#but over time i ended up thinking of it more from sapphs point of view

[dreamsy990]

drawing the first two ocs i ever cared about, ft the one who i made to vent and inspired my username, and the one i accidentally ended up in the exact situation of. its been like 10 years since i came up with them but i still think about these two. might draw gijinkas of them or redesign them or something

[artemispanthar]

Tentative Title: Rest Originally written: 03/08/16 Word Count: 1,653 Intended plot: Flashback episodes about the newly formed Garnet, days after joining the Crystal Gems, getting to know her new companions, the Earth, and herself.

Notes: I started writing this during a hiatus sometime after “The Answer” aired as I wanted to explore the idea of what being a newly-formed being would feel like. I also wanted to explore the idea of her learning to view herself as a singular being (as she does in present day) rather than just purely collective and the push and pull of Ruby and Sapphire’s perspectives. I know I had some big plan at the end for some poignant observation that I was really excited to write but I can’t remember it is and for some reason I didn’t write it down (I usually write the big stuff first and fill in the rest)

I actually still really like this and would really like to finish it if I can ever get motivated enough to do so.

Garnet loved the Earth, she really did. In their short time there it had already given Ruby and Sapphire so much, given her so much, and she was very grateful for that. But right now she was starting to hate the place, with its uneven terrain, lack of trails, rivers with sticky mud you sink into, mountains that go on forever, tiny animal holes hidden in the ground that she keeps getting her foot stuck in and making her fall flat on her face. This planet was ridiculous and she… no, no. She didn’t really mean that. She’s just tired.

She stopped for a moment and leaned against a tree to catch her breath. She closed her eyes and breathed. In and out, quick and ragged. Tired. Now that was a foreign feeling. Well, all feelings were kind of foreign to her, if she were being honest, since she’d only existed for a few days now. She had echoes of feelings, impressions, from both Ruby and Sapphire, but they’re not quite the same as how she feels it. Like how something can seem one way in theory but in practice it’s something else entirely. It was very confusing and she still had a lot to figure out. And she had only just got the hang of walking before Pearl insisted the camp was no longer secure and that they should move to one many miles away. They’d been travelling ever since, only stopping for Pearl to calculate the safest path… and occasionally to wait for Garnet to catch up.

Pearl was relentless and determined and Garnet was reluctant to voice her need to slow down. Truth be told, Pearl still scared her quite a bit. Not nearly as much as she had back on the arena, of course, but even though they were on friendlier terms now, Pearl still seemed so harsh and exacting. And besides, there was part of Garnet that was uncomfortable with the idea of having to ask for help. She had quite literally just stumbled into the rebellion and hated the thought of slowing them down, of being a burden to them. Another part of her insisted that was ridiculous, that she had every right to be there, that they had welcomed her as a friend, and that she was owed so much consideration and care. It was all very confusing and she wasn’t quite sure if she’d ever get the hang of these conflicting feelings.

Garnet was lagging so far behind now she couldn’t even see Rose Quartz or Pearl anymore. She could hear them, though, just barely, a soft murmur of voices somewhere ahead of her. She followed the sound up to the crest of the hill and into a clearing, where the two now stood side by side, discussing something in low voices while looking out over the sprawling landscape below. Had Garnet not felt like her physical form was about to burst from exhaustion, she’d have marveled over the beauty of this planet’s natural and somewhat chaotic landscape, a stark contrast to Homeworld’s meticulous artificial constructs. But right now she’d give anything for it to be completely flat, featureless, and easy to walk on. At least she had a moment to rest now, coming to a stop a few paces behind Rose and panting heavily, despite not actually needing to breathe. Upon seeing Garnet approach, Pearl startled and quickly distanced herself from Rose. She cleared her throat nervously, moving to the edge of the hill.

“We could travel down through the valley,” Pearl said, using one of her swords to gesture to the wilderness below. “It would take a little longer, but that itself could be an advantage since Homeworld will no doubt assume we’d take the most efficient path. On the other hand, since it is the easier route they might opt to take it too… and I don’t like how exposed we’d be down there. I think it may be better if we take the mountain route, it’s the shortest path and the terrain is more advantageous for evading detection.” At this, Pearl gestured with her other sword to the massive peak off to the left that had escaped Garnet’s notice until now.

Garnet felt her non-existent heart fall at the prospect of having to climb all that way. The tip of the mountain disappeared into the clouds! She let out an exasperated whine before she could stop herself. Pearl didn’t seem to notice, but Rose did. Rose turned slightly to glance at Garnet, and then walked over to stand next to Pearl, guiding her to look back at the landscape below.

“I think that sounds like a great plan. But the view from here is so lovely… do you think we could possibly stop for a while to enjoy it?” Rose said. Pearl must have been expecting that, as there was barely a pause before she replied.

