#but seeing my Doctor run around the Tardis had me weeping | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

discoscoob · 3 years ago

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Reset | Loki x Female Reader

Loki (Marvel) x Doctor Who

Loki and the Doctor answer a distress call, while Donna explains the reason for Loki’s sudden cruelty towards you.

Part Thirteen | Part Fifteen | Chapter Index

Words: 5.7k

Warnings: death and angst

Read on AO3

Loki and the Doctor returned to the TARDIS in solemn silence, as he suspected, Loki didn’t find you in the control room, he knew you would be hiding deep within the TARDIS by now and that Donna was likely trying to find you. He was certainly it would be a few days, at least, before he would see you again, before he had to see the pain on your face and know he was the one who was responsible for it.

You would resent him now and Loki didn’t even know if you would give him an opportunity to explain, but even if you did, how could you ever trust him again after the things he said to you? Loki felt hopeless, the only silver lining was the fact you were still alive and he reminded himself that he did the right thing.

“Loki, I’m sorry.” The Doctor sensitively approached him, “it was the only way-”

“Yeah,” Loki cut him off and the Doctor could tell he didn’t wish to talk about it, or about anything for that matter, so he let himself fall silent as he focused on piloting his ship.

Loki, who usually stood with proud posture and walked with confidence in each step, hung his head, slumped his shoulders, with them curved forward slightly, and dragged his feet as he began to make his way out of the control room to find somewhere to wallow in self pity, but the TARDIS had other ideas.

The lights of the control room switched to a dangerous red, that told you immediately something was wrong, but if that wasn’t enough, a repetitive bleeping echoed through the room. Loki suddenly became alert as he turned on the spot and looked back at the Doctor who was already working furiously at the ships console.

“What is that?” Loki demanded to know as he joined the Doctor’s side by the console.

“A distress call.” The Doctor answered while he squinted at the monitor, instead of putting on his reading glasses.

Loki’s interest spiked, he realised a distraction might be exactly what he needed to keep his mind from running over the cruel things he had said to you as you wept at his feet.

“Are you answering it?” Loki asked.

“Of course,” The Doctor nodded, as if that should’ve been obvious before he glanced up at Loki. “Wanna come along?”

“I have nothing better to do.” Loki nonchalantly shrugged.

“Buckle up.” The Doctor told him as he slammed down the handbrake.

***

You were lying on the floor of the dome observatory, curled up between the scattered cushions and blankets Loki had conjured for the makeshift bed you would often share whenever the pair of you came here. The more time the pair of you had spent together here, the more it felt like the space belonged to the both of you, it had always been peaceful here and you were never disturbed. It seemed natural to you that this was the first place you decided to come to seek safety and comfort.

Loki’s scent still lingered upon the soft furnishings which surrounded you like a nest, you couldn’t tell if you found it comforting or if it made your stomach churn with nausea, perhaps a bit of both. You hugged one of the cushions close to your chest and snuggled your body tightly around it as you unashamedly let your sobs rack through your body, which caused your back and shoulders to shake from the uncontrollable cries.

Your tears were cooling as they dripped from your jaw and travelled down the line of your neck, soaking the bedding around you, but you didn’t care. You were in agony, it genuinely felt as though your heart had been torn apart from the inside out and it was left bleeding in your chest just as rapidly as the tears flowed from your eyes, which were red and puffy by now. A dull headache had begun to form at your temples, from the toll your continuous weeping had taken on your body and your eyelids were becoming heavier as you welcomed sleep with open arms, but you didn’t get the chance.

You reduced your sobs to quiet sniffles when you heard the sealed door slide open before sliding back shut. Your eyes widened immediately and your weak and damaged heart nervously quickened it’s beat as for just a moment you had thought it was Loki who had come to see you. You weren’t sure if you were more glad or disheartened when you heard their footsteps and instantly recognised them as your aunties.

You gulped before you attempted to speak, hoping your crying and the tightness of your throat hadn’t put too much of a strain on your voice.

“If you have come to say ‘I told you so’ you can leave.” You croakily told her, without even bothering to turn around.

“Quite the opposite, actually.” Donna softly explained as she welcomed herself to sit down beside you.

You wanted to ask what she meant by that, but you didn’t have the energy, so you stared off at the breathtaking sight before you, despite the fact that all the stars and colours blurred together from the moisture that gathered in your eyes and slightly impaired your vision, hoping that she would elaborate without prompting.

“What a gorgeous view.” Donna observed instead, “I never even knew this part of the TARDIS existed.”

“Loki showed it to me.” You quietly told her, your voice was tired and saying his name caused your heart to clench.

“So this is where you two would disappear to when you were avoiding me?” She teased like everything was still normal, which only caused memories to rapidly flash through your mind like quickly flicking through the pages of an old photo album. You couldn’t stop yourself before you were crying again, you curled yourself tighter around the cushion, squashing it between your thighs and the front of your chest as you rested your forehead against the top of your knees and buried your face into the soft cushion, literally turning yourself into a ball. You felt your auntie rest her hand on your shuddering back as she gently began to stroke it in a circular pattern in an attempt to sooth you.

“I came here to tell you I was wrong.” Donna finally admitted, it shocked you so much, it acted like a sudden slap in the face as it immediately interrupted your sobs.

You raised your face from the cushion and lifted your head at an angle that said a pain shooting through your neck, which you ignored, to look at your auntie for the first time since she entered the room.

“About Loki.” She quickly added, as if it needed any clarification.

You ignored the ache in your head as you forced yourself into a sitting position, at first your head spun from how abruptly you moved, so you cradled your forehead in your palm for a moment before you focused your attention back on Donna and narrowed your eyes at her.

“Get out.” You harshly told her as you pointed towards the door, when she failed to move, due to the fact she was stunned motionless by your abrupt change in behaviour, you shoved roughly at her shoulder which caused her to gasp in both shock and pain.

“Haven’t you done enough, already?” You yelled at her, while she recoiled with wide eyes, completely thrown off guard by your outburst. “You think you can trick me again? Manipulate me into forgiving you, just so you can wipe the slate clean and start another twisted game?”

“What?” Donna hesitantly asked, afraid you had lost your mind since you weren’t making any sense.

“Goddammit, Loki, just drop the act!” You demanded with an exhausted sigh and Donna finally realised what you thought was going on as she sympathetically pulled her bows together and leaned back towards you.

Donna recalled how Loki had shifted into his female form at the temple in Pompeii, she hadn’t realised he could shift into other the forms of other people as well, but from your reaction, it didn’t take long for her to figure out that you had thought she was Loki disguised as herself.

“Hun, it’s me. It’s Donna.” She gently told you which caused you to finally pause as she put her hand on your forearm and stroked her thumb back and forth.

She had used the term of endearment which she most often called you and you couldn’t recall a time where which she had used it in front of Loki and he never called you ‘hun’ which made you pause in consideration as you squinted your eyes at your auntie.

“I’m sorry,” you eventually slumped with a sigh, as you brought your fingers up to your forehead to smooth out your crossed brows, the pulsating headache still dully shot through your skull. “I thought you were Loki, he can shift into the forms of other people.” You explained and Donna nodded with understanding.

“It’s okay.” She assured you.

“But... but why are you defending him?” You finally asked, “you’re not exactly his biggest fan.”

Donna tilted her head and pursed her lips to the side, the patience and empathy in her eyes made you feel at ease.

“Do you recall what happened?” She asked you first, to get an idea of your understanding of what had happened, because she knew you were smart and suspected that there must have been something blocking you from making the connection between the monster preying on your faith, specifically your faith in Loki, and him suddenly destroying it.

“The beast had started coming for me...” you drew your brows together as you concentrated on playing the memories back in your mind, “I was frightened and it was attracted by my fear, but Loki was there and I knew he would keep me safe but... I... I was wrong.”

You couldn’t see the confusion that was evident on Donna’s face as you were looking down at your hands which you were fidgeting with on top of your lap.

“Do you remember how the beast was defeated?” She asked you.

“I didn’t see,” you shook your head, “I was too upset. I just... I just assumed the Doctor had figured out how to stop it.”

She wondered how you had managed to get it so wrong, you hadn’t suffered any head injury that might have distorted your memories but then it hit her that something else would have distorted your mind, the beast had been inside it.

She recalled how you had told Loki it was changing you and your thoughts and realised that it must have made you forget that faith was what it fed on, and instead made you believe it was fear, in order to make you cling on tighter to your faith in Loki, despite how hard he was trying to break it.

“Sweetheart, the beast fed on faith,” she reminded you, “it was your faith in Loki that it wanted, he had to destroy it to save your life.” Donna explained to you as she gently brushed some of your hair away from your face, once you had lowered your head in thought.

“He didn’t mean anything he said, I could see how much it broke his heart to say those things to you.” Donna continued, “he really cares about you. It’s genuine and special and I was wrong.”

It was hazy at first but the fog the beast had left in your mind started to clear and your memories slotted back together, you realised how out of the blue it was for Loki to suddenly start being cruel to you and how at the exact moment he completely shattered your heart, the beast was defeated.

The realisation hit you like a slap in the face as you sat up straight and let your jaw fall slack, you suddenly had the urge to find Loki immediately and tell him you understood what he had done and fix everything, but before you could rise to your feet, you felt tremors beneath you as the whole ship began to quiver. The view beyond the dome vanished into array of colourful lights which the TARDIS travelled through like a current, the colours reflected on your face like a rainbow as you watched with wide eyed wonder, until the TARDIS came to an abrupt stop and the dome was plunged into darkness.

***

Loki and the Doctor cautiously stepped out of the TARDIS into the corridor of the space ship, which had given out the distress call, with wide eyes as they vigilantly glanced all around them, since they had no idea what to expect. But apart from some broken wires, which hung loose from the ceiling and occasional spat out sparks of electricity, it was empty and eerily silent. The pair made sure to steer clear of the broken wires as they made their way further down the dark and abandoned corridor, which was littered debris and abandoned belongings, while smoke and dust filled the air around them.

They followed the trail of destruction in silence, both wondering if they were too late, but they soon found out that they weren’t alone.

“Hear me and rejoice.” A voice called from the distance, beckoning them towards it. “You have had the privilege of being saved by the Great Titan.”

Loki abruptly halted in his tracks, the Doctor walked a few steps ahead before he realised he could no longer hear Loki’s footsteps behind him and looked over his shoulder, to find him bracing himself against the wall with a pale and vacant look on his face.

“You may think this is suffering.” the voice continued.

“Loki, are you all right?” The Doctor asked.

“No.” The voice said, “it is salvation.”

Loki blinked rapidly and determination took over his features before he stood straight and looked beyond the Doctor as he continued towards the voice which echoed through the wrecked ship, while the Doctor followed after him, whisper yelling his name along the way.

When Loki reached the centre of the ship, he saw the height of the destruction, the fires, the bodies of his people scattered around the floor as Thanos’ henchmen, Ebony Maw, stepped between them reciting his speech while Thanos himself, stood at the head of the ship, clad in gold armour.

He swallowed heavily at the devastation Thanos had brought upon his people, before he found a shadowed corner to hide in, behind a broken piece of wall as he watched on unnoticed. The Doctor joined his side just as Ebony Maw walked past a man who turned his head into the light, which revealed his features to both Loki and the Doctor.

“Is that you?” The Doctor whispered.

Loki nodded but his lips remained tightly sealed and the Doctor suddenly yanked on his arm, abruptly turning Loki to face him.

“You can’t be here, you can’t go back on your own timeline, the consequences could be catastrophic.” The Doctor warned him with a low tone. “We need to leave.”

“No.” Loki stopped him, “this isn’t my past, it’s not even my future. It... it’s... complicated.”

“Believe me, I know all too well about complicated, wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey stuff. Try me.” The Doctor told him and Loki looked at him with furrowed brows.

“That purple brute other there,” Loki nodded his head towards the mighty titan and the Doctor glanced over and acknowledged him with a nod. “His name is Thanos and he is searching for all six infinity stones. I suspect he succeeds because five years from now, Earths ‘mightiest heroes,’” Loki brought both his hands up to make air quotation marks, which caused the Doctor to pull a face which Loki paid no attention to as he continued. “Go on a mission back in time to gather the infinity stones themselves, in order to reverse his snap which erased half the population of the entire universe. Of course, as you would expect, they messed up because I got my hands on the tesseract and diverged from the timeline, I mean, I didn’t know they needed it to save the universe.”

The Doctor cleared his throat in order to remind Loki that he was also diverging from the original point he was trying to explain.

“The point is, this isn’t my future anymore, not since I broke the original timeline.” Loki finally explained. “I’m a ‘cosmic mistake.’ That is why I shouldn’t exist.” He added to himself, more quietly.

“How do you know all that?” The Doctor asked.

“The TVA showed me.” Loki shrugged.

Suddenly Thor’s cries of pain caused Loki and the Doctor to once again peek over the wall they were hidden behind.

“That’s your brother!” The Doctor instantly recognised him from when he had saw him in the alleyway in New York.

Thanos was holding him down on his knees with his head clenched in his large hand as he held one of the infinity stones against his temple, torturing him.

“All right, stop!” Original Loki yielded and Thanos immediately removed the stone from against Thor’s temple, but still held the top of his head in the palm of his oversized hand.

“We don’t have the tesseract.” Thor said, his voice was exhausted and hoarse and he was panting heavily from the torture which Thanos made him endure. “It was destroyed on Asgard.”

Loki and the Doctor watched with bated breath as original Loki slowly began to raise his arm and a bright light appeared in his palm as he conjured a blue cube and he lowered his head to avoid his brothers gaze.

“You really are the worst brother.” Thor sighed through his heavy breaths.

“I assure you, brother, the sun will shine on us again.” Original Loki told Thor as he stepped towards Thanos and held out the tesseract.

Loki ducked back down and rested his back against the broken wall, the Doctor followed him and observed him as he seemed to be lost in thought.

“Loki...” The Doctor whispered, in an attempt to prompt him to share his thoughts.

“I die here.” Loki simply muttered, without lifting his eyes to the Doctors.

“What?”

“I die here.” Loki repeated, as he finally looked up to the Doctor, “but what if I changed that? What if... what if I took his place?”

“Loki, you can’t.” The Doctor immediately discouraged him.

“What else is there for me?” Loki argued. “I only had one thing worth living for and I broke her heart.”

“And you think dying will fix it?” The Doctor asked Loki, trying to make him see sense.

“No, but maybe he can.” Loki gestured to the Loki who stood beyond the broken wall they crouched behind. “What good am I for her? I am living a life on the run, you said it yourself, that’s not freedom.”

The Doctor recalled saying that to Loki during his first night on the TARDIS when they shared a conversation in the control room. He couldn’t believe how far they had come since. He still believed what he said was true, but now he had grown closer to Loki, it was harder to admit it, while Loki, who had originally disagreed with him, was the one repeating it back to him. They had come full circle.

The Doctor was just about to open his mouth to reply when a large, roaring, green beast came hurtling towards them, Loki quickly dived for cover and pushed the Doctor down with him as he did, just in time for the beast to leap straight over them.

“What the hell was that?!” The Doctor whisper yelled.

Loki didn’t stop to answer before he was climbing off the Doctor and stealthily scrambling through the ship to steal himself away, during the commotion.

Loki fought back against himself when he felt a strong arm slide around his waist and a large hand clamp over his mouth, usually he was able to use his strength and tactics to protect himself in situations like this, however this time he was struggling to get free, due to the fact it was himself he was trying to escape from, he had met his match but Loki hadn’t realised that, since his other self had grabbed him from behind. Once Loki had managed to drag himself over to a secluded corner, he let him out of his hold and the pair of them finally made eye contact.

Original Loki immediately freaked out and conjured a dagger before he shoved Loki into a wall and held it against his throat in the blink of an eye. The Doctor, who had watched the whole thing from where he was hid, quickly scurried over to the identical pair before they killed one another.

“Not quite the reaction I was expecting but, then again, I can’t say I’m surprised.” The Loki with a knife to his throat said as he raised his hands by his sides to show he wasn’t a threat.

“Who are you?” Loki demanded lowly which caused the Loki before him pulled his face back and give him a look.

“Come on, you and I both know you’re smarter than that.” Loki told him, which caused him to squint but he didn’t remove the dagger from below his jaw just yet.

“Loki–” The Doctor tried to interject, but the pair of them sent him an identical deadly glare and he immediately sealed his lips.

“There is no other like me, I am the one and only.” Loki told himself.

“My existence says otherwise.” Loki replied to himself with a shrug, “look, this has been nice but you’re wasting time...”

Before the Loki with the dagger could react, his other self raised his palm to his forehead and transferred all the knowledge he needed, which caused his eyes to roll into the back of his head as the dagger fell from his limp hand and his body became weak from the force of another’s thoughts, experiences and memories invading his mind. Once Loki retracted his hand from his skull, the original Loki dropped to the floor unconscious.

***

You called out for Loki and the Doctor as you and Donna rushed into the control room in search of them, only to find no one was there. The pair of you shared a look before you walked around separate sides of the console to reach the exit, you were the first to push the narrow wooden door of the TARDIS open and you immediately felt unsettled as you were greeted by the sight of the wrecked and abandoned corridor of what appeared to be a space ship, filled with smoke, debris and lose broken wires hanging from the ceiling.

Donna peeked over your shoulder, from where you stood in the doorway, at the carnage before the both of you, and although you couldn’t see it, her face mirrored yours as her features filled with worry and dread.

“What on earth are they doing here?” Donna wondered out loud, as you cautiously stepped forward and she slid out of the TARDIS after you and gently pulled the door shut behind her.

Your wide eyes wandered over every inch of the corridor which you could see and you quietly travelled down it, with your auntie in toe, carefully stepping over the bits of rubble. The pair of you yelped and jumped out of the way when one of the wires you were passing by, spat out some sparks of electricity towards you.

If that didn’t surprise the both of you enough already, the monstrous roar which echoed through the ship surely did as you clung to one another in shock.

“Those nitwits are going to get themselves killed.” Donna fretted as you both ran in the direction of where the roaring came from, unprepared for what might await you, but determined to save the God and the Time Lord from whatever situation they had got themselves in.

The first thing that caught your attention when you finally reached the heart of the ship was the green beast attacking the man you recognised as Thanos and you immediately put your arm out to halt Donna to ensure the both of you remained unnoticed in the shadows.

Your heart had threatened to leap straight out your throat as soon as you laid your eyes on the raisin resembling titan as a million worries raced through your mind at once. Your concern only heightened when you saw the hundreds of bodies that were scattered across the floor, you instantly knew the all lost their lives to the hands of Thanos and you sent a silent prayer that Loki wasn’t one of them as your eyes desperately searched for his familiar face.

“Oh my god,” you tensed when you heard Donna gasp, “that’s Loki’s brother!” She whispered to you as she pointed towards a man, who looked worse for wear, from what you could see, he was the polar opposite of his adoptive brother in appearance, with short blond hair which contrasted Loki’s long black locks.

“Wait- how do you know Loki’s brother?” You whispered back as you began to move further into the room, keeping in the shadows.

“We met him in New York while you were unconscious... did we never mention it?” Donna told you and you shook your head over your shoulder as you gave her a disappointed look that wasn’t too serious.

You quickly shushed Donna, despite the fact she wasn’t speaking, when you heard some hushed voices coming from behind some broken pieces of wall.

“Look, this has been nice but you’re wasting time...” You would recognise that voice anywhere and you immediately rushed towards it.

You were surprised when you saw a replica of Loki collapse to the floor before your Loki, while the Doctor stood beside him. Loki whispered your name as soon as he saw you.

“What are you doing here?” He asked you.

“Looking for you!” You harshly whispered back, he recoiled from your tone as you made your way towards him over all the debris, until you were finally stood in front of him.

“I... I’m sorry, I know what I said to you is unforgivable but please listen to me, you can’t be here. You have to leave.” Loki urgently whispered to you but you shook your head.

“No, Loki, I know why you did it, Donna explained everything.” You assured him as you brought your hand up to his which was limp by his side and he glanced over your shoulder towards your auntie with an unreadable look.

“She did?” He asked with disbelief as his eyes remained on Donna and she offered him a small apologetic smile with a nod. While you took a second to glance down at the Loki on the floor at your feet before you peaked back over the wall towards Thanos, who was beginning to overpower the green beast and your heart sank with realisation as fresh tears began to rise to your already puffy eyes and you grabbed a tight hold of Loki’s shirt as you stepped closer to him.

“Loki, please tell me you’re not about to do what I think you’re about to do.” You whispered lowly to him and the way he avoided your eyes gave you the answer you didn’t want to hear.

“Loki, don’t you dare!” You made your voice sound as assertive as it possibly could but it still trembled due to the lump in your throat, which was making it difficult to breathe, as sheer panic ignited in your racing heart. “Listen to me, if this is because you thought I might be upset or mad at you, I’m not, I promise. I understand why you had to say those things. You were saving me. I know you didn’t mean any of it. You don’t have to do this. Just come back to the TARDIS with me, yeah?” You pleaded with him, but he just kept his head down as his own eyes became misty.

You placed both your hands on the sides of his face to force him to look at you and your heart shattered all over again when you saw the hopeless look on his face.

“You’re better off without me.” Loki told you and you rapidly shook your head but he continued. “I’m on the run, I can’t keep dragging you along with me forever, constantly looking over my shoulder. You deserve a better life than that.”

“I’d follow you forever.” You promised him and he smiled sadly at that as he let out his own sob and brought your hand up to his wet lips to kiss the back of it.

“Take care of him for me, okay.” Loki told you as he nodded to the version of himself that was lying unconscious at your feet.

“I don’t want him, I want you!” You stubbornly told him.

“He is the better version of me.” Loki continued trying to persuade you.

“You’re the best version of you. Loki, I... I love you.” You finally admitted to him.

“What?” Loki choked looking at you in disbelief.

“I love you.” You repeated with more determination, you didn’t care what his response was, you just desperately needed him to know.

Loki stared at you with his mouth agape for a moment, it was as if you were both in your own bubble, completely oblivious to the chaos around you as you both stared into each other’s watery eyes.

“I love you too.” Loki confessed and he could barely finish his sentence before you were crashing your lips into his, the kiss was sloppy and tasted salty as your tears slipped past each other’s lips, but neither of you cared.

“Then please don’t do this.” You begged him once you parted.

“I need to save my brother,” he gestured to Thor, who was now being restrained as debris from the wreckage coiled around his body, “and you need to save him,” he gestured to the Loki at your feet, “I’m not supposed to exist. Everything will be as it should.”

You swallowed hard realising that there was no turning back from this and it became all the more real when with a green shimmer, Loki was suddenly dressed in the same clothes and cape as the unconscious Loki was wearing, even the same marks of dirt appeared on his face and his hair grew a little longer. He was his mirror image. The fact you knew exactly what was going to happen next made it all the more heart wrenching as you threw your arms around his shoulders and held onto him as tight as you could, certain that if you simply refused to let him go, he would give in and come back to the TARDIS with you.

Your shoulders shook with the force of your cries as you hid your face into the crook of Loki’s neck and you felt his arms curl around your waist just as tightly as he buried his face into the crown of your head. You were sure you felt his own chest tremble against yours with his own sobs which left a constricting feeling around your heart.

The Doctor peaked over the wall and watched Thanos add the second infinity stone to his golden gauntlet and he looked back towards the both of you.

“Loki...” He called his attention.

You sniffled as you pulled back from Loki and nudged the tip of your nose against the back of your sleeve. Loki glanced over to where Ebony Maw knelt before Thanos before he looked back at you.

“This isn’t the end for me, it’s just a reset.” Loki assured you. “The Avengers will return to 2012 and I will escape with the tesseract and embark on this journey again.”

“You will be trapped in an infinite loop?”

“I will spend the rest of eternity reliving the happiness moments of my life, with someone I love and who loves me in return.” Loki corrected you and you couldn’t help the smile that broke through your sobs, lighting up your face like the sun peeking through a pair of storm clouds.

“You need to go.” Loki said more solemnly when he realised he was running out of time, he could bare to look at the way your face dropped so he closed his eyes and left a final lingering kiss on your forehead before he wordlessly turned to make his way out of the shadows. You had automatically taken a step forward to follow him but your aunties hand on your shoulder stopped you from going any further.

You felt numb as she encouraged you to move, you allowed her to guide you without any struggling but she was the only reason your legs were moving at all, as you refused to take your eyes off the spot where Loki disappeared.

“If I might interject. If you’re going to Earth, you might want a guide. I do have a bit of experience in that arena.” You heard Loki voice as you kept to the shadows and Donna encouraged you to continue putting one foot in front of the other.

You were grateful for the fact your auntie was guiding you because everything looked smudged and out of focus due to your tears obscuring your vision.

Once you made it back to the TARDIS, Donna held the door open for the Doctor to carry Loki through, you knew he was the same person as your Loki but when you looked at him, it felt like looking at a stranger and you couldn’t help the faint burn of resentment that ignited within you when you looked upon him, knowing your Loki had sacrificed his life to take his place and offer him a second chance.

