#but still there’s a lot to celebrate today

[just-watch-and-calculate]

ooh writing that is related to time loops but not conventional time loop narrative is interesting. the idea I have now is a bit of a different direction in terms of the underlying concept though

TW/CW: death (mentioned in the 2nd person, implied ending) (also a slight warning: the following is fiction written in the second person and is about being disoriented in spacetime, and about the existential dread from that; also I don't know how much other people get out of this without some rather specific physics knowledge)

---------------------------------

The rest of your life is ahead of you.

You get ready to end the day by waking up into the comforting embrace of sleep. This is the end of the day, right? Mind already— or still?— groggy, you are not sure. Faint recollections of today make themselves known in your mind. Recollections of one of the two ends of your life. Just whether it is the celebrated or grieved one you are not sure right now. At least you are headed away from it, right?

Thinking about that, you realize that you might be moving away from the moment you will(?) end he day by waking up. You are awake enough to notice that the phrasing of that sounds… off, somehow. The sun is still a bit away from setting— or is it rising right now? By definition the night ends with the sun rising and starts with it setting, so that is no help in figuring out which way is future and which way is past.

You remember somewhat how today went goes. And you remember a bit less clearly how tomorrow yesterday the closest day one night from now goes. That is a sign that the future is that way, right? That we know little enough about that temporal direction to think we have free will there.

But you know better than to think you truly have free will, don't you? You know that when you learn about it you are shocked. And you know that at some other point in time you are not shocked about it, at that point in time you accept that the universe is deterministic.¹

But will that be in the future, or has that been in the past? You hope that that is your future, because you remember enough to know that one direction is much longer than the other. Something goes went will go goes wrong today.

You realize that you should not have such clear memories of both past and future. Maybe that is why today has been— will be?— so confusing. You do know that it does make sense for it to be possible though: the direction of time is surprisingly ambiguous unless entropy is involved, so those memories do little to help.

Entropy! You remember: you can find out what direction is generally regarded as the future quite easily. You grab an ice cube. As you hold it you remember that you have(?) let it go right as your hand hurts slightly from the cold. It slides across the floor towards/away from you. Your hand is wet and cold from it. You know enough about entropy to know that the cube melted from holding it.

Which means that today is still mostly ahead of you. And then… nothing. Not the faintest recollection.

You feel cold panic. You are clinging on to the irrational, desperate hope that somehow you can change this. But you know that you can't. Shattered, disjointed recollections of today are burnt into you memory so much deeper than anything else.

Has some attempt to go back just reinforced fate instead? But that isn't how causality works. It shouldn't be. You hope you are not doomed already. You know you are.

Maybe— maybe your colleagues can help you. They've been working on this kind of thing for some distance time (but it's a lot less in time than what that length would be in space, isn't it?). Your research group is working with small controlled systems to better understand what time is. Most that you remember coming of that research so far only has potential for some parlor tricks, but that can change, even on such a short notice, right? (Hah! 'Short' notice, as if we all already know that time and space are not that different.)

There it is again, that irrational thought that somehow the universe doesn't work as you know it does. That things you know cannot be changed, things you know you cannot change, could be changed.

You stand at the bus stop. Why would you have to wait there if you know the bus has arrived early at its destination will be late at the bus stop?

You are on the bus. You just look out of the window disinterestedly, watching the world go by, letting distance pass like time. Is the bus driving forwards or backwards? Are you headed towards your end or away from it? In any case, part of what has you so disinterested in the bus ride is that you know it is uneventful. You have already ridden here from one of the stops you got on/off the bus at and remember that part of the drive. You also remember the other part from/to the other stop you will get on/off the bus at.

You arrive at the laboratory. "Good morning!" you respond. "Morning!" is the answer you receive from the only other person currently at the lab. You can't shake the feeling you should've responded with 'bye'.

You look at the current setup: two almost identical experiments that can run simultaneously — except one of them has opposite charges and is mirrored. And most important of all, one of them starts as the other ends — one of them is backwards. And you truly do not know which one that is anymore. (Anymore? Or will you just come to learn it later?)

It looks different from the other times you see it. "Hey, could you check my calculations? Something's not adding up, I've found a configuration where I don't know where some of the energy comes from" your colleague asks. "It's just, trying to figure it out has kept me up all night. I'd really appreciate a second pair of eyes on this."

You consider what she says: 'all night', not 'all day'. That clears up how she perceives time. It does not fix how you do though.

You remember what is written on the piece of paper she hands you as you first read it. And she is right, it should all add up, it just somehow doesn't. It is as if the Formulas just 'know' that something will be there to fix things. And if not, who knows what would happen. You would rather not know. With a sigh you say "Whatever is wrong with that calculation, I can't spot it either."

"It's alright, I already modified our setup to test this. Want to give it a try?" she responds. Not waiting for your answer in her eagerness to learn she fiddles with the controls of the experiment.

You run between her and the experimental setup. You suddenly know where the extra energy is: with you, somehow. The setup is currently powering up/down. You have to do something or you really will risk finding out how the universe deals with mathematical inconsistencies.

She calls your name, voice full of worry. You are in the experiment room. The setup is powered. You know what fate lurks here. You want to leave this room so badly.

It is too late. Your path through spacetime is not exactly subject to causality — it kind of is causality. Your path through spacetime is not something you have carved out. It just is. And here it leads you. And one of its ends is here.

You want just one more day.

The last, or perhaps the first thing you know is just how wrong you still were about how time works.

_____ ¹ I'm too much of a nerd to completely gloss over quantum randomness possibly not being deterministic, but for the purposes of this story it can be ignored.

I love time loop stories. Really, I do.

But I'd love to see a story about what happens after you emerge from the time loop.

When, after months or years of repetition, you have to learn how to live with a choice you can't redo tomorrow.

When you meet someone new for the first time and have to figure out how to navigate this brand new conversation.

When you reach for the same day's clothes and realize that you can't wear them because they got dirty. Your laundry, your dishes, your body, your teeth, all the tasks that reset with the loop are suddenly stacking up and you need to set aside time to do them.

When you reach that first weekend and your schedule radically shifts and you don't know what to do with yourself, which is terrifying but also exhilarating in ways you can't explain.

When you casually drop facts learned from those books you spent a dozen loops reading, and you realize you retained something worth keeping.

How your memory gets weirdly good all of a sudden, despite not having all that repetition to fall back on, because suddenly every experience is fresh and new.

And when the seasons change, and your hair grows long enough that you want to cut it, and when you realize it's shocking because you didn't think you'd ever see something as incredible as the passage of time.

[insomniakisses]

I demand a hc for CC turning into a mature alpha today 🤠

Alpha Cait Turns 23 HCs

Warning/Notes: Alpha!Caitlin, Talks of Ruts, Sexual content, MINORS DNI, knotting, P in V sex, Creampies, pregnancy talk? Pup = Baby, general omegaverse stuff

You guys went out the night before to celebrate

Knowing that tomorrow she would have the most INTENSE and mind shattering rut

Thats just what happens when an alpha turns 23 and ages up from being a young alpha to a mature one

It’s a cute dinner date and then you guys come home to watch a movie

You have snacks, Cuddle and just get all loved up under the blankets in bed till you decide to get ready for bed

You make sure theres water on the side table and every other supply you would need because you’re not going to be able to get it once her rut starts.

You do the nightly routine of applying her happy trail cream and giving it gentle rubs

You were Low-key very much high-key emotional that you wouldn’t be doing that anymore now she’s maturing.

Yall sleep naked so it’ll be easier for her when she wakes up

You’re still fast asleep when she wakes up

She wakes up that morning and shes so so sore

Her Body is achey, her dicks rock hard and leaking pre-cum and She’s burning up.

She just whines and turns over reaching for you

When she gets a grip on you she just man handles you into a mating press and pushes in moaning because your such a good omega always so wet for her when she needs you

The whole week and a half is just SEX SEX SEX SEX

She fucks you in every damn position

All over the damn house

Just filling you again and again and again with her cum

You’re covered in bruises, hickeys and bites and shes covered in scratches and hickeys. Maybe a bite or too

You have a permanent cum bulge

Shes fucking you so so so so deep

But shes still trying to go deeper

Her tip kisses your god damn cervix with every thrust, her having found the perfect position to make you take every inch of her

But its not enough

No, she needs to be DEEP

It takes a rough pace, A LOT of growling and you being a compliant little slut for her to get what she wants

And thats pushing into your cervix cumming into your fucking womb

Shes just growling and marking you up moaning about getting you pregnant, and how fucking good you’ll look all round with her pups.

Shes knotting you over and over and over

Both of you so fucked out and needy

Way past overstimulation

She doesn’t even wait for her knot to de-swell completely

Just enough for her to be able to move and shes thrusting again

Even when knotted she will be giving soft shallow thrusts.

When it finally does catch and she can smell that you’re pregnant her rut fazes out.

Shes just collapsed on you the both of you half passed out.

You guys SLEEP after that

But now you have a soft soft cuddlebug alpha who’s just such a baby and wants to pamper you as you grow her pup.

[shayewrites]

☆ 22 wishes, 22 bots! ☆

today’s the day! 22 years old! to celebrate, i have complied 22 bots of all of your requests. i know i’ve slowed down on making them since starting my career, but i still love making these bots for you all! come celebrate with me today by chatting with a fictional character for just a moment :)

☆ Attack on Titan ☆

Levi Ackerman

✘| levi thinks he’s ruined your birthday

✘| “i need you” - levi yearns for you

✘| levi’s little civvie - a civilian cafe owner catches levi’s attention

✘| mind and heart at war - marleyan levi struggles between his duty and his desire to keep you safe

✘| the governor’s heir visits the underground - old money x underground levi

✘| the first “i love you” - levi accidentally says he loves you

✘| “ma chèrie, there’s much to learn” - in which you have a lot to learn about your husband

✘| sometimes sorry isn’t enough - levi notifies you of a sibling’s death in battle

✘| he’s your trainer for dauntless initiation - divergent au

Erwin Smith

✘| the king and his newly betrothed - royalty au where erwin and the user become betrothed to save their kingdoms

☆ Love and Deepspace ☆

Sylus and Zayne

✘| date mistake -you forgot you invited both sylus and zayne over on the same day…

☆ Fourth Wing ☆

Xaden Riorson

✘| your squad leader teaches you to fight - second-year xaden x first year user

✘| xaden has to leave for the front lines

Dain Aetos

✘| “i thought i’d lost you.”

✘| deceptive kisses - dain has been reading your mind everyday

☆ A Court of Thorns and Roses ☆

Azriel

✘| a not-so silent night at the House of Wind

note: i know i’m a few shy of 22. i’m still working on them! i’ll make a separate post for the last few. i think i caught a bit of a burnout as i was making them. thank you for your patience! (the last 6 are nsfw which makes it harder on me to write and keep them from being flagged by c.ai). love you all!! 🩵🫶🏻🤍

[crescenthistory]

OMG CONGRATS ON 2K!!!! I hope I get to see 20k because you absolutely deserve it! May I request a Roommate au with Barty crouch please!!

THANK YOUUUUU BUBS you're so sweet!!! the way i saw the vision for this INSTANTLY omg thank you for participating mwah<33

✶・•・✦・•・✶・✶・•・✦・•・✶

i will ARGUE for prompt 12 "roommate au" with barty crouch jr.

carina's 2k celebration

✶・•・✦・•・✶・✶・•・✦・•・✶

cw: pre-relationship, reference to crouch senior, cursing, physical affection & wc: 1.1k

You always knew when Barty came home.

Whether it was because he didn't realise how loud he was being or because he frankly didn't care, you weren't entirely certain yet. All you knew was that this boy you met through mutual friends when you were in the middle of a housing crisis entered into his flat as if he was escaping a war zone. Door slammed both as he opened and closed it, boots flying into walls as he kicked them off, jacket accidentally knocking the shoe horn over every day, followed by a loud curse. It did not matter if he was on top of the moon, down in the valley or completely neutral – Barty would always be loud.

It brought you a lot of grief when you first moved in together, though, to be fair, Dorcas had warned you. You still remember her exact phrasing: “I wouldn’t have subjected you to him unless I knew you needed it and could handle it.”

If you waved her off for being dramatic, then that was simply on you.

Though, you learned quickly that Barty wasn’t a terrible roommate. Apart from the major peak, which was that he was renting you one of his several vacant bedrooms in a surprisingly sizable flat in the middle of London for next to nothing, he was a rather supportive and democratic roommate. Anything he bought for the kitchen or bathroom was “free for all” as he called it, he loved handling all the stressful phone calls for maintenance or billing because he got to argue with someone for an hour and on his insisted weekly movie-nights, he let you choose almost every single time. Thus; a relatively good roommate. Not necessarily a sweet one, but you would never demand that from a stranger anyway. 

And you kept insisting that you and Barty were still strangers.

A voice in your head pointed out how contradictory that was, because when Barty entered the flat today in his usual loud manner, you could pick up that something was wrong.

You had been lounging on the settee for the past hour with a book and some neglected homework, not at all waiting for him to come home. At the sound of his entry, you stiffened in your seat, sitting up and closing your book over your fingers as concern began etching itself into your expression with a knife.

“Barty?” you called uncertainly, putting one foot down onto the floor.

He rounded the corner with his bag flung over his slumped shoulders and let out a – also loud – huff. The handsome features of his face were dragged out as the skin seemed to melt off of his face in exhaustion, yet all of his muscles seemed to be tense, holding on.

Immediately upon entering the room, Barty’s eyes met yours and seemed to melt a little. “Dragă, you won’t believe the bloody day I’ve had.”

You opened your mouth to reply, but Barty was already moving across the room, dropping his bag haphazardly on a chair and yanking off his sweater in one not-at-all-distracting move before throwing it onto the back of the sofa opposite you. 

As he walked, he seemed to relay his unbelievable day to you, worries all flowing from him with minimal hindrance. Your eyes remained thoughtfully furrowed and your attention pinned on him for reasons you chose not to investigate.

“My boss has got corporate’s boot on his neck once again and the fucker is taking it out on me, trying to criticise my paperwork when I move through twice the amount of cases as any of his other top workers.” He’s opening the fridge to grab a bottle of water, chugging it all in one go before he continued – that’s another thing you’ve noticed about Barty, he has remarkable control of his body and is able to open his throat to down pretty much any drink within seconds. 

“And then Regulus and fucking Potter – you know him, right, annoying smiley bloke? Anyway, Regulus and fucking Potter are quite literally fucking and it’s the most despicable thing I’ve seen, almost making me lose my lunch anytime we’re in the same room together.” He’s walking towards you know, making a beeline towards the other side of your settee.

“Not to mention my father won’t fucking leave me alone, he has been calling me nonstop, I’m talking – and I swear to gods, I am not exaggerating at all Dragă – over twelve times today already. And I know it’s nothing serious, which makes it all the more infuriating–”

As Barty carries on, he plops down on the seat beside you, gesturing with his hands and distracted in his animated rant. You’ve put your book aside on the coffee table and move to angle yourself towards him to fully focus on what he has to say, when he beats you to it. Barty turns around in his seat to lay down across the settee to place his head in your lap. His left leg is slung over the back of the sofa while the other is sprawled out onto the floor, arms still gesturing wildly as he gets comfortable on the plush of your thighs.

“– he’s just trying to get a rise out of me, I know it so bloody well, and he’s still fucking successful–”

Your roommate of a few months who you still tell yourself is more or less a stranger despite knowing him well enough to understand every aspect of his current rambling has laid his head in your lap as you talk.

It felt oddly right.

Partly without thinking and partly because where else do you put your fucking hands, you let your right hair come down to comb through his hair that is slightly humid from the January mist outside. His contrasting strands of black and acid green get all mixed up at the movement, but more importantly, his face took on a calmer look.

He glanced up at you through his thick eyelashes, words dying on his lips as if he was just now seeing you and catching up with his own movements.

You can’t help the small smile that takes over your features. “Sounds like a rough day.” 

He nodded his head in your grasp, his heterochromic eyes slightly glazed over as they stared up into yours. “Yeah,” he said, voice hoarse. “Rough day. Better now though.”

You tilted your head sideways. “Yeah?”

A slow smile began to emerge. “Yeah.”

[dorkyteenagedirtbag-ks]

Synopsis: Kaiser’s dream of glory comes true, but his victory feels hollow.

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

The energy in the stadium was electric; people were crazy. The crowd was roaring for Kaiser. The lights shone bright, and the chants of his name echoed, everything felt surreal. Football was his life, his savior, his everything. But as he stood there, triumphant and soaked in sweat, a weight settled in his chest like never before.

The locker room was filled with excitement, but Kaiser sat quietly in a corner, a towel draped over his head, lost in thought. His mind was elsewhere.

It had been weeks since he'd last seen his lover, (Y/N).

(Y/N), a man who once was his silent shelter against the world's noise, his refuge. A touch from him, his smile, or even a look into his eyes were capable of drawing Kaiser from all turmoil within himself back into a tranquil lake. From the moment he began with nothing, the beginning, in itself-he'd seen him work so hard and struggle. And all through it, during every fall and after, even at moments when he'd wonder what everything was about, he'd have Y/N beside him.

But he wasn't here now.

The argument was still echoing in Kaiser's ears, louder than the cheers surrounding him. It had happened a week before the semifinals, a time when they should have been celebrating one of his biggest wins; instead, they were at each other's throats, saying words sharper than they wanted to.

"You're never here, Kaiser," Y/N had said shaking. "You keep talking of the future, about 'one day,' yet it's the same. Constantly football and always something big and more important than me. You just don't see me in that future you are talking of."

"That's not fair," Kaiser had snapped, on the defense. "You knew what this was about when you began dating me. This is my dream, (Y/N). You should get that. You more than anyone else should understand!"

"I get it!" Y/N had shouted, tears welled in his eyes. "But what about my dreams? What about us? What about my feelings? Are we just something you fit in in the cracks between the matches and training sessions?"

 

Kaiser had gone quiet, unable to answer.

"I can't keep doing this," he'd murmured, the anger sizzling out into exhaustion. "I can't keep being your second choice. I can't keep being the one you seek only when you're not shining on the field."

Kaiser wanted to say something-he really wanted to assure (Y/N) that things would be different, that things would change. But the words got caught in his throat, entangled in a truth he couldn't face. Football did come first. It had to. It was his dream, after all. A part of his everything.

(Y/N) had walked away that night, his absence louder than anything he could have said.

Now, sitting in the locker room, Kaiser felt that absence weighing down on him like a rock. He pulled out his phone, scrolling through the unanswered texts he had sent to him. Each one was a little more desperate than the last.

Please, talk to me.

I didn't mean for it to be like this.

I need you, (Y/N).

But (Y/N) didn't answer.

