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mandareeboo · 4 years ago

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SU Music Rankings

Bc I can and I wanna start some Disk Horse rip. These are all in order of preference, with explanations, etc. It’s a long bitch. That said, I’m not counting little short jingles or small joke songs like Little Butler. This is the meat and potatoes of SU music- just under 30 songs. I might do the rest if people like my takes lol.

I scored it mostly on three bases- how dear it was to my heart, how much/often I relisten to it, and also what it means to the plot. That said, little fun songs don’t automatically go farther down than big, plot-heavy songs either! It’s a strange little balance.

Special Note: I don’t dislike any of this music! I love SU and that includes its bumps and glitches. I just pick favorite children lol.

1.) Change

Was there ever a more Steven moment than when he wiped the blood off his face and kissed it into sparkles? I think not.

If “Be Wherever You Are” is an ode to young Steven, then this is teen Steven’s. Talking about change, and how much and how little it can do. How he holds his arms up for Spinel to hug him, so trusting. How he seems able to just. Break into soft tears at will, and not to be manipulative- it’s just his kind nature. The warmth in his voice. Fuck yesssss.

2.) Change Your Mind

This song is only fifty five seconds and it’s EVERYTHING to me. It really felt like someone was speaking the words I’d always held deep inside of me, unsure of how to say. It feels like a goodbye to someone who never really loved me.

As much as I enjoyed Future, if this was the finale of SU, I would’ve been perfectly okay with that.

3.) Drift Away

This song gave me legitimate shivers the first time I heard it, and it still haunts me to this day. Spinel stayed, and waited, and all she got was a transmission thousands of years later. Fuck.

4.) Here We Are In The Future

THE MOVIE IS SU AS ITS BEST AND I WON’T BE SWAYED ON IT. Steven being a teen who loves his weird family but is growing just a bit sarcastic to their drama. The adorable love he and Connie share. His slow realization that he will always be working, always have things to do, is both somber and real. The Crystal Gems won’t be safe with one epic battle. They’ll be safe with years of hard work and love. HIS LITTLE HANDSHAKE WITH AMETHYST.

This is a helluva bop and a great way to summarize the main character’s backstories.

5.) Let’s Only Think About Love

Did ya’ll know that Zach Callison killed his throat with that last note? He gave his all for this performance in a vocal range he no longer comfortably do and by god did it SHINE. The FLAIR. The FORESHADOWING. All of the Gems all being awkward about Rose and Steven trying to bring them to the present. Peridot having a mini-existential crisis in a cute yellow dress. I love Zach Callison’s normal singing voice but man is that a fucking bop. Nothing will ever beat it.

6.) Here Comes A Thought

This bad boy helped me out a LOT with some mental issues I was dealing with in high school. I was unmedicated, unsupervised, and full of anxiety. I’d have break downs when I tried to speak about certain things. I couldn’t function. This song inspired me. It helped me feel okay with my intrusive thoughts.

And the episode! -chef’s kiss-. Once again bringing up the morally gray area of training child soldiers. Connie expanding her social group. Steven’s trauma hauling ass in that second half. The ANIMATION. Stevonnie’s gorgeous singing voice. GOD yes.

7.) It’s Over Isn’t It?

Just barely squeaking above Stronger Than You, this ballad is everything gorgeous. The whole episode is. I think Mr. Greg stands in the top five of my episodes for the entire show. It even got nominated!

There’s just so much about this song that I love. The gentle melancholy of Pearl’s voice. How the crew had to redo the shots for this bit bc Deedee went so fucking hard. The hard cuts between Pearl, remembering the love of her life, and Steven, who has begun to feel like he took her away. I’d recommend this song to anyone, regardless of what they do or don’t know about SU, simply bc it tugs so many heartstrings of love, loss, and responsibility.

8.) Stronger Than You

Did you realize this episode aired SEVEN years ago? This bitch was what got me into SU! Hearing about Ruby and Sapphire made my little gay heart so happy inside, and then getting a whole song confirming that they were a couple, that their love powered the strongest Gem on the team? Aaaaaaaaa

To this DAY I get excited when I hear Estelle start singing. This song is timeless. This song will live in media history. God I fucking love this song.

9.) Other Friends

I’m not the biggest musical person, so I hadn’t heard of Sarah Stiles before her casting as Spinel, but JESUS CHRIST the lady went hard. She went SO fucking hard. Sarah Stiles started on 100 and somehow just kept CLIMBING. You can just hear the sheer manic energy building in her voice, the anger and resentment. 10/10 Sarah Stiles is a queen.

10.) Independent Together

This made the list entirely bc the crew was like “you’re gonna get a himbo ass Steven-Greg fusion singing with Opal while Garnet flies across the moon on Lion while floating” and I am forever thankful to them for it

11.) Who We Are

Bismuth deserved more songs. ‘Nuff said.

12.) Peace and Love (On the Planet Earth)

It Could’ve been Great is EASILY one of my favorite s2 episodes. I love the entire concept of this song. Of Steven making music to reflect how much Earth means to him and his family. Of him teaching Peridot some self-care. Also Peridot’s singing voice is really cute and squeaky.

I know it’s silly, but I would’ve really enjoyed a flip around of this in Future! Like Peridot reminding Steven how much he loves music, that he needs to take time to relax for himself, maybe with a new verse or just a remix of the original song!

13.) Something Entirely New

I watched this episode as it aired, and I legitimately almost cried. I love Charlyne Yi’s voice so much ya’ll- her raspy, not perfect singing voice against Sapphire’s deep soothing lull is great.

And to have Ruby and Sapphire’s meeting be the way it was- for Ruby to bemoan Sapphire losing Homeworld, to being stuck with a single Ruby, while Sapphire is a noble who has always been taught everyone in her “caste” is vitally important (and has, in her own mind, taken that to mean every Gem, as she should) and how they come together and make each other happy. Good shit good shit.

14.) I’m Just a Comet

The fact that Greg’s music career never really blasted off pisses me off to this day bc Tom Scharpling’s voice is fucking BUTTER. Also the song really feels like a jab at his parents now that we know the kind of dynamic he had growing up. “This life in the stars if all I’ve ever known” is definitely him wiping away their existence after reminding them (and himself) the things they used to say about him.

15.) Do It For Her

This episode. This fucking episode. This episode got me permanently hooked on SU. I’d just binged season 1 and was kinda meh about it overall after the bop of Stronger Than You. “Oh,” I thought to myself, foolishly, “I’ll probably just casually watch this from time to time.”

Like three days later Sworn to the Sword aired and that was it. I was hooked! Pearl’s gentle training song turning darker and darker, Connie’s accompaniment from nervous to determined to fully into such a toxic mindset. The fact that SU had the BALLS to discuss the repercussions of training child soldiers, now and later. This episode was everything to me, STILL is everything to me.

Six years and well over 100 fanfics written later, I think it’s safe to say this show swallowed me whole and never let go.

16.) System/Boot.pearl_final(3)

I debated putting this on the list because it’s not anything crazy important, just a way to show things are Wrong, but I had to do it entirely bc Pearl is so damn SALTY.

Like telling us about the Gems makes sense, she felt like she was given a duty, but she went so damn petty. WHY is that Ruby alone. Gross. This Amethyst is a trash dump. Wtf are you people.

17.) Full Disclosure

This episode really feels like a turning point for SU. Before, the show had its dark moments- but now we’re in the thick of it, and it’s not going away. Full Disclosure felt like an rebuff to the idea of returning to any normal we’d established in season 1. Gems are actually a giant species now. Gems tried to kill us now. There’s this Yellow Diamond bitch who got namedropped. Something about a Cluster.

The song itself is BALLER, with its ingenious use of Steven’s ringtone and photos as he tries to decide whether to clue in Connie on all this nonsense. Meanwhile we, the audience, already know damn well Connie about to yeet some common sense into him.

18.) What’s the Use of Feeling Blue?

I’mma admit it- I’m a Yellow Diamond stan. I’ve always loved her- her anger, her poise, her hardworking nature. I actively argued against the “Yellow Shattered Pink” theories back in the day. But, man, when this arc leaked? I got so overexcited I was too jittery to watch it for like two days. It’s easily my favorite arc of the series. The sheer alien nature of the zoo, the Famethyst, and absolutely Patti Lupone’s beautiful ballad. Goddamn. Yellow singing to Blue to try and help her regain her old status, the warble in her voice as she reminds Blue she misses Pink too, the movement of the bubbles as she talks about attack. It gives me shivers to this day. FUCK.

19.) Tower of Mistakes

This is, fun fact, that only SU song I have completely memorized. The story itself is kinda funny! See, we lost internet at my house for a solid 5 to 6 months when these episodes aired, so I only got a very brief window to view them all. But this was the first Amethyst song in a long while, and I didn’t want to forget it! So I keep replaying it in my head for ages. And that’s still definitely a thing.

Anyway will never not be sad that this entire song was about making it up to Garnet for Amethyst’s perceived slights with Sugilite (which was a two-way road), only for Garnet to pressure her into fusion later when pissed and never discuss it again bc Garnet probably never thought twice about it and Amethyst has the emotional openness of a clam that’s just been told its ugly. Helluva way to make someone feel like shit, G. Helluva way to bottle that shit, Ames.

20.) On the Run

I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times: Amethyst! Needed! More! Songs!

The dichotomy between Steven’s play and Amethyst’s honest desire to run away from home is so well-done, especially when you consider a lot of Steven and Amethyst’s actions are playing together. The song is also near and dear to me simply bc it’s my favorite Amethyst episode to exist (well, maybe second to What’s Your Problem, but not by much). Moments like these are all the proof I need that they were right to fuse first.

21.) Be Wherever You Are

This tune really just feels like an ode to who Steven was as a kid. Trapped on an island with no way home, and he’s just happy to be with his friends. The stars are beautiful and not oppressive. Also that one animatic with Lars and the Off Colors playing in the Homeworld Kindergarten to this music was iconic and made this song get stuck in my head for a solid month.

22.) Familiar

I ADORE how the crew use bright neon colors to show how alien Homeworld can be. And Steven recognizing that the Diamonds treat him how the CGs used to, and how prepared he is to “fix” a broken family. It’s a soft, gentle tune about melancholy. Also the Pebbles are beautiful.

23.) Let Me Drive My Van Into Your Heart

Such a cute little love ballad, but every time I listen to it now I just imagine the heart attack Rose must’ve had at the line “And if we look out of place/Well, baby, that's okay/I'll drive us into outer space.” like there’s a Vietnam war flashback if I ever heard one

24.) What Can I Do?

I’m kind of neutral on this one? Rose and Greg both have great voices, but the song itself lacks many lyrics. I think it was definitely a good way to show Rose’s flaws in thinking.

Also, I’m shocked they managed cram that much vaguely sexual innuendo into two minutes, followed by how Not Hetereo that dance between Rose and Pearl was, and not get their asses chewed by it. You go guys.

25.) Cookie Cat

I love a lot of the vibes this song has. The lyrics are so damn prophetic, but they also sound like the kind of weird 90s commercials I grew up on. It’s been like two decades since I saw the Shirley Temple commercial but I’ll be damned if I don’t remember “Animals crackers in my soup! Monkey and rabbits loop-de-loop.”

26.) Giant Woman

I am. NOT the biggest fan of Steven’s original singing voice. I feel bad saying that, since it was just Zach Callison as a kid, but he never jived well with me for some reason. So I wouldn’t listen to this on the fly.

The song itself is still really good though, with all sorts of fun animation of Amethyst and Pearl being bitchy to each other. It’s a bit sad in hindsight to see tiny Steven trying to get his moms to get along. Ahh, season 1.

27.) Strong in the Real Way

This song has SUCH a strong start. Pearl reflecting on Sugilite’s problems, but the show making sure to show us that Pearl’s lack of enthusiasm towards her also lends itself to jealousy as well as just general malaise. How much she cares about Steven, and wants him to grow up strong.

And then Steven just kinda. Ruins it? I appreciate his enthusiasm for tryna bulk up but to take what was starting as such a rich, personal song and broadcasting it to random strangers just makes me a bit sad. Almost a bit angry on her behalf?

28.) That Distant Shore

I KNOW this is gonna create some discourse, but I’m just not the biggest Lapis stan. I love her voice. I love the visuals of the song. And I get why she felt afraid and needed to flee.

But Lapis never got to take responsibility for her own actions. And, in the end, the song feels hollow to me- because we all know she’ll never talk to anyone about it, know she’ll burst back in and destroy the barn, and no one will ever question it. I like Lapis a lot, but I feel like her arc never was fully finished. She never got help. She never learned to feel safe.

29.) Dear Old Dad

I’ve yet to meet a single human being who likes this episode tbh. There’s some great discussion about what kind of parent Greg is from it, and what kind of dynamic he has with the Gems that he felt he had to fake an injury to hang out with his son. Honestly the first half was fine and dandy. It’s just that then they Greg just went out of his way to drag Steven away from missions and such. It never jived well with his character before or after.

Also, is it just me, or does Zach himself sound like he hates the song as he sings it? There’s no passion or heart in his voice. It sounds like they told him to read off cue cards and he did. Tom Scharpling’s best attempts didn’t save this one for being a skipper. But the episode, unfortunately, isn’t, so it gets a spot on here.

