#but shes doing so well now! she wears jeans! her mental health has improved enough that she not only can wear clothes wothout dying but

[be-good-to-bugs]

touhou makes me SOOOO happy

[lakesbian]

“Fair. Here… Let me pick the clothes, and if anything goes wrong, you blame me, deal?” She dug through the clothes in my closet, “Jeans and… let’s see… a crop top to show off that belly of yours.”

see, shit like this entire scene is why briantaylor lisataylor and racheltaylor are all real to me simultaneously. it's literally classic weird codependent yuri that taylor's Girlbestie (who she met a week or two ago tops):

goes around ruffling her hair

calls her hyper-familiar pet names

casually and without permission snoops through her texts to the boy she has a crush on

invites herself into taylor's room while she's nakey to change

makes invasive yet fully accurate declarative statements about taylor's emotions

inserts herself into things by micromanaging taylor's outfit selection and saying "blame me if anything goes wrong"

and, of course, is doing all this shit while lying to taylor to obscure from her that 1. she is trying to manipulate-fix her into having better mental health so she doesn't kill herself and 2. has been hiding from everyone that their boss has coercively enslaved her and she can do nothing but decide that this is her life now and, if she wears the mask perfectly enough, she'll be able to keep everyone living the comforting lie she keeps telling the team. that's all well and unhinged of her and one reason among many lisataylor is real and true, although not in the simple "they're dating" sense.

the thing is that if all that were true and then taylor did just go to brian's house this arc and confess and he was like Teehee...I like you too :) and then they started dating normalstyle, that would be fucking nothing. we would have to throw brian out a window forever in favor of the shit taylor has going on with rachel and lisa. BUT. here's the critical part. taylor's relationship with brian is also weird and dysfunctional and mutually neurotic.

he rejects her at first because his ability to understand his own emotions and also not view women through a deeply paternalistic misogynist lens is so low he at first mistakes romantic attraction as meaning he wants this girl he just met to "be like a little sister to him someday." like, he psychologically does not know how to have women in his life who are in categories other than "coworkers i bicker with" or "little sister i love and want to care for (which i express dysfunctionally because i am 17 and traumatized)," and because taylor is closer to someone he cares deeply about than to a coworker he bickers with, he tries to sort her into the second category instead of acknowledging that she's a secret third thing (girl he wants to be friends with and date).

and taylor is so socially inadequate she's about to kiss him at random without consent and then tell him to go with it As A Favor so she can piss off one of her bullies who happens to be on the same bus as them. Taylor you can't just do that to people. and a bit past that she's going to refuse to mercy kill him after he gets hung on the meat freezer cross. no one here knows how to have a normal teenage relationship. they're all weird and dysfunctional and codependent. Even the straight couple. Could've been milquetoast but dodged it by a mile via everyone involved being fucking weird and bad at understanding themselves. it's fantastic. youve gotta hand it to wildbow re briantaylor. only thing that can improve it is deciding to read it as if racheltaylor and lisataylor are also true.

[hclfhearted-a]

21, 32, 40, 41, 42, 43

RANDOM OC QUESTIONS    /     @sunbruise​​

21. Do they have a temper? Are they patient? What are they like when they do lose their temper?

she does have a bit of a temper, though it’s quick. if she gets frustrated enough, she might snap for a moment but then she just fizzles out && then just immediately goes to upset silence. when she loses her temper, she isn’t going to hit anyone or be physical in any way, but she might shout or cry when she’s angry - especially when it’s from frustration. lillian is a big fan of the silent treatment, but that’s probably from her parent’s influence who used to do it to her when they were angry at her. she is absolutely not patient - she’s impatient as hell, but given the situation she’s more likely just to rant in her head about it than actually take it out on the person (such as in cases of it being at a restaurant, for example) as she knows it’s probably not the person’s fault && it’s not going to kill her to wait a couple more minutes for something. If it’s towards friends, or people that know her well enough that they probably won’t get angry with her for her impatience, she might let out a whiny, ‘come on’ or ‘hurry up’.

32. What do they dress like? What sorta shops do they buy clothes from? Do they wear the fashion that they like? What do they wear to sleep? Do they wear makeup? What’s their hair like?

due to her thin blood && her heart not regulating body temperature as well, she’s always cold, so don’t be surprised when even in summer she’s carrying around a sweater just in case. lillian has big autumn aesthetic, primarily wearing colors like oranges, reds, browns, && dark blues && greens. she likes fuzzy sweaters, turtlenecks, skinny jeans, boots, && soft berets - it’s almost hard to remember that she primarily (meaning her main canon) lives in a place where there’s almost no seasons. due to her upbringing, lillian dresses pretty conservatively, even when she’s wearing skirts or dresses, they are typically to the knee or longer, && she doesn’t wear too many things that are low cut on top (also because she’s self conscious about her chest scar). to bed, she generally wears a two piece set that’s long sleeve, long pants, && in winter they’re fuzzy. she will wear socks to bed too but they usually end up kicked off. when it comes to jewelry, she has no piercings, but she is fond of necklaces, especially crystals, or the simple kind with a single pendant. lillian doesn’t like bracelets because they get in the way when she writes && it feels weird to wear it on her other wrist. lillian keeps her makeup relatively simple && natural - though she admires those who can do more complicated things with it - she just doesn’t know how nor does she think it would look good on her. her favorite kind of makeup is lipstick && she likes the kind that is more matte, though sparkles are sometimes fun. lillian prefers to wear her hair down, it comes just past her shoulders, though when she’s in study mode or needs to keep it out of the way, she wears it in a high ponytail. she doesn’t spend too much time doing her hair - thankfully, hers is pretty manageable without much issue - but she does keep it clean && loves using wonderful smelling shampoos && conditioners. her clothes are a weird mix of designer, department store, walmart, && hand-made. her parents can really only afford walmart with the occasional department store item (typically something that she’s going to have for years), however lillian’s aunt && uncle are wealthy enough that they were the ones putting her through private school && helping pay her medical bills, so occasionally she might get a designer item or two (most of the time it’s a hand me down from a cousin). if she was honest, lillian doesn’t really care either way - it doesn’t matter to her where the item came from, so long as it looks like something she’d wear/use && that’s generally the case. as for the hand-made items - lillian can knit! she loves knitting people cute things, from clothing to little stuffed animals && some of her things she made herself - she loves them the most.

40. Do they like energy drinks? Coffee? Sugary food? Or can they naturally stay awake and alert?

absolutely not! lillian can not have such things! as per her cardiologist’s orders - things like coffee && energy drinks could really make her sick, if not cause major problems with her heart. now - during the autumn she might get an iced pumpkin spice latte from starbucks in their smallest size && keep it in the refrigerator && drink it over a period of several days because she likes the taste but can’t have the caffeine, but otherwise she doesn’t touch the stuff for her own health. she will drink decaffeinated teas, though, like the relaxation kind. she doesn’t eat a ton of sugary food either, due to dietary restrictions, but she does enjoy things like pies, doughnuts, && sour candy - she just has to eat it in strict portions. can lillian stay awake && alert naturally? to a degree - she’s gotten better at it because of school && studying requires her to learn how to keep awake for long periods of time, but she doesn’t really have much of a choice in it because she’s only allowed to keep awake through natural methods.

41. What’s their sexuality? What do they find attractive? Physically and mentally? What do they like/need in a relationship?

question answered over here!

42. What are their goals? What would they sacrifice anything for? What is their secret ambition?

currently, in her main canon, she’s going to school for pediatric cardiology, as she wants to work with children who have the same sort of conditions she does. she really wants to help improve the research on congenital conditions && help the next generation of kids who are diagnosed with heart defects live longer && happier lives. she isn’t sure if she’ll be able to do it - she’s smart, but being a doctor is exhausting work && she’s got prejudice against her disability riding against her, but she’s trying her best. some of the things she considers dumb because they are more hobby goals, not life goals, is she wants to improve on her roller skating && be able to do more tricks && she’d like to learn how to do more complicated knitting patterns, perhaps even open a little online business so that she can earn enough money to move out of her parent’s house. she’s not sure what she’d sacrifice anything for, but probably something to do with her work in medicine, helping people. she wants to make a real difference in the medical community. her secret ambition that she doesn’t think will happen is to invent a new medical procedure or medicine that ends up saving a ton of lives. as a bonus, here are some fandom universe secret goals she has.

all for the game: she wishes to help start an exy league for people who wish to play but are disabled && get them to be able to play in the special olympics && win medals.

harry potter: make hogwarts (or any other of the wizarding schools) && the wizarding world in general more accessible && friendly for disabled witches && wizards.

percy jackson: this is more personal, but lillian wonders if the other demigods at camp jupiter don’t think her worthy because she can’t physically keep up with a lot of them, so she wishes to be able to go on her first mission && do well so they will like her.

the shadowhunter chronicles: she wishes to learn more about her powers (she’s a warlock) && be able to help people. she wants to be known for it like magnus bane.

43. Are they religious? What do they think of religion? What do they think of religious people? What do they think of non religious people?

sort of? lillian was raised catholic, went to church, went to a catholic private school for all her years until she graduated from high school. she considers herself kind of non-practicing right now, since she doesn’t go to church && she’s a bit more critical of organized religion now that she has experienced what it was like to grow up under it && is able to branch out more. she might still pray from time to time, avoid saying ‘oh my god’, && other things that she’s been conditioned with since she was a child, but she wouldn’t consider herself as devout as her family - not that she’d say it to them. she likes the concept of religion - of all religions - the idea that people have something to comfort them && she sees nothing wrong with religious people, but she doesn’t like how pushy some can be && those who disrespect other’s beliefs. she graduated with people who are still very devout like her cousins, && those who hated catholic upbringing so much they went full atheist, && she respects them both so long as they aren’t rude. in more fandom specific verses: in the percy jackson verse, she’s raised catholic at home - mainly her mother’s doing - && she’s uncomfortable because she worries she’s disrespecting carna && the other gods && goddesses. but, she does what she has to in order to avoid fights with her mother. in her shadowhunter && harry potter verse, she deals with the fact that she’s got magic && that’s considered demonic by her parents && it creates a lot of tension when she’s home to the point in her shadowhunter verse, she’s kicked out on the street the day she turns eighteen.

[wuzzybear]

The Accidentals- A bad fucking week. part 1

A group of broke adults join a medical trial hoping for some easy cash but instead get a lot more than what they wanted. There is something bad at play and they need to work it out if they ever want to be normal, not that they were normal before.

 Laura walked in through the door of her shoddy apartment, the lights flickering on as she slumped down on her stained sofa, she wanted to order takeaway but knew she didn't have the money, life was way to expensive and this week had been a pile of horse shit if any one had been, her car was in the garage after it broke down a couple days ago, the bill was so high she would need to not eat for a month.  Before getting off shift today she had seen a family of five burn, only 2 getting out alive, a baby and the father.  She tried to not let her job get to her but fighting fires was the easiest part, watching the families as they realise that not everyone made it is the worst, you can feel the guilt in the air. We are trained to move on, you can't take every death personally or it kills you from the inside but whenever i see a family torn apart so abruptly the worry stays on my heart, seeing happy families destroyed was definitely the worst part of her job but laura still loved the job and everyone struggles with it so she just tries to leave the worry at work,but today it followed her home, there was just something about today, the fire had started in the oldest’s room, probably faulty electrics, she was barely out of primary school, just starting to think she was a grown up, it had already killed the middle kid by the time anyone realised and the mother just breathed in to much smoke, it was come and go for a bit but in the end she didn't even make it to the hospital. A happy family reduced to two, a morning father and a 2 month old girl, how she survived I don't know. All that innocence and such young lives torn away so quickly. 

