#but somehow music from p5r

[demonio-fleurs]

the spotify wrapped algorithm or whatever they use for it this year was horrible. there are songs that i know for a fact i listened to a lot that aren’t on there, but songs i listened to last year are ?????

[kekisu]

a very popular headcanon people have (i Think its popular. at least a lot of my twitter mutuals agreed with me a while back) is that joker comes from inaba, and if youve played p4 you know that theres literally nothing to do there

so a big headcanon that i used to be obsessed with is that he would spend a lot of his days skateboarding or biking around listening to music and exploring old dirt roads.. and he ended up getting a special interest in bugs and reptiles because hed come across so many during his little solo adventures. hes also very well versed in fishing its not a fixation or anything but just something hes pretty good at

this is why i tend to draw joker like some sort of skater boy. i think hes always stood out a lot in this small town even before the false assault charge, like he wasnt disliked or bullied but he just didnt really fit in. and this didnt bother him. i think he only realized how boring his life was when he became a phantom thief and got all these new friends in this new big city that understood him despite the circumstances that led him here. like man i really used to live like that and see nothing wrong with it? i didnt yearn for more?

it makes it even more painful when he has to leave and they naturally drift apart. because they all have dreams and ambitions, and the best years of their lives are waiting for them around the corner. but joker is back in this small town where theres nothing to do but hang out in some food court or poke around in the woods. i imagine this newfound loneliness is really hard on him, not to mention the guilt for feeling like hes somehow to blame for. well, whatever happened with goro

to me personally i think goro lived. i think he mustered up the perseverance to bite and claw his way out of shidos palace after seeing that even someone like him has a chance at being loved, he just didnt really remember this in marukis reality because it was all a blur. so both goro and joker were completely clueless as to what his fate would be if they went back to their true reality, which is what was so scary. the uncertainty. he could very well be dead but how could they know for sure? i just dont like the thought of him dying before he could truly live, even though i understand the tragedy of it can be poetic, i just cant stand for him going out like that because i relate a lot to his struggles. and i think it would go against the overall positive message of p5r. sure not everybody gets to have a second chance or a happy ending, but. man. anyways

joker fully believes goro is dead though. he wouldnt be crazy to assume this considering how they parted ways in shidos palace. but it eats away at him and maybe he really does go crazy. maybe his life feels like its stuck in time and while his old friends are out chasing their dreams, hes stuck. broken and shattered over feeling like he couldve done something to save him, knowing jokers savior/martyr complex

im running out of steam and i didnt mean to ramble on about my post-p5r headcanons but, to wrap it up: goro is in rehab somewhere and has a service dog to help with his dissociation and mood swings. and a couple other stuff. he feels like if he walks back into jokers life itll mess something up like joker will just break down or something. so he keeps his distance until they cross paths again. im just very obsessed with the idea of goro getting his life together vs joker wanting so badly to chase that high of phantom thievery again but failing and being actually so depressed

man morgana must be exhausted

[noblechaton]

I do like seeing your persona opinions, even if I don't agree with them haha (I didn't like persona 5 very much, and 3 is one of my favorite games). Im glad the remake got people into it, even if they prefer a different experience.

ay that's totally valid! I know a lot of folks swear by P3 and honestly that's what had me interested in Reload coming out - that and I found P5R to be genuinely one of the greatest experiences I've ever had with a game, so I figured the series was likely full of em lmao

and so far I've been proven right - there's a lot about P3R that I've really liked, even more so than with P5R in some cases, and I can already tell this is gonna be one that sticks with me just as P5R has, even if I doubt it'll overtake P5R for me overall (which will likely be down to, yanno, first time bias). I really like the more subdued feeling social links even if it makes some less interesting, how everyone comes together way sooner (nobody getting Haru'd is really nice lmao), how mysterious things feel throughout, and the game sorta feels a good bit more mature? almost more "realistic", somehow, more grounded, which is a fun difference

my main issues with the game really are just sorta pacing which I can forgive given this was kinda the "first" Persona game in a lotta ways and it's not really that bad anyway by and large, and I do wish there was a lil more to do given I've maxed out my social stats some 20-30 hours ago now and done most of the (new?) social stuff with SEES, meaning my nights in-game are kinda. vacant lmao. oh and I think Strega's been pretty disappointing to this end but I've heard that sentiment about P3 since before this version ever existed lmao

I do genuinely wanna experience one of the more original versions of the game tho, fwiw, just to see how different this version is from those; again, a lot of those who swear by 3 that I've encountered tend to hate this game for one reason or another, sometimes down to music or voice acting and other times for more specific reasons I don't look into since I dunno how the story goes lol

I'm definitely curious to see how things play out with FeMC at the lead if nothing else

[todayimgonnaplay]

Today I'm gonna play: Persona 3 Portable (PSP)

Just going to note that it's been 4 years since I last played this game so I have to incorporate my thoughts back then and now, as I've just finished the game. I know I said I have an RPG burnout previously, but I've been playing this one in between my other games. Anyways, long anecdote incoming!!