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amazingphilza · 4 years ago

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maniac :: cc!tommy x reader

angst (?) , platonic (?) , gender neutral ! ib: conan gray’s maniac

this is satire & note that i write the reader to be a few months younger than tommy (besides that, i think it is fully inclusive !)

synopsis : you put all your hard work towards a useless crush. with no expectation for reciprocated feelings in the first place, it still all ends in a bittersweet slap to reality.

you grew up with minecraft and it was an understatement to say it was part of your childhood

even years later, you still maintained interested in the game

it wasn’t just a simple video game, the community inspired you to do many things

you aspired to be like the creators you watched at a young age like sky, dantdm, cupquake, stampy, and many more

making people happy and entertained was a dream

and when minecraft slowly began trending again in 2019, you started making your own content whenever you felt like it out of fun

you never got much views but it was an enjoyable experience nonetheless

but it wasn’t until the first minecraft monday you decided to push a bit more with your hobbies and worked hard to make it somewhere

however balancing your passions with school wasn’t the easiest

given, you were still only around 15 and your content wasn’t even that good

with not much of a goal or plan with your youtube channel, you fell out of interest eventually

you loved minecraft but you always a rocky relationship with it; getting back into it for a few months then pretending it never really existed for another few

besides the occasional videos you watched in your pass time, you didn’t stay that updated

then lockdown happened

it changed everything and even got you regressing back to old interests

soon enough you were back to minecraft

there was so much to catch up on

hermitcraft season 7 just started, there was minecraft championships, and smp earth and smp live, and so much more to look forward to watching

you were a bit late on both of the smps but your interest peaked specially towards smp earth and it didn’t stop you from watching the past videos

you first gravitated towards a certain youtuber’s videos first since you remember stumbling onto his videos before from your recommended page; wilbur soot

besides recognizing him from his you laugh you lose series and making parody-type of songs, you didn’t know much

however with a few clicks, you had binge watched his smp earth series effortlessly

you found yourself falling down the endless hole, finding more creators to watch through wilbur

one in particular caught your eye in an interesting way

tommyinnit

my god, how can someone be so annoying and pushy in these videos? like shut up already

and to find out he was barely months older than you frustrated you

you just wanted to be better in some way

if someone like him could be popular, why can’t you? yelling at others and causing problems didn’t seem that hard

and so you went back to working hard on your previously failed youtube channel but this time with a goal; be better than tommyinnit

it was a weird aspiration in your head but it worked

he was your age and successful, why need a better motivator?

tommy wasn’t the sole reason why you strive to make content since you truly did want to create videos to entertain people like the youtubers you originally grew up watching

and with the amount of free time you had, you thoroughly analyzed his content; what was the most popular, how he streamed, edited his videos, everything

you just completely studied the algorithm in general

along the way, tommy’s personality grew on you

tommy was undoubtedly a very loud and energetic person but you became fond of his ambitions

you understood why he was popular at such a young age; he was a natural entertainer

your spite towards the boy turned into a hope

a hope to be at par with him someday and even be mutuals

and it was like your dreams were suddenly manifested into existence

you gained a large following in the early months of lockdown and even was recognized to be apart of minecraft championships

it felt like yesterday that you were just watching your favorite youtubers livestream the same competition

and now you were situation in a team to play yourself for the first time instead of being a viewer for once

not to mention, with tommyinnit as a teammate

how did you manage to get so lucky?

under the excitement, you felt beyond never nervous waiting in the empty discord call for your team to join you to practice the mini-games

in the middle of gathering your thoughts together, you heard a sound from discord signaling someone joined the call

“uh, hello?”

you heard the familiar british accent you spent hours listening to from countless streams and videos

“h-hi! i’m y/n, how are you?”

you hoped tommy couldn’t hear the strain in your voice due to fighting your nerves, but you quietly celebrated that you didn’t freeze up altogether

“oh i’m good, thank you. and i’m tommy by the way, this is the first time we’re speaking, yeah?”

“yep! it’s nice to meet you”

“yeah, i’ve seen your name around the timeline a few times, you seem cool”

oh my god what?

“thanks! um i actually really enjoy your content not gonna lie”

“oh wow, good shit!”

and the conversation smoothly went on, bouncing back and forth between you two before your other two teammates joined the call

once everyone was situated, you decided to start streaming since it was your first mcc and you wanted a vod of you practicing to look at later on as a memory

your chat immediately noticed how much you were enjoying yourself, especially after all the short stories of talking about who inspired you in the past

the smile plastered on your face never left

after stream and your other teammates went offline, it was you and tommy left in the call once together again

“it was nice talking to you tommy! and the practice was really fun, i cant wait for the actual competition!”

“yeah definitely, we’ll for sure place high”

“hopefully. it’s my first time and i hope i don’t cost us the dub”

“nah, you think so? i mean rt and plumbella are also our team mates so you know, it’s all for fun in the end”

you knew tommy was implying the teamwork wasn’t going to be the best compared to the other teams but at least in the end you’ve both made a new friend

“yeah you’re right!”

“anyway it’s getting late imma hop off”

“okay tommy, talk to you soon?”

“yep!”

“alright byee”

“bye!”

the moment he left the call, you felt a sense of relief before a small wave of sadness took over

you wanted to continue talking to tommy but you knew you had other responsibilities to tend to

for the rest of the day, you couldn’t stop thinking of the call and mcc practice

the funny jokes, singing random songs, screaming for no reason, everything

it even kept you awake until the early morning

you buried your head in a pillow and screamed into it after realization hit

y/n no

no no no no no no no

you tried to recall anything that remotely related your other teammates which you remembered that didn’t include tommy

even if it was a few hours ago, you couldn’t pin point something specific

i must just be forgetful, right?

what the hell did rt and plumbella even say that whole call?

you vividly remembered everything with tommy and it was clear to you why

surely not

with putting a hand on your chest above your heart, you confirmed that you couldn’t lie to yourself based on the rapid speed

you liked tommy for a good while but it hadn’t clicked to you until now

eventually you fell asleep due to exhaustion but that’s to say you didn’t do so without imagining spending more time with tommy

ever since that day, time went by in a flash

your team didn’t do the best in mcc but it had been a while since then to have that as a concern

sadly you and tommy didn’t talk as often as you hoped but that didn’t make you have less feelings for him

on some days you felt bad since you thought you didn’t know enough about him to even be allowed to crush on him

it was a bit unprofessional but you were nearly 16, it’s normal to have these little crushes right?

eventually time came to rescue when tommy asked you if you wanted to accompany him in the dream smp

undoubtedly, you said yes

and for the few months during summer, it was where you two became even closer than before

however, once both of you two had to go back and attend school, it was harder to catch up with each other

even on calls together off stream, the occasional snapchat notification going off irked you in a way you couldn’t explain

only winter break was the small pause on your disappointment

but even then, it was a slow but steady hill of repressed sadness and frustration until early spring of the following year

you had hoped 2021 would be better than last year but after scrolling through twitter one day and seeing stans making rumors about how tommy had a crush on one of his classmates gave you the same pain you felt when school started last fall

you dreaded to look over at tommy’s most recent story time stream vod where all the gossip arose from; it was him stumbling over his words with the mention of a girl during a certain part

jealousy wasn’t the right word to describe the way you felt

you would never go out of your way to make tommy reciprocate the feelings you had for him

and if he liked someone else the way you saw him, you wouldn’t mind

having a crush is ecstatic, and if he has someone like that too, you should be happy

right?

you tried

what finally broke you was seeing a tiktok a few weeks later of tommy in college with eryn and another girl talking

you didn’t know how she looked like or anything but you wanted to sob

good for him

she didn’t even say much in the video and you dont know enough about tommy’s personal life to jump to conclusions like this

you knew you were acting irrational and you couldn’t be upset at tommy for something he couldn’t control

if anything, you never directly showed interest in him

you didn’t want to in the first place

it was a bad idea from the start

you looked back at the past year and all your intentions

what kind of sick fanfiction did you think you were living?

becoming a content creator, hoping to blow up, just to talk to a big youtuber you had a crush on?

oh my god

y/n what is wrong with you?

listen to yourself, y/n

you need to get some help

whether tommy was dating or even just had interest someone was none of your business

you had to move on no matter what it was and be good and supportive friend

it was dreadful to get over a stupid crush like this but after so much work you put in, you gave some sympathy for yourself

in a friend perspective, you were happy with whatever tommy did and was satisfied your friendship together, but you hadn’t realized how much you gambled from the beginning

and just for a crush?

you couldn’t comprehend how far you gone because you fancied someone

it wasn’t like anyone could get famous and become a popular content creator either

and now with you being on the dream smp along with a successful youtube channel at 16? you were grateful something pushed you enough to work this hard

but you’d never forget the fact everything that lead up to this point was a crush on no other than tommyinnit which first spurred from complete spite

“who’s the one better off now?” your thoughts mocked you from the complete irony

sigh

y/n, you maniac

#idk whether to actually call this platonic but it’s not exactly romance so #tommyinnit x reader #tommyinnit x y/n #tommyinnit x you #tommyinnit fanfic #tommyinnit imagine #mcyt x reader #mcyt x y/n #mcyt x you #mcyt fanfic #mcyt imagine

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xviruserrorx · 3 years ago

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*Telling my friend Tumblr drama/ fandom statuses*

Daniel Howell did "Gay and Not Proud" Youtube pride 2021

Me: Pretty much Dan did a thing and Tumblr's emotional

Supernatural

15-year fever dream that ended with subtle homophobic undertones and last minute gays is getting a spinoff series and the fandom is falling apart and laughing/in disbelief over twitter drama

Merlin

Were just sitting around, immortal, Waiting for the prat that is The Once and Future King to come back. And waiting for season 6 after reading the script for the 50th time

Atlantis

Collectively composed of 9 people, a shoe lace and a old chocolate bar from last Halloween/Samhain.

Sherlock

.... Season 5?

Hannibal

Oh look at that nice picture of Hugh Dancy and Mads Mikkelson on twitter

Loki

*Gets confirmed Bisexual Loki* "That's the shrieking of the fandom behind that door. I suggest earplugs if you go in."

The Umbrella academy

Elliot page for the win first and foremost. And quietly impatiently waiting for season 3, maybe doing some rewatching. Or re reading the comic books/ catching up on "you look like death"

Doctor Who

The calm ones out of SuperWhoLock. Just sitting their quietly in the raining chaos of fire and the tsunami of tears doing re-watches and eating popcorn

Musketeers

Quite calm at the moment, living and thriving off of gifsets our other talented, creative and fellow Tumblr users are still making

Lucifer

*crying* ... It was a lot okay, i don't think anyone is ready for season 6

Dexter

Revived from the dusty bookshelf, Frantically binge watching all 8 seasons. Thinking that season 9 promo might have still been a hallucination.

Good omens

*frantic* Season two? What? Is there season two? What's happening? Neil Gaiman answer us!!!

I'm still missing fandoms, feels free to add on

Edit: I added more, I couldn't resist

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reidgraygubler · 4 years ago

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ethan(spencer reid/fem!reader)

*{ gif belongs to @toyboxboy }*

Title: ethan Request: no Couple: spencer reid/fem!reader Category: angst, fluff Content Warning: pregnancy, mentions of someone being shot, mentions of gun use, talks about almost dying, swears (if any), vomiting, casework, allusions of ex Word Count: 5,500 Summary: reader has some really important news to share with spencer, but he’s away on a case. that is until really important news is shared with her. A/N: based on the season 9 finale episodes Angels and Demons. I genuinely loved Alex and was lowkey sad when she left. The end of this one shot talks a lot about her and the end of Demons. anyways, enjoy and thanks for the love! Check out my masterlist!

{***}{***}{***}

Spencer held me close to his body, pressing his lips to my neck and breathing deeply. I shifted a bit before rolling to face him. He looked down at me with a lazy and tired smile.

“Why are you awake,” I mumbled as I pressed my hand to his bare chest. He hummed and looked at the watch on his wrist.

“Got a case, Texas,” he whispered as he looked back down at me. I pouted and shook my head.

“No,” I whined and shook my head. Spencer looked down at me as he sat up in bed. “You’re gonna be gone forever, Spencer.” I copied his action and sat up beside him. He grasped my hand as he looked at me.

“I’ll be home before you know it. You know I’m always a phone call away,” he leaned over before kissing my lips. I pouted as I watched him slip out of the bed. “I’ll be safe,” he spoke as he pulled clothes out of his dresser.

“You better be safe, Spencer, I don’t want to get that phone call,” I scolded as I pulled the blanket around my body and got out of bed. I walked over and stood beside him. I placed my head on his shoulder, not letting him move. I looked at the few photos he had on top of his dresser. One was of him and his mother a few Christmases ago; it was nice going out to Vegas to visit Diana that year. Another photo was Spencer and me on our wedding day, 3 years ago now. That was the happiest day of my life, and I’m sure of Spencer’s life, too. And the final photo was the two of us with his work family (who’s more real family than anything else).

“You’re not going to get that phone call,” he said as he looked down at me and smiled, “I’ll call you every night at 9 pm Eastern Standard, okay?”

“Okay, and if I don’t get a phone call from you, I’m buying the first ticket to Texas and finding you.” I lifted my head off him and walked back to the bed.

“I look forward to that.” Spencer smiled before walking back to my side of the bed, “I love you,” he whispered as he looked down at me. I looked at him and smiled.

“Yeah, I’m sure you do. Hurry back soon.” I pouted. He chuckled before kissing me one last time. “I love you too!” I shouted as he left the room. The light laughter that came from him made me feel happy as I drifted back to sleep.

{***}{***}{***}

A week, 7 days, 186 hours, 10,080 minutes, 604,800 seconds. That’s how long Spencer (and the rest of the BAU family) was gone for. And I was at home, sitting on the bathroom floor with three pregnancy tests lined up in front of me. I only had a few symptoms, but they were enough to get me curious. I’m sure if Spencer were here he’d prove to me that I was pregnant and then get me to take a test anyway.

“C’mon, let’s get a nice welcome home present for Spencer,” I whispered, staring anxiously at the tests. Like that’ll make the tests be positive and make me pregnant.

The timer on my alarm binged, causing me to grab it and silence it. I took a deep breath and said a prayer to whatever God would listen to me before I blindly flipped each test over. I looked down at them and saw two pink lines in the little window. I stared at them, in shock and in awe. My mouth fell open as I stared at them. My heart rate picked up and a smile grew on my lips.

“Pregnant,” I whispered, looking at them. I collected the three sticks in one hand and my phone in the other before standing up.

Spencer should be home soon. He said a week. And that’s exactly how long he’s been gone. I just hope this case doesn’t make him stay away longer. I want to tell him right away. This is something he needs to know as soon as possible.

I looked down at my phone and noticed the time, 9:15 pm. He’s late. He’s probably just busy. Although, that hasn’t stopped him before. It was always 9 pm, whether he was busy or not. But now? He’s 15 minutes late. Does that mean I call? I’ll give it a little bit. I won’t call right now. Maybe they made an incredibly important break in the case and the unsub! I won’t overly worry… yet.

I sat down on the couch and looked at the objects in hand. My excitement was through the roof and I couldn’t wait to tell the others about my secret. We’ve wanted kids since before we got married, and here we are. I don’t think this excitement will ever go away.

Aaron Hotchner calling...

I furrowed my eyebrows as I looked at the contact to make sure it was Aaron. “Aaron?” I pressed my phone to my ear. I placed the tests in a line on the coffee table.

“There’s been an accident with Spencer.” his tone was low and stern as he spoke. I dropped my shoulders and felt my heart sink to my stomach. “We need you here now. Section Chief Cruz and Garcia are on their way to your apartment,” he continued. Okay, wait, hold on.

“Spencer… He was… Is he…” I could feel my hands begin to shake as I brought myself to my feet. I should have just stayed sitting.

“He was shot in the neck. He’s in surgery now. But we need you to come out here as soon as possible,” he explained. I fell to my knees and brought a hand to my mouth.

Maybe that excited feeling could go away. Because it just did. Two extremes hitting me in a very short amount of time. My anxieties are already through the roof.

