#but of course i'm not as into it now as i was a few months ago

[emphistic]

MEDDLE ABOUT

SYN. Being co-stars with your ex-boyfriend of three months is basically hell; or at least, that's what you think. AKA: Sukuna wants you back, whether he's acting or not.

TAGS. actor AU, fem!Reader, mean!Sukuna, exes to lovers, forced proximity, sharing a cigarette, smoking, arguing, eventual smut, Sukuna likes to shut you up with his dick, cockwarming, answering the phone during séx, orgasm denial, dacryphilia, porn w/o plot, use of pet names: baby, sweetheart, pretty girl, my dear (mockingly)

WC. 5.4k (please read anyway 😞)

AN. requested by anon (you didn't specify any genre, so i just freestyled 🤷‍♀️), animated dividers by @/cafekitsune; i'm a sucker for actor AUs; available on ao3; MDNI

“I know you wanna kiss me,” you smiled, leaning closer to Sukuna’s face. Your noses were barely apart, and you couldn’t tell where his breath ended, and where yours started. To be honest, this was far more intimate than any other kiss scene you ever had to film.

“Yeah?” Sukuna grinned, getting equally as close. “And what’re you going to do about that, pretty girl?”

“. . .Fucking slap you, that’s what.” 

“CUT!” The director yelled, groaning in exasperation. “C’mon, people. I know it’s been a long day, but put your differences aside for the sake of one movie, will ya? When you receive your paycheck, you’ll regret all of this ‘huffing and puffing’ you two are both doing right now.”

You exhaled, pulling away from Sukuna. It’s not that you couldn’t remember your correct lines, it’s just. . . You couldn’t take it anymore. Being in the same room as him, breathing in the same air as him, starring in the same movie with him. Fuck, you hated this.

You and Sukuna had broken up exactly three months ago despite having what seemed like a pretty healthy relationship. Seemed is the key word.

Of course, you two had your ups and downs, like an ordinary couple, but what differentiated you two from a normal couple was the fact that you guys both juggled busy careers as an actor and actress. Being booked with interviews, PR stunts, and in general, movies, you and Sukuna didn’t have the ability to spend much time together. And, as if that wasn’t enough, there was constantly a multitude of women on his arm during movie premieres. Yeah, you knew those were all for PR, but still, it hurt to see your boyfriend standing with a woman that wasn’t you every day.

At first, you thought you could take it. Being an actress yourself, you had your fair share of rumors and made up scandals. But it came to a point where you couldn’t take it anymore. You and Sukuna broke up, consequently, and fans immediately voiced their opinions and concerns, bombarding Twitter with trending tags, and posting videos on several apps. The internet had been obsessed with you guys as a couple since the first movie you two co-starred in—which was years ago—so their complaints definitely weren’t for naught.

Originally, you thought that your relationship with Sukuna would end on good terms, but boy, oh boy, were you wrong. Sukuna, just mere days after your breakup, was spotted by paparazzi walking around the city with his arm around a girl you definitely did not recognize as one of his current co-stars. And to make matters worse, he had the audacity to hit you up and ask if he could come over to your penthouse right after.

Men, am I right?

You two may or may not have slept together as exes a few times after your inevitable argument about him and that new girl, but rest assured, you did eventually break things off permanently. Well, you thought you did. As if by fate, you and Sukuna were casted as co-stars in an up-and-coming romance movie that had your fans just dying in anticipation of finally being able to see their favorite (broken up) couple together on screen again.

To be frank, you were originally going to pass up the role as the female lead—seeing as your luck had landed you as co-stars with Sukuna—but your manager apparently really, really wanted you to work on the film, saying things like Think of how elated your fans will be and It’s an adaptation from a book that made millions and Just imagine all of the PR and promoting you could do. It took a while of convincing—and coercing—to get you to finally agree to the role since, after all, PR was the main reason for your and Sukuna’s breakup. But, honestly, you would be lying if you said there weren’t any feelings left for your ex-boyfriend, Sukuna.

“I think we should all take a breather,” Sukuna began, jeering, “before someone gets all hot and bothered by just being on the same set as me. Wouldn’t you agree?” Sukuna turned to you, an expression on his face that just made you want to punch him in the nose.

“‘Hot and bothered’, seriously? Don’t make me laugh.” You rolled your eyes, crossing your arms over your chest.

Sukuna tilted his head to the side, grinning. “Do you think I’m joking? I could feel the way your heart was racing earlier, when we had to shoot that hugging in the rain scene. Just admit it, this isn’t acting for you.”

He was definitely self-projecting, you scowled just by the thought of it.

“Oh, don’t give me that look, sweetheart. We all know how you really feel,” Sukuna teased, leaning down to your eye-level. His breath fanned your reddening ear as he whispered, “You want me so bad it makes you look fucking stupid.”

And when he pulled away, Sukuna added one last remark, “I know it’s been a long three months for you. Say, how’s that blondie treating you, hm? I bet his dick is as small as his future in acting.”

“Ryomen, just stop.” You shook your head. “It’s not like that with him, and you know that. Just leave me alone.”

You shoved at his chest as you walked off set, your assistants following you promptly with water bottles and towels.

In all honesty, you remembered it like it happened yesterday. Before you and Sukuna became boyfriend and girlfriend, your first meeting was in a movie that you both starred in as the female and male lead. It was a romance movie, of course, that was about a couple meeting on an island while both on individual vacations. You two spent most of your days on set in swimsuits and bikinis, consuming fake alcoholic beverages, and, consequently, sleeping together—after the tension just grew unbearable.

On and off camera, Sukuna had been growing an attraction towards you. I mean, who could blame him? You two had to be near each other while being basically half-naked. And, if your pretty face wasn’t enough to beguile Sukuna, your ass definitely was. From the moment he shook hands with you at your first meeting as co-stars, he knew he had to have you—acting or not.

That movie was the start of the skyrocketing of both your and Sukuna’s career in acting. Fans quickly noted how much chemistry the two of you had together, and how well you two could act out emotions and intimate scenes. What the audience didn’t know, though, was that you and Sukuna had started seeing each other a few weeks after shooting together.

Sukuna had invited over the whole cast and team for drinks after a successful movie premiere, and you two ended up talking and conversing in his kitchen whilst a little under the influence. You two hit it off, and learned that being an aspiring actor wasn’t the only thing you two had in common. One glass turned into two, and two turned into stumbling into Sukuna’s bedroom after everyone had responsibly ordered a cab home.

Waking up the morning after, and deciding it wasn’t just going to be a one night stand, you and Sukuna thus began your new relationship. At first, you two avoided being spotted in public together, but it came to a point where your relationship just couldn’t be hidden anymore and you both decided to go public. The internet responded almost immediately with cheers, enthusiasm, and occasionally, expressions showing how un-surprised they were. I mean, you two had been shipped together almost constantly; making it official was almost expected. 

Years passed, the honeymoon stage was over, your careers were more demanding and busy than they had ever been, and, well, you know the rest.

—

“Fancy seeing you here.” 

A grimace immediately made its way onto your face at the sound of Sukuna’s voice calling out to you from behind. 

“Hilarious,” you deadpanned, turning to face Sukuna as he sat down beside you and slung an arm around the back of the couch, “I was hoping the next time I saw you would be at your funeral.”

“A little harsh, don’t you think?” chided Sukuna, as he brought out a cigarette and lit it.

You crossed your arms over your chest, leaning back against the couch. “What do you want?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Sukuna leaned his face closer to yours, his eyes running down your face and naturally drifting to your lips.

“Unless you’re being your usual asshole-self, and here to annoy me in my dressing room, I’m afraid not.”

After you stormed off set, the director decided it was best to just call it a day and continue filming tomorrow. You went outside for a bit to get some fresh air, before deciding to return to your dressing room and get unready. Stripping down and putting on nothing but your robe, you had sat yourself down on the couch and picked up a magazine, planning on spending a few minutes relaxing before making your way home. Sukuna barging in, despite being off the clock, was something you definitely weren’t expecting. He wasn’t supposed to be here, and if someone found out. . .

“You’ll be in a lot of trouble if my makeup artist comes in here and sees you,” you commented. “Go smoke somewhere else.”

At this, Sukuna’s eyes flickered up to your own, and he removed the cigarette from his lips before blowing out the smoke right in front of your face. Your nose scrunched up, as if on instinct, and Sukuna booped your nose with a shit-eating grin on his face.

“I swear,” you began, snatching the cigarette out of Sukuna’s hands, “if I don’t kill you, I hope these will.” Now was your turn to put the cigarette between your lips. You inhaled, and took a deep breath. But, only moments after, the cigarette was out of your hands and abruptly stubbed on a nearby ashtray.

Sukuna looked at you with an intent look on his face. “As much as I find that hot, I’d rather I be the one damaging my lungs. Not you.”

“Looking out for little old me? How cute,” you smiled, your tone sarcastic. “I see you’re not over us, yet, hm? Did that new girl change your mind?”

You leaned closer to Sukuna, your shoulders brushing ever so slightly.

As soon as you mentioned that other chick, Sukuna rolled his eyes. “Oh, please. It was nothing, we didn’t even hold hands. C’mon, all we did was sit next to each other at a party, and now you’re on my ass about her?”

You shrugged, picking up the magazine you had previously discarded and flipping through the pages with faux interest. “Oh, really? Didn’t look that way to me. You two sure seemed buddy-buddy.”

“Like hell we did. Fuck, do you want me to bring up that twig you were with last week? Kid’s got no meat on his arms. Can’t even call him a man. Is that seriously how low you’re willing to go, babe?” Sukuna scoffed at your lack of attention to him. “Shit’s even worse than a downgrade.”

“You can think that all you want. But I definitely disagree.” You struggled to stifle a giggle.

Sukuna, furrowing his brows, narrowed his eyes at you. “The fuck do you mean by that? Don’t tell me you’ve seen his dick.”

“I dunno, have I?” You turned to Sukuna, meeting his gaze with an equal amount of irritation.

“Must’ve been pretty small, though, if you can’t even remember it,” Sukuna pressed, leaning closer to you, your noses touching, before pulling away. “Whatever, this is boring. Say, how about we get back to where we left off, and practice that kissing scene, hm? I think it’s a great idea.”

“Ryomen, let’s not. You know we’re done. Been done. We’re through.”

“You don’t really mean that.”

“Oh, is it not obvious? I think it was pretty obvious when you had the nerve to get with a new girl just days after we broke up. And then you have the balls to call me right after the paparazzi catches you two. Really, Sukuna? I don’t mind the idea of us ending on neutral terms, but . . . 48 hours? Two days after we broke up, and you’re already fucking some girl? Way to go, Sukuna.”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself there, baby. We didn’t even kiss, did you see any pictures of us kissing? No. And, besides, it’s called provocation. Honestly, you should be praising me, because it worked in the end, didn’t it? I came ‘crawling back’ like one of your little bitch boys, and what happened? Oh, I remember; you let me right the fuck in to your apartment.”

As much as you hated to admit it, you couldn’t deny Sukuna. He was right. And, just the mere thought of what you two did after he hit you up brought heat to your cheeks.

The very same night after pictures of Sukuna and that new girl started circulating around the internet, Sukuna decided to text you:

hey pretty girl,

you up?

You were drying yourself off with a towel when you received two notifications on your phone, and when you saw the contact name, you frowned and turned off your phone without giving a response. Minutes after, there was a ring on your doorbell, and when you checked the camera, lo and behold, stood none other than the last pink-haired man you wanted to see that evening.

When you opened the door, wearing nothing other than a towel around your still dripping body, Sukuna couldn’t help but shamelessly check you out, deciding then and there that this definitely wasn’t going to be the end of your relationship. Of course, an argument ensued soon after, because that’s what life was like dating a dick like Sukuna. Luckily for you, however, Sukuna’s bulge in his pants was bigger than his ego, and so it made up for all of the playful bullying and teasing remarks that he frequently gave.

Sukuna—because he wasn’t born yesterday—knew his looks and charms fairly well, and often used them as a weapon or bargaining chip. That’s why, after you spent a minute or two berating and yelling at Sukuna near your front door, it only took the man one look into your eyes and one sultry comment to have you both stumbling into the . . . bedroom? No, you two had been apart for two days too long, and just decided to utilize your expensive kitchen counters for purposes completely unrelated to cooking.

The next morning, you two woke up—after getting just half an hour of sleep—and didn’t untangle from each other’s limbs until your manager called you nearly a hundred times, and forced you to get up and attend some interview or something. That, however, was not your last night with Sukuna. You two met up—intentionally or not—within the same week, whether it be at interviews or just random outings, and meddled with the other until one of you would fold (usually Sukuna) and consequently do something you would end up not fully regretting the next morning.

This affair continued until you finally came to your senses and blocked Sukuna out from your life in all ways possible. But, due to his bank account, Sukuna did end up purchasing multiple different phones just to be able to contact you. You may or may not have given in a few times, but in the end, you did end up leaving Sukuna for good.

“Reminiscing, are you? It’s okay, I’ve been doing that every night since you left the penthouse,” Sukuna laughed, noticing the way you went silent. You hated the way he referred to his place as The penthouse, and not, simply, his penthouse because, to be frank, for the years you both spent as a couple, you practically lived together despite having individual residences.

“What the hell, Sukuna. Just—Why are you even—?”

Sukuna cut you off, rolling his eyes. “I find it pretty hard to believe that not a single part of you misses me. Don’t lie; lying is a sin, y’know.”

“Sukuna—Excuse me? Don’t give me that shit. ‘Lying is a sin’ my ass. You must have to ask for God’s forgiveness pretty often, then. I can’t believe you want to call me a sinner, I mean, just—just look at you! You’re no saint, either, and you know that damn well.”

Sukuna raised his hands in defense, humoring you. “Woah, looks like I’ve been caught,” he laughed, before getting a little more serious. “But, don’t try to avoid the fact that you’re not innocent. Okay, we broke up due to not being able to make time for each other, and because of how much women I had to be around. Yeah, I get that. But it’s not like I was the only one taking up PR stunts. You did the same, too, didn’t you? So don’t try and paint me out to be the bad guy, when, at the end of the day, we did the same fucking thing.”

Irritated, you pinched the space between your brows. “I barely have any energy to say something to your stupid face right now. We broke up because of that, but also because of how much of a fucking dick you were and are. I knew you weren’t a total angel when we got together but—”

“Look. Do you want a nice guy?”

“. . .”

“Don’t feel pressured to answer, baby. We all know how you really feel.”

“Go. to. Hell. Sukuna. Seriously. This? Again? Do you even know how much of an ass you are? I should deserve an award for putting up with your shit for so long, God—”

“Yeahh, just keep talking,” said Sukuna in a teasing manner, as he leaned back against the couch, spreading his legs apart. You had never wanted to sit somewhere so bad.

“Are you fucking kidding me—mmph!”

You would’ve continued yelling and cursing Sukuna out for being such a dick had he not roughly pressed his lips against yours, immediately shutting you up. Because you still had some self-respect left, you fought back, throwing weak punches at his chest; but when Sukuna caught your wrists in his hands, you knew it was game over. Your muffled complaints soon turned to whimpers and sighs, as you shut your eyes and let your body do the talking.

Minute after minute, you gradually turned to putty in Sukuna’s hands. Fuck, as much as you hated to admit it, you had truly missed this. The feeling of his large, coarse hands roaming your body, tracing your curves, the feeling of his soft, but unruly hair under your fingertips, but most importantly, the feeling of his lips on yours.

At this point, you couldn’t even remember why the two of you broke up.

“Sukuna,” you murmured, pulling away for a moment to breathe. “We’re not together anymore. We shouldn’t—”

“Shouldn’t?” repeated Sukuna, eager to get back to where you left off. “Are you in a relationship with someone else? Am I in a relationship with someone else? No, and no. So enlighten me, my dear, why should we stop?”

“. . .” It was like he was challenging you, except, this time, it was a battle you could afford to lose. You wanted Sukuna, you really did. But admitting it was the hard part. You chewed on your bottom lip, contemplating every outcome, as Sukuna continued to stare at you with so much desire you could practically feel it.

“Are you hesitating because,” Sukuna paused, “—because you fucked someone else while I was gone?”

You sighed, swallowing the lump in your throat; you had never been more conflicted in your life. Placing your hands on Sukuna’s shoulders, you pushed back until Sukuna was sitting on the couch, and you were sitting on top of him—seated on his lap. As if on instinct, his hands made their way from your hips to the curve of your ass.

Sukuna gripped the globes of fat and muscle with a purpose, and let out an exaggerated groan at the missed feeling of you practically sitting on his dick. You were wearing nothing but a dainty, silky robe, and you clearly didn’t cross it over your chest too well, as Sukuna could see almost everything he had been missing out on during the past few months.

“Don’t even think about lying to me. I can feel you throbbing on my thigh, y’know.”

“. . .And?” You raised a brow; whispering in Sukuna’s ear, “What about it?”

Biting your lip, you let your hands wander up and down Sukuna’s neck, the spot you knew he liked you touching. When you broke things off with Sukuna, you didn’t know you could miss being able to trace his tattoos as bad as you did.

“Oh?” asked Sukuna. But when his fingers wandered up your robe, there was a sudden change in Sukuna’s demeanor, and he sucked in a breath.

“Adorable,” you laughed. “Cat got your tongue?”

“Shit, baby,” Sukuna groaned, “I bet you were expecting me to come and visit your little dressing room, huh. Even planned ahead and gave me a little surprise. Cheeky thing.”

Just seconds earlier, Sukuna’s fingers had been teasingly ghosting where you wanted him most, but when he noticed the lack of underwear you had on, he nearly lost it. You clearly weren’t making it easy for Sukuna to stay composed, he was sure of that much. Despite all of his belittling and teasing remarks, he definitely wasn’t as unaffected as he let himself seem to be.

“We’ve just been apart for so, so long.” You looked into Sukuna’s eyes, a faux pout on your lips as you looped your arms around his neck and pressed your tits up against his chest. “Can you blame me?”

“Fuck, girl,” Sukuna kissed his teeth. “You’re dripping wet. All for me?”

“Who the fuck else?”

Sukuna’s fingers danced around your entrance, collecting your slick as you pressed your thighs together, trapping his hand between your legs (not like he was complaining, though; that was probably the closest to Heaven Sukuna would ever get in his lifetime). “Mmm, that’s what I like to hear.”

It wasn’t a surprise when you pressed your lips against Sukuna’s, bringing him in for another zealous kiss. In an effort to get impossibly closer, your body curved into his, like you were puzzle pieces molded and created just for each other. You two moved in sync, as if you had both rehearsed this before; but, in truth, you two had just made out too many times to count, so kissing Sukuna was basically like breathing air. You needed it to survive, and, it was light work. What more could you say?

The tension and lust between you two grew, and your dressing room soon filled with the sound of sensual desire, moans and quiet gasps, and the creaking of the framework of your unfortunate couch, which had the misfortune of being beneath the two of you.

From the moment you had begun straddling his lap, you had pretended not to notice the growing erection below you; but, by now, it was pretty hard to ignore the bulge pressing against your ass. It was like, during the months you two spent apart, Sukuna’s dick was growing even larger than before. You didn’t remember it being so big. And, just the sight of it was enough to make you lick your lips in fear? Anticipation? . . .Definitely a mix of both.

As Sukuna made a show of removing his belt and pants, he grinned at the evident look of unfamiliarity on your face. “Scared?”

“Of course not,” you quipped, trying to put up a front, but your body betrayed you, displaying otherwise.

“Naturally,” Sukuna mocked, “that’s why I can practically feel your arousal, right?”

You bit your lip, “Shut up.”

Sukuna laughed, pushing the ends of your robe up to rest on your hips, and sliding his hands to your ass, squeezing each cheek with an equal amount of force. Damn, thought Sukuna, he had missed his favorite girls.

“Just because we haven’t done this in a while doesn’t mean you have to be afraid of it. C’mon,” Sukuna slowly repositioned and lowered your hips and spread your legs apart, easing his dick through your cunt, “there’s nothing to be shy about. I know you’ve been missing this.”

It was true, you and Sukuna hadn’t fucked in three whole months, and your body was definitely starting to forget how he felt. The feeling of your walls stretching to accommodate Sukuna’s length and size burned pleasurably, and you bit your lip to stifle a moan, which, in turn, just came out as a whimper instead.

Bracing yourself, you planted both palms on Sukuna’s broad shoulders as your lashes fluttered and your eyes shut tight. “So—nngh—So big, Sukuna. God.”

“Bet you’re real glad you decided to accept this role, after all, huh.”

Your eyes snapped open, and you glared at Sukuna. “Will you just shut—oh!”