 Laura stood up shaking her head, it's not good to stay focused on the bad things, noodles and beer and an early night and she can sort everything else out in the morning.She has parents she can beg for money,they won't be happy but they wont let her starve,she just wishes she didn't have to call.  For tonight she resigned herself to the sofa with a bottle of cheap beer and some veg noodles, strolling through the internet. Eventually the sun was long gone and the shame came creeping back, she was sitting here running from her responsibilities with beer, noodles and a blanket around her, just trying to hide away on the internet, she was a grown woman, an adult. She closed down Reddit and opened her emails, this was an adult thing, she could clear her inbox. Ad,ad,ad,scam,ad,ad, important thing she should of replied too, she was trying to be grown up but that was slightly too grown up, ad, bank statement, don't want to look at that, oh nice easy one, the unit chief is trying to set up a quiz night, he needs to know when i'm free, i can do that. After a couple minutes of checking her calendar, which was embarrassingly empty she had formed an adult but chill response. There! She had been an adult, she had written an email and deleted a few more. She scanned over the rest hoping they could wait a few more days until a quiet moment at work, one caught her eye, an email from a trial company, she did a couple of studies a few years back to get some extra cash and extra cash was just what she needed, she looked into it, it was a medical study looking into a mental health drug, they needed people with diagnosed mental illness so she knew she would fit right in. Drug trials were not her thing but the pay was pretty good, two injections a week, £50 each, it lasted 12 months but you could leave whenever, just under £5,000 for the whole year, she probably wouldn't hang on that long but long enough that she could fix her beat up Honda and still eat. Honestly how could she resist? The testing facility was a 15 minute walk away from the fire station as well. Fuck me if was perfect, no nagging from anyone about “being an adult” and “looking after your finances”. Laura finally went to bed that night, slightly tipsy, exhausted but slightly less stressed.

Laura had 2 days until she got paid and she had her first appointment for the trial today, it was a rolling study so there was no set start date. She had promised Steve, the mechanic down the road, that he would get paid the bill as soon as she got paid so that he would carry on working with no money upfront, to be honest he totally owned Laura one, she had set him up with an ex of hers about a year back and she had never seen him happier. She walked up to a little privately owned clinic that she had never noticed before, it was smart but felt way to clinical, the lights were so bright it burnt and like all of these places the smell of cleaner was so strong you could taste it, she popped her phone into the pocket of her oversized jacket as she came to the front desk, the lady at the desk looked he up and down, I suppose she didn't really look like she belonged, it didn't look like a cheap sort of place.” hi i'm here for the trial, umm.. Laura Burmwell” Laura muttered into the ground,she hated reception staff, they always seemed super judgy and this lady was no different, she tapped away at her screen for a few very awkward moments and sighed, pointing me to a section of chairs near the back. Pulling her earphones out she landed in a seat. 

“Don’t worry she wasn't very nice to me either” a voice chucked next to her, a small grinning woman sat there tapping on her phone, Laura smiled back, she was gorgeous, long black hair down to her waist, out shining Laura's dirty blonde mess any day.

 “I’m glad she doesn't just hate me” Lorna joked, internally panicking. Why is such a cute woman actually talking to me? She suddenly felt amazingly under dressed, she was sat next to a stunning women who was clearly ready to go to work in a nice yellow dress and a jacket and she is there look like a gay hobo, hair up in yesterdays bun and a t shirt that has dinosaurs on it, at she is wearing smartish jeans. “I’m Laura, are you here for the study?” she smiled. 

“Preet, yeah, i'm hoping they can cure the fuckery going on in my head before the end of it” she chuckled but I could see the blush forming over her skin as she processed what she had said, Laura just snorted, tapping her leg on the linoleum floor, trying to think of something to say, her mind in overdrive.

“Nervous?” Preet questioned.

 “i just haven't been in a drug trial for years, what if I grow four heads or something?” She joked, Preet actually burst out laughing, tears starting to form in her eyes, which got Laura laughing too, they just sat there trying to hide there laughter from the rest of the very serious looking members of the waiting room, finally after about 5 minutes they both calmed down enough to speak, laughter still glistening in their eyes.

“ but seriously these drugs will of been tested for years before it gets to these sorts of tests, its perfectly safe, they are just proving it and checking out side effects, I’m sure you wont grow any more heads.”  At that moment Preet’s name was called over the speaker system, Secretly both of them were hoping they had been forgotten about so they could sit here and chat all day but neither of them said it. 

“See you later Laura” Preet called as she picked up her stuff and started to follow the now waiting nurse. 

Lorna went back to her music, trying to pull a stupid grin off her face. 

1941- September 5th

I walked into surgery, on the bench was the patient, a young soldier, barley 19. He was burning up. Nurse Weber was standing there, trying to cool him down while setting up. He had a gun wound that was starting to get infected and the bullet had yet been removed. We set to work, removing infected tissue and finding bits of the shattered bullet but further we got the more futile it became, he kept losing blood and nothing we could do would keep his temperature down, he was pretty much dead in front of us. The nurse looked up, exhaustion in every wrinkle in her face, defeat in her eyes, I’m sure she had been on duty when he came on, over 10 hours earlier. With an air of defect  I started sawing him up, giving him a dose of penicillin and covering the wound with gauze. I doubt he would make the night but we had tried. I removed my bloodied gloves and left. Hoping to be able to rest now. My eyes started over at the dying children and men who fill the halls. when will the war end, when will the suffering stop, have not enough died for the righteous cause? I started towards the boards, I was still on duty for another few days before I could head home. As i passed through the corridors i passed a officer asking about his son, every has someone fighting in this war to end all wars, he came to a halt in front of me desperately asking for his sons condition, i had treated him when he first got brought in, he was going to make it but he no longer had a left leg, a bomb had hit near trench and had impaled his leg. As he quickly dismissed me, relief clear on his face, you could clearly see the shine on his Swastika pin. “Heil Hitler” I murmured as he marched away into the chaos.

This is my first attempt writing, please tell me how to improve! this is the first part of a longer story.

[fyeahjeaninnocent]

So it occurred to me that some people in the Rebecca Front fandot might be hesistant about reblogging yesterday’s really great interview with her, since it was posted on The D@ily M@il. So, I’ve taken the liberty of  copying the transcript here (below the cut) so that people can still read it without that controversial site in their browser history.

'Sex symbol? I’ve still got it!': Actress Rebecca Front on body confidence and what she's got in common with Theresa May

By KERRY POTTER FOR YOU MAGAZINE

From The Thick of It to War & Peace, REBECCA FRONT’s talent for portraying powerful women has won her legions of male fans. She tells Kerry Potter about body confidence, her (teenage) fashion mentor and what she’s got in common with Theresa May.

Rebecca Front is fixing me with The Look. Even the most cursory of TV viewers will be familiar with it: stern and authoritative, as seen on Chief Superintendent Jean Innocent in ITV crime drama Inspector Lewis (three years on from Rebecca’s departure, her co-star Laurence Fox still calls her ‘ma’am’).

She also deployed it in her role as cabinet minister Nicola Murray in the BBC political satire The Thick of It, as well as in her matriarch roles in period dramas War & Peace and Doctor Thorne. And now The Look is back for Rebecca’s turn in Kay Mellor’s new register-office-set BBC One drama Love, Lies and Records. She plays Judy, an awkward, jobsworth registrar who is furious when she gets overlooked for promotion in favour of her nemesis: gregarious, chaotic working mother Kate, played by Ashley Jensen.

Right now, I am nervously witnessing an impromptu demonstration of The Look up close. We won’t call it ‘resting b**ch face’ because Rebecca doesn’t like the word b**ch: ‘We wouldn’t call a man that.’ We settle for ‘resting angry face’.

‘It’s useful to be able to look quite scary,’ she says. ‘I’m really bad at complaining about things in shops or restaurants because I don’t like confrontation, but sometimes I don’t need to complain because you can just see it in my face.’ And with that, The Look is gone as she breaks into a grin. ‘I am quite a smiley person; I’m actually not stern enough. I’m quite soft and woolly by nature.’

She’s also a million times sexier than many of her characters. ‘I’ve got much more body confident as I’ve got older. I’m fitter and more muscly. I go to the gym three times a week. My teenage daughter [Tilly, 16] has given me more self-assurance. We shop together a lot and I pick up clothes and say, “I don’t think I can get away with that.” And she says, “What does that mean? You’re setting yourself a rule and that’s ridiculous. You tell me not to do that, so why should you?” So I’ve upped my game: I dress more confidently, I carry myself more confidently. You only live once.’

She’s about to get her ears pierced for the second time in recent years, egged on by Tilly, having previously been too scared. That’s the only needle she’ll tolerate though – cosmetic surgery is a big no. ‘Women are under so much pressure: the thought that you have to change your body to be accommodated in society seems wrong to me. I’m hesitant to say I hate it because I don’t want to judge people for doing it – I understand the impulse – but it worries me.’

At 53, Rebecca is happy to look her age. ‘It bothers me that people aren’t allowed to grow old naturally because there’s a beauty in that. I know it’s a cliché but confidence is the sexiest thing and if more women felt confident about the way they looked, they wouldn’t need to have those procedures. It takes guts to say, “I’ve got wrinkles and crow’s feet and I’m not bothered about it. I quite like them, actually.”’

Her tendency to play powerful, brusque characters has won her a legion of male fans. ‘Some men are really drawn to authoritative women, aren’t they? I occasionally get messages from men asking for photos of my shoes because they probably imagine I’m wearing really scary stilettos. I mean, I am today, but usually I think, “Erm, do you want a picture of my trainers?”’

Her turn as Chief Superintendent Innocent especially caught people’s imagination, reportedly inspiring erotic fanfiction about the relationship between Innocent and Laurence Fox’s character DS James Hathaway. ‘I try not to engage with that stuff,’ Rebecca hoots.

Kay Mellor, creator of big-hearted, women-centric dramas such as Band of Gold and Fat Fighters, had the idea for Loves, Lies and Records when she attended a register office to record the death of her mother, noting how the location was a microcosm for life’s highs and lows. Accordingly, the first episode is a rollercoaster of emotion, as sad as it is funny, taking in births, deaths and marriages.

Despite appearances, Rebecca says she’s not made of stern enough stuff to work in that environment. ‘I wear my heart on my sleeve too much for a job like that. With all the deaths and babies, I wouldn’t last more than five minutes. I cry very easily since having my children.’ (As well as Tilly, Rebecca and her TV producer/writer husband Phil Clymer have 18-year-old Oliver.) Being a cry baby does have benefits though: ‘I’ve become a much better actor since I had children. It’s made me less self-conscious and opened up a fast-track to accessing my emotions.’

Creating Judy was a welcome challenge: ‘I thought, how on earth am I going to play this woman as I have nothing in common with her? She has no sense of humour, she’s antisocial, she’s judgmental. We would not get on at all. But I didn’t want to play her like a cartoon villain. She’s just complicated. She’s a human being and it’s my job to understand why she does what she does and find a way into her head.’

The careers of Rebecca and her co-star Ashley Jensen have bloomed in a similar way, with both making the successful transition from comedy to drama. On graduating from Oxford, Rebecca began her career in radio comedy in the early 1990s, working with Armando Iannucci (who went on to create The Thick of It) and Steve Coogan.

Moving into TV, Rebecca starred in the Alan Partridge canon, with shows such as The Day Today, and later in Nighty Night, Queers and The Catherine Tate Show. Ashley, meanwhile, made her name in Extras and Ugly Betty as well as, more recently, in Catastrophe.

