#but she made her choice of keeping me alive and forcing me to even pay for the hospital bill

[skinnypaleangryperson]

Life would have been so beautiful if people in this generation had decided to actually care about each other instead of arguing on apps all day. For example, I would be alive by 40. Lol

[f1ghtsoftly]

my head is scrambled but in Kate Manne’s “The Logic Of Misogyny” she put to words something I always, always knew was true.

Most of the time Men don’t hurt women for no reason, they punish women who assert themselves/their personhood. Misogynistic violence is a punishment, it’s a form of conditioning to get women to behave submissively towards men. To punish women for existing in public without male protection. To punish women for daring to think her intellect, athletic or artistic achievement could come before her sex.

I don’t present super femme anymore or hang around men outside my family basically ever-but when I did I was frequently targeted for sexual assault, usually by men who were frustrated they were attracted to me but couldn’t have me. They felt like I was taunting them-but asserting my right to exist as someone they were attracted to/without any sort of male protection or a male protection that didn’t involve sexual favors/submission. That wasn’t an accident, I’m sure if I meekly cowered behind a big boyfriend, I’m sure if I stayed inside, I’m sure if I didn’t assert myself as extraverted, intelligent, funny or charismatic those men would have left me alone-but that would have meant hiding myself from the world, hiding myself from other women and to me that was a bigger loss than a ‘lil danger. I made choices as a young person that I knew with certainty would bring me in closer proximity to men who wanted to hurt me, I decided that living a freer life was better than living a safe one. I don’t necessarily regret my assessment of patriarchy, I am sad that the price you pay for being an independent woman (in a social sense) in public is assault. I don’t blame women who think their safety is more important than making a statement. I’m sad for us both. I’m grateful I was able to find feminist communities because victimization isn’t just something casual you can shake off, even if it feels like men constantly target you/women in general.

Assault doesn’t just roll of your back either. It hurts. In the moment and for years afterwards it hurts. It’s always senseless. Always dehumanizing to the extreme. Always enraging. Always profoundly violating. Always a shock. I struggle to reconcile what I know about rape with what I know about people. I know people can be cruel, unthinking, insecure. I don’t know how someone can plot the rape of a friend or a stranger who has done nothing to deserve it. I don’t know how men can secretly tape their lovers, manipulate a young woman into sex she doesn’t want or do any of the things men do consistently or routinely. I don’t know how a boy could look at the face of his too drunk friend and go “this is my opportunity to have my way with her” instead of putting her to bed. Carelessness, thoughtless is easy to imagine. Conscious cruelty is not. Men know what they do and they either don’t care or like it.

I’m crying in a park in my Dad’s pickup truck. “There are worse things than this, you didn’t die-you’re alive” He says “this wasn’t your fault, I just want to keep you safe and what happened to you isn’t something I can control even though I wish I could”. “I’d feel better if you lived in Austin, because their self defense laws are better, there are lots of gay people there too”

He makes me laugh. I won’t move to Texas. He’s right, it’s not my fault, and helping me get better at self defense helps him feel like he can do something and while self defense does help-it’s not a perfect strategy. The misogynist’s prerogative is to snuff out the life force of the woman he interacts with, the only way to stop him from trying to do that is to become apart of the living dead. Even then, he’ll get your corpse.

There are worse things than rape in this life. A woman alive is better than a woman dead. I guess, but what life is it when constantly forced to battle for your right to live? When at a moments notice you can be filled from the inside out with death. Rotted from your insides out. I wish New York would let me have a gun. I wish I could make men afraid and polite in my presence the way I feel afraid and polite in theirs. I’m so tired of this.

[anavatazes]

Decisions

Summary: Magneto is called away from Utopia to help care for an injured Rogue. Set just after the Schism, when Mags is still in Utopia, and Rogue is with Wolverine at the Jean Grey School for Gifted Youngsters back in Westchester County, NY. 

Pairing: Rogue/Magneto

Warnings: Trigger Warning: I am ruining the plot for my own story here by choice. There is a discussion of and partial scene of a character having a miscarriage. Because this can be a very sensitive topic and triggering for some, please proceed with caution. I did not go with anything graphic, but to each their own on what they can and cannot handle. You have been warned. 

Author’s Notes: I am working on a rather large Magneto/OC fic, and I am behind on the schedule I set up for myself for it. This is partly to blame. It wouldn’t leave me alone. Anywho, enjoy. There may or may not be a second part. 

********

Checking on the generators of Utopia, Magneto found himself listless. Since Rogue left to join Wolverine's team of X-Men, communication and visits have been brief to non-existent. He was not thrilled with this situation, but he could not abandon Scott, nor could he force Rogue to stay. He missed her. Her companionship. Everything. The generators were just an excuse to avoid the others right now. Erik did not want to intermingle with the others. If he could use the excuse of being busy, then all the better for him. And them, if he was being honest. In the last few training sessions with the younger members, he had been needlessly rougher than he probably should have. If Rogue had been present…

“Your helmet is useless right now, Erik. I don't need to use telepathy to know your thoughts. What you’re thinking about? Or should I say, who?” Emma Frost's voice broke through his introspection. It was softer and gentler than it normally is with him. 

“What may I assist you with, Emma?” Wanting to get this over, Erik turned his back to her, looking over the readout from the machines, again. 

Shaking her head,” Wolverine has been in contact.” He stopped ignoring her then. To have the full attention of Magneto on you when he was in any kind of mood other than neutral or happy, the entire area he was in felt static and alive with electromagnetic energy. It was his way of letting everyone know they had his full, undivided attention. And Emma reasoned, it made it difficult for others to concentrate on anything but paying attention to him. Even using mutant abilities under those conditions was difficult. “It's Rogue. She's been injured. He's asking for you to be at the mansion.”

“She's not?” He didn't want to think of why.

“He said get there as soon as you could.” Emma, taking a chance, reached a comforting hand out for this complicated man. She rarely had a soothing word for anyone, but seeing the slight change in him since Rogue's departure, she hoped this simple gesture would help him. Utopia sure needed it. 

He accepted the comforting hand on his shoulder, holding her hand with his. “I leave in thirty minutes. I assume Cyclops already knows?”

“He was there when I took the call. He knows what she means to you. Go, take what time you need. We'll keep you in the loop.”

He was gone in fifteen minutes. 

*****

Beast led Magneto to the medical labs beneath the Jean Grey School for Gifted Youngsters. The younger mutant caught him up to speed about the battle, protecting the school, again. Before he leaves, if he does, looking over and ensuring school security is more than sufficient was an item he placed on an ever-growing list. Dr. McCoy said that Rogue had attempted to absorb the renegade mutant's abilities, but Gambit hadn't seen her making her way, nor had he heard her saying what her intentions were. The blast threw the both of them back, the renegade using the force to incapacitate Rogue with a serious head wound. Beast backed out of the fight, getting her out of danger. 

Holding a clawed hand up, the blue-furred man stopped their progress outside the room that contained Rogue. “Now, she has been in and out of consciousness for the last hour, but not coherent. I normally hold to the strictest of practices when it comes to HIPAA and my patients and their privacy. But I felt this was something you deserved to know.”

Feeling his anxiety spiking, Erik had to force himself to calm down, lest he lose control and affect whatever machinery was assisting Rogue. Not speaking, he gave the doctor a decided and pointed look. 

Glancing around them, Hank assured himself that no one was nearby. Pushing his glasses up, he took a breath. “Were you aware that Rogue was pregnant?”

Erik felt the world shift as he grabbed the wall, using his powers to help keep his balance. They'd been so careful… except that last night together. Neither had said anything, knowing full well they hadn't been careful. They let their emotions get in the way. A baby? She was carrying… wait?

He swallowed hard, “Was?”

“I'm sorry, Erik. I truly am. Rachel was helping me with her exam when we noticed the blood.” Hank saw all the emotions on display on Magneto's face. A rare show for the older mutant. Anger was the emotion one would most associate with him. Pure, unadulterated, anger. Right now, it looked as though despair and heartbreak were fighting for ownership. 

Voice cracking, Erik barely got out, “I need to see her…”

“Of course,” Beast nodded, opening the door. Rachel Summers sat in a chair next to Rogue's bed, but Magneto barely registered her presence. Beast motioned her to leave, which she was doing anyway, wanting to give the distraught man time alone with Rogue. She sent a gentle telepathic message to him that she should be waking soon, and the last time she was more herself. He barely nodded in acknowledgment. 

As soon as the door closed behind them, the man known as Magneto climbed upon the bed, wrapping his body carefully around Rogue, allowing himself to cry.

*****

Warmth and safety. That is what she felt when Rogue began to awaken. The room was not hers, she knew that. The lights were dimmed really low and it smelled too sterile. She also smelled something familiar, someone she’d been missing. Attempting to move about, Rogue felt strong arms around her. She cuddled into them, having needed them for so long. “Are you awake, libechen?” 

That voice was music to her ears. “Gettin’ there. Am Ah dreamin’?”

“If this is a dream, then it's not a bad one. You are in my arms.” Erik kissed the side of her forehead ever so gently. 

He wasn't waxing his usual poetic, so she knew something was wrong. Her head hurt, and her lower body was cramping. “What happened?”

“You were downed in battle and now you are in the Infirmary. Do you need, Dr. McCoy?” He had already sent a few thoughts to Rachel, who had perched herself nearby, to alert the doctor that Rogue was awake, and likely experiencing pain from a headache and cramping from the miscarriage. Rogue nodded in ascent. 

“Rachel send for ya?” 

“Wolverine did.”

Rogue lay in silence, dumbfounded. 

“This surprises you?”

“How bad am Ah hurt?”

Erik didn't relish this next conversation. He didn't know if Rogue was even aware of the pregnancy. Rachel told him as much. She never acted like it. They both doubted that she would have risked a pregnancy like that if she had known. And he hoped that if she had known, that she would have shared the information with him. 

As it was, if she didn't know, that would mean four people who knew before her: Erik, Beast, Rachel, and Wolverine. The latter because he’d barged into the room to find out how she was when Beast and Rachel were discussing it. Erik reasoned with himself that was the reason why Logan called and sent for him. 

“You have a concussion, a large wound on your head, and…,” It killed him to say this next part. How did one say this? Was there ever a good way to do this? “You had a miscarriage.”

Rogue stiffened in Magneto's arms. The first two made sense. Those were a dime a dozen in this business. But… a miscarriage? That meant she had to have been… “Ah was pregnant?”

Magneto breathed an inward sigh of relief that he was correct that she didn't know. His Rogue was many things to many people, but like he was to her, she was always open and honest to him. “You were, my dear.”

Feeling her shake in his arms, he knew from experience with Magda, that words were no longer needed. What was needed was to be there. They’d never talked about children, and never about a future for them. But he decided that once the dust settled from this if Rogue desired a future with him, he was more than happy to stay at her side, wherever that is. 

He wanted and needed her in ways he hadn’t needed a woman since Magda. But even still, this was different. Rogue didn't depend on him for survival. Not like Magda had. She treated him like an equal, and someone she wanted around, desired to be with, and cared for a great amount. He felt all of that, and more. And now that he knew that a baby was in the realm of possibility with Rogue, he had to admit, it did increase his desire for her more. That, however, was something for later. The now concerned Rogue and her present condition. 

Rachel entered the room, with the medicine, fresh bandages, and clothing for Rogue. Together, in silence, Erik assisted Rachel in caring for Rogue. She refused to let him out of the room. She was showing him a vulnerability that was rarely let out. Even for the others to see. He welcomed it, as he needed her just as much. The child lost had been just as much his. He was gentle with her, surprising Rachel with the care and love he showed for her friend. 

Rogue was a robot on the outside. On the inside? On the inside, she was a complete mess at war with herself. Learning in one breath that not only were you pregnant, but that you also lost the baby?! That was devastating. The fact that Magnus was being so kind and understanding, and not yelling and screaming at her scared her. She went into how many battles and fights with his child, and then she ended up killing it? She killed the baby! Her baby! How could she be so stupid? The signs had been there? Hadn’t they? Did she miss her period? Did she even have her period? 

Could the ringing in her head stop? The room was closing in on her, and spinning, her breathing becoming erratic. Magnus kissed her forehead and put a hand by her uninjured side, speaking calmly to her. The room soon became dark.

“What did you do?” Rachel checked over Rogue's vitals as Beast came into the room. 

“I merely gave her the hypnotic suggestion to sleep,” Erik replied.

“And this won't cause an issue with her injuries?” Beast asked, concerned and slightly accusatory. 

“None. I have done it before. It is faster than medicine and won't cause any groggy after effects.” They settled Rogue back down onto the bed and Erik covered her up with a fresh blanket. 

The other two looked at him conspicuously. Glowering, Erik explains in a steady and angered voice, “In cases of medical emergencies, it has proven beneficial to give a hypnotic suggestion of sleep when the patient is suffering from severe anxiety, like Rogue. It helps to keep them calm, and to keep them from further injuring themselves and others.”

Beast nodded in acknowledgment, dropping the silent subject. 

****

“Are ya mad at me?” Rogue was frightened, that much was clear to him. And it did not sit well with him. Having the woman he cared for so deeply, to be frightened of him, in any way? No, this will not do.

“Rogue, how could I be mad at you? You did not know.” Clasping her hands into his, he kissed them. Seeing her relax some, gave him hope. “I cannot be angry with you over any of this. None of it is your fault. If anyone is at fault, I am. It was gross negligence on my part, my dear.” 

“But, Magnus, how, ya didn't know either…?”

“Shhhh,” he interrupted. “Had I possessed the balls to join you here, instead of being a stubborn fool, I could have prevented you from being injured in such a way. I also would have kept you from being in distress, you and I both would have noticed the changes in your body. And we would have made the appropriate decisions from there. So, if there is anyone here who is truly at fault, I am.”

Sitting there, for a moment, ruminating over his words, Rogue stroked his cheek, feeling Magnus lean into her touch. “So we're both damned fools. An’ you aren't to blame. Ah could have just as easily stayed behind with ya. But ah, didn't.”

“Then, do us both a favor,” his eyes pleaded with her.

“What?”

“Do not ever feel you need to be frightened of me or that I could ever be angry at you for something like this. Ever.” Looking deep into her eyes, he hoped his words rang true with her. Rogue's hormone levels would be all over the place for the near foreseeable future, making life topsy turvy for her and him if they didn't navigate it with love and care.

She nodded, waiting to see where he went with this. “I am here for you during this, Rogue. I love you. And you need not apologize for anything, either.”

It clicked then. He was being very attentive. It was like he knew what to do, what to say. What she was going through. He'd been here for almost a day now, much of that time spent with her asleep. He'd been through this before. “Magnus?”

“Yes?”

“Did Magda ever miscarry?” His crestfallen face told her that yes, she had. “Oh, Magnus.”

“Do not fret over my past, Rogue. If I can draw on those experiences to aid us both now, I do so willingly and without trepidation.” Reaching his arms around Rogue, Magneto pulls her into a loving embrace. 

“Ah love you.”

“And I you.”

“Ah am glad that you came,” nuzzling his neck, Rogue seeks and freely gives him comfort. 

Magneto smiles sadly at her words. Had they defined their relationship before she left, perhaps she wouldn't have the feelings attached to those words that he knew were present. 

“You are injured, my dear. You need me. And I must confess,” leaving a peck on her cheek Magneto continued, “I missed you.”

Rogue, his Rogue, began crying. While this made others uncomfortable, he refused to shy away. Magneto held her closer, cradling her head, leaving the occasional kiss and comforting word.

A few minutes pass, and Rogue breaks the contact. Wiping her tears away, sniffling and stuttering slightly, she says, “Look at me, Ah'm a frightful mess.”

Chuckling slightly, Magneto moves her hair from her face. “Liebchen, you are beautiful. Even after everything you have faced in these past twenty-four hours. You are my strong, beautiful, fully capable Rogue. And I am here to be at your side for as long as you want me there.”

This stunned Rogue. She was used to Magnus calling her his. Saying she was strong, capable, and more. But… for as long as she wanted? “Are you serious? Or is it because Ah was carryin’ your baby?”

“I would be amiss to say that the baby wasn't a small part of this decision. However, I have given this some thought since your departure.” Magnus stood up from the bed. He took her right hand, holding it above his heart. “A decision does not need to be made at present. You are dealing with a great deal. However, my impatience to share my feelings at an inopportune time may be my undoing…”

Rogue interrupts him by placing her index finger over his lips. “Look, we both heard Beast's speech about how it could take a while for muh body's hormones an whatnot, and Ah’m all sorts of confused, and Ah want to cry and break things. But,” dropping her hand from his lips to join his and her hand over his heart, “one thing Ah know for sure, was Ah had already made up muh mind before this happened. Rogue needs her Magnus with her. Here or in Utopia, it don't matter.”

Magnus lowered his lips to hers for a soft, yet powerful kiss. 

******

The next day, Wolverine was in his office when his door was slammed open by a magnetic force. Magneto stood in the doorway. “Took ya long enough.”

“I made sure Rogue was well and resting comfortably first. There were things we needed to discuss, though those full discussions will have to wait until she is fully recovered.” As he stepped into the room, the door shut behind Magneto. Standing before the desk, he narrows his eyes at the other mutant. 

“The only decision that has been made thus far is where Rogue goes, I go,” Erik smirked as Logan visibly bristled at this. “If she decides to stay here, I will sign on as your new physics instructor. And your poor treatment of her will cease.” 

“She tell ya ‘bout me not trustin’ her anymore?” Logan figured she went ballin’ to him.

“Mortimer did. And he will not face any repercussions for talking to me. Any issues you have with me, take them with me, Logan. Not Rogue or Toad.” The need to snarl and become primal against the man in front of him was great. But, he did not want to upset Rogue. 

“That a threat?”

“A promise.”

“She aware you’re up here?”

“Fully.” Magneto reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small thumb drive. “Here. I promised Miss Pryde I would hand you a copy. I upgraded the school's security systems. These are the schematics. You should experience fewer attacks and if you are attacked, have more assistance from the school itself. The probability of teammates becoming injured is decreased by half.” 

With that, the Master of Magnetism turns and leaves the room. Wolverine looks on in stunned silence. 

[hnbxear]

New person, same old mistakes III

Anya loves this. She loves the tension between the spy and the super super spy!

So exciting! she thought to herself, looking back and forth between the brothers as she pretended to play with Bond nearby.

Loid's mind is racing. He didn't know why this man was here. His mind is racing. His heart is racing. It's been a long time since he felt his heart drumming vigorously. He was glad that Yor was talking with whoever Mike companion is in the kitchen.

"I decided to pay a visit when I saw your name on the residents list, it's been so long, isn't it?"

"..."

Loid didn't know what to say. What do you say in this situation? Never in his training he had imagined this very scenario happening, and he cursed himself for it.

If anything, this is the scenario he should've prepared for. He should've seen it coming.