Knowing about this series' existence is a long story. When I was a kid, I remember browsing the RPG page of Wikipedia because I was a fan of Cloud from Final Fantasy 7, so I got to learn the genre that brought out all these fantastic characters with deep stories. I strongly remember this picture, where the protagonist is sitting on a desk and using the computer ''all day''. I didn't think much of it back then, but the picture was pretty prominent to me. And although there's a running joke that Persona players don't know or play their origin series, it was the opposite for me. I knew Shin Megami Tensei (SMT) first before Persona, through their MMORPG SMT: Imagine. I never got far with the game but I also loved MMORPGs too at the time. Fast forward years later where I'm studying for my final exams in high school, I often listened to music while writing my notes and doing past papers. Lo-Fi, City Pop and wave genres were growing at the time and they were useful for my studies. But I kept seeing this "Emotional Persona Music Mix (Study/Work)" playlist pop up in my recommendations, and I thought ''Ugh, fine. I'll play this so I can get rid of it.''. (Un)surprising to say, the soundtrack of this series slaps. Lots of good melodies to study to, but what caught my attention the most was the rainy version of Beneath The Mask. I loved the song SO much, that this was what convinced me to try the series. I wanted to try Persona 5, but I didn't have a PS3. My only option was to play Persona 3 Portable (P3P) on the PSP. With all of this occurring during exam season, I thought ''Hm, I'll just try this game out for a bit, and then I'll play after my exams.''. I was wrong. So. So. Wrong.

Somehow, I ended up spending my mornings until 10AM (my study time) just grinding and exploring what this game had to offer WHILE I had exams that literally played a role in what universities I could apply to. Needless to say, I aced those exams. So, playing Persona/listening to their OSTs = good grades?? However, at some point I reached near the endgame (where a certain male character joins the school), and the Persona 3 and 5 Dancing games were being revealed. I saw comments about ''Door-kun'' and ''Blue Jesus'' jokes and I thought ''Huh? Did I miss a joke in the game? Let me search them up.''. To this day I regret ever doing that. Little did I know that those jokes were actually gigantic spoilers... and that completely broke my interest in continuing forward. Life just felt meaningless (joking). To those who intend to play the any of the Persona 3 versions or the remake, PLEASE don't google what those terms are. I kept trying to force myself to play, but it didn't work. Until very recently when I started listening to the OST again, but this time the ones from the female protagonist (FemC), whom I never played. Somehow her tracks have this really weird sense of nostalgia of simpler, younger days... and that yet again, has convinced me to give the game another chance, but through the female route this time to catch up on the story, cause I forgot.

Ok! Anecdote done.

To this day, I'm not sure what exactly has captured my heart when it comes to Persona 3. I have recently tried Persona 5 Royal (P5R) and 4 Golden (P4G). But I couldn't stick with them after two bosses, because those two games definitely have better gameplay (especially 5), and admittedly character dynamics (in regards to 4). I deduced that Shuffle Time acts as a gambling mechanic that hooked me into constantly wanting EXP, weapons and money, as well as the urge to get to the top asap. I did feel the latter with 5 in a way when it came to exploring the palaces in 1-2 days. But if Persona was just about combat, I don't think I'd play this game as much as I actually am, especially in endgame as I grinded to get everything in preparation for the final boss. But rather, it's this unique feature of being able to live a proper double life as a regular person during the day (or high school student to be exact), and fighting creatures at night. It's the stuff you'd see as premises in cartoons, except you actually get to immerse yourself in this kind of life, which turns out to be very fun, and quite emotional too! You get to meet characters from all walks of life, hearing out their stories and problems, and creating potentially unbreakable bonds with them. And these aren't just filler like what other games typically do with NPCs, they actually influence your EXP bonus when you create new personas. Everything you do in the game has to be carefully planned, yet nothing feels like it's a waste of time. For a game that's really long, I feel it actually respects my time.

But, there is a disconnect that I've felt after catching up to the story via FemC and then moving to my original save file with the protagonist (will refer as MC). FemC's dialogue choices and relationships feel so much more natural than MC. I do recall liking Junpei, Ken, and Yukari when I first played, but that's because they generally have more screentime with MC as they're classmates. I even find NPCs like Maiko and Kenji memorable (but I don't remember the latter's story). But with FemC on the other hand, I started to love everyone I met! It felt like there were genuine bonds being made with the FemC. Going back to MC's save was a mental shock to be honest. His responses are more deadpan, which fits him. But the one thing that annoyed me the most was the forced romances in the game, which I completely forgot about. Focusing on social links ended up feeling like a harem that I never asked for. Generally speaking for both routes I find that the game's narrative tends to suffer with typical anime tropes that can be considered very weird to non-anime fans. Stuff like peeping on girls or thirsting for them, sticking to just one interest and making it their whole personality, odd romances involving age differences, constantly bullying the guy that has the ''dumb'' trope, and so on. Although I do understand this boils down to having a target audience as well as cultural differences. Luckily the game deals the serious parts quite well, and handles its recurring theme quite beautifully. To write about death is hard, because generally for people it is a hard thing to accept, and for a number of people, they see it as an answer to an end. Somehow this game has tackled both sides of fearing and wanting death, and yet coming to a beautiful conclusion that life is worth living, whether you feel it has a meaning or not. Because one's life will always mean something to someone, or something, in some way.

