#but tbh i think my brand is hating the men of everything i watch so like is this a surprise ghsjfhgjfh

[elizabeth-mitchells]

I need to know the beef with Travis!

mutuals who like travis... look away please <3

WELL! everything started as soon as i saw him... hsgkdfhgsjfh i mean, good for everyone that likes him and is making thoughtful analysis and everything but **I** very personally think that he's completely innecessary and i would've liked my show about only the girls in the wilderness

also i am a hater and i'm unforgiving and he treated nat (and everyone else tbh) like shit 90% of the time except for like two (2) moments near the end of s2???? fuck that. i'd give examples and details of the moments that bothered me the most but i honestly try to avoid thinking about him hgsjdfhgjfh when i rewatch the show i skip most of his scenes <3

[silverzoomies]

It's not really a question, but an idea popped into my head, I watched Days of Future Past recently, imagine a student from the future, for some reason (a power I don't know) manages to go back in time and become best friends with her favorite teacher when he was younger (Peter obviously!) I don't know if anything can come out of this, but in my head the idea was brilliant lol ����

I’ve been meaning to respond to this ask !! I thought it was absolutely delightful !!

Days of Future Past is so cozy to me. There’s just something about the way the time period is presented - with all those lovable characters - that makes it feel so genuine and fun. I’m a goofball with a childlike imagination. Nothing is more comforting to me than imagining being there tbh. As silly as it sounds.

This concept absolutely warms my heart, since it fulfills that silly dream.

Anyway, I have some thoughts under the cut !!

Peter Maximoff headcanons - Student reader goes back in time and meets their favorite, speedster teacher in his teen years!

We know Peter eventually becomes a teacher in canon. I’m not really sure what he teaches, since they never really clarified. But there’s no doubt in my mind he’d be great at his job.

Mr. Maximoff is definitely a more laid back kinda teacher

I do imagine he’s the type to playfully mess with any students who act out of line. I’ve had teachers like that before in the past. The ones who take no shit and lightheartedly tease students. That’s absolutely on brand for Peter

I also get the vibe he’d be so “how do you do fellow kids” about everything

And the students would think he’s cool anyway. I mean, he’s fast. He loves cool music - and probably some really cool movies/shows/games too!

I imagine he’d deck out his classroom/office in all kinds of pop culture memorabilia. Very similar to the way he decorated his basement back when he lived at his mom's

Reader as a mutant student would be no different than the other kids. Y’all know you’d think he was the coolest teacher there ever was. Some of you might even look up to him! And maybe also develop a harmless crush. He is handsome, after all.

Imagine your surprise - after you’ve gone back in time for mission with some of the X-Men. It’s part of your training. You never thought you’d get the chance to time travel, of all things. Or, if we're following DoFP canon; maybe you went back in time with Logan? You're one of the last surviving mutants, and your mutation is useful somehow. It could go either way!

But Mr. Maximoff is there in the past. Only, he’s seventeen, acting on impulse, and being a playful nuisance.

He thinks you’re weird as hell. You totally bizarre, future kid. But you’re also pretty alright...since you think he's so cool 'n all. Most people just think he's a freak. And hey, you're a mutant like him! He doesn't know a lot of mutants yet!

And how the heck are you from the future - but you somehow know all the bands he likes, the movies he’s into, the shows he watches, even the games he plays??

Spoiler alert - it’s because Mr. Maximoff has a tendency to show off all his favorite things in class. Dude can’t go a single day without referencing Galaga, or Star Wars, or David Bowie, or whatever else

If you’re allowed to disclose any info about the future, you’ll probably tell him he gets a teaching job. Not only that, but the kids all love him

To which he responds with a - tsh, yeah. Right.

Why would he ever become a teacher?? He hates school! He can’t ever focus in class! His grades are the worst, and he bombs every test! C’mon…no way! What’re you tryin’ to pull his leg???

Y-You’re pulling his leg, right?

It’d be dope if you got the chance to hang out with him for a little bit. You could follow him around while he got into his usual, kleptomaniac shenanigans

Y’all would definitely cause enough trouble to get the cops called on you

Actually, when you find out the local cops know his name by heart - you can't help but do a double take

Mr. Maximoff? The coolest teacher in Westchester? The dude who’s always doggin’ on students for running in the halls? He used to be a lawless rulebreaker? Holy shit!! You almost couldn't wait to return to the future, just to poke fun at him for bein' such a troublemaker in his youth

Honestly, there’s a lot of really fun ideas one could pull from this, anon. I can’t even do it justice. I’d love if anyone else wanted to add their take. My brain has been so broken lately. But thank you for your ask!! I love you dearly!!

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

im so sorry to send you this but im confused. i thought izzy hands was obviously homophobic while i was watching the show but now people on the internet are telling me that calling him gay and homophobic is a conspiracy theory. i want to trust my instincts on this as a queer myself but they say it so much i think im starting to believe it. i know literally none of this matters but its genuinely bumming me out. maybe we all just have slightly different definitions of homophobia?

I would love to answer this for you. Your instincts are correct. Izzy is gay and homophobic. You should trust your gut on this because it's important for you be able to identify guys like Izzy irl if you're someone who might be on the receiving end of homophobia.

What happened is that back in June of 2022 everyone fully agreed that Izzy was one of those repressed gay men who's internalized homophobia rotted his soul and became externalized. We wanted to put him in a jar. We all interested in how this weird little freak got this way. Then everything changed when the canyon formed. Since then it has been a mad dash to beat the allegations. Unfortunately an actor has validated them in a way that makes me really wonder about him frankly, because he seems to be operating under the impression that people are saying that Izzy is a "homo sex is sin" Style homophobe when nobody was saying that, what we were saying is that Izzy is incredibly weird about and hateful towards feminine men and he believes that Stede is corrupting Ed with his foppishness, which is still homophobia it's just a different brand of homophobia than the religious right's obsession with the mechanics.

Tbh tho I don't actually care about that actors' take because he's not a writer, he has a history of not being very good at reading the subtext given that he fully didn't realize it was a gay show for half the episodes, and David Jenkins has liked multiple metas on twt about Izzy being a homophobe so I'll trust that lol. The only consequence that Con O'Neill being publically wrong has had for me is that people occasionally do an unearned victory lap when he says something.

But also I low key sometimes feel incredibly unsafe knowing that there's a substantial group of people who claim to be queer and against homophobia but who can't understand that the whole subplot with Lucius in episode 5 and the thing with Ed in episode 10 is laced with bigotry against feminine gay men. I don't think admitting that means you have to think it's his only motivation or that it's contradictory to the read of him being attracted to Ed and Lucius or with the concept that he's mostly just power hungry, but it does sort of mean that I have to move through the world knowing that there are people in my own community who would fully blame me if something happened to me. I don't fucking like it. That's why I get so upset about this so publicly. It's like so what happens if I get attacked but the guy calls me a namby pamby or a bitch instead of a faggot. Are you gonna be like "well we don't know~". It's just an uncomfortable thought. I don't understand why they're so desperate to beat the allegations either, like he's fake. People who have experienced things like what Ed and Lucius went through at his hands are real. The argument that gay people can "do something to (someone)'s brain" is written into legislation trying to ban trans people from public life. Nobody wants you to stop liking Izzy we just want you to stop saying shit that's harmful

And I don't necessarily think that everyone who chooses to put more emphasis on Izzys obsession with Ed wouldn't be able to identify a hate crime, I just have seen more than one piece of meta that goes "Izzys not homophobic he just thinks Stede is a mincing fop who's corrupting Ed with his frilly whiles there's nothing homophobic about that" and I just have to block them for being homophobic themselves because what else do I do with that? When I vague post about this shit I'm talking about specific ass things that I've seen that have made me feel very uncomfortable and unsafe not generic canyon trends. I just really feel like we need to calm down about Izzy. Like you can feel empathy towards a gay guy that hates himself and write a bunch of fic about him getting laid without deciding actually he did nothing wrong and everyone who can see that that's not true is making shit up to oppress *checks notes* people who like a fictional character. I don't get why that's so hard to do.

[drusic]

you became a fan after the face-reveal?? for some reason i never thought about people joining after - i didn't think there could be dream fans who didn't know him by his mask branding. dream has always just been ... well, faceless. it feels weird that there are people who have only ever known him by his face

and i don't know how you're dealing with the revoked face reveal, but i can promise you, no one from the pre face-reveal era is faring well. it's like we got hooked on crack coccaine when he face revealed, and we're going into withdrawals now

yeah! basically my friend introduced me to him, was not interested in mc content in the slightest, told me about the face reveal and i got curious so i watched it live, thought dream was cute, watched some dnf compilations after my friend explained all the lore, twitchcon happen while i was on vacation and my friend kept me updated on the dnf stuff, this video dropped and i realized i love Big Tall Men, “joined” the fandom (as in, kept up with what he was doing but didn’t watch lots of content yet cause i was busy and a bit scared i was not gonna be into it cause i dont play minecraft - spoiler alert ended up really liking it anyway), drituation happened, was very normal about it, started getting more and more into him/dteam during the summer (december-march for me) and abandoned my old fandom for them. very epic!

anyway. to answer your question… it annoys me to even think about it and i hate that i feel that way cause i don’t think it’s rational so i like to stop and really think why. basically i just don’t see him with the mask on and think it’s dream, it’s just someone with a mask on. there’s one vid of him talking and being very sweet at vidcon that made me go oh that’s my dreamie! and it helped me to actually… connect him with the mask. i guess it’s kinda like how ppl were struggling to connect his voice to his face after he face revealed. also, i saw an anon talking about how seeing him w the mask reminded them that this is Dream, famous minecraft youtuber w over 30 million subs and i thought that was super interesting cause it’s the exact same opposite for me. that’s really why i made that post tbh, was wondering if more ppl felt that way

btw, i was hesitant to say i joined so recently at the beginning because ppl on twitter are v weird about that (like constantly reminding you of everything you’ve missed on, how apparently old smiletwt are the only ones who remember stuff like dream having a collapsed lung like newbies don’t watch old content lmfao) but i’ve seen some anons and even popular blogs like urlwasfound who also joined around that time so it’s not just me! honestly seeing that made me feel more comfy about mentioning it. twitter is kinda… not nice about new fans :)

[manonblaqkbeak]

Sugar, sugar

(genuinely hate coming up with titles lol)

this is just rowaelin being pining idiots, one of my fave tropes for day 11--delayed love confession

just a note, the lifestyle in this fic is more of a background note and doesnt really take centre stage in this fic. it’s one ive been tempted to write for a while tbh but didnt really get around to it until now

cw: very, very light smut (like barely non existent, but just in case), a lil bit of swearing

enjoy! :)

3k words (officially my longest fic, yay!)

Every thought in Aelin's mind was blank. She trudged through her apartment that she shared with Nehemia, absentmindedly kicking off her heels that Rowan purchased for her months ago. Then the light jacket she wore joined the shoes, the fabric was perfectly soft and perfect for the autumn chill.

It was yet another piece of item that Rowan purchased for her. A lot of the things she had know were thanks to Rowan, either from his own wallet or from the biweekly allowance he sent her—a generous allowance that was a thousand times better than her weekly paycheck from the bookstore she'd been working at since she turned twenty-two; her business degree had turned out to be useless and so she turned to the bookstore that had been her stable job for three years.

Aelin barely touched her weekly wage now, it was practically buried underneath the money the Rowan gave her.

Because Rowan Whitethorn, thirty-five and a successful CEO who was well known, was her sugar daddy. Had been now for fourteen months. But he was more than that, more than just a man that paid her to spend time with him. He respected her, was loyal to her, listened to her and responded with actual sentences instead of a word or two like other men she had dated. He was charming, didn't treat her like she was nothing but arm candy, and she knew him so well, as he knew her, and each fortnight she sometimes forgot their whole arrangement, but she was sharply reminded when she received the notification from her bank that the two and a half thousand dollars that Rowan sent her was now in her savings account.

When she agreed to their arrangement after several get-to-know you dates, Rowan had wanted to give her three and a half grand every week, and gods Aelin had been tempted because she had never had so much money in her life, but told him that it was far too much and negotiated.

Two and a half thousand was the lowest that Rowan was willing to go, and even though Aelin only knew him for two weeks at that point, she could tell that he would not budge, so she agreed to the amount.

The first time that money had landed in her account, Aelin had thought that maybe she had imagined the whole thing, but the money was a sharp reminder of what she know was—a sugar baby. Those words still didn't feel like they applied to her.

And he still spent money on her when they spent time together. Just last week he gifted her with diamond earrings in the shapes of roses with a necklace to match. She wore them tonight, not because he bought them for her but because she genuinely loved the pieces.

Needing something sweet—despite the fact she had only finished her chocolate hazelnut gelato twenty minutes ago—she dug through her fridge and found the brownies that Nehemia had baked the other day. She told herself that she would leave some for her long-time friend, but Aelin really doubted that would happen.

Aelin relished in the cold air of the fridge as she found the new can of whipped cream on the top shelf. The fridge was one of the first things she purchased with the money she was now being gifted with (and after that came a new washer and dryer, a dish-washing machine and television. Almost everything in her apartment was brand new now, the food were actual brands instead of the generic, tasteless shit. She had bras that fit her properly and were so damned comfortable that she forgot she was wearing them half the time).

The old fridge was a cheap hunk of junk that she and Nehemia purchased off Facebook marketplace for a hundred dollars, it barely kept things cold, but with expensive rent and bills and general life things, Nehemia and her couldn't afford anything better.

Which was how she ended up in this situation. Picking up more shifts barely gave them anything extra, because the economy right now in Terrasen was shit. Nehemia had made a joke about needing sugar daddies, and Aelin, knowing that Nehemia could never really do such a thing, had decided that maybe it was a good idea.

Nehemia had told Aelin that she was insane for pursuing such a thing, and that she had only been joking, but Aelin was not and that she could handle herself if things went wrong.

Nehemia had told her not to do anything, but Aelin was determined and started her search. It had taken a while to find a website that was genuine and didn't make her feel like she had to scrub her eyes out with bleach.