Just as you were about to yell at Sukuna, he decided it was the absolute perfect time to give a rough thrust; and you could’ve sworn you felt him in your womb. Throughout all the years you two had been together, you rarely had the opportunity to actually sit on his dick, and, now that you had the chance, you realized how full you felt in this position compared to how you two usually fucked. Sukuna knew you liked it rough, but this . . . was like nothing you had experienced before.

Sukuna—laughing—leaned down just enough to whisper in your ear, “You were saying?”

“Fuck,” you gritted your teeth. “Just move, Sukuna, goddamnit. What’s the holdup? Don’t tell me the late twenties are catching up to your libido.”

“Ha! in your dreams. I was just thinking of a new way we could have fun. Let’s see, just how long can you go without moving, hm?”

You gulped. “W-What? Why would you—?”

“Because it’s exciting, and spices up things. Don’t you think so?”

“. . .”

As the minutes idly passed by, you grew hot and bothered, and exasperated. You couldn’t believe Sukuna was making you do this. Nearly ninety days you two spent apart, and now that you had gotten back together, he had the audacity to leave you high and dry? In a final attempt at getting any satisfaction, you moved to roll your hips, desperate to create any amount of friction to free you from this everlasting state between Heaven and Hell; but two rough hands abruptly caught you in motion, and swiftly held you down.

“Ah, ah, ah,” tutted Sukuna, in a mocking tone. “Did I say you could move?”

Clearly frustrated, you let out a whine; but as your hands move to give punches against Sukuna’s chest, he catches your wrists in his hands with ease, an evil smile on his face, like a predator that had successfully cornered their prey and was just seconds away from latching their teeth in.

The belt was already pretty loose, so when one of the sleeves on your robe slipped down your shoulder, revealing your bare chest, no one was that surprised.

“Oh?” Sukuna began. “What have we here?” His scarlet eyes roamed up and down your figure, as his grip on your wrists turned almost deathly.

“You . . . bastard,” you—suddenly feeling a bit shy—tried to tug your wrists out of his grasps, in order to cover yourself up, but your attempts were futile. “Let go of me—hnngh, shit.”

Your back arched, body curving closer to Sukuna’s as his lips abruptly wrapped around one of your already hard nipples, catching you off guard. You had never felt so overwhelmed; the feeling of Sukuna sucking on a tit while his dick was buried inside of you—unmoving—was nearly enough to make you cum, despite the lack of movement that Sukuna allowed.

Bringing you out of your dazed state was the sudden ringing of your phone on the table beside the ashtray. Your eyes widened in surprise, as you softly pushed Sukuna off of you. “Just—Just ignore it. It’s not important.”

“Right. But where’s the fun in that, huh?”

“You don’t mean. . .”

“You know what I mean. Answer it, on speaker,” Sukuna pressed. His tone told you he wasn’t going to repeat himself.

With shaky fingers, you reached for the phone, answered the caller, and put it on speaker. “H-Hello? Katayama?”

Katayama was the name of one of your co-stars. Or, in other words, the blonde dude, which Sukuna kept mentioning earlier.

“Hey, you! It’s pretty late right now, perfect time for us to go out and get some drinks, y’know? I’m a bit bored, as of lately.”

You were about to respond with an apologetic declination to his offer, but Sukuna cut you off as he roughly lifted up your hips and abruptly slammed them back down, causing you to choke back a moan, and cover it up with a faux series of coughs. “I’m, ah, a little . . . busy,” you whimpered, wincing at the tight grip on your hips—which was sure to leave a bruise in the morning, “right now.”

“Are you sick?”

“Uhm, no—I mean, yes!” You let out another fake cough just to seal the deal. “Yup, just a little under the weather.”

You bit your lip, trying to suppress a string of moans and curses as Sukuna continued slamming your hips up and down onto his.

“Well, if you’re ever in need of an extra warm blanket, don’t be afraid to—”

“Hahh.” A breathy moan slipped past your lips, and you could practically see the surprised look that was probably on Katayama’s face right now.

“—call . . . me. Uhm, are you sure you’re sick? You sound like you’re in the middle of . . . something. Is everything okay—?”

“Yup! Yeah, everything is totally okay,” you forced out, with an enthusiastic tone. Gripping Sukuna’s shoulder with your free hand for leverage, you shut your eyes tight as you quickly ended the call. “I’m a little occupied at the moment, I’ll call you ba—I’m gonna go. Bye!”

As swiftly as you hung up the call, you threw your phone across the couch, and let out all of the noises you had been previously bottling up.

“I’m so c-close.” You mewled, now even more desperate than you were before.

“If you dare cum,” Sukuna began, his voice low, “I’ll stop.”

“Sukuna!” You whined, scratching at his back and leaving little crescent shaped marks from your nails on his tricep. “I need to—ahnn!”

Squeezing your eyes shut, you held onto Sukuna’s shoulders for dear life as he quickened his pace. Lifting your hips up with ease, and slamming them back down with equal force. Fucked out of your mind was not enough to describe your current state, as your eyes rolled back into your head, and your lipstick was smudged across your mouth.

Sukuna leaned down to whisper into your ear, never stopping his movements. “Bet the little blondie didn’t fuck you like this, huh?”

It was obvious that Sukuna wasn’t an insecure guy; I mean, he had no reason to be. He had nice muscles, a good body, overall, sharp features, tempting eyes, and tattoos for days. But, you had to admit, the spark of jealousy was definitely a good look on Sukuna, one that you wouldn’t mind seeing every once in a while, if it meant seeing him like . . . this.

“. . .S-Sukuna, we never—we never even fucked in the first place.”

“Oh, yeah? How long you been without cock, then, huh? Must be why you’ve been acting like such a bitch. I almost feel bad; all this time, my baby’s just been depraved.”

“. . .F-fuck you,” you shivered, body practically shaking with need.

“No need to state the obvious, sweetheart. Fuck, even your tears taste sweet,” Sukuna groaned, licking a stripe up your cheek. “It’s as if you were literally made for me to devour.”

“Please, please let me cum! I’m so—hnngh—close.”

“Yeah, no. C’mon, I know my girl can last just a little longer, can’t you?” Sukuna grinned, biting his lip as he admired your dazed state. He hadn’t been able to touch you in three months, ninety days, 504 hours. If anyone was going to get their fill, it was him.

—

“Oh!” Your stylist exclaimed, after walking into your dressing room and noticing you lying asleep on the couch. “You’re already here. And, Sukuna’s here, too. Wait. . . SUKUNA’S HERE, TOO!?”

[starlightazriel]

bee 11

desc: modern bestfriends > lovers (femreader) (tattoo artist az)

warnings: 18+, drug/alcohol addiction/recovery, reader overthinking/insecure/depressed, jealousy, archeron sisters have entered the chat, angst, fluff, co-dependence(and all the trauma that comes with it),

wc: 4.2k

a/n: wow i'm so sorry this took so long as some of you know i been going through some things anyyyway we've come so far since the beginning myyy goodness, as much as I love sober az I already miss the az who was doing a line before a tattoo, but alas after all the drama last time I hope this makes up for it <3 kisses xoxox

other parts on my az masterlist

eleven

Sixty days.

Sixty days of loneliness.

Sixty days of an empty house.

Sixty days of overthinking.

Sixty days of gut wrenching anxiety.

Sixty days of no contact.

Sixty days of not hearing his voice.

It had been my idea, the whole no contact, and now, it felt like it had been the worst fucking idea in the world. Facing him now seemed impossible. Would he look different? Would he be different?

Fucking idiot. Do you know how much can change in sixty days? Sober Ariel won't even want you.

It had been maybe a week in when the seed of doubt had blossomed in my gut. The regret for the dumb idea that space was the best thing for our relationships, time to figure ourselves out so we could add to each others lives— instead of depending on each other. Him, needing me, me needing to be needed.

It was such a fine line between give and take and I had offered every last piece of myself to him without a hesitation. With him gone, with him healing, getting better... What would he need me for? What was I supposed to do with myself? School was hardly distracting, and finals coming up should have helped but only made it worse.

Rhys and Cass had visited him, a few times, they had also gone on another Vegas trip, without him obviously, apartment hunting. That did nothing to soothe my gut either, that was real. It was happening in mere months they were moving to Vegas. Neither did the way they all stopped talking about him when I was around, did he tell them something? Did he tell them he was going to break it off with me for good when he got home? Or did my friends really think I was that fragile? That I couldn't even handle hearing about him?

'I would let Rhys sue me for breaking contract before I would leave this city without you.' his previous words echoed in my mind, I had been so sure he meant it when he'd said that to me, so sure that I would never be alone again.

And of course I wanted him to get clean, but somehow, everything felt different now. I wasn't so sure of anything anymore. Would he still feel the same way?

I hadn't even looked into transferring schools. He had told me to, before he left... But doing that made everything more real, and what if he changed his mind when he saw me again?

He wouldn't be in a drug clouded haze anymore. He wouldn't need me anymore, not the way that I needed him.

And I wouldn't even get any alone time with him, not immediately. Rhys was throwing a little get together for him, he was so proud, they were all so proud of him.

I hated that I wasnt as proud as everyone else when I should be the most proud, I hated that I was afraid of the new Azriel. There would be nothing for me to fix anymore.

With every waking moment that passed my anxiety and insecurity grew. Getting ready for his 'sober party' seemed surreal to me, it only created more doubts in my mind. I mean, had Azriel, my Az, really agreed to that? Even as a sober version of himself— it seemed doubtful.

-

Sixty days.

Sixty days of detoxing his mind, body, and soul.

Sixty days of boring meals.

Sixty days of therapy multiple times a week.

Sixty days of sharing his darkest side with complete strangers.

Sixty days of uncomfortable beds and scratchy sheets.

Sixty days of living in sweat pants because it was all he had packed.

Sixty days of heart stopping guilt and revelations about himself and his behavior.

Sixty days of torturous inescapable demons that seemed to be at war in his mind.

Sixty days of not hearing her voice.

The moment she had told him she didn't want to talk to him while he was in rehab, he had wanted to stay. Give up the idea entirely and quit on his own accord. He didn't though, he went. And it wasn't only for her. No, it was for him too. And he thought maybe it was valid, maybe they did need space, time away to clear their minds and have a true fresh start. He could do things right this time.

And now, with his head clear, he was happy he had gone. He felt stronger, in his mind and body. It had been a lot, a lot of facing things that had happened in his childhood that he had never dared to face before. Things he didnt have to face when drugs and alcohol had been his safety net for so many years. He realized he didnt need substances to deal with those things, his traumas didnt make him weak or vulnerable, they made him stronger.

He did recognize his problem, and he couldn't say for sure that he would never touch the bottle or snort a line ever again because that was just unrealistic. He was only human and he would do his absolute best to be a good man, for himself.

For Bee too. If she still wanted anything to do with him, the silence between them was the loudest one he'd ever felt, even miles away.

Bee.

His lover. His everything.

There was nothing that could get in the way anymore, he hadn't realized until now how much his addictions had been separating him from her. And of course he had gotten off it before but never without alcohol to help him along. He had never been so fucking deep into his addictions, had never gone that crazy. What he had done was completely unacceptable and now he could only hope for the best when he saw her. A party thrown by Rhys and his girlfriend hadn't been his ideal meeting place... But it had been completely sprung on him. Him being in rehab wasnt a secret, but that didn't mean he wanted to advertise it. Rhys had promised it was a very small get together, just something to show their support. 'No pictures.' Azriel had been sure to clear that up with him. The party was supposed to be a surprise, luckily for Az, Rhys knew him better than that.

-

Rhys and his new girlfriend had out done themselves along with the help of Mor who had told me this morning when she arrived in town that she wouldn't have missed this for the world. 'I mean, Azriel sober? I have to see it for myself and support,' she had said over coffees earlier, I had gotten quiet, I knew I could have talked to her about how I was feeling. But it felt wrong, it was embarrassing to say the least. I didnt think she would understand, either.

Rhys' place was decked out, balloons everywhere, charcuterie and little desserts lined both of the large tables, there was a mocktail station and a coffee station where she had also decorated Rhys' coffee pot, another table had a 'fill your own cone' bud bar that included a big jar full of Azriels favorite cigarettes as well. Her theme was 'Sober & Slaying' and there were banners and balloons to match. My heart had swelled the moment I had entered the apartment and part of me felt a little guilty for not getting here earlier. I hadn't been doing much of anything though, I wasn't eating right, I wasn't sleeping right, my thoughts and fears and insecurities had been practically eating me alive. They hadn't even asked me to help with set up, simply to show up on time, I at least had arrived twenty minutes early.

"Oh good! You're here, will you help me with this last mocktail?" Feyre beams after she had pulled me into a quick hug. She was very sweet although a bit reserved at first she had warmed up to me quickly. She was setting up some last minute decorations, I was early, of course, my anxious gut hadn't allowed me to sit at home a moment longer.

Part of me was hoping this new relationship would entice Rhys to stay a little bit longer, but they were already talking about going long distance until Feyre was ready to take the leap and move to Vegas. Seemed awfully soon to even be talking about it to me, but I wasn't one to judge, they did seem madly in love nearly instantly, and Rhys was, different. Nicer even.

"Yeah of course," I flashed her a grin and tasted the mocktail she was working on before I added some more of the homemade blueberry simple syrup she had made. "So good," I hummed in approval once I had tasted it again.

"So like, will this be the first time you and Az speak?" Mor tries to make it sound as casual as possible, my eyes focus intently as I transferred the mocktail to the aesthetically pleasing drink dispensers Feyre had put out.

"Um yeah, I haven't seen him or spoke to him since the night before he left," I shrugged, my eyes not lifting once. It had been quite the emotional night, it felt like a lifetime ago.

"I visited him once, he looks really good," she responded and I couldn't stop the jealous pang that hit my gut. Space. We had decided space was the right thing for us, a reset to our relationship after everything we had been through. My dumb idea, but he had agreed. I only smiled in response, and was glad when Cassian arrived with a cake in hand, his loud greeting drew all the attention away from me. Bless him. I found a corner to sit in, a quiet corner with my phone and one of the mocktails Feyre had made. A few more arrived, Feyres sisters, which I had only met a handful of times. Why were they here? Az didn't know them, did he? The only way that was possible would be if Rhys had brought them for one of his visits— the mocktail felt sour in my stomach and I felt more than relieved when Kat finally arrived and joined me in my corner.

"Hi love, how you holding up?" Kat had been very supportive through this entire rehab thing, and was making my loneliness nearly bearable.

"I'm fine, really, just coping with all of— all of the emotions of all the sudden change I guess," I shrug easily, Kat was the only one I had really felt comfortable to tell my true feelings to. She was the only one I knew that wouldn't judge. She nodded in understanding, making herself comfortable in her seat.

"That's valid, it's a lot to take in girl," She begins and I'm relieved when she can't continue because Cassian is all but shouting a second later.

"He's coming up he texted me a few minutes ago," Cassians voice drowns out the chatter around the room and I feel my insides go to liquid, my throat feeling tight and constricted.

My heart stopped when I finally laid my eyes on him. Impossibly sexier. His face was more full, color in his cheeks, a sparkle in his eye I hadn't seen since we were kids, he stood straighter, making him look impossibly taller, shoulders spread, oozing with a confidence I hadn't seen in a long time. My gut twisted, my heart picking up, a steady hammer against my chest. I held my breath when our eyes met, his face fell as he scanned me from across the room and I wanted nothing more than to drop into the hole in the floor. It wasn't exactly the reaction I'd been hoping for. I knew I looked awful— but shit, we hadn't seen each other in two months.

"Azriel, it's nice to see you again," Elain is the first person in front of him she's loud enough to hear across the room, her sing song voice carrying, and I try to ignore it but my eyes are glued to his, and he has to tear his away from mine.

"So what, Rhys took Feyre and her random sisters to see Az in rehab?" I drop my voice, forcing myself to look away, to tune out their conversation to the best of my abilities. Kat bit her lip, a notable guilty blush creeping across her cheeks.

"I um.. I was there too," she admits, twirling her hair around her finger, I squint slightly. She could have at least told me that. "It was a last minute thing," she explained quickly, my expression probably throwing her off. I was jealous, I couldn't deny that— I had no one to blame but myself. If I'd never been so set on having space away from eachother... My blood heated, she was gorgeous, just the type that Azriel would go for to. "They just happened to be there and we made a group trip of it— and yeah, I didn't think you'd want to know, considering..." she trailed off and I shrugged my shoulders.

"Yeah, I don't mind at all," I would have rather jumped off of the balcony than have this conversation, I shouldn't have asked. The FOMO was certainly real and I wondered if that's why they were constantly all whispers when talking about Azriel, to spare me of that feeling.

"Youre not imagining her googly eyes though," she scoffs as she glances back over at them and then to me mocking a gag, I smirked a little bit glancing back at them once more and then to Kat again. She was for sure laying it on thick with the sweet tone and all of the unnecessary blinks. I didnt remember that about the first few times I met her.

"I mean I can't even blame her— he looks..." I trailed off searching for the right word, he looked amazing, delicious, sexier than he'd ever had before. He was practically glowing with whatever newfound confidence he'd gained from facing his many demons.

"I know that's your man but he looks hot," she finishes for me and we giggle together, I ignored the heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach that maybe he wasnt my man anymore.

"That he does," I sigh, twirling my straw around in my cup, suddenly I regretted not sneaking a few nips into my purse. I wouldn't get drunk at a sober party, I wouldn't, but something to take the edge off would be nice, and a joint didn't seem like the right option.

I effectively avoided Azriel for at least an hour, I hadn't been keeping track of time but it felt like it had been at least that long. I wasnt ready for a conversation, not when one look at him made my heart stop.

My stomach was growling, and I needed a snack. I was carefully piling charcuterie onto my plate when I jumped and nearly dropped the whole thing.

"Youre avoiding me, and youre doing a good job for how small the space is," his voice is the same one I remember, low and gravelly and sexy.

"Im not," I insist, just hoping he hadn't noticed the way I visibly jumped at the sound of his voice.

"I think I know when my girlfriend is avoiding me," he left a heavy emphasis on the word, looking at me expectantly as if he was daring me to challenge his claim on our relationship status. Relief washed over me, a tension that I hadn't been able to ease since the last time I saw him.

"Its just— Its been a lot I don't know, and having this conversation here... Seems like a lot too," I took a step back from the table but turned around to face him, I could feel more than one pair of eyes watching us, it only made me more uncomfortable.

"Are you eating?" its a direct question, soft but firm, his eyes scanning over every inch of me. My stomach flips, my cheeks reddening.

"Yes," I lift the small plate of cheese, crackers, and fruit as if that proved anything.

"Hm," he doesn't seem satisfied with my answer, his eyes not leaving me for a second.

"You look good Az, you look different," I chewed the inside of my lip, hoping my anxiousness didnt bleed into my words.

"Im still me baby im just better," that same confident smirk spreads across his lips, I knew it well but somehow- there was a different spark behind it. Something all those drugs had dimmed. A light I hadn't seen in a while. "For example, Im not gonna nod off on the couch anymore because Ive had a handle to myself for two days straight and Im hours off a two week coke bender," he said it so casually and leave it to Azriel to make a joke out of it. "From now on," his voice drops as if he knew they were all listening, I felt Elain's curious eyes on us and I knew she was trying to catch every word. Sorry, hes mine. "I won't fall asleep without making sure you are fed, fucked, and tucked into bed."

I blush, looking away from his stare, something in my gut eases but the anxiety is still settled there.

"And Im sorry, for each and every time I failed you. Im clear headed now and—" he cuts himself off, and maybe it was the look on my face that stopped him. "Would you feel better if we went outside?" he nods to the balcony, I quickly nod, desperate to be alone with him and not on display like some soap that they were all watching.

"Please, its. little stuffy in here," my words are a little rushed, and they were true, I felt like I could barely breathe anymore. And I was making a complete idiot out of myself when Azriel hadn't seen me in two months. I feel his hand on my back and he guides me out onto Rhys balcony, I don't look back again, I lean up against the balcony, resting my elbow on the railing and sucking in a deep breath of fresh air before popping one of the pieces of cheese into my mouth.

Azriel joins me after he had shut the door behind us, leaning up against the balcony next to me and he lit up a joint he had gotten off of the bud bar.

"Did you tell your psychiatrist you were going to smoke?" I ask casually, trying to change the subject into something else. Anything else but our relationship, I shouldn't be worried, he had already said I was still his girlfriend.

"Yes," he shrugged, taking another drag from it, I could feel his eyes on me as I set my plate down on the nearby table. I had barely touched it.

"And what did they say?" I ask, quirking a brow as I take it from him, it was annoying that I was more at ease now, normal territory, I didnt like the way sober Az could see right through me, I had thought he was able to before, and now?

