#but on wednesday I started getting dizzy multiple times in a day-

[skydreamplayzz]

*staring at your art for no reason*

Hi! Hope I'm not bothering you! What ya doing?

Not bothering at all, I'm just at home <:

I'm playing some games, and I'm learning for a exam on monday. ^^" I wanna draw but I can't concetrate when I get dizzy like every 5 minutes- It's annoying. And you ? (if ya wanna respond)

[dreamsontheirway]

Lemon & Honey | S.R.

Summary: The reader has postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome, or POTS, and suffers from fainting spells. Warnings: POTS, fainting Word Count: 2.1k

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Growing up, you always had awful menstrual cycles. They were heavy, you were emotional, and black dots danced in your vision each time you stood up. When you became a teenager and started the birth control pill, your cycles became better, more consistent. But that was also when the fainting started.

In your teenage years and into young adulthood, you fainted multiple times a week, sometimes more. At first, the doctors had no idea what was wrong and they thought the worst. It was a scary time for you and your family, not knowing what was causing these debilitating fainting spells.

Finally, a couple months after your twenty-first birthday, you went to a new doctor. You soon learned that your extreme menstrual cycles and your fainting spells were connected. You were diagnosed with POTS.

You recalled the memory, your brows furrowing in confusion as your mother’s hand held yours.

“Postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome,” the doctor furthered. “Your fainting is caused by an extreme change in heart rate, particularly when changing from a seated to standing position.”

“Fainting isn’t always a common symptom,” the doctor continued, looking at you with kind eyes. “But it can happen more than people realize. There’s nothing wrong with you, Y/N. We will get you on a medicine to manage this.”

You liked to think that miracle doctor saved your life that day. If it weren’t for him, you may still have these debilitating fainting spells. If it weren’t for him, you would have never found a medicine that reduced your fainting to once in a blue moon. If it weren’t for him, you would’ve never joined the FBI and met the love of your life, Spencer Reid.

You and Spencer have been dating for several months, but he has yet to learn about your diagnosis. With how managed it is now, it merely feels like an afterthought for you.

However, that doesn’t mean Spencer hasn’t picked up on a few things over the course of your relationship. He noticed how awful your periods messed with you; the cramps and the depression. He noticed the way you gripped the side of the table until your knuckles turned white upon standing up from your desk.

Spencer knew that there were a multitude of reasons for these behaviors. Maybe she has low iron levels? Could it be orthostatic hypotension? Unfortunately for Spencer, there was never a way to fully diagnose your symptoms. He was forced to sit and witness, and take care of you, with your struggles. Spencer probably would’ve figured out your diagnosis, if it weren’t for the fact that you’d never fainted around him, yet.

That fateful day came on a Wednesday in the middle of October. The trees were transforming, swirling colors of red and orange and yellow. You walked into the bullpen, preparing yourself for the mountains of case files you knew you had to complete.

You had woken up feeling the symptoms. The pounding in your chest, the dizziness. You could often tell when it was going to be a bad day in terms of your diagnosis, but today you brushed it off. It had been months since you fainted, and you were beginning to hope that you never would again. You realized that was likely wishful thinking, but you continued your morning as normal.

Well, somewhat normal. Upon sitting at your desk, you realized you probably shouldn’t have coffee today. You probably shouldn’t have tea, either, but you needed something. The caffeine from the drinks spiked your heart rate, making fainting inevitable on a day like today. Your thoughts were interrupted by the kind voice of your boyfriend.

“Good morning, I picked this up on my way in.”

A tea bag was draped over the side of the cafe take out cup, and you grinned. Somehow, Spencer always knew what you needed, despite you having yet telling him about your POTS.

“It’s a green tea with a splash of black, with lemon and honey.” Spencer smiled goofily, his mouth straight, but outstretched and downturned. You always thought he looked reminiscent of an amphibian, in the cutest possible way of course.

“You are literally the best thing to ever happen to me,” you spoke, a hint of playfulness in your tone.

Even though you were joking, a part of you really meant it. Sometimes it felt like Spencer read your mind when it came to the things you needed, especially when dealing with your symptoms. Of course, there were many other things that Spencer was a bit clueless about. When it came to your symptoms, though, he somehow just knew.

Spencer occasionally brought you coffee, too, but he had noticed your behavior being off yesterday and last night. He noticed your white knuckles gripping the desk almost every time you stood up yesterday. Last night, he noticed your exhaustion. You two had been sat on your couch, watching a movie. Your head had rested on his shoulder, but you fell asleep nearly twenty minutes into the movie.

Spencer had a hunch, but he wasn’t sure. He was starting to wonder if there was something wrong with your heart rate. If he was correct, coffee was the worst possible thing you could be drinking. In all seriousness, you should only be drinking water, but he knew you needed something to be able to function. So, he decided on your favorite tea order.

Several hours ticked by, the pile of files on your desk slowly but surely decreasing. Your tea was long gone, but your eyes kept fluttering closed. You needed more caffeine or you were going to fall asleep at this desk and probably get written up. The thought of getting in trouble stirred you to a straightened sitting position.

You stood, your head pounding along with your quickened heart rate. Your hands gripped the desk for a few moments, enough time for your vision to clear from the black veil. You continued towards the kitchenette to find something to keep you awake.

Spencer had witnessed the entire ordeal, and he quickly stood and followed you to the kitchenette. If his hunch was correct, any more caffeine would surely make you feel much, much worse.

“Y/N,” he spoke, and you whipped around to look at him. “What’re you doing?”

Your brows furrowed in confusion at your boyfriend’s concerned face.

“I am looking for more tea?” You said, a questioning tone lacing your words.

“I don’t think you should have any more.”

“Excuse me?” You asked incredulously. Spencer had never made any sort of remark about what you should or should not be eating or drinking. Luckily, he typically knew better than that.

“I noticed that you get dizzy when you stand up. If my hunch is correct, any more caffeine may make you more dizzy and potentially lose consciousness.”

You gaped at him, wondering how he had merely hypothesized a diagnosis that had taken years for you and your doctor’s to figure out. He is a doctor, you thought, but not that kind of doctor.

“I don’t see how what I drink is any of your business.” You muttered, more harshly than you intended to.

The continuous pounding in your head paired with the frustration of not having more caffeine just pissed you off. You grabbed a water bottle and stormed back to your desk.

Spencer wasn’t upset at your anger towards him, especially when he saw that you chose a water instead of more tea. He was just glad that you were taking care of yourself. In addition, he knew you’d most likely feel bad about your outburst in a few minutes and everything would be fine. Even if you didn’t, he didn’t care all too much.

You stormed back to your desk, the tips of your ears red with anger and embarrassment. You felt bad for lashing out at Spencer, but frankly, you wanted your damn tea. Now you had to resort to the classic way of waking yourself up, cold water and the stinging on your arms. You pulled a hair band that rested on your wrist above the flesh before letting it ricochet back to your skin, leaving a red mark. It hurt, but it did the trick.

Another hour or so passed, and you had to go to the restroom. Once again, upon standing your vision blackened and you waited a few moments before continuing out of the bullpen.

Of course, in typical Spencer fashion, he noticed it all, but there was something different this time. Not only did the time it took you to regain yourself take much longer, but your eyes were squinted as you left the bullpen. It wasn’t that bright in here. He wondered if you had a headache, or if there was still blackness clouding your vision.

He didn’t have time to decide before he hopped up and followed you. Upon seeing you, he was extremely glad that he did. You were leaned against the hallway wall, starting to sag.

“Y/N!”

He rushed to you then, either hands gripping your waist to hold you steady.

You mumbled something incoherently, your vision almost completely masked by unconsciousness. You felt hands on your waist and it was the permission your body seemed to need in order to let go.

Spencer felt your body go limp, and he pulled you into him before lowering you to the floor.

“Shit, shit, shit,” he muttered frantically, as his hands hovered above you, unsure of what to do.

He reminded himself that most fainting victims will wake up within the minute. He knew he had to be patient, but that was fucking impossible at the sight of his girlfriend unconscious and crumpled on the floor.

He was about to get up and call for help when he heard you groan.

“Love,” he cooed, falling to his knees, his hand softly grazing your flushed cheek.

“Spence?”

“Yeah, beautiful, it’s me. I’m right here.”

“Did I faint?” Your eyes were still closed, presumably to shield yourself from the harsh light of the hallway.

“Yeah, love, you did.”

You slowly nodded and started to sit up. Spencer started to protest, but he decided to help you lean against the wall instead.

“I’m sorry, Spencer, it’s my fault. I should’ve been more careful like you said.”

His brows crumpled. He felt guilty for making you feel as if this was your fault.

“You didn’t do anything wrong.” He kissed your temple, his heart fluttering with thankfulness that you were alright.

“Spence, I have to tell you something.”

His heart fluttered in anticipation, worried of what you might say. He nodded, encouraging you to continue.

“I have POTS, it’s,”

“Postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome,” Spencer finished for you, a guilty smile playing his lips when he realized he interrupted you.

“Yeah,” you smiled at him, thankful that you wouldn’t have to go through the spiel of explanation. Of course, not that you expected you’d have to with Spencer, the resident genius.

“I’m sorry, Y/N,” he started, rubbing your cheek again. “It seems like you have a bad case of it.”

She paled at the memory of what she had gone through growing up.

“It used to be worse, if you can believe it.”

Spencer’s jaw tightened, bothered that you’d had to go through any of this. The fact that it used to be worse pulled on the strings of his heart.

“What can I do?”

You smiled at him, thankful for his understanding and willingness to help.

“If I’m being honest, I should probably go home, but all those files,” you paused, groaning at the thought of your continuous mountain of case files.

“No, we’re going home. I’ll bring your case files and work on them.” Spencer stated matter-of-factly.

You didn’t protest; you knew how fast his reading skills were, and you were at the point where you’d appreciate any help.

“Will you tell Hotch? I’ll grab my stuff," you spoke and started to sit up, but Spencer softly held your shoulders down.

“No, you stay here. I’ll grab your stuff and be right back. I don’t want you fainting again.”

“Spence,” you began to protest, but he was already gone.

You smiled lovingly, sipping at the water from the bottle that he had brought with him when he followed you. You felt so thankful to be with a man like Spencer, someone who looked after you and knew what you needed when you needed it. You loved Spencer Reid, you realized, and you would tell him as soon as he came back.

-----

Part II (?)

A/N: Wow, this was the longest single-shot fic I've written! It sort of was just at the tips of my fingers and wrote itself. I really love it and I hope you do, too! Please let me know if you'd like a part 2!

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[hag-o-hags]

last weekend I went way too hard, and by Sunday night I was running on completely empty. not even partying hard, just. Ikea and redecorating and blah blah blah blah blah, in our mid-30s we ball.

all this week I've been OUT, batteries dead, zero energy, can't brain for shit, plus Mon/Tues/Wed I have a sore throat, so I'm hitting it with alka-seltzer the first couple days, till it starts to feel better and I'm just drinking SO much tea.

Wednesday the Dizzy starts. By Thursday, I can't sit up without everything spinning, and through Sunday, I have to be flat on my back. Getting up to feed the creachurs is exhausting, disorienting, and generally miserable, let alone feeding myself. Dramamine does nothing. Also, super bonus, my body fucking hurts because I can't move!

Surprise, this is exactly what getting over La Rona felt like, except I don't have La Rona.

Since November I've been sort of operating on yes, this is still LongTallShortFatCovid in the absence of enough data to officially diagnose it, so let's just behave like it's ME/CFS and see what happens. So, supine on the sofa on Sunday, I'm trying to figure out if Gentle Stretches™ are a good or bad idea with post-exertional malaise (the hallmark ME/CFS symptom that I am pretending I know I have for reasons of science). Because, again, I am stiff and sore and I fucking ache.

I know that unfortunately there's a LOT of anecdata and not much hard review around symptom relief, but I also know there's quite a lot of people trying to figure out what works. One person's dribbly candles and magic circles and stuffed crocodile hanging from the ceiling and 13 other chronically ill people chanting the universe's esoteric and black history leads to another person's 4 cc of mouse blood and three small sticks.

I found a blog with a good enough balance of science vs multiple personal experiences that it felt worth digging into -- also Gentle Stretches™ probably not gonna make PEM worse, thank god, sitting yoga ahoy. Some people found NSAIDs or steroids helped them to recover, but the really interesting one to me was a couple very very very small studies about Dextromethorphan Hbr, an OTC cough suppressant.

That tinged a tiny little ding in my foggy jelly brain, and I rooted around like a drunk opossum until I found the alka-seltzer box in the recycling. (Coulda looked this up online. But again, jelly brain.) The cough suppressant is DXM Hbr. And it's got aspirin. I'd been taking a little ibuprofen all week because Ache, so it wasn't necessarily the NSAID. But when I phased out the cough suppressant, that's when the dizzy started.

It's just a correlation, I've got n=1 here. I know that. But I took a standard dose of OTC cough syrup (DXM Hbr and guaifenesin -- no NSAIDs), and in a couple hours I could get up, and walk around the yard and water the plants, despite being kinda dizzy. I started some laundry. I kept taking it just according to the directions yesterday, and today, for the first time in an ENTIRE WEEK, I can think enough to write, I can go upstairs without needing to sit after, and I'm a little lightheaded but I'm not stumbling.

Placebo is a thing of course, but also, Dramamine couldn't touch this, even though it helped last time. Day by day it was getting worse, not better, and I was laying on the couch because I'd finally managed to finish a shower but I couldn't be upright any more afterward.

(All shower euphoria is erased when I gotta sit flopped on the ground towing the faucet hose around my head and trying not to blast my eyeballs out.)

I have an appointment with my doctor on Wednesday. I'm really lucky -- she's been great thus far, and takes me seriously when I say wacky things like I HAVE AN HYPOTHESIS REGARDING THESE SYMPTOMS, CAN WE LOOK INTO THEM. ("Yes and also would you like a referral to get spayed").

That being said, Saturday morning, I cried and cried, feeling like I had to hold onto the sofa to not fall off, because I'm scared and frustrated and angry and grieving. Grief is probably the worst because right now I don't know what I've lost. If I've lost anything. If this is real, if it's going to pass, if I'm panicking ... or if this is my life. Other disabilities have taken things from me -- doors that get closed and then bricked over. This feels like I could get shut in one room forever, like. Yes you, the Stress Powered Engine, who lives for pushing eustress as close to distress as you possibly can for fun and profit! Doing that will now hit you like a semi at highways speeds!

