#but strangers liking some degree of my oc? even if its just to appreciate his dumb chapaa hat it makes me feel things haha

[rethcore]

@ the person with the palia avatar liking my art despite me going out of my way to tag it incorrectly:

I see u. I appreciate u v3v <3

[neowinestainedress]

Everything has changed ; lee haechan

title: everything has changed |  part of the “loving him was red” series

pairing: lee haechan x oc | side members: oc best friend!kim jungwoo 

genre: coffee shop!au, strangers to friends to lovers, fluff, mutual pining, getting together, (tiny little bit) angst

warnings: none

summary: She would’ve never imagined that the person that would’ve turned her life around was going to show up in that small cafè where she worked every day and hated so much. But sometimes, it only takes a coffee shop, brown eyes and a rain storm for everything to change.

words: 11.937k 

taglist: @meowniee @commentgirl @b1kon131 @blossom-rea @kyungsooislifeu @jenosbliss @multistan30​ | if you’d like to be added comment on the masterlist of the series

a/n: I should’ve published this one ages ago but I just couldn’t finish it and somehow I’m still not quite satisfied with the result. I feel like something is missing (probably it's the pain so that's a personal problem) but anyway it's here and I still hope you'll like it! Feedback is always appreciated, I’d love to know what you think about it. 

All I knew this morning when I woke, is I know something now know something now I didn't before. And all I've seen since 18 hours ago, is green eyes and freckles and your smile, in the back of my mind, making me feel like...

Mondays were always the same for Iseul, a traumatic start for yet another stressful week. It wasn’t like she didn’t enjoy working at the small coffee shop on Jeju Island. People were nice, but seeing the same old faces made her feel stuck. Being born and raised on a small island can make you feel trapped, and that was exactly how she felt. Trapped. 

Grandma Park’s sweet smile wasn’t enough to make her feel better. Just like the curious questions of the three-year-old Sooyoung, or the stray dog that always ran on the back to get some leftovers and let her cuddle him. 

But she had to bring money home and take care of her family. Her grandmother had always been there for her, and she surely couldn’t leave her behind right now when she needed her the most. So, shaking the sleep off her face, she got up, ready – more or less –  to face another day. 

The strong scent of coffee filled her nostrils as she greeted the nth customer of the day, bidding goodbye. It was almost five in the afternoon, and she felt exhausted. 

“God, I hate full-day shifts,” she whined, sitting on the stool in front of the cash register, resting her elbow on the desk and placing her cheek on her fist to stare at Jungwoo that was washing the cups and plates of the last customers that just left. 

“At least people here are nice,” he commented, putting the pottery in its place. “And they aren’t always in a rush, pressing you to get their coffee done in two seconds.” 

“But it gets so boring here,” she complained, twirling on the chair. 

“It’s because you make it boring,” Jungwoo replied, shrugging. “Look at me, I enjoy the little things of life and live amazingly.” 

She glared at her friends and shook her head. She also enjoyed the little things of life, but sometimes, they just weren’t enough. Most of the time they weren’t enough. The idea of spending her whole life like this wasn’t appealing at all, especially when it wasn’t what she had studied for and craved. She saw her dream break right in front of her eyes when her grandmother’s conditions worsened, and she had to give up flying to Seoul to take a degree in psychology to look after her grandmother and her little brother. 

“I have to go check the back, look at the customers,” Jungwoo announced before disappearing without giving her time to answer. 

She nodded, even though he wasn’t there anymore and stood up to stretch her back, not hearing the doorbell ring. 

“Though it was a bar, not a gym,” a voice said playfully and she stilled before recomposing herself again and turning around to meet what appeared to her like the most handsome boy she had ever seen. 

She coughed, shaking her head and trying not to get lost in his golden-brown eyes, or his tan skin, or his plump pink lips and his silky brown hair… “Oh, yes, sorry,” she apologized, bowing politely. 

The boy chuckled, passing his tongue on his lips, “Oh, no, there’s really no need for all this formality, I get it, really.” 

She smiled shyly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, and said, “It was a really long day.” 

“No worries,” he reassured, resting his elbow on the counter and peeking his head to see what sweets were left behind the window. “It was a long day also for me, waking up early to prepare the last things and fly here from Seoul. I’m starving,” he confessed, letting out a huff and rolling his head back. 

“Wow, you’re from Seoul? What brings you here?”

“I used to live here, then moved to Seoul and now I came back because my grandpa needs help.” 

“Shit,” she mumbled under her breath, “I’m sorry for being inconsiderate.” 

He shook his head, “You’re not being inconsiderate for asking me a question I decided to answer, but for not proposing anything to eat,” he chuckled, dragging a stool closer to him, and sitting on it. 

She snapped out of her trance, cursing herself for being so dumb and grabbed tongs and opened the small glass window where they kept the food, “Sorry. So, what’d you like?” 

“That sandwich will be fine,” he answered, pointing at the one closest to her. 

“Can I serve you anything else?” She asked while placing the bread on a clean plate and handing it to him. 

“No, I’m fine for now. Can I pay when I’m done?” 

“Sure,” she smiled, and right when she was about to ask him something else, Jungwoo came back from the storage room. 

She turned around, not even trying to hide the big smile on her face and that made Jungwoo furrow. 

“Are you okay?” He asked, tilting his head before walking close to her. 

She nodded, “Yeah, why?” 

He shrugged and started to walk around the desk, ready to serve a new customer who sat down at a table, “Nothing. You’ll tell me soon, anyway.” 

She rolled her eyes and then turned around, making eye contact with the boy from before, he was staring at the scene with curiosity while eating – more like devouring – his sandwich. 

She lowered her head, smoothing the creases on her apron and grabbed a cloth before walking out of the counter to go clean some tables. In reality, they were already clean, but she needed to keep herself busy and don’t stand near that handsome stranger. 

But as she moved around the small coffee shop, she could feel his gaze burn on her skin as he kept ordering other things; first a glass of water, then coffee and then a sweet. And there weren’t other tables anymore, so giving up, she came back behind the cash, throwing the cloth in the bin. 

“I feared I had to buy the whole cafe to have you here again,” he teased, chin resting on his intertwined hands. 

She raised a brow and cocked her head, looking at him, “And why?” 

“You started to serve me, I wanted you to finish,” he explained before standing up from the chair and fixing the leather jacket that wrapped his upper body perfectly. “It seemed fair since I let you know why I’m here.” 

She nodded, “Okay, here I am,” she smiled, hand pointing at herself, focusing on what he had ordered to give him the bill instead of getting lost in him. “It’ll be 9.325 won.” 

When he paid and walked out of the door, she felt her world go still once again. It was the middle of May, so it wasn’t cold at all, yet she felt cold wrap all around her body. 

But his eyes, his smile and his nose didn’t leave her mind. His face was on every same old customer that came in to grab something to eat or drink. His face was in the back of her mind while she cleaned the dishes and fixed some boxes of food in the fridges in the back. His face tormented her all the driveway back home, when she greeted her brother and her grandma and even when she went to sleep. 

Something about him made her heart lit up, finding a flame she thought she had lost long ago. She knew nothing about him, he was just a complete stranger, and he easily could’ve just been added to the mass of people that crossed her path only once in her life. And that night, that thought made her heart break a little as the fear of never seeing him again crept into her bones. 

I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better now. I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better now. I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better now. I just wanna know you, know you, know you...

Maybe it was luck, maybe it was destiny that for once reserved her something good, but that mysterious boy started to show up every morning at the coffee shop. 

And every time that his head popped from the front door, her day lighted up. Just seeing his face, hearing his voice and seeing his beautiful smile, was enough to turn her day around. 

He never stayed a lot, just grabbed his over caloric pumpkin spice latte and a chocolate muffin and then sprung out of the door. It killed her; she wanted to know him more, at least know his name, but he was always out of reach. 

“What’s with that sad face?” Jungwoo asked her, sitting next to her since the bar was empty. “It’s because Pumpkin didn’t show up?” 

“Pumpkin?” She laughed, trying to play it cool and avoiding his interrogating gaze. “And who’s that?”

Jungwoo rolled his eyes and grabbed her knees to make her turn around to face her. “Don’t play dumb, you know who I’m talking about.” 

She huffed, crossing her arms on her chest. “Fine, I’m just worried. Maybe something happened.” 

Her friend raised a brow, “Sure, whatever. It’s not that you miss him and are dying to know him better, right?” 

“Why do you care? I care for him just like I care for any other regular customer,” she defended, standing up from the stool to start to set up the dishwasher that had just ringed, letting them know it had finished cleaning. 

“Yeah, you’re super worried when Mr. Kim doesn’t show up for a day, I saw you crying in the bathroom the other day, terrified something terrible happened to him,” he ironized, helping her with the dishes. 

She stopped for a second, fist resting against her waist, “Maybe I care for him a little bit more.” It felt so humiliating to admit that she cared for someone she barely even knew, but it was the truth. And Jungwoo already knew it, they grew up together, and she always acted the same when she had a crush... if she could call him that. Jungwoo was just waiting for her to admit it out loud. 

“I knew that!” her friend chanted, throwing up a fist. “So, it’s a crush. Finally, you have eyes for somebody that is not Oh Sehun?” 

“Oh, shut up! You make me sound delusional if you say that.” 

“You were the one saying to me that no men on this island come close to him.” 

“And, in fact, Pumpkin is not from this island.” 

“Who’s not from this island?” His voice resonated in the room and Jungwoo winked at her before leaving her all alone, disappearing in the back again. She damnded her best friend and then took a deep breath before turning around. 

“We were discussing the drinks we sell here, and how small is the Korean offers,” she lied, heart skipping a beat when he smiled at her. 

Jungwoo peeked from the back door and stared at the scene while pretending to be busy doing something. 

“And Pumpkin spice latte with an extra whip is surely not typical,” he joked, running a hand through his hair, it seemed damp as if he had run there. 

“No, definitely not, but I guess that’s what you’ll take, right?” 

He nodded with a big smile on his face, and all the worries of the day left her mind. It didn’t matter he didn’t show up this morning, he was there now, and even if he seemed tired – even stressed – he looked beautiful as always and somehow found the strength to be positive and joyful. 

Once she was done preparing the drink and handing it to him, she gathered the courage to ask his name, but before she could open her mouth, he was already out of the door. 

And somehow it always happened like this, some morning she couldn’t even take him because she was already busy with other people and – as much as he loved her – Jungwoo couldn’t make him wait forever solely for her to talk to him. 

It felt like a stupid game; life wanted to give her a reason to wake up in the morning and carry through every day, no matter how terrible it was, but without never letting her get to the prize. It was tiring, and she had no idea what else to do to get closer to him.

'Cause all I know is we said, "Hello". And your eyes look like comin' home. All I know is a simple name, and everything has changed. All I know is you held the door You'll be mine and I'll be yours. All I know since yesterday, is everything has changed

Iseul yawned as she finished fixing the chair around on of the tables. She was alone since Jungwoo had to leave early, but anyway they were closed, and she was just trying to keep herself busy waiting for the storm to calm down before heading home. 

“Sorry, we’re closed, I’ve forgotten to lock,” she turned around and gasped when she saw him. “Oh, hi.” 

“I can leave if that’s a problem.” 

“No, no,” she said immediately. “I might do some company.” 

“Why are you still here?” 

“Jungwoo had to go. So I was just finishing things up to don’t leave a mess in the morning,” she explained and then looked at him. “What are you doing standing there? Come here.” 

He smiled at her, “I don’t want to make a mess, I’m a little… wet,” he chuckled, head lowering to point at his wet clothes. 

“It’s fine, come sit here. I’ll get you a cloth,” she said, before turning on her heels and going on the back to grab something dry to help him warm up a little. 

“Do you want something to drink? I can’t give you your usual sugary favourite drink but maybe… some tea? I don’t know.” 

“I don’t want to be more of a pain in the ass,” he laughed, wrapping the cloth around his body. 

She giggled, trying to hide how fast her heart was beating right at the moment. “You’re not. Actually, I rather don’t be lonely. Nothing ever happens here, but you may never know.” 

“Aren’t I just a stranger?” 

“I guess, you never told me your name,” she dared to say, subtly trying to let him take the hint she wanted to know it. “But we see each other every morning, so we’re not so strangers to each other.” 

“I’m Haechan,” he replied, reaching his hand out. 

“I’m Iseul,” she replied, trying to don’t blush when their hands touched. “So, what were you doing around here? You’re here in the morning usually.” 

“I was coming back from work, actually. But I lost the last bus and since it’s raining, I guessed you were still open, but you aren’t.” 

“I didn’t kick you out, though,” she chuckled. 

“With all the money I give to this bar every morning, it’s the bare minimum,” Haechan joked, leaning his back against the table, scrolling the towel in his hair to shake out more water. And it was a miracle her mouth didn’t gape at the sight. 

Shaking her head and giving him a small smile, she said, “Not my fault I make the best pumpkin latte.” 

“I don’t come here for a drink,” he replied, wetting his lips and staring at her straight in the eyes.  

“No?” 

He shook his head. “There’s somebody I really like that comes here too.” 

She felt her heart drop. Did he like somebody else? Who was she? He never stayed there for long, how could he even see somebody and fall for them?  

“Oh, who is… do I know her?” 

“It’s you, dummy.” 

Her brown eyes widened in shock as she felt her whole body heat up, “Me?” 

“You’re the reason that drink is so good, if I went to any other bar, it wouldn’t be so good.” 

Oh, he meant it like that. 

“Oh,” she whispered, looking down on the floor. What a fool. Of course, he couldn’t like her in any other way. 

“You never told me why you work here, you don’t seem really excited to be here,” he said, “Wait, let me explain, you smile a lot and you’re super polite with people, but it had happened I just stopped and stared at you, and when no customer is in front of you your face changes.” 

She stammered silently, attempting to find the right words but she had no idea what to say. Should she lie? Or tell the truth? What did he even care? 

“I like working here,” she said, forcing a smile on her face. “But it’s not what I really had in mind when I imagined what my life was going to be.”

“Things gone wrong?” 

She shrugged and crossed her arms to her chest; she didn’t like talking about that. There was nothing she could do to change that, and she already dwelt on it by herself.  

“What about you? What do you do back in Seoul?” 

“I work for a company, kind of boring, to be honest, but it’s all experience and then if everything goes well when I’ll get back I’ll have the chance to work as a script supervisor in another agency.” 

“Wow, that’s cool,” she said, smiling at him. “So you plan on going back?” 

“Yeah, with all respect, here is not really where I want to be.” 

She nodded. “And are you going soon?” She knew this was going to happen, she was the first one that wanted to leave, but she hoped that the only person that made her look forward to the new day wouldn’t leave already. 

“No, it’s not happening soon,” he said, before stretching and yawning. 

“Tired?” She chuckled, leaning onward to rest her arms on her knees. 

“A little bit,” he replied, “What about coffee? I don’t think the rain is going to calm down soon, maybe we could avoid falling asleep here.” 

She nodded, she was tired too after the long day, so she could use some coffee. “But I only have instant coffee, sorry but I don’t want to clean the machines again,” she said, standing up and heading behind the counter, followed by him. 

“That’s fine,” he replied, before taking off the cloth and folding it, leaving it on the desk in front of him. 

“Do you work tomorrow?” He asked, watching her grab two cups and the other things she needed to make coffee. 

“I’m always here,” she reminded him. “I don’t think you look at me very much,” she joked, adding two spoons in the cup. 

“I do,” he replied, “I look at you attentively,” he added, voice low, almost provocative. 

She gulped and tried to hide the excitement with a nervous laugh. 

“Like right now, for example, you’re blushing.” 

She almost choked on air and then laughed awkwardly, “You’re just making things up.” 

“Whatever,” Haechan shrugged, before grabbing the cup from her hand and bringing it to his lips. “You’re really pretty by the way,” he added, smiling smugly as he watched her blush brightly and almost choke on the sip of the drink. 

The rain calmed down just when the clock hit eight, and they talked and talked, so much that they almost didn’t realize they were finally free to go home and enjoy a warm shower and a hot dish after a long day out. 

“So, this is it,” Iseul said, locking the door of the cafe and then pulling down the shutters before turning around to face Haechan that was waiting behind her with his hands in the pockets of his blue jeans. 

“Yep. Thank you for letting me stay,” he repeated for the nth time, making her roll her eyes. 

“How many times do I have to tell you it was no problem? I would’ve died from boredom all alone,” she reassured him, tucking a strand of black hair behind her ears and then hugging her black purse tighter so it wouldn’t have slipped from her shoulder. 

Haechan beamed and then scratched his neck, looking around. 

“Wait, you don’t have a car…” she realized, tilting her head. “Come on, let’s go,” she ordered, before opening the umbrella and waiting for him to get underneath. He smiled and she felt her heart jump in her chest when he intertwined their arms and started walking to her car. 

“By the way, you could’ve asked, I would’ve dropped you home anyway,” she said, chuckling lightly, when they finally arrived at the car. 

The drive home was spent with the radio keeping them company while they kept talking about this and that, mostly about stories they shared of growing up there, finding it weird how they’d never crossed paths before that moment. 

“We don’t live that far from each other,” she noted as she pulled up in the driveway and parked in front of his place, well, his grandfather’s place. 

“Really?” 

“Yep, I’m just a street away, actually.” 

“Well, then, maybe next time I could take you home,” he smirked. 

“Without a car?” 

“I can drive, I just don’t have it here.” 

“Oh, and what are you going to do? Use my car to drop me home and then you drive here? And what will I do in the morning?” 

“I could pick you up,” he winked. 

She chuckled, shaking her head. God, he was really making her go crazy. 

“Goodnight, Haechan,” she greeted, watching him open the door. 

“Goodnight, Iseul,” he replied before handing her a small paper and rushing to the door before she could ask him what it was. 

She froze on the spot when she opened the paper and read his number. 

What had just happened that night? When did she get so lucky?  

And all my walls stood tall painted blue. But I'll take 'em down, take 'em down, and open up the door for you.

There was a reason if Haechan didn’t let people in. He had no time for that. He had one thing very clear in mind, and that was his future. He just wanted to get there; to the finish line, and finally, do the job he so long worked hard for.

And well, there was also another reason. He wasn’t exactly lucky with relationships. He had to admit that half of the time – all the time – it was his fault for running away when things went well – too well for his liking. He didn’t picture himself settled with somebody at his side for the rest of his life, not yet at least.

So he couldn’t understand what was the feeling he got with Iseul. He couldn’t understand how she slipped past his walls so easily. He couldn’t understand how he looked forward to meeting her in the morning at the bar, smiling behind the counter with no need to even ask him the drink he wanted. He couldn’t understand why the only thing that made him look forward to the end of the day was knowing that she was there, ready to pick him up to go back home. And he couldn’t understand why he hated the bus so much when they had different shifts and she couldn’t do that. He couldn’t even understand why every time he looked at her, he pictured himself settled in a house with somebody at his side, her.

“I shouldn’t be doing this and if my boss sees me, she will kill me. But we were going to throw them away anyway,” she said, lifting a little box full of sweets as she rushed out of the workplace, Jungwoo was going to close tonight. “You know, dumb rules about not selling food after a day.”

Haechan smiled and then grabbed the box from her hand. “And are they for me?”

“Yeah, I know you always eye them but can’t eat them because you’re in a rush in the morning so you can enjoy them tonight."

“Maybe we could eat out?” He asked hesitantly, eyes not finding the courage to look at her. What happened to his openly flirty personality? 

“Us?"

“Well, we did that once, right? Two weeks ago, for lunch.”

“Maybe not tonight.”

He almost felt his heart break in his chest at those words. He was doing too much, and he had just crossed a line, scaring her forever, right? “You don’t want to?”

“I do. But let’s go on a date, a proper one,” she proposed, no idea where the confidence came from. But she felt like she just couldn’t wait any longer. The lunch they had together wasn’t a date, but she wanted to seriously go out with him and get to know him better. “Saturday night? I’ll come pick you up at 7:30.”

“Oh, fine by me,” he replied with a shrug, but he had to lower his head to hide the happy grin that curled his lips as they walked to her car. 

He had no idea what was happening, but she was making his walls fall down, and for some reason, he wasn’t scared at all. 

And all I feel in my stomach is butterflies, the beautiful kind, makin' up for lost time, takin' flight, makin' me feel like...

Iseul had no idea when it was the last time she felt like that. Electrified. On edge for something that was about to happen. Probably it was because she didn’t have a date in ages, and also because she never asked someone out. Or more easily because she never liked someone as much as she liked Haechan. 

Calling it love was a big word, but she was now more than sure that she felt something for him, and whatever it was, was big. 

So now she was rocking on her tiptoes as she waited for the clock to hit seven in front of her mirror, trying to fix the last details. He had seen her worn out after work, like a mess in the morning during those days when she couldn’t even find the strength to fix the eye bag under her eyes, yet, she wanted to be perfect for that night. 

The place they were going wasn’t even expensive but she still wanted to be beautiful and wanted the night to be flawless. 

She took a deep breath, fixed her hair one last time, and then rushed to the front door after bidding goodbye to her grandmother and brother. 

