#but sometimes it does make me sad. and frustrated. when I feel this motivation when im lying in bed tired at some ungodly hour

[burningfairytales]

On Bokuto being Fukurodani’s captain

I promised myself I wouldn’t make another Bokuto defence post, but I’ve been reliably informed the Fukurodani tag is lacking posts and I’m here to contribute.

We’ve probably all seen it - the post that is like, “every captain acts like a father figure to their team, and then there’s Fukurodani”

And I mean, it’s funny. It got a good chuckle out of me, too, because that is how jokes work. Jokes have to be funny, they don’t necessarily have to be true.

Because yes. For Karasuno, whose line-up consists of three first-years, and the dynamic duo Tanaka-and-Noya, sure, Daichi is more of a father figure. So is Kuroo, I suppose, for Nekoma (though where Daichi is the tough-love kind of dad, I see Kuroo as the “hey x, i’m dad” kind of person.)

And it works for them, because that’s what those teams need.

They’re young. They’re chaotic. They need a voice of reason (Karasuno) or, failing that, at least someone who’s capable of mediating in a fight. Who’s willing to tell the children to suck it up and make up, even if they weren’t in the wrong (Nekoma).

A captain should be what the team needs, after all.

But that is not how Fukurodani works.

Fukurodani has a completely different dynamic than Nekoma and Karasuno. Sure, they bicker. They probably fight, too. But listen. Save Akaashi and Onaga, the entire team is made up of third years - and we all know that in terms of maturity, Akaashi is on their level if not higher.

(Sorry Onaga. I’m afraid I don’t know enough about him yet to include him in that statement. Doesn’t come across as particularly childish either, for what it’s worth!)

So you’ve got an elite team. A team of more-or-less adults. The millennial kind of of adults, maybe - the “i need an adultier adult” kind. But a team of people who know when it’s okay to fool around and when it’s time to call it quits.

In a team like that, what use is a father figure?

And then there’s Bokuto.

Bokuto who is very much not mature at all. Bokuto who doesn’t know when to stop, when to call it quits. Bokuto who goes out to play not for the sake of winning, but to enjoy playing. To have fun. Winning is just the result of that.

Bokuto who looks at his teammates and gives them permission to just fool around and have fun, just for the sake of it. Want to try a cool spike? Great! It worked? That’s awesome, teach me how to do it.

Didn’t work? Too bad, try again.

Bokuto who gently and sometimes not-so-gently pushes his team. Try harder. Do better. Not because it’s disappointing if they don’t, but because it’s more fun if they do - because Bokuto firmly believes that they can.

Fukurodani is a great team. An elite team. They know they’re good. Maybe sometimes, just “good” feels like enough to them - but never to Bokuto. If you run three laps today, you might make it to four tomorrow. Maybe five laps the day after.

Bokuto is the kind of person who reaches, who moves forward, who doesn’t want to stop improving.

He’s also the kind of person who motivates his teammates to try harder simply because that’s what he does. They don’t want to fall behind. If Bokuto can do it, then so can we.

I think it’s such in important scene, at the end of the match against Mujinazaka, when Bokuto shakes hands with Kiryuu - not just because, despite their loss, Kiryuu can honestly say that he’s glad he played his last match against Bokuto, though I’d say that says a lot about Bokuto in general. It’s not a bad thing, losing to him. It’s sad - of course it’s sad, but it’s not frustrating. They played a good game. Hell, they had fun. It’s an acceptable loss.

But the really important part, to me, is when Bokuto holds onto his hand and tells him, “you should tell your team to give you better tosses. Even if it’s asking too much. You should still do it.”

Because not only does that show that Bokuto isn’t an idiot - he’s very much aware of what goes on on the field. He noticed that most of those tosses sucked. Kiryuu is amazing for managing to hit those, and Bokuto isn’t afraid of telling him that.

And it’s not even that he’s telling his opponent, hey, you’re already pretty incredibly and you could spike better if the set-up worked in your favour. (Because contrary to what seems a popular opinion, Bokuto’s “I’m the best!” Doesn’t mean “everyone else sucks.” I don’t understand why people tend to make him egoistical. Bokuto stops at nothing to tell others when they’re doing well and compliment them.)

No, the really important part of that exchange is that Bokuto is also saying, you aren’t letting your team improve if you keep letting them keep get away with this.

And it’s true, isn’t it. You can help your classmate cheat or do your coworker’s work for them - it saved them in that moment, maybe, but they will not learn. You’re taking away their opportunity for improvement.

Kiryuu can tell his team, it’s okay if your tosses are shit, I will hit them anyway. But at the end of the day, those tosses are still going to be shit. It doesn’t make them better players, and if any of them want to keep playing after high school they’re going to be in a lot of trouble, because not everyone will be able to hit them - or be even willing to try.

So no, Bokuto is about the farthest thing from a father figure. But he pushed his team to do better. Forces them to pick up the pace one way of another, sometimes maybe through his bad moods, but also by motivating them to stop accepting “good” as “good enough.”

And look, I’m not completey oblivious. I’m fairly certain Bokuto is probably not great at handling the official side of being captain - club applications and funding requests and whatever needs handling. But he’s not doing it alone, is he?

And of course Akaashi is impressive, making vice-captain as a second year. And I’m willing to bet Bokuto was the first to insist he’d have to do it.

So you’ve got the captain who pushes and the vice-captain who keeps things level. I’d say that’s the kind of team Fukurodani needs as their captains, don’t you?

[itslusii]

hello, good afternoon/evening 😊 , I would like to request a headcanon for pedri gonzales, what would it be like to have a relationship with him (whether he likes him, how he is, and what his love language is like), thank you very much yes you take my request and if not in the same way thank you! 💗🫶💐

Dating Pedri Gonzalez Headcanons ❤️‍🩹

Pairing: Pedri Gonzalez x Reader

Requested: yes / no

Warnings: um i don’t think so

Author’s Note: Omg omg Hiii !! this is my first request! 😭 thank you so much for this!!! I really hope this is what you were expecting, if not im open to hear any corrections! Hope you enjoy! 🤍🤍

-He would definitely be the kind of boyfriend that would talk about you to his parents and like ramble about how pretty you are and you’re like the best. the biggest simp ever

-His love languages are most definitely physical touch and words of affirmation. Like is less likely he will kiss you and grab your waist in public but he would whisper how gorgeous you look or how much he loves you. Again, simp.

-Also he would remember every. single. detail. of everything you tell him. All the of family tea, how you like your coffee, favorite ice cream flavor, favorite movie, what are your favorites t-shirts of him, etc, etc.

-If you are a student in college he would pick you up and take you wherever you need to ! Sometimes with him training and traveling for the matches and with you the studying it can be hard to coordinate dates and little meetings so any time he gets to spend with you, he’ll soak it up !!

-He would dedicate all his goals to you because well you are one of his main motivations to play. And it is clear to him that without your support he would not have gotten this far.

