#but once again we come back to the same thing
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JUNO , spencer reid
pairing boyfriend!spencer x fem!reader
synopsis while babysitting henry for jj, spencerâs seeming disinterest with children starts to shift. this makes your mind wonder into unfamiliar territory you and spencer hadnât spoken of yet: kids.
genre talks of pregnancy and children (duh), very suggestive towards the end but no smut, this is very self indulgent since i canât get this song or spencer off my mind so here you go lol.
wc 2k?? (i got a little carried away)
âsorry for this being so last minute!" jj scrambled, passing henry over to you along with his diaper bag. the blonde ran a hand through her short hair, adjusting from where the two-year-old played with it upon their arrival.Â
âitâs all good, seriously. you know how much i love babysitting this cute thing.â you tickled henryâs side, making him squirm.Â
jjâs eyes averted to the figure behind you, pursing her lips. âyou sure heâs okay with this?â you turned your head, noticing spencer trying to look at the two of you without being noticed.Â
itâs not that spencer didnât like kids; itâs just hard to know how to talk to them when you were a child genius.Â
you turned back to jj, attempting to ease her worry. âheâll come around to it.â you shrugged, knowing that spencer would either sit and observe or fully engage. no in between.
after bidding your goodbyes, you walked over to spencer, taking a seat beside him on the couch. âso what should we do, little man?â you perched henry in your lap, resting your feet on the coffee table so he could sit against your perched thighs.Â
spencer looked at you as if he were the âlittle manâ in question. henry just babbled, throwing his arms around as you cooed. âwhat do we do with him?â spencer asked, leaning closer into your shoulder to inspect the baby in your lap.Â
you laughed at his seriousness, turning to look at your boyfriend. âhave you never been around a baby in your life or something?â you teased, lifting henry so he was closer to you both.
âdid you know that babies are born with about seventy reflexes? thatâs why when you place a baby on a surface to stand, they automatically start doing a stepping motion.â he spoke, watching henry kick his legs as you stood him on your lap. you looked over at him quizzically. âfor someone whoâs so awkward around babies, you sure do know a lot about them.âÂ
spencer flushed slightly, âi just havenât had the chance to be around any until now.â he nudges your shoulder before crossing his arms.Â
âwell, hereâs your chance.â you held henry out to spencer, which made him squirm and mumble yet again. âhold him while i go bring his bag in here.âÂ
he hesitated, looking between you and the baby as if this were a test. yet, despite the nervousness, he reached out, mimicking your position earlier. when you were content with how henry laid on spencerâs legs, you walked out of the room.
youâd be lying if you said you didnât purposely take your time collecting his things, wanting spencer to have some alone time with henry. finally satisfied with your departure, you peaked your head into the room, nearly melting at the sight.Â
the once stiff and nervous spencer you had left with henry was now replaced with a content, smiling one. his voice went up a few pitches as he responded to henryâs nonsense. âoh wow, really?â his lips were pulled into a smile as he played with him, letting henryâs small hand encase his slender fingers.Â
you couldnât help but let your head wander; how could you not? sure you thought about a future with spencer. a future where you were married and maybe with kids, but you had never brought it up being too nervous to scare spencer off.
but now watching him light up with henry in his lap, you wanted nothing more than for your daydreams to become reality.Â
âsomeone wants you back in here, i think.â you snapped out of your daze, focusing on the two sets of eyes staring at you. both holding the same smiles and wide eyes.Â
god, you swore you felt your ovaries jump.
âi see that you two are getting along now.â you placed henryâs diaper bag on the table, sitting yourself on the ground before laying out his blanket and a few toys. spencer joined you, placing henry on his stomach, then laid beside you, mirroring the babyâs position.Â
âwho are you and what did you do with my boyfriend?â you laughed, in awe of how much spencer had adjusted to the small being in just a matter of minutes.
he looked up at you as he shook a little plushie in front of henryâs face. âsorry to disappoint, but this is still your boyfriend,â spencer quipped before you pushed his head jokingly, messing up his hair in the process.Â
the sound of high-pitched squeals took both of your attentions away from one another. there henry lay, clapping his hands in favor of you and spencerâs playful fighting.Â
âyeah, you like when i show him whoâs boss, huh?â you caressed the soft skin of henryâs cheek, making him giggle. spencer sighed, âcome on, man, i thought we were really becoming friendsâ he exasperated, laying his head in his hands dramatically.
this only brought more squeals from the baby, making your cheeks almost grow sore from how hard you were smiling.Â
âawe spence, itâs okay.â you egged on your act by petting his hair back into place. this caused your boyfriend to lift his head; a big pout on his lips made yours perk up.Â
with your attention being taken away from henry by spencerâs rare expression, you hadnât noticed the stuffed animal caught between the babyâs hands. before you could do anything, the small bear was chucked into spencerâs face, causing an uproar of noises from henry.
âiâm starting to question this whole babysitting thing.â spencer winced, looking at you as you laughed along with henry.Â
Â
despite the teasing from earlier, spencer continued to be enamored with henry. him even insisting he help feed and change him when time came.
the whole ordeal feeling so domestic, apart of you wished jj could have spent a couple more days for her and will in favor of you seeing spencer like this for longer.
âthank you, again for taking care of him.â jj propped her hip against the counter as she fumbled for her phone out of her purse.
âof course, it really was no problem.â you turned at the sound of spencerâs soft voice, thanking henry for âhelpingâ him clean.
âhonestly, i think someone enjoyed this a bit more than we thought.â you gestured at spencer as he settled henry on his hip, the baby grasping onto his button-up shirt.Â
your whole body ran hot at sight. spencer looked really good as a pretend dad.Â
âno kidding, the team is going to flip when i show them the pictures you took of them.â she glanced at her phone, noting the off-guard photos you stole of spencer and henry.Â
one was of him feeding him as he walked around the living room, another of him explaining some of the books organized on his shelves in a very formal fashion despite henryâs lack of knowledge, and finally one of them eye-to-eye playing on the floor with various toys.Â
your heart swelled looking back at them, the questions you had been so careful not to ask begging to be verbalized.Â
before you could sink any further, spencer came over, handing jj henry and his bag almost reluctantly. noticing the time, jj was quick to leave in order to keep the babyâs sleeping schedule on track but thanked you guys repeatedly before finally closing the door.Â
clicking the lock shut, you mentally prepared yourself for the words about to come out of your mouth.Â
âyou had more fun than you bargained for, didnât you?â you met spencer on the couch, him reaching out to pull your legs over his, making your heart leap.Â
âi did, actually.â spencer began smoothing his hands up and down your calf before continuing. âhonestly when you mentioned henry coming over, i was a little- i donât know scared? i just didnât want to disappoint him or you.â he bit his lip like he was stopping himself from letting the whole truth out.Â
âoh spence, you were perfect. honestly, iâm very proud of you.â you reached out, caressing the side of his face, causing him to look at you.Â
he noticed your wondering eyes, waiting for you to continue. âactually i umâŠâ you shifted pulling your legs under yourself so you could sit up.Â
breathing in deeply, you continued, âtoday kind of got me thinking about us and our future.â spencer was looking at you with such admiration that you had fixed your gaze on your hands.
âi know we havenât really brought it up before, but seeing you and henry today had me-âÂ
before you could finish, spencerâs lips were pressed against yours, resulting in a shocked gasp from you. he kissed you, mumbling words each time his lips parted to take yours in again.Â
âi want that, i really do.â he breathed, finally separating from you for just a moment.Â
âyou want what, spence?â you were in shock, to be honest, knowing what he meant but wanting to hear him say it word for word.Â
without another word, he positioned you in his lap, legs straddling his own. âi want a family with you. i want a sliver of what we had today to become ours one day.â his eyes didnât break from yours, his pupils blown wide and sparkly.
for the thousandth time that day, you had to bite back a smile. âyou mean that?â you questioned, one hand coming to comb through his hair and the other resting on his neck.Â
he kissed your cheek, forehead, nose, and finally your lips before he spoke. âevery single one. i mean, one of you is cute.â he cupped your cheek as he spoke. âbut two though? thatâs something.â he finished, smirking at you.Â
you couldnât contain your happiness, crashing his lips to yours again feverishly. even though you knew the both of you were in no place to have a kid now, there was no harm in playing with the fantasy for now.Â
even if the real thing wouldnât come to be for a good few years.
spencer pulled you flush against him, one his hands leaving your hips to trail up your spine and settle onto the back of your neck. a moan slipped past your lips as goosebumps erupted on your skin.Â
you pulled on his shirt, hinting at where this was going as if it werenât obvious to the man beneath you. he looked up at you, kissing you once more before dragging you to your shared bed.Â
your blouse and shorts were off before your back hit the sheets, spencer still standing ahead of you unbuttoning his work shirt.Â
you sat up on your knees, crawling to the edge of the bed to take over. after each undone button, you kissed his skin, making him gasp as his fingers raked through your hair.Â
pulling his shirt all the way off, you made your way to his pants, pulling him closer by his belt loop. you bit your lip, noticing the gears turning in his head.
âyou know statistics say missionary or doggy are the best positions to get pregnant in.â spencer let out in shallow breaths as his belt clinked on the floor.Â
âoh, yeah and why is that genius?â you leaned back on your elbows while spencer finished removing himself of his pants. he took you in, the tiny pink bow on your underwear made spencer rethink his crude response.Â
âdeeper penetration,â he said almost too smoothly, making you laugh. it was hard to take statistics seriously when you were both nearly naked.Â
before he could settle above you, you shimmied up the bed. ridding yourself of the rest of your clothes, you positioned yourself on your hands. looking over your shoulder, you saw the way spencerâs eyes widened in shock.
âhave you ever tried this one?â
my first spencer fic omg. lowk crazy because iâve been obsessed with this man since the ripe age of 12 but here we are. will probably be writing a lot more of him since im rewatching cm at the moment so stay tuned! request box is always open <333
#spencer reid#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x you#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid fic#spencer reid x fem!reader#criminal minds#criminal minds fanfiction
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Practice makes perfect | Leah Williamson x Reader
Where you and Leah practised kissing each other to prepare for kissing boys, but you quickly realise that after that you don't want to kiss anyone but her
Woso masterlist | Words: 2.5k
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As the only two girls on the boys' team growing up, you and Leah clicked right away. Football brought you together, but it was everything else about her that kept you close. Not many people had stuck around in your life the way Leah had. From meeting at six years old to now, a decade later, she was still your best friend.
The football dream was becoming reality for the both of you. The young Lionesses and Arsenal Academy were where you spend most of your time besides school or each otherâs houses. The two of you were inseparable and everyone knew it. Where you went Leah went, and visa versa.
âRemember when we were like twelve and we practised kissing?â Leah asks you out of nowhere while youâre sitting in her bed and playing video games. You think back to the moment.
It was a similar situation to this one, you were having a sleepover and had just finished watching a romcom. âHow do you know if youâre gonna be a good kisser if youâve never kissed someone before?â Leah asked with a voice filled with curiosity.Â
âI have no clue. Why donât they show those parts in the movies?â You turned off the tv and pulled the covers further over your body. âExactly! Like when I kiss a guy for the first time, I want to make sure that like I can kiss him properly, you know?âÂ
You nodded, understanding her concerns. âWhat if we practised kissing together? Then we can tell each other if weâre any good.â Leah loved your idea and instantly sat up in bed again. âYou are brilliant!âÂ
She made you sit up as well and once you did she double checked if it was okay. When you nodded in confirmation, she leaned in and pecked your lips. âHow did I do?â She instantly asked. âGood I think, what about me?â She smiled proudly, âNice, you as well.âÂ
You had practised a couple more times that night, and when you both liked boys, you had practised some more so that the first kisses you would have with them would be perfect.
âYeah, I remember.â In the meantime Leah had paused the game to fully focus on the conversation she wanted to have. âI was wondering if maybe we could practise something again.â
âWhat do you want to practise?â You asked to urge her to go on. âWell, I heard from some girls in our class that theyâve been making out with their boyfriends, and they talked about how it goes and everything, but even with that information I donât feel even remotely ready to just make out with a guy. So, I thought that maybe, if youâre up for it of course, we could practise like we did before?â
Even with the introduction Leah gave, her question still caught you off guard. Leahâs hopeful eyes were hard to ignore while you thought about her question. âJust so we donât totally embarrass ourselves when the time comes.â
"Yeah, exactly! I donât want to make things weird between us though, you can totally say no.â She quickly added. âItâs not weird.â you said shifting to sitting cross-legged, facing Leah, on her bed. âWeâre just practising.â
Leahâs face lit up with relief, âExactly, Just practising.â She turned to sit cross-legged as well. She told you how your classmates had described making out, so you were both on the same page.Â
âSo, eh,â you cleared your throat, âdo we just go for it?â Leah let out a nervous laugh, âI guess so?â You nodded, which Leah took as her sign to start leaning in. She inched closer slowly, until her lips brushed yours.Â
At first she just pecked your lips like you had practised before. Your heart started beating faster, but you didnât understand why. Her soft, warm lips on yours felt familiar, yet somehow different. âStill okay?â She asked to make sure you wanted to do this as well. âYeah.â
You leaned in this time and let your lips move in sync with hers. Your heart thudded loudly in your chest as Leah reached out her hand and cupped your cheek to pull you a little closer.Â
When she pulled back after a few moments, her eyes searched yours. âHow was that?âÂ
Your brain felt like it was running a million miles an hour, and you were scrambling to find words. âGood.â You managed finally. âWhat about me?â Leahâs lips quirked into that proud smile she had done last time, âGood too.âÂ
A feeling came over you that you had never felt before, you couldnât quite place it, but before you could overthink it, Leah was leaning in again. âPractice makes perfect, right?â she said softly, and when you didnât move away, her lips were on yours again.
That night while Leah slept soundly besides you, your mind wouldnât stop racing. Trying to make sense of what you were feeling.Â
It wasnât until a few weeks later when you saw Leah kiss a boy in your class, that you realised what was happening. The moment you saw the two of them together, you felt a pang of jealousy. All you knew in that moment was that you werenât jealous of Leah in that moment, but you were jealous of him.Â
You turned on your heels and got away from the situation as quickly as possible. Of course, you headed straight over to the football field. The one place where everything felt right. You mustâve spent hours kicking a ball around until your parentâs called asking when youâd be home. âNo Leah tonight?â Your mom had asked when you walked in, seemingly without the blonde by your side. You hadnât even thought about it, but usually Leah would join you on Fridays. âEh, no not tonight.â You say quickly. âDo I have time for a quick shower?â Your mom nodded and you rushed to your room.Â
You checked your phone and sure enough you had a bunch of messages from Leah. The last one read I hope everything is alright. Couldnât find you at school so I headed home. Please text me back!
You didnât text Leah back that night, or the next morning. It wasnât that you were mad at her, of course you werenât, you didnât think you ever could be, but you just didnât know what to say. Every time you thought about her, you saw that boyâs lips on hers. Every time you saw it play back in your mind, it made your chest ache.
But Leah was Leah. Persistent, stubborn, and your best friend. So, it didnât take her long to just show up at your house unannounced.Â
âYouâve been avoiding me.â She stated from your doorframe, after your dad had let her in. She found you laying on the floor with one of your textbooks in front of you, trying to bury yourself into your homework. âWhatâs going on?âÂ
You glanced at her and then quickly focused back on your textbook. âNothing.â Leah shook her head and stepped inside, closing the door behind her. âLiar.â She sighed, âDid I do something wrong?â
âNo!â You said a little too quickly and defensive for Leah to believe it. She crossed her arms and leaned against your door, studying you like she was trying to solve a puzzle. âI just need some space.â You said softly, unable to meet her eye.
âSince when do we do space?â Her voice softened. She walked further into your room and sat down on the edge of your bed. âCome on, talk to me.â
You wanted to. You wanted to tell her everything. You always told Leah everything, but how could you tell her about your feelings? How could you tell her that you were jealous of a guy she kissed? Talk about the way your heart raced when you made eye contact with her?Â
âIâm fine, Lee.â You forced a smile, but it didnât quite reach your eyes and Leah could tell. You saw that she was fighting her inner monologue to press further, her lips parting like she was about to. Before she could say anything, your mother yelled upstairs, âLeah, honey, are you staying for dinner?â
Leah turned to you, âDo you want me to go?â You shake your head, âNo, itâs okay. You can stay.â She opened the door and told your mom she would love to before turning back to you. âIâm gonna help her with dinner, you know, so you can have some more space.â This time you noticed her smile not fully reaching her eyes, but before you could say anything, she had already closed the door behind herself.
You stopped ignoring Leah, because you knew she would just find a way in, but that didnât mean that your interactions were any less awkward, well at least for you. From Leahâs side it seemed like nothing had happened, while you questioned every interaction you had with her.
When she laughed at your jokes, or let her hand linger on your arm or leg, everything made your skin feel like it was on fire.
A few weeks later Leah was picking out her prom outfit with her mom. She had tried on a bunch of dresses, but none of them seemed to be what she was looking for. Today was the last chance of finding something, since prom was literally tonight. So, Amanda was determined to spend the whole morning driving from store to store until they found something.
It was the third store of the morning where Leahâs eyes fell on a baby blue suit, and she knew instantly that that was going to be the one. Her mom encouraged her to put it on, and the smile on her daughterâs face was exactly the reason why she had.
âThis is going to be the one!â Leah said as she admired the suit in the mirror. âItâs lovely Leah Cathrine.â Leah smiled big, âThank you.â After paying for the clothes, the pair headed back to the car.
