#but shes still new to being free at this point

[graciedollie]

Would you please do Maddie and Cailtyn (separate) hcs for reader flinching in an argument? Perhaps the reader is a naturally calm person when arguing even if the other person is going balistic. Thank you! (If you don't write for multiple characters please feel free to just choose 1)

Unexpected

☔︎︎ 𝐇𝐨𝐰’𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐭 𝐢𝐟 𝐟𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐝 𝐝𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐫𝐠𝐮𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭☔︎︎

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫: 𝐂𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐥𝐲𝐧 𝐊𝐢𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐦𝐢𝐧 𝐱 𝐅𝐞𝐦!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫, 𝐌𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐞 𝐍𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐧 𝐱 𝐅𝐞𝐦!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

⋆˚࿔𝐂𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐥𝐲𝐧 𝐊𝐢𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐦𝐢𝐧⋆˚࿔

“Do you not understand the danger you could’ve been caught in?!” She was practically seething as she paced around back and forth in the office while you were settled on the couch—welcoming the warmth of the brewing fireplace .

She was quite upset at you—not even upset, she was pissed. There was a mission assigned and you gladly took it, thinking that you could easily have it handled and orthodox. Though, it wasn��t easily handled or orthodox, but thankfully, you and your crew didn’t really get hurt, only a couple graze and cuts . By some miracle, that was all.

You were used to her yelling and being pretty going all out when she was upset or frustrated with you or all the above, to be honest. It never really phased you or anything, being the natural calm person you are.

Of course here and there, you’d get upset and sometimes get upset with her with it either saying something you didn’t like or doing something you didn’t really like either. Even so, you weren’t much of a hothead or didn’t get upset to bad.

Though this time…it was a little different.

Like before, you were used to her yelling and going all out with her angry rants, but she would also pace around frequently and frail her arms out—trying to prove her point and get it in your thick skull.

Now, that didn’t really phase you either, but this time it just felt so different and you don’t know why. You listened to her intently as she scolded you about blah blah blah could’ve gotten yourself and blah blah blah it was a stupid choice.

You weren’t too bothered by her rambles or scolding, it was enduring and cute to see that she cared so much about you—even though she was practicing fuming.

“I can’t believe you made such a decision! Do you have any idea how…how pissed I am, Y/N!?”

That’s when she took a step forward as she pointed at you with her hand raising at you, making you flinch slightly. It made her pause mid rant, looking at you as if you were her entire world—which you were, no doubt about it.

It was weird…you never did this.

I mean, yeah, she would raise her hand and stuff with gestures, but it was nothing drastic. So why was this so different and odd—especially for Cait.

“I didn’t mean to…I..”

Her words felt stuck in her throat as her jaw clenched, though her eyes held a soft gaze as you both locked eyes—teleporting the high affection you both had for each other, though she was still mad at you about the situation earlier.

But that didn’t matter right now (it will be brought up later, trust).

“No, it’s fine…I just…It’s just been a long day, Cait.”

You didn’t want her to worry or anything, but you knew she couldn’t help to do that. It was just odd to flinch whenever she did, though she used her hands as gestures frequently. Nothing new.

It felt as the air became tense. Both of you not knowing what to say before you felt Caitlyn soft hand caressed your cheek—brushing the skin of your neck, bringing you close to her.

“You know I would never..”

“I know..”

A soft smile tugged at your lips as you saw the relief gleam in those royal blue eyes—the eyes that you always found yourself getting lost in every single time and you never wanted to find your way out.

⋆˚࿔𝐌𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐞 𝐍𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐧⋆˚࿔

“You don’t understand. I have to do this.” She was quite on edge as she had came back from Piltover from doing her ‘duties’, only just to make sure everything was in place for Ambessa’s placed plan.

But there were some problems. You were unsure about this whole thing, worrying that it would be figured out and the whole plan would blow to shit. Though, she was working for the infamous Noxus warlord, so maybe this couldn’t go so bad…

But you couldn’t help that gnawing feeling and you couldn’t hold back your strong opinions on the matter.

Which lead you here, arguing with her—mainly her doing the yelling and you doing your best to maintain your calm nature, but she was steadily tugging at that rope.

The two of you went back and forth, constantly bickering at each other. You felt that something bad was going too happen and she felt that nothing was going to happen. It was a futile argument, neither one of you backing down, but of course you wanted to put it to an end.

“All I’m saying is that I don’t trust this, Maddie. Do you even understand what situation you’re putting yourself in?”

Your voice was filled with worry and concern, only hoping that would get at least an inch to her thick skill, but you both knew that was useless.

Once Maddie stuck to something, there was no backing away from her choice. She loved you dearly, of course she did, but this was important to her. She didn’t want to let down her people nor did she want to let down the general.

God it was just tiring and frustrating to get her to listen most times as she was caught up in her own rambles. She couldn’t help, but glare at you and ball her fists up—creating crescent-like marks in her palm.

“You don’t understand. I have to do this. You know this is dear to me! I can handle this, no one will find out!”

Her voice was raising more and more as she stepped closer to you, staring at you with a scowl etched on her face deeply—making you miss that sweet, stupid smile on her face. With the way her voice raised, it caught you by surprise—making you flinch as you looked at her with disbelief and surprise.

That hit a nerve.

Maddie immediately quieted down with her angry rants, quickly coming to cup your cheek as she tilted your hand to make your eyes meet her apologetic gaze—rubbing the skin of your cheek with her gloved hand.

“Nononono, i’m sorry…I didn’t mean to, love. Please, i’m sorry—I-I was just upset…I didn’t mean to..”

Her words were coming in jumbled form and stutter, trying her hardest to not let her frazzled nerves get the best of her any further.

“No, it’s just…you don’t usually…get this upset.”

Seeing the way you looked at her hurt her in ways that she never imagine, quickly pulling you close to her as she rubbed your back in firm, but gentle circles.

“I’m sorry…i’ll make it up to you, yeah?”

Your eyes gazed into hers with glint of hurt, but you couldn’t help but love at how she cared so much about you—besides her getting a little overboard with the yelling.

You nodded as your hand gently caressed her cheek, rubbing over the skin of her cheek—feeling your heart flutter as that same stupid, sweet smirk tugged at her lips

hope you liked this <3 (idek if this sucked or not tbh)

[anatombombatallhours]

Hi! I'm a trans man who had top surgery in 2017, and started T in 2020.

Going stealth is not an option for me--because no one would believe me. I routinely get "ma'am"ed, even when I am wearing my most masculine outfit. I live in a VERY progressive city, and I am talked down to and infantilized constantly. I do not do *anything* that I, personally, consider to be feminine to myself, or anything that a gay cis man whose presentation is still masc wouldn't do, and yet I am she/her'd constantly. I cannot remember the last time I wore a skirt or a dress, makeup while not onstage, heels, etc., and day after day I am treated as though it is laughable that I think myself masculine.

I experience misogyny, today, and I experience transphobia, today. I experience misogyny because people perceive me (incorrectly) as a woman, and I experience mistreatment on the basis of being a trans man, CONCURRENTLY.

