#but our perspectives as lesbians are absolutely part of our take on this relationship

[wtslpod]

some lesbian thoughts on elrond & galadriel

The dynamic between Elrond and Galadriel, despite being central to the show, sometimes feels under-appreciated in the fandom. Like many relationships in TROP, it doesn’t easily slot into a single category. It’s not merely one of friendship or kinship or mentorship

It’s not romantic, but it is emotionally intimate—and that seems to trip a lot of people up, even before 2x07. We’ve always appreciated how emotionally open Galadriel and Elrond are with each other, particularly given how guarded Galadriel is with most other characters.

She and Elrond have a long history prior to their reunion in the first episode, and during the course of the show they rely on each other as they navigate disappointment and loss, both personal and as relates to elven-kind.

They don’t always see eye to eye, but even when Elrond feels hugely betrayed by Galadriel’s choices, it doesn’t erode the love between them.

They’ve been separated during their respective darkest moments, but find solace and healing in each other’s presence. They bring light into each other’s lives, and together will be instrumental in banishing the rising darkness.

One of the strengths of Tolkien's work, and one of the reasons fans (including queer fans like us) return to these stories time and again, is the focus on platonic bonds that defy societal norms through the strength of their intimacy and commitment.

Of all the relationships we've seen on the show so far, Galadriel and Elrond embody this wonderful category-defying emotional intimacy most of all.

[stillgeekingout]

#it's very strange #because i often feel like the culmination of those characters arcs #like if the point is they're ace great but like... #the option of lesbianism just *never* occurs #which--and again not to discredit any ace people or ace readings of her work--is such a common lesbian experience! #like myself and a bunch of other lesbians i know had that journey #of going 'hmm i don't like men... guess I'm asexual! (do not ask me about women i will combust)' #like lady bird... whatever #little women... alright i suppose if you wanted to make a comentary on how lma was forced to add the heterosexual romance at the end #and not suggest anything about a real person and also not deviate from the source material #but barbie was insane #the coding was next level #like c'mon birkenstocks??? #and i argue that barbies acceptance of genitalia could be read as an acceptance of sexuality or the very least exploring it #so why isn't she a dyke??? (other than mattel probably giving a hard no on that)

I don’t know, the thing that really bothers me about Greta Gerwig’s films is that there is just this gaping hole where gay women should be. Like, when you’re making these movies about the trap of heterosexual marriage, breaking free of that, and the only concrete answer is to be a single woman over and over and over again, it feels like an intentional absence. You can watch the movie with a queer lens, but it is egregious that you may only consider homosexuality in her movies in this way. It ought to be in them. There is no reason for it not to be there. Women don’t fuck women in Greta Gerwig’s feminist liberations. Often, they don’t have sex at all.

[milliebobbyflay]

paired with their often intimate and violent subject matter, i find the incidental way tamsyn muir frames women and their bodies throughout the locked tomb series to be refreshing bordering on radical

consider harrowhark; in the first book we see her as gideon sees her. she's a hideous ghoul with a flat ass and no tits, she's a delicate sopping wet beauty with a sharp face and angel bow lips, she's a triumphant and awe inspiring master necromancer screaming and fighting drenched in her own blood. the shape and condition of her body is allowed to take on meaning contextually based entirely on the situation and how gideon feels about their relationship in any given moment

she then spends the second book hobbling around with a sword twice her size, ripping apart her body to use as a weapon and passing out in her own vomit, struggling to eat and sleep – she and puts herself through absolute hell and never once thinks anything of it, and we're made to mourn this not as the desecration of a beautiful woman but as a manifestation of a human being's despair and self loathing, and we see this specifically contrasted against the care gideon tries to take when inhabiting her body during the last act

it's jarring, in nona, when we're suddenly made aware that her body could be perceived or valued as a commodity, when pyrrha is assumed to be nona's pimp. it feels strange and horrifying when we learn alecto's form was modeled for a doll, learn that she was given a woman's body as a display of ownership, an alternative to being consumed, and as we're processing this we watch gideon, paul, and ianthe, immediately setting aside their conflict in a desperate scramble to preserve harrow's body for no reason other than because it is harrow's and they love her

feminist fiction often focuses on women's relationship to a body which is valued more than the person within it – and that is a worthy experience to explore – but as a transsexual butch(ish) dyke, i have never really had the privilege of seeing my body as a precious commodity, never felt like it couldn't or shouldn't be a sight of violence and disgust, and as a result the locked tomb books have made me feel seen in a way that few other works of fiction have?

we as an audience are not made aware of how attractive any character would be outside of the context of our lesbian POV characters' perspectives, their relationship to patriarchal beauty standards is an utterly irrelevant detail we're never told and only occasionally glimpse through implication. the women in the locked tomb books are simply free to exist, to have experiences and feelings, to love and hate and grieve and suffer and die like anybody else, and to have those experiences reflected in their physical vessels

it's a perspective that's so fundamental and obvious that to praise muir for it for it feels almost patronizing, but i also think it's a huge part of what's made the series so resonant for so many queer women and i feel that that's worthy of highlighting and celebrating

[ahappydnp]

Oh!! What are your thoughts on dinok? I missed that and I never wanted to know something so badly your takes are the best

personal opinions/rambling under the cut/ reblogs turned off for fear of bringing back the discourse

my thoughts are i love daniel very dearly and think he is an incredibly talented writer and storyteller but that this particular story didn't/doesn't need to be told by him

from my personal perspective- i do want to preface this by saying dan revealed the plot of dinok shortly after i personally came out as a lesbian to my long term male partner which resulted in me losing quite literally everything (my job, our shared home, our pets, some friends) smack dab in the middle of lockdown

so for me, i was a bit upset and apprehensive of dan's interpretation of what having a breakdown and coming out as an established (and regular) adult in a het relationship would be like? because the plot was specifically "what if dan howell was never famous and finished his degree and stayed with his high school partner but then had a complete breakdown because he hated his life" (which was LITERALLY exactly my life)

and it's not that i don't trust him with a narrative, it's that i was confused as to why it had to be about him and not an original character. but also let's be honest, dan doesn't know what it feels like to not be financially secure and weighing the options between living your truth or having a roof over your head. he doesn't know what it's like to try and process something so life changing completely alone and the absolute crushing devastation of hurting someone you love in the process

like the concept of dinok would be incredible for late in life queers, but i would absolutely want it to be told by someone who's keenly aware of the emotions and trials that come with it. dan has OBVIOUSLY been through hell, but not this specific kind of hell.

i guess it's just like...if he wanted to make something naval gazey about himself that he was also going to be the star of, why not do something you know? it was just an interesting choice i guess and i would like to know why he chose it. i kind of assumed he'd want to go fully fictional for his traditional media debut?

anyway like i said it's not because i don't trust him with that kind of story or that he'd be malicious or purposefully ignorant, it just would have been a really hard watch for me personally. dan doesn't know what it feels like to come out when there's no celebration or support, he's never sobbed alone in the guest room of his own house because his now ex can't even look at him feeling like the world just ended (for which i am so so grateful, because it should be a celebration and he deserved every single ounce of love he got!!!) ((also i do want to say it is totally worth it and i am so much happier now and genuinely do not regret it, but sometimes it IS the hard part))

ANYWAY dan switch gears and maybe write about anything else that's not "what if my situation was bad lol that'd suck"

[writer-freak]

The way we are - Robin Buckley x gn reader (fluff)

Summary: You and Robin haven't been dating for a long time, but Robin knows that you are the more experienced one. Doubts are starting to form in her head and you are there to reassure her. Warnings: gender neutral reader, Robin being a bit insecure, lots of reassurance from reader, reader talking about a past dating mishap, just some cute fluff for our favorite lesbian, english is not my first language Wordcount: 1.1k A/n: Thank you for my bestie with coming up with the title. I really just wanted to write something for Robin after the Eddie fanfic and I hope I did her justice.

Comments, likes and reblogs are always appreciated and really motivate me to write more <3

The soft glow of warm, ambient lighting filled the room, casting a cozy atmosphere that enveloped you and Robin in the comfort of each other's presence. The two of you sat on the couch in Robin's living room, a comforting silence hanging in the air as you sipped on mugs of hot cocoa. But before the tranquility settled in, there was a moment of vulnerability that had ignited Robin's nerves. It was a few days ago when she had overheard a conversation at the local cafe, a conversation that had left her feeling uncertain and anxious. It wasn't even about her, but still, it hit too close to home for her to shake off her doubts. Her inexperience in relationships paired with her general anxiety is something that she knows makes her harder to deal with, but hearing someone talk about how inexperienced people in a relationship are hard to deal with, she questioned if you thought the same way. That is how we ended here, Robin fidgeting with the mug in her hand, her gaze momentarily fixed on the swirling steam rising from the drink. She took a deep breath and finally looked up at you, her eyes filled with a mixture of nervousness and fondness.

"So, um, about us" Robin began, her voice soft yet uncertain. She took a moment to gather her thoughts, her gaze shifting between her mug and your eyes. "I've never really been good at this relationship stuff. It's all so new to me." You offered her a reassuring smile, reaching out to take her free hand in yours before gently interlocking your fingers with hers. It wasn't uncommon for her to get nervous, it often happened when she started rambling about something, but you are always there to reassure her. "Hey, remember we're both in this together."

A small chuckle escaped Robin as she shook her head, a mixture of nervousness and amusement playing on her lips. "Yeah, I guess. But, like, what if I mess things up? What if I say something wrong or do something dumb?"

Your thumb gently stroked her knuckles, a soothing gesture meant to ease her anxiety. Leaning a bit closer, you tilted your head, meeting her eyes with sincerity. "Robin, look, no one's perfect. Relationships are a mix of awkward moments and amazing ones. And honestly, I think those awkward bits are something that makes a relationship even more fun."

Robin's gaze softened as she looked at your intertwined fingers, her lips curled into a half-smile. "You mean, it's okay to be a bit of a mess sometimes?"

"Absolutely" you replied with a nod. "In fact, I think those messy moments can help us learn more about each other. And the fact that we can share those moments together is what makes us grow even closer."

She nodded, her eyes meeting yours with a newfound sense of ease. She let out a small sigh, her shoulders relaxing as the weight of her doubts seemed to lighten. "You always know how to put things into perspective" She gave another slow exhale. "You've always been good at this. Opening up, being real…"

You grinned playfully. "Well, one of us has to, right? Besides, I've had my fair share of relationship missteps too, it's all part of the journey." Robin's eyes twinkled with a mix of curiosity and amusement. "Oh, really? Do tell."

You chuckled, recalling some of your own awkward moments from the past. "Maybe we should keep my relationship mishaps for another time."

A grin spread across Robin's face as she leaned in closer "Come on you can't reassure me with this and not tell me something." You looked at her and a smile spread across your face before you gave in. "Okay, okay, one time while on a date, I was squeezing some lemon into my glass, and some of it got into the eye of my date. Let me tell you, that wasn't a fun situation, they were practically screaming and everything."

She burst into laughter, the sound filling the room with warmth. "No way! Seriously?"

"Dead serious" you confirmed with a laugh of your own. "See? We all have our moments. And trust me, I think you're doing just fine." Her gaze softened, and she took a sip of her cocoa, her expression thoughtful. "You make it sound so simple."

"It's not always simple, but it doesn't have to be complicated either" you reassured her. "We're in this together, navigating the ups and downs, learning from our slip-ups, and cherishing the moments that make us smile."

Robin's gaze met yours, a hint of gratitude shining in her eyes. "You know, you're pretty amazing at this whole reassurance thing." You winked at her playfully. "Well, I've had some practice. And you, my dear Robin, are worth every bit of it."

Her cheeks turned a light shade of pink, a shy smile tugging at her lips. "I'm lucky to have you."

"The feeling's mutual" you admitted with a sincere nod. "And remember, you're not alone in this. We're a team, facing whatever comes our way together. Like we always have."

With a renewed sense of comfort, Robin leaned a bit closer, her head gently resting against your shoulder. "I'm glad you're on my team." You wrapped your arm around her, a contented smile forming on your lips.

Robin's cheeks flushed with a mixture of emotions, her gaze now more intent on yours. "I wouldn't want to be on anyone else's team." Your words were barely above a whisper, trying to eradicate all her doubts.