She had been driving down that street for weeks now but she had never felt like that before. And maybe these butterflies in her stomach were rather stupid, maybe for Haechan it meant absolutely nothing. They were good friends and that was it, but she still couldn’t control the way her lips stayed curled for the whole drive to his house, or the way her palms were sweating, making it hard for her to grip the wheel and how her thighs were bouncing nervously against the leather seat as she waited for him to come out of the door. 

And there he was, jumping down the few stairs that lead into the small garden, his black boots at the feet, the black tight jeans highlighting his beautiful long legs, the white shirt and the leather jacket wrapped around his torso. 

“Hi,” he greeted cheerfully, entering the car and smiling at her. 

She blinked twice, drifting her eyes from his handsome face and the way his hair fell around it, and greeted back before coughing and starting the car again. 

“The restaurant is quite close,” she said, trying to fill the silence even if they had been together for less than a minute. Why was this so awkward? Why did it feel so different? They used to do this every single day basically. But this was different, they weren’t driving to work, they were going out on a date, a real one, and it felt so surreal.

But Haechan wasn’t listening, too caught up to stare at her. His eyes ran over her figure over and over, wondering how she could be real, now more than ever as she didn’t carry the tiredness of a whole day of work. 

“You look amazing,” he said with no hesitation, not even realizing those words slipped past his lips and didn’t stay in his brain until she turned around, almost swerving with the car. 

“Wow, wow, I didn’t want to scare you,” he joked, hoping that in the dim light of the evening she couldn’t see the way his face blushed. 

“I just, I wasn’t expecting that,” she reassured him with a small smile, hands gripping the wheel tighter and then her eyes focused on the street again. 

“Pink looks good on you,” he complimented again and this time she didn’t shake but she simply mumbled ‘thanks’ and smiled. 

The rest of the drive went smoothly as they chatted about stupid gossip they read on Twitter and sang along to the songs passing on the radio. It wasn’t much different from their usual drives, but the atmosphere between them was different. 

“Do you come here often?” He asked when the food arrived and they started eating. They had arrived at the small restaurant for around fifteen minutes, but the talks between them were still centred around what they talked about in the car. 

“I don’t really go out, I prefer my grandma’s homemade cook,” she admitted, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, her eyes curling up in a smile. 

“I need to try it someday, then,” he said, winking at her. A sneaky, subtle remark, for her to invite him home.  

“I’m sure she’d love you. She’s very picky with people I bring home, that’s why I have like two friends allowed,” she joked. 

“Jungwoo included, I hope.” 

She chuckled, “Yes, he is for now, but I’m not sure how long it will last. She’s very protective of her porcelain collection and last time he almost made one piece fall to the ground.” 

“Okay, if you’ll ever invite me I’ll make sure to don’t go near them. I can be quite clumsy if I want to.” 

“Another thing in common, I guess. When I was younger I broke so many things because I couldn’t stay still.” 

“And not only when you were young,” he teased, referring to the cups she made fall the day before at work. 

“Listen, that was a mistake, they were still full of soap because the dishwasher broke,” she defended herself, rolling her eyes. Out of all the times it could’ve happened, they slipped out of her hands right in front of her boss. And Haechan sitting a few tables away from the crime scene, laughing under his teeth didn’t help her keep a straight face. 

“’Kay, ’kay, I believe you, but just because I love you,” he said, a small smile on his face as he looked at her. 

“You love me?” 

He froze, suddenly realizing what he had said and then laughed it off, “As friends, of course.” 

“Oh,” she mumbled, trying to pretend that the absolutely heartbroken gasp was a breath of relief. “You scared me for a second,” she kidded, head lowered, trying to focus on the food in front of her, her fingers struggling to hold the chopsticks as her hands started shaking. 

“Were you single back in Seoul?” She asked, trying to change the topic, trying to hurt herself more by reminding herself that it was better like that. He was going to go back there without her, falling for him was just so stupid. But maybe it was far too late... 

“Yep, almost never dated in my life,” he said, not really understanding why she asked that. 

“You? Single your entire life?” She asked incredulously. 

“No,” he chuckled, “I had a fling or two, mostly very superficial things. Love’s just not for me. I’ve always prioritized my studies and my career,” he added. “And you?” 

“Single, and not because as Jungwoo says, Sehun doesn’t know about my existence.” 

“You’ve never, never, dated?” His voice was full of surprise, not only she was gorgeous and he couldn’t believe people wouldn’t find her attractive, but she also seemed to be extremely romantic, at least, that was what he could guess about her in the last weeks they got to know each other. 

She shrugged, averting his gaze, “Just had a… had a life that didn’t give me much time to focus on relationships, let’s say,” she then forced herself to look up and force a smile at him. She never talked about what her life had been, too painful, a weight that still felt too heavy to carry around and she didn’t want to ruin this date with sad things. A talk about her parent’s death was the last thing she needed that night. “But let’s not talk about it,” she cheered, clapping her hands and then leaning to grab the bottle of Soju. “We should cheer.” 

Haechan nodded, smiling shyly at her, deciding to let the topic drop. “Cheer to what?”  

“To our future, for it to be as bright as possible and to be full of all the things we want.” And probably the thing, the person, she wanted the most wasn’t going to be in her future, surely, it was going to be like that, but she wanted to hope anyway. She deserved a miracle. 

And maybe that cheer had been useful, brightening up the date once again. Probably Haechan got that their last conversation made her sad and he did everything he could to make her smile again. Staying around him was so easy that she forgot about everything else. He was such an easygoing person and she was surprised how far under her skin he had gotten in such little time. 

And when at the end of the night, she dropped him home, she wondered if it was a good thing that they got so along with each other. 

“I had fun,” he confessed, leaning against the passenger seat, staring at her before he would’ve had to go back inside and put an end to a night he just wanted to last forever. “We should do it again,” he proposed, hoping she was in just as much as him, and when her lips turned up in her usual warm smile, his heart warmed up. 

“I loved spending the night with you, we should definitely do it again.”

Haechan nodded, turning his head to look at the door, feeling his heart sink in his chest at the thought of leaving. “Well, I should go, now. Don’t want to make you go home too late.”

“Yeah,” she hummed, waiting for him to open the door. “Goodnight, Haechan.”

“Goodnight,” he replied, waving at her one last time, and then getting inside.

She sighed, standing there in the driveway for some minutes, trying to take in what had just happened and calm the beat of her heart. 

The butterflies were taking flight, but they were flying so high that she feared their wings were going to get burned by the sun. 

I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better now. I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better now. I just wanna know you better, know you better, know you better now. I just wanna know you, know you, know you...

Days went over and so did the dates together. It was ‘just one more’ until going out on Saturday became a little tradition between them, whether it was going out to eat dinner together, a walk in a park, or an afternoon spent at the arcade while she cursed because she couldn’t win a single game against him – a big thank you to Jungwoo for often switching their shifts so she could go out even in the evening. 

Being around Haechan made her feel good. He just had a personality and a way of being that made her heart feel light, light enough to fly. And his mischievous grins and jokes were a plus that made him so intriguing and exciting. The more she knew about him, the more she wanted to know. And he surprised her every time, he always had a story to tell her, an adventure, anything. And the way he was so free, made her realize even more how many occasions she had lost in her life. And that was the hanging reminder of how this little patch of paradise was meant to be over soon. He needed to fly, and he could do that, and as much as she needed to do it too, she couldn’t just take everything and leave. 

It was that stinging pain that hit her every time she took time to look at him more than usual, and when her heart would let itself go more, her brain was always there to put her back on the ground. 

“You still didn’t take me home,” Haechan whined while they were walking around the Spirited Garden. They decided to prolong their usual Saturday trip and drive all the way to the other side of the island to visit it and some other parks near to it. Just them and three days immersed in nature. 

“You really want to eat my grandma’s food, I get it,” she joked. 

“Yeah, and I want to hear embarrassing stories about your childhood.” 

“I was good as a kid, a little clumsy, but good,” she told him with a pout on her face. 

Haechan sighed, clicking his tongue and shaking his head, not believing her, “I need to hear it from who knows you better.” 

A small smile crept on her face while her brain tried to come up with something fast, “She’s a little bit tired, now, that’s why.” Lie. She didn’t bring him home because she knew her grandmother would’ve read right through her and never let her breathe again. She already sensed something just from the way she acted without him around, there was no need to make it worst. ‘It’s either a raise on the check or someone that makes you smile so much,’  her grandma had told her one day and she just laughed it off before running out of the door to go to work. 

“Don’t worry, I can understand that. We need to take care of them, right?” He smiled and she nodded. 

“We should take some pictures here,” Haechan proposed, pointing ahead of them where a small bridge stood, letting go of the topic of their conversation. “We still don’t have a pic together, that’s a scandal after so many months,” he exclaimed, dragging her by the hand and running on the bricks. 

“Oh God, at least warn me when you decide to sprint like this,” she laughed, holding her chest as she tried to regain her breath. “I’m not athletic as you can see.” 

Haechan laughed, rolling his head back, shaking his hair out of his forehead. 

“You can fully feel the breeze if you do these things randomly.” 

“You follow your heart a little bit too much,” she replied, trying to adjust her hair for the picture.

“And you take things a little bit too seriously,” 

She sighed and then fixed her skirt and top, hands tight around the bag as she walked closer to him. “Let’s take our first picture then,” she said, ignoring his comment because it was true but she didn’t want to think about it.

“Say ‘cheese’,” he exclaimed. 

“Nobody does that anymore,” she huffed, side-eyeing him. 

“Okay then just come here, close to me,” he said, wrapping a hand around her waist. 

“Here.” 

“Closer,” he whined, pressing his cheek flat against hers before lifting the phone again and snapping the photo. She smiled, feeling her skin burn up against his and starting to giggle when he started leaving kisses all over her face. 

“Stop! You’re embarrassing,” she screamed through the laughs, trying to squirm away from him, trying hard to pretend that those kisses weren’t the highlight of her day so far. 

“You love kisses,” he replied, letting her go, but still close enough that if just one of them leaned in, the kiss would’ve landed on a portion of skin they never dared to graze. And their eyes fell right there, on top of their lips, staring intensely, throats gulping and hands reaching to touch each other. And she was about to give in, she could feel the voice in her brain, the one she never listened to, scream to just let go and kiss him, and for once she wanted to listen, she was going to listen to her impulses and close her eyes and lean in. 

But Haechan didn’t want to listen to the voice inside his brain. No matter how much he wanted to give in and finally get a taste of her cherry-like lips. He took a step back and turned around, coughing lightly. 

“Should we keep going?” He asked and only his voice brought her back to reality and made her feel so stupid for how vulnerable she showed herself to him. 

“Yes, sure. We still have a lot to see,” she replied, trying to hide the shame she felt with a giggle. But that wasn’t enough to stop herself from repeating the memory over and over again and damn herself.

The remaining two days there passed quickly as they tried to brush off the awkward feeling of knowing they were so close to kissing each other, but the embarrassment was only getting bigger thanks to other countless flirty words and other almost given kisses. 

And it was their last night there, Iseul stood by the small balcony of their hotel, letting the breeze caress her skin and blow in her hair as her brain flew far away from there, far away, where she wanted to be the most. 

“A little pensive tonight?” Haechan’s voice made her snap up, head turning around to look at the man leaning against the frame of the window. 

“You should be in your room,” she said, surprised he was there, even mad, maybe, because right now he looked just so… so real, he looked as if he could be hers. He didn’t look like her friend, but her boyfriend, just casually standing there, staring at her with his shiny brown hair and his deep eyes that felt like something she couldn’t define, but oh, if it felt so good and right. And he was just wearing his boxers and a long white shirt, he had nothing to hide as if she knew his body by heart, but she didn’t. She knew so much about him, and yet she knew nothing. He was like a dream, he also looked like one. 

“I couldn’t sleep,” he replied, voice lower than usual, full of unspoken words that he had no idea why he couldn’t say. He was straightforward usually, and even if he knew exactly what he wanted even right now, he wasn’t so sure he could risk it all. 

Her lips curled in a small smile, closer to a smirk, while she turned her head to the side, just enough to see him rest against the rails too, perfect profile cutting the view of the city around them, showing her the small moles on his cheek and neck, the ones she loved so much because they reminded her of the Ursa Minor constellation. And she loved the stars, they shine so bright in the pitch-black sky and are so far from there, she wished to be like them. And she loved to think that Haechan was a little star sent from above to light up her darkest night because that was what he felt to her. 

“Maybe you are the one that thinks too much,” she whispered, eyes drifting in front of her back again. 

A snicker left his mouth, “Staying around you turned me into this,” he joked, this time he turned around to stare at her, windblown at the way she looked and heart jumping in his chest for the way all of this felt. He had no idea what it was, or probably he did, and just didn’t want to put a name on it because it was scary and because it was a feeling he knew he never wanted or cared to feel, but it still felt comfortable. With no names or labels, the way they just existed around each other felt good. 

And he would’ve paid to stay there just a little longer, lost in their small bubble. He would’ve even given up Seoul for her. 

“You’re beautiful,” he said straight from his heart when he felt that he couldn’t take the silence any longer, it wasn’t awkward, but he needed to fill it with words. Words he needed her to hear. He needed her to know that he loved the way her nose scrunched up when she laughed, and he loved the small scar on her left cheek, close to her ear, and he loved the small acne scars on the right side of her forehead that she hid behind her bangs. 

She didn’t answer, not right away, but her eyes moved on him to study his expression, and, scared from the way they were so real and honest, she looked away again. “You always say it,” she replied, awkwardness concealed behind a light chuckle. She would’ve sat there and listened to him call her beautiful for hours, but knowing he had no real intentions, those pretty words just fuelled her delusional thoughts and after the glow of the moment just brought the rain with them. 

“Because it’s true, you are. Inside out.” 

She nodded, lips pressed together, and teeth nervously chewing the inside of her cheek. “I don’t know what to say.” 

“You don’t have to say anything.” 

“And… are you just going to stare at me?” 

“Why not? Are you shy? Do I make you shy?” 

She stammered under her breath, and shook her head, “I just…” Come on, think fast. “I just thought you were here to, I don’t know, talk. You said you couldn’t sleep.” Here. Another lie. Piling up with all the others she had told me to hide her true feelings. 

“I did,” he replied, rubbing his chin as his eyes never left her body, attentively watching how she would fidget at every word. “I couldn’t sleep because something was keeping me up.”  

“Oh, and what’s that? Your grandpa’s fine, right?” 

“Yeah, he’s doing better,” he replied. And that surely was a good thing, but him getting better also meant something else… “Anyway, I wasn’t thinking about him.” 

“Is it your job? Are you afraid of that?” 

“I was thinking about how some people come into our lives in the most unexpected ways,” he replied, cutting her off from guessing other stuff that didn’t even cross his mind for a split second. 

“Well, that’s the beauty of life, isn’t it?” 

“I was thinking about you,” he confessed, and her eyes moved up, straight into his, wide open in shock. “I was thinking about us.” 

“I…” 

“When my mom told me to come here, I felt lost and as much as I love my grandpa, I truly had no other reason to stay, and I was terrified that everything I had worked so hard was going to be taken away from me. But then I met you. I could’ve gone to any other cafè, or simply just headed home, or convinced myself that the coffee from the machines is good just the same and we wouldn’t be here today. I wouldn’t have met the only person that gave me a reason to stay and hold on.” 

She swallowed hard, feeling her heart beating so fast she was silently praying he couldn’t hear it. And she had no idea if she should’ve confessed that she felt the same, that since that day, he had been her only reason. And then the voice in her brain showed up again, and she did. 

“You were the same for me,” she admitted, direct, no stammering, no hesitation. “I felt stuck, well, I feel stuck, but you, well, you are the new exciting thing I needed to give my life a shake.” 

After hearing her words, Haechan let out a small breath of relief, relieved she felt the same, he could let himself believe that maybe, they were on the same track, they wanted the same thing. “If it didn’t rain so hard that day we wouldn’t have talked so much and got to know each other, you wouldn’t have carried me home. And guess what, I always hated the rain.” 

She smiled, “I like it, you know. Okay, only when I have nothing to do in the comfort of home but it’s nice.” 

His lips twitched into a small smile, before he whispered, “I like it now because it brought me to you.” 

She felt her throat dry, gulping hard while she tried to find the right words to answer him, but nothing that made sense crossed her mind. And just when she thought she had found the right words, something silly to mumble out to don’t look like a complete idiot, she raised her gaze to find Haechan way closer to her. His hand was looking for hers, and his chest was almost pressing against hers. 

“You are the best thing that happened to me here, and I know that usually, I would never go this far but, now that I have you here,” he whispered, hand raising up to caress her soft cheek, fingers brushing her face and then moving a strand of hair behind her ear, “I need to let you know how deeply I care for you.” 

“I-I,” she stammered, eyes moving on his face, trying to understand if he was real or if this was one of her thousand’s hopeless dreams at night. 

“You don’t have to like me back, I mean, I know this won’t work out but –” At these words, she shut him up, an unknown force pushed her forward, maybe it was the same voice she never listened to that pushed her to lean in and kiss him, hands cupping his face before one crept to the back of his head and tangled with his hair. And Haechan was caught by surprise, never expecting her to make the first move, but well, it wasn’t the first time she did. And he couldn’t care about who gathered the courage, he had her right there, and that was all he ever wanted. 

So, he closed his eyes and deepened the kiss, letting his hand wrap around her waist and pull her flat against his body. 

And probably they were making up for lost time because none of the two seemed to have the intention to pull away and let go of the other. So, they kissed, again and again, hands getting braver each minute that passed until they felt their lungs burn and had to pull apart. 

“I like you, Haechan,” she whispered, eye to eye, nose bumping against each other, “I like you a lot.” 

He smiled dearly, deeply looking into her eyes, and felt at peace with the world. After all the wandering around, he felt his place in the world, and it was her. “I like you, too, Iseul.” 

Come back and tell me why, I'm feelin' like I've missed you all this time. And meet me there tonight, and let me know that it's not all in my mind.

Jungwoo huffed, moving the chairs of the coffee shop around with more frustration, trying to gain her attention, but not even the loudest alarm in the world would’ve made her turn around. 

“Iseul,” he called her, walking behind the desk and turning her around. “You can’t spend the rest of your life sulking on him.” 

She rolled her eyes, and swung in the chair again, attention back on her TikTok for you page – there were no customers anyway, and she needed to fill her mind with something. 

“Ugh,” he almost hissed, raising a brow at her attitude. “Really? He’s not worth it,” he tried to open her eyes, for the nth time by now, he had honestly lost count of how many times he had that talk with her in the last two months. “You let summer fly by, not even enjoying a little bit of it, well, since he went back.” 

She sighed, blocking her phone and standing up. Went back. He didn’t go back. He disappeared. Left without saying a word around two months ago and she still had no idea why. 

“I... I’m sorry I’m not in the mood to go out with you and dance all night, okay?” She replied, trying to leave him out of the conversation. She already felt played enough, she didn’t like to mull on it, but the problem wasn’t Jungwoo. He just wanted to lift her up, he was trying his best to don’t make her fall into the oblivion once again. The problem was herself because for how much she knew she shouldn’t have focused on Haechan, she still did. She loved to hurt herself by going back on the memory train and replaying each moment together in her mind. 

“Just know that I’m here for you,” he reminded her, caressing her black hair gently and then going back to work. 

“I know,” she found the strength to reply. “Thank you, for everything.” 

At least she had him, he was the only one that knew about Haechan and what had been between them. Jungwoo was there when they walked into the shop together, he was there when Haechan would wait outside to go home, he was there when Haechan loved to distract her while he sat at a table and she had to focus on other people. Jungwoo was the only comfort she had, because unfortunately the silent one of her grandmother that understood that the same light that brightened up her sky for these past months wasn’t there anymore, wasn’t enough. 

She felt incredibly stupid, she was sure she had missed something along the way, that she misunderstood him and his words. And that was the main reason why she kept playing their story in her brain, she needed to find where they went wrong, she needed to find the exact moment when she scared him away, or when he told her he didn’t like her the same. 

She wondered how it could’ve been all in her head, though, when no wrong step bloomed in her mind. He had confessed to her, he had kissed her back. They kept kissing and going out when they came back to town, they never called each other boyfriend and girlfriend but they acted like a couple, so why, why did he disappear like a ghost all of a sudden? Why did he have to make her worry for him? 

Not that she feared he wasn’t doing good, she was sure he was doing great, back in Seoul, with his dream job, in his dream house, all by himself. But she still missed him, and she wanted him to come back. 

She at least needed to hear from him that all of this wasn’t in her mind, that there had been something between them, that he felt the same, even if it was already over.

But he wasn’t coming back, and she knew that if he ever would’ve had the need to go back there, he would’ve done everything to avoid her. 

He didn’t mean his words. He didn’t love her. He just let himself get carried away, it was so typical of him. She could at least say that she got to know him a little bit and this should’ve been less surprising considering he was the one that always ran away in relationships and didn’t make them last. And yet, she kept waiting. Dreaming of his eyes, his hugs, his jokes. Missing going to the arcade with him and losing, she even missed hearing him bragging about it. Just like she missed hearing him talk shit about half of his office. Or laugh loudly about a joke he had made that wasn’t that funny.

She just missed him. Or maybe she missed the way he made her feel. He was such a dreamer that, for a moment, also her, the most rational and practical person she knew, believed that dreams can come true. 

