#but still. thinking about 5 year old baby patrick all on his own??

[gracelaurie]

My Man | (Patrick Wilson x Female Reader)

ONESHOOT. Warning : smut, unprotected sex, Reader is a mistress, Reader is younger (around 25 y.o)

➡️ masterlist

“Please calm down...” you said while calming the baby you were holding. To be honest, you actually like babies, you even dream of having a cute baby when you have a family someday. But for more than 3 months now you have been taking care of your aunt’s baby who cries very often and peed his pants, making you think twice again about having your own baby.

You replaced the pants he was wearing, and calmed him down. The baby’s eyes were big and blue, “So gorgeous.” You said in a low voice. Instantly the baby stopped crying. You grabbed the still warm bottle of milk and gave it to the baby. The baby quickly fell asleep in your arms while he was drinking his milk.

You heard the sound of the doorbell. You immediately get up from the sofa, put Vera Farmiga's baby gently in the baby box, you walked over to the door, then you open it.

“Oh, hi Y/N!” Vera said with a big smile, hugging you tightly, her husband from behind walked ahead of her to put some things away, “I’m so sorry because I left this house for 2 days, and thank you so much for take care of him while I wasn’t here. I'm really busy… I don't even sleep enough…”

“Don’t worry, I understand. You are an actress, I understand you are very busy with filming, etc. I’m the one that should be thankful, Aunt Vera… because you gave me this job when you knew that I'm literally unemployed after graduating from college.” You said as you walked with your aunt towards the living room.

Vera smiled at you, then she approached her baby, "You should have a bright future, Y/N. You can’t be a nanny for my baby forever.”

“No problem…besides, I’m happy to help you. After all, you are my only family in this city, I feel the need to help you, considering that you have been paying for my sister's school fees.” you said, sitting next to Vera.

“You’re a good kid, Y/N. You know, I have acquaintances to help you start your career, you know…” Vera said with a smile that signaled something to you.

“No, I can't...” you said softly refusing while lowering your head.

“Why not? You're still young, it's not too late if you want to have a career in acting.” Vera grabbed your shoulder, “I’m not forcing you, but I think you should think about it if you’re interested.”

“No, but thank you, aunt Vera,” you said while smiling faintly. This is not without reason, you cannot accept the job, it is very risky.

Not because you are shy or doubt your abilities. To be honest, you could do all the work, because of your enterprising nature and totality in doing a job... but you can't let yourself to be an actress.

You are Patrick Wilson’s only mistress. Yes, he is Vera's co-worker. The Conjuring universe films- which they starred, were certainly successful.

This whole affair started 5 years ago. When your aunt Vera took you to the premiere of the film Anabelle Comes Home. That’s where you first met Patrick Wilson. Of course you didn’t become his mistress at that time, but you guys have shown interest, by looking at each other. However, Patrick was reluctant to talk more closely with you considering that you were Vera's nephew, and at that time you were still around 20 years old.

A few months after that, you met him at a bar. You, who was very drunk at that time, seduced Patrick and you two had sex afterwards. You swore that you would never fuck with someone else’s husband again, even though Patrick had a big-hard cock, and he fucked you really good that night. but you still feel guilty and try not to see him again.

But fate says otherwise, you meet him again in random places. When he was exercising, you saw his shirtless body, he was sweaty and sexy. And yes for the second time, he fucked you in the warehouse where you worked part-time while you were still in college.

He inserted his hard-wet cock to your pussy, mixed with the sweat on his body. But that’s not the end of it.

Since then, Patrick bought another phone specifically to contact you. He knows that if he uses the phone he usually uses, his wife will always check and of course that won’t make your affair last for more than 4 years.

That night Vera offered to stay at her house for the night considering that it was already late. But you politely refused, because you felt uncomfortable staying overnight at your aunt’s house again.

You walked through the night carrying your tote bag and wearing a thick scarf around your neck. The distance between Vera's house and your apartment is not too far, maybe because you prefer walking rather than taking public transportation, so you don’t have a problem walking for 30 minutes.

When you arrived at your apartment and opened the door to your room, you were surprised to see who was currently in your bedroom.

You saw Patrick still wearing his formal suit, he was standing beside the bed, staring at you sharply as if he was going to devour you right there.

“I left my wife and kids at home to see you tonight. I can't sleep, I can't work professionally, I’m a mess, I keep thinking about you.”

When you were about to reply to his words, Patrick quickly walked over to you, “I hope it’s all worth it. What’s inside me is like there’s no sign of life when we haven’t met, when I haven’t fuck you so hard.”

You and Patrick haven’t seen each other for the last 2 weeks because he was busy with work and spending time with his family. But what you see is the unhappiness shown on his face.

You were everything to Patrick, apart from sex. He really loves you, now that’s the problem. You both truly love each other. It wasn’t fair to his wife, but you couldn’t do anything, you were weak towards Patrick, you felt that you would be like this forever.

You dropped your tote bag on the floor, grabbed Patrick’s face and you two kissed. Patrick removed the scarf that was around your neck, he continued to kiss you as he carried you and placed you on the soft and comfortable bed.

Patrick took off his suit and tie with a rough movement. He kissed you aggressively and intensely. You kissed Patrick while holding his chest, then he removed his lips from yours, and opened your clothes and skirt.

Patrick kissed your neck hungrily, he cupped your breasts, “I love the color,” Patrick whispered as he rubbed your lacy red bra, “but I would rather see you completely naked.” Patrick took off your bra, then your panties.

Patrick licks your nipples while inserting his big-hard cock into your vagina.

You moaned as he started to fuck you on top. This time without foreplay, he fucks you so roughly and fast. “I've been waiting for this for a long time, you know that, slut?” said Patrick in a breathless voice.

You can feel, he’s already come in your vagina, but he doesn't remove his hard-cock from your vagina at all, he’s continues to fuck you.

He grabbed both of your legs then lifted your legs up, while speeding up his movements from before.

Patrick fucked harder while you moaning out loud. He kissed your thigh where your leg was now on his shoulder, “Fuck Y/N. I can’t let you sleep until morning.”

You can feel your bed sheets starting to get wet. you screamed, “Patrick…. I was a virgin before you fucked me the first time.” you said, which somehow came out of your mouth in the middle of your climax.

“I didn't know that." Patrick said then he kissed your neck very aggressively and bit your neck.

“…and I've never fucked anyone but you." you said while groaning in pain.

“I should’ve realized that." Patrick said then the two of you come together. But Patrick come inside. This is something he has never done before to you, because he doesn’t want to get you pregnant.

But hearing that you’re a virgin who has never fucked a man other than himself, it makes Patrick release a lot of sperm inside you.

“Forgive me,” Patrick whispered in your ear, he hugged your body and kissed your cheek gently.

“It’s okay Patrick, I can take the pills,” you said, touching Patrick's hair.

“I won’t force you to do that, Y/N,” Patrick replied, he looked at your face seriously, “I know you work as Vera’s babysitter all this time, I know you don’t have the heart to do it.”

You just stay silent. Honestly, what Patrick said is true, you are a typical woman who has a motherly heart, you wouldn’t have the heart to abort your pregnancy if you have Patrick’s baby.

“Hey, it’s up to you, okay, I don't want to burden you, you’re everything to me,” said Patrick looking at your worried face, “If you want to have the baby, I'll be responsible.”

“What responsibility? You will secretly support me and my child while you are still taking care of your child and your wife?”

“No...” Patrick lowered his head, “I haven't told you, have I?”

You don’t understand what he means.

“You haven't checked the news for the past 2 weeks?”Patrick asked then you shook your head, “I divorced my wife for you. We agreed to keep the reasons for our divorce a secret from the public, even though she initially didn't agree. Child custody is in her hands, we can start our relationship from the beginning.”

You smiled at his statement, then you two kissed in the middle of the sparkling night.

You know your relationship might surprise many people, but you are ready to face it all with Patrick by your side.

He’s your man now. Yours.

[johnhardinsawyer]

Permanent Perspective

John Sawyer

Bedford Presbyterian Church

2 / 11 / 24 – Transfiguration Sunday

Psalm 27:1-4

Mark 9:2-10

“Permanent Perspective”

(Transfiguring Our Perceptions)

At this very moment – in an old stone chapel in Halberstadt, Germany – there is a pipe organ, similar to our own pipe organ, that is playing a piece of music.  The piece was written by a composer named John Cage and is called “Organ 2 / ASLP” – with “ASLP” meaning “As Slow As Possible.”  Now, this might sound crazy, but this particular performance in Halberstadt began on September 5, 2001 and it is still going.  When you have a pipe organ that is well-maintained and backup energy to run it even if the electricity cuts out, you can place small sandbags on the keys to hold them down and then go out and get a bite to eat and come back because the dissonant chord being played can last for months or years before the next chord needs to be played.  As of Monday of this past week, a new chord is being played – a chord that will last for months, if not longer, until it’s time for the next chord to be played.  The folks in Halberstadt hope to keep things going like this for about 639 years.  The piece will end in the year 2640 – a looong time from now.[1]  You know, it takes a lot of faith and hope – and a lot of perspective – to be part of something that you know will outlast you.  Even if “Organ 2 / ASLP” makes it all the way to 2640, it will one day come to an end – just like how most things will come to an end.  

I wonder, in the year 2640, if anyone will be talking about “Organ 2 / ASLP,” or whether or not Taylor Swift made it from her Tokyo concert to Las Vegas for the Superbowl, or whether or not Patrick Mahomes – the quarterback for the Chiefs – will be immortalized with a Superbowl win.  Just as an aside, this past week, there were some sports commentators and prognosticators on ESPN asking whether Patrick Mahomes would become immortal after tonight’s Superbowl – not in the sense that Patrick Mahomes will never die, but in the sense that he might always be known as one of the greatest to play the game – in the pantheon of great quarterbacks, along with Tom Brady and his baby blue eyes and chiseled chin.  

But in the year 2640, will anyone still be playing football, much less talking about it?  Or will people be riding around in their hover chairs – activating the Apple Vision Pro VR computer chips in their brains – and not paying attention to anything that we might think is important in the world right now.  And the year 2640 is only 616 years away – far longer than a TikTok video, but still a blip, a blink in the long arc of history.  There have been roughly 5,000 years of recorded history and roughly tens of thousands of years of humans being around (billions of years since the earth was formed).  Will Taylor Swift make it to the Superbowl?  I hope she does, but, in the big scheme of things, how much will it really matter? 

We can be so busy, caught up in the day-to-day concerns that are right in front of our eyes that it can be so hard to have perspective – a kind of long-term thinking and awareness.   

As people of faith who are seeking understanding, we will often wrestle with having an eternal and holy perspective in the face of all that concerns us in the here-and-now.  In the history of the church, there is this idea that God’s time and our time do not run at the same speed.  The holy and eternal kairos of God’s time requires us to have a holy and eternal perspective even though we all live in the chronos of our own time.  

In today’s story from the Gospel of Mark, we find three of Jesus’ disciples wrestling with kairos time in light of their own short-term chronos way of thinking.  Now, you should know that just about a week before today’s story, Jesus says that “The Son of Man must undergo great suffering, and be rejected by the elders, the chief priests, and the scribes, and be killed, and after three days rise again.” (Mark 8:31)

Prior to this moment, Jesus’ message, and his actions, and his very person were just so compelling that Jesus attracted crowds wherever he went.  Jesus was healing the sick, calming storms, casting out evil spirits, and feeding thousands.  But when Jesus says this thing about undergoing great suffering and dying, things change.  His bright and hopeful good news message is now tinged with a shadow of pain and death.  It would seem that Jesus had come to do more than heal and teach.  There is more to Jesus than happy miracles and following him isn’t going to be full of joy and wonder and awe all the time.  

And yet, in today’s story, the disciples catch a glimpse of wonder and awe – their perspective changes because they catch a glimpse of who Jesus truly is.  They come to see him in another light, entirely – as God’s Beloved Son.  Truth be told, some of them had thought of Jesus in this way – and even said it out loud – but now their wonderings and imaginings are confirmed.  

You heard the story, earlier.  Jesus goes up a “high mountain” (Mark 9:2) and takes three friends –Peter, James, and John – with him.  Peter, James, and John were the first disciples that Jesus called.  He has known them the longest and they have been with him through a lot, already.

The story moves quickly.  In one verse, they go up the mountain apart, by themselves, and, in the next moment, Jesus is “transfigured” before them.  In the original language, Jesus undergoes a metemorphothe – a metamorphosis or “transformation or change in form,” from one form to another.[2]  In this case, Jesus goes from looking like – well, the Jesus that Peter, James, and John just climbed the mountain with – to looking like a heavenly being.  His close become dazzling white.  Again, in the original language, Jesus becomes “exceedingly (very) radiant, shining brightly”[3]  The slightly winded, likely sweaty, just-hiked-up-a-mountain Jesus becomes an intensely bright and powerful Jesus right before their eyes.  He is transfigured from the human to the divine.

This is one of the most curious things about Jesus – something that has puzzled people for two thousand years.  How could Jesus be both human and divine, finite and infinite, in a certain set moment in time and also eternal?  How does that work, anyway?  The early church wrestled with this.  Some folks got really passionate about how it supposedly works.  Some folks still do get passionate about it.  In the end, it’s all a big mystery.  And one of the key aspects of faith in God is coming to accept a certain amount of mystery.  We can’t explain everything about God.  This takes some perspective on our part.

In the moment on that mountaintop when Peter sees Jesus in this new and Holy light, he doesn’t have much perspective, aside from living in the present moment.  Here is Jesus, shining brightly, and miraculously appearing with Moses and Elijah – two figures from the distant past.  And so Peter speaks up and says, “It is good for us to be here.”  [Duh, Peter!  Or, should we call you “Captain Obvious”?]  “Let us make three dwellings,” Peter says, “one for you, one for Moses, and one for Elijah.” (9:5)  In the original language, Peter says that these dwellings will be “tents”[4] – temporary structures.

When I was growing up, I spent a lot of time in Scouts, camping in tents.  And even though some of these tents were quite sturdy.  They were not meant to be permanent.  Nothing that you and I can see is truly permanent in the big scheme of things.  

Clearly, Peter is not thinking about this in the moment.  The Bible tells us that he and James and John are too terrified to think clearly.  Their terror is complete when a cloud overshadows them and they hear a voice saying, “This is my Son, the Beloved; listen to him!” (9:7)  And then, when the disciples look around, they see that no one is with them anymore, but only Jesus.  

In this very short story – a glimpse of the eternal lasts just a few short verses, a few moments – and then there is Jesus, who looks very much the same as the friend they climbed up the mountain with.  You should know that when this story is told in the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus tells his friends in this moment, “. . . do not be afraid.” (Matthew 17:7). But in Mark’s Gospel, there is no reassurance.  There is just the disciples trying to come to terms with what they have seen and heard. 

I am willing to guess that most of you have not seen Jesus shining brightly on a mountain or heard a loud booming voice out of a cloud that says, “Listen to Jesus!”  If you had, chances are you might be like the disciples and not say much to anyone because everyone who heard such a story might think you’re crazy.  

So, what are we to do with today’s story?  It is a curious thing – to have some sense of the enormity and holiness and power of God but to live in the here-and-now with short-term thinking and limited perspective. 

The thing that keeps me going and grabs my attention in today’s story is not necessarily the heavenly vision part of it – though this is a powerful image – but the part in which the disciples have experienced the incomprehensible and then they look around and see only Jesus, their friend and teacher, the One whom they know who has shown them a new way to live.

We might go our whole lives and never see some grand vision of who God is, apart from what we might read in the Bible or hear about in church.  And we might go our whole lives – with the dissonance of the world ringing in our ears – worried about a lot of things that don’t amount to much in the scope of the eternal.  But Jesus is still with us, planting seeds of the eternal, showing us a new way to live, all-the-while giving us glimpses of something beyond ourselves and the troubled world we know.  It is Jesus who makes every moment – no matter how small and fleeting – Holy, if we are open to seeing things this way.  

You know, it takes a lot of faith and hope – and a lot of perspective – to be part of something that you know is bigger than yourself.  We are temporary beings, concerned with temporary things, but we are loved by an eternal God who invites us into a way of seeing and hearing and living that is bigger than just us.  

There is a song called “Look Long” by The Indigo Girls, one of my favorite groups.  The song is waaaay shorter than 640 years and the lyrics are all about trying to think deeply about the eternal and our place in it.  The last verse of the song goes like this:  

Me and Marsha went walking up in northern Minnesota On a night so freezing cold the earth stood still She talked about the prophecies and the future generations And said will you keep the faith I said I will, I will, I will So we argue and we wrestle and we claim conviction But we might as well be flipping coins More would be revealed if we'd adjust the focus On the shortest distance between two points Because these aren't the best of times and they're not the worst Just like the edge of the earth is an illusion God bless our brave little hearts and our inherent limitations And our short-sighted plans and our collusion Look long, look long, look long Look long, look long, look long[5]

May God grant us the vision to look long – to change our perspective to what is permanent as we live in the present, trusting that Jesus – who lived, and suffered, and died, and rose again – is still with us in every small, but Holy, moment.  

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.  Amen.  

--------

[1] https://www.npr.org/2024/02/06/1229217832/germany-john-cage-slow-organ-2-aslsp.

[2] Walter Bauer, A Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament and Other Early Christian Literature (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1979) 511.

[3] Bauer, 768 and 473.

[4] Bauer, 754.

