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sukirichi · 10 months ago

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WHEN I SEE YOU AGAIN | G. SATORU x READER

You’ve been pretending not to see ghosts your whole life in order to blend in perfectly, but you can’t ignore the cute ghost with a bright smile standing in front of your door.

cw. ghost! gojo. fem! reader. minimal fluff. graphic depictions of murder. angst. hurt no comfort. mentions of grief. mentions of being under the influence (alcohol and drugs.) characters with depression. unedited.

notes. wrote a lil something for gojo since it’s been a while since i wrote any jjk fics and i missed it :( also should i open requests again? i miss writing one shots lol

wc. 7k

You met him on the first night of winter.

Eager to get home after a long and tiring day at work, you blow hot air on your freezing palms to keep them warm before stuffing it deep in your coat pockets. The walk home was less than fifteen minutes, and you’ve always refused to buy a car because you enjoyed the journey and wanted to familiarize yourself more with the city. You previously lived in the outskirts, but after a phone call from the main department telling you you were promoted and had to transfer in the city, you found yourself packing up on the weekend and renting a cheap apartment.

Located in the middle of everything – convenience stores, medical facilities, popular bars, and a quaint looking flower shop with a cute florist – you thought your apartment was perfect. It was a little shabby, you had to admit. The plumbing didn’t work well and electricity got cut off at random times in the night that resulted in a headache because you couldn’t send that damn email, but the landlord offered an extremely cheap rent that you couldn’t refuse. Plus, it was only a few minutes walk from your office and your neighbors were peaceful.

Well, most of them anyway.

Your neighbors consisted of mostly old couples who were so silent and desolate that you often forgot they existed, your eyes widening whenever you saw an unfamiliar old lady walking and asking you how your day was before realizing, Oh, she’s Mrs. Oliver, I completely forgot. Save for the married couple who were always throwing pots and pans at each other because darn Ronald couldn’t put the toilet seat back down, your place was placid. The landlord was ecstatic when you saw her poster and inquired for a unit, muttering something about not getting enough tenants to keep the place going because of ‘a traumatic issue.’

You’d really rather not ask what it was.

Besides, you’ve never been curious enough of what the world has to offer, simply because you see things – or rather fragments of people – that you’d rather not see. Ever since you started seeing ghosts at a young age of four, people avoided you like the plague, calling you a ‘freak’ and whatnot. Your family soon moved away to a much smaller place in the city because they couldn’t handle seeing their child who often talked to ghosts and sat in corners alone while laughing by herself be criticized by others. They didn’t believe you, of course, often calling it a ‘lonely child’s imagination.’ They sent you to multiple therapists who always assured you that they would listen to whatever problems you were having to cause you to be this way.

Unfortunately for them, there wasn’t anything wrong with you. You weren’t lonely at all. You saw a dozen ghosts every day who were always ecstatic at finding out you could see them, and they were more than willing to interact. As a child, you always thought ghosts were more interesting than actual people because they had an unlimited amount of time to converse with you, and they have had so many experiences to share with you.

When you grew older, however, you started to see yourself in other’s eyes, realization dawning on you that on social norms, you are, indeed, a freak.

Determined to fit in more and also sick of being faced with countless counselors who strongly believed you had a traumatic experience when your whole life has been nothing but bland and plain, you started ignoring them. It wasn’t easy at first, though. These ghosts have always kept you company while everyone gave you the side eye without knowing who you really were, and you admit you felt lonely in the beginning and a little guilty when they were convinced you couldn’t see them anymore.

You participated more in school activities and even joined a photography club in high school (you had to quit a month later because ghosts kept appearing on your photos, and you had to burn them in order not to freak anyone out) and with each baby step you took, you started to fit in more. The proud look your parents had on their faces when you had finally become ‘normal’ and even got an award for being an exemplary student was enough to keep you going on this journey, and you ignored the lonely spirits so hard that you eventually started seeing less and less of them.

Until now.

Standing in front of your door was a young man, his back awkwardly bent and long, beautiful fingers fiddling awkwardly with one another. He stood barefoot yet wore a comfy looking blue university hoodie and grey sweatpants, and his silver hair seemed shiny and healthy enough to not consider him a homeless man who was lost and simply wandering. Tipping your head to the side, you rack your brain to remember if you had any neighbours like him.

His head snaps in your direction.

He is definitely not your neighbour. You would have remembered such a cute looking guy.

He had unnaturally ethereal futures, prominent cheekbones becoming more pronounced when you meet his eyes, and you blink to gain control over your body when you realize you’ve been staring too long than what would be considered acceptable. You don’t even deny you’ve been checking him out, although you do ignore the almost puppy-like way his eyes lit up at the sight of you, causing your heart to jump a little. Just a little. You also liked how his hair complimented perfectly with his pale skin – he seemed like an exact embodiment of winter.

You walk forward, spinning your keys at the end of your pointer finger. Smiling at him politely, you paused in your tracks. He’d been blocking your door. “Hello, is there something I can help you with?”

No matter how cute he was, you wouldn’t hesitate to break his nose if he was a criminal.

His pretty hands come up to his face to cover his mouth falling open, and you take a step back when he does a little jump and starts laughing. “You can see me?”

“Uhm, yes,” you answer. “You’re blocking my door, so yeah, I can very much see you.”

As if realizing just now he stood in the way of you and your comfortable bed, who was calling out to you by now, he mutters a quick apology under his breath before stepping aside, a goofy grin remaining on his face and his childish behavior makes you scoff in amusement. He was still watching you even after you’ve unlocked your door, and you sigh at him. “Is there any reason you’re still standing outside my apartment, or should I call the police?”

Instead of looking worried like you expected him to, his smile only gets bigger. “Actually, I live here, well… I used to.”

You stare at him blankly with a slack expression on your face, watching as his features turn sheepish. He rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. Looking down on his bare feet, you mumble a curse under your breath when you realize he’s hovering.

“Not again,” you say to yourself before placing a palm against your forehead. It’s been years since you last saw a ghost, why did you have to see them now out of all times? A new branch is opening up and your superiors have given you the project of making sure the launch goes well, and you didn’t really want a ghost bothering you with your biggest task of all time. You worked hard for this promotion, you didn’t want to take one step forward and two steps back. Glaring at the undeniably attractive ghost who still hovered in your doorway, you decided he wasn’t your problem.

“Well, goodnight.”

You slam the door on him and trudge towards your bedroom, ignoring his “Wait!” as you unwrap the red scarf around your neck and plop on your bed almost lazily, moaning when your stiff muscles finally relax. The bed was so soft and warm because you’d left the heater on accidentally, and you’re about to be sent to dreamland when a voice beside you speaks up.

“You should take off your makeup before going to bed.”

Opening your eyes and coming face-to-face with the ghost who was resting his chin in both of his hands and laying on your bed, you grab a pillow and throw it at him, and he grins when the object goes past him completely. “Get out of my house, stop bothering me!”

“Technically, darling, this is still my house,” he tells you and starts sitting up before crossing his legs. “The unit was still named after me before you came.”

“Then why wasn’t I informed about that?”

“I was murdered here four years ago,” he deadpans, soft voice flitting into a murmur as he plays with his fingers again, refusing to look at you. “That’s why I never left. Judging from what you said earlier, you can see ghosts, and you know exactly why we’re still here.”

Swallowing a lump in your throat, you stumble over your words. “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t know and–”

“It’s quite alright,” he shrugs.

Silence soon joins the two of you; the ghost playing with the ends of your blanket with a far-off look in his face while you study his features, and something tugs at your heart. The reason why ghosts remain here instead of passing on like they were supposed to was because it meant someone was still holding on to them and absolutely refused to let go, or if they had unfinished business that needed to be resolved before they could go in peace. You’ve met ghosts like him who were murdered, and all of them remained with a seething rage and insatiable need for revenge, unable to accept that there wasn’t much they could do in their state.

As for the one sitting in your ghost, a small smile tugs at the end of his pink lips as he takes in your bedroom, amusement dancing in his eyes at the amount of stuffed animals you had and some framed photos of you as a child.

“You decorate much better than me, and you’re a lot more organized, too. This place was such a mess back when I was still alive.”

There was an unmissable hint of sadness behind his voice, and you can’t help but ask his name. “I’m Satoru,” he grins, “and for the record, I’ve always been here, just floating through time and space, but not the afterworld yet. For some reason, ever since you arrived, I just appeared back where I left off.”

You nod and take in his words, noticing how he clears his throat and sends a sheepish look your way. “If it’s not too much of a bother, can I ask for your help?”

“What is it?”

He stands up and heads toward your desk, although you supposed it was his since the furniture had already been here before you came. You didn’t think too much about it back then and only felt grateful that you had one less piece of furniture to buy, especially since it was empty. Apparently not, because Satoru keeps digging around through your files with his tongue peeking out his lips, and you vaguely recall that ghosts are able to touch things after feeding off of energy from living beings.

Letting out an ‘aha!’ when his hand finally lands on what he’s looking for, he tenderly places a photo on your outstretched palm with a shy smile. Inside the photo was a beautiful man, probably in his mid twenties, his hair up in a messy bun as he grinned at the camera. Beside him, Satoru’s eyes are closed with his head thrown back in laughter, relishing the feeling of that warm sunny day, and you unconsciously frown at it.

“His name’s Suguru,” he began, his eyes turning glossy at the sight of the polaroid. “He was my best friend before I died.”

Pursing your lips and feeling the tension thicken the room, you ask him, “Why are you telling me this?”

“He’s the reason why I can’t go,” he admits, shoulders dropping while his eyes remain trained on her. “He blames himself for everything and refuses to accept that I’m gone, that’s why I’m still here.”

You remain silent and take a deep breath, your head pounding at the situation. It was a beautiful first night of winter, the perfect weather for you to do your work from home while nestling a cup of hot cocoa in your hands, yet it seems your plans changed and you have to help this ghost out. A part of you wants to reach out and embrace him in a hug, but you know you’ll only end up stumbling on your own feet and clearly, Satoru wants to move on to the next chapter of his journey.

“Can you please tell him I’m okay now?”

When he looks at you like that, shoulders hanging low and an almost shy smile decorating his innocent features, it’s hard to say no.

“I will.”

Through the past few weeks since you’ve met Satoru, your life seemed to light up like a Christmas tree without you noticing. He was a funny guy and often pulled pranks on you, like slamming the cabinets open and closed or leaving your window open in the middle of the night, laughing when you shout at him as your teeth chatter and you slam your windows shut.

“I could have died from the cold, you idiot!”

He keeps laughing as if he didn’t nearly kill you with hypothermia, “Well, if you die, I guess we’ll be together then,” and even has the audacity to wiggle his eyebrows. You scowl at him and pull your jacket closer to your body, asking what he wants from you because he never goes this far to demand for your attention unless he wants something from you.

“What do you want this time?”

“I wanted to finish that series we were watching the other day,” he pouts rather childishly, “You always tell me not to watch it without you.”

On a particular weekend where you felt like your brains were about to explode from exhaustion due to your work piling up, you refused to wake up until noon, and you felt thankful Satoru knew how tired you were and let you have your much needed rest. When you woke up, a bowl of cereal was already waiting for you in your kitchen island, meaning the reason you felt tired even after that long slumber was because he fed off your energy to give you food.

Feeling thankful for the simple, sweet action, you munched on it happily. It wasn’t anything special and the corn flakes had gone too crusty for your liking, but Satoru’s happiness at you appreciating what he prepared was worth it. After breakfast, you dumped the bowl into the sink and planned to wash it later, opting to flick through Netflix for a good show. Satoru had excitedly pointed at one title that he said he’s always wanted to watch, and the two of you became hooked on it soon enough. Lunch and dinner were both forgotten as you two sat beside each other, your leg against his. Although you couldn’t exactly feel him, his presence was warm.

You and Satoru had been so immersed in the show and unexpected turn of events that time flew by and it was already half past three. He was the first to notice and he jumped from his seat, his hands waving worriedly in a comical manner. “I’m so sorry I made you skip your meals! Aren’t you hungry, you should have some pizza delivered or something.”

Glancing at the clock, you hummed when you realized it was indeed late. You weren’t feeling hungry since you were mostly abeyant, and nothing was open to deliver food around this time anyway. “It’s okay,” you shrug, “I’m not really hungry, and that show is addicting. Oh, and don’t watch it without me! I know you always go ahead when I’m not home!”

Satoru huffs and plops down next to you dramatically, rolling his eyes and taunting you. “Then don’t go to work, Little Miss Manager.”

You poke your finger with his forehead but it only passes through and he laughs, “I need money to survive, idiot.”

“Whatever,” he dismisses and points to your bedroom. “You’ve still got to edit your final draft, so you have to wake up early. Go to bed, don’t worry about the dish, I’ll handle it.”

“Liar, you’ll only feed from my energy so you can play video games!”

“Hey, you can’t blame me!” He counters back as he proceeds to your sink and pumps out soap to the sponge, “You were the one who bought me that console!”

“Only because you kept whining to me how much you wanted it,” you retorted before yawning, and his eyes softened at the sight of you. He rarely gets to see you dressed so comfortably in a loose shirt, cardigan and pajama pants since you were such a busy woman whose fashion sense monotonously consisted of pearl white button-up blouses and knee-length pencil skirts. Prudish and preppy, he thought, but it suits you just fine.

“You should sleep now,” he reminds you with a nod of his head back to your bedroom, and you obey, simply because your eyes were sore and tired from binge watching. You’re in the process of cocooning yourself under the covers when he calls out in a sing-song voice, “Thank you for the console, by the way. I knew you couldn’t resist me.”

“Shut up!” You scream, and his rambunctious laugh was the last thing you heard before your body wholeheartedly welcomed sleep.

You’ve been thinking about that day ever since, the moment replaying over and over again in your head, successfully distracting you from focusing on your work. Even your co-workers have noticed that you’re lusterlacking lately, but how could you focus on anything else when you had a charming yet lonely ghost who was waiting for you at home?

For days on end, you can only think about the cheerful and carefree sound of his laugh as if he had so much happiness in his lithe body that he couldn’t contain. Your heart always got tugged in its heartstrings whenever you had trouble falling asleep and he sat beside you in your bed, singing you lullabies and caressing your cheek. You started to feel him now – the gush of air in your skin meant he was pressing onto you, and the more you got attached to him, the more you got confused with your feelings.

He never told you how he was murdered and you never asked, figuring it would be too sensitive for him, and your hands balled into fists each time you remembered he was dead. Satoru is such a precious person who only has too much love to give, and it was completely unfair and outrageous that his life was taken away from him in a single flash. You’ve done your research at work, and only a few articles came up regarding his death. The case remains a mystery and still unsolved until it was completely closed due to lack of leads or suspects, but the police force highly suspected someone had broken in and committed homicide without theft, since not a single belonging of him got touched. They concluded that the murderer was drunk and lost, because he was a well-loved person in their campus, and they couldn’t find anyone who could possibly harbor abhorrence for the sweet boy.

But most of all, a part of you wants him to stay. He frequently asks you if you’ve talked to Suguru, and you always denied it, making up an excuse about how he was hard to find because he graduated years ago. ‘He’s hard to find,’ you would tell him one day, and ‘He doesn’t have social media,’ the next. Even though he told you he majored in Forensics, you couldn’t find anyone in the city.

It’s a half lie. You never found Suguru, because you never looked for him in the first place.

You know it’s selfish of you to be this way, because you know Satoru wants to move on. He doesn’t say anything about it and keeps laughing instead, but sometimes when he thinks you’re too immersed in your work to notice him, you look at him. Being around you only reminds him of what he no longer has, and one look at him has you knowing he was someone who loved life. Satoru loved to travel with his friends, and he still had so many dreams left unfulfilled that made him feel empty yet desperate to be in the afterworld.

However, it is hard for you to let him go.

No matter how much you try to fit in, deep inside, you know you will always be too different from the rest. You still struggled with socializing and didn’t have a single friend yet a hundred acquaintances, and you never realized how lonely you were until he came. His smile lit up the whole room and his laugh was melodious, and you don’t think you’ve ever met anyone who cared so much for you. He liked to play games and pull pranks on you quite often, but underneath all that lies a kind heart.

