#but repeated names and characters is more 100 years of solitude than love in the times of cholera

[thresholdbb]

Trying to work out the Love in the Times of Cholera ref, but Broght was right. The EMH's work is definitely derivative

[karinzany]

tag game: 3 books, 3 movies, and 3 songs

that changed your life or you just love.

thanks for the tag @lumochiart! I appreciate how you never forget about me when it comes to these tag games (and I will do the previous ones too!!)

About the books 📚:

Isabel Allende is my favorite author. I read "The city of beasts" when I was 13 and fell in love with her writing. It is part of a trilogy (Memories of the Eagle and the Jaguar) which I absolutely reccomend if you enjoy magical realism, the literary genre that she has mastered to perfection. Her first novel, "The House of the Spirits", it's a great example of that. It's very reminiscent of "100 years of Solitude" by Gabriel García Márquez. They both follow the story of a Latin-American family across generations, and they are so whimsical but at the same time incredibly raw when depicting reality. Although it is not considered a trilogy, "Daughter of Fortune" and "Portrait in Sepia" both include characters from "The House of the Spirits", and to this day they are my favorite books from her.

José Saramago won a Nobel Prize for a reason. "Death at Intervals" (pictured aboved), "Blindness" (which has a great film adaptation) and the sequel "Essay on Lucidity" are all amazing philosophical exercises that start with a very simple premise, respectively "what if people stopped dying?", "what if everyone turned blind?" and "what if everyone casted blank votes?". And the results are absolutely astounding. He never names his characters, nor he specifies in which country the action takes place (although we can tell it's Portugal), so that we can focus solely on the actions of the characters when faced with these dillemas. I couldn't reccomend them enough. I've read his books in Portuguese, but I'm confident the English translation does them justice.

Patrick Süskind isn't an author I know well, but "Perfume" is certainly one of the most memorable books I've ever read. The descriptions of the visuals and smells of 18th century Paris are so vivid that you feel like you're really there. You get inside the mind of the murderer, and you can understand, in a twisted way, how he can turn death into something so beautiful. And the ending of the book, my God! I couldn't forget it even if I tried. It's the culmination of his character, and it shows you what he considers to be the true meaning of love. It also has a film adaptation.

About the movies 📽️:

"The Little Mermaid" and "Barbie in the Princess and the Pauper" are self-explanatory, absolute animated classics from my childhood.

"The Secret Garden" (In Portuguese, "O Jardim Secreto", picture I took of my VHS) is based on the novel with the same name by Frances Hodgson Burnett. I watched this movie compulsively when I was little. The songs were amazing, and it was actually scary in some parts. The ending is slightly different than the novel, and surprisingly I enjoyed the movie a lot more! Which literally never happens. So yeah, if you somehow find this specific version of the movie on the internet I definitely reccomend a watch. It holds up very well even as an adult (also much better than the live-action).

About the songs 🎶:

I don't know if you could tell, but Florence + the Machine is my favorite singer, since I was 11. She had one album that I listened on repeat. They were the only songs on my old MP3 player. To this day, I have her entire discography saved on my phone, so I can listen to it even without internet.

"Between Two Lungs" is from the first album, "Lungs", and it makes me want to run into the woods and scream my lungs out. "Shake It Out" is from the second album, "Ceremonials" (my favorite), and it is very dear to my heart, since I've sang it in two school competitions already (with 9 years in between the two).

"King" is from the fifth album, "Dance Fever", and it did things to me. "I am no mother, I am no bride, I am King." My aroace heart loved the song. Even though I know the original interpretation was an argument between two lovers, I also read it as an act of defiance to your parents, your loved ones and to the society in general that wants to shove into the role of what a woman has to be. But I don't want to be a mother or a bride. I want to take control of my own life. I want to be King. On YouTube, there's also a poem version that is equally beautiful.

I'm tagging @portgas-d-ani @lorillee @alwayshasacold @caseyd1a @tinycurlyfry @vgprincess @tevali @zhabk4 and anyone who wants to participate!

I've spent more time answering this than I thought I would, but you don't actually have to explain your choices, I did it of my own volition! You can just post the pictures >.<

[catleha]

POST - SHB TEXTS; 1 / ?? (minor) canon divergence.

While I like to stick to canon as close as possible in regard to Y’shtola’s arc there are several petite changes I would like to make on this blog. Especially post - Rak’tika, I will go mainly hc- based / canon-divergent to a certain degree. Needless to say, it was very disappointing to see Y’shtola’s entire involvement being narrowed down to a few one-liners & occasional quest giving. 

The list below contains some changes to Y’shtola’s arc before & after leaving the Greatwood to join the Warrior of Light in their endeavors.   -- more will probably follow in the future once I re-watched the entire msq.

     1. Her relationship to Runar & the rest of the Night’s Blessed is strictly platonic / a motherly kind of love; up until her involvement with the Warrior of Light, Y’shtola spent her time (around one and a half year) in the company of the Night’s Blessed. She learned their customs, their rituals & adapted their lifestyle to eventually become their sage. -- she serves as a bearer wisdom & as their leader whenever one is required. Other than that she dedicated most of her time to a) the defense of Slitherbough / the forest, b) her studies & c) meditation. 