“Are you sure I can leave? Can you deal with this alone?” Jungwoo asked Iseul as he started packing his stuff, about to leave her alone to clean the shop as outside rain came pouring down, he had a last-minute emergency and couldn’t close with her. 

“Yes, I told you it’s fine, you don’t need to worry,” she reassured him as she put away the last cups, watching him come back again to leave a peck on her cheek. 

“I love you, you’re my saviour. I owe you one!” 

She shook her head, waving at him with a smile on her face before she watched him disappear. 

She felt the tiredness fall on her when she was halfway done with the tables, and couldn’t help but yawn, just waiting to be done soon and hoping that the storm would chase soon and she could finally go home and sleep, she wasn’t even hungry, she just wanted to collapse on the bed and forget about everything. 

Just when she was done with the last table, she heard the bell ring and rolled her eyes. Once again, Jungwoo had forgotten to turn the sign that showed they weren’t open. “Sorry, we’re closed,” she warned before turning around and almost passing out on the floor. She gasped when she saw him. This was just like the first time they seriously talked to each other. They were standing in the same position, she was still wearing her apron and he was wearing his drenched clothes, hair sticking to his forehead and chest panting for the run. 

But everything was different between them. 

She didn’t feel that need of wanting to know more about him anymore, because now, she had him down in the palm of her hands, or well, at least she thought. Now she knew his name, she knew his favourite song, she knew his favourite colour, she knew that his nickname was fullsun and she could totally understand why. If only he didn’t always come into her life with the rain. 

But at the same time, there were still so many things she didn’t know about him. For example, the reason why he left, why he left her all alone, making her feel empty and stupid for getting it all wrong. 

“We’re closed,” she repeated, not sure she could take an answer to the questions that tormented her at night. Not sure she could take him coming back with some made-up excuse because just the way he was just standing there was enough to bring her feet to move toward him mindlessly. But she didn’t, she fought it back. 

“I know,” Haechan replied, his eyes never left hers, and in these few minutes he could see all the pain he had caused her. “I’m sorry,” he confessed, starting to walk closer to her but she took a step back. 

“I don’t want to listen,” she stopped him, hands raised in the air to maintain the distance between them and he stopped, mortified eyes looking at hers. “You’re dirtying the floor, I had just cleaned everything and I need to go home. Please, leave.” 

“But I need to -” 

“I said, leave,” she stopped him, diverting her gaze, looking down on the floor to hide the way her eyes were fogging up. “Please, leave.” 

Haechan swallowed the bitterness in his mouth, pressed his lips in a thin line and then sighed. And if she lifted her gaze she would’ve seen his shoulders drop and his eyes beg for forgiveness, but she never did. And so he turned around, message loud and clear. 

And just when she heard the sound of the doorbell again she raised her head and tried to go on with the things she needed to do. But this time she didn’t wait for the storm to calm down, she wanted to go home as soon as possible, and when she stepped outside the raindrops were still hitting the ground violently as the wind blew, loud and strong. 

“I know you don’t want to listen but I need to talk to you,” between the loud whistles of the wind and the rain, she heard his voice, making her stop in her tracks, stilling to stay under the tent to stay safe from the water. “I had to leave, I had no other choice. My grandpa was getting worst and we had to fly him to Seoul and I didn’t want to put you under the pressure of another bad news. I didn’t want to fill you with also my problems- 

“Great, I hope he’s doing well,” she replied about to make her way to the car. 

“No, Iseul, please,” he called, hand reaching for her even if they were too distant for him to catch her.  

“Please what?” She asked, turning around to face him and make eye contact. “Listen, I’m deeply sorry for him and your family but… what did I mean to you? I guess I meant nothing to you, right? You could’ve at least let me know. I knew damn well that you weren’t going to stay, I knew that we weren’t meant to go anywhere but I deserved respect.” 

“I know, I’m so sorry but we never, we never called it love. I never called anything love, I was terrified, of playing with you, of promising something I wasn’t going to be able to give, I -” 

“But you did it, you played me. You told me you liked me, you kissed me, you, ugh,” she groaned, throwing her head back and stomping her feet to the ground. “We did all those things I’ve never done before, you stopped making me feel like a loser, I was so happy and then you just brought me to the ground again.” 

“I didn’t mean to,” he whispered again, voice shaking.  

“Fine, and what do you want? Do you think that popping here out of nowhere and standing under the rain is going to change something?” She yelled. And even if she said that, she had to admit that she found that kind of romantic. Nobody ever went that far for her, nobody would’ve let the rain pour on their skin in the middle of the street, not caring about the few people passing by. But, still, he had left her, and she couldn’t pass over it… not so easily. 

“But I’m back right now, I’m back because I know what I want, now I’m sure, 100% sure that I want you, that I love you. It’s you, it has always been you. I was just too dumb to see that this was real, that I wasn’t going crazy.” 

She sniffled, tears started to run down her face, and she just wanted to step forward and kiss him. Why did he make her so weak? Why did she want him so badly? 

“Do you know how much I missed you? How many nights I had spent up thinking about you? Your face the only thing I knew in these past months, the only thing that haunted me, hurt me, and at the same time kept me going. I missed you so so much, I couldn’t believe we were already over, I just… I needed you. I needed you so badly and you… you, God, you weren’t there,” she wanted to appear strong but the more she spoke the more she broke down, feeling like she just wanted to fall on her knees and let the rain soak her too, maybe it would've washed away the pain, maybe it would’ve felt like she wasn’t crying all alone.  

“I can only imagine all the pain I put you through, but I’m sorry,” Hachan replied, he was now in front of her, a few centimetres keeping them apart. “But I’m here to show you I only have the best intentions with you. I’m here to show you I want you, and if I have to get on my knees and beg to show you how much I love you, I’ll do it. I’ll do anything for you. I’ll take you to Seoul, I’ll take you to the end of the world, anything and anywhere you want to be, I’ll be. I just want to be with you.” 

“Stand up!” She screamed, feeling her face burn up from embarrassment when he seriously got on his knees, head low, beneath her. “Stand up, dumbass,” she repeated, lifting his head up by his chin, finally feeling his bronze skin once again. “I hate you much,” she said, face serious before a smile crept on it, twisting her lips in the grin he loved so much, “I think you proved it enough and people are already staring.” 

He looked up, eyes shining with a newfound hope. “So, you forgive me? You want to give us a chance?” 

She nodded, lower lips trapped between her teeth before she let go of it to answer. “Yes, but you’ll have to work extra hard to make up for the lost time.” 

And Haechan hopped up on his feet, he didn’t give her time to add anything else that his arms wrapped around her waist, he lifted her up, and made her spin around while their lips met, rain now wetting them both. 

And she couldn’t even complain about the wet hair and clothes, because finally she got to taste him again, finally she was in his arms, and she felt the happiest. Her heart started beating for living again, and not just for surviving like she was always used to doing. She was alive, in a way only Haechan made her feel. 

“I told you,” he whispered, against her lips, still holding her up, “I’d do anything to prove to you how much I love you.” 

All I know is we said, "Hello". So dust off your highest hopes All I know is pouring rain, and everything has changed. All I know is a newfound grace. All my days, I'll know your face All I know since yesterday, is everything has changed

“Maybe Jungwoo was right when he told me that people here in Seoul are insufferable,” Iseul huffed, throwing her bag on the cabinet next to the door as soon as she entered the house, shoes already discarded on the rug. 

Haechan chuckled, getting up from the couch to meet her halfway, “Just hold on, soon enough you’ll be done with college and you’ll get your dream job,” he reminded her before leaning in and kissing her softly. She hummed against his lips, raising her hand to lock her fingers in his silky hair and he took advantage of it to wrap his arms around her and pull her closer.

She had moved to Seoul with him since her grandmother had gotten better, and wanted Iseul to have a nice thing in her life, the only thing she had asked for was for them to come back during the holidays or anytime they could. And finally, in Seoul, she could study psychology just like she always wanted, while she worked in a little coffee shop to pay the bills. 

But the most exciting thing was that they got a small apartment together. Living together at such a young age wasn’t something Haechan ever imagined, or better, he had never imagined he would’ve lived with a partner ever, but here they were. In their little place, setting their own rules, finding out together the good things about relationships. It was new for the both of them, she wasn’t used to relationships at all, and he wasn’t used to the serious ones, but they worked, because they wanted it to work. And no matter how reckless it all felt when he proposed it to her under the pouring rain of that passed September, they now knew they couldn’t have done anything better.  

“I missed you so much,” she said when they pulled away. 

“See, it was better when I used to come to your coffee shop every time I had a break,” he joked while they walked to get to their bedroom and then he leaned against the doorframe, watching her get out of her clothes to change into the ones she used in the house. They didn’t want to cook that night, and he had already called her before to pick what to order, so they just needed to wait for the food to arrive. 

“Yeah, it can get boring without your annoying face around,” she replied, making a face from the mirror. 

“Have I ever told you that you’re beautiful?” He said, hugging her from behind, chin resting against her shoulder and nose snuggling in her neck. 

She rolled her eyes, and then said, “Yeah, you always do.” 

“Good, because I don’t think I’ll ever stop.” 

She smiled, turning around to kiss him again, and again, until they got lost in each other. And when the food arrived, Haechan had to rush to the door, putting on the first clothes he had found while she laughed at the unpresentable state he was in, before coming back into the room. 

“We’re not eating in the bedroom,” she said, stealing his t-shirt and pushing him out of the room. 

“Oh, come on,” he whined. “Just for once, you could relax.” 

“I am. I changed a lot over the past year,” she said. They both did, to be honest, Haechan had learned to have more sense of responsibility, while Iseul tried to be less hard on herself and loosen up, and together they had found a perfect balance. 

Haechan hummed, shrugging before running to the couch, “But we’re eating on the couch. I chose tonight.” 

She sighed, shaking her head before following him. “Will you ever grow up?” She asked, sitting next to him, stealing the chicken wing that he wanted to grab. 

“Hey! That was mine,” he complained, trying to grab it but she only moved her hand away and laughed. 

“And the answer is no.” 

Haechan rolled his eyes, “As if you don’t love this side of me.” 

“Oh, I do, but it’s not just a side,” she replied, chortling. 

“Still, you love me, and you should be grateful that rain brought me to you,” he bragged, biting his wing. 

“Never said I wasn’t.”

“Great, because I’m very, very grateful that we met and now I can have you all to myself,” he said, kissing her cheek with his dirty lips and making her push him away while he laughed evilly.   

“You were sent from hell to make my life unbearable,” she joked, cleaning her face with a napkin. 

“Shh, don’t reveal the plan,” he replied, before grabbing the remote control to turn the TV on. 

Iseul stopped for a moment to look at him as he eat happily and then started proposing what to watch on Netflix, and she smiled, agreeing with him but not really paying attention. She still felt incredulous that he was there, that he was hers, somehow Haechan still looked like a dream, no matter how much she had kissed him, touched him, told him she loved him and vice versa. 

But he was a daydream, because he was there, right next to her, chatting lively with a hand on her thighs to caress her. It wasn’t like more than a year ago when he was just a handsome stranger’s face, he wasn’t a ray of sun lighting up her clouded sky just for some minutes anymore, he wasn’t just in her dreams, being the only reason she wanted to wake up in the morning to see him. 

She had never imagined she was going to be where she was right now, she never imagined that she would've finally found a way to make that handsome stranger hers. But here they were, sharing their dreams and plans for the future, sharing kisses, hugs, texts, midnight talks and breakfasts in the morning. Their future was there, in the intimacy they never imagined they could have with someone. 

“Have I told you that I love you?” Haechan asked, cuddled up against her on the couch, as her fingers played with his hair and their legs were tangled together. 

“Mhh, I don’t know,” she joked. “Why don’t you tell me again? I’d love to hear it again.”

Haechan chuckled, turning around, and kissing her. “I love you and I want you to know you still give me butterflies, just like the first day I saw you standing behind the counter.”

“I hope those butterflies will last forever, then,” she replied, kissing him again. 

She knew nothing about what was about to come, and she knew that life could always take weird and unexpected turns, but of one thing she was sure, everything had changed and for once, she was glad that nothing went as planned.

[yoonpobs]

bad boy good thing xiv.

pairing: jeon jungkook x oc

genre: angst, smut, fluff, miscommunication (we hate her lol), pining

warnings: smut, jungkook is really an asshole, the angst hurts a lot tbh, unhealthy relationships (?)

words: 5, 690

summary: a series of drabbles where you're confused and jungkook's confusing

a/n:

hello!!!! we’re here at fourteen chapters omg ✨✨when i first started this series it was mostly self-indulgent and now there are people who actually enjoy reading it??🥺 it almost doesn’t seem real T.T 

thank you so much for the love and support!!! just so I don't give too much spoilers for this chap - I apologise to my fellow geminis for the potential slander 🤣 this is more of a self-drag lmaooo 

anyway, I hope you enjoy this chap!!!

“Ah. I’m getting allergies.” Yena sniffs, scrunching her nose.

You furrow your brows in concern, “Are you okay? Do you need any medicine?”

“It’s just the seasonal changes,” She brushes you off.

You nod in understanding, “I get it. My mom has horrible reactions towards pollen so—”

“I’m not allergic to flowers.” She blinks.

“Then what—?”

“It’s Gemini season. It’s like—literally the worst time of the year.” She blinks.

You gawk at her, taking a whole ten seconds to process her serious tone when she doesn’t waver under your scrutiny.

“I’m a Gemini,” You inform her slowly.

“I mean …” She shrugs all as you scowl at her, opting to throw the closest object you had, which was your favourite pen so you decide against it; simply shooting her the meanest glare you could possibly muster.

“Look, it’s not you,” She sighs, and you’re half-expecting her to finish with an it’s me to make you scoff, “It’s me.” And there you go. “I mean, it’s Gemini’s in general because they’re two-faced bitches who have the worst emotional attachment issues. Like they’re literally what the opposite of glue is. And they’re so over-analytical. How is it like psychoanalysing every person you meet only to hurt your own feelings and sulk about it?”

You blink.

“I mean it’s not you but if the shoe fits.” She says casually, plopping a grape into her mouth that you’re tempted to slap away.

“You’re so mean!” You pout indignantly.

She cackles, throwing her head back as you continue to sulk. You weren’t that bad. You just … you were risk-averse! You liked having the freedom to observe everyone and anyone and package them into tiny compartments in your head so you could understand them better. You weren’t … that Gemini.

“You’re so cute,” She coos pinching your cheeks. “No wonder Beef One and Beef Two like you so much.” She teases.

Your first reaction is to blush because you know who exactly she’s talking about, but you have more pressing matters, like—

“You have nicknames for them?” You ask, baffled.

“Hey, I wasn’t friends with many girls in high school. Don’t girls usually have nicknames for their crushes?” She says through a pout.

You stay expressionless as you try to gauge the level of seriousness you can extract from her tone.

You realise she’s dead serious.

“Yeah, but we’re in college,” You argue, scrunching your nose, “And sides’, it’s not like they’re strangers. We know them.”

She rolls her eyes, waving you off like you were the inconvenience here. Then she leans forward, her eyes twinkling as she takes a complete one-eighty that you try to adjust to.

“So … you Gemini hoe, what’s your plans?” She nudges you.

You raise a brow, “Did you just call me a—?”

“Plans, ___. Stay on track.” She scolds.

You sigh, still fond but you pretend to be annoyed. You really couldn’t get annoyed with Yena. After all, the more time you spend with her the more you realise how much life sucked before you had her in your life. You spent each moment learning more about her quirks and habits, her choice of words that made you giggle or laugh until you were crying.

And you realise that this is how she loves, a little rough but welcomed nonetheless.

“If you’re talking about my birthday then … not much. I’m probably stuck doing admin work for the college’s charity programme.” You shrug, stabbing a fork into your soiled salad.

Yena gapes at you, “Not much—excuse me? It’s your birthday! You’re turning twenty-five!” 

You look at her dryly, “I’ve been twenty-five since the year—”

She groans, “That’s not the same! You’re like—officially twenty-five. You’re literally hitting the mark for a quarter-life crisis. Isn’t that something to celebrate?” 

“Me going through an existential crisis at the end of my degree is not how I want to celebrate my birthday but okay,” You blink.

She rolls her eyes at your realism.

“That’s not the point. Point is, this is our first birthday together and I want it to be special.” She points out.

You snort, “What? Are we doubling my birthday as our monthsary or something?”

She shoves you with a brute force that has you snickering but she continues to pester you anyway.

“You’re so dumb. So smart, but so dumb,” She shakes her head, “You’re always studying or doing some form of work that requires the use of more than one brain cell. You deserve a break. Besides, you have two dudes to pick from on how you’d like to be wined and dined and—”

“Yena!” You whine.

“—it’ll be like an episode of the Bachelorette! But just with a super cool and smart best friend that’ll make the decision for you. It’s not your birthday. It’s ours.” She emphasises towards the end.

You stare at her for a long second, before the two of you are bursting into laughter at the absurdity of her statement. 

It was nice, just to laugh about things without having your heart feel so heavy. Even if it was a mild distraction, it was still wholly pleasant to be able to just talk about mindless things that didn’t require much mental gymnastics to navigate the conversation with.

“What are the two of you laughing about?” Taehyung and Jimin arrive at impeccable timing, sliding into the booth with their own packaged food. It’s very college-student-esque, a cute paper (because no plastic) container filled with an array of assortments.

“None of your XY chromosomes business.” Yena retorts.

Jimin blinks, “You are literally so hostile.”

“Then don’t give me a reason to be.” She sticks her tongue out petulantly.

You laugh, nudging her with your shoulder, “Be nice.”

Taehyung rolls his eyes but manages to keep a civil smile on his face. Always the more rational one between the two. 

“Anyway, Yena definitely isn’t going to answer me so, what’s up?” He turns to look at you.

You roll your eyes but it’s half-hearted, “She wants to celebrate my birthday like we’re on the Bachelorette.”

“Like you’re on the Bachelorette.” She corrects.

“Oh my God, our baby’s turning twenty-five!” Jimin coos at the reminder, pinching your cheeks as he coddles you. You scowl and weakly shove him away, even if you preen under the attention.

“I’m literally older than the both of you.” You huff.

Yena blinks, “There’s no way I’m the oldest person at this table.”

Taehyung furrows his brows, “Wait—how old are you?”

She sends him a scathing glare that has his arms raised up in defence.

“Jeez, okay. Don’t answer.”

“I’m going to answer because you told me not to.” She clips. “I’m twenty-seven.”

Jimin blinks, “No wonder you and Yoongi hyung are so alike.”

You almost miss it, but as Yena so eloquently pointed out, you were a sucker for psychoanalysing people (even if you didn’t want to admit it yet) that you notice the way she flushes ever so slightly as she scoffs.

“Him? How dare you compare me to that sorry excuse of a—!”

“Okay, everyone is beneath you. I’m sorry your highness.” Jimin rolls his eyes.

You make a note to ask her about it because you know for a fact that Yoongi ‘complains’ about Yena every hour he can. It’s almost as if he can’t go long enough without mentioning her.

You smile to yourself as you duck your head.

“Exactly,” She flips her hair over her shoulders before turning to face you. “Anyway, back to you—our baby.”

Taehyung nods, “Exactly, the baby.”

You scrunch your nose, “Don’t coddle me.”

He pats your head before cooing at you like he would to an actual baby, “But you’re just so cute. You’re too good for this shitty world. Too good for the likes of mere mortals like us.”

“Not me.” Yena blinks before gesturing to their bodies, “You.”

Jimin sticks his tongue out in retaliation as you sigh at their never-ending bickering.

Somehow … it felt right. You think it most of the times but you don’t know any other way to describe how it feels to be back with your friends, laughing, bickering and just appreciating their presence.

When you and Jungkook had your issues, it was like you made the conscious choice to avoid everyone and anyone as much as you could, and any interaction you had during that period was purely out of coincidences and not the intention. You remember actively avoiding Jimin and Taehyung because it felt too draining to pretend like you didn’t have a battle in your head. Even studying or spending time with Namjoon made you feel guilty, the thought of Jungkook lingering in your mind. Yena was there through it all, but even then you saw her as much as you did with any of your classmates you so happened to share a class with.

In fact, if it weren’t for Yena you’d probably have zero social interactions as a whole because she just knew. She somehow picked up on your internal conflicts but never outwardly shamed you or confronted you about it. All she did was be there for you, offering you her presence and you were grateful.

So, yeah. Things were better, but your heart was still at its core—confused. Your feelings for Jungkook didn’t disappear overnight and you knew that you were the one that asked for space.

You forgave him … you did, honestly. But there are things you can’t forget, and those are the things that you wished you could. The words he said in principle, was outright shitty. But the fact that it came from him only poked at every single one of your insecurities that you developed over the years.

You knew it wasn’t healthy to compare yourself to other women when they were living vastly different lives than you were, but it’s proven difficult when you’re forced to see these type of women every day, at college, in your community work or on the media. 

Believing Jungkook’s apparent feelings for you was harder because, well. Jungkook was Jungkook. He wasn’t just another guy, and despite his shortcomings, he had more merits than he’d let on and you knew that people saw that. It was also the fact that Jungkook had a charm that drew all types of people in. He was soft-spoken but passionate, and people loved a quiet achiever.

