#but somehow that's wrong too because you're not supposed to make peace w that are you. you're SUPPOSED to want to do it right
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bookshelfdreams · 1 year ago
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#just saw that tweet abt pink days on the set of the barbie movie & i think it made me realize why it - the marketing etc - annoys me so#'margot robbie went around collecting fines and donated them to charity haha' okay. look.#that's just the perfect metaphor for how it worked for us - me - anyone who wants to align themselves with me - when we were girls#isn't it#because you grow up and you desperately want to fit in with the other girls but you don't & you don't know why#but you're surrounded by things and people telling you what a normal girl is like & little-to-none of it is things you find appealing or#interesting. makeup and fashion and skin care. gymnastics and romance. you're told that you are obligated to be pretty#but prettiness has never been part of your perception of yourself. femininity is an arcane concept#an exclusive club that will never grant you entrance#& the only comfort you can give yourself is deciding that it's dumb anyway. shallow. vain. who cares about looks and boys and all of that#idiots that's who#but this is Doing It Wrong too isn't it? because now everyone who has taught you that you will forever fail at femininity turns around#& tells you that's patriarchal oppression and YOU'RE the bad one by distancing yourself from something that always made you feel defective#'YOU may have never lived up to this impossible standard of perfection but some ppl do and actually it's fine to be like that!#hyperfeminine traditionally beautiful women are the most oppressed group of all & finally we will stand up for our rights!'#'girls can be pretty AND conpetent' but that's not what they're actually saying. isn't it.#because performing femininity correctly is the prerequisite. a threshold you can never cross and you know that. & that's fine#but somehow that's wrong too because you're not supposed to make peace w that are you. you're SUPPOSED to want to do it right#even if you don't and never have and never will#and once again everyone is yelling at you that this club isn't meant for you. if you criticize the barbie movie you're antifeminist#if you refuse to wear pink I'll make you pay a fine#hashtag girlpower#(well im not a girl. not a guy either. and not a secret third thing. just bad at femininity.#bad at being a person. and y'all don't need to tell me you don't want me in your club#I've always known that. i just wish you'd stop expecting me to beg for entrance.)
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zuffer-weird-girl · 4 years ago
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Soulmate Au
Before you meet your soulmate you have to deal with a chibi version of them before actually meeting them. So can you handle it?
Hawks point of view
A/n: finally I kicked the sloth aside and wrote this...
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Soulmates weren't a good thing... that was at least what your mother told you.
Soulmates crushed your heart. Not all soulmates accept their own ones with kind hearts and cozy and loveable chibis... Your mother fell for your father, a loveable chibi who appeared in her life, everything was fine until... your birth.
Your father's chibi was cold and uncaring about the baby. The fruit of your mother's unconditional love from him. And with what he returned? Bullshit.
They got separated. They never once married, and the chibis ran away from their owner... never appearing again.
Your father and mother shared your custody even though you pass more time with your mother and the mom of your dad.
"I hope you never get a soulmate (Y/n)." Your mother spoke as she carresed your hair, hate evident on her words as she comforted your crying self due to some hurtful thing your father had said to you.
"W-why not mama?" You sniffled as she wiped your tears with a frown.
"They can hurt you as badly as some knife on your chest sweety. If you happen to have a soulmate, promise me you will not put your heart on their hands, dont give yourself away for the cuteness of some chibi. It may not be real."
That was when you started to have a fear towards the cute things...
.
.
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You walked around your school, seing all of your classmates cheering or talking about their chibis. Some on their shoulders, others on the top of their heads...
You grimaced. You felt... left out. Despite your fear to getting one, how you wished to find your soulmate... just hoping that you didn't ended up like your mother... or worse, like him.
You had affection towards your dad for a while... but as the years passed by, you noticed how his "play" was more of hurtful words. The man only cared about himself and his money... yet you couldn't leave.
You felt like a bird on a cage.
Sighing, you sitted on a bench... alone. Picking your art supplies as you started to doodle on your notebook. You hummed a song while the pencil on your hand leaved trails of graffiti before smilling at the sound of birds chirping.
Something felt on your notebook then... you let out a confused sound at the thing.. a drop of some red fluid. You looked up and frowned before you went to brush your hair before gasping at noticing it was YOUR blood which had fell.
"W-What?!" You whimpered, now the pain starting to manifest as you hissed. It was like a knife had cutted your skin! And gosh, how it hurted...
Grabbing your things and rushing to the bathroom you didn't noticed something entering your backpack... you wiped at the blood and sighed.
"I will have to go to the enfermary... but what will I tell the nurse?! Suddenly this appeared?! Urgh!" You hitted your forehead in the mirror with closed eyes, opening them slowly after.
Seing a blond and feathered chibi looking up at you. Your eyes widened and blinked to confirm it was real before it squeaked at you. You screamed and dropped in your butt, crawling your way until your back hitted the wall of the bathroom.
The chibi squeaked. A worried sound as he flew, getting closer and closer to you as you trembled.
"S-Stay back-!" You grabbed a ruler that felt and pointed at him, making him stop on his flying as he arched one of his eyebrows and let out a giggle..
Sure, you would laugh as well if someone pointed a ruler to you as if it was a weapon...