    In regards to her status as sage / “mother”: Y’shtola is the hero of the Great Fire, their savior, their caretaker, their guiding light. Nothing, I repeat, nothing hints at a romantic relationship to any of the Night’s Blessed what so ever. -- on the contrary, Y’shtola’s final scene (in which she reveals her true name to Runar & the rest) reminds one on a mother gathering her children; period.

    2. Urianger helps her back on her feet post - lifestream retrieval; the Runar hug thing does never happen. The Warrior of Light stops Runar from rushing towards Y’shtola, while Urianger helps her back on her feet / serves as a prop (I cannot believe that @scionsect​ & I fixed this terrible scene). Her connection to Urianger is furthermore significantly stronger than SE dared to show. I will elude on that in a detailed character relationship post in the future. DISCLAIMER: not only was Runar’s approach cringy & simply inconsiderate of Y’shtola’s status as a blind person (never touch blind people without their permission it’s simply disrespectful) , their ��romance” was also terribly developed. -- I have nothing against Runar as a character; I simply refuse to support shoehorned romantic sub-plots / the “strong dude, weak damsel” trope.

     3. The second “Flow” cast messed up Y’shtola’s aether; while the consequences of the second “flow” cast are by no means as severe as the first one, they still had an effect on her soul / being in general. Ever since the loss of her eyesight, Y’shtola has been constantly connected to the lifestream in order to both, see & access deeper layers of magic & understanding of the planet. -- over time, Y’shtola also became more sensible to change in the planet / aether itself, resulting in her being able to comprehend / see into the past in a pretty peculiar manner (read: whenever she dwells in a city or place that holds the lingering aether of a passed away soul, she is able to access said souls’s memories / history via meditation or focus). 

    Ever since arriving on the First, said “memories” have long become more tangible, common &, to a certain degree, overwhelming due to the shard’s aether supersaturation. While living in Rak’tika, she is able to access the swamp akin to Toph Beifong in LoK; she is connected to the Greatwood’s very Fauna & feels every twitch / every pulse of the beings living within. -- the second flow cast messed with an already sensible balance between her own entity / soul & the aether around her. She can no longer 100% distinguish between the memories of others & her own, leading to periods of oversensitiveness & fatigue that leave her vulnerable. In moments like these she seeks utter solitude, trying her utmost to calm herself -- Y’shtola’s identity is becoming more & more vapid. 

     4. Her conflict with Thancred has actual gravitas; Thancred & her argue whilst both stay in the Greatwood, causing Y’shtola to confess her resentment towards the other & a refusal to talk to him until he has sorted his “issues” out (shoutout to @hisburden​). Their conflict worsens upon the arrival of “Ryne” due to Thancred’s depression & agony which the finite death of Minfilia prompted. They have their final discussion post their fight against the third lightwarden in the well, ending with Y’shtola & Thancred agreeing on a truce. -- their relationship is no longer as “cordial" as it has been before.

   5. Urianger’s betrayal causes a rift between them; whilst Urianger becomes her most trusted & dearest friend upon arriving in the First, his betrayal in lieu of the Crystal Exarch’s true purpose leaves a deep mark. Upon returning to the Crystarium, she confronts Urianger in her grief & anger. Unlike her conflict with Thancred however, this argument leads to tears & a temporary reconciliation; mainly due to both being emotionally & mentally exhausted / fearing for the WOL’s very life. -- Y’shtola still retreats to spend time in solitude not approaching Urianger or anyone else until they leave to confront Emet-Selch. After the defeat of Hades, she approaches Urianger to further solve their conflict (tag along for pain featuring your local goth cat & @scionsect​).

  6. The “Hydaelyn is a primal” twist leaves a deep mark; she openly searches Emet-Selch out several times during her stay in the Crystarium. She is conflicted & stands between “two chairs” -- albeit being a true believer of Hydaelyn’s ways she cannot deny that doubt has festered & sprawled where once was fierce dedication.

   7. She has issues with immediately accepting “Ryne”; similar to Alisaie, Y’shtola struggles to fully embrace what Minifilia has become. Despite a positive attitude, she still has her doubts & indulges in slight mistrust. This strains their relationship until Y’shtola decides to aid her in her power struggles. -- in lieu of the event of Amh Araeng, Y'shtola willingly distances herself from the group due to feeling misplaced & quite frankly, lost.

   8. Y’shtola teaches “Ryne” / Minifilia to use her powers; instead of being written off as insignificant (as further above stated above), Y’shtola plays a huge part in helping a struggling Minfilia how to harness her aetherical powers & abilities by teaching her how to use them properly (shoutout to @hyethla​ for not only being my exclusive Minfilia but also the inspiration for their beautiful but tragic dynamic). Similar to Thancred, she first struggled to accept her presence but made her peace by confessing her guilt during and earlier visit in Ill Mheg (hence why she gives Thancred a lot of ‘shit’ later). Even later upon chasing down the last remaining lightwardens, she plays a pivotal role in saving the Warrior of Light alongside “Ryne”. -- she also taught her how to read, write & comprehend the workings of the lifestream before the arrival of the WOL. Their relationship is, in fact (at least until “Ryne” surfaces) a close one.

   9. Alisaie, Alphinaud & Yshtola’s Amh Araeng arc will be discussed in detail; needless to say, I will write a long post about their endeavors & relationship development in Amh Araeng in the future. -- not only did they fight the Eulmorian army, but also discussed the future of the scions, the WOL, Minifilia, etc. 