Combat-wise, I hear that Persona 3 is the most hated. At least when it comes to 3-5. People aren't really wrong about that, it is a very dated system that I would not like to see in a modern game. But I didn't find it as bad as what people said, probably because most of the changes occurred in this version, such as controlling party members. It is definitely grindy and repetitive, as you go through more than 200 randomly generated dungeon floors that look quite alike or not too striking, with only the endgame floors getting my attention. But like I said above, the game does reward you handsomely with items, EXP, and money through the use of Shuffle Time, so that made my entire experience bearable for me. I have heard that P3 (original and FES aka enhanced version) also has the worst shuffle time compared to 4 and I took a look at the footage, and I think I agree. Having cards shuffled very randomly while hiding them, to the extent that the player loses agency can cause a great deal of frustration. But it's good to see that Atlus takes feedback into consideration with their future titles.

In terms of music, it's great. Pretty much every track in the game is at least enjoyable, although I can't really gel with Deep Breath (but I like the remixes), it's just not my type. But it fits well as a boss theme, as well as the whole setting, so I give it credit for that. But they feel somewhat timeless, and I see myself reminiscing to these tracks for years to come (as I have been for the past 4 years). Another thing I really liked is the UI design. Although I was drawn to P5 for looking so stylish, Atlus really managed to make minimalism do the same. It's probably my favourite type of design in all of video games. Even though much of the presentation (and cutscenes) have been stripped down for this version, I still enjoyed seeing all the transitions and elements packed into a portable device.

The character designs does have that feel from the 2000s, especially with the emo cut the protagonist has. There's a nice use of contrasting colours with most of the female main cast that are potential love interests, while the male main cast stick a little closer to the blueness of the MC. It could be my bias for this being an old game, as I don't see these designs being as accommodating to everyone at this age in comparison to the series' latest entry. But I do hope that people will enjoy them anyways with the remake.

Phew, this was a long one! This game has really touched me overall and I think it's a game that I'll think about from time to time, even with the gripes I have. I did try 4 and 5 in between my 4 year gap, but the one I ended up gravitating to was this, and I'm glad it's the first I played and the first I finished. If this is how 4 and 5 also handle their respective themes, I may give them another try in the future! I will be checking FES' extended epilogue in the meantime.

Terms used exclusively in the game: Shuffle Time - An RNG mechanic involving the use of shuffling cards that can grant equipment, money, EXP, and other things. Social Links - A relationship system that acts as side stories for characters in the game, granting you an additional EXP bonus related to combat.

[artekai]

wait i'm curious now tell me more abt kaito 👀👀👀👀👀

You JUST missed the long-form Kaito essay I wrote king adsfdghjgh but here's the post if you wanna check it out <3 ^^ I went very into detail about Kai’s personality, his motivations, and his relationship with Takuto there, haha <3

THAT SAID... I DO realize I went on for FAR too long, so here's the tl;dr:

Kaito Maruki is the P5R version of my Horizon OC, Artekai. He's Takuto's fifteen year old son, he's a first year at Shujin, and he's a childhood friend of Sumi's. He's also an athlete, he's very into archery, hiking, and general gym stuff (idk don't ask me lmao), but some of his other hobbies include photography and music, specifically playing the drums. Personality-wise, he's very cheerful, energetic, and curious, but he can also come across as pushy, loud, and annoying. He's also very oblivious and trusting to a fault, so a lot of times he can't take the hint when other people are tired of him, which only adds to other people's perception of him as "weird" and "clingy."

I sound like I'm filling out a character sheet lol

Kai is very desperate for attention and companionship, and he has a bit of a fear of abandonment that can be traced back to the Rumi incident. In fact, he only got truly serious about working out after the break-in, because he wanted to be strong to be able to protect those around him... He's also insecure because he feels like he's constantly being overshadowed by his dad (Shujin's reaction to Takuto didn't help), and other people won't stop comparing the two of them (especially since they look so similar... rip), but, most of the time, he manages to hide his frustration behind a smile very well.

His relationship with Takuto is very complicated in general, partly because Kai resents the way that Takuto handled the aftermath of the Rumi incident, and partly because their philosophy in life is fundamentally different, since Kai sees difficulties in life as challenges to be overcome, and he thinks that the constant journey of self-improvement is what gives life meaning. Kai is also jealous, not only because Takuto seems to pay more attention to his research than to him, but because he keeps hearing about how much Takuto has helped everyone at Shujin, so it feels like he cares more about everyone else than about his own son... And he feels like he has been replaced by Akiren.