‘I’m in awe of Ashley – those shifts she makes between comedy moments and moving moments are effortless,’ says Rebecca. The two bonded so well off-camera that at one point they had a giggling fit so epic, crew members filmed it on their phones.

The current state of politics, however, is less of a laughing matter for Rebecca. Does she wish they were still making The Thick of It? ‘Things have gone so mad it would be hard to find fictional ideas that were crazier than what we’re going through,’ she says. ‘Even Armando couldn’t top this.’

Having played Nicola Murray, she says she has more sympathy for politicians, especially female ones. Indeed, she’s more charitable about Theresa May than you might expect a left-leaning actor to be: ‘We judge women in public life in a different way. She gets criticised for her hair, for what she wears, for being unemotional – I don’t think that would get levelled at a man. I suspect she’s probably a very nice woman. I don’t know her but I don’t look at her and think, “She’s evil.” It’s not a job I’d want in a million years in this toxic political environment. She’s doing an incredibly difficult job.’

And the two women share one characteristic: being a bit square. When asked to share a secret, Rebecca pauses: ‘I’m hesitant about saying anything that will sound like May admitting that running through a wheat field was the naughtiest thing she’d ever done. After she said that, my children said, “Mum that’s you! That’s the answer you would have given!” I’m such a square. I was head girl at school and I’m so law-abiding. If I saw a wheat field I would only enter it if there was a sign saying, “Please run here.”’

Having suffered from anxiety since she was a child, growing up in Northeast London, Rebecca now campaigns on mental health issues as an ambassador for the charity Anxiety UK. Her claustrophobia was written into her role in The Thick of It in a scene where Nicola refuses to get into a lift and is memorably blasted by her spin-doctor colleague, the legendarily vitriolic Malcolm Tucker (Peter Capaldi), as an ‘omnishambles’ (a word, she notes with glee, that’s now in the Oxford English Dictionary).

How did Rebecca feel about her private, real-life issues becoming the butt of a joke? ‘I’ve found humour is the best tool to deal with anxiety. You can’t afford to take it too seriously because it just gets worse,’ she smiles. She still struggles a little with lifts and can’t see herself ever travelling by tube. ‘These days I check in every so often with CBT [cognitive behavioural therapy], maybe once or twice a year if I feel I need a reboot.’

With the tube off limits, she often travels to and from her North London family home by bus. ‘I find them very relaxing and you get great material on buses: people do and say funny things. Nobody expects to see actors on the bus so fans often tweet me to say, “I saw your lookalike on the bus today.” No, it was me!’

She is heartened by Princes William and Harry speaking out about mental health issues. ‘I thought it was great, bless them for doing that. I don’t think the stigma has entirely gone, but it’s really improved.’

But back to business. When it comes to work, Rebecca has never been busier. She’s just finished Down a Dark Hall, a supernatural movie starring Uma Thurman; she’s filming a TV comedy pilot next week, and she recently delivered the draft of her second book of personal essays, following 2014’s Curious. What’s left? ‘Oh, I’m still hugely ambitious,’ she says. ‘There’s loads of stuff I want to do: some Shakespeare, a lot more theatre and drama that will really stretch me as it’s only been in the past few years that I’ve really started to use my drama chops.’

What about playing a femme fatale? ‘I’d love to do that,’ she sighs. ‘But I don’t know if that’s going to come up because there’s still this ageist culture. People don’t think of you like that when you’re over 40. We had a lunch party at our house the other day and I was the youngest woman there. I looked around the table and thought, “Just look at all these fabulous, well-dressed, attractive, funny women in their 50s and 60s.” Why don’t we see that on TV very often?’ I can imagine she’d only have to give a room of casting directors The Look and that would change.

And regardless, she’s blazing a trail as the thinking-man’s sex symbol. ‘I’d be flattered to think that. I’ve still got it going on!’ she grins, slinking out of the door to her waiting car. The Prime of Ms Rebecca Front? You had better believe it.

Rebecca rates

Fashion picks-- I’m too cheap to spend thousands on a frock. When I won a Bafta [for playing Nicola Murray in The Thick of It], I wore a £100 dress from Coast. I like AllSaints, Zara and Asos, and I live in jeans and shirts.

Reading-- The Shock of the Fall by Nathan Filer. It’s told from the perspective of a young man trying to make sense of a life-changing event.

Best beauty product --My daughter introduced me to Mac’s Prep + Prime Fix + finishing spray. It sets your make-up and gives you a bit of a glow.

Listening to Political podcasts – Pod Save America and West Wing Weekly are my favourites. My son, who is travelling, listens too, and we message each other about them.

Breakfast --Avocado and poached eggs on toast – and it’s got to have chilli flakes, otherwise forget it.

Watching --The Shop Around the Corner, a little-known screwball comedy with James Stewart. It’s my favourite go-to feel-good film.

Guilty pleasure-- Hollywood Medium with Tyler Henry. I don’t believe it for a minute but I don’t care, it’s so much fun. I snuggle up with my daughter and watch it.

Most treasured possession-- A book in which I wrote down sweet things my kids used to say at bed time and bath time when they were little.

Tipple of choice-- A dry martini with an olive.

Describe yourself in three words-- Thoughtful, kind and funny – at least, I aspire to be.

Dream dinner-party guests-- We have quite a lot of them over already. Frances Barber is great company and a friend of mine. Ditto Barry Cryer – he’s hilarious. And Jane Austen would have been a hoot, I reckon.

How would you like to be remembered?-- As someone who brightened people’s day.

[darling-wendy-bird]

QUESTIONNAIRE ~Wendy Darling~

General

1. Describe the character’s height and build. Is he heavyset, thin, short, rangy?     Wendy is of average height, though on the shorter side at 5′5″. She has    always been thin, but that is due more towards genetics than exercising.

2. How old is he?     Wendy is twenty years old!

3. Describe his posture. Does he/she carry himself well or does he/she slouch?    When she was a teenager, her father insisted on etiquette lessons for when    she would be “running the house”. That of course included extensive training    in posture. Ever since, she’s walked with perfect posture: stand up straight,    shoulders back, chin up.

4. How is his health? Is he fit or out of shape? Any illnesses or conditions? Any physical disabilities?    Wendy is in perfect health. With her upbringing, she’s never had any troubles    regarding illnesses. Yearly checkups keep her healthy.

5.  How does he move? Is he clumsy, graceful, tense, fluid?     Wendy moves quite gracefully, taking after her mother. Her mother looked     like she was walking on air. At a young age, Wendy started mimicking her     mother’s stride thinking all mothers should move that way. She’s been     walking like her mother ever since.

6. How attractive is this character physically? How does he perceive himself in the mirror?    Another thing she had taken after her mother was her looks. People would    always compliment Wendy on her appearance, especially once she started    growing up. Plenty of her father’s coworkers and bosses would say how she    had grown into a beautiful woman. But to Wendy, she just looked like herself.

7. Describe his complexion. Dark, light, clear, scarred?    Wendy has a very fair complexion. England isn’t known for its beaches. And    the rain tends to chase the sun away most days. Plus, spending all of her    time inside studying didn’t help her tan.

8. Describe his hair: color, texture, style.    Her hair is a darker brown that is mostly manageable on most days. Her    waves only look nice after she’s taken a few minutes to style them. Most    days, her hair is down. When she needs to look professional, it’s always    pulled back.

9. What color are his/her eyes?    Brown.

10. Does the character have any other noteworthy features?      Something really no one knows is that she has freckles on her right      shoulder blade that look like two stars.

11. What are his/her chief tension centers?      Definitely her head. She gets headaches when she’s been studying/reading      for too long.

12. What is the character’s wardrobe like? Casual, dressy, utilitarian? Bright colors, pastels, neutrals? Is it varied, or does he/she have six of the same suit?      Wendy dresses very classy, sticking to neutral or richer color tones. She      never wears brightly colored outfits as it will draw attention to her,      something her father said was unbecoming for a young lady. On the      weekends, she tends to wear more casual clothing, occasionally breaking      out the jeans. You can find things from her closet here.

13. Do his/her clothes fit well? Does he/she seem comfortable in them?      The way a person dresses helps form first impressions, so Wendy always      makes sure her clothes are presentable.

14. Does he/she dress the same on the job as he/she does in his free time? If not, what are the differences?      If Wendy is going out, to school, or to a job, she dresses business or      business casual. The only time she dresses down is when she is not going      out in public or is in for a long night at the library.

15. You knew it was coming: Boxers, briefs or commando?      Wendy is too much of a lady to answer such a question.

Speech

1. What does this character’s voice sound like? High-pitched, deep, hoarse?    Wendy’s voice is midrange with her signature English accent.

2. How does he/she normally speak? Loud, soft, fast, evenly? Does he/she talk easily, or does he/she hesitate?    A lot of it depends on the situation. She is really good at understanding    people and figuring out the best way to approach someone.

3. Does the character have a distinct accent or dialect? Any individual quirks of pronunciation? Any, like, you know, verbal tics?    She’s got an English accent that she is mighty proud of.

4. What language/s does he/she speak, and with how much fluency?    Wendy speaks English fluently. She is able to speak French without much    trouble but not well enough to call herself a native speaker.

5. Does he/she switch languages or dialects in certain situations?    Nope!

6. Is he/she a good impromptu speaker, or does he/she have to think about his words?    Part of her “growing up lessons” included instructions on public speaking, so    she is quite comfortable in front of a crowd. While she would prefer to have a    speech planned out and practiced, she can improv a few short words if    needed.

7.  Is he/she eloquent or inarticulate? Under what circumstances might this change?    Wendy is very eloquent. Being in upper middle class British citizen, she    knows what to say. The only time she really loses her eloquence is when she    gets incredibly angry.

Mental and Emotional

1. How intelligent is this character? Is he/she book-smart or street-smart?    Wendy is very much book-smart. She couldn’t survive on the street by herself    to save her life. The only thing she learned about “the streets” was don’t get    killed, sound advice given by the lost boys.

2. Does he/she think on his feet, or does he/she need time to deliberate?    She likes to think things through to make sure she is making the right choice.    (It has absolutely nothing to do with making a pros and cons list...)

3. Describe the character’s thought process. Is he/she more logical, or more intuitive? Idealistic or practical?    She tends to be more of a practical thinker. When she was younger, she used    to be an idealist, thinking the world was wonderful and full of fun and love.    Now, she realizes that that was her own folly. The only thing she still thinks    about idealistically is romance. She really wants a fairy tale love, no matter    what she may say.

4. What kind of education has the character had?    Wendy has completed all of her schooling but the last two years of university    with top marks.  

5. What are his/her areas of expertise? What, if anything, is he/she interested in learning more about?    Somehow Wendy has been able to retain all the information about fairy tales    and storytelling that she learned when she was younger. No matter what she    or her father did nothing seemed to leave her brain. Sometimes she wishes    she could return to that world. In terms of practical information, she is very    much school smart and is fairly good at the usual school topics.

6. Is he/she an introvert or an extrovert?    Wendy is a mixture, leaning more towards being an introvert simply because    of her being able to relate to people.

7. Describe the character’s temperament. Is he/she even-tempered or does he/she have mood swings? Cheerful or melancholy? Laid-back or driven?    Wendy is probably the calmest person in all situations. She has seen a lot in    her time with the lost boys. She also knows that panic and fear in any    situation can make everything worse. Overall, she is a cheery person but is a    stickler for rules. If she sees someone breaking them, she’s not afraid to        reprimand them.