âOh mom, I wanted to ask if you could drive y/n and me tonight.â Her momâs brow furrowed. âDarling of course I would, but I thought y/n wasnât going?â Leah looks at her mom as if she was crazy. âWhat makes you think that?â
âOh well, because thatâs what she said yesterday. She said she wasnât really feeling up to going.â Leah didnât understand, you hadnât told her anything. âBut she was so excited about it and had her outfit picked out like months ago already. Do you know why she isnât going?â
Amanda shakes her head, âI donât know.â Leah was quick to respond. âYou didnât push further?â Amanda chuckles lightly, âNo, thatâs more your thing, darling.â
Leah sat back in the seat and crossed her arm, going over what she could do. âCan you drive me to her place tonight?â She nodded, âSure, darling.â
You were watching a movie in your sweats when you heard a knock on the door. When you opened the door, Leah stood in front of you with a small bouquet of flowers. âWhat are you doing here? Arenât you supposed to be at prom?â
âI could ask you the same thing.â Leah shoots back instantly. âIâm not going Lee, you should still go though. Iâm sure your boyfriend would like you to be there.â
âBoyfriend?â Leah steps inside and closes the door behind her. âWhat are you talking about? I donât have a boyfriend.â You shrug your shoulders, âI saw you and Steve kiss, figured you two were together.â
âOh no definitely not.â Leah said defensively, âHe kissed me, and I told him that I wasnât interested.â You searched her eyes for anything to prove what she was saying wrong, but she seemed sincere. âOh.â
âSo, come to prom with me?â Leah said, holding out the bouquet to you. âSorry, Lee, I canât.â She retracted the flowers reluctantly. âWhy not?â
Her question hung in the air. Again you wanted to tell her, but you just couldnât. âI just canât, please drop it.â But Leah was Leah and there wasnât any scenario in which she would drop this. âI wonât drop it. Youâve been excited about your outfit, the music, the pictures. Youâve been talking about prom non-stop for months and now youâre here in sweats not going. Please just tell me whatâs going on. If I did something, let me in and let me fix it.â Her plea sounded desperate.
âYou didnât do anything wrong, and there is nothing you can fix.â You sighed in frustration, wishing she would just drop it. âDid someone else do something? Please just tell me whatâs going on.â
âFine, okay, Iâll tell you.â Leah focussed on you instantly, not having expected you to break so soon. âI canât go to prom with you because ever since we practised making out, all I can think about is wanting to kiss you again.âÂ
Your eyes were looking anywhere but Leah, not ready to see the way she would react to that confession. âPlease look at me.â She slowly reached up her hand to your cheek to turn your head to face her. You expected anger, disgust, or even hurt in her eyes, but instead you were met with softness.Â
âYou know the reason I told Steve I wasnât interested?â You shook your head. âItâs because after he kissed me, I felt nothing. Which was a stark opposite to how I felt when we kissed. I swear it was just practise when I asked you, but I think that was exactly what I needed to realise my feelings for you.â Leah confessed.Â
You stare at her for a moment, taking in the confession. She liked you the same way that you liked her? The corners of your lips slowly rose as it was all coming together in your head. And then without hesitation, you lean in and kiss her for real this time. She kissed you back instantly, and pulled you closer like she had done last time. It felt even better than your time practising, now knowing your feelings for each other.
When Leah pulled away, she leaned her forehead against yours. âSo, prom?â Your smile grew. âYes, just let me get changed.âÂ
You rushed to your room and quickly got ready. âWow, you look amazing!â Leah said as you walked back downstairs. âSo do you!â You pecked her lips appreciatively. She took your hand and pulled you out the door where her mom was still waiting in the driveway. âReady to go to prom, girls?â She knew by your happy faces that whatever was going on between the two of you these past weeks, was resolved. âYeah, more than ready.â You said and Leah squeezed your hand. âYeah, letâs go.â
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"You're kidding. That's what you're upset about?"
"Wha'd'you mean, of course it is??? How am I not supposed to freak out when I can't even remember who I am!"
"Dude... You seriously think that face is 'you'?"
"What?"
"No, hey. I'm not saying it wasn't the OG, I'm not trying to spring any secret backstory on you or anything. Just... You're you, man, as much as I'm me."
"What are you talking about??"
"This is you. And the dog that stole my lunch yesterday was you. And the crow in these photos, and the harpy form you made for Halloween, and the mice you hide as every time your mom wants to drag you to a boring function. Yes I know about that, not the point right now. Like... It's always you, man. You're not the same as you were yesterday, or last year, or when we were 5, and neither am I. My body changes less than yours, but to be alive at all is to endlessly change."
"I... But..."
"I get it. I swear, even if it's not quite the same, I do. It's scary when you can't go back. When you'll never see that house again, never talk to those friends again, when you can't go back to before you got that injury or before you learned things you never wanted to know. You have to worry about what shape your bones are and whether or not you have scales today, and I've never had to think about that. I have to worry about my body scarring and breaking down, and you can always discard anything that doesn't suit you. It's different, but it comes from the same place. Everything changes, even us, and we have so little control, and that's scary."
"Huh... I guess so. But there's still... Everyone expects your changes, you know...?"
"Right... Yeah, that's fair... You've got me and your mom and a few people who know, but it's probably not safe to tell just everyone. Still... You don't have to become exactly what you were before. Let's take it slow, okay? I'll sit with you. Maybe you'll remember once you calm down and get some momentum, but if you don't, we'll take it one step at a time. We'll work out something close enough. Push comes to shove, we'll tell everyone you got plastic surgery or something."
"Not funny-"
"Sorry, sorry. But really. We'll figure something out. It might not be easy. Change rarely is, and sometimes it uproots our whole lives, and there's nothing we can really do but figure out how to live with it. But no matter how this plays out, I don't want to hear any worries about 'who you are'. I understand if you look 'too' different, it can have consequences, and those do matter. But despite that, no matter what you look like, you're still my best friend. Got it? You'll always still be you."
Your friend, a shapeshifter (a secret you've kept since childhood) hasn't answered your texts in days, so you head to their home. Upon arriving, you find that they're in the middle of an existential crisis; they can't remember how to turn back into their original, human form.
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Alain Prost's praise for the champion who has become his equal
If he wasn't initially keen to talk, it wasn't because he didn't want to share his place on the list of four-time F1 world champions (with Sebastian Vettel), but because he didn't have the time. Alain Prost really likes Max Verstappen and has never been reluctant to speak highly of the Dutch driver for L'Ăquipe. The French world champion finally agreed to give us his analysis of his 27-year-old counterpart last Sunday. Thirty minutes of Zoom interview that demonstrate the esteem, even admiration, of the 69-year-old former driver for Verstappen.
Having Verstappen as a neighbor on the prize list. Does that mean anything to you?
Yes, sincerely. I am pleased to be in such good company. Because there are only three of us with four titles, but I remember when Michael joined me and when Lewis came through. I will not forget that Fangio was the first driver to win four crowns (the Argentinian champion was crowned a fifth time). All the same, we're among a handful of names who, without sounding presumptuous (he reflects), are out of the ordinary. We're part of history. To be a four-time world champion is a kind of pride. And Max, looking back on his career, can be proud of it. He hasn't stolen any of his crowns. You can have a bit of luck, like me in 1986, but you have to know how to provoke it and then seize it. Max is not missing anything. I remember that in 2016 during his first victory I was commentating for Canal and I promised him a bright future. He didn't disappoint me. What he's already achieved is really impressive. Verstappen is clearly unique. He is not just anyone, whether it's his personality, his character or his commitment. You can love him or hate him, but he certainly doesn't leave you indifferent. Like many great champions, he's atypical.
This crown, do you think it was the hardest for him to win?
Only he can say. I don't know what his car was really worth. (He reflects.) And then we mustn't forget that highly controversial title in 2021. It's still very difficult to have an objective analysis. Frankly, both of them (Hamilton and Verstappen) deserved the title for the whole season. It was Max who won it in the conditions we all know. It was his first crown, and once again he went out and won it. It's always difficult to win your first crown. In fact, I remember very well what I said that evening in Abu Dhabi: from now on we'll see the real Verstappen. And we've seen him since then (he smiles). He's freed himself. He's erased his little mistakes and his impatience. He's become very, very strong. Coming back to this year, he's had to fight hard and I think he's shown some very fine things. A lot of confidence, a lot of serenity. Even when he complains, but he has always done it, he did it with less annoyance. That's the mark of a more accomplished champion.
You describe an extraordinary champion. Does he have any weaknesses?
At the moment, it's hard to find any. I don't know what he'll do in the future, but even in terms of communication, with all the rumours with Mercedes and the worries with Red Bull, I've found him to be very solid⊠He's good on all terrains. He's a very tough driver on the track, but you can't see that as a weakness.
So he'll be unbeatable next year?
Well, next year is another debate. It will be a rather special year, the last with the current ground-effect car. We've already seen a tightening of performance between different teams. Max's strength is that, in certain races, he can make the difference all by himself. And that's a big advantage for a team, and of course for the Championship. So I'd still put him as favourite next year, but now the other teams know that Red Bull is beatable.
When Vettel won his fourth crown, you were delighted because you felt he was very close to you in terms of personality. Do you think Verstappen is more on the side of Ayrton Senna?
Max has a lot in common with Ayrton, especially at the start of their careers. Today, a little less so. He has his own way of being. He's always followed his own idea, in his own way. That's why, when you get to know him a little, I think he's close to Seb or me. These are things I like about him. On the track, I find him very respectful.
Very respectful?
Yes, in his own way. He's not a cheater. You're going to talk to me about track limits. But it's the way he drives; it's an education. For him, it's the norm. The best proof is that when he's penalized, he accepts it. As always, he goes as far as he can.
Hamilton fought against Alonso or Nico Rosberg, you against Senna. Do you think he lacks high-level opponents to climb even higher in the collective imagination?
Nowadays, it's the rule not to have two drivers of the same level in a team. But Max has had to deal with Ricciardo, Gasly and Perez. After all, they're not just heats! We're talking about Grand Prix winners. You're talking about his popularity. The good thing about Max is that he's free. He doesn't cheat: he's just the way he is, following his thing. Tomorrow, he could tell you that in a month's time he's quitting, and nobody would be surprised! That's him and that's his thing. He certainly cares much less about the image he may have than many other drivers. But I think he'll be remembered as an incredibly talented driver. Very tough, of course, but his four titles are totally deserved and he's right up there at the top.
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xvi  âč àŁȘ Ë  L is for WeezerÂ
Series mlistÂ
Tags â possibly offensive humour, mentions of self hatred, lwk angst I fearÂ
Words â 1kÂ
Megumi had tossed his phone haphazardly to the other side of his bed, falling back onto the pillow and staring at the ceiling. He felt so utterly stupid. Nobara was right, honestly. He couldnât just give up, just back away every single time he felt exposed, every time he felt as if a deeper layer of him was being shown. It scared him more than anything, to allow you to see those parts of him knowing you might not react the way he hoped. With the reveal of the vulnerable parts also came the risk of being harmed, hence why he was so guarded. He found himself converting every emotion into anger, bubbling and bursting like a geyser when the time came. Worst of all, heâd let that time be with you. He wasnât angry at you, not in the least. He could never be angry at you.Â
He was angry at Kamo for swooping in just when things felt right, he was angry at Nobara for bringing that on in the first place, and most of all, he was angry at himself. Heâd pushed you away out of fear that his emotions were too much to bare, and now it had been two weeks since the two of you had shared a good conversation. He hated it. It was all his fault.Â
You couldnât ever love him. He couldnât even love him, he hated him. It was only natural that youâd do the same, after all, you seemed to be rather parallel. Always in the same direction, never meeting. He just wished it wasnât that way, he wished loving you wasnât so scary and that at the very least, he could man up and admit it. Heâd never been a forward man. Instead he pushed you away and treated you like an asshole. When you called him out he couldnât even argue because everything you said was true. Every word, every bit of it, except for the implication that youâd done something wrong.Â
Fuck, he felt like a middle schooler again. Living through university with you was just as heart wrenching, just as terrible. Yet again he found himself doing the wrong thing at the wrong time, every aspect of his life scrambled simply because you liked another boy. Heâd never cared much for life, never found much purpose in his own, except for you. You⊠you were everything.Â
âFushiguro, get up, man!â came a voice from the doorway, along with a jacket being tossed at him, which he swatted away without a second thought. Yuji had been at it all week, trying to make Megumi get outside for reasons other than classes.Â
âScrew off.âÂ
Yuji suppressed a groan, tossing his head back in exasperation. âTodoâs frat is having a party tomorrow. Youâre going.âÂ
Megumiâs face pulled up into a scowl, disgust painting his features. A party, seriously? Did Yuji even know him? âNo, Iâm not.âÂ
âYou are,â Yuji pushed. He let out a soft sigh, voice coming out a little softer when he continued. âPlease. Just once. Everyoneâs getting worried.âÂ
Megumi felt a pang of something in his chest. Guilt? Maybe. Compassion? Possibly. He let out an annoyed huff, similar to what your parents do when you beg for something before asking you to grab their wallet. ââŠfine. Just once.âÂ
Yuji grinned proudly, internally fist pumping. âYes! Okay, weâll go tomorrow night at ten.âÂ
âHmph. âKay.âÂ
Meanwhile, you were having a similar conversation, though with far more pestering and far more people.Â
Toge was sprawled out on the carpet beside your bed, right next to Panda, whose circumference took up nearly half of the floors area. Maki was perched on her bed, Yuta standing idly at the bottom of it. Nobara, who had basically moved into your dorm by now, was sat at the bottom of yours.Â
âYouâre coming.â
âNo.âÂ
âPlease?â
âNo.âÂ
âPlease?â they simultaneously whined, except for Maki, who instead stared at you as if to tell you the choice wasnât yours to make.Â
You slumped against the wall your bed was pushed against, grumbling under your breath. âOh my gosh, why? I donât want to.âÂ
âYou should get out, [name]. Iâm concerned for youâwe all are,â Yuta said, his gentle voice chipping away at your resolve. Screw nice boys and their soft spoken voices, and screw him for being your friend.Â
âThink about it,â Nobara said, propping herself up on one arm. âIf you look really hot, itâs revenge.âÂ
You rolled your eyes. âI donât have much thatâs âhotâ in my closet, anyway,â you whined.Â
âYouâre saying that to a shopping addict. Thatâs music to her ears,â Maki called from across the room. Well, she wasnât wrong. Nobara seemed to be jittering with excitement simply from hearing it, already picturing the next trip to the mall in her mind.Â
You mulled over it for a moment. There were both pros and cons included if you decided to agree. Pros: confidence boost, fun, quality time, happy friends. Cons: Megumi and Kamo were both likely to be there, considering (though Kamo more directly) they were both linked to Todo. It came down to the choice not of whether to go or not, but of whether youâd let a silly fight force you to be cooped up in your room wallowing in self pity, or if youâd push through. That realization alone was enough to force a nod from your head, a breath of air leaving your lips.Â
âOkay, okay. Iâll be there.âÂ
Nobara, as well as the others, all lit up. Toge grinned at you from the floor, proud as if heâd done anything anyway.Â
âWe have to go shopping!â Nobara said. You agreed with a soft laugh and a hesitant nod, blissfully unaware of the events that awaited you.Â
Taglist !ÂĄ â
@1l-ynn @meowymeowbreow @missunrise @kiss-my-asscheeks @starrysho @good-mourning0 @gumims @beaniesayshi @mrowwww @luvvmae @megumislovedoll @azharyy @starsryi @tibibibi123 @idkidk32 @dazaisfavgf @tlissablr @vi0let-writes @walllflowerrrsss @sh0ot1ngst4r @blubearxy @tvnamayo @san-it-is-i-guess @harryzcherry @withlovesai
(Crossed out name means I canât tag u!)
Megumi will forever be referred to as Firkle Smith Last name oooo⊠canât listen to music so im miserable. You must be as well giggles this was kinda lazy but wtvvvv its okayyyy idk when to release the Yuji fic erm ill probably just wait for bttoh to be over and then post it we shall seeâŠ
#jjk#jjk megumi#jujutsu kaisen#megumi fushiguro x reader#jjk x reader#jjk smau#megumi fushiguro#megumi x reader#fushiguro megumi#fushiguro x reader
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Endeavor Deserves No Sympathy!
I don't understand how anyone can think Endeavor was ever a good dad. It also always comes off as incredibly victim blamie, especially towards Touya, and often Shoto too.
He literally only got married and had kids to use them. He never gave a shit about their well being, never even thought about it until he had the one thing he cared about and was still miserable. I've already gone over the math proving he gave up on achieving his dream himself at 21 at the absolute latest. (https://www.tumblr.com/arceus-insanity/763259515356512256/i-liked-endeavors-character-when-he-was?source=share)
And basic math will once again be used to prove just how little this waste of flesh actually tries.
This time the focus is on how quickly he abandoned Touya and immediately went to emotional abuse via neglect & literally replacing him, and once again risking that more children be born with self-destructive quirks.
For context we only see Endeavor doing anything with his kids that's not him literally walking through and ignoring them in two circumstances. Once when Fuyumi's a newborn and Touya is attempting to crawl (not walk) over to her. And training. Those are the only times he tries to spend with any of them, even after he starts his 'atonement'
Now comparing Touya in the scene of them training and himself as a toddler and all the child imagery this series loves to use instead of actually saving imperfect victims, Touya is at least 3 (probably closer to 4) when he's taken to the doctor and they are informed of his condition
Natsuo is 4 and a half years younger than him.
We know for a fact Natsuo (& Shoto) was conceived after they got the news, not willingly either. Pregnancy takes 40 weeks average, so Touya would still be 3 when Natsuo was conceived. So once again it took this 'man' less than a year to give up and have another child he hoped to use as a tool, and was explicitly making to hurt his existing son. And as I have said plenty of times before, risking that the new kids could be born with the same disorder, I hate how convenient it is that Shoto gets near zero negative quirk side effects.