[5] Saliers, Emily and Ray, Amy, “Look Long,” 2022, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=576_tVWHi-Y.

[love-the-escape]

So Much (For) Stardust

Track 1 Love from the Other Side

Track 2 Heartbreak Feels So Good

Track 3 Hold Me Like a Grudge

Track 4 Fake Out

Track 5 Heaven, Iowa

Track 6 So Good Right Now

Track 7 The Pink Seashell (feat. Ethan Hawke)

Track 8 I Am My Own Muse

Track 9 Flu Game

Track 10 Baby Annihilation

Track 11 The Kintsugi Kid (Ten Years)

Track 12 What a Time to Be Alive

Track 13 So Much (For) Stardust

Alright there is no ranking here just my impressions on first day. Can already say that the fandom will be more accepting of this album over American Beauty/American Psycho, and DEFINITELY over Mania. (which is crazy Mania is amazing) We’ve got FOB returning to their guitar routes but mixed with more lowfi modern production. Patrick’s vocalization still giving its signature sound, Pete still delivering the crazy analogies and poems he decides to call lyrics.

(also want to say there is no lyric analysis because i don’t do that during the first couple days of an album, so these are what i took in on my initial listens.)

First thing to talk about is that the track titles are pretty tame for Fall Out Boy, there’s no “Our Lawyer Made Us Change The Name of This Song So We Wouldn’t Get Sued” which is classic cause its too long even for the scrolling feature to not add an … to it.

going to remove the script/speeches: The Pink Seashell is a speech performed by Ethan Hawke, which i think was inspired from a film called Reality Bites (?) either way its very dramatic and def changes the tune from like upbeat in so good right now to i am my own muse. The other speech is Baby Annihilation which for an fob fan is basically Pete Wentz deciding to give one of his mini rants that’s kind of circular but also very sincere, but where that sincerity feels very daggered. It doesn’t really fill the same role of pink seashell but it does turn the mood from the climax to the ending of the album.

now left with 11 tracks.

the three lead songs were the 2 pre - released tracks and then Hold Me Like A Grudge is the first single from the album. these are classic fob opening songs, very anthemy and the fans will be belting along with patrick at the tour.

once we hit Fake Out the mood has become that kind of upbeat that is masking the pain of the lyrics. Heaven, Iowa has patrick utilizing the vocalization he starts in AB/AP.

I Am My Own Muse has fob with the anger and just really transports me to Infinity on High pat. ugh so good. flu game ends with that kind of old ticker drum which just screams nostalgia to me.

by the time we get to The Kintsugi Kid, we’re on the come down. fob albums always hit a climax and then either end by melancholy remembrance, upbeat unrealism, or strangled anger. In What a time to be alive Pete is still illustrating his obsession with pop culture. You will be able to place this album in time in 10 yrs because of his references. If the album end with “What a Time to be Alive” it would end on upbeat unrealism, with a tongue in cheek kind of nod to the present and could of been past. However, Pete Wentz is nothing if not a emo kid at heart.

So Much (For) Stardust, an ending that i always love is when artists tie it all together with a closing that calls back to previous tracks. This album isn’t a concept album, but i would say its thematic. This song def ends the album on the strangled anger vibes, the song starts and you think its going to end on melancholy but the bridge turns from cries to yells. And it just fits ya know? For an album made because of quarantine it just gets it.

number of songs I cried at: 3 (heaven, iowa; i am my own muse; so much (for) stardust) can’t explain it lol

album rating: 10/10, currently probs ranks in my top 4 fob albums

i don’t really post in here, but today was a big day in music for me? like jimin released his debut and fob released their first album since mania. so i want to share my thoughts even if no one reads them.

so if you read this enjoy!

[sunbentsky-archived]

Re-read some chapters looking for more information on Patrick’s background and found some juicy bits, so here’s a rough timeline: 

born in 1832 in Galway, Ireland to a poor family

his parents passed away from typhus when he was 5 years old

they were both taken to a hospital in Castlebar, leaving Patrick on his own

it was the surgeon who treated his mother who recalled she’d told him about her son and went back to Galway to take Patrick with him

presumably, he lived in Castlebar for a couple of years

he recalls a great deal of turf-cutting as a boy

goes on to study medicine at Queen's College in Belfast

his mentor passes away leaving Patrick with nothing

at some point, he’s not able to afford his lectures or lodgings in Belfast and enrolls in the British Army

it’s not specified when or what his exact history is, so I’ll have to headcanon that eventually

he was part of the 61st Regiment of Foot while they were stationed in India

recalls being in Lucknow and Firozpur at some point

he was there during the Siege of Delhi, more specifically somewhere close to Kashmiri Gate

long story short, Patrick and three other men are sent into the city to retrieve a buried chest of jewelry by the staff surgeon. Patrick is shot and the musket ball shatters his shinbone, while the others are killed.

eventually, he is found and saved but he has to explain why he was away from his post. Of course, the staff surgeon would never admit he gave Patrick and the others the order, especially since he didn’t bring anything back

as he was an influential man and older and more experienced, the staff surgeon’s word weighted more than Patrick’s, who was discharged in the court-martial proceedings that followed 

he heals from his injury but is left with a limp, disgraced, and scrambling to make do after he returns to London

in 1859, he signs up as the ship's surgeon on the Volunteer, a whaling ship, and sails for the Arctic from Hull

[prettyboyjackhughes]

-Little Crosby- |D. Cozens| [Part 1]

It’s finally here! @workhorsefromwhitehorse24​ and I have been working on this for a while now and I can honestly say that this is probably my favorite thing we’ve collaborated on! This was a little outside my comfort zone but I enjoyed writing it so much! Hope you enjoy! Let us know what you think!!

“Ava Grace I’m home!” Dad calls from downstairs. I sit up and grab my sweatshirt off of the floor. 

“Coming!” I say as I pull it over my head and run out into the hall. I attempt to make it down the stairs without dying but almost fail as I get to the bottom step. “Whoops! Sorry!” I yell as I knock one of the pictures off the wall. He stands in the kitchen doorway and watches me, amused, as I fix the picture then turn to face him, a grin on my face. He had been gone for 2 weeks on a 5 game road trip, resulting in the Penguins going 4-1. Dad scored a pair of goals in the first two games. But sadly, it wasn’t enough of a push to get them to the playoffs. 

“Hi Daddy!” I say, running to hug him. He lifts me off the ground and kisses the top of my head. Dad and I have always been super close. It’s been just him and I for years. Ever since I was born, it’s just been Dad and I. Grandma and Grandpa were always in the picture too, along with Aunt Taylor. The 4 of them have been my entire world and my family for the past 17 years. My mom has never been in the picture since she and Dad had me when they were super young, before Dad was in the NHL. Dad had moved from Nova Scotia by himself when he was 15, down to Faribault, Minnesota. Mom and Dad met within his first week of school. Dad tells me I look just like her but from what I can tell, the older I get, the more I look like Dad. But basically one thing turned to another, Dad had his first taste of freedom, being away from his parents and all, and 9 months later, I was born. As soon as Grandma and Grandpa found out, they moved Taylor and everything else down to be with my dad and help out with me. But one Saturday, Mom dropped me off with Dad and told him she had decided she wanted more than raising a baby and my dad so she left me with Dad and left. I’ve never heard from her, except for one birthday card when I turned 6. Grandma and Grandpa raised me alongside Taylor until Dad’s first season in the NHL. That’s when he moved me to Pittsburgh with him. I mean, before he was in the NHL, he made sure that he was a part of my life and made sure I knew that I was his little girl. But it hasn’t really been that big of a deal that Mom hasn’t been in the picture since I’ve had Dad, Grandma and Grandpa, and Aunt Taylor, plus all of Dad’s teammates through the years. It’s been a ride, having a dad like I do. I mean, he’s pretty much the face of the NHL and one of the greatest players to ever play hockey, being Sidney Crosby and all. Everywhere we go, he gets recognized so it was always hard for him to come to my things as I was growing up. But he always made sure that someone was there for me, whether it was one of my grandparents or Aunt Taylor. But even through all of that, my dad is my best friend. I’ve never needed anyone else. 

“I missed you so much!” He says, setting me down and looking at me. I smile and nod.

“I missed you too! Nice set of goals by the way. Sorry about the playoffs...” I say, smiling as he walks into the kitchen. He shrugs as I follow him into the kitchen and sit down at the table, watching him wander around the kitchen, making one of his shakes he always drinks.

“It was a long two weeks for sure, but I’m glad I have you to come home too.” I nod and smile.

“Oh Sweetheart, before I forget, we’re going up to Toronto next weekend for the Leafs’ first playoff game, for your birthday. We’ll spend two weeks up in Toronto.” The Penguins missed out on the playoffs, ending their season early. But my Leafs made it to the first round of the playoffs. He smiles as my face lights up. The Toronto Maple Leafs are my favorite team. As disappointed as Dad was in me when he found out, he still supports it, just happy that I like hockey. My favorite player is Mitch Marner, which is a player Dad approves of. He raised me on the ice, around his team and made sure I loved hockey as much as he does. I played for 6 years but I decided I liked watching hockey better than playing. 

“Really? We are?” I say, giddy. 

“Yep, I think Tanger and Geno are going to come with us. I invited Taylor too, figured we could make a whole vacation of the trip. We can go out to dinner, shopping, all the fun, girly stuff you love. Oh and there’s a surprise flying out to see you too.” Kris Letang and Evgeni Malkin are Dad’s alternate captains and my honorary uncles. Up until about 4 years ago, I had 3 honorary uncles. Marc-André Fleury, the Penguins' goalie and now the Vegas Golden Knights’ goalie was the third. He and Dad are still close which means he still claims the third honorary uncle spot. When he got married in 2012, I was the flower girl. I’ve actually been in all 3 of my “uncle’s” weddings. They’ve been a huge part of my life since I was little, even when Dad was trying to keep me out of the spotlight.  I smile, pushing my hair out of my face. I think the thing that everyone always finds so interesting about Dad and I, is that he did such a good job keeping me out of the spotlight up until I was old enough to understand what was going on. But as soon as I started going to events with him, everyone knew I was his daughter. I mean, I look and act like a female version of Dad so it makes perfect sense that I’m his daughter.

“Ava girl, do you want to see if one of your friends wants to come with us? Might be a little boring to spend your birthday weekend with a bunch of old people.” Dad says, finally sitting down with his gross shake. I nod and laugh, thinking of who I could invite. I go to Shady Side Academy in downtown Pittsburgh, which is a big, fancy private school. There’s a little over 1,100 kids that go to my school, but only about 70 of them are in my grade. 

“Oh, I’ll invite Carter. Let me text her and see if she can go.” Carter James has been my best friend since 2nd grade. She’s my total opposite and somehow, it works. 

“Okay Honey. I’m going to go lay down for a little bit. Our flight left pretty early this morning so I’m pretty tired. Go ahead and order something for dinner. Anything but pizza please.” I pout a little, my bottom lip jutting out. He smiles and drops a kiss on the top of my head as he walks out of the kitchen and up the stairs. I walk out to the living room and flop on the couch, getting on my phone to watch Tik Tok for a while. Suddenly, the door to the house flies open and my Aunt Taylor waltzes in.

“Hello my absolute favorite niece in the entire world!” She calls, dumping her purse and everything in her hands onto the bench by the door. Grandma decorated the entire house. Dad was going to hire a decorator but Grandma insisted and somehow, Dad ended up liking what she did with the place. 

“I’m your only niece so I hope I’m your favorite. But hey Aunt Tay. What’s up?” I asked, sitting up.

“Nothing much. Just came home to drive my big brother crazy and talk about your birthday trip with you. How excited are you? Hey wait, isn’t it your 18th birthday?” I smile and nod again. Aunt Tay is a little scatterbrained and once forgot how old I was turning and bought me a 13th birthday card. I was turning 11. But of course, she always means well and loves me a ton. 

“Carter is coming with us. Do you know what the surprise is? Dad just told me there is one but didn’t say anything else.” Taylor grins as she nods.

“I’m not telling you but just know this, you’re gonna be really really excited.” She says, sitting down on the couch by my feet. 

“So how’s things at school? Still thinking about going to UPenn?” She asks, tapping her thumb against my knee. I sigh.

“Ugh I don’t know anymore. I fell in love with UPenn when I visited there with Grandma last fall but I don’t know if I want to be that far away from everyone. I mean, it’s only 4 hours but going from how things are now to that? That’s a lot to process.” She nods, watching me. 

“Well Honey, you know your dad would make sure you had a car on campus and everything. So you can always come back home and visit. But I mean, it’s been you and your dad since you were a baby. Maybe it’s time to go out on your own a little?” I cringe a little at the thought.

“I don’t wanna leave!” I say, falling into Taylor’s lap and drawing out the end of the word. She laughs and smooths my hair down. 

“We’ll figure something out. You’ve still got time, Ava Grace.” She says and somehow, those words make all the anxiety I have about college and everything else coming up in my future fade to a dull roar instead of the screams it has been for the past couple weeks. I’ve always been able to talk to Dad about anything which is why he and I have such a good relationship now. But the one thing I haven’t been able to talk to him about is college. Dad went straight from high school into the NHL. He always claims to understand but I’m pretty sure it just confuses him sometimes. 

“Okay you two, it’s very hard to sleep when all I can hear is laughing and carrying on.” Dad says, coming back downstairs. 

“Yeah yeah, keep it down, Patrick.” Taylor says, looking up at Dad. Dad hates being called by his middle name which is why Taylor calls him that. He rolls his eyes and bats her hand away as she reaches up to poke him. When the two of them are together, Grandma always says they act like they did when they were little. 

“Have you girls figured out everything for us leaving on Thursday? Ava, is Carter going with us?” I grab my phone off the arm of the couch and turn it on, quickly reading the notifications on the screen.

“Yeah she’s going. And she’s gonna be here in 3, 2, 1!” I count down as the door bursts open again. Carter and my Aunt Taylor are two peas in a pod. They’re practically the same person which is why I love them both so much.

 “Hello Crosby family!” She shouts, sliding across the floor and landing on top of me.

“Oh this is going to be a long two weeks.” Dad says, laughing and rubbing his forehead. 

“So we’re going to Toronto for your 18th birthday? And to see the love of your life? Hell yeah this is going to be a great trip.” Carter says, looking up at me. 

“Okay, Carter James, slow down please.” I say, patting her head. 

“Wait, isn’t the legal drinking age in Canada, 18?” Carter asks, sitting up and looking at Dad.

“Oh my God Sidney Patrick. You’re taking your daughter to Canada to drink for her 18th birthday?” Taylor says, looking over at Dad with a smirk on her face. 

“Taylor Jane, you’d better cut it out or you’re not going anymore.” He says, shaking his finger at her. Carter and I laugh and Taylor rolls her eyes.

“She’s responsible enough to handle this. You two are the ones I have to worry about.” Dad says, pointing at Carter and Aunt Taylor. 

“Tanger and Geno are going too? Oh this is going to be a blast!” Taylor says, rubbing her hands together and grinning evilly. Dad’s head drops into his hands and the 3 of us burst out laughing. Carter and I spend the rest of the evening planning our trip out while Dad and Aunt Taylor watch the St. Cloud game. The week leading up to our trip to Toronto flies by, but my excitement for the game only builds. It’s not the first time I’ve been to a Leafs game, nor is it the first time I’ve gotten to watch my favorite player play. But it’s happening on my 18th birthday and that makes it even more exciting. 

Thursday morning, two days before my birthday, Carter wakes me up by bouncing on my bed. 

“We’re leaving today!” She sings, bouncing more. I roll over and groan. 

“Carter James, it’s too early!” I say, shoving her. She laughs at me and I sit up.

“Come on, we’re going to dinner with the love of your life tonight!” She says. I jump out of bed and look at her, eyes wide. I’m 100% a Mitch Marner fan girl. Carter thinks it’s hilarious but she’s the exact same way for Patrick Kane. We ran into him at the Stanley Cup Finals one year and she was speechless. 

“What are you talking about? Dinner with who?” I ask. Dad walks in and is now standing in my doorway.

“I called in a few favors and we’re going to dinner with Mitch Marner and Morgan Rielly tonight. How does that sound?” He says, as my mouth drops open.

“Oh my God thank you thank you Daddy!” I say, running over to hug him. He smiles and Carter laughs. 

“She’s gonna faint as soon as she sees him. Total freak out.” Carter says, crossing her arms and laughing. 

“I am not! I’ll be perfectly fine. It’s just another hockey player. Not like I’m in love with him or anything.” I say, pointing at her. She rolls her eyes and we both laugh.

“Where my favorite birthday girl?” I hear a deep voice call from downstairs.

“Geno, it’s too early for you to be this loud. Shut up.” I hear Taylor say.

“I take it G and Tanger just got here?” Dad calls and Taylor groans in response. 

“Alright girls get ready and we’ll leave in a little over an hour. Go down and say hi to everyone first though.” I nod and follow Dad downstairs, Carter tagging along behind me. 

“Hi Uncle Geno, Uncle Kris!” I say, running to hug both of them as they stand up from where they were sitting on the couch. Taylor is taking up the other end of the couch, facedown in a pillow. “Are you excited for your birthday trip?” Kris asks, patting my back as he hugs me.

“I’m so excited. Do you know what my surprise is? Dad still won’t tell me.” Geno laughs, still too loud for Taylor apparently because a pillow goes flying across the room and just misses his head.