“The view is nice, but the longer we’re out of camp the more at risk you are of an ambush. It’s better if we keep going. There will be plenty of time to enjoy the view once we get to our destination.”

“Oh, I doubt that.” Rose laughed softly. “I know your impeccable eye for safe camps, you’d never allow such a weak spot. Defensible, secluded, inconspicuous, and hidden away where no one could possibly find it. Never much in the way of views, especially once I raise a wall of thorns around it, which I’m sure you accounted for. But you couldn’t ask for a safer hideout.”

Pearl seemed to swell with pride at this, standing up straighter, puffing out her chest. Garnet couldn’t quite see Pearl’s face at this angle but she was sure she was blushing (Pearl did that a lot, Garnet noticed). When Pearl spoke, her tone was considerably lighter. “Oh, well, that is true. Hmmm… alright, I suppose we could spare some time.”

Garnet breathed a sigh of relief, walking heavily over to a large rock and collapsing onto it. She slid down until she was seated on the grass and leaned back. Finally, a break. But in retrospect, she shouldn’t have expected it to be so easy.

“You two can stay here and take in the view while I patrol the perimeter. 10 minutes should be sufficient and then we can be on our way.” Pearl said, standing at attention and saluting before turning sharply 180 degrees and marching along the treeline. Garnet leaned her head back onto the rock and groaned. 10 minutes? Why even bother? Pearl seemed bound and determined to run Garnet ragged.

Once Pearl was out of earshot, Garnet looked over at Rose. “Is she always like this?”

“Ah, yes.” Rose said, her voice light with amusement. She adjusted her dress and settled down on the grass opposite Garnet, gazing over at the patrolling Pearl and sighing. “Isn’t it wonderful?”

Garnet made a grunt of annoyance, leaning back on the rock again and resting the back of her hand on her forehead. “Wonderful isn’t quite the word I’d use…”

“No? Met many assertive Pearls, have you?”

Garnet blinked up at the sky for a few moments, pondering. She hadn’t thought about it that way. Garnet had only ever met this one Pearl, but Ruby and Sapphire had met others. Well, seen others… had they? She felt part of her insist yes, yes of course we have. Another part of her felt that if she had no real impression of them, they must’ve never seen one. It was confusing, but it did seem to prove Rose’s point. Had Ruby or Sapphire ever seen another Pearl, it doesn’t seem like she had left enough of an impression on them for them to have an opinion. “No, I suppose I haven’t.”

“I know she can get carried away,” Rose explained. “But the fact that she feels comfortable enough making demands is just wonderful to me. She didn’t have much of an opportunity to do that before. But I think she struggles with it. I know if I push her too much on anything, she’ll give in, so I try not to unless it’s necessary. I like for her to feel like she always has a choice, you know?”

“I can appreciate that.” Garnet said, nodding. “I just hope her assertiveness doesn’t kill Sapph-… us…” She paused, and then emphasized “Me.”

Rose leaned forward, her eyes wide and curious. “Right! I’m sorry! I meant to ask, how are you feeling? You seem tired, which isn’t something I’ve seen happen to many Gems. Are you having trouble keeping your form?” (Rose always asked a lot of questions, Garnet noticed)

Garnet shifted so she was sitting upright and fully facing Rose. She wasn’t quite sure how to answer that, as it was probably partially true but she worried about admitting such a flaw. Still, a part of her felt compelled to be truthful to Rose, like she could trust her. “Hmm… sort of.”

“Sort of?”

“I… At times it feels like I’m being tugged apart. When I’m thinking and there’s… conflict. Its confusing, but I can think my way through it. But this body is new, too, and hard to get used to

  ----

 As Pearl neared their position again on her patrol, Rose called out. “Pearl?”

“Yes.” Pearl answered immediately. “Are you ready to go? You still have 3 minutes… Well, 2 minutes and 40 seconds. But we could leave early.”

“No no, I was wondering if you would like to join us.”

Pearl paused, as if she were considering it. Then she shook her head “It’s safer for you if I keep watch.”

“I know, but you know I always prefer your company to your vigilance. And our new friend here hasn’t gotten the chance to get to know you yet. Besides, you can keep watch from here.”

Pearl bit her lip and looked around as though checking they were

[girlsnighttrash]

girls chase boys

a/n: hey guys!!! so someone suggested I write some angst for arguably the two most angsty characters on the show and then girls chase boys came on shuffle and I couldn’t help myself!!!

just for some background info (u kno how it goes) morgan had a conversation with vinny while he was visiting new york annnnnnnd yeah! that’s all i can say without giving everything away >:~) have fuuuuuun

Sapphire found herself on the rooftop, leaning over the railing and staring past the cityscape at a fixed point in the horizon just beyond a distant mountain. She had escaped the confines of the corner dorm and snuck up the stairs when she had the chance, desperate for a breath of fresh air. They were all celebrating something, though what, Sapphire wasn’t sure. She was too focused on the distance Vinny kept from her, drilling holes into the back of his head, holding back question after question to notice. Maybe it had something to do with Charlie and Go finally making it official and maybe that was a part of the reason she was so……..vexed.

