#but recently I'll get hungry and some little part of my brain is like “don't eat just yet. wait until /this/ time and you'll get skinny”

[cicadidae-tm9899]

Y'know...i think wearing earbuds like 24/7 and playing my music and shows super loud probably isn't the best for my hearing..

[demonsfate]

LAYER ONE: THE OUTSIDE.

name: abaddon, but only azazel knows him by that name. most call him devil, but some will call him devil jin or, more affectionately, dj

eye color: bright red, gold post purification.

hair style/color: raven spiky hair, ends split since it's a lil messy, bangs hang down his face but are parted in the middle.

height: 6'0"

clothing style: gothic - like, usually prefers to wear black, even if it's just casual tees. he loves wearing suits & big jackets because he thinks they make him resemble a king. he loves leather, too. to adorn his look, sometimes he'll wear a necklace.

best physical feature: eyes & lips. but he does have an 8-pack ...

LAYER TWO: THE INSIDE.

your fears: "is it weird to say i can't think of anything? i suppose the only fear i have as of current is failing jin and the people i care about."

your guilty pleasure: "why would i feel ... okay, i do sometimes smell humans, and get hungry ... i really like smelling them because of that, but i'll never eat somebody again, i swear."

your ambitions for the future: “before, i wanted to conquer the world, and eventually eradicate humanity. now? i think i just want to live with jin. i know i'll never make up for my actions, but i hope to make amends as much as i can."

LAYER THREE: THOUGHTS.

your first thoughts waking up: “i wonder what jin will do today, and what i'll do when he gives me my time of the day. it feels like i can do so much yet so little at the same time...”

what you think about most: "i spend a lot of time thinking about the past. yes, it's something i've accepted, but it's still something that creeps up on me at times. a habit i need to get over.”

what you think about before bed: "excited to find out what i'll learn about humans and living tomorrow."

what you think your best quality is: "my strength. i think i'm capable of using it for good.”

WHAT’S BETTER?

single or group dates: “every date's a group date when you share your body with someone.”

to be loved or respected: “hm... loved.”

beauty or brains: “can i say strength?”

dogs or cats:  “i don't know... cats climb me, but dogs bark at me, both of which annoy me. can i say neither?”

LAYER FIVE: DO YOU…

lie:  “aside from fighting, lying used to be what i was best at. i try to refrain from it now.”

believe in yourself: “absolutely.”

believe in love: “i do now.”

want someone: “yes.”

LAYER SIX: EVER BEEN…

been on stage: “what kind of stage? i used to give many speeches as the zaibatsu leader.”

done drugs: “weed, i guess.”

changed who you were to fit in: “does pretending to be someone else for the benefit of a plan counts?”

LAYER SEVEN: FAVORITES.

favorite color: “black and red!”

favorite animal: “i'm still not very interested in animals. Birds are somewhat fascinating, though.”

favorite movie: “jin and i watched riki-oh recently and it was funny."

favorite game: “super mario bros. 3 has been quite entertaining."

LAYER EIGHT: AGE.

day your next birthday will be: “august 5th.”

how old will you be: “23, i guess.”

age you lost your virginity: “hmm...” ( depends on verse, but usually 21/22)

does age matter: “sometimes. usually i prefer someone within my age range. obviously, i don't want them 80, and i don't want them to be children either, yuck.”

LAYER NINE: IN A PERSON.

best personality: "i like confident people who are strong and can put up a good fight. high spirited people who are ready to take on the world are to be admired."

best eye color: “it doesn't matter much to me.”

best hair color: “this also doesn't matter much, but i prefer darker hair colors over lighter.”

best thing to do with a partner: "bowling! or volleyball! or eating together! or sparring! or gaming! there are a lot of fun things to do with a partner. i might even find more fun things to do soon!”

LAYER TEN: FINISH THE SENTENCE.

i love: “relaxing in bed with a nice sandwich after a long, busy day.”

i feel: “grateful.”

i hide: “nothing, not anymore.”

i miss: “the zaibatsu's wealth.”

i wish: “things could've been different from the start.”

TAGGED BY: i did this a while ago lol. but i realized a lot of the information was outdated and has been changed since then. though, i also answered this as pre-purified devil, as this was an old thing before tek8 was released. it was still outdated tho. answered this as purified devil bc... even if dj was like That for a while, he is purified in current / main verse, so...

TAGGING: since it's been a while since i filled this, i'll try to tag new ppl i think haven't done it yet. @rockstarsoldier @ourladyoflight @littledancingphoenix @bravesung @bittcnneck

[galaxyedging]

More of Us Part 4

Joel Miller x f!reader

WC:2.7

Warning: Swearing. Gore. Jumping the shark.

A steady beep tapped at your unconsciousness. Each beep never changing but growing louder to you as you awoke. The small steps your brain took to being aware ending in a giant leap as everything came back to you. Bolting upright you were caught by two strong, warm, world-worn hands.

"Joel?" Your voice croaked out.

"Easy now. Doctor's had a put a couple of stitches in." Your side throbbed as if to confirm his words. "Thankfully, it looked much worse than it was. They said you passed out because of the physical exertion."

"What did you tell them?" It didn't hurt as much as you thought it would to sit up in the raised bed.

"The truth. Kind of. I said my daughter decided to creep into an abandoned building, it nearly being Halloween and all. We went to find her, we heard a scream, we ran around the place to find a way in, you injured yourself climbed out of an old smashed up window. It was the best I could come up with to explain the state of us all and I haven't seen any cops yet." Joel sighed.

"You're awake!" Ellie came over to your bedside.

From the looks of things she had made herself comfortable in the chair in the corner of the hospital room. There was a blanket and the small table next to it was littered with candy wrappers. "Did Joel tell you how we got here?!" You weren't sure if her bubbly tone was excitement or sugar rush.

"It can wait. Just give her some space." Joel ushered Ellie away a little.

"No, tell me. How did we get here?" Grabbing his arm he turned back to you. Joel's brow furrowed in thought. "Well, we were in the apartment with Sam and Henry, you were on the floor. I was looking how to stop the bleeding then everything was blurry for a few seconds. Like I had chlorine in my eyes or something then we were in your house. You were on your bed. I was still next to you holding the wound. Ellie was to the left of me like she was before."

"It was so cool! We were then we were here. Teleportation, like in my comics." Ellie was beside herself with excitement.