She created her page in private, because she not only was Nehemia against the idea, but so was Elide and Lysandra—she didn't dare tell Aedion what she was doing. Her cousin could be an overprotective pain in her ass at times, and Aelin was very well aware that if Aedion caught wind of what she was doing, he would have locked her up in her room without any type of device so she couldn't go forward with her plan.

She appreciated their concern, she did, but she was a consenting, tax-paying adult, and if she wanted to use her time to get paid spending time with a rich man, then Aelin was allowed to do exactly that.

It wasn't prostitution, she had looked it up, because it was the sugar babies that had the power and so that was how it went with her and Rowan.

Aelin didn't even have sex with Rowan until it was the sixth month anniversary of her and Rowan's...relationship (and gods, it was the best sex Aelin ever had. Rowan was a generous and completely unselfish lover).

He was the first one she came across on the site and almost drooled down herself when she saw his picture. Silver hair, pine-green eyes, a beautiful tattoo down the length of his left arm and tanned skin, he was stupidly attractive and only ten years old than her.

Aelin messaged him first only after being on the site for ten minutes, deciding that surely he was the best one and that she needn't bother to look at any other candidates.

They hit it off straight away, and after deciding on a restaurant to meet at, Aelin had informed Nehemia of the matter, which she was promptly met with question after question: why can't a thirty-four year old man find someone his own age? Is he one of those men that can't date a woman five minutes older than him because of some stupid made up reason? How do you know for certain that it's him in the picture? What if he's cat-fishing you? What if he's a freak, or a killer? What if he's just pretending to be rich to kidnap you? What if, what if, what if?

And so after a heated discussion, Nehemia had come along on her date-that-wasn't-really-a-date and sat a few tables away from her and Rowan, watching them—especially him—the entire time like a hawk.

Aelin had completely forgotten that her friend was there, so enraptured by Rowan and what he did and how he saw life.

It had been fourteen months of seeing Rowan and genuinely enjoying spending time with him and weeks ago, she realised that she wanted it to be something more. That she had come to care for him, not because of the money, but purely because it was Rowan and he made her feel seen and he wasn't afraid of her, because she had once been told by an ex that she could be too much and that he couldn't handle all her baggage.

Aelin wanted a life with him.

So Aelin told Rowan she loved him when he dropped her off tonight after their dinner and a movie date, telling him how she felt, and he had said thank you. He gave her a chaste kiss on the cheek and went home, leaving behind the pine-and-snow scent of him.

Aelin really wanted to find a hole to crawl into and die.

She was scarfing down her third brownie when Nehemia's bedroom door opened, her friend clad in an old matching pj set, her slippers shuffling across the tile.

“What happened? Are you okay?” her friend asked upon seeing Aelin's guttered look. Her dark brows furrowed. “Did that bastard hurt you? If he did, I'll—”

“He didn't do anything,” Aelin interrupted her friend. Taking the food, Aelin planted herself on the teal blue velvet sofa Rowan gave her for Yulemas last year, ignoring the scent of not just him, but of them both from when he came over after work just the other day with pizza and a DVD that she insisted that she watched because it was too good not to, when they forgot all about the movie as Rowan buried himself inside her, leaving hickeys all over her neck that she had to cover up with thick concealer.

Nehemia joined her on the couch, her friend momentarily forgetting for now that she had walked in on her and Rowan just moments after they finished, muttering under her breath in Eyllwe as she glared at them defiling the couch, and gave her a look that Aelin knew that Nehemia would listen to every word that came out from her.

And when Aelin was done recounting the story, all Nehemia could come up with was, “Oh.”

“Yes, 'oh,'. I've probably fucked up the whole thing. So don't be surprised if I call you on your lunch break tomorrow telling you he's broken things off.”

“Aelin, I don't think he will. I know that I'm not the biggest fan of your...situation—”

“I'm aware,” Aelin said, cutting her friend off. “You still won't let me buy you a new mattress, even though yours is hard as a brick and lumpy as hell. I've told you that you can pay me—”

“Aelin,” Nehemia said, “we're not talking about mattresses right now. As I was saying, I doubt he'll break things off because I've seen the way he looks at you. I still think he's too old for you, but he cares for you. You probably just caught him by surprise.”

“How does he look at me?” Aelin was observant, but sometimes when she was with Rowan, all her observation skills went out the window.

“Like he loves you,” Nehemia said, no hint of doubt in her voice.

Aelin sighed, her feelings slowly starting to crush her. “I guess I'll just have to take your word for it.”

Sighing once more, Aelin put the food back in the fridge, showered and went to bed, forgoing her usual night texting ritual with Rowan.

She really wasn't looking forward to tomorrow.

X X X X X X

Rowan couldn't concentrate, which wasn't a good thing, since his job dealt with having to concentrate all the time. But no matter what mind-focusing techniques he did, he couldn't stop thinking about Aelin.

Couldn't stop thinking about how she said she was in love with him. How her beautiful eyes had been sparkling when she said those words to him. And how the light in them dimmed when he said thank you and kissed her on the cheek, telling her that he would talk to her later. But he hadn't texted her, nor did she.

I love you, Rowan. I'm in love with you.

Thank you. He really couldn't believe that was what he said. Felt like an utter fool and a bastard as he realised he probably crushed her heart. Aelin didn't like being vulnerable, and she had been when she said those words and he had gone and fucked it all up.

Rowan loved Aelin, he did, but he truly wasn't prepared for those words. He loved how on the weekends they would be up at one am, baking chocolate goodies, dancing in the quiet kitchen, humming quietly to Aelin's classical music playlist, with her wearing not the nightgowns that he loved, but one of his old hoodies.

He didn't think that he would get along with her so well once they met, thinking that their online interactions were nothing but a fluke. He was moments away from deleting the profile because he didn't actually create it, but Fenrys had, his friend grumbling that he needed a girlfriend, with Rowan arguing that creating a profile on a sugar daddy site was not dating but probably the opposite, when Aelin messaged him.

His life-long friend didn't listen, much to Rowan's annoyance—but he didn't grab his phone out of his friends hand; Rowan blamed it on the several whiskys he had downed by that point.

Aelin bewitched him on that first meet up. She was intelligent as hell and funny, and creative and beautiful. He was aware of why she was on the date with him, but he didn't care, just as long as he got to see her again.

Fourteen months later and Rowan was still bewitched. He wanted to be with her on a permanent basis, but wasn't completely sure how to take that step.

Clearly, Aelin had taken that step for them, and Rowan was the worlds biggest moron.

I love you, Rowan. I'm in love with you.

Thank you.

Groaning, Rowan turned away from his computer and looked at the skyline, ignoring the buildings to instead watch the puffy clouds drift by.

Aelin loved watching the clouds, loved stargazing, loved questioning about the universe and what the skies held.

He never really paid any of that stuff attention, not until he met her.

Rowan didn't want to lose her, didn't want her to think that he was about to break up with her over this. He had to see her, so he grabbed his keys and wallet, told his secretary to hold his calls for the rest of the day, and went to visit Aelin.

X X X X X X

It had been an usually busy day for a Wednesday and Aelin was glad for her lunch break as she trudged up to the roof of the shopping centre. She wasn't really allowed up here, but she wanted some fresh air and to feel the sun against her skin as she sat down and dug into her lunch—fast food, unfortunately for her, because she was so frazzled from last night that she completely forgot about making a pack lunch.

Rowan hadn't called her, or texted her. Not even an email had been sent her way.

Aelin hated that she felt so damned mopey. She was an independent woman, but gods, even a good morning text would have been fine.

She finished her lunch, popping several mints into her mouth to get rid of the onion taste, when the roof door crashed open and a familiar hulking figure came into view.

He must have spoken to Elide to find her here.

Aelin's brow furrowed. “Rowan, what are you doing here?” Oh gods, surely he wasn't going to break up with her, she still had hours to go; there'd be no way she could work if she had tears in her eyes.

Taking her hands in his, Aelin stood up. She steeled herself against whatever he was going to say.

“I love you, Aelin. I'm in love with you, too,” Rowan said, his eyes soft and full of genuine love. Aelin's heart shot up into her throat. “I want a life with you. I want us to buy a home, one that has warmth and character, and a big garden. I want a dog. And kids too, if you want, I know that you've never mentioned it, but if you don't want any then that is completely fine. I want to support you in whatever endeavors you want to take, and if you ever want to go back to university, then I'll support you, or if you want to find a way to use your business degree, I'll help you with that, too. Whatever you want Aelin, I'll give it to you, as long as you're by my side, I'll be happy.”

Aelin was silent for so long that Rowan thought that maybe he shocked her into silence. But eventually, she smiled, one that was dazzling in its beauty that it took his breath away.

“You love me?”

“I do, Aelin, I love you.”

She kissed his cheek. “Thank you.”

Rowan groaned at the amusement in her tone, in her eyes. “You're never going to let me live that down, are you?”

She smirked. “Definitely not. It'll be a nice story to tell our children...one day. For now, I think we should contend with being proper significant others.”

Rowan nodded, smiling. “I like the sound of that.”

“Good, because I need to get back to work, since I'm no longer accepting your allowances. I won't deny the use of your credit card, but other than that, you are no longer my sugar daddy.”

It was Rowan's turned to smirk, and it was the one that made her core clench. “How about I be 'daddy' instead?”

Aelin snorted, even as she clenched around nothing again. Smacking his arm lightly, Aelin kissed him. “Only if you behave,” she said against his lips, “and now I really need to go back to work.”

Rowan walked her back, their fingers laced together, and as she turned to say goodbye, Aelin said, “I'll see you later, daddy.”

Rowan groaned, and it took everything in him not to take her hand and into his car to have his wicked way with her.

By the time he thought of a response, Aelin was already back to work, helping a customer with an impressive stack of books in her arms.

But she knew he was still there, because the way she swayed her hips to the counter was all for him, and when she saw him watching her, Aelin winked, making Rowan's heart flutter in his chest.

He really did love her. And he would live with her teasing him for the rest of his life, just as long as she was with him.

[wrestlezon]

liveblog containment post for aew dynamite 6/8/22

not a lot of matches announced... i wonder what will happen

battle royale!! oh no eddie is on first group?? nooooo "we hear from trent" what the. what is he going to say... i guessed tony nese would be first to be eliminated and i was right. yooo whoaaa there goes lance archer. i wouldve thought hager wouldve been tossed out first lmao john silver owns. his wacky run and then just started suplexing whoa! takeshita!!! i wouldnt mind if he won either i love the gunnacclaimed so much i cant imagine trying to follow this battle royale in pip. good thing i am able to pay fite to watch this garcia and hager have just been exclusively killing eddie this whole time pppowerhouse hobbs! bobby fish! dante martin! they have so many guys in this ring. they gotta start eliminating people OH!!!!!!!??? YUTA!!!!!!!!! i was going to say that chuck isnt going to be here and he is still on some sort of wrestle vacation but now that yuta is here chuck should come out and then get eliminated by him. for the drama oh no!!!! MAX CASTER!!!! there are literally too many guys in here. oh here we go, gunn club out HOLY SHIT!!!!! SWERVE???? BETRAYAL??? BUT THEY HAD A TAG TEAM NAME AND EVERYTHING!!! WHAT THE oh apparently wardlow has a talky segment later? interesting oh no! john silver! EDDIE AND GARCIA OUT? I DIDNT EVEN SEE. and hager NOOOO MY EDDIE KINGSTON DREAMS THO AND TAKESHITA TOO?????? i def dont know who is gonna win this now. all my guesses are out ricky starks... u_u lmao good thing they replayed the eddie bit whoa! darby out! man i wonder if andrade is gonna win this, then.... yay! yuta!! i like yuta but i dont want him to win this. he already had a good fight with mox. i want one of these other guys to have a good fight with mox oh!!! midair low blow!!! poor fenix... ANDRADE OUT????? now its just yuta and kyle???????????? oh its kyle. huh!

whoa. moxley speech i think moxley should win tbh. i think kyle is a fine person to lose to moxley. if kyle wins i will be shocked, confused, and mad

lmao they got hot mics for this entire commercial break. these mics are HOT and ON. im hearing everything

a brand new championship??? MORE championships???? ALL ATLANTIC CHAMPION???? rep your countries!!!! wows

buddy matthews vs pac!!! :)c yay pac both of these guys are fresh out of the shower. they are so damp two muscled beef men are grappling each other right in front of me

jr: "whats trent got to say" lmao. RUDE

huh... i wonder whats gonna happen during this Wardlow Talking Segment... is mjf gone for good? or...

"rooting for pac to advance" huh wha. in what, this? is this for the atlantic title? or in general. i stopped paying attention for a second oh apparently it is! thats sudden AND fast. glad pac is winning. i want miro to be the overall winner tho. go miro! go miro!!

EDDIE SEGMENT!!! eddie fighting hager... u_u hager...

