#but still coming to them when theres a decision or smth that needs to be resolved

[ophelia16stufff]

shuake post-canon

!OBV SPOILERS!

disclaimer: i prefer shuake over akeshu. everything that i post here is sfw, but theres a difference in the dynamic itself so i like shuake more. i feel like the characterizations of both characters individually fit shuake more. i'd like to get more into this lol, but thats another topic.

anyway coming to headcanons on how they'd end up after p5r

post-canon situation:

obv akechi survives i think its canon in the true ending. i think he would've sustained some injuries and needed both physical and mental rehab, based on that scene that was cut out of the game.

i do think maybe he would never want to see akira again cuz man thats hella embarrassing, but no matter how he tries to rationalize that it would be a Bad Idea, he still reaches out. maybe just for one last time. not sure if its over text or in person.

now, i think akechi would be v aware that he's painfully in love with the guy but akira genuinely isnt aware of his own feelings. i think he gets confused between platonic and romantic feelings bec he just cares that much about his friends even though he gets attached slowly.

but the moment he realizes that akechi is alive, freed from puppet strings, he knows what he feels for him and the realization hits him full force.

getting together:

i think they'd take a while to actually get together. i think akechi would hate that he's not on equal standing with akira, and wait till he finally feels his life is somewhat under control.

akira is terrified for a while that akechi can leave again and doesnt wanna do anything to cause a divide. theres also the whole issue of his friends, but i dont think he'd let them have that much sway over this decision. he already regrets that he let go of akechi twice, hes not gonna let there be a third time.

i think theyd be roommates eventually and it would be a completely normal everyday habit/routine that makes akechi blurt it out that he just loves him. maybe smth like akira passing him his cup of coffee, or akechi drying akira's stupid untameable hair bec he never dries it off on his own.

he immediately freezes and considers doubling back but he's no coward, nor does he ever run away. so he just rambles and spills everything, and akira's eyes are just flooded by tears which really makes akechi regret everything and he awkwardly tries to offer comfort

but yeah akira tells that he loves him back and now akechi starts to cry. i think theyre both due a cry honestly. akechi is dramatic in his emotions, and the p5 anime taught me that akira cries when its is related to akechi. so.

i think they wouldnt announce their relationship but they dont try to hide it either? theyd probly take things slow cuz both of em dont wanna fuck it up, and akechi even moreso bec although he's formed a proper friendship with akira, his emotions still become too overwhelming at times

sidenote but i do think akechi is capable of making friends but its probly with his co-workers or smth like that. a relationship that starts off as mutual respect and companionship, basically smth that he and sae couldve had.

relationship issues:

they both have their own issues, i think both have a habit of antagonizing each other when they're pissed, and prefer to not hold back with each other. but i think they'd still take care of each other. they agree on most things, but when they disagree it becomes worse.

i think akechi would have a tendency to hide and withdraw if he feels insecure about anything. basically, if a conversation would require him to be vulnerable he'd bottle it up till he explodes.

probly made worse by akira who's passive in such situations even if he notices smth is wrong. he thinks its better to let akechi approach him on his own terms, which is normally a good decision but it doesnt work with akechi, who has it ingrained in his mind to hide his dissatisfaction so he's not abandoned

akira would also have the problem of not being vulnerable i think? except he's even better at repressing things, which pisses off akechi to no end, albeit feeling hypocritical.

akechi would try to drag it out tooth and nail, unlike akira though. he isnt able to ignore issues and cant tolerate such a glaring imperfection in their relationship. except this makes the Don't Tell Me What To Do rebel in akira to act like nothings wrong cuz its also kinda fun when akechi is pissed

ig the difference between them would be that akechi still has the urge to spill his true thoughts, but for akira, once he resolves to repress smth he doesnt really go back on it.

i think once they realize both of em aint going anywhere else, they get better at dealing with this kinda stuff. akira's issues would get better after he finally wholly understands that akechi prefers confrontation and to be pushed to do better, and the ugly truth

akechi would realize that he should stop catastrophizing and be more gentle with his approach? but i think in his case gentle wouldnt mean kind, just less accusatory and antagonistic, just more patient and pure facts that akira cant avoid

this is what i can think of for now lol. more about their behaviour and not about specfic things that they'd fight about

how they'd show/express affection:

ok i think akira would be more likely to be jokey and ironically cheesey just to make akechi irritated and not actually express love through words that often

i think it would be akechi to express love through words unironically, hes more articulate and unconsciously just rambles or blurts stuff about how he thinks of/feels about akira

akira would be more big on physical touch i think? unconsciously just become more touchy and act on the impulse to have some kind of physical contact with akechi. akechi would be more purposeful and internally debate on the matter a lot, and therefore more hesitant lol

akira would love getting him trinkets that he knows akechi will call stupid to his face but panic if any of them goes missing. akechi thinks gifts are more of a event exclusive thing, but akira just gets gifts if he thinks they suit someone

akechi likes travelling n stuff, so i think he'd invite akira to explore and try new places a lot. he's also a perfectionist so hed be good at planning things and making sure that its a place they both like.

this part legit makes me hurl i didnt know it was so painful to write fluffy things why is it so harddd ahhh oh well

misc stuff:

i think akechi would be perfectly aware that he's attractive, but akira genuinely thinks himself to be average in looks. smth that akechi is absolutely shocked at and resolves to change that perception

akechi stops apologizing for talking a lot and being verbose after it finally gets through to him that akira likes listening especially to him

i like to imagine this manifesting as akechi just walking into a room and immediately yapping without a greeting and akira gives him attention

akira is probly a furnace if he was able to survive that fucking attic. akechi also wears gloves and the stupid sweater vest in a heat wave so he stays cool mostly. ik the sweater vest is an image thing but he mustve been able to wear it.

therefore he'd let akira to stick to him in the winter without complaint, and akira would cling during the summer bec he feels cool somehow, smth that akechi would grumble about

akechi is a shameless biter. just sinks in teeth randomly. it confuses the fuck out of akira the first couple of times but then he gets used to it. even gets back at him sometimes but with kisses, smth that akechi gets embarrassed by

akechi is insanely confused when he sees his lover crossdress for the first time. hes gay but hes attracted to akira, and akira pulls off the look really well but looks convincingly female with the right clothes, but he thought he liked guys ????

i dont think akechi would fully crossdress, i do hc that he wears a little bit of makeup, puts in more effort to his appearance and normally looks more feminine compared to akira, but i think he'd dislike fully presenting as female. i do NOT think he's misogynistic or anything, just a matter of preference

i do not hc their genders to be trans. i dont hate or dislike the notion, i just dont agree with it personally. i think they're both cis, and akira just likes wearing feminine clothing and kinda considers it to be a hobby to indulge in occasionally. cuz he feels hot in it, AS HE SHOULD.

yeaahhh im done for now loll thanks for reading, esp if u made it to the end <3

[stateswscarlet]

Do you think that there are some people who should just move on from learning about loass because they refuse to stop focusing on having rather than being? Do you think some people are “lost causes”?

tbh, im in no place to tell someone to “move on” as that is their decision 100% (unless theres something life threatening happening/ab*sive situations w sp). but smth i will say is that in all my years of being in the community i do believe that some people are not in the right headspace/mental health in order to properly understand the law at a certain time. its not that they cannot understand it and apply, its just that SOME times they may need to take a break and come back to it later, whether it be because of circumstances or mental health or just lack of understanding (as sometimes ppl only want very simple explanations and want to be spoonfed, which isnt possible when it comes to applying hence them being “unsuccessful”).

ive met sooooo many people from when i freshly joined the law of assumption community who had been active in the community and “manifesting” desiring for years, even some ppl who claimed to have been studying for a decade + who still were struggling with basic concepts and didnt understand simple things like not messing w the 3D, imagining, etc. note that i am not critiquing their actual “success” in the 3D, i am simply talking about their conceptual knowledge. i still have people who are in my dms often who have been knowing the law MUCH longer than me asking for help and advice and are in shambles whenever anything in the 3d goes “wrong”.

on the other end, i have also witnessed ppl in TERRIBLE mindsets, poor mental health, the worst circumstances ever, etc completely turn their mindset around despite struggling and having a lot of issues at ONE point. they got themselves out of a funk and healed themselves, prioritized themselves and understood the law deeply without their old desperation and attachment.

so no, i dont think ppl are lost causes bc they can always turn themselves around one time, no one is doomed to never understanding the law (unless they genuinely dont want to and dont care to). even being a coach and helping people in dms before i was one, ive never thought of someone as a lost cause, but i can tell within a very short time who is willing to learn from their mistakes and apply, and who is stuck in their old habits and is too stubborn to accept help, let alone apply it. so based off that i can “predict” how their journey will go and have usually been correct. i genuinely wish everyone looking for advice the very best and thats why i post threads and offer optional help.

[surplus-of-sarcasm]

ive tried to write women so many times but have failed to the point theres barely any female characters in my stories. and im very aware this is a flaw in my writing because i dont hang around women often and the only long term contact with a female i have is with my family members i dont know how to write female characters on a personal level because i can never relate to them. this sucks ass but correct me if im wrong i think its better to not write female characters at all than write a shitty possibly offensive one even if i dont realize it

Hi.

Okay, here's my take on what you're saying. I know for a fact that the most difficult things to write are things/situations/environments we know so little about. And it's even harder to get it right when it's a more sensitive thing, if yk what I mean. A huge perspective shift like this is definitely a challenge because men and women are quite different.

Here's the thing. I'm not trying to pressure you into writing them, but I'm telling you that even if you have problems with them now, doesn't mean you have to give up on writing them completely. If not writing them at all is your final decision, then that's still okay, still your call in the end, but if you do want to write them, it's very possible.

I know I write both male and female characters, but the first time I ever officially wrote smth that wasn't for school, it was with a female protag because ultimately, I see the world from the eyes of a woman. When I decided to write a male character for a more serious project, I realised I needed to research it. And lemme tell you that again, not every piece of advice in a writing help article is always applicable. It's largely based on the author's own personal experiences. They're more like tips than rules you must adhere to.

Please note that I've spent considerable time around men I'm close to in my family, I had male classmates and currently have a friend who's a guy, so that definitely helps. And it's completely understandable that you haven't spent enough time around women to grasp more about them Ig. My male characters are not exactly copy-paste of these men/boys either, but some of their traits and mannerisms may be connected.

And you not relating to them is completely okay. I'm not very likely to relate to parts of my male character's life that come with him being a man, but what I can relate to is what makes him human. There is definitely an overlap in several traits between men and women. For example, the way I would feel angry abt smth would be different from how a guy Ik would feel angry about the same thing. The key is simply to avoid bad cliches.

Again, I'm not trying to get you to write them if you really don't want to. Forcing yourself to write smth you don't want to definitely won't help, and won't create good pieces of writing. But just in case you wish to in the future, you can practice and research and test it out, and fun fact, part of it involves a little bit of winging it. I've done this for like genres/ideas I haven't tried before, and surprisingly it actually works. But, tbf, it's a lot more difficult when the issue at hand is the opposite gender.

And answering your last question, while it doesn't mean you must give up completely and you will never be able to do it, I can agree that no representation is better than a poorly represented character. Though, there is a chance you might be too harsh on yourself, since Idk exactly what any female characters you've written are like.

And about my reblog on that post abt writing women, Ig it was more aimed at people who've never tried or misrepresent women by applying a crap ton of harmful stereotypes to them. You seem to have made a genuine effort, so that's a pretty good thing.

Sorry for the long post, and thank you for the ask.