"Alright, kid. That's enough. Are you hungry?" Joel's hand gently covered yours, still gripping his arm.

"Always." Ellie chimed in.

"I wasn't talkin' to you but I'll get you something too." He nudged her with his shoulder. She was now perched at the bottom of your bed. "I hope you don't mind I had to use your credit card." He gestured to Ellie's discarded wrappers.

"That's fine." You smiled. "I am kinda hungry."

"I'll get you, both, something to eat. Ellie stay with her." He finished over his shoulder as walked out of the room.

"So do you think you're a superhero or mutant?" Ellie leaned forward on her elbows, like a kindergartener at story time.

"What?" You huffed a laugh at her. "What are you talking about?"

"How else do you explain it? Every time you fall asleep we end up someone else. It's a pretty BS superpower if you have to fall asleep to use it." After dropping that bomb on you she pulled a half eaten packet of M&Ms from her pocket and tossed some in her mouth.

Sitting there dumbfounded, you had to admit it made sense. In a completely ridiculous, there's no way that's an actual thing, kinda way.

Your whole life you were much more at home in fantastical worlds. TV shows like Buffy, Stargate, Charmed, books and video games gave you a sense of peace in a world you struggled in. If anyone had prepared to suddenly to throw into some weird ass situation it was you. Think of it like Scream. They tried to use the rules to survive. Now, what are the rules when it comes to suddenly gaining weird powers? Family legacies. Given your unremarkable family, that didn't seem like a front runner. No brushes with radioactive waste in recent memory. No bites from any creatures. No mysterious objects suddenly come into your possession, no lamps, or coins. You hadn't read from any forbidden books. Well, maybe a couple forbidden in some states but nothing old or bound in human skin, no gold plated tombs. You hadn't lit any candles, not that you were a virgin. You weren't part of any shady government experiments. None that you knew of anyway. That thought chilled you until Joel's return warmed you up. He sat at the end of your bed, opposite Ellie. He held out a few sandwiches, letting you and Ellie choose which ones you wanted first. The three of you shared the small space comfortably, talking and eating. Ellie's knee pressed into your calf. Joel's thigh pressed into your leg, one of his hands rested on top of it. It felt like the little slice of domesticity that was missing from your life.

At that point you realised that it didn't matter where the hell this 'gift' came from. All that mattered was that you didn't ever use it again. Joel and Ellie deserved this life, these simple moments as a family. Whether that family could eventually include you, you didn't care, you just wanted to do right by them. After dinner, Ellie's sugar rush wore off, she curled up in her chair in the corner, falling asleep quickly. Joel carefully covering her with a blanket caused a smile to bloom on your face and an ache to grow in your heart. There was no way you were letting them down, you had to figure this craziness out.

Joel returned to your bedside. "You should be getting some sleep now too, Sugar." Tears brimmed in your eyes. With the sharp reflexes of a man used to jumping into action, Joel's hands were cradling your face instantly. "Hey, what's the matter?"

"What if I take us back? Every time I fall asleep we end up someone else. What if we go back or to somewhere else?" The new thought came straight out of your mouth before you had time to process it. Was it possible for you to take them somewhere else? Possible seemed a more abstract term when you were being comforted by a video game character, while recovering from an injury in their world.

"So what if you do?" Joel's question took you by surprise. "We can handle it. Look, our world ain't easy. You just have to keep going. I've seen the alternative and it ain't for me. I got the kid to help, I got...well.." Joel Miller, survivor, killer, whatever you wanted to label him, actually blushed. A pink ting grew on his olive cheeks. Only slightly worsened by your fingers lacing with his on the bed.

"What else to you have Joel?" Teasing him your lips curled into a smirk, one that he soon kissed away.

"Seriously, what do you do to me? I feel like a teenager again." He sighed between kissed.

Another thought stabbed at you. Faking a yawn you avoided his lips. "Come on, lay down now. We'll be with you when you wake up."

Shuffling down in the bed, Joel pulled the covers over you before sitting in the chair next to you, one hand running tenderly up and down your back. Facing away from him you curled into a ball as if you could cradle your thoughts to keep them hidden from him. What if whatever powers you had weren't just about teleportation, what of they were about getting what you wanted? You had wanted Joel. You had wanted a hospital. If you were honest with yourself being in their world was a twisted thrill. Or maybe your self sabotaging tendencies sent you back there.

Joel's hand eventually dropped away from your back. With them both asleep, decided to go for a walk. Throwing back the last few sips of Joel's discarded, and now very cold, coffee you slipped out of bed. The floor was freezing on your feet, hopefully that could help keep you awake. Your phone sat on the table next to you. Maybe Google had some answers. Tiptoeing out of the room, you waited until the light from your screen couldn't disturb Joel or Ellie to unlock it. Tapping your search bar, you stood looking at the little line blinking at you, waiting for to type. It's steady flashing felt like an act of aggression because you had no idea what to type. The little line taunted you. This whole thing was beyond even Reddit's collective deductive skills. Maybe your time would be better spend researching The Last of Us. After avoiding spoilers for years you had very little knowledge of it. Only thanks to various YouTube thumbnails do you know that they both make it to Part 2. The fact that it's only Ellie on the cover art makes you uneasy but that was something you could pack away for now seeing as there's a five year gap between the games.

Before you knew it, your feet had taken you deeper into the hospital. It was dark and the silence bordered on eerie. The feeling of being watched crawled up your spine. Whipping around you were relieved to see a nurse leaving a patient's room. "Are you alright?"

"Yes. Thank you. I'm just stretching my legs." You smiled at her.

Satisfied she turned to be on her way. With the uneasy feeling gone, you turn to be on your way as well. Walking straight into a wall of muscle, a needle bit at the skin of you neck. It was sunk in deep before you could do anything about it.

Coming to you took in your surroundings. "If I had a nickel for every time I've woke up in a clinical white room. I'd have two nickels. Definitely weird that it's happened twice in a week." You muttered to yourself.

Rising out of the bed you made the short walk to the door.

"Move away from the door please. The doctor will be with you shortly." A woman's voice came over the loud speaker. It was one of those ones that you couldn't quite peg if it was a real person or not. Polite but monotone.

The woman that entered soon after was definitely real, even if she didn't act that way. "Subject 19. Sit down on the bed."

