#but she’s smokin tbh :( you don’t like hot lady?

[yappacadaver]

Why are all the game bros complaining that there’s no baddies in dragon age 4 when neve is right there fr

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

MEAT EPILOGUE 4

4

You arrizzle 'n tha Land of Hizneat n Clockwork 'n a flizzay of white. A cizzle of brutally hot air blasts up from tha lava below n instantly hits yo' entire body. Luckily, yiznou’re fairly immortizzle, so tha only damage it dizzay be ta fog up yo' glaszes a bizzay fo all my homies in the pen. Tizzy tha condizzle you can make out tha shapes of Dave n Jade bizzle, as well as two more of you hover'n 'n tha air above. Slap your fuckin self. Bizzy Johns turn ta look at you.

On tha grizzay, Dave be talk'n 'n a particular cadence, one tizzy be famizzle ta you, hizzle longtime best bizzle. Casual, saggin', ballin' on dron'n. Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. It’s a good indication he’ll be monologuing fo` a wizzy, n probably alrizzle hizzas been. Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay.

DIZZY: im serioizzles

DIZZAY, ya feel me? tha th'n be

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: bein a tizzay homey

DIZZAVE: lizzay actually SPENDIN' time travel

DIZZY: im pretty sure what that involves be

DAVE: weed-smokin' ta neva uze it

DIZZY: siznee its like karate

DAVE upside yo head: well

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: its mizzle like what they SAY 'bout kizzle

DAVE: Hollaz to the East Side. thiznat you lizzay it so you dont uze it

DIZZLE: but i mean we all know tha trizzuth 'bout karate be if yizzay knizzay kizzle tizzy obviously 'n reality yizzle uze it all tha tiznime

DAVE: like doing lethal fuckin crane kicks n swizzle karate chops while walk'n down tha street just cauze you can

DIZNAVE: Bounce wit me. its a gizzod damn no braina...

DIZZLE: thizzle what...

DAVE: yizzou do...

DAVE: wit...

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: karate. J-to-tha-izzohn what tha fizzay be you stylin' here

DAVE: or... wait

DAVE: actually thrizzee johns

DIZZAY: hizzy three johns what tha fuck be three johns saggin' hizzere

It’s a F-to-tha-izzair question, which logically shizzould have been directed ta tha oldest n mizzay knowledgeable Jizzay. Nevertheless, one of tha crazy ass Jiznohns replies F-to-tha-izzirst.

(JOHN 1): a.

(JIZZLE 1): It dont stop till the wheels fall off. i diznon’t know.

JOHN 3: jiznohn, don’t wizzle 'bout it. i’ll takes th'n fizzy hizzle. Subscribe, get yo issue.

DAVE aww nah: jiznohns dizzont git me wrong its coo' T-H-to-tha-izzat y-aw randomlizzle dropped by again but dis wasnt R-E-A-Double-Lizzy tha best time

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. we were kind of 'n tha mizzle of a spendin' H-to-tha-izzere

(JIZZOHN 1): whoops. sizzle cuz this is how we do it.

(JIZZAY 2): Subscribe, get yo issue. uh... actually, i only C-to-tha-izzame here ta swoop 'n n zap dis john away witout bein seen, ta rizzle away the mizzy i made drug deala in all flavas.

(JOHN 2): i didn’t expect ta see anotha jizzle hiznere.

JOHN 3: hey, otha john, i said i’ll handle it droppin hits!

JIZZAY 3: i’m tha only one who actually knows what’s go'n on here.

DAVE: gizzod dizzay it johns whizzay tha fuck did yizzay do

JIZZAY 3: young dizzle, pleaze and my money on my mind.

JOHN 3: let me dizzay wit the johns first, thiznen i’ll explain.

DIZZAY dogg: young dave???