8. How does he/she respond to new people or situations? Is he/she suspicious, relaxed, timid, enthusiastic?    Wendy loves meeting new people! She is absolutely the mom friend and    welcomes everyone she meets under her wing.

9. Is he/she more likely to act, or to react?    It depends on the situation. If something is happening to her, she will    definitely react. But if something is happening to someone else, she will be    the first one by their side.

10. Which is his/her default: fight or flight?      Wendy definitely fights. She may act like a proper lady, but she’s got some      fire in her.

11. Describe the character’s sense of humor. Does he/she appreciate jokes? Puns? Gallows humor? Bathroom humor? Pranks?      She is very easy to make laugh. Cheesy jokes and clever puns are enough      to make her to lose it.

12. Does the character have any diagnosable mental disorders? If yes, how does he/she deal with them?      None that I’m aware of!

13. What moments in this character’s life have defined him/her as a person?      One of her most defining moments was really more of a time period. Ever      since John was born, Wendy had read bedtime stories to her younger      brother to help him fall asleep. Once Michael was born, she started acting      out the stories to distract her brothers from the increasing absence of their      parents. Telling stories had been her favorite thing in the world. It had      allowed her to be creative and nurture her talent for storytelling. At one      point, Wendy dreamed of being an author. The second most defining      moment happened right on her thirteenth birthday. It was also the worst day      of her life. It was the day Mr. Darling declared she was old enough to be      considered a lady and needed to start acting like one. Since then, she had      been forced to focus on nothing but her studying and etiquette lessons. The      third most defining moment in her life was the day she met Peter. She was      seventeen and got easily swept up in the person that is Peter. The lost boys      quickly saw her as a mother and she welcomed them with open arms. They      had shown her a side of London that she never knew existed and opened      her eyes.

14. What does he/she fear?      She hates everything that has to do with insects. There’s something about      the creepy crawlies that scare the living daylights out of her. On a deeper      level, she’s scared of not finding love and marrying only to please her      parents. There are many things she will do for them, but the one thing she      wants to call her own is her husband.

15. What are his/her hopes or aspirations?      She wants to find true love and have all the children she can. After being      with the lost boys for so long, it made her realize how much she loves      children and being a mother. The one thing she’ll never say aloud is that she      still wants to write a book.

16. What is something he/she doesn’t want anyone to find out about him/her?      Wendy wants to be a published author. And she resents her father. But she      will take that secret to the grave.

Relationships

1. Describe this character’s relationship with his/her parents.    Wendy and her father have a very...professional relationship. There’s not a    time where she can remember an affectionate touch or a reassuring word    come from the man. Mrs. Darling acts more parental than her husband. She    freely gives hugs to her children when in private and will tell them when she’s    proud of them.

2. Does the character have any siblings? What is/was their relationship like?    Wendy has two younger siblings, John and Michael! When they were    younger, the three were inseparable. Currently, their relationship is very    strained as the boys think Wendy betrayed herself just to please their father.

3. Are there other blood relatives to whom he/she is close? Are there ones he/she can’t stand?    There is Jane, her cousin. Wendy is not sure why Jane seems to dislike her.    She likes her well enough.

4. Are there other, unrelated people whom he/she considers part of his family? What are his/her relationships with them?    At one point, she considered the lost boys her family. She saw the boys as    her children and still cared about them even if she wasn’t a part of the group    anymore.

5. Who is/was the character’s best friend? How did they meet?    Sally! They met on Wendy’s first night at Walt and have been close ever    since.

6. Does he/she have other close friends?    Wendy is very close to Hideyuki, Alice, and Merida.

7.  Does he/she make friends easily, or does he/she have trouble getting along with people?    Wendy makes friends very easily. A lot of it has to do with her mothering    nature.

8. Which does he/she consider more important: family or friends?    Family. Regardless of what happens, family will have your back.

9. Is the character single, married, divorced, widowed? Has he/she been married more than once?    She is single but definitely interested in a person or two...

10.  Is he/she currently in a romantic relationship with someone other than a spouse?       She went on a date with Dipper once but is waiting to see what happens.

11. Who was his/her first crush? Who is his/her latest?      The first was Peter and her latest is Dipper.

12. What does he/she look for in a romantic partner?      Wendy looks for someone who is exciting and will take her on adventures.      But she also wants someone who would be more than happy to spend a      day reading.

13. Does the character have children? Grandchildren? If yes, how does he/she relate to them? If no, does he/she want any?      At her current age, no. But when she grows up, she thinks she’ll have one or      two.

14.  Does he/she have any rivals or enemies?       Tinkerbell and James. Wendy doesn’t know how they ended up on such       bad terms because she doesn’t think she’s ever done anything to either of       them.

15. What is the character’s sexual orientation? Where does he/she fall on the Kinsey scale?       Wendy is heterosexual. She’s not blind to girls who are pretty and will       willingly admit it. She just doesn’t feel a sexual attraction.

16. How does he/she feel about sex? How important is it to him/her?      She certainly has romantic ideas about sex, saving herself for marriage and all that. But Wendy also understand that most people don’t share the same ideals as her and doesn’t shame them for it.

17. What are his/her turn-ons? Turn-offs? Weird bedroom habits?      This is definitely not a question she would answer.

Beliefs

1. Do you know your character’s astrological (zodiac of choice) sign? How well does he/she fit type?    Wendy is an Aquarius, a zodiac that fits her fairly well. She is very much    trying to make her world a better place, while caring for those around her.    She loves to make new friends, is fair, logical, and inviting.

2. Is this character religious, spiritual, both, or neither? How important are these elements in his/her life?    Her family is not very religious and neither is she. They went to church at    least once a month to keep up appearance and pay respect to family    members lost.

3. Does this character have a personal code of morals or ethics? If so, how did that begin? What would it take to compromise it?    She does have her own code of morals that are very much standard. She    places a heavy emphasis on caring for every single person and does her best    to help people in need. There is not much that she would do to break them    as she believes everything deserves another chance.

4. How does he/she regard beliefs that differ from his? Is he/she tolerant, intolerant, curious, indifferent?    Wendy is very much tolerant. As long as a person’s beliefs doesn’t harm    themselves or anyone else, she is completely accepting.

5. What prejudices does he/she hold? Are they irrational or does he/she have a good reason for them?    Wendy is very open-minded so there’s not much of a prejudice. Except    maybe towards those who are very wealthy since she knows so many who    care very little about anything but themselves.

Daily Life

1. What is the character’s financial situation? Is he/she rich, poor, comfortable, in debt?    The Darlings are well off. While they aren’t rich, they’ve certainly never    struggled.

2. What is his/her social status? Has this changed over time, and if so, how has the change affected him/her?    Since she turned thirteen, Wendy has kept to herself. When she was younger    she had plenty of friends, though her brothers were her little shadows. The    day Mr. Darling made her grow up was the day she self-condemned herself    to be an outside. At society functions that her father made the family attend,    she was well liked by the adults. But to every person her age, Wendy was too    focused on studying to worry about making friends.

3. Where does he/she live? House, apartment, trailer? Is his/her home his/her castle or just a place to crash? What condition is it in? Does he/she share it with others?    The Darlings live in a nice house next to Kensington Gardens. All of Wendy’s    happy memories as a child took place in the nursery.

4. Besides the basic necessities, what does he/she spend his/her money on?    Wendy is not much of a shopper. She’s just never seen an interest. When she    does, she’ll spend her money on books (nonfiction, no matter if her heart    says otherwise) or a new outfit for school or a function she’ll be attending.

5. What does he/she do for a living? Is he/she good at it? Does he/she enjoy it, or would he/she rather be doing something else?    Currently, Wendy is a full-time student. She’s been fortunate enough to not need to work while in school.

6. What are his/her interests or hobbies? How does he/she spend his/her free time?    One thing that has always remained a constant is Wendy’s love of reading. Though she used to read fantasy books, now she reads more educational books. Things adults read.

7. What are his/her eating habits? Does he/she skip meals, eat out, drink alcohol, avoid certain foods?    Wendy is a pretty good eater. After all, it’s hard to lecture a person when you    yourself don’t follow your rules.

Associations

Color: Blue Smell: Lavender and lilac Time of Day: Morning Season: Spring Book: All of them (Is that a cop-out?) Music: Something soothing and relaxing Place: London (definitely a cop-out) Substance: Hugs and feeling loved Plant: Aster Animal: Deer

[sophygurl]

Beyond the Fix or How do I Live This F***ing Life? - WisCon 41 panel write-up

These tend to be long and only of interest to specific segments of folk so click the clicky to read.

Disclaimers:

I hand write these notes and am prone to missing things, skipping things, writing things down wrong, misreading my own handwriting, and making other mistakes. So this is by no means a full transcript.

Corrections, additions, and clarifications are most welcome. I’ve done my best to get people’s pronouns and other identifiers correct, but please do let me know if I’ve messed any up. Corrections and such can be made publicly or privately on any of the sites I’m sharing these write-ups on(tumblr and dreamwidth for full writings, facebook and twitter for links), and I will correct ASAP.

My policy is to identify panelists by the names written in the programming book since that’s what they’ve chosen to be publicly known as. If you’re one of the panelists and would prefer something else - let me know and I’ll change it right away.

For audience comments, I will only say general “audience member” kind of identifier unless the individual requests to be named.

Any personal notes or comments I make will be added in like this [I disagree because blah] - showing this was not part of the panel vs. something like “and then I spoke up and said blah” to show I actually added to the panel at the time.

Beyond the Fix or How do I Live This F***ing Life?

Moderator: R. Elena Tabachnick. Panelists: Kate Carey, Shayla D, Jesse the K, Lenore Jean Jones

#BeyondTheFix - for some good livetweets and resources

The panel started out with some good-natured joking about the moderator being late for reasons having to do with the panel topic and how they’d just get started. 

Jesse introduced herself by saying “I’m a loud mouth”, as well as talking about how she’s been coming to WisCon for a long time and worked with others on improving access at the con and has watched how WisCon has improved and embraced better understandings around disability over the years.

Kate introduced herself by saying this was her 4th WisCon and that the membership assistance fund is what allowed her to get to her 1st one. She’s a champion of talking about invisible disabilities, and as a larger woman she gets especially tired of people who say “well if you exercises more...” [hear hear Kate!]

Lenore introduced herself by telling us this was her 20th WisCon, that she is Hard of Hearing but passes as hearing, and also that she is depressed. She touched on how depression is often co-morbid with other disabilities, or is often exacerbated by other disabilities.

Shayla introduced herself as someone who is both disabled and taking care of her mom who is disabled. Shayla talked about how she is just blind enough that she can’t drive but not blind enough that anyone gives her any money for it. When her pain symptoms were growing, she had doctors tell her it was all in her head, and once it was diagnosed, she was like “why yes, the cause was in my pituitary gland which is in my head thanks!” 

Elena came in during the intros so was able to give hers at the end of this - she has a rare genetic disease, but insurance won’t pay for the genetic testing to confirm this. She never thought of herself as disabled, as she’s had this since she was a kid. She didn’t have a diagnosis, so everyone just thought she was weird. She kept getting more disabled, and had to keep giving up more things. 

Right now she can’t leave her house for long, she can’t wear shoes or socks. It took her a long time to call herself disabled, but now she loves the identity - it helps to be able to say this about herself. 

Jesse talked about having had mental health issues “since jump”, but that she didn’t know it was something that could be dealt with. In her 20′s, she started having pain everywhere and was diagnosed with fibro and cfs. Eventually, she stopped working and got to have the Disabled label. 