“Is he going to be okay?” I asked, my tone so soft I was worried Aaron didn’t hear me.

“He’ll be fine,” he spoke softly. I swallowed roughly and nodded, “Call me when you get here,” he stated before hanging up. I dropped my phone from my ear and looked at the black screen.

I quickly scrambled to my feet and nearly tripped into the bedroom, catching myself on the dresser. I grabbed whatever I needed and tossed it all into a backpack before running downstairs where Penelope and Cruz would be.

Okay, no, yeah… Maybe now I worry...

{***}{***}{***}

I swallowed roughly as I followed behind Penelope into the waiting room. JJ and Alex were sitting together, waiting for a doctor or nurse or someone to tell them how Spencer is doing.

“Hey, looks like you guys made it.” JJ looked over at Penelope, Cruz, and I. I pulled my sweater tighter around my body as I stood beside Penelope. JJ looked over at me before standing up.

“It’s nice knowing multiple people who own jets,” Penelope spoke as she gestured towards Cruz. I bit my lips together and looked around the waiting room. I felt nauseous being here. The scent of it made my stomach churn.

“Yeah, called in for a few favors,” Cruz spoke as he looked back at JJ. I rolled my shoulders and finally looked back at my friends. JJ was still looking at me, waiting for me to say something.

“How is he,” I whispered, hugging my arms around my body.

“He’s still in surgery. We’re waiting to hear how he is,” JJ whispered as she held out her hands for me to take. I stared at it for a moment before grabbing it. “He’ll be okay,” she reassured. I swallowed roughly and nodded.

“You all can see Agent Morgan now.” A doctor came up beside us and looked at everyone. Penelope looked at us before peeling away with Cruz. I looked back at JJ and bit my lips together as tears slowly rolled down my cheeks.

“C’ mere,” she whispered before pulling me closer to her and enveloping me in her arms. I pressed my face into the crook of her neck and let out a small sob. JJ only hugged me tighter before stepping back. “Let’s go sit.” She pulled me in the direction where Alex was sitting. I swallowed roughly and followed behind her.

“Hey there.” Alex looked up at me and smiled softly. She had a mildly guilty expression on her face as she looked at me. I don’t know why she would be guilty of what happened. Unless she was the one who shot him. And, honestly, from what Penelope half told me, and Cruz fully telling me, what happened… It honestly wasn’t her fault at all. He would have taken a bullet for anyone and everyone.

I waved lightly at her before sitting across from her. JJ sat beside me. I looked around the room and noted we were the only ones here.

“Do you want anything?” Alex asked in a whisper. I looked at her and shook my head.

“I’m actually going… I’m gonna get hot chocolate. You said he’s still in surgery?” I glanced at JJ. She looked back at me and nodded.

“Do you want me to go with you?” JJ offered, watching as I stood up. I shook my head and pushed my hands into my pockets.

“No, no, I’ll be fine,” I spoke, but my voice was shaky and quiet. JJ nodded before allowing me to leave.

I tried being quick as I got my drink. Mostly because I knew that the chances of something happening while I was gone were pretty high. That always happens though… Something always happens when you’re gone. I don’t even know why I left to get a drink. I should have just stayed.

I kept my head low, my eyes on the steam rolling off my hot chocolate, as I re-entered the room. Something to keep me distracted and busy while I walked back towards Alex and JJ. I quietly sat beside JJ and stayed silent.

“He’ll be fine. He’s still a kid,” Alex’s voice caused me to look up at her. What conversation did I just join in on?

I swallowed roughly and nodded, agreeing that Spencer Reid, the man I married, is still a kid himself. Although he’s going to be a dad in 9 months. “There’s still things for him to do,” she added in a whisper. I sighed deeply and looked down at my hot chocolate.

“He wants kids you know,” JJ whispered as she looked at Alex. I snapped my head up from my hot chocolate, again, and looked at her. “He’d be the best dad,” she laughed as she looked at Alex. I took a shaky breath and pretended to be fine with the conversation. I was honestly anything but fine with this conversation.

“That’d be the luckiest kid in the world,” Alex laughed as she looked between JJ and I. I rubbed the underside of my nose before wiping my eyes with the tips of my fingers. “He’s gonna be fine,” she whispered, mostly to herself. I looked at her and exhaled deeply.

Yeah, I know he wants kids. Everyone knows Spencer wants kids. No one knows better than me, considering I’m pregnant with his baby. But no one knows that except for me. I didn’t get the chance to tell him before he left for this case. Considering, I’d only just found just a few hours ago, I was beyond ecstatic. But who knows if I’ll get the chance to tell him now. Because I’m currently sitting in a hospital waiting room because he got shot.

I let out a deep and shaky breath of air and shook my head. JJ looked over at me and raised an eyebrow. “Other than the obvious, are you okay? Can I get you anything?” JJ asked, causing Alex to look at me. I didn’t exactly like the feeling of their eyes on me

Before I got the chance to speak, my stomach gurgled a bit, forcing me to throw a hand over my mouth and run to the bathroom. I almost didn’t make it before I emptied my stomach contents into the toilet. Why, oh, why? This isn’t fair…

I splashed water on my face, forcing myself to calm down as I stared at my reflection. The door swung open behind me and JJ stepped in. She was looking at me with concern on her face.

“What’s wrong? What happened?” she asked as she came over to me. She pulled a fistful of paper towels from the dispenser and handed them over to me. I stared at her as tears continued to roll down my cheeks. “He’s going to be okay. Spencer will always be okay.”

“No, I know. I know he’ll be okay.” I wiped my eyes with the paper towels as I looked at her, “Spencer’s gonna be a great dad,” I whispered as I dropped my gaze to the ground. “He’s gonna be an amazing dad,” I repeated as I glanced at her, hoping she got the hint.

“Are you...?” JJ asked as she placed her hands on my shoulders. I bit my lips together before nodding lightly.

"I found out a few hours ago," I forced a smile on my lips as I looked at her. I was happy that I was telling my friend about my exciting news. But part of me had several worries, again one of them being Spencer in the hospital.

JJ smiled at me before pulling me into a tight hug. I pressed my face into the nape of her neck. Part of me wanted to break down in her embrace. But, something felt off. It would be validated though if I did break down. Considering everything that is happening at the moment.

"I didn't even know you guys were trying. That's… this is so exciting," she half-whispered, half exclaimed. I smiled and shrugged as I stepped back away from her. She smiled as she grasped my hands.

"Well, we weren’t exactly trying. We were kinda just letting it happen. And, if it happened, it happened,” I laughed lightly and shrugged, “And, I guess it happened," I blinked as tears raced down my cheeks. JJ smiled as she wiped the tears off my cheeks before hugging me again.

“I’m so happy for you,” she whispered before grasping my hands, “You’ll be able to tell him. He’ll be fine.” She squeezed both my hands and nodded.

“I know, I know… You said it yourself, JJ… Spencer will always be fine,” I tried to reassure myself. He will be fine.

“I have to go. Derek and I are going back to the station. Alex and Penelope are staying here, with you and Spencer. Call me if anything happens.” JJ looked at me as she guided me back out of the bathroom and towards where we were sitting.

“Of course. You still have a job to do. Be safe,” I flashed her a sad smile as she collected her things.

“See you guys later,” JJ looked between Alex and I before leaving the two of us alone. I sat silently, my head low, while Alex sat across from me. She was bouncing her knees anxiously while waiting. In the two years she’s been here, I never really had a good friendship with her. It’s not that I didn’t like her… we just disagreed on somethings and our personalities never meshed together. I love her, don’t get me wrong.

“Do you want kids?” Alex asked, pulling me from my thoughts. I looked up at her and raised an eyebrow. Do I want kids?

“Yeah, kids… They’re great,” I exhaled deeply and nodded. I looked up at her and furrowed my eyebrows. I’m not so sure I want everyone to know my news just yet. It’s still too early. “I’ve wanted kids since the day I met Spencer. I knew I wanted to have kids with him,” I laughed lightly and nodded. And that wasn’t an exaggeration or anything. I knew the day I met him that kids would be in our lives.

“You guys would be fantastic parents.” Alex smiled at me as she reached out to place a hand on my knee. I smiled back at her and nodded. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to tell her just yet that I was pregnant. I think JJ was enough people right now.

“Thanks, Alex,” I whispered as I kept my eyes on her. We stayed sitting in a tense silence. It felt as if time was moving slowly, almost like someone changed the speed to 0.5 speed. I honestly hated how long we waited for someone to tell us what was going on.

“Spencer is ready for you guys,” a doctor came over to us and spoke before Alex got to say anything. I looked at him and smiled before standing back up. He led the two of us to the room Spencer was. Penelope was already in his room, putting various ‘Doctor Who’ action figures on the little roller table in front of him.

Spencer was still asleep from his surgery. A white bandage and gauze pad was pressed and wrapped around his neck. He looked so peaceful as he slept. But he always looked peaceful like this. Although, I didn’t like that he was knocked out because of anesthesia because he was shot in the neck.

“Oh good! You’re still here.” Penelope looked up at me with a sad smile. I returned the sad smile before sitting in one of the chairs beside the bed. Alex sat on the other side while Penelope continued setting up the action figures. “This’ll be nice… When he wakes up they’ll all be looking at him… And it’ll be the first thing he sees.” Penelope stepped back and looked at the action figures before looking at me and then Alex.

“That will be nice.” Alex smiled at Penelope. I looked back at Spencer and sighed deeply. There was a moment of silence as we all stared at the sleeping Spencer.

“Alright, this’ll be weird… We’re all just staring at him when he wakes up.” Penelope clapped her hands together as she looked up at me. I looked away from Spencer for a moment to look at my friend. “I’m gonna stand over here,” she whispered before stepping to stand by the window behind me. Surely it wouldn’t be too weird if I watched him while he was out. I mean, I’ve watched him sleep before, and that wasn’t too weird.

After a little bit, I moved so I was kneeling on the ground beside the bed with Spencer’s hand in mine. Penelope was sitting where I once was sitting, her laptop on her lap as she was working on researching something for the team. Alex was sitting, half asleep in the chair by the doorway.

“Do you need anything?” Penelope asked me, resting her hand on my shoulder. I turned my head and looked over at her, feeling slight exhaustion in my eyes. I shook my head and watched her stand.

“Actually, can you get me hot chocolate,” I stopped her once she made it to the door. She turned and looked at me, nodding lightly.

“I’ll go with.” Alex spoke up as she stood to her feet.

“We can get him food for when he wakes up. He’s going to need the carbs and calories,” Penelope I swallowed roughly and watched the two ladies leave. I looked back at Spencer and cocked my head to rest on the bed.

Spencer’s nose twitched slightly before his eyes slowly opened. I lifted my head before moving to sit on the bed beside him. He gently squeezed my hand as he looked at me.

“Hey,” his voice was low and mildly raspy as he spoke.

“I don’t think you understand how happy I am to see you awake, Spence,” I whispered as I grasped his hand. He tiredly smiled at me and blinked. “Penelope went to get ice chips and food for you,” I smiled at him before exhaling, “Alex… Alex went with,” I gestured towards the doorway.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered before squeezing my hand lightly. It wasn’t very hard, but it was just enough for me to notice the action. I furrowed my eyebrows.

“Don’t be sorry,” I shook my head as I rested my lips on the back of his hand.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t as safe as I should have been… And that I made you get that phone call.” He wrinkled his nose as he closed his eyes. I wiped my own eyes and shook my head.

“It wasn’t your fault or Alex’s fault… It’s no one but the guy who shot you… Please don’t blame yourself,” I whispered as I grasped his hand in mine. “I’m just happy you’re okay.” I looked up at him as tears rolled down my cheeks. Spencer tiredly smiled back at me.

Although I was angry that he was currently in the hospital, in Texas, I was okay that he was finally awake and safe. I feel like there was no one to actually blame for this though. I mean, sure there was the bad guy. But, Spencer was just trying to protect Alex.

“What’s wrong,” his voice shook me from my thoughts and brought me to look at him. I wiped my eyes and put a small smile on my lips.

“I’m pregnant,” I whispered as I looked at him. Spencer furrowed his eyebrows as he looked at me. He wanted to readjust in his spot, but I stopped him from moving. “Don’t hurt yourself, Spence.” I rested a hand on his shoulder. He looked at me with a fresh and certain dampness in his eyes.

“When… When did you find out?” he asked as he lifted his to hold mine. I smiled and let him hold it.

“Just -Earlier tonight… Before I came here. I wanted to tell you when you got home. But then I got a phone call from Aaron about… Well-” I looked around the hospital room before looking back at Spencer.

“You’re not jus-”

“Hey! Hey! Hey! Look who’s awake!” Penelope exclaimed as she stepped into the room. I looked over my shoulder at her with a forced smile. Her phone was pressed between her shoulder and ear, and a tray with food in her hands.

Spencer looked at me, his lips still parted, and tears fresh in his eyes. Obviously, he wanted more information about my sudden news to him, but he didn’t want to talk about it in front of Penelope and Alex.

“Just woke up.” I squeezed Spencer’s hand lightly. Alex looked over at me before handing me a paper cup with hot chocolate. I nodded and silently thanked her.

“Tell her she can go now, please.” Penelope looked between Spencer and I as she nodded towards Alex. I laughed as I looked at her.

“I’m okay, Alex. I’m sure the team needs you more than I need you.” Spencer lifted up his other hand and waved her away. It was Alex’s turn to laugh.

“Okay, okay. I’m outta here.” She looked at the three of us with a relieved smile. “I’m happy you’re awake,” she squeezed Spencer’s hand before leaving.

“I got juice, broth, and Jell-o!” Penelope exclaimed as she placed the three items on the table.

“Oh boy, jello! My… My favorite.” He peeled his eyes off me and looked over at Penelope. I kept my eyes on him for a moment longer before looking over at Penelope.

Spencer lifted his hands to pick up the spoon on the table. I smiled as I watched him poke at the food in front of him.

{***}{***}{***}

I looked down at Spencer, who was fast asleep with his head in my lap. I smiled softly as I ran my fingers through his hair. He looked so peaceful as he slept. It was a good thing too. He hardly got any rest in the hospital… Especially after everything that happened. I don’t blame him though.

“When did you find out?” Aaron looked at me with a small smile on his lips. I looked up from Spencer’s face and at Aaron. I noticed everyone was looking upon Spencer and I with joy and excitement on their faces. Do they seriously know? Did they really profile me and my pregnancy? I know JJ wouldn’t tell anyone.

“What… What’re you talking about?” I raised an eyebrow. I continued running my fingers through his hair. I looked down at Spencer when he adjusted in his spot. A small smile tugged onto the corner of my lips as I watched him.

“You have that new mother glow,” David spoke with a smile as he swirled his whiskey. I bit my lips together to hold back the smile I didn’t want to share.