“Tay, go drink some coffee please, you’re being a brat right now.” Dad says, patting her head.

“I know surprise. You like a lot.” Geno says, crossing his arms and looking down at me. I raise an eyebrow. I’ve been the victim of one of Dad’s surprises before and let’s just say he doesn’t have the best track record when it comes to surprises. 

“Is it bad that I’ve been your best friend for 12 years and I still can’t understand what he’s saying?” Carter asks, leaning over to me. I laugh and Geno looks between the two of us.

“Who you? You Ava’s best friend?” Carter rolls her eyes and nudges Geno, who laughs again and hugs her. “Alright, Little Crosby, let’s get this show on the road.” Kris says, pointing towards the stairs. I smile and rush upstairs to get dressed and grab my bags. I pick out a pair of black leggings and a peach colored Adidas sweatshirt. I change into the clothes and put my pajamas in the dirty clothes. I put on mascara quickly, finishing everything off with some lip gloss. I grab my Birkenstocks and slip them on. 

“Okay, I’m ready!” I call as I drag my bag down the stairs behind me. I again attempt not to die on my way down the stairs. But yet again, I fail.

 “Oh God, Little Crosby.” Kris says, somehow managing to catch me as I trip down the last 3 steps. 

“Your daughter is a human wrecking ball. You know that, right Sid?” Dad laughs and nods.

“I haven’t killed myself yet. So far, we’re safe.” Everyone laughs and I smile. All these people filling this house are my entire family. They’ve raised me and I wouldn’t be who I am without all of them. 

“Okay, let’s get going! Our flight leaves in 45 minutes!” Dad calls, attempting to herd us all towards the door. Taylor has finally had her coffee and returned to the world of the living. 

“Toronto here we come!” She calls as we all get out the door and into the two cars we’re taking. Dad locks the door behind us and turns to look at me.

“You excited, Ava Grace?” I nod and he hugs me to his side.“I hope this lives up to your idea of the perfect 18th birthday.” I laugh and nod again as we head to his car. 

The drive to the airport and the flight to Toronto are pretty boring but Kris and Taylor keep everyone entertained the whole trip. Carter finally crashed after the Red Bulls she had while we were waiting for our flight to get called in the airport, leaving me to my own thoughts pretty much the entire flight. When we land in Toronto, everyone is pretty excited for the next two weeks. 

“Little Crosby surprise time!” Geno calls from the back of our group.

“Geno, we’re still in an airport. Keep it down a little please?” Carter says, patting his arm. Dad scoffs and looks between me and Carter.

“He’s right though, your surprise is right through those doors.” Dad says, pointing towards the exit of the airport. I see Taylor pull her phone out of her pocket and start recording me. I hand my bag to Kris and look over at Geno who motions me towards the door. I walk towards the doors, which slide open. I glanced around then back at Dad and Taylor who followed me out.   

“Little Crosby!” I hear a very familiar voice yell over the buzz of the airport.

“Oh my God! Uncle Flower!” I shout, rushing towards my uncle Marc and hugging him.

“Surprise!” Dad calls, smiling as I hug Marc.

 “So you were my surprise?” I say, stepping back and looking at him.

“Yep, I was the big wonderful surprise. Hope you weren’t too disappointed.” He says, smiling as his arm rests around my shoulders.

“I figured you’d want all of your uncles here for your big 18th birthday. So we worked it out and got him here for you.” I smile, quickly hugging Dad before returning to hug Marc again. 

“Alright well, it’s time to get heading to the hotel. We’re going to dinner at 6:30 tonight. Geno, Flower and Kris are taking Tay to something that I know nothing about. And you’re okay with Carter going with us?” I nod as Marc leads us and the rest of our group to the waiting van. 

“I’m taking a nap when we get to the hotel. You woke me up too early this morning.” I say, nudging Carter as she slides into the van next to me. 

“Sounds like a plan. The Red Bull ran out.” She says, laying her head on my shoulder. The two of us manage to fall asleep on the 20 minute drive to the hotel. Geno shakes us both awake when we get to the hotel. We sleepily wander into the hotel and wait in the lobby while Dad and Tay get everything figured out. The adults herd us all over to the elevator and into it, somehow managing to get us all to the conjoined rooms we have for the next two weeks. As soon as we make it into the rooms, Carter and I collapse onto the bed we’ll be sharing and fall asleep. 

About 2 and a half hours later, Dad comes in and wakes us up.

“Girls, we have about an hour before we have to leave for dinner. Go ahead and start getting ready.” He calls as he closes the door behind him. I sit up and stretch, the excitement building in my chest all over again.

“Okay, I think I’m gonna curl my hair and wear that frilly, layered red skirt with the white sweater and my little brown boots. What about you, Carter?” I ask, looking back at her who is still laying in bed. 

“So I have to dress nice right? I think the army green pants romper thing with my jean jacket, Vans and straight hair. Sound good?” She asks, finally sitting up. I nod and get started curling my hair. She gets started on doing her makeup while I work on my hair. Somehow, we both end up being done with plenty of time left to spare. So we do what typical teenagers do and spend the extra 15 minutes we have, on our phones. Dad comes in and the two of us follow him down to the elevator and out to the car. It’s some super nice, fancy car; just like the one that lives in our garage except on home game days. Dad lets Carter play music which automatically, I can tell, he regrets as Cotton Eye Joe plays for the third time. Carter is having the time of her life and I can’t help but laugh along with her. When we get to the restaurant, it’s one Dad and I came to, back when we came to Toronto for some charity event a few years ago.

“Alright, how excited are you?” Dad asks, as he parks the car and we climb out. I squeal a little and Carter laughs. Dad smiles, draping his arm around my shoulders as I link arms with Carter. The 3 of us waltz into the restaurant and walk up to the hostess.

“Hello, Mr. Crosby. Your two guests are already seated.” I squeeze Carter’s arm and we squeal a little together. As we follow the hostess to our table, back in the back, we pass a table with two teenage boys. One looks Carter up and down, obviously checking her out, while the other locks eyes with me. I smile, forcing myself to look away as we disappear into the back, private room Dad reserved for us. 

“Holy crap, did you see those guys?” Carter whisper-yells into my ear. I nod, trying to focus on the fact that Mitch Marner is standing a few feet away from me, a grin on his face, instead of the guy I just saw.

“Hey Sid. This must be Ava and Carter. Nice to meet you girls.” Mitch says, reaching his hand out. I shake it, the smile on my face impossibly large. Morgan Rielly stands next to him and shakes our hands as well. As we all sit down, I happen to glance around the room and see that both of the boys are looking into the room. As much as I want to pay attention to what Mitch, Mo and Dad are talking about, I can’t. I’m too distracted by the boy I saw. Carter, apparently can’t either. 

“Ava, they were literally so hot. Can I please go get their numbers?” She asks, nudging me when she catches me staring again.

 “No! Dad will kill me if he catches me talking to a boy!” I whisper-yell, glancing up at Dad and Mitch. 

“Ava Grace, that could be your freaking soulmate and you’ll never know because you won’t let me go get their numbers!” I roll my eyes and glance over my shoulder at the boys’ table. Sadly, they’re gone and I sigh, looking over at Carter.

“They’re gone anyway. Not like we’re ever gonna see them again anyways.” I say, glumly, resting my chin on my hand. She shakes her head. “There went your soulmate.” I sigh, knowing she won’t let me live this down. Dad clears his throat, pulling Carter and I back to the conversation happening at the table.

“So Ava, I hear you’re a pretty big fan of mine.” Mitch says, leaning on his elbows against the table. I smile, taking in all of his features.

“Yeah, you’ve been my favorite since you came into the league. Dad’s always a little disappointed when I don’t tell people he’s my favorite player.” Mitch and Mo laugh. The rest of the evening, conversation flows easily and Carter and I both have a blast. As I glance at my Apple watch and see the time, Carter nudges me again. 

“Your dad is looking at you funny.” She says, nodding her head towards Dad. I look up, my eyes meeting my dad’s gaze.

“It’s getting late, are you girls ready to head back to the hotel? Your aunt and uncles should be getting back soon too.” Carter and I nod and I turn to look at Mitch.

“I’ll be wearing your jersey on Saturday night. Don’t disappoint me. Also it’s my birthday so a goal or two would be nice.” Mitch and Mo laugh as Dad smiles down at me. 

“I will try my hardest. Glad we could spend the evening with you lovely ladies. See you on Saturday after the game? There’ll be passes for your whole group at the ticket desk.” My face lights up and I know Carter’s does too.“Okay great! See you then! Good luck!” I say, standing and hugging Mitch. Mo shakes Dad’s hand and then the two of them head out. 

“You two seemed very distracted all during dinner. Was everything okay?” Dad asks as the 3 of us head back out to the car after he pays.“Yeah everything was fine. Dinner was super good and fun. Carter just saw some cute boy and wouldn’t shut up about him.” Dad laughs and rolls his eyes.

“Hey, in my defense, your daughter was looking too so it wasn’t just me.” Carter says, crossing her arms. Dad’s head whips around as we climb in the car.

“A boy? What?” I groan internally and elbow Carter. I’ve never been that into boys. I mean, I’ve thought plenty of boys were cute and had quite a few guy friends but I’ve never had the time or the effort that comes with having a relationship. So it’s never been a topic of conversation for Dad and I. 

“Nothing, it was nothing. Don’t worry about it, Dad.” I say, trying to avoid the topic. 

“It’s interesting though. I was just talking to your uncle Kris about how you’ve never had a boyfriend or anything like that. Which is fine with me because I know what boys are like.” Dad says as we drive back to the hotel. Carter is dying sitting next to me, her hand pressed against her mouth to avoid laughing out loud.

“I-I know...I’ve just never had the time or wanted one.” I say, burying my head in my hands. 

“Well you don’t need one. You have all the guys you need in your life. Me, your Uncle Geno, Uncle Kris, Uncle Marc, and Grandpa.” Carter finally bursts out laughing and Dad looks in the rearview mirror at me. 

“I’m serious, Ava Grace. Why do you need a boyfriend?” Dad has never really been the overprotective dad. He’s protective for sure but he kind of lets me do my own thing most of the time. He knows if I need to, I’ll come to him or one of the other main adults in my life. But he lets me make my own decisions and figure life out by myself. This whole ‘no boyfriend’ thing that he’s doing right now is new. 

“I guess I don’t. You’re right.” I say, putting an end to the conversation by turning and looking out the window. Thankfully, Dad doesn’t push any farther. The 3 of us ride in silence, the radio off, the rest of the way back to the hotel. Once we get into the hotel and up to our rooms, I tell Dad goodnight, give him a hug and a kiss then follow Carter into our room. Carter distracts me from the disaster of a conversation that was with Dad and forces me to watch some cheesy rom-com with her. I fall asleep midway through and sleep in late the next day. Taylor takes Carter and I out shopping all day on Friday while my dad and the uncles do who knows what. The topic of boys is avoided all day, All night at dinner on Friday, we catch up with everyone. I fill Marc in on what Dad’s latest old person moment was, even though he’s only 33. Everything seems so perfect and happy but I keep replaying the conversation with Dad over and over again in my head. 

Saturday morning, my birthday morning, Carter wakes me up with cake in bed. It’s a tradition we started when we were 12. Every year on our birthday, the other girl brings the birthday girl cake in bed. It’s one of my favorite birthday traditions. 

“Happy birthday Little Crosby! You are adult now!” Geno calls, leading the rest of my family into my room. Dad brings up the end of the line and walks over to the bed. He hugs me, pressing a kiss to my forehead.“Happy birthday my sweet girl.” He says, smoothing my hair down and getting all teary-eyed. 

“I can’t believe the young lady you’ve grown into. You are beautiful, strong, independent and so responsible. I...I didn’t think things would end up this way, especially with your mom not being in the picture. But I look around you and I see all these people who helped raise you and I know, you’ve turned out more than okay. I love you Ava Grace and will always love you. Happy birthday.” Dad says. I take another bite of the cake Carter brought me and smile up at him.

“I love you so much, Daddy. Thank you for everything. Thank you everyone for everything you’ve done for me. I love all of you.” They all share a sappy smile and I keep eating my cake. The rest of the day, we hang out at the hotel, lounging around before the game tonight at 7. Marc and Geno see how many pieces of pizza they can eat while Dad keeps score. Taylor paints Carter’s nails and I pick at mine. Kris sneaks out to buy me ice cream and comes back with at least 10 different kinds, all of them my favorite in one way or another. 

Carter and I start getting ready around 4:30 so we’re ready to leave by 5. I straighten my hair and do just light makeup. I dig my Mitch Marner jersey out of my bag and put it on with some black leggings. Carter wears the jersey of the only Leaf she likes, Frederik Andersen. She opted for black ripped jeans instead of leggings. Everyone else is just dressed casual. Marc did wear a Leafs hat just to please me. The drive to the arena, Carter gets to play music again. She plays our ‘Hockey Game Hype Up’ playlist, something we made a few years ago. Even though I’m the music person, she’s much better at putting playlists together. I’m only really good at finding one or two songs I love and just playing them over and over again. As the songs ‘Auston Matthews’ by Svdvm and ‘Toronto Maple Leafs Anthem’ by JDME play back to back, we pull into the arena parking lot. No matter how many times I’ve been to Scotiabank Arena, it never ceases to amaze me. I think I’ve been here a grand total of like 15 times in the last 10 years, solidifying it as my favorite arena. 

“Come on Ava, let’s go watch your boy play.” Carter says, linking her arm through mine. She leads me and the rest of our group into the arena. Everyone else heads to the box but I decide to stay down in the main area and wander around a bit, making sure I get the full experience again. All around me, Leafs fans are hurrying to one place or another. I take everything, wanting to remember this for the rest of my life. As I’m walking down a small set of stairs, I collide with a pretty solid body. And of course, with my human wrecking ball abilities, I manage to take both of us down, all the way to the ground. “Shit! I’m so sorry, are you okay?” I ask, sitting up and looking at the boy I collided with. He sits up, looks at me, down at the ground, then back up at me. His eyes are huge.

“I-Oh my God. Yeah-Yeah I’m okay! Are you?” He asks, jumping to his feet and reaching his hand out to help me up. I take his hand and he pulls me to my feet. “Yeah I’m all good. Sorry for taking you out. I’m known for being clumsy. Like the jersey by the way.” I say, pointing to where the number 16 is stitched into the arm of his jersey. The same number sprawled across my back.

“Hey, I like yours too. Marner your favorite player?” I nod, pushing my hair back out of my face.

“Yeah, I grew up a Penguins fan because of my dad but the Leafs are my favorite team.” He smiles and nods. He looks so familiar but I can’t place where I know him from. Talking to him comes so naturally and it seems like the world just goes on around us while we stand there and talk. Before I know it, they’re starting the lineup announcements.

“Oh shoot, I gotta get going. Enjoy the game!” I call over my shoulder as I run back towards the box we’re all sitting in. Of course, I trip up the steps and almost fall. As I glance over my shoulder, I see the boy with a smirk on his face. I blush and mentally kick myself for first off accidentally tackling a cute boy then tripping and almost falling in front of him. As I rush back into the box, Dad eyes me with a raised eyebrow. I huff and flop into my seat next to Marc and Carter. Carter glances at me out of the corner of her eye and smirks.

“Why are you all red and bothered about?” I bite my lip and Marc looks over at me.“I accidentally tackled a cute boy…” I say, burying my head in my hands. Carter and Marc laugh and Marc pats my back.

“There there, Little Crosby. I did much worse to your aunt Véronique.” I laugh and lean my head on his shoulder. Geno and Kris are behind us, teasing Taylor as Dad watches what’s going on down on the ice. His hand is resting on my shoulder, absentmindedly squeezing and releasing in a protective way. As I sit there, watching the game, all I can think about is the boy. But as I do, I think about the conversation Dad and I had last night in the car. Did he really mean what he said? Would he really get upset if I did ever decide to have a boyfriend?

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Ad-tech's algorithmic cruelty

The wife of one of my elementary school teachers once delivered a full-term, stillborn baby. It was a great tragedy, but far worse came in the months and years that followed, as direct-marketers bombarded them with pitches that tracked the progress of their dead child.

College-savings plan ads, ads for baby food, annual birthday notices - the whole thing running on autopilot as marketers pursued the Procter & Gamble "lifecycle marketing" playbook that targets the turning points in customers' lives, like parenthood.

This got automated. In 2014, Eric Meyer coined the term "inadvertent algorithmic cruelty" to describe his experience of Facebook's "memories" feature, which bombarded him with pictures of his young daughter on the anniversary of her death.

http://meyerweb.com/eric/thoughts/2014/12/24/inadvertent-algorithmic-cruelty/

Meyer called it "inadvertent," but there's a strong argument to drop that and simply call it "algorithmic cruelty." Facebook *should* have known that promoting "high-engagement" posts would end up retraumatizing people on the anniversaries of the worse moments in their lives.

And if the company didn't realize it in 2014, they certainly knew about it after, and did not stop. In 2018, Patrick Gerard wrote about how Facebook commemorated his mother's death with a video of animated characters literally dancing on her grave.

https://twitter.com/PatrickGerard01/status/1031920228098355200

Algorithmic cruelty spread to other platforms: for example, Google's smart address book began adding women's stalkers to their speed-dials, sensing a high degree of mutual interactivity:

https://www.wired.com/story/the-problem-with-your-chatty-apps/

The problems of algorithmic cruelty - the predictable ghastliness of a fire-and-forget system of idiotic, automatic cheer - have long been a feature of science fiction.