"Loid Forger, huh? Rolls familiar." Mike could feel the tension between them, or was it hostility from Loid? He couldn't tell. Maybe both.

"It's a fresh start. Can't go wrong with that." Loid started. He needs to keep his emotion intact. Can't let some personal matters affect him. Yet his hand is so awfully sweaty, his brain computing the choice of a fight or flight simulation.

"Interesting choice, brother. I trust you know what you're doing here, with all this effort." He spoke, taking a sip of the tea Yor had made earlier. "It's nice to see you are settled."

Mike Steiner. Deputy Minister of the National Defence. Served long enough in the East Germany armed forces, climbing up his ranks faster than anyone has ever achieved in the few years. That's all he remembered of him. At least what he wants to remember him by. A traitor.

"I'm really proud of you for making it," ██████ hasn't seen that face for how long, but he knew damn well he was sincere, and he hated that the past him lurched onto his present being, longed for such words from him, challenging his thick, years of trained self control.

"...thank you," He manages to say

"You know, sometimes, we have to make a name for ourselves, make sure people know who we are, most importantly, ourselves." He added, placing the cup on the saucer.

The rubbles made searching for bodies harder. Didn't stop Mike from digging through it in the middle of the night, hoping to not find familiar bodies.

The yellow sweater. He knows this sweater. He remembered that thing almost flying away when little █████ tried to do some chores.

"██████ ?" He calls out for her name. He didn't feel like he deserved to call her mom. Mike frantically lifted the rubble with his immense strength, and there she was, barely alive, and he immediately pulled her up safely, as safely as he could.

"██████? A-Are you okay? Where's ██████? You can't leave him—"

"Michael.." She croaked. He swear he could see the life starting to leave her eyes. He didn't even register the warmth on his cheeks coming from her hand, the blood on her face was something surreal for him to see.

"You need help, you're bleeding all over—" The blood is so distracting. He isn't used to seeing blood on her. It doesn't suit her at all—

"Tell me..who—which? Do you really mean it..?"

The pink haired toddler found the conversation exciting, despite not understanding any bits of it. She doesn't understand why they have to speak in puzzles. Why don't they hug each other if they truly missed each other? Adults are all liars.

Ivanka observed the exchange from afar while keeping a conversation with Yor from time to time.

"Loid never told me he has a brother, I did not expect the deputy minister to be his brother.." Yor claimed sheepishly, moving a strand of hair behind her ear (she only knows who the deputy minister of defence is because Shopkeeper told her to be careful of him). Ivanka reminds her of Loid's co-worker, Natalia, but Ivanka appears more friendly and approachable than the said co-worker.

"Ah, they're adopted brothers, you see? The war separates them, and only now they can find each other." She explained, partially telling the truth. "I'm pretty glad Michael found his brother,"

"Oh my..is that so?" Yor didn't expect for Loid to have such backstory, makes her feel grateful that she never got separated with Yuri. Maybe she should give him a call later.

"Eh..but you told me you've seen Anya's mother? Did you just meet each other now?" Ivanka wants to slap herself. Why is she so sloppy?! No wonder Mike was hiding a laugh earlier.

"Oh, you see, Loid is a very busy man, and Michael is also a very busy man. I was the one who meet Anya's mother when she was in the hospital, and they never actually met each other before this..only now he finally have the time," She laughed nervously, which Anya—who was about to sneak another piece of cake— and Bond looked at her with a dumbfounded expression. Adults are all liar, and Ivanka is a terrible one.

"Oh!!" came as Yor's reply.

She's a terrible liar...

Woof!

"What are you trying to tell me?" Loid asked.

"Depends on how you interpret it." He replied, rubbing his thighs in a manner where people usually used it as a gesture to leave the place. Don't need to know body language to understand.

"Well, I certainly don't want to overstay my welcome, it's really nice to meet you again," Loid stood up, following suit and examining him again.

Mike stood 5 cm taller than him, and he only realised now how much of an asset Mike is as a soldier. No wonder he could climb up the ranks fast.

The men waited for their respective partners to bid their goodbyes, and Mike reached out for a handshake.

"This is a visit for our national security program, and psychiatrist are one of the professions we checked. If you need any help you know where to find me."

Anya watched as Loid took the name card from Michael, eyes beaming at the simple scene. Bond had the impression that anything this man does is cool to Anya, and could only sigh in a manner appropriate for dogs.

"Ah, we should see each other again, it's so nice meeting you Forgers," Ivan exclaimed, clearly enjoying her meeting with Yor with the said woman mirroring the same expression.

"Goodbye, Forgers." And with that, the pair left. And Twilight realised he could finally breathe.

-

"...you suck at lying." Michael told Ivan on their way home, which caused her cheeks to glow red in embarrassment.

"Shut up,"

"Thanks for the help, though. Good job."

"But why don't you just tell him? I'm sure he'd understand."

"I can't do that, Iva. I don't want to compromise anything."

"You say that, but don't you think visiting him could compromise everything too?"

"Too much questions."

"Michael!"

"I'm always on our side, always."

-----

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I didn't expect the responses from you guys, really, thank you for reading this shi! Will be editing and fixing after I proofread it, for now I just want to post it. (Sorry for the inaccuracy, I tried my best to make it detailed but there's only so much my brain can take..) Thank you for reading :)!

[the-elder-polls]

Ok, so Esper Ironhand started out as the character I did actually get to play for a while in the same messy dnd campaign as the Healer who became Leitav. Esper was originally a Cisco woman, before sliding into gender ambiguity, and I gave that poor gal the saddest backstory like it was a competition (it kinda was, we were all seeing who could make the dm cry)

In Skyrim, Esper keeps a good bit of that backstory in that the story begins in a literal underground forced fighting ring at a very young age, with no memory of life before the Pit. Esper was adopted by a slightly older Argonian kid, who did her best to at least keep Esper alive and fighting, and in the end Esper did the same for a Khajiit kid a little younger.

The fighters in the Pits were all the so-called beast races, at least according to the Racial Philiogeny and The Pig Children crowd, Khajiit and Argonians and Orcs (maybe like a Lamia or two? Goblins?)

The three were nearly full grown (Esper was over six foot) when they became eligible to be put in the tournament for Champion, which supposedly leads to freedom (they take you out of the Pits anyway, though what it actually leads to, even I don't know). Esper was put up against the Khajiit, Stoneclaw, and tried to pull punches and let him win, even though it was a fight to the death. The consequences of holding back like you are a real person who gets to make actual choices were...bad. Stoneclaw died, and Esper nearly did. So after recovering and getting put back in, Esper didn't hesitate again when put against the Argonian of the trio, Hope-in-Darkness. Hope may have, but she was always a little more dexterous and sneaky, so it didn't show.

And after that, after Esper became Champion, but Champion alone, there was no point to going free by the Master's way, so Esper waited until it was almost over and broke his neck, then ran for the river running through the caverns that they used to dispose of bodies. It turned out to lead to freedom rather than back to Stoneclaw and Hope, so Esper became a wandering sellsword, but without the sword part, refusing to use any weapons after having been chained to a blade for so long.

If you know the story Inigo tells about how he betrayed and tried to murder his partner while addicted to skooma? Yeah that was actually Esper, who fled the scene before he could come back, and wound up taking a ship all the way to Dawnstar and wandering the snowfields still kid of out of it from the head injury until being attacked by bandits and left for dead (Alternate Start Live Another Life mod). Since it put me at Alftand for that, I made my way up to the Shrine of Azura where Aranea helped me and called me Champion(?!), and so the adventure begins.

Esper had to head to Winterhold and then Solitude on foot, and taking the dock gate into Solitude on a day when it was sleeting lead to finding Sofie actually frozen to the pavement and instantly becoming a parent, even if finding an actual house took longer. Then a carriage ride to Whiterun (and finding a hideout on the city outskirts because I have the Dragons Den house mod) brought Lucia into the family too, and then taking another carriage down to Falkreath to strike out north for Illinata's Deep (must pay back the debt to Aranea, daedra prince nonsense or no) lead to Gore, and the family begins to take shape.

Esper is an absolute unit of an Orc, and I have had unnecessary amounts of fun playing with size tweaks and comparison shots

Lore for your enjoyment, anyway

i am doing this to esper

[sparklz02]

Love Like Cherry Blossom

Chapter 4: ‘How To Build A Fortress?’ For Dummies

“I’ll be the one in charge of interrogations tomorrow and arrest the suspect on the spot.”

____________________________________________________________________________

Once again you found yourself in Ritou. This time, however, no book in hand. Only a pouch filled with mora and an instruction from your dearest older brother forcing you to go out and actually socialize.

You were very upset and just stood there bewildered in the center of the plaza unsure of what to do. This was your actual first time having to find some form of social activity by yourself. You were not sure why you were even forced to be there, you had to worry about interrogations later in the day!

‘I hope that big idiot knows what he is doing…’

You inspected the stalls to see what they had to offer but nothing really caught your interest. You noticed some cute omamori’s at a stall. You did not waste any time or give a second thought and decided to buy four charms. You found them cute and if William were to ask for more reason then it would be because of their meaning.

“He can’t say anything since he forced me here anyway…” You muttered.

“Oh my, you made some great choices in design. Are they for people you know?”

You jumped in surprise and saw none other than the daughter of the Kanjou commissioner. She took a step back after seeing your reaction. “Oh, my deepest apologies. I didn't mean to startle you but it seems that I did…”

The sudden appearance of the daughter of the Kanjou commission was unexpected. Many months have been used to hunt her down but to no avail. Despite her appearance being present, a small feeling was tugging at you, saying that this predicament was too real to be true…

But who listens to their gut feeling right?

“No, no! I should have been more aware of my surroundings…! I…um…” You looked down unsure of what to say.

‘Ok Y/n…this is my chance to befriend her..! But what do I say…? Ah, let’s start with greetings!’

You cleared your throat and looked back up with confidence, “Who are you?”

It seemed as if everything was now frozen in time. The commissioner's daughter only stared at you in surprise. You began sweating profusely and scolded yourself for the dumb question.

‘Oh my archons did I really just say that!? How the fu–’

“My name is Hiiragi Chisato. Most know me due to my father being the head of the Hiiragi clan and as the Kanjou commissioner.” She answers nonchalantly.

You quickly jumped in to try and save face. “I-is that so! Well nice to meet you Lady Hiiragi! My name is Y/n and…I am from the Rin family. What brings you here…?”

Chisato giggles. “There’s no need to be nervous. I am just taking a bit of a stroll around Ritou since my schedule is cleared up for the day.”

“I see…Well um…” You looked over towards the stall. “I will um…go over and pay for these now. I hope you enjoy your day!” You quickly walked towards the front desk of the stall and continued with your purchase. When you walk out you noticed that Chisato was no longer there and sighed.

‘Well there goes my chance of befriending a future commissioner…’

“This is why I refuse to socialize…” You mumbled disappointedly.

“Because you don’t have much experience?”

You were once again startled by Hiiragi Chisato. She was standing next to you and held a curious look and giggled again for startling you. You placed your left hand on top of your heart to calm yourself, her jumpscare was so effective that you were sure your heart was going to jump out.

“Hehe, happy to see me~?” She teases.

You were not sure what to say. You were too startled to pick up the conversation and looked away embarrassed. Chisato tilts her head in confusion, “Oh my, I’ve really done it now? Apologies once more, it’s a bad habit of mine popping out of nowhere…”

A strained smile graces your face while a lie slips through to keep the flow of the conversation alive. “No, no, no! Again…I should have been more aware!”

Chisato began to think deeply after noticing your uneasiness. “Hmm…as an apology, let me invite you for some food? It’s about to be lunch time, right?”

You gave the offer some thought and weighed your options. On one hand, a powerful figure in Inazuma is right there with you, practically handed to you by the universe on a silver platter. But for some reason, things were going too smoothly for your liking.

‘Might as well…it’s now or never for this to happen…’

“I accept your offer Lady Hiiragi.”

She beamed with joy and quickly entangled her right arm with your left. She began walking away from the plaza which surprised you. Many thoughts began to run through your mind, each becoming more crazy than the last driving your sanity to the edge. “Where are we going Lady-”

“You don’t have to refer to me as ‘Lady’, Chisato is fine~. Ah, and we are going to the Hiiragi estate!” She says cheerfully.

Anxiety hijacked your mind. You thought you were going to a food stall or a restaurant, not the Hiiragi estate. You cursed William under your breath for forcing you to socialize.

As the Hiiragi estate came into view, your anxiety kept rising to no end. You forced yourself to a stop, making Chisato also stop and look at you worriedly. “Is…everything alright?”

You were sweating bullets, clearly in a state of panic. You tried tugging your arm away from her but for some reason her grip onto your arm was very firm. “W-we don’t have to eat a-at your place! I’m v-very satisfied with j-just–”

She tightened her grip even further and forced you to take a few steps her way. “Nonsense! I must give you the best, now let’s hurry along now~!”

🫧🔎🫧

The luncheon was, to say the least… nerve-wracking for you but Chisato seemed fine. You felt like the maids judged you and questioned why their Lady brought in a common person for a formal lunch.

The meal was fine, it consisted of udon noodles, sweet shrimp sushi, konda cuisine, with a bowl of rice, and saké. Chisato had managed to maintain a conversation with your dry responses and it only made you feel bad and take notes to better improve.

Chisato placed down her chopsticks and places her head on her right hand and asks, “I’ve heard the guards chatter about a young lady coming down to the plaza and just read. They say she keeps to herself and doesn’t cause any problems and well…I took interest~. Tell me, why do you come down here to Ritou for?”

You placed your chopsticks down and focused on her. You placed your hands on top of your lap and held them tightly, “Well…my older brother just wants me to socialize. That’s all really…I bring a book to avoid any form of social interaction and it seems like he managed to find out…” You say nervously.

Chisato hums and looks at her saké with a bored expression, “You say that you’re from the Rin family correct? I have many questions but most importantly…” She looks back at you. “Are you by chance the killer in that household?” She says with a smile on her face.

Your blood ran cold but immediately rushed hot in anger. You held your hands tighter to calm yourself. You hardened your gaze and reply seriously with a hint of anger, “I am not the killer Lady Hiiragi. If your intention was to grab some intel on me and report it to the Tenryou commission then by all means keep on asking. I have nothing to hide.”

Chisato leans back, straightens her back, and places her hands on top of the table, “You are indeed a clever Lady. I was indeed asked by the proxy of the Kujou clan to grab some information about you. As you can see I’m not fit for this type of task so I failed to keep it discreet hehe~.”

You looked down on your lap to avoid her gaze. Chisato notices that you are uncomfortable. “I’m sorry I ruined this luncheon. Maybe I could–”

“No. No need for apologies.” You looked up to meet her conflicted gaze and before she could speak, you got up. “Thank you for inviting me to this luncheon. I am going back to the Rin estate, have a wonderful day, Lady Hiiragi.”

You bowed and turned to leave the estate but Chisato managed to quickly grab your right wrist. You quickly turned around to yank your wrist away but you were met with her guilty expression. You sighed in annoyance and looked away. “You have three minutes…”

She tightened her grip and wasted no time in revealing her intentions, “I’m truly sorry if I ever offended you. It’s just that the Yahsiro and Kanjou commission knows about the situation and we are tasked to help with the investigation in any way we could. Even the Shogun herself has asked how dire the situation was!”

“The Shogun? Why would she…”

“I’m unsure myself. I assume that ever since the abolishment of the vision hunt and sakokou decree she has desired to be more engaging with Inazuma…but besides that! Is there any way I can make up for my mistake? I truly wish to be friends and get to know each other better!”

‘Checkmate…’

You turned around to properly look at her. You knew from the look on her face that she was being sincere and let out a sigh. “Well…all I ask is that you support my brother William in his path to becoming the head of the Rin estate.”

Chisato loosened her grip and confusion was written all over her face, “Your brother? Is there any reason…? Is there anything I can do for you?”

“I am aiding him into becoming the new head of the Rin family. I do not crave for any power. As for the reason, it’s a promise that I made to myself. I don’t really need anything honestly…”

She grabs both of your hands and clasps them together, “Very well, I will support him. As for you, you also have my unconditional support if you need anything. Especially now during these times with the Tenryou commission…”

You gave her a gentle smile, “Thank you. I’m also sorry for getting upset…I should’ve kept my cool but instead…”

“No, no, no, no! It is all on me for asking such question especially during a luncheon session…but…must you really go?”

She had a puppy face begging for you not to leave and you tried so hard to say yes. In the end you gave in and stayed for awhile longer around the Hiiragi estate. You two discussed about your hobbies, likes and dislikes, a quick shopping spree, doing flower arrangements, and enjoyed some sencha tea.

Evening arrived and you had to leave so as not to worry everyone. Chisato was a bit sad, “It’s unfortunate that you must leave…I’ll have one of the Kanjou guards take you back!”

“You don’t have to Lady–”

“It’s Chisato. Now you will accept the guard, I cannot let anything happen to you on your journey back. Now off you go and come back whenever you have the time~.”

Before she could continue pushing you off to begin your walk, you grabbed onto her hand and quickly handed her an omamori. You quickly mutter, “May you be blessed and protected by the Shogun.” and quickly ran off not giving a chance for her to say something.

Chisato watches your figure quickly leaving her line of sight and giggles, “She’s so cute~.”

🫧🔎🫧

The journey back was not as boring as you had initially thought. You made some small chatter with the guard and he responded back but never initiated, probably due to status difference. You could also assume that the guy probably was not interested in small chatter, probably the ‘let me do my job’ type of guard. You ceased your attempts of making the journey back bearable and instead resorted to recall the events that have unfolded.

‘To think it was so easy to gain her support….I was a bit straightforward and that would have ruined everything.’

You looked at the guard briefly before going back to your own thoughts.

‘The other two may be a bit difficult…but since she has connections with the proxy of the Kujou clan who is in line for the Tenryou head position…’

You smirked and silently let out a cheer of victory.

‘Things are suddenly taking a turn for the better I suppose~. William will be so proud! Well, he should be anyways less he wants me to purposely ruin his chances...’

The Rin estate began to be visible to your line of sight. You could only scrunch up your face in disgust, you hated living there. Collete, William, and Elias were the ones who have made it bearable to live in but nothing will stop the universe from sending annoying obstacles your way.

And just as it so happens, you saw two guards who were wearing the symbol of the Tenryou commission. They stood guard in front of the Rin estate entrance and you only groaned inwardly, silently cursing the universe for this unfortunate encounter.

You turned to face the Kanjou guard and gestured for him to be dismissed. However he stood his ground and replied. “I was instructed to ensure that you return safely to the Rin estate. I will leave once I know you walk in without issues Miss.”

You felt touched by his words but quickly reminded yourself that he is only doing it out of duty and not by will. You let out a quiet sigh and began walking towards the entrance of the Rin estate. As you were trying to enter the estate, the two guards quickly barred your entrance with their polearms. “We apologize but the estate and its residence are under investigation. Visitors are not permitted.” Said the left guard.