Or, I could recover. I don't have the data to know.

[naritaren]

My day sucked and I'm going to bitch about it.

Context: I am a program director and I oversee multiple group homes that serve IDD and TBI residents. I started my day by not realizing it snowed over the weekend and I wasn't wearing gloves (or a jacket or a hat) while chipping iced over snow off the car. I get to work, walk inside, notice something was *off* with one of my residents. I throw my stuff downstairs in my office and head back upstairs to chat with staff and to take a better look. One of my residents had their entire right side drooping and not able to prop himself up in his chair, a bleed in his eye, he seemed extra lethargic, was having more memory issues than normal, and slurring his words. I told staff to call EMS because those are signs of a fucking stroke. I ask the staff when it started (thinking it was today) and they tell me they noticed it Friday night and had waited until today to email the doctor to ask for advice. At no point did they ever think to call the on-call nurse or me or anyone. They opted to wait until today to *email* someone. I wasn't on site at that house last week because there was a nasty storm, I had some doctors appointments, and I was at the other houses I oversee. But like? My phone is always on. They could have called. After he's picked up by EMS, I go back downstairs to do my job and by this point it's almost 1pm and I see I have an email from my director asking to make sure I have my table and chairs set up in my office for our meeting on Wednesday.

Reader, they were still in the box and haven't been assembled. I was supposed to have a training tomorrow so I was rushing to get things put together. I assembled a bookcase, table, and got almost done with one of the two chairs before realizing I fucked it up and had to disassemble it. I finally check my email and see that m thing for tomorrow got cancelled and about die. At this point I'm both emotionally tired and physically tired and the tism is taking over. The first time I ate today was at 2pm when a staff member came downstairs and asked if I wanted something to eat. So I had one single pb&j. I finally leave home and I'm about to get into my car and the yarn store called me to let me know that the yarn I need to write a pattern for came in, which meant I have to start that because I only have three weeks. I get in the car, call my mom to let her hyperfixate and talk at me for the drive home. I get inside and as I'm putting my fucking bag away, I knock into the box of two bottles of fabric softener and it lands on the top of my toe, brusing the shit outta of it. I go to crash in the bedroom to have my partner kick me out because he slept like shit and had to work in a few hours. At this point I can't feel anything but pain in my shoulders and neck. I finally settle into my office doing some behind the scenes stuff for my stream and realize I should probably eat, except now I'm dizzy and only have spoons for ramen. I then go and play DnD and we have a total party kill. And the icing on all of this? The drink I ordered from Taco Bell apparently has red 40 in it and now I'm having stomach issues. Lovely

[theharrowing]

BITTER/SWEET | 5

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Yoongi x Reader

word count: 3k

idol au, smut, fluff, angst, slow burn, slash, nsfw, 18+

warnings: explicit sexual content, rough sex, submission, dominance, light bondage, degrading language, oral sex, anal play, multiple orgasms

On Sunday morning, you messaged the number on the card that Yoongi left behind, letting him know that this was your number. You checked your phone all day, barely able to focus on anything, but he or whoever was on the other end of that number didn't respond.

Monday and Tuesday came and went with a constant nervous but excited ball in your stomach. You struggled to focus on your work and tried to work on your fanfic, but all you could think about was his hand on your throat, how dizzy it made you feel. Your mind was entirely clouded by him.

Wednesday, you wake up bright and early for a gynecologist appointment. As you sit in the waiting room, you notice your phone light up. Excited, you look at it, but it's not Yoongi; it's Daehyun. You've been trying to gently let him down, telling him you're too busy for anything regular right now, but he's so persistent and checks in every day to see how you are, asking when he can see you again. We fucked once, man; come on.

After the appointment, you gather all of the paperwork showing your negative test results and take a photo, sending it to the number that hasn't responded for several days. You've just gotten home and had been considering taking a nap even though you have work to do, but you notice your phone light up with a message from Yoongi.

The message simply reads, "When can we meet?"

Nervous, you reply, "I'm free any time," and set your phone down with a bang, pacing around your kitchen. After several gruelingly silent minutes, you decide to shower and ignore your phone for a little while since it's making you so flustered. 

While drying off, you find two new messages: The first is the address and room number for a hotel, followed by "meet me after 6."

The second message, sent several minutes after the first, says, "Wear something I can destroy. Bring a change of clothes."

You stare at the second message until your vision blurs. Holy shit. It's only 3, but you're so antsy you decide to get ready right away.

Fumbling around your closet, you find a red, short satin dress with a slit up the front left side that you've always held onto but never really loved to wear often. You put it on over red satin panties and no bra. In a backpack, you pack a hoodie and jeans. You wonder if he would like the sight of mascara tears as you apply dark eye makeup, and you keep your hair down but bring a hair tie just in case. 

With time to kill, you sit down to write, getting a head start on your new chapter. You describe what you're wearing and what the text messages say. You assume Yoongi wants these details included, but he wasn't clear on exactly what you should write, only that he'd provide the source material. Of course, in your story, this isn't the first time you've met, but it is the first time he's given you instructions, and your anticipation is palpable as you type.

5:30 finally rolls around, and you finish your outfit off with black flats and your black leather jacket. You order a taxi and wait impatiently for it to show up, watching the car icon slowly traverse the map on your phone before notifying you that it is almost here.

You're dizzy, feeling like you might throw up. The car ride is long enough to make the anticipation build more and more, and you stare out the window, not really looking at anything.

When you arrive to your destination, you get out of the car, stunned by how tall and beautiful this hotel is. You've never been to a place this fancy before, and you feel a little out of place as you walk in, finding everything black and gold and very expensive. You make your way to the top floor and realize the room is a penthouse suite. Of course it is.

You knock on the door at 6:03pm. The door opens, and you find Yoongi standing there, black shirt unbuttoned just enough that you can see slight curves of his chest peeking out, his black hair is wet and a little disheveled, falling over his face, revealing his undercut, and he eyes you up with a smirk before finally letting you inside. You step out of your shoes, following him into the large suite, sitting next to him on a couch.

"I own this room," Yoongi grumbles, waving his hand lazily as if he doesn't really care about it. There's a kitchen to the right when you enter, and in the center, there's a large L-shaped couch surrounding a big wooden table and an even bigger flat screen TV. To the left is a king-sized bed with black and gold bedding, and to the left of the bed is the bathroom.

"We'll be meeting here primarily, if not always," Yoongi says.

You look around at all of the fine details. This suite is nice.

"Want anything? Water? A beer?" Yoongi asks.

"Yes..." you respond playfully.

He gets up, walks over to the fridge, and leans in a little, his slacks hugging his ass as he grabs you a beer, then he stands and pours you a glass of water. Turning around, he notices you staring and smiles, gums poking out and looking a little shy for just a moment before bringing you the beverages. He has a beer of his own on the table and holds it out to cheers.

"You look good in red," Yoongi rasps, eyeing you. 

You sit with your legs bent under you, facing Yoongi on the couch. He's so quiet as he looks you over, making you squirm a little nervously. The beer loosens you up a little, and you start to feel more comfortable sitting next to him. You're still shocked that any of this is happening at all, but it's slowly starting to settle. Yoongi is clearly not one for small talk.

Finally feeling a little bold, you lean in towards Yoongi and ask, "so what did you have in mind for me today?"

Yoongi stares at you for a moment and then gets up, finishes his beer, and walks to the bed. You finish your beer as well, eyes fixed on him as he sits on the edge.

"Come here," he instructs, no emotion on his face, his eyes fixed on you.

You stand up and finally remove your jacket. The excitement of being with Yoongi plus the loss of the warm leather on your shoulders cause your nipples to harden, which he notices, licking his lips as he watches you walk over and stand in front of him. You wait for Yoongi to make a move, but he sits still a moment longer, eyeing you up and down.

With a smirk, Yoongi finally pulls you close, causing one of his legs to be in between yours and one of yours between his. Yoongi pulls you down for a kiss, his skilled tongue pushing into your mouth, opening you for him. Blood rushes to your head, dizzying you as you try to comprehend that you’re kissing Yoongi. You moan softly into his mouth as he plays with your tongue, circling around it with his. He bites your lip gently before pushing himself back into your mouth. You always imagined what it must be like to kiss him, but you could never prepare yourself for how good it feels.

Grabbing your hair in his fist, Yoongi pulls your face before finding your throat with his lips. You gasp as he tongues and kisses your throat and neck, working his way to your ear. Yoongi's thigh grazes your core, and you become weak from the feeling of him sucking on your earlobe and neck and groaning softly into your ear. You're becoming so wet for him; you want him to touch you so badly.

Yoongi’s free hand pulls down at your right dress strap, and you aid him by pulling your arm out of it. He slowly pulls the satin down more, exposing your right breast. You gasp as his fingers find your nipple, twisting it gently before letting go of your hair and taking your breast in his other hand. Yoongi licks at and sucks gently on your nipple, sending a wave of excitement over you. You moan quietly as he grabs you firmly by the ass, pulling you closer to him.

"This dress is cute, what a shame," Yoongi says before grabbing at a slit in the front and ripping the fabric, tearing a large strip off of the skirt, leaving the rest hanging limply over your ass, your thighs and panties exposed. You gasp, having forgotten about his plan to destroy this dress.

Yoongi stands now, pulling your hands above your head and tying them with the fabric. He lets go, and you rest your hands on top of your head, your breathing becoming shaky. Yoongi walks behind you, and you can hear his belt buckle, then his zipper.

"Sit on the bed," Yoongi commands, and you do, turning and watching as he unbuttons and removes his shirt, untucking it from his undone pants and tossing it aside. His pale chest and arms are toned, flexing slightly as he moves, and you realize your mouth is hanging open, drool beginning to pool at the corners of your mouth. Fuck, he is hot. You can see his erection, and you're surprised by his size. Yoongi notices and grins, grabbing you by the chin.

"Turn your hands, so they're facing me," Yoongi commands, walking over as he palms his cock that's poking out of his loose pants, stretching out his briefs. "If you need me to stop, you can pinch me...since you won't be able to tell me."

Yoongi pulls his cock out of his briefs but doesn't entirely remove them, tucking the fabric under his balls and stroking himself. Precum is glistening on the tip, and it looks incredible, long and pale and pink. Yoongi grabs you by the head and guides himself into your mouth, first pushing slowly into your cheek before pulling all the way out and then thrusting slowly into your throat. You gag on him, but Yoongi doesn't relent, holding himself in your throat for a moment to let you get used to the feeling.

He bucks his hips, fucking your face, and you can feel tears already begin to well up, but you love how it feels to finally be taking him, breathing through your nose to be good for him. Although it gets a little rough at times, you don't pinch him; you don't want him to stop. Yoongi's movements become sloppy after a while, and you brace yourself for him to cum, but he pulls out instead. You open your eyes, mouth hanging open and covered in drool, tears running down your face, and he smiles.

"Please cum for me," you beg, looking up at Yoongi through your eyelashes.

Yoongi scoffs and shoves his dick back into your throat, thrusting a little more until finally, with a loud moan, he fills your throat with his warm fluid. Wasting no time, he pulls out, grabs you by the throat, guiding you as you stand up.

You hardly get your footing before you're pushed onto your back on the bed, hands above your head. Yoongi pulls your ass to the very edge and stands between your legs in front of you. You're so turned on and lay there, breasts heaving, one exposed. He rips your dress more, up to your belly, and you jump a little at this.

Yoongi touches your tummy, running a finger down to your thigh and then up to your hip. You're becoming more wet, desperate to be touched more, to be fucked. He gently touches your nipple and runs a finger up to your neck and back down. He's teasing you, and it's driving you crazy. He's so quiet, alternating between being rough and then slow.

"What if I just teased you and then sent you home?" Yoongi smirks.

You feel your eyes widen desperately. "Please," you beg, not entirely sure what you're begging him for.

"Please?" Yoongi asks, kneeling down on the floor in between your legs.

"Please, I want you so bad," you whine, and you can only see Yoongi's eyes now, his face level with your core.

"Say my name," he growls, touching your labia gently over your panties with one hand, sending a tiny explosion through your body.

"Please, Yoongi," you beg, trying to maintain eye contact but feeling your eyes roll back at his touch. "Please, I need you."

Just as the fictional character Yoongi did in your latest story, Yoongi grabs your panties in both hands and rips them, leaving them hanging from one of your thighs. You gasp and look down, meeting his eyes once more as you feel him slowly part your folds with one finger, discovering how wet you are, feeling your body react to his touch. Yoongi pushes into you as far as his finger will go, and you moan loudly as you feel him inside of you, tightening around his long digit. He pulls it out and then pushes a second one in, this time with his fingers facing up to hook a little, finding your erogenous area and playing with it. Your hips buck slightly as he slowly builds you up with his fingers.

"Fuck," you gasp.

Yoongi's tongue finds your clit, gently at first, flicking it and then harder, lapping eagerly. You cry out, feeling your thighs tremble as he brings you close to orgasm.

"Fuck, I'm gonna cum," you whine, your bound hands grasping at air, wishing you were holding onto the back of his head. 

Yoongi’s movements speed up, and he begins fucking you with his hand much harder than before, tongue still lapping at your clit. You let out a loud moan as an intense orgasm washes over you. Yoongi doesn't let up, continuing to finger fuck you, overstimulating you with his mouth and hand, holding onto your thigh tightly with his other hand. You can't do anything but build up and release another orgasm, gripping onto the mattress as you mewl and writhe, on the verge of screaming. Yoongi pulls his hand out of you finally and removes his briefs. He's rock hard again.

"Get up," Yoongi growls, grabbing you by the arm and pulling you off the bed.

Your legs are shaky as Yoongi guides you towards the nearby wall, pressing you against it while he stands behind you. Your torn dress hangs off of your one shoulder, tummy, and ass exposed as the ripped bottom half lays limp off to the side, torn panties falling past your foot as you move. Pushing your face into the wall with one hand, Yoongi spreads your legs and pulls your hips with the other hand, arching your back to him.

