#but really to me they are both anything but morally ideal

[merotica]

782352998843187200

this is the shit keeping me from being more active in my fandoms. i deleted all my public facing accounts and now only post in private, small, heavily vetted discord servers. my art, my community, and my presence is not and never was for you to enjoy. you don't deserve it. and if you weren't such a slimy, cowardly little fucking rat, you would choose your morals or your community. because you clearly can't have both.

i do have both, but i have way more fun on the internet when i know that my presence alone is enough to spark rage in people like you. like it bothers you THAT much. that's really something.

it's not my responsibility to make you feel safe in your fandoms. boo hoo, someone you don't like just so happens to enjoy something that you do. get over it. also, if you're really that certain that being a proshipper is an ultimate dealbreaker for any interaction, i wouldn't be surprised if you were as two-faced as you think i am.

the more you try to chase your ideal, perfect world, the more miserable you'll be when living in anything but that. at least i can settle for having what i want in fiction while you have to control everyone in the real world just to feel okay with yourself. get over yourself, entitled internet user, and have a good one.

[chrollohearttags]

nobody knows • portgas d. ace

another drabble for sneaky link/ex boyfriend ace bc I have one functioning brain cell and all of it is focused on him atm teehee 🤭

wc: 1.8K

more infidelity (y’all both still AIN’T SHIT 😭 reader got that dog in her I’m sorry), straight porn, modern au, black fem reader, phone sex/sexting, squirting, oral sex, calls reader bitch, a eating + anal, recording, backshots, rough sex, heavy breeding, idk what else will come out

he’s so ooc in this and I don’t give a fuck (I’m ovulating and stressed w life + therapy is too expensive)

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nobody knows why you and ex-boyfriend!ace broke up in the first place. Honestly, it seemed like such a waste…three long years down the drain with nothing to show for it but the two of you left in shambles. Friends and family consoling you both as you learned to navigate life without one another. (Y/N), moving on fairly quickly with the son of one of your dad’s friends..a byproduct of military nepotism and the very antithesis to what Ace was. A stiff working a cushy desk job and reaping the benefits..pushing papers and always playing it safe. He was very kind, sweet and damn near ideal in every sense of the word. Not too much of a drinker, a partygoer or anything of the sort but he always took you on dates. All of your girlfriends liked him well enough, thinking that he more matched your speed than the thrill seeking, goofy, chaotic daredevil that was ex-boyfriend!ace. Who rode motorcycles and climbed mountains in his spare time, when he wasn’t holding life by the tips of his fingers as an EMT. Covered in tattoos, he looked like such a quintessential, stereotypical ‘bad boy’… “God, (y/n). I don’t know what you ever saw in that guy. He’s a loser, through and through.”

However, what nobody knows..is that you never truly left him alone! He was your ideal match and you couldn’t shake it. You could actually laugh, joke and make mistakes with him. There was no need for faux perfection and lies. You saw each other for who you really were.

Nobody knows that while you’re at work, he’s constantly sending you filthy messages to get you aroused and worked up. Making you chew your lip and the tip of your pen as you twirl in your chair..reading how he’s going to make sure you feel it in your stomach the next time you two link. Nobody knows he shamelessly sends you nut videos, uttering your name with the sexiest moans. Nobody knows that when you tell your assistant that the hour where you refuse any meetings is designated for you to choke on ex-boyfriend!ace’s cock in your cute little business attire..loving the way those glasses hang off the tip of your nose as he pushes your forehead to his pelvis.

“Goddamn, babe..I knew I couldn’t quit you..you’re eating my dick up so good.”

“It’d taste even better if you let me come on it first.”

loving that you were willing to abandon all of your morals for him so easily. Nobody knows about the second phone you keep stashed away in your glovebox just to call him late at night when your new man is sleeping or working overnight and you want some company..

“Can you please come over? I miss you..he won’t be back tonight. I promise.”

“Of course, baby. Anything for you..I’ll always come running when you tell me.”

or in need of a good orgasm because that dummy couldn’t give you one if you handed him a roadmap to the clit! With ex-boyfriend!ace on the other line talking you through it with that deep voice and lewd commands.

“Oh my gosh, pretty girl. Did you call me just so you could touch yourself to the sound of my voice? You’re so cute..” making you FaceTime him because he wants to see the mess he helped create.

nobody knows that whilst you're out at dinner with your new man, alongside loved ones as he boasts about how he knows you’re the one and how you guys make such a lovely couple, (y/n) is daydreaming about ex-boyfriend!ace riding you on the back of his Suzuki through the city, knowing the rush gets you turned on. That rather than dealing with an insecure little boy who felt intimidated by your looks and success, ex-boyfriend!ace would go drinking and partying with you, loving when you showed off your body because he wasn't worried about another man taking what was his. Nobody knows that you have a small tattoo of ex-boyfriend!ace’s name right above your private area. Hell, it's not as if your new man touched you enough to notice and when he did, the lights remained off.

When your girlfriends are divulging the dirt about their relationships and how envious they are of you. Claiming that you hit the jackpot with such a structured, well mannered guy who works a high paying job and always comes home to you. But what nobody knows…is that he could never replace the man you truly love. So much so, when you kiss him on the cheek that Friday evening before heading to the ‘airport’ for another business trip..you’re secretly meeting ex-boyfriend!ace in the top floor suite at a luxury hotel hours away from home where you two go every month to fuck each other's brains out for three days straight. Akin to addicts who can’t be satisfied, you rabidly devour one another until your bodies quit.

“I’ve waited all week for this…I’m so not sorry for how I��m about to fuck you.” ”I wouldn’t expect anything less.” Wrapping his hands around your throat, shoving his tongue into your mouth as he corners you against a wall. Nobody knows that ex!boyfriend!ace has you face down on a mattress with your ass up in the air as his tongue explores both of your entrances. Practically seating you on his face to suction around that clit, flicking his tongue in and out of your tight cunt before prodding your asshole, leaving a sloppy trail of saliva on each of them. Because you wore that adorable little heart shaped plug to help prep you for the weekend.

“You taste so fucking good…especially when I know you’ll let me have it anytime I want.”

nobody knows that you’re somewhere gripping the sheets for dear life as ex-boyfriend!ace delivers the most insane backshots you’ve ever felt. Those perfectly round, thick cheeks ricocheting off of his lower half..the contrast in your skin and that pearlescent scream surrounding his shaft making the sight even better…ripping orgasms from your body with no shame because he deserves it. After all, you belong to him.

“That’s right..come on this dick, bitch. Give me what I want..” he still loves and respects you all the same. But ace knows you prefer rough, degrading sex far more than the mundane and vanilla. Especially when it was in short supply with your current situation. Even going as far as to place a foot on your head, tugging your arms behind your back so that he can really bury his cock inside of you.

“Yes! Keep fucking meeee, just like that, daddy. ‘S so good!”

“You love when I dig you out like this, treating you like a little slut..’swear this pussy’s going to get me in some serious trouble one day. But I don’t care, I love you.”

rambling on as he feels you twitching around him for the third time, leaving splatters of warm juices each time; squirting immensely from the constant stimulation to your spot.

“Damn, you’re coming so hard, pretty girl. Is he not fucking you right?” Laughing before he could even get the very rhetorical question from his mouth. Leaning down to place a trail of pecks and licks on your spine to console you before placing you into a prone position. ”Of course not..nobody knows this body better than me. Isn’t that right, gorgeous?” All but confirmed by the way you’re tightening around him..he can’t help but to grip your throat and steal sloppy kisses from you whilst he drills you into the mattress. “Nooo, babyyy. You’re the only one who can fuck me this good..oh my Goddd—“ placing his camera in your face so that he could have it for safekeeping..(and in case he gets wind of your man running his mouth about him again!) Making you call his name and scream it to the heavens. “Aceeee, fuck meeee..”

Nobody knows that you’ve been fucking for damn near an hour while your phone buzzes with missed calls and texts from your boyfriend and whatever little girl he’s deciding to entertain for the moment. As heinous as it was, you were just filling the void and you’d always find your way back to each other. Perhaps it was the thrill of sneaking around that kept this charade going. Either way, you weren’t giving each other for a long time and it’s so obvious why..no one else will do the freaky shit that you both crave so much.

“Oh my gosh, I can’t believe you’re letting me fuck your ass again..feels amazing.” glaring up at him with the most adoring gaze in your eyes and smile on your face as you proudly hold a vibrator to your clit..allowing him to stretch that opposite opening. Practically coming on spot when you began to show your gratitude for this pleasure…

“Thank you, daddy..using all my holes like this. I love it so much.” That much apparent by the tears pouring down your face alongside that toothy grin. Only he could give it to you so good, you begin to cry!

“Oh shit..of course, gorgeous girl. I’d do anything for you..anything to see my baby smile.” Including pinning you down by your throat and letting trails of saliva drip into your mouth. Even feeding you a couple slaps when you all but pleaded with him to treat you like an object.

nobody knows that on the sparse occasions when you have sex with your current man, he’s forced to wear a condom because you’ve discussed several times that you don’t want children and you’re not taking any risks. But ex-boyfriend!ace gets the privilege of feeling that hard cock sliding in and out of you raw..and to breed you as many times as he can muster! Letting load after load spill into your aching womb. Filling every hole with that dripping seed.

“You look so pretty stuffed with my cum, sweetheart. Just how I like it.”

nobody knows why you left ex-boyfriend!ace in the first place but you knew why you’d always come running back!

@violetxxvenom @shamelesshoefairy @lwop-kpop

[marsprincess889]

Some planetary conjunctions and how they might manifest

Let me know what you think

...

1. ♀️☌♃

Venus conjunct Jupiter_ abundant Venus and liquidated Jupiter.

Venus is a fierce, reductive force, but one that is ultimately geared towards pleasure. Jupiter is a growing, amplifying, adundant force that must ultimately be reduced and crystalized. Venus exalts in the Jupiterian Pisces in Revati_ the last nakshatra, connecting the two. It's the goal of the two benefics that symbolizes the completion of the journey. Jupiter must give to Venus, who in turn will use that abundance for beauty, order, harmony and pleasure. Venus is also associated with death, so these two joining is really the way of the end, in the most perfect sense (ideally).

Venus-Jupiter conjunction means that a native cannot separate beauty and love from morals and spirituality. Some interesting ways that this might manifest in the mundane:

A native is pure hearted and generous, valuing loyalty, politeness and all things traditionally "good" (Jupiterian) in a Venusian way, meaning that they consider their mundane/tribal laws and values the same as their moral/spiritual alignment. If they feel betrayed, they won't hesitate to stand their ground and defend their stance, often fiercely and without much fuss.

Native seeks to find friends in people who align with their deep-seated values, who understand them on a spiritual level and fit into the material manifestation of their ideal reality.

They understand that not every ideal can be materialized, but they try their hardest to live their preferred utopia.

They are extremely defensive of their own personal philosophy and understanding of the world.

Their spirituality might be deeply connected to love, attachments, romance and sex. They might idolize those things and worship the idea of them, or they might worship their lover.

They might be attracted to Jupierian figures, people who are nourishing and have a tendency to guide them.

Despite what many would think, because of how they appear, these people are not unfamiliar with the occult. They might understand or practice it unknowingly and naturally.

They have a need to ground their ideals in the physical reality somehow.

This one is random: they might like sweet and sour food (food that is both sweet and sour). (I have this, I do...)

Some interesting biological coorelations: Venus is sour and Jupiter is sweet. In the same way that sour taste biologically has a reductive or "pacifying" effect on a cellular level (corrections are welcome I'm not a biology major😶), and sweet taste has an activating effect, Venus reduces and "refreshes" while Jupiter is like the "Yes man" of the planets, encouraging everything and anything. There is obvious danger associated with overconsumption of sweet food.

It's why this conjunction is considered so auspicious. Jupiter is already giving to Venus and Venus is nourished through Jupiter's abundance and spirituality.

Also interesting is the fact that both are abundant and considered benefics. They're the only two planets that are traditionally always benefic. Venus-death association is also because of how the ultimate pleasure can lead to death, because there is nothing else to achieve, Venus is the goal (Also interesting to connect this to Bharani nakshatra_ the beginning and the end, like Revati(also the beginning and the end)_ the exaltation of Venus, both elephant yonis). Sweet and sour food, despite being percieved as opposites, both have a negative effect on teeth (teeth are Saturn_ natural malefic). While being considred auspicious, they need to be under moderation, and can only be indulged in when the structure(teeth_ Saturn) is perfected.

These people might come across as "too nice", "too sweet" or "too good" to some people, they might be viewed as innocent or seen in an idealized light.

A lot depends on the sign, house and the nakshatra placement, as well as on potential aspects to other planets or the dignity of both. This placement does not mean that life is all sunshine and rainbows, but it does mean that one area of a person's life is lucky. The degree of that luck varies based on factors I just listed above.

2. ♄☌☊

Saturn conjunct Rahu_ destiny blockage/ denial of destiny

Saturn and Rahu are both cold planets that induce anxiety. Saturn deals with restrictions, blockages, challenges, limits and time. Rahu is the destiny of a person, the desire born out of Ketu, that which you never had but crave and feel like you must have.

Both relate to the material. Saturn brings about the material results from its controls and limitations, Rahu is the Maya itself, the percieved reality. Saturn restricts and denies, while Rahu makes you shake from the sheer craving of it.

This conjunction might feel like a cruel joke of fate. What a person desires most is denied from them. It's like, life pushes you towards it (Rahu) but then denies is harshly (Saturn). Despite the Saturnian limits, this placement won't leave you alone, because Rahu never does.

Imagine that you want something, maybe unwillingly, that circumstances and people around you always seem to push you towards it, but you also feel judged for wanting it/to do it, and that you also feel judged for not doing it.

In this aspect, the circusmtances can be interpreted from the nakshatra placement of Saturn and Rahu (and Ketu, because they're always connected), what you want can be seen in the house placement as well the nakshatra and the sign.