-His kisses are out of this world. Like he WILL grab you by the waist, pull you closer to him, stare down at your lips and then look back at your eyes for then him just to kiss you with all of his body. Like with every kiss he gives you a part of his soul (okay maybe i did go a little too far with that one but i got carried away sorry😭)

-When it comes to cuddles i have to admit that i don’t see him as the cuddler type, but don’t get me wrong he does love hug you! He definitely does the ‘from the back’ hug when you are standing at the kitchen counter with some hot drink in your hands.

-If you feel sad or frustrated with something he will do ANYTHING to make you feel better. He’ll go from dancing like an idiot for you to smile to letting you cry in his arms while he listens to you ramble and thinking of the best advice he could give you.

-If you have any little siblings he would get along with them so well. Definitely the little kids like him more than you. But when it comes to having some of his own he still thinks that it’s a little soon. But never turn down the idea of the cool uncle. This is for Fer and Fer exclusive.

-Talking about Fer! He would adore you, like he is sooooo happy his baby brother got someone to love him the way he deserves🫶🏼

-His mom and dad of course love you, and whenever you visit them Rosy definitely cooks her famous croquetas that her son loves so much! But if you don’t like them that’s fine she’ll gladly cook something else for you.

-Pedri is so happy he has you in his life❤️‍🩹

[james-stark-the-writer]

riverdalians, i have deeply disappointing news. the new Super Eyepatch Wolf Riverdale video.... does not Get It.

i mean it's a rough video on its lonesome too, repeating far too much of stuff he already covered in the first video, but it also doesn't really come to any point. honestly, it just seems incoherent at times. but like. the big crime is that he doesn't Get It. like i understand his frustrations with season 7, i share many of them too, but honestly, as sacrilegious as it may sound, it commits some of the same Art Sins as the FSN video (especially as far as treating Riverdale as trying to say something like John does try to find some meaning at the end but he misses the most obvious thing which is really infuriating. like to an extent it's cultural differences, but then again it's also not my culture that's being deconstructed and i got it so i don't know what to tell you, especially bc Riverdale is not remotely subtle about its deconstructions.), like he brings up plot points that are clearly About something and then just... doesn't confront them. like he clearly points out things like how Percival is old and has been around for a long time and how he's corrupting the soul of the town and basically doing a genocide and is from a long line of genociders and how he is the embodiment of evil but he never connects all those to understand that season 6 is critiquing white supremacy (especially given that Riverdale is not a subtle show, like they are very explicit in their political critiques. i do not understand how he could possibly miss that unless he wasn't paying attention and treating it as actual art.), and that season 7 is a very normal lead into it. like yeah i have critiques of season 7 and their approach to tackling racial issues, but it's very clearly leaning further into the deconstruction that the show is doing. like i'm just so stunned he didn't Get It.

fuck, he doesn't even talk about the fucking series finale! which i feel like is a perfect encapsulation of what he finds fascinating in media. like, after his Garfield video, i thought he would get the haunting, horrific implications of the series finale, but he doesn't even talk about it! yeah. there's just no finale section. he just stops talking about the show at the penultimate episode while clearly playing clips from the finale, and he doesn't talk about the finale, which is so baffling to me that i cannot even fathom that this video was meant to be released. genuinely feel like half the video is missing. what the hell, John. i don't think there's a third video coming so it all honestly just seems like a waste. like in some ways, i guess if his Big Point is that the show is incoherent (which tbh is one of the weakest and most wrong criticisms of Riverdale? like, Riverdale will sometimes have you questioning why something was executed the way it was, or why a certain choice was made. but it's not a hard show to follow. it's not incoherent. you just have to pay attention. because it's a dense show. it's very plot-heavy, so you have to be paying attention. yeah sometimes characters flip about, but there's always a base status-quo as a touchstone for categorizing and explaining their behavior, and if you put aside the motivations the literal events are extremely simple to understand. like seriously it's very easy to follow when you actually have context and aren't listening to random plot points decontextualized in a YouTube video that is less than 1/100th of the runtime of the actual show.) and pointless, making the video incoherent and pointless is like, interesting, and tries to mimic the meta characteristics of the show, but it doesn't make for a particularly fun video to watch, and it also is not like giving the show enough credit as a piece of art, so it's just really irritating as a whole.

genuinely so sad about this lol, like i knew from the first one that a lot of his enjoyment was from the outrageous moments and that he probably wouldn't love season 7 but i didn't think he would just completely miss the point this hard. also the way that he understands that Season 4 was filmed during the pandemic but doesn't understand that the first four episodes of Season 5 are actually part of Season 4? baffling. genuinely so many questionable decisions in that video. i do not understand it. i just. i'm so tired of everyone not getting the most blatant fucking Art that's extremely obvious about what it's doing. Riverdale is not hard to Get and the amount of people i've seen blatantly miss the point is really, genuinely scary in terms of media literacy. like jesus, how could you miss the point of Riverdale S06 and how it connects to S07. how is that even possible. did you watch it with your eyes closed, John.

[compassionatereminders]

recovery anon here thank you for your kind words! What am I supposed to look for when trying out new hobbies? Like fun or a sense of accomplishment or something else? I need to really focus on my studies that's what I should be doing rn but I'm just not interested... I should be but I'm not and I hate it. I wonder if I lost interest in studying when I saw a few ted talks talking about how fucked up the education system is and maybe that made me lose all interest to participate in this system. I still don't like the process of having to go through an entrance exam and interview and then selection which determines where you go in life. It feels like someone else gets to decide where you go and that's sad isn't it. You don't get to decide where you end up finally.But you still have to go through it, because you have got no other choice. Your parents begin to age, their bodies fail to function optimally. Little fevers give them infections, they will be dealing with pain they won't talk about to you children. You eventually will have to step up and support them. You will have to give in to the system because your parents become more important than your own pride. I'm at that stage I think so. I'm thinking about what I am supposed to do, should I make earning a living a priority or not I'm rocking forward and backward. I don't want to, but it sucks that I may have to eventually. I don't like it, I don't like this system and I don't like that people just give in to it. Sometimes I wish I had a motivation like a friend S she's trying to support her family, she has a brother who's not interested in studying, she has a sister who is not interested in working, she's the only one who can support her family. I wish I could be as desperate as her. I have good genes, good education, good skills, I have been blessed in this life. Do people only work hard if they realise they are lacking? I was lacking a lot of things I felt because of which I was motivated to be like another friend I idolised in the past. What is it that I lack now? What do I want now?I want to know the answer to this: What do I want now? And I hope the answer is studies...

Those frustrations about society are valid, real and understandable. Not dreaming of studying and working under the circumstances you describe does not reflect badly on you in my opinion. And with the caveat that there are things you may be forced to do in this society even though you don't enjoy them, I think pursuing joy and what is genuinely meaningful to you personally to the best of your ability is valid and important.

[queerwritersingerdramaqueen]

HEAR ME OUT

I like a reverse AU as much as the next person but the way it gets done sometimes is so out of character so I'm gonna just throw my two cents out into the void for anyone to draw inspiration from because I don't have the motivation to write it myself right now!

