#but really i don't actually need to research - i can just steal existing things

[malinowaj]

have i spent the past 3-ish months telling my friend i haven't written anything in 10 years and won't start now? yes.

have i spent the past 2 days writing a rough plot draft for an au where wilhelm is a footballer and simon is a popstar, spanning the whole season, creating an entire fictional football league complete with clubs? maybe also yes.

am i going to write this? i guess all signs also point to yes.

[hamsternella]

PLEEEEASE a nsfw alphabet for Stanford??🥺

SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG

Stanford Pines NSFW Alphabet

A= Aftercare (what they're like after sex)

Despite the tiredness and embarrassment once the heat of the moment wears off, Ford goes to great lengths to wrap you in his arms and hold you tight against his chest, where you can hear his heartbeat. He likes to let you know how well you did, and how much he loves you. Caresses and kisses, as well as laughter and sweet whispers until falling asleep are never lacking.

B= Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Ford would always say his brain. He is a cool, methodical person who almost always finds a way to achieve great results. Thinking and ingenuity are like breathing to him. But of course in this case that's not the answer; considering that the last thing he can use is his brain when he has you in front of him. It is as if only his heart exists, beating wildly at the sight of the most beautiful and inexplicable thing he has been able to witness in his entire existence: you.

That being the case, he can't find any other part of himself that he likes enough. Maybe his hands, because he knows how much you love it when he touches you. And if it's you, it would be everything—Ford is unable to pick just one part of your body. If he had to, maybe it would be your waist; because he loves to grab you with both hands from that spot to keep you still, under or on top of him, and at whatever pace he can best get those sweet sounds out of you that fascinate him so much.

C= Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He cums a lot and hard. Preferably inside you or on your face; sometimes pushing a little with his fingers to fill your mouth with his cum. He loves it when you clean his hand with your tongue.

D= Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Ford would never tell you—there's a reason it's a secret. But do you still remember those times when you couldn't find your underwear, and suspiciously it was during the weekdays when Ford took care of the laundry, and oddly enough he took all the time in the world to iron and put the laundry away...? Yeah, well. I think you know what I mean. Don't mention to him how obvious it is that he's been stealing your underwear to masturbate with it. Don't tell him, really.

Also don't mention that you've actually felt him cling to you when you sleep; looking for more than just warmth at night. Don't tell him that you clearly feel him down there—hard and warm.

Or do. Who knows what might happen.

E= Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Technically no experience at all. Of course he had gotten to kiss other women, maybe a little touch with one or two, but that was many, many years ago; by now he hardly remembers anything at all. Besides he was very young; he used to think differently and be busier with his research. Now that the world is at peace and he can enjoy the calm and family life, it is more than obvious that the only thing he has to defend himself at the beginning of the relationship is all theoretical. It's not a terrible thing, of course. Ford is willing to experiment and learn with you.

F= Favorite position

There are still many positions to try and discover, but the most used —for comfort and practicality— are three par excellence.

Doggy, because nothing is nicer than being able to see you under him, with your ass and waist at his disposal to play to his heart's content.

Cowgirl/Cowboy, because even though he loves making love to you, Ford has to accept that at his age it's hard to stay steady all the time. Sometimes he needs a little help from you to avoid looking pathetic for getting tired after so much action—even if you tell him there's nothing pathetic about it. Besides, don't you look lovely on top of him, with your body shaking and your eyes glazed over? Best view of all.

Spooning, because Ford goes crazy holding you from behind, pushing his hips against your ass; with one of his hands working over your body and his lips on your neck, waking you up from a long night of deep sleep. This man is desperate to touch you.

G= Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Ford is quite serious during the moment, but this is because he is a very shy person about approaching you to begin with. Even if it comes to playing along with you he is the first and last to get embarrassed. An occasional nervous laugh; sometimes little choked sentences if he notices you looking at him too much, and that makes him lose his concentration. But in general he is someone very focused, who seeks not to lose the thread of the moment. His biggest fear is disappointing you.

H= Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

A lot of things happened and he hasn't had the time, nor the desire, to get down to work there. That being the case, I'd say hairy; but at least he's started to take the time to trim it down a bit and make it halfway nice for you. If it's something that would bother you, Ford is willing to trim it further—even all of it.

But yeah. Super hairy.

I= Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Ford takes care to be careful with everything he does or says, always seeking to satisfy the needs of your body and mind; every fantasy you have closely tied to everything he does to make you feel fulfilled. He is a dedicated man, with nimble hands and a sensitive heart. Sweet and witty words are never lacking, always driving you crazy in his arms and against his lips. Sensuality is never in short supply.

J= Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He's been starting to do it more often since he's been with you. Not a lot, because he prefers to do it with you; but once in a while never hurts if he can't get you out of his head. He needs at least something of yours to make him cum—your underwear or the warmth of your body. He needs you.

He cums fast and hard, with the piece of clothing against his face, inhaling intensely; or with a free hand on your body, against your skin.

K= Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Definitely role-playing and cockwarming.

L= Location (favorite places to do the do)

Private places, if possible. Ford doesn't want to risk the possibility of being seen by someone else. He loves to have you in the bedroom, or even in his study room. Any place where no one and nothing will interrupt you.

M= Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

To see you in his clothes, to hear your voice, to come on to him... to suddenly appear dressed for some sensual and perverse role-playing... My goodness, how you drive him crazy.

Ford is a simple guy: he sees his partner existing and making eyes at him, and suddenly he feels his body warm and ready to go.

N= No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Threesomes, because he can't accept the idea of seeing you with someone else, let alone seeing himself with someone other than you. Ford is also unwilling to degrade you or physically harm you; just as he does not find it attractive to allow the same to be done to him.

O= Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Ford loves to receive oral, but he prefers to give it. He loves to put his mouth down there, tasting you and pulling out sounds that haunt him in his best dreams. You are a delight. Even if he's inexperienced, he's so desperate to have you in his mouth that the guy learns in no time to meet your expectations. There's no way not to lose your mind when Ford is taking care of everything between your legs; with his hands holding you by the flesh of your thighs, with his fingers caressing your skin.

Imagine his face if you proposed sitting on it. Imagine that, I insist. It's the best.

P= Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Slow and sensual; deep and hard. Getting all the way in, Ford always gives a little push to press himself against you, hiding his face in the space of your neck. He will talk to you through this—be prepared for a couple of whimpers and muffled moans.

Q= Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He doesn't like them at all. He prefers to take his time with you. Although if you are very needy, then maybe he can find a way.

R= Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Ford loves to experiment! And with that always comes risk. But when it comes to sex, this all takes a different turn; and while he's willing to try new things and experiment with you, he'll always be against anything that might hurt you or make you both uncomfortable.

S= Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

The years and the various experiences out in the open have weathered Ford, and have made him a man with a lot of physical capacity to endure long hours without sleep and with a lot of work. Research work, of course; the physical stuff has always been for fighting or survival.

With this in mind, Ford is able to handle quite a bit of foreplay and sex itself, but he tires quickly after a second round—if the first one wasn't strong enough. Even if he feels he can't go on, he has no problem helping you by using his hands or mouth; as well as any other part of his body that comes in handy. Hopefully and maybe there will be another round if you manage to turn him on one more time.

T= Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Ford doesn't need toys. He only needs you. Now, if in a hypothetical case you would like to use one, he has no problem even designing his own to use with you. At first you tell him no, because it's easier to buy them; but after seeing some plans and listening to him talk so excitedly, seeing that he even starts to consider the idea of implementing other things when it comes to sex, you come to the conclusion that maybe it's not so bad.

Ford opts to use toys on you, not him. They don't get his attention that way.

U= Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Not so much, really. He thinks it's cute to see you being so desperate for him. But at the end of the day it's something that makes him desperate too. Ford couldn't stand to play with you like this for long; he needs to accede to your needs in order to satisfy his own.

V= Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Whimpers A LOT, and likes to moan loudly—but tries to drown them out, fearful that someone might hear them.

If the two of you are in a place where you can be sure not to be overheard, Ford sets out to talk to you during the act.

W= Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He's unexpected and always manages to sweep you off your feet, but Ford is capable of the hottest dirty talk you can imagine. When you least expect it you have him with his lips on your ear, his hot breath on your skin, and his husky, deep voice of desire spitting out dirty, kinky phrases that keep you with your hands pushing against his chest; his fingers pressing against the skin of your neck, surprising you with how much this man can separate himself from the real world and let you drown in his darkest fantasies.

Ford prefers not to talk about it after everything calms down. It will take some time.

X= X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Not as long, but definitely fat. The tip is quite sensitive. Slightly curved downward.

Y= Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Since he discovered how fascinating your touch is, quite high. Although it's more what he desires than what he can get to do. If he gets careless, he comes quickly. It's fun to play on his desperation and make him wait; that might help him endure his neediness with you a little longer.

Z= Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Pretty fast; but he strives to see that you're okay after all, and that you're resting with him. His priority is you, after all.

[crocswithoutsocks]

What do cogs eat in Toontown: Corporate Clash?

I'm doing research for a fic and have been scrounging the wiki for this information so I thought I'd compile my findings as a nice organised tumblr post in case anyone else needs access to this very specific part of the lore. There's actually a lot more than I thought there would be! If I've missed anything, feel free to add! The definitive list will be way at the bottom of the post if you just want the cold hard facts.

Section A - Foodstuffs that have a lot of evidence pointing towards their consumption by cogs.

Oil - Massive evidence for this in both Derrick Man and the CEO battle. Heals suits in Derrek Man, and seems to be their preferred food given its literally the only thing being served at the banquet? Maybe more of a beverage than a food? Still makes the list either way. Different varieties of oil are also mentioned, including carbonated/seltzer oil (from the Director's Cuts ARG andHigh Roller's trivia questions) and crude oil (discussed further below).

