#but screw it I'll post for my own reference if nothing else

[tabitha-tree]

ymmv, but I've recently learned how to feel my way out. There's a bit of an art to it, and it takes some getting the hang of (like it's taken me 3 years, 2 and a half of which I was in therapy). So, one of the things she told me was about how intellectualising your feelings feels like you're processing them but actually you're not.

To me as a software guy it makes sense to conceptualise it as I'm putting the inputs (my feelings) through the wrong function (intellectualising) and it's returning an error (I'm still having feelings and now I'm beating myself up for not getting over it). So I had to write a different function that's something like:

Step 0: I make sure I'm in a safe place, sometimes I get someone to be there with me as well.

Step 1: what am I feeling? like what am I actually feeling? and this input type only accepts feelings. I have one of those wheels with the feelings words on printed out. e.g. one of today's feelings I was dealing with was "inadequate"

Step 2: feel it. This one's gotten a lot easier with practice, but unfortunately - at least for me - feelings really do demand to be felt. And I've found there's a difference between a feeling arising and properly sitting in it. And it's difficult to notice because I feel things very strongly so how could the emotional agony I'm in not be feeling it properly. Well, I don't understand it but I can usually tell it's working if I start feeling worse before I feel better (this is why we need step 0). Cause for some reason if I don't do this step and the next one properly, the feeling will just keep coming back.

Step 3: validate. I've gotten really good at doing this by myself, but I used to need someone else to do it. Often I still do need someone else to do it. Obviously specific to the situation but it usually goes something like "no, it makes sense that you feel like that. It's a really tough situation. I can see that this is very painful," etc

And then I don't know why but it usually starts fading away quite soon after that. As an example, the first time after therapy that I really really noticed it happen I was feeling so crushingly embarrassed about something I said at a work social, and not only that I felt disappointed in a couple of my colleagues for not backing me up. And I tried to logic it out for days and I still felt awful, it just hurt so much inside. And it wasn't until I was sat on the couch with my flatmate at the time complaining about the situation and I said "yeah I just feel embarrassed, like really really embarrassed that I got that social situation wrong" and I knew I'd been avoiding saying that or admitting it to myself cause I felt myself tear up a bit and he said something like "shit, yeah, that sounds awful, and feeling like the others didn't have your back must've hurt pretty bad too" and I said something like "yeah it really hurts" and then quite abruptly I felt it all start to drain away.

So yeah. Doesn't work all the time especially if I'm in a super bad brain space or I don't have any of my emotional support people around, but like just the other week I processed a rejection in fuckin record time like fully speed ran that one (although man sitting alone in a room staring at the wall and occasionally crying for an afternoon isn't the most exciting speedrun lol)

it’s so stupid that you can’t think your way out of the mental health trenches. like you can know exactly what is wrong, why it’s upsetting you, and you can walk yourself through all of it logically and Understand it but your brain just responds like

[ninainthetardis]

⚠️⚠️⚠️ HoFaS Spoilers ahead ⚠️⚠️⚠️

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Just a bunch of things about this finale that I wanted to get off my chest. I will start by saying that I found it overall underwhelming, unsatisfying and anticlimactic, so you can guess it's not going to be a positive rant here. This is the part of my GR review I haven't posted there.

Please, do not come at me under this post or the others. This is just my opinion, and I won't be answering any rude comment. I have the right to express my own disappointment. Those who want to have a constructive and respectful conversation are always welcome, though.

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• The crossover ended up being reeeeally underwhelming, and the whole Ruhn/Rhys thing that built the entire hype for this book was explained in the lamest way possible (and at a certain point even forgotten by the characters). Also, what the hell were those references to ToG that were just dropped there without further explanation? We know how the Fae from Prythian got to Midgard, but what about the ToG ones? How is it that Lidia has knowledge about her ancestors from the other world? Also, how could Lidia know she had fire magic even when Danika was alive if elemental magic had been hidden and kept dormient in every Vanir for centuries?

• I am not a big fan of Azriel and Bryce, and I am definitely not on the list of Nesta's fans, but you know what? This trio worked. For some reason, I liked to see them interacting, and I actually found Azriel and Nesta's dynamic an element that could be interesting if explored in the following acotar books. Maybe it's just that I didn't care about any of them enough to be bothered by the things I usually find annoying (Bryce), triggering (Nesta), and irritating (Azriel) in such characters.

Too bad Nesta screwed it up with the mask thing (which I have already discussed here) and in Ember/Randall's bonus chapter with the return of her spiteful, ungrateful, behaviour/attitude. I guess the best I can hope for when it comes to Nesta is to be civil to her and nothing more, just like it happened with post ToD Chaol. Slightly less even. Like, maybe she could stop triggering me every two pages. That would be progress and beyond any of my expectations, really. It would make the next acotar books much easier to read, though I cannot forget how she's been in the past.

• I didn't like the info dump both in the final part of the crossover and in the part with the Princes. I would have preferred some flashbacks showing what happened to the "tell don't show" technique SJM chose here. And finding out what happened in the First War, for me, was the most interesting point of the whole book, so that execution disappointed me.

• Why was everything resolved so easily? Bryce got everything she needed provided for, or told by someone else, she somehow managed to master new skills within a range of few seconds (the same can be told for Lidia and the other characters when freed of the infection) and the most interesting aspect of her character - her being so underpowered in comparison to the Asteri - Was totally nullified by the ridiculous amount of power she got along the way. Literally, all they did/tried to do, worked first try. Where is the struggle? Where is the pain KoA made me feel? Where are the emotions? The only moment I felt something was that "Light it up, Danika!" At the end of the book. Just that.

And where is the characters development? Ships development? Also, the always absent talking about traumas is really getting on my nerves. I'll be making examples about this later.

• What the hell was that recycled finale? It resembled KoA's finale. It even had the "Rhys is dead" plot twist, but with Bryce and with the same resolution. Also, what was the point of having characters killed in books 1 and 2 if Hypaxia could've just resurrected them within a couple of minutes? I hate the resurrection theme, especially when overused. It diminishes everything.

• I am apparently one of the few people who's given Hypaxia some consideration. She's been one of my favourites ever since the first book, but... in HoFaS she's just doing miracles, resurrecting people, and developing an antidote out of the blue in a couple of hours (really?), which brings me back to the fact that in this, everything happened too easily.

• So, SJM is trying to tell me that the Asteri were so clever to submit a population of powerful Vanir people for 15000 years, meanwhile keeping hidden form them that they were limiting and stealing their magic, - and even eating their dead's - but then failed to imagine Bryce's real plan because they were too arrogant? Wtf was that? Am i supposed to believe that Rigelus just underestimated her when in book 1, he was the one trying to keep her calm and content because he recognised how dangerous she was, after all she had done?

• What was the point of introducing Ariadne?

• I can't say I am totally disappointed in Jesiba's character, I just don't understand why the most powerful characters for magic or combat skills were kept away from the battle against beings as powerful as the Asteri lol Her arriving only at the end of the battle, Fury and Baxian being away... meh, everything was just kind of disappointing.

• Also, black holes? 🤨 no insights about the battle and the Princes fighting? All we got was literally: "The Princes killed the other Asteri, yay!". Did I mention that it was all so disappointing and anticlimactic?

