You asked quietly. Spencer nodded his head. “I do. I’m in love with you Y/N.”

You didn't say anything. 

Spencer thought he was done for when you let go of his hand. He thought he ruined it. His nose twitched. His stomach dropped. He was about to apologise, say that if you didn't feel the same way it was definitely more than okay. He just wanted you in his life. But he didn't get a chance too.

Instead, your hand was now holding his face. Your lips attached themselves to his in one breath. He instantly noted how they were softer than he could have ever possibly imagined.

You tasted like coconut chapstick. Like bliss, delight. Instinctively, Spencer’s arm wrapped itself around your waist pulling you as close as humanely possible. He could feel your heart beating in rhythm with his. As your hand tangled itself in his curly hair, he wished this moment could last forever.

When you pulled away breathless, your cheeks were flushed pink. You briefly bit down on your bottom lip before once again meeting Spencer’s inviting gaze - his arm still holding you in a tight embrace. 

“Tell me again.” You whispered. Spencer’s lips circled into a warm smile. “I love you.” He declared. You slowly traced along his jawline with your fingertips. A bright bream circling your features. “I love you too Spencer.”

The second those words filled the air, he picked you up by the waist and spun you around. A carefree shriek slipped out from your mouth. He set you down and gently grabbing your face, he hauled you in for another kiss.

“You have no idea how long I have wanted to tell you all of those things.” He muttered against your lips. His stubble grazing your chin.“How long I’ve been wanting to kiss you.” You giggled.

“Maybe one day you can enlighten me, but I think now we better crawl into that fort as it is way too quiet in there. Suspiciously quiet.” 

Spencer laughed. “Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.” The two of you broke apart. Hand in hand, you joined Benny inside the pillow kingdom. 

The boy was tangled up in a fuzzy blanket, slowly drifting asleep. He cuddled himself up to you the second your back hit the ground. You kissed the top of his head before turning to Spencer.

“Do you want to finish the movie?” You asked quietly.

“It’s okay.” He effortlessly squeezed his arm behind your neck. This allowed you to snuggle in closer and rest against him. “We can just lay here.” “What a perfect plan.”

The smile on your face caused Spencer's heart to skip a beat. He placed a kiss to your temple feeling 100% content.

It was Saturday morning. Saturday. A day Spencer used to spend grading papers and preparing class materials for the week ahead. Now, thanks to the woman sleeping peacefully beside him, his Saturdays looked much different.

Gradually, you stirred next to him. Eyes fluttering open as a yawn escaped your mouth. “Mhmm, good morning.” “Good morning beautiful.”

“How much time do you think we have?” You asked while stretching. “I would say,” Spencer glanced at the imaginary watch on his wrist. “, about five minutes.” He looked down at you and began slowly leaning in. You couldn't help but let out a soft giggle. “Let’s make ‘em count.”

A clatter of fast approaching feet caused you to halt right as your lips were about to touch. Spencer groaned knocking his head back against the wooden headboard. 

“Your calculations were a little off Dr. Reid.” You teased sitting up as he ran his fingers through his ruffled hair. He looked at you once again with the kindest smile. You loved that smile. 

“My apologies Mrs. Reid.” He pecked your lips just as the door flew open, your kids bursting through.

-

masterlist

spencer reid taglist: @no-honey-no​, @calm-and-doctor​, @idroppedmygourd​​

[on-maars]

Indigo Night

Just a cute lil fic based on this post because it was honestly hilarious.

Title doesn’t really have anything to do with the fic, I just like the song. 

Read it on AO3.

It’s a quiet night inside the fire station.

Eddie is comfortably seated on the couch, waiting for their next call but secretly hoping he can sleep until the end of his shift.

Hen is seated on his right side. She seems focused on a book but from the way her eyes keep shutting every few seconds, Eddie knows she’s one second away from falling asleep.

Chimney’s there too, sprawled on the armchair, his eyes fixed on the television currently broadcasting an old episode of Friends, his mouth agape.

And then there’s Bobby, seated at the table, focused on some documents. Only Buck is absent, probably still fast asleep in his bunk downstairs.

“What you doing, Cap?” Hen asks from the couch, her voice low.

“Just getting the paperwork ready for when Eddie and Buck finally get together.” Bobby answers and his voice is deadly serious but a small smile still stretches up his lips at the edges. Eddie whirls his head around and rolls his eyes at him.

“That’s hilarious, Cap.” He says sarcastically and sighs, throwing his head backwards until it touches the backrest of the couch.

“He’s not wrong, y'know.” Chimney adds. “Just tell the damn man you’re in love with him already. This is getting embarrassing.”

Eddies lets out a small laugh and shakes his head in disbelief. There’s no point in denying it any longer – he thinks. Because he is. In love with Buck, that is.

And it’s not breaking news either. It might have been a few years ago, might have been a few months ago, even. But not anymore.

It seems to be a widely accepted truth among the 118. Whether it be among his closest co-workers or among the b-shift as well, everybody just seems to be in the confidence. Nobody questions it. No-one even doubts it. It’s just there, so vibrant, so loud, and Eddie just came to the conclusion that there was simply no need to acknowledge the elephant in the room. No need to make it clearer than it already is. Not after what happened. Not after that day.

Not after the shooting.

Christopher knows, too. Eddie thought he had been discreet enough not to arise suspicion from his own son, but when this one asked him whether the reason he broke up with Ana was because he was in love with ‘his Bucky’, Eddie realized that he had read it all wrong once again. Christopher was just too damn smart for his own good.

Even his own family. Abuela, Tia Pepa, his sisters, all of them confronted him with the truth the day after his break-up with Ana.

“For the love of god Eds please tell him because we’re getting real tired to hear you whine about it every single time we have you on Skype.”

And in his defense, Eddie’s trying. He’s trying really hard to get the message through the thick brain of his best-friend but he may as well waste his breath.

“Yeah well.” Eddie starts and rubs his temples with his hands, holding back a yawn. “I’ve been trying, guys. Buck is just… Clueless.”

“Maybe it’s time you use a more direct approach?” Bobby dares asking after a few seconds.

“Clearer than making him the legal guardian of my own son?” Eddie asks, raising his eyebrows at him, unimpressed.

“Fair enough.” Hen admits quietly. “But you know, maybe you should just be m-”

The rest of the sentence dies in her throat as Buck makes his way upstairs. His steps are heavy with sleep, a steady beat that gives Eddie more comfort than he’d care to admit. His hair is completely disheveled, his face grizzled as he makes his way towards the couch. He takes a seat next to his best-friend, their thighs pressed together and that’s just another thing that drives Eddie crazy, the way Buck always seems to seek comfort in his arms, whether it be after a short nap inside the fire station, after a long shift or a hard call.

And who’s Eddie to deny him? He can’t.

So once again, he lifts his arm and his face softens when Buck instantly leans against him, shyly, discreetly, as if he’s still wondering if it’s allowed, as if he’s still wondering if that’s not crossing a line in their friendship. Eddie wraps his left arm around his shoulders and ignores the knowing looks of both Hen and Chimney, tracing small patterns on Buck’s chest instead.

“What were you guys talkin about?” He says, his voice still groggy from his nap.

“Eddie’s new crush.” Hen says so naturally Eddie almost misses it. But then Buck suddenly sits straight, whirling his head around until his eyes are fixed on him.

“Your… Your new crush?” Buck asks and his face scrunches up in the most adorable confusion Eddie has to physically refrain himself from cradling his chin and kiss him right there on this couch. “You… You didn’t tell me you were… Interested in someone.”

“Yeah well… That’s actually the reason I broke up with Ana.” Eddie tells him, looking at his best-friend without batting an eyelid. For a few seconds, Eddie thinks he can see a flash of hope and longing cross his best-friend’s eyes but it’s gone just as fast. Buck’s eyes still shuttle back and forth, though, as if performing an internal scan of his face and Eddie only wishes he could know what kind of thoughts invade his best-friend’s brain.

“Oh.” Buck only answers, looking away. His eyebrows are furrowed in confusion and there’s that faraway look plastered on his face, the one he gets when his brain is working too fast for his head to catch up. “I- I didn’t know.” He adds. “That’s cool, man.” He says, his tone so cheerful and it’s like a switch flipped in his brain. There’s no confusion, anymore. No hesitation. No hope either. Almost like he pushed these feelings far, far in the back of his brain and forced himself to adopt his good old careless, bright and sparkling attitude.

“Yeah. I’ve actually been dropping them the most insanely obvious hints for, like, six months now. No response.” Eddie says. Hen snorts next to him.

“Wow they sound stupid, Eds.” Buck answers.

“But they’re not.” Eddie contradicts him. “They’re really smart, actually. Just… dense.”

“Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like I don’t know… ‘Hey I love you.’”

Eddie raises his eyes until they fall on Chimney and Hen who’re both watching him with so much expectation and what the hell? Eddie thinks, the opportunity is right there and it’s too good to be true and he would be damned if he didn’t use it.

“Yeah I guess you’re right.” He says, and takes a deep breath before adding: “Hey Buck, I love you.”

“Yes exactly!” Buck answers, smiling big and Eddie raises his eyebrows in confusion. “Just say that!”

“Holy fucking shit.” Eddie whispers while pressing his hand on his forehead, disbelief clearly shown on his face. Hen dissolves in laughter and Chimney hits his head with his book, like he can’t quite believe he saw that scene with his own two eyes.

“If that flies over their head then sorry Eddie, but they’re too dumb for you.” Buck adds after a few seconds, and really, Eddie always prided himself for being a patient man but there’s only so much he can do. “What’s her name?” Buck goes on asking and Eddie sighs.

“She’s a he, Buck.” Eddie instantly answers, exasperated. “He. Masculine. A guy. I like dudes, alright?”

“Really?” Buck smiles. “Do I know him?”

“Oh for Christ’s sake.” Hen groans, rolling her eyes.

And just when Eddie thinks he got through to Buck-

The bell rings.

The call is not bad. Nothing too major. No fire. No major injuries. Just a small car accident, the people involved more frightened than injured. They still take a few minutes to make sure everyone is okay and Eddie’s honestly thankful for the distraction.

Buck is there with him and they’re working in sync just like they always do, but his friend seems to be in a faraway land, his face constantly scrunched up in confusion. Eddie can feel his gaze out of the corner of the eye and there’s nothing more he wants than to turn around and kiss him to finally remove any doubt from his best-friend’s head but they’re on a call and Eddie knows that this is probably the least suited place to have that kind of conversation.

They need to keep it professional.

The drive back is silent, filled with an uneasiness no-one dares to question. Buck is seated right next to him in the ambulance, their shoulders touching with every turns and jolts. No-one questions it anymore. They stopped doing that a long time ago. Hen and Chim are there as well, facing them, invading their safe space and so Eddie gently nudges Buck, making sure his best-friend knows he’s there and ready to talk as soon as they can have some form of privacy.

When they get back inside the fire station, Eddie is once again drawn to Buck. He takes a seat next to him on the couch and smiles to himself when Hen, Chim and Bobby all collectively decided to give them the room.

Eddie can sense the anxiety radiating from his friend’s body and so he decides to take the matter into his own hands and gently catches Buck’s wrist and regularly taps his soft skin with his index, until he can feel his best-friend’s body relaxing next to him.

“Eds, this… this guy.” Buck starts, his voice uncertain, filled with doubt. “Is he uh... a good friend of yours?” He asks and Eddie knows there’s more to it than Buck lets himself express.

“Yeah, Buck.” He answers, squeezing his wrist and looking up at him. “The best-friend I’ve ever had.” He says and Buck’s breath catches in his throat.

“Well for the record, I- I’m pretty sure he likes you too.” Buck says, glancing at him nervously but looking away just as fast.

“Oh, you think?” Eddie teases him and that brings a smile to Buck’s face.

“I know.” He corrects himself. “I know he does. He just- I guess he just didn’t know how to tell you, and- and he also needed to be 100% sure that this was the direction you two were taking to- to actually do something about it.”

When Buck looks up, Eddie smiles softly at him and runs his right hand through his hair, letting it on the back of his head afterwards, making sure he has his undivided attention before saying these next few words.

“Then maybe you should tell him he’s it for me.” He says, and then adds: “I’m all in, Buck.”

“I love you.” Buck blurts out but he doesn’t stop there. “And I love Christopher. So damn much.” He adds. “So damn much.” He repeats. That makes Eddie smile. “But- Eds, you- I’m a lot of hard-work and I- I’m so messed-up man you have no idea how messed-up I am.” Buck marks a pause, and adds. “I mean, who am I kidding, of course- of course you do because you’re you and you’re putting up with my shit all the damn time and I’m just-”

Eddie cuts him off by pressing their lips together.

His thumb rubs his cheek while the rest of his fingers play with the roots of his hair. Buck’s palm is pressed on his chest and the next second, Eddie can feel Buck’s fist hold his shirt tightly, creasing it.

“There’s nothing to put up with.” Eddie says against his lips, cupping his cheeks with his hands to make him look up. “Alright?” He adds.

“Alright.” Buck’s voice is still fragile.

“Good.” Eddie says. “Glad we got that cleared up.” He adds casually and Buck scoffs. “Next time though, maybe be a bit quicker on the uptake?”

“Oh fuck off.” Buck says, nudging him playfully. He stays silent for a while before adding: “Can we go back ho-” He closes his eyes and shakes his head, correcting himself. “Can I hang out at your place tonight?”

Eddie sighs and intertwines their fingers together.

“Course you can.” He only says. “This is your home too, Evan.”

[pomegranates-and-blood]

νοσταλγία (Chapter 8)

νοσταλγία  Masterlist

Pairing: Ivar/Reader (eventual)

Summary:  This is a retelling/romantization of the Greek myth of Persephone’s  abduction with Ivar as Hades and you as Persephone. The Reader character  is a Byzantine woman, follower of the Greek Pantheon/Religion, and a  devoted follower of Persephone. This takes place after 5A, but the  universe of this is a little changed in relation with the series, of  course. Thank you for giving it a chance, hope you enjoy!

Word Count: 4.5k

Warnings: The usual

A/N: Ohohohohoh I like this chapter. I hope you guys do too! Thank you for giving this a chance!

Btw, I don’t know if I should do this or not, but I mention a lot of Greek deities and figures, so maybe I’ll add a lil page to the masterlist with all the references (also flowers and stuff, certain smells are supposed to reference a Greek or Norse God/Goddess, so yea I’ll probably do that if you guys are interested), but for now, aside from the usual mentions of Persephone/Hades and Freyja, Galla brings up Peitho, Greek deity of persuasion (both sexual and political) and seduction, and there’s evidence about her being a symbol for prostitutes (’servants of Peithos’, according to Pintar).

Taglist: @youbloodymadgenius @heavenly1927​

Warriors dressed the same way the ones functioning as the King’s personal guard lead you gruffly but respectfully through the waves of people and the tides of fires and strange houses.

You catch sight of where they are leading you, and consider that drowning in that sea of foreign people and hostile glares was not as bad as having to face your captor again.

But, you ponder, getting used to not having a choice anymore should be something you should be doing, so you straighten your back and continue walking as the warriors lead you to Ivar the Boneless.

His pale eyes find yours, but you deviate your gaze away from his, and bite down on your tongue to keep silent.

He dismisses the guards with a gesture, and motions for you to follow him past the almost empty throne room, into his quarters.

You walk inside and try not flinching at the sound of the door closing behind you. The place is well lit, and not as cold as the biting winds of the outside, but it is still unfamiliar and foreign.

Worry and dread churn at your stomach, but you still your heart and try to keep your hands from trembling. You tell yourself that if he wanted to force himself upon you, he would have done so a long time before, and it helps lessen the panic bubbling in your blood.

“I have been thinking of what I will tell people about you,” He starts simply, as if this is just another conversation you shared on that city that smelled of despair. You stay frozen in your place, watching him with wide eyes as he limps towards a low table and sits on a chair by it. The King motions for a chair by his side, but you cannot move. “Relax and have dinner, woman.”

“I thought…your people dine in the great hall.”

“Not tonight.”

You move limbs of lead to sit on that chair, feeling so alike one of those Christians thrown into the coliseum to prove themselves against a lion that your heart feels like it may either beat out of your chest or suddenly stop.

“It’s just a man and a woman sharing a meal, nothing more.” The Viking presses, gesturing to the plate in front of you again. He is being so strange, and it has nothing to do with him being Viking.

“A Greek Priestess and a Viking King,” You clarify, no little bite in your tone, to then add in a sardonic jest, “Why would I dare think this is nothing but ordinary?”

It is the first time in days that you have allowed yourself to forget keeping your mouth shut with a muzzle as strong as the chains that held onto your wrists; and you dare think the Viking notices, offering a faint softening of his features in return.

“What would make this ordinary for you?”

“Stone walls, the warmth of the sun, speaking in my own tongue.” You list out before picking a piece of cheese carefully and putting it in your mouth.

“Teach me your language then,” The King orders, leaning forward on his table. At your startled and surprised expression, he shrugs his shoulders and his mouth curves downward in a gesture of indifference before he offers, “Stone is expensive, and I do not yet command the sun. We will speak in your tongue then.”

“What reasons do you have to make me feel at ease?” You ask before you can stop yourself, eyes narrowed. “If you wanted me to feel anything but hate you wouldn’t have chained me and dragged me all the way to your kingdom.”

“I don’t care about you feeling anything, Priestess,” He dismisses easily, but the clench in his jaw gives away the lie. Not in the mood to die for calling it out, you just lift an eyebrow, and he explains, “You are a useful woman to have around.”

The scoff that leaves your lips couldn’t have been stopped if they had been sown together by the Gods themselves, and you turn spiteful eyes to the King.

“I am of no use to you.”

“We will see.”

With an anger you hadn’t felt since you stood before Constantinople’s Patriarch and told him what he could do with his cross, you explain, “You asked me why I didn’t tell you that I’m Anassa of the Attics, and I don’t know why I didn’t, considering I was enough of a fool to believe I could confide in you; but I do know I thank the Gods every day that you didn’t know before Stithulf gave me up,” You shake your head at your own stupidity, but refuse to lie and pretend you weren’t foolish enough to delude yourself into thinking he didn’t see the foreign witch he could pride himself in conquering when he saw you. That’s why it hurts the way it does, and if you deny the source of the hurt, if you deny the hurt, you lose your anger. With your nose curled in disgust, you offer, “You will never have the satisfaction of holding a Greek Anassa in chains, Varangian. The opportunity to use my title against me is long past, and now all you have is a Mediterranean slave, nothing more.”

“You are not a slave,” You open your mouth to retort, but he is quicker. He seems to be catching up to your ways, it seems, “You don’t have chains anymore, do you?”

“A prisoner, then. Truly an honor, King Ivar.”

“Don’t disrespect me, Priestess. I am not known for my patience.”

“And I am not known for taking kindly to being captured.”

Your gaze meets his and you refuse to lower your eyes, to accept defeat. You press your lips into a line while his nose furrows, but eventually Ivar leans back on his seat with an angry huff.

“You are insufferable. I should have your tongue cut off.”

“I can gesture.” You offer stubbornly, the beginning of a smile on your lips that you furrow to keep hidden. The King answers with a small curve of his lips, pink tongue tracing his lower lip as he regards you with a strange kind of exasperation.

After a few moments of silence, he offers,

“I promised you freedom and I do not break promises. You are a free woman, but I have to keep you here.”

“Why?”

“I have my reasons.”

“What difference is there between now and when you had iron chains to my wrists then?”

“Because you now know I didn’t bring you here with the intention to make you a slave.” He confesses around gritted teeth, as if offended you thought he did, even when he brought you to him in chains and paraded you like an exotic delicacy for his entertainment.

“What, then? A whore? A healer?” You press, because you will probably surprise the Gods themselves the day you learn to shut your mouth.

You are reaching for a goblet to drink from when the King answers,

“A wife.”

You knock off the goblet, it brings down a plate with it, but even as mead pours down the table you stay frozen in your place, slowly turning your face to the King that merely stretches a hand with a roll of his eyes and straightens the mess you made.

Your mouth opens quite a few times, and while your brain panics for not saying anything, you keep opening and closing your mouth.

“What are you talking about?” You settle on, finally.

“I want to make you my wife.”

A nervous laugh that sounds insane even to your own ears leaves your lips, “You are joking,” But the King shakes his head with nonchalance, and your eyes widen, “Why? Why do you-…why?”

“I have been King for quite a while, and my people will soon start demanding I get myself a Queen.” He offers flippantly, as if that problem warrants the solution he is proposing.

“Get one.” You bite out, a frown marring your face.

“I did.” He replies without hesitation, expression dripping mirth.