Plastering a smile on your face, masking your tantrum that is being ensued inside your mind, you replied, “I am not a visitor sir. I’m also a resident of this…family and I am only returning from an outing.”

The left guard looks warily at the right guard, silently pleaing for assistance. The right guard only shrugged and stepped to the side. The left guard only sighed and stood firmly in his place. “I’m afraid that I cannot let you in. For all we know you could be an imposter—”

“She’s not an imposter.”

You peered behind you to see the same Kanjou guard now standing behind you.

“She was with Lady Hiiragi this morning and they both spent the day together. I can vouch that she is indeed a resident, she always comes to Ritou to take a look around.”

The guard still looks hesitant, as he opens his mouth to reply back someone from inside quickly interrupted him. “It seems you finally decided to join us…” The guard jolted and quickly moved to the side, opening a path to the person behind him.

Head held high in pride and authority, each step emitting an commanding presence. The two guards quickly fixed their posture and stood tall. The Kanjou guard behind you also mimicked their actions.

‘I would be lying if I said that I am not afraid…but even then…’

You were now met face to face with her fierce gaze. Both of your visions glowed in anticipation of this newfound tension. She stood tall and proud, eyeing you up and down suspiciously. You greeted her with the famous noble smile that hid it’s true fangs. She scoffed and crossed her arms.

‘I won’t stand down…!’

“Did no one inform you of today’s interrogations? Or perhaps you believed you could get away from it by running away temporarily? Are you even taking this case seriously?”

You glanced to see the guard behind you and silently prayed and returned your gaze towards the general and bowed. “Forgive me, I was scheduled to meet with Lady Hiiragi today. She insisted that I join her during a luncheon and spend the day with her, who am I to refuse?”

She narrowed her eyes in suspicion, “If it was for a luncheon, why did you leave so early? We were already here before breakfast even started. There’s no reason for you to leave at such a time.”

Maintaining your posture, “I wanted to greet the Lady properly by buying her a gift. It was my first time having an outing with someone else. Is it so wrong to make a good impression, general?”

She scoffed and looked behind you, “You there, what is your connection with her?” She commanded. The Kanjou guard gave a quick bow and replied, “I am a guard from the Kanjou commission Madam Kujou. I was with the Lady as her guard instructed by my Lady to ensure her safe journey back to the estate.”

Kujou eyed the guard, inspecting him to make sure he was speaking the truth. She lets out an irritated sigh, “Such a clever one aren’t you?”

You straighten your posture and look at her wondering what she meant. She noticed your curiosity and crossed her arms and looked behind the two guards. She gave them a nod and they quickly stood beside you, aiming their polearms at you. You only raised an eyebrow in amusement and let out a light chuckle.

“You won’t keep laughing once you hear this,” You only yawn, uninterested with what is going to happen. “For neglecting your duty of being present for the interrogation, insubordination, and prime suspect of the murders of the Rin family…”

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

“I hereby order that Rin Y/n to be placed under house arrest until clear of all charges.”

[To Be Continued 🔎]

[richincolor]

Book Review: Better Must Come

Title: Better Must Come

Author:  Desmond Hall

Genres:  Contemporary

Pages: 336

Publisher: Atheneum/Caitlyn Dlouhy Books

Review Copy: ARC by publisher

Availability: Available now

Summary: Deja is a “barrel girl”—one of the Jamaican kids who get barrels full of clothes, food, and treats shipped to them from parents who have moved to the US or Canada to make more money. Gabriel is caught up in a gang and desperate for a way out. When he meets Deja at a party, he starts looking for a way into her life and wonders if they could be a part of each other’s futures.

Then, one day while out fishing, Deja spies a go-fast boat stalled out by some rocks, smeared with blood. Inside, a badly wounded man thrusts a knapsack at her, begging her to deliver it to his original destination, and to not say a word. She binds his wounds, determines to send for help, and make good on her promise…not realizing that the bag is stuffed with $500,000 American. Not realizing that the posse Gabriel is in will stop at nothing to get their hands on this bag—or that Gabriel’s and her lives will intersect in ways neither ever imagined, as they both are forced to make split second choices to keep the ones they love most alive.

Review: Just by reading the synopsis I learned a bit more about Jamaican life so I was interested in the novel. I had never heard of the concept of the “barrel girl” before so learning that aspect about Deja intrigued me. And as I learned more about Deja and her point of view of being a “barrel girl” I was actually saddened by it. Deja’s mother had only recently left her and had only sent one barrel home so Deja was still learning how to be on her own. Deja as two younger siblings, so despite being a child herself still in school, Deja is also essentially a parent. She has to use the money her mom sends her to pay the bills, which unfortunately is often not enough, so she goes out fishing with her Uncle (and sometimes by herself) to make extra money. I hated this for her, but it did show how resilient Deja was so when the action of the story really begins, you know she will do what she can to succeed. 

Better Must Come starts off a bit slow as Desmond Hall is giving a bit of backstory to establish both Deja’s and Gabriel’s desires for their lives and to show their first meeting. This bit threw me as I had thought the two had already had a small romance going, when in fact it was the opposite, so to me, the “romance” angle feel a bit flat. They didn’t have enough time to really interact before the main action of the story so the supposed tension between the two didn’t come across on the page. Essentially, Deja is running from Gabriel throughout most of the novel. When they do eventually meet up, both are truthful about their intentions which was refreshing for a novel. The actually communicated with each other - granted they were both fighting for their lives at that point, but because they were so honest with each other they were able to team up together and “save the day.”

Overall I can’t say whether I loved the book or not. I just had this feeling of….melancholy (?) when I finished because even though the book ends on a good note, both Deja’s and Gabriel’s lives are completely upended and I felt so sorry for them. They “won”, so to speak, but it did come at a cost which made for a realistic ending and is probably why I feel the way I do about the book.  

[godstaff]

What do you like about Superman in general? Or at least what drew you to Superman?

When I was a little kid, I was thrilled by the idea of flying. Since I didn't know anything about couples, I was accepting the romance with Lane at face value. I was six and in love with the prettiest girl of my classroom, and she treated everybody like shit and beneath her, so I assumed that Lois attitude was normal in every woman. Now I wonder if Lork fans are in reality little kids, but their viciousness and dirty tactics showed me they are just shitty people.

He is conscious of the great sacrifice the Kents did and the huge love they gave him and he is grateful and fearful he will never be able to pay them back in kind, so he tries to live according to their teachings and moral values. No matter how far in space he is, they always are with him. He extended their love to the whole human species they taught him to love.

He's a godlike individual, with his powers and all, but he tries to stay down to Earth, humble and hard working.

He finally ditched the stupid secret identity. I don't know how it happened, but I'm glad it did. I suggested it several years before it miraculously finally occured.

He said Justice League is not to take humanity to the finish line but to help us when we stumble and fall along the way.

He's loyal to a tee.

He's a positive role model for humans and superheroes as well.

He deserves better writers.

He's the most powerful, but he never refuses help or hesitates to ask for it, He also never denies his help.

He tries hard not to kill, but he has done it when there was literary no other choice or outcome. He's not delusional about it.

He never presumes he has the right to tell others what to do.

He feels he lives in a world made of tissue paper, but still enjoys living among humans.

He willingly sacrifice himself for justice, truth and peace if he has to.

He has voluntarily abandon Earth when he became a danger to others in multiple occasions. Only when he was absolutely positive the peril was over and he was in the clear, he dared to come back.

In spite of being one of the handful of survivers of his lost planet, he keeps its people's culture alive in his Fortress.

He deserves better writers.

He's optimistic even if the odds are against him by far.

He inspires everyone around him.

His smile is his way of saying "Relax, everything is gonna be alright."

He, like Diana, is a hero by choice, not forced by a personal tragedy.

He trusts everyone implicitly. Sometimes he shouldn't.

Far from thinking of himself as infalible, he gave others the weapons to nullify him if he goes rogue.

He sees a brilliant future for humanity and works alongside us to make it so.

He deserves better writers.

As with Diana, these are only part of the reasons.

[unabashedly-faulty]

I have definitely switched. A few times.

On main at that.

Curses.

How is this possible lmao.

Also earlier I knew parts were shifting around because nothing felt connected to our vices. The music I know we made to encourage us was Nakomasssss ohhhhhh (had a mid sentence epiphany) and she gone so the music doesn’t speak to us as much. At least her choices. The playlist has some of our stuff on it from these present partsss sooooooooooo my fucking gosh. I’m getting better at this.

Cloudy Day- Emolita/Trish

Mood - Trish/Viv(Akasha)/Chris

Vibe - Caprie

✨ - Caprie

Okay the bad bitches are here. Understand. To feel the connection to music I’ve gotta play y’all’s stuff. Bad bitches equal the more protective parts. The confident parts. The vibes.

It is so massive what neuropathways become inactive when parts switch out the action panel. Stella showed me when I was driving how to detect a major switch and that is when I feel untethered. When my cells do not react to the music. It is literally what saves us every time. The music. What makes us feel like we are alive.

Please remind me to play the music when the horrors come. I think asking might help. Asking myself. My brain. Which is the center of my system. My brain went through so much to build masks to keep me safe that untangling us might never happen. And I want myself to know that is okay.

I forced you to learn and change and grow because our life depended on it. Our son’s life depended on it. His joy and happiness depended on it. Ours did too. But our brain was not supposed to work so hard so fast. It’s unnatural. And there was damage done on top of everything we’d thought damaged us already. There’s a 5 year span for us to relive. It’s gonna be painful. Idk how it will present but lately it’s attached to certain things. It’s all mixed up. There’s an inclination to let it flow without the need to fix parts. That I need to let you all feel it and have the emotional expression you need. Without jumping to save you.

Wait so de we each have to save ourselves now? Will that take pressure off of our brain? Reduce our symptoms? If we each get the healing specific to us, the love specific to us individually?

That is the consensus as I’ve observed your interactions with the support system.

Also maybe not save ourselves. Is having support counterproductive to us? We’ve built this defense up and not we have people, do we count on them? Is it okay to count and then not?

Hmm. I think so because we are capable of helping ourselves but it’s nice to practice reaching out too. We’ve perfected or maybe submitted our rejection response. I hope we don’t pay for that. Is feeling rejected healthy? Because I put that away in 2019, in 2016 too when people told us he cheated on us. You know what you’re fucking bad ass. When the green monster came up in 2016 after you heard that you literally YEEETED it out and idk if normal people can do that. You looked at your baby once the “check his phone and what does she looks like” voices entered the chat. That was a really significant moment and we didn’t even know we were a system. Our baby needed us. We are really a ball of fucking love bro. Was fighting mental illness and still had to mother and run a house and go to work and deal with devastation of heartbreak and abuse.

#thankyouforyourgenes because you’re good for nothing else. May our sun never become anything like you.

So manyyy thoughts. Glad we’re all still here. This helps me better meet our needs of comfort.

[minniepetals]

cry me a river | the thorns of a rose

— summary: loyalty means to have full allegiance and faithfulness owned by a duty, a pledge, or a promise. and the reapers’ loyalty lies much deeper than that

— pairing: bts x reader

— genre: angst, mafia!au

— word count: 5.6k

— warnings: mentions of breaking, emotional trauma, implied sexual harassment/abuse, implied forceful age-gap relationship (we're getting to more dark stuff here so please read at your own discretion, PLEASE)

— PART 11 / previous part / masterpost

“They say she’s the actual Grim Reaper herself.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“She’s on a rampage, going around killing anyone who has done her wrong. She’s already taken out Gwon Daejung!”

“Grim reapers go around collecting souls, she’s out here trying to collect the heads of all her enemies!”

“Surely that’s an exaggeration.”

“That monster killed her own father to get the throne.”

“What if we’re next?”

Knock, knock, knock.

A click of the door opens and he stares in horror at the said Reaper who’s out to collect the heads of all her enemies. With a smirk plastered on her face, hands resting behind her, and a flicking shine from the scythe earrings she wears, he can feel the beat of his heart drumming hard against his chest.

“Hello there, Mr. Choi,” you greet with a sinister expression resting well on your face, “it seems death has just knocked on your door. Would you mind giving me the pleasure of taking your life?”

.

.

.

“Why did you call me, Namjoon? You do know that I’m a pretty busy woman, don’t you? I have heads to sever and hearts to stab out.”

“Seems you’ve become quite the bloodthirsty mobster.”

You shrug lightly at his comment, adjusting the black gloves in your hands that are tainted with blood. “Well, life is pretty cruel to women so there’s quite a lot of people whom I have to go after now that I have the power to do so.”

“This is why you killed your father off?” He asks, eyes narrowed at you who only seems to be paying attention to your gloves. “Now that I think about it, you say you’re out to kill all the people who have done you wrong. Was your father your first target in all of this?”

Your hands freeze in place and when you look up at him, those eyes of yours are as cold as a stone, showing no sign of weakness, no amount of emotions for him to try and see through your facade. He can’t read you.

“What are you talking about?” You feign a smile. “If my father never cared for me, would he have accepted me so easily when I returned home after divorcing you? Any sane mobster who’s thirsty for power would have never let that slide. Yet father welcomed me in very well with wide, open arms.”

“Fool,” you hear your father’s disdained voice in the back of your mind. 

“You’ve always been useless from the second you were born. For a moment I thought things were going well, finally made useful to me. But here you are, crawling right back and begging for forgiveness at the foot of your father. I told you to make yourself useful.”

No matter how foolish and stupid you were ten years ago, at least you understood what to do in order to keep the image of a happy family alive and well.

Divorcing Namjoon was one of the hardest decisions in your life but you were left with no other choice. Returning that ring, asking him for a divorce, even that moment of weakness where you asked them to give you a second chance, all of that was planned.

After all, divorcing Namjoon meant facing father’s wrath so you had to do it smartly, hence you asked him to sign a contract with you before you left, before the divorce was finalized. It was the only way you could get through to your father. He would be angry either way but at least then he didn’t have to worry about losing power.

Power was all father wanted after all, and you allowed him to keep that.

That contract saved you from potentially dying at your father’s very own hands.

“Open arms…”

You stare at Namjoon with a small, playful smirk, knowing he must be thinking back on his own father. “Envious?”

He sends you a glare and you look away with a shrug, amusement plastered on your face.

“Did all those silent vows of keeping each others’ secrets safe not matter after the divorce?”

“Of course it does!” You say at his suspicion on you. “You don’t really think I’m the type to go around spreading every traumatic story of you and the boys to the world just because we don’t care for each other anymore, do you?”

“I don’t know who you are anymore, Y/N.”

“Right,” you nod. “Let’s keep it that way, yeah? Anyways, what am I doing here again?”

Namjoon lets out a sigh and reaches from the back of his pants to hand you a simple envelope. You stare at it, blinking.

“If it’s a letter of some sort, you could have simply sent it through the mail, old man.”

“I figured you’d rather keep the envelope as is rather than having words painted on them.”

“Why’s that?”

“It’s Jungwon’s.” You freeze and he takes a moment to look at the envelope before beckoning for you to take it once more. “One of the letters was meant for you.”

A letter was written for you? What for?

If Mister Butler had anything to say to you, why didn’t he just speak them to you when he had the chance? Perhaps it’s something secretive that he couldn’t say aloud?

No, can’t be. All his letters were basically his diaries but, why would one of them be addressed to you?

You pull the gloves off your hands, not wanting anything to taint the envelope before taking it from Namjoon. “Did you read it?” You ask and he shakes his head.

“Those are your initials, yes?”

They are.

“The content of the letters addressed to you,” you look back at him, wondering, “what were they about?”

“His daily life. A diary, as you said.”

“He never mentioned anything about what he was doing at the Reaper’s manor in the first place?”

Namjoon shakes his head, a sigh leaving his lips. “Nothing of that sort. Unfortunately, it doesn’t help much with my investigation.”

“Surely your father had some answers.”

“Anything that has to do with my father has already been searched and burned away. None of them ever mentioned anything about my brother. It’s almost as if it disappeared along with him, as if my father knew.”

Did his father get word of Mister Butler’s death? He must have, hence all evidence about what he had done were all destroyed for Namjoon to never find out.

“When did my brother disappear?”

“The eighth of January,” you tell him. “I was nine.” You were hurt that night, severely injured. You don’t remember exactly the events that went by, just the fact that the next thing you knew, you were standing in front of the man you loved so much, staring into his unblinking eyes. “He never said goodbye and after that night, I never saw him again.”

“Something must have happened.”

Yeah, your father killed him and blamed it all on poor little you.

“Well, I have to go now,” you say as you turn around and begin to walk off, “as I said, I’m a pretty busy woman.”

“Y/N if you know anything—”

“I got into an accident that night, Namjoon, so I don’t recall much of what happened.”

“Then those workers—”

“Are dead,” you say. “I killed them all.”

You hear him let out a frustrated sigh. “Honestly, you’re too impulsive. If one of them were still alive, they’d know what happened and have better intel than what we have now.”

“Well,” you shrug, “even if one of them were still alive, those workers didn’t really pay much attention to Mister Butler. To them, he was just another one of them, and if someone disappears out of nowhere, they’d only think what they know.”

Any sane worker would think they’d died at the hands of the leaders of the mafia they’re working in.

In Jungwon’s case, it was exactly that. No exception.

“See ya.”

With that, you walk off without looking back again, the letter tightly grasped in your hand.

.

.

.

You stand alone in the garden of the greenhouse, eyes staring blankly at the red roses right before you. With a white suit on, your overcoat drapes on your shoulder as you cross your arms against your chest, the gloves gone as blood still stains your clothing from your previous endeavor.

You don’t care to clean up just yet.

The rose bushes intrigues you as you stare at them, a reminder of someone you used to know.

“The roses remind me of you, Y/N.”

“...Why is that, sir?”

He lets out an exasperated sigh at the title you call him by, but falls understanding that no matter how much he asks of you, you’d never call him by name. “Is this your way of telling me you don’t wish for a close relationship, my dear?” He asks, a small pout glanced your way. “Despite the fact that we were almost engaged?”

You don’t answer his question, giving him anything but a blank stare. It’s all he’ll ever see from you, all you will ever show him. He will never witness your anger, your sadness, your happiness, or any emotions out of you.

Relationships do not matter to you, after all, he’s just another pawn for your father.

“Why do the roses remind you of me, sir?” You speak as if reading off a script; emotionless, robotic.

His brows furrow slightly but he’s used to this. “You’re pretty and you look innocent and sweet and precious, but anytime anyone tries to get any close to you,” he holds his hand out to caress your cheek, stroking it tenderly with his thumb as he flashes you a small smile, “you will put up a guard and have your thorns protect you. They are your walls, aren’t they?”

“I haven’t hurt you in the slightest, sir.”

He chuckles. “But you resent me, don’t you?”

“I do not hold any feelings towards you.”