My voice has dropped but I don't currently have a visible Adam's apple (despite being able to sing baritone now), and I can't grow facial hair anywhere besides my neck. I don't have "free" muscles, and my body hair has only mildly increased in amount and scope.

And I take T weekly.

But even if all of these things weren't true, even if I passed perfectly and could go stealth--that still wouldn't change the fact that it took me 11 STRAIGHT YEARS of therapy for me to be diagnosed with ADHD. ADHD to the point that new ADHD friends, upon being introduced to me or seeing my apartment, *instantly* clock me as one of them.

Why is this important, you ask?

Because if I had been a little cis boy, there is almost no way I *wouldn't* have been assessed in childhood for ADHD and autism. The literal only reason I *wasn't* is because I was assigned female at birth. And with no treatment, only shame, guilt, and abuse, the ADHD has bloomed into one of the most debilitating things in my entire life. All because I was assigned female at birth--so I couldn't possibly have little cis boy-type problems.

That is misogyny. It affects me to this fucking day.

I stand at the intersection of having a feminine identity pushed upon me and being hated for it (sometimes because of my failure to adhere, sometimes because it was ever applied to me at all), and of discovering and choosing my masculine identity and being hated for it.

The people who often hurt me don't do so at the intersection. They go down whichever street is easier for them to cross, and hurt me there.

Passing is not and has never been my main goal. But even in my pursuit to look in the mirror and see a man looking back, I face no shortage of misogyny.

It would be *lovely* if I hadn't experienced misogyny since I started transitioning socially back in 2014. But these past 10 years have been filled with a lot of the same bullshit the first 20 were, and misogyny is no small part.

How dare you tell transmascs not to "debase" ourselves when the world and society treat us like this without our consent. You are blaming us for being oppressed and speaking on our experiences, and *that* is utterly asinine.

wow okay two things

1. not all trans men want to medically transition. some trans men are nonbinary/gender nonconforming/simply dont want to medically transition and just want to or have socially transitioned and they will still experience sexism because they are still perceived by society as women.

2. just because a trans man does transition, a lot of the time he will be perceived as "doing masculinity wrong" by society or he may even be outed or still live in a town where everyone knows what he used to look like before medically transitioning and will therefore still be subjected to sexism because people see him as a failed man/woman.

we do not get the full male experience as soon as we start calling ourselves men. try actually listening to trans men when we discuss our oppression instead of assuming you know our fucking life experiences.

[drama-glob]

I know some people have already pointed out some parallels between "Just Look My Way" and the ending of "Sinsmas" with Octavia, but something I thought was interesting too was that when they changed the lyrics from the original version by PARANOiD DJ to make the official music video reflect in canon Stolas/Stolas's growth like this:

They also changed here:

To reflect in canon that while Stolas is aware that he was wrong to make this deal between him and Blitz and that he's got his walls up that Stolas can't get over so long as the deal stands, he's also failing to keep considering how all of this has been affecting/hurting Octavia up to this point because he's been so concerned with making things right by Blitz, all while barely holding onto the chance that the two of them could actually be happy together since he's not even sure if what they have is real/all a lie to serve as his escapism from his life at the palace. :( The illusion he built for his daughter about them all being a happy, loving family growing up is still in Octavia's mind and now thanks to Stolas, she believes he (as well as Blitz based on what we've seen) ruined her family and it's making her become more isolated and feeling unloved because of his choices and how she perceives the situation; Stolas in the original version seems to be at least acknowledging how his daughter might be feeling as a result of him trying to find happiness with Blitz and is wondering if that's what he's feeling now at the prospect that Blitz doesn't actually love him, compared to the canon one of how he's hurt Blitz in his pursuit of him and knows he needs to set Blitz free no matter how much he wants him (or at least that's how I read it, although the "She" could have been referring to Stella, but we've seen her hatred and attacks towards Stolas by that point, so I'm still leaning towards it being about Octavia :( ). Also, just to reiterate the point, since the canon version of the song takes place later in the series, the change in lyrics also likely had to happen because we've seen Stolas repeat the neglect/being stuck in his own head behavior such as in "Seeing Stars" and then later in "The Full Moon," thus why the song needed to continue showing this pattern; plus, he probably felt so sure in Octavia's love for him that he'd be forgiven like in "Seeing Stars" and "Loo Loo Land" for said behavior that he didn't need to work on improving that aspect of how he acts with her. :/ What's crazy is that the original version of the song came out 9 days before "Ozzie's" premiered, where we see Stolas then feel ashamed for how he's handled things with Blitz at the cost of hurting his daughter and not being sure Blitz loves him back, especially with Blitz's words at the end of the episode. Talk about timing. O_O

*On a side note, the flower also changes from being a daffodil that can symbolize rebirth and new beginnings, then becomes a carnation (I think) and can refer to love in various forms, although that one in particular can refer to rejection because it's striped. :( Also, even though it's in the original version of the song, I find it interesting that it was a carnation at the part when he brought up Octavia, although I know the focus of the song is still on Blitz and Stolas's relationship and it changed in realization that it may be his fault things are this way/the reason Blitz doesn't love him. :/ In addition, the song had Stolas trying to talk with Blitz and wanting to see him outside of the full moon at the beginning, which we then saw he was doing via text messages in "Western Energy," so damn on it predicting that too. O_O

By all means, Stolas has a right to be happy, to be loved and to get away from Stella, but as so many have already argued as well, Octavia's feelings are valid and understandable given Stolas's actions and her not knowing the full story. :( (I felt obligated to include this since I want Stolas and Octavia to reconcile in the future and be one big, happy family with Blitz and Loona <3<3<3).

Also:

It's too bad that this lyric about growing cold had some literal manifestation, even though Octavia is also obviously giving her father the cold shoulder here and Stolas was referring to Blitz in the song, but it's still so sad that Stolas believes Octavia truly hates him for all that he's done rather than her being angry, hurt and needing more time to process everything/learn the truth in order to see things from his perspective. :(

*I think someone may have pointed this cold part out already, but I wasn't 100% and it went with the first part of the post anyway, so I included it as well. :/ Also, sorry if it seemed like I was rambling or getting off track here as this wound up being longer than I planned and I kept thinking of other tidbits/observations to include. :/

[greenerteacups]

What do you think of jkr as a writer? I for one has always felt like she didn’t treat her female characters well. It felt strange, being critical of her when she was god queen of the earth, and also being 10

I think most of the problems in her books can be chalked up to genre hopping. Books 1-3 are perfectly good and serviceable children's books — great children's books, even! They have compelling, relatable characters and juicy mystery plots. They have problems, sure, but for the first three books someone's ever written — especially someone with little or no background in creative writing — they're really fucking good. So: there's her flowers.