She has also worked with Blind and Deaf communities and realized how much assistive technology and community can help. She applied that to herself, and realized how much using a wheelchair could help her. She was waiting for some authority figure to give her the Disabled label, but finally just took it and claimed it for herself. 

A big change came when Jesse realized she didn’t have to be independent but could be interdependent.  [I have a buncha stars and underlines in my notes right here - thanks Jesse!]

Kate talked about struggles she’s had because when she was “just fat”, she didn’t want that identity to define her life or limit her. Then she became sick and wanted to feel the same way about that but her symptoms included being unable to breathe and she had doctors telling her to lose weight. She felt like fatness was seen as a moral failing. She felt ashamed and at fault for her own sickness. 

She realized she was willing to go to bat for friends, for example, who smoked and had COPD - but when it came to defending herself, it was another issue. At first she took on the label of “sick” but not “disabled” because sickness was something you could get better from. WisCon has been helpful to Kate in accepting disability. 

Shayla talked about how her first neurological disorder was something that happened primarily to fat people. She found her family blamed one another for making her fat, and therefore causing her blindness. Her stance was - who cares how I got this way, this is now, let’s deal with it. 

Shayla likes to pop out her white cane because her other disabilities are invisible, but when she uses the white cane, she’s more visible as disabled. When people tell her “you don’t look blind”, she replies “you didn’t look like an asshole...” (general laughing from the audience).

She talked about wanting something like a “crip card” to be able to show to people to prove she’s really disabled. Much laughter and discussion ensues on this topic.

Lenore talked about having impostor syndrome around disability; being “not disabled enough” or “not Deaf enough”. 

At this point, a funny conversation happens around the live captioning of the panel and how other panelists are reading over Lenore’s shoulder in fascination as their own words scroll by.

Lenore continued with a story about talking with Jesse and apologizing for not being able to hear her and Jesse telling her not to say sorry about that and how much it meant to her. She didn’t know she was Deaf until she was 15, so she had subconsciously learned to lip read. 

Shayla said - instead of apologizing, say “thank you for being patient with me” and referenced a comic online on the topic (check the hashtag - it’s linked to a couple of times). 

An audience member brought up that all of this apologizing in regards to our disabilities has to do with the social model of disability.

Elena talked about having to say no to things and how adopting the Disabled label helped to give her permission to do that. Before that, she was broken and felt at fault.

Kate talked about how our self-worth is based on our ability to work and contribute something to society. She stated that she could work under some very specific circumstances, but even then she would lose much needed benefits. She gets told “if you just had more gumption!” We apologize because our disabilities are seen as a moral failing. 

[Kate then made some comments comparing abelism to racism which felt a lil oppression olympic-ey to me in regards to wishing people could see disabilities as just a part of who we are the way race is. My personal thought on this is that there absolutely are people who see poc as having a moral failing due to their race, as well, so I get where Kate was trying to take this analogy but I feel like most analogies of this kind tend to fall apart on further inspection. Another comment was about how she strives to do colorblind reading so she isn’t taking the author’s race into account when choosing a book or while reading it, which again, I think is a very well-meant intention but that taken in practice as a whole would end up with many poc authors not being read because publishing and marketing practices are already set up against them so if we don’t specifically make attempts to read more books written by poc - we won’t be finding as many of them to read. 

I discussed this with Kate afterwards and she agrees that the analogy falls apart and wishes she’d phrased things differently, just FYI.]

Somewhere in there, Shayla made her patented case against kale-pushers and I jumped in to add “well if you Deep Fry the kale...”

(Either Elena or Lenore, my handwriting is not clear here) said that if people blame us for our disabilities, it allows them to believe that it won’t happen to them.

Jesse brought up the role capitalism plays in all of this, and how it’s not a good system. Also the failure of the medical system - it doesn’t work for people like us, so we annoy them. Additionally, some spiritual traditions have the idea of health as being a gift from God, so what does that mean for those of us who don’t have it?

Shayla talked about social issues involved when you have to cancel on friends so many times that they give up on you.

Elena talked about her dislike of the Paralympics - not the people who do it, but the cultural stuff around it as “inspirational.” This allows people to think that even if they do become disabled, they can be one of those ones who can do all this other stuff. 

Often, even if fiction, you only know a character is disabled due to the occasional mention of their wheelchair - otherwise they’re described exactly like the other characters. They never get tired, need downtime, require help with transfers or bathing, etc. It’s not a realistic portrayal of disability.

She added on to what Shayla had said above saying that she has difficulty socializing because she can’t leave her house. 

Kate talked about how online gaming helps her - she can interact with people on her own terms. She talks about “painsomnia” [ha! yes! great word!] and how she is often up at random times and being able to socialize online at those times helps. 

Kate and Lenore both agree that the word “should” is toxic. 

Kate said another helpful aspect of the gaming was that she found games she was good at. She was good at her job and losing that was hard, so finding something else she could feel proud of herself about has helped a lot. The fact that this is something that isn’t valued by society is frustrating.

She revisited the topic beforehand about inspiration porn and said it’s not even about the disabled person really, but about the abled people around them. 

Kate talked about giving herself a gold star some days just for getting out of bed, or getting dressed, etc. She talked about her “standing skills” as another thing society doesn’t value enough.

Jesse discussed how she has coped over the years by waving her hand up and down. She defined herself as a brain in a jar who could learn things - and then that was the last thing that she lost. She has coped in part by splitting herself somewhat mentally from past selves and can look back and say that she is so glad to know that person that could do those things without that being a judgement on who she is today. [my notes at this point read “me: crying” because I was sobbing my eyes out at the wisdom of this that I desperately needed]

Lenore said she is still working on that whole gold star thing. She is trying to reframe things from “I ought to be able to...” to “this is what I can do now.” [phew! yea.]

Elena talked about still doing the grief thing and how depression is connected to not being able to do things. [my notes: the grief never fully stops]

She talked about being in an online writing community but how she isn’t writing now, and re: Kate’s gaming thing - she is still seeking that thing that she’s good at and can do.

Kate said it’s okay to grieve it the same way you would the loss of a family member. Grief continues on but it’s not always as hard as it is at first all of the time.

An audience member talked about how all they can currently do is work and sleep and how to survive if they can’t get disability. They are worried because they need insurance but can’t work full time - when do they reach a point where they can apply for disability? The panelists all answer pretty much together that it sounds like they already ARE at that point - it’s time to start applying. Fill out the forms for your worst days, not your best - that’s a common mistake.

The audience member said their doctor tells them “well you’ve managed so far...” I and other audience members and the panelists all agree - then they need a new doctor! 

Jesse emphasized that the system has failed us, not the other way around. 

Kate brought up the ticket to work program and told the audience member to start the disability process now so they don’t get stranded. [v. good advice]

Elena talked about getting a geriatric doctor if you can because they’re less concerned with issues around weight loss and about fixing you - they know you’re going to die anyway so shrug. (big laugh)

There’s a moment where everyone sings Jesse’s praises as someone who is both a good resource on how to manage this stuff on a personal level and as someone who has good resources for others. I nodded emphatically through all of this and here’s another great thing about Jesse - instead of deflecting, she just smiled and took the compliments. What a good role model! 

Shayla talked about her struggles with being able to work for awhile, then crashing, being homeless, being able to work for awhile, rinse repeat and having people say “well you can work...”

(Edited to add at Shayla’s request that she also said “I COULD work... If it was at a job I could do in the dark, on my back, *legally*. (Hell, illegally has crossed​ my mind many a time.)”)

Kate talked about how applying for disability is work. 

Shayla talked about the difficulty in not knowing how she’s going to feel day to day, even minute to minute. 

Lenore stressed the importance of asking for things that we need. 

I added from the audience that to add to the list of toxic words - “burden”. Thinking of ourselves that way makes it hard to ask for what we need. 

Jesse talked about how giving is a help too. So asking for help allows other people to give in that way. 

Kate said that love is asking for help, because it shows that we’re putting our trust in them.

An audience member talked about The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability as being a beneficial resource to reclaiming their sexuality.

Another audience member talked about a youtuber - ability powered - a disabled gamer who likes to help other disabled folk in gaming.

Someone else from the audience talked about having a sister who is disabled who she lives far away from and wants to know how to help. 

Kate stressed listening and acknowledging. Ask what she is doing not how she is doing. Sometimes the best thing is getting to vent to someone who isn’t the same three people she talks to everyday [yes, this!]. It can be really helpful to be asked if you want to vent or need help problem solving - or even do you just want me to do the talking for awhile. 

An audience member offered that arranging for things like prepared meal deliveries and cleaning can be of use.

Kate said framing things like the above as “I want to do this for you” so they feel better about accepting it. She also added that she enjoys skyping with people she doesn’t get to visit with so she can actually see them.

Kate talked about having to skype to her mother’s funeral and how at least she was able to be part of it in that way. She also brought up FB live as ways to take disabled people to things they couldn’t otherwise go to.

An audience member also stressed the importance of knowing the people in their lives WILL say no if they can’t, which makes it easier to ask them. They can trust them to be honest about their limits.

Lenore emphasized offering to just hang out with someone and not talk if they don’t have the energy to talk - just be there with them.

We hit overtime for the panel and Kate said “I just have a few more things” - at which point I lol’ed (having paneled with Kate before) and closed my notebook so I don’t recall what those few more things were - sorry!

But do check the hashtag for this one, as folks did add many of the resources that were brought up during the panel. 

[crosbyaamiya1992]

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[meperkinsown-blog]

D&AD Project

A case for her

Saying your on your period should be an accepted blanket statement that just means that. With no negative stigma, but even today it immediately tarnishes women with the negative associations that have been attached to periods.

OR

Saying your on your period should be an accepted blanket statement that just means that. With no negative stigma. But even today it immediately tarnishes women with the negative associations that have been attached to menstorating.

This is a problem that runs deep, write down to the vernacular used by everyone like ‘sanitary’, adding products on the end does change the strong associations we have with it. So lets rid ourself of that word right now. We want period positive words and association so the next generation of menstruators, who single handedly make human life on earth possible, don’t think that their monthly cycle is anything but positive and necessary.

Our actions must also be checked, no hiding pads or tampons up your sleeve, its fundamental to life, don’t be ashamed. try starting a period positive conversation today, you don’t have to get into the ebbs and flows, but bringing it into conversation will break down the walls up put but those who don’t know how truly detrimental negative period shaming is to women, and how subconsciously seeing how well blue liquid absorbs, will not be telling her what she goes threw every month is natural and a sign of good health.

As far as progression in this bloody field goes, we have a long way to ahead.

Explaining your on your period should not be come with bad blood, but it does.

So lets smash the negative, by blasting positive,

It is what it is, as much a necessity, as a blessing;

we are guaranteed to bleed,

If we’re lucky.

It began as an ad campaign, using a mix of traditional advertising and gorilla advertising. Where stickers would be sent out, to anyone who followed social platform/posted on/used hashtag and then stuck threw out the country,  that would spark period positive conversations, and T shirts could be purchased and the profits would go towards period positive education. This was going to be accompanied by a short video of women walking down a sunny street wearing the emblem of G. T. B on there bums, by powerful women, who own it, love it, are proud of it. Like a bag of honour.

But from doing more and more focus groups I feel the need for platform where real conversations and information could be accessed by everyone. So from there I decided to write a G.T.B manifesto, anyone who signs the manifesto and reposts etc. gets sent stickers. The manifesto will be on a G.T.B website where there are forums where real people can talk about there experiences and find others that have been threw similar issues to do with mensuration.