You … knew about the women. Way before Jennie and way before the thing between the two of you happened. Jimin and Taehyung would always update you about the new fling or girl he had tied to his hip just as he was in his final year in high school. You had to force a smile every single time they’d snicker and joke about how your Jungkook suddenly became a man overnight.

And you noticed the trend with the women he liked. They were … captivating. Beautiful wasn’t even enough to describe them because they looked like they could carry the world on their shoulders and spark immense change with just the movement of their lips. They were confident and charismatic, outgoing and just the right amount of flirty. You were anything but.

It sucked, majorly, because you spent years agonising over the fact that you were already coined with the older sister title in the group because of the way you acted—just a little more uptight than the average woman your age. You were quiet but loud in the right company; you didn’t like crowds, socialising or mingling around with people you didn’t know and based on your observations it seemed like that was the only thing that Jungkook’s been doing ever since he made it to senior year in high school, and even in the first years of college.

You don’t resent him, you think. You couldn’t blame him because you weren’t honest either. You consented, to all of the kisses and touches even if he hadn’t officially had sex with you. You wanted to, but you were terrified. Not at the prospect of penetration but at the prospect of not being enough and the fact that Jungkook was the only person you wanted to have sex with while he had options that were far more attractive and experienced than you were.

That’s why you needed time because at least you could get your shit together even if it was an uphill battle.

“Earth to ____?” Taehyung waves a hand in front of your face with a concerned expression.

You blink, snapping out of your daze as you offer a meek smile and an apology.

“We just asked you if you wanted a small get together at Tae’s and I’s place for your birthday?” Jimin asks.

“Really?” You beam. That was exactly what you preferred.

“Yeah, we know you don’t like clubs and stuff. Just a small and intimate gathering with all your best buds.” He grins.

You nod your head, but Yena beats you to a response.

“By best buds you mean the three friends she has, which is us and the two meatheads duelling for her affection.” She snorts.

You flush, “Y-Yena!”

Taehyung snickers at your embarrassment.

“It doesn’t help that both of them are literally the biggest dudes on the football team. It’s literally like watching King Kong and Godzilla getting into a fight for world domination.”

Jimin throws his back in laughter as you fold your arms across your chest at post at the way your friends are practically crying in laughter at the image. Jimin was clutching onto Taehyung for his dear life because if he didn’t then he’d fall off the chair.

“Stop,” You whine, “you guys are being mean.”

“Oh my God, you’re literally the only person on this earth that would take two people fighting for your attention as an offence.” Taehyung groans.

“I-It’s not that!” You deny exasperatedly, “I-It’s just … awkward …”

Jimin sighs with a small smile, patting your head.

“If it’s any consolation I think it’s offensive that Jungkook thinks he even has the right to breathe in—”

“Jimin!”

“Wow. It really is like King Kong and Godzilla.” Jimin whistles lowly, eyeing the scene before him with amusement lingering in his eyes.

“Do you think they’re gonna start slamming their chests soon or …?” Taehyung trails off in a whisper, leaning into Jimin so that the two other men wouldn’t notice.

“I can literally hear you.” You say dryly.

Jimin offers you a plastic smile, “You’re meant to hear us, babe. How about you try to tame them like Jane did with Tarzan?”

Jimin nearly shrieks when you shove him so fiercely that he topples over into Taehyung’s grasp as the second part of the duo only catches him in the process. 

You sigh, completely ignoring the way that Jimin’s muttering curses that were directed to you under his breath. Instead, you were transfixed on the scene before you—which specifically is Jungkook and Namjoon staring each other down through the mirror of the gym. You were lucky that it was just the five of you since Namjoon was able to use his captain privileges to book the gym because you had no idea how to explain the fact that two big-sized men were attempting to outdo each other in their circuit reps as if they were on a suicide mission.

“Listen, when I agreed to help you out with your sets I thought I was meant to help log it in for a report.” You exasperate, but the two men continue their manly lift-off as they huff and puff their exertion away.

“Trust me, you are helping. Being the motivation is more than—”

This time it’s Taehyung who faces your wrath as you thwack him upside the head. 

From where Jungkook and Namjoon were, Jungkook can only deliver death stares into the direction of his captain who returns it tenfold. He wasn’t even sure why they were doing this but something a flicked definitely switched in Jungkook when Namjoon (purposefully) revealed that you were helping out with something. At the gym. Supposedly alone.

Jungkook’s primitive side came out because the next thing Namjoon knew was that Jungkook managed to drag himself, and Jimin and Taehyung as a diversion. He still feels his chest swell with pride when recalling the scowl on Namjoon’s face when he entered the gym, all fake smiles and a pep in his step.

“____, could you help me spot?” Namjoon breathes, sitting up from whatever the hell he was doing with the barbell. You weren’t fixated with gym language and you weren’t even sure why he was asking you when there was an entire Jimin and Taehyung right next to you.

“Uh, okay sure—“

“Noona,” Jungkook calls.

You freeze.

“Jungkook … I thought we established that you don’t need to call me that anymore.” You raise an eyebrow.

You miss the obvious glare that Namjoon shoots his bitchass friend, as well as the snorts that leave Jimin and Taehyung’s mouth.

“Pay attention to me,” Jungkook pouts. Like, actually pouts. You somehow flush because he seemed so much like the younger version of Jungkook who used to always coddle you for attention.

“Okay but after I help—”

“Yeah. After she helps me.” Namjoon interjects, and you nearly jump at the way he’s suddenly behind you, more so—pressed against your back with his hands on your hips as he moves you aside to get to another piece of equipment.

Your breath hitches because while you weren’t exactly invested in Namjoon in the romantic sense, he was undeniably attractive and … big. You could salivate in private.

“Oh my God, do you see that?” Taehyung hisses in a hushed whisper.

“Hyung is petty,” Jimin gawks.

“This is Namjoon we’re talking about. Didn’t he steal all the umbrellas from your dorm because you ratted him out to the librarian when he broke a bookshelf?” Taehyung recalls.

Jimin pauses to retract his mind to that moment.

“He’s so petty and I’m living for it. Look at Kook’s face,” He snickers, nudging Taehyung with his shoulder.

Jungkook only can clench his jaw in return because he knew that you wouldn’t be a fan of him reaching out to strangle the shit out of Namjoon. But the older boy seems fine, if not pleased with how Jungkook’s fuming in his own spot.

“Let me just …” You cock a thumb to Namjoon, before releasing a breath of your own and going to help him with whatever he needed in the first place.

“Jimin can help him. I have a more pressing problem.” He complains.

You stop in your tracks before turning around, raising an eyebrow at Jungkook who finally sits up, still staring at you like you held all the solutions in the world.

“Literally wait for your turn,” Namjoon scowls.

“My arm hurts,” Jungkook says, raising his arm to show you. 

“I don’t … see anything?” You furrow your brows.

“Because my muscles hurt, Noona,” Jungkook emphasises with a flex of his bicep and you can feel yourself get hot in the way your eyes can’t stray away.

You’re momentarily distracted by the blatant display of muscle by Jungkook that you completely miss the way that Jimin and Taehyung are struggling to breathe because of how hard they’re stifling their laughter or the way that Namjoon is contemplating on throwing the nearest dumbbell into Jungkook’s direction.

You flush, “Okay, you know what? Wait here. Let me get the first aid kit.” You mumble, quickly scampering off to alleviate yourself from the situation.

The moment you leave the room, Namjoon takes two long strides until he reaches where Jungkook’s sat, before wrapping a hand around the arm that was supposedly hurt—and squeezes.

“Ow! What the fuck hyung?!” Jungkook shrieks.

“Don’t hyung me, you brat.” Namjoon seethes, “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Jungkook gapes, while Jimin and Taehyung watch in amusement.

“Me?! What’s wrong with you?” Jungkook retorts, equally as agitated, “Oh, _____, help spot me! Woe is me! Like she wouldn’t get crushed under you, you meathead!” 

“Like you’re any better,” Namjoon snaps, “Oh, Noona, pay attention to me. My arm hurts. You might as well have asked her to change your fucking diapers at the rate you’re acting like a damn child.”

“You’re the one that started all of this!” Jungkook exasperates, “With all due respect hyung, I love you and you’re my captain but I really feel like smashing your head into the wall right now.”

“That’s it?” Namjoon scoffs, “Well I’ll do you one better and let you know that every time you breathe in my direction I feel like—”

“Oh my God will you two idiots shut the fuck up?” Taehyung interjects, snapping at the two boys who pause, staring up at him with wide eyes.

Even Jimin is surprised at Taehyung’s intervention, purely because he was the type that usually let shit slide or let other people put problematic individuals into place. He was the mediator, the diplomat—not usually the aggressor.

“Wha—”

“Another peep and I’m going to smother your body under the dumbbells and leave you here to rot and die.” Taehyung seethes, staring straight into Jungkook’s soul.

That shuts him up.

“Both of you are acting like goddamn children, and for what? To battle out your masculinity to see who gets ____’s attention first?” Taehyung exasperates.

Namjoon clears his throat, “We were just—”

“—acting like a bunch of barbarians who’s never seen civilisation?” Taehyung retorts dryly, “Yeah. Because that’s exactly what this looks like. The two of you are so petty and for what? You two are literally rubbing the last remaining brain cells you have with each other but nothing is coming out from it. Like—nothing. Do you think she’d give a shit which one of you can lift more reps? That means absolutely nothing! She’s already freaked the fuck out at the prospect of her childhood best friend being in love with her and now we have Big Tit Number One and Two battling it out like you’re in the Greek Olympics.”

Jungkook blinks, and Jimin is mildly impressed.

“So before she comes back and tends to Jungkook’s hurt muscle,” Taehyung sneers, eyes narrowing at a guilty-looking Jungkook, “Both of you better sort your shit out.”

Namjoon flushes, embarrassed at the prospect of being called out, all while Jungkook is avoiding eye contact at all costs.

“Oh my God, do you have a crush on each other or something? Apologise!” Taehyung gestures towards the two boys who awkwardly blink at each other, feeling much like reprimanded children.

It’s Namjoon who breaks the silence first, clearly the more mature one in the situation.

“Look … Jungkook,” He sighs, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to … drag it out like this. I don’t mean it maliciously and you’re my friend and teammate, so I’d really hate if a girl got in the way.”

Jungkook nibbles on his lips, eyebrows still scrunched; and the irrational part of him tells him to ignore the apology. But with the way that Taehyung is glaring him down, with Jimin’s expectant gaze, he knows that he doesn’t have much of a choice.

“I’m sorry … too,” he winces at his own voice, “But just to let you know … I really …” He shuts his eyes, feeling his chest tighten when he tries to force the words out, “She isn’t just … a girl to me, hyung. I really, really like her. And—I know you like her too but … I fucked up and I really want to make things right and seeing you—”

Jungkook is flushing while he rambles on, fully aware that the rest of his friends are listening intently to him speaking his heart. But a hand rests itself on his shoulder, and when Jungkook opens his eyes he sees Namjoon offering him a gentle smile.

“I know,” He says, “I know I said I wouldn’t back off …” He trails off and Jungkook recalls the conversation he had with him in the very same gym just a few weeks back, “But I don’t think I can compete with a decade long love story.” 

Jungkook scoffs, though his ears are flushed.

“It’s really not—”

Namjoon waves him off, clasping a tight hand onto his back that tells him it’s okay, and whatever that was going on would get better. And Jungkook feels marginally better and allows himself to let out a sigh of release.

“So are the two of you gonna kiss or what?” Jimin asks in the midst of the silence.

Namjoon glares at the boy, “Don’t make me give you an extra ten laps.”

He backs down immediately, raising his hands up in defence. And at that moment, you return, all smiles and with a pant as you raise the first aid kit up.

“Your arm?” You smile sweetly, and Jungkook can only offer a weak on in return.

“Can I ask you something?” 

“Depends. Will I have to run from the government if I answer you honestly?” Yena ponders out loud.

You roll your eyes but shake your head anyway. The two of you were meant to be cooking dinner but you’ve surrendered yourself to Netflix and Yena’s witty live commentary on horrible films you were scrolling through an hour earlier. Though, your head wasn’t quite in it, to begin with; your thoughts drifting to other aspects, ones that you thought too hard for and didn’t necessarily know the answer to.

It was frustrating, the way that you wanted to have a solution for everything but overthought every single case that happens to pass by your mind. 

“No one’s hunting anyone down, your anarchist,” You say, “This is a little … personal.” 

You didn’t have any girl friends prior to Yena, and that was your first mistake. You weren’t the person that actively avoided having girl friends because you thought they were dramatic or overly emotional but purely because you never knew how to befriend women. It was weird—being a woman yet being muddled with your own sense of femininity that suppressed your ability to form meaningful friendships with your women peers.

Throughout most of your childhood and teenaged life, you only had Jimin, Taehyung and Jungkook. While they were more than enough to keep your memories cheerful and filled with laughter, there were more personal things that you couldn’t quite approach them with. They had each other to confide in their ‘manly’ discussions, small talk that you’d often flush at—but you couldn’t ask them the same things you wanted to.

You knew, that on a fundamental level that your personal things were just … things. It wasn’t that deep, nor did it require a PhD in Gender Studies to fully understand the nuance of periods or apparent ‘girl’ problems; you just needed to listen. But you were timid, and you got embarrassed super easily—so that never boded well whenever you’d want to approach them with a question of your own.

But now, you had Yena—debatably the most open and understanding person you’ve met in your life; and you owed it to yourself, and her—to be honest, to live yourself vicariously in your girl best friends eyes—and ask:

“How do you have sex?”

Granted, there was definitely a smoother way of peeling off the bandaid, but you supposed if you were going to be discussing this one way or another, you’d go big or go home.

“I’m sorry,” She coughs, “What?”

You blink.

“Sorry, I guess I should’ve asked if you were a virgin first …” You mumble.

Yena stares at you with a stupefied expression as she gapes at you.

“Hey, repeat after me: candy, tree and cat.” She grabs you by your shoulders.

“I’m not cerebrally compromised, Yena,” you say dryly.

“Repeat,” She glares.

You huff, shoving her hand off your shoulder.

“Candy, tree and cat. There, happy?” You huff.

She eyes you weirdly as you sigh. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yes!” You exasperate, “So like … how? Do you just? Penetrate?”

Yena blinks one more time, her eyes trailing to the ceiling as she asks for a higher being to give her strength before she returns her gaze onto your figure.

“Babe, that is literally the unsexiest way to approach sex.” 

“Penetration?” You furrow your brows.

She scrunches her brows, “No.” She gestures to you, “That.”

You scowl.

“I don’t know how to approach sex! That’s why I’m asking you. I literally don’t know who else to approach. If I went to Jimin or Taehyung I’m pretty sure they’d just stare at me and cry. Namjoon is out of the picture because he’d likely approach sex textbook style and I don’t need that level of detail right now. I definitely can’t ask Jungkook because he’s the guy I wanna have sex with. So yeah. I’m here because you’re a woman and the only person I can have a full conversation with without losing my will to live.”

Yena gawks at you, jaw slack as you finish your ramble; ears flushed.

“… you …” She begins, wracking her brain for the words that seem to fail her, “… okay. You know what, the fact that you’re here and putting your big girl pants on and asking me this is a feat in itself so I’m going to just ignore the fact that you said you wanted to have sex with Jungkook.”

You flush, “I was word vomiting—”

“Ah,” She holds her hands up, levelling you with a knowing glare, “If you want honest, you be honest too.”

You slump in your seat, sighing as you nod your head defeatedly.

“Firstly, I’m not a virgin. I could never be a virgin.” Yena declares, “Granted, I’ve slept with three people and two of them were women. But the idiot I lost my virginity to was, unfortunately, of XY chromosomes so … I guess I can answer your questions.”

“I mean … I know how sex works but … approaching it …” You mutter.

“And sex isn’t this groundbreaking act that requires Einstein’s IQ to partake in. It’s both intimate and not, and that’s definitely a personal preference. You can know the semantics of how people have sex, for hets in this case, which is just the classic ol’ penetration method where the penis enters the—”

“Your point?” You exasperate.

“—okay, I got a little carried away. But really, sex isn’t … difficult. It’s scary, I’ll give you that. But you don’t go into your first time thinking you’ll be great at it. Hell, you won’t even like sex that much your first few times unless your partner is a sex demon or something.”

“I mean when Jungkook …” You shudder, “When he … I … you know, did things … it felt …” You fiddle with your fingers. Your ears were undoubtedly on fire, and you were so embarrassed saying these things out loud because it was just so awkward!

“Good? You know I’m not going to judge you for it,” she says pointedly, “That’s what friends are for, right?”

You flush, covering your face with your hands in embarrassment. You knew that Yena would never judge you for something as trivial and as unimportant as your sexual endeavours, but this was still a road you’ve yet to properly navigate yourself.

“I … came,” you wince at your breathy voice, “It felt good. And … he’s experienced, you know? I just don’t want to …”

Yena looks at you inquisitively.

“You don’t want to …?”

You sigh deeply, considering your next words with a soft murmur, “I don’t want to not live up to his expectations, you know?”

She frowns at you, “Jungkook’s made some mistakes but you said it yourself. He’s in love with you,” she says softly, “There’s no pressure to have sex with him just because it’s out in the open now, you know?”

You nibble on your lips.

“It’s … more than just that,” you tell her, “I told him I needed time, and really, I do. But it isn’t because I’m confused. I mean, kind of—but really it’s because I don’t want to walk into something and disappoint him … I’m just … scared.”

Yena holds your hand in hers while offering you a gentle smile.

“It’s valid that you’re scared. But there really isn’t anything that can come out of being scared right now. The two of you worked through an obstacle, and here you are creating another one that doesn’t quite exist yet. Trust me, when the time feels right, it does. And you’ll feel ready. Will you still be scared? Maybe. But it’ll feel like it’s meant to fit within your timeline.”

You nibble on your lips, “Is it bad that I’m overthinking this?” You wince.

Yena shrugs her shoulders, “Like everything else in your life?” She teases.

You whine, shoving at her shoulder playfully where all Yena does is snicker in response. You weren’t quite sure what you were expecting out of the conversation, even if it was vaguely about the ins and outs of sexual exploration. And she was right, you’ll always be afraid of something, whether it’ll benefit you or harm you because that’s what change does. It shifts your comfort zone into a space that may be unfamiliar but necessary.

You lean into Yena’s shoulder, and a wave of overwhelming emotion washes upon you when you look at her. You really didn’t know how you survived a time without Yena in your life. And as if she’s noticed your glassy gaze, she raises an eyebrow at you.

“What are you looking at?”

You grin at her, all teeth and gums on display as you hug onto her arm like a koala.

“I’m just really happy you’re in my life.” You sigh wistfully.

She pauses for one whole second before she snorts.

“Wow, talk about sex once and suddenly you’re in love with me?” She wiggles her eyebrows at you, “Tell Jeon and Kim that you’re mine now.”

You giggle, rolling your eyes.

“They’re not even competing in the same league as you are,” you assure her.

She smiles.

“So … does that mean I don’t need to get you a birthday gift?”

That earns a thwack on her shoulder.

[justoneday-namjoonii]

forgive me

anon request: “I really love the way you write angsty stuff so if u want, can u write a scene where jungkook is like involved in illegal stuff like drugs or maybe he's a hitman, Y/N and Jungkook have a conflict about that because she's not happy with what he does, he gets hurt a lot but he enjoys his job and doesn't wanna give it up cuz he loves the thrill. It can be an emotional scene where Y/N tells him that she's afraid of losing him because of what he does. Honestly come up with anything, I don't mind 😂”

prompt: Jungkook is a druglord, you’re a waitress at a shabby burger place. He loves what he does and even though you try to ignore it, it scares you. You fear you’ll lose him if he doesn’t quit and he’s all you have. Your so called family are full of lies and if it wasn’t for Jungkook, you don’t know where you’d be. You wonder every night if the sirens you hear are for him—you pray it’s not for him. Secretly, he feels the same about you.

pairing: Jungkook x reader

genre: angst, drabble, mental health issues, mentions of murder, mature subject matter

author’s note: For the anon who requested this, this is for you! I hope you enjoy~ did i watch Truth be Told and decide to make the OC a twin? yes, yes i did

When you opened your eyes, you started to feel around for your cellphone. When you couldn't feel for it, you rolled over and yawned, it's probably under the bed. That's where its gonna stay too. As soon as you got home from work, you fell face-first into your bed and taking a shower was the last thing on your mind. But now you're feeling the stale department store smell on your clothes. It takes about two minutes for you to roll out of bed and realize you that Jungkook should have been here by now. You grab your phone and see two missed calls and a text from 2 hours ago.

jungkook💖💫: im sorry ill be over a little later baby, something came up 

jungkook💖💫: i miss you angel

You smile, he always misses you. And you miss him too, but you know he's probably out there in the slums of the city, doing what he does. How you lucked out with him, you have no idea. One night you were trying to call an Uber to get home from a birthday party at the club. It was around midnight and you had to work so you couldn't hang with the hardcore crowd. You went outside to call for a ride but you were being watched. Some guy kept catcalling, just outright harassing you. It was the scariest night of your life. You were telling him to leave you alone but he was drunk or high, either way, he wasn't all there. He snatched your phone. Just when you thought he was going to grab you, a black sports car, one you would have had to work two lifetimes to afford, stopped at the light. And before you know it, the man trying to get you is being dragged into the alley where he probably would have taken you. You remember being frozen, all you could hear was cursing and blunt force. The mystery man, whose car is still in the middle of the road, emerges from the dark corner between the buildings.

