#but specifically I have enjoyed the violence in fiction itself

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Yandere! Kyojuro Rengoku General Profile

Yandere! Kyojuro Rengoku x fem! reader

Tw: kidnapping, stalking, violence, he breaks your fingers, Kyo feeds you bird-style and it's pretty gross and gnarly, delusions/detachment from reality, Stockholm Syndrome, masturbation, slight misogyny/traditional gender roles, forced motherhood, allusions to non-con, you and Kyo share a toothbrush ugh, lots of references to death, fem reader, MDNI

I do not condone any of the actions described in this post - this is fiction and should be treated as such. If you or a loved one is in a similar situation to anything contained in this post or my blog in general, please seek help. You're in charge of your internet consumption; please make responsible choices. With that, enjoy!

WC: 11K

DARLING PROFILE:

Caring 

Similarly to most other Hashira, Kyojuro is greatly attracted to honest, genuine kindness.

His world is so full of hatred, death, and pain, and having a darling who is softer, sweeter, more empathetic makes his heart swell.

(And, occasionally, other things will swell when he sees his darling smiling or complimenting or speaking with children - but Kyojuro pays it no mind. So you shouldn’t, either.)

There’s just something so alluring about a darling who genuinely cares for the people around them - he himself is quite positive, if not blunt, and a darling who can match his philosophy of protecting and caring for those who need it would be a perfect match.

He likes the idea of a darling who has the best intentions of others’ at heart; it’s refreshing to see and interact with someone who is so pure and wonderfully kind, because while his fellow slayers are certainly committed to a good cause, his darling is different.

They’re naturally sweet, utterly unaware of the horrors of this world and yet still striving to make others smile, still trying to help undo any wrongs those around them have experienced.

This aspect of his darling is one of the first things he notices about them, and while he’s not a selfish man by any means, he’ll grow to absolutely love when this caring nature is directed at him, particular after long, difficult missions where he’s both physically and emotionally exhausted, only desiring to hold something soft and sweet and warm.

Coincidentally, something exactly like his darling.

Passionate

The specific passion itself is inconsequential – it doesn’t matter what his darling loves, as long as they love something.

He himself is driven by internal motivation and a righteousness to help others, and while his darling doesn’t need to be quite this serious, he likes the idea of them having goals and aspirations.

The most likely way this manifests itself within his darling is through a creative platform – art, music, culinary arts, writing, or any sort of activity in which his darling can express themselves.

He likes that his darling has something they truly enjoy, and he’s the type to want to learn about and indulge in his darling’s passion.

He’ll eagerly listen to everything they have to say, absorbing the information with wide, glittering eyes and a smile, trying so very hard to listen to their words but getting repeatedly distracted by how utterly adorable they look when they’re concentrating.

He can’t stop admiring the way they look when they’re discussing their passion, how happy they become, radiating a sort of joy and glow that only makes him fall harder and deeper, his obsession solidifying with every smile they give him.

And he’ll fully foster this passion of theirs – he’s got access to any resources his darling can dream of, easily providing them and enjoying the way their face lights up, how they become so grateful.

His only caveat is that he has to watch them as they work at their passion, getting a front row seat to watch them enjoy themselves, his bright eyes fixed on them the entire time because god, how are they so utterly perfect?

It’s endearing to Kyojuro because in his mind, his darling looks at him that way, too, with a smile and undying love.

Ambitious

Now, his darling doesn’t need to be ambitious in the sense that they take huge risks, or even that they have high expectations and goals for themselves.

It can manifest this way, sure, but the main core of why he finds this personality trait attractive is because it shows drive.

He likes a darling who has a strong sense of self; he doesn’t want to change his beloved in any way; he wants to be their pillar of support, to offer unwavering help and encouragement for whatever pursuits they’re chasing after, no matter how big or small.

He thinks it’s a wonderful thing to have dreams for the future, just as he does – he dreams of Senjuro once again having a happy family (one he hopes his darling will help provide), and of all demons being eradicated so that the world can live peacefully.

He’ll cherish and respect any dreams his darling possesses, but only if they don’t interfere with what he believes should happen.

He prioritizes his relationship with his darling above many things, and this includes what his darling wants most.

He will be expecting them to dutifully become his loving partner and wife, to bear his children and help him raise them, to be a guiding, loving hand to teach them morality, charity, and all sorts of other things that his darling hardly believes he possesses.

So while he’ll likely crush the ambitions his darling possesses, the mere fact that they have ambitions is attractive to him.

Talkative

It’s not that Kyojuro can’t fall for a quieter darling, but rather that he wants someone who will match his chattiness.

He’s naturally quite loud, truly a boisterous man who loves to interact with others.

He’s constantly peppering his darling with questions, his voice a steady flow as he just talks and talks and talks, throwing compliments and them alongside grandiose declarations of love, all intermixed with small talk about the weather or the flowers on the sides of the village pathways, or even about the pretty birds flying in the sky.

He just likes interacting with his darling, and he needs someone that is willing to return his eagerness to talk.

He likes the way his darling’s attention stays on him when he’s speaking to them; how their eyes stay fixed on his form, how they nod along to his words, how they laugh at his outlandish, unbelievable claims and logic, how they just simply acknowledge him, making him feel comfortable and seen and wanted.

Kyojuro will want to spend hours talking with his darling, and he needs someone who can match this energy. He needs a darling who can pepper him with their own questions, who can keep the conversation flowing and keep the interaction alive.

Besides, Kyojuro has this unwavering, unsatiable curiosity for his beloved, one that can only be partially quelled when his darling is revealing more and more about themselves.

And he’ll eagerly listen, mentally storing away each new piece of information, remembering absolutely everything because everything about his darling is important, something that must be remembered and cherished and worshipped.

They’re just perfect, and if they’re naturally chatty, it only furthers his obsession. 

GENERAL YANDERE TRAITS:

Delusional 

Generally speaking, from the moment that Kyojuro’s feelings for you fully form, he’s absolutely, utterly under the impression that every emotion, desire and draw he feels towards you is returned fully. He honestly believes that you’re just as in love as he is, that the connection he’s so acutely aware of between the both of you is mutual, that you’re just as desperate and eager to be his partner, his lover, his wife and the woman he’ll spend the rest of his life with. 

He doesn’t have any real romantic experience - he’s been attracted to women before, sure, but he’s never courted someone before you simply because when he courts, he intends to wed. 

And as a result, his only real reference for romance is his own parents’ relationship. And while it was loving, beautiful, healthy while his mother was still alive, time and his changing father have left Kyojuro with a bit of a warped view of love. 

And this is where his delusions stem from - he’s confident, desperate for you to return the passionate feelings he holds for you, and he manages to convince himself of your growing love for him every day. 

He’s so sure, in fact, that even as his obsession with you forms (slowly, as he’s a bit picky about partners and can be a bit oblivious even towards his own feelings), so do the beginnings of his detachment from reality. As he slowly begins realizing that he enjoys being in your presence more than most other people, your smiles and greetings of oh hello Rengoku, I didn’t know you’d be here will seem more and more like you expressing your glee at having him by your side rather than a simple, platonic welcome. 

As he realizes that hearing you laugh makes his palms sweat and his heart race, he begins thinking your laugh is really for him, that your chuckles are stronger when they’re directed at him than compared to others. 

He’s imagining your pretty face lighting up with that radiant smile behind closed eyes when he’s falling asleep at night, and slowly he begins concluding that your every quirk of the lip towards him must mean that you’re happy with him, that his presence alone fills you with a sort of joy that you simply can’t hide. 

(And, perhaps you know that it’s you that fills his thoughts at night – maybe you’re purposefully plaguing his thoughts, trying to tell him something - perhaps you want him to think of you and your lovely mouth, the way your lips look when you say his name, how your tongue flicks out to wet them just so…) 

It’s mostly innocent in the beginning; his delusions manifest more as simply misreading the signals you send him, honest mistakes that aren’t too uncommon – but, as the relationship (or, at least the one Kyojuro is trying so very hard cultivate) progresses, these slips in judgment become more and more profound, more and more difficult to ignore. 

When he’s wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you into his chest as he inhales deeply and enthusiastically greets you in a voice just a bit too breathy for your liking, Kyojuro sees your discreet attempts at ending the far-too-long hug as you merely trying to get comfortable. 

Surely you just want to feel more of his body against your own, or want him to be closer so that there’s nothing separating you from him, from the love he’s oh so willing to give you. 

When you bite your lip and avert your gaze as you politely ask him to stop staring at you so much and following you home, Kyojuro will simply smile, placing a hand on your shoulder and giving you a firm don’t worry, I don’t mind protecting you! It’s my place as a Hashira, after all, so don’t needlessly fret! 

He honestly doesn’t understand why you’re not as happy as he is, and frankly he can’t even really fathom the idea that you aren’t happy – how can he, when he’s been searching for so many years for a partner to love and spoil? 

How can he, when your body just seems to perfectly fit against his own, your voice like honey and your name a drug as it slips from his lips? 

How can he, when he’s seen his father so harshly decline, when the memory of his mother is still so fresh, when he wants so badly to build a family of his own, to give Senjuro another family to call his?

How can he, when you become the sole reason he begins valuing his own life during missions, not being as reckless because he needs to come home to you - you need your lover and husband, of course.

(In more ways than one - who will protect you? Provide for you? Pleasure you?) 

Kyojuro honestly latches onto you, his every thought and emotion revolving around you you you, to the point where even once he’s locked you away, deep inside the Rengoku residence with your shared bed and lovely, expensive new kimonos neatly folded in stacks upon stacks (all in shades of reds and golds, of course, to signify your status with him), he still won’t recognize that you’re always crying because you’re scared. 

He won’t realizethat you flinch when he touches you because you don’t want him anywhere near you. 

He won’t connect the dots that you spend each and every night curled up in a ball weeping because you just want to go home, please Kyojuro, please… 

Try as he may, he just can’t fathom that you aren’t as madly, desperately in love – so don’t bother, really, because it’s much more hassle than it’s worth, and in the end he’ll get what he wants. He always will get what he wants, so why don’t you just give in? 

He’ll never let you go, never believe any of your pleas to be freed from him, so why don’t you just accept his love? 

Protective 

Honestly, your personal combat abilities are irrelevant - in Kyojuro’s mind, you’re weak. Defenseless. Laughably unable to keep yourself safe and out of trouble - incapable, even, though it sounds a bit harsh.

He believes that you’re too fragile and sweet and wonderful to be anywhere near a demon, a human with bad intentions, or anything of the sort.

Your strengths lie not in battle, but in your charm and beauty - you’re so sweet, your words melting him like butter and leaving him as putty in your hands, his heart doing backflips in his chest as his fingers twitch to do anything and everything just to keep you smiling.

Your talents lie in the way you effortlessly intrigue him; your words ensnaring his attention no matter the topic, your touch sending electricity up his spine, even your most mundane actions making him stop and stare because every little thing you do is important.

You simply aren’t made for the battlefield, or for confrontation in general - he’s sure of it, and he’s arguably the most trustworthy source of judgment you could find. He’s a seasoned Hashira, seen more death than you can imagine, slaughtered more demons than you can count, so could he really be wrong in his assessment of your abilities?

He sees you as a bit of a baby, in all honesty, because while he’s more than aware of your womanly charms (the not so subtle way his eyes rake over your figure when he forces you to bathe with him is enough to convince you of that, if the way his hands ghost over the bulge of his trousers when you speak to him wasn’t enough), he still can’t shake the paranoia that you’ll one day be hurt.

He’s terrified that you can’t really take care of yourself as well as he can. And frankly, the paranoia isn’t unfounded – it’s difficult to fault him for his overprotectiveness when you think of his past, how often he sees death, and how often he’s the cause of it.

He’s too accustomed to seeing others’ lives lost, and he absolutely refuses to allow you the same fate, so long as he’s breathing and has enough finger strength to grip his sword and send air rushing through his lungs.

He’s determined to a disturbing degree to keep you safe; with every demon he decapitates, internally he’s sighing in relief because that’s one less monster that could potentially sink their claws into you - every demon dead is a step towards keeping you safe, healthy, alive, his.

He’s patronizing in an odd way, because while he doubts your capabilities, he doesn’t treat you like you’re a child. He’s just hovering, always, with his eyes glued to you and that same unnerving, wide smile on his lips that never seems to go away when you’re around him.

His gaze is wide and excited as he sees how you bring the bowl of soup to your lips to sip, the intensity of the way he watches making your hands tremble and a bit of the hot soup spill down to your chest.

He’ll let you feed yourself - for now - but as soon as you flinch, the heat and wetness making you cringe as you get up to clean yourself, he’s on you – a flash of yellow and red as he tut-tuts and uses the sleeve of his haori to wipe up the mess, a thumb against your lip and his face much too close to yours as he tells you to be careful, don’t hurt yourself, my flame.

He’s not letting you touch anything with sharp edges, for fear that you’ll trip and cut yourself, nor does he allow you permission to speak to anyone new that he hasn’t already extensively vetted in his own way.

(This comprises mostly of just simply observing someone, and the moment he sees something even slightly unfavorable - like a snarky comment or even having their hair be messy - he’s deciding that they’re not good enough to interact with you - you’re better than them, and speaking with them would only taint you, bringing you down from the pedestal he places you on.)

 He’s controlling, not allowing anyone into your life that isn’t himself, to the point that he’ll simply show up the second another man or woman begins speaking with you, a strong arm around your waist with fingers digging in much harsher than they should, that familiar smile tight on his lips.

He’s terrified that he’ll one day lose you, and in a lot of ways keeping you safe is his own way of living up to the expectations of his mother.

You’re weak, so damn weak, and you need someone to care for you, to be there for you and take care of you in your time of need, and Kyojuro is more than happy to take on the role, to take responsibility of your life and safety.

It’s a bit overwhelming, how he’s always offering to do tasks for you, interrupting you halfway through to take over with that broad grin of his, that laugh and a rambunctious what kind of lover would I be if I didn’t carry your groceries for you making it difficult to stop him.

And really, eventually you’ll get to the point of relenting and letting him to do as he pleases, because as much as the man may intimidate you, scare you or disturb you, there’s just something about his desperation to please you that’ll get you feeling oddly flattered, flustered simply because of the lengths he’s willing to go.

