#but oh well i mean i was thinking about the playlist project bc it
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kuiinncedes · 2 years ago
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700 more words TT
#have written 1700 words today aknjfkjgfhj#i wonder if my strategy of just writing whatever tf i can think of down first (what i've been doing today)#and then going back and organizing/elaborating/deleting/etc after will come back to bite me tho#idk i had a solid like 1000 words i think where i wasn't struggling too much to write what i wanted to write#and then i was like lmfao shit now what#ugh anyway i'm tired but i wanna finish the 2400 words today so i can do all that otehr stuff to actually make it coherent tomorrow#it's due tomorrow afternoon ;-; and here i am putting words on tumblr dot com instead LOL#and then i have exam on friday ;-; but i like that class but it is rly hard and i havent fully comprehended everything yet#bc i havent done any practice/studying yet ;-; so gotta cram after turning this project in lmfao rip#ahhhhfhajfghlsdbjksdfgjlkadhgaidrhg screaming so close yet so far still lol#bro i was like very productive for like a couple hours maybe this afternoon and then after that i've been . not as productive TT#1700 words tho !!!!! 700 more i can do it probably TT#i could've chosen a final project option that wasn't writing some kinda essay but iiiiiiii didnt :'')#i actually like somehow completely forgot about the fact that i was obsessed w rina's htg album and one of the options was like a playlist#option and i feel like a lot of the songs could fit w themes we discussed in class this asian am lit class :P#esp bc minor feelings and we read (parts of) the book minor feeligns lol#but i forgot about that until someone mentioned the song in class as part of Their project 💀#but oh well i mean i was thinking about the playlist project bc it#seemed like the easiest ngl LMAO but nothing was rly jumping out at me for songs#granted when i was thinking about it my mind blanked to just like taylor even tho i definitely haven't only been listening to taylor XD#ANYWAY WORDS 700 WORDS#sigh maybe that 12-3am grind will hit lmfao#jeanne talks#FINALS WE CAN DO IT GOOD LUCK TO ALL OF YALL DOING FINALS SHIT ANDGJFHGDJKDJFK
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mercurygguk · 1 year ago
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head over skates · jjk ; part iii.
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··· SUMMARY; jeon jungkook is the captain of the hockey team and one of the biggest fuckboys on campus. you happen to have known him for as long as you can remember but he is not who he used to be and you simply can’t stand it.
so what happens when you’re suddenly stuck doing a project with him for three weeks?
SERIES MASTERLIST · # TAG · MOOD BOARDS · PLAYLIST
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PAIRING; hockey player!jungkook x f. reader
GENRE; fwb au, childhood friends to enemies to lovers au, college au
WORDCOUNT; 1,255
RATING; 18+
WARNINGS; swearing, a teeny tiny little tension but also, jk is being very sweet :(
a/n; part 3!!! i love doing this little series bc it's so easy to write when the chapters aren't so long <3 i hope all of you enjoy it too despite the fact that it's not a very long read! lmk what you think! ty for reading xx
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You didn’t text Jungkook back.
No matter how tempted you were when he tried to bribe you with iced americano – your favorite (which he remembered).
Instead you took it upon yourself and started working on the project without him. Your gut is telling you that he won’t be adding much to the group work nor will he invest the time and energy in it. There’s no reason to wait around for him to actually care about the project when you know that ‘caring’ isn’t one of his primary traits. It used to be but not anymore – if he still cared, he wouldn’t have abandoned your friendship the way he did.
Besides, it’s not like you mind. 
You’ll gladly put his name on the finished product if it means you’ll be rid of him and his flirty, cocky behavior. It’ll only make the process easier and you’ll be able to do it just the way you want. If anything, Jungkook should be grateful that you’re willing to do this on your own and just add his name. Normally you wouldn’t do something like this but you just can’t stand being stuck doing group work with him for three weeks.
Jihyo is right though – it is time to move past it but you can’t. Not yet.
You haven’t spoken to Jungkook in 5 years – that’s sixty months of spite and aggravation that has affected you way more than you would’ve liked. Like you said, you’re not one to hold grudges against people but this particular grudge has been sitting in the back of your mind for half a decade and while you’d love to be able to just let it go, you can’t.
You’re pulled from your thoughts when your phone buzzes due to an incoming text. You reach for it to take a look, your face instantly twisting in annoyance when you realize who’s texting you.
[11:07 AM] Jeon🤬👊🏼: whatcha doing? ;)
You swipe it, removing it from your lock screen before returning your focus to your laptop and the project at hand. You let out a soft sigh and rest your chin in your palm as you play around with the font of the text – Times New Roman suddenly has a whole other meaning after Jungkook’s name was written next to yours the other day.
"It’s good to know your phone works.”
“Oh my god!”
Startled by the low and deep voice right next to your ear, you jump in your seat and turn around with widened eyes. Dark brown eyes with a mischievous glint in them are staring back at you, an amused grin on pink lips as well. You take notice of the two iced americanos in his hand before you’re scowling at your former friend turned stranger.
“What are you doing here?”
“I��m here to do the project,” Jungkook tells you and holds up the beverages. “I brought drinks.”
“How did you know I was here?” You can’t help but ask, wondering how he managed to locate you. The library isn’t exactly one of the places on campus Jeon Jungkook frequents the most. You’d know since you spent a lot of time here. 
He shrugs, “I saw you when I walked by, went and got these,” he places the iced americanos onto the table, “and came back to join you.”
You gape at him for a moment as he pulls a chair out and takes a seat next to you, not a word of protest leaving you because you’re simply speechless once again. He actually got you iced americano and he genuinely wants to do the project. 
Something doesn’t seem right.
Jungkook glances at you with a smirk when he’s met by silence, “what? Surprised that I actually do my school work?”
You shake yourself off your speechlessness and shrug as nonchalantly as possible, “something like that.”
“I see you took a head start,” he nods to your laptop with a chuckle as he pulls his own out of his backpack. That fucking chunky, black backpack he’s had since high school. Back then you wondered what he carried around in it and every time you asked him, he would only shrug and grin. 
Teen boys and their mysterious behavior.
And just for a brief moment, you see your best friend from high school in front of you, sitting here next to you like back in the day – boyish grin and that same glint in his eye. He looks the same and it’s messing with your head because back then you were crushing hard on him. Jungkook has always dominated that casual, boyish charm and look and today is no different. He’s wearing an oversized white Nike t-shirt and black track pants from the same brand. There’s a yellow beanie on top of his head to tame his messy hair. For all you know, he could’ve gotten straight out of bed and gone to campus after throwing on the first outfit he could find – simple, casual, flattering.
The only difference is the two lip rings and the full sleeve of tattoos.
“Yeah, about that,” you start, shooting him a fake, over-friendly smile. “Don't worry about it – I’ll do the project and just add your name before handing it in.”
Jungkook blinks at you for a moment before recovering, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “why? You're scared I’ll fuck it up or some shit?”
You shake your head, “no, I just prefer working alone.”
“You always do projects with Jihyo though,” he points out, squinting his eyes at you.
“That’s different.”
“Is it? Or are you just saying that because I’m your partner?” He challenges.
How do you tell a guy who’s so used to getting his way and having people go out of their way to make sure he’s happy that you don’t want him as your project partner? That you’d rather do an important project that’s meant to be done in pairs by yourself and risk the possibility of getting stressed out just because you got paired up with him? 
“If I’m being honest, yes,” you tell him, not taking a moment to rethink your choice to confront him but just blurting it out instead. “I would rather work myself into the ground than do group work with you. So if you don’t mind…”
Jungkook cocks an eyebrow as you do a gesture with your hands as if to shoo him away. He looks rather unbothered though, not moving an inch either. He stares at you for a second and if you didn’t know any better, you would almost assume he’s silently challenging you to try again, to tell him off and ‘shoo’ him away like a fucking bird. 
You don’t.
You stare back at him, your face not showing an ounce of anything as you patiently wait for him to get up and leave.
He doesn’t.
Instead the corners of his mouth curls into a faint smirk as he reaches for one of the iced americanos and slides it towards you. He then grabs the other one and turns to his laptop, silently sipping on his beverage while getting to work on the project.
You feel your blood starting to boil a little but you don’t give him the satisfaction of a reaction. Instead, you pointedly snatch up the iced americano, once again turning your focus to the project at hand. You feel his eyes on you but you keep your eyes on your laptop screen, acting as if his presence isn’t affecting you or bothering you in any way.
You then give in and take a sip of the coffee.
Damn it… 
It’s a really good iced americano.
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blortch · 3 months ago
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You've probably answered a question like that before but what would you say was your favorite episode of each of the rlm "shows" (for lack of a better word) if you had to pick one from each? Interpret "favorite" however you want
I actually haven't gotten an ask of this sort before! The closest I can think of was when I ranked the Halloween BOTW sets. I know you prob meant like HITB, BOTW and Re:View but like I'm gonna go a bit more extensive and include other small series they have. I'm gonna leave out anything Spitballs bc idc and anything Plinkett-related bc in the 100 years I've been watching them I skimmed through like the first part of the phantom menace review and Nothing Else.
Going to start with Re:View bc it's fuckin' easy. It's Obviously the FWWM Re:View. It's what got me into Twin Peaks, and it means a lot to me. In hindsight Jay's kinda off with some of his takes (nothing Bad, just a different perspective as a massive Donnie Darko fan and projecting too much of that dynamic into the movie):
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BOTW-wise this might be a super normie pick but like it's a good BOTW for a reason. Best of the Worst: Wheel of the Worst #16. Jackpots guy followed by Surviving Edged Weapons was too great. You can kinda see that They themselves Knew this was going to be a BOTW Classic because when Mike tells Jay to talk about the tape he's Legitimately Nervous over Talking about it. ("Oh man...this is a lot of pressure...I don't know if I can do this..."):
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For HITB...I'm sorry but this one's going to be a complete cop-out, (but hey at least I didn't choose the Death Cure HITB...) it's Half in the Bag Episode 138: 2017 Movie Catch-up (part 2 of 2). When I think of what I want from them review-wise it's honestly like... pointed discussions about a movie or show and this delivers exactly that. Whenever they go a little too deep they often dig themselves into a grave of either caring about something too small and inane or something they think is funny but isn't at all (cough Mike's tangents cough) so honestly letting them talk for only a few minutes tops about a movie is the absolute sweet spot. The reviews where the entire discussion is good are rare imo:
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Of __ and __ Talk About I wanna say... probably Rich and Jay talk about the Boys? Just because it's the only show/movie I gave a fuck about among this series? I don't get what Rich sees in Garth Ennis' work specifically bc he's kind of a suckass but the show itself was interesting to find out more about regardless through them:
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Of Nerd Crew I have to go for The Nerd Crew: Episode 2, the bit with the nerd box+geek crate was fucking hilarious. Not to mention the ending where Rich knocks over the cameras... I imagine Mike prepared the Nerd Box and Jay the Geek Crate? Just because Mike seemed to comment a lot more on the nerd box' contents (Rich said too that the knock-off Rey figure inside it was his doing) and seemed bewildered by the geek crate while Jay laughed nervously at everything Rich took out of it. Jay's such an asshole for making poor Rich gag uncontrollably with those sliced up sausages if so 😭:
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ig by now they've put together enough Mini Docs to have a playlist for them so I'll pick one out of those too - I have to go for We Finally Watched Nukie: The VHS Grading Video just because the fact that it lead up for years from them collecting all those Nukies to joking about donating to charity in their trivia video, their tape destructions etc...And the entire video is just legitimately well-put together:
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Talking about Trivia...of those videos I like the first one (Star Trek Trivia Showdown: Mike vs Jay (Episode 1 of 2,873)) the best just because it tortured Jay specifically. That's it that's the entire reason I shan't pretend otherwise. He was flustered throughout its entirety and also seemed smitten by the suggestion in the patreon bts of it to be compensated with a Twin Peaks trivia after:
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From the Dudebros I have to go for Dudebros Episode 3 - The Dinner Surprise, ig out of all of them it was on the meatier (no pun intended) side (unlike Too Glose for Comfort) and the choices in this one are the most bizarre out of all I think...I'd like to have been a fly on the wall as they decided that Nate should cum in his pants over watching Tommy and Ronnie eat:
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I'm not gonna name a season from the Grabowskis I think it would be too cheap for me to not pick a specific episode so I'll go for the third season episode where Honey gets chosen as the Face of the company Wings and Things and Cliff thinks she's gonna leave him. The whole ep makes me think that they cared a lot about the show at some point, or at least enough to make a cute little pigeon trap prop:
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Out of their horrible, horrible 48 hour film projects (Das Foot, The Great Space Jam, the Western Ore Musical) I'm gonna have to go for The Western Ore Musical... just bc it was like... something as opposed to Nothing... Das Foot is very Jay I think and respectively The Great Space Jam is very Mike which makes them both super embarrassing and unwatchable:
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ty for the ask! t'was fun to put together B]
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chayscribbles · 1 year ago
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chayscribbles’ monthly writing update ☆ august/september 2023 double feature
☆ STATISTICS.
words written: 4273 in august; none in september BUT that's because i did a lot of revising
projects worked on: Gemini Heist in august; Andromeda Rogue in september, then procrastinated so hard i ended up writing a few paragraphs on Third, Secret Wip
proudest accomplishment: i compiled all my AR1 beta feedback without giving in to the urge to set the book on fire and also myself
books read: Network Effect (Murderbot Diaries #5) by Martha Wells
☆ GENERAL COMMENTS.
so basically i started off august decently solid, working on gemini heist while andromeda rogue was off being torn apart by the betas. (i'm joking. it didn't get torn apart. i think you guys were being way too nice actually.)
and then all kinds of shit hit the fan in my personal life all at once in mid-august. both good and bad. it was a lot.
anyways the first half of september was spent recovering from all that, BUT i took a week off work mid-september to catch my breath and also get back into writing, and it was really good for me.
on another note! i am very seriously considering making an etsy shop for some of my art, because as much as i loathe the thought of monetizing my hobbies, we are living in a cost of living crisis, and i don't wanna be in my ice water soup era forever, ha. anyways stay tuned. (and if you think it would be a good idea/you think yourself or others would be interested in buying things PLEASE LET ME KNOW. EXPLICITLY. because otherwise i will assume no one cares and the idea will fizzle out.)
more specific wip-related comments + featured excerpt below.
☆ COMMENTS: ANDROMEDA ROGUE (draft 2 editing)
i went through all the beta comments during my week off and while i am glad it doesn't look like i'll have to do any more BIG rewrites, editing sucks and i want to give up.
☆ COMMENTS: THE GEMINI HEIST (draft 0.5. okay fine it's draft 1 but i feel better about myself if i call it draft 0.5 okay)
honestly when i was working on this feels sooo long ago i don't even remember what there is to say?
i hit 20K at some point in august. i think.
OH YEAH i "finished" act 2/7. the quotation marks are because i absolutely did not finish it, i only finished writing all the main plot-relevant scenes and skipped anything else. which means there's like a whole chapter and a half that haven't actually been written bc they're probably gonna be exposition or character building stuff that i haven't figured out yet and i'm hoping will be easier once i know what actually happens in the rest of this story. (reminder that i am a plantser.)
anyways i suspect this wip will be going dormant again for a while as i focus on getting AR ready for publishing. (sidenote it's been over a year since i started the GH draft and i feel like i've done fuck all on it besides come up with useless lore and make extremely specific playlists. world's slowest writer. the playlists slap, though.)
☆ FEATURED EXCERPT.
uh have this random snippet of Euna about to pop off!
Somewhere far, far, away, Leo was shouting, “Just get your ass out of there, Li!” but her voice seemed muffled in Euna’s ears, blocked out by the rage that had been steadily mounting ever since that guard shot her arm and ruined the fight for her. All she could hear was the blood rushing through her own ears, the buzz of the guard’s electrified gauntlets, the crackle of the electricity in her own hand. She reared her good fist back and slammed it into the guard’s face. Their nose made a sickening crunch against Euna’s knuckles. Blood flowed down over their mouth and chin as they staggered back, but Euna wasn't done. Her right arm, still spouting sparks, swung into the side of their head, finally bringing them down. Before they could get up again, Euna dropped on top of them, pinning them to the ground with her knees on their chest. She grabbed their shoulders and yanked their upper body off the floor, preparing to slam them down one last time— Purple light surrounded her. For a frightening second, she couldn’t move. Then she was thrown off the guard and dragged, upside-down, through the air towards the exit.
☆ TAGLISTS. let me know if you want to be added/removed to any of them.
general taglist:
@nicola-writes @dgwriteblr @the-orangeauthor @onomatopiya @quilloftheclouds @ashen-crest @writeblrfantasy @celestepens @stardustspiral @pepperdee @extra-magichours @avi-why @lefttigerobservation @chazzawrites @bardolatrycore @innocentlymacabre
andromeda trilogy taglist:
@bebewrites @nicola-writes @dgwriteblr @the-orangeauthor @onomatopiya @akindofmagictoo @quilloftheclouds @nora-theteawriter @ashen-crest @corpsepng @writeblrfantasy @toboldlywrite @celestepens @stardustspiral @pepperdee @cheerfulmelancholies @extra-magichours @writeouswriter @cilly-the-writer @lefttigerobservation @rose-bookblood @drowsy-quill @chazzawrites @cynic-and-chief @enchanted-lightning-aes @aesa @outpost51
gemini heist taglist:
@florraisons @akindofmagictoo @cream-and-tea @nicola-writes @memento-morri-writes @antique-symbolism @rose-bookblood @afoolandathief @pepperdee @avi-why @zonnemaagd @chazzawrites @analogued @enchanted-lightning-aes @innocentlymacabre @kahvilahuhut @celestepens @cilly-the-writer @extra-magichours @onomatopiya @outpost51
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kimtaegis · 1 year ago
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i agree with that anon, ive been reading all ur asks bc i agree with some things and this feels like a safe place to accept it ♥lol, and yeah i always think "i dont have to love everything they do" we know even tho they work so good together as bts we know they have different styles and its their time to do whatever they want, personally i feel more connected with the rap line content, not that i didnt love the astrounaut or jimin's album, i was more nervous with taehyung because even if i think his music is so beautiful and i do like it a lot, its not exactly music i would normally listen to, my favorite is rainy days and i still hate the sound of the notifications in it lmao, but whatever... and just like jk, i liked seven a lot but i know a big part of it is that i loved the music video, it was fUN and at first i was like okay okay this song is so radio type, its viral music, and i enjoy it, lyrically i mean there is not so much depth, not that i need it but i know what it is about so i decide that i dont mind and still everytime its on the radio or comes in my playlist i have fun im dancing and singing and im like yeah bro go off!,
..now with 3d :) ... i normally listen to the new songs like once and i go to sleep, this one i had to listen more, i tRIED lol and i dont hate it at all, i do think its different and i WAS expecting something better, as well with the mv, not bc hes naked im gonna be like "oh great vid" LOL, and ive never heard jack before and... okay hi, but honestly the song just doesnt excite me, i love jk's voice i know how talented he is and he shines basically everywhere and im sure i will be singing and dancing whenever its played but thats because its catchy, i knew jk would do this music bc ive noticed what he likes and he says so himself, i know a lot of people throw shade bc hes working with these artists but i like to think he knows what hes doing - and if for some reason hes not satisfied or whatever he'll learn and theres that, hes smart , they all are, we cant know who makes ALL the decisions and if we could.. again, we dont have to love everything, of course were gonna question some of it if were not
also now that im rambling i did see people comparing with justin timberlake and i hate that i totally see it bc i hate him loool, im happy for nsync in general they are veeeeery talented, i just cant stand justin (admitting he is also very talented i loved seeing him as an actor too hes good) , but man ... u_u i see it, i do
anyway, thank you! u are nice, sometimes one can feel weird, it feels awkward wanting to support someone you care about and all but were doing our best and thats okay, we cant force ourselves to pretend something were not we dont have to ♥
im sorry if i dont make sense, there could be errors as im writing this when my bosses are right here lmaooo, ill go
HAVE A GREAT DAY !♥
hehe I’m glad you let it all out (I hope your bosses didn’t notice or mind!)! 🤍 I think you also once again emphasised one of the main points of last night’s whole conversation – that it’s absolutely fine to not like a new project of an artist you generally adore and that you’re very much allowed to express that. it’s not always black and white, you can still enjoy parts of it but not vibe to another, it’s okay. it’s really still a huge problem that many armies will make you think otherwise.
I enjoyed reading all your thoughts (had to giggle at the justin timberlake part 😭), thank you for coming here and talk! I hope you have a great day too, lovely 🤍
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ritzcuit · 7 months ago
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i always ask you about Datz so how about Daryan for that meme
YIPPEE
favorite thing about them
The he.,.,the all of it..the.. The pouty litttle face...the little mean baby face...his little cutie punk face he's like grrr im so scary my little frown...his latent delinquent energies even though they couldnt fully commit bc they had to at least pretend like he wasn't entirely a villain...but it's still there at the core of his character...the being a rhythm guitarist specifically it's like the ego of a guitarist but also an implied reliability he keeps the rhythm of the band he backs up klavier and helps him perform at his best (this is entirely a hallucination on my part)
least favorite thing about them
WHY IS HE A COP STOP BEING A COP!!!STOP BEING IN A POP BAND these are eqwually bad to me. quit your job join a cooler band
favorite line
unlike datz i guess i don't rly have a "favorite line" of daryans Even tho hes sooooo funny. but probably his "geeter's like a missing person, not lost 'n found, man." that line is SO cute to me. his geeter :( and the man. it has the same pouty vibe. HE'S SO CUTE!!!! oh wait but then there's "say 'hi' for me, ok? oh, and 'screw you'. and tell him i want into that crime scene!" i love his feisty little angry...it's so cute..im pinching his cheeks
brOTP
probably objectively klavdar goes here ... i just love Their Dynamic so much. they were friends objectively scientifically i shant let anyone forget it. klavier trusted that daryan...they were PARTNERS!!! OBJECTIVELY!!! even klavier is like.."its times like this when i start to miss daryan" when he's dealing with an Obstinate Detective like god i really wish we got to see them work together seriously besides the beginning of 4-3. like even when theyre bitching at each other they still work well together. Bc they r PARTNERS
OTP
if it's not klavdar then it has to be claydar ...my beloved pair the spares ship...i think it can be soooo cutie and add depth to both of their stories (insofar as clay has a story bc i know he's Literally Nothing) i just like them ok! i get embarrassed talking abt it specifically bc it's so Literally barely connected to canon in the slightest but that's why it's so fun...
nOTP
i saw daryan and kristoph the other day. Um
random headcanon
(coping)i think even if daryan wasn't able to get the cocoon to the chief justice (last i saw anyway) that all the news about the case caused a conversation + strings were pulled + the kid ended up getting his medication after all anyway...bc otherwise it would all have been in vain and the kid would LIKE DIE. Smiles. um other headcanon is him solo project under a new stage name after he gets out of jail...i just like to think about it......he could never quit music ok? and it has a more serious gothy heavy sound to it bc i hate pop music. I mean bc it fits emotionally or whatever.
unpopular opinion
HIS HAIR IS FINE LEAVE IT ALONE
song i associate with them
i have a whole playlist (linked in case anyone's curious smileys) but mostly it's twilight zone by golden earring, good good things by descendants, and kryptonite by 3 doors down ... none of those three are like, TOTALLY 100% daryan or anything it's just "i like this song and i think about him when i hear them" lmfao
favorite picture of them
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CUTIE POUTIE FROWNIE SCOWLY FACE FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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ashmp3 · 1 year ago
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okay re: ur vocal note/rant bc ofc i listened i have issues yeah omg i put it on in the background like a little podcast
and like i am sooo with you on this 😵‍💫 like its so unfair abt how a girl will take out her insecurity and anger at a guy and put it onto ANOTHER girl instead of the guy!!!! like be mad at him like it just sounds so 16th century witchhunt that apparently the guy isn't responsible for who he wants to sit and talk to and rather theyre mad that another woman is trying to charm and bewitch him like boohoo sorry u only see other women as competition and also u sound like a better person than me bc best believe if i was friends w a girl and she acted like that i would be playing breakup playlists and sulking and ripping my hair out and writing w a glitter red gel pen abt all the curses that i want to befall her bc there is nothing worse than being a girls' girl and then being hated by other girls!!!!!!!!! (esp bc of a man) feels like hell is a pit in ur stomach!!!!!!!!
and to insert myself omg i graduated hs a year and a half ago now but even from then until now ive had the same friend group which is a group of guys and for no other reason than that i genuinely like them and theyre like a group of brothers to me and we vibe but the hatred from other girls is literally heartbreaking 😭 bc every so often i would hear in high school abt 'oh xyz from this group of girls called u a pick me and talked abt u and said u want male attention' which is a batshit crazy take bc everyone knows that i preferred women anyway like wdym im not gonna date any of those guys in my group we are friends...just friends....and once in y10 this guy was obsessed w me and he was like a millionaires son and popular and i was shy and kinda intrigued so i dated him for a little while but 16 year old me would hear comments 24/7 in the hallways abt how i was some slut for doing it (it being dating him) which is crazyyyy bc every single one of these comments came from girls (and girls who i knew liked this guy)
so like omg yes to agree w u on everything nothing is more infuriating and annoying as hell when like girls forgo ur friendship and ur good intentions and just the overall sisterhood vibe bc theyre mad some guy is into u...like even if ur not into him back 😭 sorry for the long ass ask
call her daddy count your days call her ashmp3 is coming to take over ur little podcast…
i KNOWWW but genuinely she doesn’t have any reason to be mad at either of us? like he sat next to you because you dragged him there and then all you did was bat your eyelashes and giggle and i know she’s shocked that this didn’t work because she is really so pretty and men kneel down just to talk to her. And i am sure the guy doesn’t even like me i think I was intriguing to him and we hit it off well so of course it might look like that. also she knows i don’t even want him she KNOWS who i got my eyes on so i was just so shocked at her behavior.
also the whole thing about breakup playlists and red glitter pen i love you you are so funny and expressive i giggled… And yeah i don’t do that i’m like oh well moving on. I don’t like dwelling on things, and i don’t get sad i get mad. Mad because as you said, being a girls girl and then it flipping on you is just aggravating.