You were completely taken. The smile, the hair, the tattoos, and dangling earrings, paired with a striking gaze—he was an angel. He was so beautiful and he was just looking at you stand there with your mouth open.

"If there's one thing I hate, oh here you go," He hands you your phone and you get a nice look at his hand tattoo, "it's motherfuckers who can't leave women the fuck alone. Sorry you had to deal with that, but he won't be bothering you or anyone else after tonight, or use his hands again," He sighs, fixing his clothes a bit and wiping the blood from the corner of his lip, "are you okay?"

"Yeah, thank you," You slip the phone in your bomber jacket pockets, "not a lot of people would stop a stupid guy from bothering a girl they don't even know."

"Yeah, I'm Jungkook by the way," He introduces himself with a smile, situating his nice clothes, "do you- Um, did you need a ride? I'm not a creep I swear," He holds his hands up in surrender when you furrow your brows at the suggesting—great, now she thinks I'm a pervert. 

"I didn't stop that guy as blackmail to get laid, I just-" He pauses to grapple for the right words, "I saw you just standing on the curb and I know it's not safe out here-"

"If it's not any trouble," You interrupt his rambling, "I live about 15 minutes away, I was gonna call a ride but if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it. My name is Y/n, by the way."

That night changed your life forever. It was the first time you had wanted to kiss a stranger, the first night you ever came close to a soulmate. He confesses to having seen you in the club, he was at the bar, refusing offers from every girl from the bartenders to cougars out on the town, at least that's what you always thought. In that little fifteen minutes, you got to know very little about him but you felt so comfortable sharing things about yourself when he asked. He dropped you off and said if you ever needed anything, to give him a call. 

You never got to use the number because you ended up seeing him again. He showed up to your job, but he wasn't there for you, he was there for one of your money laundering and pill-popping associates. You were taking a break and for some reason, the break room was eerily empty. After you heard gunshots and the whole store went into chaos. You remember trying to leave and suddenly being swept away and into an outside electrical room apart of the building. You calmed down enough to realize that it was him but you were baffled.

"What're the odds that you would work at the same place as that bastard," He fiddles with the gun, tucking it to his side and flipping on the safety and pulling off his mask with a toothy grin, "do you remember me?"

"You?... Jungkook, how did you- Why are you-..." You make a small step back and swallow, scrambling to think of something to say. "Have you been following me like some creep?!"

"No! this is just a run-in by fate, I swear I didn't plan it. I'm not even supposed to still be here but I couldn't just leave, not without saying something to you."

"Okay...What do you want to say? I have to get back on the clock." You look him up and down, his all-black clothes and heavy boots intimidating but alluring in many ways.

"Wanna grab a coffee?"

For some reason, you said yes to the familiar stranger.

"Sure- I mean no! No, I can't Jungkook, I have to get back to work-"

"Trust me, just come with me," He extends his hand for you to take and smiles, "you won't regret it."

You took his hand and never looked back.

* * *

Nights like this.

When it's too early to ruin his life and too late to pretend like he wouldn't care. So when he shows up to the lounge to enforce an unpaid debt from a client, he leaves with bruised knuckles, two grand, and a rush of adrenaline. He went a little hard on the guy, but can you blame him? He messed up his plans. Tonight is date night, also known as 'crash at your place' night. It worked out though, you had to work late so he wouldn't be too tardy. Judging by the fact that you haven't answered your phone, you must be knocked out.

He slips his hand into his pocket and fumbles with his keys until he finds the one to your apartment. When he walks inside he hears the sink on and smiles to himself, you must've just woken up. 

"Baby, it's me," He announces himself, "how was your day?"

"Fine," You step out in your work clothes, still trying to get your earrings out, "as fine as a day working for the devil could be." 

"That bad?" You take note of the silk black shirt that's rolled up to his elbows, letting you see his beautiful sleeve of tattoos. When he comes dressed like this, and smelling like smoke you know he's been out into high-end clubs. The way some of the women look at him makes you feel small and a little self-conscious. But he always reassures you that you're who he wants, not some woman who sees him as an experimental one-night stand. When he tells you to meet him in the restroom because he needs to tell you something, you're reminded that you're all he wants.

"She screwed the schedule. My only day off was taken because her favorite, Kasey, has to go out of town."

He unbuttons the buttons on his shirt with deliberate fingers. "You walked out on a job for me before, remember that?" He smiles, letting his shirt fall from his shoulders like a dream. A bruise on his upper arm catches your attention but you don't say anything. "If you're not happy, just leave. I can take care of you, you can be my sugar baby."

"Yeah, my step-mom would love that, I could see it now," You cringe at the thought, "Hey, just a heads up, I'm not working or married but I have a sugar daddy who pays all my bills and lets me use his money for free, oh, he's also a drug lord. She'd really think highly of me then." 

"Fuck Carol, she's a judgmental priss anyway," He comes up to you, hands finding your waist, "why do you care what she thinks about you?" 

"I don't care what she thinks, but if she finds out she'll tell my dad and I don't want to hear it from him. If he pretends to not be disappointed by the lesser-twin one more time, I'll actually cuss him out...He's such a liar, he lied to my mom and he lies to me.”

"Quit saying that," Jungkook grabs you under your thighs, wrapping your legs around his waist so he can sit on the edge of your bed, "you're not the lesser-twin, you're the cute and sexy twin." You sit back on his thighs and you both laugh at his attempt to lighten your mood.

"Well, I'm not a successful surgeon and I'm broke as hell, but at least my boyfriend thinks I'm cute." His hands find their way to the hem of your shirt and pull it over your head, revealing a disappointing tank top.

"See, this is disappointing. Why are you wearing a tank top? It's a hundred degrees outside." He sighs, looking up at you like a pouting little kid.

"Because I want to," You grin, brushing his hair from his brows, revealing a scratch, "you're cut."

"Yeah, had a run-in with an old friend, we're obviously not friends anymore."

"You should take me with you on these deals and stuff, I'd make a great bodyguard for you," You joke, "if you showed me how to use a gun."

"You?" He giggles at the image of you secretly acting as a bodyguard, a dagger, and a gun in a garter under a skintight dress. "That's not a bad idea, they'd be too distracted looking at how fucking beautiful you are to see you as a threat."

"Yeah, I always saw as the Bonnie & Clyde type of couple," He leans up to kiss you and you smile through it before he pulls away, "eh, you need to shower, you smell like weed."

He furrows his brows, a snarky smile on his mouth. "And you smell like French fries, but I still kissed you.”

"Touche." You can't argue with that, the French fries smell gets to you too.

He picks you up, carrying you to the bathroom with a beaming smile.

"Let's shower then."

 * * *

A deal went bad, he got grazed by a bullet and spent a few hours at the emergency room.

When he pulled in to the driveway and saw your car, he sighed in relief—he was hoping you'd come. After work, you had come by earlier to clear your head and take a breather from your cramped apartment and rowdy neighbors. Ever since his 'new position' he was put up in this huge mansion, equipped with a full staff. Luckily, they were off tonight so no need to keep quiet.

It's getting late and you've been trying to watch a baking show to stay awake but it was getting difficult. He hadn't called or answered any of your calls or texts. When you hear the garage door open, your heavy lids lift and you yawn, trying to wake up so you can tell him how your day has been.

He opens the door with a deep sigh and he's glad you can't see the thick white bandage on his upper arm and tired shadows under his eyes because of the dim lights. "Jungkook, it's so late..." You mumble, sitting up. "what took you so long?"

"Yeah, baby, I just had a mix up with someone who owed the group a lot of money, they, uh- They opened fire and we had a lot to clean up." He offhandedly mentions that and goes to the bathroom to change and you just wait for him.

The painkiller is wearing off but he manages to brush his teeth and slip into some sweats and a t-shirt. After flicking the light switch off, he falls into bed with a heavy exhale. Glad to finally have him close so you can tell him about your terrible day, you turn to hug him, and instantly a wince of pain leaves his mouth. 

"Sorry," You giggled, thinking he was just kidding until you see the bandage on his arm, "Oh my gosh," You sit up, hand reaching for his bandage with concern in your brows, "what happened?"

"It's nothing baby, I was grazed by a bullet and had to go to the ER," He spares you a weak grin, hand rustling through his damp locks, "but it's nothing, I feel fine."

It's always nothing to him. You lean down and place a gentle kiss on his forehead, one he would normally place on you. Nights go by and you know he's out there risking his life, not thinking how devastated you would be if one night he doesn't come back.  

He caresses the apple of your cheek, lips parting when sits up to try to kiss you, but you pull away.

"Hey, I've had a long day I just want to kiss you," He sits up now, "talk to me." 

"Talk to yourself, I'm going to sleep."

"Where the fuck is this coming from?" He glares at you, tone firmer than before. "Y/n, cut the crap. What's the problem?"

"Jungkook, there's no problem I just worry about you."

"I don't mean to make you worry," He speaks softly, "but you know this is what I do, I can't stop now, even if I wanted to."

"I know," Sadly, "but you're all I have."

He tilts his head, a bit confused. "What happened?"

"My sister called when I got off of work. My dad isn't doing well, his liver is in terrible condition and he needs a transplant...He's on a wait-list now." 

Knowing the severed relationship you have with your family, he treads lightly when requesting this. "Do you want to go see him?-"

"No!" You snap. "Why would I want to see him? This is what he gets for killing my mother."

"Y/n, you don't mean that..." Jungkook gets uncomfortable when you enter that head-space, you become ruthless in your words and your eyes glaze over with something he has yet to understand.

"Why not? It's true. He was cheating on her, that's why he never came home and she thought something was wrong. So drove out in the middle of the night during a storm and ended up crashing into a tree, because of him. My sister has always defended him, but I think it's because she didn't like mom either...The two of them may have cried at the funeral but I know them, they were glad she left us. That's why I need you, Jungkook, I don't have them or want them..."

"Y/n, you have to learn to forgive them for whatever you think they did, it's going to drive you insane if you don't...Fuck them, spend your energy on us, okay?"

"I'm already insane, I'm with you, aren't I? You come close to being killed every week, and it bothers me to think you might not come home...But I'll go through that if it means I get to have you, I love you, I only love you..." You lay your head on his shoulder.

He’s your angel.

You aren’t sure what you are to him.

[lov3nerdstuff]

Voluptas Noctis Aeternae {Part 2.1}

*Severus Snape x OC*

Summary: It is the year 1983 when the ordinary life of Robin Mitchell takes a drastic turn: she is accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Despite the struggles of being a muggle-born in Slytherin, she soon discovers her passion for Potions, and even manages the impossible: gaining the favor of Severus Snape. Throughout the years, Robin finds that the not quite so ordinary Potions Professor goes from being a brooding stranger to being more than she had ever deemed possible. An ally, a mentor, a friend... and eventually, the person she loves the most. Through adventure, prophecies and the little struggles of daily life in a castle full of mysteries, Robin chooses a path for herself, an unlikely friendship blossoms into something more, and two people abandoned by the world can finally find a home.

General warnings: professor x student (however no underage romance), blood, violence, trauma, neglectful families, bullying, cursing

Words: 5k

Read Part 1.1 here! All Parts can be found on the Masterlist!

______________________________

The end of Robin's first year at Hogwarts had come sooner than expected. She had done fairly well in all of her exams, even defense against the dark arts, despite her previous concerns. After the incident in March, Professor Morgan actually had as good as ignored her for the remainder of the school year, and merely given her grades slightly worse than she believed she deserved. Nothing out of the ordinary, and the same could be said for the other subjects. She had made efforts however, since that night, to become better in charms, and it had paid off in terms of both grades and knowledge. It still hadn't sufficed to beat herbology, leave alone potions, but she felt comfortable with more spells than she had learned in class, and that ought to be enough.

Thus, when summer had finally forced Robin to return home to her parents' house, she had actually felt content with her overall progress of the past year, but also desperately ready for a break in all the learning.

That sentiment however had lasted for a mere week, and without the possibility to borrow books from her favorite potions professor, Robin soon had found the necessity to find other methods to keep herself busy, and distract herself from missing school. Those methods mainly had entailed sitting in on summer classes at the university her parents worked for, and while a twelve year old wasn't really the intended audience for any of those classes, Robin had been surprised to find that she actually had understood quite a lot of the entry level subjects. Thus her summer had been filled with classes on history, cultural studies and art –which had turned out to be more about architecture than about art after all– and she had learned a lot while yet being systematically excluded from everything not class related by both the regular students and the professors. Her parents hadn't been any better, as they had been working day in day out as always, ignoring her as always, saying "that's nice, sweetie" as always.

Only upon her return to Hogwarts for the beginning of her second year, Robin had actually felt like she belonged once more. Both the castle and the landscape gave her a feeling of finally being able to breathe again, after a long time of existing in a room with too little air. Sure, seeing her parents had been nice to some degree, but only at Hogwarts did she actually feel like a person of value again. At her parents house, she was an asset in a game that wasn't hers to play. At Hogwarts however she was Robin, and the master of her own fate. Even if to the others she was still the muggle born Slytherin who spent more time with her books than with her peers.

And just like that, she happily threw herself back into her classes and assignments, picking things right back up where she had left off last term.

The members of her study group started talking about their O.W.L.s and about fairly little else quite early on, and Robin soon found herself annoyed by them more than she appreciated their company. Thus she started to spend more and more time studying by herself instead, and eventually also eating by herself as well. Unlike last year, she actually didn't mind not having a permanent group, or anything that came even close to friendships. There was always someone she could sit with, should she choose to do so in the first place, even if that someone was only a brief acquaintance from one of her classes.

Her habit of borrowing books from Professor Snape had to her great luck survived the summer, and right after the first class of the term he had dropped a thick tome about preserving and properly storing different kinds of ingredients on her desk. Not the most interesting read, admittedly, but she would gladly take anything she got. It was still better than those books in the library that all basically said the same thing with different words. She found herself wondering more than once if perhaps they had all been writing by the same person, under different synonyms.

Thus for the following weeks in potions class, whenever they weren't actively brewing anything in particular, Robin would read in that book instead of listening to a lecture about some thing she'd known for half a year already, and to her surprise Professor Snape hadn't complained nor given her an odd look for it even once. Robin soon had realized that they might just have come to the silent agreement that she would learn more if she stuck to her books for now. Well, his books, but nobody needed to know about that. It was an unspoken agreement between them to keep this arrangement to themselves, as well as the quite good terms on which they were with each other at this point. Well, 'good' in Snape's terms at least, which meant that he mostly just let her be for the duration of class and she asked any questions she might have about her reads afterwards.

Eventually this habit, and this particular book especially, had led Robin to discover what she would put into the locket she had been wearing ever since the previous Christmas: a branch of dried dittany. Admittedly, fitting an entire branch into a locket of less than the size of her palm might have posed a problem, had Robin not done her research properly and come across a spell that allowed her to expand the space within the locket to a much greater size than the outside would let on. A simply extending charm, really, but very useful as she found. That only had left one issue remaining, and after having a frank conversation with Professor Sprout (whose favor Robin had gained last year by being the only Slytherin student who actually cared about herbology), Robin had been indeed allowed to take a branch of dittany from the greenhouse. In the week following upon that, she had carefully followed the instructions in the borrowed book and dried the plant while (hopefully) preserving all its qualities, therefore turning her nightstand into the best improvised laboratory she could manage.

At the end of her efforts, she'd actually been quite proud of the outcome, and that is exactly why she had kept the whole endeavour to herself and simply had gone back to wearing the locket every day like she used to, only that now it hid one of the finest healing plants the country had to offer. She'd have to see if she could get her hands on dried mandrake too, at some point. But for now, the dittany would do.

______________

The peace and quiet of her life at Hogwarts lasted for exactly two and a half months after term had started, right up to the point when Professor Morgan decided that it was time to mess with Robin once again. Honestly, while she hadn't really seen it coming this time either, she had indeed known that he eventually would start causing her problems again. And it just happened to be a lot sooner than she expected.

"Miss Mitchell!" His exaggeratedly cheerful voice brought Robin to an immediate halt, and an immediate spark of panic to her heart. It was Saturday night this time around, but yet again right after dinner and in the emptiest and dark hallway Hogwarts had to offer outside of the dungeons. Robin was spotting a scheme here.

"Professor Morgan…" Robin half sighed and half stated as she turned around to face the man in question. After over a year of having to listen to way too many girls fawning over him, she still couldn't understand how anyone could seriously and in good conscience consider this sleazy individual handsome.

"What a strange déjà vu to be having… Feels like it was ages ago that you messed up my classroom." He smiled innocently and shook his head to himself.

"Funny, to me it seems like just yesterday." Robin replied with the most neutral face she could manage.

"Ah, you and your… witty… remarks, how I have -not- missed those over the summer…" He sighed and raised his chin for a moment, peering down at her over the bottom rim of his reading glasses, which he wore only whenever he wanted to look particularly authoritative. Or that's what Robin thought, at least.

"What is it you would like from me this time, sir?" She asked as calmly as possible, while her hands were getting clammy again nonetheless and she had to resist the urge to wipe them on her trousers. That would've been a dead tell of her anxiety, and she didn't want him to see any of it at all.

"You will assist me in class on Monday. I will be demonstrating a spell that seeks out the other's deepest truths. Much like that famous potion, actually, what's it called again…"

"Veritaserum?" Robin suggested with a frown, keeping her face otherwise neutral while her anxiety went through the roof. He seriously wanted to force her to speak whatever truth in front of the entire class by using magic?! Was that even allowed?

"Exactly! However what I intend to show to the class is called legilimency."

"Never heard of it…"

"That is because it is not commonly taught at this institution."

At that, Robin's heart started beating even faster in nervousness. "But… then why would you teach it to us now, sir? And- and why do you need to demonstrate it on me, out of all people?"

Professor Morgan let out a small snort in return. "I'm not teaching it to you, don't be ridiculous… I'm merely using it to demonstrate something. And I chose you to demonstrate it on, because you are an obvious choice. You were so very intent on your honesty and truthfulness last year that I see no reason as for why it should bother you to speak the truth yet again."

"What if I don't want to assist you?" Robin asked quietly, with a lump in her throat that simply refused to be swallowed down, and her only hope was that the darkness of the hallway hid the fear in her eyes at least.

"Well, I would absolutely hate to force you to do it, Miss Mitchell, but I'm afraid you have no choice." He smiled sweetly, with just a touch of feigned sympathy. "Don't worry, it will be over in a blink."

"But-"

"You see, I told you about this beforehand because I came to realize that troublesome young children such as yourself need a role model for their actions, if we ever want something to become of them." He said with another self sufficient sigh, looking around the hallway as if dwelling in the righteousness of his own statement. "I believe one day in the very distant future you will thank me for every lesson I teach you now. So consider yourself lucky that I allow you to participate in this… lesson."

"Yes, sir." Robin gave back in a neutral tone, while her insides however were both on fire and frozen over at the same time. This was Morgan's late revenge for what had happened last term, it had to be… He'd waited until she felt safe, only to strike now. Petty move, honestly… and still Robin felt sick to the stomach.

"Very well!" Morgan was back to cheery. "I will see you in class on Monday. Have a lovely rest of the weekend." Without wasting another glance on her, he turned on his heel, clasped his hands behind his back nonchalantly and walked off into the direction of his classroom.

Robin however remained standing in her spot for a little while longer, heart beating frantically while a cold rush of adrenaline washed over her body in the most uncomfortable manner. Bloody hell, that man scared her more every time she had to interact with him, and it had only gotten exponentially worse since the detention incident. Tears started stinging in her eyes upon the mere thought of going to class on Monday, but she obviously didn't have much of a choice. Even if she found a reason to avoid class on Monday, he would just come at her with the same threat the next class or the one after that, and she couldn't avoid defense against the dark arts classes for the next five years to come. She also didn't want to, she actually liked the subject. It was only Morgan that she despised.

As the adrenaline slowly decreased and made room for rational thoughts once more, Robin also rediscovered her ability to move. Without even having to think about it, her feet carried her down to the dungeons and right to Professor Snape's office. Yet once she was about to knock on his door, her fist stilled mid-air as she finally paused to think. This wasn't a good idea… well, sure, he had told her to find him if she ran into any problems with Professor Morgan, but then again… she really didn't want a repetition of last time. More so for his sake than for her own. Also, she couldn't just come bursting into his office like the frightened idiot she was, hoping to be shown an easy way out of this the very second she asked for it. No, if she was to drag him into this again (and that was a big IF still) she better come to him with a plan already at hand.

Robin pulled her hand back and dropped it to her side with a sigh, then walked backwards until her back gently touched the cold wall on the opposite side of the hallway. What on earth was she even doing… She was a second year student, and Professor Morgan was… well, a professor. A bloody bad one, to her luck, but still… what kind of chance did she stand against him? Especially in regards to a spell that she hadn't even heard about, leave alone knew how to read up on if it wasn't something she was even supposed to learn about in the first place. She wasn't brave enough to go into the restricted section of the library, and the open one only had books appropriate for standard school topics. She couldn't refuse to partake, couldn't use any sort of shielding spell against him… Hell, if he'd just give her good old veritaserum, at least she would know what she was in for. There even were antidotes for that stuff! Actually… Morgan had said that the spell was rather similar to veritaserum. Robin crossed her arms over her chest and started pacing up and down the hallway, passing by the door again and again on each way.