(This coming example is not from my chart) For example, if that the conjunction occurs in the sign of Gemini, the nakshatra of Ardra in the 5th house, and let's say Ketu is in Mula in the 11th, the person is pushed towards creativity and self-expression that includes a lot of other people(Ardra). They might want to mingle at large parties and express themselves creatively with others in an analytic and cerebral way, they might want to be respected for their logical mind and for suitable education. They might want their creative works to have collective value, and to have opinions that spark discussion, but they might never have felt worthy of it, they might thunk that they're stupid or that everyone will judge them if they dare to express themselves, because they might have experiencied that before in their life.

This is a constant tug-of-war between caution and leaping. If another planet aspects this point(esp conjunction), it becomes of immensely major importance, also given that Ketu is on the other side. A lot of what the native experiences with this feels out of their control.

I imagine there comes a time (or many) when this proccess leads to a crirical point of release, when the native has to make a decision. How gradual or immediate it is depends on everything else connected to it (sign, nakshatra, house).

Saturn is going to reward you eventually if you do everything right, and Rahu is going to calm down once you accept it and pay little attention to it (balance it with your Ketu).

3. 🌙☌♂️

Mars conjunct Moon_ sensitivity and reactivity

Both Mars and Moon represent both. Moon is sensitive and its reactions arise from the influence of others. Mars tries to defend itself because of their sensitivity and reacts out of that necessity, against whatever most others have decided.

For example, a moon dominated person's first instinct might be to try to find comfort in the surroundings when they feel sensitive, to mesh with and adjust to others. A person more dominated by Mars is most likely going to do something different and draw a clear line to set themselves apart.

When those two planets are together, a person might struggle between those two. They might react impulsively and emotionally when they feel threatened, they might angry-cry. Not necessarily a victim mentality placement but when reactions and actions are tied to the emotional and mental subcouncious of a person, they're bound to have some dramatic reactions sometimes. They also impulsively decide things on their own and might blame circumstances later if they do not work out.

Their mother might be/have been a domineering or bossy person, rarely considerimg the feelings of the native while making decisions.

These people feel fragile naturally, but they're very much capable of defending themselves. The thing is that that takes a lot of their energy that could be saved or spent doing something else.

They might also feel passionate about certain things/causes in a "more than average" intense way. They tire themselves out.

Moon is milky, cold and placid. Mars is pungent, heated, spicy. If Moon is dairy, Mars is chilli or garlic. So, there is a certain balance within this individual, but it's always at the risk of overacting or overinvesting, especially if one or both planets are not placed favorably.

Even then, this placement has a risk of unnecessary aggression (or aggression presented as care), especially when it's placed in a tense/triggering nakshatra like Dhanishta (even though Mars is exalted) or in an intense sign like Scorpio, despite the fact that Mars does well in both of those places on its own.

4. ☀️☌♄

Sun conjunct Saturn _ humble soul, integrated ego

So this one is interesting and kind of classic, because Sun and Saturn together is quite a pair.

Traditionally, they're considered enemies, but in the case of people ruled by their nakshatras, theose people work extremely well together.

Natives who carry this conjunction are used to feeling small and inferior since they could remember.

Sun is the soul, Saturn is the limitation. Soul is limitless on its own and immortal in its essence, and despite the fact that Saturnian material boundaries do not kill it, they still give it a really hard time.

Saturn is basically the "maker" of the in-carnation (coming into the body) in a sense that it rules time, finite-ness and all things tangible. In a way, Sun is more solid and crystalized, but it also cannot shine to the full extent that it wants to.

This placement gets easier and easier with time and it's not the worst affliction that a person can have. It's still stable (unless there's also Mars, Moon or Rahu involved) and constructive on some level.

It still does mean that Sun is afflicted by anxiety and nervousness though.

These natives need to develop an immunity to being intimidated and ridiculed. They have to learn to let the unnecesary doubt go.

They might feel like they can never get away with anything. It's like, one way or another, they can never avoid punishment, even if others somehow can and even if it seems unfair.

There is an air of seriousness with them when it comes to their personal lives and individuality. They might not like overly jovial people and are hesitant to trust them. Depending on the sign, house and nakshatra placements, this is going to expand to the areas that they represent.

If, for example, this point is in Gemini, in Punarvasu, in the 4th house, this is going to affect the way they communicate and connect to family members and people close to them, also their subconcious and sense of safety. If it's in Scorpio, in Jyeshta, in the 7th house, it's going to affect their partner(s) and enemies, their competitive side, how they present themselves to everyone who isn't them, who they consider to be "the other". If it's in Aries, in Krittika, in 9th house, it's going to affect their sense of self in the grand scheme of things, their beliefs and philosophy, what they consider to be morally good and correct or not, how they define themselves within the world as they see it.

[violet-moonstone]

once more defending my love, book!elphaba thropp

reading reviews of wicked and im seeing people say they hate book elphaba because she's "unlikable"

so many people love the feel good vibes of the musical while not seeing that they sound exactly like people who would have shunned elphaba at shiz for not being pleasant enough and making them feel unsettled instead of putting them at ease

I'm saying this because I find that people are often much more charitable towards fictional characters than real people -- and people IRL who have Elphaba's severe, unwavering personality and unwillingness to conform often face the same social stigma she did, no green skin required. Like yes, Elphaba was an outcast because she had green skin, but I don't think the green skin is the point of the novel. I think her being green is a visual manifestation of being so at odds with what you're "supposed" to be that people demonize you for it. Book Elphaba is queer and hinted to be intersex. I read her as neurodivergent, so this all tracks to me, and considering that other forms of oppression and stigmatization are very important themes in the narrative, I think the green-ness simply emphasizes to the other ways in which she's marginalized.

Trying not to go into the Wicked rant that I tend to do every few months but I feel it coming on

I'm all here for critiques of the novel, because it certainly has flaws, and I understand why people don't enjoy it -- but there is something funny to me about people wanting a narrative about looking beneath the surface to find true value but hating the version of that story that requires the most compassion to appreciate. Like the musical is fun and well-made but it does not require any effort to like musical Elphaba because she's conventionally attractive woman who's feisty and kinda quirky...oh and she's also green. And her being green matters more to the other characters than to us. We don't care that she's green (because we already know it would be wrong to judge her based on that) and the musical gives us no other reasons to judge her, so we don't really have to process any complex emotions.

(Sidenote, I think if book Elphaba were still green but more conventionally attractive, bubbly, and less political, she would not have been as much of an outcast -- at least not in her later adolescence. Her green-ness could have been a novelty or spectacle that she used to her advantage if she made up for it by being more palatable in other ways. Of course, she would never do this, because that's simply not Elphaba. She could never twist herself to be anything other than who she is, even out of social self-preservation.)

Book Elphaba is so much more prickly and unpleasant --and hell, so was I at the height of my social ineptitude and feeling like there was something so so wrong with me (because why for the love of God couldn't I just fit in and act the way the cool kids my age did).

Her unpleasantness and seriousness and insistence on talking about important things that make people uncomfortable are her green-ness imo. Those are the things that affect how we as the reader experience her, and we must experience her strangeness as well.

And while I understand that if the moral of the story is essentially "don't judge a book by its cover" then yes, you can tell a thematically sound story about a girl who is actually pretty cool but just happens to be green and talk about how she's ostracized simply because she looks different. That's a perfectly fine story -- but I think it can go much further -- because it's not only wrong to marginalize people who look different, it's also wrong to marginalize those who are internally different. Difference is persecuted whether its visual or behavioural.

Even if Elphaba weren't green, there are inherent aspects of who she is that prevent her from conforming to the ideal, both in her world and ours. And I think valuing her with all of those things in mind is a lot more rewarding than simply liking her despite the fact that she's green.

Anyway I love Elphaba Thropp and I don't think her being more palatable would have made the story better — it simply would have made it more popular, and I think on that at least, fans of both the book and musical should be able to agree is not an inherently better thing.

...

OK one last point, I saw someone saw they prefer the musical because it has more "girl power" meanwhile the book feels "obviously written by a man" and I just...dear god what a surface level take

Yes Gregory Maguire is a man (oh, the horror!), but he wrote the women in Wicked as people, without hand wringing about if they're likeable or pleasant enough. They are flawed and raw and not just there to make the audience feel warm and fuzzy. He writes about sexuality without making women feel like sexual objects -- I suspect because he also writes about the sexuality of his male characters (the women aren't just in the story to turn us on) and he himself is gay, so there may be less male-gaze going on than with a lot of men who write fantasy. Yes, characters are described in sexual ways, but this happens regardless of gender.

[alphajocklover]

I really want a hot boyfriend. does instajock always make you straight or can I use it on a guy to make him more my type? (and maybe also make me more his type)

So, I think there's been a bit of a misunderstanding, one that I want to clear up. While I do my best to report on different transformation methods, I can’t include every detail about every one of them. My posts are relatively short and don’t always cover everything, because if I did it would take forever. The lack of details, plus some distracting pictures, leads to a lot of people getting details mixed up or getting confused. It’s happened before, and I think it’s what is happening here. I say this because as far as I can remember I have never mentioned anything about InstaJock turning someone straight.

InstaJock can change a person's sexuality, theoretically, through the settings and details section that I've mentioned in previous posts. The thing is, it normally doesn’t. Instajock changes its users personality, their body, and their mind, but for some reason their sexuality will usually stay the same. They’ll become more openly sexual, and also often very flirtatious to fit their new jock persona, but their sexual identity doesn’t change. Even when their sexuality does change it usually turns them gay, not straight.  For some reason the app's already confusing setting page is set up so it's a lot easier to set your sexuality to gay then to straight. My best guess for why the app is set up that way is that the creator, or creators, are gay themselves and have a thing for jocks. I mean, you don’t make a seemingly impossible app that changes people into dumb jocks if you don’t have some sort of kink for it.. So, If you use the app on someone who's already gay you’ve probably got nothing to worry about. Chances are they’ll stay gay, unless they happen to have a huge conversion kink and are really good with computers. Anyways, now that we’ve cleared up that issue let's get into the specifics of your issue. 

Changing someone's personality and identity so that they’ll be your ideal boyfriend is… pretty questionable, if I’m being honest. But so is much of what happens in the world of transformations, so I’ll focus on the ‘how to’ rather than the morals. Your first problem is one I’ve brought up before: You can only give someone the app if you already have the app. Only an already transformed Jock can invite another person to InstaJock. You’d only be able to transform him,but only if you are changed yourself. I know you said you’d be with being changed, but once you become a jock figuring out the app will be much harder, so you might not end up his type, or he might not end up yours. I think your best bet would be to convince a jock to change both of you. InstaJock users can send out multiple invites at once, so it would be easy even for him. Though I wouldn’t be surprised if he makes a dumb mistake. He is a jock afterall.

I do hope this works out for you. Not because I approve of what you’re doing, but because there are a lot of ways this could go wrong. One of you could have your sexuality changed when you get transformed, the jock who changes you both might make you brothers instead of boyfriends, or you and he could just not click. Just because someones your type doesn’t mean they’re the right person for you. Even if you and your target don’t end up together, I think you will have a much easier time getting a boyfriend after you use InstaJock. I hate to be shallow, but dating is usually easier when you have a 6 pack and huge pecs.

[yayll]

Hi!! It’s my first time requesting something so I dont know how that works.. um I was thinking of some mission like some kind of ball that dazai and y/n has to go and y/n has to seduce someone to get information out of them. You know those masquerade balls? Yeah I think that really goood!! And dazai gets sooooooooo jealous and after she got the information dazai kiss her infront of that person to show him that she’s his😭😭😭😭😭😭omg

HIII angel sorry this took me a while, but i hope you like it :') i tweaked your idea a lil and fingers crossed this is what you so graciously asked for. i tried to put my best jealous goofy ass dazai in there along with the absolute MUSH his brain turns into when he has you to himself mixed with a lil........ fucked in the headness. i love requests! this was soooo fun to write i love youuuuuu <3

~ a little something about Dazai and his uncharacteristic jealousy ~

"Osamu, come on... You're my only sweetheart, you know that."

You call out half sweetly and half out of breath as you follow him down the hallway of the lavish event you were currently attending, dressed to the nines and trying to remain undercover. You were coming to realize why people didn't date within the workplace as he walked ahead, grumbling to himself. He's trying to remain unfazed, pretending to still be upset as he shrugs with his back turned to you.

"Hmph. I dunno, I don't feel like I'm your 'sweet' anything..."

This causes you to roll your eyes affectionately and pick up the pace, placing a hand on the back of his shoulder to finally stop him in his tracks. You flash him a sincere smile, and speak softly.

"I'm really sorry you had to see that. I didn't know that asshole was going to kiss me after he let me go. I also didn't think you'd ever get jealous..."

You say that last part with a more playful tone, treading dangerous waters of your unpredictable lover's emotions. As expected, he sighs dramatically, casting you a look of disgust.

"Ugh, of course I'm not... That's honestly sooo lame and pathetic. I can entertain jealousy as much as I can entertain one of Kunikida's little speeches on morals, or whatever."

"You mean his 'ideals'?"

You chide, stifling a laugh. He glares at you, his eyes narrowing as he scans you for a moment.

He can't find a single flaw on that precious face, not a single stray hair or stain on your exquisite outfit. He should change that by the end of the night.

"... You're always so negative, correcting me and whatnot. Isn't it tiring being so irritatingly superior in every way?"

This one gets a laugh out of you, You can tell he's slowly lightening up his mood by the way you both begin walking side by side once again.

"Yeah well, if it weren't for that little kiss earlier, we'd both still be all tied up in the wine cellar of this wonderful party."

He flashes you a pout, and shrugs dismissively.

"And here I thought you of all people would like the idea of being tied up with me. Hmph, wrong partner, I suppose."

Now he was starting to pick back at you, though it was cute. Jealousy looked cute on him, it was something you didn't think he was capable of. It was a pity it had to be during a mission where your main asset was your seduction skills and his was mental instability. You hated every second of it, but you also wanted to make sure you both made it out with the secret intel alive.

You make your way into the grand ballroom, the gala is in full swing, and your eyes dart around to find a proper escape route. Just as you see an exit, a handsome and well dressed young man blocks your view, sticking his hand out.

