#but playing it for laughs every time when it's born from the severe abuse she's suffered from her parents is

[nightmareonpeachstreet]

I reeeeaaaallly really like Brave Bernadetta....finally they didn't do my beloved Bernie dirty....

[inkmonster21]

Darkness

Bane x OC

Part 1 enjoy

~

(Y/n) had known Bruce Wayne since the day she was born. Her parents held her close in the pink baby blanket as Martha Wayne and her son Bruce strolled into the large hospital room. Martha had a large pink bag in her hands while Bruce hung onto the bundle of balloons tightly. "There she is, Bruce!" Martha Wayne beams at the newborn in her friend's arms. "She's so small," Bruce says as he stands on his tiptoes to see Lily. "May I hold her?" Bruce's eyes grew as he stared at the newborn. He smiles at her in his arms. His heart grew in size to make room for this new life. "If I can't have a sister, then I'm claiming you." The adults laughed at the 3-year-old. Bruce rang true to his word. The two of them are inseparable. At one particular gathering, Bruce was holding the child’s finger, as she took large steps, only learning to walk a month ago. "Careful, (y/n)." He warns as the two children maneuver through the crowd. Martha beams as she watches her son be so caring for the toddler. "He's a better nanny than the one we have."

Year after year (y/n) grew and Bruce was there every step of the way. He was at every dance recital, school play, and spelling bee, he even promised to be her escort to her formal.

(Y/n) parents had such an impression on the city of Gotham. For a while, it held. Her parents were really in love and he was a great father. There are several memories where (y/n) can recall where her father had been caring. However, it seems things always turn rotten in the city of Gotham.

Lily Richards noticed a shift in their family dynamics when she came home from school one day. The young lady waltzed into the kitchen only to stop in her tracks. Frozen in fear. "You say one more thing and I'll-" her father seethed at her mother, holding her by the hair. He had only stopped when their daughter appeared. If the empty bottles of whiskey weren't enough of a clue, his breath was a dead giveaway. He had made drinking a habit and it had now taken a toll on the once proud man. "Mom?" (Y/n) stared into her mother's eyes, tears threatening to spill. "Go to your fucking room." Her father demanded, slurring his words. Her mother nodded quickly. Lily ran up to her room and locked the door. She was terrified. All she could hear was her father's screaming insults and lies. Glass crashed on the floor and her mothers wept loudly.

(Y/n) prayed every time it occurred that it would be the last time, but it never was. Her father kept drinking and abusing her mother. For years her mother had to endure the pain. Nothing in the world made (y/n) more angry than her father. Just the sight of the man would make her bones shake with fury. Her mother deserved better.

On the night of her 21st birthday, Bruce was kind enough to host a party for her. "All smiles! It's the Princess's birthday!" Bruce yells as (y/n) blows out the candles on the large cake. It was a wonderful, lavish party. "Only the best for (y/n)," Bruce said time and time again.

"You didn't need to do this, Bruce. You know I would've been happy with a cupcake at midnight." "oh I know, but this is 21. I had to do something big. Plus I had to give you one big memory before I leave." (Y/n) furrows her brow at her friend. "Leave? Where are you going?" Bruce stays silent for a moment. She had known his internal battle. He struggled with Gotham. When his parents were murdered, she was the one who was able to make him smile. Only a mere 5 years old but (y/n) was able to comfort Bruce.

"You know I have to go." "I thought you were joking about this whole thing. Bruce, you can't leave." He shakes his head, "I made my decision, (y/n). I have to. I have to find some type of assurance." (Y/n) wrapped her arms around him, her oldest friend. "Promise me you'll be careful." Bruce hums with a smile. "You know better than that."

Alfred drives (y/n) home that night. "Say hello to your parents for me, Miss (y/n), and a very happy birthday." Before (y/n) closes the door she smiles at Alfred lovingly. He had always been such a caring person. "Thank you, Alfred." (Y/n) opens the door to the large mansion. Stepping a foot inside the parlor, she could smell the blood. "You... fucking... bitch... I know... YOU TOOK THEM!" Her father slams his fist down upon his wife's face. Her unmoving body lay on the ground under him. (Y/n) felt the familiar rage consume her. She ran over to her father, pushing him off of her mother. "Oh my god." (Y/n) covered her mouth, tears streaming down her face. "What did you do?" Her mother's face was beaten to oblivion. She lay on the floor completely unrecognizable. "She took them. I know she fucking did." She looked at her father. His eyes were wide and bloodshot and his mouth was drooling. He was clearly on another drug binge. He points his finger at his daughter, his limbs shaking. "You." He starts to crawl towards her. "You took them. DIDN'T YOU?"

(Y/n) was shaking in fear. Her father had just beaten her mother to death, and now he was after her. "What? No, I don't know what-" he pounced at her, dragging her ankles towards him. "WHERE'D YOU PUT THEM?" He sneered at her with rage. (Y/n) was crying, and screaming. Surely the neighbors could hear. Her father slapped her across the face once, and then again, he started pounding on her, just like he did to her mother moments ago. In a moment of freedom, (y/n) was able to grasp an object. One of the many on the floor. A large glass award her father had been bestowed upon. The most respected man of the year. Oh, the irony.

She whacked him on the side of the head causing him to roll off of her. She got to her knees and brought the heavy glass award down upon his head again. She couldn't stop. Screaming as she brought it down again, his head now mush, much like her mother's face.

Something in her broke. The final bit of innocence she had was separated from her soul as she saved herself. Darkness was taking over her heart, mind, and soul.

"GCPD! Stop right now!" (Y/n) turned around. The blinding light being shined in her eyes brought her back. Her arms dropped to her sides. Everything was in slow motion, two officers charged at her, pulling her arms behind her back and into cuffs. They hauled her into the GCPD. She was a sight for sure. Her face was wet with tears, streaks of makeup down her cheeks, her hands coated in the blood of her father, and surprisingly a soft grin on her face.

(Y/n) (L/n) was the talk of Gotham. The trail ran on for months. Lawyers fought for (y/n), Alfred Pennyworth even taking the stand to defend Lily's character. He claimed Bruce Wayne would do the same if he were here. However, with the impact her father had in the city, and the caring friendships her mother shared, (y/n) didn't stand a chance. She was viewed as the villain.

(Y/n) was sentenced for her mother and father's murder. Gotham claimed she was pure evil. Locking her up in the woman's correctional facility. There she remained for 7 years. Until her good friend came back to town.

"(Y/n)! Get your shit! You're going home." She sat up quickly, almost not believing what she heard. "Well, looks like it's your lucky day." Her cellmate, Selina Kyle hummed from the top bunk. "Stay out of trouble, Selina." Selina winked as the bars closed between the two.

The large gate opens revealing none other than Bruce Wayne. "What are you doing here?" She runs into his outstretched arms. "Well, when I found out you were in prison I figured I'd sign off on some things. You're on house arrest by the way. Only six months." Bruce dangles the ankle bracelet in front of her. "You don't... believe it?" Bruce opened her car door. "Not a word of it. Neither does Alfred. He knew what your father was like behind closed doors, (y/n). It's time for you to have the life you deserve."

Even if she was accused of her parent's murders she was still the holder of all of the assets when they passed. The house, the money, it was all hers. (Y/n) was determined to get a job. Even if she didn’t need the money, she wanted to be a regular citizen of Gotham. It was difficult to even find somewhere to hire her. Any large company in the city wouldn't dare allow her on. She was the crazy rich girl who killed her parents! It was an answered prayer that a tiny coffee shop hired her no questions asked! It took time, but Gotham gossip became too large to hang onto the tale of that murderous brat, (y/n). Gotham having dealt with people like Johnathan Crane and The Joker made her small tale look insignificant.

John Blake came one morning to get a coffee. Blake had recognized (y/n). Yet he didn't shy away. He found her beautiful and her fierce personality addictive. He had always been a caring individual. He could help heal the rest of her if he tried. If she would let him.

"Me?" She looked dumbfounded when the young police officer asked her on a date. "Yeah. I was thinking 8 o'clock?" "Um, sure." She couldn't hide the smile that crept upon her face.

It was at this time her dear friend, Bruce Wayne had revealed himself as the masked hero Batman. "You're joking!" She punches his chest. "You're not him." He stays silent, only staring at her with a smirk. "Seriously?" Bruce stands, and walks to the piano, hitting three different notes before entering a hidden path behind the bookcase. "Holy smokes, Batman."

Rachel and Harvey were abducted and placed into two separate locations. Bruce wasn't able to save Rachel. That killed him. He not only felt responsible, but he lost the woman he loved. Batman took the fall for the murder of Harvey Dent. Bruce then retired and locked himself in the west wing, and hasn't spoken to (y/n) since. That was 8 years ago.

[chenziee]

Revelations (we could do without)

Content warning: pure chaos

My brain refused to let me sleep last night because it took a random dialogue line in Punk Hazard and ran away with it and decided to make it everyone else's problem xD I hope it makes someone laugh just a little bit :)

[ READ ON AO3 | KO-FI ]

—————

Nami couldn’t believe it. She had thought that with Robin and Usopp there, Luffy and Zoro wouldn’t do anything completely stupid or insane on that burning island. She had also thought that staying on the Sunny would be safe. 

But here they fucking were. 

In but a few hours, Nami found herself standing in the broken remains of some laboratory in the absolutely freezing, semi-deserted half of said island, stuck in Franky’s giant, iron body while surrounded by children of various sizes playing happily around them. An alligator centaur was glaring at her. They barely just got rid of a talking severed head only for it to get put on a walking pair of severed legs—going off to search for his creepy moving severed torso. Her body was likely currently being groped by Sanji and ogled by Brook. At least the charges she was planning to collect would be somewhat worth it, she supposed… 

But then the children started collapsing from terrible drug withdrawals and Nami really had to wonder what kind of cursed star she was born under.

And if all of that wasn’t enough, now the creepiest fucking guy Nami’d ever met was just standing there, casually chatting with Luffy as if 90 % of everything she just recounted wasn’t his own damn fault. And he wouldn’t even get her back inside her own body! Sure, Sanji was still better than Franky but she wanted her beautiful, delicate figure back, goddamn it! She didn’t work so hard to stay in shape, pampering her skin and hair just to lose it, simply because Mr Warlord here thought it was funny or something.

And as if that wasn’t enough—

“I am going to go with your decision, but Luffy—” Robin said, tone serious— “but betrayal is all too common with pirate alliances.���

—there was this goddamned alliance thing.

Nami knew there was no point trying to talk Luffy out of it but that didn’t mean she was happy about it or didn’t try. And god, did she try.

The entire walk back from the stupid mountain back to the laboratory, she did nothing but argue with him, trying to explain all the reasons why an alliance was a bad idea but it was like talking to a snickering wall.

She loved Luffy and she would die for him but she really hated him sometimes.

Stubborn idiot.

He was so lucky Nami was too tired to get mad about it anymore.

“Who’s the doctor?” Trafalgar Law asked, full of exasperation after his short-lived, pointless argument with Luffy about helping the children, then groaned when everyone wordlessly pointed at Chopper, lying immobile on the ground after Franky and Luffy’s collective abuse.

“I’ll help you with the drug antidote but I can’t really walk right now,” Chopper said apologetically. “Can you carry me?”

For a moment, it looked like Law was regretting every single life decision that led him to this point—and good riddance, it was his own fault—before he clicked his tongue in annoyance. “Fine. But you’ll have to hide.”

“I’ll get you ready, Chopper.” Usopp hurried over before he grabbed Chopper’s little backpack and started stuffing all the equipment he had used on the children earlier inside.

Meanwhile, Law was rubbing at his temples and Nami was sure he was having a headache about as bad as she herself did.

Just then, Luffy approached Law, that bright, blinding smile of his plastered on his face. “By the way, Torao,” he started, poking Law’s side a few times to get his attention.

“What?” Law sighed, sounding absolutely exhausted.

“You said there was something you wanted to take back from me earlier? What did you mean?” Luffy questioned, his eyebrows furrowed into an adorable frown while he tilted his head to the side curiously.

Law was silent for a moment, simply regarding Luffy silently before he clicked his tongue again, looking away. And this time… he looked almost embarrassed as he opened his mouth to speak.

“I meant my heart, Straw Hat-ya,” he muttered, obviously trying to keep his voice down enough that the rest of the crew didn’t hear. Unfortunately for him, however… this cave-like structure did nothing for secrecy, with all the echoing.

And so… Nami could still hear him loud and clear.

Her eyes blew wide as her mouth fell open. She exchanged a look with Usopp, the man looking about as horrified as Nami felt. She wasn’t sure if that made her feel better or worse.

Because holy shit.

Trafalgar Law, the Surgeon of Death, one of the Warlords of the Sea… really said that.

“Did he just confess to Luffy?”  Usopp mouthed in her direction.

Nami’s eyes flickered between Law, Luffy, and Usopp before she nodded stiffly. Then, she turned her attention fully to the pair, taking in the scene before her.

To her surprise, Luffy didn’t look the least bit shocked or taken aback or creeped out or… anything along those lines, really. Instead, he was standing in front of Law confidently, perfectly relaxed; only his frown had deepened even more while he stuck his bottom lip out in a pout.

It looked like he was actually unhappy about what Law had said—or maybe disappointed?

“But why?” Luffy whined, this time grabbing at Law’s sleeve and pulling sharply—an action that only got him a dirty look. “I like it! It’s not like you need it.”

“Straw Hat-ya, a person can’t live without a heart,” Law retorted, unimpressed.

 Luffy simply rolled his eyes in response. “You know what I mean, you ass.”

At that… Law chuckled. Actually chuckled.

“Fine, have it your way. Don’t blame me if you die later because of it.” There was a teasing smirk on his lips as he spoke.

And then…

Nami’s eyes blew even wider if at all possible as she could do nothing but watch while Trafalgar fucking Law leaned down, pressing his mouth to Luffy’s. While Luffy let him. Then laughed happily when Law pulled away again.

If she wasn’t so frozen, Nami would have screamed.

Because oh god.

Oh.

God.

They kissed. They fucking kissed like it was nothing, like it was normal, like they had done it a hundred times before.

Nami had no idea what was even happening anymore. Luffy did mention Law had saved him after the war but this? This was something completely different. It was absolutely insane, actually.

“I think your crew’s going to explode,” Law noted, finally breaking the oppressive silence that had settled over the lab—or at least seemed to have; it wasn’t like Lufffy and Law had stopped talking after… that but Nami couldn’t hear anything they said over the static in her brain.

“Can you blame us?!” Usopp cried, his hands flying up to cover his eyes as if the sight had burned them.

“Oh.” Robin chuckled. “I think you’ve neglected to mention something, Luffy.”

“Huh? What do you mean?” Luffy asked, full of confusion once again.

“You didn’t tell them we’re dating?” Law asked, his eyebrow raised as he glanced at Luffy.

Luffy, who merely hummed in a way that made it clear he thought it didn’t matter—or thought it was too much of a drag to explain. But finally, he turned to the present members of his crew, placing his hands on his hips and proudly declaring, “Guys, Torao’s my boyfriend.”

“Tell us these things before you scar us for life!” Usop screeched, his face still buried in his hands in despair. Or maybe he was trying to claw his eyes out. “I don’t even want to know what that thing about his heart was anymore.”

A happy smile spread on Luffy’s face and he started talking animatedly. “That one’s so funny, actually! Torao’s power is super weird. He can take organs out and it’s so cool, okay? He let me play with my intestines and stuff.”

A strangled, horrified noise came from Chopper, the only reaction from the one normal and sane doctor around, apparently. It was a reaction that perfectly conveyed how Nami was feeling in that moment.

“Luffy, please—” Usopp started but Robin interrupted him.

“Please continue, that sounds fascinating,” she said, apparently paying rapt attention to whatever creepy shit Luffy had just said.

“No! Please just shut up!” Nami begged, her hands quickly coming up to cover her ears in a vain attempt to stop the words from reaching her. 

Luffy, however, paid neither her nor Usopp any mind, his grin widening at Robin’s prompting; he continued, now even waving his hands around in excitement. “Yeah so, we couldn’t have a vivre card made on Amazon Lily so Torao just took out our hearts and switched them so now I have his heart with me. It’s such a funny feeling, you guys should try it!”

Nami didn’t have the brain capacity for this anymore.

She really should have just stayed with Arlong.

[dcwnthercbbithcle]

GET TO KNOW THE AUTHOR!

𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄 : Bunni! I also go by Bunny, Bun or any other synonyms for a rabbit! Haha

𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐒 : I go by all pronouns! Given I’m agender and like, just sort of foggy about my gender? I don’t really feel any one way or another! So call me what you want, I’m still a Bun!

𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐅𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐌𝐔𝐍𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 : Tumblr messages are honestly my go-to, simply because on Tumblr I notice a lot quicker than on discord and I’m less likely to forget!

𝐌𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐄(𝐒) : Right now it’s Fíadh, the Alpinist, Chromeskull, Leshy and 8713!

𝐄𝐗𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 / 𝐇𝐎𝐖 𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐘 𝐘𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐒? : No one laugh at me, but I started roleplaying on Quotev and Deviantart back when I was, I think, 14? And now I’m 21, turning 22, so crunching the numbers, I’ve been writing for just about 7 years! Probably more though, given my memory isn’t super accurate and I’m probably leaving out a lot! Haha

𝐁𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐄𝐗𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 : On the platform?? MEETING ALL OF MY CURRENT PALS! God, I will call them out by name but Bruce and Freddy were some of the kindest, most encouraging and patient folks I have ever met and I’m so glad I was able to find them on here and write with them when I could!

𝐑𝐏 𝐏𝐄𝐓 𝐏𝐄𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐒 : OH MY GOD I HAVE SO MANY; my number one pet peeve, though is when people just straight up do not read your responses and writing! Not in the sense of misunderstanding your intentions but just straight up not reading all of your answers to the point where it shows IN THEIR RESPONSES! Sorry not sorry, but if you cannot handle a multi-para high-lit writer, don’t try to roleplay with them! Letting them create paragraphs for you, only for you to ignore or skim it is a dick move!

𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐒𝐓, 𝐅𝐋𝐔𝐅𝐅 𝐎𝐑 𝐒𝐌𝐔𝐓? :

𝐋𝐎𝐍𝐆 𝐎𝐑 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐓 𝐑𝐄𝐏𝐋𝐈𝐄𝐒? : NGL my pride would physically not allow me to post anything under one paragraph. Just not my style! That being said, I’m not picky with what I get! As long as it has enough for me to build action and voice on top of, I’m happy!

𝐏𝐋𝐎𝐓𝐒 𝐎𝐑 𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐒? : My most controversial take, but I almost prefer memes more than extremely long and drawn-out plots taking place over weeks, because, no matter how much I adore a dynamic, that commitment eventually does wear me out y'know??

𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄? : UHHHHH- whenever I get the time and that hyper fixation strikes! Usually early evening, though!

𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐄𝐒? : WELLL, it really depends! Am I out in the hills eating people, in a hospital healing people, defying death at every turn or ruling a hellish realm? Absolutely not! But each of the muses does contain a small piece of me beneath the surface!

It seems silly but I’ve always done this as a way to make it easier for me to relate and connect to them! It’s often microscopic, but shared traumas, fears, loves and minor personality traits (8713 is most like the mun ngl) does countless good to ensuring that not only can I keep playing them in the long term but ensuring that they are wholly mine!

To outline one of the similarities/shared threads of personality

Fíadh deals heavily with a fear of abandonment and loss of control over her body.

In her story, this is due to several factors from childhood neglect and abuse, a precarious sense of self-esteem, the curse that plagues her, her history of being moved around and used as a piece on a chess board, and the death/rejection from everyone she has held dear up to her current point (except for the Trapper/Trader and Leshy ofc) however the truth is, while narratively it does make sense, it was born from me and my experience as being neurodivergent and struggling with a sense of self and value due to the repeated rejection and experiences that came from it!

𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐃 𝐁𝐘 : @lettherebemonsters (thank you a ton for the tag! I had a lot of fun filling this out!) 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐆 : anyone who wants to do this!

[chaotic-leaf-enthusiast]

One thing that isn't often talked about, at least from my experience, is how going through the process of healing from childhood trauma can often make you lose your family.

I grew up in a big family. 5 aunts/uncles, a set of grandparents, and 4 cousins. My mother was severely mentally ill, but my grandparents did not believe in mental health and so never got her diagnosed or tried to get help for her. My family just decided that she was impossible, combative, and liked to be contrary, because those were the traits that affected them the most.

From an early age, she had a history of abusing animals and people. She had a loose grip on reality, intense paranoia, and if someone slighted her at all, she felt like her response should be to hurt them as much as possible.

Even if those slights were imagined.

So on the outside, that description kinda makes you worried when you learn that she was a single mom to a child.

When I was born, she was very very afraid of losing custody of me, but could never tell me why she feared that in the first place. She fought often with all of the family members who wanted to visit me. She wouldn't let them. She told everyone that I was very sick and a simple cold would kill me, so no one was allowed to visit. She put breathing tubes on my face that were not connected to an oxygen tank and told everyone that I was on oxygen for several months. My family was very resentful of this.

As I got older, she fought with my grandmother who wanted to help her take care of me while she worked. I was often put in the middle. My family was extremely resentful of my mom's overprotectiveness and took it out on me. My aunts would come over to visit my grandmother and talk shit about my mom until I cried in distress, and then would laugh in my face and call me names. One of my aunts told my oldest cousin to convince me "not to trust my mom." Another aunt slammed a door in my face and gave my cousin presents but not me and rubbed it in my face, because my mom had told her not to buy me a certain kind of candy because it would "destroy my respiratory system and kill me". My mom saw this behavior and took issue with it even though she was abusing me herself, and would often "go off the grid" and just disappear from the rest of the family and not communicate with anyone until she got over it. I was not allowed to communicate with them either and if I indicated that I wanted to, she would retaliate with verbal abuse, emotional manipulation, and physical violence.

Instead of recognizing that my mom's mental illness was turning into munchausens by proxy, and doing literally ANYTHING to help me or at least show me that they were safe people who I could go to if I needed help, my aunts and grandparents took their anger on my mom out on me. They focused on how her behaviors about me affected THEM, and turned every interaction that I had with my family into a painful memory of being left out, hated for no reason, and entirely alone.

As I got older, my mother let me be more and more involved with our family and I tried desperately to be close to them. When my first younger cousin was born and was old enough to play with, she and I got along very well, and her mom began to tolerate me. The rest of the family still rejected me emotionally every time I tried to get to know them or show them things about my personality. They acted like I was just an extension of my mother, someone they didn't want to interact with. My cousin's mom would have me over for playdates with my cousin, but whenever my mother pissed her off, she would take it out on me. I was often told that I needed to manage my mother's behavior, and if my mother did something mean and unhinged to one of them, for some reason my aunts saw that as my fault and would get verbally aggressive with me.

Two of my aunts were mandated child abuse reporters, and when my grandmother would tell them that she had witnessed my mother doing actively abusive things to me, they wouldn't report it because they didn't want to fight with my mom.

I grew up knowing that I was alone. In sixth grade, my mom and I lived with my grandparents. One of my aunts was going through chemotherapy for stage 4 cancer, and for some reason the family started depending on me to administer her chemotherapy treatment on days when they couldn't get off work to come help. My mother, the "big pharma" conspiracy theorist, used this opportunity to convince me that the chemo treatment was killing my aunt, and when I saw her in the hospital a few days before she died, crying in pain, I started believing that I had contributed to her death. I was racked with guilt for years and it turned into a deep depression.

I began to believe that I deserved to be left out and alone and hated by my family. I stopped trying to get to know them. I accepted that I didn't deserve love. I gave up on trying to stand up for myself and just let my mother abuse me. I had no fight left in me. Around this time, my mother's insanity began rapidly increasing and we went off the grid. She forced me to be homeschooled, live in a house with no electricity or running water, and started hoarding animals. My family knew about this situation and yet the CPS worker and the teacher decided not to fulfill their mandatory reporting obligations.

Years passed with no contact with my family except for short conversations when we would run into them. I was severely anorexic, but that still wasn't enough for a cps call. My mother started using torture techniques on me, things that I still cannot discuss in detail with my therapist, and I lost the ability to think clearly about what was happening to me.

Ten years after we had moved into that house that had no utilities, I was able to overcome my mother's brainwashing and escape. I lived out of my car for a year. I tried to reconnect with my aunts and uncles and grandfather.

Suddenly the narrative was that the years I had no contact with them was due to me "choosing not to associate with them." When I started trauma therapy, my aunts were suddenly so loving and supportive and "we had no idea your mother was like this, we would have rescued you if we had known!" When I got to a point that I was able to describe some of the things that happened to me, my aunt's response was sympathetic, but always ended with "your mother gives ME ptsd."

I often apologized for things my mother had made me do as a child, and my aunt's response was "why are you bringing up old shit?"

And here's my point. When you go through trauma therapy for childhood trauma, you HAVE to bring up old shit. You have to go back and analyze what was done to you so that you can work through the ways it affects your current life. And the most important thing you have to accept is that you DID NOT CAUSE your abuse. You didn't do anything to deserve it. If you never had anyone safe to reach out to for help, that is NOT your fault and it does NOT mean that you are complicit in your abuse or that you prevented people around you from helping you by not asking for help.

My aunts and uncles and grandfather want me to believe that they had no way of helping me because I never went to them for help. They want me to believe that they couldn't do a single thing about the abuse and neglect that they witnessed, knew about, and in some cases were OBLIGATED TO REPORT, simply because I never articulated to them what they were witnessing.

If I believe that, then they can have a relationship with me without us having to accept and work through the fact that they were complicit in my abuse by allowing it to happen with no interventions attempted. They can make up whatever narrative they want and I'll just have to hold on to that cognitive dissonance of trying to heal from trauma while being gaslit about the trauma.

Both the cps worker and the teacher had conversations with me where they stated that my grandmother had gone to them asking for help because she had witnessed my mom abusing or neglecting me. Both of them framed it as "your mom hurt your grandmother so badly by abusing you and we feel defensive about how she hurt our mother" but in conversations later on will say that they had no idea what was happening to me and that they wished they could have helped.

My trauma therapy helped me confront this shit. I couldn't tolerate the cognitive dissonance I needed to be able to have happy, positive relationships with my family. It was either deny their role in what happened and accept that my abuse happened because I never spoke up, or accept that the abuse was not my fault and heal properly.

I hung onto these people for a few years until I moved to another state and got married. My aunts had bad reactions to this, stating that they felt "abandoned."

I'm not even going to point out the irony because this still fills me with rage on behalf of my younger self.

My breaking point was when I got locked out of my bank account while buying plane tickets and asked for help that I would pay back when the bank opened and I could get my account unlocked. Both my aunts tried to claim that they believed that my wife was forcing me to try to scam them for money. I was on my own, and managed to figure something out. Days later, my aunt asked for picture proof that I was who I said I was, and then went on this spiel about how my wife was manipulative and controlling because *checks notes* I decided to move to the state she lived in. She was acting so concerned for my safety.

I finally snapped and told her that she never cared when my mom was manipulative and controlling, and it's funny that she's trying to claim that about my wife who she has only met once, and who gives me the most loving and healthy relationship I have ever had. I told her that my wife wasn't the reason I moved away from them, it was because it was too painful to try to have relationships with people who pretend that they didn't take their anger at my mom out on me when I needed them to be a safe person to get help from.

Her response: "all this because we didn't give you money..."

And I have not spoken to any of them since.

I don't have to juggle that cognitive dissonance anymore. According to my therapist I'm doing a lot better since I gave up on them. I still love my cousins and don't hold anything against them, because they grew up in the same mess, but I have emotionally removed myself from the rest of that family and it has healed me so much. Is it traumatizing to have lost such a big family? Sometimes it feels that way, but then I remember that *I NEVER TRULY HAD A FAMILY IN THE FIRST PLACE.*

I was always alone, but around other people who should have loved me. Taunted by the idea of a family but never truly being a part of one. Once I figured that out, it was easy to discard the need to cling to them. I had been trying to hold onto them for years. Wasting so much energy trying to be close to people who couldn't even love me enough to be genuine and just apologize. They'd rather I accept lies about myself, become stagnant in my healing process, than admit that they could have done better for me. That's why they felt so threatened when I finally had a loving relationship. I wouldn't need to cling so hard to them and I could take a step back and see the difference between being loved and being tolerated.

Don't let the illusion of family hold you back from healing. Don't let hurt people keep you hurt. I promise you, the healing you can do and the person you can become is so much better than staying stuck in pain just to hold onto someone. There are people who will love you without caveats or conditions, and they are worth finding.

[rie-092]

❝ PITIFUL ❞

❲ yandere! claude de alger obelia x princess! reader ❳

summary : you were talented, yet, you weren't able to inherit the throne just because you were a girl. that's why your family sent you to the empire to sell you to the emperor. such a pitiful being you are.

tw : yandere behavior, toxic behavior, obsessive behavior, misogyny, verbal and physical abuse, violence, coercive behavior, cursing.

ever since you were a child. you already experienced different types of physical and verbal abuse.

you see, in the kingdom where you were born. having a woman like you being born into the royal family was considered bad luck. because for them, only a man like your brothers could lead the kingdom onto a bright future.

and that infuriates you. you know you were talented enough to inherit the throne. many of your oh-so-called teachers always say to you that if you were born as a boy, then you will be able to inherit the throne.

you always hear those words every time. and your father and your brothers always told you that the women's job was to look sweet and keep smiling. they need to give birth and raise an amazing son. your family controls your life. they always humiliate you every time they had a chance.

your family would even go far on punishing you if you accidentally said anything that your brothers didn't like. how severe those punishments are you ask? they would lock you in an underground prison and wouldn't give you any water or food because they said a woman like you needs to be ‘slim’. and there would be some times that they'll use violence just to drill onto your mind that a woman like you needs to respect them.

but you didn't let those things affect you. you were determined to change everyone's beliefs about women.

but as time passes by, the more you become annoying to your family. that's why they decided to send you to the obelian empire to marry the current emperor.

you tried to protest. but they don't listen, they sent you to the empire without your consent.

and there, you met the emperor for the first time. to be honest, you thought that just like your family, he also hates women. but you were wrong. you were relieved that claude was different from them.

honestly, claude didn't care about you at first. this guy plans to send you back to your kingdom after a month. but you see, as the day passes by, the more claude could see his old self to you. and he unconsciously becomes a yandere to you.

and you're wondering about athanasia? when athanasia met you for the first time. she was in awe of your beauty. and when she heard that you'll gonna be her mother in the future, athanasia was happy!

athanasia will play cupid to you and claude. this cute little princess will surely invite you to her and claude's tea time. and she'll surely praise claude in front of you.

if claude is an overprotective and obsessive type of yandere. athanasia is a worshipping and clingy type. this girl thinks that no one deserves you except her dear father.

despite of claude and athanasia's weird behavior. for you, the obelian empire was better than the kingdom where you came from. because here, claude allows you to do whatever you wanted ( except leaving the palace grounds ), and here, people treat you like a proper human, not a political tool.

claude already knows everything about you. he knows your past and the things that your family did to you. but he didn't do anything since you didn't ask for his help. and seeing you having fun with athanasia was enough for him.

but your happiness didn't last when a letter from your father came. the contents of that letter made you remember the past that you want to forget. the contents of the letter were simple.

‘ i heard that tyrant and his daughter adores you so much. so why aren't you still the empress? be the empress and be useful to us you damn bitch.’

so in the end, your father still thinks of you as a tool. a useless tool to be exact.

you wanted to cry, but instead, you just laughed. you laughed because you felt so useless and pitiful. and when claude and athanasia heard about that letter, these two cut your connection with your family.

athanasia is always there to comfort you and kinda manipulate you thinking that she and her father is the only one who cares about you. so you will stay with them, right?

while claude, this guy, he made sure to kill everyone in your family without you knowing. you can rest assured now because you only need him and athanasia as your family.

“I can make all of them pay for what they did to you. You just have to say the words.”

[robininthelabyrinth]

Initiative - aka NMJ and JYL get engaged - ao3 or tumblr pt 1, pt 2

Jiang Yanli’s first engagement had been announced when she was three and a half years old – there had been a big party, festooned in color, exquisitely and meticulously planned out in advance, and she’d been obliged to stand on stage next to a baby in a cradle that had done nothing but cry and spit as all the adults around her congregated and congratulated each other on the excellent match.

She hadn’t enjoyed that at all.

Her second wedding announcement was simultaneously more casual and more noteworthy, and she enjoyed it tremendously. 

Madame Jin had sent several invitations to Jiang Yanli to come visit Lanling in advance of the hunt planned for Phoenix Mountain, speaking of how beautiful it was and how much she looked forward to seeing her good friend’s daughter – talking about she’d always regretted how Jiang Yanli had been obligated by circumstances to take shelter at the Unclean Realm rather than in Lanling City, although she’d been pleased to hear from her son that she was doing well – all the right sort of words. The words might have been more welcome if Jiang Yanli hadn’t known that Madame Jin was still intent on securing the marriage she had arranged.

If she hadn’t been engaged, she would have accepted the invitation, hoping to form an alliance for her sect through a close relationship with Madame Jin even if she didn’t have one with Jin Zixuan (no matter what Madame Jin hoped), but as she was, in fact, engaged to another – even if it hadn’t been formally announced – it would be inappropriate to go. So she instead played ignorant and responded graciously, protesting that she couldn’t possibly impose, that the rebuilding at the Lotus Pier needed her, but that she would of course be happy to attend the hunt alongside the rest of her sect.

She arrived at her brother’s side, smiling all the while.

Her second engagement was announced like this: Sect Leader Jin, using his newly legitimized son as his mouthpiece, had brought forward some ghastly ‘entertainment’ that involved shooting at helpless prisoners, tied up in chains. Jin Zixuan had complied, but Wei Wuxian had marched out and disrupted everything by showing off to a ridiculous extent – Nie Mingjue, who had been watching with a black face full of rage but unable to speak due to propriety, had started applauding very loudly and very enthusiastically – and Sect Leader Jin had ordered the prisoners taken away.

“Well, then,” he said, clapping as if he had impressed himself: as if they hadn’t just been subjected to a powerplay under the guise of hospitality, as if everyone would be over-awed by his might now that they had seen him abuse the helpless while they were all forced by the rules of etiquette to say nothing or else risk carrying the blame for trying to start another war. “Absent anything else, we should proceed to the hunt itself, where await you only the finest of prey and the sharpest competition among your peers.”

For the further display of the power of the Jin sect, he meant.

“Actually,” Nie Mingjue said, interjecting in a moment in which Sect Leader Jin had paused to take a breath so that it was technically not an interruption, “there is one thing. A request, in fact.”

Sect Leader Jin’s eyes narrowed in suspicion, but he maintained his false smile. “Of course, Sect Leader Nie. What can I do for you?”

“I’m getting married,” Nie Mingjue said. “The bride is Young Mistress Jiang, of Yunmeng Jiang, and I would like –” He raised his voice to overcome the abrupt explosion of talk that had erupted. “– I would like to have her accompany my sect in today’s hunt. I hope that doesn’t interfere with your plans for a competition between the sects?”

There were those who said that Jiang Yanli’s chosen husband was bad at politics, and they might even be right. But it didn’t really matter in the end if he’d thought of the idea on a whim or if it’d been a prearranged plan by Nie Huaisang, who was cleverer than he liked to let on to people, Jiang Yanli’s future husband had still wiped away in a single sentence all memory of the farce they’d all just endured and of the hunt that was yet to come, ensuring that the only thing anyone would remember about today was the shocking news of the engagement of the leader of one Great Sect to the sister of another.

(And if everyone remembered that at the last celebration hosted by Sect Leader Jin, he had proposed to resurrect the marriage between Jiang Yanli and his own son, instead, forcing her to publicly demur on vague terms…well, that just made it all the more satisfying.)

Now it was Sect Leader Jin’s turn to scowl and glare, and Madame Jin’s expression looked no less thunderous, but in the end Jiang Yanli got to go with the Nie sect on the hunt.

“You know I’ll only slow you down,” she said to Nie Mingjue, who snorted.

“No more than Huaisang will,” he said, and if his face was stern and his voice gruff then she still thought she detected fondness and humor beneath it. “Besides, it’ll be a good opportunity to measure you.”

It turned out that he meant that more literally than she might have thought.

Jiang Yanli was promptly whisked away to the back of the Nie retinue by a small cadre of Nie disciples, men and women both. She was presented with a number of training sabers shaped out of wood and made to hold them in a variety of positions as they murmured things about stability and reach and balance as if they really, truly thought that she would actually use the saber they were preparing for her.

“This one,” Nie Jiahui, a steely older woman with silver in her hair and fierce eyes, eventually announced, and the practice saber Jiang Yanli had been waving around was taken away. She was then presented with one that was twice as heavy, for “practice”.

“Do you always practice with something heavier than the actual thing?” she asked, and Nie Jiahui nodded.

“Strengthens the shoulders,” she said, curt but not standoffish. “Have some candy.”

Jiang Yanli blinked, but smiled and accepted the offer. It was licorice, which she liked.

“Do you often carry candy with you on night-hunts?” she asked, listening to the sound of fighting from up ahead. Every so often, a disciple or two would trot by carrying the corpses of larger and larger creatures, slain in the fighting; it seemed that the Nie sect was not, in fact, being slowed down in the slightest by her presence.

Of course, she also wasn’t being tended to as if she were their chosen lady, either, as she might have otherwise expected – all pomp and flowery language, Nie Mingjue by her side at all times to show her around as if they were on a pleasure stroll – but in all honesty that would have been a little bewildering. It was very much not the Nie sect’s character, all practical and straightforward, and she found that she preferred it that way.

