#but right now there are more important things happening
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ssahotchnerr · 3 days ago
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how about hotch fluff with reader who's love language is acts of services?
a bit longer
oh to spoil and love on aaron 🥰 cw; fem!reader, established relationship, fluff <3
You'd do anything to make Aaron's life easier.
He worked tremendously hard, took on a lot - things, scenarios beyond your own comprehension, and still came home as the loving, extraordinary man he was, both as a partner and a father.
You wanted to help in any way you could. Even if that meant setting an alarm for far too early.
He's told you before, and it wasn't surprising either, he would wake up early while on a case, to iron his suit jacket as needed. And while it made perfect sense, you weren't afraid to admit it tugged at your heartstrings in a melancholy, endearing way.
Last night, Aaron had gotten home much later than he would have liked, missed seeing Jack altogether, as he was already asleep. He ate a quick dinner, and climbed into bed with you.
As a result, he hadn't been in the best mood going to sleep, especially considering he had to wake up early to iron the one suit he had at home - he defeatedly expressed as he got comfortable. The rest were at the cleaners, which was closed by the time he left the office. He even uttered the consideration of using the spare jacket he left at the office.
Aaron didn't get enough sleep to begin with. And unbeknownst to him, after he quickly drifted off, you sneakily shut off his alarm and turned yours on.
Six in the morning came fast. The second the tone rang, you shut it off, hoping it hadn't managed to awake Aaron. You laid there silently for a moment or two, just to ensure he hadn't stirred. He was either the world's heaviest sleeper, or the lightest, depending on the day.
When you were confident he hadn't, you slipped out of bed. Slowly. Lifting the arm slung over your waist and setting it gently aside, peeling back the blanket, or Aaron didn't subconsciously feel your weight leaving the comfort of bed. You exited the bedroom just as leisurely - heading towards the laundry room and hoping you didn't stub your toe in the dark hallway in the process.
His suit was already hung and waiting, right where he left it the night before. After blinking several times to adjust to the light, you clicked the iron on, yawning as you waited for it to warm up.
You turned his suit jacket inside out, preventing any potential damage to the material. In addition, you triple checked the heat setting, making sure it was the proper one. You started with the back: laying it flat on the board and gliding it along the surface in a steady motion.
The floor creaked behind you. Glancing behind your shoulder, you saw Aaron leaning against the doorframe, rubbing his eye.
"What're you doing up?" He asked, raspy.
You ignored his question, offering a gentle, lazy smile in return. "Go back to sleep."
His eyebrows furrowed over his eyes as he observed you. He was thoroughly - and adorably - more confused due to his sleep induced haze. "What are you doing?"
"Nothing you need to worry about. So go back to sleep." You insisted softly, resuming your task. But contrary to your words, a pair of arms wrapped around your waist. It was all too easy to lean back into Aaron's embrace.
"Ironing my suit?" His voice was closer now, at level with your ear. The proximity enhanced his sexy, deep morning voice. "What time is it?"
"That's not important." You teased with a shrug, flipping his jacket to tackle the front next. Your following few words left you nonchalantly, as if it were no big deal. And it wasn't. "I changed yours, and set mine."
He blinked, still waking up and still trying to comprehend what was happening. "Why?"
"So you could get more sleep."
His hold on you loosened slightly, pleasantly surprised. "You didn't need to do that."
"I know." You simply put it, pressing down on the jacket's lapels. "I wanted to."
"I could've-"
"Honey, you don't get nearly enough sleep as it is. If me doing this," you shook the iron lightly for emphasis, "means you get an extra thirty minutes, I want you to get those thirty extra minutes. And besides, I wanna help. You come home stressed and your job is demanding and I want to make things easier on you. You do a lot for others, for me, and I want to repay the favor."
You hadn't meant to go off on a tangent, but it was true. You only wished you could give him the whole world (But if someone asked Aaron, you already had).
"Watch where you wave that thing." Aaron quipped, his tone a humorous deadpan. A smile tugged at the ends of his lips, his arms retightening around you, squeezing you lovingly. "You're sweet."
You blushed at the simple compliment, "And you work too hard."
"Then it's a good thing I have you to slow me down." He kissed your temple, and you could just feel the love radiating off him, he didn't need to verbally say it. "Thank you sweetheart. Seriously."
"You're welcome, now will you please go back to bed? Or do I need to threaten you with the iron again?"
Aaron laughed, a hand squeezing your hip affectionately. "Only if you join me. I could care less if my suit has one more, minor wrinkle if it means I get to lay with you a bit longer."
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acid-ixx · 1 day ago
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chapter five dialogue spoilers
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— masterlist !
"you don't fucking understand jason!
— i don't need your help, or anyone else's. you have never been there for me! never been there for all the times i suffered because of your death! so don't even try to make a difference now!"
"— no way, did you dare scold me just now, jason. out of all the times i nearly got killed, you decided to save me by the time i accepted my death?! this isn't the first fucking time this happened to me and it wouldn't be the last."
"hell, the only first that happened this time was that one of you actually came to save me, so don't you fucking belittle me and call me impulsive and selfish when i can and have handled all this alone."
"jason... i don't want to be his favorite, i never want to be, fuck—!"
"i never wanted to be an athlete like dick, or as academically talented like you, or some crazed detective like tim, or as skilled as an assassin like damian! i don't even have the determination steph has or barbara's perseverance to continue fighting alongside all of you! i can't even reach cassandra's level of fighting, and i certainly don't have powers like duke!"
"— all of you guys are so fucking talented, and here i am, so pathetic for thinking i can reach the same level as you all when i can't!"
"i just can't, jason! so how could i have the damn audacity to desire being bruce's priority when each and every one of you are beyond my level?!"
"i never wanted to be bruce's favorite, jason! i just..."
"... i just wanted to be his child."
"i just want to be selfish for once... i want to see him the same way he looks at you back then, every damn time he stares at your grave, while i watch by the fucking windows, wishing it was me he looked at."
"i wanted him to look at me, and think of me as important as you, or even just a semblance of it..."
"god, i don't even want him to see me as a priority, i don't want him to see me and think i'm the best damn thing in the world, but i want him to stare and think, 'this is my child,' without any second thoughts, without any regards for my dirty fucking past."
"... we're not even siblings anymore, we're just strangers to each other—"
"that's not true, angel. don't even... don't even think of saying that..."
"why are you trying so hard to push us away?! push me away right after you.. you opened up?!"
"because we're not family anymore, goddamnit! care for me, care for me like you care for all those strangers getting mugged in the street! not as my brother—!"
"i am your brother, (name)!
and i care for you, more than you can ever fucking imagine, so don't... don't fucking push me away! not especially right after i almost lost you!"
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a/n: hi guys, sorry for the random inactivity. i've been at an all time low with depression and that directly affected my motivation to write. lately, imposter syndrome alongside self-esteem issues did hinder me from commiting to writing events, and most especially this series. it's a very loved one, i know, for all the comments, thank you a lot for supporting me. but sometimes there're times i'm close to nearly deactivating this account. for everyone hoping for the next part; i don't know when, or how i'll be able to, but soon.
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woso-dreamzzz · 1 day ago
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Torn VI
Kewis x Child!Reader
Summary: You go to hospital
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Kristie is at training.
Summer holidays usually means preseason for Sam. It usually means a few weeks where the three of you get to do fun things together before going back into preseason.
But with her knee, it means more time lazing around the house with you.
You're having a lot of fun playing dinosaurs with her, not yet changed out of your fuzzy Spinosaurus onesie as one of the Land Before Time episodes plays on the tv.
You drop your toy though and Sam gently moves it away.
Your seizures have gotten easier to deal with now that you've gone on your medicine. They've gone down to maybe two or three every few days and, while you're none the wiser about why your seizures are a bad thing, it makes Kristie and Sam feel safer.
But this one is different.
Usually, your seizures are only a few seconds long but, as Sam checks her phone, she knows it's been a few minutes now.
That's never happened before and, as your mouth opens and closes in repetitive chewing movements, she jerks into action.
There's blood in your mouth.
Blood that definitely shouldn't be there.
She fumbles with her phone for a moment, almost dropping it completely.
"Hello? Yes, er, I need an ambulance! My-My kid's having a seizure and she's bleeding and-and I don't know what to do!"
Questions rattle off the operator's lips faster than Sam can keep up.
"Yes. She's five, nearly six. Er, she's got CAE but this is different. I-I don't know! She's kind of jerking a little bit? And I think she's bitten her cheek because she's bleeding. She's on medication but...Yes, I'm Mum."
Sam rattles off more information, anything she can think of and the operator is nice enough to stay on the phone until the ambulance gets there.
It's only when Sam's at the hospital that she realises Kristie's at training.
Kristie's at training and is none the wiser about what's just happened.
Riding in the ambulance was the scariest thing Sam has ever done with you, far eclipsing the other scariest thing she had ever done with you which was hiding all of Kristie's eyebrow pencils.
You'd had an accident in the ambulance which all the paramedics said was normal. You bit at your cheek again which all the paramedics said was expected.
You'd jerked your little limbs and suddenly looked smaller than your almost six years as you lay in the stretcher in your fuzzy dinosaur onesie.
"Chook, baby," Sam had said in the ambulance," It's going to be okay. Alright? You're going to be alright."
It takes Sam a while to pluck up the courage to call Kristie, to let her know that something's happened to you and now you're in hospital.
Kriste's there within the hour, just as you wake up.
You'd briefly been awake when your seizure was over but so exhausted and so confused, Sam had coaxed you to sleep again.
“Mommy,” You say as your eyelids flutter open, reaching out for her.
Kristie grabs your hand quickly, squeezing ever so slightly like she’s making sure that you’re with her. “Hey, chook,” She coos as Sam appears at your other side,” How are you feeling?”
You frown. “Mom talked to me,” You say instead.
“Huh?”
“When I went all funny. I heard Mom talkin’ to me.”
“You could hear that, huh, chook?” Sam asks, taking your other hand and you nod.
“You said I was going to be okay. What happened?” You frown, looking down at yourself. “Where’s my dino pjs?”
“They’re going in the wash, chook,” Sam says,” They…They got a bit dirty in the ambulance.”
“Ambulance?”
“Yes, the ambulance. Do you remember, chook? You…You had a pretty bad…episode, didn’t you?”
“My arms went all floppy and weird.”
“That’s right. That must have been scary, huh?”
You shake you head. “No, ‘cause I had Mom saying everything will be okay. Mom doesn’t lie about important things like that.”
Kristie smiles. It’s a weak smile though and Sam knows that a crying session is inevitable once this is all sorted out. Kristie can hold herself together for you. She has to be strong for you, her little girl that only kind of understands what has happened to her.
“The doctors are going to come in and have a look at you, alright?” Kristie runs a finger over your nose and you giggle a little bit, going cross eyed to track its slope downwards.
“Okay and then we go back home?”
“Maybe,” Sam says,” We’ll see what they say. They might want to keep you a bit later.”
It’s not unlike your other doctor appointments, when they put you in the big machine and did tests. The inside of your cheek is a little tender when you run your tongue along it and your arms are kind of bruised and weird looking. You think your head is a little achy too but you’ve got pillows behind it so you don’t really notice.
“And you think this is a one off?” Kristie says from outside your hospital room, glancing back inside as you and Sam watch another Land Before Time episode on her phone.
“It’s not uncommon for children with CAE to experience other types of seizures. They go away with age-“
“That’s what they said about the CAE but look at her! She’s in hospital. The meds…They’re meant to be helping-“
“Miss Mewis,” The doctor says,” I understand completely but these things do happen. She’s happy and healthy and we’ve got information leaflets to help parents get through this kind of thing. We recommend a follow up with her neurologist and GP just to be on the safe side but this is all normal. Plenty of people live with seizures every day.”
Kristie releases a noisy breath. “Right. Yes. How soon until we go home?”
“Tomorrow should be good. We can set up a bed for one of your to stay here with her overnight but this is all just precaution. As long as everything is a-okay tomorrow morning, we can get you all in your way.”
“Thank you,” Kristie says,” I’ll just go in and tell her.”
You look up as Kristie comes in, head tilting to the side and hair falling over your eyes. “Mommy?”
“I’m going to stay here with you tonight,” Kristie says, sitting on the bed with you,” And then tomorrow, we’re going to go home. Sound good?”
You think for a moment. “And then my dino pjs will get washed?”
“I’ll wash them tonight,” Sam promises you,” And I’ll make sure they’re all toasty warm for you when you get home tomorrow.”
“Okay,” You say,” We can stay here for the night.”
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punkpandapatrixk · 3 days ago
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🌉Your Exciting Urban Love Story ♦︎ Timeless Pick A Card
Life’s full of twists and turns, and we don’t often know beforehand the kinds of encounters that could change our lives forever. Before events actually take place, do you know if you’re being specifically guided towards a special someone? Have you ever thought of that? Some kind of an unexpected, but destined, rendezvous? Have you ever felt the pull? 🤪⭐️🤯
‘That day, that time, at that place; if I hadn’t met you, we would’ve remained eternally strangers.’ – Suddenly, A Love Story by Oda Kazumasa
series: Friends (2002)
deck-bottom: Queen of Swords, Red Alchemist (John Dee) & Priestess of Contemplation
[PAC Masterlist] [Part 1] [Part 2]
[Patreon] [Paid Readings] [buymeaboba]
☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.
Pile 1 – Heartfelt Old-School Romance
‘Love, I know that someday real soon, you’ll be right next to me. Holding me so tight, so I will always be yours. Although we can’t be together now, remember I am here for you, and I know you’re there for me.’ – One (OST Friends 2002) by Lee Soo Young
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unexpected rendezvous? – XIX The Sun
OMG this Pile has the strongest old school vibe. It feels very romantic in the sense of what you’d expect from it as depicted in movies, books and other forms of literature XD It’s open, honest, straightforward, without any pretences. This means your Destined Person is likely to show interest from the get go and make it clear to you that they’ve got intentions~ It could also be the other way around, although it’s more likely that you both share this mutual attraction from the start <3
It's very likely you meet your Destined Person during the daytime, but it could also mean outdoors or basically, where there’s a bright light for some reason LOL It’s a cheery situation and this rendezvous could happen as an ‘accident’. Like you’ll think there’s no way you could be meeting someone this important in the manner you find yourselves in! It’s just crazy! Probably even embarrassing for one or both of you XD
But, you’ll be glad the ‘accident’ happened at all. Without this tiny hiccup in the grand stream of Fate, you’d probably never crisscross each other’s paths. And what a delight it is to have met someone so similar to yourself! Someone who also lights up the darkest corners of your heart. Someone so positive and helpful and kind, and possibly also wise ;P Making you feel…what an aspiration of a person <3
ah, courtship! – 6 of Cups Rx
Your Destined Person is totally not an ex or anybody you’ve known in the past. Could also be someone from a foreign land (or you could be the foreigner in town). And yet, in spite of these immediate differences, you really do find yourselves to be very similar! Like two peas in a pod kind of similar! Which is so fascinating especially if you’re visibly different by nationality, race, custom and some such.
And yet, here you are sharing similar philosophies, taste in music, aesthetic, etc. Maybe even some past struggles with personal development, too. There are so many similarities shared between you that makes being with each other feel like a homecoming. You are awash by a sense of renewal of the spirit or of the psyche hahah This ‘foreigner’ is really just me in a different body~! And this whole thing motivates the both of you to become better people in general, but also for each other <3
There’s a genuine sense of appreciation for each other’s Souls, talents, skills and life’s many downfalls and triumphs. You both really connect on a mental level but especially on emotional and spiritual levels. And it’s such a beautiful thing because, all this time, with the people who seem more similar to yourself, you’ve never felt a connection this deep yet effortless. But this stranger… You view the world with eyes that seem to be made of the same cosmic material~
adoration ON – 4 of Cups Rx
Smile, baby~! Because your Destined Person’s smile literally brings sunshine and calm into your Life. If you get to meet them often, every day is a cosy day of fun and meaningful conversations. You see, up until the point juuust before you meet your Destined Person, Life could’ve gotten quite boring, stagnant, or you could’ve been quite disillusioned with your routine or the stream of events you were used to operating with. But when this person popped into your Life, it’s like being reborn in their inspiration.
Surely it’s Love? This much adoration. And how much you feel stronger and more excited about what could be next for you if you keep going? Surely, it’s something such as Love that could move you in this way? Yes, your Destined Person adores you in a mature and sensible way. They think very highly of you, so when you feel seen by someone just as capable, as motivated, someone so strong and positive, you can’t help but view yourself that way, too. Awesome by association, you know? :D
Their inspiration makes you go for a levelling up! That in itself—them adoring and cheering on you like that—becomes the fuel that makes Life full of wonders again! In essence, theirs is a Love that nurtures your Soul just by them having their heart connected to yours~ <3
MANIFESTING A HIGHER ROMANCE🔻💗
what signs are they receiving about you? – Silver Astronomer (Galileo Galilei)
how are they feeling as you’re manifesting them?? – Priestess of Innocence
Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸
☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.
Pile 2 – Business Partners Turned Power Couple?!
‘I kind of liked it your way, how you shyly placed your eyes on me. Did you ever know that I had mine on you? So let me come to you, close as I wanna be. Close enough for me to feel your heart beating fast.’ – Final Fantasy VIII (Eyes on Me) by Faye Wong
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unexpected rendezvous? – Ace of Pentacles
Ah! This the power couple Pile! XD Chances are very high that you could meet your Destined Person at the workplace. This could also be a business partner of yours if you already have a business of your own. This could also mean meeting your Destined Person during a business event, trip or meeting. Basically, your unexpected rendezvous with your Destined Person has something to do with ‘work’. For some, this could also mean meeting your Destined Person at a ‘charity event’ if that’s something that’s deeply important to you <3
You could also meet your Destined Person when doing some ‘charity work’ such as helping the less fortunate or feeding the homeless or even when building a house for somebody else! So, this is a really cute Pile in which on the day you meet, you kinda intuitively know that something special is likely to occur…but you’re not quite sure what it could be. It’s just…such a good, cheery day and your heart is very wide and open. It’s very possible this occurs outside when the sun is out, too~
Even if you’re the type that’s been thinking and manifesting your Destined Person, this sudden meeting will still be very unexpected, possibly because you’ll have forgotten all about this reading LOL On the day you meet, there’ll be other people present and you won’t be at your own house or anywhere near it. Basically, there’s this ‘work’ vibe so you’ll definitely be working on something at some other place that’s not your house or theirs, though it could be somebody else’s house nevertheless😉
ah, courtship! – Queen of Wands Rx
You probably have gotten this from other readings as well but your Destined Person isn’t your usual ‘type’ if you have any. Like you normally wouldn’t fall for a person like this, whether it’s their face, race(?), height, age, or overall style and vibe. Even if you never declared a type, your friends could tell that you had a tendency to fall for a certain look, age group or behaviour LMAO But your Destined Person is kinda totally on the outside of those preferences… AT FIRST GLANCE!
Your Destined Person is without a doubt extremely attractive, but what really draws you to them is how pure and honest they are. It’s giving, ‘With that kind of a face you could be the smoothest criminal and still get away with most things, so how are you so, so… good?’ They may have a look that gets people misunderstanding them because they’re just that attractive, but your Destined Person is really lovely on the inside. Their heart is kind and tender, and this is the type of person who genuinely wants True Love <3 They got no game.
Upon closer investigation you’ll learn that your Destined Person has a character that’s everything you’ve ever dreamt and prayed for. You’ll see how this person opens up to you very quickly because they themselves can’t deny their attraction to you. They’ll be all over you very fast but they got no game on you. That’s not what they wanna do with you. This is a person, who, when they hold you, they hold all of you in their embrace to heal you and make you safe and very happy. Quite gallant, indeed! <3
adoration ON – 3 of Cups
It’s obvious to all of your friends/colleagues that there’s something unusual going on between you and your Destined Person XD The attraction you feel towards one another is undeniable! It can’t be hidden, especially from your Destined Person’s side. Their friends will notice just how different they are when looking at you, talking to you, just being with you. There’s a kind of cheerfulness that seems to shine only when you’re around; and it’s obvious to anyone who knows you both that there’s Love here.
Due to ‘work-related circumstances’ you may not become a couple right away—in spite of the attraction—but everybody at the workplace is whispering, and possibly even gossiping, speculating if there’s something more going on between you two LMAO For the most part, most people are SUPER SUPPORTIVE of you two. There’s just… something quite pure and innocent in the way you treat each other. You two adore each other in the softest, sweetest manner. And that’s such a breath of fresh air—aspirational, even.
As a means to get to know each other, your Destined Person is likely to hang out at ‘innocent’ places with you. You could have lunch breaks together quite a lot hahah They could accompany you to a café; grab a baguette at a boulangerie with you; run errands ordained by your bosses; and other activities that seem work-related and unromantic that could potentially turn accidentally romantic by some higher power XD Well, maybe that Higher Power is really just your intent😉
MANIFESTING A HIGHER ROMANCE🔻💙
what signs are they receiving about you? – Red Physician (Galen of Pergamon)
how are they feeling as you’re manifesting them?? – Priestess of Luck
Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸
☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.