"Hi. You're gorgeous. Care for a dance?"

You stare down at his hand and then back up at the stranger, your face flushing as you're caught off guard.

"Me? No, no I-"

Dazai immediately interjects, sloppily holding a glass of champagne that somehow manifested in his hand and pretends to be drunk. He loved his theatrics, especially when he was desperate.

He bumps harshly into the young man's shoulder, the alcohol sloshing out of the cup as he slurs, but not before he flashes you a wink to tell you to play along.

"Sooo sorry, pardon me. This indeed beautiful angel is quite busy you see... Taking care of me that is. Ooh, I'm a wreck! I'm nothing but a sad and lonely dog.. In this sad and lonely world-"

The man looks at Dazai skeptically, and huffs into a chuckle. He shoves him away, and turns his attention back to you. Your eyes dart nervously between the two, wondering what Dazai will do next.

"Shut it, clown.. Anyway, I think this further proves you should be in the company of a gentleman like me tonight rather than this wet mop-"

The sound of a champagne flute soaring through the air and connecting to the man's skull is suddenly heard, interrupting him and sending him falling to the ground along with broken glass and liquid everywhere. In one swift motion, Dazai is at your side with a premature victorious smirk, but before you can both be on your way, the man regains his posture and spins him around, punching him square in the face. Dazai's not scrawny or weak, but he isn't the most skilled fighter, relying mostly on his special ability and intelligence to get him out of things.

You gasp, instinctively grabbing Dazai by the collar of his suit and dragging him away to get lost in the crowd of concerned people. You finally make it outside and you both collapse onto the soft grass just outside the venue. It's decorated with all kinds of flowers and fragrant rose bushes, it almost looks like you're at the garden of Versailles. You look over at Dazai, his nose bleeding all over the place, but he looks completely unbothered by it. As you reach over to touch the bridge of his nose, he grabs your wrist and holds it away gently. He waves a finger at you.

"No touchy, I've got it."

He does not, in fact, got it. He looks around until he plucks a rose petal and uses it to wipe his nostrils. You frown, getting all up in his space within an instant.

"What on earth are you doing, Osamu? Let me help, you goofball. Your nose is a mess thanks to that stunt you pulled."

You tear off a bit of fabric from your outfit and dab his skin tenderly, holding his head on your lap now. You can see some blood has trailed down his neck, staining the bandages there along with the collar of his crisp white dress shirt you picked out for him this morning. Dazai perks up, his voice slightly strained but full of lightheartedness.

"How does it feel to work with the agency's most tactical and covert operative? Eh?~"

You bite back a smile, and shake your head. You murmur.

"Feels like he's asking for a death wish a little more than usual."

Your lips soon become a thin line, realizing your statement hurts a little more in the context of the situation than it usually would. He notices your mood shift as his eyes flicker from your concerned eyes down to your lips and back up again. He knows it hurts you when he's like this, reckless and acting out on the impulses of his own plans. He wants to sit up and close the gap between you, kiss you until you drop down those brave walls you're putting up for the sake of the mission. For the sake of your feelings for him. He knows he's careless with it all.

He hums, eyes trained on you as if burning the image of your heavenly self into his mind, where you always deserve to be. In the distance, a bulky sketchy looking man runs out of the venue frantically, looking around wildly and you both get the impression it's the guy from the cellar earlier who kissed you in exchange for your freedom.

Shit! You could have sworn you knocked him out cold. Dazai sits up from your lap and you two scoot more into the bush, trying to hide from him as he makes a call. You mutter under your breath, turning to Dazai as you begin to type something out on your communicator.

"Now's the perfect time to let the others know we're ready for extraction."

He's already looking at you, or gazing admiringly more like. He knows he can fuck up everything, pay any consequence, but the thing he needs to get right for the selfishness of his wretched little heart is you. He scoots a bit closer, hearing the sounds of both your shallow breaths harmonizing. He mutters, softly.

"It would also be the perfect time for you to kiss my face better. You know, for my wellness and all that. Besides, that guy wasn't very nice to us earlier and we need to get rid of any traces of him from those lips. Yuck."

You roll your eyes yet again, despite the fluttering that won't let your stomach rest.

"Who cares about that, we have a case to close first."

He smirks, voice dropping low and provocative.

"I care."

He leans in even further, practically caging you with both arms on either side of you. He can feel your breathing become more erratic, his own filled with a pathetic sense of need he always has when he's with you. Dazai's hand reaches out and grabs your chin, turning it up slightly to face him, making sure you drop this silly act once and for all. His voice comes out gentle, firm.

"I need you to physically push me away, or I swear I'm going to kiss you right now, cutie."

Your eyes widen as you let a shaky breath escape your plush lips, murmuring in return.

"I'll.. punch you in the nose again, you know..."

His hand moves from your chin to the side of your face, cupping your cheek as he takes another breath, his body aching to be as close to yours as possible. His eyes are fixed on you, tearing you apart right then and there, but not before putting you back together so nicely. In that moment, he knows you don't mean that, and he knows he can't resist anymore.

He then whispers with a finality, the anticipation torturing him like you do on a daily basis.

"I don't think I'm going to listen to that..."

You break into a faint smile as you perceive him back.

"You've still got a little blood on your-"

Without another word, Dazai closes the remaining distance between you and him, kissing you with fervor as his soft whines reverberate against your lips. You taste sweetness and then... metallic as your lips mesh together for a heavenly moment. He feels alive, this was what he needed, the soothing balm for his soul and any other wound only you could provide. He's like a vampire, a parasite leeching off of your very essence so he could be himself around you. Cowardly burrowing into the safety of your heart. You squirm just a tad, your fingers carding through his brown hair as you try to keep up. He pulls back after his nose can't push more air through and keeps his lips hovering over yours, feeling the heat from your mouth mingle with his as he sees your lips stained red with his blood. Just as he's going to comment on how disgustingly erotic it is to see you like that, he pushes away the indecent thoughts, using the bandage on his wrist to wipe your mouth instead.

"Okay, I'll be good for now. You can call for extraction.~"

It was a dumb thing to do and could be seen as him being territorial or jealous, but the reality of it was that it was the natural order of things when it came to the way he processed his affections. Someone gets in between the two of you in any way?

An uglier and more dangerous past version of himself would have called for an immediate execution, there was a reason he held the titles that he did. He did his very best to keep that mentality at bay, rebuking it every time he felt a dark urge that he felt needed to be dealt with, mostly for your sake and for the sake of the promise he made to a friend once. Though he can't lie and say that's not who he is anymore, he can always find a better way to get his point across... even if a wishful bullet to the head comes out in the form of a kiss on your precious lips. He'll try for you. He'll wear the fastidious label proudly and be Dazai, a jealous man.

[burnednotburied]

Chapter 6: A Dagger In One Hand

AO3 Link | Masterlist

Pairing: Abby Anderson x fem!reader

Fic Synopsis: Abby goes looking for Owen and ends up on the wrong end of your knife.

Tags/CWs: angst; slowburn; mutual pining; enemies to friends to lovers; talks of purity culture/ideals and “sin”; internalized homophobia and some comp-het feelings (they’re both so gay but so dumb about it); animosity between WLF and Seraphites; blood/gore; descriptions of being hanged; religious/cult-like ideas

Note: I'm really sorry for how long it took for me to write this chapter. Life's been a bitch lately. Keeps kicking me while I'm down, so to speak.

Someone asked about a taglist, so I'm starting one! Please comment if you want to be added :)

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Abby fell asleep surrounded by Scars but woke up alone.

She sat up, blinking away the stubborn remnants of her dreams. Images of her father, alive, and simpler times.

Sunlight shone in from nearby windows, indicating that it was probably already late morning, if not early afternoon, meaning that she’d slept much later than she’d meant to. Much later than she normally would.

But the last couple of days had been anything but normal.

The sound of voices in the hallway brought Abby to her feet and out the door.

Lev and Yara stood just down that hall, arguing, their voices low and insistent.

“Even if you make it, she’s not going to come with you,” Yara said.

“I can convince her.”

“We broke the rules, Lev! That’s all she’ll care about!”

Abby didn’t know who or what they were talking about, and she wasn’t nearly awake enough to begin to decipher it. Behind her, a door opened, across the hall from the room she’d come from.

“Abby?”

Your voice was quiet. Almost surprised. Like you hadn’t expected to see her standing there.

She shivered, as if you’d touched her.

She wished you would touch her.

Jesus. She really needed to get her thoughts in check.

She turned to face you.

You smiled, a stark contrast to the tense words being exchanged just around the corner. “Hi.”

“Hi.” Abby might have just woken up, but she could’ve sworn there was a halo of light surrounding you.

Maybe she was still dreaming.

Her too-recently-conscious eyes could only take in one thing at a time. First, your eyes. She was stuck there for a while. Probably much longer than what was socially acceptable. You had beautiful eyes.

Then, your mouth. Lips still slightly upturned in a warm smile. She wanted to know if you greeted everyone like this. If that smile was a common sight to those around you or if it was just for her. She couldn’t imagine she’d done anything to deserve special treatment from you, but looking at you smiling at her felt like a gift. One that she couldn’t possibly have earned.

It was at that moment that Abby remembered that she was looking at the Seraphite Prophet.

Isaac had warned her about you just over forty-eight hours ago. He’d said that the greatest threat you posed was in your ability to win people over, earning their loyalty even at the cost of their own morals. Their life-long allegiances. Their people. 

She understood now why you had been chosen to be the new Prophet. There was something about you that drew people in – had them letting their guard down – with or without all of the Seraphite brainwashing. 

Hell, Abby met you two days ago and she was already prepared to leave the certainty and security of the Washington Liberation Front to follow you wherever you wanted to go.

There was something magic about you. You must have a similar effect on everybody.

Abby was momentarily relieved, feeling like she’d solved an equation. She wasn’t losing her mind. (At least not any more than anyone else around you was.) This wasn’t her fault. It was yours.

Even as she thought it, it sounded stupid to her. But the only alternative was that these thoughts and feelings were uniquely, inherently her own. And that could only lead to the hope that you might feel the same way about her. 

She finally managed to pull her eyes away from your face and noticed that you were carrying a small, neatly folded pile of clothes. 

“Mel gave these to me,” you said, following her gaze. “She said that they don’t really fit her anymore.” Abby only blinked at you incredulously, not understanding. If she hadn’t just woken up, she would’ve known what you meant. “You know. Because of the–” You trailed off, using your hand to make an arching motion over your own stomach, as if to represent a pregnant belly. “–the baby.”

“Oh. Yeah.” Abby looked away, running a hand absently over her braided hair. “Makes sense. That was… nice of her.”

You nodded, falling quiet as Lev and Yara’s voices grew louder just around the corner, the two of them still arguing.

“I can’t believe she’s on her feet already,” Abby said after a minute.

Your worried look gave way to another small smile. “Yes, well, Yara’s always been tough.” 

There was so much that Abby didn’t know about you. And Yara and Lev. And about your history together. She’d been picking up on bits and pieces of it, especially yesterday with Lev. It had taken some time, but he definitely started opening up to her as they traveled to and from the hospital.

He had even turned things around on Abby and asked what was going on between you and her. And he seemed to find it funny when she got flustered and dodged the question entirely. 

But you had not been such an open book. And Abby wanted to know more. She wanted to know everything. 

She just didn’t know where to start.

“What are they fighting about?” she asked instead. 

“Lev is worried about their mother,” you explained, just loud enough for Abby to hear. “About what’ll happen to her because of them.”

“Should he be worried?” she asked.

“He needs to focus on his own safety right now.” 

“What could happen to her?” If she had to guess based on what she knew about the Seraphites, it couldn’t be good.

You looked away. “Sometimes parents are held responsible for their children’s sins. But their mom is so devout that she’ll probably be fine.”

“Are there options? For helping her?”

You frowned. “Lev wants to go back to the island to get her. But he would never be able to convince her to leave. I’m not even sure that I could, and I’m–”

“The Prophet?” Abby finished.

You moved on without acknowledging that truth. “Yara and I are more worried about what she might do to him.” Before she could think of a response to any of that, you looked back at her, shaking your head like you were shaking those thoughts away. “They’ll work it out. Lev’s not unreasonable.”

“He’s a kid,” she said frankly. “I’m not an expert, but aren’t kids supposed to be hard to reason with, especially when they’re emotional?”

“He’s a Seraphite,” you corrected her. “Seraphites are never really kids.”

Again, Abby felt the urge to ask you to explain, to tell her more about what you meant by that. 

“I could use your help with something–” you said, hesitant, “–if you wouldn’t mind. I would ask Yara, but she’s occupied. And she’s also down one arm.”

“Yeah,” Abby said, sincere and probably far too eager. “Of course. What do you need?”

You smiled gratefully and gestured for her to go back into the room where you had all slept. She followed without question, shutting the door behind her. 

“It’s kind of embarrassing.” The look on your face told her that you wouldn’t be asking if you didn’t have to. “It’s this dress,” you said. “It isn’t meant for me to be able to take it off myself. One or two of my attendants would always have to help.” And then you turned, just enough to draw Abby’s attention to the back of the dress, where there was an admittedly overly complicated looking corset thing going on. It looked cool, but yeah, she could see how it would be difficult, if not impossible, for you to undo it by yourself.

“They might as well have sewn me into it,” you added, doing your best to look at it over your shoulder. Then you turned back to face her. 

She took a beat before she found her voice. “You have attendants? Like maids?”

You shot her an exasperated look. “I had attendants. But they are on the island and I am here, and it’d be really great if someone would help me get out of this thing once and for all.”

“Yeah yeah, I got it,” Abby said, smiling now. “Turn back around.”

You sighed but did as you were told, tossing the pile of clean clothes on the couch for the sole purpose of being able to cross your arms over your chest. Abby chuckled, surprised but amused by your sudden attitude. 

She stepped up behind you, taking a closer look at the fabric contraption that had you trapped in this dress. It suddenly occurred to her that, in order to help you with this problem, she would have to get very close to you… And that she’d have to touch you… And that this would inevitably end with you taking off your clothes. Hell, she was (technically speaking) the one who would be undressing you.