Cogfee (Coffee) - Cogfee is mentioned all the time. There's promotional art of Chip promoting cogfee, and his secretary also requests a new cogfee machine in the April Toons ARG. Cathal and Brian have also both delivered/refused to deliver cogfee to Allan, respectively. The Toxic Manager also gives the Insider a cup of Cogfee in the Director's cuts ARG, and there's probably even more examples of cogs drinking cogfee that I haven't included here. It's also worth a mention that Jennifer's favourite drink is a soyl mechiatto, which I would have assumed to be the cog equivalent of a machiatto with soya milk, but the fact that High Roller's trivia question on the subject makes a distinction between soyl mechiatto and cogfee mechiatto makes me doubt that the soyl one contains cogfee at all. Alas, I don't know enough about actual coffee to be able to tell you if you can even make a machiatto without coffee.

Cookies - Most of the evidence for this comes either directly or indirectly from Belle. Evidence for suits eating cookies comes from Belle's interview notes, the 1.3 blog post, the comic with Flint and Belle baking, and the C.O.O's 2023 dialogue. These also provide other things suits can eat in the form of cookie flavours: charcoal, ginger tar and crude morsels. I don't know if ginger tar is ginger flavoured tar or a variety of tar called "ginger tar", so that's up for interpretation. As far as I can tell, all three seem to function as a chocolate chip substitute, but could also possibly be replacing things like fruit or nuts in the cookies. The only non-Belle-related cookie evidence comes from the Director's Cuts ARG, where the Middleman gives the Insider a plate of crude oil cookies. I assume the crude oil used in these is a different thing than the crude morsels in the C.O.O's cookies, and I can't really identify what crude oil is supposed to be a subsitute for food-wise since it appears multiple times in different contexts.

Sandwiches and assorted ingredients - Cathal eats a sandwitch halfway through his battle, and you can't really get evidence more definitive than that. The wiki says it's specifically ham and cheese, and looking at his renders I can see that probably. In the 1.3 key art, he's got a different sandwich that looks like lettuce and tomato, so from Cathal alone, bread, ham, cheese, lettuce and tomato can be added to the list of things suits eat.

Ketchup - This is really a subsection of the last category given tomatoes have already been confirmed, but Count Erclaim steals 'Chup from Rocky on multiple occasions (notably the 'Halloween Hater comic') and Cathal also has two bottles of it in his office. There are also a concerningly high number of ketchup bottles inthe Mozzerella Styx freezer. So... Ketchup. Interestingly enough, the ad for Mozzerella Styx on High Roller's website lists 'Chup as a drink, so maybe its a suit beverage? Sure, why not.

Water - The existence of the water cooler attack implies that cogs can and do drink water, and it's also listed as an available drink three times on Mozzerella Styx's menu, as 'water', 'dihydrogen monoxide' and 'corporate water supply'. They also drink sparkling water/seltzer/carbonated water, whatever you want to call it, since Jennifer asks where she's supposed to keep her sparkling water after Spruce takes a bite out of her desk, and seltzer is one of the available options in the Mozzerella Styx drinks machine.

Cereal - Dave buys 500 boxes of cereal in the April Toons ARG. The picture identifies the cereal as 'Oil-o-Flakes', but the description says they're 'corn flakes', soooo... corn confirmed? Maybe?

Pizza - You'd think this one would be easy, given the fact that literally the only cog owned restaurant is a pizzeria, but the fact that Mozzerella Styx is a front kind of raises the question of whether they actually serve food there. Either way though, Count Erclaim orders a "none pizza with left beef" in one of his monologues, and even if his pizza is a meme it's still a pizza, and Erclaim is still a cog that's probably going to eat it. Oh. Also beef then, I guess.

The sustenance page on the gopher version of cogs.ink gets a special mention because I forgot about it completely and then felt like I'd struck gold when I stumbled back upon it. Things mentioned on this page that aren't already on the list include:

Coal, petrol-marinated beet and diamond dust inside a sandwich called the 'Money Christo'.

Sides include crispy steel bits, extra crude oil and gas-infused triple-fried coal.

Coal again, Turpentine Ansoff Jelly and Oxalic Acid patties, all of which are considered breakfast (or, deskfast, as the page says) foods.

Carbon carbonara, made with only the finest eggs and crude oil (but what ingredient can be used in cookies and also in carbonara?).

Canned bread (WHY IS IT IN A CAN?) and kerosene dip.

Compressed fish

Strawberry Daigou, which is a dessert according to the description, and also contains the allergen 'red'. I didn't know suits could be allergic to anything until now.

SODIMM SOda

Section B - Things that I'm not certain on but I thought were still worth a mention.

Pie - Allan asks if the pies the toons are throwing at him "are imported blueberry", which implies that he's eaten both imported and non-imported blueberry pies before, to be able to tell the difference. Either that or he's been hit in the face so many times with both that he's now able to tell the difference, and he doesn't actually eat them. He can tell its blueberry though, which does suggest he's had those before and knows what they taste like. Given strawberries are already confirmed, its probably safe to say that cogs eat blueberries too.

Wood - Spruce, basically. He takes a bite out of Jennifer's table during his interview, says he's got at chomping trees in his personal statement and he's always got that log in his mouth. It's never really stated whether he actually eats the trees or just bites them, though. Also, eating trees feels very much like a Spruce thing, and not something any other suits would do. Like, they probably can eat wood, but would they want to?

Coins - Its mentioned in the cog building music backstage blog post that Dave ate 20,000 Cogbucks worth of quaters in the Cashbot mints. I'm confident this is a Dave exclusive thing and that no other cog would ever do this. I think.

Section C - Things that depend entirely on the validity of Mozzerella Styx as an actual cog restaurant.

Mozzerella Styx seems like it would be a veritable gold mine of information on cog food, but that actually depends on who Mozzerella Styx's target audience actually is. Mozzerella Styx's target audience is important because if they're trying to appear as a reputable toon resturaunt, then there's no gaurentee that cogs would even eat the things on their menu, as they would be toon foods rather than cog foods. The menu is weird though, since it definetly includes things that toons would never eat, like oil, which implies either that suits are intended to eat there or that whoever wrote the menu didn't know that toons can't drink oil. The menu does seem to be geared towards toons in some way, though, given the two 'toon drink here' options in the drinks section. Who are your target market, Mozzerella Styx??? And that's not even getting into if they even sell food there. The short with the two toons ordering a pizza implies that you can definetly order there, but the outcome of that short (the toons never getting any pizza) combined with the menu says 'pay upfront', 'product not gaurenteed' and 'no refunds' makes me incredibly doubtful that anyone has ever managed to successfully eat food from Mozzerella Styx (the fact that the toons are going here also suggests its a "toon" resturaunt. Or maybe they're just chill with going to a cog owned resturaunt? They definetly at least heard Styx over the phone). HOWEVER! The fact that the 1.4.0 patch notes say they're generating more money through pizza sales, combined with the (presumably paid for) ad on High Roller's website and the fact that they have actual pizza ingredients in the freezer makes me think that maybe they are actually running a resturaunt with real food on the side of all the money laundering? Perhaps? Either way, this big long ramble has acheived nothing, and I've got no idea if these foodstuffs are any more valid than I did at the start of it. Well then. If we're assuming that cogs do eat at Mozzerella Styx, for the sake of having more data, then everything on the menu can be added to the list. This includes:

Pineapple - The head huntin' hawaiian pizza, despite the pizza pictured under it not containing any pineapple, does make another appearance on a poster where pineapple is visible. There's no sauce, though. Why is there no sauce on this pizza. (Also, I'm going to remove pineapple from the 'Mozzerella Styx Clause', since Jennifer says in Buck's interview notes that he smells like pineapple, meaning she's eaten or at least smelled it before. Therefore, it's probably a valid suit food).

Nuts and bolts - The same poster with the hawaiian pizza also suggests you add [photo of nuts and bolts]. They aren't mentioned by name, but they sure are there!

New Year Cabbage

Salad - No idea what this salad contains, so I suppose every vegetable and other thing that could possibly be in a salad is up for debate. If you wanted to make it out of already confirmed salad stuff, it would probably be lettuce, tomato and beetroot.

Mushrooms - The picture of the aledgedly hawaiian pizza appears to have mushrooms on it, and mushroom pizza is also an option.

Broccoli - The alleged hawaiian pizza also has what I think is broccolli on it, and I really like broccoli so I'm adding it to the list.

Bread-sticks

Junior Executive Juice - I hope this is juice made for junior executives and not juice made out of junior executives

Ice cream cone - Not specified whether this is an ice cream cone as in 'its ice cream in a cone' or 'it's an ice cream cone with no ice cream'. I'll assume there's ice cream involved because it seems cruel to deprive these robots of ice cream.

Waffle cone

Traffic cone - I mean... it's on the menu?

Onions

Pine - Pine needles? Pine trees? Pineapples? We will never know

Jellybeans - I find it funny that these guys are just casually eating the toons' money. Maybe there's a difference between currency jellybeans and jellybeans for eating, but its still funny.

Soda Cold-a - The drink machine by the front counter actually provides a lot of new drinks that I'm specifically exempting from the 'Mozzerella Styx Clause' due to the fact that a) Toons definetly cannot drink half of this stuff and b) this drink machine for sure exists and probably does dispense all of these things. Available beverages not yet counted include antifreeze, diet oil, coolant, Cold-a and gas (which completes the C.O.G.S trifecta! Horray, suits can officially eat everything that C.O.G.S inc produces!)

Slushies - The slushie machine behind the counter appears to dispense slushy in flavours DRINK, Zap and BLUE. There are no cups present near this machine, only cones, which implies it could be a snow cone machine, but the ad on High Roller's website shows a cup with a straw labelled 'BLUE', so either they're drinking snow cone syrup or its a slushie machine.