Think of Bradbury's classic "There Will Come Soft Rains," where an empty house cheerfully greets its dead owners with their daily routine after a nuclear war has killed nearly every living thing.

https://www.btboces.org/Downloads/7_There%20Will%20Come%20Soft%20Rains%20by%20Ray%20Bradbury.pdf

Or David Marusek's pioneering, haunting story "The Wedding Album," about the AI avatars of a couple, created to commemorate their wedding day, outliving the couple and haunting virtual spaces for thousands of years:

https://gumroad.com/davidmarusek

Or Sarah Gailey's instant classic 2018 short story STET, which recounts a particularly horrific sort of algorithmic cruelty in the editorial notes on a scholarly paper about a self-driving car wreck:

https://firesidefiction.com/stet

None of these warnings were heeded. Indeed, algorithmic cruelty - incubated in primitive direct marketing, supercharged by social media - made the jump *back* to ad-tech, in a form that is thousands of times more virulent than its prehistoric paper-based ancestor.

Writing in Wired, Lauren Goode describes the ad-tech algorithmic cruelty trap she found herself in: eight years ago, she called off her wedding. Today, she is still bombarded with messages that track the progress of a marriage that never happened.

https://www.wired.com/story/weddings-social-media-apps-photos-memories-miscarriage-problem/

These are the product of the "memory monetization machine," which surfaces your old social-media breadcrumbs as inventory for spot-market advertising auctions: "This user got married eight years ago, who will pay me top dollar to show them an ad?"

Naturally, this has all the failure modes of social memory monetization - the dead children and parents, and commemorations of other traumas - but with ad-tech's nonconsensual, eternal torture: you can quit Facebook, but you can't control these background processes.

Goode quotes Kate Eichhorn, whose book THE END OF FORGETTING describes how this nonconsensual external memory system disrupts the "memory editing" that is key to overcoming trauma for the most marginalized among us:

https://www.hup.harvard.edu/catalog.php?isbn=9780674976696

Reading that, I was struck by the distance between the algorithmic cruelty of nonconsensual memory-surfacing, and my own powerful, hugely beneficial practice of combing through my own digital history, which is in a database under *my* control - my 20-year blog archive.

For a decade, I've started each day by looking at my posts from this day in the past - at first, it was #1yrago and #5yrsago - now I look back at #15yrsago and #20yrsago, and republish the elements that seem significant today. Here's yesterday's:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/04/05/zucks-oily-rags/#retro

I can't overstate beneficial this is: tracking my own predictions, concerns and aspirations over time is an incredible tonic for anxiety, a tool to refine and improve my goals, an empirical, external check on my memories and feelings about where I am and where I've been.

It's like a subspecies of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, the process of writing down your worries and aspirations, then revisiting them after the fact to refine your understanding of when your intuition leads you true...or astray.

The difference between what I do and algorithmic cruelty isn't technology - it's control. I'm in charge not an unaccountable, nonconsensual algorithm.

As is often the case with tech issues, the important thing isn't what the tech does, it's who it does it *to* and *for*.

Indeed, thinking this through this morning made me realize how much I'd like to revisit my photos every day; I've got 20 years worth of them stashed on Flickr, where I was literally one of the first users:

https://memex.craphound.com/2018/04/21/family-owned-smugmug-acquires-flickr-rescuing-it-from-the-sinking-post-yahoo-ship/

I tried it this morning, but Flickr's tools remain incredibly primitive thanks to years of neglect under Yahoo's ownership. Its new owners, Smugmug, have been making great strides, but they have a LOT of technology debt to pay off.

But having manually pulled up photos from this day 5, 10, 15 and 20 years ago, I was absolutely delighted. I would welcome a Flickr change to made it simple to see pics from a given date - maybe by editing the URL itself  (currently a mess!):

https://www.flickr.com/search/?text=&min_taken_date=1586156400&max_taken_date=1586242799

The point I'm trying to make here is that we shouldn't mistake the ability to revisit your past experiences and thoughts for algorithmic cruelty - the answer to this cruelty isn't to destroy our digital time-machines; it's to seize the means of computation.

Image: Cryteria (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:HAL9000.svg

CC BY: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en

[tlou-1]

Joel Miller x Reader (Home) Chapter 21

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6| Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13| Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Chapter 18 | Chapter 19 | Chapter 20 | Chapter 21 | Chapter 22 

Chapter 21 - Joel is in a really bad way, you and Ellie await to see how and if he will recover

Contains | SMUT and a minor glimpse/reference to PTSD

A couple of days pass and you still had’t left the surgery, you had barely left the chair sat across from Joel’s bed. He still hadn’t gained consciousness, from the beating, the drugs, the stitches. On the second night Molly brought you a change of clothes and suggested you head home for some sleep and to check on Patrick. 

“I left Patrick with you for a reason Molly. I am not going anywhere until I know he is okay” you said shortly to her nodding your head towards Joel. You would be no use to Patrick like this and what child should have to see his parents like this at such a young age, you trusted Molly to look after him for a couple days.

“Fine but at least change your clothes, your jeans are soaked in blood.” She sighed pointing at the pile she had set out for you. For the first time you looked and felt the clothes you were wearing, the dried, crusted blood on your knees creating a smell of iron which filled your nose with nausea. You washed and changed like she asked but after sat right back into the same seat. 

A couple hours when dusk had set in Ellie appeared at the door, neither of you seemed to know what to say to the other. Nothing would make this better, the only person that could was lying in the bed next you both unable to do so. Ellie pulled up a chair next to you and you took her hand, she clenched it tightly. You both fell asleep together on those chairs that third night. 

In the morning, Ellie brought you both two mugs of coffee, “I hate the stuff to be honest but I love the smell.” She sighs. 

You smile slightly at her, “I know exactly what you mean”, neither of you could smell the stuff without thinking of Joel. 

You reach your hand out to Joel’s and squeeze it. Ellie props herself at the foot of the bed as you feel something brush across the top of your hand. You look down to see Joel’s thumb stroking the back of your hand slowly.

“Ellie” you whisper gesturing her to look down at the movement. 

“Joel can you hear me? I am here, Ellie is here too” You call to him. 

“Oh I can hear you darlin, I’d know those two voice anywhere” he says quietly and horsely. He sounded rough but even hearing him call you darlin, well there wasn’t many words that could describe the sense of relief. 

You press your forehead to Joel’s hand which you were holding and let out a deep breath which became a small cry. 

“I thought” you start but you couldn’t finish that sentence. 

“That I would leave the two of you and Patrick? Not today anyway but I see you are already into my coffee stash” he says taking his time with each word, it was difficult to talk and his laugh barely made it past his lips. Neither you or Ellie laughed, it was clear he was trying to lighten your spirits. Joel could barely see out his swollen eye but he could still see and feel the look on your faces, he grips your hand tighter. 

“Joel I’m so sorry” Ellie begins to cry, really cry with her eyes and nose leaking its like she can barely catch a breath. You want to reach out for her but Joel is already there, putting his hand out to her hush her. 

“You have nothing to be sorry for, you hear. Nothing” He says sternly pulling Ellie’s conscious back into the room. You all sit together a few moments before Joel asks Ellie if he can have a moment with you. “I’ll just go clean our mugs” she suggested offering to take the empty mug from your hand.

There is such a long silence once Ellie leaves, you were about to say something when -

“What on earth were you thinking?” He whispers angrily at you. 

“What? What was I thinking? Are you really asking that now?” You repeat his words defensively. 

“What about the baby, did you think about that? Or Patrick?”.

“What about thank you for saving me Y/N? I don’t know where I would be without you Y/N? Hmm?” Your voice gets a little louder and you continue.

“All I could think when I saw you, like that was that my husband and father of my child was about to get beaten to death in front of me and our daughter. I was not - I wasn’t going to let that happen. You said you wouldn’t leave, you made that promise, I was keeping it.” Your voice shaking as you spoke.

Again Joel says nothing for a bit before a quiet “Thank you Y/N” escapes his lips, he is clearly still frustrated.

“And the baby?” He asks. 

“Joel we haven’t even been to the doctor to confirm if I am pregnant, I am probably too old for it, just because I am late doesn’t mean-“ but he interrupts.

“When in the four years that I have been with you have you been late?” He asked bluntly, the answer was never but you just had a feeling he wasn’t right this time. He was mad, of course he was mad but how you make a ‘rational’ decision in that kind of situation. Maybe the grenade was a dud, maybe it wasn’t, maybe you might have died, maybe you wouldn’t, maybe you were pregnant, maybe you weren’t. The only thing that was certain was Joel was going to die if you didn’t do something, so you did the first thing that came to mind. It seemed hard for him to understand that, maybe he thinks his life isn’t worth that much, ‘what an idiot’ you thought when so many people loved and depended on him. 

“What would you have done if it was me? If you saw me beaten half to death in front of you, would you leave me there?” You asked, he was silent again and you both knew he would never have walked away. Ellie joins you both again “Everything okay?” She asks.

“Yeah we are good kiddo” Joel reassures her with a soft smile. He grimaces slightly, clearly the painkillers beginning to wear off. After Doctor Henry has a good assessment of Joel she explains it’s going to be a couple weeks for a full recovery, “I ain’t staying here for a couple weeks. I want to be in my own house” Joel insists. You pull Doctor Henry aside as you prepare to move Joel home and explain your own situation, “If you let me take a couple samples, I will run some tests and should be able to tell you in a week or so” she smiles. 

Joel spends the next week in your bed at home. By the second week he is beginning to get back on his feet for short periods of time, he manages to walk downstairs and joins you and Patrick to watch a film “What we got tonight?” He asks pulling you into his arms, you let out a large sigh and sink into him. “Patrick picked Monsters Inc again” you point to Patrick who has moved off the sofa to a spot right in front of the TV wanting to be as close as possible. “I’m not pregnant Joel” you whispered so only he could hear, you couldn’t see his face but he squeezed you shoulders tighter and pressed a firm kiss on the crown of your head, “Are you okay?” He asks, you nod your head. You really were okay, “I am. I am really happy with my family. I don’t need anything more than I already have”. You both go back to watching the film and don’t talk about it again. 

That night in bed, Joel turns to you and wraps his arms around the back of you, you feel his hands trail under the shirt you were wearing. “Joel” you groan slightly and press your back into him further, you can feel him stiff against your ass, “Mhm?” He purrs against your ear, “You are still recovering” you state, he wasn’t really in a fit state yet. “I am” he nods and his hands further higher up your top, cupping your breasts. You turn to meet him and press a kiss on his lips before breaking away and venture towards the end of the bed. “Where do you think you’re going?” He asks trying to sit up, you push him back down and begins to pull his underwear away. You lower your head and trail your tongue along his shaft from the bottom to the tip, he let out a hiss as you took him entirely in your mouth. Working away at him with your mouth and hands you feel him tense as he moaned “oh Jesus baby” and finished him off. 

You both fell asleep, you leaning into Joel but being careful with him as good as he was doing, he was still in some discomfort. You watched him sleep, it felt good feeling his chest rise and fall under the palm of your hand. As you feel him breath, you begin to feel him move restlessly under your hand, his breathing becoming erratic. You gently nudge him but it seems to make him worse, you sit up and press your hands at either side of his face, “Joel, Joel wake up! You’re having a nightmare”. Before his eyes flash open he raises his hand to your throat, his grip tightens but quickly loosens as soon as his eyes open and the realisation of who he had in his grip crosses his face. You get your breath back and Joel still hasn’t moved, his eyes wide open, “I - I am sorry. I don’t know wh-“ he says flustered, seemingly unable to move or even blink. 

You move closer to him, almost sitting in his lap, you take his face in your hands and try to force him to look at you “Hey it’s okay, I am okay Joel.” But he is still struggling to look at you and try to pull his face to look at the ground. 

“I just keep seeing it” he says in almost a whisper, you can feel his cheeks are becoming slightly damp. 

Pressing a kiss to his forehead you reply “It’s going to be okay, I promise”. 

[thatsarcasticgemini]

Mom and Dad

Arvin Russell x reader (single parent AU)

Word count: 1385 words

Estimated reading time: 5-6 minutes

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: none

     Moving to Cincinnati seemed like a bad idea. It was way too close to the place where Arvin killed those people. They deserved it, but no cop would buy that excuse. But the boy was tired. So tired. Too tired to keep looking for a car. Cincinnati could do, at least for a while. He wanted to keep a low profile, so he stayed in the outskirts of the city. He found a nice couple, who allowed him to stay with them for some time. He was thankful. When he had enough cash saved, he moved in his own little house. The house wasn’t big or fancy, but he could make it homey. His life was looking better. After a few months, his life was flipped upside down, when he fell in love. 

     Y/N Y/L/N was a waitress in a diner near his house. He ate there a lot, since the prices were decent and the food was good. She was a beautiful girl with a beautiful heart. She seemed around his age. He asked her and yes. She was 17, just like him. He looked for reasons to go there more often, for subjects to talk about. She was a little distant at first, but talked to him nevertheless. Arvin asked her out, but she panicked a little. She looked pale and excused herself. She later apologized. They went on a couple dates. On their fifth, Y/n told Arvin the reason why she was reluctant about dating him: she had a 5 month old baby boy at home. Arvin looked at her in shock. She was 17 and she had a baby? He asked her about the father, whether she was married or not. Through the tears falling from her eyes she explained. She had a boyfriend who forced her into sleeping with him. He was rough, he shamed her and called her names. He made her first time a total nightmare. When she went and told him about the baby, he broke up with her and spread some rumors about her getting pregnant by the janitor. She went to her parents for help, but they kicked her out. Now she was working to support her little baby and to move out of the shelter and into an apartment. Arvin pulled her to him and kissed her head. Lenora. Lenora would have gone through something very similar. He asked her to meet the baby.

     The shelter she lived in was packed with some scary looking people. When they got to her room, he saw a little bundle of blankets on the bed. Y/N went to pick it up and hand it to him. He looked at the little baby in his arms and he fell in love again. He had little brown eyes and a small button nose. Y/N went behind him and hugged his waist. The boy’s name was Patrick and he had the brightest little smile. He fell in love with the boy as quickly as he had fallen in love with his mom. He turned to her and placed the baby in her arms, hugging both of them. He never thought that he’d fall in love, especially not with a woman who had a child, but there he was. He knew he’d have to tell her about the murders, but he somehow knew she’d still love him. 

     But all that was three year ago. Here he was in the present moment, a 20 year old man, who stepped up and became the rock of a woman and a boy. He was coming back from work when he recalled the past events. He was minutes away from home and he couldn’t wait to get to Y/N and Patrick, his son. He took his left hand off the steering wheel and placed it into the pocket of his jean jacket. He fiddled a little with the ring. He knew he wanted to marry her from the moment he saw her kind eyes, but he waited. Like always, he waited for the right moment. This was his right moment. He looked up and took a second to think about Lenora, his grandmother and his mother. All three of them would have loved Y/N. Even when he told her, between tears, that he killed, she still stood by his side. She hugged him and calmed him down. She was the one. Arvin knew it for sure. 

     As he pulled in the driveway of their little house, he saw Patrick in the grass playing with, Jack, the family Labrador. The toddler looked up and stood up, running to his dad as fast as his chubby legs could carry him, yelling “daddy, daddy” over and over again. Arvin set the bag of groceries down and turning to the boy, just in time to catch him. The small child was giggling like crazy, happy to be reunited with his dad after a whole day of being away from each other. Jack ran to them as well, jumping and running circles around the pair. Arvin used his left hand to give the dog an affectionate head pat. He then went picked the bag up and went inside. He sat the little boy on the floor, going to the kitchen to see his loved one. There she was, hair in a messy ponytale, a dirty apron covering her front, and eyes focused on some apple pie. He sat the groceries on the table, hugging her from behind. She leaned her head against his shoulder. He raised his hands from her waist to the knott tying the apron, untying it. The flower material fell to the floor, as his hands undid her ponytail as well. She turned to face him, but found him on one knee, with his hands presenting a ring.

“Marry me?” he asked, his voice deep and his eyes teary. 

Y/N teared up, as she nodded her head, squealing, jumping in his arms, knocking him on the cold tiles. Jack and Patrick made their way to the kitchen, both wondering what the source of the sounds was. Patrick saw his parents kissing and hugging on the floor, as he made his way to them, wanting to get some affection as well. Arvin welcomed him in their embrace, knowing that this was the happiest he had been in years. Everything was beautiful.

     That evening was filled with giggles and affectionate hugs, kisses and cuddles. Arvin explained a few things to Patrick. Telling the boy about weddings, cakes, love, dresses, suits, churches, God, unions between lovers, happiness and everything related to a wedding. Arvin and Y/N promised to each other that they would never tell Patrick about his biological dad. For all they cared, Arvin was Patrick’s real dad. He raised him, loved him, helped him learn how to walk and talk, patched his scrapes up, placed ice on his bruises, dried his tears, calmed him down, tucked him in bed every night, loved his mom and held both of them close. All three of them, four if we count Jack, sat on the couch, in a comfortable silence. Y/N was over the moon, already planning her dress and vows. She loved Arvin and Patrick more than anything. They were her whole life. Her world revolved around them. Patrick didn’t get much, his little brain still processing that there was a higher power named God. He never knew there was someone more powerful than his dad. Everything was new, but as he sat in his mom’s lap, with his daddy’s arm around his middle he felt the happiness radiating from his parents. He himself was happy to see that his mama’s  happiness was preventing her from seeing that he had stolen all the chocolate in the cabinet earlier in the day. 

