#but rather categorically. at least... that's what i think

[d8tl55c]

oh boy !! ! ! ! !!! ! thANK y0u all for the kind words on my last art posts. you all get it and i was/still am so happy about it

as promised, here's some close-ups of the comic for image quality's sake, and other screenshots i rescued from the community whiteboard (and something else)

first up another sketch of mystery gender-ambiguous being. (please send me more name ideas for them if you got one- i like to hear em! (reminder it's the side character that appeared for <10 seconds in AvM Ep. 30))

a few fav scenes

emotional support cwab

they weren't meant for this purpose exactly, but i do have countless "fluffy sticks" loose in my notes and homework sheets from the school years.

papery critter.

even when i wasn't confident in fur or feathers, they helped me practice posing and create some satisfying gradients/flowing poses. (im a sucker for good tail poses) (oh yay! i found a good pic...)

and finally, little sneak peak for you for reading so far ;3

i realized that whiteboardfox is pretty great for my working needs. simple and to the point and all. feels nice with the mouse and the tablet.

so i started hashing out a big project idea just to see if it holds up and

[

several hours later ...

]

oh

oh man

it's a little bigger than i expected

<next>

[anam-mana]

It fascinates me that Alistair gets lumped in with the “Chantry Boys” in discussions about Dragon Age Archetypes because it’s just. Very untrue. But it’s an idea the text actually pushes you to connect with in a way I think is purposeful.

This guy introduces us to the lore of the Blight by asking if we want “the chantry version or the truth.” If we ask if they’re not the same thing he smirks and says with some attitude “they rarely are.”

He sums up his religious beliefs saying he’s “not especially” Andrastian, and that “believes in the Maker well enough.”

He’s actually LESS religious than Zevran, who describes himself as fully Andrastian with a regular prayer routine in optional conversation branches.

The things that people use to categorize Alistair’s supposed “Chantry Boy” boy status all have non-religious motivations.

For example, the big one, his virginity, is because 1. He’s nervous around women, which is the gender he finds most attractive 2. He’s actually the youngest Party Member, being freshly 20 years old. 3. And most importantly, he correlates sex with love and was brought up to see them as requiring the other and so feels uncomfortable having sex without what he sees as “true love.” And he just hasn’t been in love yet.

Another example would be his reaction to the Urn of Sacred Ashes. He reacts with wonder akin to Leliana where many others react with a contrasting blasee attitude. Even the Andrastian Zevran.

But you gotta read between the lines here. Zevran doesn’t hold remains as sacred. He’s an assassin. So his prophet’s body is in that urn. It’s a body. The least remarkable and most mundane, perhaps even the hardest to swallow, thing she could ever be to Zevran is a corpse. Kinda takes the wonder out of faith for an assassin if she dies and rests just like any one else.

But Alistair is fascinated, in awe. 1, probably because the Chantry he doubts so much now has some kinda proof that something they said was true, unlike what he previously believed. 2, Alistair is WAY more patriotic than he is religious and we gotta remember that the Fereldans pride themselves on Alamari heritage, and Andraste was probably the most powerful and influential Alamari person to ever live. 3, he’s actually a giant history buff. He info dumps history on you often, with the memorized readings of whatever question you ask. If asked about the King and Loghain before the betrayal at Ostagar, he shows respect for Loghain’s service in the War for Independance, and knowledge of his tactics. And when speaking about his time in training with the chantry as a child, he says the education was actually what he liked most. And a lot of his gifts are things like replica soldiers, Fereldan historical things, maps, (along with his interest in magical artifacts but that’s for another day.) etc. Given his patriotism and love of learning history, yeah, the Urn is a big deal to him.

I have more things I could say, but really, I just find Alistair to be one of the most misrepresented by fandom characters. His character has a TON of subtext that challenges you to look beyond what others represent him as and the low opinion he holds of himself.

The perception of him as Andrastian and devout is one pushed on him by people like Morrigan (and others to some degree) who fights Alistair more like a straw man representing society than she engages with him as himself. She sees him as a Templar even though he left the order specifically because they abused him And he fundamentally disagreed with their practices, The Harrowing specifically being what pushed him to fight to leave.

There are, textually, two ways to interpret Alistair. Through face value aesthetics and symbolism pointing to association with the Chantry and by observing other’s opinion of him. Or through actually listening to what he says and watching what he does.

And it’s just interesting to me that a lot of people get caught in the trap of what he represents aesthetically rather than who he is.

[miamc]

it’s funny how when will says that el has a bunch of letters from mike he says “that’s because she’s my girlfriend will” not, “that’s because i care about her will” or “that’s because i miss her”. because we know mike misses and cares about will too so that couldn’t be why he didn’t write to him or call. the way he says it almost feels like he’s treating it as some kind of obligation. it’s like his mind categorizes el as “the girlfriend” first rather than just “el”. like there are certain things he must do because she is his girlfriend and he is her boyfriend and that’s the way it is. it all feels very mechanical.

then the “we’re friends, we’re friends!” it’s just?? nobody said you weren’t? it’s like he’s equating keeping in touch with romance. if he kept in touch with will like he did with el who is his girlfriend, will would be like his boyfriend. and we know he wanted to call but couldn’t because of joyce’s telemarketer job. so why didn’t mike just explain this then? it would’ve been really simple. “i wanted to call but i couldn’t because the line was always busy” maybe will would’ve thought it was an excuse but you would still think mike would have said it?? why did he create a situation where it would have been romantic if he tried to keep in touch instead?

i can only imagine how this was for will who is already so scared of what mike’s reacted to him being gay will be like. it must be so confusing. every time he confronts mike about a failing in their friendship, mike gives the conversation a gay undertone when there wasn’t even one in the first place 😭 will probably thinks he’s being too obvious or doing something wrong when in reality mike is the one making it weird.

while will didn’t call either, the entire situation is framed as mike ignoring will and acting weird, when will is the one supposed to be acting weird because he likes mike! mike doesn’t suspect that will likes him so why would he distance himself from will? literally all of this comes from mikes side not wills. if mike was really straight i think they would have written the scene differently. i mean there has to be some reason he got defensive rather than explaining himself.

they wanted us to know about joyce’s telemarketer job as they revealed it later on. they wanted us to connect the dots and realize that’s why mike couldn’t call. but why wouldn’t mike say this to will?? what about calling your best friend that’s moved away could be misconstrued at romantic?? i think too many people focus on will in this scene and the “what about us” that they comely forget to focus on mikes reaction. the way he says “what” is about a hundred times more incriminating than “what about us”. will meant that platonically. he wants to know what happened to their friendship. but mikes distraught face and vulnerable “what” immediately followed up by defensiveness? no sorry. that’s not how you would react to your best friend asking about your friendship.

something about being asked to examine his friendship with will scared him. if it was all really platonic he could have at least said what is an exasperated annoyed tone. no, instead he said it in such genuinely vulnerable tone like it’s impossible not to notice it on a rewatch. he was dreading that question for a long time.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Since you've discussed your favorite parts of ep. 7, I'd like to know your biggest criticisms of it & how you would've addressed them.

[Referencing this post!]

*raises finger* (my lawyer pulls me away)

Here’s how I would change the ending (while still staying within the Disney + mobile gacha game restraints and sticking with the themes + patterns established by other OBs):

Rework all the dreams. Every single last one. I can’t count the number of issues I have with them. Between the inconsistent pacing (4-35 parts per boy), the lack of urgency, extra fat (irrelevant convos), frequent contradictory explanations of the dreams, and the on-the-nose announcements of how each boy has changed, these are horribly inefficient vehicles for storytelling and need to be significantly tightened.

Between each dorm’s dreams, cut back to Malleus and Lilia so they at least STAY relevant for a book that is supposedly about Diasomnia. Let us know what Malleus’s current state of mind is, have Lilia reflect on what it’s like to see Malleus twisted into… this. Something, anything.

Make the explanation for the dreams consistent. Instead of changing the explanation or slapping on new details every other update, just claim right from the get-go that dreams tend to pull from a dreamer’s wishes/desires but it’s unknown how the dream worlds will actually be interpreted or how they’ll interact with Malleus’s magic since each person is so different. You can still have the dreams with deeper hidden meanings, but avoid overcomplicating the logic governing dreams in the first place.

Have Lilia join up with us in the dream world. Maybe a scene where Ortho or Idia connects the dots on his identity and contacts Lilia using his Muscle Red gaming ID tag in the dream world. Lilia receives his invite that way and joins us for the battle maps + help Silver and Sebek train with their new equipment. You can also potentially use this section to have Silver and Lilia reconcile over Lilia keeping secrets from him.

Like how Sebek had moments with the first years in their dreams, give Silver moments in which he can reflect on his relationship with + thoughts on the Dawn Knight. It feels a little strange to me that we went from emotional breakdown learning about his lineage to… thanking the Dawn Knight for not taking Lilia away at the end??? Like it feels like we missed the middle part of that development. We never got to hear his inner thoughts about the ordeal or how he comes to terms with it. For something so heavy, you’d think there would be more screen time dedicated to that??