“And, I think you’ve thrown up a dozen and a half times since you came here,” Derek pointed out. I looked over at him, my lips half parted as I prepared to argue back.

“I found out 3 days ago, okay. A few hours before Aaron called me about,” I pointed towards Spencer’s neck. “It’s still new to me… And Spencer,” I whispered as I looked back down at Spencer. I smiled and dropped my shoulders. “I’m just happy he’s okay,” I wrinkled my nose as I lifted my free hand to wipe my eyes.

“Wait, you’re pregnant?” Penelope looked down at me as she stood at the small corridor that held the cockpit and bathroom. I looked up at her and smiled. “How come you didn’t tell me? You were literally in the room when I shot a gun?! Poor baby,” she cringed as she held a hand out towards my belly. I laughed lightly and shrugged.

“I just found out, Penelope. You didn’t scare the bean.” I smiled as I watched her walk towards the back of the plane. The jet was filled, hardly any seats open. “I think you scared me more than anyone else. And that includes Spencer,” I laughed lightly.

“He was about to hurt Spencer! I couldn’t allow that!” she exclaimed as she finally sat down by Cruz. I smiled and looked back down at Spencer.

“And, I appreciate that.” I looked back down at her. It looked like she wanted to continue on about my sudden announcement of my pregnancy, but it seemed like JJ got her to be quiet. I looked back at JJ and mouthed a quick ‘Thank you,’ before looking back down at the still sleeping Spencer.

He wrinkled his nose before shifting so he was facing me. I looked up and over at Alex, who was staring at the table in front of her. Her expression was emotionless and the way she remained silent and away from our minor celebrations worried me.

Aaron’s phone chimed, causing everyone (Spencer excluded) to look his way with fear on their faces. I could feel my heart rate pick up, fearing for everyone around that they’d have to go back.

“Please tell me we don’t have another case, Hotch,” Derek asked, looking at Aaron. I looked between the two before dropping my stare back to Spencer.

“No, we’re going home. We’re getting a break,” Aaron said as he placed his phone back on the table top. I let out a sigh of relief as I pressed my head to the wall behind me. And suddenly I could feel the exhaustion hit me for the first time in 3 days.

{***}{***}{***}

“How are you feeling?” Alex asked Spencer as we went up the stairs to our apartment. I fumbled for our apartment key as we stepped onto the landing.

“I feel great!” Spencer’s tone was sarcastic as he led us to our home. “Eh, that’s overselling it… I feel great considering I just got shot in the neck.” He placed his hand on his shoulder, near where he was shot.

“Is it the whole being a dad thing that’s making you feel great?” Alex asked, looking between Spencer and I.

“That’s what I was thinking,” I smiled back as I looked at Alex. She smiled at me as I stood in front of the door to unlock it.

“I guess you could say that.” Spencer entered the room once the door was unlocked. I allowed Alex in before I stepped in and locked the door. “Having a baby definitely adds to the feeling great feeling.” He smiled at me. I returned the smile and stepped up to him. He looked down at me before kissing me.

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom real quick. Alex, if you’re not here when I get out, it was nice seeing you again… And I hope you have a good rest of the night.” I smiled at her.

“It was nice seeing you again… Wish they were different circumstances,” she dryly laughed as I walked over to her. I wrapped my arms around her body and embraced her in a tight hug. She let out a deep sigh and pressed her face into my shoulder. I bit my lips together and felt tears form in my eyes before stepping away from her.

“Have a nice night,” I whispered before leaving the room. I glanced at Spencer and smiled. He returned the smile with a shy one and waved as I went into our room, and then the bathroom.

I made sure to be quick. I knew Alex would be going home any minute and I didn’t want to leave Spencer alone. He’s been through too much already… He shouldn’t be alone right now.

When I stepped out of our bedroom, Spencer was standing by the window, looking out at the street. Something on my face made me not feel good.

“Where’d Alex go?” I asked as I stepped over to be beside Spencer. I wrapped both my arms around his middle and rested my head on his chest.

“Went home,” his voice was a low whisper. I pouted as I looked out the window to see Alex getting in a taxi cab. Spencer wrapped an arm around me and hugged me tightly.

“Lets go lie down. It’s probably best you get some rest. Maybe the both of us.” I looked up at him. His eyes were wide with a familiar wetness in them. He blinked and looked down at me. “We can talk baby… Something happy,” I smiled at him. Spencer forced a smile onto his lips and nodded.

“Let’s go lie down.” He nodded towards the bedroom. I grasped his hand and pulled him back to the room.

“How long ago did you find out,” Spencer asked, resting his head on my shoulder. I pulled the blanket over our bodies before resting my head on top of his.

“Few days ago… Before Aaron called about…” I shrugged when I didn’t continue my statement. Spencer nodded when he gathered the rest of my thoughts. “But it’s true… I took 3 tests…” I chuckled lightly. Spencer let out a small sigh and nodded.

“Ethan’s a great name… If we have a boy,” Spencer whispered to me as I sat beside him on the bed. I looked over at him and took note of the badge he was holding on to. I dropped my shoulders when I saw Alex’s photo.

“She left, she quit,” he said so softly to try to keep his voice from breaking. I reached over and grasped his hands and rested my head on his shoulder, “Why does everyone leave?” he sighed deeply as he rested his head on top of mine. I glanced up at his face and saw tears were rolling slowly down his cheeks. He was quick, though, to wipe them away. I’m sure he was hoping I didn’t notice. But I did.

“Sometimes people just need to move on. And, I guess it was just Alex’s time to move on,” I replied in a whisper. I lifted my hand and reached for the other side of her badge. “I know her husband wanted her to move to Boston with him,” I added. Spencer flipped the badge closed and dropped it to the comforter.

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Spencer whispered as he grasped my hand. “She called me Ethan, at the scene where I was… I asked her who Ethan was, while you were in the bathroom. And, she had a son. No one knew that. He died when he was 9…” his voice broke again and suddenly I was crying.

“Ethan’s a great name.” I wrinkled my nose as I rubbed my other hand over my incredibly flat tummy. “Perfect name,” I nodded. We sat in a comfortable silence, a silence that was more than welcomed. "Isn't Ethan the name of your college best friend and roommate?" I asked, raising an eyebrow slightly. Spencer’s breathing stilled for a moment before he answered.

"Possibly."

if you want to be a part of a taglist or have any comments about this one shot, let me know here

#shadow posts stuff #shadow writes stuff #masterlist #matthew gray gubler #spencer reid #criminal minds #mgg #spencer reid fan fiction #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #matthew gray gubler fanfiction #matthew gray gubler imagine #matthew gray gubler x reader #doctor spencer reid #doctor spencer reid imagine #doctor spencer reid fan fiction #pls validate me

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absolutebl · 4 years ago

Text

This Week In BL

Feb 2021 Part 1

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs.

Ongoing Series Thai

Manner of Death Ep 11 - a nice beefcake twist, then another twist, plus proud gay dads. We are mighty pleased.

Cupid Coach Ep 4 - Unbearably boring. I’m out. We are not amused.

My Bromance Ep 9 - FINALE I watched it unsubbed (I’ve NOT been following since ep 3) and it looks like it has a nice cute happy ending. I’m now interested in binging it once good subs become available.

1000 Stars Ep 2 - was a lot better than Ep 1, the mains have okay chemistry, the kids are serviceable (child actors, shudder), but I’m really loving all the side characters. We are cautiously optimistic.

Ongoing Series Not Thai

You Are Ma Boy Ep 5 (Vietnam) - pacing still good, cuties are still giving it their all, solid little series with bumpy side couples, confession call & response continues apace.

To My Star Ep 7-9 FINALE (Korea) - quirky as all goddamn getup, but so fucking cinnamon roll tasty. Charming end. Recommended so long as you realize we are in Mr Heart style K-BL. (Also @coldties posted a killer MV for this one.) This one will get a movie rerelease like Wish You, hopefully also on Netflix.

We Best Love: No. 1 For You Ep 6 FINALE (Taiwan) - we got to see boyfriends being domestic af adorable with an ending that was a touch bittersweet but very college appropriate. With season 2 coming March 5 I am disposed to be VERY PLEASED.

What will we do with ourselves and nothing new out of Korea or Taiwan for two WHOLE weeks?

Stand Alone

I rewatched Wish You (2020 Korean series WISH YOU: Your Melody From My Heart now retitled - thank fuck - and available as a movie on Netflix). I have to say Yoon Sang Yi delivers some excellent pining. I’m not a huge insta-love person and there’s some character dev flaws, but it holds up really well and delivers more as a movie then it did as a series.

One of my favorite catches on the rewatch was the way Yoon Sang Yi’s jacket sleeves are always too long. It’s such a perfect little character trait. He is so shy and careful that he shrugs smaller into his coat, and also he hides his hands - when, as a pianist, his hands represent his self actualization and art. He only exposes them when making music... or holding Kang In Soo‘s hand.

Incidentally, I was moved to look these two up... both out of K-pop. (This is my shocked face.)

Breaking News

Lovey Writer dropped its official trailer at last, looking good and trope-filed. It’s set to start Feb 24th.

Top Secret Together dropped its first promo material (Thai, no eng subs). I’m excited about this one, it’s being lead out by an IRL couple.

My Engineer 2

The ME boys dropped an adorable gossip heavy promo vid. ME 2 is finishing up the script and will probably begin filming in April. It’s supposed to still release in 2021 (which makes me worry about post and explains a lot about some of Thai BL’s audio quality issues). With April filming, my guess is for an October (but more likely November) release.

Close Friend

Lay talked about his Close Friend project, which is a MV series from BOX Music featuring musically-inclined actors with established BL pairings so:

KimCop (MarkKit from Gen Y)

JimmyTommy (SaifahZon from Why R U)

JaFirst (LeoFiat from TharnType 2)

YoonLay (NottPun from YYY)

Y-Destiny

Perth talked about Y-Destiny (previous title Destiny) which presumably is already filmed because he said it will be on air at the beginning of this year. As this is a Cheewin project, expect it to be something odd, campy, and frenetic in the YYY style. My guess is they’ll wait until You Only Eat Alone has completed its run before airing Y-Destiny, because who can take more than one Cheewin at a time? No one. Not even Thailand.

KinnPorsche

Perth also talked about KinnPorsche. He said it would be on air... but that he wasn’t allowed to say the date, so we can hope this means they finally got distribution. (The excitement over the trailer probably helped - it has over a million views.) He also said they would start filming soon (so Feb/March) which means, if everything goes smoothly, a late summer release at the earliest. However, with an independent studio, high production values, big cast, and fight sequences I would expect KP to have more post than most BLs, so my guess is it will air towards the end of the year. (And I would be scared for quality if they tried for any earlier.)

KinnPorsche cast also continues to work the BL talk show circuit, they made an appearance on Sosat Seoul Say. Mile & Apo are adorable + good chemistry, in fact the whole cast is adorable with good chemistry, so I’m excited for this series.

Gossip

Cutest beans, Sam & Yu of We Best Love, have been dropping the most charming little lives ever. I’m so pleased we are getting a second season out of them. I can’t remember the title because, ya know, Taiwanese titles are beyond bonkers. But season 2 is listed now.

Hong Kong is reported to be filming its first BL Series (15 eps to air on VIUTV). It will be an adaptation of 2018 Japanese BL drama Ossan’s Love (maybe same title?). Like Cherry Magic this is an office romcom: 30s single man who isn't popular with women lives with his parents. When they kick him out, he moves in with a coworker. Turns out this guy has a crush on him, as does another dude from his office. Foundational tropes: Office romance meets forced proximity meets love triangle. I expect the style out of Hong Kong to be somewhat similar to Taiwan, however they are politically less independent of China Main (although culturally VERY different) so this series could be DOA (for gay) or get killed early in its run (see Addicted web series - or don’t see it, if you’re in China). Also, like the Japanese original (and unlike most Taiwanese stuff), expect VERY low heat. That said, 15 eps is nothing to sneeze at, even if they are only 15-20 min each. So I guess I am... intrigued?

Next Week Looks Like This:

February Update: Others that are airing but I’m not following:

Fools (Vietnamese) - I don’t think it’s going to end happily (it’s from the Stage of Love peeps), so I’m waiting to binge if it does

Brothers (Thai) - deals with taboo relationships from the Thank God it’s Friday people (this will not end well)

Happenstance (Pinoy) - I don’t follow Pinoy BL closely

One Day Pag-ibig (Pinoy) - ibid

Love or Lie (Pinoy) - ibid

The Alter (Pinoy) - ibid

Upcoming 2021 BL master post here.

Links to watch are provided when possible, ask in a comment if I missed something.

#thai bl #thaibl #bl 2021 #bl gossip #upcoming bl #my engineer 2 #kinnporsche #y-destiny #close friend project #ossan’s love #hong kong bl #chinese bl #taiwanese bl #Vietnamese BL #Vietnamese drama #pinoy bl #pinoy drama #lovely writer #We Best Love: No.1 For You

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remythologise · 3 years ago

Note

Hello! I found your blog via you amazingly summarizing all that's going on with the spn drama. Due to my schedules, rl stuff, some of the arcs that didn't vibe with me, my availability to find a place to watch...the rollercoaster I was used to with this fandom was more me binging it in a weekend to going months to over a year without watching it. I still haven't watched the last season(but with a fandom this big it's pretty impossible not be spoiled so I more or less know what happened) BUT oh great one I ask of thee for more information if you have it...other than being busy and whatnot, I'm not really one to keep up with the actors as well. So could you also maybe do a summary of all the stans? I'im seeing terms I haven't seen before. Who is Kelios(sp?)? Hellions?? probably messed it up but like...I guess what are the name of each legion? Who do they have alliance towards? What was their desires? Que paso?!?!?!?

Hi there! 'Some of the arcs that didn't vibe with me' me emotionally quitting Supernatural in Season 7 after they killed Castiel 😂 Anyway I totally get it, I went through the same culture shock mid-last year when I got back into SPN and tried to find where fandom was at! There's really a LOT of lore and content after 15 years though so I'll just do the broad brushstrokes based on my impressions and personal stereotypes PLEASE remember this is oversimplifying groups and individuals to tendencies and I'm very biased! Also important that there are sub-factions within sub-factions - again, I'm simplifying here!

I've also linked to the 'Super-wiki' in terms of some definitions because the Super-wiki has pages for them where the Fandom-wiki does not. Great introduction actually - only in the Supernatural fandom. There are two Supernatural wikis. One, through curation and twitter activity, supports BiBro/Wincest factions and does not support Destiel users. One is more neutral or Destiel-friendly (I don't know that the Fandom wiki has a personality/social media presence per se). You cannot make this up. There is a factional war... within use of fandom wikis.