She hated it. She hated that everyone around her was pairing off and finding happiness in love. First Cormac and Iris and then Romeo and Lo had mended all of their woes. And now Charlie and Go had finally confessed their undying love for one another (not that that cane as a surprise to anyone - even Romeo started to catch on before they did anything about it). She didn’t want to be this miserable, really. She wanted to be happy for her friends and involve herself in the merriments that came with it. But how could she be happy? Vinny and Cormac were graduating after this semester and just when she thought things were finally looking up, just when Vinny had as good as professed his feelings for her, everything grew cold. Just like that.

God, he couldn’t even look at her. Not even when she started to pour herself a drink (not that she was actually planning on drinking it, but she was so desperate for any hint of attention from the brown eyed boy she tried everything she could). It must have been something she said. But when she thought back on all of their conversations, all she could remember was matching his level of wit and charm and, god dammit, flirtation! So then she thought it must have been something she did. But everything she did, every move she made, was only made in response to whatever it was Vinny himself initiated. The only “sin” she was guilty of committing was taking part in what was clearly splayed out in front of her. So what was it that changed? Unless –

Oh, god –

Unless nothing had changed. Unless all of this was nothing more than a figment of her imagination and she had misinterpreted everything. It wouldn’t be the first time. Just look at Teddy (I mean, honestly, the fact that she thought he could ever have any semblance of romantic feelings for her was inherently ridiculous). Teddy had very clearly wanted nothing more than friendship, but due to her pure stupidity, she thought he wanted something more. And now it was happening all over again. She had fallen in love with a boy who wanted nothing more than a best friend.

But that can’t be true, a light chirped at the end of her tunnel. He already had two, arguably three, of those why would he want, or need, another one? The voice in her head fought hard to pull herself out of the hole she dug. Instinctively, a grin brightened her previously dark features. She bit her lip to hide it, though there was no one around to hide it from. A habit she picked up while trying to hide her feelings from Vinny all this time she supposed.

Besides, the voice reasoned, if he wasn’t interested, why would Cormac have hassas us with those hints two weeks ago? Sapphire nodded her head to the side, moving her gaze from the spot beyond the far-off mountain to a plant on a balcony opposite of her. Her grin dropped after thinking on her observation for a moment, head shaking. “But that doesn’t explain why he’s been so hot and cold recently,” she muttered under her breath, smoothing the front of her hair and pressing the heel of her hand into her closed eye in thought.

Before the little voice in her head could refute her statement, the heavy door at the other end of the roof swung open with a moan, causing Sapphire to jump and nearly topple off the side of the building. She looked over her shoulder and the oddest thing happened to her insides. Her heart swelled and her stomach spiraled into her shoes all at once, causing the grin rising to her lips to weaken upon seeing Vinny’s sleek hair and puppy dog eyes.

“Don’t let me interrupt, Sapph,” Vinny effused, barring the door behind him with ease. He continued to speak, crossing the length of the roof until he took his usual spot beside her. “Conversations with one’s self are often the most important conversation one can have.” Toasting his own words with a nearly empty beer bottle, he looked Sapphire up and down once and downed the remaining contents.

Sapphire tried to hide her smile and soft chuckle with a roll of her eyes, but that only made the sparkle behind Vinny’s hickory eyes shine brighter. He stole another look at her frame and he swore his heart skipped a beat. He could hear Cormac’s voice in the back of his mind now, rambling on and on about how if someone’s heart skips a beat they should see their doctor, not ramble about it in poetry. But Vinny pushed it away, focusing instead on the way Sapphire’s hair hung around her shoulders and how the strands that framed her face billowed when a breeze whispered past. He studied the way her nose pointed slightly upward and the curves of her lips on her profile.

And then it hit him.

The guilt. His throat tightened so quickly he struggled to breathe. Immediately he redirected his gaze to a faraway point just beyond the outlying mountains. When he promised Morgan that he would stop pursuing his daughter, he didn’t think it would be this strenuous. Sure, Vinny was great at lies and deceit and manipulation and everything in between, but there was, he found, a difference between lying and deceiving and manipulating someone you loved, really loved, than doing the same to those he merely enjoyed spending time with.

That’s not to say that it was impossible, seeing as nothing was truly impossible (much like the fact that noteverything is possible). In fact, he thought, all things considered, he was doing a decent job. If it were anyone else at all, he would be proud of himself, but again – Sapphire was different.