“...Right.” He looks down at your figure, the way you sit on the bed obediently, and will not move unless instructed otherwise. You dress in a silky nightgown, one of the straps fallen from your shoulder, and he takes his hand from your face to trace over one of the visible scars held against your skin. You say nothing, you do nothing, and despite his gentle touches, you feel nothing.

He watches you as if trying to monitor your reactions, and when you give him nothing to see, he trails down to your hand and gently takes hold of it.

“You may not hold any feelings towards me but…” he traces the purple ring around your wrist, “you resent my father, do you not?” You say nothing so he goes on. “I may not know you as well as I hope to, Y/N, but even I understand that a lady would never want a man she doesn’t desire to touch her whether in a precious hold or not. You come here, walk into a man’s room whether you like to or not, just like an obedient puppet, and do nothing to go against your father’s words. So whether it’s me touching you or my father…you will not speak up against it.”

So he knew of his father’s doings, yet the closer you watch him, you realize that he’d only learned of that fact recently. Your potential fiance, despite the whole ordeal being to his benefit, has never once taken advantage of you. He holds onto his morals, a man of principles, and when he finds the truth of your relationship with your father, he expresses opposition.

But the two of you are one and the same, living a similar life.

He cannot go against his father, just as you cannot go against yours.

You’re both far too weak against the men of the house.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asks, almost a whisper, and you see the way he tries to hold onto his anger for you, the way his hand trembles slightly as he does his best not to hold onto your hand too tight. As if afraid he’d hurt you.

He reminds you of someone, but you don’t wish to remember so you look away, not wanting to see that little spark in his eyes.

“I had no reason to.”

When you say that, he looks back up at you, a flash of hurt and disbelief in his eyes. “No reason?” He scoffs. “You have purple bruises on your wrist and you’re saying you had no reason to tell me these things? My father did this to you, Y/N, and I can only imagine what other horrible things he’s done to you.”

“It doesn’t matter.” You look off to the side, taking your hand from his hold to look out at the window where a bird perches on the tree just outside. “In the end, we can do nothing.”

He hates how right you are, and hates the way you seem to shiver slightly from the cold, goosebumps forming along your skin, yet you say nothing against your pain. You do not care for your well-being, and you guess by now he’s probably realized you’re already broken.

A broken doll for your father to use at his disposal.

You hear him let out a grunt of anger yet when he slips your strap back onto your shoulder and holds the blanket over you, his actions are as gentle towards you as ever.

“When you decide to let your thorns be known to the world, I hope you can come after my father and kill him yourself.” He stands from the bed, going for the door but not before looking back at you for one last thing. “I will wait for you until then.”

How long has it been since you heard those words fall from his lips? It was the last conversation you had with the man, before he went away and did all that he could to drive the relationship between your gang and his to fall apart.

You’re not sure how he did it, but he somehow made it possible for the two of you to never see each other again, and in doing so, saved you from having to see his father ever again.

He was different from Ying, because while Ying always watched you get belittled and hurt and went to console you afterwards, the second he found out the truth, he did all that he could to at least save you from one less burden to carry.

He could do nothing about your father, but he took his father away for your sake.

The roses remind you of him, yet despite the little moments of good memories you have with him, they will always be overshadowed by all the things his father has done to you.

And the longer you stare at the roses, the more you wish to cast the memories away, the more you wish to never remember his face, his voice, and the way he held you.

You feel disgusted.

Perhaps if I touch them…maybe the pain will take over the pain of having to remember him.

You hold your hand out as if in a daze, a chant repeating in your head to try and convince you that marking yourself with physical pain will give you a chance in forgetting the past pains.

Hurt me hurt me hurt me. Let me forget.

You feel your teeth clenching, brows knitted, and just as your hand is about to grab a handful of the rose bush filled with thorns, someone grabs ahold of your hand with a force, stopping you mid-way.

“Please don’t touch the roses, all the plants here are important for the antidotes and poisons we work so hard to create.” It’s Han, one of the young researchers working alongside Yeonjun. He watches over the greenhouse, keeping the plants well-fed and healthy, always holed up in here to help aid the young genius hacker in his researches.

You know just how important each and every plant here are, yet it doesn’t stop you from the hypnotized state you’re in.

You ignore his touch and warning, further hoping to grab a fist full of thorns.

“Boss, please.” Han’s voice fades into the distance as you see nothing but the thorns before you. “Boss-”

“Y/N.”

Someone rips your attention from the flowers, hands held onto both your shoulders, forcing your body to turn their way, and that’s when you seem to come back to your senses.

“..Mingyu.”

“Have tea ready,” your second in command orders to Han, who in turn nods and walks off, knowing Mingyu always knows what to do.

“I’m fine.” You push him off you to turn from the flowers, a bit weak in your legs, and when he sees that, Mingyu reaches out to help you keep steady.

“I guess we have our next target, huh?” One look at you and the flowers and he understands in an instant. “Yuna will be happy.”

“Yuna’s happy with everyone we face.”

“Well,” he shrugs, “can’t really blame her.”

“Forget it,” you begin to walk off without his help, towards the bench just under the wisterias to take your seat. “I don’t want to face them just yet.”

Mingyu watches you with an observing gaze, and when Han returns with the tea, he lets out a sigh when you sip the drink to help you calm your nerves. The more people you go after, the more drained you become, and the more hysterical your state grows. He can’t blame you, after all, these are the people who have done you so wrong in the past, leaving you with scars both physically and mentally.

“Alright,” he says upon your orders when you give him the cup after a good couple of gulps, body laid over to rest your head against the pillow that’s already there for you when you wish to take your afternoon breaks. When your eyes start to droop, he takes a step to the right to block the glaring sun filtering into the greenhouse.

And Mingyu stays there watching after you like a personal knight whose only job is to watch over and protect the princess.

He hates every second of seeing you suffer all alone.

.

.

.

“The longer you keep this up, the harder it’ll be on your body.” When you look up at him from your cup of tea, Namjoon goes on. “Going after the people that’s pissed you off isn’t an easy job. Not only are many of the people that belong to the shadows tough but they do crazy things to one’s mind as well. You’re a victim to the shadows both physically and mentally.”

“Get to the point, Namjoon.”

“You need to slow down, take a break,” he says, “before you break.”

Break.

Hah. What a strange word.

“You needn’t worry about that, I’m already a broken doll.” It’s such a simple sentence that leaves your lips, as if you were speaking about the weather. You show no amount of emotion, eyes as dead as they were the first time he saw you again after ten whole years.

But even then, your ex-lover can see how drained you are by all of these endeavors. You’re stubborn, refusing to admit to the truth, but he knows just how tired you must be both physically and mentally. What if one day you go too far and there’s no one to save you from the drowning?

“I’m serious,” he states against your protest. Namjoon may not understand what happened through the ten years of your disappearance, the extent to which you were hurting, but even he knows just how much it has affected you.

After all, no sweet person can ever turn dark and emotionless without reason.

“I want to get rid of them as soon as possible.” You look up at him from the hood of your lids, taking a sip of the tea that’s been served for you. You were never really one who desired coffee, and ever since Yeonjun joined the gang, all that’s ever helped to calm your nerves were his tea. “You understand how that feels, don’t you?”

Namjoon doesn’t say anything but you can see the answer in his hesitation.

“So whether you want to stop me or not, I’m not going to rest until they’re all dead. I can’t.” Because your body refuses to let you. Each time you rest your eyes, nightmares will plague your thoughts, and unless your Reapers are there to help you through the episodes, you can never calm from the fear.

Everything scares you the more people you face, the world closing in, the walls suffocating you. Every second you face them, it feels as if your lungs are weighed by a heavy boulder, refusing to let you breathe. But you’d rather face these disgusting, vile creatures, than to know that they still live, walking the Earth as if all the things they’ve done to you is something that should not be considered a crime, as if they had simply crushed a bug with their foot.

You hurt from their pains while they hold their heads up, laughing in their own freedom.

You want your own freedom.

You need it, you crave it.

And you can never achieve it unless they’re gone from the torture they do to your head.

“Fine.” Namjoon knows he can’t stop you, so he relents. “Who’s your next target then?”

A man you’ve been avoiding.

You put the teacup down, resting against the chair, and cross a leg over the other. “I’ll need your help again, if you’re up for it.”

“And this is?”

“Ever heard of the Black Rose?”

He thinks over the question, a slight purse of his lips. “Isn’t that the gang that left for London? They were faring well here so no one knows why they left when the streets of London is much harder to gain control of.”

“They left because of me.”

He looks at you, blinking. “What?”

“The son, Hwang Hyunjin and I had somewhat of a relationship,” you explain. “I wouldn’t say we were close nor would I say we were friends but he supported me as a friend would. He cared for me.”

Namjoon’s brows knit in just the slightest way. “If he cared for you, why would he leave Korea?”

“He cared for me, that’s why he left.”

Hyunjin was the only decent human being that did the things he did in a respectable and accurate manner among all the mafiosos you’ve met. Even though you could never escape the abuse and pain, he still did you a favor by getting rid of someone who would have traumatized you even more than the man already had.

“So then, if it isn’t Hyunjin you’re after, who is it?”

“Who else but his father?”

“You’re walking into dangerous territory, Y/N.”

“Isn’t everything we do dangerous?” You flick your hair to lay behind your back, not wanting to back down. “He has more power in London than you but that doesn’t mean you aren’t influential there either. That’s why I need you on this mission. Hyunjin will be on my side, as well as you. I’ll need both of you to take Mr. Hwang down.”

“How are you so sure Hyunjin will be on your side? This is his father we’re talking about.”

“And you understand just how broken that relationship can be in this world.” Because his own father was never one to care for him. “It may be different from yours, Hyunjin and his father trust each other, but at the end of the day, he left Korea all for me.”

He left Korea for you.

Namjoon wonders what sort of relationship the two of you had, and the reason why the Black Rose left for you.

When he stares at you from across the table, he sees the determination in your eyes, as well as the trust you hold for a man he does not personally know. So you do know how to trust people outside your gang after all.

“Fine.” There’s no reason to refuse you. At the end of the day, he still needs intel on his brother.

With a satisfied smile resting on your face, you stand from your seat. “Great. I’ll see you in London next week.”

.

.

.

“You’re planning to what?” Mingyu is quick to look at you with alarm, his expression screaming protest. “Live out the fantasy he so wanted long ago?” He repeats your words with a disbelief scoff. “I’m not letting you do that.”

“You have no right to protest.”

“I’m your underboss, I have every right to protest.”

“Please my lady, can’t you think of something else?” Yuna speaks up, her lips forming into a tight frown when she looks your way.

“This is the only way to take down Hwang Leehyun and you know it,” you say against their dismay, standing firm in on your decision no matter what they say. “That man thrives off control and if I can manipulate him into thinking he can take me, we’ll have our score settled and I’ll have taken another man down. He has no reason to suspect me.”

“And if it breaks you?”

You laugh sarcastically at Mingyu’s words, a dark chuckle leaving your lips. “How do you break again after you’ve already broken? But then again, perhaps you’re right. A broken glass can never mend itself to the way it used to be, the only thing it can do is break even more.”

“Boss—”

“But I don’t care for that,” you cut him off, the only emotions detected in your eyes are filled with rage and anger. “This is the path I’ve chosen for myself, so whether you like it or not, I will never stop until every last one of them are dead. You have chosen to follow me, do so in silence.” 

With that, you turn your back on your Reapers and they know that no matter how against they are with your plans, once your mind is made up, you will never go back on your words.

“And if something goes wrong when I’m with him, I expect you to do nothing.”

You leave them with no room to protest and they can do nothing but watch you from where they stand, a heavy silence hung in the air because they know more than anyone that stopping you is something that can never be done. You live to seek revenge and you will stop at nothing.

Even if that means meeting death on its way.

Even if it will break you even more.

“Boss?” You don’t hear his call even when he runs up to stand before you, an alarming concern marking his features. All you do is stand there, as still as a corpse, with your head lowered and your eyes staring blankly at nothing before you. 

Mingyu sees the state you’re in; dressed in a white silky dress, spaghetti straps hanging off your shoulders, disheveled hair, with possessive markings splattered around your skin.

He can feel his hands trembling into a fist as he holds himself back, knowing that whatever he does, he can never let his anger get the best of him. So he settles with trying to reach out for you. You don’t see him, you feel numb and dull, like a living corpse, but when his hand holds out to touch you,

You flinch.

And Mingyu freezes.

His hand hovers in the air, frozen in time, and no matter what anyone tells him, he wants to storm out here right now and land his fist on the very man that did this to you, no matter the consequences.

But he has to consider the consequences because if he tries to do anything to go up against the people that have done you wrong, you will face the consequences and he knows more than anyone that that must never happen.

He wants to protect you yet why is this the only way he can save you?

Why can’t he do more?

Mingyu balls his hand in the air and settles it back to his side, turning to the Reapers that have come along as he clenches his jaws, keeping his emotions at bay.

“Yuna, Dasom. Get her a blanket, clean her up, and take care of her. Make sure she eats well.”

He only addresses the girls and they know. They know why.

Because normally you would never flinch in the presence of Mingyu. Never.

“Yes, Mingyu.”

“Yes, Mingyu.”

Yuna hurries to grab a soft blanket and drape it over your shoulders, hiding your revealing skin, and the two of them lead you away from the small little group. You follow willingly without protest, as if you can’t even speak, as if your only purpose in this world is to obey and survive.

Right now you cannot make a decision for yourself, right now you’re numb, you’ve locked yourself out from the world, eyes nothing but dull, empty sockets. Right now you are lost.

Lost in your broken, empty mind.

This is your body’s way of protecting yourself.

Yuna turns to Mingyu, her hand held against his shirt to grab his attention, and a tremor falls in her hand as her grip holds tight.

“I want to save her,” she whispers, a voice barely audible but they hear her. It is a wish they all hold dearly in their hearts. “She…she can’t face him again, Mingyu, not in the same way. Or else…or else…”

“She gave us her command, we can’t go against that,” the second in command states, his emotions held back despite it all. “But there are some people who aren’t obligated to go against her.”

“You don’t mean..”

“They’re the only ones we can rely on to bring Y/N back,” he says despite Dasom’s disapproving glare. “At least we can trust in Jung Hoseok, if anyone.”

.

.

.

“I ask that you protect her well.”

Namjoon sits in his chair, a silent stare at the man who bows before him, and when he looks over at Hoseok, the older man just spares him a silent glance, unsure of what was going on as well.

“You don’t think those are the obligations between two allies, do you?”

“I’m serious,” Mingyu says, his words firm and heavy without an ounce of jest in them. “This mission may as well be one of the most difficult ones my boss will have to face, yet I am not allowed to interfere with her plans.”

“And why is that?” Seokjin asks.

“Because she knows that if I were to be there with her, I may as well stop her and in short, ruin the plan of revenge. Whatever you do, do not stop her, however…” he holds his jaw in, fingers held in a tight fist behind him, “save her…if it so gets to that point.”

The man before them is a man who’s been through a lot, who watched over you and cared for you, a man who truly hopes for nothing but the best out of you. He frets over your safety, concern clearly marked on his face, yet as your subordinate, he is obligated to heed your every order.

“If you’re that worried about her, why don’t you try harder to have her revise her plan? Or better yet, persuade her to leave this be?” Namjoon asks, genuinely curious about his strange resolve.

“Because this is the only way I can save her,” Mingyu says, his expression a sharp, piercing seriousness. “She may be impulsive at times, maybe even bloodthirsty and cruel in her ways of only seeking revenge towards the people that have wronged her, but Y/N’s ambition lies in wanting to seek peace. You and I will never understand her heart but she holds her resolves and she holds her morals and I have every intention of giving everything I can to see her ambition come to pass. I believe that is why I follow her. She has saved me so I will do all that I can to save her. And if saving her means stepping back and having you take care of things for the moment…I hold no protest.”

So that’s how it is.

Both Mingyu and the rest of the Reapers refuse to stand in the way of your dreams. They have sworn themselves to you, from whatever point you’ve met and managed to steal their hearts and souls.

You have a way with people. Even back then when you held no ambitions in killing people, the authority you held had never dissipated. There’s something about you that people can never forget, no matter who they are, and you will always leave an impression in the end.

The Reapers now, your Reapers, are different from any other followers they have ever seen before. They heed your every word, holding them as if they were laws of the world, never to go against you, coming to you the instant you call their names. Loyalty means to have full allegiance and faithfulness owned by a duty, a pledge, or a promise. And the Reapers’ loyalty lies much deeper than that. This isn’t just simple loyalty, this is something much deeper than they can ever imagine. 

You saved him, Mingyu stated, which meant you saved the rest of them as well, and in turn, they’ve vowed their lives to you.

“So as someone who cares deeply for Y/N and as people who once held her at the center of the world,” he looks at them with a pointed stare, eyes refusing to look away or even blink, “don’t you think you should at least give her what she deserves?”

What a loyal companion you have.

[theaudacitytowrite]

🥳🥳 Congratulations on 1k! You deserve it!

Could we see prompts 31, 44, 48, 51, 57, 58, and 60 in no particular order with Loki x Female Reader? I’m thinking angst and fluffy fluffy goodness! I’m excited to see everyone else’s prompt ideas too! If it’s too many prompts let me know and I can change it!

This one practically wrote itself alone^^ Thanks for requesting this 💚

warnings: attempted SA

“At last, we’re finally reunited.” he cooed as he approached you with big steps, theatrically walking towards you, "I missed you, my dear."

His hand reached out to you, trying to cup your cheeks but you recoiled at his touch.

“Keep your filthy hands to yourself.” you seethed at him as you tried to scootch further away from him. It didn’t help that he had secured your arms behind your back with a rope tightly which made it difficult to get away.

“But Y/N, we were meant to be!” he whined hurt, kneeling down in front of you, his face so close that his breath hit your skin.

“Meant to be apart maybe.” you scoffed. His hand suddenly gripped your jaw hard, forcing you to look at him.

"You're mine, do you understand." he snarled, “Some day you’ll learn to love me back.”

He lowered his head, his lips dangerously close to your own. You tried to turn away but he forcefully held you in place. You pressed your lips tightly together, nausea overwhelming you when the door that lead into the room suddenly crashed open, the force ripping it out of its hinges, diverting the attention away from you.

“Get away from her,” Loki growled deeply as he stepped into the room menacingly. His eyes were dark as they held a murderous glare.

“Or what?” the man chuckled grimly as he got up to his feet, freeing his gun from its holster and releasing the safety catch, “I suggest you choose your next steps wisely, boy.”

Loki inclined his head in disbelief at the arrogance of the mere mortal standing before him. He snickered as he shook his head slowly.

“What?” the man sneered, hastily stepping forward but before he could even reach Loki he was slammed into the wall next to him. Loki slowly approached him, taking his time, only halting a few inches before the man who couldn’t move a muscle.