The last four books pivot sharply into much more emotionally complicated and sociopolitically loaded territory, because they're describing a war. And it's hard to write children's books about war. I would venture you can't really do it, at least without dramatically misrepresenting what war is! And so Rowling makes the executive decision somewhere during the writing of Book 4 that she's not going to flinch away from that, she's going to go for dramatic realism, and she kills Cedric Diggory to let us know. People had died in Harry Potter before, of course — Quirrell gets sent to the fucking shadow realm, for example. But children haven't. (It also gives parents who are reading these books with their children a warning shot: shit is about to get significantly more real, think twice before you buy the next one of these for your 10-year-old.) After that, Rowling starts leaning much more into dramatic realism, and the fast-paced mystery-novel plotting of the first few books is replaced by a slow, simmering political conflict that unfurls over the course of about a million words.

The problem — besides the fact that she's picking one of the hardest things to write about, like, in all of literature, war is really insanely complicated and emotionally intense and hard to portray well — is that she's now trying to use characters, plot points, and technologies she developed for a children's series to enact a sprawling war drama among teenagers and adults. So Hermione, who was a reasonably precocious snobby eleven-year-old, becomes this sort of encyclopedic all-knowing savant of the wizarding world, who somehow remains functional and mostly even-headed despite her identity being the chief target of a prolifically murderous terrorist group. Draco Malfoy, a schoolyard bully whose primary tools included 1. namecalling and 2. telling teacher, JOINS said terrorist group (and admittedly does react reasonably, i.e., has a total crashout and takes to sobbing in a girls' bathroom whenever he gets a free minute). Dumbledore, who starts out as "whimsical friendly winky-wink trustworthy grandfather type", ends up being Magical Winston Churchill in a violent game of spycraft and espionage, eventually revealing he's only been keeping Harry at all these seven years because he wants to KILL him! And like, maybe really good technical writing could smooth out these transitions and make the first-order dramatic choices seem more natural, but Rowling is like, a Fine Writer, technically speaking. meaning she's reasonably consistent in characterization, her plotting is well-paced and believable, she has a clear authorial voice, and her prose is readable. personally, that's not enough to get me to buy into some of the changes that happen in the later books, and because she stuffs these things so full with new elements every installment, a lot of stuff ends up getting glossed over.

And like, I still love the books. I think they're wonderful, and they taught me how to read. but i can say that and also say that Rowling probably did herself a disservice by trying to write four giant war novels as sequels to her first three mystery children's books.

[springtimesdaughter]

10 years later, AU

Bittersweet

That's what it is.

To realize that despite fate throwing all of them together that they never stuck together. That they were never meant to stick together. That after everything, it would all fall away. The last time they had been together was those few days after the Earth went back to sleep. That one of them would be dead in just under a year; that they would never again reunite.

Piper McLean was the first of them to leave the life of a demigod behind. She moved back home, the home that her heart needed and found a life that she wanted. She found the person she needed, and for the first time, she was free from all the expectations of the people around her. There were no Greek gods or flashing photography lights in her face.

She would spend a couple of years redefining herself outside of the life that Hera tried to make for her. She would rip out the foundations and find what she really wanted to stand upon. It would be full of grief for what she was forced to have, what she voluntarily lost, and what could never be again. It would be full of grief and separation and the internal bloody mess that comes with discovering who you are.

Piper would travel the world. Not as a celebrity kid or as a child forced to save the world with other children, but someone who wholly belongs to herself and what she chooses to be part of her. She would see the beauty in environments she only seen on television or imagined in school books. She would meet new people and make small connections, but whose impact lasted a lifetime.

She sends letters and post cards at least once a year, and sometimes, she will pass through where one of the others is. She will stay for a bit but never long. Her home is still with her family, and she spends time there, learning her history and the burdens of that history, but she still soars for herself.

So ten years later, with a bag just about that old. There is a stack of postcards she keeps in her room and stickers she has collected for herself. She has found peace away from a world she joined too late and too chained to.

Leo Valdez does not make it a second summer in dating the lovely Lady Calypso. They were already falling apart the summer following the downfall of Nero. She had gone off to a mortal summer camp and fell in love with music and art. He had remained hurt and mourning for someone he never got to see again.

Jason Grace would, in Leo's memories, would be the guy on the battlefield admist a war he didn't sign up for. Jason Grace, in Leo's memory, would never see a day of peace like others might have.

Leo would remain in the Waystation until he turned eighteen. He would help build and repair. He would assist those who need it, and he would find a life outside of being the seventh wheel or the guy looking for a girl.

He would leave. Not because he was told to, but because he wanted to.

He would go on to set up more demigod safe places and create a foundation of a network that would help demigods get from place to place as safely as they could. He would help establish mechanical defenses and make sure that other demigods didn't end up like him.

Eventually, he would settle down into his own mechanical workshop up north away from where he figured Calypso might be and away from one of the places that holds memory.

He will go on to pointing demigods in the right direction and taking in one or two who didn't want to go to one of the established camps.

He is never a part of another prophecy and never sees another god again, but in the next ten years he has found a sort of peace in his life he didn't know he needed until he was welding together metal at two am in the middle of December almost seven years after Jason died.

Hazel Levesque has a bucket list. A list of many things she knew she couldn't have done back in her first life, and she wanted to complete all of them in this life.

She goes to school and gets a degree in something that didn't exist in her first life. She travels back to New Orleans one spring break because she knows no one will recognize her. She couldn't have done that in her first life. She attends plays and performances front and center because she can, and she goes to restaurants knowing she can.

She writes a book and publishes it under her own name just because she can. She speaks up just because she can, and she defines herself outside of the men she is connected to.

No one sees her as Hazel, daughter of Pluto, or Hazel, girlfriend of Frank. She is Hazel, the art lover and experience maker. She is Hazel.

She stays together with Frank for a couple more years, but she reaches an age where she looks back and wonders what the two of them were doing. Wonders what they are doing now.

They love each other and care about each other. But they do not stay together. They see eachother every other week for a brunch at a new place Hazel hasn't tried yet, and spend important holidays together, but they aren't Frank and Hazel, the newest couple that is all the talk, but Frank and Hazel, two friends with shared experiences that binds them together in a deep friendship.

She visits the others occasionally. Buying first-class tickets on trains and staying in fancy hotels simply because in her first life she could never have been. She never goes back to Alaska, but she never has too so that's perfectly okay.

Frank Zhang would stay in New Rome. He is the only one who remained in the demigod world, but by the time ten years have passed, he is packing up and getting ready to move.

He's not leaving to run away from the past or escape what can't be changed. He isn't leaving to find himself or because there's a whole world he wants to see.

He's leaving because New Rome has done all that it can for him, and he had given it all that he can, and it is time to move on to the next thing.

He goes back to his family's old place a couple of times. If only to breathe in the air and to make sure he leaves some respect to his mother who died all those many years ago.

He is respected among the Romans and brings bows and arrows into fashion, teaching several classes on them.

He falls out of contact with a lot of good people but remains in contact with others for as long as he can. He ensures that Jason Grace's dream is fulfilled and all the places of respect are built.

He guides new Preators and offers good advice to anyone who asks, and he isn't too terribly hurt when he and Hazel stop dating because they make good friends.

When Hazel finally leaves, part of him does as well, but they still talk every week and regularly send mail to one another.

