#but oh my gosh y'all have given so much support for that fic that i wasn't expecting more than a few people to read

[probably-enjolras]

i'm literally so overwhelmed by the positive response i've gotten to my fic about enjolras with bipolar disorder. i've been requested to write more, and i already planned on doing so after i finished the one i posted, but seriously, y'all are so encouraging! thanks to everyone who had read, gave kudos, and especially y'all who have commented on it. my poor writer heart cannot handle it <3

also here's what i'm talking about if you haven't read it ;)

[shutupandshipit]

Live Stream - Oneshot

Summary: Everyone knew that if you wanted to have sex or needed help through you heat/rut, you went to Midoriya.

Or where Midoriya is promiscuous and a cam girl, and Kirishima is an avid viewer who catches part of a live stream that wasn't meant to be live.

Pairing: Bakudeku

Rating: M

Notes: More outside POV for BakuDeku! I told y'all that I wasn't going to stop. I might expand on this one later, just because I love a good shameless slut character (because there's nothing shameless about enjoying sex). Also, I love a good cam girl fic.

Aaaaanyway, I've got Kiri's POV this time for you to partake in. Hope y'all enjoy! See you in my next one!

Everyone knew that if you wanted to have sex or needed help through you heat/rut, you went to Midoriya. He was the unapologetic slut of the school with a never ending stream of lovers to entertain him. Even the teachers knew about his exploits, but never did anything about it simply due to the decrease of rut and heat related attacks. They promised though that if a pregnancy occurred or there was a sudden rash of STIs, there would be repercussions.

Midoriya had taken the warning in stride and shrugged it off. He had told Kirishima time and time again that he had no plans of getting pregnant so early in his life and career.

Everyone also knew that he only took credit for having sex with you. If it ruined any relationship you may have been in, well then that was your problem.

Midoriya had a few simple questions he asked you and rules that you had to follow if you so happened to partake in his services.

1) No touching. For the duration of your session, your hands would be tied to his headboard. That was non-negotiable. The rule was in place for his protection more than yours. This was sometimes relaxed when it came to friends of partners he saw frequently and trusted enough to know what they were allowed to do.

2) No biting. Being tied to the headboard, it was harder to accomplish than normally, but if you made any attempt to do so, you'd be out of his room whether you'd gotten off or not. He expected you to find control even in a heat/rut haze. If you couldn't control yourself, you had no right being in his bed. There were no exceptions.

3) A condom would be used at all times. He didn't take it raw or suck dick without protection. It was simple as that.

4) Do not involve emotions. It wasn't his fault if you caught feelings for him, and he would not take responsibility for them. Sex with him was a no strings attached, purely physical transaction. He was a bunny omega after all with a sexual appetite that couldn't be satisfied by one singular person, so there was no room to get butt hurt about any other partners the frequented his bed.

5) Do not, under any circumstances, ask about his heat or offer your services during his heat. If you did, you were liable to have your ass verbally flayed and all contact with him cut immediately.

6) Rule 6 was probably the most important of all. You would be recorded and posted on his cam channel. Only your lower half would be shown. Your face would never be recorded. If you weren't okay with that or refused to sign his release form, you wouldn't make it passed his threshold.

His questions were simple as well.

1) Were you clean? This included drugs, STIs and any contagious sickness you may have at the time.

2) Were you in your heat/rut?

3) Had you ever had sex before?

He didn't ask if you were in a relationship because he didn't care. It was your choice to meet with him, so you were liable for any consequences caused by your actions. So if something did happen, you weren't allowed to come crying to him.

The last thing everyone knew was that he spent his heat alone. Or at least, if he did have someone he shared them with, no one knew who it was.

Kirishima knew all of this from personal experience. Even though he and Mina were together, it was hard to satisfy his alpha with another alpha, and the same went for her. So, they both employed Midoriya's services pretty often, both alone and together. They were one of the only couples Midoriya featured, and it had shot his popularity through the roof after the first video he did with them.

He offered a kick back of any money he made from his videos, but from what Kirishima knew, people rarely took him up on his offer. All the money he made went to his mother and omega related foundations. He was in it to satisfy his omega, and the money was simply a byproduct.

Kirishima had asked Midoriya once how much his partners would receive if they did take his offer, and the amount had floored him. He hoped all those foundations put his donations to good use.

It always surprised him exactly how popular Midoriya was on the internet.

Then again, sitting in his room with his laptop open on his stomach, nodding off as he waited for Midoriya's Friday live stream to begin, he could see the chat room already filling. 1,000 turned into 2,000 turned into 3,000, and just kept ticking. A countdown ran down on the screen, and people had already begun tittering away in the chat.

Kirishima wondered if the entire school was watching. He knew at least half of his class was. That's why the dorm was always so quiet on Fridays save for the sounds coming from Midoriya's room.

Just like every Friday at exactly 8 o'clock, the stream went live. Midoriya sat on his bed in front of a black back drop and on top of creamy white sheets, knees splayed out to his sides. He wore pure white lace panties and garter belt. Encasing his arms and legs were silvery metallic support sleeves that his garter belt clipped onto. A half face bunny mask covered the upper portion of his face. A white wig to match the white tuft of his tail covered his very recognizable green hair. The green fur of his ears had been sprayed with temporary white dye that would wash out when he showered.

When he was on his channel, he became Snow Bunny, beloved omega of the cam world.

Despite who he filmed with, not everyone who watched his channel knew who he was, and he did what he could to hide his identity.

Granted, if you asked him, he would say that society should normalize sex in relation to heroes. They could be sex icons in their own right, but if they were actually caught having sex or with multiple partners, it was a scandal. He wasn't really that concerned if his channel was discovered later in his career, but right now, it wouldn't do him any favors.

Kirishima commended him on that because he just wasn't that brave or confident.

"Hi, everyone! Oh my gosh, there's so many of you! I feel so lucky and blessed! Oh, no, no. I've got a guest here with me tonight. Not going solo today," Midoriya said in a sweet, high voice that was several octaves above his normal speaking voice, answering one of the flurry of questions in the chat. He peered at the screen intently, smiling widely. "Thank you 'johnfromohio' for the tip! I'm so grateful. How was everyone's week? Wonderful, I hope. I know mine was."

Midoriya was lying, at least Kirishima assumed he was. The class had spent the week getting their asses handed to them during training as was evident by the various stages of bruising across his torso and backs. They extended beneath his support sleeves as well. At some point, Recovery Girl had started to refuse to heal him day after day, hoping to curve his reckless behavior, but it hadn't worked quite yet.

On screen. Midoriya spread his legs, giving the camera a healthy view of his dick straining against the white lace. "Oh, don't worry about the bruises, loves! They're all healing well, and I got them all in good fun." He winked, smiling enough so that his canines poked out over his bottom lip.

Midoriya -or rather, Snow Bunny- was the most popular cam omega on the internet. It seemed unlikely. There were hundreds of other bunny omegas that worked as cam omegas that could have been just as famous, but none of them looked like Midoriya. Where he was toned and muscular, his counterparts had the bodies typical of omegas. Thin and reedy and lacking all muscular definition. Soft where he was deceptively hard.

Not only that, but his dick was more akin to the size of an average betas rather than tiny like most male omegas were. His fangs were not those typical for his second gender either. Sharp and pointy though still small, could cause damage if given the opportunity.

If Midoriya didn't slick and go through heat, he would have been a beta. Or even an alpha. He exuded the presence and confidence of an alpha. A wolf in sheep's clothing, praying on unsuspecting and willing alphas. Satisfying omegas when he shouldn't be able to.