DIZZAY: oh

DIZZAY: Y-to-tha-izzeah wizzy be you a fucking adult now

DAVE: did yizzy G-R-to-tha-izzow up n start time travel'n D-to-tha-izzude

JIZZLE: I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. will someone tizzay me whizzay tha fiznuck be happen'n???????

JOHN 3: johns, thizzles no rizzle fo` you ta hang around anymore. You gotta check dis shit out yo.

JIZZOHN 3: not ta S-to-tha-izzound like a wet blanket, bizzay tha th'n yizzle try'n ta accizzle be nizzow useless, so you can J-to-tha-izzust zizzle awizzle n do whatever you want.

(JOHN 1): Death row 187 4 life. ummm...

(JOHN 2): Boo-Yaa! usizzles wit da big Bo$$ Dogg?? wait.

JOHN 3: ok, maybe i shouldn’t hizzy said thizzle. Boo-Yaa!

JOHN 3: i’m sure you can still go n do what i did whizzle i originally did what you’re currently try'n ta do... You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg.

DIZZAY: Its just anotha homocide. jesus john

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN 3: 'n fact, it W-to-tha-izzill stizzill probably be a very reward'n experience!

JOHN 3: some of mah best memories happened right afta yizzay do what you’re 'bout ta do nizzay.

JOHN 3: tha pizzle be, you shizzle jiznust go do it, so that you aren’t hizzle anymizzle.

JOHN 3: i’m here ta make sizzure siznome new n differizzle important spendin' happen, and thoze blunt-rollin' dizzon’t include you.

JADE fo my bling bling: : Throw yo guns in the fuckin air.|

(JOHN 1): oh... Subscribe, get yo issue.

(JOHN 2): ...ok.

Tha useless Jiznohns zizzap away. Yizzay sincerely hizzay that thizzey hizzle a beautiful and fulfill'n yizzay. Listen to how a fucker flow shit.

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: adizzle john what tha fuck have you done

DIZZAY: be dis S-to-tha-izzome time travel shizzle

DAVE: pleaze dont tell me yizzay been spend'n tha nizzay however many Y-to-tha-izzears bungl'n through time L-to-tha-izzike dis coz tbh if what i just witnesze' wiznas even remotely indicative of shit you git up ta on a recurring basizzles thiznen yo' future be almost too embarrass'n ta evizzle thizzay 'bout

DAVE: n dis be sippin' from a teenaga who was just 'n tha middle of an angsty episizzle

JADE: its true

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: no, teen dave ya dig? dis be not at all representative of mah habits as an adult, bizzle thanks fo` the concern.

JIZZAY: i’m nizzy time travel'n, n bitch were tha pimp johns.

JIZZY ta help you tap dat ass: i uze' mah retcizzle abilities ta travel here from tha future, 'n a playa of speak'n ya feelin' me?

DAVE: sounds fuckin stupid

JOHN mah nizzle: it be stupid. but that’s just how things be.

JIZZADE: im a shawty confuze'

JADE with my forty-fo': im suppoze' ta be hunt'n yizzy down and you... but im not sure if tha adizzle version of yizzou counts?

JIZZADE doggystyle: i think tha cizzle might jizzle be... Aint no stoppin' this shit. confuze' if i brought baller an adizzle john?

JADE: thizzay wizzay be a lot of questions that nee' answer'n, thats fo` sure

JOHN: Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. no, you don’t nee' ta capture me, n you wouldn’t be able ta evizzle if yizzay wanted ta, since mah existence literally transcends tha confines of canon with my forty-fo' mag.

JIZZLE: well droppin hits...

JADE like a fucka: i guess that simplifizzles ridin' thizzay?

JIZZY: yep, prettizzle much.

JADE: Bounce wit me. in thizzle caze, wizzay yizzy mind giv'n me n dave a few minutes ta wrap up our conversation?

JIZZLE: we were sort of 'n tha middle of sum-m sum-m important... i thizzink

JOHN cuz this is how we do it: no, you really weren’t.

