#but now that i am back to tumblr i wanna change that :>
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Oh boy, I've been the1trueanon for a whiiiile now. Let's see...
Originally, back when I first started writing stuff and posting it on fanfic sites (as a lil teeny baby anon lol), I was going by tringamer360, after my very first OC I ever made (Trinity) and cause I was a dum lil tween who was obsessed with video games, lol. But by the time I finally got a tumblr and a discord (which were entirely set up and run from my best friend's phone while we shared classes, cause I didn't have my own devices to do that from at the time smh), that name had already been taken, I think. So I had to come up with a new one.
Its been a while, but I think that my thought process was something along the lines of liking the "anon" nickname people would call the writers of anonymous asks, plus the keeping of my own anonymity online -- which was very much hammered into me as a kid. "the1true" got tacked on with the thought process that "Anon" would wind up becoming my online nickname, and thus a new internet dumbass was born lmao. It's stuck all these years, so now that's what I go by for all my socials.
I rag on it a bit here but tbh I do still really like it -- it's catchy and rolls off the tongue. And honestly, I've been going by Anon for so long, its practically become an in person nickname for people who know me on- and offline. It even wound up helping me figure out my new choice of name when I decided I wanted to change it as I embraced more and more of my gender-neutrality. The1TrueAnon I am and The1TrueAnon I shall stay :3
Now, I personally already know some of these stories, but I still wanna hear from @marshiemmello, @ariisonfire, @ittybittyriotbean, @whataterriblethingscommasdrawing, @doom-chihuahua-art, @bunnis-stuff, and @theklutsydraconoquus, if any of you guys wanna tell :3
Tag game🎉
Tag your moots and ask them where they got the idea for their tumblr accounts name!
For my name it was a nickname I was giving back in middleschool! One of our teacher had a system where we worked with 'wifi' eachtime we talked in class we lost a bar of the "wifi" (was a weird joke and we never held count on that) All the kids usually joked if they needed 'wifi' , they would borrow mine if they wanted to talk more. (I was incredibly shy in middle school, I only talked to like 3 people at school;^;)
They called me Ms. Wifi because of that. I just thought it would be funny if I put 'miss' instead of 'ms' because of my terrible actual wifi connection I have at home lol.
That's my story! Now moots, only if you guys want to, tell us your story.
Tags-> @slipping-lately @firequeenofficial @noagskryf @twinklstarrrr @halfbakedspuds @polterwasteist @rokushi-san @mygedagtes +anyone that sees this and wants to do this as well
#anon's reblogs#LOOOOREEEE#ANON LOREEEEEE XD#fr my name comes from the ideas of a very dumb child (me) XD#and yknow what? im cool with that :3#good job lil me XD
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happoest birthday to you, tris!!!! may your day be as special and lovely and amazing as you <3
KAT THIS IS SO .... ALL THE VERNONS I'M 🥹💗💕💞💕💕💓 thank you so much <33 i hope you have a good day too
#we never really got to properly interact#but now that i am back to tumblr i wanna change that :>#i'll come up with a tag for you soon !!#asks#boosoonseok#tris day 🧚🏻♀️💗
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LN2 + 3 (+ an oc) doodles!! because im autistic and that’s the only way to tame the silly within me
#it’s NEVER a tea post without hunter LN2 taking up an entire page I AM NORMAL (not true…)#blame the dantdm let’s play video that got me sucked into this hyperfix#also I got a decent idea on how i wanna draw low + alone rn!!#their faces i mean ermmm#once the games out their designs will most likely change tho lol#LN3 isn’t even out yet and i already love these guys sm#i must prepare for some emotional damage tho it’s gonna sneak up on us…#anyway must rest now (goes off tumblr and back onto procreate to draw)#little nightmares#little nightmares 2#little nightmares 3#little nightmares fanart#ln six#ln hunter#ln mono#ln doctor#ln low#ln alone
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i finished thesis, won an award, and have graduated.. hello 👋🥸
#i'm not coming back but :') hello#i forgot i even had tumblr still on my phone djdkdkdkdk#i just opened it for the first time in ??? 5 months or smth i think idk for sure#life is weird :')#remember when i said i wanna drop out every day of my life :') bc i suck at design#welp i won an award for my design thesis :')#jsjdjdkdkdkdj#turns out having friends kinda changes your life 🫂#having friends at school has actually :') made me a happier more normal person lol#i haven't been miserable?? i haven't wanted to kms ... i have been so happy and yes school was shitty but i wanted to go and try hard bc#my friends motivated me to stay and try and that's crazy :') idk#felt really loved and like i belonged somewhere for the first time in my life 🫨 like woah ppl like me and wanna be my friend? me??#:') i'm really happy... isn't that weird#i used to want to kms every other day hsjdndkdkdks lol 😭#now i'm like 😭 every day i look forward to waking up bc i'm happy and i have ppl who love me and i wanna see them again and i wanna spend#time with them again and play games with them again :')#literally stayed up till ??? 4 am yesterday talking to one of them like#😭#god jm djjdkdkdkd idk :')#my life is good...#???? IM NOT MISERABLE IDK GUYS#wild af#even winning the award was such a shock like 🥲 damn . who ? me?#ppl from like :') this big design thing in toronto we're praising it too like djdjdodjdkdj#:') it's kinda crazy.. i was super !#man.. i cant believe how 5 months ago i was gonna kms 🥸👆 and now i'm like erm actually maybe we do need to live#:') anyway#i hope ppl on here are doing good 🫨🔨#it is sad to not be here as much but also 👋😌 i'm happy to be free at the same time so ✨
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lil hiatus away
#trump winning hit hard#harder than I thought because I didn’t think he’d win#we all met up the next day and had depression strolls#lots of vents and talks and anger#window shopped and actually shopped#looked at expensive guitars and little hamsters find fun in every place we go#we all made food with/for my niece and talked at my table for hours#played among us like old times till 1 am#got emotionally rejuvenated by the ocean#had plans with a friend that fell through so another time maybe or not idc anymore hahah she’s persistent though#I’m kinda over everything!#this 4:30 sunset always gets me bad for a while#on top of heavy world changes too like do that shit in summer#my dads friend Chris is visiting and that always makes me happy#I heard them cracking up watching South Park in his room last night was the cutest shit#reminded me of old times I miss living in Boston that whole era#wish we could have a redo#or even when he lived here with us after#maybe he'll move back this way someday#or go up that way since won’t ever be able to afford a house where I wanna live#or get out of the country all together#hiatus away was nice especially from Instagram and fb they're horrible places right now#unfollowing and unfriending everyone rn idc who u are#and honestly idky I still even have tumblr now I ask myself that a lot#more and more lately#have a good day#and take care of yourselves
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url change !