Maybe… maybe she could make the antidote to veritaserum, and take it before class on Monday. Did that help against legi… what was it again? Gosh, she really couldn't concentrate whenever her anxiety got the better of her. And remembering technical terms wasn't all that high on her list of priorities when she was fighting with blind panic on the inside and not showing any of it on the outside. It was an unfair battle, really…

Antidote. Yes. It could work, it had to… it was the best plan she had. Again she walked by the office door, and right past it towards the end of the hallway yet again. How was she supposed to get the recipe for that antidote though? Or the necessary ingredients?! Making veritaserum itself was a rather advanced procedure, and even if Robin was far ahead of her class, she wasn't that good, not even close. The antidote would require even more precision and knowledge. Robin turned around once she reached the end of the hallway, and headed back into the opposite direction. She couldn't do it alone, couldn't do it at all maybe. But she also couldn't just sit by and do nothing while Professor Morgan would make her blurt out every secret she has ever had in class on Monday. Bloody hell…

"Will you stop pacing and come in already?" Snape's deep voice brought both Robin and her thoughts to a sudden halt. She froze in her step and finally lifted her gaze off the floor to see him standing in the doorway a mere two steps to her right, giving her that trademark pretending-to-be-annoyed frown.

Heat rose to Robin's face immediately, and she felt both embarrassed and relieved as he turned to the side to make room for her to enter.

"I'm sorry, sir, I just… I didn't want to bother you." Robin finally remembered to speak, as she sat down in the by now familiar chair across from his own.

"Now that you did, you might as well tell me the reason for it." He replied calmly as he took his own seat with an expectant expression. Robin held his gaze for a moment, then let her eyes wander around the room like she always did, until something caught her sight.

"The small jar with the green liquid in the third shelf from the bottom, second from the right… it stood on the second shelf from the bottom, last time I was here." She said quietly, before she could really convince herself not to. It was a stupid observation, without any meaning probably, but saying this was easier than answering his question.

Professor Snape's frown deepened as he followed Robin's line of sight, before it vanished and his eyebrows rose up high as ever. "It would indeed appear that it was… misplaced."

"Now or then?"

"Why are you here, Miss Mitchell?"

Robin looked down at her hands, as they were nervously fiddling with the edge of her grey jumper on their own accord. Darn it… she didn't even have any real reason to keep secrets from him anymore. He'd seen her cry, seen her desperate and seen her being a complete dunderhead. Snape was probably the only person in Hogwarts she had ever been entirely honest with in the first place, and when she thought about it, she had no intention to change that now.

With a still fragile certainty, she looked up to meet his eye again. "I'm here because I need the instructions for a potion."

His eyebrows lifted even higher, and he almost looked amused once again, but seeing as Robin herself didn't smile even remotely, the brief expression vanished in a blink. "Which potion?"

"The antidote for veritaserum."

"Why, pray tell, do you believe I would simply give it to you?"

"I do not."

"Then why are you here?"

"Because I had to try nonetheless." There was no insecurity in her voice, which surprised her a little, but it didn't come unappreciated. This was a serious matter to her, and he might as well know that. At least he hadn't straight up denied her request and thrown her out of the office already.

Instead his eyes narrowed and he sat up a little straighter as he seemed to grasp the gravity the issue held for Robin. "Why do you need that antidote so desperately that you risk asking for it so boldly?"

"Self-preservation." As he merely gave her a look in return, she added, "I was asked to assist in a class on Monday."

"And that justifies your request because…?"

"It's Professor Morgan's class." Robin's voice went down in volume by more than she intended, but she couldn't care less because Snape's face showed an immediate expression of understanding, then question, and irritation at last.

"I see. What did he say to you, exactly?" He asked a bit too darkly for it to be nonchalant or even neutral, and Robin felt an odd sense of relief to see him still disliking the defense against the dark arts professor as much as she did. She only could've hoped that he had not changed his mind since March, and obviously he hadn't. So far so good.

"He said he wants to demonstrate a spell on me that reveals my deepest truths, and that the spell reminded him of veritaserum. Well, actually, I suggested veritaserum as a comparison because he couldn't remember the name." Robin shrugged and Professor Snape rolled his eyes theatrically, but Robin got the impression that it wasn't directed at her as much as at Morgan.

"Did he say which spell?"

"He did, but…" Robin bit her bottom lip for a second, reminding herself that he had indeed seen her panic before and there was no reason to not tell him about another instance now. "He did say which spell, however I… was too busy not dying over anxiety to pick it up and remember what it's called exactly." The annoyance she had expected to see on his face didn't come, which pushed her to continue on. "But I remember that it's something that's not taught at Hogwarts. He doesn't want us to learn it, just… just demonstrate it himself for some reason. I believe it started with an I or an L… I'm sorry, sir, I honestly don't remember. I should have though, I know…"

Oddly enough, Snape's reaction still was none of annoyance, but he rather stared right past Robin, lost in thought. Had her information not been completely useless after all? Anyway, she almost felt calm now that she had opened up to him about the situation. At least she wasn't alone with it anymore; someone knew of her concerns and actually took them seriously. That was a huge step towards getting out of this entire thing relatively unharmed. Her heartbeat slowed down significantly, and she didn't feel sick anymore. Good… Now, that other jar also had-

"Miss Mitchell?"

"Huh?" Her eyes snapped back to her professor and her cheeks gained in colour once again. She really needed to stop zoning out whenever she was in his office… Snape however kindly ignored her flustering and went right on as if nothing had happened in the first place.

"Was what Professor Morgan mentioned by any chance titled 'legilimency'?"

"Yes!" She blurted right out, eyes widening a little in surprise that he had actually been able to make any use of her poor information. "Exactly that!" The look she received in return however made her wish she hadn't answered all that enthusiastically, as it sent a chill down her spine in an instant.

"Are you absolutely certain?"

"Yes, yes I am… Why? What kind of spell is that, professor? Why are you asking like that?" She asked in an almost insecure manner now, but didn't receive an answer as he got up and went to retrieve a book from one of the shelves in the far corner of the room. After flipping through the pages for a moment, he turned the open book around and handed it to Robin before moving to sit back down in his chair in silence.

Robin scanned the page to get the overall gist of it, and her eyes widened in sheer horror at every word she read. At last she placed the book on the desk between them and simply stared at Professor Snape in both shock and fear. Morgan wanted… and he really was forcing her to… no!

"That is why I'm asking like that." Snape sounded almost as displeased as Robin felt, even if he had no reason to in her eyes. She was glad that he shared the sentiment nonetheless.

"Can't… Is that… Is that even allowed?" Robin's voice was but a whisper, a plea almost to whoever would hear, to at least make this wrong.

"The use of veritaserum on students has… unfortunately been prohibited, however I'm not aware of any such rules regarding legilimency. As it seems, the ministry has as of yet turned a blind eye to it."

"And… and the headmaster?"

"Will hardly see a fault in a mere demonstration of the subject. He has always been quite… liberal."

Robin's face fell even more, and she stared down at the words on the page in front of her as they began swimming together slowly. Then however she frowned at a different issue. "Professor… It may be completely stupid of me to say, but… this spell does not sound like anything I know about veritaserum. I mean, sure, it both reveals the truth in a way, but if I understand correctly, this… is more than just a means to finding out the truth. It's a hellfire being compared to a match. Which leads me to believe that –and I do apologize for being so direct about this– Professor Morgan either has no idea about this spell, even though it falls into his supposed area of expertise, or he doesn't know a thing about even the most basic basics of potions."

"I'm led to believe that he isn't proficient in either." A small pause, and Robin managed a half smile at his fairly direct insult before he continued speaking. "And you are right, Miss Mitchell, legilimency has fairly little to do with veritaserum, or more precisely, nothing at all. Which is why I will not give you the instructions for the antidote."

While his words definitely made sense, Robin also felt her heart sinking and squeezing together painfully. It had been her only chance… or had it? Another idea sprung to her mind suddenly, and even though she knew that it was extremely inappropriate and straight out wrong, it was an idea born from desperation. "What if I poison him?"

Snape's expression did show a small but honest reaction upon her words, a mixture of astonishment and a hint of being impressed, but more words fell off Robin's lips before he could shut her up. "Maybe draught of living death, so that he doesn't show up to class until I graduate, or forgetfulness potion to make him forget that he ever asked me to do this, forced me to do this even, or a hate potion so he shows his TRUE self in front of the entire school, or-"

"That's quite enough, Miss Mitchell." He interrupted her with a scolding tone, and Robin sobered from her rant in but a second. Oh no… had she really just said all of that? Out loud?? To Professor Snape??? As he continued, his voice took on a more neutral tone again, but his eyes conveyed the same graveness nonetheless. "I'm giving five points to Slytherin, for your remarkable knowledge of admittedly rather suitable positions for the occasion. And I am giving you detention, for suggesting to poison a teacher."

"What?!"

"Come to my office first thing after breakfast tomorrow morning. You will be here the entire day, so don't expect to be indulging in any other… activities tomorrow."

"Tomorrow is Sunday." Robin frowned at him, and felt a little betrayed after all. She had a serious problem at hand and he was giving her detention?! However justified it was, for her impulsive blurt of a desperation born thoughts, she had hoped for a little more understanding at least. Also, there was no detention on Sundays. Usually.

"I'm well aware." He replied to her surprise, giving her another of those looks that said more than his words did. Only that this time Robin had no idea what exactly it was that it said. But she didn't question him, as much as she wanted to, for he wouldn't give a reply anyway. When Professor Snape demanded something to be done, it would be. That's just how things were, and Robin found herself admiring him for it even. He wore an armor of dangerous intensity for his daily robes, and it suited him better than anyone else.

"I'll be here, sir." She finally replied in a quiet voice, and her eyes went back to the book on the desk. Would he at least let her borrow it until Monday, so that she could prepare for what was coming her way?

As if he was reading her mind now indeed, he gave an answer to her internal question. "The book won't help you, Miss Mitchell, nor will any potion. I suggest you spend the night resting instead of pondering over either option."

"How did you know I would?" Robin asked with a half amused and half embarrassed huff. Did he actually read her mind? He probably did, and yet she had the sudden feeling that detention with Professor Snape wouldn't be all that horrible. Not for her, at least.

"Because I would. Given your point of view on this issue, it is the most sensible thing to do." He replied with a risen eyebrow and a pointed look. "However from my point of view, I strongly advise you to rest. You will fare better with energy rather than pointless knowledge in tomorrow's… detention."

Robin frowned at his cryptic statement, but he seemed rather unwilling to say any more on the issue and thus Robin took a deep breath before she went to reply in his trademark neutrality. "Very well. No books for me tonight, I'm going straight to bed. Would that be all, sir?"

"Careful, Mitchell. You wouldn't want to risk detention over your wit."

"I thought I already have detention, sir."

"Get. Out." He drawled in a low tone, and yet the not-smirk tugging on his lips didn't escape Robin's notice as she rose to her feet and walked to the door.

Somehow she felt better than she knew she should in the light of getting detention, leave alone what would be happening on Monday. But here she was, having to hide her smirk as she turned around to Snape once again. "Goodnight, professor. I'll be on time."

"You better be." He mused with another gaze louder than words. "Tomorrow."

As Robin closed the door behind herself and stepped into the dark hallway, turning into the direction of her dormitory, she allowed a small smile to grace her lips at last. Things still weren't exactly working out in her favor, but after talking to the quite possibly darkest person she had ever known, the world seemed an odd lot brighter nonetheless.

______________________________

Tags:

@ayamenimthiriel @chibi-lioness @t-sunnyside @alex4555

General Tags:

@its-remy-not-ratatouille @wegingerangelica @dreary-skies-stuff @wiczer @lotus-eyedindiangoddess @theweirdlunatic @caretheunicorn @kthemarsian @lady-of-lies @strawberrysandcream @noplacelikehome77 @theoneanna @mishaandthebrits @i-am-a-mes @nonsensicalobsessions @exygon @hiddles-lobotomy @rjohnson1280 @annwhojumps @spookycatqueen @salempoe @headoverhiddleston @fanfiction-and-stress @createdfromblue @halszka-potter @thecreatiivecorner @themusingsofmany @kinghiddlestonanddixon @scorpionchild81 @crystal-28 @adefectivedetective @lokis-girl-in-mischief @booklover2929 @iamverity @lovesmesomehiddles @akk4rin @whitewolfandthefox @stuckupstucky

[vorta-whore]

Personal Log of First Ridok’tala

Notes from the personal log of one Jem’Hadar First in the early days of his species’ initiation into the Dominion, detailing his dealings with a particular Vorta by the name of Weyoun.

Weyoun 1 x Jem’Hadar OC

Entries 1-5 | Entry 6 | Interlude | Entry 7 | Audio File Review

First’s log, personal. Stardate 01.651.7.

It is not my place to question the will of the Founders in any capacity. But I have found myself irritated lately at every turn due to this most recent change. Each rotation of our crew seems to be ordered just as we had begun to develop the efficiency of a cohesive unit. It seems every other week I am staring into a room full of unfamiliar faces. How am I to maintain trust and respect within my unit – loyalty among my men – if they are perpetually strangers among the ship? Moreover, how am I to develop an understanding of how best to serve my field supervisor if I am given no time to establish a working relationship with them before I am whisked away to another assignment?

It has been an acceptable-enough series of reviews from each supervisor so far – I would not be First if they did not recognize my ambition – but I am not given enough time to develop to the best of my abilities. I do not think this current system is conducive to allowing me to serve my Founders adequately. But there is no channel for me to voice these thoughts; it is the will of the Founders and so it is done. I will endeavor to do my best regardless of the circumstances.

 --

First’s log, personal. Stardate 01.653.4.

Field Supervisor Keevan, to my great relief, was promoted to Sixth Fleet Overseer and so we were reassigned once more. It is jarring to be shuffled around so much, but I am happy to be free of that ship. I and my new unit have been placed under the command of a Vorta named Weyoun.

Over the course of my five years of life I have known many Vorta. They do not differ very much from one another. They display cunning, pettiness, manipulation. Their dealings with us are tinged with disdain and contempt. Some, like Overseer Keevan, even tend toward outright abuse.

This Vorta is very different.

He greeted my men kindly and in his voice I detected none of the usual hints of sarcasm. He has so far been patient as the crew has spent time becoming acquainted with the new ship over the past several days. He has not leveraged the White as punishment, which by this point into an assignment would usually have transpired at least twice.

I am not used to such...soft leadership. None of us are. The men don’t quite know how to respond and nor do I. But to say this is an unwelcome change would be a lie. I look forward to seeing how the situation develops.

--

First’s log, personal. Stardate 01.662.8.

My men try their best. They really do. We are all still trying to adjust to this new order of things, Vorta and Jem’Hadar alike; it will take time for the road to become smooth of obstacles. Remnants of our previous life in Jem’Hadarian society, before the Uplifting, still linger in the fringes of our species’ subconscious. We had no need to forge alliances; matters were handled simply, with action rather than with words. And when words were required, they were not tempered with tact or subtlety. But now, before the elegant, intellectual Vorta, my people appear clumsy, uncertain. They interrupt at inconvenient times. They convey rudeness and disrespect where none was intended. They respond to every conflict with violence. It is no wonder the Vorta perceive us as nothing more than feral beasts.

Weyoun does not seem to hold this opinion. It is difficult to tell exactly what opinion he holds of us, but I do not think it is negative. There is a degree of...respect in our interactions. He does not pry for details when I assure him I will see to a matter, looking for holes to poke as the other Vorta have. He has allowed me to handle all disciplinary actions and to my knowledge has not been unsatisfied by the results. He welcomes my input in combat situations and, on one occasion, even thanked me for it.

The men are appreciative as well. He is endlessly patient with their social fumblings. He has not threatened to withhold the White at any point and does not treat the ritual as a burden. I have made it clear to my crew that we are to reciprocate this respect by striving to improve ourselves and our conduct as much as possible. For their part, they have shown progress. I caught two of them yesterday practicing conversational skills. This morning I overheard my Fourth advising the Fifth on techniques he utilizes to quell his anger in inappropriate situations. I have every confidence my people can grow to become something more than the dogs at the Vorta’s heel; if only there existed more supervisors like Weyoun to encourage this development to foster.

--

First’s log, personal. Stardate 01.670.1.

I have been steeling myself for some time for another reassignment, but our orders have not changed since we boarded this vessel. This afternoon, while discussing tactics with Supervisor Weyoun, I made an offhand comment about the matter – another small luxury afforded by the supervisor’s lenient attitude – and he responded with nonchalance that he had personally requested he be allowed to keep his current crew, at least until the next rotation cycle. I wished to know his reasons for doing so, but out of fear of impoliteness I did not press the matter. Still, I remain curious. Perhaps it is related in some way to the recent change in his mannerisms; I have noticed his smiling growing more frequent as well as a tendency to hold eye contact with me for lengthier periods of time. Perhaps he is simply becoming comfortable with my company.

--

First’s log, personal. Stardate 01.673.9.

My men and I underwent an exercise in patience today. Weyoun found himself engaged in animated discussion with a foreign dignitary at the usual time of the White distribution. I do not know if he had mistimed his communication or simply did not plan for it to take quite so long, but it does not matter; we needed the White. No matter how anxious my men grew, however, I did not allow them to interrupt the proceedings. After several hours the Vorta finally stepped away and I immediately made him aware of our need, which he wasted no time addressing.

However, there was an...incident.

Some malfunction caused the lockbox containing our White to fail to open. After several unsuccessful tries, Weyoun admitted with apprehension that he could not produce the White, and my Fifth lost his patience.

The Fifth has had a difficult time adjusting. More so than the others. I was unfortunate enough to serve beside him under Keevan’s command and I witnessed firsthand the injustices he’d suffered as the Vorta’s “favorite.” The experience has left him scarred and he refuses to accept that Weyoun’s kindness is genuine. He can see only snakes in the grass.

This happenstance seemed, to him, evidence to justify his mistrust. He accused the Vorta of toying with us purposely just before he lunged. I caught him easily and no harm was done – moreover I do not believe he was aiming to actually attack the supervisor. But such a display of threat was still unacceptable. I punished him by denying him today’s supply of White, since it was the cause of his unruliness. He will have to learn to deal with his emotions when they are not easily controlled.

Perhaps it was a soft punishment, but I do not feel the need to tarnish the admiration my men are beginning to develop for me with unnecessarily severe consequences. Time will tell if it is a successful tactic. I am only grateful to be able to serve on a ship that tolerates such experimental leadership methodology.

Weyoun, for his part, was sufficiently grateful for my interjection. He did not say as much but it was clear in his eyes. Times such as those remind the Vorta of their nature as prey animals, alone on a ship of predators, and though it is rare for Jem’Hadar to utilize violence against their superiors, it is not unheard of. Sometimes I pity them for this.

Weyoun was able to get the lockbox operational again and he delegated out the White. As I was leaving we had a strange interaction. He stopped me – first to ask if he could speak to me about a personal subject, a qualifier with which most would not be deigned to bother – and upon my approval, asked me to describe what it feels like to crave Ketracel White.

At first I did not know how to answer. The feeling is intrinsic to a Jem’Hadar warrior, and no other race has ever had interest in the process. I have never had need to put it into words. But I found some that I believe did the concept justice. I described to him the anxiety that fills us when we are without it. The thirst that becomes, eventually, overwhelming. The inability to focus on anything else. These things he seemed to understand. But I do not know if he truly appreciated the extent to which I emphasized the sensation of a hit of White. How it rushes one’s veins – fills one with warmth, with clarity, with life. There is no feeling like it in the world. Not even killing.

He seemed distracted as he considered my words. Then, inexplicably, he approached me and touched a hand upon my abdomen. I allowed it, but did not understand the gesture, and when I asked for clarification upon its significance he withdrew, apologized, and dismissed me.

I do not understand Weyoun in the slightest. I wonder if perhaps he is abnormal in some way. But I am finding more every day that my curiosity outweighs my apprehension. I am eager to see how these events will continue to unfold.

--

[chrisbbaegopayo]

Hold Your Breath (Stray Kids: Stalker AU) ➻ Chapter 3 (part 1)

....

Genre: Thriller, Angst, Gore, Mystery, Suspense Characters: All of Stray Kids, reader, OCs. Word Count: 1.2k Warning: This story will contain elements of gore, on- and off-screen abuse, torture, mental illness, and stalking. It will feature themes that are not suitable for all ages, readers discretion is advised. Each chapter will have its own specific warning.

Sorry for the short post. I’ve managed to hit a very bad case of writer’s block, as well as other things, more on that below. (updates will now be once every two weeks)

Chapters: Premise | 01 Prologue | 02 Chapter one | 03 Chapter two | Chapter three (part 1) | Chapter three (part 2)

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

She and Hyunjin ended up getting along really well in class, as they introduced themselves in the timeframe that the professor had given them. She learned that he had been here to earn himself a bachelor’s degree in literature, much like his parents wanted. He had been a pretty hardworking student and liked to participate in extra-curricular activities, although he didn’t really elaborate on which clubs he had joined since attending the university.