LMAO THE RINGSIDE MIC STILL ON FOR COMMERCIALS hell yea HOT THE MIC

oh! TRENT MUSIC why am i being denied trent intro trent in regular clothes. what is going on here WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOUR FRIENDS TRENT DONT TELL ME THEYRE GONNA BREAK UP THE BEST FRIENDS. WHAT THE roppongi vice ftr rematch... oh yeah i forgot their match didn't have an actual winner. it got interrupted oh what if we have an ftr trent trios match against njpw?? HELLO oh its osprey. i know people hate this guy for realsies they beat up trent u_u

regal and the undisputed elite segment lmfao at tony schiavone's silent "wow"

hangman page vs david finley!! hangman... :)c big chops!! man the audio mixing on this ep is jacked up YOU CANT DRINK RANDOM PEOPLE'S BEER DRINKS!!! ITS COVID TIMES!!!!!!!!!! HANGMAN NO get 'em, hangman! :)c what a solid body move finley asscrack reveal buckshot!!! yay hangman

talk to me hangman. whaddya gonna say... forbidden door... iwgp!!!!!!!!!!!!! hangman!!!!!!!!!! OKADA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh adam cole is sassin it up. oh are the adams gonna be fighting again? boo adam cole. booooo

oh! thunder rosa segment "whoa! marina shafir" lmao tony hello. the women are looking into each others eyes and talking about how they wanna be each others problems

wardlow time! whats this gonna be about... not wardlows world!! whoa. wardlow is pro-punk. oh, actually, yeah thats fair. i wouldnt want wardlow to be interim title guy either. he should get a good shake. oh!!! tnt wardlow!!!???

oh! its mark sterling again! hes still repping the security guards "you ripped up LEGAL DOCUMENTS on LIVE TV. you cant do that, you DUMMY!" lmfao!!! i love mark sterling TWENTY-- WARDLOW WOULD LOVE TO KILL TWENTY SECURITY GUARDS. HE ALREADY DID IT, HE'D DO IT AGAIN NO PROBLEM

oh! its the young bucks! "nice room, bucks of youth!" the hardys are here! LMFAO jurassic express is here now too. i love a bunch of guys standing in a room my friend said this is bte shit and it is. its making me laugh jungle boy is so O_O jungle boy's "what" was SO innocent omg ladder match! are they finally going to do "christian cage pushes jungle boy too hard" angle... a ladder match tho. but jeff hardy..........

oh! its marina shafir vs thunder rosa thunder rosa with the kill bill outfit! yay hell of a kick by rosa on the zoomout cam whoa what a counter! and for the win too

oh no! who is gonna save thunder rosa toni storm is here! ohhh...! aggression... da tension.

the baddies segment! lmfao stokely just standing in from tony schiavone thank you baddies for continuing to push alien statlander. more copium to get me through these trying times

oh! kris statlander vs velvet, evil mode rematch! OH!!! FTR TRENT TRIOS MATCH REAL!!! YAY (but also: huh...) lmfao wardlow 20v1!!!!!!!!

its moxley vs kyle time! im crossing my arms. if mox doesnt win then i will riot drinking floor water... moxley... the collywobbles? british NERVOUS... SLAP FIGHT ragdoll...

cool pin moxley thats good. im glad moxley won

secret bonus fite clip

[genesisrose74]

Christmas With the Karasuno Boys (HC’s)!!

Part 2: Kageyama, Hinata, Tsukishima, Yamaguchi, Kinoshita, & Narita

Part 1 (Daichi, Suga, Asahi, Nishinoya, Tanaka, & Ennoshita) here!

A/n: Tumblr said my word count was too much so I’m splitting this bad boi up into two parts :p Enjoy!!

*****

Kageyama

This boy has a secret soft side for Christmas istg

He HATES showing it to other people on his team and shit

But holy bejeezus he is mesmerized by the holiday in every way possible

Lights, sweets, snow, just like,,, the general magic of December is the most awe-inspiring thing to him

Since he is still a sporty and pretty active mofo, you decided to fuel that on your holiday-themed date as Kags had noted that he’d never gone sledding before

Your jaw was on the FLOOR when he first told you because he would 10000% enjoy the hell out of it

And so you dragged him out to this popular sledding hill that you frequented as a child and taught him what to do

Not gonna lie, he was kind of nervous

“Well you’re experienced at it. I don’t wanna mess up”

🥺🥺🥺 bubby

“You won’t, Tobio! I can already tell you’re gonna be a sledding pro”

Feels a little better after that, but he asks you to help him out for his first run down the hill

He sits behind you with his arms secured snugly around your waist and his head nestled on top of your shoulder

Which would probably seem really funny to passerby because this boy is tol and intimidating in most other situations

As soon as the sled started down, Kags tightened his grip and made this cute little yelp of surprise

But you were laughing insanely hard at the combination of going really fast downhill whilst also having your boyfriend cling to you for dear life

And then when the sled stopped safely at the bottom he started to chuckle

FULL ON, GENUINE SOUND OF ENJOYMENT

That shit is rare

Y’all stayed at that hill for half the day because it was so fun

You got him a new, very high quality athletic roller for Christmas because his old one was just not cutting it anymore

And you also gave him this really cute bracelet with a volleyball, his jersey number, and a little strawberry milk set of charms attached to it

It matched this really pretty and subtle chain he’d bought for your birthday

His blueberry eyes got all wide with affection dfjdskfjsdk—

Got super blushy and couldn’t get a handle on his speech for a fat minute

He thinks you’re the coolest person ever no I do not take criticism

Geez you’re both adorable together, ideal “stoic boy becomes warmer during the holidays around his love” movie plot and I love it

Hinata

He is all in on Christmas. Not a chance this boy doesn’t get excited as hell

Will openly go into holiday mode as soon as November is over

Was secretly already listening to his Christmas playlist before then

He is one of the sweetest gift givers, that is FACTUAL

If you want something really badly, he will take notice and get it as your present immediately

He’ll also gift you an extra thing that’s handmade 🥺

Like some pastries that his mom helped him make, or a specially made basket of soaps with your favorite scents in it

It’s absolutely adorable and you cherish those ones especially

Is happy if you simply get him something; mans doesn’t care what it is

New practice volleyball? A brand new sweatshirt? Elated either way

You had seen an advertisement for a friendly match between Japan and Poland’s men’s volleyball teams, so you waited online on the ticket sales website until the minute it opened

Spoiler alert: you got some banger seats 😌✨

Shoyo may or may not have tackled you when he read the ticket details, letting out his excited giggle (you know the one)

“I can’t believe you got these, angel! You’re coming with me, right? You’ve gotta! Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

Gives you sweet little kisses between each individual ‘thank you’

“Of course I’ll go with you, Sho! I’m really glad you like it!”

He will give you the brightest smile of all time — that shit makes Christmas lights pale in comparison

“Have I told you how much I love you?”

RIGHT BACK AT YOU BBY

Hold his hands to warm up together when temperatures drop pls :)))

It’s become a weekly December tradition to watch a Christmas movie with Natsu at the Hinata household

She’ll sit in your lap while the three of you are cuddled under a blanket together, and Shoyo will lace his fingers with yours all discreetly

In conclusion, I am a sucker for holiday Hinata 🥺🥺🥺

Tsukishima

His room is decorated to the very minimum simply because his mom and brother had insisted on him being festive

You know those holiday instrumentals that are really calming and jazzy and stuff? Yeah, that’s the only Christmas music he will tolerate in his house

While he’s still got his usual icy demeanor, this blond bitch does get slightly less snippy with the Karasuno boys

Is always on the nose with getting you the exact thing you wanted for a present

Like,,, TO THE SMALLEST DETAIL

You don’t even have to bring that shit up beforehand, he just KNOWS

“Tsukki, how did you—?”

“It’s pretty obvious, with the way that one ad kept showing up on your phone.”

b r u h

How does he pay such good attention without even letting on??

As for his own present, you’ll usually get him two: one gag gift and one more serious gift

His dino plush collection size is partly due to the former’s contributions this time of year

Yes the dinos have names

You exchanged gifts on Christmas Eve with all the team (you made him go) and he saved your more serious one for last

It was a scarf that you’d gotten custom made, which had a Spotify code knitted into the fabric

Scanning the code opened the app to a playlist you’d created especially for him

He got pretty quiet when figuring it out and scrolling through the playlist

Would let out a certified Tsukki Nose Exhale™ when he came across certain songs

The more subdued reaction was expected because it’s Tsukishima

His little chuckles and warmer eyes were enough of a giveaway to tell you he very much enjoyed your gift

But on the walk home, he took the scarf and wrapped it around you both, and then brought his arm around your waist

“Thank you.”

You deadass almost combusted because it was so unexpected??

“You’re welcome. Merry Christmas, Kei”

Way to respond calm and collected 😌👍

But on the inside your body was in freak out mode

He wears the scarf all the time jdfsklfjdsk

Yamaguchi

Take the most tooth rotting fluff you could imagine

And then double that and put a fucking cherry on top

That’s the equivalent of what Christmas is like with Yama Yama

Y’all are like kids in a candy store — literally

For your Christmas dates it’s all about sweets and shared giggles, so frequent trips to the candy and baking isles of the grocery store is a must

Making gingerbread houses, peppermint tasting (mostly trying those different and wild ass candy cane flavors), you name it and it’s there

Stomach aches? I don’t know her

Yeah you do but they go away with enough butterfly kisses 🥰

Tadashi is exceptionally good at decorating gingerbread houses for whatever reason

He put a poll on his instagram between yours and his final products and he won by a landslide

It’s not like yours was necessarily bad, more like he’s just an icing master

You also might have eaten too many gumdrops which left your rooftop lacking in ✨spice✨

But it’s okay because Tadashi donated some of his leftovers to you

He’s such a sweetheart uwu

Please for the love of everything get him something heartfelt as his present

You know those long distance bracelets for couples?

Basically if your s/o taps the icon on the bracelet it’ll send a little vibration to the other person’s as a notice that you’re thinking about them

This boy seeks constant reassurance, and you love to give him his deserved love and validation, so it was the perfect present

It takes a second for him to figure out what it is, but after reading the directions and testing it out, the most adorable smile erupted on his face

And then since you already had yours on, he tapped the little icon again with a giggle

“Hey there”

It becomes common habit to tap it at least once every couple hours

GOD HE IS SO CUTE

He is just so soft this time of year, give him all the love and he will return it tenfold ☺️

Kinoshita

This boy is absolutely an awkward cutie and an avid romantic

Give him the cliches and he will eat em up, no doubt

It naturally gets more apparent around the holidays

He’ll take you on pretty winter walks, give you lots of little gifts (while blushing a hell of a lot), and is just a professional at stumbling upon some mistletoe

Wow wonder how it got there, Hisashi

He’s quite a bit more confident when simply alone with you than in a crowded space

And that definitely shows when he takes you out on a secluded sleigh ride around town

Yeah you heard me

A fuckin’ sleigh ride

Horses and blankets and everything

Don’t even ask how he managed to pull it off, because he loves watching the cogs turn in your head and simply will not give you a straight answer

Of course there’s the nice driver guy who’s there, but in the back alone Kinoshita’s confidence goes 📈📈

Lots of flirting, tons of skimmed touches and shared giggles throughout the ride

I legitimately simp really hard for him

Anyways it was a gorgeous ride through town and super fun

On Christmas Eve you both exchange gifts together and tbh whatever you got him will leave him happy and flustered regardless

But when he opens the wrapping paper to find an entire set of vintage VHS tapes, he’s stunned

He owns a VHS (actually canon!) and honestly loves it to death, and the fact that you’d get him tapes of pretty high quality for his collection meant a lot

Gosh he’s so underrated but a definite sweetheart, give him all the holiday love

Narita

Another underrated bby 🥺

He’s so chill and is pretty open to anything during the holidays, so long as he gets to spend ample time with you, his friends, and his family

Definitely more of an indoor person despite being accepting of most situations

Hence why you thought a cute little indoor winter picnic would be right up his alley

Which it absolutely was 😌✨ nice work

You’d made plans while in secret communications with his family members about the whole thing

He’d been pretty stressed lately with trying to handle his schoolwork, while also helping out others with theirs

Despite being a wonderful tutor, it was clearly becoming a bit overwhelming as he tried to grapple with so much at once

So when he came home one day to find a pristine house with you settled on a blanket in his living room, he was quite surprised

There’s a cheese plate, soda cans in a cute ice box, sandwiches, snacks, a presparked fireplace — you and his family went all out

Really adorable I cannot lie

“I thought you said you were going gift shopping today?”

“I might have maybe lied :P”

So he gives the sweetest little smile and sits across from you

Y’all stay there and talk for hours

After finally getting through everything previously laid out on the blanket spread, you slid him a little rectangular box that he looked at curiously

“Already? I haven’t wrapped yours yet!”

“Mine can wait a bit! Just open yours”

And so he does, and you watch with a face-splitting grin as he looks down in awe

You got tickets to see his favorite rock band in concert while they were on tour

He sprung onto you and pulled you into the tightest hug ever

“Holy shit you’re the best I love you so much how do you get even more loveable every day—!?!l”

It’s a jumble of words but you’re able to put it together and it makes you giggle

He deadass sprints upstairs to go get your gift and make sure that you feel as equally appreciated as he does

In simple words: wholesome holiday sweetness 🥰

[cassianstattoo]

HAPPY ACOSF RELEASE DAY!

(ACOSF SPOILERS AHEAD) ARE YOU EXCITED?

I personally am. It’s time for Nesta’s story (and not just hers) to be told. So, this leads to another thing I think (and hope) you’ve been waiting for.

LET’S EXPLAIN THE PLAYLIST! (Read every song’s meaning while or after reading the book) And thank you for all your love and support.

“Alone” by Melancholia: It describes the Cauldron scene at the beginning of the book. In this song you can feel the rage and how hard she’s struggling. This song is not about weakness. It’s about her strength.

“Impossible” by James Arthur: Chapter 1. Even if it’s not so clear in this chapter, I think this song represents how Cassian feels when Nesta’s around. He feels worthless and not so different from the other men she beds (as he thought in ACOFAS). He lost his hope of an happy future with the woman he loves and he feels like he’s breaking that last promise she made her. Everything just seems so impossible.

“Sister” by The Black Keys: Chapter 2. This just makes me think of Feyre and Nesta’s fight. It’s from Feyre’s pov.

“New House” by Toro y Moi: “I want a brand new house Something I can not buy, something I can afford I just want a long shower I been feeling so crowded” Chapter 3. It’s about Nesta settling down in the House of Wind. It’s not the place she feels she can call “home”. First of all, it’s not really hers. The last two sentences of this verse are about her breathing and trying to calm herself at the end of the chapter. She’s just tired.

“My Mother & I” by Lucy Dacus: Chapter 4. The whole song is about Nesta and the relationship with her mother when she was a child. I think there’s nothing else to say. Also, in the 1st Chapter it says that she’s born in spring, so the song talks about a girl who was born in May. It all fits.

“Teacher’s Pet” by Melanie Martinez”: “Teacher’s pet If I’m so special, why am I secret? Yeah, why the fuck is that? Do you regret The things we shared that I’ll never forget? Well, do you? Tell me that I know I’m young, but my mind is well beyond my years I knew this wouldn’t last, but fuck you, don’t you leave me here” Chapter 5 and 6. Nesta and Cassian’s first day of training together. She basically doesn’t want to act like she’s his pet and she’s got to do whatever he want just to respect her sister’s will.