   10. Y’shtola suffers greatly under mental strain of both, her powers & the second flow cast; instead of brushing literally everything we learned about her struggles aside like SHB & SB kinda did, I will dedicate a lot of time & attention to her mental & physical struggles (growing “blinder”, losing herself, burning her body’s life energy, etc) & explain what role her job change  plays in this very regard. -- an example for her struggles is Y’shtola’s wanning lifeforce. She burns herself up to both, see & further access necessary powers. Doing so for three years resulted in the waning of her aether powers to a certain degree & a rapid, mental aging through burning her energy. I will elude on this in the future -- while physically young, Y’shtola has the soul of an almost 50 year old woman.

[spiritualesoterichighlevel]

Myths of the Brain

                                                                                             1. We use only 10 percent of our brains.                This one sounds so compelling - a precise number, repeated in pop culture for a century, implying that we have huge reserves of untapped mental powers. But the supposedly unused 90 percent of the brain is not some vestigial appendix. Brains are expensive - it takes a lot of energy to build brains during fetal and childhood development and maintain them in adults. Evolutionarily, it would make no sense to carry around surplus brain tissue. Experiments using PET or fMRI scans show that much of the brain is engaged even during simple tasks, and injury to even a small bit of brain can have profound consequences for language, sensory perception, movement or emotion.          True, we have some brain reserves. Autopsy studies show that many people have physical signs of Alzheimer's disease (such as amyloid plaques among neurons) in their brains even though they were not impaired. Apparently we can lose some brain tissue and still function pretty well. And people score higher on IQ tests if they're highly motivated, suggesting that we don't always exercise our minds at 100 percent capacity.

   2. "Flashbulb memories" are precise, detailed and persistent.          We all have memories that feel as vivid and accurate as a snapshot, usually of some shocking, dramatic event - the assassination of President Kennedy, the explosion of the space shuttle Challenger, the attacks of September 11, 2001. People remember exactly where they were, what they were doing, who they were with, what they saw or heard. But several clever experiments have tested people's memory immediately after a tragedy and again several months or years later.

The test subjects tend to be confident that their memories are accurate and say the flashbulb memories are more vivid than other memories. Vivid they may be, but the memories decay over time just as other memories do. People forget important details and add incorrect ones, with no awareness that they're recreating a muddled scene in their minds rather than calling up a perfect, photographic reproduction.

                3. It's all downhill after 40 (or 50 or 60 or 70).          It's true, some cognitive skills do decline as you get older. Children are better at learning new languages than adults - and never play a game of concentration against a 10-year-old unless you're prepared to be humiliated. Young adults are faster than older adults to judge whether two objects are the same or different; they can more easily memorize a list of random words, and they are faster to count backward by sevens.          But plenty of mental skills improve with age. Vocabulary, for instance - older people know more words and understand subtle linguistic distinctions. Given a biographical sketch of a stranger, they're better judges of character. They score higher on tests of social wisdom, such as how to settle a conflict. And people get better and better over time at regulating their own emotions and finding meaning in their lives.

   4. We have five senses.          Sure, sight, smell, hearing, taste and touch are the big ones. But we have many other ways of sensing the world and our place in it. Proprioception is a sense of how our bodies are positioned. Nociception is a sense of pain. We also have a sense of balance - the inner ear is to this sense as the eye is to vision - as well as a sense of body temperature, acceleration and the passage of time.          Compared with other species, though, humans are missing out. Bats and dolphins use sonar to find prey; some birds and insects see ultraviolet light; snakes detect the heat of warmblooded prey; rats, cats, seals and other whiskered creatures use their "vibrissae" to judge spatial relations or detect movements; sharks sense electrical fields in the water; birds, turtles and even bacteria orient to the earth's magnetic field lines.          By the way, have you seen the taste map of the tongue, the diagram showing that different regions are sensitive to salty, sweet, sour or bitter flavors? Also a myth.

   5. Brains are like computers.          We speak of the brain's processing speed, its storage capacity, its parallel circuits, inputs and outputs. The metaphor fails at pretty much every level: the brain doesn't have a set memory capacity that is waiting to be filled up; it doesn't perform computations in the way a computer does; and even basic visual perception isn't a passive receiving of inputs because we actively interpret, anticipate and pay attention to different elements of the visual world.          There's a long history of likening the brain to whatever technology is the most advanced, impressive and vaguely mysterious. Descartes compared the brain to a hydraulic machine. Freud likened emotions to pressure building up in a steam engine. The brain later resembled a telephone switchboard and then an electrical circuit before evolving into a computer; lately it's turning into a Web browser or the Internet. These metaphors linger in clichés: emotions put the brain "under pressure" and some behaviors are thought to be "hard-wired." Speaking of which...

   6. The brain is hard-wired.          This is one of the most enduring legacies of the old "brains are electrical circuits" metaphor. There's some truth to it, as with many metaphors: the brain is organized in a standard way, with certain bits specialized to take on certain tasks, and those bits are connected along predictable neural pathways (sort of like wires) and communicate in part by releasing ions (pulses of electricity).          But one of the biggest discoveries in neuroscience in the past few decades is that the brain is remarkably plastic. In blind people, parts of the brain that normally process sight are instead devoted to hearing. Someone practicing a new skill, like learning to play the violin, "rewires" parts of the brain that are responsible for fine motor control. People with brain injuries can recruit other parts of the brain to compensate for the lost tissue.