By the time ten years have almost gone and past, he put in a job application outside of New Rome and gets accepted. Maybe he will find some demigods along the way and write them letters, giving them a chance he didn't have. Maybe he won't see another demigod again. But either way he stands in his packed apartment and smiles for what his future will bring.

Annabeth Chase does a lot within ten years. She gets a degree and works at the most prestigious places she could have dreamed of. Her name will be remembered for centuries. Not just as the one who redesigned and rebuilt Olympus, but for the designs she brings to New Rome and the rebuilding and restructure of Camp Half-Blood.

Her name can not be forgotten, and she will leave behind something permanent.

However, she leaves behind her heart. She never meant to let it go, but to continue reaching forward, she forgot to look back. She forgets to keep up with friends, and suddenly, one day, she realizes she hasn't spoken to any of those she knew from camp, only to learn she missed a funeral months ago.

She sticks with Percy until five years in when the trauma of her life and their shared experiences catch up to them. She tries to get help, but there are some things that she can't repair, so she cuts them out and moves on.

Annabeth stays in New Rome for two more years before she leaves to build everywhere else. Never staying in one spot too long, her name is stamped in every big city she can reach her hands to grab. Her list of achievements is growing.

Her name is never attributed to being Percy Jackson's girlfriend, or one of seven. Her name stands on its own tall and proud and lonely.

She tries to connect with the others, but she forgets to send a letter back and missed a call until she has but distant fond memories and the occasional coffee when one or another crosses paths with her.

Her life is good ten years down the line, and she has mostly disconnected herself from the world of mythology, but she's been known to be mentioned once in a while by a demigod she helped take down a monster with.

Percy Jackson does his best to live separately from the world of the gods in the next ten years.

It wasn't his original goal, but halfway through college, he realized that he and Annabeth wanted completely different things, but he sticks it out for a couple more years because he didn't want to leave Annabeth behind and it felt like betraying her to break up with her.

So, five years after the second war, they break up, and Percy isn't shocked. He takes a breath and picks his things up and leaves. He cares so much for Annabeth, but they are making each other miserable.

He moves back to New York for a couple months, sees his sister off to her first day of school, and gets dragged into a prophecy because he ran into the demigods doing the prophecy and they needed help. He realizes he can't stay in New York, so he picks his stuff up and leaves.

He runs into Piper while in Miami, and he joins her for an ocean trip to the Caribbean. He enjoys himself, playing mortal when he isn't. He feels free, but he doesn't stay, and Piper doesn't invite him to continue the trip.

He thanks her, and he ends up going back to Alaska. He didn't think he would ever end up back there, and he hasn't talked to his father for seven years, but he's away from the gods, and he's just a transplant who cares about the environment.

He doesn't think he will stay in Alaska forever, but people don't ask questions. He doesn't have to worry about the gods, and for more than a couple of weeks, he is able to breathe.

Jason Grace dies a child and will remain a child. Even ten years later, he is still a child even though everyone he knows has left and found something to do with their lives.

He died young, unlike the Roman demigods. He dies young like Greek demigods. He doesn't get a happy ending just one that assured his goal will be done.

In the ten years after his death, all the temples are built, upkept, and given the respect that they need. His name is spoken in heroic tragedy.

He is not forgotten.

But they speculate about what could have been. About what he could be doing now. About what he could have accomplished. About what he would have done.

They have his name in history books, and children will ask the elders if they ever knew him. Got to talk to him.

For a dead hero is more fun to talk about than the ones who left and didn't stay.

His sacrifice is celebrated and mourned, and his death starts to stop being about him. Because those who die young stop having their death be about them, and what it means to others.

[propenseverbosity]

Warm, Safe [Rook/Spite] (WIP)

I won't get into my thoughts about the Rook and Spite dynamic because they are extensive and I don't feel like arguing with people on the internet about it, but I got the idea of my Rook cuddling with Spite and it would not leave my brain until I wrote it down so here you go. ^_^

Rating: G

Word Count: 456

-----------------------------------------------------

He opens his eyes to find that he cannot move. A warm weight presses against his body, but he isn’t trapped. Not like before.

Smells of fresh linens, and Savar.

Her head rests on his shoulder, arms wrapped around his middle. Unconscious, but not injured. Breathing slow and steady against his chest.

Despite being unable to stand, his arms are free. Some of her hair is covering her eyes. He reaches to move it behind a pointed ear, the way he’s seen Lucanis do it. (How else would she be able to see their enemies?)

She hums in acknowledgement as she stirs.

“Lucanis?” she asks. She’s learned to ask, knowing the answer might change.

“No.” he replies, with Lucanis’s voice.

It takes her a moment to process his response. She shifts atop him, and raises her head to look at him properly. “...Spite?”

He struggles to force words through his host’s mouth, but it’s gotten easier the more Lucanis grows to trust him. “What. Are you. Doing?” he asks her.

“Just sleeping.” Savar tells him. “We have some time, before we head back out again.”

“On. Us?” he clarifies. She trusts them, but she’s never been so close when Lucanis wasn’t in control.

“Yeah.” She remains perfectly still, as if moving might startle him.

“Why?” He’s learned to ask questions too. Rook always listens.

“Lucanis and I like taking naps together sometimes. It’s nice. Comfortable.”

He isn’t entirely sure why, but it is nice. Savar is warm, her clothes soft under his fingertips. Covering them like a blanket, while also keeping them safe. Lucanis would know if they weren’t safe like this. His heart didn't race, his muscles loose. The pleasant warmth of her form draped across him seems to keep his body relaxed, and his mind in the Fade.

“I can move- If you want to get up.” she adds. Her words are hesitant, almost afraid, but he isn't sure why.

He considers the offer. Normally when given control, he liked to explore their new home, but he and Lucanis had made a deal about letting his body rest.

“No. Lucanis. Wants this.”

Savar smiles, relieved by his answer. “Alright then. Are you still comfortable like this? Did you want to switch?”

“How?”

Her smile only grows. She leans heavily against his chest to stand. “C’mere.” she says, offering her hand.

She guides him to move until they’ve swapped places, with Savar against the cushions, and Spite laying atop her. One of her hands glides through his hair, gently smoothing it back.

“Better?” she asks. 

From his new spot, he can react quickly to any approaching threats, while still enjoying the warmth of her arms around him. He soon understands why this makes Lucanis happy. 

“Yes.”

[starry-bi-sky]

mmmmmm read a disciple shen yuan/shizun luo binghe fanfic about two days ago where the first chapter was the Immortal Conference arc, and SQQ was the one who had to be pushed into the abyss (he was still the villain) except Luo Binghe was refusing and was like, lowkey losing his mind about SQQ being so close to the edge. SQQ ended up having to be the one to fall in himself because of the system's punishment system. The rest of the fic is leading up to that moment. But like, MMM i've been obsessively thinking about that first chapter for DAYS ever since.

now i've been in svsss for a grand total of *checks watch* a week. but god obsessed with that. I want to write/read a fic where disciple SQQ goes a little nuts down there. Like keep all of the things that make SQQ, SQQ, but just. Throw in a little bit more trauma in there. A little bit of a mental break. Let him go a little nuts as a treat. Just a tad unhinged. I wanna see him go, just a little, "god fuck it, i've tried so hard to change this shitty story's outcome and it feels like everything i've done has been for nothing. I'm going to die in this world no matter what I do, I've been doomed from the start, so might as well die the way I want to." and he just, breaks a little! Under all the stress.