“Dangerous Man” by Valley Of Wolves: “They say I’m a wanted man Holding line and break the fire I’m setting all the captives free But I’m hanging by a wire” Chapter 7. It’s about Eris and his double-cross. That’s how probably Cassian pictures Eris in his mind tbh.

“Control” by Halsey: Chapter 8. Nesta facing the stairs. It can be linked to other chapters too because if you take this song as a whole and not just a few verses, it really contains A LOT of things. For example, the line “The House was awake”. Also Chapter 9, when people start calling their children. You can find this moment in the song when it says “All the kids cried out ‘please stop, you’re scaring me”.

“Bookstore Girl” by Charlie Burg: Chapter 9. The bookstore girl is Gwyn and Nesta tries to know more about her.

“Wrong Direction” by Hailee Steinfeld: “I don’t hate you” Chapter 12. This song is about the chapter’s ending.

“You’ve Got a Friend In Me” by Cavetown: Chapter 13. Nesta and Gwyn’s interaction. Also, Nesta helping her.

“like that” by Bea Miller: Chapter 16. Nesta and Cassian’s tension is hilarious, but this song makes me thing about this scene so much.

“Queen” by Shawn Mendes: Chapter 17. Elain fighting with Nesta. This lyrics is so powerful. The first part is Elain talking to Nesta. The second part is Nesta talking to Elain.

“You’ll Follow Me Down” by Skunk Anansie: Chapter 17. Same scene. This is totally Nesta. She’s so scared of herself and of the world that surrounds her. She’s afraid to lose her sister in this world she still knows nothing about if not violence. She wants Elain by her side, even if it means dragging her down with her.

“Teeth” by 5 Seconds of Summer: Chapters 18/19. I like to call it “THE chapter”. Do you need me to explain why I chose this song? Um, I don’t think so. You know it.

“Only You” by Ellie Goulding: “Baby I’m on my knees” Chapter 22. He’s... returning the favor.

“Revolution” by Diplo, Faustix, Imanos, Kai: Chapter 24. Our girl Nesta knows what she’s doing. What she’s starting.

“Best Friend for Hire” by Anthony Amorim: Chapter 25. The whole song is about Nesta and Emerie’s interaction. Everytime I listen to it I can’t help but cry.

“Moment’s Silence (Common Tongue)” by Hozier: Chapter 26.  Nesta’s worried about Cassian and gives him relief.

“Rise Up” by Andra Day: Chapters 27/28. These three girls are going to rise up, bitches.

“Nina Cried Power” by Hozier, Mavie Staples: Chapter 29. This song is really powerful, just like Nesta. She always is, but in this chapter we learn HOW MUCH.

“Fix Me Now” by Garbage: “Bring me back to life (fix me now) Kiss me blind” Chapter 31. THAT scene. HE HEATED UP THE WHOLE ROOM Y’ALL. Cassian literally kissed her back to life.

“Ready or Not” by Fugees: Chapters 34/35/36. I can’t choose only one quote from this song. But can you hear its vibes? Nesta’s leading a dead army. This is THE power. 

“PILLOWTALK” by ZAYN: Chapter 37. *wink* This song says everything.

“Go Fuck Yourself” by Two Feet: Always chapter 37. I couldn’t choose just one song, you know. Also, lowkey Chapter 38.

“Never Again” by Breaking Benjamin: “Never again, never again Time will ot take the life from me” Chapter 38′s ending. All I can say is: NEVER AGAIN.

“Boy In The Bubble” by Alec Benjamin: Not linked to just one chapter. It makes me thing of Azriel a lot.

“Past Lives” by BØRNS: “I've got the strangest feeling This isn't our first time around Past lives couldn't ever come between us Some time the dreamers finally wake up Don't wake me I'm not dreaming“ Chapter 39. Gwyn and Azriel. Well, these lines are about them, but I think the rest of the song represents Elain and Azriel, too. I don’t know if you feel the same.

“Boulevard of Broken Dreams” by Green Day: THIS IS AZRIEL’S SONG. YOU CAN’T TELL ME OTHERWISE.

“Watch Me While I Bloom” by Hayley Williams: Chapter 41. Nesta teaching Cassian how to treat a woman. She’s got big dick energy ayeee

“R U Mine?” by Arctic Monkeys: Still chapter 41. Cassian taking control of the situation. This song just screams “dominant” lmao.

“Walls Could Talk” by Halsey: So Halsey once said “The House was awake” (Control). What if those Walls Could Talk? Like, poor thing. It could have a mental breakdown. This song is dedicated to the House of Wind ‘cause it needs respect. It’s alive. Just imagine how’d you feel watching non-stop those two fucking and fighting. Also Azriel, you’re loved.

“Despicable” by grandson: “If I were you I wouldn’t love me neither” Chapter 43. Tamlin deserves a song, too.

“Part Of Me” by Katy Perry: Chapters 45/46. It’s all SO chaotic. This song means a lot of things. They all lied to her, but this song is particularly about Nesta and Amren’s fight. In my opinion, she did the right think telling Feyre the truth ‘cause she deserved to know, but it just wasn’t the right time and space.

“Don’t Give Up On Me” by Andy Grammer: Chapter 47. Cassian’s going to take care of Nesta. She made a mistake but she knows here better than anyone. He won’t give up on her.

“There You Are” by ZAYN: Chapter 50. Cassian comforts Nesta when she finally explodes. He’s there for her with open arms.

“You Found Me” by The Fray: Still Chapter 50. This chapter was so hard to read and this is another song that can describe it best.

“Locked Out Of Heaven” by Bruno Mars: Chapter 51. Illyrian bat boys just love flat objects. I see.

“Thin White Lies” by 5 Seconds of Summer: Chapter 51. Yeah, still thinking about that desk.

“Chosen Family” by Rina Sawayama: Still Chapter 51. This song is wholly dedicated to Nesta’s new found family. Not only Gwyn and Emerie, but also Cassian.

“Library Magic” by The Head And The Heart: Chapter 52. Listen to this song and read the scene at the beginning of the chapter.

“Battle Cry” by Imagine Dragons: Chapter 54. I know it’s weird but I feel this song talks about Lanthys and Nesta’s fight.

“Hurt” by Christina Aguilera: Chapter 55. Nesta takes Cassian to the place she lived with her family in the mortal lands. It’s dirty and broken now but it’s still there. Nes talks about her father and realizes how much he’s done for her and her sisters.

“Story Of Another Us” by 5 Seconds of Summer: Chapter 56. I know this sounds like a sad song but to me it represents Gwyn’s present. The story of their past (of another “them”) and also their present.

“Drama Club” by Melanie Martinez: Chapter 57. Eris vibes, y’all. I know you can feel them. Everytime I listen to this song I can’t help but thinking of him. So the only thing I can tell you is: listen carefully.

“Genius” by Sia, Diplo, Labrinth: Chapter 57. Hear this song. It just makes me think of a ballroom where two people try to talk to other people and they’re avoiding to make eye contact. And they fail (yeah, those people are Cassian and Nesta btw)

“Therefore I Am” by Billie Eilish: Chapter 57. Still about Eris, but also Cassian. They can’t stand each other. So imagine the astronomical energy (inside of this bus lmfao) when Nesta comes in between.

“All About Us” by He Is We, Owl City: Chapter 57. Nessian dancing.

“Rock Bottom” by Hailee Steinfeld ft. DNCE: Chapter 58. This song is SO accurate. This is the moment I realized “That’s it. I think I can die happy now” and then I started crying. Nesta just thinking she’s not enough and she deserves to be with someone as ugly as she thinks she is. Cassian is like “shut the hell up, woman” and yeah. That’s the kind of energy and conversation I was waiting for.

“Stop Crying Your Heart Out” by Oasis: Chapter 58. Their life becomes brighter. They have to stop crying their heart out because of their fears and the emotions they keep trying to hide. They need to feel free and express all the love they can give to each other.

“Fade Into You” by Nashville Cast, Sam Palladio, Clare Bowen: Chapter 58. Finally the truth comes out and everything becomes real. Even if the song is pretty sad, the lyrics is just SO accurate and it describes the scene perfectly.

“I Miss You” by Adele: Chapter 59. Basically Nesta feeling needy ‘cause she doesn’t see Cassian for days, but it’s more than that. Pay attention to the depth of the song. It shakes you. And that’s what Nesta feels when she thinks of Nesta.

“Beautiful” by Christina Aguilera: Chapter 59/61. I want to dedicate it to my favorite girls in this book: Nesta, Emerie and Gwyn. They’ve been through a lot but they also learnt to face their fears. And they realized that unity is strength.

“Smile” by Uncle Kracker: Chapter 62. Cassian’s sooo happy to be with Nesta it breaks my heart. And his own too.

“Broken Pieces” by 5 Seconds of Summer: Chapter 62. Aaand here we go again. Cassian just wants Nesta to give him the chance to be happy with her.

“Carried Away” by H.E.R.: Chapter 62. Nesta thinks they got too carried away and now they’re at a point of no return. She opened herself to him too much. It’s not like she regrets this but she understands that now everything’s too real and changing. She doesn’t feel ready.

"What’s Up?” by 4 Non Blondes: Ending of Chapter 63. Okay, I’ll make you laugh but this is me after reading it. I needed to put a song about how I felt when I read this freaking ending, after all the devastation Chapter 62 brought into my heart. And the fact that Nesta’s 25 and the first line begins with “25 years”... I DIED. Also I think of her just screaming to the word “WHAT’S GOING ON?!”.

“Sisters Are Doin’ It For Themselves” by Eurythmics ft. Aretha Franklin: Chapters 64/65/66. DO I NEED TO DESCRIBE IT? NAH, I DON’T THINK SO. THESE GIRLS ARE POWERFUL, STRONG AND SMART AS HELL.

“Run The World (Girls)” by Beyoncé Chapters 67/68/69/70. The girls want to win and they’re going to conquer everything with no mercy.

“Puppets” by Depeche Mode: Chapter 71. Eris impotence t is heartbreaking.

“Warriors” by Imagine Dragons: This song is for every character. It’s about Nesta, Emerie and Gwyn, but also Cassian, Azriel and Eris. They’re fighting different battles and they’re doing it with every ounce of power they have.

“Emperor’s New Clothes” by Panic! At The Disco: Chapter 74. Nesta kicking Briallyn’s ass.

“Survivor” by Destiny’s Child: This song is dedicated to Emerie and Gwyn. They spent all their lives learning how to survive. At the end, they finally won.

“Set Fire to the Rain” by Adele: THE Nessian Anthem. I put this here ‘cause FINALLY they’re endgame. But something bad’s about to happen...

“Cancer” by My Chemical Romance: Chapter 76. This chapter’s been the hardest one to face. I had to put the book down for a minute and breathe. I know this song made you panic and ow you know why I chose it. I can’t stop crying thinking about Feyre in those conditions and all the IC and her sisters surrounding her. I’m still so heartbroken.

“You Saved Me” by Skunk Anansie: Chapter 77. Nesta cares about Feyre. She’s her little sister and she just can’t let her die like that. She gave her a happy ending even if Nes had to lose almost every ounce of power she had and learned to accept. But they’re worthless in comparison with her sisters life. She just loves them both. She’d do anything for them and this scene proves it.

“Lean on Me” by Bill Withers: This song is about friendship and sisterhood. Nesta’s relationship with Gwyn and Emerie, but also with Feyre and Elain (and lowkey Rhys). Also, I dedicate it to little Nyx, too. They all love you, babyboy, and would do anything for you. Welcome to this chaotic world, kid!

“Sorry” by Halsey: Chapter 78. These are not explicit apologies. Nesta doesn’t need to say “sorry” vocally. She already demonstrated it. Her actions speak louder than words and her sister know it. This song is not about a “romantic lover” but a “person who loves” and they all love too much and strongly.

“Amazing” by Aerosmith: WE FINALLY SEE THE LIGHT. This is the happy ending they deserve (but the cliffhanger is killing me tbh). It’s about everyone in this book. I put it in the playlist ‘cause at first I thought it could refer to Azriel and Cassian. But the more i listened to it, the more I realized it just describes every single character.

“The Reason” by Hoobastank↓

“this is me trying” by Taylor Swift: Both the songs refer to Chapter 80. Nesta visiting her father’s grave is one of the first steps to finally go on. The songs represent what she really wants to tell her father. He’s the reason to start over. And she’s trying. Even if she made mistakes she’s ready to fight for the happiness and love she denied herself years and now she knows she deserves it.