“It’s important to have something to replenish energy,” Nie Huaisang said, having dropped back to join them from the front. He looked tired and grumpy, but his saber appeared to have been put to some work; he immediately climbed up into the carriage that people were taking turns riding and started cleaning it. “And licorice candy clears the lungs.”

“Clears the lungs?” Jiang Yanli asked.

“It’s good for more than that,” Nie Jiahui said. “But that’s one of the uses, yes. Do you ever feel like your chest is too tight, especially when you move too much? Leading to coughing, shortness of breath, your lips turning blue?”

Jiang Yanli blinked. “Yes,” she said. “But that’s just because I was born with a weak body.”

Nie Jiahui scoffed and Nie Huaisang laughed. “Good luck with that,” he said cheerfully. “I was born with muscles that didn’t keep their tone: too flexible, incapable of gathering strength, requiring more energy to do less, making me twice as tired twice as fast – even sitting up straight can be a struggle in some extreme cases, though luckily not mine. And do you think that helped me one bit in getting out of saber training? It did not.”

“Early childhood intervention is best,” Nie Jiahui said. “But the next best is starting today. I’ll show you some low-impact exercises that you can start working on to strengthen your shoulders and stomach, as well as some balance movements to center yourself and improve your posture – that way, by the time your actual saber is ready, you’ll be able to take it through one of the basic routines.”

“I’m happy to learn whatever you have to teach,” Jiang Yanli said, ignoring Nie Huaisang’s dramatic cry of ‘And here I thought you’d be on my side!’ “I only regret troubling you.”

“Not at all,” Nie Jiahui said. “It’ll be good to have someone watching the Sect Leader’s back on night-hunts.”

Jiang Yanli felt a surge of terror and excitement in her belly. “He would trust me with that? You would trust me with that?”

“I did tell you that you’d need to keep up with him,” Nie Huaisang said mildly, and it was true, he had, only she’d assumed it was a bit more metaphorical. “You don’t have to fight or even walk too much, if it doesn’t suit you – my grandmother was lame in both her legs from a childhood illness, she rode everywhere, scariest woman I’ve ever met by far – but you do have to be there. Someone needs to be able to tell my brother to stop. Someone he’ll listen to.”

And wasn’t that something of a thrill to think of?

Jiang Yanli wasn’t someone anyone listened to – not her parents, not her brother, not her sect disciples. She’d always been the one who comforted them afterwards, who supported them; she made them food and tried to convince them to be kinder to each other, and sometimes they even tried for a while before getting into another tiff. They would kill for her if she so much as hinted at it, tear down the sky for her, but it was more in the nature of indulging her rather than actually allowing them to guide her.

Yet here was Chifeng-zun, a war hero and a sect leader, one of the most powerful men in the world, a man admired by men and sought after (even if only in their hearts) by women, and his family was telling her that he would listen to her.

“If you say so,” she demurred, but they insisted, and by the time the hunt was over Jiang Yanli was surprised to realize that she hadn’t needed to resort to sitting on the carriage more than twice the entire time.

“We’ll send Auntie Jiahui to the Lotus Pier after today’s hunt is done,” Nie Huaisang chattered cheerfully in her ear as they headed back towards Jinlin Tower. “She’ll work you through your paces, believe you me, and all the supplemental things, too – making sure you eat the right thing, take medicinal baths to improve your meridians, apply massages to loosen your joints…those parts are nice, actually. Take care of your body as you would your saber, take care of your saber as you would your wife! That’s how the saying goes. Trust me, you’ll be regretting the whole thing soon enough.”

Jiang Yanli didn’t think she would. “You seem very confident that A-Cheng will allow you to do as you please, even in the Lotus Pier.”

“I’ll tell him it concerns secret Nie sect marriage rituals,” Nie Jiahui interjected. “When two women are involved, men tend to run away when the words ‘marriage’ and ‘secret’ are combined.”

Sadly, she was probably right.

“Show me those exercises again,” she requested, and Nie Jiahui climbed up on to the carriage to show her the ones she could do even while sitting down.

Jiang Yanli might never have had the opportunity to strengthen herself before, and she was moderately certain that she wouldn’t have too much success now, as the various tricks Nie Jiahui had taught her were largely body refinement, barely reliant on qi, and her cultivation was still as low as ever.

But she was good at devoting herself to learning something when she wanted to, and as soon the hunt at Phoenix Mountain was over and they had shifted over to the various feasts and meetings that Lanling Jin had planned for the rest of the week, she began her efforts at self-improvement in earnest.

The weak body her mother had always despaired of might always be weak – Nie Jiahui had been quite blunt on that subject, making it clear that nothing she was suggesting was some sort of miracle pill, and furthermore that there was nothing wrong with being weak as long as she made an effort (Nie Huaisang had been the recipient of several pointed looks there) – but Jiang Yanli was determined to at least demonstrate that she was trying.

A gesture of good faith, perhaps. Some small show of initiative.

Nie Huaisang had said that Nie Mingjue appreciated her initiative.

“A-Xian,” she called one morning, only a few days later. “A-Xian, are you going out for a walk? Let me come with you.”

“You’ve gone on a lot of walks recently,” Wei Wuxian laughed, but allowed her to take his arm as they walked into the crowd. “Do you like Lanling City so much?”

“It’s the exercise I’m after,” she said, smiling at him. “The Nie sect is a martial sect, remember? I’ll be going on more night-hunts in the future, if all goes well, and I’ll need to keep up.”

“Oh, but surely they’ll bring a carriage..? I don’t know if you really need to go on night-hunts –”

“I want to! It’ll be nice. Don’t worry about me so much, A-Xian –”

Wei Wuxian was shaking his head, smiling, and he wasn’t looking where he was going; perhaps that was why he bumped into the young woman.

But then she looked up at him, and he looked down at her, and he froze.

“Wen Qing?”

[queenshelby]

ME AND THE DEVIL – PART TWO

Featuring: Tommy Shelby x Reader

Words: 6,459

Warnings: Smut, Mention of Domestic Abuse and Racism

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@l0tsofpennies @margoo0 @trolleydolly @avonlady1985 @chrisevanshoeee  @daydreamingnymph  

��-------

The Charity

Usually, you didn’t accompany your husband to political events but, tonight, was different. It was a big night in Westminster.

One of the judges from the Queen’s Bench invited several members of parliament to a charity ball. The ball was hosted by the judge at his rather large mansion which he inherited from his father who was a well-known politician before he passed before the First World War.

The judge was a smart man but had recently fallen under the spell of your husband. He favoured national socialism after the stock market crash in the previous year and your husband’s ideals aligned with his.

It was of the upmost importance for your husband that you attend this function with him. It was all about appearances and, since the judge believed in the value of marriage, Oswald wanted to present himself as the perfect husband to his young wife.

Most importantly, the judge wanted to fund Oswald’s campaign with the view to gain power if your husband’s movement gained enough traction. Oswald wanted you to befriend the judge’s wife to ensure that the funding would be forthcoming.

The judge’s wife was a lady and rather wealthy herself. She was also involved in charitable organisations and you had her before, but only briefly.  

Despite some familiar faces, there were also people who attended the ball who, apparently, you hadn’t met before. Or have you?

Just after you entered the large mansion and were greeted by the host, your husband introduced you to his acquaintances, one of whom in particular caught your interest.

‘Y/N, may I introduce you to my acquaintance Mr Thomas Shelby, the deputy leader of the British Union of Fascists’ Oswald said, causing your heart to skip a beat. You knew from Ada since your last encounter that Tommy was a politician. But, you had no idea that he was a fascist and member of your husband’s party.

‘Mr Shelby, this is my wife, Y/N Mosley’ he added in which moment Tommy’s looked at you as if he had seen a ghost.

‘It’s a pleasure to meet you Mrs Mosley’ he said after clearing his throat. It was obvious to you that he had to quickly collected his thoughts.

‘Likewise, Mr Shelby’ you said as you shook his hand. You remembered his large and masculine hands. In fact, you remembered them very well. They were doing amazing and pleasurable things to you.

‘Would you like me to get your wife a drink while you arrange the meeting with Judge Kutchner. I could introduce her to my wife and they could talk about the upcoming charity event, eh?’ Tommy asked your husband as he had been inundated by several invitees of the host.

‘That is very thoughtful of you, Mr Shelby. I would appreciate it’ your husband said politely.

‘Alright then. Follow me, Mrs Mosley’ Tommy said as he took your hand like a gentleman and walked with you towards a group of women who included his wife Elizabeth Shelby and the judge’s wife Marianne.

‘Did you know that I was Oswald’s wife when you made an advance towards me?’ you asked curiously as he walked with you across the dancehall.

‘Of course not. Otherwise, I would not have touched you’ Tommy said with a serious face and somewhat flustered, causing you to giggle.

‘What’s so fucking funny, eh?’ he asked.

‘Nothing. It’s nothing’ you said, still giggling.

‘I don’t see the humour in this Y/N. What you are doing is dangerous. Your husband is a dangerous man. But I am sure you know this’ Tommy said firmly as he stopped near the champaign fountain before handing you a glass of champaign.

‘What I am doing is it dangerous? If I recall correctly, it was you who kissed me first’ you said.

‘Yes, which I did before I knew who you were married to. You could have fucking told me, eh’ Tommy said.

‘Well, if it’s any consolation to you, I didn’t know you were my husband’s acquaintance in business. In fact, I didn’t really take you to be a fascist when I met you. What is it that you are doing for the orphanage anyway? Wiping clean your conscience after supporting racism and cheating on your wife?’ you asked sharply as you quickly drank the entire glass of champaign.

Tommy grinned at you. He was carrying a sheepish smile across his face.

‘I don’t have a conscience Love. I do bad things. That’s just who I am. But, by listening to you, I take it that you do not support your husband’s cause Mrs Mosley?’ Tommy said as if he was asking a question.

‘Well, Mr Shelby, despite of you what you are telling me here, I don’t think that you do either’ you said firmly, but Tommy ignored your comment entirely as you finally approached the group of women he was intending to introduce you to.

‘I would prefer if our little indiscretion at the library could stay between us eh’ Tommy whispered.

‘Agreed’ you sighed quietly just before Tommy introduced you to his wife Lizzie.

You talked to Lizzie for a quite some time and you could tell that Lizzie and Tommy had problems of their own. Their marriage was a marriage for show just like yours and Oswald’s marriage. Lizzie hated to be at this event just as much as you did and you soon became to learn of her past from your husband, who felt it necessary to tell you. He also saw the need to tell you that, many years ago, he slept with Lizzie when she was still a prostitute and you became to wonder about Tommy’s motives involving himself in the fascist movement. How could he work with your husband after your husband acted the way he did, rubbing his past relations with Lizzie into Tommy’s face every chance he got.

But, perhaps Tommy didn’t care. After all, it was evident to you that Tommy had married Lizzie simply because he had to. Their child was born just after they were married and in a position like his, you could not have children with someone who you weren’t married to. It was the norm and common practice.

In some way, you were thankful that you weren’t able to conceive even following many attempts by your husband to get you pregnant. At least this way, you were hopeful that, once your husband’s party gained power, he would decide to leave you for another woman. Divorce was less frowned upon if you didn’t have children. After all, who could deny an important man like him to have children of his own if his wife was infertile.

With these thoughts running through your head, the remainder of the evening went somewhat uneventful and you and your husband left at around midnight.

After you went to bed, he arranged for a prostitute to come by the house. This wasn’t unusual and it didn’t bother you. In fact, you switched off to the sounds he made when sleeping with another woman in your house. Sometimes you felt as though he was doing it in order to hurt you since you weren’t a very attentive wife. But you didn’t care. In fact, that night, your thoughts were lying entirely with a different man. His acquaintance, Thomas Shelby, by whom you were intrigued by despite his association with the party.

Little did you know that, soon, you would meet him again in a familiar location.

The Library

It was a week after your last encounter with Tommy at the charity ball that you decided to continue your work at the orphanage library.

You’ve been stacking books on shelves all day until, at 4 o’clock in the afternoon, you saw a familiar face.

‘Mr Shelby, what a surprise’ you said as you finished packing up the last of the books and noticed Tommy walking towards you through the library hall.

‘Good Evening Mrs Mosely’ he said as he approached you.

‘Good Evening….What are you doing here?’ you asked politely.

‘I had a meeting in the area and thought I would stop by to see how the library is coming along’ Tommy said, keeping his distance from you this time around.

‘Oh, I see, your conscience is playing tricks on you Mr Shelby, eh?’ you said sheepishly, causing Tommy to laugh.

‘Perhaps…’ Tommy said before taking a pause. ‘This is for you Y/N. I thought you might like it’ Tommy said as he handed you a book entitled ‘Changing the way we think – A contemporary view on the Revolution’.

‘Well, thank you Mr Shelby. But please enlighten me as to why are you are gifting this to me? I am sure you know that this book favours communism’ you asked.

‘It became obvious to me that this would take your interest and I suppose that I have a conscience after all. In fact, I felt as though I needed to apologise to you for my actions during our last encounter here at the library’ Tommy said.

‘I am delighted to hear that you are taking some responsibility for what happened between us Tommy’ you laughed. ‘And, I accept your apology’ you added with slight giggle before asking him whether it was ok for you to call him by his first name when your husband wasn’t around. You hated formalities.

Tommy agreed and told you that he had to leave shortly. According to him, he had business matters to attend to.

‘Can you stay for one drink at least? I have Whiskey’ you said.

‘Sure. I suppose why not’ Tommy said as he sat down on a chair near the desk in between the stack of books that haven’t been sorted yet.

You pulled out a small bottle of Irish Whiskey and two glasses from behind one of the shelves.

‘My husband doesn’t allow me to drink anything but champaign at public events. However, unbeknownst to him, I would, occasionally, indulge on a glass of his very expensive whiskey after work with your sister Ada’ you said sheepishly as you poured you both a glass.

‘Well, don’t worry, your secrets are safe with me’ Tommy smirked as he took one of the glasses from your hands.

‘Now, Y/N, I am intrigued. Did you actually choose to marry Oswald Mosley?’ Tommy asked.

‘No, I didn’t. But he chose to marry me. My father is the chief of police in London which should explain to you why I was his chosen wife’ you explained. ‘Although, no doubt, you are also aware that he would, on occasion, choose other women to keep him company as well’ you said shyly.

‘I’ve heard your stepmother is one of those other women he chooses to interact with privately on occasion. Is that true?’ Tommy asked sheepishly.

‘You know it is’ you laughed.

‘And it does not bother you?’ Tommy asked.

‘That my husband fucks my stepmother, my sister and every second whore in London? No, it does not bother me. At least this way he keeps his hands of me’ you said with a laugh.

‘I consider your husband’s taste when it comes to women rather questionable’ Tommy chuckled.

‘And why is that?’ you asked.

‘Because he’s got you. What does he want these other women for, eh?’ Tommy said.

‘Because he likes variety. Despite, I cannot give him a child. He said I am not worth his attention or effort’ you said after taking a deep breath.

‘The bruises, on your arms and neck, was this him then?’ Tommy asked, causing you to nod, small tears beginning to run down your face.

‘Yes, we argued and when I do not agree with him then this is what happens’ you said rather upset.

‘I am sorry’ Tommy said as he handed you his handkerchief so that you could wipe away your tears.

‘Are you? Because you seem to be reinforcing his ideals and you aren’t exactly faithful towards your wife either’ you said.

‘Perhaps you have gotten the wrong idea about me Y/N. And, for what it’s worth, me and my wife have an arrangement in place which permits me to be with other women. I would never hurt her. Also, no doubt you are already aware as to why I married her, eh?’ Tommy asked.

‘So, you don’t love your wife?’ you asked.

‘No, I don’t love my wife. But I trust and respect her and I promised her that I will agree with her request for a divorce after the elections. Perhaps your husband would be prepared to do the same’ Tommy said.

‘I think you know my husband better than that Mr Shelby’ you chuckled. ‘He will never let me go unless I am buried in the ground’ you said.

‘You might be surprised Y/N. I know that he’s taken an interest in another woman who supports his ideals’ Tommy said.

‘Well, perhaps there is hope for me then Tommy…’ you said before taking a deep breath.

‘You know, I often overhear Oswald talking, over the phone. He recently made allies in Germany and he is getting involved with the right-wing party over there which seems to be gaining popularity. I am not sure whether you are aware of this Tommy’ you said.

‘Why are you telling me this Y/N?’ Tommy asked, his face serious.

‘Because I can help you’ you said.

‘Help me with what, eh?’ Tommy asked.

‘With information. I have researched you after our encounter at the ball and, in the course of my research, I met a woman named Jesse Eden who was present in Birmingham during the assassination attempt on my husband. The man they believed to be the shooter was in France with you and, unlike my husband, I do not believe in coincidences’ you said.  

‘What you are alleging is absurd and you need to be careful when dealing with Jesse Eden. You should not involve yourself with the communists behind your husband’s back’ Tommy said.

‘Thomas, my husband beats me and treats me like a common whore. I have nothing to lose’ you said.

Tommy took a deep breath following your comment. He was speechless over the lack of fear in your eyes.

For some reason, he trusted you and you reminded him a lot of his late wife Grace when he first met her. You were young and determined to do the right thing and, looking at you, took Tommy back in time when he allowed himself to become vulnerable and let his feelings control him.

It wasn’t something that Tommy wanted to admit to himself, but he cared for you in the most obscure way. After France, this was a rare occurrence but, in this moment, Tommy’s feelings of guilt and desire for you took over his reasonable thinking mind.

‘Can you get a copy of the call records from the phone at your house from the directory?’ Tommy asked, causing you to nod.

‘Alright, then perhaps we can help each other, eh? Meet me tomorrow at 7 o’clock at the steel factory on Watery Lane’ Tommy said.

‘If my husband is home, I cannot leave at that hour’ you responded.

‘I will make sure that he won’t be home until the early hours of the morning’ Tommy said.

You agreed with Tommy’s request and, over the next few days, you were carefully collection the records he had requested.

The Factory

At 6 o’clock, your husband left the house to meet with a woman. You were certain that Tommy had arranged this, but you didn’t mind.

You quickly put on your coat and got into your Bentley which was parked behind the house.

The drive took you thirty minutes and you arrived at Watery Lane slightly early.

The factory door was open and you walked inside, making sure that no one saw you.

‘Did anyone follow you?’ Tommy asked after he greeted you, causing you to shake your head.

You followed Tommy through the building. Not a single person was inside. It was only you and Tommy and Tommy was quick to take you to his office on the upper floor.

His office was large with a brown cedar desk in the middle of it and a dark red leather lounge, a brown cedar table and two leather chairs on the side beneath a large window.

He had lidded the fire in his office and it was obvious to you that he had been working from his office for quite some time before you got there.

You sat down on the lounge and took off your coat, placing it over one of the arm chairs.