Want to know what we never see, Endeavor doing something else with Touya and Touya demanding training, it's always him walking past/ away from Touya. Considering all of the shit they've pulled to soften Endeavor's abuse both in the manga and even more so in the anime, they wouldn't skip something like this. It's not hard to tell that Touya's 'obsession with training' is really about spending time with his dad, you know like a human child that literally needs love, proven by numerous studies and research in the real world.
He throws all parenting responsibilities onto Rei, adds more children to that load, and when Touya suffers for it (like everyone else) he does nothing, doesn't even hire a nanny
Another are you kidding me take I've seen is that somehow Touya's quirk issues are worse than Midoriya's and Yuga's. Touya managed to train his quirk to produce blue fire at 13 with zero equipment and less than no help, and only lost control of it, because of the mental abuse Endeavor had inflicted on him leading him to a mental breakdown. And/ or the theory I've only seen once of AFO using his ability to force quirk activation (seen with a passed out chapter 90 during his first confrontation with All Might)
Midoriya was breaking his bones all the way into the Shie Hassaikai arc and was only able to fight because Eri and was breaking support equipment in the following arc as well. Yuga had a support belt all the way back in the entrance exam and was still struggling with that.
Speaking of Yuga let's compare parental effort here, because as much as it backfired Yuga's parents tried a whole lot more. For starters they nearly bankrupted themselves to get him a quirk, so he could feel equal. All For One is a mythic man prior to his arrest, and those who knew of him were shown to be serious long-term villain groups, so they had gone to quite a bit of effort to find that he existed to begin with. They also got him support gear (the navel belt thing) as a kid to help him with said quirk, he literally had it in the entrance exam. Endeavor never looked into that, Endeavor is not only rich too but he's a top hero he would have direct access to support equipment companies that would jump at the opportunity and it never even occurred to him.
Endeavor's name is an irony as endeavour means to try hard to do or achieve something. He never tries hard he gives up incredibly quickly the second there's any road block, but instead of moving on he makes everyone suffer for it. He's a toxic pageant mom who'd rather force their child into a toxic world and a role they don't want than work on himself
And what finally makes him change? Getting exactly what he wanted and still being miserable, and he still expects through his actions his family to cater to him.
Not his son getting a major disability due to his actions, no, he decided to double down, mentally abusing and neglecting the son he supposedly loves, raping his wife who didn't want more kids or participate in this abuse, and again risking that Natsuo & later Shoto might have that same issue. Not when his wife breaks down and permanently scars his precious masterpiece, who proceeds to rightfully blame him, and he just thinks of it as a tantrum despite it lasting a fucking decade. Not when his eldest literally dies as the result of his selfishness. Not literally during any part of this entire process!
Dabi is 23 when Endeavor finally starts to 'try' to be better, that means that for at least 24 years he has only been caring about his fucking precious number one spot in a popularity contest that he couldn't even bother to try to be likeable for, this wasn't one bad decision, this was him constantly choosing to be so insanely selfish that he found ways that shouldn't even be possible for over two decades. And it was all him.
#bnha#bnha critical#mha#mha critical#bnha meta#my hero academia#mha meta#anti endeavor#boku no hero academia#anti enji todoroki#rei todoroki deserves better#dabi deserves better#shoto todoroki deserves better#fuyumi todoroki decerves better#natsuo todoroki deserves better
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đâđšCiphertology & The Dixonsđâđš
SoooooâŠEmma Mayâs family was involved in a cult, right? Let me elaborate. As a fellow creative I have been known on many occasions to forget details big and small about my own world, but names? No, names are never something I tend to duplicate unless for a very specific thematic or world building reason. So color me stoked when I was curiously learning about Billâs cult arc in the 1950âs and found one of his first followers was a young girl with the surname, you guessed it, Dixon!!
Considering Alex Hirsch is very purposeful with things and little hints, while also leaving the audience to figure things out for themselves while he sits back and laughs, I canât help but feel the surname Dixon is a bit TOO coincidental in this instance. From what we see, Ciphertology and the followers were a mash of a bunch of real life cult references while doing the usual Hirsch thing of filtering Bill into a concept perfectly well.
All in all itâs a very interesting thing, but what I found more interesting were the people involved. Sure you have the puppet leader, Silas Birchtree and a bunch of other out there names, but amongst sits a simple âMadeline DixonââŠ.. Alex Hirsch Iâm going to screAM :D
From what we learn, after the cult is forcibly disbanded by the US government and every trace of the town is wiped off of maps and history books, the people are spread throughout the country and given opportunities to start life over again. Not everyone followed that however and some continued to follow the Bill Cipher cult. And honestly I canât help finding myself bouncing back to the very concept that is-
What if Emma May Dixon grew up in a recovering cult family? What if her family still believed in the cults teachings like some and practiced it in secret at home? And if that is true how am I meant to feel towards the idea that her future husband, Fiddleford McGucket, would become a cult leader himself all because of the very thing that was the foundation of her own cultish upbringing?
Honestly if thatâs what Alex was shooting for, Iâm calling him a genius cause thatâs such a fascinating idea to work with. The concept that Bill has personally affected and rooted himself so deeply into the show and itâs characters that even those we donât get to see still have dealt with him to some degree.
It just all feels too perfect too. The surname Dixon implies enough, thanks to Alexâs upfront and to the point naming, that Emma May too is a southerner like her husband. Or at the very least sheâs in that farmy side of the country. And where did Ciphertology come from? Orchard Lake, Kansas. Madeline Dixon very well could be Emma Mayâs aunt or older sister considering the cult began in 1952. And assuming Emâs the same age as Fiddleford and the Stan twins then we can assume vaaaaageuly that sheâd be born in 1955. Meaning sheâd be either growing up in that recovering environment or indoctrinated into it.
We can assume well enough then that she didnât follow the cults teachings considering she seems well adjusted with her family, living in Palo Alto, but it also kinda reaffirms why sheâd be so quick to throw divorce on the table once she sees Fiddlefordâs memory wiped condition. That on top of we can only assume his behavior was alarming and erratic and a far cry from the personality of her husband that she was used to (especially when you consider bRO made a homicidal pterodactyl robot because he was so distraught and upset towards the idea of being divorced..like yeah man..that might solidify her decision my guy..)
But if she ever saw the symbol of Billâs eye or anything in relation to him anywhere in Gravity Falls?? Especially the Society of the Blind eye symbol spray painted all over? After either learning to fear Bill or worship him in her upbringing depending on what their family did after the cult was disbanded? I wouldnât blame her for high tailing it out of there and worrying for her and her sons life- (Fiddleford..Emma May..I am your biggest fans, but yâall have me bonkers sometimes) But also consider how most ex cult members naturally want to give the very opposite traumatic life that they lived to their child? If Emma May were to see semblances of what she relates to Ciphertology in Gravity Falls, I donât have a hard time believing she was getting tF out of there for the sake of Tateâs well being & future
In short- hi, I now believe Emma Mayâs family was in a cult and the very idea of that will ruminate with me for awhile :D But also double hi?? Madeline DIxon looks vaguely similar to how I envisioned and draw my Emma May design? Coincidence, I think nOT :P
#gravity falls#the book of bill#book of bill#gravity falls fandom#emma may dixon#fiddleford mcgucket#ford pines#standford pines#mystery trio#gravity falls theory#gravity falls thoughts#ciphertology#bill cipher
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'You were important'
Sirius Black x Fem!Slytherin!reader
9.5k words
cw: Minor use of y/n, fluff, swearing, mentions of Walburgaâs great parenting, hurt/comfort, swearingÂ
Youâre not exactly sure when you first met Sirius. You both came from unhappy homes. His was just empty of love in general; his parents, cold and disconnected, held impossible expectations of him. Yours was a broken love; parents that had onced loved each other but only stayed together out of obligation to you. You knew your parents tried to hide their growing distaste for each other from you, but they were bad at it. Their arguments filled the house almost nightly.
Your friendship with Sirius was born out of literal escapism. You had taken to going to the park near your house whenever you couldnât take being in the house anymore. At one point, the curly haired boy started showing up and youâd sit on the swings together. It wasnât until a while later that you actually talked to him. And the two of you became friends, disparaging your parents together.Â
âSome people just shouldnât be parents,â you had said to him once.Â
He agreed. The two of you made your own fun as two unsupervised kids did: he liked to break things and you liked to set things on fire. You werenât always causing trouble, sometimes opting to go exploring down every alley within the surrounding neighborhoods. But at the end of the day, youâd always go back to your own homes. You could easily be described as best friends, despite not knowing his last name and he yours.Â
Your friendship hit what you thought would be a minor bump at the end of the summer after you both turned eleven. You were hanging out at your usual park, chatting at the swings like you always did. He told you that he had been enrolled in a boarding school. You stared at him, silent for a beat, but then you told him that you had been too.Â
âSo⊠Iâll see you at Christmas?â he asked.
âYeah. Donât go forgetting about me.â
âItâs just school. I wonât forget you.â
Little did you know that you would be going to the same school as him. You had managed to not see him on the platform, on the train nor on the boats. You didnât see him at all prior to the sorting ceremony.Â
âSirius Black.â
The dark curls you were all too familiar with walked up the steps to the tri-legged stool and the sorting hat was placed on his head.Â
After a few moments, it shouted, âGRYFFINDOR!â
The table of crimson and gold erupted into the cheers while the rest of the hall seemed to fill with whispers of uncertainty. You understood their whispers. You would have to have been a muggle to not know about the Black family. As you waited for your turn to be sorted, your mind spun with questions to ask him when you had the chance. How had he never mentioned his last name? How had there been no accidental magic between the two of you? Was everything he said about his parents true? What about the rumors about him? How come you had never seen his brother?
You were ripped out of your thoughts at the call of your name. You climbed the steps and took a seat on the stool for your sorting. You glanced over at him. He was staring at you with a white face. You were only given a singular moment of eye contact before the hat made its decision.
âSLYTHERIN!â
As you made your way to the green and silver table, you tried to find his eyes again, but he wouldnât look your way. And it stayed that way. For the whole first week, he wouldnât look at you and always made a point to not be near you, which wasnât difficult as he surrounded himself with his fellow Gryffindors. You didnât speak until he approached you in the library.Â
âHow are you here?â he whispered, pretending to look for a book in the same section as you. His voice made you jump.
âI could ask you the same thing,â you hissed back at him. âNever mentioned youâre a wizard.â
âYou didnât either.â
âTechnically, Iâm a witch. You never said your last name.â
âSome muggles know my family.â
Silence.Â
âWeâre going to pretend we donât know each other,â he said.Â
âWhat?â you asked, turning to face him despite him still not looking at you.Â
âYou donât know me. I donât know you.â
Then he grabbed a random book from the shelf and walked away. You watched him walk away in utter shock. How were you supposed to pretend you didnât know him?
Sirius took what he said to you very seriously. You were just another Slytherin to him, someone as bad as the rest of his pure-blood-obsessed family. You werenât friends anymore. Despite making your own friends, the semester felt lonely.
You had hope that over Christmas break heâd come to the park. The promise of seeing each other at Christmas was a spark of hope that lingered in your chest. A spark that was extinguished when he didnât appear at the park; you were there almost every day for several hours. It was then that you gave up on those years of friendship. Youâd have to learn to survive your parents without his company.Â
---
You wonder if he thought about you as much as you thought about him. You werenât friends anymore. You hadnât spoken in years except for minor interactions.
âExcuse me.â
âCan you pass the frog warts?â
âHere.âÂ
âCan I get through?â
âThanks.â
Yet Sirius still haunted your mind. You werenât friends. But you cared for him. And caring for him was a distraction from your own home life. You just couldnât show how much you cared for him in the normal ways, but it seemed as if fate knew that and gave you Regulus. Another boy who lived in the same house as Sirius with the same parents. You made it your mission to befriend him, letting him tell you details about his life and hiding how much you knew from Sirius. He didnât tell you much, nor did he ask much about you. You had a quiet mutual understanding with Regulus, and that was enough for you. It was that understanding that made you two best friends. His walls slowly came down when he was around you. You were easily the one he trusted the most at Hogwarts and he became yours. It was an easy friendship. You treasured that, even if it sometimes reminded you of what you had had with Sirius.Â
---
You had gotten used to being at the park by yourself. Sirius was never there anymore. You did a double take when you saw a boy with dark curly hair sitting on the swing. For a moment, you thought it was Sirius, but the hair was too short and not curly enough. His frame was thinner. Then it hit you. Regulus.Â
You sprinted up to him and stood in front of him. He was silently crying. You had known him long enough to recognize the signs without actually seeing his face; he was an expert at hiding it. You knew heâd rather die than have anyone see him cry.Â
âRegulus,â you breathe, kneeling down in front of him.
You hear his breath hitch and he looks up from his lap. The expression on his face makes you want to cry. It makes you want to hold him, using your grip to put his broken pieces back together. It hurts your soul to see him like this. The look changes from extreme hurt and sadness to confusion.
âHow are⊠how are you here?â he asks.
You reach out to hold his hands. He doesnât pull them away.
âDoesnât matter right now. Whatâs wrong? What happened?â
âSirius,â Regulus says, his voice tight. âHe ran away. I donât think heâs coming back.â
You press your lips into a thin line. Even based on what Regulus has told you, which didnât measure up to everything Sirius had ever told you, you know that him being alone in that house wasnât a good thing. You give his hands a squeeze, hoping it offers some kind of comfort.
âYouâre going to be okay.â Maybe if you speak it into existence, it will be true. âYouâre strong. Youâre resilient. Youâve done all you can to make your parents proud. They canâtâŠâ
He shakes his head before cutting you off. âThey donât have to be upset with me to be upset at me.â
âDo⊠do you know where he went?â
âIâm assuming the Potters.â
âDo you have somewhere to go?â
He blinks at you, emotion slowly draining from his face.
âI canât leave.â Itâs a firm statement.
âRegulus,â you say, almost pleading, but he just shakes his head again.
âI have to stay. I canât leave. I donât expect you to understand.â
âRegulus.â Your voice is softer, but your grip on his hands is stronger. âWhat if you had somewhere to go?â
He shakes his head again. âI told you. I have to stay⊠I should be getting back soon. Mother wonât be happy Iâve been gone so longâŠâ
âRegulus Arcturus Black,â you say, trying to hold his attention. He looks into your eyes and you can see all the pain heâs holding in. âI donât live far from here. My homeâs not much, but itâs better. Safer.â
âBetter? Safer?â he scoffs.Â
âI come here often. Iâll be here if you change your mind,â you say, knowing he wonât. He was too proud and too determined to survive without Sirius.Â
âIâll see you at school.â
You watch as he walks away and you just know that youâre going to have to piece him back together when the fall comes. From what you know Sirius endured, you know heâll need a careful hand.Â
---
Come the fall, you find you were right. Regulus was numb to the world. He was silent and emotionless as the rest of his friends greeted him, pulling him into the compartment where you were.Â
âRegulus,â you say as he sits next to you.
His back is pin-straight, like he couldnât even think about slouching. You reach out to touch his arm when he doesnât acknowledge you. When your hand touches his bicep, he turns to look at you and you see the sadness creep up into his face. You adjust how youâre sitting so you can pull him into you. He falls into your chest, not bothering to say anything and certainly not attempting to resist your touch.Â
âI should have listened,â he mumbles into your arm thatâs wrapped tightly around him.
âI know,â you whisper.Â
He stays in your arms for most of the ride to Hogwarts, getting more comfortable as time passes and he shifts to periodically participate in the conversation with Dorcas, Pandora, Evan and Barty. The more time he spends with the group, the more life gets breathed back into him. Itâs not much, but itâs something. By the time the train pulls into Hogsmeade Station, heâs laughed once and thereâs a hint of a small spark of life in his eyes again. He throws an arm around your shoulder and pulls you into his side as you walk toward the carriages.
âThank you,â he whispers, his breath hot on your ear.
You turn to look up at him. âDonât be thanking me just yet, Reg.â
He chuckles softly.
âLove, you were somehow there when he left. That in itself is enough for me to be showering you in gratitude.â
âGoing soft on me, are you?â you laugh, leaning more into his side.Â
He rolls his eyes, a sign his old self is still there.Â
âI care for you. And Iâll be damned if I ever let you forget that.â
He presses a kiss to the top of your head. âI donât think I can.â
âGood.âÂ
You stay by his side all through dinner and all evening in the common room. You didnât let the boy out of your sight until you walked him to his dorm and he bid you goodnight. Once the door closes between you, you let your cheerful mask fall. You had tried to catch Siriusâ eyes during dinner but he seemed to look everywhere but the Slytherin table. It soured your mood, but you wouldnât let Regulus see that. You had to be strong and gentle for Regulus. For the Black that wouldnât fully push you out of his life. Not that you would give Regulus the option to do that.Â
You could feel Dorcas and Pandoraâs eyes on you as you stalk across the common room towards your dorm. You had been positively beaming when you walked away with Regulus and now, without him, you were scowling. They corner you in your dorm as you brush your hair, preparing for bed.
âSo, you and Black?â Pandora asks, her tone light.