A hand clapped Kaiser on the shoulder, jerking him back to the present. It was Noel Noa. "Press is waiting for you, Kaiser."

Kaiser nodded slowly, still in a haze. Standing up and plastering on a smile that felt fake, he went to talk to them. Everything felt like a lie today.

The press conference was a blur as reporters bombarded him with questions about his goal, the team's strategy, and his future. Kaiser answered like a robot, his mind elsewhere, somewhere with Y/N.

Later, standing alone in the parking lot, the night was eerily quiet. It was almost like the world was taunting his loud mind. He made one last call. It rang endlessly, and just when Kaiser thought it would go to voicemail again, (Y/N) finally answered.

“Kaiser,” (Y/N)’s voice sounded tired and distant.

“I won,” Kaiser said, his voice shaky. “We’re heading to the finals.”

There was an uneasy silence that lasted for what felt like hours. "Congratulations" a soft reply was muttered by (Y/N).

Kaiser's eyes screwed shut because this pain he was feeling had very almost reached its maximum threshold. "I wish you were here."

"I cannot be," responded Y/N. "I can't keep looking at you when you're not even gazing at me."

Kaiser's throat lumped. "It's not like this; to me, you're everything."

"But not enough," he cut in. "Not enough to be first for you. Maybe we weren't meant to be after all."

Kaiser was wordless. "I hope you win," (Y/N) said with a soft tone, and the call ended.

The silence hung between them, heavy and final.

He was there for quite a while-the stadium sounds diminished, the ache in his chest not going away, reminding him of what he'd lost.

Kaiser lowered his phone, staring at the screen as if it could somehow bring back Y/N. But it didn't.

In the end, Kaiser had chosen football. And it had cost him the one thing he could never get back.

And maybe, maybe after all Y/N was a part of his everything, but it was too late.

- 𝐊𝐒

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Andrew Doyle

Published: Jan 21, 2025

Day one. It’s already started. ‘Elon Musk appears to make back-to-back fascist salutes at inauguration rally’ claims the Guardian. ‘Elon Musk accused of giving “Nazi salute” at Trump inauguration celebration’ says the Independent. The activist media are positively priapic with glee that Donald Trump’s most powerful ally just publicly endorsed Hitler live at his inauguration. Except of course that didn’t happen. And we know it didn’t happen because we do not have cabbages for heads. Let’s just hypothetically suppose for one moment that Musk is a clandestine fascist, one so ingenious and Machiavellian that he has managed to inveigle his way into the White House and is now poised to initiate the Fourth Reich. Does any sentient human being suppose for one moment that such an evil genius would now accidentally reveal his scheme to millions of people live on television?

Nobody believes this, of course. Or if they do, they should be supervised at all times, especially around cutlery. That goes for Rex Huppke at USA Today, who has published a piece entitled ‘Elon Musk’s “odd-looking” salute sure looked like a “Sieg heil” to me’. Perhaps it does. But I could have sworn that I saw the face of David Hasselhoff in my spinach frittata yesterday, and yet I’m pretty sure that’ll be the old pareidolia playing tricks on me again. If I were as literal-minded as Huppke, I’d probably assume that The Hoff had actually found a way to invade my breakfast and call an exorcist or something.

Within an hour of Huppke’s article being posted online, the following note was appended: ‘This column was updated to add new information’. God knows what defamatory nonsense that hit-piece contained before I got around to reading it. The media class still hasn’t quite grasped that falsely smearing someone as a Nazi is libellous, and that perhaps someone like Musk has the financial means to do something about it. (Also at the end of the article we have this little nugget: ‘Follow USA Today columnist Rex Huppke on Bluesky’. That explains quite a lot.)

I’m starting to think that avoiding libel should be included on the first day of any basic journalism course, given how often we see media outlets posting lies and then having to frantically apologise for it. And while they’re at it, the course should probably also include a session on why male rapists, paedophiles and murderers shouldn’t be referred to as ‘she’ and ‘her’. Just a thought.

While I would usually be prepared to concede that Huppke might just be as simple-minded as he seems, there’s something about his article that suggests otherwise. If he genuinely believed that Musk was giving a Nazi salute, why did he have to misrepresent the story? Not once in his piece does Huppke mention the context for the admittedly ill-advised gesture. Musk said to the audience, ‘my heart goes out to you’, which is why he struck his heart and mimed throwing it out to the crowd. He then turned and did it again, and the meaning is perfectly clear when the clip is seen in its entirety:

Now look at the clip that was being shared online by Musk’s detractors.

We have seen this kind of dishonesty so often, and it simply never works. The internet has certainly enabled the media to spread this misleadingly edited clip, but it also enables us to check its authenticity. And when people release that they have been lied to, the inevitable outcome is resentment. This is why throwing the word ‘Nazi’ around as though it has no meaning other than ‘someone I vaguely dislike’ is not an endearing or astute way to behave.

Naturally, Democratic politicians have been quick to exploit the situation as much as the press. Jerry Nadler, Representative for the 12th District of New York, jumped on to X to post his verdict:

‘I never imagined we would see the day when what appears to be a Heil Hitler salute would be made behind the Presidential seal. This abhorrent gesture has no place in our society and belongs in the darkest chapters of human history. I urge all of my colleagues to unite in condemning this hateful gesture for what it is: antisemitism.’

Thankfully, there have been some voices of reason. The Anti-Defamation League put out a sensible statement in an effort to subdue all the frenzied mutual masturbation of the Bluesky clan:

‘It seems that Elon Musk made an awkward gesture in a moment of enthusiasm, not a Nazi salute, but again, we appreciate that people are on edge. In this moment, all sides should give one another a bit of grace, perhaps even the benefit of the doubt, and take a breath.’

Musk and Trump have their political opponents; that much is obvious and all for the good. But given all the histrionic hogwash about ‘Nazis’ and ‘fascists’ during the run-up to the last election, I was hoping they might have all grown up a little. As I say, it’s absolutely clear that this strategy is wholly ineffective. The public are capable of reading history books. They understand that Nazis generally don’t pay visits to Auschwitz to learn about the horrors of the Holocaust and lay wreaths at memorial services there, as Musk did last year. They also are unlikely to be seen dancing to ‘YMCA’ with the Village People.

So once more for the hard of thinking in the media: calling people Nazis doesn’t work anymore. It’s not only unethical, it virtually guarantees that the very people you don’t want to be in power will win their elections. By all means, criticise Musk and Trump as much as you like. Those in power must be criticised; it’s essential for any functioning democracy. But lying about them and smearing them as fascists only lets the public know that you’re not to be trusted.

--

==

It's all so fucking tedious.

You don't hate legacy media enough. You think you do, but you don't.

[the-blind-assassin-12]

Unbirthday

A/N: Although I am now two entire weeks late (I am the actual worst) this was written as a birthday gift for @something-tofightfor, because she is the fucking best and I love her guts. Rachael, I hope you enjoy this silly little story. Since Frankie Morales is apparently a "fictional character" and isn't "real" I couldn't wrap him up and send him to you, so this was the best I could do. Sorry it became an unbirthday gift - but it sort of works with the story that way. Anywho, here's hoping that this trip around the sun is a GOOD one!

And if it's your unbirthday today, happy unbirthday to you, too!

Word Count: 6.2k

Warnings: alcohol, and Frankie's shoulders and back making a shirt work very hard.

Summary: Spending your birthday in a brand new city goes from zero to sixty thanks to a co-worker who is determined to become a friend... and thanks to the breathtakingly handsome guy she introduces you to.

You had only been at your new job for a few weeks when your birthday rolled around, so when you walked into your office and flicked the lights on that morning, you were shocked to find a balloon tied to your chair and a white bakery box holding an assortment of cupcakes atop your desk. 

What? Who did th-

“Surprise!” 

You spun around to see a handful of your co-workers gathered in the doorway behind you, bright smiles on their faces as they wished you a happy birthday. 

“Oh, shit!” You let out a laugh as your hand came up to cover your mouth, prompting more laughs from the others. 

This is so nice, I wasn’t... Despite the fact that on your very first day at the firm, the office had been celebrating someone else’s birthday, you hadn’t expected anything for yours. Because I’m still brand new here, they hardly know me. You got along well almost immediately with the people you worked with, which was fantastic. Still, the fact that they embraced you quickly enough that they would want to do something for your birthday came as a genuine surprise that gave you a small rush of warmth. 

Not that you needed it. January in Tampa was certainly not January in the midwest. You hadn’t felt a chill since you took the transfer, a fact that you made sure to text your shivering friends back home every few days. But even though it was a balmy 68°F and you were wearing short sleeves under your light sweater, the added warmth of your colleagues’ kindness was more than welcome.  

Dropping your hand, you beamed at the group which had grown by two more associates from the interior architecture department down the hall, Mel and Casey. “Thank you all so much! You guys really didn’t have to do anything at all. I-” 

“Oh, stuff it, of course we did!” Gloria, whose office shared a glass partition with yours and with whom you traded exaggerated expressions while on client calls, stepped forward and threw her arms around you. “You’re the best transfer this office has ever had, we lucked out when we got you! Of course we’re going to celebrate your birthday.” 

You chuckled, giving her a quick, loose hug in return. “Gloria, did you do this? Also, weren’t you a transfer from the New York office?” 

“I was. Like I said,” she released you and stepped back, grinning. “You’re the best transfer we’ve had. Happy birthday, Ohio.” 

The rest of the group called out individual well-wishes before filing back to their own offices and cubicles, leaving just you and Gloria.

“Thank you,” you said again, reaching out to quickly squeeze her arm. “It really means a lot to me.” You sighed, finally putting down your bag and shrugging off your sweater. “I’ve been loving living down here, but the past few days, I don’t know, I guess I’ve been a little homesick. I don’t usually do a ton for my birthday, but this is the first one where I won’t see any of my family or my friends from back home so…” You gestured to the bakery box sitting next to your keyboard. “This was just really nice of you.” 

“You’re welcome.” She scrunched her nose. “Thanks for being ten thousand times better to work with than that dipshit you replaced, Kevin.” 

You snorted. Though you’d never had the displeasure of meeting the notorious Kevin, you’d heard enough about him to know that his presence in the office was definitely not missed. “No problem, though from what I understand it’s a very low bar.” 

“Which you leap over with the ease and grace of a…” She circled her hand through the air. “A… Oh, I don’t know, whatever the hell leaps gracefully. I’m a landscape architect, not a poet.” 

That made you laugh again. “Speaking of which,” you pointed at your computer screen. “Are you ready for that conference call with the city planner? J.R. approved our designs, so-” 

“Yeah, yeah,” she cut you off, nodding. “All set. Designs for the new park. Not looking forward to dealing with Sweetheart McGee, but-” You rolled your eyes as she used the nickname you’d given to one of the men you’d been working with from the city planner’s office who called the to of you “sweetheart” every time you’d spoken to him. “But it should be a smooth call. More importantly, though-” 

You had a sneaking suspicion that whatever was coming next wasn’t, in fact, more important than the biggest project that the landscape department had in house at the moment. Gloria had a tendency to use the phrase “More importantly, though…” to segue into a conversation about whether or not you wanted to get coffee delivered or which shoes you thought she should wear to her cousin’s wedding or if you thought Greg from IT was cute or not because she could totally set you up with him if you did.

And you were proven right as she finished her sentence. 

“Do you have plans tonight?” 

Shrugging, you shook your head. “Nah. I’ll probably just order in and finally finish unpacking the last of my stuff from the move. There’s a sushi place around the corner from me that I’ve been meaning to try, so… Why are you looking at me like that?” 

The way she was looking at you was a mix of the way you might look at the last puppy in the window at the pet store, combined with the confusion one might display while trying to solve an extremely advanced math equation. 

“Because you cannot just go home and eat sushi by yourself on your birthday.” She held up her hand then, face returning to a neutral expression. “Unless that’s actually what you want to do. And if it is, I won’t judge.” But? “Buuuuut.” She pressed her lips together. “If you want to get out and do something fun? 

You cocked your head to the side. Maybe. There was no harm in seeing what she had in mind. If it wasn’t your speed you still had your backup plan. And I should really get that shit unpacked, but… It doesn’t have to be tonight. “What are you suggesting?”

Gloria’s eyes lit up as you asked, her smile widening. “Well, Benny’s… You met my boyfriend, Benny, last week when he picked me up, remember?” You did, so you nodded. “It’s actually one of his and his brother’s friends’ birthday today, too, or, it was yesterday, but they’re going out tonight because one of them was working last night I think? I don’t know. My point is, it’s just going to be a casual thing down at Duffy’s, and if you want to join, you absolutely should.”

You were about to decline when you asked yourself why you shouldn’t go. 

First of all, you seemed to be on the fast track for an out of office friendship with Gloria. The two of you clicked right away, and though you’d only spent time with her out of work once, you could easily see it happening more and more. And I want that. You had solid friendships back home and scattered far and wide, and those people meant the world to you. But you would be lying to yourself if you said you didn’t want to form a few friendships in your new home, too. 

There was also the fact that the bar she’d mentioned, Duffy’s, was only a few miles from your place. It was actually where you and your sister went for drinks after she helped you move the last of your things into your condo. She’d driven down with you to keep you company on the trip, then taken a flight back home. But before she did, the two of you spent a day exploring your new neighborhood and ended up at Duffy’s. Though you were excited about your new job and the new start in a new place, you were still a little unsure if you’d made the right decision. But when you walked into the well-loved and weathered beach bar that night, something told you that everything was going to work out just as it should. 

And if for some reason that harmonious feeling you got upon entering Duffy’s was a one time thing, you could leave and be home in under eight minutes. And tomorrow’s Saturday, so… Fuck it. 

“You know what?” You nodded, a grin curving up your cheek. “That sounds great, Gloria.” 

She let out a small gasp and clapped her palms together once. “You’ll come?” 

“Yeah.” You nodded again, your grin growing into a full blown smile. “What time?” 

 “Ah! I’m so happy!” She genuinely was, and it made you feel good to know that she was looking forward to getting to know you outside of work. “I think Benny said nine, but I’ll ask him to be sure and then get back to you.” She clapped her hands together again and sucked in a breath as though something just occurred to her. “Oh! And you’ll get to meet Yovanna! I told you about her I think? Anyway, she’s dating Santi, one of the guys in the group. She’s great, you’ll like her.” Gloria chuckled. “And she’ll like you, too.” 

“I hope so!” And if not or if it’s awkward because they’re friends and I’m new… I can just go. 

“No, she will, trust me.” Gloria furrowed her brow and nodded. “You two are actually pretty similar.” She smirked. “You don’t take shit and neither does she.” The slightest hint of mischief sparkled in her eyes as another thing dawned on her. “Wait, two of the guys are very single right now and one of them-” You were trying to stop her right there because you weren’t looking for a setup, but she didn’t let you, simply speaking just a touch louder so all you could do was laugh. “One of them is Benny’s brother, and the other is-” 

You finally got her to stop by waving your arms and forming them into an X shape, still laughing. “Gloria. Stop. I’ll come out because it sounds fun. But I’m not looking for a matchmaker.” 

She held up her hands in surrender, a sheepish smile in place. “Fine. I’m just trying to give you all the information ahead of time.” She winked. “Just in case.” 

“Okay.” You winked back, giving her a thumbs up. “Consider me briefed.” 

Before Gloria could say anything else, Mel’s voice came through the speaker on your desk phone, saying your name. You pressed the button that let you respond. “What’s up, Mel?” 

“Brandon Grant from the city planner’s office is on line one for the conference call with you and Gloria.” From across the room you heard Gloria groan, then looked up to watch her mouth “Sweetheart McGee already?” with a sickly frown on her face, and you had to close your eyes and cover your mouth so you wouldn’t snort into the speaker. “Can I put him through?” 

You cleared your throat and shot Gloria a look. “Can you just give me one minute before you put him on? Tell him I’m on the other line, just so I can log in and get the project files open and get situated.” 

“No problem,” Mel answered. “He’s early, anyway. Just buzz me back when you’re ready.” 

Thanking Mel, you clicked the button to end the call and then let your hands fall against your lap as you faced Gloria. “Alright, you ready to get this over with?” 

“We are really going to deserve those drinks after dealing with this guy.” She sighed, then headed for the door, only to appear a second later on the other side of the glass wall. She sat at her desk and started up her computer, then looked over at you and nodded once. 

You buzzed Mel back and then you were on the line with Brandon Grant, the man stepping right into his nickname upon greeting. 

“Good morning, sweetheart, how you doing today?” 

You cringed, forcing a smile into your voice as you answered. “Oh, you know! Another day in paradise! Are you ready to go over the landscape designs for the new park?” 

For the next hour you and Gloria took Brandon through the possible layouts, explaining why certain plants and elements were chosen, and answering all of his questions while simultaneously keeping a count of how many times he referred to either of you as “sweetheart”. By the time you hung up, the count had reached twelve and he’d thrown in a “hun” as a bonus. 

We definitely deserve those drinks tonight.

But even though he was a pain in the ass to deal with, Sweetheart McGee has chosen one of the three designs you’d proposed, and as long as it was approved by the city council, it would be your first project to move into construction since switching locations. Which is pretty cool. 

You sighed, leaning back in your desk chair as you peeled the paper off of one of the cupcakes from the box your co-workers had left you, reading over your calendar to see what was next on your schedule. Taking a bite, you hummed in satisfaction. Damn, that’s good. 

It was only ten in the morning, but it was already proving to be a better birthday than you hoped for. As much as you tried to focus on work for the rest of the day, you couldn’t help but feel excitement about the prospect of going out later that night. 

Because… It means I could really have a life here. Not just a job. Friends and good times and… You really didn’t want Gloria to try to set you up with anyone. But if it happened naturally? 

Well, if that were the case, you’d be open to anything. 

Sometime after your lunch break, Gloria heard back from Benny and confirmed the time with you, the woman insisting that you let them pick you up despite your protests about how close the bar was to your place. 

“You really don’t have to do that,” You tried one last time. “I don’t mind driving myself, and I don’t want to intrude on your date night or anything.” 

Gloria waved you off and clicked her tongue. “It’s not date night, it’s birthday drinks with friends. I promise you Benny doesn’t mind, and I definitely don’t.” 

Oh, what the hell? It was clear that Gloria was trying to make sure that you felt included, even though you wouldn’t know anyone there aside from her and her boyfriend, whom you’d only exchanged a few words with. You appreciated how welcoming and inviting she was, and knew that she meant well, having been new to the area herself only a year earlier. I can still call an Uber if I have to leave early, and that way I don’t have to worry about having more than two drinks. 

“Okay,” you said, finally giving in with a sigh full of faux exasperation that turned into a laugh. “You win!” You told her that you would text her your address, and then Mel was calling you through the intercom, letting you know that another of your clients was waiting on line one. 