Destiel faction

People who primarily ship Dean/Cas, love Castiel and (often, although not always) Jack, and the 'found family' of Supernatural as well as the brothers, and like the post s3 seasons too. Hated 15.19 and 15.20 for killing Dean and ignoring the other characters/narrative arc of the show. Nicknamed 'Destihellers' by the Wincest faction as a derogatory term, 'reclaimed' and shortened as 'Hellers', a nickname they use affectionately to describe each other. See more info on nicknames here.

Sometimes also ship ‘Cockles’ (the ship between Misha Collins and Jensen Ackles) although generally speaking they're more respectful of the wives of the actors than J2 shippers, who are notoriously responsible for... a vast series of insane-fan misdemeanours. Historically most were also good at keeping RPF to themselves and not harassing celebrities with it directly, although recently, particularly with younger twitter fans, that has not been the case.

Sub-factions:

The ‘Desticule’ or ‘Destiel tumblr’ - general grouping of Destiel-shipping tumblr users around 20-30 years old, usually LGBT+, most who came back to the show post-15.18 after leaving it for various reasons including getting sick of the queerbaiting. Funniest bitches alive etc. and responsible for the best text posts you’ve ever seen. Can also start stupid discourse and in-group drama when they’re bored.

'POLOL' - People of Lots of Letters, a discord group (of tumblr and twitter users) that ran on the assumption Andrew Dabb was playing a hugely intricate game of 3D chess to do with gnostic symbolism among other things, and would make Destiel canon. Have since had their own factional sub-wars and fallen apart a bit. Some of their meta was and is good and interesting! Some of it was wildly off the mark. Now generally insist that Dabb/the writers were all pushing for Destiel canon and the network is entirely to blame.

Twitter fans (TikTok edition) - younger fans around 18 and younger who (FOR REASONS BEYOND ME) started watching the show around 2018-2020. Definition of 'stans'. Tend to be very loud and aggressive on twitter when Events Happen, which like. I do get, because they've grown up in a completely different media environment and this kind of Dinosaur Politicking around LGBT+ issues is beyond them. Fancam central. Anyway stream #CASTIEL for clear skin!

Twitter fans (AO3 edition) - older fans around 30+ who kept going with the show but either don't have a large tumblr presence or just prefer twitter. A lot of fic writers, GISH-ers, and BNFs in this group. Some of them are very cool and reasonable in their opinions, some of them act like the younger stans. Some of them too accepting of what happened wrt 15.19-20 in my opinion, because, in contrast to the younger twitter stans, they grew up expecting Destiel to NEVER be canon or respected. 'Can't believe we got this far' etc.

Multiship faction

Multishippers or shippers of things not as large as the two main behemoths . Sub-factions based on shipping, e.g. Megstiel and Sastiel. I don't think these groups are very large though, and seem to have very little influence in the Discourse.

Wincest faction

LARGE overlap with the 'BiBro' faction and their opinions, which I'll get to. Ship Sam and Dean romantically. Often pretend to be BiBros on places like twitter and reddit in order for outside groups to take their opinions more seriously. 'Wincesties' etc. are derogatory nicknames given by the Destiel faction.

Sub-factions:

Multiship fans - ship Sam and Dean but respect Castiel/the 'found family'. Politically overlap with the faction of multishippers, I think. I don't have a lot of insight on this group of people honestly, but I know they exist.

Bronlies - the typical BiBro and 'Wincest' shippers most people think of, twitter user 'Kelios' is one of the would-be ringleaders of this faction - typically tend to be older white midwestern women. Historically have been pretty nasty on twitter (leading to Robert Berens, writer who made Destiel canon, occasionally subtweeting Kelios). Also tend to ship 'J2' - and take it very seriously as a legitimate thing that is really real. This is called 'tinhatting'.

BiBro faction

People who think the show should JUST be about the brothers, love Supernatural s1-3 and everything after it should have been just like Supernatural s1-3. Hate Castiel, Jack, and the 'found family'. Largely loved 15.20. Go to literally any comments section on any Supernatural article and You Will Find Them complaining about how the show should just be about the Brothers. Tend to be older, straighter, and more conservative/Republican (and male) fans. (I am aware that the definition of 'BiBro' used to refer to people who just liked the brothers but there's no definitional difference now in the discourse.) The Wincest and BiBro faction are generally much more wealthy than the Destiel faction (they being younger and more diverse/queer/left-leaning in general) and would be the biggest revenue generators at conventions etc.

Sub-factions:

Reddit bros - literally anyone who visits r/supernatural. Well, that's not fair - there are people who post reasonable opinions on there, but it's pretty rare and they get downvoted a lot. Like to talk about 'toxic Destiel fans' 'ruining the show' and how Dean is a straight man who is straight and could never possibly be gay. Might even think the confession was platonic despite all evidence to the contrary. I'm Not Homophobic I Have Gay Friends, But No Gays on MY Show!

Old Guard - group of older fans who overlap strongly with the Wincest faction, but might not necessarily ship Wincest.

GA faction

'General Audience' - These are the group of audience members that aren't 'online' so to speak; most watch the show on TV as a Casual Viewing Experience (are therefore also sometimes referred to as 'casuals'. Mostly their opinions tend towards BiBros, but they have a vast range of baffling views thanks to being Not Online and usually Not caring about Supernatural that much or thinking that deeply about it.

Sub-factions:

People who simply watch Supernatural on TV and then don't think about it very much after that.

I said they weren't 'online' but that's not entirely true; I'd probably classify people on Supernatural Facebook Groups as GA, along with friends of friends who post statuses about how 15.20 was a neat finale that wrapped up the series.

Conclusion

Supernatural is famously the show that appeals to both Republicans and Democrats, literally All Orientations, so there's a WIDE range of factions. However, most warring online boils down to Destiel vs. Wincest/BiBro - the war that started in Season 4 and has simply never ended. In terms of the 'actors' and their stans, in general, Wincest/BiBro fans love Jared, like Jensen, and dislike Misha. Destiel fans love Misha, like Jensen, and dislike Jared. Of course as with everything, there are variations and this is just a generalisation. But that's the summary of it, from my perspective!

This didn't even get into Sam girls, Dean girls and Cas girls. God. Anyway.

Hope that answered your question, anon!

#for some reason read more does not work on my blog main page now? you'll have to click the permalink #season 17 time for a theme change tumblr has broken this one too much sigh #ask #anonymous #this might be the most controversial thing I've ever posted or I might escape with nobody noticing it. Only Two Outcomes #didn't mention any other factional ringleaders because well #I value my life etc.#unironically who will fund me writing the PhD on supernatural fandom etc. etc.#the graphs. the statistics. the sociological insights #kira for ts #supernatural spoilers #spn spoilers

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thediamondgirl17 · 4 years ago

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Feitan Porter x Reader: A Long Time Ago

Hey everyone! I'm not dead I promise! I have been BINGING HxH and JJK for anyone who is interested in knowing. And let's just say Feitan caught my eye and sparked a bit of my creative interest! I still don't know a lot about the PT so your gonna have to give me a bit of artistic liberty here. As always if you want a second part to this, or want me to write something for you feel free to go to my ask box! I'm always open to new ideas! Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

Warnings: PG-13, light HxH Season 3 spoilers, mentions of sensitive subjects.

You didn’t grow up in Meteor City. You lived just outside of it growing up. That meant that you weren’t exactly the most wealthy person in the world, then again not the poorest. However, you had known of the City. Murmurs, whispers, and tales of the cursed city were always among the gossip in your home town. It was never anything abnormal when the adults would whisper things to each other out of your earshot when you were little. However the one thing that had stuck with you the most was the warning that every adult gave you when you went to play by yourself as a child.

“Stay away from the edge of town.”

That was it. Nothing more and nothing less. However, children’s minds tend to block out the logical reasonings of adults so that it is able to explore the unknown for itself. And that is exactly what happened to you.

You had packed a bag with some food in it for a picnic. Your parents were home, and not exactly caring where you ran off to as long as you came back before sunset. So your little legs carried you through town as quickly as they could to get to the edge of town. It wasn’t that long of a walk but it had made you a bit tired. As you got closer to the far edge of town, the grass began to die and the trees begun to wilt. It was as if you crossed over to a whole new deserted world.

You had told yourself that you were going to stop at the edge of town. Told yourself that you were just going to admire the scenery and then head back. Of course though, children never listened, even to themselves. So you continued on, eventually finding yourself walking along broken down buildings that looked like they would collapse. The air was dry and polluted, which made it hard to breathe.

“Look what we have here.” An older man had said. He looked to be in his 40s. He had this disgusting smell of cheap cologne and a dirty five o’clock shadow that covered his chin. “A cute little girl. C’mere...Let’s talk.” He smiled, revealing crocked yellow teeth.

Now, you had not been scared up to this point, but this worried you. You gripped your bag tightly in your hands and took a weary step backwards, away from the man in front of you. Your heart rate had quickened and you closed your eyes, moving your head away from him fearing the worst.

It was only until you felt a hand in your own quickly drag you away from the creepy old man that you opened your eyes. A young boy, much scrawnier than yourself, but obviously your age dragged you along. Your legs had a hard time keeping up with his experienced ones. From the looks of him, he was a native. He stopped after being sure that the two of you weren’t followed. You heaved after the two of you had stopped running and put your hands on your knees to catch your breath.

“Th-Thank Y-you...,” You gasped, trying to catch your breath. But there was only silence. So you tilted your head up to look at him, only to see a small pocket knife aimed between your eyes.

“Give me your money.” He stated. His black hair was greasy and dirty from not having been washed in a while. And his clothes were tattered and much to small for him at this point. You blinked and looked down at your bag. His cold tone had shaken you to your core.

“I-I don’t h-have any m-money o-on me...,” You said softly. “B-but...D-do you wanna split my sandwich?” You asked looking back up at the boy, from the way that you spoke to him, the two of you knew you would have asked that question whether or not that knife was aimed between your eyes.

“...80:20.” He demanded. And you had offered him the softest smile that he had ever seen in his life. Though on the outside he didn’t falter, the inside of him felt...different. You reached into your bag and pulled out your sandwich. You ripped it much over half way and handed him the larger piece.

He was hesitant at first when he took the food. He slowly lowered the knife and began eating, quickly shoving it into his mouth before anyone or anything else could get to it. You sat down on the ground beside him and began eating your own piece.

“Why are you staying? I could kill you.” He demanded to know.

“Then you already would have and taken the rest of my sandwich...I have a water bottle in here too.” You added. “Do you want it?” He nodded. You reached into your bag and pulled out the water bottle, handing it to him. “Here.” He quickly took it out of your hands and drank half of it in one go. His shoulders relaxing ever so slightly from it.

“In one week.” He said, keeping his demanding tone. “You will come back and bring me food and water.”

“Any requests?” You asked tilting your head. He looked down at you.

“Just make sure it’s edible.” And with that, the black haired boy was off.

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From that day forward, every week, you brought him food. You learned his name and where he took shelter. You had learned how many people he had killed, and what happened to his parents. You learned his favorite food. And learned that he was a total sadist. However, you kept coming back to provide him food and water. The last time you say him was many years after your first encounter. The two of you were 15 years old. He had begun to look more handsome in your eyes. And vice versa, though he would never admit it. The two of you sat on a run down bridge that looked old and crumbly.

“Don’t come anymore.” He said sipping from the water bottle.

“Huh? Why?” You asked looking over at him.

“I am able to get myself food and water more often now.”

“Well duh...That’s obvious...I had noticed you started gaining weight like three months ago.” You paused. “I meant that as a good thing.” \

“I know you did.” He said, talking slow like he always did, being sure to pronounce each syllable of the word. “But still.” He stood up and stretched out a bit. “I don’t want to see you anymore.”

“Bullshit!” You called. “Fei...What’s up with you?” You asked softly.

“Get out of this region. Leave and don’t come back. Make a life for yourself.” He said in that same demanding tone of his. “I have. it’s time you do too.” He turned and faced away from you. “Goodbye.”

“Will I see you again?” You asked standing up and staring at his back.

“If you do...It will end up with you dying.” And those were his final words as he walked away.

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Each week after that you brought food to your usual meet up spot. Enough for two. But he never came. It took about five weeks for you to finally get it through your head that he...was gone.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

You had made a life for yourself outside of Meteor City. You had moved away to a nice countryside where everything was peaceful and relaxed. Life was almost perfect. Your job had provided you with enough money to live comfortably and go on vacations every couple of years. However, something in your life was missing. And you knew exactly what it was. However, the only thing you had taking up your mind at the moment was your vacation to York New City. Everything with the Phantom Troupe had just ended. The city assured visitors that the troupe was dead, and not a single one remained to roam free any longer. That news gave you comfort.

Stepping off the train, the bright lights of the city were burning brightly in your face, even though it was nighttime. You had wanted to enjoy it more, so you went to your hotel, put down your things and quickly headed out for a fun night on the town. You had your purse in one hand, and your other was free and by your side.

About 20 minutes of walking had passed before you had reached an old abandoned part of town. That little child that still lived inside you urged you to go and explore it. ‘A look around couldn’t hurt.’ You thought to yourself. Your shoes gently clacked along the sidewalk as you continued to walk. Through the allies and dust ridden streets. All of it reminded you of a place a long time ago, and an old friend whom you hadn’t seen in ages.

However, your nostalgia had faded the moment you heard a small gust of wind come from behind you. It had made you pause where you stood, and your whole happy demeanor shifted. In the last few years you had spent with Feitan, he had taught you some self defense.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“Your small...like me...and easy prey for anyone.” The black haired boy said, standing up from his spot beside you. You were sitting on the edge of Meteor City where there was some dead grass.

“And why is this important?” Your thirteen year old self said to the thirteen year old boy beside you.

“I can’t always save your ass.” He replied in a slow and snarky way.

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That little training session had taught you a lot. Like how to unconsciously use zetsu. Of course back then you had no idea what it meant, after doing some research on it when you were older you learned it was helpful. So, you masked your presence from the person who was currently following you. You gently slipped off your shoes to limit the sound of your feet on the ground and silently began to walk forward again.

A woman had pinned you against the wall behind you with strength outnumbering your own. She had a large nose, a blonde bobcat, and her chest was exposed from how many buttons were unbuttoned.

“Who are you?” She demanded. “Why are you here? Who sent you?” She asked, holding a knife to your throat. You gulped and steadied your breathing, another thing that Feitan had taught you. Her eyes were directly on yours. ‘Good’ You thought to yourself. You lifted your leg to kick the knife out of her hand, but her other hand caught your leg with ease. You used that momentum to flip yourself over and kick the knife out of her hand. However, her hand remained grabbed tightly onto your ankle.