He was a conundrum that Kirishima avidly virtually partook in most nights, sometimes alone, sometimes with Mina, sometimes with the other guys.

Except for Bakugou who never stuck around long enough for a video to load. Kirishima wasn't sure if he even watched porn or had seen any of Midoriya's exploits. Let alone enjoyed his bed. Their relationship was better than it had been before, but they still got into arguments that ended with destruction of property. He wasn't sure what Bakugou did during his ruts, but he thought they must have been lonely.

Even now, Bakugou would have been settling down for the night. Either reading a book or something else to wind down before bed.

Just like Kirishima should have been doing. The day had been long and grueling, and tomorrow promised to be more of the same. Still, he wanted to watch the stream.

He blinked several times, trying to clear the tiredness from his eyes as Midoriya smiled into the camera and turned to show off a crystal white as snow nestled between his cheeks.

"I'm all ready to go, loves, but this is for someone else. I've got to introduce my guest for tonight." He moved aside to flip the blanket off two pale legs. A thin, long tail of coarse yellow fur flicked back and forth across the mattress. "I found this little kitten omega all alone in the rain today and thought I'd be nice enough to bring him home and play for a bit." He trailed his nails over bare thighs that trembled under his touch. The tail swept faster.

Kirishima huffed, grinning. Now he knew why Kaminari had blown him off for the night.

Midoriya continued talking, dipping his fingers between Kaminari's trembling thighs. They came away dripping, and he licked away the slick to a pitiful moan.

Kirishima's eyes were itchy and each time he blinked, it got harder to keep them open. He scrubbed at them, but to no relief.

Even as Midoriya lovingly flipped Kaminari onto his stomach and hiked up his hips, he felt himself dozing off. When he came to with a jolt, the screen of his computer was dark and the dorms were quieter than usual.

Scrambling to log back in, he groaned when he saw the time. 11:54 PM. He'd slept through the entire stream and then three hours after it. He was the only one left logged into the chat. He was about to turn off his computer for the night when the stream loaded again.

It hadn't been shut off like it normally was at the end of a live stream, and Midoriya's moans slipped from his speakers. The shot was only from the waist down, but everything important was visible.

Strong muscled legs were bent in half as long elegant fingers clutched at Midoriya's ass. The pair slowly rocked together, unhurried in their movements. His fluffy white tuft of a tail betrayed his frantic pleasure, twitching each time his partner pushed into him.

This new person certainly wasn't Kaminari, desperate and scrambling for his climax. If that wasn't the biggest indicator, the other red flag was the fluffy blond wolf's tail that curled around the back of Midoriya's trembling thigh. He lay on top of his new partner, the knee that was visible planted firmly in the mattress.

There wasn't a hair's breath between them, and Kirishima felt like he was violating Midoriya's privacy even as he slowly came to full attention in his boxers. He ignored his hard on, more interested in figuring out who was held so intimately beneath everyone's favorite omega. If Midoriya did one thing constantly, it was keep distance between him and his partners, even when having sex.

When the pair finally came, it was together and quiet with long moans of pleasure followed by the gentle sounds of kissing. They didn't part, just lying still with one another.

It was several long moments of Kirishima's heart splitting his store of blood between his face and groin before they finally spoke.

"Mm," Midoriya hummed, shifting on top, but not moving away, "If this dries, we're going to be stuck together forever." His voice was low and slow, barely a whisper. Kirishima only heard him because everything else was absolutely silent, as if the dorm was holding its breath in the face of their intimacy.

A deep chuckle joined his voice, and Kirishima startled. That laugh was all too familiar even distorted and drenched with sex.

"Too late. You're already stuck with me forever," his partner said, and that voice was all Bakugou.

Kirishima sat straight up in bed, catching his laptop before it could tumble off the side. If he hadn't been blushing before, he definitely was now. He was blushing so hard he could feel his pulse in his cheeks. "Bakugou?" he hissed incredulously, still staring at the screen.

"Why don't you ever ask me to be on your stream?" Bakugou asked. Just a question without the usual demand in his voice.

Midoriya hummed again. "I didn't think you would want to be. You don't watch my videos. I thought you'd be too worried about, you know, everything else. Also..." He trailed off, voice considering as he sat up and slowly lifted himself off Bakugou. Cum and slick trickled from Midoriya's entrance and down the inside of his thigh. They both hissed at the sensation of their uncoupling, and Kirishima flinched in sympathy.

They settled back together, Midoriya's back to the camera and Bakugou's leg hooked over his to pull them closer.

"Also?"

"Also, this is... just for me. They get everything else, but you... You're my beautiful, amazing alpha that I get to have all to myself. You're private. Just for me. I like it that way."

Bakugou hummed, the sound slowly becoming a purr. "Yeah, I like it that way too," he agreed gruffly, "When does your heat start? My rut is in a few days."

Midoriya laughed. "I don't know why you keep checking. We've been synced up since we presented."

As Kirishima watched, the number of people viewing ticked up from 1 to 5.

Before he knew what he was doing, he launched himself from his bed and to his door. Sprinting down the hall and stairs to the second floor, he listened closely as the pair made plans just in case they said anything too incriminating. Without knocking, he slammed into Midoriya's dim room lit only by the light from the laptop. He stood there for the briefest moment, confused about whose name to call. "B-Bunny!"

His own voice echoed back to him from his laptop a millisecond later.

"What?" Midoriya shouted in surprise.

Bakugou pulled him close and sat up, pulling a blanket over them. "What the fuck? You ever hear of knocking, asshole?" he shouted, rage and murder clear on his face, "Why do you have you computer? And why are you hard? Get the fuck out!"

"Your- Uh- The, uh, stream is still live. It never got cut," Kirishima stammered, face so hot he could have sworn he'd become another light source, "I was the only one still logged on, but it's filling back up again pretty quickly." The counter was already reached 300 viewers again.

Horror filled Midoriya's face, and he scrambled from Bakugou's hold, skirting around the view of the camera. Bakugou followed his lead, pressing himself back against the headboard as Midoriya shut the computer off from its power button. The whir of its fan slowly died away leaving only Kirishima's humming computer.

"Close the door, Kirishima, please. I, um, need to log on on your computer if you don't mind so I can see what kind of damage there is and properly shut everything down," Midoriya said calmly, but his hands were trembling and it was quickly spreading to the rest of his body.

"Sure thing," Kirishima blurted, turning his back as Bakugou stood from the bed and wrapped Midoriya in a blanket before turning him into his chest.

"I'm fine. I'm fine. I-I swear. I just can't believe I made that mistake. What if someone saw your face? What if I said your name?" Midoriya rambled, and a twinge of pain shot through Kirishima's chest at the worry in his voice, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"It's fine," Bakugou murmured. When Kirishima turned back to them, Bakugou had his arms wrapped around the omega, chin resting on the top of his curly green hair right between his ears. "So what if people saw? They just know that you're mine now. I'm the one who gets the truest version of you."

"But what if-"

"Stop with the what ifs, shitty Deku. Let's find out first if there's anything to be worried about." Bakugou jerked his head to the desk that had been moved earlier into the middle of the room, and Kirishima carefully moved Midoriya's laptop out of the way and set the camera stand off to the side facing the wall. After, he retreated to the far wall.

Midoriya, still bundled tightly in Bakugou's arms as they sat on the edge of his bed, went to work.

A lifetime passed as he combed through the comments from the stream and watched parts of the video before he finally sighed and slumped back against Bakugou's chest. Relief shone clear as a sunny day on his freckled face. "I don't think anyone saw us. And our faces didn't make it on screen, which is a miracle, but if anyone did see and knows our nicknames, well..."