He still retains the traits that makes shen yuan, shen yuan, like his overwhelming kindness. But he's just! yk. A little less patient. Paranoid. Jumpy. Colder. A little more aloof and closed off. A little more Shen Jiu. He's no asshole child abuser, but he was a Number One Hater in his past life and he's leaning into that old habit a little more now.

(On a totally coincidental not-at-all related note, there's not enough SJ-and-SY-are-the-same-people fics out there that i've found. This is totally unrelated...)

The Endless Abyss turns the mind into an over-sharpened blade, and SQQ is both fascinated and perhaps a little excited to explore a place that doesn't have a lot of info on it in the mortal realm, but still terrified out of his mind. And he's no Luo Binghe, he doesn't have the sheer brute strength and power to just bulldoze his way through, so he has to be a lot more sneaky and cunning if he wants to survive.

The fic itself role-swapped LBH and SQQ so that SQQ was the half-demon (which lowkey fucks) and LBH the human, but I'm equally-if-not-more obsessed with the idea that LBH remains the half-heavenly demon and SQQ the human. If only because I keep thinking about SQQ befriending some demons (particularly and specifically a group of succubi) and they grow very attached to this Human Cultivator so through magic plot stuff they create some kind of seal/illusion/talisman that makes SQQ appear as a demon because a human cultivator in the endless abyss may as well be the equivalent of putting a giant neon target on your back.

And iirc Shen Jiu was taught demonic cultivation by that one guy(?? i've only been here a week so im not caught up in ALL of the lore yet) so that could totally happen here.

(On the other end of the realms, poor Shizun Luo Binghe is just. losing his fucking mind over losing his most precious and beloved disciple. About .5 seconds from burning down the peaks himself. somebody sedate him.)

The Endless Abyss sucks and SQQ is having a really terrible time and can feel himself going lowkey mad, but also holy shit look at all this WORLD-BUILDING. look at all this flora and fauna, and oh if he had the equipment for it he'd be writing all of this down. ALL OF IT. He was kinda-sorta-already planning on never leaving the Abyss as some sort of fucked up self-exile and self-preservation thing, but now he might? actually just?? never leave if he can help it, like he lowkey likes it down here.

anyways the next time anyone ever sees SQQ again he's got hair so long its almost touching the ground and he's either in rags and half-feral or he's been completely dolled up by his adoptive succubi sisters and still about three seconds from biting anyone who tries to touch him. (he's also lowkey trying to book it back down to the abyss even if he has desperately missed all of his friends and shizun)

[puhpandas]

emotional 3 star fam + m.x.e.s arc where after they steal them they learn more about them and find out that they're a lot more sentient than they thought an antivirus from the late 70s would be and that m.x.e.s was built for one purpose to fight against the mimic, but it hasnt been able to fulfill that purpose in a long time after being left to rot all alone in that factory. 3 star took them to use them to be the mimics warden and everything already so theyre able to help m.x.e.s feel fulfilled again by it realizing its purpose again, and updating them so their outdated programming is new and shiny and the cobwebs are dusted off :)

[claitea]

wait oh my god the new anni lillie is just a palette swap of the old one? this actually sucks why did they do that

[orcelito]

Ykno the suckiest thing about being broken up with for someone else is that like. Well I'm doing generally fine, all things considered, but I Am kinda sad thinking about the things I've lost and all the casual affection that I can't have now.

But she's out there having all the affection she wants from her coworker, and it's just like. Damn this feels so skewed and SO unfair.

[kohakhearts]

well folks its been a good two months of denial but i am finally ready to admit that the reason everything sucks is because of major depression relapse. if i werent so depressed id make this everyone elses problem by projecting it on to blorbo but alas

[ghosts-of-love]

🥹🫠

[nataliedecorsair]

I wanted to give you some of Pticenoga's Borderlands AU backstory, how she was raised by Shade and before starting her shenanigans with Vaughn.

Plus a bonus comic about how she decided to set up a meeting for Vaughn and Shade, but didn't tell Vaughn who is supposed to be there x) Mostly because Vaughn has met Shade before in his macabre World of Curiosities museum and thought that Shade is too weird for him. Well, that's the kind of person that would raise a feral harpy siren, gotta deal with it!

When she was very young, nothing bothered her much as she was just a wild baby exploring the world x) And Shade was a good father figure to her. However, as she grew older, she realized that she doesn't really "fit in": yeah, Pandora is a crazy planet, but not every person there is crazy. There are plenty of "regular folk" like Shade or other people from their town - and many others. And she was frequently called a monster, a mutant and many other things by the regular kids and even adults. She was wild though, could bite them or fight with them in a pretty feral manner, and, even though she protected herself, it didn't help the situation much. She wasn't crazy enough (and too small) to fit in with the psychos or bandits, was "too human" for actual monsters living on Pandora, and for a long time she had no idea she was a Siren, as even for Sirens she looked too different. Only when she hit her teens, she was able to confirm that she is one, started using her powers, and in her human form she could see the full extension of the glowing pattern she had on her skin. She still, however, didn't know why she wasn't born "normal", and there were no older Sirens around.

At some point, she decided to become independent and live on her own. Her "wild" upbringing was helping that a lot, and she felt fine being away from people. She'd still visit Shade frequently, of course, and at some point she'd even met Zer0 and could hang out with him for some time. As Zer0 is a mystery himself, they had some common ground between them (though constantly listening to his haiku were exhausting xD). Sadly, Vault Hunters attract attention, not always positive, and that was the reason why she got spotted by a big bandit gang (could be the beginning of Vallory's gang, but before she took over). And local scientists like Tannis already declared that there may be some connection between Sirens and the Vaults. And they noticed that she's a Siren, but also pretty young (and dumb). After the first Vault on Pandora was opened, there was plenty of weird and valuable stuff around, but it wasn't so easy to get it when you're just regular bandits. And when Eridians, the aliens that are guarding the Vault, are everywhere. The Sirens like Lilith were too strong for them, and hiring a Vault Hunter is expensive, so they decided to wriggle into her favor and use her to gain access to the area. She didn't know she was dealing with bandits first, she naively thought it's a rare case of nice fellows just wanting to be friends and such, plus the Vault could have answers about her origin, and the new "friends" confirmed it.

At some point, she realized she was being used, and got into a fight with the bandits - and lost, as there were too many of them, and she had too little experience, and they knew about Shade. She got kidnapped and told that she'd do everything they told her to do, or they'd kill Shade, so she had to obey. She helped them to fight the way to the Vault and get some of the riches, and during the process she felt that she really does have a connection with Eridians - they boosted her powers and helped her to get free, and kill every presenting member of the gang. She was worried about Shade though, so she left immediately to find him before the remaining members found out what happened and could harm him. But she was too late - the water source in their town of Oasis was poisoned, and every single person there died. Except Shade though - he lasted longer, but dehydration made him insane, and he turned corpses into the stuffed dummies he could talk to (though she didn't have much of a problem with this part). As she was gone for at least several months, he didn't believe she's real, and she had to adapt to the new reality.