You cannot help the bare of your teeth, and your hands tighten to fists.

“No.” Is all you say, but it carries all your will and strength.

Ivar’s laugh is mocking and you watch with growing anger as he shakes his head dismissively, “I am not asking.”

You never do, you bite down the words, and stare at him in silence for a few moments, trying to think of…of anything.

“You will get nothing out of this,” You hiss at him, leaning closer even when you should be running away. Your eyes search his, trying to…to have him see reason, even if that reason means you get new chains. You can break iron, but you can’t break a bond. “My kingdom is ashes, my army is dead, my ‘noble blood’ is not recognized by the Byzantines any longer.”

But Ivar dismisses that too, barely a gesture of his hand. With every passing moment, you feel the invisible chains tightening on your wrists, you feel your hope dying.

“I have a kingdom, and an army. And I have no interest in noble blood.” He explains, certain.

“Then why?” You insist, your voice sounding so alike a plea your pride hurts.

He remains silent, considering you for a few moments. You return his gaze, and even if you are startled and more than a little terrified, you think he finds whatever he was looking for in your eyes, for he moves his head from side to side, squares his shoulders, and takes his eyes from yours and to the table before him, with the clear tells of someone about to confess something.

“All my life, Priestess, I have been in pain. I was born…cursed,” You frown slightly “A cripple, I can’t even walk properly. And everything has been a…struggle. With myself, with others.

You swallow past a dry throat and for once stay silent, looking into his eyes trying to understand what this has to do with making you a prisoner, a…a wife.

“So I have always been so angry, jealous of everyone around me, filled of hate,” A twitch in his expression, nothing more, and he continues explaining. In the back of your mind you wonder if he is searching for pity or compassion. You wonder if he can discern the two. Ivar’s mouth curves into a smile as cold as the first of winters, as bitter and resentful as you have ever seen in a smile, “Nothing has come easy in my life, and since I was a child I would always ask the Gods why.”

Your own words echoing in your head as you look up into eyes like Greek Fire, “Your Gods have heard you beg to know the reason behind your pain, Ivar.”

Your gaze jumps between his eyes, and you remain quiet for a few moments, trying to understand his meaning and discern the words he expects to come out of your lips now.

After a few breaths of silence, with your voice as quiet as the sleeping world around you, you whisper,

“I don’t have an answer, Ivar.”

But an answer wasn’t what he expected from you, apparently, for the Viking shakes his head with a small smile so reminiscent of the almost bashful look he had before, when he was just a Viking and you just a Priestess, that it hurts some foolish part of your heart.

“No,” He argues, more softly than you would have ever thought a man like him to be capable of, and he leans forward, as close as he can get to you from where he sits. Looking into your eyes for a few moments, Ivar then says, “You are the answer.”

You raise your eyebrows, and feel again the tension take over your frame. But you remain still on your place, keeping guarded eyes on the King as he explains,

“I was once told that the Gods mark us for pain, that some of us are…chosen to suffer, to be pushed to the ground, over and over again,” His head moves with his words, his eyes deviating to the side before he presses his lips together and meets your gaze again, “To test if we endure. And I did, I still do. I conquer, I make them proud, I give Odin and Freyja warriors to take to their halls and wars to rejoice in,” He sounds proud of himself, and the part of you that would cling to the tales of the triumphs of Ragnar and his sons thinks that he has every right to be. You catch yourself softening your stance without you meaning to when you find his Greek Fire-like eyes jumping between yours, always searching, always demanding. Ivar continues, “And I understand now, that when we fulfill what the Gods ask of us, when we…endure, we are rewarded,” A small smile curves at his lips, beautiful even if manic. His eyes don’t stray from yours as he whispers, “The Gods have sent you to me as a gift.”

The breath leaves your lungs in a gasp that almost sounds like a dying breath, the weight of reality and his words settling over your chest like a stone.

And as dread starts finding a home in the cold of your bones, all you can muster is a horrified whisper,

“What?”

He watches you with the wide eyes of a frenzied predator, and as he leans closer to you your body leans away. He still doesn’t falter, “You heard me.”

“I hope I heard wrong,” You mutter, blinking quickly as you try getting your thoughts in order. After a few moments of silence, you lift your gaze to his again, and offer, “I don’t follow your Gods.”

He shakes his head, resolute, “That doesn’t matter. You were sent to me by Freyja.”

You cannot help the laugh, manic and broken, that leaves your lips. “You are crazy.”

“I am not crazy,” He states, the edge in his tone making you straighten in your seat. His eyes narrow, “We were both lead here. Why it had to be so I don’t know, but it was fated.”

“What kind of Gods would fate this!? What kind of Gods would make all that happened happen just for us to meet!?” Mother, father, Galla, Narses, everyone you lost; you cannot accept their deaths, their suffering, were just a piece in a bigger scheme involving a Varangian of all things. Your voice quietens with questions that speak of more than just Ivar’s delusions, “What kind of Gods would curse us so?”

“You are not being cursed.” He spits out, his temper rising and his voice to meet it.

“The Gods, nor yours or mine, would fate that I become your wife!” You insist, after a breath insisting, “They would fate it that I loved you if they wanted to reward you. Why would they gift you an unwilling wife?”

“It was Fate that you and I met,” He explains after a moment, “It is Fate that you remain at my side, however I choose to have you.”

His nose furrows in the beginning of a snarl, and his mouth forms around the syllables of your name. Even with all the rage in his tone and his posture, the way he says your name never ceases to carry some sort of strange familiarity in it, like nostalgia and hope intertwined.

The realization that making you his wife is not his priority, but keeping you at his side; it makes a part of you want to whisper, trust me and I’ll stay with you.

But it would be a lie, it would be a false promise. And you cannot bring yourself to taste lies on your lips again. Whether it is for the still burning pain of what you did to Narses, or something else, something particular to Ivar and the uncertain smiles, the flutter in your heart when you were just a Priestess and eh was just a Viking; you are afraid to say.

And you will not lie, not to him. Not about this.

Your breath quickens, and you put a desperate hand on his forearm where it rests on the table. His pale eyes jump to your hand before quickly returning to your eyes.

“Listen to me, I was in your way because…because…”

“You don’t have an answer, do you?” He hisses when your words die.

“Of course I do!” You snap back, resting your elbows on the table and running frantic hands over your hair as you try evening your breaths. This can’t…you can escape an ambitious man, a bloodthirsty man, a powerful man. But a man that believes his own delusions you cannot…you cannot get away from. Taking a deep breath, you find his eyes again, not caring how much this sounds like pleading, “You cannot do this, you cannot expect me to…don’t put chains on me.”

“I am not chaining you!” Ivar snarls, a hand grabbing at the back of your head tightly, forcing you to look at him. His eyes are enraged and more than a little desperate, and the breath leaves your lungs as you realize there’s no way to bring him out of this delusion. “You were sent by the Gods to me, Priestess. And you will be by my side, I’m not letting you go.”

But you are shaking your head before he is even done speaking, and you want to scream to the top of your lungs that this is wrong, that this is madness. And yet, the rage dies in your throat and all you are left is fear.

Fear, and the desperation not to be chained with shackles that you cannot break.

“I am not a…a gift, I am a person,” You insist, “I have nothing to do with your Gods, nor they with me.”

“You are touched by the Gods, you are favored by Freyja.” He reminds you, not a moment of hesitation in his words, making the weight of defeat grow heavier and heavier.

“But I am a person, I am…my own person, I have a story, I-I have wants and hopes.” You whisper, frantic hand reaching up and grabbing on tightly to his wrist as you search his eyes.

He considers you in silence, his hand relinquishing the tight hold on your loose hair and for a moment you could fool yourself in to believing the Viking plays with the strands at the back of your head.

“A story that led you to me,” He promises, nodding faintly. If it is to convince you or himself, you are almost afraid to know. His eyes burn like Greek Fire as they gaze upon yours, and he vows quietly, “And all you may want I will give you.”

You press your mouth into a line to keep words and tears at bay, and breathe out, “But not my freedom.”

The flare of rage is back in his gaze, and the growl is back in his tone when he states, “I am not imprisoning you.”

Your gaze falls from his, and all the breath in your lungs leaves your body in defeat, as if baring your chest of air can somehow change any of this.

Blind eyes search the nothingness in front of you, like you can find an answer in this foreign land of cold and death, like anything in this Viking’s room or home can give you solace.

But there’s no escaping, this time. This time, Narses will not be here to save you from the flames; this time, your mother will not be there to protect you.

This time, you are alone. Alone and defeated.

Tears fill your eyes but you refuse to let them fall, you refuse to let him win.

“I don’t have a choice, do I?” You whisper finally, looking at the mess of mead and scattered pieces of food in the table from your clumsiness, and wondering faintly of who is going to clean this up.

The thought that answers ‘his wife’ makes a hysterical laugh bubble in your chest, but you swallow it down.

“We don’t get to choose our fate, Priestess.” Is all the Viking gives as answer.

You nod faintly and almost manically to yourself, taking a few deep breaths and telling yourself this is…it could have been worse. You don’t know particularly how, but it could be worse.

You remember your time back in Attica, and the poison that place made grow on you is not easily dissolved by distance and nostalgia.

Lower your eyes when men speak.

They went to you for council, they asked your blessing for their marriages, their funerals, their wars. But no, how could you look them in the eye, how could you speak up when they were in the room.

Noble blood is but a vessel for the alliances of men.

They put titles on your head, they bowed their greetings, they showered your door with marriage proposals. And yet, not yet twenty years ago the same families had sent your father condolences when they heard the child his barren wife had birthed him was a daughter and not a son.

Be a wife, a mother, a home. Not a leader, a traveler, a war.

Not a thousand years would make you forget how they muttered to themselves when you proved you could read and write, how they looked in disgust when they heard you would go out to hunt, how they gritted their teeth when you spoke out about how to fight the Saracen raiders, the Slavs and the Arabs.

You are not deluded enough to believe you will be seen for much more than what’s under your skirts here either, but at least here you can fight back without the disapproving glances. You may lose every battle, especially against their King, but here they will not shame you for fighting.

So, you grit your teeth and calm yourself with the truth that defeat has not yet settled in your heart, as you thought it would, once the reality of your powerlessness dawned on you.

At your silence, the King hesitates, like he doesn’t know what to do with your compliance, like once the resistance is gone he loses what he had been chasing.

After a breath and shuffling in his seat, he starts quietly, “You crossed so many seas, survived so many things, Priestess. Don’t you ever wonder why?”

“Because I’m stubborn, not because I’m…I’m made for you.”

This makes him laugh, setting you even more on edge as you realize it is not a mocking or cruel laugh, but a strangely fond one.

Gods, this is…this has to be a strange nightmare.

“Yes, you are stubborn, and insufferable,” He frowns as he speaks, but behind his fingers that now lay by his mouth, you catch sight of a smile, “But you are true, you don’t lie, even when for the sake of your own life you should.”

The laugh that leaves your lips is bitter, but you cannot help it, “Oh, I have lied before, my King.”

Narses cups your cheek in one big and warm hand, and you have to remind yourself to lean into the touch.

“I love you.” He whispers, lips curving into a smile you struggle to return.

“I love you, too.” You lie, closing your eyes at his kiss and refusing to open them until the sound of the tent entrance flipping closed signals he left.

“But you don’t, do you?” Galla asks from her place sitting on one of the tables, but you do not turn to face her, so she continues, almost impressed, “Peitho keep you, my friend, you promised your love in exchange for an army.”

“I…didn’t think I would survive long enough for the lie to start hurting.” You confess after a breath, holding yourself up with a hand on the back of a chair, and for once in days the need for balance is not born out of the burns over your body.

“Well, none of us do.”

But Ivar’s response is just as quick, just as certain, “But not to me.”

“How are you so certain?”

“If you had wanted to lie you would have spun some…” He considers his words, his head moving slightly from side to side as he thinks, “…promises or tales about me being special, a chosen one. But you didn’t, you didn’t-…you saw me as a man first, treated me like you would any other.”

You narrow your eyes when they meet his, and you understand what he means. Your gaze lowers to his legs, encased in heavy iron that still makes you think of pain before anything else, and you think, not for the first time, of what life must have been for him.

“If you do this, I will only see a captor when I look at you,” You warn in trembling syllables, lowering your gaze to your hands. “If you want a slave to be your Gods’ gift, you have your pick, my King.”

The unheard question of why you, why all this, why; does not go unnoticed, judging by the moment of hesitation before the Viking speaks again, but it goes unanswered regardless.

“You will not be a slave, I am making you the most powerful woman in these lands, I…you will be Queen of Kattegat.”

Fickle memories of a conversation past, “I could never look upon you with anything other than hate, as long as you are the one with all the power and I’m relegated to following your commands, Ivar.”

Still, you ignore the implications, you ignore the traitorous thought that he listened and complied, you ignore the foolish hope that there’s freedom in this madness, and you reply, “I don’t want to be.”

“You’d rather just be my wife?” He chuckles, “Don’t lie to me, Priestess. You were made to rule, to command. Don’t pretend otherwise with me.”

You grit your teeth, but don’t refute what he says. If he is to force the title of wife upon you, the title of Queen won’t be as heavy.

He nods to himself, a strange calmness, a jarring relief, guiding his movements as he stands up leaning on the crutch and signals a goodbye as he marches for the door to his quarters. You shouldn’t feel cold when you are left alone at the table, but you do.

You call his name before he can leave you behind, and stand up on shaky legs as you face the man that has condemned you to a fate worse than death.

“I want to talk with…with the women.” You state with as much confidence as you can muster while the world caves under your feet and the darkness of bindings threatens your every breath.

“What women?”

“The…the Völur. I saw them, I saw h-her.”

The Viking frowns, “She will not help you escape,” He warns, “She’s a woman of the Gods, it is not in her power to bend fate.”

Fate. The thought scratches at the edges of your mind, the idea that the Gods somehow interfered so that you and Ivar would meet dreadful and intriguing all at once.

Still, in all his madness he is right. Whether the Gods interfered or not, the same way it was fate you survived Eleusis it is fate you are now at this King’s mercy. Fighting against fate leads you only away from the Gods and towards misery.

A scattered thought tells you misery is already here, but you snuff it out. You know this could be worse, you know this is mercy even if King Ivar has none.

So, you offer, “You know what your people think of me. She will be the only one not to fear or dread me,” You offer honestly, blinking quickly and forcing yourself to find his eyes, “It’s…the closest thing to normal that I have right now,” And it hurts your pride, your throat, your blood; but you force the word past your lips, “Please.”

“Fine,” He concedes after not much thought. When he looks at you, considering you for a few moments as he seems to make another choice, his eyes are unwavering and certain as they force you to hold his gaze, “But you will go tomorrow, tonight we’ll…eat together, and talk.”

You nod again, even if he has proven he doesn’t need your approval or consent for anything he does.

_____

Regarding how he acts before he drops the wife bomb on her, I just want to point out that if it feels like Ivar is being weird as fuck, it is because Ivar is being weird as fuck. Like, I intended him to. One of the things that I find so endearing and also infuriating of his character is how little he knows how to socialize, like truly socialize. The ‘Are you married?’ before knowing her name guy is in there, and I have the time of my life writing my poor Priestess into these situations she feels she is losing her mind being a part of.

Anyhow, hope you liked this chapter, and the story so far! Please let me know what you think, I would love to hear from you! :)

[tigerdrop]

hey i just wanna say the long posts genuinely make my day. also can you talk more about gordon freeman character because the way you write him makes me quake in my gay little boots

i would love to talk about gordon freeman. thank u for the opportunity

the first thing i need to communicate about gordon is that this dude sucks. and i say this in the fondest way possible. he is a bitch from the moment he drops into the world until the moment he goes out. if you dont believe me, give it another watch! gordons mouthy and rude for no real reason, at least so far as “being a regular dude on his way into work” goes, and this dude goes around calling his coworkers names with zero provocation. (of course, we all know that the reason is because its a funny guy improv stream that borrows a bit from freemans mind, but im talkin from a character sense.)

but my argument isnt just that gordon freeman sucks. its that he sucks in a very specific way that i find insanely endearing. i love this dude. i love to hate him. hes awful in a very mundane sense - weve all known a guy like this, at least if youve spent too much time online - and its cathartic to watch him suffer because of it.

gordons a smart guy. as written, hes gotta be - hes a recent MIT grad, on his way to work at a top-secret research facility to do weird shit with crystals and theoretical physics. but the thing about smart guys is that theyre often......selectively intelligent. we can see this in the way that he has a hard time navigating his surroundings, and needs the science crew to guide him through it and keep him alive.

this is one of those things that is a natural consequence of somebody going through the game for the first time, but that i am interpreting as “gordon is kind of stupid sometimes”. its uncharitable but its not like he doesnt deserve it. he likes to boss around the crew as if he knows what hes doing, when he often very much does not, and is fond of demeaning their intelligence. hes real bad about this with tommy in particular, treating him like hes a kid whos playing at being a scientist when tommy is actually a decade older than him. all i am saying is that gordon ought to stay humble. hes awful cocky when he perceives himself as better than others.

which, i think, tracks with how cocky he gets when he gives up on the whole “well-meaning citizen” thing and just unloads bullets into people. he puts up a front of being a Nice Guy, you know, just some dude caught in a bad situation who doesnt like seeing his companions obliterate every NPC they come across, but that doesnt stop him from cackling like a fucking madman and mowing down aliens (and soldiers) every once in awhile. when he stops seeing himself as helpless and starts seeing himself as the one in control, the gloves come off. he gets mean. and i think thats very sexy of him

this, among other things, is why i am insistent that gordon freeman is a control freak. he desperately wants to be in control of the situation at all times, shepherding around the science crew primarily by bitching at them, but its of limited success. its futile. sisyphean. tommy, coomer, bubby, and benrey exist almost to torment him with exactly the thing that would make him suffer the most: a gaggle of people running around causing problems for him, but he cant go anywhere without them b/c hes reliant on them to make it out alive.

its perpetual suffering, and its cathartic to watch. and funny, too. and if youre a little weirdo like me, its very, very enjoyable. how twisted up he gets when nobodys listening to him! how sweaty and frazzled he must look. its cute, and it also makes me want to reach through the screen and shake him and tell him to just be a little nicer. he wants control but he doesnt know how to attain it, he doesnt know how to play nice like a real leader. i think its a neat contrast to gordon freeman as we know him in HL2, where he literally is the leader of the resistance and has to live up to it. this is gordon freeman but if he was moe through helplessness.

“helpless” is, i think, a great way to describe him. a core bit of imagery in half life is this sense of railroadedness and helplessness, with gordon freeman being put into play like a chess piece and having no choice but to move forward. and this iteration of gordon leans into that by being totally dependent on the science crew in order to make progress and Not Die. and hes also subject to the whims of benrey, local eldritch weirdo who has basically made it his life mission to fuck with gordon.

gordons anxieties dont help with that. if he wasnt so fun to stress out and fuck with, the science crew probably wouldnt do it so much! too bad for him that they like fucking with him so much that he was driven into a panic attack (multiple times, even, depending on your interpretation). hes got that real neurotic mindset. always worrying about shit that could go wrong, and attempting to exert control over his surroundings in an effort to control the anxiety.