‘You are hurt’ Tommy said as he observed another large bruise on your arm.

‘It’s fine Tommy, I am used to it. Perhaps I am just weak’ you said as some tears were running down your cheeks as you opened your bag and pulled out a piece of paper.

You handed the paper to Tommy. It contained the phone records from the last three days.

‘I will make this right Y/N. I promise’ Tommy said as he sat down next you.

Tommy handed you a glass of whiskey and took the piece of paper from you before wiping your tears away with his thumbs.

‘Jesse Eden was right’ you chuckled as you took a sip of the whiskey he had given you.

‘About what?’ Tommy asked.

‘That, deep down inside, you are a man with morals’ you said as you gently touched his cheek, catching him by surprise.

‘And you are stronger than you think Y/N’ Tommy said before giving you a gentle smile which was somewhat unusual coming from Tommy.

In that moment, you remembered your kiss and the short period of intimacy between you several weeks earlier, an accident of some sort and an escape from reality for you.

Where would things have gone if he didn’t ask your name and if you never knew his? Would you have broken your vows again by now, the vows that meant nothing to you?

‘You know Tommy, I just want to feel something for once in my life. Feel desired, loved and wanted. Perhaps I am just being selfish fighting this fight against my husband but I want more from life than just being married to a man like him’ you said.

‘Y/N, this has nothing to do with being selfish. You are doing the right thing. It’s for the greater good of many people. You will be free of him one day and, when you are, you will get to experience everything that you deserve. Desire, love, everything you want. I promise’ Tommy said as he cupped your face gently.

‘Tommy, the truth is that I don’t want to wait any longer to feel all these things. I know that I might not actually get out of this alive if my husband finds out that I betray him and I don’t want to miss out’ you said.

‘So, what are you suggesting?’ Tommy asked.

‘Make me feel desired Thomas, please’ you said with need in your eyes. ‘I know you want to be with me. I’ve seen it in your eyes and I felt it that day at the library’ you said.

Tommy knew that this was a very bad idea, but he wanted you as much as you wanted him. He wanted you since the day he met you at the orphanage. You intrigued him just the way Grace intrigued him when she first started to work at the Garrison.

After taking a deep breath and unable to hold back his desire any longer, he leaned in and kissed you gently but passionately.

His soft lips pressed against yours while his hands caressed your face gently. It was unlike any other kiss you had ever experienced.

‘Is this what you want?’ Tommy asked as he broke the kiss for a moment.

‘This and so much more Tommy, please’ you said as you crashed your lips back onto his.

You had only ever been with one man before and this was your husband, who was brutal and hadn’t pleasured you, not even once. It was all about him when he forced himself on you and, luckily for you, the last time he made you sleep with him was almost a year ago.

With Tommy, you could feel desire. It was mutual desire for each other.

‘Alright…just another secret to add to our list of secrets, eh?’ Tommy smirked after he broke the kiss and placed a blanket and some pillows onto the floor in front of the fire place.

You looked at him curiously before he took your hand and guided you over towards the fire place before kissing you again gently.

‘I will give you what you want. But this needs to stay between us Y/N’ Tommy said as a soft smile ran over his lips.

‘That goes without saying Tommy’ you smiled while Tommy removed his suit jacket, gun holster and shoes.

You also slipped off your shoes but did not know what to do next, looking at Tommy full of questions.

But, within a split second, your questions were answered by Tommy’s actions. He caught your body to his, and you wrapped your arms around him, pressing your breasts into his chest.

Not knowing what to say, you reached up and pulled his mouth down to yours again. The touch of his warm lips brushing against yours caused a thrill of excitement to rush through you once more. His kiss was soft, gentle, and then became more urgent as you opened your mouth to accept his tongue. Your heart pounded so hard it hurt as you kissed him back fervently.

‘You are beautiful’ Tommy said as your lips drifted apart before kissing you again, deepening and lengthening it all the more, showing just how much he wanted you. This was the first time you were told this by a man and it felt amazing coming from him.

After your lips finally drifted apart, he simply smiled at you. The smile that crossed his face warmed your trembling limbs and hid your excited nervousness. You smiled in return, not trusting your voice. Of course, you wanted this every bit as much as he did. You wanted him more than anyone you had ever known, but now you felt somehow unstable when finally faced with having sex for the first time with a man you had actually chosen to be with.

The bravado you usually wore like a shield seemed to desert you, and even though you remained fully clothed, you felt naked under his heated gaze. You suddenly worried about your inexperience, your body and if he would still look at you in the same way once you were stripped of your clothes. God, this was a mistake. He couldn't want you the same way that you wanted him. You didn't know how you had managed to convince yourself that this could work.

Tommy saw the panic of insecurity rise in your eyes, and he reached out to gently push a stray strand of hair behind your ear and grazed your bottom lip with his thumb before bringing his mouth to yours again. It was a slow kiss, deepening as his desire built even further. He knew he needed to go slow with you, take you gently after all you’ve been through.

A hot rush travelled through your body as you responded to his kiss and felt him toying with the buttons on the back of your dress. One button at a time popped open under his fingers, and the cool air wrapped itself around your shoulders as he slid the bodice of the dress down to expose to his gaze the lace bra that you wore. You gasped as you felt him nuzzle into your neck and trace your collarbone with his lips.

Tommy groaned at the sight of you, trailing his fingers over the delicate white lace bra.

‘Are you wearing panties that match?’ Tommy asked with curiosity.

‘Yes, of course’ you moaned as he brushed his fingers across your lace-covered nipples. They surged under his caress and sent piercing streaks of arousal to your pussy.

His caress was like a hot spark through the fabric, and his touch excited you like you hadn't believed possible from your past experiences.

You didn't know how you would withstand his hands on the naked skin of your breast as you felt him reach behind you for the clasp. You felt the pressure of the material release, and without the slow unveiling you had expected, he pulled it away quickly and your breasts spilled out, ripe and firm, as the lace garment fell to the floor.

‘God, you're beautiful’ Tommy said again. But this time, his voice sounded more than husky, scratchy even, as if it was raw with the heat and lust he felt for you.

You felt a blush creep up your neck in response to his comment. The urge to cover your chest with your arms was strong, but you resisted.

Instead you decided to take the words he had uttered and bolster your flagging self-confidence to ask for what you wanted now.

‘Touch me please, Tommy’ you groaned. You'd hoped your voice would sound strong and self-assured. Unfortunately, you couldn't pull it off, and it shook with pure anxiety.

‘You couldn't stop me now if you tried’ Tommy groaned, cupping your breast and leaning down to swipe his tongue across one hard nipple.

‘Oh god Tommy’ you whimpered, as he teased the hard, little bud with his lips and rolled the other stiff nipple between two fingers. Your legs felt like they might collapse under you.

‘Maybe you better lie down eh’ Tommy grinned as he guided you onto the blanket and pillows on the floor.

Tommy was quick to remove his shirt but left on his black suit pants for now before leaning down over you and kissing you once more.

His lips soon trailed down your neck and returned to your small naked breasts.

There was intense look on his face as he took one of your thus-far neglected breast into his warm mouth. He licked and sucked, alternating between the two stiff peaks, until you trembled and gasped on the edge of something you'd never experienced before. You felt feverish with excitement. Your mouth was dry, but your body was more alive than it had ever been before. Without him having touched your pussy, it was wet, yet felt as if it was on fire and throbbing with need.

Shivers of anticipation shot up your spine, and you sucked your breath in raggedly as he dragged his insistent tongue down, letting it trail over your belly and to your navel. He pushed down on the bottom half of your dress, and you lifted your hips off the bed to help him remove it. Tommy took his time exploring your body, trailing his fingers and mouth over your belly and thighs, before running them teasingly over the lace of your panties, making your moan loudly.

‘Take off your panties. I want to see all of you’ Tommy said. His voice was thick with longing.

The panties were moist, evidence of your excitement, and you were certain that he could smell your arousal as you hooked your thumbs inside the waistband of the lacy white panties and wriggled out of them. You felt exposed, vulnerable, but also incredibly excited by the expression on his face, as he watched you offer your body to him. His expression showed eagerness, pleasure, even greed, you thought. There was no sign of the trepidation you had expected to see there.

Without taking his gaze from you he stood up and opened his belt and the zipper of his pants and finally shoved them down his legs with his underwear. He kicked them off and stood before you.

You couldn't stop the gasp that escaped your lips. Tommy's body was well-toned, with a broad chest and slightly tapering waist. Short hairs nestled between his nipples and ran in a thin wisp upwards towards the top of his chest which was covered with some army tattoos.

But it was his cock that held your attention. It stood, swollen and erect, thrusting out from his dark pubic hair. Your breath caught in your throat. It appeared impossibly thick and long, with distended veins running along the shaft. Your pussy throbbed at the sight of it, but your stomach churned in repressed fear. None of the intimate male parts you had seen before had ever looked quite so imposing. Could you take it? Would it fit? Oh God, you would have to stop him... Would he let your stop him now?

As he joined you again on the blanket in front of the fire place, his hands moved slowly and tenderly over your body, pushing the anxiety from your mind as they wandered over your contours and cupped your pussy gently. You groaned softly as his fingers caressed the lips, wet with your arousal, and then slid between their moistness into the entrance of your pussy. Tommy buried his face against your neck, kissing it gently.

You moved your pelvis in time with his probing fingers. They were curious and insistent and were creating marvellous sensations in your pussy.

You groaned and spread your legs wider, allowing him easier access.

‘Oh God, Tommy, that feels so…’ Your voice faded as he took immediate advantage of your pleasure, dipping his finger deeper inside your wetness. Your hips jerked suddenly at the familiar but yet pleasurable sensation of being penetrated by is thick fingers.

Tommy felt the heavy beating of your heart. Its rhythm matched his own, but the throbbing in his cock was wilder than he could remember. It took every ounce of his willpower to restrain himself and not plough into your immediately. The sight of you, naked beneath him, drove him crazy.

Unable to restrain his need to taste you properly, he kissed down your body again so that he could let his tongue slide through your glistening labia and taste your delicious essence as his lips sought out your fleshy clit.

‘Oh, Tommy! Oh, shit!’ you moaned, squirming under his mouth.

No one had ever kissed you there, in your most intimate area.

Your nails dug into his scalp to hold him there. You didn't want him to ever stop. His tongue was creating sensations in your that you had never experienced before. Masturbation had always been good for you. You knew how to use your fingers expertly to bring yourself to climax, but this was different. It was warmer, wetter and more teasing, with an intense build up that made you want to thrash around and cry out in pleasure and frustration. You rocked your pelvis against his mouth, your inhibitions fading into the background of the sensations he gave you. You moved with him, demanding more as he licked and explored you.

A squeal of pure pleasure tore from your lips as your spasms started deep inside. You trembled and gasped at the sensations that raced through your body to your pussy and exploded in a wave of pleasure that radiated back throughout your body again. As the waves of sensation crossed each other, you swore you would pass out. You held on to the here and now, enjoying the wild ride, and when you opened your eyes at last, you found him smiling at your, the edges of his mouth glistening with your juices.

‘Holy fuck, Tommy’ you said as he moved back up towards you which is when you boldly reached out to caress the rigid cock pressed into your side, eager at the thought of giving him the same pleasure he had just given you.

It was hot and hard in your hands, and a small trickle of precum dribbled from the tip. Moving to a better position, you bent your head and tentatively stroked the velvety shaft against the side of your soft cheek, before dragging the tip of your tongue over the crown. Very gently, you drew it into your mouth and sucked slowly, lovingly, savouring his meaty thickness. You were surprised by your own enjoyment of this. You hated doing this to your husband when you were required to, but with Tommy, it was different.

‘Fuck, I'm hanging on by a thread here, Y/N, and I won't be able to hold out if you do that much longer’ he grunted after about ten minutes of you pleasuring him and as he watched your latch your soft lips onto his throbbing hardness. You moaned, overcome with the sensation of having him in your mouth and the taste of his excitement.

‘Then don't. I came, so come for me, Tommy. I want you’ you said after lifting your lips from his cock and looking up at him through hooded lids that only served to stoke the fire of his desire to even higher levels.

‘No’ he groaned and pulled you from his cock, pushing your back onto the blanket.

‘The first time I come tonight will not be in your mouth’ he grimaced.

A rush of adrenaline shot through you as he moved between your thighs. You felt the heat coming off him as he nudged himself against the moist outer lips of your pussy.

You spread your legs, and he rubbed the head of his cock over your slickness.

He hesitated for a second as he struggled to get himself under control then, leaning forward and supporting himself with his arms, he pressed ahead, pushing himself into your wetness.

His attention was focused on the warm, wet feeling of your lips surrounding his cock. They opened slowly to him, and he slowly pushed himself into the velvety depths of you.

‘Oh, Tommy’ you moaned. Your voice was tremulous and shaky as he filled you and stretched you beyond what you had known.

Hearing your tremulous moan, he thrust forward sharply and groaned as he slid all the way up inside you.

You winced and bit the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from crying out.

Your breathing was fast and shallow as your pussy opened and stretched to take all of him.

Despite the soreness and feeling of being overfull, it was a wondrous moment for you, finally knowing what it felt like to be with a man who you desired.

It wasn’t long until you became accustomed to the amazing fullness, yet he struggled to accustom to you.

 ‘Fuck, you're tight’ Tommy gasped at the snugness of you, barely holding onto his self-control. Now that he was in deeper, surrounded by your wetness, he was careful not to move, to let you get used to the feel of him inside you.

It almost killed him not to plunge repeatedly into you. His cock felt harder than it ever had and your cries of pleasure, knowing no one had ever made you feel like this, made him feel more virile, more potent than he ever had.

‘I'm okay Tommy. You don't have to hold back’ you said as you breathed into his neck, clinging on to him tightly.

You wrapped your legs around his hips and raked your nails down his back as he sunk deeper into you. The eyes looking down at you were tinged with concern and fire, but you wanted his desire, his passion, to feel beautiful in his arms. You wanted him to make love to you, but you also wanted him to fuck you.

Tommy moved his hips slowly, sliding his cock back and forth inside you, letting you get used to the rhythm.

You moved with him, intuitively pushing your pelvis upwards as he slid into you. Each time he buried himself in your pussy, your clit was trapped against the upper side of his shaft. You moaned loudly at the exquisite sensations and ground your pussy up against him even harder, pumping back faster, until the sounds of your bodies slapping against each other and the squelching sound of your passionate fucking sent a wave of need and pure lust through him.

‘Oh yes Tommy’ you gasped, licking his neck and biting at his shoulders.

‘Don't hold back. Please, I need you to fuck me’ you gasped again, unbelieving that you had said the words that chased around your brain out loud.

your words caused the blood to rush through his veins and pound in his head. He stared into your desire-filled gaze but, when his eyes locked with yours, a deeper connection hit him with more force than he had ever known with any woman since Grace.

‘Fuck Y/N’ Tommy moaned. Your name tore from his lips as he plundered your body. His tongue drove into your mouth, sweeping inside, tasting, commanding, and taking what he needed. He could no longer restrain himself and he let himself go, fucking you the way he'd wanted to ever since you had appeared in his life. With a growl of pure lust, he pumped his hips, plunging into you over and over. He couldn't get deep enough.

‘Oh god Tommy, don’t stop’ you moaned as he drove into you. Your body arched and undulated under his fevered lovemaking. The muscles of your pussy clenched and spasmed around his cock as a great bubble of pleasure rose up from your toes, engulfed you and burst into shards of explosive release that had you shuddering and sobbing.

‘Fuck’ Tommy moaned at the sight of your pleasure. Your face and torso were flushed, your breath raspy, as you writhed beneath him and clawed at him while your body peaked again.

You cried out his name once more, and he lost it. A roar exploded from him as his body crested and he toppled over the edge. His cock throbbed and pulsed, spilling his anguish and a steady stream of cum into you.

After he came down from his high, he collapsed on you gasping, trying to regain his breath.

After he gently pulled out of you, you could feel some of his warm cum leak from your most intimate part as he rolled to the side, lying next to you.

He held you close as your head was resting on his chest.

‘I am sorry for the unpleasantness of the location and the hard wooden floor’ Tommy chuckled.

‘There is no need to be sorry Tommy. You’ve just given me more pleasure than anyone before’ you said, causing Tommy to smile.

‘I promise that, next time, we will fuck on a bed, eh…a comfortable bed’ Tommy smirked.

‘So, this wasn’t a one off then?’ you asked.

‘It doesn’t have to be, if we are careful’ Tommy said, thinking that, how much worse could it possibly get. You are already conspiring against your husband together so, when you meet to exchange information, you might as well sleep with each other.

But little did Tommy and you know that your husband may soon find out about your indiscretions when nature takes its course.