Pile 3 – Unexpected Love After a Total Heartbreak
‘The miracle of our rendezvous changed the colour of my tears. You make me feel brand new and I wanna Love that’s brand new. I don’t worry about the dark night where I can’t see the Cosmos because I can see you. You are my Shinin’ Star and I wanna be your Shinin’ Star.’ – La La La Love Song by Kubota Toshinobu
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unexpected rendezvous? – Queen of Cups Rx
Some time in the future, you’ll have your heart broken by someone who’s irresponsible—prolly downright callous and even narcissistic. The whole experience is very likely to break you apart, leaving you traumatised and may even find it difficult to trust again. In some ways, you could be questioning your worth, wondering why nobody loved you the way you wanted.
‘I asked for snuggles, but all I got are struggles…!’ kind of frustration LMAO In many ways, you could’ve given up on the idea of love and romance. You’d given so much of yourself but got nothing in return—if anything, you got garbage and mistreatment in return! So, it’s likely you’d decide to take this time for self-reflection and building a connection with yourself. But that instead is the magical part!
On the way towards healing and loving yourself, very IMMEDIATELY the Universe sends you a match who’ll answer all of your prayers! By ‘immediately’, I really mean immediately! Like, straight away you will meet your Destined Person to replace all of the heartache you’ve sustained up until that point in your Life! Dang! The manifestation works way too fast it may take you by surprise! <3
ah, courtship! – VI The Lovers
Well, yes, for some of you reading this, the manifestation of your Destined Person could be in the flesh immediately. For some of you tho, this could mean ‘meeting’ your Destined Person in the spirit first! It could be that you begin to wake up to the notion of Soulmates (even Twin Flames, hopefully the real notions of it, if you are a Twin Flame indeed). If you’re meeting your Destined Person in the spirit first…
Their aenergy could come to haunt you regularly in the forms of…let’s see:
angel numbers (this could get persistent!); repeatedly seeing names, numbers and symbols that make you wonder if these signs are related to their identity in the physical realm; coming across memes, quotes and tarot readings online that seem to redirect your attention to this notion of a higher romance—a spiritual kind of Love; aaand receiving messages while seeing glimpses of them in your dreams~
For those that’ll manifest immediately in the physical, you’ll notice—immediately—that your Destined Person is the complete opposite of whoever caused your heartbreak in the first place. That in itself will be very healing for you because, immediately, you’ll believe in Love again—maybe even in the goodness of the Lord, as the religious ones would say LMAO
Basically, your Destined Person is like a mirror-Soul to yours and by this point in your spiritual evolution, you’ll have been able to tell what’s trauma bonding and what’s a real empathetic bond based on kindness and mutual compassion ^o<
adoration ON – Knight of Pentacles
Oh! Seriously, let me just say first that you need to watch or at least find clips of Long Vacation drama on YouTube. Your Destined Person’s aenergy feels quite similar to the main guy, Sena. Very kind and caring, responsible but shy while being quite a tough and stubborn male character LMAO Your Destined Person feels very much like this part of Sena’s personality. He has a lot of compassion for the people around him but especially you, after knowing what kind of bullshit you’ve had to brave through all alone T.Tv
In many ways, they respect you a lot for your strength and courage! They feel like they could learn a lot from you. As much as they admire you in this way, they also want to be the person who babies you—they want to be allowed to take care of you. They will seriously, and carefully, endeavour to make you feel safe, nurtured, cared for…they just…really, really want to keep you safe, feeling secure in the connection. They want you to trust them wholeheartedly and will show through cute little actions how dependable they are. They will plan cute dates with you, all for you to simply have a good time <3
This person is the type that fantasises about having a Life with you, and they’re serious enough, responsible enough to truly plan everything out. Something in you—something very cute in you—motivates them to become a bigger, stronger, more dependable version of themselves! Even if you identified as a demure character and your Destined Person were the more cheerful one, they’d still think of you as the Sunshine in their Life~☀️
MANIFESTING A HIGHER ROMANCE🔻🧡
what signs are they receiving about you? – Green Geographer (Gerardus Mercator)
how are they feeling as you’re manifesting them?? – Priestess of Fertility
Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸
☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.
[PAC Masterlist] [Part 1] [Part 2]
[Patreon] [Paid Readings] [buymeaboba]
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sillyandquiteawkward · 10 minutes ago
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notes and headcanons on this comic :3
makes me ill thinking about anya checking up on swansea the multiple times she catches him as he stops breathing in the middle of the night, especially when i imagine you can hear his snores echo similarity to curlys moaning and wheezing.
also yeah swanseas the only one mentioned to snore so sleep apnea be upon ye. ding. he has a cpap in his quarters, but thats blocked off so hes pretty sleep deprived. he sleeps sitting up near utility. doesnt help much.
on the note of curly, he's quiet right now, but anya and swansea will be up talking long enough for his meds to wear off and wake jimmy up.
anyas comment of you have to remember who you sleep next to is obviously a comment on both swanseas kids not being quiet around their sleeping parents, but also about how she sleeps next to jimmy, why shes constantly on edge standing right next to him, stuck in the same four rooms as him. another reason why shes quick to wake up and wander.
swansea wants to tell anya about the pod in secret from the others, but he doesn't know what anya wants to talk about, just that they both want to talk. he saw anyas sticking around with things on her mind as an invitation for them to have a deeper conversation, and anya was ready to reciprocate.
anya doesnt know what swansea wants to talk about, and it fills her head with does he know what jimmy did to me? thoughts, especially after the daddy comment sent a chill down her spine (however swansea said that in reference to him and his idea of jimmy being selfish enough to sabotage others for the pod). anya will be the first to confess whats on her mind, taking up most of their conversation, and swansea will tail end the conversation with his pod concerns by the time jimmy comes in.
i think anya telling swansea of her pregnancy and what jimmy did to her leads to swanseas image of jimmy not changing very much due to swanseas already poor view of jimmy, but he does show sympathy towards her. swansea also doesnt act on this information as hes unsure how bad this will disrupt his situation. if he lets jimmy know what anya told him, he might lash out, and if swansea attacks first, then he has to deal with having that on his conscious while he drinks himself to death. swanseas ready to die on the ship, but he doesnt want to actually think about how shit the situation is. things have been fine in the aftermath so far. lets not mess with it. kind of vibes.
i think anya sees swansea as a father/mentor figure as well as a friend (as much as an older coworker can be), as hes about the age of her parents, so confiding in him gives her some relief, however the anxiety of telling a man what happened and nothing happening again (or worse, the possibility of being the cause of "curly" crashing the ship. that also has to weigh heavily on anyas mind. she often wonders why he did it and if it was her fault.) and that thought strikes fear and doubt into her. i can imagine what she tells swansea to be slightly...sanitized. shes so afraid of being the problem that she tries to make it seem like not a big deal. so swansea also believes that it isnt as big of a big deal.
anya had a few sleepovers as a little girl, but she laments missing out on them bc she wanted to have more of them, following the blueprints of movies and shows. i think anya really wanted those stay up late truth or dare, gushing about your crush, kissing your friends, sneaking out, type sleepovers, however the kinds she had were less storybook and more mundane. maybe she wasnt able to fulfill some of those desires and that leads her to classify herself as missing out on them. and now this is her last chance to indulge in the fantasy.
swansea has had sleepovers as a boy, but he won't say that bc he thinks its childish. but also, because anya seems to be sad that she missed out on having them or that she cant have more (he cant tell), he doesn't find it important to bring it up. hold my hand anya let's have a slumber party at the end of the world.
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fuck yeah i wanna slumby party
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rmadridcore · 2 days ago
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SFW Alphabet
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Pairing: Jude Bellingham x Reader
Requested & Requested
Word Count: 3K
Author’s note: Two requests for SFW Alphabet, so here it is 💘 hope you like it @judescorem & anon! Thanks for requesting 🫂
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A = Affection (how affectionate are they? how do they show affection?)
Jude’s affection levels are truly off the charts, he’s like a walking embodiment of all five love languages. Quality time with you is his priority, and despite his demanding schedule, he’s intentional about squeezing in meaningful moments whenever he can.
He’s big on acts of service, too, and he’s memorized your favorite way to drink coffee to make it for you in the mornings, gives you a massage if you’re stressed, and even attempts cooking for you (though after a few near-kitchen disasters, he might just take you out instead). If you’re too tired to lift a finger, Jude will wash your hair or tuck you in. And gift giving? He’s your go to — he’ll come home with jewelry, art, plush toys, or quirky trinkets that made him think of you.
Compliments are another daily thing; whether you’re folding laundry or about to fall asleep, he’s telling you how much he loves you and how beautiful you are. He notices every tiny change, too, like a new shade of lipstick or a fresh haircut. Physical touch is his ultimate love language, though. If you’re out, he’ll keep a hand on your thigh or fingers intertwined, but in private, Jude transforms into a human koala, pulling you close in every possible way.
B = Best friend (what would they be like as a best friend? how would the friendship start?)
As a best friend, Jude is your ride or die, incredibly supportive and genuinely invested in every step of your journey. He’s like your personal cheerleader, hyped about even the smallest wins in your life, and you can count on him to be right there to celebrate or console you. He’s an incredible listener, letting you pour your heart out and providing advice when you need it. Jude knows the importance of having someone you can trust completely, so he’s that steady rock for you, creating a judgment-free zone where you’re safe to share anything. He’s also the friend who will notice if something is even slightly off and check in with a caring heart.
C = Cuddles (do they like to cuddle? how would they cuddle?)
I said it once, I’ll say it again: this man is a koala bear who just can’t let go. If there’s one thing Jude excels at, it’s cuddling. Surprisingly, he loves to cuddle even more than he lets on, and it’s become one of his favorite ways to unwind. Usually, he’s the big spoon, wrapping his arms around you protectively, feeling like he’s keeping you safe. But his secret favorite? Being the little spoon. There’s something he finds calming about resting his head on your chest, with your hands in his hair, listening to the steady beat of your heart. It’s his ultimate version of comfort, and he’ll fall asleep within minutes if he’s lying there like that.
D = Domestic (do they want to settle down? how are they at cooking and cleaning?)
Though young and still in the prime of his career, Jude is surprisingly domestic and absolutely sees a future with you. For him, settling down together isn’t just a fantasy; it’s his end goal. Even now, he loves the cozy routines you share — grocery shopping side by side, his enthusiastic (but often chaotic) attempts at cooking, and sharing chores, even if he’s hilariously clueless about both. Conversations about the future happen effortlessly, without a hint of doubt or hesitation, and he makes you feel included in every part of his life. He’s just as comfortable blending into your family gatherings as you are with his, and it’s that natural, grounded dynamic that makes him picture a life and family with you in it someday.
E = Ending (if they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)
The idea of breaking up is simply unfathomable to Jude. Even in the worst case scenario, Jude would do everything possible to mend things, believing wholeheartedly that whatever caused the break could be fixed. His willingness to put in the work is one of his most admirable traits — he’s devoted to you, even in difficult times, and he’d never let go without a fight.
F = Fiancé(e) (how do they feel about commitment? how quick would they want to get married?)
Jude may not be rushing down the aisle tomorrow, but he often catches himself imagining what your wedding day might look like. The idea of you in a wedding dress, the look on your face as you walk toward him, and the forever waiting on the other side makes his heart race. He loves being young and enjoying these years together, building memories and strengthening your relationship, but he’s made it clear he sees marriage as part of your future. Jude knows the proposal will happen when the timing feels just right, but he’s not shy about dropping hints and showing you in sweet, subtle ways that he’s already fully committed.
G = Gentle (how gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)
His gentle side is one of his most beautiful qualities, even if he keeps it subtle at times. Though vulnerability didn’t come naturally to him at first, his quiet softness shines through in the way he loves you. His compassion is deeply genuine, and his tenderness radiates through both his words and his actions. Physically, he’s incredibly attentive — he’ll caress your face with a featherlight touch, rub gentle circles on the back of your hand, trace his fingers through your hair, and cover you with delicate kisses. He’s patient and kind, making every touch feel intentional and filled with warmth.
H = Hugs (do they like hugs? how often do they do it? what are their hugs like?)
Hugging you is one of his absolute favorite things. Your scent, the warmth of your arms around him, and the way you tuck your face into his neck make him feel perfectly at ease. His hugs are comforting, strong, and incredibly full of love, he hugs you like he hasn’t seen you in months, even if it’s only been a few hours. He especially loves sneaking hugs from behind; he’ll wrap his arms around you while you’re cooking, brushing your teeth, or even doing your makeup, earning himself a playful scolding but never regretting it. To him, those hugs are worth any amount of teasing because they make him feel so close to you.
I = I love you (how fast do they say the L-word?)
He took some time to fully grasp his feelings for you, but he felt from the very beginning that there was something incredibly special about you. The moment he realized the warmth he felt around you was love, he felt more certain of it than anything else. When he said “I love you” for the first time, it was spontaneous, catching both of you off guard. He whispered those three words one morning, sleep still softening his voice, his gaze filled with sincerity and love as he smiled at you. At first, you thought he was joking, but the look in his eyes erased any doubts, and when he repeated the words softly and earnestly, you knew he meant it with his whole heart.
J = Jealousy (how jealous do they get? what do they do when they’re jealous?)
Jude has a love-hate relationship with jealousy. When you get jealous, he finds it endearing, using playful teasing and silly jokes to diffuse the moment, always making sure you feel loved and reassured. But when the tables turn and he’s the one feeling jealous, it’s a different story. Although he’s confident and tries to stay rational, but the sight of anyone openly flirting with you hits him harder than he’d like. It eats at him, casting a shadow over his entire mood, and he can’t quite laugh it off. You know exactly how to calm him down, though — reassurances, soft words, and kisses all over his face melt away his worry, leaving him certain, once again, that you’re entirely his.
K = Kisses (what are their kisses like? where do they like to kiss you? where do they like to be kissed?)
Kisses are Jude’s favorite form of affection. He’s obsessed with them — quick pecks, lingering, deep kisses, and everything in between. His favorite spot to kiss is, of course, your lips, where he loves to indulge in make out sessions that leave you both breathless. He loves to take the lead in these moments, his kisses hungry and passionate, his hands gently holding you close. But he’s also a sucker for forehead kisses, finding them incredibly intimate, and he’ll linger there, pressing his lips to your forehead while he whispers sweet words just for you. And if you kiss his neck? His eyes close, his breath catches, and he’s instantly lost, eager for more.
L = Little ones (how are they around children?)
Around kids, he is a total natural. His playfulness and warmth instantly draw children to him, and he seems to know just the right way to make them laugh or keep them entertained. He’s got a knack for making them feel at ease, and kids light up around him, matching his energy and joy. Though he’s not thinking about kids just yet, he knows that when the time comes, he wants it to be with you — and he’s confident that he’ll be great at it, just as long as you’re by his side.
M = Morning (how are mornings spent with them?)
Early in the relationship, you discovered that Jude is anything but a morning person. He loves his sleep, and if he could, he’d stay under the covers all morning, cozy and content beside you. But as disciplined as he is, his career often forces him to wake up early, leaving him to grumble and pout his way out of bed. When he has an early training session, he’s practically dragging his feet, rubbing his eyes, and giving you a look that practically begs you to let him stay snuggled up.
On his mornings off, though, he becomes the laziest person alive. He’ll stay in bed as long as you let him, relishing the rare chance to wrap himself around you and relax without any hurry. When noon rolls around, you usually have to coax him out of bed, jokingly reminding him there’s a world outside the covers. He finally gives in, but he’d always rather stay in bed a little longer with you.
N = Night (how are nights spent with them?)
Nights, on the other hand, are his favorite. He cherishes those quiet, peaceful hours just before you both drift off. He loves the feel of you relaxing beside him, breathing deeply, your head on his chest as you start to fall asleep. Sometimes, before sleep takes over, you’ll end up having those late night, deep conversations that wander from lighthearted to profound. Jude’s often the one to ask those unexpected, thoughtful questions that get you talking about dreams, ambitions, and the mysteries of life. He loves these talks because they remind him of how safe and easy it feels to open up to you, and he feels so grateful to have found someone who just gets him.
O = Open (when would they start revealing things about themselves? do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)
He took his time at first, careful to make sure you were the one he could share everything with. But it didn’t take long before he started to realize he could trust you completely. There was an ease between you that allowed him to open up gradually, sharing everything from his childhood memories to his career hopes to his biggest fears. Once he understood the depth of your connection, he didn’t hold anything back, feeling safe enough to share all of himself with you. He loves how you let him be vulnerable without judgment, and the sense of trust you’ve built only makes your bond stronger.
P = Patience (how easily angered are they?)
Generally, he is pretty patient and grounded, but there are times when frustration gets the better of him. If he’s facing a tough day or can’t get something right, he tends to feel the stress more than he’d like. He’s not one to lash out, though — he usually withdraws a bit to cool off and reset. His impatience doesn’t last long, and he’s quick to come back to his calm self, finding his center again, especially when he’s around you. You’re often the one bringing him back to his usual level-headed self.
Q = Quizzes (how much would they remember about you? do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)
If remembering things about you were a game, Jude would be the gold medalist. He remembers the most trivial details effortlessly — your favorite snack, your go to comfort food, your shoe size, your favorite songs, the way you like your coffee. He doesn’t even try; he just loves listening to you and stores up everything you say. He’ll surprise you by remembering little things you’ve mentioned in passing, things you may not even recall saying. For him, it’s second nature, and he jokes that his brain is permanently programmed to think of you.
R = Remember (what is their favorite moment in your relationship?)
Jude’s favorite memory is a quiet, seemingly insignificant moment but one that holds a lot of meaning for him. It was the first time you fell asleep on him, a night you spent watching a movie together. You were curled up beside him, claiming you weren’t tired even though your eyes were heavy and you were half-asleep by the opening credits. Eventually, you drifted off, your head nestled on his shoulder, and he couldn’t help but smile. He felt an unexpected happiness, a sense of peace, knowing you felt so at ease around him. Listening to your soft breathing and feeling your warmth, he realized that this was what he wanted for the rest of his life — moments of quiet closeness, where you were totally comfortable with each other.
S = Security (how protective are they? how would they protect you? how would they like to be protected?)
He is subtly protective, always making sure you’re comfortable and safe. He’s never overbearing, but he’s the type to always keep an eye on you in crowded places, his hand on your back or fingers intertwined with yours. If someone’s getting too close or making you uncomfortable, he’s immediately alert, his demeanor shifting as he makes it clear you’re not alone.
T = Try (how much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)
He is effortlessly romantic, always putting thought and care into your relationship. He loves planning surprise date nights, booking a place he knows you’d like, or making sure he has your favorite snacks ready for a cozy night in. Whether it’s an anniversary or just an average day, he goes out of his way to show you how much he cares. Small gestures texting you sweet messages, or picking up flowers for you on his way home because he saw a bunch that reminded him of you. He especially enjoys the look on your face when he shows up with them unexpectedly, and he’s secretly got a favorite flower of yours memorized. He’s thoughtful with gifts too, remembering small things you mention in passing and giving them to you “just because.” He’s a firm believer that both big and little things are equally important in showing you how much you mean to him.
U = Ugly (what would be some bad habits of theirs?)
Jude has a tendency to bottle up his emotions when he’s overwhelmed. Rather than talking it out, he sometimes withdraws, getting quiet and distant. It can be frustrating because he keeps a lot of his struggles to himself, but he’s working on opening up more. He’s aware of this habit, and he appreciates how you gently encourage him to share his feelings when he’s ready.
V = Vanity (how concerned are they with their looks?)
This man takes pride in his appearance, knowing he’s a bit of a heartthrob (and rightfully so). He’s not obsessed with his looks but enjoys looking his best, especially when he’s with you. He loves when you show him off, and he takes a certain pride in knowing that he’s someone you’re proud to be seen with. He’s confident in his style and enjoys dressing up for special occasions or just looking nice for you. When you compliment his looks, it always brings out that cheeky smile, but he’s equally invested in making sure you feel beautiful and confident too.
W = Whole (would they feel incomplete without you?)
He is independent and driven, but being with you makes him feel complete in a way that nothing else does. He feels grounded by your presence, and knowing you’re by his side gives him the confidence and peace he needs. You’re his partner, his best friend, and his safe place all rolled into one, and without you, he feels a profound emptiness. He knows he can function on his own, but life feels so much better, brighter, and more meaningful with you in it.
X = Xtra (a random headcanon for them.)
Jude has been secretly trying to learn how to cook a few dishes for you. Cooking isn’t his strong suit, but he loves the idea of one day surprising you with a home cooked meal, just the two of you. He doesn’t think you expect him to master the kitchen, but he feels there’s something incredibly intimate about cooking for someone you love. So he keeps at it, watching tutorials, asking for tips from his mom, and even taking notes when you cook together, hoping to make you a meal that you’ll love (and one he doesn’t burn).
Y = Yuck (what are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)
Dishonesty is something Jude just can’t tolerate. He values openness and feels a deep sense of trust in your relationship. He wants you to feel comfortable sharing anything with him, and he’s never judgmental. Knowing you’re genuine and honest with him means the world to him, so dishonesty would hurt him deeply.
Z = Zzz (what is a sleep habits of theirs?)
Jude is a cuddle magnet in his sleep. Even if you fall asleep apart, he instinctively reaches out, finding you with sleepy arms and pulling you close. When he’s stressed, he has a habit of mumbling in his sleep, something you find adorable. He usually denies it in the morning, laughing it off and insisting you must have imagined it.