[hollyoongs]

hello hello ~~

it’s @yourislandgirl <33

ok ok so for some of the ideas that i have :

— i need more nerd sunghoon, like i know it seems cutesy but imagine history graduate park sunghoon, working in a museum, and the reader goes to the same museum to do research for her post grad thesis and it could be one of those “five times [insert smth] and the one time [insert smth]” fics. like they could interact and the sexual tension is off the charts, small little moves being made as she keeps coming back to “get help” when she actually got everything she needed during the first visit, and finally they like, manage to find themselves alone in the museum archives and figure “ya know what? hell yeah” 😭

— SFW: skater boy ni-ki and the scholarship athlete student who doesn’t consider skating to be a sport in any sort of capacity and ni-ki makes it his mission to convince her. it can be a drabble with some cute flirting or a long fic, it doesn’t really matter it’s totally up to you but i’m definitely picturing like a moment where he teaches her how to skate and whatever decision they come to (about whether skatings a sport or not) both ni-ki and the reader now like each other too much to really care for continuing this argument . but they would still keep discussing it anyway bcs the banter is too fun to let go of

— NSFW: heeseung, super early morning, beach vacation, semi-public. idk it sounds like smth the guy would be into let’s be real

^ in that same vein, jay would also be into this but like really late at night, and not exactly on the beach (mr green flag is cautious of getting swept away by high tide) no no he’d prefer those soft patches of grass just before the sand

aand that’s kinda all i got so far, theres some other ideas but i don’t know exactly how to articulate them 😭

정답 ⎯⎯ I MUST SAY THAT THIS CAN ACTUALLY WORK FOR LONG FICS, SO I WILL ALSO HOLD THIS IN THE FUTURE AND TAG YOU POOKIE, I have such a good idea with Ni-Ki's and the Sunghoon one reminded me of my fist blog here back in April 🫶

[ihaveneverbeentothemoon]

the cat in the hat is one of the worst movies ever, it is so gross and the cat is not even a cat idk what it is, some kind of spawn from hell, and its a disgusting terrible movie, so gross that dr seuss's wife was apaprently and RIGHTFULLY repulsed by the movie so she banned live action adaptions for her husbands books. thank GOD

i do not like the cat in the hat but on the other hand its so funny and i love it like its so much fun, its so terrible that its actually fun. i still hate it tho

anyway im kind of going thru a crisis rn, idk what to put for my pfp on here, i dont wanna go all out with the cat in the hat stuff bc then ill actually throw up so im only changing my banner (im the 'guy in the sweater that asks all the obvious questions' TRUST me, aka the cat in the hat w a blond wig)

so yeah idk what to put for my pfp. its usually smth that i rlly love at this moment but rn im not rlly into anything, like rn i do love the cat in the hat but in a way where i also hate it and if i see too much of it and i realise it MIGHT. MIGHT. be becoming a phase/interest, i will vomit everything out, but otherwise i dont have anything else going on for me! it rlly hurt to remove the luis serra stuff tho </3 RIP MY LUIS SERRA GET UP!!!! I LOVE YOU AND YOU WILL BE MISSED!!!

ANYWAY!!! so far on here i havent talked abt much besides the shining i thnik, but i like a whole bunch of random different things, so i guess im a multi-fandom person or smth, but yeah im into a lot of different things and franchises or idk whatever u wanna call them

rn im getting back into rh on roblox!!! ive been playing since i was like idk 10 or smth so yeah, not to brag or anything, but im kind of a pro 😼 (im actually not ive never even gotten a halo). but i do go into these phases where im suddenly rlly interested to play rh, i get super invested in it for like a week or so, then i drop it and dont touch it for a few months, then i come back and see whats new. rinse and repeat! its like that for most of my other interests too but yeah

anyway besides all that i dont do much on rh, i just hop on, do my dailies, might play the musical chairs thing, and thats abt it! the only other thing i love to do on there is dress up and make new ocs. not even kidding, i have a whole google doc dedicated to my like 20 rh ocs on there, who are mostly under developed lmao. i also like making stupid impuslive decisions with my diamonds and buying things ik i dont need, like i was so close to spending alllll my hard earned diamonds that are already kind of hard to get nowadays on dorm stuff bc i loved how cool and creative ppl could get with their dorms, but i am not a builder, only a decorater. i am a lover not a fighter

so yeah anyway im soooooooo glad the summer thing is gonna be over in like 2 days bc its abt time. like omg. im so excited for the halloween stuff tho, the halloween updates are usually the best/my favs in rh and while i dont rlly think the rh devs are gonna make any kind of new halloween event bc theyre busy with other stuff, im still hopeful and mostly excited to buy myself the whimsy witch heels, and maybe the bat mo heels.

so anyway, back to what i was saying, i made a new oc on rh!!! i have no idea what shes abt tho. shes totally gorgeous and i love her sm but like i have no idea what to do with her, im still deciding on her personality, but i have no idea what her name or occupation/backstory/hobbies and stuff are gonna be, and usually when im making a character, i decide that stuff along the way as i make them, but im still rlly undecided.

anyways im gonna show a few pics of her that i took (bc if theres one thing i lvoe more than wasting many hours trying to perfect how my ocs look, its spending even longer taking photos of them afterwards!)

the first 2 are my absoloute favourites. shes just so pretty dude like i lvoe looking at her liek PLEAASSEEEE JUST ONE CHANCE!!! LET ME BE THE ONE!!!!! shes gorgeous i love her

but yeah i have noooo idea what im gonna do for her. a lot of my rh ocs are mythical creatures also and i have no idea what kind fo mythical creature im gonna make her, or if shes just gonna be a regular human or smth, but thats too boring

so yeah. i love her so much but idk how or where to get inspo for her and what shes abt and stuff

also i kind of rlly want her to interact and maybe even be friends with my other oc, kitty

ive introduced kitty on here before but it was a private post i posted ages ago so ill just make a separate post for kitty. but yeah thats abt all!!

[smidgen-of-hotboy]

Jay's Thoughts: Extended Cut. Cutting the shit. Diving in.

WE'RE HERE WE'RE HERE!!! WE'RE BACK TO PART ONE!!!!!

"Why was he like that? He never gave up, even when circumstances were at their worst, even when the world was against him-" BECAUSE HE CANT LET IT GET TO HIM!! BECAUSE HE FOUND HIS MUSE!! BECAUSE BECAUSE BECAUSE!!!!

"still in a barkeeps apron and red bandana around his neck" BITING BITING BITING BITING!!! ORPHEUS!!!!!!! I love the costume design for hadestown, it is hands down my favorite costumes to ever costume. The set design, costume design, and the use of lighting?! BROTHER I ASCEND!!!!! 

"He found, to his surprise, that he believed him." BECAUSE NUREYEV IS AN OPTIMIST!!! he wants to believe! And Juno does!! Juno chooses to believe!! Smth smth Jet "I choose to believe that my belief can change things" Siquliak (or however what lies beyond ended). JUNO CHOOSES TO BELIEVE AND HIS BELIEF CHANGES THINGS AND MAYBE YOURS CAN TOO PETE!!!

hyacinths= possible ref to hyacinthus? Greek mythos, spartan prince, Apollo's human lover, died by discus to the head? Language of flowers meaning general dedication to Apollo (sun god) but certain colors could mean "I'm sorry (purple), play (red/pink), jealousy (yellow)"

roses= definite ref to Duke and Dahlia Rose, language of flowers meaning "love (red), please believe me (pink), dark crimson (mourning), etc"

Dahlia= SUPER REF TO DUKE AND DAHLIA ROSE, Language of flowers meaning "pride, strength, elegance, commitment, etc" (I am a sucker for language of flowers)

"It was hope." IT WAS HOPE!!!! HIS HEART SOARED AND NUREYEV FORGOT ABOUT HIS HUNGER AND AND AND AND-

OH THEYEE MINERS LIKE SIXTEEN TONS!! working for the company man in the company town- sing little canary in the minds, sing....

"Even his name was beginning to feel like a distant dream."  OSHDKEBFLDLRJF- 1) Peter Nureyev treasures his name, he clings to it like his life depends on it (it does) and he loves it so heartily. 2) THE DREAM!!! I WILL BITE YOU ZEPH THIS ISNT FAIR!!

oh the multiple names! The multiple aliases!!! Hheeheheh-

OH THERES SO MUCH TO UNPACK IN THIS PARAGRAPH OKAY WAIT HOLY SHIT!!! (i started these notes on my phone first now we're on my laptop, its go time) VESPA!! VESPA MY LOVE!!! Green hair and paranoid and snarling- oh i love my knife wife.... however did you end up here? why did the authors separate you from Buddy? tsk tsk shame on them for falling into the bury your gays trope. (its us, us is authors lol. I gotta relisten to shadows on the ship to get her voice down. I made the ultimate decision to write vespa's backstory as its own complete fic, so when it's all done it'll all come at ya in one nice neat little package) M'tendere!!! doubling down and confirming what happens to M'tendere in Out in the Cold Field- they are punished for stealing fire. but how? why? when? details! we need details! (it's me, me needs to provide details lol) AND BEN!!! BENTEN!!! our lady of the underground!! (god i had to look up the lyrics and just reading them I'm tearing up) "Ben had been the life of the party, producing flowers and bottles of wine out of thin air like an old-fashioned magician" = "i got the wind right here in a jar/ i got the rain on tap at the bar/ i got sunshine up on the shelf/ allow me to introduce myself-" (i fucking... i love amber gray. i am dumb gay down bad for her)

"with lilac on the breeze" = interpreting as Ben makes everyone calmer, lilac language of flowers meaning "first love, youthful innocence, etc"

oooh sign language!! more fics should include sign language, imo, and Deaf culture should be studied more by the hearing world, also imo. (I've developed a lot of empathy and compassion bc of the things I've learned, it's made me more determined to actually want to sign, bc everyone deserves to communicate and be understood and- [REDACTED, rant deleted]) OH BUT WAIT- "M’tendere translated, as they often worked in the noisier parts of town and had to sign to communicate." M'tendere knows sign, is this from their time as a soul guide with Jet or because like Pete they lost their voice? If the latter, what happened? does this have to do with their foreshadowed punishment in Out in the Cold Field?

"watched one by one as their faces lit up in recognition and delight." STOP THIS IS UNFAIR!! Vespa recognizing Buddy, M'tendere recognizing her and Jet, Ben recognizing Juno (and Rita? would he know Rita?) nnnnnnnnn-

OH AND THIS ANSWERS MY QUESTION FROM LAST PART- about "does ben even know about the eternal winter?" (the answer apparently: yes because he knows M'tendere and M'tendere experienced it, but they all don't know how bad it's truly gotten.)

LADY RAINCLOUD!!!! OH I LOVE THAT!! Juno is such a grump. he is Depressed. it makes so much sense and it's such an endearing nickname imma puke awww- (it also makes me think of my little pony... which ig is a plus.)

"and even now, it still drew a silent chuckle from Nureyev. " My heart </3, he's recalling all this while he's at work. ffs Zeph- shaking you by the shoulders this is the equivalent to Juno dropping that line at the start of Terrible Waste, something about it being his last hours of the last days he would see Nureyev... gggrrrrrr- me don't like.

"Ben, face slightly pale, told his own story, the little that he could remember. [Oh shit oh no oh shit oh no-] He’d been brought here by his mother when he was a teen, [SARAH WHAT DID YOU DO-] and exchanged as a part of some kind of deal with Slip. [SARAH!!] He knew he had some kind of power over plants and wine, but didn’t know the full extent of it." [BITING YOU AND SARAH- something comes to mind about Persephone being a fertility goddess and they're like... special. or something. (I'm getting flashes of Lore Olympus and uhhhh- yeah.... no.)]