“Oh, don’t fret, Ansari,” Sapphire reassured. Pink danced across her cheeks, so she pulled her light jacket closer to her body as a means to blame it on the cold and hide her true intentions. “Especially seeing as this is the first time you’ve decided to acknowledge my existence tonight.” Conjuring up all the courage she had, she stole a glance at the much taller boy, her heart fluttering in her chest upon doing so.

Again, the guilt hit him. Vinny hid his face from her view altogether, not wanting to betray his vow, not wanting to rid Sapphire or any future successes or happiness coming her way. She can’t be happy with someone like you, Vinny. I think, deep down, you know that as much – if not more – than I do, Morgan’s words ricocheted around his brain. He debated whether or not he should respond at all for a long moment before deciding it was best not to.

After waiting some time for a response, Sapphire finally got the hint. Scoffing, she shook her head back to the skyline before them. She took a deep breath, ducking her head for a moment before inhaling sharply and addressing the man who held her heart, whether he knew it or not. “Am I missing something? Did I overlook a crucial, life-altering event entirely? Because one moment, we’re holding hands and planning our future together, as husband and wife, father and mother, as equals with mutual feelings and the next you’re ignoring my existence entirely. Honestly, Vinny, it’s as though you’re keeping note of how far apart we are at all times and I don’t quite understand where it’s coming from, so, please, inform me.” Sapphire turned so she was facing Vinny now, hip resting against the edge of the building. Her hands gesticulating so wildly they demanded Vinny’s attention. When she was finally finished, she concluded her tirade with a huff, jade colored orbs desperately searching for any sign of guilt in Vinny’s.

Of course, it was there. And for a moment, as her peridot eyes scoured his, he was sure she’d find it (though he wasn’t sure if he was frightened or hopeful of her discovery).

Taking his time, Vinny straightened his back, correcting his posture, and turned to face Sapphire. He paused, fighting the urge to kiss her then and there. Change is inevitable, it’s necessary, even, he wished he could say,but the only change I want to occur between the two of us is us. “I don’t recall such an event ever taking place because I don’t recall any change ever occurring,” he said instead. Raising an eyebrow, he continued, forcing lies past his lips. “Are we not doing business as usual? I thought the point of such discussions was to explore the opportunities the universe presents. Rationally, that was a possibility, so we discussed it.” His tongue rolled across the roof of his mouth before he pushed a smirk to his lips. “It’d be no different than analyzing what might happen if you and Cormac looked past your enmity for one another and fell in love.”

Vinny watched as the sparkle dulled from Sapphire’s eyes, the color going from that of a meadow on a summer’s day to muddy algae. But even as the sparkle diminished, it was as though she knew exactly what game he was playing. Sweat began to accumulate in the folds of his palms as he studied her closely, searching for her ticks.

After a long bout of silence, Sapphire took a deep, shaky breath and mustered up the courage to ask the only question on her mind. She knew if she didn’t ask it now, she’d regret it for the rest of her life. Just as shethought she knew this wasn’t something as simple and ridiculously stupid as a miscommunication between the two of them. She corrected her posture and stuck her nose in the air, feigning a confidence she would never admit to lacking. “Does your - does your heart still beat for me, Ansari?”

Vinny’s mouth went dry. The crack in her voice broke his heart and he couldn’t help but despise her father for what he was not only putting her through, but for what Morgan was putting him through in turn. After all, Vinny hadn’t even believed in marriage until he met Sapphire. Now that was all taken away from him. Just because the man who knew the love of his life the best decided to stand in the way of the happy ending Vinny never knew he wanted nor thought he deserved.

He took a moment to ensure his voice wouldn’t tremble when he spoke. Tilting his head slightly, Vinny mustered a small smile. “Sapphire,” he lamented softly, shaking his head. “Let’s not make this harder than it has to be…”

The moment he tilted his head, Sapphire’s eyes began prickling. She cursed herself for relenting such a reaction, but the moment the tears began falling, she couldn’t stop them. “I don’t need your pity,” she spat, hoping to distract from the tears streaking her face. As though the ground beneath her feet had suddenly grown very hot, she jumped from her place and flashed across the roof. Hurling the door open with a sudden sense of strength she didn’t normally obtain, she continued to bolt down the stairs and did not stop until she was in the girls’ restroom.

Once she was certain she was alone, she let a sob burst through her lips without attempting to quell it. Tilting her head toward the stratosphere, she folded her arms tightly beneath her chest and succumbed to her sorrow as she slid down the cold tile.

She blamed herself, and she hated it. Because even after all that Vinny had put her through, even after the heartbreak he caused her, she loved him so much she couldn’t find it in herself to blame him.