Bakugou shrugged more calmly than Kirishima thought he was capable of. "Then the cat's out of the bag. We're almost graduated. I'm surprised they haven't figured it out yet, but then again, they are all dipshits."

"But-"

"Before you say something that's just going to piss me off, I don't care. We've been faking it for almost two years. I'm tired of having to sneak around and pretend like you're not my mate. So, fuck it. We were going to go public after graduation anyway."

If Kirishima felt like an intruder before, he felt like a proper interloper now as he watched Midoriya stare lovingly up at the alpha, nose twitching wildly as tears filled his eyes.

"Aw, fuck, Deku, don't start crying. You're going to kick start your heat early if you do. I don't think you want Shitty Hair seeing all of that."

Eyes widening and ears standing at attention, Midoriya spun towards Kirishima. "Sorry, Kiri! Thank you though. For letting me use your computer and warning us. I don't know what would have gotten out if you hadn't told us about the stream. I'm really, really grateful. I'll do anything to repay you."

Kirishima's face reddened again at the honest sincerity on Midoriya's face and the way his alpha paced restlessly in his chest. He waved his hands through the air wildly. "You don't have to thank me, I'm just glad everything's alright." He ducked his head in deference as he drew closer to the pair to gather up his computer and Bakugou's warning snarl filled the room. Backing away quickly, he smiled. "I'm going to go back to bed. I'll see you in the morning."

Making a break for the door, he just caught the moment when Bakugou buried his face in the crook of Midoriya's neck and his growl turned into a contented purr. Midoriya giggled as he closed the door.

The next morning without any help from Kirishima, the entire class knew that Bakugou and Midoriya were mates. They were discussing them over breakfast before the pair even appeared, those who had caught the last minutes of the stream speaking the loudest. When they came down, they ignored the others, but didn't pretend like everything was normal. They were completely drenched in each others pheromones and could, for the life of them it seemed, not keep their hands to themselves. Kirishima could of sworn that every time he looked at them, they were pressing close for another kiss.

Spurred on by his friends' show of affection, he nuzzled Mina's neck. She buried his hand in his hair, but continued with her conversation with Momo.

He wondered if the pair were putting on a show, but suspected that this was just how they had always acted behind closed doors. Their affection was as natural as breathing. They were two planets orbiting each other.

He wished that coming out had been on their own terms, but either way, he couldn't have been happier for them.

[asouthernsamwell]

Through the Stomach to the Heart

A big thank you to @dumouwin for being a wonderful beta, and also super supportive about me posting my first ever fic! I hope you enjoy!

Summary: Eric Richard Bittle is convinced that his new captain hates him, and his baking, since Jack Zimmermann won't touch a single thing that Bitty bakes. Jack, on the other hand, discovers that he has a problem even more vexing than not being able to eat gluten.

Eric Richard Bittle knew two things. One, introducing oneself with food was a sure way to make friends; and two, that rule went double for student athletes (even if they couldn't be counted on to still be friendly in three week's time, it never hurt to get off to a good start). Besides, things were supposed to be different at Samwell, and Eric was optimistic.

The two pies he brought to practice on the first day were mauled, and everyone seemed friendly, so he considered his first day a success. The captain of the team, Jack Zimmermann, seemed indifferent to the pies, but Eric figured he didn't want to show favoritism, or was just really strict about his personal diet plan.

However, after a few months of Jack not even sampling his baking once, Bitty (as he had been christened by his new teammates) finally worked up the nerve to ask about it.

“Does he hate me?” Bitty whispered, as Jack once again bypassed a pie fresh from the oven in favor of a protein shake.

“Who, Jack?” Ransom asked around a mouthful of pie.

“Nah bro, don't worry about Jack, he's just like that,” Holster responded, before practically unhinging his jaw to shovel more pie into his mouth.

“But I've never met anyone who wouldn't even taste my pies! Even stuck up Eliza Mae tried my county fair blue ribbon pie! I get that he takes hockey seriously, and adores his diet plan, but would it kill him to try just one bite of something someone else made? I mean, y'all devour my pies, and he won't even come near them! Oh gosh, what if he hates me for feeding his entire team pie? I can't just not bake for people!”

“Brah, chill. Take a breath, it's okay. Jack just does his own thing, I'm sure he doesn't hate you.” Ransom served himself another piece of pie, “After all, he'd have a mutiny on his hands if he tried to keep you from baking!”

“Dude! C'mon!”

“Serves you right. Get your own seconds, stop trying to steal mine!”

Holster pouted and rubbed his hand where Ransom had slapped him.

“Ransom is right though, Jack almost certainly doesn't hate you. He's just a pretty tightly-wound dude.”

“Almost certainly doesn't hate me. Thanks Holster, that's so reassuring.” Bitty let his head fall forward to the table and mumbled into his arms, “He probably just thinks my baking is a waste of time that distracts from hockey and he probably wants me off the team. That's all.”

“No way dude-”

“C'mon Bits, you know that's-”

“I'm gonna make him a pie.”

It was a fool-proof plan. Bitty would make Jack a pie (“What type of pie do you think he likes?” “I don't know, but he's Canadian, so maybe something with maple syrup in it? Do pies like that exist?” “Holster, you do know that not all Canadians have a maple syrup IV connected to them at all time, right? Bitty, maybe a healthy-ish fruit pie? Like apple?”), and Jack would simultaneously realize that Bitty wasn't a horrible person, they could actually get along, and he wasn't going to keel over if he ate a few grams of sugar.

When Bitty was sure that his new creation (an apple pie with maple sugar in the crust) was perfect, he brought it to the Haus and warmed it in the oven for a minute before cutting it up, plating it, and bringing it out for the boys studying in the living room.

“Hey y'all, I tried out a new recipe today, who wants to test it for me?”

Ransom, Holster, and Shitty all immediately grabbed for the plates in his hands, but Jack just gave him a quick glance before going back to the essay he was typing.

“Jack, do you want some? It's maple apple, and I thought you might like it because I tried to make it healthier while also kind of thinking about Canada? I mean, sorry, that sounds weird, I just thought that you and Ransom might appreciate something more home-y by this point in the semester, ya know? Erm...”

Jack interrupted his rambling with a short, “No thank you, Bittle,” before turning back to his essay and typing as if he had never been interrupted.

The plates clanked on the coffee table as Bitty set them down with a little too much force before stalking about of the room. Jack hated him, fine. Just fine.

  For the next few months, Bitty kept up a war of attrition. He baked pies, brought them to the Haus, and always took care to offer Jack a piece when he was around. And every time his offers were turned down, he would just smile sweetly and say, “Alright!” If Jack was going to hate him, Bitty was going to make sure that it was the most unfounded, ridiculous decision Jack Zimmermann would ever hold himself to.

Finally, one morning after Jack had started up their checking clinics again following summer break, Bitty snapped. It came after months of Pinterest suggestions, every type of fruity and healthy pie imaginable, and nightly stomach aches worrying over how much the captain of his team hated him. He'd had an entire summer to try and win Jack's favor in some small way, and he was done.

Bitty came down to the kitchen, still rubbing the sleep from his eyes, just in time to see Jack wrapping a brownie in a napkin. Bitty's confusion was quickly replaced by anger when Jack Zimmermann proceeded to eat said brownie on the way to Faber.

“Wow, so the illustrious Jack Zimmermann actually does have a sweet tooth. Someone should alert The Swallow.”