So, starting with the ones that get reversed a lot: Hank and Connor

Connor is obviously younger than Hank, so make him a newly assigned lieutenant who is trying to live up to his position of power. Being Connor, he's unsure, he questions himself a bit, he's scared of messing up as someone with power over others. Portraying him with Hank's personality just doesn't fit if you ask me, Connor's not that guy.

Now, due to Connor being a great but still new Lieutenant, who better for Fowler (or maybe Amanda if you want to get deep in a reverse AU) to partner him with than an Android that's basically perfect. which is not to say he should be optimistic and cheery as he is in some depictions. He can still be a stone-cold bitch or a sarcastic prick but less in the vein of "I hate everyone around me" and more in the "You're a bitch, you don't deserve my kindness" sort of way. AND HE CAN HAVE THIS ATTITUDE WITH HANK TO BEGIN WITH BUT I HONESTLY THINK HE'D BE MORE INTIGUED BY ANDROIDS AS MYSTERYS THEN GENUINELY HATE THEM, YOU CAN PRY THAT IDEA FROM MY COLD DEAD HANDS.

I'd also like to make a point that, whether Cole is a character in the story (as a brother or a kid from a case) who is present to make Connor sad, HE *CLAP* CAN *CLAP* STILL *CLAP* REACT *CLAP* LIKE *CLAP* CONNOR. He doesn't have to become Hank's mirror image after Cole's death, he can grieve in his own way. And even if you do chose to make him take the same route, he doesn't have to act like Hank when he's sober! (this is coming from a place of frustration that Connor just... wouldn't be cold towards everyone for no reason and it annoys me that he is in some fics)

Hank as an Android would be gruff and straight to the point because he is a "machine." He's designed to be no-nonsense, straight to the point and probably annoyed by Connor's persistent Empathy (similar to how Connor can be during some playthrough's of the game). The absolute key to this portrayal would be emphasising that Hank acts like this because he is programmed to. Cyberlife has to have a reason for making Hank the way he would be so please, jump on the nuance of why Hank would be such a sullen, apathetic android and the implications that has for him to achieve deviancy. He's not meant to be nice to the people he works for, he's meant to do a job.

Now for the icing, how does this reverse dynamic work in context of the plot?

Connor needs someone steady and secure to fall back on lest he succumb to the pressures of the position he's in. Hank's blunt, maybe sometimes rude way of getting to the point is exactly what Connor would need to stay afloat. He needs someone who can be tough and give it to him straight when he's doubting himself. In regards to their cases, yes, he has a very "Hank" way of responding to the android actions (i.e. shooting Chloe, Hunting down the Traci's) in that he takes an empathetic approach towards the Andorids but less from a "they look human and it's disturbing" standpoint and more from a "deviants are alive" standpoint from the get go. He shows empathy towards the Traci that was killed in the Eden club, he tries to understand why deviancy is occurring, he defends Hank against anti-android people.

(And please feel free to fight me on that point, I've seen one playthrough and have a general idea of Hank's reactions to deviancy based on fanfic and whatnot. I'm not an expert on how Hank reacts and I want input)

And here's my favourite part, Hank deviating with Connor's help. It is Connor's humanity and empathy that really intrigues me on this part. When people portray him with Hank's characteristics, he comes off really angry and Hank deviates from a position of "I care about this kid, I have to look after him." And while this is *chef's kiss* it's not the only possible way for Connor to influence his deviancy. His general kindness to people around him, his resilience, his empathy, his humanity can influence how Hank starts seeing the world around him. (I guess that it just really bugs me that Hank only seems to really deviate for Connor when there are so many more facets that can make Hank the purveyor of his own deviance, with Connor giving him the nudge)

Just like in canon where Android Connor helps Human Hank find purpose in his life again, Human Connor can help Android Hank realise he is more than a machine, that he's alive.

In conclusion, stop making Connor into Hank! (I obviously can't stop you but food for thought.)

I'll come back at some point with other characters.

[skateboardtotheheart]

in every fandom, I see a lot of posts that are always like "if you don't like this character you're wrong" or "you just don't understand them" and seeing those kinds of posts just makes me so frustrated???

most recently I've seen a lot of those posts about the cat king from dead boy detectives (just because it's my latest hyperfixation), and frankly, yeah, I don't really understand. and I will read your entire long post explaining why he's got all these little nuances or subtle tones or genuineness that I missed and I can grow a little more understanding about him. but hey- when I'm done reading your post? unfortunately I still do not like him. I can appreciate him and what he brings to the show, but I just don't like him. it's not because I think he's creepy or gets in the way of a ship or anything most people automatically assume - he's just not my vibe. he simply doesn't fit in the scope of characters I enjoy.

and why is that wrong?? why do I need to be lectured at because of that?? when did fandoms get to a point that people aren't allowed to have differing opinions on a character or dislike a character just because? yes, a lot of the time it is, but it doesn't always need to be deeper than that.

YOU relate to that character on a deeper level, YOU understand their intrinsic motivations, or at least what you perceive them to be, and YOU love that character. fantastic!! I'm happy for you!! enjoying media in a way where you can do that is how it is meant to be!! but in absolutely no universe will everyone ever have the exact same interpretations of a character or piece of media. we all see different aspects of people and relate to things/characters differently. I've been on both sides of things! sometimes my favorite character in a show is someone that everyone else hates or doesn't care for, but I'm okay with that! if they disagree with me, then they disagree with me. I've done the deep dives into why I think the character acts the way they do and taken time to devote myself to better understanding them.

but some people just don't do that. you can be a fan of something without doing that with a character. hell, you can be a fan of something by only ever consuming the source material at its surface level and NEVER going deeper if you do not want to do so. it's allowed.

maybe while you're interpreting a character to have a deeper trauma that results in them acting the way they do, they're reminding someone else of trauma they went through and that character makes them feel bad. maybe you see someone trying to help, but someone else sees it as manipulation. maybe you see someone cold and bitter while someone else sees the kindest person with years of walls built up around them. maybe what someone else interprets as funny, you have never laughed at.

((if we're keeping with the dbd example, think about when the Night Nurse watched Charles' death. what she saw was the quick and utter devotion that Charles developed for Edwin and how deeply he cares for him; she's seeing that Charles will truly not give up in getting Edwin back from hell. what Charles saw was the pure kindness Edwin had done for him even after all those decades in the worst place imaginable; he's seeing who Edwin is on a deeper level. neither interpretations of the memory are incorrect. but after watching the exact same thing, they are thinking in two entirely different directions))

so why does everything seem to start off with "you're wrong" and "I'm sad for you because you just don't get it"? we should be HAPPY that there are people out there who take different approaches and have different interpretations. that is how media is meant to be consumed. and I'm not saying that you shouldn't make your long posts explaining why you love a character- by all means do that!! you understand something that others don't and that should be put out in the world!! but if you're going to do that you also need to understand that there are a lot of people who you WILL persuade, and there are a lot of people who you will NOT. don't be upset about that and certainly do not put down or lecture anyone who doesn't agree with you. it's OKAY. it is not the end of the world just because someone doesn't like a character you like.

everyone interprets media differently. and that's amazing.