She cleared her throat and tried – not for the first time that day and probably not for the last – to get her thoughts under control. You weren’t coming on to her. You just needed help. You probably would’ve been just as likely to ask Mel to do this. 

Abby shifted on her feet behind you, lifting her hands to start what was sure to be a very long untangling process, but she paused before actually touching the fabric that hugged your back. “Can I…?” she asked. It felt important to have your permission before she touched you. 

“Hmm?” you hummed, glancing over your shoulder before you realized what she meant. “Oh. Yes. Please.”

A thrill shot through her at the sound of you responding to her request to touch you with please.

God, there had to be something wrong with her.

No one – genuinely not one single other person in her whole life – had ever had this effect on her. 

She got to work on the dress, trying to convince her stupid, horny mind that the ribbons and fabrics beneath her fingers were not, in fact, attached to your body. She was unsuccessful.

“Jesus, they really did not want you getting out of this thing,” she huffed. “What? Was trapping you in your clothes their way of keeping you chaste?”

Since when did she say shit like chaste? It did sound like some bullshit the Seraphites would do though.

To her surprise, you laughed. “I think the idea was more likely to keep me dependent on others. Trapped both physically and mentally, you know? … It’s a dress, Abby. You don’t exactly have to take it off to have sex.”

Abby’s fingers stilled, her eyes went wide, and her face warmed. And she was glad you were facing the other way so you didn’t see any of it.

She changed the subject before she did anything stupid, like ask you literally anything else about that subject. “So… have you always worn this dress?”

It was a stupid question, but it’s the first thing she could come up with under these conditions.

“This exact dress, no,” you said. She could tell from your voice that you were smiling, and she couldn’t be sure but she thought you might be teasing her. “But some version of it, yes. Since the day I turned twelve. New ones were made for me as I grew and if they tore or got dirty, but it was always something like this.” You paused for a few seconds before going on. “It’s strange. I haven’t worn pants in eight years. I’m kind of excited.”

Abby couldn’t imagine being excited to wear Mel’s hand-me-down pants. But she also hadn’t been forced to wear the same virtually inescapable dress for nearly a decade. The thought alone made her chest feel tight. 

She had made a small amount of progress with the dress, but not as much as she would have wanted, and she was getting frustrated with the whole thing. She yanked on something that she thought would loosen it, but ended up making it much tighter. You let out a sharp hiss.

“Sorry,” Abby said quickly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do tha–”

“Do you want to just cut it off of me?” you asked, spinning around to face her again, clearly even more eager and annoyed than she was. 

“Umm.” Abby thought her brain might be shutting down entirely. “Yeah. I can do that. If you’re sure you’re not gonna want to wear it again.”

“I’m not going to want to wear it again,” you confirmed.

Neither of you had taken a step back when you turned around, which left very little space between you. Something that Abby was painfully aware of.

“Okay,” she said, voice low. “Then I guess I’m cutting you out of the dress.” But she didn’t move from where she stood, just a breath away from you.

You were the first to move, walking over to where you had all dropped your stuff yesterday and returning with your dagger. 

“Here.” Face unreadable, you offered the deadly blade to Abby handle-first. She took it as you spun back around.

She gripped the dagger’s hilt in her hand tightly. The trust that you must’ve had in her, to hand over your weapon and willingly turn your back to her… It made her feel brave.

Or maybe she had bravery and stupidity mixed up.

Abby began carefully cutting through the same ribbons that she’d previously been attempting to untie.

“Are there rules,” she asked, trying to sound nonchalant, “about abstaining from sex? I’ve read about a few Old World religions that were strict about that.” 

You were entirely unfazed by the question. “Seraphites have rules for everything. Some of them always made sense to me. But most of them are ridiculous. Meant only to ensure that our Elders are able to maintain complete control.” 

The top of the dress loosened and began to sag as Abby continued to slice through the offending constraints, until it was only held up by the straps. She had done enough for you to be able to easily get out of it. If you were to let those straps fall from your shoulders, the whole thing would fall to the floor, gathering at your feet. 

She looked away from the smooth expanse of skin in front of her and tried to force that image out of her mind. 

“Should be able to get it off now,” she said, deciding that it would actually be better for her to take several steps away. 

An earnest ‘thank you’ came from your lips as you grabbed the new clothes from the couch. You didn’t ask her to turn around, but she did anyway. And she was decidedly not thinking about what was going on behind her.

“To answer your question from before,” you began as you got dressed. “Yes, there are rules about that, but they’re wildly unimaginative. We are not permitted to be alone with someone of the opposite sex – outside of our family members – until a spouse is chosen for us. At which point, that person becomes a family member. So technically, we’re never allowed to be alone with someone of the opposite sex.”

“That sucks,” she threw out, not knowing what else to say as she stared at a random stain on the wall and forced herself to wonder how it might’ve gotten there.

“Probably. For most people. But I never really had a problem with it.” Your voice was much closer now, just behind her.

“Why not?” Abby’s question of if it was safe to turn around yet was answered with the light touch of your fingers against her wrist, trailing down to meet the dagger still grasped in her palm. She relinquished the knife to you, letting her hand linger against yours as she turned to face you, taking it all in.

You were, indeed, wearing pants. And also a shirt. And they both fit you pretty well.

And you were beautiful. There was always that.

You passed the dagger from your right hand to your left, and the look of determination on your face was nearly the same as it was moments after she first saw you. When Abby was hanging by her throat and you were going to kill her. Only this time the feeling coursing through her body wasn’t fear. It was anticipation. 

Whatever you were planning to do next, she wanted it. 

“Why not?” Abby had asked a minute ago.

“Because I’ve never had any interest in the opposite sex,” you answered as your right hand found its place against her jaw.

Time slowed as you stood there for a moment, holding a dagger in one hand and Abby’s face in the other. 

She thought you might kiss her. She was hoping you’d kiss her.

And then the door flung open and your hand fell to your side.

Yara was crying or yelling or both, and it took Abby way too long to process the words she was saying.

“Lev’s gone! He took a boat! He’s going back to the island!”

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Note: This chapter is a bit shorter than usual, but it felt good to end it here for now. Also, I want you to know that I'm dedicated to finishing this fic, and I know exactly where I want to go with it, so expect more updates soon!

Taglist: @h0meb0dyi @lmaoo-spiderman @quinnsadilla @rew1nds @sapphicontherun

[alexanderlightweight]

I'm glad you're doing better and I hope it continues! If you're still up for a prompt, something in Elysium's Tears or anything in the story (can't remember the name of it) where the Circle members' children are forced/arranged marriage to downworlders and Alec marries Magnus but then helps him with the antidote to a poison one of his fellow arranged marriage shadowhunters took.

thank you! i had a pretty painful procedure yesterday and slept a lot to recover and am now cackling at my bf's chromebook because I love plotting this fic and poor Magnus is having a Time with his shadowhunters spouse.

the verse you're talking about with the arranged marriage is the bitter trap of truth and is a fairly intense universe because Shadowhunters/nephilim marry downworlders in accordance to a treaty but really for the sole purpose of sowing discord and killing themselves and Alec is just like.... 'uhm no one said my spouse would be a husband? and that he would be this magical so i'm disrespectfully resigning from the clave and can no longer complete my mission to die. i need to live so I can be the best lair-husband ever.'

in the meantime, Magnus is keeping his gorgeous, shadowhunter husband if he has to fight the clave, death and etc to do it. he also (very understandably) has a hard time trusting Alec, his actions and motivations because what if this is an elaborate plot. Magnus would be devastated and while he'll keep Alec either way he also just doesn't want to do anything that will put him in a position of Alec betraying him.

i hope you enjoy <3

Lumine

-

tw suicide/murder mentions/idealation (specifically in service to the clave)

the bitter trap of truth

“Magnus, I can just stay here. I don’t actually need to go with you.”

Alexander’s voice breaks through the dark turn Magnus thoughts have taken and he looks over to see his husband lounging on the window seat. The book he is reading lies lax, threatening to slip from his fingertips as his attention focuses on Magnus.

The weight of Alexander’s gaze is nearly as delicious as the thrum of Magnus’ blood claiming Alexander from within. It flows through his body with a possessive fervor that often leaves Magnus greedily reaching to caress the imprint of Alexander’s being upon his senses.

Alexander continues to break every possible expectation Magnus dares to have of him, even in matters like this.  Alexander should want to go, he should be pleading and cajoling and manipulating Magnus into taking him as this evening will be one of the rare places he’ll be around and allowed to interact with other nephilim.  Magnus has heard horror stories of just the kind of arguments and cold wars refusing to bring a nephil spouse to these banquets can incur.

Yet, since the invitation first arrived in a flare of fire Alexander has been downright docile about the topic. The first moment Magnus showed hesitancy in taking him, he’d seemed more pleased than upset, more interested in finding a new book to read than finding out who he could connect with.

“If it were that simple, we’d both stay here.” Magnus sighs and reaches out to feel the pulse of his own blood in Alexander’s veins. “And yet the Elder’s have requested I bring you,” he explains as he studies Alexander. “I think they expect me to make you something of a statement or a possible moral booster.”

It goes without saying that Alexander is the highest ranking shadowhunter who married out and is still alive.

Alexander is quiet, soft amusement in his eyes as he follows Magnus’ every movement.

“Despite how often you like to dress me up, you rarely have me meet anyone besides those closest to you.” It’s not a question but Magnus hums in agreement, it would be ridiculous and disappointing if Alec pretended he wasn’t aware. “You can tease that it’s because of how much you want to hide me away, but we both know the target I’ve had on my back since we married.  Events like these are almost always when a nephilim dies. By their own hand or the so-called mercy of another nephilim. I know why you’re worried, Magnus.”

Every time Alexander speaks so openly, Magnus is stunned all over again, his heart racing with freshly piqued interest even as the thought of death claiming Alexander from him chills his blood. 

“You think I’ll let you die?” Magnus asks, voice low and harsh with the surge of anger that overtakes the fear filling him at the thought. He closes the space between them and reaches out, cupping Alexander’s jaw and tilting his head up to meet his eyes. “Do you think, Alexander, that you are allowed to die without my permission?”

“No.” And Alexander turns into his grip, lips pressing in a soft, reverent kiss to his palm. “But I think it’s what everyone else expects and something that you have a right to be concerned about. Regardless of my own wishes, it wouldn’t be surprising for an attending nephilim to try and offer me mercy. Either by orders of the Clave or their own misguided sense of kinship.”

Alexander is both soothing Magnus’ ire while simultaneously fanning the flames of his rage.  

“If I have to go, then you should do whatever you need to do to feel confident and secure in my safety. In the fact that I won’t leave your side or willingly place myself in danger. That I won’t go anywhere you can’t follow or watch over me.” 

“Oh? Whatever I want?” Magnus asks, curving his tongue around the delicacy of the offer, the knowledge that Alexander will simply let Magnus do as he wishes.

“Anything, Magnus. Whatever will help, I’m already yours aren’t I? Do you think I mind that being proven to the world? That I’ll mind the entirety of the Shadowworld understanding where I stand? My position in this relationship was made clear the moment I survived both our wedding night and the month that followed.  The Clave has figured out by now now that I want to survive, that I want to live as long as it’s with you.”

-

alec: more than happy to stay home and read up on how to clean a magical lair and feed your incredibly handsome warlock husband

magnus: one: I don't want to leave you alone for longer than ten minutes and two: i'm supposed to show you off. the problem is showing you off while letting everyone know 'do not approach, do not look at, don't talk to, don't breathe near etc...'

alec: sounds more than reasonable. so why don't you just do whatever you need to feel better about my safety

magnus: .... whatever?

alec: yeah, anything that you'd like

magnus: ... no take backs!

[calisverse]

PASSION AND OBSESSION SENTENCES QUOTES. all sentences and quotes are taken from goodreads quotes archives with the key word: obsession. bare in mind some of the language includes possessive love and mentions of stalking and obsession in general. change names, locations, pronouns as you see fit.

“I would like to be the air that inhabits you for a moment only. I would like to be that unnoticed and that necessary.”

“The world was collapsing, and the only thing that really mattered to me was that she was alive.”

“I must get my soul back from you; I am killing my flesh without it.”

“If you ever looked at me once with what I know is in you, I would be your slave.”

“All extremes of feeling are allied with madness.”

“When you have seen as much of life as I have, you will not underestimate the power of obsessive love.”

“I have little left in myself -- I must have you. The world may laugh -- may call me absurd, selfish -- but it does not signify. My very soul demands you: it will be satisfied, or it will take deadly vengeance on its frame.”

“Don't be self-conscious, if I could dream at all, it would be about you. And I'm not ashamed of it.”

“You become what you think about all day long.”

“He did not care if she was heartless, vicious and vulgar, stupid and grasping, he loved her. He would rather have misery with one than happiness with the other.”

“Even when I'm dead, I'll swim through the Earth, like a mermaid of the soil, just to be next to your bones.”

“I desire to be with you. I miss you. I feel lonely when I can't see you. I am obsessed with you, fascinated by you, infatuated with you. I hunger for your taste, your smell, the feel of your soul touching mine.”

“I wish I knew how to quit you.”

“I love you so much that nothing can matter to me - not even you...Only my love- not your answer. Not even your indifference”

“I think you can love a person too much.

You put someone up on a pedestal, and all of a sudden, from that perspective, you notice what's wrong - a hair out of place, a run in a stocking, a broken bone. You spend all your time and energy making it right, and all the while, you are falling apart yourself. 

“This connection we have isn't going away, it's only getting stronger. Because the more I spend time with her, the closer I want to be.”

“I wanted to see you again, touch you, know who you were, see if I would find you identical with the ideal image of you which had remained with me and perhaps shatter my dream with the aid of reality.

“The truth was...he was in love with her. Totally over-the-line, no-going-back, not-even-dead-would-he-part kind of shit.”

“I will be with her again, or I will die. There aren’t any other options”

“From the first time I saw you, I've belonged to you completely. I still do. If you want me.”