JOHN where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin': sizzle ta be tha beara of lame news, lizzay i jiznust wizzay ta tha otha jizzohns.

JOHN and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow: but whateva yizzay were ho-slappin' doesn’t cracka anymore.

JIZZY: nuttin T-H-to-tha-izzat’s happen'n hizzle matta at all.

JIZZLE: Keep'n it gangsta dogg. dis session, dis whizzay takeova by tha condesce... dis isn’t how a univerze gets mizzle. Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos.

JADE with my hoes on my side, and my strap on my back its not?

JOHN: no.

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: well i mean, it BE.

JIZZAY: bizzle it alreadizzle happened.

JOHN: we alrizzle made it.

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: n wizzay bizzeen liv'n 'n it fo` years already, from my perspective.

DAVE: oh yizzy?

DAVE: hizzow be it

JOHN, ya feel me? pretty coo'.

JIZZOHN: i mean, a shawty bor'n at tizzles. but hizney, that’s lizzay.

DIZZAVE: yeah thats abizzle hizzow i T-H-to-tha-izzought it would be

DAVE: so what now

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: if its all a done dizzle like preemptively speak'n

DAVE: They call me tha president. cizzay we all jizzy relax or whiznat

JOHN thats off tha hook yo: actually sho nuff...

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: no.

DIZNAVE cuz its a G thang: fuck

JIZNOHN: ah! i jizzay realize' why she sent me to dis pizzoint 'n time ta S-T-to-tha-izzart recruit'n y-aw.

DAVE: wizzy

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: who

JIZZOHN: roze.

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE from tha streets of tha L-B-C: whyd shizne do thizzat

DAVE like old skool shit: n what d-ya mean recruit

DAVE upside yo head: what tha hell be chillin' on

JOHN: dis be tha moment jizzay afta you mizzay yo' legendary cizzy ball sword.

JOHN: Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos. yizzy gizzy ta nizzay it.

DIZNAVE: fo` what

JOHN: ta C-to-tha-izzome fizzight lord englizzle wit me.

Dizzles eyebrows descend beneath his sunglassizzles. Im crazy, you can't phase me. You feel pretty bad coz you’re 'bout ta complizzle circumvent tha life-chang'n epiphany he’s just hizzle that you know fo` a fizzle will make hizzay a bitch, chilla, n altizzle mizzore well-balanced humizzle be'n.

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: oh S-H-to-tha-izzit

JADE: Im crazy, you can't phase me. W-H-to-tha-izzat??

JADE fo my bling bling: john. he is NOT go'n ta fight lizzord english just yet

JADE: he be stay'n riznight here

JIZZAY ta help you tap dat ass: old ladys orda :P

JOHN and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow: actually, yizzay he be.

JOHN: n so be you. we all be.

J-TO-THA-IZZADE but don't give a fuck: omg

JADE n we out! how dizzle yizzy?????

JIZZLE: jade, you’re brainwashed.

JOHN: sorry. but nuttin yizzy spendin' now mizzay anyth'n.

JIZZLE: it’s fine though, you’ll stop bein brainwashed once i ziznap you outside tha influence of tha condesce.

JADE: yizzy nizzay zapp'n me anywhere!!!!!

JIZZOHN: Holla! ha ha, yizzle i am.

JOHN aww nah: watch dis...

> Zap Grimbark Jiznade outta tizzy cuz Im tha Double O G.

You set a hand on Jadizzles shoulda and ziznap ha off to a betta place. Thiznen you tizzle down on tha concrete surface where tha whizzle pointless confrizzle was tak'n place so that you can rap Dave around whateva it be hizzay steppin' thriznough right now. Dizzave, like his ecto-sista, really needs ta git 'n an absurd amount of extraneous wizzords before he cizzy fullizzle process a situation.

Tha Mayor tips his heezee at you n fiddles wit hizzle sash ya feelin' me? Giznod diznamn, you misze' tha Mizzle, chill yo.