Because really, while it may scare you how his hand always seems to find a place at your hip, don’t all the stories and movies have chivalrous male leads helping guide the girl through crowded areas, a steady hand to help keep them grounded, just as Kyojuro does?

Sure, it’s weird how he knows the order from every restaurant in town that you like, how he’s always able to show up at just the right time with a steaming bowl of udon or whatever you’re feeling, but doesn’t it feel nice to be cared for, that he thought of you and made the stop to buy you something?

It may be disturbing how he gulps and smiles wider every time he sees you bend over, but isn’t it flattering to know that he finds your body attractive?

He won’t allow you to place a finger on anything or anyone that could hurt you, so you’d better get used to the life of a pampered housewife – because while it will take him a long while to allow you to cook with any sort of heat, there’s something oddly therapeutic about being your big, strong partner that provides for you, while you keep his bed and heart warm, all with that natural charm he finds so alluring. 

Clingy

Because Kyojuro’s perceptions of your relationship aren’t exactly realistic, he’ll come off as extremely, extremely needy to you. But it’s in a strange way – he’s not constantly clinging onto you, needing your reassurance and needing your eyes to stay focused entirely on him.

(He certainly won’t discourage this kind of behavior, of course, but he isn’t that outwardly desperate, and he isn’t the type to physically grasp your chin to keep you looking at him. He’ll perhaps grasp your hand or your waist to keep you at his hip, but he’s not quite that blatant.)

Instead, his clinginess manifests in how he’s simply always around you.

His presence will become a constant in your life – you’d be hard pressed to not see those familiar blond and red locks in your peripheral, or to hear that booming voice ringing in your ears. It would be difficult to find yourself in a public situation where Kyojuro isn’t standing diligently at your side, that blinding smile spread across his face, turning just a bit softer and a bit more earnest when it’s aimed at you.

Really, he simply hates being away from you. Not having you within his sight makes him nervous, anxiety itching at his stomach because where are you?

It’s not possessiveness, not a paranoia that you could be talking to other men, but rather an honest, genuine, horrible fear that you could be hurt, that someone could’ve taken you and injured you and touched you and possibly even have killed you.

And frankly, the fear isn’t too unfounded – you’ll understand why he's always rushing to you, literally running to catch up with you when you wander away from him, a steady hand pressing into your back as he pulls you into a hug, the faint smell of woodsmoke and musk filling your nose as the hard planes of his chest press against you.

It’s understandable, so you won’t really wonder why he’s always insisting on accompanying you every free moment he has, his presence acting as your shadow but much, much louder. It might make you uncomfortable, sure, because having someone always by your side is a little disorienting and overwhelming at times, but you’ll tolerate it – how can you tell Kyojuro no, anyway?

He’s so radiant when he’s giving you that smile, his eyes sparkling and his hands soft and gentle as he grasps onto yours, telling you that he’s so excited, we must try the new ramen shop down the street! I’ll order your favorite, you needn’t remind me what it is! I think we should share one, and perhaps a second or third…

(It’s probably not worth mentioning to him that you never even told him what your favorite is, he just seemed to know it, a fact that initially unnerved you, but you’ve found that guessing what you’ll like seems to be a talent of his. It’s not, of course, because he’s spent hours talking with any family members or friends of yours to learn every possible scrap of information about you that he can, introducing himself as your fiancé and charming them enough to get even the most sensitive secrets out of them, including your menstrual patterns, your bathing routine, even your temperament as a child because he’s convinced it will give him insight into the temperaments of your future – and inevitable – children together.)

You’ll disregard his penchant for always staying by your side in the beginning, but as time progresses it’ll become more difficult to let his behavior roll off your back.

Accompanying you to the market is fine, but you’ll bite your lip and find the courage to speak up when he ends up straying a good five feet behind you, his bright eyes burning holes into the back of your head as he keeps pace with you.

(When you turn around to ask him why he’s not walking with you, but rather trailing behind you like some sort of stalker, he’ll just laugh and tell you in that familiar, boisterous voice that he can protect you better this way! Besides, the view from this angle is excellent! Dissecting that last comment will only make you more uncomfortable, so you simply nod and keep walking, picking up your pace and desperately wishes you’d be arriving sooner.)

Him wanting to meet all your friends and acquaintances is fine, but when he’s pushing his way into the conversation and snaking an arm around your waist, you’ll feel just as awkward as your companions, disturbed by the casual manner with which Kyojuro handles you.

(This almost always leads to the assumption that the two of you are together, which you’ll frantically shake your head to, spouting some nonsense about being just friends that makes Kyojuro’s brows cock inwards, sending a glance at you with quizzical eyes. Just friends? You are certainly friends, but you’re more than that – friends don’t daydream about each other, and friends certainly don’t spend nights with ragged breaths, bucking hips, and the other’s name slipping from their lips like a prayer.)

He’s just a lot, and while you knew this from the beginning, time will only increase his behavior, pushing him more and more into spending time with you, into writing you letters while he’s away on a mission (they’re mostly detailing how much he misses you, telling you of each object and person that reminded him of you, and while it would be sweet, the sheer volume and frequency of these letters will make you loathed to open them), even into pushing past your boundaries and being much, much too familiar with you.

(You’ll bid him goodnight after he’s walked you home from the meal he insisted you share, but he doesn’t seem to get the hint and instead waltzes straight into your modest home, settling himself at your tableside and beaming at you, telling you to join me, my flame, I wish to hear about your deepest desires! He won’t insist on staying the night, as that would be too inappropriate for a not yet married couple – which he seems to be insinuating the two of you are – and will eventually take his leave, but not before gently grabbing your hand and pressing a kiss against your knuckles that’s much, much too wet, and far too long.)

His clinginess can be suffocating, of course, but once you’re stuck with him, forced to live in the Rengoku estate and call him your husband?

Well, if you thought he was needy before, it’s nothing compared to the way he treats you then – constantly wandering hands (concentrated mostly at your waist, hips, and squeezing your thighs), compliments that toe the line between heartfelt and disturbing (you are so very beautiful, particularly when you’re asleep – did you know that you smell a certain way when you’re unconscious? It’s sweet, like ripe fruit; I wish to smell it at all times), and those eyes always, always focused on you.

Every free moment he has goes into attending to you, whether you want it or not, so don’t even bother trying to get some distance from the Flame Pillar.

He will invade your space and he will not be regretful, his delusions most often barring him from even realizing that you’re uncomfortable.  

He’s simply a man who ardently admires and desires you, and at the end of the day, you can’t even really blame him. Because, as they say, love makes one do crazy things, and he’s certainly, certainly in love with you.

DEALING WITH RIVALS:

When it comes to jealousy, Kyojuro is surprisingly relatively unaffected, all things considered.

He’s not someone who’s biting at your heels the moment another man spares you a glance, and while he obviously doesn’t like the way other men interact with you, he’s not nearly as suffocating regarding his possessiveness as some of his fellow Hashira.

He tends to give others the benefit of the doubt, and while he’s still very protective over you and would immediately step in if another man posed a threat to your safety or comfort, he doesn’t automatically assume that any man who interacts with you has nefarious intent.

And so, he doesn’t immediately grow jealous and snarl at any man stupid enough to come within a few feet of you – he’s not as depraved, at least in that sense.

(In others, absolutely, but if Kyojuro has one redeeming quality, it’s his judgement of character.)

However, this isn’t because of some moral high ground the Pillar possesses, or a firm sense of lucidity – in fact, it’s quite the opposite, as his delusions drive most of his indifference regarding other men giving you attention.

He’s so, so confident in the idea that you’re meant for one another that he honestly doesn’t even register that you could interested in another man, that you could be stolen away from him willingly, that you could fall in love with anyone but the Flame Hashira himself.

He just doesn’t get it, and so he isn’t as suffocating as he could be in these situations – no, not by a long shot, something you’re admittedly equal parts lucky and unlucky for.

Because really, while you won’t have to deal with the isolation that comes with extreme levels of possessiveness, being Kyojuro’s darling is certainly not an easy ride – how can it be, when he’s so blatantly unaware of the signs in front of him that a man is coming on to you, that he’s smiling and flirting with you and reaching out to brush the hair away from your eyes while you bashfully grin and laugh at his lame jokes?

How can you not be unsettled with the way he’s so unaffected, always spouting nonsense about how in love you two are, how perfect of a match you are, how no man would ever dare take you away from me – how could anyone break such a real bond of love?

It’s disturbing, and as time passes slowly you’ll come to realize that while he won’t drag you kicking and screaming away from another man trying to get more than familiar with you, the alternative of watching him broadcast what he perceives to be your ‘relationship’ to every stranger who makes eye contact with you will get old very quickly, the feeling of him almost trying to show you off making your skin crawl and a cold sweat break out over your hairline.

Kyojuro isn’t subtle, not in the least, which is why the minute another man approaches you, you should be ready – the embarrassment will be thick, as will the discomfort of everyone involved (except the Hashira himself, of course).

So you might as well stop trying to converse with other people – after all, Kyojuro has no problem acting on his intuition, so won’t you just not give him a reason to be so extravagant? 

The moment the man in the small market stall shoots you a shy smile and approaches you, there’s already a sinking feeling settling in your gut, the knowledge that your self-proclaimed ‘lover’ is only a few stalls down making you bite your lip in anxiety.

He’s polite, by all accounts – full lips a pleasant pink color ask you about your opinion on the newest shipment of melons, the fruit laid out in front of you in a pleasing display. There’s a respectful distance of a few feet between your bodies, and his voice is soft, calming, the complete opposite of the boisterous, loud slayer you’ve come to be so close with. It’s refreshing, and you shoot him a smile as well as you point to a certain melon on the display.

This one looks ripe – you can tell, you know, by the markings on the fruit. The more yellow spots, the better the texture will be.

The man’s still looking at you, but his gaze shifts to the fruit as he nods in agreement. He laughs a bit, then reaches out to pick up the melon. I’ll trust your advice, then.

 The interaction is somewhat short, sweet and innocent, and though you get the feeling that the man finds you attractive (the light blush on his cheeks tells you as much), you don’t feel particularly uncomfortable.

But all too soon the peace of the moment is ending, and a familiar call of your name has your spine stiffening, your throat bobbing as you heavily swallow. The call comes again, and all too soon there’s an unfortunately familiar hand settling on your waist, Kyojuro’s muscular arm wrapping around your body and pulling you flush against his side.

Being so close in public would normally embarrass you, but you can’t find it in yourself to care when you know what’s coming.

My flame, who is this? A friend of yours? Kyojuro asks, and before you can open your mouth to answer, the stranger does.

Oh, um, I’m Takeru.

He’s visibly uncomfortable, and as you try to subtly squirm out of the slayer’s grasp, Kyojuro’s smile only widens.

He nods his head lightly, his smile growing even brighter. A pleasure to meet you, Takeru! I am Kyojuro Rengoku, thank you for helping keep her safe at this busy market place!

The man – Takeru – shifts awkwardly, unsure how to respond to such a strange comment, but it doesn’t seem to stop your unwanted companion.

You see, she has such a habit of wandering away in crowded places, and it makes it hard to keep an eye on her! You’d be amazed at how often I’ve seen her trip and fall in places like these!

 He laughs at that, and you feel a new kind of embarrassment eat away at you. Does he really need to be sharing all this information?

Yes, it’s very crowded, Takeru agrees, and you silently send him a pleading look. He blinks at you, discomfort clearly swimming in the black depths of his dark eyes, and internally you beg Kyojuro to just drag you both away from the stranger.

She can be so forgetful, but that’s the wonderful thing about love! Despite her clumsiness, she is still graceful and elegant to me, and that’s a sign of true love, wouldn’t you agree?

Takeru nods, hesitantly, and you grit your teeth.

Kyojuro sighs dreamily from beside you, squeezing you even tighter against his side. And I do love her, of course! She is my soulmate, the future mother of my children, and every time I gaze at her, my devotion only grows deeper!

You’re visibly embarrassed now, trying to cover your face and desperately willing the interaction to just be over, but Kyojuro doesn’t seem to hear your silent prayers.

He grabs your wrist gently, his lips pressing kisses against the inside of your wrist, and immediately you’re eyes grow wide. Surely he wouldn’t, not in a public setting –

He cuts your thoughts off with a press of his lips against yours, the groan that he releases against you making you shiver in anything but pleasure. Your eyes are still open, and you see Takeru staring with a dropped jaw, evidently shocked at Kyojuro’s blatant display of affection.

Your brows furrow, and as he slips his tongue past your lips, you find yourself only able to focus on the way Kyojuro is growing louder, his groans getting more pronounced as the kiss grows hungrier, more desperate, feeling less like a tender, heartfelt sign of love.

After a good two minutes he finally pulls away, your lips feeling sticky and wet from his saliva. He stares down at you with heady eyes, his tongue licking his lips as he whispers your name under his breath.

You go to say his name, to ask him if you can just leave the market, but he cuts you off with a laugh.

Oh my flame, where did Takeru go? We must have scared him off with our display of passion! My sincere hopes that he’ll one day find a love like ours.

You very much don’t wish that, but as Kyojuro grasps your hand and guides you to the edge of the market place, passing through the spot Takeru had departed from during your sudden and overtly steamy kiss, you’ll find yourself sighing.

The blatant act of romance was unwarranted and unwanted, of course, but somehow your lips are tingling, your heart racing in shamefulness and something else – something that grows stronger and Kyojuro turns to look back at you, a grin stretching across his lips, his cheeks tinted pink as he gazes at you.

It’s wrong and you’ll hate it, every part of you screaming to not be fooled by the boyish look he’s giving you; he’s a slayer, a grown man who very clearly doesn’t understand that you are not future spouses, that you are not in love.

You’ll hate yourself for it, but even as he leads you back to your home, guiding you and not letting your hand go the whole way (even though you you’re very familiar with the route and don’t need his navigational help), you’ll find yourself almost, almost wishing he’d kiss you again – just not in front of a stranger this time.

TAKING HIS DARLING AWAY:

Because he’s on the more delusional side, Kyojuro’s view of your relationship is warped.

He’s already eager in the context of romantic relationships, but in yours, specifically, he’s rushing through all the steps, too excited to get that gold ring on your finger and his last name replacing yours to really take his time with you.