• Now, let's move on to specific characters:

- Tharion "the funny one turned into Mr Boredom".

I have to say it. He was the king of repetitive povs in book 2, and just one of the many characters in this series who started off as being interesting only to become almost annoying by the end of it. But he's the friend who can't do anything right to the point you end up thinking your own bullshit is not that shitty. Repetitive povs and excessive whining (he was supposed to be the funny one sigh) aside, I kind of still care about him. And him and Sathia are unexpectedly interesting as a couple, but we'll see if they become an actual one. I also liked his sort of friendship with Ariadne. And the one with the Aux and Ithan, "the pack". Please, let him sort his shit out and be fine because he's such a mess I cannot even hold it against him, lol

- Bryce the Fa(k)e Woke Queen-lan

I won't say that Bryce's character was butchered here because there was nothing to butcher according to me, she's always been like this. It just became more evident.

From HoSaB to the end, she's been annoying. Though she had some moments of glory along the way, I have to admit that. But why was she convinced that she could be Aelin all of a sudden? She was never a strategist nor a planner (and her plans ALWAYS failed, except her plans in HoFaS? How's that?). Her most successful moments were due to improvisation, - prompted by survival instinct - and luck. Now she's suddenly an entitled overpowered mastermind lol

She has zero respect for others feelings/traumas, as usual she's always right and anyone who disagrees with her is just an alpha asshole, she's better and knows better than anyone else (and I am still trying to figure out why she's supposed to be any of those things) and she's constantly criticising anyone else... for things she does herself too. Great. Like, in the crossover she literally complains about Nesta and Az manipulating her while.. she was doing the very same thing to them? Just like in book 1, when she was complaining all the time about Fury not talking to her while she did the same thing to Ithan.

And what the hell were her plans, anyway? She was so desperately trying to be Aelin, but she never even had a chance. Leaving Baxian and Fury in a naturally protected place and not taking them to battle? How is that smart? Not calling Jesiba, the powerful witch, to join the battle? HOW IS ANY OF THAT SMART?

She had a whole conversation with Nesta before Rhys arrived, his shadows announced pages before? (Wtf?)

She bloody endangered Prythian, almost freed and unleashed an Asteri on Prythian's soil, and Nesta GAVE HER THE MASK? (WTF I-don't-even-know-which-part-this-is-anymore)

Now, should I comment on Bryce's total disrespect for her mate's trauma and past while he's always been thoughtful when it came to hers? I do not ship them AT ALL, and it's not because Hunt is boring as someone claims, but because Hunt deserved better, tbh and I loved them in book 1! Worst SJM main female character, really.

Also, please tell me again why she was supposed to be the queen of a species she literally hated and didn't want anything to do with. She was Queen of generalisation in that sense. I loved how Baxian called her out and made her realise that she was only considering what was convenient and conform to her prefixed, biased ideas (the speech where he compares wolves and fae). I mean, she was right about fae nobility, but there were innocents among the fae too and she was talking about how the whole species deserved obliteration, while claiming wolves were better (when statistically there was a huge amount of wolves who judged her just like the fae and did nothing to help during the attack, just like the fae... because they obey to their leaders, and Sabine was just as bad as Morven and the Autumn King. Wolves were not all like the Devil's pack, Ithan and Danika, just like fae were not all like the Autumn/Avallen king). All while not considering the fae among her group and treating Declan and Flynn like shit for absolute no reason. Or giving those shitty answers to Sathia about her plans for the fae people... she was a victim of the system more than Bryce tbh Bryce's wokeness would have been so much more believable, useful and coherent if she wasn't biased as the ones she accused or an alpha asshole herself.

I am sorry, but I just cannot stand her hypocrisy. And I cannot stand generalisation.

- Hunt "the powerbank" Athalar

He was literally conceived to be Bryce's powerbank first and later his shadow (Umbra Mortis?!) who follows her everywhere without even being given the chance to have a say in what they are going to do. Otherwise, he'd be acting like an alpha asshole. Just to be told not to make a fuss about being held captive and tortured with his friends. I'm so pissed for his arc, because he was so interesting in book 1, only for his povs to become repetitive and sometimes boring in book 2 and almost non existing in book 3, like he didn't have any inviduality other than being Bryce's mate and anchor. Also, how could he blame himself for anything when Bryce didn't even listen to his warnings/complains/objections, leaving him with no other choice but following her to get at least the chance to protect/help her?

And then she's like "I don't want you to just follow me, I want that you want to do this" (wtf?)

Bonus: being son of Apollion or Thanatos instead of somehow created by them in terms of powers would have been so much more interesting.

I liked his friendship with Ruhn and Baxian though, and missed him and Isaiah/Naomi.

- Ithan "I don't even know what I'm doing" Holstrom

Why was Ithan so damn sure Sigrid would be a good leader for the wolves is beyond me. He didn't know her. Literally, it was just because she was a Fendyr. That was his only argument in support of his theory. As if Sabine wasn't proof that being a Fendyr didn't automatically make you a good leader. As if Sigrid didn't act entitled and reckless and dominant and selfish and despotic the whole time. It's all she's done, really, and he did not expect that she was not that good as he wanted her so desperately to be? SHE AIMED TO KILL HIM IN THAT PIT! Him, the very person who risked everything to save her, the only person who ever cared about her! A person who was not trying to harm her despite the circumstances. She was not going to try and find another way even though she knew all those lives depended on the group getting out the Viper Queen's hands... it was self defense and I truly get his struggle to accept what happened BUT defeating the Asteri was the priority and the fact that she came back 5 seconds later as a creature that could not be killed and known for being dangerous, when it is known that messing with the dead usually leads to no good... did not exactly make me empathise at all with this whole arc. And after that, he was still whining about Sigrid instead of fully focusing on fighting the Asteri...

It's a pity because I really liked him before this Sigrid thing. But I'd be willing to give him a second - or should I say third? - chance. I think Perry may be his mate, anyway, and I am kind of curious about that.

- Ruhn/Lidia

I was totally unimpressed by them as a couple after book 2, but I thought they were getting interesting at the beginning of book 3. Then somehow Lidia felt entitled to be pissed at Ruhn because he was struggling to accept that Day was the Hind (wtf) and then Ruhn felt entitled to be pissed at Lidia for not talking to him about her past (wtf part 2). Only to forget/postpone all of their issues because they were horny and about to go to battle against the Asteri. That's not ship building/development. Ruhn shooting her was too much, even if he was trying to protect her and sacrifice himself. But that idea made no sense and had literally no use or purpose. Why did SJM think it would be a good idea? Adding some drama/shock value element that was totally uncalled for and that only resulted in diminishing a ship that wasn't even well developed to begin with? Because it served nothing and it was dumb. Leaving Lidia wounded and vulnerable. One of the best assets they had in that battle - and they didn't bring many with them. Just like clockwork hadn't been for Tharion, they would have all been dead five seconds later.

To think that the fact that Lidia already had two kids was such an interesting and unexplored arc for mates... sigh, I am disappointed.

I am happy that it was Ruhn to deal with the Autumn King in the end, though. He deserved closure and to free himself of that monster. I am quite sad that his character never had the chance to fully come out.

Lidia carried the whole book. I loved her.