“I am a God, not a boy.” Loki muttered into his ear with a sly grin, “I’d suggest to you, re-evaluate your choices in life as we wait for the reinforcement. You’re lucky that she’s still alive and I don’t have to disregard my orders.”

“Loki.” the weak whimper for him made him turn around immediately. He hastily hurried to you, freeing you from your bounds.

"I'm here.” he consoled you, as he hugged you tightly, “And I'm not going anywhere, okay?"

"I don't know what I would’ve been without you." you sniffled against his chest, “He got so close to me.”

"It'll be alright." he shushed you, as he glared towards the man who fixated on the wall, plenty of ideas flooding his mind of what he could’ve laid hands upon this sleazy rat of a man in a variety of forms.

Tonight he would have to pay a visit in the prison cells.

"I thought... I thought I lost you." Loki shivered at the thought of what would've happened if he hadn't been there in time. He observed your face closely, looking for any injuries that he might have missed, “Are you okay?” You nodded timidly.

"But could you... hold onto me for a while?" your request pulled on his heart. He nodded silently as he encased you in another hug.

Taglist: @lucywrites02 @funsized-mimi @gaitwae @queenjosielaufeyson @1marvelnerd3000 @darkacademicfrom2021  @lostgreekgod @tendertalesmain @donttouchmylaevateinn @asgardianprincess1050 @msturi2u @high-functioning-lokipath @elius-learns-to-write @plainlo-inthemorning @kokinu09 @midnights-ramblings @donaweasley @itsreallyjustmeh @sititran  @lindsey-laufeyson @ethanshide @delaber  @anonymousfiction211 @itsybitchylittlewitchy @iamalinarose @xorpsbane @vbecker10 @limiworld @ilovefanfictions  @crazzycrackers04 @tinctureofmaddness @marvelfanfn2187a113 @cosplayingwitch @sylvies4ever @tanushreeg27 @kellatron55 @loveshineslikethesky @scram1326 @camerons-specialinterest @mooncat163 @leucoratia @acefeather2002  @mochie85 @usagishira @michelleleewise @mischief2sarawr @lokidbadguy @ozymdias

Only 1 more drabble to go 😭

[zodiyack]

Rude! (3,000+ Follower Fic Special 1/3)

Pairing: Billy Hargrove x Female!Hopper!Reader

Warnings: Swearing, Billy stuff, lyrics, fluff

Song: Rude by Magic!

Words: 1,798

Summary: Billy's love for Hopper's daughter is too strong to be stopped by the tough Chief Jim Hopper. Despite being told "not in a thousand years", he plans to love her regardless.

Note: Thank you so so much! I love you all, and writing your ideas, as well as sharing mine with you, has been so fucking fun and amazing! I'm sorry for my lack of words, I wish being an author came in handy with writing this, however, all I can say is that I love you all from the bottom of my heart. I've seen people do shout-outs, and ask-related stuff with their follower things, and I may do that, I'm not sure. For now, I hope you enjoy this... Thank you all, again!

Also 1/3 means that there will be two other fics released for the 3,000+ follower present!

Taglist: @urie-bowie-mercury, @matth1w, @redspaceace-writes, @fandom-puff, @darling-i-read-it, @simonsbluee, @sebastianstanslefteyebrow, @dpaccione

Masterlist | Stranger Things Masterlist

"Saturday morning, jumped out of bed and put on my best suit. Got in my car and raced like a jet all the way to you. Knocked on your door with my heart in my hands, to ask you a question, 'cause I know that you're an old-fashioned man. Yeah."

Billy was freshly graduated, working as a lifeguard whilst his girlfriend worked her own job, both saving up for their chance to ditch Hawkins and move to California. Sweet Cali. Billy was excited to show the love of his life around the place he called home. Though, physically, he left the salty ocean and windy beach behind, the place never truly left him.

You could see it in his eyes. The waves crashing in his blue orbs. He swore the scent had just barely clung to his belongings; the smell of the tangy air that followed a majority of the state. Working at a pool was the closest he got to the memory of California. Chlorine was most certainly not the salted ocean waters, but with the circumstances, he decided it'd do.

The way his face lit up whenever he talked about his home...it made Y/n more and more excited to see it. His girlfriend had grown up in Hawkins, stayed there her whole life. Never once did the Hoppers leave Hawkins.

But the second that was introduced to Billy, he knew it had to change.

Although they were saving for a big move, Billy had...other things in mind with what to do with his first large pay-check (or series, rather. Working as a lifeguard didn't pay well with just one check). He began to work more shifts to make up for the money he'd spent, and one day after calling in for a day off, he decided to put his plan into action.

"Billy, stop messing with the tie."

"It's annoying." Hands slapped away his attempts of adjusting the black silk tie.

"Well it won't stop being annoying if you keep fucking it up."

For the first time in a long time, Neil Hargrove was calm. Not happy, not amused, not pissed off for some unjust reason- just calm. He wasn't wreaking havoc and he wasn't being an asshole to his son. Billy hadn't seen this side of his dad in quite some time, in fact, he thought something important was going on and he was about to fuck it all up. And then, Susan retreated to the living room with a camera and a freshly ironed suit.

"You're not putting me in that."

"And who asked for your opinion?" Neil deflected with a raised brow. One heavy sigh later and Billy was leaving the bathroom, dawning the whole black and white getup.

Susan clasped her hands over her mouth, a tear leaving her eye, "You look so handsome! Just like your dad!"

Billy rolled his eyes, "Great."

However, his careless attitude was swept under the rug when the blue Camaro pulled up to the police station, interrupting a clearly distressed Chief Hopper bickering with his daughter. Billy had to get himself together before stepping out of the car, jaw slack after seeing the beauty he got to call his date.

"Hello Mr-"

"Don't even try play nice with me, Hargrove. She's not going anywhere with you. End of story." Hopper kept his eyes trained on the blond, body tense like a snake preparing to strike it's prey.

Y/n grabbed Billy's arm, slowly directing him to the car, "And in the sequel, we find out I am going with Billy. End of that story."

"There is no 'sequel.' The writer got drunk and lazy." She paused, turning to face her father who stood tall, arms crossed and face unamused.

"So his daughter picked up where her father left off, and then the sequel was published and the two lived happily ever after, the end."

While her dad attempted to search for a line that would better hers and force her to stay, she pushed Billy toward the driver's side and slid into the car as fast as she could, rolling down the window as Billy started it up. "Bye! I'll be back before midnight!"

The two drove off toward the school, leaving behind a trail of dust and very, very, pissed off Hopper.

Prom was better than Billy thought it would be. He didn't want to go at first, but after Max found out and spoke to her mom about it (the little redhead a cupid-in-the-making), Neil pushed him to go (as he was "doing something else besides being a lazy-no-good rebel"). It was then that he called Y/n and asked if she'd be going.

The suit came in handy. Clashing with his rocker aesthetic, he put it back on once more. The once-annoying tie proved to be somewhat okay in the end.

Can I have your daughter for the rest of my life? Say yes, say yes, 'cause I need to know. You say I'll never get your blessing "till the day I die, tough luck my friend, but the answer is no!"

Why you gotta be so rude? Don't you know I'm human too? Why you gotta be so rude? I'm gonna marry her anyway. Marry that girl, marry her anyway! Marry that girl, yeah, no matter what you say! Marry that girl, and we'll be a family! Why you gotta be so rude?

With a deep breath, he ran-over the conversation in his head once more. Like a script for an actor, he had thought of every possible outcome and every possible line for him to face it with. He almost chickened out as his fist rose to the door, but it was too late, for his knuckles rapped against it before he realized he was even knocking.

El opened the door, eyes wide when she saw the familiar mullet and button-down. "Papa..." She muttered as she backed away and out of view.

Hopper traded places with her, his lazy expression sobering up instantaneously, replaced with a grumpy scowl. "Hargrove."

"Mr. Hopper, sir."

"What are you doing on my front porch?"

He swallowed roughly, palms sweaty against his sides. "I was wondering if I could talk to you."

"You seem to be doing just that right now, Hargrove." Hop crossed his arms and clenched his jaw.

Well, this was certainly not something Billy had thought of. He was on panic mode internally, attempting to find any response that could save his hide and accomplish what he set out to do. Unfortunately, the word-vomit button seemed to be misplaced under the button labeled "help".

"I'd like to marry your daughter, sir."

Hop's eyes grew just as big in size as El's had when she opened the door. He choked on his own surprise, coughing it off, then glaring at the boy in front of him. "Over my dead body, Hargrove. If that's all, I'd strongly advise you to get off of my fucking porch while you're still alive."

I hate to do this, you leave no choice; can't live without her. Love me or hate me, we will be boys- standing at that alter. And we will fly away, to another galaxy, you know. You know she's in love with me, she will go anywhere I go-

"Billy, he's just stubborn."

"No, no, I don't think he likes me."

Y/n sighed, rubbing her boyfriend's back. He hadn't told her of his proposal plans, only that Hop seemed to have it out for him. "It'll take time, but he'll warm up to you!"

"It's been how many years since he's met me?"

"To be fair, your reputation wasn't doing you any good until now..."

"It's not like that was fucking obvious." He slouched further down in the front seat of his Camaro. To Billy, all hope was lost. If he couldn't get Hopper to give him his blessing, he was sure he'd lose his goddamned mind.

Y/n frowned. Her frown flipped around as an idea popped into her head, her lips finding Billy's knuckles and quirking his attention. "Even if he never likes you, I'm not going anywhere."

Billy laughed softly, "he'll fucking kill me if you go against him."

"Eh, that's only if he can catch us."

"You're out of your fucking mind, Y/n Hopper."

"I know."

The rest of the night was spent in the Camaro, of course, doing one of Billy's favorite pastimes. By the time the sun rose, Billy was sneaking a kiss to a giggling Y/n before dropping from her window in the cabin and running to his car, parked far enough that Hop or El wouldn't notice. He blew her one more kiss, which she pretended to catch, then he broke into a sprint.

Maybe, he thought, just maybe; there was still a chance.

His knuckles hit the door again, shifting on his feet nervously. It swung open to reveal Hopper, an unimpressed look bringing no surprise Billy's way. It was quite expected, honestly.

"What." His tone made it clear he wasn't up for fucking around.

"Mr. Hopper, if you just give me one chance to prove to you that-"

"No, no, no, no, no. Let me make it very clear to you that I want you to have nothing to do with my daughter whatsoever. No marriage, no friendship, I don't even approve of you guys fucking or whatever-"

"We're in a serious relationship, sir. It's nothing like you think it is."

This made Hop laugh. He continued to do so, holding his stomach, until he realized Billy was unamused. "Oh, you're serious?... My answer is still no, Hargrove. My answer will always be no. Go find someone else's daughter's heart to break. You're not hurting mine."

"It's not like-"

Before he could even get the words out, he was met with a door in his face. Turned down, again.

Can I have your daughter for the rest of my life? Say yes, say yes, 'cause I need to know. You say I'll never get your blessing "till the day I die, tough luck my friend, 'cause the answer's still no!"

Why you gotta be so rude? Don't you know I'm human too? Why you gotta be so rude? I'm gonna marry her anyway. Marry that girl, marry her anyway! Marry that girl, yeah, no matter what you say! Marry that girl, and we'll be a family! Why you gotta be so rude, rude?

Again, again, and again, Billy incessantly pleaded with Hopper. Different tactics were all met with the same answer; rejection.

He held up a sign outside the cabin, only for Hopper to close the curtain and chuckle as he sipped his coffee.

He asked at the door again, only for Hop to threaten to give him a black eye (which was met with "aren't you the sheriff? Isn't that illegal?").

He raced past the police station, Max leaning out the window with another sign, only for Hop to threaten them with holding cells.

He even went as far as to ask Max and El to help, but Hopper had none of that, and sent Max home with a rant full of nos.

However, if Jim Hopper thought any of it would get it into Billy's head that getting his blessing was just not happening- he was as wrong as Nancy when she claimed not to have feelings for Jonathan.

Billy had another plan in mind, and this one was impossible to say no to.

Can I have your daughter for the rest of my life? Say yes, say yes, 'cause I need to know. You say I'll never get your blessing "till the day I die, tough luck my friend- but no still means no!"

"Hopper." Billy stood before his desk, interrupting his nice date with a delicious doughnut, and earning a very annoyed glare. "I got Miss Byer's blessing. Aren't you two a thing?"

"You son of a-"

"I got Eleven's too."

"Hargrove, I'm gonna-"

"Before you cuss me out, I think you should know that I've got a stable job, an interview with a mechanic so I have a job when the pool closes for the winter, and I've got a house on the market I'm looking at. I'm devoted to your daughter and she's devoted to me. You may not like me, but I think you're a great dad, better than the one I was unfortunately stuck with. You raised a strong and amazing woman. She's incredible and I admit, she deserves better than me-"

"You don't have to say that twice." Hopper huffed, crossing his arms.

"I know she deserves so much better than me, I'm surprised she's even with me too. But she loves me, and I think you can see that. I love her too. I would never, in a million years, break her heart."

Jim stayed silent for a few minutes. The silence brought uneasiness to Billy, but that was intentional on Hopper's behalf. He finally piped up with a cough, clearing his throat, before his piercing eyes met Billy's blue orbs.

"I'll hold you to that, Hargrove."

Why you gotta be so rude? Don't you know I'm human too? Why you gotta be so rude? I'm gonna marry her anyway. Marry that girl, marry her anyway! Marry that girl, yeah, no matter what you say! Marry that girl, and we'll be a family! Why you gotta be so rude? Why you gotta be so rude?

Bonus:

(after the wedding)

"What was that about a no?" Billy quipped with his infamous smirk.

"You're lucky I'm sheriff, Hargrove."

Why you gotta be so rude?

[syllvane]

touch- kaz brekker x reader

a/n: something new! still working on marvel stuff/muscle memory but wanted to try my hand at something new!

If you could have chosen to fall in love with anyone, Kaz Brekker would’ve been one of your last choices, if not your last.

Unfortunately, you don’t get to choose who you fall in love with- maybe if you could, you would’ve chosen someone actually capable of loving you back, someone like Jesper or Matthias, anyone other than Kaz ‘Dirtyhands’ Brekker, who seemingly couldn’t even stand being in the same room as you for longer than ten seconds.

“Do you have a moment?” A voice from the doorway asked.

Speak of the devil and he will appear.

You turned around to face Kaz, your neutral look faltering as you took in the extent of his injuries.

His hair was darker, stained by the blood that was coming from the wounds on his head and his face. Although the rest of him was clothed, you didn’t see any bloodstains on his clothes or any other signs that he was bleeding.

“Sit,” You ordered him and he hesitated for a moment before taking a seat on the kitchen chair closest to him, wincing almost imperceptibly as he sat down.

You kneeled down slightly so that you were eye-level with him, looking everywhere but his eyes. “What-”

“I don’t keep you on this crew to ask questions,” He snapped and you recoiled slightly- right.

You took a deep breath and as if it was the simplest thing in the world, you moved your hand over his face, just barely touching his hair as you healed the wounds that he had sustained.

Just to be safe, you did the same motion over his torso.

Without even really thinking about it, you grabbed one of the rags and started cleaning the dried blood from his face.

Kaz let out a breath.

“What are you doing?” He asked, sounding as if he was restraining himself.

You paused before pulling away quickly, turning away and gripping the kitchen sink with your hands.

“I didn’t… I’m so sorry, Kaz.”

He stood up, but he didn’t move or say anything for a couple of seconds.

Without another word, he left, closing the door behind him.

You let out a breath that you didn’t know that you had been holding, still gripping the sink, chiding yourself for being so stupid for forgetting one of the first rules that you learned, working with the Dregs.

You don’t touch Kaz Brekker.

                                                             —

If Kaz didn’t care about you so deeply, he would have commended the Black Tips, the group who had the bright idea to shoot you- they were smart enough to realize that they would never get close enough to kidnap you, so the next best thing would be killing you, not that they had succeeded at that either.

Although the damage had been enough to keep you unconscious for the better part of a week, you would survive and you would continue healing the Dregs.

Unfortunately, they couldn’t have been able to anticipate the storm and fury that Kaz Brekker intended to bring onto them because of that decision.

He knew that a part of it was illogical- by going through with his plan and reacting with a disproportionate amount of force, he was essentially advertising to the entire Barrel that you were his biggest weakness.

On the other hand, he wanted to see the people who had shot you suffer- more than that, he wanted to see them squirm as they realized that they had made a mistake and that they were going to pay dearly for it.

“Are you sure that you don’t want me to come with? It might be useful to-” Nina started and Kaz sat up from where he had been sitting beside your bed.

“You’re more useful making sure she stays alive. We aren’t arguing over this,” He said, giving your arm a quick pat before turning to walk out.

“Kaz?” You mumbled, beginning to stir slightly, your hand reaching outwards slightly as if trying to grab his.

He turned back around, though he didn’t rush back over to your side- thankfully, he had more self-control than that.

“I have to handle something,” He said casually as if he wasn’t about to go murder the better half of the Black Tips for daring to hurt you. “Go back to sleep.”

He turned around again and continued walking towards the door.

“Stay,” You said, your voice hoarse. “Stay, please.”

He stopped in his tracks and for a brief moment, he considered staying. He wondered what Nina would say if he did, what you would say if he did.

“I’ll be back,” He replied, forcing himself to continue moving. You were still delirious, you probably wouldn’t even remember that you had asked him to stay in the first place. You definitely would not remember his refusal.

Still, he found walking away from you difficult, if only because he wanted to remain with you during your brief bout of consciousness.

But the truth of the matter was that Kaz had never been good at softness. What could he do for you if he remained by your side? Talk to you, comfort you? That’s what Nina was for.

Kaz would never be the one doing that, no, he would be the one slitting someone’s throat, making them pay for what they had done to you.

He was infinitely more comfortable with killing than with caring for someone, infinitely more comfortable with holding a blade than holding your hand and the way he saw it, everyone was better off that way.

…

Right?

                                                               —

For the entire week after you had woken back up, Kaz couldn’t stand to be in the same room as you, much less look at you.

“He’s probably disappointed that I survived. Was probably ready to promote you to being a full-time Healer,” You joked with Nina as the two of you walked through the streets of Ketterdam, although behind the humor, there was the fear that you were right.

Nina didn’t say anything, didn’t even muster up a smile at your joke. You nudged her, pulling her back from wherever she had gone.

“What is it?”

“Nothing. I… nothing.”

“Nina. You’re a terrible liar,” You told her, narrowing your eyes slightly and she glanced over at you.

“When you were still out of it, he was visiting you,” She started slowly, choosing her words carefully. “He was visiting you and he had to go and you… asked for him to stay.”

You took this information in, feeling the heat rise to your cheeks.

“Oh. I mean I probably wasn’t talking about him specifically, right?”

“You mentioned him by name.”

Oh.

“You really should’ve just shot me then and there, Nina,” You said, only half-joking.

“It wasn’t that bad,” She replied quietly.