And this becomes problematic particularly because you will have no idea, at least at first, that the Flame Hashira believes you’re courting one another, that it’s simply a matter of time before you’re keeping his bed warm and nursing his children.

And because of this quick timeline of your relationship, Kyojuro is actually quite quick to propose living together. Of course, it’s a bit taboo to be living under the same roof before you’re wed, but he’s willing to bend the traditional rules a bit if you put up any sort of opposition.

If you decline his blatant requests to live with him, he won’t relent. Initially, he’ll bluntly ask you in the middle of a shared meal if you’d like to move your belongings into the Rengoku mansion - I can have a few servants come to assist in the moving process, if you’d like, and of course I’ll be there to help carry anything heavy!

When you stare at him like he’s grown two heads, he’ll be a little confused, and curiously asks you why you seem to be shocked.

When you honestly respond, at a loss as to why he’s asking you to live with him when you’re very, very firmly just friends, Kyojuro will only laugh in response, his hand coming down to slap his knee because oh, you’re so funny, you sweet, coy little thing.

He’ll drop the subject that day, moving on to ask you about your thoughts about the weather or your favorite color or anything at all, greedy to hear your voice and bask in your attention.

But the next day, when he suddenly pops out of nowhere and accompanies you on your walk into town to buy a few necessities, the question is prompted once more.

I only have two separate futons, but I’m sure we could push them together! Similarly, I only have two blankets, but I’m sure my body heat will keep you warm!

You’ll be confused, giving yourself just a hair more distance between your bodies (he’d gotten very close without you noticing), throwing him a glance and worryingly asking what are you talking about?

He’s so nonchalant when he answers our sleeping arrangements, of course that it makes you wonder if you’ve missed something, if you’re somehow not in the loop because when the fuck did you agree to sleep in the same room as him, much less in such a position where you could feel his body heat?

You’ll negate his questions and try to change the topic once more, but Kyojuro is relentless - everyday there will be a new question of when you’ll inevitably be living together, and with every day he gets more and more restless to finally have you in his arms as he sleeps, to come home to you after long missions, to relish in the sight of you peacefully reading or crafting in the morning sun, wearing his clothing and smelling like him.

He’s a patient man, yes, but even Kyojuro has his limits - and he finally reaches this limit when one day he can’t seem to find you anywhere.

It’s like you’ve disappeared off the face of the Earth - he’d wanted to spend some time with you (really, he’d just finished his allotted training for the day and had been idly daydreaming about holding your hand the whole time, and was now in desperate need of finding you to intertwine your fingers with his), but your home was empty and none of your neighbors seemed to remember seeing you leave.

Immediately worry is eating away at him, because his sole job as your future lover and husband is to keep tabs on you and protect you, and he’d been too busy focusing on himself and getting stronger to fulfill his duty.

He searches for you in all the common spots he knows you visit, and with each empty location his desperation gets a bit more extreme, his panic slowly engulfing him because where the fuck could you be?

Eventually he’s sprinting around the general area you reside in, running mile after mile as his smile slips away and his entire body grows sweaty, his heart racing and even a few tears threatening to well in his eyes because he can’t stomach the thought that you’ve been hurt somehow, that someone has stolen you, that you’re simply gone.

It’s not until the evening that he eventually stumbles upon you, your pretty kimono stained with a bit of dirt as the bottom hem and your shoulders a bit slumped from the heavy bag slung over them, your limbs aching from the long journey it’d taken to visit a friend a few villages over.

He happens to run by you along the path, and immediately he’s stopping and staring, his chest visibly heaving, his eyes wide and vulnerable as he blinks, pinching himself to make sure this is real, that you’re really standing in front of him, that you haven’t been devoured like he’d been imagining.

But all too soon he’s rushing forward, the wind knocked out of your lungs as he tackles you to the ground, clutching you against his chest as he bombards you with questions, slurred and rushed as he asks if you’re okay, are you hurt? Where were you? Why didn’t you tell me you’d be gone today? Did you speak to anyone? Did anyone touch you? Were you scared without me?

He’s speaking so quickly and loudly into your ear that you can’t even get a response in, his voice slightly uneven and betraying the influx of emotion swimming through his chest. He’ll pull back to gaze at you, thumbs brushing over your cheek, before smiling softly and pressing a soft, long kiss to your forehead, whispering to you that you’ll be safe now, my love, forever.

Then it all goes black, and you wake up dressed in a much too nice kimono, sleeping in an ornate room in a futon you don’t recognize, familiar eyes trained on your form as his seated figure watches you slowly wake up beside him. 

As a captor, Kyojuro is mostly just suffocating.

Because he still heavily believes in the delusions he’s been nursing since the beginning of his infatuation with you, he doesn’t see anything wrong with what he’s done. He doesn’t see his relocation of you as kidnapping, nor does he understand why you seem so unhappy to be with him.

It was inevitable that you’d be sharing the same home and bed, didn’t you know?

Why do you seem so surprised when he wraps an arm around your waist and pulls you flush against his body, spooning you and sighing your name into your ear with just a bit too much reverence?

Why are you flinching away from him when he pulls you close for a kiss, his calloused fingers gently grasping your chin as he whispers between wet, loud kisses that he loves you, that he’s more in love with you than you could possibly imagine, my flame, you are my light in eternal darkness.

He’s sappy and too much and always hovering around you, his presence smothering you in every sense of the word. He’s clingy and needy, always wanting to be watching you and simply observe you, because even though he now spends nearly every hour of every day he has off in your presence, everything you do is still special to him, interesting and wonderful and important, and he has no sense of boundaries.

He will be standing close to you, practically breathing down your neck. He will ask you all sorts of personal questions, ranging from things like your greatest fears and most embarrassing moments to your menstrual cycle and which spots feel best when you’re touching yourself to the thought of him.

(He assumes you must pleasure yourself while thinking of him, because he does, too, religiously, every night, your pretty face and voice and body at the forefront of his thoughts as he paints his fist white over and over and over.)

He doesn’t see any reason why there should be any sort of barriers between the two of you, because you’re soulmates - made for one another, destined to spend your lives together, your fates irrefutably intertwined and brought together by the unyielding, passionate love you possess for one another.

And, unfortunately, this lack of barriers manifests itself in some pretty undesirable ways - you’ll be sharing one singular toothbrush, for example, Kyojuro insisting that it’s romantic and sweet and becoming of a young couple to share everything with one another, even their saliva.

He’s having the two of you share undergarments; they’re all made of soft, smooth cloth, in a variety of neutral colors that he’ll wear for the day, then shuffle up your legs the next day, smiling and licking his lips because the fabric that spent all day pressed up against him is now pressed up against you.

(And, on days where you’re particularly unlucky, sometimes Kyojuro lets his thoughts run a bit wild once he’s wearing them, his eyes fluttering closed as he imagines you and subtly ruts against his palm as he waits for nightfall in the small village his next mission is in, the time passing slowly until he’s gasping your name and staining the undergarment with wet warmth, already giddy and excited to have you wear them tomorrow, unwashed.)

He’ll even sometimes share food - and not in a sweet, romantic way, but rather in a raw, connected way; he’ll take a bit of food and chew it, then press his lips against yours and push it into your mouth, encouraging you to chew as well, before eventually kissing you once more and swallowing it all himself, his grin nearly blinding because now he’s eaten both the meal and you, or at least a bit of your spit.

He’s just weird, and while he’s constantly showering you in compliments and spoiling you with anything and everything under the sun, it’ll be hard to adjust to this new, strange lifestyle simply because he doesn’t really allow you time to adjust.

He’s expecting everything to be sunshine and roses from the moment you wake up as a freshly kidnapped darling, his expectations high that you’ll be pliant and willing and happy to learn that you’re finally, finally together.

And while it takes a lot of disobedience from you to snap him out of his rose colored view of you, Kyojuro is doing everything in his power to make sure that your relationship is perfect, that he’s taking good care of you and loving you as he should.

Which leads to another important aspect of being his darling - he doesn’t see women is inferior in any way (Shinobu and Mitsuri alone have dispelled that image), but he likes the idea of you being his housewife, fulfilling traditionally feminine duties.

He likes the idea of you taking care of the home, making sure dinner is cooked and served for him in the evening (he’ll often send a crow your way when he’s heading home after missions, just so that you can prepare for his arrival - normally, this means a meal and very little clothing adorning your frame, so that he can feast on your delicious food and then your delicious body), and attending to his every need as he does you.

He likes the idea of you keeping the mansion clean and eagerly awaiting his return home when he’s away, your devotion to him keeping you motivated to make sure everything is perfectly in order for him.

He’s trying for children very, very early on, his thrusts slow, deep and meaningful as he kisses you and promises that this will finally be the load that takes, because the mere idea of you swollen with his child and needing his help to do things even as simple as sitting down makes him giddy and unbearably excited.

And he doesn’t want just one child - oh no, he wants many, as many as you’re willing to give him.

He wants the perfect family with you, and as your captor, he won’t try to hide this wish. You will be made aware that he wants you to dote on him, that he wants you to spread your legs and conceive his child, that he wants you you you.

(He’s discussing potential names with you within the first week of having kidnapped you, his fingers idly tracing over your stomach as he tells you that the first born must be named Shinjuro, then perhaps we’ll have a daughter, and she can be named Hana! But we must also have some named Takeru, Ucharo, Nakagome, Watabe, and of course Shigeru! And after that, if you have any names in mind, we can surely name the following children them!)

 Kyojuro isn’t necessarily bad, per se, as he does genuinely spoil you and give you all the time and attention and physical affection he can, but you’ll feel weighed down, crushed, drowning in the way he always seems to take and take from you.

But eventually, you will grow dependent on him - how can you not? He’s still so sweet with all the compliments he gives you (a little deranged, perhaps, but the sentiment is there), the reverence in his eyes when he gazes at you, the gentleness and eagerness in his touch when he has his hands on you.

He’s complicated, yes, but life with him will be so very simple - just bend to his whims, and perhaps you’ll even enjoy the way he hugs you so tightly it nearly hurts, or how he limits the number of servants who are allowed to speak with you - he just loves you, and is it so wrong to enjoy being loved?

PUNISHMENTS:

As his darling, you’re somewhat lucky that Kyojuro is as delusional as he is, if only because it keeps him mostly blind to any misbehavior and attitude you can throw at him.

Of course, he has his limits, but in general he’s able to write off any snarky comments of yours or slight attempts to put distance between the two of you as you simply you trying to be funny, barking out a laugh and moving even closer to you, pressing into your space even more, making sure there’s not an inch of space between your bodies.

Or, sometimes, he interprets your very blatant rebellions against him as you simply trying to test his resolve – he thinks you’re trying to force him into showing just how deeply he loves you, as if you’re testing just how strong his feelings for you are.

And while he finds this just the slightest bit offensive (you’re doubting his love for you – his passion for you; can you not tell that his heart beats only for you? Can you not see that alongside his duty to the Corp, you’re the reason he breaths, the reason he wakes up in the morning, the reason he’s alive?), it mostly serves as motivation for him to love you harder, to become more expressive with his feelings.

It pushes him to hug you tighter, his fingers nearly leaving bruises with the strength of his grip around you, the hugs going much longer and getting more intimate, if the brush of something big and hard against your thigh is any indication.

It pushes him to compliment you more, the words falling from his lips with such conviction that it’ll almost make you flustered, if the content wasn’t so unnerving.

(There’s lots of you are so beautiful, my flame, but there’s also a lot of you look so peaceful in your sleep, it makes me want to lock you away forever and keep you mine and deep inhales followed by your scent sets me on fire, my love, you don’t know what you do to me.)

He views most of your rebellions as simply you trying to catch his attention, perhaps being a sign that you feel you’re being neglected by all the missions he must leave you and attend to.

And frankly, Kyojuro doesn’t blame you – he wishes he could give you more attention too, because although he feels his job is wildly fulfilling and the morally correct thing to do, a more selfish part of his heart yearns to spend his days with you in his hands instead of his sword, your body curled up against his while he keeps you warm and tells you how deeply he loves you.

And because of all the different avenues he employs to simply disregard any negative behavior from you, punishments with Kyojuro are extremely rare. It takes quite a bit to push him into reality for even a brief moment, to force him to come face to face with the fact that you aren’t happy and that you don’t love him.

He only has a few triggers that can be powerful enough to force him into this mindset – you harming yourself, and you attempting to escape.

When you injure yourself, it’s difficult to rationalize why you would have done that, but he’s normally able to scold you (with condescending words and tone, that same smile stretched across his lips), telling you to be more careful and let me prepare your bath next time, all burns from hot water must be avoided in the future! But you trying to escape is not so easy to twist into a pleasing fantasy of his.

It’s much harder to understand why you’re ceaselessly trying to break open the windows of the estate, to the point where your knuckles bleed and your elbows bruise. It’s harder to understand why you try to work at the lock keeping the main doors sealed, your poor fingernails splitting and aching from all the tugging and pulling.

He’s not sure why you’re going through so much trouble – surely there must be easier ways to get his attention. Surely there must be less painful and pitiful methods to get him fawning over you and proving his dedication to you – so why aren’t you taking them? Why are you choosing this difficult path, one that makes him apprehensive to leave you alone for more than thirty seconds?

(Not that that’s the only reason he’s hesitant to leave you alone – his clinginess and desire for your physical touch is the bulk majority – but it’s still a major player.)

And when he asks you, with his arms wrapped around your abdomen, your own arms flailing and your legs kicking at anything you can reach, your answer will have him pausing for a moment, an unwelcome feeling of reality washing back over him.

Because I hate being here, I want to go home! Please, let me go home!

His spine goes straight at that, his eyes widening ever so slightly, your punches and kicks to his shoulders and thighs doing nothing to faze him. You want… to go home? But aren’t you already home, by his side?

His grip tightens on you, a sort of displeased hum ringing in your ears. He’s carrying you away from the front doors and down the convoluted hallways of the estate, his grip on you never weakening.

Your words repeat over and over in his head, each replay confusing him more and more. You aren’t happy being here? With him? He bites his lip, bright eyes glancing down at you in his arms, with big tears slipping down your cheeks and your shoulders shaking with poorly concealed sobs.

This doesn’t seem like an attempt at gaining his attention – why would you go through such lengths? In all his time of falling in love with you, he’s never known you to be such a good actor.