You feel Yoongi’s cock against your labia, and it makes you weak; you want it so badly. He runs it up down your slit a few times, gathering your slick cum on the tip just before pushing into you slowly. Yoongi’s hand moves from your face down to your throat, where he grabs you, pulling you towards him, the back of your head touching his chest before he thrusts into you as deep as he can go. You cry out as he stretches you around him, pulling out slowly and pushing into you hard a few more times, and you try but fail to hold onto the wall.

Then Yoongi bucks his hips hard and fast, pressing you into the wall. The sensation of both pleasure and pain as he fucks you causes you to scream between moans. Yoongi’s hand returns to holding your face into the wall, and he digs his fingers into your hip with his other hand as he fucks you unrelentingly.

"Do you like to be called a slut," Yoongi growls into your ear.

You let out a weak yes in between moans. Yoongi slaps your ass hard, making you scream.

"You beautiful little slut," Yoongi teases, "so eager to please me." 

All of his fingers are now digging into both hips as his movements start to get sloppy again. You feel an orgasm building in you as well, but he unties your hands and pulls out, shoving you back to the bed.

"Fuck, I can't decide where I want you," Yoongi growls before commanding you to get on your knees, following close behind you.

You crawl to the middle of the bed on your hands and knees and arch your back for Yoongi as he grabs your hips and reenters you, quickly returning to fucking you as a punishing speed.

Yoongi pulls your head up with one hand and growls, "I want you to completely surrender to me" into your ear.

You feel a wet finger on your asshole and let out a cry as he slowly pushes it in, filling you even more. Slowly fingering your ass while fucking you, you feel an orgasm building back up.

He must feel you tightening around his cock, ready to cum, and groans, "Not yet. Wait for me."

A second wet finger slowly pushes into your ass, and you cry out from how amazing the stretch feels as Yoongi fucks you hard with his hand and his cock.

"Please, I can't hold on much longer," you beg.

"Alright, you needy little slut, cum for me," Yoongi commands.

The sound of Yoongi’s voice pushes you over the edge, and you bury your face in the bed, moaning loudly and squeezing him with your holes. Yoongi moans and finally comes undone, filling your pussy with his warm release. His thrusts slow before he finally pulls his fingers out, then his cock.

You collapse onto the bed, completely exhausted, and he joins, laying on his back next to you. You try to catch your breath, but your entire body is still buzzing from being so well fucked. You're already replaying the scene in your mind, imagining how to describe what just happened, feeling his cum start to drip out of you.

"Friday night, come back?" Yoongi asks, now gently running his finger along your back.

You let out a feeble nod into the bed, and Yoongi chuckles.

"You sure you can handle me again?"

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BITTER/SWEET is copyright 2021 Nabi Olive, all rights reserved. let’s be friends on twitter!

[remuswriting]

Cut The Cameras

Ground Level

Wednesday, June 10. 4:48 P. M.

Kenma has always been an impatient person.  He wants things to go a certain way in a certain time frame, so he’s satisfied in the end.  This includes everyone getting to his house for the film meeting.  It’s not that he doesn’t want anyone over or that he doesn’t enjoy the time he has to himself, but the stress of what will happen eats at him the longer he sits there with his Nintendo DS.  It makes sense for this to be at his house, though.  Everyone else has apartments or live in dorms, which are so much smaller, so it makes sense.  That’s what he keeps telling himself, so he won’t crawl up the wall with anxiety.

He sent Kuroo and Lev to get pizza about 10 minutes ago, and he started playing The Legend of Zelda: Tri Force Heroes as a waiting game.  Kuroo made sure to tell him to listen for the doorbell in case anyone came early, which Kenma doubts anyone will come early.  People will either get there on time or late.  Also, it’s unlikely anyone will use the doorbell, since no one cares about his privacy.  Well, besides Akaashi, but he’s different.

His concentration dies when the doorbell rings, causing him to flinch so hard he jumps.  He quickly saves his game and hurries to the door, taking a deep breath before opening it.  Y/N stands there with a bag of chips under his arm and a bright smile.  He’s also dressed up, and Kenma is suddenly dizzy.  Why is so he dizzy?

Y/N wore casual clothes the last time they saw each other—a simple plain blue t-shirt and black jeans.  He looked good in that, but right now, he’s on a different level wearing a black turtleneck tucked into tan slacks and wearing an open black trench coat.  Kenma hadn’t been aware they were meant to dress up.  He’s in his red oversized hoodie and black sweatpants, and feels severely underdressed in his own home.

“Hey, I know I’m early, but I would’ve been late if I wasn’t,” Y/N says, and his smile is so shy and unsure. “Is that okay?”

Kenma manages to nod as he malfunctions.  He’s not even sure why he’s malfunctioning.  Maybe he’s just not used to seeing people dressed up like this, but that doesn’t make much sense.  He sees plenty of people in suits for his job, and then there’s Kuroo, who tried to be fashionable last year until realizing it’s too much work and money.

“Yeah, it’s okay,” Kenma says, and Y/N hurries inside so Kenma can shut the door. “If you don’t mind me asking, why would you be late if you weren’t early?”

Y/N strips his coat off, putting it on the typically unused coat rack next to the door, and Kenma now knows he loves how turtlenecks look on other people.  Or maybe he just likes how they look on Y/N.  He can admire how nice his friends look.  He does it all the time with Akaashi, especially after he got his glasses.

“Oh, I was at another meeting, and your house is closer than my apartment.” Y/N unzips a black backpack that Kenma somehow hadn’t noticed.  He pulls out some paper before looking up at Kenma. “I didn’t want to be late to my own meeting.”

“You’re a busy person,” Kenma says, looking away from Y/N. “I doubt anyone would be upset if you were a little late.”

Y/N constantly tweets about how he’s out doing something with Tooru or working on homework or editing videos, and Kenma doesn’t know how he does it.  He’s never met anyone so busy manage to stay in a working relationship.  Kuroo tried to date Yaku during their first year of university, but then Yaku went pro.  Love couldn’t defeat the little time they had in their lives to be in the other’s day.  When Yaku decided to play in Russia, they broke up.  It was all Kenma had to see to know the reality that loving someone can easily not be enough, given the circumstances.

Y/N laughs slightly. “You’re far busier than I am,” he says, and Kenma hears the backpack zipper zip. “You put up videos every week and stream multiple times a week.  I’m not sure if I could do that.  There’s also the fact you’re in university.”

Kenma’s face heats up, his ears tingling from the sensation. “I have an editor, so it’s not like I do everything myself,” he says before motioning Y/N to follow him to the living room. “And my job isn’t as hard as you think.”

Y/N lets out a laugh. “You’re the CEO of a business.  That sounds hard to me.”

Bounding Ball LTD is hard.  He can’t lie about it or even try to minimize it.  It made his life a disaster in the beginning, since he was so unsure of what he was doing.  It’s gotten easier, though.  There’s a routine with regularly scheduled meetings as well as delegating tasks to others.  He looks over at Y/N, who is looking at him.  His face only burns more.

“It’s not as bad as it seems,” he says before looking over toward the kitchen. “Do you want anything to drink?  Kuro and Lev are getting pizza right now.”

“I’m good right now, but I do have this to give you,” Y/N says as he offers the bag of chocolate-covered potato chips to Kenma.

“You didn’t have to,” Kenma says, not making an effort to move to take them.

“But you didn’t get any last time.  I feel bad.” Y/N hasn’t moved from holding out the bag for Kenma to take. “So, come on, take it.  You can throw it away if you’d like, but at least take it.”

Kenma smiles slightly, but how they’re angled toward each other makes it hard for Y/N to see.  He takes a step toward Y/N and grabs the bag before staring at it and then looking at Y/N. “I wouldn’t throw it away,” he says, and Y/N’s smile grows before he laughs a little.

“I didn’t actually think you would,” Y/N says, and then he lets out a soft sigh.  He looks around, and Kenma suddenly feels so very vulnerable, like Y/N can see everything there is to him when he can’t. “So, you live here.”

“Yeah,” Kenma whispers as he puts the bag on the coffee table in his living room. “Shoyo has been staying with me recently, so it’s nice having all the room.” His nose scrunches slightly. “We have very different concepts of time, to say the least.”

Y/N laughs as he walks around the living room. “He’s a morning person and you’re barely a person?” he asks, but he’s not looking at Kenma.  He’s looking at the photos hanging on the walls.

Kenma hadn’t even been the one to hang the photos up.  His mother decorated with the few photos she was willing to give up while Kuroo hung up others and Shoyo brought more.  It isn’t that he can’t say no to them about it, but more that he doesn’t mind the photos.  Although he never planned on being one of those people with photos lining their walls, he enjoys them.

“Oh, you went to Nekoma,” Y/N says, stopping in front of a team photo from Kenma’s second year. “My cousin went there.”

“Do I know them?” Kenma asks, and Y/N shakes his head.

“No, she’s older than you.” He looks like he’s studying the photo, and Kenma’s nerves are screaming. “She played volleyball, too—was captain of the girls’ team, actually.”

“So, you know a lot about volleyball?” Kenma asks, and Y/N looks over his shoulder at him.  His smile is amused, almost like he’s trying not to laugh, and Kenma doesn’t understand what’s funny.

“I’m surrounded by volleyball players,” Y/N says, and he turns to face Kenma entirely. “Tooru, Hajime, and Masaru played all throughout junior high and high school, so I was surrounded by it.” He chuckles. “I never joined the team, but I was basically an honorary player with how much I helped them out.”

Kenma’s interest skyrockets.  He doesn’t know why knowing that Y/N and his group were part of volleyball is so exciting for Kenma, but it is.  It feels like there’s suddenly a connection between them that he wants to pull on and bring them closer in a way that doesn’t make much sense.  He doesn’t know much about Y/N, but he wants to.  He really wants to.

“Were they any good?” Kenma asks, and Y/N carefully nods.

“Yeah, but they weren’t nationals good,” Y/N says, and Kenma nods. “They were a powerhouse school for our prefecture, but they wouldn’t have made it at nationals.”

Y/N is suddenly sitting down at the table, looking up at Kenma, when Kenma realizes they’ve been awkwardly standing this whole time.  He quickly sits down across from him.  His nerves continue eating at him.  He’s well versed in social anxiety, but this is different.  He’s not exactly sure how, but it is.

Y/N’s phone dings, and he smiles when he pulls it out of his pocket and reads the notification. “My people are on their way,” he says before pocketing his phone and placing his hands on the table.  He tilts his head and squints at Kenma. “Tell me about yourself.”

Kenma blinks. “What?”

“Tell me about yourself,” Y/N repeats before resting his cheek against his palm. “Tell me who kodzuken really is.”

Kenma suddenly doesn’t know who he really is.  This has him questioning if he ever really knew who he is.  He tries to not let his panic show, though.

“I’m pretty much the same as I am online,” Kenma says with a shrug, trying to seem so collected.  It feels sort of like a lie. “Are you different from dailyln?”

Y/N’s smile is so beautiful, and he nods. “Of course I am.” His hand falls to the table as he sits up. “I can pretend to be whatever I want online.  Charismatic is one of them.  I only had two friends until I was 15, when I managed to convince someone else to be my friend, and those two friends were Tooru and Hajime.”

Even knowing that, Kenma wants to argue with him that he is charismatic, but subtly.  Y/N gives off extrovert vibes until you’ve been around him for more than 30 minutes, which is when it becomes very clear he’s an introvert.  Kenma noticed how Y/N leans into Tooru a lot and how restless he’d been—fingers strumming against the table and bouncing on the balls of his feet.  He spoke a lot, but sometimes so quietly that Kenma had to force his ears to listen harder.

Kenma remembers Yachi speaking to Y/N, and Y/N smiled at them as they spoke.  Yachi immediately brightened up and spoke more than Kenma had ever seen before.  Everyone watched—unable to look away.  Maybe Y/N thinks he isn’t charismatic because he’s an introvert, but that’s not the case.  A simple smile and laugh have people wanting more from him.

“How did you meet them?” Kenma asks, and Y/N looks at the photos on the walls.

“Lived in the same neighborhood.” Y/N laughs a little. “I was friends with Tooru first, and our friendship actually started when I shoved him at the park for calling me pretty.” He looks at Kenma. “He and Hajime already knew each other, so that’s how I met him, and Masaru is his younger brother.”

“Kuro is who I’ve made most of my friends from,” Kenma says in a soft voice. “He made me join the volleyball team. Guilt tripped me and everything, but it did lead me to meeting my friends.”

“Well, you are friends with a lot of great people, so it seems like it worked out in your favor.”

The doorbell rings, and both of them jump.  Some satisfaction settles in Kenma that he’s not the only person who jumps at loud noises.  He quickly stands up and hurries to the front door.  Hopefully, it’s Kuroo and Lev with the pizza because he’s slowly starting to get hungry.

All of Y/N’s “people” stand outside his front door.  He gestures for them to come in, and he sees that Y/N followed him to the door when he turns.  He flinches slightly, but tries to pretend it didn’t happen.

“You can put your coats there,” Kenma says, motioning to the coat rack.  He can’t bring himself to make eye contact with anyone. “We were in the living room.”

Y/N passes him, going straight to Tooru. “Hey,” he says before giving Tooru a quick kiss.  The way they smile at each other exudes love.  They look like they’ve never loved anything more than they do each other.

“Hey, you,” Tooru says, voice soft.  Kenma feels like he’s intruding on a gentle moment. “How was your meeting?”

“Excuse them, they always do this when they see each other,” Sugawara says, and Kenma slowly nods. “You get used to it after a while, but it may be a long while.  I think it took Daichi several months.”

“It did not,” Daichi says, and Sugawara rolls his eyes.

“Come on, I wanna get started,” Masaru whines.  Kenma looks at Tooru and Y/N, who aren’t paying attention to anything but each other.

Tooru wraps an arm around Y/N’s waist, pressing a kiss to his forehead, and looks at Masaru. “Stop complaining.  Tobio-chan said he’d wait for you to call.”

Then Tooru and Masaru start bickering slightly, which Kenma expects from siblings.  Kuroo and his sister bicker all the time, so he’s used to it.  What Kenma doesn’t expect is for Y/N to be looking at them with a gentle, fond smile.  Does love make you feel like that?  Kenma doesn’t know what love feels like, and he’s never been sure if he’s wanted to.