- Baxian/Danika

They truly were the most interesting ship in this series. I hope there will be a flashback book/novella about them. I swear I would love it. Their dynamic is also interesting, and I'd love to get to know Baxian better. But maybe, we will?

To sum up, this series left me absolutely nothing. I do not care enough about any of the characters, I didn't get particularly affectionate to any of them. Its major strength was the focus on friendship, but after the first book, it was almost absent, the principle only slightly reminded by Ruhn, Dec and Flynn/Hunt, Rhun, and Baxian. The premises of the story in general were so good (HoEaB), but the execution through book 2 and 3 was so poor it disappointed me. It's not a bad series, it is entertaining in its own way... it's just a bit "undertone" if compared to the other SJM series, it lacked of emotions, plot/characters/ships development and impact, I don't know how to say it. I hope the next books will be better. My guess is on Ithan, Tharion, Flynn next. Or even Sathia, considering that SJM prefers female povs. I wish we'd seen Fury and Juniper a bit more, and Dec and Marc, but they are established couples, so I don't think we'll see any of them as main. Flynn has that slightly hinted thing with Ariadne, who was introduced and forgotten, so maybe she'll be important later? I want to stay optimistic lol

I wished there was a better development for Ruhn and Lidia as a couple, though, and Ruhn as a character because I think they'll be side characters from now on. Also, why on earth was their marriage in a bonus chapter? That's not extra content. That's the ending for two of the main characters. It's not fair!

Btw, imo the only memorable characters in this series so far are Danika, Baxian, Aidas, and Lidia.

[annoying-starlight-trainer]

Hello. Here's a picture.

...right, so let's fix this mess, my names Subaru, get it right or just fuck off, I guess?

Pronouns are They/He. I am a minor. Don't ask beyond that for specification.

As of right now, uh, let's just say, shit happened? Apparently, just trying my hand at this whole journey thing ended... not catastrophically, but it's... new-ish.

Give me a second to change the blog name to something more respectable.

I guess I can share stories about my pokemon and stuff about my journey through Sinnoh and Hoenn?

I hope we get along and if we don't screw off.

Some facts.

All Pokèmon are adorable, screw what anyone else has to say, it's all in the eye of the beholder.

Er, my favorite food is cake, I enjoy the fine arts, theater, ballet, poetry, literature, so on and so forth.

I will fight you over snowcone flavors, don't test the limits of my pettiness, you will be both disappointed in me and yourself.

I like astrology, I suppose, the stars are comforting, and if you know your stuff, they can lead you to civilization at night.

I try to be as safe in my practices of meat consumption as possible, I'm not a vegan, but I will track down humane slaughtering practices if it kills me.

Share recipes, tell me inane things, or about your experiences with your friends and Pokèmon teammares.

Gender is a lie, I'm everything and nothing, please refer to me with They/Them pronouns.

My Pokémon are Noctis the Infernape, Argentum the Staraptor, Gladiolus the Lopunny, Ravus the Luxray, Stella the Gardevoir, Iris the Roserade. I also, uh, have Ardyn the Piplup.

And... uh, that's it.

I'll probably add to this point at some point in the future, so, uh, keep a look out for that.

Thanks for stopping by, I guess...

Here are the basic rules of this blog.

1. Nothing too personal, please, I'd rather not die trying to answer a question about my most traumatic moment with a Spinark or something.

2. As a minor, respect my boundaries and such.

3. Don't badger me about my own interpersonal relationships outside of this blog. If anyone starts 'shipping' me with anyone, I will track you down.

4. I don't wish to partake in discourse between other blogs.

5. Treat me like a human being. If you cross my boundaries, I'll be more than willing to inform you if you weren't aware, but don't do it twice.

DNI: Aqua/Magma Supporters, People actively against any LGBTQA+ movement, Plasma Supporters, Whatever the hell is left of Galatic, and most importantly, anyone who, just, genuinely, wants to start shit just for the sake of it.

OOC: Names Aurie, I'm twenty-one, first time doing this sort of thing, so give me a good minute to figure it all out.

I'll likely get a tag list figured out at some point, hopefully. Maybe.

Wish me luck!

And be respectful, please. Subaru, the character is just barely seventeen.

[Also, yes, the rehaul is intentional from anyone that sees the early posts, Subaru eas always meant to disappear for a little over a year or two, it just... ended up going to real time as well...]

Picrew Link

[bokettochild]

For any WIP you wish to talk about-- 2, 7, 9, 10, 12!

Hmmmm....

I've been having a lot of fun with 'A Bride for Hyrule's Prince' so I guess I'll run with that!

2.What tropes or fandom headcanons are you involving? Are you challenging any tropes or headcanons?

Well, pretty predictably, I'm including the Fable and Legend are twins hc, but I'm also including Ravio and Hilda as siblings. I'm also messing around with Knight Warriors concept.

I don't think I'm really challenging anything really with this fic, but it is unfinished as of yet

7. Do you listen to music while writing your WIP? If so, what? Do you have a playlist?

So, I actually have a writing playlist, but for this fic specifically I was listening to "Let Us adore You" from Steven Universe. It fits in an odd way that makes no sense unless you've read the thing, but helps set my mood :)

9. How do you feel about this WIP? Is it frustrating? Fun? Strange?

I really like this one. It's very different form my usual fics, and is shaping up to be a bit more dramatic than I intended (who's surprised, show of hands). I set out for fun and I'm getting some Castle Intrigue vibes? Which is weird, since I've only ever read castle intrigue content once (in this fandom actually, it was really good)

It is frustrating in it's own ways, since I have to convey everything through one perspective instead of darting everywhere like I usually do, and there are times when I don't know where to go with it to keep it running, but it's getting there

10. Is your WIP an AU or canon-compliant? Either way, talk about any research you had to do, lore you had to make, or timelines you had to screw with to make it work. Talk about what makes your universe tick!

It's mostly cannon compliant, but I did have to mess around a bit with the royal lineage and create a bunch of side characters. There isn't a lot in the way of lore as yet, but I have had fun making Legend reference the heck outta our pop culture. So far the counter is at 2 for pop culture references hidden in the text, but I want to push it a bit more. reasonably, he wouldn't know about these things, but I don't care because it's funny for me XD

Fortunately, I studied the heck outta castle life as a kid, so I have something of an idea of what to do without research now

12. How did you come up with this fic? Where were you/what were you doing when you thought of it?

This was actually a fic idea suggested to the fandom as a whole back in...fall? I think?

The idea popped back into my head while I was at work one day, and since I had nothing else to do, I pulled out my laptop, set it on our spare register where it couldn't be seen by any customers who would come it, and jotted out the first three or so chapters. I've had fun adding to it, yes, but the idea isn't mine to start with. i can't find the origin post though :(

[tardytothepardy]

Fruits Basket - Vol. 20

I want to try to break the book into three main chunks. The last time I did that, it was easier to write about. So uh, the first chunk has to do with Tohru and her feelings about Kyo, and Kagura's reaction, the second chunk is Akito and Ren's past being revealed (it's totally a mess but it's to be expected), and the third chunk is about things unraveling.