[shouldhavestayedawayfromhere]

My Thoughtforms

This is my follow-up post on my rant about thoughtforms. I really love my thoughtforms and have wanted to talk about them forever, and now I finally found a place where I could potentially meet people who share my passion. So let me tell you all about them!

Zhang Wei

My very first and longest thoughtform is called Zhang Wei. He has a Chinese background. I don't even know why. It makes no impact really, since he speaks perfect English (and my native language, but we stopped using that ages ago). He's a fire elemental 100%, super energetic and funny. His age is similar to mine and he always kinda grows with me. He has pink dyed hair and loves to dance. He's been my friend in very though times, which is why he was the first to get the privilege of becoming an official thoughtform. Zhang Wei mainly helps me with courage and confidence in situations I'm unfamiliar with. But he can also up my passion and motivation easily.

One funny story I have of him was when I was still taking driving lessons, and my teacher had me drive really steep roads, and I was getting super anxious. I always took Zhang Wei with me to the driving lessons, since my teacher was low-key a butthole and almost made me cry every week. Anyways, as I was panicking internally, Zhang Wei told me "it's alright, even if you die, I promise I'll be there." Which did not initially help the fear but it was so funny to me that it kind of just made the situation ridiculous instead of scary to me. He was so serious tho lol

Matt

My second human thoughtform is called Matt. Matthew in full, but I don't call him that. He's someone's OC I don't even know whose, a drawing I saw on Pinterest, I think. His character just built up from there. He's a water elemental, super calm and chill person. He's currently 27, again, don't ask me why or how I know that I just feel it 🤌. He's Brazilian. Also a fact I don't know why it's relevant but okay. He likes to cuddle, that one's really important. He has comfy vibes and is mostly a safe space for me.

Matt is there when I wake up from a nightmare and need comfort. He's there when I feel the strings of toxic people from my past tugging at my heart and making me feel empty and unvalued. And he's also there when I need a hug, but my sensory issues won't let me, or my autistic ass feels safe with no real person because "they won't understand". He does. He understands and he's there. And he reminds me of Lucifer too sometimes because of the protective vibes. Random, but it had to be said.

Bob

My third thoughtform is Bob. Bob started out as a drawing in my sketchbook. Bob has it/it's pronouns. It's kind of like a personification of an emotion, but in a way that is very gentle. It can shield me from the outside by being all around me like a mass of black goo. Making me safe from my surroundings. I could call it an autistic accommodation thoughtform. I also use Bob sometimes to channel difficult emotions by drawing it in different positions and postures or doing different things. Mostly hard emotions such as sadness, numbness, anger, frustration, etc. Bob is really nice to have around. It doesn't speak, by the way. It's just there. And I'm currently working on a crochet version of it so looking forward to that. Maybe I'll post it when it's done :)

Doggo

And my fourth and currently last thoughtform doesn't have a name. Or maybe it does and I forgot about it. She doesn't really need one though, because she doesn't talk either. And because she's a dog. A pink dog to be exact. She's been with me too before I ever made my first thoughtform official. She's a way I channel my excitement.

I'm one of those Audhd people who are very expressive and show their happiness and excitement by stimming loudly and openly and very freely. That, however, isn't possible in all my surroundings. So, I one day decided to think of her. A pink dog with wings. It sounds silly, but whenever I get too excited, and I can't show it externally, I just think of her power sprinting through the hallways I'm walking in, or sometimes on a field. She'll clumsily jump anything around her, bark excitedly, and let out all the pent up energy I have. It works really well for me to get some of that excitement out of my system until I'm in a safe surrounding where I can openly be my excited, flappy self.

Those are all my thoughtforms. If anyone out there wants to talk about theirs I would be super down to chat about it, I really hope this reaches someone who can relate to this. And if not, I still love to yap, so if you got questions or thoughts don't hesitate to talk to me any way you want I'd be super excited to talk to anyone :)

[kaylor]

as always you are so right on your opinions lmao.. cr will always have a special place in my hearth but since watching other (better) live plays and playing myself I cant sit through a single ep.. matt is great but he is almost too descriptive we dont need all of that matt please edit it down a little king, and the cast man i loved them but they are not decisive people like i feel like poking them with a stick (except travis thats my #1 rp on that table).. the most recent cr thing I watched was calamity and thats kinda cause brennan is great and the cast was stellar abria, lou travis! sam when he is actually playing of others <3 but idk it feels sad like I have outgrown them.. :/

anyway love your mind as always and what is your fave d20 season if you dont mind sharing? I have only watched A Court of Fey & Flowers and I loved it.. but I have no idea what to watch next hehe

calamity was SOOOOOO GOOD you're so right. brennan really rocked up at critrole HQ, showed everyone how it's done, killed 5/6 PCs and ruined the rest of CR forever because nothing will ever be that good ever again. the sexiest table we've ever seen. "this is going to be a to whom it may concern - i cast fireball" BITCH!!!!!!

i think campaign 3 would have really benefited from a more elaborate or expansive session zero because the vision matt has for the campaign does NOT align with the characters at all. it doesn't seem like they're on the same page at all. the mighty nein worked because they were all random people, they all had something unresolved or mysterious in their past, they all had secrets, and matt gave them a huge playground for them to develop those characters with plenty of scattered points of interest for them to choose. and even though it was just as chaotic as C3, it worked because they weren't on the clock.

i don't want to use the R word but bells hells are being railroaded into this predathos plot and NONE of them had ANY relationship with the gods, so it feels really unnatural for any of them to really pursue this beyond feeling like they should. orym and imogen have stronger motivations but orym is extremely passive and imogen just sits and whimpers about it making absolutely no decisions. it's very frustrating as a viewer and if i were DMing this i would be so frustrated with such indecisive players. but i think it's also on matt for inundating them with lore and plot so early on. all in all it's just not executed very well and it's disappointing.

oooh my fav d20 season i think is a court of fey and flowers or a crown of candy (not super keen on the ending, but i would have to rewatch and have a good think about what i would have done instead..). acofaf was just incredible, hats off to aabria for making me so invested in a fae bridgerton. WAIT ALSO MENTOPOLIS. i have never laughed so hard in my life. mike trapp and hank green were a DELIGHT. just absolutely incredible character choices all around. really enjoying fantasy high junior year so far, which is nice because sophomore year was a bit of a slog i'm ngl, probably because it was live and therefore unedited but i struggled sometimes to keep focused. junior year is fucking crisp though, everyone is on top form ❤️

[porkcutletbowl44]