Without a care for what the Doctor did with Loki, you made a beeline straight through the control room, ignoring Donna as she called after you as you rushed as quickly as you could to your bedroom and locked the door behind you.

You didn’t even manage to make it to your bed before your legs gave way beneath you and you succumbed to your grief as it ripped through your chest and the agony of your loss constricted around your heart like barbed wire.

You sat on your bottom and hugged your arms around your legs, which were bent and pulled flush to your chest, and you buried your face into the top of your knees. As your last moments with your Loki played on a constant loop behind your eyes, until the memories faded into a dream as sleep took over.

#loki #loki x reader #loki x female reader #loki x you #loki imagine #loki marvel #loki series #thor #doctor who #tenth doctor #10th doctor #donna noble #tom hiddelson

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isagrimorie · 4 years ago

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[initial reactions] Doctor Who - Revolution of the Daleks

TLDR: I liked it! But I do have some nitpicks. But bottom line, I liked it! Especially the exit!

Apologies going in, if it’s rambling and incoherent.

First off, I’m going to get my criticisms out of the way:

- They really need to hire these two people:

a) Sensitivity readers

b) They need to have people of color in charge of casting. Andy Pryor has done a great job casting people but. Since they opened up casting more actors of color to be more diverse... most people in guest roles die. So it ends up being Not A Great Look.

It’s the kind of breezy: We’re hiring more actors of color without really considering the optics of it. Colorblind casting in this way shouldn’t be colorblind. More diversity behind the scenes is needed, especially in casting.

Colorblind casting isn’t representation. Execs have to consider how it looks that a black man is helping create ‘Security Drones’ for the government.

c) I get why Jack Robertson lived, and I’m actually okay with it because I know Chibbs is going somewhere and he’s interconnecting Specials to be their own kind of continuity, so next Special or series we will have Robertson appearing. But I can’t believe the Doctor believed Robertson. Unless she’s really learned from not interfering with politics, but man I wish there’s more vindication to that. I do have a sense of where this is going though, more on that later.

d) I wish they’d gone harder with the Dalek = Police thing.

e) I really kind of wish the Doctor escaped on her own.

And now for my thoughts and the happy!

RYAN! I LOVE RYAN. I LOVE RYAN BEING EMOTIONALLY MATURE AND PUSHING BACK ON THE DOCTOR. It felt... earned that they do and, Ryan’s always been the more hesitant of the three and the more grounded. I love that it’s Ryan that the Doctor confided in, I’ve always felt like Ryan was the one Thirteen connected to the most after Grace died. And I love his development, ever since Battle of Ranskoor Av Kolos Ryan is the first to quote the Doctor back to herself from the guns rule and now here to ‘New can be scary’, reminding the Doctor of her own words.

But also, I love that Ryan felt more connected to Earth, with his friends. Yaz was always the one who looks to the horizon. I like that Ryan pushed back on the smokescreen the Doctor tried to put up. Ryan was tired of the smokescreen. He had 10 months to work on his feelings about it and realized... he liked being home.

I wish we saw more what they were doing at home, like what Chibnall wrote for the Ponds in Power of Three. I did see this was his arc he was building to.

I liked that Graham was torn but eventually his loyalties are with Ryan.

I honestly think the fam thought the Doctor was just gone for a week, her time.

Also: FINALLY A COMPANION EXIT WHERE THEY’RE THE ONES WHO WALK AWAY. And because it’s time.

NO MORE TRAPPED IN A PARALLEL UNIVERSE OR DYING OR BEING CONVERTED PLEASE. Anyway, that is why I was vindicated because I was getting pretty antsy at all the twitter posts almost gleeful at the thought of companion death.

Nope. No more please. No more world ending, universe ending, heartbreaking ends. I want a Jo Grant walk away, and that is what happened. (Er, I hope we don’t get a Tegan leaving from Yaz, though. Sad and disillusioned walk away).

Yaz. Oh, dear, Yaz, who seems to have tossed her career away running after the Doctor’s shining star. I loved her conversation with Jack, he was a nice contrast and sounding board. Also, Jack was much kinder to the Doctor because they didn’t miss each other, the Doctor (according to RTD’s retcon) deliberately left Jack on Satellite Five.

Yaz is willing to run and jump without looking because of the Doctor and I love that we got her feelings about this.

And, of course, the Doctor. The moment Ryan said she missed 10 months, I felt she knew the clock was ticking on her ‘fam’. She’s trying to be good to them and do right by them.

(The Doctor knows Ryan’s ready to leave, she knew it. She’s trying to be in denial about it. But she knows).

It’s a small detail but when she processed the ‘ten months’ bit, she quickly looked to Ryan. Because if it’s one of the subtext things around is that she wanted to be a better father to Ryan than his real dad. But she still skipped out on him unknowingly.

The way he just brushed it off, because the worst part is. Ryan is used to it.

It’s sad that the Doctor opening up to the fam was brought on after a decades’ long solitary, and probably a promise to be better. But, she calculated wrong, or the TARDIS deliberately chose to go to that time. Whatever the case, just when she’s opening up to them is when Ryan decided his time with the Doctor was at an end.

God, the moment when Thirteen said: “Mostly... angry.”

I felt this. hard.

I think it was @ssaalexblake who mentioned that Thirteen acknowledging she’s angry might help with all of Thirteen’s repressed anger issues. And I think these are baby steps towards that.

She’s actually been so angry for so long, but she kept pushing it down. Like I said, Thirteen, in a way, reminds me of Raylan Givens of Justified. People think he’s mild mannered, but as his ex-wife amicably opined, Raylan was the angriest man she knew.

And I feel this for this Doctor but at least, now she’s addressing it. The first step in fixing a problem, is identifying the problem.

This was made in 2019. Thirteen being in a repeating lockdown felt very 2020 to me. The things that made me go: Oof, was the Harry Potter thing, the Doctor’s always loved HP. Unfortunately it’s post-2020 hindsight where we go: whoof.

I love Thirteen still mouthing off and being obnoxious towards other Doctor Who baddies. The Weeping Angel thing is cool and so are the Silents. BUT ALSO THE DOCTOR CALLED THE P’TING TINY! AND SHE TRIED TO EAT THE PRISON BARS.

And then, of course, being more obnoxious with the Daleks. It’s pretty clear the difference in rawness of the Doctor’s feelings for the Daleks and the Cybermen. The Daleks’s an old ember. Her feelings for them are ice cold. A purity of feeling. The Daleks are evil and she has no compunction on killing them, the Cybermen? More personal and a raw nerve.

She’s willing to be cold towards the Daleks.

I really like that Yaz has more skin in the game, and she knows what she can lose now. And after her talking with Jack, after seeing his perspective on it, and from his words knows that sometimes the Doctor just disappears from people’s lives.

And I love the pushback:

Skewered.

But true because she is trying to stay still and be with the fam and not leave them. But the unfortunate truth is, the Doctor does run away, and the Doctor does leave people behind and a lot of the times, the Doctor doesn’t come back because they’re an emotional coward.

The thing about Thirteen is she’s probably the longest of the Doctors to not disappoint her companions. She’s always managed to stop bad guys and always been there for them. It’s an impressive track record for the Doctor. She’s built herself up in their eyes as someone they can rely on, and then she failed them by not getting back to them in time.

It’s not her fault, and none of them know how long it’s been for the Doctor, by the way she’s asked them I feel like they think she’s only been gone for a week.

Honestly, I’m impressed how the Doctor didn’t make it about her -- being in prison for longer than they thought. She’s looking at it from their point of view, because she already knows what big leaps in time would affect her friends.

TBH Revolution of the Daleks felt like shades of Last Christmas in that the Doctor regretted missing out time with her companion/s. In Last Christmas, the Doctor got his time back with Clara, in RotD, time passed.

Back to the Doctor and the Daleks tho.

This reminded of Twelve’s: “You are monsters. That is the role you seem determined to play. So it seems I must play mine. The Man that stops the Monsters.”

(Look, Chibnall’s Moffat references aren’t as sledgehammer, but he does reference a lot of Moffat’s things.).

Except with Thirteen, I’m actually more terrified. Jodie does this thing where her eyes goes black and she kind of disappears into herself, this is what happened here. This promise isn’t actually good IMO.

This is not a comforting face. This is a ‘I’m gonna kill a whole boatload of Daleks face and I’m not sorry, in fact I might enjoy doing that’ face.

(And, a brief aside to Robertson, I feel like the Specials have their own kind of special ‘movie’ continuity and more of his story will play out in the Specials, where hopefully he will get his comeuppance because, to me, I feel that’s where it’s going. This is more groundwork laying.

I don’t like it when the Doctor interferes with Human affairs, especially government -- because look what happened with Harriet Jones and how the Doctor broke the Golden Age. Also, I don’t want real world leaders to exist in the Whoverse because I want them to have a completely different track from us. So. Yeah, New Year’s Specials have their ongoing storyline. I’m actually not mad about it, and I enjoy Mr. Big’s performance. He’s a sleezeball. A sleezeball that knows more now. (He isn’t T rump but he isn’t better either). At least I find him enjoyable and not outright offensive. I’m okay seeing him again for the next Specials. I hope next time he does get his comeuppance.)

Now, the goodbyes:

The HUG.

We’ve been waiting for the Doctor to be more physically affectionate with the fam, and it took the Doctor being locked down for decades (maybe?), and Ryan and Graham leaving for her to hug them. And we’re all right, Thirteen gives great hugs.

The feeling Thirteen’s been running away from is here, sadness. It’s good that Yaz decided to stay other wise... she’s just going to run headlong into forgetting her problems, Doctor Style.

And again, learning and re-learning things: ‘It’s okay to be sad.’

Oh, Thirteen.

(Before Twelve, I don’t think I was this sympathetic to the Doctor -- no wait, I was with Nine. Ten and Eleven tested my patience but it’s with Twelve and Thirteen where I’m 100% invested in the Doctor.

I also love that they’re kind of soft touching the Timeless Child thing, and as someone on twitter mentioned, this feels like an examination of an adoption story. The Doctor is going to search for their identity, their home).

I honestly wish Jack stayed in the TARDIS with Thirteen and Yaz. Jack’s a great balance, especially pushing back at the Doctor and her tactics. Her NUCLEAR tactics. I am glad that the Doctor’s still a dick to Jack, not much of an asshole as they were when the Doctor was Ten but still a dick.

Also, one thing I really love about Barrowman is that when he’s in Doctor Who, he knows it’s not his show and he doesn’t showboat, and the man can showboat.

I’d rather Jack than random guy that I didn’t even know was gonna happen until very late.

Anyway, TLDR to all this: I enjoyed this very much! Still a lot to be parsed through in things that needs to be parsed through as I mentioned, but on the whole? I loved it.

#doctor who #doctor who spoilers #thirteenth doctor #yasmin khan #ryan sinclair #graham o'brien #jack harkness #revolution of the daleks #initial reactions #long post #rambling and incoherent

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wonderingnerd · 3 years ago

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So, apparently Chibnall and I think the same and, as he just spoiled the fan fiction I was writing (bc a LOT of what he put on series 13 I had also written on my story), I’ll tell what I think will happen in Doctor Who as a way to let it register here.

after the episode with the Solitract and the reveal of the timeless child, I thought the Doctor was also a Solitract or something similar, that she can regenerate bc she can’t really die bc she is a whole universe (it ties up with the way the regeneration energy is bright as a sun, or how the timelord’s technology all revolves around it, like the TARDIS is also “powered” by a what would be a sun eternally dying). In my mind, they would only reveal it all in the 60th birthday special. I think I’m wrong on this one but it’s interesting to think as the Doctor as a force of nature (literally) that got to be in humanoid form (this is important for my ideas later)

Vinde and Bel are Gallifreyans. I don’t know if they are timelords (remember that they only got to be called timelords after getting to harvest the Doctor’s regeneration energy for themselves). I also think they may be from a past Gallifrey, before the timelords and the Time War.

This may be old news, but I was sure the old woman who talked with the Doctor when she was trying to save everyone on their time streams was Tecteun. Only adding this one bc I think she was also her mom (but going by a different name) after the Division erased her memory and let her live the regenerations we all know. Remember the woman covering her eyes in David Tennant’s regeneration episode when Rasailon came to collect the Master? It was never explained, but it was first thought to be the Doctor’s mom. And covering the eyes is a good way to hide who you are when the person hasn’t seen you new regeneration (it’s also a good parallel with the Weeping Angels).

Bel can be either the Doctor or (what I think is even cooler and so much more plausible) the Doctor’s biological mom. She is pregnant and running, she has a sense of adventure and morality, she is fierce and brave. Maybe the wormhole the Doctor came from was linking her from the future to the past, to protect her from the Flux or some other danger.

Speaking of this, Vince was cast away to that space observatory because he went against the Division (that’s kinda obvious to me by this point). He saw how the military he was part of was trying to interfere in another planet and tried to whistle blow it all, not knowing that the conspiracy ran even deeper. It backfired and he was cast away (I don’t know why don’t kill him, but it think it would draw too much attention and it would serve as an exemple).

Speaking of the Division, my thoughts are kinda crazy so take a deep breath and have an open mind. Remember when that strange red-skull man said the Doctor and him should be one again, not be separated or something (I can go back and rewatch the episode to get it right or I can finish this quick and get my report done and mailed it to my professor, so you see why I’m not so thorough now) and I don’t think this is a metaphor per say. I think he and his “sister” may represent space and time (he does have a speech about something in these lines) and somehow the Division wants to (well) divide it so they can be able to timetravel and interfere in all parts of the universe. I don’t know where the Doctor fits in this, but she seems to represent time somewhat. Maybe the sister represents matter instead of time and the red-skull guy is space? Then the Doctor being time would fit properly. It also would explain why the “sister” breaks matter whenever she touches it. Maybe she can control matter and anti-matter? I’m rambling now.

I had this theory that the planet Time and thus the Division were running kinda outside of our universe, but not really. I got to be right in some form but it hasn’t explained planet Time yet, so let tell you my theory. I thought planet Time was cast away in the beginning of our universe. The Big Ban is often talked as a seed or a point that expanded and created our whole universe. This is metaphor, a simpler explanation of something that we can’t explain. Basically the calculations said that all the energy and matter of our universe came from one single point. But where was this point? Nobody knows. So why can’t it come from planet Time? Maybe planet Time is what existed before our universe and thus why time doesn’t “pass” there (time, as we know, only existed after the universe was created). That explains most of what happened there, why the Doctor couldn’t find the planet on her own (she can search all time and space, but she didn’t go to no time and no space/universe). This leads to a whole bunch of questions and I love it!

I think this is all for now. At least got to take it off my chest. Also, BBC, if you’re reading this, I’m up for hiring. I can keep secrets and I’m really into Doctor Who. Also, I’m a scientist and I got really excited about these theories (as you can see). And that’s my resume.

#doctor who #dw spoilers #dw series 13 #thirteenth doctor #headcannons?#kinda my thoughts #Chibnall got to hack my mind I’m sure of it #I mean he just put part of the plot of my fanfiction on series 13!!#okay I haven’t post all of my fanfic yet but I can prove we had the same ideas #different executions though

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quietkatie1864 · 4 years ago

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The Mistake

The Doctor made a mistake and now he must set things right.

10th doctor x female!reader

The Doctor made a mistake.

Now the Doctor usually doesn’t make mistakes, at least not any that he would outright admit to. He usually comes up with some complicated explanation as to how is mistake was not a mistake at all but a calculated plan. And sometimes plans backfire but that doesn’t mean that he was wrong.

But this time, this one time, the Doctor was horribly and inexcusably in the wrong. And he needed to fix it. He just didn’t know how.

He didn’t know if it was even possible.

He had made a promise. A promise to the most important person in his life. A promise to Rose. After the daleks and the cyberman, after the Doctor lost Rose, trapped in another universe that he could no longer reach, Rose made the Doctor swear to do one thing for her. Before this rift between universes open and was subsequently closed, the Doctor and Rose rarely, if ever travelled alone. Rose’s best friend, Y/N travelled with them more often than not. The Doctor and Y/N did not particularly like each other, but they tolerated one another for Rose’s sake. If she was going to travel across time and space, then she wanted her two favorite people right by her side.

“Promise me you’ll take care of her,” and the Doctor did make that promise. He swore to Rose that he would take care of Y/N. And he broke that promise, even before he made it.

Now the Doctor knew exactly what Rose meant. She wanted the Doctor to continue to travel with Y/N, to show her all of the places that he had been planning on showing Rose. Rose always thought the Doctor and Y/N were good for each other. Y/N was always challenging the Doctors so called “superiority complex” and forcing him to explain himself instead of just accepting whatever plan he came up with. And the Doctor was so good at teaching, even if he did get tangential every so often, and Y/N absorbed every word that the Doctor said, not matter how improbable or how angry she was with him at the time.

But, before the Doctor had even reopened the breach between the two universes, he had already broken this promise. The minute he lost Rose, the Doctor just left. He walked right past Y/N, weeping and sobbing on the floor for she had just lost her best friend permanently, and left. It was horrible and selfish, but at the time he didn’t care. He didn’t care that he was leaving her alone and defenseless, far away from her friends and family, with no money and no way to get back to them. He was angry and hurt and heartbroken and desperately trying to find a way to bring Rose back to him. He didn’t care who else was hurting. Especially her. The girl who took so much time away from him. Who, in his mind, kept Rose away from him and kept them from becoming the couple they were truly meant to be. Now, the Doctor knows that all of this hatred and malice that surfaced for this girl was the product for his own self-loathing, but at the time he could not see past his despair. So, he left her.

Y/N was walking out of the small boutique that she worked at when she saw it. That big beautiful blue box that had been her home for so long that she almost forgot what a normal life looked like. For a second her heart swelled with joy. He was finally back. He came back for her. But that feeling quickly dissipated.

Three months.

He left her alone in a city she barely knew for three whole months. Without any warning, or explanation, or goodbye, he left. He didn’t care about her then so why does she suddenly think he’s changed his mind. It’s just a coincidence that he parked his stupid blue box right outside of her place of work. He’ll probably be embarrassed when he realizes this and run far away. Probably to the other side of the universe if he can. But she wasn’t going to let him do that. Not without telling him off first.

So instead of turning around and running in the opposite direction, Y/N marched forward, towards her former home. Before she could raise her fist to pound on the door, it swung open revealing him.

Y/N stared at him and he stared back. And then, the Doctor grinned.

And Y/N slapped him. Hard.

The Doctor reeled back and had the audacity to look offended for a split second. His face softened once it made hers. Y/N’s entire body seemed to be trembling from pure anger and sadness. Her lips were quivering, and her eyes filled with tears and threated to spill over. So instead of some indignant response or witty retort, the Doctor stepped aside and allowed Y/N to enter the TARDIS.

Still unsure of what to say the Doctor closed the door of the TARDIS and continued to stare at Y/N. Absentmindedly, he rubbed his jaw.

“I really deserved that didn’t eye,” Y/N gave a stiff nod, still refusing to speak. “Well then let me explain-“

“No,” Y/N snapped. “You do not get to talk your way out of this this time. You are going to be quiet a listen to what I have to say. And then I am leaving.” The Doctor opened his mouth to speak, but Y/N cut him off. “3 months. You left me here for three months. I had no money. I had nowhere to go. I was alone and you left me. And don’t even bother with the excuses. I know you lost Rose and you loved her, and you hate me so why should you have to worry about me when your hearts are breaking into a million pieces, but you forgot one thing. I loved her too! Rose was my best friend and I lost her too. And you didn’t even care. You didn’t care that I was hurting, because I was just a nuisance to you. I thought you would have at least had the decency to drop me off somewhere that I was familiar with, where I knew people. But no, you have to go sulk in your giant blue box and feel sorry for yourself. And now for some reason you’ve realized that what you did was wrong, and you’ve come begging for forgiveness. Well guess what? I don’t forgive you.” The tears spilled over Y/N’s face. She angrily wiped them away with the back of her hand. “Now that’s all I have to say. I am going to leave now, and I really hope I never see you again.”

Y/N wrenched opened the door of the TARDIS and almost walked out into the vast emptiness of space. She would have if the Doctor had not caught her by the elbow and pulled her back into the TARDIS.

“What the hell?” Y/N grumbled. I was ready to make a dramatic exit. She thought.

“I guess the TARDIS doesn’t want you to leave,” the Doctor mused, gracefully sitting down with his legs dangling outside the TARDIS. He wasn’t going to disobey the TARDIS. At least not until he had made his peace with Y/N. With a huff, Y/N sat down next to the Doctor at the doors of the TARDIS, knowing that what was the blue box wanted her to do. She stared out at the stars in front of her, waiting for the Doctor to speak.

“I’m sorry,” the Doctor finally said. “and I know an apology is not enough and I have no right to ask for your forgiveness, but I’m going to anyways. You were right about everything. I was being selfish, and I didn’t care about your feelings and I should have stayed with you instead of leaving. But I don’t hate you. I have never truly hated you. You get on my nerves occasionally, but you know what else you do? You make me better. You help bring my humanity back to the surface, something I thought I had lost long ago. I need you. I need you to stay. I need you to keep travelling with me. I need you to keep me in line when I start to go dark. And you have no reason to keep travelling with me because I treated you so poorly in the past, and it was wrong of me to do that. I was wrong.”

The Doctor paused, waiting for Y/N’s response. “Say that again,” she murmured.

“Say what again?” the Doctor asked.

“You know what,” Y/N said, finally turning to face with a slight glimmer of mischief in her eyes.

“I was wrong,”

“You were wrong and I was-“ Y/N prompted.

“You were right”

Y/N giggled. A sound the Doctor hadn’t realized he desperately missed. The Doctor grinned back at her.

“I’m still mad at you”

“I know,” “And I still haven’t forgiven you,”

“I know,”

“Good,” Y/N stood up and headed towards one of the TARDIS’ many hallways, towards her room, towards her home. The Doctor’s grinned widened as he watched her.

No, Y/N had not forgiven him yet. But this was a start.

#tenth doctor x reader #10th doctor x reader #10th doctor imagine #tenth doctor imagine #doctor who imagine #doctor who fic

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whathappenedtomyweekend · 4 years ago

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Rose’s Christmas Carol (Part I)

"It will get easier over time," they said. "Time heals many wounds," they said.

No, it doesn't, if it gets hurt, it collapses and takes everything with it, Rose thought bitterly and took the bend to her parents' house. As much as she loved them, she'd rather been alone today. Maybe go to work tomorrow. Anything to distract her from Christmas and - most of all - remembering. "Oh no, I'm not lettin' you mope around in your flat, all by yourself, on Christmas!" Jackie had said sternly, thinking she'd do her daughter a favour. Rose had given in at the end, tired of fighting back.

But how was her Mum to know that being with her on Christmas would hurt more than being alone? How was she to know that Rose felt ashamed to be with her family, after she'd been so ready to leave them behind? She couldn't know what Rose had told the Doctor after she'd crossed over and how sure she had been.

Still, he was gone. Another evening, another day, another night without him. Rose stopped her car and leaned her head against the steering-wheel for a moment, exhaling slowly, gathering herself. The radio was playing "Last Christmas" again. Rose huffed. "Last Christmas I gave you my heart," George Michael sang. "The very next day, you gave it away."

Last Christmas, she thought, I woke up crying and catatonically sat in mum's kitchen two days straight. Rose ignored the tears gathering in her eyes.

'You saw me. I changed, right in front of you ...'

No. Not again. With a bit-back sob, Rose pushed herself back and gathered her things in a sudden rush of newfound angry energy and dragged herself out into the cold along the frontyard. Her feeble fingers pressed the doorbell. "Hello?" "Dad, it's me!"

'Every single cell in my body. But ... I'm still me.'

Rose shook her head, as if she could get rid of his voice, wondering if it would ever stop. The door opened and Rose tried not to think about the other failed launch of the dimension cannon. She let Pete hug her and for a moment, she didn't manage to hide her emotions behind a smile. Her father laid a hand on her shoulder and smiled sympathetically, almost apologetic. He'd been there when the launch had failed for the umpteenth time, he'd been the one to drag her out when, in a moment of one of her rare breakdowns because the frustration and grief and exhaustion took over, she had been weeping and hitting and screaming soundlessly.

Rose gathered up a tight smile at her Dad and then pushed through the door into the living room. "Rosie!", the voice of a child squealed and Rose couldn't help but crack a smile when she gathered her little brother in her arms. "Hey, Tony," she crooned softly and stroked his curly-haired head. "You okay? Did you and Mummy decorate the tree yet?" "Mummy said wait on you, Rosie!", Tony replied happily. "'m helped choosing the tree!" Rose's eyes flickered over to the tree, boxes set beside it.

'Remote control. But who's controlling it?'

