#but reeeeaaal slow

[cookinguptales]

update on my trip to nyc:

went up to nyc, met some old friends and made some new ones, had a really lovely evening at Sleep No More. but... well, the thing about having a chronic illness is that it can be very difficult to gauge how an evening will hit you. it was cold out so I thought I'd be fine, but boyyyy I had a real rough night in the McKittrick. I've never been closer to just tapping out and going back to the Manderley to hang out. when I say I almost dropped like a fuckin' ROCK when an audience member hip-checked me at the end. lmao

so then I'd had all these plans for Monday, y'know? go see Pinocchio or see the Pinocchio exhibit at MOMA, maybe see another movie or have a nice lunch. y'know, something like that. but I was feeling so bad that it was just like. yeah this has become an endurance contest.

I always feel like I have to make the absolute most of my trips to NYC because I have so many opportunities to do things there that I can't do in Philly, but you also need to remember that vacations should be fun and not excruciatingly painful!

so I ended up breaking down and paying a little bit extra to move my train ticket up. went home a few hours early. passed the fuck out for thirteen hours. which tells me that I made the right decision to come home early, honestly. if I'd pushed it much further, I could've done some real lasting damage, and I have a work deadline this week.

so  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯? you win some, you lose some. lmao. still had a lovely Sunday night, even if Monday was kind of a bust.

[tolerateit]

you know when you're a reading a book and it's so good you want to make it last so you try to read it reeeeaaal slow but then it gets to a point where you NEED to know what happens next except tearing through it means the experience will be over soon so you check out the author to see if they have published more books because if they have you could immediately start another one once you're done with this current one and then then the second book doesn't hit the way the first one did so you ended up speeding through the first one to get through the second one for nothing and there's nothing the world has to offer you except for disappointment you know what i mean?

[yeetmetotahiti]

The Rat Twins in a shady motel room with their s/o

Chop Top:

Don’t even ask how or why he got a motel room for you two. He just did.

He did this for one reason and one reason only, the #sex!

And he’s never been so excited before! Finally some alone time with you without one of his brothers barging in. Or Drayton beating him with the broom.

As soon as you arrive he’s already biting and sucking on your neck. You can barely get the room door open before he’s pounced on you!

He’s gonna leave bruises so dark on your neck and collar bone they’ll be there for a week! Also....he’s a biter. So you’re gonna have bite marks all over you. But especially your inner thighs.

And this may have to do with him being a cannibal, but he’s reeeeaaal good at eating you out. He’s gonna leave you a quivering mess and his face is gonna be dripping with your juices.

His favorite thing to do is finger you to the edge and then leave you hanging. He does this multiple times and each time he loves it more and more. You begging for him just gets him going!

When you (and him) physically cannot take it anymore, that’s when he’s gonna ram right into you! No warning either, he’s feral what do you want??

Don’t plan on this night ending anytime soon because he’s gonna make you cum at least 4 times that night. You’d think he’d be exhausted by the end of the second round but he has so much energy!

He especially loves watching his semen dripping out of you. It inflates his ego and gets him hard all over again. The boy has a breeding kink and you can’t change my mind!

The boy is loud!! Not exactly moaning, more like grunts and the occasional whine.

I hope you don’t have any upcoming plans because you’re gonna be so sore you can barely walk after he’s done with you.

He’s a horny goblin what did you expect?

Nubbins:

Unlike his brother he didn’t even bother paying for the room, he literally just barged in. Whether people were there or not, doesn’t matter to him. He’ll quickly kick them out though.

Just like his brother, his hands are gonna be all over you! His favorite part of yours are your breasts and he loves to squeeze and grope them any chance he gets. He especially loves to motor boat and suck on them. He has mommy issues, ok?

He likes to leave hickies too, just not as much. He’d rather suck and bite on your nipples than anywhere else.

He doesn’t like to eat you out, but he will finger you for hours! It gives him a god complex. That he can make you feel and react this way and that he’s completely in charge of the situation. He’d nut right there if he could.

Each time you cum he can feel himself get hotter and hotter. His dick twitches every so often and it’s killing him. He finally loses it, and without warning, he sheath himself all the way inside you. Whether you were ready or not.