"Stay back! Go to your owner or something!" You shouted before he furrowed his eyebrows again, smile fading as he flew and dropped inches awya from you. It came out a soft squeaked, and somehow you could just feel it was like a apology.
"I-Its okay. You just scared me appearing out of no where..." you hesitantly dropped the ruler back and hot on your knees, looking down at the chibi.
It had such messy hair... golden eyes, shining as bright as the sun, yet it carried a deep pain and some sorta of loneliness. You could certainly understand him...
"I'm sorry, did I scared you as well?" He shook his head as he pointed at his own cheek and squeaking at you. You touched the wound and got what he was supposed to say "I'm okay... didn't know where the heck I got from though..." you mumbled the last parts.
He squeaked at you again, opening his little wings and flying at the at the height of your eyes. Some little feather coming out and tickling your cheeks which you giggled a bit.
"So that's your quirk!" You giggled, the chibi letting out a yelp of glee of seing you smile as he did a black flip. "Okay okay, you're nice... Where are your soulmate though?" You tilted your head at it as he stopped and pointed at you.
Oh...
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.
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You caried it on the palms of your hands as if it was going to break it... get frowning at him for being so.... handsome and... too perfect.
Your mother's words echoed in your head as you entered your father's car and he drove you out of the school. He saw the chibi and started saying bullshit like "got a soulmate dolly? Heh!"
You ignored at his clearly fake smile and smiled at the chibi flying around your head and chirping and squealing. It reminded you of a bird!
Maybe... you could just trust your own soulmate?
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.
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"(L/n)-san!!! You are a life saver!" Your coworker moaned while holding onto the table as you finished your drawing.
"Sure."you giggled before signing it. Waiting a few minutes before you saw the puppy slowly coming out of the paper and jumping at the floor, shaking and barking cutely at your coworkers.
You snorted at hearing the sound of tiny hands clapping inside your jacket pocket. Birdbrain. The chibi always encouraging you of using your quirk.
"Thank you so much! My nephew then will get some ideas on what kind of dog he will want!" Your coworker chuckled at the puppy licking their cheek.
"It will be like this for at least four hours, but then they will return to the paper. Dont forget." You warned, allowing your birdbrain to flee as free as he wanted out of your pocket.
You smiled at him, opening your hand for him to sit on it. Such an ass, your soulmate was surely one of the most laziest man around.
It had passed years since he appeared on the bathroom for you. Yet you felt your guts twist in anxiety at only the thought of getting to know the actual male that was your soulmate...
Words of your mother ringed in your earbuds each time and your relationship with your father was no better than before. Now aparently he was trying to rebuild only because he knows he is getting old and needs help...
A strong crashing and sound of people shouting and crying made you break out of your thoughts. It all happened so fast. Endeavour, the top one hero crashed your window and if it wasn't for your chibi you squeaking loudly and pushing you out of the way you were going to get hitted.
A voice from another hero came up and for some reason the feathers of your chibi ruffled up as he widened his gold eyes up before you rushed out of the building along with him.
:we have to get out of here before this collapse on us!" You shouted as bird squeaked along as you helped some coworkers of yours along the way to get out.
.
.
.
You didn't stay up to watch the fight... you just wanted to get out and go home to where it was safe.
Yet your chibi completely disagree with that as he squeaked, flapped his wings... heck, even threw a chicken wing at your head.
Your birdbrain NEVER would throw a chicken wing away. Never. You come to notice his love for nuggets and other chicken related things like that at a young age, joking about him being a canibal.
You had enough when he just flew past your head when you were going to eat and pushe dyour head while pointing at the winfown
"Fine! You won!" You shouted, glaring at him when he made an action whose was almost shouting hallelujah, before getting out and him flying behind you.
.
.
.
The night was quite beautiful as you and your chibi walked, him rested on your shoulder as he smiled at looking at you.
It was peaceful before he jumped on his feet, his little wings wide open as his feathers ruffle up. Eyes sharp as a Hawk.
"You're okay? Birdy?" You asked in worry before gasping when he just flew like the speed of light away from you.
"BIRDY!" you shouted, running after him on the path of the park.
Shit! If you lost your chibi then you would never get to meet your soulmate! Tears started to form on your eyes as you searched for your chibi oi the dark of the night.
If you werent so anxious and stupid! You could meet your soulmate even if it wasn't for this stupid fear of having a relationship like your mom had!
Suddenly your heard distant squeaking, recognizing as you almost sobbed in relief and followed the sound. Noticing him flying back to you.
"You bird brain! How much did you wanted to-... to.." you stopped talking immediatly when you saw a tony version of you on his arms, smiling and cuddling up to his chest like it knew him for ages..
You blinked before hearing footsteps coming closer, and when you looked past the chibis your heart jumped before being shooted by an arrow.
The man in front of you, was no other than the actual version of your chibi. The number 2 ranking from the heroes. The man whose was know for being way too fast....
"H-Hawks..." you greeted shakily, not quite believing yet. Sure, your chibi reminded you of Hawks a lot, but... it seemed yet more intimate. More clingy and desperate for affection and actual love... You just put in your head that it was another man, with a similiar quirk and appearance as him.
Well, you were wrong. Hawks was indeed your soulmate.
He let out a chuckle at your gretting. His wide eyes and shock washed away with relief, smugness and... love, actual love on his eyes.
