#but now that Ming is going to find out it was never Tong and always Joe

[takeadeepbreathandexist]

Joe sneezing while orgasming is really going to be the nail in the coffin for Ming figuring this out isn’t it?

[heretherebedork]

Ming's realization was like a ton of bricks crushing his already broken heart. He already knew that he loved Joe and to find out that the first time he fell in love truly was Joe? It's more than he can bear. And to see the moment that he fell in love with 'Tong' reenacted and realizing that he never loved Tong, not ever, because the only person he ever loved was Joe? Absolutely shattered him.

And then, around them, the world is burning but all Ming cares about is Joe... just as it's always been. Ming was fully prepared to burn the world down for love and he is now more than ever... but Joe sees the fire, Joe is the one the fire will burn if and when things go wrong.

[one-of-tankhuns-neurons]

My Stand-In episode 10 was sOooo fucking satisfying to watch

First of all

Cute. You can tell this poor little puppy never sneaked a guy into his room in his teens and never had a parent walk in on him. He fr thought that was gonna work and Ming just went along with it bc he finds it endearing. This is the episode where we see ming's trUe growth as a character and as a person

Because time after time he keeps STANDING UP FOR JOE. He's asking for forgiveness, he's acknowledging all he did and he's trying to repair the damage. He changed from bossing people around to actually being on the begging end. He's asking, he's making the effort. Yes he pulled contract, but because of TIME, he didn't force anything on Joe violently this time.

Look at my boy getting angry for Joe and facing the very asshole that had him on a leash for years.

I loooooved how his face changes when he hears he doesn't have the upper hand. Props to Mek for being a great actor but bitch ur making me hate your face... Lots of love still.

THIS LINE HERE... It's not enough experiencing it.. I need it as drUgs fr. That rich turban daddy KNOWS Tong. He knows his every move and the way he gets human shields for him and takes the credit.. that's why Tong is so afraid of him. He cannot play him... Oh my god seeing Tong fucked up feels so good it should count as p*rn fr.

AND WHAT DID I TELL Y'ALL ABOUT THIS GIRL

She's getting caught up in the mess, I hope she gets out. Because the monster is cornered...

LITERALLY cornered. Look at that fucking coward physically HIDING behind Ming's mom.

Go grow a pair. He couldn't find a stand in for his bALLS so he didn't even go to Ming's dad.

But DEAR LORD THE LITERAL BEST MOMENT OF THE YEAR, BEST TURNAROUND, BEST CHARACTER GROWTH

Step 1: making them think they've won

Step 2: pull the sassiest face in the history of EVER that's fueled by extreme gay rage

Step 3: fuck em up

FUCKING SHIT YES

He's literally weaponizing Tong's threat. He doesn't care. He is not only standing up for his BOYFRIEND, but he is standing up for HIMSELF. My man Ming was always manhandled and abused and scared. He's seeing clearer than ever now, and he's all in. FUCK YES MING IM AO GLAD YOU DIDN'T FUCKING LET US DOWN. This is hot. This is what we nEed.

I mean how he passed by his mom and Tong and goes up half the stairs... he is ABOVE THEM now, he cleared that stage.. and now look how far up his dad is physically. This shows how much of a difference in power and importance that man has, and still Ming is facing it alone.

GOOOOOOLD

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

BL Premiering in April

01/04 | 🇰🇷🇹🇭 Love is Like a Cat MDL When global superstar Piuno is threatened by those who wish to see him brought low, there’s only one thing he can do to save his reputation and his career: work at a pet daycare. Pushing aside his severe dislike for animals, Piuno begins working alongside the daycare’s director, Dae Byeol, who helps him find ways to overcome the trauma that first inspired his hatred of animals. As his heart begins to soften, unexpected feelings for Dae Byeol begin to arise. Could their current working relationship grow into something more?

03/04 | 🇹🇭 We Are MDL For this friend group, no matter how hard their university studies are, there's always something more to do their head in; the chaos of life and love won't let anyone rest. We are... friends, but we fight each other and like each other so much we might hit on each other.