     And as they sat there, holding each other close, Arvin realized that the woman he was holding and the boy in her arms were his everything. If God himself got down from heaven, came in his garden, took everything he had away and asked him to chose one thing he could keep, he would say “my family” without any hesitation. He had his whole life in his arms and he wasn’t planning on letting it go. And in that moment, Arvin Russell prayed for more days like that one. More days of happiness with is soon-to-be-wife and his amazing son. 

Hello, Erica here 👋! I wanted to say that this is my first Arvin Russell piece, but I plan on writing more. Feedback is always welcome. This Arvin Russell + Single Parent AU idea came to me after I stumbled across @asonofpeter​ and this challange .  I am beyond proud to take part in this. Have a good day people!

[doakaptan]

i may not be mentally okay but so is ted

so, kids, this is the story of how I watched how I met your mother and accidentally spiraled into an existential crisis

At the start of this semester, I started watching How I Met Your Mother for the third time to overcome my fear of sitting through films and shows. The show is familiar and, something I already liked so, I did not think I would find any errors or things that would make me uncomfortable. 

Well, first of all, I was wrong and, second of all, now I’m afraid to watch Friends again because I know I’m going to hate it after a while. 

How I met your mother is a lighthearted show about a guy named Ted who’s trying to find the love of his life to get married and... That’s basically it. Most of what Ted wants throughout the show centers around his dream of getting married and, we see most of his lowest moments during the times he’s chasing after that dream. Actually, the show starts with his lowest moment where he confesses his love for Robin within their first date, insisting she’s the one, and this creepy attempt at romance kickstarts the 9 season adventure that is Ted’s life.

Most of HIMYM’s humor derives from the year it takes place. So, I was not surprised to see jokes that are pretty offending thrown in every two to three lines. Still, the show is too lighthearted to take them seriously so, I kept watching without a hitch. 

Everything was fine until I reached season 5 and then things starting getting out of control. 

In the 5th season, most of the gang starts moving on with their lives. Marshall and Lily get married and start thinking about having children, Ted becomes a professor at Columbia University, Robin starts trying out things that she wouldn’t do; like getting in a serious relationship and putting it before her career ambitions. Barney... Well, Barney is the same old Barney but, now he is more aware of his on-going issues. Try guessing who’s my favorite character.

Then,  I started feeling like I’m losing friends and that they are moving on with their lives faster than I am. I think this was due to me procrastinating while the rest of my friends actually finished projects while I was watching HIMYM but, I digress. 

This is also the season where Spongebobification or Simpsonification of HIMYM starts. Now, what the hell does that mean? Let me quickly explain. 

As shows go along with more seasons the characters start becoming the shells of their former selves. In Spongebob, the main characters are reduced into single characteristics like; Patrick being plainly dumb, Mr. Krabs being stingy, Spongebob gay, Squidward only being sad. In Simpsons it’s the same thing but more painful... The characters no longer have depth, they are merely two-dimensional. 

It starts to be that way for HIMYM characters, especially Ted.

Ted becomes someone who’s so blatantly obsessed with his perception of love and, how relationships should be, that he slowly manipulates Robin and Barney into breaking up. He does not approve of how free-spirited Robin is and instead wants her to want the exact same things as himself. 

The same thing goes for his thoughts on Barney and Robin’s relationship. He finds them incompatible while they are oddly similar in many ways. Both have commitment issues but, they get each other since their issues beyond commitment are also similar. Their preferences on alcohol, cigars, relationships, even their daddy issues are similar. 

Ted doesn’t see the similarities or their compatibility and even gives Barney lectures on Robin. For me, that episode is the one where I realized Ted completely lost it. 

And as I watch more, I remember even more of the final episode and it gets on my nerves. For everyone’s sake, I’ll leave out my thoughts on the final since the last time I’ve watched it was several years ago; but, I will come back and update this post once I am finished with it. 

Lastly, as season 5 progresses and we move onto the sixth season.. Things for the gang start settling down for once. 4/5 of the doppelgangers are found, Lily and Marshal are set on having a baby and, Ted is both enjoying his job as a professor and, as an architect who’s in the process of designing a building that would affect the skyline of Manhattan.

This got me thinking about my own goals and dreams and, I realized that I’ve kind of lost it. I’m having a hard time dreaming about my future; I don’t know what I want and, I have no idea whether I want to continue my life as it is. Yet, I have no idea what I’ll do if I were to change it and, I don’t know why I’m feeling like this while the episode is mainly about men with small dicks. 

But thanks to this hot mess of a season I sped up the process of my internship and, I’m looking for a job on the side to make me feel like I’m doing something. I know I’ll be back to normal once the school kicks back in full force but, this hectic schedule won’t be with me after I graduate and, I don’t want to fall into a void once it leaves... At least I hope it won’t be like this after I graduate because if it's even worse than this I won’t hesitate to sue request the school to pay for the therapy I desperately need.

To conclude once and for all, I may have lost it along the way but, at least I know how I met your mother has it worse than me.

Also I just wanted to add that, something about the lighting of this show makes everyone who appears look awfully average. I know for a fact that Cobie Smulders (Robin) is ten times more attractive than how she’s on the show and not only her but they managed to make the likes of Britney Spears, Nicole Scherzinger, Jennifer Lopez look average. There’s a lesson about lighting there but, I don’t exactly know. 

[lunaleetarot]

Taurus 2021 Year Ahead Birthday Spread

Starting from the top clockwise, theme in the middle.

1. April 2021- Six of Wands

This April, you will have a lot of success. You have victories in all of your endeavors. You will receive recognition for your hard work. All the efforts you’ve been putting in this year will finally begin to pay off. This month you will begin to bask in glory. You may be looked up to as an authority. Your newfound success will make you a sort of celebrity or expert in your field. However be mindful not to let your pride get in the way when dealing with others. You may be dealing with a Leo a lot this month.

2. May 2021- The Tower

In May, you will enter a period of destruction. What you previously held as accurate will be challenged. It will feel as though everything is falling apart. Instead of May flowers, a rough road is ahead for you, Taurus. This breakdown will be a life-changing one. Bankruptcy, divorce, death, infidelity or serious illness can all go hand in hand with this card. Once all is lost, you will need to work hard to rebuild your life. This event will seem like it’s coming out of nowhere. This won’t be something you were expecting. For others, this may represent a time where your attitude will shock and surprise others. Perhaps you will have a drastic change in your point of view or you will start to cut others out of your life dramatically. Be careful not to be rebellious just for the sake of it. Non-conformity has it’s time and place. This card can also predict house floods and fires so be extra cautious with your fire safety. Although this will be far from a pleasant month for you, there is always hope for a better tomorrow. You will rebuild your life and grow stronger, Taurus.

3. June 2021- Five of Pentacles

As the sun begins to shine in June, you may be facing poverty or some tough financial times. Perhaps you're still recovering from the tower card outcome in May? If you're not money savvy you should speak to someone who can help you with your financial affairs. Do so before you get to the point where all is lost. Pay extra close attention to your health this month, make or keep any doctor appointments you have for this card is associated with illness and poor health. Keep Covid-19 in mind, consider getting vaccinated if you haven’t already. Although you will have some troubles in your life, your personal relationships will grow stronger from this strife. This challenging time will bring you closer to the people who truly care about you.

4. July 2021- Four of Cups

Boredom is ahead for you in July. As 4th of July fireworks fly, you may find yourself discontent with your life or current situation. Perhaps you are still dealing with the fall out from the tower card from May? The excitement in your life has fizzled out, you may feel like you're losing interest in your hobbies. You're going to have to do something to change the way you're feeling and get out of this rut. Spice things up, Taurus. If you have the means go on a vacation or take a day trip. Do not allow yourself to fall into a pattern of procrastination. Be mindful that boredom can lead to affairs, so if you’re in a committed relationship keep this in check. You may feel like you're suffering from a mid or quarter life crisis. Avoid coveting what other people have, especially on social media. Don’t waste time desiring things that aren’t meant for you. Count your blessings and be grateful for what you do have. You may be dealing with a Cancer this month. The 11th-18th of this month may be significant for you.

5. August 2021- Eight of Pentacles

This is a card of mastery. You will soon be recognized as a master of your craft. I feel you have taken those ill feelings with the four cups last month and honed in on a skill. This is often a card of apprenticeships. What you have previously done as a hobby is now something you're making cash on. You may even be able to make a full time living at it, or at least close to it. You're leaving the rat race for greener pastures. You’ve spent July thinking over what you want and now in August you're working towards it. You may find teaching your hobby to others is a lucrative career path. This may mean furthering your education or looking for jobs in that field. However don’t become too dictatorial in how you go about things. Don’t waste time bragging to others. You may be dealing with a Virgo this month. The 26th-31st may be significant for you.

6. September 2021- Six of Cups

The past may resurface for you this month. If you're wondering if your ex could be coming back, the answer is yes. If this is something you long for, this will be a positive thing. However I don’t think this will ring true for every Taurus. This card can also mean you will expand your family. Old memories will resurface from your own childhood, making you yearn for a child or more children. You may visit back into the house you grew up in or visit your hometown. This is a neutral card, but just be weary of old dramas coming back to haunt you. Don’t neglect the things or people you love, for they can leave or fade away.

7. October 2021- Justice

You may be dealing with the law and legality as we move into the spooky month of October. You may find yourself at the center of a court case. This doesn’t mean you have done anything wrong, but if you have broken the law I would be worried here. It could also mean your signing contracts or a lease for a new home or new job. Just be sure to read the fine print! Try to steer clear of any actions which are unethical or dishonest. You will get caught and have to face the consequences. With the Tower card in May, I feel this is most likely the case. Whatever you did in the Spring may finally be catching up to you now. Life can be unfair sometimes, and if you're waiting for justice you're going to need patience. You may be dealing with a Libra here. I feel the first half of the month will be very eventful for you.

8. November 2021- Nine of Cups

In November, you will finally start to see some wish fulfillment. This card often goes hand in hand with engagements and marriage. If committed your relationship will go the extra mile this month. You can be sure you’ve made sound investments with your time and money. Business plans will work out. Keep in mind getting what you want is half the struggle, you have to maintain it to sustain it. Good things come to those who work for it. Don’t overindulge without thinking of your future. Aim for a more balanced lifestyle. You may be dealing with a Pisces here.

9. December 2021- Three of Pentacles

Developing yourself will be your main concern this December. You may be looking into an apprenticeship or finishing the one mentioned above for the month of August. You're putting your god given talents to good use this month. Because you have natural talent, your skills won’t go unnoticed by those who matter. This will pay off, but you’ll need to push a little bit harder to get there. Don’t become too arrogant, just because you're good at something doesn’t mean there aren’t others who may know better. If others become jealous of you don’t resort to pettiness, just keep doing you.

10. January 2022- Ace of Cups

Pure and innocent love is coming to you at the start of 2021. This could mean the beginning of a new relationship. If that is the case then your love life will be of the utmost importance to you. However this card also represents childbirth and pregnancy. If it’s impossible you could conceive a child it could be someone close to you. With this card it’s likely the baby will be a girl! With the Ace of Cups you will have a brand new beginning, but it’s likely to come after a tragic ending. I feel that’s coming from the tower and justice card we’ve seen earlier in your year. Make time for friends this month, go out for drinks or dinner dates more often.

11. February 2022- Seven of Cups

As cupid strikes his bow in February, you will be faced with big decisions. Not only will you have lots of choices, but each will be valid. To complicate matters, most of these options are on a time frame. If you don’t act fast enough you will go from having many choices to none. This may be even more complicated for you because as a Taurus you don’t like to rush into things easily. It’s likely you're facing the opinions of others while you're trying to decide what’s best for you. Not everyone will have your best interest at heart, and you should keep that in mind as you're getting advice from others. Ask yourself if the people around you have their own agenda. This card is a neutral one. It’s not telling you what to decide, just that the decision needs to be made. This may make you overwhelmed and confused. You're going to need to work on your decision making skills. You may be dealing with a Scorpio here.

12. March 2022- Ace of Pentacles

As we move into March, you will begin to see the first signs of success. This is a message from the universe that lady luck is on your side for the time being. With St. Patrick’s around the corner, you’ll have the luck of the Irish on your side! The hard work you put in previously is beginning to show now. Perhaps you will receive your first paycheck from a new job or after a promotion. This won’t be some huge pay out, but the first initial signs of success. You have the foundation to build on great things if you're willing to put the work in. You may receive a gift of gold jewelry or an inheritance of some sort. Not a bad way to end your year, Taurus.

13. Theme of the Year- Three of Wands

Teamwork and opportunity are the main theme of this card, and I feel it will be for your year ahead too. Your lucky break could be many things, even something as simple as landing a romantic interest you’ve been crushing on. This year you will be presented with new work or business ventures. This is a card of trade and commerce. The trade you're involved in this year will likely expand beyond your local region, and move internationally. Perhaps you're expanding to an online platform. You may find yourself traveling for your job as well. Don’t be afraid to look for unfamiliar terrain for business opportunities. You don’t have to go with the same old same old methods you're used to. I feel this is especially important to note because as a Taurus you tend to stick to a routine and what you know works. You're going to need to cooperate with others and work as a team to achieve your goals this year. Another important fact to note since a lot of Taurus people like to work alone. In April and September you may be at the start of a promising romantic relationship. It will just be the beginning phases but there are signs of growth here. You may also have some minor grievances with the people in your life this year, try not to act rash or let them get the best of you. Keep your own actions under control, as we all know how the bull can get! In the Winter of 2022, you will be making purchases and small investments. New things will be coming into your life, and you may see financial increases. You may be moving into a new home at this time, or at least buying new furniture or renovating. You may need to invest in a new computer or smartphone, you will likely feel this is a big purchase but it will be worth it in the long run.

[ohblushes]

one thing i both love & get frustrated by in tf is how well jonny schools his emotions, combined with patrick's emotional state affecting how much he's able to focus on jon's facial expressions. it really puts us in pat's head, and makes for a really good read, but then there are times that i'd kill to know what jonny's thinking. (particularly, "When I can't help it anymore, I kneel by my bed and I. I think about you" & "I can always sign with a different team" but honestly just all of cpt 9)

ahh thank you!! man i have such a thing for like... jonny flipping his shit on the inside because patrick is touching him, but keeping it pulled together because he doesn’t want to spook patrick or overwhelm him in early stages of their relationship.

i probably don’t need to say this, but i’m also really into the idea of jonny kind of... drawing answers out of patrick? coaxing him into engaging in the way jonny wants. but i also needed a way to show that patrick was in subspace without realizing it from his own POV and that speech cadence ended up working out pretty well.

and some thoughts on chapter 9 since it is a slow lazy morning as i await my covid test results (eta omg i’m so sorry this turned into a monster and i did not intend that):

And Patrick had hoped that maybe he'd get to play on Jonny's line, even for a little while, especially as long as Jonny didn't take his spot as scoring leader. Jonny was brilliant, a two-way player, someone who could go to the boards in a way Patrick couldn't. He was also kind of—Patrick shouldn't have been looking at him like that, because it wouldn't help his career, but—

"Close your hand. Good. Now open it again. Good, baby, you're so good."

Jonny was… really cute. Even gangly, even gawky and baby-faced; Patrick wasn't supposed to notice dominants, but he couldn't help but notice Jonny. Not that he figured Jonny would pay much attention to him, at least not until they were out on the ice and Patrick made him pay attention.

i had this flashback in mind for the opening of this chapter, but i realized i needed a way to ground it in what had just happened with patrick safewording, and make it clear right off the bat that jonny came after him. (of course jonny came after him!!) also i kind of think at that age that patrick had already been subjected to several well-meaning but probably harmful talks on how he wasn’t supposed to notice or pay attention to doms Like That, he was supposed to act like he wasn’t a sub and play the game first. 

anyway! this whole situation from jonny’s perspective is MUCH WORSE than it is from patrick’s. i have in the back of my head that jonny had training as... a therapeutic dom, is maybe the best way to put it? like he knows how to deal with subdrop and subshock, but it’s an entirely different situation to see the love of his life on the floor curled up against a cabinet and to all appearances catatonic. so he starts trying to slowly bring patrick out of it, but the whole time he’s trying to deal with the idea that he might’ve been the one to cause this, and on top of that it seems severe enough that he’s wondering if patrick needs to go to a hospital.

...and succeeding only in spilling all of his crap onto the floor. He'd huffed at himself and dropped the bag to start collecting everything, but by then Jonny was there, crouched down on one knee as he picked up Patrick's gloves."Oh," Patrick had probably said, and then, "Thank you," and Jonny had grinned at him and climbed back to his feet.

lol baby jonny meets baby patrick and immediately goes down on one knee, i couldn’t help myself.

Patrick staggers, backs up, and manages to get the kitchen island between himself and Jonny. He has to hang on to the counter the whole way; his limbs feel numb, but there's something he has to do, he has to, he has to fit those pieces back together. 

jonny’s in triage mode at this point, and it’s taking everything he has to basically not... lunge for patrick, because he has a pretty realistic fear that patrick’s not going to be able to stay on his feet. but he also thinks that patrick safeworded because jonny screwed up and there’s no way he’s going to try to lay hands on patrick until he is absolutely sure patrick’s okay with it.

And then he remembers what he was supposed to say: "Thanks for, you know, coming to check on me."