Ok cool let's do it. (The picture was at the end of one of the chapters, I just liked it a lot idk) (also tumblr needs to increase the character limit for the alt text, it's only 200 characters, which goes by quick. twitter has like,, 420, which is more manageable)

Tohru came to Kazuma's house to visit Izusu, and Kagura came to confront Tohru about something. What possibly could it be (as if I didn't say so in the beginning)? Kagura was talking about it a bit with Kazuma, and he said he just hopes that Tohru's feelings don't come from a place of pity (which is a mild "oof" point for Kagura, because that's mostly why she loved Kyo), because Kyo has had to deal with people either flat out hating him, or being nice to him out of a sense of pity. Even Kazuma admitted (earlier in the series. I don't remember when but I remember reading it) that part of the reason he took in Kyo as a child was because he was making it up for how he treated his grandfather, the previous Cat. Over time, those feelings fell away, in favor of genuinely caring for Kyo's wellbeing, but Kazuma doesn't seem to be the one who would forget about stuff like that. (Also it turns out that the previous Cat's partner basically stayed with him out of a sense of pity, as well)

It turns out that Izusu and Tohru were talking about the same thing, and Tohru worried if her feelings for Kyo were selfish, because she wanted nothing to take Kyo away from her, not the curse, not the Sohma family, nothing. Kagura then bust into the room, smacked Tohru across the fucking room it seems, and said, "Then fucking tell him that!!" (direct quote, 100%) Izusu yelled at Kagura for hitting Tohru, asking what right she had for doing that, but given Kagura's nature, it doesn't seem completely out of nowhere. She just got pretty emotional in that moment.

For Tohru, it seemed to knock the right screw loose for her, and she thought back to when she was talking about her father to Kyo, and if he said really anything against what she was talking about, she apparently would've just zipped her lips and pretended she hadn't said anything, and moved on, but he didn't. Which is pretty nice of him to do, honestly. Anyway, when she came to again (because she got knocked out from Kagura's emotion-packed slap), Kyo was sitting there, because Kazuma had called him, ("Hey dude so there was a smackdown here and Tohru got knocked out lmao" is how I'm imagining the call. kjdhkfgjh can you imagine Kazuma saying "lmao" I can't) but Kyo didn't ask about the fight (which was a Wise Lesson from Shishou™), another nice thing for him to do, though in my opinion it would be a pretty easy thing to explain.

Ok, so now onto the second chunk, which kinda has some of the stuff in the third chunk later on but whatever. Story flow, it's pristine today.

It starts with some of the,, maids? or something that are in the Sohma house (they never get names so far as I can tell, and I don't really know what to call them, but at one point someone referred to one of them as a maid, I think? Idk.) talking about Ren, and wondering why Akito still let Ren wander around freely like she does. Another said that Akito can only do so much, because apparently there is a crowd of people in the house that are "Ren-followers", and if she had Ren be completely contained within an area, there's a chance that those followers might start some shit, which would be a headache to deal with. One of the maids said that Akito has been sick (or holed up in her room) for too long, and the rest of the Juunishi are doing nothing to help, which does not help with Ren, who spouts out stuff about how the Juunishi doesn't really care about Akito at all. The maids seem to have a particular thing against Ren, because they view her as an unsuitable woman who somehow managed to become partners with Akira, the previous God, I think, but also the father of Akito.

Speaking of Akito, she has a box. That same box that Ren tried to use Izusu to get back. Something about that box has to do with Akira, and it seems important to both Akito and Ren, though honestly at this point Akito is probably just holding onto it out of spite for Ren, I wouldn't be surprised (I, too, am a petty bitch. I understand the mindset). She asked Kureno if he has any idea what is in it, and when he says he doesn't, she simply says, "Father."

Now we jump over to Ren and Shigure, who are also talking about about that elusive box. Apparently Shigure was tasked to get the box, but obviously he didn't succeed. He said (thought? He didn't say it aloud, it was one of those thoughts thing--- anyway) that he didn't really care, he didn't even want to touch that box, much less even look at it, it was no loss to him. Out loud, he says that it would be inappropriate for him to hold it, and Ren agrees, saying that only she can have it, just like how only she could have Akira, when he was alive. Are you already sensing where this is heading? Well, I'll say it anyway.

Flash back to Kureno, he's thinking about Akira, from when he was younger and Akira was still alive. He remembers Akira as very beautiful, in a fleeting way. Akira was sickly, all the time, and sad. Everyone knew that he wouldn't live for very long. But since he was the head of the house, of the family, it was imperative that he find a partner and produce an heir. That person was Ren, who was one of his care-takers. The rest of the staff (or something??) didn't like that she was going to be with Akira, it seemed unsuitable, but she was the only candidate. She was the only person who recognized how lonely he was, is what Akira said as a defense when people objected. And so, they were married. The older members of the family despised it, the younger thought it was the beginning of a new change, a new era. Ren said (because this section is flipping between Kureno and Ren) that it was only them two (haha grammar): Akira and Ren, they were all who mattered. She was everything to Akira. So when she had Akito, well, that muddled things. Because now there was another person that Akira loved: his own fuckin child. That's right. Ren got jealous of her own child because Akira loved his very own daughter. That's,, that's something. Shortly after that, Ren decided that Akito would be raised as a boy. Or maybe it was while she was still pregnant. At any rate, she said it was because it would be unsuitable for the head of the family to be a woman, but we all know the real reason: it's so that Akira wouldn't be loving another girl, even though that other girl was his daughter. Jfc Ren is a handful. From Kureno's memory, it seems like even as a kid, Shigure recognized that.

Back to Shigure and Ren, Shigure says that he feels sorry for Ren, probably thanks to all that upset she has. She says the same, that the Juunishi have had to deal with the abuse that Akito has dealt to them simply because of that "bond", and that there's no way that anyone could honestly love Akito. Shigure also comments that sometimes he thinks that if Akito had been raised as a woman, she'd look exactly like Ren, which instantly pisses Ren off. She just starts screaming about "Who do you have to thank for Akito being born! I'm the reason that (insert angry comment about how she's the only reason why x happened)". I'm kinda glad she isn't in the series much, this is exhausting. I know she's in the book later, and maybe a bit more in the next few, but jeez. It's a lot.

Anyway, let's end the chapter with Momiji having his curse be broken. The end is near (for the Juunishi, not this post lmao).

The second that the curse breaks, Akito knows it (that's probably the bond. I doubt it's some kinda "we'll be friends forever uwu" kinda thing, it's just kinda an awareness of each other, or maybe just God's awareness of everyone) and races towards Momiji, begging him to not leave. Now that the curse is broken, Momiji is confused as to how those thoughts he had prior for Akito were even there, now that he sees Akito clinging onto him, whimpering and panicked. Momiji waves her away, saying that he'll keep it a secret, and that Akito should go rest, wasn't she feeling sick earlier?