Satoru knows exactly when his jokes go too far and apologizes right away, promising not to do something to upset you again and always doing something entirely new to cheer you up. On nights where you’re feeling absolutely drained or you carried home your anger at your co-workers, you go to sleep without taking off your makeup. When you wake, there’s used wipes in the bin, the hovering boy in your apartment proud of his work. Sometimes you forget to cover yourself in blankets too, plopping on top of the sheets almost lifelessly. It’s in those times that he shows how much he cares for you, and you soon wake up feeling warm surrounded by heavy blankets and freshly cooked breakfast.

As much as you didn’t want to admit it, you were falling for him. It made interacting with him difficult, because you knew you had to let him go, yet you couldn’t.

He watches you carefully and gauges your reaction, waiting to see if you’ll finish the series with him or not. It’s a Wednesday night, or more accurately an early morning on Thursday and the launch happens in less than a week. Logically, it is much better to go back to sleep and refuse, but he is rocking his weight on his heels back and forth, and you realize perhaps he has been lonely since his death too.

“Fine,” you agree, and now he’s bouncing excitedly next to you on your couch as he keeps pressing buttons in your remote.

“You’re the best, you know that?”

You only hum in response, and Satoru soon becomes lost in the show. Your eyes aren’t focused on the screen – on him rather. Placed on top of your fist lies your cheek as you study his side profile, trying to memorize the slope of his nose and the snow-white hair that keeps falling onto his eyes that makes him flip it to the side every now and then to watch the show. His right leg keeps bouncing up and down, a habit he had when he was anxiously anticipating something, and then stopping before his left leg went bouncing instead, meaning he didn’t like the situation.

Tearing your eyes away from him, you smile sadly when you realize his favorite character had been betrayed. “Did you see that? That freaking woman, he only loved her and she snitched him out like that?!”

Shrugging one shoulder and feeling your eyes become droopy, you reply, “Well, he’s a grave robber, Satoru, he was only nice to her because he liked her. She had every right to mislead him.”

“I don’t understand, but okay,” he relents and leans back, eyes closing before he intertwines his hands behind his neck and murmurs, “I hated the ending.”

“Not everyone gets happy endings,” you add grimly, watching the muscles underneath his hoodie flex at your comment. The two of you remain silent for a few minutes, and plucking up the courage, you breathe in sharply before slowly lowering yourself until your head is on his shoulder.

You keep yourself still in order not to fall, and your eyes remain fixated on his hand, silently yearning to be able to touch him. If he was alive, would his skin be as warm as his presence? His hand flexes and trails from his lap until it’s beside yours, and you hear him swallow audibly before locking your fingers with his.

A tear falls down your face. You could feel him.

Satoru hums a familiar tune, and you chuckle happily when you recognize it’s the song he always sings to you to make you sleep, his fingers rubbing soothing circles on your knuckles.

His other hand tilts your chin upwards until you’re looking directly at his eyes. You hold in your breath, his lips only a centimeter away from yours. If you lean forward, you could kiss him… but you don’t.

“Why are you crying?”

Because I don’t want you to go.

“Nothing,” you lie and offer a forced smile which he notices, but doesn’t comment about it. “I just feel happy.”

He nods slowly before leaning forward, and he gets so close that you can faintly see his freckles that dot across his cheeks lovingly, and your eyes flutter shut when his lips press against yours. Satoru sighs as if he’s been waiting too long to do that, and he is pushing against you so softly, so tenderly, that it almost fits the same atmosphere your heart creates. He is soft in everything he does, from his innocent features and smile that puts the stars to shame, to how he holds you and caresses you. His hand trails from your neck to pull you closer, and you moan when his tongue peeks out and playfully coaxes yours out to play. Tears are streaming down your face when you kiss him back slowly, tongues moving in sync as they danced harmoniously instead of battling each other for dominance. Caressing your face that fits perfectly in his hand, he brushes away your tears with the pad of his thumbs.

A moment passes before you two are breathing heavily with your foreheads pressed against each other, and the silence is broken when he speaks, his voice coming out raspy and out of breath.

“Suguru… has been struggling long before I died.”

“What?”

“My best friend… he got into a rough patch. Had troubles with his parents, went down the wrong path, and met dangerous people. I’d heard rumors he was going around skipping class and talking to people I’ve never seen before, but I chose to ignore it. Suguru would’ve told me everything once he was ready. And I was stupid, you know? I saw it. I saw how he stopped smiling, how he’d lost weight. How his eyes no longer looked happy,” Satoru’s hands trembled, the blue of his eyes hauntingly dark. “One night, I overheard him talking to someone on the phone. I’ve never heard him that angry, and I got worried. I wanted to stop him from whatever he’ll end up doing so I invited him over but… Next thing I know, he came over here, drunk and high, and stabbed me until I bled to death.”

You gasp and shudder as you imagine the scene, Satoru lying on his bed as he waited anxiously for his friend. You see him smiling at Suguru excitedly because he’d actually come, but fear replaces it when his friend succumbs to the madness. The image of Satoru drowning in his own pool of blood made you clench your jaw.

“There had to be evidence left.”

Satoru smiles sadly as if to tell you it doesn’t bother him anymore, but you can’t shake it off. How can a man be so blinded in his own misery that he could take his own best friend’s life? “He was a forensics major; he knew how to cover up his crime.”

A pregnant pause fills the room as you furrow your brows, the sound of the cold wind tapping against your windows as you rack your head to make a decision. Now that you knew the truth, you had to tell the police about it, but how would they believe you if there was no evidence found? And if the case was cleared, and Suguru had finally moved on, that means...

“You can ask me to stay.”

“What?” You breathe out, looking at his eyes with sadness pooling in them. He’s smiling, one that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. You pull away from him completely until he’s at an arm’s length away. He doesn’t look hurt by your action but he sighs, reaching out for you and pausing with his hand mid-air when you raise a palm to stop him.

He must’ve known you’re in love with him. Just as he also knows that once he leaves, you’ll be hurt, and he doesn’t want you to feel that.

You shake your head and stand up harshly. The tears now uncontrollable as you slam your bedroom door to his face. You’re slightly thankful he doesn’t come after you and leaves you alone instead. You needed time. Time to think, time to put his needs over yours - time to forget him. Rummaging through the documents on your desk, you keep looking for it until the polaroid is clutched between your fingers, and you silently place it in your handbag.

Tomorrow, you would set things straight.

Suguru Geto was a hard man to find. He’d fled from the spotlight as one of the best students of his university after Satoru Gojo’s death. The image of his best friend, who was always in high spirits and laughed without a care in the world, covered in his own blood was a sight that scarred him for the rest of her life.

But there was one more person who hadn’t moved on from that night.

Ieri Shoko, the woman who ran first at the hospital when Satoru’s parents were away for a business trip. She didn’t want to believe it at first. Satoru had always seemed so full of life, so in love with what the world had to offer. He’d been so young – it just couldn’t be. They had to be lying, right?

But when she finally saw her friend’s bloodied corpse on that cold hospital bed, she’d fallen apart.

She went to sleep crying to herself every night, regretting and blaming everything on herself. Her instinct told her it was Suguru who had done this to him. She barged into his dorm room, screaming and flailing, punching the taller man and effectively breaking his nose as she dragged him down by the collar. Suguru was already questioned by the police after Satoru’s murder, but his alibi of being in a bar was factual, and they had proven his innocence after checking surveillance cameras. He was only gone for a few minutes before he appeared on the dance floor all over again, and they believed him when he said he only disappeared to go to the restroom.

Presumably to wash the blood off his hands.

Shoko didn’t believe it. “Tell me you didn’t kill him, tell me!”

Suguru growls, frustrated at her for even accusing him of doing such a horrendous thing, and he feigns his innocence as he pries her hands away from his collar. “I didn’t do it, Ieri, I was at a bar!”

“Bullshit!” She screams, slamming a vase onto the floor and dropping down to the floor as sobs wrecked through her body. “I smelled your perfume the moment I walked in. I know it was you…”

His eyes widened, but he remained silent because she had always been smart and too observant for her own good. He shrugs his collar back into place and goes back to his bedroom, but not before darkly muttering, “I didn’t do it, I didn’t kill him…”

Four years later, and you’re sitting in front of Officer Kento, an intimidating man with empty eyes staring at you hardly, his face devoid of any emotion. He’d been the same officer who worked on Satoru’s case before it was closed. “And why should I believe you? Ghosts don’t exist.”

You snap your head up from your lap to him and scowl, “I just want to help you here, Officer. You need to re-open this case.”

He abruptly stands up and slams his palm harshly against the desk, his eyes filled with rage as he stares down at you. “You don’t think I haven’t tried before?!”

“Well then, try harder!” You fumed, standing up. “If you don’t resolve this case, he’s going to remain here forever, lost and nowhere to go. Do you really want him to suffer even after his death?”

“How am I supposed to believe everything you say is true?”

Plucking out their polaroid from your bag and shoving it to his chest, you watch as he crumbles piece by piece. He holds the photo tentatively before cradling it to his chest, and what you presumed was a cold-hearted man was actually just a lost person.

“I don’t know why you closed that case, but it isn’t over. He’s still here, and he needs our help.”

You turn away from him to give him peace and wrap your fingers around the doorknob, “Suguru Geto is out there walking freely. You can still make a difference, Sir. It’s not too late.”

Happiness was a concept you believed to be fleeting.

One moment, you are giggling with the ghosts who tell you funny stories and whisper mischievously in your ear the correct answers in your pre-school days, and the next moment you are pressing a hand against your car windows, watching as the only people you considered friends are witnessing you leave without a goodbye.

That feeling comes back again and again, from little moments such as eating lunch with your high school friends and making empty promises to keep in touch after graduation, giggling when a cute boy comes by and asks for your number. But like any other moment in your life where you feel happy, that feeling dissipates as fast as it came.

The bell attached to the door chimes to signal a customer, and the cute florist you met on the first day you moved to this city, Choso, looks up from the pot he’s currently watering. Bowing politely, he sends a pleased smile upon the sight of you.

You tuck a stray hair behind your ear and return the smile back, his musky perfume blending in well with the sweet aroma of flowers as he stops in front of you. “Hi, I haven’t seen you in a long time.”

“I’m sorry,” you apologize sheepishly, “Our latest branch just opened downtown, so I was a bit busy with that.”

“Oh, you work for that bookshop everyone’s been talking about non-stop?” You nod and laugh at his question, proud of yourself that the new opening had been successful. The state campus was only three bus rides away, and with the extensive amount of books your bookstore offered, along with its affordable prices, everyone’s been talking about it. “I’m proud of you, it was a success,” he commends, rubbing his dirties hands on his apron before opening the door for you. What can I get you?”

Personally, you thought Choso was a bit too rugged to be working in a floral shop. He always seemed to carry himself in such an awkward manner and had an authoritative yet welcoming aura to him, his shy smiles the highlights of your day. “I want to give it to my friend. Today’s their special day.”

“I see,” Choso’s eyes are already scanning the plethora of flowers he has in his shop, his brows pinching together in thought. “Can you tell me a little bit about them? It’d help to make their bouquet more personal.”

A smile makes its way to your face. “They’re… bright, carefree, innocent, and pure. They almost seem like an angel, if you ask me. I was also thinking about something that represents young love, and… new beginnings?”

You have absolutely no idea what you’re saying. The words coming out of your mouth are beyond your control. You’re sure you’re making a fool out of yourself, but Choso nods understandingly, frows burrowed before he snaps his fingers and turns to you. “White roses describe all of those, but if you want, I can whip up more flowers for you.”

He makes a move to get his scissors and starts listing off flowers with the same meanings, but you run up to him and not so accidentally wrap your hands around his to get him to stop. His eyes widen at your close proximity. You clear your throat and take a step backward, fighting the urge to smile when his cheeks are dusted a fine pink. “White roses itself are fine, thank you.”

He gulps and heads towards the back door, coming out later with a bouquet of white roses. You reach for your wallet before his arm wraps around your wris, his smile wobbly and hesitant. “It’s on the house. You can pay me back with a cup of coffee next time.”

Eyebrows rising at his smoothness, you gratefully accept the flowers and cradle it near to your chest. “A cup of coffee it is.”

Choso chuckles shyly and ducks his head, and you leave the shop with a wave of your hand before walking further and further. Your surroundings shift from the high-rise building and busy streets to a hill covered in trees sprawled out everywhere, flowers blooming and withering at every corner. Sitting down on the soil with your legs crossed, you place the bouquet in front of his headstone, his framed polaroid with Suguru standing in front of you.

It’s been exactly seven days since you last saw Satoru.

After countless sleepless nights of phone calls from Officer Kento, he’d finally cracked the case with your help. Suguru Geto was found. He’d confessed to all his crimes, his handsome face weary yet relieved. It seemed he’d never once forgotten about that night when he betrayed his friend, and just before he was ushered behind bars, he turned to you. You wished you felt anger towards him for what he did, but there was only sadness. Only regret in his eyes. He looked so tired, so hopeless.

“Thank you,” he said softly, “Thank you for finding me.”

A nod was all you could give. Suguru felt so familiar, yet so strange. You’ve heard tons of stories about him from Satoru, all about their happiest moments together. He’d been his closest friend, the one he shared so many dreams with, and the one who knew him the most. Maybe he knew Satoru wouldn’t fight back once his demons consumed him. Maybe when Suguru was holding his friend’s bloodied hand in the night, he knew – Satoru was never mad at him. He only wanted to save his friend. Maybe he knew Satoru wasn’t completely dead yet, not when he lived in everyone’s heart, and most especially yours.

That night when you returned home, the apartment felt colder than ever. Normally, it would mean a ghost lingered. But there was no longer the sound of Satoru’s humming, and the dishes were left half-washed in your sink. And for the first time in your life, you hated your eyes and how it gave you the ability to see the traces he left behind.

Because you wished you had enough time to say goodbye. You wish you had told him everything, but the thought of being another tether to the living realm weighed down on you. You couldn’t do that to him. He had to go. For Satoru to truly move into the next life, you had to close your heart and forget him. Just as Suguru’s forgiven himself, and just as Shoko’s accepted her friend’s death - you too had to say goodbye.

Tears clouded your vision.

The white remnants of his soul sparkled in your apartment. For the last time, you watched as the blue of his hoodie finally disappeared, his hands scrubbing your dishes away fading into nothingness. The plate drops and breaks. Satoru stood, his legs vanishing bit by bit as he saw the running water through his hands. He’d wanted to return your apartment to the way it was before he’d met you, but he knew – his time was running out. He didn’t have energy left to turn everything off.

The water floods your apartment. The new series he’d dearly loved still plays on the TV.

But he was here – hugged by the earth and decorated with flowers, smiling at you from far away even when you could no longer see him. Placing the bouquet of white roses down at his grave, you smiled at the photo they’d taken months before he died. He still looked just as beautiful – all wide smiles, kind eyes, and soft hands.

To you, he was still alive in your heart.

“I’ll see you around, Satoru.”

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bosbas · 11 months ago

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Chapter 12: I thought I was better safe than starry-eyed

series masterlist previous part || next part

pairing: colin bridgerton x enemy!fem!reader WC: 3.5k words

Warnings: period-typical gender roles, insane amounts of pining, idiots in love!!, in their friends era... or are they?, the slow burn is slowww burningggg i'm so sorry

Summary: It took precisely two days in England for you to utterly despise Colin Bridgerton. It took him approximately twelve hours after that to hate you right back. But he doesn't care that you're the only person in the ton who doesn't like him. You're set to marry someone else anyway, right?

A/N: I am BACK sorry for my absence I promise I won't leave for that long again <3

July 12, 1816 – It seems that the summer heat is not the only thing causing a stir within the ton. Recently, the Montclair and Bridgerton families have been seen in each other’s company more frequently than usual. Could there be a more permanent union on the horizon?

Lord Philippe Montclair and Mr. Colin Bridgerton have been spotted in deep conversation on multiple occasions, discussing matters that appear far more serious than the usual lighthearted banter one would expect. Indeed, whispers suggest that their discussions have involved future business ventures and mutual interests, signaling a burgeoning camaraderie between the two gentlemen.

Regardless, the warmth between the two families is palpable, leading this author to wonder if we shall soon hear the sound of wedding bells. Stay vigilant, dear readers. Though no one shall stay more vigilant than this author.

As you walked home from the modiste with Eloise by your side, you noted the afternoon sun filtering through the leaves high atop the trees surrounding you. You had suggested a shortcut back to your respective homes, opting to go through the park rather than the busy streets, and you were mostly thankful for the silence of the greenery around you. Mostly.