Dig your nails into his back until he’s bleeding, he looooves that! Also yank on his hair and degrad him. He gets off so much on that!

Like I said before, he’s gonna be sucking and biting on your nipples, and his hands are going to leave bruises on your hips.

If you’re feeling extra spicy, flip him over and ride him. He loves when you choke him. And take it reeeeeaaaallll slow. He’s gonna lose his mind at that.

The camera is, of course, going to be involved somehow. He’ll either be taking random candids the whole time or he’s gonna set it on a time so it takes random photos every so often.

He’s gonna nut to those when he’s out on the road and away from you. Don’t even doubt that. Those are his most prized photos and he takes them everywhere in his pouch with him.

He also loves to watch his cum ooze out of you. He’ll wipe it up with his fingers and stick it back into you. Or make you suck on his fingers. It’s whatever he feels like doing that night.

Oh also, he’s a moaner. I hope you don’t get embarrassed easily because he is not quiet.

[shawnsmusical]

That's how u ride when u have to ride reeeeaaal slow so that paps can take pictures! Every pic counts! 🤪

[vaguely-concerned]

Let’s Read Victory of Eagles; the Prepare to Cry About William Laurence Edition

earlier temeraire let’s reads (yes I’m sticking with it)

- oh man starting with temeraire’s pov is such a good call, I don’t know if I could take getting plunged straight into laurence’s misery without some (very slight) levity first 

- lol and also crey @ laurence gently reminding these young guys how to keep him prisoner 

- temeraire on his way to revolutionize dragon politics after one damn month... I’m so proud ;___; on the other hand him thinking laurence is dead is... nope not processing this laurence is fine let’s not worry about it

- SURPRISE THARKAY! BEST KIND OF SURPRISE 

looool he just keeps coming to get laurence and finding him embroiled in some fresh catastrophe... I’m sorry ur bro is in another castle/war camp/ship wreck/prison tharkay you’re a champ for tracking him down again and again

- He has a new birb!!! good stuff. this part of them walking through the quiet ruined town is really striking too

- laurence feels like he can be just himself for the first time in months huh... cool cool cool

- “You and Temeraire would be welcome in other parts of the world. You may recall there is some semblance of civilization,” he added dryly, “in a few places, beyond the borders of England.”

fsdakhfdasdfsaflj a) I love him so much b) I  g u e s s  Tharkay kind of just asked Laurence to run away with him in his low-key sardonic way... super triple extra cool cool cool extremely admirable even if he and everyone else in the world knows it to be doomed 

resting his hand on his shoulder because he knows Laurence is gonna be Laurence about this... yeah okay just punch me in the heart

- tfw the guy you sort of have a thing for is determined to get himself killed for a government you feel exactly zero personal loyalty to and now you have to watch his back 🙄

- lol laurence is like ‘I’m not gonna start a fistfight’ 

five minutes later: granby pulls laurence out of a fistfight he started because someone talked shit about his dragon

- aw demane and sipho! good boys bein’ good boys 

- temeraire reciting principia mathematica to himself and changing his voice so he can pretend it’s laurence reading to him... that is under the belt naomi novik that is just mean

(all the funnier/more heartbreaking for knowing laurence has no fucking idea what he’s reading out loud when it comes to that book and would never have touched it if temeraire didn’t love it so much)

- “Oh,” Temeraire said, and sat back on his haunches. He was not quite sure what to say. “I am very sorry?” he offered, uncertainly. He supposed it must be very unpleasant to be a coward.

fjfjghfgj how is he so darling

- tbh perscitia is very much me when it comes to fighting; I too am small and slow and cripplingly overly aware of all the ways things can go wrong which everyone seems happy to overlook

- as a professional tharkay spotter: he is in fact present in the proceedings right now, he arrived at the same time as granby and had one (1) line of dialogue! I am not sure why everyone’s talking about this napoleon fella instead of specifying to me what precise dragon he hitched a ride with or what kind of babysitter arrangement he has put in place for his birb but y’know I’ll take what I can get

(there is a peculiar sort of satisfaction in getting reeeeaaal attached to a side character; this reminds me a lot of being nine and scrupulously scanning every page of a harry potter book for mentions of sirius, no matter how peripheral or inconsequential) 

- all of temeraire’s dragons are pure gold tbh, I especially like majestatis and his laconic competency (I may have a type)

- temeraire not getting why laurence isn’t responding to him quite as he should and laurence basically getting his affairs in order... William Laurence if you break both our hearts I will never fucking forgive you this is my stern voice

- adding a second (and tonally very different) pov is such a genius move at this point in the story; it really breathes new life into everything. 