PEOPLE DO THAT ALL THE TIMEEEE like why is it so hard to believe that you see them as friends and they see you as a PERSON that’s their FRIEND no i’m telling you it’s girls that see attention from a guy as a confidence boost or confirmation that they are worth something which is all fucked up and not normal way to think about yourself… But i think the deep insecurities just come from the place of wanting to be accepted. And they can’t understand that you hanging out with your friends doesn’t mean anything more because they themselves couldn’t do it aka they would try and flirt… So u get hated on bc they project themselves and think what they would do. FUCKED UP!
i had that happen with another cancer guy and in hs and still now i don’t have instagram facebook nothing i am a monk in a body of a baddie. But i remember my friend showing me profile of random girl and saying “she hates you and talks shit about you bc of cancer guy” like you don’t KNOW ME. Hate HIM lmfaoosjdjsjs i mean don’t hate anyone… Crazy
and 🫂🫂🫂 long asks are always welcome and thank you for listening to my rant and i am sorry you went through things like this bc it’s truly heartbreaking being reduced to a “pick me” just because you don’t act shy around just some guys.
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sangyeonsofthours · 3 years ago
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COLLEGE STUDENT!SANGYEON
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pairing: sangyeon x female reader warnings: this is just some dumb to lovers really.... and an attempt at comedy i guess... wc:  4.9k n/a: bullet points into the life of college student sangyeon! hope you enjoy it  ♡  plus, it’s barelly proof read so… will you forgive me for any mistakes? thank you (♡゚▽゚♡) now lets gooooo
so, our boy here is majoring in music at korea national university of arts
and he’s part of the dance club, after all the boy’s got talent (pun intended)
sangyeon is just that kind of laid back guy, who's super chill and has everyone wrapped around his little finger, really
he’s clever and responsible, always ready to help anyone who's in need, super good at leading
he's always the one with all the good ideas and also the one who's pretty good to put said ideas into work
oh, and he's absurdly handsome, has the most cute eye smile and is adorably clumsy (which adds soooo many points to his attractiveness)
he’s also known around the campus as a great music producer and songwriter
and he sings (like an angel, i might say) so he loves recording covers
and even some really good original tracks of his own
also he likes to play basketball in his free time
and to add to this enormous pile of the absolutely dreamy man he is
he has his own radio show
it's a calm show that he hosts at soft early hours of the dawn
it’s called sangsang night and he hosts it at thursday nights 
how did he manage to have his own radio? well since everyone loves him and he’s just a whole model of student of course the council gave him permission to use one of their empty rooms at the university's radio and tv building
they even offered some help with the equipment but most of it was paid by sangyeon himself (did I mention he works at a record store?)
sangsang night is like his relaxing time
it's when he's going to free his mind from his worries and play soft meaningful playlists he created 
he likes sharing songs with people, absolutely loves to talk about it too
always makes sure to read the messages his listeners leave for him and likes to have this super sweet period of his broadcast in which he'll give advices to the listeners who calls him
all that makes him kinda popular around the campus, you know? people know about him and both girls and boys have a crush on him
but he’s a shy guy when it comes to dating and hitting on people
so that's why you barely see him with someone that aren't his guy friends
(and also bc the boy barely has the time to get himself a girlfriend let's be honest, who tf manages to do so much stuff AND has a girlfriend?????) 
but let’s get to the day you and our musician prince crossed paths
so you’re new in college, you just got transferred from some art school
and despite the fact you're majoring in film, tv & multimedia, you share your history of art classes with kevin (the cute canadian guy from visual arts)
you soon click with him, pairing up to work on some projects
that’s how you end up visiting kevin’s dorm planning to get ahead with your assignments
it's all okay while you both are sat down on his living room floor, some books scattered around you and a soft playlist playing in the background
you were told previously that he had two roommates, but it wouldn't be a problem since they're chill so working at his dorm would be okay
but it's exactly when you drag your gaze from the sheets you've been scribbling on that you see him
i mean, you see sangyeon
and your tired brain makes you babble out the most stupid thing you could say in a moment like this
‘oh my god kevin i think i'm seeing an angel’
well we all can agree that a semi naked sangyeon with only a towel around his waist, wet hair and some droplets of water still gracing his overly worked abs may look like (a kinda twisted up definition, i might add, of) an angel
but you could've held that thought to yourself, right? 
you’re sure you could
but you didn’t
and kevin snorted so hard he swears he felt his nasal cavities move out of place
and poor sangyeon blushes so hard
he just wanted to get something from the fridge before getting back to his room
but kevin didn't say anything about having someone over and that's why he's standing at the corner of the hallway where it meets the living room
half naked and feeling like if a hole swallowed him he wouldn't mind it at all
and before the weight of your stupidity can fall over your shoulders sangyeon burst in a serie of apologies bowing many times before leaving to hide in his room
that’s how your first eventiful meeting went
pretty awkward right?
after that you tried your hardest to avoid going to kevin’s dorm, too afraid to meet sangyeon again
what if he thought you were a perve? or worse!!!! what if he hated you? after all you were some weirdo who basically lusted after his almost naked self at his own home
but kevin always said it was okay, that sangyeon was too nice to hold a grudge against you bc of something so dumb and (in his personally opinion) funny
but the thing is
as the time passed, even with all the avoiding thing going on from your part
you couldn’t help but… feel something about sangyeon
i mean, it was already mentioned that everyone would have a crush on him
of course it was just about time for you to fall in the trap of lee sangyeon
and like some kind of secret admirer you’d admire him from afar, listen religiously to sangsang night, but still avoid the hell out of him in any other situation
for god’s sake you’d stalk his instagram profile without even following it
pathetic
all that behind kevin’s back, of course
you’re sure he’d do something dumb if he knew about your slight crush on mr. perfect
not out of evil, but out of KINDNESS to be honest
kevin could sound too much like a jokester every time he had the chance, but he was a sweetheart
so he'd never let you pin after his friend without trying to help you actually to get to said friend
so that’s why you keep your crush as a top fbi secret
and it goes like this
until an eventful afternoon comes to you like… like an unruly horse… and it kind of runs you over
there’s this huge special extracurricular thing going on in your campus 
like, it’s a fair, there's workshops, conferences, special lectures, for every nerd who really likes it or for the desperate students who really need a push up into their extracurricular activities (since it’s almost the end of the semester and summer is right around the corner)
you’re on the nerd side
so is sangyeon, of course
AND
there’s this soundtrack workshop that you’re super excited to attend since it’s not just going to add extracurricular points to your grades
but because the work you’ll be making is going to feature a REAL short film
like this short film will be featured in movie theaters around the country!!!
and so you are basically bouncing up and down all the way to the building where the said workshop is
and it’s all going super smoothly… normal even (important topic: things going normal around you is pretty atypical since you’re always making a fool of yourself)
you just arrived the conference room for the first meeting of the workshop
and fortunately it's not so full of people, there's around 20 chairs around the room and still there’s some empty, waiting to be taken
and you’re just sitting there, quiet, waiting for it to start, enjoying the soft buzz of people making small conversation and the view of the few people that are still arriving the room
and that’s it
that’s when sangyeon enters the room in all his freaking glory
he looks so good!!!!
he just got a new haircut and he looks fresh and READY FOR SUMMERTIME
ITS SOOOOOOO YUMMY YUMMY (ok i'm losing my shit thinking about short haired sangyeon from thrill ride era)
and he’s wearing a white shirt, light blue jeans and black converse while holding onto his backpack and that famous college jacket from the basketball team
it couldn’t be more cliche
but still
he’s like the troy bolton from east high (like, he's perfect even when doing nothing extraordinary)
and you just don’t know what to do
i mean
wtf does that mean that you're bound to spend the next 4 hours with him
not literally with him bc there’s other people with you but
you’d be in his presence and WE ALL KNOW THAT YOU’VE BEEN DREADING IT SINCE THE INCIDENT™
and in a second you’re looking around thinking about ways to LEAVE the room as soon as possible without being noticed
but it seems like your body is working in a slow motion mode and your legs just won't MOVE
and when you least expect sangyeon is right by your side
he casually drops his bag on the floor and sits right. by. your. side.
“hey” he greets you with a bright smile
 and you just don’t understand how can he be so unbothered by you
“you’re kevin's friend, y/n, right?” he asks
and not a single word can leave your mouth bc you feel like FREAKING CHOKING
so you just nod your head like those weird dog ornaments that bob their head when you tap them
“it’s nice to see you again” he says and the smile never leaves his pretty full lips
you want a hole to swallow you right now HE’S TALKING TO YOU SO CASUALLY
but there’s is a buzz on your ear and you can feel your cheeks burning in embarrassment
you’re probably looking like a tomato
or like you’re about to THROW UP or maybe even PASS OUT
(neither one is good btw)
but you’re saved by the bell, when the head of the workshop start talking, gathering your attention
she’s giving some orientations but you can’t really get your mind to focus on her voice
how could sangyeon act so unfazed????
maybe kevin was right!!!! sangyeon doesn’t really care about the incident™
so you take a deep breath and try your best to listen to your leader who’s now saying she’ll divide the group so you all can work on pairs
and not just that
she has already chosen the pairs based on the previous subscription you guys made for the workshop
and even tho some butterflies dare to dance around on your stomach and something inside you wishes you’re paired up with sangyeon
your wise side tell yourself you shouldn't wish for that bc right now you have a real great chance to make a fool of yourself in front of him
A G A I N
but we all know that this story is going downhill wildly right into cliches right?
so of course you were paired up with sangyeon
well sangyeon is a music major while you’re a film, tv & multimedia major
and both of you have great grades and extracurricular credits
you’re like the best duo in the room
and sangyeon seem to be happy about being paired up with you bc he just whispered a small “yay” while giving you that beautiful smile where his eyes almost disappear forming two half moons in his face
he’s fucking adorable
your chest HURTS you want to pounce on him 
the head leader of the movie is walking around the room giving everyone their assignments while you just wait for your turn to receive your instructions
so something in you mind snaps
if sangyeon is okay with being around you, you can’t make the situation awkward
so you smile back at him and he seems very satisfied to see that you're okay with his presence too
the few hours you spent together went as smooth as it could go
you and sangyeon didn’t talk much about things other than what concerned to the work you should do
but by the time you arrived your dorm you accepted you should be true to yourself
and admit (on your own head) that you’d be lying if you said you weren't super happy for what just happened and were just as excited for the next day
(oh did i mention it was a three day duration workshop? well… now i did teeheee)
you already thought sangyen looked like the epitome of beauty when he arrived that room in a plain white t shirt and ordinary jeans
but the next day when you arrive the studio you’d be both working on together
you almost excuse yourself so you can go hyperventilate on the hallway
(ok y/n you need to stop being so exasperated about sangyeon GIRL GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER PLS)
he’s wearing a light blue button down shirt and specs AND HE’S ETHEREAL
“oh, hello, y/n” he smiles at you, getting up from the chair he was sitting
“h-hey” YOU’RE STUTTERING WTF
sangyeon gives you the heads up to what you should be doing by this second day of the workshop, since the head leader had showed up by earlier to give the him instructions
you notice that sangyeon’s easy and carefree manners make you feel really comfortable around him
and you enjoy everything about it
his sweet voice and musk perfume are super enjoyable
and he does really takes your ideas and abilities into consideration
his knowledge complements yours and if you’re right, by the end of this workshop, your work together will be BRILLIANT
and you don’t know that BUT
sangyeon kind of has a crush on you too 
he’s too dumb to notice that you have the fattest crush on him, so he thinks that your weird mannerism is out of embarassement bc of the incident™
and he thinks it’s adorable bc he doesn’t even care about that anymore, really
he just treats you well and try to be the gentleman we all know he already is
so you just enjoy eachothers company bc you have only this afternoon to do it
since the next (and last) day of workshop will be the short movie premiere
even tho you’re kinda sad it’s going to end soon you’re happier that you had the chance to spend such a nice time with sangyeon
sooooooooooooooo
the next day the premiere is incredible
the team made an incredible job at cutting and editing the scenes and audios for de short movie
and after the premiere everyone is so happy so the lead header and the director and some part of the cast invite all of you to go out to eat something
and of course you won’t let the opportunity to be with sangyeon just a little more just pass
both of you jump at the chance tbh
and you make sure to sit side by side by the table of this really nice place where the team decide to go
and even tho everyone is talking excitedly
it seems like you and sangyeon are on your own little world
everyone can see that
(i can even hear our fellow Greg Wuliger’s voice saying “Dude, you are so in there!”)
and when people start to leave, you and Sangyeon can’t help but feel some kind of awkward flusteredness
neither of you want to leave bc it means that it is really the end of your time together
you are too dumb, you know?
you could just ask for a phone number…….. maybe ask one another on a D A T E
but all you manage to do is bow and mumble a ‘see you around’
such a boner killer moment wtf
and tbh neither you or sangyeon can stop thinking about the other for the rest of the weekend
or the next week
and kevin can feel that there’s something happening to you when all you can do when you’re around him is sigh and look into distance with the look of a lost puppy on your eyes
and for the first time you open up to him about your crush on sangyeon and about the workshop and the good time you had with his friend
and this noisy bitch just yells a I FUCKING KNEW IT right in the middle of the library
and you’re like ?????
and he tells you that sangyeon told him that you were working together in the short movie, but he choose to be silent about it, bc he knew you were too sensitive about the incident™ 
and he also didn’t feel like intruding on your business, since you and sangyeon finally were having a moment…
but he didnt think you’d be dumb enough to leave your short interaction to DIE at the END OF THE WORKSHOP
he SIGHS
KEVIN SIGHS RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU BC HE’S TIRED REALLY
why are you like this?????
but he can also see you’re really sad rn 
so he take matters into his hand and that night he strikes a conversation with his roomate when they’re having lunch together 
“sooooo… hyung…. what about y/n?”
“what about her, kevin?” and sangyeon seems curious about the question
and kevin just shrugged off, telling that he had a conversation with you about the movie of the workshop and suddenly remembered they worked together at it
and for a second sangyeon seems really disappointed
AND KEVIN JUST TAKE THE HINT YOU KNOW
HE SEES IT
HE HAS THE CLEAR VISION OF HOW MUCH HIS FRIENDS ARE DUMBASSES
it’s clear that sangyeon likes you too (or at least has an interest into you)
he doesn’t really understand why for god's sake you both just didn’t trade numbers just to text each other or even asked one another on a date
but he knows that sangyeon’s kind of a fool when it comes to it
and you’re stupid
so
he has an idea
“hyung, do you think it would be okay if we threw a party to celebrate the end of the semester?”
“hm, i'm not against it tbh”
“ok nice, what about next friday night? i think everyone's finals ends like tomorrow”
“right! who are you inviting?”
“well, the boys, some people from my classes… you can invite whoever you want, right? i'll talk to Jacob later”
“ok then”
and it’s cliche
again
kevin’s plan consist into putting you, sangyeon and a bit of alcohol into the same room
and he’s sure you’ll end up confessing (or the other way around
but sangyeon doesn’t drink too much and he can handle it pretty well
so he’ll count on your part
AND FRIDAY NIGHT COMES RUNNING AROUND THE CORNER AND YOU’RE DYING FOR IT BC IT’S THE FIRST TIME YOU’LL BE SEEING SANGYEON IN TWO WEEKS SINCE THE LAST DAY OF THE WORKSHOP
so you want to look REEEAALLY pretty, but you don’t wanna look like you’re trying too hard, you know?
just in case he doesn’t like you back… you want to spare yourself the SHAME…
so you go for some high waist black skinny jeans, a cute crop top and nice sneakers
the makeup is light, just to highlight your features. but you take extra care to the lip gloss
you want to make your lips look kissable aghjqweçqwelks
and there you go
when you arrive at the boys appartement you take a deep breath before ringing the bell
and you’re greeted by jacob and a slightly too drunk changmin (who’s attached to a weird chucky doll)
you’ve met some of kevin’s friends before, so the two of them are no strangers to you
you greet them with a smile and lean closer to ask for kevin
the music playing is loud enough to make you need to be closer to them to communicate
jacob nods to the kitchen direction and you just go
and you meet your friend, who’s not drunk, but is already too excited for someone who's totally sober
you stay around, sipping from some sweet drinks kevin and other two boys (chanhee and younghoon, you learned) prepared for you
it’s all fun and games and for some time you even forgot that sangyeon was probably at this party too 
kevin, on the other hand, keeps an eye around, ready to strike some moves just to try and make you and sangyeon interact…
well, at least for the first half hour
later he gets too cheerful and crazy, so he leaves you to go to the dance floor (actually their living room where the couch is put away and you can’t see the coffee table anywhere near)
and you’re okay with that really
you’ll just stay here chilling and enjoying the view
but when you finally land your eyes on sangyeon, something churns inside you
there’s a huge grin on his face while he talks to some girls
he’s talking, gesticulating with his hands, his eyebrows are raised and there’s a smile on his lips
and he’s having fun while telling whatever story he’s saying
gosh he looks so good wearing all black and a fucking LEATHER JACKET!!!
that should be illegal to look so good 
that genre of sangyeon should be illegal
sangyeon himself should be illegal tbh
the girls around him burst in a fit of giggles
the blond one who’s right beside him is touching his arms
batting her long eyelashes at him, tucking her pretty luscious hair behind her ear…… she’s shameless flirting!!!!
and you’re like 🚩🚩🚩🚩 oh 🚩🚩🚩🚩
you have no right to feel jealous about him, y/n, so stop right there
no hating on other girls for doing what you do not have the courage to do
you try giving yourself a pep talk
but you do feel a bit disappointed
even if it is crystal clear that sangyeon is THE CAMPUS OFFICIAL CRUSH
so you just take a deep breath and try and hold the ugly feelings to yourself
you shouldn’t let something like this just screw up your night
you came to have a good time!!! come on, it’s the first friday night of summer break! you aced on your finals!
it’s time to celebrate, not to cry over a boy you just have a tiny crush on
so you stay around the kitchen, preparing some weird drinks with a boy named juyeon
and after two younger boys (our dear sunric!!!!!) approached you, the four of you started some questionable drinking games
where you had to guess things about each other, if you guess wrong, you should take a shot
you’re not sure if you’re drunk by the time, but everytime sunwoo and eric called you NOONA (you don’t even know where this kind of treatment came from, you just got to meet them) you found it really freaking cute
time goes by quickly and you guys are immersed on your little game
but as soon as you notice your tipsiness is getting out of hand, you oblige yourself and the three boys in front of you to stop drinking
and a few minutes later you already feel better, just drinking only some apple juice
yes, apple juice… and it tastes disgusting, you just can’t stop staring at it on the cup thinking there’s going to pop out some weird alien from it at any second
when suddenly
“oh, hey there” at the sound of the familiar voice, you can’t help but look up with an oversized smile
you swear you see some weird motion by your side, as if eric was going to pounce on sangyeon, but juyeon and sunwoo kinda held him back
(later that night you got to know that he was really going to jump on sangyeon cause he wanted to hug and shower his hyung with love, but the other two FELT in the air that there was some unfinished business between you and sangyeon soooooo)
“don’t you guys wanna dance? let 's go dancing! bye y/n, bye hyung” juyeon says while dragging eric with him
“it was nice playing with you, noona” sunwoo speeds off the kitchen with an exasperated wave
“right, see you later” you say
and sangyeon giggles at the situation, before getting closer to you
“so you’ve been here for a while?” sangyeon asks
“oh, yes, for a bit, probably” you don’t know how to answer tbh cause you know your drunk blushy cheeks reveal everything even tho where you’re standing the light is slight dim
out there the music is still blasting and you’re feeling hot in anticipation cause sangyeon is looking at you so intensely
“it’s nice seeing you again, y/n”
you stare at sangyeon and he seems so sincere…
“i’m glad to see you too, yeon” you manage to confess
and you don’t know if it’s the alcohol or just some rush of adrenalin, but the only thing running through your mind the entire night is how attractive sangyeon looks
and in his presence seems to be so much stronger bc you can smell his perfume
IT’S INSANE HOW YOUR MIND IS SPINNING JUST BC OF A GUY
(oh but he’s THE guy, so we understand you, y/n, don't worry)
and you can’t stop yourself from staring
you look into sangyeon’s eyes, and his strong cheekbones, his tall nose AND HIS FULL LIPS THAT LOOK SO SO SO BEAUTIFUL AND SO KISSABLE
you're going to die here i’m being serious
but your mind is such a trap
and out of nowhere flashes of that pretty girl who was flirting with him earlier comes to your mind
and your smile falter in your face
now your mind is so full of doubts and insecurity
“Y/N?” he says your name and something snaps inside you
im telling you, no one knows what was it that spurred you into some action
(it was the alcohol lmao)
but before you can second guess yourself, your hands are already cupping sangyeon’s face, putting him down to your height, to press your lips firmly against his
YOU GO GIRRRLLLLLLL GET YOUR MAN!!!!!!!!!!!
you don’t even know what you meant for that to be
just a peck?
you Do nOt kNoW
neither do i
but you’re so MAD RIGHT NOW
you can’t focus in other thing than how much you WANT SANGYEON
YOU WANT HIM TO TAKE YOU ON DATES
AND YOU WANT TO KISS HIM
YOU WANT TO SPEND AFTERNOONS WITH HIM AGAIN
AND YOU WANT HIM TO BE AWAY FROM PRETTY BLOND GIRLS BC THE ONLY GIRL YOU WANT HIM TO THINK ABOUT IS YOOOOUUUU
(omg that was cheesy im painfully sorry)
but his breath is hot against your lips
he smells like some boyish musk perfume and tastes like mango flavored vodka
even tho you just caught him on surprise, sangyeon do not waste a second and kiss you back
both of you end up throwing all caution through the window (i mean, for a couple of idiots who were stepping on eggs around each other,,,,, a kiss on a party on a kitchen with other people around is kinda BOLD)
you’re freaking kissing sangyeon
(in my mind right now there’s an audience screaming and cheering up for this scene)
you’re really kissing him the way you’ve dreamt so many times for the past months
it’s kinda sloppy, it’s not thaaat great because LET’S BE HONEST you are both drunk
but you try your best to make it special
so you curl your hands around the nape of his neck and lace your fingers through his soft hair
and sangyeon’s hands go straight to your waist 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️
he grips tightly at your skin and pulls you closer while he himself is melting against you
TF BRO AN HOUR AGO YOU WERE HOLDING YOURSELF FROM CRYING CAUSE YOU SAW A GIRL FLIRTING WITH HIM AND NOW YOU’RE MAKING OUT WITH HIM IN HIS KITCHEN
you’re completely absorbed on eachother
AND KEVIN IS LAUGHING MALEFICLY AT THE CORNER OF THE PARTY BC HIS PLAN WORKED OUT 
when you break the kiss, your hands stay wrapped around his neck and his hands stay firmly on your waist
you’re both out of breath and your foreheads are pressed together
and there’s this dumb little grin plastered across your face even tho YOU DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO NOW
WHAT DO YOU DO NOW?
but before you can let the panic control you
one of sangyeon’s hands comes up to touch your face softly
he kinda needed a moment to think too, you know?
and when your eyes meet his, you see adoration in it
“would you like to go out sometime?” he whispers
o mG F I N A L L Y HE ASKED YOU OUT (it’s easier now, right, you just did the hard part of KISSING HIM FIRST but okay we’ll let that slide bc he’s cute when he’s shy)
and you answer with an “of course”
and that’s how you both just turned into the “It Couple” of the campus
even tho some girls (and guys too humpf) get really jealous of you
sangyeon only has eyes for you
and he even dedicate some of his playlist at sangsang night just for you
and even tho some people think that being taken would make sangyeon less popular
it didn’t!!!!
it just made him a lot wiser about relationships
and now he offered some advices about dating and this kind of sentimental stuff
oh, and you’re always at sangyeon’s apartment now 
and kevin is really happy bc you’re good company to have around
its all really cute bro
-
n/a: would you guys like it if i did part 2? i was thinking about making something more focused on radio dj!sangyeon… feel free to hit my askbox if you wanna say something, alright? thanks for reading until here ♡
149 notes · View notes
ryoskuna · 4 years ago
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⭑ shaken, not stirred. | bartender!sukuna au.