"Oh, did you? Well, you did a brilliant job, it's beautiful! Best tree I've ever seen!" Rose praised and Tony giggled when she threw him up in the air a little. His little arms clung around her neck when he came down again. "So, you wanna get started?" "Yeah!" Tony exclaimed and wobbled away when his sister let him down again.

"Let's just call Mummy and then we'll -"

Rose broke off when she suddenly faced her mother who stood in the door of the kitchen, a wooden spoon still in her hand. Rose knew she'd insist on cooking herself for Christmas and that she'd given the entire staff off for the holidays. She didn't even have time to do anything and Jackie wrapped her arms around her daughter with a soft call of her name. "Thank you," she whispered into her ear, just loud enough for Rose too hear and the young woman swallowed the lump in her throat as she pulled back. Jackie smiled and took a step back, taking in Rose's tired, dull eyes and the attempt to hide the bags under her eyes with make-up, her pale skin and the harshness of her once so soft lips. Rose tried to ignore the flash of pity and sadness in her mother's eyes when she said quickly: "You look good, Rose."

'First things first ... be honest. How do I look?'

Rose lowered her head. "Thanks."

'Good different or bad different?'

Her eyes swam back into focus when Tony tugged her sleeve. "Rosie, can we start?" She forced a grin on her lips. "Sure." Quietly, just for herself, she whispered: "Allons-y."

Jackie's gaze had barely left Rose's face the whole evening. Eyeing her carefully, she caught her daughter throw a quick glance at the door for the twentyfirst time. Rose seemed restless, looking at the door every now and then, as if she was waiting for something. Jackie could only have a faint guess and sadly pushed the thought away.

Just over a year had passed now and still, Rose hadn’t let go of what had happened. Pete kept telling his wife about the launches and Jackie knew about Rose's latest "breakdown", he'd called it. She thought these had been over; she knew it still was bad but she didn't know it was that bad. Not even a year had gone by, after all. She hadn't expected her daughter to move on quickly and would, honestly have been rather worried if she'd found her daughter back at her old self in just a few months.

But still, there was this constant layer of sadness in her eyes, deep down. Past the fake smile and the concealed dark circles under her eyes and the bright red lipstick she was wearing now. Under that mask, it was easy to see: the grief, exhaustion. The weariness. Rose looked drained. Depressed. Empty. The longer Jackie looked at her, the more she couldn't help but think that maybe Rose would never really heal. Because maybe her Rose, the old Rose Tyler, had stayed on the other side. Behind the void, in the TARDIS, with the Doctor.

Rose perked up when she heard the rattle of porcelain and quickly jumped up. "Oh, Mum, let me."

Jackie smiled. "Thanks. Be a dear and get some more potatoes."

"Sure, hang on a mo'." Rose got up, took the bowl and made her way into the kitchen, a warm smell of turkey still in the air.

'Back to your Mum. It's all waiting: fish and chips, sausages and mash, beans on toast - no, Christmas, turkey!'

Rose set the bowl on the counter, sighing. Quickly, she scanned the cooking plate in search for the mashed potatoes - when something suddenly caught her eyes' attention. A round plate, covered by an aluminium layer. "Oh, and I think we're ready for the nut loaf, too!", her Mum called from the dining table and Rose tried not to fall apart as she made her way through the kitchen towards the door, still staring down on the plate she held in her trembling hands.

'Although ... having met your mother ... nut loaf would be more appropriate.'

The plate slid out of her hands and crashed on the cold tiles. And that was when Rose gave up. That was when she just couldn't take it anymore, the moment she let the tears run freely down her cheeks. She barely even felt the shattered pieces of porcelain and crumbles of loaf around her when she slowly sank down, clutching the wood of the door frame. That was how Jackie found her seconds later when she heard the crash. Rose sat on the floor, sobbing violently, her face screwed up as she constantly whispered a single word she felt like drowning.

"Oh God, Rose!"

'Rose Tyler-'

The voice of her mother was mixing with the one in her head and it made her crumble. Rose felt hands drag her up and she curled up on the floor, wanting nothing more than to just lie there and cry herself out. Jackie crouched down next to her and after a while she managed to pull Rose into her arms and then Rose clung to her like a drowning man to a lifesaver. "Rose ... Rose, what's wrong? Rose ..." Rose opened her mouth to talk, but no sound came out, no word of how tired she was and how much she missed him and that she wished she could just leave. She let herself be picked up and led to the living room where she was sat down, still weeping because everything was missing and she felt so out of place.

Nobody touched her in ten minutes. Jackie shook her head when Tony wanted to run to his sister and picked him up in her arms. "What's wrong with Rose, Mummy?" "She just ... she just misses her friend, sweetheart," Jackie replied softly and Tony asked if she meant the Doctor but broke off when Rose let out a whimper at the mention of his name and hid her face in her hands. He'd never seen his sister cry. It was not until five minutes later that Rose had calmed down to a level she could talk. She looked up at Jackie with red, tear - stained eyes and whispered:

"I ... I ..." "What, sweetheart, what is it?"

Jackie sat down next to her and Rose clasped her hands in front of her mouth, holding back a sob.

"I miss him, I m-miss him so much." Jackie looked at her daughter and felt her heart break.

"I know, sweetheart, me too," She pulled her into her arms. "Me too ..." Rose let herself be held and hid herself in the warmth of her mother's arms and finally gave in. And then all the words suddenly started flowing out of her mouth, unstoppable now and she wasn't able to take them back or hold them in.

"I just keep waiting, I keep thinking he'll burst through that door any second, I, I keep w-waiting for him to walk in bec .. because he promised, he," She drew a deep shaking breath, the tears still hadn't stopped and another sob escaped her when she pulled out her her mother's arms, her own arms helplessly by her side.

"He said he'd be here," Rose whispered then, half sobbing. "He said he-" She broke off and wiped her eyes but it only left her eyes stinging.

"And nothing works, nothing ever works, I've been trying for - for months I've been trying to get back to him, but it doesn't ... and I'm sorry, I'm so sorry because I keep hurting you, I tried to be okay, I really did, but it, I can't, can't ... be ..." "I know, Rose, I know,", Jackie said softly and took her hand but Rose slipped hers out of her grip.

"It's okay," Jackie's voice, too, was trembling but she continued: "It's okay to be heartbroken and no one expects you to be just back to normal, sweetheart. It’s okay to feel like this, I promise. It’s okay." Rose said nothing and just sat there, crying quietly, staring into space. Time, she thought, that's the problem.

Much later, hours after the dinner and after Tony had been brought to bed, Rose still sat on the couch in the living room. It was way after midnight and the radio started to annoy her but she just couldn't be bothered to get up; also because she feared her legs would give up on the Rose sat alone, listening to 'Merry Christmas' for the fourth time.

She hated it. Oh, how she hated Christmas. " ... and a happy new year!"

But it was never a new year, not ever a new new year, ever again. It was just another year, another year without him.

Rose knew nights like these. Nights like these, when she'd sat alone in the tiny kitchen of her new flat between the still uppacked boxes and reconsidered her resolution not to drink. The nights she remembered she had forgotten her important meeting at work. The nights she cried herself to sleep because she missed her life and just couldn't fix this gaping hole inside of her. The nights she spent on her computer looking up flights to places she'd never go because she needed to leave but also couldn't do it without him. Nights where she felt like drowning and like the walls of her flat seemed to move in closer and closer until they crushed her between them. But most of all, the nights that were just so bloody lonely.

She wondered how she could feel so lonely just because of missing one person. Rose thought of the Doctor and wanted to cry, but her eyes stayed dry. She hoped with all her heart he was better. Better than her and not falling back into his darkness. She thought of the picture she imagined every day, every time she launched another test, the Doctor sitting alone in the TARDIS, his brown eyes dull and empty, face unmoved. Lonely. She didn't want that, she never wanted him to be lonely.

Rose felt her heart skip a beat when she started up out of all sudden. Everything was absolutely silent. The radio had stopped. Finally, her first thought, then: Why's that? Slowly, Rose got up. Indeed, the screen of the radio was dark and empty. And then another noise started. The one sound in the whole universe she had yearned for. Tearing her apart, ripping her soul in half - with a gasp, she stumbled back and her hands gripped the edge of the table. For a moment her heart stopped. It couldn't be. Part of her was aching to take a second look, the other part of her didn't want to because she feared it might have been another daydream of her, the trick of an eye and the melody of her lonely heart playing the wooshing sounds of her home in the back of her mind. Finally, Rose forced herself to look into the darkness a second time.

There, in the dark backyard of the Tyler manison stood the TARDIS.

Rose froze, her heart beating faster than ever before, throwing itself against her ribcage as if it wanted to flee. But she couldn't be sure until she had touched it, until she hadn't been inside of - "Rose?" a voice - oh, how she wished this wasn't a dream because this was all it could be - called behind her. Rose turned around, almost sure to see nothing because it was another nightmare after all and she was so angry at her own memory for giving her such an accurate imitation of his voice. She tried to fight the urge to cry when she saw the tall, slim figure stand in the door, pinstripes and all. Her heart stopped as it was torn apart and then she started crying and her legs took a stumbling step forward, then another, another, yet another and by the time she reached him she had thrown every care away. It had to be real. This time it was.

Doctor. Oh, my Doctor. And then, Rose Tyler stopped in front of the Doctor.

#reposting this here bc why not i'm feeling sappy #doctor who #dw #tenxrose #tenrose #mine #part I #romance #the ANGST pls i was so angsty omg #i wrote this like......5 years ago omg #doesn't seem that long ago reading it tho

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might-be-a-zygon · 4 years ago

Note

Ohhhh Thasmin and "are you kidding me?! you're not 'fine'!" OR River/13 and "i can't believe i almost lost you

This one got away from me a little, I’ll admit. It’s pretty angsty and features a lot of (canon) character death, so fair warning on that one.

I’ll add an AO3 link in the reblogs!

---

The Ghosts That Broke My Heart

Sleep had always been a funny thing for the Doctor. She certainly needed a lot less of it than her human friends, but it had always been a reliable break from whatever life chose to throw at her that week. She had dreams, like everyone did, but there was one thing which the Doctor didn’t really do.

She didn’t have nightmares.

Really, what would she have them about? The Doctor faced the creatures of nightmares every day. To some species, the Doctor was a creature of nightmares.

Still, after what had happened on Gallifrey? She’d found the creatures that could jolt her awake screaming.

Ghosts.

Whatever she’d done to overload the matrix had broken centuries of carefully constructed barriers, holding back the people she’d lost, and now her mind saw fit to make her relive each dark moment whenever she let her guard down to try and sleep.

It had started out right away- that first night in the Jadoon prison she’d laid down on the slab that passed for a bed, and closed her eyes to sleep.

“What does that mean?”

Jenny was practically bouncing on the balls of her feet, all wide-eyes and excited smiles. The Doctor could recognise a lot of her own nervous energy in the young woman- ready to go off and explore the brave new world that awaited them. She also saw the gunman poised to take all that away in a moment.

It was like she was watching through thick glass. Poised on the sidelines, watching her past selves getting it all wrong over and over, but helpless to interfere. She slammed her palm against it, sending a too-real shooting pain through her arm, but making no audible sound.

“It means a new world.”

Sandshoes was grinning now, more genuine hope than she could ever really remember feeling shining in those eyes. He’d burned in the end- she remembered that much. He’d been angry. Vengeful.

The Timelord Victorious.

How different might things have been if he’d just turned around? The Doctor tried to speak, to shout for him to get her out of the way. Her voice didn’t make a sound.

She watched the happiness melt from Jenny’s face, even as Sandshoes maintained his stupid, complacent grin. The Doctor was pounding on the glass now, silently screaming that it wasn’t worth it, but of course she couldn’t change it. Jenny shoved Sandshoes out of the way, the bullet striking her square in the chest. Martha- brilliant Martha who she’d never once deserved- she knew right away there was no chance. She watched her past-self hold their dying daughter, and tell her of a future she’d never see, already knowing she was beyond saving. Lies had always fallen too easily from her tongue.

“You’re gonna be amazing, you hear me, Jenny?”

Had she even heard?

That first night, when she woke with a whine, curled up into a tight ball on her uncomfortable prison bed, the Doctor had attributed it to stress. She’d jumped haphazardly from Byron, to the cybermen, to Gallifrey, to prison with no time to clear her head. The Master always did funny things to her mind, anyway, it was normal there’d be some aftereffects.

Her hand ached from where she’d been slamming it into the ‘bed’.

She tried to shake the traitorous vision of Jenny- bright, young Jenny with so much potential sacrificing herself for the father she hardly knew. The father who would go on to do so much damage.

Against her better judgement, she’d turned over, and tried to get to sleep again. It was the last time she made that mistake.

The first thing the Doctor heard this time, was screaming.

She was on a ship, which certainly wasn’t her TARDIS. It took her a minute to recognise the place- but, maybe that made the whole thing even worse. Somebody was screaming for her help, and she couldn’t even remember who it was.

She stood there, behind whatever barrier her mind had constructed to stop her interfering, and watched the doddering old fool she’d been back then just stand there while a good woman was in trouble just feet away. She could have reopened the airlock doors- she’d known how- but she’d been so desperate to look for a way around it, that she’d left Katarina there screaming.

“Change course.” The Doctor in front of her finally ordered. “Take him back to Kembel. Take him back to Kembel! Let the Daleks deal with him.”

In that moment the Doctor looked into her own eyes and saw a spark of that ruthless fire which would one day burn galaxies. It was that same fire that made her risk tearing time apart for Clara Oswald- the fire that burned too brightly. If she was feeling generous, she might have called it admirable, that she was willing to fight so unbelievably hard for the people she loved.

Right now, she called it selfishness.

Steven stepped towards the old Doctor, his anger doing a poor job at masking his fear. “Yes, and us!”

“Don't worry, dear boy, We'll find a way out.” The Doctor cringed at her first face (or, the first face she remembered), while standing in her glass prison. Her methods of comfort hadn’t come on any in three thousand years. She was still a liar.

Both of the men who’d been with her bck then had been afraid. Bret had even tried arguing with her, but the Doctor had never been an easy person to argue with.

“I can't sacrifice everything for the sake of that one girl.” He argued, still at the controls. Luckily, she was spared the embarrassment of having to watch her former self argue by Steven stepping in.

“Listen! Without us you wouldn't have got off Kembel at all, and nothing would be worth bothering about!”

“All right, so we all go back together. But without me, I doubt that you would have got this far either.” Bret had given in quickly enough, and all the while the Doctor just stood and watched, and listened to Katarina’s frightened screaming in the airlock.

She watched as Katarina broke free and hit the release for the airlock. She watched as both her and Kirksen were sucked out into space. She watched, and knew that that girl- that girl who was so brave in the face of so much danger- had sacrificed herself so the three of them could get away.

Her hearts ached, as she thought of a dozen ways she could have saved her, if she’d tried harder.

“She wanted to save our lives and perhaps the lives of all the other beings of the Solar System.” The old Doctor in front of her began to make his silly speech, and the Doctor turned away, revolted at her own self-importance. “I hope she's found her Perfection. Oh, how I shall always remember her as one of the Daughters of the Gods. Yes, as one of the Daughters of the Gods.”

Rule one.

She hadn’t thought about Katarina in centuries. That poor, brave woman, who had made the ultimate sacrifice to keep them all alive, and the Doctor hadn’t even bothered to remember her.

The Doctor had awoken, still curled up on that cold stone slab, unable to shake the revulsion at her own actions. Was she still like that man? So pompous as to think that every being in the universe made their decisions based around her.

She hadn’t tried to sleep again, after that, shifting to lay on her back, staring at the celling, and trying to shake what somewhere, deep down, she knew.

There were very, very good reasons, she was in prison.

At first, it was always death. Faces she’d remembered, and ones she’d long since forgotten, all meeting their end because the Doctor had failed to save them.

“It snapped my neck, Sir. It wasn’t as painless as I expected, but it was pretty quick, so that was something.”

Angel Bob.

The Doctor had forgotten all about Angel Bob. He was young, and clever, and he was so scared, and she had just walked away and forgotten all about him, as though he’d never even existed.

She could see the look on the faces of the others- the muted horror on River’s, and the more pronounced look of it on her mother’s, as well as the well-managed grief of the soldiers who’d fought with him. They were all ghosts, now. Amy, River, the soldiers. All blown away like smoke on the wind.

“If you’re dead how can I be talking to you?” She tried not to think about the genuine interest her former self’s voice held in that moment- a man had just died, and Bowtie was curious about the mechanics.

“You’re not talking to me, Sir. The angel has no voice. It stripped my cerebral cortex from my body and reanimated a version of my consciousness to communicate with you. Sorry about the confusion.”

She tried her absolute best not to think too hard about how conscious the original Bob was at that moment. Had he known what had happened to him? Had he felt the angels turn him into their puppet?

She watched as Bowtie told them all to run- to run into the maze of weeping angels with no plan, and to just trust him, and she watched as he stopped behind to defend himself.

“Yes, I called you an idiot, and I’m sorry-“ He didn’t sound sorry at all, but the Doctor in her glass cage watching it play out certainly was, “But I couldn’t have saved your men.”

“I know that, Sir. And when you’ve flown off in your little blue box, I’ll explain that to their families.”

She watched, sick to her stomach, as Bowtie smirked.

“I’ll have to tell his mother.”

Seeing Rose, even after all this time, was still painful. This was only the second day they’d met, back before they’d travelled together. Before she’d managed to soften the war ravaged Doctor standing in front of her now.

The Ears had been one of her shortest lived, and angriest faces, and the ways he’d treated people were downright cruel at times. She saw the questioning look he gave Rose, clueless in the face of Mickey’s apparent demise, and why she’d be at all upset.

Why Rose hadn’t walked away then and there would forever be a mystery to the Doctor. She’d never once deserved that kind of love.

“Mickey” I’ll have to tell his mother he’s dead, and you just went and forgot him, again! You were right, you are alien.”

Alien didn’t have to mean cruel, though. So why did callousness seem to come so easily to her? Maybe it was just the sheer amount of death she’d witnessed, but it still hurt to see. She had to keep reminding herself that this death, at least, hadn’t been real- that Mickey was alive and living on earth, raising a son with his dad’s eyes and his mum’s brains who’d have the whole world talking in a few years.

At least it was a good reminder of why she was staying away from August Smith.

“Look, if I did forget some kid called Mickey-“

“Yeah, he’s not a kid-“

The Ears cut Rose off before she could keep speaking, but the Doctor watching from the side-lines found herself nodding in agreement. Rose was right. Of course Rose was right.

“It’s because I’m busy trying to save the life of every stupid ape blundering about on top of this planet! Alright?”

“Alright!”

“Yes, it is!” Ears sounded insufferably smug.

The Doctor shook her head in disgust, glancing at Rose and quietly muttering, “Why did you ever put up with me?”

“Look out!”

It was another voice she hadn’t heard in a long time, and one she’d frankly been dreading hearing. If Nyssa was here she had a good idea of what she was about to see. She saw the cybermen coming up behind her back, while her fifth-self fumbled with the controls. It was as good as useless.

A cyberman lumbered up behind her, and her past-self ignored it completely, leaving Nyssa to have to shoot it down with a discarded cyberweapon. She was once again saved by a more competent friend, and her own hypocrisy when it came to guns.

She wasn’t sure she’d ever even thanked Nyssa for saving her life.

“I must save Adric!”

Stuck in the corner, exhausted and emotionally drained, the Doctor was just glad that, while she was having to watch another of her failures, this version of herself was at the very least trying.

“Look!”

“Adric.”

The screen came to life, and the Doctor tried to shut her eyes so she wouldn’t have to watch, but of course it didn’t work- in her dreams she wouldn’t be allowed to block out the parts she didn’t want to see. The only consolation was that she wouldn’t have to look him in the eyes.

She’d always been cowardly like that.

She watched as the ship began to come apart- watched as Tegan and Nyssa held each other, and Celery just stood there gawping like a fish who couldn’t believe his own incompetence.

She still remembered that feeling- like someone had clawed the hearts out of her chest and shown them to her. Back then, it’d been such a long time since she’d really lost someone that she wasn’t used to the pain of it anymore.

When had she become careless enough that death just bounced off of her?

It only took ten days of reliving her worst moments before the Doctor had begun actively fighting sleep. Prison, at least, was a safe enough place to do it. She’d pace her cell at night to keep herself from drifting off- reciting books she knew by heart, or just talking to herself to keep her eyes from closing for too long. During the day, she’d do the same- chatting to the other prisoners, pacing, never letting herself remain still for fear of finally giving into the exhaustion which seemed to have seeped into her bones.

Of course, even a Time Lord (if she could even call herself one anymore), couldn’t stay awake forever. After weeks of forcing her eyes to stay open, she’d eventually collapse, usually when she was in her cell, if she was lucky, and she’d endure another walkthrough her past- too exhausted to even wake up- before being woken by the prison systems to begin all over again.

After a while she’d slip into waking dreams, too exhausted to even think straight. She’d sit in her cell, nutrient block in hand, while her sleep deprived mind played out snippets of her life, a few seconds at a time, while she fought to wake up enough to dismiss the visions.

At first, when she next saw herself- sitting on a bench, eating chips, she thought maybe this was just her mind crying out for some real food. It was easy to forget the specifics of what had been discussed all those years before, after twenty years sitting in a cell.

“She scares me.” Came Bill’s voice from next to the older-Doctor, quiet in its honesty. Admitting you were scared was something so few people ever did- least of all when they were around the Doctor, and being brave was so important, but Bill had never been afraid to admit it to her. She’d been strong like that. “Like. She really scares me.”

As much as she still, after all this time, wanted the Master to be everything she knew he could be, it was hard to deny how right Bill had been to be afraid. After all- it was the Master who’d handed her over to the cybermen, in the end, just not the version she’d feared.

“Okay. Just, promise me one thing, yeah? Just promise you won’t get me killed.”

“I can’t promise you that!” Eyebrows had laughed at her, as though her concerns were something flippant. As though her fear was something worth laughing at. He’d been right, in the end, he hadn’t been able to keep Bill alive, but it was horrible looking back at it now.

The Doctor had managed to shock herself back into reality, but she hadn’t been able to shake the self-contempt that settled in her hearts.

Most of the time, those waking nightmares came while she was stuck sitting around, waiting for the time to come that she’d be allowed out into her tiny cube of the exercise yard, just for something to break up the routine of sitting alone, and thinking about death.

“I keep remembering all the people I’ve killed. Every day I think of more. Being bad- Being bad drowned that out. I didn’t know I even knew their names. You didn’t tell me about this bit.”

“I’m sorry, but this is good.”

“Okay.”

The Doctor watched herself hold her self-ascribed goodness over her oldest friend, and couldn’t help but wonder if this wasn’t what had driven the Master to the depths of madness he’d displayed on Gallifrey. She might have lorded it as a good thing back then, but she was quickly learning the types of things that isolation, imprisonment, and guilt could do to the mind. If she got out of prison with her sanity, she’d count it a blessing.

She’d dreamt about Missy a lot, after a while. The longer she stayed locked up, the more her guild-addled mind saw fit to remind her of her stint as jailor.

On those nights she was too exhausted to keep her eyes open, the Doctor saw herself through the glass again. It was her twelfth face- well, the twelfth she remembered- the one with the angry eyebrows and the trusting nature. She saw Missy standing there, looking more dishevelled than she had before the vault, standing so close to the forcefield that it was rippling. She looked strangely earnest despite the pantomime of madness she put o- as though she was proud of herself for actually helping.

She watched as Eyebrows shoved Bill back away from Missy, not seeming to care much about how what had just transpired had clearly affected her. She’d never been good enough for Bill- the kind, inquisitive girl who’d gone out of her way to buy the Doctor Christmas presents and who’d called her grandad, and who she’d promised she wouldn’t get killed. Bill who had been so strong, who had fought off the monks and the cybermen by sheer force of will. Bill who’d deserved so much more than what the Doctor had given to her.

She watched Eyebrows walk up to that rippling forcefield, and look his oldest friend in the eyes like she was still the monster she pretended to be.

“Even if that was the truth the fact that you’re suggesting it shows that there’s been no change. No hope. No point.”

Eyebrows sounded angry, and the Doctor winced slightly at that. How was the Master ever supposed to change with the Doctor constantly telling her that her progress meant nothing? Was that why she’d given up in the end? It had to be easier to go back to what you’d known before rather than being constantly strung along and put down by someone who had promised to help you become better.

Missy’s face contorted for a moment. The Doctor left her here for months, all alone in this dusty room with almost nothing, and then he’d turned up just to talk to her like this? Her Twelfth face was one of the few she’d always thought of as good- or, if not good, at least kind. Sandshoes had been angry from the war and from everything he’d lost, but Eyebrows had tried so hard to be kind. Was this really what her version of kind did to people?

After her own stint in prison, leaving Missy trapped like this for so long was beginning to seem more and more cruel. She’d wanted to help people, she really had, but it wasn’t as though her friend had come to her and asked. She’d saved her, and then abused that power, keeping her prisoner for decades to try and make her into something she’d never tried to be. It was hard, knowing what had later become of the Master, not to wonder what all that time in the vault had done to their already fragile mental state. How much had she contributed to his snapping and destroying their home?