The sword strikes Malleus, which brings him back to his senses but doesn’t break the horn. (This is just a personal dislike thing; it’s uncomfortable for me because it inevitably reminds me of poor injured animals and that’s not exactly… fun 💦)

Lilia still gets in the way of Malleus and Silver’s final stand-off, but rather than dying, he’s in critical condition and is in very real danger of dying.

Have Malleus willingly sacrifice a significant chunk of his magic (since he has all that excess from the senators blessing him + Malleus even canonically says he’ll give up his wings, his lifespan, etc.) to bring back Lilia from the brink. This would serve multiple purposes: 1) permanently power cap Malleus, 2) show him that his previous actions actually hurt Lilia but he also has the power to do good too (so he’s not filled with complete despair at the end), 3) rids him of the excess power he didn’t ask for, so now he’s more “approachable” to people, 4) doesn’t bring up potential issues with reviving the dead, since this could be categorized as ultra powerful healing magic, and 5) parallels the self-sacrifice Lilia had for him, that Silver had for Lilia, etc.

Honestly, I think Lilia should move away to the Land of Crimson Long to retire instead of regaining his magic and returning to NRC as a student. That way, Malleus isn’t the “special” OB boy that doesn’t have to still deal with the thing he OB’d over. Have it end on a hopeful note though, like have Idia or Lilia showing Malleus how to text (which is now more feasible due to Malleus’s reduced power) so he can always reach out to Lilia at a moment’s notice. This also fits in with the theme of keeping connected.

Alternative scenario to the previous point: have Lilia be taken away to urgent care and/or in a coma for a while. Let Malleus stew with the weight of what he did. Then maybe he + Diasomnia are called in when Lilia’s unstable and this might be good-bye 💦 Idk, at least then Lilia wouldn’t be dead for all of 5 seconds and Malleus would actually have a period where he’s forced to sit and reflect on what he did. Worrying and praying that Lilia will be saved, promising to the stars that he’ll never act out again if they just save Lilia. (You can still have your power of love saves him moment here!)

Following the OB, give a more balanced view of the repercussions of Malleus’s OB. Tell us how other nations are reacting, show us that some people are suspicious of him + need extra help recovering after the fact (in addition to people who love his UM and want to stay in there longer), etc. The current version works overtime to reassure us that there are zero negative (or even dubious) consequences when, logically, there would be at least some. This includes the main cast. Realistically speaking, they’d at least have some reservations or complicated feelings revolving around what happened in their dreams and how they feel seeing Malleus return. Ultimately, they’d welcome him back but some of them would still snark a bit while others are more forgiving (depends on the character; not all of them would react the same way).

We can still have the party + knighting ceremony at the end, but include some kind of magical broadcast or something where Malleus apologizes to all of Twisted Wonderland and lets them know what steps he intends to take to make amends moving forward. In the original, he only apologized to NRC, which I feel doesn’t cover the scope of the lives he could have affected. And if you’re going to have the other OB boys recite their flaws + how pathetic they were wallowing in darkness + how they’ve changed/are better than that now, grant Malleus that same opportunity here. It would also be great if he could go around and acknowledge the important people in his life, including classmates, to show us that he truly recognizes the value in these connections. I do, however, want to caution: the speech shouldn’t sound like Malleus speedran a character arc and is now without flaws. Malleus should also have some lines where he admits he’s imperfect and may falter, and if that’s the case, then he trusts us to admonish him and set him on the right path. This would show us that he’s willing to give up control to others and that he’s being more receptive to criticism.

Add a nod to Raverne at the end??? Like maybe Malleus wonders where his father is and we get some explanation as to why he didn’t show up in the Castle Wildrose memories but his mom did.

I don't think I actually made many changes here; most of the plot points remain, just change the execution and what the focus is on.

[sscardinal7]

Live stream happened, and we got some designs revealed! As well as a couple of information, but not anything major.

Miss conductor, not much of a surprise (but miss girl looks gorgeous as always)

And Node, who is sort of the main antagonist.

I made a prediction before, and April 21 hit,.. so I believe it is well due for an update by now.

While we did not receive nearly as much information as we were anticipating, a design still reveals much on the character itself when going through the lens of a general analysis. In this context, their abilities and name aid significantly in the status and essential depths of their character.

With what I can gather in my research, nodes play an important role in networking because they are the building blocks of a network, precisely the gateway for connection, direction, sending, creating, receiving, and storing data. It requires only software to connect to the network, and it can be run by completely anyone. Applying this knowledge with concept arts of the game and overall worldbuilding of the series itself—everything becomes a lot clearer.

So now, how can we apply this to Node?

Node's name is simple in itself, and it connects to their design as well. They are quite literally made up of nodes. One in their head and the other in their limbs. Their body is translucent.

Network nodes are categorical. Thanks to DJ, we got a helpful hint that incredibly reduced their types to a digestible and simpler layout.

Their name starts with i.

There are countless forms and types of nodes, the hint condensed it down to 2 answers, both starting with the letter “i”

Intermediate nodes

These include devices like routers and switches that help direct data to the correct destination while also receiving it. They don't originate or terminate data but instead pass it along to where it needs to go.

IoT nodes

loT (Internet of Things) Nodes serve as devices that establish connectivity to the Internet via a gateway, effectively enabling the integration of the physical world into the vast realm of the Internet. Within an loT ecosystem, these nodes function as crucial components for bridging the gap between the physical and virtual worlds. Taking charge of managing the entire loT system.

We had seen this ability before vía King's icons' staff, in which it only sucked in Minecraft mobs due to the strong force being their obligatory origin, overriding the game itself due to the overlapping icons.

In regards to King, he used this ability for the very destruction of the game itself, down to the code, reducing it to nothing but.. nothing for the sake of vengeance. Or at least what would have occurred if he did succeed.

way to go CG! Give credit where it's due

Despite this being marked with the intention of erasion and minimization, I think it's safe to consider this as receiving and storing data. The two icons combined created a horrifically dramatized version of the force with storing and receiving, which created an incredibly overpowered demolishing force.

In Chosen, we had seen this ability before as well, as the constellations are seen right as he creates the gateway from the Outernet, which sounds awfully familiar. This is what you would refer to as an "extension to the digital world"

I think I can be able to safely consider this as direction and creation.

From how I see it, it seems as though it's quite diverse in a fictional worldbuilding sense within characters.

And obviously, it won't be the last time we would see it. It seems as though we would be exploring this quite a lot.

In their cameo, Node is in an assumed line-up with all the major series antagonists.

But if you’re asking me, it seems as though our iconic antagonists appear to be rather victims of Node. Menacingly behind them, their abilities floating not far behind as they're stuck in a swampy substance. But that's just me.

Node's entire antagonistic ordeal is beyond my grasp, but I'm assuming their abilities and attacks surrounds the embodiment of network topology, which would mold and diverse into the connections of nodes. They possibly intend to screw up with the gateways that are responsible for the receiving, directing, and sending of data between various devices through communication links that are defined as network—with the basic visuals of concept art we were given.

(The gateway, ethernet tunnels, the train cough cough)

Node's goal and story behind that destruction remains anonymous, as the writing is still in early development. Regardless, food for thought.

[mahou-furbies]

The more recent magical girl titles have made me think about the trends in the genre. Or more specifically in the henshin heroine/magical girl warrior sub-genre.

This is what the magical girl genre as I see it is built upon, stories aimed at girls where the heroines transform into a cute outfit and fight monsters. And if a character in a non-mg work is a fan of an in-universe magical girl show, this is usually what is referenced (rather than the cute witch or magical idol type). Lately there has been very few new IPs like these aimed at a younger audience; a ton of older hits are getting some kind of reboots or sequels, but outside Precure there aren't that many new titles. And the Precure seasons of course are a part of the franchise instead of something totally new.

When Madoka came along it caused a wave of other darker magical girl titles, with their premise being some variation of "what if the stories from the previous group were edgy?". And, contrary to what detractors say, they mostly have something new to offer and aren't just Madoka clones, though I think it's obvious that Madoka's success is what led to the creation of so many of them.

I feel that the golden age of the edgy magical girls has also passed, and now the new works like these are generally a part of an existing franchise (namely Madoka), and the new magical girl shows aimed at an older audience tend to be parody types, like MahoAko, Magical Girl Destroyers or Machikado Mazoku. Or the parodies have been there all along, but nowadays they're more prominent when there's not many of the more straightforward stories around. In general otaku media experiments with genre elements a lot (seriously look at all the isekai premises for example), so these genre-aware works are par for the course.