âWhat do you mean, Dory?â you respond, looking at her in the mirrorâs reflection.Â
âSeemed cozy. Close. Almost like Evan and Junior,â Dorcas says.Â
You snort a laugh. âGod forbid a girl has a male friend. He had a rough summer and you know he trusts me.âÂ
âHe put his arm around you after you held him the entire way here,â Dorcas points out and Pandora nods in agreement. âThatâs something.â
âI assure you, itâs not.âÂ
---
With each passing day, you and Regulus spend every spare second together, as you had in previous years. Only this time, youâre making sure that he is okay and present. Itâs obvious to you every time he disappears into his mind. His eyes gloss over and any expression on his face dissipates into the numb expression he had when his parents dropped him off at Kings Cross. When you see him in passing, he has the look on his face and heâs more rigid than you had ever seen him previously. You know heâs just getting through the day and will relax once heâs back in the common room or library with you.Â
When heâs with you, you see his old self coming back, but there are still the effects of the summer without Sirius. Heâs more jumpy and paranoid. You catch him glancing over his shoulder, and your shoulder, periodically, like someone is going to walk up and attack them. He flinches when people raise their voices or a room gets too loud. You do your best to tell people to quiet down or find a believable excuse for you and Regulus to leave. It works well enough and Regulus always gives you a grateful smile.Â
Youâre not sure what possesses to check on Regulus a month or so into the term. You put on your robe before heading down to the common room. A hunched-over form scribbling away at one of the tables tells you that you donât need to go to the dorms to find Regulus. Heâs already up. You walk over to him, ensuring your steps make noise and going to sit across from him.
âWhat are you working on?â you whisper.
He still jumps at the sound of your voice.Â
âReworking a Charms essay.â
âDidnât I already proofread that for you? I thought it was done,â you ask, narrowing your eyes at the parchment.Â
âUh, yeah. It was finished. But it can be better. It needs to be better. I donât want to settle for an E. I want an O. Mother wants an O.âÂ
He looks back down at his essay and continues to write until you reach over the table to put your hand on his wrist.
âRegulus, youâre supposed to be sleeping. And the essay you already wrote was O material.â
âI wonât be able to sleep until itâs perfect.â
âIt is perfect.â
âThen more than perfect. It has to be better.â
âRegulus, look at me.â
He raises his eyes to look into yours. His grey eyes are bloodshot and his face pale.Â
âYou need to sleep. Itâs three in the morning.â
He shakes his head. âI wonât be able to sleep.â
âThe essay is-â you start to say.
âItâs not the essay,â he cuts you off and then sighs. âI dream of home when I sleep.â
âOh.â
Thereâs silence, except for the occasional crack or pop from the dying fire. Regulus stopped working on his essay. You try to think of a solution.
âWhat if⊠I stayed with you until you fell asleep?â
âYou should be sleeping too, though.â
âIâve gotten a few hours already,â you remind him.Â
âWhat if I dream of there again?â You can hear the fear in his voice and it breaks your heart.
âI can stay until morning, if you think your dormmates wonât mind,â you suggest. âI donât think Junior would mind, but I donât know about the others.â
At your offer, his eyes start pleading for you to do so.
âPlease stay.â
You nod, stand up and hold out your hand to him.
âCome on then. Letâs get you to bed.â
He quickly collects his items from the table and takes your hand. You lead him back to his own dorm. Regulus lights a small light before he gets ready for bed. The curtains of the other beds in the room are pulled closed, giving the boys their own privacy. You sat on the edge of the only empty bed, obviously Regulusâ with all of the House of Black monogrammed items. You didnât crawl under the covers until Regulus did. You let him get comfortable first before wrapping yourself around him.Â
âJust focus on my breathing, yeah?â
âAnd you wonât leave?â
âIâm not leaving until morning.â
Your presence in Regulusâ dorm becomes more common. He would let you know when he needed you there. Enchanted notes would fly into your dorm and wake you up if he woke up from a particularly horrid dream. You would be there in an instant, helping lull him back to sleep. Dorcas and Pandora said âI told you soâ when rumors of you and Regulus dating circled briefly. You shut them down quickly. Whether anyone actually believed you wasnât the point; it was that no one was talking about it. You did take pride in being scary when you needed to. You knew you had to split your focus between Regulus and lessons, not silly rumors.Â
Some days were better than others for Regulus. You knew it wasnât going to be all sunshine and roses, but it was nice when those days came along. And you made sure to be there when a day just went to shit. Things had been trending upward the further you got into the semester. You had been able to become less attached at the hip with Regulus. He had spent some evenings with Junior and Evan and some others that you didnât particularly care for. But he was opening up again to his other friends and that was good.Â
Then one of his enchanted notes flutters into your Potions class. Luckily, you are working in the back near the door so Slughorn doesnât notice the parchment fly in and land in front of you. You quickly read over the note and raise your hand.Â
âProfessor, may I use the loo?â
Slughorn looks a bit shocked at your interruption.
âYes. Go. Be quick if you can.â
You nod and hurry out of the room. You find Regulus in the alcove he had described. Heâs hugging his knees to his chest and visibility shaking. His face is hidden, but you know heâs been crying. You crouch next to him.
âHey,â you say softly.
He flinches but then lifts his head. You were right; tears were streaming down his face.Â
âWhat happened?âÂ
âI-I donât kn-know. There was a n-noise a-a-and something hit me. I c-couldnât breathe. I couldnât see. I-I just ran.â
You wrap your arms around him. You hold him for a few minutes in silence, except for his ragged breathing and sniffles. You rub circles on his back and arm where your hands rest.Â
âThank you for the note,â you whisper.Â
He nods. He doesnât know why youâre thanking him for it, but who else was he supposed to send for? Sirius?Â
After the rest of classes, you decide to skip dinner. While youâre sure that Regulus wouldâve benefitted from your presence, you needed to clear your head. You pace around the castle, corridor after corridor, floor after floor. You come across a door youâre unfamiliar with and you peer inside the room. Your face lights up at the piles of old broken crates. The room looked abandoned and youâre fairly certain youâve never come across this room before. You crack your neck and launch spells at the crates, making them explode and catch fire. There must be some sort of enchantment on the room because the piles of crates never end. You are able to go through what mustâve been hundreds of crates until you are tired. Your system feels momentarily cleared.Â
---
Regulus sending for you during class set something off in you. While you had been mad at Sirius for leaving Regulus alone, now you are furious. You know part of your anger is fueled by what Sirius did to you, just casually ending a years-old friendship and never truly acknowledging you again. You waited for the right time, rage boiling inside of you. You hid it from Regulus and the girls, but it was there. You knew it was there.Â
When the moment presented itself, you approached Sirius and his friends. They had claimed a shady area by the Black Lake and were lounging around. It was secluded enough that you felt no shame in the scene you knew you were about to throw. You had decided that Siriusâ decision that you werenât to acknowledge each other was done.Â
âWhat do you want?â Peter asks with a sharp tone. He is the first one to notice you.
At his question, the rest of the boys look up to see who was walking up to them. You notice a brief look of warning cross Siriusâ face.Â
âYou left him alone,â you say, trying to be firm and steady but it comes out accusingly. Youâre only looking at Sirius. You donât care for the rest of them right now.Â
Sirius blinks at you. His expression is unreadable, not giving you anything to go off of.
âYou two know each other?â Remus asks, sensing the tension youâre giving off.Â
âHow could you leave him alone? In that house with them?â
âPadfoot, whatâs she on about?â Peter asks. Heâs giving you a wary look.Â
You know Sirius understands exactly what youâre getting at.Â
âThis isnât the place,â he says coolly.Â
âYou left him behind and went to hide at the Potters,â you continue. You look at James briefly. âFull offense by the way.â
âOi, what?â James gasps.Â
âPadfoot, is she talking about-?â Remus starts to ask.
âRegulus? Yeah, I am.â You shoot Remus a soft smile before turning back to Sirius with the anger bubbling up within you. âAfter everything, I know they were horrible to you, but how could you leave him there alone? Did you see him when they dropped him off?â A dry laugh escapes your lips and your voice rises. âWait, of course not! You werenât there for him. I know you stood between them and him for years but suddenly disappearing? Thatâs so fucking cowardly, you dipshit. He wasnât prepared. He wasnât ready.â
âRegulus is an open book, isnât he?â Peter mumbles. âAiring the Blacksâ dirty laundry?â
You turn to Peter with a much more harsh look on your face. âI forgot that you all donât know.â You donât need to see Siriusâ face to know heâs giving you his own furious look of warning. One that says âDonât you dare.â âSirius and I go way back. At least we did until he became the family disgrace and I wasnât in the same house.â
âSod. Off,â Sirius says. All calmness that had been in his voice previously was gone. âThis isnât about you.â
âItâs fucking about me when Iâm the one putting him back together. When I was the one who found him. When I was the one who offered him somewhere safe. All because you left him.âÂ
âHeâs their golden boy. How bad could it be?â Peter asks, leaning back on his elbows as he stretches out.
âWormtail, you stay out of it,â Sirius warns.Â
âYou called him that.â
âBlack, you could learn a thing or two about loyalty. You got a wicked case of abandoning people who care for you. Boys,â you cast a glance around the group, âjust know itâs only a matter of time before he leaves you for dead because something better for him came up. Consider yourself warned.â
The boys watch as you stalk off toward the castle. You leave a thick silence in your wake. Once you are a safe distance away, the boys turn their glances to Sirius, who is fuming.Â
âSo Sirius?â Remus asks, his words cutting through the silence.Â
He didnât say anything, still staring in the direction you had gone.
âPadfoot,â James tries, âcare to explain what that was? Or even, who?â
When Sirius still doesnât say anything, Remus answers part of Jamesâ question. âY/N. Sheâs one of Regulusâ friends, I think. I see them around each other a lot. Slytherin, obviously.âÂ
âOkay, but she said she goes âway backâ with Pads, not Regulus,â Peter points out.
âYeah, because we do and they donât,â Sirius finally speaks up. âWe live⊠lived near each other. Met at a park when we were small. When being at home was too much.â
The others wait for him to say more. He doesnât, at least not willingly.Â
âAnd?â Remus pries. âWhat was all of that?â He gestures to the space where you had berated him.Â
âSuppose the result of mixing my moving in with James and her friendship with my brother.â
âOkay, and the bit of about loyalty?â James asks. âLike, what was that?â He lets out an awkward laugh.Â
âI may or may not have told her we werenât friends like a week into first year,â Sirius mumbles, not meeting any of their eyes.Â
The boys exchange confused looks with each other, not fully understanding.
âWhy?â James follows up.Â
âI⊠donât know. Some mix of betrayal of not knowing she was going to be here and her being a Slytherin, I guess. It felt like a connection to my family that I was able to separate myself from by being a Gryffindor, you know?â
Remus shakes his head. âBut, mate, if you were friends before Hogwarts-â
Sirius cuts him off. âTry my closest confidant.â
âThatâs even worse,â Remus continues. âIâd imagine she was pretty pissed when you left her. Coming here and you see a familiar face that tells you to fuck off?â
âI mean, I was pleasant to her. We just arenât friends anymore! And we didnât see each other at home anymore either.â
âIâm willing to bet thatâs your doing though,â Peter says.Â
Sirius sighs and nods.Â
âPadfoot, Padfoot, PadfootâŠâ Remus breathes.Â
âShould you be concerned about Regulus though?â Peter asks, his voice small as he knows talking about his family isnât Siriusâ favorite thing. âShe seemed pretty stressed âbout it.â
âMildly,â Sirius says shortly. âHeâs stronger than she knows.âÂ
Remus gives Sirius an unsure look. Remus has seen how often you hang around Regulus and assumes you two were probably as close as the Marauders were. Only differences being you didnât share a dorm and were in different years. Sirius didnât see Remusâ look. He didnât want to feel the judgment of his friends right now. Not when he had been yelled at by his oldest friends, one who knew of his home life better than the Marauders did. You had been there when he was subjected to his parentsâ moods and opinions year round as compared to only having to survive a few months with them.Â
Sirius didnât sleep well that night. He kept tossing and turning but ultimately failed at becoming comfortable and falling asleep. He tried to just rest with his eyes closed. It didnât help that his mind was endlessly spinning and replaying your words, your concern for Regulus and fury at him for leaving Regulus behind, rather than being happy for him finally escaping his tormentors.Â
The next day, he makes a point to find you after class. Being exhausted in class wasnât conducive to paying attention, nor was still having you on his mind. His friends could tell he wasnât in it; they mostly left him alone and tried to keep the professorâs attention off of him. Remus had made comments to James and Peter about thinking your intrusion had affected Sirius more than he would admit to them. Afterall, Sirius liked to keep his personal emotions close to his chest.Â
He finds you in the library with Pandora and Dorcas. He looks around nervously for Regulus, or Barty and Evan. He was more nervous about Regulus, but seeing Barty and Evan wasnât my favorite scenario either. Luckily for him, it was just the girls. Dorcas and Pandora noticed him right away as he started to approach the table. You had continued working, not looking up.Â
âUh, hey, Y/N,â he says awkwardly.Â
Dorcas and Pandora give him annoyed glares. You look up slowly.
âWhat, Black?â you all but spit at him. Had he not gotten enough of an earful yesterday?
âCan, uh, can we talk?â
Pandora cocks her head to the side as Dorcas glances quickly from Sirius to you and back. You blink at Sirius, as if bored. The girls next to you have never seen Sirius so unsure of himself, except maybe when he was walking up to be sorted, when the possibility of being a Slytherin still hung in the air.Â
âI guess,â you say with a sigh. âIâll be back shortly,â you assure the girls as you follow Sirius into the depth of the shelves.Â
âHow bad is he?â Sirius asks once youâre out of earshot of the girls.Â
You scoff. âOh, so now you care.â
âI always cared. Itâs just not something I talk about with the guys. Heâs my brother.â
âHe was wrecked when you left. Rightfully so, if you ask me. And he was ruined when he came back to school. You left him alone with them.â You were trying to keep your voice steady and low, not wanting to start a shouting match with him in the library.Â
Sirius sighs and runs a hand through his hair.Â
âIs that all you needed?â you ask. âPretty sure I told you that yesterday.â
âHow is he⊠now?â
You bite the inside of your cheek before answering. âHeâs not the same, if thatâs what youâre asking. Barely okay some days. Itâs hit and miss, but overall, better the longer he isnât there, I think. Iâm worried about when he inevitably goes back. Christmas? Summer? All of our work this semester is going to go down the drain.â
âOur work?â
You roll your eyes. âMe, Dory, Dorcas, Evan, Junior. You know, the people that care about him.â
âI care about him.â
âThe people that care about him enough to be around.â
âBeing in that house was killing me. You know that. I had to get out.â
âIt never wouldâve killed you, Sirius. Drive you mad, yes. But not kill. Even on the worst days, you were never as bad as he is.â
âItâs not my fault he doesnât have the common sense to get out.â
âHe feels like he has to stay. I offered-â
âI know. You said yesterday. So he didnât take you up on it and you still feel the responsibility to fix him?â
âItâs not a responsibility. Itâs because heâs important to me. Thatâs why I helped fix you. You were important to me.â
Were echoes in his brain. Sirius shakes his head in slight disbelief.
âStill. He turned you away and youâre doing more than heâs asking of you. Why?â
You blink at him slowly and take a deep breath. What you wouldnât give for it to be appropriate to smack him upside the head, but you needed to keep your composure.
âHe came back to me. Heâs opened up to me. He didnât lock me out forever. Like you did.â
You feel like you need to scream.
âExcuse me.â
You turn and leave Sirius alone in the shelves. Pandora and Dorcas give you concerned looks as you take your seat again. They only look away from you when Sirius emerges from the shelves where you had left him. Their eyes follow him all the way out of the library before looking back at you and then refocusing on their own homework. You know they want to ask you what Sirius wanted but your demeanor says you arenât talking about it now, and maybe never.Â
---
âWhat did you yell at my brother about?â Regulus asks you as you sit down next to him at dinner.Â
âHm?âÂ
âPeople are saying you yelled at Sirius and his friends yesterday. I think you scared a first year.â
âReminded him that heâs a piece of shit.â
âWhat did he do this time?âÂ
You give Regulus an intrigued look. âWhy are you so interested?â
âMy best friend chewing my own flesh and blood a new one? Youâre kidding, right?â
âHe came and talked to her in the library earlier,â Pandora adds, leaning forward.
Regulus turns fully toward you.Â
âFirst you yell at him and now heâs coming to talk to you? Darling?â
âToldhimoffforleavingyou.â You have never spoken more quickly and quietly in your life.Â
âYou did what?â Regulus gasps. Of course he understood you.Â
âHe shouldnâtâve and you know it,â you say, pointing your fork at Regulus before going to stab another piece of food. âSomeone had to let him know and you obviously werenât going to do it.â
âBecause it was his choice.âÂ
âExactly. He chose to leave. He didnât have to. He shouldâve known better.â
âSo you told him off. For me.â
âYes.â
âYou didnât have toâŠâ You see Regulusâ gaze drift over to where Sirius was sitting at the Gryffindor table and he frowns. âMaybe you shouldnât have.â
You bite the inside of your bottom lip. It was easy to hide behind Regulus being your best friend as the sole reason, but yelling at Sirius had been cathartic. You finally got some sense of revenge for him abandoning you in first year. It felt so good to get that off your chest, at least in front of Siriusâ friends.Â
âIt wasnât just for you,â you mumble, half hoping that Regulus didnât hear you.
âThen for who else?â Pandora asks.
Regulus turns back to you. He waits for your answer.
âFor me.â
âFor you?â Regulus repeats.
âI, uh, I was his friend before I was yours.â
Dorcas snorts from next to Pandora. âBitch, when? You could barely look at him in first year and then Regulus was here.â
âBefore Hogwarts. We live near each other.â
âHe never mentioned a friend,â Regulus says softly.
âOkay, but then what happened? Youâve talked more in the past twenty four hours than the past six years,â Dorcas says.
âHe said we werenât friends anymore and yeah, that was that.â
Your friends all stare at you, each with a different expression on their face.Â
âExcuse me, what?â Dorcas asks.Â
You shrug. There wasnât anything more to say; you couldâve mentioned that Sirius told you all about life at home, but you felt that was implied enough for Regulus.Â
âAnd you never talk?â Pandora adds.