Your tears look real, as does the sound of your voice when you whisper his name and weakly pound your fist against his chest, begging him to let me go home, I can’t be here any longer, I can’t stand it!

He sets you down onto the bed of the bedroom he’s brought you into – the bedroom where he forces you to sleep beside him, your nightclothes sticking to your skin with the heat that radiates from his body and the sheer proximity his forced cuddling creates.

He’ll watch as you scramble away from him, curling your knees to your chest and looking up at him with such raw, pained eyes, and for a moment it makes Kyojuro’s heart clench, genuine regret rushing through him.

Has he made you this upset? Is he the reason for your anguish? It makes something heavy and uncomfortable settle into his chest, and it’s that driving force that pushes him to come closer to you, matching your every scoot away from him with a step towards you.

Eventually your back hits the wall and he kneels before you, his face mere inches from your own.

Tell me, my flame, why are you so displeased?

 His question makes you gulp, but before you can stop yourself your mouth is already moving, every repressed thought and emotion you’ve felt the last few weeks you’ve been stuck with him finally coming to light.

Because you’re a monster! You’ve kidnapped me and forced me into being your wife, and you have the audacity to ask me why I’m upset? I can’t stay with you, Kyojuro, not here, not anywhere! We aren’t in love – you’re mistaken, I don’t love you and whatever this is, it’s not love, so don’t tell me you love me! Please, just let me return to my home and family, I beg of you.

You cut yourself off with a small sob, and as your eyes flutter closed for a brief moment, your blood runs cold when they reopen.

You’ve never seen Kyojuro look like this – gone is that familiar grin of his, instead replaced with a harsh, straight, tight lipped expression. His eyes no longer hold any of the warmth and adoration he normally gazes at you with – rather, they seem unbearably cold, the heavy weight of his stare making you shrink in on yourself despite your rather brave speech. And something about his presence feels much larger than you’ve ever experienced it – it’s in this moment that you realize just how defined and huge the muscles he’s sporting across his upper and lower body are, the man before you holding more strength in his pinky finger than you in all of your body.

It’s crushing, the sick, horrible feeling that something is terribly wrong making your every hair stand on end, your breath ragged as you wait for his next move. Kyojuro nods slowly, his expression not changing.

I see.

You bite your lip, anxiety making a pit form in your stomach.

You need to be reminded of what’s important, my flame. You’ve become misguided – but don’t fret, I will help guide you back to the path. This will hurt, but with time you’ll understand my actions and perhaps even thank me for them.

His words have red flags raising immediately in your mind, but before you can really even process your own questions, his hand is shooting out grasping on of yours, fingers pressing against the pad of your index finger and pushing pushing pushing –

There’s a sickening crunch noise that fills your ears, and everything feels numb for a moment before white-hot, acute agony rushes through you, your finger already swelling and throbbing from the broken bone now within it.

Kyojuro watches as you sob harder, your eyes red and puffy as you look at him, your gaze weak and, quite frankly, pitiful. He only takes a deep breath, his Adam’s apple bobbing, before moving to the next finger, a matching crunch sound only making you cry harder.

Eventually, each finger on your left hand is broken, his hands already moving to start on your right. He’s quick about each break, not letting the pain linger any longer than absolutely necessary, but it doesn’t matter.

By the time he finishes with your right thumb, you’re nearly numb from the pain, your tears having run dry as you shake and jerk with every hiccup and sob that wracks your frame. The sight hurts Kyojuro, truly – and he’ll tell you as much.

Shh, oh my flame, don’t cry – I know it hurts terribly, but so does my heart. Do you see now? Do you see that I love you? I’m showing you that our love is real and pure – I will nurse you back to your proper health. I will be your hands when you cannot touch, and I will stay at your bedside every free moment to keep you company and ensure a quick recovery. Do you understand now? This is your home – no one can care for you in the way that I can.

His voice is soft, with a certain condescending lilt to it that only makes you dumbly nod, the pain still rendering you numb to your surroundings. And as Kyojuro carefully picks you up once more, moving you to your shared futon and gently tucking you under the covers, he’ll quickly gather some small sticks and medical gauze, wrapping each finger and cooing at you all the while.

And as he places a kiss onto each finger tip once its wrappings are complete, you’ll find yourself considering his words.

The conviction to individually break each finger of your lover is certainly no joke – perhaps he could be correct? Is this love?

Is the way he'll carefully feed you your meals as your wounds heal a sign of his truly undying feelings for you?

Is the way he bathes you (with wandering hands and stuttered breaths) a sign that he does truly care for you?

Is the way he helps you use the restroom without the use of your own hands a sign that he’ll truly stand by your side through darkness and light?

Your brain screams no, every ounce of your independence fighting the stream of questions, but some part of you finds comfort in the notion, in believing Kyojuro when he says that he loves you.

And as the days pass and your injuries slowly heal, your captor’s constant presence by your side helping to keep you clean, healthy and well fed, you’ll find that part of you growing louder and louder, drowning out your mind.

Because really, does it even matter? Kyojuro Rengoku is a man of dedication and unwavering devotion – and if he wants you to love him, isn’t it only a matter of time before he succeeds?

After all, who are you to stand your ground in the face of someone like him?

OVERALL DANGER:

 6/10

Kyojuro isn’t necessarily dangerous, or at least in the sense of being a threat to your life. He’s clingy and needy and out of touch with reality, of course, but he doesn’t enjoy the notion of hurting you. He’s willing to, if it’s his only choice, but you’ll never need to worry that any hidden sadistic tendencies of his will emerge. He’ll never suddenly develop the desire to see you cry, nor will he suddenly discard you should his feelings dissipate.

Once his infatuation begins, Kyojuro is committed to making sure that you stay healthy, happy, and – most importantly – by his side.

He’s convinced that he’s the one that can make you happy, that he can give you the most perfect, loving future, filled with laughter, kisses, stolen touches and even a few children with bright yellow and red hair running around the estate.

He’s convinced that he can make you happy, that he already does make you happy, and it will be extremely difficult to snap him out of this fantasy he’s created for the two of you.

He’s an influential man with extreme importance, and you’d be extremely hard pressed to find anyone who would even believe you if you were to somehow escape him, if you were to somehow catch on to his nefarious intentions before he’s stolen you away.

It’s the combination of being surrounded by death, and a yearning to be happy and build a loving family that pushes him to pursue you, developing a future with you feeling so fucking important that he simply can’t resist the drive to court you, to wed you, to see your gorgeous smile and the pretty golden ring with flames engraved on it around your finger.

He’s simply a man in love, and if that love means his hands on your body, pulling you closer and closer and closer until you can hardly breath, so be it.

It’s only natural for something as powerful as love to create such a strong devotion, and isn’t it oddly romantic, in a way? To know that someone as powerful, important and revered as Kyojuro is in love with little old you?

Doesn’t it make you feel good to know you have the Flame Pillar wrapped around your finger, that he’d get on his knees for you at just the merest flutter of your lashes?

He’s truly in love, so embrace it with open arms – he sure is, and things will be much, much better for you the sooner you accept the love he’s so frantically delivering to you.

[hyunjins-orange-slice-too]

Regally Smitten

a medieval minsung love story

"Han forced his eyes up to meet the prince's. And for a moment, it was like everything stood still. The birds outside no longer chirped, the rise and fall of their breath no longer came and both the men's hearts, skipped a beat for just a brief moment. And the moment, however brief it may be in reality, felt like an entire summer to Han and Minho. An entire sweltering hot summer where they both thought their bodies may burn up entirely."

A future king and his servant are bound by their forbidden love. With the odds stacked against them, and a jealous brother out for blood, will their love prevail? Or will history repeat itself?

———

Genre: angst, forbidden romance

Total Word Count: ~22.3k

Warnings: homophobia (specifically religious homophobia, this is a period piece so these beliefs are a reflection of the time period being portrayed, and the characters themselves, and do not reflect my personal beliefs. please read with caution and remember to take care of yourself. ily.) descriptions of violence, main character injury (but no main character death), foul language, suggestive themes, brief mentions of anxiety, depression, and panic attacks. one mention of suicidal thoughts (but no action)

Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction and in no way represents any member of stray kids in reality. this is a fanfiction and should be treated as such.

———

Chapters

1: the meeting

2: the secret

3: the sweating sickness

4: the choice

5: the coronation

6: epilogue

——

Authors Note: i have been working on this story for so long. it is my baby and the longest thing i have ever written. i worked so hard on it and i’m incredibly nervous to post it. i hope that you enjoy it and if you do, please consider reblogging, as it helps more than just likes, to push my work out to more people.

©hyunjins-orange-slice-too i do not give permission for this work or any of my work to be translated, copied, or reposted.

[tellmeallaboutit]

Writer's game

I got tagged by @reallyhatethiswebsite thank you <3

I'm tagging @coreene @beesht @littleplasticrat @magthara @dodorimo no pressure

When did you start writing?

Eight or nine. Just a couple of pages, I think, it was a fantasy / sci-fi piece. My mother adored it and got me to the local writing club. They said they are concerned about my mental health.

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

Ha. No, actually. I like horror, I like transgressive fiction, dark fiction, dark fantasy, experimental fiction, sci-fi / cyberpunk, and that's exactly the genres I write in.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

I fancy myself (I am not) a mixture of Irvine Welsh and Clive Barker. Those are the two I could re-read forever. Other notable mentions include Bret Easton Ellis, Anthony Burgess, Laird Barron, Cormac McCarthy... yeah, all men, I know. I think about that a lot. I don't have many reassuring thoughts on this point.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

Ah, just my study. I work there, I write there, I eat there, I live there. It's scandinavian style, white walls, no decorations.

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

I am discipline kind of gal. Sit down and write in total silence. Grind through. Embrace the pain. Pain purifies.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

Sex, violence, power, money, parental abuse, humanity's inability to escape itself, how reality and fantasy intertwine and are they really that far apart, politics, left vs right, class warfare, toxic masculinity, breeding / inheritance / children, sadomasochism (NOT modern BDSM culture, that's something very different), sexual assault, sexual abuse, toxic relationships, gender wars, drugs, addictions, suicide.

They don't surprise me anymore, lol.

What is your reason for writing?

Not enough dark fiction in the world. Never enough. More.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

My favourite one is when the reader shares their own experience, gives me a bit of insight of their own psyche and why they reacted to my words in a certain way. I am very interested in people. I am eager to hear all the life stories.

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

As someone adequate and friendly and approachable. Idk actually how I come across... feel free to tell me.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

Naturalism, keeping tension and plot-building.

How do you feel about your own writing?

Some pieces I re-read many years after, some pieces I consider flops, I have strengths, I have weaknesses, I have moments when I am super insecure and moments when I am super proud. So ambivalent, I guess.

[blueratgrmln]

🌟OPEN DISCUSSION about the 2020's era of shipping culture, Sonadow in the Sonic Fandom, and how well-intended activism can circle back to the language and violence of oppressors 🌟

(Link to chapter PARTS >>>HERE<<<)

INTRO

I gotta get something off my chest in regards to shipping. I wasn't super invested in the shipping part of the Sonic Fandom community when I was growing up. There were a few ships I liked and I enjoyed the fanart people made of those ships. And then I forgot about it for a number of years. Now in adulthood I am getting back into shipping Sonic characters a bit more, because it's fun to look back at the things I liked as a kid and seeing how my opinions have changed since gaining more life experience. Plus I've become much more active on the internet, in Fandom spaces, and more aware of social justice issues during adulthood. So here is a long-ish essay where I gather my thoughts about Sonadow shipping, fandoms, and activism together💙

MIDDLE CHILD EXPERIENCE IN THE SONIC FANDOM

It's odd being a Middle Child of the Sonic Fandom "family" that grew up during the age of "cringe culture" cyberbullying and shipping wars. I was aware of the stereotypes and disdain people had both on and off the internet toward the Sonic Fanbase and the notoriety it had. It influenced me to tone-down my external Sonic geekiness around my peers. While some of the stereotypes had some truth to it (when they weren't used as cyberbullying put-downs), I noticed that there was a very prominent difference how the Sonic Franchise/Fandom was viewed by the pop culture savvy public and how the fandom acted amongst/within itself as a creative and meaning-making community, despite the in-fighting that occasionally happened. On the internet, I oddly didn't experience or witness much discourse about ethics, specifically about shipping, when I was a kid cruising the internet for the fanart I liked. The spaces I visited were usually very supportive of people creating meaning, joy, and comfort with these ships. These shipping spaces loved Sonic × Amy, Shadow × Amy, Knuckles × Rouge, Sonic × Sally, Silver × Blaze and also any ship between Sonic, Shadow, and Silver. While there were specific ships that I enjoyed, I was happy to see other people enjoying other ships and hearing them geek about it. Yes, there was sometimes shipping discourse pitting pairings against each other, but I did not notice intense targeting or harassment in the name of "ethics" to the same degree as I am witnessing nowadays.

THE ETHICAL VS UNETHICAL DEBATES

Fast forward to the 2020's age of the internet and fandom culture. I had no idea what the evolved discussion about "ethical vs unethical" shipping was beyond just "this ship is the best" mentalities until about a year ago. After reading about the various viewpoints, I started out not really caring about the ethics of fictional shipping and not fully caring on which "side" I would fit, even though my views in adulthood realistically lean towards anti-censorship sentiments. However, it's important to note that if I'd discovered this specific "ethical vs unethical" debate when I was younger, I would have leaned pro-censorship, a view directly influenced by the small-town evangelical church indoctrination that kept my mind closed-off from the nuances of sociology, psychology, and humanity. I was the type of person that got emotional and reactionary about the idea of people being sex workers, about the idea of kink and BDSM being a normal thing between consenting adults, and about other socially charged topics. Then as I learned from other people's experiences and researched those topics, my mindset changed to be more supportive and more aware of all the nuances that go beyond black vs white thinking. I learned to not demonize people and instead find out the reasons WHY something happens or WHY people do something, and actually LISTEN to the person and BELIEVE them when they give their answer. Similar mindset changes have happened in adulthood since I've done research about both the generational divides and social justice intersectionality of this cultural shift in today's internet Fandom spaces. I am noticing this divide and these debates happening more and more in the Sonic Fandom.