it’s the end of an era besties (talking to the void) i finally did it
rest in peace to-kill-a-moshing-bird 2013(ish)-2023 🫡🫡🫡
sorry ocd hoarder tendencies i want a url that i actually like instead of a dumb pun i made at approx. age 12 abt a book i wasn’t even that into :p forever in my heart tho she treated me very well over the years <3
#i wanna be active ish on tumblr again but i rlly didn’t like my url and i’ve been too lazy and stubborn to change it until now#so here we are ! a fresh new era !#i am of course saving my old url on a burner account even tho i know i'll never use it again bc my brain is hellish like that <3#idk if anyone from back in the day is still here but#i just like cataloguing my silly little interests and i don't wanna be embarrassed by my decade old url anymore !#h tumblr era 2.0#actually kinda 3.0 but whatever#i’m gonna update my ao3 too so i can post fics again (motivation withstanding) but i’m tired and that feels higher stakes#so i’m not gonna deal rn#but soon#ok anyway new url yay goodnight !#(his ass is NOT going to sleep)
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well em alreatdy knows this but 2days good thing was tht i started looking 4 tattoo shops in my area … cuz of legal stuff ill probably get my tat in like may which is l8r thn i wanted but i think ive narrowed down mg options 2 a couple shops in my cty tht r women owned n run n i rhink i wanna get a tat from a female artist 4 my first one ! but i feel good abt this i feel excited:)
#2day’s challenge was the art project we started 2day…all sharpie peice :\ n one part of it has 2 b an observation drawing which i am soooo#soooooo bad at 💔💔 been slacking at my drawing rlly badly 4 the past couple years n i dont know why:(#okay thts not true im like 90% its the hashtag grief cuz its the same way abt literally all of my hobbies . lol!#ill get back into yhe groove i just have 2 start picking stuff ip n doing it#maybe i log out 4 a while … i dont think i was meant 2 b online like ever i think im meant 2 b some weird obnoxious girl u meet randomly n#r 4ever changed or something. like im more of an experience thn a person … like im not a person im a performance art piece#okay ykwht bye 4 now tumblr i love u all very deeply but i need OUT!#xoxo#queue going etc lots of love 2 each n everyone of u all <33 if u wanna contact me email is lv.mrcry.slghtr @ gmail dot com#or stoner barbie 1232 on discord#okay bye bye 4 real i do love u very mych
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:O
#aaaaaaaahhh i missed sm on tumblr i just quickly checked some blogs and it made me sad and happy at the same time#but i rly gotta focus on studying for my exams ugh. even tho i was away on the weekend w some of my friends lol. it was so fun#i haven't had sleepovers w friends since i went to highschool which is over a decade ago#it was so good and fun even tho i didn't get a lot of sleep. but i caught up on sleep on the days since and yesterday and today ive been#feeling p energized c: today i. registered? or maybe declared is a more fitting word. that i wanna change my name and gender marker#and now i have to wait until the end of the year to actually change them. but it's in motion!#i also made an appointment for a chest ultrasound so now i just need a psychiatrist to be able to get top surgery w the surgeon i picked#i recently had a job interview for a student job as a mentor! it won't pay a lot but a bit money is more than nothing#and i enjoy being a mentor so i hope ill get the job. haven't heard back yet#also i found out that all the fellow students that i have become friends w are queer. i am friends w almost all my fellow students that#are queer except w one person. it's funny bc when we all started becoming friends we didn't know that the others were queer.#well i outed myself in front of professors and the class multiple times bc I didn't pass back then so it was obvious that im queer#but i didn't know abt the others. we all just gravitated to each other which is nice. one of them isn't even out to family or friends#at home and another one told me I'm the first person they've come out to so i feel p honored that we can be open and ourselves w each other#we watched so many queer movies and shows on the weekend i loved it#i never would've thought i'd come this far. look at me being mostly mental-illness-free medically transitioning and having a social life#being more comfortable w myself than ever#now i just gotta get a nice degree and a well paying fun job (i've had a shitty fun job before) and tackle all those medical issues i have#like exhaustion. but one step at at a time. i truly feel so good rn!! :D hope you guys are doing good as well#personal log stardate
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*screams into the void*
I’M BACK BITCHES
#aaaaannndd i’m moving blogs lmao#i really missed tumblr and didnt use it much last year cuz my phone is old as shit and cant handle having more than a few apps at once#but i was able to redownload it today so yay#but my blog is kinda old now and i’m v bored with it and i’ve changed a lot and want my blog to reflect who i am now#and i follow wayyyyy too many people on here and dont even see their posts so i wanna downsize and yadda yadda yadda#anyway when i move i will post about it#currently still running this blog and cleaning it up cuz i’m not gonna delete it? maybe? idk yet#but either way i gotta like pick who im still following and stuff and make my new blog so it’ll take a minute#but hello i’m glad to be back
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ok. how does one start a rp blog thing
#all those posts about like don't use charavter ai rp with a buddy! i would love to no joke! where do i start.#like i do do stuff when i can with a handful of friends but#that's on a different platform with people i'm comfortable with#trying to look at how people do it on tumblr feels so formal in comparison#and maybe the like complicated muse list cards and whatever will seem more doable once i have my laptop later this week#but they sure don't now#i know it's not like. really necessary or whatever. i could just cast a wide net and see what i get back#but then i have no idea how to do that either#i dunno. am i being picky? am i having a poor time adjusting to change? maybe#whole new ecosystem i am trying to dip my toes into#and all i wanna do is find someone to grab like a spiderman action figure so we can play battles together or something lmao#where else do you go for this stuff. uh discord is like#equally formal#plus it's all in servers with like One person can muse this guy in this server#which i get but all of the guys i like are always taken 😔#are there any other spots? how does this work.#how do i go about making friends is really the crux of this issue#me not really understanding the script/descript/novella descriptors for replies is only a small facet yknow#anyway.#rp#i need a new talk tag
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HOW I MANIFESTED MY DREAM LIFE IN A WEEK
BACKSTORY
So I decided to fully immerse myself in "persisting" and fulfilling when I listened to Lonely one by LOVA because I spent around an hour just sobbing because I related to the song.
the week that I started was around Easter break and I was under the most amount of stress I have ever been through and I could see it the effects on my body
I was breaking out with huge pimples even though I was on accutane, I was averaging 2 hours of sleep a day every week for 2 weeks, my period had going on for 2 weeks, I was losing weight rapidly (was under 35kg:( ) my anxiety was at an all time high because I got harassed again(sexual assault victim). I used to have severe depression and have had multiple failed attempts of suicide. AND YES I WAS DESPERATE AS FUCK TO MANIFEST THIS DREAM LIFE OF MINE WHICH IS NO LONGER A DREAM
in the mornings I would be super anxious but I learned how to deal with it and get myself into the state super easily
HOW I DID IT
I GOT OFF TUMBLR: you know how many times I doubted myself only to realise I was doing everything right
I also read and listened to Edward Art MULTIPLE TIMES
Within a week of fulfilling and persisting, I had manifested my dream life. just like that. I woke up one morning and everything I had ever desired was right there. and it was super easy.
all I did was affirm(to remind not to get), visualise and feel. I would only do these methods if I wanted to, if I didn't I wouldn't.