"What?" Your mouth hung open as she moved towards you, backing you onto the bed.

"Any pain? Blurred vision?" She shone a light in your eyes.

"No, I'm fine. Where am I?" You shrugged her off.

"The Director will be with you in a moment." With that she left you alone again.

'Shady government experiment' shot right to the top of your possible answers. 'It was all a dream' was becoming your new favourite possibility. Even if it meant give up Joel, and Ellie, you weren't cut out for this. Pushing on with daily life wore you out some times, how in the hell were you going to deal with all this? Your self pity party was brought to an unceremonious end when four men entered the room. Two solider types, dressed in black, carrying large guns. Two wearing suits, one of them carried himself with an air of authority, the other scurried behind him.

"Wh...?" 'The Director', you assumed, cut you off.

"Subject 19. Your new talent is the result of one of our many experiments on other worlds. Some experiments had unfortunate side affects. The Cerdycorp outbreak for example. The people of that world proved less resilient than others. We've released similar viruses on multiple worlds. Some just produced a type of pandemic. Some product a spike in minor illneses. Some produce people like you. People we have cultivated over the years, adding something here and there to otherwise harmless vaccinations. Peole who can travel between worlds. Some are just able to travel with their minds. Some aren't even aware of their abilities. They believe the things they see to be dreams or hallucinations. They may even draw on these dreams as inspiration for cheap entertainment." You doubted a man like him could be amused but he definitely wasn't with that last notion.

"So Joel and Ellie are real? They are from another world, just like The Last of Us?" There were so many mixed feelings there, sorrow for them, joy for you. Then overwhelming anger. "And apparently I'm from fucking Fringe! You're experimenting on people? You son of a bitch!" Two guns trained on you before you could take two steps towards the subject of your anger. He hadn't even flinched.

"I took you, an unremarkable woman, and made you something special. I would have thought you would be grateful." The anger burned hotter in your veins, it blocked out all common sense and self preservation. Readying yourself to tell him exactly how 'grateful' you were you opened your mouth and...alarms blared. The bright, florescent lights shut off for a moment only to kick in at an more ambient level. Red lights, flashed outside when the one of the soldiers opened the door to see what was going on. The squirrelly, sweaty underling ran out before coming scampering back into the room. "Sir, I'm sorry. We must leave. Subject 15 has escaped."

Panicked screams coming from the corridor outside reinforced the idea that Subject 15's little jaunt was something to worry about.

"Can we contain it?" The Director asked. The blood splatter on the small rectangular windows six feet from the floor pointed to no.

"We've only been feeding it enough to keep it alive. It's hunger will be out of control." Sweaty Underling informed him.

The screaming stopped. Not a good sign.

"There must be something we can do. You, go see what's happening!"The Director barked.

The pee on that he pointed to had the good sense to hesitate, clearly regretting his choice of carer. It was only when Sweaty Underling pulled out a small gun from beneath his jacket to point at him that he moved towards the door, slowly edging sideways with his automatic weapon raised. When he was within a foot of the door the whole thing shook in it's frame as something slammed against it. Another slam had the hinges straining. A third had you hiding behind a file cabinet in the corner. The fourth, and final one, had the door flying off of it's hinges. It imploded into the room, red light from outside flooded in. In the second before you ducked down, you glimpsed the outline of what looked like a man. Blood rushed in your ears due to your hands being clamped over them. It did little to muffled the screams of terror as Subject 15 eviscerated the three men. The sickening thwack of guts spilling onto the floor was the last sound they made.

Your thoughts turned to Joel, what could have been, how much you wished you could be the type of woman he needs, strong, fearless. That woman would have an escape plan. The woman that you were was a realist. If heavily armed, trained professionals couldn't take that thing out, you had no chance. The only chance you had was hiding and hoping for a miracle. The creature moved closer and closer until you could feel it at your back. It crouched next to you, it's copper tanged breath flowed over you as it sniffed your hair.

"Well, you aren't from around here." It said in perfect English. With an American accent. Not what you were expecting. At all. "Come on, Sugar. I could use a hand."

Pulling yourself up on trembling legs you were met with a very familiar face. Looking down at you was a very naked, very visibly excited, Max Fucking Phillips. That was the point when you completely lost the plot.

AN: Fans of the game will know we have some rough times ahead. I wanted to have a little fun before we dive back in to all the heavy plot. We'll be back with Joel soon enough.

Tags @kirsteng42 @babydarkstar @prolix-yuy @thegreenkid @hquinzelle @fangirl-316 @gracie7209 @jedifarmerr @doommommy @scorpio-marionette @sturkillerbase @harriedandharassed @aynsleywalker @mswarriorbabe80 @quica-quica-quica @rise-my-angel @adancedivasmom @graciexmarvel @kinda-nobody

[she-weeb]

There was a lot of options so here I go with a lot of questions xD

10, 18, 20, 24, 32, 33, 36, 42, 44, 46, 49, 55, 57, 65, 78, 84, 91, 100, 102, 105, 107, 108, 109, 123, 127, 135, 146, 149, 150

Holy shit Bals 😆 💕

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

You, about my health problems.

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

Still? I never talk to him, I was in kindergarten lol

20. Do you like your neighbors?

I do, I don't know them so that means they are reserved and quite and I appreciate that.

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

Go to bed 🌙

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

YAAASSS I was expecting this question. Easy! Connor Colquhoun and Miya (GWSN)

33. Spell your name with your chin.

Omg 😆 here we go:

b we rfb

WTF 🤣🤣🤣

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

Yes, mostly girls, for sad (and obvious) reasons.

42. If you're being extremely quiet what does it mean?

A) My ADHD got my brain thinking 10,000 things at the same time.

B) I'm too angry and I don't want to hurt anybody with my words.

C) I'm too sad and I don't have energy enough to say a thing.

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

OUTER SPACE! DUH!

46. What are you paranoid about?

It might sound stupid, but I'm paranoid about being part of a TV prank, like, regularly 👀

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

Nah. I mean, that doesn't mean everything I do is public, but all I do is with the intention of letting at least 1 person know I did it.

55. Favourite blog?

Anime News Network

57. Favourite food?

Bucatini pasta from Tony's Pizza Napoletana

65. Are you hungry right now?

A little, but I don't want to think about that in this moment.