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notes: this thought of bartender!sukuna has been in my head for weeks, but it’s when my mom was giving me a lecture while i was thinking of sketching him as bartender that solidified the fact.  this may become a series thing, and you’re also welcomed to ask questions about this au (please do, it is one of my new favorite things). also i have no idea what reader will be in this au-verse, but i’m thinking a law student (am i self-projecting... perhaps), but i’m open to y’all’s suggestions and can do headcanons for whatever kind of reader y’all want to see. additionally, did i screenshot that picture for the banner from episode 14 bc i thought he looked extra good?? yeah... i did.
warnings: like... mild nsfw via music suggestions, mentions of drink tampering but not from sukuna 
bonus: there’s a playlist that goes with this, here.
taglist: @lethargicyashi, @night-rook, @izuniias, @skys-luce-stellare​, @skys-luce-stellare​
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there’s something about 6′4 sukuna shaking a cocktail shaker to toxic by britney spears that just.... chef’s kiss.  no i will not elaborate, just think about it.
sometimes, you think he’s taller than 6′4, but that’s just his platform doc martens.
god, the man chewing on a thin stirring/cocktail straw or just holding it in his jaw, in between his teeth and watch his lips purse around it. he’ll take it out to talk, of course.
the waist apron he wears only emphasizes his shoulder-to-hip ratio
the best seat in the house is literally anywhere you can see him??? like behind him, you can see his back muscles flex, but in the front, you can see his tattoos on his chest peeking out from the fact that he is not going to ever button the top two buttons on his shirt. also, he leaves his sleeves pushed up to his elbows on most nights
tongue piercing, check. both of his ears are pierced, but he tends to change up whether he has just one in or both. 
you find out about the tongue piercing when he does his taste-testing of the drinks he mixes, via the straw drop (take a black plastic straw, dips the straw into the glass, covers the unsubmerged straw end with his index finger to create suction, lifts the straw to his lips, releases his index finger, and "tastes" the cocktail). usually he’ll put the straw in his mouth, but if he notices you’re watching, well, there goes the tongue piercing.
he wears rings, constantly. at least two, one on each hand.
he is a megan the stallion fan (and nicki minaj too, but i digress) and knows most of the words to her songs. his personal favorite is crybaby, and you being his s/o, well, he’ll sing it word for word to you while making drinks at home. he leans in and whispers the real intense/filthy parts like (”uh-uh, don’t fuck me like that fuck me like this”) yeah. he looks like he’s talking normal, but the way his voice drops more and he whispers??? goodbye world. 
sometimes he likes to tease too much while he’s singing and will lean in to lick the shell of your ear or maybe nip your earlobe, who knows
and then he’ll pass your drink like nothing ever happened
also has doja cat on his playlist, but yuji is to blame for that
cherry knot tying king
casual friday for the staff at said bar/establishment, and he’s coming in jeans and a loose tank top, you know, the ones with the drops on the sleeves on the sides??
sukuna is extremely aware of what’s happening in the room at all times. some creep hitting on someone? intervene.  someone trying to spike a drink?? he catches them in the act.  someone spiked a drink???? he just looks at the recipient, tells them to switch with him, and before they can say anything, they have a new, safe drink while he has the tampered one. 
does he grab offenders whether they’re being following creeps, coming on too strong, or trying to tamper with drinks by the scruff of their necks and carry them out personally? yes, yes he does. if you’re there, he’ll wink at you before he gives him a kick on the ass for good measure as he pushes them out the door.
he makes custom drinks for people, like he’ll ask what’s your preference in taste like sweet, strong or whatever, plus two other questions that seem unrelated but he’s managed to make the perfect drink for you 
again, he’s highly aware of his surroundings, so if you’re looking at his back, he knows, and will look over his shoulder to smirk at you, looking you right in the eyes.  (SHEESH)
thinking of him coming in on one of his days off with a ballcap and a tight, dry fit t-shirt on, so by the time he’s working, his hair is a lil messy, and you better thank heaven for that dry fit t-shirt because MUSCLES BABE
is working on his own lil drink recipe book, which means you either get to be his taste tester, or taste it when he kisses you 
this man knows he’s hot, he’s a smug shit about it, and works it to his favor. does he tie cherry knots at work because the women at the bar go crazy and give him extra tips?? yes
but if you’re there, oh sweetheart, he’s actually going to give you the cherry before putting the knot in his mouth to tie, BYE 
also.... hehe, had to mention this but uh... you could bounce a quarter off that ass of his 
he comes home from a late/graveyard shift, and just crawls into bed, smelling like syrup and cologne, just... run your fingers through his hair and he’ll be out in a few minutes
occasionally, he will sleep on the couch as not to disturb you, but the man really is too big to be sleeping on a couch.
if his shift starts at 6, he comes in at 5, hair a little damp from the shower he just took, and in a clean dry fit shirt and tight slacks or dark colored jeans. he’ll either work in the dry fit shirt, or he has a button up he can change into in the back
also??? really decent and will help you get stains out of your clothes if it’s something he can swing to clean in the sink like a shirt
otherwise, he’ll write what you need on a napkin and pass it to you
fucking hates white claws with a passion, ngl
during particularly slow moments at work, you might be able to catch him plucking a few cords on the guitar that sits on stage or poking around with the piano (look, i think he’s very capable of playing instruments and his fingers are good for it)
painted nails!! they’re usually a dark purple or black, occasionally a dark red. sometimes they’re clear, but he’s gotten the idea from when he supposedly was in his emo phase (and learned to keep something on them from breaking from his younger brother’s friend nobara)
likes to dance with you to the songs on his playlist in his minimalistic kitchen in between cooking or making drinks 
at least once a month, you can catch him in a necklace
during the winter months, tight turtlenecks or ribbed long sleeved shirts are his best friends
he also drives a very nice and sleek black car (i’d imagine it’s like a black audi TT or an audi R8) that sits in the back of the parking lot and has a habit of turning his keys on his index finger as he walks towards the building/into work.
bartending might have started as a part time job when he was in college, but it’s something he’s just kept up over the years 
man fills up a lot of space and knows it, even when he’s leaning on his back countertop during breaks or on the bar to take orders with his arms folded over his chest
ANYWAYS. be nice to your local bartender because he can bite. take that as you will.
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beann-e · 4 years ago
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hi I was on u-tube and saw a bakugou playlist for when he can’t sleep and I thought well , since I just hit 200 followers ( tysm;3 I love everyone who even took the time out of their day to press follow ) why not bring them this idea of y/n not being able to sleep & bakubabe lending his beautifully different services
also abt the sero line I have in here— I personally think it’d be cool if he just learned Spanish because, he has an interest in other cultures and languages but I don’t really see him being actually hispanic
also I really like writing baku bc he’s so rough with everything he says & I kin him so he’s the easiest so, I hope no one thinks I write him too much
Reader with bad mental health & bakugou lends a hand in his own way
No one cares and no one ever asks. Or at least that’s how you felt while standing here in your last period class your hands balled up in fist tightly held at your chest
Your head was pounding and body was aching you couldn’t describe why you were feeling so horrible all of a sudden but
you just were
maybe it was from all the nights you couldn’t fall aleep due to overthinking
maybe it was the way you got stuck on your phone or even your head dropped low eyes trailing over words in a book just trying to find something to take your mind off the fact that you were struggling
whatever the case was
right now in this last period class this wasn’t helping
“ look shitty woman “ you heard the boy huff “ I want to get a good score on this paired project and right now your fucking this up for me “
his anger was visibly present even if his voice was low to where only you could hear the annoyance that sat in it had everyone looking around for the culprit of the sudden change in the air
“ and I don’t like fuckups so get whatever you have going on together and let’s do this —ok? “
you shook your head and let out a soft ‘ok ‘
the fight ending quickly with bakugou staring down on you his hands on his knees face made up in anger “ you keep finding a way to fuck with me “
“ I didn’t even do anything to you “ your voice was soft and tired
his eyes squinting before sighing
“ I didn’t do anything to anyone “
“ cut this shit out right now “ he pulled you up off the ground hands in fists gripping at your shirt standing you up with his muscles alone “ get to your room — sleep off whatever the fucks going on with you “
His eyes dead set on you as you walked off everyone from the class watching as you failed to gain the strength to open the big doors that led you to your shared dorms
“ sero plea— “
“ got it hermosa “
“ really dude “
“ look it’s hot — and just cause we’re in japan doesn’t mean I can’t show off my online spanish lessons “
“ whatever “ denkis voice whined as he shook his head holding the other door open for you “ gonna get some sleep y/n ? “
you ignored the two boys head hung low as you walked to your room door
the strength appearing in your body as you opened it but, quickly dispersing when you found your bed.
Your face hitting your favorite pillow hand coming up to cradle underneath it as you sat on your knees butt high in the air tears coming out pouring into your blankets “ I won’t show — I won’t show it — I won’t get bad again “ you repeated like a chant
The light from outside disappearing as the day grew into night
several footsteps heard departing from your door when you didn’t answer the knocks . Their low calls of dinner was done , lunch was in the microwave , that you’d missed movie time , that you missed denkis attempt of asking jirou out , and todorokis miss understood question of what ‘ cuddles ‘ were when denki offered her his body to do so
“ and you assholes didn’t just think to open the door? ”
your bedroom door swinging open in a crash as the knob hit the wall behind it creating a hole
“ fucking assholes bothering me with this shit “
“ we didn’t even call you out of your room “
“ you came over to her room on your ow— “
bakugous hand moved swiftly to slam the door in their faces
“ bakubro we’ve been trying to get in there all day and your just—“
“ gonna close the door on us “ denki finished in annoyance “ seriously I just know y/n needs my charm right now “
he pouted behind the door “ it always cheers her up and I like her lau— “
“ didn’t ask to hear your fucking crush story charger base “
“ ass — kiri let’s go “
“ so no sleepy boob pics?“
bakugou stiffened hearing the purples freaks voice
“ so I came with you guys because you said she was sad and usually when girls are sad they don’t dres— “
bakugous voice was guttural as he put his forehead to the door voice loud enough for the boy to hear
“ hey — hey purple nurple “
“ I-uh — yes bakugou “
“ come here “ he could hear the small shuffle of feet to the door as he smirked softly
“ put your tiny head to the door — actually press your whole body up to the door —all the way “
“ are you trying to help me get one of y/n’s bras god —- of all people to help I never thought it’d be bakugo—“
“ hey just shh ok — you don’t want to ruin it right and make her wake up right “ he groaned inside his mind
“ she’s slept this long and through all of this— I can’t get you her bra if your loud right purple zit “
“ so so smart “
“ ok so here it is “
the room grew silent as bakugou pressed his palm as low as he could placing it on the door away from his standing body breathing in to suppress his anger so , he didn’t let out a major blast due to his mood
sighing before he felt his hand grow sweaty tiny pops coming out
“ hey bakugou —is my princess ok ? sounds like popcorn in there are her tit—“
it was quick as the door had a hole in it the newly created circle having black burn scratches on it as mineta laid burnt on the floor once purple body now black and smoke wafting off it
Bakugou squatting as he put his left hand above the hole to steady himself and his right one reaching out through it as he grimaced in pain at the stretch his fingers finally wrapping around minetas short body fingers interlocking around his neck as he looked through the new hole in the door eyes piercing into the boy he held
his voice low and dominating “ you ever come back to her room on some creep shit — and I blow your fucking brains out do you hear me “
“ y-yes sir “ mineta let out dazed “ I will stick to yao-“
“ that goes for all the girls you hear me — guys included I know your a little pervy fuck you can’t get your hands on girls underwear you’ll move on to dekus shitty tidy whities”
mineta was silent as bakugou threw him back on the floor watching as he crawled off
his body relaxing as he shook his mind burning.
head in his hands before wiping his face in exhaustion and standing up and turning to you when he felt the air in the room shift , his hands out in jazz hands and a fake smile on his face.
“ ta da “ he was met with your sitting body your pillow covering him from seeing you .
your face dropping in shock moving from his tall figure that stood inching over to the now huge hole that he was trying to hide from you
“ k-katsuki “
“ I told you about that “
“ s-sorry “
“ again I told you about that shit “ his gaze was hard on you
“ do it again and i’ll tell shitty hair to harden in the next hug he gives you — since you and that crappy puppy boy are always touching “ he mumbled
“ bakugou why are you — why does my door have a hole in it “
“ don’t worry about it “
“ h- w-how can I not worry about it my doors black“ you screamed in confusion “ it used to be brown bakugou “
“ bakugou it used to be this — bakugou — katsuki oh my gosh i’m sorry — god do you ever shut the fuck up and just be thankful “ he mocked you soon converting back to his anger ridden voice
“ and whats with this pillow take it away from you — I wanna see your fucked up face “
you sighed bringing the pillow from in front of your head his eyes having a look run through them that you couldn’t figure out but you knew it had something to do with how puffy your eyes felt . Even if they weren’t puffy or couldn’t get puffy you’d never known for a fact because it still felt like they were .
You two stared at each other as the silence grew louder him shoving his hands in his pocket before taking out the packet of pills he’d gotten for you shaking them to show you it wasn’t a weapon like Mr.Aizawa thought after finding him returning to school late and shaking him down like a police officer
his hand putting them on your desk
His other one throwing the water he found in the kitchen to your bed “ not throwing you the pills — need you to move around so you gotta come get em‘ “
your face showed no emotion as he nodded understanding the new tense and uncomfortable emotions thats were present “ ... ok — well got a green headed vegetable to go bully so “
you watched as his hands gripped the door swinging it open as you dropped your head eyes moving to the water in front of you “ why can’t I do anything right “
you cried “ why can’t the world — the days — the stars fucking align for me to feel good for once huh “
you felt even more tears prickle your eyes as your voice grew louder “ why can’t I talk to people without having this voice in the back of my mind screaming — raging like its having a party — why can’t I sit in silence without having to stand up every five seconds and move around because my body screams for attention — for movement because i’ve been sitting still for 5 seconds “
you heard the faint click of the door mouth still moving as if he were still there
“ why can’t I speak what I feel when people ask me“ you laughed shortly “ not like they do — because they can’t tell I just mask so well “
you let your face start to feel heavy and tense as you continued your crying rant into the empty room “ and most importantly why was I so bad at everything “ your eyebrows furrowed
“ why am I so bad at today ? “
“ just a day really ? “ you heard the taller males voice came out questioning
“ just today that’s what your worried about “
“ well I “
“ tch “ he shook his head before turning to face away from you his face dropping into a look he didn’t want you to see.
“ I-i’m sor— “ you knew he didn’t like you saying sorry or even using his first name you two had established that when he finally accepted your friendship or in his words
‘ you can hang around —like shitty hair but one sniff of blabber mouth and your gone ‘
“ I didn’t mean to spill to you I just — I — you can go —no one gives a shit anyways “
“ I will “
your body grew sad at his quick response
“ tell me what your most upset about “
your answer came quick as you let your brain take over “ I wake up in the middle of the night and can never fall back asleep when I do “
he moved to your door for a second time opening it to leave before pausing for a second speaking something to where you couldn’t hear much less make out
“ just knock “
he shook his head before closing the door softly to rival his usual mood.
Your body shaking when you finally realized you’d spilled out your mental thoughts to bakugou letting your body calm down before you grabbed the pills and silently thanked your friend before feeling yourself at some time finally fall asleep
It’s been days since you last felt that horrible it never stopped but you were able to hide it even more and live out your life the happiest you could
until one night you found you beating yourself up surprisingly not in real life but in your dreams
a loud gasp leaving your mouth as you sat up calming down only to bring your knees to your chest arms wrapped around them in a hug
your back moving to the wall to feel comforted after only feeling your cold hands and body wrapped around yourself
“ what I would give to have something warm “
‘warm ‘
your mind raced to bakugou trying to push the thoughts out your mind of him actually being a caring boyfriend who could help you like he did nights ago with bringing you medicine, a boyfriend who would let you snuggle into him and take all his warmt—
stop the track cause that song will never play you thought as you started to think about him again face made up in determination and focus as you tried to remember what he said that night feeling stupid when you finally remembered your quirk
the quirk that brought you pain and contributed to your mental health
your quirk allowed you to take pictures of everyone’s last moments you’d spent together with your thoughts
it was good in some aspects like right now when you could finally remember where sato helped you hide your candy bars from yourself so you wouldn’t indulge in them 2weeks ago
at the same time you can see your problem with it when the last moment you had of your mother was her kissing you goodbye before shapeshifting into a fire extinguisher and landing in your fathers hands as he screamed at you to run out of your home and get more help the last image you seeing of your father was him spraying the fire extinguisher all over the stove in hopes to calm it down before it spread but he couldn’t
it didn’t help when the pictures replayed in your mind like video home movies that you didn’t want to watch
whenever your quirk was used everything spun in your head like a movie reel the downside was it made you watch every single picture you’d taken until you found the one you were looking for
it didn’t take long before you finished your mom and dads memory and got to bakugous last moment you two spent together
you zooming in reading his lips turning up the volume on the moment as he spoke “just knock “
“ just knock ? “ you sat confused in your spot on the bed shaking off your quirk taking as long as needed to process his words only to be even more confused and just knocking on the wall twice between your two shared dorm rooms.
You never paid much attention to him being your neighbor it’s not like you needed him for anything so right now you were a bit curious in why he reminded you that you two shared walls
Eyes closing while you waited for whatever was supposed to happen
“ guess he didn’t mean it like th—“
your body softened when you heard music fill his room and overflow into yours
You heard the drums kick in as the lyrics played muffled through your wall
‘I listened to the cure
I listened to the cure
I listened to the cure
and then I cried ‘
your eyes widened before you felt your body relax against the wall eyebrows made up in content
eyes watering when you heard your two soft knocks returned on the wall behind you
you let your body go tenseness leaving as the song played moving to grab your phone with shaky hands seeing his name light up on your screen
Godzilla wannab
‘ no one gives a shit about your life right ? ‘
you cried even harder when you saw the message fit the song perfectly the words you spoke a couple days ago as if your were singing the lyrics
you looked around your room before falling on the dent he left in your wall grabbing your phone and zooming in on it to take a picture and sending it to him
Godzilla wannab
sorry your room was just so ass you needed some redecorating be thankful people tend to cry when I redecorate—just ask deku
you laughed as you seen him prepare to send a new message your heart swelling when you read it
Godzilla wannab
look this is gonna sound sus as fuck but
you bit your lip at the new message
‘ if you can’t sleep come over — your rooms cold as fuck and I know that pillow your hugging’s not doing shit ‘
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blackstarising · 2 years ago
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sooooo you wanna explain your thoughts process for your Izzy Hawthorne playlist? 👀👀
inhales sharply!!!!!
so when i make playlists, especially character driven ones, it's usually a combination of songs that are lyrically relevant to their development and then songs that really just establish vibes, both vibes of the world the character lives in and vibes of the character themselves based on what we know slash what I make up. bc i like to have fun.
also i just love stealing from my liked songs
pushin' thru it one girl revolution just a girl celebrity skin california love tubthumping jumpin', jumpin' no scrubs these are all environmental vibe setting songs. i brought this up in my t'kani prime hcs post but i do like thinking about how t'kani prime after 80 years is having their own 90s era! and it's a nice connection to the decade lightyear canonically premiered in. so i wanted a nice mix of that 90s rock, pop, r&b, and alt bc we love black girls in their grunge era. so this is the music that izzy's listening to on a daily basis.
pushin' thru it ("i'm just pushing through it! no, you can't get back what you give!") working for the knife ("i always knew the world moves on, i just didn't know it would go without me...") wicket youth ("what you don't understand, what you can't understand, you can make it mean anything, oh, anything you want!") 929 ("soft and slow, watch the minutes go. count out loud, so we know you don't keep 'em for yourself...") circle game ("soon it's gonna change, it all just goes away, count your lucky stars that you had a chance to play...")
these are the Oh No I'm In My Twenties And I Guess I'm Grown And Heeeeere Comes The Existential Dread! songs. i actually hc that izzy worked as a researcher on the science crew (like her grandma!) before becoming a full-time space ranger, volunteering for junior patrol when she could. so she knows what it's like to live with that monotonous rhythm, to wonder if this is all that her life will amount to. knowing how time starts to speed up and slow down as she gets older.
that and i really wanted to get a mitski song in there somewhere oop-
joan of arc on the dance floor ("we don't! stop! until mascara's on the dance floor! we say: no! joan of arc is on the dance floor!") no fun ("no, we don't waste no time! no, we don't need no sleep! and we can go all night! no, you're no fun!") one girl revolution ("i am a voice yet waiting to be heard, i'll shoot the shot - bang! - that you hear 'round the world! and I'm a one girl revolution!") just a girl ("oh, i'm just a girl, take a good look at me! just your typical prototype! oh, i've had it up to here!") harlem ("when it gets loud, i turn it up! oh, shake it like a bad girl up in harlem!") angels (but in the end, i learned: it rains in hell and angels could be bad!") so these songs all speak to this inner spark, this little spitfire that I think izzy has. and I think this is her 'hawthorneness', even if she doesn't fully know it yet. she thinks that being alisha hawthorne's granddaughter means doing everything Right, when it's really about learning how to harness that spark. to be messy. to be crackling. to be bold.
alien superstar ("i'm too classy for this world, forever, i'm that girl, feed you diamonds and pearls, ooh, baby! i'm too classy to be touched, i paid 'em all in dust, i'm stingy with my love!") good as hell ("come now, come dry your eyes, you know you a star, you can touch the sky! i know that it's hard, but you have to try!")
these are izzy's karaoke night songs, i like to think. they encapsulate the image she wants to project. it's not like she wants people to think she's better than them, but she wants that confidence she usually feels like she doesn't have.
and yes i DO think izzy can sing. why? well uhhhhhh
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break my soul ("you won't break my soul, and i'm telling everybody! everybody! everybody! i'm takin' my new salvation, and i'ma build my own foundation!") musician ("oh, it's calling! i just can't stop, i'm sorry! i can feel a new day dawning!")
i see izzy as the heart of team surprise party, and a character who just generally is quite joyful, so these songs speak to that joy, that life and hope she can't help but infuse into everything.
alligator sky ("where was i when the rockets came to life? and carried you away into the alligator sky? even though i'll never know what's up ahead, i'm never lettin' go, i'm never lettin' go!") mikrokosmos ("you got me! (i dream while looking at you!) i got you! (inside those pitch black nights!) the lights we saw in each other were saying the same thing: the starlight that shines more in the deepest night!") come together ("come together! right now! over me!")
izzy hawthorne, the space ranger, now in a team. an unlikely group of friends, but also something more, because they've got each others' lives in their hands, actually.
it's time ("it's time to begin, isn't it? i get a little bit bigger but then, i'll admit, i'm not the same as i was. oh, don't you understand? i'm never changing who i am") never be the same ("i'm changing! if only just a little! i'm breaking! it hurts to let it heal! i'll never be the same! no, i'll never be the same!") on my way ("i'm gonna hit the throttle! i'm gonna place my bet on every step i take! go tell everyone under the sun, i'm on my way! and if i rock bottom, i'm gonna smile and dance with every step i take! go tell everyone under the sun, i'm on my way! on my way!") just like fire ("just like fire, burning out the way! if i can light the world up for just one day! watch this madness, colorful charade! no one can be just like me anyway!")
and these songs represent who she's becoming. she's growing out of that self-imposed shadow, and into a fuller version of her own self. step by step.