What feels fresh is the increasing amount of magical girl titles aimed at a younger/non-otaku audience that are more genre aware and have characters who know what a magical girl is and have expectations on what they should be like, or at least expect the audience to. Here we have MahoAku (a fluffy comedy of how the magical girl and the evil officer are in love), Magilumiere (magical girl is a regular job for adults in this universe), Acro Trip (the main character is a normie and a magical girl fan) or Mahou Shoujo Dandelion, which inspired this post in the first place (a manga where one of the monsters is friends (family?) with the magical girl).

Here's to hoping for more popularity for these! While I would very much like for more new magical girl stories with a more straightforward premise, I also welcome any variety with open arms. Especially when Precure as pretty much the only other player in the game of non-reboot non-otaku magical girl anime IPs is so categorically opposed to doing anything new with its story.

[elspethdekarios]

Gale as an archmage

I've been thinking about this for a while. If you select Gale as an origin character in the character creator and play his intro, he introduces himself as Gale of Waterdeep™ he immediately follows with "please - no need to be intimidated."

Now I think we initially brush this statement off as Gale being full of himself, but the first time you talk to him and ask him to tell you about himself, there's an option to say something like "Come on, you must have stories from your time as archmage."

And I've always wondered - how would tav know this? Gale hasn't mentioned it. Which leads me to my research question:

Is Gale famous?

Not Elminster-famous, of course, but is he THE archmage of Waterdeep, known throughout the Realms? Is Gale of Waterdeep a legitimate title, not just one he decided to use because it sounds important?

Maybe all of this is common knowledge in DnD lore, but it's a fairly new world to me. Here's what I found about archmages:

From the Forgotten Realms fandom wiki (https://forgottenrealms.fandom.com/wiki/Archmage):

Archmages were among the most powerful arcane spellcasters found throughout all of Faerûn. These practitioners of the Art were experts at manipulating and altering their spells, often in strange ways. Many cities across Faerûn had a single archmage who dedicated themselves to serve that settlement and its people. Some notable cities included Lyrabar in Impiltur, and the great western metropolis of Waterdeep. The term "archmage" was often used to refer to spellcasters who took on leadership roles among similarly-inclined practitioners of The Art. In the drow city of Menzoberranzan, the head of the arcane academy known as Sorcere was granted the title, Archmage of Menzoberranzan.

So, to summarize, archmages are super powerful, big cities often have a singular, dedicated archmage, and they take on leadership roles in the city, sometimes (or at least once) being deemed THE archmage of the city.

I've already seen posts about the insane amount of power held by archmages, so I'm not really going to go into that. I'm just interested in how well-known Gale would be in the Realms. One issue I'm running into while researching is that many people seem to approach the archmage in terms of DnD stats (spell levels, player levels, etc) rather than from a storytelling perspective.

I can't find much else specifically on how widely known archmages would be. There is a list of archmages on the Forgotten Realms wiki, but Gale isn't included on it. I'm assuming maybe BG3 lore is considered an off-shoot of FR lore and therefore not necessarily canon? Let me know if I'm wrong about this.

So that leaves me with message board responses. Here are some notable ones:

An old candlekeep.com forum on the differences between the titles used by magic users. Several users seem to agree with this person.

From the same thread as above.

Interestingly, DnD beyond has archmage categorized as a monster. I'm not sure if this applies only to evil-aligned mages or not, so anyone with more familiarity, feel free to chime in. Anyway, here's what DnD beyond says:

"Archmages are powerful (and usually quite old) spellcasters dedicated to the study of the arcane arts. Benevolent ones counsel kings and queens, while evil ones rule as tyrants and pursue lichdom. Those who are neither good nor evil sequester themselves in remote towers to practice their magic without interruption. An archmage typically has one or more apprentice mages, and an archmage's abode has numerous magical wards and guardians to discourage interlopers."

Gale does mention having students/apprentices at some point (he says something about being impatient with them if I remember correctly, but I can't remember when he actually says it), and, if he's Professor Gale in the epilogue, you're told that an apprentice delivered the invite to the party.

I also find it interesting that archmages typically have wards around their home to keep out intruders, implying that they're well-known enough to have people regularly trying to break into their home?? Or at least has happened enough times to warrant protection.

I also appreciate this reddit comment on a thread asking about the rarity of archmages:

This lead me to a super interesting reddit post which I really suggest you check out if you're interested. The OP breaks down the percentages of each class and level and translates that to city populations. I'm bad at math so that may be a horrible explanation. Anyway, here's a chart that they made:

I have been trying my hardest to put the alt text on the images for accessibility but I have no idea how that would work with this chart. I did include the text at the bottom for screen readers just in case. I'm sorry!

Sooooo someone in the comments asked specifically about Waterdeep and here's what someone who is good at math figured out! (They are correcting a previous comment with incorrect math, hence the first part of the comment):

Since a wizard is considered an archmage at level 18, it's safe to say that Gale would definitely be one of only a few wizards in Waterdeep with such a title. And if the above commenter's assumption about the Blackstaff being one of the only archmages in the city, Gale being of a similar level is HUGE, right? The Blackstaff is a big deal. From the Forgotten Realms wiki:

Blackstaff was the title and name given to the master of the eponymous staff and Blackstaff Tower, including Blackstaff Academy, as well as the Archmage of Waterdeep.

So if the Blackstaff is THE Archmage of Waterdeep, Gale, obviously, is not. But!!! If we can trust the math of the reddit users above, and we assume Gale was at least a level 19 wizard pre-orb/tadpole/whatever ... he would be one of two archmages in Waterdeep, second only to the Blackstaff themself.

I personally think that's enough renown to be a somewhat familiar name throughout Faerûn. So yes, Gale is a bit arrogant and, in his own words, pompous about being Gale of Waterdeep™ but perhaps it's warranted.

This has been a deep dive fueled by procrastination about writing the research papers I should actually be writing right now. Thank you for your time

[kalinara]

(X-Men Red #9)

So my tangent in this post suddenly reminded me of this scene.

On one hand, I'm suddenly really interested in the fact that Scott is okay with what Xavier's trying to do with/to Gabriel here, comparing it to an information download. Alex, on the other hand, thinks it's a repair job, making it sound a lot more like repairing Scott's brain damage through resurrection would be. That's something Scott has categorically refused over and over again.

It's very rare that I say this: but Alex is right here, and it's a fascinating point of hypocrisy for Scott.

But the real reason I hunted down this scan is the reveal that Emma, rather than Jean, is the one who tends to be involved in Scott's resurrections.

I know Alex says he's not "dissecting" that one. But I find it fascinating.

So in the other post, I was thinking about the general lack of sexual jealousy that Scott tends to display, even in the midst of multiple love triangles. Even when Emma admits to having slept with other men. His one moment of territorialism ("they don't know you, not like I do") is emotional, rather than sexual.

It's interesting to relate that idea to what we see of their respective dynamics in Krakoa. It's never clear to me whether Scott and Emma actually sleep together in Krakoa. It definitely could have happened, I think. They've exchanged some flirty comments, at the very least.

But I feel like, ultimately, the real draw of their relationship to one another is emotional more than sexual. (Which doesn't mean they weren't banging! They don't necessarily have to be, though.) And that part has definitely held true. I think about the time when Scott and Jean have their little mini-coup in Swords of X. The most morally upright members of the Council all immediately volunteered to abdicate their positions and go with them. That wasn't surprising.

What WAS a bit surprising was when Emma offered to come too. She'd already put so much work into the Council, and honestly, a LOT of Krakoa's successes in terms of PR as well as economics pretty much came from her direction. The Autumn Council had loftier concerns. The Supervillain table was busy snarking and scheming. The hero table was busy disapproving and spreading themselves too thin. And even at her own table, Shaw was a hinderance more than a help, while Kate was more rebellious minded: a good guerilla rescuer, but not a politician.

So the fact that she was willing to give that up in that moment was significant. As was the fact that Scott immediately understood what she was offering and just as significantly let her off the hook. Because what she was doing and the work she was doing was significant.

And it makes a strange kind of sense that Emma's the one who is involved with his resurrections.

I mean, for one thing, I'm not sure Jean has ever done a resurrection before. I keep thinking I remember her doing one, but then I look back and it's actually Hope. (The problem when your f!sem daughter looks exactly like her "dad". Tangent: I still think that's how Rachel should finally come into 616 proper - let Jean knock up Scott. I feel like he'd be willing.)

It's interesting that Jean doesn't resurrect people though. It seems like she should have the skillset, being an Omega level telepath and all. But then, Quentin Quire doesn't resurrect people, either. Maybe that kind of restoration requires a subtler touch when they're like a sledgehammer.

And well, Jean might not be embracing the Phoenix at this time, there is the fact that she historically has never responded well to Scott being injured or dead. Even without the full space god powers, she could do a lot of damage if she's upset enough.

For all that it's Scott and Jean first and foremost for me, I do think sometimes he puts on a role for her. Like, even now, when you read the Phoenix: they talk about what she's doing while he volunteers very little beyond maybe a wistful question about timetables. Does she even know he's restarted the X-Men? Does she still think he's hanging about in his parents' cabin, recuperating?