“'I’ve got this funny feeling that I have something to do with the spring being gone,'” POOR BABEY!!!! this is why i can't kill Ben off in my fics now after 36Qs, it's too sad and too hard. but this also reveals that Ben does not know anything. and we the reader have the joy of irony: we know this song, it's a love song, and we're gonna sing it again. it's an old tale, a tragic one, and we're gonna tell it again. AND HERE I AM SAYING ALL THIS AND IF I JUST KEPT READING- peter, pete, petey, sweetie, sweaty- you should totally try telling him . Rock his world twice over. First with "i married your brother" second with "you're a god"

"Most of them had gone blind or deaf or come down with black lung from the mines. [Even in death you can get sick, wonder what their healthcare is like, wonder what health insurance they have... have they ever heard of unionizing?] Their hands shook and their backs remained permanently bent to their work. [ough-] Never looking up. Never looking others in the eye." [Something tells me this is a ref to the musical, some lyrics i can't think of off the top my head, and something tells me it was Hermes...]

"He thought of… what was his name?" NO SHUT UP-

"His memory was fading fast." NO-

"Couldn’t recall his name. Didn’t know where he came from, either." NO NO-

"All that existed was the pickaxe and the dirt." PETER-

"And so Peter Nureyev became just another worker in the crowd of Hadestown." NUREYEV!!! my heart...

SONG FOR A CAGED LOVEBIRD: PART 11

part 11 whoopie!!! apologies that this didn't get posted yesterday, i had some schoolwork to catch up on and i also had to do some filming for a friend's music video class project :)

kisses to all the lovely people who read this regularly i love you all <3

@smidgen-of-hotboy @ceaseless-watchers-special-girl @urjover @one-joe-spoopy @waters-and-the-wilde @demonic-panini @the-private-eye

He went because he thought it was a job, and easy one at that. He always went for the jobs. Always hungry for what he could never quite get his fingers on.

He never expected to get caught.

In some respects, Peter Nureyev knew he was a songbird in a cage. A pretty little thing made to sing for its supper, the strings getting pulled by someone higher up the food chain than he'd ever go. Ben and the others jokingly referred to him as much. They didn’t know just how true it was. But in most cases, he was just trying to get through another day. Another hour. Another minute.

It was so damn hot down here. And he wasn't even near the furnaces.

He wiped the sweat from his brow, stopped to catch his breath, and wondered for a while if he'd ever get free of this little cage he had built for himself. How long had he been down here now? It felt like years, but he knew deep down Juno wouldn't have left him down here that long. He was a stubborn ass who wouldn't take no for an answer, so Nureyev doubted it would be long until he showed up, probably banging on the gates to hell like a tax collector at a house that was a day late in payment. Why was he like that? He never gave up, even when circumstances were at their worst, even when the world was against him-

And then he was thinking about Juno again, sweet, honest, stubborn, lovely Juno, with a wide brown eye and a voice like sweet summer rain and cherry blossoms and the promise of change. I know how to bring spring back, he'd said. He was going to sing a song and the world would shift back into place. It seemed so simple. So easy.

That first time Nureyev heard him sing, still in a barkeep's apron with a red bandanna knotted around his neck, he found, to his surprise, that he believed him.

Juno's voice had soared through the air and refracted, echoing back in impossible harmonies and for a moment, a single solitary moment, sun spilled in through the window despite the rain and the whole room smelled of hyacinths and roses. When he finished, he held in his hand a single dahlia, its petals pristine and still faintly touched with dew.

Nureyev didn't know then what that feeling he got when he saw that stupid flower was, but he knows now.

It was hope.

For the first time in as long as he could remember, he had hope.

Not any more, of course. That had faded long ago. There was no room for hope down here in Hadestown. 

He picked up his pickaxe and got back to work.

Breathe. Strike. Lift. Breathe. Strike. Lift.

He wanted to leave, of course he did. But Hadestown had a way of stealing your mind as well as your hope, the work slowly taking hold of you, body and soul. He didn’t want to admit it, but just like the rest of them, he couldn’t quite remember where home was. Even his name was beginning to feel like a distant dream.

He supposed he was at least lucky to have made some friends down here. He couldn’t tell them his real name, and didn’t want to in case the bosses were out looking for him, so they all had their own little names for him. Ben, the one who had initially found him, called him Glass, after his broken glasses. Another called him Ransom. Another called him Rose. He answered to each name in turn. 

Breathe. Strike. Lift. Breathe. Strike. Lift.

They were an interesting little crew, he had to admit. The woman with spiky, neon green hair and lip in a nearly permanent snarl, Vespa, got suspicious when he wasn’t talking much, and had muttered, rather sarcastically, about what a little songbird the newcomer was. The one with long, white dreads and burn scars on their hands, M’tendere, rolled their eyes and told Nureyev to pay her no mind, and that she was really quite sweet once you got to know her, but Nureyev decided quite firmly that he had no intention of doing so. Ben had been the life of the party, producing flowers and bottles of wine out of thin air like an old-fashioned magician. It had been a blast until the bosses had taken notice and forced them all back to work.

Breathe. Strike. Lift. Breathe. Strike. Lift.

Ben had such a warmth to him. People always seemed to smile and laugh more around him. Working near him on the wall made the load feel a little lighter. Even just standing in his presence for a while felt like standing in the shine of the summer sun with lilac on the breeze. It was no wonder that Juno never really got over his loss. 

He had wanted to know all about what was happening on the surface. So, later that night Nureyev told him as best he could, switching between writing things down on the small scraps of paper they scrounged up and the sign language he could remember from his days of thieving. M’tendere translated, as they often worked in the noisier parts of town and had to sign to communicate.

He told them about the bar. About Buddy, Juno, Jet, and Rita, and watched one by one as their faces lit up in recognition and delight. He told them all about the eternal winter. About the dying crops and people. About how the world had gone sour and was getting worse by the minute. 

Breathe. Strike. Lift. Breathe. Strike. Lift.

He told them about Juno’s song, and the hopes they had. About how it helped ease the winter a little, but not nearly enough. About the bad deal he made to protect himself and his husband, and at the mention of the word “husband”, Ben practically sprang through the roof of the shitty building they were all holed up in.

“HUSBAND??? YOU MEAN YOU MARRIED MY BROTHER, GLASS??? YOU LIKED LADY RAINCLOUD ENOUGH TO MARRY HIM??? HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME???”

Vespa had to tackle him back down to the ground to avoid drawing unnecessary attention from the bosses. It took M’tendere a few minutes of howling laughter to compose themselves before they could continue, and even now, it still drew a silent chuckle from Nureyev. 

Breathe. Strike. Lift. Breathe. Strike. Lift.

Ben, face slightly pale, told his own story, the little that he could remember. He’d been brought here by his mother when he was a teen, and exchanged as a part of some kind of deal with Slip. He knew he had some kind of power over plants and wine, but didn’t know the full extent of it. 

“I’ve got this funny feeling that I have something to do with the spring being gone,” he admitted, chewing on his lip as he stared off into the distance.

“Don’t give yourself too much credit, there, Ben,” Vespa said gruffly, gently slapping a hand onto his shoulder. “I’m sure it’s not your fault.”

Peter vaguely remembered that story Buddy had talked about, gods dying and reincarnating in different forms, and wondered briefly if Ben was a new version of Persephone, but that’s not exactly a topic of conversation one brings up when talking with unfamiliar people.

Breathe. Strike. Lift. Breathe. Strike. Lift. 

His breathing was harder now, the sweat pouring down his temples and neck. He had to keep thinking. Keep remembering. It was so easy to lose yourself to the rhythm of the hammer strikes and the work songs that hummed out a steady beat all across the town.

He’d already seen the older workers, the ones who had been there for who knows how long. Most of them had gone blind or deaf or come down with black lung from the mines. Their hands shook and their backs remained permanently bent to their work. Never looking up. Never looking others in the eye.

He couldn’t stand to live that way, even if he wasn’t alive.

Breathe. Strike. Lift. 

He thought of… what was his name?

Breathe. Strike. Lift.

His memory was fading fast.

Breathe. Strike. Lift. 

Couldn’t recall his name. Didn’t know where he came from, either.

Breathe. Strike. Lift.

All that existed was the pickaxe and the dirt.

Breathe. Strike. Lift. 

And so Peter Nureyev became just another worker in the crowd of Hadestown.

Breathe. Strike. Lift. Breathe. Strike. Lift.

[serenhoshi]

𝐃𝐨𝐤𝐲𝐞𝐨𝐦 𝐚𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝

got a request for dokyeomie, hope you’ll like it :))

DK is an INFP!!!!

this ray of sun is a living lover

he lives to find his other half, his soulmate, and just love them until they die

he lives to love, really

he does believe in soulmates, the red string or any other myth that makes lovers melt when they think of it

so i think that when he meets his s/o, its love at first sight really

he just loves their vibe (your vibe to get into the whole “imagine” thing)

its really a vibe thing, nothing has to do with your appearance, maybe even your gender (i’d see him as pansexual)

he’d be quite shy, but very guided by his beliefs and motives, so he would try and ask you out quickly

maybe he’ll take things a bit too fast, because he KNOWS that you’re the one for him, but this might scare you a bit

if you tell him, he’ll be more careful and gentle

on dates, and any time hes with you, he just looks at you with love and admiration

it truely is love at first sight, the members are kinda jealous to see how easy it was for him to find his s/o

he looks at you with stars in his eyes fr

tries to initiate physical touch like holding hands, or putting a hand on your waist while walking

once you get in a relationship i think he’ll cry

hes just so happy to finally be able to show you more of his love for you (if theres more to show lmao)

he keeps talking about you to the members

anytime they see each other he always says your name at least 10 times seungkwan said

in the same minute lmao

giggly boy, still blushes anytime you give him attention because you’re juste THAT attractive to him

admires anything you do, and supports you in all of your life decisions

a very supportive and helpful boyfriend

like even though he practiced for 12 hours, he comes to you and cooks you smth, or does the laudry or anything

he won’t rest, not if you need help (and even if you don’t he’ll still help)

SO emotionally supportive

he is a huge listener, when you need to vent he’ll sit down and listen to you, he won’t interrupt you, never

reminds you that he’s here by caressing your hands, or holding you close to him

out of all the members dokyeom would be one with the healthiest relationship

maybe the little “red flag” of the relationship would be his silent treatment

we had the example of it with the joshua and dk “fight” in a gose episode

he would be one to avoid fights, and just stay silent

if something annoys him he’ll stay silent so you “guess” what you did that made him mad

this would be very annoying for you and on the long run it’s tiring as well

but if you make things clear with him from the beginning then he’ll make an effort

he loves you too much not to try

Smutty part below :) 

sex with dokyeom is,, impressive??

this man behaves like a shy and lovely guy, and then he just shows another side of him in bed

hes so strong!!! 