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cumtastiics · 2 days ago
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EMPTY PROMISES / prequel. ft. g/n reader + batfam #TW :: death (of reader's mother!), neglect :p
LET'S READ SOME MORE! prequel (here) ch. 1 2 3
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your mother was the most important person in your world. she was everything you knew—your protector, your comfort, the one who made you feel safe and loved. she was the heart of your home, the one you could always count on.
and she still is, in a way. the memories of her remain, haunting and bittersweet, lingering in your thoughts like a shadow that follows you everywhere.
but she isn’t in this world anymore. she’s gone, taken too soon.
you still remember the day, you were just a child then, still small and innocent, walking home from elementary school.
when you opened the door, the stench hit you immediately—a putrid, acrid smell that seemed to seep into your very bones. it was overpowering, filling your nostrils and choking your breath. for a moment, you stood there, frozen, unsure of what to do. the smell was so strong, so overwhelming, that it made your stomach churn and your chest tighten. something was terribly wrong, but your young mind couldn’t process it.
“mama?” you called out, your voice soft and uncertain. it wasn’t like her to not greet you when you came home. she was always there, waiting, ready to give you a hug, to ask about your day. 
but that day, something felt different. something felt terribly wrong.
“mama? i’m back home,” you called again, a little louder this time, though still hesitant. but no answer came, and that silence, that unbearable quiet, was more terrifying than any sound. 
you stood at the door, unsure whether you should step inside or run away. the house was eerily still. it wasn’t like your mother to not respond, to not be there. but then, as you stepped further into the house, you saw it—her.
your mother was there, but not the way you expected. 
there, on the floor, she lay in a pool of blood, lifeless, her eyes vacant and empty. the sight was more horrific than anything you could have ever imagined. you couldn’t understand it, not fully. she was the one who held you when you cried, who kissed your forehead at night and tucked you in. how could she be... gone? 
the blood that surrounded her was thick and dark, a stark contrast to the softness of the home she had always made for you. the horror of what you saw was too much for a child your age to process. you had never even heard of such things happening.
it was the kind of image that no child should ever have to witness—the kind of pain that no one should ever have to endure. and yet, it was the memory that would define you, the moment that would haunt you for the rest of your life.
the world you lived in, the one that had revolved around your mother would never be the same.
it wasn’t long after that till bruce took you in. 
he was different from your mother, he was straight-forward, and hardly spoke to you. maybe it was the first week only where he had bothered to make any effort to speak with you, but after that he stopped.
from his point of view, he never forgot about you, he was just… busy. busy is the word.
from your point of view, it was obvious neglect. you had tried to stay positive, but it was hard. alfred would tell you that bruce was busy, and surely he’ll make time for you.
he wasn’t right.
you learned at an early age that promises in the manor that were made, were almost always broken ones.
you learned that promises, no matter how sweet and caring they may sound, were just words. 
meaningless, stupid words. 
you would sit in your room, wondering if bruce would talk to you today. alfred, with his kind eyes and patient nature, would bring you meals and check in on you occasionally. he was the closest thing to a father figure you had now, but even he couldn’t fill the space your mother had left behind.
the manor almost always quiet, or at least the empty part your bedroom was a part of, was. that was, till jason died.
the manor was almost a mourning place, full of regret. 
it was then, when bruce and the rest of them, who barely knew a thing about you, forgot you.
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a/n: zooweemama i let my friend read draft and she kept making mama a girl behind you jokes
taglist //// @foggyv-oid @kitty-from-daaaa-voidddd @ghostdoodlen @luxuryz3 @soriansick @degenerates-posts @kore-of-the-underworld @toast-on-dandelioms
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greenwitchfromthewoods · 1 day ago
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stay. l Joel Miller
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Summary: he became empty again
Warnings:  a lot of sadness, practically nothing happens, he is just left alone (tw: panic attack)
A/N: your feedback is very important to me and I thank you for all the reblogs, comments and likes. 🖤 sorry for all the mistakes
short stories from life. [masterlist]
For a few weeks, his house was strangely quiet and empty. No conversations, no laughter, no everyday noises. Joel found himself listening constantly, as if at any moment the porch or stairs could creak under your footsteps.
Ellie had also become quieter, more distant. He could still picture the look on her face, a mixture of confusion and anger, when she found out you wouldn't be living with them anymore.
"Do something, dude!" she hissed, looking at Joel and clenching her fists. "You can't just let her go... Fuck!"
Something she knew and trusted suddenly fell apart. And even though she saw you in Jackson, even though you talked almost every day, Joel could see how much she missed you. And he was to blame for that.
He saw you too. Your eyes met and sometimes he had the impression that you would smile at him, that he would soon have you right next to him. Nothing of the sort happened. And he was to blame for that. 
He didn't expect this again, but could it ever be any different... 
The house was empty and quiet, again. Like every day. His body still warm from his morning shower, he combed his wet hair. He wanted to make himself a coffee, put the kettle on and felt it again.
His heart started racing, pumping blood so fast he could hear it pounding in his ears. His hands gripped the door frame, so hard his knuckles turned white. It helped him not to fall to the wooden floor.
Joel squeezed his eyes shut. Helplessness, no control over what was happening to him. It was terrifying. Uneven and shallow breathing. He felt like water was flooding him, seeping into his lungs, ears and nose.
That's when he felt it. Something touched his face. Warm and gentle hands.
"I'm here, it's okay."
He opened his eyes and saw your worried face. Were you really there?
"Breathe with me. Slowly..." your soothing voice reached him through the fog "In and out..."
"You're here..." he panted, gasping for breath.
"I am. But you have to stay here with me too."
Joel nodded. He took one hand off the doorframe, and you immediately understood and grabbed it. The grip gave him an anchor, he had to feel you.
You could see that he was trying to breathe with you. You didn't pay attention to the whistling kettle, only Joel mattered.
He took a few deep breaths. "S-sorry..."
"Shhh, don't say anything now. Try to focus. Breath..."
Your touch, your scent, your presence. He had no idea how you got there, but you had to be real if he felt all of it. When he opened his eyelids again, you were still there. Your face, eyes looking at him with tenderness and sadness.
You didn't have to, but you stayed. For him.
You didn't let go of his hand even when his breathing was calmer and regular, you stayed until the very end. Despite everything, you were there for him.
When it was over Joel felt like he hadn't slept in a week, his body felt heavy and numb. The whistling of the kettle stopped and he realized it was you who turned it off.
"I came to bring something for Ellie." You said quietly, looking at Joel. "I guess I did the right thing not to knock."
"Thank you." His voice was quiet and hoarse.
"Come on, I'll put you to bed."
You helped him up the stairs and led him to his bedroom. When he sat down on the bed you took off his shoes and helped him lie down, then took a blanket from the armchair to cover him.
A familiar hand grabbed your wrist.
"Will you stay with me?"
You could have left. You could have told him to fuck off and slammed the door. You could have done many things, but you did what you felt. What Joel needed.
You laid down next to him, and he awkwardly put his head on your chest. The strong arms wrapped around you and he clung to you like a castaway to a raft that was his only salvation.
He didn't say anything more. His eyelids closed on their own and he fell into a deep sleep, hearing your heartbeat.
It was a strange feeling to wake up in his arms. Joel clung tightly to your back, his strong arms wrapped around your body. It felt good, safe, but at the same time it tore your heart apart.
He didn't want to give you what you needed, what you wanted. You tried to remember when you felt something more for this man, but you couldn't find the exact moment. Everything happened naturally. Your relationships and gestures, you were learning about each other.
You remembered exactly how tense Joel's body was when you hugged him for the first time. He was no longer used to such gestures, he had almost forgotten what it was like to hold someone in his arms. But it awakened all the needs in him that he had so carefully buried under the surface of his roughness, indifference and rudeness.
You didn't want to change him, but you knew that he had to be different once. And then, one night when you were sleeping in some abandoned building, and in a moment of breakdown you started to sob, so quietly so as not to wake either of them, you felt Joel hug you. And that's how it stayed with the two of you.
When you woke up, the room was plunged into semi-darkness. For a while you stared at some point in front of you, but when you moved you heard his voice.
"Stay, please."
God! You wanted it so much that it twisted your insides.
"I can't, Joel. You know that."
He reluctantly let go of you when you slipped out and sat up. Maybe you shouldn't have stayed? Maybe you should have left sooner?
"I miss you. Ellie misses you too." Joel spoke quietly, you barely heard him.
"I'll talk to her."
He noticed that you didn't mention anything about him. Okay, he deserved it. You put on your shoes and got out of bed. The watchful eyes didn't leave you for even a second.
"You can come back here. I won't get in your way. We won't go on patrol together." He sat down on the bed and stared at you with a pleading look.
You smiled sadly and shook your head. "I can't, Joel. I can't pretend that I don't feel all this... I care about you and Ellie, and I always will, but I can't pretend that you mean nothing to me. This is the best for us, believe me. Maybe it will be easier for you too..."
You were wrong.
With each passing day, Joel felt as if he was going numb. And when you left and he heard the door slam, he hated himself again for letting this happen.
He was left alone, with the remnants of your scent on the pillow and the fading warmth of your body in the sheets.
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adrianastrix · 9 hours ago
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Re-reblogging this because Sherlock canon spans multiple decades. When they first meet, Watson is young (if I remember correctly without having to walk three steps to check, he gets drafted to the Afghan War straight out of residency) and spry, except for a debilitating gunshot wound.
Then, some years later (I would eyeball it as 10-to-15 years; again, too lazy to get up and check), Watson meets an old friend and reveals that they were both rugby athletes in top physical condition in university days (so yeah, jock Watson confirmed), but now both have been couch potatoing for long enough to be at least pudgy.
This means that Watson can be sexy like Jude Law and sexy like a hamster in canon. Any Watson bod can be canon, depending on when the story happen. AND if you want Watson to be heavily built since his young days, it's fine too, because rugby is one of those sports that benefit from "meat wall" kinda athletes.
The only thing that it's hard to muddle is their age. They are supposed to be more or less the same age when they meet, but Sherlock might be sliiiightly younger. If you want to, you can stretch their age gap a little without breaking believability until they are a good ten years apart:
I get the feeling that Sherlock never truly graduated university, but he did attend to it to get some training he needed for his detective job. Depending on how much he wanted to study before dropping off, he could've attended just a couple of semesters and be as young as 18-19 when meeting Watson (but I would argue that he is more likely 22-ish in the first book).
On the other hand, we know that Watson is young when meeting Sherlock, he says as much. But there's nothing saying he entered uni as a 17-18yo. He could've done a 'grand tour' right out of high school (a sort of gap year that young men would use to travel Europe and maybe beyond), entering uni at 19-20. Add on top of it 5-7 years of uni and residency (at best, assuming he didn't fail anything important), plus around six months of war, and it's not too farfetched for Watson to be as old as 28 when meeting Holmes (with 23 as the lowest possible age for him, without him being a teen prodigy or something, but I personally feel 25yo energy in first book!Watson).
A 10 years gap isn't "young Holmes, elderly Watson" but depending on how each of them age and style themselves (bushy beards and premature grey hairs make you look a lot older; being beardless, thin and not wrinkling much makes you look deceptively young), they could visually become this in 20 or so years after their meeting, to Watson endless annoyance.
Doyle Canon: This is Dr. John Watson. He has managed to have multiple love affairs on three different continents. He is a love machine. A sex god, if you will. Able to woo multiple Victorian ladies.
80% of Sherlock Holmes Adaptations: This is Dr. John Watson. He looks like a hamster.
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httpsdana · 3 days ago
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please, can you write a fic angst to comfort with gavi with 24 prompt list?? 💓
Crumbled Sweetness~Pablo Gavi
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・❥・prompt list
・❥・masterlist -> part 2
・❥・who I write for
・❥・a/n: first request from my new prompt list!! keep sending in your requests and don't forget to specify the prompt and it's genre <3
24-“Stop laughing! It's impossible to stay mad when you smile like that.”
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“You’re unbelievable, Pablo!” y/n yelled, pacing the living room while Pablo leaned against the kitchen counter, trying very hard to look remorseful—but failing miserably.
“It’s just a cake,” he mumbled, scratching the back of his neck.
“It’s not just a cake!” she spun around, glaring at him. “It was the cake! The perfect cake I spent hours choosing! The centerpiece for the whole party!”
“And now it’s, uh…” Pablo trailed off, gesturing to the mess on the floor. “A modern art piece?”
y/n gaped at him, completely dumbfounded. “You’re joking right now? After you demolished the one thing I trusted you to handle?”
“I didn’t demolish it!” he said defensively. “It slipped out of the box.”
“Oh, it just slipped?” she ecohed, throwing her hands in the air. “Because cakes are known for their ability to leap out of boxes!”
He tried to hold back a smile, but it was useless. She saw the twitch at the corner of his lips, and her glare intensified.
“Stop it,” she warned.
“Stop what?” he asked innocently, though his eyes were sparkling with amusement.
“Stop smiling!” she exclaimed, pointing at him. “You’re making me even angrier!”
“I’m not smiling!”
“Yes, you are!”
“No, I’m not!”
“Yes, you—” she cut herself off with a frustrated groan when she heard his laugh. “Ugh! Stop laughing! It’s impossible to stay mad when you smile like that.”
His grin widened. “So you’re not mad anymore?”
“Don’t push it,” she muttered, trying to keep her stern expression intact.
But Pablo wasn’t about to let her off the hook. He stepped closer, his hands finding her waist as he pulled her in. “I’m sorry, mi vida,” he said softly, his voice laced with sincerity. “Let me make it up to you.”
“How?” she asked, raising an eyebrow. “Unless you have a secret talent for baking a new cake in under an hour, I’m not sure you can.”
“I could try,” he said, his tone so serious she almost believed him.
“You in the kitchen unsupervised? That’s a disaster waiting to happen,” she shot back, biting back a laugh.
“Harsh,” he said, feigning a wounded expression. “But fair.”
He pulled her closer until their foreheads were touching. “What if I do something else to make it up to you?”
“Like what?” she challenged, crossing her arms even as he held her.
“Like…” He paused for dramatic effect. “A lifetime supply of kisses?”
y/n couldn’t help but laugh at that, shaking her head. “You’re insane.”
“And you love it,” he teased, leaning in to press a soft kiss to her cheek. “Come on, admit it. You can’t stay mad at me.”
“I’m still a little mad,” she said stubbornly, though her tone had softened.
“Then I’ll just have to try harder.” He kissed her other cheek. Then her nose. Then her forehead. Then her lips, lingering just long enough to make her heart skip a beat.
“Pablo,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper.
“Yes, mi vida?”
“You’re still cleaning up that cake,” she said, though a smile was finally tugging at her lips.
“Deal,” he said quickly, kissing her again. “But only if you help.”
“Why should I help?” she asked, arching an eyebrow.
“Because,” he said, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her into a tight hug. “You love me too much to let me suffer alone.”
“You’re lucky I love you,” she muttered, her face buried in his chest.
“I know,” he replied smugly, resting his chin on top of her head.
After a few more moments of holding her, he pulled back just enough to look into her eyes. “You know you’re the most important person in the world to me, right?”
Her heart melted at the sincerity in his voice. “I know,” she said softly.
“And you’ll still let me come to the party?”
“Only if you promise not to touch anything,” she said, poking his chest.
“Deal,” he said with a grin. “I’ll just stand in the corner and look pretty.”
“That’s about all you’re good for right now,” she teased, leaning up to kiss him again.
Pablo laughed, the sound so warm and contagious that she couldn’t help but laugh too. After that Pablo had promised to get her another cake from the shop for her party, this time asking for delivery service instead of him getting it. She couldn't trust him not to ruin it again with his clumsiness
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lillaydee · 3 days ago
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A New Life
Jackson! Joel Miller / OFC
Starting a new life with each other in Jackson seemed to be going well, until it didn't.
Word Count: 15,272
Just one more story that I am uploading for practice purposes - I have many, many completed stories to upload, but am not that used to Tumblr yet, so it will take time to upload all of them - I'm not sure I will actually upload all of them, even. Right now, I'm just uploading the shorter ones for practice - just until I get used to the site. I will continue uploading the two series I have started uploading every other day - using those to practice scheduling stuff on Tumblr.
This fic also contains the very first smut I've ever written. I'm notoriously bad at it - I blush when I type smut out, so I apologize in advance if the smut is not smutting.
Thank you for those who have chosen to read my little mind worms. I appreciate you so much - there are no words.
WARNINGS: Mentions of Sexual Assault, Joel is Bad at Feelings (The Last of Us), Mutual Pining, Idiots in Love, Jealousy, Communication Failure, Joel Needs a Hug (The Last of Us), Angst, Fluff, Non-Smutting Smut, Happy Ending.
They decided to tell Ellie the truth. To say she was infuriated was an understatement, remaining silent throughout the journey back to Jackson. When they walked into the now familiar house. Ellie ran straight upstairs, the aggressive slamming of the door rattling the house, maybe for real, or maybe Joel and Madeleine were too in their heads when it came to the teenager’s wrath at them. Maybe they even deserved it. The two looked at each other, resigned to the teenager’s inevitable mood for the foreseeable future.
“You want to take the master?” Joel asked.
“No, I’ll take the room down here”, Maddie replied.
With that, Joel and Maddie went their separate ways to their respective rooms, closing the doors behind them.
Maddie was bone tired. Funny how the fatigue just set in when your body realized you had finally arrived, safe and sound. She didn’t even bother showering before throwing herself onto the dusty bed. Fuck it, she thought. She slept in the dirt for months. A night or two on a dusty bed wouldn’t hurt her. It seemed Joel and Ellie had the same idea, no sounds of plumbing or running water to be heard. It was sundown, but they could all use the rest. Who cared if they slept for 12 hours? After what they had just been through, they deserved it.
But try as she might, Maddie couldn’t sleep. The room felt suffocating. After almost a year of sleeping out in the open, this felt claustrophobic. Like she was sleeping in a room-sized coffin, but a coffin, nonetheless. She also had gotten used to having Joel and Ellie next to her when sleeping. Now that she was alone, it just felt unsafe, despite the obvious opposite. She tossed and turned, trying to calm her mind enough for sleep to take hold, but her mind kept replaying what happened over the last few days.
How the whole thing didn’t make sense to her, even on the surface. The dilapidated hospital, the lack of staff and resources, the ambitious nature of it all despite the lack of proper procedure and expertise. How could one doctor and two nurses create a cure in these conditions? So, when the doctor confirmed her biggest fear, she reacted. And it seemed Joel found out too, considering he mowed through the entire hospital to get to them. By the time they got out of there, the only people left alive were the three medical professionals, locked in the threadbare operating theatre.
But Ellie couldn’t see it from their point of view, going on and on about how her life was now without purpose, how she could’ve died for something meaningful, how they took that choice away from her. Maddie and Joel kept quiet. They let her say her peace and hoped that one day she would understand how important she had become to them both.
A glance at the clock showed it was nearing midnight. This was getting ridiculous now. Her body was protesting its own indecisiveness. So tired, but too restless and her head too full to sleep. Deciding that rest was vital before she lost her mind, she picked up her pillow and blanket, and went into the living room. Maybe a bigger space will help her breathe easier, and hopefully sleep would claim her. Laying the blanket on the floor, she laid down, looking around the room in the dark. This would be home from now on. She just needed a few days to get used to it, she was sure of it.
Not that time ever made her feel like any place was home anyway. She had spent close to 15 years at the QZ working as a nurse at the FEDRA hospital. But she had never felt at home there, and the fact that she had never agreed with their policies didn’t help. She helped Tess and Joel whenever she could, getting them what they needed from the hospital, helping them make connections so that they could get out when they needed to, keeping a lookout for them, and in return, they helped protect her. But when she was found out, the officer wanted a bribe. Instead of turning her in, maybe he could turn a blind eye, if she would open her legs for him whenever he wanted. When she resisted, he assaulted her, the physical assaults leaving her face black and blue and bloody, eyes so swollen she couldn’t open them properly, the sexual assaults leaving her bleeding, unable to walk for days. She couldn’t leave her apartment for a whole week, and when Tess and Joel found her, they smuggled her out to live with Bill and Frank. For five years, she helped nurse Frank, before finding them in each other’s arms, a goodbye note and a set of instructions on the dining table.
When Joel and Ellie arrived, she decided to go with them, and the rest was history.
A small thud from a pillow thrown next to her own jolted her from her thoughts, Joel standing over her. It seemed he couldn’t sleep either. He laid down next to her, threw his blanket over them both, and now there were two of them unable to sleep instead of one. Their bodies so weary they couldn’t even find the energy to talk, but the unease in their hearts wouldn’t allow them to sleep. After about an hour of them just lying there staring at the ceiling, the stairs creaked. Ellie joined them, lying on Maddie’s other side. Maddie pulled her closer, and covered her with the blanket too, Joel shuffling closer to her on her right.
Within minutes, all three of them were sound asleep.