“So, will you be joining us for dinner tonight?” asked Eloise expectantly, gently nudging your shoulder with hers.

You groaned and screwed your eyes shut, already dreading the conversation, and the evening, to come. “Yes, Mother has been quite insistent that I go. I think she’d kill me if I asked to stay home one more time.”

“I didn’t know we were that bad,” joked Eloise, only a hint of resentment in her voice.

“Not at all!” you rushed to defend yourself, cringing at the fact that one of your dearest friends was upset with you. “You know that it’s just… Well, I’m sure Colin told you everything. I really can’t bear to face him.”

In all honesty, Eloise’s annoyance was warranted. You had spent the past two weeks avoiding the Bridgertons at all costs, only seeing Eloise at balls or in your own home. The only reason you had gone to Bridgerton House today was because you and Eloise were leaving immediately afterward to go get new dresses, and you were certain you wouldn’t run into Colin.

Not only were you still terribly embarrassed by your assumptions of Colin's character, but you also found yourself strangely drawn to him. Now that nothing prevented you from actually liking him, and now that you knew that he was not a horrible person like you had previously thought, you were in a bit of a conundrum. Colin Bridgerton had charmed you, and you knew that if you let yourself, you could very well start to grow feelings for him.

And that wouldn’t do. No, it absolutely wouldn’t. For starters, the two of you had never managed to get along anyway, so you had no idea how you would even live in relative peace were you to have a future. Even so, your father would never approve, no matter what Lady Whisteldown was alluding to. And so Colin was out of the question as a husband or really anything other than a friend.

But while you had been meticulously maneuvering through your social outings to avoid her family, Eloise had slowly been losing patience. She had tolerated whatever had been going on between you and Colin at the beginning of the season, but it was high time that you stopped acting so childish. Especially after Anthony and Kate’s ball, where the two of you had already apologized for your misunderstanding and subsequent feud.

“I can’t believe you haven’t seen him since that night,” scolded Eloise, crossing her arms in a huff. Then, in a humorous tone, she added, “He doesn’t actually look that bad with a broken nose if that’s what you’re worried about. The swelling has gone down considerably.”

Not able to help yourself, you let out a small snort and smiled at your friend. “No, it’s not that. I’m just so embarrassed. Oh heavens, even just thinking about it I can feel my face getting hot. He did tell you about it, right?”

“Yes,” responded Eloise, giving you a very pointed look. “He was very excited about the fact that you didn’t actually hate him. He wouldn’t stop talking about it for two days. Though now I wonder if that really is the case, given your behavior.”

“Oh, no,” you groaned, putting your head in your hands in desperation.

“He was quite embarrassed as well, Y/N,” Eloise reminded you gently. “I don’t see why you can barely stand to be in the same room as him even now.”

“I just-” you started, finding it difficult to explain why you had been so against seeing him, or any of his family, really, after the most recent ordeal with Lord Barlow.

But Eloise wasn’t letting you get away with it any longer. She slowed down her previously brisk walk, looking straight into your eyes as she gestured for you to continue.

“I just wasted so much time and energy fighting with him and I’m so ashamed that your family saw that side of me. I didn’t even know I could be that unpleasant! And to make matters worse, it was all for nothing since I was completely in the wrong.”

“Not completely,” Eloise mused. Colin had been quite kind to you in his retelling of the events, and Eloise was inclined to believe her brother’s account.

With a sigh, your friend turned to face you. “I wish you had told me what you thought of him because I would have either helped you realize your mistake or helped you kill him.”

You laughed again, shaking your head as you realized how lucky you were to have Eloise in your life. Linking arms with her, you patted her hand as you explained, “I was just terrified of the recourse. My parents were so insistent that I ‘act ladylike’ that I was scared of revealing I had been unchaperoned in the presence of two men. And besides, I didn’t want to ruin your perception of your brother.”

“Well, regardless, it will all be resolved at dinner tonight, seeing how you’ll be in attendance.”

A soft sigh escaped your lips.

“I certainly hope so.”

---

As you walked into the dining room, a soft smile on your lips as you spoke with Kate, Colin’s breath was stolen from his body. He already hadn’t been expecting to see you, already growing accustomed to having you avoid him, but seeing you look as beautiful as you did now was completely doing him in.

“Y/N,” he whispered from across the room, unable to tear his eyes away from you.

Feeling an elbow digging into his ribs, Colin turned to see Benedict, smirking as he watched his younger brother. “Might I suggest pulling yourself together if you don’t want to scare her away again?”

“Be quiet,” hissed Colin, but he ran a hand through his hair to regain his composure anyway.

“Benedict!” you greeted, delighted at finally seeing him for so long. “And Colin!” you added, hoping your voice didn’t reveal the nervousness you were feeling.

“Lovely to see you again,” said Benedict brightly, squeezing your shoulder.

Then, feigning some obligation or another, the second Bridgerton slipped out of the dining room to join the rest of your families, leaving you alone with Colin. Benedict had been terribly obvious, but the resulting awkwardness that enveloped you and Colin kept you from noticing his brash exit.

“I’m happy you’re here,” Colin spoke, almost timidly. Then, speaking very quickly, he added, “I was fairly confused when I didn’t hear from you for two weeks, but I didn’t want to call on you because we agreed to just be friends and I didn’t want to give you the wrong impression. Though now that I think about it, that might have been the decent thing to do."

Sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck, Colin looked down at the floor as he waited for your response.

“Not at all!” you rushed out, wanting to reassure him. “It was my fault entirely. I apologize for not speaking with you sooner, I was just a tad embarrassed, as you can probably imagine.”

Colin’s shoulders relaxed and he smiled, feeling at ease now that he was certain you didn’t spontaneously hate him again.

“You were embarrassed? I rather think I should be the one feeling that way,” he laughed. “I still find it hard to believe you could have thought I was that... horrid for so long.”

You put your hands over your face and shook your head. “I can’t believe it either,” you groaned.

Sensing you were getting worked up again, Colin instinctively put a comforting arm around your shoulders, pressing you to him. “No, it’s quite alright. I promise I was just…”

Then, suddenly realizing just how close he was holding you to him, Colin stepped away quickly. Instead of apologizing and drawing even more attention to his overstepping, he settled for clearing his throat awkwardly, clasping his hands behind his back to keep from reaching out to you again.

“It was all in jest, I swear,” promised Colin, realizing he had never finished his earlier sentence.

Before you could respond, Violet walked into the dining room, followed by your family.

“Hello, Y/N!” she greeted you, reaching over to put a hand on your forearm in greeting. “I’m thrilled you’re here! We missed you last week.”

You smiled gratefully back at her, internally chastising yourself for ever wanting to avoid this wonderful family. All because you were scared of facing Colin, who, as it turned out, had a singular talent for making you feel at ease.

“You’re seated here, next to Colin,” indicated Violet, gesturing toward a seat near the end of the dining table.

“Oh,” you breathed out, not expecting to have to be in such proximity to him for the whole night. Realizing you had been impossibly rude, you added, “Thank you very much, I’m sure we’ll have lots to catch up on.”

Four courses later, you were having the time of your life. You were sitting between Francesca and Colin, and both had been keeping you endlessly entertained as you ate. Speaking to Colin came so naturally that you wondered how the two of you had ever managed to fight so much without ever having a proper conversation, save for one or two. It seemed impossible now, the forgone tension between you. Especially when you had to actively ensure that you were talking to Francesca, too, rather than just Colin. But he was just so easy to talk to, and you simply had so much in common that it was proving quite difficult to focus on anything else.

“Are you excited for your season next year?” you asked Francesca, leaning away from Colin so you could concentrate on speaking to her.

“I suppose I’m looking forward to having something of my own,” she responded after chewing thoughtfully. “An experience of my own, that is. It’ll be quite the luxury, especially being from a family as large as mine. Did you ever feel that way?”

You hummed, thinking back on your season. “I felt that way at the beginning, to be sure. But having seen my older sister’s fairytale romance and having a season that was nowhere near that had me wishing for a season similar to hers in the end.”

“Oh, I didn’t mean that-” Francesca started, having forgotten your ordeal with Lord Barlow.

You waved her apology away, smiling warmly at her. “Not to worry, I’m quite well-adjusted now. Perhaps next season will be better, though I’m not sure how unique it will be since I’m heading back to Spain, just as Isabelle did.”

“Are you really leaving?” asked Francesca, partially in shock that you were leaving after only one season. “But-”

“Y/N does,” came a loud voice next to you.

Confused, you turned around to face Colin, who seemed to have gone quite red in the face.

“I hadn’t realized I was speaking that loud,” he said bashfully, nervous now that most everyone at the table was looking at him expectantly. “Anthony was only talking about how I use the night sky to navigate my crew when I travel, and I was pointing out that you are quite knowledgeable in that area as well,” he explained, looking at you with wide, uncertain eyes.

Anthony, who had been at the other side of the table, was struggling to contain his laughter.

“I had no idea Y/N knew so much about the stars,” commented Violet, looking directly at Colin as she did so, an unreadable expression on her face.

Highly uncomfortable at being the center of attention for this particular reason, the third Bridgerton internally cringed and gulped his wine, hoping to wash down some of the discomfort as he did so.

“We’ve only talked about it a few times, but she does seem to be quite the expert,” he said finally.

Feeling charitable, Louis chimed in to change the subject, “I know I’ve been victim to her hour-long lectures about which constellations are visible at any given point in time. Were you thinking of traveling soon, Anthony?”

Letting out a sigh of relief now that the attention was no longer fixed on his thinly veiled infatuation with you, Colin cast a fleeting smile in your direction, eager to gauge your reaction.

But you only smiled amusedly at him, snickering as he gripped his fork and knife tightly in his hands with leftover tension.

“Tell Louis I say thank you,” he muttered.

You shook your head. “It’ll get to his head,” you argued.

And Colin’s smile in return was so charming, so roguish, and so handsome that you were tempted to forget your agreement to be friends right then and there.

Ah, that was why you had been avoiding him, you reminded yourself. Colin was far too charismatic for his own good. For your own good, rather.

But you had to remind yourself of what your parents –and society– expected you to find. A man with a title and a fortune. And that was decidedly not a Mr. Colin Bridgerton.

Clearing your throat, you turned away from Colin to face Francesca again.

Friends, you reminded yourself. You were friends with Colin.

---

The Montclair brothers sat in their father’s study, brandy in hand as they so often did after evening dinners ran long and they needed to wind down. Supper with the Bridgertons had been lovely, but the boys had important matters to discuss with their father. Well, important matters to you. But important nonetheless.

“Que pensez-vous de Colin?” asked Jacques, trying to seem nonchalant (What do you think of Colin?).

“Bah, il est assez gentil, mais il est vraiment amoureux,” came your father’s gruff response before he took a long sip of brandy, rubbing his temples (Well, he’s nice enough, but he’s definitely in love).

“Quoi? Amoureux de qui?” pressed Philippe, feigning innocence as if this wasn’t exactly what the brothers wanted Lord Montclair to notice (What? In love with who?).

“De Y/N, bien sûr,” replied your father, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world (With Y/N, of course).

That was the tipping point for Louis, who apparently was the only person in the world who wasn't instantly attuned to Colin’s feelings. Forgetting why he and his brothers were so eager to meet with their father and talk about Colin, the youngest Montclair brother set his glass of brandy down in exasperation.

“Putain, comment tout le monde a pu voir ça?” (Damnit, how did everyone else see that?)

---

Laughing quietly at a comment Colin had whispered in your ear, you found yourself truly enjoying a ball for the first time in a very long time. Now that you were past all the hatred and subsequent awkwardness, it was lovely to spend an evening with Colin by your side.

This might have been the first ball you had been to that you hadn’t spent a considerable amount of time sulking at. It was, to say the very least, quite freeing.

Not to mention the absolute entertainment that was watching the third Bridgerton rush from ambitious mama to eligible lady and back to another mama as he attempted to please everyone. You had only been here an hour and he’d already danced three times and spoken with at least four women you knew for a fact he had no interest in.

“Ah, Mr. Bridgerton, it’s lovely to see you again,” came a voice behind you.

Both of you turned around to face Miss Anne McCall, who was looking at Colin expectantly. Amused, you raised your eyebrows at him, too. You could bet your family’s entire fortune that Colin had promised her a dance at some point tonight.

He cleared his throat awkwardly, briefly touching your arm. “Excuse me just a moment, Y/N.”

You nodded, unable to respond because you were momentarily overtaken by the feel of his hand on you. An unfamiliar warmth radiated to you, and you almost stumbled as you tried to regain your bearings.

Looking out across the ballroom, you spotted Colin smiling and laughing as he danced with Miss McCall, who was looking absolutely enamored as he spun her around. You smiled to yourself, glad that your rivalry with him had been resolved and you could simply appreciate the fact that he was a lovely person. Maybe some night you would be the one he was spinning around the ballroom.

Shaking your head to will the mental image away, you made your way to the other side of the ballroom, needing to clear your head.

However, a hand gripped yours and you turned around, surprised. Colin’s relieved eyes met yours and he pulled you closer to him, though still allowing an appropriate distance between you two in case anyone was observing.

“A turn about the ballroom?” he suggested, eyes pleading.

Once again taken aback by how aware you were of his skin on yours, you could only nod, allowing him to place your hand in the crook of his elbow.

“Thank you,” he murmured. “I think I’ve spoken to too many people tonight. If I have to laugh politely at another conversation I’m certain I will dissolve right where I'm standing.”

You rolled your eyes good-naturedly, squeezing his arm. “You don’t have to do it, you know?”

“Do what?”

“That,” you said, gesturing toward the dancefloor full of couples waltzing. “You’re allowed to say no.”

Colin frowned, thoughtful. “I wouldn’t want to disappoint them.”

“Why not?” you pressed.

“I- I don’t know, I suppose. It feels like it’s what I should be doing. Doesn’t everyone?”

“Hmm, not particularly. I’ve said no to plenty of men wanting to dance with me, you included,” you nudged him playfully.

“That doesn’t really count, though. Because you’re… you. It doesn’t matter if you say no to every single man asking you to dance.”

“Doesn’t it? You’re also you. So, it doesn’t matter either.”

“No, I mean that…I don’t know what I mean. I suppose that people would still like you even if you said no a lot.”

Your eyebrows shot up as you took in what Colin was saying.

“People would still like you if you said no every once in a while, you know? I know I would.”

Colin shook his head. “It’s still different!” Then, softening his voice, he added, “Because you have… Or rather, because I just don’t have any remarkable qualities beyond people finding me charming or affable.”

“Colin,” you scolded, rolling your eyes. Then, seeing that he was quite serious, your expression sobered. “Of course you have value beyond how much people like you. My word, Colin. You are so clever and so well-traveled. You can orient yourself on a map at first glance, and I doubt you would ever get lost at sea. You know most constellations visible from London, and I don’t even know how many beyond that.”

“Alright, I see your point,” he laughed, secretly wishing you would continue speaking forever. Colin was practically preening at your praise, and he so desperately wished you could want him the way he wanted you. “What do you suggest I do at balls, then, if I'm not dancing with every single member of the ton?”

“Well, you could start by only dancing with people you want to dance with.”

“In that case, would you like to dance with me?”

You laughed, shaking your head. “No, I’m serious.”

“So am I,” insisted Colin. Then, after a pause, he added, “Friends can dance together," a twinge of regret in his chest as he said the words.

But that seemed to placate you, and you placed your hand in his. “I suppose they do.”

With a shaky breath, you prepared for the next few minutes you would spend in Colin’s arms, not quite sure you or your heart were ready to look into his mesmerizing eyes and not fall completely head over heels for him.

But one smile from him, and you were completely at ease. One dance couldn’t hurt, right?

—

previous part || next part || buy me a ko-fi!

I no longer have a taglist for this fic, but turn on post notifications for @bosbas-library to stay updated when I post!

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chiyuuchu · 9 months ago

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Shoto’s for you page <3 (30th July 2024)

Shoto Todoroki x Reader

Prompt! The class tried to figure what a nonchalant boy like Shoto Todoroki would have on his tiktok for you page.

Class 1-A was abuzz with energy during a rare free period. As usual, the students found themselves immersed in various activities—some studying, others chatting, and a few engrossed in their phones. The topic of the day happened to be TikTok, as Mina proudly showed off the latest dance trend she had mastered.

"Deku, what's your FYP like?" Kaminari asked, lounging on his desk.