(loves pinning you on the bed)

i think he has a size kink or smth like that, like he loves seeing how big he is on top of you-

always has you facing him, he just needs to see your face

likes to have sex a bit everywhere in your appartment, if it’s in the dorms then he prefers his bedroom, or maybe the living room if hes 100% sure that no one will come in

loves kissing! kisses you anywhere he can, on every inch of your skin. With time he learns and remembers the places that have more effect on you

if we ask him what he prefers between boobs, thighs or ass, he’d say the 3 of them

he just can’t keep his hands for himself and has to touch them, caress them (and kiss them ofc)

SO GOOD at eating you out!!!!!!!!! i think one of the best among the members

not very vocal in bed, just a few moans and grunts here and there, but nothing much

kinda like chocking-

like not really chocking but just likes having his hand around your throat when it gets rough

if you get your hand aroung his throat he’ll smile, finding you cute lmao

idk why i just can’t see him as a sub, he just switches and becomes more dominant in bed to me :)

[ifieabouteverything]

Rewatching Ninjago

(with no context other than the episode)

The Tournament of Elements episode 1-2

I don't think we give Jay enough credit for his showmanship from his game show to prime empire.

Wondering if he built the obstacles for his game show

“I'm a ninja. And your wearing makeup.” damn Lloyd, let him do what makes him happy

Why is cole shirtless with an axe cutting lumber that is so unsafe my guy. I get that you wanna show off your abs but still.

It's sad that Jay and Cole got sick of each other bc of smth silly.

Jay was a lot angrier when he mentioned he didn't wanna be on a team with Cole. Cole was a lot, sadder. Idk, smth I noticed.

Nickname 1: green machine

Poor Cole he just wants to be some guy. Later on when the ninja get famous he probably hates that.

I hate Kais fighting ring costume sm.

“It should've been me, not Zane.” shit. Thats a lot of baggage to unpack. Kais need to carry burdens, like being the green ninja and depending on himself, is a real older brother trait I see in him.

How long has it been for Zane statue to already have moss growing on it....

His hawk is still there 🥺

Lloyd really just wants his family back. I've talked about this before but I truly think Lloyd just wants to be around his loved ones and not be alone. Sad how it always seems like he's the one who ends up alone, even now.

The noodle shop was probably the exact moment the ninjago writers decided to give cole the classic ‘i love food’ trait that every character in a slightly comedic show has.

Cole and Kai worked so well as a team here love them sm. Look at them. “I would be careful if I were you, he's not great when he's hangry.” Love them

Cole not knowing fortune cookies have fortunes inside and probably eating paper all his life is fucking hilarious to me

The fact that they can get together after months and still act and joke as if nothing happened. True friendship.

Lloyd is so terrible at lying bless him

Kai after seeing everyones wearing regular clothes: See! I told you wearing our ninja suits was a bad idea.

Hes just like me fr

I like their duffel bags that have their symbols on them.

I'll always be salty that their redesigns don't have their of symbols. It was a nice touch. Especially since they used it once like the Batman signal in the sky.

Garmadon: no room? (kicks a fucking guy off the boat) now theres room.

Best decision to have Garmadon as the main ‘sensei’ in this season. Hes more straightforward than wu and just a better character in general i think writing wise.

What even happens to all the elemental masters after this season. Do they just live their lives? Do we ever see them again?

SEE. THIS IS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT. everytime one of the ninja do something really cool, the other ninjas just fall in love for a second and its great

Why does cole just have his name on the back of his ninja suit doesnt that defeat the whole purpose of the mask and being stealthy 😭

Garmadon: i swore to never return…

Jay: you know, you should never swear. Its a sign of weak verbal skills.

HFJSJTHSNSFJJSNR

Jay probably refuses to swear and says stuff like

Jay: oh fiddlesticks, that really ruffles my feathers

Kai crying: Please just say fuck

Hes just like his parents

Kai (pushes his friends aside): ladies first

He probably bashes on Jay for being a simp and then goes and does this shit bfjsbtjdnr

Master chen must be DECADEs old if he was garmadons sensei. Do the elemental masters has some kind of longer lifespan????

Pretty kabuki woman come out:

Cole: yeah, whatever they are, i don’t like them.

Be who you aaaare for your priiiide

Garmadon: whatever you do. Dont lose focus.

Kai: WHATD HE SAY????

Jay: SOMETHING ABOUT MUCUS.

“Hey! Im kai the master of fire.”

“Im skyler, master of… wouldnt you like to know.”

HFNSJRNJS

love her

They tailored the rooms to all the ninjas wants and desires so im not surprised that lloyds room is more ‘homey’ than the rest

HFNSIFNSJNR WHY DID THIS GUY JUST ATTACK JAY IN HIS BATHROOM HE WAS FULL ASS NAKED DUDE

Nickname 2: hot tamale

I love cole in this he was just so confused and chill.

he just waltzed to the jade blade with a full stomach, almost vomited from spinjitzu, got a stomache cramp, whined when the others took the jade blade from him, gave up, and just found another random blade. Love him sm.

No matter how much Jay says he hates cole i wont forget how happy he was when he saw that cole made it with the jade blade.

The ninja are just good people in general

Kai hated the guy but still felt immense guilt when he fell through the trapped door

Invisible guy: can i sit here :D

Jay: Scram! I can still see you and this is a private conversation!

Cole: jay that was really mean 🙁🤨

thats how he normally acts Cole.

THE WAY KAI JUSY PUSHES JAY OFF HIS BALCONY 😭

Theyre really pushing this ‘kais hot and warm’ ‘skylers cold and chilly’ when zanes right there

Jay: you just had to leave me hanging huh romeo.

Jay can be so funny

Cole: god this bed is so soft its amazing! Mines made of rocks! What a crock(Bed flips showing a secret entrance) uh GUYS!

Kai: COLE I GET IT, YOU LIKE MY BED 🙄😠

Cant believe Jay and Kai are peeping toms /j

I would immediately be Cole, laughing my ass off if i learned my friend had a crush on someone they didn’t know they were related to 💀

My favorite thing about Jay is that he’ll get excited about something with the enemy if its even remotely cool. Even if its to hinder/defeat the ninja themselves.

Chen (steals metal mans powers)

And this is why you read the terms and conditions people.

[zhuhongs]

local foreigner spends 10 dollars on intricate looking sweets.... perhaps im a sucker, it was a touristy area... hhhh. yea.

more thoughts abt money and just living in taiwan under the cut:

idk. i like wanna be spontaneous and just buy things on the spot when i want them bc i usually end up regretting not buying stuff i want otherwise but also like... money but i also feel like money spent on food is never wasted. but likeeee hh. also i went to tamsui to buy a jean jacket and i ended up with two button up shirts, which i dont regret bc its gonna get warm soon and i like them for layering and theyre just rlly flattering in general but also they were 10 each and i feel like i shouldve tried bargaining but yea. still too timid. there were a lot of nice jackets but like.. hhhh i often don't know how to make the best choice bc again. im not sure what to expect of taiwans weather and idk. like do i buy smth best suited for the rain. smth best suited for the cold, something thats best suited to the US but semi useful here? do i buy one rlly nice jacket and make that like a staple of my wardrobe for a while. like obviously thats the best choice but im bad at making those kinda decisions on purpose. those sorta long use things just kinda happen when i dont realize... like hhhhh. i dont know what i want. i feel like i keep going shopping and lie to myself that its cheap bc it makes me feel like i have more control of my life but I'm just yk. a little lonely also i don't like my appearance. and i don't want to waste the money i saved to be here but like also nothing is wasted and i feel like regardless i can never know unless i do smth and. yea... thats what runs through my mind each day. also i need to come back to tamsui during the daytime... i always come at evening/nighttime and i know it must be nicer in the day when the weather is good. i also feel like i just keep coming back to places im already familiar with which like. i know theres nothing wrong with that. i can always discover new places and theres merit to like knowing one place rlly well and probably once ive been there enough I'll naturally move onto the next place naturally and everything will work out and either way i can always just come back to taiwan but hhhhhh. like there are so many places that i havent gone to that like are Must Dos in Taiwan. but then again, back in the US i lived in LA and didn't go to Santa Monica til i was fucking 19... or go to SF til i was 22. my mind is always cycling through these thoughts each day and i have no one to tell it to bc i cant convey myself fluently in japanese. but i mean even if i could i really don't have the nerve to even try to be candid abt how i feel with my roommates and every time i call my friends i just freeze up and HHHHHH. ITS FINEEEE... im Fineee. i just need to decide what i want rn. abt everything. in good news i finally messaged my friends mom who was rlly nice to me my first week in taiwan and then i subsequently ghosted bc im Awkward. so thats good!!

[sparklestardesigns]

Any tips for designing your own sparkle cat? Seeing your designs makes me wanna have a sparkle cat oc but I have no idea where to start

UWA IM HONORED TO BE ASKED FOR ADVICE ON THIS,,,, makes me so happy that ur wanting to make a sparkle cat oc they're super fun :]

this is gonna be long so just tap on the keep reading to see the whole thing! if u dont wanna see me ramble then prob best to skip the keep reading part lol

BUT for my opinion, i think it depends on the certain character! with having really no limit on what you can do with a sparkle cat in general, i like to go for a specific vibe yknow? like, with maybe names it can also help grasp some sort of vibe which can also help lead to a type of personality or even "aesthetic" in a way that fits them!

for example like uhmmm lets say i had a little character named hootwatcher! well, hoot being from owls, i can refrence a type of owl shape for the body and maybe go brighter reddish/orange colors for the character as well as most owls are more brown depending on the type of owl but its sorta a majority and big ol eyes since they're named watcher for a reason lol or the colors can go off of personality! maybe hootwatcher is really nervous so they can have a more purple based design!

a more. idk i think difficult idea is when it comes when its not like animals? like real characters such as swiftpaw or frecklewish they're more tedious! but i can give an example of that too

so uhhh gonna say i have a character named like. sneezeflake! because theres no animals related to this, i cant go based off an animal, but! this is where personality can really help or even sketching them out in general can also give me a type of vibe of course it may not stick to the final reference but its still helpful to see the options!

maybe sneezeflake is very jumpy with a lotta worried, with sneezes being sudden! or even with flake they can be very uneasy about decisions, with lots of uncertainty about different morals or even their own clans morals/their own morals! with that you can make different colors that can give that vibe off, and poses also help with it too so don't be afraid to take advantage of using crazy poses to help give expressive personalities to characters :]

REGARDLESS, there is so many options for a character, it doesn't even need to be based off a name or personality really, it's just whatever fits them too! it's whatever you think fits best for them, and i hope this helps for ya anon :]

[also idm hootwatcher or sneezeflake being used for the character idea, as it was just examples so if anyone wanna use them as inspo or smth then be my guest hehe]

[afoolnottoloveu]

maybe i’m imagining things ♡

Summary: You don’t really feel like you belong at the BAU just yet (WC: 2.1k) {Masterlist <3}

Pairing: Spencer Reid x gender neutral!Reader

TW: smoking, mentions of death, swearing, mentions of alcohol

A/N: i dont smoke so theres highkey gonna b smth wrong with the description,,, but it just felt right okay, also it was a song reference as well >:(( also, this is for lucy’s fic contest! congrats on 3000 sweetheart <3

Song Pairing: Why Am I Like This? - Orla Gartland

--

You could remember the feeling, how it started that night at the bar. Despite the conversations of your new team swirling around you, you felt like a stranger. You didn’t think much of it at first, you just thought you were imagining things. You’ll grow into it, you told yourself. 

After exactly a year at the BAU, you still couldn’t decisively say you were part of the family. As cases came and went, you felt the same. An outsider. A guest living with a family. You couldn’t blame them, really. As you should, right? They weren’t like this with any of the other newbies; it was you who intruded.

The last case felt no different. It was a family annihilator, and all you could think about were the victims. Unbeknownst to the team, except Aaron, you knew almost exactly what the family of the victims were going through. Your feelings were taking a toll on you, and everything from the jet ride to heading back to the office was a complete daze. Your mind was somewhere far off in the distance, only snapped back by the soft touch of JJ placing her hand on your shoulder before you could walk through the glass doors.