Snow cones

Salt and pepper - There are salt and pepper shakers on all of the tables. Horray for seasonings! Why you would put those on a pizza I have no idea.

The List

Okay, I've probably missed something but here's my definitive list, colour coded, alphabetized and sorted for your convenience. Items in black are pretty much 100% confirmed, items in blue are speculative with not much evidence and items in green depend entirely on Mozzerella Styx's validity as a cog resturant.

Human safe foods:

Beef, Beetroot, Blueberries, Bread, Bread-sticks, Broccoli, Cabbage, Carbonara, Cereal, Cheese, Cookies, Corn, Eggs, Fish, Ginger(?), Ham, Ice cream, Jellybeans, Lettuce, Mushrooms, Onions, Pepper (the seasoning not the vegetable), Pie, Pineapple, Pizza, Salad, Salt, Sandwiches, Snow cones, Strawberries, Tomatoes (and derivitives ketchup and tomato sauce), Waffle cones.

Things humans should definetly not be eating:

Charcoal, Coal, Coins, Crispy steel bits, Crude morsels, Crude Oil, Diamond dust, Extra Crude Oil, Gas-infused triple-fried coal, Ginger tar, Kerosene, Nuts and bolts, Oxalic Acid Patties, Petrol, Pine, Traffic cones, Turpentine Ansoff Jelly, Wood.

Beverages:

Antifreeze, Carbonated oil, Cogfee, Cold-a, Coolant, Diet Oil, Gas, Juice, Ketchup(?), Oil, Slushies, SODIMM SOda, Soyl, Sparkling water/Seltzer, Water.

Unidentified:

red

All of these things can probably be broken down into their core ingredients, too, which would really expand the variety of foodstuffs on offer. Basically, cog food seems to be pretty similar to human food, just with a lot more metal and machine-stuff.

[t4lon]

"That thing you're worried about IS actually terrible and would make you a bad person, but don't worry bc you probably aren't that anyway :)" is such a hilariously pointless thing to say, Especially in the context of "faking" mental disorders

You are reinforcing the stigma at the root of the fear, and spreading a mentality that will inevitably lead to people ostracizing "fakers" with very little attention to circumstance

like can you explain to me the universal factors that make "faking" "bad"? UNIVERSAL, not specific circumstances. what is the inherent problem with someone who "doesn't have a disorder" saying they have the disorder? does a "real" disorder-haver somewhere else suddenly have a heart attack or something?

furthermore, who gets to determine whether you have it or not? a professional? you? bc if it's self-determined then essentially what you're doing is saying "i have this disorder. source: trust me bro. Btw if you do the same thing im doing right now in a way i personally think is incorrect, you are categorically a bad person! so just watch out" like whether or not you did a bunch of research is irrelevant, you are essentially now treating yourself as THE definitive expert on the disorder.

its important to remember that in the eyes of many ableists, YOU are faking, even if youre diagnosed! Are they justified in hating you because they genuinely, for real, think you are lying/stealing resources? I imagine you'd say no- but only because you're "REALLY disabled"... and then that begs the question of what that means. And the snake consumes its own tail!

i think that faking accusations and the fear of both "fakers" and "faking" are the core of the problem, not their.. mere existence, nor even their participation in the community.

TLDR "I used to say I had DID" needs to not be as big of a deal to some of you people if you Ever want any of these people to be honest with you, or if you ever want to stop obsessing over the validity of your own experiences

[until-another-one-comes]

HI I WAS ACTUALLY DISCUSSING THIS WITH MY FRIEND THE OTHER DAY. Not all of them fit super cleanly and they are almost entirely based off the Nightmare neighbors jobs but. You know. Also I did base some stuff off personal headcanons but. In reality we don't have much to go off lol.

Roman -> Soul eater could tie to the fact he's an accountant, a job tied to people's livelihoods and wellbeing as he directs when money is given out. He is helping the system suck out people's souls. (This is actually fairly far off the mark, he's definitely not a bad person he's just trying to live.)

Lois -> Nightmare Designer could tie into her being a huge gossip, and very mouthy. She makes the lives of the people around her a nightmare due to her getting in everyone's buisness/being a bitch (Pretty on the mark, but it's ignoring her more soft side. She's only a bitch to people she doesn't like.)

Robertsky and Albertsky -> Putting them together because my explanations for their things are. The same. Both are blunt, mostly standoffish men who don't talk much and seem awfully distant to people. Human Hunter and Torturer are how people see them because someone like that must be a violent freak (So far off the mark. They want to do their job then go home)

Angus -> I see him being a mutilater as more like. He doesn't care about other people. He wants a spectacle, and he will rip through anyone to get that. He wants all eyes on him. (Wow that is just Angus)

Selenne and Elenois -> These two are also together, just because. They are twins with very similar jobs, witch and summoner. I do think his is more like the idea that powerful people (women in particular) have sold their souls for beauty and fame, or that anyone that beautiful must be in convent with the devil (??? They are normal ladies???)

Arnold and Gloria -> Occultist and gravedigger huh. That kinda sounds like. That kinda sounds like you know. Black Magic. And what you do after killing someone. Both things tied to putting down a certain race particularly in the USA (It is the 1950s these two are going to have a horrible time out there. They are good people? Leave them alone?)

Izaack -> As soon as I saw his job as being a ritualist it gave me pause because. Like above. That job can be tied to things used against a certain group of people. And with him being a reporter, you know, controlling the news, yeah. Yeah. (Can we leave this guy alone? Please?)

Margarette -> Causes famine huh. *Checks notes* applied to specifically a larger woman. Huh. Huh. (??? What is with this floor and people suffering from bigotry???)

Francis -> Vampirism. You know, being a bloodsucker. Or a drain on other people. Sucking the joy out of their day by just being there. (Yeah no this one's accurate)

Anastacha -> I really hate to say it but sometimes a child can bring misery to their parents, and while I totally don't think it's Anastacha's fault you could see how her existence could be brought up in arguments. (She is fine??? She is a baby. Leave her alone.)

Afton -> Stealing skins seems just. Really interesting to me in a game about things that steal identity. But he also like never puts himself on the list, is obviously really suspicious, and is tied to the dopplegangers through the project. He also says he's a physicist and is working on a team researching dopples???? (He isn't a dopple but.)

Mia -> Princess of Death. First off they did NOT need to go so hard for her but unfortunately I think the only thing that could tie her to that is the fact she also doesn't put herself on the list, like she wants the dopples to get in and kill everyone. (Idk...suspicious...)

Nacha -> Brings pests. This can be tied to Anastacha because if Anastacha causes misfortune and Nacha brings pests...lyou know, blaming her for having a child. (A lot of these people are just getting bullied huh)

Steven and Mclooy -> These are the only two where I bring their designs in lol. They look so different because they both have a dissociative disorder from being soldiers (with Steven's medals we can imply he was a fighter, and since most family members have the same jobs we can infer they are both a) pilots and b) soldiers) but yeah. They are seen as violent monsters because of them being former soldiers (Steven is fine, he's generally peaceful. I think. Mclooy isn't as nice.)

Alf -> Soul Scarecrow could be seen as him being a sort of strawman. Like, yes you have a lawyer. You have a chance! (You don't. You are going to lose his case) But you know. False hope to the people relying on him (I dunno about this one is he a good lawyer??)

Rafttellyn -> Deforms faces could be taken metaphorically, like destroying people's public image. Since she is both a housewife who is a gossip and is married to a lawyer that might give rise to that idea (I don't think she does this)

This is all my opinion and none of the notes I make here are any digs against the creators, I think exploring period relevant bigotry is a good idea, especially in a game where the main idea is you can't trust your neighbour.

Damn no one can catch a break lmao. These bitches keep CATCHING STRAYS

OKAY OKAY but the reason why I'm really interested in the twins nightmare intrepretation is because its the most obvious to me. Like, they're models which means they're beautiful and desirable and even in game their designs/expressions give them a 'haughty' look. And while I don't think they are haughty or prideful (or at least, not as bad as some people might think), their position definitely means a lot of people (especially men) thinking the worse of them, definitely for shitty reasons. Its not out there to think that their jobs causes a lot of bad faith look to them like them being seducers or whatever when they're just tryna do their jobs.

Oh shit I did not think about that with Roman. Do you think maybe its less about his job or more with how he looks cuz he definitely looks scary and I wouldn't be surprised if people thinks he's some scary guy with a violent past.

The Peachman brothers and Angus's explanation is sending me oh my Lord. (especially Angus. Oh yeah his nightmare version is just him but more fucked up lmaoooooo)

Arnold and Gloria, oh man... I didn't know those were tied to black magic :(. (also Arnold's nightmare version being the only outwardly animal looking monster makes my heart hurt. NOT DIRECTED TO NACHO SAMA cuz I don't think thats intentional but with this intrepretation that definitely kind of hurt and does not look good)

I more prefer the 'Izaack's nightmare version is a reflection on how he sees himself' theory but I also dig how you see it. Reporters usually do get a bad rep of being nosy or life ruining so it does make sense that Izaack might have that reputation and looking like a worm.

Margarette... NOOOO thats so fucked :(((. She is a nice warm person who would definitely feed you cookies and tea when you come to visit and make sure you eat well because 'you look too skinny!!' like a doting aunt.

I can't believe rhe joke of Afton beinf sus cuz 'haha purple guy' is semi canon. What is this guy's deal.