Within a few days, the anxiety lessened so much and it started to feel natural.
this was a question on Bambi's " how I manifested with hard circumstances " post which has now been sadly deleted but I remember copying this because it gave me hope at the time I copied it (don't hope, just know)
"But isn’t ranting “not letting the old story die out?” you and i could rant until our minds are cleared, just as long as you flip my thoughts, you are on the right track. I rant for 2% of my 24 hour days. The other 98% i was persisting in the fact that creation was done. as “time” went on, it began to feel more natural and I felt more at ease. I held onto that feeling because I knew this was when I would get my desires and I did."
and that was when I knew I shouldn't give up and I just kept going even when I wanted myself to just get on tumblr and overconsume
I actually nearly decided to see what I was "doing wrong". I clicked on one of Aphrodite's posts but I didn't read it. I just asked myself if I would look through it if I had my desires and I wouldn't and since I already have all of my desires I didn't.
Whenever the anxiety was too strong and I could feel the frustration and desperation building up, I would just rant and it helped me calm down and get back into the state super easily.
why?
because STATES MANIFEST THOUGHTS DON'T
which is why you can rant.
you know how many FUCKING DOUBTS I had, but I didn't even give them attention coz they didn't deserve any and how many times I wanted to just give up, but I was like NO, STFU, I DON'T WANNA LIVE MISERABLY ANYMORE and now I'm not :)
The affirmations I used:
It is done
I am living my dream life
I am in my desired reality
The 3d will conform as long as i keep persisting
Imagination is the real reality
I also daydreamed, but since imagination is the real reality they were real
WHAT I MANIFESTED
- desired appearance
- name change
- family change
- skills (drivers licence etc)
- apartment and furniture
- wealth
- a bunch of random materialistic things
- desired friend group (I absolutely love them!)
- desired uni and always getting good grades
- outfits from pinterest
and a bunch of other things
- I also ended up manifesting an sp without even knowing and he's pretty much I everything I scripted him to be(scripted a year ago because I didn't really care for a relationship) but this happened before I manifested my dream life
after a year and half of being on loablr I finally manifested my dream life. and you can too
(there was probably over 100 things I wanted but I realised what I want is not much, nothing ever is when you know about loa and yes, i was super desperate)
you don't need anymore information other than @angelsinluv states post and fulfillment challenge
you shouldn't ever be stressed or worried while manifesting whatever you want, because you wouldn't stress if you had it
TAKE YOUR TIME
YOU GOT THIS
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😭😭😭 I ENTERED THE VOID STATE AND IT'S LITERALLY CHANGED MY WHOLE VOCAL CORDS!!! Like, WHOA. 😱 You guys don't even understand. Before all of this, I was a mess. Lemme tell you the full tea.
So like, I used to cry at night, scrolling through Tumblr, seeing everyone else manifesting their dream lives while I was stuck in the same old cycle. 😩 You KNOW the feeling! I even DELETED my Tumblr at one point because I was SO sick of seeing everyone else actually living their dreams, but then I would redownload it like the next day because I couldn't resist!! And then...the whole studying-for-exams thing? LOL don't even get me started. Like, I'd be like "I'll just enter the void state before my exams and manifest straight A's or whatever" (spoiler alert: I didn't.) I'm never really failed any subjects. At least not badly😬
I was starting to get frustrated, right? So then, one day, I was like OKAY, FINE. TIME TO ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING. And that's when I started SATS (State Akin To Sleep). It sounded crazy at first, but honestly, I was down to try anything! (Even while coping with my MADD. Yes I'm one of them. No I'm never getting rid of it.) So I started visualizing my dream life, and LET ME TELL YOU, I GOT SO DETAILED. I was in Velaris with Rhysand (I'm an ACOTAR fan), feeling his WINGS!!! I was literally touching them and just imagining how amazing it would feel to be surrounded by magic and beauty. And I wasn't even thinking about entering the void or anything. I was just feeling the vibezzz. Like, I know that it felt real, and that's what mattered.
Fast forward to a month and 3 weeks of doing SATS (Yes, I skipped some days, but WHO CARES? 😤). And guess what happened? I woke up today, and BOOM! I was in the void! Like, I didn’t even need to know how it happened, it just DID. I just said "Anything i say comes true exactly the way I want it." I said it over and over and over. Until I decided it was enough. Then I thought of leaving, and I was back in my room. Thank goodness I didn't think of leaving when I first entered, because this was literally like a lifetime opportunity I couldn't screw it up.
I actually had to safeguard myself, by saying "I am not impulsive". And the urge to say nonsense just disappeared ✨ That was the first thing I said when I woke up. So I wouldn't say any crazy shit. And so I was sitting there, ready to just start manifesting everything I ever wanted. I even started writing my script. maybe that was just an adrenaline rush.
But here’s the thing...GUYS, NOW THAT I’M HERE....in my room with this "ability"...I’m actually kinda missing my old self. Not the sad, desperate me, but the me who was SUPER EXCITED about just wandering around Velaris at night and dreaming of all this happening. Like, I actually miss that excitement. Looking through Pinterest and seeing the interior of a mansion, and be like "I'll be there soon", seeing pics of tasty food on instagram and saying "I'll eat that soon" I know it sounds crazy, but when you finally get everything you thought you wanted, it’s like...IDK...a little too perfect? 😬
Like, I know this sounds wild— and weird, but it’s TRUE. It's true for me right now. I'm gonna be blunt. The success story is not as exciting when you’re like actually living it, you know? Or maybe it's just me. Like, I’m just over here typing this at 4 AM, feeling kinda melancholic. And kinda (scared). Yes, I wanna enjoy my desires, but... I don't know. I don't want to get too curious and stray from Velaris trying to find out the secret behind ALL of this. For goodness sake, this is crazy!!! My voice is a genie!. It's already bugging me now. I know, I KNOW, this is probably not what you expected from a success story, but I’m being REAL.
I’ve written like 3 pages of my script so far, and I’m just gonna finish it tomorrow. No rush. Because honestly? Rhysand’s not going anywhere. 😉
And YOU can do this too. I know some of you might feel like “Oh, it’s impossible, I keep failing!” but like, just take a second and realize YOU'RE ALREADY GETTING CLOSER THAN YOU THINK. I was stuck too, and look where I am now. Don't look at the part where— I'm kinda ungrateful. But the part where I'm finally gonna meet Rhysand. YOU’RE SO CLOSE. It’s all coming together, trust me! 💖✨
But yeah, it’s 4 AM, I’m gonna go back to bed now, lol. Don’t let the void stress you out, okay? Take it easy. You’ve got this. ✨✌🏼
Also, love you kiwiii💖💖💖💖
SUCCESS STORY
XOXO | GOSSIP GIRL | XOXO | GOSSIP GIRL | XOXO | GOSSIP GRL
First of all, I’m so happy for you and proud of you. You really put your foot down and gave yourself what you wanted.
I can understand what you mean when you say the success story isn’t exciting when you’re actually living it. But when it’s right in-front of you, it doesn’t feel like this out of reach thing you’ve put on a pedestal anymore. It’s just yours. And it feels normal.
But for some people, I think a big part of that came from the dopamine rush people would feel when they’d tell themselves that they’ll have it one day. And when they have it in the 3D, they just feel peaceful with it because there’s nothing to “chase” anymore.