Midoriya blushed, rubbing the back of his head. "Oh, you know, mostly hero analysis videos, training tips, and a few cat videos."

Kirishima laughed. "Sounds about right. What about you, Bakugou?"

Bakugou scoffed, crossing his arms. "Explosions, fight scenes, and cooking hacks. Why does it matter?"

The class erupted in laughter, each person sharing snippets of their For You Pages, until the conversation naturally drifted towards the enigmatic Todoroki Shoto.

"Hey, Todoroki," Mina called out, a mischievous glint in her eye. "Do you have TikTok?"

Todoroki, who had been quietly reading a book, looked up with his usual calm demeanor. "Yes, I do."

The class fell silent for a moment, collectively stunned. Todoroki having TikTok seemed almost out of character for the stoic boy.

"Wait, really?" Jiro asked, incredulous. "What do you even watch on there?"

Todoroki shrugged. "Midoriya kept asking me to download it so he could send me videos. I thought it would be easier to just have the app."

This piqued everyone's curiosity. "So, what's your FYP like?" Kaminari asked, leaning forward eagerly.

Todoroki hesitated, an unusual expression crossing his face. "I'd rather not show."

The class exchanged puzzled looks. What could Todoroki, of all people, possibly have on his TikTok that he wouldn't want to share?

"Come on, Todoroki!" Mina pleaded. "We're all friends here. What are you hiding?"

But Todoroki remained firm. "No."

Suspicion and curiosity reached an all-time high. The students whispered among themselves, brainstorming ways to uncover Todoroki's mysterious FYP. Finally, Mina came up with a plan.

The next day, during another free period, Mina put her plan into action. She sent Todoroki a TikTok and approached him with a smile. "Hey, Todoroki, can you open your phone and check the TikTok I just sent you? I think you'll find it interesting."

Todoroki, unsuspecting, nodded and pulled out his phone. As soon as he opened the app, Mina lunged, snatching the phone from his hands.

"Mina, what are you—" Todoroki started, but it was too late. The entire class gathered around as Mina began scrolling through his For You Page.

The room fell into a stunned silence as the truth was revealed. Todoroki's FYP was filled with TikTok edits of Y/N. Clips of her during training, random shots of her around campus, and even some candid moments where she was just being herself—all meticulously edited with effects, music, and transitions.

“No way!” Kaminari wheezed as he took the phone from Mina. “Let’s check his favorites!” he said with a smirk.

And behold.. an edit of Y/n way back from the sports festival with an incredibly great velocity transition to the song ‘One Of The Girls’. And it was in fact very interesting.

“It’s not what it looks like—!” Todoroki pleaded in embarrassment.

The class, however, erupted into a mix of laughter and teasing.

"Well, well, well," Kaminari smirked. "Looks like someone has a crush!" he sing-songs as he swipes on the next favorite which happened to be an edit of Y/n playing the electric guitar during the school festival performance with the background music being ‘Heartbeat’ by Childish Gambino. The edit was indeed also very alluring with its flashing velocity and dim filter.

Kirishima clapped Todoroki on the back. "Didn't know you had it in you, man."

Even Bakugou couldn't help but chuckle. "You're more of a sap than I thought, Icy Hot."

“Don’t worry! We won’t tell Y/n.” Mina teases.

The class continued to tease Todoroki, but just then, the door opened and Y/N walked in, her eyes narrowing as she noticed the commotion.

“Tell me what?” she asked, crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow.

The room fell silent, everyone exchanging nervous glances.

“Uh, nothing!” Mina said, trying to deflect. “Just… hero stuff.”

Y/N wasn’t convinced. “Hero stuff? Really?”

Midoriya, ever the peacemaker, tried to step in. “It’s just that, um, Todoroki’s TikTok FYP is… interesting.”

Y/N’s curiosity piqued, and she looked directly at Todoroki. “Interesting how?”

Todoroki took a deep breath, deciding it was time to come clean. "My FYP is full of edits of you, Y/N. I hope this isn’t weird and… I do very much admire you."

The class held their breath, waiting for Y/N’s reaction. She blinked, processing the information, before a small smile spread across her face.

“You… admire me?” she repeated softly.

Todoroki nodded, feeling a mix of vulnerability and relief. “Yes. I didn’t know how to tell you, but I guess now you know.”

Y/N’s smile widened, and she took a step closer to him. “You could have just told me, you know. I’ve been trying to get your attention for ages.”

The class collectively sighed with relief and joy, realizing that this was the moment they had been waiting for.

“So,” Kaminari said, breaking the tension, “are you two finally going to go out or what?”

Todoroki looked at Y/N, his eyes filled with newfound confidence.

Y/N laughed, nodding enthusiastically. “I’d love to, Shoto.”

The class cheered, clapping and whistling as the new couple shared a shy, but happy moment. And as the buzz of excitement filled the room, Todoroki couldn’t help but feel relieved. What had started as a mortifying ordeal had ended in the best way possible.

#todoroki headcanons #shoto x reader #shoto x you #shoto headcanons #todoroki fluff #bnha #bnha x reader #shoto todoroki x reader #shoto fluff

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menop033 · 3 months ago

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Some random and unimportant thoughts on the name of Cassandra Cain, mostly pertinent to Post-Crisis:

Her first name, Cassandra, is a direct reference to the Oracle of Troy. The pretty known fact about her is that she spoke true prophecies but was never to be believed. It was already discussed that this, indeed, ties into Cain's difficulty with speech and communication and being understood by literally anyone that's not the world's most dangerous assassin who presumably hardly cares about her. No new revelations here, I am afraid.

In a novelization of the event No Man's Land by Greg Rucka (a really good book, by the way, I can only recommend it), the name 'Cassandra' was given to her by Barbara Gordon, who called herself Oracle, so she kind of named her after herself in more than one way (Cassandra and Batgirl). She may have had some issues projecting herself into her later on in Batgirl (2000), it is not that important but it should be noted. Later on, it was revised to be a name given to her by her biological mother, Lady Shiva, naming her after both herself and her deceased sister (Sandra and Carolyn). I am not sure whether I agree with that choice.

Cassandra, the prophetess, was admired and given a gift by Apollo, and when his love wasn't reciprocated, he decided to curse her as well. Cass Cain was given a 'gift' by her father, David, the harsh martial arts training, being able to see intent and predict movements by seeing the tiniest changes in a body language, and she was, too, 'cursed' by him in the communication department, her not being even spoken to, not being taught how to speak. Also, David had an unhealthy admiration towards her, as he saw her as his greatest triumph, weapon. But he didn't even give her the space to betray him, unlike Apollo in the Greek myth, dooming her from the start.

Although etymologically it is unexplained, there are a few theories that I think are rather interesting and could be relevant. It has been connected to a word kekasmai which means "to surpass, to excel", which is precisely what Cass feels the need to be, what she thinks she should be, as per her upbringing with David Cain. The other proposed roots would fit much more with Barbara Gordon's Oracle, though.

As for her surname, Cain, it comes from the Bible. Cain was the firstborn of two first people on the earth, Adam and Eve, and was basically the first killer, after the fact forever marked with a mark of Cain, forced to wander. This pretty closely resembles how once Cass killed, she ran away, wandering for a (long) while and definitely believing, that she is forever 'marked' by what she had that, irredeemable.

And… as for sources, it's basically all wikipedia or fandom wiki. It's a Tumblr post, not a dissertation.

So yeah, her name is fitting, cool and kind of edgy. But the whole character is cool and kind of edgy. With the all-black suit and clothing. And black lipstick, obviously.

#cassandra cain #cass cain #barbara gordon #david cain #batman #batgirl #batgirl 2000 #dc comics #dc

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magidoggie · 1 year ago

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A LOOK INTO SHI/HIR PRONOUNS AND THEIR ORIGINS

So I’ve seen people claim that shi/hir pronouns are intersex exclusive (mostly intersex people), and others say they aren’t (mostly non-intersex people)

As an intersex person, I've been confused about this for a while, so I decided to look into it

THIS POST WILL CONTAIN NSFW TOPICS, FURRIES, TALKS OF FETISHIZATION OF INTERSEX BODIES, AND INTERSEX SLURS!

Most of the users of these pronouns seem to be non-intersex people, but there are also intersex people who use them.

I've seen a decent amount of intersex people say that shi/hir pronouns are only ours to use, as they were used against us (like a shortened version of he-she). This would make them basically slurs that only we can reclaim.

I've even seen some claims that Geoffrey Chaucer himself coined these words?? (The chaucer thing, I haven't been able to find a source for. Even so, it is most likely just an old spelling of "she/her")

I’ve seen people say it originated on 4chan. It'd be hard to verify, as 4chan is known for not keeping threads up for long. There are 4chan archives, but I've tried my hardest to look for any combinations of things like "shi" and different terms that could work with it like "intersex" "freak" or "hermaphrodite" . I don't doubt it's been used on 4chan, but I can't find much, and archival sites don't go back far enough.

Regardless, the pronouns seem quite old. One thing I did find under the search of ""4chan" shi hir" on Google, was a.. descriptive post on a furry porn website called e621.net

Okay, 13 years ago, that's a start. It certainly contains the word "herm" (short for hermaphrodite), and the word intersex used with this pronoun.

Godspeed TheShadowfox42 I hope you found the image.

Using Google's "Before:(date)" feature, I searched "shi herm before:2010", and unsurprisingly, I found a lot of furry porn.

Stories on sofurry.com, a furry website that looks to be from at least 2007, if not older. I'll spare you the details, but indeed, there, they use shi/hir pronouns for their "herm" characters. Did these pronouns originate from.. furries?? I put that though aside for now, to look further into other uses.

As it turns out, the journey does not end at 2007. Urban dictionary has an entry from 2003

No slurs here, it looks like a neutral usage. Again, going back to Google. Now, search terms "hir "gender neutral" before:2004"

Many results show up now, now articles rather than furries. American.edu (seems to be a university), Swarthmore.edu (this is a college), both from 2001. jstor.org with a journal article from 1999. Unfortunately I can't read that one, as I have to pay a whole $63 to purchase it. I even found a PDF file from 1994 by core.ac.uk

But, what I've realized now is this is not usage of shi/hir pronouns. All of these use Ze/hir pronouns. I don't know if there is any link, but the last pronoun looking the same must've obscured the results.

From the american.edu article on these pronouns. You can see the usage of "hir" alongside "ze", and below it, the usage of ze/zir pronouns, which seem to be used more today.

Shit.. Doing the search all over again with the pronoun "shi" yields.. very few results apart from people talking about Chinese words.

Wait what about those furries from earlier? The tvtropes.org article does include this:

Chakona space? Chakats? Pronouns he came up with? Admittedly I kept seeing these centaur feline hybrid characters come up quite consistently during this dive, but I had to look into it further.

Oh buddy what did I get myself into. This is from 2001 best I can tell, so we're getting quite old here. I scroll down on the page.

And lower down.

Now this is all very interesting speculative biology, but what I'm focusing on is again, the usage of "hermaphrodite" together with the pronouns "shi/hir". Did a furry artist named Bernard Doove come up with these pronouns.

It gets yet older.. New search, "chakats "shi" before:2001"

Again, Bernard Doove's art from 2000, 1999, 1998,

I find a website called yerf.metafur.org It has furry art, dating all the way back to the mid 1990's, but here, on December 23 1998, is the first appearance of these pronouns on that site.

This Bernard Doove person has been at this project, with these pronouns for a while.

From what I can tell, many of his art pieces, they seem to be quite sexual beings. Quite fetishistic of hermaphroditism at times. (or intersexuality, take your pick)

The other thing I found with my search was a website, furry.org.au/bosshoss/

My search says it's from September 14 1998.

That's certainly some information, but it might come in handy. So Chakat Goldfur provided this website? Who is that? Looking into it, that seems to be a character created by Bernard Doove, that acts as an alter ego. Further down, the person running this website lists some other websites they enjoy. One being "Proxima Centauri", which seems to be another furry artist.

"I met this one at ConFURence 8. Very interesting. (Did I mention shi is a hermaphrodite uni-centaur?)"

(For context, ConFURence is a furry convention held in 1997)

Again, the usage of hermaphrodite, and the pronoun shi. At this point, the website being linked to is long gone, but the wayback machine provides help. The website, http://www.spots.ab.ca/~unicorn/main.htm has been captured all the way back to October 8th 1997.

At this time, the website was under construction. No images are willing to load and haven't been archived, but the description is intact.

So this person uses shi/hir pronouns for their hermaphroditic character all the way back in 1997. There are links to other places where this person used to host their works, but they are all down and haven't been archived. The thread is running thin..

Back to Bernard Doove, the Chakat creator. There must be something more to this. Turns out, there was. On the "yerf" website, I actually found several art pieces that were not picked up by Google.

Febuary 22 1997. Getting yet older. In some art pieces, Bernard references "Forest Tale" and "forest tales", so I went looking for whatever that was.

1995?? you've got to be kidding. It's an adult story involving these "chakat" beings, and sure enough, down the page

Shi/hir pronouns used over and over again.

With the use of hermaphrodite.

But.. This is kind of where it ends. I couldn't seem to find anything older, and I'm not going to contact Bernard Doove over this. Even something as old as 29 years is impressive to me. Bernard Doove states his characters were inspired by other furry artists' creatures of the time, but since it's 1995, there isn't much left for me to find here. Anything before that time is probably lost.

With all the information I have been able to gather, it looks to shi/hir pronouns were created by Bernard Doove who is a furry author and artist. Shi/hir were made to be a midway between "she" and "him" in some way, to be a gender neutral word for hermaphroditic genetically modified beings called "chakats" in his stories. As an intersex person myself, I don't enjoy the use of "hermaphrodite" in such a way, as it's a slur for us. But these types of characters also seem to be very old, and we, and our struggles, were completely unknown to the vast majority of people, even moreso than nowadays.

If you use those pronouns for an intersex person who doesn't use them, it is indeed intersexist, as you are implying we are hermaphrodites.

But as for whether only intersex people can use them? I'm not sure. The original intent doesn't seem be directly linked to intersex people. You could argue that these hermaphroditic characters are fetishized versions of how many people see us, and have seen us for a long time. Afterall, hermaphrodite was, and still is, a common slur for us.

I don't doubt some people have used these pronouns as slurs against us as well, but I also haven't found anything specifically that supports that. It always seemed to be for specific fictional characters that COULD be based off specific intersex attributes

I'm not going to argue one way or the other. This was just me trying to find what I could about these pronouns and their history. Just be mindful of how you use these pronouns, and the connections they have to fetishes revolving around the common misinterpretation of intersex bodies (as in, "having both parts")

Thank you for reading.

I hope you learned something. I know I did, and I now have a headache.

#shi/hir #pronouns #history #internet #intersex #fetishization #furry #queer history #doggie barks

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caesarflickermans · 1 month ago

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SOTR question: What did you think of the apperances of Beetee, Wiress and Mags in the book?

I wish we would have gotten a healthy mix of old canon and new canon victors. It would have helped the feeling that there's indeed a large community of victors instead of a selected few. In addition, that way she could have avoided some irritations in connectivity to former canon.

Beetee surprised me mostly due to his age, but I don't know yet how to feel about him and his son being the true spark of the rebellion. Because I hope we are all on the same page here—the implication, to me, is that Ampert's reaping fueled Beetee to do something, thus the rebellion was born. And I take issue with how that plot played out, not for the sake of Beetee or Plutarch, but for Haymitch's story whereupon his seeming original thought is merely an implant from these two. At least Katniss decided to use the berries on her own, not because Beetee said so.

Mags and Wiress were flat and at times hard to distinguish. I agree with the people calling into question why Haymitch never brought this up—or why Katniss did not see it on the tape—but my biggest gripe was that I just didn't feel anything about their presence. I think they were fine, non-offensive, but in that aspect they were also not very interesting. The fact that much of their disability comes from a post-50th Games torture truly bothers me, especially because it could have been a great opportunity to show how different these characters are between a woman who has had decades to deal with her trauma and a victor who has a very recent PTSD.

While most of this might come across as harsh, I at the same time don't feel enough about either of these characters. And this isn't because these were never my favs, but simply because the book just did not make me care about them. Beetee did get to me a bit, but the writing did the opposite of elevating him and his struggles. He told me all of his life's problems as soon as I met him. That is no emotional buildup. Ampert's death was rather sad and I felt for Beetee, but the aftermath—oh? another baby? not killing himself?—was a bit of an eyeroll.