Sanitary products, scarp that, bad connotation. It implies its that being on your period is unclean.

Menstral control

Period products

. Products

So

smash the negative, by blasting positive

Target 17-25 women and men

The audience was chosen for its wide reach, the younger audience will be influenced by the 17-25 year olds

Mix of gorilla advertising

And

a conventional advertising campaign, a video, possible posters made ephemera etc.

Stylized blood stain/ ‘sexy’ blood stain

To be attached to jeans, trousers etc.

in video blood stain is worn by powerful women, who own it, love it, are proud of it. Like a bag of honour

Stickers to be made of ‘sexy’ blood stain with the words - guaranteed to bleed

To be given out for everyone who signs up via email/fb/insta/twitter, Free T-shits and stickers for posts and use of hash tag we(a case for her) think is awesome

I would like to address info-structure and systems, but this is not it

https://aeon.co/essays/throughout-history-and-still-today-women-are-shamed-for-menstruating

Quotes from link above

As recently as 1980, I was told by a farmer’s wife in Shropshire that if a menstruating woman touched meat it would go rancid.

Right into the 20th century, any inappropriate behaviour or poor mental health in women was termed hysteria, after the Greek word for ‘uterus’.

The paediatrician Béla Schick (1877-1967) believed that menstruating women released plant-destroying substances called ‘menotoxins’ through their skin. In 1919, he ‘proved’ it by asking women to arrange cut flowers. Sure enough, the flowers arranged by menstruating women died sooner.

The Yurok of California believed that if a woman’s menstruation failed to synchronise with the Moon, or with her fellow women, she could balance herself ‘by sitting in the moonlight and talking to the Moon’.

It was not until 1985 that the word ‘period’ was used in a television commercial; and in 2010, US TV networks banned a tampon commercial from using the word ‘vagina’ or even ‘down there’. To this day, advertisers use a mysterious blue liquid to demonstrate the absorbency of sanitary towels.

In a comment piece for The Tablet Catholic magazine in 2016, the British theologian Carmody Grey wrote: ‘If any other event caused me or anyone that amount of pain, disruption and blood loss, it would feature largely in our social interactions … Quite simply, women bleed and suffer so that others can live … Quite literally, shedding blood for the life of humanity is just what women do.’

Menstrual Matters, Period Positive, The Bloody Waste! and Ragtime Revolution.

http://washinschoolsmapping.com/5th-annual-virtual-conference-on-menstrual-hygiene-management-in-wash-in-schools.html

Questionnaire

(Making question more normalised, less clinical for results, this also put forward the idea of it being normal thing to talk about)

Focus group of two (friends- also might bring out more information)

18-40 year olds

Im conducting a studying into to period shaming and the awareness around menstration. For the sake of the data please answers as honestly as possible and please difolge as much as you want.  

Let start with some nick names for periods

(female)

Tell me about your first period, and how was this addressed by those around you at the time

How did you feel about getting your period

did you feel prepared, did you know what to expect, and do you feel those expectations have changed

If yes, how

If no, how

did you feel supported by your family and friends

Did you feel comfortable talking about your period this with friends

Do you have a happy memory attached to having your period

Do you have a uncomfortable memory attached to having your period

do you feel comfortable talking about periods in a mix gender group

Have any positive associations with menstration that have followed you threw out your life

Have any negative connotations attached to menstral cycle followed you threw out your life

If you could giving a younger you advice concerning menstration what would you say?

would you feel comfortable asking someone else to buy sanitary products for you?

anything you would like to add to this decision? Or point you would like to talk about…

(Male)

Tell me about your first encounter with someone having a period,  tell me about it

how has your understanding changed since your first encounter (with periods)

when did a female friends first talk to you about periods

Have you ever bought sanitary products for someone else

If yes, tell me a bit about it

If no, tell me about that

Do you have a happy memory attached to periods

Do you have a uncomfortable memory attached to periods

Do you feel comfortable being in a group talking about periods

Have any positive associations with menstration that have followed you threw out your life

Have any negative association attached to menstral cycle followed you threw out your life

If you could giving a younger you advice concerning menstration what would you say?

Have you ever assumed a women is in her period from her behour

anything you would like to add to this decision? Or point you would like to talk about…

Thinking bigger

Could this be a template to tackle other issues that suppress women?

Body dismophia/eating disorder etc.

Sexism

The Brief- to demolish the negative stima attached around periods.

Approach is to implement effective commutation with women and men, my target is 18 to 30 years old. I feel this demographic hits an even wider audience because this is an age group that influence the younger coming or age of menstration women.

Reseach from focus group I have conducted have shown

- a lack of communication, we just don’t talk about periods

-the education into periods, its not discussed how different periods can be for everyone and about its mental and emotional impact

My solutions would be a campaign with the outcomes in the form of a provocative brand identity, video, website/platform/forums and stickers and T shirts. Using a mix of gorilla advertisement via stickers, and a traditional approach via a video, with the back bone of a manifesto/declaration that people can get behind/re post/feel part of a wider community that cares and also share advice/ information.

Tone causally, humous, provocative and conversational

Script

What we need is to start having the conversation.

Taking back the power.

Once we start having the conversation, it becomes normalised, and quality of life improves for all.

Then we can start having conversations about other areas of improvement within the human race. (Fingers click/epiphany) We need a Kyle Jenner of periods,

(Friends reaction )

Yeah yeah (brushes off their surprises off), but she paved the way, the turn over from taboo to praised and idolised was impressive.

If we could get this in the home, in schools, at the work place, its only a matter of time before people stop giving a shit and get on with life.

Don’t get me wrong, I know this is a problem that runs deep, right down to the words we use… and don’t use.

(Like said like its an obvious example) Like sanitary, shoving products on the end doesn’t exactly rid ourselves of the strong reminders of sewage, does it.

We want period positive words and associations so that the next generation of menstruators, who single handedly make human life on earth possible, don’t think that their monthly cycle is anything but positive and necessary.

As far as progression in this bloody field goes, we have a long way ahead.

Explaining you are on your period should not be come with bad blood, but it does.

So let’s smash the negative, by blasting positive,

It is what it is, as much a necessity as a blessing;

we are guaranteed to bleed,

If we’re lucky.

situations

Sticker seen about

Video seen about

Person visits site

Person starts a conversation about periods

Threw out the website it promotes the idea of starting a period positive conversations.

pushing the idea by giving the power back to the indiviual, by signing up/agreeing with the manifesto G.T.B you are sent stickers to use as you see fit.

menomite- someone who has sex with women on their period

Forums

A good place to start, with a few forums set up initially to get the conversations going.

Chapter one, my first period. - a place to share stories of firsts, first period, first time you leaked, first time you had sex while on your period.

The good the bad and the ugly - home truths, facts.

there aren’t any. period - talking about how different periods can be, how no two are the same, and that lots of people have complications, a ‘you are not alone’ feel.

i don’t like tampons. they’re stuck up cunts - talking about different forms of period products. first had accounts, anecdotes.

Alternate names

Take back the power

Take back

Its ours

Some of us bleed

Some bleed

Lets bleed

Lets start

We’re in it together

in it together

[mikeyd1986]

MIKEY’S PERSONAL BLOG 57, June 2017

On Monday, Mum and I attended the Mind Body Spirit Festival as we both had the Queen’s Birthday public holiday off. We ended up driving into the city which turned out to be a very costly decision as we were hit with a $40 parking fee. Driving through the city is something I usually avoid like the plague as my stress levels reach unbearable heights and it’s honestly not worth it. It’s also very unforgiving as we quickly found out after being in the wrong lane and missing the street we had to turn down. But after turning back around, we eventually made it down to the Melbourne Convention and Exhibition Centre (MCEC).

I’ve been to this particular festival about four or five times now. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to the crowds or the pushy salespeople but at least I’ve learned ways to cope with both of these things. We started by having a meditation session at Brahma Kumaris Centre for Spiritual Learning, The Peninsula which I nearly dozed off in but felt really good. The host told us that we don’t have to be chanting on the top of a mountain wearing orange in order to meditation. All you have to do is stop and look inside yourself. http://www.bkpeninsula.org.au/event... 

We listened to Kathy Ashton at the Soul Kitchen cooking stage who talked about foods that can heal your gut including onions and cold white potatoes. Apparently the resistant starch contained in the potato helps to slow the absorption rate in the small intestine which in turn reduces food intake and aids weight loss. As for the onion, if you remove the inner core section, this will help to prevent the feeling of bloating and having “onion breath”. http://www.livestrong.com/article/3... 

Next we visited the White Light Publishing House & Book Shop stand which my workmate Nicky Stokes is now associated with after having her book The Journey published through them. I had a good chat with a couple of the ladies there and even picked up a book called Journey of a Lightworker for $10. https://www.whitelightuniversal.com.au/... 

At the performance stage, we saw a Native American Indian named Red Horse doing some tribal dancing and playing a variety of instruments from drums to flutes. He was trying to sell copper bracelets that claim to heal painful joints and other health issues but I took it with a grain of salt. He also talked about his belief in “The Creator” aka God and how it’s related to his tribal dances and being healed via sound energy. http://www.healthline.com/health-sl... 

Of course part of my brain thought that his claims were utter horse shit (pardon the pun) but I was still open minded enough to listen to what he had to say. I’m not a true believer in all things spiritual but if it helps me make me feel more positive about life and myself, then I’m all for it. https://www.nativeamerican.com.au/i...

Overall, it was very overwhelming seeing so many stalls, seminars, cooking segments, psychic readings, massages and workshops all happening. We didn’t even see half of it because I felt so drained and exhausted after just three hours. I’m not really a fan of spending all day at a convention but I pretty much saw what I wanted to see and I grabbed a few flyers and entered some competitions along the way. http://www.mbsfestival.com.au/melbo... 

On Tuesday morning, I had my Strength Training session with Luke Davey at Breakaway Fitness in Berwick. Typically, my brain was ready to sprout some more anxious thoughts but I decided to speak my mind with Luke today. The biggest worry that I have right now is that I’m not like the others. I don’t have a large ego, I’m not extroverted, I’m not obsessed with Crossfit training, making personal bests and attending competitions, I don’t wear designer workout wear and socially I don’t really fit in. 

But I have to remind myself...Is it more important to change myself to be like the others or to continue being myself? Answer: Obviously the latter! It’s more just accepting it and trying to be okay with it. I have to start to believe that there’s nothing wrong with having differences in personality, ego and interests. The “Comparing myself to others” tape isn’t helpful for me at all. I need to focus on myself and my own training. Embrace who I am as a person. 

I tend to keep to myself a lot at UFT PLAYgrounds, taking in the training facility around me and waiting patiently for my session with Luke to start. I generally don’t put myself out there socially especially if the trainers and coaches are busy with their clients. I obviously don’t want to bother them. But my shyness can dominate my personality a lot, leading me to hesitate and hold back. I can be really tough for me to make conversation. 

The positives are that trainers and coaches do say hi to me and try to make me feel welcome in the UFT PLAYgrounds environment. My personal trainer is actively engaged in my sessions and wants the best for me in terms of achieving my fitness goals. There’s no sign on the door saying “No introverts with severe mental illness allowed”. If that were the case, then I’d simply go elsewhere. I deserve to be here. https://www.facebook.com/breakawayf... 

WARM-UP...Today I did my usual forward fold stretches over the box, 3 rounds of 90 weighted squat holds and 3 rounds of 15 weighted glute bridges. I’m certainly improving in all of these movements both in terms of strength and flexibility. 