- lady allendale is the real mvp, you can really see a lot of laurence’s good sides in a straight line from her to him

- oooooooooooooooooooooh roland dropping some truth bombs on laurence for being so very very honorable and so very very dumb

thank you jane I guess at least he’s pretty

- having to read laurence trying to convince all the people who love him to basically let him kill himself is extremely upsetting and I Do Not Care for it

- temeraire absent-mindedly putting ‘coming up with some way to let laurence live as long as me’ on his ‘to do’ list is Everything

but also he doesn’t even realize how wrong things are with his captain and I want to curl up in a ball. no bb no one is going to take him but he’s halfway through taking himself out :(

(I will say that there’s something about laurence’s incredible inflexibility and self loathing that is very relatable, which is probably why I’m so mad at him and also so scared for him. incidentally one of hanzo’s traits I really identify with. anyway onwards)

- ah of course granby was kidnapped I was wondering when something bad would happen to him in this book

- “You are not obliged -- ” Laurence began.

“No,” Tharkay agreed civilly, with one raised brow, and Laurence bowed and left it there. 

fdsfdklsalkjhfkjasdhfjkadshdsfhksdfjakh how... how can anyone be so impossibly lovely and so sarcastic in one word... my heart feels so full

but also ow b/c I think tharkay does see the state laurence is in and it must be extremely stressful to look out for all the swords your bro is determined to throw himself on 

- oF ALL THE DOORSTEPS IN ALL OF LONDON THEY HAD TO END UP AT LAURENCE’S EX’S how many mirrors has this poor man broken to end up here 

- oh uh wow I think I just murdered woolvey’s shitty racist ass with my mind I never even knew I had the power

- Tharkay seeming to suss out the whole Situation here at a glance... *prayer hands emoji*

-  Tharkay shook his head, and when Laurence looked at him said quietly: “It must be difficult to follow an officer of public repute, in the affections of a woman who loves courage.”

...

“My reputation is hardly one any sensible man would covet.”

“It does not name you a coward,” Tharkay said. “Whatever has Bertram Woolvey done?”

as observed completely impartially except for that one awful enormous crush he is developing lol

- oh no... woolvey died... this is... terrible.... *insert ‘shocked’ captain kirk reaction image here*

okay it does put edith in a genuinely awful situation, which super sucks. everything around her is like the one part of laurence’s self loathing that is sort of justified: he’s been making her life so much harder for so long. first she had to worry about her not-even-husband-yet getting lost at sea and he seems pretty emotionally distant, for all that he can be sweet, then he adopts a dragon and she is SUCH AN AFTERTHOUGHT to him in that process (because, as I have discussed earlier, william laurence should just not ask people to marry him b/c he never. actually. means. it. he just thinks he should I think)

and then, after finally disentangling herself emotionally from that she manages to marry a dude who’s a twit, but a twit who by all appearances treats her well and she’s happy -- and then Laurence shows up for three fucking hours and her HUSBAND IS SHOT DEAD 

most of laurence’s guilt is the useless self-flagellation of depression, but in this one case I’m a bit more ‘yeah okay valid bro’

- Laurence’s tendency to describe, in minute detail, what some dude is wearing even under the most dire of circumstances is so endearing. (also he barely ever does it with women; usually it’s like ‘and she was wearing idk a dress?’ lol)

- laurence’s superpower is inspiring people’s affection and loyalty and then wondering why they’re all not cool with him throwing himself off a cliff

- is tharkay like basically a scottish lord on his dad’s side and has been fucked over by either the system or the rest of his family. are you fucking kidding me jfksadflsadfj

- oh. oh okay that’s the king that’s super extra salt in the wound for our golden boy :I

- NOOOOOOOOOOO TEMERAIRE THINKS LAURENCE MIGHT BE ANGRY WITH HIM!!!!!! LAURENCE YOU BEAUTIFUL USELESS DUMBASS PLEASE SNAP OUT OF YOUR DEPRESSION LONG ENOUGH TO TELL YOUR DRAGON SON YOU’RE NOT ANGRY WITH HIM OR SO HELP ME I’LL... CRY AT YOU I GUESS

- okay so this is all very bleak and... borderline war crime-y and laurence is clearly In A Bad Way but also demane has just put every scrap of clothing he could find on his little brother, who now can barely walk for all the layers but is presumably nice and warm, and my heart is doing strange things in my chest

- “Laurence, what are you doing?” 