#thg #the hunger games #sotr #sunrise on the reaping #sotr spoilers #inbox #le-corbeau

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zahri-melitor · 11 months ago

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Catwoman 1989 (Her Sister's Keeper):

This is a direct sequel to Batman: Year One, and I definitely had to dig BYO back out and line the stories up, and in doing so I noticed how much work Mindy Newell did to transform the needlessly dark, grim and gritty reboot of Selina's origin into a story where you could see Selina in it.

I actually do think Batman: Year One is a story worth reading, and it very much fits into the dark realism turn that was gripping DC in the mid to late 80s. I also think that Frank Miller doesn't care about the interior lives of women (or as them as anything more than set dressing, given how much of his oeuvre consists of every woman appearing being framed by her sexual relationship to the men in the story, down to 'and the women here are all prostitutes').

Mindy Newell does.

Selina's bondage-gear costume and mask from BYO makes sense - as it's a costume her pimp gave her to wear for a particular client. Selina's haircut makes sense - she's started training in self defence with Ted Grant after having been beaten up by a client and left for dead outside of Maggie's convent. Newell literally spends half of the first issue reusing every panel that shows Selina or Holly from Batman #404 and #405, and providing context and additional motivation for what's happening and how that affects Selina. She breaks down the hardened, self-assured Selina that Miller wrote and shows the uncertainty, self doubt and determination under it.

It's just fascinating reinterpretation work to find a character underneath a story that doesn't centre them, and as someone who's done similar work as a fanfic writer it does indeed strike me that Newell does this in a confident way that makes it clear both Newell and Brozowski were sitting there with the issues open in front of them...and Brozowski was redrawing, not tracing. Transformational storytelling!

It also hits a lot of points about how and why Selina becomes Catwoman. Why's she stealing jewels? Because it's a lot more lucrative to her than sex work (and she enjoys it more). She's caught up in her quest for revenge more than saving Maggie - until her decisions lead to Maggie almost dying. She gives Selina and Bruce a proper conversation together about their different moral codes and motivations. Selina's desire to check on the people of the East End starts here, even if its initial form is mostly selfish and does not extend much past the people she cares about.

What I also did not expect going in was how much I was going to like Magdalene. Maggie’s tougher and has got more grit to her than I expected. She stands up to the cops with assurance, she seeks help on her own terms, she refuses to be a victim while she's kidnapped, and she faces off with Batman to protect her sister.

(Batman and Maggie talking in Catwoman #4)

The art is also excellently atmospheric the whole way through, hampered as it is by the fact that Batman Year One had already given Selina two of my least favourite outfits ever to use for this overlapping story.

I really liked this. From what I hear, Newell's Lois Lane mini is equally interesting in terms of centring a woman's story in a dark and gritty setting. Her background in healthcare as a nurse pops out in terms of what the story focused on. I really wish Newell had been given more writing opportunities, later on, because what she put together here is just really intelligent and entertaining.

#z canon read throughs #selina kyle #her sister's keeper #recent reads

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karan-koron · 1 year ago

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Genazo cheat sheet: Blink and you'll miss it edition

Another post where I try to list interesting details and tidbits about the movie, easter eggs, and such. I will try to follow the movie chronologically, but there might be some back-and-forth. Of course, this will include spoilers. If you're interested about Gegege no Nazo trivia and context, I wrote two more posts on the subject, here and here.

This movie is packed with little details that gives it insane rewatch value (I went to the theaters too many times...), either as references, easter eggs, or small touches that give not only historical accuracy, but also breathe more life into the characters and the world they inhabit. Let's go for another deep dive under the cut!

- Opening scene, present time

Yamada

His name and appearance evokes Salaryman Yamada, a character part of Mizuki Shigeru's star system. I won't go through all of them, but multiple characters in Genazo are part of that star system, like the section chief and the president of the blood bank, some of Osada's henchmen, etc. (here a star system refers to the use of a rotating cast of characters put into different roles through different stories but retaining key characteristics, either in design, personality, etc. Tezuka Osamu is known for this practice as well.) But specifically, Yamada reminds me of Joho-ya, "The informant", or "Hunter" (in Inka-subs), from Akuma-kun!

Ruins of Nagura village

As Kitaro's group and Yamada go through the village, you'll notice obvious items that played a part in the movie : the Sengoku-era armor, the hospital beds, Tokisada's ball form, etc. In the shot where Medama Oyaji says "The time has finally come, 70 years later...", Katsunori's car is in the foreground. Yamada stumbles upon the armor which I already mentioned, and is fairly obvious, but please notice the skull on the helmet: its left eye is worn-out! He then gets jump-scared by an Ichimatsu doll, which seems to have belonged to the little girl coughing in the train Mizuki and Gegero rode to Nagura village. Interestingly, though the patterns on the fabric are different, she shares the color of her kimono with Sayo, and both wear a bow in their hair. Finally, when Yamada points his flashlight at a window, a ghost appears for a frame or two, wearing a headdress making it looks like someone working for the Ryuga family. Which brings us to our next point... !

Hidden yokai and ghosts.

Mizuki Shigeru's daughter, Mizuki Etsuko, wrote the lyrics for Gegege no Kitaro 6th series' 3rd ending theme : "Mienkeredomo orundayo", "You can't see them, but they are here".

And indeed, if you look closely, or if you close one eye, you'll find that yokai have been present in the story way before Gegero made Mizuki notice them. Frankly, I don't know if I found them all, and what I can show you is mostly thanks to the joint effort of movie-goers who shared their findings online, but here are those I could spot and screenshot! (if you found more, Pleaaaaaase!!! Let me know!)

First, the ghost lady in the opening scene.

Mizuki casting two shadows in the blood bank office.

The tengu-like face appearing on a tree trunk as Mizuki enters Nagura village.

Kashabo, sitting on a tile as Mizuki enters Ryuga mansion grounds.

Probably Ikkenya no Yoju's paw, whom will appear again later in the movie, when Nezumi comes to give the diary to Mizuki in the storehouse.

The night after Tokimaro was appointed new family patriarch, Yuurei akago appear on the shelf in the back. (and these are actually pretty easy to spot, if you aren't so focused on Mizuki's cleavage. Yes. I know. Don't hide it.)

A soldier's helmet appearing next to Mizuki and disappearing a few frames after.

I read about more findings on social media, but it's all I collected myself for now!

Showa 31, Tokyo.

Or 1956.

Trash in the water, a cramped, shabby strict in the foreground, the blood bank, and in the background, factories releasing smoke. Far from the Tokyo that Tokiya and Sayo imagined, right?

As I mentioned in another post, the people waiting in the stairs came to sell their blood, and most of them probably do this for a living.

The celestial eye goldfish, or Choutengan, heavily bred in Japan and popular in art, are only found in captivity. They lack a dorsal fin, have limited vision, and can only be kept in aquarium on their own.

Train to Nagura Village

"...Tokisada is the man behind that success story." A script note I should have included in the previous post but I forgot, oops. Mizuki calls Tokisada "立志伝中", risshidenchu, conveying the idea that he is someone who worked harder than everyone in order to achieve great success.

Mizuki smokes "Peace" brand cigarettes. Its name was chosen with hope for the future after the war.

It seems Mizuki brought only one pack of cigarettes with him, as a pack of "Peace" contains 10 cigarettes, and he is seen smoking 10 times throughout the movie. The first time is in this scene, inside the train.

Tobacco's price in Japan has historically been exceptionally low, and at the time period Genazo takes place in a consequent percentage of people smoked - with a lack of awareness for safety, especially in closed spaces and around children, which was sadly not exclusive to Japan. Notice the girl holding the Ichimatsu doll and coughing : one of Osada's henchmen is sitting across from her, looking in her direction. Later in the movie, inside the underground factory, a smaller patient is on one of the hospital beds coughing, as a concerned patient turns to look at them. The doll is seen thrown in the trash, and of course, found again by Yamada in present time.

"Many people are following behind you." The silhouettes behind Mizuki are similar to the Japanese military uniform seen in his war flashbacks. So it's his war companions following him, and not the ghosts of enemies.

(a lot of points from the taxi drive to Mizuki's arrival in Naguramura I feel I already covered in other posts, so let's jump ahead a little bit.)

Reading Tokisada's will

Staff has cited The Inugami Family, movie adaptation of the novel The Inugami Curse as an inspiration for Gegege no Nazo. It's at the most explicit in this scene.

Tokimaro wears a sokutai outfit associated with noblemen of the Heian period. He also has teeth painted black, a practice called ohaguro, popular again between the Heian and Edo periods, mostly for cosmetic purpose ; and white makeup. Mizuki mentions how Tokimaro hasn't made public appearances in a long time due to poor health. Is the makeup for concealing his health...? In a previous post I mentioned how Toshiko, Hinoe and Otome share a motif reminiscent of the "inoshikachou" (boar, deer, butterfly) card combo in Hanafuda. Tokimaro's design is reminiscent of the Ono-no-Michikaze Hanafuda card.

Tokimaro mentions not being allowed to take a wife, surely not to dilute Tokisada's blood.

A maid places a zabuton cushion for Mizuki to sit on, just like everyone else in the room. However, during the entire scene, Mizuki keeps kneeling with his head low : Otome is already not pleased by his presence, but on top of that the maid placed the zabuton between two tatami. Tatami's edges are covered with cloth, and the fancier ones are embroidered with the family's emblem ; it would be considered rude to step and sit on it. He was also never invited to sit by any of the Ryuga, so he remains kneeling next to the zabuton.

Tokimaro's death, Gegero's arrival

"I really hate conflict, you know. How about it? Why don't we all take a bath together and relax ?" Kitaro's father's love for baths is well known as Medama Oyaji. In the Birth of Kitaro manga, he also mentions how the Ghost Tribe are peaceful people.

It's a rainy morning, and when Osada's men attempt to behead Gegero, Mizuki rushes outside shouting to stop them. He's only wearing socks in that scene, which is why he goes barefoot in the next scene when he's in the room where Gegero is locked in.

"This person has brought calamity upon the village..." In the shot where Osada says this line, he's drawn wearing a ring. I'm not sure if it's intentional or an animation mistake, but I think it's the only scene he's seen wearing it.

Night after the murder

Otome feels weak, and Osada doesn't just catch her as she falls, he tightens the embrace as if comforting her in a hug. In the following scene, it seems Hinoe got money from Otome, who is drinking red wine.

In the jail cell room, Mizuki is eating a classic meal of white rice, grilled fish, miso soup, and takuan (yellow pickled daikon radish). Gegero is eating a much lighter meal of brown rice and takuan sliced so thin it's see-through... In the previous scene where Osada, Otome and Hinoe are talking, Osada mentions that the room with the jail cell is in his quarters, which is why Tokiya was able to come in. Mizuki was also given a different yukata than when he was sleeping in the annex room of the Ryuga.

Gegero tells Mizuki that "Some people are not worth engaging in conversation." Indeed, he tried to warn Mizuki in the train that hell was awaiting him, but he didn't listen and came to Nagura Village anyways...

Asking Katsunori to let Gegero out

On the way, Mizuki passes by an old lady wearing a headdress and rubber gloves.

She's probably coming from or going to the underground factory where M is produced, and is also likely the ghost Yamada caught in his flashlight at the very beginning of the movie.

Hinoe is seen drinking alcohol as she peeks at Sayo and Mizuki from the window. In the room is a man in a futon, and a suitcase full of jewellery. The day before, in the scene where Otome, Osada and Hinoe were together, Hinoe was counting money she probably got from Otome, promising she wouldn't waste any of it. It seems she spent it in jewellery from the man in the futon, who is probably an outsider.

Hinoe is watching the scene from this balcony, and you can see two sets of tire tracks : the ones going straight is from Katsunori's car who just passed by. So the ones turning are probably from Hinoe's visitor, the jewellery seller, coming from outside the village. Had Mizuki paid a little bit more attention, he would have realized that Otome lied about the landslide at this point...!

In a previous post I talked about Tokimaro and Katsunori's placement in the succession scene, Katsunori sitting in front of a dragon, placed inside its maw.

This time, behind him are displays of his vanity : a replica of the "King" (osho) shogi piece, and peacock feathers matching the color of his cravat. He's drinking Grand Old Parr Scotch whiskey, contrasting with Otome drinking red wine a few scenes earlier.

First time on the forbidden island

In front of the well, "呪" (kashiri) "Curse" is written on the torii gate.

(lots of important things happening that I already covered in older posts, so let's flash forward again)

Back at Osada's house jail cell

Gegero is eating zaru soba. They are cold buckwheat noodles that you dip in tsuyu sauce before slurping. It's a great dish to have during the hot Japanese summer! There are two ozen (low dining table/trays) in front of him, one with the soba, and the other with an empty spoon and bowl. It seems that this time, Mizuki shared his dinner with Gegero.

Discussing next plans

"And as long as [the Kyokotsu] doesn't have a vessel in the village." Here, Gegero specifically uses the word yorishiro which I chose to replace with "vessel", but yorishiro is a word specific to shintoism. It refers to an item or body that can attract and host a kami (deity). You may have seen before shimenawa ropes tied around rocks or trees - they signify that a kami resides inside, making those yorishiro. It's possible that at this point in the story, Gegero might have already figured out Sayo.

After finishing his popsicle, Mizuki flips the stick and looks at it, then seems a little bit disappointed. Some popsicles have written on their stick either hazure (lose) or atari (win), on the end which is visible only after finishing the popsicle - had Mizuki gotten a win, he could have had another popsicle for free! Aww...

Sayo and Mizuki on the balcony

Sayo wears a fashionable, western dress. She may have gotten it from outside the village, possibly from Katsunori. From this point, she starts calling Mizuki "Mizuki-san" instead of "Mizuki-sama", closing the gap between them.

Moonlit talk in the graveyard

Throughout the movie, you can see many electric poles, but in this night scene, no lights are on at night except from Tsurubebi :

It's possible that most of the electricity is used in the underground factory.

"I saw it in the south..." When Mizuki mentions the south, he means Rabaul, New Guinea.

After lighting his cigarette with Tsurubebi, Mizuki notices he took his last one (the tenth) and crumple the empty cigarette pack in his pocket. It's why he shares it with Gegero instead of giving him a new one ; an interesting twist of fate right when Mizuki asks himself if he will have his own fateful encounter one day.

Gegero and his wife enjoyed "cream soda", which I left as is in the subs, but I realize that these are actually called soda floats in English, oops. Melon soda floats are heavily associated with the Showa era ; go to any vintage store, museum gift shop, etc and you'll find amongst retro goods something melon cream soda themed. (Pancakes and "pudding a la mode" are desserts with a similar iconic retro vibe) Cherries are also a known favourite of Medama Oyaji!

Their date spot is in Asakusa, Tokyo. You can see Sumida river in the background, with what I wrongly assumed to be Ryogoku bridge at first, but is actually Kototoi bridge. Starting from there you can find the exact spot : The rooftop amusement park "Sportsland", opened in 1931 in the Matsuya mall building. The mall remains nowadays, but not the park, sadly.

Picture source

flash forward to...

After Gegero's capture

In front of the shrine, when Otome reveals the role of women within the Ryuga family, Osada's shoulders slump, pained by the thought.

Inside the underground factory, you can see the same headdress and rubber gloves wearing old lady, grinning while at work.

As I stated earlier, we meet the coughing little girl from the train again here.

Sayo asks Mizuki, "Are you going to help that person from the Ghost tribe?" even though she has never met Gegero on screen - Either she was spying on Mizuki and Gegero, or she figured it out after reading Tokimaro's diary. "If I run away now, this guy will laugh at me." Mizuki says. Indeed, Gegero accepted to work with Mizuki on one condition : "Whatever you see, do not run away."

Bloodbath

Sayo's Kyokotsu releases more smaller Kyokotsu from its rounded stomach, as if giving birth.

During the bloodbath, one of the Urakido is not killed by Kyokotsu, but by one of his fellow man who accidentally slashed his throat while swinging his sword.

When Otome calls Osada for help, he shouts the usual okusan, "Madam!", followed by her name, "Otome!" in despair.

The anger Sayo feels for Mizuki is different than the grudge she bears towards the Ryuga and the villagers ; she chooses to strangle him with her own hands rather than through Kyokotsu. When Gegero said that he felt pity for Mizuki, Mizuki similarly went for Gegero's throat.