“And I have Annie Fulton from Florida Polytechnic on line two for Gloria,” Mel added. “So if you could tell her to leave you alone and get back to her own desk that would be swell.”

Snorting out a laugh, you looked over at the co-worker who was quickly becoming a friend, only to find that she was laughing, too. “Well,” you said, “You heard Mel. Get out of here.” 

“Alright, alright, I’m going.” She backed out the door, calling out one last thing before she was visible on the other side of the glass wall again. “Can’t wait for later!” 

As you prepped the files for your next call, you realized that you couldn’t wait for later, either.

– – – 

Pope and Yovanna were just getting out of their car when Frankie turned into the lot at Duffy’s, his truck’s headlights sweeping across the other parked cars to reveal that both Millers, as well as a few guys he worked with down at the airfield, were already inside. 

Gang’s all here, I guess. 

He pulled into the spot next to Pope, the other man waving at him through the windshield, his free arm wrapped around Yovanna’s waist. She waved, too, giving him a smile that brightened her whole face. Turning off the ignition, he waved in return, then glanced at his reflection in the rearview mirror, removing his hat and smoothing his hair down before yanking it back down over his curls. 

Good enough. Not trying to impress anyone anyway. 

As soon as he opened his door, he was greeted by Pope’s voice. “Ahí está el viejo!” 

Before Frankie could respond, Yovanna smacked Santi on the arm. “And who are you calling old, hmm? Estás pisándole sus talones.” Frankie laughed at that, reaching past Pope to give Yovanna a hug first. “Happy Birthday, Francisco,” she said, kissing him on the cheek and giving him a squeeze. 

“Thank you,” he replied, grinning at her as they separated. He turned to face his friend then, giving him a nod. “And she’s right, pendejo. You’re catching up. If I’m old, what does that make you?” 

“Still younger than you,” Pope responded with a chuckle, slapping Frankie’s back before slinging an arm around him. 

“Yeah, yeah, alright,” Frankie rolled his eyes. “C’mon, let’s get inside before Benjamin comes looking for us.” 

The night out was happening at Benny’s insistence. Up until two days earlier, Frankie had no birthday plans and he had been just fine with that. Forty three wasn’t exactly a major milestone. And with the way things had only just started to really settle following their return from South America - the reinstatement of his pilot’s license, the finalization of his divorce, getting shared custody of his daughter - he hadn’t had time to think about smaller, more trivial things. Least of all, celebrating his own forty third birthday. 

But Benny claimed that a new beginning at the end of the shitstorm was the perfect time to celebrate. 

Which Frankie thought sounded a little like one of Will’s speeches blended with Benny’s optimism and garnished with a twist of Pope’s persuasiveness, but at the same time, he kind of saw the point that his friend was trying to make. 

It’s less about my birthday and more about… He swallowed, flexing his right hand and then loosening it and letting it fall to his side. More about everything that comes after. 

The after. That was something that Frankie could readily celebrate. The fact that he, that all four of them, had survived the biggest mistake that any of them had ever made and could still fill their lives with good things, big and small. That was something he could drink to. 

Besides, it’s not actually my birthday today. It was yesterday. 

That didn’t stop Benny from letting the whole bar think otherwise. 

“Hey! Happy Birthday, Fish!” The younger of the Miller brothers exclaimed as Frankie, Pope and Yovanna stepped inside. He raised both arms, a full pitcher in one hand and a stack of empty glasses in the other. Behind him, Frankie saw Will stand from a table where he had been sitting with Gloria before making his way over to say hello as Yovanna made her way over to take Will’s place at the table. But who is that other woman? 

You turned then, laughing at something that Gloria had said. And even though he could only see half of your face from the angle of where you were sitting, he felt an instant attraction at the way that laugh brightened your eyes. I don’t know who she is, but I want to. 

“There he is,” Will said, clapping him on the shoulder with a grin. “Happy birthday, Morales. What are you now, sixty? Sixty five?” 

“Cool it, Ironhead, I’m only three years older than you.” Frankie responded, feigning offense and shrugging Will’s hand away. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Will laughed as Benny passed a full beer to Frankie. “We’re all on our way to the old folks home.” 

“Speak for yourselves,” the younger man interjected, filling and passing a glass to Pope, too. “Gloria and I are still thriving in our thirties, so-” 

“So that means you’re paying for drinks?” Pope chimed in through a smirk as he gripped his glass. “Wow. How generous of you, Benny.” 

Benny rolled his eyes. “Ha, ha.” Setting the pitcher down, he raised his own glass and the other three followed suit. “To Frankie. Cheers to being another year wiser than these wiseasses.” He cocked his head in Will and Pope’s direction. 

“Now hold on a minute, Ben, I-” 

But Frankie didn’t let Pope get the rest of his protest out before clinking his glass to the three that were waiting. “No, I think that was a perfect toast. Thanks, Benny.” He took a swig of his drink, and even though he hadn’t really wanted to come out, he was already glad that he had. Nights out with the guys weren’t rare occasions, not by a long shot. But he was still grateful that he got to have them. And tonight’s just getting started. 

Yuri and Ed from the airfield filed over then to wish Frankie a happy birthday, followed by a few other friends and acquaintances that Benny and Will had spread the word to. After about an hour of mingling, he finally made his way over to the table where the rest of the group was sitting, dropping into a seat next to Gloria. 

“Happy birthday, Frankie!” She spoke over the music and chatter as she leaned over to give him a loose hug. 

“Thank you, Glo.” He smiled at her as he pulled back. “It’s nice to see you, thanks for coming out.” 

She waved a hand as she reached for the handle of the pitcher, Benny scooching it towards her without breaking from the conversation he was having with Will and Pope. “Of course! Wouldn’t miss it.” She poured herself a half glass of beer, then wordlessly asked if he wanted a refill, too. 

Nodding, he held his glass in place. “Thanks,” he murmured, looking over his shoulder as she topped him off. “Hey who did I see you talking to before?” And where is she now?

A mischievous grin stretched across her lips as she looked up at him and set the pitcher on the table. What is that look for? “A friend from work,” she responded, telling him your name. “A single friend,” she added.

Frankie huffed out a short laugh. “I’m not- I didn’t-” 

“I know you didn’t.” Gloria winked at him. “I just want you to have all the information,” she added, knocking the rim of her glass to his. 

“Well…” He raised his glass to his lips, smiling behind it. Well… That’s good to know. “Okay.” 

“Oh! And it’s her birthday, too, so I invited her out.” 

What? And she didn’t have other plans? “Oh. Well, I’m glad you did,” he said, setting his drink on a cardboard coaster and letting his fingers slide down the chilled glass. “The more the merrier.” 

He looked up and in the direction of the restrooms just as you and Yovanna came through the hallway that led to them, and when he did, he locked eyes with you. Fuck, she’s beautiful. He felt his smile grow again at the sight of you, especially when he noticed your slight intake of breath as your eyes met his. He watched Yovanna say something into your ear that made you cover your face and laugh, and then she raised her hand to wave at him. 

I wonder what she said to her. He raised one eyebrow along with his hand as you dropped yours from your face. The remnants of your laughter were still written all over your cheeks and again he felt an undeniable pull, a desire to get to know you. Because I want to see that smile again. And I want to put it there. 

His thoughts were interrupted by Pope tapping the table in front of him. “Hey, ground control to Catfish.” Frankie blinked, turning his attention back to his friends. “You’re not going deaf on us, are you? I asked if you’re in.” 

Picking up an unused coaster, he flung it like a frisbee at Pope, who batted it down in one smooth motion. “Just selectively.” 

“Ha, ha.” Pope rolled his eyes. “So does that mean you don’t want to go to the Lightning game on Wednesday?” 

“The Lightning?” Frankie took a sip of his beer, eyebrows drawn together. “Since when are you a hockey fan? Do you even know anything about hockey?”

“Oh, believe me, he does not.” Yovanna laughed as she dropped into the booth bench next to Pope, her arm going around his shoulders so that her fingers could card through the hair that curled behind his ear. He turned to face her, both of them wearing ear to ear grins. “We watched the game last night and he had no clue what was going on the whole time.” 

“I didn’t,” he admitted, garnering snickers and snorts from both Miller brothers. “But I’m learning.” He shrugged. “The tickets are from work. We just signed a contract with Amalie Arena so I’ll get tickets a few times a year. So I figured why not broaden my horizons?” 

“It’s not the easiest game to understand right away, but if you give it a few games and actually pay attention, you’ll catch on.” Another voice joined the conversation then, and everyone turned towards where you stood at the edge of the table. “I have a friend who’s a big fan so I’ve watched a few games with her.” Giving a small shake of your head, you laughed. “I still don’t know all the rules. It’s a wild sport, but it’s fun.” 

“See?” Pope gestured at you with one hand. “I don’t have to know the rules to have fun.” 

“Oh, good.” Frankie placed his palm flat on the table. “So your short attention span should be just fine then.” His friend’s response was to flip him the bird, the rest of the table laughing before falling back into conversation as Frankie stood and faced you. “Hi, sorry I didn’t get to introduce myself yet. I’m Francisco.” He shook his head. “Frankie. Let me grab you a chair.”  

– – – 

You hadn’t even finished your first drink yet, so you knew the rush of warmth you felt in that moment had nothing to do with the alcohol and everything to do with Frankie’s slightly lopsided smile. 

Fuck, he’s handsome. He pulled a chair away from an empty table and plopped it next to his. And chivalrous. 

“Thank you.” You sat, returning his smile with one of your own, and telling him your name as Gloria slid your glass across the table from where you were sitting before to your new seat between Frankie and Yovanna. “And happy birthday.” You lifted your drink in his direction before taking a sip. “Thanks for letting me crash your plans.” 

“Thank you.” His grin spread wider, lifting his cheeks into his eyes. “Happy birthday to you, too.’ He tipped his drink so that he could clink the rim of his glass to yours. “And you’re welcome. I’m glad Gloria invited you.” 

Your eyes darted over just in time to see Gloria shoot you a wink over Frankie’s shoulder. “Yeah,” you said, still smiling, your heart beating just a blip faster. “Me too.” 

Over the next hour and a half that became even more true as you fell easily into conversation with the group. Gloria had been right about you and Yovanna clicking, and the guys were just as easy to get along with. Since there were other people there for Frankie’s birthday than just the seven seated at the table, he got up a few times to go spend some time with them, too, but each time he came back he returned his focus to you, either commenting on something that you were telling the others, or asking you questions if you weren’t part of the larger conversation happening. 

You told him about your job at the architecture firm, and about the transfer that brought you down to Tampa in the first place. Will and Benny chimed in when you talked about how different winter was where you were from, the Indiana born brothers claiming that they’d love to see Frankie or Santi shovel their way out of a Midwest blizzard. 

“Why?” Frankie grimaced. “That just sounds like it hurts.” 

You’d laughed at that, nodding. “It does. I love the snow and I don’t really mind shoveling but…” You sighed. “I won’t miss the whole body aches after doing it.” 

“Facts,” Gloria agreed, nodding sagely. “Shoveling snow is not fun or easy.”

“You lived in a co-op building in Queens, Glo,” Benny responded, tightening the arm he had around her and giving her a skeptical side eye. “You didn’t have to shovel anything.” 

“I did not,” she confirmed. “But I watched the snow removal guys and they definitely did not look like they were enjoying themselves.” 

Everyone laughed at that, and then the conversation branched in a different direction. But Frankie didn’t follow it, turning to you and circling back to your recent move. “So aside from the weather, are you liking it down here?”

Smiling, you nodded. “I am. I’m still getting my feet under me. Learning where things are and which take out spots are good and all that.” 

Frankie hummed, crossing his arms over his chest. “Try Tino’s on Gateway Boulevard if you like burritos,” he suggested. “And if you like sushi you should try Ginkaku on-” 

“-North Evans?” You asked the location at the same time that he said it, your eyes widening. What are the odds? “Yeah, I’ve been meaning to try there.” You chuckled under your breath. “I was actually going to stop there tonight on my way home from work, but then Gloria told me I couldn’t spend my birthday eating sushi alone, so…”

You trailed off as someone near the bar called over to Frankie, telling him that they had to get going. He twisted in his seat to respond, saying that he’d be over in a second, and you found yourself staring at the way the movement made the fabric of his shirt stretch over his broad back. Damn. Out of the corner of your eye you noticed Gloria and Yovanna giving each other looks that you were fairly certain had to do with the way you were looking at Frankie, but you didn’t care because when he turned around again, his deep brown eyes locked with yours and nearly knocked you sideways. 

“Sorry, I just have to go say goodbye to a buddy of mine from work, and-” 

“No, don’t apologize! Of course.” You cocked your head towards the bar. “Go ahead, Frankie, I’ll be here when you get back.” 

He took a breath, then swallowed and nodded, eyes still on you as he stood from his seat. “Okay. I’ll be right back.” With that, he turned and headed over to the bar, and you were met with a view of his back again. 

Tearing your eyes away in an attempt to be more subtle about your attraction to a man you had met less than two hours ago, you cleared your throat and finished your drink. 

Your attempt was for naught, though, because even though Gloria was engaged in an intense conversation with Benny, Will and Santi, Yovanna was looking at you with a smirk. “I told you,” she said, one eyebrow raised as she lifted her drink to her lips. “I saw the way he looked at you before. He’s definitely interested.” 

I hope she’s right. Heat flooded your cheeks as the thought crossed your mind, and you knew you likely looked flustered, but you shook your head and let out a scoff. “I- He… Yovanna, I’m sure it’s just-” You shrugged. “A birthday hookup or-” 

Her head moved side to side then, her dark curls swinging from her ponytail. “No. That’s not Francisco.” She glanced over at Santi, the man throwing his head back in laughter and clapping Will on the shoulder, a warm smile that softened her sharp eyes on her face when she turned back to you. “The two of them are very much alike. They don’t waste their time on things that they don’t think will be around tomorrow.”

As though on cue, Santiago leaned over to press a kiss to Yovanna’s cheek. “You good?” He murmured the words against her skin before pulling away. She turned to nod, scrunching her nose. “We’ll get going soon, yeah?” She nodded again, the man dropping another kiss to the opposite cheek. “Okay.” 

He turned back to the others then, but you noticed that his hand stayed on her thigh as she returned her focus to you, saying your name. “I know that you just met me tonight, too, but you can trust me on this. Besides-” She tapped her phone and you looked down at the time on the screen. “Tonight is not really his birthday, and it’s almost not yours anymore, either. So it can’t just be a birthday hookup.” She widened her eyes and pressed her lips together, reaching for the pitcher in the middle of the table. “I’m going to have one more drink. Do you want one?” 

Before you could respond, you felt the weight of Frankie’s grip on the back of your chair as he lowered himself back into his own seat. But it was the trail of his fingertips across your shoulder as he withdrew his hand that made you suck in a breath and wonder if Yovanna was right. Realizing that you hadn’t answered her question, you blinked and nodded. “Um, sure. Just half a glass, though.” 

Because if she’s right? I definitely want to stay clear headed for whatever might happen. 

You thanked her as she poured for you, and then turned to Frankie, licking your lips as you smiled. “Did you catch your friend before they left?” 

“I did.” He said it with a nod, then tilted his head to the side. What? Narrowing his eyes, he opened his mouth to say something, then hesitated, taking a breath instead of speaking. What is he- But then he straightened his head again and you saw - and felt - his eyes flick to your lips and then back up. Oh, shit, he- “So you said that you were originally planning on checking out that sushi place tonight but Gloria said you couldn’t spend your birthday eating sushi alone, right?” 

You pulled your lower lip between your teeth and nodded. “Yeah.” And I’m glad I listened to her. 

He sighed then and you got the feeling that he was working himself up to say something. “Well,” he let out a sheepish laugh and reached up to grip the back of his neck, thick fingers nudging the edge of his hat. “That place is open ‘til 2 on the weekends. If you’re hungry, we could go grab a bite.” Wait, is he… Is he asking me out? He shrugged, dropping his hand and giving you the same lopsided grin he gave you when he introduced himself to you. “That way you won’t be going by yourself and-” 

You poked your tongue into the side of your cheek. “And technically by the time we get there it won’t even be my birthday anymore, so-” 

Frankie nodded, grin spreading. “So Gloria won’t have a leg to stand on.” 

A thousand tiny butterflies swarmed through your stomach at the thought of spending more time with Frankie one on one. Oh, I am so fucked. Taking a breath, you looked at him and what you saw only confirmed that thought. Frankie was the most attractive man you’d ever been this close to. And he’s asking me out. There was only one answer, as far as you were concerned. 

“That sounds great, Frankie.” You held up a finger. “On one condition.” He lifted an eyebrow in question, so you went on. “We take it back to my place to go, because I have a bunch of birthday cupcakes leftover from the office this morning, and-” 

He laughed, leaning in to rest his elbow on the table, getting close enough to say something that no one else would hear. “So you’re saying if I play my cards right, I might get to kiss frosting off your lips?” 

Oh, holy fucking shit, Frankie. 

You gasped then, Frankie pulling back to see the reaction on your face, the expression he was wearing one that you would remember for a long time. Finally, you cleared your throat and answered. “That is exactly what I’m saying, Francisco.” 

His eyes flashed when you used his full name, and with his next breath, though he was still looking at you, he addressed the rest of the table. “Hey guys, this has been fun, but I think it’s time to call it a night.” 

Within a few minutes the tab had been paid - Will, Benny and Santi insisting on splitting it between themselves - and goodbyes were said. But despite what Frankie had just said, you knew that your night was just getting started.

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.

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Thank you for reading! If you would like to be added to or removed from the taglist, please feel free to let me know by sending a message or filling out the form on my masterlist! :)

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[lonely-ey3s]

With All My Love: Chapter 8

Chapter 8: The Past is a Bitch

Pairings: joel miller x f!reader (no outbreak)

Word count: 16.1k

Chapter Summary: Joel and you throw a barbeque celebrating your arrival with close family and friends. Tommy and Joel battle how to best help you and Maria with your mental health since being back as there are indications you both are experiencing PTSD. Meanwhile later on, as the party goes on, you and Joel make a bet to keep each other on their toes as you both can't seem to keep your hands off each other.

Chapter warnings: mentions of PTSD (nightmares), panic attacks, physical descriptions of panic attacks, SMUT (18+ MDNI), m!oral, f!oral, f!masterbation, filming yourself while you do some naughty things, filming you and joel while you do fun things, spanish dialogue with translations (joel's family speaks it), FLUFFFFFF, joel being the best and most supportive bf, joel and reader being filthy sluts, reader has long hair, mentions of blood/injury, if I missed anything lmk :)

A/N: i know today's going to be a hard day for some of us as there is a lot of uncertainty and fear with how things are going, with how tik tok magically came back, but is being heavily censored, and there are indications of the next few days being really hard and for some very dangerous. i am here with you, i am just as nervous as you. i doom scrolled on redbook and tik tok too late last night freaking out about what people are seeing and saying - just know that in great numbers we are strong and i'm so proud of how much we are fighting back against corruption and complete ignorance, but i also know the fight isn't close to being over with our corrupt politicians and billionaires but we are using our knowledge from A Bug's Life and not allowing those grasshoppers to control our rights. i love you all, please be safe and stay kind to one another. ❣️ enjoy this chapter, i hope it helps take you somewhere else if you need that for a little while today ✨

Dividers by: @saradika-graphics

Main Masterlist

About an hour later Sarah woke up to hearing Tommy’s laugh and ran downstairs, eager to meet Maria. 