*ELMO SURROUNDED IN FLAMES GIF* MY BOY THARKAY BEING THE REAL MVP ASKING THE REAL QUESTIONS

this whole scene is so brief but so good fkdslahfaklsdhfaskld laurence literally slipping back out of dissociation and noticing the smells and sounds around him again... this is So Much, tharkay you fucking miracle of a man  

- there is something incredibly interesting about how laurence is just viscerally terrified by the things tharkay seems to represent to him -- that’s at least twice now that he’s thought straight out, in pretty much the same words, that tharkay’s way of living seems achingly lonely and untethered and frightening to him. (the first time is in black powder war, just as he’s about to give the offer of friendship that tharkay seems equal parts confused and touched by lol) laurence has this intense need to be part of something bigger than himself and doesn’t trust himself to know what’s right (...even tho he’ll historically still occasionally go off and do The Right Thing despite orders anyway because he’s a beautiful idiot), while tharkay obviously puts freedom and autonomy faaaar above any of that (understandably, from his background lol) 

and still it’s exactly this dude who woke laurence up to himself again and reminded him who he really is. this is the man he knew he’d be ‘sorrier to lose than yet I know’ and gooooddamn if he wasn’t right about that. I’m not ready to be coherent about it yet but uh wow this is A Lot

- the way novik writes laurence dissociating is. a bit too close to home, I’m not thrilled about this haha 

- LAURENCE IS TALKING TO HIS DRAGON SON AGAIN AND I CAN FINALLY BREATHE THANK YOU THARKAY

- also let me specify that tharkay coming in and ending laurence’s breakdown by just showing him that he, y’know. doesn’t have to commit borderline war crimes if he doesn’t want to is... yeah. when he’s like ‘yeah no bro I like you and all but this is fucked up I’m out’ and Laurence slowly puts the pieces together and goes ‘...that... is an option? F U C K’  is the Good Stuff (I’m being flippant about it but also I really mean it lol)  

- temeraire is giving the french uniforms the side eye for being boring and admiring the kilts... god bless him, focusing on the real things on the eve of battle

- gOD lien is so fucking COOL, celestial who actually knows wtf she’s doing OP pls nerf

ETA: also I’ve looked up some spoilers for the rest of this series (b/c there’s a couple of characters now who I’m so attached to that if they die I don’t even fucking care anymore lol), and apparently they never get to fight lien/meet her for too long again and can I just say... What The Fuck, why would you come up with such a compelling antagonist and not use her???  

- Tharkay, straight(hah)-faced: yeah I’m coming with you to australia on this prison ship nbd just curious about it that’s all 

Laurence, blinking back tears, barely getting the words out: cool bro 

(I think laurence has been like. crying or on the verge of crying in every single scene he and tharkay have been alone in this entire book. tharkay saw laurence through an ugly ugly divorce (with the government of england if not the land) and is still going with him to fucking australia. that’s how you know it’s love tbh, he’s done for)

also for the meme: AND THEY WERE SHIPMATES! OH MY GOD THEY WERE SHIPMATES!

ALSO also: tharkay getting granby a drink fdsafjsalkdjfh best boy, best friend 

- not connected to anything but I do appreciate that laurence is a rare extremely extroverted protagonist. he just really needs people around him and sort of wilts when he’s isolated, whether by circumstance or his own Stuff.  

- Oh man I really liked this one! the pacing worked better than the last one, the dual pov really shook things up, the new dragon characters were cool and Laurence had a lot of character development that has been in the cards since book 1, even if it was really upsetting while it happened. and Tharkay was there a lot, which is the surest way to my heart at this point, to be fair. 