I just thought kf this but I think Francis's nightmare version (bloodsucker) is maybeeee tied to the era's joke/common thing where 'the milkman/mailman seduces housewives' or something?? Cuz I can def see that being the common perception on him and that he's a homewrecker (he is not he just wants to go home and sleep)

The Nacha and Anastacha one... ow. Why do you do this to me/j

THE ALF AND STEVEN ONE YESSS. Alf's job as a lawyer I can definitely see that!! Same with Steven- Slipknot reference aside I LOVE how his nightmare mode job is Annihilator when his real job is a military pilot/soldier. The few residents where the nightmare/real job have an almost direct connection.

TYSM for sharing these AHHH THEY'RE SO INTERESTING AND I LOVE READING OTHER PPLS THEORIES/ANALYSIS ON THIS MODE

[perpetualexistence]

Noah and the Beanstalk AU

New AU hot off the press! This one's what I'd call a one-shot AU since this is the main thought without really any other ideas to go along with it. I would still love to answer any questions about it, though!

Look under the read more for an Alenoaheather g/t au! It won't be the last, though it is currently the only one that ends in a villain thruple.

Fantasy AU where giants are a known thing to exist in the clouds. Jack did his thing with the beanstalk and became famous since he's wealthy a la golden goose. This has just encouraged more humans to try to go up and steal from giants, occasionally even killing one. At this point stealing from giants is a profession in itself. An incredibly dangerous one with a very high mortality rate.

With that context out of the way, now onto Noah. He's the youngest of 9, and his life's doing pretty okay up until his mom catches an incurable illness. Being a nerd, he throws himself into research to find some kind of magic that can save her.

Good news! There's a chalice that cures the most pressing of ailments the next town over! The bad news? That town just got razed to the ground and pillaged by a pair of giants. Giants normally don't bother coming down and prefer to stay up to hoard and guard their treasures. These two are particularly greedy though because they go out of their way to come down and take things for themselves. The treasure's their priority but if anyone gets in the way of that? They're going to lose their lives trying to protect what's theirs. Giant thieves have gone up to try to reclaim the wealth and seek revenge. Though some even theorize that these two are only doing this out of desperation and can potentially be reasoned with. People from neither side of this argument have come back down.

There's also another problem in trying to go after these two. A more human one. You see, when everyone started going after giants, the earlier ones had the advantage of stealing from unsuspecting giants with no idea this was going to be an epidemic of stealing. They got power real fast, and started doing what they could to keep that power to themselves. Certain giant thieves went as far as hiring guards to stop other giant thieves from going up and getting rich without at least some hefty fee. The particular beanstalk that Noah's got to get to has royal guards.

Noah's only got a timeline of a couple of months since that's how long the doctors predicted. So he uses that to the fullest extend he dares. Most giant thieves get killed because they think they can just sneak in without a plan and get what they want the first time they get up there.

Noah's plans to do this smart thing called reconnaissance. He's going to make a few trips up before he tries actually stealing the chalice. He needs to know a few things before he's even going to think about touching that treasure:

Where these two keep their treasure

How they guard it

If they know how valuable the chalice is, and subsequently

If they'll notice that the chalice goes missing

Can they track him down if they do notice

He somehow manages to get his way up the beanstalk whether it's through bribing guards or distracting them so he can sneak up. Though he does manage to catch the attention through Justin, the prince or else some kind of royal who wants to make a name for himself but is also too cowardly to try stealing from a giant. Justin can't prove anything, so he just watches and waits as Noah keeps up with his frequent trips.

Through Noah's reconnaissance, he learns a couple of things. The two giants are named Alejandro and Heather. They're both around his age, and they really do only care about the treasure so they can gloat to others about how wealthy they are. They're also clearly in the honeymoon phase of their relationship. It's just incredibly unfortunate that they define a romantic outing as stealing and killing together.

Noah also learns that they have no idea they've got a magic chalice on their hands, which is good. What's not so good is they have a giant dog that guards their treasure room when they're not around. (Is the giant dog a stand in for anyone in particular? Maybe! Part of me wants to say Tyler for some reason. Still trying to figure that out.) However, he does learn that the dog has been trained at least a bit through whistles. This leads to the start of a brilliant plan.

Rather than steal the chalice himself, he trains the dog to steal the chalice FOR him. The dog goes in and out of the treasure room so he won't set off any alarms. Noah already knows some tricks for doing so thanks to training his own dog. It takes a while to make sure the dog becomes familiar with and loves him as a person with treats rather than a person who is a treat. Even longer to go through the training of teaching him how to fetch the chalice through creating a replica so the dog knows what to look for. But eventually it pays off.

He books it with the chalice. He doesn't dare to get greedy because he knows these two will notice if too much goes missing. And he's seen enough of them to know they'll be incredibly vindictive against anyone who injures their pride by stealing. He actually plans to return the chalice after using it on his mother. He'd rather have them never realize it was gone rather than live with the ticking time bomb of waiting to see if they notice.

Before he goes too far with it, he tests it on himself first. It would be a waste to steal it only for it to be for nothing. He cuts the palm of his hand, then pours some water into the chalice and drinks. He was not prepared for the intensity. It feels like he's swallowed liquid fire and he nearly coughs it out, but he forces himself to swallow. As to be expected, his whole body feels like it's on fire. This was a horrible mistake. Fortunately for him, the pain subsides. And look, that cut has been healed! Finally, life is looking up for once!

Noah's biggest mistake was thinking this because the moment he gets off the beanstalk, Justin shows up. He reveals that he's been watching Noah and let him keep going up, which is why it's been so easy for Noah to make repeated trips. Justin rips the chalice out of Noah's hands to claim it for himself so he can have the prestige of being a giant thief without ever putting himself in any danger. Noah gets to live because Justin can't be bothered to kill him, and doesn't see him as a threat. Noah's only saving grace is Justin has no idea what the chalice can do, and Noah sure as hell isn't going to tell him.

Noah's forced to go home empty-handed. He starts trying to plan how to steal the chalice back, and if he even has enough time to do that. Infiltrating a castle with plenty of guards is much different than infiltrating a giant home with only three occupants.

He only gets about a week or two before two rather pissed off giants and their dog come crashing down to reclaim their stolen treasure. Noah's in town doing reconnaissance on the castle so he's close enough to see the dog bounding into the castle to reclaim the chalice and the person who's currently claiming he took the chalice: Justin.

Heather and Alejandro are busy trying to interrogate Justin into telling them how he stole from them. Neither of them are paying attention to their dog, who smells Noah, and comes bounding towards him with the chalice as he's been trained. Noah can't believe his luck.

Literally, he can't. Because if Heather or Alejandro catch sight of this they're going to figure out who the real thief is in an instant. But also this is his one chance of curing his mom while the two are distracted. He just has to pray he's faster than they are. At least he has a giant dog that serves as a great mode of transportation if you're willing to cling for your life and pray to anyone that'll listen to not fall off.

He does manage to make it home and cure his mother, thankfully without her looking too pained by drinking from the chalice. Bad news is this is around the time he hears two incredibly loud, incredibly frustrated screams and he knows they've realized the chalice is gone again.

He tries to order the dog to return the chalice to Alejandro and Heather. Which is pretty difficult considering this isn't a command he's taught the dog. The dog also hears itself being called back by its giant owners, so it comes up with the perfect solution. It lightly bites down onto both the chalice AND Noah and begins bounding back. Cue Noah screaming and trying to give the 'drop it'.

Which works! Partially. It gets the dog to drop the chalice. Down a hill. Rolling off a cliff. To the ocean below. Where it's immediately swept away. Never to be seen again.

His only hope is that Alejandro and Heather will make his death quick.

When he does get brought back to the two, he's immediately snatched up by Heather who demands to know who he thinks he is, and where the chalice is when she realizes it's gone. Noah tries to lie that their dog picked him up on complete accident, but they're not buying it. Alejandro does notice that their dog is acting particularly strange towards this one human, and convinces Heather to drop Noah into the dog's mouth.

Noah does land into his mouth, though out of sheer desperation gives the 'drop it' order. This saves him, but it also reveals himself as the original thief.

They're both at least slightly impressed that Noah managed to scheme his way into the chalice, but they've still got their images to maintain. Plus, he lost the chalice.

So, Alejandro crushes him under his heel. It's quick, although incredibly painful. The two walk off to see if they can recover the chalice, and that's the end of the story.

...Or it would be, if Noah wasn't screaming in confused pain and panic not even a minute after being crushed, perfectly healthy.

Remember when he drank from the chalice to test it out? Well, it only really has one setting: turbo-charged. So with his mother with a terminal illness, it worked exactly as intended. But when he drank from it with only a cut on his hand, it decided to go after a deeper, underlying issue.

This pesky little thing called mortality.

Alejandro and Heather also scream because what?? the fuck?? Heather kicks him into a tree on instinct and Noah goes flying. And not long after, his body rebuilds himself and he's back. The process of killing Noah and him reviving repeats for a few times before they all stop and try to figure out where the fuck to go from here.

Their pride won't allow Heather or Alejandro to simply let Noah live. And Noah plans to do everything in his power to not go through that whole die/revive process again. Alejandro comes up with the idea to just take Noah if they can't have the original chalice. Raze the town so they can still prove a point, and be on their way.

Noah has many problems with this plan, but neither cares about his opinion. Up until he points out that he'll always be looking for a way to escape. With his newfound immortality, he'll get there eventually. (He's completely bluffing about whether or not his lifespan will be extended to and this isn't just regeneration, but they don't have to know that.)

If they agree NOT to destroy the town he grew up in, then he'll promise never to try to escape. And he will want proof that they stick to their end. He doesn't want them to just lie about his town being fine while they destroyed it days ago.

They reluctantly agree to these terms. Justin, who the two had dumped earlier, tries to take claim when they start to head out with their new prize. Leading Noah to just share at the sheer audacity of him before speaking again.