SONADOW IN THE 2020'S

For some context, when I was a kid moderately involved with shipping content, I did not ship Sonic × Shadow. I somewhat avoided anything to do with gay ships or gay content due to my small-town church upbringing teaching me to not support anything LGBTQ+. So now as an adult having interest in shipping again, having discarded homophobia, embracing my own queerness, and having new understandings of the Sonic characters' personalities/backstories/dynamics, I am opening myself up to considering ships I hadn't been interested in before and ships that I actively avoided due to internalized homophobia. Watching Sonic Prime and the wonderful joy it sparked across the Fandom (in both shippers and non-shippers alike) was the marker when I finally started enjoying the Sonadow ship. It was after reading people's interpretations of Sonic and Shadow and understanding the ship more when I realized why Sonadow is such a beloved and timeless ship. In response to the new wave of Sonadow popularity, it's getting lots of heated criticism. People are having arguments everyday about both Shadow and Sonic's true ages, whether Shadow is 15 or 18 or 50, whether it makes any difference that SEGA quietly removed the characters' official ages. The debate creates these polarized "sides", with some people on one side claiming that it's an inherently unethical ship and claiming that you are a bad person, or at least suspicious in some way, for supporting it.

REPRESENTATION & QUEER JOY

One prominent feeling I have about the common criticisms toward Sonadow and about other shipping discourse is feeling alarmed that a lot of Queer people end up getting harassed because of these debates, sometimes by fellow Queer people. From my Middle Child perspective in the Sonic Fandom, the reasons WHY many people embraced LGBTQ+ Sonic ships was to create and celebrate representation in a franchise that doesn't outright confirm or have much on-screen representation. Even though Sega has a general "no official confirmed couples" mandate, the company has consistently supported and encouraged the fans' shipping headcanons including LGBTQ+ ships, and the company has showed real, tangible, and financial support for the LGBTQ+ community (to my knowledge). Tangle and Whisper in the IDW comics are written with specific chemistry that leads most people to view them as a lesbian couple with the writers' and company's encouragement, even if they're not verbally stated as "officially canon." Sonic × Shadow, although not canon, has been a noteworthy ship acknowledged by the writers, company, and voice actors as being one of the most beloved and celebrated gay Sonic ships. It has given Queer people a sense of joy, hope, comfort, and visibility ever since 2001 when Sonic Adventure 2 released and Shadow debuted as a character. The reasons people immediately shipped these characters together was never about being creepy or encouraging "unethical" dynamics. It was simply Queer Sonic fans, both closeted and uncloseted, creating meaning via representation as an act of queer resistance and radical acceptance. This has been a constant throughout the present day, Sonadow being one of the most recognizable and longstanding ships that inspires widespread Queer Joy that even breaks the boundaries of the internet microcosm.

LANGUAGE AND VIOLENCE OF OPPRESSORS

Now is where I will delve into the connection between Sonadow shipping (and overall shipping) debates and how well-intentioned activism loops back into mimicking oppressors. Thinking about how Sonadow is historically important to the Sonic Franchise, the Sonic Fandom, LGBTQ+ Sonic Fans, and maybe even video game history as a whole, I feel major discomfort and even dread when I see so many people (particularly those that are young) throwing around very serious accusations at (fellow) Sonic Fans and (fellow) Sonic shippers. Accusations supporting pedophilia or pedophilia itself is one of the most egregious. I've seen it thrown at Sonadow shippers, Vector x Espio shippers because Vector is 20 and Espio is 16 (despite it being another extremely popular LGBTQ+ headcanon-ed ship due to lack of representation), and even Knuckles x Rouge because Rouge is 18 and Knuckles is 16. It strikes me as counterintuitive and unnecessary at least, and actively dangerous at most/worst, seeing fellow Queer people utilizing the morality-policing, fear tactics, surveillance methods, censorship mindset, and rhetoric/language of our oppressors and using those things against the people in their own communities. Realizing that long-time Sonadow fans who felt inspired to come out and be unapologetically Queer because of that specific ship have been facing harassment and slander from fellow Queer people (who are likely younger than them), getting called "pedos" or "dangerous" or "suspicious" or "unethical" over the mere act of creating representation and Queer Joy with fictional characters and seeking some sense of comfort while surviving homophobic environments...bluntly, my stomach is churned and my blood is boiled. The last thing we need in this rapidly backwards-turning world is more in-fighting within the broader LGBTQ+ community that distracts our thoughts, emotions, time, energy, organizing, education, community-building, and activism away from the oppressors who are causing us real-world tangible harm, suffering, and death.

A random teenager on the internet drawing fanart of Sonic and Shadow holding hands, or even random adults on the internet drawing suggestive art or outright porn of these characters, is NOT going to be the catalyst that rapidly or gradually normalizes pedophilia or inspires worldwide support for unethical relationships. And yes, this includes content about the "weirdo/unethical/dark" ships that are found in the shadowy fringes of the internet and Fandom spaces. I am uncomfortable with a lot of it myself. But those ships and the people that engage with them ALSO DO NOT have the same level of impact and reach (key words: Same Level) that real life oppressive systems have to cause widespread suffering. The key difference that makes widespread abuse possible is that the real life oppressive systems are disguised as wholesome safe environments that develop trust and closeness with community members. Those oppressive systems and the harmful people that support them are usually NOT on the freaky/dark/weird fringes of society, they don't outwardly appear that way, and they demonize the "degenerates", not associate with any such label. The Catholic church institution is a big example, the institution covering up uncountable cases of their clergy members abusing minors while those clergy members are positioned as a pure, trusted facet of society that people actively look to for guidance, safety, and belonging.

At NO point am I ever going to say that everyone online is perfectly pure and that we should ignore everyone's behavior online. When we do encounter legitimate creeps causing harm to real people (not watered-down definitions of what being a creep means) we absolutely need to call them out and keep each other safe. HOWEVER, by pitting fellow Sonic Fans, fellow Queer people, fellow shippers against each other with this blanket "us vs them" mentality that overshadows the real life patterns and signs of how widespread oppression and real life harm happens, we end up accomplishing a lot of what our oppressors want anyway: divisions, distractions, and outright mimicking the violent language and behaviors that they display toward us at ourselves. This is the point where well-intentioned activism goes wrong and circles back around to oppression without meaning to.

Many people are super-duper-sure that they have dismantled all of their -isms and -phobias and now identify with labels and movements that are on the right side of history. But all of us STILL need to be aware of the fact that our thought patterns, behaviors, logic, and emotional responses can be tied to previously held beliefs and mindsets, and they can sometimes carry over and linger in our minds even after significant "character development". This is true even if we don't immediately realize it and think that we are a "safe person" within our own marginalized communities and for other marginalized communities. It can be really hard to identify if/when that is happening sometimes, but it is pertinent that we are actively checking in with ourselves, listening to constructive criticism, and cross-analyzing whether we are unintentionally mimicking the language, behaviors, and violence of our oppressors, and what effects that can have on the people in our shared communities and the people we care about.

ADDITIONAL: MY PERSONAL OPINIONS AND LOGIC ABOUT SHADOW'S AGE

Most of the fandom will continue arguing about Shadow's "true age" for the rest of time and how that "should" influence people's shipping headcanons. In my opinion, it is a very unnecessary thing to argue about simply because of the uniqueness and the fantastical nature of Shadow's existence within the Sonic Universe. Very specifically, he is a test tube science project super soldier who is immortal with an unclarified "birth date."

It's most likely that Professor Gerald Robotnik started the process of creating Shadow AFTER Maria was born and they discovered her incurable disease; Project Shadow could have taken a significant amount of time to complete considering all of the scientific processes, research, and intergalactic communication needed. It is also important to remember that Maria died when she was only 12 years old. If we are just talking about the amount of time that Shadow was physically and mentally conscious, communicating, and learning (excluding the 50 years he spent in cryo-stasis), this would mean that Shadow's age could be anything up to Maria's exact age at her time of death. Realistically his youngest possible age would be much greater than 1 day, since it probably took a noteworthy amount of time for Shadow and Maria to develop their trusting best friend and/or sibling bond.

Otherwise, in the less likely scenario, Professor Gerald could've had foresight and somehow gotten confirmation about Maria's condition before she was born with the scientifically and medically advanced technology aboard the Space Colony ARK, and then completed Project Shadow before she was born. But in EITHER possible chronology, Shadow could be around the same age or a handful of years younger than 15 (one of the possible ages in this debate), if we are to consider his game manual or Wiki-page biographies for his true age. This could put the Sonadow ship in the same boat of age-gap and maturity-difference criticism that the Sonic x Amy ship gets because Sonic is 15 and Amy is 12.

Even though Shadow is one of the most complex characters within the broad Sonic Lore, at the same time he's one of the most mysterious characters, especially since we don't have any official content that shows the complete scientific/medical/technological details of his creation process from start to finish. Everyone has a different opinion whether the game manual and Wiki-page age(s) indicates Shadow's number of conscious years lived, his current physical age, or both. People also debate whether his current physical age matters in terms of shipping ethics. Considering that Shadow is an immortal science experiment with the DNA/blood of an alien species and he could have grown up in a test tube, I like to think that any of the "teen" ages used in this debate could simply describe what his physical vessel looks like (compared to 100% Mobian hedgehogs) at the point Project Shadow was deemed successfully completed. It's possible that his early development deviated from that of a human baby, a Mobian hedgehog baby, and a normal hedgehog baby. Maybe he grew generally faster or went through the same developmental stages of his Black Arms alien siblings. Deciphering what it would mean for Shadow to become "fully mature", or even what "age" in general means for him, would require solving the complex puzzle of his circumstances: the science of genetic engineering that splices Black Arms DNA with Mobian hedgehog DNA to design a being that is artificial and specifically exceptional in every way. We DO know that Shadow's Black Arms DNA gives his mind and body a connection to the species' Hive Mind (which is explored in the Archie comic books) and that Black Doom's DNA was one of the necessary ingredients to give Shadow immortality and disease immunity. But that's the extent of what we know about Shadow's Black Arms biology, its overall effects, its benefits, and its downsides. In addition to this, the "immortal artificial super soldier with alien DNA" context brings up questions regarding Shadow's mental processes, intelligence, and learning capabilities. He could have gone through rapid psychological development, or can learn and gain skills at an enhanced rate, have increased intelligence, or have alien mental capacities beyond his connection to the Black Arms' Hive Mind.

The limitless SCOPE of possibilities for Shadow's physical and mental reality is why I completely avoid any attempts at shoving this complex character into the same quantifiable boxes of human OR Mobian OR normal hedgehog maturity, development, intelligence, socialization, emotions, learning, and age. Which is why I do not judge people for their shipping preferences and don't assume the worst of the people that ship him with other characters. An integral part of the tragedy and isolation of Shadow the Hedgehog as a character surrounds him being the Ultimate Lifeform, a being that is so unique, advanced, artificial, medicalized, scientific, revolutionary, mystical and powerful that he cannot relate to most of the other Sonic characters and vice versa. TRYING to force Shadow to be 100% understandable, relatable, and quantifiable both by our real-life human standards and by the standards of the other Sonic characters can diminish his uniqueness and essence, and it hinders the broad Sonic Fandom from creatively exploring the magnitude of possibilities (both shipping and non-shipping) that his mysteriousness inspires.

(Thank you for reading and sticking with my train of thought! :) I expect constructive conversation in the comments if any are made at all, whether it's criticism or agreement.)

[world-of-warhammer]

Alright. Onward we go to the themes and elements I enjoy about Greenskins, what I feel could be done better, headcanons, and such.

Perfect faction in all settings 0 notes....

Only joking.

Honestly, the hardest part about writing this particular series of posts on what I like and dislike or how I'd prefer things be written is difficult for me.

On the one hand, the Orks live for violence tropes and Orcs aren't super bright tropes wear on me. Anyone and everyone in real life has a unique set of experiences and skills. Seeing any fictional species of sapient reduced to something as simple as "All Orcs do X" oftentimes grates on me a little because of that.

I feel Skarsnik is a good example of how they can (within their setting and the rules they have established as GW) write or make an interesting and smart Greenskin work. The thing that bugs me, is that they need to write these *specifically* as *the* exception.

Now I'm not saying to make every Goblin, Orc or Ork an engineer or physicist; I'm just frustrated that there's very little that lends itself to a diverse set of experiences that matches the tapestry of real life.

Similarly, the retcon to Warhammer Fantasy to make Greenskins fungi as they are in 40k was neat and a cool nod to the uniqueness they have created in their Orks. I do however wish this meant they matched fungi a bit closer and could have more fungible accessories, buildings, weapons, etc.

It'd also be nice to have girl Orc/ks and Goblins. Let us have a diverse array of fungi based reproduction. Some fungi reproduce asexually and some don't; so the line about them all being male-coded as a result of "kultur" makes some sense, but for there to be no other distinction or cultural variance is frustrating. (I'll spare everyone my rant on this for now, but we will touch on elements of this again with Ogres, Skaven, and Lizardmen)

As far as thematic elements I enjoy, the brutal metal in their equipment, the basic love of violence, the lack of understanding (or even trying to understand) how or why other people's do things differently, the latent psychic phenomenon (or belief magic in fantasy), and the Waaaagh are elements I enjoy greatly. Orcs getting larger as a result and preparatory measure for rebellion, the infighting, and the might-makes-right are interesting to explore and would make for neat things to do in and around the Greenskins.

I feel like looking at Orcs from just about any other longstanding fantasy setting informs a lot about what I'd like to see from them in Warhammer overall. Warcraft, LotR, and wherever else you find brutal fighty Ork and Gobbo peoples. I just also want more variety and for them to be less of a monolithic culture.

[the-haunted-office]

⭐ Stuff I am NOT comfortable with roleplaying

Let me preface this by stating that I do understand the separation of fiction and reality. I understand that fiction is a place where people may safely explore themes that wouldn’t be okay to do in real life and that it does not reflect who you are as a person. However, the below subjects are personal icks for me, so I’d like to avoid roleplaying them. You may roleplay them on your blog and I have no issue with seeing it on my dash. That is all fine. It’s just that I personally am not interested in roleplaying these topics with my muses (except whether otherwise noted and with extensive discussion and consent), and I appreciate your mutual respect in this matter. Thank you!

Group Roleplays

I do not feel comfortable with participating in group roleplays - this includes both discord servers and group dash events, or any other kind of group roleplay. It messes with my anxiety big time, and so for my own personal comfort, I have chosen to abstain from these kinds of situations.