She might know! But it says something, I think, that it's equally as plausible that she has no idea and will get extremely irked when she finds out.

I think he's more comfortable going mask off with Emma. So to speak. He finds it easier to express darker emotions and be more raw. Jean is the only one that can judge him while Emma won't ever judge because she accepts her own dark side and his.

...there's an interesting gender swap element with this. This is not an Archie with Betty vs. Veronica dynamic so much as it's one of those YA urban fantasy romance books again. Heh.

What I like about this though is that it's not a matter of one relationship being better than the other. They're just different. Emma likely would have been welcome on the Moon, but I think she'd take one look at that comfortable domesticity and run away screaming. That's never been something she's wanted.

And the decor is so pedestrian, darling.

But that's what makes it work. Scott and Jean are deeply in love, first in their hearts, wanting that life together - whatever that means, with their family (whoever's still alive), their kids (no matter how old they are or whatever dimension they come from), and everything else.

And even though Jean's off doing Space God things right now, there's no doubt that she'll be coming home eventually. And in the mean time, he's made her a "home" to take with her. Utterly unnecessary, given her powers, but comfortable and human.

Scott and Emma are partners. They understand each other on a soul deep level. They don't really make each other better, but they're always good at shoring each other up, being the ballast that the other needs to stand up and move forward.

At the same time, they live in different worlds. Scott would be miserable in her penthouse. He's not particularly suited to running a school that ISN'T also a garrison and we've never really seen him even try to actually teach. She's never wanted to be even step-mom to any of the Nathans or Rachel. She's got her own set of daughters, thank you very much, with their own complications. She hardly needs his.

So that's what makes the Krakoan polyamory work so well, because when it comes down to it, there's nothing really incompatible about these relationships. Jean and Emma aren't looking for the same thing from Scott. Well, I think they'd both enjoy having him tied to their bed, but they can figure out a schedule for that. Otherwise, the only obstacle to these relationships co-existing is the idea that you can only have a deep and meaningful non-platonic relationship with one person.

And Jean and Emma seem to appreciate that too, because aside from a snarky aside or two that involved both laughing, we don't actually see any jealousy from either of the women as well. They seem to have realized that since they both want different things, they've got no reason to compete.

I'd like to think they also bang. It'd be fun. Domme vs. Domme, go!

It does occur to me, yet again, how much of a missed opportunity the Throuple is.

I mean, I never expected much from the Scott/Logan end beyond the little scenes and hints that we did get. (More than I honestly expected, less than I'd like.) It always seemed pretty clear that they were slipping it past the radar and Marvel's cold feet wasn't surprising. I can write up something based on how they see them, but it's based on fannish interpretation, not established canon.

But I'm deeply disappointed at the wasted opportunity that is the Jean/Logan side of the Throuple.

Because this was the chance to FINALLY tell us what these characters see in each other and what they get from each other, and what an established relationship actually looks like between these two characters and we've got NOTHING.

These two characters were in the same book for a WHILE. Logan has a solo running simultaneously. There was room SOMEWHERE to establish what Jean and Logan as a couple actually look like. But all we get is one sex scene in the hot springs. And maybe that time where she telepathically supports him in X Lives of Wolverine, but she'd have done that even if they weren't together!

But it really seemed like the folks at Marvel were too enamored with lone cowboy Wolverine. Which would have been great at ANY other time, but right now, on Krakoa, Logan's got what he's always dreamed of: a romantic relationship with Jean Grey!

And we see almost none of it! (He also has kids, alive on Krakoa, and has so little interaction with them that the point where Laura gives him a world's greatest dad mug in Sabretooth War seems like a passive aggressive dig. Did he even get to meet Talon?!).

Despite a canon romantic/sexual relationship, we still have very little idea of what this couple actually means to each other. The beats that I've picked up: Logan's attraction to "Jeannie", as a girl next door type that inspires him to be a better, more civilized person. That's been established really early on. But we still don't know what that MEANS.

Jean's always seemed drawn to his inner nobility and the sacrifices he makes (it's explicitly what draws her to him in the mini-series set during Fall of Krakoa, and I think it's pretty compatible with what we've seen before.) But is that enough for a relationship?

I can extrapolate a bit here. Theirs is a sort of weird courtly romance. They're both drawn to an ideal that the other represents. Which is not necessarily a bad thing, but to flesh that out into a real romance, we need to see it challenged. What does that MEAN?

We know Logan's not suited to domesticity. Jean doesn't really need that from him though since she's got a husband and children.

He is a very romantic figure though. In a way Scott hasn't been and could never be. If Scott ever had that tendency, it got carved away a long time ago. But Logan's survived amnesia and experiments and still goes strong.

I feel like you could do a lot with the idea of them as each other's oasis: kind of an escape from the pressures of their every day life, where they can just be romantic together - all the big gestures, the roses and champagne that's too civilized for him most of the time and too impractical for her.

...THAT's what I wanted to see from them. Sex in the hot springs is all well and good, but I wanted to see them with a candlelight dinner on the beach, enjoying those lovely, deep sensual moments that Logan would never find on his own, and would just bewilder the Scott Summers whose first impulse at finding himself with his wife at an isolated cabin was to suggest they clean it up.

But none of this is canon. It's as fannish as what I'd write up for Scott and Logan. Possibly more so, because at least Scott and Logan have had decades of their weird push-and-pull dynamic to fall back on. Jean spent a lot of that time dead!

The funny thing is, in the course of this post, I've finally discovered an interpretation of Jean/Logan that works for me, but I resent that it's my invention, when the folks at Marvel had a chance to sell us on a CANON interpretation but fumbled the ball entirely.

[utilitycaster]

Inspired actually by me nonstop thinking about the Young Witch Solving The Disappearance Of Her Neighbor's Cat In The Alps tweet since last night and a number of other unrelated posts I have been thinking about the concept of maturity in media, because I think there's a lot of different dimensions to that. It's a series of spectra, rather than a binary, and if you use the terms "mature" or "immature" you can quickly realize that a lot of our societal metrics for what's adult-appropriate vs. child appropriate are very skewed in specific and in my opinion untrue and unhelpful directions. This could honestly be a 10 page essay and I may very well write that when I'm on break but just to give you my outline here:

Stimulation - is it grabbing your attention with bright lights and loud sounds and fast action, or do you have to actively focus? Action films can be just as "jangly keys" as children's animation despite being an "adult" work, whereas something like Mad Men can have vivid colors but would bore a child to tears in terms of pace and action. However, and this will be an ongoing theme, you can have a very choppy, fast-paced narrative that is complex and a very slow and dull one that is incredibly simple and childish.

"Ratings" Subject Matter: Sex/Violence/Profanity. This is the one I think is most misleading, because you can have an incredibly puerile R-rated film, and you can have an immensely complex narrative without any of the above. [note: I have zero patience for people who act like sex and violence are inherently unnecessary wastes of time; they are merely things within a narrative that can be executed well or poorly, but it is true that something can have a simple plot and constant bright lights and stimulation and essentially be big old jingling mobile for infants but there's a sex scene in it so it's Adult Now. Unfortunately a lot of people are like "and this is why YA is inherently better" which we shall see is not the case.]

Other Difficult Subject Matter (I don't have a good name for it, but to give examples, death, racism, genocide, abuse, serious or chronic illness, etc). This one is tricky because all of the above are topics present in works for quite young children, because they can experience all the above or have someone close to them experience them, and fiction is a powerful teaching tool. Obviously the nature of how this is presented varies, and later points will cover it, but while in my opinion the simple presence of these topics says nothing about the work's level of maturity on its own I'm including it because you do get people who think that children should be shielded from all the above and would consider the mere inclusion of those topics as inappropriate. They're wrong, but it's definitely an axis of judgement/categorization that exists.

Adult-level processing of information (probably a misnomer in that teens can do this but like, teens read adult books all the time, and as Tumblr has shown us, many adults cannot do this): does the narrative require you be able to pick up on subtext? Do you need to understand what is relevant to the story and what isn't? Do you need to be comfortable with or at least able to tolerate not knowing entirely what is going on right away? Do you need to have a sense of irony? Is there an unreliable narrator?

Adult-level processing of moral complexity (in my limited, not a parent or educator experience, I honestly think teens do better with the information processing than this, ie, this is one of the last things to develop; also Tumblr is even worse): does the narrative require you accept that sometimes things are unfair and will never be fair? Do you need to accept a story in which the Quote Unquote Bad Guys walk free without real consequence? Do you need to accept a story in which no one's actions are entirely defensible or in which no choices are easy and clean and harmless? Do you need to attempt to understand an alien perspective? Is there senseless tragedy? This incidentally is how you separate out the children's books from the adult books on topics like illness or catastrophic events; a lot of children's books end with a message of "it's hard and sad, but it will be okay eventually" and focus on very relatable POV characters which is understandable! But, to use an example as someone who went to a Jewish school with a robust Holocaust education, elementary schoolers read Number the Stars in which the (entirely fictional) Jewish family escapes to Sweden; middle schoolers read Night in which Wiesel's (real) father dies painfully in front of him.