There was the brief crush he had on Akaashi during their second year of high school.  Kuroo likes to say it was more than brief, but it was brief.  There’s also Shoyo, who Kenma has always had weird feelings for, but they’re friends.  Being friends feels far more comfortable than trying to become anything else with Shoyo.  He doesn’t think about love a lot, but he can’t avoid thinking about it right now.  Not with how Y/N and Tooru look at each other.

“Hey, let’s go to the living room now,” Y/N says, mainly to Tooru and Masaru.  Kenma nods, but Sugawara hits Y/N slightly as he scolds him for “being demanding.” Y/N shrugs. “Kenma’s waiting for us, and we all know he’s not going to rush us, and you guys take forever.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Tooru says, and it’s then that Kenma notices how nicely dressed Tooru is.  He’s wearing a white button down under a forest green sweater tucked into black slacks.  Did he and Y/N just decide to overdress without consulting anyone else? “Let’s go.”

Masaru hurries by Kenma, even though he doesn’t know where they’re going.  Kenma looks to everyone else, wanting to see if maybe that’s strange or in character, and none of them look fazed.  Tooru pulls Y/N closer, and an uneasy feeling bubbles in his stomach.  He’s not sure why he feels like this, but all he wants to do is look away.  Why?  They’re his friends.

The front door opens without the doorbell going off, which is what Kenma expects from everyone he knows.  Kuroo and Lev stand there with 10 boxes of pizza since Kenma hadn’t known how much to get.  All he knows is that everyone will get at least one slice and some can get more than one if they want.

“Y/N!” Lev yells, and Y/N flinches a little as he looks over at Lev. “How are you?”

“I’m okay,” Y/N says, and the laugh he lets out is strained and uncomfortable. “How are you?”

“I’m great!” Lev says, and he grins. “I finally talked to Kaori today.” It’s quiet, as if he’s expecting them all to know how to react to that. “The girl from my government class.”

Y/N nods a little. “That’s good, I think?” He looks at Kenma. “Is that good?  At least for your sanity?”

Kenma glares at Lev, because Lev is only going to be even worse than he is now.  Although, he didn’t say anything in the group chat, so maybe he won’t talk about only her constantly.  Either way, it isn’t good for his sanity since Lev is involved. (It’s not like he hates Lev, because he doesn’t.  Lev just manages to get on every single one of his nerves without trying.  He tried cutting off contact with Lev after high school, but Shoyo and Kuroo made it too hard to actually accomplish that.)

“No, he’s only going to be even more of a pain in the ass,” Kenma says, and Y/N chuckles.

“Don’t be too mean to him.  He only wants to be your friend,” Y/N says, and he looks at Lev. “Isn’t that right, Lev?”

Lev aggressively nods, the boxes of pizza in his arms shaking slightly.  He then rambles about how amazing he finds Kenma, and Y/N sends Kenma a teasing look.  It makes Kenma look away and his face burn.  He isn’t sure why he thought Y/N would take his side and make fun of Lev with him, but that isn’t what’s happening.  Instead, Y/N has set it up to where Kenma will eventually have to say he and Lev are friends to avoid a natural disaster.

He tries to remain as physically unaffected as possible as he takes them to the living room.  Masaru pops his head out from the kitchen doorway. “Your kitchen is huge,” he says, and that familiar twinkle dances in his eyes. “Can I use it sometime?”

“Why would you want to borrow someone else’s kitchen when you have your own?” Kuroo asks, and Masaru huffs before shaking his head at him.

“Obviously, I can make more food in a bigger kitchen,” Masaru says, and he looks at Kenma.  His green eyes are vibrant, even from across the room. “Business majors can never see the entire picture.”

Kenma rolls his eyes at Kuroo’s offended expression, but dread fills him when Kuroo smirks. “Kenma lets everyone borrow his kitchen.” He looks at Kenma. “Don’t you, Kenma?”

“I guess?” Kenma says, because he’s let the people who have asked borrow it in the past.  Not many of his friends enjoy cooking, though.  So it’s something that came with the house and that his mother uses whenever she comes to visit.

“Really?” Masaru asks, and he sounds a kid on Christmas. “Thank you so much, Kenma!  I have so many things I want to make, but I can make you anything you like.  I really like baking, actually—”

“Masaru,” Tooru says, and Masaru falls quiet. “Can we talk?”

Masaru nods reluctantly. “Sure, but only because you’re being really weird.”

Tooru pulls away from Y/N, and Masaru follows him outside.  The front door closes, and Y/N looks over at Kenma.  He doesn’t seem affected by that, even though half the room is genuinely confused about what’s going on.

“Are you really going to let him use your kitchen?” Y/N asks, and Kenma nods.

“I don’t see why not.”

Y/N’s smile is soft but strained.  Almost like he wants to smile, but it’s hard to. “Well, just make sure someone is with him or else he may burn the place down.”

Sugawara laughs. “Yeah, he tends to get a bit carried away during baking.”

“Maybe we can all bake together or something?” Y/N offers, and Kenma can’t stop looking at him.  He’s telling himself it’s because Y/N is talking, but it feels like more than that. Y/N tilts his head to the side. “What do you say, Kenma?  Wanna bake together one day?”

Kenma wants to hide inside his hoodie.  The amount of attention he’s getting is so overwhelming that he’s not sure if he even likes it.  He’s never been someone who likes attention aimed only at him, so this is slight torture.  It’s not entirely bad when it’s Y/N, but it is.  It’s a different kind of uncomfortable that he doesn’t know how to explain.

“Good luck with that,” Kuroo says, and everyone looks at him instead of Kenma. “Kenma doesn’t cook or bake.  Never has.”

“Yeah, he eats a lot of takeout or food his mom makes,” Lev says, and Kenma wants to hit both of them. “He refuses to eat Kuroo’s food, though.”

“And why is that?” Y/N asks as he looks back at Kenma.  There’s a level of teasing in his voice that makes goosebumps rise on Kenma’s skin. “Does he not know how?”

“Kuro’s obsessed with salt,” Kenma says, and he’s not sure how he even got that out.  Right now, he just wants to explode or go into hiding.  No in between.

“I’ll believe it when he makes something for me,” Y/N says, and he looks at Kuroo with a playful smile.  One that makes Kenma’s stomach flip without it being directed at him. “You’ll make me something, won’t you?”

Kuroo’s face turns a dusty pink, and Kenma is glad that means he’s not the only one affected by Y/N.  He’s also glad that the teasing is no longer completely aimed at him.

Kuroo laughs a little as he nods. “Sure, what do you want me to make you?”

“I’ll let you know when I think of it.”

The front door opens, and everyone who had been missing is suddenly there.  They’re faster on moving to the living room this time, and Shoyo quickly grabs paper plates from Kenma’s kitchen.  It’s not cramped like it was at Y/N’s and Tooru’s apartment, which is a relief.  They all sit in a similar order, though.  Y/N lights up when Tooru sits down next to him, handing him a plate with pizza on it.  Y/N opens a bottle of water, taking a long drink, and Kenma doesn’t look away.

“Okay, let’s get started,” Y/N says after he’s cleared his throat.  Everyone looks at him. “Here are all the scripts. Please look over them while I talk.  I’ve written down the roles already taken, so figure out who you’d like to be.”

The teasing demeanor is gone as Y/N goes over everything.  He sits up straight and tall as he explains the short film.  Kenma sees what Y/N means when he says he’s not the same person in real life compared to online, but he is.  He’s a different variation of himself, and there’s nothing wrong with that.  People change who they are depending on their comfort level and audience, and it’s human.  It’s also something Kenma can’t stand, but he understands it, especially with Y/N.  All he wants to know are how many different variations of Y/N are there?  Can he get to know every variation?  Does he want to?

Kenma likes challenge and mystery, but not always when it comes to people.  There’s something about Y/N, though.  Something similar to Shoyo when they met in Kenma’s second year.  A connection that’s easy, but there are still nerves eating at him at the same time.  It’s different.  Things are so different and the same, and Kenma wants to understand it all.

“So, anyone have an idea for who they might want to be?” Y/N asks, and several people raise their hands.  His smile fights against his serious demeanor, and Kenma just wants to understand him.

Knee Level | Ground Level | Dutch Tilt

Masterlist

[cutesuki--bakugou]

Ancient Soul

Time Travel, Quirkless, Feudal Japan AU

“Your soul does not belong here.” Those were words you never thought that you would hear. Now, thrown into the past in feudal Japan, you must find a way to survive, all while struggling to avoid the growing feelings for one hot-headed war general. War, romance, death and love drive you forward, to find the place where your soul truly belongs.

Bakugou Katsuki x Fem!Reader

Want to start from be beginning? Check the Ancient Soul tag. New chapters released every Wednesday as long as schedule permits.

Genre: Romance / Angst Story Rating: Explicit | Adult Themes, Sex, Death, Depictions of Violence, Alcohol

Chapter 14: Flame

Chapter Rating: Teen | Cursing, Torture, Abuse Words:  2067

“It took you long enough to finally get her, you’re lucky that we aren’t going to deduct your pay.” 

“I should stab you for that.” 

“Just give him the money so he’ll get out of my sight.” 

The voices that rattled about in your dizzy mind were unfamiliar. They pulled you out of your unconsciousness, paired with pounding in your ears and an unrelenting nausea. Outside of the voices and the cold wooden floor against your side, there was nothing to anchor you to your surroundings. A blindfold prevented you from opening your eyes, and your mouth was effectively gagged with a cloth wrapped around your head, which settled between your teeth uncomfortably. The taste of the dirty cloth only made you want to gag, though with how tight it was, you couldn’t keep your tongue off it. 

Uncomfortable, you began to squirm, only to find that your arms were tied at the wrist and your legs at the ankles. Still, you were too dizzy and drained to struggle much, so all you could do was lay there in your nauseous panic. 

“She’s awake.” 

“Should we make sure she still remembers who she is before we give him the money?” 

“If she remembers things or not has nothing to do with the job. You told me to deliver her, and I did. Now, either pay me, or I will return her home.” 

That was a voice you did recognize. It was the man with the beak mask, and at this point, you gathered that he had kidnapped you and taken you to god knows where. These people had wanted you for something… but what? How did they even find out about you? Were there rumors spread by those within Bakugou’s clan and his enemies had caught wind of it? That was the only thing that came to mind at the moment, and as footsteps began to make their way towards you, fear began to clutch at your heart. 

Before you could even consider wiggling away, you were snatched by the upper arm and dragged painfully across the floor, the pressure on your shoulder making you feel as if your arm was going to pop out of socket. Yelling out in pain, your voice was muffled by the cloth in your mouth, though it might as well be hot air with how little your captors seemed to care. It only subsided when you were hauled up and sat down onto a chair, your arms anchored to the wood with either rope or more cloth. 

You wanted to struggle, to fight back and try to make your escape, but fear kept you in place. You didn’t know where you were, how many people were around you, or what they had been planning on doing with you in the first place. Any little movement or peep could make them kill you instantly, so you decided that waiting it out was a better plan at the moment. 

Shuffling of feet followed by rattling of coins tipped you off that the masked man had been paid, and once his footsteps excited the room, you felt the presence of multiple people all around you. It wasn’t much longer before not only your gag, but also your blindfold were removed, allowing you to cough and take in your surroundings with blurry vision. Behind the tears and the panic, you could see three people, all peering down at you with a range of curious interest and cold malice. They hated you, that much you could already tell, yet you couldn’t stop your questions as they rolled off your tongue. 

“W-what is this? Who are you?” 

“Aw, she’s so scared!” A woman with blonde hair leaned forward a bit, currently seated on a table not too far away. Her hair up in two side buns, the wicked grin on her face made your stomach clench, seeing nothing but insanity in her yellow gaze. “I love it! Can I cut her up a little now, Shiggy, please?! You said I could cut her!” 

“No,” With a lazy raise and wave of his hand to silence the excitable woman, the man directly in front of you spoke in an almost exhausted huff, making you curious as to his health. You could see that he was thin underneath his loose robs, his long pale blue hair ragged and oily as it hung in his face. Only one piercing crimson eye was visible to you, the bags under his eyes severe and lips chapped. All in all, he was quite disgusting looking to you, but despite how he may appear, it was obvious that he was the leader. 

‘Shiggy’? Shig… how is that name familiar… 

Giving a whine, the woman leaned back on her arms, kicking her legs in disappointment. “But you said I could…” 

“Not now. Only if she doesn’t talk.” 

“Then we need to get to it, it’s only a matter of time before they realize she’s gone.” A man standing beside you to your left spoke now, and for a moment, you couldn’t help but relate his fluffy spiked black hair to Bakugou’s. Just thinking about the hotheaded blonde back home made your eyes burn with longing, struggling to hold back the tears. Never before had you wanted to see someone so badly, to have him rush through the doors and save you. But after the fights you had, how he had basically shut you off… would he even bother? 

“Then make her talk, Dabi!” The woman spoke again, nearly bouncing in her seat. “So I can cut her!” 

“I said don’t use our names, you moron.” 

Dabi… Shig--

“Shigaraki,” The name left your lips as a whisper, but it was still loud enough to silence those around you. “Dabi… and Toga.” 

“Oooh, she does know our names! You were right, Shiggy!” Toga hopped off the table to stand. “She is a witch!” 

“She’s not a witch.” Shigaraki stood as well, making his way over to you. As he squatted down, you kept his gaze locked with yours, though his blank expression made your stomach churn. “How do you know our names?” 

“They… They are familiar to me.” Glancing between all three people, you leaned back defensively into the chair, wishing you could shrink into nothing and vanish. 

“How?” 

“They just… I just know them. I don’t have to answer you! Let me go!” Struggling against your bonds a bit, you were only stopped by a blade at your throat. Dabi had gripped the top of your head, his sword cold against your flushed skin. 

“Let’s try this again.” Shigaraki clasped his hands together, elbows resting on his knees. “Tell me how you know our names. How you know our moves. Our tactics. Our armies. Our enemies. Tell me, or I will have your fingers and toes broken one by one.” 