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winetae · 4 years ago
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wall to wall (m.) 02
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— female reader x hoseok
— smut, porn star!au
— sex work, insecurity, jealousy, slut shaming/objectification, role played scenario that includes: d/s dynamics - dom!hoseok, anal sex, sex toys, face fucking, double penetration, erotic massages, humiliation, degradation, porn star type dirty talk, squirting, creampie, lots of cum (and oil!)
— 19.7k 
… 
Temporary popularity is the biggest threat to your career right now. Without a solid core fan base you’re doomed to be forgotten. If not now, then in a month or two, and if not then, surely by the end of the year. That’s how quickly the adult film industry cycles through their actors, especially when you’re a woman. 
Your agent comes forward with a proposition to help put you back on the map.
↳  or, my contribution to the lights, camera, action! collab : )
part 01 | part 02 | part 03
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author’s note | part 2 is finally here ! ! ty to jordan who has encouraged me literally every step of the way and to ella for supplying a never ending amount of hoseok gifs and pics when i most needed it :’) i’m sorry again for cutting the chapter into two parts but seeing as this entire chunk only amounted to 1/3 of my outline for part two it’s safe to say i would have never finished this fic otherwise ;;
(!) if you are particularly sensitive to humiliation/ degradation then maybe u should skip the smut scene bc jdjffjkfkddkd cries in tears of heaux 
SCENE 03 - PULP FRICTION. TAKE 02. ROLL A.
.
.
.
It’s hard to guess how a project will be perceived by the general public. Sometimes a xxx feature film everyone believed would do well sells less than expected, and with online pirating becoming such a rampant and common occurrence, it’s harder to measure the impact of your work. Views and numbers are no longer a reliable indicator of one’s popularity. You’re lucky that you’re signed under such a big talent agency because at least you’re guaranteed regular paychecks, regardless of how well you perform. But to survive in this industry you’re conscious that you need more than that.
According to Seokjin and his expert advice, fans are the ones who will keep an adult entertainer’s career afloat for longer than the average six months. It doesn’t matter how good-looking or well endowed an actor is; if fans aren’t interested and invested, there’s a slim chance that they’ll pay money from their own pockets to view your work. And in order to build such a strong and dedicated fan base, you need one of several things: regular content and an active social media account.
It’s a careful line to tread; not enough online interaction can make people lose interest, but so can overexposure.
You’re patiently waiting for what Seokjin baptizes “The Big Breakthrough” - the decisive project that will propel you into superstardom. None of your videos have ever garnered that type of traction, however, and you’ve been stuck repeating the same old recycled scenarios of plumbers/pizza delivery boys coming over to get the fuck of their life.
When your latest video is uploaded online, you do your best to steer clear from social media. As much as you want to see what people think of your performance, it’s too nerve-wracking to deal with on an empty stomach. You know that if you begin scrolling through the comments, you’ll spend all day glued to your phone, constantly refreshing the page to check for feedback.
And while you aren’t the type of person who lets negative opinions affect your morale, you are nonetheless worried that your time in the industry is about to run out. Lately, the thought lingers ominously in the corners of your mind.
In times like these, exercise is one of the best distractions, second to maybe sex.
Pia, the yoga instructor, walks you through several routines, bending your body this way and that, until your head feels pleasantly blank, devoid for once of any stress and self-doubt. The hour long hot yoga class puts your overthinking mind to rest. In that moment even the notion of time ceases to matter.
Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end.
The instructor turns off his meditation playlist while the room empties out, soft chattering replacing the chirping of birds and the sound of cascading water. Slowly, mind still fuzzy around the edges, you gather your belongings and head straight to the vending machine to get a much needed dose of caffeine.
As you dig around the contents of your purse for spare change, someone comes up from behind and taps your shoulder.
“Eep!” You catch your bag before it can slip from your grasp. “What—”
“Shit, sorry!”
When you spin around, hands clutched protectively over your chest to keep your heart rate steady, you don’t expect to come face to face with Hoseok, of all people.
He grins sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. “Didn’t mean to give you a scare. I, um, recognized you from afar and thought I’d come say hi.”
Now that the initial shock has faded, you’re free to admire the sight in front of you without any distractions.
As handsome as Hoseok looks under the bright studio lights with his hair styled and make-up applied, there’s something undeniably appealing about the way he appears now - with his hair mussed up and sweatpants riding dangerously low on his hips. While you normally prefer someone who puts more effort into their appearance, there’s something attractive and unpretentious about his casual demeanor that intrigues you.
Heat surges to the apple of your cheeks when you realize that you’re being too blatant with your ogling. Your eyes settle on his face - a safe zone, one that won’t cause any misunderstandings. It’s a nice sight to look at. Hoseok’s face is pretty, the absence of powder and contour not taking away from his handsomeness in the least. His skin glows in a way that can only be achieved post-workout or after an intense orgasm.
This train of thought brings you down a slippery slope. All too soon, your mind supplies images of his long cock filling you up over and over and over again, his lips whispering praise and filth in the same breath. Your gaze flits to his mouth as you recall how red and swollen they’d been after kissing you senseless, how sticky and wet they’d felt against your own, the taste of your own succulence bleeding into your mouth as your breaths intermingled.
“You’re - yes.” You clear your throat, embarrassed by the way you’d quickly let your thoughts spiral out of control. “It’s fine, you just - caught me off guard. How’ve you been?”
Since you last dicked me down, goes unsaid.
“Just finished teaching a class a few minutes ago. I’ve got a 30 minute break before the next one starts.” He checks his watch. “Well, eleven minutes now.”
“You teach here?” You raise your brows, taken aback by his revelation.  
Not that it isn’t uncommon for adult entertainers to work two jobs - or more. You’ve run into a variety of cases since joining the industry. Some do porn on the side, as a hobby or as a way to make a quick buck. They quit the moment porn becomes tedious or when they’ve made enough money to pay back their loans. For you, however, it’s not like that. What started off as amateur cam work has now become your whole life. You can’t imagine doing anything else, even if it means going against your family members’ wishes. They could go suck on a rancid cock, for all you cared.
“Yep, sure do. I teach the morning Pilates class on Wednesdays and Thursdays. Funny how I’ve never run into you before, huh?”
He takes a few coins out of his left pocket and inserts them into the vending machine. “Here, get whatever you want.”
“You don’t—”
“My treat.”
You want to argue but Hoseok’s too beguiling for his own good. It doesn’t take much for you to be won over; Hoseok’s smile widens and you’re a goner.
It’s that easy.
You’re not sure if it’s because you’ve seen each other naked before or if the earlier yoga session has successfully weakened your defenses, but you’re not as wary as you usually would be around people you don’t know well. Distrust runs in your veins yet something about Hoseok has you lowering your guard.  
Based on your observations, there’s nothing calculated behind his gestures and mannerisms. The blinding grin, the jokes, the way people easily get pulled into his magnetic field - it’s not a facade or an act or a fluke. It’s just the way he is.
Hoseok leans against the vending machine and watches you press in the numbers for your order. From the corner of your eye, you see him studying your profile with a degree of intensity that makes you self-conscious. You swallow down the urge to fidget.
And it’s - silly. He’s seen you bare and at your most exposed, has kissed and touched the entirety of your body from head to toe, but this quiet moment feels strangely intimate, more so than when he’d slid his cock inside of you for the first time. Perhaps it’s due to the absence of cameras and prying eyes or the knowledge that right now you’re both real people, stripped of your porn star persona exterior.
Your eyes meet.
There’s nothing predatory or hungry about his gaze. The passion and the love he’d expressed so naturally during your filmed scenes are no longer detectable. Right now he’s Jung Hoseok, not a character with a role to play. This is all him - the dark circles, the relaxed smile, the slight slouch in his shoulders.
“About—” He clears his throat. “About the other day. The guy that was with you...”
You know without needing clarification who and what he’s talking about. You run your tongue across your row of teeth, wiping away the cheap coffee’s aftertaste, and nod for him to continue.
“He give you a hard time?” Hoseok’s eyes don’t stray from yours. He looks concerned. Serious. “Afterwards I - I regretted leaving so soon. I didn’t want to - I wasn’t sure. But, regardless, I should have made sure you were okay before leaving you alone with him.”
“Oh.”
Realization sinks in. Your eyes widen and you splutter, flustered. “No, no. It’s nothing like that. Jimin - he’s my boyfriend.”
It’s hard to appreciate the concern when all you feel is shocked that someone could misinterpret your relationship for a perverted staff member preying on an unsuspecting porn actress. Although it’s unfortunately common practice in the industry, it’s so far removed from what you share with Jimin that you’re at a loss for words.
“Fuck, I’m sorry.” Hoseok immediately rubs his face in embarrassment. “I thought - sorry. I’m a dumbass. Ignore me.”
“It’s -”  You shake your head. “It’s fine.”
An awkward silence ensues.
You occupy the void by sipping on the bitter vending machine coffee, your eyes glued to your toenails peeking out the top of your sandals. Any other time, you’d fret over the chipping nail polish and rush to schedule an appointment at the nail salon, but your thoughts are so jumbled up that you can barely string a coherent sentence together.
Jimin - he isn’t anything like what Hoseok’s implying. Implied. You know this. But the fact that someone could mistake him as such doesn’t sit right with you. You want to defend him but at the same time you don’t know what to say.
“I just,” he sighs, breaking the silence. “I’ve seen it happen before. I’m sorry I assumed the worst. I guess I’m too paranoid for my own good. I hope I didn’t offend you too much. Or him.”
“No - I’m - I understand.” You give him a small smile to let him know you don’t harbor any ill feelings over the mistake. Hoseok seems so genuinely sorry about the entire situation that it’s impossible to hold it against him.
It’s possible, you think. To misinterpret your relationship with Jimin. The situation back then had been so tense - you remember that better than anyone. Given the context, Hoseok had every right to be mistrustful, especially when no one had bothered to set the record straight.
“I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to overstep.”
“There’s no harm done.” You hesitate before continuing, “I’m that way too, you know. I tend to think the worst of people when I probably shouldn’t. I thought - I was worried about you at first, too. When we met. Not because - it wasn’t anything against you personally. I’m just distrustful. But I’m glad - that it was you and not someone else.”
His posture relaxes. “Thank you. I’m glad that it was you, too. And that I was able to prove you wrong about me. With the shit you hear and see happening on set… I don’t blame you for being on your guard.”
“Yeah. Maybe we’ll - oh. I think someone’s calling you.”
Hoseok follows your line of sight to where a small group of his students are huddled behind the glass panel separating the Pilates classroom from the hallway leading down to the changing rooms. They’re all female and look around your age, maybe younger. The one who had been waving her arms wilts under the attention of her teacher, blush high on her cheeks, while her group of friends dissolve into a fit of giggles.
“Ah. That’s my cue.” Hoseok sighs in apology, the corner of his lips tugged downwards into a pout. “Sorry. Would’ve loved to get coffee and catch up but alas. Duty calls.”
“Next time.”
“Yeah, definitely. I’ll hold you up to that. And it’ll be proper coffee next time! Promise.”
“Okay, deal,” you agree easily. “I’ll buy.”
He looks somewhat offended. “What - no, that’s not what I meant.”
“It’s only fair.” You gesture at the half-empty plastic coffee cup still warm against your palm.
Hoseok opens his mouth to object but a short-haired woman pokes his head out the open door. “Yo, teach! Wasn’t class supposed to start five minutes ago?”
“I’m coming!” Hoseok shouts back, waving his student back inside. “Arrogant brat.”
“Go, go!” You urge, holding yourself from physically pushing him towards the classroom. His group of students look like they’re willing to jump you if you keep hogging his attention.
“We’ll Rock Paper Scissors it!” He says while jogging backwards. “Gotta run but see you around, yeah?”
Your lips pull into an amused smile as you watch him retreat back to his classroom. Through the glass panel, you can see the horde of girls flock around him, each vying for his attention in different ways. You’re especially impressed by how one almost succeeds in drowning Hoseok in her generous cleavage.
The sight of Hoseok dealing with thirsty college girls is so ridiculous you can’t help but giggle. You’re tempted to attend one of his classes just to watch them all trip over each other in an attempt to seduce him. Maybe you could even learn a thing or two.
With that thought in mind, you leave the gym center in high spirits, feeling refreshed and rejuvenated, ready to tackle on whatever hurdles the day decides to throw your way. You hum along to a top 40 hit they constantly play on the radio and decide to stop by your favorite restaurant to get take-out before heading home.
As you get into your car, you turn on your phone you’d disregarded all morning and are immediately notified of five missed calls and several unread text messages. More than half are - unsurprisingly - from your agent. You’re tempted to ignore him for an hour or two longer but you know how he gets once his patience runs thin.
“Don’t tell me you were out with Jimmy again,” Seokjin groans once you decide to call him back.
“I was with Hoseok, actually.”
“Hoseok?” Seokjin instantly perks up on the other side of the line. “As in, Jung Hoseok? J-Hope? Your baby daddy? That Hoseok?”
You contemplate ending the call.
Begrudgingly you concur, “Yes. That one.”
“Oooooh. Do tell,” he eggs, the smugness in his tone so thick that you can visualize it.
“It wasn’t - whatever scandalous thought you’re thinking. He works at the gym I go to. What are the chances, right?”
“What are the chances indeed.” Despite the lack of juicy gossip, he sounds pleased. “The news I rang you for earlier involves him.”
“How so?”
“Your video with Hoseok has been the number 1 trending video on Bang Gang’s home page since this morning!” He squeals, enthusiasm making the volume of his voice raise by a notch. “People are eating that romantic insemination stuff for breakfast and lunch. The views on this are insane! We haven’t gotten such a big reaction since the Agust D teacher-student role play and that was ages ago.”
“Wh- Are you serious?!”
Unable to contain the elation that surges through your chest, your face breaks out into a giant grin.
You’re admittedly the first to say that the number of views doesn’t equate to one’s talent or prowess in bed, but you also can’t completely disregard what this particular achievement implies...
While belonging to a reputable agency has its perks, it also entails continuous competition with big names. Your coworkers are also your competitors. Every month the most successful porn stars are rewarded and praised, whilst the ones who rake in the least amount of views are cast aside and are fated to fade into anonymity.
As much as you hate to acknowledge it, you’ve never had the support or interest it takes to contend for 1st place on any popularity polls or rankings of the sort. On Wednesdays, it so happens that the number one trending video spot is usually occupied by a popular femdom porn star who’s been in the game long enough to have secured a loyal fanbase.
Seokjin understands and empathizes with your excitement more than anybody.
“Yes, I’m serious! I think this is It, you know? Your Big Breakthrough, the moment we’ve been waiting for. You’ve been doing well so far but I think we’ll be able to go mainstream with this,” he chatters on, excitement building with every word. “Director Ryu said he’d personally call you up later to congratulate you, so don’t turn off your phone and ignore your calls, okay? I think he wants to ask you to film in his next movie but he didn’t discuss the details with me. Whatever it is - please say yes. I know the guy is a little pompous old fart but he really has an eye for this sort of thing. Casting you and Hoseok in the same film was the work of God. The chemistry between the two of you is unreal, no wonder people are jacking off to this at 10 am while they eat their cereal.”
You think it’s too early to rejoice in the success of your video considering the majority of the viewers are sleeping or busy at work - but when THE SPERMINATOR retains its number one ranking for the remainder of the week, you know your achievement deserves to be properly celebrated.
True to Seokjin’s word, Director Ryu does end up calling you. He wants to work with you and Hoseok again for a new film - and possibly more.
“A multi-film contract? You want to sign one with me?”
“How could I not? You’re both naturals and work well together. More importantly, the camera loves you. And people are on board with the pairing already! I think it’s a good idea to capitalize on their interest, don’t you think?”
It doesn’t take much more to convince you — not that you need any convincing at this point.
You refuse to be a flash-in-the-pan star. Although you admittedly had your reservations at first, the unexpected success of the last film is all Ryu needs to persuade you.
And - you like Hoseok. It goes without saying that there are far worse people to be partnered up with. Besides, it’s easier to work with co-stars you’ve starred in movies with previously for multiple reasons. Your acting is much more likely to come off as natural if you’re already acquainted with the dick that’s about to split you open - at least, that’s what you tell yourself.
When you mention the possibility of working again with Hoseok, your boyfriend doesn’t seem to share your enthusiasm.
“So it’s not a one time thing?” He’s not looking at you directly, his attention fixed instead on the freshly brewed coffee he nurses in his hands.  
“I mean—” You smile tentatively. “Director Ryu hasn’t said for how long he’ll keep hiring us for his projects. Maybe - maybe he’ll keep the format and hire different actors in the future? He - he didn’t really say. I don’t think he has much of an idea himself. He’s very...peculiar.”
You force out a laugh, but your attempt to lighten up the atmosphere falls flat.
“I see.” Jimin brings the coffee cup to his mouth to hide his grimace.
You don’t need to see his dejected expression to know that he isn’t pleased with this development.
“Do you - is there something wrong with Hoseok?” You hesitate, unsure of how he’ll reply.
Jimin’s never insisted you step down from a project before or expressed his dissatisfaction with any of your ‘artistic choices’, although you always imagined that someday, somewhere down the line, he might. Compared to your past dalliances, Jimin is understanding and empathetic. You don’t expect him to be perfect, however, especially when you yourself are far from that. Everyone must have their own personal limits, right? It’s unfair to ask Jimin to be accepting all the time.
It’s just that...the timing is bad.
You want to take his feelings into consideration, but you’re also aware that this might be your last opportunity to get your name out there once and for all. Your previous works have never tanked, so to speak, but they’d mostly gone by unnoticed. While you’ve managed to make ends meet in the past, such anonymity cannot go on for much longer if you want to remain in this line of work.
Your lipstick wears off as you bite your lower lip. Silence hangs heavy in the air.
Jimin sets down his cup of coffee and averts his gaze.
“No. No, there’s nothing wrong with him.”
You breathe out in relief, only now realizing you’d been holding in your breath as you awaited his answer.  
“It’s a bit difficult,” he admits after a pause. “Watching both of you together... Not because it’s bad! You did really good last time. You always do, but - saying ‘I love you’, that kind of stuff, it’s - I don’t know. It’s not your fault, though! I just need some time to adjust. Next time shouldn’t be as strange - since I know what to expect...”
You blink slowly as your brain registers the confession. His words echo in your ears and a strong feeling of déjà-vu washes over you. He’d said something along those lines before, hadn’t he?
Jimin shrugs like it’s no big deal before continuing, “As for Hoseok... He seems like a good person, I guess. I don’t think he’s the problem. Whether it’s him or another guy...” He sighs. “I think I just need to work this out on my own. It’s not like I can ask you to turn down a job offer because of me, right?”
Guilt makes your stomach turn. He’s right. As much as you want to respect his feelings, you can’t bring yourself to turn down the job for his sake. Does that make you selfish? Does he think less of you for it?
“Alright...” When you reach out to take his hand in yours, his skin is surprisingly cold to the touch. “You’ll tell me if it ever bothers you, okay? Filming this - or anything else. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable with what I do...”
You’re not sure what you’ll do if that moment ever comes to pass. Work is your number one priority in life. Many of your relationships haven’t worked out because of that very reason but your past lovers’ dissatisfaction hadn’t been enough to change your mindset. After all, work is what helps put money on the table, not love. You shake your head, as if the action will help you get rid of your stressful thoughts.  
Jimin nods as he interlaces his fingers with yours. On normal days, holding hands together puts your mind at rest. You love the way his hand fits in yours, the different skin tones blending into one.
Right now, his pale hand feels unnaturally cold against your own. It feels like winter itself is embracing you and you repress a shiver.
Maybe as his girlfriend it’s not the right choice to make, but — you can’t falter now. It physically pains you to admit it but Seokjin’s worrying isn’t unfounded. Your career is stagnant, your projects predictable and boring. You’re not bad at your job, but you don’t stand out amidst the sea of pretty girls hoping to make a name for themselves.
There’s no guarantee that Director Ryu’s new project will be as successful as the first. You’re no stranger to false hopes; there’s a chance that Seokjin’s wishful thinking might never amount to anything. Even so, you want to give it a shot. Not trying feels too much like giving up and giving up is not an option you’re willing to consider, not when you’ve already put so much on the line.
You’re not a quitter. Seokjin had warned you from day one that it wouldn’t be easy and you’d taken his lessons and warnings to heart. You’d become an adult entertainer fully aware of the trials and tribulations you’d have to face and had been prepared to make the necessary sacrifices in order to achieve your goals.
But are the risks truly worth it? Looking at Jimin’s dejected expression, you’re not so sure anymore.
.
.
.
They’ve really gone all out this time, you muse as you cast a cursory glance at your surroundings. A small, electric waterfall fountain sits in the far right corner and crimson colored scented candles are dispersed all around the elaborate massage parlor set-up, dousing the room in a cosy, amber glow. It’s a surprising sight because porn sets are famous for never focusing on the details. Viewers are here for the sex, not the generic backdrop of a rented room or hotel suite.