As your words hung in the air, a spark of courage ignited in both of you. The weight of your feelings seemed to fill the room, and then, with a shared glance, you leaned forward touching your forehead with hers.

"I love you, Robin." you whispered, the words carrying the weight of your emotions.

Tears shimmered in Robin's eyes, a mixture of surprise and overwhelming joy. She took a deep breath, her voice shaky but sincere. "I love you too, more than you can imagine."

There was some hesitancy, but you both slowly closed the short distance between you, your hand finding a place on her thigh, and then your lips finally touched. The kiss was soft, your lips moving against each other, inexperienced but so eager for each other. When you finally parted a big smile was on both of your faces your hands holding onto each other.

Thank you for reading this and I hope you enjoyed

[dykelawlight]

hello!! could i ask your top 5 books and/or movies?

ABSOLUTELY and I'm happy to do both of these tbqh. EDIT: SHOULD NOT HAVE SAID THAT BC THIS GOT VERY LONG SORRY. I'm literally putting it under a cut

BOOKS

This one takes its ceremonial place at the top because of how completely batshit it made me for years: Les liaisons dangereuses by Pierre Choderlos de Laclos (and its 1988 film adaptation starring Glenn Close and John Malkovich). Like nothing compares 2 U babe. Eighteenth-century French aristocrats play sexual games with the lives of the people around them. They are so evil and so fucked and so completely incapable of ever achieving happiness because of how tied what they think happiness is is to the misery of others.

[[[VERY VERY LOUDLY]]] Our Wives Under the Sea by Julia Armfield!!!!!!!!!! Oooohhhh it haunts me so bad. Fucked-up came-back-wrong lesbian romance about two wives, told through alternating-perspective chapters, one of whom returns from an accidentally long-extended submarine mission at her job doing marine biology for a mysterious bureaucracy. Most importantly this is a tragic portrait of a marriage and its dissolution. First book to make me put my hand over my mouth irl in easily 10 years.

The Only Good Indians by Stephen Graham Jones, an Indigenous horror that ends up being about Indigenous womanhood, even though its initial principal characters are men. Four Blackfoot friends go on an illegal hunt in territory reserved for elders and kill a pregnant deer, promising to atone for the killing by using every part of her body. Meat rots in a freezer somewhere. The Elk-Head Woman shows up. Features the most thrilling game of life-or-death basketball ever played.

In the Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado. Makes me literally go crazy. Everyone's heard of this one by now but it's a prismatic prose-poetic series of pictures turned over and over and over through different forms of criticism and media tropes of the author's abusive relationship with another woman. Everyone liked Her Body and Other Parties and that was great but this is somehow better.

Chouette by Claire Oshetsky, in which a woman called Tiny by her husband's family has an affair with an owl-woman under cover of dusk and gives birth to an owl-baby who will never be quite "right." Husband becomes hooked on chasing dangerous, abusive forms of "therapy" to make the child "normal." Very straight-up allegory for raising an autistic child as a parent who refuses to subject them to medical abuse in the pursuit of neurotypicality. Cheered and stomped my feet at the end.

(Honorable mentions here: The Immortal King Rao by Vauhini Vara [very scary and timely], The School for Good Mothers by Jessamine Chan [extremely relevant to my line of work], Deathless by Catherynne M. Valente [thought this was the most erotic book ever written in human history when I was 17]).

MOVIES (in no particular order)

House (1977): the jangled, nightmarish logic of this movie is so perfect, the visuals are perfect, it's just the right cocktail of zany and actually frightening. It also has so much to say about like, so much shit, and I refuse to be the guy who's like "following my post of yesterday about how this work of Japanese horror is about nuclear warfare, please see my new post about how THIS work of Japanese horror is about nuclear warfare" but like. It is. As dreamed up through the mind of the director's preteen daughter.

The Watermelon Woman (1996): incredibly richly layered work about a Black lesbian living in 90s Philadelphia (a fictionalized version of the director) who becomes obsessed with seeking out and making a movie about the history of a 1930s "mammy" actress she believes may have been a lesbian. It is 100% fictional but is so extraordinarily detailed and convincing and weaves such a believable life for the figure the protagonist is chasing. DOES contain a Camille Paglia jumpscare. (See also Cheryl Dunyé's earlier film Go Fish (1994), a lighthearted lesbian romance featuring an extremely sexy nailcutting-as-foreplay scene.)

Portrait of a Lady on Fire (2019): so, so beautiful and pierced me straight through. I like old French shit and lesbians and I loved the images of the movie and the world it put me in. SUE MEEEEE

Velvet Goldmine (1998): I have done some downright unseemly shit immediately after watching this movie is what I'll say about it. Horny supernatural glam-rock romance "loosely" based on David Bowie & Iggy Pop as cultural figures featuring gay people as the bearers of a magical spirit of art passed down through generations. Again. UNSEEMLY. SHIT.

Heavenly Creatures (1994): [chanting] LESBIAN MATRICIDE MOVIE LESBIAN MATRICIDE MOVIE LESBIAN MATRICIDE MOVIE. Dreamy, hallucinogenic take on a true-crime flick about that fucked-up homoerotic folie à deux friendship you had when you were 15.

(MORE honorable mentions bc this was so hard: Persona (1966), Gone Girl (2014), Only Lovers Left Alive (2013), Bound (1996)).

[mercuryonparklane]

Do you still use this account? If you’re still here, as an OG gaylor, how do you feel about so many gaylors taking “Tayvis” seriously? Never surprised the general public thinks PRomance isn’t a thing celebrities do, let alone something Taylor would partake in, but gaylors? I find it so fascinating how many are not only buying it, but getting defensive over it. A lot believed in Toe, and while I personally have my doubts about that, it was more “plausible” than this. Is it just because there are so many that are either newer, younger, or both in the gaylor community now? Or have we completely lost the plot here?

Hello, Anon, if you’re still around to see this. Sorry it’s taken so long to reply. I do check this account every once in a while. Things have been kind of crazy the past couple months with work, the holidays, and some health stuff I’ve been dealing with. So, I haven’t been on here as much…

and, tbh, I’ve lost a little interest lately (not that I don’t believe in gaylor… I’m just at one of my points, as has happened a few times over the years, where I’m finding the PR narrative a little overdone).

Obviously, we all have different personal experiences that shape our perspectives and interpretations/opinions of Taylor’s music and public image (or just Hollywood/celebrity PR, in general), so there will likely never be a consensus about Gaylor and her alleged boyfriends (or even her rumored girlfriends/flings).

Tayvis feels very Tayvin to me. The complete opposite of the narrative with Joe. I think she needed a more public relationship at this point because, whether they want to admit it or not, a lot of her fans that believe the public narrative want her to have a husband and kids. For them, that is the happy ending.

Idc, if she wants to be a single, lesbian spinster, with 20 cats, or if she wants to marry a woman. I just don’t personally don’t buy the alleged boyfriends. They don’t seem genuine to me. They almost always coincide with promotion for an album, or some other project, (aka product) - and are almost always mutually beneficial. Tayvis is the epitome of mutually beneficial PR.

I absolutely do think the beliefs people held prior to entertaining gaylor will shape the opinions they have about the public narrative and what is real vs what is PR. And maybe that’s why I just can’t see what people are saying when they say that any of the boyfriends have seemed genuine. The staged kisses look awkward to me every time.

Idk, there is always the chance that I am the one who is entirely off base with my opinion. I’ve learned to block out the people who get defensive or are overly aggressive about the theory that some of the boyfriends were real, the same way I have always ignored the hetlors.

I personally believe it’s possible for someone like Taylor to be a closeted lesbian, even in the current political/social climate (which, tbh, while a lot better than it was during the early years of Taylor’s career, still isn’t great). I think PR relationships and lavender marriages still exist, even for those in Taylor’s position. I think there are a lot of younger people who didn’t grow up in the world Taylor did, and even some people around our age who may have forgotten what it was like, and can’t understand why someone would still being doing those things today.

A big part of her whole career and public persona (although, she won’t admit it) is dating the heartthrob of the month and getting her heart broken and writing hit songs about it, leaving very obvious “clues” in her lyrics that point to that man and their (typically quite short) time together. It’s something her fans and the public/media eat right up. They love it and it sells… it sells really well.

[aubigney]

Our Wives Under The Sea lacks the depth to be a truly great novel (a review)

i have to admit that i’m one of those people who will read a book or watch a film or series because “it’s got lesbians in it”. i’m in lesbians with lesbians. my friend doe told me about this book and since i’m trying really hard to get back into reading (and listening to audiobooks. download libby! it’s free!) i decided to give this one a go. while listening to it i had the brilliant idea to start a series where i critique the story writing in books i come across — ones that need it, because obviously there are plenty i don’t have the skills or expertise to critique. this seemed like the perfect first book for this series. it’s interesting, well-written, and about lesbians, but as you’ll find reading this review, it has its problems.

there will be spoilers in this review! sorry to make this a comprehensive review but i figured i might as well because it’s my blog and i have a lot of thoughts. and i’m sorry that the tense is all over the place, i don’t have the spoons to correct it. just pretend it’s all in present tense, thank u love u mwah

let’s start with a short synopsis. the book is told through dual perspectives/POVs of both halves of a relationship. miri is the first character we’re introduced to: an anxious wreck who cares for her wife, leah, and doesn’t have much going on outside of her. leah is the second POV character, and she has just come back from being trapped in a submarine for four months. the book details their relationship during the period where leah has come back—she’s distant, cold, and dissociates frequently, leaving miri to anxiously fret over the state of their love for each other. not a lot happens in the book. the pages are filled with snapshots of leah’s time in the submarine, miri and leah’s brief interactions when she gets back, trips to a counsellor, and flashbacks to better days. the later chapters in the novel are where it first starts to pick up, an interesting choice which packs in conspiracy theories and tales of monsters deep under the ocean, but because these are introduced so late, they leave the book feeling unfinished and rushed.

if i could sum up my thoughts on this book in one sentence, i would say it spends too much time on miri’s anxious mess of an inner world and not enough time on leah’s fascinating time at the bottom of the ocean.

let’s start with the things i liked about the book. there were parts that absolutely took my breath away and some that made me sob so hard i wanted to curl into a ball and hide under the earth forever. miri details an anecdote leah told her about taking her first girlfriend to the aquarium where leah worked after hours and finding that the octopus had died. in this part, miri details how things would have gone differently if she had been the one leah took to the aquarium, how the octopus mary would still be alive. even writing this post makes me tear up because death just gets me and it was written so matter of factly that the desperation was very evident: miri wants to turn back time and rewrite a history where everything is good, great even, instead of what she has now.

i also liked leah’s recollections of her time in the ocean. i actually loved leah’s POV because she has so much to say about life, death, relationships and marine biology. i was so rapt by her sections that they made miri’s sections listless by comparison. i honestly wish the entire novel had been through leah’s perspective. i would have much preferred a whole novel or novella about being trapped under the ocean with a massive sea monster. leah describing the ocean and her fear of drowning coinciding with things like disappointing her father and sea monsters is amazing. these parts are done so incredibly well, especially considering the miri parts are so poorly written.

this book is half relationship breaking down and half horror story, but never meshes those two well. the body horror elements are interesting, but my main problem is that miri’s parts aren’t written well enough to make me like the book as a whole. there are many instances of “filter words” or what i call “sensing words” — words like thought, felt, imagined, heard, etc. words that tell us what the character’s experience is instead of describing it. miri’s parts are full of these. some egregious examples include:

“i felt good to have scrapped and apologised. moving around the party, i registered the ache between us, and felt grateful, irritable, loved her easily.”

in this passage we have: “felt,” “registered,” and then “felt” again. this is a prime example of the poor writing and something that both many authors do and many critics say not to do. clearly i’m on the side of the critics. the reason that filter / sensing words are bad is because they filter the experience that the reader has of being fully immersed in the novel. in a first person perspective (meaning “i”, and “me” perspective) if a character sees something, we know that they see something because the narrator describes it on the page. there’s no need for the character to say, “I saw this go down,” because by virtue of it being included we know the character saw it.