âHuh,â is all Regulus says.Â
âSo yelling at him was a little for me too. But the purpose was for you, Reg. He knows he shouldnâtâve left.â
âWhy didnât you ever say anything?â Regulus asks.
âI didnât think it really mattered. The Sirius I was friends with wasnât Sirius Black. He was just Sirius and I was just Y/N. We werenât wizards. We were just kids at a park. And then everything changed and the past was the past.â
âKids at a parkâŠâ Regulus mutters, putting two and two together. âThe one you said you visit often?â
You nod.Â
âI suppose⊠that makes senseâŠâ Heâs speaking slowly as he is still processing the fact that you knew Sirius and were friends before he had even met you. âAnd he was the one who left you?â
You nod again. He hums and puts his arm around your shoulder, pulling you closer to him.
âThatâs his loss and my gain, I guess.â
You sigh in relief. Some part of you had thought Regulus would be furious that you hadnât disclosed your previous friendship with his brother. Although, in your defense, like you had said, the Sirius you knew wasnât Regulusâ brother. That Sirius had been an only child and a muggle. And if you could have had your way six years ago, you wouldâve had both Black brothers as your friends.Â
---
Once again, what you had said kept Sirius up at night.Â
Were. Were. Were.
You were important to me.
He knew he was the reason he no longer was important to you. He had been the one to push you away. He had never found himself regretting it until now. As he goes through the next dayâs classes, he wonders how he managed six years of ignoring you. Youâre in almost every class he has. Your voice and laughter draw his attention. He never realized how much he missed hearing both, and even more so, being the cause of the laugh.Â
The rest of the Marauders arenât oblivious to Sirius watching you, but they donât say anything to him. They donât understand how close the two of you had been before he ruined it. And they donât understand that your yelling had really got in his head. That you coming to him, instead of listening to his command, forced him to realize how much he missed you and your friendship. He missed you and needed to fix it. He saw that he made a dire mistake pushing you away.Â
It takes him time to wrap his head around everything. After a week of trying to dissect your words in his head on his own, he swallows his pride and asks for help.
âWhat does it mean if someone says you were important to them?â Sirius asks, laying on his bed and staring at the ceiling.Â
âYou need a grammar lesson? Okay.â Remus says. âWere. Used to be. Past tense. No longer important.â
âIs it a lost cause though?â
âIs what a lost cause?â
âCan you re-become important to someone?â
âI suppose it depends on what happened to make you unimportant to them.â Remus pauses, looking over Sirius. âIs this about Y/N?âÂ
Sirius nods. He knows that Remus would be looking at him to see it.
ââFraid I donât know enough about that to really say, Pads. She sounded beyond pissed at you.â
âHow do I get her to see that I had to leave and taking Regulus with me wasnât really an option?â
âYou think Jamesâ parents wouldnât have taken him in too?â
âNo, they would have. I donât think Reg would have come with. Certainly not easily.â
âDid you ask him?â
âNo. What if he told Mum what I was going to do? I was able to get out because I had surprise on my side.â
Remus thinks for a moment before responding. âWhen did y/n say that?â
âLast week, after she yelled at me. I went back to ask about Reg.â
Remus doesnât say anything. Once again, he needs more information.Â
âShe said Regulus is important to her. And I was.â
âAnd you want to change that?â
âThe part about me, yes. I donât mind that she cares for Reg. Itâs⊠good he has someone. That he has her, of all people.â
Remus shakes his head and tries to stifle a laugh. Sirius looks over at him when he hears.Â
âWhat?â
âPadfoot, itâs really quite simple. I think you need to talk to her. Apologize for being an idiot. Maybe a bit of groveling. See if she has ideas on how you can help Regulus,â he says. âGirls like it when guys admit they were wrong. And you were wrong. Very. Extremely.â
âShut up, Moony. I know. I know I was wrong.â He takes a breath. âAnd itâs hit me how much I miss her. I donât know how I managed six years without her.â
âTell her that. While youâre groveling on your knees. Begging.â
âDonât make it sound so pathetic.â
âCan I come with to watch? I think it is going to be pathetic and thatâs something I need to witness.â
âSo you can tell everyone?â
âSo I can tell everyone.â
---
Sirius corners you in the library. Well, not quite corners you. He finds you at a table alone. He sits next to you and turns your chair so youâre facing him.
âI was working,â you hiss at him.Â
âI need to talk to you.â
âAgain?â
âYes, again.â
âYou only have a few minutes. Regulus is meeting me here after Quidditch practice. You need to be gone when he gets here.â
âActually, I need to talk to him too. But youâre first.â
You narrow your eyes at him and cross your arms. You wait for him to talk.Â
âOkay. This is long overdue. Iâm sorry.â
You scoff. âSorry for what?â
âI wasnât finished,â he says. âIâm sorry for pushing you away when we were first years. And for never talking to you. Never going back to the park. I was selfish and stupid. I still am stupid. The biggest idiot youâve ever met.â
âI couldâve told you that, Black.â
He briefly purses his lips together at his last name.
âContinuing my idiocy, this is going to sound even more stupid. I didnât realize how much I actually missed you until you yelled at me. I havenât been able to get you out of my head. I donât know how I survived the last six years without you. I need you in my life.â
You raise your eyebrows in surprise. âYou missed me? Bit too late to be confessing that, donât you think?â
âYes, I know it is. Thatâs how stupid I am! Six years and being called a dipshit to get my head out of my arse.â
Your glare softens ever so slightly.
âSo Iâm sorry. Iâm so, so, so sorry.â
âOkay.âÂ
âCan I try to explain something? Do I have time?â
You sigh and lean backwards to see the clock.Â
âYou have time.â
He smiles before his expression becomes serious again.
âI thought the only way to escape them was to leave on my own. To disappear out of the blue. If they had an inkling that I would actually leave, they mightâve stopped me. Thatâs why I didnât say anything to Regulus. I wasnât sure heâd want to come with, especially to the Pottersâ. I know I need to talk to Regulus on my own. But I want to try to fix it. I need to work on fixing my relationships with the Slytherins I never shouldâve let leave my life.â
âI donât think he wouldâve said anything. Probably wouldnâtâve gone with you, but he wouldnâtâve been so goddamn blindsided.â You pause. âI donât know if you can fix these relationships.â
âI need to try. Please. Let me try.â He got out of his chair and on his knees, as Remus suggested. âPlease, Y/N. You were my first friend. The best friend Iâve ever had and I ruined it. Please, let me try to fix it.â
Youâre looking down at him with wide eyes as Regulus approaches the table.
âWhat the actual fuck?â he asks.Â
Sirius immediately stands up, turning towards his brother.
âRegulus.â
âSirius.â
âIâm sorry.â
Regulus put his bag down on the table, not breaking eye contact with his brother.Â
âAre you now?â
âI should have told you.â
âYou should have stayed.â
âI couldnât.â
Regulus sits down and looks away from his brother and at you.Â
âRegulus, I had to leave. I think for the same reasons you feel you need to stay. I know I was the one who left, but I donât want to lose my brother.â
âYou have James.â
âHeâs not blood.â You knew it was hard for Sirius to say that. âYou always have a place at the Pottersâ if you want to leave. Itâs okay to leave.â
âMy invitation still stands too,â you say, speaking for the first time since Regulus joined you.Â
Regulus looks back at his brother and then to you again. He shakes his head.
âWhat is this?â
âI, uh, I am trying to start mending the bridges I burned with my idiocy,â Sirius says as he slowly sinks back into his chair. He looks at you. âDoes he know about us?â
âAbout what?â Regulus spits.Â
âWe were friends before Hogwarts. When I would disappear, I was usually with Y/N,â Sirius clarifies and Regulusâ face relaxes.
âOh, that. Yes, Iâm aware.â
You laugh, earning a sharp look from the librarian.
âReg! Do you really think Iâd be dating him without telling you?â
You were important. Sirius feels his face grow hot.Â
âAnyways!â Sirius says. âI want a second chance, even though I probably donât deserve one from either of you.â
You look at Regulus, trying to read his expression. Siriusâ apology to you certainly felt more heartfelt than his to his own brother. Maybe there was a dynamic you werenât familiar with between them, but you wanted Regulus to answer first. Your loyalty would be to him first. His face is stoney as he looks his brother up and down.
âWill you be better?â Regulus asks after a few seconds.
âIâm going to try. Whatever you need of me, except moving back in.â
âOf course thereâs a caveat,â you sigh.
âNo, no,â Regulus says, giving you a soft smile. âI wouldnât ask you to move back in. But write? Keep me in the loop? Donât prank me?â
âWhat about a friendly prank? Like something I would do to James, Peter, them.â
âMaybe.â
âAnd I will write. Daily, if you want. And even if you donât stay, youâre welcome to visit the Pottersâ or we can spend a day in the city or whatever.â
There is so much desperation in Siriusâ voice as he talks to Regulus that you almost feel bad for him. His apology could have used work, but he seems genuinely wanting to reconnect with Regulus outside of their parentsâ grasp.Â
âAnd for you?â Sirius asks, turning his attention to you once Regulus seemed satisfied with him.
âWhat?â
âWhat will it take for a second chance?â
You look at Regulus, only to find him actively watching you. You canât tell if heâs encouraging you to give him one or if heâs curious at what youâd require from him. You look back at Sirius with a grim face.
âI donât know. I was never friends with Sirius Black.â
Sirius gives you a confused and hurt look. âBut the parkâŠâ
âI was friends with a young boy named Sirius. He didnât have a last name. He didnât have a brother at home.â You sigh before continuing. âI suppose if Sirius Black wants to try to be friends, he can try and weâll go from there.â
âThank you. Thank you both. I promise I wonât blow it.â A wide smile is adorning his face as he stands up. âIâll let you two study, but thank you.â
You both watch Sirius leave the library in silence.Â
âYou think youâll be able to forgive him?â Regulus asks you as he opens his bag and takes out his homework.Â
âWeâll see. That first year was hard. Guess weâll see how much effort he really puts in. You?â
âIf he keeps his word. We can be pleasant then, I think.â
You smile across the table at the younger boy. âYouâre kinder to him than I am.â
âFamily, you know.â
You roll your eyes. âYou damn well know you donât have to love family.â
âThen Iâm choosing to. Heâs Sirius. Something about him is loveable.â
You didnât want to admit it, but you knew he was right.
---
Itâs the little things. Sirius started making a point to say hi to you, and to Regulus. Pranks seemed to avoid you. He would approach you in the corridors and the library to chat. You could tell Sirius watched and cheered Regulus on the Quidditch pitch, when Slytherin wasnât playing Gryffindor. He was taking the baby steps he needed to.Â
As much as you tried to hang onto your anger, you couldnât. It didnât wash away in one go, but it melted like an ice sculpture without a permafrost enchantment. It probably helped that over Christmas Regulus received the letters he was promised. Both Regulus and Sirius wrote to you, which the latter was more unexpected. They both told you about an adventure into the city that went well, only a few minor tense moments that passed almost as quickly as they appeared. You spent time with Regulus at the park, apparently at Siriusâ suggestion. So when the spring term was starting up and Regulus wasnât a shell of himself as he had been at the start of the fall term, you really noticed how much effort Sirius had been putting in. He was really trying to not mess up his second chances.Â
Sirius finds you sitting in a window seat, reading a book you had gotten for Christmas. He leans against the wall and watches you for a moment. Heâd be lying if he said he didnât enjoy seeing you so focused and lost in the pages.Â
âHey,â he says finally,
You look up. The shock of seeing him evident on your face, but you mark your spot and put the book down.Â
âHi.â
âCan I ask you something?â
âYeah. Whatâs up, Sirius?â
You cross your legs so Sirius can sit at the other end of the window seat.Â
âIf I had invited you to the Potters for a day over break, would you have come?â
Youâre taken back by the question. It was unexpected and it felt loaded.Â
âI just⊠I almost invited you. I need to know if I should be kicking myself for chickening out,â he adds when you donât respond.Â
âHonestly, probably not. I donât know your friends, especially not the Potters. I donât think James is too fond of me.â
âHeâs come around a bit,â Sirius says. You can tell heâs trying to not look too hurt at your denial. âAnd how will they learn to love you if you donât come around?â
âLove? Letâs work on simple friends, or acquaintances at school first.â
âThen Hogsmeade? Next weekend? Would you consider coming with us?â
You hesitate. A full day with Sirius and his friends is daunting. You were just beginning to be friends with Sirius. Jumping into his friend group felt like too much. Again, Sirius talks more when you donât say anything.
âWhat if it was just me?â
âIâd consider just you.â
âThen Iâll tell the boys I wonât be going with them!â Sirius exclaims happily, jumping up from the seat.
âI said consider!â you call after him, but heâs sprinting down the corridor.Â
You did consider it. You thought about it during class and meals. You even talked about it with Regulus, who supported your reformed friendship with Sirius. He said something about the day in London with Sirius was more fun than heâd admit to Sirius so if he has a London day with him, you need a Hogsmeade day. And then you considered it and thought about it more.Â
You kept doing so until you hadnât said no and were waiting for Sirius by the ground gates to walk to Hogsmeade. It was cold and snowing and Sirius was a little late. You pull your cloak tighter around your body. You canât help but smile when you catch a glimpse of Sirius running toward you while attempting to tie his scarf.
âIâm late, I know! Please donât hold it against me!â
You laugh at him as he huffs.
âOh, just let me,â you say, grabbing his scarf that wasnât remotely tied in a way to keep him warm.Â
You tie it for him and tuck the ends into his cloak so they wonât fly in the wind.Â
âThere. Now letâs go! Iâm thinking you owe me a butterbeer for making me wait.â
âIf thatâs the cost of being late, I can handle that. As much butterbeer as you want.â
Your day with Sirius goes smoothly. Conversations donât run dry. The camaraderie is just like when you were younger. Itâs fun and relaxing. After the Three Broomsticks, he follows you around a bookstore and then you follow him around Zonkos. You end up back in the pub for more butterbeer to warm you up before your walk back to Hogwarts.Â
âDid your friends even come to Hogsmeade today? Iâm surprised we didnât run into them,â you say, pulling on your coat.Â
âNo. Said something about giving us privacy?â
âDo we need privacy?â
âI mean, I did explain that you werenât ready to be thrown into a day with the Marauders?âÂ
âWhich is true. You have to admit, your group can be a bit much.â
Sirius laughs and holds open the pub door for you as you exit into the cold.
âWe can be. I think Zonkos both cringes and celebrates when all four of us walk in. They make sales, but at what cost?â
âThatâs the bookstore when I go in with Reg!â you say with a laugh.Â
âYou know his book collection well?â
You nod. âWeâre our own little book club, the two of us. And possibly edging on a library. If you ever take up reading, we got you.â
You lightly run into Sirius with your shoulder.Â
âMaybe Iâll have to. Sure would make Remusâ day to see a book in my hands.â
âIf you need recommendations, you know where to find me and Regulus.â
You walk for a little bit without talking. Snow is still falling, flakes getting caught in your hair and on your eyelashes. Youâre too busy watching where youâre walking to see Sirius sending sideways glances your way every few steps. Youâre about halfway back to the castle when he puts his arm out in front of you to stop you.
âWhy we stopping?â you ask, a shiver running up your spine as a gust of wind chills you.Â
âIâm going to risk my second chance with you.â
It happens before you can process anything. Sirius grabs your face and pulls it closer to his. He presses his lips to yours. He couldnât help himself. In rekindling your friendship, he realized that something else was caught on fire inside of him. With each letter he sent you, he could only anticipate your response. He had hoped you wouldnât want to go to Hogsmeade with all of his friends but would accept going with just him. He had been so nervous this morning that it made him late, but you had laughed and fixed his scarf. And then you just looked so beautiful with the white snowflakes in your hair. He couldnât help himself.Â
His eyes search yours for a reaction when he pulls away. You donât seem angry or upset.Â
âDarling?â he asks softly.
âHow long?â you ask.
âA few seconds, maybe?â
âNot the kiss. How long have you liked me?â
âOh. Sometime after you said youâd give Sirius Black a chance. But I think it wouldâve been longer if I had never pushed you away.â
You nod, suddenly unable to form words. Your thoughts are running a hundred miles an hour. Sirius had been one of your first and best friends. Today had been a testament to how easy it was to fall back into the friendship with him. It wasnât like you had ever truly stopped caring for him, nor that you have never imagined what mightâve happened between you if he had stayed. For Regulusâ sake, you always kept your thoughts about Sirius to yourself. You didnât dare mention anything to Dorcas or Pandora in case someone overheard or they didnât keep their mouths shut. Now, here you are, with Sirius in front of you, searching for a proper response after he kissed you. A Sirius who begged for forgiveness after being an idiot for six years. A Sirius who said he was going to risk his second chance.
You lean up and give him a quick peck on the lips. He stares at you.Â
âWeâre lucky I gave you that second chance,â you say with a smile.
âWe?â he breathes, leaning forward to rest his forehead against yours.
âWe.âÂ
Sirius kisses you again and is smiley so widely that you think his jaw must hurt.
âI guess I need to tell Reg,â you sigh as you reach to hold Siriusâ hand.Â
#marauders fic#marauders#sirius black#sirius black x reader#sirius black x you#sirius black fluff#slytherin!reader
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Sometimes, when I'm feeling flush, I like to go to this little restaurant near me. It's a sushi joint, and in my part of the world that always has to come with some additional kitsch. For this restaurant, it's "bullet train sushi." You order on a little iPad, and then a train comes out of the kitchen, bringing your sushi behind it. Clean. Efficient. Antithetical to my morals and values.