Maria and Sarah got along fast as they both were relentless with Tommy, which was a treat to watch. 

The group of you quickly finished the rest of the list and prepared for the party a couple of hours from now. 

Tommy and Joel went out in the back to set up some chairs and start rotating the ribs on the smoker. Sarah was outside as well finishing up with some last-second decorations, making sure everything looked to her satisfaction. 

You and Maria were finishing up the inside, making sure everything was ready to go to either be baked or put out. Maria turned to you, “I heard you ran into Captain Williams in the airport when you got back, how was that?” she said softly. 

You shrugged, “It was good to see him, he seems like a kind man, and glad we got him back safe. His wife was a blubbering mess… huggin’ me like I dragged him from the depths of hell… it was a little overwhelming.” you chuckled, and shook your head. 

“I mean, if it was either of us in his place, those two would have been the same way, worshipping whoever brought us home, ya know? Love changes people…” she nods out to the boys, who you both know would move heaven and earth for you and your safety.

You nodded and smiled looking outside at Joel, “It does…” You looked back at the ranch dressing you were making, “I guess it still hasn’t hit me I have someone like that in some moments, you know? I’m just so used to bein’ on my own…” 

Maria nodded, and hummed, “Speaking of, have you heard from him since being back? Charlie?” 

You shook your head, and scoffed “No… I wasn’t in North Carolina for more than a few hours before Joel and I left for Austin. He had no time to even run into me. I didn’t even get my car.” you tsked and chuckled, “Knowing him though, the piece of shit probably already found it and stole it, who knows…” you put a small spoon in the ranch and did a taste test then adjusted the seasonings. 

“I uh.. I saw him when I got in town… he luckily had no idea who I was, you know… but he looked like shit, someone beat the shit out of him it looked like...” Maria said as she started to lay out paper plates and silverware. 

You didn’t even react, feeling numb to him now, “Hmm, he probably owed money to someone and they beat him for not paying it back.” you put a lid on the ranch and put it in the fridge. 

Maria shrugged, “Well karma came back and that’s all I’ll say about him.” she looked over and smiled at you. 

You smiled softly and nodded, “Agreed… karma.” you looked down at the list and saw you still needed to prep the burger patties. 

Maria got a text and looked over at you then cleared her throat, “Can I ask you somethin’ and you not get butt hurt or mad?” she looked your way, nervous about what she was about to bring up. 

You looked at her from the counter, confused by her question, “Umm sure…” you chuckled not thinking anything of it. 

She let out a small sigh, “What happened this morning?” 

You looked at her, confused about what she meant, “I… what do you mean?” you smiled softly then looked back at the hamburger meat you were prepping. 

“I… I’ll just be honest… Joel’s worried about you… told Tommy you were up early with a bad dream… Tommy asked I check on you.” she turned back to put napkins down. 

You shook your head, “It’s nothin’... I mean you know the shit we saw… bad dreams, they are normal.” you blew off the question, not wanting to dive deeper than that. 

“Y/N… it’s somethin’ when you can’t go back to sleep.” she turned back to you. 

You scoffed, “Maria, it was nothin’... I should have just gone back to sleep… I just…” you clenched your jaw.

“You couldn’t unsee what you saw…” she cut you off. 

You took a breath and looked down at the counter, “It was Z…” you cleared your throat, “I see his body… everywhere… in my dreams… I… last night was just a bad one…” you looked up at her, with sadness in your eyes.

She set down the rest of the napkins and came over and sat on the island next to where you were standing, “I can’t imagine what you saw, what you went through when he died… that’s something you carry that I can’t know or fathom… which means in ways… you’re alone in that trauma…” she looked down as she fiddled with her cuticles, “We both saw, did and went through some fucked up shit over there… it’s normal to you know… deal with some level of trauma.” she looked at you, “I just… I don’t want you to be someone who shoves it down and stays quiet and then it consumes you.” 

She was right, you were notorious for that. Avoidance. When you got to camp, you talked about Charlie once and then never again with her, but she could tell it still impacted you but you never brought it up, and when she tried you’d change the subject. She wasn’t dumb or ignorant and you knew that, but she respected how you weren’t ready to talk and just let it be. However, with this, you both knew how horrible a soldier's mental health could plummet when getting back home, especially if you have PTSD. You were told of the statistics all the time of suicide, self-harm, and alcoholism/drug abuse, drilled during seminars and training. You weren’t ignorant, but you thought you could just avoid it by not talking about it. However, Maria wouldn’t let you do that, and you had a feeling neither would Joel - as he most likely went through it with Tommy at one point when he got home.

“What are you suggestin’ I do then?” you sighed and leaned against the counter. 

“Talk to your boyfriend, let him in… or hell join a group like I’m going to do once I settle here…” she said nudging you with her leg, trying to get you out of your stubbornness. 

You sighed and nodded, “I’ll try…” 

Maria smiled softly and nodded, “That’s all I can ask of you…” 

You nodded and then looked at the time, “Wanna help me get ready?” you smiled, “Help keep Joel off me so this thing starts on time?” you chuckled.

“So they are the same… handsy and horny motherfuckers…” Maria chuckled as she hopped off the counter and headed upstairs with you as you both giggled. 

Joel and Tommy stood outside while you and Maria talked inside, putting chairs and things out from the shed. 

Joel seemed a little disconnected, he felt something was going on with you since this morning but hadn’t got a moment alone with you to check on you. He saw your mood instantly switch when Maria got there, but he knew something happened last night and he wanted to make sure you knew you could reach out to him, he didn’t want you feeling that the nightmares or trauma he knows you went through was going to be too much for him to handle, he wanted to be involved, to be a comfort, he just didn’t know how to help you see that. 

Tommy nudged his arm, “Where’s your thoughts at lover boy?” he chuckled. 

Joel smiled softly and then swallowed softly and cleared his throat, “Did you ever… what happened when you got home? Where was your head?” he asked softly, careful so Sarah didn’t overhear. 

Tommy looked at him concerned, “What happened?” 

Joel shrugged, “I’m not sure, I found out she had a bad dream and had been up for hours right before you came through my front door.” he chuckled sadly. 

Tommy nodded, and unfolded a chair, “Nightmares are common with PTSD, Joel.” he sighed softly. “I had ‘em when I got back. Bad ones… woke up in cold sweats or panic attacks. I’d hide in the closet for weeks after, couldn’t sleep by a window…” he chuckled and shook his head, “Took mama tellin’ me to get my head outta my culo (ass) and get some help.” 

Joel looked at Tommy, shocked, he had no idea it was that bad for him, “What did you do?” 

Tommy smiled, “I went to a local group… then they had me see a therapist, which I saw for about a year.” he took another chair out of the shed, “Maria is going to go to a group once she settles here, maybe she’ll convince Y/N to join her.” 

Joel started to dust off some of the chairs, “Has Maria been struggling?” 

Tommy nodded, “Loud noises are hard for her, she about had a panic attack in the airport… she also deals with guilt, from what she’s told me, they dealt with a lot of death, some they couldn’t help but some part of them blames themselves for not doing enough… I’d be surprised if Y/N doesn’t struggle with that… especially with what happened to Z.” he helped dust off the table and then got his phone out and texted Maria what happened and to reach out to you. 

Joel nodded, “I know Z hits her often, she just won’t talk about it, you know?” he sighed, feeling helpless when it came to these things. 

“I understand. There are just some things they won’t tell us… they think it’ll be too much you know?” he shrugged, “That’s how I felt at least… felt you already had enough on your plate with Rachelle leavin’ and Sarah bein’ a baby, handlin’ her all on your own. I felt guilty for even strugglin’ when you had that goin’ on.” he looked over at Joel. 

Joel looked at him sadly, he would have done anything for Tommy, “I would burn the world for you brother, I’m always here, especially for you.” He touched Tommy’s shoulder. 

Tommy nodded and smiled, “I know… but my younger, stupid, immature, and cocky post-deployment self - didn’t want to believe it.”

They both chuckled and nodded. 

“If it helps… I just let Maria know what happened, and she’ll try to reach out to her, and I’ll let you know what Maria finds out, in case it’ll help you.” he smiled softly, “We gotta stick together with these two, you know?” 

Joel chuckled and nodded, “We’ve got our hands full with them, don’t we?” looking your and Maria’s way. 

Tommy nodded, “I believe we do…” and softly chuckled as he nudged his brother's arm. 

You went upstairs and changed with Maria, she brought a change of clothes as she and Tommy were planning on staying the night and hanging out with you and Joel afterward. 

You had picked out another one of the sun dresses that Joel had in the closet for you, again aiming for comfort but also a part of you wanted to drive him mad all night. You came out of the bathroom and used some body shimmer sunscreen lotion to make your skin glow, Maria saw you and chuckled, “You are evil…” She shook her head as he also had a sundress on but yours was particularly a tease. “Joel is going to be drooling over you all night long…” she got up from the bed, putting on some earrings and last-minute touches to her makeup. 

You looked at yourself in the mirror and smiled cheekily, “I know…” you looked back at her, “Gotta keep him on his toes.” you sprayed yourself with some perfume and then smiled, “Ready to make some jaws drop?” 

She chuckled and nodded, “Oh yes please!” she straightened herself up as well and then you both walked downstairs, both of the brothers getting the grill ready out on the back patio. 

You and Maria both grabbed some towels that needed to go outside for the kids who were going to play in the pool. Then opened the screen door and walked out together. 

Joel and Tommy both were taking swigs of their beers when you both walked out and coughed up their drinks and then immediately followed you and Maria’s bodies as you moved, eyes glued to your curves and how insatiable you both looked. 

“Hey guests are gonna start arriving here in about 20 minutes, ya’ll need to go freshen up?” Maria asked, paying no mind to Tommy’s reaction. 

You walked by as well, and looked at Sarah, “Sarah, wanna help me with the food inside?” 

Sarah came over and nodded, “What do we need to do?” she zoned in, excited to help. 

You looked at Joel, and smiled sweetly, innocently, “Hup too cowboy, go change…” nodded your head upstairs then you went back inside with Sarah. 

Maria followed and closed the door after, both of you smirking as you walked. 

Joel and Tommy both stood there, blood rushing to the right place at the wrong time, smirking and in a daze from you both. 

Tommy cleared his throat, “That… that’s our girlfriend’s, right? We weren’t just graced by god herself, yeah?” still in somewhat shock. 

Joel chuckled nodding, “Cheeky devils those two…” he bit his lip and nudged his brother, “Come on…” he put his beer down and walked inside, closing the door behind him not waiting for Tommy. 

“Hey baby, can I have your help upstairs pickin’ out an outfit to match that…” he cleared his throat seeing Sarah turn around and smile innocently at him, “...beautiful dress you’re wearin’...?” he looked at you and nodded his head towards the stairs, biting his lip eagerly. 

You smirked and came over and pecked his lips, “Two steps ahead of you cowboy, laid out an outfit for you on the bed already…” You winked and continued to walk past him, getting the mac and cheese in the fridge to put in the oven. 

Joel watched your hips as you walked and chuckled lowly, “Oh did ya now?” 

You nodded and looked back at him, “Yes baby, from hat to boot, I got you…” you smiled sweetly and then bent over to put the mac and cheese in. Your thong outline showed through your dress just enough to make Joel’s cock harden immediately. He clears his throat and quickly moves to stand against the counter, “Baby?” his voice cracks slightly. 

Maria snorts and tries not to laugh so she turns it into a cough, “Sorry, my throat is dry…” She takes a swig of her beer, trying not to lose her shit at Joel’s behavior. 

You knew exactly what you were doing, and you felt so empowered by it, you loved making him like putty, so easy to make melt. 

You stood and closed the oven, turning towards him, “Yes sweetheart?” you smiled and put the oven mitts on the stove. 

Sarah came up to you, “Where does this go?” you smiled at her and then looked at Joel and smirked.

He shook his head and clenched his jaw, narrowing his eyes, mouthing ‘Don’t you dare…I need you…now…’ knowing exactly what you’re about to do to him. 

‘I’ll pay for it later.’ you thought. 

You wink at Joel and then look back down to Sarah, “Here, let me show you sweetheart...” you walk with her towards the back door and purposely walk by Joel so that your perfume would waft his way. You open the screen door and look back, “Maria can you help me with somethin’ out here too?” then look at Joel, and blow him a kiss as you three walk out to the yard. 

Joel chuckles and scoffs, biting his lip, “Oh that’s it. Game on.” he said and ran upstairs to change into something he knew would drive you crazy. 

You had laid out a nice cream-colored button-up and dark wash jeans with a tan-colored cowboy hat you found in his closet. 

However, he was playing chess, not checkers as he came down in a dark brown button-up with his sleeves rolled up a little, exposing the veins in his arms, dark wash jeans with a nice belt, and black Stetson hat, with his nice cowboy boots. You had a thong on to be his temptation, so he had a tight-fitting black tee on that form fitted him in every delicious way possible under this button-up that he’d use as his discretion throughout the day to drive you just as mad as he’ll be with you and that dress. 

You were in the kitchen with Maria, laying out the food on the table, when you turned and saw him, immediately feeling the heat pool between your thighs. He clocked you, made immediate eye contact, and smirked. The two of you having this nonverbal conversation between the two of you. You bit the inside of your cheek and raised your eyebrow at him, cocking your head to the side signaling ‘Well played’ and you pursed your lips together and then smirked back, shaking your hands out to gather your composure, before clearing your throat softly, “You look handsome cowboy…” you came up and kissed his cheek before walking behind him and gathering the platter of hamburger patties, “Can you start on these, handsome?” you held up the platter but pushed your elbows together and up to accentuate your cleavage when going to hand him the patties. 

He bit his lip and looked at you, his cock starting to get hard again, he knew exactly what you were doing. He let out a small chuckle, “Of course my love” he bit out of pure frustration, gently taking the platter from you. 

He went to go outside, but Sarah came in and saw him and smiled, “Well don’t you look pretty…” she said looking him up and down, giggling. 

“Shut up…” Joel chuckled before stepping outside. 

Sarah shut the door and you and Mariah let out a laugh, Sarah joining in, “What’s his problem?” 

You smiled and chuckled, “I think he’s a little… hangry…” you lied for her innocence. 

Mariah said under her breath, “You mean horny…” 

You nudged her and she chuckled.

Sarah nodded, “Yeah, he’s such a drama queen sometimes…” she sighed and smiled, “Anythin’ else need to go outside?” she asked softly. 

You shook your head, “I think we are good, do you need to change?” you smiled at her as you laid out the veggie tray. 

She nodded, “I’ll be quick!” she ran upstairs and shut her door to change. 

Maria nudged you, and chuckled, “Joel’s playing fire with fire…” She winked at you and nodded towards him. 

“Yeah… I know. What the fuck… he looks fucking…” you sighed frustrated and chuckled to yourself, leaning towards the counter, looking down to gather what you said next in case Sarah could hear, “god damn he’s good in that damn hat.” you looked up and rolled your shoulders, and then your head side to side, “What a menace…” clearly just as sexually pent up as Joel.

Maria chuckled and Tommy came in, he had changed as well and also looked very handsome, you smiled, “Lookin’ sharp Miller…” You nodded towards him. 

Tommy chuckled, now cooled down and even headed, “You two started it… with those damn… dresses…” he looked at Maria up and down, eyes hungry. 

You cleared your throat, breaking his gaze, “Reginald, eyes forward… there’s a child upstairs.” you scoffed jokingly and chuckled as you walked past him to take a beer to Joel outside. 

You opened the screen door and came up behind Joel, “You seem a little thirsty cowboy… need a drink?” you smirked seeing him turn his ear towards you and chuckle lowly. 

He flipped a few burgers then closed the grill, turned towards you, and gently grabbed you by your waist, pulling you against him, growling lowly, “Mmm baby… I need somethin’ else to satisfy my thirst…” he looked at our lips, eyes blown with lust. 

You chuckled and touched his cheek softly, “I’m afraid that’s not an option on the menu this afternoon…” you leaned up and kissed him gently. 

You went to pull back when he captured your lips again and kissed you slower and deeper, and then whispered against your lips, “You’re always on the menu baby…” 

You bit your lip and quickly kissed him again, then pulled away, “Mmm as are you, cowboy…” 

He reached back for your lips, hand slipping down to cup your ass, you put your finger on his lips, “Mmm nice try, not so fast…” you gently pushed away and grinned, “I wanna play a little game with you tonight… I have some rules…” you bit your lip, “I wanna see how long the other can last as we are clearly playing sexual tension chess…” you chuckled, “...the winner gets to choose what happens when everyone goes home… and where… it happens…” you smirked as you saw that piqued his interest, you gathered that Joel might like risky location sex which was something that made you a little nervous, “You interest?” you tilted your head and put your hands behind your back, cutely. 

He nodded and smirked, “Go on, what are the rules darlin’?”

You stepped one step back to explain without distractions, “Rule 1, no funny business kisses.”

Joel bit his lip and chuckled, “Easy. Next…” 

“Rule 2, while we are with or around others, no gawking… if the other person catches the other… automatic loss.” you smiled at him, “In other words, we can gawk, just not get caught by each other.” 

Joel nodded and grinned, leaning against the grill, taking a swig of the beer, “That’ll be a fun one…” 

“Lastly, rule 3, dirty talk is free game, but… no touching… only thing we can do is hold hands.” you cocked your head challenging him. 

He stood up and scoffed, “No touching? How… I…” 

You smirked, “Ready to throw in the towel?” you raised your eyebrow. 

Joel clenched his teeth and let out a breath, his competitive side being poked. He grinned, and rolled his shoulders, chuckling, “Ok… you’re on. Deal.” 

You smiled and chuckled at his reaction, “Before we start, is there anythin’ you need to get out of your system?” tilting your head innocently at him.

He nodded and immediately swarmed you, taking your cheeks in his hands, smirking against your lips, “Oh god yes, one funny business kiss…” 

You giggled against his lips and put your hands on his chest, pulling him in by his shirt as he leaned in and kissed you slowly and deeply once, then he went to pull away, “Mmm wait, one more for good luck…” you pulled him back and he chuckled and kissed you once more, humming against your lips and then slowing pulling away, keeping his eyes closed, lingering close to you. 