[bisluthq]

Hey! I'm fairly new here and I have a pretty uncommon take on Kaylor. But I just wanna start off by saying I try my best to be as supportive of LGBT people as possible and if they're both bisexual, then I would be 100% okay with that! I'm not trying to "defend their heterosexuality" or anything, I think that's really weird

Okay, so my personal theory is that Kaylor did happen, but that Taylor and Karlie are both straight. I know that might sound contradictory, but I say this based on my own personal experiences based on how I am with my best friend. I think Karlie and Taylor's relationship might have been similar in some ways to ours

Right, so I'm straight and I'm not into women in the gay kind of way (but it's completely cool that some girls are), and I have this roommate who's gorgeous. Really gorgeous, she's like a 10/10 "I would sell my kidney to look like you" kind of girl. She's very attractive, she has like tan skin and long legs and gorgeous brown hair and pretty eyes and nice lips and just like… she's just very good looking. I'm definitely jealous of her body, I won't even pretend I'm not 😪 I lowkey hate her because of it (jk)

We've been living together since not long before COVID started, and we're very good friends. There were three of us before, but our other roommate went back home to stay with her parents until in person classes are back on and we agreed to it and worked something out because she has really bad anxiety so we understood her reasoning for it

Anyway so it's just been us two and because we've been at home a lot during this time instead of out for most of the day like before, we've gotten to know each other a lot better and have become a lot closer. We were already friends from before, but now we're like super close besties, we've been hanging out a lot together and playing board games, watching movies, helping each other with essays, just having long conversations about anything and everything, etc

Like it's been so nice having a best friend that I can be this close to now because I haven't had a best friend since I was a kid

So my friend and I were having like a conversation last year about how hard it's been in quarantine not being able to go on dates and how we miss kissing people, and so we decided to just like, make out for fun you know. I mean, there's not really anything that's inherently romantic or sexual about making out, that's just society that says that. But tbh I think making out with your friends if you want to should be normalized, it's fun and it can even be emotional sometimes. It's not that different from hugging people

After a couple of weeks or so, I think we got bored of just making out with each other and decided to like, fully hook up. It started off because we were modelling lingerie for each other for banter and were pretending we were each other's runway judges and then I think we just decided to hook up with each other as like part of the whole "game". I can't remember who initiated it now, I think it might have been me as a joke lol

Like just in a platonic way for fun, as a kind of substitute until we can go back into society

And tbh I always expected hooking up with a woman to be like mediocre and boring and awkward, but although it was a bit hard to get the hang of at first and there was a learning curve, it's actually very enjoyable. Like I was very surprised actually at how hot it can be, I think I can maybe see why bisexual women and lesbians like doing it

Anyway we both liked it and we just carried on hooking up on the regular and it's been like 8 months now and tbh I just think it's very sweet and heartwarming, like it actually makes me feel a little emotional how we're close enough and care about each other enough that we can even help each other out with the physical intimacy side of things so that we don't get sexually frustrated while we're stuck in lockdown

I just think it's really cool and we even sleep in the same bed most of the time now because tbh what's the point in sleeping alone when you can sleep in the same bed as someone else? It's nicer, like you can cuddle and stuff

Anyway, I think that maybe Kaylor's relationship might have been similar. I think they're both straight but they became really close friends in a short space of time, and that their friendship was so intense that it became physical but in a platonic way

I think lesbians and bisexual women are amazing and I have so much respect for you guys for accepting yourselves in a society that tries to erase you, and I think there definitely needs to be more wlw representation on TV and in movies

But at the same time, I would also like there to be more close female friendships like the one that me and my friend have where you can just talk about everything together and do things that society usually reserves for romantic partners, but in a platonic way. Because female friendship is really important and beautiful, whether that's between straight women like me and my friend who I think is probably straight too, or between queer women because one thing I've learnt during my short time on this blog is how queer women can have very close platonic friendships with other queer women too

I think society just has overly strict ideas of "straight" and "gay". Like for some people, they would hear about two women sleeping together and think "Oh that's gay", but not necessarily because straight women can enjoy sleeping with other women too, like it's normal 🤷‍♀️

I think it's just a result of women being a lot more physically beautiful than men are, like straight women really got the short end of the stick tbh compared to straight men

I also think it's because women are so oversexualized in the media, and obviously straight girls see that too and so we sort of internalize that attraction to women because we're so used to seeing women being presented in a sexual way? Except it's not real attraction with us like how it is for queer girls

Like I'm very much "attracted" to my friend, she's genuinely stunning and just very hot tbh. But I still identify as straight because it's just a case of what I mentioned above, it's a "fake" attraction. And also because men are afraid to compliment other men because it's seen as "gay", but women can be fully confident in their sexuality and still recognize other women's beauty and sex appeal. You see it all the time in instagram comments, and I really love how we're all so supportive of each other like that

Like I can be fully confident in my sexuality and yet still say that some women like my friend are gorgeous as hell and also 100 times better looking than most men I've seen. I'm very much obsessed with some women's appearances but in a platonic way

And I just love the concept of "girl crushes" and I think that from a feminism viewpoint, it's beautiful that we're focusing on other girls and showing love towards other girls too, instead of just to men who, let's be real, don't even fully appreciate it half of the time

I am going to be sad when we all have to return to life as usual and my friend and I won't be able to spend as much time together anymore. I'm dreading it tbh, I don't want it to end yet. And it really sucks that the physical side of our friendship will probably have to stop too once our other roommate comes back because I think she'd definitely misunderstand the situation and think it's something different than it actually is if she ever saw us kissing or something. I really am going to miss it a lot though, I really like how things currently are and it's just really really nice and I don't want it to change :/

Btw I'm sorry if I sounded fetishistic or offensive with any of this, I just get a bit jealous sometimes that you guys get to date girls and we're just stuck with men. Honestly if it wasn't for all of the homophobia and the struggles that you all have to face and the fact that it would feel disrespectful to the LGBT community, I would probably really wish I could change my sexuality to be bisexual or gay instead because I just think women are better. Sometimes I really do wish I was into women in that way because dating girls just sounds so much more appealing to me (in a non fetishizing weird way) but unfortunately I'm stuck with dating men 🤦‍♀️ But I also know I'm lucky and privileged to be straight even though most men are mediocre and kinda gross and I don't mean to be disrespectful because I know you all have to face homophobia and other LGBT difficulties and it really sucks, people are awful. There's nothing wrong with women dating women or men dating men at all, society is just ugly and bigoted

Anyway, does anybody else have a similar sort of take on Kaylor where they think they could have both been straight and just had a very close friendship with a physical side to it? I think it would explain a lot. But like I said, this is just a theory of mine based on my own situation, and I'm also open to the idea that it was an actual relationship and that they're both into women for real, not just fake "into women" like I am.

Also pls feel free to call me out if I accidentally said anything offensive towards LGBT people, I tried my best but if I made a mistake anywhere pls let me know and I'll avoid it next time!

You’re not offensive. Please stop apologizing. And we’re gonna come back to the Kaylor stuff another time because... Honey. You and I need to have a conversation for a bit.

So firstly, I’m not trying to like “diagnose” you and at the end of the day it’s your choice what you want to call yourself but... tbh you might not be straight. Sexuality is fluid not static and exists on a spectrum not in absolutes. It’s not like it’s straight, 50/50 bi, gay and you’re born knowing and there’s no room for anything else. That’s not true. There’s a lot of room in between all of these and labels can change over time. We’re people, not cereal brands, and sometimes we don’t even KNOW the word for what we might be. I’m tagging a tag for you from when we asked people to share their label journeys for you to see. It’s not simple or easy and it’s not just because of external stuff - it’s because figuring this out internally is HARD. If you found yourself having such an intense friendship it became physical, repeatedly, you liked it a lot, you still sleep in the same bed and continue to share all your thoughts and you don’t want any of that to end... I’m not sure you’re Kinsey 0. And I think you might lowkey have a girlfriend dude. 

You can obviously prefer men but like... hun I reaaallly don’t think you’re completely straight.

Also: it’s okay to say “I see myself winding up with a man and this is a situationship for right now!” but that doesn’t make you straight because again, sexuality is a spectrum and you can manifest a particular kind of endgame while experiencing other things along the way.

But here’s where you really got me: “most men are mediocre and kinda gross” and “women being a lot more physically beautiful than men are, like straight women really got the short end of the stick tbh compared to straight men” because that’s the kind of thing I used to say in my Bi 1.0 era before I ID’d as a lesbian for a bit and before Harry Styles (KING 🥺) made me bi for real. Hun, no. Straight women like men. Tbh BI women like men. I genuinely, unironically, find Harry and Timmy and Matt Smith to be sexy beasts and I would do dirty things to the former two but maybe not the latter irl in 2021 but yes also him if I could be on that Spain trip with him and Karen where they got sloshed and which I think of often. These men are genuinely fucking beautiful to me in the same way Taylor is and Di Silvers is (okay she’s prettier than all of them but like same ~vibe) and like Megan Thee Stallion is and Indira Varma in everything but especially GOT and Gillian Anderson and Keira Knightley. Like those women are HOT to me and SO. ARE. THE. MEN. 

Straight women find SO MANY DUDES hot. So many. Starting from objectively pretty options I just cannot personally understand like Chris Evans all the way through to bitches who are outchea simping for wrestlers and Cole Sprouse. Do I understand? No. But like... that’s straight girl culture and ours is not to judge. 

If you’re struggling to find men hot then... you might be gay.

Also, I’m not sure what you mean by “fake attraction”. Like queer women - especially femme women which I assume you very much are - experience the same kinds of feelings straight girls do. We have women we want to be like and look like and find enviable (me and Oenone Forbat) and women we find aesthetically gorgeous (me and Anya Taylor Joy) and we have extremely close female friends who we can spend hours on end spilling our guts to - as you say female friendships are truly special - and without going into personal people that you don’t know, that’s me and Cam and Sim right? I literally talk to them for hours. Like those are not gay feelings. And yes we can chat about those kinds of feelings with straight girls and call them “girl crushes” and not immediately get “caught out” because they experience this exact shit too.

But here’s the thing. They never do and I don’t want in the cases above to fuck these women. It’s not sexual.

The moment I can actually imagine fucking the women in question that’s... gay. 

Like it’s not “fake attraction” it’s literally just gay. That’s how we desire women. We want to fuck them. Not all women. Not always. But sometimes we want to get under or on top of one and just really truly fucking make each other moan with pleasure.

I have no idea if Karlie or Taylor are into women. They could both literally be straight. I have no idea.

But I have a better idea about you.

Hun, you’re fucking your roommate/best friend and don’t want to stop.

You’re not “into women”.

You’re into this woman.

And possibly into women more generally.

So I know it’s weird to have to be the one to tell you this, and if you want to keep chatting via anon or in my DMs or if you want me to try collate resources for you from around the web but...

Like.

Dude.

You’re a whole ass part of the rainbow.

Welcome to the community you thought you weren’t a part of earlier today 🌈 ❤️

It’s nice here, sure there’s homophobia, but at least we get to fuck girls and man is it good.

[gotham--fc]

Yeah I agree with you tbh, it’s sad that the PWHPA and NWHL / PHF ( I keep forgetting the name change lol) because I feel like the issue could’ve been resolved by now by having those big name national players bringing in fans for the leauge rather than them just pointing out the issues. Plus the split has hindered the improvement/ creation of a leauge as big sponsors have tended to sign with the PWHPA (probably due to the players in it). I’m completely rambling but like I agree in that they either need to just bite the bullet and maybe join the leauge that already exists as them coming into the leauge will improve it or make a new leauge for themselves (which has its own issues).

Also the NHL needs to help out like the NBA did, I know they have a little with like Calgary, Chicago and (I wanna say(I think ) )Toronto . And like how they had the national players in the all star games would do wonders for publicity.

(Sorry if I’m making no sense my brain is kinda frazzled rn)

(It’s the hockey person again btw 😂😂🏒)

Yeah for sure I completely agree. Especially after major international tournaments like the worlds or the Olympics when hockey is really at the forefront brands are going to look to sponsor hockey players and teams, but those players that everyone is talking about aren’t in the league, so of course they’ll sponsor the pwhpa and the national team players because that’s who’s being talked about and the nwhl gets left to fend for themselves. Obviously there’s no way to know if the league would be in a better or worse or equal place if the national team players stayed in it or came back, but I think in the long run having those stars would really help. Think about the massive increase in popularity of the nwsl after the 2019 World Cup, that was because everyone was talking about the uswnt who just won 2 World Cups in a row and the nwsl just needed to say hey you know those players guess what they play here all year round and people wanted to watch them. So many women’s leagues have seen an increase in viewers from the World Cup because people saw them on tv and then wanted to keep watching them with their clubs. The nwhl doesn’t get that so they can’t capitalize on Canada’s win at the worlds because the players don’t play there. Now I’m rambling (and I think repeating myself)

Yeah honestly I think that the pwhpa does need to figure out what their future is gonna be. If they aren’t going to rejoin the nwhl then they need to figure out what they’re doing. They can’t just never play in a league ever right? So they need to either I don’t wanna say swallow their pride but you know what I mean, they need to accept that they have to go back to the nwhl or they need to make the pwhpa into an actual league, which I agree is it’s own can of worms because if we know anything it’s how fucking hard it is to run a league. If they can make the pwhpa into an actual league and have all the things they want from it then like I am all for it, I just think that it’s harder to build a league than they realize

And you’re so right like as much I hate to say it, we need men. The money and stuff just isn’t there so we need the nhl to invest and partner with the nwhl and support them until they can stand on their own. It’s like in the wsl how the teams that do well tend to have a men’s team backing them who provides them with investment that lets them grow and improve. Obviously I would love for women’s teams and leagues to be self sustaining but we’re not there yet and we need some help to get there.