"...You know how I said you couldn't touch a single person in this town? I don't consider Justin to be a part of this town, so you can do whatever you want with him."

"Oh thank god he was getting SO annoying."

"Want to bat him through the air like a human racquetball until one of us inevitably drops him mi cariño?"

"Yes, but you are so the one who's dropping him first."

Eventually Heather realizes they can use Noah to steal from other giants. So he becomes their own pet giant thief, and he eventually gets pampered since they do legitimately enjoy his schemes and sarcastic wit.

All of this because I basically wanted a g/t au where Alejandro and Heather are a bond villain couple with a small Noah as the little bastard cat they stroke on their lap. He 100% pokes fights with human royalty or other giants to watch Alejandro and Heather take them down. Alejandro and Heather know this, and they love this about him. Plus it just gives them more of an excuse to have fun dates involving ruining people's lives.

[possessionisamyth]

If you don't mind, could you elaborate on how Ada is inconsistent?

It's less about how she's inconsistent, and more about how various writers treat her role in the overall narrative of the series. For a non existent attempt at brevity, I will not be talking about how she's handled in the remakes or any of the alternate raccoon city focused games. 1998 RE2 only!

So in the original RE2, Ada is a woman who's looking for her boyfriend who is a researcher at Umbrella. She was actually dating the man to get information on/a sample of the G-Virus, and whether or not her concern was sincere for this man is debatable as she plays it up. It's a useful truth that functions as a genuine cover story. After finding out the dude's dead, she seduces Leon so he'll follow her around like a lost puppy. (He's super whiny puppy but that was entertaining to watch). Plus when she doesn't shoot to kill to get the G-Virus sample from Leon, it turns out her affection for him is real. Whether this is her working from the rebound after figuring out her current boyfriend is dead is also debatable. I can only speculate that she might have been. Ada isn't heartless. Fake dating someone for months meant there had to be some chemistry as she could've picked literally any umbrella scientist to date to get to the same result. When we look at the epilogue scene from RE3, we see she is changed by her experience.

She's not the same woman anymore. Or at least she doesn't think she is. She wasn't so much a femme fatale in the first RE2 as much as she was a mercenary/spy playing her cards right until the smoke cleared.

And then we get Resident Evil 4.

In RE4, they hammer that femme fatale persona in HARD. She's sexy. She's teasing. She's always in the right place at the right time. She doesn't get hurt and comes out on top. Ashley's existence delays the damsel role she would be tossed in so Leon can save her, but doesn't prevent it. The time she spent between 1998 and 2004 was her building this persona to put emotional walls and distance up so she can better do her job. Hell, due to the great reception the game got, this version of Ada is who gets left in the hands of every future writer who has/wants to handle her. Yet, Leon being there in RE4 puts a few splinters in this persona. Wesker's kill order for Leon absolutely cracks it. Leon may be experiencing his own personal hell, but so! is! Ada! Wong! She doesn't have to do shit. She doesn't have to save Leon. She doesn't have to kill him. She can honestly just do her job and get out, but she hasn't changed. She's just gotten really fucking good at lying to herself. So we once again see her putting everything on the line for Leon, and risking her own neck so he can get out. And this is great! And you want to see more.

And then we get RE:Damnation.

Why was she there? Look. Look at me. I love Ada. She's my wife. Why was she in the Eastern Slav Republic pretending to work for the BSAA? Oh, to collect a sample of las plagas! Wait. Wasn't she in the village where there was a fuck ton of them before this event? Why wouldn't Wesker have that already? Oh no, she needs the special plagas that let's people control lickers for a limited period of time before the parasite develops and the host become one of those twisty head zombies. Ah. A failed plagas then? She wants a failed plagas? Well, she would've had a much easier time just stealing that from the rebellion. It then would've made her running into Leon a more natural outcome. They started that movie putting Ashley in the proverbial trunk to eliminate that romantic venue and brought in Ada to go "hey! remember! leon likes her! nobody else! we promise!". They're not risking anything for each other. Ada isn't doing what she has been doing the last two stories, and it's off. The femme fatale stuff is happening, but you can cut her out and lose nothing from the movie other than a cat fight. You can't do the same thing in RE4. You can't do the same thing in RE2!

And then we get Resident Evil 6.

I enjoyed watching the Ada storyline in the game despite all the strange mechanic choices they made with the game's play style. Up until this point in the games, her and Leon keep risking their lives and/or job credibility for each other. That's what they do regardless if people view their relationship as platonic or romantic.

This game with Ada's story was a great opportunity to show how she's also wearing a mask she's built up over the years. The one that gets cracked in RE4 with Leon's mere appearance and a genuine concern for his safety. The thing is in RE6, she's kind of all over the place. We first see her doppleganger not knowing it's a different woman, and every fan is up in arms about how reasonably OOC the act is. And they're right. Next we see the real Ada, and she seems just as natural as she was in RE4. We just assume it's an outfit change until she starts investigating. Then she goes from mercenary/spy to playing superhero.

The one thing I like about the resident evil games, is that when 2 characters are supposed to be on equal ground, they'll often save each other the same amount of times. They meet in the middle, and there's something sweet about it. In RE6, Ada is constantly covering Leon's ass the closer we get to the end. Leon gets to save her with that final Simmon's confrontation. We are not counting Leon protecting fake Ada from Chris because it wasn't her. RE6 was trying so hard to make the real Ada likable by having her go out of her way to do good for everyone as a sharp contrast to doppleganger Ada's actions. However, they lost some of what makes Ada so complex with these narrative decisions.

It's nice we get to see her hurt and anger by taking out doppleganger Ada's final experiment before it hatches, but that's the end of the game! We don't get a little epilogue scene of what she's doing or how she feels like everyone else gets! They say "oh yeah, she's fine, she has more work now. Nothing's changed." When we get to see the result of hurt like we did in RE2, or the knowledge she'll gladly disobey orders for her own peace of mind in RE4.

This was a lot of words to say RE2 and RE4 remember Ada's more than just a femme fatale, whilst later appearances in the series forget this.

The remakes for now don't do that. In the remakes, we know from the get go she's looking out for herself first, and other people come second. Leon ranks a little higher on this list than everyone else, and I'm very eager to see the depiction expanded on if we get a remake Separate Ways DLC.

EDIT: Oop, just realized she was constantly covering Leon's ass in RE4 too based on the OG separate ways. Ignore that one segment, but the rest still stands!

[silver-atom]

I swear i am not being critical or contradictory. I've just been brainwashed by people who stand to gain the most from my ignorance. But can you explain anarchy to a person that's been told it would cause more crime. Or cite some sources I can research, cause I'm certain

Got this question a long time ago but I'm still gonna answer because I have so much to say about it. Keep in mind English isn't my first language.

Well, I'm not a politics or economics expert at all, I'm just a guy who's really into observing the world around me and thinking too much about it. Some of my ideas came from reading philosophy books, my favorite ones being Plato and Nietzsche. One book that I liked and you might wanna read is "Anarchist Communism - Its Basis and Principles" by Kropotkin. Still my main source for what I'm about to say is my own brain.

Also, anarchy isn't a single mindset all anarchists agree on. Every anarchist has their own version in their mind, the point in common being lack of a government. So I can explain my own version of anarchy based on my personal set of thoughts.

First of all, anarchy can't cause more crime. Because crime just... wouldn't exist, since there wouldn't be a law. Crime is a construct, which can be easily proven by the fact that each country considers different things as crimes. If crimes were actually absolute, then folding in half your leader's picture would always get you the death sentence, no matter where you are. Still you can't say it's not a crime, because it's indeed a crime in North Korea.

So, crimes wouldn't exist. But if we called them crimes anyway, then obviously crimes would happen. Still, is crime really that bad? And there's no absolute answer to this, it all depends on your own priorities, what you think is most important for us as a society.

Some people think the most important thing is unconditional progress. Then capitalism and even dictatorship are actually very efficient! Until this progress gets so fast that humans can't catch up, economic growth matters more than the planet we live in, technology fills too much of our lives. We feel part of something greater but we're actually controlled by that something. And I'm sure everyone who puts progress first, who is obsessed with efficiency, deep down knows something is wrong.

For me personally, anarchy can be defined as putting our humanity before everything else. And humanity is also freedom, which does include freedom to not work, to feel feelings, to take it slow, to do drugs, to steal, to kill... You're free to do anything considered crimes! That's really bad, right?

Well, not really. Here's a few reasons.

1. We're already free to do crimes! It might sound crazy but think about it: would crimes happen if we weren't free to do them? But they happen all the time. The difference is that right now we have to either be careful with the evidence we leave behind, accept the consequence of our action and go to jail, or be rich and not worry about any of this.

2. Most crimes don't make sense if there's no government and no private property. How do you steal something if everything is yours but also everyone else's? The idea is wild to think about, I know, property is very important to us in this society. But it can and will change, just like we figured out that slaves aren't a property, wives aren't a property, our planet isn't a property, or knowledge isn't a property.

3. What about murder? What about crazy people who do huge, crazy things? These would still exist, obviously. But it doesn't justify the police's existence. Because in an anarchist society, justice is also held by the people. There's no police letting murderers go because they're rich, there are actual people with actual need for justice, which isn't less scary. Also crazy people do crazy things mostly because society doesn't help them. This is my own belief but in an anarchist society, where we're allowed to be human and we help each other, we'd all have less mental issues and more reciprocal care.

This is a lot for sure, so take your time and just live your life, but start being careful of the things that keep happening around you. You might find that justice isn't as absolute as you thought :)

[dootznbootz]

Alright you know which character I am going to ask about HAHAHA. So - the man of many ways - and 1, 7, 21 and 25!