IMO the real way to nail the Neurotic Gordon Freeman Experience is to combine the ever-present anxiety with his pervasive sense of self-loathing. he openly states that he has no friends and nobody seems to like him, and to that, i really gotta say, i wonder why. he doesnt really seem to factor in that hes kind of a bitch, and has way too high an estimation of his own intelligence relative to everybody elses. its really one of the worst ways to be: aware that people dont like you, but unaware of exactly why. if he was like, 10% nicer, he probably wouldnt have had half as many issues getting through black mesa, but also, its funny to see him squawking his way through the game. so, you know.

its stuff like that that makes me headcanon him as a dude with low self-esteem in general. convinced that hes not likable, not attractive, out of his element......impostor syndrome, except that theres some truth to it. this is a guy who truly does not realize how good he has it: he really is just an average shitty dude, and yet, somehow, benrey took a shine to him. some poor motherfucker out there actually likes him and wants to suck his dick. thats dedication

also, i keep bringing up “repression” when i talk about gordon. and hopefully, what ive been talking about helps explain why. he has a strong desire to be a regular dude, not just murdering his way through black mesa, but if hes pushed hard enough he leans into it. gets bossy. picks up a cigar off a dead soldier and takes a long drag, before smacking forzen around with a pistol and ordering him around. gordon freeman is a regular, kind of anxious guy who likes competitive swimming and streaming on justin.tv and making anime references, and he is also a guy who takes a filthy pleasure in making a trained soldier his bitch. and i didnt make up any of this shit - this is purestrain canon, baby. this is a guy with problems

to me, this screams the kind of guy who represses a lot of shit b/c he doesnt feel like its morally decent. you run into this guy a lot online: the wokeboy, the online leftist, the guy who spends too much time on social media websites. (like reddit. i think he would actively use reddit and he would never get any appreciable amount of karma but he never stops posting. its sisyphean! cathartic.) from the way he talks about “bootboys”, i think it tracks. he knows about imperialism, he knows about feminism, but at the end of the day hes your average american white dude who struggles with internalizing it.

a lot of those dudes struggle with sex and gender issues. (dont we all.) when youre trying to be a Good Person(tm), you spend a lot of time thinking about your own relationship to sex and kink and all that shit. and i maintain that a too-online dude who buries a lot of his control freak tendencies would also try to bury a lot of weird sexual shit in an attempt to seem Normal and Well-Adjusted and not like a little freak. i justify this by the sheer number of times gordon blurts out weird sex shit as a joke. there are only two outcomes to making that many piss jokes: either youre secretly a piss guy, or you lathe-of-heaven yourself into becoming one. i will stand by this

ive talked a lot about why this dude sucks. now, let me talk to you about what makes gordon so much fun to write. first things first: hes funny! a subjective evaluation, yeah, but both in- and out-of-character, hes aiming to be funny. and being the straight man to everybody else plays into that whole “helplessness” thing.

secondly: underneath it all, there is a good dude under there. gordon worries when his companions get hurt, he tries to clean them off and patch them up, and hes got his lil leftist heart in the right place. you could even read a lot of his bossy, bitchy demeanor as him wanting to make sure everyone gets out okay and doesnt hurt themselves. when it comes to animals and anti-imperialist sentiment, gordons a pretty good guy.

hes the kind of guy who would probably see a dog on the street and get excited and play with it, but would get really prickly about the correct way to put dishes in the dishwasher. control freak tendencies.

finally, subjecting such a miserable, tormented guy to even more psychological anguish is really, really fun. you feel a little bad for him, but he kind of deserves it. so many problems he goes through are purely of his own making, and if gordon would just relax and quit trying to hard to maintain control - of himself, of the people around him - and own up to having Problems and Issues, he would be a happier guy. but thats why its fun to bend him until he breaks. being a little control freak myself, putting gordon freeman thru psychosexual torment is cathartic.

when it comes to writing his thought processes, the fact that he is canonically some kind of psychotic (yes, i am boldly claiming this. suck me) and i am also canonically some kind of psychotic makes it easier to write what i think his thought processes are. i just give him my brain issues of “getting lost in thought” and “overthinking fucking everything”. a touch of paranoia helps. even if i dont explicitly label him as schizophrenic please know that i am writing him as a paranoid little nutcase at all times because, uh, you write what you know.

paranoid. anxious. of the mindset that everyones out to get him (which isnt helpful when everyone is out to get him). repressed and deeply Not Normal but trying so very fucking hard to be normal and well-adjusted. a control freak with sadistic tendencies who also really, really likes getting bullied by his best frenemy. a hapless little nerd who sounds really cute when his voice starts to break from nerves. and, most importantly, a dumb jock. do not ever forget this.

thats gordon freeman, babey. hope that helps

[magicflowershop]

one day kitty; Atsumu version

《inspired by movie A Whisker Away》

✿✿ you wished to be with the person you like and wish granted. whiskers, button nose, tail, four legs and ears on top of the head; you turned into a cat. with this, you are given the opportunity to be with the person you want to express your affections to. but as a cat. and only in one day.

― haikyuu characters x cat!reader imagines!

❀ masterlist ❀

the wheel of names have spoken.

you know you hated your housecat the second you laid eyes on it when your mum took it home one day from the shelter, saying it was an abandoned cat

abandoned cat your ass 

that cat stole your body and turned you into a cat

she stole your human identity 

like, girl, wha- the auDACITY for her to have you wake up on her stinky litterbox while she’s havin the time of her life talking to your parents as if you were in that body the entire time

and the audacity of her to go to school and attend your classes, talk to your friends while you’re over there lurking in the shadows, glaring lasers at her from a tree branch

and the absolute audacityyy of her to obviously ogle over a guy from your class when you weren’t even interested in him to begin with

THE NERVE OF IT TO BE ATSUMU MIYA OF ALL PEOPLE

REALLY

why 

why him when he has so many fans and the fact that he’s perpetually ANNOYED by his fans like c’mon????????????????????

IN YOU’RE BODY AT THAT

now you’re just extra helpless bc there’s nothing you can do, you have no idea when you’ll get back to your original body, or if you’re able to get back to your original body at all :O

you also dunno who she made a deal with to get to this point in your lives

all you know is that you had a bad dream that morning, and saw a strange cat sayin you had one day

like what the hell is that supposed to mean

“hey what’re ya doin there?”

o wouldya look at that, a wild Miya twins appeared

you didnt notice that you were taking your sweet time contemplating abt life on that tree that three periods have passed and its now lunch break

the twins happened to see you while they were hanging out outside

so you was just staring at them,,, you had no idea what to do while they were there,,,, but it seemed like they were thinkin of saving you even though you’re not in trouble :v

so you was just starin at them

and they were starin back at you

then they left

LMAO

you were gonna brush this lil interaction off until you arrived,,, i mean your body,,,, i mean your housecat in your body 

then you got incredibly annoyed cause she was doin so hard so hard to get their attention when she ady got it, and Atsumu was as annoyed as you are sksskkd Osamu didn’t care at all so moving on

and now you got even mroe annoyed cause she was ruining your image in front of your classmates like srsly

so you dipped and decided this is all a fever dream and everything will get better tomorrow with you back in your body and with a good reputation in school as if nothing horrible happened, yes? yes :)

“there ya are”

until Atsumu picked you up from the ground while you were stealthily making your great escape,, then he started acting like he was lookin for you outta nowhere

and Osamu was lookin at him like he was insane sjksd but he figured this is a plan of Atsumu’s so he decided to play along and told your housecat (that was the host of your body) to excuse them bc they had a cat to take care of and that its vvvv urgent 

now kitty you is officially adopted by the Miya twins <3

and you didn’t like it one bit HAHAJSJ

you figure this wasnt such a bad thing and you werent allergic to these boys nyway so you let things happen, and let Atsumu scratch the top of your head while they were discussing things about you

:O

they werent talking mad things abt u nonono, they were talkin abt how strange you were acting when you’re literally one of the chill students in school,,, it was as if you were under a spell and suddenly you were in love with them lmao

Osamu proceeds to add the suspicion with the fact that he saw “you” staring at Atsumu during class like someone so lovestruck 

both you and Atsumu got goosebumps couple of the year amirite

so Osamu told him that this could just be a one-time thing (like strange conclusion but go off) and/or that you might’ve just confused him as your first crush lmao Osamu was just confusing himself but he was tryin his best to come up with explanations to ur behavior

so classes begin again,,, now Atsumu still dunno what to do with u ogling at him WHILE THE REAL YOU WAS A CAT WATCHING EVERYTHING FROM A TREE 

you was def ready to throw hands,, but thats a cat and ur against animal cruelty,,,,,,, tho its ur body anyway so whats the diff

meanwhile u coming up with a plan to end your housecat, Atsumu found you sitting on a tree and he was so shocked for his life bc last time he check he put you in a box with kitty snax, inside the gyms storage room, how in the world did you manage to get out from there??

the fake you sees you again while Atsumu was lookin at you from the window, and was enraged bc you’re taking the attention from her... hm

so you decided to face your stupid housecat head-on and get to the bottom of this bs and be grownups tgt bc no way are you just gonna donate your human life to an ungrateful animal

you look for the fake you at the back of the school, and now the Giorno theme is playing in the background sksk

“give me my body back”

“o pls can’t you just give me a one day chance?“

the audacity

“you ady stole it from me and you say this now?”

your housecat was smug enuff to tell you that she had the honors of asking a favor from a spirit cat who was the reason of all this,,, and who has also taken a liking to your human soul

your housecat just sold your human soul to a spirit cat 

so you just flew in the air to scratch your human face, you didn’t care anymore, its your body, whatever, the one experiencing the pain aint u anyway but your bitchy housecat that your mum seemed to have a deeper connection with than her own child

nyway that didn’t last long cause fake you was screaming help, other students found you two, and they got a hold of you while you were in your feral state and now you were terrified of possibly getting into the animal shelter fr,,,, fake you smirked at this possibility

until sum of ur school’s vball bois saw the commotion too and what do u know, Atsumu says that the cat is his and that he apologizes to the ruckus that the cat has done 

then it was your turn to smirk at fake you

so u spend time with Atsumu again for some odd reason that keeps the two of you tgt sweat drops looks away,,, you wonder why your mum’s cat is so attached and/or attracted to Atsumu like this???

you never remember them interacting at all since the very time you see them in the same scene is when you went to have your mum’s cat checked up in the vet and Atsumu was there with their dog too

whats happening

fast forward to dismissal, you’re quite thankful you werent in trouble, same as Atsumu since he managed to tell the other students to not tell anything to the teacher that he has a cat in school kdjsk sum rotten power he holds

but you decided to ditch him again and look for fake you

you found her talking to the spirit cat that she said,, so naturally you demanded said spirit cat to give your body back to you

the spirit cat smiled wider and says that, you haven’t finished your task yet if you want to get back to your original body, you have to wait till midnight

like what in the hell was that supposed to mean, you understood nOTHING

then your housecat goes and says “maybe i should extend my stay in this body, what do you think?”

SIS YOU WENT FERAL there is no way she’s staying in your body while you are sufferin like this, in which you do not deserve. watching your housecat ruin your life like its normal like cmon

“then if you’re gonna stay in my damn body then do it properly! don’t make me look like im a flirt!”

“i was never flirting with anyone!” 

“wdym?! you were staring at my classmate the entire time!”

“what was i supposed to do when its what your body felt like doing?!?!?”

...

w hAt

“what’cha screamin at the cat for, y/n?”

ATSUMU JUST ENTERED THE SCENE AS IF HE WAS INVITED AND PICKED THE CAT UP TRYING TO PROTECT IT AS IF WHAT HE WAS DOING WAS SO HELPFUL

“i’m not y/n”

NOW YOUR HOUSECAT JUST ADDED MORE GAS IN THE FLAME

“i’m y/n’s pet cat, that cat is y/n we switched bodies bc y/n has been neglected by her parents ever since i was taken for adoption... y/n has a crush on you so i just reacted the way her body wanted to react around you so i’m sorry i made you uncomfortable”

you couldn’t take the embarrassment anymore and jumped from Tsumu’s hands and ran your way to your house as fast as you can

you thought abt how stupid that was and how stupid you looked in front of him,, like pointing at a cat saying that thats the real you like who in the heaven’s name would believe bs like that

you were beyond embarrassed that you just want to sink into the ground and just disappear from life rn and never see Atsumu again,,, anyone is fine but Atsumu pls for the love of god

“well ofc its a narrower place”

didn’t you say anyone but Atsumu is fine pls for the love of god

“get outta there, i got yer mask”

he placed a mask beside you, so you chomped on that mask and pulled it out of the bush with you,, you see him there crouching down to your smol height, watching you in concern

you try to take off your mask yourself but it isnt working, you try to push your head to make your actual mask stick to your head but it isn’t working. nothing is working so you started crying in meow

now tsumu is just confused there and asked if he can comfort you,,, you glared at him like he was stupid 

“yer still a girl yknow, i gotta ask for consent”

how sweet 🥺

he started talking abt how he and ur housecat tried to talk it out with the creepy cat to get ur normal life back bc apparently you never wished for a deal with him even tho u desperately hated ur life at home, all in all spirit cat is a big ass scam, while he was unknowingly scratching the top of your head again but moving on

also that your housecat wanted to apologize to you bc she didnt want to take your life away from u, and that she never meant to hurt your feelings while running his hand down to your back and forgetting that you aren’t a real cat but again moving on

“is, is it true tho?”

?

“ya like me?”

dumass rly asked that while ur a cat lol 

“it’s a meow for me”

smoke escaped your nostrils like a bull, the stupid spirit cat was playin games withcha since he ady got exposed for his scams >:O

“ya just spoke”

you left Atsumu there with the mask between your teeths, dragging yourself back home, expecting to probably go back to normal once you wake up,,, but you have your mask back now hm

“don’tcha want sum help?”

k ykno he’s annoying when he wants to be but he literally had no reason to be annoying know i mean pls

“sure i like u it doesn’t m-”

you’re back to normal

“matter”

but wearing what you wore when you went to bed last night, in pajamas with no footwear, on the cold asphalt ground, blushing like a fool out of even more embarrassment, cursing at the spirit cat sum more from the back of your mind

that cat had no right to play match-maker after all that, even if he knew that Atsumu will naturally bring you hope since its night and give you a piggy-back ride since you had no slip-ons, asking for consent as well mind you

no right at all

stay tuned for more!

[nbhd-daily]

LILY PATTERSON: Where the fuck is Chip Chrome? I noticed you deactivated your Instagram.

JESSE RUTHERFORD: [Laughs] I like that you turned the “who” to “where.”

PATTERSON: Obviously, there’s one glaring reference for an alien rock star alter ego—

RUTHERFORD: Wait, wait, wait, who though?

PATTERSON: … Ziggy Stardust?

RUTHERFORD: I’m just joking.

PATTERSON: [Laughs] Oh my god, I was like, “Did I say that clearly?” But yeah, you’re channeling an icon. Tell me about bringing Chip to life.

RUTHERFORD: I’ve had the idea for Chip for about two and a half years.

PATTERSON: So it’s been baking.

RUTHERFORD: Yeah, I had the name, the whole shit. Obviously, Bowie is a giant reference… Ugh, I hate that word. A giant inspiration. It’s funny; when I was a kid, people would tell me about him, but I wasn’t really interested. I was gravitating toward hip-hop or modern pop. First, I got really into interviews and just watched the man talk. Then the music. I’ve always been an in-between kind of fella. I’m not quite this, I’m not quite that. I’m not super masc, I’m not super feminine … I’m kind of a confused person, to be honest with you. Bowie has helped me route. Like, here you go, this is a blueprint, an architecture. Not to say I sound like him at all.

PATTERSON: You deployed @chipchrome on Instagram, a platform that’s created so much anxiety around being “real,” being consistent, endlessly delivering your personal brand. And now Chip’s off the grid.

RUTHERFORD: I’m trying to figure out myself in all of this. Maybe I’m expected to have already done that, but I haven’t. I feel like I turned into a “thing” on the Internet. When you work on a piece of music for a long time, you post it, and it gets X amount of likes, then you post a picture with your girlfriend and it gets X amount… It’s just a weird, challenging, confusing feeling. I feel like there’s an opportunity to get off the platform, or at least try it this way.

PATTERSON: How many months ago did you debut Chip? August?

RUTHERFORD: Yes. I killed @jesserutherford when I turned 27. Dead at 27.

PATTERSON: A not-so-subtle 27 Club reference.

RUTHERFORD: Exactly. It’s this ridiculous motif. Really, I want to have fun with this stuff, play with it. Like, yo, nobody paints themselves silver, throws on a Spandex suit and a grill. Then, of course, Kanye West comes along…

PATTERSON: [Laughs] Major Basel ‘fit.

RUTHERFORD: Bowie passed and everyone started to think about him again, riff on him. But no one was taking it to the full Ziggy extreme! There’s a Tekashi69 out there but no Ziggy Stardust? C’mon. It feels comfortable for me. I’m having fun.

PATTERSON: Can you describe the physical process to go full Chip? Side note: I saw a picture of that reflective Marine Serre balaclava you scored recently. Insane.

RUTHERFORD: The makeup itself isn’t too long of a process. I’ve always done it myself. Actually, I have a friend of mine who rips at makeup, Sydney, @sydn4sty on Instagram—

PATTERSON: Good friend plug.

RUTHERFORD: She’s bomb. Me and Dev [Devon Carlson, Rutherford’s partner] met her, she was our neighbor at an apartment we lived at a bit ago. She came over, fucked around and helped me with an eye design. For the most part, though, I’ve always done it on my own. We did a tour recently, and I’d usually start an hour before the show, giving myself time to get in the headspace. I could turn into Chip in 25 minutes. It doesn’t take that long.

PATTERSON: What about the suit?

RUTHERFORD: The silver suit is a stupid Spandex suit from the boulevard. I just ended up going into one of those places, figuring out a suit that worked there. Taking measurements and shit, getting the sizing right.

PATTERSON: Love that.

RUTHERFORD: I premiered Chip at a B-level, crusty, Hollywood, kind of spaghetti Western-y place. Which felt right. But as you can see—you referenced the top Dev got for me—there’s so much opportunity for Chip to grow visually. When we [The Neighbourhood] go on tour later this year, I want to develop this. But there’s also something about the campiness, this B-level visual, that I really like. It feels authentic to me.

PATTERSON: All in a time when people are hiring stylists for their hotel-lobby-to-car looks.

RUTHERFORD: [Laughs] Exactly.

PATTERSON: I feel like the DIY, the physical process of putting yourself together imbues a certain energy, a sort of leveling with your audience.

RUTHERFORD: Right. Thanks so much for noticing.

PATTERSON: Is Chip working its way into your solo act? Or do you think you’ll reserve it for The Neighbourhood?

RUTHERFORD: It was gonna be its own thing. I had no intention of bringing Chip into The Neighbourhood. It sounds corny, but the reason I wanted to do Chip for The Neighbourhood is—I don’t know if you’ve heard our song, “Middle of Somewhere.”

PATTERSON: I did. I watched the video.

RUTHERFORD: That song is a special one to me. I wanted to make sure that I could attach something to it that would make people stop, look, and have to listen. We were gonna do a textural video, like B-roll footage, Super 8, nature-y. I wake up in the morning, and I go to the house we’re recording at, in Coldwater Canyon. Before our director Alex got there I was sitting in the house, looking across the canyon over on this hill, and I actually had a vision of the chrome fuckin’ thing on top of the hill. So I showed up the next day in full Chip regalia, and everyone looked at me like, “Oh, no…”

PATTERSON: [Laughs] So that was the first introduction between Chip and The Neighbourhood, when you made it a part of the universe.

RUTHERFORD: It was, yeah. Actually, this producer duo called Take a Daytrip–they did that Sheck Wes song [“Mo Bamba”], “Panini” by Lil Nas X–they’re doing so well. I’ve known them for a long time. They’ve always sent me beat packs and I’ll just go through, pick ten at a time. I thought Chip was going to be leaning more toward my hip-hop shit.

PATTERSON: Yeah, if you’d gone through with Chip as an independent project, how would it sound?

RUTHERFORD: End of 2017, me and my engineer, Danny, were in the studio, going off on Chip. If you ask my friends, they heard about Chip so long ago, they’re like wow, you actually did it! Chip was going to be hip-hop.

PATTERSON: Daytrip almost feels more aligned with this glitchy, chromed-out look than The Neighbourhood. I’m thinking of the “Panini” video, Lil Nas X in the space suit.

RUTHERFORD: Hip-hop music has been my programming. It’s been my love. When I was a kid, hearing Eminem, G-Unit for the first time, I was like… Bro, that is it. I don’t know if you know where I’m from, Newbury Park—

PATTERSON: Ventura County, right?

RUTHERFORD: Yeah, yeah. I was kind of the odd one out, in my neighborhood, my area, obsessed with rap. I decided to stick with the guitar, and I fell in love with it, not having to use so many goddamn words. In fact, I don’t want Chip to talk, because Jesse talks enough. It’s all in the song, that’s where I’m gonna leave it. And “Middle of Somewhere” is a good jumping off point. That’s probably the purest sound you’re gonna hear; it’s just me and a guitar. I’ve been really into Dolly Parton lately—

PATTERSON: She’s having a revival moment with us younger gens!

RUTHERFORD: She’s a great reference for what I’m doing, because Dolly will tell you, “Yeah, I don’t give a fuck if you think I’m fake on the outside, because I am! That’s what I wanna look like. And that’s fine, because I know what’s coming out of me is more real than anything. So I don’t have to worry about that.”

PATTERSON: People are gonna assume they know what Chip’s about; i.e. my questions about the Ziggy comparisons or the visual continuity with Daytrip’s sound. But the far-out visual is paired back to a fairly stripped sound.

RUTHERFORD: Exactly. It’s not what people are expecting. Right now, Chip’s dedicated to The Neighbourhood. The project is gonna be called—there might be a change—but right now it’s called Chip Chrome and the Monotones. The boys, the way we all look together… They’re shadows, they’re silhouettes.

PATTERSON: They’ve got the reflective two-piece suits, right?