I remember during the isobel cup tournament in February (March?? Time isn’t real) on the nhl broadcasts they’d say “oh if you’re enjoying this make sure to check out the nwhl” and things like that and how a lot of teams or players were posting on social media about the tournament, like that kinda stuff is so important because you get hockey fans who don’t know about the nwhl to learn about it and then watch it and you also get those assholes who say no one cares about women’s hockey to feel like losers because their favs are all praising the nwhl and saying how much they like it

Gosh why doesn’t everyone just put us in charge we’ll have everything sorted out in no time 😂😂

[lightninginabottle0613]

50 questions ⚖️

a scale for libra season - you knew i would!!

thank you to all of these angels for tagging me & giving me a chance to learn more about your precious selves - @yanak324 @watersandwolves @kelleesioverhere @livhatesolives @thelandofnothing

what is the color of your hairbrush? black! with some silver on the handle. 

name a food you never eat? sushi. i don’t dislike it, but it’s just far enough down on my favorites list that i never choose it over something else.

are you typically too warm or too cold? almost always too cold, but that’s exactly how i like it.

what were you doing 45 minutes ago? talking to my brother. he is at sea and bought internet for the day :’)

what’s your favorite candy bar? i don’t think i have a favorite tbh. i like most candy well enough. not really a candy person, though!

have you ever been to a professional sports game? i have been to many major league baseball games, & two minor league soccer games.

what is the last thing you said out loud? “love you, too” 💘

what is your favourite ice cream? ben & jerry’s mint chocolate cookie

what was the last thing you had to drink? lemon la croix in a stemless wine glass, bc nothingggg matterrrssss 

do you like your wallet? i actually don’t, lol. it’s a little dark green designer thing that i splurged on last year, bc i thought adults needed fancy wallets. & it’s very off brand for me. i also broke the inside zipper one hour after purchasing it, when i ripped the tag off bc i was too lazy to get scissors. so that makes me hate it even more.

what is the last thing you ate? omg. loaded sweet potato fries. with cheese & fake bacon & ranch.

did you buy any new clothes last weekend? i did! just one shirt at target. a lil striped guy. as if i needed any more of those.

what’s the last sporting event you watched? the eagles/bengals game last sunday. i didn’t put it on, like ... on purpose. i was hanging out with two straight men who insisted, bc i’m from philadelphia. it was sweet of them i guess

what is your favorite flavor of popcorn? anything cheeeeesy. or just regular. but fuck a caramel corn (sorry)

who is the last person you sent a text message to? one of the aforementioned straight men

ever go camping? yes!!!!!!! camping is so cute. very into it

do you take vitamins? i am actually all out of my multivitamin, so this question has reminded me to add it to my shopping list for tomorrow.

do you regularly attend a place of worship? (don’t make a target joke, don’t make a target joke)

do you have a tan? haha

do you prefer chinese or pizza? my east coast roots all but require me to say pizza. i do love a good sesame NOODLE though

do you drink your soda through a straw? no ma’am

what color socks do you usually wear? i’ve got all sorts of colors!! right now they are white with black polka dots. team fun socks

do you ever drive above the speed limit? i mean yeah, of course. i am a self- and others-proclaimed Great Driver, though. so i will drive above the speed limit a responsible and excusable amount.

what terrifies you? birds. everyone thinks it’s a joke until they see me encounter a bird. (no, not sparrows/robins/little tiny birds that fly away when you approach them. obviously not those. they’re doing amazing.) 

look to your left, what do you see? couch cushion! i have been on the couch for five hours. 

what chore do you hate most? oh like, probably cleaning the litter box lol. that shit sucks

what do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? steve irwin (and the fact that my mom cried when he died)

what’s your favorite soda pop? diet coke, because i am ✨garbage✨

do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? drive thru!! the drive thru experience is one of my favorite things. i love cradling my lil head in my hand while i talk to the person over the intercom. pretty much flirt with every drive thru attendant i ever come across. they’re so cute. shout out to grace at my local starbucks

what’s your favorite number? another day passes where i don’t have a favorite number

who’s the last person you talked to? out loud, my brother. over text, i am talking to three (3) very cute people! one of them is yana, hey bb

favorite cut of beef? the fake kind!

last song you listened to? whistle while you work. i’m watching snow white

last book you read? lol guys, i’m a disgrace. i haven’t read a book in so long. i just don’t have the energy. all i do anymore is attend zoom meetings, cry about the news, and journal about the moon

favorite day of the week? what is a “day” of the “week”

can you say the alphabet backwards? i just attempted it. i can, but very slowly.

how do you like your coffee? iced 😇 with a splash of oat milk. but i just bought a french vanilla coconut milk creamer today. so i’m really branching out.

favorite pair of shoes? i love my white birkenstocks more than anything, but i hate exposing my feet. so probably my dad sneakers.

time you normally get up? arounnnnnd 5:00 a.m.

what do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? sunrises these days! usually far too dissociated to enjoy a sunset anymore lolllll i’m fine

how many blankets on your bed? just my main comforter, and my lil pink baby blanket that i still sleep with (balled up under my head)

describe your kitchen plates? they are pink & they are the same as yana’s

describe your kitchen at the moment? clean! except one dish in the sink. but clean, always

do you have a favorite alcoholic drink? i love a light beer! and learning to appreciate a red wine. nothing fancy.

do you play cards? almost never. i cannot stand games

what color is your car? my last three cars have accidentally been blue. the one i got in march (the first one i bought myself!!) is “cosmic blue” :’)

can you change a tire? no!! someone teach me though, i want to learn

your favorite state? pennsylvania, for better or for worse. 

favorite job you’ve had? 2018 me would be dying at current me even thinking of admitting this, but the one i have right now! it has taught me more than any job i’ve ever had, and introduced me to some of my favorite people, and treated me incredibly well during a time when so many have lost everything. cannot complain even slightly (although i most definitely do, and will continue to)

tagging: everyone that i would’ve tagged has already done this lol damn it guys!! @beautifulinsanesanity have you done this? idk. if you’ve made it this far & haven’t done it yet, then please consider yourself tagged.

-

🛑 IF YOU LIVE IN AMERICA - HI! ONE MONTH UNTIL ELECTION DAY! are you registered to vote (if you’re of age)? are you aware of how fucked we are if we don’t mobilize to get this ogre out of office? vote early if you can. vote in person if you can. volunteer to be a poll worker if you can. just ... literally please lol. i’m so tired.

love u.

[ywhiterain]

i must confess... i'm not opposed to d*therine as a thing? maybe that's because i hate damon though. him getting what he used to want. or, what he still wants (pre-series). or, him still into his brother's girl but settling for katherine. and him being miserable in all of these scenarios. d*therine is the perfect relationship to make sure he will be miserable for eternity. <3

haha that’s not what I want. My ideal Datherine is season three with frienemy vibes and occasionally being forced to admit they still care about each other. Like my read of Katherine/Damon is that she cared about him. Not like with Elijah or Stefan. But he meant something to her, it’s just he didn’t mean everything to her. I kinda like the idea of Damon confronting that Kathrine was never the goddess who’d save or damn him, but like a person. Though Damon’s ability to see anyone as a person instead of an object for his own means is really hard to buy with later developments tbh.

My feelings on Damon are this: he should have died with Katherine after saving Stefan and never getting to see Elena again. The writing for Damon was always shit, but this was a hobbled together ending that mostly worked. Damon actually sacrificing himself and his deepest desires so that Stefan could get the human life he’d always wanted is about as good as they could ever get without lots of therapy.

In terms of fanfic, I either want Damon not really redeemed and in an incestuous threesome with Stefan and Elena that spans centuries and continents with blood and death and trauma everywhere. As for a potentially redeemed Damon, I really only think that’s possible if he gives up on getting what he wants from Stelena (Elena as his lover, Stefan as his devoted little brother) and rebuilds it into something else or lets them go all together. Or at least Stefan and Elena being allowed to break things off and come back to him on their own terms after they’ve done some major healing.

And this is not about who ~deserves forgiveness and redemption for all the shitty things they’ve all done. It’s about how Damon refuses to actually treat Stefan and Elena as anything other than objects for his pleasure outside of a handful of moments here and there.

And I love Bamon. But I’m gonna be real. The reason I’m trying to see if I can pull off a Bonnie/Damon relationship that lasts in my stupid mpreg of doom because the chemistry between Ian and Kat was so potent that I’m mad they never kissed. I mean the narrative is basically the same as his relationship with Stefan and Elena but like Ian and Kat really wanted to make out as Bonnie and Damon and they weren’t even hiding it in later seasons and racism is the only reason it didn’t happen on some level at some time and I do think Damon at his best could be good for Bonnie. You can make the same case with Stefan and Elena, but Nina as Elena always looks uncomfortable or afraid with him. And season eight of TVD was such a terrible hot mess for Stefan that I actually wanted him to have a happily ever after with Elena when I’ve never really been super pro marriage and babies ever after but after that hot mess I was like D::::::::: just let this horrible man rest with his wife a la Davina/Kol pls. And like Steroline was such a hot mess I actually started shipping Klaus/Caroline because at least Joe and Candice have this peppy. Sure it doesn’t fit their their story but you know at least Caroline was alive and motived around him and Stefan’s inability to smile on his fucking wedding day almost made me mad at Stefan? Wtf happened there?!?!?? Let them stay friends. They were great together. Their romance should have been them having slumber parties and scheming to destroy Damon’s room not whatever they became. 

er like I don’t know if I’d classify my feelings as Damon as hate because he’s interesting with my favorite characters (Stefan, Elena, Bonnie and god help me he and Elijah are fun to watch together). But like my true ideal Damon ending would have been him dying in season two and Elena and Stefan navigating trying to survive that while everyone else around them cheered because Damon is a cockroach they all stopped trying to kill for some reason.

ALSO I’M STILL ANGRY THAT STEFAN NEEDED TO PAY FOR KILLING OFF ENZO, WHO IS A WALMART BRAND OF DAMON SALVATORE AND DAMON SALVATORE IS TARGET BRAND KLAUS BUT DAMON KILLING TYLER? TYLER WHO IS ONE OF THE FEW SHITTY MEN IN THIS SHOW WHO GOT HIS ACT TOGETHER AND BECAME A GOOD MAN? TYLER WHOSE LIFE WAS WRECKED OVER AND OVER BUT SOMEHOW STILL MANAGED TO CRAWL OUT OF THE DARKNESS AND BECOME A LEADER AND MENTOR FOR WEREWOLVES? DAMON KILLS HIM BUT NO ONE CARES FUCK THAT!!!

like haha. yeah. Damon killing Tyler and getting off scott free while Stefan agonized over killing Enzo of all people and was punished so heavily for it was just me being So Over This Hot Mess That I Mostly Find Funny Because It Was So Bad But That’s Some Extra Bullshit.

err like not Bonnie’s part. She was practically a saint about it because she’s not allowed to be angry. But the writers being all oh no Stefan can’t ever be redeemed because he killed walmart Damon is just so???? No. Stefan can’t be redeemed because he a fucking serial killer you morons. Either give Stefan his happy ending or punish him for the shit he’s actually responsible you asshats. 

true story: i wrote out enzo of my mpreg of doom because I hate him and resent that he’s apparently Bonnie’s true love. Either give us Jeremy/Bonnie, Damon/Bonnie, or develop a proper love interest with her that plays to Kat’s strengths or go the fuck home. And when I truly loathe a character my choice is to ignore and erase him. 

also true story: Damon and Stefan will get a better place in my mpreg of doom because I love @ruthseriouslydothis and she deserved a better defan. 

[drunklander]

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 509

So this episode had some all-to-brief moments I really liked, a moment where I was definitely laughing at it and not with it, and a whole lot of Jamie being an ableist douchecanoe with a side of toxic masculinity.

The scene where Marsali calls Claire her Ma is the sweetest fucking thing. I have diabetes now. Their relationship is literally like my favorite thing about this season. (What little we’ve actually gotten of it...)

Also thank fuck she’s not gonna be preggo anymore. I swear, she’s gonna pop out a walking, talking toddler.

Also it took me longer to type that than the scene took. Can we please get more good character stuff that lasts more than fucking 0.5 seconds? Is that really too much to ask?

Hard pass on the Bree and Roger stuff, but I am 1000% here for babies swearing so Jem can stay.

Did they cast a blonde baby though so it could pass as Bonnet’s? Or did they not actually put any thought into that?

Jamie shading Roger when he asks Bree to go hunting is like the only time he’s not a douchenozzle this episode.

I know we’re supposed to be like fully on board with Roger by this point, since Jamie is by the end of the episode, but nah. I’m cool with still not liking or caring about him.

There is so much grunting and groaning in this episode it’s like the opposite of an ASMR video.

The noises in this episode are like the equivalent of someone saying “moist” over and over.

Oh hey, my favorite color! DYE ALL THE THINGS!

Seriously though, Lizzie is like that weird kid in high school that never actually has a glow up. “It’s a good day for dyeing.” I’m sorry the writers hate you so much, Lizzie.

Omfg, finally, a Claire and Bree scene that is [mostly] not about men! More of these, please. And more of Claire and Marsali. And more of Bree and Marsali. Can we please have an episode of just the ladies where the men are never mentioned?

But gee, I wonder if Bree’s engineering is gonna come back at some point this episode. Hmmm...

Ok they’ve talked about going back like almost every episode. Can Bree and fam please just go back in the finale and get it over with?

Irrationally angry at Roger for how much time he wastes just dicking around the woods because he has no idea where anything is.

Also like, buddy, if you shoot off your gun and then immediately peace out, folks are gonna come looking for you in the wrong spot...

Omfg, Jamie is like literally dying and the priority is to tell someone to go do some murder. Yes, Bonnet is straight garbage. Def won’t be sad when he’s dead, and given how he has everyone who’s anyone in his pocket, murder’s probs the only way to get rid of him. But like, take the testosterone down a notch, bro.

Jamie went from “stay and take care of the Ridge” to “all y’all gotta get the fuck outta here” *rull* quick.

Aaand is this the start of Roger wanting to be a minster? Jamie talked about his father the soldier, but he wants to follow in his other father’s footsteps? Def would be a better fucking reason than “I wanna get close and friendly with the ladies in a way that’s mildly creepy and don’t want people to think I’m cheating.”

“Dinna tell me ye don’t have snakes in yer time.” Ok but like Marsali is right there. Are we supposed to assume she knows? I swear to fuck if we got cheated out of her and Fergus finding out about Claire...

Nurse!Marsali is legit my favorite and my favorite adaptive choice the show made in a long fucking time.

Claire telling Jamie she doesn’t need to inject the penicillin into his bum is the fucking cutest.

Glad they did the “you’re not yelling at me so I must be dying” scene, it’s adorable. One good thing before Jamie turns into a twat.

Like seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you, buddy. He’s obsessed with being “whole”. Always has been. It’s lowkey a bit gross, tbh.

Ableism is never a good look, bro.

Like oh hey, Claire, you left everything and traveled through time to come be with me, but if I can’t have my leg, then sorry, that’s just a sacrifice I’m not willing to make. Fuck you, dude. Fuuuck you.

“Well people of this time see the child as proof that... That you were a willing participant, because God wouldna allow a child to be conceived through... Rape.” IT’S NOT JUST THAT TIME, ROGER. WE STILL LIVE IN THE BAD PLACE.

“It seems to me, from what I understand from doctors, that’s really rare,” Mr. Akin said of pregnancies from rape. “If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down."

Friendly reminder that the Republican Party is evil and if you support them you are a garbage person or an idiot. :)

I said what I said, @ me and get blocked.

Literalol at Bree getting punted by a fucking buffalo. Like that is the most unintentionally hilarious fucking thing ever.

Like seriously, that bit was dumb af in the book and it’s dumber af here because the CGI or whatever the fuck composite it was is so fucking terrible.

I fucking love that Claire and Bree talk to each other like equals. The mutual love and respect there is great. More of them together, please and thank you.

But also like, fuck Jamie for making Claire thing she’d lose his love if she saves his life by taking his leg. Fuck him, selfish asshat. What a fucking bastard.

She’d risk losing his love to save him. She loves him that much. And he’s willing to make her feel this pain because he doesn’t want to be crippled.