He shrugged again, watching me. "Why are you trying to avoid talking about us?" he reaches out, tucking my hair behind my ear so I can't hide from him, my breath catches. He took the joint back, taking one more long drag before putting it out. I shook my head, I couldn't find the right words. He grabs my wrist gently and turns me around so my back is against the railing, his body so close, the scent of his cologne slamming into my senses. "Why?" he repeats, his eyes meeting mine in the dim light, his voice is soft and careful.

"I— I don't know Az," I breathe out, my heart felt like it would pound out of my chest. "It's just I—" I look away, unable to meet his gaze when I feel the word vomit coming. "Im afraid, Azriel. I am. And I know it's fucked up because I shouldn't be. I feel sick, sick with myself that I have been more worried about whether or not you would still want me when you got back than I have about you and your actual recovery. Ive been worried about you being different and not needing me and I know Im so fucked up for that there's something wrong with me and Im sorry—"

"Hey, hey, stop, breathe for a second," he interrupts me, a small sigh leaving his lips as he places both of his hands on my cheeks, lifting my face to look at him and he gently wipes away my shameful tears with his rough thumbs, the feeling makes my spine tingle. "Don't feel bad for anything that you feel or have felt in these past weeks," he assures me, one of his thumbs still gently rubbing against my cheek, his eyes burning into mine. "I— I created that for you, that whole thinking you need to be needed by me. I created this... Trauma bond, I know that now, I know that I made our relationship toxic. It's not your fault, I hadn't dealt with any of my shit and I basically put it on to you. Im sorry, Im sorry you felt like that at all and I wish..." he sighed softly, one of his hands fell to my waist. "I wish I had the courage to call you, because I wanted to so many times, but I didnt think you'd want to talk to me. You needed space and I had to respect that but seeing you now, seeing you haven't been taking care of yourself like you should have. I should have been there for you," he sighed, clearly frustrated with himself. "I know where I fucked up, I know what kind of damage Ive done, this only proves it," he brushed his finger over the dark circle underneath my eye. "I love you, I love you so much, maybe too much sometimes," he sighs again, I fight the urge to close my eyes and lean into his touch.

"Az I love you too," I breathe out because Im stunned into silence. Everything hes said, his accountability, his words, they felt like they were crashing into me.

"Im not going to leave you like that ever again," he promised, and took a step closer, pressing his body into mine. He felt stronger, more solid. It was almost like he had left a boy and returned a man. "You are going to be my wife some day, you are the fucking definition of ride or die Bee, I swear, for the last two months the more clear my head got I just realized one thing over and fucking over," he wasnt afraid, he had absolutely no hesitations, every single word felt like a promise, and I felt like my heart was palpitating. "I hit the fucking jack pot with you, and I fear the smartest thing that Ive ever done in my life was share my favorite candy with the girl across the street."

My cheeks are burning, tears streaming, but they aren't sad, just emotional. I don't know what else to do, my words are caught in my throat so I kissed him. I pulled him down, my fingers tugging in the hairs at the nap of his neck, our tongues tangling perfectly like they always had. He was mine, still my Az, better, better like he had said. He was right. A soft groan escaped his lips, my stomach flipped at the sound, the thought of how he would have his way with me later after so many days apart. My body melted into his at the thought, our hungry kiss only escalating. Our desperate need for each other matching perfectly, our emotions pouring into the heated kiss. I tilted my head his lips traveling down my jaw and across my neck, settling behind my ear and gently sucking. I squeezed my eyes shut tighter, I moaned his name softly, my body feeling like a hot puddle.

"Hmm?" he hummed against my skin, his hand had slipped under my dress where he was rubbing soft circles on the least sensitive part of my thigh, somehow it was still driving me mad.

"We, we should go in now... They are going to be wondering whats taking us so long," I breathed out, I couldn't even see past Azriel into the house, I was sure they could see us though, or at least see Azriel pinning me against the railing.

"They should have known better than to throw me a party when I haven't seen my baby in sixty whole days, and they definitely should have known better than to let you wear this dress," he tugs lightly at the fabric. "They should have known Id need alone time with you," his eyes glimmered with mischief. "I have a lot of making up to do," he added, tracing his scarred finger over my jawline.

"I hated this idea more than you Im sure," I admitted guiltily, biting down on my lip. "But they worked really hard Az," I tried to peek around him to see inside again, he only shifted to block my view.

"Fine, but five more minutes," he smirked, tilting my chin up again.

"Five more minutes," I whispered breathlessly before he crashed his lips onto mine again, and I felt all of my anxiety melt away, as if he was pulling it from me.

And I felt safe.

Home.

Safe.

-

taglist <3:

@smalljasper289 @cynthiesjmxazrielslover @scorpioriesling @userxs-blog @lilah-asteria @abadfantasybook @judeduartewannbe @lindsayscottagebythesea @velarisdusk @serxndipity-ipity-blog @julesvanslutta @honk4emoboyz @bookishbishhh @dakotali @blessthepizzaman @scooobies @durgenyx @lorosette @kayjaywrites

[lilacgaby]

˗ˏˋ🧸 bows and bottles ౨ৎ

pairing: girldad!megumi x wife!reader

summary: megumi had been shocked by you multiple times this year. finding out you were pregnant? a shocker. with a girl though? even more shocking. good thing he was a natural.

tags: pet names, pregnancy, afab!reader, domestic au, marriage, insecurities, fluff

(a/n: another lovely ask by @lexiene !! i think every jjk character is a girldad personally )

those two lines you showed to him changed the course of his life.

he was nervous sure, but you being there always calmed him down. he examined the rest of the items you'd placed in the gift box one by one, noting the gender-neutral clothing.

"you don't know the gender yet?"

"no silly! i'm only like.. a month. i think i have to be eighteen weeks or something to know."

"oh, okay."

"are you hoping for a gender?" you asked, moving your legs to face him on the couch.

"no, as long as they're healthy." he answered honestly, though the thought of having a girl did make him feel a bit nervous.

"hm, okay."

the weeks working up to the appointment you'd made were nerve wracking for megumi. you'd only been suffering mild symptoms of nausea and fatigue, so he'd been at your hand and feet most days.

the months had passed and your bump had grew. he'd been an angel for you, never letting you complain for more than a couple seconds. he'd wake up in the middle of the night and cook for you if you needed, he just wanted you and his kid to be safe.

as he drove to the appointment, reality set into him. you were having his baby, and they were going to find out the gender right now.

but an idea struck you in the car. "hey, how about we have them keep it a secret? we can have a fun little gender reveal party."

he physically slumped at the idea, relaxing a bit. "yeah, sounds good. but a small party, gojo is way too much of a lightweight for a huge one like last time."

you laughed at the memory, looking out the window as you held megumi's hand close to your thigh.

the visit at the doctor's was quick, they put the results of the ultrasound into an envelope for you two, and let you take home dozens of copies of the scans.

you went home content, smiling brightly as you looked over the pictures.

"they have your nose." you said out of the blue.

"you can't even tell that, it's a scan."

"yes i can."

"whatever you say."

the next week you had a small get together with some of your friends and megumi's. you wore a plain white dress since you didn't mind if it was a boy or a girl, and megumi wore a white button-up.

gojo wore a pink shirt, and argued with yuuji who was wearing a blue shirt.

nobara was carrying bags and bags of baby supplies, but was also wearing a pink shirt.

nanami was there holding a small gift box, he wore a white button-up with a pink tie.

they, along with some of your family, all held up confetti poppers. at the count of three they blew them up, pink confetti flying everywhere.

as gojo and nobara high fived each other, cheering at how they were right, you and megumi hugged eachother.

you now were able to go crazy, making everything really cute and pink for your little daughter. bows and bunnies scattered her nursery, pink flowers painted all over the walls.

cute rugs and rocking chairs, even her crib got a princess canopy.

nobara had gotten you the cutest little dresses and shoes, in the tiny box nanami had gotten for your baby girl it was little earrings. pure gold with a gemstone of her assumed birthmonth.

the months passed by really quickly, megumi kept his missions to a minimum so he could stay clung to your side.

he was a saint like always, holding your bump up for you to give you a few moments of relief, massaging parts of your body, he'd always be there for you.

but your little girl was stubborn and refused to come out. when he thought you were sleeping he'd speak to her, ask her nicely to come out tomorrow, speak about how excited he was to see her.

after a couple nights of that and morning walks? your water broke. he grabbed the overnight bag and made it to the driveway, only to realize..

he forgot you. oops.

picking up an annoyed you, he made it to the car and drove as fast as he could safely.

you delivered your baby safely, megumi thinking his wrist was going to snap from how hard you had it in your grip. he rolled his eyes though, because you were right.

she did have his nose. and his hair color, and his eyes. but she had your skin color, your lips, your eyebrows.

she was adorable.

she slept the whole day, not waking up unless she was woke up by you or him. she was an angel. barely ever crying.

he was relieved to find that she had your demeanor, your expressiveness that was more than just a straight demeanor most of the time.

he was the happiest when he looked into her and saw you, features of you that worked so harmoniously with his.

she was perfect.

she definitely had a favorite. spoiler alert: it wasn't you.

she always giggled when megumi was around, her first word was papa, much to your dismay. she clung to him all day, he was a natural at everything after all.

whenever he'd go on missions she'd cry, him having to call you just so she could fall asleep.

when she became a toddler? she'd run to the door to greet him everytime he'd come back. staying up past her bedtime just to see him.

but always passing out in his arms, wanting to stay by his side as she slept.

he'd do her hair once it was long enough. she begged and begged for him to learn how to braid, and after much consultation he learned.

he was there with her when she got her ears pierced, holding her hand as the needle went through her ear. it didn't hurt, but the numbing sensation felt weird. she wore the golden earrings she was gifted 5 years ago with pride, almost convincing megumi to get his ears pierced too.

almost.

she had him wrapped around her finger, doing anything she wanted whenever. if she wanted a toy she had it the next day. she wanted to go somewhere? let's start planning a family trip.

he taught her how to read patiently, grabbing any number of baby books to help her piece together the words, clapping together when she read a page successfully.

they shared a sweet tooth, so most of time he'd 'sneak' her snacks. candy, lollipops, chocolate, cupcakes, they'd share them together and laugh because they thought you didn't notice.

they were like two peas in a pod, they acted exactly the same sometimes. shed repeat his sentences, the way he walked, and even his facial expressions.

she clung to you just as much though, don't get it confused. she loved your attention on her as much as he did, scrunching her face when you two kissed in front of her. her using her body to push you away and 'reprimand' megumi.

he loved his girls so much, he didn't think life could get any better than being sandwiched in between the two of you while you watched random movies in the living room.

but it magically did, when for his birthday he was gifted baby socks. "are you joking?" he said, hugging you both tightly.

"those are too small for him!"

"they aren't for him sweetheart."

with another baby girl on the way, and his two treasured ladies right beside him, he definitely thinks he was born for this.

to stand by all of your sides, forever.

[greenconverses]

As I've mentioned a few times times, one of the actual interesting things Riordan is doing in this new series is mentioning Percy's obvious rage issues and then not actually doing anything with it other than making Percy swallow the anger down so he stays Nice and Controlled at all times.

Which, if we were dealing with pre-Disney+ show deal RR, could be a great character arc over the course of the series where Percy learns to actually deal with his anger and trauma while he's actively being triggered by petty godly bullshit. But Wrath made it pretty clear he's okay with letting Percy eat shit emotionally as long as everyone is one big happy team in the end and we're Therapy Speaking ourselves into the sunset, so I don't think that's happening.

Wrath sets up a conflict between Grover and Percy that's pretty simple: Grover eats a magical thing he's specifically told not eat and causes chaos that puts Percy's quest at risk. Reminder, these stupid quests are so Percy can get into college and Grover knows this. Percy gets angry at Grover; so angry Annabeth can see it and shoos him out of the room so he doesn't explode. And then he just... tries to stop being angry, assumes Grover means well, and carries on pretending it's not Grover's fault while being resentful because it's totally Grover's fucking fault.

Eventually, we get a scene where Grover attempts to make things right by putting himself into danger and Percy freaks out because, duh, he doesn't want his friends to get hurt. Grover then attempts to apologize by admitting he maybe sorta kinda subconsciously wanted to sabotage things. And it's here where we run in to trouble.

Please notice that Percy immediately tries to reassure him that he's not responsible despite Grover acknowledging it. Then we get the good ol' Grover tears and looking like a poor bullied baby before he confesses to sabotaging his best friend's quest because he doesn't want to be left behind. And with that, all of Percy's anger is gone because how can you be mad at your friend for that?

Uh, pretty fucking easy, especially if my idiot satyr friend knows exactly what the consequences of failing the quest is (forget the college letters; Percy is under the assumption that Hecate will unmake him if he fucks up) AND said idiot frequently has gone MONTHS without seeing me because of his job and, in fact, several months from now will be halfway across the country anyway helping Apollo with some different quest bullshit!!!!

I digress.

Suddenly, Percy is the bad guy for being mad at Grover. And this continues with the next part of the conversation.

How hard it's been on him?????

Percy Jackson, you are constantly blowing literal gaskets because of the stress you are under, and you're worried about how hard college applications has been on GROVER???????

"I'm the one who should be apologizing. I should have been thinking about how you felt rather than stressing about getting into college."

"I'm the one who should be apologizing. I should have been thinking about how you felt rather than stressing about getting into college."

"I'm the one who should be apologizing. I should have been thinking about how you felt rather than stressing about getting into college."

like

are you kidding me here rick

are you FUCKING kidding me

PERCY needs to APOLOGIZE to GROVER for PRIORITIZING COLLEGE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

And then Grover makes a joke about Percy's shitty gpa because dunking on Percy in an emotional conversation is totally fine because his emotions don't actually matter to any of his friends. He'll get over it! He's Percy, duh. He's not a ticking time bomb of resentment full of grudges whatsoever.

I think we're supposed to see this as Percy maturing and being forgiving, but is he? He doesn't tell Grover he forgives him. Percy's the one apologizing in the end because he's been guilted into feeling bad that Grover is sad/upset and put himself in danger. The conflict doesn't actually get resolved because Percy brushes it aside; it doesn't matter any more because Grover is sad and must be reassured. No one's going to learn anything from this because there have been no consequences. Grover's gonna do some dumb shit again, Percy's gonna get mad at him, Grover will cry and make up a sad sack excuse, and Percy will stop being angry because Grover's his bestie and what else is he supposed to do?

(This could be a good character arc about how Percy's fatal flaw makes him have a really messed up view of friendships and the meaning of loyalty, but again, we will be denied.)

And for the record, just because your friends have compelling reasons for their shitty actions doesn't make them any less shitty. It doesn't mean they shouldn't apologize for their fuck ups or negate the hurt they caused you. Forgiveness needs to be earned, not manipulated out of you through tears and reckless actions.

Grover can get fucked. I hate this fucking character.

[sleepinthrumyalarms]

Victoria gives me absurd powerbottom vibes tbh… making you kneel before her and lick at her pretty cunt before she decides when she’s done 😁😁

abso-fuckin-lutely

it's her favourite, really. her favourite spare time activity, her stress reliever — and she's got a lot of that. who needs coffee when you're here to make sure she has the best morning possible? so eager, too.

she once made you eat her out during dinner, and the taste of sautéed eggplant on her tongue mixed with the feeling of yours between her legs was absolutely delectable (you made her spill her wine on the brand new white tablecloth and got dicked down for it right on the table, too).

so, safe to say she gets slightly greedy about it.

thing is, she doesn’t like it when your mouth and her pussy part. it’s a union that, in her eyes, should be unbreakable. so no sticking your tongue out to flick at her clit, no irregular flat licks you try to sneak a teasing word in between. none of that. she needs you to commit to it, to devour her.

she wants to feel all of it — lips, teeth, tongue, so you better work it till your jaw is so sore you can’t even thank her properly when her slick gushes down your chin.

“that’s it, sweet thing. just like that,” victoria murmurs as she watches you wrap your mouth around her cunt.

“s’pretty, vic,” you murmur, voice hoarse. “such a pretty pussy. you’re so—“

she doesn’t let you finish. a high-heeled foot pushes at the back of your head, guiding you right where she wants you.

"shh. less talking, more licking," comes the command she's so used to giving, her voice as sharp as the heel digging into your spine. "i didn't bring you here to blab. work it.”

you start slow, just as she likes it, your tongue tracing the length of her, from her entrance to her clit. you feel her shiver, her breath hitching slightly. encouraged, you continue, applying more pressure, more urgency.

"fuck," she breathes, her eyes fluttering closed as she lets out a soft moan. "pull away again and i'm tying you down and riding your face till you choke. don't fucking test me."

a very, very tempting punishment — but you don't exactly plan in disobeying.

you can't. not when she tastes so good, not when she feels so right.

working under her for the fbsa is a whole new experience — completely and utterly unproductive for instance.

it’s also the reason victoria opts for pencil skirts instead of her beloved pantsuits these days.

the only sounds interrupting the silence in her office are the gentle taps of her fingers against the screen and the wet softness of your plush mouth working for your ‘employee of the month’ title.

“hm,” victoria frowns at the numbers on her tablet, lifting it closer to her face. “now this can’t be right.”

she leans forward in her chair to get a better look, her free hand sliding under her desk, fingers wrapping in your hair to tug you off her – a string of saliva and juices connects your bottom lip to her leaking cunt. she doesn’t bother to admire the view — she has much more important matters to attend to.

you watch her brown eyes flicker through the report, a frown on her burgundy lips – something you'll have to work harder to get rid of. her hand still in your hair, manicured nails scratching at your scalp softly, victoria rechecks the numbers once more before scoffing.

“of course. i knew i couldn’t trust them with the percentage counting. honestly—“

her hand pushes at the back of your head firmly, and you hungrily slurp at the juices that have trickled between her puffy folds in the few moments you were separated from her warmth.

“—does anybody in this building know how to do their fucking job?”

you make a sound that sounds painfully reminiscent of a broken whimper, and victoria huffs out a laugh through her nostrils. brushes her hand up your scalp to move some stray strands from your face.

"no-no. it’s never you," she says, her voice a gentle purr as she strokes your hair. "you're doing just fine. it's everyone else who's the problem."

she leans back in her chair, her eyes never leaving the tablet as she continues to scroll through the numbers.

"i swear, if i have to redo the whole thing myself," she mutters, her voice laced with frustration. "it's like they're all just waiting for me to bail them out."

she looks down at you, smiling softly, "but you're not like that, are you?" she asks, her eyes sparkling with amusement. "you're my good girl. my little problem-solver."

you moan in response, the vibrations sending a shiver through her. she bites her lip, her grip on your hair tightening.

"gonna make my day so much better, aren't you?"

victoria is very much aware the degree of your obedience varies from day to day, so you bet your pretty ass she's investing in a collar. no pet play— vicky isn’t into that, so don’t expect her name and phone number engraved on it, but it is a rather fancy thing nonetheless. the dark leather feels genuine and it smells exactly the way the inside of her mercedes does.

the leash attached to the collar gives victoria all the reign she could possibly have. at this point she doesn’t even let you breathe. you pull away? bad idea. she tugs you right back in, the slobbering mess of your face on her perfect puffy cunt the only view she’ll be having.

she might even give an idle tug or two just to hear you groan into her wetness, tongue-tied deep inside of her, and the pleasure from the vibration has her head tilting back, her thick painted lips parting with a soft sigh.

and when she cums — you don’t even want to pull away at that point, so pussy drunk she has to forcefully tear you away, lips swollen and eyes glossed over.

[kikidoesfanfic]

Woof, I mean, hey

Written for the @strangerthingswritersguild demogorgon daily prompt 'puppy chow' (happy birthday @bobamews)

>On ao3<

"I'd keep an eye on that if I were you," Wayne says, gesturing at the bag of dog food Steve's carrying.

There's a stray that's taken up hiding under the Munson trailer, all round with a litter and such a sweetheart, Steve has been trying to befriend her enough to coax her inside for a bath for a few days now.

"Uncle Wayne, no!" Eddie whines, and now Steve's intrigued, Wayne's looking at Eddie with a positively shit eating grin, the two having a staredown neither seems willing to break.

"What am I keeping an eye out for exactly?" Steve asks.

"Well, back when Eddie first came to live with me,"

"Wayne please."

"There was this skittish little pup hangin' round the park, skinny as anythin' and nobody seemed to own it."

"I'll do the dishes for a month," Eddie says, and Wayne pauses, probably tempted because he hates doing the dishes, and with Steve cooking most nights both Munson men trade off on the chore. He must decide it's worth it though, because he continues.

"So, Eddie begged and begged, big sad cow eyes that I couldn't say no to." Wayne looks to Steve now, "of course I had to buy a little bag of the puppy chow, the kibble stuff."