“An over-indulgence of anything, even something as pure as water, can intoxicate.”

“Somewhere between love and hate lies confusion, misunderstanding and desperate hope.”

“I'm not good enough for you. But no one is. And most men, good or bad, have limits to what they would do, even for someone they love. I have none. No God, no moral code, no faith in anything. Except you. You're my religion. I would do anything you asked. I would fight, steal, kill for you."

“If you're that obsessed with someone, why would you kill her? Humans are full of contradictions.”

“It may be that you are settled in another place it may be that you are happy but the one who took your heart wields final power.”

“You want to be free. You also want to be mine. You can't be both.”

“How did one not obsess over something wonderful? How did one like something a reasonable amount?”

“My whole life was about her, what if her whole life wasn’t all about me?”

“Sex: In America an obsession. In other parts of the world a fact.”

“There is more to life than making a living. Do not work more than you live.”

“If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more.”

“I don't possess these thoughts I have --- they possess me. I don't possess these feelings I have --- They obsess me.”

“The outside world holds no interest for me without you.”

“...an obsession is a way for damaged people to damage themselves more.”

“I wish there was a word more than ‘love’ itself to convey what I feel for you.”

“But the most important thing I know is that I want the possibility of you more than the reality of [her].”

“You don’t always get to chose who you fall in love with”

“Mine first --mine last-- mine even in the grave!”

“When someone is stalking you because they think you are stalking them, it makes you wonder who really is the true stalker?”

“She has done for me at last, Rachel my torment.”

“Determination could easily become obsession.”

“Emotions don’t interfere in my acting, nor in my life.”

Is it love, obsession, infatuation? You don't know. You think of a strange and beautiful word you read about once.

“You fueled my obession, even encouraged it and your selfishness ruined my life”

“All scholars are a bit mad. All obsessions are dangerous.”

“Passion out of passion's obstacles.”

Passion. It lies in all of us. Sleeping...waiting... And though unwanted...unbidden... it will stir...open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us... guides us... Passion rules us all. And we obey. What other choice do we have?

If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank... Without passion, we'd be truly dead.

“How do you manage to make me feel like this?'

'You give me nothing, absolutely nothing, yet I can't stop wanting You.'

“We have formed a sick little friendship over the past year”

“I am the scourge of God”

“I love you. Everything and anything I do is for you. Only you.”

“But it is easy to call a man in love a mad man.”

“I write to explore the spaces between love and obsession, truth and illusion.”

“There were no constellations bright enough to blind me to him.”

[strwberri-milk]

Hello! I hope you’re having a great day!

Could I request LADS men with a reader who isn’t exactly ‘accepting’ of their line of work? I mean, I guess besides Sylus and Caleb, all of them have decent jobs that don’t require doing something ‘unethical’, so writing only those two will do. Maybe because of ideals, morale, and worry, they happen to harbor a hidden dislike towards their work. They don’t express this outright— only small hints, such as a frown when the men tell them they’re off on duty or something, which leads them to piece it together themselves. Of course, they still love them despite their jobs, but are still not so accepting of it.

hmm see i was thinking about this as a request but id like it to be more of a discussion!! so this is. more informal but definitely is discussing this request lolol

i totally get where youre coming from - if you were realistically going to date Sylus and Caleb you'd have to be fully aware of the factt hat what he does isn't really ethical and at times, asks him to make the decision of whether or not someone lives

an idealistic part of me wants to say that they'd quite their jobs for you and move to the country side and streoeptypical otome tropes would probably have them do that - true love prevails after all the these games are usually wish fulfillment so you can do literally anything and everything you want to them.

i feel like sylus would be more likely to either quite or somehow make his job more remote? he'd be okay with not killing people and just teaching them a lesson through other means - whether that be through just roughing them up (which you still probably wouldn't like if this is a problem) or through sabotage and blackmail (because i see both sylus and rafayel being intel KINGS they know anything and everything they want to know!)

if youre considering yourself as MC, then caleb would never leave his job. he doesnt care what you think of him - just that you are safe. its heavily implied/outright said that caleb is the only thing thats keeping you safe from the people who want to hurt you. he'll brush off any comments you make but if it gets to a point where he feels annoyed he might be prone to making a passive aggressive comment but he'll apologise wordlessly by buying you something or by saying things like "you know i'm doing this for you right"

(rafayel would honestly do the same since he does a bunch of underhanded work in private. the difference between him and caleb is he keeps that part of his life VERY far removed from you because i think he looks at you as this pure, perfect being and has a habit of idealising you thanks to both the bond + the way the lemurians love. not to say that he has you on like, some madonna whore complex but more so he worries that he could dirty you and he would hate himself if he ever did)

if you dont think of yourself as MC i feel like calebs whole story kinda falls apart/would requiure me to have knowledge of your own personal mc and how the interaction with caleb works. if youre just like, an average joe living your life he wouldn't be anything more than a pilot perhaps? no need to be involved in experiments but he might not even be alive because perhaps he's only here bc of those experiements maybe its a paradox maybe im just making things up BUT if he doesnt need to protect you from EVER (which i think is what hes protecting you on pleaes give me grace i play enough to get a grasp of his characrter/backstory but its been a hot minute since ive looked at it)

[seat-safety-switch]

"If I got shot by a dog," my partner began, "would you avenge my death?"

We both knew the answer. Dogs are the perfect creature, entirely blameless for any perceived offence. To hold one of nature's ideal beings responsible using our corrupt series of flawed laws would be a moral crime in its own right. If anything, we would be the oppressors.

"No," I barked towards the Caprice's dashboard.

Working in Animal Control had become significantly more difficult after those scientists figured out how to give dogs the power of speech. Suddenly, they were no longer our beloved companions. It turns out, all these years, dogs had just been going along with it because they didn't really understand how the law worked, and didn't seem to want legal personhood. Then they did. Things went downhill from there. You ever tried to deny a gang of vicious Dachshunds the fruits of their labours?

It's not what I signed up for, is all. What I wanted to do was help doggies and kitties get back to their loving homes. Turns out that makes me a bad guy. And that's exactly what I looked like that fateful night that I responded to a break-in at the old atomic laboratory.

"Bad dog! Drop that Strontium-90!" I yelled at a Schnauzer, my shaking hands holding a can of mace.

Suddenly, I was blinded by lights. Studio lights. It was a sting, set up by the local TV news to capture anti-canine brutality. I lost my job, and my attorney made me do a bunch of speeches to the kids at the newly-mixed high schools, explaining why what I did was a hate crime.

All I can say is that it's a good thing cats weren't interested. They knew they were at the top of the social pecking order already. Sorry, force of habit. I know magpies are trying to get the vote.

[queenendless]

CRIMSON

A/n: I legit don't know how to title this piece. Inspired by @xo-romiiarts and their artwork.

Also Guns for Hire by Woodkid fits this piece so listen to it while reading this or any song that gives dark!GoGe vibes.

CW ⚠️ : 4.7k worded piece with DARK MATURE themes/depictions of murder/genocide, teen dropouts/runaways, angst, hurt/comfort, romance/fluff, already established poly!teen!GoGe x fem!teen!curse seer!reader, set in an AU where the guys did go through with it ... you have been warned. ⚠️

Cause #261 and fanarts of Gojo saying yes to Geto have given me the push to finally get this out. I have been working on this since September of LAST YEAR SO I hope yall enjoy this.

And I'm working on a pt 2 to this set a few months to a year later of the aftermath. Cause Lord, Clan Head Gojo x Cult Leader Geto x Reader but they're dark now kinda I wanna explore in my own way. With them kids. Their kids. And scene.

*DO NOT REPOST, TRANSLATE, COPY, EDIT, PLAGARIZE, AND OR STEAL MY FANFIC WORK. Rather if you enjoy my fan work, then reblog, like, comment, n follow pls n thnx u.

"You're late, Suguru."

Indeed he was.

"No … I guess you got here fast. There are several Star Religious Group facilities in the city, after all."

Something felt seriously off the moment the snowy-haired sorcerer raised his head.

"Satoru? Is that you?"

The look in his eyes … practically radiating their potent rebirth … a stark contrast to the fading scuffs of blood running down the left half of his face, down both sides of his mouth, weariness evident.

"What happened?"

This was not his Satoru. This one … had seen hell first hand. In a twisted way, they both have today. Literally at death's door.

"I see you already saw Shoko."

"Yeah, she healed me. I'm fine now."

And yet, a long sleeved uniform arm slipped out from under the sheet, swaying a bit til staying still as a lifeless corpse would be.

"No … me being safe doesn't help anything here."

Not when he failed to keep their promise to Riko-chan. She was ready to walk away from the merger with him. Choosing to live for herself rather than follow her pre-chosen fate. Yet, fate had other plans. A cruel one, at that.

"I screwed up. You're not at fault." Gojo sounded so blunt, so calm … willing to accept all the blame for their greatest failure yet.

"Let's head back."

An eerie ringing began penetrating Geto's hearing as the clapping kept going. He chalked that up as an explanation as to why he thought he misheard Gojo's next words.

"Suguru, should we kill these guys? The way I feel right now, I doubt I'd feel anything about it."

As the form of Gojo carrying Amanai's draped body was being overshadowed by the pure white radiance of the smiling clapping cultists, Geto's morality dilemma prodded his mind, unable to meet Gojo's gaze.

"No. There's no point. It looks like there are only common believers here. The masterminds who know about our world have probably fled already. And unlike with the bounty, they won't be able to talk their way out of this. The organization had problems to begin with. It'll be dissolved soon enough."

Geto, standing in the pure white room of morality, starkly contrasted Gojo as he brushed past him and stood in the crimson room of immorality.

"No point, huh? Does there really need to be any point to it?"

Does there need to be a rhyme or reason for them to act on this? Ideally yes. They may be above the laws in most cases, but even sorcerers can't enact vengeance on regular humans. Unless they were curse users or even like the Sorcerer Killer, they couldn't lay a hand on them.

Realistically?

Right now?

The clapping grew louder, mocking him. Antagonizing him.

Gleefully celebrating her death and their own damaged, traumatizing failure.

Geto's left hand curled into a fist.

His morals were conflicting with his personal feelings; his fist shaking in restrained emotion.

His almond eyes, weariness tainting his eyebags, finally looked up.

Out at the clapping, smiling crowd.

"It's very important that there is. Especially for a jujutsu sorcerer."

Even the cruelest scum of the Earth get away scot free, never facing retribution. Darkness grew underneath him, outstretched to reach their seemingly untouchable light, as his fractured moral code made way for his true inner self to finally show its true colors.

"But not us …"

Gojo stiffened. Slightly looking back over his shoulder, peering inside the open doorway, his radiating Six Eyes turned on at the darkened gaze of Geto's eyes slightly looking back in return.

"Not today."

Rage and distraught guides him.

He would right this wrong.

To the bloody damn end.

Now triggered by those firm, final words, Gojo's heightened state strengthened as he set Amanai's body down gently on the hallway floor, the anger he didn't feel on her behalf in his rematch against the fallen Zen'in man was finally making its appearance, intertwining with an unhinged drive for chaos in his blood as a twisted gleam overtook his lips.

Survival of the weakest. Discouragement of the strong. That's how society should be; one where jujutsu sorcerers protect non-sorcerers. That's what he always strived to uphold despite his inner demons. But now… they as sorcerers still failed in the end.

Riko-chan, Kuroi-san, the weak but good ones, now dead by the orchestration of these unforgivable heinous —

"Monkeys." Having seen that monkey assassin's standing corpse himself on his way inside; decimated and dripping with bloodied spilled guts, made Geto wish he could deal the killing blow himself back in Tengen's domain.

This would have to do, feeling ready to puke when he uttered the same word as that scarred mouthed bastard, wincing as the shadowed hole he summoned released his newest curse.

The same cursed worm draped over his shoulder, opening its mouth to pop out the handle of a cursed tool, one Geto pulled out as swiftly as Gojo began ascending to heights unbound, slicing the cursed energized blade through the air as tears sprung from his unforgiving dark eyes.

"DIE!"

Those monkeys' glee changed to confusion then bursting out in waves of panic as the blade grew in length the more Geto spread his cursed energy into it.

Several heads got sliced sideways, splattering blood over some's prime white apparel, kicking off the shrill hysterics.

In an instant, Gojo blips out of sight only to plow through a row of them scurrying ants in his way like the cursed speedster he had become.

Blown off head chunks.

Fists jutted right through their torsos right and outta their spines.

Setting off carnage filled piñatas left and right.

Trained on every weakling in his sight, Gojo's uniform grew darker as more blood seeped further in with each blow.

Reappearing as he grabbed a randomly chosen neck, snapping it in two with ease, before blocking a panicking one that tried socking him from behind, glowing eyes narrowed in as he clenched their fist before ripping their arm right off with swift ease. Their tortured screech is heard one moment, the sound of bones crunching in Gojo's other hand the next.

Through hatred fueled adrenaline, Geto cleaved in them guts to match the mutilated limbs that rolled across the crimson spreaded floor.

Those attempting to flee were squandered as the force field of Limitless smooshed them, splattering the now cracked dented walls; minced red.

Many more sunken noggins soared in the air, sprinkling red from on high.

Screams and splatters became the symphony of Pandemonium.

Flinging the chain around the neck of one, Geto swung them like a chain and ball, crushing many others against the walls.

Those petrified hideous faces get their brains ruptured out; globby chunks vomiting out by mere cursed thought.

Many rammed right into the glass window ceiling, sending cracks racing in its wake, the pure white sunlight becoming a neon red.

Shards of glass rained down, deflected by Limitless as the pair found themselves back to back, watching with callousness as many were skewered like porcupines.

Limbless lumps of lifeless flesh plastered every inch of the once pristine interior from every wall, crevice, and even the ceiling had scarlet drenching it.

Their haggard breaths and sweaty burning faces aside, their dark craving for retribution still lingered in them both.

It wouldn't be enough.

Not until every last member was eviscerated.

Dismissing the worm, Geto scanned the room, trembling at the grotesque aftermath.

His cerise painted hands hung limply at his sides.