DEVELOPMENT...Back to the dreaded weighted back squats. Honestly, it wasn’t anywhere near as bad as the 15 EMOTM workout that I did last time but in terms of weight, it was still tough. I did 5 rounds of eight 60kg back squats. I was trying hard focus on getting my form and technique right and not try to stress about the weight too much. I did have a few moments where my brain went into panic mode (What if I can’t lift the next rep? What if I mess it up?) but I was just being hard on myself as usual. It wasn’t perfect but I was happy that I got through my reps without dropping the bar. 

WORK-OUT...Today I learned a new technique and movement, having to lift and carry a 45kg dead ball (Strongman). The hardest part was getting my grip right and managing to hold it without the ball slipping out of my hands. I then had to hold it up for 15 seconds before carrying it a distance of 20m. I dropped it a couple of times and I felt a little embarrassed but I didn’t give up. I managed to complete four rounds, walking 20m each time, which was a pretty big achievement for my first time doing it. 

On Tuesday night, I went to my Body Combat class with Cinamon Guerin at YMCA Casey ARC in Narre Warren. The new release has been out for a week now and tonight was my first time experiencing it. Boy was it tough. The middle tracks were easily the hardest for me which involved 4 rounds of mountain climbers and push ups on the foam mat. We also had to do quick lunge jumps which changed direction very quickly. But as always I slowed down when I had to and reminded myself that I’m doing my best. It doesn’t matter how uncoordinated I am or if I mess up a combo, at least I’m trying. http://w3.lesmills.com/israel/en/cl...

On Thursday afternoon, I decided to catch up with Mandi Herauville at Gloria Jean’s Coffees in Berwick. It’s hard to believe that this was the first time meeting in the flesh. I’ve known Mandi since last year as she formally trained at UFT PLAYgrounds and now she’s recently opened up her own gym and PT business at The Yard Strength & Fitness. The thing I really love about Mandi is that she gets what I’m going through mentally and emotionally. She is also blunt and brutally honest which is something I need more of in my life. 

The time just flew by as we chatted about our experiences at the gym, doing Crossfit training, dealing with parents and family members, wondering what to do with our lives and talking about our mental illnesses. Two hours later...but seriously I really needed this catch up today. My social life has been so empty lately and I’m glad that I had to opportunity to vent about my personal problems and have a laugh about it. It’s much healthier than keeping it all bottled up inside and being too proud to open the flood gates. I trust Mandi enough to do so. 

On Thursday night, I had my second Strength Training session with Luke Davey at Breakaway Fitness. Tonight I was trying harder than usual to think positive and let any expectations go. Easier said than done of course. I pre-ordered my new UFT hoodie from the front desk. In some ways, I hope that it’ll make me feel more part of the community because recently I’ve felt rather disconnected. But tonight’s big mantra for me was Focus On The Positives. These included having brief but significant interactions with some of the PT’s and coaches and feeling better about my performance overall. 

WARM-UP...Tonight’s warm-up routine was a bit different than usual. I had to do 3 rounds of 10 “Good Mornings” which are essentially stretches into the lower back, hamstrings and posterior with the bar in a back squat position. It was a little tricky getting the body movements correct but I got there eventually.

DEVELOPMENT...Here I did 5 rounds of 12 deadlifts at 65kg. I felt much more focused than last time and I even learned to touch-and-go which is essentially doing continuous reps. I was pretty tough especially around the 8th or 9th rep and I had to drop the bar a couple of times to recover and re-adjust my posture but otherwise I did really well. 

WORK-OUT...Tonight I had to do a pre-programmed workout on the rowing machine which involved 9 rounds, one minute and forty seconds each with a 20 second rest in between. The hardest part for me was keeping my pace consistent at around 700-750. I had a two minute rest after the 5th round and by the last round, I really went for it. I kept those positive mantras flowing (I am enough, I am a champion, I am strong), hitting over 900 at some points. 

I tried really hard to not let the exterior conversations bother me. The topics of conversation being around Crossfit competitions, Instagram posts and going out to the movies tonight. It’s tough fitting in when you can’t even relate to the conversations and therefore can’t contribute to them. But at the same time, there’s nothing wrong with not having much to say. 

During my recovery walk with Luke outside, I decided to open up to him about what was on my mind. Being jealous of the friendships and social connections within the UFT community was what was really bothering me deep down inside. But overall it’s a combination of: a) being too hard on myself b) having unrealistic expectations c) not fitting in with friends at high school d) being socially under-developed since childhood e) the physical absence of my Dad. 

Thankfully Luke understands and was trying hard to encourage me. The fact is that I’d rather be myself than be fake and try to be something I’m not. It doesn’t matter if I’m not everyone’s best friend at UFT. It doesn’t even matter if I don’t talk to everyone at UFT. The fact that I’m there, giving it a go and trying hard to expose myself socially is a massive accomplishment and I need to remind myself of that. 

On Friday morning, I had an appointment with my support worker Ally at Colourfield Cafe Casey Central. My financial issues quickly resurfaced after I decided to check my credit card statement online this morning. I’m still only halfway to achieving my goal and it’s been over two months. In that moment, I felt really embarrassed that I hadn’t paid my credit card off yet for various reasons. Dealing with unexpected setbacks, having the occasional splurge on band merch, coffees and food and all the fitness classes have all contributed to this debt. 

The good news is that at least I have gone back to square one and maxed my credit card out again so that’s a positive. Now I just need to re-assess my goal and how to achieve it. I’m obviously going to need more time to pay it off completely and I’m going to have to be more disciplined and aware of my spending habits. I haven’t failed yet. Far from it. I’m still determined to overcome this burden of mine and accomplish this goal.

Ally and I also discussed challenging my thoughts in social situations and learning to be more assertive, specifically whenever I feel like leaving and saying goodbye to people. I’m particularly nervous about tomorrow night’s UFT dinner catch-up as I only know a handful of people and I don’t want to feel socially excluded, left out or bored. But at least I’ve got some strategies that I can use to cope and get through the potential anxiety and awkwardness of being in this social group. 

On Friday night, I attended a Slow Flow yoga class with Rachel Camilleri at Now, Yoga.. Sadly, I haven’t been to one of Rachel’s classes in months but her style is quite a bit more intense compared to Keren and Kim. That’s no necessarily a bad thing though, it just means I warm up quicker and sweat more often. Rachel has a wonderful, quirky sense of humour and allows us students to slowly explore each pose. We did several different flowing sequences including: 

Flowing Sequence 1...Standing forward bend, half-lift, downward facing dog, plank, cobra.

Flowing Sequence 2...Downward facing dog, three-legged dog, low lunge, ninja, open twist.

Flowing Sequence 3...Downward facing dog, three-legged dog, high lunge, warrior 2, reverse warrior, open twist.

Stretches...Butterfly pose, single leg forward fold, wide legged forward fold.

“When the world’s laying you low. Why don’t you let me carry your load? When things get bad, you know you’ve got a friend. All along the road.” Keane - On The Road (2012)

“And straining at the least you’d be a better man. But each time I try to climb I start sliding.  Some days I think someone's trying to keep me down. But no it's just my own fear that I'm fighting. I feel knocked down but I won't be broken, I won't be broken.”                              Keane - Won’t Be Broken (2013)

[dr-quinn-parker]

Task 12: Muse Booster

Name: Quinn Parker

Height: 5′3″

Age in Story: 25

Birthplace: Pansaw, California

Hair (color, length, style): Red/Strawberry blonde hair that extends down to the middle of her back. She prefers to style her hair in loose waves or curls if she just keeps it down, but she also keeps it straight too.

Race/Nationality: White; American with British and some Irish ethnicity

Regional Influences: California/America

Accent (voice, style of speech, slang, signature words/phrases): Quinn does not have a valley girl accent after living in California and she’ll beat up anyone who tries to say she does. She doesn’t have any accent to her knowledge, nor does she really use much slang. She tends to speak very properly with decent grammar, and refrains from cursing (unless frustrated). Basically, listening to her talk is like reading a professional email from a co-worker.

Religion: Agnostic

Marital Status: Unmarried, but currently in a relationship

Scars/Other Notable Physical Attributes: She does have subtle freckles over her nose and cheeks by her eyes that one could miss unless they were really up close. She almost always covers them up with makeup.

Handicaps (physical, emotional, mental): None

Athletic? Inactive? Overall health?: Quinn is healthy, and somewhat active. She tries to go to the gym at least three times a week just to keep in shape. 

Style of Dress: She dresses very femininely and stylish, mostly in business casual style. She likes to wear floral prints, dresses, skirt and blouse combos, nice skinny jeans with a nice top/sweater. 

Favorite Colors: She loves pastel and bright colors like pinks, greens, lavenders.

How does character feel about appearance? It’s very important to Quinn. She has no real insecurities about her own appearance, however she likes to look her best to make a good first impression and she feels similarly about other people doing the same.

Any siblings?: No, she was raised as an only child.

Relationship with parents?: Quinn never got to meet her birth parents, however, she is close to her adoptive mothers, Callie and Eliza. Since they still live in Pansaw, she tries to visit them at least twice a month, every holiday, and contacts them almost every day via text or phone.

Memories about childhood?: She remembers her parents always pushing her to strive to do better than she could, but they never reprimanded her for coming in second as long as it was clear she did the best of her ability. She liked having that kind of environment because she never felt coddled and it made her the outgoing person she is today with a healthy competitive edge. 

Educational background? (Street smart? Book smart?): Quinn was always extremely intelligent, even as a child. She’s stronger in book smarts than street smarts, and she attended Pansaw University as a Biology/Genetics major.

Work Experience: She was lucky enough to gain a position in C.A.R.M.A’s research team after she graduated with her doctorate degree. 

Where does the character live now? Describe home. (Emotional atmosphere & physical): She lives in a duplex apartment in Wolfhurst district. It’s rather luxurious with a more modern/contemporary vibe going on in terms of style. 

Neat or messy?: Neat. Very neat.

Sexuality: Straight

Morals: Quinn knows there’s a difference between right and wrong, however, she strongly believes in a gray area when it comes to morals. She’s aware that C.A.R.M.A isn’t always humane or just in their actions, but sometimes people have to get dirty to get to the right place. 

Activities: Aside from researching, she does try to go jogging or power walking at least twice or three times a week to keep active, with a half hour one or two nights at the gym.

Friends? Pets?: She has a few friends, Hayden, Theo, and Tanner to name the main few. She has a corgi named Teddy as a pet.

Enemies? Why?: She currently considers the Nephilim an enemy of hers, considering they kidnapped and tortured her into creating the enhanced Meta Steroid for them to use as a terrorist attack on Pansaw.

Basic Nature: She generally comes off as cold, strict, and serious to those who don’t know her, but she is actually quite caring and kind to those she cares about. She’s definitely a workaholic though.

Personality Traits: Hardworking, outgoing, determined, strong-willed, intelligent, judgmental, cautious, competitive, compassionate

Strongest/Weakest Traits: Her strongest traits are definitely her determination, intelligence, and outgoing nature. Her weakest trait would be her compassion towards others simply because, while she can be, it’s usually difficult for her to physically show that side of herself unless she really knows someone.

What do they fear?: She fears being useless, inadequate, or not good enough. Quinn was raised by her moms to always strive for greatness and to work hard, which developed her competitive and hardworking nature. She never wants to be considered deadweight or unhelpful. 

What are they proud of?: Quinn’s incredibly proud of her scientific accomplishments within C.A.R.M.A, particularly her Super Soldier project.

Outlook on life: She’s incredibly realistic and sees the world and life as it is––both good and bad. She’s usually not one to sugarcoat things.