“He can’t even look at me. He…  Saints, I can’t even imagine what he must think of me.”

“Maybe that’s just who you’re in love with. Maybe you’re in love with someone who beats the crap out of the people who hurt you instead of staying with you. Maybe that’s the best comfort that he can provide, that the people who did this to you are no longer alive,” Nina offered.

“Yeah, but maybe just one time I’d like him to stay. But that’s not who he is.”

You will heal his injuries and he will kill for you but neither of you will ever express your love in a way that isn’t rooted in violence.

[blzzrdstryr]

Alone together

Yandere!Dainsleif x gn!reader

Wordcount: 2011

CW: Yandere themes, stalking, possessive behavior, PTSD

Khaenri’ah burns. Skies turn red, as tall pillars of smoke arise in the place of ruined towers. People cry and beg and scream.

“Ah, [First] , you came to help” Lisa greets you, waking up from her half-slumbering state: “Welcome, welcome. I already made some tea for you, just let me”. The librarian stretches and yawns akin to a cat, after she stands up from the counter, flashing you one of her charming smiles afterwards: “Go and fetch it. We will work after the tea”.

Something in her voice leaves no room for argument, so you sit at the offered table, eyes immediately shifting to the nearby window, mostly out of habit. Skies are blue and clear, buildings are whole and steady, people are laughing and cheering outside. It’s a sight that brings you heartache and comfort at the same time - no one should be subjected to what you had to live through, whether they worship the seven or not.

“And here it is”, the witch says, holding a tray with a steaming teapot, cups and a plate of cupcakes resting on top of it. The next fifteen minutes are spent drinking and carelessly chatting about everything and nothing in particular: Lisa is an excellent company, adept at maintaining the conversation interesting and atmosphere comfortable, her wide array of knowledge and keen intellect keeping you on your toes throughout the exchange despite the advantage of experience you happen to possess.

The brief tea party is then followed by the shared work of deciphering ancient documents, the librarian sometimes turns to you asking for the meaning of one word or another - most of the texts are written in Khaenri’ahn or archaic forms of the modern languages.

She doesn’t pry why you happen to possess such intrinsic knowledge on the long dead language, nor does she ask anything about your star-shaped pupils - she must have seen the descendants of your compatriots, then. You know there live at least two - one with tan skin and a warm smile that never reaches his cold eyes and a blonde youth with the powers of khemia rolling under his palms. There’s no courage to approach them.

You in turn share Khaenri’ah’s greatest legacy - knowledge and science that helped your nation to outpace the deities and turn them against you. It’s a nice feeling - making sure that the thing your people cherished the most will not be forgotten, even if it’s given to archon worshippers. Five centuries ago the thought of educating Teyvatians would be laughable to you - there’s no use in it, they will continue to believe in their gods - you would dismiss it, but now nationless you have no choice but to do it - it’s the only way to keep the products of your people alive. To keep the memory of your people alive.

Khaenri’ah burns. You run across the collapsing city, eyes growing wider as you see people slowly morphing into something. It’s bestial and feral, primitive. Your breath hitches, you want to scream.

“[First]?”, it’s Lisa again, she lightly taps your shoulder, a hint of concern creeps into her voice

“Ah? Everything is fine, I just zoned off” you reply, too quickly and too strained to be believable. Who could have known that even after five hundred years the flashbacks of what happened on that day will still haunt you? They trail your thoughts like determined hounds, sneaking up on you in the most inopportune times. One moment you are talking to someone, the second you relive the fall of Khaenri’ah. The memory feels too real to be a fantasy, leaving your thoughts messy, anxious and disordered, as you shake and try to calm yourself.

“Are you sure?”, she stands up from her seat and makes a couple of quick steps to you, taking a good look at your face: you must look horrible, you think, those episodes always leave you panting and on the verge of panic.

“Maybe we should continue tomorrow, there’s no use in haste, it’s not like our documents will run away”, Lisa continues, massaging circles into your shoulder - her hand is warm and comforting, grounding. You want to thank her for this - the understanding tone and the way she caresses you right now, helping you to keep the link with reality, but the words get stuck in your throat - it’s too much and too scary, to admit what just has happened not only to her, but to yourself too.

“Yes”, you finally force out of yourself, nodding along the way: “it would be for the better”. Your voice is still too tense and strained, filled with the grief for the people and places long past, but Lisa, to your relief, doesn’t point out any of it. You quickly gather your belongings and leave the library, almost forgetting to bid a farewell to the witch as you exit.

The sun begins to set as you make your way to the rented house, it’s small and nondescript, a complete opposite of the one you had in Liyue. You used to work as a scholar in the harbor before He found you again - you fled your spacious and cozy apartments in less than a day, leaving almost all of your possessions behind.

The thoughts of what had happened still buzz in your mind - you want to scream and cry, you want to vent to someone, but the words you will utter will be in pure khaenri’ahn they won’t understand you.

You think of finally approaching that star-eyed cavalry captain, Kaeya, maybe he saw what you witnessed too. You think of Albedo, who carries the same energy all khaenri’ahn constructs do. You want to ask him about his creator, you want to talk with him about Khemia. You think of Barbatos who wears the form of the cheerful bard, you want to accuse and scream and hit him.

You do nothing as the power leaves your body the same second - it’s scary, so scary to verbalize that, to talk and share and relive, and approaching any of those three means doing exactly so.

You stay inside instead, calming your beating heart and kicking out intrusive thoughts, and only when your pulse returns to the norm you allow yourself to finally stand up. The world is shaky and unreliable, but some things stay the same. Your room for example - you have a habit of leaving things in specific places, as a way to keep you grounded. There’s a comfort in familiarity - the one you desperately need.

Your eyes shift from one object to the other, until they stumble across something that sends your heart racing again. The cup you use is shifted by a couple of inches, facing you by the opposite side, there’s a flower and a note lying beside it. The words are in khaenri’ahn, the handwriting is familiar too.

Khaenri’ah burns. Your lungs do too from the sheer overexertion and fatigue, but you keep pushing further and further - you can’t give up yet, not when He needs you. A name forms on your lips.

Thousand of thoughts form in your mind, they’re panicked, fast and disjointed - flee again, cut and dye your hair, change the name too - you can start over in Inazuma again, it’s a closed country, so if you will manage to get in, it will be harder for him to track you again.

Who are you kidding?

Unlike you, he has a core of steel, an unwavering determination to settle things his way or die trying - be it opposing Celestia or gaining you. It was always like that, with the Twilight sword being stubborn to a fault - he never budged or surrendered, not when Khaenri’ah was still proudly standing, and not now, when there’s nothing but the charred remains of your homeland.

You met him when you got accepted into the Royal order, where a Konungr paired you with Him. The twilight sword was unrelenting in his pursuits even then, a trait that you both admired and feared in equal volume. The collapse of your nation only worsened this quality - if back then he was striving to supervise and oversee everything, then the tragedy exacerbated his controlling tendencies even further.

You were travelling together for the first fifty years after the fall, both affected by the same curse, as he started getting possessive. It began in innocuous things: asking where you were, what you were doing, you didn’t pay much attention back then, celestial wrath still fresh in your memory - he was just cautious you told yourself, it’s a safety measure.

But then these safety measures grew from simply inquiring about your day to accompanying you almost everywhere, and then it all culminated in Him locking you up, to keep you away from leaving.

You escaped then, and avoided him ever since, departing your residence the second you caught the wind of his possible proximity. Years turned into decades that later morphed into centuries, and you began to grow lax - he was getting closer and closer to you with each turn. The first time you had a suspicion of him being near you packed your things the same second and spent countless days traversing the land by hidden passageways, careful not to leave any traces, and now, now you still sit in your house, despite having evidence of him knowing where you are.

Maybe you grew tired of the cat and mouse game, maybe you just accepted that your recapture is inevitable and all your little escapes do nothing, but set it off for a couple of months, or maybe you’re just that lonely. It doesn’t matter, really, as you make no attempt to do anything - it’s useless, he already knows your location.

Khaenri’ah burns. You cry and you hate yourself - for weakness, for helplessness, for still being alive and sane. He stays near you as a silent shadow, his blue eyes shifting from your crying face to the wreckage of the city. There are no words shared between you that day - you’re crushed and empty, yet bare and aching at the same time.

“Dainsleif”, you greet him, once you hear the squeak of the opening door. He doesn’t look that different from five hundred years ago, but now his eyes are both more tired and alive with fervent light.

“[First]”, he simply replies, your name rolling off his tongue like a prayer - there’s adoration and worship in his tone. He almost falls to his knees, as he takes your hands in his, capturing them in a steel trap.

“[First], I finally have you, [first]”, he murmurs, bringing your palm to his face. You don’t resist him, knowing it’s futile. His skin feels just like all those years ago - rough and dry, weathered down by the demanding lifestyle he leads. He gives a shy peck to your inner wrist, blue eyes intently watching you as he does so.

“Long time no see, Dain”, you start, trying to diffuse the tension in the air, as he grabs you by the chin and forces you into a kiss. He kisses with the desperation of a dying person, one of his hands firmly holding your head, the other starts to explore your body. It feels obscene. You are lightheaded, when he finally parts and hugs you again, still chanting “[First]” over and over again.

You allow him this liberty too, feeling a prick of pity in your heart. You know what it is - to be the sole survivor, too see your own people crumble and fall and transform. You know that he returns to that place again and again, reliving the same moment against his will. You know that he gasps and shivers when the memories get too real and overwhelming.

You both are children of the fallen nation, and there's no person in the world who could understand you better than he does. Maybe, you shouldn't have run, you think, listening to Dainsleif speak in Khaenri’ahn. There's a chain of connection between you two, it's unbreakable, forged in shared losses, tears and pain.

Khaenri’ah burns. It burns in both of you.

[mirkwoodshewolf]

Panther Princess; T’Challa x child reader

*Author’s note*

Well this was a LONG time in the making, not only cause of motivation and time schedule wise but I wanted to make sure I GOT THIS FIC RIGHT since this is my first time writing for T'Challa since Chadwick's death last year (MAY HE RIP OUR KING!!!). Hope you guys enjoy this, and I’ve decided that after a few Wattpad requests I’ll open requests up here on Tumblr but there will be some MAJOR adjustments to what fandoms I’ll do. For now just be patient with me and eventually I will open requests here on Tumblr, I just don’t want to be overwhelmed.

Warnings: Malnourishment. abuse, terrorists involved (no action but just the word), some fluff.

Taglist:

@plethora-of-things

@waddles03

@psychosupernatural

@ixchel-9275

@soy-guey

@queen-paladin

@jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels

______________________________________________________________

It was in the dead of night when T’Challa received word about some smugglers were traveling with some stolen Vibranium, and word has it that they were working for Klaue.  Even though he had been dead, Klaue’s business was still running and forging deals with terrorists groups and anti-government parties.

Him and Okoye were flying over towards the drop-off point where the dealers were gonna be exchanging their latest steal of Vibranium.

“The dealers that Klaus’ second Lt. Rosko Lannister is selling the Vibranium to come from an Iranian terrorist group.”

“As usual we will let them make their business transaction before taking any further action. After dealing with the terrorist group and Lannister is ours, he will be put under the same crimes as we would’ve given Klaue.” T’Challa told Okoye.  She nodded as the jet continued to fly towards their destination.

It was just before sunset when at an old, abandoned warehouse Rosko Lannister and some of Klaue’s old men waited for their clients to arrive.  Soon enough driving in the black SUV’s and Honda trucks, the Iranian terrorist group came out of their cars.  Most of them were soldiers holding their AK-47’s close to their chest while out of the head van, 3 men dressed in full 3 piece suits exited the car.

They looked exactly alike for these three men were actually brothers.  Two of them were twins and the other was a year younger than his older twin brothers. Hasim, Sami, and Achmed Israeli were the three leaders of the biggest terrorist group in the world.  There was even record shown that they made deals with HYDRA back in the day.  Mostly smuggled weapons and potential serums for super soldiers.

After the fall back in 2014 when both SHIELD and HYDRA were exposed, the brothers decided to go underground and disappear under the radar.  The US and European governments have been trying to find them ever since but they are too clever and can easily cover their tracks both physically and wirelessly.

“The Israeli brothers. I can’t tell you how honored I am to be doing business with you.” Rosko praised.

“We didn’t come for praises. We came for the Vibranium. Do you have it?” the oldest twin brother Sami demanded.

“Getting down to business. That was one thing my former associate Klaue always appreciated. God rest his soul.” Rosko kissed his finger before raising them upward. “Nah I’m just kidding he was an arsehole, I’m actually glad he’s dead.” He changed his tune.

“The Vibranium. Do you have it or not!?” demanded the younger twin Hasim.

“Patience Hasim. Let the white man talk.” Sami eased his brother.  Rosko turned to one of his guys and nodded.  His left hand man let out a whistle and soon two men come carrying in a large box that was filled with the stolen Vibranium that Klaue had stowed away for himself.

The men set it down before the brothers and Achmed opened the case up to reveal the Vibranium they were looking for.  A small smirk came across Sami’s face and he said.

“Excellent. The most powerful material in the universe.”

“It did come at personal cost from Klaue, better him than me. It’s worth billions. Hope you also kept your end of the deal. This transaction is only fair if both parties agree.” Hasim smirked cunningly and turned to his general.

He nodded and exclaimed in Muslim and before Rosko even knew it. Every single one of his men was shot dead by the Israeli brother’s soldiers, leaving only him alive.

Every gun was now turned on him and Rosko had no choice but to raise his hands slowly.

“True. But when dealing with terrorists you should’ve also realized that there is a price to pay. Especially if you’ve been followed.” Sami said. At this point Rosko was confused.

“What-what-what are you talking about?”

“I’ve been in this game for a long time Mr. Lannister, I’ve seen everything and heard it all. Superheroes, aliens, psychotic androids, even real life wizards. So don’t think for a second that your actions hasn’t risen suspicion to the one who rules the very place where you got this Vibranium from.” Sami closed the case and patted it before his brother Achmed took it and had it put in the truck.

“King T’Challa has no idea of this Vibranium that was stashed away. He’s recovered the traces of Vibranium that Klaue kept public. There’s no way he could know about this.”

“Clearly Klaue had a better game face than you Mr. Lannister. For he wouldn’t have revealed such an important fact to me.” At that moment Rosko knew he had been played by the brothers.  Before he knew it, a bullet went straight into his head and he died right there.

“Surround the area. We don’t leave till the King is dead.” Ordered Achmed to his security team.  The soldiers exclaimed Arabic commands as they surrounded the warehouse with their guns outward and ready to fire.

One guard in particular heard something move behind him and he quickly turned and fired three shots but didn’t hit anything but some old crates.  His paranoia was getting the best of him and that’s what gave him away.  He was suddenly grabbed by the back of his robes and lifted up and beaten till he collapsed to the floor unconscious.

2 more guards heard what was going on and went to check on their fallen soldier when a flash of a figure ran behind them. They quickly turned and fired their guns when suddenly T’Challa came down behind them, quickly disarmed them and knocked them unconscious.

As more of the brother’s security came in and they open fired on T’Challa, he merely walked towards the security before sprinting forward and disarming the rest of them.  His claws tearing their guns apart, and using his quick ‘cat-like’ agility, he managed to take down the entire fleet.

“Israeli brothers!” he cried out.  It was then Sami came out and T’Challa revealed his face to the eldest brother.

“King T’Challa. I must say it is an honor to be in your presence.” Sami mocked.

“Did you really believe we would be unaware of this trade?”

“On the contrary, I expected this all along. It was that witless white monkey Rosko who didn’t expect to see you. But never fear, he’s out of both of our hands.” Sami said nonchalantly as he looked down at his nails.  

“If you surrender the stolen Vibranium to me, we can resolve this peacefully. But refuse, and you’ll face justice of Wakanda in Rosko Lannister’s stand. You and your brothers.”

“See my brothers and I made a pact. If we can’t escape the system, we’d be—how you say, judge jury and executioner to ourselves. And rather than rot in a cell separated, we shall join together in a blaze of glory. And we’re not afraid to take you with us, suffering the same fate as your own father did.” Sami raised his arms out like he was flying and waiting for a fiery explosion to happen.

But nothing came.

He opened his eyes to reveal that nothing had happened.  It was then coming into the open space were Ayo and Okoye who had Sami’s younger brothers. Both men were bruised and battered up pretty badly.  The two Dora Milaje members dropped his brothers down at his feet like trash and T’Challa said.

“I told you. This could’ve been resolved peacefully. But you forced our hand, especially when you had planned to blow up the place with all of us inside.” Sami growled but nonetheless raised his hands in surrender.

As the Dora Milaje were detaining the three brothers, T’Challa retrieved the stolen Vibranium when he heard something nearby.  It sounded like chains, they had defeated all of the security, Rosko and his men were all shot by the Israeli brother’s defense, and the brothers were all detained so who else was here?

“My King?” Okoye asked.

“Stay here Okoye, I want to check something out.” He told his general of the Dora Milaje.

“My king, it could be another threat we do not yet know about. Let me come with you.”

“I’m not defenseless Okoye. Now you and Ayo just put the men on the ship and let me handle this. It could be some animal or the chains fell down off of something.” Okoye nodded to her king and soon T’Challa headed deeper into the warehouse.

As he explored every bit of it, he soon noticed that there appeared to be a hidden door within the walls that was very faintly cracked open.  He opened the door and could hear the sound of the chains getting louder and louder.

It was almost like they were—pacing? They kept a constant rhythm as they would move about, in a circle pattern or something close to it.  T’Challa slowly walked towards the direction of the chains and soon found what appeared to be a cage.  A glass cage but it was inside that surprised the Wakandan King.

Inside the glass was a child.  She appeared to be around the ages of 8-11 years old. Her hair was extremely long and madded like a lion’s mane.  She looked malnourished so much so that you could almost see her bones.  But for being malnourished, how could she have the energy to pace so frantically like she was now?  He also noticed that there around her neck, wrists and ankles were chains keeping her inside.

T’Challa slowly walked out of the shadows and into the light where the child would be able to see him.  She stopped her pacing and just stared at him curiously. T’Challa disengaged his full Black Panther suit so that he was in his normal clothes.

“I am not here to hurt you.” He gently told the child.  The child slightly tilted their head like a lost puppy.  “My name is T’Challa, what’s yours?” T’Challa slowly and slowly got closer and closer to her cage as he spoke in that soft voice of his.  When she didn’t answer him he assured you, “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I just want to be sure you’re okay.”

Suddenly in the blink of an eye, her (e/c) soon turned to a deep cat eye yellow.  Her body shifted into a fairly young but still decent size panther and she lashed out at the cage, knocking T’Challa off his feet in slight fear.  The child now standing before him as a full panther clawed and roared at the cage furiously.

“My King!” Ayo’s voice spoke in Xhosa and soon her and Okoye came in and when they saw the panther, they lifted up their spears in defense.