***
Madeleine spent the next week scrubbing the house top to bottom, Joel fixing whatever needed fixing. Ellie still hadn’t spoken to either of them, spending her time in the backyard cleaning it up. Maria had come by, setting the three of them up with basic needs to start their new life, and jobs for them to contribute. Maddie, obviously, would be helping Dr Marcus Adams at the big house in the center of town used as the clinic. Joel was set up with some constructing duties, as well as patrol, and Ellie was asked to help at the stable after school.
A couple weeks in, the three of them had somewhat settled into a routine. Although Ellie was still obviously extremely angry with the both of them, she stayed close, not knowing anyone in town apart from them. A month in, she had started to make friends, and her silence was replaced by some mumblings letting Joel or Maddie know where she was headed to before storming off, followed by the obligatory slamming of the door. At this point Joel or Maddie had gotten used to her tantrums, both silently agreeing that this was better than her lying dead on that operating table. Joel even made a joke that he should scavenge for new doors just in case she managed to shatter one with all the slamming.
And then there’s the two of them. Their day-to-day life, preparing meals together, doing household chores, dealing with Ellie’s tantrums, felt so right, so normal, that it wasn’t hard to convince herself the three of them were a family. They had breakfast together every day, Ellie storming off as soon as she finished. Joel and Maddie would then follow suit, walking a distance behind her, making sure she arrived at the school safely. Joel would then walk her to the clinic and go to work. After lunch at the mess hall, Maddie would watch from afar to make sure Ellie got to the stable alright, not wanting to suffocate the angry teenager. Joel would then pick her up from work in the evenings, and both of them would wait for Ellie to finish at the stable a distance away before following her home, again, from a distance.
As unconventional as their days as a family were, this was their new normal. They liked it, even Ellie, not that she would ever admit that. It was as if they were her parents. To Maddie, this new routine was as domestic as she had ever felt, and before she knew it, she was seeing Joel in a different light, wondering what it would be like if they were a couple, and if he felt the same for her. But Joel had never shown her any interest beyond the normal protective man that they knew him to be.
Just as he had given a sense of safety and familiarity to Maddie and Ellie, they were also those things to him. And he would be lying if he were to say that Maddie was just someone he had travelled with. But she was a victim of sexual assault, and he wasn’t willing to scare her off by telling her how he felt. So, he took what he could get, and lived his life with her, hoping that she felt the same way, and that they would be together one day. He was comfortable with her, she was familiar, he felt like he could be himself with her.
Things went this way for a while. Over time, Ellie’s anger seemed to dissipate slightly, and she was beginning to talk to Maddie and Joel when the need arose. But being a teenager, she began spending more time with her friends, and wanted her own space. Eventually, she stopped sleeping downstairs, leaving Joel and Maddie alone, both of them still needing the familiarity of each other’s company to rest.
About three months in, Maddie woke up to Joel spooning her, his arms wrapped around her. She sighed contentedly, feeling happier and more rested than she had ever felt. When Joel awoke, he seemed flustered, mumbling his apologies, covering his crotch with the blankets before going upstairs to get ready for the day. For the rest of that week, Joel and Maddie woke up in each other’s arms, but never took it further. Both of them were convinced that the cuddling was accidental, just an unconscious move one of them made in the night. But the domesticity between them increased, standing nearer to each other, letting their shoulders touch when cooking or walking next to each other, fingers brushing against one another, shy smiles exchanged all the time. Ellie noticed, her eyes rolling, but she smirked softly with approval every time the two made eye contact before looking away pink-cheeked and embarrassed.
That day, after dropping Ellie off, Joel asked Maddie if she would go to the Tipsy Bison for a drink with him that night, just the two of them. Joel’s smile was so wide his eyes disappeared, his hand rubbing the back of his neck, his heart close to bursting when she shyly said yes. They continued walking slowly towards the clinic, hands brushing against each other in the process. Joel was having a discussion with himself in his head on whether or not to kiss her on the cheek upon dropping her off at the clinic, when a group of men went running past them towards the clinic, carrying a very bloody man. Maddie looked at Joel, who nodded. She said a quick goodbye before running to the clinic to help.
The rest of that day went by with a blur. The patient had tried to fix his malfunctioning fridge when it shocked him, and his violently seizing body caused it to topple over and crush him. His injuries were severe, and Maddie and Marcus never left his side, staying at the clinic for the next three nights before he stabilized, taking turns sleeping for an hour each at the studio apartment above the clinic.
When Maddie went home days later, Joel was not in the living room sleeping. He had gone upstairs to his own room. Maddie slept in her own room for the first time that night, exhaustion taking her to dreamland within minutes. When she woke up the next day, having slept in later than she normally would, Joel had gone on patrol.
Dinner that night was quieter than usual, Joel exhausted from his long day, Maddie too. Ellie was just rushing through dinner to go to movie night. After they cleaned up, Joel put his jacket on and told Maddie he was going out for a drink before closing the door behind him. Maddie was dumbfounded. What happened to going to the Tipsy Bison together? Did he want her to go with him? Did he ask her, but she didn’t hear? She decided she was going anyway. It was weird to go this long without him.
When she got to the Bison, she searched the room for him or Tommy. She found him almost immediately, sitting at the bar, a drink in his hand, chatting with someone she couldn’t see, his back to her. She walked over, eager to join him, when the crowd parted. He was sitting next to a beautiful redhead, who was animatedly telling him a story. She looked young, probably in her mid-twenties. She was textbook beautiful, with her perfect face and her perfect body in a beautiful wrap dress. Maddie looked at her own reflection in the mirror behind the bar, feeling like she looked at least fifty, and not the mid-forties that she really was, her clothes plain and baggy, hiding her less than perfect body, full of scars from their long journey together. He laughed at her jokes, looking like he’s having a hell of a time. Maddie shook the shock away, walking forward again, when the redhead wrapped her arm around his free hand, and placed her head on his shoulder. Maddie got closer and called his name.
Joel and the redhead turned, Joel quickly pulling his hand away from her hold. The redhead looked her up and down and smiled.
“You must be Madeleine, you’re Joel’s roommate, right?” she asked, her charming smile making Maddie feel like a frumpy old lady.
Joel cleared his throat. “Maddie, this is Vanessa, my patrol partner.”
***
Maddie forced a smile on her face and said hi to Vanessa. Joel pulled the chair on his other side and asked her to join them. But Maddie felt like she was interrupting. She now felt sure that he did not in fact ask her to join him before he left the house. He wanted to be alone with her. And now he was inviting her to join them because he felt bad, or felt he had to. Maddie felt hot all of a sudden, her face flushed with embarrassment. She mumbled some incoherent half-assed excuse about needing to get up early and turned to go home. She heard Joel call after her, but she was too mortified with the realization that she had made up his affection for her in her head that she just bolted. She ran face first into Tommy who asked her to slow down, but she didn’t. She needed to get out of there as soon as she could.
Fuck. What was she thinking? Why the hell would he want to be with some middle-aged old maid such as herself when he could get a Vanessa? Young, beautiful, sexy, sex-on-a-leg Vanessa? Those perky boobs of hers that were close to spilling out of her dress probably didn’t even need bras. Maddie couldn’t get her own boobs to look that perky with the best push up available. He may be in his fifties, but Joel was a good-looking guy, and Maddie had not missed the way the ladies in Jackson giving him fuck-me eyes on the daily. He had always been oblivious to this phenomenon, and Maddie stupidly thought it was because he only cared for her attention, but clearly, she was wrong. Shit, shit, shit, shit, SHIT! How was she supposed to look him in the eyes again?
When she got home, she went straight to her room, not bothering to turn the lights on. Sleep evaded her, her heart hammering away, but the embarrassment she felt earlier was now replaced with something she could not identify. She had never felt like this before. Her heart felt… heavy. The weight of it pressing down on her as she laid on her bed. She turned sideways to ease it, it worked for a while, but returned a few minutes later. After what felt like hours, she heard the front door open, and Joel’s familiar heavy footsteps walked in, the sounds coming closer and closer before stopping at her door. She saw the shadows of his feet in the sliver of light under the door from her dark room. She could hear his hand touching the door handle, but after what felt like hours, she heard him huff a long breath before retreating and going up to his own room. Maddie let go of the breath she didn’t realize she was holding. She turned one final time, letting the heaviness play with her mind until sleep took her.
The next morning, Maddie practically shoved food down Ellie’s throat in order to whisk her away to school as soon as possible, terrified of running into Joel. Ellie pushed her hand away, grumbling what her problem was. As they were leaving, she heard Joel’s door open. Maddie grabbed Ellie by the collar and pulled her out the door, literally jogging away from the door. She heard the door open, and Joel’s voice call for them, Ellie stopping to wait for Joel, but Maddie kept pulling.
“What is going on with you? Why are we running from Joel?” she asked.
Before Maddie could answer, Vanessa appeared out of nowhere, colliding with her, the force of it pushing both of them on the ground, Maddie literally eating dirt. Joel ran up, helping Vanessa up, checking she was alright before turning to Maddie, whose lips were now bleeding from her face plant. Joel looked concerned, hand coming up to her face, but before he could do anything, Vanessa piped up,
“I was just on my way to get you. We need to leave now. The patrol from last night didn’t return. I was going to go get Tommy next,” she said, her voice urgent.
Maddie wiped the blood on her lips while Ellie helped her up. Joel looked at her, her lips sans blood now. Maddie said something about being late for work and turned around, pulling Ellie with her. Ellie kept quiet after that, somehow reading that any comments on what just happened wouldn’t be welcomed, especially the fact that Joel helped Vanessa up before her. Maddie felt childish, as if she was reading too much into this. He had reached Vanessa first, so it made sense that he helped her first, right? Of course he would’ve helped her too. Of course he would’ve. He would’ve. He definitely would’ve.
When she got to the clinic, Marcus, who was fast becoming her best friend from all the time they spent alone at the clinic, was already there. He turned to greet her, only for his face to morph into concern at her swollen lips, now bleeding again. He forced her to take a seat, despite her protests, fussing with swabs and ointments to make sure she didn’t need stitches. He gently pried her lips open, looking at them with a small torch, dabbing lightly to see if the bleeding could stop on its own, his left hand holding her cheek.
Someone cleared their throat. The two looked up to see Joel standing in the doorway, his face like thunder. He said something about not knowing what time he would be home that day, and to make sure Ellie got home on time, before abruptly turning around and leaving, the door slammed harder than it should behind him. Marcus looked bewildered for a second, before declaring she didn’t need stitches, but dabbing some ointment on her lips anyway, just to be safe.
When both batches of patrol came back that evening, Maddie was relieved to see Joel unscathed, just tired looking, Vanessa riding next to him, looking like some badass chick coming home from a victorious battle, her red hair looking perfect as ever, an easy smile on her face, which was gazing adoringly at Joel. A few riders from last night’s patrol were injured, so Marcus called Maddie to give him a hand. She felt Joel’s eyes on her but did not dare look. She focused on cleaning the injuries and then preparing the trays and equipment to stitch up the wounds, her and Marcus working well together, fast and efficient.
After what felt like a thousand hours, Maddie was looking forward to going home, taking a shower, having a quick dinner and just sleeping the rest of the night away. She was walking towards the stables to get Ellie, stomach rumbling, when someone called her name. It was Vanessa, running slightly to catch up with her.
“Hey Maddie? I just wanted to say sorry for running into you like that this morning. I was in a hurry and didn’t see you. Are you alright?”
Maddie nodded, so not in the mood to feel inferior right now, and Vanessa just brought that out of her. Vanessa continued almost immediately after the nod,
“Hey, just wondering. You and Joel, you guys are not together, right? He said you were just roommates?”
Maddie felt like her heart was in her throat. She was convinced that if she opened her mouth to answer her heart would fall out. So instead, she shook her head. After all, that���s what she was. She was the woman living in the same house as he, in different rooms in fact. They were roommates. He was her roommate, one she was heavily crushing on, a one-sided imaginary feel-fest starring only her.
“Oh, good. So, you don’t mind that we’re seeing each other, right? It’s just, we spend so much time together and I think we both feel this connection you know? It was just a matter of time. We work well together. But I just thought I should talk to you about it, you know, woman to woman?” she said, her eyes dreamy.
“Isn’t he too old for you?” Maddie said before she could stop herself. Vanessa just scoffed.
“If that’s what old looks like, I guess I have a thing for older men. Plus, he’s not old where it counts, you know what I mean? That man can make me purr, let me tell you that!” she said, giving a cheeky wink before walking away.
Maddie stopped in front of the stable, her legs heavier than lead, her head full of what just happened. So, Joel had a girlfriend now? She couldn’t comprehend it, just a week ago he was flirting with her and asking her out for drinks, and cuddling with her, and now he had a girlfriend?
Maddie heard her name again, this time in Joel’s low tone. It seemed he had the same idea to walk Ellie home from the stable now that he was home earlier than expected.
“What did Vanessa want?” he asked her, his head low, eyes fixed on his feet.
“Nothing,” Maddie said, a little too quickly. “You can walk Ellie home, right? I think I’m gonna go home first.”
“Wait,” he said, his hand wrapped gently around her clenched hand. “I made dinner. Let’s have dinner together? Like we always did? I have something to talk to you about,” he said, his face hopeful.
Maddie so badly wanted to say yes, she had missed him. Missed having a good meal with him and Ellie. But Vanessa’s words were fresh in her mind, and if he was just going to tell her the same thing, she didn’t want to hear it. She got it. He had a girlfriend. All his affections were in her head.
“Actually Joel, I’m not hungry. I’m really tired. I’ll see you around,” she said instead, walking away, prying her hand from his gentle grasp, dying to get away from him before the grumbling in her tummy got loud enough to betray her.
Maddie went to bed with a piece of bread, lying in bed in the dark, willing herself not to cry. The heaviness in her chest was back. What was going on? What was this feeling? Shit. She just wanted it to go away.
After he and Ellie had dinner, Joel went to Maddie’s door, raising his hand to knock, desperate to talk to her. But he couldn’t pretend he didn’t hear her word choice – that she will see him ‘around’ instead of ‘at home'. Deciding not to bother her, he went upstairs and willed himself to sleep.
The next day, while she was mopping the floors in the clinic, Vanessa showed up. Maddie almost sighed out loud in exasperation. She kept popping up on her, like a Jack-in-a-Box, but a really annoyingly beautiful one. Instead, she composed herself and forced a fake smile on her face. Vanessa came up to her, a cheeky look on her face,
“Hey Maddie… so… Joel and I are going on a date tonight, and… well… I live with five other girls you know, and Ellie will be spending the night at Dina’s. I was wondering if you could do me a solid and make yourself scarce for the evening? So, we can have some alone time? Help a girl out?” she begged, a desperate look on her face.
Maddie just stared for a while. There were so many things she wanted to say, but she didn’t want to seem like a scorned woman, so she just smiled and nodded, before picking up the mop bucket and walking to the back room. She heard Vanessa’s delighted “thank you!” behind her, shut the door to the back room, sat down, and buried her face in her hands, the tears flowing freely.
As she laid in the twin bed in the studio apartment above the clinic that night, she couldn’t get the images of Joel and Vanessa together out of her imagination. She didn’t even go home for a change of clothes, worried that if she ran into him, she would turn to stone. She kept picturing them naked, their bodies entwined, their lips locked, their moans loud and echoey throughout the empty house. She hated the fact that she didn’t tell him how she felt earlier, and now it was too late. She cried herself to sleep that night, fully dressed.
The next morning, she was shaken awake by a worried Marcus, who had noticed that the apartment lights were on and went up there, thinking he forgot to switch them off. He asked her what happened, but she was too ashamed to tell him, choosing instead to tell him she was too tired to walk home. He obviously didn’t believe her but chose not to press further. Instead, he waited for her to wash her face, and asked her to go to the mess hall for some breakfast instead. He needed to open the clinic, but a hungry nurse won’t do him any good, he said, pinching her on the chin, making her laugh.
When they walked down together, Marcus’s comforting hand on her shoulder, they came face to face with Joel, who stopped walking, his face the picture of devastation at the sight he was seeing. Maddie wanted to be offended, clocking what he must have thought of the sight. How dare he, when he was the one going on dates and bringing the perfect specimen of a woman home. She was about to express her annoyance, but a very chirpy Vanessa came running, pulling him away, whispering in his ear, before turning around and smiling cheekily at Maddie, winking conspiratorially at her, giving her a thumbs up, as if doing her the biggest favor. Joel kept looking back at the two of them, his face disbelieving, looking crestfallen. Maddie felt her heart clench. She realized that instead of anger, his face just looked so sad. She wanted to go after him and ask him what was wrong, but a flustered looking mother came running to the clinic, her child in her arms who was obviously having difficulty breathing.
So, Maddie put her nurse game face on, and took the child from his mother, and brought him inside for treatment.
***
Joel didn’t sleep at home for almost a week after that day. He would walk Ellie home from the stable in the evenings, made sure she had dinner, and left as soon as Maddie got home. He got home before dawn broke, got ready for his day, and let Maddie handle Ellie in the mornings, preferring to leave for the stables without having to bump into her. Maddie made sure Ellie was never alone at night but chose to sleep at the apartment if Joel was home for the night, deciding that she would rather sew her own ears shut than hear Joel and Vanessa going at it, making sure she was out of the house before she came for the night. She got home a little earlier than expected one day and could hear his moans and groans upstairs and ran out of the house like her life depended on it before she could hear her too. Never again, she thought. Her heart couldn’t take it. Ellie was spending more and more weekends sleeping over at her friends’ places, so Maddie was the only obstacle for the happy couple’s privacy. Maddie did wonder where the two spent their nights when they were not at this house. Vanessa made it clear she had roommates, so they must have found some sort of a sex port somewhere.
Maria came to talk to her one day, asking her if she and Joel were having problems, considering they had not been seen together for a couple of weeks. They were virtually inseparable during the first three months in Jackson, and suddenly it was as if they were strangers. Maria told her she was shocked to hear that Joel was with Vanessa – she had always thought that he and Maddie would end up together. Even Tommy was shocked, but of course, no one dared say anything to the grumpy man, for he was even more stubborn than he was grumpy.
As much as Maddie wanted to own up to her feelings and frustrations, she didn’t want Maria and Tommy blabbing to Joel. If he was happy with Vanessa, then she would like to be happy for him, as much as it was killing her inside. So, Maddie tried to keep the peace. She and Joel simply coexisted, avoiding each other like a dance, while making sure Ellie was taken care of.
But Ellie, oh Ellie. That girl had completely become a typical teenager, always angry, always moody, not that she wasn’t already. Despite letting Joel and Maddie walk her to school and back home daily, she made it quite clear that she was still angry at them for what happened at the hospital, using that as an excuse as to why they didn’t have the right to tell her what she could and couldn’t do, since they had taken her choice away from her. She could sense the unease between the two parental figures, and she was acting out. Maddie caught her smoking once, and when she tried to tell her it was not good for her, she stomped off, yelling that she was not her mother so please fuck off! Joel wasn’t faring any better with her either. He caught her sneaking out late one night, and when confronted, she screamed that he was not her father, and it was not like he was such a good role model, he couldn’t even keep his family together.
So, Maddie and Joel had a sit down, and decided they needed to get their shit together, and work together for Ellie’s sake. They came to an agreement that they needed to stay together, just until Ellie fully settled, so that she didn’t feel alone or left out. Family meals were no longer negotiable, even if no one was talking. Also, no one would be having sleepovers, at home or otherwise for a while, just to get their bearings back. Ellie needed stability, and having every other parental figure out of the house every other night was not helping, neither was her sleeping in different places every weekend. And for Joel and Maddie – whatever they had going on outside of the three of them, stayed out of the house. So, Maddie made it a point to never mention Vanessa to him, and he did the same. They were civil to one another, keeping up appearances for her sake, but when Ellie went to bed, both of them quietly retreated to their own rooms, neither talking to each other, each missing longing looks they each gave the other.
Slowly but surely, their efforts started showing results. Ellie started calming down, making the effort to spend more time with Joel and Maddie, going to movie nights with them, even helping them prepare meals and tending the garden in the backyard, doing her chores, and although she still had her temper tantrums every now and again, she was generally more relaxed, and a lot more cooperative. Everything seemed to be going well. The three of them getting along, their school and work life going great.
Every time Maddie saw Vanessa around town, she was always surrounded by ladies her age – her roommates, Maddie assumed. Vanessa always gave her a sad smile, and her friends would stare at her, annoyance and disgust clear on their faces, before rubbing their hands on Vanessa’s back and walking away as a group. Joel had taken to glaring at Marcus whenever the doc was around, although for the life of her Maddie couldn’t figure out why. But they had agreed not to talk about anything non-related to the three of them, so she kept quiet.
About two months after the new arrangement began, Maddie was taking inventory at the clinic when Vanessa walked in, arms full of medical supplies they had found from that day’s scavenging trip. Maddie thanked her, and immediately began checking the items for leaks and expiry dates.
“So, how’s Ellie doing these days?” Vanessa asked.
“Joel didn’t tell you? She’s doing much better. It’s sweet of you to ask.”
“That’s so great! I am so happy for you guys,” she said. “So, now that Ellie’s doing much better, are you looking for other places to live?”
“Why would I be doing that?” Maddie asked back, genuinely confused at the question.
“Well, now that Ellie’s doing better, do you need to still be living with Joel? I mean, you guys are not together, and he’s with me, so why are you still living with him?” Vanessa questioned; a sweet smile still plastered on her gorgeous, perfect face.