She never got back to the Vault after that as she felt it was a source of more trouble than anything good (in her view, the price was too much for a bunch of physical stuff).

That lasted for years, and became a bit easier as her powers, enhanced by the Eridians, wasn't only serving the destruction,  but could eventually "heal" some part of Shade's mind, so the moments of clarity became more frequent (she didn't know it's the reason, though). And you still need money, whether you like it or not, so, when Shade decided to use his World of Curiosities as a spot of illegal deals and smuggling, she didn't resist, but would watch over him in the shadows in case something goes wrong.

Eventually, she calmed down and just embraced herself. And, after some time, she met Vaughn, whose personal struggles she could sense right away, as she had to experience "being different" herself.

[annah-kitathryne]

Looks at the 8,000 word WIP I have in my drafts that I just dedicated myself to finishing. Looks at the reading list project I'm doing. Looks at this post. Shoves everything else away.

Opens up a document.

Starts writing.

Tim should do a stint as Helena's protégé during his finding himself arc. Bruce pisses him off and he's like well fuck you too and shows up in Helena's house asking to be her protégé. She says no, at first, but Tim’s incredibly persistent and really good at begging so she eventually gives up and agrees. Tim takes up the mantle of the Query as a nod to the Question and just sort of vibes; he doesn't need to learn any new skills from her, but he'll benefit from a ideological shift or revisiting and revising his morality or just being, because Helena isn't trying to order him around. As long as he does an effective job, she leaves him be. She's in charge, and he knows that, but it's more reminiscent of him and Dick than him and Bruce. It's refreshing.

Cue shenanigans where Bruce is brooding, Dick definitely wasn't in Gotham this much before but who is Tim to complain, Helena gets her routine thoroughly disrupted, Tim actually misses less dates than usual with Bernard, Bernard thinks he's dying and/or part of the mafia, Tim's hero friends make cameos to laugh at his costume and maybe solve crimes, Babs and Steph are thoroughly amused, Cass decides to hang out with Helena too, and Helena refuses to admit she finds any of this pleasant in any way.

[ambrosiagourmet]

Every time I revisit chapter 86 and the events right after the group talks Marcille down, I'm always struck by this bit here:

In particular, how similar it is to this:

The Winged Lion ate the same desire in both of them, more or less (I'm sure there are some nuances in both flavor and intent, but they are clearly similar things here). The Lion basically used this technique to kill Thistle, and for Marcille it was... not insignificant, but something she and her friends overcame without even fully realizing it was an obstacle.

I feel like this is another small piece of the story that shows how important support and love are - in navigating mental illness, in dealing with abuse or addiction, or in working through any other similar struggle that can be read into the Lion and his eating of desires.

It almost feels like Marcille was able to borrow the desires of her friends. She loves them and she trusts them, so even when she didn't have a desire to free herself from the Lion, the care they had for her well being still mattered to her.

It's the same thing later, with her hair.

She isn't able to notice the way her messy hair is making things harder, let alone do anything about it. But when Chilchuck points it out and then braids it back for her...

It's better. She likes it, things are easier now. Even though it isn't a desire she can feel for herself, it's not something that doesn't effect her. And because her friends care - because they know her well enough to notice the difference - she is given the chance to have a preference and to ask for their help.

We can obviously see some parallel ideas here with Mithrun and Kabru as well, but I'd also like to point out that Thistle gets this grace, too. Thistle, who had no one to help him up once he lost his will to resist, or to encourage him to find new desires once the Lion ate them all.

Thistle says he doesn't need anything, anymore...

But he is given an apology anyways.

It is not a kindness he desires. It is not a kindness he is able to ask for.

But it is a kindness that helps. It is a kindness that matters.

[severepink]

Observing Adam

Where I go way too deep into something that probably isn't that deep. It's long, it's long as hell.

Okay, so you'd think with how Adam talks he's just a typical misogynist, right?

This man worships pussy. So much so, he's named a whole ass angel, one of his best, Vagina. You'd say that he objectifies them and thinks of them as being lesser, but I don't think that's the whole story. In fact, I think he might be the original simp.

All of these exorcists so far have been women. All of them. He refers to them as ladies or bitches interchangeably, he sees them as being completely capable of absolutely decimating leagues of some of the most vile beings who have ever existed, and they have, to the point it was only after thousands of years that there's been a risk to this hierarchy.

He's a self-centered, egotistical, loud-mouthed, arrogant asshole, no doubt about it, but I'm beginning to suspect something now.

If Adam and Lilith were created from the same dust, if they were created as equals, I am more than willing to bet... Lilith is also a self-centered, egotistical, arrogant asshole. But, she's likely far more intelligent, composed, and duplicitous.

Lilith was allowed to refuse Adam and leave of her own free will and garnered her own independence. A new wife was created for Adam, she was replaced. My guess, is she thought Adam wouldn't be able to live without her, to come back and find herself replaced entirely, she was enraged.

I believe both Adam and Lilith were both incredibly dominant individuals who fought over ideas, thoughts, and ultimately in the bedroom as well, if we take into account the creationist stories.

I'm willing to bet she likely manipulated Lucifer into twisting humanity against its original concept. What if Lucifer's intention truly was to just spark something within Eve, like independence and thought and creation, but it was Lilith's poison within the fruit that tainted her, then subsequently Adam, with sin.

Lilith thrived in hell, while Lucifer's dreams of creation were dashed. She didn't suffer as he did, instead the power of her voice grew with hell. Her voice grew so powerful that heaven found it to be a threat, her actions instigated the beginning of exterminations.

Charlie said that when she was a little girl, she didn't know Lucifer at all. I don't think this was because of Lucifer, he's seen here, picking her up, inviting her to share in his thoughts and dreams, showing her something wonderful. Something she could see within herself.

Charlie says that it's this moment that sparked her will to fight for her dreams. Which is strange, because at the very beginning of the story, Charlie says it was her mother's dream that was passed down to her.

Lilith took Charlie away. In this scene, Lucifer wasn't done showing Charlie his thoughts and dreams, he's still yearning to show his daughter these things at this point.

Lucifer loves his daughter. He loves Charlie so, so, so much. So why wasn't he allowed to build a relationship with his daughter for the longest time? He was waiting for the opportunity to get to know her, but with how much he adores her why didn't he do it sooner? He didn't comment on 'It took you a while-' he just said he missed her smile. They don't want to be pulled apart, again.

Now, we know Vivziepop has said that Lucifer and Lilith love each other, but Lilith 'wears the pants' in the relationship. We see all of the pictures all over the walls of a supposedly happy family. I don't think the relationship was as loving as originally portrayed and Lilith is a woman who desires control above all else. She likely tried to mitigate what influence Lucifer had over their daughter when she thought his angelic thoughts and behaviors became more than what she approved of.