"Since we're soulmates, I guess you should at least call me Keigo..." he mused with a smile, taking his visor off to take a good look at you, frowning when his eyes were at the aim of the scar you had... the one whose mysteriously appeared on your skin many years ago before meeting your chibi.
"How long do you have this?" He asked, you felt your cheeks warming in self conscious at it. You never actually cared when other people asked but with him was another story...
"Since my childhood I guess... It was out of no where." You mumbled in embarrassment yet with a smile, praying mentally taht he take your mumble as a joke.
You widened your eyes when his hold brought you closer to him before he touched his forehead with yours, lovingly golden orbs staring at you with care and not a piece of judgement inside them.
"I like it chickadee." You snorted before a series of giggles escaped your lips at this, hounding quite hilarious that you also named your chibi something bird related.
"Chickadee? Really?" You asked breathless as he let out a raspy chuckle.
"Well, you did called the little fella over there birdbrain. Guess we're mates for life..." he mused with his husky voice as the chibis prefered to watch from afar on a nearby tree.
You smiled at him... somehow.. You just knew it this relationship with him was going to work. You were going to be, as he said, mates for life.
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wheeier · 4 years ago
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fearless
Warnings: pure fluff
based off of taylor swift’s song <3
steve harrington x henderson!reader
word count: 1.6k
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“this is the best celebration ever.”
you dressed up nicely, getting ready to hang out with your best friend, steve. he invited you to his house for a small celebration about him passing the test on english that you helped him study with. you glanced on the window, seeing the rain just stopped. droplets from the sky touching the glass, dripping down to the windowsill. you smiled to yourself-you always loved the rain. not the storm, just the rain. there's something in the rain you always love. it makes you feel calm and in peace. the way the ground seems like there's a glow off the pavement looks beautiful to you.
"y/n/n! steve's here!" you heard your mom called from downstairs who was watching a show on the television. you took your attention away from the window and headed out the room.
dustin noticed you as you went out of your bedroom, "y/n, where are you going?" he asks. "to steve's." you looked at him, giving him a small smile. "and you didn't tell me?" he asked in annoyance. "why? you already spent time with him for almost all week. it's my turn, bud. sorry." you shrugged and went downstairs, chuckling as you heard your brother curse.
you headed out of the house, grinning as you saw steve. "let's go?" he reaches for your hand and you gladly took it though you were absolutely flustered. you were glad he didn't notice. or did he?
both of you got inside his car quickly as the rain started to pour once again. steve shakes his head to dry his hair, brushing them with his fingers afterwards. a single motion of him that makes you want him more.
"someone's staring." he teases, taking you out of your trance. "shut up." you rolled your eyes as he chuckles in response.
you averted your eyes to the car window to watch the trees and houses passing by as he drives. the rain started pouring and a thought came to your mind. you always wanted to ask steve to dance in the rain, in the middle of nowhere. you always thought how romantic it looks in movies. maybe, just maybe, it wouldn't be so bad if steve gets to be your first kiss-in a very memorable way as the music plays in the car radio. in fact you would treasure that memory forever, only if it would actually happen.
you seemed to be too lost in your train of thoughts that you didn't notice that you have arrived in front of steve's house and didn't hear him ask you a question, until he lightly taps your shoulder as he calls your name.
"huh?" you turned your head to look at him, seeing his concerned eyes at you. "are you okay?"
"y-yeah. i'm..i'm okay." you gave him a nervous smile, avoiding his stare. "are you sure? you seem a little off today." he questioned, searching for your y/e/c eyes. "yeah. i was just thinking." without waiting for his response, an idea hit you. this is now or never. you thought. you looked on the radio and turned it on, 'can't fight this feeling' was playing.
steve was obviously confused and worried. when you opened the car door, he started to panic. "w-hey, w-what are you doing? y/n, it's raining! are you insane? y/n!" you ignored his protests and got out of the car, not caring about ruining your outfit. you walked towards his side of the car and opened the door, grin plastered on your face.
"come on! it's fun." you reached for his hand but he backed away a little, staring between your hand and your eyes. you rolled your eyes, smile not leaving your lips before pulling his hand, letting the rain touch his hair, and eventually his whole body. the man was blushing at this point, not sure if it's because of the cold weather or because of you.
steve stood frozen, clueless on what to do next while you're in the middle of the street, embracing the cold raindrops falling from the sky. you closed your eyes, enjoying the rain pouring down your face. it felt calming. like everything is finally in peace–for you at least.
you slowly fluttered your eyes open, only to see steve in front of you. your heart skipped a beat. he didn't say anything, a comfortable silence filling the air-despite of the rain pouring and touching the ground. he held your hand, pressing his lips on your knuckles gently. the corner of your lips turned up as he pushed some of your hair and tucked it under your ear.
his eyes were twinkling, as well as yours, particularly when he stepped closer, faces only inches away. to him you were the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. he remembers everything that had happened for the past years, how cool you are hitting the demodogs with a metal pole as he hits some with his nailed bat, how you kneed the russian doctor where the sun doesn't shine as much while saving him and robin-from that he already knew he fell hard. he loves everything about you. god, this man is in love with you.
and boy, so are you.
everything happened so fast, steve grabs the back of your neck, connecting his lips to yours.
you were taken aback for a second before melting into the kiss. your hands travelled to his shoulders then to his hair. you finally got to touch his luxurious locks. you smiled into the kiss at the thought of it. it felt like you were in cloud nine, everything was perfect. this was exactly how you wanted it to be. the rain. song playing on the radio. your first kiss. steve.
the kiss lasted a few more seconds before you both pulled away, catching your breaths as you smiled at each other, your arms remained around his nape while his were on your waist.