None of this is to say that escapism/cozy fiction/whatever you want to call it is bad - I am not interested in a diet entirely made of thorny moral quandaries and no happy endings. I enjoy a stupid turn off your brain action movie, or a fluffy romantasy. But I do think that a demand that every ending be happy and that Justice Be Served in every story is no less immature than saying "ew, there's kissing in this???"

[prettyboykatsuki-moved]

even tho you dk him yet,, caleb 🙂‍↕️

here we go pre-emptive sex taste typology with mr siscon yan cyborg

also no direct incest but just assume its implied w him which is why i tag w psuedocest

disclaimer for all that with the exception of zayne i really only barely know these men. at least im only semi-confident (read: barely) in writing for them. that is part of the fun.

of them, i know the least about caleb aside from what ive absorbed via osmosis. and sylus

my opinion of this guys sexual preferences is very mixed fyi. i havent met him and have not spoiled the story for myself yet so . you know.

none of this is meant to be accurate DSJFHJKSD !!!!!!

to me he feels like a service top. if he were like normaler i would categorize him a very giving lover in general but he's got soooo many issues. still, i dont think this part of him really goes away KJDSHKJD. i just don't think he is kind about being one later on if u will ?

you're usually the one getting pleasured and doing the receiving but it's not out magnanimity but more like he is trying to prove a point to you by manipulating your body. id substantiate a guess that his desire from control comes form other fear of not wanting to lose u like most of the other men in the game lol

for kinks.........maybe sensory deprivation like blindfolding and corporal punishment but not so much it borders into complete sadism. a fan of spanking. also i do not go here so this is said rather unbiased but i think that man has a somewhat subconscious breeding kink perhaps.

though its less in how i think like. another character would have it and more in the effort to corrupt the idea of family you have between you. something something him cumming in you while you refer to him as gege etc. but he also just seems like he'd want to go bareback at all times even in a vanilla like... actual older brother context. again i do not rlly having a breeding kink. game just recognizes game.

he's in general obsessed with marking you in some manner or fashion for exactly the reason you think but i think just manifests w breeding yk.

hm. probably also likes being fully clothed while your naked. vulnerability, control, complete access etc.

i think he gets off on embarrassing you and probably has since you were a lot younger but it becomes very ugly later on lol. once again if he were normaler i think it'd just be him like...making you beg for it in bed but its much weirder now. enjoys putting his thumb in your mouth for a weird reason as well

likes inspection maybe. thats really just me guessing though. based on vibes.

i think for now this is all i have got. i dont know this man so until i learn his character motivations this as much as i can cook for you guys. if u can without spoiling tell me my accuracy rate that would v funny

[ipso-faculty]

Infinity symbols: a guide to their variations

Infinity symbols are popular in graphic design for good reason. In this post, I'm gonna describe ways to vary up the designs of infinity symbols. My goal is to educate fellow neurodivergent people on how to make infinity symbols that don't look like the Métis flag.

The neurodiversity community has been using rainbow infinity symbols since 2005. Here are neurodiversity flags from 2013, 2016, and 2019:

However, there's a problem with some of the new flag designs for a flag that is autism-specific. Here are some of the contenders:

These use a solid white infinity symbol. The solid white infinity curve is a symbol of Métis.

The Métis flag, created in 1815, has a white lemniscate on red background. Nowadays the Métis use the blue version more often. And to the right is the Métis queer pride flag:

For those unfamiliar, the Métis are one of the major Indigenous groups in what is now Canada, with most of their >600,000 population in the western and central parts of the country. The word métis means half-breed in French; lower-case m métis refers to those with mixed Indigenous and European ancestry. Capital-M Métis refers to the specific culture of métis that emerged, distinct from both Indigenous and settler cultures, and speaking hybrid languages such as Michif.

The issue of likeness has been brought up many times. While I can believe the autistic flag makers didn't know about the issue when making their designs, I know at least one of them was promptly informed of the issue and dismissed it.

The autistic community writ large has been pretty dismissive about this issue. I wonder if some of the defensiveness comes from not seeing an alternative - thinking that infinity symbol design is all or nothing.

I have some good news: it's possible to make infinity symbols that don't look Métis!

HOW INFINITY SYMBOLS VARY (PART ONE)

ASPECT A: TOPOLOGY

The first way we can categorize infinity symbols is their topology. These four varieties are most common

Topology 1: Open infinity symbol - this is the oldest style of using a figure-8 shape to represent the mathematical concept of infinity. On the left is the version Euler used.

-

Topology 2: Lemniscate - a closed curve. On the left is the Metis flag. The curve is one solid entity: notice how the rainbow gradient on the right fills the whole thing.

-

Topology 3: Infinity *loop* -  imagine you take a hair tie or rubber band and twist it. One part of the infinity loop is clearly in front, with another part clearly behind it. Loops are well established for neurodiversity and I think we should stick to using these.

Notice in the left example how the pattern flips between left and right. Also compare the rainbow gradient on the right to the lemniscate rainbow gradient above it. -

Topology 4: Infinity *ribbon* -  instead of a hair tie, use a ribbon. Ribbons have sides, producing an infinity loop that shows two sides.

-

ASPECT B: THICKNESS

Line width can vary, which also helps to convey a loop! Again, I think we should be sticking to infinity loops when it comes to autistic/ND designs.

Option 1: Constant Thickness The lemniscate on the Metis flag has a constant line width, as does this neurodiversity rainbow gradient from 2016. I think we should avoid constant thickness.

-

Option 2: Variable Thickness A variable thickness can help to reinforce that an infinity symbol is a loop rather than a solid lemniscate. There are a lot of ways to play with line thickness!

Many neurodiversity infinities are variable thickness and I think we should opt for this to steer clear of Metis territory.

THIS WILL BE CONTINUED IN A SECOND POST (tumblr has a limit of 30 images per post)

But just in case the second post gets lost in reblogs: I think variable thickness, combined with a loop topology, is what we should be using for neurodiversity & autism. E.g.

CONTINUED IN NEXT POST

[starletdawn]

friends with benefits

You and Patrick are friends with benefits but what happens when he starts wanting you as his own.

You and Patrick have been friends for quite a few years now and there’s no doubt you two felt attraction to each other. For a long time you two only categorizes this feeling as just lust. Both of you guys had agreed to hookup without being in a committed relationship. Most recently Patrick started seeing you differently. You were only available to meet up with him on Saturday nights. Patrick being the horny man he is would hooks up with different women throughout the entire week. Yet for the last couple of weeks he has only been seeing you. He feels as if he’s being disloyal to you he has never felt like that for someone before. It was like any Sunday morning waking up on Patrick’s bed. You stare at him as he’s still asleep. His a toned body,the way his messy hair fell on his face, his sharp jawline (A: he mews at least 2 hours per day). You were mesmerized by his beauty you wanted him all to yourself. He slowly starts opening his eyes and turns to you. “Good morning” he says yawning softly staring into your eyes. “Good morning” you say back This was usually your cue that you had to leave already. You slowly get up from bed when his hand wraps around your waist.

“You wouldn’t mind staying longer here?” He suggests “I can’t do anymore rounds, my body is exhausted Patrick” you respond. He was very rough in bed your legs were still sore from last night.

“No, not like that” he chuckles “I simply want your company” “Sure” you say still shocked of Patrick’s new behavior. He pulls you back into his bed softly his hand still on your waist. He slowly moves you closer until you were both cuddling each other.You couldn’t be happier to be in Patrick’s arms. He didn’t really do aftercare so it came to a surprise when he was checking up on you.

“You said your body was exhausted, did I go on for to long last night?” He questions.

“Well yes but honestly It was very pleasurable and I loved every moment of it.”`You chuckle “Great that’s all I want” he says he gently tilts your chin to make you look at him “I don’t ever want to hurt you okay?” You could hear the genuine care in his voice. you couldn’t believe Patrick Bateman out of all people was showing concern for you. He slowly opens his drawer taking out a small white box. “I got you a gift”He grins “Really?” You question thinking you must misheard something. He nods you can’t help but smile. “Close your eyes.” He whispers into your ear with a husky voice his hot breath on your neck. “Also sit up for darling.” You do so you feel his hands on your neck After a few minutes you hear him say “Now open them.” You open your eyes seeing a precious Vivienne Westwood white pearl necklace hanging on your neck. “thank you” you say softly “but I can’t take this” You knew Patrick was insanely wealthy and this was nothing to him but you still felt guilty taking something so luxurious and glamorous. “No,take it I bought with you in mind it” he says “you’re worth every cent in my pocket and so much more. If you ever need help in anything at all financial issues, you need errands done, or just need company count on me okay?” He says his dark brown eyes staring into your eyes he looked at you so tenderly and lovingly. You swore his pupils were turning into hearts you felt something so different so warm,so alive, so loved. He slowly leans in to your lips pressing in a kiss. There was no lust or hunger behind that kiss. It was a rather gentle loving kiss.He slowly pulls away with a smile admiring your beautiful face. He caress your cheek. “Would you like to spend the day with me?” He says softly “we can go get breakfast and go shopping,It honestly doesn’t matter I just to be around you.” “i would love to” you grin he gets up from the bed and slowly picks you up carrying you like a bride. You can’t help but giggle. He softly kisses your forehead “I love you” he whispers “I Love you too dear” you say

Hey guys not to sound like Wikipedia or desperate YouTuber i would really appreciate a follow!! I’m trying to grow my account. Thank you for all the likes!!