Eddie, knowing Wayne is unmovable, dramatically flops face down onto the couch.

"But see, the scrawny thing wouldn't get close to eat the food when we were out there, even birds scared the little guy away. So Eddie-" Wayne says, starting to chuckle. "So Eddie thought-" he cuts himself off again with another laugh, Eddie groaning in protest, slightly muffled by the sofa cushion.

"Eddie thought if the pup saw him eatin' the food, he'd know it was safe, that he was safe."

"Aww Eddie, that's so cute!" Steve coos, dropping the bag beside the door to go over and kneel next to the couch.

"Yep, that's me, so cute." Eddie says quickly, head popping up to glare at his uncle. "And that's where the story ends, right Uncle Wayne."

"Sure," he acquiesces, and Eddie looks momentarily relieved until Wayne tacks on, "if you ignore the part where he decided they tasted pretty good as a snack and hid half the bag in his room for later."

"BETRAYAL," Eddie shouts, jumping up on the couch to point an accusatory finger at Wayne, "by my own flesh and blood!"

Steve, meanwhile, is laughing so hard he's bent double, he'd stood to make sure Eddie wouldn't fall off the couch when he yelled, but when Wayne's words processed... well.

"You kept eating it?" Steve wheezes, and Eddie turns to slap at his shoulder.

"No, go back, I'm cute remember! Wayne, look what you did!"

"I can get set some aside from the bag if you like, but I'm not kissing you if you have dog food breath." Wayne chuckles again.

"I changed my mind, pretty much immediately!"

"Yeah, but only 'cause-"

"NO. NOPE. TIME TO GO." Eddie yells, cutting Wayne off, jumping hastily from the couch and shoving at Steve to get him towards their room. "La la la la we can't hear you!"

"Only 'cause he felt guilty for stealing the dogs food" Wayne yells behind them, just as Eddie's about to slam the door.

"No," Eddie despairs, drawing out the word, thumping his head on the door frame a time or two before Steve can stop him. "You're the worst!" He turns and pouts, eyes big and imploring as he looks at Steve, "you can't tell anyone about this, the kids will never let me hear the end of it."

"Don't worry, your secret's safe with me Eds," he says with a fond smile. "Though, I don't think it's me you have to worry about, won't Wayne be home during Hellfire this week?" Eddie's face turns panicked, hurrying back down the hallway, leaving a giggling Steve behind.

"Hey Uncle Wayne, I ever tell you you're the best Uncle a guy could have?"

[sweetestcaptainhughes]

#32 with Jack after reading the previous one you wrote 🤭🤭

ooo of course I love to talk about DadJack! here. Honestly out of all of the Hughes brothers Jack seems the best with kids naturally and I can't even explain my logic.

Drabble Masterlist.

"Why did we have to have kids?"

It was a Saturday and Jack had a rare Saturday off in the middle of the season. A few years ago you both wouldn't of even left your beds. Now you both are waking up at 5 am to your babygirl waking you up wanting a bottle. Which then wakes your three year old son who decides he is now wide awake. It's like a butterfly affect because now your dog wants his breakfast and morning walk and the sun isn't even up yet.

Usually this was an everyday occurance and neither you or Jack ever once complained. But today, both of you just wanted to sleep in but your daughter has a strong set of lungs and woke you both up at 4:49 AM today, Jack's first Saturday off in months. Both of you moaned of exchuastion as you heard your daughter.

"ahh remind me why dud we have kids?" Jack mumbles rubbing his closed eyes as you sat up.

"honestly at moments like this I don't know." you mumbled a response as your dog started barking stratching at the door as your son walked into your room.

"mama I'm hungry." he spoke softly walking into the room with his baby blanket dragging on the floor.

"okay baby." you answer as you swing your legs over the side of your bed and get up. Before you could even ask Jack was already mumbling something about how he was going to the nursey to get your daughter.

"mama up." your son asked as he reached up to you.

"course" you mumble bending down and getting your son giving him a morning kiss as you carry him down the stairs.

As your making your son some chocolate chip pancakes his request. He wanted to help you so he's sitting in his PJ's still sitting on the counter. He helped you mix the batter and pour the chocolate chips in. Now he is still sitting on the counter watching you as you make the pancakes on the stovetop as Jack walks in carrying your babygirl.

Jack walks over to you and kisses you good morning still having your daughter on his hip as your son screeches "eww daddy."

"what? you don't like me giving morning kisses anymore?" Jack playfully asks your son as he puts your daughter in her highchair.

"no." he giggles as Jack playfully runs across the kitchen, grabbing your son and attacking him with kisses as he squels at Jack.

"daddy st- stop" he giggles as he attempts to push Jack's face away. Jack leaves one more gentle kiss on your son's cheek and then does pull away.

"morning lil' man." Jack greets his son. "whatcha making with mama?" he asks his son even though he can see it's pancakes.

"pancakes with chocolate chips." your son smiles at him.

"ooo. who did put the chocolate in?" Still holding your son on Jack's hip, looking at his son like he's holding on to top secret information. "did you?" Jack whispers.

Your son nods at Jack, and smiles wide as Jack looks suprised. All you could do watching this interaction as you finished cooking was smile, reminding yourself how much you loved watching Jack interact with both of your children.

After eating a very early breakfast a 5:15 in the morning all four of you climbed into your and Jack's bed turning on your son's current favorite Disney movie cars. By the time Lightening McQueen fell out of his trailer, your son and daughter were already back asleep. Neither you or Jack were really watching the movie instead both lost fixated watching your kids cuddled and asleep together.

"sometimes I can't believe we made them." Jack whispered throwing a protective arm around the kids.

"yeah I'm glad we had kids Jacky." you whisper suddenly feeling tired.

"me too baby." stretching his hand a little further squeezing your hip.

[baronessvonglitter]

Cherry, Cherry 🍒 Chapter 18 🍒 "I Wanted It To Be You"

Joel Miller x f!Reader

Word count: 7,467

Summary: Moving on from Joel, your life takes many unexpected courses: college, marriage.. yet you keep wondering What If..?

(Warnings contain spoilers, so please check beneath the cut if you're curious)

WARNINGS: 18+ Only! Mature and Explicit, age gap (the difference is 17 years, and there are a few time skips throughout this chapter), starts in late 2003 and ends in 2023, Angst Angst Angst, brief mention of jailtime, breakup, parental issues, heavy on the mom guilt, underage drinking, dry humping, anonymous drunk sex (never ever do this, folks), vomit, reader going through a slutty era after getting her heart broken (just like Joel in Chapter 14), allusions to smut, time skips (labeled), panic attack, mention of drugs and alcohol, rough sex, creampie, surprise pregnancy, infidelity, lil bit of a makeout sesh with Tommy, semi-public sex, pussy pronouns, light degradation, Ellie is Joel's daughter, mention of cyberstalking (not as serious as it sounds), mention of reader having a therapist, Joel and Tess are married. If I left anything out, please LMK!

Author's Note: this took forever to write because the more I edited the more I wanted to add. And I know this chapter has quite a few time skips, I just wanted to highlight the important parts as much as I could. ALSO: I apologize for the unrealistically speedy law process at the beginning. I have no idea how that situation would pan out, but it would almost definitely drag out for months if not years.

So much angst here, but now the reader is all grown up! I wanted to add the convo with Sarah but this chapter was already getting so long, and I think it'll fit better in the next installment anyway.

Series Masterlist

"I would've said yes."

You've lost count of how many voicemails you leave Joel, who's been ignoring your calls, but this is the only time you say it, that you admit your love could have gone a different way if you'd just gotten back to that hotel room together.

You replay that night over and over in your head, but with different endings. In a perfect world, your father would never have even been there in the first place. In a separate, less perfect world, you would not have called out to him, just ignored him the way he ignored you. Then you'd have some peace of mind, and you'd belong with the man you love.

Each time you call Joel, you expect to hear his gruff voice on the other end of the line. And soon enough the ringing stops and goes straight to voicemail, where you leave him the words of your bleeding, broken heart:

"I would've said yes."

You haven't taken the ring out of its box, worried you'll jinx whatever luck you have left. Joel is supposed to kneel, take your hand in his, and place the ring on your finger. You've never envisioned what getting engaged would look like, but it definitely bears some semblance to tradition.

When Chris refused to press charges, the law stepped in and did it for him. Thirty days in the Bexar County Jail is what they sentenced Joel. That was why you couldn't reach him, why you felt like you were hitting a brick wall. It's a relief when you're finally able to speak to him.

"I'm so sorry," you cry to him over the phone, his voice like a warm and soothing balm. You imagine yourself curling into his embrace, allowing his arms to enfold you, make you small and safe, hidden from the dangers and ugliness of the world.

"You ain't got nothin' to be sorry for," he grunts.

"I love you." You sound pitiful over the phone but you don't care. "Joel, let me come see you and we can work it out. Please."

He sighs. "I got somethin' I need to tell you. Might change your mind how ya feel about me."

"What?" you ask quickly, your young mind scrambling to imagine what he could say, as if to fortify your already shattered heart. Your stomach sinks, nausea threatening to make the bile rise in your throat. "Joel, what is it?"

He's quiet for awhile and when he speaks it's monotone. "I've been seein' someone else."

It sounds like he's speaking a foreign language. You shake your head, looking at your wall calendar. It's only December. You last saw him in late September. The biblical manger scene on the church calendar your mom put on the fridge is an evil harbinger of time now lost.

"Who?" you ask, dreading the answer.

"Doesn't matter," he says gruffly, sounding uncomfortable.

"Tell me who," you insist.

With a deep sigh he relents. "Hailey."

Again, it's like hearing a foreign language. "Hailey? The girl I worked with? The one who went to Sarah's party? That Hailey?"

"Yeah."

"How.. how did this happen?"

"Ran into her at a bar my first night out of jail. I was lonely and she was.. she was there for me."

"What do you mean? Did you-" you take a moment to breathe, try not to let your emotions take over.

"I slept with her. That's all it is between us, just fuckin'."

It's like a punch in the gut. No, worse. It's a blade plunging into your heart over and over.

In a blur of upset and disappointment, you utter the words of anyone who's ever had a broken heart: "How could you do this to me?"

There's no answer for it from his side. His refusal to go into detail feels like he's hiding his fling with Hailey on purpose, withholding part of his new life to you, but you never stop to think he might be saving you from the pain he knows is due.

You cry after hanging up on him. You cry more than you did when he left you in San Antonio. You cry until you can no longer see because your eyes are puffy, nearly tiny slits that still somehow shed tears when you think of Joel with your ex-friend.

Once the sadness has been cried out, there remains only rage, simmering and profound. With small, practiced movements, you take the engagement ring in its box and mail it to Joel's address. No note, and no explanation needed.

"You're not yourself," your mom mentions one night when you push your plate away, your dinner barely touched.

"Not hungry," you mumble.

She sighs in exasperation. "I don't know what to do with you. You won't talk to me." She pushes her own plate away and downs the rest of her cheap wine. "You come home from God-knows-where, with a damn bruise on your face."

You touch your cheek where your father had accidentally knocked you backwards, wishing it was the only physical pain you endured from that night.

"..you don't bother with the chores anymore, you lock yourself away in your room, probably not even studying. Do you even attend classes anymore? Do you even care about your future?" she continues.

"No," you say quite simply.

"No??"

You shake your head and shrug, as if answering something as easy as 'do you want to watch a movie later?'

"I don't. Give. A shit."

Anita scoffs, refilling her glass. "Great. That's just great. Maybe I'll drink this entire bottle and give myself alcohol poisoning. Then I wouldn't have to deal with your shitty attitude anymore."

The scrape of your chair as you push away from the table is as loud as nails on a chalkboard. "You want me to talk? I'll talk." You lean forward, relishing this moment where your mom looks scared as shit.

"I said I was in College Station, but I lied. I was fucking Joel every weekend I was away. We met up in hotel rooms and fucked each other's brains out. And the best part of it all was that he loved me," your voice breaks but you're wickedly delighted by the look of shock and disgust on your mother's face.

You're on a tirade now that can't be stopped. "Two months ago I found Dad in San Antonio. I did," you nod, a psychotic kind of laughter breaking from you when she gawks. "And do you know what? He's forgotten all about us. He has a new family, new kids, new young wife. And he doesn't give a shit about you or me. He never really has, has he?" You realize you're standing, towering over her as you spit out all the venom she's ever poured into you right back at her.

"Now.. how does it feel to have the truth shoved in your face? To be deprived of the fantasy world you wanted so badly to live in, cushioned by your idiotic pretenses? Because I'll bet you could've gone your whole life not knowing, staying innocent. Well, Mother Dearest, fuck you."

Without a word you pack your things, your body moving way ahead of your brain, stuffing every necessary item into a couple of bags before you leave her house, with the intention to never return again.

Summer 2004 Louisiana

Staying with friends in a shitty apartment, you finish the rest of the semester before transferring to another school. Three schools in one year probably isn't a very good look on your transcript, but it's the first choice you make that is truly your own. Working two jobs over the summer you finally have the money you need to survive as you begin a new chapter in Louisiana.

You do everything in your power to get over Joel. The first step was deleting his number from your phone, even though you've already memorized it by heart. To be safe, you also delete Tommy's number, and Sarah's. It feels final, and a small part of you wishes they could get a notification informing them you no longer consider them important enough to keep, even as data.

It still stings when you think of Joel with Hailey. She's older, more experienced, and can probably do whatever he wants without being asked. After you've deleted the Millers from your contact list, you hover over Hailey's name, pressing it and, in a moment of antagonism, send her a text. I thought you were my friend, Turns out you're just a fucking slut Then you delete and block her number.

Dating other guys doesn't come very easy. It's as if they can smell the heartbreak on you, sense your loneliness and unease, the untempered anger simmering below the surface of your smile. You're a walking red flag and you know it, but that doesn't stop you.

You grind on a guy at a club after he buys you a few appletinis. Never mind that he's twenty five and trying to get you drunk so you'll fuck him. With your twenty-dollar Charlotte Russe dress hiked up as you drag your sopping panties over his clothed hardness, he sucks the apple flavor off your tongue, one hand gripping your hips while the other slips inside your underwear to rub your clit and you come for the first time in months. So loud, in fact, that you're caught and promptly kicked out of the club. When your partner (you never remember his name) asks to continue at his place, you decline, already walking to the next bar.

Once the high wears off, you are consumed with guilt as you think of Joel. What would he say if he found out? Would he even care? Maybe he's fucking Hailey right now.

And it hits you that it's already been a year since you first slept with him.

You pause in the middle of the street, coming back to earth when a car honks at you, cursing at you to hurry up and fucking move dumb bitch!

Walking on, you can't get the memory of the feel of Joel out of your head: the way his tongue licked into your mouth, fingers traveling down to play between your folds, telling you he needed you nice and wet before he fucked you, those thick fingers slipping in and playing you like a well tuned instrument, his lips gliding over your throat, resting just above your pulse point, then finding their way down the slope of your breasts, taking each nipple between his lips, his beard rasping against your skin.

You try to force the thought away, but it returns manifold. His mouth, the stiffened warmth of his tongue lapping at your cunt, drinking up every fucking drop and telling you you taste so sweet. He doesn't stop until you come more than once, finally fitting himself inside you, teasing you with the first few inches. Sure you can handle the rest, babygirl? before sliding in in one smooth thrust, joining you body and soul, moving against you just how you need.

You cover your face with your hands and wander into an alley, overcome with despair at the loss of your love, the loss of what innocence you thought you had. Both of those things given to someone who only saw fit to fuck you as he wished and discard when he couldn't handle the reality of your personal life.

"Are you okay?" a voice asks, approaching softly from behind. You turn and see a man, another college student like yourself, dressed in jeans and a striped button down. His features blur together until all you hear is his soft Southern accent and all you smell is his Curve cologne. The next thing you know you're kissing him, begging him to touch you, fuck you, and then he's spinning you to face the wall, dress hiked up, panties pulled down. Your arms support you against the wall as he pushes into you from behind and all you think about is him fucking the pain away, pumping into you hard and fast. He's nowhere near as big as Joel, but you've been so touch starved that the sounds coming out of your mouth are shameless.

Without warning you vomit, splashing your shoes and the wall in front of you with appletini puke, and the guy pulls out immediately, getting away from you as fast as he can, tucking himself back into his jeans.

You rest your forehead against the cool brick wall, spitting out the sour taste in your mouth as tears weep freely from your eyes.

September 2004

At the start of sophomore year you're the only one who doesn't have family come down to help move in, to visit with and take silly, memorable photos with. Nobody comes to your dorm and helps you decorate and put your belongings away. By the time your assigned roommate comes with her parents and little brother you're already set up, fresh sheets on your twin bed, your side already claimed.

You're reading when she comes in, a young girl, freshman, with hope in her eyes, excited to meet you, looking forward to her new life away from Montana or Missouri or wherever she says she's from. You're barely listening.

Who you do notice is her dad: mid-forties, slight beer belly, wearing a polo shirt and cargo pants with brand new New Balance shoes. You make eye contact immediately before he shifts his gaze away. His daughter, your new roommate Jessica, starts to unpack, asking you questions about the classes, what student groups to join. You offer what advice you can, stretching out on your bed in your tank top and running shorts. Her dad's eyes roam over your curves when his wife and kids aren't looking, and you unabashedly flirt back, making sure your shorts ride up, pulling down your tank just a little to expose more cleavage.

Once they leave for a quick tour around the campus you're back to your reading.

Jessica's dad comes back. Alone.

"I think I forgot my wallet in here," he says, giving a forced look of timidity as he checks his pockets.

"You didn't," you smirk, putting your book down and sitting up. "But you can stay if you want.."

He doesn't make an excuse about his family and you wouldn't care if they walked in anyway. Once the door is locked his hands are on your body, grabbing your ass while your hand goes down his pants. You tell him exactly what will make you come, and he does it so willingly it almost touches your heart.

Later as he's leaving and you're trying to get his cum off your bedsheets, he's asking you not to say anything to his daughter, as if you'd proudly exclaim that you fucked him, having barely remembered his name.

You're learning that a lot of men are the same at their very core.

You're a fantasy for the older ones, a college coed with daddy issues and an IUD. Having already been with an older man, you know just what they like, and when you give it you live for the way their eyes light up, and a little of their youth comes back to them for a moment.

It's almost pitiful how easy you figure out the opposite sex. Once you know what they want it's easy to become that, to dress how they want, to feign interest in the things they like, even to keep your thoughts to yourself. You learn to live inside your head, which until now has been the hardest thing to do.

But it's necessary when you're holding onto the headboard of some frat guy's bed while fake moaning as he's holding your hips, going as fast as he can because that's what they do in porn. Each and every guy has a Scarface poster above the bed, or Playboy centerfolds taped to the walls, neon lava lamps on the nightstand along with CDs by Kanye West, Franz Ferdinand, or Velvet Revolver. Your thoughts are elsewhere as you give halfhearted head.

You learn to feel nothing, not even pleasure, because they certainly can't tell that you fake every sigh and gasp.

But the older men, the professors, TA's, even men you meet off campus at the bars in town.. they are what interest you. It's not common for you to find yourself bent over a desk during your professor's office hours, or with your panties around your ankles when a one-on-one study session turns to something else.

You fuck men who remind you of Joel because you can't fuck Joel. It's his hands on you instead of theirs, his breath hot on your ear.. but no one else can fill the part of you that Joel hollowed out for himself when he made you his on a hot Texas summer night.

Though you think about him every day, soon enough, you start to wonder whether he was ever even real, or just someone you made up.

March 2006

Spring Break finds you at a beach house on the coast. The friends you came with are nowhere to be found, and you're pretty sure your drink is laced with something. The music is so loud that you hurry out into the night, seeking solace before the roaring waters of the gulf, black water topped with silver waves. Their rushing sound is soothing, yet you sink to your knees because your world is too heavy.

"I'm dying," you whisper to yourself, crying. Your chest feels tight. It's so hard to breathe, and it feels like your heart will explode.

Only one person on the entire planet comes to mind, and after all this time you still remember his number. You dial it, fingers savoring the press of each button on your phone. How many times have you called Joel and hung up before he could answer? There have been a couple of times when you dialed him while having sex, not sure if he ever picked up, hoping that he heard you moving on and moving away from him. That'll show him.

But you can't even breathe to talk to him. And what if he doesn't answer? What if he's changed his number?

You leave all his numbers entered on the screen but you don't hit the call button. Not yet. You have to think of something to say. Tell him you love him before your body rejects the air it's trying so desperately to claim into your lungs.

"Hey, are you all right?" a gentle voice asks behind you, and a hand is on your shoulder.

You flashback to that night in the alley, the guy who took advantage of you, but this time it doesn't go that way.

