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sophieinwonderland · 7 months ago

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The Plurality of... Bill Cipher (The Book of Bill)

Spoiler Warning for Gravity Falls, The Book of Bill, and the nature of reality as you know it

Hello dear reader.

I recently found in my possession a strange book with no explanation as to how it got there. A bizarre tome known only as The Book of Bill.

I recognized the name and imagery from someone else's memories. Bill Cipher, a character from Alex Hirsch's hit series Gravity Falls.

It honestly seemed too perfect. I've been doing this "Plurality of..." series where I look at plurality in media. And an important part of Bill's shtick was possession.

It seemed simple enough. I can read the book, learn a bit about Bill and his possession, and then write an article about his plurality. But the reality was anything by simple, with far more than I bargained for.

And by the end of this post, this book will have driven me to break a fundamental rule I've held sacred through my "Plurality Of..." series.

What is Plurality?

Before we begin, I should explain what plurality is for anyone new here. Plurality is a term for being multiple in one body in some way.

We call the body's occupants "headmates". These can be anything from alters in dissociative disorders to spirit guides bound to a mortal, to... yes... even literal demonic possession.

Yeah, even being possessed by a demonic triangle from a 2-dimensional universe is a type of plurality. If there are multiple self-conscious agents of some kind there, it's plural!

Time To Get Weird!

(Art by magentasnail)

Let's catch you up on the basics real quick. Again, there will be huge Gravity Falls spoilers.

In Gravity Falls, Bill Cipher is a yellow a 2-dimensional triangle demon bent on causing chaos.

Through the series, Bill makes deals with multiple characters to possess their bodies. This includes both gaining full control over the body of protagonist Dipper Pines for an episode, and more interestingly, sharing control over the body of Stanford Pines for an extended period of time.

Bill's possession of Dipper left Dipper outside his body like a ghost. But his deal with Stanford is much more plural in nature, where they shared control, with Bill only controlling the body in his sleep.

Obviously real plural systems don't have headmates controlling their body while they sleep like this, but the experience can be seen as analogous to dissociative identity disorder, where it's common to experience blackouts and "wake up" in situations unsure how you got there.

That's all you really need to know about Bill for the time being.

With that out of the way, it's time get weird and dive straight into the Book of Bill!

The Book of Bills

As I begin reading the Book of Bill, I'm given a warning from Stanford Pines that the book will rewrite itself based on the mind of the reader. This seems silly, and I of course dismiss the idea out of hand. Surely there's no way a book could change itself based on who's reading it.

As I venture further into this tome, I find the occasional point of interest. References to Bill living in people's brain, him being an idea, etc.

I stop briefly to ponder that. Why does Bill refer to himself as an idea? Isn't he canonically a being from a physical 2-dimensional world? Him being described as an idea is peculiar, but something I tuck away for the future.

The first thing I find that really piques my interest in regards to plurality is the multiple times that it's just referenced that there are multiple Bills in Bill's head. Such as when Bill refers to "the voices in his head" teaming up.

In the plural community, there's a concept known as median system.

A median system is typically a system which has separate parts that are less distinct from each other. There's a pretty solid case that Bill, having a bunch of Bills in his head, could be considered a median system on his own.

In fact, the book itself actually depicts communication between multiple Bills, in the form of an interview.

And throughout the interview, there are times where the Prime Bill seemingly gets annoyed at the interviewer's questions. As if they are actually different people. While this could be Bill simply duplicating himself and pretending for comedic effect, it could just as easily be that both Bills are headmates in Bill's system.

Bill being a median system is a pretty interesting direction.

As I read on though, the book dragged me down yet another rabbit hole, and raised an important question.

Does Bill Have A Dissociative Disorder???

Let's talk about dissociative identity disorder. There are two main criteria for DID. Criterion A is the presence of two or more distinct personality states. You know, like those Bills in Bill's head.

The second is memory loss.

Recurrent gaps in the recall of everyday events, important personal information, and/or traumatic events.

This is what was on my mind when Bill was describing how he was uniquely gifted with the ability to see into the third dimension, and wanted to teach others this same skill.

But when he tries to recount it... this happened...

To me, this sounds exactly what was described in criterion B. This is also called dissociative amnesia.

And it's not just this one-off example. Bill actually references later that he dissociates (his words) and "wakes up" later after a conquest.

With everything we know, it seems incredibly likely that Bill has DID, or at least a related disorder.

Bill is what he eats

Okay... wait...

So Bill can ALSO imprison the souls of those he eats inside himself, and they can apparently take over Bill's body too???

What actually is going on here? Is this one of Bill's powers? He can just eat entire universes and then whatever he consumes becomes a part of him? Or maybe it's something else...

Maybe if we looked at this less literally and consider the previous hints of Bill having a dissociative disorder then perhaps what is going on is that Bill is introjecting these people.

Maybe whenever he enters somebody's mind, some piece of them remains...

I would love to speculate more on this... But this is the only mention of it in the entire book!

At this point, I begin to reflect on the words at the beginning. Maybe it was true that the book was changing itself to give me what I wanted. Little hints of plurality to keep me reading, to ensnare me in its vicious trap and ultimately drive me to madness.

And the worst part was, I was falling into it anyway. Because I had to know, even if this was a trap, I was in it to the very end. My thirst for knowledge and understanding unquenchable.

Even if I knew I should stop here, there was no going back.

Stanford Pines, Bill's Perfect Host

At last, beyond all of the misdirects that were put in my way, I arrived at the reason that I started on this journey.

Stanford Pines.

I need to say that when I started this journey, planning to delve into what the plurality of Bill and Ford might be like, I never imagined that it would be handled so... Beautifully.

I mean that genuinely!

I love the relationship of these two characters in the book!

They are both very out of place in their own ways. Both are aware of things in their world that are denied by others, leaving them ridiculed and ostracized for it. They manage to form a genuine friendship. Even if Bill was using Stanford the whole time to achieve his Weirdmageddon.

The two compliment each other surprisingly well. Bill provides Stanford with a friend who can get him out of his comfort zone, which is something that I think Stanford really needed.

There's a really fun part of the book where Bill just gets Stanford mind-drunk, which is apparently something he can do.

Bill fills a role in Stanford's life that nobody had since he lost contact with his brother. While Stanford had friend in with Fiddleford, his lab partner, and we do get to see parts of that friendship in the book, they are more like work acquaintances.

Alas, it wasn't meant to be. Because in the end, Bill is still an evil demon who was bent on bringing about the Weirdmageddon and was manipulating Ford the whole time.

And when Stanford found out, he tried to shut Bill out. This led to Bill trying to communicate through sticky notes to get Ford to stop ignoring him. He would front in the body at night while Ford slept, and they carried on a conversation through these sticky notes.

Wait... Sticky notes?

This is such an interesting choice for the character! Especially after so many hints of Bill Cipher having some sort of dissociative disorder.

Why?

Because sticky notes are an actual method that real DID systems use to communicate with their alters, as seen in this post from the NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) website.

It's fascinating how, if you were to try to depict how headmates with strong dissociative barriers might communicate, this is one of the ways you would want to do that!

Is this coincidental? Maybe. But the talk of dissociation earlier suggests the author also has at least some basic knowledge of dissociation and how it works. And, perhaps, plurality as well?

Overall, this whole section with Bill and Ford was fantastic, and it was well-worth the read for that on its own.

The End?

I suppose this is the end. I found what I wanted. I got the content I was after. A cool plural story of a guy and his headmate from another dimension who wants to take over the world.

Through all the strange distractions and hints of Bill himself having headmates that seemingly went nowhere, I got more plurality in the book than I expected.

And yet, as I turn the final page of the book, I feel unsatisfied. Unsettled.

"Is that it?" I think to myself.

This is Gravity Falls, a show built on mysteries, and looking deeper than the surface. Surely there has to be more. Right?

What if... all the plurality in this book, is obscuring something deeper? Or maybe hinting at something deeper...

And then... I see it!

After the final page, I come to the About the Author section.

Which means it's time to talk about...

The Plurality of... Bill Cipher Alex Hirsch

Yes, I am going there!

In the beginning, I promised that this post will require me to break a rule I've held sacred through these posts.

That rule... is to never speculate on the plurality of the author.

But, Alex Hirsch, at least in a fictional sense, hasn't exactly shied away from the idea of being "possessed" by Bill. This dates back at least a decade, with him making Tweets like this one.

"Bill Cipher" even did an AMA on Reddit through Alex, playing it off as Bill possessing Hirsch while he slept.

It's a pretty open secret in the Gravity Falls community that Alex Hirsch is "possessed" by Bill. At least in some meta-fiction way that may not be canon to Gravity Falls but isn't quite real either.

And were my analysis to stop here, I wouldn't really be saying anything new or valuable. A lot of this was covered by MatPat on Film Theory.

But there's something I want to go back to that confuses me in this book.

That Bill Cipher... is an idea?

Let's bring this full circle, back to the beginning of the book where Bill mentions that he's imaginary and describes himself as an idea.

These are such weird lines because Bill didn't seem to have originated from people's minds within the narrative of Gravity Falls.

His story is of being a being from a literal flat world. So why then, does he describe himself as an idea? Why does he describe himself as imaginary???

Bill Cipher as Alex Hirsch's Tulpa

While Bill being an idea doesn't make sense if he's speaking as a being from a 2-dimensional world that's real to him, it does make sense if we consider that the Bill talking to us, who wrote the Book of Bill, is a tulpa sharing the body of its creator.

Before going on though, we need to answer an important question. What is a tulpa? The r/tulpas subreddit gives its own answer to this in its FAQ.

The simplest way to describe a tulpa is simply another person who was created intentionally/unintentionally through repeated interaction and shares a body and mind with their creator. A more complicated definition can go as follows: A tulpa is believed to be an autonomous consciousness coinhabiting a brain with their creator, often with a form of their creator's initial choice and design. A tulpa is entirely sentient and in control of their opinions, feelings, form and movement. They are willingly created via a number of techniques to act as companions, muses, and advisers. Tulpa forms can either be visualized in the mind's eye, or, with practice, seen as a hallucinatory figure using a technique called imposition.

And let's stop there on the line about being created as muses, because this is something that's found repeated throughout both The Book of Bill and Journal 3, with Stanford referring to Bill as his "muse."

It's a curious term that doesn't appear in the show, but was added to the lore in these two supplemental books.

The FAQ goes on to explain that while tulpas are often considered to be intentionally created, there are also accidental tulpas that can arise through imaginary friends or from writing characters.

Is it possible to accidentally make a tulpa? Yes - many people join the community after realizing they have had tulpas all their lives, but without knowing what they were called. These "accidental" tulpas often arise from imaginary friends and writing/roleplay characters.

On the point of roleplay characters, something I also haven't mentioned yet is that Alex Hirsch didn't just write the character of Bill Cipher. He WAS Bill Cipher. In the show, Bill is one of the characters Hirsch voices along with Grunkle Stan and Soos.