The bottom of the well

"By now, [Tokiya] must be bullied in hell in my place." "今頃余に代わって地獄で獄卒どもにいじめられとるだろう" ima goro yo ni kawatte, jigoku de gokusotsudomo ni ijimeraretoru daro Literally, "by now, he must be bullied by the Gokusotsu in hell in my place." Gokusotsu are the guardians of Hell - they are seen in Gegege no Kitaro anime, working for Enma Daio. It's wrong of me to have omitted them in the subs, but I didn't know how to phrase it with proper length and timing. I'm sorry.

Mizuki climbing the stairs dragging the axe behind him mirrors Gegero's arrival in Nagura Village - the sound of the axe hitting the ground replacing the karan koron of Gegero's geta sandals.

Gegero places the chanchanko for protection on Mizuki's shoulders, but later Mizuki put it on Gegero's wife instead - Mizuki didn't hear Gegero says his "my friend, the future in which you live is something I wanted to see with my own eyes" line after all. At this point, Mizuki has nothing left to lose or look for himself, as highlighted in the shot where Gegero and his wife reunite, and Mizuki is lying as if dead on the foreground while Tokisada speaks of the bright future of Japan. He is ready to pay the price for his actions, even if it costs him his life.

When Gegero removes the seal on the pile of skulls, it's lodged in a skull's left eye socket.

Present time

Yamada promises that whatever happened in this village, he will "definitely write it down and pass it on." His article was printed in the pamphlet sold at the time of the movie's theatrical run.

Ok... phew! I think that's enough for now. If you've read this far...congratulations!! Unfortunately I may still have things to say in the future, but that post is way too long already. Thank you for reading! I hope this helped you notice a few things. Enjoy the movie!

#gegege no nazo #meta #genazo spoilers

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jeding-png · 10 months ago

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Enjoy chapter 153 cuz next week there is a break—

Bon appetit, dear readers~

Today's chapter is just as delicious as the previous two, but this time, SUOL-nim has blessed us with a break from crying.

Let's start with Derrick and Ivonne's conversation!

In the novel, this conversation should have happened earlier, that is, we observe a similar situation as in chapters 86 and 87 (if I'm not mistaken, the conversation between Penelope and Reynold was also shown there at a different time).

Little Eckhart siblings and Ivonne holding Derrick's hand... it's so cute, especially in such colors—

In the preview for the chapter, it was written that each brother spends time with his sister. That is, Derrick spends time with Ivonne, who has finally returned, and Reynold spends time with Penelope (in the chapter, there are quite funny frames with them).

I'm actually a bit moved by the Derrick and Ivonne moment, but especially the frame with the three Eckhart siblings. Because you can see how Derrick blames himself for everything that happened. It can be seen that he has not accepted the loss of his younger sister for years, unlike the Duke and Reynold.

Yes, Derrick even has tea with her on the day of Penelope's coming-of-age ceremony—

But what is interesting is that the entire chapter did not show us Ivonne's emotions and gaze. Seriously. Therefore, it seems as if the stories where the girl from the stories about the disappearance of the real daughter are different from the one who actually returned.

Congratulations to Ivonne for finally being able to wash her hair outside of the sea and change her clothes!

But back to the coming of age ceremony!!

Did you want to see Penelope in a tiara? It's time! Look how beautiful she is!!

I like the fact that Winter's necklace was indeed, as written in the novel, slightly superfluous for Penelope's image. Mostly, it seems so because of its gray color, in contrast to the pastel blue colors of other decorations.

Magic works in this world, so the petals that resemble the same Elenvik flowers don't just fall out of nowhere, lol.

In the novel, it was said that Reynold even raised their hands even higher so that all the guests could see and have no doubt that the brother and sister had a good relationship, which also prompted an increase in Penelope's reputation.

I can't put into words how impressed I am with the costumes of the characters. Indeed. They look just fantastic. I especially liked Reynold's costume. The peculiarity is that SUOL-nim always draws outfits that have exactly the same style. That is, a certain element of clothing that we can see and immediately recognize for which character it is.

Also, I'm glad to see the same Reynold's ring that was in the first chapters of the manhwa again, haha. No wonder it is on the middle finger—

But nevertheless, in my opinion, this is an important moment of the chapter!

A conversation between Reynold and Penelope mentions the moment they last met, when Reynold was brainwashed.

Somehow you see what a mouth is for and that it can be used for talking and not just for kissing. Isn't that right, dear Callisto and Penelope?

You see images that were real and from the point of view of a brainwashed Reynold. He didn't act as if he deliberately wanted to reprimand Penelope, but on the contrary, to stop her.

Penelope sees Reynold and realizes that he is at least now brainwashed.

And now the moment I've been waiting for for a very long time!..

YES, THESE ARE THE SAME RABBITS THAT REYNOLD GAVE PENELOPE!

In the next chapter, there will be a rather interesting conversation about how Reynold tried to make a rabbit the color of Penelope's eyes. It's really cute moments between them.

But look at the similarities and differences between Derrick's and Reynold's gifts.

they both presented living beings;

both have similarities with Penelope's appearance colors: Derrick gave a bird the color of her hair, and Reynold tried to create a rabbit with the color of his sister's eyes;

different subtext and symbolism of gifts;

the bird has no one to communicate with, it is alone in the cage, and there are many rabbits, and they are quite fragile, but when they hatch, they are unlikely to live in a cage.

In this chapter, I smiled, while Penelope hardly did, if not at all. The chapter is over on the rabbits... so anyone who wanted to see Callisto, he will be in two weeks :'D

#villains are destined to die #death is the only ending for a villainess #death is the only ending for the villainess #death is the only ending for the villain #manhwa #vadd #vadd new chapter #vadd spoilers #vadtd #ditoeftv #derrick eckhart #ivonne eckhart #emily #penelope eckhart #callisto regulus #reynold eckhart #winter verdandi #duke eckhart #reynold's rabbits

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ellievickstar · 2 years ago

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Final Choice

A/N: So, I saw your guys making up ideas for this part…I must say. Some were happy, some just wanted Azriel to suffer…which one did I go with? Well…read to find out :) Also the beginning of this fic is in Rhys’s POV since Azzy and our dearest Y/N are kind unconscious

Summary: When then mating bond finally snaps into place, what are you meant to do when you realise your mate has another in his heart, will you break it off to save yourself, or will your mate be able to save this heartbreak?

Request: N/A

Pairing: Azriel x Witch!Reader

Warnings: Self-hate. Mostly written in Rhys's POV I thought it would be funny to see his monologue of things. confessions. Heartache.

~*~*~*~*~

Rhys’s POV

This was…unexpected. Not that it wasn’t out of character for Azriel or Y/N to end up sabotaging themselves instead of talking through their issues like normal adult faeries or witches. I shook my head as Nesta helped to break the shield around Y/N. Thankfully, for that spell to work, the witch casting it had to be able to stay awake the whole time, if not, the safety measure — that had been weaved into the ritual by Y/N’s mother — would kick in and stop all magic completely.

Both were alive and I breathed out a sigh of exasperation. Couldn’t they have waited until the morning to do something so extreme? I was pretty sure I was still hungover from drinking with Cassian and Azriel to distract one from worrying over the fact his mate hadn’t come home. He could feel her alive and well across the bond, but I suspected she needed space, so we made sure we drank him into literal oblivion.

If only I had known this was what she was doing….

I shook my head. No, this wasn’t my fault. Feyre had already been telling me to stop blaming myself for everything that happened to our friends, but hell, if I had let Azriel go after her then maybe they’d work through their feelings, if I had ordered him away from Elain when I first suspected that he was starting to hurt Y/N, maybe things would be different.

I heard my mate come up behind me, she glanced at the pair, shaking her head disappointed. it reminded me of my mother when she caught me trying to sneak out for a flight around Moonstone palace. Wrapping a wing around Feyre, I pulled her closer to me, making sure to drape an arm around her waist.

“Nyx is asleep again, he had quite a fright from all the screaming, but he’s alright now,” She murmured. I hummed as I watched Madja — her eyes looked as if she was going to kill both witch and Illyrian once they awoke — with the help of Nesta and Cassian, drag both unconscious bodies to separate rooms.

“Azriel is…a dumbass,” Amren said from beside us, Varian nodding from beside her. I had no clue where the latter had come from, but it was anyone’s guess what the two had been up to when the events earlier transpired. Feyre agreed with Amren, but I had a small inkling that she was being biased towards the witch she considered a sister. Smiling to myself, I let go of Feyre if only to pick up the worn out leather book that had been beside the symbol-spell-ritual, whatever the witches called it.

Flipping through the pages, I noted that there was no name on the book, but I was sure that this was a diary. There were personal accounts of someone’s life, while a few pages here and there were sketches of spells or instructions on witch magic. That’s when I came across a familiar name. This entry said:

‘Y/N is only five now. But, I can sense the war is coming…soon. I don’t know if I will survive. My Magic is growing weaker, Y/N is feeding off of it, but who could blame her? Especially…when she’s more powerful then any other witch in history. I don’t quite remember what her father was…but his name. I will never forget his name. My love. I miss my lover.

So this was her mother’s diary. Interesting indeed. I hummed carefully as I closed the book, all the information I needed was inside. All I needed to do now was get a hold of that sand that was used in Y/N’s rituals. “Feyre darling, how would you like to speak to the dead?”

~*~*~*~*~

Y/N’s POV

“Why do you love him, Y/N?” You closed your eyes as the question rang through you. “In all of my lonely nights, when I was a ghost inside, he was there for me. Whenever I drank too much, whenever my eyes cried floods, he would be there for me, he’d listen. He made my demons go away, he would clear the darkness, he was there for me. He was there when I lost faith, he was there through every heartbreak. And I’d do the same for him,” You admitted.

Your ancestor smiled at you. “My dearest child, you can’t see it can you?” “See what? I love him. I love him I love him I love him. But I don’t understand if he loves me? When I look at him and her I can’t help but wonder ‘what about us’? what about all the times we spent together? What about all the times he said he would have the answer for me? What about all the moments we shared, what about all the disastrous pranks, plating footsie under the table, laughing together under the night sky during Starfall? What about love? What about trust, what about us?” Tears began to fill your eyes. You didn’t understand anymore. You were so sure that breaking the mating bond was the answer, but when you did you felt it, that love for you, but you also felt that love he had for her. Her.

You couldn’t put it into words. How you felt that roar of love for you, but there was that spark, there was something that kept him from loving your completely. And you didn’t understand. What happened to promises of forever, what happened to ‘whatever end’? What happened to the both of you. You wanted to cry, you wanted to scream at him, wanted to let this pain, this confusion out. You couldn’t help but feel so alone. What happened to the times you stuck around with him even when everyone blamed him for something went wrong. What happened to the times you would listen to him for hours as he croie down because of nightmares? What happened to the times you’d soothe him, even if it was the latest hours?

Your heart was breaking and there was nothing you could do about it. You had no way of knowing whether he truly loved you. How could you believe anything he said? After all the times you had to watch as he fell over himself because of Morrigan. After all the times he practically ogled at the youngest Archeron. Would there ever be a day you would find piece within your relationship? Your heart was bleeding and no amount of stitches or bandaids could stop it. You bit the back of you closed fist as you sobbed. “I can’t do this anymore…please,”

“I will always be here for you, you may summon me whenever you wish, not just in your dreams, child. But even if there are times you can’t bring yourself to call me, just look to the moon. It will shine the same wherever you are, and I’ll be here as you search for the light,” She bent to your height as she gently took your hands. Her fingers lightly brushed against your cheeks. “It doesn’t matter what he decides, in the end, you are still the most powerful queen of witches there has ever been,” You nodded, but something in you wanted to know more. But before you could ask anything, she had already disappeared, leaving you alone in the endless darkness of your own mind.

~*~*~*~*~

Rhys’s POV

Getting ahold of the sand as a fae, was hard. We visited six different merchants all selling witch’s tools before finally we met a merchant that could sell us the sand. Feyre had gasped when she hear the price, but to me it felt like I had barely scratched the surface of my account, Feyre called me entitled when I said that to her. (A/N: we love rich Rhys)

Okay…so the book says to pour the sand on the ground in this shape. Feyre held out a hand and I was confused at first before she rolled her eyes and said, “You’ll get it wrong, plus, I paint, so I have steadier hands then you,” I wanted to scoff but she was right. She was better suited doing this. Especially with those hands that were basically built for painting and good artwork.

After the...spell? Ritual? Magic Shape? - I'll have to ask Y/N - was complete, I opened the diary and chanted the words that was written. Light magic seemed to burst from the sand was it began to glow. Feyre squinted her eyes against te bright light while poor me had to keep on reading the book.

And as the light finally began to dull down I looked up, and smiled.

"Your majesty," I purred as I bowed to the hooded figure before me. Feyre looked confused at first, but as the woman lifted her head and smiled down at us, she froze and curtsied.

"No need for that High Lord and Lady of the Night Court, though, I did wonder when you would finally call. It seems my daughter has gotten into a bit of trouble, hasn't she?" I nodded, rising to face her. She was as elegant as I remember, clad in white as flowers were weaved through her thick curls. Unlike Y/N's near-straight brown hair, hers was dark and black as a crow's feathers. She held her head high with an air of grace as her crown signalled to all who she truly was, the hood she had previously cloaked herself with melting away.

The late Queen of Witches. Y/N's mother.

"Well to be quite clear, your daughter is an absolute joy and she will make a wonderful king. But unfortunately, we do have a few questions, concerning the spell that breaks the mating bond," She nodded, wanting me to continue. "I can sense it...I can still smell the connection between them and even as they shut me out of their minds their souls still seemed to be intertwined. So if that spell didn't break the bond, what exactly did it do?"

She hummed, considering my question carefully, thinking silently to herself before nodding as if agreeing to something. "I cannot tell you much, High Lord, but what I can tell you, is that what is that both of them are the key to what holds them back. Not one, but both," I wanted to ask her more. Beg her for answers if it meant saving my two friends, but without a word she had vanished, the spell had given out. I had no skill of my own to be able to maintain the line of communication between us and the afterlife, I couldn't redo the spell. I didn't know how to save my friends from themselves.

~*~*~*~*~

Y/N POV

Blinking away the darkness you were greeted to a warm sight, with shadows creeping across the ceiling, and a shadow singer sitting close to your bed, his arms crossed, fury was clear as day, stricken across his face.

"Why would you do that?" you sat up, trying to understand his question. All you remembered was the pain...the ritual...the mating bond! You reached out to that tether you used to feel and as I realised it was still there my heart sank. "I- I didn't think you truly wanted me as a mate," You blurted out as you silently arose from your bed.

"What must I do to make you understand? I want to be with you!" He tried to approach you, but you raised a hand and he stopped. "Why? Because of this- this cauldron forsaken mating bond? Because you feel some nobility some honour saying that you chose to be with your mate!? You didn't even want to be with me. Even before, you were going to leave me, now the only difference is that your soul is bound to me and even then everything you do is just-" He let go of an exasperated breath as he listened to you rattle on.

"What can I do? I told you I love you but it seems everything I do is some scheme or because I feel pity for you. Have I hurt you so much that you cannot bring yourself to believe that every single thing I do is insincere," He paused, breathing heavily as he stepped towards you. "I don't know what else to say, what to do. I'm sorry. I love you. I wish I could take everything back. But don't walk away from me. Hit me, tear me apart, give me new scares to carry the shame for the rest of my life. Break my heart, break it a thousand times over, it was only yours to break anyways. But stay with me. Please," You didn't know what to do, and as his hands finally reached you, red hot magic seemed to burn between you as you gasped and he hissed, pulling away.

What in the name of the mother? You blinked as the red print of magic from his had seemed to fade away slowly from my skin. That was...how. Looking back at Azriel you tried to recall what you had read about the ritual. When it failed it would create a shield between both mates so that the ritual would not be tried again. The only way to break this spell was...you shook your head and sobbed into the back of your fist as you made a terrible realisation.

"The book- 'This wall shall only be destroyed if both souls accept their own and each others truest emotions for each other. Only then will they come together.'" Tears streamed down your face, you had been so stupid. So, so stupid. And now it was hurting Azriel. You felt so stupid, and angry.

You tried to sit back down, but you completely missed the bed and tumbled to the floor, Azriel unable to do anything as he stared at his own hands, shock still written in his features.

This was bad.