This means that if you are posting anything related to these events, and it's a tagged event, I will not see your posts, including your art, drabbles, nothing. I will not see any of it because I will have the tags blocked. I promise this is nothing personal against you, the group organizer, or the event itself - it is purely to protect my own mental health, as these events can fill my dash otherwise, and I'd rather not see them.

If you have created something and you'd like to share it with me, that's fine - you are welcome to share it with me directly in DM. I'd like that. It's just that I am not comfortable with participating in the events themselves or seeing it all over my dash.

If you'd like to talk about this in private, you may do so. My DMs are open.

Smut

I am not really into rping smutty stuff. Suggestive or risque humor, implying things, flirting, mentioning it, saying it happened, asking questions about my muses’ sex lives (like in inbox ask meme games), and suchlike is all fine. I don’t mind other people rping smut and following those who do or seeing it on my dash; I am just uncomfortable rping it myself. If in any case an rp starts going in that direction, I’ll have it fade to black or skip ahead.

Excessive violence towards children

It’s okay if it’s part of a muse’s past, and in threads I am also okay with some angst and general childhood things like skinned knees and the like. But I am not comfortable rping actual threads where there is excessive harm being done towards children. Also, it should go without saying, but anything of the pedophilic nature will be absolutely, 100% not tolerated and will result in an instant block if it’s even suggested.

Abusive relationships

Enemies to lovers type relationships don't fall under this category to me - it is specifically when one partner is harming the other with no healing or remorse in sight. It’s when the party/ies are enjoying hurting one another and the other clearly isn’t enjoying it is when it becomes abuse to me and when it makes me uncomfortable. Again, you do you, I have nothing against that, we’re all good, it’s just something I’m not interested in rping myself.

Age gaps in romantic/sexual relationships…

...with THIS very specific scenario: If one of the muses in the relationship is 18-23 years of age, while the other is 30+. It is a personal ick of mine. I have nothing against other people roleplaying ships with this type of age gap and I am okay with following and being mutuals with those who do - it’s just that I am personally uncomfortable with roleplaying my muses being in a relationship with this kind of age gap. And obviously, anything involving minors is an automatic NO.

Any questions, let me know.

My muses being used as NPCs without my consent.

Basically, don’t use my muses in threads without my permission. I also don’t want my muses to be used to facilitate the growth and development of yours without being asked first, especially if it involves inflicting trauma on my muse.

PLEASE NOTE: It is a trigger of mine and therefore I will have to politely state now that I cannot tolerate intentionally disingenuous friendships or relationships of any kind, unless they are discussed with me first.

What I mean by this is your muse intentionally using my muse���s feelings against them and manipulating them because they have feelings for your muse, be they romantic feelings, friendship feelings, familial feelings, any sort of positive feelings. 

I will also not tolerate you, the Mun, using my muse’s feelings towards your muse in this way either without discussing it with me first. Bluntly put, I have had several roleplayers use my muses to develop their muses, abuse them, and then drop all interactions with me afterwards and tell me “nobody owes you anything” while leaving my muses with all the trauma their muses caused them.

This is unacceptable, abusive roleplayer behavior and I will not tolerate it. I will attempt to discuss it politely with you, but any of this “nobody owes you anything” rhetoric will result in a block from me. This is not only for the sake of my own mental health, but again, I consider this kind of behavior entitled and unacceptable in the community and I will not tolerate it.

The key is discussing this kind of dynamic with me first. That is all I ask. I may be open to it for a whole, well-rounded plot. But I do not want people thinking it is their right to traumatize or hurt my muses without my consent. Some character dynamics and plots where one is using and manipulating the other are interesting and I honestly wouldn’t mind roleplaying these - all I ask is that you ask me first, and not try to deal it under the table as I described above. That’s all there is to it.

If you have any questions about this or need further clarification, please don’t hesitate to come talk to me about it. I’d rather us talk about it to clear up any confusion than not talk about it. Thank you.

[liminalpebble]

(Here's the first chapter. More are being uploaded to the Archive of Our Own link, but it might take me a bit to post them here as well. Enjoy, I hope!)

The Refugee

Masterlist link

Summary:

In a timeline where Loki, the prodigal prince of Asgard, struck out to establish his vast and powerful Laufeyson Empire, he stumbles upon Lenora, a refugee scarred by his bloodshed. One of the few surviving Morhari, she is captured and forced to use her considerable intelligence in service to the fearful warlord who destroyed her nation and her life. Will the peasant turned captive asset find her way to freedom and her own power, and will the cruel and scheming god of mischief discover that he can be more than a villain?

Notes:

Hello all 3's of you who are probably reading this. : ) This is my first fanfic and I'm incredibly nervous to post it, so please be polite and constructive in your critiques. I have many chapters already finished (or mostly finished, bar some perfectionistic tweaking and polishing) so I plan to post regularly if this goes over well. Also, be aware that I am playing very fast and loose with a lot of aspects of the original material and canon for the sake of the story, so please take it with a grain of salt, for example the Morhari are obviously a fictional nationality.

P.S. I mention sex work and sex workers but I intend to do so with respect and positivity towards their profession. I have tried to avoid any problematic words or descriptions, but please let me know if any exist and I will do my best to fix it.

On who I would cast for the major roles: Loki is obviously the Hiddleston Loki of the MCU. Magnus (original character) is very specifically Domhnall Gleeson in my mind. I imagine Queen Nadia (original character) as Lashana Lynch. Have yet to settle on casting for Lenora herself or Beatrice (OC).

CW: Non/dubious consent. slow burn to eventual smut. violence and torture. Loki is very unambiguously bad, morally complex but bad, and does bad things.

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Chapter 1

Lenora (Lea to her friends, or those struggling to pronounce her name) blinked groggily as the sun peaked through her curtains, bathing her simple but tidy quarters in the light of another cold autumn morning. As she shivered into her layers of blankets, she wondered if her body would ever adjust itself to the biting cold of this land. She sat up in bed, (unwilling to relinquish her duvet just yet) to brush and pull her long dark hair into a practical braid down her back. Finally, sighing at the inevitable chill, she got up, washed, and dressed herself quickly. She tugged the final layer (a rough gray bar apron) swiftly around her hips, and stuffed a few books into the deep pockets. Hearing movement downstairs at the tavern she pattered down the steps to start her shift.

“Good morning, Lea my Love!” called Madame Beatrice from where she was still setting out the chairs and restocking the ale behind the counter.

“Morning, Miss Beatrice!” she said with a smile, sliding deftly behind the bar to help with the barrels as Bea struggled, wincing slightly.

“Is it your back again?”

“Yes child, I'm not as limber as I used to be.”

“Ah come on! You talk as if you're ancient. ”

“Darling...hard work ages a woman.” she sighed.

Lea nodded knowingly. This place couldn't be easy to keep up. Beatrice's Boarding House was the one stop for hospitality in a snowy village on the outskirts of the kingdom. Bea had to anticipate every need of the weary traveler, providing food, drink, lodging, and entertainment. Most importantly to Bea herself, she was responsible to pay, protect, and care for the many ladies here as they worked the oldest profession. Beatrice was a madame, yes, but she treated all of her employed women with dignity, and the ladies were grateful for this unusually beneficial arrangement. Lea respected this about Beatrice and felt silent gratitude for her yet again as she gazed at her calloused hands.

Still groggy, Lea settled in behind the bar, fishing out the books from her apron to make a small pile in the back corner, away from the guests. Mornings were slow except for some sad regulars and their liquid breakfasts, or the odd traveler in need of lodging and a morning meal, so Lea took the opportunity to indulge her curiosity and addiction to books.

Lost in the pages, she jumped as sharp series of knocks hit the polished wooden counter. Her big dark eyes flicked up, round cheeks blushing in embarrassment at her distraction from her work. Before her was a tall, regal looking man, with large expressive eyes the pale aquamarine of sea glass and a head full of thick blond curls. She fumbled a little sliding her book face-down on the bar to save her place and quickly asked, “Y..Yes sir, my apologies. How might I help you?”, small plump lips lifting into a kind, if awkward, smile.

His angular face looked startlingly serious for a beat, but then he broke into the widest, brightest smile she had ever seen. It made her exhale with relief.

His deep voice spoke crisply in a High Asgardian accent. She thought to herself that he must be some kind of nobility. Then what was he doing in a humble place like this? On the edge of the world?

“Good day, Miss...” he extended a hand and a quizzical look toward her as he paused to learn her name.

“Lenora...ah...Lea if you like,” she stammered, reaching her hand out in what she assumed would be a handshake of greeting (something Bea assured her is the usual greeting in Asgardian culture). She was surprised however when the stranger, took her hand gently by the fingertips and kissed her knuckles with a tiny bow of his head.

“Pleasure to meet you, Lenora,” he said with another blinding smile. “I would like... What book is that you're reading?”

“Ah my apologies, sir. I shouldn't be leaving them on the bar.”

He raised his eyebrows. “That doesn't answer my question.”

“Right...it's called Hamlet...a Midgardian play...it's about a...”

“Yes I'm quite familiar with it, however, not many are. So tell me...” He paused to lean down on the bar and make eye contact with her. “What is a barmaid, at a tavern in the middle of nowhere, doing with a book like that...and those?” he added, eyes traveling to the little tower of books on the far counter behind her, in several languages on a variety of topics.

“ Well,” she said looking down a bit shyly, “I'm afraid that's a rather long story Mr....I'm sorry, what did you say your name was?”

He chuckled with genuine amusement. “I didn't,” he said with a single wink.

Just as she was about to melt into the floor from embarrassment, Madame Bea came to the rescue in perfect time. She had a smile and a look of recognition in her eyes as she turned to greet the stranger. He gave Beatrice the same greeting, kissing her hand and nodding.

“Well, hello again,” she said to him wearing her most courteous but oddly conciliatory expression. She turned to Lea and said “Lea, be a dear and let us chat will you? There are some gentlemen up front who seem a bit thirsty so let's see to them, eh?”.

Lea gave her a tiny, curious twitch, before remembering that Beatrice was a woman of many dealings and secrets and this was probably yet another. “Yes ma'am, of course. And pleased to meet you, sir” she said with a little polite nod and a scurry of escape.

Bea and the stranger both leaned against the bar looking out across the tavern as Lea's small form glided between tables. Bea turned her head with a knowing smirk and a sigh towards the stranger. “What is it now, Loki?”

@lokisprettygirl

[henrike-does-writing-sometimes]

The Realm of Mirrors Trilogy, In which a group of childhood friends discover the dark secrets hiding within the wall of the old castle in their hometown. Secrets which they’re more involved in than what they ever could’ve imagined.

Current Stage - Slowly but surely working through the first draft Genre - Low fantasy  Setting - The fictional city of Grimmvik, located on the west coast of Sweden Books - A shattered heirloom | A reflection of malice | A youthful demise

Synopsis - The old is swarmed in mysteries. Some are meant to be found, some to be forgotten. And some we wish would’ve stayed hidden. 

Returning back to his hometown Emil is finally reunited with his childhood friends, and although they never lost contact it feels incredible to be back together. With no limit on their time, meaning their new adventures are about to be spectacular. Although not even their wildest child-like imagination could’ve predicted what was about to come.

Grimmvik’s castle, now a beating heart of history and the arts, seems to be infested with ghosts and strange mirrors that act on their own. Strange things only they seem to be able to see are just a handful of the many unexplainable things that have started to happen. 

The answers are found within the castle itself, revealing the dark past of its prime and the horrors lurking within its dungeons. A shrine for an old mirror rests deep below their feet, whispering for them to come; once again calling for a dreaded history to repeat itself. 

Main Characters -

Emil Nimuel-Noreen: Adventure seeker and fun lover, not the brightest but he does his best. His head is up in the clouds more often than not. He has an easy time making friends and works very well in social situations. Longs to be and do something great and to change the world for the better. Might have gotten more than he bargained for. 

Tess Lundell: The seemingly most responsible in the group, though she doesn’t mind breaking a few rules now and again. She loves the arts, painting and poetry to be specific, and can often be found far away in daydreams. She has an easy time finding beauty in mundane things and can spend hours being lost in oil paintings and shiny rocks.

Ida Brolin: Intelligent but reckless, does dumb things for the fun of it. Or because she’s simply curious, something she’s mainly driven by. Although she maintains a professional and calm demeanor most of the time, she has a wild and chaotic imagination and is not one to keep her crazy ideas to herself. Nor does she fear testing her many theories. 

Astrid Ryu: Smug bastard but also baby. Is a major tease and actively encourages their friends’ dumbassery, they’re also the cause most of the time. They adore the unexplainable and unsolved mysteries, a firm believer in Mothman and cryptids of the like. Tends to throw away logic to have fun with “fake” sightings. Isn’t one to get aggressive but will cut a bitch if they have to. 

Jake Castner: The unofficial leader of the group and professional himbo. While not too comfortable taking the lead he falls into the role naturally being the most observant of the group. He’s most in his element when he’s designing and building, something he’s been doing for most of his life. Whether miniature figurines or lego sets of all kinds. 

Tindra Hellberg: Huge literature nerd, likes to dissect different works to find hidden meanings and symbolism. Which she has an easy time with, given her tendency to connect things that might not even be connected. She may not believe in them, but she really enjoys conspiracy theories and will often ramble about the possibilities of them being true.  

Themes - Dark Academia | Morality | Sacrifice | Death | Repeating cycles | Rituals | Tragedy | Bittersweet end | Humanity | Loss of innocence

Main Theme - Shatter me : Lindsey Stirling

Warnings - Violence | Death | Death of one (1) animal | Body horror | Gore | Abuse | More May Be Added

What I Got To Offer ? ANGST, diverse cast (LGBTQ+, ethnicity, etc.), friends sharing a brain cell, healthy relationships both romantic and platonic, mirror based magic system, fucked up and morally questionable mentors

Tags - wip : Realm of Mirrors | RoM Playlist

: Taglist - @waysofink​​ @metanoiamorii @fiercely-raging-writer @zonnemaagd @writing-is-a-martial-art @writing-with-l @chazzawrites @vacantgodling :

Let me know if you want to be added !