Amiss the madness, their residuals were there.

Fortunately they knew to an extent how to hide them. However long those held out, they couldn't waste a moment. Any longer than that spent here meant capture followed by immediate execution.

Feeling himself moving by a firm grasp tugging on his hand, his light headed state transitioned to a frigged one over what they had just committed. The solid squeeze of Gojo's sizzling hand helped pull him further out of his own unsteady mindset.

"Satoru …" He internally felt revolted at having those monkeys wretched blood covering his skin.

"Suguru."

Through the path of red, his closest friend – his ally in genocide – turned to him with cherry-red streaking his unbuttoned jacket and the collared white undershirt, for his glowing – exhausted – eyes were scarred with the brutal truth. Reaching his stained, steadfast hands out for that stained lost face, Gojo rested his forehead against Geto’s, staring into those stricken eyes of one of his most greatest treasures.

"Come with me. Let's get away.”

Blood trickled down from the ceiling, spilling along their hair, staining their faces, but both couldn't care less as they sealed it with a kiss. Lost in the bloody euphoria, relishing in one another's warmth.

The new taste of searing iron overtook the repelling flavor of cursed spirits, overwhelming the pair as Geto clawed at Gojo's back and the latter's hands massaged the former's supple cheeks, bringing muffled moans outta them both.

It feels right … anywhere … as long as it's with each other. It's just right.

Wherever they end up, whatever it may be, may it be nowhere near here whenever whichever sorcerers would be sent to investigate this now scene of massacre.

Once partners in sorcery.

Now partners in crime.

What a send off for them, the newly dropouts.

The clapping halted.

The ringing faded.

Their hearts felt lighter.

But something still felt off.

Someone was missing.

"Y/n." Geto's eyes opened to stare into Gojo's as they parted lips. "We can't leave her behind … we can't …"

Knowing their cursed seer partner probably foresaw the bloody chain of events that had recently just transpired in the last few hours. But knowing how abrupt they can be, maintaining and willing them into your mind’s eye was still a burdening struggle, ergo you being left behind at school for tiring training.

The heavy fog of bloodlust and tension between them lifted for now Geto's eyes lightened at sensing that familiar presence. He knew Gojo sensed it as well, for his glowing eyes followed his lead, taking Riko back in his arms, the duo raced to the surface outside.

You had ran outta the car that dropped you off down the street. You gulped to stifle back the bile at the gory sight of the fallen Zen’in still standing; the bloody puddle reaching for you now.

Your gaze averted once you spotted them coming out, hurrying over, your stomach churning at how scrapped up and red they appeared, but your empathy outweighed the disgust as Geto caught you in his heavy weighted grasp.

The fear in Geto's eyes mingled with confusion and concern. "Y/n … I … we –!”

Gojo’s eyes slanted as you kept your face hidden. "Did you get a vision?”

Your shaky nod against Geto’s chest paired with your ashamed tone. “I was too late … I,” An anxious pause of silence stretched between you three. “Shoko told me where you were headed after healing you … then came another one … of course you two would get Riko’s body back …”

They waited for the heart shattering blow. The final nail in the coffin. You shunning them away, cutting ties immediately. Rejecting them for their heinous act. Fleeing away in horror to Jujutsu High, reporting their sorry asses and ousting them as traitors. All the above — !

“The system would have let these zealots slip through the cracks. They … their assassin … they all deserve to rot in hell for what they've done … all because of Tengen … Kuroi and Amanai have been avenged.” Your callous tone kinda threw them off a tad bit.

Geto gulped. “You … You're okay with it?”

Your head finally rose up, the glossy layer to those e/c eyes sparkled from the sliver of sunset. "I know I can't make up for letting you all down … and no amount of apologies can redeem my blunder … but I can do this at least. I'll bring her back to the school, back to Kuroi-san. They deserve to be laid to rest together.”

You reluctantly pull away from Geto’s warmth; uncaring about the red stains smearing your clothes now, to take the wrapped up body as Gojo gently passes her into your arms, melancholy heavy on your face but the strength of resolve aiding you in carrying her. “My place is with you two. Always. Now more than ever.”

Geto’s eyes pricked with burning warmth; your willingness to stay despite everything, as he kissed your temple. “We should be apologizing to you.”

“There's still more of those facilities in the city left standing. We're not finished just yet.” Gojo's voice spoke doom for their upcoming targets, a stark contrast to his own kiss to your forehead being so sweet.

“They all need to go. Every single one of them.” Geto clenched his veiny hands, determined to see this through to the end. “We will return for you. If you wouldn't mind packing our things for us by the time we show up …”

You nodded, sadly smiling. "Don't keep me waiting too long.”

Their brisk nods to you paired with smooches to your cheeks were all you were given before you watched them holding hands then warping away.

The driver stayed silent as they drove your contemplative self, keeping her cold self close to your warmth, back to school for the last time.

°•○•°•○•°°•○•°•○•°°•○•°•○•°°•○•°•○•°°•○•

The sun had set.

Crimson painted the sky.

A young girl's life ended by a gunshot to the head.

Two young teens, forced to face the cruel reality of their lives through near death.

The Star Religious Group Headquarters.

House of the Children of the Star.

Their monotheistic religion spent worshiping their absolute God; Tengen.

Crossing the wrong sorcerers, nearly costing them their lives in the process at the hands of their hired assassin; the Zen'in clan failure.

Their facilities left as ruins scattered in ruble, collapsed craters layering the grounds, red painting the toppled stone and marble.

The trauma of near death, failing to keep their promises to protect their friends' lives, and losing to a physically gifted human … their pride as the strongest duo now tarnished.

Retribution.

Selfish desires made to fruition.

With Riko-chan now gone, the assimilation was now void.

Tengen-sama had evolved.

The barrier hiding the school's location was weakened and easily spotted by the Six Eyes.

You solo carried Riko to the morgue, spotting your senpai and fellow kouhai watching you from the distance, ignoring your driver hurriedly running to inform Yaga-sensei of the turn of events, but only making eye contact with Shoko as she was standing out front by the entrance, already expecting you, prepared for the worst.

You two stayed silent, understanding exactly just from seeing the acceptance in your gaze.

Seeing the covered bodies laying side by side on the tables, you prayed over the mother daughter pair, believing the guys would stop by to do the same, hopefully.

As you just finished zipping up one of three duffle bags meant for each of you in your room, you felt the ripples through the Force that is cursed energy.

The fuse was lit. The air pricked with sparks as those two set off a chain reaction.

You could visualize the facilities up in flames.

“You really are idiots.” Shoko leaned against the open doorway, smoke in her disapproving frown. “To think they'd go this far … and you're bailing with them.”

“My whole world ended when I lost my mom. My dad was a broke ass deadbeat. Then I was discovered, brought here and met you all. You became the family I needed … so I thought that was enough. But those two … they're my everything. We ride or die together. You can join us or stay here. That goes for you two as well, ya know.”

You felt Haibara and Nanami hiding behind the wall before joining Shoko in the sliding doorway. By the looks on their faces, the news spread like wildfire.

“If I go with you guys, then the higher ups will force my sister to take my place.” Haibara frowned at the guilty truth.

“Rules and regulations keep us in line, as much as they suck.” Nanami sulked.

“Those old cods view us all as disposable tools. We're not heroes. We have our own ideals, desires, lives even. And if it means I may die down the line because I choose to walk away, then I'd rather die with freedom than serve them as their obedient lapdog.” You spoke devotedly.

“I don't get it.” The blunt tone and her aversion to eye contact made you realize how left out Shoko still felt that her two crazy guy friends were willing to leave them – leave her – behind.

“It'd be nice to have you by our side Ieiri … but I know you still have Utahime to consider.” You grinned at seeing the tiny pink tinted rise to her cheeks.

“You're our classmates! To have you and our senpai be branded as curse users, I don't want to have to fight you guys!” Haibara's angry tears made your heart waver. Your own eyes burned with cursed energy.

The static film reel of seeing your guys getting savagely brutalized, Riko and Kuroi's murders, even further down the line … glimpsing Haibara scarred and pale and so damn still —

“You're still our friends. Always.”

Even with glistening chibi eyes and stubbornly pursed lips, Haibara realized you had made up your mind, reaching Nanami's hand to squeeze and be his anchor.

“It's not a crime to be a kid, but the accumulation of life's little despairs make you become an adult. Remember that.” Nanami understood that much, knowing the guys are capable of setting the world on fire when pushed too far. Like so.

Blinking back tears yourself, you nodded. “If you ever need us or change your mind, you know how to reach us.”

Throwing the duffle bags outta the window before jumping out yourself took them all by surprise. Jutting their heads out, they were relieved yet anxious spotting Geto's manta ray cursed spirit flying away, the bags and you safe across his lap and wrapped up in his arms.

His crestfallen gaze back at them was the last sight of him they received when they also spotted Gojo floating on high, gazing at them with melancholy, the living example of Nanami's parting words to you.

Knowing deep in your intuition they snuck into the morgue to pay their final respects to Riko and Kuroi before retrieving you, you kept quiet about it, trusting them wholly to catch you as well.

On that day, everything changed.

On that night, there was no turning back.

But to both yours and Geto's surprise, the boldness of Gojo as he landed right by you both on the manta ray and grasped Geto's shoulder, his suggestion for a hideaway took your breaths away.

The empty private home – one of quite many – belonging to his family's clan; this one gifted solely to him. Even as fugitives, making such a bold choice to hide there, Gojo sure is a wild child.

Wading in the waters of the giant tub to wash away the blood, flushing the pink tinted liquid down the drain, then filling up the tub once more made way for some scented oil that helped elevate the tranquil vibes.

“You're certain?” Geto scrubbed his shoulder length sudsy hair, brushing his wet locks.

“The clan has too many spots all over Japan. We crash here tonight, take what we can to sell for cash in case the geezers fry our bank accounts, then high tail someplace new. Like say, I don't know, overseas?” Gojo's lax assurance transformed him into a chibi in Geto's point of view; resting his head and arms back against the tub's rim.

Almond eyes darkened, catching the scar stretching from Gojo's lithe neck, across that toned chest, and stopping by his hip poking out of the bubbly water.

Exhaustion smeared with piqued intrigue and guilt in those blue eyes spotting the X shaped scar on Geto's sculpted chest.

Red tints colored their faces as pleased sighs left their lips at the warm water loosening up their stiff muscles, fingers weaving through each other's slick hair, bringing their faces closer, brown meeting blue as they stared longingly at each other.

The unique connection ergo magnetic attraction was evident. From clashing freshmen to still bickering but budding sophomores. And now, as fresh genocidal dropouts, they both looked like they aged a lot.

The contrasts, the similarities, their yin yang dynamic.

That and the fuzzy warmth was getting to them.

“I'm really glad you're alive.” Geto nuzzled his nose against Gojo's.

“RCT for the win.” That albino pecked the corner mouth of his raven.

Their tired giggles relieved the tension.

Brushing their bare dripping shoulders together, lips connected, initiating timid soft touches. Drool connected their heated tongues, their heated breath fanning one another's face, oh so close, wanting more.

Your hums of content grabbed their attention as you waded over to them, watching your round cheeks blowing soapy bubbles into their faces.

Running your hands down their scars made your lips tremble at the agony they went through. Entrapped in their arms, you hummed as their lithe hands caressed your supple smooth skin for they were touched by your gingerly layered kisses along their tender marked flesh.

Toru's yawning broke out, worrying you and Sugu who suggested you all start drying up. Toru was the most exhausted being actively awake using Six Eyes for 3 days straight.

But you all were, mentally and emotionally.

The electric dryer rumbled as your wet uniforms swirled within. The AC hummed in the backdrop.

Duffle bags left open as you three laid in the enormous bed, you three snuggled in close on the center.

Setting up a small simple altar in honor of Riko and Kuroi in the room gave you all some peace of mind, especially when burning some smoky incense to cleanse the place. To pray and hope that their souls were in a better place than the hell they're stuck on called Earth.

“I detest humanity. Swallowing cursed spirits made from the worst parts of their very existence for so long confirms that. Killing those cultists put my mind at ease … as horrible as that must be to you.” Suguru's weary gaze shifted to meet Satoru's now unsettlingly calm ones as they laid atop the bed beside each other, clad in just boxers, with you splayed across Satoru wearing just a large tee you all shared just cause.

“You've been feeling this way for a long time, then.” Suguru flushed as Satoru weaved his hand through those silky obsidian strands, free from the metaphorical shackles of his usual restrained bun. “I'm sorry I didn't realize it.”

Suguru's cheek nuzzled his wrist, breathing in Satoru’s cozy scent. “I never wanted you to. Or anyone for that matter. These are my own feelings to grapple with.”

Satoru's messy cat hair shook, tickling Suguru's face, closing his stinging eyes to let them rest for the moment as their foreheads touched. “Well, now, we'll carry that burden together.”

“We're branded as curse users now … we're on our own from here … and you're fine with that?” Sugu was skeptical for the most part.

“I never held hatred for anybody before … not even over Amanai's death … but I always knew my life would be spent as a living weapon for jujutsu society … a monster. And now that I've crossed the line … there's no coming back from that … but I'd do it all again …if it mended the pain you felt inside. I just … I don't want you suffering in silence anymore. I never want to leave you behind.” That soothing voice of his cracked.

Suguru was breathless seeing red in those reopened agonized eyes.

“Still … I took advantage of your heightened state and let my emotions cloud my judgment. I'm supposed to be the moral compass … yet I'm no better than those monkeys … and you nearly died because of them … I'm sorry Satoru … I'm so sorry.” Water hit Toru’s skin as the choked up weeping of his best friend smothered his shoulder.

“Hey, hey. I'm here, aren't I?” Keeping an arm wrapped around his partner, Satoru smooched the crown of Suguru's precious noggin, being tickled by those loose bangs in the face, shushing him and kissing that pierced ear of his. “And even you need to cut yourself some slack and lean on others too, ya know. And realize … you can't get rid of me that easily. You're stuck with this monster for a long time, Suguru~”

That possessive, enamored voice compelled Suguru to peak out and witness those lovesick eyes; the polar opposite to the tunnel vision of the reawakened Satoru Gojo that approached him with Riko-chan in his arms, struck right at his core.