I agree with most of what you said apart from “you’re so close”. With the law of assumption there is no process. You ARE the void. Anyway enjoy having your desires. I’m really happy for you!!😭 Love you too beautiful ♥️
#void state#void#law of assumption#loa tumblr#loassumption#loa blog#loablr#manifestation#loa#the void state#loa manifestation#void state success stories#void success story#loa success story#void success stories#void state success story
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Bad News Pt. 2
Pairing: Terry Richmond x Plus Size Fem Black!OC "Bella"
Wordcount: +1.4K
Warnings: MDNI (18+) mature content, such as cursing, no smut, heavily dialogue-centered, mental health mentioned (anxiety), *emotional distress*, angst, heartbreak, chronic illnesses mentioned, health conditions mentioned (c*ncer, PCOS, endometriosis), infertility, slight verbal ab*se
A/N¹: Remember, I just got back into writing. I'm open to critiques, but I am a little 🤏🏽 sensitive about my writing. Please, don't be too harsh.🥺 Feel free to bring my attention to any typos. Divider by @firefly-graphics. Also, this work is not to be plagiarized or reposted (on any site other than here on Tumblr). I do NOT give consent for any form of republishing or rewriting.
A/N²: I am not a medical doctor. Please, forgive me if my knowledge of any of the mentioned medical conditions is incorrect.
Bad News Pt. 1=> 😢
Walking into the room, my heart was crushed even further. All of the feelings I wish I could explain; I couldn't. Terry and his bags were gone. I hadn't even heard him leave. He didn't even care enough to at least say goodbye. After all these years, I wasn't worth a goodbye. Two seconds just solidified that this relationship wasn't worth any more of my energy.
I couldn't understand it. How did we get here? Had he always been like this? Was I that blind? I guess I was so busy trying to find love that I forgot the most important rule— love wasn't supposed to hurt. Then again, every version of love I've experienced was painful, manipulative, abusive, and damaging. So, maybe I found what I was familiar with. I mean, why else would I be so comfortable putting up with this?
But, what do I do now?
*2 hours later
The room was covered in crumpled and torn pieces of notebook paper. I have tried and tried to write this letter. My hands were stiff, and my head was throbbing. I just wanted him to know how I felt because my mind was already made up. I'm done, and this is over.
If he would've just listened, we wouldn't be in this predicament. If he hadn't said those words, there would still be hope in my eyes and love in my heart.
Better yet, fuck this and fuck him. He doesn't deserve a letter. This doesn't concern him anymore. I've already changed my flight for tomorrow morning. I leave on the first flight out. Since I no longer have anything to say to him, there is no need to wait. I can return to the West Coast and be at home with my Godmother and Godsister when I receive the news.
*The next day
“I will never like flying’. I don't care!” I said stepping out of the bathroom after showering. I was dressed in a pair of sweats and a plain black T-shirt. I had wrapped a scarf around my head to protect my hair during my shower.
My Godsister, Shante, was waiting for me. She was relaxed on the bed with her back against the headboard. Her satin black bonnet and black fluffy robe made her look so much like her grandmother. “What?” she asked turning her head towards me. “You look like Nana Elsie!” I laughed into my hand. “Shut up!” she said slinging one of the pillows at me.
I walked to the bed and sat on the edge closest to me. I was tired. I knew why she was in here. She wanted to make sure I was okay. Honestly, I wasn't. My life was shit right now. Leaving Terry was just another stab to the heart. All I could do was pray to God that I didn't lose anymore. I couldn't possibly see myself being any lower than this.
“You wanna talk?” Shante asked rolling on her side facing my back. “Not really, I just wanna wait until they call,” I said solemnly. My shoulders were beginning to feel heavy again. I didn't want to think about what the doctor would say. I already knew this day was coming.
After years of medical neglect and misdiagnoses, I was finally given a proper diagnosis of both endometriosis and PCOS. I had been ignored for years when I complained of a forever-growing mountain of signs that something was wrong. I was told to “lose weight” to alleviate my symptoms. When I lost the weight, nothing changed. Some symptoms even seemed to get worse.
I had grown tired of all the referrals and guesses. I had explained to my original primary care physician years ago that I suspected that I had PCOS. It was dismissed as anxiety and medical hysteria. I tried again with three other physicians to be met with the same fate— try to lose weight, take this metformin, exercise daily, change your diet, etc.
This could have been treated years ago if someone would have just listened.
*3 hours later
I was in the kitchen eating when my cell phone rang. I picked it up thinking it was the call I had been dreading. I was eager to get this over with. Just say it, and let's move on.
“Hello, this is Bella,” I mumbled into the phone. I was on the edge again. Trying my hardest to breathe and stay calm. “Bell, where are you?” asked Terry. “Terry?” I asked pulling the phone away from my ear and looking at it. Fuck! Why didn't I look before answering? Why didn't I block him?
“Bella, I'm s—,” he started to speak before I interrupted him. “Save it. I… I don't care anymore,” I said through tears. “Bells, I was—,” he started again. “No,” I said sobbing into the phone. “Could you just—!” he yelled into the phone. That was it. I didn't have to deal with this. I hung up the phone and laid it on the table in front of me.
Pushing the plate away, I laid across my arms crying with my head down. My Godmother and Godsister were both gone to work. That left me alone once again with my emotions— all of them.
ring ring ring
Not again. I picked up the phone in anger. “I don't want to talk to you!” I screamed into the phone. “Isabella? It's Dr. Moore. We need to speak about scheduling your surgery immediately,” he said in a startled tone. “I'm sorry, Dr. Moore. I'm having a…,” I said taking a deep breath. “I can call back if—,” he said. “No!” I blurted out. “Sorry. Please, tell me now,” I whimpered. I was flying between emotions faster than my body could manage.
“Well, honey. I'm sorry to bring you such bad news at this time, but we're going to need to remove your left ovary. The cysts were quite large, and… Unfortunately, the biopsy indicated they were cancerous. The safest option is to remove the affected ovary and all endometriosis deposits. Later on, we can discuss any further changes,” he said. “Changes?” I questioned while sniffling. “If it progresses any further, we may have to perform a hysterectomy.” Dr. Moore continued to talk, but I had dissociated from the conversation. This was it.
My mind was overflowing with questions. Will I be able to have kids? Would this even get rid of the cancer? If it did, would it come back? Would life ever be normal for me?
I don't know. I'll probably never know.
*Later in the day
ring ring ring
Hours had passed since the call ended. I didn't want to talk. I didn't want to move. I didn't want to think. I had planned my whole life around me and Terry's relationship— kids, a house, a minivan, a dog, all of it. Now, everything was gone. Maybe my mother was right, I am cursed.
ring ring ring
“Who is it?” I sobbed into the phone. “It's me, Bella. Baby, can you please just listen to me?” Terry pleaded over the phone. “Why, huh? What’s there to listen to? You said everything you needed to say,” I yelled. All of my feelings were being overshadowed by my anger.
“I didn't mean it, Bella. That wasn't supposed to happen. I love you. You know that!” Terry yelled. “I don't know that, Terry. If you loved me, you wouldn't have said it. You meant it with all your fucking heart. You stood on it when you left without saying a word. No goodbye. No sorry. Nothing. That's not love,” I blurted out. I was beyond tired of holding my tongue. “Stop being so fuckin' childish right now and use your brain. You're always so damn emoti—,” he said cutting himself off. “Nah, say it! I'm too fucking emotional, huh? Ain't that right, Terry?” I screamed again. Tears were streaming down my face falling onto the kitchen table.