"i gotta say, it was impressive of you to not overreact about your hair getting wet." your teased. "if it isn't for you, then i would." you laughed at his words that seemed music to his ears. "dork."
cold breeze touched your skin as you ran inside his house. you both took a warm shower-seperately, him going first so he can look for clothes for you to wear as you took a shower.
you got out of the bathroom, wearing his large grey shirt and black sweatpants. he didn't notice you got out until you spoke. "hey steve, do you have a comb?" he averted his eyes from the magazine he randomly found under his bed to you. his mouth agaped at the sight of you in his clothes.
"stop looking at me like that," you chuckled as you walked towards the bed. you sat down beside him as he sets aside the magazine. he gives you the comb beside him, not tearing his eyes away from you. "thanks." you muttered before combing your hair.
steve lightly shakes his head, going back to his normal self. "i'm sorry about this by the way." you started as you placed the comb on his night stand. "sorry about?" he furrowed his eyebrows. "for ruining our celebration. we were supposed to be eating or maybe cooking right now if i didn't let you come with me in the rain." steve's expression softened as he heard your explaination.
"no, no, no, y/n. this is the best celebration ever. it's way better." he smiles at you, squeezing your hand reassuringly. "thank you." you said just above a whisper as you lied down beside him.
the rain had calmed down, but the cold weather remained as you wrap your arms around steve's waist, his arms around your back-keeping you warm. "you know i'm actually glad you did that," steve mumbled, breaking the comfortable silence. you hummed in response, looking up at him. "yeah. i wouldn't have known that you love me too and-"
you love me too.
his words echoed in your head. you shot up, eyeing him suspiciously. "what's wrong?" he asks. before you could answer, it hit him. "oh, i..no, i mean.." he struggled to get words out of his mouth meanwhile you chuckled, scooting closer back to him. he continued to stutter as you put your hands on his cheeks, "steve?"
one word made him silent.
"i love you too."
when he didn't say anything, you brought your lips to his. this time he was the one who was taken aback, before placing his hands on your nape, kissing back.
it went on for a few seconds, his hand travelling to your back as you straddled his lap and not breaking the kiss. "hey," you mumbled in between the kisses. "as much as i want this.." you placed your hands on his shoulders as he continued to shower kisses on your jaw.
"babe,"
you called, making him stop to look at you. "babe?" he repeats, somehow shocked. "what, you don't like it?" you questioned. "no, no, i was just..i didn't expect you to call me that." you both chuckled. "anyways, as i was saying, i wanna continue but i'm too tired. can we just cuddle until the rain stops?" he nodded and you got off his lap, laying your back on the bed beside him.
steve puts his arm around your shoulders, giving you more room to scoot closer to him. "i love you." you whispered while your eyes were closed. he was still not used to you saying those words, in a romantic way. his stomach would flip everytime you'd say it.
soon sleepiness took over you, steve's lips on your forehead were the last thing you remembered before drifting off.
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xlovelyyoongix · 4 years ago
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don’t leave me alone | ksj
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(I do not own this gif) 
summary: how were you supposed to say goodbye to the only man you ever loved?
pairing: Seokjin x f. Reader (ft. Yoongi)
warnings: zombie apocalypse, main character death, violence,  final goodbyes, blood, use of a gun, cursing, panicked reader, and panicked Yoongi.
Genre: heavy angst ( i’m so sorry for this...)
w/c: 2k ( one-shot )
a/n: so, instead of writing a warm and fuzzy holiday fic, I wrote this... wtf is wrong with me 😅? Anyways, huge thanks to @excusemin​ for being a sweetie and overlooking this and also crying with me 😭. Maybe make sure you have tissues before reading, yeah? I promise I’ll write a Jin fluff soon to make up for it. 💕
"Shit, shit, shit, SHIT!" Yoongi repeats with a dry throat, hands gripping onto Seokjin's shoulders to drag the older male's limp body into the room. "Close the fuckin door before they get in, Y/N!" he yells with a panic.
"Got it!" Ignoring the grunting of the undead chasing behind you, your hand slams the door shut the second you make it into the room. You make sure to lock the nob, but even that wasn't enough to keep the walking dead at bay; you need something big enough to barricade the door. Frantic, your eyes scan around the office-like room and spot a large desk that could be put to good use.
You sprint over, hands gripping at the metal of the desk but immediately met with the heavyweight of the object. "Y-Yoongi..." You grunt with clenched teeth, attempting to move the desk. "I can't move this on my own," you mutter in struggle.
"Can't you see I'm fuckin busy, Y/N!" Yoongi was never one to cuss or even raise his voice, but with the gravity of the situation, he panicked as he propped his best friend's body against a wall.  
Seokjin releases a sick cough, body wincing at the pain rippling throughout the damage of his legs. "I... I'm alright for now, Yoongi." His voice, weak as he struggles to speak. "Go help Y/N, please." Even being this close to death, Jin was still as polite as ever.