Looking at it like that how was the Doctor any better than the Jadoon? And how was Missy running off with the Master much different from her running with Jac They’d both been escaping jailors who kept them confined alone for long enough to drive them half-mad.

“We don’t sacrifice people.” The scene playing out in front of her was hardly easy, but the Doctor laughed anyway, because the irony of that wasn’t lost on her. She’d let so many people die for her as Rainbows that Eyebrows’ words felt hollow. “It’s wrong because it’s easy.”

“Back in the day I’d burn an entire city to the ground just to see the pretty shapes the smoke made. I’m sorry your plus one doesn’t get a happy ending, but like it or not I just saved this world because I want to change.”

There was a forced lightness to Missy’s voice, almost undetectable unless you really knew her well- and the Doctor knew her better than anybody. It’d been a cry for help, of sorts- she’d wanted her friend back, and Eyebrows had ignored her. She’d saved the world- the Doctor would have likely spent months searching for infected water supplies and food chains following up his own stupid theories, and Missy had told him the answer freely, and without reward. She’d saved the world and he’d told her there was no hope for her- no wonder she’d run.

“Your version of good is not absolute.” She continued, her fingers pushing slightly against the forcefield now. The Doctor watched it ripple from behind he own glass patrician, and she knew the look in Missy’s eyes far too well. If that forcefield had been replaced with glowing blue bars it could have been her in her own cell. At least during her imprisonment she hadn’t had to live with the knowledge that her oldest friend was her jailor. “It’s vain, arrogant, and sentimental.”

Vain, arrogant and sentimental.

She always had said the Master knew her soul a little too well.

Once the spectre of death faded, somewhat, it was her own shortcomings her subconscious decided to force onto her. Those moments when she’d forced others into complying with what she’d wanted- as though that was always her decision to make.

She was the Doctor, after all. Who would ever dare to question her whims as anything less than genius?

“You know you can fix that chameleon circuit if you just tried hot-wiring the fragment links and superseding the binary binary binary binary binary binary binary binary binary binary binary binary binary-“

Not this. Not Donna. How was this fair? At least with Jenny she hadn’t seen the gunman. She could see it in her past-self’s face that he knew this was killing her, and he was just standing there like an idiot, watching it happen. He could have stepped in sooner.

“I’m fine.” Donna was showing off that big grin, back to talking a mile-a-minute. The Doctor had always wondered if on some level she knew what this would do. She had all of that knowledge inside her head, it must have been somewhere in her all along that she’d become an impossible thing.

She didn’t pound on the glass or scream this time, watching her own past unfold with her hand pressed up against it. She mouthed I’m sorry, but no sound came out.

“I bet he’s great, Charlie Chaplin. Shall we do that? Shall we go see Charlie Chaplin? Shall we? Charlie Chaplin. Charlie Chester. Charlie Brown- no he’s fiction-“ She watched as Donna pranced around, playing with the console and the phone. This wasn’t quite Donna- not really. This Donna was far too Doctor- maybe that was why she found it so unsettling, seeing her charming, funny, irreverent friend talking like someone she hated.

“Friction, fiction, fixing, mixing, Rickston, Brixton-“ Donna cut off with a gasp, and the Doctor wanted to slap Sandshoes for leaving her in this state. She had to be scared, and he wasn’t even bothering to explain it to her. Of course, with that much of the Doctor’s mind burning through her own, Donna had probably understood it all already, but there was still something to be said for compassion in a situation as horrific as this one.

“I was gonna be with you forever.” The sadness in Donna’s eyes spoke volumes. She’d trusted the Doctor so much, had so much planned for them, and it was all the Doctor’s fault.

If her hearts hadn’t already shattered they did now. Nobody ever stayed with her forever- not really. Even if she wanted them to, she’d always destroy them before they got a chance.

She was on the floor, kneeling on the dirty floor of a TARDIS she’d long since tried to forget. When had that happened?

“I know.”

She screwed her eyes shut, grateful that this time, at least, she managed to block out the visuals- maybe because this time, the sound of Donna begging for something the Doctor was too selfish to give her was enough. She wouldn’t watch Sandshoes lie to her like that- like he’d lied to Jenny, and to Bob, and to Steven. Pretty words to ease the pain she was about to put her through.

“I can’t go back. Doctor. Please. Please don’t make me go back.”

Listening to her beg wasn’t any easier than watching it. Or living it- especially now she knew just how painful it was to have your memories taken from you. Gallifrey may have erased her path, but she’d run roughshod over her friend’s mind just as carelessly.

“Donna Noble. I am so sorry. But we had the best of times.” Was that supposed to make either of them feel better? She’d been so self-righteous back then. The Doctor opened her eyes again, and regretted it almost immediately, curling in on herself behind her little partition. “Goodbye.”

“No. No! No please! No. No! No!”

Staying awake proved easier once she’d left prison.

During her incarceration, it had only been the thought of getting home to her fam which had really kept her going, so having Yaz back at her side was a real boost to her mood, which kept those waking nightmares at bay.

The running helped too- adrenaline in her system keeping the more dangerous effects of her sleep-deprivation at bay. Still, it didn’t mean that nights didn’t come where she came down from that high of finally being able to help again, and her tiredness came crashing down on her like a crushing weight.

This time, it came after a particularly harsh day.

She was getting sloppy in her exhausted state, and that sloppiness had put Yaz in far greater danger than she’d ever wanted to risk again. She’d told herself, that after the cybermen, and the daleks, she’d be more careful, but then all of a sudden there they were, stuck in a trap she should have been able to spot, if she was thinking clearly.

They’d been held hostage for longer than she was willing to admit- some scrapper who was very keen on getting hold of the TARDIS- not that he really knew what it was or what significance it held. No, for this man the greatest ship in the universe was worth some spare parts, and whatever the scrap value of its base components was.

They’d gotten out, in the end, but it wasn’t as though she could even take credit for that- it was quick thinking on Yaz’s part which had distracted their attacker for long enough for them to get to the TARDIS. As impressive as it was, it was still terrifying to see Yaz be so like her in the way she acted. The last person who’d wanted to be the Doctor had gotten killed trying to do so.

She’d hardly said a word once they returned to the ship, trying her best to ignore the furtive looks of concern she kept getting. She slipped off to the library alone when Yaz went to make a cup of tea, getting there on her fourth attempt (since the TARDIS seemed insistent on placing her room behind every door she opened), and counting on the near-infinite nature of the TARDIS rooms to hide her for a while. She needed a little space while she cleared her head and tried to get rid of some of the overwhelming guilt that was eating her up inside.

She could have gotten Yaz killed today with her carelessness. If Yaz wasn’t as good as she was, she would have gotten them both killed.

No matter what horrors from her past her brain decided to drudge up, a world without Yaz was still a terrifying thought.

“I’m not asking you for a promise. I’m giving you an order.”

She really didn’t want to see this.

The Doctor had not gotten her memories back just so she could watch Clara Oswald face the raven all over again. Even in prison her mind hadn’t been cruel enough to remind her of that particular death. She remembered the others- Oswin, and the governess she’d met in London, and a hundred other Clara’s who’d died to save her- but this one had never come up.

Evidently, her subconscious thought she needed a reminder of what happened when she took her eyes off things for a moment too long.

“You will not insult my memory. There will be no revenge. I will die, and no one else here, or anywhere, will suffer.”

Well there was a promise the Doctor hadn’t managed to keep. She’d tried to tear time itself apart to save Clara, and worst of all, she’d never even known if it succeeded. Testimony didn’t remember whether Clara had lived or died- it’d been taken the moment before the raven hit- before the Doctor had tried to pull her from her timeline. She had no memory of anything that’d happened with Clara after this, and while she knew they’d been together on Gallifrey, she didn’t know how permanent that salvation might be, or what about it had taken her memories to begin with.

“What about me?” Eyebrows asked, and the Doctor who was watching him managed a harsh, bitter laugh. Clara was dying, and as usual her former self was there to be selfish and make her comfort him.

“If there was something I could do about that I would. I guess we’ll both just need to be brave.”

“Clara-“ He was trying to argue again, but all at once she was pulling him into a hug, and looking at the desperation of it from the outside, the Doctor just knew that Clara was trying to pull some comfort from it too, since Eyebrows hadn’t been offering her any.

She’d been human, and she’d been dying, and she’d been scared, but she’d forced herself to be brave so her friend didn’t have to be.

Looking back on it, Clara had always been so much stronger than the Doctor had ever been.

“Don’t run.” It had to be the first time she’d ever said that to one of her friends in a bad spot. “Stay with me.” Eyebrows was practically begging her now. Worse than that, the Doctor knew that if she had to go back and do it again, she wouldn’t be any stronger.

“Nah.” She could see how heard Clara was working to keep her tone casual, not wanting to hurt the Doctor any more than this whole thing already would. It was heart breaking, really, knowing that even in her final moments she’d had to suppress her own feelings to try and save her pain. “You stay here. In the end everybody does this alone.”

She shouldn’t have had to do it alone.

“Clara-“ Eyebrows tried again, and if the Doctor wasn’t stuck in her self-imposed cell, she might have hit him. This was his last chance- why couldn’t he say something to her? Why couldn’t he make sure that she died knowing how deeply she was loved.

“This is as brave as I know how to be. I know it’s gonna hurt you but- please. Be a little proud of me?”

There was a hopeful note to Clara’s tone despite everything, and in the end that was what really broke the Doctor. Her hand was pressed against the glass, desperate to say something, but unable to- the sands of time separated them more surely than the glass ever could.

“Always.” She promised, because if Eyebrows wouldn’t say it, then this new Doctor would. “I’m always gonna be proud of you.”

Clara turned away from her, and walked towards her grave.

“No no no no…”

The Doctor’s eyes blinked open, giving her a hazy view of the warm purple walls of the TARDIS library. She was curled up in one of the armchairs near the fire, her eyes still heavy with sleep. How long had it been since she’d last slept? Weeks, at least. Maybe months. And since she’d last slept properly? Well that had been decades.

Her hands ached from where she’d been clutching onto the arms of the chair.

Her eyes were already falling closed again, too exhausted to even force herself to stay awake.

“If you die here it’ll mean I never even met you.”

She’d never really appreciated how true that statement was. Without the Doctor blundering through her mother’s life, River Song would never have existed. Melody Williams (would she even have been called Melody, with the paradox of her name?) would have grown up safe and happy, the human daughter of the journalist and the nurse. She’d have had a normal life. She’d have been raised by loving parents, and have had a happy childhood, and maybe even brothers and sisters- maybe she’d have still written books, or taught archelogy, and had a much happier marriage than theirs had been.

Melody Pond would have been so much better off if she had never met the Doctor.

“Time can be rewritten.” For once, she seemed to be in agreement with Sandshoes. He was selfish, but at least he’d have been doing her a favour.

“Not those times. Not one line. Don't you dare. It's okay. It's okay. It's not over for you. You'll see me again. You've got all of that to come. You and me, time and space. You watch us run.”

Live great lives. That’s what she’d told her fam. If anyone had lived up to that, and lived a great life despite the Doctor’s meddling, it had been River Song. They’d had some amazing times, saved so many people, so many planets. There were stars out there still burning because River Song had been there to save them.

If the Doctor had found a better way around getting the people out of there, there might have been so many more.

The computer counting down the seconds left of her life in the background wasn’t helping the way that the Doctor’s hearts were pounding. She was crying, now- she wasn’t sure when that had begun.

From her cell, she watched Sandshoes babble on about his guilt- his suspicions, being expertly put down by River. She was so used to shutting him up when he was talking about things he didn’t know anything about- she could really use that, right now.

She should have saved her.

“Hush now. Spoilers…”

River smiled, and the Doctor lunged at the glass in front of her, shouting words that even she could barely comprehend. She was still clawing desperately at the glass when the room flashed bright white.

The Time Lord didn’t even fully wake that time, despite having thrown herself onto the floor at some point during her anguish. She was barely drawn out of her nightmares for a moment, a noise that sounded awfully like a whimper escaping her. Her eyes were shut too-tightly, and she had her arms wrapped tightly around herself, fingernails digging into her arms as though that would protect her from the horrors of her own mind.

“Who decides they’re so unimportant? You?”

The Doctor knew where she was this time without even looking up. Somehow, this scared her even more. She wasn’t watching a loved one die, she was watching her own stupid power-play blow up in her face. This hadn’t been a mercy mission, it’d been her trying to prove to the whole Universe that the Doctor had power over all.

“For a long time now I thought I was just a survivor, but I’m not. I’m the winner- that’s who I am. The Time Lord victorious.”

“And there’s no one to stop you?”

“No.”

“This is wrong, Doctor. I don’t care who you are. The Time Lord victorious is wrong.”

Captain Adelaide. She’d been so brilliant- she’d understood more about this than her idiot younger self ever could. The Doctor just about managed to give her a smile from behind her glass wall before she resumed staring at Sandshoes in disgust.

“That’s for me to decide. Now, you better get home.”

It was chilling. Watching her old face shift so quickly. Darkness turned cocky in an instant as he pointed his sonic at the door. Unlike with the other dreams, The Doctor wasn’t shouting. She didn’t try to say a word, just watched on with self-loathing and dread weighing down her hearts. A silent spectator of her darkest moment since the Time War.

Sandshoes smirked at that brave, doomed woman, challenging her to argue her fate further. He’d set himself up as a self-styled God. “Oh it’s all locked up- you’ve been away. Still, that’s easy.”

“Is there nothing you can’t do?”

“Not anymore.”

She watched as the great Time Lord Victorious turned his back on Adelaide. She watched as the captain drew her gun. She braced herself for that flash of blue light and the thud of a body hitting the floor.

“Don’t do it, Adelaide.” She was talking to nobody, but she still couldn’t help herself trying to butt in- trying to fix the damage she hadn’t noticed until it was too late. “You don’t have to do this. You don’t-“

“Doctor?”

A hand on her shoulder drew her out of there before she had to watch that, jolting her awake. She came to, immediately caught off guard by the shadow of someone standing over her, and the scent of a familiar perfume hitting her. It took her a moment or so to place it, but when she did her hearts picked up a little. Yaz. Brilliant, wonderful, human Yaz who’d probably just heard her rambling all sorts of scary nonsense in her sleep.

“Doctor are you alright?”

The Doctor swallowed a little too hard and sat up quickly enough to make her head spin, forcing a familiar, false grin to spread across her face. Her body was aching from sleeping on the wooden floor, and she was pretty sure she was going to be bruised from where she’d fallen off the chair.

“Yaz! Yasmin Khan- Sorry, must have nodded off-“ Her voice sounded a little false even to her own ears, and she did her best to pass it off with a yawn.

“Sorry, just, you were talkin’ in your sleep an’ I thought-“ Yaz looked a little sheepish about waking her, and her eyes were full of concern.

“Oh, yeah. Sorry- Time Lord. Vivid dreams- I was…” She forced another yawn, trying to give herself time to think of a lie. “Did I ever tell you about the time I met a real life siren on a pirate ship? That was a good one, that. Dream about that one a lot. M’fine, though. Really.”

Yaz shot her a look that showed she didn’t believe the Doctor for a moment. There was a beats pause, before she exploded

“Are you kiddin’ me?! You’re not ‘fine’!” She drew air quotes around that last word, straightening up, to stand over the Doctor, showing she was serious.

“I’m-“

“I swear if you say ‘fine’ I’m gonna-”

The Doctor shut her mouth before Yaz could finish the threat.

There was a tense moment, almost like a standoff between the two of them, before Yasmin’s hard eyes softened, and she bent down to help the Doctor to her feet.

“I’m worried about y’.”

Suppressing her initial urge to insist that she was fine, the Doctor bit her lip.

“You shouldn’t be.” She eventually managed.

“When was the last time ‘y slept?” Yaz asked.

“About a minute ago.” The Doctor tried to make a joke. Yaz laughed weakly.

“Before that.” She clarified, glancing at the floor where she’d found the doctor collapsed.

“…I don’t remember.” The Doctor admitted.

Yaz sucked in a surprised breath through clenched teeth.

“Doctor-“

“I’m not human. I don’t need as much sleep as you lot.”

Raising an eyebrow, Yaz gave her another of those easy, disbelieving looks. “And that’s why I found you passed out on the floor cryin’?”

The Doctor blinked, bringing her hand up to her face. Sure enough, she’d been crying- she hadn’t even realised. Waking up with tears in her eyes was just normal by now.

“What’s so bad that it’s keepin’ you up?” Yaz leant forwards, taking one of the Doctor’s hands in both of her own. “Please don’t lie to me.”

There was an earnestness in her eyes that reminded the Doctor of all the people she’d loved most. Rose, Amy, River, Clara. Even Koschei. She’d always liked the people who could be honest with her the best- she needed honest people to stop her tearing herself apart and taking everyone else with her.

“I’ve lost a lot of people, Yaz.” She said, resigned note in her voice. “You saw Gallifrey. My home world is gone, my wife is gone, my children are gone, my granddaughter is gone. I’ve lost most of my friends, and- since Gallifrey, I can’t block them out anymore. I see them die every night.”

All at once, Yaz leaned forwards, just like Clara had in her dream, wrapping her arms tightly around the Doctor, holding her grounded to the spot. Even that brief contact allowed some of the tension in the Doctor’s body to loosen, her shoulder’s slumping as she leant into the contact.

“’m sorry.”

“So am I.”

Yaz pulled herself back from the hug, keeping her hands firmly on the Doctor’s arms, so she could ground her while looking her in the eyes.

“Have you got a bedroom on board?” She asked.

“Somewhere. How come?”

Yaz smiled, “Because you’ve gotta sleep sometime, and I think it’s probably comfier than the floor.” She let one of her hands fall, the other moving up to brush the hair out of the Doctor’s eyes. “Come on.”

She caught Yaz’s wrist in her hand, suddenly looking nervous. She was really worried where her subconscious would go from what had to be one of the worst things she’d ever done. “I don’t wanna. Not yet.”

“Y’ need to.” Yaz insisted, still trying her best to smile. The Doctor recognised that look from how often she herself wore it- that false-cheer that just barely covered the worry. “I promise I’ll sit with y’ the whole time- I can wake you up if you start makin’ noise.”

The Doctor thought about that for a minute. It’d certainly been easier to deal with the dream about Adelaide since she’d been pulled out of it before she actually had to hear the shot go off. If Yaz could pull her out of the bad moments before she had to see anything too bad- Maybe it would let the Doctor get a bit of sleep. It wasn’t the most elegant solution, and it didn’t seem as though it would last too long, but- it was an infinitely better one than her current plan of depriving herself of sleep until she could hardly stand.

“You really wouldn’t mind?” She eventually asked, her fingers still resting around Yaz’s wrist, though she wasn’t trying to use them to push her away any more.

“I love you. Let me take care of you, for once.”

There was another slight pause, before the Doctor let go of her hand, nodding. “Okay.”

Yaz let out a relieved breath. “Thank you.”

“For what?” The Doctor turned to her, genuine confusion etched across her features.

Yaz took another step closer, cupping the Doctor’s face in one hand, and giving her the most genuine smile either of them had shared since they’d reunited. “For letting me in.”

#thirteenth doctor #doctor who #thasmin #yasmin khan #yaz khan #madeathing

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biscuitfam · 4 years ago

Text

Our What?

Summary: The man is daft, plain and simple. While he’s highly intelligent in almost very field know to universal kind — keeping his wife from killing him is not one.

WC: 800

Warnings: just some light angst maybe?

A/N: I need to add more to my queue, but i haven’t been feeling well lately. I should hopefully get more fics coming soon!

“ It’s out what?” Truthfully, he looked comparable to a deer caught up in the headlights as the two of you sat around Amy’s kitchen table laughing and drinking tea until the topic of marriage came forth. While Amy and Rory were planning their marriage — you and the Doctor had been on four years today.

However, he failed to remember.

You frowned slightly and lowered your cup to the rose-patterned saucer with a little force. The heat of your cheeks burned red hot and heart sunk to your feet. The embarrassment flooded your system at what you heard from him. Three simple words. Yes, he’s an alien, and yes he didn’t understand some human customs. He did understand this one fully though — it just slipped his mind.

Rory turned towards Amy with a nervous and awkward look plastered on his face, “ More tea, anyone?” He asked before grabbing the teapot and rushing inside, stumbling over his own two left feet. Amy was apologetic as she gently tried to grab your hand before you stood and yanked it away.

You stormed away she stood and stopped the Doctor with a firm hand to the chest. “ You’re so thick, Doctor. How could you forget your anniversary with her?”

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair pulling at the roots, “ I don't understand why this matters, though. It’s just another human holiday. An averagely silly holiday. We’re already married, so why the need to celebrate it further?”

The ginger glared at the man with a deep settled frown on her freckled face. How could she be friends with him at this moment? She tried unbelievably hard to help him understand the customs of humans. However, she couldn’t believe his complete stupidity currently. She pointed a finger towards the blue box lighting up the bushes just down the sidewalk.

“ Alright, alright -- I’m going! Going, see?” He raises and shakes his hands in a Jazz-Hands styled manner as the ginger girl pushed him away from her patio. He groaned and walked away with a bowed head and a sense of burning dread.

It had been hours since you had even glanced at him and he was dying. The boredom and guilt burned through the man allied to bright nebula and newborn stars. It was fire-filled. He sat outside at the beach-side harbor reading articles from magazines such as ‘Cosmo’ Some sections made his ears turn pink and eyes widen.

While he isn’t exactly a virgin the topic still makes him blush brightly. This regeneration wasn’t as mature as the others by far. Although, these articles were giving him some ideas on what women wanted— well, so he thought. His cheeks flared and he threw the magazine with force as he heard the doors of the TARDIS opened.

The Doctor turned and his eyes locked into yours with a look of fear and embarrassment crossing his face.

“ Top ten tips for better sex life? Seriously?” You raised a brow at the magazine cover as the man jumped to his feet and shook his head vigorously

“ No, no, no. It’s not that at all-“ He let out a light laugh and bowed his head nervously scratching his head. “ I was reading what women wish for in a relationship. Romance! I need tips..”

You looked away with an upset look on your face before turning back to him, “ You don’t need tips. You know how much I love you for you. I love how you treat me, I just miss when you showed it. Now that we’re married you don’t do that as much.”

The bow-tied man tilted his head in shame. Truthfully, he didn’t do as much as he did. He knew he hadn’t. He hadn’t been the best man he could be towards you, his wife. The Doctor had been slowing on the romance, and you felt you had become of a companion once over. He slipped his hand to yours, interlocking your fingers tightly.

“ I promise you I’ll try my hardest. I’ll try. I’ll be the man you fell in love with, the romantic.” He tips your head up and runs his thin fingers through your hair. These moments made your body weak and erupt with shivers. He’s sweet, sensitive, and caring. It makes your heart weep. You bury yourself into his chest and slide your fingers lower into the belt loops of his pants.

“ I’ll forgive if we can go back to the Resistance. I’ve always loved that era.” You let out a cheeky laugh and bounced back into the box teasing him to follow you.

The Doctor swore one of these days you’d be the death of him. He smiled at the idea.

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mintypineapple · 4 years ago

Note

dw ask game 1-36 and 38-100 DON'T ANSWER NUMBER 37 I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT CRYING

DaThanks, anon who is probably @truestoriesaboutme!

CHILDHOOD

1. Did you like DW as a child?

Depends. What do you consider a child? I saw Doctor Who for the first time when I was 16 or 17. Does that count? Let’s say that it does. I did enjoy it.

2. Your age at the time of the revival?

16.

3. First DW episode you ever saw?

An Unearthly Child. I wanted to watch it all in order! Still do! My first New Who episode was “Blink,” as forced upon me by @raisegrate. I did enjoy it.

4. Did you have any of the toys?

I didn’t at the time, but I do now. I have a couple of screwdrivers, a Fourth Doctor, an Ice Warrior, and not-quite-Legos of Doctors 1-11. (-WD)

5. Which DW character did you play on the playground?

N/A.

6. Monster(s) that scared you most as a child?

N/A. Nothing scares me.

7. Joke/story you didn’t get as a kid?

N/A. I get all jokes/stories.

8. DW opinion that has changed since you were a kid?

That the only way to watch it was from the very beginning. I eventually gave in and watched New Who before finishing Classic Who.

9. Who introduced you to DW?

Pretty sure I heard about it initially on a forum I went to called The Douglas Adams Continuum. That’s when I started watching the First Doctor. Again, @raisegrate showed me my first New Who. Eventually, I started watching New Who in its entirety with @catastrofries and they started watching Classic Who with me for @rassilonwatchathon.

10. Did you like Sarah Jane Adventures as a child?

Didn’t even know it existed as a child. But I liked it as an adult.

Read more under the cut. There’s a lot!