[h34rtizuku]

𝔭𝔦𝔱𝔶 𝔭𝔞𝔯𝔱𝔶

i hate angst without happy endings, but i’m also self-destructive. therapy is expensive, but ripping your own heart out and bearing your insecurities into a full-fledged story for you and others to read? free.

warnings : angst without a happy ending, insecurities, jealousy, mayhaps toxic behavior?? idk if ur looking for a good time, this isn’t for you bestie <3 also i might misspell uraraka’s name wrong a few times, i’ll fix them later :*

being quirkless had its advantages. with such a small number of us being born without powers, it left a lot of the mundane jobs open.

which is why, as soon as pro-hero deku opened his agency, i came to him with the request to be his assistant.

on the daily, he had people coming up to him asking for internships or to be his sidekick. but he never had anyone ask to be his assistant.

being the number one hero often meant that every day things, things one may take for granted or deem insignificant became just another list of things on the busy man’s to-do list.

therefore the appeal of having someone file his paper work and run to get him coffee in the morning was great enough to hire me.

and i was glad he did.

this is what i have been working for since i was a first year in high school. after watching the freckled boy break limb after limb to defeat his opponent.

yeah, i saw it as irresponsible and stupid that he had to break his own body to save others. but i was willing to overlook it.

my one goal during my remaining years of high school and up to college was that wherever that little green haired boy went, i would follow.

and that reigned true as his assistant. i would shuffle after him like a duckling following it’s mother, wherever he needed me.

if he needed me in a briefing to take notes for him, i was there. if he needed me to put in overtime to help him file the last minute paperwork, i was there. if he wanted a particular pastry from a specific bakery half way across town, i was there.

izuku was never mean, or demanding. always thanking me profusely for anything i ever did for him. leaving me to remind him that this was my job, and any way to make his life easier was good enough for me.

but maybe i should have held onto those blushed cheeks and crinkled eyes as he thanked me for the coffee that he didn’t even know he needed, for a just a little bit longer.

you know how a child will open a new toy on christmas and it quickly becomes their new favorite toy? playing with it non-stop, taking it wherever they go. until one day, they grow bored of it and never touch it again as it grows dusty at the bottom of their toy bin.

i know izuku wasn’t doing it on purpose, he didn’t have an intentionally mean bone in his body. i guess you could say, some other toys came around and took his attention away.

and that toy, was a particularly difficult mission in collaboration with uravity’s agency.

the two spent long hours cooped in his office as they went over notes, plans, intel, etc. until the conversation melted into talk about the old days and the wonderful memories they had together in high school.

i went to work the following days with absolutely no energy to handle whatever would be thrown at me. i hadn’t been able to get much sleep, as when i closed my eyes the only thing i could see was the look in his eyes when he saw her.

my patience was already thin given the events of the most recent week, but when the printer started malfunctioning leaving me unable to fax the papers izuku wanted me send, you could say that was the first domino.

i swatted and kicked and pressed any button on the stupid machine. telling myself i was merely trying to get to stupid thing to work, but deep down i knew that the printer was just my temporary punching bag. an outlet to unleash my anger and emotions onto something instead of letting them fester inside me.

so when one of izuku’s sidekicks came by, giving a snarky comment about my behavior, i was able to brush it off with a roll of my eyes and an equally snippy comment back.

but as the hunk of plastic remained steady in its plan to ruin my day, the lack of sleep and lingering resentment started to bubble within me once more.

i heard footsteps behind me and a joking voice say, “having a bit of trouble are we?”

if it weren’t for the white hot anger buzzing in my ears i may have been able to identify the voice before i lashed out on them. but we already established this was not my day.

so as my hands moved to clutch the machine below me, most likely to restrain my abuse to merely verbal instead of physical. i spit out, “listen i’m fucking trying okay? so how about you get off my ass and do something useful.”

i turned around to face who i thought would be another sidekick sent to push my buttons. but i instead came face-to-face with the green haired man himself.

eyes blown wide, mouth agape in shock, a light blush dusted under his freckles as he fought to handle the situation the best way he could.

but i beat him to it with a deep bow and an endless flow of apologies, opting to only blame my anger on the malfunctioning piece of junk behind me and not the several other reasons i was plotting murder in my head.

with a gentle smile and a soft chuckle he placed his hand to the back of his head, rubbing at the baby jade hairs of his undercut. “i see. bad days happen to the best of us.” he replied, his voice like honey.

i became drunk on the minor interaction he was giving me, bringing me back to the beginning days at this job where we would spend late nights trying to keep each other awake under the only singular yellow light as we finished paperwork. or where sometimes he’d invite me to spend lunch with him as he felt he’d enjoy the company.

i got lost in the intricacies of his face as he tampered with the printer. thin eyebrows furrowed in concentration, bottom lip captured between his thick scarred fingers as he muttered to himself.

i fell in a trance, locked on the slope of his button nose, his gemstone eyes, and chubby caramel cheeks dusted in freckles.

he looked essentially like the same boy i saw on the screen all those years ago, yet matured and hardened by the realities of life.

i wanted nothing more than to reach out and protect him any way my small quirkless body could. to be there for him the same way he was for everyone else.

he eventually got the printer to work with a boyish smile on his face as he told me that despite the good roughing up i gave the machine, he was able to locate and handle the issue. “next time, skip the punching and come find me, yeah? i’ll help with any problems you face.” he joked as he made his way into his office to resume his work.

i didn’t know it was possible to fall harder for that man, but he proved with every day of his existence that the impossible didn’t apply to him.

i was finally able to get some sleep the next few nights as my eyelids filled with the blush on his cheekbones and his gaze of concentration.

but my trip to cloud 9 didn’t last very long as the occasional meeting with uraraka became trips to her agency, and occasional meetings in civilian clothes to civilian places, like coffee shops and corner stores.

to anyone else, those would read as dates. to me, they read as dates. but izuku assured the gossiping sidekicks that it was strictly professional ~ nothing more, nothing less.

i knew that i would end up with more fits of restlessness and sleepless nights as i pictured the two of them laughing over a cup of coffee. so i sought out a replacement.

a moment. a look. a sentence.

anything directed at me that would choke out the ugly thoughts and images my brain would show me of the two of them together.

so that afternoon as i brought him his lunch, i placed the box safely onto the table beside him as he continued skimming through the papers littered across the desk.

he muttered a small ‘thank you’ but it wasn’t enough. as my hand moved to place his drink that i held in my other hand next to his food, a different idea popped in my head.

my hand moved faster than my brain could register what it had just planned to do. squeezing just enough for the lid to pop off and slip from my fingers to tumble into his lap.

as soon as the liquid and ice hit his lap he flew up from his seat and away from his desk.

my hands flew up to my mouth as a string of apologies fell from my lips. eyes watering in guilt as they moved around the room trying to locate something to soak up the mess with.

“i am so sorry, my fingers slipped and before i knew it i had lost control of the cup. i-i can’t tell you how sorry i am.” i rambled as i took my blazer off to wipe at the wet stains starting to form at the bottom of his teal suit.

“hey, hey, hey.” he said softly, taking my tinier hands into his large and battered ones. warmth enveloped my clutched sticky hands as he gently urged me to stand from my crouching position in front of him.

“it was an accident. no harm, no foul.” he said with a soft smile.

i should feel bad, as it wasn’t entirely an accident. but the warm and gentle look in his eyes made what little guilt i felt crumble away.

his thumbs rubbing soft circles to my skin as he worked to get the tears to stop streaming from my eyes was enough to get me to sleep like a baby for a good 2 weeks.

until it became a cycle. he would spend too much time around uraraka, and then i would do something all in the name of garnering his attention back on me.

was it wrong of me to do, to take advantage of his kindness? to take advantage of the fact that he was naive to my true intentions? maybe.

but i felt i deserved it. i felt i deserved to be looked at the same way he looked at her.

i wasn’t any different than she was. with the way she used her big brown eyes to pull him in. or the way her cute behavior made him blush. or the way her sweet way of talking made him laugh.

i can’t be her, or compare to her. so i found my own way around it. and no one could fault me for doing so. they just couldn’t.

at the end of the mission, uravity decided to throw a party in celebration of their win. a nice formal gathering, with everyone she had involved.

when izuku pulled me aside one late night to tell me that he was extending the invitation to me felt akin to a marriage proposal.

i wasn’t involved much in the case, merely being used as the one who provided them their lunch on their long meeting days. or filing and organizing the paperwork and notes that they would compile. i wasn’t out in the field, breaking bones like izuku or saving lives like uraraka.

i didn’t deserve to go, but i didn’t care. izuku had invited me personally and damn it, i was gonna be there.

yet, i shouldn’t have gone.

i shouldn’t have spent the hours on my makeup. i shouldn’t have enlisted the help of my best friend to do my hair as i gushed about how izuku had personally invited me, how he was the most perfect man ever, and how i was undoubtedly in love with him.

i shouldn’t have spent the week leading up to the event going from shop to shop trying to find the prettiest dress that was just the exact color of his eyes. i shouldn’t have spent about half my paycheck on said dress when i found it.

i shouldn’t have decided to face my fears and step out of my comfort zone to join a group of heroes that i knew were old classmates of izuku’s as they whispered about something that clearly was a raving topic.

because then i wouldn’t have heard how izuku was planning on confessing to uraraka. i wouldn’t have heard how this mission caused old high school feelings to rekindle. i should have known my place.

and that was far away from here, from the hero scene. i should have grown up to be an accountant or a chef.

when my father took me to get that checkup when i was 5, to confirm that there truly resides no quirk inside me.

i should have left it at that.

when i was riding my bike that day as a first year and i saw the group of boys huddled around a screen as they tuned into the u-a sports festival, i should have kept riding.

as maybe it would have saved me a lot of pain.

i backed away slowly, heels tapping against the tile floor as i hurried out of the building.

i didn’t realize how suffocated i felt until the chilly autumn hair brushed my face and into my lungs.

my whole body felt hot, i felt numb. i stumbled onto the sidewalk as i looked into the dark azure sky glittered with stars.

the tears finally spilled from my eyes as the stars muddled together into a messy blur. my stomach swirled and tensed as pit of nausea sunk in my stomach.

my chest heaved as it tried to process the crisp cold air into oxygen, but my throat was too tight to let much in.

i gasped and sobbed as my back hit the brick behind me, my legs wobbling unable to carry my weight much longer.

i slid into a crouched position as my tears mixed with the black of my mascara. streaming in pools down my cheeks, neck, and chest.

in the midst of my sobbing and heaving, i called my friend who was still at my apartment awaiting details of that night when i came home.

knowing it was far too early for me to be calling her she picked up the phone with confusion. it didn’t take much words from me, not like i gave her much, to convince her that she needed to come pick me up.

as she hung up the phone, my hand slipped from my ear, falling limp to my side as i placed my head into my other arm resting atop my knees.

this was inevitable and i knew it. no matter how many ways i was able to manipulate a sweet glance from him, it didn’t mean anything.

izuku was nice to everybody. sweet to everyone. kind to anyone.

but with her, it was different. he treated her that way, not because he had to, but because he wanted to.

they had years of memories, of laughs. they were perfect for each other, both smart, and kind, and always looking to help others. never acting selfishly or for personal gain.

they shared soft touches like they did old stories. they looked at each other with the same respect and admiration.

i was wrong. uraraka and i are nothing alike. she didn’t have to beg izuku to look at her like she hung the moon, he did so without asking.

unbeknownst to me, as i was manipulating izuku into these fabricated moments of gentle gazes and kind words, i was manipulating myself.

lying to the deepest parts of me that knew that this wasn’t real. that i wasn’t her. that he didn’t think of us the same way.

to him, uraraka is an old friend, who views the world the same way he does, who shares his same passions, who built her quirk to do some good within this world.

to him, i was a coffee-getter, the girl who knew his lunch orders like the back of her hand, the girl who filed his papers. the quirkless little fangirl who practically begged him to give her a job under him.

i heard the metal door open and snap shut announcing that someone was now outside with me. however, i just assumed it was a party-goer stepping outside for a smoke or a phone call so i didn’t bother to look up.

i also wasn’t in the mood for if the person happened to be a drunk girl who was ready to become my therapist as she saw me crouched on the sidewalk wishing to become one with the cement and simply cease to exist.

“there you are, i was wondering where you went?”

i would have taken the amateur therapist over this.

the voice belonged to izuku, dripping with sugar and default kindness.

if i could become one with the bricks just a little bit faster that would be great.

“hey, are you alright?” his tone became worried but i still didn’t dare to look up from my arms.

“do you feel sick? did something happen? do i need to take you home?” there he goes, into hero mode. ready to drop anything to help anyone facing the slightest of inconveniences.

“please just leave me alone.” i mumbled, throat tight and voice wavering as i try to hold the tears that still remain to fall.

“what did you say? i didn’t quite hear you.” he said softly, gently setting his large hands onto my exposed shoulder.

they should feel like welcoming warmth, but instead they felt blistering hot as i shoved them away as quickly as i could.

“i said leave me alone.” i said, slightly louder as i no longer was stuffed in my arms and knees.

he immediately saw the mess my face was in, i could tell by the way he quickly reverted fully into deku.

“hey, what’s wrong? whatever it is, i can help. didn’t i say you could come to me whenever you ne-“

“oh my god just stop! i can’t take it anymore.” i snapped, finally able to look him in the face.

but not for long as i saw the same look on his complexion as the first time i snapped at him.

“you’re too fucking nice. leaving you vulnerable for people to take advantage of you. giving them a reason to be selfish.”

“i dont-“ he tried to start but i cut him off.

“i don’t need a hero, izuku. there are people you just can’t save.”

as he worked to wrap his head around what was happening, my friend pulled up in my getaway car.

i bent down and grabbed my purse, but before i could fully escape this night, izuku grabbed my wrist causing me to stare into his eyes.

now lit aflame with desperation, “please just tell me what’s wrong. let me help you.” he encouraged softly.

but i wasn’t going to fall for it, not again.

i wasn’t gonna be played for the fool as i took the soft look in his eyes for anything but the gaze of a hero hoping to add another save to their statistics.

“god you never know when to quit!” i yelled as i yanked my wrist back. “and i hate that i-“

loved that about you?

no, love that about you.

i shook my head, thankful that for once my brain caught my actions before i spilled and made a mess again.

i walked quickly to the car, opening the passenger door almost as fast in hopes that within its metal sanctuary i could finally escape this hell.

“y/n- i-“

“mr. midoriya.” i just about whispered, my energy long since drained.

he laughed gently and i cursed the way my heart squeezed a little at the sound.

still head over heels for the angelic sound.

“you haven’t called me that in a long-“

“i quit.”

“w-what?” he muttered in disbelief.

i wouldn’t believe it either, not after the way i came to him nearly 4 years ago saying i would even be willing to clean toilets if he asked me to, so long as i got to work for him.

“i quit.” i repeated.

“you don’t mean that.”

he’s right i didn’t, not really.

hot tears started to dribble as my lower lip puckered in a sour quiver.

“no i do, sir.” i shook. “i will send someone to collect my things on monday.”

and with that i closed the door.

“drive.” i whispered to my friend who after a moment of looking at me, trying to read me, silently put the car into drive and started forward.

leaving izuku behind to stumble after the car, mouth muttering, trying to form any sort of sentence or sense.

but i couldn’t see him, knowing not to look at the mirrors situated on the side of the vehicle.

for they too are liars, as objects in the mirror are farther than they appear.

*** my little blue bitch working overtime

🧼 also mayhaps “soap” by melanie martinez fits this story… unintentionally ~ but if i’m wrong it’s cuz i haven’t listened to it in a while

[mollywilliams]

THE BASICS

Name: Molly Elizabeth Williams.

Gender: cis Female, She/Her.

Age: Thirty-One.

Birthday: October 23rd, 1991.

Zodiac Sign: Scorpio.

Location: Aslihan’s Guest House, Claret Park, Providence Peak, CO.

Birthplace: New Kingman-Butler, Arizona.

Orientation: Bisexual.

THE PHYSIQUE

Eye Color: Brown.

Natural Hair Color: Brown.

Height: 5′ 8″.

Body Type: Athletic.

Allergies: Latex (inclusive of food sensitivity to avocado, banana, passion fruit, and kiwi).

Dominant Hand: Left.

Scars: A darkened area on her right knee from several clumsy base slides, a fading burn or two on her arms because girl refuses to use an oven mitt, and several (tw implied domestic abuse) thin scars scattered over her body from brushes with the devil.

Tattoos: Shark linework done by a friend who’s couch she was crashing on in Florida bc they decided they randomly wanted to be a tattoo artist one day ( x, nsfw )

Piercings: She absolutely has her belly button pierced. End sentence.

( trigger warnings for implied domestic abuse and implied abortion )

Life is like a box of chocolates. At least, that’s what Tom Hanks liked to say in his hit movie Forrest Gump. Molly, on the other hand, preferred to view life as a box of fireworks. Some moments, such as her relationship with her father, lit up the sky brightly only to slowly fizzle out over time, never really amounting to anything more than a disappointment and when the sparks were gone, it left a dull smokiness tinted sky behind, empty and void.

When she was born, Henry Peter Williams wasn’t a half-bad kind of dude. He showed up to her birth, at least, so that had to be something, right? Sans the fact that he insisted her middle name should be Elizabeth and her mother, unknowing that it was the name of his long lost lover, agreed to it, thinking it had a nice flow with the rest of her name. Molly Elizabeth Williams. It did have a ring to it, but she scoffed now, thinking about how stupid her mother was to not see what was right in front of her. Her dad did a good job of hiding it, though, the way his heart longed for someone else; another family, another life, one that Molly was always curious about but never questioned. And at first, it didn’t matter, because her dad was hers and he was there. He was there for her middle of the night feedings, every time she tripped as she took her first steps, her skinned knees during her preschool age when she still hadn’t managed to get the hang of her knobby knees or gangly limbs, and her baseball practices during elementary school, when she insisted she was going to play baseball instead of softball because it the sport shouldn’t be different because she was a girl. Even after, he had been the type of dad to stay at the field late, throwing the ball back and forth as she practiced her catches, tapping her baseball cap over her eyes as they laughed on their way to get ice cream.

He was a good dad - at first. Just like the firework was a good firework. The golden sparkles creating a waterfall over the spectators, garnering ooh’s and ahh’s, commenting how much of a good dad he was. But just like the firework, that part of his life fizzled out. It happened slowly. A Busch here and a Miller Light there, stacked up precariously against the slew of pizza boxes in their trailer, always able to tell what kind of day it had been by the size of the tower. The fizzle dropped a spark, her mother, beautiful at first only to turn into ash as it hit the ground, just a piece of burnt cardboard in the end. She didn’t remember much about the woman leaving, just mumbled words in the dark dawn of a morning, a promise to come back for her which turned out to be as empty as the beer cans against the wall, and a claim that she just couldn’t do it anymore. Like the burst of brightness in the sky, there was always an end.

After her mom left, the sky dimmed, and there wasn’t much of a show anymore, yet somehow, Molly still felt like there was an audience laughing and clapping somewhere, like everyone was in on the joke except her, because that’s what it felt like, a joke. It was the only thing she could think of that kept the tears from rolling down her chubby cheeks. And even though there wasn’t much of a show, the show still went on regardless. It just went on a little more sporadically - a burst of light here, a large boom there, all seemingly going off without a care in the world, a reckless abandon that was left unsupervised as her dad spiraled, hopping in and out of jobs like he did women, never really finding a stable ground to land on as she was tasked with not only taking care of herself, but taking care of him as well. She went to school, found a job, moved her dad to the couch when he’d passed out at the kitchen table. Sometimes, there were times in her life that felt like the little fireworks that were always meant to be shaped like something, a heart or a smiley face, and even though they were almost always upside down, they still brought a tiny bit of excitement to the patient onlookers.

Then, there were moments like her first and last long term relationship and the way his palms first landed against her skin, like a different kind of firework, one that you barely saw coming but heard loud and clear when it did, startling everyone watching, startling her the most. Yet, the crowd still stayed, still were fooled by those unexpected roars in the late night sky and somehow, deep down, sad to see them disappear. She met him during her senior year of high school. He was nineteen and had his own place, a trailer a few courts down from her own where she started spending all of her time. She should have known, by the familiarity of the stack of cans in the corner, but Molly knew he wasn’t anything like her dad. It wasn’t like she ended up being wrong. Sadly, she turned out to be right - he wasn’t anything like her dad. He was over attentive, where her dad was a useless lump on the best days and gone with the wind on the worst. He was controlling, where her dad stopped caring about what she did a long time ago. But most of all, the way he laid his hands on her was anything but a little tap on a baseball cap. Yet there she was. Molly Elizabeth Williams. Easily fooled by the beauty of the firework to not be prepared for the loud crack of the sky that came after.

It took years of those relentless fireworks, one after another, like it was some kind of grand finale of her life that caused her to cackle with laughter when she was finally alone, those tears she’d tried to keep inside a long time ago finally rolling over her cheeks, no longer chubby with the innocence of childhood. That was long gone and instead, she was left with two pink lines and a few dozen scars as the show rushed around her, spitting colors and upside down smiley faces and bursts of light every which way. If that was the end, at least it would be a fitting one.