You moved and started kicking your free foot into her arm, it wouldn’t do much damage to someone like her, but would at least leave some bruising. She grumbled something along the lines of, ‘I’m gonna kill you,’ and grabbed your other leg, sending you to the ground on your back. You coughed up a little blood and used the shoes in your hand to throw harshly at her face. It caused her hands on your ankles to falter just enough in order for you to get up and start running. “If you can’t win. Run.” You heard from the memory of your old friend. You were panting and looked behind you to see if she had been following. However she stopped. And just watched from a distance. You had no idea what hit you until you were on your stomach with your face pushed to the ground and a foot harshly stepping onto your back.

“I’m gonna enjoy this kill...,” A familiar slow voice said from above you. Your eyes widened and you stopped moving. “Scared?” He asked teasingly.

“F-fei...?” You questioned and let out a cough right after. The black haired man currently standing above you felt his eyes widen ever so slightly. His grip softened and he released you. You coughed on the ground and sat up, looking as dirty as you did as a child.

“Leave.” He stated. “...or you will die.”

“Fei wait! Talk to me it’s been year-,” You were cut off when a strong hand wrapped around your neck from behind and held it harshly.

“You know her Feitan? How great!” A happy blonde said lifting up your body off the ground by your neck. “Let’s take her to the boss! I’m sure he’ll be happy to meet her!”

“No...,” The black haired man said looking at the blonde.

“Flip a coin. Call it in the air.” The woman from before said and flipped a coin.

“Tails.” Feitan called. Unfortunately the coin landed on heads.

You had quickly felt the air escaping your lungs. You scratched and struggled and squirmed in his grip for all but no avail.

“She’s got fire! I think the boss will have fun!” He said happily and dropped you onto your knees. You gasped and wrapped your hands gently around your sensitive throat. After regaining a bit of oxygen in your body, the three had started to lead you with them. You were silent with your head facing downward. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Once you had gotten to the hideout, you saw how everyone laid around relaxed and only really looked up when they saw your figure. It was quiet, dark, and damp. It was cold and held hostility.

“Hey Boss! Look what we found! She is very entertaining!” The blonde said happily into the dimly lit room. A man whom sat at the center of the room looked up from his book and made direct eye contact with you. You felt a shiver run down your spine and glanced away to avoid eye contact.

“Why is she here Shalnark?” He asked leaning back a bit.

“She was coming here. She knew how to use Zetsu...and she gave Pakunoda a few good bruises. I thought she would be entertaining!” He admitted almost like you weren’t a person at all.

“Tell me.” The leader said, looking at you once again. Even with looking away from him you still felt the intense eyes on you. “Why are you here?”

“Fuck off.” You spat and kept looking away from him.

“Feisty...Maybe we can force it out of you.” He said and leaned back more.

“She seems annoying.” A black haired girl with glasses said, looking up from whatever she was doing.

“Her attacks were...,” The blonde girl said. “Not experienced...but definitely survival.”

“I’ll ask one more time.” The man up front said. “Why did you come here? To the den of spiders?”

“Spiders?” You whispered. Then you eyes widened and you shot a look over at Feitan. However he didn’t move, just kept is eyes forward in a bored way.

“Ah...So it seems you know him. Feitan, care to explain.”

“She is an old friend. From Meteor City.” He said slowly.

“A native?” The blonde asked.

“...no.” You said and looked up at the boss. “I lived right outside the city.”

“So still in poverty. I’m sure being that close to the city, you had met Feitan before correct?”

“Yes...,” You said softly.

“Were you trying to find him?”

“No...I-I’m on vacation...I came to the city to enjoy it...But this area reminded me of home...so...I took a walk...,” You admitted and looked down. “Are you going to kill me?”

“Probably. You know where out hideout is now.” He said and sighed. “Though I don’t care. You will either stay, or die.”

“Die!” Most of them shouted.

“Stay.” Feitan said loud enough beside you to allow him to hear.

“Then we flip a coin.” He stated and pulled out the same coin that the girl had. He flipped it. “I call tails.” And it landed on it’s head. “Then she shall stay. Feitan, she is your responsibility now.” He stated and that was it. Everyone went back to what they were doing.

“Come.” He stated and started walking down the hallway. You quickly followed behind, now noticing the slight height difference. You were only taller by a few centimeters, but it was taller. Once out of sight from the Troupe he paused. “I told you to leave.”

“And I wanted to see you again! It has been years after you left! Now letters. No pictures. No post cards! Nothing! I still waited for a whole month for you to come back and you didnt!” You shot at him.

“Still a loudmouth?”

“Still a heartless sadist?”

“It’s more of a hobby.” He said coldly, but you knew it was a joke. You smiled softly and stepped closer to him.

“Your so pale...Were you always this pale?”

“Yes. Where you always this annoying?”

“You know it.” You replied.

There was a long moment of silence between the two of you. You stepped closer to him and hesitantly reached up, and gripped on to his collar. You slowly pulled it down and moved your face closer to his, of course it was all slow and hesitant. The only time it wasn’t was when he craned his neck forward to finally meet your lips.

The kiss wasn’t long, or deep, but definitely was not one a friend would give. You gently pulled away from him and he did the same. Your cheeks were warm and his had the slightest tinge of pink on them, that is if you looked hard enough.

“Come with me.” He said lifting up the collar around his neck. “I’ll show you where you will be staying.”

And even though you were in a damp, dark, musky, run down building that was probably going to collapse. Everything finally felt perfect once again.

#hunter x hunter #feitan #feitan x reader #anime #xreader

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lydia-yougowith-stiles · 4 years ago

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My Top Ships of 2020

It’s FINALLY here!! The list of my top ships of 2020. What a year it was and I can’t believe it’s already January 8th as I’m writing this. Just like I mentioned with my 2020 TV Wrap Up, a lot of these ships helped me escape during 2020. I can’t wait to see where they’re headed for 2021. I have also started watching a few things in December, but I will be saving those ships for my 2021 list. (You’ll notice I have already expanded this list from last year.) Last year, I debated about including an Honorable Mentions sections. This year I will be including it because I wanted to still talk about these ships, but found it hard to rank them with the others. Without further ado here we go!

Oh! One last thing. Compared to previous years Bellarke has not made it on this list. J. Roth did us dirty with this last season of the 100 and I will pretend it didn’t exist.

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

~ Anne with an E: Jerry and Diana

These two were SOOO CUTE until Diana started acting rude and left our perfect boy Jerry. Watching this last season back, I grew not to like this couple as much as I did the first time. This most definitely had to do with the fact that I knew the outcome AND I could see Diana using him more earlier. She wanted to experience something different and rebel and Jerry was there. But they were so cute as they walked home together and shared books. I’m also really proud of Anne for sticking by Jerry when she found out the truth about their relationship. (As you probably already know I love Jerry so much and don’t want any harm to come for him, so this was a tough one, but yes I’m still including it.)

~Umbrella Academy: Klaus and Dave

I started watching Umbrella Academy this year, so I was lucky to not just experience the first season, but also the second. I instantly fell in love with Klaus and Dave and we barely got any scenes with them. (That’s my main reason for making them an honorable mention rather than a permanent spot on this list.) I wish we had more scenes with them in love. We do get some great moments in scene two with a younger Dave, which highlights Klaus’ love for him, but it’s not the same. I really love how much Dave changed Klaus. I would argue they’re my favorite romantic relationship on the show.

~Walking Dead World Beyond: Hope and Elton

Here’s my classic shipping people together who weren’t technically romantic (but honestly those often make the best and most satisfying ships if the writers open their eyes to the chemistry that is on screen...but I digress). While they technically weren’t “romantic” you could tell that Elton grew to have a crush on Hope as the season went on. There was definitely a lot going on between their characters as Hope ***I’m going to try and avoid a spoiler here*** was one of the last people to see Elton’s mom. I think there’s potential for these two down the road and as there are only 2 seasons slotted for Walking Dead World Beyond, I can only hope this is the path the writers take.

~Violetta: Angie and Pablo

Okay, so even if you have not heard of the Disney Channel telenovela “Violetta” or seen many of my posts, can you just appreciate the chemistry in the above moment between these two people! For a good amount of season 1 of the show, Angie and Pablo were the couple for me and I was ESTATIC when they finally got together. I anticipated it wouldn’t be for long because of slight spoilers and more intuition, but god were they beautiful together. Friends to lovers to the extreme. Screw Herman! Now as I’m slowing watching season 3, I know these two won’t be OTP, but I can savor in this moment and remember the good times.

17. Violetta: Violetta and Leon

Two back to back Violetta appreciation posts. This show took up my entire 2020 from awaiting for season 2 (and 3) on Disney Plus, as well as watching the 80 episodes (a piece!). Currently, I’m trying to get back into wanting to watch season 3 (as other shows took precedent). With the amount of Violetta I watched, I couldn’t leave Violetta and Leon off this list. They were the favored ship of the show (and one of the most central). In season 1 it took me a little time to like them together, but by episode 35 I could feel the mutual attraction. I remember the moment of them singing/playing piano together. I knew they’d be endgame. My main complaint is that when these two are a part they are SUPER ANNOYING! Like they (specifically I’m thinking of Leon) say rude things about the other person and I’m like how could you be okay to get back together? Their best moments are definitely in season 2, whether singing to the other person or imagining singing to them. Definitely at the end of the season when they’re in Spain. I still have to watch the end of their love story, so I hope it’s satisfying.

16. High School Musical the Musical the Series: Nini and Ricky

So I added this ship onto my list long before I knew about any real-life/personal drama that was happening among the cast. I considered taking it off the list, but as I am discussing the fictional characters I decided to leave it. High School Musical the Musical the Series was a very early 2020 watch. I liked the show more than I was expecting and was upset to hear that season 2 wouldn’t include a performance of High School Musical 2. (I mean, Beauty and the Beast...really?) This was one of those extremely rare times where I actually liked a ship that was the main ship. Usually, I favor the other part of the love triangle or the underappreciated part. I was both shocked and happy when Ricky and Nini kissed in the finale and got together. Of course the final episode ended with some hurtles for season 2 (which now I guess there will be even more), but it was good to see them together and happy.

15. Legacies: Hope and Josie

With all of these shows ending earlier than they should have due to COVID, I feel like I’m going to sound like a broken record when I say I don’t remember a lot of what happened in this last season. (I guess for 2021 I’ll have to take more thorough notes, but then again you can see which ships I like more.) With Hope and Josie, season 2 was a bit of a rough road. I mean, what do you expect when you erase yourself from existence for the greater good, which means that your boyfriend hooks up with your friend/eventual lover? (Yes, I added in that second part.) Josie and Landon felt very awkward in the beginning of this season when they were in “love” and forgot about Hope. (I rarely heard anyone say they liked them together.) It got more awkward when Hope came back in the picture and had to watch them together. Then we had that spill with Josie being evil (which I was surprised they tackled so early on in the show. Feels like a later plot to explore). Due to all these hurtles, there were less opportunities for my OTP of Legacies. The best moment we got was in the above photo when Hope went into Josie’s subconscious and was speaking to Josie as a fictional pig the whole time. We will never forget how the “pig” suggested Hope kiss her awake. Come on Julie! Give us what we want!

14. Single Parents: Will and Angie

Will and Angie were far down on my Top Ships last year. Another friends to lovers, you could just feel the chemistry between these two and that was strengthened in season 2. (I just loved some couples more this year I guess.) Last year, they couldn’t really act on too much romance between these two because of Poppy and Douglas’ relationship, but as those two had some drama this season, Will and Angie had a greater chance of getting together. We watched moments where the two pretended to be a couple (for the sake of Will’s parents) and eventually Will came to the realization of his feelings for Angie. In a classic season 2 plot device of a sitcom, Angie decided to go with her real-life husband/Graham’s dad at the end of the season. But you could see she also had feelings for Will and they HAVE to act on those next season. I can’t remember if the show got a third season, and I will be crushed if they didn’t. Previously, they’ve been mid-season starts so I feel hopeful.

13. Emma: Emma and Knightley

The last movie I watched in movie theaters was Emma. While it makes me sad that I haven’t been able to go back since, this film was a great one to hold this memory. As an avid Jane Austen fan (and period drama as you will continue to notice), I LOVED this Emma and Knightley pairing. This couple is one of my favorites of the Austen heroines and heroes and I have many favorite reincarnations from Romola Garai and Johnny Lee Miller to Joanna Sotomura and Brent Bailey in Emma Approved (still so sad those two broke up). So it was very hard to live up to what I’ve watched and liked before. Anya Taylor-Joy and Johnny Flynn did not disappoint and will be one of the combos I think of when I re-visit the novel. I love how we didn’t focus on their crazy age difference and really highlighted on their relationship as family friends and going back a long time. I specifically like the decision to bring in some early nods to Knightley admitting his feelings for Emma and then not doing so because of the presence of Frank Churchill. Just talking about all of this makes me want to re-watch the movie all over again. :) **If you’re a fan of this combo or Emma/Knightley in general that you have to watch this video. It is amazing!

youtube

12. Avatar The Last Airbender: Zuko and Katara

Another binge from 2020. I watched Avatar the Last Airbender in the summer and was amazed by the story-telling and how deep they could get for a kid’s program. Despite, being in MS/HS when the show originally aired, I hadn’t watched it before. So many people had told me to do and then with the help of Netflix, I felt the pull to do so during quarantine. When I headed into the show, I thought Zuko and Katara eventually got together. Mainly, because I know the fandom and love for them is so strong. I instantly felt this too. There were so many great parallels between there characters. (I mean clearly we have the whole water and fire dynamic.) Even when these two weren’t in scenes together I was thinking about how well they’d work together. So needless to say I was disappointed when they didn’t get to be endgame. We did a lot of great moments at the end of season two and definitely with season three. The Last Agni Kai scene will forever give me chills and represent how deep Zutara is. The evidence is all right there. Such a great ship.

11. Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist: Zoey and Max

Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist was one of my favorite watches of 2020 and such a feel good show for a moment with a lot of uncertainty. (I highly recommend if you haven’t watched it. Season 2 just started on NBC this week.) For a while I felt very on the fence if I shipped Zoey more with Simon or Max. As you can notice friends to lovers has been a common thread with my posts (although I LOVE a good enemies to lovers) and Max was that 100%. Plus, he’s played by Skylar Astin so what’s not to love. Despite, all of that I felt both of the men in Zoey’s life had potential and I could be happy if she ended up with either one. By episode 6 I was leaning towards Max (if I’m remembering correctly this would be the “When I Wake Up” number with the scooter) and then by episode 8 I was all in! I mean she sang “I’m Yours” to him. (Episode 8 was one of my favorites for the whole season. She did a fantastic job singing and I loved the twist of events. Also, Max being there for her was adorable. The “Pressure” song in the conference room OMG, get me a Max!) The only thing that upset me about their relationship and Max’s character was how sudden his emotions were. It became all or nothing and it felt like too much. He shouldn’t have given Zoey an ultimatum like that. Once he went to work upstairs, I grew to not like this character. Luckily by the last episode I saw some of the old Max again. We’ll see what happens with this new season.