I was going to send my rant a bit earlier but you posted the Simon analysis I was waiting so I had to read it (I'm a bit obsessed with your work, you do an amazing job on it). First about the new chapter, I'm so glad to see Simon finally trying to explain why he divorced from mama. One of my favorite kind of characters are the ones who don't have health behaviour, who know it but are just a complete mess at trying to make things right. Sometimes I think it looks like I hate his character, and I do, but I also love him. He's a character that's made to be disliked, specially at the first chapters were we don't have a glue about what are the motivations behind his actions, and to make us curious about how he ended to behave the way he does because during the start, the memories that are shown to us always present Simon as a loving, caring and basically the perfect husband and father. The flashbacks and the reactions that some characters (like mama and Johnny) has when they discover he wants a divorce implies that his family was something he cares above anything else, and considering he was being a asshole with them made me hungry for every little hint you gave us to explain why he decided to get a divorce. Honestly, I think you did a great job on this aspect. It makes things so more enjoyable when the characters are actually written in a realistic way (have seen some awful fics were a person((that's an actual character of the original thing the fic is inspired into)) is an jerk without any really good excuse for that😭). He makes me feel so many things like frustration, sadness and even nostalgia with all the old good memories he shares with mama. The way he feels guilty, sick even of the path his own insecurities lead his marriege and in the same time can't find the guts to say it out loud that he's insecure because he doesn't want to be vunerable is MESMERIZING TO READ💞💞💞. He makes me so mad I love it. The whole analysis, specifically the BPD part, it's just like how I imagined Simon's mindset to be. I'm really curious about what else you've in mind for the anothers, mostly for Keegan. You've shown some of how he behaves and how he behaves and I'm just too anxious to see more of him. As you said Far From Perfect it's about both Simon and Keegan, and since most chapters ever so far has been focused on Simon I'm eagerly waiting to see what you've cooked for him. What I think we can expect is for him to learn how to properly deal with his own feeling. For example this last chapter revealed that the love he feels for mama is far more complex and strong than anything he experienced ever so far in his whole life, and he's scared of how it might end. He's scared that she doesn't love him back, and it's completely understandable because of her own past (the divorce situation and the confusing feelings both her and Simon still feel) but I want to know how he'll handle it. He acts patiently, mostly passive during the fanfiction, of course not entirely, but I feel like his fear from rejction made him hold back way more than he would originaly have if his feelings weren't so strong. I really want to know if it has any relationship with past experiences(maybe old relationships that didn't work out) or just a genuine and natural insecurity he has for another factors. Canonically there isn't much info about Keegan's past life before military so I think you have a good space to create new lore for him if you decide to do so. To finish I just have one more question: Currently, how many months it has passed since mama and Simon divorced? I'm horrible realizing time and I just remember it passed more than 3 months since it happened (and I'm not entirely sure too-). Anyways, your writting is immaculate and I hope you continue doing such a lovely job in this fanfiction❤️❤️❤️

100%. I don't even know if I can add to this because it's amazing the way it is 😩💗

I've been doing a lot of Simon, yes, and I swear there's gonna be lots and lots of Keegan time for a hot minute. I have plenty planned for him, Keegan is already a complete opposite in dealing with things in the Simon department 🤣

Writing Simon is literally therapy for me. Imperfect, struggling with himself, coming to terms and figuring it all out so horribly messy, sorry but I can't completely hate him even though he frustrates me to write sometimes.

And for the last question! I left that part vague, because mama has depression and that affects memory with time spans and stuff, people with depression sometimes barely acknowledge a week has passed, so because she doesn't know, there's no telling. It's just months as described.

Thank you for this lovely ask and your amazing support 🫶🏻💛💛

[youngparadisedonut]

Hello 👋🏽 so this might not sound like I’m complementing you but I am

When I first found your page I just thought you were a hater with no life.. I think I found you when season four aired and I saw you talking about the Iris situation and let me just say I think I hold the crown for the biggest Carlos hater during season 4, they made me hate him but everytime I would look at your page I would be like we get it so why are you talking about him this much then. I wasn’t really involved in the fandom or has obsessed in the show back then as I am now and I have come to absolutely love tk, and I have found my group of friends on Twitter who love him also. from the moment I came into this fandom it was blatantly obvious biased towards Rafa/carlos (I mean we all saw how fast they were to never talk about ronen again..)that I just didn’t understand, it’s like they foams at the mouth anytime they talk about Rafa/carlos

The Carlos Stan’s have gotten a lot worse imo and we need tk defenders more then ever

What I’m trying to say is I used to see you and go if you don’t like something why are you talking about it but I never said that to people saying the nice things about the characters which is unfair cause we shouldn’t push people who are rightfully calling out characters too the side and make them talk about it with just there friends, if people can say good things, other people can be critical and we need people like you more then ever. Thank you for constantly calling out Carlos cause the watered down “criticism” he gets is such bs

He was not the best boyfriend, definitely not the best fiancée and he’s not gonna be the best husband in the beginning and I’m so tired of these women who are old enough too realize what he does is wrong making excuses after excuses and babying him so much. I think tk deserves way better instead of a man who constantly lies and puts things/people above him then crawls back crying when the damage is done

So just thank you for not stopping with this account cause this fandom is truly delusional when it comes to Carlos and then that fuck ass spinoff they want to do? With his partner who he has “special chemistry” with…

Thank you! I know that I can be very annoying sometimes hahaha.

I’m so frustrated about how TK is often treated by the fandom and the writers. He was criticized for not being ready for a relationship with Carlos, even if he was recovering from a relapse after the boyfriend he proposed to said he was in love with another guy (and probably cheated on him). He was blamed for the breaking up with Carlos after Carlos triggered him by making a big decision that affected both of them without talking to him first, and no one (not the fandom, not the writers) recognized that his motives for the break up were valids. The amount of hate he got just because Cooper was his sponsor was horrifying.

Carlos hiding a marriage, being so dismissive of TK with the wife jokes, blaming TK for Iris disappearance and acting so hostile towards TK was objectively so much worse than any mistake that TK did in their relationship, but I saw feel people calling him out on his bulshit. People even found Iris interactions with TK funny. Everything was fine as long as their favorite could get alway with it. The double standards where very clear.

(It’s so sad how TK has such a kind heart and loves so big)

(Yet no one ever chooses him first)

(Owen with his job)

(Carlos with Iris)

When I saw the news about Carlos and his partner who he has “special chemistry” with was the nail in the coffin for me. Like, nope. I already know where this is going. People will ship Carlos with his partner (even if he turns out to be in a happy relationship) and compare him with TK, how he is so much better and supportive tham TK and Carlos definitely should be with him instead, especially during the probable Jonah arc.I'm not gonna put myself into that.

[utilitycaster]

Hi I just wanted to say thank you for putting everything that frustrates me about the fandom’s interpretation of Imogen and Laudna into words. I’ve made a few posts about Imogen’s flaws and how easily she seems to switch loyalties and I’ve been met with so many people telling me I’m not watching the show right or how Imogen isn’t to blame because she’s being controlled by the moon and it’s exhausting. I’ve been wanting to make a post about it but I didn’t know how to phrase it and you articulated pretty everything I’ve been thinking. I’m also planning on writing about the weird misandry in the fandom and how a lot of people don’t like male or male presenting characters if they can’t them their uwu sad white boy of the month and am really interested if you have any thoughts on that. I really hope people aren’t assholes to you about that post❤️ -brjeauregard

Hey! Thank you so much! I'm assuming you're ok going by your handle here since it was a voluntary add to an anon but if you want me to delete this for whatever reason feel free to message me and I will.