Jack seemed taken aback. “Um... Shitty made them for me?” He clearly didn't understand that he had just capped off an entire year of rudeness with the worst snub possible. Bitty didn't even dignify his statement with a response.

The entire time they laced up their skates and got ready, Jack's waves of confusion were only met with further stony silence from Bitty. Maybe he should have been impressed that Jack was reading the situation as well as he was, given his oblivious rudeness over the last year, but Eric was far too furious to be that gracious.

Once on the ice, Bitty took his place by the boards, and as Jack started skating towards him he finally lost it. Right as Jack skated into him, Bitty pushed back, catching Jack off-guard, and actually succeeded in checking Jack, sending him a few feet across the ice in his shock.

“Bittle, you just, you checked me. That's great!”

“Why do you hate me?!” Bitty wasn't even aware that he had flung his gloves to the ice until Jack glanced down at them warily.

“What? I don't hate you. I don't hate you – why would you think that?”

“Yes you do! You won't eat anything I make, even when I make things especially for you, and I know that you hate that I bake, but I don't think it distracts me from hockey! I'm a good player, and I was doing well on the team! I don't know why my baking upsets you so much or why you hate me, but I'm not going to stop making pies!”

“Bittle-”

“And don't think that you can tell me that I'm not keeping diet, because I pretty much am, and it's not affecting me!”

“Bittle, I-”

“And you know that you can't control what the team does all the time, because you never seem to get mad at them for eating pie or cookies or anything, but you still hate me and I don't understand why and it's just not fair! I'm just as much a member of this team as anyone else and if you don't agree with that then you're just going to have to-”

“Bittle! I'm celiac.”

“That's no- wait, what?”

“I'm celiac. I can't eat gluten. I'm allergic to pretty much everything you've made for the past year.”

“Why didn't you say anything??”

“I didn't know I needed to.”

“But, I, it's just – ugh! Jack! Here I've been thinking that you didn't like me for the better part of a year, when really I should have just been baking things that you can eat!”

“Why did you think I didn't like you?”

“You completely ignored my baking!”

Jack started to laugh. “Bittle, I just didn't want you to have to try and make gluten free things, I had no idea you would be so offended over me ignoring your baking. Besides, is helping you get over your mental block surrounding checking really the actions of someone who hates you?”

“I mean... this has definitely seemed sadistic at some points so...” Jack gave him a gentle hip check in response to his quip. “I just thought that since you didn't even want to try to like my pies that you didn't like me.” He cut Jack off before he could protest. “I'm silly, I know. Now, what type of pie would you like?”

“Bittle, you don't have to do that.”

“Nonsene. I'm not backing down from a new baking challenge! Besides, how long has it been since you last ate a piece of pie?”

“I don't really eat sweets, it's fine, you don't have to...”

“Mr. Zimmermann. I am from Georgia, and in the South, we express our emotions through food and feeding others. So please, let me make you a pie that you can eat and one that won't make you sick!”

“Thank you. But euh, Bittle, have you ever tried a gluten free dessert? They're not very good.”

“What about that brownie you were eating an hour ago? Are you trying to say it was bad? Because you sure seemed happy to be eating it, and as much as I love Shitty, I find it hard to believe that he could out-bake me, especially for a palate such as yours, Mr. Chicken-Strips-and-Protein-Shakes.”

The corner of Jack's mouth started to turn up in a grin. “Chirp, chirp, chirp Bittle, you're pretty bold this morning. Checking me, dropping your gloves, and now these chirps – are you going to ejected from our next game for fighting?”

“One Gordie Howe hat trick coming up, just you wait an' see!”

They were still laughing as they left Faber, Bitty trying to catch Jack by surprise with periodic hip checks the whole way back to the Haus.

  The knock on his door startled Jack out of his senior thesis brain-fog.

“Come in?”

Bitty was holding his wallet and reading something off of his phone as he opened the door. “Do you want to come to the store with me? I was gonna go to Murder Stop-And-Shop for some stuff.”

Jack glanced at his computer screen where his thesis sat, no longer holding his interest like it had a few moments before. “Sure, just let me save this.”

The whole way there Eric babbled on about a new baking blog he had found, praising the author's interesting ingredient combinations, as well as her passion for locally-sourced foods. “...and the best part is, she sets up her recipes for other variations, and even makes suggestions for how other people could modify them based on their personal preferences, which is so cool. I should really make a conscious effort to do that more on my vlog, now that I think of it...”

What Jack didn't learn until they reached the baking aisle of the store was that the blog Bittle had suddenly become so enthused about was one he had sought out specifically following their conversation that morning. Bitty made a beeline past his normal baking staples, instead stopping in front of the rather meager section labeled “gluten free”. A few bags of pretzels, two types of macaroni and cheese, a pancake mix, two box cake mixes, and three types of flour blends looked back at Jack as he quickly caught on to Bittle's plan.

“Bittle, you really don't have to make me anything special, it's fine, I promise.”

“You hush Mister Zimmermann, you're going to try at least one of my pies before you graduate, just you wait.”

“Alright, alright, fine! I suppose I can try some of your pie, but if this turns into an addiction the way it seems to have for the rest of the team I'll be sending my future dietician to you!” Jack's small smirk seemed to be what Bitty was really searching for, so he continued, “So, what are we looking for?”

“Well, we need the same basic ingredients as any normal pie, just ones that won't kill you. I think the only problem is flour, at least it was the only thing the blog specified as being gluten-free, so I thought that we would start there, and then try what will essentially be a mash-up of my Moomaw's famous apple pie and this special crust. Although,” he cast a disappointed glance at the shelves in front of them, “we really don't have much to work with here. The blog talked about making your own flour blend, with different flours and starches and binding agents, but I guess I never realized how few options there would be. No wonder you eat like you do! Uhh, let's try this one.”

He held up a bag proclaiming its ability to be substituted one-for-one in any recipe with normal flour for Jack's approval. Receiving a quick shrug and an “I trust your judgment,” Bittle put the flour in the cart.

  When they got back to the Haus, Eric made Jack read the labels on every ingredient they already owned with him, so that he could be sure he wouldn't put anything containing gluten in the pie, and then scrubbed down every inch of the kitchen, including washing the dishes and utensils he intended to use.

“I was reading about cooking for people with Celiac Disease, and I don't know how we haven't all managed to kill you by accident yet! My goodness Jack, do you get -” a pause of indecision, “-sick? poisoned? Gluten-ed? often because of us?” Bitty's worry was clearly expressing itself via frantic scrubbing with the new sponges he had just bought.

“Haha, no, it's okay. I mean, I do get sick sometimes, but it's not your fault. I just have to take extra care to wipe the counters and stuff before I prepare my own food. Besides, I shouldn't make the rest of you adapt to my weird eating habits. And the response is proportional to how much gluten I consume, so usually I just have a little pain and some, er, unpleasantness I guess.” Jack shrugged, indifferent, but Bitty was horrified.

“Oh my gosh, Jack, that's not okay! That sounds so horrible! And you could get sick – really sick! I read that you can get cancer, or not be able to absorb nutrients any more, and that must really hurt, and-”

“It's okay Bittle, I promise. That's why I'm careful, and it hardly ever happens. Besides, the dining hall has done far more to poison me than anyone in this Haus ever could.”

“Does the school know about that??” Jack was dismayed that his attempt at calming Bittle down had failed, but something in the back of his mind warmed to the fact that Bittle was scrubbing the kitchen, making special food, and now ready to fight the administration all on his behalf.