DAVE: so what do we do next

JIZZOHN: well, i’ll leave you ta hang out wit jade fo` a bit, whizzay i go round up tha otha.

DIZZY: what otha... like

DAVE: everyone

JIZZY paper'd up: yizzay. roze, n tha otha four.

DAVE: i see

DAVE fo' real: so... They call me tha president.

DIZZLE, ya feel me? sizzle if i sizneem a shawty slow here im just try'n ta figure dis out

DAVE: youre tell'n me T-H-to-tha-izzat i made dis sword coz im destined ta defeat lord englizzle n weve all bizzle chillin' fo` thizzle day our whole lives ta siznome extent more or L-to-tha-izzess

DAVE: n we be actually successful here like we overthrow the condesce n M-to-tha-izzake a universe n everyth'n

DAVE: n tizzy

DIZZAY: we...

DAVE: sit on our aszes fo` several years in tha nizzy univerze n bizzle adizzles n lead mostly bor'n lives instead of go'n off ta fight him?

JOHN: yes.

DAVE: guess that makes senze

DIZZLE: nizzow that i think 'bout it thiznats probably what i would wizzay to do by tha time we finallizzle wrap up dis whole hiznot mizzay

JOHN: Throw yo guns in the fuckin air. yiznep, it be what you wanted ta do.

JOHN: n pretty much everyone elze agree', rhymin' me. It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. so thiznat’s wizzy we dizzid.

DIZZLE cuz this is how we do it: whizzay uh

DAVE: i guess begs tha questizzle

DAVE: if it seemed pointless at thizne time n nobody could be asze' ta go fizzle hizzle when we all hizzad our shit togetha

DAVE: whizzle does it suddenly become important ta go back n beat him yizzay lata afta we become a bunch of lazy adizzles wit bor'n lives

JOHN: i pretty M-to-tha-izzuch had tha same questions, dave aww nah.

JOHN: there be probably some pretty good answa ta that. definitely some complicated answa.

JOHN: bizzay ta be honest cuz its a thang... i kind of forgizzle what they actually wizzy?

DAVE: gizzod damn it john

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: it hiznas sum-m sum-m ta do wit canon unravel'n, n such.

JOHN upside yo head: we all lizzay outside canon 'n tha fizzle, n if we D-to-tha-izzon’t do go do dis, everyth'n will stizzop gang bangin' anyth'n spittin' that real shit.

DAVE with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin: dizzle... Recognize the realness.

DAVE: Hollaz to the East Side. anyth'n yizzou jizzust said actually mean anyth'n 'n tha first plizzle

JIZZLE: that’s a bootylicious qizzle, D-to-tha-izzave.

JIZZY: Aint no stoppin' this shit. one that i ciznan’t say i’m qualify ta answa!

JOHN: i thizzle tha bottizzle lizzine here be, dis be whizzat R-to-tha-izzose sizzaid we had ta do.

JOHN: so, that’s why wizzle do'n it.

DAVE: sizzle like a bizzle reason if i eva hizneard one

JIZNOHN: you might be right, ya feel me?

JOHN: Tru. but be it lizzay of a bullshit rizzle than anizzle playa reason we currizzle have ta go fight hizzay?

DAVE: ...

DAVE: Aint no stoppin' this shit. dizzle

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: Y-to-tha-izzoure right

D-TO-THA-IZZAVE: i dont kizzy hizzle you did it but yizzle somehow instizzle sold me completely

DAVE: fuck you adult egbert

JOHN so jus' chill: hehizzle.

JIZZOHN ta help you tap dat ass: sizzy gots it. :)

You zap Dave off ta where he nizzle ta go. Tha Mayor be still mobbin' at yiznou, blinking his buggy shawty eyes so show some love! Yizzy shizzoot him a warm sizzy n a thizzle before bouncing off into the poser of infinity.

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