DOCTOR

11. Who is your Doctor?

One. He’s the first I saw and I’ve went through some of his more than once, due to the podcast, so he has a special place in my heart.

12. Your favourite Doctor?

It varies depending on the day. I quite like Two, Eleven, and Twelve, though.

13. Least favourite Doctor?

Possibly 5 or 13? More because they don’t get a whole lot to do, than them being bad.

14. Best regeneration?

Technically speaking, there’s something about that first one that is still so good. Emotionally speaking, Two’s regeneration is terrifying and I quite like Twelve’s speech before regenerating.

15. Do you like “Doctor-Lite” episodes?

Yeah! They’re all pretty good! Even “Love and Monsters!” Yeah, I said it! (The end is bad, but the rest is good.)

16. Who is the most human Doctor?

One calls himself human a handful of times. Does that count? If not, definitely Five. He seems the most like a regular guy in a weird situation out of all of them.

17. Best multi-Doctor story?

The Day of the Doctor, for sure.

18. Best Doctor monologue?

Eleven’s speech to young Amy in “The Big Bang.” That episode is just solid all around.

19. What do you think TenToo/MetaCrisis Doctor is doing now?

He’s definitely fucked off somewhere and abandoned Rose. He runs a cat cafe that is definitely a front for something, but no one can quite figure out what.

20. Best Doctor/companion pairing?

One/Barbara, Two/Jamie, Three/Jo, Four/Leela, Five/Tegan, (haven’t seen enough of Six, any of Seven, and I honestly don’t remember the companion for Eight), Nine/Rose (that’s the only option!), Ten/Donna, Eleven/Amy-Rory, Twelve/Clara, Ruth/Thirteen.

COMPANIONS

21. Favourite companion?

Classic Who: This is hard. Jamie? Sarah Jane? Leela? New Who: Donna Noble.

22. Favourite secondary companion?

Not sure what this means exactly... My second favorite? If so, I gave three for favorite Classic Who, so one of them. New Who: Rory.

23. Least favourite companion?

Classic: Ben Jackson or Peri. New: Ryan.

24. Best TARDIS Team?

Classic: Two, Jamie, and Zoe. New: Eleven, Amy, and Rory.

25. Most underrated companion?

I love Steven Taylor. I feel like he doesn’t get mentioned enough.

26. Most overrated companion?

Probably gonna get some hate for this, but Romana II. She’s good and I like her, but I was expecting a lot more. I honestly prefer Romana I.

27. Favourite companion’s family?

I love Rory’s dad.

28. Who should have been a companion but wasn’t?

Kamelion. AM I RIGHT? But seriously, Amelia Rumford from “The Stones of Blood.”

29. Favourite (canon or non-canon) DW universe relationship?

Amy/Rory.

30. Who did you not used to like, but really like now?

I hated Tegan when she first came on, but now I love her.

EPISODES

31. Favourite episode ever?

“Heaven Sent.”

32. Least favourite episode?

“Time-Flight” gave me a literal headache.

33. Which episodes do you skip?

NONE. Of course, I’ve not done any rewatches. YET.

34. Best two-parter?

“The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances” are the first New Who episodes that fully sold me on the show.

35. Historical, present day or futuristic episodes?

Give me the future and make it weird!

36. Episode that will always make you smile?

“The Myth Makers.”

37 HAS BEEN REDACTED.

38. Best run of episodes?

“Vincent and the Doctor” through “Day of the Moon” is pretty solid.

39. Best cliffhanger?

“Vengeance on Varos.” Hands fucking down.

40. Favourite Christmas special?

The answer to question 37. “A Christmas Carol.”

SERIES

41. Classic Who or New Who?

Yes please! (Though New Who will take this a little just because the pace is generally a lot better.)

42. Favourite series?

I’m not sure about Classic (I have a harder time thinking of them as different series), but New is definitely 5.

43. Least favourite series?

11.

44. Which series do you skip?

See 33.

45. Favourite series opening?

“The Eleventh Hour.” It’s just a lot of fun.

46. Favourite series finale?

“The Big Bang.” IT’S A GOOD SERIES.

47. Best series arc?

So I don’t sound repetitive and say Series 5 again, Clara’s arc in her last season is great.

48. Thoughts on series 11/12?

I find it largely boring and not well-written. Though there are some things I like! I love Ruth a bunch.

49. How much of Classic Who have you seen?

I’ve seen from “An Unearthly Child” to “The Two Doctors.” And the movie.

50. Who should have had another series?

Doctor: Nine. Or Eight. Or Ruth. Companion: Kamelion, but done better.

MONSTERS

51. Favourite monster/villain?

I love them Fuzzy Chicken Nuggets. (The Yeti.)

52. Most creative monster?

The Silence are an interesting concept.

53. Monster(s) that scares you most?

OAK AND QUILL from “Fury From the Deep.” Fuck those guys.

54. Monster you think is too easy to defeat?

I hate power level questions. Next.

55. Least favourite monster/villain?

I get really tired of the Daleks sometimes, y’all.

56. Monster you want to return?

Chumblies or quarks.

57. In your opinion, what makes a monster good?

The writing. You can do great things with most of them. Even the ones you dislike. Like, I hate the farting aliens, but they are occasionally used well.

58. Daleks, Cybermen or Weeping Angels?

If I had to pick, I’d say... Cybermen. Daleks are very samey and loud. Weeping Angels get less interesting every time they are used. But there’s a human element to the Cybermen that, when utilized, can be very effective and unsettling.

59. Best Dalek story?

The one where Two rides around on ones he made nice.

60. Best one time villain/monster?

I don’t know what it is, but whatever it is in “Midnight.”

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

61. Torchwood or Sarah Jane Adventures?

SJA is more consistent, but the highs of Torchwood are higher.

62. Favourite Torchwood Team member?

Owen. But like... not season one Owen.

63. Which Torchwood death made you saddest?

See 62.

64. Do you rewatch COE or MD?

I haven’t rewatched anything yet. But I would rewatch COE before MD.

65. Favourite SJA Team member?

Clyde.

66. Mr Smith or K-9?

Mr. Smith is way more interesting. He had a villain arc!

67. Maria or Rani?

Rani.

68. Do you read the comics/novels or listen to Big Finish?

Some. I’m doing them as Patreon bonus episodes for @rassilonwatchathon. I haven’t done much though.

69. If you do, your favourite additional stories?

“The Chimes of Midnight.” I’ve listened to it twice.

70. Do you like DW analysis (video essays, fan theories, etc)?

I do DW analysis for @rassilonwatchathon AND The Dipp. So yes. My fave is TARDIS Eruditorum, though.

I’LL ANSWER THE REST AT A LATER TIME. I MUST BE WITH MY PEOPLE NOW.

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thelittlesttimelord · 4 years ago

Text

The Littlest Timelord: The Fall of the Eleventh Chapter 16

TITLE: The Littlest Timelord: The Fall of the Eleventh Chapter 16 PAIRING: No Pairing RATING: T CHAPTER: 16/? SUMMARY: Elise Smith is now a teenaged Timelord. In addition to losing the Ponds, the fields of Trenzalore are calling. But first they have to figure out exactly who Clara Oswald is.

[A/N - Oh my god. Here we go. These next few chapters will heavily influence Elise’s up and coming regeneration. It’s not pretty, so it will impact the personality of her next body and that body’s journey.]

The Doctor, the Ponds, and Elise were enjoying the nice sunny day in New York City. The Doctor and Amy were reading, while Elise was sitting in front of her easel painting Central Park. Rory was just lounging on the rocks they were perched on.

No running, just relaxing.

“New York growled at my window, but I was ready for it. My stocking seams were straight, my lipstick was combat ready, and I was packing cleavage that could fell an ox at twenty feet,” the Doctor read.

“Doctor, you're doing it again,” Amy told him.

“I'm reading!”

“Aloud. Please could you not?”

The Doctor turned around to look at her. “There's something different about you, isn't there?”

“What's the book?” Rory asked.

“Melody Malone. She's a private detective in old town New York.”

“She's got ice in her heart and a kiss on her lips, and a vulnerable side she keeps well hidden,” Amy recited.

“Oh, you've read it?”

“You read it. Aloud. And then went Yowza!”

“You know, only you could fancy someone in a book,” Rory told him.

“I'm just reading it. I just like the cover.”

“Ooo, can we see the cover?” Amy asked.

“No, no, I'm busy.” He examined Amy again. “It's your hair! Is it your hair?”

“Oh, shut up. It's the glasses.” She fiddled with them. “I'm wearing reading glasses now, on my nose, see? There you go.”

“I don't like them. They make your eyes look all liney.” He raised the glasses. “No, actually, sorry. They're fine. Carry on.” And then lowered them.

Rory jumped up. “Okay, I'm going to go and get us some more coffee. Who wants more coffee? Me too. I'll go!” Rory grabbed Elise’s arm and pulled her up.

“Hey!”

“Rory, do I have noticeable lines on my eyes now?” Amy asked him.

“Yes,” the Doctor said.

“No,” Rory answered.

“You didn't look,” Amy said.

Rory turned around and said, “I noticed them earlier. Didn't notice them. I specifically remember not noticing them.”

“You walk among fire pits, Centurion.”

“Do I have to come over there?” Rory walked over to her.

“You can if you like.”

“Well, we have company.”

“I'll get a babysitter.”

Amy and Rory kissed.

The Doctor sighed while Elise just made a disgusted face.

“Oh, do you know, it is so humiliating when you do that,” the Doctor told them.

“Coffee?” Rory asked Amy.

“Coffee.”

Rory and Elise walked off.

“You two are so gross,” she told him.

“Just you wait missy. You’ll find your own “Boy Who Waited” and then you’ll understand.”

Elise and Rory, grabbed coffee (or cocoa in Elise’s case) and started walking back to Amy and the Doctor.

As they walked back, they heard giggling of children and tiny footsteps.

Elise’s senses immediately went on high alert. “We need to get back to Amy and the Doctor. Come on,” Elise told him.

They turned back and suddenly it was nighttime.

“What are you doing here?” a familiar voice asked.

Elise spun around and hugged River.

“We…we just went to get coffees for the Doctor and Amy. Hello, River,” Rory said.

“Hello, Dad. Little Star.”

“Where are we? How the hell did we get here?”

“I haven't the faintest idea, but you'll probably want to put your hands up.”

A man was pointing a gun at them.

Rory turned around and put his hands up, while Elise clung to River.

A man came up behind River and Elise. “Melody Malone?”

“You're Melody?” Rory asked.

A limo pulled up next to them.

“Get in,” the man told them.

“What’s going on?” Rory asked as they got into the limo.

Elise sat next to River with her arms around the woman’s waist.

“You didn't come here in the TARDIS, obviously,” River said.

“Why?” Rory asked.

“He couldn't have. Besides, he would have never left Elise on her own like this. At least not yet. This city's full of time distortions. It'd be impossible to land the TARDIS here. Like trying to land a plane in a blizzard. Even I couldn't do it.”

“So how did you get here?”

“Vortex manipulator. Less bulky than a TARDIS. A motorbike through traffic. You?”

“I'm not sure.”

“I’m pretty sure I know how. It was the Angels.”

Elise was immediately transported back to the Byzantium. She hated the Weeping Angels. They were the subject of many of her nightmares as a child.

They pulled up to a house and were led in.

River spotted a china vase. “Ah. Early Qin dynasty, I'd say.”

A man appeared at the top of the staircase. “Correct. Are you an archaeologist as well as a detective?” He came down the stairs and stopped in front of them. “Early Qin, just as you say. You're very well informed.”

“And you're very afraid. That's an awful lot of locks for one door,” River told him.

“River, I'm translating,” Rory said as the Chinese characters transformed into English.

“It's a gift of the TARDIS. It hangs around.”

The man pointed at Rory. “This one. Put him somewhere uncomfortable.”

“Oh, great,” Rory sighed.

“With the babies, sir?” one of the thugs asked.

“Yes, why not? Give him to the babies.”

They grabbed Rory.

“Rory!” Elise called after him. The other thug grabbed her.

“As for this one, put her upstairs in one of the bedrooms.” The man approached her and ran his finger down her cheek.

Elise jerked her head out of his grasp.

“I’m going to have fun breaking you.”

Elise tried breaking free of the thug and screamed for River. “River, River, please!”

It broke River’s heart to hear her screaming, but she had faith that the Doctor would come.

“Mum! Mum!”

The thug dragged her kicking and screaming upstairs. He threw her to the floor in one of the bedrooms.

Elise heard the door lock behind her and she dissolved into tears on the fancy rug.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Elise heard the TARDIS engines and got up, running to the door. “Dad! River! Amy!”

Elise listened and could hear Amy’s voice calling for Rory. “Amy! Amy! I’m in here! Let me out!”

The door opened and Amy stood there. “Elise! Where’s Rory?”

“I…I don’t know. They didn’t bring him up here. I was so scared…”

Amy wrapped her arms around the young Timelord. “It’s okay. You’re safe now. The Doctor’s here.”

They went back downstairs.

The Doctor and River were in the study and a Weeping Angel was holding River’s wrist.

“Why do you have to break mine?” they heard River ask.

“Because Amy read it in a book, and now I have no choice,” the Doctor told her. He turned to see Amy and Elise. “You see?”

“What book?”

“Your book.” The Doctor pulled it out of his jacket pocket. “Which you haven't written yet, so we can't read.”

“I see. I don't like the cover much.”

The Doctor threw himself on the couch.

Elise, despite wanting him to comfort her, could tell he was in one of his moods.

“But if River's going to write that book, she'd make it useful, yeah?” Amy asked.

“I'll certainly try. But we can't read ahead, it's too dangerous,” River told her.

“I know, but there must be something we can look at.”

“What, a page of handy hints, previews, spoiler free?” the Doctor asked.

“Chapter titles,” Amy said.

The Doctor quickly scanned the chapter titles. “He's in the cellar.”

“Gimme!” Amy held her hand out and the Doctor tossed her his sonic screwdriver.

He walked over to River and kissed her cheek. He started to leave, but stopped.

“Doctor? Doctor, what is it? What's wrong? Tell me,” River said.

The Doctor looked at the chapter titles again.

“Doctor? Doctor, what is it, tell me.”

Both River and Elise knew a meltdown was coming.

“Okay, I know that face. Calm down. Calm down! Talk to me. Doctor!”

The Doctor stalked over to River and for a split second, Elise thought he was going to hit her.

Elise put herself between the two of them and held the Doctor back.

“No! Get your wrist out. You get your wrist out without breaking it!” the Doctor hissed at River.

“How?”

The Doctor stormed from the room. “I don't know. Just do it. Change the future!”

Elise and River were left standing there.

Elise walked over to the book and picked it up, scanning the chapter titles to find out what set the Doctor off. Elise felt her hearts break for the Doctor, but there was nothing they could do. Elise looked at River. “What do we do?”

“I don’t know, sweetie. There’s no way I’m going to be able to get my wrist out without breaking it.”

“It’s set in stone, isn’t it?”

“I’m afraid so, Little Star.”

“Do it.” Elise closed her eyes and heard the sound of River’s wrist snapping.

River walked over to Elise and took the book from her. “Whatever you do, don’t say anything to your father. He needs to believe for as long as possible, do you understand?”

Elise nodded.

They couldn’t afford for the Doctor to become emotional again. That’s when he made mistakes.

They joined Amy and the Doctor in the foyer.

“So, is this what's going to happen? We just keep chasing him and they keep pulling him further back?” Amy asked.

River was using her computer to track Rory. “He isn't back in time. I'm reading a displacement, but there are no temporal markers. He's been moved in space, not in time, and it's not that far from here by the look of it.”

The Doctor smiled. “You got out.”

“So, where is he?” Amy asked.

The Doctor paced as River tried to pinpoint where Rory was. “Well, come on, come on, come on, where is he?”

“If it was that easy, I'd get you to do it,” River told him.

“How did you get your wrist out without breaking it?”

“You asked, I did. Problem?”

The Doctor laughed. “You just changed the future.”

“It's called marriage, honey. Now, hush, I'm working.”

The Doctor sat down next to Amy. “She's good, have you noticed? Really, really good.”

“Ah, wherever it is, it's within a few blocks. There's a car out front. Shall we steal it?”

“Show me!” The Doctor jumped up and grabbed River’s broken hand.

River gasped and the Doctor realized what was going on. The Doctor took the computer and the Vortex Manipulator from River and handed it to Amy.

River sat on the stairs, cradling her wrist.

“Okay, when all those numbers on both units go to zero, that's when we've got a lock, okay? It's how we find Rory.”

“Got it.”

The Doctor walked over to River and sat next to her. “Why did you lie to me?”

“When one's in love with an ageless god who insists on the face of a twelve year old, one does one's best to hide the damage.”

The Doctor gently took River’s wrist in his hand. “It must hurt. Come here.”

“Yes. The wrist is pretty bad too,” River tried to joke.

Elise watched as regeneration energy flowed into River’s hand.

“No. No. No, stop that. Stop that. Stop it!”

“There you go.” The Doctor kissed the back of River’s hand. “How's that?”

“Well, let's see, shall we?” River slapped him.

“That was a stupid waste of regeneration energy. Nothing is gained by you being a sentimental idiot.”

“River!” the Doctor yelled.

“No! You embarrass me.”

“River!”

River stormed outside, Elise following.

#eleventh doctor #eleventh doctor imagine #eleventh doctor fanfiction #doctor who #doctor who imagine #Doctor Who fanfiction #amy pond #amy pond imagine #Rory Williams #rory williams imagine #river song #river song imagine #the littlest timelord #the littlest timelord: the fall of the eleventh #the angels take manhattan

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saiilorstars · 4 years ago

Text

Next Stop, Everywhere

Chapter 24: Angelic Detour

Fandom: Doctor Who

Pairing: 10th Doctor x Female OC

(Minerva’s face claim: Victoria Camacho)

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Chapter summary: The Weeping Angels have attacked and trapped Minerva, the Doctor and Martha in 1969. They have to try to live a normal life for the time being. Of course, there's a reason why Minerva's so angry with the Doctor and Martha. Plus, there's a birthday coming up...

// Story Masterlist //

Late September, 1969.

"You idiot! You did this to us on purpose?" I smacked the Doctor on the arm and Martha did the same to his other arm. We were both equally angry with him right now.

The three of us walked down a dark street of London...in 1969. This was nowhere near the place we wanted to go to and yet this was the place we would be stuck in for God knows how much time.

"At least he had the audacity to wait for me to get back," Martha shook her head, "Because letting a Weeping Angel send us back to 1969 together was so much better."

"I was trying to keep us together!" The Doctor tried making a defense but Martha and I smacked him again.

"Wouldn't it have been smarter to run?" Martha raised an eyebrow at him.

"Couldn't exactly do that!"

"What do you mean!? It's what you always do!" I shouted, attracting some of the attention of the people walking past us.

The Doctor, Martha, and I had had a good run of trips lately, and then came the damn statues. Martha and I found ourselves in an old mansion in 2007, courtesy of the Doctor who didn't even bother to tell us the purpose of that destination...until now. We'd found ourselves surrounded by 'Weeping Angels' and were touched by the same one...thanks to the Doctor. Next thing we knew, we were in London, 1969.

"But this sort of already happened," he reached inside his coat's pocket and pulled out a file, "According to Sally Sparrow, the Doctor, Minerva Souza and Martha Jones get sent back to 1969 by Weeping Angels," he read off the file.

"It's called rewriting history!" Martha shouted.

"But if we didn't do this, this Sally woman could be harmed, and is that something either of you are okay with?" He looked between us with a knowing look. "Hm?"

"I have my humanity," I grumbled, the answer being of course I'd get stuck in 1969 to avoid the harm of Sally, even if I never met her.

"A bit too much, mind you," Martha mumbled, "You're too sweet."

"Sue me for being too kind," I shrugged.

"It'll be fine," the Doctor assured, "We'll all be fine. Just as long as we follow everything on this," he gestured to the file, "Just fine."

"I'm mad at you," I declared. Even if this had to happen, he could've at least had the courtesy to tell Martha and I in advance so we wouldn't have been so terrified of those damn statues.

"You'll get over it!"

"Just like I may be 'too' sweet, I may be too angry."

"Oooh, I'd like to see some of that," Martha smirked, "I've never seen Minerva actually, properly mad."

The Doctor seemed a bit uneasy but this time I was seriously pissed off. And not just with him...Martha too. I learned a secret the two shared, and it was something I didn't expect to be hidden. But they did...

I was making my way to the console room, to continue our adventures...when I heard shouting.

"Kaeya WIPED her memories CLEAN? Doctor, don't you see?" Martha was shouting, making rounds around the console as she fumed, "She PURPOSELY did it! After everything that happened, she cleaned Minerva's head because she was coming back and wanted a chance with YOU," she pointed at the Doctor.

I raised an eyebrow, about to walk in and find out what the hell she was going on about...but I decided to stay back. If I came in, everything would stop and I wouldn't get my answers. So I hid in the corridors, listening intently to what they had to say.

"I can't...I can't believe Kaeya would do something like that. She wouldn't...perhaps it was the necklace's way of preventing pain," the Doctor was saying.

"What kind of pain would be so great that she had to forget everything?"

"A heartbreak," he breathed.

"Doctor, I'm telling you, Kaeya did this," Martha walked up to him, "When we were hiding, and we visited the TARDIS, Minerva had the necklace on and...Doctor, her EYES flashed BLUE. That's when she felt the watch being opened."

"Blue?"

"Yeah, and who had blue eyes?"

"...Kaeya."

"She possessed Minerva, and when she was done she wiped her head clean. How can you love someone like that? She's utterly selfish!"

"She doesn't do that...she can't. There-there has to be something else to it, something we don't know," the Doctor turned away.

Everything fell silent, but my mind raced with the questions. Had Kaeya had taken my memory away? What for? Why?

What had I done to make Kaeya want to take my memories away? I had done what she asked for. I delivered her message: she was alive. Why had I still been punished? I was furious. Furious with Kaeya...I had literally done nothing to get her hatred. So what had happened?

But apart from that, I was fuming because the people I cared about, who were supposedly like a family...hid that secret from me. I had my memories wiped clean and they didn't tell me by who. They knew who had done it and they kept quiet, acted like it had been just an accident from all the chaos.

I was hurt.

And hurt led to anger.

~0~

London, 2007.

A dirty blonde woman, Sally Sparrow, jumped a fence leading to a private property, cautiously looking around for anyone who could catch her. She made her way into the house, kicking some boards down with few struggle. Once she entered, she found a torch and started looking around, occasionally snapping pictures of her surroundings. She noticed a certain wall where the paper had begun to peal and walked for it, pulling it back to find the word "Beware" written down. She tilted her head and pulled more, finding the phrase, "The Weeping Angel'. With another pull, she found 'Oh and duck! Really duck! "

"Huh," she set her camera down and with both hands pulled again, she found, "Sally Sparrow. Duck, now!"

She heard glass break from behind and immediately ducked as a large stone hit the wall where she was just a second ago. She stood up, mouth dropped at the sight, and turned to the window, using her torch to see who the hell had just done that.

There was only a angel statue.

Confused, she returned to the wall and removed the last strip of paper which read, "Love from the Doctor...and Minerva and Martha."

~0~

Early October, 1969.

"You're seriously not gonna add us to the message?" I frowned, watching the Doctor finish the last piece of the message he had written for Sally Sparrow. We were in the same mansion from 2007, only 1969...still.

"Oops, I forgot," the Doctor tilted his head at his message as he stood back.

"Give me that," I snatched the paint brush from him and moved up to the wall to add in my name and Martha's, "Rude."

"You're still angry?"

"You got us stuck in 1969 on purpose," Martha reminded, both of us still crossed, only Martha was slightly less than I. Of course most of my anger towards her and the Doctor stemmed from their little secret, "That doesn't just go away."

"I already explained my reasons!"

"Didn't care two weeks ago, don't care now," I stood up and handed him the paint brush.

"Let's just get out of here," Martha sighed, "We've got our jobs to attend to."

"Please don't remind me," I shook my head, "Out of all the jobs I've ever heard, this one is the worst. Everyone is demanding with their stupid clothes."

"Just have patience with them," Martha said.

"The only good thing is I've been able to make friends in that job that can help," I turned away from them. I could fake my way around my anger talk but my expressions were harder to control.

"I offered to get a job," the Doctor reminded, Martha and I immediately shaking our heads.

"NO!" We shouted, making him flinch.

"It was agreed," Martha began.

"We get jobs and you get us out of here," I finished for her.

It had been two weeks since the Doctor had gotten us to 1969. It hadn't been that hard to find us an apartment that first day, thankfully that landlord was sweet, well that and the fact he had a thing for Martha. She got us the first month free of rent! And thanks to the landlord, Michel, he had introduced me to a job at a department store...which sold clothes for children...very loud, very demanding, very fussy children. Martha on the other hand, had found a job at a flower shop. It was nicer, peaceful, and most importantly not stressful.