RUTHERFORD: For the most part, I’m the only one who has to say something to express what we collectively feel. So if I say something they’re not into, they tell me. I mean, there’s two thousand songs the world won’t hear because we all didn’t agree. It’s working, though. When I first showed up as Chip, everyone was like “what the fuck are you doing?” Now that we’ve worked on the context, everyone’s down.

PATTERSON: Final question, easily the lamest. Will Jesse/Chip find their way back to Instagram?

RUTHERFORD: I guess I’ll say I don’t know. I’m only a couple weeks off.

PATTERSON: How’s it feeling?

RUTHERFORD: I mean, you know… I’m going through it a bit.

PATTERSON: It’s a hell of a drug. You ingest it, but it can also completely consume you.

RUTHERFORD: Comparing myself to everything, everyone, everybody I love… You can’t look at humans like that. I don’t want to think about what everyone else is doing. I feel my creativity pumping back up again. I mean, I have the queen of social media sleeping in the bed next to me. And it’s the coolest thing ever, the way Devon does it? That’s the way you gotta do it. Not work for it, but make it work for you. And that’s cool, that’s her thing, it doesn’t have to be my thing. Luckily, if I do want to come back…

PATTERSON: It’s all gonna be there.

RUTHERFORD: The weirdest twist to it all—which I love, which is wonderful—is that I get off of it, and a week later I get an email that Lily from Interview fuckin’ Magazine… I mean, it’s Interview Magazine! If that isn’t a sign to pay attention, then I’m an asshole and I need to recalibrate my vision.

[rogueariadne]

To Have A Villain’s Quirk

SEVENTEEN: JEALOUS

Song: White Dress - Parachute

"After fifteen minutes to pick teammates and talk strategy, twelve cavalry teams are preparing to go head-to-head!" Mic's voice rang through the stadium as the timer went off, catching Kaida's attention as her team prepared, hoisting up Shinso to be their rider. In that time, Kaida still couldn't figure out what was going with with Ojiro and the student from 1-B, but as he commanded them, it clicked. He was using his quirk. But why wouldn't he use it on her? Maybe there was a limit? She didn't even know what kind of quirk it was but it was some type of mind control. "Come on, everyone get your hands in the air! It's time for an arena-thumping UA battle royale! Let me hear ya scream!"

As the teams gathered around the battle field, Kaida carefully gripped the boys leg, smirking. In the extra time they had left, it gave Kaida the chance to fuel back up, her power back to one hundred percent. Sure, she was still worn out from the previous round, but the amount of flesh she ingested put her back on top to be able to deal with her classmates. Bakugo and Midoriya would be the easiest ones to deal with, seeing as she has somewhat trained with both of them, and she at least knows the fighting styles of the rest of her class.

"Okay, all you first years! I hope you're happy with your chosen teams! Let's get this party started! One final countdown before the game starts!" As Mic started the countdown from three, she felt a small tap to her head, her looking up at Hitoshi.

"Defense." It was just one word but she knew what he wanted.

"Begin!" Quirk activated, four tails swirled around her team to protect them, two other tails watching their backs. Just like every other team, they were after Midoriya, picking up the pace until they took off into the air thanks to the support course's equipment. With every team distracted, Kaida took the opportunity to try to steal headbands along the way, using her extended arms to her advantage. Her team was mostly passing the others by, taking headbands when they could. They weren't too focused on getting to Midoriya now like some of the others were. It was only the halfway point, and their best bet was to really wait it out, with how many points they had at the moment. They should be okay. With the other teams getting frozen over, Shinso was happy to take some of their headbands away.

"Only one minute left! Todoroki has cornered the ten-million-point team and is poised to seize the ultimate prize! At least, that's what I would have predicted five minutes ago!" Todoroki cornered Midoriya's team? There's no way he'd be beaten in strategy by them.. Izuku's too smart for his own good sometimes. There's just no way.. "Unbelievably, Team Midoriya's been able to keep away from the ice master for the last half of the game!"

"Wo-ho-ho! What just happened?! That was one big blur!" Her team came to a stop, looking in the direction of the ice walls. "Holy smokes, folks! Why didn't he show that super speed in the preliminaries?" That had to be talking about Iida? She was dying to know what happened, as time was almost up. "Insanity! This entire game was just turned completely on its head! Todoroki's team has the ten million points, and Midoriya's team is suddenly left with nothing at all!"

"What..?" A couple of tails disappeared from shock, Shinso quickly tapping her head again.

"Focus."

"Ah, right." But she didn't need to.

"Time's up! And with that, the second round is officially over! Now, let's take a look at who our top four teams are!" She let the boy down, stepping aside as they all stared up at the leader board, fingers crossed. "In first place, Team Todoroki! In second place, Team Bakugo! In third place is Tetsute- Wait, what?" Some of the cameras were met with two very confused boys, and the smirks of Kaida and Hitoshi. "It's Team Shinso? When did they come back from the dead?"

"Thanks for all your help." The boy said, walking away from the group while Kaida crossed her arms, turning to look at Ojiro. He was staring, terrified, after the other.

"And in fourth place is Team Midoriya!" So, he did advance! She grinned up at the cameras, seeing the boy in question crying a fountain. "These four valiant teams will advance on to the final round! Now, let's take an hour lunch break before we start the afternoon festivities! See ya soon!"

"Uh, hey.. Hiyama..?"

"Hm?" She turned her gaze to her blond teammate, tilting her head in question. "Mashi, are you okay?"

"What.. happened?" It was almost as if he was scared.

"We, our team made it to the finals. Do you not remember?"

"I.." He glanced away from her, her following his eyes after Shinso. "I just remember him asking me to join.. then nothing." She looked between the two before looking down.

"Hm..."

*

"Hi-To-Shi~!" The boy in question heard footsteps pounding behind him, getting closer down the outside corridor. He shuffled to a stop as he turned, only to be greeted with the female he had teamed up with during the cavalry battle, her waving away and catching up with him. "Hey!"

"Ya know it's rude to use first names with people you don't know well?" She only tilted her head, coming to a stop just a few feet away from him.

"Really? But, I thought you called your friends by their first names?"

"I don't recall us being friends." She had a warped concept of friendship, seeing as she called most of her classmates by their first names, and they never once complained, so she figured that made them friends. And that Hitoshi didn't stop her when she gave him a nickname.

"Oh. Hm.." She glanced away for a moment, a small frown coming to her face. "Your quirk.. it's some kind of mind control, isn't it? That's how you got Ojiro and the boy from 1-B on your team."

"You put that together from very little evidence?" He had a brow raised in question, a small smirk trying to form. She just shrugged.

"It's a gift. Anyways.." She looked away, watching a few small rodents run up and down the trees. "How come you didn't use it on me? Wouldn't that have benefited you more?"

"Did you want me to?" She snapped her gaze back to him, shaking her head quickly and taking a step forward.

"No, that's not wh-!" What was happening? She couldn't move, or say anything.

"Because I didn't need to tell you what to do, you already knew. But now, go away." She felt her body, turning around to head back to where she came from.

'No, no, no! Stop! What are you doing?! I wasn't finished talking!' She tried to yell out but she didn't make a sound as she disappeared back into the building. Once around the corner, she felt his quirk stop working, her being able to move freely. She gasped and ran back to where they were talking, only for him to be gone. "Dammit!"

She wandered around the grounds, weaving through the crowds and looking at all of the booths and festivities they had set up. It was pretty amazing. She had never really gone to a festival, let alone a school festival. So, walking around, she distracted herself with the chatter and the laughter. It was so cheery, light hearted. Though it was a happy atmosphere, she couldn't shake the feeling that she was being followed. There were so many people, it had to be her imagination. Right?

"Excuse me!" Kaida jumped as a hand clamped around her arm, head swiveling around to meet wide golden eyes. "Hi! You're one of the first years that are moving onto the finals round, aren't you?"

"Ah.. yeah, I am!" She'll admit, Kaida was a little freaked out. A girl comes out of no where and won't get out of her personal space, almost fawning over her. She guessed that her expression was enough for the girl to let go, giggling a little.

"I'm sorry, am i making you uncomfortable? My bad~! I'm just a big fan! Your quirk is so cool! And you're really pretty, you remind me of someone. What was your name again?" The blonde bounced a little, tilting her head with a toothy smile.

"Oh, I'm Kaida. Hiyama-"

"Hiyama. Hiyama. Oh! Like Kaori Hiyama! That's who you look like!"

"That's my mom, you know my mom?" She was a little shocked, she had never heard anything from her mom about any kids she might've known. Kaori was mostly a stay at home mom, but normally went out every other day to do shopping or the like. Her side of the family was never really in town, and she never knew her dad's family.

"That's your mom?! I see her in town all the time! She's super nice and always gives me snacks if we run into each other!"

"Ha.. yeah, that kinda sounds like her." She scratched the back of her neck, slipping a hand into her pocket. The pretty girl in front of her grinned, nodding away as she clapped her hands.

"We should definitely hang out sometime, I think we could be really great friends!" She looked behind her before grabbing Kaida's hands in hers. "I gotta go but hopefully we'll see each other again! Bye-bye lil' sis!"

"Wait but I don't even know.. your.. name.." Kaida called out to the girl but she had already disappeared into the crowd. She sighed, playing with her hair as she turned to go back to the stadium. The lunch hour was almost up, and she didn't know what else to do. What could she do besides wait? She could always find Shinso, she wasn't done talking with him. Before she could do that though, she could here Present Mic's voice all the way from where she was, saying how it was almost time for the last round. Kaida sighed once again, quickly finding her way back to the stadium. Only to be met with an astonishing sight that made her cover the giggles erupting from her.

"Wh-what are you guys wearing?" The girls from 1-A turned and looked at her, completely embarrassed. Yaoyorozu whined, covering her face.

"It was the stupid pervert's little scheme.. we all fell for it.." Kaida gently patted the taller girl's shoulder, walking with them over to the tournament board to determine who they'd be fighting.

"Don't worry Momo, we'll get him back. I promise." That seemed to reassure the team of girls, most of them glaring at the little grape boy and his electric side kick. All of the first year students gathered in front of the platform where Midnight stood, watching as she picked up a box and walked to the front. Standing beside Momo and Mina, she heard some of her and Sero's conversation about the finals but mostly ignored everyone.

"Come closer and draw lots to see who you're up against. Then enjoy the pleasure of the recreational games before we start. The sixteen finalists have the option of participating in those activities or sitting out to prepare for battle. I'm sure you all want to conserve your stamina. I'll start with the first place team." She started to walk before Ojiro put his hand up and caught everyone's attention.

"Um. Excuse me. Sorry. But I'm withdrawing." Kaida gasped and she moved around everyone to rest her hand on his arm.

"Mashi.. What are you doing?"

"Ojiro, no way!"

"But this is a rare chance for you to get scouted." Midoriya and Iida chimed in, turning around to face the boy.

"It just wouldn't be right. I barely remember anything from the cavalry battle until the very end of it. I... think it was that guy's Quirk." The maroonette frowned, turning her eyes just a little to the left of them. Shinso. He just turned away. "I know this is a great opportunity. I wish I could take advantage of it, but my conscience won't let me." Midoriya told him to think about, making the tail boy a little defensive, Kaida dropping her hand from his arm. "Everyone gave their all in round two, but I was just someone's puppet. No way. I don't wanna advance if I don't even know how I got here. It wouldn't be fair."

"You're making way too much of this! Just kill it in the finals and prove you should be here." Hagakure's pom poms fluttered about as she waved her arms, Mina joining in to comfort him, but it was all in vain.

"That's not it. I'm talking about my pride here. I refuse to give that up. Also, why are all the girls, except Hiyama, dressed like cheerleaders?" The girls all groaned, asking themselves why he had to throw that in. Kaida looked up in time to see the other boy, that was on the team with her, withdrawing as well.

"This sort of talk is incredibly naive, my boys. That turns me on!" Hiyama shuddered a little. She got that Midnight was an R-rated hero.. but this was a high school game.. "Shoda! Ojiro! You're withdrawn!" Taking a deep breath, she smiled at Mashirao, nodding.

"I'm sorry it came to this. I'll fight for you then. You deserve some wins." He looked down at her, a thankful smile taking over his features as he nodded back.

"Thanks, Hiyama. It means a lot."

"Now, let's see... We'll have to move up two students from the fifth-place cavalry team so we have enough contestants." The 1-B team of girls decided against filling in, since they were frozen the entire time, rather giving the spots over to another team. "And so, Tetsutetsu and Shiozaki have advanced to the finals! Take a look at the bracket, my dears. These are your opponents!" Kaida gasped and looked over to the pinkette who was grinning away at her.

"I can't wait to melt your butt!" She yelled at the maroonette, making her laugh as she cracked her knuckles with a smirk. Her eyes changed, signaling her Quirk activating which made Bakugo snort.

"If you can even touch me, I'll throw you out of bounds without a problem."

"Look, the battle of the Raccoons." The girls growled and turned to the ash blond.

"What did you say, Sparky?!"

"Don't fucking call me that!"

"Okay! Let's press pause for a momentary interlude! Before the battles begin, it's time for some pulse-pounding side games!" Mic quickly interjected, getting everyone excited. Kaida looked at the girls before sighing, catching their attention.

"Hey Momo?.. Wanna.. Wanna make me one of those uniforms?" The group gasped, Jirou shaking her head quickly while Mina and Hagakure grabbed her hands.

"You would really do that?!"

"Well, it's not fair that all of the girls got humiliated but me. So, let me join in in this madness." Her face was already turning red but she just waved it off. It wasn't fair that they all had to deal with this dumb prank. Momo was quick to make the uniform, quickly handing it over while the girls shoved her to the changing rooms. Oh, she was going to regret this. They called out the first game, Scavenger Hunt, her shaking her head as she changed while catching a glimpse of the scar she had gained from the USJ attack. Normally, her wounds would've healed without one but they were usually just paper cuts and the such.

Kaida took a moment to actually take the look in, twirling a little. She couldn't help but feel... giddy, being able to do something almost considered fun. She left the changing room, after folding her clothes neatly, putting them to the side, and walked out to the girls. Mina turned and jumped happily as she saw the girl. "Oh my god, Kai, you look so pretty!"

That exclamation caught everyone else's attention and she could see some students of the other classes, and even her own class, falter and trip up some. It made her giggle while Hagakure handing over an extra pair of pom poms to her. Ochaco, Mina, Kaida, Hagakure, and Tsu started to cheer their class on. She could see the looks on the students faces, Mina pointing it out and convincing Kaida to do something with her and Hagakure.

"Uh.. are you sure this will encourage them..?" The maroonette's face was turning red from the suggestion, Jirou hearing what they were planning and pulling Kaida aside.

"Don't fall for it, it's super embarrassing!"

"But.. it'll help our classmates keep going, right?" The girl sighed, covering her face.

"You're too nice, Kaida.."

"Kai-Kai! Come on! They're coming this way, let's cheer them on!"

"Ah, okay!" She joined the two girls, pulling the poms in front of her chest and looked at the girls to follow their lead. With a big smile, she danced along with the girls, moving her hips the way Mina taught her as they spun around, kicking up and cheering for 1-A. She could see Uraraka hesitantly join the girls, only because she wanted to help cheer, and Tsu was soon behind. It was a little embarrassing but she saw the looks on Denki and Eijiro's faces. It looked like the encouraging was working! When their little dance came to an end, she looked towards one of the entrances, seeing a certain purple haired boy watching. Making eye contact, she grinned wide and waved. She could see a small smirk come to his face as he turned away. That was a good sign! Maybe they'd be friends yet.

* "We didn't even have to convince Hiyama to wear the uniform, she did it all by herself!" Mineta whispered over to Kaminari, a few of the other males joining in with the staring.

"Yeah, but she knows it was your idea. You're gonna die, dude." Sero interjected. The little boy was nearly crying out of happiness.

"This was so worth it!"

* "What the fuck are you wearing, Red?" The girl in question turned to face the blond coming towards her, his natural scowl on his face. A big smile came to her face.

"Oh, Katsu! Hah, well.. Mineta pranked the other girls, and I felt bad that I was the only one that didn't have to deal with it. So, I thought i would join in." He rolled his eyes and threw something towards her, her quickly catching it and looking at the fabric I her hands. Her gym jacket? "Kat-"

"Just put it on." He said, starting to walk away before stopping. "The pervert and a few others are drooling over you, cover yourself up."

"Are you jealous?" She couldn't stop the words coming out of her mouth, but his reaction made her laugh, his cheeks tinted pink.

"I'm not! Fuckin-! Whatever!" He quickly walked off to the waiting rooms, head down as he grumbled to himself. She watched him leave before her eyes traveled to the jacket in her hands, slipping it on and burying her face in her hands. That was.. oddly sweet of him.

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[scendant]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

tagged by: @zhrets​ aka THE stinky boy, Thank 4 teh Tag-desu uwu *glomps* tagging: @foxcharmed​ / @heroeth​ / @garuvusu​ (do it twice i dare you gabby) / @icarise​

My muse is:   canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless / complicated

Is your character popular in the fandom? YES / NO / KINDA

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO

Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO

Are they underrated?  YES / NO

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main character?  YES / NO

Are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO.

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL.

How strictly do you follow canon?  / I follow canon as much as I can, but it’s important for me to note that Elesis has many versions of herself depending on exactly which time I write her. For the most part, for panfandom interactions, I go for a more general approach incorporating canon into her story (as she did travel solo across dimensions for a hyper-extended period of time), but making it so that it wouldn’t have a tremendous effect on the actual canon of the story (by making her forget every world where she’d traveled, which gives opportunity for plots to revolve around that). I try to follow canon but, the game was a 2008 KMMORPG that was a patchwork mess and character identity is left highly to fandom and individual interpretation. My Elesis is nearly an original character at this point. I’ve thought about what made sense for her for a long time. She is a childhood character that had a significant impact on why I decided to rp, the kind of person I am today, and liking her and maining her in the original game inspire a lot of my love for similar characters.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.  / Elesis Sieghart provides a lot of introspection. She is interesting because she is multifaceted. She is a leader---a Savior, going by the way canon sees her. But she’s not. Several times in canon, namely in her background and in an implied alternate dimension, she leans towards revenge over justice. Her goal has been, and always has been, to enact revenge on the villainess who took her father away from her. Her reaction to seeing her father die in front of her is anger, and then a desire for vengeance. In the alternate universe mentioned, she is so overtaken with rage that she transforms into a shell of herself consisting of her determination and her desire to kill----something that isn’t common among characters like her. Likewise, all throughout canon, she forced her way into a leadership position that, gradually, she begins to doubt and resent. She was brash, had an ugly personality, trampled over others’ opinions and yet---she cares about them so much. She’s a leader because she treats everyone she meets as equals, but she isn’t a leader-type because she’d rather seek anger in her friends’ name rather than protecting them in the present. Elesis always, always, looks towards the past for her actions rather than the present and she is fundamentally flawed as a protagonist. Not to mention, she is selfish and she takes her enjoyment of battle to extremes. Rather than being a forgiving and kind protagonist, she is ruthless and nearly totalitarian in her desire to fight over doing the right thing. She would rather die than retreat for the safety of her friends. She is angry, but it’s kept inside. She is lustful for violence, but she has to keep up the image of a good leader. She’s constantly on a breaking point one way or another, and I love that about her and I hope my interactions can spark some of that curiosity to go beyond what she is on the outside.

She’s a character that has a lot of potential for relationships. She has so many experiences that have changed her over and over again that she cherishes and is referred back to often. She’s a lot of contradictions in one woman, and to weasel your way into that takes a lot of effort and it’s rewarding. That’s how I want to portray her.

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).  Elesis isn’t digestible. She’s kind of basic looking and her words are far and few in between. I think she’s a very difficult character to love----she’s an easy character to gloss over because she’s not bombastic like a lot of others are. Speaking not so much from a fandom perspective (because she is very loved in the fandom, namely GC’s Korean fandom, where she’s one of the most popular characters) but from the perspective of roleplaying and seeing the kinds of characters people tend to prefer----Elesis is just not it. She’s not that consumable, and threading with her (and me in general) takes a ton of time and back and forth before she gives way to cuter threads or in-depth things. She’s not really defined by anything outright. It can easily be said that she isn’t anything. Her character doesn’t seem consistent----she’s a lot of things at once, rather than being “a good girl” or “an evil woman” or “a villain” or “sweet and candy-like” or “a sultry femme fatale”----she’s none of the easily definable. She’s a lot of everything, but she isn’t any one of those descriptions. She’s a protagonist but she doesn’t act like one. She’s a warrior but she longs for something more normal, something more regular. She’s a knight but she has never been knighted. She’s not easy to take in and it can seem very pretentious, to make one character absolutely nothing. It’s off-putting and it turns people off. Also, I don’t tend to talk about her until prompted to, nor do I talk on the dash a lot about her, nor do I have many followers in the first place. All of those things make her a character that people might just not want to write with, and that’s 100% okay.