Writing tulpas and how they come about are discussed a bit more below:

Is this a new phenomena? No, it's a practice that goes back in recorded history at least as far as the Greek philosophers. The present name of the phenomenon is derived from the word used by Tibetan monks in the early 20th century. There's also evidence to suggest dedicated prayer can lead to the development of 'religious tulpas' in the minds of the particularly devout, and on the secular end, writing techniques similar to tulpa development techniques can and have resulted in writers creating accidental tulpas from their characters. Having a tulpa is nothing new, although it's gone by many names throughout the course of history and does so even today. However, we believe we are one of the first groups to address this practice as a psychological phenomena rather than a magical, occult or divine experience.

Tulpamancy and Attention

There was another passage from the book that I found noteworthy.

At the end, Stanford describes what truly sustains Bill isn't power, but attention, which Stanford describes as Bill's "lifeblood."

It's even underlined for emphasis.

Why is this important? Well first, this line goes back to the weird lines earlier suggesting Bill is an idea.

But more importantly, feeding on attention is something which is actually a pretty popular philosophy in tulpamancy. That tulpas feed on and are sustained by the attention of their hosts.

How do I give my tulpa energy? Tulpas are sustained by attention, and energy is a convenient metaphor for this. So, you can give your tulpa energy by interacting with them. It is also possible, through no shortage of work and time on the part of host and tulpa alike, for a tulpa to grow beyond this need and to learn how to sustain themselves.

How much attention/energy/interaction does my tulpa need? During the creation process you should aim to interact with your tulpa daily, anywhere from a few minutes up to a few hours, and narrating to them as and when you can. After they're fully vocal and active, the bare minimum is just acknowledging their existence, but spending time talking to them and interacting with them is very much the point of bringing them into existence. Just don't ignore them, and you'll both be fine.

On Parallels in Writing

Adding another layer, it's likely that Stanford Pines is at least partially based on Alex Hirsch himself.

One point of trivia is that Alex Hirsch has a twin sister, and Gravity Falls was inspired by vacations they would take as children. Dipper and Mabel being based on Alex and his sister is pretty well-known. But towards the end of season 2, it's revealed that their Grunkle Stan is a twin himself, with his brother being Stanford Pines, the author of the journals.

During this part of the story, it starts creating a parallel between the relationships of the younger and older twins, with Dipper (who is based on Alex) bonding with Stanford over how much they have in common. Both are nerds who are into writing and science and uncovering the mysteries of the world. Both are a bit socially awkward as well.

And while not much attention is drawn to this particular connection, both had experiences of making deals with Bill that let Bill takeover their bodies at different points.

Based on the parallels between Dipper and Stanford, one might speculate that Alex based Dipper on his younger self, while Stanford was loosely based on himself as an adult.

The personalities of these two characters are also the most likely to create a tulpa based on the psychological profiles of most tulpamancers.

In 2016, Dr. Samuel Veissiere, a psychiatry professor at McGill University, found the following in his study of tulpamancers:

From coding of qualitative interviews collected in large surveys, the most common tulpamancer profile to emerge is one of a highly cerebral, imaginative, highly articulate, upper-middle class, formally educated person with many consistently pursued interests, talents, and hobbies, but limited channels of physical social interaction. Typical tulpamancers are confident about their talents, but are quite modest and socially shy. They possess – or have cultivated – a high propensity for concentration, absorption, hypnotisability, and non-psychotic sensory hallucinations.

The psychological profile of tulpamancers fits both Dipper and Stanford to a t. And many of these same traits could just as easily be true for Alex Hirsch if these characters were meant to be stand-ins for himself.

Is Alex Hirsch trying to tell us that he's plural?

In the end, this is just a theory. And it's one that I feel nervous making because plurality is so deep and personal. That's why I've avoided speculating on the plurality authors in the past. Even when the writing feels so true to the plural experience that it's hard to imagine that someone who isn't plural wrote it.

So why am I making an exception with this one?

Well, in this particular case, I think that the breadcrumbs are being left intentionally, and if he is plural, then he expects somebody to follow them. I'm not worried that I would be outing somebody who didn't want others to find out.

With Alex Hirsch's love of codes and clues and mysteries, if he were plural, I have to imagine that the hints weren't accidental and he would be wondering if anybody would follow them.

And if I am completely off base and he's not plural, I think that he would still appreciate the theorizing anyway. 🤷‍♀️

But if these are intentional clues that were left behind to hint at a real life plurality, one might ask why.

Why would he want people to know about it, and hint at it in this way?

Well, I think the Book of Bill might have an answer to that too.

Shame is a powerful emotion. But it grows in the dark. The more I've tried to hide my past with Bill, the more hold it's had over me.

Perhaps this line is meant to reflect Alex Hirsch's own feelings. Because many plural systems have felt this same way about their plurality, having hide their relationships to their headmates.

The actual end now

Finally, we come to the real ending of this.

This is, again, just a theory. I don't want anyone taking it as fact. I admit that I could be completely wrong about everything that I've said here.

But if nothing else, it's at least fun to imagine that Alex Hirsch does have a Bill Cipher tulpa in his head that has been acting as his muse this whole time. And it would give a new meaning to the gag of the Weirdmageddon intro saying Gravity Falls was "created by Bill Cipher" all those years ago.

Thanks for reading, and if you have your own muse that you think might be more than a simple muse, be sure to read my guide on how to know if your imaginary friend is sentient.

And if you like this post and want to see more like it, you may want to check out The Plurality of… Avatar: The Last Airbender or The Plurality of… IF

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reclusivebookslug · 2 years ago

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Bella Swan is Autistic: An Analysis

(Disclaimers: I enjoy Twilight in spite of its problematic elements, not because of them or in ignorance of them. There are as many different ways to be autistic as there are autistic people. Many allistic people will relate on some level to some aspects of the autistic experience; this does not make them autistic. This is all just my opinion, based on my experience as a late-diagnosed, low-support-needs autistic woman. I am aware this is not a brand-new original idea.)

I reread Twilight (I think for the first time since getting diagnosed 4 years ago) and I found a bunch of things I relate to Bella about. Below the cut is a list of some of her autism-related character traits with quotes for textual evidence. The links lead to articles explaining how these traits relate to autism. The list is ordered chronologically based on page number of the accompanied quotes. Page numbers are based on the paperback edition with ISBN-13: 9780316015844. A backslash in a quote signifies a paragraph break. I’ll update if I read any of the other books or rewatch the movies and anything new comes up.

Bella has trouble regulating her emotional expressions: she has to put conscious effort into how she presents herself

"I'd always been a bad liar" (p. 4). "For some reason, my temper was hardwired to my tear ducts. I usually cried when I was angry, a humiliating tendency" (p. 25). "I had never been enormously tactful" (p. 31). "'My face is so easy to read -- my mother always calls me her open book'" (p. 50).

Bella is shy and a bit socially awkward: she avoids attention for fear of embarrassment

"Charlie wasn't comfortable with expressing his emotions out loud. I inherited that from him" (p. 7). "Mr. Varner... was the only one who made me stand in front of the class and introduce myself. I stammered, blushed, and tripped over my own boots on the way to my seat" (p. 17). "To my dismay, I found myself the center of attention for the rest of the week" (pp. 68-69).

Bella feels different from other people: she doesn’t know how to connect with others and feels pressure to fit in

"I didn't relate well to people my age. Maybe the truth was that I didn't relate well to people, period. Even my mother, who I was closer to than anyone else on the planet, was never in harmony with me, never on exactly the same page. Sometimes I wondered if I was seeing the same things through my eyes that the rest of the world was seeing through theirs. Maybe there was a glitch in my brain" (pp. 10-11). "I answered honestly, instead of pretending to be normal like everyone else" (p. 47). “'My mind doesn't work right? I'm a freak?' The words bothered me more than they should -- probably because his speculation hit home. I'd always suspected as much, and it embarrassed me to have it confirmed" (p. 181).

Bella has a unique sense of humor: other people don’t get her jokes and she doesn’t get other peoples’ jokes

"'You don't look very tan.' / 'My mother is part albino.' / He studied my face apprehensively, and I sighed. It looked like clouds and a sense of humor didn't mix. A few months of this and I'd forget how to use sarcasm" (p. 16). “Bella was being unintentionally funny” (p. 367).

Bella finds comfort in routine: the change in routine from moving was difficult for her, and she felt better once the new routine became familiar

"I fell into the pattern of the familiar task gladly" (p. 33).

Bella is academically gifted: she finds assignments easier than her peers do, she has already read the books assigned in her English course

"'Were you in an advanced placement program in Phoenix?' / 'Yes'" (p. 47).

Bella enjoys being alone: she is introverted and enjoys solitary activities

"In a lot of ways, living with Charlie was like having my own place, and I found myself reveling in the aloneness instead of being lonely" (p. 54). "I've never minded being alone" (p. 241).

Bella has motor difficulties: she is clumsy, uncoordinated, accident-prone, and bad at sports

"Possibly my crippling clumsiness was seen as endearing rather than pathetic, casting me as a damsel in distress" (p. 55). "My sense of direction was hopeless; I could get lost in much less helpful surroundings" (p. 136).

Bella has special interests: Edward and books

"... no one else was as aware of Edward as I always was. No one else watched him the way I did" (p. 69). "I was sitting in my room, researching vampires. What was wrong with me" (p. 135)? "... they didn't know how preoccupied I could get when surrounded by books; it was something that I preferred to do alone" (p. 156).

Bella is perceived as different by others: a history of social exclusion is hinted at, Edward’s mind-reading doesn’t work on her

"'It's better if we're not friends,' he explained. 'Trust me.' / My eyes narrowed. I'd heard that before” (pp. 74-75). "He enunciated every syllable, as if he were talking to someone mentally handicapped" (p. 83). "'My mom always says I was born thirty-five years old and that I get more middle-aged every year'" (p. 106). ".'.. maybe your mind doesn't work the same way the rest of theirs do. Like your thoughts are on the AM frequency and I'm only getting FM'” (p. 181). "'You're not like anyone I've ever known. ... / ... 'I have a better than average grasp of human nature. People are predictable. But you ... you never do what I expect. You always take me by surprise'" (p. 245).

Bella has sensory differences: she notices and is bothered by things others don’t and aren’t, she engages in sensory-seeking and sensory-avoiding behavior when stressed

"'People can't smell blood,' he contradicted. / 'Well, I can -- that's what makes me sick. It smells like rust ... and salt" (p. 100). "I put in my headphones, hit Play, and turned up the volume until it hurt my ears. I closed my eyes, but the light still intruded, so I added a pillow over the top of my face" (pp. 129-130). "'You're always crabbier when your eyes are black ... I expect it then' ... 'I have a theory about that'" (p. 171). “For three and a half hours I stared at the wall, curled in a ball, rocking” (p. 425).

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mobiused · 2 years ago

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Ora..

(from lastyvesniin - translation under cut)

Hello everyone, this is Yves

Yesterday I opened my blog and wrote my first post "Ora [woah]" was my reaction, since my comments section was filled with way more positive comments than I thought You don't know how touching I found that.,, Actually, I asked the company several times and when I got permission "Ah I'm totally doing this in vain" I was worrying about, but even if other people don't like it, as long as my fans tell me they like it, then I'll be happy. From now on even if it's hard to do every day or often, I'll meet your expectations!