this can be played with more in and second person perspective, but it’s still more common in contemporary literature and genre fiction to filter the action through one character’s perspective, at least for that chapter if not the whole book. i would love to write a whole post about this or maybe do a video about it. it’s a very complex topic and leaves a lot of room for debate.

sensing words remove the reader from the action. they encourage laziness in the writer, because the writer can’t take out the filter sections and leave it like that. saying “it went down” is scarier than writing “i saw it go down” because the first one requires you to write more, whereas the second one allows you, even forces you, to rest easy. but i don’t want this whole review to be about sensing words. at least towards the end miri details the things she remembers without putting “i remember” in front of every item in that list, so i can’t say the writing didn’t improve right before the clock strikes 12. it’s incredibly important in horror to keep the pace and immediacy of the action. filtering the reader from the action in a horror story removes the impact the horror has on the reader. the section where leah’s eye explodes should have been written a lot better to make more of an impact. in miri’s sections, everything was made into an action with very little description, imagery, or literary techniques. miri does this, and then she does that, and then she feels sad about this. there is introspection in her sections, but it’s hollow and uninspiring, especially compared to leah’s. this is usually, but not always, due to the sensing words.

the most frustrating thing about this book for me is that miri is complicit in the breakdown of a relationship she claims she’s sad about breaking down. this book is half about mourning the loss of someone who both is and isn’t really gone, someone who metaphorically died and came back wrong. the sadness of the book rests on how miri mourns their relationship — but this is not believable nor sad.

throughout most of her sections, miri complains that leah isn’t the same person she was before the trip and that they can’t connect because leah spends all her time in the bath. but one of the few instances in the beginning of the novel when leah and miri are on the couch watching tv, leah tells miri a story, and miri ignores her and turns back the tv. she says something like “i pretend to watch the television and miss my wife.” girl she is TALKING TO YOU. she’s RIGHT THERE. it’s baffling. she mourns a relationship that isn’t over and we’re supposed to be sad about that.

another thing that ticked me off was how miri’s sections don’t have a structure. there were a lot of flashbacks that were seemingly thrown in randomly with little to no connection to the romance. there was a flashback about how she lied about having to feed cats, and for the life of me i can’t figure out why it was in there. i think it was to show that miri was having a hard time while missing leah, but all she did was… lie about having to feed some cats. there’s no shame in having a subdued novel, but it comes back to my number one pain point: miri’s sections are not well written enough to make them worth reading.

but leah’s sections are so good! she has a job, friends, a sea monster to befriend, the looming and ever-present threat of death by submarine, as well as all these flashbacks to her childhood with her parents. miri, by comparison, has leah and some friends. at the end she also has juna, which leads me to my next point.

the most exciting miri things happen way too far into the novel. the book is around 35 chapters, and chapter 29 starts with juna, the sister of one of the people on the submarine, talking to miri about what went down as the submarine literally went down. and then right as juna tells miri about what REALLY went down, the novel cuts to the next section.

like, seriously? that was the most interesting part of miri’s sections and the author just cut away! over the last few chapters it mentions a conspiracy theory that everyone involved with the submarine had about the company possibly stranding them down there on purpose, but it’s never explored — and i have no idea why. that could have been soooo interesting! that could have fuelled miri’s sections! in between caring for leah and mourning their relationship, she could have worked to uncover the truth about the conspiracy, and then not noticed how complicit she was in the relationship breaking down. that would have been so much better! she even says something like “the conspiracy should be a lot more interesting to me than it is” which is how i feel about this book.

there were some interesting phrases but they were few and far between. when the author tried to create imagery, it failed, particularly in this section: “coffee stained and sticky to the touch, long chunks of text irregularly underline… as though the previous owner had been using it to build a monster in a shed.” How can an underlined book be a monster in a shed? imagery has to make sense for it to be effective. something she could have done is connect this imagery to what leah was going through, maybe even “build a monster under the sea.” and then go on to write more using this imagery with better metaphors and similes. you can really judge how good a writer is by how the only literary technique they use is simile (like, as) and refuse to elaborate for more than one phrase. except that julia armstrong IS a good writer because leah’s sections were amazing! grrrrrr.

honestly, miri’s sections felt rushed and uncared for. if i was to guess, i would say that julia armfield wrote miri’s sections last because either she liked leah’s sections more or because she realised she needed to / her editor told her to write more, and then she ran out of time before the deadline to write it well. there is a tendency among writers to write the most exciting and interesting parts first, but that means you’re going to have to write all the worst parts of the book last. when you don’t enjoy what you write, it shows. you need to take the time to make sure this is what you want to write and this is how you want to write it. this book could have easily just been leah in the submarine and i would have loved that, but instead the author chose to write half the book in a way that was extremely disappointing and a lot worse than the sections she actually enjoyed writing. julia armfield writes a lot about the ocean (link at the end) and it really shows that she has a deep love for it, so it’s baffling that she wrote half the book through the eyes of a character who hates and blames the ocean for taking her wife away.

the most interesting thing to me personally about this book was the monster. my god, but i am a sucker for a good monster. it didn’t scare me like some book monsters do, but that could have been because i was listening to the audiobook and i find myself more immersed in the written form or the visual form, and less so in audio form. still, it was cool as fuck and leah writing her name in the logbook to show to the creature was intense — i fucking love it.

the last thing i’ll say about this is that the ending feels justified. sometimes we really do have to let go of the ones we loved. leah is no longer fit to live on this earth, and while the ending made me sob in my bed for like 20 minutes, it’s cathartic and well-earned.

that’s where i’ll leave this review. feel free to reply with any of your thoughts or link me to your own review! let me know if you enjoyed this book, or what you enjoyed about it! i also use storygraph but i’m going to write some reviews on tumblr because they are so. so. so long and i don’t know how interested people would be of my review on other platforms. cheers, big ears.

links:

[chokecherrylore]

It doesn't really add anything to the discourse, and honestly, my opinion is just one of many, there will also be those out there that are far more articulate with their thoughts and opinions than I am.

Bi/pan/mspec lesbian discourse, my low grade take.

I don't enjoy the label, I think sapphic as a descriptive label for those who find attraction to multiple genders but prioritize their "non men" relationships was perfectly acceptable.

I also don't love people just going around saying things like "absolutely lesbians can be attracted to men sexually." For a number of reasons this statement makes me, a lesbian, uncomfortable, and I say this as a lesbian who has a transmasculine partner who uses he/him pronouns, who's partner is trans and defines their gender with the word butch. That still doesn't make my partner a man. Ya know?

I also think it's quite frankly, a wee bit misogynistic, that from all the research I've done and the discussions I've witnessed as part of the larger "queer" community, that lesbian is often the MOST debated and divided identity. Apart from bisexuality and pansexuality I suppose, but even then, why is lesbianism often targeted with this line of thinking. Why is lesbianism so often hit with, "yes well just remember sexuality is fluid, and you could find a man attractive"? Genuinely, I swear I don't see this hot of a debate surrounding gay men and their "ability to be attracted to women."

BUT

Here's the caveat to everything I've said above, I don't think people who use the label bi/pan/mspec lesbian should be treated as automatically transphobic/lesbophobic/biphobic ect. Do I personally feel like a label that as far as I'm aware, surfaced because of transphobic people calling lesbians in trans relationships bi, can be "reclaimed"? No. But it's also not my life.

I used the label bisexual for a really long time because of comphet. Technically, from my own gender perspective, I'm not a "woman," so according to lots of people, I can't even use the label of lesbian. Gender and sexuality are incredibly complex, and there are a lot of reasons why someone might prefer one label to another. I just don't think it's my place to tell how people how to identify, even if I don't love the implications it might have on my personal identity.

Locking yourself into a complete echo chamber and deciding that every single person who even hints at being okay with bi/pan/mspec lesbiansim makes people act like goddamn Puritan witch hunters.

This was long and rambling, and it's full of contradictory feelings because those are my honest feelings. Sometimes our feelings aren't black and white, sometimes they're messy. Sometimes they're wrong, sometimes they're not an indication of our morals. Sometimes they just are feelings.

[moonflowermonsterstuff]

Thoughts on Vol. 2 (spoilers):

Things I loved:

-I love the story and most of what happened

-Very happy it ended on a cliffhanger

-Shoutout to El for not giving Brenner closure

-The sound design (soundtrack, ost, sound effects) *chefs kiss*

-Every Argyle moment

-Screaming at how well the set up for Vecna’s origin is

-Jopper kiss jopper kiss

-Master of Puppets. Wow.

-You know it’s great when even the things I wish were done differently I can still really appreciate

-Will Byler’s speech. That’s all.

Things I didn’t love as much:

-My biggest gripes are all the loose ends (what happened to Owens/the military, why’s the upside down stuck in 1983, where are the possessed Russians, etc.)

-Things that didn’t make sense (why didn’t Nancy or anyone else have a sense of urgency when there’s a massive fucking rapture in Hawkins when that was literally in her vision, why did it take 2 days for the upside down to bleed into our world, etc.)

-The entire 2 day timeskip felt like a rushed ending to give vague closure but threw everything off for me personally, don’t get me wrong Robin and Vickie are cute but that was not the time to set them up, it was nice to see the reunion but everyone’s acting way too calm, etc.

-Mike Wheeler continues to be an utterly unbearable character, I was hoping he’d get Vecna’d and some sort of arc but all that happened was a half-ass retelling of Will’s speech to El and the obligatory “I love you”

-On Byler: (let me preface with the disclaimer that I am queer) I do not support it in canon. I think Mike has inner issues involving his sexuality that prevents him from having a true connection with anybody. Mileven has been falling apart since s3, and there’s no way he out of no where does a full 180 and gets with Will. I think he isn’t straight and has some feelings for Will but without any acknowledgment of that this season I absolutely do not support him finding himself and all of a sudden dating Will in 5, theres just no way that’s plausible and I think the unrequited love story is 1) very true to the queer experience and 2) adds depth to Will’s character as an outsider (which I think will be important and have to do with Vecna in 5)

-On queerbaiting: (again, from a queer person’s perspective) I literally do not see what y’all are talking about. There isn’t queerbaiting. Robin is canonically a lesbian, Will is very clearly gay, coming out doesn’t have to be Will standing up and announcing “I’M GAY!!!” it feels a lot more natural and realistic especially given the time (period and the events of the show) that he wouldn’t say that. Jonathan clearly knows as well so I don’t get the issue. Yeah, Robin’s love interest is a side character, so what? Byler isn’t canon? Big deal, go watch another show with boys kissing. I think that the canon queer characters are done very well and given that the world is literally ending don’t see a point in focusing on forcing relationships between any characters at this point ???

-This is bleak but more of the main cast should’ve died. It felt like the stakes weren’t really that high when the only ones killed off was Eddie (who was introduced this season) and kinda Max. I love all the characters and would be upset at their deaths but it needs to happen for the sense of danger and reality, when everyone makes it out fine it feels like wacky spring break adventures, Steve or Murray or Dimitri or somebody else should’ve bit the dust IMO, but given how badly some people are taking Eddie’s death maybe it was a good idea on their part for the fans not to

-The Stancy moments were all so forced and even the Jancy moment felt off after Jonathan literally talked about wanting to break up with her days earlier

-There’s probably more I’m forgetting in general but current ramblings lol

Overall, I think it was good save for the final 30 minutes but the reality is with the set up of Vol. 1 we were bound to be underwhelmed, that was 7 episodes of a massive season where there didn’t need to be closure and even if they tried harder here they probably couldn’t have accounted for everything they should have. I have high hopes for 5 and that it’ll clear up some things and disagree with a lot of the hate the Duffers are getting right now?

[kj-1130]

Nothing For Me

Part 7

Main Masterlist

Part 6|Part 8

     You and MJ’s relationship continued to grow as time went on. 

     As she started her first year of high school, you worked on yourself, wanting to be good for her.

     Overtime, you learned how to process and deal with things better. You focused on yourself and your developing relationship with MJ and needless to say, things started to look up. 

     The ‘present but not really present father’ thing didn’t affect you as much as it did, but it was still there. It was one of the only things you hadn’t fully processed and to be honest, you didn’t think you ever could. 

     Your father is there, and has been aware of presence for almost a decade. And not once has he given you any type of consolation or love like a father should. You would think after Pepper was getting more involved in his life and forcing him to clean up (most of) his act, he would open his eyes and realize that a whole human being was living with him, waiting for him to realize that they were supposed to be relying on him; not an AI built in the comfort of their room. 