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

On the topic of EAH and Twst I can't help but think about how it would translate to the rivalry between NRC and Royal Sword Academy. Like, there would be a whole school for the heros and another for the villains. I wonder if it would also make the general population see the NRC students as evil and murderers or something

[Referencing this post and this post!]

I guess that might be including elements of The School for Good and Evil then? Those tack on a lot more social discrimination based on what your role is labelled (either “good” or “bad”). Raven Queen in EAH does experience ostracism from her classmates due to her mother’s legacy, but plenty of people in the main cast treat her like a normal classmate rather than someone to be wary of. In SFGAE (and even Disney’s own Descendants), there is a lot more overt hatred and discrimination of those deemed villains.

The concept of separate schools could mess with the roster of NRC students by separating unclear villain characters or non-villain characters out. For example, Kalim, Rook, and Silver are “good” characters. Jack has no clear inspiration, so he isn’t exactly a “bad” wolf unless you specifically assign him a destiny as one (such as the Big Bad Wolf). It could also be argued that “minion” characters like the card soldiers aren’t truly “bad” because they’re operating under an even greater evil. Strict categorizing and sorting into schools based on that might be more difficult than you’d think. I think I’d at least want one campus as a shared space for everyone to interact.

I think it how the public perceives the students would differ based on the severity of the destiny, honestly. Some might think of them as murderers but others might just assume they’re spiteful or unpleasant (or will be someday). If you’re fated to kill someone then surely you’d get more harsh judgment than someone who… I dunno, stole some tarts. In any case, the bulk of it wouldn’t be anything positive. I feel like that’d create this environment where the average NRC student feels like they have to fend for themselves (since the public sure isn’t supporting them), which leads into them coming across as independent and arrogant, which only goes on to confirm people’s preconceived notions of them, etc. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, and that’s something else they have to break free from.

[kestalsblog]

Tips for Writing Characters in Recovery from Addiction

I've encountered several portrayals of characters in recovery from addiction, both in fanfiction and published writing, that are clearly somewhat under-researched or leaning into stereotypes. Additionally, writing advice posts on the subject often feel detached and cite statistics rather than express humanity.

As a result, I decided to put together what I believe to be some characteristics and shared experiences of people in recovery that aren't just about withdrawal and might be less familiar to the general public. Perhaps they can be useful to writers aiming to write thoughtful and accurate portrayals of characters in similar situations.

Please note, of course, that both addiction and recovery are very unique, personalized experiences, so no one list will ever apply 100% to a single person—fictional or real.

Dreams of relapse. I personally experience these dreams at least 4-5 times a month, and they're unlike any other other dreams I have because they're so vivid and lifelike that I wake from them completely convinced for a moment that I did, in fact, relapse. These dreams do NOT mean you want to relapse. In fact, they are often a sign of extreme fear of relapse. The possibility of it is so nightmarish that your mind can only translate it into a literal night terror.

Adding to the previous point, the fear of relapse is seriously underestimated. Some people assume recovered addicts are always thinking about relapsing in a tempting way, but lots of these thoughts stem from the absolute, paralyzing terror of the past repeating itself—not an alluring urge to return to it.

Paranoia that everyone is looking at you thinking "they know the truth about my past. They know I was an addict." These beliefs are, of course, unfounded.

Constantly categorizing everything as "before addiction," "during addiction," and "after addiction." Even something as simple as looking at photographs can elicit thoughts like, "I was so happy in this picture. I had no idea what was coming for me in six months."

Counting recovery days nonstop to the point that it can even become debilitating. Your sense of time is forever altered because you're always trying to "catch up" on all the time you "wasted."

If people know, they will constantly make snide or condescending remarks, no matter how far along in recovery you are. "An addict is always an addict." "Well, I can see you're doing better than you used to be!" "I would never do something like that."

People will relentlessly assume you are less intelligent and talk to you like you're a child, especially if you're in the early stages of recovery.

Everyone knows addicts lose friends and/or family, and sometimes for good reasons, but the sheer number of people who leave for no apparent reason when you're actively trying to get better is surprising. The stigma surrounding addiction is so intensely negative that most people don't even want to be tangentially associated with it.

Addicts and recovered addicts are fetishized in unexpected ways— sometimes because of the obviously sickly appearance, the assumption that they will do anything to feed their addiction, the false belief that they are "fun" or "exciting," or maybe even that they just seem pathetic. Random people in public will approach you and straight-up ask for the most disrespectful sexual acts you can imagine. (After my addiction became common knowledge, people I thought were good people suddenly started trying like mad to sleep with me and then ditched me entirely. That's probably one of the most painful learning moments I had).

Physical symptoms can appear months, even years, after recovery starts. I know some who have noticed their hands suddenly becoming shakier, their hair thinner, and unusual chest pains.

You often become so angry and guilty with your past self that it prevents you from seeing how extraordinary your progress really is.

You start to realize how far you've come and how liberated you are in the smallest of moments. One of the greatest accomplishments of mine was realizing one morning when I woke up that the last thought I'd had before going to bed had not been about my addiction. Throughout my entire years of addiction, it was literally always the first thing on my mind when I woke up, even if it was just getting up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. It was the last thing I thought of every single night before I fell asleep.

Speaking of sleep, a full night's sleep! Full meals! Not feeling sick 100% of the time. At first, it's almost like growing into a new body.

Your memory is not the same as before, whether you remember too much or there are big dark patches in your mind.

The appreciation. As difficult and painful as it is, a world in recovery is also so often a world of supreme beauty. You pay attention to life's details in ways you never could have imagined before. Things assume a gentle sincerity and sensitivity they never had previously.

Relapse does not always even happen. Some people quit and never look back. I decided to change my life in every way in February 2021 and spent all of that March relapsing. By April 1, I was ready and never went back once.

Addicts are always deemed selfish and narcissistic, even recovered addicts. Sometimes, ironically, recovery leads to increased empathy. It can take reaching a low point to understand another person's low point.

Recovery can be quiet. It's not always over-the-top constant relapses, breakdowns, etc. Sometimes it's just very private and silent attempts to make your life better.

Finally, a point I would like to emphasize is that addiction is a lonely, isolating experience, but often recovery is too. Yes, you can have rehab (if you're lucky to get into a good one), and, yes ,you might have a group or loved ones who help you (I hope). But every reason behind addiction and what you're actually addicted to is so individualized that no one will ever wholly share your experience. Finding a community can be challenging.

But, despite it all, recovery is a unique, beautiful, enlightening experience. If I were given the choice to go back and make it so I'd never had any of it happen, I would choose that option in a heartbeat. Still, I know in the depths of my soul, I'd be trading away some of the most raw, vulnerable, and profound lessons of my life in favor of blissful ignorance.

Above all else, I hope if you write a character in recovery, you try to portray them as you would anyone else—a nuanced and interesting human being 🫶

[ronearoundblindly]

Ari- Baby is sick for the first time

Ari Levinson x best friend!reader (now fiancé)

New Parent Panic, a Bedrock and Blueprints tale

Warnings for protective!Ari, Ari not communicating, you doing the same, and then everyone gets their shit together and it's fluff. WC 2k *Off in the distance an ol' timey man pops up: "An argument, you say? You wrote an argument?? How different from your usual!!" Ha-ha. Yeah. We get it. Ro's the same hoe as last year... **I am not a mother. I know what would reasonably be categorized as zilch about babies. I have, however, seen this overwhelmed and guilty behavior from several of my peeps as they raise their youngins, so that's good enough for me. You're doing fine. I promise.

Sure, there was the rather severe diaper rash incident, and the time when nursing her turned your nipples into raw portals for a newly-discovered circle of hell, but nothing could have prepared you for this day.

Rachel was...meh this morning when Ari left for work. A little whiny, not sleeping well, but she's an infant; that's not new. Overall, she's actually been a very straight-forward baby.

And then you don't know what happened.

You napped very hard until noon (after only a moderately successful feeding) and by then Rach had a fever.