               7. A conk on the head can cause amnesia.                Next to babies switched at birth, this is a favorite trope of soap operas: Someone is in a tragic accident and wakes up in the hospital unable to recognize loved ones or remember his or her own name or history. (The only cure for this form of amnesia, of course, is another conk on the head.)          In the real world, there are two main forms of amnesia: anterograde (the inability to form new memories) and retrograde (the inability to recall past events).        Science's most famous amnesia patient, H.M., was unable to remember anything that happened after a 1953 surgery that removed most of his hippocampus. He remembered earlier events, however, and was able to learn new skills and vocabulary, showing that encoding "episodic" memories of new experiences relies on different brain regions than other types of learning and memory do. Retrograde amnesia can be caused by Alzheimer's disease, traumatic brain injury (ask an NFL player), thiamine deficiency or other insults. But a brain injury doesn't selectively impair autobiographical memory - much less bring it back.

8. We know what will make us happy.                In some cases we haven't a clue. We routinely overestimate how happy something will make us, whether it's a birthday, free pizza, a new car, a victory for our favorite sports team or political candidate, winning the lottery or raising children. Money does make people happier, but only to a point - poor people are less happy than the middle class, but the middle class are just as happy as the rich. We overestimate the pleasures of solitude and leisure and underestimate how much happiness we get from social relationships.          On the flip side, the things we dread don't make us as unhappy as expected. Monday mornings aren't as unpleasant as people predict. Seemingly unendurable tragedies - paralysis, the death of a loved one - cause grief and despair, but the unhappiness doesn't last as long as people think it will. People are remarkably resilient.

   9. We see the world as it is.          We are not passive recipients of external information that enters our brain through our sensory organs. Instead, we actively search for patterns (like a Dalmatian dog that suddenly appears in a field of black and white dots), turn ambiguous scenes into ones that fit our expectations (it's a vase; it's a face) and completely miss details we aren't expecting. In one famous psychology experiment, about half of all viewers told to count the number of times a group of people pass a basketball do not notice that a guy in a gorilla suit is hulking around among the ball-throwers.                We have a limited ability to pay attention (which is why talking on a cellphone while driving can be as dangerous as drunk driving), and plenty of biases about what we expect or want to see. Our perception of the world isn't just "bottom-up" - built of objective observations layered together in a logical way. It's "top-down," driven by expectations and interpretations.

   10. Men are from Mars, women are from Venus.          Some of the sloppiest, shoddiest, most biased, least reproducible, worst designed and most overinterpreted research in the history of science purports to provide biological explanations for differences between men and women. Eminent neuroscientists once claimed that head size, spinal ganglia or brain stem structures were responsible for women's inability to think creatively, vote logically or practice medicine. Today the theories are a bit more sophisticated: men supposedly have more specialized brain hemispheres, women more elaborate emotion circuits. Though there are some differences (minor and uncorrelated with any particular ability) between male and female brains, the main problem with looking for correlations with behavior is that sex differences in cognition are massively exaggerated.          Women are thought to outperform men on tests of empathy. They do - unless test subjects are told that men are particularly good at the test, in which case men perform as well as or better than women. The same pattern holds in reverse for tests of spatial reasoning. Whenever stereotypes are brought to mind, even by something as simple as asking test subjects to check a box next to their gender, sex differences are exaggerated. Women college students told that a test is something women usually do poorly on, do poorly. Women college students told that a test is something college students usually do well on, do well. Across countries - and across time - the more prevalent the belief is that men are better than women in math, the greater the difference in girls' and boys' math scores. And that's not because girls in Iceland have more specialized brain hemispheres than do girls in Italy.          Certain sex differences are enormously important to us when we're looking for a mate, but when it comes to most of what our brains do most of the time - perceive the world, direct attention, learn new skills, encode memories, communicate (no, women don't speak more than men do), judge other people's emotions (no, men aren't inept at this) - men and women have almost entirely overlapping and fully Earth-bound abilities.      

[mythicaldemigoddess-of-deltarune]

Was Feeling Bad Little Bit Ago, But Starting To Feel Better Now

I had started to feel bad a little bit ago, ended up crying too...

it is just some stuff that got to me.

one of them to which I don’t want to talk about.

but I will say this, if it takes me longer to do something it can be because of how I feel or like I need more time and have to put those plans on hiatus.

I had felt bad before I signed on by the way, I was doing pretty okay today but then I started to get certain thoughts....dark thoughts.

I think checking out a new post on here and reading a reply to a question I asked and listening to ADDICT from Hazbin Hotel Music Video,

has helped me feel more better.

still feel a little sad but still doing better.

and the reason why I had started to feel bad is because of realizing of a possibility that has to do with misunderstanding and well like I said I don’t want to talk about it and the little ya all know the better.

have you ever been made to feel like garbage?

if you try to stand up for yourself, you either only get your words twisted or like you end up being a doormat to unfair demands of how to “make up in a fight.”

or if you mention in a comment about how something about a character reminds you of something you love from a show, but then when it is taken the wrong way, you get blocked by that person, still hope for that misunderstanding can be worked out...I know the whole fight that happen a few years ago, and with how things were “resolved” can’t truly be fixed right now...

another thing that peeves me off, is that my feelings weren’t considered at all by some toxic-religious person.