“Are you coming tonight?” She asked as if you already knew of what was happening tonight.

“Uh, w-what’s tonight?”

“We’re going to-”

“O’keefe’s!” Penelope squealed, running out of her batcave with the clicks of heels following.

“Oh, um-” you hesitated, but you remembered how badly you wanted to be a part of their family, and a drink didn’t sound too bad at the moment, “yeah! Yeah, I’ll just meet you guys there alright? M’gonna just grab some stuff.”

“We’ll see you down there!” Penelope bubbled, before sweeping everyone else into the elevator. You gave a small smile and wave, catching Spencer’s gaze  just as the doors shut. Maybe you had learned to hide it well after all these years, but for profilers, they really had no idea what was going on inside your head.

You couldn’t help but glance up at Aaron’s office through the glass doors. Everyday you debated if the BAU was really for you, every day for a year, now. Not knowing if this was a mistake or not, you slipped through the bullpen and made a beeline for his office. Relatively quickly, you found the papers you were looking for after a quick search through his cabinets. You didn’t want to have the conversation with Aaron, but he was the only person on this floor with them. You shoved them in your purse, just in case. In case of what? You didn’t know either.

- 

You tried to enjoy yourself, you really did, but your head was just filled to the brim with thoughts you couldn’t bear. The fuzzy, stuffy feeling of the bar would usually help you blend right in, but right now it made you sick. You excused yourself from the table, not like you were part of any of the conversations that were happening anyways, and stepped out.

Through your work blouse and slacks, the October wind nipped at your skin. You opened your purse and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. Your habit started young, smoking being one of the only things that could effectively calm you. Your dad was a smoker, but he really tried his best to stop. He wouldn’t be proud of you for following in his footsteps, but so be it.

Placing the cigarette between your lips and lifting your lighter to the end, you failed to notice someone approaching from behind you.

“6 minutes.” 

Startled, you fumbled and dropped your cigarette from your lips and it hit the concrete, causing you to loudly mutter a curse. You whipped around to cuss out whoever made you drop it, but you’re met with the same eyes you saw before the elevator closed.

“Jesus Christ, Spencer. I just lit that!” His expression doesn’t change, so you rummage through your purse pulling out the box of cigarettes once again. “And I know what that means, 6 minutes off my life for every cigarette I light.” Faced towards the street, you tried to light it, but failed. As the wind kept blowing out the tiny flame, you kept trying. “To be frank, 6 minutes isn’t a whole lot of time in the grand scheme of things. It’s like, one less shower. I could live with that I think.”

Still not hearing a reaction from him, you turn his way, naturally. He seems to be finding your purse very interesting, and for a moment you think, is pretty boy gonna rob me?, but you finally realize he can see the bold print title and FBI logo on the papers that you grabbed sticking out from your purse.

“Why?” is all he asked, his voice dripping in devastation. You look up to meet his eyes and there’s a gloss over them that you know too well. “Why would you wanna transfer? The BAU is-”

“-the crown jewel of the FBI. I’ve heard it.” You take the cigarette out of your mouth to reply. Unable to meet his eyes anymore,  you fixed your eyes on the street once again, but you minded your voice, careful to not let it crack nor reveal too much, “I can’t explain it, Spencer.”

“I think you can, but you don’t want to.” The hurt in his voice was still evident and you had to wonder, why was it there in the first place? He doesn’t really care, his family’s inside the bar.

You brought the joint back to your lips and tried to light it one last time, and you successfully did so, inhaling the smoke and letting it encase your lungs like a blanket. “It’s just-” A long pause lingers in the air before you come to your senses, removing the cigarette from your lips. Blowing out a cloud, the wind carried the gray smoke down the sidewalk, with your eyes trailing. “You know what? No, nevermind. It’s nothing, Spence. I might not even transfer.”

“You wouldn’t grab the papers unless you were seriously considering it, Y/N,” he huffed, intent on finding out the real reason, “Come on, you were gonna have to tell us at some point. Why not start small? Why are you leaving us?” You were getting frustrated from the simple fact that he was right, and suddenly you were very sick of the cigarette you were holding. 

“Fine Spencer, if you wanna know so goddamn bad then I’ll just tell you! I just- the BAU isn’t for me! And it’s not the job, it’s- it’s you! It’s all of you! I can’t be in the same room with all of you for anything other than a debriefing without feeling like I don’t fucking belong! You guys are a family, and I still feel like it’s my day one. If you guys can do this job so well without me, then why shouldn’t- why should I even be here?” You didn’t know when the tear slipped, but they just kept coming, and you were over this cigarette, throwing it to the ground and stomping on it a little too hard.

There was a silence. A cold, heavy silence, filled with nothing more than the gentle breeze, a couple cars passing in the distance and leaves falling. You suppressed your sobs as much as you could and wiped your face repeatedly. 

Oh god, you thought, did I really just say that? Fuck, fuck, shit, why am I like this-

“If I asked you to stay,” His voice was soft- you knew your response wasn’t the one he was expecting. All you could do was glance at him, not knowing where he was going with this. “Would you?”

“What’re you talking about?” The words were a whisper, you wouldn’t be surprised if he thought it was just the wind. You genuinely didn’t understand what he meant, but in your head, you had already answered his question.

“Y/N, I--I just wanna talk, okay? Can you listen? Is that alright?” His voice was comforting, and with the way you were feeling, it was music to your ears. It reminded you of the way he spoke to children, but you were just too damn exhausted to call him out on it; so you nodded, but you kept your eyes on the street in front of you, watching a taxi pass by.

“You know, when I first asked you ‘why?’ a few minutes ago, when I was saying that the BAU was the crown jewel of the FBI? Well, that wasn’t what I was going to say at all. I was gonna say that the BAU is where you belong, Y/N. We don’t only want you to stay, we need you to stay. You were the one who talked down that unsub today. You can defend yourself better than almost any of us. You treat us like family, with the coffee every Wednesday and checking on all of us regularly. We notice these things, Y/N. Do you? Because it’s almost like it’s second nature to you.”

You had to take several deep breaths before you could gather yourself enough to respond; you closed your eyes as you spoke. “Do you know why I so badly want to be so close to all of you? My- my parents were both killed by- by a sociopath. I was 15. I started smoking then. My aunt took me in and I lived with my cousins. They were closer to each other than to me, though. I- I don’t know, I had a family, I guess. I mean, my aunt and her two daughters were my family, but- I don’t know, I’m not making sense.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I didn’t know that at all, I thought they were your sisters. I get it. Well, I don’t, but I know what you’re trying to say. You didn’t have one as a teenager, but you have one now. Everyone inside of that bar thinks of you as their family. I know you don’t see it, but I can assure you that they do.”

You forgot your eyes were closed. They opened to the touch of Spencer’s hand on your arm, and there he was, standing in front of you. You wanted to cry more, but the sight of Spencer in front of you made you smile and your heart swell. You knew every word that left his mouth was genuine, full of love and understanding. You rushed forward and hugged him, burying your face in his chest. He wrapped his arms around you and cradled your head. It was almost funny, you were sure this was the most you had touched the germaphobe like, ever.

Into his sweater you sniffled and mumbled, “What about you Spencer?”

He pulled away from the hug, both of you still clinging to the other, but enough to have to look in each other’s eyes. He tilted his head as if he were asking what you meant.

“Do you- are we family?”

His only response was an airy chuckle and a swift, soft peck to your forehead. Huh, that’s new. You weren’t saying you didn’t like it though, no, not at all. He pulled you back into the hug and said into your hair “We don’t have to talk about that right now. But honestly? I think of you as something else, Y/N/N.”

And that was okay. The warmth of his breath on your hair and his sweater wrapping you neatly like a gift, it was more than okay.

-

Spencer led you back into the bar after you had fixed your makeup. Luckily, the wind actually helped to dry your tears pretty quickly. The team was gathered around the table, blocking something from your sight. As the two of you approached, you heard Penelope say “Oh, oh oh! They’re here! Y/N’s here!”

The rest of the team turns to you and in front of you, JJ is holding out a red velvet cupcake with a candle in it. “Happy one year!” The team cheered as a chorus. Your eyes widened and your face lit up. Your shock rendered you almost speechless.

“How’d you remember? Oh my gosh, you guys!” you smiled. With everyone egging you on, you blew the candle out, causing an array of cheers and claps.

“Honestly, some of us didn’t. But you know who did remember?” Morgan commented with a wink. You turned to see Spencer scratching his neck, smiling down at you, the look making your heart swell just a lil’ bit more. 

You grabbed his arm and pulled him over with you to the table, the team clearing a spot for the two of you. Conveniently, shots for everyone had already been poured out, readily awaiting your consumption. You grabbed the shot glass and raised it towards the middle of the table.

“To family,” you beamed. Maybe I was just imagining things.

--

Taglist (send an ask to be added): @prettyboy-reid @eusuntgroot @veraiconcos​ (congrats on 3k again!)

[macklives]

session 81 end

wow, okay, first things first

AC!!!!!

shes so fucking cute holy shit i love her so much i dont even know where to begin??

i mean i guess its because im so used to troll snark and the way they just? banter constantly? seeing someone who is a literal ray of sunshine is so refreshing and wholesome and pure. god she’s great. shes a cat, she knows her stuff. she’s strong and theres also this guys???? who shes scared of?? and tells her what to do??? yeah no, idk who it is but let her make her own decisions lol

maybe its just over exaggeration or whatnot, and hes not bad but first impressions do a lot to me and right now the only thing i know about this guy is that AC needs his approval for everything. i guess ill see where that takes us. hopefully nowhere bad. but AC seems like she can take care of herself and knows how to be a good decent troll and i love her for that. wow it literally took me one dialogue to like her. damn, that was fast. jesus.

you know who else is great?

terezi.

yeah i know right. and that whole trial thing, which yeah i guess half the time i was confused by what the fuck is going on since i still cant grasp the idea of how alternia works, but i enjoyed myself with lemonsnout and how terezi roleplays and how much she gets into it. seeing a character that passionate about something is so sweet and nice.

god this was just a nice overall session

which i say, while i completely forgot about the banter TA and karkat got into

right, that happened. oh my god. they both literally stomped all over each other, dissed one another, still made up in the end because apparently thats their friendship and i guess it just works like that. depends on the friends you have, i guess.

its funny though, not gonna lie

and karkat as of now is just being a prick and honestly? 

like more than usual, which i guess is weird to say but i mean from present time to beginning of hivebent karkat. not that its uncommon for him to be a prick, he is, but seeing him go through the non-linear pattern with john is mmmmh interesting to say the least. though we havent seen his first trolling, just him constantly going “oh god what did i say, i was dumb” u know, not in those words but thats basically what he means. 

ooh im gonna analyze, i feel like analyzing right now my fingers have already typed so much as it is MIGHT AS WELL

and our candidate will be *drum rollll* karkat wow predictable (its below the cut because this is literally irrelevant now to the session)

okay, lets lay out the shit we have already. as i said before, the way he talks presently to john (meaning in the future) is so different than how he speaks to everyone now. of course the “i hate the world” personality is still there, and hes still just regular karkat, but karkat talking with john is patient to some extent and tells him what he needs to know for the game, lowkey kinda chills out once they started talking about movies or growing up as huh, didnt he say larvae or smth?

okay that whole grub thing makes sense now as i just wrote that but i am still confused as to what the FUCK that is implying because i dont think it crossed my mind this much, im repressing it for now until it comes up later. 