[Yves mom sends an article about Yves opening her blog. Mom: Saw this on Naver Yves: Guess I'm a little popular... Mom: Is that so]

[Caption: Thanks for picking out a pretty picture, Reporter-nim!]

My mom looks at articles or fan comments every day, so like this she sent me the article she found Of course replying like that, I'm seriously just joking… Just our world where we don't necessarily have any news to share every day, my mom who is more complicated than anybody else, I guess that kind of little news would make her happy Thank you to the reporters who took an interest in the nobody that is me! And the fans who take the time to come find it, you guys… You already know my heart right? (or maybe you don't…)

[Caption: I added two shots but I don't think my hands even shake anymore…] Now I can't even start my mornings without coffee anymore Lately I've been getting greedy so I have my coffees with two shots I've been wanting to lower it again though The coffee capsule is from Ediya's personal blend I hate acidity, but I found out I quite like the nutty flavor. But lately I keep forgetting… and zoning out, so I haven't needed the support of a second cup, and I've lowered the shot… Thanks to me, the coffee machine stand is getting washed every day.

[Two birthday letters from Yves' Mom] [Caption: 'Activate Tears' button on the the fridge] The first thing I read when I wake up in the morning to open the fridge door I read it every time I look at it Ever since I debuted, my mom sent me food for my birthday She always sends it with a letter too, so I think about my mom expressing her feelings to me I always end up in a bunch of tears falling as if someone pressed a button. So somehow I end up kinda depressed? when my birthday rolls around cuz I'm always close to tears It's something that's been on my mind Someday I must repay the sentiment

[Avril Lavigne - 'Let's Go' on Vinyl] [Caption: Accidental house introduction today]

Next to my bathroom, this is the place where you can appreciate the analog vibe I've liked Avril Lavigne since the olden days, so I guess I listen to this LP a lot But I've left it like that for several days so I got all dusty now You know how when people don't touch things with their hands for a long time, dust occurs from that So, in books or movies, you know how they show the places where dust has accumulated It kinda makes me feel like I'm really alive, or at least that's how I feel If you try shake your clothes out, dust will fly off of it… Whilst looking at me from space, I guess I look like just a speck of dust but When I see dust on this Earth, rather than dust, I just keep ruminating thoughts smaller than dust.

[Caption: Kim Yongmyeong-sunbaenim.ᐟ I'm your fan]

When I'm at home I usually lie down like this I think If you lie down raising your arms like this and feel comfortable, that means your upper body is already broken I'm a mess, but I'm still gonna choose a happy life

[Caption: By the window]

I'm weirdly scared of the big wide sea, but I like water in the fishbowl and the fish inside too

[Caption: My ocean-room (video)]

I found and played the sound of the ocean from Youtube to show you this By the way, on AliExpress (I've been windowshopping there lately) whilst looking around This fishtank lamp kept popping up though? I dunno if this phone picks up on my voice or something… it's kind of scary but I like it so much that I went ahead and bought it Please take a look at it

[Caption: The space behind the sofa]

I'm sure my fans know that I like football, right… When I went to Sangam Stadium there were fans who recognised me there, I was so amazed how they knew it was me.,,? But that time, most people there were wearing uniforms and I was the only one who wasn't so I was so embarrassed So, "someday I have to buy a uniform!" was something I had thought about only, but My manager gave it to me as a birthday presents ㅎㅎ Fans too, probably collect our merch thinking like this, which is cute to think about But right at this moment there's probably people selling my photocards on Dangun as we speak… I look it up every now and then and my heart hurts, but I guess it can't be helped right?

[Caption: The day I went to a PC cafe for the third time in my life]

In Busan, I went to the PC cafe to buy tickets for the match against Peru From turning on the computer to signing up.. Time's a ticking.. I was so exhausted by it all, I wasn't even nervous whilst ticketing (not true) I clicked on a popup too - why I clicked on it I still don't understand, but Fortunately the militia(?) of unnies came to save me, so I was able to get a good seat… They were my older sister's friends, and they're all into k-pop so their ticketing skills are seriously no joke Anyway, let's have a good time in Busan together

[Caption: You did well!!!!!]

Even though I usually sleep through the morning, I woke up at 5:30am to watch the semifinals of the U20 players I really took in the atmosphere… I felt so proud of them "Unfortunately" is something that's said a lot, but I think that's the only way they can express how I feel All I can say is For getting to the 4th round, our players are so so cool and you must've worked so hard!

The best ice cream in my life I like Kkandori the most out of anything in the world I used to buy them in wholesale packs of 100 and put them in my parents' freezer and I feel relieved when I see Kkandori in the freezer Aside from that, I also like Bibibig, Watermelon Bar, Fishbread Samanco, etc

Kkandori and a neighbourhood walk

Sorry I'm not wearing any makeup but I just wanted to show you how I feel when I eat Kkandori

[Image: Trudging around. My daily life.] [Caption: Sourced from Pinterest]

Actually, there's nothing in my daily life I was wondering if I could even hit 100 Neighbours (T/N: followers) but you guys showed a lot of interest, so as soon as I woke up, Wow, I thought I better hurry up and write a sequel so, I hurriedly took pictures around my house and scribbled this down In the next episode, I'll show you my daily life more neatly

[Caption: Suddenly?]

If I just sent it like this you'd think it was just a fake, so My bangs are always usually split down the middle like this Maybe its just because I've had no bangs [t/n: Kkanmori] for such a long time… Kkandori

[Image: For those who haven't prepared, June is just around the corner]

I'll just follow this trend I wanted to use this pic in the last post but unfortunately didn't so I'll post it here How many people feel ready? But because we're not ready, this world makes us despair and cry, but also feel happy about the little things, right? Happiness isn't the goal, its in the journey I don't know it well yet but I'm trying to find happiness in the small things. If you were to ask me what happiness is to me, I think I'd say tranquility. What exactly is being tranquil though?

[Caption: Friend took this picture of me on the subway]

These days I'm trying to heal my weak heart by becoming a plant owner, The friend sitting next to me is a Parlour Palm (or 'happiness', bought at Daiso) But raising it isn't particularly difficult But like its true name, happiness itself is hard. In the next installment, I'll introduce all my plant friends

[Image: Thank you]

Thank you for reading my rambling and unedited writings For those who are reading this, whether today or tomorrow, or the many days that come afterwards Even if it's nothing special, I hope you get by unscathed and have a peaceful day … I have to get ready to go out now I've decided to work hard over the small things too since I made a promise with fans Fighting! I love you

Even though you guys know my name but I don't know your name I love you !

#this was SO hard to translate #loona #yves #yves loona #loona yves #ha sooyoung #lastyvesniin

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donnerpartyofone · 10 months ago

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I have been selfishly sitting in the direct path of these fans at church. Fortunately no one is fighting me for the seat; I know old people can get very cold, maybe they don't overheat as quickly for the same reasons? Anyway, now I get to watch the slow death of the lilies placed at the feet of Saint Anthony for his feast last week. I'm a big fan of him, especially as a person who chronically loses things (“Saint Anthony, Saint Anthony please come around. Something is lost and needs to be found!"), but I also like that he spoke multiple languages and was extremely eloquent and compelling. As someone with pretensions of being a writer, that's an enviable claim to fame; people tell me I'm articulate but I don't think I have ever won an argument one single time in my whole life. Imagine being so convincing that people want to do this to your jaw bone?

There's a story about him that seems to both contradict and reinforce this reputation, in which he preaches to a bunch of heretics who ignore or insult him, so he says "fuck this" and goes to preach to the creatures of the sea--who are startlingly responsive. I wish there were more great artistic renditions of this episode than I have found, but I enjoy the Böcklin one a great deal:

(I wish I could find a sharper version but oh well) On a related note, today I learned that the word "daily" that describes "bread" in the Lord's Prayer is translated from a Greek word that appears just twice in the New Testament, and again only in a 5th century Egyptian shopping list. It may have been originally coined to approximate whatever Jesus originally said in Aramaic or Hebrew, and its exact meaning remains controversial and mysterious:

Possibilities include daily as in "quotidian", or daily as in "forever" (like all of the days comprising eternity), or something more like "essential" (what is needed to sustain a day), or more likely "SUPERessential" as in either "abundant, more than necessary" or "beyond material essence and into the essence of spirit". Of course I'm being very clumsy in my own approximations but the Wikipedia article is really interesting. I like the interpretation that says "Give us today the bread of tomorrow," perhaps meaning sustenance for the afterlife.

Of course the copy-of-a-copy-of-a-copy sensation attached to the Bible is one reason why it's hard to get secular people on board with religion (including me). You are always just "taking someone's word for it", but it's hard to even say exactly whose word we are taking. And what the word really is, or was. Even the word "word" is loaded, it's like some hybrid of "concept" and "intention", as in "the Word made flesh". Today when I was looking at the statue of Saint Anthony I noticed that he has a book open--who knows what book, but he can't possibly be reading it because Jesus is stomping all over it. It's funny to think of Saint Anthony trying to read (probably) scripture that the Christ Child is completely in the way of. I guess whoever designed the statue would probably prefer that I not read too much into it.

#star of the sea

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paramorearchived · 1 year ago

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June 17, 2010

Transcript:

strange youth

long time coming, this post is....... was.... why am i talking like yoda now?

so, i'm really excited to be writing here. not really sure what i'm going to write about yet but that's what makes it exciting. i guess i can start with, it's been a wild month, to say the least. "life is a daring adventure or nothing at all". is there really more to say about that than that? ok, well one more thing... human beings are no less respectable when they are at their most vulnerable. and that's why i try to have faith in people.

right now, it's about 12:30am - we landed here in Hamburg, Germany about 10 hours ago. all i've done is sleep, watch movies and "glaze" my hair. i'm trying not to dye it at all this summer besides right before the honda civic tour. i like the way the colors fade and how strung out i start to look with my hair turning all sorts of greenish yellow. it's even better when i don't wear any make-up out. what a sight. anyways, i'm tired and at the same time completely restless. and in, what some people would call, a "desperate need" for a shower. and what's most exciting is that my face wash spilled out into the rest of my toiletry bag. there's still a little left though. on the flight over, i read half of a new book i've started called Wonderland Avenue. it's by Danny Sugerman, in case you're interested, who happens to be my voice doctors' brother. NEATO! the author of this book not only met and hung around The Doors as a young kid around the age of 13 ... but by the time he was out of his teens he was already managing them AND Iggy Pop. (if you aren't aware of these artists, get to googling). so yeah, couldn't put that book down until finally i had to... cause me and jeremy wanted to watch Shutter Island on the plane tv's. that's right, folks, business class seats have an assortment of movies available to you on little personal tv's. what a bunch of snobs we must be! by the time we were done with that movie we realized we still weren't tired so we watched Fantastic Mr. Fox (directed by Wes Anderson, an absolute genius)... and then as jeremy fell asleep i proceeded to doodle in my journal and listen to Nirvana's 'Incesticide', then Mumford and Sons' 'Sigh No More'. it was a good flight. clearly, i got a lot of things accomplished.