You stayed like that for a few moments before hearing the doorbell ring and then giggling, “Let the games begin!” you pulled away and walked towards the screen door, holding out your hand for him to take, “You comin’...?” you opened the screen door and waited for him. 

He bit his lip and chuckled, “God I love you…” he grabbed your hand and walked with you to the front door. Tommy saw him come inside and traded places with him, taking over the grill so he could greet the guests. 

Joel opened the front door and was greeted by two older gentlemen, “Hey! We brought booze!” Frank said excitedly and stepped inside, giving Joel a pat on the arm. 

“You must be the famous Y/N that Joel hasn’t shut up about!” Frank winked at Joel and hugged you, kissing your cheek gently, “It’s so lovely to meet you!

Bill stepped in after Frank and grumbled, “I also brought a couple of pies…” 

Joel chuckled and let go of your hand, “Here Bill, let me get those for you…” he grabbed two pies from Bill's hands, kissing your cheek softly, “I’ll go put these in the kitchen…” 

You instantly remembered who these two were from Joel mentioning them a few times over Skype, “Oh my gosh, you’re the famous Bill and Frank! Joel’s told me so much about you! I am so happy you are here!” you hugged Bill and kissed his cheek softly, after letting go of Frank, “Come! Grab some food! Tommy is manning the grill so go get a burger too.” you smiled sweetly grabbing their arms and walking between them to the kitchen. 

Maria smiled and came over to greet them too. 

The doorbell rang again and Joel looked over at you immediately and smiled. He reached for your hand, and the both of you greeted guest after guest like this, together. 

About an hour later the house and yard were full of people, most were either long-time friends of the Miller brothers, family friends, or neighbors of Joel’s. 

You and Joel were in the kitchen, both corned by different people. 

You were corned by Mrs. Rose, she kept telling you stories of Joel when Sarah was little, although they were adorable and you loved hearing how great of a dad he is and was when Sarah was smaller, you felt you were drowning and needed a lifeline of some sort. 

Joel was corned by Frank, he kept asking the obvious questions, how were things going, had you guys talked about you moving in, all of the usual gossip topics Frank loved to discuss. 

You both heard the doorbell and like a god-given blessing, both excused yourselves. 

You chuckled as you both met in the entryway, “Mrs. Rose can talk, can’t she?” you joked and it made Joel laugh a deep hearty laugh, “You have no idea my love…”, and Joel opened the door, and turned his attention to see who was there, his face instantly turned to a shocked expression, “Mama?” 

A beautiful older woman stood on the front step, “I’m so sorry I’m late mijo… traffic was horrible!” she reached in and grabbed Joel by the cheeks, pinching them gently, and kissed him on the cheek then hugged him quickly, pushing her way inside, on a mission, “I brought empanadas… they are in car, tú o tu hermano tendréis que ir a buscarlos.” (You or your brother will need to go get them.)

Joel chuckled and kept a hold of your hand as you were now hidden behind his back, hugging her with the other arm, “Mama, Tommy said you couldn’t come, said you had something come up?” 

His mom pulled away, glared at him like he was crazy, and tsked as she slapped his arm softly, “Traes a una chica a casa, cambio mis planes, mi amor.”  (You bring a girl home, I move my plans around, my love.) 

You smiled from behind Joel, understanding every word she was saying as you took Spanish in high school. 

Joel blushed and smiled, then nodded, lightly chuckling. 

She looked around eagerly, not seeing you were behind Joel's figure as she had kept you guys in a tight space, “¿Bien? ¿Dónde está ella?” (Well? Where is she?)

Joel smiled lovingly at his mom and then moved aside slightly, “Mama this is Y/N…” 

You peeked out and smiled brightly, shyly tucking a strand of hair behind your ear, “Hello Mrs. Miller… it’s so lovely to meet you…” you held out your hand. 

She lightly gasped and held out her arms, “Cariño... ella es hermosa!” (Honey… she is beautiful) then she pulled you in for a gentle hug, “You must call me Elena, mi querida…” (my darling) she pulled back and put your face in her hands, “Come… we must talk.” she grabbed your hand and started to walk with you. 

You chuckled and looked back at Joel as she practically dragged you with her, smiling warmly and mouthing, ‘You didn’t tell me your mom was coming!’. 

He chuckled and shrugged then winked and watched, “I’ll go get the empanadas, mama!” and he left out the front door. 

She waved her hand to dismiss him and tsked, focused on getting somewhere to talk to you. 

Elena whisked you through the kitchen and out onto the patio, humming happily to herself, clearly on a mission. 

Tommy saw his mother weaving through the ground, you clocked his eyeline and nodded your head towards the kitchen as that was where Maria was. He nodded and knew exactly what you were saying, ‘You need to give her a heads up.’ 

“Uh… Mrs. Mi- I mean Elena… can I get you something to eat or drink?” you smiled down at her as you walked. 

She smiled and gasped, finding two lawn chairs, “¡Perfecta!, we must sit here!” she sat in one, and you sat in the other. 

You softly chuckled, “I must be honest ma’am, I didn’t know you were coming, I would have set you up a shaded area aside.” you looked at her softly. 

She waved you off softly, “¡Disparates!” (Nonsense!) “No need for that, I’m an old woman, but not one that needs special treatment, si?” she smiled warmly at you. 

You nodded, “Yes ma’am.” you looked down shyly, messing with the hem of your dress. 

She reached over and put a hand over yours, “Tell me… how does my son treat you, hmm? Le enseñé a adorar el suelo que pisas, ¿verdad?” (I taught him to worship the ground you walk on, is he?)

You blushed and continued to look down at your hands, then looked up at her, “He treats me like gold…” you smiled brightly “You raised a good man… he… I…” you looked back down at your hands and let out a small chuckle, “I love him very much, ma’am.”

She smiled and gently squeezed your hand, “He loves you more than I think he’s loved anything but that darling granddaughter he gave me.” 

You looked at her and smiled, “Sarah… she’s… I also love her, she’s so kind… smart…” you chuckled, “... she’s so funny… she’s such a good human. Joel… he’s a good dad.” you looked over at Sarah, playing in the pool with her friends, “She’s everything to me as well. I can’t express how much those two were my drive while over there ma’am… they got me out of a lot of shi-” you cleared your throat, and looked at her apologetically, “stuff…” 

She laughed softly, “You don’t need to tell me, I heard the stories of what you went through…” She looked at you sadly, “I was told you had a little boy… lamento tu perdida.” (I’m sorry for your loss) 

You teared up at Z being called your little boy and looked down sadly, a tear falling on your dress, without thinking responded, “Gracias, aprecio tus amables palabras.” (Thank you, I appreciate your kind words.) 

She gasped, “¿Tú hablas español?" (You speak Spanish?) She looked at you excitedly. 

You looked up, eyes wide, Joel didn’t know you spoke it, you wanted to keep it a bit of a secret, but then chuckled and shook your head seeing her reaction, this meant a lot to her that you spoke in her native tongue. 

“Sí, pero no tan buena como tú, estoy segura.” (Yes, but not as good as you, I'm sure.) you chuckled and winked. 

She laughed, “No, you speak it very well! Oh gracias a Dios…” (Oh thank goodness)

You chuckled and then saw Tommy and Maria heading your way, Maria in her head, looking nervous, “Here, let me go grab you a plate and drink, I’ll be back…” You nodded towards Tommy and stood up, squeezing her hand and smiling as you let go of her hand before passing by the pair of them, whispering to Maria, “She’s going to love you… just breathe.” then walking towards the screendoor. 

You made it into the kitchen and started to gather a plate of things you thought she might like, Joel came in and smiled with a bag of ice over his shoulder, “You got away…” he chuckled and came over, kissing your cheek gently, hovering his hand behind the small of your back, careful not to touch you, he smirked, “How’d it go darlin’?” then walked over to dump it in a bucket you had for beers and soda’s to put outside. 

You smiled and continued to collect food for her, “I think it went well… she’s very sweet. I think she liked the element of surprise though… catching us off guard.” you chuckled. 

Joel nodded, “Yeah, she likes keeping everyone on their toes.” he softly laughed. 

You looked up and smirked a little, “No mencionaste que tu familia hablaba español, mi amor…” (You didn't mention your family spoke Spanish, my love…)

Joel flipped his head around, and his eyes went wide, “You speak Spanish?” 

You chuckled at his reaction and nodded, “Not as well as your mom or you, but yes, yes I do.” you beamed and looked back down at the plate you were collecting. “Took 3 years in high school…” 

Joel grinned and bit his lip then came over and hovered behind you, careful not to touch you but close enough to know he’d drive you crazy, saying lowly, making his voice vibrate against you as he said, “Veo. Así que puedes entenderme cuando digo que eres una niña traviesa por usar esa tanga, ¿no?” (I see. So you can understand me when I say that you are a naughty girl for wearing that thong, right?)

You bit your lip and grinned, goosebumps spreading down your body, heat pooling between your legs again and your cheeks blushing, “Si, mi amor…” (Yes, my love) you said then turned around, careful not to touch him, and looked up at him, “Lo que significa que me entiendes cuando digo que espero usar ese sombrero mientras te monto esta noche…” (Which means you understand me when I say that I expect to wear that hat while riding you tonight…)

Joel smirked down at you, and leaned his hands against the counter to corner you in, “You have no idea how hot it is to hear that come out of your mouth baby…” he leaned in close to your ear, saying lowly, with hunger in his voice. 

Your eyes fluttered closed and you took a deep breath, feeling yourself flutter around nothing at your core. 

You looked at him up and down, slowly grinning, then made eye contact with him “Eso no es lo único que mi boca puede hacer, ¿verdad, vaquero?” (That's not the only thing my mouth can do, is it cowboy?) 

Joel let out a shaky breath, his cock starting to get hard again thinking about what you did to him with your mouth yesterday.

You bit your lip, leaned up, and kissed his cheek softly, “Excuse me mi amor…” you gently used the water bottle you were holding to move his arm to get out of his hold, carefully, not to break any rules before walking back outside, smirking to yourself, leaving him speechless against the counter. 

You walked over to Joel’s mom, she was still talking with Tommy and Maria, all of them laughing about something. 

You softly came up to her and gently touched her shoulder, “Here you go, ma’am…” 

She looked up at you and smiled, taking the plate, “Oh you’re too kind! Gracias…” She looked at Tommy, “Mijo, will you go find your brother?” she nodded towards the house and smiled sweetly. 

Tommy got up from his chair and came over and kissed her cheek, “Of course mama…” he reached back for Maria to come with. His mom shook her head, “No… let her stay here, rest her feet. I’m sure these two have been on them all day.” she smiled at the two of you. 

You came and sat by Maria in Tommy’s chair, gently touching her knee, smiling down at her. 

Maria smiled and nodded at Tommy, “I’ll be ok, she won’t bite baby…” she giggled.

Tommy nodded and leaned down, kissing Maria’s head, “I’ll be back.” he said before walking away to find Joel. 

“So tell me, girls, how have you been since being back?” she took a bite of a carrot stick. 

You looked back at Maria and smiled then nodded towards Mrs. Miller, “For the most part I think we’ve been doing pretty ok. I think it's setting in we are home…” you looked at Maria and she nodded then looked down shyly. 

“Yeah, I agree.” she said softly. 

Elena looked at you both and tsked, “Se honesta conmigo… por favor…” (Be honest with me, please) she sadly looked between you both, knowing you were both putting up a brave face. 

Maria bit the inside of her cheek and sighed softly, “I’m having a hard time being in busy enclosed areas… like the airport was hard.” she admitted. 

You looked at her and gently took her hand in support, “I’m… loud sudden noises I’ve noticed get me. But I’ve also been having flashbacks when sleeping.” you looked down at your hand holding Maria’s and clenched your jaw, feeling frustrated by this, sighing to let it go. 

Elena reached over and took your hand, “Talk to my boys… please. They’ll want to help… want to… solidaria.” (be supportive) She looked at you both with pleading eyes. 

Maria nodded, “Tommy is going to get me into a group locally when I get settled here… said it helped him.” she smiled softly. 

Elena nodded, “Yes, the group was his saving grace.” she sighed sadly, “He felt… uhm… como dices… culpable?” (guilty) 

You nodded, “He felt guilty for putting it on anyone but himself…” you looked at the ground and nodded, “I think that’s how I feel… don’t want to burden Joel with the hell we saw… went through…” you shook your head and tears started to cloud your vision. 

Elena squeezed your hand, “No eres una carga para luchar. Por tener dificultades para comprender y superar lo que pasó.” (You are not a burden for struggling. For having a hard time understanding and moving past what you went through.) 

Maria looked at you, needing translation.

“We aren’t burdens…” you looked at her sadly. 

Elena saw Tommy and Joel starting to walk towards you all from the back door, she looked at them both and nodded, smiling softly, signaling for them to give her a moment more. Both stopped and understood, and got pulled into a conversation with Bill, asking who made the mac and cheese. 

Joel focused on you, smiling softly at the sight of you and his mom together before turning his head towards Bill, explaining it was your recipe.

Elena looked back at you and Maria and reached her other hand for Maria to take, Maria moved in her chair closer and took her hand. She looked at you both and smiled softly, tearing up, “You… both… make my two boys very happy. Ellos viven para ti ahora…” (They both live for you now.) She gripped your hands a little tighter, “Let them take care of you, and give them the chance to help you when you… como decir… struggle?” she didn’t know if she used the right word. 

You smiled and nodded, “We understand… and we will…” You let go of Maria’s hand to wipe a few tears that escaped. 

Elena smiled and nodded, shaking your hands softly, “Bien…” 

You looked at Maria and leaned our head against her, offering her comfort, she chuckled as some tears escaped as well, and she wiped them as well with her free hand. 

You saw Sarah climb out of the pool, “Abuelita!” and grab a towel, running over to her, smiling. 

Elena smiled brightly, “Mi hermosa niña!” she stood from her chair and put her plate down, opening her arms to embrace Sarah. 

Sarah ran over and hugged her tightly, smiling from ear to ear. 

You stood up and looked down at Maria, “I’m going to go grab myself a plate now that everyone’s settled in, you need anything?” 

Maria smiled and shook her head, “I’m good thanks.” 

You nodded and then walked back inside, closing the door behind you, grabbing a plate, and looking to see what was left. 

Frank came in, “There you are! I’ve been waiting for Elena to let you go…” he chuckled. 

You looked up and smiled, “You need somethin’ sweetie?” you asked kindly, starting to put things on your plate.  

Frank shook his head and smiled, “No… not exactly, I just wanted to talk to you more. Get to know you more. Joel… well… he won’t shut up about you, but I’d like to talk to you, get to know you from… you.” he chuckled and got a beer from the counter.

You smiled, “Won’t shut up about me? I’m flattered…” you chuckled. 

Frank sat down at one of the barstools and watched you fill your plate up, “Joel he’s… he’s different. He’s not so grumpy since meeting you.” he chuckled. 

You looked up at Frank, “Joel? My Joel, grumpy?” you tsked and then chuckled, “He can be a bit closed up I’ve noticed, especially with Mrs. Rose…” you chuckled, “... but I can’t imagine him being grumpy…” You smiled to yourself as you grabbed a cucumber slice and took a bite.

“Well that’s Rose for ya, she’ll know the color of your underwear if you’re not careful with what you do and say around her…” he chuckled, “Which by the way, from one gay guy to a woman with a rockin’ body, you played with fire today…” he nodded towards your ass and you turned bright red. 

“Shit, you can see?” you all of a sudden got embarrassed. 

“Honey, every man within an eye shot and a cock between his legs can see you’re either not wearin’ anythin’ or what you are, is very very small…” he winked and laughed softly, taking a swig of his beer, “Joel keeps tellin’ his coworkers to keep their eyes forward and that you’re to be respected… he’s a very possessive man of what’s his.” 

You blushed and couldn’t hide the smile that stretched across your face, “What’s funny is we have this thing goin’ on and h-…” You stopped talking, realizing you were about to dive into this sex bet you and Joel were doing pretty much a stranger. 

Frank leaned forward and whispered, “Sweetheart, I’ve seen your thong, we are well past the ‘new person’ manners and decorum, finish the damn sentence…” he chuckled. 

You blushed and tucked a hair behind your ear, “Ok… fine.” you chuckled and leaned forward too, “We have this bet going on that we can’t… gawk at each other when the other person can see… and we can’t touch each other except for holding hands… so he’s most likely…” you bit your lip and then took another bite of the cucumber, “... a little frustrated if you catch my drift.” you looked at him grinning. 

Frank took a swig, “I like you… you’re fun!” he chuckled and then grabbed your hand, “Come on, we’ve got loads to talk about.” he took you back outside and sat with you on the patio swing. 

The both of you sat and talked for what seemed like hours, the sun had started to set and a few people left, but there was still a majority of the group sticking around, enjoying good food and company.

Joel came over and sat next to you, putting his hand on yours and his arm around the back of the swing, “There you are, I’ve been looking for you...” he kissed your hand softly then cheek then looked at Frank, “Frank that wine you brought, my mom wants to know where ya’ll got it from… it was really good.” he leaned and smiled at Frank.

You smiled against him, gently squeezing his hand when he settled in by you. 

Frank smiled, “Oh I have another bottle in the car, I’ll just give it to her… we got it when we traveled to France a few months ago, and had a crate mailed to us.” he stood up, “I’ll go grab it and be right back.” he set his beer down on the ground and then left to go inside. 

Joel kissed your cheek again once it was just you two, “I’ve missed you… I’ve felt I’ve not seen you much as we’ve been pulled separate ways every damn time I get near ya my love.” 

You smiled and adjusted yourself to look at him better, “I’ve missed you too…” you kissed him softly once then pecked his lips once more. 

He sat back and smiled down at you, “Are we breakin’ any rules by doing this? I’d hate to call a forfeit…” he chuckled softly, rubbing his thumb against your hand softly. 

You shook your head and giggled lightly, “No… we can have this. This is nice… nothin’ can be funny business when I’m sitting and swingin’ with you handsome.” you leaned your head against his shoulder and you two swung softly. 

Joel gently kissed the top of your head and sat with you peacefully. 

A few moments went by then Tommy came over, “Hey you two lovebirds…” he smiled and stood with his hip popped out like he wanted something. 

You smiled at Tommy, “Everything ok?” 

He nodded, “Yeah, can I just borrow Joel for a little bit? Bill wants some help with somethin’ on his truck. We just need a ‘nother set of hands.” he smiled down at you.

You nodded and smiled, “Yeah, of course.” you took your head off his shoulder and kissed his cheek, “I’ll just wait here…” 

Joel turned his head and kissed you softly, then stood up, “We gettin’ dirty?” he looked at Tommy. Tommy nodded, “Most likely… he needs undercarriage help” 

Joel nodded and started to unbutton his button-down, and then took it off, unveiling the tight black tee he was wearing under which was tucked in and had a nice buckled belt on which made him look even more delicious.