A man with soulful eyes and a kind smile kneels next to you, his hand remaining on your shoulder. "I think you're having a panic attack. Can I help you with that?" His voice is as kind and gentle as he looks, and you nod.

"Can you breathe for me? Like this." He inhales deeply and slowly, and when you try it it feels so foreign but you manage it.

"There you go," he says quietly. "Now breathe out.."

Soon he has your breathing back to normal, and you don't have to force your body to do what it naturally does.

"Tell me five things you can see," he continues.

A shaky breath in. Hey, at least it's a breath. "Um.. the water.. the sand.. the moon.. you.."

That's when you get your first good look at him, beyond the smile that works its warmth into your heart, and the eyes that search yours, exuding humanity that you haven't experienced in a long time. He's really cute. You can't deny that your heart skips a couple of beats.

"One more thing?" he says, his voice soft.

You snap back to reality. "Uh.. a ship.. out there in the distance?"

He glances behind him at the water, seeing the great big liner, possibly a cruise ship, on the inky horizon, and takes a seat next to you. "How are you feeling now?" he asks.

"Good.. I think. Better." You nod. "Thank you."

"May I?" he lifts your hand from your lap and turns the palm up, his fingers poised above your pulse point. You nod again.

He presses his touch to your wrist, and you watch his eyes calculating, his lips silently moving while counting. Despite everything you've been through the past two years, this is the most intimate thing you've felt.

"Your pulse is normal." He gently places your hand back on your lap. "Do you want to go back to the party or do you want to stay out here a little longer? If you want to go back," he adds, "I'll be with you, make sure you're okay."

You opt to stay on the beach, embracing the quiet for a little longer. This is the first time a man has had you alone and hasn't tried to fuck you. It's nice, for once.

Towards the end of the night he leads you back to the party house, guiding you through the throng of people there, the air rife with alcohol and the pungent aroma of weed. You're holding his hand, you realize as you walk together. He's your lifeline in this very moment. You grab your jacket and purse from one of the bedrooms, passing by couples making out, some slipping into rooms to do much more than kissing. To think you could have easily ended up there with a random guy makes your skin crawl.

"What was your name again?" you shout to him over the music.

"Justin!"

"Dustin?"

"Justin!"

You both laugh. You tell him your name and of course he mishears you.

He drives you to the small motel room you're sharing with your friends who are inevitably crashing at the beach house, too drugged or drunk or fucked to return for the night.

Justin smiles at you as the engine idles. "Is it okay if I ask you out?"

You exchange numbers, your heart thrumming with a pleasant nervousness. You haven't had a boyfriend since..

..not since Joel.

Don't think about him.

"You can reach out to me if you ever just feel like talking," he says. "I'm here."

So you do, and after a week of texting and a couple of late night calls and getting to know each other, you go for a date for the first time in three years.

Justin picks you up in a Honda Civic, and as you get comfy in the passenger seat you breathe in the scent of the black ice air freshener and his spearmint gum. The radio blasts Smashing Pumpkins at a level you know is too much but it only adds to the excitement of the evening.

He's a year older than you, native to Louisiana, and on leave from the Army.

Living just a half hour from your campus, you start to spend much of your time together. Movie dates, dinner dates, and dates where you just drive around, talking about nothing and everything.

You only sleep with him three months into your relationship, desiring to take things slow for once, to know him better than you have ever known anyone.

It's nice. It's like what you see in the movies, two people wrapped up in each other, soft, no words needed. For once your head isn't forced down into the pillow, or your pussy spit on. For once it's just normal, and normal feels so good.

June 2008 New Orleans, LA

Bourbon Street is alive, electric, no matter that it's a Sunday night. People will drift into work tomorrow still drunk on Zombies and Hurricanes. The entire street reeks of piss, but people either don't care or have been here long enough that it no longer harasses their senses. But more often than not, people are having too much of a good time to care.

You're behind the bar at little hole-in-the-wall place, slinging daiquiris and kamikaze shots when you hear a familiar voice and a tap on your shoulder. "Hey there, Cherry."

You turn and your eyes go wide. "Tommy!" You reach over the bar to hug him, nearly spilling a beer on him in the process. "It's been ages! How are you?

He looks older, more mature, even though it's only been five years since you last saw him: he's letting his facial hair grow, but his eyes still sparkle with mirth and kindness. "It's good to see you, girl." He's no longer with Sofia, their romance having ended a few years before, on friendly terms or so your cousin claimed. You always blamed yourself for the demise of their relationship, believing that your breakup with Joel cast a shadow over her own connection with Tommy.

"What are you doing here?" you ask.

"We're good, just here in town, expanding the business."

"We?" Your hands start to shake, and you put away the bottle of gin you have your grasp on. Your heart starts to pound before the next words even leave his mouth.

"Yeah, me and Joel are lettin' off a little steam, wanted to toss back a few before we go back to the hotel."

You feel his eyes on you before you're even aware that he's here. Looking up, at a small table near the entrance, is Joel Miller. Your heart stops, and you don't know how it is you're still alive. He looks you up and down, appraising every feature and detail about you, and you wonder if you've changed in five years or not. You wonder if he still loves or hates you.

"...and we thought this was that bar where girls dance and pour tequila down guys' throats, but this is just as good 'cause you're here."

Tommy manages to snap you out of your trance. "Oh.. you mean Coyote Ugly.."

"Yeah, they opened one in Austin a couple years back but this one ain't never wanna go nowhere," he motions back with his head to Joel.

You return your gaze to the older brother but he's no longer looking at you, his glance dotting along the crowd, following a younger woman as she saunters up to him, smiling, flirting. Your stomach turns and you force a smile at Tommy.

"Whatever you want is on me."

Tommy's smile and laughter is infectious. "You sure about that, Cherry?"

"I'm sure," you say, pouring out a shot for yourself. "You know, nobody's called me that in a long time."

"What's that?" he catches a bright sparkle on your left hand, and quickly takes it within his own. "Cherry, you didn't tell me you were engaged!"

Joel must have one ear straining to listen because Tommy's outburst got his attention right away and he swivels his head to look at you.

"Yeah.. he's a nice guy." That's how you describe Justin to everyone: he's a nice guy. He'd proposed last year after your one year dating anniversary. "He's in the Army, they're shipping him out a week after our wedding. And I'm going with him."

"He's a good guy if he's an Army man," Tommy approves, just as Joel approaches, the woman he was talking to now gone. "So? Are we invited to the weddin'?"

You can't tell if he's teasing or not, and Joel's poker face gives zero indication as well. "I already sent out save-the-dates, but if you'd like to come I won't object. The more the merrier." For the first time you see Joel up close and your heart stutters, an irregular beat that you'd gotten used to in the aftermath of your disastrous breakup.

He's still so fucking handsome: the dark brown of his hair fading to what you can already see as gray, with gray patches in his beard. There are more lines around his eyes. There's still that jolt of electricity when your gazes meet.

"You happy?" he asks, his countenance giving nothing away of his true feelings, so it's difficult to gage whether he's legitimately asking, or simply being nice.

"I'm happy." But it sounds forced, like taking the pliers to your own mouth to fix your own abscess.

Joel only nods as you pour a couple whiskeys for them. "To Cherry getting married!" Tommy beams his salute and the three of you down the shots quickly.

It's sometime after your shift, and you're in the parking lot with Tommy, his arms around you as he presses you to the side of his truck. Or maybe it's Joel's truck. You don't know and you don't care, all you want is to feel something again. The nearness of Joel all night has rewired your brain, and as Tommy deepens the kiss, you're disappointed that it's not Joel's taste, not Joel's scent that surrounds you. Luckily he's not a bad kisser, and his hands roam everywhere you want them to be.

Better the wrong Miller than no Miller at all, your whiskey-soaked brain tells you.

"Always thought you were pretty," he whispers, hands palming your breasts over your shirt. "But you were Joel's from the moment he set eyes on ya, told me so himself. Leave that one alone, she ain't for you.'"

"He didn't want me enough.." your voice cracks as tears spill effortlessly down your cheeks.

"Don't cry," he says gently. "I don't got any tissues with me." He uses his thumb to wipe away your tears. "Still want me to give you a ride home?"

You nod, telling him you need to make a quick trip to the ladies' room to fix your makeup, and in the narrow hallway where the restrooms are hidden from the rest of the bar, you run into Joel.

"Sorry," you mumble, trying to get around him, but he puts his large hand on your shoulder to stop you.

"You gonna take my brother home and fuck him? Then marry some Army jackass?" he says as in disbelief.

You put your guard up, tougher now than you were five years ago. "What I do is my business. By the way, how's Hailey?"

"Who?"

"Don't play dumb." You push past him and start for the women's room to fix your makeup when Joel stops you again.

"You ain't gonna fuck my brother tonight, or any other night, babygirl," he utters.

There's a fire lit under you now. "Oh? What are you, the Morality Police? Fuck off."

"Fuck me," he says. "You know you want to. You're probably wet from Tommy, and I appreciate his gettin' ya ready for me, but I notice the subtler signs: your eyes are glistenin', you've been lickin' your lips every time you look at me, and you probably haven't noticed, but your nipples are pokin' right through your shirt. I bet they're just beggin' for attention, huh?"

He says all this while just standing in front of you, not crowding you like any other guy would. And you realize he's not even trying to rile you up. He's giving you a choice.

"What makes you think I want you? I have a good man who loves me. He's all I need."

"Needs and wants are different, babygirl. Once you're married you're stuck with him til' death. Hope you realize that."

"I'm aware." But it's already hit you: you'll be with Nice Justin for the rest of your life. You'll be a Nice Wife and maintain a Nice Home for the inevitable Nice Kids you'll have. You hate Joel for putting this thought in your head.

"He fuck you like I did?" he asks in an intimate tone.

You shake your head, already pulling him into the restroom with you. "Joel, no one's ever fucked me like you did."

Your body delights in the quick, sweet reunion with him. It's as if time has never separated you, as if both your hearts are whole again. His mouth greedily devours your kisses. He tastes like whiskey and cigarettes, the latter a bad habit. You're shoved into one of the stalls, fumbling with the lock while Joel's hands find their way across your body, one under your shirt, palming your breast, the other going into your jeans, expertly finding your soaked panties, crooking his fingers into your cunt.

Your back is pressed against his broad chest, his cock already hard inside his jeans, rubbing furiously against your lower back until he bends you forward to press against your ass, finally pulling your jeans and panties down in one go.

Too much time has passed for you to be gentle or even careful. He presses you to the stall door, nothing but heat and raw need between you. Words not needed, your only communication grunts and whispered curses that echo against the tiles of the cramped space.

"You ain't takin' no slow and gentle with me, sugar. i ain't got the patience for that right now." He nudges against you and it's a wonder you don't burn up with all the fire that inflames you. After so long it's a labor of love to fit him again, but as his fingers add pressure to your clit you get wetter, opening for him as easily as you did years ago.

"There she is," he says. "Been waitin' for me, been needin' a real man to fill ya up, ain't ya, babygirl?" he huffs in your ear, breath warm against your skin. "Answer me, baby."

"Yes.." your voice comes out in a hiss, your brain only thinking about his cock, the way it stuffs you, the only thing that completes you.

"That's what I thought. These lil' college boys don't know what to do with such a tight, pretty pussy. And neither does your fiance." He hikes one of your legs up, tucking your knee under his arm, keeping you nice and open, watching himself slide in and out of your weeping slit, slamming himself against you as he sinks his thumb into your puckered asshole, eliciting an all-but muffled gasp from you. "I know you called me just so I could listen to them fuckin' ya.. I know you never came with them, not once. This pussy is mine, has been from the very start."

You're no longer a virginal high school grad, and he takes what he wants from you, giving you what he knows you need.

The door opens but he doesn't stop, just quiets his own noises and clamps his hand over your mouth to squelch your sounds. The stall door jiggles and you put your hand over it until the person grumbles and walks away, muttering about having to piss. When they're gone Joel pumps into you relentlessly, chasing his pleasure and yours. He knows by now what will make you come, which combination of touches and kisses make your knees weak and your clit stand at attention.

"Fucking come for me, you little slut," he whispers, his tone almost loving if you didn't know better, and when you let go the pleasure is almost painful. Years of need and pent-up longing are released as your cunt squeezes around his rigid cock, milking him, smiling when you feel the warm spurt of his come as he presses deep at your cervix.

"That's my girl," he says proudly, your come spilling out already, lining his dick with a mix of both of you. "She's wrecked, split wide open like she's meant to be.. gonna send you back to your man drippin' with my come, used up like a good lil' whore."

His words add a sweet sting to the pleasure that has yet to ebb, resounding through your veins like thunder that takes its time in rolling away from the storm. Whore.. well, he's not wrong.

When your heavy breathing has subsided, you feel him start to slip out of you and you put your hand back on his thigh, a silent gesture to hold off.

"Missed you.. needed you," you mutter, tears of joy and relief and heartache brim in your eyes, until you allow the pleasure of the moment to take over without thought or feeling.

"I know.." he says softly, slipping out of you, careful as you're still sensitive.

That could have been the end. You could have gone your separate ways, but you're drawn to each other, and that doesn't go away easily. When you emerge from the rear entrance of the bar, Tommy looks up, and you can tell he expected that you'd end up with Joel instead. He simply nods as you pass him, walking with Joel to the tiny apartment you share with Justin, who's out of town visiting family. And as you and Joel spend the rest of the night locked in each other's embrace, you realize you don't care if he walks in on you, kicks you out, breaks off the engagement. You're with Joel and nothing else matters.

By dawn you wake up to find that he's gone, leaving only the scent of him on the pillow next to you. No note, no explanation, no goodbye. And once again you're sure you only dreamed up Joel Miller, used him as a mental escape for the life you were tying yourself down to.

It's very atypical for you to forgo a period, even at your most stressed, you can count on seeing that bright red stain on the toilet paper around the middle of every month. And when, by mid-July, you haven't even spotted, the first thing you do is take a pregnancy test.

All the men before have been careful, or you've been fortunate enough not to have a scare. But when you finally force yourself to look at the the little blue plus sign developing on the test strip, you realize this is no scare.

You're pregnant with Joel's baby.

The wedding takes place as expected, and your heart sinks when you walk down the aisle, seeing the joy on Justin's face. You've told him the baby is his, and he doesn't doubt it for a moment, that's how much he loves you. But for a fleeting moment you want so bad for it to be Joel at the altar instead.

The ceremony goes by in a blur, as everyone warned you it would. Group pictures are taken, the videographer is capturing the moments that photos alone can't encapsulate.

"Over here, honey!" photographer gets your attention. You barely hear him as you watch a figure walking out, one of the last guests to leave the church. From behind he looks like Joel, but you can't quite tell, and when your eyes fully focus, he's gone, and your own vision can't be trusted.

Tommy gave his regrets that he couldn't attend, and Joel simply never RSVP'd. But in your heart you know it was him, you know he had to come and see for himself that you're moving on, growing up and growing away from him. The only tether you have to him is the baby growing in your belly.

"Front and center, Mrs. Williams," Justin smirks, giving your cheek a soft kiss. "One more picture then we're onto the reception."

March 2009

Your daughter is born in the springtime, a loud and howling child from the moment she leaves you. The only time she's quiet is when she's in your arms.

"We need to decide on a name," Justin says, a little miffed that his daughter cries when he holds her despite his best efforts to soothe her.

"I told you, I like Ophelia," you say, gathering her into your arms to feed her.

"It's such a prissy name. And I can already tell she's not gonna be prissy."

"Then what do you suggest?" you ask tiredly. He doesn't seem to understand you've gone through labor for twenty four hours, only thinking of himself.

"Eleanor, after my mother."

You groan. "I always hated that name."

"Please, babe. It'll make her so happy to have her granddaughter as her namesake."

"Fine. Fine. But her middle name is Ophelia."

"Deal." Justin smiles as he fills out the paperwork.

"Eleanor.." you tell your baby. "But I'm going to call you Ellie."

Your mother once told you that when you become a parent, your life is not your own anymore. She said it as a kind of warning, a prophecy yet to be fulfilled when you were just a pre-teen, rolling your eyes at her warning you away from all kinds of danger.

You never expected she'd be right. Every waking moment holds more weight than ever before. Ellie is completely dependent on you, even as she grows and becomes more independent. It's you she looks to for validation when she does something right, and you she looks to when she knows she's in trouble.

She's smart as a whip, quick with a comeback and well versed in anything she can get her hands on. She excels in sports too-- individually, at first. As she gets older you notice a little bit of a mean streak in her. While she craves friends and wants to be part of a team, she has trouble making connections sometimes.

You have to wonder if part of that comes from Joel, his stubbornness and his lone wolf tendencies. Has he unknowingly passed down the most insecure parts of himself to his daughter? Sorry, his secondborn daughter?

Now there's literal proof of Joel Miller as a person, in human form, and she's trudging upstairs with her field hockey equipment and slamming her bedroom door.

Between the years of 2004 and 2008 you could almost convince yourself that he didn't exist, that he was a figment of your runaway imagination, born of a father complex and attachment issues. You work on yourself in therapy, feeling small as you divulge the innermost secrets of your heart and the intrusive thoughts, even going so far as to reveal that you've looked for Joel on social media, now that everyone has a profile.

Born of an intrusive thought, you type his name into the search bar on Facebook. Getting quite a few findings of those with the same name, you narrow the search. Joel Miller, Austin Texas His company logo comes up as its own page, and you notice it's changed, probably Tommy's idea as Joel never liked change.

Searching further you find his picture. There it is: Joel Miller, Boston Massachusetts

Huh?

You click on his profile while your heart thumps strongly within your ribcage. You wish you could let it out, set it free.

There he is, looking older than the last time you saw him, the grey more prominent in his hair, looking serious in his selfie. Even though it's just a selfie, a random moment in time, you can't help blushing, as if he's looking at you through the screen, appraising your own measure of aging. You wonder what you were doing that exact moment he took the picture.

But your hunger for knowledge needs to be fed, and scrolling down you swear you misread it at first.

Relationship status: Married

There's a roaring in your ears as your mouse hovers over the name next to those words: Tess Servopoulos

From there you check out her profile, see that she's from Detroit, five years younger than Joel. While his profile pic is only of himself, hers shows them together, on a hiking trail somewhere, Joel's arms around her from behind.

You slam the laptop shut, your blood buzzing in your veins. You feel distractingly alive, the heartache spreading through every muscle and nerve ending. Your past is brought to full fucking focus.

Against your better judgment you open the screen again and search through Tess's photos, specifically the ones of Joel. Most of the comments are from a couple of guys named Bill and Frank, who after some digging you come to find are married, and friends with Joel and Tess. You hit the jackpot when you find a video she uploaded, a fifteen-second clip of Joel holding a baby. Your heart stops when you realize the baby isn't his but Sarah's, and he's now a grandfather.

It feels like you're spying on them. You know so much about them by now, and the one glaring omission is children. They don't seem to have any.

Going back to Joel's profile, you hover the mouse dangerously over the Add Friend button. When you click it, it's the strongest rush you've felt in ages.

Weeks later, he hasn't accepted it. The sparkle of your anticipation is dulled, and with a heavy heart you click to cancel the request.

A couple years down the road you get a notification from Facebook Messenger while you're watching Narcos.

Message Request. Sarah Miller Hey! It's been forever! How are you?

dividers by @saradika-graphics 👑

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[kurokawaia]

❛ NEEDY WOMAN ❜

Hatake Kakashi X Fem!Reader

WC; 3.3k+ | !MDNI! | TW/CW :: x fem!reader, husband!kakashi, wife!reader, pregnant!reader, reader is 3 months pregnant, pregnancy, shy!reader (you get flustered easy, and timid) smut, nsfw, piv, oral -> female receiving, missionary, praise, handjob, slight? begging, pet names 'baby' 'dear' 'love' , fluffy at the end+ more

⋆·˚ ༘ * 𝑅𝐸𝒬𝒰𝐸𝒮𝒯 :: (filled request) Please write more about kakashi😭 I love him so much I need him inside me😭 will you write for him pretty please? maybe something like, hes back from mission and his pregnant wife (third month of pregnancy maybe!) is so needy for him, but shes shy, all red and blushing mess around him - ANON

m.list | naruto m.list

Kakashi was back from a mission, and if his students were anything, they were definitely tiring. Sasuke and Naruto's banters were not for the weak. He hoped that he was blessed with a kind kid, preferably one that was a perfect mix of himself and you. 

He had been gone for a week or so, off in a faraway village. So tired from the fight with Zabuza and Haku. The only thing he was looking forward to was sleep and his pretty, pregnant wife. 