“They have a special section for student with allergies, but they tell everyone who eats there that they can't guarantee anything will be 100% safe. There's too much risk of cross-contamination in a kitchen that big to make that sort of promise.”

Bitty's face twisted into a small scowl, his mouth scrunched up and his eyes indicating that he was clearly trying to think of a way to solve all of Jack's dietary problems instantaneously.

“That's not fair! You should get to have meals you can enjoy fully too! It shouldn't be dangerous for you to eat dinner! Why are you smiling?”

“I think you're more upset about this than I am. It's kind of nice.”

“Well of course I'm upset! For gosh sakes Jack, it's food! They're not feeding you properly! That's a- that's just- I mean, it's- it's not right! I'm from the South, that's practically a crime! No, wait, there are actual cases where that is a very real crime. How can they just do this to you??”

As Bitty spluttered indignantly, he reminded Jack of a little kitten – specifically, the small orange cat from the Aristocats – puffing himself up and ready to take on the world, regardless of what the outcome would be. It wasn't that Jack didn't have people on his side who were willing to fight for him, he saw time and time again after his overdose that his support network was bigger than he could have imagined, but still... this was Bittle, someone who had apparently thought that Jack hated him as of twelve hours ago, and now he was whipped up into a frenzy doing his best to improve Jack's life. It was really nice.

Bittle's first pie came out of the oven to mixed reviews. It was a buttermilk pie in a homemade crust, and Jack thought it was incredible, tangy and sweet at the same time, with a buttery crust that barely crumbled apart at all, and a texture that wasn't grainy in the least. Everyone who sampled it agreed with Jack – it was good, if a little bit different than what they were used to, but still incredible. Bitty, however, was the lone voice of dissent.

“Jack, honey, how on earth can you call that good? I am so sorry, the next one will be much better, I promise! I was looking up some customizable flour blends, so hopefully the crust will cooperate a little bit more, and I can probably get it even thinner without it breaking. And if I add a little bit of xanthan gum to the filling it'll hopefully come out firm the whole way through, although that might have just been Betsy having a bad day, or maybe-”

“Bittle. I liked it. Truly.” Bitty was still casting half worried, half murderous glances at the almost empty pie plate. “It was the best thing I've eaten in a long time, I forgot that gluten free food could taste like that. It was perfect.”

After a heavy sign and a long moment of consideration, Bittle looked up at him.

“Alright, I'll believe you, but I'm still going to mess with the recipes and the flour blend until I'm satisfied. Will you be my taste-tester? You have a whole year's worth of pie eating to make up for!”

Jack just laughed. “All right Bittle, but save some time for studying too, okay? And remember, if you feed me too much pie I'll need to burn it off, so I hope you're also willing to sign yourself up as my early morning running partner.”

Jack hip checked him as Bitty screeched, “Mister Zimmermann, you wouldn't dare!” and he sauntered out of the kitchen.

  The next few months flew by in a flurry of pies and other assorted baked goods. Jack watched as Bittle tried out every flavor of pie at least once, and he also expanded his gluten free experimentation into pancakes, crepes, brownies, cake, cinnamon rolls, waffles, pizza, and some very memorable soft pretzels. Eric seemed to be getting closer to being content with his creations, although he still wouldn't totally believe Jack when he spouted praise for the confections.

One day, Jack's focus was ripped sharply away from his thesis as Shitty bounced into his room.

“Jackabelle! My favorite Quebec beaut!”

“You're still wearing clothes, Shits. Are you alright?”

As if just noticing that for once he had made it past the front door fully clothed, Shitty glanced down at himself before kicking off his shoes and sprawling on Jack's bed. “It's too beautiful of a day to worry about overturning societal expectations! Well, no, actually, there's never an excuse for complacency in a society that dictates how we should express ourselves and that censors nature, but today I'm just too distracted and light of heart to actively participate in protest.”

Jack just raised an eyebrow and waited.

“Jacques, I'm in love!”

With a small smile, Jack simply responded, “I know Shits. Have you finally talked to Lardo about it?”

“No, Jack, I just realized! I mean, I've liked her for ages, who wouldn't? She's one of the coolest people ever, and she can do almost anything, but I just realized that I love her. And I never said anything to her before, because I didn't want her to feel manipulated by me in any way because of the traditional archetype of men – and fuck gender stereotypes, by the way – and I know that she's more than capable of fending for herself, but I also didn't want to ruin our friendship or make her feel awkward if she doesn't feel the same way, ya know?”

“Shits, I think anyone who knows Lardo and has seen you two interact can tell you that you have nothing to worry about. At all. And even if she suddenly decided she doesn't feel the same way, it's Lardo. She's cool, and she's one of your best friends, and that's not going to change. Go talk to her, okay?”

Shitty ran his thumb over a small sharpie-d triangle on the side of his wrist and smiled as shyly as Jack had ever seen him. “Yeah, okay.” He got up to walk out, then paused with his hand on the doorknob. “You know, I feel so stupid. There she is, absolutely freaking incredible, and I talk to her every day and I never even realized. But then, today, we're just sitting there studying, not saying anything, and she just draws this freaking shape on my arm. And then I spent twenty minutes sitting there thinking about how I would get this stupid little triangle tattooed on my wrist, just because it was something she drew, but I'd much rather just have her there to draw it on me every day, and it just hit me then.” He shook his head, looking a little dazed. “I love her, man!”

At that moment, as Shitty rubbed his thumb reverently across the small black triangle on his wrist, Jack's eye caught on the plate sitting on his desk. Bittle had brought him a piece of pie and hour ago, asking for Jack's feedback on his newest gluten-free crust, and even after finishing the pie Jack had been idly tracing the edge of the plate with a small smile on his face, still amazed that someone like Bittle, who was pretty much a ray of sunshine come to life, would take the time to bake special pies for him, and would chirp him relentlessly, and could somehow still be his friend after how Jack had treated him last year, and how Jack didn't know what he was going to do without him next year except for probably signing with Providence just to stay close to Bitty and... when had Bittle become Bitty? Oh. Oh.

“Oh.” Jack abruptly looked up and interrupted Shitty. “Go talk to Lardo.” He all but shoved him out of the door before dashing into the bathroom to make sure his hair wasn't too disorderly. He ran down the stairs, taking them two at a time, before sliding a little into the kitchen in his socked feet.

“Bitty. I- what are you eating?”

Bitty looked up, startled, from where he was licking a spatula over the sink.

“Jack! Are you okay? What's wrong?”

“What are you eating?” Please don't be gluten, please don't be gluten, please don't be gluten[, I can't kiss you if it's gluten]...

“I just made brownies, Chowder had said that he wanted some and... are you alright?”

Jack visibly deflated. He almost blurted out, “I just realized that I like you and now I can't kiss you,” but he caught himself just in time.

“I'm fine. Did you want to get dinner tonight? I, uh, need a break from my homework.”

Bitty blinked at him slowly, head cocked slightly to the side as if trying to ascertain Jack's level of mental stability. (It was low, he hoped Bitty couldn't tell.) “Sure, these brownies'll be out of the oven in 15 minutes, so we can go then.”

Jack nodded fervently, then wondered if maybe that was too much before saying, “Great, I'll see you in a bit,” and leaving a confused Bittle standing in the kitchen behind him. He ran up to his room, threw himself on his bed, and cursed his gluten allergy.

Fifteen minutes later, Bitty kept up the conversation on the way to dinner, occasionally casting worried glances at Jack, who just gave him a small smile in return. I like you and I may even love you, and while I'm sometimes a masochistic moron, I don't hate myself enough to tell you that I like you when there's a chance that you like me too and I can't kiss you right away. I can be patient.