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

Bubblegum

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

21 Jump Street

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

Yes, Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador

100. How are you feeling?

Nervous! And excited, for the trip lol but I'll be fine

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

Definitely. I know I learned a lot, but I regret it anyway. I’ve hurt a lot of people and I will never forget it. I'm trying to be better and learn from my mistakes.

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

Yes, a couple of times!

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

No D: pass lol

108. What should you be doing?

Homework 🤫

109. Is something irritating you right now?

Not really, I feel great this morning c:

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

Yes :3 I think lol a little bit of Pink Stuff and voilà!

127. What makes you happy?

Happy music (specially kpop) and hugs c:

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

A "friend" who told my friends and I he saved some guy's life by using a straw to make a hole in his throat 🙄 I think you were there when he said that shit 😆

146. Was today a good day?

So far, yeah!

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

Noup

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

"Historia del tiempo" the book is Historia del tiempo by Stephen W. Hawking

[colorsofyourheart]

Small World huh? - Part 2

Part 1 AO3

-

Chapter Summary: Alex remembers some fond memories, Steph thinks she's about to be killed, and Gabe has no idea what the hell is up with everyone today.

-

“... that last performance was amazing!” Alex said with a shy smile on her face as she nervously approached her favorite drummer.

She had been following the band for a couple of months now and holy shit, she did not regret it one bit. What had started as another excuse to get away from Helping Hands for one night had turned into attending every single show in town and getting a fake ID so she could listen to the great music and maybe stare at the hottest girl Alex had ever seen. Chelsea wouldn't stop teasing her about it.

The taller girl smiled and said, "Thanks!" She stared at her for a few seconds before continuing. "You're Alex, right?"

"Oh..." Alex faltered. "Y-you remember my name?" She asked trying and failing to ignore how flustered she was.

"No way I'd forget a fan..." Steph replied, looking at her cute face. 'a really fucking cute one.'

Alex's eyes widened as the taller girl's thoughts suddenly flowed into her head. 'And you're fucking hot.' Alex thought to herself, blushing furiously. She didn't know what to say or do since she had never experienced this before. 

Angry thoughts? Sure.

People thinking she's weird or broken? All the fucking time.

Perverts wanting to fuck her? A few times over the years.

... but this?

Steph's thoughts while interested (holy shit...was she interested?) were not associated with anything that made Alex feel uncomfortable or anxious. If anything there was this something almost welcoming?

"Sure, gave you an autograph last week, didn't I?" The brunette replied and if the heat in Alex's cheeks was anything to go by then she was sure her face was so red that a tomato would be envious.

The tall, intriguing girl let out a soft laugh at Alex’s obvious embarrassment.

"You've been to a lot of our shows recently... enjoying the music...staring at the drummer..." Said drummer gave Alex a smirk so damn hot that the short girl thought she was going to melt... Musicians had always been her weakness, and a hot girl who knew how to slay the drums? Alex was screwed and she knew it. 

Then her brain caught up with what the other girl had said, and Alex felt like her heart was about to burst out of her chest.  Was she having a heart attack?

"W-What...? No! I--" 

"Hey, I can't blame you... She's pretty damn hot." The drummer moved a step closer and whispered. "Don't worry, she doesn't mind you checking her out..." 

"...She doesn't?" Alex asked, breathless. Her eyes darting to the taller girl's figure, attempting to catch a glimpse of her aura. Though there was a faint outline of something, she couldn't quite distinguish the color.

"Oh no, she's very intrigued...might wanna take you out tonight." She smirked. "You hungry...?" She asked, looking at her up and down like she was in the menu... when her eyes finally met Alex's, they sparkled with mischief that the shorter girl could not help but return with a similar one of her own. 

"Starving..." 

.

.

.

.

.

"Steph, please!" 

"Just a little longer, baby... you're doing so good." The drummer murmured between kisses as her fingers moved teasingly, always slowing down when they felt the warmth around them signal the approaching peak. "You're doing amazing, just hold on for me, okay?" 

'So beautiful, so fucking beautiful...I'll make you feel so good...' 

Steph thoughts sending warmth through her body that did nothing to help her contain her pleasure, but Alex still nodded, whispering a soft 'Okay' against the older girl's lips then gasping as another finger gently joined the other two already deep in her core.

"F-Fuck..." Her walls clenching around the digits gently working her body, stretching her little by little but never hurting. She wondered how Steph could be so fucking gentle while wrecking her body at the same time...

The fingers pumped into her core slowly, reaching a little deeper each time and sending her closer and closer to the edge until they were as deep as they could go... then suddenly stopped and almost fully pulled out. 

Frustrated, Alex opened her mouth to complain only for Steph to silence her with a kiss and whispered "Hold on tight." then before Alex could ask what she meant, the fingers slammed deep into her core, pumping with a hard, fast, and relentless pace that made it hard for Alex to breathe, to cling to her sweaty lover as the brunette unleashed all her passion and fire into Alex. 

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck..." Steph's fingers were stretching her, pounding into Alex and playing her like she would her drums. 

Wild and unrestrained.

.

.

.

.

.

"Alex. Alex!"

The black haired girl opened her eyes to find her brother, a blond guy holding a record with the picture of a bird and Steph fully clothed and glowing purple and not at all how Alex had just been dreaming... her dream... memory sure as hell didn't include clothes or her long lost brother.

Shit.

"Gabe stop shaking me." Alex pushed him away. "First you crush my ribs now this? When did you get this violent?" She complained trying to distract herself from all the purple auras surrounding her. Her eyes, however, could not help quickly stealing a glance at Steph's frozen form as the drummer's --now DJ apparently-- thoughts got louder.

'Alex and Gabe know each other? Wait a minute... no fucking way.'

"Hey! You're the one who decided to take a nap in the middle of the record store." Gabe rolled his eyes at her, but his purple aura betrayed his worry. 'Is she okay? What happened? Is she sick like m--?'

"Whatever, just haven't eaten anything today, I'll snack on something later." She replied quickly before Gabe's thoughts went down an road she didn't want them to OR Steph had a panic attack.

Her brother narrowed his eyes, not quite convinced but didn't say anything about her obvious lie as he noticed her glancing in Steph's direction. "Right, we'll get you something to eat..." He trailed off and suddenly turned to look at Steph with suspicion.