"Yeah, but..." Yoongi's eyes saddened as he gazed upon Seokjin's wounded state. His once flawless skin, now tainted with bloody cuts and purple bruises. Lips, formerly known for their pink, plush appearance now swallowed by a deep blue. It was clear Jin didn't have long to live, leaving no time for Yoongi to argue. "Fine," he releases a heavy breath. "I'll be right back."  
Following Seokjin's orders, Yoongi sprints towards you, assisting with pushing the heavy metal desk against the door to help keep the zombies outside.
With the task completed, your body lunges to your boyfriend's side. "Seokjinnie..." You whimper at the sight of color, leaving his precious face, and when your hand reaches to cup his cheek, you're met with skin as cold as ice. "A-are you in any pain?"  
Seokjin was definitely in pain, so much pain that his brain began to fog, making it hard for him to focus on anything other than the blood oozing injuries in both of his legs. "I... I'm fine, love." He lied, not wanting to make you worry more than you already have been. "All the blood leaving my body is starting to turn me numb." He grunts.
"Y-you'll be fine." Your breath staggers in your throat. "E-everything will be fine, baby," words rambling with a trembling lip. "We'll get you back to the compound, and the medics can look over your wounds and-"
"Listen, Y/N," The sudden power behind Seokjin's voice knocks you from your train of thought. "We both know I'm not making it outta here alive." Despite the grimness of his words', Jin somehow managed a smile as if coming to terms with his approaching demise. "I'll turn before we can even make it back to the compound."
You knew it was true. You knew that nothing could save your boyfriend at this point, but you refuse to believe it. "No, you're wrong!" You shout, a warm tear slipping down your cheek. "You're going to be alright, Jin! You just have to hang on! We can make it to the compound and-"
"Y/N, please" Seokjin's weak voice breaks your sentence. "I don't want to turn into one of them." His cold hand gives yours a comforting squeeze, wanting to feel the warmth of your lovely skin again before he leaves this world. "I don't want you to see me as one of them, so..." His darkening eyes rolled over to Yoongi, who was sitting at his right side. "Yoongi is going to shoot me."  
Your heart drops, jaw falling open from disbelief. "W-what?" Blood running cold as your body begins to tremble because he couldn't be serious, right? "No, absolutely not!" You protest in a frantic state. "We are going to take you back home-"  
"Y/N,..." Yoongi's eyes narrow towards you with a clenched jaw. "You know what happens after someone is bitten." He knows not to sugar coat it for you because the longer the two of you just sit there, the less time Seokjin has. "Don't make this harder on him."
Even though you hated it and didn't want to believe it, Yoongi was right. Seokjin was bitten, and the blood in his body was growing colder and colder by the second. "I... I know b-but," The whites of Jin's once dewy eyes become taken over by the virus, leaving them a deathly pitch black. "Don't leave me alone, Jin..." Your words, barely audible as your tears become potent. "I love you, I love you so much, and this hurts. I don't want to be without you..."
Using what strength he had left, Seokjin leans in for a kiss. His cold lips press onto the warmth of your own, basking in the serenity of your beauty. His thoughts start to wander, and he doesn't know if this is just his brain's way of coping with death, but he notices he's beginning to slip into a peaceful fantasy with you.
A fantasy where both of you stand in a lovely field of white flowers, the sun shining down so bright, your adorable face radiates and youthful glow that only enhanced all the beautiful features Seokjin loved about you.    
Standing tall, Seokjin places a loose strand of hair behind your ear. With eyes so big and your smile so bright, it melted him inside. It felt amazing, seeing you like this one final time, and Jin wished he could stay in this euphoric-like dream with you forever. A dream where he could use his strength to hold you, kiss you, and make love to you. However, the quick stabbing of reality begins to set in again, ripping him from his tranquil daydream.  
Seokjin slowly pulls away from the kiss, his thumb caressing across your cheek to help soothe your sadness. "I love you too, Y/N." He manages a smile, thankful for his short fantasy because now he has the strength to say goodbye. "I love you more than you could ever know, but please..." Jin's thick brows crinkling together, gulping in the air around him, preparing for what was next. "Let me leave this world while I'm still human. While I'm still the man, you love."
You don't want to believe it. You want to say no and drag Seokjin back to the compound and force someone, anyone, to save him because you can't imagine the man you love gone from this world so soon. But, no matter how much you wanted to change his fate, Seokjin was already destined to die this way. "O...Okay." You whimper, teeth gnawing at your lip to hold back any words of protest. Leaning in, you place one final kiss across Jin's cold lips before looking at your friend. "Yoongi..." And for the first time ever, you saw Yoongi's tears.
Yoongi's body trembled with despair, the gun shaking in his hand at the very thought of having to end his best friend's life. He's done it before, killed someone. It's nearly impossible to survive through the apocalypse without having to do so, but he'd never thought he'd have to use a bullet on someone that he loved.    
"Brother," Seokjin's voice creeps in slowly, placing a hand over Yoongi's shivering one. "It's going to be alright." He manages a weak smile, looking up at his dearest friend. "We've had fun together, right?"