Lets take it back to Adam and Lute for a moment. Again, Adam is a loud mouthed idiot, he's a jerk. The moment he realizes there are demons in heaven, he's ready to go on the attack. It's only because of Lute that he didn't end up doing something absolutely idiotic.

I gotta say, Lute and Adam's relationship is an absolutely fascinating one. He's a disrespectful dick head in how he talks, but how he acts is a different story. He allows Lute to man-handle him. He does listen to her, even if he's a whiny bitch about it.

Look at him, this is the face of a man listening, a dumb one, but a dude listening all the same. He doesn't manhandle her back, he doesn't even pull away until she lets go of his collar. Of all the shit he complained about, between being grabbed and being told what to do, his biggest complaint is that she's telling him to shush.

We know that Adam is the one who suggested the exterminations to begin with, so Sera says, and this was because of the power that Lilith was amassing. To him, Lilith is a threat. Even when he was willing to move on, to go to another wife when Lilith didn't want him or want to submit to him (fair babe, he's a bit of an idiot), she came back with an angel and proceeded to manipulate his new wife Eve. This is the supposed progenitor of man-kind, the original dick (hilariously enough), the reason civilization even exists at all. He and Eve had to fight for their lives after being tempted with the fruit. They had immortality, they had no ideas of shame, they were supposedly 'innocent' creatures before Lilith and Lucifer came along. He and Eve had to fight tooth and nail to survive after being cast from Eden. I think it shows in how willing and ready he is to take lead and do what he believes needs to be done, now out of a need for entertainment rather than a need to defend or protect. But, he still stopped to listen to Lute's advice. In the mythological story of Adam and Eve, Adam is the one who has to tell Eve that god said don't eat the fruit. Eve never heard god speak to her, so she was vulnerable to the snake's manipulations. She will now die because she ate it, and because she did not want Adam to take another wife, convinced him to eat it unknowingly. Funnily enough, Adam tried to explain to god that 'she lied to me and gave me the fruit' and in this actual mythology, Adam was punished for listening to his wife. Even without mentioning Lilith in the original mythology, Eve didn't want Adam to take another wife, so when we consider it within the context of Hazbin Hotel, it may be likely that's how it went down. Eve knew of Lilith, knew that she could be replaced, and decided that she would take Adam with her.

I believe that Adam does and did rely on the women in his life to help him with direction. I think Adam knows he can be an idiot and is willing to listen, even if he doesn't agree with what he's hearing. He did listen to Charlie in the beginning, he just didn't believe in her, like everyone else and he, out of anyone there, probably had the most reason not to. Cain and Abel were his and Eve's sons, his own child became the first murderer. Out of jealousy, the same kind of jealousy that no doubt has caused Lilith to act how she did. Adam isn't going to have empathy for sinners. His family, his legacy, were filled with the original sinners. He probably had to kill his son Cain in hell during the first exterminations. What do you think he would have had to feel, if it came to be a fact that sinners could be redeemed? That maybe his son, could've been redeemed? Or any of his progeny for that matter? How did it feel when his sons, his progeny, weren't given the same mercy as the Hellborn that Lucifer managed to keep protected through some deal with the angels or god? Not to mention that Charlie could've been his daughter. Charlie is the product of the people who completely and totally destroyed the paradise he'd been born into. She's the daughter who is protected and immune from the slaughter while all of his sons and daughters are judged and killed. I believe, even though he was a dickish prankster to Charlie, he was surprisingly patient and even somewhat amicable, willing to even ask her how her weekend was like he was just trying to get to know her.

Adam could just see all of the angels under his employ as being disposable. He doesn't have to name them, or think about them in any individual fashion. But, he knows Vaggie, recognized her instantly. Thought she was badass. Lute's the one who saw her, tore her wings off, and walked away. I'm surprised they even let her live, because this just goes against everything they're doing. They're an army and they saw one of their own showing empathy to the enemy.

Look at this dumb ass. He's being a shit-head, a dick, a bastard. But, he admires Vaggie's ability to pull Charlie, congratulates her, this dude isn't even judging her for being a lesbian. I don't think it's because he objectifies women, this dude loves women, he just does. He respects fellow vagina lovers. I don't think he respects liars in the slightest though. He's being underhanded, he's trying to be manipulative (he's not very good at it). I think he's brutally open and honest about everything and that's probably one of the reasons he's such a bastard anyways, because sometimes you just need to shut-up and he's not good at that.

I don't think he respects Sera for that either, he's more than willing to let others know what the hell he's doing, but under Sera's lead, he can't be open about it. I don't think it's his jam to act this way, it's why he sucks so bad at it and I think that's why Lilith is so antithetical to him. I also think that's why he's possibly even being manipulated.

It's kind of crazy that Adam is the only one who tries to come up with what allows someone to get into heaven. So here's his list: 1. Act Selfless: Maybe at one point he was! He had to have been, to be one of the progenitors of mankind, he would have had to work, sacrifice, and give to his wife and children for them all to survive. Eve would have had to do the same, no doubt. He may not seem selfless, due to his raunchy behavior, but he's served heaven since he's been there. He's served humanity in some kind of facet. 2. Don't Steal: Considering the only other humans are his spawn, he likely had to try and get them to not steal from one another for them all to have an equal opportunity of survival. He and Eve likely both knew they would need to work together to survive.

3. Stick it to the man: This, however, is interesting. Who is 'The Man' he speaks of? God? The only other people over him or were equal to him were women. He speaks like a rocker, and I think in this case he's using the term 'The Man' in a gender neutral way. I think he allowed some amount of Authority to Lilith when they were supposed to be seen as equals, it comes so naturally to him as a character when it comes to the other women he's been interacting with. I think she is the 'man' that he's been sticking it to- Pun somewhat intended. ((This third one may also simply be a tongue in cheek reference to when Alex Brightman played Dewey in School of Rock on Broadway! Thank you to the user who brought this to my attention!))

Adam is a bit of a hypocrite, isn't he? He likes to fuck, he's made that abundantly clear. Full of lust you could say. It was his original purpose after all, and he is judging Angel Dust for something he probably would've done himself at one point or has considered doing (maybe not the having sex with men part). Angel Dust does all of these things, Adam doesn't even deny it. He even looks nervous. He's angry, but doesn't deny that Angel has done those things. He doesn't explain it away or try to lie or move the goal posts, he's just asking what is an actually very valid question.

Why isn't Angel Dust there if he can do things equal to what Adam himself hasn't done? Serenity continues that line of thought. It isn't until Charlie is realizing no one knows what it takes to get into heaven.

Adam is more than willing to let Lute take the lead here, he's willing to give her the stage to clap back, he's giving her back-up antics. By all means, they could be pushing and fighting one another, there could easily be body language expressing something other than their general comfort around one another. They aren't fighting for a spotlight like you'd expect Adam to try and do considering his egotistical attitude.