CLAIRE FUCKING ELIZABETH FUCKING BEAUCHAMP FUCKING DESERVES FUCKING BETTER. FUCK.

Young Ian calling Jamie on his complete and utter offensive bullshit is my fucking everything.

FUCKING PREACH, YOUNG IAN. FUCKING PREACH.

Put some respect on Ian Murray’s name, James Fraser. And show some fucking respect for your fucking son.

YOUNG IAN AND FERGUS, MY BROTP RIDES AGAIN!

I love this scene between the them. I really hope we get more with the two of them. GIVE ME ALL THE FRASER KIDDO BONDING, YOU COWARDS.

Marsali and Fraser are literally my favorite couple on the whole damn show. Can Young Ian move in with them and then the whole show can just be about that squad? Because ngl, I’d watch the fuck out of it.

Gah, I want to feel what they want me to feel with this scene between Jamie and Claire. This should be my brand of angst. But they made Jamie be such a twat that all I feel is sorry for Claire that she’s going through this.

I WANNA GIVE CLAIRE A HUG OK.

LOOOOOOL THE RESUSCITATIVE HANDJOB!

(Named such by Bonnie.)

Fuck you that it took a deathbed handy to realize that you should fucking live, Jamie.

Yes, I know it’s Claire that made him live, but she was literally there all day begging to save him and he fucking blew her off. Fuck that guy.

Fergus is a fucking adorable father. Fergus is fucking adorable in general. I just fucking love Fergus a lot.

His face when Marsali goes into labor is fucking hilariously precious.

Oh hey, Jamie realizes he was a dick! I can’t remember the last time that happened. Notice how he doesn’t actually say he’s sorry though. He never, ever does that. That’s just asking too much of our oh so glorious king of men. *vomits onto keyboard*

MIT to the rescue! (Did they ever say Bree transferred in the show? Or are they still pretending like women went to Harvard at that time?)

Claire talking to babies is my kink.

Aaand just like that, the toxic masculinity is back in full force. Le sigh.

I’m so tired of men, tbh.

Except Adso. And Fergus. And Jem. And Germain. And Young Ian.

Ok so Jamie resigned himself to die after Culloden. And I get that. I fucking 100% get that. He thought Claire was gone. Him being alive was a risk to Jenny and Ian’s family. But here? He resigned himself to die? Instead of fighting like hell to survive? To stay with his wife? His daughter? His son? His nephew? His grandkids? Fuck you, Jamie Fraser. Fuck you that fighting for them wasn’t your first choice.

I came back because I have to fight in a war. God says so. Ugh.

Like yes, there is a war coming. And as we’ve been beaten over the head with for years, ThE pAsT iS dAnGeRoUs FoR tHe LaDiEs so he needs to be there to protect them. But like come on, dude. That can be a secondary reason. I know he’s like oh I don’t need to say I came back because I love you because you know I’ll always love you. But like, maybe fucking prioritize it here, bro. Just a thought.

Ugh, men.

#EternalMood

[sirsapling]

MORE TAGGED POSTS

I got tagged in a bunch more things I didn't respond to fast enough, so UNDER THE CUT THEY GO. 

I have too many things to respond to, so I won't be tagging, but consider yourself tagged if you want to do any.

IT’S THE LITTLE THINGS

Tagged by the wonderful @bardingbeedle​

Pass the happy!🌻🌿 When you receive this, list 5 things that make you happy and send this to 10 of the last people in your notifications!

Lying in warm blankets in an cold room. Bonus points for snow outside.

A fresh Buzz cut

Talking to @bardingbeedle​

Having long, passionate rambles about the Marvel Ultimates

Hashbrowns, bacon, maple syrup, maybe a pancake, and a sausage too.

Tagged by the chaotic @s-hylor​

top 3 cities you want to visit: Toronto, again. Colorado (I know its a state not a city I just want to visit ashes AND GET SNOW). And I would like to go back to Italy again. (I also want to visit, just, all of my fandom friends but I don't want to drop all their locations lol)

favorite marvel character: Ults!Steve Rogers and then Ults!Tony Stark. Not counting stony, Anthony the brain tumor, and not counting clones, Gregory Stark.

white chocolate - yay or nay?: Love it, love it, love it.

favourite board game: God Save The Queens- A board game about Bees I invented with 3 other people at University last year for a project.

how many countries have you been to: 10, I have been very luckily graced with the ability to travel to Europe with school a lot.

(Wales, France, Belgium, Germany, Switzerland, America [Florida, Boston, New York], Spain, Portugal, Italy, and finally Canada.)

favorite thing to do on a rainy day: Anything indoors I might usually feel guilty about doing when its sunny. Tv or games particularly

favorite holiday: Christmas. I am a Christmas slut, call me festive sapling I LOVE Christmas.

pen or pencil: Pen. I once bought 7 in lisbon at the same time bc they were perfect and I didn't want to run out.

favourite kind of soup: Cupasoup Chicken noodle, I don't really like soups tbh, I like broths, and gravy type things I make too much of and eat like a soup (like golden Currys or korma sauces)

your typical order at a cafe or coffee shop: Caramel Frappucino or an iced Mocha. If I'm gonna pay a fuck tonne for coffee I'm gonna get a drinkable dessert.

favorite ride at an amusement park: Any slow rides that show you shit, like spaceship earth at EPCOT. I’m not really a speed dude.

the color of your sneakers: RED, red shoes are the shit folks, a good pair of red converse goes with everything.

favorite pbs show (or little kids show if you didn’t have pbs):  Uh I used to watch pokemon then winnie the pooh every single night. But little little kids show I used to watch a show called 64 zoo lane with my grandma so I have fond memories

Rules: name your favorite female characters from 10 different fandoms, then tag 10 people.

Tagged by the wonderful @ashes0909​

Natasha Romanov - Marvel Cinematic Universe

Carol Danvers - Marvel 616

Janet Van Dyne - Marvel Ultimates

Izumi Curtis - Full Metal Alchemist

Martha Jones - Doctor Who

Garnet - Steven Universe (if she doesn't count bc, space rock, Connie)

Rosa Diaz - Brooklyn 99

Ann Perkins  - Parks and Rec

Princess Caroline - Bojack Horseman

Pam Poovey - Archer

LOOK I know there was a lot of cheating here, but I don't have non marvel fandoms really, and I have a hard time remembering a lot of the TV I enjoyed.

Rules: Share your top 10 AO3 additional tags. Tagged by the mysterious @nigmuff​

look I don't know if I have enough tags to make this a justified representation, but the ones shown are v much on brand.

Fanfic trope meme

I was tagged by the delightful @capnstars​ and @crownofstardustandbone​

slowburn or love at first sight // fake dating or !!!secret dating!!! // enemies to lovers or best friends to lovers // oh no there’s only one bed or long-distance correspondence // hurt/comfort or amnesia // fantasy au or modern au // mutual pining or domestic bliss // smut AND fluff // canon-compliant or fix-it  // reincarnation or character death // one-shot or multi-chapter // kid fic or road trip fic // arranged marriage or accidental marriage // high school romance or !!!!middle-aged romance!!! // time travel or isolated together // neighbours or roommates  // sci-fi or magic au // body swap or genderbend  // angst or crack // apocalyptic or mundane

Look guys, I’m boring. I like domestic 30-40 year olds in secret relationships. We knew this.

And now buckle the fuck down folks because I'm about to answer 50 questions about me no one is gonna stick around and read.

tagged by @bardingbeedle​ the only person who would put up with reading this much about me.

What is the colour of your hairbrush?

I have a buzz cut, I don't have a hair brush anymore.

Are you typically too warm or too cold?

Too warm. I have been warmer than most people my whole life, and I often need to sleep with a fan on.

What were you doing 45 minutes ago?

Working on a sketch for an MTH fill (update from the end of this: I have spent an hour doing this fuckin thing)

What is your favourite candy bar?

Bounty. My favourite candy is Reese’s Pieces but I like a bounty. Or like, and chocolate without fruit in it tbh.

Have you ever been to a professional sports event?

Yes, one of my parents referees Championship Football here in the UK. I have been to a few of his games. I also went to the London 2012 Paralympic closing ceremony, if that counts.

What is the last thing you said out loud?

‘Oh, this will last me a few days’ I was talking to my mother about 1/2 a can of pringles, I was lying.

What is your favourite ice cream?

Vanilla. I am boring. But the best ice cream i’ve had was a cream/milk flavoured gelato in Florence, that shit slapped. I also like cheap strawberry ice cream when no one is trying to put strawberry bits in it.

What was the last thing you had to drink?

Dinner. A spinach, banana, summer fruits and coconut yoghurt smoothie (with extra raspberries). Its my nightly dinner to cheat more veg into my body.

Do you like your wallet?

Very much. It’s about 7-8 years old, it is faded to hell but it has spiderman and a pony ride stony pin

What was the last thing you ate?

See above smoothie comment, but if that doesn't count, a sugar free mint polo.

Did you buy any new clothes last weekend?

Nope. I don't buy as many clothes as I want to, bc mens clothes in larger sizes are hard to find or expensive here.

The last sporting event you watched?

F1, I don't keep up but I watch a little with my dad every now and then.

What is your favourite flavour of popcorn?

BUTTER. They don't really have it here, and I don't go to movies much when in the states. But @festiveferret​ introduced me to it when we saw Ant-man and the Wasp, and much like poutine and Tim Hortons, I still crave it.

Who is the last person you sent a text message to?

My dad. 

Ever go camping?

Yes, I was a Scout. I have done enough camping to not want to do more, it was fun when I wasn't organising it.

Do you take vitamins?

Yes, but not as often as I should, and as much as my mother bothers me too.

Do you go to church every Sunday?

Nope, not even when I considered myself christian. I go only go to church for other peoples events, and I’m an agnostic now.

Do you have a tan?

I cannot tan. I just can't, I burn lobster red in 5 minutes outside without literal sun cream for BABIES

Do you prefer Chinese food or pizza?

Chinese food, It was easily what taught me to like more foods also, I don't eat tomato so I can't have most pizza. I love a good garlic base/bechamel, but you can't really get that here easily (yes yes I could make my own but that ruins half the point of pizza)

Do you drink your soda with a straw?

I don't drink carbonated drinks, because its like drinking pain. The fuck is wrong with all of you.

What colour socks do you usually wear?

Various colours, but I consider red on the left, blue on the right, my lucky socks. No I don't know why, but I take all exams and interviews wearing them. It’s just a thing.

Do you ever drive above the speed limit?

I don't drive, but if I did, No. Theres a lot of questionable laws out there but Traffic laws aren't one of them.

What terrifies you?

Pfft, most things from spiders to rollercoasters. But more seriously, Being shouted at. Shout at me and I start hyperventilating, its a thing. Also not knowing if someone is mad at me. I’m not good at reading people,

Look to your left, what do you see?

The wallet shown earlier, and the sugar free polos mentioned after that.

What chore do you hate?

Vacuuming. It makes everything in my body hurt. I would rather clean toilets.

What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent?

@s-hylor​

What’s your favourite soda?

See above. I do not like your pain liquid. Apple juice for life.

Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thrus?

Either delivery or kiosk, I don't like talking to people where possible, I often need tweaks I don't want to have to remember to repeat.

Who’s the last person you talked to?

@downeyhills​

Favourite cut of beef?

I don't generally eat beef, lamb, or most red meats. I love crispy chilly beef, but as anyone can point out its bc your generally don't feel the texture of the beef.

Last song you listened to?

Everybody Wants to Rule the World | Tears for Fears | Pomplamoose

I’m on a Pomplamoose kick, and I also just love this song anyway.

Last book you read?

Understanding Comics (The invisible Art) - Scott McCloud

Favourite day of the week?

Friday nights. The weekend is ahead and @loraneldin​ and I take to wrangling our beloved usual suspects through another week of Ults Book Club.

Can you say the alphabet backwards?

I can barely say it forwards.

How do you like your coffee?

With milk and sugar, or ultimately, in a Caramel Frappuccino bc I'm a bitch like that.

Favourite pair of shoes?

I have walking boots that don't make my flat ass feet feel like they’re dying. OR my black and green crocs (Fight me, they’re useful).

The time you normally go to sleep?

9-10 is what I'm working on, but I fluctuate depending on if I'm working on something or not.

The time you normally get up?

5-6 If I have a choice in the matter, but often 7-8 if I didn't get to bed at the right time. I’m more about getting the right hours in for my diet than time specifically.

What do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets?

Sunset is the prettiest, but I like to be awake to see the sun rise.

How many blankets on your bed?

One big thick comforter, because that's the uk standard, and I get too hot otherwise.

Describe your kitchen plates

Two types, big wide white ones with a navy blue rim. They are so large I never use them, and little Navy saucer plates I use a lot.

Do you have a favourite alcoholic beverage?

I don't drink, so no. I drink apple juice or Shirley temples when I'm in pubs/bars

Do you play cards?

Sometimes, I like to teach people to play Old Maid. It’s the monopoly of card games.

What colour is your car?

Again, I do not drive. 

Can you change a tire?

I am aware I just said I don't have a car, but I do know how to change a tire. Everyone should go learn its pretty simple.

Favourite job you’ve ever had?

I have only had one job really and two job experience jobs. I did experience in a school library for a week and that was v fun and chill. I did all the jobs they had prepared for me in 2 days so I alphabetically reorganised their fiction section for the rest of the week. I LIKE ORDERING.

How did you get your biggest scar?

I no longer have a gallbladder, so I have 3 scars across my torso from that, the biggest right in the middle of my ribs. Non surgical wise I have matching scars on my knees from ripping holes in them when tripping. I have weak ankles and also I got both of those at different times.

What did you do today that made someone else happy?

I gave my spare animal crossing Iguanodon skull to a wicked artist I follow on twitter so he could complete his dino park. 