     But nope. Absolutely nothing changed. If anything, things got worse. 

     He was away more often, focusing on the Avengers. Or he was with Pepper, the new love of his life. 

     You tried not to linger on the situation often, knowing it would only lead to pain in your chest. So you just stuffed it in the back of your mind, hoping one day that the pain would just lessen all together. 

     About two months ago, you and MJ had decided to make things official after going on your first date. At first you talked about how fast the two of you were going, but Michelle simply said ‘we’ll be u-haul lesbians then.’ That was the end of the conversation. 

     Currently, you and your girlfriend were facetiming. You would’ve made the trek to her house but she was about to study and you both knew that you’d distract her. Plus the two of you were due for some time away from each other considering the fact that you’re at her place almost everyday. 

     “Okay, so I found this recipe the other day and I’m just now remembering it.”

     MJ looks at you confused, “Okay?” 

     You roll your eyes playfully.

     “I wanted to try it with you. After my ban from your place has been lifted.” 

     “It’s not a ban,” she chuckled.

     “Well, it sure as hell feels like one ba-”     “Mr. Stark has arrived with a guest,” M.I.A cut you off. 

     “Who is this guest?” 

     “Secretary of State, Thaddues Ross,” the AI replied, pulling up pictures of the man. 

     “Hey M, I’m gonna call you back.”

     “Yeah, yeah,” she nods, looking a little concerned. “Take all the time you need. Let me know if everything’s okay.”

     The two of you give your goodbyes and you ask M.I.A to pull up the live footage from the conference room.

     “Perspective. The world owes the Avengers an un-payable debt. You have fought for us, protected us, risked your lives… but while a great a=many people see you as heroes, there are some who would prefer the word “vigilantes”, is what you first hear when you start watching. 

     Immediately your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. 

     “And what word would you use, Mr. Secretary?” Natasha asks.

     “How about ‘dangerous’?” he replies. “What would you call a group of US-based, enhanced individuals who routinely ignore sovereign borders and inflict their will wherever they choose and who, frankly, seem unconcerned about what they leave behind?”

     The secretary activates a screen behind him which begins to play the previous battles the Avengers and SHIELD have fought in. 

     “New York.” 

     He clicks a button, footage of chitauri, shooting guns, and Hulk smashing plays. 

     “Washington D.C”

     A new video appears, showing the insight helicarriers firing at each other with chaos following. 

     “Sokovia.” 

     The frame changes, showcasing the terrified citizens that were on the flying piece of land. 

     “Lagos.” 

     “That’s enough,” Steve interrupts. 

     Ross nods in response and begins his speech again. 

     “For the past four years, you’ve operated with unlimited power and no supervision. That’s an arrangement the governments of the world can no longer tolerate. But I think we have a solution.”

     He places a thick document on the table and slides it across to Wanda. As the team slides the book to each other Ross starts talking. 

     “The Sokovia Accords. Approved by 117 countries… it states that the Avengers shall no longer be a private organization. Instead, they’ll operate under the supervision of a United Nations panel, only when and if that panel deems it necessary.” 

     “The Avengers were formed to make the world a safer place,” the Captain begins. “I feel we’ve done that.”

     “Tell me, Captain, do you know where Thor and Banner are right now?” There was a momentary pause as the two men’s eyes met. “If I misplaced a couple of 30 megaton nukes… you can bet there’d be consequences. Compromise. Reassurance. That’s how the world works. Believe me, this is middle ground.”

     At this point, you’re walking out of your room after transfering the feed to your tablet and making your way to the elevator.

     “So, these are contingencies,” Rhodey states. 

     “Three days from now,” Secretary Ross begins. “The UN meets in Vienna to ratify the Accords. Talk it over.” 

     Natasha speaks up, “And if we don’t come to a decision you don’t like?”

     “Then you retire.” 

     The elevator stops and you look up seeing the Secretary walk in with someone behind him. You give him a subtle disgusted look before turning your attention back to the security footage.

     As the deathtrap descends, you can feel his eyes lingering on you. 

     “Can I help you?” 

     “You’re a little young to be an intern.” 

     “You’re a little old to be looking at me like that,” you shrug, swiping away from the video on your tablet as you feel him looking over your shoulder. 

     Ross gives an awkward chuckle and furrows his eyebrows. When you reach the bottom floor, he gets ready to step out and places a hand on your shoulder. 

     You look at him like he’s lost his mind. 

     “You seem like a good kid. Be sure to make good choices.” 

     Raising an eyebrow, you refrain from saying what you want to say. You lift your hand and gently take his off of you. 

     “Don’t touch me,” 

     Once he exits, you hear the chatting start back up.

     “Secretary Ross has a Congressional Medal of Honor,” Rhodes told Sam. “Which is one more than you have. 

     “So let’s say we agree to this thing,” Wilson starts. “How long is it gonna be before they LoJack us like a bunch of common criminals?”

     “117 countries want to sign this. 117, Sam, and you’re just like, ‘No that’s cool. We got it.” 

     “I have an equation,” Vision announces as you get back on the elevator. 

     “Oh this will clear it up,” Sam mutters. 

     “In the eight years since Mr. Stark announced himself as Iron Man, the number of known enhanced persons has grown exponentially. And during the same period, the number of potentially world-ending events has risen at a commensurate rate.“

     “Toaster oven’s got a point there,” you mumble, stepping back on the metal deathtrap. 

     Steve asks,“Are you saying it’s our fault?”

     “I’m saying there may be a causality. Our very strength invites challenge. Challenge incites conflict. And conflict… breeds catastrophe. Oversight… oversight is not an idea that can be dismissed out of hand.” 

     “Boom,” Rhodey says.                             

     You see Tony lying on the couch, quite relaxed, contradicting the tense atmosphere. 

     “Tony,” Nat starts. “You are being uncharacteristically non-hyper-verbal.”

     “It’s because he’s already made up his mind,” Steve explained. 

     “Boy, you know me so well,” Stark starts, getting up and rubbing the back of his head. “Actually I’m nursing an electromagnetic headache,” he pauses to grab a mug of coffee. “That’s what’s going on, Cap. It’s just pain. It’s discomfort. Who’s putting coffee grounds in the disposal? Am I running a bed and breakfast for a biker gang?”

     Tony puts his phone in a basket and taps the screen. An image is projected of a smiling young man. 

     “Oh, that’s Charles Spencer, by the way. He’s a great kid. Computer engineering degree, 3.6 GPA. Had a floor level gig at Intel planned for the fall. But first, he wanted to put a few miles on his soul, before he parked it behind a desk. See the world. Maybe be of service. Charlie didn’t want to go to Vegas or Fort Lauderdale, which is what I would do. He didn’t go to Paris or Amsterdam, which sounds fun. He decided to spend his summer building sustainable housing for the poor. Guess where, Sokovia.”

     He pauses for a second as the team soaks in the information.

     “He wanted to make a difference, I suppose. I mean, we won’t know because we dropped a building on him while we were kicking ass.

     “There’s no decision-making process here. We need to be put in check! Whatever form that takes, I’m game. If we can’t accept limitations, if we’re boundary-less, we’re no better than the bad guys.”

     “Tony, someone dies on your watch, you don’t give up,” Steve rebuttals.

     “Who said we’re giving up?” 

     “We are if we’re not taking responsibility for our actions. This document just shifts the blame.”

     “I’m sorry. Steve,” Rhodey blurted. “That-that is dangerously arrogant. This is the United Nations we’re talking about. It’s not the World Security Council, it’s not SHIELD, it’s not HYDRA.”

      “No, but it’s run by people with agendas, and agendas change.”   

      “That’s good,” Tony starts. “That’s why I’m here. When I realized what my weapons were capable of in the wrong hands, I shut it down and stopped manufacturing.  

     “Tony, you chose to do that. If we sign this, we surrender our right to choose. What if this panel sends us somewhere we don’t think we should go? What if there is somewhere we need to go, and they don’t let us? We may not be perfect, but the safest hands are still our own.”

     “If we don’t do this now, it’s gonna be done to us later. That’s a fact. That won’t be pretty.”

     Wanda finally speaks up, “You’re saying they’ll come for me.”

     “We would protect you,” Vision promised. 

     “Maybe Tony’s right,” the redhead speaks. “If we have one hand on the wheel, we can still steer. If we take it off--”

     “Aren’t you the same woman who told the government to kiss her ass a few years ago?” Sam interrupts. 

     “I’m just… I’m reading the terrain. We have made… some very public mistakes. We need to win their trust back. 

     “Focus up,” Tony says. “I’m sorry, did I just mishear or did you agree with me?”

     “Oh, I want to take it back now.”

     “No, no, no. You can’t retract it. Thank you. Unprecedented. Okay, case-closed--I win.” 

     From what you see, Steve stands to leave abruptly. 

     You then walk out of the elevator, tablet still in hand with the footage up. The captain walks past you just as you turn the corner and spot the team. 

     “Someone’s upset,” you hum. 

     You walk past everyone towards the fridge and grab a water bottle. 

     “Anyway, that was very childish. And kinda stupid.” 

     Inquisitive looks are thrown your way and you hold up the tablet awkwardly as you plop down on a chair. 

     “I was watching you. I kinda do that a lot. It’s not as creepy as it sounds.” 

     You open the bottle and take a sip. 

     “What are you doing down here kid--”

     “Ahhh,” you interrupt. “Don’t call me a kid. I haven’t been a child for years.”

     “Just answer the question,” Tony snaps. 

     “I like to stay informed. No one tells me anything and while you think that these private meetings only affect you, it doesn’t. It affects me too. You may not remember I’m your child but several people do. And that puts me in danger. So yes, I listen to your conversations to make sure it’s nothing I need to worry about.” 

     An awkward silence washes over as you gulp down more water. 

     “Anyway, I was just riding up and down the elevator waiting for you guys to finish. That Ross dude is kinda creepy by the way. But you’re really considering signing that thing?” 

     “Not you too,” your father mutters. 

      You let out a laugh and everyone looks at you strangely. 

      “Is this funny to you?” Rhodey asks. 

      “Yes,” you stop laughing abruptly. “I find it hilarious that this is the same government that was ready to drop a nuke on the city during the Battle of New York not giving a damn about a single civilian that was still in the area. I find it hilarious that this is the same government that lets thousands of children and women of color go missing and not do a thing about it. It’s funny that this is the same government that let HYDRA, Red Room, AIM; all that shit grow right under their nose. It’s funny because this government is the same one that uses taxpayer money for dumb ass projects and unnecessary military funding instead of using it to fund shit that helps the civilians they claim they care so much about. I mean how can you not find this situation amusing?”

     “Look,” Tony attempts. 

     “I’m not finished,” you challenge, looking him dead in the eyes. “This government don’t give a damn about y’all, especially not the three of us,” you say, gesturing to yourself, Sam, and Rhodey. “We’d be booted out of this country before you could even blink if they ever got the chance and you know that.

     “I don’t know why y’all are so adamant on gaining the government’s trust when they don’t give a flying fuck about you or these goddamn civilians. All they care about is power. They don’t care how many civilians come up missing or die in some tragic accident. It doesn’t matter what happens. When they see someone becoming richer or smarter or more powerful than they are, they will do anything to shut that shit down. 

     “I don’t understand how you can’t see that. And maybe it’s just me. Maybe it’s just me and my experience,” you pause, catching the gaze of every person in the room with hard eyes. You take a deep breath and try to calm down. “Sign it if you want to. Think about how many lives you’ll lose then.”

     You stand from your spot and walk into the open elevator, ready to get to the comfort of your bed. 

-

     It had been two days since the initial meeting and you were currently sitting on Michelle’s bed watching her read. 

     “You’re really pretty,” you muttered out of the blue.

     You saw your girlfriend’s cheeks develop a subtle red tint as she mumbled back a ‘thank you, and continued reading. You groan and gently pull the book out of her hands. 

     “Hey,” she quietly protests. 

     “Please,” you pout, holding your arms out as an invitation.

     MJ fondly rolls her eyes before lowering herself onto you. You hummed contently and squeezed her before planting a kiss on her cheek. 