A breathy chuckle vibrates from Yoongi's throat as he remembers all the eventful times spent with Seokjin. Friends as teenagers, graduating from college and becoming roommates as the two struggled to find their place in the corporate world. Every laugh, every smile, all of it flashing before Yoongi's eyes. "Yeah, we had a shit ton of fun, hyung." Yoongi laughs, rubbing tears out the corner of his eyes.
"So don't cry for me. I've lived a good life." A smile stretched across Seokjin's face, but he couldn't fool the fact that he was in pain. "I need you to stay strong and look after Y/N." His weak hand, gripping tightly onto Yoongi's. "Can you do that for me ?"
Yoongi rapidly nods his head in agreement, "I will. I'll look after her for you, hyung." Voice cracking in the back of his throat.
"Good." Seokjin grips the barrel of Yoongi's gun, guiding the weapon to be placed against the temple of his head. "I can feel it. I won't last much longer." Taking hold of your hand, Jin takes a deep breath to ease the anxiety rippling throughout his body. "I'm ready," he said, coming to terms with his inevitable end.
Yoongi's somber orbs glide to yours, grabbing your attention. "Close your eyes, Y/N. You shouldn't watch this part." Since the beginning of the zombie apocalypse, you've seen plenty of death, but Yoongi knows this will be the death that haunts your dreams at night.
There was no time to object or whine. Despite the growing ache in your heart, you had to let Seokjin pass on the way he wanted. "Okay," Your lips tremble, giving Jin one final glance before your lashes flutter shut.
Gun shaking in his hand, Yoongi attempts to let his mind fall blank, fearing if he over-thought it, he wouldn't be able to follow through with Seokjin's final wish. He takes an anxious bite of his lip, finger seconds from the trigger, waiting for Jin's signal.  
Closing his eyes, Seokjin grips onto your hand as tight as he possibly could. Of course, he was scared, and of course, he didn't want to leave you but, he'd rather die a man than turn into one of them. Taking a deep final breath, Jin nods, giving Yoongi the confirmation that he was ready.
BANG
The loud sound of the bullet echoed throughout the air. Maroon blood splattering across the office wall as Seokjin's hand grew limp in yours. Your lashes flicker open to the discovery of your boyfriend's body now slack and lifeless. "S-Seokjinnie...?" Your weak voice calls, but when he doesn't respond, a tsunami of anguish crashes over you. You can't catch your breath, your chest begins to tighten, and hot tears run down your face, streaming heavier than ever before. "NO!"
Before your body could collapse, Yoongi catches you from behind, pulling you in between his legs to cradle your sobbing body into his chest. He wants to tell you not to cry, that Seokjin wouldn't want you to be sad, but Yoongi couldn't even stop his own tears from falling. The only thing his weak body was capable of doing was stroking your hair as he rocked you in his arms, his mourning tears sliding onto the top of your head.
Eventually, the two of you would leave the building. You'd take your rage out on the zombies and let your bullets rip through their bodies as you escape back to the compound, but right now the two of you were too weak with grief. Only capable of clenching onto one another as you allow the hot sting of your tears to burn your eyes.
You would cry, and cry, and cry until you physically couldn't cry anymore...
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bandblogging · 5 years ago
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Let Me Down Slow (Calum Hood imagine)
Pairing: Calum Hood x reader
Words: 2.2k
Requested: yes @yessii-i asked (short version): "a fic based on the song “Let Me Down Slow” by New Hope Club were the reader and Cal are best friends and the reader is in love w/ him and starts acting weird so he confronts them and when they confess he doesn’t reciprocate their feelings."
Summary: basically the request
A/N: I feel like this could've been more angsty sorry.
Also this is based on the song Let me down slow by New Hope Club, check them out I did for this and they are genuinely really good!
___
Been on the point of giving up
For over a year and a half you had been able to keep your feelings down and to yourself but now you felt like you were at the point of breaking. Calum had been your best friend for almost four year but you still didn't know what his reaction would be. At first it had crept up on you, thinking about him more, wanting to spend more time together. Suddenly he looked even more attractive to you, something almost pulled you towards him. It took you a while to admit to yourself that you clearly had a crush on him and even longer to accept that you loved him. The last thing you needed was to ruin you friendship but you felt you wouldn't have a different choice for much longer.
If all is fair in war and love
Then why do we fight?
For a whole week now you hadn't talked or seen Calum, the longest time in your whole friendship. You couldn't bare the sight of him flirting with other girls or running after them. Last week had ended with a fight between you two, about something really stupid and unnecessary. It might have been about a TV show or something but you couldn't even remember, it had been that stupid. Those fights had become more frequent, often started by him, challenging something you had said.
'Cause we don't really talk about life no more
Tonight however you were seeing him again, there was a small get together at his place and surprisingly you were explicitly invited. He had texted you just that morning, breaking the silence and reminding you about it. A spark of hope grew in your heart and a grin formed on your face. Maybe there was still a chance that things would go back to how they used to be.
In the back of your head however you knew that you couldn't keep your feeling from him for long. You loved him and even though you didn't want to lose your friendship you didn't think that just being friends would work for you. You had practiced saying the words to him what felt like a hundred times in the mirror already but none of them felt right. Usually you could read him pretty well but thinking about his reaction you didn't have a clue. Maybe he was really good at hiding his own feelings and you weren't the only one feeling this way, but maybe not. He could just as well feel absolutely nothing for you and not want a friendship when he hears this.