We pan over to the school, where Haru is asking Yuki if he's noticed anything off about Momiji. Haru can't place it, but something seems off, maybe not. Kyo ends up running into Momiji walking down a hallway, and asks him about it (he overheard the others talking about it), and Momiji just out and says it: his curse broke. He said he imagines that Tohru would be happier about it if it were Kyo's curse that broke, and that he (Momiji) lost. (I guess he lost in some unspoken one-sided competition of "getting" Tohru, because y'know she's not her own person who is capable of deciding these things for herself or anything)

Later, Momiji goes back to the main Sohma estate, to apologize to Akito for how he acted yesterday, but also to say that he won't be staying there any longer. Akito takes it like a champ, slapping Momiji across the face and insulting him, saying that he's a traitor, he has nowhere else to go, his family either doesn't remember him or hates him, he'll never be happy! and Momiji's just like, "Yeah lol I already feel lonely", that he can't be with the person he loves, and he no longer has that One Thing that previously connected him to most of the other people he's close with, and that there's no going back. He does say though, that it's not Akito's decision or place to say whether Momiji will ever be happy or not, because he might not be happy now, that does not mean that he won't ever be happy in the future. He then asks Akito how long she will stay at the house, thinking that eventually, everyone will come back to her, that no one will be happy without her. What if it's actually her that is most afraid-- Akito isn't down for an analysis, she just tells Momiji to leave.

Let's now go down memory lane, down a nice and happy time, especially for Akito and Ren: Akira's death and it's after effects. Happy times. (apparently i was wrong, the thing i said was the third chunk that wove in nicely with the second was just the second chunk, i think this is the actual third chunk)

Akito is thinking back (on a rainy morning, extra points for setting the mood) on her relationship with her parents. With Akira, it was nice, he always was kind and caring, telling Akito that she is what everyone has been waiting for, and that she thought she was the one Akira loved the most. With Ren, however, she was always cruel, from the start. She always glared at Akito, she was always mean. Akito hates her. We're brought back to the day Akira died, where Ren bursts into the room, asking why she wasn't notified sooner, why Akira had to die alone. One of the attendants said his condition worsened too quickly to call Ren close by, but also that Akira hadn't died alone; he died with Akito by his side. The attendant said that Akira's will had been passed onto Akito, she was now the head of the family. Ren was angered at that, there's no reason for Akito to still be around now! She only tolerated her child being around because Akira liked her, but now that Akira is gone, there is no one to love or care about Akito. Akito said that wasn't true, that all of the Juunishi will love her, because of their bond. (Which is basically what Akira said. He put most of that stuff into her head, and she doubled down on it whenever Ren said anything against it, which might as well be every single time they were around each other)

Back to the present, Kureno comes in the room to talk about something, but Akito interrupts him, saying that she was happy when Yuki was born, as the Rat. It was mostly just something she used to prove Ren wrong, and she used it as long as she could (much to the deterioration of Yuki's mental health). She thought back, over the years, to all the bad things that had happened, how she tried so hard to keep everyone close, and how all of them had, one by one, come to "betray" (cough cough, try to live their own lives, cough cough) her. After Shigure and Yuki left to their present residence, Ren said that they had given up on Akito. When Akito again mentioned their bond (which, really, now that I think about it, has basically been the singular thing straining to keep everything under control. Akito's sole sense of identity was being God, she's never had anything else.), Ren waved it away, then challenged that if any of the Juunishi can go out into the world, experience it in all it's freaky magical ways, and not be taken in by it, and instead return to Akito, then she will have been proved wrong, Akito's claims this whole time will have been correct. If they failed to, however, Ren said that Akito would have to give up the Sohma name. But Akito believed it, she truly believed she was right, that nothing big enough would come between her and the rest of the Juunishi (Tohru has entered the chat). She had to believe it, she just had to. But now, it's evident, between how Haru reacted upon learning about Izusu, Momiji's demeanor after the curse broke, the general way that the rest of the Juunishi float away from Akito, that it isn't true, and with that, she has nothing to hope for.

Upon this realization, Ren bursts into the room, knee-length hair floating around her, eyes crazed, knife in hand, demanding for Akira. Demanding for that box, and whatever contents were inside. In response, Akito fuggin yeeted it at Ren, she didn't give a shit. It flashed back to right before Akira died, and he soothed Akito by saying that, despite dying, he will always be with her. He wanted for Ren to be happy. He wasn't upset that he was dying so soon, he knew that he was just a man who was going to die, but he was happy that he was able to have a child, and to have had that child with Ren, and since that child was special, it was proof that their relationship was a special one. Back to the present, Ren scrambles to the box, tears it open hungrily to find,,, nothing. The box was empty. It'd always been empty, said to have held Akira's soul, but it was mostly just something to help Akito with Akira's passing. Suddenly, Akito grabbed the knife that fell from Ren's hand, poised to stab Ren but then--

Hiro's curse broke. Ren can thank that bond she always scoffed at for saving her life. But hey, now Hiro can hold his baby sister, which is nice. Yay for family moments.

Boo for Akito, because it's just really grinding in that the curse is quickly falling apart, and there's absolutely nothing that she can do about it. Ren taunts Akito, asking if she was trying to kill her. The attendants blow up, one yelling at Ren for making such a scene, taking a knife with her, and another scolds the first for giving Akito that box in the first place, it's stupid! The first attendant said that Akito knew from the start that it was empty, common sense would say that much! (idk man it could've held one last letter from Akira to Akito, a letter wouldn't affect the weight of the box significantly, it's not common sense)

Akito leaves the room, and Kureno follows. Akito says that it was both common sense but also not, that there wasn't anything in the box. She wanted to believe there was a chance that something was in that box, some kind of invisible energy that would help her. But even after opening it, seeing that it was empty, she still held onto it, knowing there wasn't anything. And that was her common sense, that's what she thought. She'd never been given any other way of thinking, of living, so why and how should anyone expect differently? Kureno says that she can start learning now, that that was what he wanted to talk about earlier, that she can't stay here, she'll never be able to move on, to which Akito cuts him off with "Fuggin now, bitch?? You're saying that now?? That doesn't help me! It would have helped in the beginning! But not fucking now!" (which btw is true. i doubt akito was even allowed to go to a public school, that she was schooled within the estate. i really believe that she's never really been outside of the the properties that the Sohma family owns) Then she stabs Kureno, with that knife she's been holding all this time. She reasons with it saying that Kureno's "halfway kindness" has been killing her this whole time, that it can't be fixed by Kureno saying that maybe Akito should go touch some grass. As Akito is running from the scene (more like haggardly stumbling), she continues thinking that it's Kureno's fault, it's not on her, until she remembers what Yuki was saying at the New Year's gathering about blame. It doesn't really fix anything, it just momentarily makes you think that you're not in the wrong. *record scratch* What if it's Akito's fault, then? All of this? What if it's her fault? What if it's the fault of the person who made everyone change? What if it's Tohru's fault?? (dun dun dunnnn)

Meanwhile, back at the other Sohma house (Shigure's house?) Tohru has some confessing to do. Before that though, Kyo has some confessing to do, though not about the same thing. He tells Tohru that he knew her mom before she died, and that he was the reason she died. He tells her that they met when he was really young, and how they had kinda become friends (in that way that people become friends by talking often, but Kyo never told Kyoko his name, because he had some weird thing about having a name so similar). That all fell apart the day that Tohru went missing. He promised that he would find her and rescue her, but after finding that Yuki had done it (the evidence was The Hat), he lashed out, and never talked to Kyoko again. Years later, when he was at the crosswalk, who was beside him but Kyoko, who he recognized instantly. He wasn't sure what to do, whether to say something to her or hold back. He was totally able to grab her arm, get her out of harm's way, but he didn't, he was too scared. (plus yaknow the whole cat thing) He beats himself up about, still to this day. He does the same with his own mom's death. It was his fault that his mom killed herself, she couldn't stand having such a monster as a child. It was too much for her, and she couldn't take any longer. (It wasn't. I won't say that his mom wasn't put under strain for having Kyo, for knowing that he wasn't human, that he turned into a weird monster if his bracelet was taken off, but from what we've seen of his dad, it was probably at least 85-90% his dad's fault. He was too caught up in the politics of the Sohma family, ashamed of the fact that Kyo was the Cat, the worst out of them, that he couldn't even salvage having one of the good freaks to have as a child of his, and he took it all out on his wife and later his son.)