Kai is very lonely :(

Ultimately, though, he and Takuto still care a lot about each other. Even if Kai finally snaps in the third semester and says some cruel things about Takuto he doesn't mean, he very much wants his dad to be alive and well by the end of the whole ordeal. So that's why he needs to keep Akechi under vigilance, hehe.

Kai also crashes at Akechi's place during the third semester because he can't bear the sight of Takuto at the moment. He feels betrayed, like this is somehow confirmation of all of his worst fears, and he needs time away from home to process it... He and Takuto have quite a lot to work through as father and son </3

But it all turns out fine, I promise! ^^ Kai and Takuto finally have the honest heart-to-heart they’ve been needing for years, the Phantom Thieves successfully steal his heart, and the two of them get a chance to start over as a family! :D

[boypussydilf]

I posted 64,974 times in 2022

That's 46,793 more posts than 2021!

4,715 posts created (7%)

60,259 posts reblogged (93%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@chiisanalion

@nebulaleaf

@mothnoir

@doccywhomst

@waitineedaname

I tagged 14,070 of my posts in 2022

#basilposting - 4,719 posts

#deja q - 1,548 posts

#psychonauts - 593 posts

#p5 spoilers - 449 posts

#p5r spoilers - 364 posts

#p2lb - 229 posts

#basilask - 168 posts

#p5r - 168 posts

#long post - 148 posts

#mimi post - 121 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#someone in the tags said ‘we need music made by transmascs that isnt shit’ unfortunately that will not be me. im gonna make music thag sucks

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

compilation of akira and akechis whole deal. i dont really know what this is i started with a creative vision and it got away from me a bit

213 notes - Posted August 24, 2022

#4

hes bisexual. he constantly carries around the lighter his childhood friend gave him. he learned how to make realistic motorcycle & jet noises. hes transgender or afflicted with toxic masculinity or both. he death glares at children. he needs therapy. he deflects bullets with a sword. hes autistic. tatsuya suou. i said a name and he popped into your head didnt he

242 notes - Posted August 9, 2022

#3

hlvrai au where the science team and black mesa are completely normal and gordon still reacts to them all the same way. tommy says hes having leftovers from dinner and a smoothie for lunch and gordons still like whats wrong with that guy. the science team move cautiously through any potential danger and greet npcs with gentle kindness and gordon still yells stay away from the ropes!! and stop killing people!! benrey walks along with them on xen a completely normal dude and just as scared and confused as the rest of them and gordons still convinced hes the villain somehow. darnolds potion grows gordons hand back completely normal and he still goes oh GOD what is that that’s not my hand. etc etc

269 notes - Posted February 23, 2022

#2

sunkist the worlds first transgender dog

312 notes - Posted April 4, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

steven universe is so funny magic aliens are real and no one knows except this one random small town where everyones just like “yeah sometimes there’s weird giant monsters and stuff its whatever. we dont care as long as it doesnt disturb our lives”

624 notes - Posted March 10, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[mbtiofwhys]

MBTI and quarantine

How INFJ mod and ENFP mod are dealing with self distancing

Disclaimer: quarantine for us began roughly around the end of February, and we’re writing this at the end of April, so it’s been two whole months by now.

How have we been doing up until now?

INFJ mod: the first month went well, and with “well” I mean “bad”. As an introvert, social distancing shouldn’t affect me too much, right? Well, this is true and I suppose it’s a benefit I’ve experimented in the last weeks. It somehow helps me easing emotional pain and stress and this is undoubtedly an introvert perk. At the same time I’m a J. I need a certain amount of structure and order to plan ahead and organize my nearest future. I had a couple of exams during the first month of quarantine and it was stressful to deal with them in an emergency situation with lots of unforseen problems. So, how have I been doing up until now? I must admit that an unexpected emergency like this affected my emotional well-being, but i’m trying to stay positive and learn to adapt and take advantage of quarantine!

ENFP mod: the first weeks had been absolute hell, let me tell you. I lost my routine, I lost my friends, I couldn’t even go out for a walk and every plan I’d made crumbled. Staying home felt like prison, and not having a set routine anymore affected my mental order and productivity because I was no longer able to correctly prioritize things. However, I think being N and being P helped me getting used to quarantine while at the same time being able to at least pursue my main interests and hobbies (I play games, I write, I read, and so on). I’m doing far better now, between discord calls with friends and group projects for uni, I keep in touch with people, while the increased free time allows my sparkling Ne-Fi to focus more on personal projects, like this blog.

Working/studying at home 

INFJ mod: As I stated before, I’m a student. My university reacted well to the emergency and found countermeasures to compromise between a lack of lectures and the regular exams. Now I’m attending online lessons and the situation is far less stressful than it was until a month ago. I don’t have to underestimate this lack of pressure, because in a context where every day feels the same it’s easy to slack off and to lose track of time. From a more concrete standpoint I must admit how comfortable and suitable online lessons are, since i don’t have to spend hours commuting and I can save time.