The soft warm lamp on the side table paired with the sliver of moonlight between the curtains transformed their eyes into mini galaxies. Their own universe even to dwell in and share together.

“Hmm.” He brushed back Satoru's locks to spot the scar on his forehead and kiss that booboo. “You've never been a monster to me. Just a goofy idiot.”

Elated chuckles hit his giant lobed ears as his resident goofball pecked his blushing nose. “Your goofy idiot, smart ass.”

“Awwww~”

Flinching at that familiar voice, the guys directed their flushed gazes to you; your cheek mushed against Toru's pillow chest, fawning over them with your e/c eyes, round with sparkles and hearts set a glow in ‘em.

“I agree with all the above. Don't mind me. Just get it on with the yaoi goodness.”

“How subtle.” Suguru's eyes crinkled with mirth.

“She's got good taste, though.” Satoru's feline grin followed, rolling you both over to smush you in between them, pecking your forehead. “Period.”

You frowned. “All the apologies in the world can't make up for me letting you two down today.”

“Nonsense.” Suguru disagreed as the back of your head cushioned in between his plush pecs. “Having you here with us makes this shitty day much better.”

“We all screwed up.” Gojo griped before it became a longer deeper yawn.

Your eyes glowed a moment before dying down, alerting them and reminding you. “Time for you to sleep. Cause we got a lot of shit to think over on how to move forward. For all of us.” His exasperated sigh was met by your chaste lips as you leaned up to kiss him; him returning it to suck them up.

“Yes ma'am.” His pouting turned to a dopey grin; growing wider when Suguru kissed him goodnight too. That finally conked him out, breathing softly, when Suguru's hand wrapped around your side, turning you to lay on your back so he could see you properly; eyes clad in guilt of his own.

“Y/n, in no way should you feel responsible for what happened. That assassin would have killed you too if you had gotten involved. If we lost you as well …” His forehead met yours, letting you kiss him slowly, pulling him in to relish your personal taste. “My hope is that they're in a better place now.”

“Me too … My visions are just as much an omen as they are an aid. In this world there are no guarantees for a peaceful living … but I believe in you two … no matter what … and I know in my heart this is worth it, risks and all.”

Your honest smile made him grateful for accepting him, despite all that's happened, his tears hitting your face in response so you kissed his tears away.

“Thank you, Y/n.” His whispers met your lips as you two got caught up in another kiss when you two grunted in surprise as Satoru flipped you both over, smothering you two under his precious heat.

“‘M love you both, mmh so much.” He mewled, sleepy eyes peeking open to drowsily smile down at you two.

“Satoru, we can't breathe.” A red faced Suguru wheezed out.

Satoru languidly laughed, “My bad.”

Thankfully, you three were able to get some shuteye that night.

They're your whole world now.

Deep down inside, they know they're both monsters, for that day brought the truth to light of their dark potential.

But they're your monsters.

Your empathetic, devious, passionate monsters.

And as far as the truth goes, you too are just the same.

Three of a kind, indeed.

[queenvhagar]

Man, I loved Alicole in S1. The courtly love aspect really drew me in and the potential of both characters, individually and separately, made me excited for S2...only for it to fall apart completely. I wasn't expecting it to be The Princess Bride or anything, but damn. It felt like ridicule and even with Criston's speech to Gwayne in the "finale", I can't even muster enjoyment because it's so hollow after what we got in S2. I know it's supposed to be a tragedy but their characters have been written so weirdly that I cringe every time I see a picture or gif of them together.

At university I studied courtly love (l'amour courtois) as it existed in medieval French literature. Because in medieval times marriage, especially among nobility, was a political and economic affair, love was viewed oftentimes separate from marriage. One manifestation of this is courtly love, described as an experience between erotic desire and spiritual attainment, "a love at once illicit and morally elevating, passionate and disciplined, humiliating and exalting, human and transcendent" (from The Meaning of Courtly Love).

Some suggest core tenets to courtly love: that the love is illegitimate, furtive, adulterous in nature; that the male lover holds an inferior position to the woman, who is often elevated in station; that the man completes quests, trials, challenges in his lady's name; that there are rules and subtleties to it, similar to chivalry or courtesy (from Études sur les romans de la Table Ronde). Devotion, piety, and gallantry were valued characteristics.

Many stories portray this love, like Tristan and Isolde and the tales of Lancelot and Guinevere, as well as songs, such as dawn songs, or albas / aubades, poems that spoke of lovers parting in the morning before rivals or spouses discovered them. One such song is Reis Glorios by the "master of troubadours" Giraut de Bornelh:

The potential for exploring courtly love in relation to the pairing of Alicent Hightower and the knight Ser Criston Cole is vast and could have been a fascinating expansion of the relationship between the two as it existed in Fire and Blood. Whether it resulted in a physically consummation of the love or existed as a romantic and spiritual devotion between a noble lady and her knight, there was so much that could have been explored: how does each view the other as the personification of chivalrous ideals of honor, duty, loyalty, piety? How do the rules of courtly love and its secret, private nature influence the interaction between these two? How does their courtly love influence their motivations and the actions they take in their journey? And, if physical, how might each view this in the context of their vows, responsibilities, and their ideals?

The least likely scenario of all of this, when it comes to this pairing, is a situation in which a decades-long mutual admiration somehow evolves / devolves into meaningless physical consummation of the relationship, especially considering not only the illicit nature of such an affair but also the ideals that both characters hold in relation to duty, honor, chivalry, and their own relationship to sex.

Yet once again this is the writers interpreting the story through a solely modern lens. With this tale, they focus on a solely physical experience in the context of Alicent finally "getting off" after being in a loveless marriage all her life, and its purpose is 1) to position her in contrast to the mourning of the main character ie "look how selfish and evil Alicent is, having sex with Rhaenyra's ex while Rhaenyra looks for her dead son" 2) portray her as hypocritical and paint the conflict between the two women as somehow solely the result of jealousy for sexual freedom / hypocrisy at hating sexually free women while wanting it / achieving it oneself (despite this clearly not being the crux of the issues between these two women) 3) set her up to be responsible for the death of her own grandson and lighten / distract the moment of Blood and Cheese with the purpose to mitigate the blame put upon the actual perpetrators by having them have sex during the sequence, pointing the blame at her and Cole for not preventing the act set in motion by the actual perpetrators, removing her role in the actual event as it was written in the source material.

By taking this stance of a solely physical, using each other for sex, modern lens of the relationship between the lady and her knight, it misses out on a more accurate exploration of what love and sex really looked like in a medieval setting. The story truly suffers for it, as do these characters. Instead of an exploration of feelings, motivations, or the development of this relationship across decades, it is reduced to a one dimensional plot device created solely to make the characters look worse in relation to others.

Unfortunately this pairing is not the only part of the show to suffer from this pattern. The result is the world and characters feel incomplete and hollow, divorced from the setting, the logic of the universe, and the humanity of these characters. Nowhere is the "human heart in conflict with itself" that GRRM explores with his characters and stories. And really, courtly love would have been a phenomenal way to build upon the themes GRRM loves to incorporate into his stories.

[kiyomitakada]

(the page took like 5 minutes to load the ask box, which feels like a sign) ......................................................................................... matsuda for the ask game?

matsuda………………… matsuda. one of the guys of all time for sure.

favorite thing about them:

in the manga: the scene where soichiro and light are both panicking because mello is demanding L's real name and matsuda reaches past light and types touta matsuda. this is my favorite matsuda scene in general it's so good he's impulsive and self-sacrificial and he would die for those yagamis

in the anime: the scene where he calls L during yotsuba and tells him the statistic about misa-misa's rising popularity in eighteen. (in the manga he actually gets the call from misa's manager about it, in the anime he makes it up himself which is SO much cooler. he really wanted them to stop fighting!!!)

least favorite thing about them: this isn't really a least favorite thing but i hate-love how he has a great relationship with misa and still cheers on light cheating on her. it's so fascinating. i don't really think matsuda sees either her or light as real beyond the performance to be honest, i think he feels like he's watching a cool soap opera and is completely failing to consider any of the Moral Quandaries.

favorite line: "what was it all for?"

brOTP: him and ide riff off each other so well. i love that matsuda immediately picks up on ide's insecurity about romance and then proceeds to drag the joke into the ground by bringing it up even when it's not relevant.

OTP: matsuliiiiight <3 everyone read metempsychosis right now if you haven't. i love that all the women matsuda apparently has crushes on are the women orbiting light yagami (sayu, misa, kiyomi) and that he also sees them kind of as stage props in the greater Light Yagami Show.

i also love that light kind of took his loyalty for granted and looks genuinely betrayed in the warehouse. the Turtleneck Scene where matsuda talks about how he kinda-sorta supports kira is everything to me in this regard since it is like the only time arc 2 light is ever honest even to himself. on some level light thinks matsuda is the only one who Gets It even though he doesn't even really like matsuda all that much, because matsuda is the only character in the entire show who has No facade, who can't help but be open about everything he thinks, and maybe some part of light envies him for it.

nOTP: uh… unironic uncomplicated matsu/misa but i don't think anyone really writes that… OH. law/tsuda. i really want to be convinced of this i just haven't seen anything that personally appeals to me yet

random headcanon: he and misa bond over substance abuse post-canon

unpopular opinion: he is a kira supporter i don't know why no one talks about this. he is not subtle about it. he asks "are we sure catching kira is the right thing to do?" every five minutes. i've seen people argue that he was trying to empathize with kira and both-sides it but honestly it reads way more like he already agrees with kira's ideals and just disagrees with how to go about them

chapter three! it's his defining character trait! he gets it before he gets a recognizable hairstyle!!!!

and then chapter 75, right after the explosion. im writing all the dialogue out because i love this conversation SO much

matsuda: do you really think kira is evil? [...] to tell you the truth, i just can't make myself believe that kira is completely evil.

mogi: do you think that kira is righteous, then?

matsuda: i don't know if kira is good or evil. and i'm serious when i say i'd give my life to capture kira… but i also think that kira is fighting against evil. [...] to the weak and earnest, the world is definitely becoming a better place to live…

aizawa: that's not true. the world might be more peaceful, but that's because people are afraid. a peace based upon murder and fear is not a real peace.

matsuda: i know. i do know that. i know that kira is a mass murderer.

i just. god. i don't know why people erase this when it's literally what makes matsuda matsuda.

look at everything he says that's anti-kira. it's all things like "kira's a psychopath" "kira's a mass murderer" "i'm a cop so it's my job to catch him." there's nothing about his ideals that's wrong to matsuda, no actual criticism of his regime beyond buzzwords. honestly i think matsuda could even excuse the killing if not for the fact that he's a cop and it's his job to catch criminals. it's his duty. he's papering over all his doubt with Well I'm A Cop So I Guess I Gotta.

the reason he shoots light in the warehouse isn't because of all the criminals dead at light's feet. the reason he shoots light is because of soichiro. because light lied to him. it's a personal betrayal. he doesn't actually care about any of light's victims beyond the people he knows. remember: everyone else is a prop in the Yagami Show, which he was told was a family sitcom and has just been revealed to be a psychological horror.

anyway sorry this makes it sound like i dislike matsuda I REALLY DON'T his moral grayness is what i love about him!!!! where else do you get "i have signed my soul to the police force (fascism) but i can't help but be tempted by the vigilantes (also fascism)" he's so awful. he's everything to me

song i associate with them: ha ha ha ha ha

Sometimes you scrape and sink so low I'm shocked at what you're capable of And if this is the coronation, I ain't feeling the love 'Cause we are all a bunch of animals that never paid attention in school So, tell me all about your problems, I was killing before killing was cool You're so cool, you're so cool, so cool

favorite picture of them:

[oddfuchsia]

re: my last post about jaime and alicent being parallels, i got an anon claiming they couldn't be similar because jaime as a man is privileged in ways alicent isn't since westeros is a patriarchy. this fact is correct! however! characters can have shared experiences, internal conflicts and dare i say, even themes, despite the fact that they are in different situations. let me explain why jaime and (show)alicent are similar characters.

rape/sa mentions below the cut

(1) okay so fundamentally jaime's thing is that he views himself as being sworn to so many conflicting ideals that he will never be able to uphold all of them. he is essentially in debt to so many people that anything he does will make him an oathbreaker. i think alicent views herself in a kind of similar way, only its through loyalty rather than oaths. hence that "i have endeavoured to serve both my house and my country etc" line because alicent basically FEELS like she has sworn conflicting oaths to everyone and everything around her - her father, her children, viserys, rhaenyra, the gods, the ideals of house targaryen, the abstract concept of what it means to be a "good woman" in society, and the list goes on, they don't call her Alicent "Where is Duty Where is Sacrifice" Hightower for nothing! both alicent and jaime see themselves trapped in moral paralysis because they are so concerned with what they are or should be loyal to, and as a result they are both constantly being eaten alive by guilt and self-loathing.

(2) both became deeply entrenched with the royal family at young ages whilst simultaneously living under their extremely ambitious hand of the king fathers. both fathers basically do not care who their children turn out to be and are only concerned with them as far as they can aid in his own ambitions. in jaime's case this was lessened by the fact that it was essentially divided between him and cersei, but tywin aggressively only gives a fuck about jaime as being the heir to casterly rock (hence his underlying insistence that jaime will do this despite the fact that he has sworn an eternal oath preventing it) - jaime does everything else to become tywin's lion-of-lannister golden boy but he will still never truly have tywin's love or affection or approval because tywin is incapable of that. otto basically pimped out his teenage daughter to viserys, and then after she spent 20+ years doing whatever he wanted he STILL doesn't respect about her, firstly because shes a woman, and secondly because he doesn't view her as a person, he views her as a political tool. and both of them are intensely loyal to said fathers and compulsively seek the approval which they know (on some level) is never coming.