Director Ryu vehemently protests.
“That’s precisely what sets apart my works from your average pornography film. I want the viewer to be completely immersed in the movie they’re watching. Porn is too constricting and underwhelming a word. What I’m creating is a feast for the eyes, one that leaves a lasting impression after consumption.”
“Ah... Yes.” You try (and fail) to sound impressed.  
“People want to believe the sex is real, even if it’s just for an hour.” He sighs deeply, sounding pained, like explicating such a simple fact isn’t worthy of his time. “They need the escape and it’s our job to make it happen. A few extra candles might not make a colossal difference at first glance. But that’s where you’re wrong! It’s never been about the candles. It’s about the ambiance! The visual experience!”
It’s a pity the new budget doesn’t extend to your wardrobe, you remark internally as your gaze drops to observe the stylists’ pick of the day.
For the upcoming scene, you’ve been instructed to squeeze into a tight, baby pink shirt that stretches obscenely over your bust like something straight out of a frat boy’s wet dream. Inwardly, you congratulate yourself for hitting the gym religiously because your clothes—or lack thereof—put everything on display. The cotton material of your shirt is so thin, you’re surprised the stitches haven’t popped out, while the denim bottoms you sport are so tiny that you could hardly qualify them as shorts. Although—you suppose that there isn’t any use debating over semantics. It’s not as if they’ll stay on long enough for it to matter.
The scenario that you’ll be acting out today is pretty straight-forward. You stop by the parlor to cash in a voucher gifted by a generous and thoughtful friend. Hoseok, who plays the role of an erotic masseuse, gives you a deep tissue body massage worthy of a five star review on Yelp.
Director Ryu is extremely proud of the pitch. His spectacles glint as he pushes them up the bridge of his long nose.
“We’re gonna call it My Bare Lady. Haha, get it?” He gloats. “It’ll be different from our last shoot - the both of you aren’t supposed to be acquainted with each other at all. In fact, there won’t be any romance. We’re aiming for something new because as artists, it’s our duty to reinvent ourselves every day. Complacency is the enemy of creativity.”
At the mention of Hoseok, your gaze flits over in his direction.
His brown hair, two shades lighter than the last time you’d run into him, is swept to the side, giving him a professional and tidy appearance. He’s swapped his workout attire for beige scrub pants and a matching shirt. The color compliments the glow of his tan and the cut of the uniform is flattering to his figure. Diretor Ryu’s speech continues despite your wavering focus.
“—visual stimulation. That’s why one shouldn’t underestimate the proper use of props. A believable setting sets the tone for the rest of the scene. If you don’t believe the role you’ve been given, then why should the audience?”
“Mhm,” you nod here and there but you’ve long stopped paying attention to his one-sided speech.
Your eyes linger on Hoseok’s arms and the dimples that appear every time he laughs. You’re not the only one who stares. A small group of admirers flock to him like bees swarming around a rare and exotic flower.
You’d noticed it before but today confirms it; Hoseok’s presence is riveting. It’s not the first time today your gaze has strayed his way. More than once, you find your eyes drawn to him like a moth to a flame only to quickly avert your gaze whenever your eyes meet. Each time, the right side of his mouth quirks into a half-smile, the beginning of a question forming on his lips.
It’s embarrassing to be caught red-handed gawking but, in your defense, you aren’t the only one who ogles him—and many of them are far less discreet than you try to be, some gazes curious, others downright lecherous.
It bothers you. What exactly do you and everyone else find so fascinating about his character? He’s good-looking, sure—but you’re no stranger to handsome and pretty co-stars with nicely shaped dicks. You can’t put a finger on what sets him apart from the rest.
The gaffer comes over and momentarily interrupts the flow of Director Ryu’s monologue with a personal inquiry. Thank God. You use the opportunity to slip away, grateful that someone has put an end to your misery. As thankful as you are to the director for the career opportunity, you could do without his long-winded speeches that never seem to end.  
“Hey, Hoseok.”
His smile widens, the corners dimpling the moment he spots you. “Hey! It’s been a while. Who would’ve thought we’d get to work again so soon, huh?”
“I didn’t think our last movie would do so well, honestly.”
Without its success, who knows what kind of movie you’d be participating in right now? Another re-hashed version of ‘BABYSITTER GETS CREAMED’ type scenario, most probably.
“I guess that’s a testament to your acting skills, right?”
You smile back, sheepish but nevertheless pleased. It always feels nice to be complimented, especially on days like today when you’re feeling less confident than usual.
“You changed up your hair.”
“Yeah! I thought I needed a change.” He threads his fingers through his locks self-consciously. “It looks fine, right?”
“It does!” you agree with an enthusiastic nod.
Jimin, who had insisted to be present on set today, hovers on the edge of your periphery. In the back of your mind you know he means well—that his presence is meant to be a source of support and security. On a typical day, you’re relieved that someone you trust is close by in case the situation escalates. While you’ve never had any horrific experiences, there have been the occasional uncomfortable encounters behind the scenes. Thankfully, Seokjin or Jimin have always stepped in before whichever entitled asshat could get too handsy.
But for the first time, his presence doesn’t comfort you the way it usually does.
Your smile becomes stiff.
The last thing you want is for Jimin to misunderstand the situation... Despite his claims of not having any problems with you shooting again with Hoseok, you can’t forget the stony expression on your boyfriend’s face as he had stared your co-star down, his grip around your waist strong and possessive.
“Are you okay?” Hoseok inquires, noticing your change in attitude. Worry creases his brow. He takes a step forward as if to check up on you.
“I’m okay!” You wave your hands around in the air, if only to maintain the distance separating your figures.
Despite your energetic reassurances, Hoseok looks unconvinced. He tilts his head to the side, his eyes narrowing in concern.
You wrack your head for an acceptable excuse. “Maybe I have pre-performance jitters? It’s nothing serious, though!”
It’s not too far from the truth, either. You feel more nervous than usual... Maybe because you’re aware that today’s shoot will most likely make or break your career. If the results prove to be disappointing, you don’t want to imagine what that means for your future.
You shake your head, refusing to accept any talks of early retirement.
But what other choice will you have, your inner voice argues. If no one is interested in viewing your works, no production company will want to book you for their movies. Even if you’re able to shoot half a dozen films after this failed attempt, the interest and support from viewers and higher-ups will soon dry up.
Hoseok’s features soften.
“Look, I know we don’t know each other that well yet, but if my opinion means anything... I think you’re really amazing.” His deep brown eyes reflect sincerity. “I haven’t had this much fun performing with anyone before and it’s not just ‘cos you’re fucking hot.” He laughs to cover up his embarrassment. “Maybe it’s a bit of a reach to compare the two, but porn is a bit like dancing in a way. There’s a choreography to follow, a certain rhythm and mood you have to get into. But the most important part is the chemistry and trust between you and your partner. And you - when I perform with you, it doesn’t feel like I’m acting at all. Not many people have that ability. For what it’s worth, I think you’re pretty special.”
“T-thanks,” you stutter in reply, taken aback by his candor. “I appreciate that.”
You’re not the only one caught off-guard by Hoseok’s frankness. He rubs the back of his neck and chuckles to fill up the momentary lapse in conversation. A bashful smile inches its way across his face, but surprisingly he doesn’t break eye contact.
You quickly change subjects, unwilling to acknowledge the slight fluttering in your stomach.
“...So, you dance?”
It’s not the smoothest transition, but Hoseok’s face instantly lights up.
“Yes! I mean,” he pauses and clears his throat. “Not professionally. I minored in dance. But it’s something I definitely enjoy, you know, to blow off some steam. Ah, wait a sec—”
He takes out his phone to show you short video clips of his dancing. He pulls up his instagram account and scrolls through an eclectic mix of mirror selfies showcasing his bold fashion choices, dog pics, and videos of him working out and dancing.
“Here’s a recent one.”
You don’t know much about dance but in spite of your little knowledge in the subject, your eyes stay transfixed on the screen in front of you. “Whoa...”
The way he moves is enthralling, for lack of a better word. You know from experience that his body is flexible and agile, lithe and strong, but seeing it in action like this leaves you speechless, momentarily robbed of coherency. You can’t even describe it. His execution of the choreography is sharp and powerful, yet his body doesn’t look rigid. On the contrary, his movements are surprisingly fluid and he never misses a single beat. You watch in astonishment as he pushes himself off of his knees after bending backwards in one fell swoop.
“Eh? Is it even possible to move your body that way?” Surely if you try to mimic him, you’ll look like a flailing chicken. “That can’t be safe...”
Hoseok laughs at your shocked expression. “It takes a lot of practice. You should come to a workshop one day! My friend teaches beginners. He’d be glad if you could join. The more the merrier, right? You don’t need to know any of the basics... And if you’re worried about people poking fun—don’t. Dancing isn’t a competition or anything.”
“I dunno.” You hand him back his phone after watching the video loop back for a second time. “I think my back would crack if I attempted any of that.”
“I think you would do really well! You’re pretty flexible and I don’t think you need to worry about stamina. Your core muscles are also really well developed. Based on what I’ve seen, you have a good sense of balance and beat awareness, so even if you’ve never danced before, you have the body and disposition for it.”
“Well... I guess I��”
“Hey.” Jimin interrupts, plump lips curved into a polite smile. You try not to let your surprise show; you hadn’t even noticed him approaching. He kisses your cheek and slides his hand into yours, clasping it between his own. “Sorry to interrupt, doll. Seokjin wanted to have a word with you before the shoot.”
“Oh.” You blink, your eyes darting back and forth between Jimin and Hoseok. “Um...if you don’t mind?”
“That’s straight,” Hoseok steps back, shoving his hands down his pockets. He shoots you a tentative smile. “I’ll catch you later.”
You feel bad for ditching him mid-conversation after he’d been so nice, but you know how annoying your agent can get when ignored for too long.
Jimin’s fingers tighten around yours. When you look up, he’s pouting, his lips pursed and brows drawn together.
“Is something on your mind?”
You can see the hesitation flicker across his face. When he finally meets your gaze, his expression is troubled.
“It’s nothing...” He looks away again and the grip he has on your hand loosens.
“Hm.” You swallow down any further inquiries, worried you’ll upset him.
“What was that about, anyway?” he asks casually, trying his best to look uninterested. “You and Hoseok look like you’re getting along well.”
“Yeah.” The memory of your previous conversation makes you smile softly despite yourself. “He’s a nice guy.”
“I can imagine.” Jimin mutters under his breath. Before you have time to question him again, he straightens his spine, his features twisting into an apologetic expression. “Look, I gotta help setting up the cameras. I’ll see you after the shoot.”
“Ah... Alright.” You fight to keep the disappointment of your face. Since you only have a few minutes before filming begins, you’d been hoping to spend it with him.
As if reading your mind, Jimin leans in and kisses you, his plush lips soft and familiar against your own. You expect him to pull away after a few seconds but his left hand slots itself behind your neck, bringing you in closer to deepen the kiss. His other hand angles your head to the side, giving him more access, and he doesn’t waste any time before brushing his tongue against the roof of your mouth.
You respond to the kiss as if on auto-pilot, but your thoughts are all jumbled in your head. Jimin’s always been a good kisser but he’s rarely kissed you quite like this. His style is more of a slow-burn, the kind that slowly creeps up on you and leaves your whole body numb with pleasure. Every press of his lips feels like a silent prayer of worship and each swipe of his tongue tastes like adoration. You like that he takes his time, like you’re not just a quick meal to curb his hunger but a delicacy worthy of being savored.
Right now, this kiss feels unfamiliar. Urgency replaces devotion. Perhaps it’s because he’s short on time, but his touch is hurried and sloppy. He bites your lower lip, hard enough for it to hurt, and licks into your mouth when you mewl out a gasp of surprise.
“I wish I could just mark you up,” he pants against your parted lips. They feel tender when you smack them closed.
“The makeup artist is going to strangle you for messing up my lipstick.” You fake a scowl. You’re not half-wrong, though. Once she sees how swollen they’ve become she’s bound to take out her frustration on the closest available victim. “If you marked me for real, she’d probably kill you. Don’t tempt her.”
He chuckles and pulls back, letting his hands fall to his side. His eyes dart to somewhere behind your shoulder, his smile curving into a smirk.
“You’re right.” He sighs, looking back at you. “But that’s easier said than done. You’re hard to resist... Anyone would agree.”
Something dark clouds his eyes but whatever it is, it’s gone in the next blink.
You laugh, pleased nonetheless by his flattery. “Didn’t you say you had to help set up? You’re going to end up in trouble because of me…”
Jimin snorts but backs up all the same. “Don’t worry about me. Besides, you’re worth getting in trouble for.”
Someone behind you gags dramatically. “Absolutely sickening.”
When you whirl around, your agent shoots you a disgusted glare. “I was wondering what was taking you so long but I should’ve known you two were out here fabricating babies. Have you no shame?”
“I’ll see you after the shoot!” Jimin says quickly, eager to get away from Seokjin and his sharp tongue.
“See you.” You smile sweetly, ignoring Seokjin’s grumbling. You feel a pang of jealousy as you watch him scurry out of sight. If only you could avoid Seokjin’s pre-performance motivational speeches...
“Anyways.” Seokjin looks noticeably less irritated once Jimin is gone. “I wanted to check up on you before filming could begin. How’s your ass doing?”
You don’t bother hiding your grimace. “Squeaky clean and stretched.”
“That’s what I like to hear.” He sounds proud. “Don’t make that face. It’s your first anal scene after all. Doesn’t hurt to be prepared, right?”
By ‘be prepared’ he means following a strict diet prior to shooting, waking up at the ass crack of dawn to get a colonic, stretching out your asshole for a good thirty minutes using a fuck ton of lube, and constantly rehydrating yourself throughout the day to the point where you’d gone to the bathroom more times than you could count on one hand.
You’re never this thorough with prep before having anal but apparently that’s the difference between fucking in the privacy of your own home and on camera.
“There’s a reason why cleanliness is one of the fundamentals of anal sex, especially when shooting porn. It’s a pain...in the ass...but this way, no one sees something they’d rather not see,” had explained Seokjin after giving you a non-exhaustive list of detailed steps to follow. You suppose there’s logic behind his reasoning. Due to the magic of 4k-quality videos, viewers can now easily see everything, down to the sweat droplets dotting your hairline and any makeup-covered skin imperfections, so you don’t want to imagine what they’ll notice once the camera zooms in on your back entrance.
“Eventually you’ll get used to squeezing water out your bum on the regular.” He shrugs. “You’ll also start to avoid certain foods on your own. The dietary restrictions aren’t that bad, all things considered, and your body will thank you for eating more spinach than you’re used to. Greens are good for your health even if they taste like yuck.”
Athough his suggestions are well-intended, you don’t need another 25 minute speech on all the know-hows of filming anal sex. The first time had been more than enough.
“Thanks for the advice!” you interject right as he opens his mouth to continue his counseling. “That reminds me I need to get this butt plug out of my ass before we start shooting.”
Seokjin sighs. “That would be preferable, yes.”
He doesn’t need to know that you’ve taken out the butt plug in the bathroom half an hour ago. Any excuse will do, as long as you’re spared from listening to his passionate discourse on the benefits of high-fibre food diets and his long list of enema tutorial video recommendations.
The fussing, you think, is unnecessary. You’re not worried about the upcoming sex scene, even if it will be the first time someone other than your partner sees you in that position. No, what troubles you is the possibility of the audience growing tired of seeing you onscreen now that they’ve witnessed you take it up the ass. Boredom is the reason why so many of your peers are forced to end their careers prematurely, after all. Why else is Seokjin so adamant about you pacing yourself and not filming everything there is to film right off the bat? You’ve always held off shooting anal, double penetration and the likes, for that very reason. Although you have no qualms with the act itself, you’re worried that you’re now one step closer to retirement.
The thoughts sit on your shoulders like a heavy weight as you get ready for the scene to come. You listen to Director Ryu’s instructions as he describes the scenario’s key points, your character’s motives, and what sex positions you should include before the scene comes to an end.
“The rest is up to you,” he says with an encouraging nod. “I want the words to come from the heart! Let yourself be a vessel, a way for your character to express their innermost desires.”
“Leave it up to us.” Hoseok’s smile radiates confidence.
“I like your enthusiasm!” Director Ryu approves, clapping his hands together. He misses the way his two leading actors exchange exasperated glances over his shoulder. “Good, then we’re all set? Remember where the cameras are positioned, please, or else we’ll have to reshoot to get the right angles.”
“Got it.” You nod, eager to get this show on the road. Between him and Seokjin, your ears are about to fall off from the incessant chattering. Even the camera men are starting to grow restless.
Speaking of... You meet Jimin’s gaze, the sides of your mouth upturning the moment you spot him. As usual, he looks slightly out of place standing between the other crew members, his white, ironed dress shirt neatly tucked into his black pants providing a stark contrast with his co-workers’ unkempt appearance.  
Jimin mirrors your smile and your shoulders immediately relax. A lot of people may not understand why you’d allow your boyfriend on set while you’re fucking someone else, but his presence brings you a strange sense of comfort that’s hard to put into words.
The sound of your name being called pulls you from your line of thought.
“Can you scoot over to the right? Just a little.” Director Ryu orders while glancing at the monitor. “Yes, that’s much better. And can we fix the lighting, please? My shadow’s getting picked up by the camera.”
Now that the start of the shoot is right around the corner, your stomach cramps up with a nervous kind of anticipation. Your tongue feels like cotton in your mouth and even when you swallow, the unpleasant feeling doesn’t go away.
You clasp your hands together in your lap to hide the minute trembling of your fingers. It’s strange, you think. Ever since you started working with Hoseok, you always get too wrapped in your thoughts. Not necessarily in a bad way, at least not all the time, but --
“You all good?” Hoseok asks, low enough that the mics won’t be able to pick up his questioning. “Do you need some water?”
You shake your head. “I’m good, thanks.”
He hesitates but doesn’t push. “I just wanna run this with you one last time. I know we already signed the consent forms but I’d feel better talking with you about the scene directly.”
“Oh.” You remember he’d done something similar last time, too. “Sure.”
“Anal aside, are you okay with the use of degrading names during the scene?” His eyes never leave yours, like he wants you to know how serious he is.
“I’m okay with you calling me a whore.” Your shoulders loosen up. It’s easy to relax when you’re on familiar territory. Working in this industry requires complete transparency. There’s no shame in discussing your kinks just like there’s no shame in admitting the acts you’re not comfortable performing. “As long as I can call you a slut.”
“That’s fine.” His lips quirk up, but not in a mocking or dismissing way. “I don’t really have any hard limits myself, except for what you’ve already seen on paper. Degradation is fine with me. Call my dick tiny all you want, I won’t take it to heart.”
You laugh, forgetting to keep the volume down. “I’ll keep that in mind…”
“So degradation is fine. Is humiliation okay as well? Situational and verbal?”
“I like that.” You bite your lower lip as you remember your encounter with Min Yoongi a month or so ago, how turned on you’d been from his words alone. “I’ll admit I haven’t dabbled too much in BDSM on the porn scene, but I enjoyed what I’ve done so far.”
“That’s good to know.” He raises his brow. “Ever since we received the pitch for today’s movie I’ve been trying to think of ways to make it, uh, more interesting. So to speak. But I didn’t want to take any initiatives if they made you uncomfortable. Oh, also I meant to ask if there was anything you wanted to include in the scene aside from anal sex.”
Somehow you’re not surprised he’s put thought into this. Last time you’d worked with him, he’d been overflowing with suggestions as well. Maybe because the previous filming formats aren’t as flexible, but it’s not often you meet someone so willing to exchange ideas before filming.
The change is more than welcome. For the first time, it feels like your opinion actually matters. The two of you quietly go back and forth discussing different possibilities while the filming crew finish setting up the set the way Director Ryu wants it.
“Alright,” Ryu calls, settling into the director’s chair. Somewhere in the background, the gaffer wipes off his brow. “Everyone ready to rooooollll?”
Hoseok takes a few steps back and reaches for a nearby clipboard.
Miraculously, you note distantly, the swarming of butterflies in your stomach is now gone. Your palms are no longer clammy and cold with perspiration. When you swallow, there’s no lump of nerves stuck in your throat.
Hoseok sends an encouraging smile your way right before Director Ryu yells “ACTION!” and he schools his features into a more polite, appropriate expression.
He doesn’t speak up right away, just walks over to where you’re sitting on the massage table in a leisurely manner. You open your mouth to fill the silence but he beats you to it.
“Welcome to Happy Ending Clinic, where we ensure every client leaves feeling 100% satisfied. We guarantee high quality services personally adapted to suit the needs of our every client,” Hoseok says in lieu of greeting, the lilt in his voice smooth and practiced, like he’s used to repeating this introduction multiple times throughout the day. “My name is J-Hope and today you will be in my care.”
“Nice to meet you.” You’re careful to keep your back ramrod straight, hoping the stiffness in your body will be picked up by the cameras.
The role you’re playing today is more reserved and awkward than the usual unabashed and bold characters you’re used to acting. And while it’s not your first time pretending to be coy and shy for the cameras, such behavior isn’t second nature.
His smile, whilst professional, radiates warmth. You suppose it’s meant to be reassuring.
“I will do my best to make this session unforgettable.”  
His gaze sweeps over the clipboard sitting in his hands.
“Hmmm... ______, is it?” When you nod in affirmation, he continues. “It says here it’s your first time visiting our establishment.”
You’re surprised at how naturally he adapts to the role he’s been assigned to. The words that roll off his tongue sound like his own.
“Yes... Honestly, I - I didn’t think it was necessary, but my friend insisted - I mean, she recommended I visit this place...said it would do me some good.”
You wring your hands in your lap. You’re lucky the character you’re playing today is supposed to be a little shy and rigid. Otherwise, you’re not sure Director Ryu would have let your awkward stuttering slide.
“That’s not a problem.” The lines of Hoseok’s mouth bend into a reassuring smile. “Let’s see... It says you’ve booked an hour-long session?”
“Yep.”
“Then with your permission, I’d like to take fifteen supplementary minutes to find out which massage course is best suited for a novice like you. It’ll be free of charge, of course.”
You nod, eager to get the show on the road. Given your character’s disposition, maybe you should have pretended to mull over the proposal for a few seconds more - if only for appearance’s sake - but you’re tired of all this talking. Impatience gets the best of you.
“Oh! Yes, that sounds fine.”
He pulls out several colorful mock pamphlets and hands them over for you to peruse their contents. You try not to let your astonishment show.
It’s the first time you’ve seen a prop team this devoted to their task. Although the insides of the brochures remain blank, you still can’t believe someone actually took the time to print out fake brochure covers. You appreciate the effort, even if the covers do look like they’ve been made by someone who’s looking to major in ‘graphic design is my passion.’
You hold one up at random and pretend to read through it, hoping that whoever will watch the movie later will ignore the ugly block font that spells out ‘NAUGHTY MASSAGE : FOUR HANDS EDITION.’
“Inside, you’ll find a detailed explanation on the various vegan, cruelty-free products we use. All of our treatments are oil-based and you can choose the scent of your choice. If your skin is particularly sensitive, we have essential oil-infused body butters that work just as effectively and leave the skin silky smooth to the touch. Depending on your skin type, you might be interested in testing—” He takes out several jars all while explaining the different health benefits of ylang ylang essential oil.
Once again, you’re caught off guard by his convincing performance. Even though you’ve been given several pointers by the director before filming, Hoseok is the one who ultimately calls the shots. Inwardly, you wonder how he manages to come up with such original lines on the spot. Despite not being a professional actor, Hoseok’s intuitive choices are beyond your expectations.  