"Jesus, Patrick, you don't have to thank me for that—"

"Anway," Patrick says, "I think we probably shouldn't. We shouldn't sleep together anymore, that's enough times to prove I'm just space-resistant, maybe, maybe you should ask the sub at the juice bar out?"

in the moment most of this flies right by jonny but the next day his brain is probably like: what the fuuuuuuuuuck. and he’s already kind of a ball of rage over the way he suspects patrick has been treated, but finding out that patrick thinks jonny deserves to be thanked for something as simple as checking on him when he’s dropping this hard makes him incandescently furious.

and then there’s the moment with the shoe drops about the sub at the juice bar, but i already wrote that part!

"Patrick. How long have you been in love with me?"

this is not how jonny intended this conversation to go but he’s running on fumes and struggling himself and he needs some way to slow patrick’s roll, so this is what comes out. because he was already pretty sure, but now he’s absolutely sure, he has all the pieces he needs to understand not only what patrick was hiding but why.

"Since we were rookies?" A pause. "Before?"

He can't talk, there's a sob caught in his throat, but Jonny must understand what he's seeing. "Jesus," he says, shocked. "Fuck. I had no idea. This whole fucking time, and I didn't have a clue."

jonny DID NOT SEE THIS COMING. he’d been trying to piece together a timeline under the assumption that patrick hadn’t been in this as long as he had, that there must’ve been some point in the last few months or years when patrick tipped over the edge. 

and again, if he were thinking clearly, he never would’ve approached their big conversation like this - where patrick’s basically left hanging for the five or ten minutes they take to work through everything. 

"I know you have no reason to believe me," he says, "but I can be professional. I'll back whatever narrative you tell the team."

"God," says Jonny, who sounds not shocked but sick. "You really can hide it that well."

this is the point where it really all starts to click for jonny. jonny is aware that he is not the best at hiding how he feels and that he lights up when he talks about patrick, but he always figures that can pass for fondness. he knows that patrick plays things closer to his chest, but that he’s able to hide this well really does make jonny sick. 

"Because people would speculate about why I would ever fuck you," Jonny says, like he's finally starting to understand.

this appalls jonny - not just the idea that patrick thinks he’s a bad sub, but that he thinks jonny would be ashamed to be with him. that idea popped up under the cover of their roleplay in chapter 5 but jonny’s really starting to understand how much shit patrick has internalized.

"Right. So, uh, if that doesn't—I'd rather not have to find a way out of my contract, but if you still don't want… if it isn't working by the time that's up, I can always sign with a different team."

and this is when jonny really starts to get not that patrick’s in love with him but how deeply patrick’s in love with him, because he knows with absolutely certainty that patrick would fight tooth and nail to stay with the hawks, that he’s sure of his place on the team and knows he’s a fucking cornerstone and loves being in chicago. that he’d sacrifice his place merely for jonny’s comfort is a level of devotion jonny thought only he was capable of.

"How do you know you freak out when someone tries to humiliate you or hit you or fucking share you?"

"I've tried, okay," Patrick says, and all his fight drains out of him as quickly as it funneled in. He's so tired, he just wants Jonny to leave so he can lie down and rest. "I've tried. I swear I'm not talking out of my ass."

what’s maybe the worst to jonny here is that patrick has actively sought to put himself in situations that he knows he won’t like. also the idea that any of patrick’s doms would be okay with watching someone else touch patrick is totally unthinkable to jonny, but he knows that’s him projecting lol. 

(i wanted to make it really clear that this wasn’t a universal monogamy-above-all thing, just that what 1988 want in a relationship with each other. polycules are pretty common in this universe! but jonny and patrick are possessive in a way that precludes that rather than possessive in a way that encourages it.)

"No," Jonny snaps back, "you don't get it. You've been stuck in this shitty fucking environment from the time you were seven years old where people make you feel like you're broken for being a sub, and you end up dating assholes because you think you don't deserve—no, because it doesn't even occur to you that you deserve better, that you're worth more than that!"

this is what is hopefully mic drop #1 of 2. patrick didn’t just happen into a series of relationships where his needs weren’t considered, he (probably) subconsciously selected partners based on what he thought his desirability and “goodness” as a sub were. his emotional logic was that if he wanted more, there was something wrong with him; that if he was unfulfilled or treated poorly, he was because he deserved to be unfulfilled and treated poorly; and that if his doms where unhappy with his behavior, especially in the bedroom, it was because he wasn’t much of a sub at all. 

jonny gets that. patrick doesn’t, because emotional logic != real logic.

"You dropped," Jonny says. "You know that was beyond normal subdrop, right? You were almost catatonic, you shouldn't even be on your feet right now."

patrick does not have it together lol

"Fuck, that's what you meant by 'freaked out' this whole time," Jonny says. He inhales shakily and drags his hand over his face. "That time in your bathroom, you almost went into subshock just because I told you no."

patrick really does not have it together lol

jonny’s heartbroken. he thought he was handling patrick as gently as he needed to be handled (and he absolutely was), but now he’s stuck thinking about how close he was to this point, and how much patrick downplays how things affect him.

"Let me get this straight," Jonny says. "You have multiple times been deliberately pushed past your limits to the point of having panic attacks and my number is your safeword because the thought of me is the one thing that makes you feel protected enough to get home so you can drop in private?"

"A couple of people have asked about… about it," Patrick starts, "but I tell them that I would've gone with eighty-eight, except that's kind of arrogant even for me, so nineteen because—my birthday. If you're worried, I don't think anyone's connected it to you, I promise."

"I'm not even close to worried about that."

this is not the good cover that patrick thinks it is. meanwhile jonny is just... heartbroken that patrick misunderstands his point so badly, and he’s having his own faulty emotional logic here where even though there’s no way he could have known that patrick was clinging to jonny to get him through bad experiences, he feels like he should’ve been there for patrick. that’s something they definitely talk through in the future. jonny’s so hard on himself!!

"I thought I hurt you, I couldn't stop… I couldn't stop thinking about your hands."

"No," Patrick says.

"Or that I said something that made you feel unsafe, that hurt you so badly you had to get away from me—"

and then we get jonny dropping. i wanted a moment like this from the beginning for a couple of reasons. top drop doesn’t pop up enough in fic! and dom headspace is just as real and can be just as vulnerable as sub headspace - there’s that same level of heightened emotional engagement even though they’re on different sides of the power exchange. plus, even though the bulk of trust fall is about jonny taking care of patrick, their relationship ultimately has a very equal give and take, and patrick is just as much jonny’s emotional guardian as jonny is his. i tried to give that a little focus in chapter 6, too. but jonny getting to shake apart like this in patrick’s arms means a lot to him.

He tells Patrick that he's good, so Patrick says, "You're so good." And Jonny holds him, so Patrick burrows his face against Jonny's jaw and says into his throat, "You didn't hurt me." And Jonny reassures him, so Patrick says, "I trust you," and he says it again, and he says it over and over until Jonny's heart rate starts to calm. 

jonny also looks back on this with fondness, not only because patrick tells him what he needs to hear and not only because knowing that patrick trusts him is everything he ever wanted out of life, but also because it reveals that patrick has started to internalize everything jonny has told him.

"I'm in love with you," Patrick says. "I've been in love with you for a really, really long time."

Jonny smiles and presses a kiss to Patrick's palm. "I know," he says. "It just took me a really, really long time to figure it out." And he sounds okay with it, like he doesn't mind, like Patrick hasn't ruined anything. No, he doesn't sound okay; he sounds happy.

possibly jonny has never been this happy in his life?????

okay and i’m cutting myself off before this gets any more excessive BUT

"It was for you." Patrick leans back a little further, lets Jonny take even more of his weight. "When I can't help it anymore, I kneel by my bed and I. I think about you. Sometimes I tie my legs together," he adds, because it seems like Jonny might like that. "I try not to do—not very often, because it always makes me feel bad, but maybe… maybe it isn't bad?"

this makes jonny sad

but it’s also a little bit boner-inducing, and some echo of nineteen-year-old jonny is nutting so hard over this revelation

[princessplantasaurus]

Sponge AU Masterlist (for drabble requests and more!)

Alright so I literally just realized that I’m out here asking people for drabble prompts and vaguely mentioning my AUs but...a lot of newer sponge followers found me after the proshot and therefore weren’t around for these AUs?? So here is a masterlist of my Sponge AUs! I’m currently accepting any and all drabble prompts for any and all of these AUs and I’m also willing to answer questions or give some headcanons about them should anyone be curious! I’m also willing to do AUs of these AUs, such as, say a soulmate AU taking place in one of the AUs listed below, for example. 1. Regular Humanized Musical AU Basically exactly what it says on the tin. Based on the musical, all the characters are/appear human. Wrote quite a bit for this before, can be found here. 2. Regular Humanized Musical AU except Karen’s a robot Same as above, except while everyone else is a human, Karen appears human but is a robot. Sheldon built her originally as an assistant for his (then) new restaurant, and somewhere along the way she developed romantic feelings that she never expected him to return (but obviously, he did). Typically a little more angsty or in the hurt/comfort genre than the regular humanized musical au, often drabbles took place much before the musical, in the early days of Plankton and Karen’s relationship. Wrote quite a few of these, can be found here.

3. College AU Ah yes, the one that started it all. Basically a humanized college AU but this was the main one I wrote for. There was a fic posted on ao3 and also several drabbles. First year student Edward started at college in Bikini Bottom with his high school boyfriend as his roommate. When his roommate cheats on him during frosh week, he eventually works up the nerve to request a move. He ends up rooming with fellow first year students Bobby and Patrick, who were best friends from day one. Bobby works at an on-campus restaurant as fry cook, and eventually gets Edward a job as cashier, replacing Sheldon, the former best friend of their student manager, a fourth year student named Eugene Krabs.  Eugene and Sheldon were best friends since elementary school, and went to the same college with the plan of graduating with degrees in business and food science and opening their own restaurant together. When Sheldon stated dating Karen, however, it through a wrench in their friendship. Eugene knocking up his girlfriend and now having to worry about being a father on top of graduating and managing the restaurant has put a lot of stress on him. Meanwhile, Sandy Cheeks, a first year student, just got kicked out of the sorority she only got into since she was the daughter of an alumni. There’s so much more I could say about this AU since this AU is the most “my baby” of all of them but I’ll leave it at this. 3a. Coffee Shop AU An AU of the College AU that featured Bobby as the campus’ resident barista, who deemed himself cafe cupid as he tried to pair up both Sheldon and Karen, and Perch and Edward. Wrote a small handful of things that can be found here. 4. Battle of the Bands AU Team of Tres, 3 twenty something best friends (Bobby, Patrick and Sandy) who have been playing as a pop rock band for a few years, and are finally entering the Bikini Bottom Battle of the Bands, where the winner gets signed to a major label. They think they have it in the bag, until they realize last year’s runners up, Chum Bucket, who toured with the Electric Skates as their opening act, are back to compete again. Chum Bucket is a duo, fronted by leading man vocalist Sheldon Plankton, who considers himself a bisexual sex god rock star and likes to maintain this image, often bringing fans backstage to make out with them. Doing literally everything else for Chum Bucket is the second member, Karen, who writes, produces, and arranges all their songs, while also live mixing and DJing behind Sheldon during sets. What no one knows is Sheldon and Karen have actually been dating for close to 10 years, something they’ve been keeping secret in order for Sheldon to keep up his ‘image’ with the fan base. Feeling the need to add a little extra edge to the band, Bobby recruits Pearl, the teenage daughter of his day job’s manager, after hearing her sing one day and realizing she’s a better lead vocalist than he’d ever be. Pearl’s dad doesn’t exactly KNOW they’re doing this. And why, pray tell, is Bobby’s next door neighbor always complaining about their music? What could Edward possibly know about music, anyway? (When I was initially going to write this as a fic I kept Edward’s role in this a secret and tbh I still kinda want to unless someone requests a drabble prompt that involves his involvement.)   I did write a little bit for this au, all of which can be found here. And now onto the stuff I never got around to writing! 5. Monsters and Aliens AU This one’s gonna be vague as hell because this started as a vague pitch of “Spongebob Universal Monsters AU” that me and my friend Bella kept snowballing in DMs (specifically while I was in the stock room at the place I worked at the time one day, I remember this vividly for some reason??). So basically you got Sheldon who’s a vampire, Sandy who’s a weresquirrel, Squidward as a Phantom of the Opera type, and Patrick who’s a Frankenstien’s Monster type. They are all basically being held in a house arrest type situation, free to live in their little house on the outskirts of town but not wanted by Bikini Bottom as a society since they’ve all wreaked havoc on the town before. Spongebob is town’s local hero kid. Ever since he was young, his upbeat unbreakable positivity and unwavering stick-to-it-iveness have been utilized by the town to stop disaster, including sending him to save them from the monsters multiple times. When a race of alien robots invade and threaten to not just destroy and conquer Bikini Bottom, but the world, the town decides it’s best to send the monsters at them like a little monster army. Spongebob, worried for his monster friends,  decides to spearhead this process so that he can help them plan and train. (Karen is also involved in this AU, as one of the alien robots who “defects” to the “good side” because Plankton “sucessfully” “secudes” her, but that’s a whole separate side tangent)  6. Girl Group AU I LITERALLY FORGOT THIS EVEN EXISTED UNTIL I WAS GOING THROUGH OLD DMs AND IT CAME FLOODING BACK TO ME. Sandy, Pearl and Karen started as a group of high school friends posting videos of themselves singing on YouTube who eventually got big enough to be signed to a major label. Sandy is the lead vocalist and doesn’t really want to BE a musician anymore. Singing was fun when it was just a side hobby she did with two of her friends, but she hates the fame and doesn’t want to pursue music as a career. She’d really rather dedicate her life to science, but she doesn’t want to ruin things for Pearl and Karen Pearl is the youngest (was 15 when they started making videos as opposed to Sandy and Karen who were almost 17) and feels like she’s constantly stuck in Sandy’s shadow. Wants to prove to the world (and her dad) that she’s more than just Sandy’s back up singer. Karen writes all the songs and mostly stays out of the spotlight. Has highkey been sleeping with their manager since day one, despite Sheldon claiming he treats all of his clients equally and doesn’t play favorites. (should be noted that Karen and Sandy were 19ish by the time they were signed and Sheldon would’ve been 20 or 21 since I picture him as an intern who got to surpass his mentor by finding and signing ‘the next big thing’ so like...the Sheldon/Karen relationship is at a healthy age difference don’t get that twisted) But yeah those are the AUs!! And I may think of more!! But I’m back in Sponge mode and want to write more drabbles so feel free to send literally anything into my inbox!! It can be just a little idea of your own, and I’ll also be reblogging starter prompts a few times a week if you’d rather send something from one of those! Feel free to specify an AU! Or not and I’ll pick the one I’m feeling! But thank you very much to everyone who read this monstrosity of a post I owe you my life.

[love-takes-work]

The Art of Steven Universe the Movie: Outline & Review

The Art of Steven Universe The Movie was released March 3, 2020. It's a wonderful journey through the concept art, character development, and experience of fashioning these ideas into the movie we all love.

Nuts and bolts: The book is published by Dark Horse, and it was designed by Ryan Sands (a zine specialist), with commentary by Takafumi Hori, Kat Morris, and Rebecca Sugar. It includes art by Rebecca Sugar, Kat Morris, Takafumi Hori, Alonso Ramirez Ramos, Angie Wang, Ashley Fisher, Becky Dreistadt, Chromosphere, Danny Cragg, Elle Michalka, Hilary Florido, Ian Jones-Quartey, Jasmin Lai, Jeff Liu, Joe Johnston, Julian De Perio, Katie Mitroff, Leonard Hung, Miki Brewster, Patrick Bryson, and Paul Villeco.

Full review below with low-quality images.

[SU Book and Comic Reviews]

An introduction explains the same origin story that Rebecca Sugar told us in the movie DVD's commentary: that she accidentally restored her phone to factory settings and lost years of important stuff, and she ended up applying that devastating premise to her movie. That combined with the concept of "breaking" the main premise of a TV show to make a movie was how she got started developing the story. The opening of the movie styled like a storybook is blocked out with some great drawings and breakdowns of which narration would go to what storybook pages. This is combined with some partial sheet music for "The Tale of Steven." Rebecca writes about how she felt having to wrap pre-production on Season 5 only to take on this even bigger movie challenge. The biggest challenge was writing all these songs in such a short time--six weeks--and having to deal with the stress, being crushed under all that pressure while still wanting to do this story so badly, and it was humbling to still have to work so hard to sell the idea. The feeling of relief to finally be done that Steven expresses in "Happily Ever After" is very similar to what Rebecca went through feeling like she wanted to be finally done but still knowing what she had to do to climb an even bigger mountain. Some very cute Steven-at-age-16 and Connie in Space Camp clothes follow. Notes indicate that Steven and Connie are the same height now, but his poofy hair is just slightly higher than her head.

Notes from 2017 also give us the "Neckstravaganza": design notes on Steven's new form, with a neck and a jacket. It's very cool.

Some beautiful Joe Johnston boards follow, with sequences from the "Happily Ever After" song. We also get Angie Wang's final design (with Ashley Fisher's color) of the injector, including some sketchy concept art for it from Rebecca Sugar and Hilary Florido. In the rough concept notes, they call this the "Mega Injector," with notes for Takafumi Hori to use for scale. It looks beyond huge in a Leonard Hung drawing.