[algolstare]

i think it's really funny how the conversations about "dark" stories (not even touching on how stupid it is to again dress it all up in euphemisms) on here loop around the dumbest most surface-level ideas. like, something i see very often is a defense against thinking about how we engage with and are engaged with by stories - something something "im not influenced by stories, i didnt become a murderer because i enjoyed a story about a murderer!"

this is really overly simplistic. for one thing, there are much more subtle forms of violence that are reproduced in story (but not only in fiction, although it is the focus here - hardly any of these harms can be reduced down to their fictional reflections, and narrowing your focus only to those is not helpful), ones that are much less obvious and much more difficult to pin down unless you take the time to think about them or have personal experience with the more obvious violences brought on by them - take, for example, the way rape culture is further woven and expressed through story. sure, a "dark" story may not actively be advocating for more rape in the world, and reading a story doesn't make you responsible for or mimicking the most obvious actions of characters within it. but these are not the only harmful ends of such things! what does it say (even, and especially, indirectly) about victims? about the nature of victimization? why is the victimized character the way they are? what does it have to say about the nature of sexual violence? about the cause of sexual violence? does it focus on the feelings and sexual desires of the perpetrator, rather than for example beliefs about what they have the right to do to others based on their internal experiences? how do you think of sexual violence, do you narrow in on the "sexual" without being able to see the "violence" - what do you believe violence to be? is it always obvious, always physical, does it require direct contact? what is the purpose of this element in the story? is there a larger reason why it might be being used for this purpose, what might have contributed to this view on the nature of sexual violence? there are a lot more questions to be asked, this is only a teensy tiny starting point for more closely examining the ways rape culture is expressed through a story.

not every story that betrays the harmful beliefs of an author (who is themself influenced by larger harmful social/cultural trends of specific times + places) is told with the purpose of reproducing the obvious or subtle violences the beliefs that influenced its telling contribute to. a story about a murderer is probably not telling you to go become a murderer - no stickers on your paper for noticing that, though. but purpose and intent are not even the beginning of the ways stories shape humanity, humans shape stories, back and forth constantly.

even if a story IS told with the intent of reproducing the most obvious violent ends of the underlying beliefs, take for example any garden-variety propaganda, it doesn't guarantee it will have the intended effect. but refusing to examine it is not doing you any favors. that isn't even touching on what it means to actively participate in the telling of such a story!

every story ever told has influential power, and the potential to reproduce such harms - this doesn't mean every story HAS to be told with the intention of undoing such harms or teaching lessons, but it DOES mean that it is important to think critically rather than mindlessly "consume". the "consuming" of stories is not by itself enough to make you do harm, but i promise you, being unwilling to confront the possibility of harmful beliefs within you and the larger culture surrounding you reinforced by story is not doing anything to make you less capable of harm, whether you intend to do any or not.

there is no singular purpose of storytelling, nor will there ever be, nor does there have to be. this idea of "purpose" is itself boring and simplified, but even when you tell a story without any purpose or effect upon the world in mind - it still will have one.

confronting these effects is not all about dealing with the fictional reflections of real-world harms, rooting out all depictions of violence or things that may be interpreted to be supportive of harm or things that could somehow someway be maliciously co-opted for the furthering of violence.

when you hone in on the fiction, on that the story is not real, or not true, you lose sight of the reality - stories being told is a real act. telling a story with harmful elements in it may not itself be harmful in every case, or in every real setting, but there is human truth in every single story.

rather than getting up in arms when you're told you have the capacity to do harm with or without meaning to, consider that confronting this gives you the opportunity to grow as a person and have more power to leave the effects you want to have on the world, rather than replicating the same harms without having even realized. it's not about the "purity" of you or of your thoughts or of stories, and people pointing out the harm done by you and your actions and the stories you tell or consume aren't obligated to make sure you're never made to feel uncomfortable or guilty or ashamed. rather than making it out to be a nebulous intangible imaginary-harm, you have the option of accepting that it could well be a real, tangible harm, and then maybe even have the power to stop it. your intentions don't matter when it comes to your capability of doing harm, because whether you intend to or not, every single person is capable. do you see how this is reflected back upon the nature of stories? on the complex relationship between intention and effect?

deriving pleasure and enjoyment from something is not justification for reproducing harm, nor is a lack of understanding (especially refusal to understand) for why and how one is doing harm any shield against responsibility for one's own actions. if you honestly think that "it makes me feel good, so i have the right to do it" is enough of a reason to thoughtlessly partake in actions which others are outright saying to be harmful without even examining more closely the effects of your actions, you've been more influenced by those so-called "dark" stories than you think!

[piermanwalter]

Top 5 comics

5. Dope Rider

As well as the legitimate danger of syndicating its subject matter at the time it was made, I appreciate the design ethos of every panel being a possible cool tattoo. Blaze on, Dope Rider. You died to create a world you weren't meant to enjoy, but you enjoyed it regardless.

4. Asterix

Deciphering hyperspecific internecine European satire gives the series a sense of archaeology that meshes with its ancient setting. I rank it higher than Tintin for its greater density of stupid puns, food description, and grotesque violence.

3. Batman: Court of Owls

It's easy to fall back on Batman's amazing and extensive rogue gallery. Court of Owls introduces a new set of villains I can imagine still being iconic in the future. I also appreciate it having a counterargument to the eternal, "Why doesn't Bruce Wayne improve the city as a billionaire instead of beating up poor people in a bat costume?"

2. Blame!

I am usually resigned to physical surroundings and objects being placeholders and afterthoughts compared to character interactions in fiction, but the artist's background in architecture gives buildings more power and presence than the actual characters. Blame!'s straightforward unchanging premise would be completely ineffective without it.

Deteriorating black and white pulp The Journey to the West books from like the 1970s I had as a kid whose artists' names I forgot

The slubby fraying fabric binding feels as though the book itself is as old as the story it contains. Text down the sides, stray black lines escaping the square frame on each page when the printing block misaligns. The specific book, although it had those perfect ink lines I still unconsciously emulate, is less important than the unfathomably famous story, whose derivations are themselves some of the most famous stories in the world. It's about Heaven being strangled by even more bureaucracy, nepotism, and corruption than Earth, breaking into a pharmacy and eating all the drugs to illegally become Turbo Immortal, and forgiving people who are willing to improve even if they are total losers, including yourself.

[review-time-babe]

Lockwood and Co. The Screaming Staircase; An Honest Review.

Mild spoilers present.

Jonathan Stroud. Lockwood and Co. The Screaming Staircase.

Let me preface this with this book is an incredibly fun read. If you’ve watched the Netflix series and are looking for a more in depth picture of the world of Lockwood and Co. I cannot recommend this book enough. Personally, I think I would have enjoyed the book more if I hadn’t watched the series first, but it was still quite a good read even after knowing the overall plot. The world building in this book is fantastic, and the desire to understand more about the world of Lockwood and Co. and figure out what exactly caused ‘The Problem’ in the first place pulls you through the book at a fast, yet steady pace. Jonthan Stroud had a clear idea in mind for this novel and he relays that world to the reader in an incredibly precise way. The world building is both clear and intricate, and works well to support the plot. That being said, there are some discrepancies in the quality of writing between the book and the series.

The first issue I had with this book is that Stroud doesn’t trust his reader to create a picture in their mind. Everything is painstakingly detailed. Don’t get me wrong, Stroud is very good at setting a scene; his writing gives a feel of depth and realism to a book that's firmly set in the realm of the fantastic; there's just too much of it. His in-depth account is delightful for world building, but horrifically dreary in terms of table setting. There were several moments that Stroud gave a beautiful piece of imagery that told me exactly how he was envisioning the scene, almost like he was projecting the image directly into my head, but then he would go on about the same item or person for five more lines. It gets boring fast.

Something else I noted is that even in its infancy the attempt to set up a romance between Lucy and Lockwood is kind of awkward, it’s only a few lines here and there but it’s very much not subtle. That being said, I’m all for it. I understand why Stroud has chosen to add this and I think it makes sense for the genre (teen fiction). I also think making Lucy the protagonist was an excellent move as her gender gives her unspoken motive to connect with Annie Ward; due to her (Annie) being a victim of male violence. The only issue I find with having Lucy as the protagonist is that there’s a moment towards the end of the book where Lucy is dismissed as a threat because she’s a girl, and in her head she has a feminist call-out moment of ‘oh wow they think I’m weak/a coward because I’m a girl’, but like a few pages out it’s implied that her ‘Talent’ is more sensitive because she’s a girl. And it’s just like ,, pick a side Stroud? Either you’re having a feminist moment where women are just as strong as men or you’re claiming Lucy’s Talent is sensitive because she’s an emotional woman. Like jeez.

This leads to another gripe I had with the book. Lockwood is very clearly a character we are supposed to admire and look up to, and that’s okay in itself, but he figures out the whole antagonist's plot at the end of the book even though Lucy is the protagonist? The last chapter or two is very much like reading the diary of a sidekick because of this. 

A warning about this book; do not read it if you are fat, are sensitive about your weight, have an eating disorder, or have no patience for inane cruelty over another person’s appearance. George, in the book, is overweight. And we are reminded as such basically everytime Lucy has to look at, mention, or hear him because Lucy hates fat people. Well, more specifically Lucy hates George. But since there is little to no substance to their relationship, other than being explicitly told it's antagonistic, Lucy hates George for being fat. Repeatedly.  And loudly. 

If you enjoyed George in the TV series, do not look forward to his characterization in the books. Instead of the socially awkward but ultimately lovable autistic coded man, we are given a socially awkward, deliberately antagonistic abrasive man with no real substance other than being mean who Lucy hates. As I said before, Lucy’s main complaint about George, beyond comments that they don’t much get on and a few awkward interactions, is that he is fat and he happens to eat.

Due to George’s lack of substance, other than being a researcher and abrasive in personality, a good deal of Lucy’s antagonism towards him seems pointless. There’s so much fatphobia in this book. Like I physically cannot understate this. There’s SO much fatphobia in this book. It’s pretty much Lucy’s primary complaint about George. Yes she finds him rude and off putting in his manners but every other word of her narration when it comes to him is: insulting him for being fat, talking about him eating a sweet food in a derisive manner that makes it clear she finds him greedy, or describing him as overweight in an exaggerated way in order to make it clear that being fat is Not Okay and Not Normal. It’s maybe supposed to be funny in a 2000’s-esque mean-girl way, but it just comes off as mean. Over and over. Mean. It’s not fun to read at all, and could very reasonably make some readers self-conscious.

All that being said, the plot of this book is good, the world building in this book is good. Good enough that I skipped through the verbose nature of the descriptions with little complaint and ignored the fatphobic mean-girl commentary because I was so eager to see how Stroud was going to further flesh out his world. If you can stomach those things I recommend you read this book. This is a good book to read on the toilet; It’s engaging and entertaining, and being stuck on the loo stops you from being too annoyed at the heavy-handedness of the description. I mean, at least it's not the shampoo bottle, right?

Rating:

A Solid Good. 

I look forward to reading the next one. :)

[mediaevalmusereads]

Love Medicine. By Louise Erdrich. Harper Perennial, 1993 edition (original published 1984).

Rating: 4/5 stars

Genre: contemporary fiction

Series: Love Medicine #1

Summary: Set on and around a North Dakota Ojibwe reservation, Love Medicine is the epic story about the intertwined fates of two families: the Kashpaws and the Lamartines.

With astonishing virtuosity, each chapter draws on a range of voices to limn its tales. Black humor mingles with magic, injustice bleeds into betrayal, and through it all, bonds of love and family marry the elements into a tightly woven whole that pulses with the drama of life.

Filled with humor, magic, injustice and betrayal, Erdrich blends family love and loyalty in a stunning work of dramatic fiction.

***Full review below.***

CONTENT WARNINGS: moderate sexual content, dubious consent, alcoholism, domestic violence, adultery, suicide

OVERVIEW: I've read a few Louise Erdrich novels and poems before, but I figured I'd go back and read the book that put her on the literary map. I have the 1993 edition - the one with a few added sections after the original was published in 1984. Thus, my review doesn't necessarily apply to the original or to later editions where sections have been removed.

Overall, I found Love Medicine to be deeply fascinating. It's a family saga, so it's less about a tight plot than it is about following a handful of people through their lives across time. The characters were interesting enough that I wanted to see what they would do next, and combined with Erdrich's effortless prose, this book gets 4 stars from me.

WRITING: Erdrich's prose feels deceptively simple. It flows well and never trips me up and a reader, but it's also very good at balancing showing and telling and inserting figurative language in places where it enhances the reading experience (rather than feeling overwritten). I felt like I could make my way through at a steady pace and I got a firm handle on who people were by being privy to their internal thoughts.

PLOT: This book doesn't necessarily have a strict narrative that guides the action. It's more or less a family saga, featuring two major families and a few side characters as they experience love, loss, betrayal, etc. As a result, each chapter feels almost like a standalone short story, but Erdrich does a brilliant job entertaining each chapter/section so that they clearly build or expand on one another, even as they go in different directions.

I can see how some readers might be confused by the structure, especially since it's not always clear how much time passes or how people are related to one another. I can also see some readers struggling if they're not a fan of family sagas, and a lot of your enjoyment of this book will depend on how much you find the characters interesting.

Personally, I enjoyed following two specific families because I could see how they were woven together over the generations. It's not a story of a rivalry, really, but it is a story of how their fates are tied up with one another. That in itself was enough to keep me interested, as was all the challenges that characters faced by being Indigenous residents of a reservation.

CHARACTERS: There are many characters in this book and I don't want to give a critique of all of them. Thus, I'll just discuss Erdrich's characterization more broadly.

Each character in this book feels both unique and part of a larger web - shaped by their relationships to each other and the challenges that are thrown their way. I liked seeing how different characters reacted to similar things but I also was interested in how Erdrich wrote flaws (such as alcoholism and adultery). In my view, there was no character that felt too flat; all were complex and had their own unique motivations. The drama was captivating, and much was heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time.

TL;DR: Love Medicine is a compelling family saga that unfolds over a couple of generations, made more vivid by Erdrich's expert prose. Whether or not you enjoy this book will depend on how interesting you find the characters; personally, I thought they were complex and flawed and I kept wanting to see how they navigated the challenges of their lives.

[romilly-jay]

Comparing Apples and ?? Crab-Apples??

The Guard (2011) // I Care A Lot (2021) // Wuthering Heights (1847)...