1.) Why do you like or dislike this character?

There are so many reasons I love this scrappy lil idiot. I've already talked about it but he's painfully human. He's a man who hates as deeply as he loves. And while yes, he's an asshole for so many reasons, (So SO many reasons) he also IS pretty nice in some parts even to strangers. He tries to give Amphinomus the chance to leave. And even then, before he left, everybody talked about how wonderful he was. (remember this guy was a "Mad King" right before he left) We KNOW he's a trickster and usually won't hesitate to swindle you but he still is very adamant about Xenia and I don't think all of his "kindness" is JUST for show and for "swindle".

He is a family man!!! He'd trade the world to see his son and wife!!!! 😭 And as someone has mentioned on here before he basically has no higher morals than wife and son and that's just...skldjfklds

I could go on and on about how much I love this silly man and his story. This is definitely a hyperfixation that won't leave! I'm actually kind of weird with him because I don't see him as "evil. evil man. (affectionate)" like I think other folks do. He sucks but idk, I think if I met him irl, I'd probably give him some logs from outside for him to make something with. I know damn well he'd probably steal my wallet and giggle about it later but idk. He's just...a Man.🥺 That's another thing. I think people forget that he is NOT a demigod compared to the other well-known heroes. Hermes is his great-grandpa and he's Athena's pet. that is NOTHING compared to being the CHILD of a god. And I'm a doofus who weirdly relates to him. I too go feral when people are mean to people I care about and/or are simply being an asshole. And I am also in love with Penelope!!! 🥰

7.) What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

The fact that everyone calls him a "wet cat". It's so silly and specific but PERFECT and I love that. Also, one thing I find neat is that out of ALL the heroes? so many artists doodle him differently. It's like the very IDEA of him is "always changing" and not consistent. The only thing I've seen that's consistent is his hair usually being darker (but changes from red/brown/black depending on the artist), that he's strong, and that he has a "shit-eating grin". But usually the face is never consistent (square or narrow faced? Tall or short? Long or short hair? Is he more like a "weasel" or like a "ram" (as he's described in the Iliad.)

Honestly, there isn't much that I don't like when it comes to fandom! :D as long as it keeps his Love of wife and son (VERY IMPORTANT), his "scrappiness", and as long as he's still "morally gray" but not "evil". then I'm happy :D

21.) If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

SIMPING.

I'm a romantic bitch and as I said, I am basically in love with Penelope so this shit writes ITSELF. I am living and loving through both of these con artists.

This ties into simping but also how much he dotes on his loved ones. He loves his baby boy!!! He carries him whenever he can and practically everywhere he goes. "Yes, my baby is in the council meeting. He is actually more coherent than you, Leodes. Dear wife, can you rip this fool's self-esteem into shreds? I need to put Telemachus down for his nap." (history only partially exists when it's a timeless story >:D "Dads weren't that involved back then-" SHUSH YOUR MOUTH! /j ) I LOVE FLUFF!!! 😭 I also love banter and teasing. It's especially fun with Odysseus and Penelope as it usually ends up with them snuggling and giggling 🥹

I really hate writing "old-timey talk". ಥ‿ಥ As you can see, I am very fucking casual when I text/talk so this has been a STRUGGLE. Also just with how much research it is. I love it but yeah...anytime I start to write I realize I need to know what wildflowers are native to Greece and what time of year they bloom because Odysseus wants to get flowers for his wife >:( (While also trying to make sure his son doesn't eat them because he's teething and trying to shove everything into his mouth as babies do)

25.) What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

Oh, no... 😅 I won't lie. Basically, all my knowledge about Greek Mythology was from PJO for many years (I still have a soft spot for it but I know that it definitely takes creative liberties and is very incorrect with some myths. I knew back then it wasn't "the truth" but I didn't know HOW much.) And while I didn't "hate" Odysseus back then, I was very Meh about him. It's been a long time and I just remember the whole thing with PJO Calypso (funny enough, I hated her before I knew "the truth". She's quite mean to Leo and as he was basically my first "Blorbo" I hated her as a little enraged 13 year old. Little did I know...) Sometimes I want to reread the series again but I also know that while I love the demigod kids and the writing style, I don't know how I'll be now that I know the real myths. I really hate the whole "what a womanizing asshole" as he's ONLY an Asshole! He's an asshole for so many reasons but it makes me sad that people hate him for the one thing that he didn't do and that was deeply misinterpreted by many folks. It also pisses me off but I will hold my tongue and be nice

Bonus:

[namelesschurch]

The time distortion is a little inconvenient. Going back through seven days worth of Tunglr posts is not my idea of a good time, especially with Lev missing. At the very least, she sent something to indicate she's safe, probably during the whole frozen time business.

---

It does beget the question on who exactly is on Mokuba's account. No one seems... suspicious or anything, even with the whole abrupt changes. I don't know Mokuba as much as Lev does, so I don't know how much he gives into flights of fancy - not to mention that everyone I'm assuming who is part of the rescue squad has not messaged back. Sarandiel in particular has commented on Rook's (the one that Lev said will be there) absence.

Erna visited Chi, Lev, and myself before Lev's departure to help out Mokuba. Her visit involved figuring out what exactly happened to her friends back in her own world - where it seems that their souls were Called away from their bodies. Lev and Erna were really the ones who took the lead in that convo, given my lack of magical ability and can only find excerpts in the research that might be useful. It is comforting though that whoever took their souls seems to intend to bring them back, cause Lev is right on that regard - if the perpetrator was just stealing souls, there's no need to keep the connection with the body. Erna herself was a delight to have - maybe part of it is knowing someone came from a rural place with a knowledge of farming - country bumpkins meeting each other haha.

Æthelthryth (thunderclapd) is an interesting, if a bit violent, person. Seems to exist in a world where dying can be made into an inconvenience - though it can be made permanent. Very strong-sounding person, and the selfie I've seen sorta shows that. Attractive in a "I feel secure" sort of way. ANYWAY. I need to add that Æ symbol into the kaomoji section - or just her entire name in general.

--

Other updates.

Lex Luthor (hello-mrpresident) seems to have suffered an assassination attempt. He seems fine though, if a little irritated at the upped security. It's odd given that he's a superhero in his own right, so it's an assassin trying to take on a superhero with known superheroes assisting said hero (ultra-rage, Jester).

Bruce Wayne (somethinginthewayne) has encountered an incident where he dislocated a limb (suspected to be anterior dislocation of the shoulder, common things being common). As I've made an inconsiderate ass of myself earlier, I am a little reluctant on pursuing this topic further beyond concern.

Kalim. Missed the mentions of the Starsending ceremony if there are there. I can't go back that many posts without it affecting my waking hours and actual work. Will probably just ask Kalim with the excuse of time screwing up. The BC Potato came back with some sort of

Ember's...turned in a god? I'm not entirely sure what's going on in that part of the universe other than Ember deciding that his world has been in the crapper long enough. The video of the U.N. getting disrupted is mighty impressive.

Met Siege the day prior to Starsending for the sake of folding stars. Oddly enough, I expected to be a lot more surprised about seeing a skeleton in the Living Room, but I guess my brain's a bit wired towards the whole "just a physical shell" nowadays. Chi gets along with Siege - I was a bit worried that Siege didn't seem like he was treating Chi like...the original, I guess - but it seems to be okay. Maybe she's even more comfortable that way? I don't know.

Kris. He helped make stars with Chi and I for Starsending. I do have a feeling this dream world of Chi's would be up his alley. However, I want Lev's input first though as she is the one who is most familiar with Chi. I don't want to alarm anybody if this just happens to be one of Chi's quirky abilities.

[eorzeashan]

I know every agent after the class story makes that joke about how they're jobless and homeless, but it only settled in for me how Eight feels about it after I finished Secrets of the Enclave as well.

He was definitely bouncing between masters and jobs, with the latest being the SIS and the CEDF (mostly Saganu), which I like to joke that Saganu is like his foster stepdad who lets this delinquent crash on his couch with an open-door policy when he gets fired from his job or his latest adventures don't pan out despite being 10 years older than him max, but he's on the fence about whether either of these places are really where he wants to stay. I also like to picture Eight laying down on a fancy chaise lounge like he's seeing a shrink whenever he visits Saganu who is also sitting in a nearby chair and tiredly asking what he wants to do with his life from here, lol.

The SIS...has been lackluster. It's been interesting getting to work for them and better with encouragement from Theron, but he can't see himself doing it long term and he's already pissed off every Sith in 2 square miles after about 2-3 jaunts in Imp space. The war was never very meaningful to him, and he gets the sense that it'll die down soon if it gets left alone without him fanning the flames.

The Chiss are home too, but that's complicated, and he knows he's not one of them. He'll never be despite all that he's done for their people. Theirs is a proud race and even if Saganu and Nosta swear House Miurani will always hold him in high esteem, he sticks out like a sore thumb amongst their populace and the intricacies of their society elude him. Not to mention someone with such a violent past as his doesn't quite fit in their non-confrontational policies, and he only does private hits to get around loopholes for Saganu. (I'm still livid I didn't record the stupid little blaster twirl and grin he did after shooting Syndic Zenta point blank as if he didn't just kill somebody in cold blood. Stop showing off.) As much as he could peacefully eke out his days in their service, it's dull to him and neither he nor Nosta have gotten over their psychological traumas enough to face each other fully.

The Alliance in his storyline is also effectively disbanded immediately after the Traitor Arc, so he has no home there in the first place-- along with mostly negative connotations. Lana and Theron will always nab him if given the chance, but all three of them need space after the garbage fire of an alliance they made.

So what is he doing now besides having an identity crisis?