It had come to a surprise, then, that he knew who she was. It was kind of strange for her to introduce herself to someone who had already know of her—he did say that he knew of her and knew who she was, but never made an attempt to say anything to her, which, to her, was understandable. University could be somewhat of an intimidating place. And Hyunjin, who kept to himself during classes unless he was asked to participate in group work or class discussions, was naturally relatively inside his head. 

He had a small circle of friends, she learned, of which he had dropped after coming to this university. He told her that he stayed in touch with most of them through social media and that he had missed them. 

They didn’t manage to get too deep into their conversation, although he did tell her that he was in a few of her classes back in first and second year, and much of the reason of keeping to himself most of the time didn’t say anything to her, as they were practically strangers.

Professor Lee stopped the discussion then and then began his first lecture. Much of it had to do with what goals to set at the beginning of the semester, what they would be covering throughout the semester, as well as the many assignments they were expected to do and their due dates that accompanied these assignments. Much to her displeasure, every week, there would be a test that summarized the terms they learned the week before, just to keep them on their toes, apparently. This was probably the most for her, as her memorization skills weren’t the best…

…this would also mean that she would have to do a lot of reading. And note-taking. As much as she enjoyed reading, the mind-numbing technical terms might just defeat her.

However, the silver lining was that there would be some hands-on case studies and there might be field trips planned in the course, although the professor did not specifically say if they were definitely included. As for these field trips, they were still in the process of negotiating some plan, of which professor Lee did not specify.

They also had to write two essays throughout the semester. Great.

As the professor started lecturing, he covered what the meaning of crime was, what each term meant, and how it integrated into society on a very base level. As for the rest of the two-hour lecture, Professor Lee merely just taught through most of the time with interesting examples and various experiences that he had encountered. He made things interesting, and the majority of the class was completely engrossed. The mid-lecture break had gone by and soon, had buzzed by without much of a fuss. 

“All right, remember, class, make sure to read up on chapter 2, pages 60 through to 90! You will be expected to go through it with your teaching assistant in your tutorial later,” Professor Lee said. “Feel free to visit during my office hours should you have any questions or problems regarding class! See you next week!”

She placed her notebook in her bag and looked over at Hyunjin, who looked rather pleased with the class. “Tutorial, huh?”

He nodded and leaned back against his chair. “Yeah, it should be exciting. At least the professor was interesting, hopefully, the teacher assistant will be just as interesting. When do you have yours?”

She pulled up her schedule, and scanned it, trying to figure out which day she had her tutorial. Turned out that she had her tutorial at 11:30 a.m. in two days with a person named F. Lee. And upon showing it to Hyunjin, she was surprised to learn that he also shared the same tutorial. It seemed like a pretty pleasant surprise, she thought. To be in the same class and tutorial—it was as though something was being conveyed to her through this strange arrangement. Or not. It just seemed like a pretty interesting coincidence. 

But life didn’t have coincidences, did they? 

Regardless, the two left the lecture room and went their separate ways after swapping numbers. 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

She had never been so glad to be home. After that stalker fiasco earlier on in the day, she was ready to retire to bed. However, she cracked open the textbook she was required to read for the class and sat at her desk, trying to make some from sense from the lectures. She got a few paragraphs into the reading when her phone buzzed with a text message.

>> Hey I’ve got food Open up OMG bless thank you <<

Jisung seemed to know exactly when was hungry because her stomach grumbled a bit. She went downstairs, and as soon as she got to the door, the doorbell rang, and she opened the door, letting her best friend in.

“You always come at the best time, ever,” she said, ushering him into the house. “I don’t know what I’d do without you. Seriously.”

He laughed. “That’s why I’m your best friend, right?”

The two of them ate and chatted about their day and by the time they finished their food, Jisung had gotten up to toss the containers into the recycling bin. 

She stared at her phone for the time being and sighed. She should go back to reading, but she really didn’t want to do any reading that night. It seemed like a great time to just lay back and chill for a little longer until it was time for her to go to bed.

It was still relatively early in the evening—or late afternoon, and perhaps she could just put her feet up and catch up later on.

But then her mind wandered off to the letter she got—it was unsettling.

“Jisung?” 

He made a noise of acknowledgment, while still staring at his phone. 

“I got another letter.”

His fingers that were once tapping away, seemingly mid-text stopped. He placed his phone down and faced her. “What did it say?”

“It was...something like ‘a new semester will start new things’ or something...and then something about more gifts to come,” she recalled.

Something about Jisung’s expression worried her. 

“Did you file the complaint to the school like I said?” He asked.

She shook her head, but then upon seeing his concerned expression deepen, she held up her hands and reassured him that she was going to file it in the upcoming days.

“I haven’t exactly had time, you know, I promise I will—I’ll even let you know! I promise!” 

He sighed, and with a heavy tone, he said, “fine, as long as you know.”

She was about to say something when he leaned over and put his hand atop her head, almost in a maternal gesture.

“I’m just really worried about you, you know? These are just some precautions that you have to take, okay?” 

She nodded. “Yeah, thank you, Jisung, you’re always looking out for me...”

He chuckled, “that’s what I’m here for, remember?”

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Sorry about the lack of updates lately. I’ve managed to land myself in a really deep ditch called writer’s block, and it’s honestly really draining to write when my motivation is zero most of the time. Sorry, it’s been pretty hard most of the time, especially balancing both work and creative writing at the same time. I do writing for my day job too, and every day I’ve pretty much felt like I’ve exhausted most of my writing into work, and the creative juices are NOT flowing into what should belong to creative writing. Hashtag excuses lol.

However, I did find a good way to keep my motivation up—the story is planned out, I know what’s going to happen in the bigger picture, but the details aren’t exactly set. Sometimes if I see an opportunity to implement new ideas, I will, such as relationships between certain characters and their history and such. I do have several pages of notes of the character’s relationships and backstories.

I will be publishing their backstories starting with Hyunjin, and I think it will make for interesting future plot segments. 

As well, I will be changing the updates to every two weeks until I can get out of this really bad writer’s block. 

Whether or not people like to read it or not, I’ll just keep on writing anyway because I genuinely do love creative writing. As well, I have been planning this story for wayyyy too long and even though my execution of the story might be slow and not what my mind wants me to write, I think I want to continue regardless. I’m just really grateful for the readers that I do have, and appreciate the time you invest in my story. Please feel free to poke me/talk to me about the story and let me know what you think of it. I know I haven’t advanced enough into the story for people have a true understanding or grasp of it, but I will be publishing the character’s relationships with each other and how they’re all connected. Because they are.

If I have any jumping tense problem—I’m sorry, I do try my best to catch them while writing, and I will improve and do my best not to disappoint too much.

Thank you! c:

[juni-ravenhall]

writings about juni as an oc

30 questions about Juni (with unnecessarily long answers), from this SSO OC asks posts except i just filled it all out in one go. i want to try developing her into a more detailed character just for fun so this seemed like the best way to start! i hadn’t decided anything about her besides “non-binary and pan” until starting to fill this out hahah, i just tapped into my jorvegian feels and went along with what felt right.

this is already stated on my “about” page but, to be clear, Juni is some kinda persona/OC thingy and not “me”, while having some traits and details inspired by my real self. (you can definitely get to know about me by reading this, but, it’s not me me.)

BASIC CHARACTER INFO (remember her details are not mine!) Name: Juni Ravenhall Age: around 18-20 i guess, don’t wanna make her too old to fit with the other characters in the story. Gender: non-binary / genderfluid?, but more or less OK with her female body, and she’s fine with any pronouns. Sexuality: panromantic pansexual.

1. What is their home stable in-game? Why?

South Hoof Peninsula (headcanon:ing that there is a home stable there, obviously) because it’s her home. While travelling she makes use of stables and accomodations anywhere, so some people know her in the places she stays over a lot (Valedale, Moorland, others).

2. Where do they actually live in Jorvik?

Her home is on South Hoof, although she doesn’t stay there for long periods of time anymore with all the travelling and adventures going on. She was born in Valedale, but was taken to South Hoof as a small child. (My headcanon is that there’s a few more people living on the peninsula than what’s shown in-game.) It’s worth noting she’s an orphan (or is she...?! *dun dun dun*) so she grew up without a biological family. (btw, that’s not just to be dramatic... I’m from an abusive home and parents mean nothing to me, so I wouldn’t be able to relate to her as much if I gave her some kind of normal, caring parents, I don’t know that stuff. I’d much rather she has no parents / doesn’t know her parents, than that she has to grow up with awful ones.)

3. Who is their favorite NPC?

Hmm, I would make up some OCs for her proper personal story, but out of the NPCs that exist..... (these are not all my favourites, just some of them that I think works well for her story.) - She knows everyone at South Hoof to some degree since she grew up there, I think she’s especially close with Jonas as a parent-figure of sorts, and of course, Madison. She helps the hermit and is on good terms with him. When Hugh moved there, she started making friends with him, I imagine they’ll get close as Juni really cares about animal rescue. - She's fairly close to Conrad, mix of mentor, friend and parent-figure. (He’s taught her more than what’s shown in canon, and she visits him anytime she’s staying in Moorland.) - She likes helping Agnetha and Björn with their garden projects so they have a friendly relation, though casual. It’s the kind of thing where she’ll stay over and help them for a few days, and at the end of the day they have cozy outdoor dinners outside the house, watching the sunset view from the cliff and smelling the roses. They probably get some great fresh food from around Silverglade. - I think she's somewhat friends with Ed at Wolf Hell Inn (or stays over and sees what crazy stuff he’s up to often enough). - She definitely likes Rania and like going out for rides with her, whether there’s a special cause or not. I forget the name of that crazy ranger girl... but she likes her and Alonso too. - She likes hanging out with Mario, and they’ll have picnics on the mountain or on top of the observatory after she’s been helping him out, watching the stars together (platonically). - She’s a wary friend of the Bobcats and Justin, like, they could be friends (since she’s at Moorland often enough) but they aren’t quite. I think she gets along with Josh (pole bending guy). - I was going to write about the soul riders and druids... but I think in my made-up headcanon, Juni's situation and role in the soul rider team would be different. I’ll have to think more about it.

4. Who is their Soul Steed? What breed are they? Do they have any markings or look different in some way from the in-game appearance you could give them?

Winterborn, a Jorvik Warmblood stallion (here’s his tag on my blog). He’s a brave and loving companion, thoughtful sometimes, a bit silly and spoiled sometimes. His bond with Juni is very strong. He probably does look a bit different in my headcanon but I’d have to draw/edit it to make a decision, so let’s leave that in the air for now...

5. What is their favorite location? (Ex, Hollow Woods, Greendale, Silverglade Manor Library) Why?

- South Hoof, as her adopted home, and because of the ancient and “wild and free” energy it has. She feels relaxed and at home there, and somehow connected to the magic of the land (even before she learns about magic). - Valedale and the surrounding areas like Hollow Woods, where she feels a nagging sense of nostalgia and belonging, a tingling mysterious feeling (similar but not the same as what she feels on South Hoof). She loves the flowers, buildings and nature there. - Moorland Forge, for Conrad. - Agnetha and Björn’s gardens. - Wolf Hell Inn, she likes it there and (as mentioned) she likes seeing what weird stuff Ed is up to. - Dino Valley, she loves the winter, the solitude, and the challenge of survival (she’s an adventurer after all). - Crescent Moon Village, just for how cozy it is, and the Mirror Marshes, for its beauty. There’s a lot of spots around New Hillcrest and Epona she likes in general too. - Goldenhills Valley, she loves the autumn colours and the ruins, and takes an interest in the witchcraft that she sees, starting to wonder what’s good and bad magic. - Cape West, a cute little village to visit now and then. - Jarlaheim, as a place to hang out and shop / rest, after a day of helping out with farm chores around the area. - Greendale, where it seems like faeries might pop out if you’re quiet enough. - Ydris’ circus, because she can’t help but get curious about it. (I love circus / fairground aesthetics personally... I’m one of those people who’s always loved clowns and everyone else is like “what?! clowns are creepy man!”) - Mistfall and Firgrove are places she likes both for the nature and buildings, but she doesn’t tend to stay there long. - The Observatory, and other spots high up with great views, like the shortcut between Firgrove and Valedale, and the secret path up the mountain in Firgrove, too. - Aideen’s Plaza in Jorvik City, a cozy and fun place when you need a break from the countryside, especially if there’s an event / festival / market going on. - Pandoria? -- there’s certainly something about it...

6. Who’s their favorite horse? Why?

I’m going to say Juni doesn’t own any other horse than Winterborn, at least at this time. (Obviously I have lots in-game but for this OC story it doesn’t really make sense, so let’s say the rest aren’t canon, haha. Maybe they’re horses she’ll own later in life.)

7. What are their powers? Are they stronger with one Circle over any of the others?

Hmm... I dunno, I have to think more about this one. I probably want to draw some pictures to figure out more about her relation to magic and Pandoria and all that.

8. What’s their usual style? Any favorite tack sets or color themes for them?

She likes all colours and likes putting together new outfits and tack sets of various styles, but some particular favourite colours are red and purple, and overall her style tends to be bold and graphic rather than soft or gentle. She can do soft and gentle too though, when she feels like it!

9. Thoughts about Jorvik City? How do they feel about Rania’s petition for a horse-friendly Jorvik City?

She likes it there (especially Aideen’s Plaza as mentioned), but definitely thinks that there’s such a thing as “too much city” and has to retreat to nature after some time there. A horse-friendly city would be nice, as Winterborn would probably really enjoy getting spoiled with treats at the Plaza on a warm evening, getting petted by nice strangers.

10. Thoughts about Justin? (I’m sorry, I’m curious, he shows up so much)

She pities him in a kind way, thinks he’s sensitive and immature. She wouldn’t mind being friends with him once he starts growing as a person. She also likes lasagna, so they could organise a lasagna party together with the Bobcats sometime.

11. How do they feel about the magical horse race at the circus? Did they enjoy being a horse?

While she doesn’t like how Ydris treats people, she thought it was really interesting and insane, and had a lot of thoughts about what magic is / what magic can do after starting to come into contact with all its different types (Pi, Ydris, the soul riders and druids, etc etc). Maybe being able to turn into a horse at will and gallop around with Winterborn would be really cool!

12. Do they trust the Druids? Or how do they feel about them?

Once she starts getting to know about them, she trusts them as soon as she knows Conrad is involved with them, because she trusts him. Of course she doesn’t trust them 100%, due to all the weird stuff that goes on, but she trusts that they have good intentions even if it doesn’t always come out right, or maybe the right people aren’t in charge.

13. Least favorite NPC?

That’s a tough one... let’s just say she doesn’t like when people use or abuse others. However, she believes that anyone can change and become a better person, it’s just exceptionally hard for some people (and nobody is entitled to forgiveness). (Honestly it’s just difficult because I’m an open-minded person and I appreciate villainous *fictional* characters for their roles in a story, just as well as I appreciate the heroes and background characters. I don’t see a point in being pissy about fictional villains, they’re just part of a story, and in fiction everyone has a chance at bettering themselves. Plus, the victims of their actions are all fictional... nobody really got hurt. I wouldn’t think IRL people like Tr*mp is going to change for the better, plus even if he did he’s caused a lot of people a lot of harm, so IRL is another thing. but I can accept any character’s change and redemption in fiction because... it’s fiction, a fantasy.)

14. How do they make their money?

Before travelling she made them by doing odd jobs around South Hoof, now she does odd jobs around Jorvik. Often she’ll take a trade and do work for food and someplace to stay for the night instead of getting paid. She sells things she’s found and things she’s made now and then (having some skills in crafts).

15. How many horses do they own?

Same answer as before, as an OC she only owns Winterborn (right now).

16. How many pets do they have? What kind? What are their names?

I don’t think I want her to have any at this time, I might change my mind later. She loves the farm animals and the wild horses on South Hoof, of course, and helps take care of other people’s pets when needed. (I love my baby seal in the game though.)

17. How do they feel about the Soul Riders? Do they trust them? Feel like an outsider? Are they closer to some over the others?

I’ll have to decide on her role in the story and relating to the soul riders before I can answer that, so I’ll leave that for now. I don’t think she’s very close with any of them, if anything it’d be a somewhat good relation with Linda and Alex, I think.

18. Do they believe something mystical, magical, or otherwise strange really exists in Dino Valley? How did they feel about the leaving of the Kallter and the roar/scream/screech in the Valley?

There’s absolutely something strange about it, and her heart beats at the idea of more adventures there. The Kallters must have had a reason to leave.

19. Thoughts about Jorvik Wild Horses?

I think for headcanon OC story purposes, Jorvik Wild Horses and Starbreeds are probably the same thing? Just like, I’d go with that there’s a one type of magic horses with Jorvegian magic (or Pandorian) flowing through them, but then they can look different from each other. In the headcanon there wouldn’t be random Jorvik Wilds running around or anything, it’d be super special rare stuff like the Starbreeds are.

20. Do you think they are a Wild Whisperer? Or are they just bonded with their Soul Steed?

I’m not sure, leaning towards that she’s mostly just bonded with Winterborn. Maybe she has some level of whispering abilities but it’s definitely not one of her strongest skills.

21. What’s their favorite Jorvegian holiday or celebration?

All holidays, any excuse to celebrate, although she prefers peaceful and homely celebrations over parties or high-tempo events. Life is precious, so she celebrates every day to some degree (like I mentioned... sunset picnics, enjoying nature).

22. What do they think or feel about Pandoria? Have they or do they visit outside of the quests (using the rifts)? If they have or still do, why?

I think at the time I would place Juni’s story, she’s only starting to learn about Pandoria and is still confused and thoughtful about the different types and uses of magic. So what she’s going to think of Pandoria and what she’ll do about it would be something to figure out.

23. How has their visit(s) to Pandoria affected them? Do they have scars? Has it affected any of their life views?

See above. But also, since I want to explore Juni’s relation to magic, I’ll say I think the magic (or something else about Pandoria) might start to eat at her, and maybe she starts losing herself a bit the deeper she gets into those thoughts and the magic itself. (Hint... I think it’ll have to do with being an orphan and feeling alone and depressed.)

24. Would they ever consider working for Dark Core or believing their side?

No, I can’t imagine she would unless there was some very specific reason.

25. What or who is Garnok to them? A dark presence? A squid-like monster? A child with a ridiculously complicated jumping course (fuckin @’s Lizzy)?

I love Lizzy’s course lol, but maybe Garnok did have a hand in it... Anyway, I don’t think Juni knows anywhere near enough to have an understanding of Garnok at this point, so it’s just some vague thing the druids aren’t describing enough.

26. Do they ever go to the Disco? If they don’t, would they ever consider going? What would it take to make them go?

She goes sometimes, but she quickly gets tired of both dancing and socialising in crowds and has to wind down afterwards, maybe just sitting down at the disco balcony to look at the ocean, or heading down to the beach to lie down and rest. The evening ride back to her home on South Hoof (or to a place to stay in Moorland if the ferry stopped running) is a moment of winding-down, too.

27. Disco or Moorland Beach party?

The beach party is probably a little more chill, which suits her.

28. Are they interested in helping with archaeology or fishing?

She likes trying to do archaeology, and finds ancient (or just old) things really interesting, but she’s not necessarily the best at it. It’s something she does from time to time, or when someone asks for help. Fishing is something she’d only do when hanging out with someone else.

29. How do they feel about Igor, the waiter/manager of the Dino Valley cafe, and whom seemed interested in your horse for… “culinary reasons?”

She hopes he was joking, and appreciates his efforts in starting up the café since the Dino Valley crew is so small, and everyone needs each others’ help to survive and explore there.

30. Do they like the perpetual winter of Dino Valley or the perpetual autumn/fall of Goldenhills Valley, or is it strange to them? Do they prefer one over the other, or neither?

She likes them both, but she’s curious about what they’d look like if the seasons did change.

[mae-gi-writes]

Who Told You It Was Okay To Stop Fighting? (YoungK & OC) Oneshot

Summary: Twenty-year old Brian Kang has nowhere to run to, no one to turn to when his world collapses. He stands at a bridge, knuckles tight on the metal handrails as he thinks of what might happen if he jumps and erases his existence from his world. But a surprising encounter with a stranger changes his mind and pushes him to try again one more time, one day at a time. 

"People are so focused on what's already past and what's to come that they don't appreciate the present." 

It’s cold.

Thirteen degrees celsius, with a thirteen percent chance of slight drizzle. Clouds hang low in the sky, barely giving the moon any space to breathe. Not that it matters, becaus I feel the same way. Like the moon, I mean.

It’s suffocating and dark, a grey monotone of color that has slithered into my wounds before I got the chance to dab in some ointment.

But that’s okay because I accept my fate.

I know what’s coming for me, the ending isn’t a pretty one if that’s what you’re wondering.

The wind bites at my skin as I slowly climb my way up onto the railing, looking over the river that separates my country into two. The lights are scattered across the city like a million of stars dancing through a galaxy of possibilities that unfortunately aren’t given to me through choice.

It is not a good night. Too cold and too windy. Easy to fall off with one wrong move, one wrong step. If the coldness of the water doesn’t kill me, the impact of the fall will. I don’t know which one I prefer, to be honest. The alternatives don’t seem very appealing and I wish that I have enough courage to back out before it’s too late, to take a step back before I know what kind of mistake I’m going to be doing.