Adam fucking sucks at keeping his mouth shut and he sucks at lying. He nearly blew the secret out of the bag once, this time, Sera is the only one who tries to stop him and to be honest? Lute looks a bit too thrilled at it. He knows he fucked up, but he doesn't think it's a big deal that anyone would know. For fucks sake, they've already condemned souls, his progeny, to suffer. What's the big deal if he kills them?

I have to re-iterate what's happening here. Charlie is proud she caused this chaos, that she caused these angels to fight amongst themselves, even if in this case it's a good thing. But, this is like history repeating itself to Adam, the reflection of his ex-wife, entering his domain, causing strife among his people, being happy about it.

And the venom he expresses when it comes to the 'liar' portion, god Alex Brightman destroyed when he got to this portion specifically. There is some vehement disgust in his tone when he says liar.

Adam isn't a good person now. But, I think he used to be a good person. By all means, Adam himself could've been the first murderer when his wife made her mistake. He, at one point in time, had to have been good enough to foster civilization itself with Eve. Both good and bad. Adam's original purpose was to be fruitful and multiply. Ordained by god (or maybe just angels) himself, divine power directed and created him to fuck. He didn't chase his ex-wife down, he was given a new one, Lilith was allowed to leave. When he left things alone, when he tried to move on, his ex-wife and a scorned angel destroyed the paradise he was in with Eve. He had to struggle and toil, he had to feel shame in his own body. He had to find out his first born son was the first murderer. His second son killed. We don't know if this is going to be canon in the story, a lot has changed, and if Adam is the first soul who reached heaven, then what did happen to Abel? Was Abel considered a sinner? Or did Cain kill Abel after Adam had passed? Either way, he had to witness his children kill, he had to watch his descendants behave in a range from saints and monsters. He's seen genocides, he's seen famine, war. Adam is desensitized to the plights of his descendants. Maybe he even saw it as a duty to cleanse the universe of their existence at one point, because they were his responsibility.

At the end of this episode, he is properly scolded by Sera and does seem ashamed of himself. He isn't huffy, he is reminded that he should be ashamed of acting that way.

I love Lute's enthusiasm, she's absolutely brutal when talking about Vaggie and with how she handled Vaggie. I think it's funny that Lute is so brutal she's even made Adam uncomfortable. It's cute that he's made uncomfortable by the excitement and all he does is tell Lute, the premier hype woman over here, to chill. She's so proud of herself too, look at her.

He fully expects these exorcist bad bitches to go in there and fuck shit up. But, you know it's hilarious that he's throwing horns? This dude, this angel. First human soul in heaven, loving rock n' roll, the devil's music, and throwing motherfucking horns. It's poetic really. I think we can probably assume where things are going.

Now, this is the first point we've seen Adam being a real piece of shit to Lute. I don't think Adam likes it when people think he's too dumb to notice something, especially something so damn obvious. This is such a drastic moment of vitriolic, uncontrolled anger directed towards Lute. Adam knows he isn't the brightest tool in the shed. He likely knows he's obtuse and misses shit. It's why he sucks at lying, he knows he's not smart. That is why I think he's afforded women opportunities to direct him without fighting back against their advice and their choices. I'm sure Lilith made it obvious how dumb she thinks Adam is. I'm wondering if this might be where their ground breaking fight might've come from. Who's to say he didn't allow Lilith to take the lead, or listen to her like he's done with Lute here and now? Perhaps to an even greater point? He listened to Eve and ate from the fruit of knowledge and he was punished for it. Being seen as so dumb he can't formulate a simple fact is a sore spot for him.

Adam is incredibly powerful. It took a bit out of him to exercise that power, probably because he's out of practice just like Lucifer said. At one point, he probably wasn't so sloppy and weak willed. He's gotten lazy. Sloth like.

I think it got real personal here. How viscerally and personally he attacked Charlie. No one but Charlie truly thought sinners could be redeemed, or that they were even worth it. Not even one of the original sinners. Maybe he never considered the possibility, maybe what happened really did make him see the world as black and white to cope with that happened to him, his wife, his children. Charlie's desire to fight this idea would destroy the foundation for all of his coping through the years. He stopped seeing them as family, even though he's grandiose about his founding role in humanity. Does that itch the guilt that may lurk under the surface?

I don't think Adam thought much of Charlie at all. I don't think he had any intention of coming to kill her in the beginning, despite seeing her, despite who her parents were. But, I think with the constant push, with how eager she was to disrupt the pre-conceived idea of order, it reminded Adam and reflected her parents so much, he was eager to kill her for revenge against them. I think this electrical interference on the mask is a direct reflection of sin. Namely, wrath, in this moment.

Now, this. THIS. Is something that made me want to write this whole fucking essay. Is Lucifer implying that he not only gave Eve the Fruit from the tree of knowledge, but FUCKED HER TOO? Homies, I'm sorry but holy shit. That is some hydrating tea. I'd be pretty pissed too, fucked over twice by women who were supposed to be literal soul mates, who you were made for, who were made for you?

I knew he would have a goatee, I could almost hear it. I gotta say, I'm a sucker for how he looks. I think he's hot. He is a bastard, but so are a lot of the hot dudes in this show. It's just a theme.

This exact series of lines prompted so many of the thoughts that I had about Adam and why he thinks or acts the way he does. At one point, Adam did have to work himself to the bone and learn to survive from scratch alongside Eve. He isn't entirely without cause to not think that he deserves some respect or recognition from his descendants.

But, that doesn't give him the right to act like god himself. It's... well... Blasphemous. Isn't it? One of the worst sins is to think yourself to be worthy of worship, as if you're a god.

This is the moment that gave me empathy for them both. You could probably see the kind of loving person Adam could have been at one point with how he looks at Lute, even as he's laying there, dying. He's not crying like a bitch, just looking at Lute softly. Lute screaming for him, screaming his name. They cared for each other deeply.

And this... and this.... and this. WHAT DEAL DID YOU MAKE, LILITH? Did you make it with Sera? Did you make it with Adam? Did you make it with Lute? Did you really just want a little 'vacay' away from the hell you helped create? Left her husband, depressed and lonely. Left her daughter without any care or guidance. Maybe Alastor was sent in her place, perhaps? Seven years since he was seen after all, but why wouldn't he show up sooner if Lilith did care? Did she make a deal with Lute and Adam? Did she let Adam smash it so she could stay in heaven? Did Lute let her stay in exchange for getting Adam out of a position of power? Or was it maybe Sera who commissioned Lilith with a deal? Either way, I'm in full belief that it wasn't Adam's idea to move the extermination day up. I think he's a patsy, a scapegoat. I think Lute may have been manipulated, potentially, into manipulating Adam into this position. Was it even really Adam who came up with the idea to do the exterminations? Or was he the one who simply decided to fight originally because he was told heaven was at risk due to Lilith's rising power? The Road to Hell is Paved with Good Intentions. I think it could be any number of these. Either way, Lute certainly does think she had authority over Lilith. Is it Lute just having hubris? Or is Lilith truly bound, just like Alastor, Husk, and Angel Dust?

Of course, now that we know a soul can be redeemed... and we certainly know that angels can fall. I don't think this will be the last we see of Adam.