“I’m always sick, and… and I'm… I'm always emotional. That's what you… that's what you said, right? THEN, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU WITH ME?!” I screamed as loud as I could. I threw the phone across the room. It hit the wall and shattered. Good. No more phone calls. No more doctors. No more — Terry.
Taglist: @avoidthings @brattyfics @slutsareteacherstoo @pocketsizedpanther
@nahimjustfeelingit-writes @blowmymbackout @5headsupremacist @creartivefairy
@insidefeelingofanadult @revealingco @keyaho @jimmybutlrr @gg-trini
@nayaxwrites @miyuhpapayuh @poektiou624 @gwenda-fav @nayaesworld
@ittsstephanieee @beenathembo @blyffe @thegreatlibraryofalex @persethegawd
#thee reina writes#terry richmond#terry richmond x reader#terry richmond x oc#terry richmond x black reader#terry richmond x black oc#terry richmond x black!reader#terry richmond x black!oc#terry richmond angst#terry richmond x black female reader#terry richmond x black female oc#x black reader#x black fem reader#x black plus size reader#x black oc#terry richmond fanfiction#terry richmond fic#plus size reader#plus size oc#aaron pierre#aaron pierre fanfic#aaron pierre fic#black female reader#black female oc#terry x plus size reader#terry richmond x plus size oc#plus size black reader#plus size black oc#black!reader#black!fem!reader
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Hi, I know its been a minute n I don't really like that there is like one or two posts between this n my last 'i'm still alive' post. I'm sorry. I wanted to say thank you to everyone in general, but also the mfs who said some nice ass shit to me. Sorry I said some concernin ass shit n just dipped, that was pretty fucked. I never really had people care like all the people on here, so I ain't too used to havin to be more careful with the shit I do n say.
Thank you to everyone for the kind words, concern, n care. Comin back to see all of it made my fuckin heart melt. I know I'm just some dumbass postin south park shit on tumblr, but you guys are genuinely the most amazin mfs I've ever encountered. To the people who were in my inbox askin if I was still alive, I sincerely apologize for causin any stress or concern, it's not my intention. You guys are the sweetest people, and I'm sorry for doin that. I should prolly stop bein as vocal about bein so fucked, but I also like to be honest n I like sharin this shit bcuz I know mfs be goin through the same shit n bein alone in it feels fuckin awful majority of the time.
I am not well. I am doin very bad actually. There's a chance imma be forcefully medicated in the near future. Which is weird bcuz I used to always want that, I wanted to be fixed, but now I'm not sure for like a TON of reasons. One, ion wanna be changed (in a sense). If the meds take away or dull core aspects of myself, I will lose it further than I have already. Two, my parents raised me to never trust doctors or medicine, etc. Even though I do think modern medicine is a great thing, I still have my fears bcuz of how I was raised. Three, I fear the fuck outta what I will do. I know they warn that adjustment periods n shit like that can make things worse- but I literally cannot get any worse. If I do, I know I will not come out alive. Which bleeds into reason four, which is that I know, at some point, I would try n overdose. Handin me such a quick n thoughtless way to just end it is like the worst fuckin thing they could do. But whatever. Ion even know when it's gonna happen, all I know is that ion got a choice. Like, I'm pretty sure it's a situation that, if I don't comply, imma be locked tf up.
Uhh minor update shit- my cat came back home after almost a month of bein fuckin somewhere. She came back skinny, dirty, n sick, but she is slowly recoverin n I've never been more thankful. ED is still kickin my ass, but I'm forcin myself to at least have a fuckin soup I made bcuz I can't get shit done at work if I keep faintin or gettin injured. I have little to no time to do shitfuck, but still do random shit periodically before or after work. I actually redid my dresser n made some stupid ass video about the handles that I might post to youtube if I quit bein a pussy about it.
I haven't been drawin my fanart as of late- but I do want to. Imma focus on doin the requests I have bcuz I wanna give back the best I can. You guys stick with me through thick n thin. I thank you all so much. I'm sorry I'm always MIA. So my posts for a little bit are gonna be the requests n answerin all of my inbox. Ion know how long it'll take, but hopefully it won't get borin. I genuinely love makin things. I love drawin the shit I do n people findin some sort of connection to their lives or themselves. I just want people to feel less alone, less ugly, less whatever the fuck you feel. Each n every one of ya is fuckin amazin, so please don't forget it.
Imma stfu now. But I hope you guys have a good rest of your day or night or eternity. I'll be back to postin shortly, thank you for stickin with this shit show
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My Manifesting Success Stories
Dearest Gentle Reader.
I am here with another inspired post! Now what am I talking about? I don't post everyday and force myself to create content because I find that when I do that, it's missing something. They tend to end up being mediocre (not like I can't write up something but I don't wanna force myself to post something when I don't feel like it or when I'm not inspired) so I wanted to only post when I'm inspired and excited to write something that will help someone like right this moment!
I like to write when I'm inspired and my posts all end up becoming the best when I do it that way.
I'm writing this up not only because it will help and inspire you all but I also wanted to record and keep track of my every or most of my success stories so I can remember how powerful I am! How amazing I am and how I'm a master at manifesting! Sometimes you just need to remind yourself what you've accomplished to feel proud and to end doubts. It's also great to keep records of it for my own amusement. I will make another post for my next ones.
Let's just get right through with it! These are all my real success stories but it is really a fact that whatever you want is meant for you. I hope this helps inspire everyone or at least have fun reading!
Note: All I did to manifest these are literally just affirming/deciding and commanding my subconscious like a boss or a queen. I have a new post that I wrote about that, check it out here. I also left the 3d alone and assigned good meanings to it. I persisted and stood firm in my decisions. I only affirmed/decided naturally, casually and in a boss/queen way for a few times. I really mean like about 4-5 times during the day or whenever I thought of it. The most I did was probably just 7 or 8 times. Again, You can read more about my favorite signature method here.
This is what I usually affirmed or said in my mind to manifest. I just decide and command my subconscious mind and my reality like a boss. Like it's my employee. My words are law.
Example: Food
"I'm deciding that Mom's gonna cook this dish. Subconscious mind, I command you to make that happen. Get me this food. I'm not changing my decision ever, It is already done. It's a fact."
I embodied Hong Haein from Queen of Tears and Blair Waldorf from Gossip Girl when I affirmed or decided. Think how Hong Haein orders everyone in her department store. She's the boss and what she says, goes. Think how Blair Waldorf commands her minions. That's how you need to do it, stand firm on your decision and persist. Only do it if it resonates with you but this is what helped me to persist so I know this will be really helpful to everyone. I used to easily give up and wavering like a freaking ocean. I became a master at manifesting because of that mindset change. Your desires are meant for you. You already have it in the 4d as soon as you want it. It will materialize in the 3d but that is just a bonus or a cherry on top because it's already a fact even before it did.