But, maybe Forrest Gump was right and fireworks were a shitty analogy for life and instead, she should just throw the whole fucking box of chocolates away and start over somewhere new without fireworks or chocolates. The opportunity came when her then-boyfriend had been injured on the job, leaving him to depend entirely on her and he thought he had her captivated enough that he could. Until she received a call from the owner of the trailer court her dad lived in, claiming he hadn’t paid lot rent in a few months, and that she either had to pay it up for him or get out. So Molly took the chance to get out. She sold the trailer, threw away the box of chocolates, and made a pit stop at the local clinic before throwing her middle finger up at the fireworks show in the distance as she left, spending the next few years couch surfing with friends before ending up in the same city as the family she’d discovered never fizzled from her dad’s memory, intent on seeing if the brother she’d never known had turned out exactly like Henry Williams, or if he’d somehow found a way to escape the same fate she found herself headed down.

[vampiresuns]

Aelius Anatole Radošević De Silva

Anatole has changed a bit as a character since i was around the first time, so he’s getting re introduced. His open to make friends.

art by @elizastarkart​

Name: Aelius Anatole Radoševic De Silva. He has two surnames because his mother is latina. He is a mixed Latine-Slav, with family that is all latine, vesuvian, and slavic. People he’s friend’s with call him Anatole (russian/greek pronunciation, he doesn’t acknowledge the French one). Only people he has a strictly professional relationship with, and his uncle call him Aelius.

‘Aelius’ means sun, while ‘Anatole’ means sunrise. He’s fully aware of this, he chose his name himself.

His nicknames are:

‘Nana’ is the most common nickname, and the one most people use.

His mother calls him Lilito, Nana, Nanito, Toly, Tolito, Tortolito.

His father calls him Lily or Lilu.

Toly, Tolytoly or Tolito are nicknames used by his maternal grandmother, his aunt, and his Vesuvian family.

He will not mind if you want to call him Toly, but you cannot call him Lily/Lilu if you’re not his father.

Asra came up with Nanatole, which he doesn’t like but lets Asra call him anyway. Asra also came up with Nana Banana and that is absolutely forbidden.

Family: on his father’s side both the Radošević, who are slavic (yugoslavic, specifically), and the Cassano, a prominent Vesuvian family who has had a hold of the Consulship for years.

On his mother side, the De Silva.

His father’s name is Vladislav, but everyone calls him Vlad, he’s an alchemist, a polymath, and works in what is most similar to biochemical engineering. He has one bother, named Valeriy, who you, however, might now as Valerius. Vlad’s biggest personality trait is being head over heels in love with his wife, and adoring his son more than he thought it was humanly possible to care about someone.

His mother’s name is Louisa De Silva (if you want to add her mother’s surname, it’s Lascal). The L-o-u spelling was a registry mistake she never changed. She moved half across the world while her native country suffer a military-civilian dictatorship to study Medicine. She swore never to go back as long as vestiges of said dictatorship remained in the country. She has two sisters: Paris, who lives in Vesuvia, and Alma, who remained with her parents out of her own choosing. Her medical experience include having been a volunteer war doctor. She didn’t change her surname when she got married.

The Radošević (pronounced Radozheveech) and the Cassano have been entangled families by friendship for generations upon generations, with some marriages between them. Notoriously: Vlad and Val’s father married a Cassano, Matilda, and his bother Mircea, Anatole’s great uncle, also married a Cassano: Florentino. Mircea’s brother and Matilda Cassano died when Vlad and Val were children still, so him and Florentino brought them up.

The Radošević are an overall eccentric family (think the european Addams family), whom are noted for: one, their self-sufficiency/self-preservation, which comes out in a very ‘eccentric people of the world unite’ manner. They appreciate people with character. Two, their leanings towards trades/professions, they do not conceive not doing anything (work hard to play hard). The Cassano, while sharing the quirk, they add the zest for life. It’s like they grabbed the Radošević and told them “you have forgotten how to live and we will remind you how.” Both of them are ridden with racially ambiguous bastard you cannot kill in any way that matters. They simply refuse to. Someone (either the courtiers or Lucio) compared them to roaches, they took it as a compliment.

This will tell you a lot about Anatole’s character.

On a last note, Anatole’s an only child. He has a good relationship with his parents, albeit marked by a sense of distance, solely because he was privately tutored from age 15 and on, which required him to travel a fair share. He was an argumentative teenager, but always cherished whenever he could see his parents. The older he gets, the closer they all become.

Favourite Food: Cake

Favourite drink: Coffee, in general.

Favourite Flower: Iris

Birthday: Nov 1st

Age: 29 (I calculate his age as if he had been born in 1991)

Zodiac:

Sun: Scorpio

Moon: Virgo

Rising: Libra

Mercury & Mars: Scorpio

Venus: Virgo

Patron arcana: Strength & Ace of Swords

Strength

Upright: inner strength, bravery, compassion, focus, Reversed: self doubt, weakness, insecurity      

Ace of Swords

Upright: breakthrough, clarity, sharp mind, Reversed: confusion, brutality, chaos

MBTI Type: INTJ-A

Gender: Transmasculine, but Nonbinary. Uses He/Him pronouns only

Orientation: Identifies as NBLM.

LIs: Julian, Muriel, @ilyamatic​‘s Andrico, @thelazaretmakesmesad​‘s Vishal.

“The sun-like strategist with a solution for everything, and a whole lot of hope in the future.”

More details under the cut!

Physical appearance:

art by @lesbianarcana​

5′4. As you can see in the sprite down below, while he’s slim but with muscle, out of doing a moderate to high level of physical activity. The man has a nice waist and inherited his mother’s hips, which he’s very proud of. He likes his legs and his butt the most about himself

Dark brown eyes, long eyelashes. His hair is naturally black, but he dyes it blond.

Has a mole over his right eyebrow, on the left side of the bridge of his nose, and on his left jaw. He has freckles.

An horizontal scar on his nose, which he got by getting hit with a wooden scaffold square in the face. His nose wasn’t broken out of sheer dumb luck. He has a smaller cut on his cheekbone, which was done by a fencing sabre which lacked the proper tip protection/button. It was done onto him by someone else.

The nose scar is how he met Julian before the plague, as he was the doctor which cured his face.

He has several tattoos:

Right arm: A rapier on his inner forearm. Over his elbow he has a black work band, and over it the words ‘THE SUN IS MY UNDOING’ in all caps, circling his arm.

Left arm: a snake wrapped around his forearm, near to the wrist. The Odyssey quote ‘let’s have a toast to the incompetence of our enemies’ under the inner crook of his elbow, and a floral half sleeve.

Chest and Torso: AMOR OMNIA VINCIT over where his heart is supposed to be. He has laurel leaves on the base of his waist.

Legs: ‘o serpent heart hid with a flowering face‘ in his upper, inner thigh, like really up his left inner thigh. A floral anklet on his right ankle.

Languages Spoken: Too many. He speaks nine languages.

Magic Specialities: His magic is connected to both light and languages (it is a play on words with ‘logos’) so he is both adept in photokinesis — he is able to create and manipulate sources of light — and language related magic — which includes incantation and language manipulation. He learns languages as a faster rate than most people, and while he cannot speak or literally understand a language unless he learns it, his magic allows him to intuitively grasp the meaning of words that are being spoken to him.

This capacity also makes him very good at recognising hidden intentions in people. This is not an ability that he broadcasts having, and when he later succeeds Valerius as the Consul, it is something which aids his diplomatic work but he keeps private.

His words tend to carry more weight sometimes because of his magic, something which he can’t always control — it depends on many factors — so he tries to choose his words carefully and with consideration.

His familiar is a Raccoon, named Antu.

Occupation: While he did study magic and is in touch with his magic, he studied politics, diplomacy and international relations. By trade, and out of will to help people, he is a political analyst and, later in life, a Statesman.

Personality/Trivia:

Willpower or Stubbornness? Depends how you look at it. Passionate, generally devoted, hopeful, independent and sometimes defiant. He is a people-oriented introvert. Competitive, but not aggressively so.

Smarter than he gives himself credit for. Overall charming, even debonair.

Curious by nature, hates having his decisions taken for him.

He is proper, sometimes even distinguished, but he is feral. A firm believer in being kind and compassionate with people, until you cross him one too many times, then nothing will make him taint his vindictive wrath.

Is he humble? For the most part. His humbleness comes from knowing his own limits and knowing he’s not infallible. He does have, however, a good deal of pride in himself and trust in what he can do, and he doesn’t like being underestimated.

He’s not particularly loud, though when the chatterbox is on, then it is on, specially if he’s nervous. He is often never still. 

He’s known he has ADHD since he was seventeen.

Likes dancing.

He fences, almost every Radošević fences/sword fights, and he will let you know at the slightest chance. Which can be either him simply being hyper-fixated in fencing, him flirting, or him letting you know that if the occasion rises, he’s armed.

Friend shaped, lover shaped if you’re daring enough.

He wrinkles his nose when he doesn’t like something.

Speaking of which: he doesn’t like abuse of power, the Court, injustice, supremacists of any kind, unkind, hurtful and selfish people in general; he doesn’t like red meat (he says it tastes like metal or dirt), narrow minded people, incompetence, specially when displayed by people in positions of power, and purposeful apathy.

A mastermind archetype, but he draws his power from connection. He does not conceive a life not lived with others.

A bit of a bastard, he enjoys a good laugh.

He plays the piano and the harp, he sings, he cannot draw, he’s a lightweight when it comes to alcohol (which doesn’t really stop him), he likes the opera because he likes watching other people’s drama without being dragged into it, and his favourite season is winter. Also likes playing chess, reading, coffee, flowers, a well tailored outfit, learning, languages, the sea, mysteries, winter, a well laid argument, collecting quills, music, winning, knowing he loves and is loved in return.

When he was 7 he bribed his dad for more dessert, and he ate so much he vomited. His sweet tooth hasn’t gone anywhere, it is alive and well.

Perceptive little bastard, will knife cat you for the sake of it. He has a way more present sense of humour than what he comes across.

Would call himself a ‘trans masculine Mary Poppins’.

He is closest to his parents, his uncle, my other ocs Leonore, Medea and Sabine, his cousins Amparo Cassano and Milenko Radošević, Natiqa, Asra, Portia and Nadia.

If he liked women, he would be paired with Nadia. The possibility both terrifies and fascinates me.

@ilyamatic​, @viviae​, @gaybirdwrites​, @arcanaprentiss​ @apprenticeofcups​

[blouisparadise]

Upon request, here is part two of our mpreg Louis fic rec list. The first part of this rec list was done a while ago and can be found here. Happy reading!

1) Always Coming Back To You | Explicit | 4749 words

Harry's been missing Louis for eight days, and eight days without his Omega feels like decades in his pre-rut state.

Louis happens to come back to him earlier than planned.

2) Through The Storm | Mature | 6497 words

Note: This fic has no smut, but it is MPreg Louis so we included it.

Harry and Louis' marriage has hit a rough patch. A much needed week vacation in Jamaica just may be the second chance their relationship needs. What could possibly go wrong?

The answer?

Everything.

3) You Can Show Me Your Heart | Explicit | 6935 words

Note: This fic is locked and can only be read by AO3 users.

Everyone knows about the unsinkable Titanic, which tragically did just that in April of 1912. However, not many people know the story of the Carpathia - the ship that raced to rescue and aid the survivors of the Titanic when the distress call came through. This is the story of the events leading up to the luxury liner crashing into an iceberg on that fateful spring night. More than that, this is the story of how two of Carpathia’s passengers - Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson - met, fell in love and helped over 700 people in the cold Atlantic water.

4) Cooking with Styles | Explicit | 9119 words

Anyone can cook— or so they say.

5) Something To Prove | Explicit | 9425 words

Louis is the first and only omega to work at Red Valley Medical Center. Despite being more than qualified, he still faces prejudice for his career choice everyday. From patients refusing his treatment to condescending alpha doctors intervening with his work, practicing medicine in Boston is more challenging than Louis had ever thought it would be.

6) We Will Get Through This | Explicit | 11219 words

Because of quarantine, Louis has to stay home with his roommate, Harry, who he's never really hung out with before. He's a sweet alpha who seems to really care and that annoys the hell out of Louis. But as he gets to know the alpha, he realizes it might not be dislike that he's feeling.

7) Easily | Explicit | 13588 words

Note: This fic is a sequel to this fic.

Years later, Harry and Louis are as strong as ever and more than ready to take the next step in the story of their lives. It gets a little weird, a little confusing, but at the end of the day, it is as easy as can be.

8) Baby Honey | Explicit | 14744 words

Note: The pairing in this fic is Alex/Louis.

When the next great war strikes, all alphas have to ship out. Alex leaves a little more behind than some of the others.

9) The Post-War BP | Explicit | 17732 words

The eight year war has left the country's birthrate severely stunted with a lack of virile alphas left to bring it back up. To ensure the survival of the country, the government opens The Breeding Program where young omegas can apply to carry an alpha's child in exchange for benefits.  Louis' family is struggling and the BP is one of the only ways to secure a roof over their heads.  Harry was drafted at the age of eighteen and spent six years of his life defending a country he doesn't recognize when he returns home.  The government made the bed but it's Harry that has to lie in it.

10) Souls; Plural, Parallel | Teen & Up | 19679 words

Note: This fic has no smut, but it is MPreg Louis so we included it.

Soulmates are rare, the sort of rare that means everyone has a story about a friend's sister's coworker or a brother's roommate's cousin. But the fact of the matter is that most people never meet theirs. It's unfortunate then, that Louis finds out the hard way that he met his soulmate in a club, and the guy never texted him back.

11) Be Mine, Dear | Not Rated | 20104 words

It really wasn’t fair. He was the oldest of all of them. He’s the one who dreamed about being bonded his whole life, while Liam laughed at the idea, until he met Sophia. Niall had always been indifferent, but when he met Heather six months ago, everything changed for him. He quickly went from being the only omega around two alpha’s, to the odd omega out. And it really wasn’t fair, because Liam and Niall both still protected him just as much as the did before, just as much they do their new mates now, but he was still bitter about it, so he’d pity himself as much as he wanted.

12) Oops, Baby, I Love You (In That Order) | Explicit | 25344 words

The minute Louis Tomlinson decides he don’t need no man to start a family, Harry Styles literally falls into his arms.

13) I’m Having Your Baby (It's None of Your Business) | Mature | 26383 words

A bet can cost you a lot. Harry learns this in the weirdest of ways.

Louis just wanted a baby, and he got so much more.

14) The Things I'd Do To Wake Up Next To You | Mature | 36109 words

AU. Harry wakes up to a pregnant Louis Tomlinson and a wedding band on his finger.

15) If I Stay | Mature | 37226 words

Harry and Louis agree to a temporary arrangement that Harry can't seem to walk away from no matter how many times he tries.

16) You Put the Sun in Sunday | Mature | 42319 words

Louis is a love-brainwashed-teenager of hope drenched in dreams, clad in oversized clothes damaged with holes, and standing waist-high in novels. Harry is a selfish closeted football captain with a head too big for his heart, and a bad habit of not thinking before he opens his mouth. No one ever said love was easy, Louis learned the hard way.

17) Flash Forward (We’re Taking On The World Together) | Explicit | 44273 words

In which Omega Louis and Alpha Harry are absolutely perfect for each other and say I love you too much.

18) Every Story Has Its Scars, Ours Is A Brand New Start | Mature |  62859 words

Life as a devoted husband and an amazing father turned out to be a little different than Louis had expected. Everyone tells him it doesn't have to be that way; that he's worth more and that he's so much stronger than any one person trying to keep him down. It's all just words though until he meets the one person who makes him truly believe it.

19) Such Good Luck | Explicit | 66205 words

An Edwardian AU where Harry is a young aristocratic lord and Louis is a working class dairy farmer. Secrets are a necessary part of their relationship, but Louis has one that could topple their whole world.

20) Things I Can't | Not Rated | 67495 words

Louis has a plan for his life. He’s going to be the first in his family to finish college. He’s going to be a doctor - the best damn doctor in the country. And he’s going to work his ass off to make sure his younger siblings never have to wonder whether they have the means to pursue their dreams.

He doesn’t have space in his plan for a relationship with an effortlessly alluring musician, and certainly not for the child that unexpectedly results from that union. Louis is at a crossroads he never thought to plan for, and now he must make a decision: between what he wants now, and what he wants most.

21) I’m Still Learning To Love | General Audiences | 74695 words

Note: This fic has no smut, but it is MPreg Louis so we included it.

An AU where Harry has almost everything in the world except for the will to move on.

22) I Want You So Much (But I Hate Your Guts) | Mature | 83648 words

AU in which Louis gets accepted to play for the Manchester University Alpha-Beta Football Team. The only problem: Louis is actually an Omega. He is determined to make it big in the football world, though, and he can't do that bound to an Omega team. With the help of a faked doctor's certificate and some pretty strong suppressants he is ready to fight for his dream.

That Harry Styles (Alpha, second year and youngest football captain of the A-B team in ages) doesn't seem to like him complicates matters, though.

23) Fucking Animals | Explicit | 116688 words

Louis is the frontman of an equal rights-movement, author of a book about beta-omega marriage and the struggles of being born and boxed into a personality you don’t necessarily feel you fit. The notion that an omega must want to be with an alpha or else he or she’s just settling for less, is bullshit.

But, fucking hell.

24) Be My Omega | Mature | 138372 words

It all started when the alpha laid eyes on the short curvy omega and he knew at that moment that his life would never be the same, in a good way of course.

25) Cold Little Heart | Teen & Up | 194600 words

Louis is a soft omega with an abusive past and an alpha child. A few months after getting a divorce, Louis meets Harry, an ex-military alpha wolf that offers him something -odd.

In exchange for teaching him how to cook, Harry will babysit his son, Abraham. Louis really could use the help.

26) Love Me Until The End | Mature | 207130 words

AU where Louis, an Omega, is the head nurse of the hospital in charge of running the nursing staff. Harry, an Alpha, is a highly respected surgeon working at the same hospital. They also happen to fall in love.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

[soft-sunflower]

Flower of Evil Thoughts- Episode 8

Alright, so we start off back in the unparents' house and we're now in Fall of 2005, so it's been a bit since Hyunsoo was hit by the car. And it would seem that he completely realizes he's a prisoner in that house, regardless of if he's comfortable or not. And it would seem it was the unfather's idea to change his name. Here's the thing, why are they wanting Hyunsoo to pretend to be their kid...? That shit is confusing AF to me. They're gonna turn him over to the police if he doesn't cooperate? What's in it for them? And their son is the one in a coma, so what did the unmother do? Bash him over the head or something? It's clear she's got some serious mental issues of her own. I wonder exactly what she did to that boy to put him in a coma for that long?? Hmmm...