[gee-at-target]

A couple weeks ago i had the RUDEST older white dude came in it was TERRIBLE

Im up at Guest Service and its late so its fairly slow so im just cleaning up the counters and putting strays and damages in their appropriate locations.

Now while im doing this, this dude walks up and just kinda leans on the baby registry table (which is off to the side of the GS registers) and doesnt look at me or make any indication he needs me. Just hunches over the table and starts fucking around on his phone.

Now i just assume hes waiting for someone to finish shopping (as most people do) and continue my cleaning. Now im not hidden im at the front counters organizing and preping for me to close all the damage boxes in a little while, still nothing from this dude. Ok w e.

Eventually this lady walks over that i had been helping her earlier with an exchange for some baby items. So she comes over and i immediately stop what im doing and go to finish the exchange when the Dude goes "UM you see me waiting here" as im mid finishing out her transaction.

I look over and im like "Oh im so sorry sir, you didnt say anything so i didnt realize you were waiting! Let me just finish this and ill help you. Sorry about that."

He starts huffing and bitching under his breath and while im literally finishing the exchange more people get in line and he starts complaining to them about me and they just kinda, ignore him.

So once im done with the lady i turn to the dude (who is STILL at the registry table and when i asked if he wanted to get in line so people wouldnt try to cut him he said "no u can see me standing here") and beckon him over and ask how i could help him today. He just chucks a bag at me with i think a t shirt or sth inside and im like ok are u returning? Do u havr the receipt the card etc? And the whole time im TRYING to talk to him and ask him questions hes just cutting me off and REFUSING to let me speak. So then he says he doesnt have the receipt and wants store credit. So i ask for his id and start a no receipt id return when it says hes hit the limit to do returns on his id

Of course

So i tell him i cant do the return but he can do an exchange if he wanted and he gets MAD. and basically throws his credit card at me saying he bought it on there yadda yadda and then the whole time starts berating me to my face saying shit like "Yeah reeeeaaal good job, youre good at your job" etc in a mocking tone

And it was just a terrible time

[ch0cobros]

CHIIIEEEE!!! I adored the Ignis x Reader fic so much T^T as you know I’m madly in love with a certain blonde haired chocobo lover~ Can I request a little fic with the moment that Prompto realises he’s in love with the reader? ;)

A/N: Ask, and you shall receive. ;)Pairing: Prompto Argentum x ReaderWord Count: ~745

With the way the sunlight had hit yourfeatures, his heart stopped.

Your freckles, the hues of your eyes, and theway you smiled, it were as if everything that was right in the world hadwrapped themselves around his heart of gold, and grasped it tightly. He wasspeechless, staring at you through his camera’s viewfinder with a finger readyto press the shutter button.

Although with the way time had seeminglyslowed down, it did not register in his mind to actually do just that.

He watched you from where he stood a metreaway. He listened to you coo at the chocobo that had held your attention andaffections then, a form of a twinkle resting within your gaze as it ate thegreens from your hand. And when you did that little thing that you had donenumerous times before — the bit where you’d scrunch your nose just a tad,innocence writing itself all over your expression — Prompto could not stop hisown grin from escaping; his boyish charm making itself known to an extent.

Even though you had often called him a ball ofsunshine, he found that the true sun was no one otherthan the person who stood before him right there.

Then you turned your head and lookeddirectly into the camera, his stare meeting yours, but not quite. You werestill smiling, your expression nothing short of being free, and you were sayingsomething, though Astrals knew that he barely heard a thing. The gears in hismind were working, however, thinking and pondering, acknowledging thetenderness that had grown in his chest as for the first time ever, he thought,Gods, she is…

Adorable? Cute?Gorgeous? Beautiful?                                                          

All sorts of adjectives undoubtedly ranthrough that head of his, failing to find one that completely and utterly—

Perfect.

You were perfect, he thought.

“Prompto, are you even listening?”

Your question finally broke him from hisreverie, a small stammer leaving his lips upon the realisation that you wereindeed talking to him.

“H-huh? Oh, yeah, I’m listenin’,” he toldyou, “Hearing you loud and clear, Boss.”