The plan was to see how this evening would evolve and depending on the outcome you'd finally tell him. So you got ready and took a uber to his place. You recognized a few cars along the street and guessed that the place was already kinda crowded.
Your suspicions were right, the living room was full of people and you found Calum in the kitchen. You placed the snacks down on the table and went up to greet him. "Cal, how's it going?", you asked him and smiled. "Y/N, drinks are in the fridge-", he said but got interrupted by a friend of his. He didn't even smile at you when he disappeared with the other guy and left you alone in the kitchen.
When the night comes crawling, I'm holding on
You felt your throat close up and your heart dropped. He had immediately destroyed the little bit of hope you had left. You couldn't understand his action, couldn't wrap your head around it. You were the one with feelings, you should be the one to act weird not him.
The others were deep in conversation when you joined the living room and you looked for a place to sit down in peace. A few people threw some greetings towards you as you passed them and after a few short words you found an empty chair to sit in. You sipped on your drink, not really interested in getting drunk.
People came up to you and even though they were your friends you weren't in the mood to talk. There was just one person that you wanted to talk to but he was on the balcony, having a smoke and laughing with others. You felt yourself stare at him and tried to break your gaze but he still met your stare. You turned away quickly, embarrassed by his eyes boring into yours.
When you looked back most of the others were back inside and he was stood outside with a two girls, clearly flirting.
For something to change, tension to break
'Things aren't going to change' you whispered to yourself, looking into the bathroom mirror. You saw the dissapointment in your eyes and felt the knot came back in your throat, indicating tears. You swallowed hard, trying to think of something else. Somehow you managed to put on a smile and when you came out of the bathroom you fled into the next conversation you could find. The offered drink was a welcomed distraction and maybe getting drunk wasn't such a bad idea.
A couple of hours passed that way and Calum was at the very back of your mind, almost forgotten. You felt a bit tipsy, a certain confidence boost coming with it. You chatted with people you usually didn't talk much too and somehow ended in a conversation with someone you barely knew. He told you he was a friend of Luke's and that he didn't know many people, so you stayed with him for a while. It took you far too long to realize that he was flirting with you. Once you picked up on it you started to feel uncomfortable, you didn't want to lead him on. You excused yourself from the conversation quickly and made your way through the crow again. You bumped shoulders with someone and when you turned around to apologise it was Calum. "Oh, sorry", you muttered towards him but kept going.
There's something different in the way you look
You pushed your way through the people and went out onto the balcony. This wasn't you, you wouldn't usually act that dismissive of Calum but some part of you just did it. You leaned against the balustrade and stayed out there for a while. A couple people came outside too, smoking and chatting with you for a bit. Before they went back inside they said goodbye, mentioning that they were heading to a different party now. You wished them a good rest of the night and stared back into the dark backyard. You remembered nights were you stayed out there with Calum and looked at the stars, talking about stupid stuff and having a sleepover just like friends do. Back then you hadn't caught feelings yet and it had felt so innocent. Now you weren't sure if it would happen ever again.
A while later you turned around and for a second you were confused, the living room was pretty empty only a couple of people left. Most had probably gone to the same party. You wanted to push yourself off the balustrade and walk back in when you saw Calum. He had his armes wrapped around a girl, her sucking on his neck and surely leaving hickeys. You couldn't help but roll your eyes and look a bit disgusted. You were still shaking your head when Calum's eyes met yours and his blissful expression suddenly changed. He muttered something to the girl who begrudgingly let go of his neck and pulled away. He walked towards the balcony with an unamused expression. He shut the door behind him and you immediately knew this wasn't going to end well. "Honestly what the hell is going on with you?", he asked you and crossed his arms. "I don't know what you mean", you replied but didn't meet his gaze. "This isn't you, why are you acting like that", you could tell that he was annoyed. "I still don't know what you want from me, but honestly I can just leave that'll make it easier.", you threw towards him in a bratty tone and added a whispered, "can be me for once". "Lately you've been so-", he couldn't find the words and just huffed a few times, "-why Y/N?". "Why what? Goddammit Calum just tell me what bothers you, oh wait you don't want to talk to me", you crossed your arms too, copying him. He took a breath and took a step towards you. "Just tonight, you brushed me off multiple times, you left to some part of my home with some stranger and whenever I am with girls you look like you will murder them", he tried to keep his voice down but it wasn't working very well. "I am the one acting weird?", you asked outraged. "You didn't want to talk to me for a week and tonight you were the one that brushed me off. I thought we were supposed to be best friends.-", you took a deep breath, "-Also the guy, I literally showed him the bathroom and we talked in the hallway". You huffed and leaned back on the balustrade, staring at him. "You ignored my call the first time", he exclaimed but you quickly cut him off. "Because we were fighting, a fight you started by the way".
It was unusual for you two to fight and you didn't like it. This was the exact opposite of what you wanted to do with Calum but he had no right to talk to you like that. To you he was the one in the wrong, the one breaking your heart.