"Wait a minute! So how is it that you know my sister? Ryan said that you only came out of the booth when she collapsed but you were calling her name when I came in!" He looked back at the blonde man-- Ryan apparently-- as if to have him confirm what he just said, and Alex quickly glanced back at Steph.

'Holy shit, holy shit. Alex is Gabe's sister. Alex is Gabe's sister. Gabe my best friend. Alex is my best friend's sister.'

The until now quiet DJ paled, her thoughts screaming and her purple aura nearly overwhelming Alex.

'I had sex with my best friend's sister. Fucking amazing sex... I had A LOT of amazing sex with my best friend's little sister... every day for a week.' The more Steph thought the more Alex blushed.

'I'm going to die. Gabe is going to murder me. This is not how I imagined meeting her again... getting murdered by her brother. ah fuck this means she didn't come looking for me...' Her eyes met Alex's and the shorter girl bit her lip unsure of what to do and still a little overwhelmed by Steph's emotions.

That seemed to be distracting enough to get the DJ to snap from her thoughts. 'Still so damn cute... stop that Gingrich! Try not to die first! Fortunately, the brunette managed to look away from Alex and compose herself enough before Gabe noticed.

"Well, I didn't know this Alex was your sister, dude. If I had I would have told you everything I knew to help you find her." She promised her friend.

'...well not the parts that'd get me killed'

Steph looked back at Alex and put on a fake but very convincing smile that probably only worked on Gabe because her next words distracted him with one of his favorite activities...teasing Alex. "I would have done anything to reunite my best friend and my biggest fan if I’d known."

Oh no...

Gabe looked at her for a moment then smirked. "Biggest fan, huh?"

Fuck.

"This one used to go to all Drugstore Makeup's shows.” The beanie loving jerk returned Gabe’s smirk and if not for her still purple aura Alex would have thought she was completely fine.

"I remember signing a few autographs after each show." The brunette nodded. "She followed m- us around for months so we got to know her and talk a bit. She was pretty shy; I mean after screaming all show 'Steph you're so hot!' she'd get so red afterwards."

Alex looked at her annoyed in that moment. "What!? I never did that!"

"Nothing to be ashamed Alex." Steph met her eyes. 'Please trust me even though I have no idea what the hell I'm doing...'

"Can't blame ya for fainting after seeing all this hotness again." She winked and Alex rolled her eyes as she tried to stop a blush from giving her away.

"You're still so full of yourself. It was Izzie I liked if you must know."

Steph winced at her former band mate's name. "Ouch... okay, okay I'll stop." For some reason Alex couldn't help but think that she had hurt her even though she was just trying to follow her not at all planned plan to distract Gabe.

Whatever Steph's reaction to Izzie's name meant, it seem to make Gabe wince as well and change the subject.

"Wow, I guess the world is really small huh? Maybe it was fate that you met and now we're all here together in Heaven Springs." Alex's brother gave them a big smile and now seemed to be trying to distract Alex...

"Anyway... Steph, you'll be at the Lantern tonight?"

"Won't miss it!" The other girl confirmed sounding still a bit nervous though Alex could see her purple aura now had traces of blue as well.

What the...?

What was the big deal about Izzie? Alex was now extremely curious and had to force herself to not look into anyone's aura. This had been a very intense day already and she wasn't sure she could take more.

"Great! We'll see you there. Oh hey, I almost forget! I had something on the hold list?"

"Right! Hold on..." Steph went to a shelf and got a record for Gabe.

Alex got a feeling she was relieved to look away from her best friend if only for a second. Alex thought that she was still fearing for her life and to be fair, who could blame her? Alex was sure Gabe would not be happy about all the 'Fucking amazing sex'... which could we stop a second to process the fact that not only did Steph recognize her immediately, even though Alex looked a bit different now and it had been over two years but she also seemed to have fond memories of their time together AND was disappointed that Alex wasn't in Haven for her...

Did that mean she wanted Alex to have come here looking for her? 'There was gold in her aura right before I fainted...I'd only ever seen that color with her before and I still think it was joy...

Does she still...?

While Alex was having a mini meltdown, Steph and Gabe must have finished talking because next thing she knew Gabe was nudging her with his shoulder to get her attention.

"Alex? We should go to the Lantern to get some food in you before you faint again." He looked at her strangely for a moment but the shrugged and started leading her to the door.

"Right. Let's do that..." And if Alex glanced in Steph's direction as they left before replying-- "...I'm starving." and making the other girl's eyes widen and her aura turn hot pink?

It was completely accidental.

[layanasstories]

Oblivion

FOUR

The first night was no different, I had many dreams but no nightmares. Then on day one without medication I still noticed no difference. I just followed my routine as usual, except that I went to buy the cookies for Andy, as I had promissed. The second night was terrible, the nightmare was even more realistic than before.

Faces were clear, names I could remember when I woke up, Dan, Jessy and Lilly. And even though the events were the same, the places where it played out were different. Certainly the last part, I was not locked in a barn, but in a tunnel or cave. And one name stuck, Jake. I couldn't determine which face that name belonged to, but it kept slumbering in the back of my mind. Day two was a disaster, my routine was disrupted because I slept through my alarm. As a result, I couldn't take a shower and forgot to bring my lunch to work. I missed the subway, and was two minutes late because of that. The working day itself was okay, I did my job as I always did. Wednesday is always a super busy day, I didn't have time for lunch anyway, so it didn't make much difference that I forgot my sandwiches.

Only on the way home in the subway I was attacked by flashes of images. A man who looked vaguely familiar, eyes begging for forgiveness. Images of forests, black birds. None of these images are memories of the past four years. "Would he be right after all?" I muttered to myself. The third night, my nightmare was like a movie. It wasn't a glued together illogical order of things, as it usually was. It was a clear as day movie, every detail, every face, everything was clearly visible. Despite that I still woke up with a scream and I cried my eyes out, I felt no emotions linked to these images, I cried because it was such a sad story. I didn't want to give in, although deep down I knew what these nightmares meant. The fire has burned my skin, the scars on my arms are proof of that. Until recently I thought because of the car accident. But now I'm starting to doubt that. My nightmares tell me a very different story, even though I can't connect myself to them. Day three, I called in sick from work. I couldn't bring myself to go, instead I grabbed a notepad and started writing down everything I could remember about my nightmares.