Swallowing hard, you felt the blade at your neck nip at your skin, unable to stop the tears from rolling down your cheeks. Yes, you knew these people, and you also knew that most of the battles or skirmishes that you had helped Bakugou with had been with them. Shigaraki was Lord Yagi’s main enemy, the two having been fighting for years over land and rule. Over the more recent months, you had given guidance to make sure that Bakugou’s armies would win, and just as you had suspected, Shigaraki had found out somehow. 

“I… I don’t know about them! I just… I can see things, l-like visions! But I don’t know anything about you otherwise.” 

“Let me cut her, Shiggy.” Toga pulled a small knife from her kimono sleeve, placing the blade at your cheek. “I’ll make her talk. Pain always works, and they always look so cute when they bleed!” 

“I’m going to give you one more chance.” Shigaraki held up a finger, pulling your fearful gaze away from Toga. “Tell me, or I will let her cut into you.” 

“I… I can’t! I don’t know anything!” 

“We’ll see about that.” 

… 

Out of everything that had been done to you, the thirst was the most unbearable. You could handle the cuts to your skin, the beatings and the hunger. But being so unbelievably thirsty was the most painful, your throat dry and tongue swollen. At this point, all you could do was lay in your cell, arms still bound so you couldn’t move well at all. The rope had cut into your skin and it stung with the simplest of twitches, so you had grown content with just lying there until you died. 

For not giving them what they wanted, this slow and painful death is what you would be subjected to. You were taunted with food and water in exchange for information, but there was none for you to give. You knew little to nothing about these people, their mission, their battles or their fates. All you remembered was their names, so no matter how many times you tried to tell them, they didn’t believe you. It was pointless. Not just all of the mistreatment, but all of your time in his era. Everything you had gone through was now withering away with you on this dirty, damp floor and you would fade away into nothingness. 

Maybe, you thought, you would die just to awaken back in your own world. Would you be yourself, or would you be in a different body? Maybe you’d wake up as a cat, so you could spend all your days sleeping, eating, and being loved. You had always envied your cat, how they could spend their days without a care in the world. Their purr had always been something that calmed you, and more than any other moment since you had come here, at this moment, you wanted to hear it. If you had any tears left in you, they would have fallen at the thought, but there were none. There was nothing left but to die. 

At some point, you had fallen asleep, only to wake up to darkness. It was nighttime, the chill in the air and the cold moonlight coming from a singular window in the hallway told you as much. What had woken you? There had been some type of noise, a bump in the night or shuffling in the hall. You thought that perhaps it was one of your captors coming to pry more information out of you, but now, there was nothing. All you could hear was the rushing wind outside, though even that was difficult to identify in your near delusional state.  

What’s that… a… light? 

Visible from your cell, you could see a flickering light, barely illuminating the dark hallway. As you watched, it seemed to grow, creeping along the building as if it were a living creature. Then, as you watched in horror, orange and yellow flames slithered along the walls, engulfing the wood. You could hear the crackling and hissing of the fire, the wood creaking and screaming beneath the heat. 

The building was on fire. 

Finding a small ounce of strength in your panic, you pulled yourself up to sit, scooting over to the door of your cell. Turning your back to it, you grabbed onto the bars with what grip you could manage, trying to shake and pull them loose. The bars didn’t give in nor did the door open, barely rattling or moving at all. 

“Hello! Anyone?!” You tried to scream, though it only came out as a hoarse whisper. Your throat dry and now irritated by the smoke rolling into the room, you began to cough, gasping and wheezing in pain from the effort. Behind the roaring fire, there were no voices, no footsteps or panic, and you knew that no one was going to come for you. 

Becoming winded from coughing and struggling to breathe, you collapsed back onto your side, vision becoming blurry. I-I don’t want to die…! Please… Please, somebody save me! The heat had reached your skin, now, as the flames completely swallowed the hallway. By now, you couldn’t breathe, struggling to take in the smallest amount of air through the smoke. Even with the bright light of the flames, your vision went back, and all that was left of you was only a hint of your consciousness. 

“Demon! There she is, hurry!” 

Bakugou…? No… I’m imagining it. 

“Demon! [L/N]!” 

I’m here… I’ll be with you soon… 

“[L/N!]”

[menwithlocs]

Fitness Friday w/Dizzy

Yes its Fitness Friday and we had the opportunity to speak with Miami based fitness trainer Dizzy!

Tell us about your background in Fitness? How did you get started?

I actually got started with fitness randomly, I had set a goal to workout everyday for the year of 2015, and in the midst of it a guy asked me to spot him on his heavy chest days for $15 every Wednesday. The rest was history. 

What advice would you give someone who is interested in jumpstarting a fitness routine?

The best advice I would give to someone jumpstarting their fitness routine is DONT JUMPSTART, research and take your time you didn’t get out of shape in a day so you can’t get into shape in a day & if you’re serious find a fitness trainer. Not because I’m a trainer but because their are so much false information out there you never wanna hurt yourself or build the body in a different way then you desire or waste your time and effort and not make any progression. Learn the nutrition portion and the benefits of stretching properly. 

Can you give us 3 tips on staying motivated during a weight loss/fitness journey?

My three tips would be, set small and big goals, track your nutrition, and find accountability partners. The reason is simple. Small goals keep you motivated because you accomplish them daily even multiple daily, like workout 3 times this week, or plank for 2 min this week because last week was 1 min. Tracking your nutrition will show you why you’re not losing the weight or why you’re not making the progress you feel as if you should be. Of course your accountability partners will make you stay honest, when they ask how was the workout or you have to send videos or pictures of yourself there or your calorie burn it makes you stay close to your goals automatically. Amongst others those are the easiest. 

Lets talk about your locs. How long have you been Loc'd and what inspired you to loc your hair?

Almost 10 years since I had a skin fade, lol thank The lord for growth 😂.

My hair is like my only child. Don’t touch it without permission, don’t smell it without permission, don’t pull it without permission. Trust I’ve been through it all and then some. I’ve always wanted locs, my mom used to cut my hair as a kid if I misbehaved in school etc etc. so I vowed when I graduated high school that I’d be who I wanted to since a child. And that’s exactly what I look like today. Locs down hanging, slim look and with the line up to match. I think the thought of rebellion started it but the sense of belonging keeps me there. My hair just feels like it’s supposed to be locced. 

Where can our readers find you?

Find me in south Florida in the Miami sunshine, or social media wise, 

My website:

Sanityoversalary.org or crazyboydizzy.com

ig:  @crazyboydizzyig

Tw: @crazyboydizzy

Fb: Dizzy Watts 

Snap: @crazyboydizzy 

[darkbrokensoul1666]

Life update

The past week has just been problem after problem. Along with so much studying, tests and assignments. It started with ballet being cancelled last week monday. Tuesday , We then tried going to the dance shop a main road was shut so we took like a 20 minute detour - then couldnt find the shop. We then went to the shop - power was out. Pull out of shop - car starts making weird noise. We get home - power is out. Wednesday we take car to mechanic. We get a loan car. These mechanics didnt call and mum didn’t know what was going on until thursday afternoon when she called. Friday they then finally think they know whats wrong with it. $1700 - $2500 to replace the part. Then starts blowing white smoke. Mechanic recommendeds we dont drive home - we do. Mum woke me up friday night coz she felt dizzy, sick and had back and stomach pain. She then drive to my brothers mechanic friend the next day and he diagnoses the cars problem in 5 minutes. Turns out its a different thing and will only cost $500. Mum has a doctors appointment sunday after church and the doctor wants mum to take these antacid tablets and have blood test and ultrasound done. I now also have a psychology assignment that i neglected to use the time in class to do so now i have pages of questions that were due today so i will probably get 10% taken off. This friday i also have a massive dance 1000 word critical review due that i havent started because once again I neglected to use the time in class. Its also super hard to work in class when everyone around you isnt. I am bloody exhausted. Today mum had the blood test and has the ultrasound wednesday. On top of this my brother attempted to fix the car but its now leaking oil. My mum told him multiple times not to drive it home but yet he did. Today one if my friends also started asking why i wasnt eating and forgot every lie I usually tell and just said nothing and made an absolute fool out of myself. We didnt have dinner til 8:30pm so i totally broke my rule of notveating after 7pm and after 6:30pm. Now its study week with exams next week and im hella stressed and its like i never had a weekend. I want to just disappear. Ive also got such a headache and have no brain space to think about this psychology assignment.

On a more positive note my mum and i were looking at dance careers yesterday. I also found a dance short course at waapa for high school students in the summer holidays that costs $530-$550 that is 5 days long and goes for like 6hrs each day. I am hoping i can do it and mum can afford it and if not my dad will offer to pay hopefully. I am also hoping to start more dance lessons next year at a proper dance school as well as with school and my current ballet teacher. Im hoping to bring my total dance hours a week to about 10 next year

[whatifididsomethingnew]

Take Your Medication

I’m a college freshman in my second semester. I’ve been struggling with depression and ADHD for who knows how long, but I was diagnosed(i think? idk if it was official) in my freshman year of high school and given medication for it sometime in my senior year.

I didn’t take the medication very often. I started off strong, taking the ADHD medication especially to get me through classes and make sure the dosage lasted me to sixth period, my worst class at the time. But over the summer I stopped because I decided that the positive effects didn’t make up for the side effects: a lack of appetite and dry mouth.

Below the keep reading is my experience with mental illnesses and medication. It’s long. tl;dr If you have access to medication, take it. It helps. And make sure the dosage is right for you

 I’ve never been a bad student. Aside from failing algebra 2 in freshman year (ive never been good at “advanced” math, it was an IB class so even worse, and even better students agreed that the teacher was awful), I’ve gotten at worst 1-2 C’s per year. But since middle school I’ve found myself unable to pay attention, preferring to think about the book I want to read or the game I want to play or even just something else I started learning about. I figured out how to get by with finished homework and average tests. But I took about 6 AP tests in high school and only passed one, because I couldn’t study well enough to retain all the information I learned and forgot over the course, or pay attention to the exam to finish the multiple choice, or have enough foundation in the subject to write an essay that mattered at all.

This point in my life has almost certainly been my worst, depression-wise. I only live about twenty minutes away from my parents’ house, and I go home every weekend so I’m not just alone in my apartment for three days straight, but I’m still isolated during the week. My friends that are still in high school are busy with classes and extracurriculars and meeting with friends they still see everyday and very few of them have their own cars to drive up to visit me, and my friends in college are all busier than ever, all going to school anywhere from 15 minutes to like four hours away. My bad days are worse and happen more often and can span into bad weeks. I tend to write at best 1 page of notes after about 2 1/2 hours of classes a week, and drain my phone battery down to the sixties because I don't pay attention in lectures on subjects I’m not interested in. 

In high school I couldn’t wait for college, because I could choose my classes and the times and had the opportunity to make friends! But I realized I’m bad at making friends; I made one friend in kindergarten, when times were simpler, and all my lasting relationships (aside from my online friends, whom I treasure dearly) can be attributed to that one friendship. (I actually made a flowchart during class when another student was presenting, and I had the energy and motivation because I actually took my meds today!)

All this personal information about my Bad Times™ is to make you understand how much I needed to take my medication. But I don’t have classes everyday, so I didn’t think that taking ADHD meds everyday was worth it, and I (incorrectly) recalled that taking the depression meds didn’t help me enough to validate taking it everyday, instead only when it got really bad, but that plan didn’t work because when my depression is bad I don’t even have enough energy to text back or walk like four steps total to get my laptop, let alone walk to the bathroom and get the pills. 

So I didn’t take it, besides from when I worked my first 8-hour shifts at my first job. And those side-effects were extreme, because my body wasn’t used to these meds that were incredibly high in dosage because that’s what I need. I felt nauseous and dizzy enough to faint and went to the back room like four times an hour for a drink of water and it was still way less than I wanted. And I still didn’t learn my lesson about how the side-effects would get easier to handle if I took them more, but worse if I only took them on worst-case bases. I was thinking more in the moment about how bad I felt then, rather than about how I could feel better in the future if I pushed through.

I had a series of awful days, just last week. I cried several tears with no clear cause, only my own thoughts and boredom and depression, which means a lot in relation to me because I don’t cry. I watched Dear Evan Hansen and The Prom live, both with the original cast, and only cried a total of five tears at most, despite how these musicals and their subject matters are very dear to me. It was a bad week that came out of nowhere, nothing extraordinarily bad happened. I did the same thing as always, if not more. But still, it was a very bad week, because I was experiencing the heavy depression and it didn’t go away after I fell asleep. I don’t have classes on Wednesdays this semester; I have a lab on Mondays, and three lectures in a row on Tuesdays and Thursdays because I learned last semester that having enough leisure time to chill in my apartment for several hours between classes only makes going to the later class way more tedious. I usually get picked up by one of my parents on Thursdays while whichever of them it is drives home from work that day. That week I was lucky to have my Thursday classes cancelled, so I got picked up a day early. 

Being home is good for my health, adding it all up. It makes me a bit insecure about being independent, but fuck that I’m only 18 and I love my parents, I don’t need to be completely independent yet. Being home only improved when @pointlessoressential moved in with me; having someone so similar to me in regards of being content sitting and doing our own thing without the expectation to have something to Do™  all the time. It’s good for me, to have someone around me so I don’t get too isolated, but also not too overwhelmed. I’m usually pretty open with my mom, too, so being with her during the weekend and being able to talk with her or watch some easy TV together is good. I’ve never been very good at opening up to people; my main characterization with friends I’m not as close with is sarcasm and puns and whatever other humor to distract both of us from personal issues. I’ve been trying to get better, with help and reminders from the aforementioned bee and mom, as well as my best friend (who yes my meeting of and bonding with can indirectly be connected to that kindergarten friend, if you were wondering) who is much more skilled at telling me about her feelings than I am. But I’m trying. So I told my mom about how I had been having a bad week, once I got home.

My mom has dealt with depression her whole life, too. Most of her life she thought she also had anxiety, but when I was diagnosed with ADHD, the psychiatrist who had prescribed me the medications I take explained to both of us that ADHD in afab people (I'd say women bc my mom is cis but I'm nonbinary, so afab people) can be misdiagnosed as anxiety bc it’s different from what TV shows it to be, and the reactive anxiety (as opposed to constant, causeless anxiety from an anxiety disorder) is a symptom of ADHD. She’s dealt with the same issues all her life, so I go to her often when I hit the wall.