The thoroughness of his explanation makes your head spin. Cruelty-free products? Body butter? You have no way of knowing whether his statements are fabricated for the sake of the vague storyline - but you suppose the credibility of his words doesn’t really matter in the end. It’s the small details he sprinkles here and there that help you immerse in the scene.  
His proficiency in acting makes all of your worries melt away. It’s hard to believe he’s only a rookie, just starting off his career, and not an acting veteran with dozens of movies under his belt.
Not wanting to be entirely overshadowed by your co-star, you furrow your eyebrows, determination set into your features.
“I’m sorry... I’ve never done this before. They all look the same to me.”
“Ah.” Still, Hoseok’s smile stays amiable and professional. “Well, let’s go about it this way - why do you think your friend insisted you visit our establishment?”
You catch your bottom lip between your teeth, your gaze dropping to the floor in order to avert his probing stare. “I - um. I haven’t had - I mean, I guess I’ve been stressed lately. More pent up than usual. I’ve tried exercising and meditating and mas- uh...well everything, honestly. But nothing seems to work. I’m snappy all the time and...frustrated.”
Today, the character you’re playing is a bit more bashful, too timid to voice her desires into spoken words. “It’s all about the tension! The build-up!” Director’s Ryu’s voice echoes in your mind as a reminder.
“I see,” Hoseok nods, taking your comments into consideration. “On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate the quality of your sleep?”
“A five...” you say after a moment’s hesitation. “I don’t wake up during the night, but it takes me a long time to fall asleep.”
“Do you feel any pain anywhere?”
“Pain? No, not really.” You roll your shoulders back, conscious of the way your perky chest juts out, nipples prominent through the cheap fabric. “My neck does feel sore from time to time but I think it’s because I work an office job. They say staying hunched over in front of a computer all day is bad for your health.”
His gaze roams your figure, quietly assessing. “It is.”
“May I?” he asks, taking a tentative step closer. “I think I’ll need to gauge your level of sensitivity for myself. We’ll adjust the intensity of the massage depending on how much pressure you can withstand and how your body reacts to different types of stimuli.”
Your brows lift. “Oh. Sure, why not.”
“Move back a little. A bit more.” You obey his instructions without second thoughts. “That’s perfect, thank you.”
Your legs dangle awkwardly over the edge of the massage table. You can probably close them if you wanted to, but you don’t miss an opportunity to expose yourself in front of the cameras. The shorts you’re wearing are more like tiny scraps of denim put together with the help of a few stitches. You’re certain that if someone were to really look, they’d see the outline of your pussy lips.
Hoseok walks around the table to stand behind you. The sensation is somewhat familiar—right away, you’re reminded of the first encounter with Hoseok, the one where he’d wrapped his arms around you and whispered words of love into your ear. You close your eyes and let the images flash by in quick succession. The memories all come rushing in at once—an artist’s lips painting your skin like a brush would canvas, a potter’s agile fingers molding your body from clay, a lyricist’s tongue composing sonnets into your weeping, open cunt. Your body remembers it all.
When he finally touches you, his hands radiate warmth the shadow of his memory does not.
A shudder runs down your spine.
Oblivious to your inner thoughts, Hoseok carefully gathers your hair into a ponytail and moves it out of the way. His mobility no longer restricted, he lets his slender digits travel down the slope of your neck, the pads of his fingers digging into the meat of your shoulders.
“You’re unusually tense here.” Concern colors his voice as he increases the pressure.
Suddenly the discomfort you’re to convey to the audience is no longer feigned. “Ow!”
The wince that mars your face is authentic. You try to wiggle out of his grasp to relieve the sharp ache in your shoulders. Hoseok’s grip is strong, however, and he keeps you exactly where he thinks you ought to be.
“Hmm...”
He massages your arms one by one. The circular movements he traces across your skin are a lot more gentle this time around, and you allow yourself to slowly relax under his touch. He manipulates your body like one would a rag doll, pulling your arm over your head.
“Can you reach behind, towards your neck? How about a little lower? You should feel a stretch here.” He taps at an arm muscle.
“Yeah… I can definitely feel it.”
You suspect that Hoseok’s stunt as a Pilates instructor is what’s helping him sound so experienced and natural.
“Good.” He lets out a pleased hum. “Hold the position for as long as you can.”
His hands reach around your body to squeeze your perky breasts. You gasp at the rather rough way he handles your tits. Perhaps it’s because you’ve been told to forgo a bra, but you’re much more conscious of his every action - from the way his fingers splay out, cupping the fullness of your breasts between them, to the way he kneads your mounds with his entire palm as he gropes you from behind.
“How often do you masturbate?” he asks in an almost offhand manner, his tone is more clinical than casual. The question is crude and direct enough to distract you from the way his fingers encircle your nipples through the cotton fabric of your shirt.
You recall Ryu’s earlier directions: unlike your first movie together, this tryst is not romantic in nature. The scenario that you’re acting out this time doesn’t involve sweet kisses and whispered declarations of love. Feelings aren’t on the table.
You pretend like the bitter taste you swallow down isn’t disappointment.
“Um.” You struggle to remember the initial question. Luckily, your mental buffering comes off as bashful and true to the character you’re playing. “I, uh, I guess masturbate often?”
“But it isn’t enough, is it?”
His question comes off as slightly patronizing. Before you can formulate a suitable answer, Hoseok’s fingers tweak your hardened nipples and your back bows under the pressure. You oscillate between the desire to thrust your chest out in offering, and the pressing need to flee the sharp sensations his skilled hands provoke.
“I - um!” You squirm helplessly as he continues playing with your breasts. “It isn’t!”
“Just as I thought.” He pinches both of your nipples and pulls at them until you cry out in half-pain, half-pleasure. The thin material of your shirt doesn’t dull the ache; if anything, the cotton scratches your skin, rubbing the nubs raw.
Despite your very visible discomfort, Hoseok doesn’t let go. You can only sit there obediently while he has his fun, knowing that if you wiggle too much it’ll only worsen the pain.
“Ah!”
Only then does he release them. You fight against the urge to cover your sore nipples. Your flimsy shirt hadn’t provided any protection against his rough onslaught, none at all.
“You’re quite sensitive,” he observes, giving your breasts one last squeeze.
Finished with his appraisal, he steps away and picks his clipboard up. He makes his way around the massage table, coming back into view, and scribbles something onto the paper with a ballpoint pen. He looks so absorbed in his work that you almost fall for the act.  
You worry your bottom lip, crossing your arms over your chest self-consciously. Without a bra, your hardened nipples are clearly visible through the thin shirt. They jut out in a distracting way; Hoseok’s eyes drop down for a split-second in appreciation before flickering back to the clipboard in his hands.
“Your body is wound up. It’s tense in places it shouldn’t be.”
“Is that...a bad thing?”
“No. Your case is not abnormal.” He shakes his head and offers you a reassuring smile. “Although... Hm. When was the last time you achieved an an orgasm?”
You look away, mumbling your answer in an embarrassed voice. “Last night.”
More scribbling. He taps the end of the pen against his chin, pretending to be lost in thought.
His eyes glint when he asks, “How many times did you cum?”
It’s not real - none of this is - and yet you can feel warmth spreading from your cheeks down to your chest. It’s a strange sensation, stuck somewhere between humiliation and arousal, and it makes your entire body heat up from the inside out.
“Just - Just once…”
“Look at me.”
Your eyes snap towards his on command. He looks relaxed, unbothered, like he’s discussing the weather forecast and not your masturbation habits. You want to look away but something in his stare pins you in place.
“You’re telling me the truth, right?”
“Yes! I’m not - I wouldn’t lie.”
“Good.” He smiles pleasantly, nodding to himself. “So. You came once. Did you use your fingers? Or, perhaps, a toy?”
He’s still staring at you, forcing you to look him straight in the eyes while you confess your sins. Your thighs clench together and you struggle to focus on the conversation at hand.
“F-fingers.” Your breathing becomes ragged as you imagine Hoseok’s fingers replacing your imaginary ones. They’d fill you up nicely, too. Compared to your own, they’re longer, capable of reaching places yours can’t. All you’d have to do is hook your arms under your knees and keep your legs spread wide open. He doesn’t even need to take your clothes off; he could pull the seam of your shorts and underwear to the side and fuck you just like that. “I only used my fingers.”
He raises an eyebrow like he doesn’t quite believe you. Somehow, that makes the fire between your legs burn hotter. It’s like - he knows you’re too cockhungry to settle for just fingers. And if a mere stranger can tell how desperate you are to get fucked, what about the rest?
“Interesting.” Hoseok’s eyes darken by the minute. “And do you prefer clitoral stimulation to penetration?”
“I-” You pause and struggle to formulate your response. Your ears feel hot. In fact - your entire face feels like it’s on fire.
The embarrassment you feel doesn’t make sense - you’ve never had any qualms discussing sex. You can talk candidly about any topic for hours on end, from the condom brands you prefer to advice on how to maintain a rash-free pussy, to the point where some people might think you’re over-sharing or being too crass. Discussing intimate topics shouldn’t be a problem.
It’s not even a real dialogue anyway, so why do you -
“Yes?” Hoseok leans forward, interrupting your train of thought. The corner of his mouth is upturned, like he can’t help but be amused by your discomfiture.
“I like, um.” You close your eyes, hoping that it’ll somehow make the admission easier. It doesn’t. The darkness makes you feel even more exposed, like all your secrets are laid bare for him to see. Your voice quivers when you answer. “I - I touch - I mean, sometimes I’ll - my fingers aren’t long enough. So just rubbing the outside is - fine.”
“Ah. You like being stuffed full, I take it?” Hoseok’s vulgar vocabulary makes your eyes snap open in shock. He smirks, not expecting you to answer. “Poor girl.”
You shake your head, your reply dying in your throat. With every word he utters, your thoughts become fuzzy, muddled.
“What did you imagine last night while you were getting off? A stranger fucking your face? Big men taking turns using your cunt? Tell me. In detail, preferably.”
“I don’t see how-” The sharp look in his eyes makes you swallow down any protest. Still. You can’t get your mouth to work correctly and you look back at him helplessly.
“Is there a reason why you can’t tell me?” He tilts his head to the side, the smirk on his face growing, canines flashing. “Oh. I see.”
You flinch, your face impossibly hot.
“Were you thinking of today’s session?” He chuckles, delighted. “That’s quite naughty of you. Although, I can’t blame you, can I? We are known to deliver the best orgasma. It’s only natural to imagine what would happen.”
That’s right, you think. You’d spent all night fantasizing about a faceless, nameless stranger’s hands all over your naked body. How long had it been since you’d felt someone’s touch? Their tongue buried deep in your cunt, fucking you until your thighs trembled? Even your best dildo couldn’t hold a candle to a hot-blooded, throbbing cock.
Hoseok taps the pen against the clipboard, the staccato sound filling the silence.
“One last question.” He makes sure he has your undivided attention before continuing. “No need to look so worried. I won’t ask you what lewd thoughts you get off to, although maybe in future sessions I’ll expect that of you.”
You don’t linger on the implication there - that you’ll undoubtedly come back for seconds - and nod your assent for him to go on.
“Did you cum hard while thinking of getting fucked by me today?”
You inhale sharply, struggling to hold his stare. “I… The sheets were so wet afterwards, I had to change them.”
“I see.” He jots something down on his clipboard but his reaction doesn’t give anything away. Nervously, you pull on a loose string hanging from the hem of your short. “Hm…”
After a few seconds of silence he speaks up again, done with his assessment.
“Well, normally for first timers such as yourself we’d recommend starting with a more soothing body massage. But I think in your case a more thorough massage is needed. It’s not a cause for concern!” He adds quickly, as if to assuage any growing fears. “But in my professional opinion, I think the massage I have in mind for you might be more beneficial than the beginner level massage.”
“Um, what does this massage entail exactly?”
“We call it the full treatment. In other words - it’s a deep tissue penetration massage,” Hoseok explains calmly. “It includes an internal massage. We’ll use a variety of methods but rest assured - all techniques are tried and tested! You’ll be in safe hands.”
You pretend to mull it over.
Hoseok waits for your nod of confirmation before instructing, “There are towels at your disposal.” He motions to the pile of fluffy white towels folded neatly on the bench. “Feel free to use them. While you change into a...less restricting outfit, I’ll go retrieve the rest of the massage equipment. See you in a bit!”
And with that he’s gone. The privacy he grants you is, of course, just an illusion. Even without looking in their direction, you know that the cameras’ lenses are all focused on you, waiting to capture the impending striptease. You’d forgotten about them but Hoseok’s absence reminds you of their presence.
Per Director Ryu’s earlier instructions, you make a show of taking off your clothes. Teasing the camera comes naturally to you thanks to your prior experience as a cam girl; you know exactly which angles are the most flattering and which ones, on the other hand, emphasize your flaws.
Your back arches as you peel off your shirt, drawing attention to the swell of your breasts and the curve of your waist. Not long after do you shimmy out of your shorts, exaggerating the swing of your hips for the audience’s viewing pleasure. You try not to show your surprise when the dampness of your crotch sticks to your folds as you pull them down your legs - you hadn’t expected how much a simple tit massage and few exchanged words would rile you up.
The denim pools around your ankles and when you bend over to retrieve the useless item of clothing, you’re acutely aware of how your wet, waxed pussy peeks out from between your thighs. You stay in position, giving the camera ample time to zoom in, and while the stretch isn’t painful (thanks to your yoga lessons!), it is a rather awkward position to maintain.
Once you straighten up, you take a few seconds to fold up the shirt and itty bitty shorts before setting them aside. Normally, you’d leave your discarded clothing strewn about but you can’t imagine your character behaving in such an uncouth way.
With that thought in mind, you wrap yourself with a short towel. Rather than covering your intimate bits, it’s so short that it emphasizes your nakedness. When you go to sit on the massage table, the towel rides up, leaving you exposed and you have to fold your hands in your lap to preserve a semblance of modesty.
It’s easy to convey nervousness while you wait for Hoseok’s return. While you’ve never attended any drama school, you have watched plenty enough Netflix dramas to know which physical cues are more or less effective - constant fidgeting, shifty eyes, audible gulping. Since it’s your first time putting your knowledge into practice, you’re not certain how convincing your acting is, but hey, isn’t it the effort that counts? You’re not here to audition for the starring role in Hollywood’s next summer blockbuster, after all.
Hoseok knocks twice before entering, stopping your self-depreciation in its tracks. He’s abandoned the earlier clipboard for a large, nondescript, white cardboard box that rattles with every step he takes. It sounds more ominous than it actually is.
If Director Ryu is truly aiming for realism, he wouldn’t make Hoseok carry back the items in a fucking box, you think privately. Who even does that? Although you suppose realism isn’t the be-all end-all, no matter how much the director insists. Sometimes viewers like to be metaphorically edged and endlessly teased, and all this guessing only adds to the build-up, making the climax more than worth it. They could, of course, fast-forward to get to the juicy sex scenes, the crux of the matter, but you’d like to believe all this extra effort is worth it.
You blink curiously back at Hoseok, feigning ignorance.
“Oh good.” He beams in your direction, his eyes drinking in your scantily-clad figure. “Now that you’re more comfortable, please lie down for me.”
He sets the box to the side, opens the lid, and takes out a bottle of oil while you settle down on your stomach and carefully rearrange your towel so that it covers your bum.
“I’ve chosen bergamot essential oil for today’s massage. It’s a nice, citrus-like scent that’s not too overwhelming because it’s been mixed in with sweet almond oil. Its many virtues include, but are not limited to, increasing the body’s energy flow and enhancing feelings of joy and freshness.”
“That sounds lovely.” You sigh dreamily. Getting massaged and getting dicked down in one go? Hell yeah. That one is a no-brainer for sure.
There’s a shadow of a smirk on Hoseok’s face when he rounds on you, like he’s somehow privy to your thoughts. That, or your eagerness is too transparent. You’re betting on the latter.
His voice lowers an octave, the low timber making shivers run down your back.
“Shall we begin?”
He moves your hair to the side, leaving your neck and back exposed. He then pulls down your towel so that it uncovers the expanse of your back and covers more of your bottom half instead.
“Is this alright?” he inquires. As if testing the waters, his fingers trace down the line of your spine, stopping right before your lower back dips into a curve.
You moan your assent. “More than.”
Hoseok takes the bottle of oil and drizzles its contents over your skin like a painter splattering ink onto a blank canvas. He spreads the lubricant all over your back, rubbing your skin in circular motions until you’re coated with it. You let out a few pleased sounds here and there that are not entirely faked or exaggerated. He definitely knows what he’s doing with his hands.
Honestly, you feel sorry towards your co-star who’s stuck doing most of the work while you’re splayed out like a starfish. It feels a bit unfair that you’re getting paid more than him when he’s the one putting in most of the effort. Had you any shame, you’d give him half of your pay for his services. Alas.
“Tell me if it hurts anywhere,” he warns, not unkindly.
Your back stiffens. You expect Hoseok to replicate the rough treatment he’d inflicted to your breasts, but contrary to your expectations, he kneads your body gently, almost tenderly. The contrast between this touch and his earlier ministrations messes with your head. When his hands outline your flank, his fingers prodding the sides of your breasts, you swallow a hopeful sigh as you wait for him to envelop your soft mounds and roll your sensitive nipples between his skilled fingers.
Betrayal brews in your gut when he fails to indulge your fantasies. You’re tempted to grab his wrist and guide his hand to where you need it the most but you miraculously hold yourself back. Since the scene doesn’t call for that much impatience and desperation on your part, you’d hate to be the reason why Director Ryu asks for a re-take.
Thankfully, he soon puts you out of your misery. Hoseok retreats, done teasing the sides of your breasts for the time being. You’re not sure it’s relief or disappointment that swims in your lower belly, but Hoseok doesn’t give you time to dwell on the question. Almost as soon as he retracts his hands from your back, he redirects his attention to your legs. His hands, warm and slick from the oil, glide over the back of your calves and thighs with ease. His thumbs rub circular shapes into your flesh as he slowly works his way up, the pleasant sensations leaving your whole body boneless.
“You loosen up well.”
Hoseok’s fingers skirt the hem of the towel. Your breath gets caught in your throat as he toys with the fabric.
“Will you open up for me, pretty? You look tense right here.” He flips the towel up, revealing your bare lower half. He wastes no time before gripping the meat of your ass cheeks, fingers digging into the supple flesh. He spreads your cheeks apart, cool air blowing against your exposed holes, and lets them jiggle back into place after giving the camera ample time to capture the view. “Hm. Looks like you haven’t been properly stretched out in a long time... We’ll fix that today.”
Bolts of pleasure run through your body. The whole situation is ludicrous and yet, for whatever reason you cannot pinpoint, moisture gathers between your thighs with every passing second, adding to the mess dripping from your folds.
“Um, like this?” You part your legs open slightly, as if unsure. In situations like these, the biggest challenge is to act diffident and coy when all you want is for your co-star to blow your back out.
He tsks, the sound sharp and reproving. It goes straight to your core and makes your belly clench with unspeakable need.
“How am I supposed to fuck your holes open in that position?” He has the audacity to sound impatient. “Work with me here.”
He grabs your ankles and separates them himself, ignoring your yelp of surprise. Unaccustomed to the stretch, the muscles in your thighs strain with the effort to hold the position.
A whine slips out your mouth. He’s so mean.
While you expect Hoseok to act somewhat distant and objective because of the role he’s playing, his fluctuating behavior gives you nothing but whiplash. One moment he’s cordial and friendly, the epitome of what a  professional should be, the next he’s treating you like you’re his plaything, not his client.
His grip around your ankles is firm and unyielding. He’s got you spread impossibly wide, your legs dangling dangerously off the edge of the table with your waxed holes exposed for inspection.
“That’s good, just like that.” His hands let go of your ankles when he’s sure you won’t move from the position he’s steered you into. He strokes up your legs, the touch feather-light and fleeting. “Keep your legs spread wide. I want to see your cute little holes on display.”
His crude remarks make your body flush with heat.
Even if this is the sort of place that offers sexual gratification, Hoseok’s wording toes several lines. As his client, he should be focused on giving you pleasure, so why do his comments make it sound like you’re here for his entertainment instead?
Despite your character being fully aware of what type of establishment she’s visiting, you reckon Hoseok’s words are enough to make her squirm in embarrassment. There’s something filthy about the way he orders you around and bends you to his will. Even you’re not indifferent to the impersonal way he handles your body like a doll. Flickers of arousal lick up your spine, and with your legs extended so far apart, it’s not difficult for Hoseok to notice how much you’re wound up.
The position is far from proper. Hot streaks of humiliation burn through you when you imagine how easy and slutty you must seem to whoever is watching. You don’t dare move from the pose he’s maneuvered you into, not because you’re scared of the consequences, but because his presence demands obedience. Even without explicitly saying so, he’s made it clear that for the next hour or so, you’re his to toy with.
“Good girl. You open up so nicely.” Hoseok purrs, satisfied with your compliance. “Now let me see what I’m working with here.”
He swipes his index finger through your glossy folds, the action forcing you to stifle a startled gasp. It’s nothing like the erotic oil massage you’d experienced minutes prior. The touch is inquisitive, clinical, assessing. Like he’s testing out a new product before purchase.
You want to stay still but you’re so wound up from his incessant teasing. The slightest caress makes the hairs on the back of your nape stand straight. Hoseok is all too aware of this fact. The tip of his pointer finger comes in contact with your clit, the touch more delicate than a feather's caress. Hoseok watches with thinly veiled amusement as you jerk against the table.
“You really are sensitive,” he all but coos. “What a treat. Don’t need any oil when you’re leaking all over the table like a faucet. How long has it been since someone touched you here, hm?”
The teasing lilt in his voice borders on condescending. Heat simmers under the surface of your skin as you struggle to collect your thoughts.
“Eight months,” you squeak just as two of his fingers dip into your slicked up entrance.
“No wonder you’re all worked up.” He slides his digits right up to the knuckle, the glide so easy it’s embarrassing. “Needy holes like yours should be used more often.”
He fucks his fingers into your pussy one, two, three times, before pulling away, chuckling under his breath when your hips push back, greedy and desperate for more. Using the same hand he’d used to test out your cunt Hoseok slaps your ass once, the sharp sting making you still at once.
The damp mark on your ass is a testament to how fucking soaked you are. You can’t imagine what kind of mess the cameras are picking up on - but maybe you don’t have to.
Hoseok wipes his fingers off on you, using you to clean himself off. Although you can’t see anything because of the way you’re laying down, everything feels wet and filthy. He rubs your own juices onto your skin, reminding you of the intensity of your need.
And just when you don’t think his mouth can get any filthier, he proves you wrong.
“I can tell you haven’t been stretched recently,” he sighs, almost disappointed. “You’re just gagging for a pounding, aren’t you? It’s a shame your fuck-hole is too tight to take a big cock or I would have given it to you right away.”
Your lower body clenches as his words wash over you.
The idea sounds downright delicious. Hoseok is right. Even if it’s just for the sake of the storyline, there’s nothing more you want right now than a good, hard fucking. It would take him less than ten seconds for him to pull his hard cock out from his scrubs and make a home for himself between your thighs. Images flash through your mind of Hoseok’s hands on your breasts, in your hair, around your throat. You want him to cover you, smother you, as he forces you down against the table and takes his fill. You want his lips on your skin, hot and possessive, as he uses you like the cocksleeve he needs you to be.
God, you want that. You want to be used hard, to be fucked full until you break. You need this - your character needs this.
You whimper, high-pitched and needy. “Please. Please, I want it. I want - I want your cock.”