As he entered the house, it was unexpectedly quiet. He was expecting your humming voice or your excited squeal as you ran over to him. But, he was met with nothing. Although, it was quite late, just past nine o'clock, he knew that being pregnant had taken a toll on you, being away for a week without him probably didn't make it any better.

Kakashi slid open the door to their bedroom, the sight before him immediately softening his heart and a soft smile rising beneath his mask. You were curled up on the bed, propped against pillows with a book in hand, though your eyes kept drifting shut every few moments. 

Beneath the blanket, he could he the soft curve of your stomach, the baby bump getting near the fourth month, getting bigger, slowly. His smile was so gentle as he gazed at you, ever since you got pregnant, he has just been falling more and more in love with you. 

Your head jerked up as you noticed him, startled but quickly breaking into a wide smile. "Kakashi!" you breathed, setting the book aside.

"Hey, love," he greeted in a low tone, the one that always made your heart skip a beat. He walked over, sitting on the edge of the bed, placing his hand on your small bump. "Miss me?" he asked you while rubbing his hand over the bump.

You felt your cheeks burn, already flustered just from his presence. Being pregnant had made your emotions run wild, but more than that, you found yourself craving Kakashi's touch more than ever. The way his hand rested gently on your belly made something flutter inside you, and it wasn't just the baby.

"I—of course I did," you replied, a bit breathless, your voice smaller than usual.

Kakashi tilted his head slightly, eyes scanning your flushed face. "You sure? You look a little... warm."

Your blush deepened. "I'm just... glad you're back," you mumbled, avoiding his gaze. 

The truth was, you'd been waiting for him anxiously, needing his presence, his touch. But you were too shy to outright say how much you wanted him.

Kakashi's thumb rubbed slow circles over your belly, his dark eyes softening as he took you in. "I missed you, too," he murmured, leaning closer until you could feel his breath on your cheek. "And...?"

You squirmed slightly, biting your lower lip. His proximity was driving you crazy. You'd always been a bit shy around Kakashi, even after being married for a while, but now, with the pregnancy and your hormones out of control, it was even worse.

He moved closer still, one hand slipping behind your back, pulling you toward him as his lips ghosted over your ear. "Tell me what you need, love," he whispered, voice low, he knew just how to tease you. 

You practically melted, hiding your face against his chest. "I... I just missed you. So much," you admitted, your voice smal, voice muffled against his chest.

Kakashi chuckled softly, stroking your back. "Is that all?"

You whimpered softly, shaking your head. "No... I—I just... I need you," you finally whispered, your voice barely audible as you clutched his black shirt tightly, embarrassed by how needy you sounded.

Kakashi's Adams apple bobbed. Fuck. He just got back. You make him crazy, that's for sure. 

He'd sensed your shyness, your hesitancy (It was obvious though), but now that you'd said it, he couldn't hold back. He pulled back slightly to look at you, lifting your chin with a gentle finger so your eyes met his. The way your face was flushed and your eyes were hazy with desire... he wants to take you there and now.

"You're so cute when you're shy," he murmured, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear before pressing his lips softly against yours. The kiss was tender at first, but as you sighed into him, it grew deeper, more intense.

You whimpered into the kiss, hands gripping his shoulders tightly, needing more, needing him. Kakashi's hands trailed down your back, hands gripping at your hips and the nape of your neck, angling your head, while his lips moved against yours, slowly, letting you set the pace.

When he finally pulled away, he rested his forehead against yours, his breath slightly ragged. "I'm here now," he said softly, his thumb tracing the curve of your cheek. "Whatever you need, I'm not going anywhere."

You buried your face in his chest again, feeling the warmth of his body against yours, and whispered, "I love you."

"I love you, too," he murmured, holding you close, letting you take all the time you needed. "Though, love, I need to take a shower first, wouldn't wanna cause any problems."

You pull your head from his chest, lips par5ted, a devastated expression plastered on your face.  "What?" you say, a pout forming on your lips. "I have to wait."

Kakashi places kisses all over your face before speaking up, "I'm sorry, dear. I won't be long." 

His head moved down, breath tickling the skin below your ear, then the skin between, your neck and collar bone, trailing kisses down, slowly, as heavy breaths fell past your lips. 

"Don't do that," you breathe, your sentence interrupted by the stutters in your breath.

"Do what, dear?" 

"Tease me," you whimpered quietly. "Then go have a shower and leave me here waiting for you, that's torture, baby."

God, Kakashi can't get enough of you.

"I'll be back," Kakashi abruptly said, and you saw the smirk on his lips as he quickly up and left for the bathroom. 

"He's so mean to me sometimes," you huff, knowing that you're going to have to wait.

And so you waited, a long and agonizing five minutes, and you did nothing to quench the heat growing between your thighs. You knew that if you would try to sort out the throbbing, you wouldn't be able to finish. Your fingers have been rendered useless ever since Kakashi and you first had sex, and it pissed you off. 

The door slid open and you eagerly sat up and were met with the most heavenly sight you've seen after being deprived for a week. Kakashi is in a towel with beads of water over the top of his chest, his defined abs, and his white happy trail. You came to a singular conclusion, which was that you needed him so badly, you need him. 

Your cheeks burned red when Kakashi swiftly approached you, cupping your face immediately and kissing your lips. His hands move to cup the nape of your neck, the other slipping on your waist. You whimper into his mouth as his tongue pries your lips open, your hands trembling as they grab onto his shoulders.

Kakashi was unbelievably hard, the bulge was so prominent under the towel, and the friction wasn't doing him any better as he moaned into your mouth. He missed you so much, the way you tase, how you feel, how you depended on him so much for such trivial things. He wants to make you feel so good. 

"You needed me so bad, didn't you, love?" he moans agasint your lips and all you can do is moan, whimper in reply as you nod your head. "I'm here now, baby."

The towel slipped off Kakashi's waist, hitting the wood floors. He slowly moved to lean over you, the two of you now laying on the bed, Kakashi being on top of you, pinning your hands by the sides of your head, fingers intertwined while you arched your back slightly. 

Tingles were getting sent all throughout your body from the kiss, he was being so gentle yet deep. The breath was stolen from your lungs every time he moaned into your moan, and you had the same effect on him, he was restraining himself from pouncing on to you.

The heartbeat in your pussy was so heavy, so prominent as Kakashi deepens the kiss per second, you were afraid that if his t high were to take place against your cunt, he would feel how needy you are, how much you need him to pleasure you. 

And he did exactly what you were hoping for him to not do, and that was to shift his legs, which now, one of them was placed in between your own, pressed against your throbbing heat. A hopeless moan falls past your lips and Kakashi smirks into the kiss. 

"I can feel you, baby," he groans agasint your mouth.

In response, you drag one of your hands down his chest, slowly, feeling every ridge of his chest and abs, of course, Kakashi moans heavily into your mouth. He loved how you touched his body despite the scars that were littered over his pale skin. 

"N-Need you so bad, love," you stutter, your hand dragging across his happy trail, and you could feel his abs flexing agasint your arm before you teased the tip of his erect cock, a moan emitting loudly from him. 

"I know, I know, baby," he replies, pulling his lips from yours before diving into your neck, kissing and sucking your flesh while you slowly pumped his cock, smearing the precum around his tip before moving your hand down his length once more. 

His kisses moved lower, and lower until he was no longer in reach of your hand to his dick and you huffed in disappointment. However, your disappointment vanished when your eyes widened in pleasure when he pried your thighs open wider and gave sucks to your inner thighs before kissing closer to your cunt. 

A kiss to your clit was all that was needed for your hands to entangle with Kakashi's hair. "Kakashi!" you moan, thighs immediately tightening around his head, your legs over his shoulders.

A moan vibrates from Kakashi's mouth, straight into your clit and a whine emits from your lips. "P-Please," you beg quietly. "M-More."

"Mmmmm," he hums against your clit as he moved his mouth from your entrance, the vibrations causing you to gasp out in pleasure.

Arching your back, your cunt only pressed further into Kakashi's face, you just wanted to have your release, you body was aching, aching so much. You could see stars every time he curls his fingers into your sweet spot.

"Kakashi," you whine subtly, you want him inside you so badly.

"I know, baby," Kakashi speaks against your folds, nose bumping against your clit, "Gotta make sure you're all prepped for me, you haven't had me in a while."

"M'know... but please, wanna...." you quietly trail off, embarrassed to say any more.

Kakashi licks a long strip up your cunt, fingers slowly pumping in and out your silky walls. "What, baby? what do you want?" he hums, teasing you, knowing how shy you are and how embarrassed you get.

Every stripe of his tongue on your clit made your body shudder, so much so that you felt as if you were doing to pass out. "Cum, I wanna so bad," you whimper, tears filling your lash line. "Need you... i-in me."

"Alright," Kakashi replies. "Got to give my wife what she needs."

"Please," you say, your whimpers getting louder when he speeds up the pace of his fingers and tongue. 

"Kakashi," you moan out. "Feels so good."

Once more, Kakashi's nose brushes up against your delicate clit, and your grip on his hair tightened. A satisfied sigh seeps through him into your folds as a mewl from your full lips. As he sucked your clit between his lips and flicked your sensitive bud with his tongue, Kakashi was eagerly moving his head in motion to get a full dive into your cunt.

His tongue climbs up from your wet hole to your clit while you let out a moan. Your thighs tighten around his head as a result of his advances, and as you grind down on his face, a moan echoes through your clit.

Your lips were filled with chants of his name, and he relished every moment of it. Kakashi's two fingers inside your cunt began to move once more, you eyes widened, your back further arched into his face, thighs clenching tighter around your head.

"Kakashi, f-feels s' good," you moan, tears spilling past your lash line, he was making you feel so good.

His finger pressed up against that soft spot inside your walls.

"Taking it so well, you're so good f'me," Kakashi moans against you, refusing to rut his hips into the futon, this was your pleasure, not his own, for now. 

A moan arouses from you and your hips grind themselves onto his face. He let you for once have some sort of control over the situation, and he decided that if you came quicker he'll let you do it more often. "That's it," he praised.

You cry his name through broken letters, and he moves more quickly and needily, and the one hold he had on your leg tightens. Your fingers encircled his locks to prevent him from moving and force him to breathe more deeply into your folds as your tummy coil tightened.

The grunts just served to tip you over the brink, and when he pressed his tongue firmly against your clit, you let out a low-pitched scream. Your stomach coil parted, drenching his face in your cum.

With your soaked pussy flowing out from your swollen folds, he carefully withdrew his fingers. You softly mewl in overstimulation and plant a kiss on your clit before lifting his head from your thighs. 

Embarrassed, you cover your face with your hand. "Baby, why are you hiding?" Kakashi hums, pulling your hand from your face and you immediately close your eyes tightly shut, he chuckles. "You're acting like we haven't been together for years."

"C'mon, open your eyes for me," Kakashi asks gently and you do so, his clean hand moving to cradle your face. "There's my pretty wife."

There goes your somewhat composed exterior, now your cheeks flushed an even deeper red. "Hello," you whispered.

A soft laugh leaves his mouth. "You're cute, love. Let's get you cleaned up, yeah?"

Kakashi moves off the bed, thinking that you would be too tired to engage in more, he has a hand, he can deal with his own pleasure for now. Just as he was about to pick you up from the bed, you stoped him from doing so, holding his shoulders so he wouldn't move any closer. He frowns in confusion, his mind racing to wonder if you are okay or not. 

"W-Wait," you murmur.

"Yes, dear? What's wrong?" he asks, worried, of course. 

"I want... more," you continue and his eyes widen.

"Are you sure?" Kakashi replies, he was borderline shocked, you were almost never this forward.

You nod your head, lifting your head to meet his dark eyes, "Please," you beg.

"What type of husband would I be to deny you," he says into your ear, pushing your back down to the bed, making sure to be careful with your body, not wanting to cause you discomfort, you and the baby. "I'll be gentle, love."

And just like that, he holds the base of his cock, angling his tip towards your entrance. He continues to push further into you making your eyebrows furrow together in pain but the pleasure is still overwhelming your senses making tears prick at your eyes.

"Oh, you feel so good," Kakashi moan into your neck. "You're so perfect."

"You feel so good," you moan. The feeling of pure ecstasy of him fully entered you.

you feel his dick scraping across your plush walls in all the right places as he slowly exited your cunt, but not fully. Our moans and whimpers get swallowed by each other. you feel his thrusts speed up and you moan in response, your walls clenching around him causing the grip Kakashi held on your thigh and waist to tighten.

The coil in your stomach getting tighter and your moans slightly became higher. Kakashi continued to groan into your neck after he pulled away from the heated kiss.

"You make- me feel so goo- d," you say moaning throughout your sentence, "Feels so good-"

"I'm close-," He groans.

"Me too," you choke out.

you felt the coil in your stomach snap as your back arched painfully into Kakashi's bare chest causing Kakashi to groan and his arms to wrap tightly around you. After a few more pumps Kakashi came, filling your cunt with cum, letting a few more rolls of his hips into you to help ride out both our highs before he pulled out slowly, making sure not to hurt you.

He walked over to the bathroom with a warm, damp wash cloth to clean you up and after he did so, you did the same. "You're quiet," he murmured.

The sound of his voice on its own made you blush deeply causing your cheeks to burn even further. You bit the bottom lip and pushed your face deeper into his chest and hoped he didn't get to see just how much you were embarrassed as you said, “I-I'm fine.” His hand moved to your chin, softly holding it in place and lifting your face, none of you had a choice but to gaze at each other. "You sure?" He asked. "You sound incredibly..shy." You swallowed, finding it hard to speak as you had a dry throat. "I-" A pause was needed. "I’m just trying to find the words.". Kakashi chuckled softly, the pads of his thumb caressing your red cheek. "You're so adorable when you behave this way," He murmured playfully. “Don't say that,” you uttered, peering at him just to redirect your gaze back to near the wall. He moved closer to you, his lips brushed against the side of your forehead gently. "Why do you act like this, hm?” he questioned. “Tell me everything.” It kept running faster and faster in your chest which made your skin to start to tingle under his fingers. "I just… I don’t know," your voice barely audible. "I can't even. Engage in communication. I just. I get ... It is always hard to Me. To hide my face even in this stupid situation. I don’t get it." "Even now?" He raised his voice, one of them moving aside a lock of your hair away from your face. "After all these years?" You were too eager in answering, "I really couldn't help it," pressed your face into his chest, trying to get at least some distance. "You never have to conceal from me," he told, planting another gentle kiss on the top of your head, "Actually, I don't think you should. There is nothing wrong with that." His head raises your chin up for another kiss down your lips. He hesitates for a second, looking into your eyes with a gentle smile. "It’s just that… I love you so much," you finally find the courage to reply. "And your really handsome, so of course, you make me nervous."

Kakashi's grin softened into a gentle smile as he pulled you closer to his chest, leaning his forehead against yours. "I love you too," he whispered. "And thank you, baby. You're beautiful."

Kakashi’s hand slowly began tracing your belly, thumb travelling across a small area repeatedly. He was so gentle that it amazed you once more, your heart racing a little. Taking a small break, he whispered softly – as he always did, sweet. “I still can’t believe that there is a little something inside,” he said so softly, glaring down at your torso.

“It feels... surreal sometimes,” you whispered.

“I know it’s a little overwhelming,” he said, “but I want you to know that I’ll be here. Every step of the way.”

You nodded, swallowing the lump in your throat as you tried to find your voice. “It’s just... a lot to think about,” you whispered. “But I’m happy. So happy.”

Kakashi smiled, leaning down to press a soft kiss to your forehead. “I know,” he whispered against your skin. “I feel the same way.”

Do not copy, steal, modify, etc. Relogs and like are appreciated.

m.list | naruto m.list

if this flops and gets no notes im actually gonna neck

[petriwriting]

Talk Talk - Theodore Nott X Reader

We've been talking for months But never in the same room And now I wanna approach ya But we've been keeping this a secret And you're surrounded by friends And I'm just wondering what they know

The dorm was full of the scent of rain, and the rain outside patted on the windows in a rhythmic pattern. The cool air was crisp to the skin, even with the warmth of the castle walls providing some protection. There lay a pair of lovers in the second bed, with the canopy curtains closed around them although they were alone.

It was Y/N's room, little pieces of their personality spread about their bed and dresser. It felt like home for Theodore. Y/N's roommates had all left for some party they raved on about the weeks before. Y/N could still remember their roommate practically begging them to go with them. There was a soft giggling. Y/N and Theo laid face to face on their sides in the twin bed, a blanket pulled loosely over Y/N as per Theo's request. "It's cold," he had said. Y/N did not protest. Both were thankful to have company. "This is so much better than going to some random party." Y/N said. "Absolutely." Theodore agreed. "You know," he began, leaning up on his elbows and looking down at Y/N, and the way the soft glow from the storm outside illuminated their features just right. "I really like our friendship." he states. "especially when we makeout," he chuckles. "Oh yeah?" Y/N coos. "Yes that part is pretty great." he says in a cocky manner.  "I don't know what you're talking about, Nott." Y/N teased. Theo smirked, and leaned forward to kiss them. "So that's the only part of this that you like?" Y/N joked, finally pulling away slightly. "well not the only part." Theo said. "Because I like that part too." Y/N said. "Don't go all soft on me," He said softly, now getting sleepy. "I'm not," Y/N said sternly. "Don't catch feelings or anything," Y/N chuckled, they choked out the words in sarcasm, in a joking manner although they were hypocritical. "Too late." Theo said, just as sarcastic. He dramatically flopped onto his back and closed his eyes, pretending to sleep. A few minutes passed by, and the pair could have easily fallen asleep. It was getting pretty late now. Y/N's roommates would probably be out much later, not that they would mind at all if they came back to a visitor.  After some time, Y/N had fallen fast asleep beside Theo, who watched as their chest was gently rising and falling with each breath. Theo gently cupped their face with his hand and sighed softly. "I think, ....I love you." he whispered, though Y/N was fast asleep.  Initially, the two of them had bumped into each other during class one evening, they each knew each other beforehand somewhat but never really interacted much. And for the remainder of that class they cracked jokes and chatted about nothing. Theo eventually offered to be a tutor, which, although Y/N was smart enough to not need it, they agreed anyway. Since that initial study date, things had been steady. They had an unspoken situation, not friends, not lovers. Not something yet, but not nothing anymore. "It was casual," Theo would say to his friends before he fully realized how he felt. "It's just fun." Y/N would tell their own friends and colleagues to avoid the banter. 

Despite passing notes in class, and giggling in the halls late at night and evenings spent in dorm rooms all this had developed into more for each of them, but there was a key factor missing. Communication. 

A new connection was exciting, and part of its allure was that it was mostly kept secret. Not that friends and loved ones wouldn't support it, just to savor the moment. Being official meant public eyes, and with that rumors would spread, gossip, and chatter. and that was a headache both of them thought wasn't worth it right now. All they had were deep feelings for each other that had developed over the course of several months.

... ... ... ... ... ...

The great hall was much quieter when it was not occupied fully for meal times. Many students found this a great place to relax and complete homework or to socialize. The dull chatter was comforting For Y/N, they had been sitting with a notebook, an open textbook and a quill alone. The perfect opportunity to complete the almost overdue assignment in front of them. However their mind was elsewhere all of a sudden when the great hall's doors opened and a group of rowdy Slytherins came through the door. Draco Malfoy and his clique that consists of Blaize, Pansy, Enzo & Matteo. and Theodore. upon seeing him Y/N stiffened up. They had been flirting in private, holding hands, going on restricted section-library dates. But it hurt that it seemed like he just didn't feel the same. Y/N felt like a desperate fan girl watching him from across the hall but couldn't help it. To Theodore, they didn't seem to exist, and to Y/n Theodore was a cocky bad boy. 

Y/N smiled at Theo when he glanced towards them, but was not met with a smile or a wave or any acknowledgement. Y/N felt embarrassed to say the least. It was an unspoken fling, probably nothing more. Y/N desperately tried to complete the assignment besides the distraction, giving up after about 30 minutes of unproductive doodling and flipping through pages. 