again, i'm still just sitting here in my hotel room letting the orange glaze sit in my hair until i finally give in to a shower. i didn't even have enough orange left to cover my full head, so just get over it when you see me and i look like a hot mess.

maybe now is a good place and time to state my opinion on our being everywhere at the same time. seems like we've got just about every magazine covered this month, people are playing our songs and i'm singing on B.o.B's song and it's just crazy all the time. i do love it... it's a lot of fun to work hard and see your work all around you. yet at the same time, there are still large number of people that i don't think will ever get it. the SPIN article (you know, the cover one) that was just printed about us doesn't really seem to say anything ABOUT us as a band. and it seems that in most cases writers simply enjoy looking at us and exclaiming - like they've discovered something huge - "THEY'RE YOUNG!" or of course there's always, "THEY'RE CHRISTIANS"... or "THEY DON'T SHOOT UP IN THE BACK OF THE BUS!" what is this the 80's? is it really that sensational that we aren't the second coming of Motley Crue? does our music suggest that we should be acting otherwise? listen, i'm not trying to sit here and wreck the writer from SPIN. i'm sure it's hard to get a handle on any band within the amount of time given to capture "our story". maybe reading articles about us just gets a little monotonous, that's all. oh and i'm not actually friends with McLovin or Miley. awkward turtle.

and on a slightly different tip, it's my opinion that anyone who is coming onto our band looking for controversy is completely missing the point. the point isn't in the intent of controversy, the point is that there is no way around it. as people, aren't we all bursting at the seams with conflict and controversy? the point of our music is that there are human hearts in it. because anyone knows that eventually, someone will find something on you. if you don't do drugs, you probably have another addiction. even innocent. we could stop looking for the wrongs and realize that they're inevitable on the way to something more meaningful. i'm not totally preaching here. talking to myself as well, in case you wondered. who knows? maybe i really am just bored with giving music journalists the benefit of the doubt. like they're really gonna let people know what we would want to tell them. yet still, i want to have faith in people. and anyways, what WOULD we want to tell people if we had that much space to write about ourselves? it would probably end up just the same. does it ever bug you guys? do you ever feel like some people are just missing it?

when you come to a show do you feel the same thing that i feel when i'm on that stage? i mean, i know you're not standing on the stage... but surely you can feel the same energy that i'm feeling, to some degree. it's so much more powerful than all the trivial nonsense that people chalk our band up to be. it means something great and it feels empowering. it's the grace of knowing that we can all totally suck and be a little messed up and then stand in a room with thousands of other people who are exactly the same way, no matter how dressed up they look on the outside, and we can be broken all the same.

man, what have i gone and spouted off about now? sorry for such a long winded, self-serving type of post. i'm ready to wash this crap out of my hair and try to sleep til the show tomorrow. we are actually sharing the stage with The Get Up Kids, Hot Water Music and Dropkick Murphy's tomorrow. should be a good one!

<3 hayley

#paramore #hayley williams #2010 #livejournal

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elljayvee · 2 years ago

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In other news I have been brooding about Anakin Skywalker today because I made the mistake of reading An Article talking about Who Darth Vader's Daddy Is in the Darth Vader comic book which. OK, so, the Opera Scene in Revenge of the Sith goes like:

PALPATINE: I thought not. It's not a story the Jedi would tell you. It's a Sith legend. Darth Plagueis was a Dark Lord of the Sith, so powerful and so wise he could use the Force to influence the midi-chlorians to create life ... He had such a knowledge of the dark side that he could even keep the ones he cared about from dying.

ANAKIN: He could actually save people from death?

PALPATINE: The dark side of the Force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural.

ANAKIN: What happened to him?

PALPATINE: He became so powerful . . . the only thing he was afraid of was losing his power, which eventually, of course, he did. Unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew, then his apprentice killed him in his sleep. (smiles) Plagueis never saw it coming. It's ironic he could save others from death, but not himself.

And there's been a fan theory I've never particularly liked that takes that scene ("could use the Force to influence the midichlorians to create life") and Anakin's canonical fatherlessness and says: Palpatine created Anakin.

And there are so many issues I have with this I swear -- like, if he did this, why would he then let his specially-created Force baby be raised in slavery that he didn't, like, control -- but apparently this is what the comic book canon has decided to go with. I hate it.

I also hate that it has certain resonances with the whole Palpatine cloning situation and Rey's backstory, and I hate the inevitability it makes of Anakin's turn to the Dark Side.

And yes, Star Wars is fundamentally mythological, and there's a mythological edge to that inevitability, there's the prophetic aspect -- it was always a tragedy, it always had to happen, Oedipus has to kill his father and marry his mother -- but I think this narrative decision in particular weakens the impact of Anakin's choices. To be clear, his choices are bad and his decision-making ability highly questionable, but in a universe where he made those decisions, he owns them -- he's manipulated into making them, and they're terrible and impactful for him and for everyone else. And in a universe next door, he was made to make them. He didn't choose them. He's not anything but a puppet from day one.

I'm not saying it can't make sense. For example, it has never made sense to me that Padme reacted to his murder rampage in Attack of the Clones by...apparently forgetting about it later? (Sure, act calm and sooth the murder rampage guy at the time, you gotta get out alive, but later you should turn that guy in, not marry him like he didn't just murder a whole bunch of people, some of them children). The only way I could figure it was that he had to have mindwhammied her into forgetting about it...but if he's just kind of Dark Side Force Fuckery Incarnated, he might not need to mindwhammy her, he might just have Weird Vibes that mess with the heads of people around him -- maybe it makes the Jedi not notice he's Dark Side Force Fuckery Incarnated, and for non-Force-sensitive people it affects memory formation or processing. Sure! It's an explanation. Is it any better than "Damn, Anakin must have mindwhammied her"? I don't think it is, personally.

#star wars #anakin skywalker

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thatonewatching · 2 years ago

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Church Boy-Offer

Travis' POV:

I punched him...

Holy shit...

After that, I just walked away. I couldn't let anyone see my fucking sinning face. I went to the bathroom and locked myself in a stall. I tried to hold them back, but I ended up crying like the failure I am...

I stayed quiet, now and then a small sob would escape. After a few minutes, I heard footsteps and wiped my eyes. "Someone in here?" a sweet voice asked.

I recognized it.

Sal...

"No shit, get out."

"Are you okay?"

"What do you think!?"

"...Why do you hate me so much...?"

"Because you and your friends are a bunch of fags! God will never love you, why should I?"

"Y'know, we're not all gay. Except for me and Todd, were super gay."

"...I don't really hate you...or your friends..."

"I didn't think so..."

"..."

"Hey, if you ever want to, y'know, hang out or get away from your dad, you could hang out with me."

"..."

"Just, think about it and let me know. If you ever need anybody to talk to, I'm always here for you. I will never turn you down, my door is always open."

"Thanks..."

"No problem!"

"But, why are you being so nice to me?"

"I don't think you're a bad guy, Travis. Under all that anger, I think there's a good dude who's afraid to be himself."

"You're wrong..."

"What?"

"You're wrong. I am of nothing good. I am a sinner. I am a failure..."

"Travis, don't say that. You aren't any of those things. If I thought so, I wouldn't be here."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Thanks, Sally face..."

"Of course, Travis."

"Hey, um."

"Yeah?"

"It's just...Mrs. Packerton said I needed some tutoring. Do you...know anyone who could...?"

"I could!"

"You?"

"Yeah, if that's okay with you. We don't have to be friends, but I wouldn't mind helping."

"Are you sure? I mean, after what just happened, I didn't think you'd even consider me human."

"Travis, we can be friends...we don't have to be enemies..."

"..."

"Are you free after school? We could start today."

"Yea...I'll have to...sneak out..."

'Oh, no. You don't have to. I could go over to your house! Or we could meet at the park or something. I don't want to get you in trouble."

"Why the hell are you so fucking nice?"

"I...I don't know..."

"..."

"Well, I live in Addison Apartments. Stop by if you want..."

"..."

I felt my eyes tear up again. They wouldn't stop and I didn't put in an effort to make them. Footsteps erupted from in front of the stall and then the bathroom door slammed shut and I heard the bell ring. It was time for class.

I opened the stall and snatched my backpack from the floor. "Shit..." I muttered, running as fast as I could to my next class.

Once I arrived, I sat in the back and pulled out my book. It was about space. I stole it off my dad's shelf, I wanted to read something other than the Bible. He would've killed me if he found out, whatever. Not like he reads these anyways. Just for display.

Just like our family...

Display...

*Time Skip*

I went to my 4th class. This one I had with Sally...That fucking freak. Weird ass blue hair, I never even saw any brown spots at his roots. Was it natural? Weird... And he always wore his hair super feminine. Whether it was in pigtails, ponytails, or space buns, it was feminine. His eyes always shone through his mask. They were the same color as his hair, too.

Baby blue...

They could practically see through me. That's what it felt like, at least, when he looked at me. They were kind of pretty. Actually, I think one of them is fake. When he rolls his eyes at me, only one rolls. The other one stays in place, maybe shift a little. His piercings were kinda cool, too.

He had his cartilage pierced. I think he did all his piercings at home because he had a safety pin through it with a little dried blood. He wasn't a pussy, I could give him that.

"Mr. Phelps, please read the next paragraph for us." The teacher called out, snapping me out of my trance.

I hadn't noticed, but I was staring at Sal. "Uh, yea." I said, finding where we were and continue the article. After I finished, the class grew silent, and I looked around. I noticed Sal staring at me and I quickly looked away. "Mr. Fisher, staring isn't polite. Please turn around." the teacher rhetorically asked. "Yes, sir..." Sal answered, turning back around and looking down at his textbook.

"Alright, for the homework tonight, you are all required to read the rest of the section and write a summary with at least 4 paragraphs and 5 sentences in each. Thank you and see you all tomorrow." he said, allowing us to leave. "Mr. Phelps and Mr. Fisher, do you mind staying back?" he called, standing by the door.

Sal and I shared a look of confusion before waiting with the teacher until everyone else left. After everyone was gone, he started to talk to us. "I have the understanding that one of you is exceptionally gifted in mat but not so much in literature. The other one is the opposite. I recommend that you two tutor and help each other for your own sake. Finals are coming up and I want you all to pass. Please consider this. I don't want to hold either of you back..." the teacher offered, suggesting that we take his advice.

"Now, I'll write you two some passes, and you can get going." he informed, clapping his hands to signify the end of the conversation. Sal nodded and I stayed still, tapping my foot. He finished the passes and sent us on our way.

After getting to my next class, I sat in an empty seat and started reading. "Mr. Phelps, could you please tell the class what has piqued your interest so?" My teacher said, crossing her arms and scowling. "Um...just this book..." I answered, closing the book and putting it on my desk.

"Hmm..." she irritably said, turning back around and finishing her examples. After that class, I finished my next with no interruptions.