I mean at least some people who are religious or atheist,

wouldn’t of made me feel as bad to the point to crying like that person.

so what if I believe in a Goddess and I see myself as being Gyno-Agender.

and they would of respect my differences,

even if they don’t have to agree with them.  

like I had said before, I had brought up how badly they were making me feel by the words they were saying towards me.

but even when I did say how bad it was making me feel they were all like

“may god have mercy on you.”

I’m pretty sure they either said god or lord...but I know what they were doing was wrong and it was just making me feel bad.

even after I had explained how it made me feel, they just couldn’t get it through their head and they even repeated it,

so I had no other choice but to block them.

when I tried to stand up for myself, I only got hurt.

but I know that there is still possibility of success in standing up for one’s self,

but there will only be that percent where you will fail in standing up for yourself.

 even a person who is normally nice can be pushed too far when their kindness is hurt and then the other side of them tries to defend it.

and I want to say this again, just because I asked my pendulum if my twin flame is Azrael and I got a “yes” for a answer, don’t make me a liar.

of course if I had my pendulum back a few years ago and asked if my twin flame was Azrael and if I brought it up with that whole me believing in the whole Divine Feminine and saying that I see myself as Female/Non-Binary.

that person would still do that whole misuse of words towards me.

so it might of been a good thing I didn’t decide to get a pendulum

when that went down.

I had asked my pendulum if mediation while listening to some music would be good for me, and I got a yes to that question.

I have been meaning to do that for a while now, but I think i will get around to it after I watch some shows and maybe even a movie.

 I think another thing that help me feel better

was eating some cheesecake with some strawberries on top.

well I think it is like strawberry jello?

comfort food never let’s ya down.

and I know this just came to me,

but what would it mean if twins flames are two different colors?

I mean I had found out from my pendulum that my soul is a violet color, not the violet-blue type but like along the whole still technically purple.

 and my mom has a red soul and my dad has a blue soul.

it is obvious they weren’t soulmates...

I think I should keep doing what I am doing, making sure to give myself solitude when it’s needed and when I can, I will talk with friends and even post some stuff and work on other stuff.

I may have mention this before, but I will say again that I am Aroaceflux.

well I had asked my pendulum about if I was Aroflux, because I was curious and I had got a yes and I knew I was Aceflux and well I had asked if ya know since I was Aceflux and Aroflux would that make me Aroaceflux, and I had got a yes.

I do wonder if there is a alternate name for “Pomo-sexual/romantic”

yeah that is part of my sexuality too, but with how some people are

they might think it is a misspelling and might not understand it.

      I think for me, I was transforming into a Aroaceflux or I could of always been that way and not know it.

we could see sexuality or even gender identity like flowers that haven’t yet blossomed or is still a flower bud.

it needs time to bloom and really look deeply inside itself

to see who they truly are. 

(and those doctors or parents who change a sex/gender of their own child without the child’s consent, should get their butts kicked....)  

speaking of flowers, I have been meaning to plant some new flowers.

have that to put into my to-do-list.

I think I should try my best not to let dark thoughts or some other stuff get to me too much...

and I hope some of you will agree that a child should have consent to if they want to be a other gender and or like the opposite sex to the one they were born biologically.

doctors or parents should not take that choice away, plus such a surgery should wait a few years or so because it wouldn’t be right to do it when a human is too young.

plus just because a baby ends up being born intersex, don’t mean ya got to “fix” them, if a person who is born intersex wishes to have a surgery or stay the way they are, it’s their choice.

  and even without changing babies through surgery.

there are even those that trick their own children into believing they were biologically born a boy or girl, and they don’t find out until someone brings it up.

such a dirty trick can cause a damage relationship between parent and child.

if your child feels like a boy or girl, or maybe even something of a neutral or whatever, maybe even being non-binary but with masculine or feminine

(once again the whole masculine and feminine

isn’t like the binary of female or male.)

then it should be their choice to be who they are on the inside, and they shouldn’t be tricked into by someone they trust.

 I also want to say that I hope some of you can understand

the reasons why I have Semi-Androphobia, Virgintiphobia

and being Semi-Misanthrope.

 it’s not like I hate all humankind, and me still having a love for humankind is the reason why I’m Semi-Misanthrope.

I know there can be some guys I can trust, but some not so much.

plus with the panic attack I had in 2015 when I was alone in the car, was brought on by being scared of being “hurt” and it does make sense that it might be linked to virgintiphobia and I believe it was that.

I still don’t like being left alone in the car, not even during the day.

being alone at home is fine, because ya can lock the doors and be safe.

(but I still locked the doors of the car when I am alone....still don’t like it though.)

 then there is that whole “corrective types”

  that is like doing more harm than good, even if ya call it “fixing”

it only causes trauma and a phobia of the opposite sex.

 anyway I wanted to talk about that I was letting some thoughts get to me too much, but I am doing much better now.

and I know some will think I’m lying about the whole Azrael being my twin flame...but like I said before I DON’T want to be called a liar when I didn’t even lie and I couldn’t help but get a yes answer to my question if they are my twin flame....it’s what I had asked my pendulum.

though I don’t think it would make me a Archeia...

even if my pendulum gives me a yes to that question...

 and says that I am....wait can Earth Angel/Twilight-Walkers even be Archeia?

  plus I might seem really confident 24/7 of all the time, but I haven’t been like that in I don’t know maybe since some bad stuff happen before...

but even if my confidence it’s 100% good, it is still pretty okay and I think that is good enough for me.