What inspired you to rp your muse?  / She’s important to me. After leaving tumblr for 2-ish years following a lack of interest and seeing how toxic the dashboard was and how toxic the rpc twitter community was, I left and I didn’t look back until now. In the end, though, I want to write. Writing makes me happy. rping Elesis makes me insanely happy. I never brought her to tumblr because I didn’t want her to be ruined for me, and I’ve reached a point in my life where I’m confident enough in my own identity and my love for this character that I’ve been thinking of in silence for years to put it out in public and start writing with old friends again.

What keeps your inspiration going?  / I love one (1) beautiful titty redhead sword woman. 8+ years in my lil’ brain still going strong 3:

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO

Do you frequently write headcanons?  YES / NO (though I want to)

Do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES (all of my replies tend to be drabbles 3:>) / NO

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day? YES / NO

Are you confident in your portrayal?   YES / NO

Are you confident in your writing?  YES / NO

Are you a sensitive person?  YES / NO

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal? / Truthfully---no. Not about Elesis. About any other character, or rather---about every other character besides Elesis, I will accept criticism. But I’ve thought about Elesis for way too long and for way too many years of my life, changing her as I go, so much so that it’ll feel too personal to me to accept criticism. But if it were any other character, I’d readily accept it.

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?  / Absolutely please please please please---it’s so hard to talk to people one-on-one about her as is, as it is for everyone about their own muses. I love questions. I love answering them.

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why? / I’d be curious, truthfully. But it’s not bad. Anyone can disagree and if that’s the case, but ultimately, my headcanons for Elesis are my own and that’s not going to change even if someone else told me it was “wrong” or “bad”.

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it? / I don’t really care. I’ve thought about this stupid meathead woman for far to long to feel offended at someone else’s disagreement of how I write her. Plus, Elesis Sieghart, as well as every single character of the Grand Chase, can have many, many interpretations due to how vague and up in the air their canon information is. It’s just how it is...

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?  / The only situation where I’d feel upset would be if it were a close friend telling me this after a while of talking about her---and it’s happened before. But overall, it made me sad for a minute and then it was “whatever”. They love her now, and things are good and right in the world. Someone else’s dislike of Elesis doesn’t really effect me outside of close friendships.

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?  / Absolutely! If something is off, please tell me or correct it in the reply <3

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?   / I’d hope so. I don’t view rp as my life or as a main hobby, so I don’t tend to be here often and I write as I feel like it. As a mun I kind of just write here as I please because I know the people who are interested will continue to be interested and those who aren’t, I’ll know with time. In terms of friendships and rp, I do like to be talked to if I share my discord because I don’t share it often. I want to be able to develop and write and do all of those fun things I never got to do in the past due to the fact that when I used to rp as a main hobby, I was a minor---shipping back then was difficult for me, as a minor. 3: But now that I’m a lot older and, well, Legal, I can do a lot more things and explore more dynamics that I felt like I just wasn’t mature enough to do in the past. I guess, in that case, I’m a bit more higher maintenance. I hope I come off as easygoing, but I do get very intense about writing, I like it so much.

[demonsofhunting]

All My Sins - Chapter 13

Pairing: priest!Cas x demon!Dean

Summary: Castiel and Dean are on the run. But where are they supposed to go? And Cas is hurt...

Warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, blood, fluff

Words: about 1400

A/N: Welcome to chapter 13! <3 This one just fits perfectly in the spooky season, doesn't it? It's one of my favs so far, I guess, it was so intense and fun to write. Our cute lil sinners finally get some rest...at least a little.

Catch up here ( Masterlist ) :D

I hope you'll like it! Enjoy! <3

Castiel's heart is beating fast as hell as they are running through the foggy streets of their town. There are sirens literally everywhere...well, that's what it feels like. It's horrible. Dean is holding the priest's hand, pulling him straight forward, even though Cas stumbles with almost every step he takes. His breaths are heavy, his chest burns. He can feel blood tripping down his clothes, making him feel dizzy. Don't you dare and pass out, Novak. We're fucked if you do that. Castiel clenches his jaw, trying his best to keep up with his love. Dean is pretty exhausted as well. Sweat is dripping down his forehead, and his facial expression is that what you could call 'restless'. It's getting darker and darker. The day is going to an end, and Cas has no idea how much time they already spent with...running and hiding. The fog is getting thicker and thicker. Wind blows from the direction they are heading for, as if it wants to stop them with its power. Cas shivers, the shreds of his clothes are not covering his chest pretty well, and it's getting freaking cold outside. After they run past another dark block of houses, the priest stops, leaning over while breathing, heavily. "Hey, what's going on? Cas? Are you alright?" Dean rasps, worried. He immediately runs to the other's side, ready to carry him if he needs to. Castiel smiles, weakly. "No...I...I just can't do this any longer, Dean. My...my chest fucking hurts. Everything...hurts..." he whispers, closing his eyes. I can't give up. I - "Cas? Hey, look at me!" Dean says, firmly, and the priest opens his eyes again, looking up, shaking. Dean's green eyes are filled with determination. "We're gonna make it, okay? I...I have an idea where we can go. But you need to hold on a little longer, alright? Just a few minutes, I promise," he tells the priest, stroking the other's cheek, "If they catch us, everything is lost. Please, Cas. Do it for me. Hold on." Castiel nods, shivering. Sure. I would do everything for him. "Awesome," Dean mutters, pulling Cas up again. Then they continue to run down the street.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It takes more than a few minutes for them to reach the place that Dean was heading for. Castiel breathes in, sharply. "Seriously?" he coughs, getting slower again. His gaze flows over the line of trees that marks the beginning of the forest. "What are we supposed to do out there? Die because of the cold?" he scoffs, feeling completely exhausted, "Dean. That's just...stupid." "Well, we can't go back. They are searching the whole town. We don't have a car or something like that. The only way is to go into the forest, and head for the next town," Dean shrugs, running a hand through his messy hair. "That's insane, Dean! We're gonna die!" Castiel blurts out, letting go of the young man's hand. "Better than having to deal with the fucking police. C'mon, honey. Don't be a baby!" Dean chuckles, but he sounds tired as hell. "No! I'm not gonna - " Cas begins, but gets interrupted by the loud noise of sirens howling in the distance. Damm it! He grabs Dean's hand, and runs right into the sea of trees.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It's dark in here. They run until they can't see the street anymore, then the priest just sits down on the ground that is covered with wet leaves. "That's it. I'm done," he cries out, burying his face in his hands. He accidentally touched his clothes, so he that he now smears blood on his face. But he doesn't care. Not anymore. "Dean...how are you doing this? This is horrible," he sobs, as the other sits down next to him, hugging him from behind. "I know, sweetheart. I know. Well, I don't have any other choice, do I?" he hums, softly. The darkness is covering them like a soft, heavy blanket. "I...I'm sorry," Cas mutters through his tears, "I love you, Dean." "Hey! Don't be sorry, okay? It's all my fault, Cas, not yours. I love you too. We're gonna make it, okay? Just...hang on." They sit there for a few minutes without saying a word, just comforting each other, quietly. Then Castiel breaks the silence, carefully. "How did you know that Meg was a demon?" he asks, "It almost looked like you knew each other pretty well." Dean swallows. "I wasn't completely honest to you, and I'm sorry about that. I just wanted to keep you safe. I...I know Meg since I made my deal. She was harassing me, playing with me after that, just randomly showing up to mock me. She enjoyed spending her time following me, and being happy about my desperation. I never though that she would follow me even into this town - your town. But she did. And after you told me about her using you in that sick kind of way...I...I wanted to kill her, Cas. But I didn't. I still didn't. And that makes me sick. To know that this whore is still alive, and that she tried to harm you..." He hesitates as if he has to control his anger, so that he doesn't explode, immediately. "It's fine. I was the one who let her use me like that," Cas says, weakly, "I gave her an opportunity, and she simply took it. I should have never talked to her. I'm glad that you followed me today, though." "Sure," Dean adds, "I just had an uneasy feeling. And I was right. It was worth the risk." Then they stay quiet for a few minutes again, until Dean asks straight ahead: "Can I take a look at your wounds, Cas?" The other winces, but nods, lightly: "Sure. Just...just tell me that it isn't as bad as it feels right now, okay? I feel like I'm constantly at the edge of passing out." The priest turns around while Dean pulls out his phone. The young man uses it as flashlight, and strokes back the shreds of Castiel's clothing, carefully. "Ow," the priest hisses, laying his head back in pain. "Sorry," Dean mutters, examining the wounds on the other's chest, closely. Cas can feel the young man's finger tips touching his skin, softly, sending thousands of shivers down his spine even though the pain is making him go crazy at the same time. Love and attraction. Such strange feelings. Castiel looks at Dean's face, carefully, searching for anything that gives something away. "And?" he asks, worried, "What...what did she do to me?" Sure, I could take a look myself, but I'm to damn afraid to do that right now. Dean makes a pout. "Well...doesn't look so bad," he says, but his eyes are saying something else. "You're a terrible liar. What's up?" The young man sighs: "Usually, I am a pretty good liar. But...this bitch carved some sick shit into your skin. Almost looks like old symbols or something like that." "Wait - what?!" Cas cries out, trying his best to take a look himself. The movement hurts, but what he sees on his chest in bloody lines makes his blood run cold. "Oh no. Oh nononononononono!" he stutters, looking at the symbols with disgust. "With our terrible luck, this must be some fucking voodoo stuff. I'm gonna die!" Cas cries out. I'm will rot form inside, I will - "Hey, hey! Take it easy. Maybe...maybe it's just some sick kind of art," Dean tries to comfort the priest, but this doesn't work at all.  I'm gonna fucking die... "You're not gonna die. Not on my watch. At least, it kinda stopped bleeding," Dean says, calmly, as if he just read the other's thoughts. He looks around, then his gaze meets Cas'. "I'm gonna patch you up," he determines. "With what? We don't have anything with us, we -" the priest, begins, but gets interrupted as he has to watch Dean taking his leather jacket of. "Dean, what are you - " "Shush," Dean mutters, letting his jacket fall to the ground with a frown. After he did that, he tugs a little on his shirt like he wants to test something. Then he takes it off, and begins to rip it into long shreds. Castiel stares at him with his mouth wide open. "Dean, please. I don't want you to freeze to death!" he tries to stop the other, but Dean has already ruined his piece of clothing. "And I'm not gonna let you die,"he says, firmly, "And now let me take care of you." And Cas does that, blushing a little.

( A/N: Next chapter on October 11, 2019 <3 )

That was chapter 13! Thank you so much for reading, and if you would like to leave a comment or reblog this shit, I will love you forever! <3

Tag lists are open! ( and under the cut this time XD )

[rapperkookz]

ironman!namjoon

a/n wow ok so this is the start of my avengers!bts headcanons and yuh they all have set in stone story lines but im gonna shake it up a lil bit xD

word count: 2.3k

____________________

kim namjoon

you see

the kim namjoon is a smart kid

child genius if i say so myself

and boy he knew it

no eleven year old chooses to write a paper about hubble’s law of cosmic expansion for a science project instead of making a trifold and using liquid cement

no, namjoon writes a 4-page paper in apa style with a magnificent abstract

he got an A on it of course

his brilliance only goes up from there

and with his rich parents, he has the opportunity-

to which yoongi and seokjin would say “privilege”

but let’s just say “opportunity”

to do incredible research and studies and experiments

his dad has a science lab built just for him in their house

by nineteen, namjoon has taken over a good percentage of his parents’ business

kim enterprises

growing up, namjoon had an idea that his parents’ business was pretty expansive and were involved in many areas

but it wasn’t until he was placed in board meetings at eighteen when he absorbed how powerful his family really was

and sure the business aspect of him was aight, but he loved his lab and would rather leave the negotiating to his mom and dad

you grew up with namjoon, you were also from a wealthy family

your fathers were childhood friends and they grew their businesses together

although kim enterprises surpassed your family’s wealth easily, the bond between your families were still tight

namjoon was stubborn and a smartass

but he wasn’t a jerk, just...very selective with his true self

he’s also a bit spoiled, but with his parents who gave into his every wish, it just turned out that way

at 21, namjoon’s parents got into a plane crash on the way to a meeting in london and it unfortunately claimed their lives

namjoon became the sole CEO and heir of kim enterprises

he asked you for help because damn he couldn’t run a whole business by himself??

and you weren’t needed yet to run your own family business

so you didn’t mind helping out your friend

things were running okay with little kinks in the road, but the business was still thriving and so namjoon was okay with that

until one day when you and namjoon were hanging out in his family mansion and it was broken into

in a crazy haze, you were captured and abducted

namjoon knew they were after him and not you and for the first time in his life:

he had absolutely no idea what to do

he had to find you of course but he didn’t know where to start

namjoon couldn’t tell your parents because they would absolutely kill him for not protecting you

and honestly he wanted to beat himself up too for that fact

thanks to his brilliant mind, he managed to track wherever the fuck you were being held captive

he took his private jet out to a nearby place and did the rest by foot

this was basically a suicide mission and he knew it, but to hell with it

namjoon would exchange his life for yours, you’ve been with him since birth

back to you

you were being held in a cell

your captors needed namjoon to build something for them, but since you weren’t him, you were useless to them

you thought they were going to kill you

but instead they just locked you up

you didn’t expect to see namjoon being pushed into your cell with you

“joon what the fuck are you doing here?”

“I uh...I found you.”

you thought he would have told your dad and then like officers would come and find you

not namjoon, alone.

“did you expect to just walk in and sweet talk them into letting me go?”

he scratched the back of his neck

“for a genius, you’re fucking stupid.”

“okay, truthfully, i thought I could turn myself in and that would convince them to let you go, but i guess they just took both of us haha.”

for weeks you two were held prisoner, your captors taking namjoon in the morning and returning with him at night

you were just stuck in there

but whenever joon came back, he had a new injury to him

your heart hurt whenever you saw him come back, pain all over his face

you would do your best into aiding him, but you didn’t really have much options in the small cell

it was one night when he didn’t come back and your mind automatically assumed that he was dead

you started sobbing in the cell, god you were going crazy

you needed to get out of there

and then when you heard some whimpering and cries of pain, your drive only got bigger bc you knew it was namjoon

you started clanging on the cell and screaming for them to let you go

and then from the corner of your eye, you spotted joon crawling to you, all bloodied up

you gasped spotting the large wound on his chest

but before you could start losing your mind about your best friend was going to die, he calmly started instructing you to build a generator for him

you: joon! I’m not as smart as you, this thing is going to fucking blow up

joon: y/n, calm down and listen to me. you can do this, i believe in you

also joon: connect that wire to the plug...black long thing to red square.

as the hours went on into the night, namjoon sounded weaker and weaker, making you urgent into finishing his little generator

you started holding his hand

“joon, it’s done, okay? it’s done.”

“this is going to hurt like a bitch, but put that generator in my wound. and shove my shirt in my mouth, shut me up with it or we’ll get caught.”

“w-what?”

“just do it y/n!”

you shoved the triangle thing you made (with his help) into his chest and shut your eyes as you basically gagged joon quiet

within minutes he started to get better and you felt like a huge weight was lifted off your shoulders

the last thing you remember before crashing was joon saying “thank you, y/n, now go rest.”

you were awaken by a huge bang

lo and behold, namjoon’s in a tin suit and he blasted your cell open

you could barely register namjoon breaking the roof of your cell and grasping you by the waist and flying you out of there

his tin suit failed him within minutes, the thrusters he built at his feet giving in

but the important thing was that you two made it out and crashlanded in a lake

the place where you were held captive burst into flames

you were founded by your father’s men

(he had some great influence in the army)

and fuck you and joon suffered from one hell of a ptsd

for a while, joon became distant

i mean, could you blame him? y’all got kidnapped and almost died

you tried to reach out but his house security kept denying you

cute side note: namjoon’s jarvis is called moni

“god dammit moni, i just wanna talk to him”

“my apologies miss/sir y/n, master kim doesn’t want any visitors at the moment.”

:(

the next time joon talked to you was months after you two were found, he invited you over to his house and his security system led you straight to his lab

you walked in to see your best friend in a golden technological suit, the triangle generator you helped him make glowing on the torso of his suit

“joon, what the fuck are you doing?”

he sat you down and explained how after your whole kidnapping, he realized that he had a gift 

and he could either be sitting around waiting to be kidnapped again for his mind to be used for the worst

or he could be doing something for the greater good

you honestly couldn’t follow, couldn’t he just use his wealth to donate to charities or something?

but no, he wanted to be proactive and idk be some kind of superhero

“why are you telling me all this?”

“well, not only are you my best friend and we have suffered through hell together...if I happen to die out there, I’m leaving you in charge of kim enterprises.”

“huh die out where? joon you’re not going back there.”

he then told you how he was forced to build weapons while you were kidnapped and how his parents dealt with underground business with terrible people and now it’s come to bite him and kim enterprises in the ass

“i’m going back. If you want, you can stay here and monitor me. moni has complete access to my suit, it is my eyes and ears.”

“god, just...come back, don’t die on me, please.”

you end up watching him complete whatever mission he had for himself

but also how he got his ass beat

you almost missed a pair of boys save him from where he was

they were quick to the eye, dressed all in black, you just remember one with a bow and arrow

fast forward another couple months

joon was safe, thank god, and just doing insane upgrades on his suit and what not

you called him golden boy, but he said that name just didn’t suit him

you see that pun i put there ;)

the two of you were discussing the art exhibit he needed to attend when moni alerted him of visitors

surprise surprise it was the same two boys that you remember saving him, except they were dressed casually this time

“you must be y/n, namjoon hyung’s better half.”

namjoon glared at the boy, “shut up, jimin.”

the other one spoke, “we need you both to come to headquarters.”

“omg I’m not being kidnapped again, am i?”

the three of them laughed

you were told that jimin and the other boy, taehyung, were agents under BTS, a protection initiative created by their boss, Mr. Bang

and now, namjoon was being recruited to be part of that initiative

BTS is a specialized sub-unit to the larger Avengers motion

it put your mind at ease knowing that namjoon wasn’t alone in his whole fighting crime and saving lives ordeal

the media deemed namjoon’s golden suit as “iron man”

and although you personally liked your “golden boy” name better

joon had a complete liking to the other name

you witnessed when they recruited more agents to BTS

namjoon began to have a nice bond with the other boys

and it made you happy, of course, knowing that he had others by his side

but sometimes you couldn’t help but feel as if you were being replaced as his best friend

especially when he and the wakandan king, jung hoseok, became rather close

namjoon first realized his feelings for you when kim seokjin, aka the god of thunder, was flirting with you during one of joon’s house parties

he almost had a fist fight with him

but the other boys held them back from beating each other up

a supersuit vs a god with insane powers? that wasn’t going to end well at all

and so namjoon secretly pined for you

you were still doing business together, but it was mostly you because he was busy now with world saving duties

you were the one to convince him to recruit their youngest and final member to BTS

the spider kid, jeon jungkook

namjoon becomes jungkook’s mentor

and it’s quite endearing

but jk’s also the one to spill to you that namjoon has had the hugest crush on you for the longest time

kid just can’t keep his mouth shut sometimes

all the boys knew that namjoon was basically in love with you

they even helped him come up with this elaborate event of confessing to you

...which all went to hell bc yoongi got triggered and smashed everything

yoongi felt so bad afterwards

but all ended well bc of course you loved namjoon back

he was your best friend and your #1 since day 1

namjoon ends up revealing himself as iron man probably a year after the whole BTS unit was solidified

the press was hell for kim enterprises

which you had to mainly contain :/

but you know he’s a charmer in front of the camera

your parents were a bit iffy when they found out you were dating iron man

but if anyone could take care of you, they knew it would be namjoon

aw im emo

dating your best friend/business partner is a rollercoaster

you’ve had your fair share of heart attack moments, waiting for him after a battle or a mission

namjoon has put his life in danger and will continue to put his life in danger and you’re just going to have to deal with that

he hates that he also puts your life in danger just by association, but you have a lot of protection, courtesy of Mr. Bang

you wear his suit sometimes and try to fly it for fun

he finds you cute

builds you a suit, yourself, but you don’t wear it often

mostly bc you know there’s some weapons included for safety and that scares you a bit

you end up merging businesses with kim enterprises

and run the whole rodeo bc he’s too busy saving the world

but you always keep him updated on what’s happening

he’s become less arrogant after being with the boys and after dating you

but he’s still a smartass

uses kim enterprises’ wealth and resources for the improvement of BTS

it’s pretty useful if you ask me

namjoon becomes the spokesperson for BTS ;)

he and his boys save the world on the regular

but he wouldn’t be saving the world if you didn’t save his world first

u fucking wu

that last part was cheesy but am i sorry about it?

nah

7-6-19

[tb5-hellbound]

here is a long ago conversation about talented amateurs, between me and a much better writer

if it’s of interest to anybody, here’s a long ago conversation I had with a very dear friend (and the best writer I know), about this story and the shape of it. it probably would’ve taken place around November of 2018, which is wild to remember. My daughter was 3. I was in the middle of moving house. TAG still hadn’t aired S3. I came to know so much about this story that it’s surprising to remember that I didn’t know when I wrote the first chapter that it even WAS a first chapter.

and not featured here, but still necessary to thank personally for putting up with similar ramblings over the course of the past two years are @space-baegel, @scribeofred and @drdone. 