See, I'm from North America. In case you're unfamiliar, it's very popular these days. You can find it on the north end of America on any map, except for that weird one that is about Pangaea. One thing we love in North America is cars. We spend a couple of hours stuck in one so we can go to an office we hate, then spend a couple of hours going home so we can spend a few more hours taking our kids to a soccer game. If we had a train, then we'd be able to do things like check our text messages without running over a pedestrian.
Being presented with this totally viable transportation alternative, albeit in miniature and towing little pieces of raw fish behind it, troubles the mind. If we had made better choices, put monopolists to the torch, could we have a utopian society where you order things on a little iPad and then gleamingly efficient tubes fly you out of the kitchen and into a glorious new world? I love the food, but I hate the frantic cold sweats it gives me as I ponder an alternative civilization that doesn't care quite so much about heated steering wheels. That's why I had to do something.
Welcome to Switch's Highway of Sushi â the only sushi restaurant in town that's sponsored by General Motors Corporation. Here, each table is actually a fully-equipped Chevrolet Blazer. Diners are commanded to get their own goddamn food the way our forefathers once did: in four-wheel-drive. The eight-storey parking garage in which the restaurant is housed features many stalls, containing highly trained chefs making delicious food that's just a complex parking job in tight confines away.
Sure, it makes the restaurant fairly space-inefficient having to make room for sixty 6000-pound SUVs. Our insurance is through the fucking roof because our customers keep backing over the waiters and their own families (why not look at the award-winning ClearView Surround Backup Camera, idiots?) And the air quality inside the place could be defined as "not great," even with the really expensive oven vent hoods you get at the restaurant supply store.
All this doesn't matter. Freedom is what matters. The freedom to not have to occupy the same space as any other member of your civilization, unless you are currently backing over them because you forgot to check the backup camera again. Come on, table four. If you're going to keep this up all night, we might think about giving you some demerits.
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honestly thinking about the sonadow twitter takeover and how the plummeting to earth thing very much affected Sonic a lot more than it affected Shadow. like in a previous takeover Shadow even made it a positive memory about Sonic trying to save him.
Meanwhile in Prime, Sonic has a moment of saving Shadow from falling into the void that's very reminiscent of that other fall (in the same way Prime has a lot of motivations and references that only make sense from a fandom insider perspective).
Sonic also gets repeatedly tilted, loud and anxious, (which I'm pinning more on RCS's/whatever writer's sense of humor, as is all the voice acting gags) and is coping badly any time Shadow comes out ahead. I think Sonic's insistence on his ability to grow chest fur is as big a Cope as floaties=fashion statement.
But really, Sonic's repeat date suggestions and Shadow's own descriptions of Sonic's behavior (dragging out their races, etc "just to annoy me") reads, whether romantically or platonically, that Sonic just really wants to spend time with Shadow.
He feels he needs to justify it, though, insisting that he and Shadow have something other than occasionally getting in each other's way ("two sides of the same coin") (friendly competition being "why you keep me around-" seemed like odd wording to me).
Needing to make it meaningful, because that's what Shadow wants out of a relationship- Shadow /says/ he dislikes Sonic for being frivolous and inauthentic, that (for instance) his hugs don't mean anything, and that he doesn't want "(Sonic's) kind of hug."
Sonic really wants to spend time with Shadow because he's also intimately aware that that time is limited. Either Shadow's patience (and/or social battery) is limited and he's liable to make a batman exit if he doesn't want to be somewhere (not that we've ever seen Shadow do this in canon, he seems to awkwardly/quietly hang around as if he doesn't realize he can just hit the bricks (or he likes being there and has no idea how to express it re: smiling at Big the Cat) ), Or Sonic and Shadow will get caught up in their own lives again and not see each other until Fate Deigns to Allow Them to Cross Paths Once More.
And Sonic misses him.
(This ties in with my Sonic Frontiers is the Saddest Game Ever posting from a while back, too. Sonic is lonely AF and Needs Other People to Talk To or he'll start talking to the walls and robots, and Shadow will almost always either talk back or groan in exasperation, which is as good a reaction as any.)
All this, plus Sonic's opinion flip-flops (shopping with Amy vs shopping with Shadow, opinion on Orbot) could be either (Sonadow Optimist) Sonic is Down Bad and not even conscious of his mirroring Shadow/trying to appeal to Shadow, or (Sonadow/overall Pessimist) Sonic trying to appeal to the Most Popular Character Right Now and getting increasingly desperate as he is rebuffed.
A few of these Twitter Takeovers have had moments of Sonic in particular getting thrown off and not really able to recover. (which makes me question what the writing is like, if there's any at all and these VA's aren't just riffing on an outline. Considering they don't talk over each other constantly, there must be something like a script, but it also does occasionally feel like a bad roleplay (and I've been a bad roleplayer).) It leads to a Something Is Wrong feeling in the "We're doing this for fun" question-answering joke show. Sonic needs therapy. (We all need therapy.)
Meanwhile, Shadow really is pulling out all the grunts, groans, and whines with Sonic that, if scripted, would be egregious as hell to read or write. He doesn't make these noises in the games (or shows, really?) mostly because there's a sort of efficiency necessary to production that cuts out that interpersonal realism and partly because it's annoying? Shadow, you're the annoying one?
Unrelated, everybody latched on to Sonic's "Go off, King" but nobody even noticed Shadow's "Deal With It."(sunglasses drop) How soon we forget the sacred texts and/or the deep magic, I guess? (It's an old meme, but it checks out!)
#sonic the hedgehog#shadow the hedgehog#sonadow#I dont accept the twitter takeovers as canon#there is no lore here- just corporate sponsored voice actor engagement content#fandom is about fun though so have fun with it#angst i guess#im working on a thing that started in the mid-00s and every New Thing that happens in the Sonic Franchise is an additional rock in my shoe#that I have to debate whether it fits into the project or not and if it does then am i a sellout for including it#or will I ruin my readers suspension of disbelief if I throw it out#i think too much therefore the thing remains unfinished#longpost#long post
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My opinion about Arcane s2 (mostly Viktor)
I'm trying to be neutral on this, but I'm upset with what they did to Viktor.
I was wrong about their relationship with Sky (but I had hope), you can see he never really cared for her and the animators put their all into conveying that. Plus, let's say Sky represents Viktor's humanity and Viktor himself gives up on her. And it's a lot easier for him to give her up than it is for Jayce, who he's trying to show this new âworldâ to.
They have a lot of gay moments with Jayce, I don't know why the writers call it âfamilyâ. It's really hard to see family in that. It seems like at some point they decided to change the plot, because at the end Jayce and Viktor just disappear and no one just doesn't care what Jayce has with Mel.
The thing I didn't like the most was how they changed Ryze, that now Ryze is Viktor, the all-powerful mage. We know from the documentary that it was Ryze at one point. That would make more sense than Viktor traveling through time and constantly dooming himself to a series of miseries. But then again, they added the âall for Jayceâ aspect to it.
You can see it's supposed to be a different character, right?
I really didn't like how they treated Sky because obviously she wasn't an evil manipulative core. Viktor killed her twice for his own purposes. Once by accident, the second time on purpose. Look, you add a girl who is IN LOVE with a man, make her die twice for him, and show WHY he doesn't care. It's a dirty act. Amanda said she was âproud to write Skyâ, I don't know what there is to be proud of. As a woman, it was painful for me to watch. You didn't have to do that. Did you mean to say the character is gay? You don't have to humiliate women to do that.
I always hoped Viktor wouldn't have any romantic innuendos because feelings, for Herald, are a weakness. But the fact that they're indulging JayVik fans makes it look NOTHING like that. Like, I'm not a fan of this ship, but even I don't consider what they showed as brotherly feelings. Especially from Viktor's side. He is literally too concerned with Jayce's opinion.
I also think that the writers largely emphasized the clips and fights, but didn't add to the story itself. I mean Silco's deep thoughts in the first season on political topics and the theme of family in general was shown much better.
Herald is essentially non-existent. It's a character for the last two episodes who is immediately killed off because of a few words from Jayce. Viktor returns and they vaporize somewhere. I take it this is starting a recurring time loop.
They kind of tried to put in Viktor's âhere he's come to the realization on his own that humanity is badâ, but they did it SO FAST and literally because of one event that it looked bad. Yeah, it's not about hexcore. VIKTOR SUPPOSEDLY CAME TO THIS ON HIS OWN. Why? Because Jayce shot him, and then Jayce helped him realize otherwise. No, really, what was that?
I also didn't like the redesign. I was hoping the mask would look different, but it looks HORRIBLE.
It's supposed to give the impression that Viktor âshut down and withdrew into himselfâ, they also tried to make him a âdeityâ, but since it only lasted 20 minutes before he went back to his normal state, it didn't make any sense⊠Anyway⊠I sympathize with everyone who loved Viktor specifically, outside jayvik ship (happy for you guys). I know they are excited, but this is not Viktor's story. You see, Viktor doesn't have his own personal story now, he's too connected to Jayce. You could say he did everything and nothing at the same time. Because he keeps running this time loop, but he's running it because of Jayce's influence.
Waiting for his updated lore to readâŠ.. idk I'll read it and forget it like a bad dream.
#viktor arcane#viktor#arcane#arcane spoilers#sky young#sky arcane#machine herald#animation is nice but not the story#I'll buy the artbook and that's it#I guess....#arcane s2
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01 â The final promise, a mother's death
ê° ÖŽ Öș âč @ notice âč Öș ÖŽ ê± this translation may not be 100% accurate or contain creative liberties due to characterization or narrative flow purposes. if you enjoy, please consider reblogging, but donât repost these or claim these as your own!
â judeâ's past records, record #1.
â cw: domestic child abuse (physical), death of a family member, mentions of alcoholism and family neglect.
The amount of happiness a person is given in their lifetime is decided, and it is split equally for everyone.
Such was written in a book somewhere.
Just as there was no abundance of good things, neither was there an abundance of bad. Everything was made to be equal.
ââIf that was the case, then just what did this bloody wretched life of mine ever amount to?
Since I was born, I had never gotten a taste of that feeling called âhappiness.â
My father was an immigrant from Ireland, who worked at the seaport.
The place was filled with violent people, making both public order and the working environment in poor condition, but not working would be the same as death.
And what was tragic about the job was the fact that you could be laid off at any point.
Judeâs father: Blast it all! I went outta my way to show up nâ they went and kicked me out!
Judeâs older brother: Was a foolâs errand from the start!
In the cramped house, the scent of liquor and tobacco pervaded the room,
and perhaps because of continuous exposure to that, my younger sister and I had weak lungs, and were often prone to asthma attacks.
Judeâs younger sister: *cough* *cough*...
Jude: Quit it already.
Judeâs father: ...Hah?
Jude: If ya continue smokinâ that stuff, ainât no way weâre gettinâ any better.
J: If youâre gonna smoke go nâ do it outsiââgh!
All of a sudden, he hit my cheeks, and the moment I collapsed on the floor, he grabbed my hair.
Judeâs father: I dare ya to try sayinâ that again.
Jude: Hah, did ya drink so much booze your ears gone bad? Iâll say it however much I gotta.
J: Iâm sayinâ ya donât even got a penny in your pocket and yet ya go off smokinâ that stuffââguah!
This time, he hit my other cheek without holding back.
Judeâs father: Jude. How old are ya?
Jude: ...Five.
Judeâs father: Which is the age ya can go nâ work a job. And yet here ya are not doinâ that âcause youâre coughinâ a lung up.
Judeâs father: Who do ya think ya are, complaininâ when youâre a useless piece oâ trash, huh!?
Grasping at my hair, he tried to drag me around, whenââ
Judeâs mother: Stop this at once...!
Jude: Mum...
Judeâs mother: Iâll give him a talk and make him listen. Okay?
Mother took some money, and the two left the house for a drink.
(That cash... went and sold off clothes again, innit.)
She was a woman who could use perfect Queenâs English, and she was originally a well-to-do lady, or so I heard.
But, she pulled the short end of the stick, getting together with a good-for-nothing.
She sold the little jewels and clothes she had brought until she had nothing left to her name, and her health deteriorated.
ââ Time skip (I think) ââ
Judeâs mother: Jude, come here a bit.
Mother took me out to the garden, and there she took a stick and started writing something on the ground.
Jude: Mum, whatâs this?
Judeâs mother: These are letters. They represent the words we speak... letâs see... itâs much like a âsign,â so to speak.
Judeâs mother: See, this is how you write your name. J, U, D, E.
I copied Motherâs letters, writing them on the ground.
Jude: Wow, I could really get behind this. Hey, how do ya write Jazzaââ
Just then, Mother pulled me into an embrace.
Jude: Mum...?
Judeâs mother: In the times to come, even when your body is weak, and your money scarce, as long as you have wisdom, you can live on with that.
Judeâs mother: Jude, you are intelligent. I am sure knowledge will be your guardian.
Jude: Hey, mum, if ya hug me so tight itâs gonna hurt.
Judeâs mother: Hehe, youâre a big brother, arenât you? You can handle this much at least.
Not too long after, Motherâs body grew weak, and she passed away.
The only thing left behind was the cold bed which she no longer occupied.
(She probably knew things would turn out this way.)
Running my hand along the cold surface of the bed, I recalled the final conversation we shared.
ââ Flashback ââ
Judeâs mother: Jude... Iâm sorry.
Jude: Whatâre ya apologizinâ for? Thereâs a mountain of people other than ya who gotta apologize.
Father and my older brother drowned in alcohol, and even on deathâs door, they didnât bother even showing their faces.
Judeâs mother: ...Iâm sorry, Iâm sorry...
Jude: ...Nâ like I said, donât apologize.
Judeâs mother: ...Please...take care of your sister...Jude.
ââ End flashback ââ
That became the final conversation.
And, after that, my life stumbled even more down to the pits of hell.
to be continuedâŠ
first next â
masterlistđ â ko-fi âïž â comms đ€
#sorry for the delay friends!#i wanted to wrap up the al main story project#but here we are!#im excited to work on this hehe#ikemen villains#ikevil#ă€ă±ăĄăłăŽăŁă©ăł#ikevil jude#ikevil jude jazza#jude jazza#ikemen villains jude#cybird ikemen series#cybird ikemen#cybird otome#ikemen series#otome game#otome#ikevil translation#ikevil translations#d: cafekitsune
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The Cat Gets It
Requested Here!
Pairing: Tim Bradford x fem!reader
Summary: Tim finally meets your cat, Maverick, and it does not go as planned. Maverick hates Tim until he sees something special.
Warnings: just an angry cat and a lot of fluff
Word Count: 1.2k+ words
Masterlist Directory | Tim Bradford Masterlist | Request Info/Rules
âThis is my least favorite part,â you tell Tim as he walks you to your car. âThanks for dinner.â
âYou have to go home sometime,â he reminds you.
âWould you consider⊠Do you want to come to my place this weekend? We can watch a movie, just have a quiet night in,â you propose. âNot that I donât love our usual dates, butâŠâ
Tim smiles as you shrug and answer, âIâd like that. Iâll meet you there?â
You nod and assure him youâll send the address before you kiss him goodnight. As you walk into your home, you look around and make a mental list of things you must do to prepare for Timâs first visit to your home. You have been dating for a while, but heâs yet to come here. Or meet your cat, you remember as he meows from the back of the couch.
âHi, Mav, buddy,â you greet, rubbing his soft fur. âWe need to make this place extra welcoming for Tim, okay?â
He grumbles beneath you, but when you move your hand to scratch beneath his chin, he purrs and pushes against you. Youâre excited to have Tim over, but you have no idea how Maverick, who is used to being the only guy in the house and your life, will respond.
âHi!â you exclaim, wrapping Tim in an awkward hug before you invite him in. âWhatâs in the bag?â
âJust some snacks I remember you saying you liked,â Tim answers, passing the bag to you. âAnd cat treats.â
âYouâre such a softie, Tim Bradford.â
Tim rolls his eyes and follows you inside, closing and locking the door behind him. You invite him to make himself at home as you walk toward the kitchen to prepare the snacks. A loud hiss pulls your attention back to the living room, and Tim lifts his hand in a show of good faith as Maverick arches his back and hisses again.
âMav, stop,â you call. âSorry, Tim, heâs never like that.â
Tim raises his brows like he doesnât quite believe you. You pour the snacks into a large bowl with divided sections and carry it to the coffee table. You step toward Tim, and Maverickâs tail curls around him as he crouches. His ears flatten against his head as his pupils dilate.
âHe does not like me,â Tim says quietly.
âIâll put him in the other room,â you offer. âSorry again.â
âItâs fine,â Tim assures.
You reach for Maverick, and he swats at you before running under the couch. With furrowed brows, you place your hands on your hips and sigh.
âHeâs touchy,â you explain weakly. âHeâll probably hide under the couch until you leave, or I can receive permanent scarring by pulling him out.â
âIâm attached to your pretty skin, so Iâd prefer the first option,â he responds.
âHe- hopefully heâll warm up to you.â
âThis will get awkward if he doesnât.â
Youâre prepared to agree, then see the gentle smile on Timâs face. As you sit beside him for movie night, only hearing hints of Maverickâs continued hissing, you silently plead with your cat to stop hating Tim because, even if you havenât told him yet, you truly love Tim Bradford.
Throughout the next week, Tim comes by twice more, and Maverick reacts the same as before. He lunged toward Tim once because he touched your waist, and since then, Tim has kept at least a foot between you during visits. He sits on the floor, offers treats under the couch, and has private conversations with Maverick. Yet, Maverick continues to hate your boyfriend for some unknown reason.
âI donât understand why heâs like this,â you say against Timâs shoulder, content in a warm hug outside your front door.