I mean 2015 was pretty bad for me, and it took me a few months during that time to get better, and even after becoming better I had figured out I was depressed, but then the next year after that was....like a not very good, it started out good but with everything that was going on and well, I want to try my best not to let it happen again.

if one little thing didn’t push me over the breaking point, I would of got better and not ended up with so much negative feelings that went through some stages and I didn’t get better from that until December 2017.

 I hate fights not getting resolved the right way or misunderstandings that go beyond the type that can be fixed and explained before it ends up hurting someone.

I had realized it is a bad thing to get someone back into a depression after they had got better from one, it can end up becoming much longer and having a far worse feeling.

I mean like I had said before, I had thoughts of wanting to punch the bathroom mirror when I felt so bad before I got better around December 2017.

but I didn’t punch the mirror, because I knew what would happen if I did.

I think after I watch some cartoons, I think I will play some Undertale and then after that I will do that whole meditation thing.

and I know some might not agree about the whole Chara being innocent and being a scapegoat to the player....

but there no way that “Chara” that the player sees at the Geno-Run, is the True-Chara.....

Chara is in the true lab at the very place where The Player/Frisk has to turn the power on for the elevator, being used as a power source for the underground.

 I still think that the Sans we see in Deltarune

is really a Undertale Sans from a Geno Route Timeline, and he escape that Alternate Universe and moved to the Deltarune Au’s Timeline with his younger brother.

he most likely did it when Frisk was still in the ruins or before Frisk fell to the underground, it be nice if he took Chara’s Soul and Flowey with him and Papyrus.

I also believe that it wasn’t Chara that got Asriel to agree to a plan that would just end up getting them both killed.

I believe that it was the Determination that was created in the true lab by the royal scientist, when Chara’s Soul which is the very essences of who they are.

was taken out of their body and replaced with Determination, that said determination ended up tricking Asriel and at some point when they tried to get him to use the full power of their fusion, I believe that while going home, he had figured out the one he had fused with wasn’t Chara but someone who had switched with them.

and the reason why he didn’t use healing magic while still in Chara’s village, was because it would put those humans in danger.

I believe that when Asriel got home he was going to un-fuse with the stranger soul but was killed by the royal scientist and took the determination back to the lab and made the king and queen believe that Asriel was killed by humans.

yes the humans wounded him but they didn’t give him the fatal blow.

plus besides taking the determination, I believe the royal scientist took Asriel’s Soul too.

his body did turn to dust which would be on a flower which would then become Flowey when the next royal scientist decides to try to use the said flower in a experiment.

I believe that Ralsei is Undertale-Asriel’s Soul, and he is most likely fused with determination.

that explains why even after most likely turning to dust even if ya can only see his clothes and not his dust, he can be brought back with food that can heal.

there is a much older Asriel in Deltarune, and this would be the Asriel that would be the counterpart of the one that is from Undertale.

I believe that Ralsei and Flowey are two halves of the Original Asriel from Undertale, them having determination that was inside the body of Chara, but it wasn’t truly their own determination, but a determination that was created by the first royal scientist.

the Red Soul is only “Determination” in the Fanon

and it’s okay that it still seen that way...

but the Red Soul’s Trait in canon is not determination.

at first I thought it was Ambition, but thanks to Papyrus and Undyne,

I believe the Red Soul’s Trait is Love,

and not the LV that stands for Level of Violence either.

I believe that before we play the game, Frisk may have fell in the underground and ended up in the hands of the royal scientist who decided to inject them with determination, which then allowed them to come back to life and even go back in time.

the same power that Flowey had.

and in one of the rooms where there are flowers, and what appears to be a mirror, it might just be Frisk, like when we play as Frisk and we see what appears to be their reflection.

but it might be Frisk before they were injected with determination.

so even if the monsters are freed and if the royal scientist that is Alphys decides to either let them go or inject them with determination, it might start the resets all over again.

like each Frisk is a Frisk that ended up being injected with determination as a experiment when they end up in the hands of the royal scientist.

Frisk could of fell way before Chara, and determination is able to both change the appearance of itself and it’s host.

so the reflection we see in that room with all those flowers, could be the True-Frisk, who is behind a glass wall.

and the Frisk we are controlling might actually be Chara’s Body, changed to look like Frisk, thanks to the Determination.

and the Chara the player meets is not the real Chara, but the Determination taking their form in order to trick us.

 the Determination is most likely a creation of Gaster, and he knew how to get a monster to accept the determination, and he might of not left his real notes behind when he left that home universe of his.

that is why the monsters that fell down ended up fusing together and becoming all melted like.

it was never truly Alphys’s fault, she might of discovered the research that was left behind by the former royal scientist.

but it was only half of the research.

Ralsei being Undertale-Asriel’s Soul and having determination merged into their very soul, is one of Gaster’s successful experiments...

even if the said experiment was done the wrong way and cost two children their lives.