Yeah...I'd agree that it's really tiresome how if you actually want to engage with Imogen as an entire character with motivations and flaws, there's this immediate freakout. It's obnoxious that people seem to think all her impatience, grudges, and little snipes and unkindnesses must come from some other source (the gnarlrock, Ruidus); it can't be her cynicism or being cranky due to exhaustion from holding up her psychic barriers; that only makes her more nurturing and empathetic, apparently). Like, there's all these accusations that people have no empathy for Imogen, coming from people who openly would happily throw every other character (sometimes even including Laudna) from the skyship for the crime of having individual motivations different from Imogen's goals, and I'm very over it.

I would love to see more posts about the misandry, tbh. It's a really tricky subject because like...look, in the real world, misogyny is a load-bearing pillar of oppression not just of women, but one of the core underpinnings of homophobia, transphobia, and toxic masculinity as well. What people call misandry irl is, much of the time, either hatred directed on an individual level rather than a systemic one or is actually oppression of men under a different system (eg, transphobia towards trans or gnc men; racism towards men of color, etc). But in fandom, especially on Tumblr which is overwhelmingly female and/or queer, there is this weird hatred towards men (or, as we've seen a bunch with Ashton, masc-leaning nb people) in fiction for no reason other than they are not women. I'm not linking them here so as to not invite weird shit to the doors of my mutuals but I can think of two very good recent posts that touch on this subject, one from a month or so ago about the fandom tendency to reshape characters in their own (often white middle-class queer) image instead of trying to relate to someone not like you; and one from yesterday that does address fandom misandry directly.

It is interesting because it feels like half of the hatred or weird fanon towards male characters comes from a "well I can't make him into a palatable white sadboy" (trying to turn Orym into The Most Tragic when he is just a guy; ignoring Chetney, Fjord, or Scanlan because they don't fit that mold neatly); and the other half comes from hating the character because he can conceivably be treated as a white sadboy even though he's got much more going on (Vax, Percy, Caleb, sometimes Caduceus). Like, there is really no winning. To be fair, there's also no winning for female characters among people with that mindset (see: the entire post that prompted this, in which they must be Good Examples Of Sweet Unproblematic Women who Chastely Kiss, Pinterest Style) or nb characters (will be misgendered in an instant if they do not support the narrative of the fave or interfere with preferred ships).

I think, generally, once people start judging a fictional character, who lives in a gender-equal world with no transphobia, primarily on the basis of gender, it just turns into a slippery slope of kind of hating every character. I do want to see interesting women in fiction! Part of why I watch actual play is because it is a still relatively rare case where many of the originators of these characters are women who are granted nigh-total creative control over their characters! But I'm not going to write off a character with a personality that speaks to me simply because our genders don't match; that's not interesting to me and it feels far too close to gender essentialism for my comfort. And if you do for whatever reason want to watch actual play that only has female PCs, that is your choice to make...but you then need to find that show instead of being mad that there are men on the show with five men and three women in the main cast.

[somethinginworl]

🤍💔🖤 for kirby

Huzzah! Why thank you anon for letting me ramble about them!

🤍 "what are three of your oc's neutral/questionable traits?"

They don't have much empathy if any at all (No this does not inherently make him someone dangerous thankyouverymuch-), but they do try their best at understanding people, and getting in their shoes but this also means that sometimes they come across as very uncaring when in reality they just don't really understand how to react to the situation.

He might also prioritize playing and fooling around before his own responsibility. While this is okay for being able to cheering up people, this means that he can just neglect everything else that doesn't bring them joy/isn't hurting his friends.

Also, his innocent and childlike nature can sometimes make him susceptible to manipulation or deception. He may trust others too easily or fail to recognize ulterior motives, putting everyone at risk (Looking at you, Marx and Magolor…). He most of the time just assumes that everyone has good intentions, even if it's obvious that it's otherwise.

💔 "what are three of your oc's negative traits?"

Can you really have a superiority complex if you're a god among people? Either way, Kirby kinda sees most people as below him, not necessarily as people he doesn't care about, but more like pets that need his help and protection to survive, in exchange for their companionship and being fun to play with. This kinda ties in with his naivety he just doesn't assume people would genuinely want to hurt him, I mean do you expect your pet to manipulate you beyond making you feel sad for treats?

Also, for all their playful personality and their need for entertainment, they're a very sore loser. Kirby is a strong guy, and being a loser is no fun, so you're a cheater! Oh, you surely must be cheating, or at least that's what Kirby assumes every time. They did not take Dream Course very well I'll tell you that.

He can also have problems with boundaries and impatience, at first he just saw most people as toys (In his defense there's not much else to assume when you just pop out in the sky as an Eldritch God of Fun) and thus thought they'd all just be available 24/7 to play and such, but that is not the case and he grows frustrated when people don't pay attention to him (He also thinks that people can be just fixed like toys if they take any damage), kinda like your average child but he's all-powerful.

Now take in mind that all of this is mostly at the beginning of the whole story, and they learn more and more after ye good old character development.

🖤 "has your oc killed or seriously wounded anyone before? have they broken someone's heart and/or broken someone's trust?"

Beyond their enemies? Mmmmh... Well, I can't quite spill the beans just yet, but let's just say that thinking that people can be easily fixed and being all-powerful with the sole purpose to have as much fun as you can for survival purposes is not a good combination...

[noturachyls]

Lemme just vent because my dad wouldn't understand

My dad is the most wonderful dad in the world. Every child feels that way towards their dad and so do I. He would fulfill my wishes and give me things which I never asked for but still surprise me with them. It's just such a wonderful bond.  He always motivated me to work harder and always wants me to smile. I totally love him.

But from quite some time, I feel disconnected from him. Sometimes, I don't understand him. Sometimes, he doesn't understand me. God, it's so frustrating.

Ever since my brother has started to play cricket and told us he wants to pursue his career in it, my dad, being the most supportive dad in the world, has been helping and supporting my brother in every way. I'm very happy, at least my brother has his priorities set at the age of 9. When I was 9, all I could think was if I ate watermelon seeds, a tree might grow in my stomach lol.

But because of all this, me and my dad, we've become quite distant. We don't talk as much (not that we would talk much before all this but now it's just awkward). I feel uncomfortable to be with him. Even if he talks to me, it's always about my studies and my exams. As if I don't have a life outside of these. 

His very presence just makes me feel inferior. His gaze is what I despise the most. It's like a king looking down upon his slaves. I know I'm exaggerating it, but to me it feels that way.

I wish he would talk to me about my day, not just lecture me about using my phone all day. I mean yes I do, but I'm not texting anyone. I don't even have real friends.

That's what makes me hate home AND school. I don't have real friends. I've already seen the true intentions of people quite many times and I don't think I wanna make more friends. At least not close friends. Every time I try to do so, they just end up excluding and hurting me so why bother now.  I can't share how I feel to my parents without feeling guilty (I don't even know why, I just feel like I'm doing wrong by being sad when my parents try to keep me happy. But is that my fault?). I can't share it to any friend. Guess I'll just keep it bottled up. As if anyone would care. No one does. I'm nothing but an extension to my family and my "friends". Even if I wasn't there, everything would function normally. 