Maddie was taken aback. She had been living there since they moved to Jackson. The three of them came in together, where else would she be living? Unless…
“Did Joel say something?”
“Oh, it’s not my place to say…”
“Vanessa,” Maddie’s voice was stern, looking at Vanessa with a serious face.
Vanessa gave an uncomfortable smile. “It’s just that Joel and I were planning to take our relationship to the next level you know? We completely understood the need for the two of us to slow down when Ellie was acting up, but now that she’s doing better, he mentioned that maybe it would be better if you found a place for yourself so that I can move in with him, maybe start a family of our own,” she said, her hands twisting together, head down, trying to avoid Maddie’s disbelieving eyes.
“I mean, technically I could just move in with you still living there, but we are very loud, and I think he just didn’t want to make you uncomfortable you know? Even when we haven’t been spending nights together, he found ways for us to have alone time - the man is insatiable - so imagine what it would be like if we were to actually live together…” she continued, a sly smile on her face.
“Plus, I think you living there would make him uncomfortable too. He wouldn’t even show me affection in public out of respect for you. People know the three of you came in together, and lots of people believe you guys are together, so he didn’t want to make you feel left out or anything, you know? So, it would be better for all of us if you have your own place.”
Marcus walked in at that moment, having heard what was said, a stern look on his face, and Vanessa excused herself, before turning around and begging Maddie not to say anything to Joel, for he had made her promise not to say anything. As soon as she was gone, Maddie told Marcus she would be right back, and ran home. She had to talk to Joel. Was this what he really wanted? She needed to hear him say it to believe it. When she got home, the door was open, and she can hear Tommy, Maria and Ellie’s voices clearly, along with Joel’s low one.
“Are you sure about this brother?” Tommy asked.
“Isn’t it too soon?” Maria added, “It’s only been a few months…”
“It’s not too soon,” Ellie’s voice interrupted.
Joel’s voice was clear now.
“We have to move on, things cannot stay like this forever. We will talk to Maddie, make her understand. This is good for her. To be independent. We will help her with anything she needs, of course, but she cannot depend on us forever, so, it would be better if she lives on her own. It’s not like she’ll be far, we’re right here,” he said, his voice steady.
There was a long silence.
“Alright, if you think that’s best,” Maria said.
Maddie had heard everything she needed to hear. She turned around and walked back to the clinic. She couldn’t believe what she had just heard. Sure, he had found someone, but it had only been a couple of months, ten weeks at the most. And just like that she was no longer needed? After everything?
When she got back to the clinic, she broke down. She told Marcus everything. She felt like he was the only person she could talk to about this, everyone else in her life seemed to be conspiring to rid Joel of her, and he seemed more than eager to make that happen too. Marcus held her tight, keeping silent and just being there for her. He offered his spare room, but Marcus didn’t live alone, and Maddie didn’t want to intrude. He then suggested she move into the apartment above the clinic – the apartment was part of the clinic, and staff were allowed to use it at the doctor’s discretion, especially when severely injured patients required 24/7 care, and he wanted her to have it. Plus, he said, it would be better for the town to have the nurse living directly above the clinic, especially for emergency cases at night.
Maddie promised to think about it, but when she got home that evening, she found that she couldn’t even look at Joel in the eyes anymore, knowing he didn’t want her there. She could feel his eyes on her at all times, and she kept bracing herself for him to tell her what she already knew – that he needed her to move out so he can live his happily ever after with Vanessa, Ellie, and however many devastatingly gorgeous children those two annoyingly good-looking people would inevitably have from their super active sex life. So, the next day while the house was empty, with Marcus’s help, she packed what little belonging she had, and moved out.
But she still had Ellie to think about. Ellie still needed stability. And as hurt as she was, she didn’t want to put her own needs before Ellie’s, but at the same time didn’t want Joel to have the satisfaction of knowing that she gave in to their demands – even if he hadn’t had the balls to talk to her about him wanting to move Vanessa in. So, she decided that while Ellie was still adjusting, she would sneak back home early in the mornings to make breakfast and have their morning routine together, go back there as usual for dinner, and sneak back out once Joel had gone up to bed. Anything for Ellie. All Maddie wanted was for the little girl to have as normal a life as she and Joel could give her.
More time passed. Vanessa had asked her again if she had found an alternate living arrangement, confirming to her that Joel had no clue she had moved out. She was a bit hurt by that. Really? He didn’t even notice she didn’t live here anymore? To be fair, she had been keeping up the façade of being there as if nothing had changed shockingly well, and Joel was much too gentlemanly to barge into her now very empty room without permission to discover her little act. But still, Maddie found herself to be annoyed most days now. Even after a whole month since she overheard that conversation, Joel still hadn’t confronted her with it. Still hadn’t told her he would prefer for her to move out. Ugh. Just man up and do it already!
Joel, on the other hand, was still walking around as the resident town grump, even all these months later. He went about his day as if someone was always hiding in the bushes about to attack him, shoulders stiff, a permanent scowl on his face. The only times he seemed a bit relaxed was when talking to Ellie, Maddie or Maria, even Tommy when the younger man wasn’t looking to annoy him. Nothing weird there, though. That’s how he had always been, and it took Maddie and Ellie nursing him back to health, their hands never leaving his during his recovery from that incident in Salt Lake City for him to soften for the two of them.
He walked into the clinic one Saturday, holding his left arm, the sleeve of his flannel soaked in blood. Maddie felt her head freeze at the sight, running to him and pulling him into the treatment room to take a closer look. He let her pull him with her, his face soft and at ease seeing her worried one.
“What the hell happened?” Maddie asked, carefully folding the sleeves up to take a closer look at his arm, internally chastising herself at how desperately worried she sounded. She hated how much she still cared and worried for him, but she couldn’t help herself.
There was a long, deep, jagged gash along his forearm, about four inches in length, and it was bleeding profusely.
“Caught it on some sharp zinc in the garage while clearing it today,” he explained, wincing slightly when Maddie applied saline solution to clean the wound.
“The hell were you doing clearing the garage?” she asked. “You need to learn to rest, old man, you work too much,” she said.
Joel chuckled, a smile on his face, despite the pain that he was in. Maddie continued cleaning the gash thoroughly, being careful not to hurt him too much. Her eyes slightly wet at the thought of him being hurt. Those couple of weeks in Salt Lake City were among the worst days of her life, she and Ellie so worried that he wouldn’t make it. Even if she was a nurse, it wasn’t like they had the supplies to treat him properly. She was glad they were in Jackson now, and she could help tend to his wound as needed.
Joel couldn’t help but stare at her as she worked, stitching his wound up, her face slightly scrunched up in concentration. His heart softened every time he looked at her. She was so close to him right now; he could smell her shampoo. He longed to bury his face in her hair, in her neck, so he could drown in her smell. It took everything in him not to, he shouldn’t. He didn’t have the right to do that. But he missed her smell, the way her body melted into his when they used to sleep in the living room, the way their bodies just magnetize towards each other no matter how they tried not to do that. He missed the talks they would have before they both fall asleep, and most of all, he missed waking up with his face buried in her hair, the back of her neck, or her face in the crook of his, her arm around his waist, and his around her body. But he couldn’t have that now, not anymore. So, he settled for just looking at her, taking in as much of her beautiful face as he could, hoping to God that was enough to help him sleep that night.
When Maddie looked up at him, she found him looking at her, his face so soft, his puppy dog eyes full of yearning. Their faces were so close together, she could see the flecks of amber in his beautiful brown eyes.
“Maddie,” he began, his voice so soft, so careful, his uninjured hand finding her arm, softly stroking it up and down. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you…”
Her heart stopped. This was it. He was going to tell her he wanted her to move out.
“Joel!!! What happened???” Vanessa’s shrill voice piped in dramatically, her face full of concern.
Maddie wanted to roll her eyes. Where the heck had she come from? Honestly. They spend five days a week on patrol together, she couldn’t let her be alone with Joel for a few minutes? Sheesh. Instead, Maddie rubbed some antibacterial salve on the stitched wound, and began bandaging it, Vanessa fussing over him as if he was a child. Joel just looked a bit flustered, uncomfortable, even. The grump was back. Gone was the soft Joel. He kept saying he was alright, just a cut, nothing to worry about. He was about to ask Vanessa to give the two of them some privacy, when Marcus came in, wondering what the shrill ruckus was all about.
Joel’s face snapped shut even harder. So did Marcus’s when he saw Joel and Vanessa there. As soon as Maddie stood up, he wrapped his hand around Maddie’s shoulder protectively, concerned at what Maddie must be feeling with those two being there together in her presence. He had spent so much time listening to Maddie pour her heart out regarding those two, and he wasn’t about to allow them to hurt her in his presence.
Vanessa wrapped her arms around Joel’s uninjured arm to leave. Joel’s body resisting, but eventually gave in. But before they could leave, Vanessa turned.
“Are you two going to the Bison tonight? Some of the men are doing a live performance. It should be fun! Will we see the two of you there?” she asked, her arms still wrapped around Joel’s, whose face was unreadable, apart from the murdering of a doctor he was probably plotting in his head.
Maddie couldn’t speak, the lump in her throat getting bigger by the second.
“We’ll be there, wouldn’t miss it,” Marcus said, his arm tightening around Maddie’s shoulder. He didn’t miss the way Joel’s eyes flickered to his arm.
“Great! See you there!” Vanessa chirped, before pulling a reluctant Joel with her.
Maddie let out a shaky breath. Marcus let go of her shoulder, but took her face in his hands, checking to see if she was alright.
“Why did you say we would go tonight? I really don’t feel like going. The last thing I need was to see the two of them slow dancing,” she said with a slight tremble of her lips, her tears threatening to slip out.
“Nope. You are going little nurse lady. You are gonna get all dressed up, you are gonna have a few drinks, loosen up and have fun. I’m gonna make sure you leave the Bison smiling tonight if it’s the last thing I do. Fuck ‘em. We are going to have fun. Full stop. Understood?” he said, his face full of care and determination.
Maddie thought about it for a bit and nodded.
He was right. Fuck the two of them. She was going to have fun tonight.
***
Scissors. Where the fuck were the scissors? Ellie was running around the house, looking in every drawer in the common areas looking for scissors. The ‘new’ shirt she had put on for the live performance at the Bison tonight had an annoyingly long lose thread from the wash, and it was a twenty-year-old shirt to begin with despite it being new to her, so she didn’t want to risk pulling it in case it made the situation worse. Joel had left early, needing to help set up the Bison after promising profusely to be careful with his injured arm. Maddie said she would be going from the clinic. So, the mission to find the scissors was a solo one. She went into Joel’s room, hastily looking around for one, but couldn’t find any. Surely, they must have some scissors somewhere in the house, right? Maddie might have them. She ran downstairs, checking in the drawers in the living room and kitchen once more for good measure, before going into Maddie’s room, completely oblivious to what she was about to be greeted with.
***
Maddie spent the evening at Maria’s, looking for a dress to borrow for the night. She forced herself to only speak of everyday matters, and not about Joel or the fact that she was heartbroken that she was about to see Joel and Vanessa together in a public setting. Maria insisted that she put some make up on her, after all, as a beautiful single woman, she might meet someone at the concert, winking at her with a teasing smile.
“Oh, come on Maria. Who would want an old lady such as myself?” Maddie asked.
“Hey, we are about the same age, and 46 is NOT OLD!” Maria said defensively.
“Maybe it wasn’t old in the before, but nowadays? Fuck that is old,” Maddie’s hands covered her face at the thought.
“Hey, Joel is older, and he found someone. You will too,” Maria said.
“Yeah, a 25-year-old. Guys want younger models. They want a Vanessa. They don’t want a Maddie. I mean, Joel went for someone young enough to be his daughter, and he gets called a stud. If I go for someone young enough to be my son? Imagine the backlash!”
Maria sighed. She could not understand why Joel would go for Vanessa. She and Tommy were shocked when they found out. Tommy spent the rest of that day going on and on about how out of character that was for Joel, to go for someone he hardly knew. Joel was a man of routine, of familiarity. And even though Joel had assured him that he and Maddie were just roommates, Tommy didn’t miss the way his brother looked at Maddie. Even Maria noticed, despite not knowing either of them before their second arrival to Jackson. The husband and wife were sure that Joel would finally step up and ask Maddie out. But when Vanessa told her she and Joel were together, Maria decided against talking to Joel about it, and made Tommy promise to do the same, citing it was none of their business. It wasn’t that hard to believe anyway. They spent all day on patrol together, and Vanessa was a beautiful young woman. Joel was just a man, with eyes and needs, so who were they to question it? She could see how Maddie was broken hearted by this revelation, though. But what could she do? The heart will always want what it wants.
They got ready together, Maddie finally relented to wearing a black and white body fitting Lycra dress that flared into a knee-length flowy skirt below the waist, and begrudgingly allowed Maria to lightly put 20-year-old make up on her face, her hair left to fall free around her shoulders. The two walked arm in arm to the Bison together, the town starting to walk over too. The doors to the Bison were left open, the band set up in the square. Maria found Tommy, who gushed at his wife’s beauty, before giving Maddie a low whistle and a once over. She never got all dressed up, and although feeling uncomfortable with all the attention, she enjoyed feeling like maybe, just MAYBE, she was a little bit beautiful tonight, even if only to herself.
When Joel saw Maddie for the first time that evening, he just about had a heart attack. He couldn’t take his eyes off her. He had always thought she was beautiful, even in her simplicity and no muss no fuss attitude. He had always preferred natural beauty on his ladies, and Maddie just looked stunning tonight.
Joel wasn’t looking too bad himself, despite the wrapped forearm. Maddie’s heart literally skipped a beat when she saw him. Dark jeans, a dark green dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up to just below his elbows, the top few buttons undone. Even his usually mussed curls were tamed tonight, he had styled it a little bit. Damn he looked good enough to eat.
Their eyes met across the room. They both smiled, hoping to convey what they were feeling to each other in those smiles. Someone tapped her on her shoulder. Maddie turned around, and came face to face with a stunning looking, perfectly styled Vanessa, her perfect body wrapped in a skintight red dress, her ample cleavage threatening to jump out and eat Maddie alive.
“Oh my God Maddie you came!!!” she said, giving her an exaggerated air kiss on each cheek. “You look beautiful!!” she exclaimed, giving Maddie a once over.
“Thanks Vanessa. You look good too,” Maddie said, slightly crestfallen. Even on her best dressed day, Vanessa managed to make her feel like an underdressed clown.
Joel came over, two drinks in his hands. He extended one of the drinks towards them, his eyes fixed on hers, but before Maddie could even think of taking the drink, it had disappeared from his hand.
“Why thank you handsome,” Vanessa cooed, the drink now in her hand, her free arm linking itself to Joel’s (was that a bit of annoyance on his face?). “You look good tonight,” she added, her easy smile turned very flirty. “Doesn’t Maddie look good too? You should dress up more often you know, you look really nice tonight,” she added, giving her another once over.
“Yeah, she looks beautiful,” Joel said, his eyes still on Maddie, who felt her face go red. “You really do look stunning tonight,” he said to her directly, his eyes soft and dark at the same time. “Would you…”
“There you are Marcus! Will you look at how beautiful Maddie looks tonight?” Vanessa interrupted, arms tightening around Joel’s bicep.
Maddie turned around to see Marcus looking her up and down, his mouth wide open in a big grinny disbelief, his hands wide open at the sight of her.
“Oh my God, you look amazing!” he said, his arms dropped, taking her hands in his. He twirled her around and bent a little to give her a lingering kiss on the cheek.
“Oh, stop it,” Maddie said, faking a shy smile, smacking him on his chest, but kissed him back. “Look at you! You clean up well Dr Adams!” she continued, fake batting her eyelashes at him.
The two laughed cheekily at each other. When they turned around, Maddie was met with Vanessa’s face grinning at the sight in front of her, while Joel… Joel looked like he was about to kill Marcus, the hand around his drink looking suspiciously white from his grip. Marcus ignored Joel’s murderous eyes and pulled Maddie’s hand into his.
“Come on little nurse lady, let’s get you a drink. And then, we are going to dance the night away,” he remarked.
“Bye you two!!!” Vanessa chirped happily, her arm still wrapped around Joel’s, before he pulled it away.
Maddie let herself be pulled away. She was going to have fun tonight, she thought. Nothing will ruin tonight for her, she had been through a hell of a year, a hell of twenty years, in fact, and she deserved to let loose and have fun. So, she had a few drinks, and danced with Marcus. Every now and again, she saw Joel standing somewhere in the room, leaning against a pole or a wall, his eyes always fixed on her, Vanessa right next to him, chatting merrily at whoever was closest to them. She and Maria changed partners for a song or two, Tommy being the goofy dance partner Maddie always thought he would be. But despite having so much fun, she couldn’t help but wonder what it would feel like to dance in Joel’s arms, him holding her close again, her face in the crook of his neck, surrounded by his heat and that very Joel smell that she missed so much.
She couldn’t get him alone though, Vanessa always beside him, even though she didn’t see them dance at all. Plus, what were the etiquettes here? Should she ask him to dance? Or wait for him to ask her? Was that an okay thing to do? To dance with the man she was desperately in love with when he had his stunning girlfriend clinging to him like a leech? Sheesh Vanessa, honestly. Was she capable of leaving his side for a second? We all got it, Vanessa, message received loud and clear. You were with Joel. No need to stay clamped to him like that all night. She resigned herself to the fact that she would not be dancing with him and pulled Maria to the bar for more drinks.
Joel couldn’t take his eyes off Maddie even for a second. His heart filled with longing to go over and ask Maddie for a dance, but she was always with Marcus, and even Tommy took a turn or two dancing with her (damn him, damn them both!). And Vanessa wouldn’t leave his side even for a second, and no matter how much she batted her eyelashes at him and begged him for a dance, he just didn’t feel like it. The woman he wanted to dance with was dancing with the annoyingly good-looking and charming town doctor, not him, the resident town grump. The annoyingly good-looking and charming town doctor whom she spent all her working days with. The annoyingly good-looking, charming town doctor whose hands saved lives, unlike his. The annoyingly good-looking and charming town doctor who spent the evening expertly and effortlessly twirling her around the dance floor like he was some ballroom dancing expert, while Joel couldn’t even convince himself that he would be able to dance with her without looking at or stepping on his own feet, let alone hers.
When Vanessa finally left his side to go to the bathroom, Joel decided he needed to act and ask Maddie for a dance. But he would be a gentleman about it and ask Marcus for permission first. After all, Maddie was his friend first. They came to town together. They had been living together since they arrived here. They had all this history together. It shouldn’t be weird if they danced together, right? So, Joel made his way towards Marcus, determined to be polite and ask the annoyingly good-looking and charming town doctor if he would mind letting him, the resident town grump Joel Miller, to ask his lady for a dance. He got to Marcus, who was chatting with Tommy, drink in hand, and gathered up the courage to ask him the dreaded question. But Marcus’s attention was suddenly distracted by a man who had just entered the pub, looking exhausted, obviously just in from patrol.
“Hey, you made it,” Marcus said, smiling happily before greeting the man with a hug and a sweet peck on the lips. “I don’t know if you two had met. Francis, this is Joel. Joel, this is my husband Francis,” he said.
Joel had seen Francis around before. He was the leader of one of the patrol teams, but since Joel led another team, they had never worked together. He took Francis’s outstretched hand and shook it, commenting that he had seen him around town…
…wait… HUSBAND?
“You’re gay?” Joel couldn’t stop himself from asking incredulously, while Tommy choked on his drink.
“Er… yeah… is that a problem?” Marcus hesitantly asked back.
Tommy and Francis stood there looking at the confused resident town grump and the perplexed, annoyingly good-looking and charming town doctor.
“No, of course not, I just didn’t know. Wait… does Maddie know you’re gay?” Joel asked again, unable to hide the confusion on his face.
“Of course she does. She’s my best friend, I tell her everything,” Marcus said, almost laughingly.
“But I thought…” and Joel’s thoughts remained a mystery when a teenager’s carefully aimed shoe made contact with his head, jolting all four grown men out of the discussion that was not meant to be had at that exact time.
All four men spun around to look at the source of the well-aimed shoe, Joel rubbing his head, only to be met by an extremely angry and hostile looking Ellie.
“What the fuck did you do old man? What did you fucking say to her?” she screamed, launching herself at him, smacking him everywhere she could reach.
Despite the merry music playing, the bar went quiet, everyone staring at the newly unfolding drama.
“What are you talking about? What did I do? What did I say to whom?” Joel asked, fending off her smacks, before bending down to pick up her weapon of choice.
“Maddie! She’s moved out! Her room’s all empty! What did you say to her? Did you chase her out? How could you do that?” she raised her arm to smack him again, but Joel held her hand to stop her.
“Maddie moved out? When?” he asked. He turned around, saw Maddie and Maria, back from the bar with drinks in their hands.
“You moved out?” he asked her, his face disbelieving, hurt, betrayed.
“Okay let’s all calm down and take this outside, shall we?” Maria said calmly, her town mayor persona taking over, taking Maddie’s drink from her hand, passing both their glasses to someone before ushering a stunned Joel and a stone-faced Maddie outside. Tommy took Ellie by the shoulder, doing the same, and Marcus and Francis followed.