[0ld-fangirl-tings]

Branded | Part I

Disclaimer: This is my very first fanfic. I really like the Mafia AU’s. The GodFather movies are hands down my favorites. I have always wondered what it would be like to be in that kind of life. Please be kind, like I said this is my first time doing this (It’s very pretentious for me to even believe people will read this TBH). I have been working on this particular story since April. I have a lot written but and I think what I will have to do is break this down into parts. I did focus on Shownu in this one but I have been thinking that later on I will move on to something where I do like an ‘optional bias’ story. Enjoy! 😁

Genre : ShownuMafia!AU, Female!Assassin, Shownu X FemaleReader, eventual fluff, eventual smut(?), ANGST

Warning: Violence (a lot of it), mentions of rape, murder, violence against women, a lot of abuse, scars (emotional and physical)

Word count : 1.5K

A killer through and through. You have gone your whole life being feared for who you were. You hated that you were a contract killer for Seoul’s underworld. You hated everything about the underworld though you thrived in it. All the syndicates wanted you, The Scarfaced Witch, on their side. You vowed to never wear a syndicate’s brand, but when your first love appears in the city again with a Syndicate of his own and an unknown agenda... You would be willing to cast aside anything for his sake.

Part I

You had been following him for a few weeks now. You wanted to know more about him. Staying in the shadows carefully to stay out of his view was easy but the overwhelming feeling you had to just run over and hold him was hard to bury. You know he doesn't remember you. Its been too long and he was someone of importance now.

You had heard of the handsome newcomer of the MX syndicate almost a year or so ago but didn't care. You don't care about any of the syndicates to be honest. You knew all of them to be backstabbing, lowlife, assholes. You weren’t any better no matter how much you want to think that you have morals and ethics.

You spotted him while leaving a job, you had accidentally walked into a meeting being held in a back alley of a club. You tried to leave but when your eyes locked on the smooth tan face and pouty lips, you were stuck in your tracks.

Son Hyun Woo. The man you will always care for. Your heart beats fast every time you see him. Memories of the streets flash across your eyes. The summer nights where he would leave a plate of food out near the Dumpster outside his home. Carefully wrapped for you. The nights you spent sitting in silence with him while he watched you eat. He was one of the two only people in this world that showed you any care.

You would never forget the day when you went back to your meeting spot and saw he was being pushed around by other boys. You ran to defend him. You shielded Shownu as one of the boys grabbed a sharp stick and struck you in the back instead. You still carry the long deep scar from that stick. You turned around and to took a glass bottle to the side of the boy’s head. The boy’s mother demanded you be punished. Shownu's father slapped him when he defended you in front of the police, his father told him that he would not have a son who mixed with street urchins. The looks you and Shownu exchanged for the last time as your were dragged away was heart breaking to you, even to this day. You ended up in Juvenile Detention and when you finally left 2 years later, Shownu was no where to be found.

Now he was back in the city and had his hands in all sorts of business, from what you hear, most of the business was underhanded. This fact surprised you. The Shownu you knew was quiet and shy. You knew his father used to beat him all the time for being 'weak'. You caught him many times near the Dumpster crying because of it.  You were intrigued by the new Shownu.

⬛  ⬛  ⬛

You watch from your black Jaguar as he gets out of his large black SUV. He is talking and laughing with his men then takes a call. His face gets serious. He nods and looks at his men. You can't decipher what he is saying but see him motion for his men to stay back.

"You fucking idiot. Where are you going alone?" You whisper. You watch as his men look at each other confused but they apprehensively listen to their boss. You follow behind the SUV carefully.

You find his car again outside of The Kitten Room. You had been in the underworld scene long enough to know good things don't happen in there. You walk to the entrance and see Han, the bouncer, you give him a nod and he lets you in without question. You hear the moans if the club goers in line behind you. You head up to the meeting rooms on the floor above.

You walk around a corner to see some double doors. You collect yourself the best you can and walk by the door. Its quiet. There are murmurs of a conversation. You feel a rush of relief. Its just a regular meeting. He is fine. You decide you should wait for him outside and start to turn away. As you turn you hear a crash and grunts. You heart clenches and you run through the double doors.

You look at the 2 large men in the room and Shownu on his knees. You put on a mask of composure.

"Oh! So sorry!! I was looking for the restroom." You say. You recognize the henchmen. They are Seungri's men. Seungri hates getting his own hands dirty. "What's up guys?!" You say as you close the door. One of the men look at you as the other takes another go at Shownu's face.

"What are you doing here?" The larger of the two men say. You shrug and put your hands in your jacket pockets.

"Nothing really. I had a job nearby. What uh...is going on here?" You ask.

"None of your fucking business bitch." You flinch at the name calling.

"Hey now!" You throw up your hands in surrender. "There’s no need for that! I thought we were friends." You say. The large man stares at you and smiles.

"I don't really know Seungri-sshi wants him gone." He says and takes a sip from a glass of dark liquor. You stand by the doors, hands behind your back, and are able to lock them without the men noticing. You push off the doors and walk closer to the scene.

"Oh. Why? Is he like, important?" You ask.

The other man is out of breath and taps the first man on the shoulder to indicate his turn. Shownu has tape over his mouth and his hands are tied behind him. There is a cut on his beautiful face and blood is pouring out with every hit.

"He's taking away too much business." The other man says who takes a seat. You hide your hands not wanting to show that they are balled up in white knuckled rage. There was no doubt in your mind you were gonna kill these men. And you wanted it to be slow.

"Ah. But like...why is he tied up?" You ask.

"Why wouldn't he be?" Shownu looks at you and then the men. The defiant look in his eyes makes you smile. He is daring them to hit him again with his eyes. This was different from the reserved kid you used to know.

"You know what I hate though.." You say as you walk to the seat where second man is seated. "Honestly more than anything what I hate about this underworld scene is that there is no sense of integrity. You have this man defenseless and you are clearly at an advantage. More than that your boss is such a fucking pussy bitch that he can't do this shit himself." The men turn to look at you. Shownu is breathing heavily and barely can lift his head.

"You scar faced bitch--" the first man charges towards you and in a swift motion you take your hunters knife across his throat. You relish as the man drops to his knees in front of you. Blood gushing through his fingers. It all happens so quickly that the second man just stares in surprise.

"I don't like the name calling.” You say as you kick the man down and watch as he slowly becomes lifeless. You look up at the second man and nod your head at him in acknowledgment. You lift your arms and make a gesture to come here. He lifts his glass and throws it at you. You duck but the man was quick for his size. He is in front of you and gets a hit in. You are swayed with the force and drop your knife. He comes towards you again. His punches feel like trucks. You duck and cover and grab your knife again. Shownu makes a grunt at you and before you can look up you feel the weight of the man take over you. He stands above you his hands on your throat. The knife is in your reach. As your vision starts to turn black you feel the hilt of your knife. You muster your strength and hit him in the eye with the blunt end of the knife. He takes his hands off and you take the opportunity to get the knife in his jugular. The blood sprays over you. You feel the warmth and let it sink in. You wait for him to become motionless and take deep breaths. You push him off and stand. You stare at the man and kick at the lifeless body as hard as you can while screaming profanity. You hate that he had the upper hand on you.

You blink back to reality and turn to face Shownu. He can barely keep his eye open but he stares at you intensely. You walk around him to help with his restraints but he flinches away.

"I’m sorry i just wanna get these off. I'll be careful." You don't touch him again till you see him nod.

He manages to take the tape off his mouth. You stand and pry your knife out of the man. You wipe the blood off and have your back to Shownu. "You need to call your boys and get outta here. Hurry." You say. "I'll stay till they come. I won't leave you alone."

"Who ... Who are you?" You still have your back turned to him. You turn around and smile brightly. "Oh no one special. I was kinda bored and passing through." He stares at you with a grimace. Then doubles over. You run to him.

"Are you okay? Fuck. You need to call your men." You say. He lets out another groan and he coughs up blood. You put your hands to your head. "Fuck fuck fuck... No fuck this. Let’s go."

...cont’d

Part II

[nomoreemails]

why aren’t we all talking about how bad it feels to be alive

Sometimes, when I’m on drugs, I have a great time and can watch a whole season of Planet Earth and be totally ecstatic about sloths, or lie on the ground in the dark joyfully listening to a really bad album on repeat. But recently, more often than not, I’ll think one single solitary thought about climate change or mass shootings or U.S. imperialism or the opioid crisis or the state-sanctioned obesity in the Pacific Islands and spiral until I’m thinking about all of those things at once and having a complete fucking meltdown. I’ve also developed pretty bad insomnia since moving to New York. You can probably guess why. 

I’ve finally come to accept that I mostly hate living here. There are a lot of reasons, chiefly among them that everyone here is obsessed with developing a brand and also that in most cases I would rather individually pull 30 hairs out of my head than try to get from point A to point B. But living here also forces you to face the reality of the United States, which is that economic and social mobility are a lie. Cities like this are sites of two class tiers, one for the “knowledge class,” college-educated people who work in fields like engineering, writing, business, policy, etc — for whom upwards mobility actually is attainable — and then the other sector that performs service work for them. 

Obviously there’s some overlap (if I hear one more Brooklynite who works in publishing and went to an Ivy League lament their second restaurant job they need to pay the bills, I’ll scream), but if you’ve ever lived in a major U.S. city you’ve probably observed this too. Every day I watch my Twitter feed (mostly white, liberal, college-educated folks who also work in journalism) wring their hands over Amazon warehouse conditions and taxi driver suicides and wage theft at the hands of the gig economy, and then we all go home and open packages delivered Amazon workers, take Ubers because they’re cheaper, get food delivered by some guy who almost died five times trying to bike to your place and then gets his tips stolen by his employer. I don’t think it makes you a bad person to use these services. But, personally, every time I think about how boundlessly I have exploited labor invisible to me for the sake of minor conveniences, I want to stab myself in the face. Does everyone else feel like that?

All this to say — I feel suffocated, on a daily basis, by all the ways that I’m complicit no matter what I do. I’m overwhelmed by everything all the time. It’s hard to respond to texts or be present in my relationships when so much of what’s on my mind is so abjectly wretched, especially when the source has little to do with me and my choices (which my friends can advise me upon) and everything to do with the external world (which they can’t). 

A few days ago I posted something to my Instagram story in the middle of the night, after hours of staring at my ceiling in the dark. Against a black background, it read: “Do u ever get super stoned and end up on the most depressing rabbit hole imaginable on wikipedia and cry and lie in bed awake thinking that all of human modernity was a mistake and that u wish we could all just die off immediately in a mass extinction? 🌟it’s great🌟”. This seemed to hit a nerve among my friends: within minutes, one responded with that laughing-but-also-crying emoji; another said “tbh yeah,” another said, with utmost sincerity, “every time, which is why I can’t get stoned anymore.” 

So, everyone else does feel like this? Is any of this normal? How is anyone expected to be functional under the system of exploitation designed hundreds of years ago by a bunch of megalomaniacal men who created the self-destructing dystopia we live in? Every day I trudge to work, sit at my desk, read the news, wonder why I bothered to get out of bed. Am I actually, I don’t know, clinically depressed and anxious, or am I just experiencing run-of-the-mill side effects of living under the circumstances we do? 

For many of my peers and me, it feels especially cursed to be in in our early twenties right now. On top of everything else….. our personal lives suck, by definition, and nothing we care about matters. Why try to improve your work situation (in which you’re likely getting underpaid in a position you’re overqualified for, or being treated like a weasel, or maybe both), pay off your student debt, learn anything about personal finances, figure out what you want to do with your life, have any long-term dreams at all when there’s a very real possibility you’ll die suddenly in a shooting or slowly, excruciatingly, with climate change? 

I used to despair over other things, like: whether to choose an easy, comfortable lifestyle by becoming an engineer, or going another route. If working any job at all would inevitably compromise my principles, one way or another. Whether I felt authenticity and fulfillment in my relationships. The yearning for community and belonging. The moral backing of my day-to-day actions, or lack thereof. (And also, obviously: whether to buy those shoes, what to do with my eyebrows, if I was gaining weight, if I was losing weight.)

I still think about most of those things, but now it feels luxurious to agonize over interior minutiae, to ignore the larger existential scarcity of participating in a society and a world in decline.

I find it frankly insane that in the span of one hour I can think such thoughts as “if Tobin Heath and Christen Press aren’t secretly married I’ll kill myself” and “I wonder how much money is in my 401(k)” and also, as I survey the absurd amount of trash my household has generated in two days, “what’s the point of existing if all I do is put permanent garbage on this planet?” I mean, I’m not even going to see whatever’s in my 401(k) until the year 2060 — what am I expecting, to have a totally normal and chill retirement because the world in 2060 will be totally normal and chill? I’m not even really expecting to be alive in 2060. What’s the point of plotting out my trajectory, financial and otherwise, for even the next ten years, much less 40, when pretty soon we’re all probably going to be living in bunkers eating cockroach jelly as we watch artificial projections of polar bears and sequoias? 

Being alive right now kind of feels like experiencing the churning annihilation of stability, of beauty, of moral purpose, of all the things I’ve believed since childhood I would live my life pursuing. 

On an ethical basis, I want to resist cynicism, keep myself from acclimating to the barrage of atrocities brought upon by the Trump era, stay despairing, stay angry. On a practical basis, I also want to remain functional. It’s an impossible psychological position to straddle, like giving myself a black eye every night to remind myself to feel pain while doing a job that fully depends on my having an unbruised face. When, for example, another mass shooting happens, I almost feel myself having an out-of-body experience, knowing that it never stops being sickening and astonishing but also that it has become common, unremarkable, and that to be able to get out of bed and go to work and blandly say good when someone blandly asks how are you and see my friends and talk about anything other than how awful everything is, I have to be able to raise my own misery bar. But that, of course, only adds to the cycle. It’s almost worse to know you’re capable of adjusting. 

Recently I logged back into Tumblr for the first time in years, just to see how things are over here. One post read, no context necessary, “looking for a group of 5 to 7 women who will sit on the floor and wail with me in grief.” Another: “why are we still here? just to suffer? every day i get emails.”

Why are we still here? Just to suffer, beg hot celebrities to dismember us, try our best to ignore the cognitive dissonance of our constant warring desires to live ethically and also to enjoy our lives, both impossible? Every day I get emails; every day I want to reply, just once, I am not going to uphold my responsibilities because we live in a ravaged world. I feel sick with anxiety pretty much all the time. Do you, too?