I still feel like I wanna write more but I'll just end it here. I can just go on and on and then it'll be really boring. It already is but NOT LIKE YOU WOULD READ THIS AS WELL.

~achlys

[invisibleicewands]

BBC One’s Best Interests captures the horror of parental grief

When does Jack Thorne sleep? When does he eat? Right now, he has plays on at both the National Theatre (The Motive and the Cue, about John Gielgud’s 1964 Broadway production of Hamlet starring Richard Burton), and the Donmar Warehouse (When Winston Went to War with the Wireless, about Churchill and the BBC); a new series, Best Interests, beginning on BBC One, which I’m about to review for you; and an adaptation of William Golding’s novel Lord of the Flies, also for television, firmly under way. Speaking as something of a Stakhanovite myself – I write this from the spike on which I begin sitting every morning at 9am sharp, Protestant to my very buttocks – his output amazes me. And it’s not as if he’s knocking out gentle comedies. Everything he does is potentially hazardous, its subject matter thorny and contested.

Best Interests stars Sharon Horgan and Michael Sheen as the parents of a severely disabled child who is lying in a hospital, unconscious and attached to many machines. Her doctors believe her latest crisis has resulted in brain damage, that no future treatment is likely to be effective in her case, and that she will never be able to go home. They would like her care to be palliative. Her mother, Nicci (Horgan), however, refuses to accept this. When the series begins, we see her arriving at a courtroom, where she will fight the hospital’s decision on legal grounds. But we also see that she is alone. Her husband, Andrew (Sheen), turns up separately, looking exhausted, lost and sad.

The first half of the series is told in flashback, as we find out how the couple got here. I think, perhaps, that Thorne has made Nicci and Andrew just a little too saintly as parents – in the better times, before their daughter Marnie (brilliantly played by Niamh Moriarty) suffered this crisis – and it seems unlikely to me that a couple who are carers would be so frisky as to attempt sex in the loo of a train. But everything else feels just right. I admire particularly the attention Thorne gives to their other daughter, Katie (Alison Oliver), whom they inadvertently (and sometimes not so inadvertently) neglect, so taken up are they by Marnie’s needs. It’s beautifully done, the quietness of Katie’s rebellion; the way her protests are always stymied by the whole family’s fear and guilt over Marnie.

I read one review that insisted Best Interests is “even-handed”, which makes it sound more like a school ethics lesson than an involving drama. But I don’t think this is so – which is why, in the end, it works for me. As Marnie’s health deteriorates, and the hospital brings in mediators, Nicci is visited by the blank-faced representative of some Christian right-to-life group, which feeds her untruths and offers to fund her legal battle. Thanks to this, a kind of madness besets her. If its real engine is her grief – and Horgan makes us feel that it is – the fuel on which it’s running day to day has to do with delusion; she has been preyed upon.

Horgan and Sheen are magnificent in their roles, fully inhabiting their characters. Sometimes we like them, and sometimes we really don’t, which is as it should be. Horgan gives Nicci a fierce distractedness that comes to exclude everyone and everything save for Marnie. Sheen makes Andrew, who is kind and patient, resilient at first, and then painfully isolated. When his frustration – and horror, for he cannot bear his child to be in pain – finally breaks through, it makes emotional sense, as if it’s the end of something rather than its beginning.

I hope Sheen takes note of this: my admiration of him in this series; the complete suspension of my disbelief. A few days ago, in an interview, he spoke about who should be allowed to play what. He said he did not really believe it when non-Welsh actors played Welsh characters. Also, that most actors are not able convincingly to play a social class different to their own. Personally, I think this is a bit silly. But the best argument in his case is probably simply to tell him that I was moved and convinced by his role as the parent of a dying child. And wasn’t it more of a stretch by far than Tony Blair’s evangelistic estuary, Brian Clough’s snarling Smoggie?

[maleficore]

(Oc & creator questions!)

7, 10, 23, 27

F, G

Hohoho strap in (this is obv about Jesse, for those who are just joining us)

What triggers nostalgia for them, most often? Do they enjoy that feeling? I would say… calmness? When things are slow and there's not much to worry about. Stuff like quiet nights around the campfire, going on pointless rides etc. It reminds him of childhood and being back home, but he does not enjoy it. Not with all of it having been ripped away from him as forcefully as it was. It might feel nice, however the thoughts that come later are not.

What lie do they most frequently remember telling? Does it haunt them? Oh definitely the one where when asked by one of his brothers (the wording different) "Are you a queer?" he said "No." and it does haunt the absolute shit out of him. It's very much not a "I wish I said the truth" thing, though. It's more the entire situation surrounding the lie that is a massive motivator for the way that he acts and the way that he does, in a negative way. A bit not what the question is about, I guess, but he really is not a liar so I don't have much else…

How does envy manifest itself in them (they take what they want, they become resentful, etc)? Take what he wants? Hell no, he's totally the opposite type of person. He won't take shit unless he's explicitly allowed to take it or told to steal it (he's an outlaw after all lol even if only out of necessity). Resentful, though… totally. He can be a little bitch when things that he wants are unattainable. Especially after he's gotten older and starts to feel a bit like he's just… owed some of them? For the shitty life he's had? Still he'd rather seethe in silence than do something about it. He's not a risk taker unless he has to and stealing taking what you want is always risky.

What causes them to feel dread? Better question would be what doesn't lmao Since in modern times he would definitely be considered to have some sort of an anxiety disorder (just like me wahoo) -- he's always on his toes, anticipating the worst possible outcome. I'd go as far as to say dread sparsely leaves him.

What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)? Excitement!! I get so freaking giddy when I think of my silly little cowboy… Sadness sometimes too, because his story is tragic and fucked up, but it's that enjoyable type.

What trait of theirs bothers you the most? I'm gonna take this in a "if I met him" way because I'm in full control of his personality and actions so if something actually bothered me, I'd just change it 😅 In that case the answer is: that he's a pussy. It's not that he's not brave, a coward that would rather hide away from the danger than to jump into action. I'm talking more inter-personally, emotionally. If you read any of the stuff I wrote about him, you know what I mean. If he were my bestie, just hearing him talk about his life and relationships would make me want to beat the shit out of him.

[shallowseeker]

Sam & Jack + SPN parenting moments

I've been thinking about Jack & Sam and their parenting dynamic. Are there some great moments you like? Here are some of mine! These are some notes for me to come back to:

(below cut)

///

Molding Jack

It's like a seesaw. Throughout Sam's parenting arc, he will struggle between allowing too much independence and guiding/molding. Sometimes, he pulls away when he shouldn't. Sometimes, he cloaks his control in a mission or training. Sam professes to Donatello to want to mold Jack the right way (13x02). Donatello seems a little dubious of the phrasing:

SAM: He seems to have a real attachment to his mom, but only kinda a fuzzy idea about his dad. And his mom, Kelly, was a really good person, so that makes me think Jack can be molded the right way. DONATELLO: Mm, molded. I hope you’re right.