I walked out of the class and to my locker. After grabbing my things, I closed it and started to walk away before someone grabbed me by the back of my shirt. I was yanked to the ground and looked up to see Larry Johnson standing above me. "The fuck do you want?!" I yelled, squirming a little. "You wanna pick fights? Huh? You wanna pick fights with Sal, do you? See It doesn't feel good when someone bigger than you pick on you, does it?" he jeered, smiling wildly.

"Larry! What the hell?!" A voice yelled.

Sal...

"What the fuck are you doing to him?" Sal asked, grabbing Larry by the back of his shirt and yanking him off me. When they fell on the floor, Larry fell on top of Sal. Larry was pinning Sal down.

I'm not sure why, but that pushed me over the edge. I got up and threw my biggest textbook at Larry's face. "Fuck you, asshole!" I screamed, watching as blood trickled out of his nose and onto his shirt.

"What the hell, man?!" he yelled back, holding back tears.

I walked away after that...

(Originally posted on May 15th 2023 on Wattpad)

"Church Boy." - Offer - Wattpad

#sally face #travis phelps #salvis #larry johnson #part four #ashley campbell #fanfic #fanfiction #steve gabry #first person #sfw #angsty #wattpad original

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agileisthegayagenda · 1 year ago

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The Professional Scrum Developer Cert

"The Agile Certifications that exist are a complete joke and an utter absurdity." - Robert Martin, Clean Agile.

TL;DR: My company asked me to get this, so I did. Even though I only did a couple of hours of study. All the books I had been reading last year prepped me for it... I'm also good at taking tests.

You should ask yourself: Why the hell do I need this?

If the answer is that it will help you land a job, get a promotion, satisfy management, or assist you with a goal to pursue your learning. No harm, it's $200! However, if you want this to show off to people that you are the most Scrum dev, that is just so Scrum, just don't...please.

With that out of the way...

The first thing they asked me to do when I joined my new team was to get the PSD cert. I had other PM style certs under my belt, so this would be, as the very cool people say, 'no problem.' I figured this would be a fun way to make sure I had the terms and ceremonies down for Scrum. (And I was right, because I think tests are fun.)

I started with this assessment test to understand where I was so I could plan where I should go. I'm a massive fan of taking assessments before you study. You see, the idea of pre-testing is it gives you the shape of the test to come. This method helps my mind map out things that will be valuable to know for the test. I scored 60% on my first try, which was not great but gave me information on how to start my next steps.

After I studied my answers and noted right and wrong answers. From the reading I had been doing, I realized most of the terms in the test had been introduced over the last year.

Clean Code

Clean Architecture

Pragmatic Programmer

Clean Agile

Test Driven Design

Scrum: Twice the Work in half the time

Scrum: A Field Guide

Also, the following online documentation and videos helped me understand a bunch:

DevOps Terminology

More Devops Stuff

This Pluralsite Course

The Scrum Guide

Tech Debt

And some of this post on TDD

So, after reviewing some keywords in those books, I made a:

Let's talk about my study guide system:

First, I take my wrong answer pass and use that to build a foundation of what I don't know and mesh this with whatever core competencies list I can find for the certification. I then research videos and articles that can help me fill in my knowledge.

Then, I review this content, taking notes on any terms I don't understand. I then cross-referenced all of these with terms I noted down from the assessment test and refined my study guide. I do this process till every term, and the wrong answer makes complete sense.

Then I take the assessment again, but now it's speed mode. I try to spend less than 10 seconds on each question (sometimes more if there is a long setup) or less on each question; if I go too long, I skip (or guess and note it down real quick). The thinking is, in a multichoice test, if I don't know the correct answer immediately, I'm gaming the multiple-choice, not actually "knowing." I refined this technique on a couple of Comptia Certs, which also helped me through a good part of my schooling.

After 2-3 speed runs. I complete all the wrong answers and any notes on terms or concepts I stall or take longer on. Then I take this and make a:

While speed running, I repeat this process until I pass 10% higher on pre-tests and assessments than I need for the certification test. Because certifications often have question bundles, I can buy them. I will often buy one or two if they're cheap. However, for the PSD, the free one is WAY better than the paid one I bought from Udemy. If I were to do it again, I wouldn't have grabbed the paid one.

After this is done, I look at scheduling an assessment. But as it turns out, that's not something you need to worry about with the PSD; you can take it any time after you pay, so keep that in mind.

Before the assessment, I reviewed the core test competency materials and took a nice mind break.

When I feel calm and centered, I take the test. This method has yet to fail me. Is it the fastest way to cram new info in your head? Probably not, but I do learn whatever the cert is trying to teach me, and as a bonus, I feel very little pressure in the tests, often finishing quickly with enough time to review questions I wasn't so sure about.

How did this serve me for the PSD? It was 95%, not 100%, as the fabulous folks get, but perfection is the enemy of done in my book. And it is very done!

So now that you know how I took it. The real question is, was it useful?

Yes? We'll see as time goes on.

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schizosupport · 2 years ago

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I'm a DID system with MADD, but lately I've been catching on to other symptoms that don't really fit into these categories as far as I can tell. It took me a long time to catch on due to dissociative amnesia. The biggest thing is visual hallucinations, usually in the form of fluttering shadows, but I've had times where my brain convinces me that it's something there that's dangerous, and even if I know it can't possibly be real, the fear is still real. I occasionally get auditory hallucinations too I think, I have a hard time telling with those though. I don't have paranoia as far as I can tell, anxiety, but that's as far as I've ever seen it go.

I read through some things on your blog, and some things click together in ways I never even thought about before, which just serves to confirm suspicions I've had for a while about being psychotic on some level.

All of that being said, I have a few questions.

How does psychotic and schizo spec disorders work with DID and MADD? Can those things cause/effect delusions (such as the content of them, things like that)?

What's the difference between psychosis and schizo spec? (If there is any, or is one more like a sub-category?)

Hi there! Welcome on the blog :) I'm glad it was helpful in terms of clicking some things for you!

I could ramble a lot, but I'm gonna try to stick to answering your questions to the best of my understanding (feel free to ask follow up questions, i may also be able to do a bit more research for you later).

First off, how psychosis and schizo spec disorders interact with maladaptive daydreaming and DID is a very big question. There's been some interest in the intersection between trauma, dissociation and psychosis for sure.

One of my former professors recently was an editor and contributor in a selection of articles collected in the book 'Psychosis, Trauma and Dissociation : Evolving Perspectives on Severe Psychopathology'.

I'm very interested in reading some of those articles, and I recently found a pdf version, so once I push through the inertia I hope to have gained a better understanding of new and different perspectives on the matter. It's safe to say that the sharp distinction between psychosis and dissociation often seen in popular psychology is actually a lot more complicated, messy and unclear in reality. MADD, as well as DID, as well as psychosis, reflects something about yourself, your life and your culture. The brain can't come up with anything that you couldn't come up with, so to say. And beyond any diagnostic categories, these are all your experiences. They cannot be separated into neat boxes, and as such they can and do interact. How so is individual, of course. And I would need a bit more info to say something more personal about the matter.

The difference between psychosis and schizo spec.. keep in mind that there's different ways to understand schizo spec, but this is how I use these terms:

Experiencing psychosis for any reason makes you psychosis spec. Psychosis spec people may not have anything other than psychosis in common with many schizo spec people. Non-shizo disorders that can cause psychosis are plentyful. Classics include depression and bipolar, but depending on who you ask it also can be a part of ptsd, ocd and more.

The schizospec disorders, at the most basic, are the disorders that are called schizo-something. Schizophrenic, schizoaffective, schizotypal, schizophreniform, schizoid..

The schizo spec disorders, while different, usually involve some level of psychosis, but they also come with other stuff that sets them apart. Ofc everyone is an individual, but common things include: strong negative symptoms (lack of motivation, energy, etc), cognitive difficulties (ala adhd or a learning disorder), social cognitive impairment and sensory difficulties (could look like asd), and a bunch of hard to explain, diffuse 'ways of relating to yourself and the world', such as overreflecting and questioning everything and feeling distanced to the world or like there is no difference between you and the world..

Interestingly, many of these can feature during/just around psychosis in non schizo people, but for schizo spec people it's often just how we are.

While some things like negative symtoms and cognitive symtoms often get worse after a big psychotic break, most schizo spec people have been more or less visible neurodivergent always, in a 'schizospec flavour' that is easier to notice in retrospect. Many get diagnosed with autism or adhd.

I don't have much data on this, but anecdotally it's quite rare for me to run into a schizo spec person who hasn't always -even before noticeable psychosis- struggled with reality on some level.

Out of the schizo spec disorders I mentioned, schizophrenia and schizoaffective are always included. I include schizotypal as well bc while it usually doesn't involve full blown psychosis, the patterns of experience and thinking are often quintessentially schizo spec in nature. Schizoid pd I also include, but I think it's quite individual whether a schizoid person feels kinship with the schizospec community. That said, many do, given that the symptoms of schizoid pd can be much like negative symptoms of other schizospec disorders, and there are often many other shared attributes.

So you can be schizo spec without having psychosis (fairly rare), and can be psychosis spec without being schizo spec.

There's obviously a huuge overlap in experience. And one of the reasons I am very careful to include both most of the time in my writing, is because I don't want anyone to feel excluded based on the categorization of their experience. The differences outlined above are statistical in nature, and cannot be used to predict any one singular person's experience.

#I'm really tired and hungry so i hope this still made sense

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olderthannetfic · 3 years ago

Note

Do you use a story structure? If so, which one?

I... what?

You mean like setting out to write The Hero's Journey or something?

I'm supposed to be finishing a draft by Monday, and I spent all morning writing, so I am desperate to procrastinate and do literally anything other than write my draft by now, of course, so I will happily blather about my process. Haha.

Since I was little, I've read a ton of books that are very structure-focused, mystery in particular. Romance tends to have a canned structure, but mystery makes it even more obvious, especially if you read a lot in the same subgenre like Golden Age cozies.

I don't know if my brain was always like this or if a steady diet of Nancy Drew and then harder books made me like this, but I have a very instinctive grasp of structure. I'm on the extreme end of planner rather than pantser, so I outline everything to death, but my plotbunnies also come to me with a fair amount of workable plot already included.

Googling gets me a bunch of how-to articles, so I guess I do understand what you're asking, but when I hear the words 'story structure', I think of a descriptive framework applied after the fact. I look at structure while trying to analyze a work I want to imitate or when revising a story that isn't working well enough.

I do dimly recall trying to structure an outline according to some writing advice books years ago, and I did look at things like Three Act Structure at the time. I remember finding it awkward. Even the examples these books give where they wedge a famous movie into the structure usually confuse me. Why is X the end of act 2 rather than the beginning of act 3? It often feels arbitrary and subjective.

When I outline, I do often think things like "This is Agatha Christie pastiche, so it needs 2 red herring murderers before the real one is revealed". And then I go find 2 big red herrings.