     She surprised you by turning her head and giving you a lingering kiss. That one kiss soon turned into something more. 

     Michelle gently pushed you onto your back and straddled your hips. Bending down she kissed you once again, her lips gliding with yours. 

     This continued for a few minutes, taking small breaks in between to breathe. You don’t think you could ever get enough of her and hoped that she was feeling similarly.

     You kissed until your jaws hurt. The euphoric feeling still lingered as MJ rested her forehead against yours, trying to catch her breath. 

     “We should do that again sometime,” you mumbled. 

     Your girlfriend nodded in response, giving one more chaste kiss to your lips before dropping to your side. 

     “Tomorrow,” she said after glancing at the clock that read 10:47. 

     “Guess I’m spending the night then.” 

     “I have no problem with that.”

-

     The next day, you were awoken by beeping from your phone. Once you were fully aware of your surroundings you picked up the device and read the notifications that M.I.A sent through. Scanning through them, you sat up with urgency and played the video. 

     “A bomb hidden in a news van ripped through the UN building in Vienna. More than 70 people have been injured. At least 12 are dead, including Wakanda’s King T’Chaka. Officials have released a video of a suspect who they have identified as James Buchanan Bares, the Winter Soldier. The infamous HYDRA agent, linked to numerous acts of terrorism and political assassinations.”

     Carefully removing Michelle’s arm from around your waist, you stand up and move to the corner of the room. You press the contact and hold the phone up to your ear. 

      “Nat what the fuck is going on?”

     You hear the woman sigh on the other side of the phone.     “Look, just… stay wherever you are.”

     “Yeah, okay, whatever. I want answers, Nat.”

     “(Y/n),” she says firmly. “Calm down and go back to whatever you were doing. Right now, this does not concern you and I would like it to stay that way. Do you understand me?”

     There was some silence, before you let out a forced chuckle. 

     “Okay, whatever. Bye.”

     “(Y/n) c’mo--”

     You disconnected the call and gently tossed the phone onto MJ’s desk.     “You sound stressed.” 

     Turning around to face the bed, you see Michelle sat up and leaning against the headboard. You nod slowly and crawl your way up towards her. 

     “I am.”

     You feel her hand take hold of your clenched ones and she rubs them, causing you to relax slightly. 

     “There was a um, bombing at the--the um… signing thing. And no one wants to tell me what’s going on, so,” you end the sentence, shrugging. 

     MJ’s head drops onto your shoulder and you let her cuddle close. 

     “They told me to stay where I was. So hopefully we can get something good out of that.” 

     There was no response and you thought she had fallen back asleep, but you were proven wrong when your girlfriend started getting up. 

     “C’mon,” she instructed, holding her hand out when she saw the look of confusion on your face. 

     Taking her hand, the two of you made your way to the kitchen. 

     She turned around and grabbed your shoulders. 

     “We are going to make some breakfast… or lunch whatever. And then we are going to binge watch until we can binge watch no longer. Alright?”

     You nod your head, chuckling and then got to work. 

-

     It had been days since you last heard from anyone. No updates from Natasha. M.I.A even told you there hasn’t even been a great deal of movement in the compound. Today you decided you would head back. 

     When you arrived it was quiet. As you walked down the halls you heard distant chatter and followed it. 

     Turning the corner, you were surprised at what you saw. 

     “What the hell happened?”

     The two men turned to look your way, but you were given no answers. 

     Tony had bruises on his face and he looked more tense than usual. Rhodey had some sort of tech on his legs. 

     “You fought them. You fought them all, didn’t you?” 

     Both men looked away and avoided your gaze. 

     “You didn’t even listen to what I said. This is what the government does. I tried to tell you, but you didn’t even fucking listen,” you ranted, your voice slightly raising.

     “Us breaking apart wasn’t the government. Most of this is on some guy th--”

     “Well the government allowed it to happen so I’d say it is their fault!” 

     You turned to your father with pleading eyes. 

     “Where are they, Tony?”

     “Kid, they’re criminals now, I don’t--”

     “Stop calling me that! I’m--I’m not some kid. I’m not your kid,” you let out a frustrated breath. “You--you couldn’t talk it out? Like mature adults? You just had to go assert your dominance somewhere--in what? An--an airport? Some vacant lot? You just had to fight. Do you not know how to communicate?” 

     You looked at the two men, shook your head, and brushed past them. 

     Just when things were alright.

-

     “(Y/n)?” 

     “What M.I.A?”

     You were currently laying in your bed trying to control the tears that were begging to fall from your eyes due to the amount of overwhelming shit you had been hit with. You talked with MJ for a little while and while it helped a bit, you honestly were still feeling like… well shit.

     “There’s a package for you.” 

     Furrowing your eyebrows, you head down to where the mail is usually placed, get the package with your name on it, and head back to your room. 

     Grabbing a pair of scissors, you cut the tape and open the box. Inside was a letter and a phone. 

     Hey sweetheart.

     It was Natasha’s handwriting.

     I’m sorry. I really am. We all are. I wish things wouldn’t have ended this way, but they did and we can’t really do anything about it now. 

     I listened to what you said. I listened and I tried my best to understand. I don’t think I ever wanted to sign the accords in the first place. The only reason I did so was so that we could stay together. So that I could stay with you. This team is the only family I’ve had in a long time. The fact that that stack of papers could end that scared me. 

     I just kept trying to convince myself that signing the Accords was the right thing to do; anything to keep this team together. Anything to keep everything from falling apart. 

     But the more I thought about it, I realized. You were right. Everything you said. This government doesn’t care. And if the government doesn’t care like they’re supposed to then we need to. People need the government, but they don’t have it. They do have us though. And they always will. 

     I love you. I didn’t say it enough and I don’t know when or if I’ll ever get to tell you that again. You are so precious to me and I’m sorry I couldn’t stay. If you ever need anything, you can always give me a call. 

     You wiped your eyes and gently picked up the phone. You held it in your hands for a moment before setting it down. You folded the letter back up neatly and placed both items in the top drawer of your nightstand. 

     You laid back down on your bed with less tears on your face. 

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Permanent Taglist

@stillmanicc​, @annestine​, @ymzki-haruki​

Nothing For Me Taglist

@littlegasps​, @leahnicole1219​, @thebadassass, @legendarymcnuggies, @big-galaxy-chaos​, @believinghurts​, @play-morezeppelin​, @vavilip​, @coollemonsaresour​, @ximaginx​, @xx-narcissa​

Marvel Taglist

@hateinthemorning​, @mylove4life​, @badbitchyonjii, @blueposthings​

[rantingcrocodile]

Do you think straight partnered bisexual women are overrepresented and dominant in bisexual spaces?

Questions like these are exactly how I know there's internalised biphobia. I'm not saying that to shame you or anything like that, because in this biphobic climate, it's a reasonable question to ask. The problem is that the perspective is all wrong.

For one: what bisexual spaces are we even talking about? There are very few that even exist to begin with. LGB spaces don't count remember, as we're talking about bisexual spaces, not spaces for the LG to be included.

Secondly: why is this framed as straight-partnered bisexual women? Should a bisexual woman who grew up believing that she was a lesbian, all of her previous partners been women, but her current partner happens to be a man suddenly "dominant" and therefore should be made to be quiet about her experiences? Why is this framed as bisexuals dominating others? Do you not see that this is suggesting that bisexual women that happen to act on one part of their sexuality can somehow be infected by men and therefore an enemy to other bisexuals?

Thirdly: why are bisexual women being defined by who their partner is, and not their personal bisexuality, how biphobia has affected them and there’s no understanding that there are bisexual women out there simply wanting to connect with other people who are also bisexual?

But most importantly of all: when we talk about who “dominates” in bisexual spaces, why is there never any discussion about bisexual POC, or bisexual WOC specifically? 

Are white bisexual women who are currently single and only hope to have a wife one day “dominated” and need some sort of protection from black bisexual women that happen to currently have a boyfriend?

There’s all this talk demonising bisexuals in opposite-sex relationships and fetishising bisexuals who simply say they want same-sex relationships to pit us against each other, like that’s what makes massive differences between us (and hint: the “differences” are nowhere near as big as the biphobes have convinced us are there) that there is absolutely no space to talk about the very real intersections of biphobic oppression.

When Jews are already stereotyped as greedy, manipulative and can’t be trusted, and Jewish women often seen as sexless prudes, how do you think that intersects with the biphobic beliefs that bisexuals are greedy, manipulative whores who can’t be trusted?

When black women are already stereotyped as promiscuous commodities, how do you think that intersects with the biphobic beliefs that bisexuals are all sluts and our bisexuality is automatic, permanent consent no matter what else we say?

When Hispanic women are already stereotyped as flirtatious and “the sexy Latina,” how do you think that intersects with the biphobic beliefs that bisexuals exist for male consumption, ready for sex at all times, where we aren’t allowed to have boundaries?

So while the biphobes pretend that biphobia doesn’t even exist and tell us that our biggest issue is those straight-partnered bihets taking over everything and harming the poor, actually marginalised same-sex partnered febfems, nobody’s actually talking about how the few discussions and studies into bisexuality are mostly through a white lens. There’s no understanding at all that bisexuals come from all different races and ethnicities and backgrounds, and that those intersections are the most important ones.

Who has the loudest voices in the few bisexual spaces that exist? White bisexuals.

All that this question does is completely erase the actual intersections that exist, and the reason that this racism exists is purely to teach bisexuals that we aren’t the ones that ever actually matter, only the LG matters. It teaches us that at best, the bisexuals who can “pass as LG” are the only ones that should ever matter, because specifically in LGB spaces, the LG (primarily the G) are the ones with the control. The only times that we’re allowed to speak are if it’s something that the LG can identify with, so even if one bisexual woman mentions a boyfriend once in an LGB space, which is her right as it’s part of her bisexuality that she can and should be allowed to share (as long as it’s not sexual or inappropriate!), then that’s enough for the LG to say that the space has been “ruined” or “overtaken.” 

Bisexuals have internalised that message. Bisexuals have no idea, in general, that biphobia takes different forms when it comes to different intersections, just like homophobia takes different forms when it comes to different intersections, and just like misogyny takes different forms when it comes to different intersections.

Systemic biphobia has taught us that we’re “half-straight-half-gay” and despite knowing, deep down, that we aren’t, that bisexuality is its own unique and discrete sexuality, too many bisexuals still have an obsession with demonising whatever they believe shows off the “half-straight part” instead of understanding that we’re simply all bisexual and express our bisexuality in different ways. One voice speaking too loudly about an opposite-sex partner is one too many for too many bisexuals to deal with. The idea that bisexuals can simply say, “I want to talk about my same-sex attraction instead” or “that particular conversation about your boyfriend isn’t appropriate” in one of the few bisexual spaces to exist is beyond too many of these bisexuals, because too many bisexuals don’t have any spine to speak out and have their voices heard thanks to the toxic mix of both female and biphobic socialisation and have completely forgotten that we’re all simply bisexual.

Bisexuals are hated by everyone else, biphobia is praised by everyone else, bisexuals are silenced by everyone else, but there’s a belief that there are so many bisexuals who magically take over everything to make it “straight”?

Please, if that were the case, then the LGB would be spearheaded by bisexuals, bisexual representation would be everywhere, bisexuals would be the first mentioned when it comes to LGB topics, and everyone on the planet would know that Freddie Mercury was bisexual and not gay, as most presume. (Once again, a bisexual MOC, don’t forget.) That isn’t the case.

Take a step back and think for a minute.

We’re so oppressed and marginalised that we’re still in the stage where most people don’t even believe that we’re oppressed and marginalised while they’re oppressing and marginalising us that we haven’t even been allowed to begin the very important and key discussions about how bisexuality intersects with other axes of oppression.

We’re too busy saying that we’re oppressed and fighting the idea that “actually, only the more half-gay bisexuals are worth anything” that racial and ethnic minority bisexuals don’t get to speak about our specific, individual axes of oppression, that disabled bisexuals can’t discuss axes of oppression, etc etc etc.

Instead, it’s all about “the half-straight gross bisexuals” vs “the pure and wholesome half-gay bisexuals” that does nothing but damage all of us because the argument is actually just “biphobic oppression doesn’t exist, only what can look like homophobic oppression matters, bisexuals in general don’t matter.”