The tee exposed his broad shoulders, and thick muscular biceps, roped down with veins that bulged when he flexed to slide out of the button-up. Once taken off, he set it over his shoulder and took off his hat briefly, running his hands through his hair to push it back before putting it back on his head. 

Your jaw hung open and your eyes filled with not one ounce of anything appropriate at that moment. This - this was his thong, the bastard. 

Frank came out before Joel turned around to kiss you. He saw your face and how you were gawking, so he cleared his throat loudly, snapping you out of your daze before Joel saw, saving your ass in this cruel bet you both agreed to. 

You blushed and turned to Frank, he smirked, “I’m going to run this over to Mrs. Miller then I’ll be right back.” he walked towards that area of the yard, wine bottle in hand. 

Joel looked down at you, smirking, “You were gawking weren’t you?” he leaned down, chuckling, gently kissing your lips. 

You smiled against his lips, “I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about cowboy.” you gently flicked the brim of his hat and winked before kissing him gently once more. 

He pulled back, “I’ll be back, don’t go far darlin’…” he smiled at you and walked out with Tommy to Bill and his truck. 

Joel and Tommy went out to the driveway and started helping Bill with something regarding his suspension, all of them getting greasy and a little messy. 

After about 20 minutes went by, Bill was trying to loosen a bolt near his strut and was getting frustrated as it wouldn’t come loose, “This damned thing…” he readjusted the wrench and his position and went to try again but his hand slipped and something sharp in the undercarriage and sliced through his palm and up his wrist, “Ah, fuck…” he grabbed his wrist, dropping the wrench, sliding out from under the truck. 

Tommy looked down with a flashlight at him, “Fuck…” 

Joel came around and saw, blood coming out pretty quickly. “Shit.” 

He yelled hoping you would hear him, “Y/N! Baby, we need help!” he looked at Tommy after a moment, “Go, go get the girls.” 

Tommy nodded and ran in and went to grab you both. 

You were laughing with Frank when you heard Joel yell for help. You sat up quickly and clocked Maria from across the yard, both of you in crisis mode immediately. You stood from the swing and ran in the house, out the front door, “Joel?!” fearing that something happened to him, not making it past the front steps before he looked at you and yelled, 

“Med bag now!” he looked at you, kneeling by Bill who you could see was bleeding. 

“Fuck…” you nodded and ran back into the house, “Frank, it’s Bill!” you shouted from the stairs towards the back door. 

You ran up the stairs and grabbed your medical kit from the bedroom, rushing back downstairs. 

Maria already had run out with Mrs. Miller and half the party while you were upstairs, all surrounding Bill and the truck, murmuring. 

You ran out and pushed through the crowd, “Someone call 911.” you commanded tying up your hair, locked into the situation. 

You knelt by Bill and took his arm, “Here let me see…” You accessed his hand, seeing he might have nicked an artery or major blood vessel by how much blood was coming out, “Someone tell me what happened…” you asked calmly, looking through your bag for what you needed. 

“Damn bolt was too tight, hand slipped.” he bit out. 

You nodded, “Got it. Who’s calling 911?” you questioned the group. 

Maria piped up, “I am. I’m speaking to an operator, what are your findings?” she knelt across from you. 

You unzipped your bag, opened it up fully, and began putting gauze on his wrist as that was where most of the bleeding was coming from, “Tell them we have a deep laceration of palm that extends up the inner wrist. Explain that the blood loss suggests that it may have nicked the ulnar artery or a major blood vessel, we need an ambulance now.” you zoned in and looked around you for resources. “Tommy, I need your belt...” you said while trying to get the bleeding to stop but it kept coming.

“My what?” he questioned. 

“Belt. Tommy… now…” you instructed, there was no time for questions and you were in your element, not worried about niceties. 

He undid his belt and handed it to you. 

You looked at Maria, “Maria, ETA?” 

“7 minutes…” she said and then set the phone down on speaker and helped you by putting pressure while you used Tommy’s belt to tunicate Bill’s upper arm. “We need them here now… fuck.” you were getting frustrated by the lack of tools you had at your disposal. 

Bill winced and cursed under his breath when you pulled the belt tight, “Ok Bill, I need you to lay flat for me.” helped his head lay down on the pavement as he was slumped against the tire. 

You looked over the arm, thinking, eyes scanning over everything you had around, whispering to yourself, “Think think…” 

Joel put his hand on your back, “Baby, what do you need from me?” he asked softly. 

“Ummm…” you thought about what could work to pack, then got it, “Can you get me some dish towels and duct tape?” you looked at him, “We need to pack this and this gauze isn’t enough…”  

He nodded as he stood up and ran inside, grabbing both within a minute. 

You smiled softly and took them from him, “Thank you sweetheart.” you started to gather them up to best pack the wound, “Bill, I’m going to start packing this, it may hurt, just warning you.” 

He winced as you began packing the wound, trying to stop the bleeding as much as you could. However, he started to lose color and get a little confused with his surroundings. 

“Maria… we need an ETA…” she stood up and took the phone, turning away to speak to the operator. 

Bill’s eyes started to close, so you gently tapped Bill’s face, “Bill, you need to keep your eyes on me. Tell me what’s going on with your truck, talk to me.” you tapped his face again until he opened his eyes.  

The vibe of the area drastically changed after that and people started to worry. Mrs. Miller hugged Tommy, worried. Frank was in tears standing to the side, and Sarah hugged his side to comfort him. Joel knelt by you but gave you enough space to work. He was in complete awe and admired how amazing you were under pressure, this was your element and he was grateful in a way he got to see you work. 

Bill started to slur his speech as he began talking about his truck and his eyes started to close again, his breathing becoming more shallow, you looked at him and touched his cheek, “Shit..” you looked up at Maria for a moment then back down, “Maria, I need an ETA!” you said asked with slight panic in your voice as you started to wrap the tape around his arm to keep the wound packed tightly, “Bill… look at me… keep your eyes open.” you coaxed. 

Maria turned around, “2 minutes… they have sirens going and everything.” 

You tapped Bill's cheek, “Bill wake up…” he didn’t respond. 

“Fuck.” you felt his pulse point, barely anything, he’s bleeding out. You leaned down to listen for breath sounds, weak and uneven. “God damn it Bill…” you said as you listened. 

“Maria, tell them his pulse is weak and breath sounds are weak and uneven, I’m starting compression and mouth to mouth, they will need an immediate crash cart upon arrival…” you yelled to her and then angled his head to the correct angle for compressions and mouth-to-mouth then sat up on your knees and started compressions. She nodded and relayed the information to the operator, turning around to hear what they were saying better.

Frank started to sob and Sarah did too, you looked at Sarah as you started pumping Bill’s chest, “Sarah, go inside sweetheart, I need you to get me my pouch that has a red cross on it, it's up in the bedroom…” 

She nodded and ran into the house, you stopped after a set amount of compressions and did two breaths into Frank's mouth then started doing compressions again, “She doesn’t need to see this.” you said as you looked over at Joel with a sad look in your eye, doing what you could to shield and protect her, he nodded and put his hand on your back in support. 

You looked at Maria, and she nodded at you knowing you wanted an update, “They are pulling into the neighborhood, I’m going to flag them down.” she ran down the driveway, and you began to hear sirens in the distance. 

You did two more breaths and then started to continue compressions, “Hold on Bill, I got you… stay with me.” you gritted as you pumped his chest. 

You looked at Frank, “Frank look at me, he’s going to be ok. He’s just lost a lot of blood, ok?” you continued to pump and then did two more breaths then felt his pulse, it was getting stronger, you nodded and continue compressions, “There we go… there’s that pulse comin’ back.” you chuckled out of breath from compressions, “Come on…” you looked up and saw lights pulling into the street. 

Maria brought two paramedics to where you were, one a woman and one man, they had a transfer board and the crash equipment, you continued to do compressions as you explained what was going on, what happened, his stats, and how his pulse was getting stronger with compressions. 

“Ok, we need to load him up, can you help?” the woman asked setting the transfer board down on the ground next to Bill.  

You nodded and rolled Bill on his side so they could put the transfer board under him. You looked at the pair, “I’ll lift the board if one of you straddles him and continues compressions into the truck…” you suggested.

The woman nodded and straddled Bill and started compressions again, you went to the head of the board and grabbed the end, your cleavage showing as you had to bend down a little, “On three?” you asked the other paramedic. He was looking at your cleavage, you glared at him, “Oi, eyes are up here… on three we lift?” you bit out. 

Joel heard and saw him ogling you, and glared at the paramedic. 

He cleared his throat and nodded, turning red, “On three…” he said.

You both lifted on three, grunting and then walking to the gurney behind some of the cars, Frank following close behind. 

Elena came up and touched Joel’s arm as he stood and watched, “She’s got fire mijo…” she said smiling softly watching you with him from a distance. 

Joel nodded and blushed watching you, “She’s amazing mama…” he hugged his mom to his side. 

You helped load Bill in and stepped out of the bay, after telling Frank you guys would come visit in a few days. He thanked you and hugged you then hopped into the bay, sitting and holding Bill’s hand.

The male paramedic cleared his throat as he jumped out of the bay after you and looked at you, drinking you in, and he smirked at you, “Hey, uh you ever wanna g-…”

Joel cleared his throat, coming up behind you and wrapped his arm around you, pulling you close to him, “Everything good to go darlin’...?” he kissed your bare shoulder, keeping eye contact with the paramedic. 

You blushed at Joel’s motives and knew what he was doing, you stepped back into his hold, “I think so cowboy… Bill’s conscious now…” You looked at the paramedic, “You guys are good, right? Going to Austin General?” you cocked your head at him, smiling sweetly.

The paramedic swallowed and cleared his throat, “Yes ma’am. Thank you for all you did to help.” 

He looked at Joel and nodded at him, “Ya’ll have a good night…”

Joel smirked, “Oh, we will…” he leaned down and kissed your shoulder then inside of your neck softly. 

He nodded embarrassed and closed the bay door and then tapped it twice before going around to the driver’s seat and driving off with Bill and Frank to the hospital. 

You chuckled watching the truck drive away, “Did you just lose our bet or should I give you a freebie with those funny business kisses and touching?” you teased as you leaned against him smiling. 

He kissed you again on the neck and took a breath, inhaling your scent, humming, “I give in… I can’t handle not holding you the rest of the night.” he rubbed your stomach with his thumb. 

You smiled and slowly pulled away, biting your lip, looking at him lovingly, “Come on then, let’s go have a good rest of the night…” you kissed his cheek, “I’m gonna go freshen up, wanna get the firepit started?” 

He nodded “Yeah sure baby…” but then looked at you with so much love in his gaze and took your cheeks in his hands and leaned in and kissed you softly and slowly a couple of times, pulling away a little, “You were amazing… I love you so much.” then kissing you once more. 

You smiled against his lips then pulled away and hummed, “I love you too sweetheart…” you kept your hands behind your back as you didn’t want to get him dirty with how much blood was on them. 

You walked back up the driveway, eager to wash yourself up, internally starting to feel overstimulated by the familiar sensation of blood on your hands.

Maria and Tommy were talking to Elena and Sarah. You smiled at Elena kindly and nodded your head as she looked at you before grabbing your bag and heading inside. 

She watched you and saw you roll your shoulders and shake your hands out, starting to feel anxious. 

Joel came up to the group of people hanging in the front yard and smiled, “Ok, the good news is Bill will be ok, he’s headed to the hospital. Y/N is going to freshen up and then we’re gonna do a firepit and do smores and put some music on.” 

Everyone let a breath of relief out and nodded, heading back inside to the backyard. 

Elena came up and took Joel’s hand, “Mijo… go check on her… ella parecía ansiosa al entrar…” (She looked anxious heading inside)   

Joel looked at the front door and nodded, then looked at her, “Can you ask Tommy to get the firepit started?” 

She nodded and kissed his cheek, “Of course, mijo.”

You went upstairs and shut the bedroom door quickly, starting to feel slightly on edge. You shook your hands out again and clenched your jaw trying to blow it off. You took your dress off which had Bill’s blood on it and put it in the hamper, before going to the sink and turning on the water, washing the blood off your hands, feeling yourself start to feel anxious by the familiar image of what happened with Z, flashes started to cross your mind. You let out a breath and shook your head, “No… it’s ok. I’m ok.” then you dried off your hands. You walked to the closet and got some loose-fitting Wrangler jeans and a baggy but cute brown sweater. You put it over your head, pulling your hair out and looking at yourself in the mirror, mentally telling yourself you were going to be ok. 

You sat on the bed to put on some different shoes and stood to go back downstairs when you heard someone’s truck backfire that was leaving the house. However, to you, it sounded like gunfire and you were instantly transported back to Delta 30. Flashes of Z and his body clouded your mind and instantly felt like you were suffocating, your heart started to race and you started to breathe fast, tears blurring your vision, feeling the room close in around you, you shrunk to the floor and curled into the corner, “Fuck.. fuck…” you started to hyperventilate. 

You shut your eyes and whispered, “Breathe…” you put your hand on your chest and felt your heart racing, your hand was shaking against your chest. 

Joel knocked on the door gently, “Darlin’, can I come in?” no answer.

You didn’t even register anything around you, your ears were ringing, and your senses were all over the place. 

Joel knocked again, “Sweetheart?” no answer. 

He opened the door and peeked in and saw you in the corner, hyperventilating, curled in fear looking at the bed. He instantly bolted over to you, kneeling in front of you, taking off his hat to get close to you, “Baby?” he gently took your face in his hands, and had you look at him, your eyes looked terrified, “Baby I need you to breathe for me…” his eyebrows furrowed in concern as he looked over you, “Hey… look at me, breathe in through your nose…” he took a breath in through his nose for you to mimic. 

You weren’t registering anything, his voice was muffled and your ears rang, you shut your eyes and held your hand against your heart, “I…” you started to cry, unable to catch your breath, breathing fast and unevenly. 

After speaking to Tommy earlier, he researched how to help with panic attacks and other things you might experience so he would be ready to help. 

He racked his brain to choose something he read to help.  

Joel stroked your cheeks “Hey… I got you, sweetheart, here…” he took your hand, opened your palm, and started to draw a circle in it, repeatedly, watching your reaction, you looked at what he was doing and your breathing slowly started to slow down. “There we go… shhh… it’s ok.” he kept doing it, leaning forward to kiss your forehead, whispering against your skin, “I got you, my love.” 

You watched as he continued to draw circles, beginning to come back to him, tears falling and starting to ramble as you were watching his finger, “He… he was just there and then he wasn’t…” your lip trembled, “I should have protected him… I didn’t check what was behind me and got detained… he… he got shot while I was captured because I didn’t do the one fucking thing I was trained to do in combat… check my surroundings…” you sobbed, “... he was a child… a baby… and he… he’s dead because of me…” you closed your palm and pulled it to your chest, reclusing back to the corner. 

Joel looked at you and shook his head frantically then touched your cheek, “No… no my love… hey… come here…” he moved quickly and sat by you and pulled you onto his lap, to lay between his legs, holding you close, putting your head on his chest so you could hear his heart to calm you down, kissing your head and he held you tight, “Darlin’, it was not your fault...” he rubbed your arms and back slowly and softly, “What happened back there, I will never understand what you truly went through, but I do know one thing, and that is, none of it was your fault.” he kissed your head, “None of it.”

You closed your eyes and tried to concentrate on his heartbeat, “I… I feel like he died because I wasn’t careful enough.” you admitted quietly through tears. 

Joel kissed your temple softly, and whispered, “Baby he died because evil men shot and killed a defenseless kid in the back of a car.” he sighed sadly, “His death is on them, not you.” 

You kept your eyes closed and focused on your breathing, taking in Joel’s words, focusing on what was around you, smells, sounds, textures. 

Joel gently would squeeze your arms and rub your back, trying to release tension, whispering soft promises of protection and safety to you. 

You calmed your breathing and nodded before sitting up slowly and wiping your tears, sniffing, “I’m ok…” you sighed softly. 

Joel took your hand softly and kissed it, finding your eyes, “We can send everyone home… do you need tonight to be done? I’ll go out and kick everyone out…” he said with every fiber of him. He’d burn the world for you. 

You chuckled and shook your head, wiping your tears before touching his cheek softly, “No… I need to be around our people tonight. I just need to be with you and I’ll be ok.” you smiled softly at him. 

He nodded, “I’m here, I won’t leave ya sweetheart.” he smiled and leaned in and kissed your forehead before pulling you in his arms once more. 

You hugged him and it was like everything dissolved, he brought such peace to you that you never thought you’d have, it was hard to describe but you knew with him, you were safe. 

He held you and then you pulled away after a couple of minutes and slowly stood up, grabbing his hat from the floor, and held out your hand for him to take, softly smiling at him. 

He took it and stood, standing inches from you, you leaned up and kissed him softly, while putting his hat back on his head, then pulled away, “You’re wearin’ this more often, yeah?” 

He chuckled, “Anythin’ you wish is my command, mi vida…” he cupped your cheek and kissed you slower this time, holding onto your lips, savoring this moment he had with you. 

You blushed and smiled after he pulled away, keeping your eyes closed, “Kiss me more like that too, yeah?” 

He smiled and nodded, rubbing his nose against yours, chuckling softly, “I can arrange that…” he leaned back in and kissed you again, this time holding onto your waist and the back of your head and neck, supporting your neck as he kissed you. 

You pulled away slowly after a few kisses, “If we don’t stop, we won’t make it back downstairs…” You looked up at him and slowly backed away, holding onto his hand as you walked backward. 

He bit his lip and smiled, “Maybe that’s what I want…” he let you drag him towards the door as you softly giggled. You opened up the door and let go of his hand and began walking down the hall, towards the stairs, hearing some music playing outside and people laughing and talking amongst themselves. 

Joel stood in the doorway and watched you for a moment, soaking you in. This was the happiest he’d ever been, aside from when Sarah was born. However this changed everything including his fears and anxieties, he didn’t want you to be consumed by what happened in the past. Whether that was your past back in Afghanistan or with Charlie, he promised to do whatever he could to protect and make you happy, keep those tears and fears away from you as best he could. 

You went down a few stairs then looked back and saw him in the doorway, you smiled and held out your hand, “Come on, they are dancin’ out there and I wanna see those moves you told me you had.” you giggled. 

He smiled warmly and pushed off the door and joined you, taking your hand, and walking with you out to the back.

9:48 pm 

People had slowly started to head home, even Elena who had a longer drive than most. Joel offered her the guest room but she insisted on going back home. You asked her to call either Joel or Tommy and let them know when she got home safely which she did about an hour after she left. 