This doesn't help the growing list of random jobs he's hopped on and off, but I actually feel as if...he could be recruited by the Imperial Reclamation Service. By temporary contract of one Talos Drellik, because if there's one thing those archaeologists are in short supply of, it's muscle. Eight would be shocked too when given the offer: "do I look like a researcher to you?" and Talos would cheerfully deflect by pointing out his thirst for understanding Sith like Jadus and his own affinity with the Dark Side, to which Eight has no rebuttal.

It's true; he does secretly dream of a world where everyone can communicate and connect with one another through the Force, or non-Force users can co-exist with Force-users without being shut out from one another. Jadus' protection allows him to be incorruptible from places steeped in the Dark Side, and he's a rare and capable agent who would be better protection than a Sith who would most likely steal artifacts for their benefit rather than help the Service reclaim them.

And, Talos would add, you might find that preventing and safekeeping relics of untold power is not unlike saving the galaxy from conspiracy, my friend. The Reclamation Service battles entire legions of separate armies in a relic arms race each day! You'll never want for excitement and bloodshed, if that is your calling.

Eight would harumph, but he'd cave; he's rather weak to the thrill of adventure that means something to him for once. And if it helps him reconnect or eventually reunite with Jadus, who is out there somewhere...well, he'll take any chance.

[ninjakittenarmy]

freelance artists and stock photographers don't make a lot of money so it's unethical to make a service that automates their jobs (the problem is capitalism)

I actually see this one a lot and I don’t really agree with it. Only point of contention I have with the overall post. I disagree because you can say the same if things like farming or fast food work. In fact, the idea that a given technology is bad because it “steals jobs” is a pretty common reactionary talking point and argument for either halting technological development or full blown primitivism. It’s the argument the Luddites used.

The general argument for why this instance of the argument is right when the others are not is generally the amount of fulfillment one gets from art and the existential crisis of not being able to create things but that’s literally the exact same argument used for ALL anti-automation stances. The argument that “we should only automate menial labor so we can spend more time on creative pursuits that actually give fulfillment” doesn’t work because 1) capitalism still means people suffer from job loss regardless of what the job actually is and 2) people DO find fulfillment in those jobs. Farming, mining, cleaning, fast food work, etc. are things that a fair few people would actually really like to continue doing. Heck, the original Luddites were artisans like blacksmiths and potters and wood carvers and such. These things are artwork in and of themselves, and automation has made them less ubiquitous. Yet nobody is saying making steak knives or bowls in a factory is immoral these days (except primitivists). The benefits as a whole for automation simply outweigh these issues.

The thing to remember is that the Luddites were actually wrong in the grand scheme of things. Every job I mentioned still exists. Blacksmithing, wood turning/carving, pottery making etc. are still around today. People can make quite a bit of money off of it. There are fundamental differences in hand made versus automated products, there’s a lot of reasons you’d want to buy handmade.

I don’t see why it’d be different for things like digital art or writing. It doesn’t really matter how much AI stuff goes on the market, it’s going to be rather different than stuff people write, and people are still going to be interested in quality work a living artist has made. If we get to a point where AI stuff is actually GOOD, it’ll still be different. You won’t go to it for the stuff you go to people for, I honestly don’t think it’ll even get to the point where it supplants traditional art. Companies really WANT it to be for money reasons but it’s REALLY not working. It’ll probably just end up being another niche in the greater art world. A tool in the kit.

There’s also the idea that people sometimes propose that because the labor issue is a problem with capitalism, the human economic cost is too high to allow this tech to be developed right now and we have to wait until we establish socialism or communism before we can pursue any more of this research and that’s just… a really bad idea. Seriously I would need a whole other post to explain all the reasons why it’s a TERRIBLE idea to start banning scientific research until society is “ready”. You do NOT want anyone having the power to determine what counts as being “ready” for a certain technology to be developed. It’s why I hate seeing that trope in fiction. There are so many ways that could go wrong.

on the other end the copyright argument against ai art is just so bad. I hate how that's the most common one people use, like I'm sorry but an interpretation of copyright law that classifies images made with generative ai as "plagiarism" or "theft" would be a worst-case scenario for everyone except the walt disney corporation

[lunas-a-little-looney]

I feel like people are really missing the point about why chatgpt is bad. Like people are focusing so much on the ai part and why they think everybody who uses chatgpt is lazy and making themselves stupider and it's like, that's not the issue. In a vacuum there's nothing wrong with generative ai, it's just a cool technology. The problem is that these models are created by greedy assholes who are stealing from the people who actually make their product valuable. Just like smartphones, computers, clothes, and everything in our society because AI IS NOT THE PROBLEM ITS CAPITALISM. Like you don't need to argue that LLMs have no legitimate uses in order to criticize chatgpt and the capitalist incentives that made it into what it is.

Actually it *is* cool that it can help you write emails, or find sources for research that you're doing. If you understand it's limitations it's actually an incredibly powerful tool just like every other technological advancement in history. People have been complaining that x new thing will stop young people from learning important life skills since the dawn of invention.

I'm a physics major. When handheld calculators became widespread there was serious concern among physicists and mathematicians that the new generation of students wouldn't learn how to do math properly because they could just have their calculators do it. That never happened because students aren't stupid. Neither are teachers. We all understand that it's super important to learn how to do the math without a calculator so you can understand what's going on in complex problems. So we learn to do the math with no calculator. Most of my work is done without a calculator. None of that diminishes the value of calculators. They can do amazing things and their existence does not invalidate our ability to learn important skills. What they actually do is make some really important things go a lot faster when you're just trying to solve a real world problem and they are vital to doing meaningful work in any modern stem field.

[alexvalder]

I posted 2,414 times in 2022

That's 1,052 more posts than 2021!

342 posts created (14%)

2,072 posts reblogged (86%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@dasha-through-the-snow

@ohsalome

@spoiler1001

@q-hayashida-fanboy

@propalahramota

I tagged 1,327 of my posts in 2022

Only 45% of my posts had no tags

#q - 775 posts

#devil may cry - 398 posts

#hollow knight - 247 posts

#original post - 206 posts

#personal - 152 posts

#ukraine - 75 posts

#fuck russia - 63 posts

#fuck putin - 56 posts

#berserk - 56 posts

#long post - 47 posts

Longest Tag: 138 characters

#my (not my anymore) uni has a reputation of bribing even to the point that when i told one of my coworkers that i need to study for a test

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

@shoujoboy-restart is this how we start the day now?

100 notes - Posted October 16, 2022

#4

In light of videos of Ukrainian farmers/villagers stealing Russian military vehicles

103 notes - Posted March 5, 2022

#3

Can't wait for USA to start bombing the shit out of Brazil because we're having a Nazi resurgence in the south states such as recently having a congressman go on a """free speech""" podcast and talk about how there should be a official Nazi political party.

Also, aren't the same people using denazification the same ones who just until January would shit their pants and get in a definition and empty moral fight about "punch a Nazi" platitudes and that Antifa calling themselves "anti fascist" doesn't mean they don't display or have authoritarian and negative behaviour associated with fascism? I'm just ranting at this point, but damn people really don't what their own principles and what to believe at this point eh?

I specifically wrote that post because of this.

Listen, I don't like Azov or similar formations, however their existence and what they're doing is Ukrainian problem. Not Russian. The only thing other countries have to do is to state their opinions or forbid certain organizations on their own territory - which Russian already did in the past.

Russia never cared about neonazis - their own or not. They are saying to themselves that "we defeated the Nazis", as if this makes them innocent and always right (btw, Soviet propaganda barely ever called them Nazis, only fascists - because how can socialists call their mortal enemies nationalist socialists? And Russia continued this tradition). They barely talk about horrors that Nazis committed, and when they do - only to say how they are good and heroic. WW2 for them is not a bloody massacre that took away millions of lives and changed the world and how it operates forever, for them it's a story about how good Russians (not mentioning that Red Army had people of various ethnicities, this was only remembered by authors who saw the war itself) saved the day and how the rest of the world in ungrateful to them.

Also, the post I linked. "Ukraine sided with axis".. Excuse me? Ukraine was a part of USSR as Ukrainian Soviet Socialist Republic. And Moscow let Nazis go wild on Ukrainian land, because of inadequate response to the invasion. Most of Ukrainian territory was occupied by Nazis, and they did whatever the fuck they wanted here, including burning down villages, murdering people, trafficking them to Germany (my own great grandmother had to fake being sick with syphilis and cover herself in bandages, so that German soldiers were too disgusted to verify, and this rendered her unfit for manual labor in Germany). I believe they are referring to UPA and Bandera, but for what I know history there is more complicated and there's actually a chance that they didn't side with Nazis, but I'll return to this topic when I'll do my research (and I don't have mental resources to dig it right now). And anyway, they were a relatively small group on the west of the country, that btw modern Russian propaganda doesn't even recognize as Ukraine, but as "Stalin's gifts to Ukraine".

Anyway, most of Ukrainians aren't Nazis, neo or not. Nationalists do have parties, but their support is so tiny that even united, they didn't get enough votes to get to parliament. And their existence, again, doesn't fucking justify what bullshit Russia is doing right now. As it was said, we elected a Jewish comedian as our president, and Russian propaganda calls him a Nazi.

What Russia tries to do now has nothing to do with fighting nazism anyway. They're doing good old imperialism, including "divide and conquer" part - that's why those so-called republics appeared in the first place, and Russia fueled that conflict for 8 years. And now they are aiming at destroying the government and putting there their own puppet president (Kadyrov, this terrorist with armed gangs, already asked Zelensky to step back and let "legit Ukrainian president Yanukovich" rule, you know, that one that has spent in Russia last 8 years and who asked back then for Russian military intervention). They did it with Georgia in 2008, same with Pridnestrovian Moldavian Republic. They want Ukraine to either be divided in a bunch of "republics" that only have humanitarian catastrophe and are completely dependent on Russia, or be a puppet state like Belarus now (fuck Lukashenko; btw, he also calls his political opponents nazis, including labeling own Belarusian flag that was official flag from 1991 to 1995, a nazi symbol... sounds familiar?). Putin is imperialistic madman.