Once they were further away from the music, they all stood around awkwardly, before Joel piped up again.
“You moved out?” he asked Maddie again, genuinely unable to believe what he had just heard.
Maddie kept looking at the ground, unable to look him in the eyes. Marcus went to her side, holding her close to him. She nodded slowly, eyes still on the ground.
“Why?”
Maddie finally looked up, annoyed that he had the gall to ask that question.
“Isn’t that what you wanted? I overheard you, Joel. And Vanessa told me. I know all of it Joel. Just because you didn’t have the balls to tell me doesn’t mean I don’t know what is going on,” she said, her voice shaking slightly with anger.
“What are you talking about? What did you overhear? What did Vanessa tell you?”
Maddie scoffed. Unbelievable.
“I know you wanted me out of the house, Joel. I heard you two talking with Tommy and Maria,” she said, looking at Joel and Ellie, her face now contorted, tears threatening to spill out.
“Wait, what?” Maria spoke up. “He never told us he wanted you out,” she continued. Tommy, confusion on his face, also shook his head no. Even Ellie looked confused.
“I heard you guys. You wanted me out. It was good for me. I shouldn’t depend on you forever. I should be independent,” her tears falling now.
A flash of understanding came across the four faces in front of her.
“That was about me,” Ellie said. “I asked Joel if he and Tommy could fix the garage up for me, so I can live there by myself, have a space of my own. That way I don’t have to depend on you two forever,” she explained.
“I was clearing it out today, finally have some time to get started,” Joel added, showing her his bandaged arm, “I was gonna talk to you about it when we had some time alone.”
“Wait a minute,” Marcus interjected. “I was there. I heard Vanessa said you wanted Maddie to move out so that she can move in with you.”
“Why the fuck would I want my patrol partner to move in with me?” Joel looked at Marcus like he was speaking in some foreign language.
Now everyone in that group just looked extremely confused, looking at Joel like he had three heads. Why would Joel call his girlfriend his patrol partner? Sure, that’s who she was too, but that’s just weird. Joel now felt like he was the new kid in school, on his first day, where everyone knew something that he didn’t. Someone said Joel’s name amidst the confusing, uncomfortable silence. The group turned around, Vanessa approaching, a nervous smile on her face.
“What’s going on here? Are we moving the party to the back alley now?” she asked, her face filled with uncertainty, but still smiling, her arm snaking around Joel’s.
Joel snatched his arm away. He turned to face her fully, his face serious, her smile faltering.
“Vanessa, what the fuck have you been telling everyone?”
***
“What do you mean, Joel?” Vanessa asked sweetly, her face looking like she would rather be anywhere else but there at the moment, “I didn’t say anything to anyone…”
“Is anyone going to tell me what is going on? Why would I ask her to move in with me?” Joel turned around, asking the silent people around him instead.
Vanessa’s face turned chalk white. Shit, cat’s out of the bag. She couldn’t believe these people went behind her back. She kept telling them not to tell Joel. Sheesh. How hard was it to follow a simple request?
“Well, I don’t know what she told others, but she told me…” Ellie began.
“Ellie…” Vanessa interrupted, panic beginning to invade her voice.
“Shut up Vanessa,” Joel snapped. “Ellie?”
“She told me you and her are dating,” Ellie finished.
The rest of the group murmured a silent ‘yep’. Everyone apart from Maddie, who stayed quiet, eyes glued to her feet.
“You told them what?” Joel’s face was red now, his eyes snapping to Vanessa.
“No Joel, they must have misunderstood…” she began, but Maria cut her off.
“No Vanessa. You told me you and Joel were dating, exclusively.”
“No, I didn’t,” Vanessa starting to sound like a denial puppet now.
Maddie was still silent. Marcus couldn’t stay silent anymore, his memory of all the tears Maddie had shed resulting from this redhead’s poison just pushed the words out,
“I heard you told Maddie Joel wanted her out of the house so that you can move in with him, Vanessa. That you guys have a lot of very loud sex. In fact, I heard you said that you two were going ‘to start a family of your own’,” he added, complete with air quotes.
Joel’s eyes were shooting daggers at Vanessa now. His body so stiff the vein on his neck were practically popping open.
“Vanessa, why would you say that?” he asked, his voice strained from controlled anger.
Vanessa looked at everyone desperately, silently begging for someone to step up to her defense. No one did, in fact she was met with stone-faced people, all staring at her, waiting for her explanation, except for Maddie, who was still looking at her feet.
“Because I am in love with you, Joel! But all you could think about was her! I just thought, if I could just get her to pull away from you, or make you believe she wasn’t interested…”
“So, you told her we were together? That I wanted her to move out? That I wanted to start a family with you? To scare her away from me? That’s why you kept pushing the idea of her and Marcus at me? You wanted me to think she wasn’t interested in me?” her delusions were so vapid and over the top he couldn’t believe she thought she was going to get away with it all.
“Oh, come on Joel. Look at them. He can barely keep his hands off her. They spend all day together, how sure are you they are not just fucking their brains out when they’re alone at the clinic?” Vanessa spat out, pointing at the way Marcus had Maddie close in his arms.
“Erm… He’s been married to me for 8 years,” Francis piped up.
Vanessa spluttered. In all her scheming, she never thought Marcus might be gay, too self-important and vain to learn more about the people around her unless she was interested in them. She could not see a way out. All her carefully laid plan just burst out into the open. The romantic images of her and Joel riding off into the sunset together now a darkened fantasy.
“I just don’t see why we can’t be together Joel!” she pleaded, “We are perfect together. We work well together. We look good together! Why would you want some dried-up old maid when you can have me, Joel?” her face now wet with self-pitying tears, her hands reaching out to take his face in her hands. He slapped them away.
“Vanessa,” he said, his voice shaky and dangerously low. “I told you, many times, that I am not interested in you like that. We are patrol partners, in fact, after tonight, I wouldn’t even call us that, much less friends,” he continued, taking careful, deep breaths.
“Joel! Please Joel, give us a chance. I am so much better for you than she ever will be Joel, we could be so happy,” she pleaded, trying to take his hands. He took a step back, choosing his words carefully, fists clenched by his sides, trembling slightly.
“You will never speak to me again, you understand? Stay away from my family. You are going to tell everyone what you have done. If anyone still believed us to be couple by Monday, or if I hear you say anything bad about Maddie, or see you so much as look her way, so help me God, I will feed you to the clickers myself. Leave now Vanessa, before I forget myself and hurt you.”
Vanessa stood there like a stump. Her usually beautiful face looked exceptionally ugly under the dim lights behind the Tipsy Bison, tears streaking down her face. Unable to defend herself any longer, she turned and walked away defeatedly, her shoulders slumped.
Another uncomfortable silence surrounded the group.
“Does anyone feel stupid that we didn’t see this coming? I mean, if we had just asked Joel in the first place…” Tommy said, glaring at Maria, who was now regretting not doing just that.
A slew of uncomfortable looks and silent, awkward nods followed.
More silence.
“Well,” Francis said with a deep breath, “This was fun, but I would like to go back to the party and drink my achy bones away, perhaps have a dance or two with my husband,” he said.
Marcus looked at Maddie, a small smile on his face. He kissed her on the temple before letting her go, patting Joel on the shoulder, and walking hand in hand with Francis back to the party. Tommy cleared his throat.
“Yeah, well, I think I might join them. Baby?” he looked at Maria, holding his hand out for hers.
Maria reached out and gave Maddie a quick hug, before taking her husband’s hand and walking away with him. Ellie gave an exasperated sigh at her parental figures.
“Seriously people. You call yourselves my parents? Even I know to communicate, even if it’s just slamming doors. Sheesh,” she said, before starting to walk away. She stopped dead in her tracks, turned to the two of them and said, “By the way, I will be spending tonight at Dina’s. You two should be alone, and… erm… ‘talk’,” she said cheekily, before running off.
Alone at last, Joel and Maddie stayed silent for a while, both awkwardly shuffling their feet while looking at anything their eyes would land on but each other. Joel finally broke the tension, taking her hand, leading her to a bench in front of the clinic. Ellie was right, it’s time they finally talked. Sitting side by side, they shared what Vanessa had been doing as far as they knew.
***
Vanessa’s poison ran deep. She had always been friendly with everyone on the patrol team but set her eyes on Joel from the moment he arrived. She saw how closed up and private he was, so she spent the first couple of months being friendly to him, just a partner, patrolling together, idle chit chats while on duty. Eventually, she managed to get him to talk about Maddie and Ellie, and she saw how Maddie was her main competitor for his affection.
She got him to trust her, be his confidant, as much of a confidant as one can be for the very private Joel Miller. Encouraged him to tell Maddie about his feelings. She listened to him and acted all excited when he told her she had agreed to go out for drinks with him.
She took advantage of Maddie’s absence during her care for Mr. Crushed-by-his-Fridge. Be all buddy-buddy with him, all dressed up, while subtly becoming more and more physical with him. A touch here, a hug there, a head on the shoulder here, an arm around his there… friendly, but friendlier than usual.
She planted the idea of Maddie and Marcus in his head. Joel didn’t bite, so she changed tactics.
She planted the idea of her and Joel in Maddie’s head. She asked her to “do a girl a solid” and let the two of them have some “alone time”. She knew clinic staff stayed at the apartment above the clinic sometimes.
Vanessa ‘accidentally’ ran into him early in the morning the next day, Joel out of his mind with worry because he had just realized that Maddie did not come home that night. She told him she saw her going up to the apartment. She hit the jackpot when Marcus was there too. Now Joel was devastated, heartbroken that Maddie had found someone else.
Vanessa offered her couch, or even her bed for him to stay at, so Maddie and Marcus can have some alone time, they were a new couple after all. He was broken-hearted but decided to stay out of the house for a bit, but not at Vanessa’s. He chose the keeper’s room at the stable instead, sleeping there for almost a week, worried that he might react badly if Marcus came to the house.
Joel still refused her advances on him, insisting that they are only patrol partners. So, she upped her game plan. She subtly pushed the idea of her and Joel being together to Maria and Ellie. Maybe they will start saying her name more to him, be supportive of the idea, this would somehow push Joel into entertaining the idea of them being together.
The plan backfired. Instead of pushing Joel towards Vanessa, Ellie acted out, unhappy that her ‘parents’ were avoiding each other. Joel and Maddie stayed together for Ellie’s sake, rather than separating.
As a last-ditch effort, Vanessa concocted the delusional plan that she and Joel were planning to move in together, effectively planting the idea that Joel wanted her in, and Maddie out. The Ellie and the garage conversation was just an unplanned bonus, but the plan worked. Maddie was hurt enough to distance herself further from Joel, making him feel defeated. To Vanessa’s detriment, Joel still wouldn’t see her as more than a friend.
So, when she saw him injured at the clinic, she took the opportunity to give Joel some PDA to push in Maddie’s face, and Marcus coming in to protect Maddie helped convince Joel further that they really were together. But instead of being sad and finally giving in to Vanessa's advances, Joel chose to just be 'happy' for Maddie, just the way Maddie was for him. Even after all that, Joel stood firm - he was not interested in Vanessa like that. She had asked him to go to the Bison as her date, but he refused. She was determined to stick to Joel that night, never letting him go out of her sight, knowing he was too much of a gentleman to push her away in public. He had refused to dance with her at all, his eyes fixed on Maddie, who spent the entire night dancing merrily in Marcus’s arms. Vanessa kept mentioning what a lovely couple they were, Joel now obviously believing that Maddie and Marcus were indeed a couple. She was convinced that he will give in - just a little more time. All seemed to be going her way.
That was, until Francis walked in.
***
The two took deep breaths together, angry at themselves for letting themselves be fooled by this poisonous woman.
“We need to communicate better,” Joel said, shaking his head in disbelief, chuckling a little at the stupidity of it all.
Maddie could only nod in agreement, feeling drained and stupid for letting these lies cloud her judgments. But… something was missing. She looked at him questioningly,
“Wait, so if you were never with Vanessa, who were you with? I heard you having sex, Joel. I ran out so fast my feet almost caught fire.”
Joel frowned, searching his mind, trying to figure out what she was talking about. He hadn’t had se… oh no… God no… his face turned red at the realisation of what she heard. Words formed in his mind, trying to explain the situation she was referring to, one where he thought he was alone in the house for, but broken, disconnected words were all he managed to get out,
“Erm… sex? I haven’t had… not since… erm… I was not having sex… I was… erm… well… wait, you didn’t happen to hear your name too, did you?” his ears were now so red she could see the colour change even in the dim lighting of the sidewalk.
Realisation dawned on Maddie’s face, turning red on its own accord. Both of their faces now red hot from embarrassment, laughing softly. They continued sitting there, shoulders almost touching, their bodies swaying together to the faraway music from the square.
“So… you are not with Marcus?” Joel finally asked, a small smile on his blushing face.
Maddie smiled shyly, shaking her head slightly. “And you, you are not with Vanessa?” she asked him back.
“Never,” he said, shuffling closer to her. “I actually have a huge crush on my roommate,” he said, turning his body towards her, offering her his hands, “In fact, I am certain that I am in love with her.”
Maddie took his hands in hers, tears falling down on her cheeks. Joel kissed them away silently, putting his forehead on hers, whispering her name.
“Don’t cry, baby. Please don’t cry,” he said quietly, before taking her face in his hands, bringing her lips to his own, kissing her for the first time.
He held her tight, arms surrounding her, never wanting to let go. She wrapped her arms around his neck, fingers caressing his curls, sighing contentedly into the kiss. He deepened the kiss, swallowing her moans as she melted into his body. He stopped himself before the kiss turned desperate, very much aware they were on a sidewalk in front of the clinic, in perfect view of the townsfolk who were still going to the Bison. He took her by the hand, interlacing his fingers with hers, and asked her if he could take her home.
“My apartment is just through that door,” she whispered in his ears, pointing to the door behind him.
Joel’s body tensed. Without saying another word, he lifted her up bridal style, earning a shriek from her, and carried her up the stairs to the small apartment. He kicked the door closed before placing her gently on the twin bed in the middle of the room. He joined her on the bed, hovering over her, not caring that the bed was far too small for the both of them.
“Joel, your arm, we shouldn’t,” Maddie began, but he silenced her with a long, deep kiss.
“So, I hear you are in love with your roommate,” Maddie said. Joel chuckled shyly, his nose rubbing against hers. “Well guess what?” she asked, as he raised an eyebrow at her. “I’m in love with my roommate too,” she told him. His face lit up, and he claimed her lips again.
Joel didn’t want to leave any room for Maddie to doubt his desire for her that night. He took her slowly, thoroughly, his lips and tongue covering every bit of skin he unraveled when undressing her, leaving her moaning, squirming and breathless before she was even naked. When he finally took her soaked underwear off, the growl he let out had her wondering if he was secretly some sort of an animal, and boy oh boy was he one. He devoured her like he was some famished man who had spent his days peeking longingly into the window of a high-class restaurant he couldn’t possibly afford, ravenous from the deprivation of the ultimate feast that seemed unreachable for him until that very moment - her. Joel’s name became a prayer, ranging from desperate whiny whispers all the way to full blown screams that became hoarser and hoarser as the night went on. Maddie swore she saw God at least three times before his shirt was even off, shocked that he still had a full head of those beautiful curls from how hard she was pulling at them, legs shaking, chest heaving, her entire body flushed from the pleasure he had given her.
When she had calmed down, she climbed atop him, slowly torturing him with soft kisses, kitten licks and caresses, taking her time exploring his body, beginning from his eyebrows, going further and further down until he was so hard his entire body was shaking uncontrollably, his brain deprived from all the blood it needed, his words slurred and mumbled. She was amazed by the power she had over him at that moment – Joel Miller, the resident town grump, the man who ran amok through an entire hospital to save his daughter, the heroic alpha who could slash his way through bands of clickers and raiders alike – reduced to babbling nonsensical mumbo jumbo that almost had her giggling from satisfaction. When she slowly lowered his boxers, she blew softly on his unraveled manhood, leaving him gasping for air, his trembling body suddenly stock still from the pleasure a simple puff of air provided. She wet her lips, her mouth watering at the sight, and lowered her head to finally, finally taste him. But before she could even touch him, his hands stopped her, his body flipping her onto her back. He placed his head on her chest, telling her in a strained voice with much certainty that if she were to touch him at that moment, he would spontaneously combust.
Slowly, with their lips locked together in a passionate kiss, he entered her, inch by impressive inch, pulling back slightly, going deeper with each tortuously slow thrust, until he stilled, whispering to her between kisses that he needed a moment, fully encased in her warmth, his thick tip nudging at a spot Maddie never knew existed until now. She forgot how to breathe, her entire body responding to this much welcomed and long overdue union, the coil in her belly bubbling hot just from this one initial nudge, her insides involuntarily clenching to find release. He almost screamed, before composing himself, taking deep breaths, shutting his eyes from her reaction. He begged her, pleaded with her not to move, not to clench, his entire body straining from trying not to burst, his arms holding her tight, his face, neck and chest red from the effort, his teeth gritted, his eyes shut tight, beads of sweat glistening all over his beautiful face. She in turn was begging him over and over to forgive her, her body wasn’t listening to his pleas. She’s sorry, she’s sorry, she’s so very sorry, she couldn’t help it. Despite him not moving at all, she was too close, too hungry, too desperate for release, her core continuously squeezing him so tightly, milking him for all he had to give her, pulsating around him again and again until her entire body shook with unmitigated pleasure, stars bursting behind her eyes, sending her to heaven and back, a silent scream releasing from her open mouth, her hands clutching at his back, her vision whitened, her ears ringing, taking him with her to nirvana.
When she could finally breathe again, the room was quiet, save for their quivering breaths. His body was slumped over hers, his head in the crook of her neck. She held him tight, her fingers absentmindedly drawing circles on his back, a satisfied smile on her face. The silence was finally broken by his muffled voice, mumbled into her neck, before he managed to muster the energy to lift his head, his face red from embarrassment, having finished so early, inciting giggles from her. He buried his face in her neck again, mortified by his body’s betrayal, while she kept assuring him between sweet kisses that he had nothing to be embarrassed about. After all, she said, there’s always the next time. Wiggling his eyebrows, he kissed her with a smile, and promised vehemently that he would make up for it.
And after a short rest, he did make up for it, again and again that night. He made up for it again on Sunday morning despite complaining that the small bed had fucked his back, again after breakfast, while packing, showering, once more before leaving that evening, and one more time for good measure when he finally took her home, to their now shared bedroom.
***
The very tired but glowing couple walked to the clinic Monday morning, fingers entwined with one another’s. Maddie was due to start her shift, and Joel’s back and arm needed looking at, his back extremely sore and some of his stitches ripped from… unplanned strenuous activities. They were greeted by a very annoyed looking Marcus, a bucket of cleaning supplies at his feet. He complained that the apartment smelt like sex, unable to hide the smile behind his faux annoyance. So, Maddie’s sole duty for the day was to sanitize that apartment top to bottom, so that Marcus could actually get his rest there when needed without having to worry about… contamination.
As delusional as Vanessa had been in her concoction of her torrid sexcapades with Joel, she was right about one thing. The man may be middle aged, but he was young where it counted. The man was insatiable. Ever since that Saturday night, he couldn’t leave Maddie alone, hands constantly on her. Whenever they were in the same room, a part of him must be touching her at all times. A hand on her thigh, his little finger hooked on hers, his chest on her back, his arm around her shoulder, his fingers interlaced with hers, his chin on her shoulder, his arms around her waist, and those were when there were others around. When alone, those ‘innocent’ (his words, not hers) touches were always accompanied by his lips on her person, his talented tongue joining in on the action not long after. And well, the rest… followed.
Ellie made sure to knock as loudly as she could before going into any room in the house now, even open areas like the corridor, the living room or the kitchen, using anything she could use to make as much noise as she could, eyes closed tight until Joel or Maddie responded, her mind still haunted by what she saw when she walked in on her parents going at it like rabbits on the couch, which she steadfastly refused to sit on now, even after they made a show of thoroughly cleaning it in front of her.
“It’s the mental image of it, guys, you’re gonna have to scrub my actual brain to get rid of that,” she exclaimed, “Can’t believe you mowed down an entire hospital to save me, and then let me go through THAT…” she mumbled under her breath, shaking her head. “Let’s erm… get the ‘me moving into the garage bit’ going yeah? So, I don’t fear for my mental health much longer?” The girl had been through literal and figurative hell and back, and walking in on her parents having sex was still the worst thing she had ever seen.
Their life and routines together flourished. As far as Jackson were concerned, they were a family. Sure, the ladies still ogled Joel like he was a popsicle on a hot day, but Maddie now knew for sure that he only had eyes for her.
Vanessa had been taken out of Joel’s patrol team and placed on wall duty, partnered with only women, most of whom acted like she wasn’t there unless needed. Life hadn’t been easy for her since that night. Word of her scheming had spread like wildfire, and the ladies of Jackson, even the single ones, avoided her like the plague, worried she would go after their men. Even the men avoided her - save for some shameless lecherous ones who only wanted one thing from her – worried that they would be trapped by her. Safe to say that any hopes for her to settle down and have a family was long gone.