Frank called and let you all know that they started some blood transfusions for Bill and he was going to be fine, they repaired his hand and found the cause of the bleeding. He said that he was going to be monitored for the next few days but everything was going to be ok. 

Sarah went home with one of her friends who begged Joel to let her sleepover as they wanted to watch a movie that had just come out for rent at the movie store. Joel told Sarah to call him before she went to sleep but let her go happily as that meant he’d have the house with you tonight. 

Tommy and Maria, a few other tipsy neighbors, and you both were left in the backyard. You were sitting by the fire laughing and talking to a neighbor of Joel’s and Maria. Joel and Tommy were insistent that you and Maria remained seated while they cleaned up a little and straightened up. 

There was music softly playing over the speakers and for the most part, people just talked while it played, the dancing had dimmed down after the masses headed home. Joel and Tommy showed off their moves and invited you and Maria to join them as they’d teach you how to do it. However, it was just an excuse for them to have you both close to them and sneak kisses from you in between each step. You and Maria caught on though and had a rough idea of how to dance. 

You had a glass of wine in your hand and were wrapped in a blanket, chuckling at a story Maria was telling when you heard a song come over the speaker, ‘Thinking Out Loud’ by Ed Sheeran. You smiled seeing Joel walk over to you with a warm smile on his face and stop in front of you with one hand behind his back and one hand outstretched towards you, “May I have this dance with you darlin’...” 

You nodded, “Of course my love…” you put your glass down and gently slid your hand into his as you stood up. 

He brought your hand to his lips and kissed it then slowly walked you to the middle of the yard and held yours and his hand at his chest while pulling you in by your waist and slowly started swaying side to side with you as the song played. 

Some lights lined the backyard above you giving you, giving it a light and romantic atmosphere. Along with the fire pit burning, it was perfect. 

Joel hummed along to the first part of the song, holding you close, keeping eye contact with you before he started softly singing along, 

“And darling I will be loving you 'til we're 70

And baby my heart could still fall as hard at 23

And I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways

Maybe just the touch of a hand

Oh me I fall in love with you every single day

And I just wanna tell you I am

So honey now

Take me into your loving arms

Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars

Place your head on my beating heart

I'm thinking out loud

Maybe we found love right where we are…”

You smiled up at him and put your free hand on his cheek as he sang along, gently stroking and tracing your fingers against his cheek, swaying along with him, holding his hand against his chest. 

Joel kept singing to you, gently rubbing his thumb along your waist and the back of your hand as he swayed with you, completely in the moment with you, not caring about anyone or anything else around, just you. He’d occasionally bring your hand to his lips and kiss it or your forehead.

Maria grabbed your phone that was sitting by your seat and took a few photos of the two of you, knowing how you always mentioned that was important to you, to photograph special moments with your loved ones, but that no one did it for you when you were in the moment. 

Towards the end of the song Joel took a step back and spun you around softly then pulled you into him to have your back against him and to hold you tight, arms around your waist as he swayed and leaned his head down and whispered into your ear, “I love you so much darlin’, thank you for all you do to make me happy.” he kissed your shoulder, inner neck and then cheek before setting his head by yours and closing his eyes as the two of you swayed like that to the rest of the song. 

Once it was over, Tommy whistled loudly, “Alright, I think that’s a good way to end a wonderful evening! If everyone will please gather your things, please take any leftovers you brought or would like and thank our hosts - it’s time to head home!” 

You chuckled and stayed against Joel, “Sounds like Tommy wants to go to bed…” 

Joel chuckled and kissed your cheek before pushing against your hip gently to spin you back around and pull you against him slowly and softly, continuing to sway with you while another slow song played in the background softly. He cupped your cheek and smiled looking down at you, “Did you have a good time today?” he caressed your cheek softly. 

You smiled, “I did, I’d love to do this like once a month or something with our friends and family… host a dinner or barbeque… it’s the most fun I’ve had in a long time with a big group of people.” you looked up at him while you both swayed, ignoring the mass of people packing up to leave. 

“We can do that. How about every 2nd Saturday, we will do that, invite anyone we want to and it can either be something entirely made by us or like a potluck thing.” he said softly, “Anything you want to do, I’ll make it happen.” he leaned down and kissed your lips softly, pulling back slowly. 

You blushed thinking of something would love to do with him but you didn’t want to mention it as you criticized yourself for even thinking of it so early into your relationship with him. However, it’s how you felt, you wanted a life with him in every sense and meaning of it. You wanted to marry him, you knew that he was it, you had found your soulmate and partner in life, your best friend. You both had already admitted you wanted to have kids together and add to your family, it was just a matter of time before you got married, right? That was something Joel would want too, or so you thought. From what you know, Rachelle and he didn’t marry. They got pregnant with Sarah and then she left, he never mentioned marriage or divorce, just that she left. Was marriage something he wanted with you, or let alone anyone? You started to feel yourself overthink and some anxiety bubbled up and were just about to say something to Joel when Mrs. Rose came and touched your arm, snapping you out of the rabbit hole your mind just went down. 

“Thank you so much for the invite, I had a lovely time!” she smiled at the both of you and pulled you into a gentle hug and then grabbed Joel by the face and hugged him as well. He was hesitant but gave in and wrapped his arms around her softly, giving her a nice gentle hug. 

“Thank you for comin’ Rose. You’re a permanent invite on our guest list for future events, and always will.” you said smiling at her hugging Joel. 

She pulled back and smiled at you both, “Joel, could I trouble you for your help? I brought some casseroles but it’s dark and I w-” 

He cut her off, “I’d be happy to help Rose, don’t need to explain… just ask.” he smiled kindly. 

You saw something switch in Joel, especially in how he just interacted with Rose. Maybe Frank was right, maybe Joel wasn’t so grumpy towards those he usually is grumpy to? 

You gently touched her arm, “I’ll see you around, I’m going to go inside and make sure nothing gets left behind by others.” you smiled at Joel and went back inside to the kitchen. 

Mostly everything got taken by its rightful owner, all but two empty pie crystal dishes which you knew were Frank and Bills. 

You looked at the sink filled with dishes and rolled up your sleeves, thinking that you didn’t want to do anything tomorrow but rot and enjoy a nice easy day around the house with Joel. 

You filled one side of the sink with warm soapy water and the other with dirty dishes, you tied up your hair in a ponytail and put your phone on the counter which was playing some Fleetwood Mac on a lower volume. 

People greeted you and thanked you as they left, and after about 5 minutes, the house was empty.

You continued to wash dishes and either put them in the dishwasher for a deeper clean or put them on a drying rack near the sink to dry off during the night and put them away tomorrow. 

Maria and Tommy cleaned up the kitchen and living room by sweeping and wiping down the surfaces before telling you goodnight and heading to the guest room together. 

About a half hour later you heard Joel come through the front door and softly call for you, “Baby?” he took off his boots by the door. 

“Kitchen, sweetheart…” you said as you smiled washing down a pot that you used for mac and cheese earlier. 

Joel came in and smiled, coming up and touching your waist, kissing your cheek, “Where did Tommy and Maria go?” he grabbed a dish rag in the drawer by you and stood next to you starting to hand dry the dishes that were on the rack, doing his best to help or stay busy next to you. 

“They went to bed, they helped wipe down and tidy the kitchen before though, I just have been working on this mountain of dishes for a little bit.” you smiled and put the pot in the dishwasher, deciding it needed a deeper clean. “Did you get trapped by Rose?” 

Joel smiled and nodded, “Yeah, she needed help lifting something back onto a shelf in her garage and then chatted my ear off while I slowly backed up down her driveway towards the sidewalk.” he chuckled and started to stack plates that he would dry off to put away. 

You chuckled and dumped a bowl full of silverware into the water to soak, “She’s a hoot. I like her…” 

Joel nodded, “Me too, I just need to be better about tellin’ the woman I need to go.” he looked over at you, “I think gets lonely sometimes and I feel bad, you know?” 

You nodded and looked back at him, “Was there ever a Mr. Rose?” then you looked down and started scrubbing the silverware with a sponge. 

“Yeah, he passed about 5 years ago, Julio was his name. He was a nice guy, but he passed all of a sudden, I think he had a stroke or somethin’... Rose said he had a clot that traveled up to his brain.” he said sadly. 

You nodded, “Aneurysm it sounds like…” you said softly and sighed, “... that’s rough.” 

Joel nodded and continued to dry things off, “Can… what can cause that?” he sounded slightly concerned. 

“A lot of things, but mostly smoking, trauma, and genetic markers. Trauma is the most common though, the person hits their head or gets their chest crushed, it can lead to it.” you tsked, “It's a peaceful way to go though… you don’t feel a thing, you just… stop.” 

Joel looked over at you and nodded, “He was a smoker… I guess that makes sense.” he looked at the dishes he was drying, “And he didn’t suffer… that’s comforting to know.” 

You nodded, “If he did pass of an aneurysm, he would have just stopped breathing, but it wouldn’t have hurt him, he would have never known.” 

Joel nudged you softly, “Ok so we agree neither of us is dying that way, right?” 

You looked at him and chuckled, nodding, “Deal.” You started to load up the rest of the silverware in the dishwasher and then you bent down and grabbed a tablet from under the sink and put it in, starting the dishwasher’s cycle. You then unplugged the water rinsed down the sink then started to put away dishes. 

Joel smiled, “If I tell you to go upstairs and rest, you won’t will you?” 

You shook your head and chuckled taking a pile of plates in your arms, “Nope, we finish this together and go up together.” you walked behind him to the cabinet the plates go in. 

“Stubborn little thing you are…” he smirked at you. 

You looked at him and smiled, “Yep!” you giggled and continued to put plates away, humming along to the song that was playing on your phone. 

Joel shook his head and smiled, loving how easily you could make him happy. He put the remaining dishes away and then wiped down the counter with the rag before tossing it into the laundry room, coming back to the kitchen as you were wiping down the other counters with a dish rag, smiling softly. 

You turned around and smiled at him, he came over and put his hands on your waist, leaning in and kissing you softly, “Ready for bed?” pulling away gently and slowly taking your hand to pull you upstairs. 

You took his cowboy hat off his head and put it on yours, smiling, untying your hair to let it flow down your shoulders and back, “When do we get to go dancin’ cowboy?” 

He smirked and looked down at you, you looked adorable in his hat, but also something deeper erupted in him and he had to feed it, “I’ll take ya next weekend my love…” he kissed your lips slowly, cupping your cheek towards him, slowly pulling away after a few kisses, softly and lowly saying against your lips, “Darlin’ do you know about the ‘cowboy hat’ rule that you just broke?” he gently kissed you again, this time deeper, pushing you against the counter. 

You giggled against his lips, “Is this a legit rule or one you made up cowboy?” 

He grinned and pulled back slowly from your lips, grabbing your waist and lifting you to sit on the counter above him, slotting himself between your legs, looking up at you, nipping the tip of your nose gently, “It’s a real rule…” he had eyes full of lust, all the pent up tension you both had from teasing each other today, was coming to a head. 

You loosely wrapped your arms around his shoulders and teased your fingers into his hair, “I see… and what does this rule entail then handsome?” you leaned in and kissed his lips slowly, pulling his hair gently as you held onto his lips, smirking as you kissed him. 

He hummed and breathlessly pulled away from your lips, “Mmm first, you won our bet, where am I takin’ you?” he gently kissed your lips then moved his head down to your neck and began littering you with kisses and love bites there. 

You softly moaned, “Can I cash in my location for somewhere a little more… public another day?” you grinned knowing that would excite him. 

He groaned against your skin, and nodded, not being able to form a response for that request, he looked up at you and licked his lip, “Bedroom then?” he seemed desperate to get you somewhere, alone and quickly. 

You nodded and pushed his chest for him back up a little before you slid off the counter and then gently grabbed his shirt collar, pulling him close to you, leaning up to capture his lips, kissing him deeply a couple of times, before pulling back and grabbing his shirt and pulling it off him, throwing it to the floor then pulling yours off, revealing a black lace bra that left little to the imagination. 

Joel’s jaw dropped and he smirked. Between the wrangler jeans you had on, your bra, and the hat on your head, you were the image of a cowboy’s wet dream, “Fuck you’ve been hidin’ this from me all day?” he stepped forward and went to grab you when you stuck your hand out to stop him, biting your lip. 

“What’s the cowboy hat rule?” you held him where he was. 

He grinned, “If you steal a cowboy’s hat, you have to ride the cowboy darlin’...” he looked at your body up and down from where he was. 

You cleared your throat, “Eyes are up here…” you giggled. 

His eyes snapped up and met yours and then he gently took your hand and pulled it to his lips, “I apologize darlin’, I just can’t help myself…” he said making his southern drawl more intense as he looked at you with those big brown eyes and started to try and move towards you again. 

You bit your lip and stepped back, holding him where he was, “Mmm, hold it right there, I want you to do something for me baby…” you looked at him up and down, drinking him in. He was standing there in his jeans and belt that was very ‘cowboy’ of him and shirtless and you were soaking your panties while you were standing there, admiring and thinking of everything you wanted to do to his body. 

He nodded and was breathing quicker, more excited, there was an obvious bulge in his pants, “Anythin’ baby…”  

You looked over at the stove clock, “I’m going to go upstairs, and I’m going to touch myself…” the clock read 11:19 pm, you looked back at him and said slower, breathlessly, “If you can stand here… and wait til that clock hits 11:30 pm before coming upstairs to join me, we can film this… ‘cowboy rule’...” you grabbed his phone from the counter and grinned at him. 

He grinned sinfully, and groaned hearing this request, “And if I can’t wait my love?” he kissed your inner wrist, eyes on you. 

“You won’t need to worry about that baby, because you’re going to be good, and wait, aren’t ya?” you smirked and pulled our hand away, backing up towards the stairs then you stopped a few feet away and turned around and undid your jeans. 

You looked behind your shoulder biting your lip as you slowly slid them down your ass which revealed a black silk thong. You stepped out of your jeans, turned around to face him, and tilted the cowboy hat towards him, revealing the sinful black set you were wearing, “Remember cowboy, 11:30…” You winked and ran up the stairs. 

Joel was speechless and dropped to his knees, worshipping the ground you walk on with his cock straining painfully against his jeans.

You ran up and closed the door so it was just cracked open, you opted to keep everything you were wearing on as you knew Joel would enjoy taking it off when he’d inevitably make it upstairs. 

You took his phone and turned the camera on, pushing the record button, and then laid it down facing the bed on the dresser which sat at the foot of the bed, making it the perfect angle to capture you both at any position you may be folded into. You bit your lip and smirked as you backed up and looked at the bed.

You knelt in the middle of the bed, facing the door, which was also towards the camera so while you waited for him, you used the camera to your advantage knowing he’d see this too once it was saved to his phone. 

You slid your hand down your panties, finding your clit, and started to rub circles onto it lightly, moaning softly, smiling as you put your other hand behind your back, feeling how sensitive you are by just your touch, you felt excited to be fucked senseless by Joel. 

Downstairs, Joel knelt and held onto the counter like it was a lifeline, whispering, “11:30…” to himself as he looked back and forth from the stairs to the stove clock. 

He heard you moan his name at 11:26 pm and just about ran up, not caring about the recording, no matter how fucking hot it was you wanted to do that. 

He stood up and whispered “Fuck it…” and only made it a few steps before he bit his thumbnail frustrated and shook his head backing down, circling right back to where he was and kneeling back down again to avoid temptation. 

He watched the clock on the wall above the table which allowed him to see the seconds tick down. He tapped his thumb against the counter and watched as the minute hand got closer and closer to the 6. His breathing was slow and controlled but his heart was pounding excitedly. His feet were ready to run as soon as he gave himself permission to. 

He heard you moan again but louder at 11:29 and 15 seconds. He grinned and muttered to himself, “Less than a minute Joel, hold on…” he watched painfully as that clock ticked closer and closer to 11:30 and once it hit he didn’t waste a second. 

He slapped the lights off and ran up the stairs, 2 at a time, and at one time towards the top, using his hands to help him crawl up faster. The minute he got into the bedroom he closed and locked the door, and saw you on your knees, fingers teasing your clit as you had just come down from an orgasm. 

You sat up on your knees, pulling your fingers from your core, and licked your fingers as you made eye contact with him, humming in delight. You ran your hands down your body to the strings of your thong hugging your hips and started to tug on them, “Come ‘ere cowboy, I believe I need to saddle up…” you said lowly, then bit your lip as you rocked your hips back and forth as you had your legs spread like you were already straddling something. 

Joel swallowed and racked his brain, did he want to take this quick and erratic, or be slow and sensual, taking every ounce of pleasure from you? His cock was saying the first, but his heart and head said the other. 

He smirked and nodded then came to the bed and kneeled in front of you, gently took your face in his hands, cupping your cheeks, and leaned down to kiss you slowly, deeply, and with every ounce and atom of love he could put into a kiss. 

He pulled away slowly and said against your lips, “We’re gonna take this slow, I want to still be pulling pleasure from your sweet lips when that sun comes up…” he leaned back in and continued to kiss you, sliding his tongue between your lips after a few. 

You moaned softly and moved your hands down from his chest to his belt and began to unbuckle it and then his pants. 

He moved his hands down to his pants and tugged them down, along with his boxers, letting his cock spring free. The tip was red and angry with lust, dripping sweet precum from it. 

You put the hat back on his head after seeing his cock spring free and pulled from his lips slowly before moving your knees back and leaning down to lick up his shaft. You ass up in the air and lean on your elbows as you began to suck on his tip in front of him. 

He grunted when your lips sealed around his tip and began taking him down your throat, “Fuck… your mouth feels so good ‘round this cock…” he gathered your hair up in his hands and held your hair back for you as you continued to suck him off, getting further and further down our throat. He looked down and groaned, smirking, your eyes already looking up at him, “Fuck you look so hot like this… cock in your mouth, ass in the air…” he clenched his teeth and reached forward, to grab your ass, and shake it in his grasp. 

He began to rock his hips gently down your throat and move his fingers down your thong seam, feeling how wet you were, “Fuck baby, you’re such a good girl, cummin' on your fingers to get ready to take me…” he slapped your ass softly, earning a moan from you which caused him to whine as the vibrations around his cock almost became too much. 

He sat up and let go of your hair, which for you meant to take yourself off his cock, “Mmm fuck, my turn…” Joel grinned down at you and softly pinched your chin between his thumb and forefinger, bringing you back up to him, he leaned in and kissed your lips deeply then sucked on your bottom lip and pulled away, making you moan and grin. 

“Lay on your back…” he said lowly, panting softly. 

You scooted backward a little and then lay on your back, head on the pillows. Looking up at him, you breathed slowly and controlled. 

He slowly ran his hands down your thighs and touched the fabric sitting on your hips, hooking his fingers under it, “Hips up beautiful…” he requested. 