"I'm working on it," the Doctor replied, gesturing to the wall behind, "As you can see, it'll take some time."

"Let's just go, we can maybe stop by for an ice cream," Martha suggested, tensing at the glare I was giving the Doctor.

When she said she wanted to see just how angry I could be, she didn't actually mean it. The fact that it had been two weeks and I was still giving glares around was surprising to her. They were both surprised at my anger still lingering after so much time. But what could they expect after learning they were still hiding I deserved to know? Martha knew about Kaeya wiping my memories clean and she didn't utter a word to me. If she was my best friend, why didn't she say anything? She kept it a secret with the Doctor. Two months of my life are a complete blank and neither of them have had the audacity to tell me who was responsible for my memory loss. Neither of them told me it was Kaeya. She did this. After everything I had done for that woman, she took my memories.

The only question remained, why hadn't Martha and the Doctor told me anything?

~0~

Mid-October, 1969.

"Minerva?" Jerome, one of my co-workers, called, snapping me out of my thoughts.

I was standing behind the counter, supposed to be working out some numbers for this week's sales...and yet...I was thinking about the Doctor...and Kaeya...and Martha...and my memories.

"Minerva? How's the calculations?" The blonde man walked up to me, glancing down at the notepad which was half-empty, "Oh..."

"Sorry," I closed the notepad and set the pen down.

"Head in the clouds again?"

I nodded, "Perhaps..."

"You're always getting lost in your thoughts," he remarked, shaking his head in a playful disapproving manner.

"There's a lot to think about." That certainly didn't come close to everything that was going on.

"I can see, but mind my wondering," he set his elbows on the counter and rested his chin on his hands, "What's got a pretty girl so sad?"

"Sad?" I blinked, "Why would you think I'm sad?"

"It's in your eyes," he pointed, "Every time you get distracted, thinking...your eyes get really sad."

I sighed, "My eyes say a lot of things, apparently." Truthfully, I didn't want to think of my eyes, because it reminded me of the Doctor's words and to think of the Doctor reminded me of his little secret with Martha, which then reminded me of Kaeya and what she had unjustly did to me.

"Who hurt you?"

"My friends," I swallowed hard, looking down, "They kept something from me and I found out. I've been waiting for them to tell me about it, you know, give them the chance to do it...but they haven't said anything." I had no idea why I was telling him this with so much ease. But then I thought about Martha, my supposed best friend, and how she was always my confidant. Anything about the Doctor and Kaeya that conflicted me I told Martha about. But now that she was in on it, so...who was I to tell?

Jerome was nice. He was the first one that spoke to me on my first day on the job. I knew he had a crush on me, it was pretty clear after Martha pointed it out and all its signs, but he never made a move...he acted as a friend, a better one than the two I lived with.

"And they haven't told you?" he asked.

'No. I don't think they ever will."

"Don't get sad," he reached for my chin and lifted my gaze up, "Hey, I got an idea. How about you and I go out for some lunch today?"

"You and I?" Well so much for the 'never made a move' thing.

"Yeah, I don't think it's a secret I like you. And I think I've been a coward for enough time," he said and I had to smile at that, "I know you love coffee, perhaps I could buy you one?"

"No...I can't," I shook my head, a date was the last thing I needed right now, especially not with the person I actually liked.

"Oh c'mon, perhaps dinner then?"

"I don't know..."

"Tell you what, I'll give you all day to think about. I was going to visit Michel anyways, and since he lives upstairs of your place, I'll drop by to hear your final decision," he winked.

"But Jerome-"

"Think about it," he stood straight, his hazel eyes gazing down at me, "I promise I won't make you sad like your friends have."

I sighed as he walked away. I didn't want to go out, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings either. He had been so sweet to me and I didn't have the heart to flat-out turn him down. Plus...maybe I was considering his date offer. It was clear the Doctor would never set eyes on me and I couldn't wait on him forever...and an innocent date perhaps couldn't hurt me and my sadness.

So why was I still so hesitant to accept the date?

~0~

I was placing clean dishes on the counter to dry out, waiting on Martha to return with our dinner ingredients for tonight. My mind had been filled with the usual thoughts that troubled me, but now it held whether or not I would accept Jerome's offer to go out tonight. My mind screamed yes, but my heart said another thing. The only one I wanted to go out with was currently in his room trying to work on some stupid contraption that could help us leave 1969 and his name was...

"Minerva, where's the toaster?" the Doctor questioned, making me flinch me in the process where I nearly dropped the plate I held to the floor, "Oh, sorry," he walked over and took the dish from me.

"What do you need a toaster for?" I snatched the dish away from him.

A little confused with that snatch, he eyed me for second, "Just...something I need. Are you okay?"

"You tell me," I muttered, placing the dish on the counter along with the rest.

"Um, I don't know, that's why I'm asking."

"As if you don't know," I scoffed, grabbing a towel to wipe the water that had spilled from several dishes.

"I don't, what's going on?" he frowned, reaching for my hand to stop me from moving.

"Don't!" I jerked my hand away from him, "I'm angry with you! Don't you see!?"

"Still? Minerva, give it a rest! It's been nearly a month since we arrived-"

"Exactly!" I cut him off with a small shout, "We've been here one month and you haven't said anything. How dare you!"

"Haven't said what?"

"And not to mention the past months we've spent traveling after 1913 so that's about three freaking months," I threw the towel to the sink and crossed my arms, "That's three months that you haven't said anything to me."

"Okay, I'm confused-"

"And I'm not? Doctor, there are two months of my life that I don't know about yet you do," he was now completely silent, knowing exactly what I was talking about, "You and Martha know how I lost my memories and neither of you have told me anything!"

"It didn't matter..." he mumbled so low I barely heard.

"Apparently it did because Kaeya took all those memories away from me!"

He looked up, completely stunned that I knew about it, "You...you...know?"

"I heard you and Martha talking about it! And just so you know, yes, I am angry. I am very angry with you and Martha."

"We were only trying to avoid you getting upset while y-you were w-weak," he tried to explain, yet stuttering in his final words.

"No, you were trying to hide your girlfriend's dirty work! She stole my memories! You didn't tell me she did nor tell me what happened in those two months."

"I was trying to keep you away from a pain-"

"No you were trying to hide Kaeya's work, keep her image clean. Well let me tell you something," I stepped up, the anger threatening to turn into hot tears in my eyes, "You and Martha don't get to decide what I know. I demand that you tell me what happened that made Kaeya steal my memories. Did I anger her? Did I anger you? Martha?"

"No," he shook his head, "You didn't."

"Then what did I do!?"

"It doesn't matter-"

"Yes it does! For once this does! It matters to me this time and you are purposefully keeping it away from me. How dare you? We promised to tell each other everything and you're breaking it!"

At that moment, we heard the front door opening, "I got the pasta, Minerva!" Martha called, the door closing behind her. She walked in and set the bags on the table, glancing at us for only a second, "What's wrong?"

"Kaeya stole my memories, that's what's wrong," I answered, seeing her eyes widen.

"You...remember?" she whispered, walking up beside the Doctor.

"You're supposed to be my best friend and you kept that away from me? What's wrong with both of you!? I trust both of you to be honest with me and this is what I get instead?"

"You don't understand," Martha sighed.

"You're right, which is why I told the Doctor that I demand to know what Kaeya stole from me." But all I got was silence, the two simply exchanging glances. "WELL?" You might as well hear the crickets because nothing was being said.

"Unbelievable, neither of you will say anything. I need to get out of here," I moved around them.

"No, wait," the Doctor grabbed my arm.

"Are you gonna explain?" I inquired, looking from him to Martha. Nothing. "I'm getting out of here," I jerked my arm away from the Martian.

"Where are you going to go?" Martha asked, both of them following me into the living room.

"...on a date!" I exclaimed the first words that popped into my head, the offer Jerome made sounding like paradise because it got me out of the house for hours.

"A date?" Both of them repeated, surprised.

"Yeah, I got asked out on a date and I'm gonna go," I informed them. It wasn't exactly what I'd been thinking of doing but it was the first thing that came out of my mouth so now I was going to do it "I don't want to be anywhere near either of you! And since I can't exactly go to my grandmother's I guess some hours will have to do."

"You can't do that," the Doctor frowned.

"Oh yes I can!"

"No," he stepped up, having the audacity to be angry about it.

And since it got a kick out of him, I was most certainly going out tonight, "I'm going on a date, getting away from you and Martha."

"Who are you going with!?"

"A co-worker, Jerome."

"HIM?"

"Yes!"

"Minerva, you can't go with him."

"And why the hell not?"

"Because...because he's..." it seemed like he was biting his tongue with great struggle, "...he's not..."

"I can do whatever I want. And right now, you two are the last people I want to see," I turned for the hallway and walked for my room, biting my own tongue to keep my tears from escaping.

Both of them looked so hurt, but neither of them compared to me. I felt so betrayed...like they had chosen Kaeya over me. How could they do that to me? Even the Doctor. Sure, he loved her but did that mean he'd choose her even though she'd done something bad? Is that what love was?

~0~

I was picking up my hair into a ponytail when there was a knock on the door. I actually commend them for not trying sooner. Maybe they were that guilty.

"Minerva? Can I please come in?" Martha asked politely.

I wore a knee-length red, black and white plaid dress with thin straps. It was a tad shorter than what I was used to but apparently it was a common type of dress for night outings in this era. Still, I wore a thin, long-sleeve white turtleneck jumper underneath. I also wore knee-length socks and red mary-jane shoes. I thought I looked ridiculous, honestly. This was one odd era...

"This is your room too, Martha," I reminded coldly, maintaining my gaze on the mirror in front of me when she came inside.

She and I shared the room and left the Doctor with the other one. It was a nice room with a rather comfy bed and vanity desk. There was a clothing wardrobe which we both shared, having some clothes we bought with our job money. It was nice...too bad my roommate was a secret-keeping-betraying best friend.

"You look nice," she commented quietly.

"Mhm."

"I'm sorry," she walked up, standing behind me, looking at the mirror since I wouldn't turn to her.

"You know, I would kinda expect this from the Doctor seeing as he freaking loves Kaeya, but you? You say all these things about Kaeya and yet you keep something like this from me?"

"It's more complicated, that's all..."

"Complicated how?" I turned to her, my hair all picked up now.

"It's not my story to tell," she whispered.

"What the hell does that even mean!?" I shouted. She flinched and stepped back.

"Just please don't go out, stay with us."

"And then what? Neither of you are gonna tell me!"

"Maybe the Doctor will, but he's really upset right now and-"

"Oh and I'm picking up daisies because I'm so freaking happy!"

"Minerva he's jealous," she smiled brightly as if it was the best thing in the world.

"No he's not, he's angry because I don't want to listen to him."

"Don't let your anger blind you. He's raging out there," she pointed back, "Because he's jealous, Minerva. He's bloody jealous!"

"I don't have time for this," I walked past her, "This time your hopeful words aren't gonna work on me. I have a date to go to which will hopefully help me forget yours and the Doctor's betrayal."

"I'm sorry..."

I shook my head, shutting my eyes to keep away the water, and walked out.

~0~

Poor Billy Shipton landed with a thud against a wall, in 1969, after just being in a parking lot with a couple Angel statues.

"Welcome," Martha greeted with a soft smile, the man's head quickly snapping to see her and the Doctor a couple feet behind, "It's okay, it's best if you stay down," Martha put a hand on his shoulder, glancing back at the Doctor for him to speak.

"Where am I?" Billy looked around, seeing it was now dark and not raining as it had been only a second ago.

Martha awaited for the Doctor to speak, only for him to turn his head from them, she sighed and looked at Billy with her soft smile, "It's the year 1969," she began her explanation, though knowing only the Doctor could explain it well. But seeing he was still peeved over Minerva she knew better than to wait for him to talk.

"1969?" Billy blinked.

"It's not as bad as it goes. My best friend Minerva said this is the year of the moon landing, she's clever like that. She remembers things so well."

"Let's not talk about her right now, shall we?" the Doctor said sourly, now approaching the pair with a device that was currently clicking and beeping.

Martha rolled her eyes, knowing Minerva was all he wanted to talk about. The man had been fuming after Minerva had left, saying who the hell this 'Jerome' man was and where did he come from and why Minerva was with him and not them. She tried reminding him that Minerva was angry and hurt they kept what Kaeya had done a secret. She even went as far as saying that he had some fault for not organizing his feelings for Minerva and Kaeya. Because if he wasn't so confused he would've told Minerva straight away about their love adventure in 1913 and would've told her how she'd made his human version fall in love with her in less than three days. Minerva would've been thrilled to know she'd gotten some of his feelings out because it would only mean that the original version, the Doctor himself, had already fallen for her as well.

But the man was just too conflicted...apparently.

Martha secretly thought the Doctor was just afraid to admit he'd already chosen her best friend faster than he'd even realized.

"How did I get here?" Billy asked, watching how the Doctor remained silent yet again, looking furious for some reason.

"The same way we did," the Doctor replied, " The touch of an angel. Same one, probably, since you ended up in the same year. I wouldn't get up though," he warned as Billy started up again, "Time travel without a capsule, nasty. Catch your breath, don't go swimming for half an hour."

"I don't...I can't..."

"Fascinating race, the Weeping Angels. The only psychopaths in the universe to kill you nicely. No mess, no fuss, they just zap you into the past and let you live to death. The rest of your life used up and blown away in the blink of an eye. You die in the past, and in the present they consume the energy of all the days you might have had, all your stolen moments. They're creatures of the abstract. They live off potential energy."

"You're talking at light speed again," Martha remarked, smiling with joy.

"What in God's name are you talking about?" Billy blinked, looking both he and Martha as the craziest people he's met.

"We were tracking you down," the Doctor explained, "Though I thought Minerva would be around to help..."

Martha smirked, "She could've been with us if you would've told her about Kaeya straight away. Honestly, your 'confusion' is gonna drive Minerva away from you."

"I don't need your warnings," he rolled his eyes, he had enough problems to face with and the last thing he needed was a set of reminders.

"Can you believe it?" Martha glanced at Billy who was just completely lost, "You had a crush on Sally Sparrow, right? That's what the file said. Would you let a pretty girl like that get away from you?'

"No," he replied instantly, only understanding that part out of everything.

"Exactly. And it's already starting with the fact Minerva's on a date," Martha said, smirking again, "And you know, you say you're confused, yet the fact you're practically fuming and bursting with jealousy tells me you may not be so confused anymore."

"Is anyone going to explain to me where I am?" Billy looked around, his head hurting from all the confusion.

The Doctor looked at Martha for a good minute, trying to come up with something to say to her, could it really be true? He shook his head, he had to get her and Minerva out of 1969 before he decided on anything. Their safety was first. He would never forgive himself if anything happened to Martha or Minerva...Minerva...

Again, he shook his head and practically forced himself to focus on Billy and the task that had been appropriated to him, "Normally, I'd offer you a lift home, but somebody nicked my motor. So I need you to take a message to Sally Sparrow. And I'm sorry Billy, I am very, very sorry. It's gonna take you a while."

~0~

Minerva's POV.

I sat on the couch, sniffling and sniffling away. My "date" had finished up early, seeing as I just could not be with someone I simply didn't like. Jerome deserved better than that. He was so sweet throughout the whole time, wanting to know what was wrong yet not pushing me to speak. But as much as I wanted to have fun, I couldn't...not when the two people about in my life and I were angry with each other. I had returned home early, wanting to try again and talk, but found the apartment completely empty. They'd gone somewhere without me. So I started to think about everything, as usual, and started crying...

It was getting to be too much...

But then I heard the door opening, and Martha's voice emerging with the Doctor's.

"Minerva, you're back," she gasped lightly, she and the Doctor rounding around the couch.

I quickly wiped my tears and sat up straight, "Y-yeah, I came back early."

"Did you have fun?" she tried to act as if she had been on board for the date from the beginning. Could she not see some of the tears that lingered on my face?

"Yeah, ecstatically fun..."

The Doctor sighed, setting that contraption of his on the table and moving to sit beside me, "Martha, can you leave us for a moment?"

"Are you sure? What are you gonna do?" She seemed a bit surprised for some reason.

"Something," he eyed her, the two sharing a silent moment that only left me confused.

"Okay, I'll be in our room..." she looked at me, "...and I'm sorry, Minerva. Really," she turned and walked away.

"If you're not gonna tell me anything then go away," I scooted away from the Martian.

"Come here," he tried pulling me back.

"No," I shook my head, "You do that and somehow make me all happy again. Not this time. And I know I say that every time I'm crossed with you but this time I mean it. You can't smooth-talk yourself out of this. I demand to know what happened that made Kaeya want to steal my memories."

"I'm gonna tell you what happened."

I glanced at him, carefully looking for any detail in his face that would show he was lying...but I found none, "Really?"

He nodded, "Yeah."

Quietly, I scooted back, putting my hands together on my lap and looking down. I didn't want to blush, I didn't want to fall for his little soft looks, I didn't want him to win me over with some stupid cute manners. No. Not this time. I wanted to know what happened. "You can start now," I mumbled.

"First of all, I don't want you to be angry with Martha. If there's anyone you should be angry with, it's me and only me. I asked her not to say anything. She was only being a friend to me."

"What happened?" I whispered, tired of asking a question that I shouldn't even have to ask about. It should be a given that I should know about it.

"You met someone...and...he fell in love with you."

My head snapped up, eyes wide with shock, "What?"

"You met someone, but you made it clear that you just wanted to be friends...but you were just that amazing that he couldn't help it and he fell in love with you."

"Who...who was it?" I was more than shocked to hear such a story, but even when I looked at the Doctor, I couldn't see any sign that he was lying. Someone...had actually fallen in love with me? Even thinking about it sounded all wrong.

"Um, he was a teacher of the school we hid in. Nice man, good, um, his name was Jack."

"Oh..." I gotta say I was a bit disappointed, yet I didn't know for what exactly, "...did, did I hurt him? Is that what I did? I hurt an innocent man!?"

"No! No! You didn't hurt anyone," he quickly assured, seeing me tense up at the possibility, "He was in danger that last night we were there..." he started smiling, "...but you took care of him."

"And you? Did I take care of you too? Or did I abandon you and Martha?"

"You took care of all of us, Minerva, don't worry."

I nodded, believing it, "So...why did Kaeya steal my memory? Why can't I remember any of that stuff?"

"In the end," his gaze fell for a second, "Words were said, things were done, hearts were broken."

"Oh my god I broke his heart," I put my hand over my chest, feeling horrible. I knew what that felt like, I practically lived with it...and for me to go and do that to some poor man... "I am despicable," I shook my head.

"Don't say that," he said softly, actually looking like I had done nothing wrong and was just a little white dove.

"Doctor, I broke someone's heart, okay? I knew that I would be leaving and yet I let that poor man develop these feelings for me. Is that why Kaeya took my memories? Because I was guilty?"

"She took your memories so that you wouldn't be in pain. She wanted to help you avoid that."

"So she took...pity on me?" I frowned, not sounding so sure that was correct.

"No, not pity..."

"Well, whatever it was, she had no right to do that," I shook my head, my anger diminishing with him and Martha. I wasn't angry with Kaeya either, simply upset she'd taken that liberty that didn't belong to her, "I have a right to remember all these things, no matter how hard it was."

"I know and I'm sorry for that," the Doctor sighed.

"Is there any way to remember those two months?"

"I don't think there is..."

"Oh..." I looked at my hands again, not sure if I should feel guilt for something I couldn't even remember. The fact stood that I had broken someone's heart and I couldn't even remember them.

"But, he's fine, Minerva...he's okay," the Doctor tried to ease my guilt, "He was fine."

"Really?"

He nodded, "Yes. He understood in the end and he was just fine. Now c'mon, no more crying and no more angry Minerva, I don't like her very much."

I smiled dimly, "Me neither..."

"So we're okay now? No more anger?"

"We're good. I just really hope I'll remember one day. I owe it to Jack to remember him." I would've asked to return and find the man but I couldn't dare look him in the face and tell him I couldn't remember him. I couldn't do that to him.

"So you don't have to go on anymore dates to get away from us."

I raised an eyebrow, recalling Martha's words before I left, "Did my date bother you?"

"What!? No!"

"Cause you seem fairly upset..."

"Of course I was upset, you were angry with me. I don't like that."

"Me neither," I admitted shyly. It felt all wrong, but he wouldn't know that. The ego was grow.

"You know what, to make this a little better, why don't we go out for some pastries?"

"Right now?"

"Yeah, we'll get Martha and go have some desserts together."

"And skip a proper dinner?" I pretended to gasp.

He shrugged, "I'm bad like that."

I laughed, "Alright Oncoming Storm, calm down. You'll get a massive toothache if you keep that up," I wagged a finger, about to get up when I noticed his contraption again, "Okay, what the hell is that?" I pointed, plopping back down.

"Hm?"

"That," I pointed at it again.

"Oh!" he reached for it, "It's my timey-wimey detector. It goes ding when there's stuff!" he held it between us, twisting it around for me to see.

"Timey wimey?" I raised an eyebrow, the Doctor nodding like a child, "Ding when there's stuff?" he nodded again, flashy grin on his face, "They should really reconsider the whole 'Oncoming Storm' name," I shook my head, not helping the chuckle I let escape.

"Oi, it's very effective."

"Mhm," I took the device into my hands, "So what are the side effects?"

"Why do you suppose there are some?" He tried playing offended.

"Because you're you. So what is it?"

His face morphed into a pout fairly fast, "It can boil an egg at 30 paces..." he mumbled.

"Whether you want it or not?"

"Yes...hens are not pretty when they blow."

"You're an idiot," I started laughing, feeling him snatch his contraption away.

"Can't be that big of an idiot if it was able to track down Billy Shipton."

"He's here now?" I stopped laughing, knowing we were one step to getting out of here.

"Yeah, and he's got the message and is gonna help us record those Easter Eggs."

"That's great," I stood up, "And you know what? We should go out on a pastry spree to celebrate. I'll get Martha and maybe change a bit," I tugged on the turtleneck I wore, "This isn't very comfortable."

He set the contraption beside him and stood up, "I imagine. I'll wait here, then."

I looked at him for a moment before hugging him, "Thank you."

"What's this for?" he sounded surprised yet still hugged back.

"For telling me what happened, thank you."

"Don't..."

"No, really, thank you. Even if it's bad, I want to know what happened."

"...I'm sorry," he tightened our hug.

"For what?" I pulled away.

"Just...sorry," he looked very sincere that I just nodded and accepted it.

"I'm gonna go get Martha and then we can go, alright?"

"Okay."

I smiled again and turned away, hurrying off for Martha. I burst inside, Martha immediately getting off the bed and hurrying up to me, "Minerva, I'm really sorry," she began, "The Doctor told me not to say anything because he was con-"

"Martha, it's okay," I took her for a surprise hug.

"It...it is?"

"Yeah, I get it now. Completely," I pulled away.

"Really?" she seemed confused yet shocked.

"Yeah. Kaeya just wanted to rid me of my guilt, even if she had no right to do so but I guess it was with a good intention. But the Doctor explained everything. He told me of Jack, the man that fell in love with me."

And suddenly her shock and confusion turned into what one could say was irritation, "Jack?"

"Yeah. That poor teacher I somehow managed to make him love me. I feel terrible for it."

"'Jack' fell in love with you..." she nodded, looking to the side inn thought.

"Yeah, and the Doctor told me he asked you not to say anything. But truthfully, I wasn't actually angry, I was hurt. I thought you chose Kaeya over me..."

"WHAT? Minerva, you know I don't have very good feelings towards the woman," she reminded me, taking my hands, "You're my best friend."

"I know and I feel awful about what I said earlier...so sorry," I hugged her again.

She sighed, "It's alright. I'm sorry too."

"So the Doctor suggested we go get some pastries for dinner," I pulled away and headed for the clothing wardrobe.

"Really?" and there came her usual, teasing tone that I had truthfully missed.

"Yeah, so get your jacket and let's go. I just want a sweater or something," I pulled out a white cardigan, "I hate turtlenecks."

"So this is like a date," she smirked.

"No, because it's us three," I pointed at her.

"Now that you're not angry with us, you should really know how jealous the Doctor was," she made her way over, inspecting the white cardigan I had taken out, "Fuming, I tell you. If you and Jerome hadn't left so quick, he would've been punched in the face."

"Oh come now, Martha, let's not exaggerate," I tried hiding my smile. Now that my head was clear, it was trying to picture the Doctor in his 'fuming' state. I shouldn't be...but I was...

"You know it's true," Martha wagged a finger.

"We were angry with each other, and..."

"And nothing, he was jealous and that's that. And we can work with jealousy."

"What are you thinking of?" I frowned, slightly afraid of her antics with all this jealousy talk.

"Your birthday."

"Martha, that's still a couple weeks away."

"Try two weeks," she tapped my head, "How do you forget that?" But don't you worry, I am gonna find something completely extravagant for you to wear, and it'll make his mouth drop to the ground, possibly the center of the earth."