1. My parents coming home with my desired food or snack. 🍟
I manifested tons of things this way. I manifested my favorite orange juice, McDonald's fries, a snack that I'm craving and more. I just affirmed a few times. Not even more than 10 times and persisted. Sometimes it's commanding my subconscious mind. The time when I started to learn about the law of assumption, I wavered and gave up too early but now it's very easy for me to do.
So there was a time when I was craving for a specific orange juice that is my favorite but my parents don't know which brand. They know that I like orange juice but not down to the brand. I was sitting on my bed and I was trying commanding my subconscious after reading a post about that here on Tumblr.
I said: "Subconscious mind, I command you to get me some Minute maid orange juice. It's my favorite orange juice. Thanks." That's all then when my dad came back, guess what he placed on the floor? A WHOLE ASS BOX OF MY FAVORITE ORANGE JUICE!!! I only commanded my subconscious and trusted it! I only did that once! This is still one of my favorite success stories.
2. No soda diet no more! 🥤
Okay so my mom wanted us to stop drinking coke and instead drink water. I get it, water is good for you. I do like water but I miss the fizz and flavor of coke. It's refreshing! I also have a placebo for that. Drinking coke will make me and my loved ones perfectly healthy. I know it doesn't make sense but that's a placebo! Most of them don't make sense or sound crazy but it is what you think it is. If you think it works then it works.
I only affirmed whenever I thought of it. Again, not even that much.
"No, mom will start buying coke again and that never happened. We're gonna be able to drink it again."
I kind of compromised and decided on Sprite because I like it as well and it's kind of healthier than coke so I affirmed:
"Mom is gonna come home with a big bottle of Sprite. It's done."
Then low and behold, Mom comes back from the store and guess what she came home with? YES! A bottle of Sprite! This is definitely a success story because we were gonna stop drinking coke. If Mom wanted some coke, even just a small bottle, she can get it. And yet she came home with Sprite instead just like how I wanted.
3. Manifesting my Kpop Idol boyfriend 💕
Now this is a big manifestation! This is actually an SP one. Yes, he is a popular idol but for our privacy, I shall keep it strictly vague.
This is what I mean that you literally can manifest anything you want in the world. Anything you want. Whether that's a fictional character, a superpower, an ability from anime (I'll tell you about it in a sec), shifting, a unicorn and whatever floats your boat! You can do it! If you want it, it is meant for you and you already have it in the 4d. Your subconscious mind knows what you want and instantly manifests that in the 4d then the 3d naturally.
I wanted Mukoda from Campfire Cooking in Another World with Absurd Skill's online grocery ability. Instead of just grocery though, it has everything that's available out there in the market. It's all free for me and my fingerprint is enough payment. Why? Because my existence alone is a valid reason to get everything I want. Everything we want is meant for us anyway. I wanted it to have an appearance change section, a profile section where I could change everything about me and my loved ones (mostly for full health purposes) and it has a section for food, drinks, snacks, desserts, skincare, makeup, hair stuff and the list goes on. I also wanted a feature where I could change the country. I could buy anything from anywhere! Imagine getting fresh macarons or clothes from Paris instantly! You could say this is in the process but for me I already have it in the 4d and it's already done.
I saw him for the first time on a video and it was love at first sight. He felt so familiar and like I already know him so well even though I've only seen him a few times. When I look at him, he makes me feel so calm, comfortable and at home. I feel so connected to him. It always feels like our hearts are magnets. I just feel so drawn to him. That's how I felt when I was seeing and watching him in the past. Literally when I first got into his group, that's what I said about him. I then find out years later than he's my soulmate. Tadah! 😱🎉❤️ I could have manifested that too or not. Now, I see his name everywhere, so many similarities and we tend to mirror each other a lot. I see his promotional poster ads with his group a lot at our local malls for a brand they are working with. We are both open to sharing our feelings to each other and we have literally cried/got emotional just because we had eye contact. We love each other so much that things like that happen almost daily. I get song messages from his higher self as soon as I wake up. This does not happen everyday though. It's usually songs that I don't listen to much and songs that are not ones that I always sing in my head. I get them as soon as I wake up or go to the bathroom. Just felt like giving you guys some basic information.
I followed Hyler's advice from one of her older videos and just assumed that he's my boyfriend and it's already done. Whenever I watched his videos, I assumed he was my boyfriend and thought like I'm his girlfriend. I aligned my thoughts to being his girlfriend. Fast forward to now, we are happily dating. He's always doing things on a live or a music show for me. It's our secret signals. It's basically gestures that means he knows I'm watching. He does whatever gestures he knows I like. A specific heart pose, a specific gesture about us or pointing at the camera (not the normal one. He's doing it with intention. He has a specific facial expression when he does it. It's like he's saying "This is for you. I know you're watching, love"
It's either something I asked him to do or we both decided on it. It's always obvious when he does it. All I did was change my thoughts to align with the reality I wanted to be in and it's done! He has written lyrics about me as well. He's always in my dreams especially when it's a scary one. He appears at the end of it as if he's making me forget about that and making me remember just him. He's constantly in my dreams though, again usually by the end of it so I tend to remember him more than other things because of that! His members know about me and always just hand him the phone or Ipad, whatever they were using to read comments, whenever they first see my comments and it's just the cutest thing ever. He sometimes slips up when it comes to saying goodbye. They were doing a special holiday live once. When they were saying goodbye and ending the live, instead of greeting the fans with the exact greeting for that holiday, he ended up saying "I love you". It's a different way of saying that but I wanna keep it vague for my privacy. It's the way we usually say I love you to each other so it's special. He also posts pictures with the exact emoji that sounds exactly like my name. The emoji is how you pronounce it but it's spelled a different way. Like 🍒 or 🍎 or 🌹. There are people in the world who are named Cherry, Apple or Rose.
Anyway, I love him so I ended up going on a tangent! You can manifest anyone you want to be your boyfriend whether they're fictional, look like a character you like or a boyfriend who's the carbon copy of an idol you like or your favorite member. Mine is the real one so now you know, you're powerful as f*ck and can get whatever you want. Your desires are meant to be yours and I hope that this is a good example or a proof of that. This is me re-reading to check for spelling mistakes: 😭🥰🤭
4. Manifesting being featured in Subliminal Amino ⭐
I posted my new manifesting success stories here and also on Amino. Now, not everyone can get featured. You only get featured when your blog is approved and if it's good and helpful.
All I did was my signature techniques but it's really as simple as this: "Oh My God! I got featured! Thank you!"
That's it. That was my affirmation and I only did it once or twice. I decided that it's final that I got featured. I said it like a boss. I'm getting featured because I said so. It's already done.
Did I check the 3d and dig up the seeds I planted? No! I didn't care about it, I didn't check because again, I decided I have it so I do. I looked at people liking my post but that was all. I played some games, cleaned the pee of one of our puppies on the floor and just did fun stuff on my phone. I went back to Amino to see the notifs I got. One notification says "featured!" And it was from an admin! They also replied to me and told me that I am really the star of my reality. I literally did other things for a few minutes then I got featured!