"I see you both have finally awoken. And now we know what the little spell did," Rhysand spoke up. You whipped your head to the door and there he stood. Feyre smiling as she waved to you, happy that you hadn't killed yourself on accident yet. "The spell shouldn't exist. I have accepted that Azriel will never love me, and he has accepted that I will always love him, even if it tears me apart inside, even if it has nearly killed me...several times," You said. Azriel shook his head as he buried his face in his hands, and Rhys seemed to frown.

The High Lord and High Lady said nothing in response, only opting to pat Azriel on the back as they left. You didn't understand. You had to be right. There was no way that Azriel loved you, right?

No. These hopeful thoughts would only harm you. You mustn't think too much of what ifs. That's when Azriel finally spoke. "I swear to you, I will spend the rest of my time here making up for everything I did. I can't excuse how I've hurt you, but I will try to fix this. I will court you how I should have, love you until you can see, and I will wait for you, everyday," Gazing up into his brown eyes, ones that were usually piercing and intimidating now soft and sincere. You smiled as a small piece of you heart began to believe that maybe, this could be real, allowing you to make, this final choice.

"Okay."

~*~*~*~*~

A/N: I decided to stop torturing you guys. I love all of you <3333 my bestest babes. I will be doing bonuses if anyone has any requests, but this marks the end of the choice series. I know this is abit rushed but it's been dragged on for so long and I didn't want the series to be long either. Also because I think you guys kinda deserve a happy ending. I love you <33

taglist: @azriels-mate123 @penguinsworldsblog @hannahx1111 @jacksonpleasestopkillingme @positivewitch @happyseadreams @fuckthatfeeling @meritxellao @xiangping-28 @clarkie-carmody-blog @aroseinvelaris @azrielhours @shadowsinger-654 @azzydaddy @nisa-wisa @cosmic-whispers @cat-or-kitten @thecraziestcrayon @thegirlintheshadows101 @marina468 @act1839 @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @holywolfsstuff @gengen64 @goldenmagnolias @tobifeemo @readerworld22 @cyrygher @shisingh @txzii @antisentimentalus @t0uch-starved-h0e

(If your user is in bold I could not tag you, sorry T^T if you want to be tagged please specify in the replies <3)

#Azriel shadowsinger #acotar #acotar fandom #acosf #a court of silver flames #azriel shadowsinger #a court of mist and fury #azriel #azriel angst #azriel x reader #rhysand #azriel fluff #azriel x you #azriel imagine #azriel acotar #acotar fanfiction #feyre acotar

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spaceorphan18 · 8 months ago

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The Lady Whistledown Papers: 1x06 Swish (Part 3)

Welcome back, Gentle Readers, to The Lady Whistledown Papers, where I’m taking an in-depth look at Penelope Featherington and Colin Bridgerton’s character arcs and romance within the show Bridgerton!

For previous issues, follow tag : The Lady Whistledown Papers

Moving right along in this densely packed episode...

Featherington House

This is an interesting little scene. The Featherington Sisters seem to think Marina is so much cooler now that she's engaged to a Bridgerton (which is an interesting contrast at how apathetic they are about Penelope's engagement to the same Bridgerton - but they also have husbands at that point, so...). Mostly, she's probably now convenient now that she as better access to Colin's 'friends'.

Which leads me to an interesting thought of -- who exactly are these friends? Look, I have no doubt that Colin would be a well liked guy. I'm just more amused that in this world, there really aren't male/male friendships -- outside of spouse of significant others and Will Mondrich and the men of the ton who are asshats with both Anthony and Colin.

Anyway... Penelope's listening at the door, and she hates it. She hates that her sisters, who weren't all that fond of Marina before, have taken a liking to her. Hates that Marina is in a happy place about what she's up to. And, the feeling of distaste over Marina manipulating Colin is hand in hand with her jealousy. Which brings about sassy Penelope.

Marina claims all of their fortunes are about to change -- because Marina will help them out for them keeping her secret. She might even be happy about doing so, if it means a safe and secure life for herself. But Penelope snaps back a reminder that it'll be Colin's fortune that really changes.

Marina then tells Penelope that she looks lovely, and I don't think she's being entirely insincere. I do think Marina has valued Penelope's friendship up until then, and I do think she thinks Penelope is a lovely person. And the compliment is a way to reinforce her feelings. And Marina's in a good mood, too, and when you're happy, you can radiate the happiness around you.

Penelope asks her not to mock her, though. Which... isn't entirely unfounded either. Marina is a smart woman, and knows that she needs to have Penelope on her side in order for the rouse to work. But I also think she's smart enough to know that simple flattery won't get her very far with Penelope.

Penelope does not want to get into it -- as she takes a book, and tries to ignore Marina the best she can. Marina comes at Penelope with the comment that it's sad that Pen takes compliments as false. There is a little bit of trauma there, as she is often made fun of -- for her looks and her dresses and just being a little odd and awkward. But I do think Marina does see the outsider aspect of Penelope. It was something they originally bonded over, but Penelope is clearly shutting her out now.

Pen asks her not to pity her, and Marina doubles down that she does indeed respect Penelope and that she wishes they could be friends.

Penelope calls her out on any ulterior motives she may have, though, for wanting her friendship. I don't think Pen necessarily believes Marina is being completely untrue in her kindness towards her. But she is aware of the power she has, and that Marina's already shown that she'll do anything to make sure her situation has been take care of. She doesn't trust Marina.

And, there's the added bit of frustration from Penelope -- she has begged Marina to choose another man, and yet, Marina has not listened to her advice. So Penelope is a bit petty back, shutting Marina out, and letting her be the variable that Marina cannot control.

While I do find Marina mostly sincere in this scene - she is still a master manipulator as well. But so is Penelope. And thus a stand off between them.

Marina tries to appeal to Penelope's greater sense of empathy, and reminds Penelope that she has helped Marina so much. And then subtly puts out there that she hopes Penelope won't do anything to upset the status quo.

Penelope is almost insulted that she'd suggest such a thing -- she wouldn't bring scandal to her family (or the Bridgertons). And, I mean, it is slightly hypocritical -- considering that Pen is Lady Whistledown, and at the end of the day, Pen holds the ultimate power. But really doesn't want to bring scandal to her family or herself.

But Penelope is honest, stating that she does like that Marina's actions. But here's the thing -- would Penelope be this upset if Colin knew the truth and decided to marry Marina anyway? If he had all the facts, and Marina didn't manipulate him? It's hard to say. I think she'd be devastated and withdrawn, for sure. But I wonder if she'd still use Whistledown to undo it. And I don't know that she would? Pen has some darkness to her, for sure, but I don't know that she'd go that far unless she felt like she absolutely had to...

Marina insists that she wants Penelope as a friend, but before Penelope can respond to that, Portia pops to pull her away.

After they're gone, Phillipa and Prudence express their jealousy over Marina getting a husband and a new wardrobe and we're reminded of Phillipa's stupidity when she says she thinks Marina and Colin will have a beautiful baby, only to be reminded by Prudence that Colin isn't the father, a fact that Phillipa has forgotten. (And, ngl, I do think this scene is funny. The Featherington sisters are a pain, but they are hilarious -- and I'm glad they get their own redemption arcs.)

Penelope, however, does not think it's funny. Because she does truly care for Colin, and the two of them giggling about Marina's manipulation of him really hurts her. Because it's going to hurt him when he finds out he's been betrayed.

The sisters only roll there eyes at her, claiming that she's no fun raining on their parade, and Penelope reminds them that she's never been on their level. It's another reminder that she feels like an outcast in her own family.

Dinner

Earlier, when Portia and Marina were in the Modiste, they bumped into Violet, and they came up with the idea to have a family dinner. So here we are -- first meeting of the Bridgertons and the Feathertons. And it really goes to show how far apart these story lines have been, because it's episode 6, and most of these characters have never interacted with any of the other characters.

Anyway, Portia is prepping all of them, especially Marina, on how to make sure they don't give away the plot.

Penelope, however, gives a (forced) little giggle. She totally is (intentionally) undermining Portia here -- when she says (under the pretense that she's a totally innocent bystander in all of this) that while Colin is easily fooled, Violet -- who has had a ton of kids, and is more shrewd and experienced -- will probably figure out something is up if they push too hard on rushed wedding.

I love Penelope's little 'good luck with that' grin at the end. She's actually (probably) wanting them to get caught, but it does bring her some delight to bring up wrinkles in their plan. She also is sticking it to her mother, which is a nice added bonus.

Pen and Colin are seated (somewhat) across from each other. It's done this way for the blocking of the scene, but I kind of wonder if they were following all the proper rules of the time if that's where her seat would have been. Or if she just decided, fuck this, I'm going to be as silently intrusive as I can be. Idk. This is the stuff I think about sometimes...

And yeah, Pen is not here for any of this dinner. She is upset and it's all in little nonverbal cues -- like how she stiffly holds her glass up for the servant to take. No one is going to notice her (amazingly) -- but maybe Marina takes note. It'll all add up a few scenes from now. Colin is clearly too in his own headspace to know (or, unfortunately, care).

They get into dinner, and Violet starts asking questions -- what did Marina do back in the country? A lot of riding. (Huh - too bad Kate isn't around yet.) And Portia is there to commend Marina on how properly she conducts herself. It's kind of funny to watch Portia try to do the society thing with the Bridgertons -- who just run on a different energy.

The braids of this scene are fascinating -- because both the previous Colin scenes -- with Anthony and Violet -- come into pay.

Violet asks if Marina has been out of the country, to which Marina replies no. And Violet, who is protective of her son and his ambitions, and probably who still feels like she just doesn't know this young woman, wants to make sure it's known that traveling is important to Colin. I'm sure Colin talked a lot about his opportunities to see the world, and cutting it short to get married raises a red flag with Violet. But Marina assures her it has become her ambition, too. Whether it's true or not matter for Marina -- she's going to say and do anything to keep the engagement on.

Meanwhile, this allows Portia to turn the conversation she wants it to go in... mentioning that a foreign wedding (where in France? Scotland? I'm curious about this now) would be great -- and with all the nice weather the sooner the better. She throws the suggestion to Anthony, who promptly shuts it down, because he is still not for this pairing -- and reminds everyone that Colin is still too young.

(Funny, that even though it's for their own reasons, Penelope has the other Bridgertons on her side -- wanting what's best for Colin's interest.)

And what does Colin think about this? Well, he's not going to get to have a say. He barely gets a reaction shot. That's the thing -- this whole conversation may be about him (and Marina) but he doesn't have a lot of control over it. And it's one reason that's going to lead him to his decision a few scenes from now...

What he can do is try to support Marina, and show her off as worthy to his family. Because he does sense (and knows from the previous conversations) that both his mother and Anthony are not thrilled with this whole thing. So he compliments Marina's needlework. He's also able to bring a little levity to the conversation (it's his natural empathetic nature to do so) by comparing her to Daphne and Daphne's terrible needlework when Marina tries to downplay the comment. The little moment not only brings Marina into better light, but softens the mood -- especially after Anthony's cold, distant, and clearly opposed to the union remarks.

But oh. Oh Penelope. The look she gives during all of this is pure jealousy. She can claim to have Colin's interests at heart all she wants (and she does). But when Colin is propping Marina up, some of the facade starts to slip. She's mad at the lies. Yes. But she's also jealous that Colin's attention, that his kindness, that his noticing someone is all turned on Marina. In a very human way -- because she relies on Colin's special brand of kindness and awareness for herself -- she hates what she's seeing.

Ah man, the passive-aggressive way she cuts that meat is hilarious. That girl is enraged. But also tragically sad, too, as Pen is trying her best to keep it together. Solid acting choices, Nicola. And having to witness all of this is probably what pushes Penelope to do what she does next... confront Colin himself...

Which I'll get to next time... ;)

#bridgerton #polin #colin bridgerton #penelope featherington #penelope bridgerton #colin x penelope #polination #the lady whistledown papers

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crazyringo · 10 months ago

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Okay. Since I've started playing HSR, I hardly surfed Tumblr for any theories. Mostly started doing so 2.0 onwards, and most of them are pretty interesting reads. However, one theory for 2.3 has me lukewarm since it first started... And that's Sunday potentially becoming a Stellaron Hunter.

While interesting in theory, I honestly don't really see it happening. Yes, Elio is indeed striving towards the Script that displays a better future for everyone. And yeah, okay, Sunday wanted to ensure everyone's happiness within the dreamscape and with this line of thinking we can assume he'd want to ensure the best possible future for everyone being a Stellaron Hunter. And while we can all agree that he's a misguided good boy with good intentions, I still don't see him joining the group.

Here's why (my opinion): He'd be leaving Robin behind.

His beloved sister who, despite his betrayal (and by that I mean being the cause for Robin's singing voice), still hugged and forgive him for his mistakes. Despite the fact that he had failed to achieve his goal, he was still loved by the one person he cared for most. I honestly don't see him leaving her behind...

And if he did join the Stellaron Hunters, who by the way are considered to be dangerous criminals/terrorists among other things by the IPC and the rest of the cosmos, it'd be damning for Robin's career as a renowned songstress since she's related to Sunday, who's a family head and most likely a well-known authoritative figure outside of Penacony. I wouldn't be surprised if Robin had mentioned his name every so often whenever she did her thank you speeches in interviews on radio and/or TV

Moreover, before his boss fight, he did say that he wanted a fair fight with the Trailblazer. He wanted to see whose ideal was stronger. Clearly, it was the Trailblazer's. Personally, I see Sunday being a man of his word. He's confident, righteous, and very clever for his age. I don't see him being a sore loser. And since Robin forgave him, I'd like to think that he would no longer push himself as hard as he did before. For me, Robin's hug tells Sunday he's no longer alone. That no matter what happens next with the Family they will still have each other to rely on. I really adore/admire their bond as siblings and the theory of Sunday potentially becoming a Stellaron Hunter kind of saddens me if they're going to be apart

Now, if Hoyoverse DOES go through with this theory... Fine. I will accept it for what it is, but they better do a damn good job of it narrative wise. And if he doesn't, that will be great for me because the Halovian siblings will be together.

Not to mention, story wise, Firefly has mentioned more than once that the reason why she's in Penacony is to guide the Astral Express to the truth of what's going on. There was no mention of potential recruitment concerning her Script. Who knows? That might possibly change in 2.3, but with everything else going on story wise with Sparkle, the IPC, and the Family I highly doubt it's going to happen.

Don't get me wrong. I love Sunday's character, and I'm sure that he'd be a great asset to the Stellaron Hunters if he becomes one. I just don't see it. If anything, I'd rather have him be a new member in the Astral Express. Robin could be calm and pretty much be free of worries if her brother is surrounded by people she can trust. And they could communicate on the phone and write letters to each other when they have the time/arrive at a new planet. She'd be worried sick if Sunday was with the Stellaron Hunters, and of course if that were to happen there's hardly going to be any communication between them. I'd like our chicken wing siblings to be in a safe environment, thank you! 😤

Overall, the Penacony storyline has been awesome. Though, admittedly, I was kind of disappointed on the lack of Silver Wolf. Was hoping to see more screen time with her since she's paired up with Firefly for this assignment but~ nope! Our Wolfie, yet again, works from the sidelines. Other than that minor complaint, it's definitely been an emotional rollercoaster for me as I played through the story. And while I am excited for 2.3, I am also apprehensive about it...

Something deep down in my gut tells me that we're going to lose someone in the finale. And if not our precious Firefly, then it's going to be our good boy Sunday.

I really don't have much thoughts for Firefly aside from I obviously don't want her to die, so I can't speak much there. For Sunday, on the other hand, I can. I am scared for this boy. Fear has gripped my heart the moment I heard his voice line on that clue we find on the Grand Theater.

Sunday. Is. Scared.

Since the moment he's been introduced, he's been nothing but cool, calm, and collected. Now, this poor boy is scared. Considering he had failed miserably on what the Family had been planning for years, I would not be surprised if they throw the poor boy to the wolves. The wolves being the IPC. Since Jade is now in Penacony... I predict that this will not end well.