Chara died by having their soul taken out and replaced with Gaster’s creation, The Determination, it was that very Determination that used Asriel’s love for Chara and made them follow in the plan, a plan that was most likely originally masterminded by Gaster.

and Gaster placed Chara’s Soul into the true lab and made them become a power source and perhaps the True Core.

we know there is a Core to the power that powers the underground, but the True Core could be Chara’s Soul.

 if Asgore had known sooner that his adopted child’s soul was kidnap and used to power the underground, then even after getting the other six human souls, he could of went to the true lab, and saved his child’s soul and used it as the final soul needed to free everyone.

man I ended up talking about game theories XD

well better that then the stuff that gets me feeling down.

and I think I have been writing this for like maybe a hour or so.

if the whole theory about Rose being Pink Diamond can turn out to be canon,

then maybe my theory about Chara’s Soul being used to power the labs and all of the power to the underground, might be true as well.

anyway I am gonna go now, I don’t know if I will have time to do all the stuff I wanted to do after writing this...but I will try to do some of the stuff tomorrow.

see ya later and keep safe everybody.

PS:

thanks for listening, and hope there is no misunderstandings.                                                            

[austentatious]

February: One Hundred Years of Solitude | Gabriel Garcia-Marquez, translated by Gregory Rabassa

4.5/5

I think this is the first Gabriel Garcia-Marquez work that I read but it’s not my first time with magic realism. Although the book is long, the sentences extend into paragraphs, and it had been a slow read for me spanning months, I really liked it. My only mistake was that I took a long time reading it so I have forgotten parts of the book when I continue where I left of.

Garcia-Marquez should be read carefully. In this book, he employs a repetitive device. His characters are named the same, kind of like John Arnold’s History: A Very Short Introduction, but not only do succeeding generations inherit the names of their forefathers, so do they inherit the character excess and defects, as well as their destinies. Sociology would tell you we are shaped by our family before we are shaped by society and Gabriel Garcia-Marquez has overemphasized that point in this book.  I realized almost 100 pages into the book that there is no point remembering who the different Aurelianos and Arcadios are. What was more crucial was that the Aurelianos and Arcadios are all the same.

He also writes about the circularity of time--that history repeats itself in the people whose fates are repeated. The Arcadios are all impulsive, more appetitive than intellectual, men of action; juxtaposed against the Aurelianos who are more thoughtful, thinkers, rational, less likely to be obsessed with food and sex. And then there are the women, though never as many as the men, Rebeca and Remedios are infantile, Amarantas are more level-headed, but Ursula is the strongest, most practical, especially Ursula Iguaran who is always the force that keeps them all together. She renovates the house multiple times, takes care of the children, works to get food on the table. She’s even more influential than the men. Ultimately, as their names and characters get repeated, so do their tragedies.

And then there are the outside women who is in charge of sexual education for the Buendia men--Petra Cotes and Pilar Ternera. I liked this book because it is not shy, it doesn’t hold back when giving women the power. You don’t have flat characters here so even if it tells the story of a town through the lives of the Buendia family and it can get draggy, there is no shortage of interesting people that breathe life into Macondo.

I also had no idea you can describe solitude in so many ways. Solitude here is isolation, the seemingly incapacity for love, the feeling loneliness, hopelessness, solitude is mourning, yearning, despair, melancholy and you can see it personified in the different members of the Buendia family.

[themeresthobby]

Fanfic recs

...or, more accurately, “I didn’t want to clog my bookmarks, so I made this”. Contains some LJ stuff not reposted anywhere else (to my knowledge), and things fished out from AO3. Mostly ACD canon and Ritchie-verse, no BBC-verse except a small mention in one.

Authors’ original summaries are italicised. Personal favourites are marked with asterisks. Updated sporadically.

[14 Jan 2018: There are even more fics I haven’t gotten around to listing here.]

ACD canon/non-specific Victorian

The Adventure of the Bridegroom’s Photograph by spacemutineer @ AO3 Gen, casefic Summary: There is more than one secret to be revealed when a young man comes to Holmes and Watson with a keepsake and a question.

A Careless Life by ingridmatthews @ LJ/DW/AO3 Holmes->Watson, angst, time-travel Summary: 3GAR didn’t happen right the first time.

The Case of the Rose by Another Name by HiddenLacuna @ AO3 Gen, humour, casefic, Shaggy Dog story Summary: Dr. Watson is called to attend to Holmes, who has a terrible cold after a case. Holmes recounts the case that led him to become ill.

A Casual Reflection on the Probability of Coincidence by mainecoon76 @ AO3 Holmes->Watson, mention of Holmes/Victor Trevor, friendship, agnosticism (what are these tags I use...) Summary: Mycroft Holmes ponders his own relationship with his sibling, the wonder that is John Watson, and the fact that, in spite of evidence that points to the contrary, the universe may not be unkind after all.

Distillery by HisMightyShield @ AO3 Gen, turbulent Mycroft-Sherlock relationship, humour, E.W. Hornung’s Raffles series crossover Summary: Holmes and Watson investigate a crime at the Diogenes Club.

* Dust and Ashes by SCFrankles @ AO3 Gen, humour, casefic Summary: Holmes and Watson investigate three cases which appear to have some similarities. Could there be something bigger going on in the background?

England is England Yet by lynndyre @ AO3 Gen, hope, friendship Summary: After Reichenbach, life goes on for Dr Watson.

Haunted by You by T.J. Lauren @ FF.net Gen, angst Summary: Hidden just off the path to Reichenbach, near the top, there is a small, nameless memorial. (Professor Moriartyyyyyy...)

* Howl by HisMightyShield @ AO3 Gen, werebeast AU Summary: A retelling of The Empty House. With Werewolves. Because awesome.

A Less Than Final Stop by JaneTurenne @  AO3/LJ Holmes/Watson, humour Summary: Shortly after The Waterfall, John Watson begins sending telegrams.