Anyway. Here’s a behind the scenes glimpse at what I knew in November of 2018. Thanks for reading <3

Prelude 9:27 pm also i have another 2k in TA Kate 9:27 pm and you do not have enough hours in the day Prelude 9:27 pm and they are about to have a Big Talk Kate 9:27 pm OOOOH KHNDFKLVGERUILG i just got SO excited Prelude 9:27 pm no and I have a small person sitting on my lap yelling SUPER JUMP SUPER JUMP and not finishing her pizza Kate 9:28 pm hahshaaha she is my spirit animal except i would have finished the pizza in the first 30 seconds Prelude 9:29 pm hahaha yeah she got distracted by puppy games on her phone Kate 9:29 pm oh well then that is understandable Prelude 9:30 pm the problem is she still sits on my lap and she weighs forty pounds she is 3’6" and people think she’s a six year old Kate 9:31 pm she sounds exactly like my cousin sam she’s going to be TALL Prelude 9:31 pm oh yeah freakish Kate 9:31 pm are you and hubby tall? Prelude 9:31 pm oh yes Kate 9:31 pm both? Prelude 9:31 pm I’m 5’9", he’s 6’1" Kate 9:31 pm ahhh yess Prelude 9:32 pm I’m the shortest member of my family, although that may have changed Kate 9:32 pm but good height comparison between the two of you Prelude 9:32 pm My sister tells me she’s 5’7" I do not believe Kate 9:32 pm i would like to be 5’7" or even 5’5" Prelude 9:32 pm oh no kate are you tiny i write Penelope as very very tiny Kate 9:32 pm yes, i relate like in TA when you wrote that bit about gordon hovering above her i am her height Prelude 9:33 pm ehehehehehe Kate 9:33 pm so i could completely visualize it Prelude 9:33 pm niiiiice i love me a good height difference Kate 9:33 pm i mean anyone can visualize it but i mean i have been there lil lol i like guys at like 5’10" Prelude 9:33 pm Not Too Tall Kate 9:34 pm the 5’9" or 5’10" is great for my height YES EXACTLY Prelude 9:34 pm She wears like crazy high heels also like she’s wearing platform stilettos half the time. Kate 9:34 pm right i used to, i miss heels Prelude 9:34 pm i love a girl in Good Shoes Kate 9:34 pm i like opportunities to wear heels i haven’t in like a full year ME TOO! Prelude 9:34 pm (spoilers gordon is going to discover that he has a bit of a Shoe Thing) Kate 9:34 pm OH YES I AM READY Prelude 9:35 pm hahahahaha you just sit on the sidelines and cheer everytime I say these sinful things about this very good boy Kate 9:35 pm because i am the biggest, biggest fan of said sinful things Prelude 9:35 pm good, you keep me going Kate 9:35 pm really, just the biggest fan Prelude 9:35 pm It is very helpful Kate 9:35 pm i will be your cheerleader i am that peron person that wants the gritty stuff i want the details Prelude 9:36 pm bless your heart but also like I don’t think I’ll ever get to SMUT territory Kate 9:36 pm keeps me going Prelude 9:36 pm I just like writing like Kate 9:36 pm right Prelude 9:36 pm passions Kate 9:36 pm not that i would expect you too Prelude 9:36 pm not that I couldn’t either Kate 9:36 pm but you tow the line like where you are with TA is Prelude 9:36 pm I walk that tightrope Kate 9:36 pm perfect Prelude 9:36 pm the artful cutaway Kate 9:37 pm b/c then it’s really all left up to the imagination to fill in what you please yes! Prelude 9:37 pm the “oh by the way I can hold my breath for four minutes and I played clarinet in highschool” like Kate 9:37 pm i like that more than actual smut Prelude 9:37 pm subtle yknow Kate 9:37 pm LOL Prelude 9:37 pm see, you get it 😉 Kate 9:37 pm but you say things like"fuckfest" and it makes me happy b/c the deed was done, but again your imagination fills in the details Prelude 9:38 pm exactly and honestly the hardest thing about writing this stuff is writing what they’re both actually doing because I can’t just have the pair of them lying there but i’m very bad at visualizing I need like a pair of very bendy barbies artist doll things Kate 9:39 pm i like it when it’s right there, right at the edge, but then you (as the reader) take it there b/c we all have our own ideas and interpretations of events and what should happen and the way it happens Prelude 9:39 pm yeah! Kate 9:39 pm lol right Prelude 9:39 pm like, i will give you all of the bricks and all of the mortar you fit 'em together Kate 9:39 pm yes, love it! Prelude 9:40 pm ahhh but also like Kate 9:40 pm aw dang now i need more, prelude Prelude 9:40 pm well I mean also like, talking about the terms of their relationship and the fact that they’re going to have a relationship or at least see what happens Kate 9:41 pm i need it okay Prelude 9:41 pm oh man kate if I keep it going there’s gonna be So Much drama with Scotty Kate 9:41 pm like romance is also my New Thing okay like WAIT WAIT WHAT ABOUT DRAMA WITH SCOTT Prelude 9:42 pm oh yeah Kate 9:42 pm TELL ME MORE Prelude 9:42 pm if Gordon gets Penny pregnant, Scott is gonna rip him the fuck in half Kate 9:42 pm BUT LIEK like i don’t care i need it i need to see how it shifts the dynamics for all of them Prelude 9:42 pm oh yes it’s gonna be like, to the point of massive overreaction, almost for a Reason Kate 9:43 pm but that fits with scott i would expect that from scott does it have to do with age Prelude 9:43 pm well, i think for Scott the thing is that he like got a girl pregnant when he was in high school Kate 9:43 pm with scott stepping into dad role OMG YES keep going i am so excited Prelude 9:43 pm and she didn’t keep it, and that was for the best Kate 9:43 pm there are 5 boys in this family you can’t tell me an oops didn’t happen at least once Prelude 9:44 pm But he hates himself for being so irresponsible and stupid and impulsive and young Kate 9:44 pm yes yes yes the scott/gordon dynamic i am fucking HERE for it Prelude 9:44 pm me too But this is also just such a huge thing for Penelope because like her whole life and this was just supposed to be a sort of “well we’ll see” kind of a thing and the first impulsive night they have together, the unthinkable happened and of course she’s not on birth control, she hasn’t been in a serious relationship in a couple of years now And why would he have brought condoms to his grandma’s birthday party and they both should’ve thought about the potential for this consequence, but there’s such an afterglow and it seems more important to think about their relationship and neither of them figured this could happen Kate 9:46 pm right right and passion is like a real fucker that changes everything Prelude 9:47 pm no pun intended Kate 9:47 pm HA Prelude 9:47 pm and they were both looking forward to that courtship phase like Kate 9:47 pm but passion is a fickle bitch, it’s all about the moment she comes for even the most sensible Prelude 9:48 pm the thing that’s going to happen in this chapter is that she’s going to say “okay, let’s do this right. would you rather I took you out for valentine’s day or for your birthday?” “And would you rather go to Paris or Nice?” Kate 9:48 pm oh man grabby hands i’m super excited for the scott parts of this like i love the g/p part too obvs but what scott would go through would be a big Thing he is very emotitonal Prelude 9:49 pm oh yeah Kate 9:49 pm emotional Prelude 9:49 pm I think like Gordon doesn’t know about Scott’s thing And like john or somebody sort of has to take him aside and quietly explain Kate 9:50 pm also, you may not have ever even gone here, but due to my recent obsession, that then makes me think of virgil and kayo if they’re messing around too to be careful shit happens any of them, really, i guess Prelude 9:50 pm oH yeah Kate 9:50 pm i wanna be inside scott’s head when the news comes out Prelude 9:50 pm no they are fanatically careful and they are like Kate 9:50 pm so they are like straight up doing it though? Prelude 9:50 pm no, they’ve been doing this for like a year and a half No one knows Kate 9:50 pm like they are THERE Prelude 9:50 pm Oh yeah They are total fuckbuddies Kate 9:50 pm OH WAIT really? that long?! Prelude 9:51 pm oh yeah Kate 9:51 pm wow, that’s even ebtter better Prelude 9:51 pm no, they have a Thing They have a System Kate 9:51 pm also, i am super impressed that they kept it quiet for that long Prelude 9:51 pm Oh yeah Kate 9:51 pm which makes sense considering kayo Prelude 9:51 pm Yeah, entirely Kate 9:51 pm is special ops or whatever Prelude 9:51 pm I think Virgil’s just like I mean Kate 9:51 pm but like, i dunno, i love it Prelude 9:52 pm I think he’s the place where everybody else goes with secrets Kate 9:52 pm and i kinda like looking at the various dynamics Prelude 9:52 pm but he’s insanely good at keeping his own Kate 9:52 pm of what is and what isn’t YES i’ve always headcanoned virgil that way too Prelude 9:52 pm I think Somebody might know about Virgil hahahaha I also kind of I mean like Kate 9:52 pm wait tell me about the system Prelude 9:52 pm there’s a place I wanna go with Virgil Kate 9:52 pm i am sorry Prelude 9:52 pm haha I don’t know much yet Kate 9:52 pm i hijacked this conversation Prelude 9:52 pm but it’s like no no, it’s cool Kate 9:53 pm from pen and ink to virgil Prelude 9:53 pm No, I gotchu fam Kate 9:53 pm and kayo lol but i have thought lots about the first 2 Prelude 9:53 pm I think they have like Kate 9:53 pm and v/k is new and exciting for me lol WAIT THIS PLACE TELL ME MORE Prelude 9:53 pm hahaha well like I mean, it’s meant to be sort of an overall examination of relationships in the family Kate 9:53 pm yes yes Prelude 9:54 pm and how some of them know some things about each other and some of them know other things and some things are secret Like, Scott/Jane have a secret relationship, but I think like Alan knows or something Alan also still kind of has a thing for Kayo, but he’s aware that it’s dumb and he needs to get over it but he’s still gonna be really hurt if he finds out about her and virgil Kate 9:54 pm awww yeah Prelude 9:54 pm And then like I waaaaaant like Kate 9:55 pm poor ala alan just in general Prelude 9:55 pm like, there’s sort of two major ships with Virgil are V/B and V/K. and I kinda wanna go both places. I think Virgil is bi, but people tend to assume he’s gay. And I think maybe for a while he and Brains were kind of a thing, but also with that same sort of secrecy, and not like, in the fuckbuddy kinda way. I think they did more like traditional dating, just out of curiosity. But that hasn’t been a thing in ages, and they basically came to the conclusion that they’re happier as friends. Kate 9:57 pm hmmm would you try to explore both within this universe? Prelude 9:57 pm I think so. Kate 9:57 pm like the TA universe? wow! girl, you’ve got your work cut out for you! Prelude 9:57 pm Mostly just because I want Gordon to get mad as hell at Virgil, for having fooled around with the only two people on the island that they’re not related to, “you enormous lumberjack slut.” like, i want FIGHTS Kate 9:58 pm hahahahahha Prelude 9:58 pm “you beefy plaid whore” Kate 9:58 pm i don’t know why, but i have a hard time seeing brains in any sort of relationship with anyone Prelude 9:59 pm Yeah, that’s fair Kate 9:59 pm maybe it’s because i never formed an attachment to him? Prelude 9:59 pm I hear you Kate 9:59 pm or because he’s always like WORK SCIENCE OOPS Prelude 9:59 pm I mostly like the idea of Virgil being secretive about his personal relationships to the point that people assume he doesn’t have them. Kate 9:59 pm but also i LOVE the insults from gordon you beefy plaid whore HHAHAHAHA so virgil/kayo would end up coming out? Prelude 10:00 pm “you flannel strumpet” “there are two people on this island you don’t share dna with and you fucked both of them” (he didn’t, actually) (also scott knew about virgil/brains being a thing and this is why he thinks virgil is gay) Kate 10:00 pm like a total accident? how would gordon know? i wanna see this fight Prelude 10:00 pm Oh yeah, they’re in better shape than anyone else Kate 10:00 pm hahahaha Prelude 10:00 pm I think it comes out in one capacity or another Kate 10:00 pm hahahhahahaha the insults are amazing how would scott feel about that? Prelude 10:00 pm Either Virgil owns up for some reason, possibly to keep Scott from really tearing into Gordon Kate 10:00 pm with his whole secret jane thing oooh you know that is EXACTLY what virgil would do try to reason Prelude 10:01 pm i think there’s a massive blow out Kate 10:01 pm ooooh no i’m getting even more invested in v.k now Prelude 10:01 pm and Virgil grabs John and is like “okay, I’ll take Scott, you take Gordon.” Kate 10:01 pm like, what happens from there OOOH OOOH Prelude 10:02 pm i think V probably goes to Kayo and says “okay, i think I need to talk to Scott about us” Kate 10:02 pm KEEP GOING TELL ME MORE Prelude 10:02 pm And she’s like “MMMMMMM NOT SURE I DIG ON THAT, THERE IS LITERALLY A SMOKING CRATER WHERE GORDON WAS STANDING” “yeah but that’s why we gotta” I think John’s a bigger factor for Gordon vs the whole potential parenthood thing because I’ll always write him as aro/ace But he’s also the person with the closest analogue to a child, in EOS Kate 10:04 pm okay okay although, scott too Prelude 10:04 pm Oh yeah Kate 10:04 pm kinda assuming father role Prelude 10:04 pm Oh totally Kate 10:04 pm oh man oh man sarah Prelude 10:04 pm “I’m just telling you what Dad told me when I did this” Kate 10:04 pm you have no idea the kind of feels i have right now OH OOOH MAN Prelude 10:05 pm Gordon being like “excuse me, I did not knock up a cheerleader I’d known for three weeks in the back of Grandpa’s truck when i was seventeen” Prelude 10:06 pm “if the great state of kansas had an age of consent any younger than sixteen, what you did would’ve been statutory” then probably there’s some punching Kate 10:06 pm ooooh shit lol yeah yeah, there’s definitely some punching Prelude 10:07 pm hahaha oh man i just wrote a line Kate 10:07 pm OH DID YOU NOW Prelude 10:07 pm “Not much for sleeping late, then?” she inquires, curious more than she is critical. “Personally, I’ve got a terrible fondness for a good lie-in.”

“I get nervous when I don’t know what time it is,” he admits, a little sheepishly. “I mean—it doesn’t matter. S’just…I dunno, I’m all hungover. And we’re supposed to be outta here by noon. And—and I don’t mean to keep coming back to it, but my entire family, Penelope. Right outside your bedroom door. My grandmother. We weren’t supposed to get her anything, but like…happy birthday, Grandma! I slept with our London Agent.”

“Well, if it helps, it was well after midnight before anything of consequence actually happened.” Penelope tilts her head slightly (adorably), and seems bemused by the concept. “But then, it does beg the question—is that something she would consider a gift?”

Gordon shrugs. “There’s a reason Grandma rhymes with drama.”