You scoffed at his usual nickname for you,still not quite understanding as to why he had given it in the first place. Hementioned that it was because you always managed to drag him out and around andabout, and often had a habit of ‘ordering’ him to do something trivial (such asholding your grocery bags, he supposed), as if you were a leader to befollowed.

Truth be told, you weren’t giving himauthoritative instructions, you were… asking for help.

“Really?” You lifted a brow in amusement,“So what did I say?”

“You were telling me that the chocobolooked reeeeaaal cute and that…” He paused for a short moment as he raisedhis head slightly from behind the camera, pretending to recall what had beensaid a minute prior, “You wanted to take one home.”

You laughed, and it would have been a lieif he were to tell others that he did not want to hear it again.

“Prompto, I said that five minutes ago!”

Damn it, you caught onto him.

“You know, I’m pretty sure that you justsaid that.” He tried to ease the situation, to swerve out of the road toembarrassment. But with the gradual reddening of his cheeks, he knew that itwas simply too late to avoid the teasing that was bound to be of consequence.

Again, you laughed and, much to his heartthat could not be stilled, winked because you just knew. But somewhat provinghim wrong, you left it there and diverted your attention back to the brightchocobo, “I was just asking whether the photo looked nice.”

“Any photo that has you as the model,” ashe spoke, Prompto finally took the opportunity to actually snap a shot, “willalways look nice.”

You threw him a look, completed withsquinted eyes and the attempt to suppress a smile. “Flatterer.” You told him.

Another click of the shutter and he beamedat you as he brought the camera to his chest, “It’s called honesty!”

And honesty had gotten him so far that day,for as he continued to observe the way you bathed in the sun’s setting glow,unafraid to simply be yourself — especially around someone like him — he realisedthen that there was no running from the reality of him loving you.

[akanekinomoto]

day 124 • sat4may19 This was a tough day. M wouldn’t sleep throughout the entire day and was extremely fussy the whole time. My feet were hurting from all the back and forth with her on my arms... but then I had a LISS #bbgworkout so I went out for a run. Reeeeaaal slow run, but it felt great! . . . . . . #365days #365photochallenge #365project #akane365days #unitedinmotherhood #motherhoodrising #honestmotherhood #candidchildhood #thepursuitofjoyproject #documentlife #selfportrait #selfie #vscofilter #vscoedit #vscocamdaily #momlife #momofgirls #momof2 #grlpwr #motherdaughter #thisismotherhood #sharetheeverymom #bbgmoms #bbgmomsover30 #postpartumfitness #sweatapp #sweat #bbg (at Benfica, Lisboa, Portugal) https://www.instagram.com/p/BxJ5pM3HnzF/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=fpss3vxsgnu5

[negandarylsatisfaction]

[illusioncanthurtme]

I have a tendency to fall in love with shows from the early 2000s....... and isnt it my luck that this one never got a second season :’DDDDD but I can’t help myself from drawing it and now im super obsessed! Ive only watched the first four episodes so don’t spoil anything~ (I’m watching this show reeeeaaal slow so i can try to enjoy it haha)

[eternally-nurturing]

You open you mouth to respond, but he is gone. You blink in surprise and look over the edge. Huh. He's not down there. If he had jumped he likely would have broken his legs. Your rainbow drinker body is harder to break than an average troll, but this looks too high for even you to jump from.

"Cute. Reeeeaaal cute." You say to the empty space The Nocture occupied only seconds before. You look around, then you see it. There's a tall tree about 10 feet away from the floating gazebo, and about 25 feet down. -That- you can do. You focus your eyes on the tree. It's bare of foliage, but covered in sharp thorns. Well it's your only option.

You step back to the very edge of the gazebo, and employ your rainbow drinker speed. You jump, and realize right away you're not going to land right. You almost miss the tree, but are able to catch a branch with your hand. It slows your fall, but the thorns tear your skin and the branch snaps.

You land hard, but you do land on your feet. You pluck the thorns from your hand and lick the wound.

"Dirty pool old man." You say to yourself with a humored huff. Of course, you don't know if he's old. You suspect he may be much older than he looks though.

As the wounds on your hand begin to close, you look around. There is really only one direction to go, so you step forward into the labyrinth of stone and vine....

A dream?