“I’m sure you do.” Hoseok all but scoffs. “Why don’t you just sit still and relax for me? I’m going to massage you until you’re nice and loose, alright? First-timers like you could get hurt if they’re not prepped properly but I’ll get you ready, don’t worry. By the end of this, you’ll be able to take big cocks in all your holes like a pro.”
“Shit.”
You bite back a moan, startled at how much you’re turned on.
Porn dialogue is rarely arousing. You’re the first to tune out your partner whenever they talk for longer than a minute. It’s because you hear the same exact shitty lines repeated so often that you’re half-convinced there’s a porn acting for dummies handbook being circulated around.
Although… Maybe if Hoseok’s lines had been delivered by someone else, they wouldn’t have the same effect on you. That’s the difference, you think to yourself. Hoseok’s delivery. The cockiness that infuses his every word, the way he confidently carries himself… He does it all so convincingly - nothing like the wooden and awkward memorized performances you’ve witnessed from fellow actors.
While you’re lost in thought, Hoseok rummages inside the cardboard box. Without his touch or words to distract you, it’s harder to ignore the building arousal between your legs. As the seconds tick by, your shameful desire only worsens.
Before you can crane your neck or voice your confusion, Hoseok returns, humming under his breath.
“We’re gonna try a different massage technique now. This method will help with lubrication,” he explains evenly. “I’ll use a special vibrating tool that will massage hard to reach areas.”
“Um…” You swallow, blinking rapidly. “Okay.”
“It’s not as scary as it sounds. We’ll start off slow and I’ll gradually up the intensity once I deem you ready for the next stage. How does that sound?”
A click, followed by a low buzzing, fills the room.
You gasp when the vibrating object comes in contact with the back of your knee. Hoseok’s free hand settles on your leg - a nonverbal reminder to keep your legs wide open for him as well as the cameras.
“See? Nice and easy. Nothing to be scared of.”
He rotates the tool in slow, even circles. You force yourself to relax and accept the foreign massage, disregarding how strange it feels to have small vibrations travel up and down your leg. After a few minutes of him repeating the same motions on your other leg, he slowly makes his way up your thighs, the rounded tip of the tool dangerously close to your drenched pussy.
A pleading whine reverberates in your chest. The electric whirring of the vibrator is not enough to soothe the burning between your thighs. If anything, it makes it worse. You need more, you think urgently.
Hoseok moves to the side of the table so that the cameras can get an unobstructed view of your clenching hole. It’s the first time you’ve seen his face since he made you lie down. From his voice alone, it’s impossible to tell how affected he is. More than once you’d caught yourself wondering… Does he like what he sees? Is he enjoying himself?
A dark streak of satisfaction crosses over you when you notice the hunger in his gaze, his pupils blown so wide his brown eyes look black. Drool pools in your mouth when you spot the sizable tent in his scrubs.
The fact that you’re at the perfect height to suck his dick doesn’t slip by you. He could flip you over onto your back, your head hanging off the table, and use your mouth to his heart’s content. You whimper at the thought of him fucking your face, your mouth reduced to a fleshlight for him to get off. You could probably cum like that - his cock buried deep in your throat, his fingers pressed against the side of your neck to you struggle around his length, while his other hand reaches down to grab at your breast, using it as an anchor to fuck into you harder.
“Shit, you’re really making a mess of my work table.”
Hoseok’s gaze is trained between your legs. He wets his lips and adjusts his hold on the vibrator. The sudden movement changes the angle, positioning the tool right over your dripping entrance, closer than ever to your swollen clit. The vibrations suddenly feel louder and stronger than before. If this keeps up, you reckon that it won’t be long before you’re hurtling towards the edge of a precipice.
A moan slips past your parted lips, loud and wanton. Embarrassed by the sheer need that colors your voice, you quickly shut your mouth closed, hoping that your desperation goes by unnoticed.
Hoseok chuckles, the sound sharp and mean. He comments on your obscene behavior, how you’re acting so slutty it’s a wonder you’d kept this side of you locked away for this long without people suspecting your love for cock. Every word infiltrates your mind, leaves no corners untainted, until all you can think and breathe and smell is him.
“Over the years, I’ve seen a lot of sluts parade in here and pay for my time,” he says, his dulcet tone making the degradation sweeter. You hang onto each and every word, letting yourself fall deeper into a haze of arousal and submission. “But it’s been a while since someone like you showed up. Just look at this… Your little fuck-hole can’t even take a bit of teasing without getting me dirty.”
The buzzing between your thighs switches back and forth between strong pulses and rapid, little vibrations. You keen, shaking from head to toe in pleasure. Your thighs are wet, sticky with your juices, and your clit is hard and aching for attention.
You don’t even want to know what state your sopping pussy is in. Every time your body jerks and trembles, you feel the pool of arousal that’s gathered underneath you. It’s - embarrassing. That you’re this soaked and close to cumming when he hasn’t even touched your clit or fucked you with his cock.  
In the midst of your pleasure-induced haze, your eyes meet his. The lines of his face are drawn into a smug expression, his gaze smoldering. Embers of arousal light up his dark eyes, and you can only stare back at him, clit throbbing, as he ups the intensity of the vibrations.
“Fuck! Oh God, oh I’m-” Your legs thrash, hips lifting off the table in an effort to escape the shocks of pleasure zapping throughout your body. Mercifully - or not, depending on how you looked at it - Hoseok brought the vibrations down a few settings, until the whirring had quieted down to a low thrum.
“Feeling good, huh?” The grin he sends your way is positively wicked. “I think you’re ready to take more.”
More? you think weakly. Any more and you’ll explode, like popcorn kernels in a microwave.
For a second you think he’ll bring the vibrator up to your clit. Maybe even slide the long, phallic-shaped vibrator inside your pussy so that it’ll stretch you out like he’d promised. What you don’t expect is for him to bring it down to your other hole, the powerful vibrations rattling you to the core.
Your surprised gasp is so loud, not even the buzzing of the toy drowns it out. Hoseok places his available hand on your left hip and pins you to the table, the gentle weight keeping you steady.
“That’s right,” he soothes, voice smooth like silk. It sounds patronizing, almost like he’s calming down a dog startled by thunder or explaining right from wrong to a small child.
“Um.” You let trepidation inch its way into your voice. “You - what are you doing? That’s not - that’s dirty.”
“What is?”
“My,” you pause, humiliation coiling tightly around your spine. Hoseok presses the toy harder around your rim, its coat of arousal making the tip slide over your sensitive skin. You’re tempted not to answer but you know Hoseok wants you to voice the dirty words. “My asshole. It’s - dirty. Please - I… I don’t think you should touch it. It’s not right.”
You mumble the end of your sentence like you’re embarrassed to say such a scandalous thing out loud.
Hoseok laughs, sounding both mocking and endeared. “Oh, sweetheart. Didn’t you hear what I said earlier? I’m going to loosen up all your holes. Because that’s what you’ve always wanted deep down, isn’t it? To service cock. Even if it means letting me play with this dirty hole of yours.”
The vibrations intensify with the click of a button. Your whole body spasms, limbs flailing pathetically as the sensations run down your back all the way to the tip of your toes.
You bite down a whimper. How does he know? How can he tell? All you want right now is a nice, hard cock buried inside of you - and at this point you don’t care which orifice he sticks in it. You’re just so - empty. So empty it physically aches.
Hoseok dials down the intensity of the vibrator and with his free hand, squeezes a copious amount of oil onto the toy, slicking it up.
Surprisingly he doesn’t bother prepping you with his fingers before easing the toy into your back entrance. From your position, you can’t tell if Director Ryu signaled to hurry things along or if his own impatience played a part. Either way, your sharp intake of breath is genuine.
You try your best to relax your muscles but the toy is thicker than expected, its sides bumpy and ribbed. Even though you’d stretched yourself out beforehand with a sizable dildo, the girth of the toy still makes your breath hitch. Your bottom lip hurts as you scrape your teeth over it.
“Relax for me. That’s it.” Hoseok whispers soft words of encouragement. “You’re doing such a good job.”
Finally, after what seems like light years, the toy is fully inserted, only the base of it peeking out from between your parted cheeks. You feel full, deliciously so. It’s only now with the weight of the toy inside of you that you realize how much you’d missed being stuffed to the brim.
“There you go.” Hoseok smacks your right ass cheek hard enough for the sting to go straight to your clit. “How does that feel?”
“Full.” You smack your lips together. Eloquence is not your strongest suit in the present moment and your lack of coherency only humiliates you further. It’s like he’s rendered you cock-dumb. Reduced you to a lust-driven creature that only has dick on the brain. “I feel good.”
“Of course you’d enjoy that.” The cockiness in his voice is undeniable, like he’s drunk off the power he has over you. “Needy sluts like you only care about getting filled up, huh?”
It sounds like a rhetorical question but you answer it anyway, just in case he wanted an answer.
“Yes! I’m a needy slut. Please - could you…?” You wriggle your hips, trying to entice him into action. The rocking motion jostles the toy nestled inside of you, causing you to choke out a moan. “Hng! Use my pussy this time, please?”
Hoseok clucks his tongue and slaps your ass again to keep you still. It moves the lodged vibrator, knocking it against a spot inside of you that makes you gush. Your pussy clenches up in an imitation of an orgasm - but you know from experience that you haven’t cum just yet.
Fuck. You’re so fucked and he hasn’t even given you his cock.
Your head thumps down against the table as you take in deep, steadying breaths. You can’t think straight; every thought seems clouded by a dense smog of lust. Your body feels like a live wire, all your nerve endings crackling with electricity. How much more can you endure before you shatter beyond repair?
Hoseok takes pity on you. “The vibrating massage should have helped your muscles relax. Your tight cunt should be able to fit this in by now.”
He slides another silicone toy into your pussy, this one wider and longer than the first. Your hands grapple for purchase as your body accommodates both toys, one in each hole. You’re so wet that there’s no resistance despite its impressive size and you suck in a breath as Hoseok keeps pushing it in, inch by interminable inch.
If you thought you felt full before, it’s nothing compared to how stretched you feel now. The wall separating the two toys is stretched thin and when you tense your abdomen, you can feel both of them nudge against one another. Your stomach feels - bloated. As if there’s a bulge where the toys are nestled deep inside of you.
It’s quite frankly obscene.
You’ve never felt more turned on.
“Whoa.” He grips both of your legs and widens them even further, displaying your stuffed holes for the cameras. “Your hungry cunt ate up my biggest dildo like it was nothing.”
The fact that he admitted it was a dildo - and not some vibrating tool - just adds to your mortification.
“Okay. Two holes down, one to go.”
He releases his hold on your legs and raises a brow at you. The smirk is back on his face and that, paired with the ravenous look in his eyes, makes you want to run and hide. He looks like he’s two seconds away from devouring you whole for dinner. “Why don’t you turn around for me? It wouldn’t be a full body massage if I didn’t rub down the other side, right?”
His chuckle spurs you into action. It’s not that you’re not embarrassed by the idea of baring yourself completely for him like some sort of cult offering, but the need to get dicked down trumps all.
Your mind feels fuzzy and your body sluggish. There’s a fire inside of you that not even double penetration has managed to extinguish and it roars to life as you manœuvre into the position he’s ordered you to get into. The toys jostle inside of you, reminding you of the depraved lengths you’d go to because you’re starving for cock.
He’s right about you, you think as you settle onto your back. You’re a needy slut. All you want is for your holes to be filled. And when they’re empty, your body aches with the need to fill them back up again. Toys will do but they’re a poor substitute for what you really want.
Thankfully, Hoseok’s own patience is running out. You’ve barely gotten into a comfortable position when he’s fishing out his cock from his scrubs, not even bothering to remove his clothes.
Drool pools into your mouth at the sight. He’s just as long as you remembered him to be. Not too thick or veiny, but prettily flushed and glistening with translucent precum. How long has he been hard? The erection looks painful. Distantly, you’re comforted by the knowledge that you haven’t been the only one suffering from this prolonged foreplay. God is fair, you rejoice internally. 
Your mouth opens of its own accord and your tongue lolls out, hungry.
Hoseok doesn’t comment on your pathetic state -  a testament to how worked up he probably is. He guides his cock into your waiting mouth with barely repressed urgency.
His cock is heavy on your tongue, the perfect weight. He pushes in until he can’t go any further, the position you’re in giving him better access to your throat. You fucking love it.
When you swallow around his length, he hisses between his teeth. “Shit.”
He gives you little time to adjust. As soon as he’s certain you can take it, he starts to thrust his hips. His cock drags across the rough surface of your tongue as it’s pushed and pulled out of your mouth at a rapid pace. Each thrust of his hips makes you gag, drool running down the sides of your face, and the obscene sounds of your choking echo in your ears.
The rough treatment should revolt you, make you squirm or shy away, but you’ve never felt more alive. Your mind feels pleasantly blank - like your sole purpose in life is to be a glorified cum bucket, a receptacle for his cock and cum. Even when he buries himself all the way to the hilt, so far down your throat it feels like he’s reached your stomach, you’re eager for more. Logically speaking you don’t even know if you can handle more, don’t have the mental faculty to figure out if more is physically possible, but your body knows that it’ll never be sated, not fully, not until he cums inside you.
“Greedy girl,” he rasps between heavy breaths. “Look at you… I’ve plugged up three of your holes but you’re still gagging for it, aren’t you? Filthy slut.”
His words are meant to degrade and humiliate you. Instead of disgust, you can hear the admiration ring in his voice. His awe satisfies you and you hollow your cheeks, suctioning around his girth just to hear him curse under his breath. You live for the way his hips stutter and how his deep breathing is interspersed by the occasional grunt or moan. It feels good to know that you’re bringing him pleasure, that your hole is satisfactory.
Hoseok reaches over your body and grabs something from the discarded cardboard box you can’t see. You soon find out what it is though - the oil is drizzled over your torso and chest, liquid spilling down the sides of your body. He throws the bottle to the side, more interested in spreading the lubricant over your tits until they’re slick and shiny.
It soon becomes clear that he’s abandoned his earlier massage techniques in favor of a more rushed treatment. Gone is the slow build-up. He rubs your breasts, grabbing and squeezing them like stress balls, and pinches your hard nipples tightly between his fingers, pulling them out until your back arches.
The next time he slams his erect length into your mouth, your breasts bounce from the force of the thrust. Hoseok’s eyes remain transfixed on the lewd way your breasts jiggle; because he keeps your nipples clamped tightly between his fingers, your tits have no other choice but to swing around every time he rocks his hips back and forth.
Every time you gag and choke on his cock, tears prickling your eyes, you feel the fire between your legs grow stronger. Shame and arousal course through you, your head dizzy with lust. You can’t move, can’t scream, all of your moans of pleasure muffled by the cock buried in your throat.
He laughs derisively, pulling out after a particularly hard thrust. A string of saliva connects your mouth to his cock and your eyes zero in on it, finding it impossible to look away.
“You slut.”
He makes a disapproving noise low in his throat before slapping you across the face with his cock.
It doesn’t hurt anywhere as much as a real slap but it’s so unexpected you gasp, your jaw throbbing in pain. The imprint of his cock is wet and dirty against your cheek. He keeps his cock hanging a few centimeters above your face. It taunts you, beckons you closer. The seam of your mouth stays wide open, your appetite evidently knowing no limits.  
“Heh. You’re really something… Never seen a whore so cock-hungry in my life. And trust me when I say I’ve seen plenty.” He sneers, walking away.
For a long second, you fear he’s gone and left you high and dry and that the scene will end like that. Except - no. He’s positioned himself at the other side of the massage table. You shudder as you realize that can only mean one thing : he’s going to grant you the fucking your body craves. 
Hoseok’s lips twitch into a knowing half-smile. He grips his stiff cock in one hand, the length of it soaked with your spit and precum.
You gulp, suddenly intimidated. Perhaps it’s the angle, but he looks taller than you remember him to be, bigger, his shoulders slightly broader. His cock looks more imposing, too. Despite just having choked on it, it’s long; his hand sits loosely at the base of his cock, leaving a few good inches poking out of his fist. Your mouth goes dry, your insatiable hunger reawakened. 
The impatience marring your features is probably disgustingly obvious because Hoseok makes another comment about how desperate and pathetic you look once you’re deprived of cock.
Using his left hand, he slowly removes the toy from your ass. The slide is painful because you’re clenching so hard down on it, unwilling for your hole to become empty once again.
A whimper escapes your parted lips. Hoseok laughs at the betrayed look that crosses your face at the loss of the thick dildo.
“So fuckin’ greedy.” He slaps your entrance with his cock, his grin wolfish as you wail in reply. “Stay still if you want my cock.”
Immediately you freeze, taking his words to heart. Deep down, you know that he won’t be that cruel but you’re so exhausted from the never-ending teasing, that you’re not willing to take any chances.
Hoseok holds up one of your legs and pushes it over his shoulder.
“Good girl.” He breaches your ass, both of you moaning as his cock works its way inside of you. It’s a tight fit; you can feel his cock bump into the vibrating dildo in your pussy, the feeling overwhelming you. He grunts, fingertips bruising your skin as he hold back from cumming too quickly. 
His hips work up a steady rhythm, the both of you already so close to finishing. You know that a lesser man would have cum ages ago, but Hoseok troops on, eyebrows creased in concentration. He looks - hot. Ridiculously hot, even in that dumb fake masseuse uniform.
His once perfectly combed hair is now disheveled, strands of hair falling over his eyes and dripping brow. There’s something about all of it - the wild glint in his eyes, the rough way he’s fucking you, the domineering aura that he exudes - that makes you absolutely lose it.
You clench up on his cock without warning, your insides squeezing around him even more tightly because of the toy still lodged in your dripping cunt. The orgasm rips through you, fast and hard, leaving your thighs soaking. Hoseok fucks you through it, his cock relentless, drawing your pleasure out until your body goes limp. 
It’s the kind of orgasm that on a normal day you could only hope to achieve.
Except Hoseok doesn’t stop to let you rest or take a breather. He brings your other leg over his shoulder, testing the limits of your flexibility, and uses the new angle to plow into you with renewed force.
“Ah - ah fuck wait!” You cry out, overwhelmed by the onslaught of sensations traveling through your body. “Oh my God, oh shit! You’re so fucking deep, ah!”
Hoseok chooses that moment to turn on the vibrating dildo. He doesn’t even start at the lowest setting, sets it straight to one of the higher level ones, and your whole body jumps. Both of you moan as the toy comes to life. The vibrations rattle your insides - and that, coupled with the fat cock that’s splitting you open relentlessly, threaten to rearrange your insides.
Arousal builds again quickly inside of you, pulsing steadily alongside your heartbeat.
You feel so fucking full you think it’s possible you’ll burst. Before, when you had both toys buried inside of you, the stretch and the fullness had been pleasant. You had even been able to tune it out for the most part once you’d got used to it.
But with the way Hoseok is now fucking into you with reckless abandon, it’s impossible not to be reminded of how stuffed your holes are. Every thrust of his cock in your ass bumps against the vibrator, pushing it harder against your bundle of nerves. 
“I knew the minute I saw you,” he growls, his pace punishing. “No bra, pussy ripe for the picking. Whores like you could never be satisfied with the beginner massage. No, I knew exactly what you needed.”
He adjusts his grip on your ankles and the change in angle keeps the vibrator pressed directly the sensitive bundle of nerves inside of you.
“Fuck! Oh God, there there! Please, keep going. It’s so good. Fuck me!” You chant, out of your mind with pleasure.Your words are raw, unrefined, and in any other circumstance, you’d laugh at how ridiculous you sound.
“You’re so fucking loud,” he hisses between grunts of pleasure. “Why don’t you go ahead and cum for me. Make yourself useful and tighten up this hole of yours so I can feel good.”
He reaches down between your legs and fiddles with the switch.
You scream. Your eyes roll back and your entire body locks up. Intense pleasure that you’ve never experienced before thunders through your body. If your previous orgasm was like a building wave crashing to the shore at long last, this one is a fucking tornado determined to rip you to pieces.
Maybe you might’ve passed out. You don’t know. But when you regain consciousness, Hoseok’s cock is pulsing jet after jet of hot cum inside of your pussy. You feel it spurt inside of you, coating your already slick walls with his essence. 
He pulls out quickly so that the camera can zoom in on the way the cum oozes out of you in thick globs. Instinctively you clench your walls to keep more from leaking out, but it only pushes more of the mess out, painting your inner thighs white.
When you glance up at him you notice his shirt is soaked. There’s a huge dark spot that starts from his chest to his pants. He doesn’t seem to mind the stain.
“You came so hard you passed out,” he informs you while tucking his spent cock back inside his scrubs. “I came inside of you while you were out of it but I figured you wouldn’t mind. That’s what you came here for, right?”
The smile he shoots your way looks more like a smirk. You bite your lip. He must’ve taken out the dildo - or it might’ve gotten pushed out during your orgasm, you don’t know - and you feel your holes gape a little after being stretched and used for so long. You’re tempted to snap your legs shut but you know the cameras need to record your debauchery.
“I’ll let you change. You can meet me out front to schedule your next appointment. Hm let’s see… Considering how well you reacted during this session I think we’ll have to take more, hm, drastic measures next time. I’m curious to see how far your greedy cunt is able to stretch with enough incentive. I’m positive that with you anything is possible. We’ll try fitting two cocks insides for starters and maybe - ah. I’m getting carried away.” He chuckles. “Anyways, meet me at the counter in ten minutes and we can go over the details then.”
“I…” You wet your lips. “I’d like that.”
A silence ensues and for a second you think your acting was bad or you’d said the wrong thing.
“CUT! And that, my friends, is what you call art!” yells Director Ryu, clapping his hands like a seal.
You breathe out a sigh of relief and sit up despite your muscles protesting loudly. God, your ass feels sore. Hoseok had really done a number on you.
“Hey, are you all good?” He asks, drawing closer to you in concern. He must have seen your grimace.
“Oh! Yeah, I’m fine. Thanks for asking. It’s just - it was kind of intense. In a good way! I’ll probably be sore later but that’s because I’m not used to these kind of scenes yet.”
“You were really hot. I couldn’t tell this was your first anal scene at all.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Really.” Hoseok sighs dreamily. “I think I saw Jesus when I came.”
“What?” You bring a hand to your mouth to muffle your laughter. “It was a good nut, I take it?”
“The best.” He looks over at you, dimples on his cheek as he returns your smile. “I blacked out for a second and went to heaven.”
You bask in the afterglow for a few minutes longer than you usually would. Hoseok makes no move to leave either, even if logic dictates that you’re both better off washing up instead of letting the mixture of sweat, cum, and oil dry on your skin. You know from experience that it’s hard as fuck to clean up once it hardens - not to mention it stinks.
“Babe!”
You’re roused from your peaceful state of mind as your boyfriend approaches. He’s smiling but one side of his mouth looks stiff. He hands you a towel, eyes trailing down your figure, and suddenly you feel self-conscious. You hurriedly wrap the fluffy material around you, eager to hide the cum still dripping out of your swollen cunt and the red marks littered over your body from Hoseok’s rough treatment.
It’s not - you’re not ashamed. You never are. It’s just - you don’t want to hurt Jimin. Even if it does come with the job, it can’t be easy for him to see his girlfriend getting fucked by someone else.
“That was so good! You did great. The camera really loves you. I can’t wait to see how the final cut turns out,” Jimin compliments and you preen despite yourself, conditioned to suck up praise. “Are you hungry?”
Just on cue your stomach lets out a grumble.
Jimin’s eyes crease into crescents as he smiles. “I knew it. You’re always famished after a scene. It’s a good thing I booked a reservation at our favorite restaurant, right?”
You nod, thankful yet again that you have such a caring and thoughtful boyfriend. “I’m famished now that you mention it.”