You called the nurses' hotline. You gave her the dose of baby meds. You're trying to keep her hydrated, at least, if she can't be happy right now. You just have to stay vigilant and wait it out.

But that's not easy.

She's crying and won't sleep, she'll barely eat, and you don't have a separate car. You only want to call Ari if it's to say "we need to take her to a doctor." You're not there yet.

So you do the shittiest feeling thing you can think of, the most painful thing, and you wait.

You don't sleep. You barely eat. You take Rachel's temperature like you are monitoring the possible meltdown of a nuclear reactor. One wiggle of a degree in the wrong direction, and that Bat Signal is going on.

I can do this, you tell yourself. I've wanted to be a mom for a long time, so I can do this.

Except you don't sleep and barely eat.

Ari arrives home precisely when he said he would, the exact number of minutes (after work shuts down for the day) that it takes to drive to the house, predictable, dependable, and utterly useless when he opens the door and asks "why is she crying?"

"Because she hates me," you blubber, holding her to your chest, arms cramped from cradling her for so many hours at this point.

"She need meds?"

Of course, I gave her the fucking meds.

"Hungry?"

No, asshole, I purposefully starved your fucking child for my own amusement.

"Calm down," Ari snips back. "I'm just trying to help."

Well then fucking help me!

By now, you likely look as if you're in a war zone: disheveled, manic, and possibly--definitely--hostile.

"Okay, okay, let me just take a piss and then I'll hold her."

"Yeah, of course. Whatever you want. Whatever you need." You turn your back to him before grumbling, "not like I haven't had to hold it all afternoon..."

Ari's still-booted feet land heavily beside you again. "Then I'll take her now," he grits through clenched teeth, "and you can use the bathroom."

"No. I already have her."

"Fine. I'll be right back."

"Take your time."

The way you lace the words with a sickly sweet melody has Ari spinning on a heel and staring at you through his long eyelashes, a tick in his jaw stopping him from saying something he might regret.

"Kid," he finally sighs, "just tell me what you want me to do, and I'll do it."

He runs a hand over his beard while he waits for your answer. A few seconds later, his hip juts out, arms akimbo, and he bites his bottom lip expectantly.

You just walk off toward your phone on the kitchen counter and call the nurse hotline back.

"I swear, woman," he mutters as you leave, but you're glad he can't hear you sniffle back a sob.

It should be reassuring that the nurse has no new advice for what to do. You're doing everything correctly. You're doing all you can. Don't worry. Keep checking her temp and giving her whatever fluids she'll take. That's all for now.

It doesn't feel like enough. It doesn't feel like all a mother can do.

Ari? Ari waltzes up to the fridge and cracks himself open a beer.

You don't even have words, only flaming hot vibes that will melt his face like a Spielberg movie--you have got to stop watching movie marathons during late-night breast-feeding--if you stare hard enough at his casual blue gaze.

"So," he begins, "you figure out what I gotta do?"

What had been steady whimpering from Rachel has amplified into wails that bring tears to both hers and your eyes.

They just fall down your cheeks, and you wipe them from your chin before they can fall onto your screaming child.

Ari's judging frown makes your stomach turn while he steps closer, bends at the knees, and takes his little girl in hand.

Less than a minute later, Rachel stops, and you just cannot fucking handle it. The only quiet moment you've had in six and a half hours he gets to enjoy moments after coming home.

That's not fair. Cure fucking cancer already, Levinson, and save us the goddamn grief!

The tears and the tired are choking you.

Ari tells you to go freshen up in the bathroom, but that is the most horribly wrong way to say anything to you, ever, in a moment like this.

You stomp out the front door, rip open the sliding back door of the SUV, and crawl onto the cab floor. Once the latch clicks behind you, face buried in the blanket kept on Rachel's car seat, you scream.

You whimper and you cry and you get your fucking time to be angry at all your feelings today because it's bullshit.

You didn't take your own temperature. You didn't get rest and drink plenty of fluids. You didn't take any medicine. All you keep going over in your mind is whether or not you were sick first. Did you have something you gave to your daughter? Is this your fault?

So the tears and the choking continue for...as long as they take.

You don't know how much time has passed before the car door is yanked open again. Thank the stars you are facing away. You can't look at Ari right now.

"Is she okay?" you ask with a watery voice.

His big, warm hand rubs across your back, making you sink further into the upholstery.

"Took a few ounces of a bottle and went down in her bunk."

Ari likes to call Rachel a part of his 'squad,' so he talks to your infant daughter like they're going on 'missions' to the store or getting a bottle from the 'mess.' Your bedroom has thus become the 'barracks.'

Sometimes, he holds her sitting up against his chest and uses her feet to 'march' the pair of them across the house.

Left. Left. Left right left.

And almost always, there's a giggle, too.

"Up you go, kid," Ari huffs, maneuvering you into his arms.

"No," you whine, so tired you can't tell what it is you don't want.

He just keeps saying, "I know. I know," until he's carried you inside.

Instead of taking you to the couch or the bed, Ari sits you both down in the front hall, balancing you on his lap while he loosens his boot laces and finally kicks the sturdy shoes off, placing them on the mat a couple feet away.

He presses his lips to your temple, rough beard gently scrubbing over your eyelid and cheek.

"How many times I gotta tell ya to call me?" he whispers. He doesn't expect to have this same argument again, not like this, but his point still stands. "You know, you're warm, too."

If it's another question, you don't answer that either. You change the subject.

"Did you take her temp?"

He nods, and the number he tells you is the same as it was thirty minutes ago, or rather, thirty minutes before he came home.

Ari squeezes you tighter. "You want to get into bed, and I'll bring your some juice and meds, huh? Meet you in there?"

"I'm a bad mom," you breathe.

"What?" He pulls away, smacking his head on the wall behind him. "What are you talking about?"

How are there more tears left in your body? You should be nothing but a shriveled husk at this rate.

"Bullshit," he practically seethes. "Don't you ever say that again."

"I shouldn't have--"

"Stop."

"--you were--"

"Stop it," he blurts, firm and serious.

"But I'm the one who wanted this, Ari!" Your most powerful voice only comes out as high whisper. "Me. I wanted kids. This whole time. I bitched about how Joanna's done, and I thought I could just--" you swing an arm out dramatically "--and I suck at it. Rach even likes you better!"

"No, kid. She was exhausted. I only got here at the right time."

"It's 'cause your comfy and you smell good--"

"--not sure about that--"

"--and she loves you," you bemoan.

Ari snorts out a laugh.

"She loves you, too. You're her mom." He tucks you in closer, soothing you with petting hands wherever he can reach. "I love you. So much. So, so much."

He finds your hand and the sapphire ring he put on it, spinning it gently on your finger. He hasn't gotten to make good on his promise. Planning a wedding, even a small one, with a newborn is almost impossible, but that seems to be part of the problem.

Anything to do with you or you two feels selfish when there's three. Guilt grips you when you stop to daydream about your big day because it's not about Rachel. She's the most important thing. She will trump you forever as the single most--

"Can I tell you a secret?" Ari's timbre rattles close to your ear. "You're my favorite."

You slump into his chest until your forehead braces his throat.

"Almost not fair, really," he drawls. "You've got a decade of brownie points, and she's managed to make me buy more pads for her than I've had to for y--"

You pinch at his side harshly, biting back a smile, the salt from dried tears on your lips flooding your mouth.

"Oh! And you can control your bladder for a whole day, which is downright impressive wh--hey now--" Ari scuttles on the floor to evade your attack on his ribs. "I'm just...being...honest," he chuckles.

"You're a jerk is what you are, old man."

He easily grabs both your arms and pins them together in front of him.

"Yeah, but I'm your jerk. Your old man, kid. I'm yours, okay? You are not alone here. You don't have to know how to do everything by yourself." He lowers his voice as well as his face to yours. "And you mean just as much to me as that little girl in there. You hear me?"

There's a different lump of emotion lodged deep in your chest. You only nod because you can't speak.

He makes your foreheads meet.

"Please be okay. I could never do this without you. Any of it..."

That's when you realize what bothers you so much: Ari should need you to raise Rachel, but you never truly acknowledged you might need him to raise her, too.

This enormous weight of clutching every thread of life in your own two hands isn't real. You can share. You are meant to share your life with Ari. Ari is meant to share his life with you. Rachel shares life with you both, as she is meant to share with everyone around her. It's a lesson she has the opportunity to learn a lot younger than you, apparently.

He gets you to drink a whole bottle of water. He brings you some food and medicine while he handles some laundry and cleans out the day's bottles. He leads you with both hands to the bathroom, finally, and then gets you settled in bed.

As you fall asleep, you watch Ari take Rach's temperature again.

He lets out a silent cheer and holds his hand over her.

"High five?" he whispers. "No? It's fine. We'll work on that."

The last thing you see is Ari playfully lifting her from the basinet, sneaking out to the living room to enjoy a movie marathon, just for a little bit, snuggling together while he winds down for the night.