On the topic of drama, her answering sigh is exaggerated, but tolerant. “Yes, because you’re an American and you pronounce everything incorrectly.” Kate 10:08 pm lol penny but seriously, i LOVE this and i love the direction it’s going and i love everything i know about the overall shakeup for the family Prelude 10:09 pm oh yes I’m very excited Kate 10:09 pm i can’t describe to you how excited i am for all of this!!! Prelude 10:10 pm hahaha good! motivate me! Kate 10:10 pm how?!?! i’ve done LOTS of screaming!!! lol Prelude 10:11 pm hahaha i mean you are! you are super motivating me Kate 10:11 pm YAYAYAYAY!!! i’m a sucker for relationships and analyzing them throwing wrenches into them lol Prelude 10:11 pm yeah! also Gordon and Grandma and “grandma i fucked up” and just like Kate 10:12 pm OH my gosh yes!!! Prelude 10:12 pm being so upset at how this changes what he thought was goign to play out like, he wanted the chance to fall in love with her i mean, more in love with her but like, to do it Right Kate 10:13 pm right, follow kind of the natural course Prelude 10:13 pm and to have to figure out how to make their relationship work out between their respective jobs because I also think she’s like “I don’t want an abortion” Kate 10:14 pm and the added pressure of distance Prelude 10:14 pm I kind of don’t think that’s in her nature Kate 10:14 pm or how to come together like at least v/k are on the same island Prelude 10:14 pm yeah, exactly Kate 10:14 pm i would assume too, for penny, there’s some sort of expectation of how things should be like, from a social standpoint from a name standpoint Prelude 10:15 pm Yeah, exactly she’s just like staring down the barrel of this scandal and like she’s run into a crumbling south american temple without batting an eye but this scares her Kate 10:16 pm yes that makes perfect sense things are going to change moving forward, forever but there’s really no way of knowing how things will play out Prelude 10:16 pm And their family is so private like so incredibly private she’s lived her whole life in the public eye and he just hasn’t aaaaaah and like man Kate 10:17 pm yesss there are so many factors at play Prelude 10:18 pm he wants so much to do right by her, and like, he already loves her enough to marry her but now he doesn’t know if he should ask or what she’d say if he did or if she wants that Kate 10:18 pm and emotions are so high that i’d think that’d impact a lot like as far as asking for marriage Prelude 10:18 pm also preggo hormones yeah, exactly and like Penny being told that she can’t do that secret side of her job any more she has to be just a socialite Kate 10:19 pm and i’d think maybe this might challenge the nature of their jobs? for anyone involved? Prelude 10:19 pm oh yeah Gordon’s gonna get benched Kate 10:19 pm yeeeep good thing they don’t need him for things like deep sea rig explosions Prelude 10:20 pm wELL not like Penny can do it either Kate 10:20 pm right but that’s what i mean they both do these kinds of things Prelude 10:20 pm exactly Kate 10:20 pm but now adding a child brings in a whole lot more to think about and i am thrilled to see how it plays out!!! Prelude 10:20 pm and now they both have each other on the sidelines Kate 10:20 pm ahhhhhh!!! Prelude 10:20 pm yeah!!! i gotta!!! write it!!! Kate 10:20 pm on the sidelines YES and the virgil/kayo Prelude 10:21 pm “go have a tea party with penny or whatever it is she does” oh yeah Kate 10:21 pm i hope you know you’ve created a monster and i will NEVER let this go even if it takes YEARS AND YEARS Prelude 10:21 pm I think v/k going like “…well should we try and be a thing now? like a real thing? like stuff is changing, should we take that opportunity?” Kate 10:21 pm i’ll always be there, whispering in your ear HAHAHA Prelude 10:21 pm “…what if we don’t work as a thing?” Kate 10:21 pm YES YES and it would be virgil that makes the proposition, yes? Prelude 10:22 pm Oh yeah oh man Grandma taking Gordon aside and being like “the only reason your mother and father got together was because Scott was conceived in a hayloft when your dad was twenty-one, he can get off his high-horse.” “And there are five of you and your parents loved each other more than anything.” Kate 10:22 pm was it intiially like, one of them that said ‘let’s just keep it where it’s at’ or like, very adamantly keep it as fuckbuddies on the dl Prelude 10:22 pm “this doesn’t have to be a disaster” Kate 10:23 pm YES Prelude 10:23 pm I think Kayo is a little bit scared to be caught keeping another secret from the boys. Kate 10:23 pm GRANDMA FOR THE WIN Prelude 10:23 pm and also being like “your dad never meant for IR to be your entire lives” Kate 10:23 pm at least she has virgil in it with her and if anyone is sensible in that family, it’s virgil yes 😔 ir really is literally everything Prelude 10:23 pm “you’re meant to have partners, you’re meant to have your own futures, you’re meant to grow up and learn how to make this a part of your lives and not the totality” And like Kate 10:24 pm impacts ALL areas of their lives Prelude 10:24 pm the core of the reason why any of them keep these secrets at all is because they’re afraid of how it would impact IR and Dad’s legacy Kate 10:24 pm oh my gosh sarah i am fucking here for it and fucking pumped!!! Prelude 10:24 pm and none of them want to be the guy to ruin that. hahahahaha ily kate you complete me Kate 10:24 pm <3 Prelude 10:24 pm i am down to talk about this always Kate 10:24 pm ME FUCKING TOO cuz see, you’re looking at what comes next, and what happens later, not just right now and i fucking APPRECIATE THAT Prelude 10:25 pm oh yeah I am a Big Picture Person and I am very much about the interplay of all these relationships Kate 10:25 pm ugh me too Prelude 10:25 pm and how these different connections form and also like Kate 10:25 pm YES Prelude 10:25 pm unexpected connections Kate 10:25 pm and they’re all getting older Prelude 10:25 pm Like Kate 10:25 pm and things change Prelude 10:25 pm exactly! like it’s so significant that Gordon goes to her intially because he’s like “i need to start getting over you” Prelude 10:26 pm and she’s like “well first you’re gonna be under me for a bit” Kate 10:26 pm and if they’ve found someone that they could make a life with, it’s important that those things happen Kate 10:26 pm b/c of fulfillment and everything Prelude 10:26 pm exactly! and like This is the break scott’s been waiting for, even if he doesn’t realize it And he’s gonna be in this massive funk and he’s gonna be like “I’M GOING OUT FOR SOME AIR” Kate 10:27 pm YES! KEEP GOING KEEP GOING Prelude 10:27 pm and he’s going to fly across the globe to whatever airport Jane is spending the night in and be like Kate 10:27 pm GOOOOO KEEP GOING Prelude 10:27 pm “my fucking little idiot brother knocked up an english socialite” Kate 10:27 pm omg omg Prelude 10:27 pm “let’s get MARRIED.” Kate 10:27 pm i love this Prelude 10:27 pm “that’ll teach him.” Kate 10:27 pm this is literally what i live for omg ahhahahahaha scott Prelude 10:27 pm “he’s not the only stupid impulsive idiot in the family” Kate 10:28 pm hahahaha i love it omg Prelude 10:28 pm And Jane’s gonna be like “slow your roll, babe 😃 " “ily but you’re dumb as hell when you’re mad.” like that Scott’s found someone outside the family who does what Virgil does for him in IR in like an emotional capacity Kate 10:29 pm YESSS omg beautiful i love love love these things Prelude 10:29 pm saaaaame Kate 10:29 pm and like, above all else, these boys DESERVE this Prelude 10:29 pm yeah!!! Kate 10:29 pm they deserve love and something to indulge in and get that ultimate fullillment outside of what they know Prelude 10:30 pm and also I want Penny to go to John first with the news that she’s pregnant because bffs and also I think he’s just who she calls when she’s in trouble Kate 10:30 pm that makes sense and i thought she would cuz bffs hahahaha Prelude 10:30 pm well and also because that was where she went when she first kissed Gordon Kate 10:30 pm right follows patterns Prelude 10:30 pm and i live for callbacks yes also i just like Kate 10:31 pm yes i’m like in my glory right now thinking about it all Prelude 10:32 pm really love that she would trust him and would be correct in trusting him and that he’d be the person to say “well, I will help you handle this however you want to handle this and no one else has to know” “but also please don’t keep this from Gordon, because if he ever finds out any other way he’ll literally die.” “i cannot explain the degree to which this would hurt him and i know you don’t want to hurt him.” Kate 10:32 pm yessss yes Prelude 10:32 pm also parker is going to be Furious Kate 10:33 pm ooh i never really even thought about parker! Prelude 10:33 pm yeah, I keep remembering him at the last second Kate 10:33 pm there are so many players involved and so many lines to follow so many people impacted Prelude 10:33 pm yessssss i live for that shit hwd is like that Kate 10:34 pm like, nothing anyone in this family does only impacts that person Prelude 10:34 pm so complicated so many relationships Kate 10:34 pm or that couple there are repercussions for EVERYTHING any of them do that impact EVERYONE else Prelude 10:34 pm Exactly and deep down at the core of it, it’s just that they all want to protect each other Kate 10:34 pm yes comes from a good place and i’ll never think they’re in the wrong for wanting something more Prelude 10:35 pm and also none of them can BELIEVE that they’ve all been keeping these sorts of secrets with varying degrees of success Kate 10:35 pm i did laundry today and i missed one half of 6 pairs of socks lol Prelude 10:35 pm hahaha Kate 10:35 pm right!?!?!?! Prelude 10:35 pm skillz Kate 10:36 pm like, the kayo/virgil one is kind of mind blowing based on sheer length and thought that goes into it and keeping sage safe Prelude 10:36 pm oh yeah Kate 10:36 pm and secret like shit Prelude 10:36 pm they’re both just like I think they almost get more satisfaction out of the secrecy of it than any other aspect Kate 10:36 pm it’s kind of daunting lol Prelude 10:36 pm Like the sex is fine and great and whatever But what’s almost more fun is that they’ve gotten away with it for so long they’re both kind of competitive and they work really well together as a team and Virgil likes getting one over on his brothers and Kayo feels incomplete if she’s not keeping SOMETHING secret like it probably started up shortly after they found out about her uncle like Kate 10:37 pm oooh Prelude 10:37 pm if that’s the way the context of their relationship changes like that whole sort of “well, at least now it’s easier not to feel like we’re the only family you have” Kate 10:38 pm oooh yes yes yes dude there is so much to explore Prelude 10:38 pm I knoooooow Kate 10:38 pm also like how the hell do they keep quiet? in the literal sense Prelude 10:38 pm it’s a big island Kate 10:38 pm on an island eh true i bet they have A Place Prelude 10:39 pm little huts on the beach TB2 is Pretty Big Kate 10:39 pm but also like, if something really tough happens, do they sometimes just NEED tht touch, that reassurance i think they got the best end of the stick Prelude 10:39 pm (hahaha Gordon: “IN THE CO PILOT’S SEAT. I SIT THERE.”) Kate 10:39 pm they’re both right there HAHAHAHAHAH hahhahaha i love it so much Prelude 10:40 pm “ALAN’S SAT THERE.” “YOU’VE TAINTED OUR BABY BROTHER.” Kate 10:40 pm i don’t understand how my laundry piles up so quickly HAHAHAHAHAHA gordon questioning literally everywhre Prelude 10:41 pm “in MY POOL.” “DRAIN THE POOL.” Kate 10:41 pm hhHAHAHAHA this is my favorite part of that relationship everyone else finding out and gordon with his insults SO ENTERTAINING and i wonder if virgil keeping that sort of secret, in light of gordon seeking him out for a similar type of secret, would lead to some hurt feelings or if he’d be like, i gotchya bro Prelude 10:42 pm oh man i think the thing with Virgil is that like everybody trusts him but he also tells Kayo everything Because couples just do that. Kate 10:42 pm right, which she even told gordon LOL Prelude 10:43 pm exactly and so the thing with Virgil is going to be less that he kept his own secret and more that he didn’t keep anyone else’s. Kate 10:43 pm and like, even if they’re calling it ‘just a thing’ if it’s been a year and a half, like, they’re invested Prelude 10:43 pm oh yeah no, more than either of them realize Kate 10:44 pm that’s the shit i am 100% here for gawd i’m a total slut for that shit Prelude 10:45 pm ehehehe man and like the idea that maybe the secrecy was the only thing that kept them going Kate 10:45 pm also like, friends with benefits is great in theory but i really think it’s more of a short term thing Prelude 10:45 pm I think he’d probably try to argue that they haven’t ever been that. they’re definitely more than friends Kate 10:45 pm and when you don’t see them super often Prelude 10:46 pm like, her being really vulnerable to people knowing something so personal about her Kate 10:46 pm yes yes i think so too that’s a super vulnerable position to be in to even open yourself up to someone that much and put that kind of trust in them Prelude 10:46 pm and him being like “we’re still your family, you can still trust us” “nothing’s going to change about the way they feel about you” and her being like “literally everything will change about the way they feel about me.” Kate 10:47 pm right and more than friends i think has a really high probability of leading to more over time i think it was bound to happen Prelude 10:47 pm yeah, entirely Kate 10:47 pm they’re both right Prelude 10:47 pm I think the best place she could get to by the end of it would be “willing to try with a high hope of success” Kate 10:47 pm but like not in the way they expect, i think Prelude 10:47 pm yeah for sure Kate 10:47 pm i mean, this is just me thinking about it obvs Prelude 10:48 pm no totally, I need thinking about it Kate 10:48 pm also, i had a friends with benefits thing that turned into something more and it was a fucking mess so Prelude 10:48 pm Ooh see like Kate 10:48 pm that kind of impacts, for me, the way i see this playing out Prelude 10:48 pm the thing with me Kate 10:48 pm also Prelude 10:48 pm is that i have been in one (1) relationship Kate 10:48 pm why i am so attached to this idea of v/k and it just happened to be with virgil Prelude 10:48 pm and it has lasted for 14 years and we have a kid Kate 10:48 pm but like, the relationship itself is what got me hooked right, which by the way is fucking amazing!!! Prelude 10:49 pm hahaha thank you we got very lucky Kate 10:49 pm from my experience, and that that friends have had, it’s never easy, and it’s rarely clean Prelude 10:49 pm entirely Kate 10:49 pm even if the agreement is made at the beginning that it’s a ‘whatever will happen’ feelings change damn, memories lol you did get very lucky i think, i am also at the age, the ripe old age of 28, where these things are making a much larger impact on me like, the idea of finding someone or something as the next step 28 is a Year, man Prelude 10:51 pm oh yeah what the hell you’re only 28 you baby you infant Prelude 10:53 pm I’m 29, and I’m going to be 30 so I can say these things Kate 10:53 pm i was about to sya i am pretty sure you are not much older than me lololol Prelude 10:53 pm no, i am not but like I think that’s where Scott’s at I think he had a FWB thing with Jane but it turned into “well, now you’re the person I want to talk to at the end of every day” “even if you’re on the other side of the world” “and even if this is the least physical relationship I’ve ever had” “And usually I rely on that more than I rely on the other thing” Prelude 10:56 pm I think Scott’s been waiting for his moment for like this big reveal and whatever and he thinks that “I have a secret girlfriend and today is our six month anniversary” is going to be a big deal but possibly Gordon swipes that out from under him with “I got Penelope pregnant.” Kate 10:57 pm yes yes, that was one of my first thoughts, actually i feel like, scott’s secret is actually the last on the OH SHIT reveal list like, in order: Prelude 10:58 pm oh yeah Kate 10:58 pm 1: pregnant 2: 1.5 years sneaking around IN THE SAME HOUSE 3: 6 month relationship, not so physical Prelude 10:58 pm but like! the shame of it is, Scott’s so damn proud of himself because I think they started out as like Kate 10:58 pm right!! Prelude 10:59 pm she was just someone he’d bootycall occasionally and then it just got to be more Kate 10:59 pm and it’s good for him to have found that anchor Prelude 10:59 pm and his relationships don’t usually get to the “more” stage I think that was the mistake he made in highschool Kate 10:59 pm it is all very exciting Prelude 10:59 pm like he was seventeen and ready to marry this stupid girl Kate 10:59 pm but even with him, there are more complications Prelude 10:59 pm and her parents were like “NOPE.” Kate 10:59 pm b/c they do not live near each other so as far as more goes that can be hard, i’d imagine! Prelude 10:59 pm yeah, entirely I mean, I did the LDR thing for a few years with the husband Kate 11:00 pm dude and he (scott) totally would have Prelude 11:00 pm entirely he was young and stupid and he thought he was in love it would’ve been a dISASTER though Kate 11:00 pm aww poor scott lol yeah he wouldn’t be where he is! Prelude 11:01 pm no! Kate 11:01 pm and like the dynamics of the entire family would have changed!!! Prelude 11:01 pm and he would’ve had a horrible marriage that lasted a terribly short time and would’ve ended in a messy divorce because he cares way too much like, the way it worked out is still the best way it could’ve worked out but like, he also got a vasectomy as soon as it was reasonably possible (aaaaugh but also Grandma and Gordon sitting side by side at the edge of the pool, and he is just DEVASTATED.) (because Scott came down on him so hard, and even in spite of everything there’s this tiny tiny tiny little part of him that wants to be excited) (that thinks this is new and amazing and wonderful and maybe it means something) (and maybe it could be okay) (but like, Scott pulled the roof down on his head and made him feel like a bad person) (for something that was a mistake/accident) Kate 11:04 pm yesssss yes i see all of that Prelude 11:04 pm (and grandma being like “you know, you remind me very much of your brother and very much of your father right now, because I have been right here with both of them, and Scott was the cause of one of those situations and the result of the other. so don’t worry kiddo. it all works out.”) ('i’m going to have a very very pretty great grandbaby. those creighton-wards have some excellent genes.”) Kate 11:05 pm hahaa yes Prelude 11:05 pm (“and don’t tell your brothers, but you’re the cute one.”) Kate 11:05 pm i do love grandma tracy HA HAHA Prelude 11:05 pm (“best possible baby. let me get my phone, let’s look at your baby pictures.”) Kate 11:06 pm hahaha yes the comedic relief that is very much needed Prelude 11:07 pm For sure Kate 11:07 pm but also proof that things will be okay or that they can be okay that it can work out

[junionigiri]

Boom Clap [bnha: vigilantes one shot]

Story Summary: Haimawari Koichi is quite content spending New Year's Eve alone in his run-down rooftop apartment, but Iida Tensei has other plans.

Relationship: Haimawari Koichi/Iida Tensei

Rating: T

Warnings/Notes: haha wtf is a  warm-up drabble anyways. this isn’t edited but whatever. gonna go back to my other AU in a bit. Happy new year everyone :)

31 December 20XX, 2154H

Haimawari Koichi watches the night sky alone.

He has cans of beer, one of them already open and half-empty in his hand. His phone is out, but apart from taking piss-poor quality photos of the stray fireworks already colouring the night sky in vivid oranges and greens and pinks, it is glaringly quiet. Almost… annoyingly so. But he can’t complain.

Pop is finally spending time with her family and not with some college-aged vigilante, as proper middle school girls ought to. Makoto-senpai is with her older brother too--she managed to pressure him into going home to see their parents after so long.

His college friends wouldn’t step near here, for obvious reasons. And the kinda-friends he’s met as a vigilante… well, Koichi’s kind of dense, but even he understands that inviting Eraserhead for a beer here isn’t the most genius idea.

Knuckleduster… well who knows where he really is right now. Koichi only hopes that he’s alive wherever he is. He doesn’t have a lot of chances to say that he misses that insane master of his, not even to himself.

And… that’s the extent of his friends, he realizes. Those close enough that he can theoretically ask to spend some time with him on his little rooftop in the city, at least.

That’s… kind of sad. But he tries not to think about that too much.

There’s no one else here.

It’s not so bad, he supposes. Life as a college student by day, a vigilante by night isn’t exactly the most quiet. He made up a stupid University-related excuse not to go home to Mom’s because villains don’t take the holidays off (and also he prefers meeting the new year without being slapped silly like a fly). So he should really enjoy the quiet, while he can.

Another stray firework explodes above his head. He tries to capture it on camera, for what it’s worth. As expected, it looks shitty, exactly what you get from a flip-phone camera.

He deletes it.

It’s quiet. A breeze blows by, cold and biting, but his All Might hoodie keeps him warm.

It’s the perfect time for a villain to strike. If he were a villain, he’d strike now.

He looks at the streets below his complex. Come on. Somebody? Anybody?

Nope. Nada. He sighs, and looks up the sky again. Maybe he should patrol, or something? Ah, but during holidays like this, the younger heroes are out and about, on higher alert than on a normal day. If he ran into any of them, he might just be the one to get arrested. Not the best thing to happen to greet the new year.

His phone rings like a bell, startling him. “Ah--”

He flips his phone open. A single message, a short one, but just enough to make his heart flutter.

Tensei Iida (2201H): Happy New Year to you and your family! Here’s hoping that the incoming year is prosperous! Let’s work hard together! - Turbo Hero Ingenium

He’s two hours too early for the generic new year’s greeting texts, isn’t he? He must have thought ahead and sent the message before the signals got congested. Figures that the Turbo Hero is ahead of everyone, even new year’s texts.

Still… Koichi’s smiling a little too wide just receiving a generic greeting. Ah, frickin’ stupid, really--

Their chat thread isn’t exactly brimming with messages, either. In fact, this is the first message in their log. They exchanged numbers ages ago during one of their runs, but there really isn’t a good reason for either of them to send messages to each other. Besides, Koichi thinks that it wouldn’t be good for one of the more popular heroes to be in close contact with an infamous vigilante--who knows when the police might need to check his text records, or something…

Oh… and also, his crippling shyness gets in the way of making a proper human-like text too, let’s not forget about that.

His fingers tap nervously against the keys of his phone, erasing and re-typing and erasing his messages again. Double-thinking whether it’s too eager or too disinterested or just right for him to text now, or in a minute, or in an hour--

What is he going to say, anyway? Blessings to you too, please keep watching out for us? Yeah, let’s work hard together, you on the legal side and me on the dark shady criminal side? Yeah man I can’t wait til we run again, please wear tighter jogging shorts this year hehe jk lol. Oh, wait, is this the appropriate time to confess his crazy gay crush yet? With any luck, the moment Tensei reads it, there’s fireworks in the sky, boom boom and then--

Koichi, no. Just. No.

He inhales, and lets his thumbs fly over the keypad. Happy New Year, he starts out in Japanese, ending with a :) .

Too plain. He deletes that.

Happy New Year, he writes, in English this time. There, that’s not too plain, that might be something that Tensei will at least be a lil bit amused to read. Right. He thinks about it a little more, and adds another :) .

Well. That won’t make any hearts throb. That’s… seenzoned material, that’s not really-- yeah, that’s really boring, even for a generic new year’s greeting that he’s spent a lot of thought on.

A generic new year’s greeting that he’s spent five… ten… fifteen minutes composing already. What the fuck, Koichi. Just say something, anything, just fill up the screen with some shitty fireworks kaomoji and blame it on Pop if he asks about it.

He takes a deep breath. Okay, so… the past year he’s gotten away a lot with being a little more impulsive, right? So just… say what you want, and just let things happen. Most likely nothing will happen, so.

Me: Happy New Year! Thanks for all your help this year. Hope you and your family are doing well, ‘specially Tenya. If you’re patrolling, I hope you don’t run into anyone too dangerous lol~

Before he berates himself for sounding stupid, he presses send. It gets delivered at 2218H.

Okay. Well that isn’t so bad. But the cutesy ~ makes him cringe.

He shuts his phone with a satisfying snap and takes a sip of his beer. Ugh, his face is getting warm, this beer isn’t cold enough! Come on, isn’t it supposed to be winter, where are the bitter biting winds when you need them?

No cold wind comes, only another message. He almost tosses his phone over the side of the building the moment his phone chimes again.

He takes a deep breath, flips his phone open and reads:

Tensei Iida (2221H): Thanks, Haimawari-kun! Tenya’s doing well, he’s with our grandparents outside the city. Just about to finish my shift now tho, so obviously I won’t be celebrating with everyone ^_^’ Are you patrolling too? Try not to get caught, okay?

Ahhh ahhh a real reply ahhhhhhh a blessed smiley from Ingenium, ahhh. He needs to go in and put his head in the freezer.

But he doesn’t--Tensei replied to him really fast, so surely it’s polite to reply to him really fast too. I mean it’s the polite thing to do. A guy on patrol in a quiet city has the means to reply fast, so he should return the favor.

Trying to will his heart not to go doki doki much like a shoujo manga heroine, he struggles to type, Oh, im not lmao theres a lot of you out there and i dont want to spend the new year in prison.

Tensei Iida (2224H): You’re right! That’s a relief. I don’t want to go to Tartarus just so we can go jogging together! ;) Tensei Iida (2224H): so are you with your folks? Out of town?

The winky face, and the implication that Tensei would visit him in maximum security prison should the opportunity arises almost kills him on the spot. Koichi suppresses another urge to roll over the cement tiles of the rooftop and manages to reply:

Me (2226H): nah. naruhata Tensei Iida (2327H): oh. In the university dorm, by yourself? Me (2228H): haha no lmao i dont live in the university. i live up on the roof in that one rundown apartment two blocks away cant miss it Me (2229H): but yeah by myself Tensei Iida (2331H): !!! on new years eve? Me (2232H): yeah? Tensei Iida (2335H): Oh! Well, that’s not good... Me (2236H): lmao do u feel that sorry for me Tensei Iida (2337H): It’s not that! Sorry hahahaha Me (2238H): its ok haha

Well, that’s a little awkward. Koichi doesn’t know what to say next, and when the minutes pass by, the speedy replies suddenly stops. He tries to type out another reply to tell him to change the subject but he has no clue how to proceed.