5. I manifested not getting any side effects from the vaccine and the jab being quick and painless 💉
I came with my mom to get the vaccine. I was kind of fidgety and nervous, and would rather be at home at that moment. I used to be scared of injections but I manifested some courage for myself and it being done fast and painless. I felt like a superhero or a powerful person when any of the injections I had were done. I was smiling proudly at my family. This was not the vaccine I'm talking about, it's when I got sick. It was really cold at that time and I got pneumonia.
I manifested four things in one go. Me not getting any side effects I heard that people were having. The vaccine is done fast and painless, the long ass line going faster and faster. Closer and closer to where we receive the vaccine. Lastly, my mom is allowed to accompany me. I was scared so I needed some support from Mom. These are what I affirmed naturally as we were in the line:
"The line is going faster! It will be finished in a jiffy (My favorite Nancy Drew movie word 😇)!
"It's gonna be painless and I will absolutely not have any side effects!"
I also did a thing where I walked like a model and assumed that I have my ideal face, ideal hair and ideal body! I kinda visualized it a little bit! We had to do two doses like everyone and both were done fast and were completely painless for me. I compared it to an ant bite. Just a slight pinch.
6. I manifested to look like Tzuyu from Twice
The only thing I did to manifest this was to listen to subliminals and started thinking that I look like her. People in Amino have always said that I look like Tzuyu (after using the subs) and here's some proof of that.
7. A Unicorn 🦄
I'm not talking about a real unicorn though that would have been such a great manifestation success story! This happened recently. I wanted to prove to myself that I'm powerful more and more everyday so I asked my subconscious to show me a unicorn. It could be the word or a picture of it. I was manifesting to see cute things to empower myself and to make them pile up to give me more assurance about my manifesting skills.
I was watching new TikToks about the new Despicable Me movie and I heard Gru say "that's not actually a true unicorn" and I knew that was my manifestation. I literally just got Despicable Me stuff on my FYP, looked more into it because I love those movies and it led me to see that exact TikTok.
8. Saw a pink butterfly 🦋
These are just manifestations to prove to myself that I'm a master at manifesting. I told my subconscious to show me a pink butterfly. It didn't show me a real one but I didn't specify that it needs to be a real one. I went general for it. I've seen this three times. One when I was reading Subliminal Amino posts, two while I'm on Pinterest and lastly at home. My mom suddenly has these cute decorative shiny shimmering butterflies and one of them was pink. I've seen them before while Mom was digging up some moving boxes and storage we have from the old house. This time though, it's just the pink butterfly on our coffee table! I was looking for my other phone and I saw that!
9. Having a ribbon to tie my hair with. This is a very special one!
I loved watching A Series of Unfortunate Events on Netflix. I really liked Violet as a character and she does this specific thing to get her brain gears working. She ties her hair with a ribbon or cloth or whatever is available to her and whenever she does that, she ends up thinking of a plan. Here, let me show you what I mean:
youtube
I wanted to have one like that so I can use it as a placebo to make me smarter than I already am. I'm already intelligent but I found that doing that hair ribbon trick, can help me solve problems and to brainstorm great ideas. So I commanded my subconscious mind. I was starting to learn this method thanks to @nonbinarydeity for her simplifying manifesting post!
I told my subconscious: "Subconscious mind, I command you to get me a ribbon for my hair so I can use it like Violet. I want it to be pink."
I said that once or twice then proceeded to fully trust that my subconscious mind is manifesting/getting that done for me.
I was searching through the stuff on my shelves and storage areas where I have my stuff from the old house. I looked through them and saw this small blue magnetic box container thing. I thought that it had my cartomancy playing cards. We had a couple of those because it's free stuff from a company that a relative was working with. It's the box I'm talking about. I opened it and to my surprise, I saw that it was full of ribbons and hair clips! Not only that, there was a specific soft pink one that I used to do that I was talking about which was Violet Baudelaire's hair tie trick. I used that ribbon like years ago and so I forgot about it. I had these storage boxes at the old house but they are hard to open because there is stuff on top of it. There's no way for me to pull it out. I decided to open it as much as I can and get some of my old stuff. I got my books, old jewelry, an assortment of things then I grabbed that blue magnetic box thinking it contained my cards but actually my cards are in another container close to my bed.
My subconscious mind did not only get me what I wanted but it got me my pink favorite old ribbon that I got specifically to do the thing that Violet does in the show. It's the one I specifically had for that purpose years ago.
This is definitely one of my favorite success stories!!!
10. Made my straight hair go curly and a bit wavy
My hair used to be straight as heck and I was happy with it but I wanted to make just a slight change. I want my ends to be wavy or curly. You see, I was jealous of my younger sister's hair. She had curly ends and it's so pretty! That's what I wanted to have. I want to keep the top to mid part of my hair straight and the ends more wavy. So I used a subliminal from glow soul, her hair sub and all I did was listen once while looking at pictures of my desired hair. I was already seeing the ends of my hair starting to curl and become a bit wavy. It was more solidified to me that it was actually working when my mom and my sister kept noticing how the ends of my hair were becoming more wavy and curly. There was this one time when we were at a mall, I was walking in front of my mom and my sister. My sister told our mom that the ends of my hair are curling and getting wavier. I didn't do anything to my hair at all! I just combed it before going and that was it! This really makes me happy and I still have those results! Let me show you my hair before and the photo I looked at while listening.
This is the photo I looked at while listening to the sub:
11. Being spoiled by everyone 🛍️
I used another subliminal for this and it is laveria's very popular "get gifts n get spoiled" subliminal! When I started listening to this, my mom kept buying me things from online that I really liked. This was in the past when we had a tight budget but we suddenly got richer and got a new car after I listened to a rich subliminal! Mom was then able to buy me stuff or ask me what I want in the shop she's shopping at online because of those two subs! My dad also gave me extra allowance money to buy whatever I wanted! My brother bought us snacks that I wanted for so long (they don't know) like cakes and macarons! This is the most recent one! My sweet little sister bought me tons of books whenever she shops at amazing book fairs with her girlfriend. She literally got me books in genres that I love like detective, mystery, fantasy and more! She didn't do that much before unless it was my birthday. She even gave me As Old As Time as a one month early birthday gift! I recommend that book so much! I finished it so fast! I also got a lot of money from relatives.
12. Found my ear hook that I lost 👂
Okay so the wired earphone that I was using during that time always fell out of my ears so my mom got me ear hooks. It's a silicon accessory that has a hook that you can hang on your ear so earphones won't fall out. They look like this:
I basically lost one of them when I woke up and I literally searched every nook and cranny. I commanded my subconscious mind to find it for me and I affirmed "found it!" three times after that. I just trusted that my subconscious mind will get that for me and relaxed. Even if days would come and it hasn't shown up, I never gave up. I continued my day knowing the subconscious will help me find it. One day, my mom was organizing stuff around my bedroom and that's when she gave me my missing ear hook! I have searched everywhere and Mom found it at the area that I have searched multiple times so I knew this was a success story. I shifted to the reality where I found that ear hook.
12. Being better in Among Us
Among Us is one of my favorite games ever, in fact I miss it now. I had to delete it to get more space. As I said, I am really intelligent already but I tend to be nervous and sometimes slip up as the impostor. I'm good at catching impostors but I get nervous and scared when I'm the impostor.