And the book ends on that cheery note. (Why do I say stuff like that why I am I like this)

[coffee-n-bagels-comic-universe]

Superheroes with Secrets: A Very Sexy Christmas (Fic Part 173. Set in 2001)

Around 2000 Words. 18+ in places. Please inform me if you wish to be tagged/untagged from posts.

Tags: @tantamount-treason @piratewithvigor @thedollmaker16

Reference Posts: ‘Giantess’/‘Blacklight Bandit’ Kirby Roussimoff x Shane ’Hurricane’ Helms (Circa 2001)

He opens it excitedly. Inside the box is a pair of black leather and fur handcuffs with an adjustable strap.

"Good, aren't they?" Kirby questions teasingly.

"Oh darling, they're perfect."

"I'm already wearing the last piece of this set, mon mari… feel free to tie Shannon up."

"What's the last piece?"

"Ah, you're gonna have to undress me to find out, mon sauvage."

"Mm, the best Christmas gift."

"Exactly, the one I was gonna let you see last night but I fell asleep before I got the opportunity."

"How about I tie Shannon up in the guest room and you walk in when you're ready?"

"That sounds perfect, mon amour."

He kisses her quickly and indicates for Shannon to follow him.

"So, I'm guessing this is a sex thing isn't it?" Shannon asks as he follows Helms.

"It is. And we communicated this time… unless you don't want to participate."

"No, I'm down to fuck, as Marvin Gaye would say, let's get it on."

"God, I hope she wrapped a gag for me under the tree…" Helms chuckles, mostly to himself.

"Why do you want a gag, sexy boy?"

"To shut your goofy ass up while we fuck you."

On the nightstand of the guest room there's a small bow with a note saying 'in case of Shannon's dumb mouth' written in Kirby's handwriting.

"Aw, she's so thoughtful." Helms grins devilishly.

Inside the box is a penis shaped gag and some chocolate lube.

"That's going in my mouth? That's as big as my dick, I am not putting something like my own dick in my mouth." Shannon protests.

"Then are you gonna be a good boy?" He purrs.

"Are my choices shut up or get a dick in the mouth?… slather that thing in lube and stick it in my mouth." He sighs, knowing he won't be able to keep his mouth shut for long.

"Well… it'd be a shame if we shut you up before you put that tongue of yours to good use."

"Tie me up then, Daddy, and I'll show you what I can do." Shannon purrs.

"Hair up so I can get this collar on."

Shannon takes a hair tie from his wrist and pulls his hair back into a ponytail, "you sure Kirby's fine with this?"

"We're just tying you up right now. When she gets here, she gets to decide how far we go."

"Alright, just making sure I'm not gonna screw up anything between you two."

"You won't. She can't get angry if nothing sexual happens besides you taking you shirt off. Hell, I've seen you with it off more often than on."

Shannon nods, taking his shirt and jumper off and throwing them next to the door, "this what you wanted?"

"Perfect," Helms does the collar around his neck, "now lay down, hands by the headboard."

Shannon nods, blushing a light pink as he gets into position on the bed, his wrists against the headboard.

"Good boy."

Kirby knocks on the door softly, "you boys ready yet, mon mari?"

"All set sweetheart."

Kirby walks in wearing the final piece of the set she bought for Shane, a green harness covered in flowers, "what do you think, my love?"

"Oh my gosh…" he whispers.

"You like it?"

"I love it."

"I hoped you would, it cost more than everything else in the set because I had to get it fitted." Kirby murmurs, blushing a deep red.

"It's absolutely gorgeous."

"I know how much you liked the other pieces of lingerie I wear and I wanted to make today special for you, mon mari, I- why isn't Shannon gagged, mon mari, you know how much he talks, and how dumb some of his word choices are."

"Wanted to keep him open so you could take a ride on his tongue first."

"Oh I like the way you think, mon sauvage." Kirby whispers, pulling Helms into a gentle kiss.

"If he mouths off, then we gag him."

"I'm fine with that." Shannon chuckles

"Shush, or I'll get the paddle." Kirby states flatly, only looking at Shannon for a moment before turning her attention back to Helms.

"Ride his face. I'll get the paddle."

Kirby smirks, pulling Helms into a more heated kiss before pulling away to sit on Shannon's face.

"Best lick her good." Helms purrs

"He knows that, mon amour. Mon petit jouet isn't dumb enough to piss off a giantess or leave her dissatisfied." Kirby murmurs before moaning in pleasure as Shannon starts licking at her folds.

"That's a good boy."

Shannon moans against Kirby's groin, pulling away to get his breath back before plunging his tongue into her, making her hips buck against his face and her moans get louder.

"Can I take his pants off?"

"Yes, please, Shane… I need him to moan again, mon amour… oh, fuck, Shane… make him squirm, please daddy." Kirby murmurs through moans.

Helms begins nudging Shannon's pants down over his hips. Shannon moves his hips up slightly to help Shane slide his pants off, his dick already getting hard. Helms wraps his fingers around Shannon's cock, squeezing it gently. Shannon moans against Kirby's wet heat, making her moan and hold the headboard for support as Shannon tugs against the cuffs and bucks his hips against Shane's hand.

"Wonder how loud he'd moan if I fucked him…"

"Probably very loud, he seems to be needy, oh putain… very needy." Kirby moans.

"Permission to fuck our toy senseless?"

"Permission granted, mon mari."

Helms lubes up his cock and lines himself up, pushing inside Shannon all at once. Shannon moans against Kirby's groin, as loud as his vocal chords will let him, making Kirby squirm against his lips.

"Good boy, mon petit jouet, good boy." Kirby murmurs as she strokes a few loose strands of his hair out of his face.

He's in complete ecstasy as Helms starts fucking him hard and fast. Kirby doesn't last long, cumming and hearing Shannon swallow her juices before she gets up, letting him breathe and talk.

"Mon dieu, Shannon you are good at that."

"Thank you for the praise, Shane, does it make you jealous to hear your big breasted, angel of a wife, praise the way I eat her pretty little pussy and swallow her juices, are you jealous that I got to taste her juices and you didn't?"

"Would you like me to gag him, mon mari?"

"Gag him. Then one of us squeezes his cock hard enough that he can't cum."

Kirby smirks as she grabs the gag, lubing the silicon to make it taste better before putting it in Shannon's mouth and securing it in place, stepping back to be at Helms' side, waiting until he tells her to squeeze Shannon's dick.

"If he looks close, squeeze him. We're gonna give him a little denial for mouthing off."