When Jack was first diagnosed with Celiac Disease, he spent a very long month being cranky about all the foods he could no longer eat, and looking on longingly every time someone else ate a food he used to love. But then, he got used to his new diet, lost all of his baby fat, and became a better, healthier hockey player who no longer missed gluten. Now, however, all he could notice was how many things Bitty ate that contained gluten. A dinner roll, croutons on his salad, fried chicken, cream of mushroom soup that he discarded after two spoonfuls, oreos on his ice cream, and even the school's mashed potatoes which also had flour added to them for some ungodly reason. Jack had spent eleven years indifferent to his special diet, and now he wanted to cry in frustration.

He had quickly resolved not to tell Bitty how he felt until a time when Bitty hadn't recently been eating gluten, but now that seemed like a long shot. Jack reasoned that if Bitty did return his feelings, there was no reason to wait before kissing him (Jack always had been 110% about everything), and if Bitty had recently eaten something that would make Jack sick he didn't want Bitty to feel bad. But now it seemed like the only opportunity Jack would get was first thing in the morning, before they went to team breakfast, which was less than ideal, seeing as they were usually surrounded by the other members of the team in the Haus.

In the dining hall, as Bitty loaded his plate with food that would have Jack curling into a ball of pain in an instant, Jack kept up the stream of silent curses against allergens. When Bitty smiled at him in the middle of a monologue on Beyonce's next tour, Jack felt his heart beat harder in his chest. And when Bitty got up to grab dessert for himself and came back with some prewrapped bread and rolls he had swiped from the gluten free station, Jack realized he was in much deeper than he thought.

  As the week went on, Jack decided that he would have the most luck talking to, and then hopefully kissing, Bitty first thing in the morning or right before bed. If he had just brushed his teeth, it would probably be pretty safe. So, Jack carefully kept track of Bitty's food consumption and oral hygiene.

On Wednesday night, Lardo followed Shitty upstairs at ten o'clock, and Jack and Bitty both resigned themselves to staying on the first floor for at least another half an hour, just to be safe. Bitty seemed to be studying, but by eleven he declared that he had at least three hours' worth of work left to do, and so Jack eventually had to leave Bitty sitting at the kitchen table with a half-finished piece of (gluten) pie in front of him.

The next morning, Jack was woken up by mysterious noises coming from Shitty's room, and so he listened for any sounds indicating that Bitty had begun his morning routine, but by the time Jack left for class Bitty still hadn't stirred. Thursday night also proved to be a bit of a late night for Bitty, and so on Friday morning Jack saw him stumble out of his room just as Jack was walking out the door for his 8 AM class. By the time he saw Bitty in their 9 AM, Bitty was happily munching on a bagel from the campus coffeeshop closest to their academic building.

As unfortunate as Jack's luck had been thus far, he was a little bit heartened when Professor Atley announced the final project at the end of class.

“You'll choose a partner or work alone, whichever you prefer, and you will prepare a recipe from one of the major areas that we covered in class. You will be turning in your final project, although a majority of your grade will not come from taste, but rather from the essay you will write on both the preparation and the history of the recipe you choose. You and your partner will submit separate essays, but I am expecting a certain amount of overlap in the themes covered – plagiarism is prohibited, but it shouldn't shock me to see evidence of your collaboration. Have fun!”

Bitty beamed, and Jack could see the confidence in his face. This was a final he was ready for. “Hey Bittle, need a partner?” Jack's small smile was reflected back at him with ten times the intensity, and the response of, “Sure, if you'll let us do a gluten free project,” forced a full smile out of Jack without a second thought.

“That sounds good.”

  It turned out that food allergens and diet trends, while not a new phenomena by any means, had not focused much on gluten during any of the eras they could base their project in. Jack was ready to make a normal, full-gluten project, but Bitty insisted that Jack should be able to have at least one thing he could sample on final project day. Finally, on Sunday night, as Jack was leaning against the counter waiting for his chicken strips to heat up in the microwave, he heard footsteps come thundering down the steps, and then saw Bitty's blond head appear in the kitchen door.

“Jack! I had an idea!”

“Yeah?” Jack prompted, “What's up?”

Bitty was beaming. “Did you know that gluten only started appearing in problematic quantities in the last hundred years? I mean, there's always been a type of gluten somewhere in wheat and stuff, at least, I think there was, there was a lot of science stuff that I skimmed over, but! I found out that if you went back in time a few hundred years you could probably eat whatever you wanted without fear of getting gluten-ed!” After a brief pause, Bitty added with a smirk, “You history nerd, of course you would be able to eat better in the past.”

“That's awesome! It's too bad we can't get any of those grains any more. Do you want to do a really old recipe with modern flour and talk about the changes in the plants in our essays?” Jack was impressed with the amount of research that Bitty had apparently been doing. There was a part of him that even rejoiced over how Bitty clearly prioritized Jack over anything even remotely academic, but the logical side of his brain chastised him with a reminder that Bitty loved procrastinating, and he shouldn't look for opportunities to derail studying when it did happen. Better to just encourage it, especially when the subject of Bitty's research made something simultaneously hot and cold flutter in Jack's ribcage.

“No, that's the really cool thing! I looked it up, and you can still get those grains! I mean, maybe not all of them, but it's possible to get wheat flour that's been mostly removed from the genetic variations that modern wheat has! It's called heirloom flour, or grains, or whatever, but I started looking around at different forums and stuff, and it seems like people with gluten allergies can eat it just fine! I mean, it's pretty expensive, and has to be ordered specially, because you have to grow it in special places where it can't accidentally mix with modern stuff and produce gluten-y offspring, so it's not a viable option for every day, but we could definitely get some for the project!”

Jack had thought that Bittle was beaming before, but now he was glowing and practically vibrating.

“That sounds great! Wow, looks like you're pretty good at this studying thing when you want to be, eh?” Jack couldn't resist the chirp. But then, to soften it a bit, and because he was ridiculously head-over-heels for Bittle at this point and was only a nanosecond away from throwing caution to the wind and taking his chances with the soy sauce Bitty had put on his dinner earlier, Jack hip checked him and then leaned in to ruffle his hair, saying, “Thanks Bittle. But let me pay, okay? One of us will be pulling in a six-digit salary this time next year, and it only seems right for you to save your money for more baking procrastination.”

“You're an absolute menace, Mister Zimmermann! But alright, I'll send you some links.”

Bitty wandered out of the kitchen with slightly flushed cheeks, and Jack watched him go, content to lean against the counter wearing a small smile until the beep of the microwave startled him back to awareness of the world around him.

After a week filled with studying for upcoming finals, research for their shared history class, and (on Jack's part) unsuccessful attempts to encounter Bitty alone when he hadn't recently eaten gluten, Jack's luck finally started to change.

Bitty knocked on his door on a Thursday night, and when Jack told him to come in, Bitty poked his head around the doorframe, biting his lip.

“What's up, Bittle?”

Bittle gestured with his phone as he talked. “I just got a message from my group for my math project, and they want to move our meeting time to Friday afternoon. Would you be okay with baking the pie for class on Sunday morning instead?”

“Sure,” Jack responded easily. “That'll probably work even better actually, since we'll be out of Rans' and Holster's way as they set up for the kegster, and then we can bake while everyone is still asleep on Sunday morning and avoid any interruptions there.”

As he always did when he was pleased, Bitty immediately seemed to straighten up, adding at least an inch to his own height, and showed off a radiant smile.

“Thanks Jack! Now if only I could enjoy my math project as much as I'll enjoy making this pie...”