Aside from attempting to reclaim Penacony for the IPC, I wouldn't be surprised if Jade mentions about Aventurine's mistreatment during his stay with one of the Family heads to get a word in edge wise. To which, they would simply say, "We know. He's no longer one of us. Do as you see fit." Giving Sunday over to the IPC in exchange for Penacony's independence in the name of "Harmony" so that said "Harmony" would be restored on both sides. If that line of thought more or less happens on 2.3, I sincerely hope that the Astral Express will be able to save him before it's too late. That, or maybe the Family will use Sunday as collateral and force Robin to cooperate with their plan B to ensure Sunday's safety (I really hope not)

Something also tells me that we as the Trailblazer are going to be forced to make a very, very difficult choice for 2.3... As in, one or the other kind of scenario. And, of course, there's only ONE right answer in said choice and I really hate those...! *Glares at Black Swan, who forces you to hear out Aventurine's truth, despite me not trusting him (still don't tbh. I'd rather trust Sampo, and that's also bad lol)*

But yeah, those are my current thoughts as of now. Might be wrong on some things, but I at the very least wanted to put my thoughts out there before 2.3 arrives. I'm looking forward to the next update, and I definitely can't wait to bring my darling Firefly home! I'll finally have a full Stellaron Hunter team~! Jade, too. Me love evil gorgeous lady! 💕

Good luck on your pulls everyone~!

#honkai star rail #hsr #Ringo Rambles #hsr sunday #hsr robin #penacony #stellaron hunters #astral express #just wanted to put my thoughts in writing #this is literally how I feel right now with the Penacony story line #chicken wing siblings deserve a happy ending #firefly too #she definitely needs a hug #we also need more Silver Wolf screen time. seriously.

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suffarustuffaru · 11 months ago

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Scrolling through your blog is such a fun experience, you bring an absolutely great vibe to this fandom and I love it SO MUCH. Could even say you restored my hope in it, since there has been some aspects that made me force myself to leave it, and I hope me bringing one of them up here won't upset anyone.

Now I completely understand if you wish to not answer my ask, but I figured it's worth a shot. So, one of said aspects was a controversy regarding one of the rezero characters that made me feel like you can't mention them without being called names (mostly on tiktok, but other social media also, tho not as much).

Yeah I'm talking about Felix. I'm not transphobic by any means, and I'm fine with people headcannoning whatever they want, but seeing thousands of people calling others transphobic for calling Felix a 'he' made me so unsafe I forced myself to look for other interest. Which is funny since most of the people saying this weren't even part of the fandom. I was wondering if anyone else here had similar situations and just.. how do you deal with it? It seems silly, I know, but feeling like I can't speak about a rather important character from a media I love made me so upset.

No matter how much I tried explaining it, they either dismiss it or say Tappei made him a trans girl without knowing.

Now, if you do decide to answer this and say that Felix indeed may have been 'trans coded' a little bit (Did I used that term correcly? Idk) I'll understand (hell, I would probably agree, you character analysis are great), I'm just upset at the absolute lack of respect for any other way of referring to Felix other then she/her.

(Also in case people don't know, their proof of Felix being a trans girl is the scene from EX1, with the whole calling himself a girl in front of a mirror thing)

Sorry for this is being long and probably messy I just had to get this off my chest.. also I hope I didn't came of as offensive in any way, if I did I'm really sorry.

hi there anon! first of all - aw thank you for your compliments about me and my blog. im super passionate about rezero (though thats probably super clear to anyone whos seen any content i make for a while aljsdlkf) and well. ive been lurking about in this fandom since summer 2020 so i definitely understand having to leave/distance yourself from this fandom because outside of tumblr, the rezero fandom is kind of . well. to put it simply, theres a lot of metaphorical landmines unfortunately!! T^T and admittedly i wouldve left this fandom a lot sooner if i didnt stick to my own corner and curate spaces with other people who were super chill (like lots of people lurking about here on tumblr + rz tumblr in general!!). so i totally understand how you feel anon (and youre not silly for being upset, i promise!), though admittedly im not super super familiar with some rezero spaces (such as rz twitter) bc i 1. dont speak japanese and 2. i try very hard to avoid the negativity whenever possible!! T^T

and also i apologize for taking a while to answer your ask!! you're one of my older asks that kinda got lost in my drafts hah but i also just wanted to like. take extra care with your ask bc its a super important topic. like not just to me (though its definitely important to me) but its important in general. and i really like felix so. <3

a quick disclaimer is that i myself am not transfem. i am however afab and most likely genderqueer!! (im winging it as i go hah.) felix is also not a character id say im as well-versed in yet, but i do like felix a lot and ex1 changed my entire brain chemistry. and ill also be defaulting to he/him pronouns in this post because thats what he uses in canon.

felix is - at the end of the day - a fictional character, and tappei is a cis man who doesnt Entirely write characters like felix through a queer lens. arguably tappei is Self-Aware when he writes characters who are into other characters of the same sex (though the Representation is arguably a little bit questionable at times depending on how you look at it), but when it comes to characters like felix or subaru who have some Gender Stuff going on, it's more nebulous there. i dont know if tappei 100% realizes he's made characters that could be read as Trans/Genderqueer (emphasis on "read as", because i support different interpretations of these characters), but tappei Definitely Is Very Aware that gender and gender presentation and gender roles are super important when it comes to characters like felix, subaru, and crusch.

i think tappeis own perceptions of gender and gender roles do bleed a bit into the text as much as tappei is pretty purposeful with themes surrounding gender in rezero, but rezero itself still has all sorts of identity issues to explore with a lot of its characters and gender is a big part of that!!

so first and foremost im gonna be examining felix the best i can Purely Off Of The Canon Text, though i do like viewing rezero from a queer lens myself (and it is arguably very queer). im gonna talk first about felix and then ill move onto talking about my personal feelings on rezero fandom stuff :o !!

so felix's relationship with his gender is complicated and he Absolutely does not fit into traditional gender roles or gender presentation right now. these are undeniable. and if people headcanon felix as transfem thats totally understandable and valid!! but to say a headcanon is 100% canon and that other interpretations of a character as complex as felix are invalid isnt exactly it. for sure. i mean i myself interpret him as nonbinary haah. but felix's relationship with gender is so so so So complicated that i dont think you could just say hes transfem and then Not Elaborate More.

but regardless of how Exactly you label felix, i think you could possibly say that hes trans coded. tappei, even if he probably doesnt entirely know hes made pretty genderqueer characters, is Aware and Purposeful of how gender affects felix and his perception of himself and his identity and other peoples perception of him and this is brought up Over and Over Again in canon—felix’s gender identity, at the moment, aligns more with femininity in his presentation in every way, though he still perceives himself as masculine. felix’s case is complicated, and while im not entirely sure on this i think you could argue that hes trans coded—“coding” suggests a level of intent when making these characters, and i think that intent is present in some way with tappei. because tappei Knows just how important gender is with felix’s character and you can tell with how often and how Integral it is to felix’s entire character.

(more under the cut) (i do have a habit of being rambley/wordy sometimes if. if you couldnt tell already. but i hope this response is up to your standards!!)

these three analysis posts on felix's relationship with gender have all discussed this topic in-depth before i have, and i 1. really like the rezero content i see from all three of these people and 2. they All have slightly different takes based on the canon we have but also some similar points. because felix is complicated!! of course our takes are probably gonna be a bit different - he's a multifaceted character with such a complex relationship with his gender that it's hard to tell what every single one of his personal feelings on it is (especially when at the moment he hasnt appeared in the main story since arc 5 and he still has a Lot of character development to do). and of course fiction is fiction, we can all take away any sort of meaning from a story like this.

but you know. this is my post so im gonna try to analyze felix right now and say my two cents on what i think of his relationship with gender.

so im gonna try not to retread too much on what liquidstar, sufferu, and gourmet of gluttony have already said about felix (and i think theyre all very smart people with interesting analysis posts and theyve all explained their thoughts pretty well) and instead add on with my own thoughts - theres this felix excerpt from arc 4 wn that i think about sometimes. im gonna put it down here!!

and also important to note—like other people have mentioned, crusch and felix made a “deal” of sorts in the past where crusch takes on felix’s masculinity and felix takes on crusch’s femininity. and also like other people have said—and i myself have said in the past—i do have some mixed feelings on this wkdndn and as i said before also i do wish tappeis feelings on gender bled a little less when theyre Not Integral To The Story. bc i dont think tappei 100% knows hes made trans coded characters, but. anyway yeah so thats the whole deal with crusch felix. and in its own right i think it has So Many Interesting Implications!!

i think when it comes down to it, gender presentation IS a bit of a performance, isn't it? like i love to wear dressses and skirts and i love to keep my hair short and wear suits, but you know - these sorts of things tend to be gendered. our gender is often perceived through how we present ourselves, but in recent years gender roles being attached to clothing has gotten a bit less Rigid. but these rigid roles associated with presentation are even more dialed up to Eleven in a medieval world like the rezero fantasy world. and i dont use the word "performance" in a negative way -

what i mean is that when it comes to felix's character, does felix think he's a boy because that's what he's been told? does he think he's a boy because he TRULY sees himself that way, or does he THINK he has to see himself as one? does felix try to present and perform femininity, ie as or like a traditionally feminine girl, purely ONLY for crusch's sake, or is it because felix ALSO WANTS to? what does felix think of gender outside of crusch? who is felix outside of crusch? who is felix outside of tying his entire personality to other people? does felix’s femininity show the “radiance of ferris’ soul” bc of the deal he made with crusch or bc this truly is felix’s soul? these are like the big questions behind his entire character and character arc that would determine in the end how felix identifies in both his gender and In General.

so what is felix's identity at the moment? bc right now, felix is stuck between his feminine self, tied to crusch, a symbol of crusch, tied to his own reliance on crusch and worship of her—and his masculine self, someone broken off from crusch. felix is tied to crusch right now to worrying extents with his obsessive devotion to the point of changing himself to mold into her image, and beyond that, hes still tied to guilt surrounding fourier’s death. gourmet of gluttony puts all of this way way more intelligently than i ever could, but at the end of the day, i think the best narrative decision here would be for felix to accept himself in ALL of his entirety.

healing in rezero is noted to be a kind power, specifically by fourier and fourier saying this right to felix when hes the most talented healer in lugunica, and healing itself is often stereotypically feminine activity. knighthood is stereotypically masculine, and on top of all this, we see in ex1 that biehn argyle twists the power of healing into something grotesque—trying to bring back the dead and revive what cant be revived, which is once again another reoccurring theme in rezero.

how far can “from zero” go? what HAS to stay dead and what can be revived? who is allowed to live? HOW do you live freely? felix is someone born from a horribly abusive and neglectful family who twisted healing magic’s kindness into cruelty, felix is someone who was taken into a family that showed him kindness and now hes desperate to pay them back with everything he has and everything he is, felix is a healer who lashes out when hes cornered and a healer who treasures life and a knight who cant physically fight like the others, felix is someone stuck with the horrible knowledge that he cant save everyone—that some things just Couldnt end better no matter how much he wished for it to.

felix is stuck between all kinds of worlds, and in terms of gender, hes quite literally still stuck between boyhood and manhood in the biological sense—hes purposefully made it so that he hasnt hit puberty yet so he can better pass as feminine. he hasnt Physically Grown past puberty—which is the mark of becoming an adult. and he hates himself in a number of ways, but he also hates himself for failing to be traditionally masculine. his abusive family stole ten years of his life and the torture left him physically weaker, so he cant be strong physically, which is something associated with traditional masculinity. felix is the best healer, a traditionally feminine job and skill, but he cant save everyone. felix becomes more feminine as part of his deal with crusch, but while crusch accepts her femininity and masculinity readily, and while crusch’s memory is erased by gluttony—felix is left behind, alone, still holding onto femininity while not entirely being able to hold onto it while he also cant entirely hold onto the traditional masculinity he expects out of himself. and with arc 3 on, felix feels hes failed both fourier and crusch. the two most important male and female figures in his life.

felix is basically stuck in this liminal space where hes not Enough for himself in literally every direction, and the only way out is to accept every part of himself and move forward by trying to define who he is without other people—his birth family and his found family dont define him. they can shape him, sure, but he has to stop shaping himself to meet them and figure out how to let himself just. Be. and take up a space thats firmly his. from a queer lens, this kind of thing is pretty queer—because to stop being in between worlds, you have to accept everything instead of splitting yourself into halves over and over again. killing or maiming yourself or parts of yourself is no way to live, and felix is Life itself.

and i think regardless of the Exact Labels you could give felix, i think his arc—which is perfectly in line with all of rezeros themes—is inherently about self acceptance and the bridging of the gap and combination of femininity and masculinity. felix is both and identifies, in one way or another, with both, similar to how he loves someone who identifies with both (crusch) and just as hes loved her and fourier. imo it wouldnt be right for felix to choose one or the other in terms of feminine vs masculine—he needs to be the one learning and navigating his honest feelings on both sides bc i think he Yearns to be both. hes a boy who dresses like a girl and its up to him to know if he wants to be a man and/or a woman due to his own internal desire or if parts of that is Only due to external pressures.

and alright now that ive said all my thoughts on felix atm im gonna address the other questions you had in your ask!! note that this is just my opinions and thoughts regarding my own experience in the english fandom, you dont have to agree or anything 👍

but i AM very sorry about your negative experiences in this fandom. T^T people calling other transphobic for using he/him for felix (and also people being transphobic about characters like felix or subaru/natsumi in general) is something ive seen as well. the rezero fandom is sadly very often toxic and Bigoted in a lot of ways (with the exception of rezero tumblr and certain segments of rezero ao3, from what ive seen), which is Ironic for a story thats so clearly about love and self-acceptance, which is also ironic because arguably tappei and otsuka and the rezero marketing team (i Love the female characters in rezero but theres just so much sexualized or vaguely sexist merch/moments that dont add to the story, you know? kind of just. misses the point of their characters sometimes.) sort of contribute to it a little bit as much as tappei does do some really great things with his writing.

rezero is the first fandom ive been active in but its definitely not the first ive ever been in, and ive been in some insane fandoms before. like i said earlier though, i think i just cope by curating my experience to what i like, yknow? liking posts i enjoy, looking at stuff i enjoy, etc :O !! fandom is a hobby so i try not to look at negative stuff when i can help it wkdnd. which im sure youre aware about already but i always have to keep reminding myself of this bc places like rezero reddit or twitter get pretty rough!! but its really helped me just following artists and creators i like, enjoying their content, chatting with cool people i vibe with, rezero tumblr being the chillest rezero space in the whole fandom, and its also helped me a lot making rezero content of my own—like this whole blog!! its really shocked me how much people seem to value my thoughts enough to ask me things frequently but i appreciate it pfft. and i hope you guys like reading my posts!!

but yeah like. curate, curate, curate. it helps a LOT and it gets me excited to experience rezero not only by myself you know? not that i didnt have fun by myself but its its own level of fun finally finding spaces to have fun with others!! and i LOVE finding beautiful fanart!! chef’s kiss. and trying to be the change i want to see is satisfying on its own :,) i want to post random shit about rezero, so i post it. i want to make fanart for fun and share it. i want to brute force people into loving otto more so i ottopost (dont worry, i still hate him bc true otto fans also hate him at the same time <3 /lh). i want more queer rezero content so i try to make some more!! brings more personal power i think and its very fun!! and it helps with lessening the quiet despair of fandom toxicity ;-;; (which is something ive done many times and will continue to do sometimes so i feel your pain 🫂) and i promise theres cool people in the fandom 👍 i may reply late to asks or dms but im ALWAYS down to talk about rezero things its so fun 👍👍

and its really really hard sometimes to deal with fandom toxicity especially if its forcefully knocking at your door—definitely dont force yourself to stay or look at things if you cant, bc thats totally understandable!! and i myself have been harassed a little in the past. but definitely having some sort of coping—the block button, backing out of things you dont agree with or like, lots and lots of curating, etc—helps me a lot. and i think mental health wise i feel much better trying to look on the bright side of things!! its MY hobby goddammit!! ill fight people subaru-style if they try to poison it!! and however long anyone reading this decides to spend with rezero and rezero tumblr—you are welcome here 👍

but yes my very Long rambling aside - i hope this post somewhat helped you!! felix is a very important character that i like very much and need to learn more about and i have Many Feelings on the english side of this fandom, but im very grateful to all the cool people ive met over the years here for sure!! :o

also ill probably post the finished version soon but if youve read this far here is a sneak peak of felix art i did recently (just as a reward for once again reading all of my Endless Yapping)👍👍

#rezero #re:zero #felix argyle #ferris argyle #ask #once again gonna say that im not transfem so im not exactly 100% leading authority on this probably but these were just my two cents yeah!!#hope you have a good day/evening/night anon :3 ty for the ask! sorry i took a while to answer but i hope this made sense :D #felix <3 the character of all time fr i love him #my art

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