10. Julie and the Phantoms: Julie and Luke

Julie and the Phantoms: I cannot talk highly enough of this show. It is amazing and everyone needs to be watching it. Of course, it was created by Kenny Ortega so need I say more...but there is so much more to appreciate too. The actors are fantastic and I love the characters they portray! I also can’t stop listening to the music. But this moment is for Julie and Luke, sorry, I should stop promoting the show :) It was very obvious that two members of the band should fall in love and with Julie and Luke both writing their own music and being passionate about their craft it became a no-brainer that they should end up catching feelings for one another. Of course, there’s the major hurtle that he’s a ghost, but we can figure that out in season 2. Luke is obviously the better pick for Julie (Nick who?). They are just so adorable together and I can’t get over that moment when he talks to her at school by her locker and she pretends to talk on her phone. The way they look at each other says it all. (Such great acting!) Then there’s Edge of Great and Luke’s guitar solo. OH! They’re so meant for each other. While no season 2 announcement has been realized yet, there’s no way this show does not get renewed.

9. The 100: Murphy and Emori

Okay, so I know this sounds hypocritical that I said I won’t think the last season of the 100 exists and here are Murphy and Emori. But in my defense they are the best part of this season and my love for them as a couple really came to a head this season. Murphy had so much character growth and I was fearing for his life almost every episode. Same went for Emori especially after her accident I didn’t feel positive. These two (along with Raven) were the shining beacon in a very disappointing and confusing season. I love how close they are and how strong they make each other. They have been through so much and it was nice to see them so happy (despite everything going on). You just knew they’d always have each other’s backs no matter what.

8. Violetta: Fran and Diego

I feel like I would do anything for this ship and I have so many more episodes of season 3 to go. (So that’s saying something.) Another Violetta ship, but arguably the best and one that I know is endgame because I grew so obsessed that I started searching for spoilers early on. (That’s how you know it’s bad. Especially when you’re watching YouTube videos without subtitles, so you have no idea what they’re saying, but they look happy and therefore you are happy.) Fran and Diego only got together in the third and finale season of Violetta. Previously, they were a part of different romances (Diego a major one with Violetta), but at the start of this season they are put together in a lot of situations and quickly grow a strong relationship. You can feel the chemistry instantly! They just fit each other so well. Their singing voices together-OMG! While it took FOREVER for their relationship to be public knowledge, I really haven’t had any other problems with them together. (And with 80 episodes it could easily be the case.) A positive of having more than 30 episodes to go: I have more opportunity to fall even more in love with these two.

7. Sanditon: Esther and Babington

I LOVE THESE TWO SO MUCH! I watched Sanditon so long ago that my memory could get fuzzy, but one thing that stands out clearly is how great it was watching Esther and Babington get together. When thinking about this show people will probably immediately think of Sidney and Charlotte and while they are great and the central couple of the series, these two have my heart. Esther has SO MUCH character growth and development and Babington is a big influence on that. He helps her to see that she can be so much more than what she currently is doing and gets her away from her brother and that lifestyle. For a bit it was touch and go and I wasn’t sure if the two would be endgame, but luckily they were. It appeared to be a marriage out of friendship/necessity. Babington is fine with loving Esther more and hoping she’ll grow to love him. This quickly changes with a scene where we see the two looking very much in love. While this show only used Jane Austen’s unfinished novel as a stepping stone and became a lot more modern (than most fans liked), I thought it did a nice job with several aspects. The main one being Esther’s character. It is a show that I will definitely be re-watching and will always be upset that it did not get a second season.

6. Legends of Tomorrow: Ava and Sara

A great ship since Ava was introduced. These two balance each other out so well and are one of the most constant ships on the show. (As the Waverider’s doors continue to be revolving in recent seasons.) Each season we watch their relationship deepen and I truly felt that with this most recent season of Legends. Now this might sound super ironic, because from what I can remember (remember 2020 brain, it’s been a while since watching), Sara was off the Waverider a lot, leaving Ava in charge. Sara was away for so many episodes that I started to question (and do a lot of Google searching) if she was leaving the show. Despite the two being a part, I feel we got to know Ava’s character more. She has definitely grown since we first met her all those seasons ago. Due to this development, I felt this couple deserved this spot on the list. When we got to the end of last season ***SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS*** and it looked like Sara (and actually all the Legends) might die, my heart broke for them. Ava and Sara deserve the world. And with the way the finale ended it’s going to be some time till they get it. Once again, Legends is the best CW Superhero show (I said it) and everyone should be watching it.

5. The Spanish Princess: Mary Tudor and Charlie Brandon

This ship is so underappreciated and deserves to be talked about more!!! (Another common thread in many of these entries.) I have searched for Tumblr posts and YouTube videos and have only found a few dedicated to this couple. There needs to be more!! As the second season of the Spanish Princess dragged for me a bit, once Mary Tudor and Charlie Brandon got more screen time and a plot-line I was instantly sucked in. They nicely balanced the falling out of love of Katherine and Harry. There should have been more scenes with Mary and Charlie. Right away, you could feel some sort of chemistry, but Mary had to be married to the King of France. Then the King dies and she’s promised to pick a marriage of love for her second marriage. Knowing her brother and expecting that she will be married off again she marries the messenger come to get her from France, Charlie Brandon. Super intrigued by their story I looked up the history of the real Mary and Charlie Brandon and their story matches very closely. They got married despite the King’s rules and had many children together. It seems to be a marriage of love like she wanted. This couple will forever be one of my favorites.

They are also one of my major reasons for wanting to watch the Tudors. While they completely change the Mary and Charles romance (Firstly by naming her Margaret), at least it was very easy to watch. As Charles Brandon is played by the beautiful Henry Cavill.

4. The Outpost: Talon and Garret

Speaking of underappreciated ships (and TV shows), I present Talon and Garret from CW’s The Outpost. It was SO HARD for me to find a picture from the third (and latest season) of them to put with this post. It’s even hard to watch any scenes of the show on YouTube. Talon and Garret FINALLY got together this season and it was ABOUT TIME! Since season 1 you have felt the tension between these two, but there were always obstacles and people in between them. There seemed to be potential in the first season and by the start of third I was not holding out hope anymore that they would be together. So, it was such a joyous occasion when they became endgame (is that too soon to say? I have no idea if there’s another season on the horizon). This couple solidified my love for a WARRIOR romance. One where, despite being two different genders (and for this show species), both partners are equal in strength and fighting ability. (Well, Talon could take Garret, but they are such a powerful duo!) I now want to read and watch more romances/ships with this trope. [Please let me know if you have any suggestions.] Just talking about them, I can’t help but smile (almost as big as Garret when he saw Talon again before she left for another mission). At the end of the season they might have tried to make it seem like they would pick other partners and I’m so glad they didn’t. You seriously need to watch this show if any of the above sounded appealing/you like high fantasy and maybe a little CGI cheesiest.

3. The Society: Grizz and Sam

It breaks my heart talking about this ship ever since Netflix released that they were taking back the second season renewal of The Society. I started watching the Society during quarantine (shocking I know), but I do remember a lot from my time watching (more shocking, right?). Hands down the best couple from this show was Grizz and Sam. They weren’t introduced right away and again I might have cheated when I suspected the two might get together, so I looked up some spoilers. (Honestly, that’s the best sign of a ship in my book. If I can’t wait and need to look up spoilers then your show has a good thing going.) Individually Grizz and Sam were my favorite characters and then pairing them together I was dead. So many amazing moments with them. Naturally we didn’t get enough and I will continue to watch fan videos (because there are so many). They are precious and I’m so glad we got some closure at the end of the season because if we didn’t this cancellation would have been even harder.

2. Nancy Drew: Nancy and Ace

Okay, I’ll try to keep this brief because I know I’ve talked about this couple A LOT on this page in 2020 (but that might be difficult FYI). From an honorable mention thought last year to #2 this year-THAT’S HUGE! But they deserve it, even if they haven’t officially become a couple on the show...well not yet. Early on in the first season I felt a pull between these two characters, which is super ironic seeing as how they had few scenes together and were a part of two different romances. (I mean Nancy had two different love interests.) I thought I was just imagining things (as I do often pair people who barely share plots), but then episode 14 happened and I was sold. Then I came onto Tumblr and discovered the amount of people that felt it too and knew we had something. Shout out to all the other blogs that mention Nace or are made just to honor this amazing duo. I know they will be endgame too and value all your posts that I’m constantly liking and looking for.

Again, there’s so much I could talk about, but I’ll focus on how much they trust and listen to one another. (I mean Ace drank that stuff because he trusted Nancy!!!) I love how they get paired up on cases and go into investigator mode. They speak SO CLOSE to one another and just all the looks! If we don’t get more moments in the second season I don’t know how I’ll survive. They are just so perfect and I could easily see them become number 1 next year. I cannot wait for the start of season 2 on Jan. 20th!! For now I’ll fast forward through old episodes and watch my favorite moments. Like these:

AND NUMBER ONE.... DRUM ROLL PLEASE...

1. Anne with an E: Anne and Gilbert

Now I know what you’re thinking...’Stephanie, didn’t you pick Shirbert last year too?’ Why, yes that is true. But back then I had only watched seasons 1 and 2 with some spoiler videos of season 3. The release hadn’t come to Netflix yet. Since then, I have watched the last season (and the show as a whole multiple times). It’s just so good and watching the growth of the characters (not only Shirbert) means so much more when you can watch the episodes back to back. But we’re here for Shirbert and how we watched them rise. Yes, it departed from the novel, but I love the twists and turns it took getting to endgame. So many looks and unspoken feelings. I thought it was great how Anne discovered her feelings. I hated Winifred, but understood her purpose. Anne and Gilbert will always be one of my top OTPs no matter which adaptation. Of course, the book will always be the tops, but so many great representations of it have been done on screen. Ultimate enemies to friends to lovers. I hope to one day create characters that could be so strong and beloved.

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passionate-hedgehog · 4 years ago

Text

Impasse pt 2

Impasse is a 3-part series revolving around Reader entering society in Regency-Era London. Completely inspired by me binging the entirety of Bridgerton in less than 24 hours, Impasse will end with either Duke Damien Haas x Reader, or Courtney Miller x Reader.

Pt 2.

Pairings: Eventual Damien Haas x Reader, Eventual Courtney Miller x Reader

Warnings: None

Word: 2187

A/N: I know that my masterlist links arent working. If you try to use it, and things dont go where you want them to take you...well...I warned you. I’m turning this into a 4 part fic. There’s no way I can comfortably fit what I want into 3 separate sections. Part 3 will be out when this hits 15 notes! Thank you to everyone that liked and interacted with the first part. And thank you to the fans of my toher works. I love all of you omg. Enjoy ♥

Chapter Summary: The social Season has officially begun. Deals are being made amongst friends and old flames are fanning. Will there be any sparks igniting as well?

“What do you suspect he wants to talk about?” After the morning activities with Lord Haas in the drawing-room, Y/n and her handmaid found themselves busy with average daily activities.

Caroline’s expression was nonplussed as she stared at the back of Y/n’s head. The women were preparing Y/n for bed. The latter was in her chair as the housemaid brushed through her hair.

“Why must you give me that look every time I open my mouth?”

“Why must such ridiculous things come out of your mouth every time you open it?”

They discovered Shayne in his favorite study, books littering the desk he occupied. Y/n would always ask him when he planned on attending university but the young man tended to reply with something akin to “that’s not for me”. The young woman didn’t understand. She knew how smart her twin was, how clever he could be given the situation. Mayhaps one day he’d see the things he could accomplish.

“To what do I owe this visit?” The fair-haired man asked as his sister sat at the opposite side of his desk. A rather thick tome set open before him while his right hand held a fountain pen to sheets of parchment.

Y/n perched her arms along the length of the armrests and sat comfortably. “I thought I might see what you’re up to. But I find that you’re doing nothing different than normal. When are you going to talk to Father about university?”

Shayne restraint from rolling his eyes visible as he went back to his books, and scratching at the parchment. “When are you going to talk to me about Courtney?”

“What? That has nothing to do with...Shayne. My favorite twin, you could be doing so many more things if you were off to study. Collegiately.”

This caused the young man to sigh. “Y/n-,”

“I’m being serious here, Shayne. You’re in here, every day, reading and writing. It’s almost a different book a week. Sometimes, your nose is in a book about far-off adventures in distant lands and sometimes it’s about the history and tragedies of the lands around us. Look that book right there.” She motioned to the collection of parchment before Shayne. “I gather that one is not Shakespeare. What is it? The history of France?”

Shayne lowered his head back to the pages before putting his pen back on the parchment, not meeting his sister’s eyes. “Spain, as a matter of fact.”

Y/n held a blank countenance.

“I’m trying my hand at the Spanish language. Does that quell your curiosity?”

Y/n smirked. “You’re just proving my point.”

“I’ll make you a deal,” The young man laid his fountain pen on the parchment and clasped his hands together before leaning forward. “I’ll talk to Father about university if you read and respond to Courtney’s letter..”

The young woman grumbled and stood up from her chair. “Suddenly, I have a desire for some poetry. Caroline, I’ll be in the library. I’ll call for you if I need you.”

The handmaid nodded from where she stood by the fireplace, her hands clasped in front of her as Y/n walked to the door. “Of course.”

Y/n turned one last glance to her twin before exiting the room and found Caroline in the chair Y/n’s ownself just left. The handmaid was smiling at Shayne as he talked. The rosy tint to Caroline’s cheeks as the man laughed sparked Y/n’s curiosity yet still managed to make her smile. It was cute if she had to be honest. The handmaid had the tendency, lately, to be quieter than usual. While yes, Caroline was well-mannered and modest, it was different when Shayne was around. Had it just been the two women, Caroline could be witty. Y/n enjoyed that in the handmaid. It was refreshing and reminded her of a long-lost friend.

“For Heaven’s sake, Courtney. You’re not even here but you’re still here.” The young woman fiddled with a woven bracelet made from brightly colored twine.

“Y/n?” A voice called from next to her as her hand was on the doorknob to the library.

“Oh, Lord Haas! I did not realize you were here.” Y/n peered behind her companion and to her own left and right, in case she missed any other person.

“It’s just me. And please, call me Damien. We’ve known each other since we were young, back when we had all of our friends amongst us.” The duke gave a gentle pleading look.