The way Theodore behaved around his friends was rude, why couldn't he at least smile at them? wave? or look in their direction? all you heard was loud conversations, and bursts of laughter that echoed through the hall. Finally, after Matteo had cracked some kind of somewhat unfunny joke, everyone burst into laughter and Y/N had enough of the mindless chatter. They quickly gathered all their things and rushed out of the great hall. Y/N wanted to cry, to scream and disappear all at once. Tears welled up in their eyes and they wiped them away quickly, rushing back to their dorm.  "Y/N!" a voice called out.  It was Theodore, running after them. Y/N stopped, embarrassed to be so upset.  "Are you alright?" he asked gently. "What's wrong?" Y/N sighed, and looked at the boy standing by their side. "I wish you'd just talk to me," Y/N began. "Well I am talking to you." he said definitively. "No, I wish you'd talk to me about us."  Theodore took a slight step back, in confusion he asked, "What about us?" Y/N sighed, shrugging their shoulders and gesturing towards. "I like us.. how we are." he said quietly. "I don't." Y/N admitted. "Everything we do is a secret, I feel like I'm lying to my friends and yours clearly don't even know I exist, come on Theo I'm not dumb. you told me you think you love me and then you act like nothing happened." Y/N plead. So they did hear him. He was slightly embarrassed. Theodore sighed and ran his fingers through his dark curls. "I'm sorry." he said quietly, defeated. "It's not like that to me," he explained. "I don't want to rush into anything because I really like you. And my friends do know about us, I just asked them not to pester you and be obvious about it until I could talk to you and tell you how I really feel." he says. "I didn't mean for it to upset you." he continues. "I've been scared of this feeling, I love you, I know that now. But it wasn't fair for me to say it without at least trying to know if you felt the same."  Y/N stood there looking at Theo, who had just poured his heart out to them. They were utterly speechless. Everything they wanted him to say, he had said. And it wasn't forced. He really felt that way. He loved them. Y/N was partially frozen, unsure of how to proceed. "I don't want to be a secret." they said. "I just don't want you to feel pressured, I don't care about a label, I just want to be with you." Y/N said finally. "and I love you too." Theodore smiled, kissing Y/N right there in the hallway for almost everyone to see. His friends had been eavesdropping anyway and he earned a cheer from Matteo and heard pansy clapping excitedly. It was a slightly embarrassing moment, but it passed into a comfortable fuzzy feeling quickly. Y/N interlocked hands with Theo and they walked back over to his friends to rejoin the group. "Everyone, I'd like you to meet Y/N, my partner."

[canirove]

The invinsible princess | Chapter 3

“First times”

Chapter 2 | Chapter 4 (coming out next Friday - October 4)

Masterlist

“Knock, knock.”

“Mum, hey.”

“May I come in?” she says from my room's door.

“Sure” I smile. 

“So…” she says, sitting down on my bed. “You are leaving again.”

“It's just for a few weeks, mum.”

“A month. And then it's the summer holidays and you are also going away with your friends and I don't know when I will see you again.”

“Don't be that dramatic, mum” I laugh. 

“The house is gonna be so empty without you and your sister…” she continues . “Though I guess we should be getting used to this. To you spending more time away and following your own path. You aren't our little girls anymore, you are women now.”

“Don’t let dad hear you saying that” I chuckle.

“I won't” she smiles. “But Sofía… Is there anything going on?”

“Uh?”

“Lately you've been… I don't know. Different.”

“Different?” I ask as I keep packing my bag.

“Yes, like… I don't know how to explain it, but you look different. Happier.”

“Well, I am happy.”

“Because you aren't invisible anymore?”

“What?” 

“Sofía…” my mum says, taking a deep breath. “I know that's how you've been feeling all these years. As if you weren't important to us, as if everything was for your sister and we were ignoring you. As if you didn't matter, as if you were just a second choice. But you do matter, Sofía. You do.”

“I know” I whisper, playing with the necklace Pedri gave me over Christmas. Touching the little banana charm has become something I do mostly without thinking when I am nervous or feeling a bit anxious, something that helps me relax.  

“And now… I don't know. You've spent most part of this year constantly going to Barcelona and staying with your aunt and your cousins, looking the happiest I've seen you in a long time when you come back, and I can't help but feel like… like…”

“Like?”

“Like they are giving you the love you deserve. The love your father and I have failed at giving you.”

“You haven't failed me, mum” I say, looking at her.

“Haven't we? Because I can't remember the last time I saw you smiling like this. Well, I do. When Spain won the Euros” she chuckles. “You had the same sparkle in your eyes after the boys came to visit us.”

“The same sparkle?” I laugh.

“Cheesy, I know. But it's the truth” she shrugs. “Both things aren't related, are they?”

“What?”

“Your aunt Cristina has a theory but… Nah. Forget about it.”

“A theory?” I ask her. “What theory?”

“Well, she thinks you are dating someone in Barcelona, and that he may be either one of your cousin's teammates or a Barça player from the football team. One Irene seems to fancy.”

“What?” I laugh, hoping that my reaction will hide the fact that my aunt is right. Kind of.

Because Irene actually fancies a guy who plays handball with her brother, and since I owe her for helping me when I meet with Pedri, now I'm doing the same for her and accompanying her to his games.

“You two go watch your cousin play handball all the time and also go to the Camp Nou pretty often. And then you alone disappear most weekends and don't stop by the house. You say you are meeting with friends, but she suspects it's because you are staying with a boy.”

“That's… I…”

“Ferran!” my mum suddenly says.

“Ferran?”

“That's the boy Irene apparently likes. Are you dating him? I saw you looking his way when they visited us. He is quite handsome.”

“I'm not dating him, mum” I chuckle. “And I wasn't looking his way.” Though I was, because Pedri was obviously next to him. 

“I wouldn't mind if you were” she shrugs. 

“Really? He is… a football player.”

“And?” she says. “I was just a tv news presenter when I met your father.”

“Yes, but… But you had a degree. Most football players have struggled to finish high school.”

“Sofía, as long as you love each other and you have a healthy relationship, I don't care about what the person you choose does for a living. But whatever they do has to be legal, of course” she says with a playful smile.

“Of course” I reply, also smiling. 

“Does this mean there is a boy, then? Is your aunt right?”

“I… ummm…” I say, back to playing with my necklace.

“Got it” she winks. “Am I right about what I was saying earlier too?”

“Uh?”

“About you going to Barcelona so often not just because of a boy, Sofía. I think you are doing it because of me and your father. Because here with us you feel alone and lonely. Because here it is all about your sister and getting her ready for her future. And when we do something together as a family, like going to an event the four of us together for example, it also ends up being about her. So I understand it, Sofía. I understand if you've felt left behind and invisible, and now in Barcelona you don't anymore.”

And the thing is… that she's right. That in Barcelona I've found what I didn't have in Madrid, and not only because of Pedri. 

My aunt Cristina (my dad's sister) has basically adopted me and has been taking care of me as if I was another of her kids (she has four, Irene and her three older brothers). She has set a room just for me, and a box with things she knows I like (like my favourite chocolate or some of my favourite skincare products), is waiting for me in my bed every time I go back. And every day I share at least one meal with her, Irene, her brothers or all of them at the same time, something I'm not used to and that I've always missed back in Madrid. The laughs, the bickering between my cousins, the catching up about how your day has been… With my parents it mostly is silence or talk about work, even when Leonor is at home.

And speaking of work, I've found myself working on something I actually like, which isn't easy being who I am, invisible or not. 

My aunt takes care of some charities and foundations created and sponsored by the crown, and while Irene is at uni, Pedri in training and I'm bored at home, I usually accompany her to her meetings and help her with everything she may need as some kind of assistant. That's how I've found myself taking care of the foundation named after my sister, one that is focused on young people and helping them in anything they may need. And I… love it. I love it all, from coming up with new ideas for charity events, to meeting the kids and teenagers who are part of the foundation and spending time with them and helping them with whatever they may need, to even doing all the paperwork. 

Last time I was in Barcelona for example, I helped a group of kids with their homework, and once we were finished we spent most of the afternoon playing together, all of them going back home with a big smile on their faces. Them and I, to be honest. 

On this trip, among other things, I'm going back for an event with Barça's foundation that I've managed to organize thanks to Pedri's help, and I am so looking forward to it. You should have seen the kids’ faces when I told them about it, they couldn't believe it. I can't wait to see their reaction when he actually shows up and surprises them. 

And now that I mention him again, things are going so well between us… I sometimes have to pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming, that everything I'm living and feeling with and for him is real. That I'm… that I'm in love with him even if I haven't found the guts to tell him just yet. 

What I have had to guts for, tho, is to say yes when he asked me to be his girlfriend, and he did it just a couple of weeks ago while he was away with the national team in Germany. 

Since it was the first official game Spain was playing after winning the Euros and Germany kind of is special for us, I went to watch him play. It wasn't an official visit, so as usual, going unnoticed was the easiest thing in the world.  

After the game we managed to have a sneaky date, and it was perfect even if we didn't leave my hotel room. Carlos was the best and helped us with everything, and even though he has to deal with us constantly being cheesy and too touchy when we are together out and about, I think he is starting to get used to it. To us being together.

“I'm sorry, Sofía. I'm sorry we've made you feel like that. That we've ignored you and neglected you the way we have.”

“Mum, I…”

“But we love you, Sofía. You know we do, don't you?”

“Of course I do, mum! I've never doubted that.”

“Then… do you forgive us?” she says, getting up and walking towards where I am standing. 

“There is nothing to forget, mum” I say, taking her hands on mine. “I know you were doing the best you could. And being invisible isn't that bad sometimes” I shrug.

“You aren't invisible, Sofía” she says, squeezing my hands. “You are a remarkable young woman, one I am very proud of. One both your father and I are very proud of.”

“Thank you, mum.”

“Ugh, come here” she says before hugging me. 

“Mum, can you… Can you squeeze me a bit less tightly, please? I can't breathe.”

“Oh, sorry” she says, still not letting go of me. “See how you aren't invisible?”

“Yeah” I chuckle.

“Though I hope you aren't using that excuse to do things you shouldn't. Like sneaking out to see that boy…”

“Mum…”

“Oh, look at the colour of your face” she laughs. “Will you tell me more about him if things get serious between you two?”

“I will.”

“Good” she smiles. “Now, do you need any help packing? You know I'm an expert. And maybe we could put on some music while we do it? I'm so out of the loop with what you girls like... Last thing I remember is One Direction, and I believe they stopped making music together years ago.”

“You are a bit out of date, yes.”

“Then… May I help you pack?”

“You may” I smile. “Thank you, mum.”

“You're welcome” she says, kissing my cheek.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“Look at him. He never pays attention to his hair, and now he's been looking at himself in the mirror for the past five minutes” Ferran chuckles.

“His girlfriend is coming to see him play. He has to look royally good” Fermín says.

“I can hear you, you know?” Pedri says, trying to tame a lock of hair that keeps sticking out. He should not be bothering so much with it, he's about to go into the pitch and after a couple of runs it'll be ruined. But Sofía is on the stands, and he wants to look good for her even if she always says that she prefers his hair when it is messy.

“She is still coming to my birthday party, isn't she?” Fermín says.

“She is. She actually got you a present” Pedri says, giving up with his hair.

“A royal one?”

“Will you ever stop with those jokes?” Pedri says, rolling his eyes.

“Ummm… no” Fermín smiles.

“Don't worry, Pedri” Ferran says, putting an arm around his shoulders and messing his hair with his other hand. “He will go all shy when he meets her and won't say a word to her the whole night, you'll see.”

“I already met her when we went to the palace after the Euros, you know?” Fermín says.

“Yeah, and you weren't able to look up her shoes” Ferran laughs. “So don't worry about him, Pedri. Just focus on the game and scoring a goal to dedicate to your princess.”

“Ferran!” 

“What? Many people call their girlfriends princess as a cute nickname” he shrugs. “No one has to know that yours actually is a real one” he smirks.

“Yeah, well.”

No one from the team knew about Sofía. No one but Ferran, Fermín and Gavi, of course. And Pedri was expecting to end the season like that, with not having to tell anyone else. 

They only had four more games left. Four games, and he would be able to go on holidays with Sofía. 

They had booked a little house in the south in France to be alone and celebrate their anniversary since they had picked the date they met at the Euros for it, and he couldn't wait to go there and just disconnect. To spend his days waking up and going to bed next to her, cooking their meals together and eating them in the garden while they talked about the most random things, going for walks together without worrying about someone recognising them, to watch the sunset together on the beach, and basically enjoy her company and… well. Her. 

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“Guys, finally! Where were you?” Fermín asks us when we walk into his house. Or shouts, because the music is so loud and there are so many people…

“There was traffic” Pedri says.

“What? I left after you did and the roads were the same as always after a game” Gavi says, joining us.

“And you left before Ferran, and he already is here” Fermín adds.

“Is he? We should probably go say hello to him, you know how he gets if we…”

“You are not going anywhere until you tell us where you were” Fermín says, stopping Pedri.

“We… umm…”

“We had to wait until Carlos had checked the party and made sure it was safe for me” I say.

“What?” both Gavi and Fermín say, looking my way.

“It's the usual procedure” I shrug. The usual… with my sister. With me things are more chill. “He says thank you for making it a party with no phones, by the way. It makes his life easier.” Which isn't a lie.

“I… umm… you're welcome?” 

“Anyway, why don't we get ourselves a drink? What do you want, Sofía?” Pedri asks me, trying to escape from his friends. 

He's been worried about them not behaving properly in front of me since the day I confirmed I would be attending the party. When I've met them on their own it's been fine, they all are really nice guys. And Fermín actually got a bit teary when I gave him his birthday present earlier after the game, which was really cute.

But Pedri fears that once they all are together and have drank a bit, they may get too cocky and say something they shouldn't in front of me. But not because he is hiding things from me or anything like that. Our phone conversations are so long that by now we basically know everything about the other when it comes to boys, girls, relationships, crushes and hook ups. He worries more about… embarrassing things and stories. 

“Look who is finally here!” Ferran says behind us, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and the other around Pedri's. “What took you so long?”

“Sofía’s bodyguard had to check if the house was safe” Gavi says.

“What?” Ferran laughs. “Did you seriously believe that?”

“It is the truth.”

“And I'm blonde, Pedri” Ferran laughs again. “Guys, haven't you looked at them?”

“What do you mean?” Gavi asks with a confused look.

“Swollen lips, the neck of Pedri's t-shirt is a bit crooked, Sofía isn't wearing lipstick and she was when we met them at the stadium… These two were late because they were making out in his car. Maybe doing more than that” Ferran smirks.

“No!” Fermin gasps, his eyes going wide. “You guys are late to my birthday party because you were too busy fucking?”

“Language, bro!” Gavi says, elbowing him and nodding towards me.

“You can swear in front of me, Gavi. It's ok. You should hear the things I say sometimes” I chuckle. “And we weren't fucking. We just had a quick make out session because my boyfriend here scored an amazing goal and we had to celebrate” I smile, looking at Pedri. “Besides, sex in his car isn't too comfortable.”

“Sofía!” Pedri gasps. Now he is the one whose eyes are about to pop from their sockets, his cheeks turning bright red.

“What? It's the truth, you've said it yourself” I shrug.

“You are lucky he got rid of the Mini before he met you” Ferran laughs. “Because if you find this car uncomfortable…”

“And I'm lucky I already got my driver's license and I don't need Pedri taking me everywhere” Gavi says.” Having to go training with him every day in that car knowing that you two have… you know…”

“Can we please talk about something else? Like, we are here to celebrate Fermín getting older, not to discuss details about my personal life” Pedri says, letting go of my hand and crossing his arms over his chest. He looks so pissed… 

“Exactly!” Fermín says. “Let's go get us some shots to celebrate. Follow me.”

“Pedri…” I say as the others start walking away. But he doesn't hear me… or doesn't want to. And I'm pretty sure he dodged my hand when I tried to touch his arm. “Great” I sigh before following him.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“To the birthday boy!” Ferran says once we all have our tiny glasses.

“To me!” Fermín smiles. 

“Pedri, where are you going?” I ask him when he finishes his shot and gives Gavi his glass, walking away and completely ignoring me. Again.

“Oh… trouble in paradise…” Fermín chuckles. “Ouch! Why did you hit me, bro?”

“Do you seriously have to ask?” Ferran says, nodding towards me.

“Oh, umm… Sorry, Sofía.”

“It's ok. I'm… I'm gonna go talk with him. Take this” I say, giving my glass to Ferran.

“Sofía, do you want me to go with you?” he offers.

“This is my mess, Ferran. But thank you” I smile before leaving him and the others and starting to look for Pedri among all the guests. How can Fermín know so many people?

“Hey, I know you!” a boy says, stopping me when I make it to the garden. 

“I don't think so.”

“Of course I do! You are the hot princess!”

“The what?”

“Yeah… Bro, what is the name of the princess?” 

“Leonor?” one of his friends says, not even bothering to look at me.

“Nah, not the one with an old lady name. The other one, the hot one!”

“Oh, Sofía.”

“Yes, Sofía! You are her, aren't you?” he smiles.

I am the hot princess? What? Since when?

“I'm afraid you are mistaken me with her. Besides, what would she be doing at a party like this?” I chuckle.

“Yeah, you are probably right… You still are really hot, tho” he smirks.

“Thank you. But now if you'll excuse me, I need to go find my boyfriend” I say, giving him my best fake smile, the one I usually use at boring events. 

“Burn!” his friend laughs, some other people around us joining him. 

“Boyfriends can break up, you know?” he says, ignoring them.

“I know” I sigh. Mine may be thinking about that right now. “Anyway, it was nice meeting you. And thank you for the compliment.”

“You're welcome. And princess or not, you know where to find me!” he says as I walk away.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“Ferran… Fer… Ferran” I say, tapping on his shoulder. “Ferran!”

“Shit!” he says, turning around. “Sofía?”

“Hi, yes. Sorry for interrupting” I smile at the girl he was making out with. “But I can't find him.”

“What?”

“I can't find… you know” I whisper, not saying Pedri's name just in case the girl has recognised me. “I've looked everywhere and I can't find him. And I don't want to call Carlos and ask him if he has seen him leave, because I know the look he will give me, and I can't deal with my bodyguard telling me I told you right now.”

“You have a bodyguard?” the girl asks.

“That's how she calls her older brother” Ferran quickly says. “But are you sure you have looked everywhere for him?”

“Yes” I nod. “I fucked up, Ferran. He got mad and now he has left me and…”

“Sofía, hey, no. We are gonna find him and you will fix things.”

“I hope so. Because I… I… you know.” I love him.

“I know” he says. “He does too.”

He… what?

“Do you mind if I go help my friend find her boyfriend? They had a little argument and… you know. But I'll come back and I will make it up to you. I promise” Ferran says to the girl with a smile that could make anyone fall at his feet. 

“Ok” the girl says before whispering something in his ear. “Don't take too long.”

“I won't, I promise. Let's go, Sofía” he says, taking my hand and basically dragging me behind him.

“What did she tell you?” 

“Oh, you don't want to know, Sofía. You don't want to know…”

“Ferran, I may be a princess, but I'm not a delicate flower like the ones you read about in fairytales.”

“That's what I've gathered after some things Pedri has told me” he says as he suddenly stops, making me almost crash into his back before he starts walking again, leading us upstairs. “But I am a gentleman, Sofía. What she said will stay between her and I.”

“Sure” I snort.

“Ok, fine. I may tell the boys some details about it. And… this way” he says as we go up another set of stairs.

“Ferran, where are we going?”

“I assume you checked all the rooms on that floor while looking for Pedri.”

“I did, yes. And saw things I didn't want to see.”

“Been there” he chuckles. “Did you come to this floor too?” 

“I did. But all the rooms were empty.”

“Did you go into the attic?”

“There is an attic?”

“There is” he says, opening a door I hadn't seen earlier since it has no handle. It is one of those kind of hidden on the wall, one you have to push to open. “Fermín basically uses it as a storage room, but it has a balcony with amazing views and Pedri has always loved it. So if he hasn't left the party yet, he's up there.”

“Aren't you coming with me?”

“It is an attic but there are no spiders if that's what you are afraid of. Pedri would never go there if that was the case” he chuckles. “And this is something you need to do on your own, Sofía.”

“I guess, yes” I sigh.

“Good luck” Ferran says, giving my hand an encouraging squeeze.

“Thank you” I smile. “And good luck to you too. Though I think you won't be needing it with that girl.”

“We'll see” he says before walking away.

“Ok, Sofía. You can do this” I say, taking a deep breath and going up the stairs.

Like Ferran said, the attic basically is a big storage room, boxes of gym machines, shoes and random bits and bobs scattered everywhere. At the end of it there is a big glass door that lets in enough light to illuminate the room without having to turn it on, and that door is currently open, letting the music and the voices from the party come in.

As I get closer to it, I can see someone sitting on the floor, his legs hanging between the bars of the balcony's railing. 

“Pedri?” I call.

“Bloody hell!” he screams, hitting his legs as he tries to get up.

“Sorry, I'm sorry. Are you alright?”

“I may wake up with a huge bruise on my knee tomorrow, but I'm fine” he says, massaging his leg. “What are you doing here, Sofía?”

“I… I was looking for you.”

“To embarrass me a bit more in front of my friends?”

“What? No! I just… I… I'm sorry.”