All that matters is she's safe and happy.

That, and of course, waking up in Ari's arms, listening to his slow breathing and Rachel's faster, baby huffs. You can handle anything because you made it through today and you have them.

[Ari's POV for this day]

[Main Masterlist; Ko-Fi]

@supraveng @1950schick @patzammit @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @yiiiikesmish @ashesofblackroses @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory @brandycranby @buckysprettybaby @ellethespaceunicorn @late-to-the-party-81 @rogersbarber @yenzys-lucky-charm

[rozaceous]

tcba epilogue, hakumari snippet

i love sasuke but he's given no quarter here, i'm so sorry lmao

Sasuke comes to claim his daughter, rolls his eyes at them after reassuring them that the other two girls are kept busy and won’t be running out to bother them, and wanders back towards the house, leaving Haku with Mariko on the dock of the pond.

Haku has never disliked Sasuke, but the past several years have given him a distinct appreciation for the man, and they’ve become something like friends. Things like this just cement Haku’s judgment.

Even if he had been enjoying holding a sleeping Ayase.

Mariko notices, naturally.

“She’ll be awake again in a couple hours and screaming for food, and will be appropriately cuddly after,” she says, grinning.

Haku clears his throat. “I wouldn’t want to impose.”

“What impose?” Mariko returns with an unconcerned flap of her hand. She leans back against him until she’s fully reclined, one knee bent and her head rested on his thigh, looking up at him. “You’re welcome here, if that wasn’t clear, and Sasuke might like holding babies more than anyone else I’ve ever met, but it’s not like getting a break from doing so for a few days is a hardship.” Her eyes narrow, though her easy smile doesn’t fade. “Didn’t know you liked holding babies so much, though.”

Haku tucks a piece of hair behind her ear, huffing a laugh. “They have universal charm, I should think. Also, they’re yours, how could I dislike them?”

“Easier than you might think,” she says wryly. She looks at him more deeply, gaze gone assessing, but the moment is so utterly without tension that Haku doesn’t think anything of it until she continues, “Asking super bluntly and kinda out of nowhere, so feel free to take your time answering, but are children something you want?”

The hand he’d had resting on her ribs goes momentarily tense before he catches himself. He’s not sure how he’s meant to take such a question.

“Are you—Mariko? What are you saying?”

“Do you want kids? A kid. With me.”

“With—” Haku doesn’t know how to properly consider the concept. “You have a family, Mariko,” he says slowly, carefully. “You and Sasuke.”

“Sasuke is my family and we have children together,” she agrees. “But I love you and am probably going to keep loving you for the rest of my life, and we have a relationship together, and if you want that relationship to include children, it can. At least, as far as I’m concerned.”

From the way her eyes dart momentarily to the side, Haku interprets the ‘as far as I’m concerned’ as her personal insecurity regarding whatever reservations he might hypothetically have to having children together, rather than Sasuke taking issue. Still, to be clear—

“Is this something you’ve discussed with Sasuke?”

Mariko makes a half-scowl. “Sasuke gets to tell me what to do with my uterus approximately never. I do whatever I want and he can fucking bite me if he doesn’t like it.” But her sudden vitriol subsides immediately. “That’s to say, no, we haven’t talked about it, because I haven’t given it much serious thought before now, but I really don’t think he’d mind. We’re already so deviated from the norm, what’s one more thing? Plus, he’d get to hold more babies, I really don’t think he’d care if the baby was his? Or we wouldn’t have Yasumi.”

‘Deviated from the norm’ is correct; Haku hasn’t forgotten the apparently spontaneous adoption of Sasuke and Mariko’s first child, as at the time it’d felt like taking a lightning jutsu to his worldview, which had categorized the pair as deeply entwined but not at all romantic. Their subsequent genetic children of Kouka and Ayase was a further, though expected, blow to that view, but Haku had—resigned himself isn’t the right phrasing. His relationship with Mariko has always been fraught in some way or another; they were never going to be able to have a straightforward romance ending in marriage and a shared household. Haku has, thus, always been determined to make the most of what he does have with Mariko. He’s not interested in others; his interest is singular, and he can’t imagine anyone else commanding that interest to the same degree. His and Mariko’s circumstances and choices have simply precluded them from consistent closeness.

But this is—Haku has taken Sasuke as a particularly unjealous lover all this time. Yet surely no lover is so unjealous as to welcome another man’s children? But then why does Mariko seem so confident in her assessment?

Moreover, while Haku agrees that Mariko is the only person to determine her own actions and bodily autonomy—and woe betide the person who thought to tell her otherwise, indeed—it’s one thing to say that she does as she pleases, and another to willfully and incontrovertibly upset the dynamic of an established family and partnership.

And there are so many other considerations. Where would the child grow up? Haku has a hard time leaving Mist even for these few weeks, but the new, sudden thought of being estranged from his own child is less tolerable than even the distance between he and Mariko. But would he really have them raised in Mist, and become shinobi, part of the very system Mariko has worked to eradicate? And would he want to chance passing down his bloodline when he’s the last holder of the Ice Release? Could he put that burden on a child? Certainly, too, they wouldn’t have the Yuki name since he’d never taken it up himself, but it’s almost comically ridiculous to imagine a child of his bearing the name Uchiha. Yet how could they have a sense of ancestry and belonging without it?

Mariko presses a finger between his eyebrows; he realizes he’s started to frown.

“Not that you shouldn’t think hard about it,” she says gently, “but there’s no rush. Take your time. We’ll figure it out, however and whatever we want.”

The rush of affection he feels in response isn’t surprising, just an affirmation of his choices. Haku clasps her hand.

Mariko turns more humorous, her usual method of lightening a too-heavy mood. “I’m not doing another pregnancy for another year at earliest. Probably two or three years would be better, since I actually think I had Kouka and Ayase too close together. Like, between iryouninjutsu and basically turkey basting myself, physically I’ve done fantastic with such a short turnaround, but another baby too soon is too many babies being babies or toddlers at the same time and I do not have the stamina—”

She continues in this vein for another minute or so before Haku voices a lingering point of confusion.

“Turkey basted yourself?”

Mariko freezes. “Um. So like, I’m fine with you knowing, but maybe don’t say anything to anyone else, but, uh. Sasuke and I didn’t conceive Kouka and Ayase in the, uh, usual manner.”

Haku thinks forebodingly of her senpai’s history with human experimentation. “Mariko—”

“I just mean we didn’t have sex!” she blurts out in a panic, no doubt correctly reading whatever is in his expression. “It’s not anything freaky like I can tell you’re thinking! I worded that so bad, I’m sorry!”

Haku blinks. “You…didn’t have sex?”

Mariko gives him a put-upon look. He mercilessly waits for an answer.

“He ejaculated into a cup and I shoved the semen up my vag,” she says bluntly. “I knew I was ovulating so the egg fertilized both times, no need for a redo, but yeah. No sex.”

He tries to wrap his mind around this information. “Were you…having difficulty conceiving?”

He can’t really believe that’s the case. Mariko has enough skill as an iryouninja, and enough know-how, to facilitate a pregnancy without resorting to—this.

Mariko’s eyes narrow, then widen. “Haku,” she says, in the tone of someone who’s about to forcibly shift another’s paradigms, “Sasuke and I don’t have sex. At all. I’m sorry I let you assume otherwise, but it never seemed like it mattered to you? And everyone thinks we’re having sex, and we just never bother to correct them because it’s not anyone else’s business what we do or don’t do, and so I don’t even think to correct anyone. But I should’ve—” she clears her throat “—I should’ve told you. Explicitly. Before now. I’m really sorry. I honestly thought you didn’t care, but I guess that sounds like a poor excuse now that I’m saying it out loud.”

Haku looks down at their joined hands, which Mariko’s lightly squeezed. He thinks his entire brain has slowed. He feels rather like he did the time that he stayed awake for three days straight following a mudslide two years ago, too direly needed during the emergency to have time to sleep until he’d gotten so dazed that his sentences had ceased to cohere.

“You’ve never had sex with Sasuke?” he asks, slow, because even in interrogative form the words don’t seem right.

Mariko bites her lip. Haku stares.

“You can never tell,” she says finally, intensely. “Ever. You can’t even let on that you might suspect. But I haven’t said anything this whole time and now that I have the opportunity to tell someone, I think I’m going to explode if I don’t, holy shit. So.” Mariko’s eyes shift around, and Haku even feels the brush of jutsu as she ascertains that no one is within listening distance. “Look, in general, Sasuke’s feelings about sex can be summed up as ‘gross’ and ‘for other people,’ but it’s not like he doesn’t know that we’ve had sex. And if Sasuke was curious enough to give it a go, I was hardly going to say no, I love the guy and my eyes work, okay? So the one time Sasuke and I tried to have sex—well, I already used the word tried. Please understand what I’m saying.”