Spinel concepts are next. Some notes explain that aivi & surasshu (the usual composers) were involved very early since it was a musical, and Rebecca included them when pitching the story to the Crew so they could organically develop the sound. The heart shape was central to Spinel from the beginning, and early versions of her had an entire heart shape to her head.

(There's a doodle of what looks like a cartoon dog in the pile of drawings shown in this section. It's not clear what that was.)

Spinel was given the heart imagery partly because Rebecca had learned early on about the importance of symbols, and when it came time to assign one to Steven, the star was chosen because it's so positive and is read as gender-neutral. Rebecca still hadn't used hearts for anything, so it was time. They also incorporated really old, dated character design ideas to make Spinel feel like an outdated cartoon from the rubber hose era.

The aspect of her design with the running mascara versus cute eyelashes predated the rotation of her Gem. Rebecca likes to start with more realistic sketches when she's figuring out a character, and then she'll move to making it more cartoony. A quote from Miki Brewster is shared: "Spinel can do anything, as long as it's entertaining!" Her "best friend" form is described as "a doll for friendship fun & games! Of a different era--hokey, charming, weird...super gullible and trusting. Incredibly loyal, constant entertainment machine!"

When it comes to developing her "worst enemy" form, Rebecca explains a bit that she has a really complicated relationship with old cartoons because nostalgia is not compelling to her--the animation from the 1930s is so neat, but considering the social limits and the way the industry was at the time, Rebecca doesn't think she could have participated. Especially considering nowadays she even had to struggle to be allowed to tell the stories she needed to tell and it would have been impossible five years ago. The norms of the time aren't entirely extricable from the art itself.

Takafumi Hori weighs in with commentary on how fun it was to animate a scary but fun character on top of Miki Brewster's boards for the "Other Friends" fight sequence.

Next, moving on from the central new character, they also spend some time discussing Steg. Rebecca first explains "Steg Multiverse" as a character so uplifting he can make you fly, combining Greg's unending support and Steven's positive power. She makes reference to the early "stegosaurus" concepts they had for his look, but they didn't want to lose the opportunity to have his hair flow. Rebecca confirms that the pompadour idea was established in "Steven and the Stevens" so they wanted to give it to Steg, and she credits Paul Villeco for really finalizing his design and bringing him to life.

And of course the poofy hair from Steven and the double-necked guitar was essential for Steg.

Next, the book gives us a whole page of handwritten notes about "Drift Away." Kat Morris explains the intentional duality of the scene--how Spinel should be shown seeing her own past with new perspective, being embarrassed, blending together who she was with who she is. The partial lyrics to the song and some sketchy boards are offered.

Rebecca shares her personal connection with the subject matter--how she once left a stuffed animal in her garden and the side facing the sun faded. It really made a mark on her as a child that things changed without her, because of her actions, and that she'd left this treasured toy alone without thinking about it all that time, letting it be affected by the elements without her interference. She wrote "Everything Stays" for Adventure Time based on that plushie, and realized that she was writing about it again for the Steven Universe movie.

Many beautiful miniature boards are shown in this section.

Partial sheet music for "Drift Away" is also offered here. It's credited to Rebecca Sugar and Aimee Mann. The music sheet is followed by some lovely images of the garden by Julian De Perio, Patrick Bryson, and Leonard Hung.

Takafumi Hori returns for a discussion of the final fight sequence during "Change," which he animated from Jeff Liu's boards. He discusses trying to keep the fight feeling dramatic and serious even though Spinel's fighting style is funny. He wanted to keep her tension. Hori-san throws in a word of thanks for being allowed to work on his favorite show again, praises Jeff and Miki, and compliments Rebecca Sugar's demos. He hoped we'd get a soundtrack album. (Of course, we did.)

Some final boards by Rebecca Sugar and Becky Dreistadt of the characters in their show gear descending the steps close out the book. There are also some cute little doodles at the end on the credits page, like a head of lettuce with caption "lettuce adore you" and Spinel in a drifting go-kart laughing, captioned "drift away."

The back cover pictures Steven with his arm around a heartbroken Spinel, comforting her.

Overall, the book is wonderful--the accompanying information is generally not new to anyone who watched the DVD's documentary and commentary, and many of the sketches have been released one way or another directly by the artists through Instagram, Twitter, or Tumblr blogs. There was still plenty of wonderful new concept art that wasn't already out there, and looking at some of the iterations Spinel and Steg went through was particularly captivating. There was no new insight into the development of the plot beyond the premise and the Spinel-related conflict, though; nothing about how they decided to focus the Garnet storyline, the Pearl storyline, and the Amethyst storyline for how they would each get their memories back, and there was no spotlight on their movie versions--modern Cotton Candy Garnet, copycat baby Amethyst, and factory settings uncustomized Pearl. I was hoping especially for some Amethyst stuff because the movie was the first place we got to see her with the simple default outfit and segmented limbs. It was primarily an art book with commentary on some of the most definitive movie aspects--it didn't reach the depth that Art and Origins gave us. It has a start-to-finish feeling in a sense, but it's mostly just splashes of information that are fun to know. It's a great companion and definitely should not be missed by any fan of the movie. I recommend it heartily!

[SU Book and Comic Reviews]

[justcallmenikki7]

BTS Reaction To: Them Meeting Your Family for the first Time (Holiday!Au)

Summary: Reader is from America and brings her boyfriend home to have them join in on her annual family holiday.

Warnings: fluff, jealous reader (on two of the boys), proposal!!, mentions of politics in Yoongi’s, just a lot of fluff and happiness.

W.C.: 3k

Notes: I am done with 3 out of 5 finals and I am so excited to start break on Thursday. So, get ready for more writing and updates once finals are over!

Jin:

“I’m nervous,” Jin admitted as you were driving down the freeway to your house.

You laughed, “why?”

“Because I am meeting the love of my life’s family for the first time since we started dating two years ago, AND,” he emphasized on the ‘and,’ making a dramatic pause for effects, “the pictures of your dad you had showed me makes me scared of him.”

It was quiet for a moment before you busted out laughing, “you’re scared of my dad? You have never met him!” You continued to laugh, ignoring Jin’s glares.

“Yes, yes I am.” He sounded offended, “he looks very intimidating and I am intimidated easily.”

“Jin, trust me, my family, especially my dad, will love you.” You smiled at him reassuringly.

---

Two hours later, you watched in happiness as your boyfriend and your father were getting along with one another. You knew that Jin was extremely nervous to meet your family, especially your father, but you knew the whole time that they would love him. It made your heart swell with happiness knowing that your future (hopefully) husband would get along with your family. You smiled brightly at Jin as he walked over towards you with a satisfied grin on his handsome face.

“See, I told you that you had nothing to worry about,” you teased, leaning up to peck him on the cheek.

“I know, I just wanted to make a good first impression.” He said with a sigh, a happy look on his face, “plus, I was nervous to ask your father something.” Butterflies filled your stomach at the admission, having an idea on what he was about to say. As Jin got down on one knee, a hopeful look on his face as he pulled out the tiny black box from his hoodie pocket. “Y/N, will you make me the happiest man on this planet by marrying me?”

You could hear your mom start sobbing, causing you to turn around with a ‘really’ look. “I’m sorry,” she a apologized, using your dads shirt to wipe away her tears, “I’ll shut up now.”

“Thank you,” you blandly said, making your mother laugh. Turning back around to a hopeful Jin, tears began making their way to your eyes, “Yes, yes I will.” And at your answer, Jin shot up and brought you into a huge hug, avoiding kissing you in front of your dad.

“I love you, Mrs. Worldwide Beautiful.” He promised, kissing your temple.

“I love you, too, Mr. Worldwide Handsome.”

Yoongi:

Coming from a conservative, back-woods hill billy family, the Fourth of July has always been a huge holiday that your family celebrated. Even though were from a family of conservatives, you developed your own views and opinions on things that did not match your family’s views. Of course, the created controversy for a little bit, especially with your father, your family (thankfully) accepted your own way of thinking and thoughts on things.

So, that is why you are nervous to introduce your boyfriend, Min Yoongi, someone who will say how he feels and is not afraid to make his opinion clear on certain topics, to your family – especially to your dad. But the thing is, the meeting between your boyfriend and dad went smoothly; better than you thought. The person that you should have been worried about was your little cousin, Lucas.

When you got to your house and greeted everyone, you were tackled into a hug by your baby cousin Lucas. As he was explaining his new toy that he bought and how he got a Patrick Mahomes shirt as a birthday present from his parents, he turned silent when he saw a man take his position by your side.

“Y/N, who is this?” He asked in a protective tone, standing straighter with shoulders back.

A grin made its way onto your face. Even as an 11 year-old boy, he still is very protective of you. “Lucas, this is my boyfriend, Min Yoongi.” You glanced over at your boyfriend, biting back a smile at his reaction to your cousin.

“Hi, Lucas. Y/N has always talked about you in South Korea, always excited to tell me about you.” Your boyfriend explained, telling the truth about how you always talked about your baby cousin.

“Hmm,” Lucas replied, trying to not show how happy he was to hear that you missed him as much as he missed his role model, you. “Well, be nice to Y/N, because if you don’t I will find you, and I will make sure that you wake up to…” he trailed off with a teasing smile, joking about what he was saying, besides the being nice part to you.

Yoongi did not look scared at that, actually, he looked in awe at how much Lucas cares about you, and in fact, a smidge jealous. But he could not deny the love that both you and your cousin shared for one another. He knew that you always looked out for Lucas, how you helped raised him too. He also knew how much it tore you apart when you had to move to South Korea for school, but the bond that both you and Lucas have is unbreakable. And Yoongi admires that because of the age difference.

So, Yoongi wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into his side, “I promise that I will not hurt Y/N.” Yoongi promised from the bottom of his heart.

Lucas smiled up at him, fixing his hat to make better eye contact with the black haired man, “Good. Want to play catch with me and my cousin Braxton? I have an extra glove!”

Hoseok:

To say that you were not even afraid to have your family meet your boyfriend, Jung Hoseok, was true. Why? Because how could you not be when Jung Hoseok was a ray of sunshine and nobody could ever hate him. On the way to your family’s house, your boyfriend could not sit still from excitement.

He was even more excited to see your family than you were and that is your family that you are talking about. You even felt a little sad to say that, but it is true. But, you could not deny how happy you are to see that your boyfriend – the first boy to ever meet your family – is excited to meet the ones that mean most to you.

So, seeing your boyfriend holding a cold beer in his hand, looking at home and comfortable as he talked with your dad and uncles, standing by the grill as your dad flipped the hamburgers, created a weird feeling in your stomach. Something that made you think that maybe, Hoseok might be your forever. You have never felt this way before, even with your older boyfriends. Hoseok is the first person to meet your family and that says a lot yourself.

“Whatcha thinking?” Your aunt Linda asked you as she took a seat beside you out of nowhere. “you’re thinking if he’s the one, aren’t you?” She asked again, pushing you to answer.

“Yeah, yeah I am.” You answered, a small smile on your face.

“Out of all of the boys you have dated, which have been three, you have never been this in love before. I know it because you never talked with so much passion about them that you have with Hoseok. I have never seen you so happy before, sweetie. I also can see how much he loves you too, by the way he looks at you.” She said, a happy smile on her face.

“How does he look at me?” You asked curiously.

“As if you are the one who made the world. He worships the ground that you walk on as you lead him to the family to introduce him. You both are so in sync with one another, and you both have been here for about two hours. He is the one, sweetie. I know it.”

And as she said those four words, Hoseok turned to look at you, as if he heard those words and smiled at you.

Namjoon:

You huffed in irritation while you watched your cousin Ashley try and flirt with your boyfriend. Okay, you could not blame her because your boyfriend is indeed very attractive. With that, his personality and knowledge makes him even more attractive, so it is hard not to fall or be attracted to Kim Namjoon. What is making you irritated is that she does not care that she is flirting with your boyfriend. She knows that Namjoon is your boyfriend and is still flirting with him very obviously. Your whole life, she has always stolen your chance with someone and always made it her mission to take what is yours. You always have fought back, always stood up to her, but nothing ever works. All of your boyfriends, which have been three, Namjoon being your fourth, she always somehow took them from you. Of course, it was also the guys decision to leave you, but you never understood why she has done that to you. So, when you found Namjoon, you knew that he was the one. That is why you were terrified to introduce him to your family because you knew that Ashley was going to do this.

You could see that Namjoon was slightly uncomfortable by Ashley’s intentions, so seeing him politely deny her, giving her a kind (and uncomfortable) smile before leaving, you could not help but smirk in victory. The look on Ashley’s face at the rejection and the pissed off reaction filled your ego. When Namjoon got to you, you leaned up and kissed him on the lips, showing what is yours, you heard the scoff from Ashley, causing you to smile into the kiss.

“What was the for?” Namjoon chuckled when he pulled away, caressing your check and fixing the Santa hat on your head.

“Just wanted to make a point, plus wanted to show how much I love you.” You shrugged, leaning into his side to watch your mom and aunt take shots of eggnog together.

Catching on, Namjoon leant down to kiss your temple and pull you in closer to his side, “Just know that I love you and no one can change that.”

Jimin:

Why is your boyfriend so perfect?

This has been the questioned that you have been asking yourself all day. Even though you just introduced your boyfriend to your family, today, he has been taken from you by your mom and aunt. Jimin does not seem bothered by this because he wanted to be perfect for your family, something that you always smacked him on the head for because he is, indeed perfect, but you had to remind him to be his self, and not someone that he is not. You did not mind that Jimin was hanging out with your family, you just wanted his affection too.

The reason why you and Jimin work so well with each other is because you both love affection, and being away from one another can be a huge struggle. And you just want Jimin and his hugs.

“Babe!” Jimin called from you from the dining room table, “Come play scrabble with us!” He motioned towards your mom, aunt, and cousins.

Walking over there, you went to pull a chair up next to Jimin since you both were a team, but before you could do so, you were tugged on to your boyfriends lap. Blushing, you ignored the raised eyebrow from your mom.

“Oh!” Jimin gasped in embarrassment, “I’m so sorry. It is just a habit to have Y/N sitting on my lap when we play board games with our friends back in Korea.” He apologized, a huge blush by his actions.

“It’s okay, dear!” Your mother reassured, smirking at how embarrassed you two were, “my husband always liked me sitting on his lap.”

For the rest of the night, both you and Jimin could not look at your mother in the eye.

Taehyung:

You are ridiculous,

You are jealous of a child. You are jealous of your baby cousin Mya because she is getting all of the attention from your boyfriend. Okay, it is a good thing that your family likes Taehyung, well, loves, and that he seems to be very comfortable around your family, something is very important. But Taehyung has not spoken to you for four hours because Mya has had him playing with her. It is no secrete that Taehyung loves children, but come on! You are needy and love being Taehyung’s center of attention.

You have to admit, you see Taehyung all of the time and have his attention, but who could blame you? Being Taehyung’s center of attention is amazing. You are truly spoiled.

“Why the long face, cousin?” Zach, your oldest cousin on your dad’s side asked, scaring you from his unexpected presence. Noticing where your gaze was on, he chuckled. “You and Amanda are so alike, I swear,” he chuckled, shaking his head as he took a sip from his beer.

“What do you mean?” You replied curiously, looking up at him.

“You both love attention, and whenever you don’t have it, you both turn pouty,” He ruffled your hair in a teasing manner. “But don’t worry, Taehyung, is that how you pronounce it? Yes, cool. Anyways, he always glances to see where you are and makes sure that you aren’t far away. He hasn’t totally forgotten about you.”

“He does?” Insecurity evident in your voice, something Zach knew would be in your tone. He knows about the past assholes, so seeing you with someone who truly does love you makes you happy.

“Of course, Y/N, I wouldn’t say that if it wasn’t true. I know when a guy loves someone, and Taehyung loves you. It is hard to miss from how passionate he talked about you to your father in front of my dad and I, and your uncle John. Taehyung loves you.”

A huge smile made its way onto your face at his words, your heart pounding and butterflies in your stomach. “I love him,” you confessed to Zach.

“Oh, I know. Your Instagram is filled with pictures of you two, more than Amanda’s. Wait, Amanda only has two pictures of us while I have ten! I’ll be back in a little. AMANDA!” Zach yelled for his fiancé.

Jungkook:

Jungkook thought that your dad was the only main concerned that he had to worry about but turns out that he was wrong. The person that he had to worry about was your aunt Sandy. Finding himself sitting in a lawn chair, underneath a tree for shade from the July sun, he was facing more questions than he has in one interview.

“So, tell me about yourself,” your Aunt Sandy asked, “What’s your favorite hobby? Have you gone to school? What’s it like to be a famous person? What is your intention with my niece?”

The desperate look that Jungkook threw you had you cackling. Being questioned by your Aunt Sandy can be scary sometimes, and Jungkook is now facing that.

“I don’t know much about South Korea, but do you guys celebrate something close to the Fourth of July? Have you ever lit a firework before?”

“I love photography, so that is how Y/N and I met. Yes, I have gone to school and still in school. It is very pressuring and is nothing like people think it is, Korea is very pressuring and strict for idols. Y/N and I will be coming up to our one-year anniversary and I plan on having more with her. And we have a lot of public holiday’s and ceremonies. We do have Memorial Day where we celebrate on June 6th for the men and women who died while in military service or in the independence movement, there is a ceremony held for this at the Seoul National Cemetery.”