“I was a tad cheeky back then. I wasn’t going to call you by any title.”

Damien cocked an eyebrow and smirked. “You’re still a tad cheeky to this day. Am I wrong?”

Y/n’s matched his smirk before opening the door to the library and making her way inside. A witty remark was caught in her throat when her eyes caught someone standing next to the nearest shelving of books.

“Court-Courtney?” Her hand slipped off of the knob of the door. “What are you doing here?”

The light-haired woman bit her lip. “I wanted to visit. You never responded to any of my letters. I thought...I thought maybe something had happened.”

“You...I can’t...Excuse me.” The young woman turned around in haste and scurried away. She found herself in the empty kitchen trying to breathe through what just happened.

Good going. You’re such a coward.

“I’m such a coward.”

“No, you’re not.” Damien had followed her into the cooking area. He led her to a chair and guided her to sit. “Some refreshment might make it better?”

Y/n watched her old friend as he went about collecting items. She noticed how at ease he seemed going through her icebox and cupboards. How expertly he sliced up fruit. She couldn’t help but notice how handsome he looked in his livery, as well, but there was enough going on inside of her head. Damien approached the table with a modest platter and placed it in the center of the table before he sat himself in a chair across from her.

“I figure that some soft cheese might do some good as well as figs and berries. I hope they comfort you the way they do me.” He had gestured towards the food.

Y/n gave a thankful nod before reaching for a bite. “Thank you, Damien. This means very much to me.”

The man grabbed fig and brie, biting into them. “If you need to talk, I’m all ears. You don’t have to if you don’t want to, of course. But I’m here.”

Y/n fidgeted with a slice of fig fruit. She mentally weighed her options before speaking again. “I haven’t seen Courtney in over a year. We got into an argument...about the things she wanted to do and where she wanted to be in life. I regret it. I regret it every day. I let our relationship ...decay...because I didn’t approve of what she wanted to do.”

“She wanted to work with horses, right? And entertain? That’s where she’s been this whole time?” Damien bit into some brie.

“I was treating her like she was someone like me. Someone that already had their life plans laid out for them. She was able to choose what she wanted in life.”

The young man studied Y/n’s face. “Y/n, were you...jealous that she had such an opportunity to live a dream that you tried burning bridges with her? She was your best friend. That had to be a hard decision to make.”

“It’s about more than that. I’m happy she was able to live how she wanted to...thrilled that she got to work with her passions. But..I wasn’t there with her. She wasn’t with me. It didn’t matter what she was doing...I just wanted it to be with..with me.

“I had this asinine vision that society would be in a different place by now. That two close friends could...be closer. And that I wouldn’t have to feel like I was left alone for the rest of my life. I see so many friendships for what they could be. The feelings that I’ve had over someone that will never be attainable I see in others. All of the time. Especially while I promenade! And it makes me sad for those yearning and it reminds me of what I can never have.”

There was a moment of silence before Y/n’s eyes widened in the realization of what she had just let out. “Oh my. I-You didn’t hear any of what I just said. Promise me!”

Damien laid a soft hand on Y/n’s arm. “I promise. I had no idea that you had harbored such...persuasions. Not that it’s anything you need to feel sorry about. You can’t help it. Your reactions, for sure, but...not for what you feel.”

“You, Lord Haas, will make someone a fine husband someday. Maybe even sometime soon? It is our season, finally, after all.” Y/n tried to hide her watery eyes behind a coy smirk. “Someone is bound to catch your eye.”

Damien breathed out before responding. “Someone already has, if I’m being honest. But maybe I’m far-reaching more than I originally thought.”

His words seemed to spark a sense of excitement through Y/n. She sat up straight and gripped the edges of the table.

“Who is she? Will you point her out to me while we promenade? No. I have an even better idea; can you introduce her to me at one of the balls?” Y/n was nearly on the edge of her seat. “Damien! This is exciting!”

“It’s not quite that intriguing, I promise you. Especially since nothing can come of it.” The man picked at the fruit on the platter. “But I digress. It seems that you’ve got your own sorting out to do. What are you going to do about callers if Courtney plans on joining in on the festivities this season? She may not come from one of the families but she has enough friends.”

“Then I hope she enjoys herself. For all I know, everything I felt could have been my very own thoughts and not hers. If she’s here to find a match, then let her. If she’s here to have fun, then by all means...I hope she has it. I just hope I can keep my heart to myself this time. I don’t want to get hurt again.”

“Y/n,” The man licked his lips before continuing. “Might I suggest trying to find out what exactly it is that your heart wants before you do anything else with it?”

The young woman topped her fig slice with some brie. “I’m going to pretend that you did not just offer such advice. Who would even think about courting a woman trying to figure out whether or not she wants her story to end with another woman? You slay me, Lord Haas.”

“I’m being entirely serious. Y/n, you could…” Damien seemed to pause before paying very close attention to fiddling with a berry. “We could stop your callers from coming around and maybe I could use a distraction. We could work together.”

“What? Like...you and I? Together together?”

The german-born duke hesitated before taking one of Y/n’s hands into both of his. “We could go to promenade as a match. And then to the balls, And the parties. No one would be the wiser. You could use this time to figure out what it is you truly want. And then who.”

The young woman looked down at their hands, hers fitting inside his the way she suspects other women her age dream of, yet, she wasn’t sure what it did to her. What he offered could very much help her, but what if Courtney got the wrong idea? What if everyone got the wrong idea?

“But what if it went right?”

“Hmm?” Damien asked in confusion.

“Nevermind.” Y/n shook the thoughts from her head. “Damien, I think...you may be on to something. You’re right. I...I don’t know how to be a...a wife to anyone. Let alone a man. And I won’t know until I figure myself out a little bit more. And then if this girl is running through your mind and you firmly believe that you can never court her…”

“Trust in me with this. I always thought she was someone I could never hope to marry, far too good for me in so many ways. But...maybe this will help me to see who else is out there. Maybe I’ll find my perfect match. And if we come out as a couple, it’ll provide good reason for the other men to leave you alone.”

“Too bad they just don’t leave me alone as is.”

“I believe Olivia said the same thing after she met Sam.”

“Heavens, that was a riot.” Y/n lifted her pinky to solidify the agreement with her friend. “Lord Damien Haas, I believe we might have ourselves a deal.”

#damien haas x reader #courtney miller x reader #shayne topp #ian hecox #olivia sui #noah grossman #keith leak jr #smosh fan fiction #smosh fanfic #smosh #bridgerton x smosh #bridgerton au

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inacrowdofchoices · 3 years ago

Text

the hope of it all {Open Heart}

pairing: Rafael Aveiro/ MC (Grace Sullivan)

word count: 1603

rating: General Audiences

synopsis: Quiet evenings were a rare commodity in Grace Sullivan’s life. So one day, when she found herself being able to enjoy such an evening at home, she was determined to enjoy it. But life had other plans and this perfect moment turned into the moment her heart broke.

{read on ao3}

Notes: in honour of Fanfic Writer Appreciation Day and because the original post i made for this story somehow doesn’t work anymore, i decided to repost my first ever Rafael & Grace story. this is how Grace learned that Rafael & Sora had decided to get back together before Open Heart Second Year, from her point of view.

A quiet evening at home, wrapped up in her favourite blanket and ready to binge watch a show on Netflix, was Grace’s idea of paradise after an overwhelmingly busy couple of weeks. Sienna, Jackie and Bryce had all decided to go to Donahue’s together, leaving Grace and Elijah with their favourite spots on the couch, a tv remote and big mugs of hot chocolate. Grace had been waiting what felt like forever for this moment of peace, and nothing could ruin it for her.

Elijah had introduced Grace to Avatar: The Last Airbender, and they made a point to at least watch a couple episodes a week together. Sometimes, Sienna would join them but it was mostly the two of them, enjoying each other’s company with Elijah explaining every little detail Grace might have otherwise missed. She loved every second of it.

“Okay, where were we?” She asked him.

“We finished season one last week, so we’re starting season two today!”

“I’m ready! Wait … No, I forgot the popcorn!” Grace groaned.

“Oh no, that’s not good.” Elijah grinned at her.

“But I’m so comfortable and warm …” She pouted.

“Grace … What’s TV night without popcorn?”

“Fine, fine I’ll go get it …”

She ran to the kitchen as quickly as their small apartment’s space allowed, grabbed the huge bowl she had left sitting on the stove before she let herself fall back on the couch. Setting the bowl between the two of them, she made herself comfortable again.

“Alright, we’re good to go now.”

Elijah dramatically pointed the remote at the TV, and hit the play button.

In the middle of the second episode, Grace’s phone illuminated with a new message on the coffee table. To her surprise, it was a text from Rafael and her heart skipped a beat. They hadn’t been able to properly catch up in the last two weeks, mostly because Grace’s schedule didn’t allow for much time off, but Rafael hadn’t reached out to her either. She had assumed he was also busy, but when she saw the content of the message, worry settled in her stomach.

“Hey, are you busy? There’s something I need to talk to you about.”

They may not have put a label on their relationship just yet, but there was something between them. Something romantic, which gave Grace butterflies in her stomach; she had not felt like this about anyone in a very long time. Her last long-term relationship had ended a couple of years ago on not so great terms and since then, she had focused on her studies and career. Until she met Rafael. And yet, in her experience, a text saying “I need to talk to you” never meant anything good.

“Is everything okay? I’m home right now, you can drop by if you want.”

“Yeah, it’s okay. I’ll be there in 15?”

“Sounds good.”

She set her phone away on the table again, and tried to focus on the last five minutes of the episode. When the credits rolled on, she realized she hadn’t caught much of it at all, and she turned to Elijah.

“Rafael is dropping by in the few minutes.”

“Oh? Is he okay?” Elijah asked.

“Apparently he has some news to tell me … I don’t know. But it shouldn’t take too long, so I’m up for a third episode if you are?” She tried to sound cheerful.

“Hell yes! I can play a couple games with some friends, and we’ll dive back into the show when you’re ready.”

“Thanks Elijah, I appreciate it.”

The knock on the door came very shortly after and Grace opened it in an instant. The moment she saw the look in Rafael’s eyes, she knew she was right to worry. The fact that his “hello” came with only a little wave and not their usual hug did not help reassure her in the slightest. Rafael looked past her shoulder to see Elijah in the middle of a game, and then he found her gaze.

“Can we talk in private?” He asked her.

“Sure, it’s a beautiful evening, we can sit in the garden.”

Grace slipped on her shoes, and guided them to the small garden of their apartment complex; they sat on the only bench there, and for the first time, an uncomfortable silence settled over them.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” She finally asked.

“Yes, I promise.” He nodded. “I guess I just don’t know how … how to say this.”

“Raf … Be honest with me. That’s all I need.” She said.

It wasn’t a lie either; she knew what he had to say would probably break her heart, but she needed the truth. Grace had been lied to in her previous relationship, and she didn’t want to be put in that position ever again.

“Of course, I could never be anything other than honest with you.”

“So …” She prompted.

“My high school ex-girlfriend, Sora, moved back to Boston a few weeks ago. I’ve been showing her all the new places, taking a trip down memory lane …”

Grace’s heart dropped.

“And … We decided to give us another try.” He finished.

“When?” That was the first question that came to her mind.

“Today. I came to tell you right away, I swear.”

“I believe you.” Her voice was shaking, but she meant it. “It’s just … Why? I thought we had something.”

“We do. We did.” He corrected himself. “Sora and I have a long history. We were teens when we broke up, and when we reconnected, it felt like we hadn’t given our relationship a fair chance.” Rafael explained.

They’ve known each other forever. Long history, as he said. How could she imagine competing with this kind of bond? In most situations, Grace would be the first person to tell someone to follow their heart. And if that was what Rafael’s heart wanted … She didn’t want to be a hypocrite, no matter how much it broke her heart.

“And what about us?” She finally asked.

“I care about you Grace. That won’t change. And I’m hoping we can be friends … But I would also understand if you decided you didn’t want that.”

“No.”

Grace couldn’t imagine a life without Rafael anymore, not after everything that happened in her first year at Edenbrook. He had always been there for her. They had started as friends, and she had slowly started to fall for him. Even then, regardless of her feelings, she would handle being just friends. Everything was better than the alternative of not talking to him again.

“Of course I want to stay friends. You’re important to me Raf. I’m not going to lie to you, and tell you I don’t feel sad, because I do. But all I want is for you to be happy.” She said, looking at him with a small smile.

“I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”

“Just being yourself is enough. And thank you for telling me, and not simply …” Betraying me.

“I wouldn’t have hidden this from you.”

Grace nodded, but she was trying to hold the tears in. A new silence settled over them. She didn’t want him to leave, but she knew she had to let him go.

“Alright … I should get back to Elijah. We still have popcorn to finish.” She said, trying to sound joyful.

“If popcorn is involved, I best not keep you from it.”

“You know it!”

She walked him back to the entrance of the building and they parted ways with a wave. When she reached the front door of the apartment, tears were running down her face without restraint. Grace stepped inside, and all of her roommates were in the living room. They had come back while she was gone. Grace tried to hide her face behind her hands, but she knew it had failed when she felt Sienna’s arms hugging her.

“You’re gonna be okay, it’s okay to cry it out.” Sienna whispered in her ear.

Grace returned the hug almost instantly, and she let herself cry freely.

“How do you know?” She managed to ask in between sobs.

“An EMT told a nurse back at Edenbrook when she asked about how Rafael was doing, then Danny heard and told me … When Elijah told us Rafael had stopped by, we came back right away.” Sienna explained.

“You didn’t have to …”

“Okay no.” Sienna said firmly. “We’re your friends, and we want to be there for you, and you can’t stop us.”

Grace raised her head from Sienna’s shoulder and saw Jackie, Elijah and Bryce sitting on the couch. At that moment, she felt so lucky to have such incredible friends. It did not soothe the hurt in her heart, but it still meant so much to her. Sienna walked her to the couch without a word and sat her down, a new mug of hot chocolate already ready in front of her. Bryce wrapped his arm around her shoulders as Sienna placed the mug in her hands. Elijah was rubbing soothing circles on her back and Jackie’s presence alone was comforting. Grace looked at each and everyone of them in turn.

“Thank you so much guys.”

“Of course.” Bryce simply said.

And then she told them everything. She cried more, but she felt safe and supported. Her friends were there for her, just as she was there for them when they needed her. They were her found family and Grace was grateful for them.

When the sun rose again for a new day, the hurt in Grace’s heart was not healed. But she had hope that, with time, she would learn how to move on.

#spoiler alert: she did not learn how to move on #open heart #playchoices #rafael aveiro #rafael x mc #mc: grace sullivan #play choices #pixelberry

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