That eunuch porn fic I was talking about the other day came to me as a plotbunny for the first chapter: Tang Fan has been captured by villains and is unsure if Wang Zhi is evil or not. Wang Zhi lets him know he's not by quoting Tang Fan's most embarrassing writing back at him since there's no other way to communicate in front of the villains.

It was, of course, an image from Romancing the Stone where the hero asks what kind of sick mind came up with the trap they're in and the heroine has to admit that it's from her own novel. I wanted that dynamic with Tang Fan and his canon love interest Sui Zhou who doesn't know he writes trashy novels. (For those who haven't seen Sleuth of the Ming Dynasty, this is an actual canon thing. Tang Fan does the women's voices while he's reading his trash romance aloud to himself too. Best show ever.)

I wanted other POVs, so I quickly realized I would probably want three chapters, one from each POV.

I also realized that the big point of the fic is who knows what when, so the internal structure of chapters is entirely things like Tang Fan anxiously trying to figure out whether Wang Zhi is evil and then the climax of that or Sui Zhou freaking out about what's been going on and then the resolution of it being Tang Fan's idea after all.

But I wasn't thinking in terms of three act structure or anything like that. I was thinking in terms of individual emotional arcs and rising tension, then some kind of catharsis or climax, then rising tension about something else, etc.

I do think about the building blocks of structure, like inciting incidents. I find those parts more useful than trying to follow a canned whole.

Oh! I did try the snowflake method once, and it's similar to how I naturally operate but I found that trying to do a specific method actually just cramped my style.

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woundjob · 4 years ago

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oh no what's the snape wives cult

i need to know but i don't wanna google it

OH YOU HAVENT HEARD

ok so in early fandom (2006ish) most people were on livejournal and hp specific forums, then moved on to deviantart and ff dot net in the coming years, then of course here. livejournal and the like were incredibly insulated, way more than here and dA because there was absolutely no outside influence bc those forums were so specific. there were special ones for different ships and even different aus.

i started using social media like forums and dA in 2008ish so i wasn’t around for the snapewives but i know about all this because it’s basically my favorite thing in the world.

essentially, the snapewives were a group of people, mostly twenties to middle aged women, who believed they could channel snape, were engaged in sisterwives-esque romantic relationships with him, and saw him as a spiritual guide and omniscient divine being similar to christian god. the core belief was that jkr was channeling him and was a snapewife as well, and that she was doing it wrong when she wrote him as an incel lol.

from fanlore.org:

so basically it was a bunch of batshit insane super insulated lady incels who were obsessed with snape. this is obviously super weird, but you have to remember that this is what the harry potter fandom was like in the early days. everyone was absolutely mental back then, just because there were so many people who were crazy about these books, and this was long before anyone thought to look at them critically.

also, while we’re on the fanlore for this (which i highly recommend, the author of the article is hilarious) let’s not forget that snapewives are married to snape. check out these marriage vows:

the best part of all this is how they died out. of course they got bullied a lot by the rest of the fandom for being crazy, but that wasn’t what did them in. no, it was because one of their core members announced her “divorce” from snape. did she see the light and say enough is enough? nah. she decided that she was switching religions to get married to jethro gibbs from ncis instead.

also uh. a lot of these women like. had real life husbands, who either didn’t know or begrudgingly supported this. anyway, go read the fanlore article on this for more info!!

#sorry this is so long i just love it #i know most of my moots are old enough to remember this but i also know some second gen fans ages 16-20 follow me and won’t remember #so enjoy

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little-smartass · 4 years ago

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THE VAMPIRE LESTAT COVER ALBUM - the legendary Vampire Lestat is back and bigger and badder than ever, this time bringing a whole album of song covers ranging from classic bangers to newer fresh takes on chart hits! get your copy now, complete with a transcript of the artist's commentary on each song!

(songs I think Lestat would cover and release as an album in an attempt to re-kickstart his career and/or make some sort of dramatic statement to Louis. tracklist and "artist commentary" under the cut)

Survival - Muse

“And I’ll reveal my strength, to the whole human race, yes I am prepared, to stay alive, and I won’t forgive, and vengeance is mine, and I won’t give in, because I choose to thrive! Yeah I’m gonna win!”

Oh, I wish this song had been around back on that opening night at the Cow Palace - how apt that would have been! What a fucking anthem! They would have been rioting all night. I mean, they already were, but, like, because of the music. Not because vampires were being immolated in the middle of the crowd. Different kind of riot.

The Bitch Is Back - Elton John

“I’m a bitch, I’m a bitch, oh the bitch is back, stone cold sober as a matter of fact, I can bitch, I can bitch, ‘cause I’m better than you, it’s the way that I move, the things that I do!”

One day I want to have this play as I walk into Night Island. I’ll time it perfectly so that I throw off my coat - my denim jacket, or- oh, no, a fur! Maximum drama! - just as the chorus starts. Armand will know that I’m coming of course, but I think that’ll just make it even better. And I have good memories to this song... [muffled question] Sorry, gentlemen don’t kiss and tell, bébé. [laughter]

Everybody Loves Me - OneRepublic

"Oh my, feels just like I don’t try, look so good I might die, all I know is everybody loves me, head down, swaying to my own sound, flashes in my face now, all I know is everybody loves me”

Look, do I even need to explain this one? Didn’t think so.

Bad Reputation - Joan Jett

"I don't give a damn ‘bout my reputation, I've never been afraid of any deviation, and I don't really care if you think I'm strange, I ain't gonna change - and I'm never gonna care bout my bad reputation"

This one's fairly self-explanatory again. It could have been my personal anthem when I was mortal quite honestly. And it's an awful lot of fun to jump about and headbang to, don't you think? That's a new thing I've found out about, headbanging. People have been hopping about to music looking like fools for centuries but now there's a name for it. Fantastic.

bad guy - Billie Eilish

"I’m that bad type, make your mama sad time, make your girlfriend mad type, might seduce your dad time… I’m the bad guy. Duh.”

Creepy? Check. Sexy? Check. Tongue-in-cheek? Check check. This song was great and a lot of fun to cover.

Lover to Lover - Florence + the Machine

“I believe there’s no salvation for me now, no space among the clouds, and I feel I’m heading down, but that’s alright, that’s alright, that’s alright”

I don’t know, this one just felt very relevant. Also the piano was great to do. You might have noticed that I’ve picked a lot of songs with piano, and that’s because I bullied the studio into getting me a goooooorgeous grand piano for the recording space and I wanted to use it as much as possible!

Feeling Good - Muse

“Stars when you shine, you know how I feel, scent of the pine, you know how I feel, oh freedom is mine, and I know how I feel”

I just really like this song - I’ve done a cover of an excellent cover! Can- can you put emojis in this? Do people still use emojis? Well imagine I’ve put the shrug one. Wait, isn’t there- Daniel, Daniel, come here, isn’t there a shrug emoji made up of keyboard- [muffled words] yes! The shrug one! Yes, put that in the transcription. [ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ] I just like this song.

The Man - The Killers

“I got gas in the tank, I got money in the bank, I got news for you baby, you're looking at the man, I got skin in the game, I got a household name, I got news for you baby, you're looking at the man”

I feel like this one speaks for itself too. Can you put that shrug emoji thing in here again? [ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ] Yes!

J'ai Pas Envie - MIKA

J'ai pas envie, de faire comme si, comme les maris, qui disent oui, j'ai pas envie, j'ai pas envie, j'ai pas envie d'te faire plaisir, j'ai pas envie, j'ai pas envie, si tu m'aimes viens me le dire"

Look, I'm not going to translate the whole song for you, because it has all this clever wordplay you just totally lose in english… but the gist of it is that these two lovers are… at odds a lot. It's… it's maybe a little spiteful [laughter] but in a fun way! It's a fun song! Louis won't even be mad about it, it's MIKA.

Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy - Queen

"When I'm not with you, think of you always (I miss those long hot summer nights), when I'm not with you, think of me always, always"

[Long pause] God, I miss Freddie.

Let 'Em Talk - Kesha

Ah, full disclosure - I put this song in purely because of the expression Louis made when I played it in the car and it got to the line “can suck my dick” and she did that popping noise… it was incredible, and I just knew I had to cover it so I could see his expression when I said that. I can’t wait to play it to him. [laughter]

So What - P!nk

"So so what, I'm still a rockstar, I got my rock moves, and I don't need you, and guess what? I'm having more fun, and now that we're done, I'm gonna show you tonight, I'm alright, I'm just fine, (and you're a tool, so)"

I'm actually a big fan of nineties and noughties female stars - all that grrrrrrrl power, it's great fun, you know? I'd say this one is fairly self-explanatory, because I am still a rockstar! This is my new album! Fuck you EMP and your sniffy little article calling me "washed up"!

Little Lion Man - Mumford & Sons

"But it was not your fault but mine, and it was your heart on the line, I really fucked it up this time, didn't I my dear?"

This one could be self-deprecating, but it's also very vindictively angry at the same time, and that's a combination I definitely get. Like, oh, it's my fault, isn't it? It's my fucking fault again, what a surprise. Perhaps "learn from your mother or you'll spend your days biting your own neck" is a little on the nose… [muffled words] you've read my books, right? [muffled words] Good, good.

Missy - The Airbourne Toxic Event

"But I swear there's still some good in me, I think if you'd stuck around you'd see, all the botched attempts at integrity I once had"

Oh, I was feeling philosophical when I picked this one. No, philosophical isn't the right word… melancholy? Do people still use that word? "I swear I swear I swear I'll never get sad" is both furiously defiant and yet so self-defeatingly ironic. [Exasperated noise] Enough of that. Next!

Please Don't Leave Me - P!nk

"I don't know if I can yell any louder, how many times have I kicked you out of here, or said something insulting? I can be so mean when I wanna be, I am capable of nearly anything, when my heart is broken… (please, please don't leave me)"

Oh, we’re… we’re getting to this section now. [clearing throat] Well, I have to make up for that sucking dick line, don’t I? Get a bit vulnerable. Oh God, why did I decide to do this bit? [muffled words] [bad chicago accent] But why buy the cow? Because you love him, you really do. [sigh, laughter]

Next To Me - Imagine Dragons

"Oh, I always let you down, shattered on the ground, still I find you there, next to me, and oh, the stupid things I do, I'm far from good it's true, still I find you, next to me"

Why did I- I don’t remember putting so many of these ones in.

Run To You - Pentatonix

"I've been settling scores, I've been fighting so long, but I've lost your war, and our kingdom is gone... how shall I win back your heart which was mine? I have broken bones and tattered clothes, I've run out of time"

[Sigh] [clears throat] Yeah. I think we can move onto the next one.

Love of My Life - Queen

“Love of my life, don't leave me, you've stolen my love, you now desert me, love of my life, can't you see? Bring it back, bring it back, don't take it away from me, because you don't know, what it means to me”

I play this one sometimes on my baby grand when we've had a fight, and it's impossible for him to stay angry. He's a sucker for this sort of… formality in romance. God, I wish I'd realised that earlier. If I'd written him a letter in fancy copperplate script with scented paper and enclosed rose petals politely requesting him to bend me over his desk back in the day, it might not have taken two centuries of mutual blue balls for us to figure our shit out. Ah well, live and learn… as it were. [muffled words] Look, I did a whole bunch of vulnerable songs! Now I get to make sex jokes! [laughter] oh fuck off.