You lifted your hips and he pulled your thong off, smirking as he leaned over and opened his nightstand drawer, putting them inside and shutting it, “Those are mind now…” he leaned back up and gently spread your legs before backing his knees up and laying down on his stomach, nestling his head between your thighs, kissing them softly. 

He hummed and smiled as he continued to kiss them, “I only have one request…” he said into your skin. 

You looked down at him and your breathing sped up with him now between your legs, ready to devour your core. 

“You are not to hold back any of those sweet sounds that come from that beautiful mouth of yours…” he looked up at you with those big brown eyes, “Tommy and Maria were so drunk on wine and whiskey they are out cold, they won’t hear a thing, you understand?” he kissed your thigh, inches away from your soaking core. 

You gasped and nodded, “No holding back…” 

He bit his lip gently and then hummed looking at the sight in front of him, “That’s a good girl…” slowly leaning in and starting to lap up what you already had to give him before taking more.

Previous chapter - Next Chapter

A/N : hehehehehehe ya’ll thirsty for more… nasty bitches 🤠 this will be continuing in chpt 9 so get readyyyy 🙂‍↕️🫦

taglist:  @sarahhxx03, @blahkateisdone, @sunnytuliptime, @pedroscurls, @docharleythegeekqueen

[shalomniscient]

I‘M HERE I‘M HERE WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS IN ACTOR ARLE

okay so disclaimers first this is somewhat joint brainrot with @/sea-lanterns and also within the context of selfshipping instead of being a real standalone au so this is just going to be a lot of sevchino yappery dhskfjdh ok disclaimers over

like i mentioned in the masterpost arle is an actress who primarily sort of "specialises" in more dramatic roles like suspense, thriller and psychological stuff. she has this aura about her that lends itself well to playing villains or antiheroes or any role that involves really digging deep into the head of a character who might not be exactly "good". she's a very well-established figure in the film industry, with an oscar, emmy and golden globe to her name. the only one she's missing is a tony, but arle doesn't do broadway theatre.

arle was initially a child actor under hearth ent. and starred in a few horror movies as a side character, before she took a hiatus at around age 16. when she turned 17 the director of hearth ent. was arrested for an absolute laundry list of crimes which include child abuse. arle only came back to acting at around age 21 under fatui ent., landing a big role in a thriller film as the main antagonist, the enraged spirit of a murdered child seeking revenge on the perpetrators and the people who stood by and watched. the movie was an absolute runaway hit and propelled arle's career further than anyone really expected. despite the movie's success arle is the most guarded about it in interviews, not really elaborating on her thought process and feelings during filming leading many to believe it was a sort of catharsis for her following the scandal that broke out with the former director of hearth ent., but this is just pure speculation.

the movie achieved such success that arle gained somewhat of a cult following, which still follow her to this day now that she's in her early 40s. despite this, arle is still a very private individual. she doesn't have any personal social medias, only official ones managed by fatui ent, and a lot of the stuff her fans know about her only come from official interviews or comments from her colleagues. paparazzi hesitate to follow her too closely or bother her too much because she reportedly has "a very intimidating presence". there's a famous picture of arlecchino staring right into the lens of a pap from at least 20ft away, looking murderous, and ever since then her paparazzi following dramatically decreased. hence, with the exception of the hearth scandal, arle's name is very rarely mentioned or embroiled in typical celebrity drama.

at some point in the middle of her career, arle took over hearth ent., which had been languishing on the brink of bankruptcy ever since the scandal. using her influence and her own skill she rebranded the talent agency into the hearth ent. it is today, famous for producing diamonds such as the broadway duo lyney and lynette. the new hearth ent. is also well known for its strict rules when dealing with projects and directors wanting to hire their talents, and also for taking the safety and protection of their talents very seriously. as a result, hearth ent. is now one of the most desirable talent agencies on the market to join for up and coming actors and actresses.

ok now that we're done with backstory it's super self indulgent sevchino time <333 in this au sev meets arle not as a fellow actress but as a director. sev dabbles a little in acting with some side roles but overall prefers being behind the camera rather than in front of it. the movie being shot this time is a psychological thriller about a killer of killers, with arlecchino playing the main protagonist. arle and sev get close over the course of the shoot, bonding over stuff like creative vision, the movie's themes, and their own personal interests, but nothing happens in the interest of keeping things professional. it's only after the shoot that arle makes a move, and it's a very slow burn colleagues to friends to lovers type romance. it's so slow moving the tabloids don't even realise until the wedding pictures drop on arle's official instagram. after that, it's a bit of a media storm but both sev and arle are pretty private people so it's still difficult to pry any information of the relationship out of them that they're not willing to personally divulge. when the sevchino kids start popping up arle also spares no expense in hiring a team of lawyers to ensure that any unwanted photos of them on the internet get taken down almost immediately.

as a closing note, one little scenario that has been absolutely haunting me since the inception of this au is sevchino at a red carpet event. it's a pretty popular question for interviewers to ask "who are you wearing?" and for the interviewee to respond with the name of the designer who made their outfit. arle would see sev taking this question and detailing the story behind her overclothes, swing by and chime "don't forget the victoria's secret underneath" and then go a little further down the carpet to take her own interview. rip sev being exposed like that but she'll be exposed in more fun ways later after the event 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ ok bye that's enough selfship delusion for this week

[homestuckreplay]

In Another Timeline, I Found A Good Title For This Post

(page 1196-1219; timeline theories)

The pacing of this intermission is kind of unbelievable – double digit pages for the past five days in a row. With that, all four members of the Midnight Crew have been introduced, so I’ve put together this quick table showing some of the patterns we’ve seen so far. About 75% of the time I spent making this was researching hat styles.

Page 1211 was the moment I really bought into this intermission. Up til now it’s been fun, but I have been missing the beta kids. But ‘You're gonna jump to a timeline where he's dead’ has really grabbed me, because this is new – as far as we know, Acts 1-3 took place in a single timeline, where loops are closed and everything’s stable. Now, the possibilities are anything. Calling it now that we’ll learn in Act 4 that a critical earlier event actually happened in a different timeline to everything else.

Also the two of spades turning into Slick’s licorice scottie dogs between panels is a really good bit. It ALMOST makes up for the ‘jack king off’ joke on page 1197, which is probably the worst joke in Homestuck so far.

This page is another highlight! Slick literally did build this town, and it looks totally different from the green-tinged complex architecture of now. I guess this is the flaw in Die’s powers – he can travel to a timeline where somebody is dead, but he can’t choose which one. He’s equally likely to get a timeline where Slick died today as one where Slick died before ever building the town. And maybe more importantly… this page looks kind of like a color switched version of page 248, another wasteland with a city in the distance (although this new one has other planets circling overhead).

So, most likely, Spades Slick and Jack Noir are versions of the same character from different timelines, and that’s why they’re not aware of each other. In the HS timeline, the character becomes a prominent agent of the dark kingdom, while in the MC timeline, he becomes an underground criminal/architect/construction worker on a planet that probably isn’t Earth, and might not even be in the Incipisphere. A city planner would fit right in with WV, PM and AR’s civic infrastructure theme. So the question is, what determines if a NPC leaves the game and returns to the outside universe? And does this mean Jack Noir could also leave, go to Earth, and be the future character who starts off in Dave’s location and flies to join the other three?

It does seem significant that on what’s apparently an alien planet, there is so much human paraphernalia. As well as the Crosbytop and Foxworthy photo, Deuce has a Stretch Armstrong doll. Surely this planet has its own celebrities to draw from. Alchemy still seems likely – Dave definitely has the components in this house to alchemize this doll. And there is a strong suggestion that appearification and sendification could work between planets or into/out of the Incipisphere – page 733 gives a good look at the screen on WV’s appearifier, which could be adjusted to the Incipisphere with the right key. That key isn’t Slick’s spade key, but someone has it. Maybe Snowman or Lord English or Diamonds Droog (who seems a fair bit more competent than Slick). And obviously we know there’s lots of Skaian technology on Earth, but it’s now possible there could be items from this other alien planet, too. Say, rocket boards.

And as a final red string theory (‘Red Strings’ title of DD’s magazine??), Boxcars hypothesizes that ‘you've got to alter the flow of time itself’ to open the Felt’s safe (p.1218). This is a story where one specific time of day has been really important, and has come up over and over again, and now there’s a whole mansion and group of previously unknown characters whose whole deal is controlling and changing time – among other things, these people can decide when it is 4:13 and when it isn’t. Clock faces are the same on this planet as they are on Earth, and the current time is 12:13pm – also the time on Jade’s island at the start of Act 3, for what it’s worth – and Boxcars’ plan to blow up this very important clock feels significant when we know that some places are outside the flow of time of the universe, AND there’s multiple timelines here, which could potentially converge if time is otherwise stopped.

I’m out here getting my head all tangled over this timeline stuff, but the Midnight Crew are not at all. Droog, especially, has this ‘just another day at the office’ familiarity with time travel. He and his crew don’t engage in it at all, but they know what’s up, and it’s no different to knowing what type of disguise or getaway car a rival gang uses. What a fucking idiot, they’ve totally given themself away with this ‘punching me from the future’ move yet again. This moment on page 1203 looks like a stable loop, even if nothing else is – Deuce has arrived after being radioed for backup, and Droog’s trail leads up the stairs, where we know he went after being punched.

Droog and Deuce are both great characters. Droog is like the second in command who’s actually way more competent than the leader. He has clear parallels with Dad Egbert, sort of Dad’s dark mirror, with the same attention to suits and to backup versions of his clothes. Dad also has multiple backup hats, although some are in different styles (p.72), multiple backup pipes, and lots of identical shoes and ties (p.948). We haven’t actually seen a DD analog on the ominous planet – only SS (p.953) and HB (p.957) – so either Dad is going to meet this DD analog, befriend him and be sheltered by him now that he’s escaped prison, OR (more compelling), he’s going to disguise himself as an ominous citizen and BECOME the DD analog in the HS timeline.

As for CD, I just think he’s neat. I love that he’s wearing two hats and one of them is a bomb.

[dizzy-dudd]

Kirby and the Purple Butterfly of the Stars Chapter 1

It was a cold and breezy afternoon in Dream Land. Winter had just begun, and the snow was already starting to fall. Kirby loves the winter, where the ground becomes as soft as the cotton candy clouds in the sky, and the stores in the Waddle Dee Village begin to sell more sweets for the holidays.

Kirby wanted to celebrate the start of the season by having a picnic with his best friends, so he gathered all of his supplies into a basket, wrapped their cute little scarf around himself, and rushed over to Castle Dedede. When arriving in the castle halls, Kirby bumped into Bandana Waddle Dee, one of Dedede’s loyal servants. “Bandana! Do you know where Dedede is? I’m inviting the both of you and Sir Meta Knight over to a friend picnic! I want to celebrate the start of winter together with you guys!” exclaimed an excited Kirby. “Aww, that’s really sweet, Kirby, but I don’t think his majesty is available at the moment. He’s currently in his throne room trying to think of a plan to make sure Dream Land is-” Kirby interrupted them, not hearing the other half of what Bandana Dee was saying. “He is in the throne room right now? Okay, I’ll just go ask him myself!” He went to the doors, too excited to reconsider. “K-Kirby! Wait! You didn’t let me finish!” Bandana Dee pleaded.

Kirby burst through the throne room doors and was greeted by a distressed Dedede sitting at his desk almost buried in papers. “Dedede! How are you doing today?” shouted Kirby. “K-Kirby?! What’re you doin’ here? Don’t ’cha know I’m busy right now?!” screamed the king in return. Kirby hopped up onto Dedede’s desk. “But isn’t today the perfect day for a picnic? Surely you have time to hang out with lil’ ol’ me?!” she asked, with starry excitement in her eyes.

Dedede picked Kirby up and carefully placed him back down next to Bandana Waddle Dee and returned to his desk. “Look Kirby, I’d love to play with you right now, but Dream Land can’t defend itself without me! It is my duty as king to make sure that you and all the other dreamlanders are all safe and happy, and I plan to keep that promise from now on. Please understand, and leave me alone!” exclaimed the king. Kirby and Bandana Dee left quickly afterwards. Dedede grumbled to themselves, “I wish I knew how to read Meta Knight’s blasted handwriting…”

”Wow Kirby!” said Bandana Dee. “That’s the nicest his majesty has treated anyone today. He must really like you a lot!” they teased. “Yeah, that was really nice of him!” replied a nervous Kirby. ‘Dedede must be really busy this time. He doesn’t normally act like that!’ he thought to himself before asking Bandana another question. “Where’s Meta Knight? I’d still like to invite both him and you!” “He should still be at the Halberd nearby!” replied the Waddle Dee. “I can take you there right now!” 

Kirby and Bandana Waddle Dee then headed over to Meta Knight’s airship, ‘The Halberd’, which was parked outside the Castle near the hangar. When he was inside, he saw Meta Knight and his crew training with a couple of village residents. “Oh Meta Knight!” exclaimed Kirby. This startled the knight and nearly made him fall over. Luckily, he still had a sword to support himself. “Kirby!” Meta Knight exclaimed. “You cannot just go around surprising people like that, I could’ve gotten hurt! Just please be patient and wait for me until I can speak with you.” the knight explained. Kirby apologized and patiently waited for Meta, while Bandana Waddle Dee silently watched through the window.

After a couple of minutes, Meta was ready to speak with Kirby. “What was it that you needed me for now?” he asked. Kirby then took a small handful of confetti from the basket and threw it up into the air. “I wanted to invite you for a picnic to start off the winter! Dedede said he was busy, but surely you can still come, right?” Kirby asked. The knight shook his head. “My apologies, Kirby, but I promised a few of the villagers that I would teach them how to sword fight today, and their training has yet to be completed, so I’m afraid I cannot come, ‘tis rather unfortunate.” he said while discreetly eyeing a bar of chocolate he saw slightly sticking out of Kirby’s basket. “Oh, ok.” Kirby nodded silently and left the scene.

On his way out, Kirby looked to Bandana Waddle Dee. “Well, surely you can still come, right Bandana?” he asked with hope still in his eyes. The Waddle Dee unfortunately shook their head, “I’m sorry Kirby, I still have my own business to attend to! Apple juice won’t make itself!” they quickly explained before heading off. ‘Even Bandana Waddle Dee is busy today! What is happening?’

Kirby looked all over Pop Star and even beyond, but no matter where he went, all his friends were busy with their own important duties. At that point, all the food in Kirby’s basket became too cold, so in defeat, Kirby returned to Planet Pop Star, feeling empty-handed.

By the time Kirby had returned to Dream Land, it was nighttime, and the cold winter winds were at their strongest. Whilst trekking through the heavy snow, Kirby spotted something in the distance. Over a field of flowers, that Kirby had never seen before, opened an inter-dimensional rift shaped like a four-pointed star, differing from the usual five-pointed ones. Out from it came another one of Kirby’s species. They were similar to Kirby in shape and size, though only slightly smaller, with their only distinctive features being their lavender hue and their small turquoise horns. Before the rift closed, a luminescent butterfly came from it and landed on the starborn’s face shortly after. Kirby cautiously approached the newcomer and lightly tapped them, but there was no response to be found, they were unconscious.

‘Poor thing!’ Kirby thought to themselves. ‘If they were out here any longer, they could freeze!’ Not wishing that upon them, Kirby quickly grabbed the picnic blanket from his basket and wrapped it around the other astral, scooping them up and bringing them inside of his house. He carefully put them on his soft couch and wrapped them in a fluffier and cozier blanket, lighting the fireplace to make sure they were as warm as possible. Kirby then thought of other ways to make sure their new houseguest could be kept nice and warm, and decided to start making some hot chocolate in the kitchen.

A few hours had passed by since Kirby had taken in his new guest, who slept pretty soundly while Kirby was making their cocoa. When Kirby started putting the finishing touches, his new guest quickly woke up in a cold sweat, which startled Kirby a little. “Oh, you’re finally awake! You looked cold, so I made hot chocolate! This’ll help warm you up for sure!” said Kirby, while grabbing the tray with two mugs of cocoa on it. The guest looked around the room in a panic, frantically asking questions. “W-Who are you? Where am I?” they asked in a panic. Kirby did his best to calm them down. “Woah woah woah! Let’s calm down here. I’ll start off simple. I’m Kirby and you’re in my house! I found you outside in the cold and took you in so you wouldn’t freeze!” she explained. “Now enough about me, who are you?” she then asked. The other starborn paused, struggling to form an answer before mumbling “I don’t know…”. Kirby was shocked by this. “You don’t remember who you are? Not even your name?! That’s horrible!” they exclaimed, to which the other starborn simply shook their head. Kirby took a moment to think about what she could do to help. ‘I can’t possibly imagine how that must feel, not knowing who you are’ he thought to himself, before an idea popped into his head. “Well, I’ll just give you a name then! How does that sound?” he proudly stated. “That could work,” nodded the other starborn. “Let’s try something simple then! You look like me, and you came out of an interdimensional rift, so how does ‘Rifty’ sound?” they explained. It took the other starborn a second to think it over, before smiling softly, “Rifty…I’d like that!” they said cheerily. Kirby was very happy to know that their choice was appreciated. “Yay! I knew you’d like it!” She said with joy as they handed Rifty a mug of cocoa.

“Welcome to Dream Land, Rifty”

To Be Continued…

[camsons]

Things are going to get a lot worse. But we have to always remember that this is temporary. There will still be love and care and parties and celebrations and community within us. It's imperative that we create and maintain community, a community that's able to weather the incoming storm. We have to love our trans brothers and sisters and siblings every single day until we can no longer, until all of the lights go out. We have to love each other everyday as if it were our last. Because everyday could very well be the last. The real material conditions of trans people in America are going to get worse. But we have to fight. We have to fight for ourselves and make community ourselves and love ourselves because no one else will. Trans people have to rely on each other in order to get by. Stockpile hrt, diy if you have to. Learn self defense in order to protect yourself and others, by any means nessecary if you have to. Participate in mutual aid, share resources with those less fortunate. Not just in your local communities, but online as well. Every trans person is your family. You may not like them, they might not be your friend, but they are your family.

Thank you for reading my thoughts. I know today is not a great day, and there likely won't be many great days ahead. But we still have to find solace and comfort within the few moments of respite we can get. I love you.

T4T WILL SAVE US ALL.

[interstella-eyes]

WHAT?!?!?!?!?@@?! THE FUCK?!?@,-,!!

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!?!!?!!!!! 100 followers, and that in less than 6 months on tumblr?,.,!?!?!?! Y’all are insane /pos <3

Little doodle to commemorate ^^

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

PD-MDZS: The Hallmark Episode.

[mel-loly]

-Merry Christmas!💗✨

the tags (↓) are more important!!!

[musubiki]

more m34th lime concept + lime being brave with mochi 😳