She told me to take the medication. I said I didn’t like the side-effects. She bought me mouthwash that helps dry mouth and a box of Rice Krispies Treats so I can eat something small but filling when I lose my appetite. She reminded me that the side-effects would improve if I took the medication more often. I am privileged in that I had the opportunity to see a doctor for my issues and be able to afford (even if barely) my medication, and I should take advantage of that instead of taking it for granted.

This is a long post, sharing my personal story about having mental illnesses, and how medication helps. It may not feel like it took effect, but then it’ll wear off and you’ll realize the difference. It’s better to feel stable, to feel “normal” for most of the day, than to get used to feeling awful. I took my medication this morning before class; I’ve taken about five hours to write this whole thing, due to having begun it before one lecture started, then continuing it during another while also listening to my professor review the first five chapters of Return of the King and discuss it with us. And now I’m in my apartment, on my laptop, switching between ending this PSA and checking on due dates and reviewing my calendar and just being 10 times more productive than I ever am.

I don’t know if anyone will need this advice. I don’t know how many will even click the read more. But this is a blog site, and this is something I’m trying to learn and have it remembered. It’s something I needed to put into words, and now it is.

[limitededitionsanderssidesblog]

Speech Impediment - Chapter 3

Ships: Romantic Logicality, pining prinxiety, platonic dlamp 

Summary: Halloween is just a few days away and the deadline for his project is nearing. Deceit wants nothing more than to work on his story, but things get in the way when the others invite him to a Halloween costume party. There’s only one problem... Deceit’s never been invited to a party. In other news Dexter discovers he hated almost every single type of alcohol in existence except one.

AO3 - Here

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6

Dexter sat comfortably at his desk as he worked the hours of his Wednesday afternoon away on his creative writing project. His snake, Dee Dee, made herself comfortable wrapped around his shoulders, content with watching her owner work on his computer.

After two all-nighters and much help from his new friends, Dexter was able to come up with a story idea. It was under the prompt ‘it was all just a dream’ to write a mystery, horror, suspense short story. It took place with a woman named Abigail who woke up in a small, coffin like, box; a voice speaking to her through a speaker directing her to escape with only a few tools before all the air was sucked out. When she made it out she was in another box and so on.

He was at the part when Abigail was about to drown as water filled the room from the bottom when the door opened, and in bounded Patton with his normal energetic behavior. Not long ago, last week, Dexter learned that Patton had ADHD, so the way he acted was no longer surprising to him and now expected.

“Hey, hey Dexter! Dee Dee!” The bubbly artist greeted with all the cheer of a thousand saints.

Dexter turned around in his chair and said hello before turning back to his story, determined to finish this chapter today so he could edit it tomorrow. One chapter to finish, another to start, and two chapters to edit before the due date in five days.

Patton, noticing his work ethic, strode over to peer over the smaller, younger, man’s shoulder to read his writing so far. But before he could get past the first sentence, Dexter covered the screen with his arms, crying “Please read it, it’s finished!”

“Sorry, there kiddo,” Patton said slightly dejected, “I was just curious.”

A pang of guilt seeped into the writer’s confused heart, regretting the tone he used with his first friend-adoptive-dad-person-thing.

“I’m not sorry, Patton. I just love it when people read my work before I proof read it myself.”

“That’s okay, but can I read it after you’re done?” Pat asked before gasping and hopping up and down in an excited dance, “Maybe I can be you’re editor!”

“...But you adore horror.”

“Oh yeah... maybe Virgil can be your editor? He’s getting his bachelors in poetry so he know English stuffs.”

Dexter thought about it for a second. He’s never been around Virgil with just the two of them, but he was able to pick up on the emo’s love for creepy and dark things. But his horror novels might trigger his anxiety, and Dexter didn’t want to give him a reason to hate him.

“I won’t think about it.”

“Yay!” Patton cheered and pulled Dexter into a hug, being careful not to squish Dee Dee. Dexter awkwardly stood there for a moment, still not used to receiving physical contact out of kindness let alone how to react to it. Eventually he settled for a pat on the head. Patton seemed pleased with the gesture and let go.

By the time dinner rolled around, Dexter had finished his chapter, saved it, then turned off his computer. About thirty minutes ago Patton had ordered pizza from Big Julius and invited the rest of the gang over. Logan had arrived first, but the two allowed him to work in peace as Logan read his textbook, and Patton played an assortment of games in his lap. When a call from the bottom floor came, Patton was notified that their pizzas had arrived, so he and his boyfriend left to retrieve it, coming back with both Roman and Virgil in tow, who had arrived around the same time as the pizza guy.

By the time they walked in with food and drinks-- cola for Virgil and Patton, wine for Logan, and beer for Roman --he had already put away his computer and set Dee Dee back in her terrarium; the poor little noodle got scared around too many people. Dexter had never had alcohol before, but he decided to give it a try to see if he’d like it. He knew he wouldn’t be pressured as there were two who didn’t drink, and that made him feel more at ease.

“Let’s get this party started bitches!”

“Roman language!”

“Don’t bother Pat, the idiot’s already in his own little world.”

Whelp, seemed like the others were already tipped off, if not from alcohol then from sugar.

“Mom! Virgil’s being mean!”

“For the one hundredth and fifty third time, don’t call me mom.”

Dexter sat on his bed with a small smile as he watched them interact with each other. Most times he was content just watching them talk and not saying anything himself, like now. When they all filled in, heading for their now usual spots-- Virgil and Roman on Patton’s bed, Logan and Patton on the beanbag, and him on his bed --Roman finally acknowledged him, handing him a bottle of beer.

“Here, it’s my favorite brand, and I went for something soft. But if you don’t like it I’ve brought an assortment of different types of liquor for you to try.”

“And I had to by it all.” Patton sighed, being the only one who was twenty-one in the group. Logan would be twenty-one in November, which was just around the corner so...

SHIT! Dexter would have to get him something! But he’s never bought someone a birthday present before. He only ever wrote poems or drew pictures for his parents that would make them even more afraid of their son. What the dang diddly heck could he get him?

Before he cold panic anymore, Dexter pushed all his dread down to feign composure. Taking the bottle in his hand and taking a brave swig, but nearly spat it out as soon as the liquid touched his tongue.

“It’s so sweet.” Dexter had never tasted anything so bitter in his life, it was worse than dried plums, his most hated food.

“Sorry, I didn’t think you’d like the sweet stuff, But this one taste like apples.” Roman said and took the bottle away, giving him a new one. Dexter tried it.

“It’s so smooth against the throat.” It was like he was drinking acid.

“Maybe you’re not a beer person, let’s try something else.”

And so they went through a list of different types of alcohol; some wine, nope; champagne, burn it; whiskey, pure toxic waste; vodka, how is this from a potato? Now it all came down to the last drink, Dexter already felt light headed and dizzy, but he was willing to try one last time. If he didn’t like it then he’d just join the ranks with Patton and Virgil and have soda.

“I don’t really drink this stuff, so I bought just a small bottle in case you didn’t want it.” Roman said setting a small bottle of ale into his palm. With a breath in and a gulp, Dexter took a chance and had a small sip. It was pleasant. It was sweet, but not overly so; it was sooth down the throat with a nice burning feeling; the aftertaste was bitter, but he oddly enjoyed it.

“This is horrible.”

“Really?” Logan asked, a light glass of peach wine in his palm.

“Nope, would never drink this again.” He confirmed and took another sip.

“Well good, Jackal and Lied, finally you like something.” Roman sighed, glancing at all the rejected drinks off to the side.

“Roman be nice, Dexter doesn’t have to like the alcohol you do.” Patton lectured him gently, mouth full of pizza. 

Now that his choice of drink was settle, they settled into light banter and talking, a detective crime show on in the background. Dexter spent a while just drinking water, trying to re-hydrate from all those drinks.

He noted off to the side that Roman was eating the vegan pizza and Virgil was eating the meat lover’s pizza. He chuckled at the irony that two people so different could like each other. Roman was really loud and obvious about his affection for the precious emo that needs to be protected, but Virgil was much quieter. Over the past couple weeks since that day in the coffee shop Dexter had spotted multiple signs that Virgil was crushing on the regal boy just as much as the prince was on him. That only made Dexter wonder if Virgil thought that he was being a flirt, or if he took him seriously and chose to ignore his advances on purpose. Whatever the case was, he just wished they would stop being dumb and get together, their needless pining was beginning to drive him insane, and he had only known them for a little less than three months; Dexter can only imagine how Logan and Patton feel.

Eventually the conversation shifted away from whatever it previously was, Dexter accidentally spaced off and missed everything, and turned to the upcoming holiday.

“So a theater buddy of mine invited me to his costume party this Saturday and said I could bring some friends. How ‘bout it?” Roman inquired of them, looking extremely hopeful in Virgil’s direction.

“I’d love too! Logan wouldn’t that be fun? We could go as a matching pair!” Patton hastily agreed, loving the sound of a Halloween party.

“I don’t object.” Lo replied with a loving smile, nuzzling his forehead against Patton’s, earning a giggle from the latter. “How about you Virge?”

“I dunno, large crowds aren’t really my thing.” He said uncomfortably, playing with the zippers on his jacket’s sleeves. Roman immediately lost his smile, moving in his spot on the bed to better face him.

“You won’t have to talk to anyone, we’ll all be there and if you want to leave I’ll take you home.” He compromised eagerly.

Virgil still looked unsure, but was unable to resist the magnetic pull of Roman’s puppy dog eyes.

“Ugh, fine.” He caved, “But only for a bit.” Roman readily agreed, giving Virge a large hug that he didn’t try to escape from. Virgil may have thought he was slick, but Dexter noticed his grin and blush. Goodness, he wished he had a camera, his ship was finally leaving the harbor.

“What about you Dexter?” Logan spoke up again, turning all eyes in the room to him.

“Yes I’ll go, I’ve been to tons of parties before.”

“Ah, come on kiddo, it’ll be fun! And just like Virgil, you won’t have to push yourself.” Patton told him, trying to persuade him.

Dexter took a second to ponder. He’s never been invited to a party before, not even for birthdays, so he didn’t know what to do. His friends would be there to help, but he still felt like he’d mess up somehow. He had a project due in five days, but it was nearly done, and perhaps he could work at the party as well. He still had to think of a present for Logan in eight days, but he could ask Patton for ideas and stop by the shops next week. He could make it work, but Dexter couldn’t help but feel like he was about to agree to torturing himself. He’ll see how it goes.

“No.”

.

.

I orginally was going to end it with chapter two, but i just loved it too much to let it go so soon. Plus you peeps seemed it like it too. Tell me what’cha think. See Ya!

Taglist:

@noneed4thistbh @romanasanders @fuckingemoace @bunny222 @sea-blue-child @astraastro @helloitstimetofight @blue-wolfbane @applecannibal 

[seamystic7]

Confirming a Gut Feeling

pt 1

So I am 16 weeks into my first pregnancy and to say that it has been an adventure is an understatement. Let us start from the beginning, during the last days of December of 2021. The exact date being December 26th, 2021. This emotionally unavailable girl decided to have a quick round of sex with a long-standing situationship that had been a thing for the past 4-5 years.  Exactly maybe about a week later, I felt something was going on with my body. Correction I knew something was going on with my body. However, because of the overthinker I am, I just thought I was just going crazy. Wednesday, January 5th, 2022 I took a pregnancy test to ease my nerves and it was negative. I let one of my closest friends know, well she knew from the first day I started having the feeling. In all honesty, I do believe she started getting annoyed with my overthinking and freaking out. She was to the point of telling me to just wait for my period. However, she is too nice and was never mean or told me anything. Going back to the test did that ease my nerves…..not one bit. I still could not shake the feeling but had no choice but to wait it out.

  Moving on to Wednesday, January 7th of 2022 the feeling and subtle symptoms were still getting my anxiety at an all-time high. I left early for my job one so that I could open up the rooms in our medical office and take a quick trip to the restroom before the day started. Took another test, and waited, finally results came in to view. I stood there for about a good 3 minutes before rushing downstairs and going to the front desk. I went to bug my office manager and asked if I could steal her for a quick second. She came and I had her look at the test and whispered, “Do you see what I see?” She chuckled a little bit and said “it’s faint but it’s there”. All I could manage to say is “So this is happening”. Then I just walked away because patients began showing up and the workday was officially starting. Was I in complete shock that this was happening? More than likely yes. However, if I am busy and in shock, until I have a moment to breathe and take everything in I am not going to have any type of response. Until I get those few minutes to breathe. My main focus is if I am at my workplace all I am going to do is work until I have time to focus on my personal life. I sent a picture of the test to my friend and possibly a few other people but honestly don’t remember. Everything was in a blur for me not because I wanted to ignore it but because I didn’t know how to react.

In my previous relationship, we did try multiple times to have a baby and it was just never in the cards for us. This situationship had been going on for four almost five years and never did anything like this happen. So not so much that I was in denial, just in a lot of disbelief. Yes, I’ve always wanted a baby, but I never thought I deserved to be one. Much less that I get blessed with this experience. Because of how hard I tried in my previous relationship and it just never happened. I thought I was more broken not only mentally but also physically and believed this couldn’t happen to me. Seeing those faint lines brought a lot of emotions up for me some I knew but others that I had not experienced in so long. I didn’t understand how to process it all so I worked until I had lunch and then I sat there by myself in my office and started planning my next steps. Because if there was truly a tiny child growing inside of me I needed to be sure so that I could start preparing.

My most telling moment was when I was at my 12hr night shift on January 7th, 2022 at the hospital and I ordered my lunch. I couldn’t even drink my soda. If anyone knows me personally then you know how much of a sodaholic I was before this pregnancy. Getting sick off of three sips never happens to me no matter how terrible the soda may be. I was also getting dizzy and felt so weak throughout the night. Yes, 12hr night shifts are long and I had another job at the time but I was used to my crazy schedule. It shouldn’t have been affecting me as much as it was this shift. This insane schedule I had been working for months with little to no issues. So the symptoms that were popping up shouldn’t have been a thing not even if I was sick.