I stopped when my brain started to stutter and no new things came up. I looked at it briefly, but didn't want to analyze it just yet. I got up to stretch my legs and make a cup of coffee. While I'm waiting for my coffee to be ready, I ponder what else I could write. Then I realize that I don't really know much about my time in the hospital. Those, too, are just fragments of images. With my coffee in hand I grab a new piece of paper. When I want to start, I put my cup on the paper with my distracted head, which makes a circle, and stain the paper with some coffee drops. I wipe it clean with my sleeve instead of getting a new piece of paper. Then as with the previous one I start writing down which names I still remember.

Finally, I draw a big question mark next to everything. If I still scratch the paper with my pen, thinking, an image pops up that I've never seen before. I lie on a stretcher and I am carried out of a tunnel-like space. I remember the smell of fire and smoke. But can't make anything out of it other than this image. Annoyed, I put my pen down. "Damn, he's right. The pills are suppressing my memories" I sigh through my teeth. I pick up my phone and see to my dismay that it is already late afternoon. "Why does time always go so fast, when you need more of it." I roll my eyes at myself. Then I open the chat.

Layana: Day three. And you were right. While I still don't fully trust you, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.

It really just takes a few seconds for Nym-0s to come online

Nym-0s: That's enough for me.

Layana: And what now? You said we could meet?

Nym-0s: Hungry?

Layana: What?

Nym-0s: Are you hungry?

Layana: I am always hungry...

Nym-0s: I know :) Let's meet, I know a little restaurant, it's quiet enough to talk, but busy enough for you to feel comfortable.

Nym-0s: What do you say?

I think for a moment, it doesn't feel safe at all. But what have I got to lose? Nothing right?

Layana: Okay. Send me the address.

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Ninety-Three [PT. 1]

Words: 3k

Warning(s): explicit language, drug abuse

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NIKKI

1987

I throw another drink back not long after yelling obscurities at Viv as she stomped out of VIP to leave and go home, between more lines of blow, a trip to the bathroom to get a fix and some drinks, we decide to take the party to Steven's new place. 

"You guys just can't be too loud, though, got it?" He says as sternly as he can as we get inside and he fumbles for his key. 

"Alright, alright, alright," I mumble, stepping inside, grabbing his bottle of Jack off the counter before getting comfortable on the floor by the window. 

We all talk--as best we can--for a little while, Steven and the boys making some calls to get some dealers here, and the only thing on my mind is getting a potent fix, until I hear something...very faint, very familiar...very, very, familiar...I furrow my brows to focus more, ignoring the guys' laughter and voices, my eyes training on the wall opposite of me. 

My subconscious puts it together before my conscious does, like smelling a blanket from a childhood home and immediately being taken back before your brain can quite grasp the feeling. 

Multiple memories shrouding that sound of Vivian that only she can really pull off. 

It doesn't take rocket science equation solving skills to put together why I'm currently hearing her soft, pretty moans carry on next door. 

I'm pretty sure more members of Guns, aside from Steven, are staying here right now. 

Apparently Stevie hears it not long after and slips into the next suite, where the sound is coming from, that's connected to his suite. 

I don't hear it anymore after he gets back in here. 

"Dealer's coming or what?" I ask Steven, my high starting to get blowed from the fact that my wife is next door on her back for someone who isn't me. 

I'd be jealous if I weren't numb to it by now.

"They're all tied up, man." Steven tells me and I groan, thinking for a second. 

An idea comes to mind that makes me want to bang my head against the wall, but I'm desperate and left with no option at this point. 

"I know a guy," I mumble, dragging myself up to the phone in the little kitchen area, reluctantly dialing a number I never wanted to dial again. 

It rings once...twice...three times… 

"Hello?" He answers and I roll my eyes. 

"'Sup man, it's Nikki." I reply, trying to put on my best "friendly" voice, even though it's making my blood boil that the bastard I could see myself killing is ultimately the one that's gonna be able to save the day. 

"Hey, dude." He replies. 

"Me and a few buddies of mine are out here at the Franklin Plaza Suites and need a few things." I rub the back of my neck. 

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah." 

It's quiet, and he reluctantly breathes out. 

"I'll see what I can do." I can hear the satisfaction in his voice that I'm having to call him. 

Within the next forty minutes there's more people here than I'm comfortable with, groupies, and hangerson, and other drug adoring morons, and then my saving grace comes through the door once Steven lets him in. 

Slash is already slipping into a Jack induced stupor. Sally came in a few minutes ago screaming at all of us guys for leaving her at the Cat House. 

We didn't even realize we'd forgotten her. 

She's in the bathroom, probably keeping herself in there to keep from starting an argument with Slash in front of everyone. 

Robbin's on the phone with Laurie.

Apparently it's just in men's nature to get fucked up, call our wives, and profess our undying love for them despite the fact we cheat on them nearly every time we hangout with our friends. 

I wonder what would happen if I went in there on her and Duff right now. 

What would she say? 

Probably nothing. 

She'd just look at the floor and try not to cry, probably. 

What would I do? 

I know that I know what's going on between them, but if I actually walked in and saw them together, caught in the act…

I'd either be a pussy and cry over it, or kill them both--him first and make her watch, and then just slowly torture her or something. God, I'm fucked up. Even though I'm pretty sure being married to me is torture enough to her. 

I know it's torture to me, too. 

"Here dude," Sparkie hands me a syringe and a spoon, and I look at him, too out of focus to concentrate on getting it right. 

"Fix me." I say to him and he scoffs. 

"Okay, dude." He starts getting it ready and I look at that wall again. Staring at it, taking a sip of my drink. 

Fucking Vivian. 

Of course. Her. Of all the women I've hooked up with and dated in my life, she--the most harmless, at least in my dumbfuck mind when I first met her--is the one to screw me over like this. 

And I've let her. 

If I did what Vince does to Sharise and have that whole, "no hanging out with your boy friends without me" rule, this wouldn't even be an issue. 

That's the problem. Somewhere along the way I loosened her leash a little too much and now she's chewed her way through it entirely. 

"You look like you're in hell, you know," Sparkie tells me, fixing the tourniquet around my arm… "But that's okay, you're about to be in heaven in just a few seconds." He assures me. 

I know he's right. I just need to hang on to that. 

In just a few seconds, I'll be--

I hear Vivian, again, and I reach around my neck and grab onto her cross I've been wearing for weeks, now, squeezing it at the sting of the needle going into my skin. 