âHeâll warm up to me, or he wonât, and weâll deal with that,â Tim assures you, rubbing your back. âMaybe a few days in lockup would make him see how good I am.â
You chuckle, and after you wave goodbye to Tim, you turn and see Maverick watching you from the window.
âWork with me, Mav,â you ask through the window.
âSorry to drop by unannounced,â Tim says as you open the door. âI just⊠can I come in?â
âOf course,â you reply, pulling the door open so he can enter. âAre you okay?â
Tim sighs as you close the door, and when you see his face, you notice the crease between his brows. Heâs tired and stressed, and though youâre ecstatic that he came to you, your heart squeezes at the idea of Tim having a hard time.
âCome here,â you whisper, welcoming Tim into your arms.
He wraps his arms around your waist as yours circle his shoulders. With his face pressed against your shoulder, you rub his back and let him find comfort in silence for as long as he needs.
âThank you,â Tim says as he straightens and steps back. âI went by the store on my way over here. Let me make you dinner?â
âAfter the week youâve had? How about I make you dinner?â you counter.
âMeet in the middle and make dinner together?â Tim asks.
You smile and nod, offering your hand to make the deal official. Tim shakes it once, then kisses your knuckle and spins you quickly. The move makes you laugh before you catch yourself against his chest.
You stand together and feel Maverickâs tail swipe across your shin. You look down, surprised to see him circling your legs contently, especially while standing close to Tim. After a few laps around you, Maverick moves in a figure eight to walk around Tim, too.
âI think thatâs progress,â you whisper.
âMaybe he finally saw that I care about you, and Iâm not trying to take his place,â Tim adds. âRight, Mav?â Maverick freezes at the mention of his name, and Tim murmurs, âToo soon? I get it.â
Three days after the first successful visit, you invite Tim over again. You prepare a light dinner and set the table, only moving Maverick away from the place settings twice before Tim lets himself in. Maverick jumps from the barstool at your island and runs toward Tim, circling his legs and purring happily. Tim bends over and pulls Maverick to his chest, offering a small treat from his palm.
âWell,â you say as you take a picture. âIt seems like my boys are finally getting along.â
âMaybe we finally bonded over our shared love for you,â Tim replies, gently rubbing Maverickâs ears.
âTim,â you say, setting your phone down. âPut Maverick on the couch.â
âWhy?â Tim asks defensively. âIf it was too soon-â
âPlease?â
Tim sighs as he moves Maverick to a couch cushion, and you smile as you rush toward him. Tim catches you effortlessly after you jump, holding you around the waist as your arms and legs circle him in a tight hug.
âI love you,â you say against his shoulder. His strong arms flex around your waist as you pull back to look at him. âI love you, Tim.â
He smiles and moves a hand to your face. âI love you, too. More than you know.â
âYou dealt with Mav plotting your death, I have an idea.â
âNo, you donât,â Tim argues with a smile. Maverick meows loudly from the couch, and he adds, âSee? Mav gets it.â
#tim bradford x reader#tim bradford fic#tim bradford the rookie#tim bradford#tim bradford imagine#tim bradford x y/n#tim bradford x you#the rookie x reader#the rookie abc#fem!reader#requests#hanna writesâŻ
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i was one of the people who saw the early leaks post and i remember trying not to read too much of it but i had a moment of being like wow this cant be real but also it definitely could be. i remember reading about the damn caitvi sex scene and i thought to myself thats so ass why would they do it in a prison and then i realized the writers probably thought it was some meaningful parallel or something about vi being able to transform being imprisoned with something good
then the act dropped and i saw the damn parallels with cait finding her in the cell and i was like ok yeah. they basically had that as an idea. amanda overton was talking about it in a watch party and said they love their parallels and it was meant to symbolize vi addressing her trauma and im like. i see what they were going for and i get it I GUESS narratively but i really feel like this is such monkeys paw shit like we got this scene at what cost. and like the scene ITSELF was very good and sweet and lovely but like could it not have happened ANYWHERE ELSE?
i feel like the biggest problem with arcane s2 was that the creators rlly wanted to push the bar with animation storytelling. amanda talked about this too and like i feel like it kind of highlights the problem. where bc this show is so amazing graphically the animators wanna highlight that with as much action as possible instead of focusing on smaller scenes and more intimate quiet moments. i watched arcane s1 all at once after it came out and there were def parts that felt a little rushed in certain acts but it was nothing like s2. it just feels like they had all these story beats they wanted to hit but didnt give it the time it deserved and it sucks bc they said they always meant it to be 2 seasons so like why does it feel like this. they wrote them back to back around the same time what happened between s1 and s2. i just feel like the caitvi sex scene is a microcosm of the larger problem. they had these emotional beats and story moments that in isolation are really powerful but its almost like we didnt get a proper A to B transition. its like we skipped several steps for sooo many story beats.
such complex characters with real ass lives causing real ass problems. cait's privilege being an issue, how gratifying that could be to have explored. viktor's experience being explored more in depth. just so much more about zaun. like all of it was there in tiny slivers but it was never given the depth to GROW or properly BREATHE bc five million action scenes and plot points had to be squeezed in.
ultimately i love arcane overall. i think it has broken boundaries and done some amazing things. but its blemishes are really... painful at the same time. and knowing how the writers did such a good job in s1 makes me just like. cmon guys. you had it. YOU HAD IT
anyways sorry for blowing up your ask with so much rambling i just... idk. what are your thoughts on this stuff do you agree with my assessment or do you think the culprit is something else
No prob, welcome to the symposium~ Yeah, I totally get what the writers were going for with Vi. Which is why I am so shocked they thought it was a good idea. Like, okay, she is addressing her trauma in the sex scene... But why should her trauma get addressed by being locked in a jail cell by her sister, who just spent days being wrongfully imprisoned in there by the girl she's about to have sex with, and who then told her she was gonna off herself. If anything, the thing I was feeling was pain because it happened again, a Zaunite was thrown in jail by the Enforcers after she helped and saved them without any rights, and she was reminded she was less than them and her life is worth nothing... Mmmmm, the perfect memory to overwrite prison abuse!
I too felt s1 had some strange pacing choices, Vi and Jayce teamup comes to mind first, and that was, surprise surprise, a fight scene. But those were pretty minor, and still left time for other scenes to develop properly. It only becomes a real problem when it happens scene after scene, character after character, until no one is acting in character and you constantly feel like you have skipped a scene or two. I too remmeber them saying they wrote the seasons back to back, but. Dare I say it. I think s2 was so majorly rewritten by the time it went to recording that only the bare bones remained. In fact, that might be why we feel this way - maybe they DID have a frame they wanted to follow, but the rewrites warped and twisted the characters so intensely they ended up making no sense in the context of that frame. That's right, I'm talking about the way they decided to more closely follow and collaborate with LoL in s2. Jayce's final speech to Viktor only makes sense for game Viktor, and goes completely against s1 Viktor. Vi deciding police brutality doesn't really matter all that much makes sense for game Vi, and foes completely against s1 Vi. Jinx giving up on ever being loved or accepted by others makes sense for game Jinx, and goes completely against s1 Jinx.
So yeah my thesis is: Arcane knows it looks good, and sometimes it prevents it from being well written. It also decided to throw in its lot with LoL in s2, and no amount of good intentions from the writers could have saved it from crashing and burning.
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So I wrote this post the other day about my feelings on the handling of the BuckTommy breakup (which you can read here if you want). And @parrishjeanna reblogged with a link to an article from Tim. I wrote out a reply to it but it became so long I needed to put it in a separate post because itâs over 3k and I need to put it until a readmore.
Okay so I did read that article thank you @kawaiifacesong for linking the not generating revenue clicks because I donât like reading any articles for 9-1-1 because itâs literally all buddies who canât ask anything about the show. (Case in point, in this particular interview, the interviewer brings up âThe Couch Theoryâ because Buck and Eddie sit on a couch.)
So this interview was trash for many reasons but Iâll narrow it down to three for the sake of this response: Biphobic nature of the breakup and aftermath, whatâs being said in interviews isnât what weâre seeing, and Tim writes as he goes so thereâs no actual plan going forward.
First: The Biphobic Nature of this breakup is still moving full swing.
The idea that Buck is âstill figuring himself outâ and needs to explore is insulting in so many waysâespecially to myself as a bisexual lady in my 30s. Firstly, being in my 30s, the idea that you need to figure yourself out still is absolute bullshit. Yes, you can still find new things out about yourself and make some changes, but usually by this point in your life, you have a pretty decent handle on who you are as a person. Which Buck does have⊠and weâve seen that? So it has to be a reference to his newly discovered and realized sexuality.
Which, AGAIN is so biphobic and plays into incredibly harmful bisexual stereotypes that bisexuals need to âexploreâ to figure out what or who they want. This means either they need to fuck around and make sure theyâre really bisexual. OR they need to get enough experience with their same gender to then be able to have a same-gendered relationship. Both of which are insulting and harmful. This idea that Tommy couldnât possibly be a lasting relationship because Buck just came out as bisexual is wrong. Itâs fine if they didnât want Tommy to be a long-term love interest or even an end-game love interest, but why couldnât they have done it differently, to hopefully not play into these harmful stereotypes that are still incredibly prevalent today.
Now do I think they fully intended it to play out as biphobic as it is? Not really, but I do think that the heart of what they wantedâBuck exploring his sexualityâis inherently biphobic because of the way they have chosen to go about it. Thereâs a world of difference between having Tommy break up with Buck so Buck can go exploring and having OS and TM saying similar things in interviews and Tommy and Buck breaking up and Buck getting back out there and dating around. Which if they had given it just a smidge of thought, I have to hope they would have come to that same conclusion and maybe gone about it in a different way.
Second: What Timâs saying in interviews about whatâs happening on the show and in these storylines doesnât match up to what weâre seeing
Iâm going to paste the few paragraphs related to BuckTommy break up here, just to read. I have bolded what I thought was important and what Iâm going to talk about after it.
âLook, I think the breakup was premature, but that was by design. For me, the story that I was trying to tell was hereâs a guy, Tommy. Heâs not a main character on the show. We havenât done âTommy Beginsâ or something. But you do see him in the âBeginsâ episodes, in flashbacks, and by the time he leaves in âBobby Begins Again,â heâs turned over a new leaf. Heâs feeling more comfortable. Heâs hanging out with the new people at the 118 once Bobby takes over, and they throw him a party and bake him a cake when he goes off to his new post. There was even a reference in Broken when Chimney calls him to do the water drop,â Minear explained. âBut Tommyâs a guy whoâs in a different place in his life than Buck is. And I think what Tommy realizes is exactly what he said, which is, âIâm not your last. Iâm your first.'â Minear referenced the coffee shop scene in Season 7, where Buck asked Tommy to give them another shot and come to his sisterâs wedding, as a point when Tommy thought, âAlright, this guyâs kind of great. Heâs super hot and heâs sweet. And this will be nice. And Iâm going to be vulnerable for this.â As the relationship grew stronger and the stakes grew higher, however, Tommy reevaluated things. âI think Tommy, in the end, understood that this was not forever â that Buck is exploring himself. Heâs still figuring himself out. And even if Tommy doesnât know it, he might sense the fact that Buck likes to jump in with both feet a little bit precipitously,â Minear mused. âSo was the breakup premature? Yes. Because Tommy was put in a position where he had to be honest. And once he speaks the truth, which is, âI think I know where this ends, and I canât move in with you,â heâs kind of breaking the spell â the spell of that honeymoon. Tommy even says, âI didnât see this coming either.â I donât think either one of them did.â
Okay, lots of things happening in this quote but ultimately thereâs a massive disconnect in what TM thinks is happening or what heâs saying is happening and what is actually on screenâand thatâs a huge problem. You canât rely on interviews to explain things, it needs to be in the actual text of the episode.
I think the real crux of the issue is this: âTommyâs a guy whoâs in a different place in his life than Buck is⊠Tommy, in the end, understood that this was not forever⊠heâs kind of breaking the spellâthe spell of that honeymoon.â
Letâs break this down a bit. Tommy being in a different place in his life than Buck⊠How? Buck has, since the pilot episode, been looking and searching for a stable romantic relationshipâheâs always craved that and wanted that. Even in the breakup, he was thinking about their future and marriage and moving in with Tommy. Is that not what the next logical step of a relationship might be? So doesnât thatâregardless of whether it was premature or notâprove that Buck and Tommy are in the same place of clearly wanting a long-term, committed relationship? So if this wasnât the case, why didnât you show that? Show them having that disconnect or make it clear that Tommyâs dropping hints about their future and Buck is not in the same place so heâs not picking up on them at all. Because what we saw was Buck wanting and seeing a future with Tommy and Tommy basically telling him that the doesnât actually. Â
âTommy, in the end, understood that this was not forever â that Buck is exploring himself. Heâs still figuring himself out.â This is my villain origin pointâfor real. Because this is also not what we saw! What we saw, was a Buck who was so secure in himself and his relationship, arguably for the first time on this show, that he didnât panic or second-guess anything really. He was all-in with Tommy and enjoying himself and being with Tommy. He even said that being with Tommy makes him more comfortable with himselfâaka what a lot of couples say when theyâre in committed and reciprocal, healthy romantic relationshipsâthat being with you makes me happy being me. (Paraphrasing here, but hopefully my point gets across.)
Because what is there for Buck to figure out yet? He knows heâs bisexual and incredibly into Tommy. Heâs happy and content with his work life and seems pretty happy with where heâs living. His relationships with his friends and family are all as good as they usually are. So what is there for Buck to still figure out? Iâm left to assume that this is again only about his sexuality, which just keeps adding more to the pile of shit that makes me feel crappy and uncomfortable with this storyline.
Also, why couldnât Buck and Tommy last? Why is that assumed to be the correct conclusion to come to? How many high school sweethearts get together and last? How many people who donât date until theyâre in their 20s-30s find someone right away and stay together? How many people come out as queer later in life because they have found someone they click with and it just makes them see more of themselves and they stay together? Sure, this is not the case with every single person in these situations, but itâs not unheard of. To me, this just feels like the show and Tim are acting like Buck is a young, 20-year-old child and now a grown man in his 30sâŠ
What we actually saw on our screens, was two people who genuinely seemed to enjoy each other and spending time together. That had an easy and sweet relationship, where they both felt settled and comfortable together. Itâs why the weird change in 806 felt so abruptâwhat do you mean these two people who had amazing communication up until that point, have not talked about their past relationships at all? I think that was done as a shortcut for the writers and TM to say, âLook, see, theyâre not compatible, they canât last because theyâre not talking about anything serious.â But again, my point is: then you should have showed us that beforehand, given some foreshadow or lead up to it. Instead, they chose to blindside the audience for the âshock valueâ and it didnât work. Shock value for shock valueâs sake never works for the audience. They donât want the rug to be pulled out from under them, they want to see you building something and only after itâs built can they see what you were doing the whole time.
Now, I understand that they just wanted to break them up for âstoryâ reasons (which I have no faith is going to be anything good). While I personally hate that because I feel like there would have been much more storylines and things for Buck to be involved in and it would have opened up a lot more potential stories for the future, I get that itâs not my decision to make. But why couldnât they actually make this make sense in the actual context of what weâd seen already? If you wanted to break them up because theyâre in different places, then having Buck ask Tommy to move in could have caused more of an argument of Tommy saying that Buck doesnât really see him and doesnât seem to understand that Tommy has a whole life outside of Buck. O Tommy could have been the one to propose moving in together and Buck freaks out because itâs too soonâwhich leaves Tommy to come to the conclusion that they want different things right now and he canât just sit around and hoping Buck will catch up because it would be too hard for him to let go of Buck later. Or have Tommy literally going to a different placeâwhether temporarily or permanentlyâand so they have to break up because Buck has a whole life here and Tommy wasnât about to ask Buck to uproot himself for TommyâŠ
Thereâs so many other ways this breakup could have gone instead of the route they wentâand they would have made much more sense contextually. Instead, they went this cheapest way possible and have Buck now acting like a child about calling Tommy, when in reality and with the growth weâd seen of Buck in the past 8 years, he would have reached out to Tommy already. At least to talk things through. The baking thing was cute for an episode and it would have been okay for longer, but Iâm just sitting here wondering exactly why Buck canât call Tommy⊠If itâs because heâs hurt, then they needed to say that because right now, it just seems like Buck is literally being forced to not call him but the audience isnât really sure why.
All this brings me to my biggest point. Third: I donât trust anything thatâs being said in interviews or by TM because he doesnât write in advance and thatâs a major problem
Before we get into it let me make a disclaimer: Iâm gonna need every single network and studio to start requiring all the white men who write for them to actually be getting them scripts. We cannot rely on their âgeniusâ to make sense because these scriptsâespecially season 8âshould have had a few more passes before what weâve seen. The only episode so far that actually felt like a complete episode was the Halloween episode.
And if this season has taught us anything, itâs that Tim not having any real plans or anything written is actually a massive problem for this show.
Now me not believing TM is not me saying that I 100% believe Tommy is coming back (though I feel like the chances are higher now with the reaction from the GA for ABC to suggest some things or at least give a closure beat to this character and relationship) This is more, nothing that TM has said in interviews up until this point for season 8 has really actually happened on screen except for Eddie shaving his moustache⊠Granted, I donât read every single article with him so I might have missed something, but I just feel like heâs got no interest in setting anything up and actually paying it off in any real way.