I started listening to an Among us sub and it's about being really good as an impostor. I became a genius at being an impostor. I never got caught ever after that! I have saved some compliments from friends and random people to savor my success story and make me feel amazing! I'll show you in a sec! Me scouring through my messy gallery right now: 🧐
I've been complimented and called a genius so many times but I can only provide one photo since Tumblr only allows 10 photos per post.
And that is all I can recall from the top of my head. Thank you for reading!
XOXO Rian 💋
Or maybe yours truly, Lady Whistledown 😆
I'm kidding! I'm just enjoying Bridgerton recently! Remember, you already have what you want and it's already done! 🎉
#Youtube#law of assumption#manifesting#manifestation#lawofassumption#bridgerton#how to manifest#loassumption#subliminals#success story#loablr#loa tumblr#loa blog
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Sylus SFW/NSFW Headcanons
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A/n: I wanna emphasize further headcanons for Sylus cause he got me in a chokehold, NSFW isn’t a lot cause I couldn’t think of much. I hope you like this one! Also, when I was writing this, Rafayel was on my screen saying “Babe don’t move, I wanna see if I can see myself in the reflection of your eyes” I am so sorry baby boy. Also, I apologize for the separated posts, I, once again, reached the Tumblr limit. <( •̀ᴖ•́)>
Pairing: Sylus x AFAB Reader
Not beta read!
Warning: Toxic! Relationship, Stockholm Syndrome, Kidnapping, Forced Drug Usage, Exhibitionism, BDSM, Sadistic! Sylus, Cussing, Blood, SYLUS! (He gets his own warning) If there are warnings that I didn’t notice, please let me know, thank you!
Masterlist Sylus SFW/NSFW Headcanons (Part One)
Sylus NSFW Headcanons
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SFW:
✄ He wouldn’t forget about the men you keep in your life; they’re so obsessed with you that they all got impacted by your disappearance, especially Rafayel, who was the one that got you into the situation, he knows that the guy was the reason why you almost died, twice? Was it thrice? Anyways that’s too much for someone who says that they loved you for 800 years, (He’s a full-time stalker, do you think his raven wouldn’t hear your conversation when that man got hospitalized?)
✄ For his amusement... he usually tends to give them little trinkets of your possessions where they live or lets you send a message to them once in a while. Just to mess with them, after all, they're the ones who got to have plenty of time with you, and yet here you are, in his home. He considers himself the winner right now.
✄ Out of all the male leads, the one he considers to be a big threat was Lumiere, the number of times he almost got caught with you, that man is crazy. (as if he isn’t) so whenever he lets you out, he makes sure you’re not identifiable, it’s simple really, he uses a device that changes your appearance to look vastly different from your looks.
✄ In terms of Physical affection, he would do it when you still despise him, he’d force you to kiss him, planting his lips on yours while you squirm from your chains, try to bite his lips, he’ll slap your thighs with a baton, specifically your inner thighs mind you, since it hurts so much more there. Yeah, keep trying to hurt him, he’ll make sure to give it back tenfold.
✄ Does he hug you? He does, though the type of hugs he gives aren’t comfortable, it’s where you can’t move, can’t leave or squirm your way out of his hold, he’s strong enough to hold you down.
✄ Cry for him! He likes seeing your tears, angry tears, or pained tears, he doesn’t care, he just wants to see you sob. While he loves that you’re bratty, he also prefers obedient mutts as stated in the first headcanons. If he needs to punish you for that he’s very much willing.
✄ He does drug you often. He likes watching you turn into a mush, a pliant pet for him, he doesn’t take advantage of you in this state though, he just gets tired of your constant squirming when he wants your cuddle after a long day of work, he’d come back to his home, his bodyguards and servants greeting him enthusiastically (they’re forced to) while you on the other hand, just spat insult after insult to him. He would appreciate the feisty personality you have if he has the energy for it.
✄ He’d grab your cheeks in a bruising grip before he grabs a pill box, finding the right drug to put you in a state where you reciprocate his love for you, he forces your jaw open before pouring 3 pills into your mouth.
✄ “Drink” he’d ordered, you gasped, trying to push the pills out of your throat, “spit it out, you’ll regret it” his voice harsh, while he forces cold water down your throat, making sure that you drank it, the moment he lets your cheeks go, you’d be coughing and gasping for air, he drenched your shirt too cause of what he did, but he doesn’t care, you’re acting like a feral dog, be ready to be treated like one.
✄ The moment the drugs start to circulate in your system, making you tired and obedient, he’ll carry you to the bed, where you were supposed to be, but didn’t like being on since that bed reminded you that you were trapped.
✄ In times like this, he turns vulnerable, asking you to tell him how much you love him, he likes hearing it, you never told him those words, and he could only hear it when you’re drugged out.
✄ You cuddle him, breathing ragged while he traces his fingers on your back, causing you to shiver, it was cold and hot at the same time, and the only comfort you feel is when you’re pressed against his body, he is the only solace you feel when you’re in this state, and you hated it.
✄ When he tells you he loves you, you respond so eagerly, like a proper mutt.
✄ He'd plant kisses on your face, his hand gently holding your back to adjust your position on his lap. Your skin, warm from the effects of the drugs, pressed against his. Seizing the moment, he continued kissing you, his lips trailing down to your neck, where he left bites, he’d savor your whimpers.
✄ Oh, but if you mention any of the male lead’s name except for him while you’re in a dreamlike state, he’d be fuming with jealousy, but it’s not obvious, his subtle hints would be on his body language, the way his kisses became rougher, he bites your bottom lip, breaking skin and making you bleed, if you wince in pain, he’d have a sneer on his face. His grip on your back would go to your waist, chubby or not, he’d have you under his mercy, his hands tugging your cuffs and placing your wrists on top of your head.
“Even if your brain’s a mush you never fail to hit a nerve pretty”
✄ After you fall asleep under his “care”, he’ll take care of you, changing your outfit before he tucks you to bed, you’ll often wake up alone, but with a letter that says that he’ll be expecting proper etiquette from you next time.
✄ Does he say “I love you” to you? If you’re still mad at him, he would out of spite, He would infuse it with such sweetness that it’s guaranteed to make you angrier. Honestly, he loves seeing you try to piss him off. Keep going, love; you're at least one step closer.
✄ On the other hand, once you develop Stockholm syndrome, he won’t say it much, you didn’t become boring, he just likes seeing you desperate to please him, to get his love so he stops his affections just for you to beg for it.
✄ Is it hard to withhold loving you? Nope, it’s easy for him, he lived without your constant affection, even during the months he kept you in his home, you didn’t give him the privilege of your love, so he doesn’t mind not touching you at all, not giving you the attention you want, or the verbal affirmation if he still loved you.
✄ Once you start crying and begging, that’s where he’d hush you, petting your head before he kisses your forehead.
“I’m sorry pretty, I’m here now, don’t cry” He’d coo before you hug him as if your life depended on it.
#love and deepspace#l&ds rafayel#rafayel love and deepspace#love and deepspace mc#lnds xavier#love and deepspace sylus#sylus x reader#lads sylus#sylus smut#l&ds sylus#lnds sylus#sylus#lnds x reader
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