"Oh, the 'bad playthings don't get to cum' treatment?" Kirby asks, gently kissing Helms.

"Exactly. Not until he begs."

Kirby keeps an eye on Shannon, squeezing the base of his dick before he can cum and making him moan against the gag, "you heard what we said, mon petit jouet, bad boys don't get to cum. Mouth off again and see what happens, we could decide to spank you with the paddle." Kirby whispers.

"We still might." Helms smirks.

"While we're denying him pleasure, what do you want to do with me, my love?"

"I want to make sweet, tender love to you and force our toy to watch and not touch."

"Oh, mon mari… I'm all yours, just tell me what you want me to do."

"Work his nipples."

Kirby smirks as she kisses Shannon's pecs, playing with his left nipple with her hand while gently biting the other and playing with it with her tongue. He's moaning loud, his back arching as high as it will go, hunting for relief. Kirby keeps a firm grip on his dick with her free hand, squeezing when he gets too needy and giving him the occasional stroke or two to keep him on edge.

"Think he's behaved enough to cum?" Helms purrs.

"You might want to pull the gag out of his mouth and see if he acts up again." Kirby whispers as she gets to her knees.

Helms leans forward and undoes the gag, pulling the dildo out of Shannon's throat.

"The moment you let me out of these cuffs, I'm holding down the baby mama and having my way with her, I swear to God I will cum in every hole you have." Shannon murmurs, locking eyes with Kirby.

"Hmm, Kirby, that sounded like acting up to me." Helms chuckles.

"Put the gag back." Kirby grumbles, feeling more annoyed than any sense of fear from hearing Shannon's words.

He nods and re-gags Shannon before leaning in close, "I want you to listen. You may be a bratty little toy, but this is still my wife, and you'll talk to and about her with respect, or you will be kicked out of the house. I've kicked out lovers who disrespected her before, and I'll do it again. Understand?" He murmurs, a dark seriousness in his eyes.

Shannon nods, saying a muffled 'sorry' through the gag.

"Good boy. Glad we're on the same page."

"I think he only deserves to watch and not touch or be touched right now, mon ange." Kirby whispers, ghosting her fingers over Shannon's dick and watching his reaction.

"I think you might be right." Helms pulls out slowly.

"Would you like me to bend over for you, or perhaps suck you off?"

"Mm, think I'd like to bend you over."

"You want me to hold onto the bed posts while you fill me up from behind, mon amour?"

"Sounds good to me."

Kirby gets up, going to the end of the bed and bending over, spreading her legs as she rests her forehead on the wooden beam connecting the bed posts, preparing herself for Helms. He positions behind her and slides inside her pussy incredibly slow. Kirby moans in delight, feeling the familiar warmth of his dick pushing into her and reaching her right hand back to hold his.

"Love you so much, my beautiful wife."

"I love you too, fy ngwr, you're so handsome."

"You feel so damn good."

"Says the man with his giant slayer dick inside the mother of his child." She whispers to herself.

"Exactly."

"Mon ouragan d'amour, is mon petit jouet struggling against the bed, the posts are shaking slightly."

"He seems to be. Poor little toy just needs to be touched."

"Poor little plaything threatened to hold me down and fuck the life out of me." Kirby murmurs.

"That's why I don't feel bad." Helms grins.

"Why did he go into this thinking that acting out would be rewarded?"

"Because he's always been a brat."

"A brat who wants to see daddy get jealous, but the only thing that would happen if you got jealous is that you would only allow yourself t fuck me."

"Exactly, Let's hope he learns that."

"Mmn, Shane… right there, there's good."

"Like the feeling of Daddy fucking you?"

"Yes daddy." Kirby murmurs.

"That's my good girl."

"Oh, mon mari… I will never be a bad girl, Unless you want me to be."

"Well, if you do decide to be a bad girl, I've got ropes and clothes work as gags too." He grins.

"You may want to check the bottom drawer, Delilah convinced me to get two gags, and the other one is green." She whispers.

"Think you need one, cutie pie?"

"Well, it's either gag me or I'll start making jokes about superheroes."

"Like what?"

"Batman walks into a superhero-only pool, he is quickly stopped by a guard, the guard points to a sign that says 'no swimming without supervision'."

"Okay, that is bad. Getting the gag."

In the bottom drawer of the wardrobe is a box containing a similar gag to one in Shannon's mouth, only green and shaped more like Helms' cock, a little short of the full six inches, but definitely Helms' cock in detail.

[gralunaisland]

Ah okay, I see now. Labels don't really matter of course!

I've heard that a lot actually, that some people don't like Mashima's gr///via or juvia, but that they like a sort of headcanon version of either the ship or her or both. It'd probably pain me to try to think of juvia in a good light, so I'll leave that to y'all and continue to criticize canon juvia and gr///via haha, but honestly more power to ya!

I like your thought process behind the potential for gr///via. I can't say for certain that I'd ship Gray with juvia even if she were someone who just loved him completely and selflessly, for a number of reasons (like how I ship GraLu and how I still don't like the dynamic when one side is already madly in love from the beginning etc.), but honestly that would've been a much better way of writing gr///via.

I agree with you completely that juvia is in reality very decidedly not selfless in any way, shape, or form. her "love" for Gray, which can hardly be described as such by anyone but herself due to how selfish it is, is destructive to Gray's well-being rather than uplifting and healing. she's literally worsening Gray's character (meant in both senses of the word, his fictional character as well as his moral sense of self) and, unbeknownst to poor Gray, worsening his trauma dramatically.

As for your point on "how Gray doesn't seem very romantically interested in her and that's a problem", I'm curious why you think so? Are you saying it's a problem for the ship? Or for his character development? Or something else? Because personally, I see nothing wrong with him using his right to choose not to date someone, or his right to not be pressured into liking someone (which is unfortunately infringed on constantly in the show).

I suppose you're right, that juvia is the most destroyed character out of the 2 right now, because from the beginning, outside of 2 episodes, she wasn't allowed by Mashima to be her own character, but in my own opinion, I believe what Mashima is doing to Gray is worse because Gray has been established over a long, long time to be a certain character with his own self-agency and motivation and character traits that are his alone, which has made him into a fan favorite. And yet now, in favor of a toxic, abusive ship, all that is going down the drain. We didn't really get a chance to appreciate who juvia was as the Rain Woman before she was smashed into the"Gray simp #1" role. But for Gray, a long-time beloved character is gradually (and faster and faster) being dismantled into someone no one recognizes nor likes.

In the end, it doesn't really matter; it shouldn't be a pity-party contest between the two characters because they're both suffering from this ship. (Based off how they act in canon, I couldn't care less that juvia is suffering because of the suffering she's caused Gray, but in terms of writing her character, Mashima done screwed up.)

I can see why you'd have that opinion on the ship having the potential to be a good couple, but yeah we have differing opinions on that, which is all well and good. I'm glad we've had the chance to discuss our sides; real discussion is so refreshing even if we disagree!

Oh, which post are you referring to at the end? I'd love to give my thoughts haha

Thank you again for this discourse!

I have a question for my fellow Antis

Good evening (or whatever time it may be for you), my fellow Antis!

Does anyone remember the number of the episode in the Grand Magic Games arc where the little she-devil juvia says outright that she wants one of the Fairy Tail members to get hurt so she can replace them and fight alongside poor Gray in the games?