ENFP mod: I study in the advertising field, so my lessons are more like labs and peer reviews than proper lectures - also, there’s a lot of group work. Quarantine affected all this very badly to put things lightly, and although I appreciate the effort my university put in providing online classes and reviews, things aren’t absolutely the same as before, and this is lowering my motivation overall. I also used to work part time in events and malls during weekends, so obviously I lost that one, too - what a life.

Alone time vs imposed isolation 

INFJ mod: Quarantine should be like heaven for an introvert, right? Here is the fact: I can stay at home for a week or even more without social interaction, but it will always be my choice to recharge my social batteries or to enjoy alone time. This is an entirely different situation. Imposed isolation feels exactly like what it is: a necessary imposition that I didn’t choose. So, even if I need alone time as an introvert, I really miss my friends and the simple things we can do like laughing together, talking about our lives and passions, seeing them smile or telling a joke, sharing emotions. Because as an INFJ my auxiliary Fe just NEEDS to share emotions, thoughts, experiences, fears and dreams with trusted friends. As a Fe user, I’m still managing to find healthy ways to express my feelings, and although quarantine is an unusual situation and there are more constraints, I can still stay in touch with my friend and try to use Fe in a positive way.

ENFP mod: People call us ENFPs ‘the most introverted of the extroverts’ and I can see why but truth is, the E is there and you can’t change that. Not attending classes is hard, and I miss even the smallest things of being outside - like listening to music while commuting or walking in the street and generally… feel the outer world? And even if I, too, need alone time sometimes, it’s different when it’s forced. But I got used to it in the end, so it’s not that bad anymore. Lots of reading, writing and playing games - thank God P5R came out at the end of March. I’m managing by sharing opinions and experiences with my friends - we can’t discuss how Makoto Niijima is the absolute best waifu of the P5 female cast in person, but we can do that via chat with fanworks.

Social distancing: real interaction vs digital interaction

INFJ mod: there is a huge difference between real and digital interaction. If we talk about how internet allows us to communicate and work or study at home, digital interactions surely are helpful and I’m really thankful to live in an era where I can stay in contact with my friends and even see them. At the same time, as a Fe user I find real interaction irreplaceable and from a more irrational and emotional standpoint I can’t compare the two. That being said, I really value digital interaction as substitute of real ones. It’ll always be welcomed, be it to study or to stay in touch with friends. I also must admit how digital interactions are an interesting compromise between alone and social time, a win-win for an introverted Fe user like me.

ENFP mod: I tend to be very touchy when it comes to the people I love so yeah, digital interaction isn’t the same thing. At the same time, none of my closest friends live in my city, and we often need to organize things a month prior to fit everyone schedule, so I’m at least used to not seeing them everyday. I also truly miss my classmates, with whom I used to go out after lessons and have fun. This isn’t obviously possible with Skype calls - and don’t get me started on how project works are harder to deliver like this.

Routine

INFJ mod: Maybe you’ll find it odd to read this from a J, but routines can really stress me out and I need small variation to my daily activities to relieve the fatigue. During this self imposed isolation I’m finding harder than usual to escape from routines.Yes, as a J I need structure and order to an extent. Yes, as a J I need time to adapt to new unexpected situations. What you may not know is that I also need ways to break free from strict and repetitive tasks. In my case, routines need to be a compromise between being mentally reassured by the presence of a certain amount of order and predictability and my aversion for repetitive tasks. Order and structure are subordinated to my desire for freedom. Freedom to create in an environment where I have time and space to envision what I want and how to do it, with my pace.

ENFP mod: I really struggled and I’m still struggling with routine. I don’t like routine per se, but it’s an external factor that gives structure to my life and helps me make the most of my free time while not losing track of my duties. Uni classes played the bigger role in this, and now that they’re online, the temptation of slacking off is really difficult to ignore. I keep my calendar updated and I make sure to be present and focused when needed, but I discovered I’m not well fit for smart working. To me, home is the place where I relax, rest and maybe study, but it certainly isn’t the place where I work. This conflict is what is giving me a hard time focusing on school projects, because if I’m home, the default mode is having fun. Also, I don’t have a sleep schedule anymore. I try my best every night, every night I get rejected.

Dealing with the inferior function

INFJ mod: I’m still working on my inferior Se and quarantine isn’t helping. As the inferior function, it usually takes me a while to even realize how much I’m falling into a Se grip or simply how much I’m not aware of Se. Self isolation amplifies those aspects and makes even harder to become conscious of unhealthy Se manifestations. Quarantine hasn’t stopped me to find a positive outlook in this situation and to learn from mistakes. At first I began to take a more concrete approach in daily life with simple actions. I live in a small town and I have green areas near my house, so I’m lucky enough to be able to spend some time in the nature and to experience it through the five senses. I’m also trying to become more aware of Se by being more present. This week I’m taking action and breaking vicious cycles of overthinking and self-doubt. Self isolation doesn’t allow me to experience life fully, so I’m taking advantage of the situation and I’m focusing those energies in concrete and meaningful actions, like writing on this blog or working on personal project involving creative writing. 