It’s fucked.

Questions like this are beyond fucked.

Hopefully now, you can see exactly why.

[gedankenspaziergang]

Diversmagazin Interview  Translation

Diversmagazin released an interview with director Sarah Blaßkiewitz and Head-Writer Jasmina Wesolowski today. Read it here in German.

Jasmina (she/her), DRUCK writer since season four and head writer since season six together with Jonas Lindt. In a writers Room with Paulina Lorenz and Raquel Kishori Dukpa (Jünglinge)

Sarah (she/her) director of the last four episodes from season six

I’m leaving out the general introductory questions.

Alicia: Can you talk about the writing process? And what’s the most important thing for you while writing and telling stories?

Jasmina: We especially wanted the profound exchange with young adults who represent our protagonists. For season six we had the challenge that we wanted to tell the lovestory of a Gambian-German girl and a Vietnamese-German girl, perspectives that aren’t represented in the writer’s room. That’s why we talked a lot to research partners, to make up for our lack of knowledge/ experience, but we also talked to the actors and actresses.

Alicia: Why do different directors work on DRUCK?

Sarah: We try to produce as much in real-time as possible. And of course, we have to pre-produce but still have to work [overlappingly]. While one director is already in the editing phase, the next one already starts to shoot. Another reason is of course, that this way, also in the writer’s room, there’s more space for diversity.

 Alicia: It’s similar to the writer’s room. You’re also dividing the writing of scenes between different people. … Are you working together with racism and LGBTQIA+ experts?

Jasmina: I think we all have blind spots and that it’s absolutely impossible to end up with a perfect result. It was an important first step, that the Jünglinge collective joined. They are big advocates for queer BIPoc representation in German media. They were always present for feedback loops and made all of us, crew, actors and actresses, participate in an anti-racism workshop. We were lucky to have the brilliant author and anti-racism trainer Arpana Berndt, who advised us on these topics. On top of that, we did a lot of research on different topics. I think now it should be the only way to produce movies and shows this way, with an intensive research phase. This way you don’t appropriate the stories of others and also don’t tell inauthentic stories or, in the worst case, use hurtful clichés/stereotypes. It was helpful and needed that Black perspectives were present also behind the camera – Sara as a director, but also in the social media team, make-up department or costume design. But we are also aware that more can be done.

Sarah: It’s important to me to highlight the make-up and costume design department. When I, an afro-German person, joined this project and met other afro-German women in those departments, who can relate to me, the character of Fatou and Ava, I was really glad. I can say from many years of experience that that’s not a given.

 Alicia: How about experts on LGBTQIA+ issues?

Jasmina: To talk a bit about the process: We were set on Fatou being a lesbian pretty early on, and that was already discussed in the earlier writer’s room, where that perspective wasn’t present yet. In the beginning, those were loose ideas, and we had to implement them with the casting. The casting team Raquel Kishori Dupka, Melek Yaparak and Angelika Buschina worked closely with the directors and contacted different institutions and specifically asked for actors and actresses who could be queer. At this age this is of course a super sensitive topic. You don’t want to force young people to [define themselves/come out]. It’s a huge challenge to handle that with care and it was extremely important that the Jünglinge collective was part of the casting process.

But also, apart from the casting process, we profited a lot from the queer people in the writer’s room in the cast.

Sarah: For my part I asked the authors and queer people “What would you like? What is nice? What hurts? What’s important? Or what have I never seen before?” And then I put those different experiences into the different scenes. On top you of course need common sense (?) to portray something that you haven’t experienced yourself.

 Jasmin: I just thought of a small really beautiful example: How Fatou was given these rainbow socks as a Christmas present. You immediately notice, that was the idea of a queer person who knows what non-queer parents give to their kids as gifts. The fans notice: Queer people were in the writer’s room. Or “Ah, these actresses know, what they’re doing.“ And those are the small things that make a difference.

 Alicia: For sure! In DRUCK you notice that queer people were part of this in really subtle ways, and that [resulted] in really nice fan-moments. I can confirm that.

Right now, the community is discussing the conflict between Mailin and Ava a lot. What role does that conflict play for you and what does it teach us?

 Sarah: I’m editing the last episodes right now, so I really feel it, also because you already see the reactions online.

For me, the conflict is important because it shows over a long period of time, that not everything is always only good or only bad. That it takes a lot of time, patience and confrontation to understand all nuances of that kind of conflict.

That Ava could be prevented to outright say what’s bothering her, because we’re talking about a really serious trauma of exclusion. How do you even tell people really personal stuff when you were bullied for years? And now we have that conflict, that seemingly takes forever, and you’re always asking yourself: “Why aren’t they talking to each other?” But it’s only in real time that you realize how hurtful this conflict is. How hurtful it is what they experience. What racism means, and also what it means to [deal] with that topic as a white  German girl. And I think it’s really important that everyone is going through that with this season. That takes time and sometimes hurts. And you don’t always understand Ava and you don’t always understand Mailin. When we really [dedicate ourselves to understand this conflict] then I think, we can experience what for example a person like me experienced their whole adolescence. I’m not saying I was bullied my whole adolescence, and maybe it wasn’t because of the color of my skin, but because of something else. But that went on for half a year. After being bullied in school for half a year you’re not up for school and your classmates anymore. And you don’t talk to them anymore. And if people realize that because of this season then I’m glad. I think it’s really touching that this conflict takes up so much space.

 Jasmina: I found it really interesting what you said about the nuances, because it was a real process for me to learn how many facets this conflict has. And especially that us white people, who grow up in a society with structural racism, have a particular idea about what racism means. And that’s not a detailed and uncritical perspective of that topic: As soon as you call me racist, I feel attacked and start defending myself.

The role that this conflict played for us was to show how incredibly exhausting it is as a Person of Color, to always have to deal with these problems and that there’s a kind of fatigue, that you don’t want to talk (or should want to talk) about certain topics anymore, especially if you have other things going on in your life on top of it.

On the other hand, we have Mailin, who has a strong desire to understand. She’s not aware of her privileges as a white girl. We want to take this journey together, when she starts to realize things and when she goes through different stages; until she understands, what it is really about. We also have an arc there that isn’t finished. Because in real life, you have to deal with some topics over and over again. We think it’s especially important to show that it’s not the job of Black people to explain racism to their white  friends. By now, they have all the resources to educate themselves and to talk with other white people about this topic, to unburden Black people.

 Alicia: That’s really interesting! The lovestory of Kieu My and Fatou is an important part of season six, which many queer young adults love. How is the relationship between Fatou and Kieu My representative for a generation?

Sarah: I can actually also see it in an older generation. When I send the cuddle clip of Kieu My and Fatou to my grandpa, he says “Wow, how amazing that a Viet-German and a Afro-German girl are lying in bed together, talk in German and are in a relationship.” This generation hopefully isn’t alone anymore, for example in the sense of: being the only Afro-German person in a small city. That changed and now we see it in that second and third generation. And that’s why it shows me something very real and beautiful.

 Alicia: Which scene are you really proud of and why?

Sarah: My favorite scene, and one I’m really proud of and that was really important concerning the pressure of school, was with the main character Fatou. It’s about a path of finding yourself from Fatou and a [Reinigungsmoment] with her brother. Two people, who know each other from the moment of their birth, are sitting together. When I read that scene I thought yes, I can relate, I can feel that, and when we shot that, a world opened for me. And that was partly because of the music, which was decided before we shot this scene. Then we shot it and it was fucking cold, but we shot it again and again but every time we really felt it like the first time. And when I now watch that scene while editing, it really is the perfect moment. Every facial expression is perfect, every reaction. And that’s that kind of truthful (?) moment you’re looking for as an actor, actress, director or author. When everything fits.

 (There’s a script for every social media part, What’s App Chats and ideas for social media stories. )

 Alicia: When can we expect the next season and what will it be about?

Jasmina: For now, DRUCK is finished and we have to wait how it will continue. Fingers are crossed and of course we’re hoping for a new season.

[Note by me: We‘re not gonna spiral, Jünglinge looked for more writers, Black writers, on facebook a while ago. Nothing is safe but they probably don’t want to make any promises]

[hamliet]

The Girl Who Gets to Have It All: Buffy Summers

So with @linkspooky​‘s encouragement, I have binged Buffy the Vampire Slayer and relived my childhood culture. And, it's a 10/10 for me. Not that it doesn't have flaws, but it's genuinely one of the best stories I've seen, with consistent character arcs, powerful themes, and a beautiful message. It's also like... purportedly about vampires and demons and superpowered chosen ones, but it's actually all about humanity.

Buffy was able to be a teenage girl, allowed to like the things teen girls are scorned for (boys, shopping, etc), to be insecure about the thing teenage girls are insecure about (future careers, dating, school, parents), and to be a superhero with its good and its bad aspects. The story wasn’t afraid to call Buffy on her flaws (sometimes she got in a very ‘I am the righteous chosen one’ mode) and to respect and honor each of her desires (to be a good person, to be loved, and more). The story listened to what she wanted and respected her desires, giving her the challenges needed to overcome her flaws while also never teaching her a lesson about wanting bad boys or romance is silly or any manner of dark warnings stories like to throw at teenage girls. 

It respected teenage girls--nerdy girls like Willow, jocks like Buffy, lonely wallflowers with trauma like Dawn, and popular/snobby ones like Cordelia, girls gone wild like Faith. It never once reduced them to the stereotypes that were lurking right there: each character was fully rounded, human, flawed and yet with respected interests and goals. This is so rare for a story that I’m still in awe. 

The story as a whole follows Buffy from 15 to 21, of her as she grows from teenager to adult. She acts like a teenager and grows to act like a young adult, wrestling with loneliness and duty. The adults, like Giles, Joyce, and Jenny, are not perfect either, but neither are they “bad parents” or “bad mentors” necessarily. Joyce in particular says something terrible to Buffy, but she tries to do better, and it’s rare to see a parent in YA stories shown with such nuance. Basically, it wrote the long-lasting adult characters as human beings, too. 

Speaking of growing up, I appreciated how Buffy’s love interests mirrored this. Angel was someone Buffy loved and admired, wanted to be like, but who was always either extreme good or extreme bad, and combined with Buffy’s own tendencies towards black-white thinking, made for a beautiful relationship to help her grow, but didn’t necessarily form a foundation for a long-term partner. Spike, on the other hand... they both saw each other at their worst and were drawn to each other even then, and were inspired to become better because they couldn’t bear to be a person who treated the other person so wrongly. They pushed each other to become the best them they could be, and believed in each other. Also, Spuffy is an enemies to lovers ship for the ages. 

(Also, most of the other ships were well-done or at least can be understood. Riley was very obviously wrong for Buffy which paralleled Harmony and Spike in being 100% wrong for each other. Cordelia and Xander were a fun ship even if we all knew it would never last, and Willow and Oz were beautiful and cute. But Xander and Anya and Willow and Tara? OTPs. As were Giles and Jenny, the librarian and the computer teacher.) 

That said, it’s not a perfect series. No story is. All of the characters and ships had problematic aspects to them worthy of critique, and the writing is very 90s in a lot of ways. It’s a product of its time, and in many ways it’s good society has progressed beyond some of the tropes/metaphors used in the show. In other way, though, the show was ahead of its time, and in a good way it wasn’t bound by the fear of purity policing with its takes on redemption (many characters would never fly today). 

So, in order of seasons ranked from my very favorite to my “still enjoyed it very much” (no season was actually bad, imo), here’s my review. I’ll also review my top 10 villains in the show, because Buffy does villains very well in terms of the redeemable and irredeemable.  

Season 7:  Yep, the final season was my favorite. 

Overall Opinion: Buffy's finale is literally "f*ck them men, our power is ours" and while it seems cheesy it actually works (also, f*ck in both a literal and figurative sense). The series strongly hit all the themes: love as strength, and redemption. Buffy consistently shows love as her strength--*all* kinds of love. Friendship w Willow/Xander, familial with Joyce/Dawn, romantic with Spike/Angel. These types of love are also never pitted against each other as is so often the case in current-day media. It's beautiful. Also, Spike’s confrontation with Wood was so powerful in terms of exploring forgiveness, redemption, and reconciliation: where they overlap and where they don't, and what it means to move forward. 