A good tumblr friend of mine @jerzalover came to me and requested that I make a post asking this because unfortunately, I don't remember myself.

It's a very important episode because it reveals some of her basest nature, (even though she started to cheer for them harder to overcompensate and make herself feel better because she felt guilty, because how dare she wish for harm on her fellow guild members in the first place!!) so I hope one of y'all are able to help us out and find which episode it is.

Thank you so much for your time!

[ultimatetornshipper]

Okay I got cut off in the comments so ya know what? Imma summarise what i said and be honest with me self in the fact that this is gonna be a long post and not just a quick comment (which I can't seem to delete and now imma just look weird doing this but fuck it it's not like I'll actually ever meet anyone reading this so judge me all u want I won't know but I'm on a procrastination fueled creativity spike)

Harvey goes to bats (I'm assuming that's what heads was implied to mean, if I'm wrong I'm sorry but let's pretend I'm right)

Brucie is of course suspicious like?? This is twoface?? Like?? Huh??

So he writes it off at first, something bigger grabbing his attention

But later he starts noticing that something is... off with his rouges gallery

Many of them seem sullen suddenly

Harley's smile is forced, and only there when she knows he is. He doesn't ask about it, might just be another screw up with Joker

While being arrested the Riddler stared at Robin intensely, and got a sad look on his face, "You're Sunshine's age,"

In the middle of one of their chases, Catwoman uncharacteristically freezes, he stops as well, trying to figure out what made her stop. He walked closer, and followed her eyes to Arkham. Her fists clenched in anger. Her voice cracks as she says, "They tell me stories of that place," her gaze meets his own, and he knows he didn't imagine the tears gathering in her eyes, "Stories that would scare even the likes of you,". There's a few seconds where they just stand like that, suddenly she was off, but the moment wasn't forgotten.

A few of his other rouges go quiet. And when he does see them, many wear a haunted look in their eye.

Still he doesn't ask.

That is until he finds Ivy crying over a patch or Marigolds in the botanical gardens. She wasn't sobbing, or even shaking, her breathing wasn't ragged, from afar nothing looked askew, but as soon as he got closer he saw the tears streaming down her cheeks. And it was worse than any dramatic display. Because this was Ivy, she's killed and poisoned and destroyed for the sake of her cause. Even she seemed surprised.

So he asks.

"What's going on Ivy?"

She doesn't jusp at his voice, she simply turns around and sighs, "I'm guessing you're not just referring to my being here?"

He shook his head.

She sits down on one of the benches, and looks straight ahead, "She reminds me of Harley, when she first came to Arkham, back before Joker,"

Batman sat down next to her, opting to let her speak instead of asking his questions just yet.

"So full of hope, and so so sure that she could help, and she saw the good. She was the sunshine," Ivy laughed, then softer she said, "my little marigold,"

"But he got her. He got her and decided to make her be the Harley to his Joker, his loyal little sidekick, his marionette... i don't know how he did it. She checked into Arkham and after that... he did something to her bats, or had someone else do something. Oh boy he definitely let someone else do something. I mean they never go for me, my kiss alone would kill them, but the others..." she put a hand in front of her mouth as she chocked back what he thought was a sob, and when she spoke he could barely hear, "Harley,"

Batman didn't need her to elaborate. But he was shocked, he knew things in Arkham were relatively corrupt but he didn't expect... hadn't thought...

Ivy composed herself, "It's the music, he gets her with the music. She's still there but when the tune plays she just," Ivy shuddered, "unhinges,"

He lets a few moments pass before he asks, "Who is the 'he' you keep referring to?"

"Hugo Strange," she doesn't hesitate, "And I have other people who are more than willing to back me up,"

She stands, not looking back at him, "If you don't do something soon, we will. And we won't hold back,"

She left.

And Bruce sat there and berated himself for not putting it all together sooner.

Blah blah blah dramatic plan and saving happens blah blah they kick Hugo's ass, let's kill him off (Agent A did it, no one knows how, Bruce just knows it was him, Alfred doesn't confirm nor deny anything) blah blah

Okay aftermath and trauma, the stuff i like

So Marinette is brainwashed? Programed? Whatever point being out girl is Traumatized to the max

The Sirens take her in, she's a grown woman sure, but they decide to "adopt" her anyway

Harvey totally visits

They keep her far away from anyone, find a nice place a few miles from Gotham, far from city limits, a nice, plant protected farm is where she stays

No TV, no people, no radio or cellphone, nothing that can trigger her or the song

Only Batman and the Sirens are allowed to be there without supervision, Riddler and Harvey can come but only with Bats or one of the Sirens present

They're all looking for ways to help reverse the song thingie he did

Harley uses her psychology training to help Mari through her trauma

Blah blah Eventually they figure out how to reverse the song thing blah blah

Mari is still traumatised as fuck and isn't really in the mental space for using her degree anymore i meaan yeah not gonna happen

She wants to start working again but doesn't know what, she wants to earn her keep

The others (B and the Sirens) insist that she can still wait and they'll help and that she is in no mental state for this and seeing as she doesn't have a clue what she wants to do anyway she gives

But she wants to do something

So she starts drawing again, not designing, just drawing

It turns to painting

She paints her surroundings, portraits or Selina and Harley and Ivy and still lifes and eventually of the cat they get her (who we're naming Plagg because i can)

And she's pretty damn good

And they start selling

Because she has a way of capturing the beauty of life that is next to impossible and it doesn't stop amazing them

She lost her sunshine, she couldn't get it back, it had been drained from her. But when the sun sets the moon rises, the glow she had now was less positive and optimistic and naive and more ...comforting. in a different way. And moonlight is far beyond gorgeous in it's own right

Now she shines differently

It's what happens when you're broken to pieces of who you were, she wasn't fixed but she wasn't ever completely going to be, not after all that

But she was better

She felt better

She was healing

And her hands were creating magic on canvas while she was doing it

They might have stolen her sunshine, but she'd find a different way to light up the world, her past did not define her

She never truns to cowels and capes, other rouges leave her be and people don't bother her in her sweet little cottage

But Damian becomes a fan of hers, you see

Because Damian loves art

And, as he stares at the portrait of Selina smiling with the mischievous glint in her eyes captured perfectly, he decides right then and there he will commision her for a portrait of himself if it's the last thing he does

And it almost is the last thing he does

Because her 6 overprotective "parents" (Brucen, Harley, Selina, Ivy, Riddler and Harvey) did not under any circumstances want hin near her

But he gets to her (not before fighting off a few plants and booby traps but that's not the point) and she is if nothing else impressed by his determination to get a portrait

He doesn't know why of course she's there in a cottage heavily gaurded by plants - or at least he isn't supposed to know

Anyway

Cute end to trauma inducing dark story because i can and this fluff is what I need tonight

Paging Nurse Mari

Listen to this…

Now imagine Arkham inmate/nurse Marinette singing this as she butchers a cadaver in the morgue.

Just slightly unhinged Marinette au where she started as an nursing intern in Arkham Asylum and is driven mad by the horrors there.

But basically she is Dr. Hugo Strange’s assistant…

I also may be watching too many horror video games and songs lol)