ENFP mod: inferior Si isn’t giving me a particularly hard time, surprisingly. I’ve experienced Si grip and I know what that means to me, but luckily that isn’t an issue now. I sometimes do things that require a more focused and detail-oriented approach: styling wigs for cosplay, trying on new make-ups, baking or cooking, observing what happens out of the window to write it down. They’re not “Si activities” by definition, but they are all things that require concentration, calm, methodical approach and that cannot be rushed - on contrary, sometimes I need to start from scratches and observe my mistakes in order to improve. These are all small things that help my Si stay present and not freaking out overthinking the past, brooding in regrets or yelling at me because I’m not living a structured life at the moment.

The risk of loops and grips

INFJ mod: this is partly tied to what I wrote in the section above: this unexpected emergency and the resulting self isolation produced stress and negative emotions. As an INFJ, my first reaction is to jump in the future and visualize possible scenarios. In this difficult times, I need to take a step back from my negative “what ifs” and to stay positive by building a better future for myself and others day by day, through simple and concrete action. Otherwise I only risk to slip into Se grips or Ni-Ti loops. As I stated before I’m already working on Se: it’s not easy, but I’m at least trying. Another piece of the puzzle is my auxiliary Fe:proper auxiliary function development is essential to avoid loops. As an INFJ, self isolation prevents me from reaching out to my friends as much as I desire, at the same time we can stay in touch through digital interactions and they are surely helping me relieving stress and preventing loops. 

ENFP mod: while the Si part is ok, I still seem to have problems with NeTe loop. I had some rough ten days in mid-March because I was so focused on the million projects I had to finish and how that was stressing me out that I practically lived for nothing else. I managed to stop that before it got worse by speaking with my colleagues and asking to slow down the pace, so that I could have some free time to spend without feeling guilty or unproductive. But I still need to be cautious about the loop.

Trying to use all the four functions (and other healthy coping mechanisms)

INFJ mod: ok, it’s time to sum up what I wrote in the last three sections. From an mbti perspective, I’m trying to find a balance between self reflection (Ni) and concrete actions (Se). Staying in the present, taking full responsibility for my actions,�� approaching life through simple and steady actions are all steps I follow every day to shift my locus of control to a more internal position. There are obviously setbacks and some days are far worse than others, but I’m trying to stay positive and find hope. Fe helps me to reach other people which is invaluable but sadly, as an introvert, doesn’t come naturally to me. It’s an healthy way to alleviate or completely avoid loops and to keep my heart warm. Ti, when not involved in a loop, allows me to give structure to what I find meaningful and to organize my thoughts. Ti is basically the backbone of what I envision through Ni. 

ENFP mod: although the first times were rough, I feel I managed to find a balance along the way - with some setback from time to time. My Ne is constantly active in brainstormings for uni and discussing fictional works with friends. I must check on what my Fi needs because I tend to endure stress way more than I should do, so every now and then I must ask myself if I’m fine, if I need to stop or if I truly, absolutely like what I’m working on and, if the answer is no, if it’s possible to discuss it with my project group. Te is very active (even too much, sometimes) and it’s the core of me managing school, blog and personal projects, often writing things down on a schedule in order to keep my mind clear and ordered. I may help my Si more by really trying to re-establish a routine, but honestly the P approach helped me very much in this months of uncertainty, so I think I’ll keep going on like this as long as I’m fine.

Thank you for reading this far! - the mods

[lokiarsene]

today’s super dramatic music post brought to you by this wardruna song that is most definitely the thematic heart of my akeshu fic, and i wanna share it because i want people to be emoTIONAL ABOUT IT WITH ME

English lyrics and a mini analysis under the Read More

The song’s title is “Joy.” Translation taken from here.

The ashes have fallen The earth grey and barren Sprouts spring from their grave Victorious they spring To their first day

I may not be big But my time on earth I shall use and I shall reach Into the blue sky Tears fall freely From joy and from sorrow For all that took place For all that gave place

For the sprout which flowers For the beating heart Tears fall freely From joy and from sorrow For all that gave place For all that took place Tears fall freely From the grey clouds

Up from the soil Rise towards the sun Pure is the feeling Joy!

Little feet Shall roam the earth Without stopping, Dancing in rings Joy!

Up from the soil Rise towards the sun Pure is the feeling Joy!

Little feet Shall roam the earth Without stopping, Dancing in rings Joy!

I may not be big But my time on earth I shall use and I shall reach Into the blue sky Tears fall freely From joy and from sorrow For all that took place For all that gave place

For the sprout which flowers For the beating heart Tears fall freely From joy and from sorrow For all that gave place For all that took place Tears fall freely From the grey clouds

“Wunjo” is a Nordic rune which are often used in heathen divination. It has several meanings, including joy, happiness, wishes, friendship/bonds, group harmony, and can also stand for their inverse (strife, sorrow, alienation, deception, betrayal).

All of these things, and thus the Wunjo rune, scream Akechi to me.