#Lestat de lioncourt #loustat #vampire chronicles #dead disasters #my mixes

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anasticep · 4 years ago

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Why Julie and the Phantoms is a masterpiece of a show. Part 2. Heroes and Villains or Let that foil shine

NOTE: Thanks again for your kind response to Part 1. I never expected that. It being my first tumblr post and a first meta in quite a long time I was blown away. I read all the tags, some were really hilarious. About having more than one brain cell xDDD I laughed so hard. It means a lot.

NOTE2: Please remember that the gifs are made by me, so don't crop, edit or give as yours.

Part 1.

Before diving into meta, I have to mention that the Villain of the story is actually one of the best in the decade. He’s cool, evil from the start, we understand his motives and we certainly are not supposed to love and make excuses for him. The writers made sure of that. So back to the main topic.

A foil is a character who contrasts with another character; typically, a character who contrasts with the protagonist, in order to better highlight or differentiate certain qualities of the protagonist

Foils in literature are not necessarily antagonists. A friend can be a foil or sometimes even a thing, a song. Whatever can make a good and real contrast to the protagonist. But it’s not very simple to use this author’s device and not fall down a deep hole. Because you have to make sure you did just the right amount of work to make it understandable for a reader, the things you want to contrast are definitely there and still you don't waste a character. On TV it can be even harder given limited air time. And, well, I don’t come across this device being used in full very often nowadays. It’s usually good and evil fighting for the plot. That’s why I personally appreciate JaTP so much.

Caleb is clearly a foil to Luke. As much as I’d love to say that Julie also has one, that’s not entirely true, at least not this season. Carrie is not her foil though it may seem so, and I really think that’s cool as Julie’s journey is being presented through her own demons and I'm going to cover that next. That being said, of course Caleb doubles as an antagonist plotwise, but I personally consider him being written more as a contract to Luke so we could see and appreciate his character and journey better.

1. Origins

Caleb and Luke have extremely similar backgrounds. They are both natural performers. They know how to deliver, because c’mon, “Now or Never” is something and so is “The other side of Hollywood”. Stage is their natural habitat, their element, power. Although they channel this power from completely different places.

Let’s start with our little ball of energy. It’s emphasized TWICE that he doesn’t care about the money aka the physical side of art.

All Luke wants is to make music. Connect with people. He is so happy just to be heard despite him loving to perform. Making music is what makes him feel alive and basically that’s enough. I think if there was no “hologram” magic at all, Luke would have still been extremely happy to make music with and for Julie. Because that’s the way he is.

But Caleb doesn’t know that. He knows, and I’m standing by that, right away that Luke is the one to aim at. Because we always feel the similarity in people. If Luke said yes, Reggie and Alex would have followed. So Caleb recognizes the passion and shoots at them what he thinks is appealing. And, oh boy, he delivers.

“The Other Side of Hollywood” is a perfect song to emphasize Luke and Caleb being foils for each other. Follow me here:

But these lines come from very different places. For Caleb the only thing that matters is himself. He owns the show, he IS the show. It’s about being famous, drowning in applause, admiration. Look at how he performs. Confident, yes, but still very much in control. He must keep his perfect face. No flaws, no real emotions, no real connection (Did you miss ME? I did too // This band is back). Whereas Luke is simply living the best time of his life each time he performs. Is it just jamming? Bring it on. Doing fun riffs? He’s all for it. He doesn’t care how he looks (though who could deny gorgeous sweaty Luke), he owns the show just because he is a natural.

So back to the business. Caleb immediately puts the boys in his own shoes:

On the other side we live like kings // Your soulprint on the walk of fame on the boulevard of your wildest dreams // I got your glamour, got your gold, got all you’ll ever need

And, I mean, he is not that wrong. You can see the appeal on the boys’ faces. They are young, passionate, handsome, talented musicians. Of course they wouldn’t deny fame. Of course they would want all that to some extent. And Caleb is very sure he pulled the right strings.

Watch me make a move, I’m your number one choice

Also I have to mention, as we are talking about TOSOH (IKEA name again) and it being a foil for Luke, thy lyrics still don’t forget about what is important for Reggie and Alex (we’ll talk about that just a bit later):

Welcome to the brotherhood -> Reggie

Where you won’t be misunderstood -> Alex

Then again, lots of foreshadowing in the song, if you listen carefully the lyrics are stressing the true colors of the offer:

A tomb with a view

Man, what a metaphor. I would have run out of there the minute I heard this line. But our boys share one brain cell (I can’t get over how funny this is) and it’s currently taken by Julie, so I don’t blame them.

Disappointment is huge. Caleb read it all wrong. So we are moving to the next point in our Heroes and Villains essay.

2. Recruitment

It’s very cool that Caleb offers the boys to join his band right after Luke offers Julie to join Sunset Curve. They both are going out of their ways to get that (although have different budgets apparently. But look, they live in a garage). Luke made a hit with a bunch of Julie’s not very well structured lines (I love Flying Solo with all my heart as a song, but as a poem it just looks weird to me) to impress her, and we all saw the show Caleb had thrown to impress the boys. Plus food. And fancy dancing. But here is where contrast comes again.

Caleb offers to join the band, yes, but only as backup singers. It’s his show, remember? It’s only about him. He doesn’t care if they are even good. He wants their magic under control.

Share the spotlight with ME / How do you like MY new band?!

Luke offering Julie a spot in the band is a completely different story. He saw what she is capable of. He instantly knows she must be the key to a new sound, a new level. And he, a natural performer, frontman, lead guitarist, steps back and gives the spotlight to Julie. To think about it, he could have just got her magic under control by giving her simple lines, incorporating piano in the songs and that’s all. They would be visible, he would still be a center of attention, and Julie herself wouldn't mind that much. But that’s not who Luke is. Yes, there is a funny scene of “Hey, I’m your lead singer” and “you don’t have to be mean”, but it’s just messing around. Because right after that he finishes Flying Solo, writes several other songs with Julie, seeks her approval of Sunset Curve songs and basically follows her around like an adorable excited puppy.

Moving on and back to the rejection. Again the writers are mirroring them. Julie quits the band & the boys decline the offer. What does Luke do? Well, he tries the way he knows: books a gig, makes Reggie and Alex sing in perfect harmonies and does his puppy eyes thing. And it doesn’t work. And Luke goes to reflect and then probably try to come up with a plan. But something tells me he would not have haunted Julie until she joined them.

What does Caleb do after the initial rejection? Puts a cursed stamp that leaves them no choice but to join HGC. You don’t need to say more.

But in fact the more I think about it, the more I suspect Caleb also not possessing enough mental capacity for a human being. Like, if it wasn’t for Willie, how would they even know? Has Caleb planned to simply show up one day and casually explain? Look, foils in everything.

“You’re in a tough spot… So, you wanna join the band?” | “Looked like it hurt… you know where to find me”

But we sidestepped a bit.

3. Pulling the strings

After the song Caleb comes out to consolidate his success. What he does is clever and, btw, that’s the only time he becomes Julie’s foil. They are stating basically the same thing.

Again, Julie is concerned about the band and the boys, while Caleb is only concerned about having them under control. But they both are pulling basically the right strings.

What is interesting, Caleb actually impressed the wrong person (and that person is our sweet Reggie). Luke follows the string Julie pulled. Although the offer is tempting, he insists twice that they are in a band already directly to Caleb and then in Eats&Beats he says "It's like Julie said, we have a new band, a new sound». No matter what Caleb promised, Luke is not affected at all although Caleb’s offer is a very-very safe choice.

Speaking about using friends as foils, Alex and Reggie also serve as contrast characters for Luke at some points. Luke’s indifference to money is first stressed through Alex who is clearly the chief accountant for the band. His lines about not getting tips, living in a garage and «it’s a little bit about the money» are waved aside by Luke. Reggie is clearly the most affected by the whole Bobbie thing. His lines «I don’t care what Julie said, I’m glad we scared Bobbie», «So we’re gonna forget about getting back at Trevor?» are getting a clear contrast by Luke’s «It’s what Julie said, we have a new band, a new sound» and «He has to live with that guilt».

While editing the article I realised a very cool thing I haven't noticed before. How badly Luke wants to go on tour. And again that's another thing Caleb offers as if reading his mind. That's actually brilliant, to think about it.

Caleb is a VERY good reader. He tests the waters with a speech about disappearing from stage and going around the world and all dreams coming true. Still he doesn’t know the boys and especially Luke, so his phrase “no real connection” doesn’t register that much.

But he learns. Remember the lines I’ve marked before?

Reggie is afraid they will not be together after they cross over. He is in desperate need of a family. So wouldn’t it be nice to spend the rest of your afterlife with your brothers? (Reggie's main insecurity is loneliness, feel of a broken family. That's why he is the most concerned about crossing over. Will his family stay intact?)

Alex is insecure, and not being understood by the people closest to him will always hit hard. So welcome to a place where you won’t be misunderstood. And actually we know there is a guy you like and find comfort in. (Alex's insecurity is growing up in times when he could not truly be himself even with his family and for sure not believing he would ever be able to find someone meant just for him)

That mirrors the whole Luke’s beach speech perfectly. Only comparing them we can truly appreciate why Luke is the leader. He shuts down his own demons to make Alex and Reggie remember that they are not alone (“and I believe in you”. sorry. Olicity fan).

Caleb makes them suffer to get what he wants. But this time he is careful with the words aimed at Luke. Yes, he repeats his words about vanishing and applauses BUT he makes sure that his words about CONNECTION are the key words for Luke. Intense look, calming voice, touching - these are all elements of hypnosis. And Luke is in a daze. (Continuing the parents' thing, for Luke the main insecurity is not managing to connect with his mom. Maybe that's such a big thing for him: through all these people he wanted to find that connection with her)

4. The Hero’s journey

That’s the best part actually but I won’t be saying anything new or that you don’t know. Luke is made of lyrics and music. That’s his soul, heart, that’s the feeling running through his veins. He doesn’t need anything other than that in his life. Playing for eternity is “a gift no musician would ever turn down”. But he actually does turn it down. As well as his dream to go see the world with his band (is there covid in jatp universe?). He is the one who resists the hardest to the pull. Luke, who always has a guitar in his hands, doesn't want to play. Because it’s not only about the music now. He has this amazing girl in his afterlife who was willing to accept them for who they were, helped Luke battle his own demons, eased his pain and made him open up. And it doesn’t make sense any longer without her anymore. “And you’re a part of me now till eternity”.

Caleb, being Luke’s foil, completely misses the whole point of connection. It’s not in his nature. His house band are just recruits (Just so happens you’re in luck we’ve got a vacancy). For Luke his band is his family (We are the only family we ever gonna need). The Connection theme is one of the main in the show. And it’s so cool to show it focused through Luke whose best way of interaction is a touch. But not being able to touch Julie Luke has to find other ways, although it’s not that simple for him. And Julie backs that up: We connect in so many other ways. They literally touched each other's souls. Without knowing she put a stamp of her own on Luke, Alex and Reggie. They’ve never felt loved enough, appreciated enough, supported enough. They’ve only had each other. And Julie’s stamp is love. And for Luke (as well as Reggie and Alex) from now on this girl is worth dying for all over again.