Throughout that shift, I was letting someone know about how I was feeling. For the curious minds that made it this far along and are itching to know. Yes, the father was informed after the first test. He was the one I was letting know of the symptoms throughout the shift. Again this was a very big shock for both of us so for a while he was being informed and responding. I worked the shift got home and rested. I made that Saturday my rest day mentally, I didn’t worry about anything, didn’t ignore it but just really needed a break from the thought. That day was a complete blur for me, if anything was done there is no recollection of it. The only thing I remember clear as day was Sunday, January 9th, 2022.

I woke up at 5:30 am went to the restroom and decided to take two more tests. Waited and both were the same results. This time the plus signs for both were clear as day and there was no questioning. It was 5:46 am I sent pictures of the test to my friend and the father I believe. So of course I wasn’t gonna get a response right away. I went to my room with the tests covered and just kept staring. Trying to wrap my head around everything that was going to come. It was Sunday so, of course, I couldn’t call my PCP to go request a blood test. More waiting had to be done. I messaged the father and let him know that I was requesting the blood test the next day and I’d keep him updated. He just basically said okay and that we’d talk about things. Monday came and I called my PCP went to pick up the order, scheduled my appt for the next day at the Lab, and continued working at job one. Went home, to bed then woke up the next day and went to my appointment. My friend met me there for support cause even though I am not the best at showing emotions she knew this was a lot for me.

Let me tell you I was over all of this waiting by this point. However, being the semi-medical professional that I am. I needed to get this blood test done because it was the final confirmation I needed for myself. Not just because the father was requesting. When the results came in the next day and were posted at 7 am I saw and in bright red letters, it read POSITIVE. I let my friend know, the father and I believe my cousin. The father wanted levels unfortunately my PCP did not order for levels. So I had an appointment coming up with my Gynecologist and said I would bring it up with her. For me, I accepted what was going on and what was to come and had to start preparing and figuring things out. Nine months goes by quickly and there were going to be a lot more challenges for me to get through. As this blog series continues you will understand what I mean. Because just as it was stated in the beginning. To say this pregnancy has been an adventure so far is a great big understatement.

[thejourneytomyheart]

May 7th, 2021- My Surgery Info

I’m back!  It has been a little while since I have written.  Mostly because, well, life.  Life is busy and chaotic.  Also, it’s been mostly uneventful the past year with COVID.  However, the positive of that is that I have just been able to be spending time with Scarlett. And my blog was mostly about my journey to getting Scarlett.  So I haven’t posted much else because we got her and that is the end (or new beginning) of that chapter.  This post sort of goes with that theme.

I am going to apologise in advance if something doesn’t make sense.  I am trying to watch as I go.  I am on high pain meds as I type this.  Why?  That is why I am updating.

***The short version- I had surgery today, May 7th, to remove my left ovary and tube.  When they got in there they were actually able to save the ovary and only took the tube.  They did send something to pathology, but he said it didn’t look “too bad”.  It was laparoscopic and I am home now recovering.  If you want to know more and what led to this, keep reading.

Full backstory:

I had been having pain.  Pain in my pelvic area since after Scarlett was born.  Obviously that is normal after growing a human and pushing it out down there.  SO I didn’t think anything of it.  6 months past, still had it, one year came so I mentioned it to my OB.  She said it really shouldve went away but since it’s getting better (and it was and less often) then it’s possible to just be leftover from that.

Well, it got less and less.  But, I would have flare ups.  And when it hurt, it hurt.  It was not just my pelvis, but my lower back, hips, groin, buttocks, etc.  So this didn’t seem like an OB issue.  I just let it go.  Until I randomly had a could of days that it flared up and I literally could not walk.  It was awful.  I thought maybe it was something I needed to see a chiropractor for.  BUT, I still believe whatever it was stemmed from giving birth.  So, FINALLY, I decided to call my OB.  Got the pap smear.  Came back normal.  But she ordered an ultrasound.  

So, on April 9, I went for the ultrasound.  Then I was supposed to discuss the results with my doctor in an hour.  Well, she got called away for a delivery.  So they set me up with a virtual consult with her the following Wednesday, April 14th.  

April 14th- Consult with my doctor.  She said there was “a lot going on in there”.  Some fibroids and small cysts that can be normal, blah blah, but she wasn't worried about them.  BUT, on the other side there was a huge cyst.  About 5-6 cm, so 2.5 inches.  She was a little concerned about the size, but what most concerned her was that it had “several small nodules with vascularity”.  So normally cysts are fluid filled.  Women have them all the time and don’t know.  The body normally absorbs them.  But they can get big, they can rupture or burst.  I have had one burt before (multiple times) and that is THE WORST pain I have had in my life.  It landed me in the ER three times.  AWFUL.  If you know you know.  Then came the words… I am referring you to a gynecological oncologist/surgeon.  We need this out and it will need to be tested.  Beyond that, it is his expertise.  The Cancer Center will be calling you to set up an appointment.  That word is scary.  Cancer.  You hear it all the time, but it sounds different when it’s about you.  

I get home and I am still shocked, numb, but still not sure about anything.  Then I have to tell justin and of course he is very concerned.  And doing things he shouldn’t do (googling).

They call me the next day.  And set up an appointment April 27th.  That seemed so far away, but apparently we were expedited and that was quick.  The next two weeks were filled with so much mental exhaustion.  (Also, dealing with a TWO year old, and end of the year school stuff).  It was two weeks and thinking, and reading, and googling, and talking about the WHAT IFS.  You can’t help but let your mind wander.

Finally the consult came.  It didn’t give much more information.  Basically you can’t know anything until they go in and look.  Based on age, bloodwork, family history…. The textbook answer is that it is nothing.  Of course, we all know there are exceptions.  So it needed to come out.  They decided they needed to take the left ovary and tube.  Obviously the cyst would come out as well to be tested.  The more scary part is when he mentioned that once he gets in there, if it has spread then we may need to take more...the uterus, the other tube, and ovary, etc…  I want another baby, so this hit hard.  We left, still in shock and waiting for a call to schedule the surgery.  Went for ice cream, because…..ice cream.  While there we got the call.  May 7th.  

So the next two weeks were a lot of thinking and planning.  WHat do I do with and how will this affect taking care of Scarlett? How long can’t I work?  What if…? SO many thoughts.  Decided to take a full week off work.  I know it is laparoscopic but I still feel like I might need a week.  Writing 6 days of sub plans was the worst. And then lining up things with Scarlett.  Then Justin has to make some sacrifices with soccer to be home more and help with babysitter drop off and pick up.  I like to be in control of all of that.

  Then I asked about weight restrictions (in my mind it will be like 20 lbs for like a week or 2.  Imagine my shock when they tell me that recovery time is 2-6 weeks.  And lifting restrictions at 10 lbs for 6 weeks.  I immediately panicked.  FIrst , I had to run down to my boss and tell her.  Luckily she was really nice about it. Then, I was freaking out because I have a two year old that is 22 lbs.

So here we are, May 7th.  Had to get up at 4 am to drink some gatorade by 5.  We had to get to the hospital by 6.  My mom stayed the night to stay with Scarlett in the morning because the sitter doesn’t open til 7.  We get there, get registered and I go back for pre op.  Pretty uneventful.  I have never had surgery before so I was so scared.  Had to wash up, get undressed, get the IV started.  The anesthesiologist came in to talk.  The surgeon came in to talk. Then they whisked me back to the operating room around 7:45.

Being wheeled into the operating room was THE SCARIEST.  I started crying.  In my head I was like, why didn’t they put me to sleep before bringing me in there.  It was just a huge white, cold room, like you see on tv.  Just one little skinny metal table in the middle with the big metal lights and people rushing around to get ready.  The nurses were super nice and walked me through everything they were doing.  They had country music on.  This is how fast I was out...I have 2.5 songs that I remember.  They put me on the metal table then had to strap me down because it was so small.  Both arms were out and strapped and over my torso.  They told me they were gonna take good care of me and I was going to fall asleep and wake up in no time. BOOM

My surgery was scheduled to be from 8:00-10:00.

Next thing I am “waking up”  really just opening my eyes for a minute at I see a clock.  I was in recovery and it was only 9:00.  Nurse came in, said they actually only had to take the tube because the ovary was fine.  Since I want more kids, he left it.  And nothing else.  They did send the solid mass to pathology to be tested. We will know those results in two weeks.  I just have 3 small incisions.  One is a little bigger to get it out.  Then I fell back asleep until they brought Justin back at 9:30.  He said I was actually done at 8:35.  Then I was in and out 9:30-10:30.  At 10:30 they said I could get dressed whenever I felt like it and recover at home.  I literally thought I was going to be there til late afternoon/evening.  Also, because it ended up being less than they thought, they think they may be able to back my restrictions to only 2-3 weeks instead of 6. (driving, working, lifting), which is a relief.  I have to call him next week to ask.  And then he will have to evaluate me before he releases me to do that.  So, honestly, best case scenario.  I do feel a little guilty because I am so lucky when I know others aren’t.  But that just humbles me and makes me so very thankful.

Getting up was rough, dizziness, nausea, pain…..  So it took a while.  But by 11:40 we were on the road home.  The ride home was AWFUL.  I was sooo dizzy and thought I was going to vomit (but I didn’t).  Got home and ate because i was starving.  Then went to sleep (painful, but manageable).  Just woke up.  It is 4:30 ish.  Wanted to write this and then I can take pain meds again.

Justin went to get Scarlett.  I am worried about her wanting me to hold her.  But, it is only temporary.

*No idea if this was due to Ivf, but very possible. Still worth it. Even if they would’ve had to take everything, I’d do it all again to get Scarlett.

[gordonwilliamsweb]

Backed by Millions in Public and Private Cash, Rapid Covid Tests Are Coming to Stores Near You

Scientists and lawmakers agree that over-the-counter covid tests could allow desk workers to settle back into their cubicles and make it easier to reopen schools and travel.

This story also ran on Fortune. It can be republished for free.

But even as entrepreneurs race their products to market, armed with millions of dollars in venture capital and government investment, the demand for covid testing has waned. Manufacturing and bureaucratic delays have also kept rapid tests from hitting store shelves in large numbers, though the industry was energized by the Food and Drug Administration’s greenlighting of two more over-the-counter tests Wednesday.

Corporate giants and startups alike plan to offer a dizzying array of test options, most costing between $10 and $110. Their screening accuracy varies, as does the way consumers get results: collection kits mailed back to a lab, devices synced with artificial intelligence-enabled apps on a smartphone that spit out results within 15 minutes, and credit card-sized tests with strips of paper that must be dipped into a chemical substance.

“At-home tests are one of the key steps to getting back to normal life,” said Andy Slavitt, a member of the White House COVID-19 Response Team, during a February briefing.

The Biden administration announced in March it will allocate $10 billion from the recently passed stimulus package for covid testing to expedite school reopenings, and earlier said it would invoke the Defense Production Act to manufacture more at-home tests. Separately, the federal government has already sent millions of Abbott Laboratories’ BinaxNOW rapid tests to states, and California, for instance, is giving 3 million of them to its most disadvantaged school districts for free.

Large employers, like Google, sports leagues and the federal government, have already shelled out millions to regularly test their workers. Amazon just received emergency use authorization from the FDA for its own covid test and home collection kit, which it intends to use for its employee screening program.

Individuals who want to buy over-the-counter tests can bill their health insurance plans, which are required by the federal government in most cases to fully cover covid tests that have been authorized by the FDA.

Everlywell, based in Austin, Texas, is an at-home diagnostic company that already sells its collection kit to consumers through its website and Walgreens, and will soon offer same-day delivery via DoorDash in a dozen cities. Dr. Marisa Cruz, Everlywell’s executive vice president of regulatory and clinical affairs, said buyers can seek reimbursement from their insurance plans for the kit’s $109 cost. The tests are also eligible for purchase with pretax dollars from health savings or flexible spending accounts, she said.

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Even with vaccines, epidemiologists say, rapid tests are desperately needed because more testing, along with mask-wearing and physical distancing, will get people back in offices and classrooms and help catch cases that go undetected. A report by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that, of people with active infections, 44% reported no symptoms.

But the market for over-the-counter tests is risky. Demand for testing has plunged dramatically since the height of the winter surge and may not rebound as more people are vaccinated.

“You clearly are at risk of missing the market,” said Michael Greeley, co-founder and general partner at Flare Capital Partners, a venture capital firm focused on health care technology.

But Douglas Bryant, president and CEO of Quidel Corp., remains unfazed, even after the diagnostics manufacturer’s testing demand dropped by about one-third in the past two months.

“The level of testing for people with symptoms and the ‘worried well,’ who see others getting tested and think they should, too, is subsiding,” Bryant said. “But once we start to get more people vaccinated, the government will move from campaigning to get people vaccinated to saying, ‘Please test yourself regularly so we can get back to work.’”

Quidel, headquartered in San Diego, recently unveiled its latest test, the QuickVue At-Home COVID-19 Test, which takes 10 minutes to detect the coronavirus by homing in on specific proteins, called antigens. The FDA authorized the test for over-the-counter use Wednesday, and Quidel plans to announce retail partners in the coming weeks.

The FDA said in mid-March it would speed the pipeline for “screening testing,” including at-home covid tests that don’t require consumers to have symptoms or a prescription.

In February, the Biden administration cut a $232 million deal with Ellume, whose rapid antigen test was authorized by the FDA in December. Paired with an app, the test takes 15 minutes to analyze after a nose swab.

The Australian company currently ships hundreds of thousands of test kits a week to the U.S. from its factory in Brisbane to large companies and the Department of Defense. It plans to be on the shelves of multiple pharmacies by the second half of the year and in one major retailer in April, said Dr. Sean Parsons, the company’s founder and CEO.

“We are going as fast as we can possibly go,” he said.

The main holdup for Ellume has been getting enough swabs for its production line. The company is building a factory in the U.S. to reduce international shipping costs and increase production.

Abbott, which dominates the rapid-test market, said in January it expects to sell 120 million BinaxNOW antigen tests to consumers in the first half of the year. People who take the test now must do so under observation by telemedicine platform eMed. But Abbott received authorization from the FDA this week for an over-the-counter version that won’t require remote observation or a prescription. The test will be available in U.S. stores in the coming weeks, the company said.