What makes the song stand out to me is that it’s sung by children and an adult. That contrasting duality (youth, age) is also present in the very concept of Wunjo, and of joy/sorrow as different emotions expressed in the same way (tears).

It is also, ultimately, a rune whose meaning is about love:

It is here we find the force of Love curing the warrior who has hate in his or her heart. Because the Northern tradition was abruptly cut short in its evolution of conceptualizing Love as a cosmic force, we have to search for ideas in the Elder tradition that would indicate its latent potential. We find this idea especially in the rune meaning of Wunjo, for Wunjo carries all the elements of Love between and among human beings. Wunjo is the rune that guides harmonizing human energies into a whole. It is the alignment of individual will with the will of the community and ultimately with the divine will.

I’m also pretty hype about the idea of Wunjo as wishing, wishes being the manifestation of one’s will (the Law of Attraction), and the dangers of cognitive distortions as Persona 5 handles them.

The art of correct ‘wishing’ is perfected by seeking your unique purpose in life and aligning your thought and action with it. It is the motivation to act upon your true will which opens the path to completing your personal purpose in this lifetime. Step by step, life by life, we fulfill our cosmic destiny. This is the essence of the Law of Attraction, and a core magic of the Northern tradition.

Laws of Attraction state that what you think of, what you believe, will manifest as true--even if they aren’t things you like or want. So for example, if you think that you have nothing but bad luck and nothing will go your way, that’s what your will manifests. The positive inverse is also true (in that if you sincerely believe that you will get what you want, then that thing will manifest in your life). While it sounds like magic stuff--and it is--it is also a way to apply the therapeutic benefits of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to treat mental illnesses.

Advocates generally combine cognitive reframing techniques with affirmations and creative visualization to replace limiting or self-destructive ("negative") thoughts with more empowered, adaptive ("positive") thoughts.

Adhering to the positive impact of Laws of Attraction can therefore be said to clear a therapy patient’s cognitive distortions through the application of cognitive restructuring.

Applied to the idea of P5′s cognitive distortion, the negative side of the Law of Attraction then becomes a malformed perspective of the truth, or a warped wish inside a person’s heart. What they want and why they want it is flawed and twisted, and must be changed, because how the person goes about manifesting it leads to harm.

... Which just makes me think of Akechi and how badly I wish they had kept his Palace in the game. I want to know what the true distortion is in his heart, and if there’s a way to heal it. I want to do for him what the PT did for Futaba, which is precisely why I’m writing Krákrgaldr to begin with, but still... Nothing quite beats canon validation.

And I’m just... so so so Here for the idea of healing the child in Akechi’s heart, the little boy who believed in justice and wanted to fight for it; the little boy who wanted to be accepted and loved; the little boy who grew up hating that he was born at all and could never think of himself as someone who deserved to live at all. I’m So Here for the idea of finding a way to bring that child through all the hurt and hate that cradled him into his young adult life, without Akechi losing his anger or his vicious, hellbent determination to make his own will and justice manifest.

And idk if P5R’s gonna find a way to do it, so I’ll have to write that in the fic myself somehow

To me, the song “Wunjo” celebrates the fine line between joy and sorrow, not as a grimdark or bitter way to show how life is without happiness, but to show that there’s a balance between them. Even something like tears comes from the same emotional wellspring (joy, sorrow) and can’t easily be separated. We express happiness and sadness in the same way (tears), and if I had time to unpack how that makes me think of the final shot of the movie Midsommar, when Dani is crying in agony and then slowly starts to smile, as well as the final tearful, sobbing smile of Laura Palmer in Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me, I would, but instead I just leave y’all to go look up those images yourselves.

... Although now I kinda wanna commission someone to draw Akechi scream-smiling in the Midsommar flower dress.

[scatteredmartianthoughts]

Why Super Mario Galaxy means so much to my childhood and personal growth?