“Stand down!” T’Challa commanded them.

“But my king—this animal is feral. It was going to kill you.” Okoye reasoned with him but T’Challa told her.

“She is a human child. She shifted into this panther before my eyes. Look.” Soon enough the panther shrunk down and soon turned back into the young girl who was still pacing back and forth in her cage.

“What sorcery is this?” asked Ayo.

“Not magic. Science. Look closer at her arms.” T’Challa said.  At the section of the arm on the other side of the elbow, they noticed dozens of needle injection scars.

“This child was experimented on.” Okoye said grimly with a horrified expression.

“What do we do my King?” asked Ayo.  T’Challa looked at the child who was growling and trying to act scary even though she was no longer a panther anymore.

“We take her to Shuri. Maybe she can shed more light on the matter. Get her to the ship. But approach her cautiously. Don’t make any sudden movements.” Ayo and Okoye bowed their heads to their king and walked towards the cage.

The girl would hit her skeletal body up against the cage trying to rattle it and actually roared out a panther’s real roar, her teeth slowly growing into the large infamous canines of a real big cat. Okoye and Ayo then placed a hover bead on each end of the cage and soon the cage levitated just a few feet off the ground.

The little girl roared and began clawing at the glass but it hardly did anything as she was now being guided towards the ship.

When they reached Wakanda after dealing with the brothers, Shuri in her lab was going over the girl’s intel scan that she made of the girl from her cage with her kimoyo beads.

“So what is it you can find Shuri?” T’Challa said as he entered his sister’s lab.

“This may come as a surprise to you brother. But—she has no birth record at all. I’ve contacted some of my people in various places around the world to see if there has been any missing child and all of them have said no. My theory is that she may have been created from a test tube to look like this.”

“Any idea who could’ve made her?”

“The same organization that made the White Wolf into the Winter Soldier.”

“Hydra.” T’Challa said gravely.  Shuri nodded.

“I hacked into their old files and it only confirms my theory. Seems like they wanted to create their own Cat-god or something.”

“Any records on what her powers are? She can shift into a panther but can she also shift into anything else?”

“I’m still digging through the files, there’s a lot of files that came to creating her. It’ll take time brother.” T’Challa nodded in understandment.

“Keep me updated.”

“Yes brother.” T’Challa walked away but he turned back towards the young girl and saw that she had briefly stopped her pacing to look at him once again.

A week later after finding the child, Shuri managed to dig up that HYDRA’s plan for the Child was for her to become their Agent Battle Cat.  The ability to shift into a panther.  She also has enhanced agility, speed, and strength.

However when HYDRA fell back in 2014, they were forced to abandon the project and she had been left alone in that warehouse ever since.  Thinking about the enhancing experiments she must’ve been forced to endure or whatever genes they gave her, it allowed her to survive even being chained up in a cage for years on end until she felt like she needed to give up.

While being kept under his sister’s supervision, T’Challa also made it apparent to try and communicate with the Child, just to see if she could either understand or (in a rare case) speak in any language.  The first time he had tried to talk to her well—let’s just say she ended up with broken nails and chipped teeth after trying to take a bite of T’Challa’s forearm when he activated his suit to protect his arm from her attack.

He had finally finished his royal civic duties for the day when he decided to try and talk to the Child again.

“You sure it’s a good idea brother? You did cause her to lose her nails and chipped some of her teeth.”

“I learned my lesson last time. But you weren’t there before that happened. She had actually dropped her guard and almost looked like she wanted to communicate with me. I think I’m getting through to her.”

“Okay brother. But if she attacks you again, I doubt that’ll sit well with Mother as well as Okoye and Ayo.”

“I will handle mama and the Dora Milaje. For now see to it that no one disturbs us.” Shuri nodded and told her workers to go home for now, leaving T’Challa and the Child alone.

T’Challa slowly approached her cage to see her lying down on her side licking her broken nails.  Some of them had broken off by the top, while the rest had the entire nail broken leaving a bloody mess in it’s wake.  She was currently licking her blood stained fingertips when she caught T’Challa’s scent.

She growled and hissed angrily at him, her canine fangs extended out and her eyes shifted into the cold, yellow panther eyes.

“Steady, steady. I’m not here to hurt you.” T’Challa sat down a few feet away from the cage and continued, “I am sorry for what happened to you. I was only protecting myself from getting hurt. It was my fault for overstepping my boundaries.” Her hissing ceased and she closed her mouth hiding her fangs but she would occasionally growl lowly, her tail coming out and twitching anxiously.

They sat there in silence for a couple of minutes when T’Challa said to her.

“You know, I’ve been thinking of a name for you. You know something to call you. I’m betting the men who created you never really gave you a real human name. What do you think about—Ariana?” the Child hissed. T’Challa chuckled, “Didn’t think so. Shuri said you might like it but now I can prove to her that I was right. Now for the real options, what about…….Nala?” the child tilted her head confused.  “No? What about…..Diana?” she looked down and went back to licking her fingertips. “That won’t really help them heal. Sure it’ll clot the blood but it’s not that good for saliva to heal a wound like that.”

She looked up at T’Challa and growled lowly.

“I’m just trying to help. We have the medicine that’ll help you. I won’t lie it might sting for a brief second but it’ll help. Will you trust me with healing you, please?” the child looked between him and her fingers before slowly extending her arms out and she briefly nodded.

T’Challa then got some antiseptic and band-aids. He opened up a small section of the cage, just enough for her arms to come out.

“Thank you for your trust.” He then began to doctor her fingertips.  She let out some painful roars on the stubbed fingertips that no longer had a nail anymore but at least this time she didn’t try to attack him like last time.  He soothed her with calming phrases like ‘it’s okay. It’s won’t last long.’ And ‘Just relax, it’s almost over.’ After bandaging up her left pinkie finger he told her, “There, I’m done (Y/n).”

At hearing that name, she looked up at T’Challa curiously.  Her tail perked up and the tip curled inward.  T’Challa looked at her to see her tail fall limp to the cage floor. “(Y/n)?” her tail lifted up again and her head tilted curiously.  “So you like that name eh?” She looked at T’Challa and her nose twitched as she was trying to sniff him through the glass.

Taking a risk, he slowly reached his hand into the cage once more like before.  However this time he kept his hand in a downward position, so that his hand formed the shape of another cat’s nose.  The Child slowly crept towards his hand and gave it a sniff, when she saw that he wasn’t moving his hand, she rubbed her head against his hand for a brief second before nuzzling underneath his palm so that it sat on top of her head.

He gently began scratching her scalp which caused her to let out soft comforting purrs.  T’Challa smiled warmly and continued to gently give the child—well (Y/n) some more scritches and pets.

“Don’t you worry (Y/n). I promise I won’t allow anyone else to harm you in any shape or form.”

The next couple of months after getting her body weight back to normal and healing any other wounds she had maintained, T’Challa allowed (Y/n) to venture outside the palace with him.  Thinking the city itself was too much for her right now, he decided to take her out to the Border tribe so that she could see the outside world for the first time in her life.

Needless to say she was overwhelmed but she was happy to feel the grass beneath her feet, see the beautiful landscape, and hear all the sounds of the outside world from the animal calls to some of the Border tribe members talking with each other.

“Seems she’s getting along well.” Okoye observed (Y/n) who was cautiously watching the rhinos from their pins.

“Slowly but surely she is. Walking on two feet is still a bit of a challenge but she’ll get there eventually.” T’Challa told her.

“At least she’s learned to not attack you.”

“It was one time Okoye, be nice.”

“As your General it is my duty—”

“I understand your duty General. But you must also know that there will be times you can’t protect me. And this attack was very minor compared to the fights I’ve been in before.” It was then T’Challa saw (Y/n) now focusing her attention on some birds that had just landed a few feet away from the rhino pins.  Her panther instincts kicked in as she got into pouncing position, her pupils were fully blown and her shoulder blades flexed over one another as her butt raised higher and higher in the air.

Finally she raced forward and the birds immediately took off flying.  She leaped well over 7ft in the air and managed to capture a bird in her claws and delivered a fatal bite.  She then raced over to T’Challa and presented him the dead bird.

She placed it on the ground before his feet and backed away before tilting her head with a happy smile on her face.

“Seems she has a gift for you my King.” Okoye said. T’Challa grimaced at the gift but he quickly smiled down at her and knelt down in front of her.

“I appreciate the gift (Y/n). But—we cannot keep this bird kept within a cage. Like how I freed you, we must also allow this bird to move onto the next life.” He dug into the earth for a small shallow grave, just big enough for the bird and he placed the bird into the makeshift grave.  He buried it under the earth and he sent a brief prayer to Bast in Wakandan. “Right, now let’s head back to the palace. I have a meeting with M’Baku about reforging our alliance and allowing the Jabari tribe into the council.”

Okoye and T’Challa walked ahead when they heard something behind them.  At first they thought it was one of the goats but it sounded to hoarse to be one of them. They slowly turned around and saw (Y/n) with a hand over the grave of the bird and she was saying.

“Ba……Ba.”

“Is she……?” Okoye started.

“Ba.” (Y/n) was trying to talk!  She was trying to say the Cat goddess Bast’s name.  She managed to get out the first constant and vowel but she couldn’t figure out how to do her S and T.

“Her first time talking. She’s trying to say Bast’s name.” T’Challa knelt down and he asked her, “(Y/n), are you trying to give a prayer to Bast?”

“Ba!” she exclaimed again.  T’Challa was overjoyed on the inside that the girl he had decided to take under his wing and raise was finally trying to talk.  Many of the tutors he and Shuri had growing up had given up saying that she was incapable of speaking because all she did was just hiss and growl as well as throw things at them before laughing like a deranged hyena.

“Here I’ll help you say her name.” he adjusted himself so that he sat down and he placed his hand right next to hers and he said slowly so that she could see how his lips did it. “Say Bast.”

“Ba.”

“Bast.”

“Ba.” T’Challa shook his head.

“Watch me carefully. Bast.” He enunciated the t at the end.  (Y/n) growled lowly before taking a deep inhale and finally exclaiming.

“BAST!”

“Yes. Yes that’s it! You did it (Y/n) great job!” at seeing T’Challa’s excitement, (Y/n) began to repeat Bast’s name gleefully as she pranced around.

“A little cocky there isn’t she?” Okoye muttered.

“Let her have this moment Okoye. Besides probably hunting and killing, this is her first real big achievement. A normal milestone.”

“I suppose so.” She agreed.  Even though she might not have wanted to admit it, she thought it was adorable how little (Y/n) was finally able to speak a human language and become so happy with herself that she would prance around like a yearling antelope.

Over the next couple of years, (Y/n) continued to not only advance in her human speaking skills, but she now began to show signs of aging.  She went from that small child to now almost a young adult woman in just 2 years since finding her.  Seemed with the animal enhancement, it also increased her human aging with each time she grew stronger and tougher.

T’Challa continued to raise her as his own and pretty soon all of Wakanda looked at her as their young Princess.  Shuri loved hanging out with (Y/n) and teaching her everything there was to know about science and technology.  She even took her as an apprentice in her lab.  Okoye eventually came around and soon saw (Y/n) as a member of the royal family and took it upon herself to train her like a Dora Milaje so that she could defend herself without the need of her animal powers.

For she was the Panther Princess.

[aro-is-gay-af]

The Midnight of Despair | Volturi Kings x fem!reader | Part 3

I reckon, that if you’re reading Part 3, then you know two previous ones. In case you didn’t read them yet: Part 1 | Part 2

Thank you for all warm words and praise! It means world to me. 

I also love this series, folks! I need to admit, I did get addicted to it a little, so I thought it’d be great to set updates schedule. It won’t be precise, but you can expect another part roughly in two weeks time from now. 

As per usual, sorry for any confusion and grammatical mistakes. 

Warnings: Rape (mentioned), Depression, PTSD, Forced Pregnancy, Blood

Word count: 6200

No summary this time. Also, this one has very sweet parts in it!!!

ENJOY!

The next day, you had your appointment with the doctor. A doctor was apparently a woman and you were sure the kings were paying her something extra for the visit to be immediate. Unfortunately, she didn’t know any English, as she was a local gynaecologist. Your mates didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable in any way, so before the visit, Aro asked you, who you’d like to be the translator for you.

The ideal situation would be a woman, but you didn’t trust anyone in the castle, except the kings. For this reason, your first shot was Aro, as he had already seen your memories. There was nothing that would shock him, you also didn’t need to hide anything from him and you knew, he was the best at dealing with others. You figured it’d be an ideal solution and you had to admit to yourself that you simply wanted him to accompany you.

The whole visit took place in your room, which meant a lot of carrying the necessary equipment, but more mental comfort for you. In those two days, you managed to get quite settled in and didn't want to leave the castle. You felt safe and secured in your suite. Kings seemed to notice that, as it was Marcus, who proposed, it would be a great idea to have an appointment without the need of leaving your room.

While you both were waiting for the doctor to come, it was the first time you had seen Aro with brown eyes. He looked really out of place. You shared this thought with him, by saying you prefer when his eyes are normal. That’s what it took. Two days, to consider red eyes normal. As usual, he was polite and revealed to you that he also hated the colour, let alone the lenses.

When the doctor finally arrived, you were already a nervous wreck. Aro tried to distract you, asking questions mainly about your house in Forks and whether you had already spoken to Bella about family heirlooms. He succeeded for a while, but it couldn't last forever, could it?

The lady was extremely kind and gentle. The truth was, it was hard to hide how stressed you were about this visit. You didn't want anyone to touch you, not when you weren't ready, and this time you definitely weren't. Despite the doctor's initial efforts, you were unable to shake her hand in greeting. She only smiled sadly, as if understanding perfectly what you were going through. Aro assured you beforehand, for he had not told her anything and only if you wanted to, you should share your trauma with her.

The doctor, seeing your nervousness, decided that you should talk first. While she asked you questions, you noticed that she chose her words carefully and only then did you realise that she was also stressed, but in her case it was probably Aro's presence that made her uncomfortable. Although Aro tried not to impose his presence on her, you understood why it might overwhelm the doctor. You felt confident being in the same room with Aro, while she probably sensed danger, even if she could not rationally explain it to herself. You promised yourself that you would try to learn at least the basics of Italian before the next visit.

She needed to ask you about exactly everything since, unfortunately, you didn't have any medical records with you - neither from the obduction, nor from the subsequent visit to the doctor, where you confirmed the pregnancy. You made a mental note to tell Bella about it, so she could send your documents, along with the things she was supposed to take from your house.

Aro was great in his translator role. Of course, you were still looking at the doctor, while answering the questions, but Aro’s voice, at least, soothed your shattered nerves just a little bit. When the questions started to get more complicated or more intimate, Aro used such words as to not make you feel uncomfortable, while still conveying the meaning.  The more difficult part started, when you had to describe the situation from the hospital and how long it took for the bleeding to stop. Every word seemed linked to a particular image or smell from that night, until finally, you were unable to say anything at all.

The doctor was very understanding, probably having already guessed what exactly was your weird behaviour all about. You didn't say anything directly, you only described the situation from the hospital and then told her the details of this strange bleeding after the rape. Mainly because the doctor was very concerned about it. She explained to you that it was definitely not normal, even if you had wounds inside.

The worst part, however, was the examination. You didn't even want to think about whether you would have to undress, but it turned out to be unnecessary. The doctor had a great intuition, even if she herself was under a bit of stress. You told her that, indeed, you had been to the check-up before and that was how you found out you were pregnant. And that the doctor then checked if all the wounds had healed. The lady didn’t discuss the issue, for which you were very grateful.

After the interview, the doctor told you to lie down on the bed and only pull your blouse up, high enough for your belly to be visible. You didn't feel comfortable with this, but you preferred this way to undressing from the waist down. This was the first time you didn't feel comfortable lying on that bed. You knew that once the visit was over, everything would return to normal, but it wasn’t meant to become a memory you would return to with pleasure.

As it turned out, your first trimester was long over. The pregnancy was about 14 weeks old and that would explain the slight curving of your belly. Before the appointment, you were not sure if you would even look at the monitor to see the baby, but you did. You could not deny yourself this. The room fell silent and you could not tell what you were feeling.

The doctor pulled out some kind of a strange device and after a moment, you could hear the baby's heart. You glanced in the direction of Aro, who was obviously alarmed by your face. You grimaced, too overwhelmed to say anything to him. Up until this point, you were sure that the decision, if you should terminate the pregnancy or not, would be fairly easy. Now, you were certain that nothing in your life could be simple enough.

 *

 Over the next few weeks, your day usually looked the same or similar, yet you managed to do something completely different every day. You were glad you had so much to do, because you didn't have time to think about what had happened. You didn't want to analyse it over and over again. The kings respected your choice - unless you yourself mentioned the traumatic events, not a single insinuation or implication about it fell from their lips.

Your days were filled with various activities. Every day you spent at least some time with each king in private - you knew you needed this to create and strengthen your bond. To keep you from being inundated with information, you learned something new from each of them about vampires and their lifestyle. After all, it was supposed to become your lifestyle in the nearest future. You discovered that thinking about your transformation caused you far less anxiety, than any memory associated with rape. Even after you learned that it more or less consisted of burning alive for a few days.

During your time with the kings, you tried not to show the insecurity you had acquired about your body, and yet, you were sure they knew anyway. However, the time spent with them was what you treasured most. With each of them you did something different, as you wanted to know what they like to do in their free time. Marcus, as he had promised on the first day, taught you Italian for two hours every day. It was not easy, but after a few weeks of intensive course and communicating in broken Italian, not only with Marcus, but also with the other two, you were able to maintain basic conversation.

Marcus was a great teacher, but that wasn’t the only reason why you loved spending time with him. He was the one who had the most time for you - he wasn't as busy as Aro or Caius, and besides, he had countless amounts of patience. He wasn't tired of your constant questions, not only about vampirism, but also about his past. You would often sit for hours in the library or in the gardens, which, by the way, were breathtaking. You both loved books and your only regret was that you weren't able to read most of their vast collection. Marcus assured you, you would have all eternity to do so. You could talk with him endlessly, as these conversations were truly effortless – even the most difficult topics seemed simple and uncomplicated.

You were surprised to learn about a gift of his. Your human mind was unable to comprehend it in the full sense of the word. Mostly because of this, he was the one to explain to you, what your bond even was and how exactly it worked. You have learned that after your transformation, you will feel the bond even more strongly. It is not often that one person has as many as three matches and is able to feel the bond while being human. Marcus explained to you that for now, both your mind and body are only subconsciously sensing the presence of the mates, as it’s impossible for human senses to do anything else.

It was so remarkable to you that you discussed it for hours. You also learned that the bond can be broken, as it is not forced in any way. However, this would be emotionally painful and very few vampires would choose to take such a desperate step.