anyways, back to what i was saying. he was so DIFFERENT than the way he’s acting now which is bitch and moan and like? stfu karkat lmfao. i mean, its not THAT big of a difference in character, because i know he’s still his grumpy old self, and theres a lot of potential.. for growth? not sure if we’ll get it but i like to assume we will get character growth from these characters with fucking 8000 pages talking about them. but a story needs that growth and with karkat being just a straight up angry dude, in MY EYES, he should.. have growth, no? idk HOW he will grow, but im basically just taking what i have right now which isnt much but i analyze things for fun sometimes so let me be.

that being said, because its so early on, im not sure where homestuck is gonna go and i dont have much to go on but being in the psychology course shit happens when you have limited information and you gotta pin point what makes a person a person and how do they cope with things to grow further into life. many of my assignments involve limited info so honestly, not that hard.

but it is something that ive noticed, the way karkat is different as he grows which possibly means the whole veil thing happens later later on in his life and we havent yet seen that small growth become patience and not whining every time he doesnt get what he wants. but growth is common and it mostly likely happens to everyone, so its not like wow this is a surprise and a plot twist, more of something that i just wanna write for the sake of writing it. i hope that makes sense? i dont exactly know where im going with this. i just mean that im basically going to analyse karkat a tiny bit so idk how to otherwise explain it but you’ll get where im going with this as i type more lmao. 

anyways, so karkat literally said “pretend i dont think highly of my friend’s talents” as if he’s visibly trying to force himself from all emotions and bash on those who do (reference: “stop being sensitive, its repugnant” or whatever tf he said while TA replied with “hypocrite”) i take that as a key word. so honestly, while that was the smallest thing ive gotten from this session, its the thing im most curious about actually and i actually havent mentioned lol. because what ive learned in psych, which this is just common knowledge but i did an assignment on it so like?? could be useful?? is that people who hold off their emotions tend to hold off others as well, so there is no chance of mirroring each other. in other words, if someone is happy and starts to laugh and goof around with another, the emotions will mirror that other person subconsciously. like an addictive laugh. theres also another way to show mirroring, which is to mimic another person's actions, allowing another to establish a sense of empathy and thus begin to understand another person's emotions. in this case, im using TA and karkat as example. people who suppress emotions tend to see emotions as a bad sign and if somebody else portrayed any sign of it as well, they’ll basically say “gross what are you doing” because theyre so used to concealing it away, that they dont want others to think theyre into the whole mushy shit. so they pretend to hate it, pretend to not even be slightly affected by general sensitivity..

which basically means karkat is a softie, and even if he’s a prick right now, meeee thinks john, from earlier convos, is growing on him because john himself knows how emotions work and while i dont think troll culture does know much about it, considering the BLOOD AND CARNAGE thing, he is in fact growing and even if thats obvious, and you all know it, i am new to homestuck and am trying to see that for myself. its noticeable to some degree. he may always still be a jerk, but i am waiting to see how he slowly starts to accept things around him and to finally show what hes hiding inside. even if its just going up by a few percentages, i see its there and im hoping VERY HOPING he has the biggest character growth!

in other words, why else do i think this?? well nobody who watches romcoms can be that fucking aggressive. you need some sap in you to like it.

on that note, ill probably analyze alternia’s system and rules in another post later throughout these next few sessions because i feel it needs to be talked about and the way everything just.. is so different and doesnt seem right, you know?

thats it for now goodnight

[the-third-bard]

Story summary of "the voice of reason"

Aka the titty girl story

This one had way more parts than any other so this post will be pretty long

Part one

Part one is the one page at the very beginning of the book where the girl sneaks into Geratl's room when he's "sleeping" and rubs her titties all over his face. "The voice of reason" takes place before the striga so there really wasn't any point in having this be the Very First Page except to hook horny straight men.

Part two

Part two starts with Geralt waking up in the temple of Melitele after having implied off-screen sex w titty-girl (Iola, who's a apparently a water nymph and talented with magic and is psychic? Or smth?)

Nenneke is introduced and scolds Geralt for being reckless in the fight with the striga. They seem to have kind of a mother-son relationship. (Nenneke has apparently known Geralt since he was a child? Which would make her Old As Fuck).

Geralt visits this temple once or twice a year.

Most of this part is about introducing religion and the cult of Melitele. The temple he's in seems to be part-church part-school? Theres a lot of younger girls and even children who learn stuff here and then go on working as midwives, teachers, healers (specifically women's and children's diseases), etc.

Dandelion is mentioned, he doesn't believe in Melitele. Dandelion is explicitly called Geralt's friend.

Nenneke wants Geralt to go into some sort of trance with the help of Iola? I guess this will be explained in later parts.

Part three

I loved this part, the best part of the book so far.

Some White Rose dickheads have visited the temple just to tell Geralt to fuck off. (White Rose is basically nazis mixed with scientologists, and they hate all non-humans) (later they will become the flaming rose, i think, and thats like the white rose lvl 100, with like full on genocide and shit)

Anyway, these tools show up and want Geralt gone and insult him and Nenneke, but ofc Nenneke won't have that and verbally beats the shit out of them. One of the dudes, Tailles, challenges Geralt to a duel for his insults and Geralt mostly laughs it off.

There's not a lot of plot here, the whole chapter reads as if it was an imaginary political argument Andrzej Sapkowski was having in his head where he was winning and he decided to put it in the book. I allow this because any form of dunking on nazis is good.

Part four

This part is LITERALLY Geralt just? Going on a 4 page rant? He literally does not stop talking once during the whole thing. It's a solid wall of just Geralt talking at this poor girl (Iola, the tiddy girl, who can't talk)

He talks about, in order; religion (*), swords, kaer morhen, parents, the trials, his first monster (**). Witchering, the "code" (***), Blaviken (****), and Ciri (*****).

Throughout this whole this Geralt like, answers questions? That I'm pretty sure he makes up to keep talking? He's like "... Vesemir- oh, who's Vesemir, you ask? Well he's my dad obviously-" Cus Iola is mute and she's never described to like, look questioning or even interested in what Geralt is saying. He does this 9 times.

* Iola has taken a vow of silence for Melitele and Geralt respects her decision. He tells her there is power in faith and that his own lack of faith holds NO POWER, which I thought was really neat (especially for a 20 year old Polish book).

** it's the story he told Renfri in ep one! (saving a girl from being raped (also 13 years old :/ ) He also says he did what be did because he wanted the girl and her father to be grateful, and not because it was the right thing to do. He'd been raised to fight monsters and he'd romanticized the idea in his head that he'd be so cool and appreciated, which I think is really interesting. It also shows his growth as a character from then to now, and the fact that he admits to this is also very neat.

*** Geralt totally just made up this "code" and apparently said it so much that everyone fucking thinks all witchers have a code when it literally is just Geralt. I really wanna know what the other witchers think of this.

****

Geralt needs therapy

***** Geralt berates himself for doing the law of surprise, and says he'll never return to Cintra and will just, avoid it forever I guess. (Yennefer and Ciri are apparently born around the same time in may!)

Part five

Geralt is in the library in the temple, he appears to be failing to read a history book.

Dandelion comes in the door and Nenneke absolutely destroys him.

She leaves and Dandelion and Geralt talk.

The world is changing, and witchers' work is becoming hard to find. Geralt is being negative about it and Dandelion tries to cheer him up a bit, distract him from his woes.

He says Geralt should adapt to the new world, change careers. He says that if the demand for poetry and music dwindled he'd become a gardener.

Dandelion gets pretty deep, and it was more than it expected from Sapkowski if I'm honest.

/... /

After this Dandelion changes the subject to make Geralt feel better.

Part six

Geralt and Nanneke is in a grotto that Nenneke uses as like, a greenhouse for magical plants. There are glowing crystals in the ceiling.

(Nenneke talks a bit about how the sun has changed? And the rays are deadly and kills plants and how it's "too late" to save people from it?)

Nenneke talk about how pissed Yennefer is at Geralt for some reason, and Geralt seems to be avoiding her (Yen) at all costs.

For the striga contract money Geralt has bought some precious gems, and gives some to Nenneke for the temple and wants to give Yennerfer the rest. He wants Nenneke to keep them for him until Yennefer comes to the temple looking for him so that she can give them to her? While he's ran away to somewhere else cus he's a little baby.

Nenneke refuses to help him with it because she's way too cool for that and calls Geralt out on being a big baby.

This is where Yennefer's infertility is mentioned, and Geralt says she can use the gems to (partly) pay for "the treatment".

They talk a bit and we find out that some sorceresses have "atrophied" ovaries and that that is because pursuing magic apparently fucks up your endocrine glands? Which would fuck up significantly more than just your ovaries (also this shouldn't be a thing just for female magicians? Why are all the male magicians totally fine?)

(Nenneke is hinted to be fertile as well as Geralt's mother in picture 1)

Nenneke is still trying to get Geralt to do some telepathy therapy stuff with Iola and he's also a big baby about this, even though he's absolutely TRASHED right now and doing the therapy would heal him up so that he can use his signs and fight again.

(it seems like after a near death, witchers lose their witchering skills? Nenneke says Geralt's reflexes aren't what they're supposed to be, his pupils don't dilate properly, his heartbeat is faster than normal aka 'normal human speed' i guess, they can't do signs. Would Geralt be human if he just let it be?)

Part seven

As Geralt and Dandelion leave the temple, they run into a whole bunch of guys. It's the dudes from part 3, expecting a duel. If Geralt refuses to fight, he'll be hanged, but if he injures Tailles, he'll be punished. They want him to give Tallies the fight to raise the dude's street cred. They explicitly want Tailles to "nick" Geralt's skin.

I thought Geralt was gonna like, prick his finger and yield but what actually happened was funnier and more clever. So kudos to Sapko for this.

They start fighting and Tailles sucks, obviously. The boy puts his sword in front of himself defensively and Geralt just, smacks that thing with his own sword so that Tailles' sword cuts him in the face.

This way, Geralt's sword never touched him and he can't be punished. I thought that was real neat.

(Geralt is totally banned from Ellander now but it was worth it)

Geralt and Dandelion leave, and Will Not Tell Nenneke About This.

The part splits and we see what happened as Geralt and Dandelion were leaving the temple.

Geralt and Iola touch hands and this triggers a vision. It's a vision of death and blood and monstrous paws. Iola collapses and has a seizure.

Nanneke saw it too, and begs Geralt to stay in the temple, but because he's Geralt he obviously decides to ignore the whole thing and leaves.