Letters by ingridmatthews Holmes/Watson, humour Summary: Watson has to take a business trip away from Baker Street. Holmes writes ... and writes ... and writes ... (This author writes both non-specific Victorian and specifically Ritchie-verse fic, but the former also works well read as the latter.)

Never by JaneTurenne Watson/Mary Morstan, angst Summary: An excerpt from the journal of Mrs. Mary Watson, from May 5, 1894

Nowhere Far Enough by ingridmatthews Mention of Holmes/Victor Trevor, angst Summary: For the prompt Five Times Sherlock Ran Away From Home, One Time He Ran Back to It

On Mount Golgotha by L-aviateur @ AO3 Watson/Mary Morstan, horror, SCP Foundation crossover Summary: "I can call to mind one case in particular that I will never forgive myself for missing." When Holmes gets in over his head, can Watson find a way to save him from something that none of them even understand?

Read All About It by SCFrankies Watson/Mary Morstan, humour Summary: “I have not seen a paper for some days." Dr. Watson in The Boscombe Valley Mystery. There was a reason for that.

* Right Ho, Moran by Anonymous @ LJ Gen, humour, Jeeves and Wooster crossover/fusion Summary: Moriarty, in the style of Bertie Wooster. (I would read a whole book of this.)

The Songs of Spring by w_a_i_d @ LJ / Waid @ AO3 Holmes/Watson Summary: Holmes sends the manuscript of The Lion's Mane to the absent Watson -- though  maybe his absence isn't as long-term as all that. (Almost angsty enough to go in the "misery" section, but ultimately fluffy as a feather bed.)

* Sub Rosa by prof_pangaea @ LJ/AO3 Gen, art Summary: A record of Sherlock Holmes’ correspondence with Mycroft during the hiatus.

Truth by JaneTurenne @ AO3 Gen, angst Warnings: Attempted suicide Summary: After Holmes's return, Lestrade pulls the Great Detective aside to discuss a certain incident during his years away.

Untitled (Chuck Testa meme) by por_queeee @ LJ Gen, crack Summary: Moriarty is back. (I liked how appropriate the meme was, ok.)

Multiple verses

London Dreaming by f_m_r_l @ LJ Gen, fluff Summary: London dreams of Sherlock Holmes. 

Ritchie Holmes

The Baker Street Record by featherfish @ LJ Holmes/Watson, horror/psychological, apocrypha, meta, House of Leaves crossover Warnings: Sexual content Summary: If I tried to write a summary, I’d just repeat the tags. I haven’t read HoL, but I still found this impressive.

Der Freischütz by indigostohelit @ AO3 Moriarty/Moran (tagged as that, but can still be read as ambiguous), Moran character study Summary: When they first meet he’s fresh out of the army, dishonorable discharge and all, and the rage behind his eyes is barely checked. He’s a ticking time bomb, and Moriarty has a use for bombs.

A Fine Mess by ingridmatthews Gen, fluff Summary: Holmes meets puppy!Gladstone.

Loyalty by ingridmatthews Gen, fluff Summary (prompt): [...] I want a fic where someone (Holmes?) says something incredibly stupid/insulting about Gladstone and Watson flips his shit. He then proceeds to demonstrate how awesome the dog still is. [...]

* Misericordia by cyanocorax @ AO3 Gen/ambiguous relationship, Sebastian Moran character study Summary: “What does he say?’ he asked. ‘He’s very sad,’ Úrsula answered, ‘because he thinks that you’re going to die.’ ‘Tell him,’ the colonel said, smiling, ‘that a person doesn’t die when he should but when he can.” - 100 Years of Solitude (This really stuck with me. There’s something about the exactness of the language.)

Untitled by Anonymous @ LJ Gen, fluff Summary: Everybody loves Holmes.

A Study In Emerald

I’ve never read anything by Lovecraft, and only know a few basic things about the Cthulhu mythos. Somehow, I still enjoyed A Study In Emerald. The fics below are ones I found interesting despite my lack of background knowledge.

Black Shuck by Aquila @ AO3 Gen, horror/supernatural, casefic Summary: There are things lurking on the moors that man was not meant to know -- but Sherlock Holmes is not most men. (A retelling of The Hound of the Baskervilles, Cthulhu-style.)

The Incident of the Opera House by Wasuremono @ AO3 Gen, horror/supernatural, casefic Summary: Another case for Albion's consulting detective: high culture, grave danger... and Irene Adler.

The Terror from Bohemia: Being the Reminiscences of John H. Watson, M.D., in the Year of the Old Ones 745 by Satchelfoot @ AO3 Gen, horror/supernatural Summary: Holmes and Watson, having escaped to the rookery of St. Giles, meet a mysterious woman who also has a talent for killing royalty.

* Under by Nonesane @ AO3 Watson/Mary Morstan, implied Holmes/Watson, slice of life Summary: A look into the life of Mary Morstan, in the year of Her Majesty 1883.

The Whitechapel Case by Merlin Missy @ AO3 Gen, drabble Summary: Holmes and Watson meet the Ripper.

Also see: The Case of Death and Honey, Neil Gaiman’s other pastiche, not set in a Cthulhu mythos universe.

Without a Clue

The AO3 tag for this had a manageable 15 works when I last checked, and I think it’s a case of quality over quantity.