Unpopular Opinion: I have seen a lot didn’t like the inclusion of Potential Slayers, and while I agree they could have been better incorporated/characterized, it was a great way to show Buffy’s final stage of growing up to be ending her chosen one status and projecting/multiplying her powers over the world. 

Biggest Critique: Kennedy was female Riley--the anti-Tara to Riley’s anti-Angel (by ‘anti’ I mean opposite in every way). Kennedy was annoying and immature. Her role, like Riley’s, was less about exploring her as a character and more about her just being stamped as “love interest: lesbian.” 

Favorite Episodes: Beneath You, Lies My Parents Told Me, Touched, Chosen

Season 6: 

Overall Opinion: I said this on Twitter, but I felt like this was Buffy’s The Last Jedi or Empire Strikes Back moment. It is polarizing and dark, deconstructing the tropes it stands on--but by digging to the core of these tropes, it actually makes what’s good about them shine brighter. Everyone’s enemy was the worst versions of themselves. Giles left Buffy, Willow's struggle to relate to the world led to her trying to destroy it, Buffy hurt everyone through her anger, Xander abandoned Anya at the altar, Spike... yeah. It ages well as an integral part of the story, and the Trio were eerily prophetic. 

Unpopular Opinion: Dawn is a great character with a good arc. A traumatized teen acting out and struggling to come to terms with loss and identity? She wasn’t whiny; she was realistic. 

Biggest Critique: Willow’s addiction coding (I’ll discuss this below) and Seeing Red as an episode. I see the argument for both of its controversial scenes from a narrative perspective: Willow starts the season not grieving Buffy but instead being determined to fix it with magic and needs to learn to grieve, but. Still. Bury your gays is not a good look. For the Spike scene... he conflates sex/passion and violence (”love is blood, children” is something he said way back in season 3), but like Tara’s death, it had more to do with Spike (as Tara’s death did for Willow) than with Buffy’s arc, and as for the actual execution... they really botched that. Did it like... have to go on that long or go that far? No. Also, the framing was good, but inconsistent with the rest of the series (Xander to Buffy in the hyena episode, Faith to Xander and to Riley, etc.) 

Favorite Episodes: Once More With Feeling, Smashed, Grave

Season 3 (tied with Season 5):

Overall Opinion: The opening continuity of Buffy meeting Lily/Anne after saving her life in Season 2 was sweet. The Witchhunt episode had really powerful subtext: stories of deaths that aren’t even true are actually demons that possess the town and convince them to turn against their children in the name of protecting the children. It’s a good commentary on, oh, everything in society. Faith’s character arc was fantastic, and her chemistry with Buffy was off the charts (look, I may be Spuffy all the way, but Fuffy has rights). The finale was satisfying in so many ways, seeing the entire graduating class unite to destroy the Mayor and the school with it, symbolizing Buffy et al’s readiness to move on to college. Oz's relationship with Willow was very sweet and meaningful for a first romance for Willow. 

Unpopular Opinion: I actually don’t really have one. Maybe that the miracle in Amends was earned? I think you can make a decent case that Season 3 is the best written of the seasons, but can only truly be thematically appreciated to its full potential in the light of subsequent seasons (which finish Faith’s arc and deconstruct Buffy’s).  

Biggest Critique: It forgot Buffy killed the hyena guy in Season 1, making her continual insistence that she can’t kill people very ????? 

Favorite Episodes: Lovers Walk, Amends, Graduation Day Part 2 

Season 5, which ties with Season 3:

Overall Opinion: The entire season is about family and what it means, from Tara’s to Buffy’s to the Scoobies. I loved Glory aka Enoshima Junko as the Big Bad, I loved Dawn’s interesting meta commentary on retconning (like, the fact that she’s retconned in matters), and most of my ships are still alive. Joyce’s relationship with Spike is one of the most heartwarming aspects, and Spike’s arc’s desire is clearly highlighted: he wants to be seen as a person. The episodes after Joyce’s death are the most honest portrayals of grief I’ve ever seen, and absolutely brutal to watch. 

Unpopular Opinion: Buffy’s choice at the end seems a deliberate inversion of her choice at the end of Season 2 (sacrifice a loved one to save the world), but it actually isn’t: much like at the end of Season 2 where Buffy skips town because she’s devastated after killing Angel and doesn’t want to sort out being expelled, her mom knowing she’s the slayer, and her own trauma, Buffy’s sacrifice here was as much about her wanting the easy way out of relationships, family, college, etc. as it was about saving Dawn. Buffy’s death is coded as a suicide, which Season 6 emphasizes as well. 

Biggest Critique: Like Season 3, I don’t have a lot to critique here. I wish the suicidal coding had been a little more obvious in Season 5 itself, but also I’m not sure it could have been more obvious; it’s pretty apparent if you pay attention. Maybe also that Buffy and Riley’s relationship failing should have been more squarely blamed on Riley, you know, being insecure and cheating. 

Favorite Episodes: Family, Fool for Love, Intervention. 

Season 2:

Overall Opinion: Heartbreakingly tragic but exciting and revealing at the same time. It asked the viewer interesting questions about redemption and forgiveness and atonement through Angel being honest about his past, and then decided to show us his past now reenacted, challenging us. And still, we saw them save him in a parallel to saving Willow in Season 6 (but Season 2 was tragic because it wasn’t enough, while Season 6 was not). Jenny’s death was agonizing, and the scene were Angel watches Buffy, Willow, and Joyce get the news through the window was powerful. We didn’t have to hear them to get the grief. 

Unpopular Opinion: Jenny’s death isn’t a fridging; it works for her arc too when you consider her history. She worked to save the person whose life she was tasked to ruin, and it cost her her own--yet she still succeeded, because Jenny brought joy and wisdom to the show. Kendra’s death, on the other hand... was because they needed the stakes to be high--but we already knew that before she died. So, her death was useless. 

Biggest Critique: The subtext was Not It. It was essentially “do not have sex. Your older boyfriend will lose his soul, kill your friends, you’ll lose your family, your school, your home, and have to kill your true love or else hell will literally swallow earth.” 

Favorite Episodes: School Hard, Passion, Becoming Part 2.

Season 1:

Overall Opinion: I really liked it; it’s just lower on this list because the others are just better. It’s a great introduction to the series and to its characters, from Giles to Buffy to Willow to Jenny to Cordelia. It has great subtext a lot of the time (for example, Natalie French as She-Mantis is a literal predatory bug who engages in predatory behavior with students). Additionally, it subverts the typical YA trope of two guys and a girl, in which the girl is usually the least interesting character. Buffy and Willow were both fully fledged characters from the beginning with distinct strengths (even before Willow became a witch, as she wasn’t one in season 1 yet), while Xander was the more ordinary of the group. 

Unpopular Opinion/Biggest Critique: Xander’s arc showed its first flaws that unfortunately continued throughout the series: his writing was either very good or very indulgent in ways it never was for other characters.  (cough, the hyena episode, cough, in which he gets to skirt responsibility--and acknowledges that he is skirting it--for something the show will later hold others to account for). Xander’s just kind of inconsistent, which weakened his character over all. (Which is why both his love interests--Cordelia and then ultimately Anya--were good for him: they did not indulge him.) 

Favorite Episode: Witch, Nightmares. 

Season 4:

Overall Opinion: it’s still a good season. It’s a good portrayal of college and the growing pains of branching out, the strains of college growth on relationships (romantic and platonic). It shows us the first hints of Spuffy, giving us some serious Jungian symbolism between Spike and Buffy early on, and does well in establishing Xander/Anya and Willow/Tara as beautiful OTPs. Faith and Buffy’s foiling is fantastic. The Halloween episode was very fun as well. However, it suffers because its Big Bad, Adam, is not all that compelling thematically--yet, he could have been. See, the final battle pulls off the Power of Friendship in a really strong way but notably the season does not end there. Instead, it ends on dreams of each character’s worst fears, continuing what we saw in Nightmares in Season 1. Why? Because it shows us that the characters’ wars aren’t against monsters, but monsters of their own making: their flaws. Adam, as a literal Frankenstein, exemplifies this, but it wasn’t capitalized on as well as it could have been. 

Unpopular Opinion: Beer Bad isn’t a bad episode, at the very least because Buffy gets to punch Parker. It’s not one of the series’ best, obviously, but it does give Buffy an arc in that she gets her daydream of Parker begging her to come back, but she has overcome that desire and her desire for revenge. If we wanna talk about bad subtext in Season 4, Season 2′s Not It sex subtext continues in the Where the Wild Things Are episode in this season; it’s a powerful callout of abusive purity-culture churches, until the fact that the shame creates a literal curse undermines the progressive message it’s supposed to send. Also, the Thanksgiving episode (Pangs) is a nightmare of white guilt and Oh God Shut Up White People. 

Biggest Critique: Riley is awful. Like Kennedy, he had “love interest:normal” stamped on him and that was it. The thing is, he could have worked as an Angel foil, representative of the normal-life aspect of Buffy to Angel’s vampire/supernatural aspect, but the writers never explore this and seemed to even try to back away from that later on. They threw all the romantic cliches at the wall to see what sticks, from klutzy “I dropped my schoolbooks, that’s how we met” to cliché lines that had me rolling my eyes. Do you know how bad a romance has to be to make me dislike romantic tropes? 

Favorite Episodes: Fear Itself, Hush, Restless

Villain rankings: 

Dark Willow, the only villain to be truly sympathetic. While the addiction coding was insensitive and, while unsurprising for its time, aged extremely poorly. That said, Willow’s turn to the dark side after Tara’s death worked well for her character and the story: it was believable and paid off what had been building since Season 1's “Nightmares” episode (Willow’s inferiority complex). 

Glory managed to be genuinely terrifying, and humorous/enjoyable too. Her minions and their numerous nicknames for Glorificus were hilarious, as was her intense vanity. Her merging with Ben--a human being who genuinely wanted to be kind and good--added complexity and tragedy to her role. 

The First. A really good take on Satan. The seventh season as well as the First’s first appearance in season 3′s “Amends” had kind of blatant Christian symbolism, and so the First being essentially Satan works. Their disguising themselves as dead loved ones and the subtle manipulation they used to alienate people was really disturbing and well done. 

The Mayor, who was a terrible person but a truly good father. He provided an interesting contrast to the normal ‘bad dad’ bad guy character, in that he provided Faith exactly what the other characters refused to: he saw the best in her and offered her parental support, while the heroes didn’t and wound up pushing her away. 

The Trio, who were villains ahead of their time: whiny fanboy reddit dudebros, basically. The stakes seemed so much lower than fighting Glory, a literal god, the previous season. But that’s why they worked so well for Season 6′s human themes, and were especially disturbing because we all know people like them. I also appreciated the surprisingly sensitive takes on Jonathan and Andrew, who got to redeem themselves, but Warren did not, and I don’t think he should have either. 

Angelus + Drusilla. I’m ranking them below the Trio because Angelus was just sooooo different from Angel that it was difficult for me to feel the same way for him. He was still Angel, so it wasn’t possible to enjoy his villainy, but he also wasn’t nearly as sympathetic as Dark Willow, had no redeeming qualities like the Mayor, and wasn’t as disturbingly realistic as the Trio. However, the emotional stakes were excellently executed with him as the Big Bad, in that you were never quite sure how to feel and it just plain hurt. Also, Drusilla was a favorite recurring character. She was sympathetic and yet batsh*t enough to be enjoyable as a villain at the same time. 

The Master, who was just completely camp and really worked as an introductory villain. He was scary enough to believe he was a threat, and was funny enough to introduce the series’ humor as well. He was, like Glory, an enjoyable Big Bad. 

The Gentlemen, the one-off villains of Season 4′s Hush who were genuinely terrifying. It’s not as if they got a lot of explanation or any backstory, but they didn’t need it. 

Caleb, the misogynist priest. Fitting with the First’s Christian symbolism, Caleb serving as a spokesperson of all bad religious beliefs felt appropriate. He was also a good foil to Warren--being actually supernaturally powered instead of a wannabe--and to Tara’s family in being full-out evil. I despised him. 