This is how the book ends

[donnieluvsthings]

anyway i’m still thinkin about roceit newsies au...this got SO LONG its basically a bullet fic of the whole plot at this point but uh enjoy!!! its has all the sides and remy and emile bc i rly wanted to shove them all in here aldkaldka

this is based on the musical mostly bc i have never watched the original movie all the way thru oops

roman is jack and remus is crutchie (thanks boop). remus does crazy stunts even with his crutch and roman is Constantly Worried TM and overprotective of remus even tho remus can DEF take care of himself

on the other hand remus knows roman hates working as a newsboy and just wants to escape to some small town where he can become a local artist of some sort. remus wants roman to go CHASE his DREAMS even tho he’s afraid roman might leave him behind

roman may be the actor but remus is great at coming up with gruesome yet intriguing headlines that get people to buy papers and would totally be a great author of some sort

ON THAT NOTE roman dreams of santa fe and can picture it perfectly but whenever he tries to explain it, it comes out as senseless rambling and longing. it’s remus who can really put into words what roman feels (bc theyre bros and they just GET each other)

virgil as davey, patton as les, logan as sarah (its the musical but they have an extra sibling okay. let me have older brother logan)

virgil and patton show up and virgil is super untrusting and hates that theyre basically lying to get people to buy papers but patton is just EXCITED to meet New People!!! and looks up to roman (and remus), like, instantly

it helps that roman promises to take them to a real actual theater after they sell all their papers owned by the one the only emile picani !!!

also roman is the one who first calls him “virge” which is like jack saying “davey” instead of david. yes this is necessary information

so they sell their papers (and roman briefly meets an ESPECIALLY handsome guy wink wink) and go see emile who performs some variant of That’s Rich like the star he is. u cant take singer emile away from me

roman also performs bc i said so. he spies someone watching him during his act up above the stage and climbs up there when he’s done

janus. its janus, if that wasnt clear or u dont know the plot of the newsies musical aldkaldlal

so yeah janus as katherine!! he may be pulitzer’s son but that doesn’t mean his father wants him to be a journalist. pulitzer thinks he should prepare to inherit the publishing company or be a banker or smth, not be a journalist

i just think janus’ “society is a LIE” vibe fits with katherine. i mean, just look at Watch What Happens. “give life’s little guys some ink,” “they’ll storm the gates,” “rich greedy sourpusses” .... idk it just SCREAMS janus to me

ALSO, katherine technically lies about her identity for like 3/4 of the musical, so

anyway! roman meets janus and janus is all suave and lowkey flirty at first but then roman starts flirting BACK and jan is like “uh oh how to talk to cute boys????”

so then he gets all “i have more important things to do” *hair flip* and goes back to the article he’s supposed to be writing about emile’s theater (a lot of his notes are about roman’s performance but nobody needs to know that shhh)

roman draws a portrait of jan and leaves it there and janus gently & dramatically picks it up, stares at it, and tucks it into his suit with a soft smile

uh oh prices for papers went up! virgil steps up and helps roman lead a strike. turns out his caution works GREAT with roman’s determination and they keep each other from going towards extreme overthinking (virgil) or extreme stupidity (roman). they are a TEAM and they are BESTIES.

remus: lets SET THE PAPERS ON FIRE

roman, starry eyed: HECK YEAH LETS DO IT

virgil: how about we dont do that and instead form a union

and then the twins are like GOOD IDEA and tell everyone else. virgil may be a cautious and untrusting and afraid of public speaking but he has good ideas dangit

the intro to seize the day yknow? virgil says a Good Idea (which can probably be traced back to him always listening to logan rant about his studies) and roman spreads the message in a Firm Rebellion-y way to the other newsies

and patton is there doing his absolute best. he may be small but he knows that this isn’t right or fair to the newsboys and he’s ready to physically fight someone

enter logan who is lowkey really proud of virgil for stepping outside of his comfort zone to do whats right. logan may be scared out of his mind for his little bros but he’s gonna help them as much as he can between college and trying to work side jobs to help their fam

basically logan knows janus and tells him that he should report on the strike bc logan wants to help his bros AND his friend however he can

cue janus seeing his opportunity and TAKING it. he’s gonna write about this strike even if no one else will!!! take THAT, father

he also maybe possibly wanted to see roman again. but roman never needs to know that okay what he doesnt know cant hurt him

seize the day happens!!!! they strike!!!! they r powerful!!! but then no one else from any other sections of new york strike with them and they lowkey get rekt

remus mocks the delanceys but that was a BAD decision cuz now theyre targeting him and he gets taken to the REFUGE

roman is SAD bc his brother’s been taken away, no one showed up to help them strike, his brother’s been taken away and he just wants to get OUT of there. run away to santa fe, his ideal world, but he can’t even articulate that because his brother is gone

how is that just act one. how have i written so much yet left out so much???

remus is at the refuge and he’s a little more scared, now, that roman really will just leave him behind even though he knows deep down that roman would never.

still. he writes roman a letter and maybe he goes into a little too much detail about his injuries and the refuge but hey, that’s remus. he writes about how maybe they can run away to santa fe together. he signs it “your brother” and i CRY because they are the best bros

roman reads it and ALSO cries. especially because there it is, the description of santa fe he can never come up with by himself. remus rly does know him, huh

total scene change: janus finds the other newsies (and logan) in a restaurant? bar? and is like “!!! ur on the FRONT PAGE on my newspaper” which i just decided is called the snake instead of the sun

virgil didn’t totally trust janus would follow thru at first but now he’s convinced. they did it!!!! theyre on the front page!!!! the world WILL know!!!!

cue tapdancing!!!!!! king of new york is an absolute bop. i need logan tapdancing daintily and then janus LAUNCHING into some complex tap routine bc the newsies think he too will dance daintily

i know they wouldnt,,, actually dance but just let me have this self-indulgence in this entirely self-indulgent au

the Bro Trio + janus go hunt down roman to show him the paper and find him painting stuff at emile’s all sad and upset bc, well, they lost and remus was taken

but virgil is trying to show him that they made progress!!! sure pulitzer won but he won the BATTLE and actually the poor guy’s head is spinning bc theyre gonna win.

“cmon, ro, if i’m is telling you to be optimistic there must be hope”

see virgil calls him RO and its cute bc roman gave him the nickname ‘virge’ and now virgil’s giving him the nickname ‘ro’ theyre just besties okay

roman is unconvinced but then logan, who roman has actually never met before, steps in with Facts and Statistics, and patton adds some adorable words of encouragement, and janus sassily waves their Front Page Story at him, and roman starts realizing they DO have a chance

but then uh oh pulitzer threatens remus and the Bro Trio and roman is forced to speak out against the strike or risk ruining the lives of everyone he loves. and also he finds out that janus is pulitzer’s son and is Betrayed TM

theres some “he’s just trying to build up a false confidence in u so u can plummet to even greater depths” parallels in there somewhere....u can’t trust many people as a newsie and when roman DOES trust someone turns out he’s the son of the guy ur trying to fight

so roman says overnight in pulitzer’s basement, sleeping on an uncomfortable old printing press, and makes his decision

now for the RALLY

remy is spot conlon bc he DESERVES to be the leader of the brooklyn newsies. brooklyn, flushing, richmond, etc all show up to a newsies rally and are like YEAH!!! STRIKE!!!!

virgil is trying to tame the crowd nervously and keeps waiting for roman to show up bc they work best when theyre working together!!!! finally roman’s there and virgil introduces him (the attention isnt solely on him now thank gosh)

but then roman starts talking about how they dont stand a chance and how they shouldnt go on strike and virgil is just. confused and upset and angry

especially when he sees one of pulitzer’s employees slipping roman wads of money

virgil corners roman afterwards and is absolutely RIPPING into him. roman could fix this if he would just tell virgil the truth, tell him he doesn’t care about the money, he just wanted to keep him and patton and logan safe—

but roman knows if he tells virgil, then virgil will turn all his anger towards pulitzer, will be able to convince roman to keep going, and roman won’t. he can’t put virgil, put his family, at risk.

so he lies.

he doesn’t mean any of it. but he says it.

and maybe he kind of understands why janus lied, too.

he says he’s never had anyone to take care of him or remus, not like virgil does with his parents and his older brother. he says virgil will never know what it’s like.

virgil scoffs and glares and beneath all his fury looks crushed. but there’s still fire in his eyes, a spark roman saw that first day that only grew and engulfed any doubts virgil ever had.

roman says he’ll take the money and go, leave new york behind.

virgil says fine. we don’t need you. because you know what? all those words you said were mine. i didn’t have the courage to say them back then but now i do. we don’t need you.

(because i watched that scene in the movie and like YES go OFF davey i mean virgil)

roman flees to his “bedroom” which is really just a fire escape and just longs for remus’ reassurance. he has the letter but it doesn’t seem as encouraging now, not when he’s lost everything else important to him.

then janus shows up and roman’s mad at him but not mad enough to kick him out. and janus watched roman just give up on everything they’ve been fighting for and just wants to know WHY. why did he turn his back on the newsies when they were so close?

and roman, tired and upset and defeated, just says they wouldn’t succeed. even if all the newsies went on strike no one would report on it, anyway, because pultizer has all the printing presses on lockdown, even the one janus published from. and they already lost once! what more could they possibly do?

roman looks out over the railing, chest heaving from his rant, longing for his imaginary santa fe where he doesn’t have to face his failures. janus stands next to him and puts his hand over roman’s.

“i don’t have a simple answer to that question....but here’s a start.”

and janus pulls out a paper with roman’s words (well, and virgil’s, because virgil said it first but roman rephrased it powerfully, and that’s why they worked as a team) typed out, words that make the strike not about newsies but about ALL working children in the city who are being exploited for their youth and naivety.

it’s an entire article, expertly written. if published it would get the word out to the other newsies that they haven’t given up and show other working children and adults alike that this is IMPORTANT and they aren’t going away.

and then roman remembers his drawings of the refuge and remus’ graphic descriptions and shows them to janus and hey!!! they have a plan!!! they just need to print it....

roman’s like yo there’s an old press in ur dad’s basement he’d never suspect anything

and theyre both so excited and theyre gonna DO this, FINALLY, and janus sees hope on roman’s face again, maybe permanently this time, and janus just leans in and kisses him.

its very sweet and cute and theyre in LOVE

they pull back and kinda stand there awkwardly for a few seconds before both of them start grinning

and they both know its fragile, that they’ve hurt each other and trust was cracked, but it wasn’t broken completely, and they can fix this. they believe in each other and that’s enough for now.

and then they go find virgil at his house

roman knocks on the door and virgil opens it and just. glares at roman. and roman starts rambling apologies and explanations and tries to tell virgil about their plan and did he mention he’s sorry

virgil kinda just stares at him as he goes on and on and the only thing that stops him is patton running out and launching himself at roman

then logan appears behind virgil, and virgil kinda just smiles

“glad to have u back. again.”

and then they go sneak into pulitzer’s basement and print the article with jan’s writing and ro’s drawings and remus’ descriptions and the other newsies go spread the papers ALL around the city

the next morning EVERYONE is out on strike!!! u cant get ANYWHERE without seeing ppl, newsies or otherwise, filling the streets with chants of “seize the day”

roman, with the Bro Trio and Janus trailing close behind, waltzs on in to pulitzer’s office and flings the money pulitzer gave him back on the desk and is like whatcha gonna do NOW, joe??

pulitzer angrily tells them he’s a fool for going back on their deal and logan steps in sayin pulitzer is a fool for letting this get so out of hand over a 10 cent price increase. his sales are down 70%!! objectively the price increase was like the worst business decision ever

virgil’s like plus it’s making u look bad that ur business is the reason most of these kids are suffering. people really love kids, mr pulitzer and patton smiles brightly but in like a menacing way

then emile walks in with a ~dazzling smile~ and is like ur son told me about this whole situation, it’d be a shame if i contacted my good friend governor roosevelt who won’t be as kind as these brave newsies since u tried so hard to stop him from being elected :)

((in the show roosevelt is actually there but i want emile to have a moment to SHINE))

so pulitzer’s like FINE and talks to roman alone and roman wears him down, throwing words from janus, virgil, and pulitzer himself right in pulitzer’s face until FINALLY they have a deal. he’ll lower the prices by half AND pulitzer will buy back whatever they don’t sell full price

roman bursts out of the office into the streets where all the newsies are waiting and is like WE WONNN

and since they published all that stuff about the refuge in the paper, the guy who runs it is being arrested and REMUS IS FREE

the twins hug for like a full two minutes

then pulitzer offers roman a job as a political cartoonist and roman’s like. well idk now that this is over i should probably...head out

bc lowkey he’s thinking virgil still doesn’t wanna see roman ever again and he did say he would leave, so

but then virgil’s like come on, ro, you don’t really think we want u to leave, do u? what’s santa fe got that new york aint? tarantulas? sandstorms? stampedes? you can’t go to santa fe what if you DIE—

and logan says new york’s got us!