I'm really starting to get worried for Hyunsoo and Jiwon now... like, REALLY worried... She's tracking his every movement, which I just don't know how I feel about that. I mean I get it. She's a detective, there's a possibility her husband might be a murderer or an accomplice to murder. When he gets back into bed and JW calls him out for being a liar, I got stressed... I wasn't sure if she was gonna confront him right there in their house or not, but ughhh. She's beginning to push him away, to keep her distance. HS is noticing something isn't right with their happy marriage, to the fact that he could tell she was angry/upset. Then she tells him point black she is not angry. Bullshit, woman. It just feels unsettling to me... how much they are both lying to each other now. And he doesn't like the fact that his wife won't face him. Her facing him gives him comfort, is what I got out of this. He's trying so hard here to pretend that his life has not been shaken, but it has... it's slowly crumbling now and the crumbling and beginning to move a little faster. Closer and closer to a full on landslide that his life is about to become.

Okay, so... the next part I want to talk about is where Hyunsoo is reunited with his Noona, Haesu after 18 years of not seeing each other really tugged at the heartstrings. Moojin actually makes it so they can meet, so I can't really fault him on this one. You could tell he was really surprised by Noona hugging him and crying as hard as what she was. Like why? Would you want to hold onto me? Why would you cry over me? Why would you feel anything in regards to me? He tell her straight up his reason for coming to her is selfish, but that he genuinely needs her help. I actually got very choked up during this scene. Jang Heejin sold it. She's amazing. Her desperation, her happiness and sadness and overwhelming amounts of guilt over the fact that her brother gave up his own life just to make sure that his sister lived safely and well. These poor siblings... they've gone through so many terrible things. It's so sad to see the pain they're in.

The scene of the flashback of who murdered the village foreman was WOW. I recall episode 1 making it look like Hyunsoo actually performed the murder but he didn't. Instead, he wipes and smears blood all over himself and tells Noona to give him the weapon. There was no way he was going to let his sister's life be ruined. He wanted his sister to live an ordinary life, and HE takes the blame. HE takes the fall. HE utterly SACRIFICES his own life so his Noona can live hers. And Noona can't move on with her life. Even after 18 years. She can't live normally. She suffers from the guilt over the fact that she killed someone but even moreso that her brother took the fall for her to protect her. And I KNEW as soon as she admitted to killing him, that the village foreman did SOMETHING to her. I'm not surprised at all that he attacked her either, considering that it's now confirmed he's performed more than just one exorcism on Hyunsoo. What a messed up man...

Also, their hug. I mean wow. Noona screaming and crying at him "How could you ask if I've been well!?" My heart clenched up for her. This poor woman. Even though it was Hyunsoo's decision, she is STILL living with all of that remorse. I loved watching Hyunsoo wrap his arms around her and hold her. I'm so happy that he has his Noona back. I really am. I feel like she is going to be a positive catalyst for many things for Hyunsoo in the future, provided the poor thing gets out of all this alive... I'm worried about her and for her, honestly. 

The ungrandma seems to be slowly warming up more and more to Eunha, doesn't she? Making her food and feeding it to her because the little one doesn't know how to hold her chopsticks properly? I thought that was honestly very sweet. There's a lot of underlying things here about this woman. She seems to have suffered her own trauma, and I wonder what it is she's done and been through as a result? The creepy ungrandpa gives off some really scary vibes... abusive and murderous almost. The way he slaps his wife across the face when all she wants is some happiness in her home again... The way Eunha was sitting there eating and it made her emotional and she loses it on her over that? This poor woman just wants some normalcy. I'm starting to feel a bit for her.

The scene where HS is proudly showing Noona has family in his phone is the sweetest thing. Even Noona declares that he has changed a lot from how he was when they were kids. What really warmed my heart was how he talked about how Eunha and Jiwon have the same face and how she's just like her mother. I love how he explained that he made sure his daughter was being raised properly, that she didn't lack the ability to feel like he does, that he made sure of this as he raised her. Hyunsoo is truly an amazing father. But what also breaks my heart is how he looks at himself... as this unfeeling creature that he did not want his daughter to be like. That was a hard pill to swallow. Maybe he doesn't realize, but that screams a rather heavy dislike, maybe even hatred, of himself.  However, his soft smiles as he shares his family with Noona does not seem forced or fake. I don't think he realizes how much he truly does love his little family.

Okay, Jiwon has been there almost the whole time listening??? Did she hear the warm things he said about her and Eunha before Haesu asks if he loves her? I wonder... but I will say this, he may not understand or know what the feeling of love feels like but he most definitely loves Cha Jiwon, and I think that Noona will help him discover and learn this. He needs her, he wants her, he doesn't want things to change, he's desperate for them to stay the same. Maybe he truly believes that he does not love her because that's how he's been made to believe and feel his entire life, his brain warped and twisted in ungodly ways to believe that he's a monstrous person without any ability to feel those emotions. That nobody loves him, and that he is not capable of love so therefore he does not understand what the emotion of love feels like. He can't recognize it because as of right now, it simply does not compute for him because this is what severe causes of trauma does to a person.

You can see the moment where JW's heart breaks and my heart ached for her... There has got to be a way that JW can understand what's happened to him, and what he's been put through and that he CAN be helped and he CAN be treated for it. He CAN be fixed because this isn't something he was born with. This is something that happened due to trauma. I will say though through all of that conversation JW listened in on, she did find out that her husband is NOT a murderer NOR was an accomplice to any of the serial killings. And when she's videochatting with her baby girl and her mother, it was so realistically done. The drawing Eunha made for her parents of their happy little home probably destroyed her heart just a little more to see it knowing the truth that she knows now. Their "I love you so much" exchange was the sweetest thing. At the end of the day, she's still a mommy and she still as a daughter to care for and love in their home, no matter how much her heart may be shredded, life goes on.

And that leads her to destroying the bag, burning every single thing in it, including the tape recorder. Why did she do that? Because she still loves him, because she knows he's not a killer nor an accomplice, anything that rumors painted him to be. There is no reason to catch him and bring him in, but her heart is breaking over it all because of how much she loves her husband, and now she's at a loss. She doesn't know what to do. So she burns the "evidence." She agrees to let him live as Baek Heeseong.

The scene with HS and JW sitting outside their home having a beer together BROKE MY HEART. SHATTERED IT. I'm sorry, he may not recognize it, but with everything he just said about her and so tenderly does not play out like an act to me. They way he looks at her and speaks to her... It tell me he loves her, even if he can't understand it, by calling her innocent, pure, quick to laugh, short tempered, quick to sulk, but also quick to forgive... the forgive line HURTS because what if she's not quick to forgive this time...? Because she says she's easily fooled and is gullible, and of course all HS does is laugh and say he disagrees.

They talk about their home, the anniversary of their moving in,  their housewarming party, how fun it was and how she was so truly happy that day... and my heart just hurts even more. And now she's saying for him to keep living his life for their daughter's sake, but that her final gift to him as they will part ways...!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I ACTUALLY SCREAMED NO AT THIS BECAUSE EVEN IF HE DOESN'T REALIZE IT, HE NEEDS HER SO MUCH. HOW TF IS THAT A GIFT, JIWON!? IT'S NOT BECAUSE HE DOES LOVE YOU. HE DOESN'T RECOGNIZE THE EMOTION BUT HE DOES. GOD HE DOES. I'M IN SO MUCH PAIN.

The "Do you love me?" and the hand kissing scene... ugh god. My heart is just in serious pain at this point for these two. I'm hurting so much because of this. He can't answer her question, because he truly does not understand the feeling of love, but look at how he is with her? He's so tender with her, he's so affectionate, he's gentle, treating her like she's a package made of glass. Everything physical that he does with her, the way he looks at her, shows that yes he does in fact love her. Though JW is heartbroken and just believes that he's lying, but he has shown time and time through all of these tender caresses and gestures, that he most definitely does love her. (Side note, she took her wedding ring off... at work... *sobs*)

Next scene I want to talk about is something that I theorized on and I was CORRECT. I CALLED THIS. Remember the puppy? I theorized in episodes 6 and 7 that Hyunsoo's father made him do horrible things to animals, such as drowning a puppy. Now here we are with him and the bunny and I am SICKENED because I was RIGHT and did not WANT to be right but I was... At first you think he's giving his son a pet, but nope. He's giving his son an animal... to kill. I want to point out something. Look at how the father holds the defenseless bunny? He holds it by the scruff. Look at how Hyunsoo takes the bunny. He cradles it in his arms. If he wanted to harm that animal, he would've taken it by the scruff too. That child was FORCED to harm animals because of his psychotic father, and he was probably threatened into doing it or he'd be punished.

"Do you what you want with it. You can use your hands or tools. I'll just... sit and watch." He was trying to MOLD and GROOM this poor innocent child into being just like him... into being a murderous, monstrous demon of a man. And it explains even MORE as to WHY Hyunsoo has so many mental health issues. Because of his father. His sick, twisted-minded father. It's so disgusting the way he's warped and abused this poor child... and now it makes me wonder just WHAT his father did to him in that basement if he was forcing him to kill small animals and he was just watching... ugh. I can't even imagine what this baby went through. I can't. I don't WANT to. BUT I CALLED IT! I CALLED IT THAT HIS FATHER MADE HIM DO SCREWED UP SHIT LIKE THIS!!! And the way Do Minseok looks at Hyunsoo just utterly sickens me...

Okay... so... I have a theory about the unfather, but I could be way off the mark. Yes, it would appear he knows and has kept in touch with the accomplice at some point. That's an old phone he has, BUT... is there a snowball's chance in hell that HE could be the accomplice? Think about this... he's cold, he's scary, he controls Hyunsoo with fear, and was FURIOUS when Hyunsoo didn't kill the taxi driver. He had everything set up and ready for him to go, he provided everything Hyunsoo needed to commit the murder. Had Hyunsoo committed that murder? He would've been the accomplice to the murder of the taxi driver, soooo... he's connected to all of this in SOME way and has far too much interested in Hyunsoo to the point that he imprisoned him in his home and threatened to have him turned in if he didn't pretend to be their son...? Hmmm...

Moojin, you're funny sometimes but you're a real piece of work and I don't mean that nicely either. The fact that you would even have the NERVE to say anything to Hyunsoo about revealing his true self to his wife after the way you treated Noona speaks volumes about you. Hyunsoo not capable of feeling my ass. He is. And he's had enough of Moojin, to the point that he was ready to leave, ready to storm right out calling the man useless. I do love that Hyunsoo respects Noona enough to listen to her when she tells him to sit down. I like that Noona was able to get him to sit and listen to her. I like that she's slowly starting to help release some of the emotional repression in him by encouraging him to say what he feels most desperately at this very moment. I truly and strongly believe that she knows this is proof of him not being capable of processing emotion properly is due to his trauma.

Severe trauma, like your own father making you kill animals for fun while he watches so he can try and mold you into what he is, for example, can and most definitely WILL have this sort of effect on a person from a young age. I'm wagering a guess that Hyunsoo was never shown and taught these proper emotions, and when Noona pushes him he seems almost, dare I say, panicked as if he's trying to convince her he doesn't know? Is this a defense mechanism? Hmmm... Also, the fact that he did not become this way til their mother disappeared...? I'm still dying to know what happened there. I hope we find out next week, but I digress.

I love how Noona calls him out telling him he has changed, that he never wanted anything before but now he does. And she knows it and he does too, and so he says it, and his expressions hurt me. He can't even look at anyone as he expresses what he's feeling, what he wants. It's almost like he's ashamed to express what he's feeling. What he wants is just honestly so simplistic it's painful, because may not get what he wants...

He doesn't want to lose his life. His wife, his daughter, his job. He wants to keep living as Baek Heeseong. He wants to get up every morning and get his baby girl off to school, he wants to prepare meals for his family, he wants to kiss and be with his wife, he wants to keep working in as a metal craftsman, he wants his life to stay the same. He doesn't want his dark past being revealed to Jiwon. He just wants his normalcy. We just took our first step into HS finally speaking about how he feels! This is the first step in hopefully unlocking all of those repressed emotions he's kept locked up all these years.

Speaking of Jiwon, she is one slick chick. Sneaky sneaky, Jiwon showing up at Moonjin's apartment while he fakes illness. Very clever. Though I had to kinda chuckle a bit at their collective sigh of relief and Moojin's peace sign and HS's half-grin and eyeroll at him before she shows up at the door. The shocked look on Moojin's face and the smug grin on Jiwon's, omg... What a mess! Poor Hyunsoo though... when he hears his wife show up at Moojin's door and her pushiness on the case, the very idea of her finding out anything sends him into another panic attack, and he's clutching his heart as if it's in pain.

I feel like his inability to express emotion is beginning to manifest itself in a more physical way through these anxiety and panic attacks he's starting to have. Like the emotional repression is too much and has no other way out now beyond severe anxiety and panic.  Moojin's shitty comments about Jiwon not staying by his side if she knew his true self probably struck something in him. And now here she is, and she's closing in on everything. It's getting scary for Hyunsoo now. But then he appears at the door in front of his wife, looking calm, collected and chill. The looks like they exchange...

AND OH MY GOD THE REAL HEESEONG IS AWAKE. HIS MOTHER TRIED TO KILL HIM BY UNDOING HIS LIFE SUPPORT BUT HE WOKE UP!? How is Hyunsoo gonna be able to live as Baek Heeseong now!?  I don't have words, but UGH! HOW AM I GONNA WAIT TIL NEXT WEEK'S EPISODE!!! Feel free to send me any asks you want about this drama because I'm completely invested and HOOKED.

[meet-the-decoy]

Hey Decoy! What exactly is your role on the battle field?

MEET THE DECOY

Description

It isn't hard to see that she is the fairest one on the team. Decoy isn't afraid to use her feminine touch to her advantage and being on a team with mostly men has it's perks. But don't be fooled, this girl isn't as sweet as she looks. She's a babe with quite a bite.

Primary

Stock

- Duel pistols: (ammo 12/36 each)

Craft

- Boxing glove gun: (ammo N/A)

Gives Decoy the ability to punch an opponent with as much force as a Heavy.

- Pole vault: (ammo N/A)

Gives Decoy a 20% boost on acrobatics.

-Mini canon: (ammo 20) 

Is similar to Soldier's rocket launcher. Each shot takes several seconds to reload but gives critical damage to enemies. Slows down agility.

Uncrate

- Chainsaw: (ammo N/A)

Gives critical damage at close range. Won't be able to preform acrobatics as a result.

- Bear trap: (ammo N/A)

Traps enemies for several seconds while giving mini crits. Can only be used once every 30 seconds.

- Water pistols: (ammo 100 each)

Counteracts Pyro fires. This weapon extinguishes teammates that are ablaze as well as sapping the enemy Engineer's buildings.

Secondary

Stock

- Hand grenades: (ammo 20)

Craft

- Fireworks: (ammo 20)

This weapon creates flash bangs and blinds the enemy for several seconds and can also light enemies on fire depending on range.

- Taser: (ammo N/A)

Electrifies enemies and paralyzes them for up to 3 seconds. Effects enemies differently. Has a cool down time of 3 seconds.

- Sling shot: (ammo 20)

Let's Decoy launch grenades just as far as a Demoman, letting her throw them farther then she originally could. It can also be used to launch health kits to teammates.

- Water Balloons: (ammo 20)

Extinguishes teammates who are on fire. It also washes way Jarate from teammates who may be covered in it.

Uncrate

- Throwing knives: (ammo 12)

Allows Decoy to trick stab like a Spy but at longer distances. Can be used during acrobatics.

- Playing cards: (ammo 3 decks)

Cards can slice enemies to inflict damage. Cards can be boomeranged back to be reused if thrown correctly.

- Grappling hook: (ammo N/A)

Gives Decoy the ability to get to higher nesting spots with ease. Boosts acrobatics by 5%. Grapple can be shot at enemies to finish off kills.

Melee

Stock

- Bullwhip: (ammo N/A)

Craft

- Chain: (ammo N/A)

Gives critical damage to enemies. Slows down acrobatics by 15% as a result.

- Spider net: (ammo 8)

Bounds enemies for several seconds. This also leaves the enemy vulnerable and more likely to receive critical damage.

- Roller skates: (ammo N/A)

Allows Decoy to match the speed of that of a Scout. Decoy won't be able to preform acrobatics as a result.

- Megaphone: (ammo N/A)

Amplifys Decoy's vocals and lures enemies easier.

Uncrate

- Lipstick: (ammo N/A)

Ables Decoy to give a teammate ÜberCharge for 3 seconds by kissing them. This weapon also restores a teammates health by 50%. Gives critical damage to enemies.

- Mirror: (ammo N/A)

Blinds the enemy for 3 seconds by shining light in the enemy's eyes. This weapon is most effective on Snipers.

- Ribbon wand: (ammo N/A)

Steals 15% of an enemy's ammo. Ammo can be given to other teammates or can be used personally.

- Perfume: (ammo N/A)

Amplifys Decoy's lures. Perfume can also be used to disorient enemies for several seconds. No man can resist the smell of flowers and gunpowder.

PDA

Primary

- Acrobatics

Secondary

- Vocal

Special Taunts

• Song Bird

This taunt makes enemies vision blur whenever they get to close to her singing. This makes the enemy vulnerable and more likely to receive critical hits.

• Damsel in Distress

This taunt gives Decoy the ability to make enemies hurt their own teammates. Every shot that hits a teammate will lower their health depending on distance different variables. Can only be used once every 3 minutes.

• Blowing Kisses

This taunt has the Decoy blow a kiss at the enemy. Whoever the kiss lands on receives critical damage. If the kiss lands on a teammate, it restores their health by 15%.

• Love Me, Love Me Not

This taunt has Decoy pick pedals off of a flower. If a heart appears, then the enemy walks free. If a broken heart appears then the enemy receives critical damage. This taunt gives a 50/50 chance each time it is used.

• Love Potion No.9

Can be slipped into any food or beverage. Once consumed, the enemy cannot hurt Decoy up to 10 seconds. This taunt can only be used 3 times during a match.

• Milkshake

In this taunt, Decoy pulls out a tray and proceeds to make and serve milkshakes to anyone who takes them. Decoy serves any flavor of milkshake to her teammates to boost their health level much like Heavy's Sandvich, but is far sweeter.

Achievements

• Master Maiden: Achieve over 50 'Blowing Kisses' taunt kills.

• Golden Gal: Seduce kill each class in one round.

• Lucky Lady: Dodge 5 airblasted rockets using acrobatics.

• Flirting with Death: Lure a Scout over 100 times

• Here to Save The Day: Protect a struggling teammate more than 5 times in one round.

• The Angelic Acrobat: Save a teammate over 20 times by throwing back a Demoman's grenade using acrobatics.

• Dangerous Dame: Seduce kill 500 times.

• Kiss it Better: Heal over 75 teammates using 'Blowing Kisses' taunt or by using Lipstick melee.

Domination Lines

SCOUT

"So you're the fastest man alive, huh? Is that why you can't get a date?"