"Oh Martha," I blushed and moved around her, going for the bathroom we had in the room, "One simple dress won't change anything."

"Hm, you'd be surprised. That's how mum and dad met, actually, don't tell them I told you that," she quickly shook her head, "But I'm serious."

"Tell you what, I'll leave that all up to you because I know there is no power on earth that would get you to reconsider."

"Leave it to your best friend," she shrugged, smiling proudly.

~ 0 ~

I now wore a closed, buttoned up, white cardigan with long sleeves. It was much better than the stupid turtle-neck I had on earlier. Never would I wear those again. Martha and I returned to the living room where the Doctor promptly awaited for us.

"I'm telling you both this right now, I want chocolate," Martha announced, "I don't care what it is, cupcakes, cake, brownies, just make it chocolate."

"Yes ma'am," I saluted to her.

"Shall we go, then?" the Doctor gestured to the door.

"Yes," we both answered him with grins.

We made our way down to the streets which were crowded with people. Martha moved beside me, cautiously watching for the first bakery we found that was open and not too crowded.

"Oh, look," the Doctor grabbed my hand and pulled me towards a shop, "They have kittens," he pointed happily.

"Doctor, I'm allergic to kittens," I reminded, although the ones in the basket were actually really adorable. It was a pet shelter, apparently, and the kittens were set up near the display glass.

"I'm not taking you inside," he shrugged, "Just showing you."

"They're adorable," Martha remarked, ignoring us for a second, "Tish had one...then she let it get free," she frowned, "She had one job. Close the door."

I chuckled, "Oh Martha."

"It was adorable! She was named Sparkles."

"Sparkles?" the Doctor and I repeated, both giving her looks.

"Yeah, you got a problem with that?" She put her hand on her hip, her expression warning us to be very careful with how we answered.

"No!" We quickly shook our heads.

"Mm, let's just go," she nodded for us to continue, which we quickly did to avoid her sharp look. A moment later, she moved beside me again, whispering some words to me, "Good way of not getting lost," she smirked, eyeing us for some reason.

The Doctor and I were still holding hands.

Martha chuckled when she no doubt saw my face. I hadn't even noticed when that happened.

"Hold down the bluuuush," Martha sing-sang quietly...but I still elbowed her on the side.

Then I glanced at the Martian who was busy looking at the passing shops. I smiled softly and looked straight ahead, for once allowing my blush to continue. This was this was just such a nice moment that I wish would never have to end.

~0~

Late October.

"I'm back!" I called as soon as I entered the apartment, the Doctor and Martha sitting on the couch doing their respectful activities.

"Oh, what you got there?" Martha eyed the big, red squared present I held in my arms.

"Early birthday present from Jerome," I informed as I walked over, setting it on the table, "I wanna open it now!"

"He gave you a present?" the Doctor raised an eyebrow, not sounding too fond of it.

"Mhm, he said he and his family we're going out on some one-month trip so he gave me my present in advance," I clapped my hands together, "Can I please open it now?"

Martha chuckled, "It's your birthday present. You can open it whenever you want."

"Oh that's right." And so I started ripping off the wrapping paper, until I could see a box underneath. I gasped at the sight of my new game, especially when I realized just what game it was. "Oh my god!"

"What is it?" Both friends asked. Of course they wouldn't know about it.

"Oh my god..." I passed a hand down the box, "...I haven't seen this in years. It's Wahoo." I looked up with a grin.

"Yahoo?" Martha raised an eyebrow, before sneezing.

"No, Wahoo," I corrected, holding up the game board box for them to see it better. "And bless you by the way. It's this game my grandfather and I used to play when I was a kid. It's so much fun. Oh I can't believe he remembered..."

"You told him about the game?" the Doctor asked.

"Yeah, we were talking and somehow it just came up," I sighed contently, "I love it. Absolutely love it."

"Well how about we play a game, then?" Martha suggested, chuckling when I immediately nodded. "But you'll have to explain to me how to play because I've never seen one of those in my life."

"No problem! Doctor, you wanna join?"

"No," he shook his head, a bit fast too. My excitement faded away as he stood up quickly too. It was almost like he couldn't wait to get out of here.

"Why not?"

"Um..." he stared down at the game board, "...no thank you."

But more than that, he just seemed upset. "Please?" I tried again, hoping that my sweet smile might change his mind. Martha did say - and even the Doctor occasionally -that I could get him to agree to anything whenever I used that smile. "I really wanna show you how to play. Pleeeeease?"

He met my gaze for the longest of minutes. My sweet smile remained as strong as I could make it until finally...

"Fine," he sighed.

I beamed. Before he could change his mind, I reached over for his hand then grabbed the game board to head over to the kitchen. Martha quickly followed behind. I set the game up on the table and carefully placed each marble on their designated row.

"There," I let the dices drop over the board. "Alright, first I'm going to get us some drinks because this can last a while. Be back!" I shot them a wink and hurried out of my chair.

Martha showed up a few seconds later. She had a face that made me worry for my ears because she definitely had something to say. "You know why he's upset, right?" She whispered, coughing slightly.

"No," I shrugged. I poured some orange juice into the three glasses on the counter (because none of us were interested in drinking). "And do you want some aspirin? That's not sounding too well."

"It's just a lousy cold going around," Martha waved me off, coughing a little harder, "But you're too oblivious for your own good, Minerva." She patted my arm, "He's upset that Jerome gave you a present you love."

"So? I'm sure you would've given me a present I would've 'loved'."

"Yeah, with the difference being I'm not after you and Jerome is. He has a crush on you and clearly gave you the game as a way to sneak into your heart," she crossed her arms, "Something the Doctor over there is very much disliking."

"If only he knew he already snuck into my heart," I sighed, sadly smiling. It was the saddest irony of all that he would probably never see.

Jerome might have given me a present that I loved, but I loved more the fact that I got to share it with someone I really cared for. One special Martian who could not understand the concept of the game.

~0~

"Minerva? Minerva!?" Someone shook me gently before coughing quite loudly.

"Mm, what?" I scooted away from my coughing roommate.

"Happy Birthday!"

I opened my eyes, suddenly remembering it was indeed the 31st of October. Halloween...and my birthday. I sat up, seeing Martha grinning widely but with her eyes a red and watery from her cold she acquired a couple days ago.

"Happy birthday!" She threw her arms around me, "Happy birthday, oblivious, clever girl!"

I patted her back and chuckled, "Was this an insult or a compliment?"

She pulled back and grinned, "A compliment of course!"

I shook my head and got out of bed, heading for the wardrobe, "Well thank you."

"Ah! Ah! Ah!" She hopped off the bed and quickly ran over, smacking my hand off the handle piece. "No!"

I rubbed my hand, a small frown on my face, "What?"

"I need you to shower so I can curl your hair," She grabbed the sleeve of my nightie and pulled me for the bathroom.

"You realize we don't have a curler right?"

"I've got pins to die for!" She opened the door and pushed me inside then returned to the drawers. She pulled out a new white nightie with a white-silver robe.

"I'm gonna wear pajamas all day on my birthday?" I raised an eyebrow, my hands out for the new pair of clothes.

"Just until it's time to go out tonight. I thought we could spend the day here," she walked over, coughing into her arm.

"You know we don't have to even go out tonight," I watched her sadly, "You're sick and-"

"I'll be fine," she waved me off and handed me the clothes, "Now go shower."

I sighed and did as told, going to shower as my best friend ordered.

~0~

"All set," Martha stepped back, allowing me to finally stand up, "I should get a medal because I calculated the right amount of bobby-pins needed to hold up all that long hair of yours."

Martha had pinned up all my hair with about three packs of bobby-pins. There were only a few strands that fell to the sides of my face, but overall she did do a good job considering the amount and length of my hair.

I closed my robe and headed for the door, my stomach grumbling since an hour ago, "Can we please eat now?"

She chuckled, following behind, "Alright, alright, what do you want?" She sneezed.

"Bless you."

"Thank you."

"I think I'll make you something," I shook my head, "Maybe chicken soup."

"No, no, you can't cook on your birthday."

"What? Do my hands magically stop working because it's my birthday?"

"Well, no, but-"

"Sit," I plopped her down on a chair of the kitchen table, "How about some nice french toast?"

We heard the door opening as I walked to the cupboards, a small smile escaping my lips as I thought of how the Martian would greet me. So I felt it odd that silence fell over, save for a pair of footsteps...until a pair of hands covered my eyes.

"Guess who?"

I smiled bigger, "Um...a ridiculous, banana-loving alien?"

"No..."

I could just imagine his pout behind me, "A Martian?"

"You just know how to ruin this, don't you?" the Doctor lowered his hands and spun me around, allowing me to see his big grin, "Hello."

"Hi," I replied, a stupid blush already working on my face.

"It's a nice day, isn't it?" He looked out the window above the sink.

"Yeah, looks sunny."

"Hm, that's nice..." he stuffed his hands in his pockets, acting oh-so-casual as he moved around me.

That's when I saw a bag on the table that Martha was eyeing silently. Poor thing was so sick she didn't even have enough focus to make her usual pep talks about the Doctor and I.

"What's this?" I walked for the table, first of all placing a hand on Martha's forehead, "No fever yet. Still in business" She smiled, "But this bag smells pretty nice..." I leaned on the table, peering over the bag and getting a whiff of strawberries, "Mmm."

"Well I thought I could make some nice breakfast..." the Doctor began, but flinched when Martha and I yelled out a 'NO'.

"Sorry, but...we don't want an accident," I turned to him, offering him a kind smile. He could save the world but he failed miserably at cooking.

"We're just teaching you how to use a blender right now," Martha added.

"Let's not argue kids," I gestured them to calm down.

"Not today," the Doctor agreed, pulling another grin, "Because..." His grin turned into a playful smile.

I couldn'thelp the huge grin that broke across my face upon his look. "...it's my birthday?" Alright, maybe I liked the extra attention I was about to get today. Dud that sound selfish?

The Doctor nodded and rushed up to hug me. I laughed when his arms winded around my waist for a spinning hug. "Happy birthday!" He exclaimed.

"Thank you!" I said when he set me down. We turned back for the table and the first thing I saw was Martha smirking at us. Of course when her coughing fits returned, she didn't have the opportunity to comment.

"So I brought breakfast," the Doctor gestured to the bag on the table.

"What is it?" Martha nearly demanded, seeming as though she had been trying to figure that out this whole time.

"I believe they were Strawberry crepes with whip cream."

Martha nearly ripped the bag open.

"Martha!" I laughed, the woman bashfully looking at us while holding the plastic box.

"Sorry, birthday girl goes first," she held the box to us.

"No, birthday girl's sick best friend goes first," I took the box from her and placed it on the table in front of her, "Do you want some coffee?"

"No, tea," she corrected.

"Right, yes," I opened the box for her, "Doctor, what about you?" I glanced back and found him staring at us with a soft smile. "Are you gonna want some?" Still silence. "Doctor!"

He blinked and shook his head, "Yes! What's going on?"

"You had that look again," I walked up to him.

"What look?" He still seemed to be shaken up for some reason.

"That look I told you about," I smiled, moving around him, "I was just asking if you wanted some coffee or tea for breakfast."

"Oh, um...surprise me," he joined me as I took out milk from the fridge, followed by maple syrup, "What are you doing?"

"I like to put maple syrup in my coffee," I shrugged.

"Isn't that like a supplement for caramel?" Martha called, also confused.

"Maybe, I don't know. Point is, I like maple syrup in my coffee, not caramel."

"You're strange," the Doctor remarked, making me scoff.

"Says the 903 year old alien who lives in a box," I smirked.

"You live in that box as well."

I rolled my eyes and started on my work, "Go bring Martha a fork so she can eat."

"I don't need to be babied, guys," Martha sighed when the Doctor brought her the fork. "Thanks," she took it from him. "I've got a cold but I don't feel so bad."

"Yet," I said.

"Hey, I was able to pin up all that hair of yours without taking a break so I don't think I'm that sick. But perhaps a hair cut would be nice enough to make it easier."

"Oh no!" I shook my head, shooting her a sharp look, "My hair shall always stay long. My mother always tried making me cut it and I never did except for the tips. I wouldn't be me without my long hair."

"Yeah but all I'm saying is maybe a tad shorter?" she tried again.

"Noooo. I'd have to be completely mad to cut my hair. Either that or I'd have to be brainwashed."

She just laughed.

"So if I'm ever sick or just not me, I trust both of you to stop such a monstrosity," I pointed at both of them, the pair simply nodding, "Thank you."

A couple minutes later, I returned with two teas and a coffee. Martha coughed again, sounding like she was actually in pain.

"Martha, are you sure you don't want to go lay in bed?" I asked, standing beside her with my hand on her shoulder.

"I'm fine," she waved me off, "Just-" And then she sneezed.

"-sick," I finished for her, shaking my head, "Doctor, don't you have something to make her feel better?"

"Just the usual things," he shrugged, "Recommendations to stay in bed and eat some soup. If I had the TARDIS..."

"I don't want to eat soup. I want my two friends to sit with me and eat breakfast to celebrate my best friend's birthday," Martha motioned for us to take our seats, "Now."

We sighed and took our seats, the Doctor reaching for his tea while I took out the rest of the food and set it for us.

I grabbed the maple syrup bottle and poured some into my mug. I almost rolled my eyes when I saw them both giving me weird looks,."What?" I set the bottle on the table.

"That can't be good," the Doctor shook his head.

"Isn't it too sweet?" Martha sipped her tea.

"No, it's just fine," I opened up my box of crepes, but both of them continued giving me the same look. I sighed, "Here, one of you try it," I pushed my mug to the center of the table.

"No thank you," Martha dug into her breakfast, "I'll get you sick."

"Doctor?" I pushed my mug to him, my sweet smile ready to go.

Martha smirked as the Martian reached for my mug. I dug my fork into my own meal, watching him slowly drink my coffee.

"This, um..." he started making faces, distasteful ones. I rolled my eyes, crossing my legs and grabbing a forkful of my food, "...it's, uh...not so goo-" I shoved my fork into his mouth as soon as his head turned to me.

Martha burst out laughing.

The Doctor made more faces as he struggled to chew the massive amount of food in his mouth, poor thing glancing at me with a pout. I smirked, raising an eyebrow as if daring him to say something to me. Of course, he didn't.

It was moments like these that made my heart nearly burst of happiness, my birthday just happening to be a small perk.

~0~

"Voila-" Poor Martha coughed and coughed and coughed, barely able to get the last bobby pin out of my hair.

"Martha," I turned to her, walking her for the bed, "I'm serious, we don't need to go out. But what we do need to do is get you in bed so you can get some rest."

"No," she shook her head, stopping us midway, "It's okay, I'll sleep after we come back tonight. But...you look fantastic," she clapped her hands together.

"Thank you," I pushed a strand of my now curly hair behind my ear, "But you need to get some rest."

"After," she waved me off and turned us back for the vanity desk, running her hands through my hair to elongate the curls, "I told you the pins would do it."

"You are remarkable," I nodded, "I've never curled my hair before. Never had the need..."

"Ah, but this time you have a man to stun," she started chuckling, "And believe me, you definitely will."

"I dress for myself, thank you very much," I turned to her, "Impressing someone comes after your own concept of yourself."

"Nicely said."

"But in all honesty, thank you for your gift," I turned for the mirror, gazing upon my new dress, "It's so pretty!"

"Thought you might like it," she crossed her arms, "It just spoke 'Minerva'."

I wore a baby pink dress that reached above my knees which was once again shorter than what I was used to. It was sleeveless with a diagonally draped bodice and a deep v-neckline on the back. There was a more decent one in the front. It had a wide silver band under the bust with shiny silver thread accents. The skirt was flowy and lined, creating a more princess style. I wore open-toed silver heels with the the buckle at the ankle; they were actually very comfortable. My hair was left down, its length slightly shortened with it being curled, and only a silver clip holding a section back on the left side of my head.

I absolutely adored it! My best friend was amazing and no one could tell me otherwise.

"Thank you so much!" I spun around to give Martha the biggest hug possible.

She chuckled, breaking into a cough in the end sadly, "You're...welcome."

I pulled away, "And be sure to wear a jacket. In fact," I walked over to pull one out, not about to let her go out into the night without a jacket.

"Yes, mum," she saluted.

"That's mOm," I teased.

"Muuuum," she walked over, taking the red jacket from me.

"Mooooom."

"What are you gonna do when your kids call you mum?" She raised an eyebrow, a playful teasing smile spreading on her face, only making my stomach churn with the guess of what she would be saying next. "I mean, unless the Doctor suddenly turns American, your mini-yous are so gonna be English."

"Martha!" I pushed her away, blushing madly at the thought of the Martian and I having...kids. That was both uncomfortable and freaky...not to mention utterly impossible.

"What?" Martha laughed, "It could happen," she shrugged, "Though it better not be anytime soon."

"Martha Elizabeth Jones!"

"Elizabeth isn't my middle name..." she blinked.

"I don't know what it is so I just put one to emphasize how discontent I am with your words!"

"Maybe you should name your daughter Elizabeth!" She gasped, seeing how much of a kick she was getting out of me.

I rolled my eyes and walked past her, taking the keys off the desk and heading for the door, "Knock it off, Martha Jones."

"What? No Elizabeth? Is that reserved for your little brunette? Because she would so be brunette."

"MARTHA!"

"And how about the boy, eh? What would you name him? Or...how does a Time Lord name their kids?" She was actually thinking of all that stuff, truly. "How would you name them? Give them an Earth name and then...what, a title?"

"We are not discussing this!" I snapped, abruptly turning to her. She bumped into me as a result. "It's impossible, okay? It can never happen," I mumbled and walked for the living room. The Doctor was coming out of the kitchen just then.

"But seriously!" Martha insisted. She was genuinely curious, I knew, but that was the last thing I wanted to be talking about in front of the Doctor.

"Martha!" I shouted, dropping the keys to the floor in the process.

"Oh come now, Martha, you're not allowed to fight with the birthday girl," the Doctor came over and bent down for the keys. I stuck my tongue out at Martha in victory. She merely rolled her eyes at me. "She needs to be hap..."

He just...stopped.

"Something wrong?" Martha moved beside me with the usual smirk crossing her face.

When Zian trailed me over, the only thing I wanted to do was to run away. I wanted to hide, to desperately avoid his look, his eyes and yet...when the Doctor did it, my heart skipped about five beats then proceeded to skip at light speed. He picked up the keys off the floor, his gaze stuck on my ankles, traveling up my legs, to my dress, and finally my face. By that point, I must have been red.

"Wow..." He breathed when he was finally standing up.

"I did good, didn't I?" Martha raised an eyebrow, glancing between us.

My heart continued skipping beats, my face feeling like it was the hottest day of the summer, my breath short as I tried to breathe like a normal human being...all because of one Martian's stupid gaze.

"I...look okay?" was my genius question.

"Y-yeah!" He nodded fairly fast, making me smile, "You look stunning."

"Thanks, you don't look bad yourself," I trailed his black and white suit, "You look...good."

"Yeah, still uneasy about the whole black tie thing because as we all know..." He swayed his head as we all recalled Lazarus.

"Well this time there's no aliens around except for you," I reminded him.

"You'd have to screw up seriously big this time," Martha crossed her arms.

"I won't," he assured, "And the keys?" He held them for us.

"You should keep them, neither of have pockets," I said.

"Right." And so he stuffed them in his own pocket, "Shall we get going, then?"

"Where exactly are we going?" I looked between him and Martha, this whole night having been kept a secret by both of them even after my pleads and begs to know about it.

"Secret," they both answered, the Doctor linking arms with me while Martha walked for the door.

"But my curiosity-"

"Always gets the best of you," they finished for me, "We know!"

I frowned, "Can't I please have a clue?"

"Nope!"

"But-"

"Nope!"

And so that's how I was dragged out into the streets, on Halloween, blindfolded the whole time. If they wanted to leave me somewhere, they very well could've done so. Too bad for them I knew my way back home. From a distance, I could hear some music playing, voices becoming closer as well. As we neared, the voices became louder with live music.

"Where are we? Did we go to a Halloween party because neither of us are dressed for it," I frowned as we kept walking.

"Shush!" they both replied.

I huffed and kept walking.

"Okay," the Doctor said, suddenly stopping us, "Are you ready?"

"No, I seriously love the fact I can't see anything."

"Stop being moody," Martha scolded, coughing in the end.

"1..." the Doctor began counting, "...2..."

"3!" they both exclaimed, the blindfold falling off my eyes.

"Wow..." I blinked, looking around the rather large dance floor ahead of us.

It was a public event, by the looks of it. People were dancing on the dance floor, a live performance from a stage at the head of it. There were several stands of games where children and their parents were at, a little blonde girl standing out actually...couldn't place my finger on it, though. There was an iced-lake down the hill, snow covering the surroundings except for the dance floor. It was all decorated with what seemed like Christmas lights, that hung from poles of streetlights.

"This is...wow," I stepped forwards, the little blonde girl squealing with joy as she apparently won something. She was even dressed like a raggedy doll.

The Doctor moved beside me, looking around, "It might not be the best place in all of the galaxy...but I thought it could come in as a close second, maybe?" he sighed, "I thought it was pretty, but...I mean...it might not be, I understand..."

"Doctor you better shush it because this is amazing!" I turned and hugged him, "Thank you."

"You're welcome," he hugged back, sounding surprised.

"Martha," I parted a little and held out an arm for her, "Come here, thank you so much," she walked over and joined the hug, "You two are so amazing, I love you both."

"Happy birthday," they replied.

I pulled away and turned for the party, "Where do we start first?"

Martha sneezed rather loudly, "Sorry," she sniffled, her nose becoming stuffy by the tone of her voice.

"Martha, are you sure-"

'NO," she put her hand on my mouth, "Offer to make me chicken soup one more time and I'll throw you into that lake."

"But...it's iced," I glanced at the lake.

"Exactly," she smirked.

"Okay, no soup," I stepped back.

"Perhaps a dance?" she looked between us, "Everyone's doing it."

"There's three of us, and I don't like one of us staying alone," I crossed my arms.

"Oh I won't be alone," she smirked, beginning to walk away.

"Martha?" I turned after her, watching her go up to a man and tap his shoulder.

"Martha!" the young man turned around, quickly hugging her.

I gaped, "Excuse me?"

"That's Brad," the Doctor nodded, "Nice man. Seems good for Martha...if he wasn't from 1969."

'But...but...wait a minute," I shook my head, going up to the pair, the Doctor behind, "Martha Elizabeth Jones, what on earth is this?"

"Elizabeth's your middle name?" 'Brad' and the Doctor asked her.

"No," she smiled, though smirked at me, "This is Brad Ives, a co-worker of mine."

"When did this happen?" I gestured to the linked arms they now shared.

"About two days ago, told him it was your birthday and that he should show up," she grinned, "I didn't want to be a third wheel."

"It's nice to meet you," Brad held out his hand for me to shake, "Minerva Souza, Martha's best friend."

"Yeah...hello," I shook his hand, my gaze stuck on him.

He was handsome, I'll give her that. He was tall, reaching the same height as the Doctor. He had deep blue eyes and dark brown hair. The woman had good taste.

"Happy birthday," he smiled.

"Thank you," I smiled back, still confused of all this.

Martha coughed, "So," she cleared her throat afterwards, "Now we can all dance!"

"You shouldn't even be out here," Brad commented, making her frown and me beam.

"I told her that too," I crossed my arms.

"Iced lake, Minerva," she reminded, tugging Brad to the dance floor.

"What's with the iced lake?" he asked her, the pair distancing from us.

"Did you know about this?" I turned to the Doctor, demanding of him.

"Well...yeah," he looked around to avoid my look, "...she asked me not to say anything. She wanted to surprise you."

"Who is he? How old is he? Is he a respectable, good man? Is he rude? Have they gone on a date, yet?"

"Okay, Martha's mum," he took my hand, "Why don't you let the kids have their moment and allow me to take you for a dance?"

"And you're sure you won't step on me?"

"I didn't the last time," he shrugged.

"You mean China? Cause you kinda did."

He blinked, like he had committed an error for some reason, "Uh, yeah, yeah...so, care to dance with me?"

"That depends..."

"On?"

"You tell me who the hell Brad Ives is."

He chuckled, leading me to the dance floor, "Alright, gosh you're so over protective of Martha."

He wound an arm around my waist, our other hands joining together, "It's only fair. She takes care of me so I do the same," I shrugged.

"He's nice, I've met him a couple of times, seems to like her."

"So why hadn't I heard about him, then?"

"Ask Martha," he shrugged.

"You both need to stop keeping things away from me," I warned.

"You know we're sorry about that whole Kaeya fiasco."

I nodded, accepting his sincerity, "I told you, I forgive both of you. But I'm still a bit upset with Kaeya. I'll have to have a word with her when she comes back."

"...right."