It’s 2007. I’m a stupid 11 year old kid that only started to finally crack out of his shell. Priorhand, I was admittedly super shy to the point where I was scared to even talk to girls outside of my mother. Add clumsy, stupid and socially inept and that pretty much summarised my younger self back at the final year of my primary school years (Kindergarten - Year 6). But as mentioned earlier, I started to find more confidence. I was finally getting better grades - averaging from Cs and Ds to Bs and getting the odd As once in a while from assessments. It took to my final year of primary school but I finally felt more comfortable being able to surround myself with more people, outside of the small handful of close friends. After spending seven years at a place you could call your second home (for better or for worse), you get super comfortable.  But then December hit. I graduated and high school was always looming over the horizon. I graduated and it felt like a momentous occasion as it felt like I achieved my first major accomplishment. Yet, after the ceremony and that same evening, I realized that I was going to leave the only world I knew outside of my family. Even though a large handful of my friends were going to be in the same junior high school (Years 7 - 10) as me, a sizable chunk of those who I was super close with are going to separate high schools. I only just finally felt more at home and then I suddenly had to leave? It was daunting to say the least. I was afraid that I wouldn’t fit in my new high school and this new environment. I knew the friends I made would make new ones. I feared that maybe I would just fade away from their memory. I feared that worlds and horizons beyond this one would prove too much for me. Sometime after my final day of attending primary school (maybe like a few weeks?), my parents gave me a massive surprise. A Nintendo Wii, with a copy of Super Mario Galaxy. They mentioned how it was both a graduation and Christmas gift from them. Therefore I had to wait until Christmas day to finally set it up. Before continuing on, I mainly grew up with a Nintendo Gamecube (GCN) and a Playstation 2 (PS2). This was considered the 6th generation of consoles. Although I did have other consoles as well (PS1, N64, GBA, DS), the GCN and PS2 grew to be favourite pastimes - although I became a bit fonder of Nintendo. Imagine the stupid grin on my face when I finally had a new system that is from the 7th generation. I saw websites that hyped up the next gen and saw the games that came from it. Especially last year in 2006 when Super Smash Bros. Brawl was announced to the world. The possibilities were endless to my younger self and what way to introduce myself to the next step of video games then Mario - the face of Nintendo and video games itself. Now I have played other Mario games before such as Super Mario 64 DS and burrowing my cousin’s copy of Super Mario Sunshine but things changed when I finally popped open Super Mario Galaxy. Expectations were blown beyond this world. Something I want to also address would be that I love astronomy. My parents let me read these kick ass books on the solar system, of each individual planet and its characteristics, black holes, supernovas, the kuiper belt, etc.. I tried learning more of the physics side but I absolutely sucked ass at it but I digress. But somehow fusing my adoration of space and Mario was a perfect combination. Each world was as interesting as the next. Each star I would collect from different objectives allowed me to look into different sections and opened up the world even more. Fantastic utilisation of gravity-defying platforming and motion controls (for the most part). The sheer scale and audacity of Bowser’s plan that made his previous attempts pale in comparison. The kick ass music that ranged from being fun and bouncy to contemplative to haunting to grand and momentous. Rosalina turning into one of the most fascinating characters in fiction and becoming one of my favourite characters in video game history. I loved it all with minor nitpicks here and there. It quickly became one of, if not still, my favorite game of all time. Heck, I did a 100% complete run as Mario. Still technically need to do that for Luigi but shush... However, as I let hours, days and weeks wonder off, an interesting thought blossomed into my mind as I kept exploring multiple galaxies: “Maybe exploring towards this next journey won’t be too bad after all”. It dawned on me after I conquered Bowser’s final stand at the game’s centre of the universe. At the game’s ending, with the help of Rosalina and the Lumas, Mario undos Bowser’s damage and not only restored the universe but also gave birth to a new galaxy. Looking back at it almost 13 years later, I used my experience with Super Mario Galaxy as a metaphor to jump into the next chapters of my life, even with levels of anxiousness and hurdles along the way, with belief that I’ll make it through with new experiences. To kind of compare it to the game: each major chapter of my life can be represented by each major section of the Comet Observatory (the main hub world of the game); the worlds and galaxies found in each major section represent the experiences I’m about to learn and understand, each with its own nuances and intricacies of how to overcome it; the inhabitants of each planet can represent the people that I will meet and learn from; and the enemies represent the challenges that lay before me. Therefore Mario can represent me. From the beginning till the end of the game, Mario barely changes. Similarly, when I reconnected with people after a long while apart due our busy adult life, most note that I’m still the same. An interesting comment that produced different tones when different people mentioned that, ranging from comfort to shock. However, even though I seem to have barely changed compared to the person my friends first met, I feel like I’ve at least changed a fair amount. I felt like I’ve somewhat matured, met and understood different perspectives, befriended many people from each section of my life and am a bit more confident on how I deal with matters and conduct myself. Yet maybe Mario didn’t need to change in the eyes of others. Similar to how you gain in-game knowledge of tackling each world, I gained a form of wisdom and appreciation from living each major chapter of my life thus far. It may not be something that others may not outwardly see or may not even make sense to them but as long as I understood that, then that’s all that matters. To conclude this weird thought, Super Mario Galaxy was something I needed in my life at the time. I used it as a springboard to help get me the confidence to go through new chapters of my life - starting with high school and never looked back. I gained many new friends, experiences and perspectives from a multitude of groups from various sections of my life - junior and senior high school, university, youth group, work. I gained a new appreciation of what life was to throw at me, even if I still get anxious and nervous that I might drastically fail or be shunned. It’s still a long journey ahead but I felt I have grown from that 11 year old boy with an uncertain future. But now the future is brighter, and I can see the stars from where I’m at.   ADDENDUM: Major shoutout to my old primary school friends who I reconnected with. Our little reunion of sorts helped inspire this topic to come into light in one of my many weird nights of reflection and overthinking. Major props goes to them but major thanks to all who took the time out of your busy time to read this. Next topic: Why Persona 5 (P5)/Persona 5 Royal (P5R) means so much to me and how I view my relationships with people.