Basically, I'm just really-really angry at those people. They suck imperial cock and call themselves anarchists, on top of that.

119 notes - Posted March 9, 2022

#2

"Akshually Russia is right about denazification because Azov exists"

I hope you don't mind waking up at 5 am due to nearest airport being blown up by Russian rockets because bad people exist in your country. You also don't mind your neighbors, including old people, kids, women, disabled people etc. killed because bad people exist in your country. Actually, those foreign soldiers who invaded your country are just wanting to free you of those bad people! It doesn't matter how many innocents they'll kill in the process and what regime they are going to set up. They're saying they're against those bad people. Are you one of those bad people yourself, huh?

Go fuck yourself, right after Russian warship.

Maybe you also believe that in Ukraine they kill you for speaking Russian? Тогда иди нахуй блять, долбоебина.

139 notes - Posted March 9, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

140 notes - Posted September 8, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[ohmykazuha]

♡ warm hugs and you

♡ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: itto, childe, zhongli, diluc, xiao, scaramouche, thoma, dainsleif, kazuha x gn!reader

♡ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: fluff <3

♡ 𝐚/𝐧: this was so adorable but it took me so so so so long!!! aaaa!!! | like/rb if you liked this please!

ITTO loves your hugs! soft and sweet, he willingly melts into your embrace. in all actuality, the sight of you hugging him is quite funny due to the sheer size difference, but you don't mind it! there's more of him to hug. when he's with you, itto doesn't care of his reputation. all he cares about is your comfort and wellbeing and if he's accidentally squishing you too hard or not. itto can really be such a sweetheart! so yes, hugs with him are incredibly amazing <3

CHILDE loves loves loves any sort of physical affection from you. sneaky cuddles, hugs, kisses – anything that he can get, he wants it. childe loves your hugs so much; they're the equivalent to a hot chocolate or a warm blanket. it's soothing to him, especially as a man who has been on the battlefield for quite some time – these precious moments are rare and short-lived, but always sought after! it's really quite cute – scary fatui guy being all snuggly. you don't mind it at all.

ZHONGLI welcomes any sort of physical interaction, although he may be a bit stiff at first. zhongli may not be a natural at hugging, and may sometimes awkwardly elbow you in the stomach – but over time, his hands seem to perfectly find its way around you into a hug. time does that, and changes the nature of your relationship for the better, i believe. zhongli does like warm hugs, it makes him feel a sense of peace and relief from his war-torn memories.

XIAO wouldn't admit it at first, but he seeks out your hugs as a source of comfort. being involved with violence from such a young age left him eager to seek comfort. your hugs were sunshine, happy days, good things – each caress leaving him asking for more. xiao, all tough facade deteriorated – loves every type of physical touch he can get from you. he wouldn't admit it, but he thinks that physical touch is really the special thing that sets apart your relationship from the others.

SCARAMOUCHE didn't like it at first, but grew over time to enjoy each hug from you. being a warrior – and an outcast – made his need for physical affection grow to heights he never knew about. he was touch starved; the lack of love from relatives helped with his repressed need for affection. he loves how your chin just fits perfectly in the crook of his neck, and he loves how he can just be... himself around you. without the stress of being a balladeer or part of the fatui. just... scaramouche, kunikuzushi. just him.

THOMA loves all the affection he can get! i know it seems repetitive from my other post, lol. thoma is such a cuddle bug and is always 100% down to cuddle anytime! whether he's at work, eating lunch, preparing hotpot ingredients, baking with you, cleaning the house, anything! he'd steal you away to cuddle sometimes XD but when there's no time? hugs are always the solution. quiet breathing as he curls into you. when he's upset or bored or angry or just feeling any emotion... thoma looks for you straightaway.

DAINSLEIF isn't a hugs type of person, but would do it just for you. i don't think he likes physical touch very much, but he might indulge you in it every once in a while! he needs a bit of solace after being plagued by his past. he might curl into you after a long day or research, or after a battle, after you had tended to his wounds. dainsleif doesn't exactly mind hugs... only if he comes from you. he wouldn't accept it if it comes from anyone else! you're special that way. XD

KAZUHA loves your hugs! especially out at sea. he loves how he can find you out at deck, and just wrap his arms around you. late nights are spent cuddling with you all the time. he loves how he could just cuddle you, no questions asked as the two of you can just.. co-exist in the space together. just you and him, as everyone else retires for the night. you can see the lights of liyue harbour together, the quiet bustling of the city, a gentle reminder that you're still out at sea. but that doesn't matter, because you're with him!

aaaaa! finally! we're done with this! hooboy. this took me a while... please hype it up? i really want to see if we can get this past 600... or maybe even 1000 if tumblr algorithm is nice. like and reblog if you liked this please!

taglist: @bookuya, @mikachuchu, @starglitterz, @cherubbic, @noirkkat, @the-gayest-sky-kid, @ajaxeology, @icecappa, @almondoufu, @gnyuvile, @yeetmeoffjueyunkarst. @simplyxsinned, @heaven-dissolution, @xiaoyksa, @yua1106, @cruxdou, @mayple, @rim0na, @kamitoge, @abyssheart, @hushyouu, @thaliastea, @chichikoi, @cxlrose, @xiaos-tofuu, @yuezhong, @kall-me-dreamer, @myluvkeiji, @melkxsh, @haliya-mori

[runic-raptor]

Adding more from my time keeping fish:

- REPEAT AFTER ME: Larger tanks are easier to maintain than smaller tanks. Fish poop in the water. The water gets dirty. The filter cleans the water, BUT, if there is more poop than water, the filter cannot keep up. The more water you have, the more spread out the poop is, and the more fresh water the fish still have after pooping.

- I'm not kidding. Don't go with the minimum tank size. Bigger tanks are easier to maintain and require fewer water changes.

- On that note, you can get used tanks for infinitely cheaper than in-store. Just be SURE to leak test them OUTSIDE first.

- Get something like a Python aquarium hose/vaccum. Get bigger than you think you need. Makes changing water easier and you will need one to drain the tank after you leak test it. Do not try to carry a full tank of water into your house. Do NOT tip over the aquarium to drain it. Defeats the point of the leak test, you're gonna break it.

- Different fish have different water flow needs. Generally I like to get a bigger filter than my tank needs and just set it to low, but some fish like bettas do not like a lot of flow. Use something to slow down the current if need be.

- A note on betta sororities. They can be difficult to maintain. Some females will still kill the heck out of each other, so be prepared to separate them if need be. (I know most bettas are sold in tiny cups, but if they're in a larger aquarium with other fish, they TEND to be better candidates for cohabitation)

- Speaking of cohabitation, you CAN sometimes keep a betta (male or female) with other fish. Sometimes. They will still often eat their neighbors - ESPECIALLY if they look too much like a betta. I don't recommend male guppies for example. Bettas will very often eat shrimp too, so be warned.

- Cycle your tank BEFORE you buy the fish. It's best practice and usually has the best results. I'd say a good 60% of fish deaths within the first week are because the tank wasn't cycled.

-- TLDR about cycling. A filter right out of the box basically only filters out physical gunk from your tank. Your tank NEEDS benefitial bacteria - this is what breaks down fish poop and basically makes it safe water again. Otherwise your fish will suffocate on their own poop. You kind of need to actually read and understand the water cycle here because it's important, but that's WHY it's important.

- The BEST thing I can recommend is steal a filter from someone's existing tank. That filter will already have established bacteria in is, and make the new tank process much MUCH smoother. Quick Start bacteria is great, but it still takes a while to establish itself.

- Even if you don't have weeks to cycle the tank before adding fish, please at least run the tank for a few hours (if not a full day) before adding fish. This gives time for the sand/gravel to fully settle, the heater to heat up the water, and whatever bacteria you added to at least have a chance to grab onto surfaces in the tank. Just make sure you don't leave the fish sitting in bags that whole time... There's not enough oxygen in those bags and they will be swimming in their poop for hours. 1) Buy and set up tank. 2) Wait a few hours or a day. 3) THEN you buy fish.

- Check into what kind of substrate (sand, gravel, dirt, etc.) is best for the kind of fish you're getting. Some fish for example are known to swallow gravel if it's small enough to fit in their mouth (be wary of "large" gravel bags that also have broken smaller pieces of gravel). And some fish have really delicate bellies and shouldn't have gravel of any kind. So do your research first.

(This is all off the top of my head at 1am, so sorry if anything is unclear or inaccurate. It's been a while since I've had fish as well, so I could be completely forgetting something important.)

Like for example,

- If you have cats, make sure your tank has a lid. True Story:

"Wow, I'm surprised your cat has never tried to eat your betta since they're out in the open like that."

"Oh yeah, they're a good kitty. We've had both of them for years and no problems."

*The next day, Blue the Betta mysteriously disappeared. Only known suspect? Feline who has "never bothered the fishies"

When I was young my dad offhandedly told me he thought people treated fish with so much casual cruelty because fish can’t scream.

The words branded themselves across my soul.

As an adult I think he may have been joking. He payed no especial attention to any indignities fish suffered in our household but I could never forget. I saw fish in a different light after that.

Fish kept in tiny bowls, breathing their own poisons, dying by inches. Fish kept in cold tanks, casually disposed of. Fish touted as being short lived when they could outlive the better loved family dog if only they could breathe. Fish casually won and discarded in cheap plastic bags, thrown away a week later.

How they would scream, if they could.