And then, the minutes pass in silence. There are more fireworks rising in the skies now, building up a crescendo for the bigger ones scheduled for midnight. They’re really pretty, but Koichi’s guts are in turmoil, giddiness making them churn in one direction, and pure anxiety in the opposite direction.

Fifteen minutes later, to his surprise, his phone chimes again.

Tensei Iida (2253H): 16th st apartment complex?

A firework goes boom behind his head. Koichi blinks. Uh. yeah, he types in dumbly.

Tensei Iida (2254H): Ok. Look down. :D

Koichi stares at the message for another dumb second and almost trips over himself rushing to the edge.

It’s a little hard to see since he’s way down there, but Koichi doesn’t miss the shiny silver and blue of Ingenium’s mecha-inspired hero suit. He’s waving up at him, and Koichi hopes that he sees him waving back.

He’s prepared to turn on his heel and run down to meet him, but he sees Tensei hold his hand up, in a gesture for him to stay right where he is. Koichi tilts his head curiously, raises both arms in a confused shrug.

He’s far away, but Koichi sees him give his trademark grin. He goes five steps backwards…

And Recipro-bursts his way up the side of the building.

“Holy sh--”

It’s less than half a minute when Ingenium makes it up and over the ledge. Smoke rises from the engines of his arms and it’s really concerning, but the way the Turbo Hero is just smiling at him with a salute, like he’s in a mission to rescue him from the burning building of his heart just... makes him melt in a stupid puddle without any sense of comprehension.

“Hey there, Crawler,” Tensei says, stepping closer to him.

“Hey,” Koichi stammers out. “Um… that was neat and all, but you know we have an elevator, so--”

The pro laughs. “Yeah, but elevators are pretty slow, and I wanted to see you faster than they would allow me.”

Anyone who is interested is free to canvass Koichi’s corpse of its vital organs. Just. Say the word.

“Yeah, you were… pretty fast, haha.” His voice catches like he’s still in puberty. He clears his throat. “I didn’t know you could run up the sides of buildings. That’s pretty insane.”

“Yeah, I didn’t know I could too.”

“Uh.”

Tensei collapses on the floor, legs crossed and arms waving in front of him like they’re boneless. “You wouldn’t happen to have any juice there, would you? My arms are feeling pretty wobbly, and--”

Aaaah wtf! “Y-yeah, hang on a sec, Iida--”

Koichi glides in his apartment in the speed of light and rummages through the scanty contents of his fridge. He has to dig a bit to find the stock of grapefruit juice at the back.

(Since that incident with the Catbus, he buys a stock of them on impulse and carries a bottle with him during patrols. In the tiny chance that he runs into Tensei and he needs extra fuel, he’s frickin’ ready. And if he doesn’t, well… grapefruit juice doesn’t taste that bad, so…)

He’s back to Tensei in record time. He tosses the bottle to him, and the pro chugs it down gratefully. He instantly looks refreshed at the last gulp, puts down the bottle with an aahhh and only grins at Koichi’s distress.

“What the heck, Iida! You haven’t done anything like that before?!”

He laughs awkwardly. “I’ve run up two storeys before, but--”

Koichi’s apartment complex is, like, ten storeys high. “Y-you could have gone splat or kaboom on the way up here, man! You could have been a really bloody human firework!”

Tensei shrugs. “I didn’t though! This tells me a lot about what I can do with my quirk!”

He’s a little too chill for someone who could have fallen ten storeys down onto the dirty Naruhata pavement, Koichi thinks. He gives him an exasperated look and collapses next to him. “Yeah, I guess, but… you didn’t have to do all that just to see me…”

He grins at him again, leans his head closer to his, like he tends to do from time to time. Koichi reckons that it’s because Tensei doesn’t have a good sense of personal space, but all the same it makes his heart throb painfully in his chest. “I felt like I did. Let me show off from time to time, Haimawari-kun.”

Ahh you cheesy bastard, Tensei, you bleeding show-off. It’s a good thing it’s so dark, because he’s sure he’s a cherry tomato by that time, and he can’t blame it on the half-empty can of beer next to him. “Hah! Sure, do that… I’d show off my new moves to you too if I could. You’re lucky I can’t, you’d feel like a total slowpoke hahaha--”

What the fuck is he saying, he doesn’t know anymore. This back-and-forth shit-talking thing (Makoto insists that it’s flirting, but Koichi disagrees because hah why would Iida Tensei flirt with a guy like him?) is more natural when they’re running out the streets and out of breath from trying to outdo each other. Without the excuse of physical exhaustion to explain away his stammering, Koichi’s a little worried of how brainless he might have sounded then.

Tensei only looks more and more amused, and doesn’t get any less close. “I dunno about that, Crawler. Been a while since we had a real race.”

“Heh, you’re right.” Koichi has been more careful using his quirk in public, out of disguise. He doesn’t wear his All Might hoodies when he’s around Tensei, unless by accident.

A silence falls between them, a slightly uncomfortable one where Koichi is hyperaware of the steadily increasing proximity between them, of the alcohol in his veins, of his rushing pulse. Trying to distract himself, he reaches out for an unopened can of beer and offers this to Tensei, who accepts.

He pulls the tab off the cheap, lukewarm thing, tilts it close to his. “Cheers.”

Koichi nods. “Cheers.”

They take a swig in unison. Fireworks explode above them, spurts of colors in the sky. The shine of the lights above do something interesting over the steel of Tensei’s suit.

“Hey, so… if you want to take your suit off--”

“Hm?” Tensei looks down on himself. “You want me to strip down? I usually expect dinner first, but for you--”

“That’s not what I--” Koichi stammers, as he flushes in an ever deeper scarlet that he doesn’t think is even possible. Ah, how drunk is he, huh? How Asian is he that he would turn this red, just from drinking this teensy amount of beer?

He takes off the metal plates more carelessly than Koichi reckons he should be handling them, and lets them down on the floor next to him with a sound. Tensei looks grateful for the extra breathing space as he leans back to appreciate the growing noise and lights above them. “This is an awesome spot, Koichi. The view’s great from up here, huh?”

“Yeah, you know it.”

(And the younger boy leans back, away from him, and tries not to appreciate how Tensei looks in just that tight black bodysuit thing he has underneath. Lean, broad, muscly, like a Greek god, and...)

A few quiet moments pass by. Tensei finishes a can. Koichi works on his third one and he doesn’t know why he’s suddenly drinking so fast. He coughs a little to clear up his suddenly tight throat. “So it’s weird because you almost died going up here, but thanks for coming up here, I guess… it’s pretty cool being up here, by myself--”

Perfectly content, and lonely, and quite possibly drunk by himself by this time, but not as drunk as he feels right there next to him--

“--but it’s cool not… looking at all the pretty lights by myself this time,” he struggles out. Stupid, really, he isn’t even looking at the fireworks anymore, just the beer can under his nose, like he’s reading tea leaves and begging for some clarity.

“Yeah. I’m glad I invited myself up here, too,” Tensei says gently. “I’m shameless I know, but knowing you’re alone up here, I couldn’t help myself--”

Koichi laughs nervously. “Yeah, you are pretty--”

When he turns his head, Tensei’s nose is two centimeters away from his. His eyes are looking right into his, freezing him in place.

“... pretty,” he swallows, already lost. “... shameless.”

Tensei makes a sound in his throat, so quiet that he can’t hear it among the sounds of explosions, but he’s so close he feels the hit, like he Shooty-Go-Blammed himself in the chest. He might be agreeing or disagreeing but fuck whatever they were talking about, Koichi can’t remember why the small talk matters anymore.

Tensei puts one gloved hand underneath his chin, a lackadaisical grin on his face showing off that sharp incisor that Koichi thinks is very cute. “Pretty,” he agrees.

He feels the change in the air, feels the charge spark in between them, through his eyeballs and his little brain.

They lean in closer. Eyes flutter closed. Koichi’s heart is beating fast and hot and electric.

Lips touch.

Explosions go off in his brain.

Ahhh, Koichi screams in his head, as the sensation of Tensei’s insanely soft lips on his beery virgin ones immediately makes him question reality. One hand goes up to experimentally touch the back of the older man’s head, fingers threading through that soft, dark hair. He pushes a little, nudges him just a little closer to him. The minuscule distance between them practically disappears.

“Ahhh--” This time his mental scream is an audible gasp when Tensei pushes him down on the concrete, supporting his head and back with gloved hands, and continues the kissing with Koichi underneath him.

Sparks of light litter the night air, like violent blooming flowers against the infinite canopy of darkness, in booms and kablooeys and claps and other ridiculous noises. Koichi doesn’t care to wax poetic about them, not when his heart is probably doing the same shit, with Tensei and his warmth is right there above him, feeling so nice and right.

Yeah, he belongs right here, right in his arms. What the hell has he done all year, the blur that is his 19 years of life, before this?

Eventually they have to break the kiss to get some of that chill air between their lungs. They gasp in unison, a dashing smile on Tensei’s face, and a dopey smile on Koichi’s. The older man caresses the side of his face. “Haimawari-kun,” he says gently.

“Yeah? Ah, it’s Koichi, by the way.”

Tensei nods. “Koichi-kun,” he repeats.

That right there is the stuff of dreams. Koichi feels like he’s overheating, despite the winter night. “Hah, is it new years yet, Iida? We should be counting down, or something--”

He gets another sweet kiss on the lips instead. Moments stretch before him. The concrete under him feels like the softest cloud as he allows himself to melt under his touch once again.

“It’s Tensei,” he breathes sensually into his ear. “And… honestly, I don’t care about the time, Koichi, just--”

There’s jovial shouting down at where the city square is, and more light and noise, far away from their rooftop.

“Yeah,” Koichi agrees with a smile. “Fuck that clock.”

They laugh like a couple of idiots, and kiss some more and damn, he could do with more of this in the coming years.

Soon, it’s January. The air is getting a little colder. They spend the rest of the first day of the new year in Koichi’s humble apartment, warmer than either of them could ever hope for.

[yxungblccd]

( ?? ✉ $ ♀✿ ) taren. / katherine. - ( ツ & # @ ✆ ) rae. / adam. ) !!!~!

a SUGGESTIVE text.

{ to katherine → 12.13am } you know i’m watching you, right? { to katherine → 12.14am } if i didn’t know any better – which just so happens, that i don’t – i would say you’re trying to make me jealous with that lanky guy’s hands all over you{ to katherine → 12.14am } you reckon it works? { to katherine → 12.14am } or does it only make you miss mine? { to katherine → 12.16am } think about it !! how much better mine felt, my body against yours, your hips grinding into mine. how much rather you would have my lips all over you again instead of that guy’s frog fingers. can you imagine how clumsy he’d be in bed? { to katherine → 12.16am } i can tell you the end of that without needing the book and spoiler alert, it’s more disappointing than it is satisfying{ to katherine → 12.17am }a single glance, kat. look over, just once, and i’ll get you right out of there, right out of here too if you’d like

a DRUNK text.

{ to katherine 💕 → 3.21am } yure fckn annoyin u know that? always hvae to be right{ to katherine 💕 → 3.22am } and your dumb brothre s too much of a cwoward to step up to his own dad nad stay whree he fucking wants to !! m glad he’s gone, weakling{ to katherine 💕 → 3.26am } i jus dn’t fcking get it{ to katherine 💕 → 3.26am } how can you wnat to know the end? { to katherine 💕 → 3.26am } how can you want to lsoe contorl? { to katherine 💕 → 3.27am } waht if you knew you’d drown? would fihgitng ti even mattre? { to katherine 💕 → 3.27am } i hate losing{ to katherine 💕 → 3.27am } i never wanna lose anything{ to katherine 💕 → 3.28am } i hate nthan so much

an ACCIDENTAL text.

{ to katherine 💕 → 11.56am } i literally don’t give a single shit what you think about what i’m doing. remind me, who the fuck came up with the idea?! the same pretentious moraliser who’s trying to appeal to my conscience now. if you can’t handle your own choices that’s your fucking problem, not mine. and i swear to whatever fucking god that’s out there, if i catch you trying to make it mine, you have way bigger problems than not getting a wink of sleep at night. you’ll never want to close a single eye again because i will be there to make sure you’re never opening it again{ to katherine 💕 → 11.59am } and that was not meant for you{ to katherine 💕 → 11.59am } before you ask: no i am not in trouble. it’s not even worth talking about

a text that WASN’T SENT.

{ to katherine 💔 → no signal. send again? } i meant to tell you. i know it won’t make it any better but i genuinely meant to tell you about the dare and how it stopped mattering, how you started to matter instead{ to katherine 💔 → no signal. send again? } but how was i supposed to?  by the time i realised i should tell you, you already were more than nate’s little sister, more than i expected you to become, more than i planned for you to become{ to katherine 💔 → no signal. send again? } i couldn’t risk it. i couldn’t risk losing you{ to katherine 💔 → no signal. send again? } and now i fucking lost you.{ to katherine 💔 → no signal. send again? }that’s the hysterical part, isn’t it? i fucking lost you still and i don’t know how to deal with that. i don’t even know what to do next. can i even do anything? { to katherine 💔 → no signal. send again? } i’m sorry, kat. i’m so fucking sorry that i needed a dumb dare to actually recognise you, needed a brainless idiot i call friend to tell you the truth, needed your brother to slap some sense into me to realise it had long stopped being a dare. i’m sorry that i need you, kat, that i need you to have loved me so much, even if just for a while, that i wouldn’t do anything different if i had the chance, that i need you still and that none of this is going to be good enough to fix it{ to katherine 💔 → no signal. send again? } so let me ruin it

a HEARTBREAKING text.

{ to katherine 💔 → 6.48pm } i don’t know what you want me to tell you !! that you were different?! that there was more between us than sex? i know you believed that but ‘ believe ‘ is the fucking keyword here !! there just W A S N ’ T !! not from my side, anyway, and honestly, blame yourself for being stupid enough to fall for me{ to katherine 💔 → 6.51pm } you’re a great fuck and always were so eager to get me off. i didn’t plan on taking advantage of you beyond the dare, but you really think i would pass on that opportunity? A place to stay, someone who takes care of me and fantastic sex and all i had to do was pretend{ to white lace → 07.06pm } honestly, it’s fucking adorable that you thought i could change, that you could change me, but i haven’t, and lbr i’ll never change. you’re just another meaningless lie notched in my bedpost{ to white lace → 07.06pm } line* { to white lace → 07.07pm } i’ll happily give you the connections to the sad girls club of broken hearts i left behind, and you know, if you ever get over it and wanna have sex again, you can always call me ;) if not have a nice life or whatever, i don’t really care tbh

a LOVING text.

{ to adam 💋 → 8.21am } i know there’s like an unspoken rule which says not to read articles about yourself, but i saw the one about us and it made me think. it’s weird to be dragged into a world so different to mine. i never thought i would have to worry about being followed by photographers and what insane stories tabloids might try to involve my name or even just my face in. the backlash? the comments i saw? it’s kind of terrifying{ to adam 💋 → 8.21am } but i imagine it’s probably even scarier to be the one inviting me in{ to adam 💋 → 8.23am } i just want to make sure you know i don’t want to be the mysterious redhead by your side. it’s you i care about. it’s always been you. not whatever happens around you and how it could effect me. i like you, like really like you and i just want you to know that you don’t have to be wary around me. it’s probably not easy to do that, considering you and everyone around you seems to watch your every step, but. i don’t know. i wanted to at least tell you, i’m in it for the adam i know, all of him, not only the part of you that gets to be famous{ to adam 💋 → 8.33am } tho, i’ll be honest, it’s pretty sweet that that tall as a skyscraper bodyguard of yours can carry me on his shoulder like i weigh nothing :P

an EXCITED text.

{ to adam 💋 → 9.01pm } GUESS WHERE I AM !! { to adam 💋 → 9.08pm } i know you probably don’t have time to answer, but i’m hoping frank reads them out loud for you while someone paints your face pretty{ to adam 💋 → 9.08pm } prettier* —  you know what i mean, don’t @ me :P{ to adam 💋 → 9.09pm } but back to guessing !! { to adam 💋 → 9.09pm } three hints: third block, second row, somewhere in the middle{ to adam 💋 → 9.11pm } i’ve fact-checked, i’m the only one with red hair in the whole block; what a surprise !! ( frank read this with a bitter undertone now, please and thank you ) NOT. and yeah, blah blah, i know, you’re probably not going to see me but i’m here for emotional support ♥{ to adam 💋 → 9.11pm } maybe for a lil something more after the show if you’ve a couple of minutes to spare ;)

a SCARED text.

{ to adam 💋 → 4.02pm – undelivered. } i need to tell you sth{ to adam 💋 → 4.03pm – undelivered. } please call me as soon as possible{ to adam 💋 → 5.31pm – undelivered. } i tried reaching you through your management but frank won’t let me get to you. i don’t know why. i don’t know if you told him to shut me out but please, adam, it’s important{ to adam 💋 → 5.31pm – undelivered. } i need to tell you in person too{ to adam 💋 → 8.17pm – undelivered. } it’s okay, i promise, it’s okay if you don’t want me around anymore but you deserve to know{ to adam 💋 → 11.56pm – undelivered. } did he tell you? please just message me whether you know{ to adam 💋 → 2.43am – undelivered. } i don’t know what to do { to adam 💋 → 2.43am – undelivered. } are you even getting these? { to adam 💋 → 2.43am – undelivered. } did you block me? { to adam 💋 → 2.44am – undelivered. } please just give me some kind of answer{ to adam 💋 → 3.12am – undelivered. } i need you — and i don’t mean your money, you can keep that !! i won’t even ask for aliment if you’ll only give me five minutes of your time. { to adam 💋 → 3.12am – undelivered. } one minute? i’ll take a single hug if that’s all i can get{ to adam 💋 → 10.09am – undelivered. } he keeps telling me you don’t care, but that’s not the truth, is it? it cannot be the truth. you didn’t lie to me, i know you didn’t{ to adam 💋 → 2.13pm – undelivered. } did you?

a RANDOM text.

{ to babydaddy 👶💋 → 1.32pm } have you told your mom? { to babydaddy 👶💋 → 1.33pm } you are going to tell her, right? { to babydaddy 👶💋 → 1.35pm } maybe it’s pregnancy paranoia but i could swear someone just took a picture of me. i’m not showing, i don’t even think anyone would recognise me but what if they did and what if i’m showing just enough to know i’m hiding something that isn’t there yet? { to babydaddy 👶💋 → 1.35pm }  she can’t find out she’s having a grandchild via a newspaper{ to babydaddy 👶💋 → 1.39pm } adam, please and i mean it, if you haven’t told her yet, please lie to me !! it’s making me tear up to think she might find out because i didn’t pay attention to someone taking a random picture of me and i refuse to let these mood-swinging hormones make me burst into tears in the grocery store

another EXCITED text.

{ to babydaddy 👶💋 → 2.14pm } I NEED YOU TO COME OVER RIGHT ABOUT NOW !!{ to babydaddy 👶💋 → 2.14pm } YOU’LL NEVER GUESS WHAT HAPPENED !!{ to babydaddy 👶💋 → 2.15pm } GO ON, TRY TO GUESS !!{ to babydaddy 👶💋 → 2.15pm } SHE’S DANCING !!!!!{ to babydaddy 👶💋 → 2.15pm } ok, i didn’t give you much time to guess BUT !! i felt her kick me. your song came on the radio and i swear she started dancing. she probably recognised your voice{ to babydaddy 👶💋 → 2.16pm } you need to come sing her something !! { to babydaddy 👶💋 → 2.16pm } you need to feel her move, it’s incredible{ to babydaddy 👶💋 → 2.17pm } she loves you sm 

a MORNING text.

{ to babydaddy 👶💋 → 5.52am } i know you want to be there for all the appointments but you were asleep and i didn’t have the heart to wake you for a minor check up at such ( UNGODLY !! ) hour. { to babydaddy 👶💋 → 5.52am } maybe we can sneak back in bed before you wake up{ to babydaddy 👶💋 → 5.54am } if not i’ll bring breakfast we can at least have in bed !! i’m craving caramel chocolate waffles and apple cinnamon muffins. maybe with ice cream? i think we still have ice cream, and i’ll get chips to put on top !! and some smoothies, the sweet and fruity ones obviously { to babydaddy 👶💋 → 5.54am } you want something as well? jk :P { to babydaddy 👶💋 → 6.02am } good morning btw..?! the baby and i love you ♥