Snyder. Okay Snyder is not a Big Bad like Adam is, but let’s face it: Adam is lame compared to the other villains. But Snyder as a principal? He was so irritating and yet really well used in the series to critique overly strict, hypocritical teachers. Like, we all know teachers like him. I loved to hate him, and his ending was so satisfying. 

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

I'm the anon struggling with biphobia. I wanted to reply but I had an airplane to catch and I kinda forgot. As I said before I already knew that biphobia is bad and I have to do something about it, reading your answer was like reaffirming that these stereotypes are really stupid and hurtful. I'm a lesbian and I think that my prejudices come from the stereotype that being bi is a phase or something trendy (which I know it's not true), so it feels like if a bi girl wants to pursue me it's just for fun until she realizes she wants to be with a man. I don't know, I also struggle with my sexuality, I know liking girls is totally alright and I'm sure I'm a lesbian, but it can be very lonely and I live in a very heteronormative country, being straight would be so much easier. But I'm digressing here.

Also thank you to the anon that replied to me and gave me their perspective. I hope at some point to find a good therapist that knows something about lgbtq+ stuff, untill then I'll try to correct myself whenever I think of something harmful.

I hope what I said makes sense, English isn't my native language.

P.S. maybe there's also the fact that all the bi girls I know, whether it's irl or like youtubers, are in a long relationship with a man, and, idk, maybe subconsciously it makes me feel like heteronormativity is the only option. Once again, it's my problem and I'm the one who has to fix this. I just wanted to give all of the details(?)

Hi there,

thanks for getting back to us with some more background. I kind of figured that you're a lesbian but didn't wanna just presume. Honestly, I'm very glad that you asked about this. If everyone who had biphobic beliefs would a) acknowledge them as such and b) try to work on unlearning them like you are then already the world would be so much easier for bi people to live in.

Too much time and energy in bi activism is used up for proving that we even exist, that there often isn't any energy left to address biphobia. So I'm relieved in a way, any time that someone validates bisexuality and biphobia as real things. It's the bare minimum, I know, but it makes my/our work so much easier because you came to us with a foundation upon which we could discuss this. That's so much more helpful for both of us than talking to someone who doesn't even think biphobia is a thing.

Long story short: I think you are on a good way. You've already taken steps to work on your biphobia - that's more than most people can say for themselves. And I think the more you learn about biphobia (maybe just by following this blog and reading more first-hand stories from bisexuals) you will also get better at noticing it when you fall into a biphobic thought and you can stop yourself sooner. That's really all we can do when we want to unlearn prejudices - to learn to recognise them, take a step back and remind ourselves why this is wrong.

One last little thought nugget I'd like to add is that bi people who are in m/f relationships don't even necessarily "enjoy" the presumed heteronormativity that comes with it. Many of us actively reject heteronormativity and even if our partner is a straight person we might actually try our hardest to not "lose" our queer identity in the process. For example I often talk to my straight male partner about my own queerness and queer stuff because I want him to be a part of that as well.

I can only speak for myself and from what I've observed in others over the years but all bi people I know absolutely HATE it when someone assumes they are straight - even if they might have to rely on this for safety, the invisibility that comes with it usually translates into a profound loneliness and nobody likes that. It's a terrible feeling. And as a result, those of us who can come out (even if it's only to their partner and nobody else) often very much wish they didn't seem so heteronormative to the outside eye. Because we didn't choose heteronormativity, we chose a person who just happens to be of a certain gender that society deems to be The Correct One in relation to out own. It's a weird paradox to be rewarded by society for fitting a norm that we ourselves hate and would love to destroy.

Anyway... that was a long tangent but I wanted to get it out there. And by the way: your English is perfect (says I, who also isn't a native speaker lol).

Maddie

[whatiwillsay]

off topic - let’s talk about gaylena 👀

selena gomez is one of taylor’s oldest and bestest friends and given that she is in the 22 liner notes, a huge part of taylor’s life, and maybe fruity herself it seems like possibly we don’t talk about her here at the blog enough!

i don’t want to do a timeline of selena and taylor’s friendship - you can read more about that here, but they met back in the day when they were both dating jonas brothers and to me this idea of finding a real friendship in the midst of these contrived promances is pretty adorable.

ofc most of y’all think taylor is a fruit basket but i think there’s a good chance that selena is too!  i’m not saying she is for sure but y’all know me.  i’’m here to make a compelling case that everyone and their dog is gay so let’s gooooo! 

Part I - At least one fake rs!  

Selena “dated” Taylor Lautner in 2009 and he’s definitely gay.  Of course, that doesn’t mean she is, it could just be PR, but y’all know I gotta note everything!  We stan our fruity bffs dating the same gays 😍

Part II - Selena x cara delevingne

i feel like there’s a chance they met through taylor but everyone in that squad adjacent circle knows one another.  cara dated michelle rodriguez for the first half of 2014 and then got with annie clark in March 2015 but it feels like it’s possible something has gone on between her and Selena from summer 2014 - early 2015? ...maybe something casual on and off a bit?

August 2014 - Steamy pics surface in Saint-Tropez, France

Selena and and a freshly single Cara vacation together in part to celebrate Selena’s 22nd birthday.

They party together and look cozy!

Pictures such as this surface and spark rumors around the two:

Selena apparently loves the rumors and gushes about being shipped with Cara.

Quote:

You say Selena drag queens were the true measure of success for you. But isn’t it true that you’re not truly famous until you’ve been the subject of a gay rumor? And last year, the tabloids had a field day with photos of you and Cara Delevingne. I’ve made it!

How did you react to those rumors? Honestly, I loved it. I didn’t mind it. Especially because they weren’t talking about other people in my life for once, which was wonderful. Honestly, though, she’s incredible and very open and she just makes me open. She’s so fun and she’s just extremely adventurous, and sometimes I just want that in my life, so I didn’t mind it. I loved it.

Notice she doesn’t deny them?  Now of course she could just be being cool, if she freaked out about it that might be even weirder but hey, it’s still kind of interesting.

Then she admits to questioning her sexuality???

Have you ever questioned your sexuality? Oh, I think everybody does, no matter who they are. I do, yeah, of course. Absolutely. I think it’s healthy to gain a perspective on who you are deep down, question yourself and challenge yourself; it’s important to do that.

(Selena btw, this is cool and all, but not everybody questions their sexuality, maybe you’re just gay 👀)

November 1 - LACMA Art + Film Gala 

they even left the event together 👀

and they hung out earlier that day as well:

They were seen the next day partying for Kendall Jenner’s bday singing to her:

a few weeks later Cara tweets Selena’s lyrics!

In December 2014 they are travelling together in texas:

in january 2015 they get cozy at the golden globes together!

and they leave together again:

January 19th/20th a bunch of gay nonsense happens

They post this gay shit with matching shoes and linked fingers:

then they say this to one another:

Enty says they were hooking up!

then we don’t get any more content that i can find for about six months! perhaps they had a fling from summer 2014-jan 2015 and then it ends, Cara gets with Annie in March?  Then after half a year apart Selena and Cara resume a friendly relationship?  Perhaps!  Selena is seen with Justin a bit off and on during this time but this was in their Style/Heat Death Era imo (tbh i probably shouldn’t give a hetty pairing including Justin that designation 🤢but y’all get what I’m saying - it’s fully possible Selena was hooking up with both of them!

Now I’m not super familiar with Selena’s discography so y’all lmk if I’m missing anything major - lyric wise that point to her not being straight.

Selena’s album Revival that comes out after this relationship has a few songs with some vibes, even though I get the feeling a lot of it is probably about Justin, allow me to reach.  The title track could be translated as someone coming to terms with their sexuality (among other things):

I feel like I've awakened lately The chains around me are finally breaking I've been under self-restoration I've become my own salvation Showing up, no more hiding, hiding The light inside me is bursting, shining It's my, my, my time to butterfly

Good for you, imo, is too sexy to be about a man even if it’s not super queer lyrically it’s a vibe ok?

Me & My Girls might be a bestie anthem a la 22 (oh wait, no 22 was gay too) but I mean...could be about a girl gang of lesbians too!

And if we want it, we take it If we need money, we make it Nobody knows if we fake it You like to watch while we shake it I know we're making you thirsty You want us all in the worst way But you don't understand I don't need a man 

Quinn Fabray indeed!

Nobody feels probably like a retrospective on Justin 🙄but...there is a hint of sapphic craving in there!  Saying this particular lover loves them differently than everyone is a bit 👀 plus this stanza:

No oxygen, can barely breathe My darkest sin, you've raised release And it's all because of you, all because of you And I don't know what it is, but you've pulled me in No one compares, could ever begin To love me like you do And I wouldn't want them to

Is Perfect about some bitch Justin started dating?  Probably but bear with me here this song is actually pretty fucking gay.  Gay enough that I’m gonna add it to one of my gay playlists.  Could this song actually be about Cara moving on to Annie?

Ooh, and I bet she has it all Bet she's beautiful like you, like you And I bet she's got that touch Makes you fall in love, like you, like you

I can taste her lipstick and see her laying across your chest I can feel the distance every time you remember her fingertips Maybe I should be more like her Maybe I should be more like her I can taste her lipstick, it's like I'm kissing her, too And she's perfect And she's perfect

Part III - Selena x Julia Michaels

Julia Michaels is a singer/songwriter known for her song Issues.  I don’t know her sexuality but she at the least has gay vibes!  It seems they met around this time perhaps because Julia wrote on Revival.

They have a friendly enough friendship for a few years, liking one another’s posts on IG from time to time, posing for a photo a time or two and then they seem to get swept up into this very intense friendship in 2019.  They write some music together and Julia goes whole hog in promoting the shoe brand Selena is hawking this time 😭

2019 - The Superior Sapphic Jelena Timeline:

It starts, for some reason with a lot of shoe promotion:

chill, chill

more shoes

but more gayness?

this homo shit

ok...

Then we go into the REALLY GAY NOVEMBER OF 2019:

Then they perform together:

And...actually kiss...on the mouth on stage???

Sure it’s just a peck but still...if that were a guy people would say they were dating.  

Somehow kissing on the mouth isn’t the gayest thing these girls do over this period because these fucking dykes got matching tattoos.  I’ve read enough Larry blogs to know this actually means they’re secretly married.  All jokes aside this is fruity behavior. 

From their IG stories:

Selena gets Julia a very nice christmas gift:

Covid sets in and content drops off but god damn!  It’s possible they just had an intense friendship but if a man and a woman collabed on music together, kissed in public, and got matching tattoos everyone would say they were dating!

Selena, as far as I can find, didn’t have any public boyfriends around this time so who are some of these love songs about?

Rare comes out in January 2020 and perhaps has some gayish songs?

Don’t tell me why but boyfriend lowkey, has a gay vibe.  Don’t ask me to explain it but it’s just the musicality of it.

Crowded Room could be a love song for Julia?  (or by Julia for Selena, since they’re collaborators?)

Baby, it's just me and you Baby, it's just me and you Just us two Even in a crowded room Baby, it's just me and you, yeah

These are general gay vibes, our secret moments in a crowded room tease

It started polite, out on thin ice 'Til you came over to break it I threw you a line and you were mine

It would have started out polite between them, since they worked together for years before whatever 2019 was happened.  And throwing someone a line first of all makes Selena sound like the aggressor but also “throwing someone a line” could be a reference to writing songs together.

Yeah, I was afraid, but you made it safe I guess that is our combination Said you feel lost, well, so do I So won't you call me in the morning? I think that you should call me in the morning If you feel the same, 'cause

Lots of people are afraid at the beginning of a gay rs.  Treacherous tease 👀

In summation!

Selena does gay stuff like fantasizing ab kissing other women in her music, getting very touchy with famous dykes on vacay, hangs out with Taylor Swift, has chronic mental health issues, dated a jonas brother and a twilight gay, has admitted to questioning her sexuality, and loves being shipped with women.  Is she gay?  I don’t know!   But all she’s missing from her celesbian bingo card is a suspiciously intense friendship with a Glee Cast member! What do you guys think?  Selena fruity or just weird?

Edit to add: so apparently I missed an entire ship and Selena supposedly acted really gay all the time with her backup dancer Charity Baroni.  Exposing SMG has posted a lot about all that.

Also Selena has been cast in a gay role! edit to add: @bisluthq went and found this for me - julia is indeed a fruit queen