I feel him shoot me up, my mind waiting to chase and catch the high that I just know is about to come. 

My fingers slip from the crucifix, and I feel myself fall back before a weightless feeling washes over me.

Present

I keep rereading the damn paper, repeatedly, trying my hardest not to throw a fit...

Nikki Sixx and his wife, Vivian, recently confirmed that she is indeed pregnant issuing a simple and straightforward,"Yes, it's true," statement earlier this week through Nikki's manager, and--as speculated--her pregnancy is not with Nikki. Many fans and some friends of the couple are blown out of the water by this sudden turn of events, others who are familiar with the rockstar and his band but never really paid much attention to his personal relationships, are now curious as to who exactly Vivian Sixx is. Well, in an open letter, rumored to be intended for print in Rolling Stone, a few anonymous former roadies of Mötley Crüe--who partook on their Girls, Girls, Girls, tour in 1987--are here to introduce who they saw behind the scenes of flashing cameras and public sweet moments with husband Nikki. 

"This is a letter to Mötley Crüe fans, we're a mere handful of people out of the many who witnessed monstrosities behind the scenes while on tour with the Crüe since Summer of 1987, none of which were caused by the band or any members, themselves, but one woman in particular. We had no reason to really bring any of this up, but in light of recent news, we are disheartened and angered of the betrayal against one of the four men who gave us an opportunity to live several months in our lives that will forever impact us in the best way known, and provide heartwarming memories by the dozen. This is not an attack on Nikki Sixx, especially given his past struggles with opioid addiction, alcoholism, as well as his abusive wife. The first time we met Vivian, she was polite and friendly, but very assertive. It was obvious it would be her way or no way,  and often times she and Nikki would go back and forth with who was running things. It was obvious Nikki was unwell at times, whether it'd be hungover, sick from withdrawal or simply tired from a show the night before. Vivian would choose these times when he was at his most exhausted to pick fights with him. He'd tell her to go away or 'f**k off,' and she'd continue to verbally and mentally beat him down more than he clearly already was. When Rolling Stone came to interview the band shortly after the wild rumor Vanity started publicly, we were told Vivian had tried to physically attack the reporter working on the story, simply because he made the comment that Pepsi wasn't good for her. Small things like that would often set her off, leaving security, managers, and band members to try to dodge fists while pulling her off of her unsuspecting victim, who was typically Nikki. Many times we'd hear them arguing in the hotel rooms, dressing rooms, bathrooms, tour bus, etc., usually followed by sounds of what we can only describe as 'pitchy, hungry, pornstar moans' on her part--clearly using her body to get back in his good graces after wearing him down. After their fights, Nikki would always have a bottle of alcohol on hand, some kind of drug, and would keep to himself. Our comradery with him soon began to dwindle with each month because it was obvious she was beginning to suck the life out of him. He was more introverted overtime, and higher more often than he was at the beginning of the tour. It really got bad when Guns N' Roses came on tour for a month, because Vivian's attacks on him and the other members of Mötley Crüe, began to pop off as randomly and explosively as fireworks. We'd witness some foul exchange (brought on by Vivian)  between her and Nikki backstage, either verbal or physical, nearly every night. People can talk down on the Crüe for being bad boys, but they've shown everybody that's helped them on tour, gratitude. All the wives and girlfriends that would come on that we'd offer food and drinks to would always express gratitude with a smile and a warm heart, but Vivian would always stay silent and cold towards us. She's a trashy, bitchy, whiney, hateful, spiteful, conniving, plotting python that now has her cold-blooded grasp around not only Nikki's neck, but also Duff's. Her game is to find the most well rounded guys while maintaining under her guise that she's a kind, Christianly woman, and see how far she can push them until they work themselves to death, literally, with trying to please her. We aren't surprised that she's pregnant, she probably video taped herself conceiving the damn thing and sent it to Nikki. We hope she did so it can be practice  for her inevitable low-budget porn career when she runs out of rockstars to f**k and kill, as we've mentioned, she already sounds like one in the throws of passion. Anyway, Nikki, we're hoping you decide to kick her aside and start fresh. Duff, get a paternity test, dude. Crüe fans, don't let that red-headed bitch fool you."

"Who the hell is Page Six to give these bastards a platform in the first place, Doc?!" I snap.

"Nikki, I am handling it, I'm on it--"

"--You tell the L.A. Times and Rolling fucking Stone if they take this shit and run with it, too, I'm personally coming to their offices and fucking them up. Not the publications themselves, but the people trying to put this out there in print, individually." I hiss.

"Nikki, just--" 

"--And who the hell--what roadies did this?!" 

"I don't know, Nikki, but I'm trying my hardest to get it cleaned up." He assures me. 

"'She's a trashy, bitchy, whiney, hateful, spiteful, conniving, plotting python that now has her cold-blooded grasp around not only Nikki's neck, but also Duff's. Her game is to find the most well rounded guys while maintaining under her guise that she's a kind, Christianly woman, and see how far she can push them until they work themselves to death, literally, with trying to please her'?!" I read that snippet, just so he can be reminded how fucked this is, trying my hardest not to start pitching a fucking fit. 

"Fucking AJaxx isn't even cleaning this up! Press mongrels are gonna be humping these bastards legs for giving them sales for the next nine months!" I outburst. 

"Sixx, don't worry about it, alright? It won't go past this shitty Page Six story, okay?" 

"It's fucking horse shit." I ignore him, trying to keep my cool. "Fuck." I kick at the leg of the table, running a hand through my hair.

"I guess one decently positive thing is that Viv doesn't know about this," he says next and I shake my head a little, feeling a migraine starting to come on, strong. 

I was tempted then to check myself out of rehab and 'handle' it myself, but decided it wouldn't be worth it. I hoped it would go away and it would all blow over eventually.

"Vivian, don't listen to any of it, alright? Me and you and everyone on that tour know damn well it wasn't just you being a bitch and us being the innocent victims." I say through the phone as Viv tries to calm down, her breathing shaky and ragged from crying so much. 

"I know that but the fans and other people don't know that." She says to me, her voice quiet and tired. "I'm so embarrassed, Nikki." She adds. "I'm already embarrassed that everybody knows I cheated on you but now this whole thing…" she trails off and I feel guilt tug at my heart. 