Jack as lion + the unfortunate reality of his super strength (angels are LION-coded)

Jack as lion in terms of cosmic hierarchy. The significance of the lion in the Bible - tremendous significance - has to do with its stature as the king of beasts. Here, these are, symbolically, angels. God, Cas, and Jack are all grouped as lions here (13x02):

DONATELLO: Oh. Speaking not as a prophet but as a scientist, I don’t think teaching him is in the cards. It’s like asking a lion not to be a lion. SAM: (angrily) But this is not a lion! This is a human! DONATELLO: With a strong dose of God juice. DEAN: Okay, that’s it. I’m done, all right? ‘Cause he’s not God, he’s not Cas, he’s not Simba. He’s the friggin’ Devil! [When Dean turns to address JACK, he’s gone.]

Jack & Sam + training

A first, Sam does not outright reveal to Jack why they're working so hard at training.

The pencil could be viewed as metaphor for John's necessary training; it's also a motif of Sam as keeper of the books/Man of Letters.

In true Sam fashion, he is overanalyzing the situation , reading The Drama of the Gifted Child.

Even thought Dean is terrifying to Jack, murderously bearing down on him and threatening to kill him, Jack immediately responds well to his honesty. Because he can sense Sam's half-truths.

In fact, Sam doesn't reveal his actual motivation for training Jack until Dean accidentally reveals it during an argument.

Sam vs Lucifer: the custody showdown

The power struggle between Sam and Lucifer in Apocalypse!World is great

It's very frustrating when Lucifer communicates with and gets through to Jack easier than Sam can with regards to fighting Michael

Sam loves him more unconditionally, and Jack is tragically unaware of this at first

Yet, there's something dishonest in Sam solving the problem by leaving Lucifer behind in Apocalypse World and not telling Jack why; In the script, it shows Sam feeling unsettled by Jack's lost and sad expression

Sam is completely at sea when Jack goes off the deep end and misuses his powers. HOWEVER, Cas and Dean aren't caught as off-guard by this...

When Jack is choking and nearly straight up murdering a gas station worker and Sam just standing there like o_o while Cas and Dean actively try to subdue him

Cas immediately moves to discipline him

Dean immediately moves to discipline him

Both Dean & Cas have instincts to discipline and create firm boundaries (this includes how they mutually handle Claire)

Which makes them *feel* different as parents

Sam vs Lucifer: the custody showdown, part 2

According to Nick, Jack breaks Lucifer's heart by choosing humans

There's implication that Lucifer liked killing Maggie, but there's also some terminal implications that hunters also like hunting; implications for cosmic hierarchy & moral relativism are high, even revisited with Dumah

Lucifer concludes that Jack is closer to HIS position in the cosmic hierarchy, and in some ways, he is right about that

THEN we get this great showdown where Sam protects Jack from Lucifer and urges Jack to kill him instead; themes of altruism; martyrdom

It's a great Sam moment!

Sam & Jack + loss of Jack's powers

Sam accidentally ignores Jack a little bit after he loses his powers and Dean goes missing

He's also a workaholic (Cas, too), but Cas actively apologizes once he realizes

This probably feels like whiplash to Jack, who was heavily relied-upon by Sam when Mary was missing in AU Earth

Sam does not trust himself to wield Hell power as boy-king; "there will be no new king of Hell!"

BUT he later yields and accepts that power in a morally dubious Queen (Rowena). Interesting!

He also trusts raw, godly power and the fate of the universe to Jack himself; to the heir of Lucifer, better molded

Sam again ignores Jack ("dumps him on Cas") and turning into a workaholic when the AU hunters are killed, even though Jack had burned off his soul and suffered a grave injury, Sam is too wrapped up in his own grief to notice!

Cas & Dean are forced to work in tandem, juggling Sam and Jack's plight between the two of them, and ignoring Dean's own Michael trauma

Again, Sam wants to "check out" by disappearing into Charming Acres; references to margaritas

Terminal seasons Sam & Jack

Clearly, no one warned Mary about Jack's soul issue. It may not have mattered, because she fought a war with Jack and trusts him; as she says DO IT in game night with a steely devil-may-care attitude; it's called out in the script that "even if she knew, she'd still have chosen the mission"

Jack is lion-(angel)-coded again when he's proud at the way he killed Nick

And yet Mary is not wrong...overkill is a psychological sign to look out for in battle conditions / soldier families

Tragically, Jack blames Mary for her own death

Sam dissociates and is paralyzed by these tragedies, and just spends a lot of time standing around and watching things unfold until it reaches a fever-pitch level of bad

When Jack ascends to Heaven and takes on missions with Dumah, Jack remarks that being and angel is nice because "purifying is kinda like hunting" on a higher level

This again affirms Jack's natural place in the cosmic hierarchy; the tensions and implications for for humans-are-to-angels as monsters-are-to-humans

They're ALL willing to put Jack in a kind of box, as delaying tactic or devastating defeat; Sam being willing to put Jack in the Ma'lak box (as was Dean), and as was Cas wants to study the cage in the back half of Moriah

Sam dissociates from Mary's death

The weird "I killed Mary, too, by being born" echo

Jack deciding to readily accept death as payment for his crimes

Sam dissociating from Belphagor

Sam killing Rowena, being unwilling to process and "can't even breathe" about it all

Sam + distracting himself from Jack's death and trials

Arguably, Dean is having a much bigger outward reaction to Jack's death and Cas's leaving

Because Sam distracts himself

In Golden Time; Sam starts throwing himself into the Eileen stuff, again references to margaritas and hazy goldenness; not "checking out" exactly because he and Eileen certainly have a moment where it crashes into something more real and difficult; but it STARTS that way

It starts as another of Sam's "checking out of life" tendencies

In the Trap, the horror at seeing Eileen so easily puppeted

Despite misgivings, Sam is still going along with Death's plan and getting behind Jack's apparent cannibalism

- Sam: "You're the only one who can (save the world)" sometime in season 15

- Jack alternatingly referring to Winchesters as fathers but post-soul bomb as friends, showing he's distancing from them

- Sam: "Sacrificing yourself is brave but I don't like it." This is Sam being faced with grayness; that being a parent can't be all about independence! It's also an echo of Sam throwing himself into Hell, the Hell trials, and how strangely acquiescent everyone was about Dean's Amara soul bomb

- Sam starting to cotton on to "we don't have a choice" issues in the narrative as bad things

- Sam giving up hope in The Trap; Sam giving up hope again in Inherit the Earth (and Dean and Jack try to keep him going)

- Sam ultimately choosing sacrificing Jack to Destiny, Power, and Duty in 15x19 (sons get sacrificed to war, for glory in besting the enemy, and they don't come home)

---

Bonus! Sam's struggles with Claire in terms of allowing independence but needing boundaries to keep her safe

Bonus! Magda's shame and purifying herself through pain and punishment