  For all of his planning and brainstorming, Jack made it to Sunday morning without realizing the perfect scenario he was walking in to. The kegster the night before had been almost enjoyable for Jack, even though he had gone to bed by eleven. Until then, however, he had entertained Bitty with tales of chasing off interlopers with a fire extinguisher, trying to subtly brag about his heroism. Bitty had listened with wide eyes, taking periodic sips from his red solo cup. He was far from being wasted, but certainly had enough alcohol in him to be a little more emotional than usual; he'd offered Jack a sip of his tub juice, and then snatched the cup away at the last moment, a look of horror on his face.

“Oh my gosh, no! I ate gluten today, I don't want to poison you! I am so, so, so, so, so sorry Jack!” Bittle had covered the mouth of the cup, as if the idea of a gluten particle in his drink could float out and attack Jack.

Jack, who was experiencing a swell of warmth throughout his body because of the concern Bittle had for him.

Jack, who was trying very hard not to grin like a lunatic, or even worse, to kiss Bittle on the spot for being so considerate.

Jack, who had simply settled for reaching out and patting Bittle on the shoulder in what he hoped was a bro-y gesture of affection and thanks.

“It's fine Bits, don't worry about it. I'm good with my soft drink.” He'd made a mock-cheers gesture with his own red solo cup before taking another sip. “Besides, I want to be ready for tomorrow's baking extravaganza.”

Bitty had just rolled his eyes.

  As he brushed his teeth on Sunday morning, Jack could hear Bitty's alarm going off, playing a song he could now confidently identify as one of Beyonce's. He could hear the sound of Bitty smacking his nightstand before locating his phone to silence the alarm, and then the sound of feet hitting the floor and scuffy tired walking sounds from across the hall. The rest of the Haus still seemed to be passed out from the previous night's kegster, and so all of the little sounds that came with each of their morning routines seemed amplified in the calm silence.

Jack made it downstairs to the kitchen first, and switched on the coffee maker to help Bittle wake up – Jack wasn't much of a morning person, but Bitty really wasn't a morning person. He also wiped down the counters and the table; the boys had done a pretty good job keeping the kitchen clean last night, but there were still a few sticky spots of the counter that needed to be taken care of.

When Bitty entered the kitchen ten minutes later, hair damp and tousled from his shower and yawning out a 'good morning', he headed straight for the mug of coffee Jack had just finished pouring him, and proceeded to dump in a truly terrifying amount of sugar. He fished around in the fridge for the creamer, and after ensuring that his coffee was closer to flavored milk than coffee he took a sip and straightened up.

“All ready to begin your new career as a baker, Mister Zimmermann?”

Jack smirked a little, and answered indulgently, “Sure Bittle, whatever you say.”

  The actual process of preparing the pie wasn't difficult – they had already found a recipe and translated the instructions and measurements into a more modern form, so it was simply a matter of measuring things and doing what Bitty said. The hardest part should have been working with the crust, but thanks to Bitty's semester of gluten-free experimentation they were left with an extremely malleable crust, and Bitty took pity on Jack and didn't make him transfer the lattice to the finished pie on his own. Instead, the hardest part of the morning for Jack was staying focused on the task at hand after his early morning realization – Bitty hadn't eaten anything with gluten in it yet! Jack had been on the verge of kissing him the moment he realized that, but then his anxiety reminded him of the million ways that plan could go wrong. Most of them were easy to discredit, but Jack reasoned that if Bitty didn't return his affections then things might be awkward for a few days, and it would be better for that period of awkwardness to start after they had put the pie in the oven and could go to their separate rooms if need be.

So, Jack waited until he was almost done with the dishes, the smell of pie baking filling the air, before he tried to start the conversation he had been preparing for the last few weeks. Bitty had just paused in his evaluation of the food-based classes offered at Samwell, when Jack interjected, “What have you had to eat today?”

He almost immediately cringed. That... wasn't the smoothest way to start.

“Just the coffee and the bit of the filling that we sampled. Did you want to go get breakfast once the pie's done?” Thank goodness Bitty was accustomed to his occasional brashness and could pick up the threads of conversation when Jack couldn't.

“Yeah, euh, that would be great. But, euh,” Jack took a deep breath, and stared straight out the window in front of him, not focusing on anything other than avoiding Bitty's gaze in case it turned dismissive or, even worse, pitying. “I kind of had something else I wanted to ask? Er, to tell you?”

“Okay, what is it?” Bitty sounded a little tentative, but Jack could only drop his gaze to his hands before staring out the window again.

“I think, euh, no, I know,” Jack finally turned a little to find big brown eyes staring directly into his, a slight wrinkle of worry creasing Bitty's brow. “I realized a few weeks ago that I really like you, and I know that this is really sudden but if there's a chance you might like me too I was hoping that we could...”

Jack's trailing off into panic was cut off by Bitty's exhale.

“Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh thank goodness! Jack, I like you a lot too, but I didn't really think that you'd ever like me back in the same way, so I just didn't say anything, but yes I like you, and I would love to go out with you!” At some point during his response, Bitty's excited hands had found Jack's nervously wringing ones, and the soft touch along with the reassuring words made Jack's face break out into a smile.

“Can I kiss you?”

“Yes, please.”

Jack smirked just slightly at Bitty's eager response, before moving one of his hands to cradle Bitty's face and gently pressing their lips together. Bitty tasted just a little bit sweet, like the sugar he had dumped into his coffee, and after pulling back for just a moment Jack leaned down again.

When they finally separated, Bitty smiled slowly and opened his eyes. Then, cocking his head to the side a little, he asked, “If you've known for a few weeks that you liked me, why didn't you say anything sooner?”

“I, um,” Jack could feel his face reddening,”I wanted to kiss you right away if that was an option, and, um, well, you eat a lot of gluten.”

Bitty looked shocked for a moment, before smiling again and shaking his head. “You silly man, I would have run upstairs and brushed my teeth, gargled with mouthwash, whatever you needed me to do if you had told me you wanted to kiss me! And trust me, I will definitely be eating a lot less gluten in the future!”

Jack figured that the last fifteen seconds had been long enough to wait, and so he ducked down to kiss Bitty again, only pulling back to say, “I really like you,” a few more times. They took a brief break to extract the pie from the oven and write a note warning the other Haus residents not to touch it, but it wasn't until they heard the sounds of Ransom and Holster thundering down the attic stairs that Jack stepped back, ran a hand through his hair, and said, “So, about that breakfast... How does Annie's sound?”

“Perfect! I think I'll have to try one of those gluten-free pumpkin muffins they're serving...” Also on ao3! https://archiveofourown.org/works/15632469

[minaminokyoko]

Captain Marvel: A Spoilertastic Review

Well, here we are. Our first female-led Marvel movie (unless you count Ant Man and the Wasp, which I kind of do because Scott was basically useless and Hope ran the whole movie like a boss, but too bad she ran the show on a dull, rushed movie). How does it measure up?

It's fine.

I'd coin Captain Marvel as good, not great. It's definitely a popcorn flick, in the same vein of Ant Man for sure in terms of where it fits in our giant pantheon of MCU movies. I'd rank it dead center, so slightly underneath Cap 1 and Thor 2, but above Doctor Strange. I think Ant Man is a good comparison for the tone and the enjoyment of this movie, although it does do more to characterize the main lead than Ant Man did for Scott Lang. To be fair, though, somehow they end up in the same spot for my personal rankings.

So let's dive in and see why.

Overall Grade: B-

Pros:

-Plenty of action. No shortage on that whatsoever.