"Do you think she will?" I suddenly asked, my curiosity getting the best of me...and my jealousy. I had no idea what I was gonna do when that princess showed up in the TARDIS. Well, the first thing was demand for the return of my memories. After that would be my simple heartbreak.

"Think what?"

"Do you think Kaeya will come back?" I asked again, quieter this time, "I know she said she would, but...it's been months and nothing."

"Maybe it takes a little longer."

"Are you happy she's coming back?"

"Can we...not talk about Kaeya, please?" he asked, sounding upset at the mention.

"Um...sure, sorry."

"It's your birthday, Minerva. I already screwed up by not having you with your grandmother today and I don't want you to get upset with a woman who didn't have the right to steal your memories."

"Okay," I nodded, suddenly replaying his words, "Hold on, you don't feel bad that we're still in 1969, do you?"

He looked away, "Well let's see, I got us purposely sent here and haven't gotten us out yet so...yeah."

"Doctor, you said it yourself, if we didn't do this then perhaps that Sally Sparrow could've been harmed. You did the right thing."

"But you're not with your grandmother on your birthday."

"So? I'm here with you and Martha, best present ever. My grandmother was with me for fourteen birthdays. I'm glad I got to spend one with you and Martha," I smiled, "Best one yet."

He smiled softly, his eyes looking past me then, "But you know what, I was able to sort of mend my error."

"How so?"

"Come along, Souza!" he yanked me out of the dance floor. I yelped and tried not to trip with his sudden run.

"Doctor, where are we going?" I exclaimed, nearly bumping into a woman on the way, "Sorry!" I called after her.

"Right here," he stopped, causing me to hit his back, "Oops, sorry," he moved me beside him, "Mrs. Lozano?" he called.

"Mrs what?" I shot him a look.

He gestured ahead as a blonde woman turned around, a two year old boy in her arms. But I recognized that two year old, and that blonde woman...

"Gr-grandma?" I choked out the word.

"Excuse me?" she seemed amused at my reaction.

"Minerva, I'd like you to meet some new friends I made today," the Doctor stepped over to the woman, "This is Isadora Lozano, and this-" he toyed with the toddler's hand, "-is little Aaron Lozano. Isadora, Aaron, this is my good friend, Minerva Souza."

I just...stared. I had no idea what to even think of this, how to process this...

"Nice to meet you," my grandmother held out her hand for me to shake.

"N-nice to meet you too," I couldn't stop staring at her face.

She was young. I mean, not that young, but middle-aged. Her blonde hair fell to her shoulders, her deep jade-green eyes filled with nurture as they were in my time. Her face wasn't wrinkled, her hands were soft and warm. She was...so beautiful.

"I met Isadora today in a shop," the Doctor explained, "Apparently, they're on a vacation with their children."

"They?" I repeated, immediately knowing who else was with them, "Grandpa?"

"Is she okay?" my grandmother asked the Doctor.

"Misses her grandparents," he waved her off, "Minerva?"

"Sorry," I stepped over, seeing little uncle Aaron hold out his hand for me.

"Shake!" He exclaimed, making me smile.

"Sorry little guy, hello," I took his small hand and shook it.

"Isadora? I think we need to go, Sophia fell asleep." A voice I hadn't heard in years called.

A slightly older man, with dark brown hair and chocolate brown eyes walked over, carrying a six-year-old blonde girl in his arms who was indeed asleep

"Oh, hello, John," he smiled at the Doctor.

I stumbled back, the Doctor quickly going to my side and aiding me before I fell back, "Oh my god..." I whispered. I'm sure I must have looked like a bug with these wide eyes of mine.

"Happy birthday," the Doctor whispered to me and dropped a kiss to my hair.

"Hello," I greeted my grandfather, my eyes tearing up very fast.

"Oh, hello," he turned around with a smile on his face.

"Alan, this is my friend I was talking about," the Doctor said, "This is Minerva Souza."

"The one who likes to see the stars as well?"

"Yes."

"Oh, very nice to meet you then," he moved to shake my hand but with 'Sophia' in his arms, it wasn't very possible.

"Oh, here," the Doctor stepped up, taking the girl into his arms for a second, knowing what it would mean to me to actually greet my grandfather, "There we go."

My grandfather looked at him with confusion but apparently had good trust in him. He held out his hand for me but I couldn't just shake his hand. I went up and hugged him. "Hello," I whispered with more tears falling down my face.

He wasn't even bothered that some girl was hugging him and crying. Instead, he just chuckled, "Hello! A hugger I see? Sophia's like that too, she has to hug everyone."

"Me too!" little Aaron inputted.

"Yes, he too," my grandfather agreed.

I closed my eyes for a second, taking a deep breath before I forcefully had to pull away from him, "Sorry...hello."

"Hello," he repeated, still not bothered.

I looked him over, smiling so brightly, "It...it was very nice to meet you." I bit my lip, the words meaning so much for me that I just burst into sobs right there and then.

"Oh my," my grandmother gasped lightly, "Is she alright?"

"Are you alright, sweetheart?" My grandfather took me into his arms again.

"I'm sorry, it's just..." But I couldn't finish the sentence. There was nothing left to say, it was him. The grandfather I mourned for deeply, the one I missed terribly...and here he was, hugging me.

"It's her 18th birthday, she's a bit emotional," the Doctor explained, watching us with a sad smile.

"Oh, and you're crying?" My grandfather asked me, "You can't have that. I always say-"

"Crying makes the stars sad," We said simultaneously.

"Hey, where'd you get that from?" He frowned, disappointed I'd taken his phrase, "I say that to my kids all the time."

"Even though it makes no sense," My grandmother scolded him, moving up beside us.

"Yet it makes them happy so I've done my job," he shrugged.

I looked between them, their silly, short arguments returning to me from my childhood. They weren't even arguments, more like ways to piss off one another for five minutes then say 'I love you' for the next hour.

"Aaron says he's gonna travel to see the stars," the Doctor suddenly said, Aaron nodding happily.

He spoke baby apparently.

"I'm sure you will," I tugged on the toddler's hand, "Just you wait."

"Are you feeling better?" My grandfather questioned me, "No more crying?"

"Yeah, sorry," I wiped my face, "Emotional...and all..."

"Well, happy birthday, Minerva," my grandmother stepped up and hugged me, little Aaron trying to do the same.

"Thank you."

"Happy birthday, sweetheart," my grandfather hugged me next. As soon as I felt his arms, I hugged him back tighter, "May you receive all the gifts you want."

Already done.

He stepped back, turning to the Doctor who handed him back the sleeping six year old in his arms, "Better get back to the hotel, now."

"What's her name?" I asked, gazing upon my sleeping mother.

"Sophia."

"Lovely name," I smiled, watching my grandfather brush a blonde lock away from her face.

"Well, we'll be going now," my grandmother said, "The kids need sleep and all."

"Nice to see you again," the Doctor waved as they walked away.

"Just...how?" I whispered, staring after them until I couldn't see them anymore.

"I was at a shop, and then a two year old wanted to take away my banana," he stuffed his hands in his pockets, "This feisty little toddler just demanded to have my banana. You know, I'm pretty sure he cursed in Spanish."

I chuckled, my uncle was known for his remarkable ability to curse in several languages.

"So then his mother comes along, Isadora, and immediately apologizes for her son's potty mouth. Though between you and me, Aaron wasn't very sorry."

"What are they doing here?"

"Vacation. The family always wanted to visit London so here they are..."

"That was my grandfather," I pointed, taking a deep breath, "My grandfather. The one I watched the stars with. The one that taught me how to ride a bike...the one that read me a bedtime story and even acted out some parts...that was him. Him."

"You okay?" The Doctor turned to me.

I looked at him, showing him my watery eyes. No, I wasn't okay but I wasn't terrible either. There was just no way to describe how I felt seeing my grandfather after such a long time processing his death. But though as impatient as I knew that the Doctor was, he didn't say anything and he didn't move. He just waited for me to answer.

"Can I please get a hug?" I asked him in a frail whisper.

"Of course," he smiled. He wrapped his arms around me, unknowingly giving me that type of support that only he was capable of. I felt his chin rest lightly over my head and his hand soothingly rubbing my back.

"He died..." I sniffled quietly.

"I know."

"I was at the burial..."

"I know."

"I miss him so much!"

"But he's never actually gone," he reminded, "In our time, anywhere actually, he's just watching out for you and his family. Didn't you tell me that?"

"Yeah, but I just saw him," I pulled away, "He was right here, he was talking."

"Who's to say he's not doing that in the afterlife?"

"You believe in the afterlife?"

"A good friend is persuading me to."

I smiled, "Doctor, this was incredible. Thank you. I will not live to repay you for this."

"I don't want a payment, I want you to be happy. I told you, didn't I? I intend for you to be happy. So I've got one last thing to give you before I call it a night."

"What? Another gift?"

"What do you mean another?" he frowned, "This wasn't it."

"But...but that was my grandfather, alive."

"Yeah, I would've showed you them anyways. Your birthday just happened to be today. No, I've got your real present right here," he patted his inside coat.

"What is it?"

"Come along," he took my hand and led us away.

And on our way, passing by the tables, I saw Martha and Brad...kissing.

"Martha Elizabeth Jones!" I nearly shouted, moving to break them apart.

"Oh no you don't, Mum," the Doctor gripped my hand and forced me to keep moving.

"But they're kissing!" I hissed.

"Yes, in public, meaning that's the only thing they'll be doing. So relax."

"But-"

"Relax."

I frowned and desisted in my attempts. We walked down the small hill, stopping in front of the iced lake.

"I hope you don't plan on pushing me out there because unlike the Monsoon, I will fall," I informed.

"No, I just liked the place, that's all. Plus, look," he pointed up.

I looked up and saw the sky with its stars, far more than the ones at my grandmother's house, "Oh..."

"Happy birthday, Minerva," he declared and when I looked back to him, he held out a small, black, rectangular box in his hand. “Minerva,” he called and when I looked back, he was holding a black, rectangular box in his hands. Before I could ask about it, he started talking. “Minerva, the name originating from the Goddess of war and wisdom, has many layers. How so I describe each one? I can't. She's classic, she's the moon and the stars, and she's my companion. She's my best friend. And today's the day that the universe decided she would be born. Happy birthday Minerva Souza.”

My eyes teared up again at such sweet words that I’m sure no one would ever say to me, and if they did...it wouldn’t hold a candle to the way the Doctor delivered the words.

I gingerly took the gift from him. "What is it?"

"Take it and open it up," he instructed with sarcasm.

I pulled the lid off to find a silver necklace neatly tucked inside. It was dark silver with a small chain holding a circular pendant. I picked it up, finding some symbols on the front of the pendant, strangely familiar because as I recalled...

"What's this, Doctor?" I gestured to the symbols.

"Uh...see...I thought, you'd like to know, maybe...how your name would look if it was written in a new language."

"Well, what language is it?" I asked, holding it right in front of me to get a closer look.

"Mine," he said and my eyes immediately snapped to him. "It's mine, the language..." he cleared his throat, "It's mine. Gallifreyan."

"I knew it," I started smiling, "This is wonderful!"

"So you like it?"

"Mhm, it's so pretty!" I held the pendant in my palm, all the crazy symbols just making me smile at the effort he must have put into this, "You translated my name into your language?" He nodded, "Wow...this is beautiful, really, really beautiful. Thank you."

"It was because of that-" he pointed to the necklace, "-that I met Isadora and Aaron. I just needed the chain and went to a shop..."

"How did you even make this?"

"With effort and motivation," he shrugged, "And the look on your face was my motivation."

"I was your motivation?"

"Yeah, and I'm glad to see you liked it."

"No, no, I love it," I handed him the box and started fastening the necklace around my neck, "This is never coming off."

"It looks beautiful on you," he remarked and I silently thanked the heavens it was dark enough to hide my blush perfectly.

If he did all these sweet things for me...doesn't that mean something? Would it mean that Kaeya perhaps wasn't his choice? Could I dare to think this possibility...?

~0~

"Over here," I flicked on the lights as the Doctor entered the apartment, a half-asleep Martha in his arms.

Poor thing was just so sick now.

"Martha, we're bringing you to bed now," the Martian informed as he headed for the hallways while I closed the door with lock.

"Mhm...Brad?"

"No!" I shouted, following after them.

The Doctor entered our room first so I quickly went past him to pull the covers of the bed for them, "Maybe now would be a good time for some soup."

"Shut up," Martha muttered, pulling the covers over her and literally sprawling all over the bed.

"Hm," I crossed my arms, "It'll be interesting to find a spot to sleep in."

"I'm sorry," she mumbled, going into a coughing fit.

"I told her we shouldn't have gone out," I sighed, moving up and placing a hand over her forehead, feeling no fever yet.

"I'll go to the living room," she started moving up.

"No!"

"You and I can't share the room because you'll get sick," she tried to argue before sneezing.

"I'm not gonna let my best friend, who is sick as dog, sleep on the couch. Lay down, and go to sleep."

"I'm not gonna let my best friend take the couch on her birthday."

"Martha!"

"Minerva!"

"No arguing," the Doctor cut in, "Minerva, you take my room, I'll take the living room. There. Martha, you stay in bed and try to get some sleep."

She nodded, coughing again, "Okay."

"Doctor, you don't have to," I whispered as Martha laid down again, pulling the covers over her.

"Sh," he put a finger on his lips, nodding to the woman on the bed.

"Martha?" I glanced back.

Silence.

She had fallen asleep.

"We're gonna need to take her to a doctor tomorrow," I informed the Martian, "A human one, anyways."

"Ha, ha," he headed for the door.

"No, wait," I reached to stop him, about to make another insistence on me taking the couch when I yawned as well.

"I'll get my things out of my room for you," he smiled and walked out.

I sighed, feeling too tired to just go and follow. I'd get changed, make my argument, then fall on the couch dead asleep. The public dance party tired me out completely. After the little presents the Doctor had given me, we returned to the dance floor, actually danced both slow and fast songs. Then, along with Martha and Brad, we moved onto the game stands, gone out to eat, and just taken walks around the city, seeing what else we could do. It was just lovely!

I don't think any birthday would ever compare to this one.

After checking up on Martha one more time, I walked for the Doctor's room. I had changed into a my white nightie once more and pulled over my silver robe. I braided my hair to the side as I knocked on the Martian's room.

"Come in!"

I opened the door and walked inside, "I came to say I'm just fine in the living room."

"None of that," he wagged a finger, his other hand tugging off his tie, "I don't even need the same amount of sleep as you two do."

"Yeah, but I also know you haven't been sleeping lately because of the Sally Sparrow dilemma, so you'll be needing some sleep tonight," I finished braiding my hair and clapped my hands, "So, I'll take that couch and that's that. Besides, I've slept in a desert, on the ground. A comfy, cushiony couch is far too big of a step up!"

He rolled his eyes, "Take that step outside and I'll personally drag you back in here."

"Oh, scary Martian," I teased.

"How's Martha?"

"Oh, asleep," I walked over to the bed, plopping down, "'But she's coughing like crazy. Still no fever so I guess that's good. No infection or anything."

"We'll take care of her tomorrow," he promised.

I yawned, "You can take the morning shift."

He went around the room, gathering his things for the night, discreetly pulling out his pajamas that would tell me he was planning on actually sleeping tonight.

"Where's my toothbrush?" he looked around.

I glanced back, seeing said toothbrush on one of his nightstand's. I crawled up and reached for it, "Right here!"

"How'd you find it?" he frowned, walking over and taking it.

"Because I actually look for my things. And why is your toothbrush in here and not in the bathroom?" I nodded towards the door on our left.

"Um...I forgot to bring it back?"

"Men," I rolled my eyes.

"I'm gonna go brush my teeth and get changed then I'll leave, alright?"

"But I told you-"

And then he pushed me down, "Yeah, goodnight," he turned away for the bathroom.

"That was rude!" I called after him, throwing a pillow that nearly got him but instead hit the door.

I turned to the side, actually liking the comfiness. And also, it tended to give off the Doctor's scent, making me feel like he was still here. I closed my eyes, smiling as I breathed in that minty scent of his, wishing he could actually be right here. Perhaps, one day, if he miraculously returned my feelings, we could be like this...together, sleeping in each other's arms.

But he wouldn't. He couldn't. Kaeya was still out there, coming back to him...and he loved her. Of course he'd stay with her. Perhaps they'd even sleep in the same room, just like this one, in the TARDIS, in each other's arms. I put a hand to my chest, squeezing my eyes tighter as it pained me to think of that. How would I live with those two around? I still had my doubt whether or not to stay in the box of wonders. Part of my screamed 'yes' because it would be the most practical things to do. But another part didn't want to let go. But I knew my heart wouldn't be able take that amount of pain. I wouldn't be able to live with the Doctor and Kaeya, knowing how much they loved each other and would always do. Leaving seemed like the smartest thing to do...

"Minerva, there's more blankets if..." the Doctor had returned, but I maintained my eyes closed.

These stupid thoughts were threatening to show their consequences and frankly, I didn't feel like crying on my birthday. I wanted to sleep and that's it. So I kept my eyes shut, hoping to fool the Martian so he'd leave and let me finally fall asleep. But something else happened instead.

The covers were pulled over me, up to my shoulders. The bed shuffled a bit and I assumed he had taken a seat beside me, his hand brushing the side of my face.

"Happy birthday, clever, sassy girl," he whispered, pressing a kiss to my forehead.

I thought that would be the end of it and he'd go on his way...but he didn't.

The bed shuffled once more and then I felt his hand repeatedly trailing down and up the side of my face, his scent growing stronger and stronger due what I assumed was him nearing. I was sure my racing heart would give me away that I was faking to be asleep but he didn't notice it.

And then it happened.

My lips felt something pressed up against them, something soft, something warm. My eyes snapped open to see it was him, the Doctor, kissing me...on the lips...out of his free will. His eyes were closed for the moment, unable to see my fake 'sleepiness'. And for some reason, I decided to let him continue to believe that. I closed my eyes, forcing myself to try and stay calm. But how could I!?

He pulled away from his short kiss, the cold October air once again taking control of mine, and he sighed, "...I wish you'd remember."

The bed shuffled once more as he got up, heaving another heavy sigh as his footsteps distanced themselves from the bed, until the door was opened and shut. A couple of minutes passed before I opened my eyes.

What had happened? What was I supposed to remember?

While all these questions popped into my head, I sat up, my fingers went up to my lips as they curved into a smile, my heart racing with joy.

He had kissed me. There was no apology, no explanation, no anticipation...nothing. He had kissed me because he wanted to. And this time, this time, I would not be too' sweet' nor too 'oblivious'. This time, I'd speak out my feelings. Because if he decided to kiss me like this, hidden, it was because he had something hidden in his hearts...

...and I was determined to discover it.

~0~

London, 2007.

Sally Sparrow and Larry Nightingale sat in the old abandoned house in which Sally had found the Doctor's message in. There was a portable DVD player which Larry had brought which held the mysterious Easter Eggs of the Doctor...and two other women.

"Okay, this is the one with the clearest sound. Slightly better picture quality on this one, but I don't..." Larry was fiddling with the DVD player.

"Doesn't matter," Sally waved it off.

"Okay. There he is."

"The Doctor."

"Who's the Doctor?"

"He's the Doctor."

"Yep. That's me," the Doctor on the monitor said, startling Sally.

"Okay, that was scary."

"No, it sounds like he's replying, but he always says that," Larry said, though he was a bit freaked out himself. Out of all the times he'd seen those videos, not once had anyone concurred with the man on the monitor.

"Yes, I do," the Doctor continued.

"And that," Larry pointed.

"Yep, and this."

"He can hear us. Oh, my God, you can really hear us!" Sally exclaimed.

"Of course he can't hear us. Look! I've got a transcript, see, everything he says," Larry showed Sally the transcript, "Yep, that's me". "Yes, I do". "Yep, and this". Next it's..."

"Are you going to read out the whole thing?"

"Sorry."

"Who are you?" Sally asked, choosing to ignore the fact Larry had concurred with him too.

"I'm a time traveler. Or I was. I'm stuck in 1969."

"We're stuck," a brunette women smacked him on the arm before heaving a sigh.

"I thought you weren't mad anymore!"

"Never said that," she pointed at him.

Another woman moved into the screen, smacking the man on his other arm, "All of space and time, he promised me. Now I've got a job in a shop, she's got a job in a department store, and we've got to support him!"

"Martha! Minerva!" he shot both women some glares, not that any of them seem to care.

"I've seen this bit before," Sally remarked.

"Quite possibly," the Doctor said.

"1969, that's where you're talking from?"

"'Fraid so."

"But you're replying to me. You can't know exactly what I'm gonna say, 40 years before I say it!"

"Technically it's 38," Minerva shrugged, "You get a lot of time to get math right..." she looked at the Doctor who just returned it with a smirk.

"I told you I'd make you learn everything I knew."

She elbowed him and that was the finish of that.

"I love her," Larry chuckled as he scribbled on the transcript, "I'm getting this down! I'm writing in your bits," he said to Sally.

"How? How is this possible? Tell me!" Sally demanded, biting back a chuckle as well.

"Not so fast," Larry said.

"People don't understand time. It's not what you think it is," the Doctor began explaining.

"Then what is it?" Sally asked

"Complicated."

"Tell me."

"Very complicated."

"I'm clever and I'm listening. And don't patronize me because people have died, and I'm not happy. Tell me."

"People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but actually from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it's more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey stuff."

"Okay, I refuse from this point on to call you the Oncoming Storm," Minerva gave him a serious look, "Wibbly Wobbly, timey wimey?"

"That makes two," Martha raised her hand.

"Yeah, I've seen this bit before. You said that sentence got away from you," Sally pointed, the Doctor immediately saying it after, "And then she says, 'You're just an idiot'," she and Minerva said simultaneously.

"Seriously, love her," Larry chuckled again, shaking his head.

"And then the next thing you're going to say is, "Well, I can hear you"," Sally continued.

"Well, I can hear you," the Doctor said.

"This isn't possible."

"No. It's brilliant!" Larry exclaimed.

"Oh don't think he's that smart," Martha waved off the screen, "We can't hear you, exactly."

"But we know exactly everything you're going to say," Minerva finished.

"Always gives me the shivers, that bit," remarked Larry.

"How can you know what I'm going to say?" Sally asked, confused.

"Look to your left," the Doctor instructed.

"What does he mean by, "Look to your left"? I've written tons about that on the forums. I think it's a political statement," Larry rambled on.

Sally looked at him, shaking her head, "He means you. What are you doing?"

"I'm writing in your bits. So I've got a complete transcript of the whole conversation. Wait until this hits the net. This will explode the egg forums."

"We've got a copy of the finished transcript. It's on my Auto-cue," the Doctor explained.

"How can you have a copy of the finished transcript? It is still being written," Sally nearly threw her head back in frustration.

"I told you. I'm a time traveler. I got it in the future."

"Okay, let me get my head 'round this. You're reading from a transcript of a conversation you're still having? Wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey."

"You just made a poor human say those words," Minerva shook her head, "Shame on you, Martian."

"What matters is we can communicate," the Doctor rolled his eyes at the brunette, "We have got big problems now. They've taken the blue box, haven't they? The angels have the phone box."

"The angels have the phone box! That's my favorite, I've got it on a tee-shirt!"

"What do you mean, angels? You mean those statue things?" Sally asked, just knowing those things weren't good.

"Creatures from another world."

"But they're just statues."

"Only when you see them."

"What does that mean?"

"Lonely assassins, they were called. No-one knows where they came from. They're as old as the universe, or very nearly. They've survived this long as they have the most perfect defense system ever evolved. They are quantum-locked. They don't exist when being observed. The moment they're seen by any other living creature they freeze into rock. No choice. It's a fact of their biology. In the sight of any living thing, they literally turn to stone. And you can't kill a stone. Course, a stone can't kill you either. But then you turn your head away, then you blink, and oh, yes it can!"

"Don't take your eyes off that," Sally ordered Larry, nodding towards one Angel that was in the garden ahead of them.

"That's why they cover their eyes. They're not weeping, they can't risk looking at each other. Their greatest asset is their greatest curse. They can never be seen. The loneliest creatures in the universe. And I'm sorry, I am very, very sorry, it's up to you now."

"What am I supposed to do?"

"The blue box, it's my time machine. There is a world of time energy in there they could feast on forever. The damage they can do can switch off the sun. You have got to send it back to me!"

"How? How?"

"And that's it, I'm afraid. There's no more from you on the transcript, that's all I've got. I dunno what stopped you talking, but I can guess. They're coming. The angels are coming for you. But listen, your life could depend on this. Don't blink! Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead. They are fast, faster than you can believe. Don't turn your back, don't look away, and don't blink! Good luck!"

Sally looked up, almost flinching when she realized something crucially important...Larry had stopped watching the Angel.

#ocappreciation #doctor who #10th doctor #doctor who fics #10th doctor fics #doctor who imagines #10th doctor imagines #martha jones #oc: Minerva Souza #fic: next stop eveywhere

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