She in turn, avoided the Millers as much as she could, turning around and going another direction whenever she saw them. She couldn’t avoid going to the clinic when she needed treatment, but she had no choice. Thankfully, Maddie and Marcus were much too classy to treat her like a leper, her shame was enough of a punishment without them having to add to it.
***
A year later, Ellie ran into the house in such a rush she didn’t have time to knock, running upstairs, barging into her parents’ room with her eyes closed tight, a hectic scrambling on the bed letting her know she had been right to do so.
“Guys, Tommy sent me, Maria’s in labour!” she yelled.
Maddie and Joel dressed quickly, Maddie telling Ellie to go get Marcus.
“Tommy already went to get him. And eww Maddie, wash your hands! God knows what part of Joel you just touched,” she squirmed, eyes still closed shut. She turned around to leave, muttering under her breath, “With all your canoodling I am shocked Maria’s having a baby and not you…”
Joel and Maddie looked at each other, a knowing smile on their faces.
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acrylicgummybears · 3 days ago
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Fuck anxiety in its stupid face
Anyway, after one week, I became exhausted and collapsed
And I’m so tired this is how I feel all the time on the inside
Nooooo one cares but it’s important to share ur story in you might help bring awareness…..
I don’t know if it is just mental and emotional exhaustion, or if it’s from being extremely nutritionally deficient
I’m drinking lots of water and taking vitamins in their liquid form, and trying my best to eat despite my stomach rejects everything known to man
My brain and body aren’t working right and, I’m living in a circumstance that is doing more harm than good,
As things worsen, I reach my wits end time and time again. This time in tears I begged for help in a way. Normally this never helps, and just leaves me with a head ache, so I learned to stop doing it knowing it would result in lack of understanding and disappointment
But I genuinely couldn’t hold back the tears… explaining as best I could, what is happening to me,
And he finally offered to give me a budget
After I suffered for years-
I don’t blame them. It’s not their fault.
But sometimes people are unwell, and need all the help they can get.
I’m good at pretending I don’t need anything, and that everything is fine. Until I reach this point of collapse.
That I promise… isn’t on purpose. I
… after everything I’ve been through, I am just so tired
And I need some serious rest and serious time to recover from whatever this is
Maybe it’s Lyme disease, I don’t know, maybe it’s just natural burn out
All I know is whenever I get the chance to go on vacation, instead of enjoying the outdoors, I usually spend it sleeping for a week straight
And I’m thankful for the peace and the time to do so
To rest without feeling guilty
Why am I so tired I don’t know, I need doctors help
For a long time…. So what am I supposed to do
To afford all this rest, and health care- quality care… it’s all a luxury
I sleep far too much just recovering from the mental distress I’d been going through
I know there’s more I need to do to heal and grow but right now all I can do is rest
And this is part of the process that to most
Looks like laziness.
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impactrueno · 1 day ago
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I am not a fan of family coded labels slapped on non family members characters in fictional media that's been really popular the past few years. Putting aside the obvious harassment, like the way it goes south if they are shipped on tiktok or twitter, the characters canon non-family relationship is not appreciated or analysed properly. I swear you could have fun with the characters dynamic without attaching family coded labels on them.
right! this is what i've been saying for so long, we gotta appreciate platonic dynamics more.
the thing is this happens a lot with characters where shipping them is considered problematic, so people force these family coded labels onto them to keep others from shipping them or mistaking them for a shipper. it doesn't work. and in beetlejuice and lydia's case, it only makes their already weird dynamic even creepier because now you have your uncle/brother figure trying to force you to marry him. it's why i can't get behind it. i usually don't really care that much otherwise but i'm seeing so many people shoot themselves in the foot with this one lol
no offense to fans who like familial dynamics on them though, it brings comfort to some people and that's completely valid. from what i've seen they usually they simply ignore the whole marriage thing and focus on their own take on the characters. all i'm saying is it's important to remember that not everyone perceives these characters the same way as you, you can't assume otherwise
all of this just to say, hey, let's consider the third option: platonic bonds. they rule. there's so much potential and they are so underrated. not every dynamic has to be either romantic or familial, that's incredibly limiting
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remusicals · 3 days ago
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It was about this time last year where I got a last second email from Matthew Patrick informing me he’d had an Ollie-related change of plans and needed to reschedule filming. He was super apologetic, but he hardly needed to be. Even (especially?) on set, things happen. Family comes first.
But it was indeed a wrinkle. We’d set up around a filming schedule for Nathan Sharp (who also famously Wants To Battle), and his own shooting calendar was now running headlong into MatPat’s proposed shoot dates. How could we accommodate the meticulous schedules of two important guest stars while still capturing every shot we needed?
It turns out, with great flexibility from them, and quite a lot of fun!
Matt headed straight to set with us only hours after wrapping up his Thankmas appearance, and was there to great Nate at our door partway through the day. Given the holiday season and travel involved, it was like a nostalgic little reunion. Honestly, we should have taken more behind the scenes photos and video throughout the day, but it probably would have strained the otherwise organic, wholesome opportunity of spending a day together. Besides, there were a lot of shots to get through.
Now, a year later, that footage has mostly been edited and released across four new episodes of ‘FNAF: THE MUSICAL,’ and it honestly feels forever ago that these two were in our (other) house, running lines and testing blocking. I wonder how they’re doing right now? I guess the fact that I haven’t checked up on them says what kind of friend I am! 😂
I don’t know when — or if — I’ll ever get MatPat and NWTB back on set together again, but I hope it happens. For as stressful as coordinating them turned out, it was still a little magical having them back. 🥹 I think we could all use that extra magic and nostalgia sometimes, and it’s wonderful to make things that — occasionally — help provide it. ❤️
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fatgirlonadate-blog · 23 hours ago
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21 Days - Day 16
You're on a secret mission today. No, not the undercover surveillance mission - do you even care about that one at this point?
This is a much more important mission - a covert operation.
It is unlike any you have ever faced before. And it will demand every ounce of feminine charm you possess—though, admittedly, that's not a lot.
You don't exactly have a ton of experience with this. But you’re not part of the UNICORNS for nothing; you're brave, resourceful, and determined. You've fought hundreds of Wanderers and survived multiple attempts on your life.
So bedding a ~400-year-old virgin should be easy, right?
Right???
You’ve never thought of yourself as sexy—or even especially attractive—so you feel a bit foolish as you slip into the lingerie you bought just for this occasion. The black lace clings to every curve as if it were specifically made for you, yet somehow it makes you feel even more vulnerable than if you were completely naked. It highlights all of the spots that Xavier seems particularly fond of kissing - the curves of your breasts, your stomach, and the swell of your hips. The delicate strip of lace that fits snug between your thighs barely covers you, leaving almost nothing to the imagination.
You tug at the almost nonexistent scraps of fabric, hoping they will somehow expand and conceal more of your skin, but it’s useless. 
Why did you ever think this was a good idea? You feel every bit the awkward, blushing virgin, not the confident sex kitten you'd hoped to be.
Please, God, don't let him laugh when he sees it.
You quickly throw on some clothes—Xavier’s oversized red sweater and a pair of black leggings—before you can second-guess yourself and take it all off. You leave your hair loose and natural, adding a light spritz of vanilla perfume to your neck and wrists. You keep the makeup minimal, opting for a touch of lip gloss and a light sweep of mascara—just enough to accentuate your best features. 
The goal is to look pretty, but still casual enough to lure this elusive bunny into your trap.
You take a final look in the mirror, exhaling a deep breath as you brace yourself. This is either going to be the best night of your life or really, really embarrassing.
Either way, Operation: Seduce Xavier - All the Way has officially begun. It's too late to back out now.
You know you can't rush these things; if it's meant to happen, it will, and you would never force it. But you're pretty sure that, despite his old-fashioned ways, he wants to take this next step with you. He just needs a little nudge to push him over the edge.
The timing for this feels either just right or completely wrong - with nothing in between. Despite your efforts to put on a happy face last night, Xavier could see right through you. He knew something was wrong the moment you walked in the door, and you'd spent most of the night trying to reassure him that you were fine. 
He knew better, but he finally let it go before bed, cuddling you with a tenderness that weighed heavy on your heart.
He has his secrets, and now you have yours.
If you were being brutally honest, your mission today is about more than just pent up attraction.
Seeing Rafayel has made you desperate to solidify your connection with Xavier; to feel for him what you felt in just five seconds with Raf. It was just one kiss - and yet, somehow, it was as if your heart remembered his the moment your lips touched. 
But that's stupid, isn't it? The stuff of fairy tales. That doesn't happen in real life.
The feeling was more intense than it had any right to be, and you cannot make sense of it. It’s not as if you were ever truly together, so there's no reason for this to knock you off-balance the way that it has. Yet somehow, closing the door on a future with Rafayel has sparked a hunger within you—a craving that only one man can satisfy.
And today just happens to be that man's birthday.
Birthday sex is not cliché, is it?
Hell, it probably is, but you’re determined to make this the most unforgettable birthday Xavier has ever had. It's not just another day. It could be a first - for both of you.
And it all begins now. You square your shoulders, take a deep breath, and walk into the living room with more confidence than you actually feel.
Xavier is sprawled on the couch, engrossed in The Little Prince , absentmindedly munching on a bag of chips. He looks cozy in his gray sweatpants and loose white t-shirt, his messy hair falling across his forehead. A slight crease forms between his brows as he reads, completely lost in the story.
You’d given him the book and a card for his birthday—a little diversion, a little compromise. He’d mentioned that he usually spends the day reading and enjoying a good meal, so you’d spent the morning making him breakfast in bed, followed by a cozy afternoon curled up reading on the couch together. All in all, it was a good way to spend the day.
But now it's time for the real birthday to start.
"How's my little prince?" you ask, sinking onto the couch beside him and snuggling against his side.
Xavier groans but pulls you closer, wrapping his arm around you. "You cannot start calling me that."
"And why not?" You ask, poking him in the chest. "You don't like it?"
"No," Xavier shakes his head, his voice losing some of its teasing tone. "Not that one."
You glance at him curiously, surprised that he sounds serious. You've never known him to be picky about pet names. In fact, you're pretty sure he secretly loves them.
"Alright," you say slowly. "Then how about Xavie? Xay Xay? Xavie baby?"
Xavier scrunches up his nose, making a disapproving noise.
"Not those either? Okay, fine. You leave me no choice," you say with a playful grin. "Birthday Bunny it is."
He lets out a sound somewhere between a laugh and a groan, and sets the book aside to pull you into a kiss.
"One day," he agrees, peppering your cheeks and nose with small kisses. "You can call me that for one day a year."
"Every October 16th," you nod, grinning. "Got it. That means... 6 hours until I have to stop using it. We better get to work."
"Get to work?" He raises an eyebrow at you, confused.
"I have a surprise for you," you whisper, stealing a kiss from his lips that was meant for your cheek. "It's something sweet."
"Hmm," he hums, pretending to be deep in thought. 
"This surprise wouldn't have anything to do with all of the ingredients you bought yesterday, would it? Flour, and sugar, and candy,” he lists off. “All of the things someone might need to make a...cake?"
Xavier doesn’t bother hiding his smile, and his starburst eyes sparkle with amusement.
"Xavier Shen!" You gasp, though there's no real surprise in your voice. You hadn't exactly been stealthy. "I told you not to look in those bags!"
"It was an accident," he says, his smile growing wider. "I'm clumsy. I tripped and my face landed right in the bags. It hurt a lot."
"You are a huge, really old, terrible liar," you say, attempting to scowl, but your laughter spills out as you pinch his cheek.
He laughs with you, tilting his face away from your playful fingers, then stands up from the couch.
"Do I get to help?" He asks, reaching down to offer you a hand.
He pulls you up with such enthusiasm that you stumble into him with a giggle. "Of course! It's your birthday; it's your cake. I'm just here to supervise."
He struggles to pout past his smile, "I don't need supervision."
You give him a sidelong glance, smirking, but decide not to mention the last time he nearly burned down the apartment complex. After all, it is his birthday. You can let that one slide.
You and Xavier work together to mix the ingredients for a simple, round white cake. You walk him through greasing the cake pan and adding the batter, though you bite your tongue when you notice he’s overfilled it. It probably won’t matter, you remind yourself, and the main goal is for him to enjoy the process. Still, while he’s distracted, browsing through the cake decorations, you quietly adjust the oven to the correct temperature.
There will be no Xavier kitchen disasters on your watch. At least, not today.
As the cake bakes, you seize the opportunity to set your plan in motion. 
You start by casually brushing against him while arranging the decorating supplies, trying to catch his attention. When that doesn’t seem to do the trick, you intentionally knock over an oven mitt and bend down to pick it up, doing so slowly to make sure he notices the way your leggings cling to your ass as your sweater rides up. You think you've finally gotten his attention, but when he looks over, all he does is smile and return to scooping icing into piping bags, completely unfazed.
What the hell? Does he really love cooking that much? 
In movies and cheesy romance novels, this kind of thing always works. You can’t help feeling a bit silly now. You’d hoped that if you kept him worked up throughout the day, he wouldn’t be able to resist you tonight. But, apparently, none of this works on him. He's either too oblivious or too innocent to even notice.
As the sweet scent of cake fills the apartment, you slip onto the stool beside him at the bar counter, pulling a half-empty bowl of icing closer to inspect it. He’d mixed it himself while you were busy trying to play seductress, and it actually looks perfect. Smooth and creamy, just the right thickness for piping.
Xavier glances over, flashing you a grin, and dips his finger into the icing before bringing it to your lips. "Try it. I think I got it right."
Your stomach does a little flip as you open your mouth, and he slides his finger in. The icing is rich and sweet, with the perfect balance of butter and sugar, and you trace your tongue along his finger, making sure to get every last bit.
His eyes, locked on your mouth, grow darker as you attempt to tease him by sucking gently.
"Do you like it?" He asks, rubbing his finger against your tongue before slowly withdrawing it.
His voice has dropped to a low, suggestive tone that makes your heartbeat quicken, and suddenly, you're not sure if he's talking about the icing or something else entirely. But that hardly matters—you may not be a good seductress, but you still know an opportunity when you see one.
"Um, I don't know," you stammer, as you feel your own cheeks start to heat up. "I need to taste it again. Just to be sure."
His eyes linger on your mouth, flick to the bowl, and then drift back to your lips. He dips two fingers into the icing, and then lifts them back up to your parted lips. But instead of feeding you, he smirks and smears the icing from the corner of your mouth to the side of your cheek, leaving a playful, sticky line in his wake.
You're surprised for only half a second before you laugh and swat at him. "Xav! You did not!"
He catches your wrist in his hand with ease, and tugs you closer. "Hold still." He laughs, "I think you might have gotten some on your face."
"Oh, you think?"
"Yeah, don't know how that happened," he says under his breath, moving his other hand to the back of your neck to pull you in for a kiss.
His lips press gently against yours, and he teases away the smear of icing on your lips with his tongue. You part your mouth for him, and he deepens the kiss. It's sweet and warm, and leaves you wanting more as he pulls back to wipe the icing off of your cheek.
He sucks the sticky residue off his thumb, and you feel a warm ache between your thighs at the sight.
Does he do that on purpose? He must. He must know.
"It's good," he says, a smile spreading across his face. "Not too sweet. Just right."
You're contemplating whether or not you could move fast enough to smear icing all over his face as payback when the oven timer goes off with a loud beep. He turns away before you get the chance, slipping on oven mitts and carefully easing open the oven door.
You hold your breath as Xavier pulls the cake out and sets the warm pan down on the counter to cool. It has risen just over the pan’s edges, but it is a perfect golden brown color and has baked evenly across.
"It looks so good!" You praise, feeling genuinely impressed and relieved. 
It does look good. Better than you could have hoped for.
Xavier's smile borders on brilliant as he looks between you and the cake, and it’s so heartwarming that you’d do anything to keep that starlight in his eyes forever. In this moment, you think—if there’s any purpose to life, maybe this one is yours.
As the cake cools, you move on to the decorations and present him with his options. You know stars are kind of his whole thing, but you couldn't resist picking out something that might make him laugh.
"Okay. Biggest decision of the night," you say, holding up an item in each hand. "Bunnies or stars?"
Xavier rolls his eyes, taking the small, marshmallow bunny from your hand and inspecting it with a smile. "You're really not going to let this bunny thing go, are you?"
"Why would I? You're my birthday bunny for...I don't know...5 more hours?"
He laughs and shakes his head, "Alright. Let's do both."
"Both?"
"Yeah," he nods, placing the marshmallow back into your hand. "Bunnies and stars belong together, don't they?"
"You're right," you say softly, a feeling of warmth blooming inside of your chest. "They do."
It’s such a simple statement, light and playful, nothing that has to mean anything. Just harmless flirting - not something you should take so seriously. But you’re losing yourself in him, and finding love in every word, every breath, every glance. 
You’re certain he must feel it too—but does he feel it the way you do?
Together, you and Xavier pipe delicate blue and purple swirls of buttercream all over the cake until it's fully covered in icing. You scatter small candy stars over the top, and add one white marshmallow bunny and one yellow star to the center. It’s far from a professional finish and the colors do not exactly go together, but that only adds to its charm.
You made it together; it was always going to be perfect.
"Only one candle?" Xavier asks, rifling through the bag of decorations and pulling out a singular, white candle.
"Yeah," you reply slowly, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot. "I thought... well, hundreds would be too many for one cake, and... it's your first birthday with me. You know, the first one we’re spending together."
It seemed like a good idea at the time, but now you feel a little stupid saying it out loud. It was supposed to be a sweet gesture, but your reasoning sounds embarrassingly naive and kind of cheesy.
Xavier’s eyes shine with warmth as he leans in, gently tilting your chin to meet his gaze. He presses a light kiss to the corner of your mouth, then a second, deeper kiss to your lips. 
"It’s the first one that has ever mattered. One candle is perfect."
You bite your lip to keep your feelings from tumbling out of your mouth. It's the first one that has ever mattered because it matters to you - and you matter to him. 
And you may just tell him exactly how you feel if you open your mouth, so instead you simply nod.
Together, the two of you complete the final touches on the cake. Xavier gently nestles the candle into the icing while you search for a lighter.
"Got it," you say, pulling it from the kitchen drawer before returning to his side, standing over the cake together. "Do you know what you’re going to wish for?"
"I do, yeah."
With your eyes on Xavier, you light the candle, and a little flame flares to life. You watch as he leans in to blow it out, and try to etch every detail of this moment into your memory.
"Should I sing?"
Xavier laughs, his eyes finding yours as he wraps an arm around your waist. "I would like that."
Blushing, you awkwardly clear your throat and launch into the most off-key rendition of the birthday song ever sung. He watches you with a smile so warm it makes your cheeks burn even brighter.
As your song comes to an end, he laces his fingers with yours, lifting your hand to his lips and pressing a soft, tender kiss to the back of it.
"Do you want to know what I wished for?"
"No!" You say quickly, laughing as you smile up at him. "You can't tell me. It will ruin the birthday magic."
He gives you a tender smile, his hand cradling your cheek as his thumb brushes softly against your skin. 
"I don’t need magic to make this wish come true; I just need you." His voice is gentle, his eyes searching yours before he continues. "After this, let's spend every year together."
It's a wish and a request - all at once. You’ve never felt happier as you whisper a soft yes against his lips, and seal your promise with a kiss.
"What did you wish for?" he asks, breaking the kiss just long enough to pose the question.
"Me?" You ask, confusion knitting your brows.
"It's our first birthday together," he says, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. "Don't you get to make a wish, too?"
You smile at him, shaking your head. "That's not how birthdays work, bunny. Only one person gets to make a wish when they blow out the candles."
He thinks for a long moment, his expression unreadable, before it melts into an excited grin. "Come on," he says, "We'll start a new birthday tradition."
Before you can even ask, he’s already pulling you down the hall, and guiding you out onto the bedroom balcony.
You shiver as the cool night air greets you, and he pulls you close, wrapping his arms around you from behind. You lean into his warmth, waiting for him to explain what this new tradition could be.
When he remains silent, and all you can see is the sleepy, darkened neighborhood, you turn your head to look at him, raising an eyebrow in a silent question.
"Look up," he whispers against your ear.
You turn your eyes to the night sky, where only the moon and stars are reflected back at you. Then, a small glimmer of light streaks past, disappearing as quickly as it came. Another follows, then another, and another. A small shower of bright trails light up the sky, leaving a brief shimmers behind them.
"It's so pretty," you whisper, more to yourself than to him.
It takes you a moment longer than it should to realize that he's doing this. That those are his falling stars, and they're all for you.
"Make a wish," he says, pressing a kiss against your hair. "I'll make it come true."
It’s beautiful—absolutely breathtaking; a sight few people will ever get to see. But it’s not the pretty lights dancing across the sky that have left you feeling breathless. It's him.
He’s offering you a wish, a promise to make it come true. And without a single doubt, you know he’d do anything to keep that promise for you.
You begin to tremble in his arms as warmth spreads from your heart and fills every inch of you with absolute certainty. You understand, suddenly, how very dumb you have been today. You weren't craving intimacy and unbridled passion. Not really.
No, this feeling—this pure, unshaken faith and limitless hope for the future—is the feeling you’ve been seeking all along.
You’d wondered if what you felt yesterday could ever be matched, and now you know that it can't.