After Jungkook’s answers, your Aunt Sandy was hooked and wanted to learn more about South Korea and their holiday’s, and their culture. Some of your family followed, also intrigued to know more about Korea, and wanting to learn more. Jungkook loved this, very excited to talk about his home and even about his Hyung’s. You could see the happiness and excitement on his face, even in his voice.

When it turned darker, your little cousins and your uncles went to get the fireworks ready. Jungkook grabbed his chair and a loose blanket for you two, he took them to where everyone was situating their selves to get ready to see the finale of fireworks. Placing his chair to the side, wanting to get a little space from your family, along with wanting to have you to himself, he pulled you onto his lap, helping you get comfortable.

“Your Aunt Sandy made me nervous, but I like her though,” he admitted, face perched up on your shoulder.

“Yeah, she has a specialty in that.” You chuckled, “You seem very comfortable with the family, which makes me happy.”

“I love your family, plus, I know that I want to have a future with you, so of course I am going to make it my mission to get along with your family.”

“You want a future?” You asked shocked, surprising Jungkook.

“Of course, jagi. You may be my first girlfriend and we have only been together for almost one year, but I know that I want you in my life, for as long as possible. I hope you feel the same.”

Not knowing what to say, you sat up, turned around to face your boyfriend, grabbed his face and smashed your lips onto his. Jungkook was shocked at first, but soon kissed you back, pouring his emotions into the kiss. He took this as a yes, and he never felt so happy in his life. The both of you knew that this was as close to an ‘I love you,’ only wanting to wait for that for when the time is right.

The both of you missed the sound of your mom’s camera snapping and awe’s filling the air. What mattered was only you and Jungkook, and they gave you privacy after that, not saying anything to you both, wanting yo

[tlou-1]

Joel Miller x Reader (Home) - Chapter 18

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6| Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13| Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Chapter 18 | Chapter 19 TBA

Chapter 18 - Joel pulls out all the stops for your second wedding anniversary (warning for smut and cuss words. There is also a bit of fluff) 

Songs mentioned from The Dance 1997 Fleetwood Mac Album 

The house felt quiet when you walked through the front door, you had just gotten back from an afternoon patrol and normally Bruce or Patrick would be at the door to meet you but nothing. 

“Hello… anyone home?” You call out hanging up your jacket and kicking off your boots.

“Don’t move, just stay where you are” you heard Joel’s voice call from upstairs. His loud footsteps soon follow, a smile on his face. He places his hands over your eyes and leads you from behind into the living room. When he removes his hands you can see the room was lit with candles, fairy lights strewed across the ceiling, a blanket placed on the floor and the film projector usually used in the church hall was set up in place of the tv. 

“Happy second anniversary” smiles Joel when you turn around to face him, you also have the largest smile on your face. You hadn’t been able to celebrate your first wedding anniversary together, you were pretty preoccupied with a four month old baby, but this completely and utterly made up for it. 

You press a quick kiss on Joel’s cheek before saying, “I should really go get cleaned up from patrol first”. Joel had already thought about this and leads you upstairs to where he had drawn a bath, he added some more hot water whilst you removed your clothes. He turns to leave you once you have climbed into the tub but you reach out for his hand, the water dripping onto his. “And where do you think you’re going?” You chirp. Joel smirks, “Scoot” he begins removing his clothes and climbs in behind you, your head resting on his chest. His hands alternate between running through the end of your damp hair and running up and down your chest, grazing your breasts as he did, you shivered as he did it which made him chuckle. “How is anyone supposed to relax with you doing that” you sigh, you actually felt completely relaxed but you couldn’t stop thinking about the feeling of Joel’s hand.

“I can’t help it” he whispers in your ear, “You know how much I love your breasts and every time I look down, they are staring me in the face”.

To toy with him you turn around to face him so as that he has a complete eye full, he rolls his head back and groans “Jesus woman” before pulling you in for a deep kiss. He trails him mouth and turns his attention to your exposed wet breasts, slowly licking and flicking your nipple with his tongue before wrapping his mouth completely around them. “We shouldn’t stay in here too long, you left the candles burning downstairs”. You can hear him huff, knowing you were right but there was the entire rest of the evening alone together. 

You dried off and changed into a one of Joel’s flannels before meeting him in the living room where he had everything set up. 

“So husband, what are we watching this evening?” You ask sitting down next to him on the blanket and picking up the wine he had poured for you both.

“Well it took a bit of searching but” he simply hit play and the film began. There was a roar of a crowd as the titles appeared, the bass of a kick drum started and a title appeared on screen, ‘The Dance, Fleetwood Mac, 1997’. Your head shoots from the screen to Joel who is smiling at you, “Is this real?” you ask and he responds with a nod. You had mentioned a few time that had only been to one concert in your life before the outbreak and it was a regret you had never seen more, you always wanted to Joel to sit and tell you about any music he had ever seen. You didn’t know a lot of Fleetwood Mac songs but that didn’t matter. You could see Joel tapping his foot to the beat of the song he called, “The Chain”. 

One of the women began singing this song, “time cast a spell on you but you won’t forget me. I know I could have loved you but you wouldn’t let me”. You turn to Joel, “She looks in actual pain singing those words”. He goes on to explain the man across from her playing the guitar was who it was about, that they had been together but split up and continued to write and sing about each other in the band. “The sounds of my voice will haunt you. You will never get away from the sound of the woman who loved you” the women sang the words directly across to the man. “Jesus” was all you could say, “right?” Joel agreed. You had heard music but to see someone sing like that on stage, well it was incredible, it was an incredible gift that Joel had given to you. 

The band start playing another song, this one you recognise. You get up on your feet, Joel Asks “What are you doing?” To which you respond by placing your hand out. He shakes his head and says “I ain’t dancing” before putting his hand in yours with a defeated sigh . He never could refuse you these rare requests. You both slowly sway to the sound of Dream playing in the background, you feel Joels slightly damp hair on the side of your face and inhale the clean smell. “God I get so scared sometimes” you whisper.

“What about?” He asks as you continue to dance, you hold him a little tighter as you answer “How much I love you, it can be terrifying. I literally feel tied to you, like there is a little string between us that is knotted to us both, tying us together”. 

Joel shifts back slightly so he can place his hand under your chin to look up at him, he leans down and kisses you gently.

“I never in my life thought I would meet someone like you. I thank god every day for bringing me here and letting me love a woman who is so strong, kind and” he trails off “I have something for you”. Joel had already given you so much, even this evening had been beautiful, what more could he give you. 

He opens a drawer and hands you a wooden sculpture. There is a large hand, it looked a like Joel’s and it was holding a woman figure, she held one child a her breast and another older child sat at her knees holding her hand. It was beautiful and so detailed. 

“Joel this is” you cant even find the words, he puts his hand up to your face and smiles. He knew what you wanted to say, you kiss the palm of his hand. 

Joel slowly takes the sculpture from your hand sitting it down and replaces it with his own hand to pull you in closer. His lips gently find yours, “I love you” he whispers against your lips which sends this wave of gentle peace over you. You take your time with each other, removing each piece of clothing one by one. Joel scoops you up and walks back to the sofa where he sits down with you hovering over the top of him. You can feel his cock stiff beneath you, grazing between your folds as you relaxed onto him. It made you wet and you couldn’t help but grind against it, both of you moaned in response. 

Joel positioned himself and bucked his hips so he was inside you, “Oh Fuck” he cried out and his head fell forward resting against your breasts. You could feel him hitting the right spot as he got into a rhythm and when he used his hand to tend to you clit, well you were crying out for him at that point. He asked you to cum for him, “I want to come for me baby” and when you did he responded “yes that’s it. Do I make you feel good?”, all you could do was nod and pant. When Joel was close to edge your instinct was to pull him closer and deeper inside you, you collapsed on top of his shoulder when you felt him tense. You stayed like that with each other for a few minutes, just breathing against each other and him still inside you. “You better keep fucking me like that when we get to our 20 year anniversary” you murmur against his shoulder and you both laugh for a long time about the joke but he also promised he would. 

You both are lying in bed a few hours later, you’re facing each other and Joel Asks what you are thinking about, “Nothing” you lie and ask what he is thinking about. “You” he smiles “and what’s going on inside that pretty head of yours”.

“I just - I just wonder how long it will take for her to forgive us. I miss her” you say trying to avoid Joel’s stare. 

“I don’t know Y/N but at least she is here in Jackson and she is safe” he brushes his rough fingers up and down your arm.

You don’t know why but you ask “You won’t ever leave here?”.

“Never” he says seriously and follows with “I promised I am planning on making love to you and sleeping next to you in this bed until I am an old man”.

You don’t say anything for a moment and then whisper “But Joel darling… you already are an old man”. 

“Why you cheeky -“ he laughs and begins to tickle at your sensitive spot above your hip, he makes good on his promise again that night. 

[magnumdays]

Magnum PI 2x19 “May the Best One Win”review AKA Fangirling over my new favorite episode

Staring off we got the whole Magnum introducing Higgy as his partner...or TC’s fiancee and TC being all “we cool man?” and Magnum saying what us fans were all screaming last week (Magnum: IT MAKES SO MUCH MORE SENSE IF SHE MARRIES ME! I WANT TO BE HER KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR DAMMIT!)

Then Higgy is all “If you are done fighting over me...” - I mean, just, yeah, throw that in there just to torment me some more.

We basically transitions right into Magnum suggesting a divorce lawyer for Higgy in case she and TC ever “hit a rough patch” and her being all “I’m marrying TC to make sure WHAT WE HAVE doesn't get FUCKED UP, can’t you see that?” (I’m paraphrasing but that was the gist of it) I just can’t with this. It’s like 2 minutes in and I’m like in shipper heaven.

Anyways, then we have the case! The let’s work both sides and make double the money and just the whole both spouses think the other is cheating but it’s all just a big misunderstanding and goodness, happiness and love wins in the end? It totally works for me. This is the kind of PI cases I WANT. Like not super serious people dying cases and shoot outs! People just being stupid and Magnum and Higgy helping uncover their secrets and then making everything better!

We also get the “May the Best PI win!” which I’ve been waiting for since we got the spoiler bit for this ages ago. 

So we got a side plot with Rick that I really- REALLY - like for once! Want to guess why? BECAUSE IT TIES INTO THE THEME! Like huh? They manged that for the first time since forever? 

Yeah, I’m shocked too. But someone really thought about this or they got really lucky by chance because;

First we got the married couple not communicating and about to lose their chance at a love and a happy future because of it. When all their secrets are out they can finally start to fix things and heal.

Secondly we got the woman whose dad dies and she tries not to care because they didn’t have contact for so long but when Rick goes looking he realizes her dad did care and he lost his chance at love because he didn’t communicate. Now she can hopefully heal from both the sadness of her dad leaving as a kid and being dead and be a little happier.

Then we maybe kind of have Higgy who by deciding to actually listing to what she’s feeling for once and deciding not to get married to TC for the wrong reason/ not wanting to live a lie (making it possible for her to find love and happiness with the right person in the future...)

I don’t know, maybe the Higgy one is reaching a bit but the main theme of we don’t know what we or other people are really feeling or thinking and we act anyway, that’s when we get in trouble pretty much work for everything.

Which is a really freaking great + it’s a good theme! It’s true but no so on the nose as something like ‘don’t lie’ or ‘love fixes everything’.

So yeah. Now back to the Miggy godness.

We got: 

married-not-married arguing

Kumu’s “The way you two bicker you might as well be married.”

I mean! Come on!

Then fun times with Higgy getting all the guys to do her bidding...and also actually paying for gas! I do hope this comes back in season 3 where Magnum realizes his pals actually deserves praise and compensation/ or them being all “we’re not helping unless you pay us like Higgy does”.

This could be a character growth kind of possibility arch, thingie, episode or whatever for next year.

The other arch for Thomas Magnum I really want to see in season 3 is the I’m FINE (but I’m not) one kind of lead to something (something bad). 

I know they’re going for a go-lucky kind of Magnum but fact is Magnum is a solider who spent time in a POW camp, he was betrayed by his ex-fiance, one of best friend got tortured and killed like not super long ago, his ex-fiance came back and shot him then came back again and died in his arms, his partner nearly drowned and he CPR her back to life, he thought he had a future with Abby but she dropped him like a hot potato and most recently he got swapped out of his (fake) wedding last minute, then fake wedding didn’t happen and he though he’d be separated from the love of his life his partner for an unknown amount of time and all he’s been saying is “I’m fine”. 

He’s got some baggage and having him always go I’M FINE isn’t really good or healthy because he isn’t fine. He doesn't have to be fine. Except when he acts like he’s not fine (like after Abby) everyone just tries to make him cheer-up when maybe he kind of needs to talk to someone about the kind of wacky stuff he’s been through. This is both something he and Higgy and even the guys need to work on. Basically it was only Gordon who was like, it’s rough, I’m here for you. I mean Higgy was there for him too, she just said “Staycation” a lot to make it not seem like she was because emotions, scary. 

Still I need like Magnum having nightmares about something and actually being all “I’m not fine” and for someone to go “okay. that’s fine. you don’t have to be okay all the time” (Oh this just screams at me to fanfic:it, but I just can’t start anymore of them without finishing a few. So bad thought, bad, go away.)

So, um where was I before I got sidetracked? Oh, right the general wonderfulness of the episode?

Gordon making Magnum say: I’m kinda useless without Higgins.

Then having Magnum take hacking lessons from like a 12 year old on Youtube and begging Kumu lie about having seen Higgins computer (how has he not gotten his own laptop yet???) 

I mean it’s almost not funny anymore (It is. It’s legit the most I’ve smiled in a while.)

“Maybe I’ll let the wife decide“ when buying pie and then bringing said pie back to Higgins. 

“There’s a hug and then there is a hug.”

(I needed this to be foreshadowing and IT WAS NOT! I still can’t hate it because she kind of agree there are different hugs and now I want all the hugs for them...or you know just one! ONE HUG!)

And winner of this round of random things I loved, might be: “You figure out I’d make a better fake husband than TC?”

Can you be more obvious Magnum?

Then Higgins saying “I do still need a maid of honor!” (which we know isn’t true because last week she said she’d asked Kumu but we’re assuming she’s saying it just to tease him). But this made me think of that move Made of Honor movie with Patrick Dempsey where the guy she asks to be her maid of honor is actually the guy she ends up really marrying... at some later point.

Also has anyone sounded more British than Higgy going; “Oh no not the pie.“ after Magnum was all; “I’m taking my pie with me!” 

Then we got my babies being sneaky and adorable and working together (because you know, even when they’re not on the same team, they are).

Then we got them kicking ass together (well more like getting their asses kicked) and only Higgy getting the gun saves them. But you know, that’s okay because I love it when she gets to be a bad-ass and knock people out. 

I do feel like we need to work a little more on the realism on how bruises work on pale people, especially girls. Because you know, Higgy got slammed into like a table and slapped and seriously has anyone been slammed into a table by a really big guy lately? Well, and let me tell you from experience, even being slammed into a table by a small guy leave a bruise. And no way would she not get a swollen eye or lip from a slap that spun her around and landed her on the floor. Do you know how hard you need to slap someone for that? I mean she’s tiny (she’s what 5′4? 1115 pounds soaking wet?) and the guy was big but, still in real life she wouldn’t even be getting up, she’d be out cold, but it’s TV-land so I’ll forgive it but still, wouldn’t a tiny bit of blood on her lip make sense?

It’s kind of strange because sometimes they seem to really like putting the blood and gooe make-up on both Perdita and Jay and other times it’s like, nope, nothing, we’re invincible vampires this episode.

For today I understand the why of it though. They wanted our babies to look pretty for the wedding. Well, the wedding that doesn't happen which we all knew but still... 

Before that though; TC planing on crying at his fake wedding? Adorable.

First of all how does she mange to look both stunning and terrified this whole scene? 

Look at her big eyes with the I’m about to cry shininess. Also the flower bits in her hair totally not her yet somehow totally works. 

I also love how when he first enters he stops and looks at her for a second, like Higgy in a wedding dress. I think I might have some feels. And come on Thomas, couldn’t you have told her she looks nice? You can clearly see she’s freaking. But no you go straight for the “fake nerves?” which I guess makes sense because maybe someone told you there was only 2.5 minutes left of the episode so there was no time for compliments...

Anyways, then comes the heartbreaking bit. Because she has changed her mind and isn’t going to marry TC (or him). She’s not going to marry anyone and she’ll have to leave him.

Leading us to the “Just fine.” moment I equally hate and love. 

Don’t they both kind of look like they’re about to cry here? I feel like that’s the general vibe, or maybe it was the fact that I was tearing up a bit when I first watched it that makes me feel like that...

And as always tumblr stole the stuff I wrote here! I wish I’d learn and could go one week without losing like a chunk of text.

So I was just basically saying I loved this but I’d much rather have had Magnum go “No, I won’t” (when she says he’ll be fine) and then have her be “yes you will” and then he could just be Shrug or go “I guess I’ll have to be” or something else dramatic to show it’s a big deal to him. Then next week we could have him be really trying hard to reach Robin instead of having it all just be fixed with one little phone call. Like maybe Robin is undercover for his new book so Magnum has to make some sort of deal with some shady person who works for Robin to get his undercover contact. Or something and that could come back in season 3 as an episode...

Wow, this got kind of long, but yeah, I just loved this episode and wanted to gush about it and probably I won’t gush (or even complain) as much about 2x20 so it’ll even out in length...