If you're gonna let me go
It's gonna hurt so choose your words
"Fighting? You remember how that started? You almost jumped a girl because you thought she was touching me without my consent even though I was clearly trying to hit that", he raised his voice. Remembering it made you wince quietly, jealousy really had struck you that night. "And now you again, why can't I make out with them. You don't have to choose them for me, I can do that myself. It's almost like you want to-", he suddenly stopped and looked at you, realising what was going on. 'Don't say it, don't say it', repeated in your head but he still went ahead. "-like you want that to be you", now Calum was the one staring at you.
There was silence, deafening silence. You didn't want to tell him this soon, not this way but now you didn't have another choice.
"Because that's exactly what I want Calum. Because I want to be the one that makes out with you.", you admitted and kept your head down. "I want to be the one you choose"
More silence, silence that was slowly breaking your heart. It was obvious now that he wasn't feeling the same and anticipating his words was hard.
Baby, let me down slow
"Y/N", his tone was apologetic and you swear you heard your heart break. "I'm sorry", he muttered out. The rest of your heart dropped and you felt your throat close up once again. This time however tears shot in your eyes and you could barely hold them back. You nodded your head in trance, waiting for him to say more.
When he didn't, you broke the silence. "I love you Calum, I can't just turn that off", your voice was shaking. He looked up and met your eyes. "I just don't", he whispered back. You let his words repeat in your mind a few times before the first tear fell.
If love is just a wicked game
Then why do we play?
You hated yourself for loving him. It was stupid, it was dumb. It only brought you heartache, you had a perfectly good friendship and you had to ruin it. Love had never been on your side and once again it was just there to hurt you. He stood in front of you, not moving, not saying anything. "I should leave", you manage to choke out and push yourself away from the railing. "Y/N", Calum's voice made another tear fall down but you knew this wasn't going to change anything.
If you're gonna let me go
It's gonna hurt so choose your words
"What does this mean?", he asked and stepped in your way. "It means that I love my best friend who doesn't love me back", your tone was bitter. He looked taken aback but didn't move. "For our friendship", he added. "For what's left of it?", you asked and a sad chuckle fell from you lips. "I don't know, nothing good I guess. I can't see you making out with girls, always wishing it was me", it was hard for you to admit but maybe this really was the end.
"Maybe we shouldn't see each other for a while then", Calum's words hit you hard, so hard because they were right. "Maybe", it was more of a whisper. You moved around him and went inside, keeping your head down, avoiding the others.
Once the front door had shut behind you you couldn't hold it together anymore. Tears started streaming down your face and you were shaken by sobs. The way home was long and usually you would take a taxi but you needed the fresh air. It was hard to breathe between the sobs, the lump in your throat not helping.
Baby, let me down, oh
Everything was taken from you in one night, your love, your heart, your best friend, your friends and now your breath.
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bookshelfdreams · 1 year ago
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#just saw that tweet abt pink days on the set of the barbie movie & i think it made me realize why it - the marketing etc - annoys me so#'margot robbie went around collecting fines and donated them to charity haha' okay. look.#that's just the perfect metaphor for how it worked for us - me - anyone who wants to align themselves with me - when we were girls#isn't it#because you grow up and you desperately want to fit in with the other girls but you don't & you don't know why#but you're surrounded by things and people telling you what a normal girl is like & little-to-none of it is things you find appealing or#interesting. makeup and fashion and skin care. gymnastics and romance. you're told that you are obligated to be pretty#but prettiness has never been part of your perception of yourself. femininity is an arcane concept#an exclusive club that will never grant you entrance#& the only comfort you can give yourself is deciding that it's dumb anyway. shallow. vain. who cares about looks and boys and all of that#idiots that's who#but this is Doing It Wrong too isn't it? because now everyone who has taught you that you will forever fail at femininity turns around#& tells you that's patriarchal oppression and YOU'RE the bad one by distancing yourself from something that always made you feel defective#'YOU may have never lived up to this impossible standard of perfection but some ppl do and actually it's fine to be like that!#hyperfeminine traditionally beautiful women are the most oppressed group of all & finally we will stand up for our rights!'#'girls can be pretty AND conpetent' but that's not what they're actually saying. isn't it.#because performing femininity correctly is the prerequisite. a threshold you can never cross and you know that. & that's fine#but somehow that's wrong too because you're not supposed to make peace w that are you. you're SUPPOSED to want to do it right#even if you don't and never have and never will#and once again everyone is yelling at you that this club isn't meant for you. if you criticize the barbie movie you're antifeminist#if you refuse to wear pink I'll make you pay a fine#hashtag girlpower#(well im not a girl. not a guy either. and not a secret third thing. just bad at femininity.#bad at being a person. and y'all don't need to tell me you don't want me in your club#I've always known that. i just wish you'd stop expecting me to beg for entrance.)
actually I'll say this out loud and I'll also say this:
like my brilliant friend @fearlessinger, I would prefer this to be a commercial. The problem isn't that the Barbie movie wants to sell you plastic garbage. The problem is that the Barbie movie seems to think it can be more, that it could have anything to say besides "buy doll". All it has done so far is make painfully obvious just how impossible that is.
If you don't wear metaphorical pink - don't perform femininity - a patriarchal society will penalize you. If you don't wear literal pink on the set of supposed feminist filmmaker Greta Gerwing, Margot Robbie will make you pay a literal fine, but it's ironic and for "charity" this time.
You can't be subversive when you're the mainstream and you can't be satire when you reinforce what you're supposed to satirize.
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