-Lots of off-world adventures, for those fans who sometimes are annoyed that too many MCU movies are earth-based. We don't hit earth until about the halfway point and there are still some shenanigans then.

-The dynamic between Carol and Fury is a lot of fun. Larson and Jackson work off each other's energy very well and the banter feels fun and familiar without ever veering into any weird territory. Fury is just as effective as ever at her side, and it's before he becomes full on grumpy Dad Fury, so he's a lot less cold and it's fun to see.

-It was also delightful getting to see Coulson one more time, although it's a cameo, not a whole role as some of the trailers sort of imply.

-The female relationships are probably the strongest in the Marvel lineup, aside from Black Panther. Particularly Carol, her best friend Maria, and Maria's daughter. We don't see a ton of it, but it's just enough to put a huge grin on your face. It's very warm and endearing. I also like that Maria was not only a supportive best friend struggling to get over her loss, but she got to join the action as well, and it was badass. I really am happy with Marvel pushing forward to give black women more representation in the superhero genre. Too many folks think black women in film are only sassy best friends or baby mamas or Tyler Perry stereotypes. We love sci-fi/fantasy just as much as everyone else, and so I loved seeing two beautiful black actresses shining next to Brie Larson and Samuel L. Jackson. It lends the film a lot of heart.

-Brie Larson is relatively decent in the role. She has some moments better than others, but overall, she did a good job. It never felt like she couldn't handle the work of beating some ass, and she sold me far more than Gal Gadot did as Wonder Woman. Which, yes, I know, it's unfair and kind of tasteless to compare them, but I have to note it since I didn't care for the WW movie that this is what I was talking about with film presence. Gal Gadot, to me, looks like a supermodel wearing a Wonder Woman costume. To me, she never embodied the poise, agility, and strength that Diana has in the comics or in the animated series. I believed Gadot more during the softer parts of the WW movie, but she couldn't pull off the action because she just doesn't have the presence. Larson does, imo. She carries herself in a manner that makes me feel like she can kick your ass. She has a stance and a stature that allows me to feel her strength, and it's in line with other Marvel women like Widow, Okoye, or Scarlet Witch.

-My favorite part of the movie is hands down the "I'm Just a Girl" by No Doubt scene. Oh my God. I was internally squeeing and singing along with the lyrics while she kicked ass. I was so delighted to see them perfectly use that song that I already liked in high school anyway, and it just worked so well.

-I also liked the montages of Carol getting back up. That is a really, really important image for the girls growing up to see. It's not about how many times you fall. It's about how many times you still get back up. That's great. We fall and get dirty and scuffed and mocked and hated. But we still get up and try again every time. Love it. It's very empowering.

-The de-aging looked pretty good. Jackson is tougher since he's gained weight since the size he was back in the 90's but they filled in his wrinkles well enough. Coulson's looked better, although I did notice just it a tad bit during the stairwell scene, but overall, I thought it was well done.

-Gosh, her costume looks amazing. I want it. I want to wear it for Halloween. It's gorgeous.

-The sequence of the Skrulls acquiring her memories was very neat and uniquely done. Kudos.

-THE MOTHERFUCKING FIRST END CREDITS SCENE. Y'ALL. I SCREAMED. I SCREAMED AND CLAPPED MY HANDS SO HARD I HURT THEM. OH MY GOD. SHE'S ON EARTH. THE QUEEN IS ON EARTH AND WE SHALL ALL BE SAVED. SHE IS GOING TO TURN FUCKING THANOS INTO FUCKING PURPLE CLAM CHOWDER WITH HER BARE HANDS FOR KILLING FURY AWWWWWW YEEEEEEEEEEAH BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII. Ahem. Sorry. I am really goddamn excited about that tiny piece of Avengers: Endgame because Marvel and the Russos have been so fucking stingy with details. We still don't know the plot. We only have that 30-second Superbowl spot and the Sad Stark trailer. I was livid they didn't give us a final trailer in front of this movie, but I guess with it a month and change away, they're just banking on us frothing at the mouth wanting more. Jerks. But anyway, yes, this fucking scene is mint and I wish I could rewind it.

-Nick naming the Avenger Initiative after her was a great cherry on top moment.

-I fucking lost it when Nick started singing “Mr. Postman.” Deadass, I just started listening to that song about a month ago thanks to that one famous Vine where those dudes sung it acapella. I was dying. You go, Nick. 

Cons:

-This movie overall has a bit of a bland taste to it. It's most revolving around Carol. The problem is that I think they were too chicken to dive deeply into who she is and her personality and her desires because they were afraid the feminists would complain that they made her too soft, so they replaced it all with action. Which is fine, some people just want a girl kicking ass, but I think it did Carol and Larson a disservice by rushing everything and doing drive-by characterization. The dialogue doesn't stick as well due to the bland flavoring, for example. If you ask me who Carol Danvers is, I can't really tell you. I can tell you what she does, but not who she is. I regret that probably the most out of everything. This movie is a bit of a vehicle than a movie where we discover who she is. We discover what she is, but not who she is. She's kind of just every tough, stubborn, smartass female lead you could see in maybe an Avengers OC fic on AO3. She really needed more distinct quirks and likes and dislikes, and I really fault them for cutting out her life on the Kree planet. It would have shown us so much more about her if we knew what her Kree life was like juxtaposed against her original human life, and it could up the stakes and help them sink it, and give more immediacy and concern to the dangers she faced.

-The villains were telegraphed. Again, people ding Marvel for this all the time. It's because they seem to struggle with balance. Often, the villains are thin to cut down the running time by not developing them at all. It's a shame. I've always found Jude Law very entertaining and I think they should have given him something to work with other than Obvious Bad Guy Pretending To Be Good. It was so transparent, much like the bitchy sister villain from Incredibles II. He might as well have been twirling a mustache. I mean, any dude who tells you your emotions are bad is probably not on the up-and-up. And it would have been better to see him and Carol square off at the end in an emotional battle than for it to just be a cheap shot and a joke. But I digress.

-While there was a lot of action, aside from the "Just a Girl" sequence, I will forget it all by morning. I think they wanted the movie to have mass appeal, so a lot of it comes across as generic. The stuff that stands out more are bits like finally seeing what alien Goose actually was or some of Fury's quips and the bits with Maria's daughter and Carol. The action itself is serviceable, but I'd have liked it to have more flavor if possible.

-Not outlining the limit to Carol's powers. This is going to be tough lining up with Endgame because she's so god-like we're gonna wonder if she just bitchslaps Thanos and that's the end. She feels overpowered without the chip limiting her, so I would have liked them to give us some kind of idea as to how she won't just wipe the floor with him in retribution in Endgame.

-Nitpick: Nick losing his eye to Goose annoyed me. People called it. I didn't want them to be right, but ugh, they were. It was a bit too silly for me.

-Nitpick: They really didn't need to waste our time with the second end credits being Goose puking up the Tesseract. We knew he did. You didn't have to show it, dummies.

-Nitpick: Was hoping for some 90's era cameos from at least one other Avenger, but no such luck. Damn. What a letdown.

I had fun, and I am eager to see her fit into the rest of the MCU. And I am also selfishly even more interested in Kamala Khan someday popping in as the new generation of heroes. Please, God, give me Kamala Khan. I want her and my son Peter Parker to team up and be the cutest superhero dorks ever. But until then...God help us all. Endgame is coming.

Enjoy the sunlight coming off of Ms. Danvers.

Because it's finna get dark up in here, my children.

See you in Endgame.

Kyo out.