***spoilers***

CW: Oh my goodness so much bad behaviour across all of these, but specifically - The Guard: murder, cancer, death, suicide, drugs, drug-smuggling, discussion of torture, prostitution, and strong language // I Care A Lot: murder, exploitation of vulnerable people, violence, threats, violence against women, violence generally, mafia // Wuthering Heights: terrible, terrible people, coercive control, unhealthy relationships, various kinds of cruelty, and more death.

TLDR: I guess people have different tolerances for different kinds of poor behaviour in the fiction/art we consume and, um, should feel the freedom to choose what we do/don't consume accordingly.

Well, I *have* heard of fiction and - YET - my personal experience with WH was that I hate-read Wuthering Heights as a mid-teenager in one immense, skim-reading session because my mother had bought it for me as a present and told me that I would love it and I kept stubbornly hanging on for the part where that would be true.

(I have subsequently accepted that M and I have wildly divergent tastes and the best indication that either one of us will violently dislike a thing is when the other one turns out to really like it.)

Fair point that perhaps we're in a context where many of us are Not Great and Getting Less Great at being able to differentiate between character and actor or character and author. Quite possible that someone would enjoy WH and still have the common sense to cut ties with anyone IRL who behaved in the same register as Heathcliff.

I can see the value of art forms that include or even focus on unlikeable characters. Totally willing to believe there are people who love these forms of creative expression and seek them out.

BUT

For me - it's not that I *can't* spend time with the character Heathcliff, it's that I don't WANT to. My time is precious. I don't feel like torturing myself. There's more to read than I'll ever get to and I just DON'T feel bad about letting myself off suffering through particular pieces of cultural capital that don't appeal to me.

Which brings me to The Guard vs I Care A Lot.

I Care A Lot was facing a bit of an uphill battle because I'd been manoeuvred into watching it and in these circumstances, I'm both cowardly (so, will fold) and vindictive (so will resent the movie and the movie-chooser and will probably sulk and be Not All That Much Fun).

BUT

I super very much disliked the opening sequence of ICAL yes yes sets up her character - cold, dislikeable, competent, ruthless, motivated yes yes we are supposed to take against her (and perhaps also admire her at least a little?) yes yes cool twist on the gender wars

EXCEPT

Really? The hyper-competent boss-girl lawyer is also - sharp intake of breath - EVIL. And - Lesbian. Hot competent lesbians are evil.

**sigh**

Conversely, I found the opening sequence of The Guard intriguing and funny, whilst also at and beyond the edge of taste and decency. Okay - drink driving. Okay - youth death. Okay - tampering with evidence. (But did you know notice that at least the stated motive was to spare the feelings of the bereaved mother? Admittedly delivered in a way that makes it v hard to know whether it's sincere.)

Do I repeatedly forgive The Guard because the MC is cis-het middle aged white male or because this buffoonish, never-by-the-book cop takes care of his mother, seems to have a moral compass (buried or skewed by all the other stuff), and ultimately rises to the occasion?

I found him likeable. I enjoyed being an observer of his world. I even found that he did terribly dislikeable things is mostly a likeable way.

In ICAL, I finally started rooting for the female lead around the time she was facing down the mafia boss and expressing calm unconcern at the threat of execution. Here, she also rose to the occasion IMO.

BUT she was terribly dislikeable (not in itself a reason to avoid the movie though probably a reason *I* should have avoided it) and I was overall pleased that her deeds eventually caught up with her.

Read a couple of lowish quality reviews while I was "working through my feelings" about this movie. One of them said interesting things but in a style that suggested AI involvement (maybe, maybe not... I don't think any use of AI was declared - oof, this just makes me sentimental for the good old bad old days of the early internet).The other one was a scarcely veiled excuse for pushing hair products.

In the hair article, I thought there might be something small and specific about the decision to give RP a ramrod straight 'do' when she's in court and a more relaxed version of the bob otherwise. Nope. There was, however, a comment that the design team was trying to use hair design mirroring to reinforce the idea that RP and PD were essentially the same (something about a tiny pigtail?). This I found intriguing and credible. I *do* think the mirrored characterisation is an important idea in the movie - and makes sense of the decision to use an ordinary guy to bring her story to a close, not the gangster.

Feels like a "wrong answers only" response but we walked through the Inns of Court area of London this am and I wondered briefly if there was a "look like a wig" vibe going on with RP's hair in the courtroom scenes but honestly, nope. Don't think that's why. I think it's just about making her look especially extra: controlled, cold, in control, sleek, shark-like, on her game, court-credible, etc.

PS Himself and I had a chat about why wigs were incorporated into the UK judicial costume and I'm smugly delighted to note that my guess (that when the dress was codified it was just Normal Everyday Wear for Gentlemen) was there or thereabouts as the reason.

PS2 final thought, from sport not from art -

At the Paris Olympics, I was moved by this moment in the Decathlon, where one Norwegian competitor, having just crashed out of the medals on the pole vault, competed in the final event anyway to act as a pacer for his teammate who then successfully won the gold.

As the caption says, under certain formulations of the rules - perhaps under certain ethical framings also - it's possible to argue that Rooth shouldn't have had access to this kind of help, that it was an artificial enhancement of his chances. And yet - I found it noble and moving. Sheesh, the way we don't all perceive things the same way, eh?

[Tweet by Gabby Pieraccini, 4th Aug - the rule being discussed was the "Gundersen" approach - no, I don't otherwise know what that is.]

[ranahan]

Originally this was a long-ass post about how this is a reductive and US-centric take, with many non-US examples pulled from my personal and family history. On a second thought however, I’m not sure I want to go there, so I’m gonna cut to the chase with this:

I’m not pro or contra fictional characters or sides—you couldn’t pay me to care that much, I’ve got real life problems to deal with. But I do find Mandalorian culture and politics of both sides compelling because of reasons of personal and family history and the parallels I can draw with Mandalorian history and the issues of pacifism vs. militarism.

I also enjoy fandom precisely because it allows you to explore all sorts of perspectives and narratives the original material didn’t cover (whether it was because it had a different focus, didn’t have the budget, or was too chickenshit to go there). Fandom generally does this by reinterpretating, reimagining, selecting and remixing the original material. If you want to write the New Mandalorians as a native peace movement in protest of the failed colonialist policies of their ancestors, you can. If you want to write the New Mandalorians as the Republic’s puppet government committing cultural genocide, you can. If you want to make them both at the same time, desperate to end the bloodshed, yet equally desperate to not be glassed by the Republic again, carefully balancing this double-bladed sword—you can. (And personally I wish I’d see more of the last sort.)

When it comes to Star Wars specifically, I think we should also acknowledge that it’s a fecking huge body of work and it’s entirely reasonable to expect that not all fans have consumed the entirety of it, nor might they be aware of what material is or isn’t considered canon or legends or even fanon. We also shouldn’t consider getting a degree in Star Wars to be a prerequisite for participating in fandom or meta discussions about fandom. So please keep in mind that people participating in these discussions might have been exposed to only some parts of the Star Wars narrative and might be drawing their conclusions from partial evidence. Not to mention that Star Wars itself is sometimes contradictory.

Not all people participating in these discussions are American, either. Whether you are or aren’t, keep in mind that some of your assumptions and associations (“military = vehicle of violent colonialism” vs. “military = keeps us from being violently oppressed by our bigger fascist neighbour”) may be specific to your cultural context and may not be shared globally.

My bottom line is this: don’t like, don’t read. It’s the same damn discussion we have about kinks in fandom. If you want to write about violence, non-con, terrorism, pacifism, colonialism, cultural genocide, or any other “problematic” subject, you can and it doesn’t mean that you personally agree with the opinions of your characters or want to do those things in real life. If you as a reader don’t want to read about those subjects, then you can just not read about them—but you don’t get to shame other fans or writers for exploring those narratives. Just move on.

Does that mean we shouldn’t have meta discussions about Mandalorian politics? Of course not! But keep the discussions about fictional characters to the realm of fiction and literary analysis and leave off the ad hominem arguments. This goes for both sides of this argument. Please and thank you.

P.s. OP, this not aimed personally at you. This debate has been going on in various blogs on my dash for a good long while and your post just happened to be the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back.

I am sorry, but each time I see Star Wars fan complains that Satine destroyed Mandalore culture, I imagine OP as some kind of caricatural American Dude with shotgun, shouting: FUCKING LIBS DESTROY OUR AMERICAN CULTURE WITH THEIR GUN LAWS!

[michaelmyersmalewife]

omg I'm so happy to hear that was your intention for the piece!! and for sure -- while I definitely had some critiques of the film itself, i absolutely loved lee and one element that I found super fascinating was her relationship with ruth. you can see that there is a lot of tenderness and love there (lee's daily calls, making her mom food, ruth stroking lee's hair), but there's still an evident strain there due to the trauma ruth has undergone for lee and the distance lee feels due to her religious upbringing. like, you can tell ruth did what she did to protect lee, but I felt that there still might be some resent there (like when ruth says, "you're not a child anymore because you were allowed to grow up"). what do you think? :o and of course, there's the entire theme of trauma that lee herself went through, and you're completely right, I'm sure she would have wished to have protected her younger self from witnessing the violence of longlegs and bearing the side effects of him living in her home and influencing her and her mom. it's definitely a really emotional story, and truly reflects even non-fictional parent-child dynamics.

and omg same, I was laughing so hard in the theatres when lee met ruby because the entire interaction was so endearing. you know, I've seen people on reddit saying that lee didn't even seem interested in ruby, or cared about her?? but, like, I don't agree with that at all, I felt like it was so clear lee was fond of ruby and she was clearly trying to make an effort by asking ruby questions. I honestly would've loved more scenes of them, especially considering there's speculation that there was meant to be a scene with ruby's adult self :o

oh absolutely agree. the film is far from perfect (though i still thoroughly enjoy it), but yeah. lee & ruth were in such a traumatic situation and she did her best to shield her daughter from it (to her detriment of course, but it was always well-intentioned). and as someone that also grew up in a heavily religious household with an overprotective mom, everything from lee’s stunted personality to the way she still cares for ruth despite everything is so real. you even get a hint of guilt lee feels for neglecting her prayers, of being scared of a higher power that you have to beg for protection.

and smh reddit just doesn’t know an autistic person when they see one. the way lee acts in social situations is like, textbook social awkwardness when you’re on the spectrum. sitting stiffly, avoiding eye contact unless you absolutely need to, not really knowing what to say. i could go on! it’s the way lee talked to ruby (however weird her phrasing might’ve been)/accepted her birthday invitation tells me that a part of her is open to socializing. which some autistic folks actually enjoy doing, even if it’s difficult!

and OOO i have not heard of that specifically, but i do know there was an alternate ending that test audiences didn’t really vibe with. im so curious to know what that would’ve been but I haven’t been able to find a solid source. anyway yes, i would’ve loved more scenes of ruby & her family, of ruth, and of course longlegs himself. while the movie is good at not overstaying its welcome, a part of me wishes it was a true detective/twin peaks style series instead….but oh well. what we got is enough i suppose :’)

[martyrlamb]

I’ve seen your post from October and where you said “by sharing it they condone it” or “someone will commit sexual violence”

and hear me out

It’s true someone might. Not even psychologists and other experts in the human psyche can predict who is and isn’t going to act out on fiction, and why or how. And in fact, if you think fiction condones something, then that says more about you than the fiction itself. It tells me about your upbringing, culture, beliefs and such.

media psychology is a research field I could recommend to you

i wasn’t going to dignify this with a response but i can’t leave this alone because What the hell. im just going to do it in bullet points bc im genuinely baffled at this. tw talking about sexual violence

og post

- did you even read what i said at all?? 😭 and trying to flip what i said onto me, then being condescending about it is RIDICULOUS like actually abnormal.

- where the hell did you pull that second quote from??? i quite literally said the opposite of that in my post, “when someone is desensitized to this kind of violence, they will think it's okay in their real personal lives. maybe not to even do themselves, but have someone do it to them. i've seen countless people believe they're into extreme kinks because of how the internet has desensitized them.”

- the only thing i could remotely link to that second quote is this. which IN THE CONTEXT ALSO COUNTERS YOUR WHOLE POINT. WHICH YOU HAVE CONVENIENTLY FORGOTTEN TO ADD. i say, “even if you don't want to partake in incest or sexual violence someone does. and i can guarantee that they read and enjoy the type of smut that's being written and posted on here” i literally say that not everyone who reads it will commit sexual violence, i say that people who do (not that everyone who consumes media like that will) are likely to consume this content because why wouldn’t they indulge in a gross fantasy they enjoy??????????

- im not going to regurgitate the same points from my original post but yeah. people who post stuff like that condone it to some extent because no one writes non-con stepcest hardcore smut without some kind of enjoyment out of it 😐 Literally just read my post and you’ll see why i say that bc obviously you either skimmed it or deliberately misinterpreted what i said or you actually lack critical thinking skills

- i’ve taken psych classes before and there’s actually many confirmed factors that contribute to the likelihood of someone’s beliefs/pleasures being influenced by writing and media because it either confirms beliefs they already had or introduces them to a new pipeline that preys on a vulnerable part of their personality. smut online hasn’t been explored specifically because its niche and relatively new in comparison to psychology studies as a whole

- then, i feel like i know what you’re getting at by trying to flip this narrative onto me being like “well maybe its a problem with YOU since you can’t separate reality from fiction” literally SHUTT HE HELL UPPPP stop being dense on purpose 😭

- i can separate reality from fiction just fine. fictional murderers? evil villains? fine with me. doesn’t mean everyone who likes them condones murder. the difference is that these people are writing these things as something to TAKE PLEASURE IN. THATS THE MAJOR DIFFERENCE!! dont paint ME to be the weird one for saying that writing men (or anyone) beating the shit out of women for sexual gratification is strange and harmful

- lastly, clearly you missed the entire fucking point of my post because it wasn’t even ABOUT the people who might commit sexual violence irl. that was a minute point in comparison to the larger context which was: the psychological damage it causes to vulnerable people that may think receiving this violence in their personal lives is okay!!!! due to being desensitized to it!!!!!!!

so. yeah. whatever. reread my post extremely slowly or something. im not usually this aggressive and rude but you put words in my mouth that i didn’t say and then had the gall to be condescending with that last line 😐.