patton: and we’re family, right?

then janus is like you got a union to lead! and...you got me.

and remus is like bro, anyone can dream, all you do is close ur eyes! but some made up world is all you’ll ever see. (bc he’s the wordsy one, u see. he helps roman have the poetic realization that his santa fe isn’t real, but this IS)

so roman says well if u guys INSIST.....and then he takes jan’s hand and kinda asks w his eyes and then kisses jan in front of all the newsies who proceed to cheer obnoxiously

when they break apart roman leads janus by the hand over to the paper-buying-cart and slaps some couns down on the table and BUYS SOME PAPERS BC THEYRE NEWSIES BABEY

and everyone lived happily ever after🥰

[lesbianfreyja]

hey do u have any ways u force urself to write. i need to write this fucking faulkner paper and like ik i can and itll be good once i do it i just need to Do It its already like 900 years late. im loving yahfhskjd law so so so so much btw i rlly love ur characterization for den and the whole fic is just so endearing and enjoyable like theres heaviness to it but its not like overbearingly angsty and its just rlly fun to read

i have some advice but it might not be universal or healthy (lol) and it differs heavily based on what i’m writing

fic writing is for fun, and that’s why i try to remember when i’m doing it. sometimes it becomes obsessive (because i have ocd, and because i love validation, and that’s quite the line to tread lmao) but ultimately i do it because i love it/i have shit to say/stories drum in my fingers until i get them out, even if it takes time. i’m glad you love it!!!! if people didn’t i’d get demoralized way more often! with fic writing, usually i can’t force myself to do anything until i know the basics of what i want down - right now i’m stuck on a scene b/t charlie and mac because i know what i want them to get out of it, but i have no idea what the outside context of the overall conversation will be. usually in that case, i just have to wait it out.

inspo will come to me when it comes, maybe from binge watching the show, maybe from watching smth else, maybe from a convo i have irl or a dream or what have you. in the meantime i write as much around it as i possibly can. i’ve currently written every single scene for the next chapter that either came easily or at least didn’t come extremely difficultly, and once i have part of a scene down i usually let the characters’ voices follow me through the rest of it…sometimes you just have to let them run free. writing fic for me is often a solid push and pull of me nudging the characters down the path i want them to take, but mostly i just sit there and imagine them talking, and see what they say. i have to parse apart exactly how i think they’d say it, but i can get a fair amount of their tone and message just from listening to them have the convo in my head. not to be extremely embarrassing on main but when i was obsessed with twilight, stephenie meyer basically said this in her faq and it really resonated with me lmao. this applies to original fiction btw too. that’s why its often easy to finish a scene once i’ve begun it, if i can get a piece of the convo than usually i can build outward - give me a snippet of a convo and i can begin to see their location, what started this convo, and their motivations. i’ll have to trim it down to fit their tone/how often they lie/how difficult they find it to express themselves later, but after i get it all out, it’s easier to cut away the ooc parts until you’re left with glances to convey what used to be a paragraph and what have you

can’t write a sex scene? have a drink or two and write it all spelling errors and all, it’s usually way dirtier than i intended too but you can clean ALL that up and make it in-character in editing

academic writing was never nearly as difficult for me, especially once i got to college. pretty much everyone i know used adderall to write essays, and i sat down a few times expecting to do that myself, but i ultimately never ended up needing it. in high school i was smart enough to more or less make shit up to get through it (i always say the only thing i learned in high school is how to bullshit effectively) but in college you get to pick your research topics, or they’ll hand you a book and tell you to pick whatever part of it you want to write about, so i usually latched on to one snippet of interest and expanded from there (many of my essays were about how the characters were secretly gay or more or less feminist than they should be, as you can imagine)

i was never much for formal outlines, and i DON’T subscribe to the 5 paragraph essay format, but i usually made a basic outline in my notebook so i’d remember to hit all the points i wanted to make/be able to steer myself back on course when i started rambling abt something. usually i have an overarching point, and like 2 supporting arguments that i go into HEAVY detail about and probably have some supporting arguments about them within themselves. make an outline that lists your thesis and your 2 or 3 main points. if you CAN easily, write down some supporting arguments for those main points, but don’t get caught up on it.

how do i start? just sit down and fuckin start. deadass. tell yourself that if you finish before 8pm you can smoke a bowl or something, then smoke a bowl after you’re done regardless of the time. then sit down and just start typing, WHEREVER your mind wants to begin. let it, it’s way easier to follow your motivation than try to corral it, you’ll just end up giving yourself writer’s block

intros are easy. don’t worry too much about starting them; you can come up with a catchy first sentence way later (same with a catchy ending sentence; i still CANNOT write last lines for the life of me). for your intro literally just say: These 2 or 3 things are connected, actually, and I think they connect in a specific way to prove [thesis]. you can bulk out the intro later, but MOVE ON. that’s not the important part of the essay, at all. if your thesis can’t be turned into a question THAT YOU THEN ANSWER, then it needs to be bulked out. you should be able to make it a question, for example: Why is Emily Dickinson a lesbian? becomes “Dickinson’s lesbianism is the driving force behind her decisions to do x, y, and z” in which x y & z are the main points of your essay.

don’t worry too much about sources or quotes. i can’t tell you how many times i just made arguments in essays and then put in brackets [find a throwaway quote about x to support this later], then highlighted the text so it’d stand out and i’d remember to get back to it later. then MOVE ON.

don’t get caught up in anything, not grammar, not specifics, not finding the perfect segue between paragraphs. just try to get down everything you have to say FIRST, or you’ll bog yourself down and lose steam. sit there until you’re done making your points, then take a break

conclusions are easy. scroll back up to your intro. what does it say? put that back down, exactly, and bulk it out a little by referencing some points in the main paragraphs of your essay. if your intro just said “x y and z is true” then your conclusion should say “her woodcarving shows x is true, the fact that the moon was full that day is why y is true. these two things make z true”

go back and find sources/quotes to plug into all the times you wrote [find a throwaday quote]

TAKE AS LONG AS POSSIBLE OFF. if you try to edit and expand immediately, you WILL fail to catch things. if you’re a little unfamiliar with your own writing, you’ll be able to catch things like spelling errors, things that make so little sense you have no idea what you were trying to say, times you forgot to plug in a quote, or when a transition sounds a little like a record scratching instead of playing smoothly

if you’re really pressed for time: just fucking send it in without doing a second reread, because FUCK IT. getting it done is more important than perfectionism; fixing those last straggling spelling errors gets you +2 points whereas being a day late loses a letter grade

most importantly: WRITE ABOUT WHAT YOU CARE ABOUT. if you’re only getting specific prompts, try to twist it as best you can until you give a fuck about it, it’s WAY easier to write about shit that matters to you. i LOVED twisting prompts until suddenly this boring ass white boy book is secretly about this minor female character that appeared on 2 pages, and after awhile i got really fucking good at it.

just sit down and start writing. you’ve got to start somewhere, even if you end up erasing and rewriting the starting point later. at least you’ve got the ball rolling.

[aitian]

June 19, 2021

Sat 3:05am

its been a long time. not much has changed, still at home. i was dreading going back to school for a long time. idk, maybe it wont be so bad. alice has been home for a few days before her residency starts. locked myself in my room tonight bc i didnt want to talk to anyone. feels rly bad that mom & alice commplain abt dad, then keep enabling his bad behavior by letting him do things that he knows will make everyone unhappy then pretending that everything is okay whenever he wants to be ok. i always felt like a mediator growing up & i still keep doing work 1-1 with everyone in this family bc they wont think abt what they need from each other & just bicker all the time. then they tell me abt it like im a little puppy or a magical imaginary friend or smth. i was having anxiety naps then was watching mick & yune & eren livestream on ultrarareos twitch. i dreamed that it was mom & dads birthday, & we all went somewhere for dinner, then alice was asking me which bar we should go to for a drink next & i was like any one is ok bc i havent gone to any & she was getting frustrated at me for not making the decision, & i was already so mad at dad, & mom was saying how the bbar isnt so different from the restaurant so why dont we stay here, so i told alice its ok to stay here too, & she got mad at me for changing the plans. felt rly bullied waking up that my dream couldnt be abt something else. i started watching twitch streams mostly bc i have no friends, & i wanted to hear someone talk, esp bc adele doesnt rly msg me & sherry is kinda gone into internet bullshit so i feel like she doesnt even rly want to hang out when we r together. i miss having queer friends, i miss thinking someone is looking out for me, wanting to see me, or wanting to know how i feel. i msged simon a few weeks ago, who i used to know of as shirley. we hung out twice, & i want to see him again, but i think he isnt so interested in me bc i am boring these days. he was very excited to meet me bc i was mysterious & intriguing but i think it died down fast. its ok. i think its better to be distant friends instead of building up the kind of resentment toward friendships i have when everyone needs me to feel good at strange times in their lives but insists on our relationship model as unimportant and transient. i hate this idea but i also rly do want to date at some point. i have so much resentment toward the thought that it is the only viable thing to do, esp for someone so unviable like me. maybe i just wanna have sex, to feel wanted for a moment, & to think that there r tangible ways to walk into the future. fucking sucks. i think i can imagine more clearly how it feels to have sex tho, & i want it. maybe i wanna top a man that feels like the earth... vast & incapable of malice, able to give & receive violence, no more precious than my own body bc we r of each other. i got a metal wand a few days ago & i get it now. it feels rly good to let the motions move me. feels more like pressing buttons tho, but i can imagine how the feelings could resonate & amplify with scent, taste, & touch. i was reading an instagram post abt how beel hooks said in an interview that sexual liberation is celibacy & i dont think shes wrong. i think it probably has something to do with that article she wrote abt tasting, or having taste for, the other. i think, for myself, i have to learn someday.. to be anarchic on the level of myself... to be full & communal within myself.. to let go of those desires to hold on forever, so tightly, so intensely, to trust... & rly be in relationship with myself & my satisfactions. it sounds antithetical to why i was interested in anarchism to begin with, that idea that i could depend on other ppl bc it is the only way that anyone hasnt died. i still think it is true, but i think it is also an idea that is going to hurt me over & over & over in ways worse than being here or not here anymore. 

theres this seed that grows in the desert. the thing is, its going to die, right? theres no way it can grow there. im thinking abt how folks like me end up here, & what comes after. i dont want to leave home. isnt that the cruelest thing to my spirit & to the physical lives of everyone who is severed from my presence? maybe that cruelness isnt so bad. the thing is, the desert is everywhere. the seed might learn to get carried in the wind toward an unfamiliar stretch of desert. whose to say if the forests of origin still exist? can succession occur in this place that has been treated as garbage? its a paradise for those desert-dwelling folks. but seeds are only here to die. it feels like punishment. i dont want to grow scales & crawl with the rest of the folks who live. they have hurt & abused & chuckled while i have been withering. i dont blame them for living, but i will not forgive & become them either. they r the ppl i have grown up being told to love, for their love sustains my short moment of being. what do ppl like me do? it doesnt matter bc they arent me. the ones who survive r the ones i feel resentful toward. they betray me, they pretend to love me as much as they love the desert, they gaslight me into wanting this life. i am not grateful. maybe if i live long enough, i will become a vibrant poison. otherwise, this refusal is retribution enough.