_______

So yeah. I hope you enjoyed it, as I for sure enjoyed writing. There is gonna be a part 3 about Julie and a few honorable mentions of parallels of the Pilot and the Finale (I hope at least to do all that). I’ve also figured very very cool connections in the songs and I can’t wait to share.

Also as I was heavily speaking about The Other side of Hollywood, @catty-words has a wonderful meta on rain metaphors here (sorry for tagging, if you don't want to be tagged), check it out if you somehow missed it. It's super clever.

#jatp #julie and the phantoms #julie molina #luke patterson #reggie peters #alex mercer #jatp meta #jatp analysis #my gifs #my edits #don't crop #please be nice #caleb covington #ana's meta #am i smart? i am #having more brain cells then sunset curve

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callistolivia · 4 years ago

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Is there any divinatory Practice / spiritual communication that originated in Western Europe? I've heard runes Are historically originat from Roman occupation. And the use of runes Have no historical basis as a tool of divination. Don't want to steal anybody's culture but need a way to do Deviation / spiritual work with out cultural appropriation. Any ideas would be helpful and I would prefer something old as apposed to just make your own with no roots to anything.

I'm assuming this is in response to the article I shared on tarot, so here's a couple things I want to clear up,

the point of that article wasn't to say "no, you can't use tarot" nor was it a clear "yes"; the main point of the article was acknowledging that profiting off tarot, particularly when you're someone who picked it up because you thought it was cool or trendy to do so, may be unethical as it takes away from/harms a particular group of that ethnicity who has cultural ties to the practice. I also wanted to address, I think in general, that there are a lot of spiritual practices adopted by people not of that culture who put in minimal effort to really understand its background and the ancestral ties to them. I personally believe there is no place for ignorance when learning spirituality (or I should say particular practices and ancient teachings), you have to be open and welcoming to the full history to actually have a good grasp on a particular practice. Cultural appropriation isn't necessarily about "stealing" culture, as we as humans have been borrowing each other's culture since the beginning of time. It isn't cultural appropriation to eat sushi in America just because sushi is Japanese cuisine. Cultural appropriation is when people outside that culture decide when something is suddenly appropriate to be practiced meanwhile all the time leading up to that point or even thereafter, the people of that particular culture are being harmed for practicing THEIR culture. So that's the essential pain that comes from the women discussing tarot in that article, and honestly I hate bringing this up again because a lot of people got really pissed at me for sharing that article claiming I said a bunch of stuff I didn't say, but there is a reason why there's such mixed opinions coming from that community. There's a reason why huge portions of that community have completely rejected or disassociated themselves from tarot and its past and it's because of the way people outside their culture, particularly white people, harmed them and continue to harm them for practicing it (among other cultural practices, of course). It's so easy for us 21st century westernized people to look at tarot, for example, and just see it as a game. We are very comfortable in our freedom, and that's great, but remembering what got us to that point is also very important. You can use this entire framework with any spiritual practice you may delve into; just understanding its history and listening to people who have incorporated it into their culture for generations. So if you were a tarot user, read that article, and thought it was the authority to tell you to stop, it wasn't. You should continue to do spiritual practices that make you feel empowered and connected. However, if you feel absolutely compelled to stop for your own personal moral and ethical reasons, that's perfectly fine too. There's no shame at all in extending deep respect to people who you don't know personally.

If you want something really ancient and you happen to have the privilege of looking into your family tree, there were (and still are) several indigenous groups all over western Europe. You may have ancestral links to one of these groups and you can research into their cultural and spiritual practices. This may be somewhat difficult to uncover and link to yourself though, as these groups were targeted, pushed out of their land, or forcibly converted to Christianity. Runes were used long before Romans invaded Northern Europe by different tribes (though the runes we know quite well today are an evolution of those roots) so I wouldn't write off rune work. And I know you don't view runes as a form of divination, but the point of divination is to gain a deeper understanding of something (e.i you, God, the world) and one of the many ways some of these Northern and Western European groups would feel connected spiritually was through rune work (particularly carving runes into divination tools, bones, etc.) I don't specialize in runes, but I definitely recommend looking into books or people who teach rune magic (if it interests you, of course) because Wikipedia isn't going to give you good grasp on the history or proper use. Anything esoteric requires digging.

-Many cultures around the world, including parts of Western Europe, believe in fae and many people presently incorporate this belief as a part of divination (as it counts as calling upon some other being to give you knowledge, technically). You could look into fae magick.

-The Oracle of Delphi; the Pythia; priestesses of ancient Greece who would essentially get high off of volcanic fumes and do trance work. I'm not condoning drugs or altered mind states at all, but this is one example of many where cultures will use something to put themselves into an altered state to perceive the world differently. You definitely don't need drugs to do this either, breath work can put you into altered states too.

-I don't know much about this one either, but weather watching is also considered a form of divination.

-I know you want ancient over new, and technically this is ancient, but dream work/shifting. Like literally there's an entire community on Tik Tok doing that shit and probably don't realize the spiritual element to being in control of your dreams. To add onto this as well, you can develop your own symbol system (and this is what a lot of psychics do to sharpen their understanding of psychic visions). Symbol systems are literally anything from numbers to words to symbols to objects, literally anything, that represent something specific to you so that when they appear to you, you know what they symbolize. To give an example, a lot of psychics will incorporate numbers having specific meanings in their symbol systems. A number can represent a binary answer, a birth date, a month, heck even a zodiac sign. A symbol system enhances your understanding of information being presented to you; in a lot of ways its similar to tarot or astrology, but it's a system created in your mind.

-Not specifically western European, but Psalm and Angel magick/divination is considered an open practice. I recommend Ariel Gatoga on youtube for more information on this.

Finally once again, I know you prefer something ancient or old over new and created, but don't underestimate your abilities to be connected spiritually without well known tools. That umbilical cord is so strong in us as children, before even understanding or really knowing about divination tools; we let the wind hold our hand, stare deeply into the flame of candles, collect things outside and make pretend potions and spells, believe every creak in our houses are a spirit, pick petals off a flower for a "they love me, they love me not," and make wishes on shooting stars. Divination is innate; our urge to understand beyond. You don't necessarily need ancient tools, though the tools make us feel connected to everyone who gathered knowledge before us.

I hope this was helpful in anyway!

#ask #divination

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daonepiece · 4 years ago

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Hey you precious little cute artist chwan! Its me from heaven! You know the cause of this. That Sanji art... how could you make it so freaking amazing? Do you know how people will die seeing it? Have you ever wondered how creative you are? Do you even know how blessed we are to have you in this community? I blushed like an idiot looking at him.

Talking about the Sanji art, why was it so perfect? I need you to explain for making him exceptionally Gorgeous. The concept... how did you get the concept of All Green and now you are making it my obsession. How did you come up with it? Damn that was so creative. I became crazy over that Idea. Im in love... in love... with you and also Sanji. Thanks for making that art. From next time don't forget to keep your signature. I don't want people to steal your art.

Eeeeeeee you keep spoiling me afhjkas hehehe what am I gonna do I’m about to explode >///w///<

So, you wanna talk about thought process? I’d LOVE to! Please prepare to hear me gushing about it. It gonna be veeeryyyy looonggg ( ◕▿◕ )

Since Sanji was the first one to be designed, I was nervous at everything *wobbling novice sea witch at your service 👍* The first step is to choose what kind of fish. I like marine life but I didn’t like them that much to know more than a few common name. Initially I thought of dolphin, since they are very smart, and also a lil perv... And they blow clouds of water when they surface to breath, like someone’s smoking! So I started doing research to select a fitting species.

But while I was reading through various dolphin descriptions, two words caught my attention: FAST SWIMMER. I was like, wait who’s the fastest in the ocean??? So my research had come to a swift turning point, I abandoned the dolphin list to go through articles of “fastest fish in the world” instead. That’s where I found out about the Black Marlin. Things clicked in place even faster than Sanji’s Diable Jambe 😆

The second step is to choose what he would wear, I just knew it had to be a white poet shirt, because Sanji. 👀 Took a few more look at the royal family attire and I was like, “yup! poet shirt and waist band, flowy flowy in the sea, seal the deal!” (you can see that in the initial sketch) This soon went through more changes, but at later stage.

The third step is to choose the vibe, setting, pose he’d be in. 3 words stuck with me whenever I think of Sanji: sadness (you could say he’s feeling blue, you know?, blue! 🤓), curiosity, and dream. So here we had pre-timeskip Sanji, maybe even a bit younger, the viewpoint going up, Sanji looking up too, like how one kept wondering about the strange world above but couldn’t go there, stuck in the depth of the ocean. Adding a book because he’s definitely a nerd! It’s supposed to be a cookbook or the encyclopedia of devil fruits. The fourth step is lining. Troubles ensued! Lots of! The pose was haaarddd and I just couldn’t get the shirt hem to look right, it didn’t flow like I wanted, the tail design seemed bland, also his hair bang wanted to make me an enemy... I struggled, and the clock was ticking fast! So of course I did what an impatient one like me always do: Change the hard part. I got rid of the flowy hem, decided to tuck it neatly in a leather-like band, eased up the pose, switched to post-timeskip design, enlarged the fins for dramatic effect, in the first place there were a line of diamond shape running along his tail (the part that helps a fish sense water pressure and stuffs, if I remember correctly), I turned that into Sanji’s swirls as well. The chosen book in the end was “Noland the Liar” because I wanted to slip in a mer!Noland and see if anyone would notice hehe.. Strings at collar and waist was added last as an attempt to balance the amount of black and white on character. Background was simply a bunch of water flows and bubbles, I tried to portray a fast current, hushing our boy to swim away, back to safe home. The final silhouette and line of action wasn’t as nice as the sketch’s, but I’m not picky. *laziness will overwrite everything*

Finally, we crawled to the step I dreaded the most: coloring and shading... The tone was dark blue, giving of an even more ominous feeling I suppose? The next was this agonizing process of making the first thing to caught your eyes is his face, or better, his eyes, but definitely not his butt. TT_TT The black area was so strong, at one point I considered giving the (now blue) sea a plain black filling to neutralize the effect.

While taking care of the treacherous background, I pondered what Sanji’s All Blue would be, now that mermaid’s diet doesn’t include fish... 😂 Like, as a vegan cook, Sanji would want to get his hand on all kind of vegetable available in both world, sea and land? Then we must have the myth of a place, home to every plant possible? What’s the name?? All Green??? Yeah, All Green sounds legit. When the piece was finally done, I uploaded it so fast I forgot the extra step of slapping on watermark! XD

Annnnd that’s that! That’s the whole process I went through drawing mer!Sanji. Thank you for hearing me out > 3 < 💖

#my heart 🥺#we have a chat

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