One afternoon you were spending time in the garden again. You loved being outdoors, but for your own safety you did not go outside the castle grounds. Together, you decided that it would be safer to do only after your transformation. Besides, you didn't want to go anywhere. You were safe under the watchful eye of your mates and Renata, who, apart from the time spent with the kings and in your room, followed you in a constant manner.

The gardens were gorgeous and you wondered, who was taking care of all those magnificent flowers. You were strongly convinced that this was exactly what Eden might have looked like. You and Marcus had your favourite bench. You spent a lot of time outside, especially on sunny days. When you first found out why sitting in the sun might be a problem, you couldn't take your eyes off Marcus. He shimmered brilliantly, but your eyesight couldn't stand it for too long, because of the blinding effect. The gardens, however, were fenced off and inaccessible to the common passer-by, so you were safe to stay, as long as you wanted to.

“I asked Aro recently, if vampires can be killed in some way,” you began cautiously, not wanting to scare him away from this conversation. No one had talked to you about it, however, it still crossed your mind what state Marcus was in when you first saw him. You were willing to swear you looked exactly the same after your mother died. Now, knowing what all the mating bond was about, you were convinced that Marcus had lost someone dear to his heart.

As per usual, he smiled gently at you.

“I'm sure his answer was sufficient, my dear. What are you aiming at?” he asked, looking at you obliquely.

You took his hand in yours. With Marcus, physical contact was as easy as a conversation. He, however, never initiated any touch. He waited for you, just like he was waiting now, to reach for his hand or gently grasp his arm. The only movement he allowed himself was to stroke your hair every now and then, but only when he was absolutely sure you were willing.

“I wanted to ask what happens to the bond, when the vampire…is no longer here,” you said bluntly, not taking your eyes off him. Your understanding was unique. Marcus was gentle in manner, patient and extremely caring towards you. In no way did you want to ruin, what you had built over those few weeks.

His smile turned into one of the saddest you've seen on his face. By the time he answered, you regretted asking at all. You didn't want to cause him pain. You squeezed his fingers in your palm.

“Until you came to Volterra, I was sure that a vampire could only experience this special, unique bond once in a lifetime. I did experience it, yet this story does not have a happy ending,” he said, with utmost sadness in his voice.

Your heart ached, as you watched his suffering and grief. You had asked the question unnecessarily, but now there was no turning back. You continued to stroke his fingers, holding his hand securely in yours.

“When one of the vampires connected by mating bond dies, it does not mean that the bond disappears. It exists, but only on one side. It cannot be cherished, it cannot be repaired in any way. It isn’t reciprocated. What remains are the memories, and they are the only reminder of what the bond really meant, when it existed,” he explained in a distressed voice, slowly and carefully.

Holding his hand, you laid your head on his shoulder and sighed heavily.

“I'm so sorry this happened to you,” you whispered after a moment, feeling tears stinging under your eyelids. Even now, you couldn't imagine losing any of them and you couldn't possibly envision the amount of pain Marcus had gone through.

He embraced you carefully and gently hugged you to his side.

"Don't fret over it, cara. I've made my peace with it. However, that doesn't mean I've forgotten. I still miss her, after all these years," he said with longing in his voice, stroking your shoulder gently.

After a long moment of silence, you were in a genuinely poor condition. Tears dripped down your cheeks and your breathing quickened. Not only because of the pain Marcus must have gone through, but also because of your own yearning. You had come to terms with the death of your parents, but you missed them so much. You wanted to have them at least a little longer. Now, standing on the verge of immortality, you wished you had spent more time with them.

Marcus placed a kiss on your hair.

“Sob it out, dear. Nothing helps the soul more than honest tears,” he whispered, and you were ashamed, because you should be the one providing comfort for him. However, the memories were too fresh and you couldn't hold it back.

Once you had calmed down a bit, he handed you a handkerchief to wipe away your tears.

“I wish I could change my memories. Even if it was only for a brief moment to be able to forget that I will never see them again. To be able to forget what this…this monster did to me,” you whispered, snuggling tighter into his shoulder.

You heard his sigh and his embrace around your shoulder tightened.

“You have been terribly abused, cara. No one deserves such a fate. The most important thing now, is to get on with life. Our loved ones would not want us to dwell on their deaths,” he said, as wise and thoughtful, as ever. The hatred towards your abuser was palpable in Marcus’s voice.

“You are so good to me. I don't deserve this,” you whispered after a while, your voice swollen with emotion. He only smiled indulgently.

“You deserve the very best, dear. I've already lost one mate. I won't let anyone hurt you.”

“I’m sure she would be proud of you,” you said with compassion, after another moment of silence.

“I’m not quite certain about that,” he said, placing another kiss on the top of your head.

But you were sure. You were also sure, you would do anything to prevent Marcus from experiencing something like this again. You knew all too well the taste of grief.

 *

 You truly had little time to think about the rape and pregnancy at all. If you weren’t with Marcus, it was Caius who loved to kidnap you, so he could spent some private time with you. Caius was the complete opposite of Marcus – absolute chaos, you could say. You had no idea how the brothers even got along. You had already noticed that Marcus rarely spoke, while Caius was rather impulsive and liked to discuss things in detail. However, until you started spending time alone, you had no idea what he was really passionate about.

It turned out that his greatest passion was art. He would show you countless paintings he himself had painted throughout the centuries. He could talk for hours about types of paint and how to mix colours properly. Although you were not very good at painting, you tried to learn a little with Caius’ help. When he was alone with you, he was still abrupt and impulsive, but in a charming way. He never imposed himself on you and you discovered that annoying him was really great fun. So banter and frequent teasing were the order of the day.

You often spent afternoons and evenings with Caius. He taught you how to paint, but not only. Art history was his passion and you loved to listen to him tell stories. His voice was mesmerising and hypnotic. He also eagerly answered all your questions about vampire race. You listened about the horrible children of the moon and how Caius singlehandedly had almost slaughtered them all. He warned you that after the transformation you would be violent and impulsive, that you would have nothing on your mind but to satisfy your thirst. This frightened you slightly, but at times when things got weird or dangerous, Caius assured you that you would always have full support of your mates. You never doubted that. You knew they would help you to grow accustomed to your new life.

Caius loved every variety of art you could name. When he asked you for permission to sculpt you, you were so surprised that you made a strange sound. He said that, of course, he wasn't going to overstep your boundaries and you yourself would choose some beautiful casual attire, so he could portray your beauty in sculpture. All you had to do was dress once as he asked and stand in the right pose. He remembered every detail of your posture, including your facial expressions. Often, he would sculpt you, while you would talk about insignificant things also learning how to sculpt...well, things that didn't resemble anything. Yet, you wanted to be as good as he was.

You were in your nineteenth week, when he invited you for a long painting session. His studio was huge and consisted of nothing but breathtaking works of art. You were decorating some random sculpture that you had never seen before. Caius also loved contemporary art, so you could go wild. Taking classes with him was better, than any therapy. You could smear paint on everything - the canvas, the sculptures, yourself, and even him, because he was usually in a good mood and you could enjoy it. He never showed you even a trace of anger, and you, fooling around with him like that, were genuinely pleased and happy.

When you finished, the room looked rather bad, not to mention the clothes or your hair. Caius would never have appeared that way to the guards, let alone on trial, but with you it was different.

“I wanted to show you something,” he said, wiping the paint off your cheek.

You took his hand. Caius, like Marcus, did not invade your personal zone, unless you specifically gave permission. However, carnality and touch were important to him, and so, once you were more comfortable in his presence, he liked to show you affection by stroking your cheek or your back, and intertwining his fingers with yours, when you held hands. You didn't mind his cold skin – by now you were accustomed to it, as three of them had similar body temperature. You were the hottest here. Literally.

You walked slowly to another room.

“I didn't tell you, but I finished craving” he said, and you could hear the excitement in his voice. You smiled at him. That was the main reason why you had agreed to have yourself sculpted in the first place. You wanted to get close to him on a level, which was inaccessible to do in any other way.

“Before you show me, will you tell me as to where you even got the idea of carving me?” you asked, amused. Caius was much taller than you, you had to slightly lift your head to look him straight in the eye.

At first, he smiled archly, but immediately his smile softened. He pulled at the material that covered the sculpture, so that it fell to the floor. You were simply speechless. The woman, who stood opposite to you was over four metres tall. The sculpture was made of marble and the woman looked, as if she was an actual person. There was something elusive about her. Her face, thoughtful yet serene, her hair flowing freely over her shoulders onto her back. She was clad in a fine fabric that flowed in waves down to her bare feet. She looked nothing like you and yet, you two looked exactly alike.

You had no idea that you started crying. The woman was beautiful. You could feel the power and dignity emanating from her, and on the other hand, she seemed to you as if... fragile and ephemeral. Caius had captured in this sculpture all the feelings you had been feeling, without even knowing it.

You felt his hand on your cheek, his fingers gently wiping away your tears along with some paint, which remained on your face.

“I thought I would like you to see yourself through my eyes. Exactly as I see you – without a single flaw, yet with all your imperfections. I don't want you to be unable to look at yourself, because of what this animal did to you. I don't see it. I only see you, [Y/N]. The real you. Beautiful and fragile, yet powerful, without inhibitions or scruples. Capable of anything.”

The words were trapped in your throat. You wanted to say something, but you were sure, that as soon as you were going to open your mouth, uncontrollable sob would come out. You looked first at Caius, then at the woman carved in marble, then back at Caius. He only smiled gently.

“Who we are – we decide that ourselves. No one else does. To me, you are beautiful. Pure. Never think otherwise, dolcezza.”

Without warning, you hugged him so hard, that it hurt. You forgot that his skin was different from yours. He embraced you without hesitation, even though you were all covered in paint. You wept, cuddling into his chest, as he soothingly stroked your hair and back.

Once you had slightly calmed down, you looked up at him. His blond hair looked like a halo over his head. He amazed you in every sense of the word.

“Thank you. Thank you for letting me see this,” you whispered poignantly, and then went straight back to hugging him.

“There's nothing to thank you for, my lovely [Y/N]. I would like you to accept yourself as you are. Because you are truly magnificent.”

 *

 The only person you talked straightforward about pregnancy was Aro. Was it because of his gift? Most likely, and you simply felt you could trust him. From the moment you first found yourself in his arms, the bond between you two only strengthened. Also, a memorable visit from the doctor was also significant, and then, together with him, you went through the documents that Bella had sent you. To say he was furious, was an understatement. Yes, Aro saw your memories, but the reports were written from a third-person perspective. And the other evening was really awful – you couldn't stop crying because you couldn't block out the flow of memories.

You were close with each other; close enough for you to try to overcome your insecurities, to talk about how you really felt about this whole situation you found yourself in. It was far from easy, but Aro was a really patient specimen. In the course of these talks, you discussed practically everything. You knew that every scenario had to be worked out and discussed, because there were many different options of the outcome.

Despite many conversations, you were still unsure about keeping the baby. You didn't know if you wanted to, if you would be able to raise it and then tell it that it would forcibly have to become a vampire. After the doctor's appointment, things did not get any easier for you. You heard the heart and knew that the child was not to blame for its father’s actions. You were raped, but this child had nothing to do with it.

So you waited. You waited for a miracle to decide for you or for the baby to move when you were thinking of having it removed. It’d be a sign not to do it. However, nothing of the sort was happening and fate was not deciding for you. Aro convinced you that, even if you decided to have an abortion, there was nothing wrong about it. No one would blame you for it. The only person to blame here, was the monster who raped you.

You hadn't decided what you would do about the pregnancy, but you and Aro knew what would happen, if something went wrong. For your mates, it was your health and life that came first. Aro assured you of that a thousand times over. Because of this, if anything went wrong with the birth or if there were any complications, you were to be changed immediately. Also because of this, Aro talked to you about all aspects of your transformation. He was the one who introduced you to what transformation actually looks like. He didn't scare you with the pain you were about to go through, but only gave you the facts. Facts that you needed to know.

When you weren't talking about such serious matters, Aro also loved to spend time talking to you, but about different topics. He seemed to know all your thoughts, but you were still able to surprise him. He explained to you, that the human mind was more disordered and chaotic, than vampire one and that he certainly didn't see everything. Your brain chose the memories, often associated with strong feelings and emotions, which were meant to be remembered. You were joyful about this, because you could talk endlessly and he kept finding out something new about you. And you kept finding something new about him. You knew from the first moment that he was extraordinary, and the more you talked, the more you became certain about it.

Besides, Aro adored dancing. You were not convinced about this form of activity, but it was the intimacy of this act that convinced you. In his arms, no one was able to hurt you. You felt safe and, after many attempts, quite confident in your movements. He literally beamed, being able to teach you to dance and to be so close to you. You found nothing in his eyes but the infinite adoration he had for you. When you found out the reason behind this, your heart almost broke with sorrow and compassion.

“I must confess something to you, cara mia,” he whispered, holding you securely in his arms. It was evening, you had long since been prepared for sleep. He found your long nightgown to his liking, when he came to check how you were doing and if you needed anything. You rested your head on his shoulder. There was no music, he was the one giving the rhythm to your movements, yet it was the most wonderful dance you had yet had the chance to dance with him.

“Do tell, please,” you said, trying not to lose the rhythm. You were tired, as throughout the day you sorted through the things Bella sent you from Forks. In addition, you worked with Marcus to sell your house, because you were, after all, a little concerned about what hands your family home would pass into.

“I have been bound over the centuries to both men and women. My ex-wife, Sulpicia, whom you know and, to the best of my knowledge, whom I permitted to leave, was my faithful companion, basically from the beginning of my immortality. However, until now, I did not know what it meant to have a true mate.”

He tilted you gently, wishing to look into your eyes. You continued to sway to a non-existent rhythm, completely oblivious to your surroundings. You furrowed your brows.

“Are you serious?” you asked in a whisper, not wanting to ruin the moment. The light emanating from the candles, illuminated half of his face. He smiled, and you were unable to take your eyes off his red irises.

“Yes, my dear. I have waited over three thousand years for you. I must tell you, that I could wait another three millennia, only to see your beautiful face,” he said affectionately, holding you tighter against him to stroke your flushed cheek with his fingers.

Your eyes welled up with tears and he slowly bent down and kissed your forehead.

“That's enough for today, cara mia. You must rest well. Caius has something planned for tomorrow, but he didn't want to reveal what, under any circumstances,” he said amused, giggling under his breath. You loved when Aro was in a good mood, because then you were in a good mood too. Before he walked you to bed, he wiped away your tear. You squeezed his hand in yours, then climbed onto the bed. He covered you carefully with a duvet and stroked your hair.

“I'm glad I came here,” you whispered, looking into his eyes. “I never want to leave you,” you said with force. He smiled softly at you and stroked your hair once more.

“We will always be by your side, [Y/N]. Good night, cara.”

His voice so soft and tuneful that as soon as he snuffed out the candles, you drifted off to sleep in an instant.

 *

 Apart from the fact that almost everything was going great and your mental state was in constant improvement, your relationship with Bella had severely worsened. In the beginning you talked every evening. She still couldn't understand why you were selling the house and why you wouldn't, at least, want to visit Forks. After a while, you got fed up with explaining it to her. There were an awful lot of things she wasn't happy about and she didn't hide it. She kept criticising the Volturi without knowing them and having no idea, what they were actually doing.

You loved her like a sister, but because of that, she could annoy you exactly like one. Because of her pinching remarks and your lack of patience, you called each other less and less. You didn't want to keep getting annoyed and you were tired of explaining things to her. Besides, you didn't like that she didn't say a single good word about your mates. You at least tried to accept Edward. Suddenly, what he did to her was all forgotten and you couldn't understand it. You didn't know, what was happening to your sister and your stay in Italy didn’t exactly make things better. You still hoped that once you saw each other after the transformation, you would be able to explain it all to one another. You didn't want to lose Bella, the last person you considered family.

So you talked less and less or not at all, and when you did, you avoided difficult and sensitive topics. It was not like with Bella at all and it made you anxious. You were at ease with each other, almost always, and you didn’t get why she was so bitter and hateful towards your knew, chosen life. Especially, because partially your presence right then, in the trial chamber, was the reason for her to be alive at all.

Shortly after Caius presented you with your sculpted self, you were to spend the whole day together, the four of you. These were the days you loved the most. Although you cherished the time spent with each of your mates separately, the presence of all three put you in an ecstatic mood. You usually spent your afternoons like this – there were still a lot of things to do and solve, and a lot of trials to carry out.

Being in Volterra for so long, you learned a lot about the existing laws and how to enforce them. You knew that kings were not flawless, but it was logical to you that keeping the entire vampire world in line, required some sacrifices. Some greater than the other ones.

You usually sat down in the study, where you had ended the very first day, at a round table. You listened to the discussions and arguments, but also just spent time with your mates. You often sat on Aro's lap or tried to calm Caius down, when he became too agitated.

You were extremely excited since the morning, because they promised you a whole day outside. It wasn't often that all three of them wanted to spend time with you in the gardens, so you couldn't restrain your exhilaration. However, there were also days, or rather moments, when, under any circumstances, you could not leave your room. Such a moment was to occur today, after breakfast. You slept for a long time, almost until eleven o'clock. When you ate your breakfast, it was Renata who informed you that it was time to eat. Of course, you knew what it was about.

The only situation, in which you could not leave your chamber, was at lunchtime. Not yours, though, but the lunchtime of all the vampires, who inhabited the castle. For your own safety, usually for about two hours, you were not to leave and to occupy yourself with whatever you wanted. The only two hours, in which Renata or anyone else was not around you. Not many people knew about your stay in the castle and because of this, the kings decided that Renata should eat with the rest of the company.

You did not consider it strange in the slightest. Of course, you tried not to think about the fact that people would die, but you knew that they were chosen at random. Which meant that they could just as well have been run over by a car or they could have died in a fire. You did not think about it. You were just enjoying your two hours of freedom. Sometimes you sunbathed on the balcony, prepared your outfit or just played on the computer. These were little things that still reminded you of being human.

This week, when Renata told you that she would be gone for a while, you were already enjoying a long soak in the bathtub. The home spa was one of the favourite things you and your mum liked to do together. You poured hot water into the tub, applied a mask that you had prepared yourself with a few ingredients and relaxed.

Since you had no idea when, you were no longer afraid to look in the mirror. Sure, your body shape was far from ideal, but at least you weren’t terrified to look. You weren’t terrified to acknowledge that, yes, your body was raped, but you were recovering from it. And that you started to think that your body didn’t cause any of this.

After some time you spent in the bathtub, you felt a little dizzy. It wasn’t exactly a good sign, so you figured it’d be wise to get out of the tub. When you rinsed yourself off with clean water, you stood up, and that was the moment of terror. The room immediately started spinning, like you were on roundabout for the last forty minutes. You felt nauseous, but there was nothing near you to which you could cling to. You managed to step out of the tub, on the marble step, and then you felt it. Pain, excruciating pain, suffocation. Streams of blood went down your legs and before you fell onto the ground, you could only see white marble floor all covered in sanguineous blood.