"Why so red tough guy?"

"I like a guy who can make me laugh."

"Hey, my eyes are up here scooter."

"Your ass must be pretty jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth."

SOLDIER

"If I threw a stick, you’d leave, right?"

"Everyone’s entitled to act stupid once in awhile, but you really abuse the privilege."

"You look good with black and blue."

"Are you always such an idiot, or do you just show off when I’m around?"

"I was hoping for a battle of wits but it would be wrong to attack someone who’s totally unarmed."

PYRO

"I AM a woman, what's your excuse?"

"Still think your on fire?"

"What in the hell? What are you supposed to be?"

"Did things get really hot in here, or is it just me?"

"Earth is full. Go home."

ENGINEER

"Whoopsie, did I do that?"

"Look at the cute little toys! Can I play with one?"

"You only annoy me when you’re breathing, really."

"Your birth certificate is an apology to your parents from the hospital."

"How impressive! You can put your foot in your mouth and your head up your ass at the same time!"

HEAVY

"So... do you name your guns because you can't get a real date or?..."

"Oh wow, this must be pretty embarrassing for you."

"Are your compensating for something?"

"Jesus christ, You’re so fat you could sell shade."

"You are the human version of period cramps."

DEMOMAN

"Sorry, but you won't be able to drink away the alcoholism."

"I'm gonna hit you so hard, you'll lose your accent."

"*sad crying that turns into cruel laughter*"

"You’ll never be the man your mom is."

"Nice onesie, does it come in men's?"

"Aww, Do you need me to kiss your boo-boo better?"

MEDIC

"Excuse me nurse, could you take a look at this for me?"

"They took your license away for a reason doctor."

"Oh! I like your dress!"

"If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world."

SNIPER

"That's disgusting."

"Isn’t there a bullet somewhere you could be jumping in front of?"

"Just because you have a dick doesn’t mean you need to act like one."

"I’ve been called worse by better."

"There’s no doubt about it. Your father should have pulled out earlier."

SPY

"Is that a knife in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

"Hey croissant, your fly’s undone."

"If you’re going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty."

"Acting like a prick doesn’t make yours grow bigger."

"Je n'ai jamais pensé rencontrer un homme sans couilles."

DECOY

"You're not cute sweetheart."

"See, this is why the men don't take us seriously."

"Nice outfit. I bet if you stood on a street corner, you’d make some money."

"Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so."

"I’ve seen your kind before…but last time, I had to pay admission.

Backstory

Decoy (Delilah Lou Rose) was born April 1st, 1941 in a backstage tent and grew up as a acrobatic clown in the Canadian Circus.

She was brought to the Administrator's attention when she slaughtered a total of 12 men with ease during a break in and attempted assault. A meeting with Saxton Hale eventually led to a job offer. Needing the money, she takes a job with the Gravel wars, thinking it was a show. Once she realizes that it is in fact not a show, but a place where men kill each other, it's too late.

Delilah Lou became a new class called the Decoy, where she would lure unsuspecting men to their death. It wasn't long before she fell in love with the job and grew strong friendships with her coworkers.

[srirachvbi]

Hey I saw your Bokuto with kids post but since I'm on mobile I have no idea if that's recent or not. Anyhow, I was thinking maybe Bokuto's teenage daughter almost murdering one of her brothers, shes the eldest so she has some power in the house and being the only girl *considering the other female apart from reader is her 2 year old sister* she has become a force to be feared. Maybe Bokuto trying to split them apart and just trying to calm her down. His daughter really just wants to cuddle him.

a/n: thank you so much for your request! I am SO sorry for the really late response, but hopefully I understood your request properly hehe. I had AP exams and had to finish the school year, so I couldn’t really look at requests so I feel bad :(( Anyways, I hope you enjoy reading this!!

Trouble In Paradise ( dad! bokuto koutarou )

word count: 1534

If you had told him back in high school that he would’ve been a father of four by his late twenties, he would’ve laughed in your face because he was convinced that the only thing he’d ever do was volleyball. It had been the only thing he’d put effort into for the majority of his life, so that was his goal. Go out with a blazing trail of fire as he spiked his last ball. The last thing he would see before death was the large court with his teammates surrounding him. 

This dream quickly changed the day his first, precious daughter was birthed into the world. She was so small that he felt like he’d accidentally crush her if he held her too tightly-- she was the light of his world. Little Bokuto Kaori had the 6′3, outside hitter for the MSBY Black Jackals wrapped around her tiny baby hand. 

As time went on, she wasn’t the only light in his life. Two twin boys born only a few years after her, and his youngest girl born when Kaori was eleven. Since he had a toddler as his daughter was already a teen, he truthfully couldn’t spend every moment with Kaori. It wasn’t like he ignored her completely, but there wasn’t much he could do with her when he constantly had a sobbing baby in the other room. Kotarou hated it, and he wished he could bring her out every weekend-- it just, sadly, didn’t work out that way.

Kaori hadn’t vocalized anything about his attention being on her sister, so he never really thought about it. If she had a problem, he always taught her to be truthful about it and to say it straight out. So, it was a bit of a shock when he came home to screaming echoing through their fairly large house. 

He had left the twins and Kaori alone for only half an hour while he picked up (y/n) from the airport, since she was coming back from a business trip. He assumed they would all be fine since they were nine and thirteen; however, he seemed to be severely wrong.

“How could you go into my room and break something?! I told you that you’re not allowed in there!” Kaori hissed, towering over her nine year old brother’s curled up body. Her dark hair hid her furious eyes, but anyone could tell from her body language that she was furious.

“Kaori! Back away from your brother!” (y/n) scolded her as she quickly slipped her shoes off. Leaving her suitcase by the door, she walked over to her two kids and lightly grabbed the teenage girl’s arm.

“Why are you yelling at me?! He’s the one who broke into my room and shattered one of my pictures!” Kaori gaped, shoving her mom’s arm off. “I’m so sick of you two blaming everything on me! I didn’t do anything, and I especially didn’t ask for three other siblings! Was I just too much of a disappointment that you needed to have more?” She exclaimed, tears streaming down her pink cheeks. Her dark (e/c) eyes stared accusingly at her parents, making both of their hearts shatter. Kaori huffed out a loud sigh and made a quick dash towards the stairs. 

“Well fuck.” Kotarou muttered under his breath. With little Kana fast asleep in his arms, he slipped his shoes off and walked further into the house. “What happened while I was gone, Sho? Where’s Keijiro?” He bent down carefully, patting his son’s head.

Sho sniffled as he sat up slightly. “He’s in the backyard ‘cause we were playing volleyball, but he got a scratch and I know that Kaori-nee keeps bandaids in her room... So I went into her room to look for them but I accidentally ran into her dresser a-and a picture fell!” He tried to explain, practically stammering with every word. His golden eyes were full of tears, making his father’s heart ache.

“It’s okay, Sho. I’ll go talk to your sister... Can you bring Keiji in and then mommy will help his scratch?” Kotarou smiled, making his son nod hesitantly. With years of strenuous practice, he had no issues getting up with no hands (since his daughter’s in his arms). Holding out his large palm, he helped the nine year old boy up from the floor. “Babe, I’ll go talk to her. Can you take Kana?” 

.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.★.*｡･ﾟ✫*.

Taking in a deep breath, Kotarou knocked his knuckles against his daughter’s door. “Kaori? Can we talk?” He asked, resting his ear against the door. Both him and (Y/N) had agreed when they first became parents that if any of their kids’ doors were closed, they’d have to get permission from the kid to open up the door. There would be no barging in— they would give them the privacy that they want as long as they don’t abuse their parents’ decision too much. 

“Why? So you can yell at me and then ignore me again since you don’t care about me?” She yelled, her voice muffled from the door in between them. 

Koutarou’s heart dropped at her words, and he rested his forehead against the door. “I’m not gonna yell at you,” he said, trying to keep his voice as tame as possible. If he were still as he was in high school, this situation would spiral so much further; however, he knew his kids and how they reacted. He was still that immature, simple-minded ace from high school, but he had matured into a person who he hoped his kids would be proud of. “If you open the door, I’ll teach you how to do a feint~” He tried to lighten the mood.

Instead of a reply, he heard quiet shuffling before the door opened slightly. Kaori’s bright (e/c) eyes meet his and he frowns slightly at how puffy they were. “Are you really gonna teach me how to do a feint?” She muttered, looking down at the floor. Her cheeks were flushed slightly from embarrassment, making her dad chuckle and pat her head.

“Of course! I would never go back on my word, Ri-chan! Can we talk first, though?” He asked, ruffling her long hair. As she slowly pulled her door open more, he walked into her bright blue room. He walked over to her double bed, which was placed in the middle of her room. “Ri-chan, you know I care a lot about you, right? You’re my favorite Kaori in the world~!” He grinned, patting the spot next to him. 

Rolling her eyes, Kaori sniffled and sat down next to her father. She still refused to meet his eyes, but it was progress compared to being trapped outside of her door. “What do you want, dad?” She huffed out, playing with her fingers that were resting in her lap. 

Koutarou sighed at her serious response and patted her head. “Kaori, there’s nothing in this world I love more than you and your siblings—”

 “Yeah, but you love them more!” 

“Of course I don’t! Why would I love one of you guys more than the others? You’re all my kids, who I absolutely adore. It may seem like your younger siblings are at the center of attention, but that’s because they’re younger and need more guidance!” He tried to explain without raising his voice anymore. “Kaori, if you walked up to me and told me to stop playing volleyball, I’d do it in a heartbeat! If that doesn’t explain how much I love you, I’m just gonna have to smother you with hugs for the rest of your life, and you can’t complain!” He puffed out his cheeks childishly.

 The young teenager looked up from her lap and sniffled at her dad’s words. “You’d give up volleyball for me?” She whimpered softly, unusually touched by his statement. Maybe she got too many of his genes, but what’s the harm in that? The more Bokuto in the world, the better!

“Of course!” He grinned and brought his hand up to her face to wipe away the stray tears. “You and your siblings are the most important thing to me in the world, and I swear on my career that I love you all equally!” Koutarou nodded his head aggressively.

 With another sniffle, Kaori jolted forward and wrapped her small arms around her father’s waist. “I love you too dad…” 

.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.★.*｡･ﾟ✫*. 

 (Y/N) sighed as she walked up the stairs to her daughter’s room. It had been a few hours since her husband had walked in and she wasn’t quite sure what had happened. There had been moments in her life with her slightly (read: very) simple-minded husband where he struggled to get the right words out and caused more harm than he meant to. So, hopefully, nothing awful went down. 

 The door was slightly ajar but she could see the two of them from her spot in the hallway. The two of them were curled up on Kaori’s bed, fast asleep. Her husband’s big arms were cradling his daughter’s body, making (Y/N)’s heart clench at the sight. Giggling softly, she grabbed her phone and took a picture of them.

 ‘Cuties…’

[nothingbutfangirlsmut]

The Girl Out of Time

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Background: Willow Roffe was born and raised in Brooklyn. She lived her life as happily as she could with her two childhood best friends Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers. When they both left her to join the military she tried to continue with life but that didn't get to happen for her for the simple fact that she meant something to James Buchanan Barnes.

Rating: Story will be overall MATURE but not every chapter. There will be strong language, talk of both mental and physical abuse, some good ole angst, and smut. There will be a warning at the beginning of the chapter when it includes smut.

Chapter 37

Not long after the wedding life had become pretty normal for James and I. I couldn’t be happier about it. He trained with Okoye daily to keep track of his progress while I worked closely with Shuri trying to learn as much as I could from the young genius. Steve had called us a few days after the wedding. When we told him about it he lost his mind. He was mostly excited and happy for us but a bit upset that he couldn’t be there for us. We understood he was still on the run and couldn’t risk being seen in Wakanda and bringing T’Challa into anything.

“How are you feeling?” Shuri asked me suddenly snapping me out of my thoughts.

“I’m good” I shrugged.

“No more getting sick or feeling faint?” She asked.

“Oh no” I lied.

Shuri looked at me flatly. She knew I was lying.

“I haven’t been sick again but I’ve been nauseous.” I told her honestly.

She used her finger to tell me to come to her. I stepped closer. She grabbed my shoulders then gently guided me to stand in the weird machine she had tried to explain to me before. It seemed to be able to tell you anything that was wrong with you. I watched as she pushed a few buttons then stepped back. She silently watched the small screen as the machine worked. I watched as a smile slowly spread across her face. When the machine stopped she gestured for me to step out.

“Why are you smiling like that?” I asked her cautiously.

“Take a look for yourself.” She said then tapped something on the small screen.

She turned towards the much larger screen. The image that came up stopped my brain completely.

“You’re joking” I told her.

“Not one bit” she chuckled.

I looked down gently placing my hands over my stomach. Was I really ready for this? What was James going to say?

“You worry too much Willow. James is going to be overjoyed.” Shuri reassured me.

“What would I do without you keeping me together.” I chuckled.

“Glad we don’t have to think about that.” She smiled then hugged me.

“At least I have the best medical team in the world.” I told her.

“Damn straight” she laughed.

Later that evening I was sitting outside our hut in the grass thinking about the perfect way to tell James this news. When he did show up he quietly sat next to me in the grass.

“Rough day?” I asked him.

“Okoye really likes to kick my ass.” He chuckled softly.

“Well, I have some news.” I said softly.

“Oh yea? What is that?” He asked curiously.

I grabbed his hand then gently laid it against my stomach trying to silently tell him what the news was. He looked confused for a moment as he stared at his hand on my stomach. His eyes suddenly lit up as he looked up at me.

“Are you-“ he stopped like he was lost for words.

“You’re gonna be a dad Jamie.” I told him softly.

I watched several different emotions swirl in his eyes before he laughed a hardy heart felt laugh. He moved to kneel in front of me placing both hands against my stomach.

“You’re serious?” He asked looking up at me with sparkling eyes.

I nodded. He laughed again as he got to his feet pulling me with him. He hugged me tightly then showered me with kisses.

“This is- I mean- I have no words.” He chuckled.

“Me either but I’m definitely nervous.” I smiled up at him.

“Oh hell yea me too but me and you together we can do anything.” He said happily.

A few days passed of James excitedly talking about the baby. I had never seen him so excited about something. He seemed like a completely different person. We hadn’t had a chance to tell Steve yet but I’m sure we would soon. We were laying in our hut just talking when Shuri ran inside out of no where. The look of panic on her face made my heart drop.

“What’s wrong?” I asked immediately.

“Both of you need to come with me. Now.” She said sternly.

We didn’t hesitate to follow her back to the palace. When we arrived T’Challa was pacing the large open room as a TV played the news. It was New York in unmistakable ruins as Iron Man and some others I didn’t know seemed to be fighting aliens.

“What is this?” I asked.

“This is live in New York. There’s also a report in Europe of another ship.” T’Challa said as he continued to pace.

I shared a worried look with James. What is happening? I jumped at the sound of a phone ringing. T’Challa answered it then continued to pace.

“Your majesty, it’s Steve Rogers. Could you tell Bucky we need all hands on deck. That means Willow too. I’ll explain more when we get there but that war we talked about. Looks like it’s here.” Steve’s voice rang out through the room.

“We will be waiting for you Captain.” T’Challa said then hung up.

“War? What war?” I asked panic rising inside me.

“Your friend will explain everything when he gets here. I don’t know much.” T’Challa said simply.

“Do you have some where you can keep Willow safe?” James asked suddenly.

“What? I’m not leaving you.” I told him sternly.

“Yes you are. You and our baby are the most important thing to me. I don’t care what happens to me as long as you two are safe.” James said in the most seriously tone I’d ever heard him use.

“I know I just don’t want to loose you again.” I told him my voice cracking from just the thought.

“I’ll do everything I can to get back to you.” He said as he grabbed a hand full of me hair.

He kissed me deeply. It was his way of sealing a promise.

It wasn’t long before Steve and the others were arriving. I made my way outside with James to greet them. The moment Steve came off the jet T’Challa greeted him. James stepped up grabbing Steve’s arm and hugging him close. Steve turned to me. He instantly noticed my lack of armor.

“Everything okay?” He asked me.

“Not here. Let’s go inside.” T’Challa answered for me.

The group made our way back into the room where they explained the situation all the way down to Vision’s predicament. Wanda seemed broken but she stood strong by Vision. Once everything was explained Steve finally turned to me.

“Are you okay? You don’t look ready for a fight.” Steve said sternly.

“She won’t be fighting.” James said moving to stand between me and Steve.

“Why?” Steve asked.

“Because Shuri will be taking her to a safe place to protect her and the baby.” James said glancing back at me.

Shock overtook Steve’s features.

“Baby? You’re pregnant?” He asked me.

I nodded placing my hands over my stomach.

“I wish I could say congratulations but with the fate of the universe up in the air I don’t feel those are the right words to use.” Steve said with sadness in his eyes.

James turned to me suddenly. He grabbed each side of my face. He kissed me hard like he’d never do it again. I hated that thought.

“Shuri, please get her to safety.” James said then stepped back from me.

“I love you.” I told him.

“I love you Willow.” He said softly as I was pulled away.

Shuri passed me to one of Okoye’s warriors. We hurried through the palace. Just as we came out into the open fields the earth started to shake. I turned to look over my shoulder. I was pulled causing my attention to go forward.

“We don’t have the time for you to check what’s happening. We must get you to the village.” She said sternly.

We picked up speed running as fast as I could stand towards the village. Once there the warrior placed me in the center of the village to be guarded with the rest of the villagers.

All I could do now was watch as my husband and father of my child fought for the fate of the universe while I sit here helpless. I knew why. The life of our child was more important than either of us but what would I do without him?

I sat there for what felt like an eternity huddled together with the rest of the terrified villagers. Shouts and screams of horror had me jumping to my feet. As I looked around for the attacker I noticed the people disappearing. Right before my eyes they turned to literal dust. A fear like no other came over me as I took off back towards the palace. The sudden disappearance of these people could only mean one thing. We lost.

I ran and I ran until I reached the front of the palace overlooking the battle field. The terrifying sight in front of me was not one of dead bodies covering the land but of what looked like only a handful of people where there once stood a massive army. With no alien attackers in sight I ran onto the battlefield towards the small group of people that was forming. Among them I saw Steve. I ran straight to him. The look of shock, fear, and a broken heart was enough to tell me that I wasn’t going to find James.

“Where is he?” I asked to make sure.

Steve just looked down at me with a look of sorrow.

“No, no, this can’t- he can’t-“ I stumbled backwards only for Steve to catch me.

He hugged me tightly to his chest. I turned around to search for him. It wasn’t true he had to be here. I tried to pull myself free from Steve’s arms.

“Willow, he’s gone” Steve said his voice cracking.

A sob ripped from my chest.

“No! No! No!” I screamed as I fell to my knees.

Steve fell with me keeping his arms wrapped tightly around me. I went limp against him as I sobbed. Not again. I lost him again.

—