I don't know what the fuck to say. 

I'm used to criticism from the press, but none of them have tore into me or any of the guys--except Vince after the Razzle accident--so personally and extensively as they're tearing at her. 

Calling me a devil worshipper and saying my music is shitty gets annoying and frustrating and even infuriating at times, but attacking my wife and calling her a low budget porn star and telling me to kick her aside? 

Fuck that. 

"I'm sorry, Viv. I really am." I assure her, honestly, closing my eyes when I hear her stifle a little sob out. "Where are you at right now?" I ask. 

"Duff wanted me to meet his family." She tells me. "I'll be back Saturday." 

I'm relieved she actually has a reason for not being here, but I'm also hurt that she didn't give me a heads up. But I don't want to talk about it right now. I think she's been punished enough today. 

"Okay...you didn't show yesterday and I was just worried." I admit. 

"I know, it was just a spur of the moment thing. He asked me last week and I didn't think it'd be an issue." 

"Oh." 

I glance around and let out a breath. 

"I, um, I'm gonna go. I got a group thing with the guys at 3:00." I tell her. 

"Okay." 

"Are you gonna be okay or do I need to break out and kick someone's ass?" I ask her, half-joking, and she laughs, making me smile. 

"I'll be okay." She tells me. 

"I'll see you next week, Sixx." 

I can practically hear the smile in her voice when she says, "see you next week." 

We hang up and I rub my lips together, taking a few deep breaths before heading to where me and the guys meet with Amber three times a week now. 

Tommy and Vince are waiting for me, and I plop down beside them, leaning forward, elbows on my knees, hands running over my face…

"Psst," Tommy nudges me and I look at him as Vince gets up to grab a cup of coffee. 

"What?" I ask him, and he puts his finger over his mouth. 

"You seen the shit they're on Vivian for?" He whispers and I furrow my brows, looking around. 

"The room is empty except us, dude, why are you--"

"--Shh," he says. 

"Why are you whispering?" I finish my sentence. 

"Because they probably have this motherfucker bugged out the ass." He replies, glancing around again. "I'm thinking of breaking outta here, man." He whispers very, very quietly. 

"You do know we're not being held here by legal obligation, right? They won't chase us down and have the cops on us if we just check ourselves out." I point out and he furrows his brows a little. 

"Oh." 

"Why do you wanna 'break out'?" I ask. 

"I miss Heather and my dogs and I wanna be able to be there Viv, dude. She fucking needs us right now and we're, like, over an hour away--disconnected from shit. I mean we wouldn't even know what the fuck was going on in the world if Doc wasn't keeping us in the loop, ya know?" 

I think about it for a second. 

"We're over a month into our three month stay, dude." I state. "We can't just throw in the towel, now." 

"I don't mean ditch it and stay gone. I just mean check out for a few days, go back home, see what all is going on and come back." He shrugs. 

It seems oddly appealing. 

Way too appealing, actually. 

"I don't know, Tommy…" I rub the back of my neck.

"I already talked to Vince about it and he's down."

"Of course he is." 

"And we wouldn't be doing it tomorrow or anything. I'm thinking next week." 

"Does Doc know?" I ask. 

"Fuck Doc." He scoffs. 

"Agreed." I nod, chuckling. 

"So, you in or not, man?" 

"Just for a few days?" 

"Just for a few days." 

"Then we're all coming back in?" 

"Like we never left to begin with." 

"No drugs, no parties, not even alcohol." 

"Just spending time with our families and then back to the grindstone." He states. 

"...I'm in."

 ...You know when you're on a shitty diet, eating boring, tasteless, "healthy" food, and then decide you've been stuck to your diet long enough that you can have one slice of cake because you're disciplined enough to control yourself? And now, two years later, you're still telling yourself you'll get back on your diet because after that slice of cake you just said, "fuck it," and never thought about forcing yourself to eat lettuce again? Let's just say leaving rehab prematurely works the same damn way.

[frogsandfries]

Just call me Fall-Apart

Because I'm falling apart.

This is what happens when you don't have health insurance for about ten years as someone who is prone to a slew of genetic shortcomings.

The doctor told me to cut waaayyyy back on the red meat and gave me a new medication, a second one to tackle my blood pressure....... She wants me back in the office again in a couple months, so we can see in my blood how the whole medication situation is working out............. She also gave me something to replace excedrin, soooo.......yaayyy, the day we've all been waiting for......

Hopefully I can start sleeping better, and start digesting my food better--maybe that will be a big, necessary improvement--and eating better....... and getting more exercise. I think the exercise is the hardest part. I need to do that part better. I want to pass better behaviors on to my child/ren. There's no reason for my child to be as heavy as I am, even if I married someone my size. I think I pretty well have the eating behaviors down: We eat when we're hungry, we eat till we're full, and we try to recognize when we're eating our feelings. I know a lot of the time, I'll eat when I'm exhausted and just need to eat something to ease the sensation of being hungry. That's not a great pattern to fall into. Most of my weight originated in being over-fed, feeling pressured to eat more than I wanted. And a lot more weight recently is the result of not eating for a variety of reasons--depression, not really having the time, letting the kitchen get pretty empty. Fucked up how not eating, being hungry way too often, results in my body holding on to what it can get. I'm sure my digestive issues are definitely not helping--they definitely contribute to experiencing more hunger than because......

I'm a total, absolute mess........

Oh, I also explained to her that my attention and language issues are getting in the way of my personal growth. I'm supposed to be hearing from their brain person. It'll be interesting, valuable, too get assessed. I really am frustrated. I ended up paying about forty dollars to get to and from my appointment when it should have been free, per my insurance. That's just one example of something I repeatedly meant to do and haven't. Or what about when I don't want to call back people who may have hung up on me? It's very easy for me to feel like someone doesn't like me and never wants to talk to me or hear from me ever again. I got a little stressed this afternoon when I was putting the new medication and supplements into my organizers and I couldn't remember the very detailed instructions she gave me at the office. I was paying close attention. I did recall (it was to take the one in the evening instead, if it made me tired). But what am I supposed to do, constantly have every conversation with pen and notepad in hand? I need some kind of direction on this. On top of everything else. I need better tools to remember to exercise and brush my teeth more consistently and make better meal decisions. I just want this problem to be solved, even a little bit.....