Ambitions: To be the best and brightest in her field of study. Quinn wants to become well known for her research developments, and continue to improve and develop old and new research projects to help C.A.R.M.A in their mission.

Politics: Very conservative, but she also holds a very egalitarian view point. She’s more liberal when it comes to scientific and research advancements, however. 

How do they see themselves?: Quinn sees herself as a very bright, successful, and hard-working researcher with the potential to always do more. She thinks of herself as well-rounded and mature with strong focus on what’s important in her life. She also thinks she’s better than almost everyone.

How are they seen by others?: Others––especially those who don’t really know her––tend to view her as cold, stand-offish, stern, stuck-up, and in some cases “bitchy.” Very few people would say she’s kind and caring.

Do I (the writer) like this person? Why? Why not?: I do like Quinn. I find her fascinating and a challenge to write. As a person, I’m not sure if I would actually like Quinn, since it would depend on the relationship I had with her.

Most Important Thing About Them: Her drive––in a way it what keeps her going and always wanting to outdo herself.

Present Problem: Currently, she feels useless and weak. After the Nephilim captured her, she feels powerless and it’s more apparent to her that she has a target on her back being aligned with C.A.R.M.A.

How it will get worse: If she doesn’t do anything to stop feeling like deadweight, she could have a breakdown or get hurt. 

Their goals in this story?: Right now, her main goal aside from her research is to learn how to defend herself and be able to fight if she ever finds herself in trouble. 

What traits will help/hurt them in achieving this goal?: Her strong will, determination, and ability to learn new skills quickly.

What makes them different from similar characters?: I think what makes Quinn so different from similar characters is that she isn’t some stereotypical super smart, cold hearted girl who ignores emotions and relies on logic and knowledge in life. Underneath this exterior, she’s already a kind-hearted person, she just chooses not to show it all the time in order to maintain a strong presence within her field. 

Why will readers remember this character vividly?: I think they will remember her for her attitude and drive to do better than before. 

[pearlsandprepp]

New Post has been published on Ms Mettle

New Post has been published on http://www.msmettle.com/5-surprising-ways-to-feel-and-look-good-during-yoga/

5 Surprising Ways to Feel and Look Good During Yoga

Yoga is an amazing activity. I’ve personally been doing yoga for some time now, and my life has changed drastically. I don’t have as many negative thoughts and emotions as I had before and my body feels much better. Yoga classes are designed in a specific way so each time you finish a session, you’ll notice many differences almost immediately. Some people prepare for yoga as if they were preparing for a night out.

Others don’t make the right choice when it comes to clothes or similar things. Here’s how to make yoga even better and more interesting. We’ll be talking about five surprising ways to feel and look good during yoga.

Wear Comfortable Clothes

The whole point of yoga is to feel as relaxed and comfortable as possible. If you wear jeans and tight clothing, you won’t be able to do certain poses, and you’ll have a difficult time relaxing. Simply wear something that is comfortable and stretchy, a plain t-shirt, and some leggings would be a great choice.

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Take Time To Get Ready For Yoga

To improve your entire experience while doing yoga, take some time before the sessions to relax your mind and get mentally and physically ready. It doesn’t need to take too much time, 15 minutes should be enough. Calm your mind and prepare your body for the session. By doing this, you’ll be strengthening your body and mind, as well as increasing the effectiveness of the benefits of yoga.

Make-Up Is A Distraction; Keep It Simple

Applying make-up is completely unnecessary. Sure, you will be surrounded by other people, but make-up is useless because you are going to sweat and it’s going to look horrible. Not only is that but also makeup is time-consuming. You’d be wise to spend the time you’d usually spend on make-up by spending it on something else; for example, preparing for the sessions!

Mind The Food You Eat

Food can make a massive difference when it comes to your body’s health. Also, remember the good old rule where you shouldn’t eat anything heavy before a workout session. Eat 2 hours before exercising, so you don’t cause yourself unnecessary issues. If you plan on being completely healthy and doing yoga, we recommend you take care of what you eat. Don’t eat junk food, get rid of fizzy drinks and, if you drink alcohol, lower your consumption levels. Focus more on salads and other healthy food.

Embrace Yoga And Practice At Least Twice A Week

If you think of yoga as a chore, you should give up on it. Yoga isn’t something that you should be forced to do. If that’s the case, then there’s no point to it. Embrace it and let it fill you. Have fun and enjoy doing yoga because you will appreciate it. We recommend you practice at least twice a week, but you’re free to practice as much as you want. After all, yoga is all about relaxation, and if it’s necessary, you can increase the number of times you practice each week! Gradually you will start loving yoga which may lead into you becoming a Yoga teacher.

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Author Bio:

Meera Watts is a yoga teacher, entrepreneur and mom. Her writing on yoga and holistic health has appeared in Elephant Journal, Yoganonymous, OMtimes and others. She’s also the founder and owner of Siddhi Yoga International, a yoga teacher training school based in Singapore. Siddhi Yoga runs intensive, residential trainings in India (Rishikesh, Goa and Dharamshala), Indonesia (Bali) and Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur).

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[agilemum-blog]

2016 review

Nows the time to reflect upon the year just past. 2016 was for me a really interesting year. Many great things happened as well as some hard moments.

January saw me starting work at Cap Gemini on HMRC projects. I’d actually started working for Experis in December but could only start my placement in January. It was my first time working as a consultant so I was a little nervous and also conscious of the fact I’d not told my new company yet I was pregnant and was really worried about morning sickness and if I’d start showing before my 20 week scan.

I already knew I wasn’t eligible for SMP when I found out I was pregnant 2 months after I handed my notice in at my last employer, however I had no idea how Experis or Cap would take the news. I decided to let both companies know a few weeks after starting rather than waiting for the 20 week scan as I started to show. I needn’t of worried as they were both fantastic. My colleagues at Cap really looked after me and over the 6 months before I went on maternity and I made some good friends.

During my 7 months of being pregnant in 2016, once my evening sickness stopped in my second trimester, I surprised myself by realising I enjoyed being pregnant. I had many fears of pregnancy in my teens and early 20’s, too much sci-fi I think. It dawned on me that I liked how I looked and felt. I wore skinny jeans for the first time in 16 years and my bump was all forward and as I’d eaten pretty healthy most of my pregnancy I hadn’t really put on additional weight elsewhere except when I started getting water retention.

In May Chris and I celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary. We’d gone to Scotland a week before our actual anniversary as May bank hols are always way more expensive to get away. We had a great week in Scotland split between Edinburgh and Peebles and a day in Keswick on the way home. It was great to have time to ourselves as we knew it would be our last holiday before our baby girl was born.

As summer was approaching and we’d started getting the nursery prepped for decorating we had a real shock when our cat CJ had to be put down suddenly after a blot clot. It effected us both greatly but Chris more so. Our cat had been with us over 9 years and he’d especially helped with Chris’s anxiety. CJ always knew when Chris was at his lowest and would let Chris cuddle and stroke him during these times.

We knew he had a heart murmur and kidney issues and there was a chance of strokes and clots but we weren’t expecting it yet. We’d hoped CJ would meet our daughter before he passed.

To help come to terms with CJ’s passing we focused on the nursery and coping with the stresses of work. I was getting more tired and I had RSI in my wrist’s with the excess fluids my body was now producing. This was effecting me at work with typing and writing and while sleeping. As my bump made it impossible to be comfy as well having constant pins and needles and wearing wrist splints at night didn’t help. However my pregnancy was going really well. There was nothing else to worry about and I was on track to having a midwife led unit birth. Pregnancy yoga and my hypnobirthing anti natal classes had been great in helping me prepare for labour.

I had holiday from mid July and started my maternity leave the end of July. I rested as much as possible and did a bit of housework, but as we’d been doing diy from May onwards I didn’t fret much and didn’t do any crazy nesting that you hear about.

I was due August the 4th according to my midwife but I’d calculated it as Aug 9th. Labour fully stated in the middle on the 6th and our daughter was born at 17.05 on 7th August. It wasn’t an easy labour as we had a few complications that ended in a c section but we were so happy. We named her Elowyn Kaitlyn Marsh and she weighed 7lbs 15oz.

Unfortunately after latching problems, lose of weight and discovering posteria tongue tie we had to be re-admitted to hospital 3 days after leaving the first time. This was a really hard time as we had to feed Elowyn so much food every few hours. I had to supplement with formula as I couldn’t keep up with having the amount of breast milk needed. After another 4 nights in hospital Elowyn had gained enough weight to go home. At this point we were both exhausted as Chris spent as much time as he could on the ward with us then going home and getting everything needed for the next day. We also rushed to buy an electric pump as Elowyn still wasn’t latching after her tongue tie was cut. We needed to make sure I could keep up with supply as much as I could as soon as we hit home.

A week later we’d got an improved routine based on adapting what we’d learnt the day before and finally felt we could start coping just as Chris went back to work. Luckily for me my sister came to stay for 3 days and she was an incredible help.

I never felt so alone as when I was in the house that first day with just Elowyn. I’m used to always being around people and having this little person so dependent on me and needing regular feeding and comforting was daunting. I was also trying to express every few hours and still attempting latching daily was exhausting. However after developing a routine and enjoying the end of the summer at 6 weeks I braved joining our first baby group.

Since then I stopped putting so much pressure on myself to produce more milk and comparing myself to others on different forums who seem produce enough food for 3 babies. I gave up trying to latch Ellie as it was proving too upsetting for us both, even though I’d had help from breast feeding specialists and another cranial osteopath appointment. I accepted mixed feeding was ok and Ellie was growing as expected and was healthy. I started losing weight as I was doing so much more physically. I made new friends and it wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be. I started writing the blog I promised myself I would when Elowyn was born.

During the year I had concerns over my parents health. My mum had spent a few days with us in September and it was clear how much she was struggling with her breathing. Also dad was getting increasingly tired and in more pain coping with his bone marrow cancer and osteoporosis. However dad got news from his specialist that he was in remission and mum after a case of pluralcy was also improving.

As Christmas approached Elowyn had changed so much. We’d been through 3 mental leaps and it amazed us every day how much more she was doing. We got to spend 3 nights with My brother and his family as they visited us in early December after we’d had our conservatory refurbished.

Sleep has still been elusive as Elowyn is still having up to 4 feeds a night and after midnight can be between every 1.5hrs to 2hrs as she struggles to sleep longer than that on her own. She’d also had diarrhoea for almost 3 weeks since she started teething. As a new parent you go from looking forward to that 1 or 2 poos a day so you know there comfortable to dreading how much poo there is. One night we changed her 3 times in 15 mins which at 2am isn’t what you want to be doing. By the time Christmas arrived we were both exhausted but the endless pooping had stopped.

Our first Christmas with Elowyn was lovely. Although she doesn’t understand what’s happening yet, but to just spend quality time as a family gave Christmas more meaning. We spent Christmas Day afternoon with Chris’s parents, whom have been amazing supportive throughout the year even thou they have their own health concerns as well.

Now we’re in 2017 we have new challenges awaiting us. We decided that we’d take advantage of the new shared paternity laws and I’m going back to work in February and Chris will be a stay at home dad for the rest of the maternity leave entitlement. Both things are daunting for different reasons. We’re both nervous and excited about the change. I’m worried about how I’ll fit back into work and how I’ll cope with the guilt of going back to work while at the same time knowing she’s in the best hands. Although Chris still doubts whether she will be, but that's because he cares so much.

I'm looking forward to the adventures of 2017, and hoping we all get some sleep soon as well as getting rid of the obligatory New Years cold :)