“I was looking forward to this party, you know?" he says after a few seconds in silence. "Actually, we both were. We had agreed on wanting to spend some time with the boys and have fun like any people our age would do, relax a bit before the end of the season and before we can go on holidays just the two of us. And as you also know, my only worry was that the boys could start behaving like idiots and saying things that they shouldn't, embarrassing me in front of you. I've spent the whole week telling them to behave, that if they actually were my friends, they would do it for me. Little did I know, that it would be you the one embarrassing me in front of them.”

“C'mon, Pedri. It was just a little bit of banter between friends.”

“Banter that made me uncomfortable, Sofía” he says, standing up. “You know how much they've been teasing me about you and our relationship since we started seeing each other. And you also know that even if they aren't doing it to be mean, it bothers me. Because I may be a worldwide known football player, but you are Spain's fucking princess. Yes, the second in line, but still a princess. And sometimes I can't help but feel… I don't know. Small next to you.”

“Pedri…”

“I know what you are going to say. That I'm not small. At least not in the way I'm thinking” he chuckles, his smile quickly disappearing. “But just as you struggle with feeling like your whole life you've been invisible to everyone despite me telling you that that's not true, I struggle with this. With sometimes feeling like I'm… not enough for you. And those insecurities came back earlier when we were with the boys. Because you are comfortable and confident enough to openly talk about such personal things with anyone, but I'm not. One thing is doing it between us, in private, and another with and in front of my friends. Like, it takes ages for Ferran to get something out of me and I know I can trust him with my life!” Pedri says, running a hand through his hair. “And I thought you knew that and understood it, Sofía. So when I saw you talking about it with them… Well. It hurt.”

“I'm sorry, Pedri. I truly truly am. Because I do know you feel that way and I understand it. I do, I swear. I should have known better and just shut up. But I didn't and I kept talking because I'm an idiot. I am a fucking idiot” I say, kicking an empty shoe box. “And I'm not trying to excuse myself but I just… I don't know. I guess I was just too excited because we were doing something normal with your friends. And then you have to add the game and your goal, the make out session in the car and… I don't know. It's like I was drunk in happiness and I got carried away and… I'm sorry.”

“Yeah” he whispers, neither of us saying another word for what feels like an eternity.

“I guess I should go back home” I finally say. “Carlos will probably be glad when he sees me. You know he didn't agree with any of this. With us.”

“Wait, what?”

“He didn't like the idea of us coming to a party with so many people, and he's never liked the idea of us together. He's started to get used to it, but since that misunderstanding when we met, I know he has never fully trusted you. So I guess he'll be happy knowing that it is over.”

“Over? What are you talking about, Sofía?”

“We have broken up, haven't we?”

“What?” Pedri laughs.

“Isn't that what just happened?”

“Of course not!” he laughs again.

“Then… umm…”

“Sofía, we haven't broken up” he says, taking my hands on his. “This has just been our first real and proper fight as a couple.”

“Wait, really?”

“Yeah.”

“Just that?”

“Just that” he chuckles.

“Then you aren't… I mean… Are you…”

“I'm a bit pissed and also disappointed, but that doesn't mean I want to break up with you. It only means we need to keep working on our relationship. Keep talking and telling each other how we feel, what we think, what worries us.”

“Oh... I see.”

“So clever and bold with some things, and so naïve when it comes to others, Sofía…” he says with a teasing smile.

“Could say the same about you, Pedro.”

“You could, yes” he laughs. “Looks like we are made for each other.”

“Yeah” I say with a shy smile. Here I am once again, feeling my face getting warmer by the second just because he has said or done something cute. “There was something Ferran told me before he helped me find you…”

“He helped you find me?”

“He did. I had been looking for you everywhere and couldn't find you, started to freak out, and had to interrupt him while he had his tongue down a girl's throat.”

“Wow” Pedri laughs. “Did she at least take it well?”

“She did. And if she had doubts, the smile he gave her sent them all away.”

“Oh, I know that smile. It is a dangerous one that has broken many hearts. But what did he tell you?”

“He… I mean… I implied something, and he said that so did you.”

“What?”

“I… Ok” I say, taking a deep breath. “I basically told him that I love you but without using those words, and he said that you…”

“I love you too, Sofía” Pedri smiles.

“You… You do?”

“I do” he nods. 

“That's… umm… ok” I say with a nervous laugh.

“Too many emotions in a short period of time, uh?” he says, moving one hand to cup my face, his thumb caressing my cheek. A cheek that is obviously burning.

“Definitely. I've gone from thinking we were breaking up to telling you I love you for the first time and you saying it back in what, five minutes?”

“Something like that.”

“Fermín said that his birthday party was going to be an unforgettable one, and he wasn't wrong. He probably had something different in mind, but… Did I tell you that some random guy recognised me? I obviously told him he was mistaken, that what would Princess Sofía be doing here. But he said that I was the hot sister. Me! And he also said that Leonor has an old lady name, which is pretty funny and…”

“And you are rambling, Sofía.”

“Am I?”

“Yep. And even though that guy was right when he told you that you are the hot princess, proving once again what I always tell you about being invisible… You, my lady, also are rambling” Pedri smiles, the fact that he has used his nickname for me making all my doubts and fears disappear.

“Another thing we have in common, then” I say. “You know, you may be right, and we may be made for each other.”

“We are made for each other” he corrects me. 

“Even if I sometimes I'm an idiot and have a bit of a big mouth?”

“Even so” he chuckles. “I love you, Sofía.”

“I love you too, Pedri” I say before kissing him.

[seriouslybunny]

'Walk Alone'

.katsuki bakugou

sum. are you really that stupid? of course he can't love you. you're a boy.

wc. 492

cw. none.

I didn't think he'd react the way he did. I thought he'd scream. I thought he'd yell. Perhaps even scoff and walk away. But he didn't. He just stared. Those red eyes bore into mine, unreadable and cold. I take a step back.

My mouth often got the best of me. I'd talk without thinking and nearly always regret what poured out. But this time I had thought about it. Lots, actually. Months I'd though about it. And as it came out, I still felt guilt. Could I ever win?

"What..?"

His voice was my favourite part about him. It was grainy and edgy. Others would say it was annoying, too loud, too much. But I thought it was rather charming. However, right now, I dreaded hearing it. It was unsure and quiet.

"I love you.. okay? I said.. I said I love you.." I repeat.

He blinks. And turns his head to the side. Not the reaction I was wanting but it was better than yelling at me. All of a sudden it's like a flip switches in his brain and he glares back down at me.

"Fuck off."

"I'm serious, Bakugou, I love-"

"I heard what you fucking said! Just.." He scoffs and closes his eyes for a second. He made a face like he'd sucked on a lemon. "I can.. we're both boys."

It was my turn to frown. The wind sounded as though it picks up just as he says it. His hair flutters over his face. Perfection. I ignore it best I can. What had he just said?

"Yeah, I... what? Why does that matter?"

"Because you fucking..! You.." He scoffs at me again. Like it was obvious. It wasn't. "It doesn't matter, nerd.. go fuck about with Kirishima with that gay shit, alright? I'm.. I don't do that.."

He winced after he said it. No matter how much he tried to hide it, I saw. I saw his nose curl up, his fists curl into tight balls, his brows furrow and his mouth twitch downwards. I saw it. He hadn't meant it. It didn't matter. It stung my heart like a pin.

"Oh.. right.."

My lip twitches. I often get a tingle in the back of my eyes right before I cry, but never as bad as this. I choke out an apology and turn away. A slight change in wind by my hand tells me he was going to stop me, but I never feel his skin. I walk back to my dorm. Alone. Trying to wipe away the well in my eyes before the salty drops fell down. I missed a few but my tounge caught them.

As I enter the common room, Mina grins at me from the couch.

"How'd it go?"

I just shake my head and her smile drops. She understood. She didn't need me to explain. She gives a little hum and points at the couch next to her. I decline.

[simpinglittleshit]

Headcanons for when you're on your period - Sanji x in posession of a working uterus! Reader

This is self-indulgent and I'm going through it right now, so please bear with me. Also this takes place on the ship and in an established relationship between Reader and Sanji. Also english is not my first language so I apologize for any mistakes.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

At first, you tried to hide it from him, but he quickly caught up to what was going on

His whole mood shifted, he was suddenly very calm and collected

You had expected the complete opposite, you thought he would fuss about you and fall to his knees and try to provide a thousand things at the same time to somehow force your period to be softer to you, maybe even get emotional about how you were hurting from the inside.

Instead he asked you what you needed in the moment, taking your hands gently into his and running soft circles into your skin. He left no room for debate until you really had told him everything you wanted in that moment, sitting patiently until he heard the hesitation leave your voice.

No matter if you demanded cuddles, a hot-water bottle, a combination of sweet and savoury snacks, a bath, some time alone or anything else- he makes sure you get it.

He'll make you any and every snack you ask for, letting you sit in the kitchen if you want to and quickly preparing some fruit slices and crackers for you to munch on while he prepares your request.

Even the oddest combination of flavours and textures are made by him without a word of judgement, understanding that you can't control what you want and just happy to be able to tend to your wants and needs.

Sanji will gladly do this multiple times a day and learns to recognize by the tone of your voice, the way you say his name, drawing the 'i' at the end of his name out just a little longer than usual, when you're in need of a quick treat.

At some point Luffy tries to fake having a period to sneak in some extra snacks as well and Sanji kicks him out of the kitchen, lecturing him on disrespecting your pain like that.

He also enjoys to hand-feed you fruits and snacks when you're in your quarters, pecking your lips after every other treat in adoration.

When you demand some time alone he lets you be by yourself until you come out on your own.

After a few months he gifts you a baby snail transponder so you can call him if you need anything and you are eternally grateful for it.

Of course he wants to be by your side every second, but you know best what you want and need and he's all sunshine and rainbows when he can wrap his arms around you again as soon as you let him.

He respects your desire to have some time to yourself and won't interefere with your me-time.

When you demand cuddles he gets all giddy on the inside, but won't let it show on the outside. Instead he'll place you on the nearest place to sit down on and make a little nest of blankets and pillows on your shared bed, if the time allows it.

If you're in public or just not in your quarters he'll hug and hold you until you pull away, one hand always placed somewhere on your body to keep you close to him

He'll grab some snacks - he keeps your favourites secretly locked away in the kitchen for this occasion and prepares several of your favourite drinks with different flavours and temperatures - from hot chocolate to freshly pressed lemonade with crushed ice and places them all on a tray.

To him, cuddling with you is an experience. He get to hold you, all to himself and it's him that you want while you're in pain and your hormones are all over the place.

It's an honor to him and he wants to honor you, as well as your aching organ. Because even though it brings you pain, to him it's also a sign that you're safe and healthy, that he can keep you well and cared for.

As soon as he has everything set up he picks you up and lays you down on the bed, letting you get comfortable and only then joining you, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you closer.

He relishes in the feeling of having you near him, your scent, your warmth, even when you're grunting in pain.

His warm, slender hand finds your abdomen when you do so and is ever so gently placed above it, his lips finding your forehead as he melts into the moment with you, whispering words of adoration and love against your skin.

He holds you in his arms, both careful yet firm at the same time, his fingers threading softly through your hair. He reminds you how beautiful you are to him, how you're a walking goddess in his eyes, how he is the luckiest man alive to hold you in his arms, that he wouldn't want to be anywhere else right now than with you.

He holds you when you suddenly get emotional, bitches with you when you complain about all different kinds of things, listens to you when you rant about how much you hate everyone and everything and hand-feeds you the snacks he made as well as hand you all the different drinks he made while you talk.

He also enjoys the silence with you, just holding you and listening to the waves lapping at the wood of the ship, the gentle sway of it lulling you into a slumber after some time.

He only falls asleep with you after he made sure that you've fallen asleep first, reaching over your body to put away all the items that could disturb your rest and brushing away any crumbs from the pillows and blankets next to you - he'll properly dispose of them later, wanting to hold you in his arms as he drifts off.

As much as you are eternally grateful for how supportive he is of you and the lengths he goes to just to make you happy, he is eternally grateful to be there for you, letting him be the one to ease your pain and make these few torturous days more bearable for you.

[shojizbae]

Fame Monster

Tom Kaulitz x Reader

Your career had really taken off since your first album, Blutsbande, was released. Your European tour took over your summer break. You had performed all over many places you begged your mom to travel to. Of course, as your 'manager,' she got to tag along with you. You got to meet so many fans and explore new corners of the world.

That's not to say you didn't feel a small dull, annoying void in your life.

Tom.

You've thought about him every day since you met.

And in every way. When you meet couples and celebrities with their partners, seeing them in the crowds of your shows stung a lot. People can look deep into each other's eyes, especially when you sing your slow songs about love and desire. It was just in public, when your mother was meeting with your publicist, and you were alone on the tour bus, that you thought deeply about him.

About how he smelled and looked. Especially how he tasted. You regret every moment that you didn't kiss him. Since then, you distracted yourself by finding male fans who wanted to touch you. And there were many. You never went all the way with them. It didn't seem right. But every few weeks, you would find some cute Spaniard and give him a VIP pass to your dressing room. The most tabloids got from it was that you had blown a fan in Wales.

But now, you were home in Germany, tired and hungry. You were supposed to have a meeting with your publicist and the producers about beginning a new album and mapping the world tour for the first album. While they discussed some financial things that a star like you was too important to be bored with, you went looking for caffeine.

The break room is quite spacious and cozy. The walls are adorned with vibrant and expensive abstract art pieces, adding a touch of sophistication to the room. There are comfortable seating areas, and the room is well-lit, with natural light streaming through the windows. Overall, it's a welcoming space to take a break and relax.

Right as you enter, four rowdy boys come down a separate hallway. You sigh and open the stainless steel fridge.

"Ah shit, it's the pop princess!" Bill interrupts

"Deine Frau," Gustav snickers as he rattles Tom. Your eyes lock. It feels like everyone else in the world vanishes, and you're zoomed out, looking at the two of you on the planet, orbiting the sun.

"Hey, welcome back to reality, superstar." Tom smiles as if you two are best friends.

"Ja, it was super cool. Now I'm just super thirsty." One of his eyebrows shoots up as you open the fridge for a beverage. You grab the last bottle of Coke. You twist off the bottle cap and flick it to the trashcan again. The boys also find respective snacks and consume a couch. Discovering that there was no room left, you take the pocket of the sofa where Tom was sitting, resting your legs across his spread lap. You dig in with the arm of the sofa at your back. He regards you and then places one hand on your thigh.

They continue their conversation as if you belong in Tom's lap. Like you were just an accessory missing from his outfit. He traces circles over your thigh as they keep an idle conversation.

"Do you want some Cola?" You offer the bottle up to his lips.

"Ja," he takes a swig and hands it back to you. You smile at him and lick the rim of the bottle. The boys erupt at the pure eroticism of your acts. He takes the bottle from your hand and places it on the coffee table. He takes hoists you up so you're straddling him.

"I'm going to kiss you now," He grips me tightly, and I just smile as he takes the lead. Before you get too heated and dirty, Bill clears his throat.

"Um, maybe find like a janitor's closet if you're going to have sex."

Georg and Gustav snicker, but you return to your little pocket under Tom's arm.

"I heard you're willing to do much in front of crowds." Georg jokes

"Uh, stupid tabloids, I went down on four guys over a three-month tour, and suddenly I'm some promiscuous slut. Didn't someone say you had slept with 25 girls when you were 14?" you slap Tom's chest

"Stupid tabloids," He agrees. Just then, your mother comes dashing out of the meeting room, screaming your name and waving her hands.

"Honey! Oh Mein, Gott! Angel." She comes to a halt right in front of you. "Who are these boys? Never mind, it's not relevant. This is super important, but we'll talk about these boys later. Rammstein wants you to open for them!"

In that regard Netanyahu you launched at out Tom’s lap, to his dismay. All around your European tour when you were stuck in interviews asking you the same questions they always asked who inspired you. Took hotel and Rammstein were always the answer.

Well, now, you had gotten that close to making out with a member of Tokio Hotel, and NOW Rammstein wanted you to come to tour with them. You were jumping around, hugging your mom, and squealing something in Hebrew.

"Wait, when?" you separate and hold your mom by her triceps

"Their tour starts in two months, so you're doing some shows in New Zealand and Australia, and then you'll be back in rehearsals." She switches her tone from 'mom' to 'manager'. You sulk, knowing that it was back to a busy and stressful life. Especially now that it seemed there could be something with Tom.

Before the blue could consume you, shouts of excitement consume the area behind you.

"Woah, so cool!"

"you're opening for Rammstein!"

"You're traveling more!"

The boys have all jumped up, encircled you, and congratulated you with back pats. Tom slings an arm around your shoulders and looks down at you fondly.

"I guess we'll have to save that kiss for when you get back."

"No way." You extend to your tip toes and direct his jaw by his cheek. He kisses you a little chastely, knowing your mom is right there. And when you pull back, it's all over. From then on, you know that Tom Kaulitz is the only one you want to be around. The look in his chocolaty eyes and the slight smile is a tell-tale sign that it's over.

You're all he wants.

"We should go for a celebratory lunch!" Bill cheers

"Ja, I'm hungry."

"Your publicist still needs to work out some details of this little oral scandal. I hope you start associating with better people. But for now, take the card and bring me back a brisket sandwich." Your mom tosses a credit card at you with a stern mom look.

"Sweet! Danke mama!" You hop up and kiss her cheek. On your way out, you get your jacket and purse. The boys follow you out, although none of them bring jackets. Bill is already wearing one.

"And liebe,"

"Ja Mama?"

"Don't eat too much, you'll get fat.'

"Yes, mama."

When you leave the record label, the boys have already hailed a taxi. You climbed in, comfortably sandwiched between Georg and Gustav. You know to keep your face covered in public, so you slide on sunglasses and a hat. Paparazzi isn't as heinous in Germany as in the US, but fangirls are bound to find the famous Kaulitz twins. They take you to a nicer sit-down restaurant, and you order a round of sodas and some bread.

For 16-year-old boys, they make tolerable conversation. You catch up on what it's like to be a young celebrity. Although it is really refreshing to just make dick jokes and laugh loudly. When you order food, Gustav orders your mothers a sandwich for you to go, and you get a chicken salad with pita. The boys joke about being emasculated by a woman paying, but they all agree to take you to lunch again when you return from Australia.

You slip your jacket back on your shoulders, slide out of the booth, and the boys follow you. As you leave the restaurant, you are bombarded by a camera flash, and you feel a hand interlock with yours and let it lead you to another cab. Screams of your name and 'Look here.' You're ducked into a cab, which speeds back towards the record label.

Paparazzi follow the car until you get on the freeway. When the adrenaline wears off, you realize that you've been tugged into someone's warm lap. You can feel his steady breathing as his chest rises and falls, and the gentle exhales fan the back of your neck. Just by scanning the faces of the three other men in the car's back seat, you deduce that you're sitting on Tom's lap. Although you could have put that together based on his belt buckle.

"Tom, you've got to fix your pants. I'm sitting right on your belt buckle." you try to shift around so that it's not poking you in the ass

"That's not my belt buckle, Schatz." He snickers

"Oh really?" You twist around in the crowded cab and sling your arms on his neck. Your tiny black mini-skirt rides up your thighs, showing off your neon patterned underwear."

"Yeah," He groans into your ear. "And let me tell you something, we could go at it right now."

"Now, in front of your brother. Hey, driver, we are rerouting. Take me to the nearest apartment." Howls envelop the cab, and the five of you are spat out on a curbside near a hotel. You swipe your mom's credit card for the cab and then swipe it again for a room.

You can't keep your hands to yourself in the elevator, and when you get to the hotel, it's over. Tom drags you to a bedroom and locks the door behind the two of you.

~.~

Your publicist nearly faints when he sees the tabloids the following day.

"Young star seen with salacious band Tokio Hotel" and photos of you and the four eating lunch together.

"Rising Rock stars seen holding hands" and the pictures of you and Tom

"Could a relationship between these two rockstars be blossoming?"

Rockstars seen making out in cab

"Young rockstars seen going into a hotel. They're only 16!"

Photo evidence of the five of you walking in downtown Berlin covered these drama blogs. Your mother is fuming when you get home. You're walking on sunshine, though. Freshly deflowered and in love. The following two weeks are a roller coaster, and you spend most of it riding Tom. You've already racked up quite a reputation when you reach the islands.

[deoidesign]

Thinking about vampires, death, life, and the space they occupy in between

[chlo-le-mouton]

Do you see this shit, Snufkin?

I've missed drawing my round boy so much 😭 Despite being in an animation school, we're not doing a lot of animation in first year. But because I had a bit of time and energy tonight, I thought I'll try animating something. I'm so glad I did! I'm a lot quicker and precise now, and it's so nice to have a reminder of why you're working so hard. I love animating so much, I had almost forgetten how happy it makes me!