Hoseok observes the exchange silently and his presence makes you embarrassed for some reason. Maybe not embarrassed but - something. You can’t put a name to the emotion.
“Um, I’ll see you around?” You say as you gather to your feet. Jimin is instantly by your side, his hand wrapping around yours tightly. “It was nice working with you again! Thank you for your hard work.”
Hoseok’s lips quirk into a half-smile. He’s still eyeing the both of you in a strange, intense kind of way and the scrutiny makes you fidgety. You try not to make your desire to flee the scene too transparent.
“It’s always a pleasure. I look forward to working with you again.”
The words he utters are tactful and diplomatic - nothing like the carefree familiarity he’d showcased minutes prior. You don’t blame him, given the circumstances.
You shoot him an apologetic look as you turn away to leave. To your relief, Hoseok doesn’t appear dejected or offended. Just - curious, maybe? Pensive? Like he’s in the middle of solving a complicated and intricate puzzle and that puzzle involves you.
The idea scares you. Mostly because you yourself don’t know what he’ll find.
As soon as you’ve rounded the corner, Jimin excuses himself. “I have to finish helping the guys. There’s still some equipment to put away. But we’ll meet out in the back like last time?”
“Sure.”
He kisses your cheek and scampers away.
Seokjin is waiting for you in the next room over. He’s holding a water bottle, your favorite silk robe, and a dark chocolate energy bar. You’re so sweaty that it feels silly to wear the robe but you shrug it on anyway, knowing that Jimin will feel better if you’re not parading around the set naked.
Your stomach rumbles loudly and it’s only then that you realize the extent of how fucking hungry you are. Non-stop sex sure is tiring, you note while ripping open the energy bar with your teeth. Seokjin calls you a savage under his breath but those types of comments are so commonplace that it’s easy to tune him out.
“God, I could kiss you right now,” you say after swallowing down a mouthful of granola. After eating spinach exclusively for the past three days, the sweetness on your tongue tastes like a slice of heaven.
“Not with that mouth, you won’t.” Seokjin narrows his eyes. “I know where it’s been.”
Still high from your mind-shattering orgasm, you giggle and pretend to kiss him just to watch him squirm. It’s not until much later, after you’d washed up as best you could with the help of baby wipes, that you check your phone. You respond to a text or two before finally checking your social media page out of habit more so than anything else.
.
(2) new notifications
JHOPE94 has followed you!
JHOPE94 has mentioned you in their story.
.
It’s the same account Hoseok had shown you earlier in the day. You follow him without much thought, grinning to yourself when you read his bio “hope on streets and in the sheets ;)”, and click on his Instagram story.
You’re surprised to learn he’s one of those people who uploads multiple pictures about just about anything - his Starbucks’ coffee cup with JAY written in black sharpie, several mirror selfies, a snapshot of his shoes, pictures of the film crew setting up the scene. You click through the pictures, a little flummoxed by the random collage, and pause when you get to the picture you’d been tagged in.
It’s you. Squinting, you realize that he must have taken the candid picture in passing. You’re sitting in the hair and makeup chair, the makeup artist applying a layer of gloss on your lips. The row of lights that border all around the vanity mirror give your figure a halo spotlight effect.
JHOPE94 : not in heaven but i saw an angel today :))
.
.
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fastcarsfasthearts · 3 years ago
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Oh, another deeply personal post, yay! So, this morning I put on my new running shoes, my new men’s running shorts, put earbuds in my ears with a rock playlist of 170-180 bpm songs and got on a run...
...for the first time in over 2 years.
In 2018 and 2019 depression slowly took so many things away from me: it took away my joy and motivation in doing things I used to love, it took away most of my friends (except a few, who are the most amazing persons in the world and who never gave up on me), it took away my sleep, it took away my ability to draw (which is a primary need for me, like eating or breathing)... and it also took away any motivation I had left to take good care of my body and to keep it active and trained. 
I hated my stupid body and I didn’t have any kind of energy left in myself, not physical nor mental... so why should have I spent any of my very dainty energy left in a useless effort to take care of it? Two whole years passed like this. Meanwhile quarantine made me grow even more conscious of myself and what I don’t like about myself and my body... meanwhile the level of gender envy I started experiencing towards certain men grew exponentially.
So, a couple of weeks ago I told myself: “Ok, I’m done feeling all this unbearable gender envy for Daniel. I have to do something about it. I used to be an athlete and have a well trained body. I used to look more masculine and the only reason I felt uncomfortable about it was bc society made me feel wrong for not performing femininity as I was supposed to, since I’m afab. I used to feel wrong for liking having muscular legs and broad shoulders. But not anymore. I want to regain my muscles and try to be more me. I’ve got nothing to lose, anyway.” SO! I bought some equipment to start training at home and rebuild some decent muscles on my body. And I actually started! Dan’s victory from last Sunday left me emotionally overwhelmed. Not only bc he’s my fav driver (together with Max), but also bc seeing him struggle during this whole season made me empathize and project a lot more on him. Bc everybody were saying that he was struggling too much and that his career was probably finished. He proved everybody wrong. And he did it spectacularly.
This aussie, all smiles and sunshine on the outside and struggles and pain on the inside, gives me a lot of hope. Everybody thought he was a failure but he’s not. We’re also almost the same age, and that’s probably another reason why I empathize with him so much
I want to try and get back on my feet and prove everybody wrong too. And it’s mainly thanks to him that I was finally able to find the motivation to actually start doing something about it. And starting taking care of myself a little more. And working towards being a version of myself that feels more ME.
I’m just at the start and I have a very long road to travel. But I’m glad I finally found the strength and motivation to start. 
For anybody thinking F1 is just a stupid meaningless sport consisting in 20 men running in circles on very fast cars: I personally found out that it’s so much more than just that. 
At least it means so much more to me.
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perhapsthanatos · 4 years ago
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10:32 pm with yuta ♡
nct’s yuta x fem!reader (got inspired by a dream of mine & found the idea really cute)
alternate title: be the james dean to my audrey hepburn
genre: fluff. a pinch of angst. non idol au. badboy!yuta au.
word count: 1400~
playlist: chinatown by wild nothing, lover’s rock by tv girl & work this time by king gizzard and the lizard wizard.
warnings: featuring johnny (not a warning though). smoking cigarettes. cursing. lowercase intended. not proofread.
a/n: hi i was supposed to post a vampire!haechan fic but i really wasnt happy w it in general :( the plot or overall idea of the fic was really good, but i just felt as if i didnt do it justice so here we are :( but ngl, i kind of like this concept more? maybe bc i can see it more vividly? idk, i feel like my writings r getting repetitive & its getting on my nerves lmaoo this is getting long im sorry do u guys even read this part anyway? i would also like to apologize abt the amount of projecting im doing lmao ive been having some rough days & i love my sister but hate being compared to her so often so this is a way for me to rant abt it ig? also so sorry its coming out a little later bc i woke up late today (& procrastinated for the rest of it so here i am posting really late at night) & decided to go to the convenience store to get ice cream (& a ton of other bad shit pls dont do this its rlly unhealthy) for breakfast bc i can :) any who, enjoy lovelies <3
“oh my, y/n! you’ve grown up so well! just like your sister!”
“oh! i’m sorry i’ve almost mistaken you for your sister! y/n is your name, correct?”
“y/n, darling, you are looking so dashing! you really do resemble your sister, don’t you?”
“ah, you must be y/n! i’ve heard all about you and your sister from your father!”
you swear that your reddening cheeks are threatening to fall off any moment now from all the fake smiling. the hundreds of superficial compliments, the insincere flattery and the need for these people to constantly compare you to your godforsaken sister makes you feel even weaker than you are. it gets harder and harder to keep up with a big persona that isn’t at all you. as lucky as you are to live such a lavish lifestyle, you can’t help but hate how your family has to be so perfect. you hate how you have never fit in with them, even if you are so good at faking it. you hate how you have always been stuck in your sister’s shadow, constantly haunted with the reminder that you yourself aren’t good enough. you hate how you now have to entertain the rich and brainless guests at your parent’s gala because she’s gone for some stupid prodigy competition and everyone is only talking about her in front of your face. so what if she’s better the better sister? you still have the right to earn respect, right?
you’re exhausted from all the small talk. your facade gets more brittle by the second under all the pressure. your body feels as if it's gonna give out due to your brain shutting down after all that interacting. you try to keep on going with the night as it unravels itself by being the perfectly poised poster child, trying to make your parents proud. but alive yet almost completely devoid, you decide enough was enough. what if you left right now? no one would notice, would they?
after pulling up your phone discreetly to send a few text messages, you pass through lots of people dressed in gold and finery in a way that wouldn’t have you noticed right away. keep your head down and don’t you dare make eye contact with anyone. nearing the end of the room, grabbing the first glass of whatever alcohol you see and downing it in one gulp, you start walking away as quickly as possible from the ballroom. “ignorant privileged fucks,” you angrily whisper to no one in particular, setting the now empty glass on whatever surface and begin to head to the main exit where no one could spot you running away.
“and what do you think you’re doing here, miss?”
a voice interrupts you, looking up you see that it is your father’s head butler; johnny. he is dressed in a simple black suit that makes him appear taller than he is. his long brown hair is slicked back and his bowtie seems brand new. you have known the man since he started working in your household less than ten years back. you were a reckless child, often trying to find ways to sneak out, finding a way to escape from this life and he sympathized with you. after all, he could barely imagine living your life, never catching a break for yourself and always pretending to be someone you weren’t. he often helped planning when you would sneak out into the night, scheduling things like what time you should leave and what time you should be back, more specifically a time when no one would notice. he would take care of your form of transportation and have your location on at all times, just to be extra safe. as much as he wants you to have fun and have a bit of freedom, he still worries that something might happen to you. because of all this, you two have grown to have a very strong bond. you could confidently say that he is most definitely a parental figure in your life since your parents (and even your sister) are often overseas for work.
“what do you think i’m doing? you think i wanna be in a room with those half-baked bipeds? fuck no!”
“i know, i was just joking. you looked like you were about to explode in there, i wish i could help.” he laughs, pulling out his phone preparing what you might need. “so what will it be for today? the driver? we just need to pay him to keep his mouth shut. a taxi? it’s cheaper than paying the driver, but you still need to pay… not like that’s a problem for you though. maybe an uber would be good enough—“
“actually, i got myself covered. thanks.”
his jaw slightly drops and his eyebrows furrow. he looks straight at you in shock. “what do you mean you got yourself covered?”
you look down at your feet, a nervous habit. “i got myself a ride, you don’t need to help me. i’ll be back as soon as dawn comes.”
he raises his eyebrow. “who’s your ride?”
“doesn’t matter,” you glance down at your phone seeing a notification and wave a goodbye, leaving rather suddenly. “i gotta go, i’ll text you when you need to open the gates!”
“y/n! wait! who’s your ride— and she’s gone.” johnny sighs, watching as you run towards the front gates, tossing your stiletto heels away on the grass while you’re at it. he heads back inside, silently hoping you’ll be fine.
knocking the window of the old black mustang parked outside behind the big bushes, the driver rolls down his window and sends the most charming smile.
yuta in his black beanie, long blonde hair, worn out doc martens, signature leather jacket and black skinny jeans. it almost makes you laugh on how he wears the same thing almost everyday but still manages to look so good.
he is most notable for having a big bad boy reputation and you knew that he was the breath of fresh air you needed in your life. a person who can understand having the pressure of having to be or to fulfill your persona. a person you can completely be yourself around. a person who is full of warmth no matter how cold he may seem on the outside.
“get in, princess.”
and that was all you needed. you tiredly walked to the other door and sat yourself in the car. rolling his window back up, he looks at you. you are wearing a simple yet stunning black dress along with silver jewelry adorned on your neck and wrists. your makeup is perfectly done but still struggles to hide the fog in your eyes. he has the sudden urge to clear them away. he softens at the sight of you. no one is perfect, but he finds you being perfect enough without ever having to dress up.
“where to?” he asks as gently as he could. he knows that you are most vulnerable during these moments and that it is hard to finally break down your walls after a day full of stress, so he doesn’t pry immediately. all he wants to do is to keep you here, safe and away from your burdens and for you to stay comfortable with him, even if it couldn't be for long. but is that too selfish of him to ask? he hates how you hate your life and it is taking every bone in his body to not run away with you. but who is he to tell you what to do or what to change anyway? all he can do for now is try to find a way to make you genuinely smile.
“take me anywhere,” you whisper to the latter. “i just want to be as far from myself and my life as possible. miles away or the nearest convenience store, just take the long way home before dawn.”
you look down at the cup holders, spotting an open cigarette box. you tug one out of the nineteen and light it with the lighter you kept in your pocket. you lean back and close your eyes. he only admires as you bring the cigarette to your lips, exhaling a cloud of smoke afterwards. letting the radio play quietly, he starts the car and begins to drive away from the mansion. he can’t help but wonder how you (an elegant daughter) and him (a bad boy) are millions of worlds apart, but more similar than you think.
© perhapsthanatos (efa)
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marc-spectorr · 2 years ago
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Yeay I'm excited for the first story you had prepared for the 500. Can't wait to read that.🥰❤
Also, earlier I was in my kitchen and usually when I'm doing something there (washing dishes, cooking and so on) I'm listening to music. I had my Playlist on shuffle and suddenly Ed Sheeran's Joker and the Queen was playing and holy damn I was thinking about Steven for that one. You know like: why would she pick a Joker like me if she could've a king by her side? That got me and it gave me Steven vibes. Idk. There's something about the way Ed Sheeran writes his songs that transport me into another world. My heart feels fuller.
Anyways, oh because of Operation Finale... yes it's sad and shocking. It takes place after World War 2. The Holocaust perpetrator Adolf Eichmann disappears; other leaders of Nazi Germany had killed themselves to avoid facing trials for war crimes. Oscar's character in that movie tries to find Eichmann to bring him to court. His backstory is very emotional. I mean all stories from survivors/the killed or people who lost a loved one in that war are tragic. It's sad. What's important about the movie is, that it is based on true events. And Oscar also produced this movie. It took me a while to watch it to be honest because I knew the topic would be a lot. But everyone in this project did a good job and the actors once again were amazing.
I hope that helps a little in knowing what awaits you if you're gonna watch it.
Love you and I wish you a wonderful day. ❤
-- 🌻
hiyaaa sunnie 🌻💫
joker and the queen is such a good song, i instantly fell in love the first time i heard it when it came out. it also made me sooo soft learning that the two teens featured in the music video were also the same kids in everything has changed 🥺 talk about feeling old for a sec haha. but yeah hearing it again, i cant help but picture steven in that scenario skkdjdjjd. ughhh ed sheeran’s songs are so magical. i have a few tracks of his on the playlist i listen to while writing fluffy stories bc it gives off such great vibes aHH.
oOo can i also ask,,, who are your favorite artists/what’s you’re favorite song ?? i’m interested to know 👀
and i didn’t know the movie’s about that :(( but honestly i like those films based on true events bc those are stories that i wouldn’t have heard of if i hadn’t watch. really tho, even if oscar wasn’t involved, i would still see it just to learn more about history despite it being so tragic.
alrighty sunnie, you know the drill... ilyyy and i hope you’re doing well! talk to you laterrr 💖✨
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terrainofheartfelt · 4 years ago
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"It's you, it couldn't be awful"
A Playlist For Dair Appreciation Week, Day 7 - Fave Quotes & Lyrics
I haven’t the faintest idea how to make gifs (seriously I think all of you are witches) so I made this playlist, because there is nothing I love more than scrolling through my spotify library and just projecting all over it.
Track listings and links with opinions & lyrics under the cut, because this thing is long, because I have no restraint.
(Note: I intentionally left off all tswift bc if I didn’t, we’d be here all day)
Section 1: The Bops
Little of Your Love - HAIM
A bop that embodies the energy of the 4b arc, and an energy of “Oh for crying out loud, Humphrey”
You’re just another recovering heart / I wasn’t even gonna try / you wouldn’t even give the time
Stop runnin’ your mouth like that / ‘cause you know I’m gonna give it right back
Hate That You Know Me - Bleachers
It’s “You owe me ten / You owe me twenty!” & “I was hoping it would go away / I was humiliated” & basically all of While You Weren’t Sleeping, tbh
Some days I, I wish that I wasn't myself / No luck! / And I hate that you know me so well
I Like Me Better - Lauv
Heavily featured in all y’all’s gifsets—and rightfully so!!! It’s also like the perfect counter to the previous song.
To not know who I am but still know that I'm good long as you're here with me
Sweet Talk - Saint Motel
It’s about Blair roasting Dan for filth and him being completely charmed by it.
when you laugh / I forget that it's about me / But it's alright / Yeah, cause being your punchline / Still is something
No Reason to Run - Cold War Kids
In the perfect version of the show that lives in my head, this is the end credits song that plays as the two of them frolic in Rome.
I have evolved like a fish growing legs / Woke like a lightbulb clicked in my brain
You Make Lovin' Fun - Fleetwood Mac
The song for the couple that fucked in an elevator. Bless the work.
Sweet wonderful you / You make me happy with the things you do
No Matter What You Do - covered by Jakob Dylan and Regina Spektor
The energy is “I have a lot of affection for you but you are so annoying.” And this is the obligatory post-breakup s6 song.
No matter what in the world you do / Hey, I'll always be in love with you
Don't Take the Money - Bleachers
I see so much love for tswift on this website (valid) but I feel like the world as a whole sleeps on her collaborator Jack Antonoff bc he is brilliant and his act Bleachers has some of my favorite songs ever. Like this one. Antonoff has said before that the title phrase is more metaphorical than literal, like an idiom that means don’t take the easy way and give this up, because it’s genuine. Real “I want to have a sleepover with you” vibes.
Somebody broke me once / Love was a currency / A shimmering balance act / I think that I laughed at that
In the Morning - Nina Simone
It’s about the domesticity! And the “Our relationship is our world”! And the “we’re young and still have so much life to live so everything’s gonna be okay.” did i title a smut fic with lyrics from this song maybeso.gif
Please be patient with your life / It's only morning and you're still to live your day
This Must Be the Place - Talking Heads
This is a canon dair song bc @mysteriesofloves titled a fic after this song, them’s the rules. But for real, this is such a good one. The lyrics are intentionally scattered, a little bewildered, like “how did we get here? how did this happen? who found whom?” and finally “who cares? we found a home in each other.”
The less we say about it, the better / We'll make it up as we go along
Cleopatra in Brooklyn - Frank Turner
Chosen for the title obviously, but the lyrics capture the royal/5b arc pretty well, I think. The narrator carries this tongue-and-cheek comparison of the woman he’s singing to to Cleopatra through the whole song, comparing himself to Marc Antony, and ending with this really earnest kind of declaration. I’m obsessed with this songwriter he’s a genius please give him a listen.
These people are adjectives to your proper noun
I'll come find you when your fortunes fail you / I'll die with you when the gods desert you
Morphing into Section 2: Pure Vibes
Walking on a Dream - covered by Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness
The original is by Empire of the Sun (and omigod I just realized the coincidence), but I first heard it covered by McMahon, and he’s one of my favorite musicians of ever so I just love his rendition. And this song is sort of like...about finally deciding that the reality of love with someone is so much better than the idea of it.
Thought I’d never see / The love you found in me / Now it’s changing all the time
Wake Me - Bleachers
Jack coming for my life yet again. This song is so romantic but also so melancholy? Which is such a Daniel Humphrey Vibe.
And I'd rather be sad with you / Than anywhere away from you
All I Want - Joni Mitchell
I’m a white girl with a mother who grew up in the 60s, so I love Joni. And this song is so bubbly and joyful, but it’s also about a relationship between two imperfect people and wanting it to work anyway. Big “Despicable B” vibes!
All I really want our love to do / Is to bring out the best in me / And in you, too.
Dust to Dust - The Civil Wars
A friend in undergrad got me into the Civil Wars by showing me their live videos, and they have such incredible musical chemistry - like, the synchronicity of their ensemble is so good that it even comes through on their studio recordings and it makes these simple lyrics hit SO HARD.
You're just lonely / You've been lonely too long
NFWMB - Hozier
Ok, this had to be like the first ask I ever sent @bisexualdanhumphrey bc they wrote this fantastic meta post about Hozier and Derena but I said: “consider: NFWMB is a Dair song.” And they said, “You right.” I stand by it, and that’s why this song is on this list.
If I was born as a blackthorn tree / I'd wanna be felled by you / Held by you / Fuel the pyre of your enemies
Friday I'm in Love - covered by Phoebe Bridgers
This song - especially this cover - gives such Secret Friendship Arc vibes a la the end of 4x16...the inherent romance of eating pizza and falling asleep on the couch together
Always take a big bite / It’s such a gorgeous sight / To see you eat in the middle of the night
A Case of You - Joni Mitchell
Queen Joni again. Like! I am a lonely painter / I live in a box of paints. & The “You’re the star of Dan’s book” of it all in these lyrics!
I remember that time you told me / You said “Love is touching souls” / Surely you touched mine / ‘cause part of you pours out of me / In these lines from time to time.
Longing to Belong - Eddie Vedder
This is my thinly veiled attempt to tell more people about this: a song written and performed by Pearl Jam’s Eddie Vedder on ukulele, that is actually the softest love song in the history of western music.
All my time is spent here / Longing to belong to you
Bones - Josh Record
Okay, so, that Moment on the Couch at the end of 5x02? That’s this song.
And darling, when your feet are cold / Wait up, I'm coming home / And all of you I will hold / My love will clothe your bones
Cinnamon Girl - Lana Del Rey
The song for when you reach the end of plausible deniability - One all consuming paralyzing thought & You need to go back to Brooklyn - and it scares the heck out of you.
There's things I wanna say to you, but I'll just let you live / Like if you hold me without hurting me / You'll be the first who ever did
You and Me - You + Me
You can be flawed enough but perfect for a person
Section 3: Songs for Dancing in the Kitchen with Your Lover at 1 am
Cigarettes and Coffee - Otis Redding
The “Dan and I have a real connection song.” It’s about the romance of commonplace things when they’re with the right person.
But it seemed so natural, darling / That you and I are here
I'd Be Waiting - Nathaniel Rateliff and the Night Sweats
It’s “I just want to spend the day with you” but in like, slow-dance, sexy harmonies format.
If you ever get lonely if you never did
Never My Love - covered by Jakob Dylan and Norah Jones
The “Words of Affirmation” love song they deserve, and an underrated love song from Laurel Canyon, imho
What makes you think love will end? / When you know that my whole life depends / On you
Dancing in the Dark - covered by Morgan James
Okay so these lyrics are such Dan lyrics to me, it’s charmingly self-aware and self-deprecating. And this cover by Morgan James turns this staple rock song into something ~sexy~
I'm dying for some action / I'm sick of sittin' round here trying to write this book / I need a love reaction / Come on, gimme just one look
Oh Me Oh My (I'm a Fool for You) - Aretha Franklin
They’re literally always making each other laugh! It’s about feeling safe enough to be uninhibited and unselfconscious in your joy.
To make you laugh / I would be a fool for you
I Fall in Love Too Easily - as done by Chet Baker
No one, but no one sounds as sweet or as smooth as Chet. I know it, you know it, Hozier knows it. And this song and it’s titular thesis is so Them, it’s such a central part of their respective characters, and one of the things that makes them compatible.
My heart should be well schooled / 'Cause I've been fooled in the past
For Me Formidable - Charles Aznavour
Due entirely to this fic (Part II of a god tier s4 au) This is the end credits song for their full feature length Nora Ephron romcom.
NSFW Honorable Mention: Dinner & Diatribes - Hozier
it’s the definitive “men get pegged” representation, iykyk
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