Throughout the pandemic, the government has depended heavily on medical device behemoth Abbott’s testing options. The company’s rapid-diagnostics arm alone has snared $673 million in federal contracts to combat the coronavirus, according to a ProPublica database. This includes bulk purchases made by the Defense Department, the national prison system, Immigration and Customs Enforcement, the State Department and former President Donald Trump's office.

But antigen tests sometimes report false negatives, particularly among people without symptoms, noted Dr. Jac Dinnes, who co-authored a review of 64 covid test studies. By comparison, polymerase chain reaction (PCR) tests — generally employed by commercial labs — are more sensitive. PCR tests search for the virus’s genetic material over multiple testing cycles, which magnifies what’s in the swab sample, requiring a much smaller viral load for detection.

Antigen tests are the basis for most at-home screening, but the FDA has also authorized two at-home options — made by Lucira Health and Cue Health — that use molecular processes similar to a PCR test.

Still, many experts support the widespread distribution of cheap, rapid tests, even if they aren’t as sensitive as lab-run alternatives, and see a demand. In Germany, the supermarket chain Aldi began selling rapid tests in early March, roughly $30 for a five-pack, and sold out within hours. One recent study found that if a pack of tests was mailed to every household in the U.S. — even assuming that up to 75% would go into the garbage — they would save thousands of lives and avert millions of infections.

“Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good,” said study co-author and Yale University professor A. David Paltiel. “This doesn’t have to work perfectly to make a huge difference.”

Some companies are working on rapid-testing options that more precisely read samples, such as Gauss.

The Menlo Park, California, health tech company, which before the pandemic created an artificial intelligence-based app to measure surgical blood loss in real time, aims to harness its expertise to improve on the basic antigen test. It took about a week for CEO Siddarth Satish to raise $30 million of venture capital last October.

Its covid-testing app uses facial recognition software to confirm that test-takers correctly swab their noses. The app provides step-by-step instructions and timers. After 15 minutes, an algorithm based on thousands of sample tests interprets the result — which displays as a colored line, as with a pregnancy test — using the phone’s camera.

Gauss and Cellex, which manufactures the Gauss tests, await FDA authorization. In the meantime, they have produced more than 1.5 million kits and struck deals with supermarket chain Kroger and e-pharmacy site Truepill to sell them for about $30.

“A huge part of the accuracy issue with rapid tests is that you have to visually interpret them,” Satish said. “Sometimes you get really faint lines, just like with a pregnancy strip, and there’s some guesswork.”

Lucira Health, based in Emeryville, California, uses something called loop-mediated isothermal amplification technology, which is similar to PCR tests in precision. In February, the company went public, raising $153 million largely to fund the manufacturing of its all-in-one testing kit, currently prescribed by doctors across the country. The kit comes with a nose swab and a vial of chemicals analyzed by a hand-held device — taking up to 30 minutes for results.

Kelly Lewis Brezoczky, Lucira’s executive vice president, envisions the test kit on the shelf in local pharmacies, perched next to the NyQuil. “I always like to tell people that it is as easy to use as toothpaste,” she said.

KHN (Kaiser Health News) is a national newsroom that produces in-depth journalism about health issues. Together with Policy Analysis and Polling, KHN is one of the three major operating programs at KFF (Kaiser Family Foundation). KFF is an endowed nonprofit organization providing information on health issues to the nation.

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Backed by Millions in Public and Private Cash, Rapid Covid Tests Are Coming to Stores Near You published first on https://nootropicspowdersupplier.tumblr.com/

[anxiouspregnantlady]

14w & bumping

Alright I’m bumping

Old symptoms (that are still hanging around): really slight nausea, booooobs hurt, burping, bleeding gums, constipation, fatigue - though not as bad.

New symptoms: Hairy belly lol, dizziness, heartburn, aches & sensation all the dang time, very emotional (crying a few times a day at the weirdest things)

Also, I can feel my uterus moving up & out from behind my pubic bone, which is so lovely and reassuring ... at least something is growing in there.

I LOVE complaining abt pregnancy. I keep telling my husband that if I’m complaining it’s because i’m feeling grateful. Make sense? No? too bad.

New purchases this week: Bought some maternity denim shorts from target. It hit 72 degrees today! I had 20% off so it was less than $20. Also bought a pregnancy pillow after much back-and-forth and the verdict is that it is WORTH IT. Getting it not just for comfort but also to help me stay on my side when i sleep (which I’m supposed to do now that i’m indisputably in the AHHH second trimester).

The joy of being pregnant has slowly started to sink in a little. The weather is rapidly warming up and the Spring i never thought would come is finally here.

I’m going on long-ish walks most days and stopping / taking the bus home whenever I feel too tired. I did an easy 20 min prenatal workout today and might start to do that more often if it feels good. 

What am I eating? Whole foods brand english muffins. They’re SO GOOD. Sourdoughy and pillow-y and overall vastly superior to sad ole’ Thomas. Plus they’re bigger and cheaper. Today I also made crepes (w/ turkey & muenster) and they weren’t half bad! Ice creeem. And a good dose of normal food (YAY!) which means mostly asian food and sandwiches haha.

Next things to look forward to: Telehealth midwife appointment next Wednesday, and then an in-person appointment two weeks after that. I’ll be 16+4!

Also really looking forward to a quick mini-vacation that we planned at the end of the month. To a suburb in new jersey with a high concentration of korean and shanghainese food haha.

Also....we freaking bought a house. Our first home. Last friday. So we’re all up in arms trying to call cleaners and going to home depot twice in one day and making spreadsheets for packing and moving and figuring out how to redo the dryer vent.

Also. I got invited to get the vaccine. But going to sit on that decision for a bit.

ALSO IT’S LATE and i’m going to get to bed now. But yeah if you can’t tell I’m in a pretty good mood! because we’re GOING TO HAVE A BABY. Not gonna lie a few things really made me sad/upset this week though. One is family related and infuriating and sad at the same time. The other is about the first infertility account I followed on instagram years ago. She found out last week that she was pregnant after four years and multiple ivf rounds and I was so over the moon for her that i couldn’t stop crying for a while. Yesterday she posted that she got devastating news at her first ultrasound - there wasn’t a yolk sac or a baby at 6+1. They had a BO (blighted ovum, gross name, we had it too our first pregnancy). But yeah the world is so fucking unfair. It just is. 

[ohholyfanfics]

Cup of Coffee 0.4|N.Horan

Summary:  Jade wonders if Niall is rethink being with, and the girls join a rooftop cinema club.

Last Part:0.3

.Smiling at the sight of him waiting for her, he placed a soft kiss on his lips before sitting down across for him. Niall and Jade had made it a thing, were at least three times a week they would meet up for coffee before being thrown into a over demanding day at the office. Today Jade looked too good in Niall’s opinion and he’d let her know that the moment she had sat down making her cheeks flush. He chuckled softly before they both were engrossed in a conversation about their night and morning. Jade's was much more interesting as she had told him about an app, Libby had recently been testing for the social media aspect of Glamour.

“We still on for dinner?” She asked as he held the door open for her. Luckily for her, her office building was only two buildings away while Niall had a ways walk, not that he minded. She watched as his face fell.

“Rain check?” He asked as she smiled and nodded her head. She wasn’t expecting him to drop everything for her, and she was okay with it. Jade knew Niall was running an empire and he needed to be there to make sure everything when smooth sailing. “I’m sorry..” He sighed pulling her to him as she waved it off.

“It’s fine Ni, you have an empire to run.” She responded as she wrapped her arms around her neck pulling his face closer to her. His cologne filled her sense making slightly dizzy. “Besides, i get you all to myself tomorrow night..” She hummed before pressing her lips on his.

Relaxing into her embrace, he pulled her closer wanting to savor the feeling of her lips on hers. Pulling away he rested his forehead on hers with a soft smile. “I promise I’ll make it up to you..” He state as she rolled her eyes pulling away.

“Don’t worry about Ni, now go run that business..” She winked as she stepped away from him and towards her office. Looking back she smiled as he was still standing there, navy suite, gray tie and all. It made her beam with happiness knowing she was the one he’d be thinking about all day.

Walking into the building she was greeted by Libby and Danielle hanging out in the coffee shop in the lobby. Walking over to them, Libby sent her a wink commenting about how Jade was glowing and how there absolutely no way the hot CEO wasn’t giving her some type of action.

“Of course she's getting something Libs..” Danielle teased Jade as her cheeks flushed red as she thought back to her and Niall’s steamy night two days ago. Sure, they had yet to actually be fully intimate but had gone down was more then enough to have her mind raving about what was to come. She wasn’t about to admit that to the girls though.

“Anyways enough about Miss.CEO here.” Libby stated as the elevator door opened and they arrived on their floor. Greeting Monica, they walked farther into the office and towards  the social media department. “I have signed us all up for a club..”

“A club?” Jade asked as Libby nodded her head spinning her chair.

“A rooftop cinema..” She stated as Cathy came out of the conference room. Jade gave her a smile before rushing off towards the room where the editors and writers were gathering for the daily follow up.

“Fill me in at lunch?” She asked as the girls gave he a thumbs up as she walked inside the room taken a seat besides Alex who flashed her a smile.

The meeting was quick assignments where giving and switched around. Jade was glad she was giving the weekly update online. It was a simple but yet popular segment online, Cathy had emailed her the subjects to talk about and the ones to stray from. Jade had been planning to write it sometime between Wednesday and Thursday night. Libby had informed her on the club she had signed them up for as they walked into the kitchen.

“It’ll be fun.” Jade agreed with a smile as she looked up. Her gaze catching the man before her, who sent her a wink making her cheeks flush in embarrassment. It wasn’t that Dave wasn’t an attractive male, cause my God was he a site for sore eyes. It was the fact that she was seeing someone unofficially but still she was seeing someone she very much liked.

So far the day has been brutal for Jade. She had managed to spill coffee all over herself forcing her to barrow something from the fashion department, and to top things off Niall called canceling on the rest of the weeks plans. Jade knew she couldn’t let this bother her, they weren’t even official yet and he did have a business to run. She knew things like this would happen but for it to happen so soon when she was really looking forward to seeing him hurt more than anything else. Sighing as she mixed herself up a drink, she picked up last months segment as she skimmed through.

“Alright there?”

Jumping slightly she turned around coming face to face with Dave again. Smiling, she nodded her head setting her glass down.

“Rough day…” She chuckled as he nodded his head. Dave wasn’t a stranger to the editors and writers. They have seen him multiple times when the big monthly issue meetings are held, but this was Jane’s first time actually having a conversation with him.

“Understandable.” He stated as he made himself a cup of coffee. “Congrats by the new on the new position, you deserve it Jade.” He smiled as her cheeks flushed.

“Thanks Dave, that means a lot to me..” She sighed leaning her bodying on the island between them as he chuckled. He’d read many of her articles before and to say he was blown away was a understatement. The amount of talent and potential the young woman had was out of this world.

“Just recognizing amazing work.”

Looking up at the blue skies above, she let out a sigh as Niall continued to explain his reasoning for cancelling their plans for the second time that week. She understood he carried the world on his shoulders and didn’t always expect him to see her every waken moment of the day, but cancelling like this was starting to do a number in head, and had rethinking her choices for perhaps the fifth time since they started seeing each other. Danielle insists its the lack of communication, while Libby believes its the lack of a title the two have.

“Niall-”

“I’m sorry darlin’..” He breathed out as she smiled softly knowing he was most likely tugging on the roots of his hair as he tried to come up with a solution. “It’s not okay babe, I should be able to make time for you..” He sighed as he looked down at his schedule trying to see what he can move around to make time for her, he needed to make time if he wanted this work.

“Hey it’s fine babe..” She breathed as she walked into the coffee shop. “You’re busy and I understand that. Plus this week I’m kinda swamped don’t feel bad.” She stated as she took her order sitting down at a table near the window.

“Do you need anything?’ He asked as she smiled and looked up meeting Dave’s soft smile. She nodded his head as he made a jester at the chair across from her.

“No, I’m fine I promise..”

“You sure..”

“Positive..”

“I’ll see you soon?” He breathed out as the guilt started to eat him alive as he started to think of all that he could possibly do to see her at least once before the weekend.

“Of course.”

Hanging her phone up she looked at Dave who gave her a soft smile. As much as she hated to admit it, Dave was a excellent contender in helping her forget the fact that Niall wasn’t able to see her. Dave had somehow found himself int he group of friends, and felt nothing short of welcome by the group, he even joined them for after work drinks yesterday.

“How’s the article coming along?” He asked as she groaned throwing her head back in frustration. He chuckled as she gave him a glare letting him know just how stressful it was. “Hey, be thankful it wasn’t the monthly quiz.” He pointed out as she nodded her head.

“Thank God..” She winked as they both let out a laugh as Libby and Alex danced into the cafe and sat besides the two. It wasn’t long before the four were walking out of the cafe towards the offices but not before setting plans in stone for a low key dinner at a restaurant following their day.

Sighing, Jade looked back at the empty word document before her, as she heard the from door slam shut knowing Libby is most likely home from work. Looking up she was greeted by her four best friends. A soft smile made it’s way onto her face as she saw the bags of take out.

“Take out and shitty alcohol?” Libby asked with a smile as jade laughed and nodded her head making room for everyone.It wasn’t long before they were all a mess of tangled limbs, as a shitty movie was playing on the screen as together the five of them managed ti collect enough ideas, rather how stupid or observed they sounded, Jade was able to complete her article and sent it in.

“So what are we doing Friday again?” David asked as he watched Alex and Jade play a heated gave of connect four on their group chat.

“Roof top cinema club..” Jade stated as Libby nodded her head with excitement flowing through her body as she went on to explain what would be going down.

“And we are going because?” Alex stated taken a break from his game as Jade took her turn.

“Jade here needs a little break, between work and Niall she needs as much of her free time taken up as possible!” Danielle stated as she refilled her cup.

“Niall?” David asked confused not knowing just who they were talking about.

“Yeah, Horan you know him?” Alex asked as he took a turn and groaning as Jade let out a loud cheer.

“As in CEO Niall Horan?”

“Hmmm…”

“How do you know him?” He asked Jade as her cheeks turned an unhealthy shade of scarlet, causing the group as well as Dave to let out a chorus of laughs.

“They’re dating!”

“YOU’RE DATING NIALL HORAN?!”