(3) both of them have extremely complicated relationships with parenthood - alicent because her children are all products of her sexually abusive marriage, because she essentially grew up alongside them, and because they too are viewed as political tools more so than as people. as a result she's pretty emotionally cut off from them (struggling to connect with helaena, the unhealthy dynamic with aemond etc) meanwhile jaime can't ever openly acknowledge his children or act like a father to them and sees them as an extension of his relationship with cersei. alicent's feelings about aegon (and to a lesser extent aemond) are this weird dynamic where she loves him a lot and wants to protect him but is also aware that he's an abusive monster. in asos there's a jaime chapter after joffrey dies where he has this moment of awareness that joffrey is his firstborn son, and he kind of wonders if he should feel anything, but he can't bring himself to, basically because joffrey is also an abusive monster. he kind of awkwardly tried to bond with tommen at one point and seems vaguely fond of myrcella but can't really get himself to properly contemplate his feelings towards them either. for both of them parenthood is so wrapped up in all these other layers of pain and guilt that they struggle to have healthy, loving relationships with any of their kids.

(4) they both use copes - alicent with religion and jaime with dissociation - to essentially avoid engaging with their inner conflicts. jaime started dissociating to avoid having to deal with any of the injustices he saw around him i.e. listening to aerys raping rhaella and deciding he could absolve himself of his bystander guilt by "going away inside". meanwhile alicent uses religion as an outlet for her rage because when she throws herself fully into religion and convinces herself that she hates things because they're sacrilegious she doesn't have to confront her own trauma and anger. like a big part of why she hates rhaenyra's children is because they're physical manifestations of the freedoms rhaenyra has which alicent doesn't, but she's not emotionally equipped to deal with that, so the only option is to really really REALLY convinces herself that they're abominations cursed by the gods and thus she is justified in how she feels.

(5) okay here's where you have to hear me out. i think, narratively, jaime sees cersei's role towards him in a similar way to how alicent views criston. cersei and jaime's relationship is obviously built on the recurring themes of lannister exceptionalism and pseudo-incest within their house, but i also think jaime holds on to cersei as this symbol of pre-kingslayer him. she is his other half so when he knows that he's failed and become a terrible person, he can just hardcore project all his hopes of what he could have been onto her and see her as this paragon of beauty and love and nobility. and because of this he spends a lot of the series wilfully blind to the fact that their codependent relationship has turned them both into extremely violent and unstable people. to a certain extent alicent also projects a lot of her own childhood idealism onto both criston and rhaenyra - rhaenyra is literally her childhood girlfriend companion and i think because she's so emotionally stunted she's still obsessed with their relationship as like, the simplicity and tenderness of childhood before her marriage. hence why she seems so in denial about the fact that the war is about more than just their their relationship - but more so i think her relationship with criston is similar to that of jaime and cersei. (up until recently lol) i think she also saw criston as this white knight tragic courtly love figure because theyre BOTH still obsessed with the ideals of chivalry and knighthood and can reflect it back onto one another, whilst at the same time continuing to practice their own hypocrisy. she is basically (in a very jaime fashion) sticking her fingers in her ears to the fact that criston is deeply unstable and and punches people to death when he gets angry. both cersei and jaime's relationship and alicent and criston's relationship are essentially echo chambers that make them both worse while allowing them to view themselves and each other as idealised figures of the white knight and the noblewoman.

[steddieunderdogfics]

This week’s writer spotlight feature is:  @pinkie-quinns! pinkiequinn has 9 fics in the Stranger Things fandom posted to AO3 and all of them are in the Steddie tag.

@dame-zoom-a-lot recommends the following works by @pinkie-quinns:

Snips and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails

freehill

Sleep Therapy

Eddie Munson is a Piece of Shit

I Bear a Charmed Life

"Their fics have such a solid… feel and color to them if that makes sense, and they're all so distinctly good. I've read several of their fics and they're all very different from each other while still being incredible. I love their sense of humor. Sometimes it'll come through in the situation, sometimes in the dialogue, but it's always there and when I least expect it" -- @dame-zoom-a-lot

Below the cut, pinkiequinn answered some questions about their writing process and some of their recommended work!

Why do you write Steddie?

I read Steddie for two years before I ever tried to write anything!! Honestly it got to a point where I kept trying to find these hyperspecific fics that matched exactly what I wanted and I just kept coming up a little short. So eventually I was like… okay… No one’s doing rockstar Eddie who’s an addict but also did go through the canon events of the show and also is coming home for the holidays and also is a celebrity that’s deeply imbued in 90s culture. Time to pick up the pen.  In terms of Steddie itself this is gonna sound strange but there’s an atmosphere and a texture to them that really compels me. Stranger Things in general has that. I’ve just always been really intrigued by small town Americana and I think they’re both characters who are really really shaped by their town, whether that’s through its love or rejection of them. And they’re foiled in such a perfect way where you get the sense they could really learn a lot from each other and both grow through the other. They’re just, endlessly compelling to read and to write!

What’s your favorite trope to READ?

Honestly, like, it’s a little boring but a historically informed slice of life friends to lovers fic with a healthy dose of angst does something to my brain… Especially if they’re in their 20s and it’s the 90s and they’re in Chicago or some other big city. It’s like crack to me. I also adore a real pining secret relationship! I think those can be so so so beautiful. 

What’s your favorite trope to WRITE?

Dark Eddie… I don’t know if it's my favourite but it’s definitely the one that comes up the most. I’m just very naturally drawn to the darker bits of his character. I think 7/9 of my fics have Eddie doing Morally Questionable things. It goes in varying degrees of like… jerking off to a dubiously consensual incident with his crush to um… leading a cult that’s surrounded by a lot of “mysterious” deaths… to literally being Satan.

What’s your favorite Steddie fic?

There’s so many! Brutalist Masterpieces by Great Unironic is one I come back to a lot. The space in that fic and the atmosphere are just so gorgeous to me. And wow… the weight of time in it. Better By You, Better Than Me by palmviolet i think is our all the young dudes just the depth and texture of that world astounds me. How in its time it is, the music in it!! That version of Eddie also informs how I think about that character nearly as much as canon Eddie. Some more recent fics I loved are almost nothing, almost everything by Loudsnapdragon and Heaven cannot wait forever by rabidheart. Almost Nothing is genuinely like my platonic ideal of steddie fic. It’s hot, its world is sooo detailed (could write an essay about Steve’s ED in that fic) it's set in the city!! Eddie in it is SO cool! The characterizations! The dialogue. It’s a perfect read. And then Heaven Can’t Wait Forever does this really amazing thing where it takes a relationship that is like… a smut trope relationship and then just digs in and past that. Just really stellar, engaging writing and so hot! Honestly they are both fics I feel really perfectly build to their (literal) climax- it’s so tough to do! And they make it look seamless.

I’d also be remiss if I didn’t mention I’d Even Sell the Bimmer by dirtyvalentine which is like, the fic of all time to me.

Is there a trope you’re excited to explore in a future work but haven’t yet?

I’d love to do a proper slice of life, like, steddie in the city fic… I may have something in the works in the long run but I have two big wips (freehill and the desperado series) to finish before then.

What is your writing process like?

It really depends!! I’m generally a very very slow writer and right now I’m in a dry period so I’m having trouble even stringing together a hundred words. When my brain is functioning better it involves a lot of research and world building in the initial ideas generation stage. Depending on the size of the fic, I make playlists of music the characters might be listening to, watch movies that evoke the vibe of the story, & bury myself in wikipedia articles. It’s my favourite part. I have pretty bad adhd so I find I work best when I’m really locked into the world of the story. I also walk like 35 minutes to and from work everyday and I find that a really good time to ideate about the story and come up with bits of dialogue. I never write in order so I have a pretty difficult time piecing together the scenes I’ve written and making them fit with each other. Chapter 4 of Freehill is sat at about 8k words foreverrrr and I had to rearrange the order of the scenes about 9 times until it finally clicked together. It’s all a bit of a mess.

Do you have any writing quirks?

I’m, like, a criminal repetition over-user. I don’t know why this is the case… Maybe I am a circular thinker so it translates into my writing, maybe I just like the patterns! Who knows! I definitely find repetition and repetitive phrases very beautiful and I think capable of evoking some emotional response beyond the actual words of the text, which is to say, I think it does something to my brain. If you read anything of mine there will be at least five bits of egregious repetition per chapter. 

Do you prefer posting when you’ve finished writing or on a schedule?

Prefer is a strong word here… I post when I finish a chapter… and unfortunately that means I both don’t post when wips are completed nor do I stick to a schedule… I think years down the line when I am a more seasoned fanfic writer I will wait until the whole thing is done to post… until then… here we are.

Which fic are you most proud of?

Born Under a Bad Sign, hands down (and the rest of the Desperado series sitting in my wip folder). That fic is my baby, it’s what got me to start writing seriously again after years and years of aborted attempts in random gift journals.  I also just… have so much love for it and what it’s trying to do. Imperfectly for sure, but thematically I’m still really compelled by the ideas it's grappling with. I feel like I was always really searching for fics that dealt with the lived consequences of having been so close to death and there’s lots of great ones but I really wanted to explore how healing from that isn’t always a linear process. How things tend to get worse (a lot worse) before they get better, and how that kind of core trauma can totally shape you and the people around you. It’s just.. Endlessly fascinating to explore.  I also am quite proud of freehill so far (it’s soooo fun to do the foreshadowing in that one) and I do also love You Could Call Me Nancy. I think that one is probably the tightest writing I've done. 

How did you get the idea for freehill?

It was another one of those cases where I was constantly craving Cult Leader Eddie and there is just… almost no cult fics? Which is crazy to me bc not only is he such a wildly charismatic character but he’s also accused of being a cult leader in the text of the show! I was a bit reluctant to take it on at first because I’m not really someone that is super into cults or true crime. I’ve definitely done a lot less research on the cult aspects of Freehill because I just don’t always love the framing of that kind of media. A lot of it is just me going on vibes and prior knowledge (and the You Must Remember This podcast series on the Manson family that imprinted in my brain when I was 17). Freehill is definitely made up of tidbits I’ve learned about over the years. The Manson Family, Jonestown, with a bit of NXIVM and the Sarah Lawrence cult thrown in for good measure. This said, despite my reluctance the plot just kept revealing itself to me the more I ideated on it. I remember taking a shower (the best place to brainstorm) in the summer when I first was coming up with the bones of the story and realizing exactly where I wanted it to end up. I’ve had the last scene of the entire fic fully drafted for seven months now. It just totally transformed from a story I would’ve preferred someone else tell into a story I absolutely had to tell myself.

When writing freehill, what was something you didn’t expect?

It was supposed to be like… 15, maybe 20k… And then all the sudden it had twists and turns and lore and there was just no way… I realized pretty early on that it really needed the space to lure you. As I’ve been writing it, especially the first few chapters, I had that line of Louis’s from IWTV just on repeat in my head “Let the tale seduce you, as I was seduced.” I wanted the reader to be just as compelled towards Freehill and Eddie (and disarmed by them) as Steve was, which meant establishing a lot of space and a lot of time.

What inspired Snips and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails?

Honestly? I woke up one morning possessed and was like… what’s the most pornographic thing I can write? And the answer was demon sex lmao. That immediately evolved into a Rosemary’s baby au bc I had just rewatched it a few months before with my friends and was shocked no one had done an au of it in Steddie fic!

What was your favorite part to write from Sleep Therapy?

Something about successfully incorporating the plot of Deep Throat into that fic always makes me laugh. It’s such a silly fic. The recorder line in the second chapter also really makes me laugh.

How do/did you feel writing Eddie Munson is a Piece of Shit?

Ah such a fun one! I had just finished Charmed Life and was kinda scarce on ideas but knew I wanted to write another light one shot. I’d gotten a lot of comments on Returning the Favor asking for a follow up so! A follow up. Charmed Life had been a bit of an exercise in finding Steve’s voice, which I find a lot harder to write. Eddie Munson is a Piece of Shit was me returning to my creature comforts and going totally ham on Eddie’s voice. I’d really missed his um… dramatics (Poor Eddie Jr </3)

What was the most difficult part of writing I Bear a Charmed Life?

I started writing that fic when I had covid this summer and most of it came together really quick!! But the sex scene…. the sex scene haunted me so bad I almost scrapped the whole thing. I think every sex scene I’d written until then had either been totally obscene (everything in Snips & Snails and Sleep Therapy) or a bit subversive (Born Under a Bad Sign’s failed sex scene comes to mind) so honestly just figuring how to write a scene between two consenting, equal parties and still make it hot and fun was oof… very challenging for me. I ended up reading a ton of smut just to wrap my head around it.

Do you have a favorite scene and/or line from any of your fics?

There’s a scene at the beginning of chapter 3 Born Under a Bad Sign where Steve is treating Eddie’s injuries (after getting beat up) in a gas station bathroom and he’s giving Eddie all this casual affection that’s Eddie’s been craving from him for months and I just.. really really love that scene I find it really tender. My favourite line is from the same fic! But at the end of the last chapter: “Indiana was a specter, the entire state. It was always going to haunt him. He strewn like raw meat over the whole of it.” I just like “strewn like raw meat.” The letters sound nice together.

Do you have any upcoming projects or fics you’d like to share/promote?

Forever wip-ing on Freehill on the Desperado series! I’m very Freehill-focused right now and it’s just been so fun working on that story and sharing it (especially seeing people’s theories oh my gosh!) so I’d definitely recommend it if you're wip-tolerant.

Outside of these questions, Is there anything YOU would like to add?

I want to say I’ve always loved your guys’ blog and I love how much you guys foster and nurture the community. It’s amazing! I’ve followed this blog since the start and these writer’s spotlights especially have been such a massive inspiration to me! Literally one of the reasons I started writing again was reading about other writers' processes. It really helped to make it feel like fic writing was something I could do and not just this mystical, unreachable thing. I get so much joy out of writing and finally having access to my creativity and also being part of a community that makes sharing my work so exciting! All this say this is a very full circle moment for me so thank you guys so much for existing!

Thank you to our author, @pinkie-quinns, and our nominator, @dame-zoom-a-lot! See more of pinkiequinn's works featured on our page throughout the day!

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