Because this is not a match; it's an eclipse. It’s not the same, and you wouldn't want it to be.
It is wildly, beautifully, utterly different.
Kissing Rafayel had felt like drowning—like being crushed by a wave of memories from the past that were too intense and passionate to understand. 
But this, wrapped in Xavier's arms as he lights the night sky with unspoken promises, feels like catching a glimpse of your future.
This isn’t a brutal, inescapable tide that pulls you under and leaves you gasping for air. It’s the warm, secure comfort of finally coming home after being lost for far too long.
"I love you," you whisper, wishes and stars forgotten as you turn in his arms to face him.
Xavier cradles your face in his hands, his gaze filling with wonder, as though you hold his entire universe in your eyes.
"Say it again."
"You didn't hear me?" You ask softly.
"Just say it again."
"I love you, Xavier," You repeat, your pulse racing.
He releases a long, unsteady breath, his body trembling under your fingers as a tender, vulnerable smile lights up his face.
"I love you, too." He says, his voice strained with pent up emotion. "I've always loved you."
He said it back; it's real. Your heart has either stopped beating entirely or it's just racing so fast that you can't tell one beat from the next.
You’re not sure who moves first, but suddenly your arms are around his neck, and before you can fully process it, he lifts you into his arms and pulls you into a kiss. It’s impossibly gentle, and he holds you as if you are the most precious, delicate thing he's ever touched.
"Because of you," Xavier says, his eyes brimming with affection as he looks up at you, "I've started to feel emotions I've never felt before. And I've done a lot of things I wouldn't normally do. I didn't know it could feel like this."
Tears of happiness blur your vision, and you nod, understanding exactly what he means because you feel it, too.
"You mean everything to me," you whisper, your voice trembling as you struggle to find the right words. "You're all I want, Xav. I'm all yours."
"And I'm yours. Completely." He says, his voice low and sure, and the sky above brightens as a cascade of shooting stars streak across the night.
He wipes a happy tear from your cheek as he gently sets you back on your feet, and you laugh - overwhelmed and elated in equal measure.
You know it’s probably too soon to say these things, to feel these things. It makes no sense how he’s captured your heart so quickly, or how you seem to hold his just as tightly. 
But there has never been any logic in love; you either feel it or you don't. And right now, it's the only thing you can feel.
"I love you," you say again, hugging him close, still in awe that you get to say it out loud.
"One more time."
"I love you, I love you, I love you," you chant, smiling against his chest.
"I could never get tired of hearing you say that," he says, laughing softly.
"I've wanted to tell you that for a while now," you admit.
"I've wanted to say it for much longer."
"It's not a competition, bunny."
"No," he agrees, still smiling, "But if it were, I'd win."
"How do you know that? Maybe I've been madly in love with you for months." You counter.
His smile wavers, his expression turning thoughtful. He opens his mouth as if to say something but stops, shaking his head gently before finally saying, "You'll have to trust me on this one."
You know that look; you recognize that hesitancy, but you pretend not to as he leads you back inside the apartment. His hesitation doesn’t unsettle you the way it used to. You do trust him, now more than ever, and there's nothing that could rob you of the happiness you feel tonight.
The cake ended up tasting even better than it looked, and you praised him with exaggerated moans and hums of delight as you shared it together. His blushes and half-hearted complaints over your dramatics faded into laughter, and before long, his laughter became your own as he chased you from the kitchen to the living room.
You laugh and squirm as he pins you to the couch, his fingers relentlessly tickling your sides. When his hands brush against your sweater, grazing the lingerie beneath, you fall silent as the memory of your plan for the night springs to mind. 
It doesn’t seem as important now, but that doesn’t change the fact that you still want him—perhaps even more than before. Just not for the same reason.
You love him, and you want him to feel that love in every possible way.
Xavier stops his playful assault once he notices you've gone quiet, and his fingers still to a caress as he takes in your expression.
"I know that look," he teases, looking down at you. "What are you planning?"
"Planning? Me? Nothing." You say innocently, even as you start to blush. "I was just thinking that now that the birthday bunny has had his cake, he might want to open his present."
Xavier tilts his head to the side, giving you a confused look. "Didn't I already open my present?"
"Not this one. There's one more. It's...hidden somewhere. You'll have to find it."
"Hidden?" He scans the living room and small dining room before his eyes drift back to yours.
A slow smile spreads across his face, "Hmm. Not in here," he murmurs, and leans down to nuzzle your neck. "I wonder where it could be?"
He kisses and sucks a sensitive spot below your ear, and your pulse races as he nudges your thighs apart.
"Is it in the bedroom?" He suggests, his mouth moving down your neck as he settles his weight on top of you.
You hadn’t really thought about how to show him this particular gift, and now, with his hands on you, you're too distracted to think of anything clever. But the way he’s already touching you tells you that he won't have any trouble figuring it out on his own.
"No, not in the bedroom," you whisper. "It's somewhere much closer."
"Much closer," he mumbles against your neck, his hand slipping under your sweater to trail up your stomach. His fingers tease along the edge of your bra before he gently squeezes your breast.
"This close?" He asks, rocking his hips against yours.
"Getting warmer," you gasp, feeling the hard outline of him pressing against you through the fabric or your clothes.
Xavier pauses, propping himself up on one arm as his eyes meet yours. His gaze slowly drops, lingering where his hand is hidden under your sweater. You feel the light, curious tracing of his fingers over the lace of your bra, and see the moment his eyes widen.
"Oh," he breathes, lifting your sweater up to your chest. His breath catches as his eyes fall on the delicate, sheer black lace of your bra.
He swallows thickly at the sight before him, his lips parted as his breathing turns uneven. "This is my present?"
Your cheeks flush with warmth, and you resist the urge to tug your sweater back down. Instead, you manage a shaky, "Yeah. There's... more."
His eyes snap back up to yours, and he pushes himself back on his knees to trail his hands down your stomach and rest on the waistband of your leggings. 
Your stomach tightens with anticipation as you wait for him to say something—anything—to reveal what he’s thinking. But the way his pupils are blown wide and his gaze devours you is at least a little reassuring.
"More?" he echoes, his fingers slipping beneath the waistband as he looks up at you, waiting for permission.
You give him a shy nod, lifting your hips to let him slide your leggings down your thighs. As the sheer, black lace of your barely-there panties comes into view, his face twists with something between awe and agony, like you look so good that it hurts.
You suck in a quick breath, your stomach coiling in a mix of pleasure and self-consciousness, as he runs his fingers lightly along the delicate fabric between your legs.
He's being so quiet, and the fire his touch ignites in your stomach does nothing to reassure you that you don't look ridiculous wearing something like this.
"Do you...like your present?" you ask softly.
"Like it?" he whispers, unable to drag his eyes away from the sight of you. "I...love it, you, this..."
You bite your lip to hide your nervous smile as he seems to struggle to find his next word.
"You don't usually wear things like this," he says finally, meeting your eyes, and you can see the hunger there more clearly now. "Is it just for birthdays?"
"It's just for you," you whisper, the ache between your thighs becoming almost unbearable as he rubs his fingers more firmly over the damp lace of your panties. "Whenever you want me to wear it."
He groans, a low, rough sound that vibrates in his throat, and trails his eyes slowly down from your chest to your panties. 
Without a word, he stands from the couch, quickly sliding your leggings the rest of the way off. He slips one arm underneath your knees and the other behind your waist, and carries you bridal style toward the bedroom.
The moment he sets you down on the bed, his hands are already tugging at his t-shirt, pulling it over his head and tossing it to the floor. 
Your pulse races, breath hitching with anticipation, as he quickly strips off his sweatpants and briefs. He's hard, and your eyes widen as you take in the size of him. It’s the first time you’ve truly seen him like this, and you wonder how in the world it's going to fit.
There's only one way to find out.
As he climbs onto the bed, you start to lift your sweater, and his hands are there instantly, helping you tug it over your head. A soft moan escapes your lips as his mouth finds your neck, trailing kisses and gentle bites down the newly exposed skin, moving slowly down to your chest.
He pauses when his lips meet the edge of your bra, his hands firmly cupping your breasts. He looks up and asks, "Can I unwrap my present now?"
"God, yes," You say breathlessly, even as your cheeks burn hotter.
You expect him to reach for the clasp of your bra, and are surprised when he moves past it and kisses a path down your stomach.
"Xav—" You barely get a chance to ask him what he's doing before he slides his hand beneath you, easily lifting your hips as he hooks his fingers in the lace of your panties and slides them down your thighs.
Once your panties have been tossed onto the floor, he grasps your thighs and spreads them apart. He lets his breath ghost over your clit, and an impatient whimper leaves your mouth. 
You want to squirm and chase the sensation, but his strong hands on your hips hold you firmly in place. You moan as you feel his tongue lick a strip along your slit before circling your clit. 
It’s somehow even better than the first time—something you didn’t think was possible, yet here you are. 
The tension coiling in your body leaves you breathless, panting, and when he slides two fingers into your pussy, a gasp escapes you. Your hand tangles in his hair, holding him close as your thighs start to tremble.
The slick, wet sounds of his mouth against your pussy are enough to drive you insane, and the thought of him stopping is nearly unthinkable. But you had a plan - you want more than this. You need more than just this from him.
"Xav, please," You beg, tugging at his hair to get him to look at you. "I need you."
His fingers pause inside of you as he meets your desperate eyes, and the loss of his tongue on your clit makes you feel even more needy, shredding the last bits of self-consciousness you have been holding on to.
"I want to feel you. Inside of me. Please."
Even with his face between your thighs and his lips shining with your wetness, his cheeks still manage to flush at your words, a soft pink dusting his cheekbones and the tips of his ears. 
You bite your lip, mentally preparing for rejection, as you watch the silent struggle play out in his eyes. 
For what feels like the thousandth time, you wish you could read his mind; understand whatever it is that is holding him back.
"If you don’t want to..." Your words come out halting, uncertainty and self-consciousness creeping back in. "We can wait."
His brows furrow as he shakes his head, shifting closer to cover your body with his. He cups your face in his hand, his voice low and soft. "You think I don't want to?"
The way his voice drops and the intensity in his eyes make it clear that’s the furthest thing from the truth. 
He settles his weight on top of you, his cock brushing against your slick pussy, his desire unmistakable.
You gasp softly as you feel him slide against you, so close to where you need to be filled. Unable to stop yourself, you buck your hips, trying to feel more of him. 
He moans at the slick friction, pressing his forehead to yours as he thrusts against you, his cock grazing your clit with each movement.
It’s hard to focus, and the question slips from your lips before you can stop it, awkward and overly honest. "You want to wait until marriage?"
Surprise twists his expression as he pulls back to meet your eyes, and his lips curve into an amused smile.
"I don’t want to wait," he says, shaking his head before capturing your lips in a soft kiss. "And...we’re already married, Mrs. Shen."
His words draw a whimper from your throat, surprised at how good it sounds for him to call you that while you're panting and desperate underneath him.
He shifts, positioning his body between your parted thighs. He fists his cock, rubbing the tip along the wet folds of your pussy until he brushes against your entrance. 
His eyes find yours, his breath coming in shallow pants. "Are you sure?"
Your chest rises and falls rapidly as the heat between your legs builds. You're aching for this connection; you are so, so very sure.
"Please, Xav," You whimper, spreading your legs wider. "I want you so badly."
He groans, his hand tightening on your hip as he uses the other one to guide his cock. His breath hitches and his brow furrows with concern as his warm, blue eyes meet yours. "Tell me if you want me to stop."
He remains still, waiting for you to nod your agreement. 
When it comes, he moves slowly, gently easing his cock inside you.
The sensation is intense as he stretches you in ways you haven't experienced before. A gasp escapes your lips, a mix of surprise and pleasure, as you adjust to this overwhelming feeling of fullness. 
His cock is larger than his slender fingers, and the difference makes for a deliciously tight fit.
Xavier slides just halfway inside you before he leans forward and covers your body with his. His weight feels protective and warm as he drops his forehead to your shoulder and releases a shuddering breath.
Then he lifts his head and cups your cheek in his hand, his expression full of affection and awe.
"You feel amazing," he says. "Is this okay?"
"It’s so good," you whisper breathily.
 Your hands slide down his back, fingertips tracing the contours of his muscles before settling on his hips. You give a gentle, urging pull. "Please."
Slowly, he pulls out of you, and then gently thrusts forward. A groan slips out of him, and he fists the sheet beside of your head in an effort to maintain control.
You let out a series of small moans and gasps as he builds a very gentle, slow rhythm; pulling out just slightly before sinking back in a few inches. It feels exquisite, and you're savoring every sensation. 
But your body is craving more—much more.
"Xavier," you say softly, running your fingers through his hair. When his eyes flicker open, you continue, "Harder. I want to feel all of you."
Your words must snap the last threads of his restraint because he groans and sinks all of the way inside you before pulling out and thrusting back in hard.
Your eyes widen in surprise, and a sharp gasp escapes your lips as pleasure and pain collide, creating a feeling better than you thought could exist.
He freezes at the sound of your gasp, his body trembling against yours as his eyes search your face. "Did I hurt you?"
Words are gone, lost to you in the rush of sensation. No longer needing gentleness or hesitation, you grip his hips tighter, urging him forward as your own hips rise to meet his.
A mix of confusion and desire flickers across his face as he catches his breath. But he gives in to your urging hands, pulling nearly all of the way out before thrusting his hips forward to meet yours again.
"You like that?" he asks questioningly, his voice rough with need.
You arch your back at the sensation and wrap your legs around him, urging him closer.
"You do like that," he says in a tone that borders on amazement. He stares down at you like he's never experienced anything so wonderful before.
"Yes," you gasp, the word barely leaving your lips before you pull him into a desperate kiss.
His thrusts gain more confidence, building a rhythm of faster, harder movements.
Pleasure builds within you, and you’re struck by how perfectly everything fits, as if you were always meant to be this way—completely, undeniably his.
"Feels so good being inside you," Xavier pants, his breath hot against your skin as he trails biting, sucking kisses along your neck. "I never want to stop."
"God, don't stop."
He marvels at you as you writhe beneath him. You clutch him tight, forcing each one of his strokes to go deeper as your pussy clenches around him.
You can feel the pleasure building and building...
"Tell me you need this," he says roughly. 
His hand cups your face, tilting your chin until your eyes meet his. "Tell me you want me to come inside you."
Your pussy practically convulses at the growl of his words, and your brain nearly stops functioning. He's not blushing or shy, and the look in his eyes is possessive and demanding.
You don't even have to think about your answer. "I need you. I want you to come inside of me."
Xavier's strokes deepen until he's slamming himself all of the way home with each thrust, and within moments you cry out as your orgasm pulses through you. Your back arches and you cling to him tightly as pleasure seizes you.
You feel his cock thicken, and with a deep groan, he comes inside of you.
The sensation is unique; you didn’t think you’d be able to feel it. But you can feel his warmth spreading inside of you and filling you up.
He stares down at you, panting, as his strokes gradually slow and you loosen your grip around him.
"That was..." He trails off as he collapses on top of you.
You stroke his hair as your breathing finally begins to slow.
"I love you," he mumbles against your shoulder, and then kisses it.
"I love you, too."
After a moment, he slowly withdraws and shifts onto his side, gathering you into his strong arms. His lips find yours in a soft, sweet kiss. You snuggle close to him, feeling satisfied, warm, and blissfully drowsy.
He traces a finger gently along the curve of your cheek, his gaze filled with unmistakable tenderness as he takes in the sight of you.
"What did you wish for? Earlier?"
It takes you a moment to remember, and you hide your face against his chest when you do. It's a silly wish; not one that you want to say out loud.
"Tell me," he says softly, stroking his fingers through your hair.
There’s no reason not to tell him, other than the fact that it’s an impossibly big wish. Too big and too hard to fulfill for the short amount of time you have been together.
But he wants to know, and there’s no use in hiding it. 
You blush as you look up at him. "I wish this could all be real. The marriage. Living together. You know...all of it."
He looks at you thoughtfully for a long moment, and then nods slowly.
He holds out his hand palm up. A small, glowing ball of light appears there and shimmers softly. He raises his hand to his lips and blows gently.
You watch as the light floats toward the ceiling and disappears in a small sparkle.
Xavier looks at you and smiles. "This shooting star has made a promise to you."
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seablobnotsleepingwell · 3 days ago
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I love Sethos dearly. So welcome to my Ted talk about how crazy his life actually is.
He is currently the leader of Temple of Silence. And he HAD to take this position after the only parent figure in his life passed away, which their doctors said will happen quite a time ago. So he had to prepare himself for death of his grandfather, and also how to be a good leader. And Temple of Silence is not a easy place to rule. There is centuries of secrets, historical records dated to King Deshret, maybe even pieces of forbidden knowledge, who knows? Welp, only Temple of Silence knows. Also, they had to protect themselves from the eyesight of the Akademia, let's remember that this guys weren't friendly at all until Nahida took over.
Then, he had to face the battle with Cyno, who I believe was a take of the fresh air in Sethos's life. And I can see just how much enthusiastic Sethos is, especially his lines about rain or how he gone camping in the forest. All of it happened after he became a leader. He never had that. Never had a chance to go there, and look around peacefully, only when there was no one to tell him what to do. He also have a line about how elders of the Temple say that he is difficult to control, and he is like that. He wants freedom, he wants closure, he wants to decide for the best outcome. And I can see a little glimpse of it being a burden.
About that, I doubt he had friends. Like real friends, not ones that stick around because he have authority, and ones that feel obligated to listen to everything he says. Just people who understand, he have a character stories that I can't stop rereading. Lets review a couple situations.
Cyno is a tread to Sumeru city, and he brought him there. During the end of his 2nd story quest he invited him there, knowing Cyno, he knew right away where is he, and how things work there, and I personally think he understood Sethos. In his own way of course, but still.
I love the fact that they are close friends, and Sethos is already trying to escape the TCG. I love that so much. They are comfortable enough to be own self with each other.
Also, there is a character story where Cyno asks Sethos how his trip to desert was with some researcher, who didn't believe that Sethos is from desert, and that trip was pointless and he said that he is from the desert and they would not find anything that researcher trying to find, Cyno mentions that he and their group could confirm to that man that this is true. Knowing Cyno, I saw there an attempt to protect Sethos from some idiot who dared to doubt him. I leave it there like that.
Understanding is what tracks to Wanderer as well. During Sethos character story n1, they had such an amazing conversation (never expected to see that Wander would not insult someone right away)
"You are not an errand boy, you have more important role
And you are not the student, you have more important role"
Here. There it is.
To empathize and understand. They did not had to say anything out loud like that, and even more than that, to even interact. Let's dive into that, it's my personal favorite land to be in before I go to bed at 3 am.
They emphasize with each other. One knows something, and the other knows something. And the both know something.
I love their little game of knowledge. Especially seeing how Sethos recently said "since I know you pretty well". You saying that Wanderer didn't trew you off the cliff for talking to him? That's a win Sethos, have a cookie my dear.
It's just amazing for me how this guy is able to be so much. Just so much. Sometimes I think he is tweaking out of the amount of energy and curiosity he have in himself.
And Paimon said recently the line that just amazed me even more "So you are really is able to be friends with everyone huh"
Thank you Paimon. I can rest peacefully now. Everyone love this guy and I will die on that hill. Because I love him too. He is a little kitten.
A kitten that could drag you into Academical crime, by drinking with you, you are 16yo student btw with addiction to gambling, and make you write a really not that nice of a letter to one of the respected pretty old professor, drag that professor to the desert, to the Temple, and then wait for the beholder of other fragment of Hermanubis, kinda ancient God, whose another part you held most of your life. Battle with him. Face the death of your only person who is "family". Become a leader of old and secret organization. Meet the famous traveler. Move to the Sumeru city. Go from one place to the another time to time to settle things. Negotiate with your archon and Akademia how things between you should work. Oh, there is also a lot of people at Temple you need to take care of now. And you probably already been doing that for a couple of years, since your grandfather was in a really bad state of health. Don't forget to go find the Hat guy, he is interesting, and you just have to talk to him. Oh, there is general mahahamatra, is he holding a TCG deck? Shit. Oh, and you need to pack a bag to go camping as well.
Absolutely love that guy.
I love that he is well written, he is a nice guy, sure. But he a leader, and he is good leader. He will not hesitate to achieve something that is needed to be done. When we first met him, he doesn't make an impression of the good guy right away. There is things happening, and he have to do most of it. To me, he will not think twice about danger, of himself, or someone. If he have to manipulate or fight. He will. Don't even start here, I walked around the Temple, and they know what a fight is. There is a whole training area with all kinds of weapon. And our guy is packed okay. Look at his arms, even a little of the chest ther is going on. And he is fast, that is something he is known for in the Sumeru city.
Yes, he is a kitten. But not a soft one for sure. Soft looking I'd say. And let's not forget that he is from the desert, he lived there his whole life, he's a tough guy. He is choosing not to be.
Now take a look at the Wanderer. Here is where the understanding is coming from. Understanding of desire to grow. To change for the better. To have hope and making things better. To finally have a chance to decide for yourself what to do(beside homework of course). To have freedom to form yourself, and take a look for something good.
Also, his hair is amazing, I wish I had that kind of hair😭
Thank you, my TED talk is over.
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