So many people were so excited for season 8 because it was the first season in years where we actually knew so many storylines going into 8âthat werenât told to us in interviews; they were introduced in the actual show! We had Bobby/Athenaâs house hunting, HenRen fighting Ortiz and trying to get Mara back, Madney fostering Mara in HenRenâs place, Eddie dealing with Christopher leaving, and Gerrard back at the 118. Any one of those storylines would have been so amazing to really see explored and fleshed out. Instead, everything was basically settled and done by episode 4âapart from Christopher and Eddie resolution and Bobby/Athena actually moving in / building. To me, as a writer myself, that decision to rush though those other stories was a massive massive misstep. There was so much there to explore and delve into that could have been so satisfying to watch and really reap the emotional payoff.
Instead, we had like 2-4 minutes max of processing HenRen not being able to see Mara again before they were all reunited. Not that I wanted to see HenRen struggling again in this way, but it would have been different and they could have put some humor into it with Karen suggesting they tail Ortiz and try to find things out about herâor Hen comes back from a shift to find Karen has stayed up for 38 hours tracking every single facebook post from Ortiz and her family to try and find something they could use and sheâs the one who uncovered the link between Ortiz and Gerrard, which then promts Hen to ask Buck as Gerrardâs specialist boy to ask for a favor or try to convince Gerrard to help them deal with Ortiz.
And Maddie and Chimney having Mara would have been so interesting to see them actually having conversations about what they want for their family going forwardâdo they want more kids, do they not? Are they wanting to try naturally or adoption? And then Mara being with Chimeny could have also added another layer of tension between Hen and Chimney with Hen being jealous that Chimney is raising her daughter.
I mean Eddie⊠the fact that it took 8 episodes (basically) for him to actually acknowledge that he needs to do something to be a part of his sonâs life is a major problem as well. It makes me not want to root for Eddie to reconcile with Chris because he has shown hardly any initiative in actually confronting what he did and the actual reason why Chris is so upset and feels betrayed. There was a little in 6, but thatâs sort of it.
Bobby and Athena, they just donât seem to know what to do with them anymore. And thatâs a shame because there are so many things they could doânamely my favorite thing which is give them more comedy to do! They are so funny together (cruise ship is one of my favorite things). Or they could have had the first few episodes be them sort of couch surfing through the firefam and be a fun little runner of âwe really need to figure out what weâre doing.â Even their storyline of their house burning just doesnât seem to be a thing anymore.
Buck, it would have been so amazing to see him dealing with the work stuff more and having Tommy to lean on, to see Buck whoâs been pretty secure in his work for the past few seasons now dealing with Bobby being gone and Gerrard there, just really gets him thinking about the future. Or even the comment about budget cuts, why was that never brought up again? That would have been so interesting to lead up to the midseason finale, which of the 118 is going to get laid off? And Buck being in such a secure spot maybe he volunteers because he wants to explore something outside of firefighting and/or because everyone else has kids and a family and he knows itâs easier for him to not have a job? And then heâs saying his goodbyes and the midseason act out is Bobby announcing that Eddie is going to be leaving them instead.
Instead of really exploring any of that, itâs all been rushed through to move on to the next thing, but the honest truth is: I donât trust what TMâs great next thing is because he absolutely squandered all the potential he had going into season 8. So all these âamazing thingsâ he has going forward I just donât trust theyâre going to happen or even be slightly interesting. Instead, I assume theyâre going to be something thatâs like an episode opening and then never mentioned again if they do happen.
I just donât understand what is going on in his head other than ego right now and Iâm just⊠I deal with too many egos in my life to deal with another one like this.
#didn't expect this to end up as long as it is but i guess i had a lot to say and honestly still have a lot to say but mentally need a break#but this has just made me want to get back into actually writing and maybe writing my own version of season 8#one day I'll move on but it took me months to get over magicians and this is bringing those feelings back a bit#bucktommy#911 critical#911 season 8
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Marvel: Unplanned Chapter Five
Parings: Bucky Barnes x Reader (First person written though)
Description:
"It says...it says it's positive doll" His voice matching mine in a quiet shaky whisper.
"Fuck... I'm pregnant?"
"Yeah doll, you're pregnant"
"Fuck" I whisper.
Rating: Explicit
Chapter Warnings: Swearing, smut
Chapter Words: 2,809
(I have the urge for every Marvel fanfic I write to have a seperate timeline where nothing bad happens, and everyone is happy)
When the little notification on my phone told me I was 14 weeks pregnant, I smiled softly to myself, I walked to the kitchen to make myself lunch, my hand gently resting on my tiny bump, it was barely there, but I could tell it was an actual bump, even if the others couldn't.Â
Once in the kitchen I started making myself lunch, dancing to the music in my head as I cooked. Until I felt a nudge in my stomach, I stopped cooking my spoon dropping onto the kitchen counter.Â
"Bucky!" I yelled, knowing his super soldier hearing would hear me, soon he was rushing into the room, his book in hand.Â
"Doll, what's wrong?" He asks, his voice laced with worry.Â
"Come feel!" I say, giggling as I reached for his hand. I took his hand in mine and placed it against my stomach.Â
"Just wait" I say excitedly. We waited for a few moments until the little nudge happened again.
"Is...is that...did the baby just kick?" He asks, his eyes wide, he looked at me with a mix of surprise and awe.Â
"You felt it?" I asked. Bucky nods, a smile slowly spreading across his face. He looks from my stomach to my face.Â
"Yeah doll! I felt it...It's really real now, isn't it? We're having a baby..." He says quietly. "Yeah it's real" I whisper, my hand stroking my lower stomach, just below where Bucky's hand was. He looks at me, his perfect blue eyes filled with a mixture of emotions, there's excitement, wonder but also a hint of nervousness.Â
"It's growing in there, doll. Our baby" He whispers.Â
"Yeah it is" I say, moving my hand up to rest on his as he still held my stomach. Bucky looks down to my little bump again, his fingers slowly tracing over me.Â
"Still can't believe this is happening, we're gonna be parents doll"Â
"Don't say that, it send fear through me" I chuckle lightly. Anxiety prickling up within me, the baby nudged again in my stomach, making my chest flutter. Bucky chuckles, his hand moving so he can pull me into a hug, he kissed the side of my head as he held me tight.Â
"Yeah, I get it..It's a big responsibility, but we'll figure it out, together" He whispers in my ear. I take in a deep breath, a conversation we needed to have rested heavily on me, and I couldn't hold it in anymore.Â
"Bucks, we need to talk" I mumble into his shoulder, he steps back and raises an eyebrow at me, a look of concern washing over his face.
"What's on your mind?"Â
"We...haven't spoken about our relationship" I say, my voice shaking a little. His expression grows more serious, he takes a deep breath and runs a hand through his hair.Â
"Right...our relationship...It's complicated, isn't doll?" He asks, a nervous chuckle leaving his lips.Â
"I know before the pregnancy, we said we'd keep it casual...but, like is that something you still want?" I ask quietly. I watch as he looks at me, I wished I could read his mind.Â
"Honestly doll" He starts, his hand running through his hair and down the back of his neck "I'm not sure, at first I didn't want anything serious, it was easier that way...But the more time we spend together..." He stops, his words trailing.Â
"Yeah...same here. Maybe we shouldn't worry about you?" We've got enough to worry about" I say nervously. Bucky says nothing for a moment and watches me, his eyes softening. He nods slightly.Â
"Yeah doll, you're right..Let's take things one step at a time" He says hesitantly "We've got the pregnancy to focus on, we don't need another complication to the mix"
"Yeah, exactly" I say unsure.Â
"Promise me one thing doll?"
"What's that?"
"Promise me, we'll be honest with each other?" He asks, I smile softly.Â
"Of course, Bucky...Can I ask you something?" I ask, he nods, looking at me with a mixture of curiosity and concern.Â
"Can we still sleep together? Or will that complicate things more?" I ask, my eyes trailing down his muscles. His eyebrows raise slightly.Â
"I..." He pauses "I don't think it would complicate things, it we're honest with one another about what is means"Â
I smirk and lift my hand to hold his jaw, I stepped closer, pressing my body against his. I giggle softly as his breath hitches slightly, his eyes flicker from mine to my body, a mix of surprise and desire in his gaze.Â
"Doll..." He murmurs, his voice low and a little hoarse.Â
"Mmm yes Bucky?" I ask seductively as I run my nail across his jaw and down his neck, leaving a faint red line. He swallows hard as I trace down his neck, he shivers and let's out the smallest moan. His eyes darken with want.Â
"Doll, you know what you're doing to me, don't you?" He asks quietly. I nodded eagerly smirking. Bucky's previous restraint snaps and with a swift, fluid motion, he wraps his arm around my waist, pulling my tighter against him, his lips capture mine in a hungry, intense kiss. I smiled against his lips, wrapping my arms around his neck.Â
Bucky deepens the kiss, his tongue exploring my mouth as he presses his body against mine. His hands roam over my body, rubbing over my curves and softness, holding me firmly against him.Â
"Mhmmm Bucky" I moan against his lips. I felt his lips turn up into a grin, his voice sending shivers down my body, He breaks the kiss, his lips moving down to my neck, kissing and biting the sensitive skin, his hands holding my hips.Â
"You drive me crazy doll" He mutters between kisses, his voice low and rough with desire.Â
"Let's go to my room" I smirk. Bucky nods, his eyes full of desire as he takes my hand in his, he starts pulling me towards my room. When we reached my doorway, he gently pushed me against the door, pinning my body, his eyes burning with want as he looks down at me.Â
"You're mine" He whispers, his hands roaming over my body, pulling me closer.Â
"I am?" I smirk, trying not to let it go to my heart. I watch as he grins, his cheeks flushing a light red as he lowered his face to the curve of my neck, where he nips and kisses along my skin. His hands move down my sides and then back up again, his touch rough and possessive.Â
"Yes doll" He murmurs against my skin, his voice low and ragged "You're mine"
I giggle softly and open the door to my bedroom, I take his hand and pulled him into my room.Â
"Thought we were keeping it casual?" I ask, a playful smirk on my lips.Â
"Plans change, you're too damn irresistible" He murmurs, stepping close to me, his body pressing against mine, he reaches up putting both of his hands on my hips.Â
"Aw, you're cute" I smirk, pulling him with me as I walked backwards to my bed "We'll talk about that later"
"I'm not the cute one, doll" He whispers, I move to lie on the bed and he crawls on top of me, his eyes looking over my body, appreciating every inch of me. I press my lips to his as I start lifting his shirt, feeling his body as I move my hands. I hear his breath hitch, his hips moved down to grind against me.Â
Once his shirt was off, I moved forward to kiss his neck, my tongue licked at his skin as my hands rubbed over his shoulders.Â
"Doll" He whispers, his voice a little gruff "Keep doing that, and I won't be able to hold back for much longer"Â
"Please don't hold back"
I watch as he grins at my words, his eyes dark with desire. He captures my lips in a passionate kiss, his tongue exploring my mouth as he presses his body impossibly closer to mine. His hands roamed over my body, mapping every curve and contour of my body as he lets out a low growl against my lips.Â
"You're impossible to resist doll" He murmurs between kisses "And right now, I don't want to resist you."
"Hmm good" I say, licking his lips. His eyes don't break away from mine as his metal fingers move to my shirt, undoing the buttons one by one, his fingers nimble and impatient. His lips move down to my neck, leaving a trail of kisses and little bites as he finally gets my shirt off. My arms fly down to my stomach, covering my small bump feeling a little insecure. He stops kissing my neck and looks down to my stomach.Â
I watch as he frowns and moves his flesh hand to my stomach moving my arms, his fingers trailed lightly over my bump, he looks at me, his expression serious and sincere.Â
"Don't do that doll" He says softly "You're beautiful...And this..." He says, his hand gently stroking my bump "Is our baby, it's not something to hide"
"I'm sorry, I'm still getting use to it" I say quietly. He smiles at me, his eyes locking onto mine.Â
"You don't need to apologise doll, it must be a lot to adjust to, but please don't feel like you have to hide it from me, I think you're beautiful" He whispers, he then leans down, moving his body to brush his lips against my stomach in a tender kiss. I smile fondly at him, feeling my heart beat faster than it had been.Â
Bucky kisses a trail along my stomach, up my chest, he unclasps my bra and throws it across the room, his tongue darts out to play with my nipple.Â
"I want...I want you so bad, doll" He whispers against my skin.Â
"I want you, take me please?" I beg, my voice sounding pathetic.Â
"Do you know have any idea how hot it is, when you beg like that?" He purrs, his eyes darkened with desire, his voice low and gravely. As he spoke he moved his body up, his lips leveled with mine now.Â
"You like that baby? You like hearing how bad I want you? I need you Bucky, please?" I beg, looking up at him through my eyelashes. He lets out a low growl, I could tell he was starting to loose control, his eyes burned with a fierce, primal need as he looked at me.Â
"You drive me crazy doll, begging me like that"Â
I moved forward kissing him again, he kissed me back with a ferocious intensity, his tongue delving into my mouth, tasting me as I tasted him. His hands moved down the sides of my body, caressing me, I ran my nails gently over his back, hoping to leave marks in his perfect skin. I moved my lips from his, kissing along his stubbly jaw and down his neck, I sucked marks into his sink, each time he moaned I thrusted my hips up into his.Â
We both take a second to wiggle out of our trousers and underwear, finally naked, I kiss his shoulder as his fingers move to touch my wet pussy, his metal fingers slide down my folds spreading me, as I moaned filthily, gently biting into the skin of his shoulder.Â
"Fuck" I whisper as he pushes two metal fingers into me. He had been reluctant to touch my pussy with his metal fingers when we first started sleeping together, but when he realised I got wetter at the use of his metal appendages, he used them more and more. I moaned loudly and spread my legs further, his fingers moving inside of me faster, the stretch hurt a little, but I liked that.Â
"God, you're so beautiful" He whispers.Â
"Fuck..Thank you"Â
"You don't need to thank you doll" He mutters, his fingers moving faster "It's just the truth...You're perfect, beautiful..... and mine"Â
"Yes! Fuck, I'm yours" I squeal as I come around his fingers, my tight hole tightening around his fingers.Â
"That's right doll, you're all mine" He growls, his fingers fucking me through my orgasm "All mine"Â
"Fuck, Bucky..Take me, I need you" I begged, my legs shaking slightly. I hear him let out a low, guttural moan as I beg, his body tenses. He moves his metal hand to grip his cock, his fingers not even meeting around it, he moved slightly, the head of his cock rubbing up and down my pussy, covering himself in my wetness before he plunges forward pushing his huge cock inside of me slowly, so slowly that I felt the veins of his cock against the walls of my pussy.Â
Once he was fully inside of me, he rested his forehead against mine, both of us breathing heavily, we hadn't slept together since before we found out about the pregnancy, and in this moment, I could feel how badly he needed this, he needed it as much as I did. He moved his metal hand to hold onto my hip as he slowly started to fuck me. His flesh hand came to hold my jaw, his thumb moving against my cheek, our eyes met, not moving away. Our bodies moved perfectly together, the act felt too intimate this time, but neither of us stopped as he moved with one another.Â
His hips moved faster, and his metal hand moved down, two of his fingers snaking down to circle my clit. I moaned loudly, and wrapped my legs around his waist, his cock moved deeper within me as he moved his hips away and slammed back into me, I squealed loudly in his ear as I felt my body shake against his, I came hard, my legs tightening around his hips as the feeling washed over my body.Â
"That's my girl" He groaned, his hips fucking harder into me, his groans became louder and his hips faster as he came hard inside of me, spilling into me.Â
"Fuck" I mumbled as his hips stopped, his cock was still inside of me, softening slightly.Â
"Damn doll" He groaned slowly taking his cock out of me "You drive me crazy...That was amazing"
"It really was" I whisper as I watch him collapse beside me, his breathing ragged and labored. He drapes an arm over me, pulling me against his, his face nuzzling into my neck.Â
"Bucky..."I say very unsure about what I was about to say, I didn't look at him, only looking up at the ceiling. "Maybe, we could try... you know... being together?"
Bucky sits up, his eyes widening as he looks at me. "You mean...being together, as in a couple?"
"Yeah?" I say, unsure. I felt my heart thudding against my chest, scared as he stares at me for a moment not saying anything. And then a slow, genuine smile spreads across his face.Â
"Doll...really?" He asks, his eyes wide and hopeful "You want to be...an official couple? With me?"
"Well I mean, we're already having a baby together, why not?" I say, smiling. I watch as he reaches his flesh hand out to cup my cheek, his eyes sincere and serious.Â
"Doll, you have no idea how happy you've just made me"
"No, tell me?"
"I didn't realise before, or maybe I did, but being with you, starting a family with you, it just feels right, I know we didn't plan it, but doll, you make me so happy"
My eyes soften at his words, I felt my cheeks flush and my heart swell.Â
"Oh wow Bucky, funny how we hated each other a few months ago" I say chuckling. Bucky copies my chuckle, his eyes sparkling with amusement.Â
"Yeah, who would of know?"
"Yeah...I'm glad we slept together that first time"Â
"Me too doll, me too"
"We're gonna be a family Buck" I say quietly, moving my hand to rest over my little bump. "So tell me, do you want a boy or a girl?"Â
I watch as Bucky ponders the question, his hand moving up to gently stroke my hair, a small smile crept onto his lips.Â
"Honestly doll, I don't care, as long as it's healthy, and happy, that's all that matters" He explains.Â
"Yeah definitely" I agree "But I think I want a girl"
Bucky grins, his eyes lighting up at your words.Â
"A girl huh? I bet she'll be just as beautiful as you"
"Oh please, I'm not that beautiful" I say rolling my eyes. I watch as his eyebrows furrow at my words, his expression serious as he looks at me.Â
"Doll, you're one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen"
"Shut up" I laugh.Â
"No you" He grins, before moving over to press his lips to mine. He pulls me closer, and holds me as we lay there together.Â
(I do not consent my works to be posted anywhere else, by anyone other than myself)
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