But I’m a coward, and cowards always back out of things.

They like the easy way out and today, this is the easy way out for me. Jumping, that is.

I want to stand up and spread my arms wide, but I don’t. Instead, I look down at the impending darkness and wonder what lies behind those murky waters. Are there monsters ready to chomp onto one of my limbs? Is there a black abyss to suck my body in only to spit it out on the other side?

God only knows.

But tonight I’ll know. Tonight,I”ll figure out the puzzle that is the unknown dark matter that is waiting for me.

I just won’t live long enough to tell the tale.

“What are you doing?”

The unfamiliar soprano almost makes me topple over to the other side. Flustered, my arms scramble for purchase before they catch onto one of the metal bars, ears ringing with alarm.

Slowly, as though I’m a deer caught by a car’s headlights, I look down and almost scream out loud at the girl leaning against the railing beside me.

Her arms are supporting her as she nestles her face onto them, gaze flitting dow to the omniscient darkness before her eyes locked onto mine.

Her brown orbs are dark and intense, intimidating.

They make me flinch.

“What are you doing?” she repeats slowly as though she’s talking to a kid, and her somehow condescending tone makes me snap.

She’s a stranger and doesn’t even know me. I let people trample all over my ego, I’ve been holding the bucket of insults full in my arms for a while and that small comment is enough to make it overflow.

“None of your business.” I say.

“Geez, no need to bitch. I was just curious.” she shrugs, unseemingly bothered by the fact that I’ve just snapped at her, “So, what’s your plan? To jump?”

She hit the right spot.

For a moment, I hold my breath and hear the bustling traffic noise that sounds a little too loud and uncomfortable for my liking. I could lie, I could say that o, I’m just here to admire the view.

But I’m tired of lying. Tired of beating myself up for others and cleaning up after their mess.

“Yes.” I look at her straight in the eye “want to help?”

She sighs before raking a hand through her hair, a gesture that girls do whenever they’re slightly frustrated about something, “See, the thing is, I was told to save you.”

“What?” I frown.

“I’m from your past and your future,” she smiles but her teeth glint with a dangerous light, “I’m your subconscious.”

“Heck no,” I’m horrified. That is definitely not something --someone-- I would conjure up by myself, “if my subconscious was human, she’d definitely not resemble you.”

But it’s then that I focus on her features. Dark hair pulled back in a ponytail, pale skin that reflects the moon’s light, thin lips that stretch wide into a smile, she definitely isn’t my type. But I have to admit that she does have her charm despite the oddity of her face.

“Fine, don’t believe me. Being your type isn’t in my job description anyway.”

I just throw her a pointed look that shows I’m weirded out.

“Anyway, don’t jump.” She continues, “and I’m saying that not because I give a slight inkling of shit about you, but because I’ll lose my job if you do.”

“Are you drunk?” I ask her.  

“No.”

“Take any drugs?”

“No,” she scowls, and I can’t help but feel amused by the way her features shift her expression. She looks terrifying, “Even if I was, I wouldn’t care about a stranger standing on the edge of the railing.”

“You’re doing that now.”  

“That’s because you’re my responsibility,” the anger pulsates through her voice, “Brian Kang.”

How does she know my name?

She rolls her eyes, “Do you need more evidence?”

“Maybe.” Is she a psychopath? Maybe she just wants my money so that she can run away with it with her lover, have some kind of romantic road trip or something. Or maybe she’s just really desperate to-- “--make someone’s life better because she thinks she’s a saint.” her voice bursts through my thoughts, finishing up the sentence as though I’m saying them myself. One of her eyebrows quirk up when a smug smile makes its way onto her lips.

I stare at her, “How did--”

“--you do that?” she finishes. I glare before I say, “You don’t know--”

“--what I’ve been through and what I am. I’m not your toy nor your puppet, and you can’t just go around playing barbie doll and ken with me.” she finishes suavely as though I’ve implanted my thoughts into her brain, and that freaks me out just the slightest.

Crossing her arms and looking up at me with an expression mirroring content, she continues, “Do you want me to continue? Or is that proof enough?”

“Okay,” I try finding a comfortable position so that I can settle myself onto the railing, knuckles holding on tight to those metal bars when another gust of wind makes me shudder. But I try to ignore the icy coldness biting at every inch of exposed skin at my knuckle, and instead focus on the girl before me.

“Say you’re actually a figment of my imagination, my subconscious, whatever,” I can hear myself speaking and it’s almost as if I still don’t believe her. Up until two seconds ago, I didn’t. “What do you want from me?”

“I want to save you,” She replies instantly without missing a beat.

That causes something in my throat to clog up tight. Emotion.

I press my lips together, “You can’t.”

I thought she’d make a fuss, or scream, or shout at me until I see reason. Any other human being would grab me by the shoulders and shake me senseless until it would get ingrained in my head. But she’s not human and she’s definitely not real, therefore she can’t touch me.

But it’s nothing like that. She shifts a little, rocks from one foot to the other. And then asks the most surprising thing:

“Why?”

I blink, “Why do I want to die?”

She nods.

Because it’s an escape. Because I’m a coward and I want to get away from everything and everyone. Because in the end people just keep using me and using me like a post-it note they can just throw away. I’m useful but only for a short period of time, I’m an option when there are no options left.

And because in the end no one really cares.

In the end, I’m all alone.

I don’t say all that, but I’m pretty sure my thoughts speak louder than my words ever will. I see her expression soften into one of pure sympathy, and although I hate it when people look at me as if I’m just another poor dog on the street without any master, her eyes offer some kind of comfort and understanding, an understanding that I am an equal of everyone else and that she’s sorry to see me suffer for something that I’m not responsible of doing or saying.

In her eyes I see that she understands what it feels like to be knocked out just because you’re the weakest, kindest link in a chain.

“I’m sorry,” is what finally falls from her mouth.

I chuckle, but it’s dry, half-hearted. “Sorry for what?”

“I’m sorry that the world was so harsh and unforgiving to you, that you now look at friends like they’re a potential threat and that you think of yourself as the last option that doesn’t seem to be worth anyone’s time.”

“I’m sorry too,” my gaze is glued on the blinking city lights and the permanent black ink that is the scenery beyond me, but inside my mind is roaring and my heart is drowning with choked up emotion as I think back to all those times I’ve been let down and ditched by people, every time I’ve been stabbed in the back without so much of an apology, every time I fell for people’s malicious intentions in hopes of salvaging the thought that people can still be the best versions of themselves.

But everyone has a limit, and I think I’ve reached mine sooner than I’ve expected.

“But it doesn’t have to be that way.”

My head turns slowly. I look down at her, at the bright hope in her eyes and the way her face lights up with an expression that resembles faith. Faith in…

Me?

“You don’t have to put such high expectations on people, because that’s exactly what kills you in the end.” she continues hurriedly as though she fears I might jump at any second now, “You don’t have to put so much faith in others, nor do you have to trust anyone but yourself. But that’s kind of a saddening existence, isn’t it? To be alive only to be alone. That’s not why we live.”

Her eyes slide away from mine before she gazes out the scenery, “I’m not telling you to live a lonely life. I’m just telling you that you should be conscious of who you trust and who you decide to trust with all your heart. But that too doesn’t work sometimes. Sometimes, the ones that we trust the most are the ones that wish the worst for us. You’re going to be stabbed in the back again and again after this. Continuing to live means that you’ll suffer the consequences of pain. Human beings are cruel and will do anything to get what they want. So I know how it feels, to be the only option when people run out of them.”

And suddenly, her brown orbs are staring right into mine, deep and dark and serious. It’s a stormy wave of emotion crashing to the shore and I almost flinch back on impulse. But there’s something in her eyes that reel me in, that make me want to look even when I know I’ll probably regret it.

“But if you jump, you admit that you’re nothing, that your life is worth nothing.”

The words fail me. I want to speak but seems like I can’t.

I open my mouth only to close it again.

She continues, “What about your parents? Did they raise you right to throw this life away? What about your family? Are you going to be the problem that breaks them apart? What about the friends that genuinely care? Do you want to see them fight and take the blame for this choice of yours that you’re not even sure is the right one? Because let me tell you, it’s not the right choice. Running away wasn’t not a choice to begin with.”

“I’m not running--”

“But you are. You’re running away from a healthy life while others are struggling to live. Are you really going to sacrifice this just because you’re not strong enough to put people in their place? Are you really going to make everyone’s life a living hell just to satisfy your own wants and needs?”

Her hands suddenly enclose my own. They’re warm and tangible and here. They’re a blessing from the cold, they feel real enough for me to grip onto them with a tighter grasp. She searches my face with a desperation I haven’t seen cross anyone’s eyes yet, and another wave of emotion hits me in the gut, so hard that I have to force the tears at the back of my eyes.

“You’re here. You’re real,” she insists as her grip tightens, “Who told you it was okay to stop fighting?”

I bite my lip so hard I taste blood at the edge of my mouth.

Why is she fighting so hard to keep me alive?

“Look, let’s make a deal.” she says, “Try to live for one more day. One more, one day at a time. What do you say?”

I want to shake my head, “I can’t--”

“You can, Brian,” she says gently, “You can. You just don’t want to try.”

“I’ve tried enough!” My tone rises with frustration and anger, tears prickling the corner of my eyes, “I’ve tried again and again and again and yet it never feels like it’s enough!”

“Try,” she pleads, “try one more time. One more. Please.”

I don’t want to say yes because I don’t want to promise something I don’t believe in. But she grips my hand harder if that’s possible, and I’m obliged to look into her eyes. Brown jewels shining into my own, they’re urging me to try, giving me a strength that I’ve lost in this endless battle.

I don’t know who she is, or what she wants from me. I don’t even know if she’s real or if she’s just a passing stranger that decided to take my life into the responsibility of her own hands.

But she’s trying so hard, and something in her expression causes a surge of faith to leap in me.

It’s burning my chest but it’s not uncomfortable. On the contrary, it feels warm and cozy, just like I’ve settled on a futon next to a fireplace.

And so I say yes.

“One more time,” she repeats like a mantra, “Try one more time.”

I nod.

I’ve never seen her again, but I did try. More than once.

And started living as I should.

Author’s Note: Because YoungK is slowly killing me inside and wrecking my bias list. Have you guys listened to Day6's newest song "I Loved You"? If you haven't, you're missing out on the most important, heart wrecking song in your life. Please go and listen, it's a masterpiece T.T 

Here's another small oneshot inspired by a quote I found recently on Tumblr. People focus too much on the past and the future, only to miss out on the present. So here is the result of pondering and senseless writing in my notebook. I actually freehandwrote this before typing it out and I found that it helps me a lot more than just typing. There's something purely authentic and free about writing on paper that makes it a lot easier for my thoughts to flow. 

I hope you guys like it!<3 <3

[rxbelling-hxrald]

(@ray-cherry-blossoms) 1,4,5,6,7,8, 13,18,19,21,22,23,25 (such a long list omg sorry but I'm jus too curious )

Describe Your OC

Warning! Very long post! so under read more to avoid filling up the majority of your dashboards xD. This took so long to do but I’m pretty happy with all of this, so I welcome all to read it.

1: their voice

My current voice claim to Dan’s voice - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t0OKZS5cBMU (Talion from ME: Shadow of ‘Series’ voiced by Troy Baker)

Despite being of demon origin, his more humane side must be evident at all times, an oddly somewhat gruff but gentle shade evident that can turn cold and serious within an instant. Its not much of a singing voice.

But while his voice is rather firm, it holds a clear vulnerability that displays when he is clueless or is filled with sorrow/concern.

I believe Talion’s voice/mannerisms are a good representative of how Dan speaks, minus the Middle Earth terms.

4: their insecurities

In general Dan is an insecure wreck, he’s just a decent act at covering his true thoughts up for the most part, though even they can be seen with minor mannerisms that will be displayed,

With people, he always feels like everyone is judging him for better or worse, even the strangers he passes by in the street with no interaction given in the slightest, this is in fact why crowds make him quite paranoid over extended time amongst them. It makes Dan feel worse that due to his specific lack of interaction during his younger years it makes him crave it yet wish to avoid people and lessen the risks of doing something to upset them, by completely minimizing the chance to 0 by no interactions at all.

In other respects, Dan’s inward confidence is quite lacking, always doubting himself, why he even exists and is there any true point to his resistance? to any whom asked or saw him in action, most may think he’s a cocky shit, but to Dan, the few victories he gains is nothing when a war against countless odds is always his opposition…..why bother fighting when he has nothing else? Dan would say its his will or his strength that keeps him going, but the truth is he’s scared, relying solely on his survival instincts.

These worries and insecurities ease up greatly when he’s with a friend or someone he trusts, but this in turn leads to a brand new one surfacing in the back of his mind. Dan doesnt wish to be an annoyance to his new found friend and risk ruining it, enjoying the experience and wishing to stick with them for as long as possible, If given the chance Dan may never actually leave someone’s side, but both wishing to respect their space and his own paranoia, Dan deliberately feels its best to avoid his friends until its a given they want to see him. his heart says stay but his mind says go due to the risks he may bring upon them should he stay with one for too long.

5: their shortcomings

An obvious one though is improving with time is his mindset, or in more general terms. ‘Common Sense’. Dan usually goes by simply what he deems right or what is needed, it doesnt matter what others think or if there is a rule/law against it, if he thinks it, that’s what is happening. This can lead to a variety of outcomes be they either hilarious or dangerous.

On a similar note is his general awareness, this can be related to the likes of the immediate area around him, a world’s history, people’s names or actions, even basic tasks. Unless he’s had experience in a regard before. Dan’s most likely going to be terrible or clueless on the subject at hand. Due to the majority of his life being only revolving around fighting and on the run…it can count towards a vast majority of topics.

These things are also what causes his great deal of passive actions when accompanying others, normally doing nothing of his own accord unless instructed or advised unless its a dangerous situation, preferring otherwise to stay back and wait to see what others want him to do to avoid risks to their more likely ‘logical’ plans.

6: how they deal with grief

Initially, he does nothing, letting it build up in his mental psyche more and more.

As time passes he’ll come back to it when doing nothing and brood over all the negative thoughts, usually getting himself in a rotten mood or even more paranoid about something.

But depending on the degree of the problems, Dan’s method to dealing with grief or any sort of mental downfall is to let it out via his aggression, he’ll find something to let out all his rage and sorrow, destroying an object or objects utterly in the process on most occasions.

This stands too for someone who may try to fight him in this state, he’d likely spend hours beating them senseless to the extent they’d need to be hospitalized…..or worse.

Luckily, He’ll do this in his free time and far away from population heavy areas.

7: how they like to dress

While having no true fashion sense due to lack of any kind of ‘clothing’ back in the demon realm. Dan is pretty open towards all clothing designs and shapes.

If Dan had a variety of clothes at his disposal he’d be the sort to wear the first thing he saw in his wardrobe, regardless if the colors matched or not with the rest of what he had on.

However as some may have noticed he has particular love towards his black overcoat and has adopted a ‘gothic’ mindset towards clothes, usually featuring all black as he feels its just cool and goes well with his need to stay out of sight, though this only really plays a good part at night, in day he’ll stand out pretty openly unless hidden somewhere.

In terms of styles, Dan also has an appreciation towards fancier/refined outfits, such as tuxedos or an officer’s uniform. most likely because its the complete opposite as to what he is in Dan’s eyes, a nobody. That and they look ‘Cool’

8: what they like to eat

There is no true answer to this question as Dan will and has eaten just about anything put in front of him and found it edible in comparison to the filth he had in the demon realm.

But in his time visiting and exploring other realms, Dan has been proven to have a sweet tooth, loving almost any kind of assortment and sweets. if it has sugar, he’ll love it. He’s also big on meat, having a clear favoritism towards Beef, Chicken, Lamb.

He’s not overly picky though so he’ll eat practically everything and anything put in front of him.

13: their embarrassing memory from years ago

During his younger years he doesn’t really have an ‘embarrassing’ memory per se, since most of his life back then wasnt even ‘his’ life, being strictly made to follow training and survival as if he were possessed. He saw and remembers it all but it wasnt his own control until he was a teen, by then he knew nothing but the dark life in front of him.

18: how they sleep

Regardless of his form he always sleeps in the same respect.

He’ll curl up to himself as close as he can, usually his hands and knees tightly closed together, wrap whatever he has available around himself, be it a cover, his coat and etc, only his head will be sticking out of it in which he’ll eventually fall asleep.

During his sleep his position changes depending on how well or badly his dreams/nightmares go. If he’s getting a good rest his body will slowly loosen up and resemble to him laying on his back with his arms and legs outstretched, usually his feet sticking out from the covers since they’ll still be pulled so close.

But if its bad, he’ll toss and turn, constantly mumble to himself and tighten himself up further, usually resulting in him getting sore joints and muscles. The worse case scenario is he’ll wake up screaming or gasping for air, from there he wont bother sleeping anymore and will stay awake until his body practically forces him to sleep.

19: their reaction to betrayal

This depends on the level of betrayal and the reasoning, there is no clear cut answer so here is the best and worst case scenarios.

Best? He’ll remember it, while he will forgive, he’ll never quite trust again and will openly curse the betrayer’s name both to them and to others, it would take a long time to repair the damage.

Worst? He’ll label them as nothing more than a future target, spending his free time trying to hunt the betrayer down and chase them via whatever means possible, potentially with those whom also share a hatred or have reasons to be rid of that person. Should he catch them….they’ll be beaten to a bloody pulp, he wouldn’t kill them, but he’d openly state that once they recovered, he’d do it again so they suffered more.

21: how they react to pain

One of two ways, usually depending on the level and cause of it.

One, he’ll gasp in shock from the pain, try to do something to deal with it, fail, ignore or shrug it off and then continue with what he was doing.

Two, Immediately give into anger and start lashing out at whatever he can find that he could use to relieve himself, he’d never target a person unless they were generally bad or the person that caused the pain in the first place.

22: what they’re like on two hours of sleep

Dan would still be very alert and active with such a small amount of sleep, his time of being paranoid and keeping watch from potential dangers around him back in the demon realm made him adopt this natural trait of being resistant to lack of sleep and make the most of minimal amounts of it.

The main difference would come when he eventually did fall asleep again, most likely no one would be able to wake him up regardless of methods if he was truly exhausted. A truly deep sleep.

23: how they act when they’re sick

Very moody and irritable, he’ll frequently shoo away everyone that approaches him, even those he knows well, occasionally even brief temperament problems as he’ll suddenly hit something near him as if to try and relieve his stress.

However his own arrogance would make him believe he could deal with whatever sickness he had and go about his business as usual, so even if he had a serious illness, you’d need to literally lock him up somewhere, otherwise he’d just keep wandering out.

Dan recovers from sickness quickly, but not because he’s resistant to it, his body accelerates the ‘cleansing/healing’ process.This usually means that even the common cold will feel 10x worse to Dan than to someone else as he goes through all the worst symptoms and effects all at once. Imagine the more severe or even dangerous illnesses, Dan would pass through their effects within hours.

He has a reason for being very moody while sick, now you know.

25: why you enjoy them

This is actually very hard for me to answer, i have a few reasons while also trying to avoid the generic ‘well he’s my OC’ answer.

I truly enjoy a simple concept, the main concept of what Dan is, a concept that I’m is done better with many other characters and OCs, be it by their depths, the values/descriptions held by their muns.

Dan is a stranger, a stranger in another world, another plain of thought and understanding. logic, morals, everything you can possibly conceive…Dan’s a foreigner to it. Its like how we look at cultures and mindsets in the world today, Dan to me is kinda a representative to the idea of it happening in other settings.

At first you think, oh, so its just about seeing perspectives? or what if scenarios? kinda yes and no at the same time, because there’s one final thing to note I love about Dan.

He’s utterly stupid!

I like to imagine Dan is a child in an adult’s body. he’s trying to look strong, he’s trying to look like he knows what he’s doing, to others that see him, they may look at him as someone not to mess with, or someone that knows his goal. But the truth of it is they couldn’t be more wrong!

Dan doesnt know what he wants, he thinks he does, but he doesnt! he doesnt understand the concepts of living! Again, he thinks he does, he looks at himself as some poor soul who needs to stop a terrible evil from happening and that is all that matters. The thought of other possibilities just don’t come across his limited concepts.

But as he interacts, as he meets people, he explores their worlds, sees what there is, understands their thoughts, their lives….he slowly gets closer to understanding, that life is ever changing and there is more to it than just what he thinks there is.

And when he has these little revolutions in his thoughts, no matter how slight, no matter how common they may actually be to everyone else. I cant help but smile that as he develops himself, I’m developing with him as a writer, allowing me to be even more free with what I do with him.

Throw in the whole ordeal of him being this supposedly really powerful being that has little understanding of his own capabilities, his limited mindset, it creates a fascinating dynamic or at least to me, that the world he’s in will form what he will become in the long run…..

Its why every interaction Dan has with someone else, feels all so important to me, I’m not the best with descriptions, I’m not the best at conveying things or even using much variety in my wordplay. But those he meets with are all critical pillar stones in his development, no matter how minor or major our interactions are. Dan will remember, he will adapt and when the time comes…..what your muse did with him or against him…it’ll effect what he does in the end of things.