11/4 | 🇯🇵 Living with Him MDL With his parents frequently away for work, Natsukawa Ryota had been the main caretaker for his younger sisters and the housework, but now he’s finally about to go to University, he’s looking forward to being able to live freely on his own! However, in a surprising turn of events, he’s surprised to discover his roommate will be his childhood friend Tanaka Kazuhito. Despite his picture-perfect looks and pleasant personality, Kazuhito doesn’t have a girlfriend. Curious, Ryota accompanies him in searching for the reason why, but is unable to find any flaws and finds his heart fluttering over Kazuhito’s kind words and actions. As he gets to know more about Kazuhito, their relationship develops. Thus begins their cohabitation life where they’re mutually self-aware of each others presence! 11/4 | 🇰🇷 Gray Shelter MDL With no dream aside from to survive, Soohyuk reunites with his friend, Yoondae, who has no place to go. The two end up sharing space together; will this cohabitation spark something?

18/4 🇯🇵 At 25:00, in Akasaka MDL Shirasaki Yuki, a rookie actor, finally lands an audition and is chosen to star in a BL drama alongside current superstar Hayama Asami, who was also his senior at university. Feeling anxious and troubled before his first major role, Shirasaki is approached by Hayama with the proposal to form a “romantic relationship for the sake of character development” until the filming concludes. Their pseudo-romantic involvement off-screen leads to a moving and beautifully crafted love story exploring the intricacies of relationships within the entertainment industry and among actors. 26/4 🇹🇭 My Stand-In MDL Joe, the stunt man of famous actor Tong, happened to meet Ming. Having developed a deep relationship, Joe didn't realise that Ming had always seen him as Tong's replacement. When the truth is revealed, Joe has to take work on a foreign set where an accident takes his life. When he wakes, Joe's in the body of a young man likewise named Joe who'd met with an accident on the same day. With help, he's soon living the same life as he was before—with the same people—and he meets Ming once more. In this life, Ming wants Joe back at his side as before and Joe doesn't know why. Ming, who's kept all memories of the old Joe, tries to find the truth about Joe's continued life in order to return Joe to his side and give him the explanation he never had the chance to.

?/4 | 🇰🇷 Boys Be Brave! MDL Jung Ki Sub is Kim Jin Woo's slacker friend - and secret crush. So when Ki Sub asks to crash at his place, his heart tingles to be near him everyday. But as the short stay turns into permanent mooch, how long can Jin Woo keep his true feelings under wraps and hold back from confessing? ?/4 | 🇯🇵 A Man Who Defies the World of BL 3 MDL Mob realizes he’s trapped in a world straight out of a boys’ love comic, complete with typical love story scenes. Determined to remain a background character and avoid becoming the main focus, Mob tries to keep a low profile. However, in this sequel, the love and comedy intensify! In an ultimate BL world surrounded by extremely handsome men, will Mobu be able to avoid the situation where B becomes L? The main cast will return, with Inukai playing Mob, who fends off advances from handsome men tossing out “BL love flags.” Yutaro will return as his younger brother, Ayato, while Akihisa Shiono will be Tojo, Ayato’s lover. Asahi Ito will come back as Kikuchi, a college student who has a crush on Mob. Also couldn't find definite info on 🇹🇭 Knock Knock, Boys! to be sure it will premiere this month or not.

[miss0atae]

Ming’s coercive control in My Stand-In (Ep 4)

First of all, and before saying anything else, I also wanted to say, I don’t know anything about psychology and I may make mistakes in this post when using some terms. If you know a better way of saying it, don’t hesitate to tell me. I’m still learning everyday.

The return of the prodigal son ! Ming was not too nice in episode 3, but he wasn't at his prime. In this episode we saw again how he is trying to regain the control in his relationship with Joe. Unfortunately, he lost it by the end of episode 3 when he drunkenly admitted his feelings for Tong to Joe, breaking up the poor man's heart at the same time. Joe decided to break up with Ming because of it.

However, Ming doesn't want to accept it and he decided to go to his workplace to threaten him. Ming has decided he is not going to listen to what Joe has to say because he must decide. He made his decision and he is going to stay with him, no matter what.

Firstly, he is using emotional blackmail again, by telling Joe it was his idea to ask him to move in and telling him now to move out, isn't really nice. His idea here is to put the guilt in Joe. The guilt trip was already used in episode 2.

When Joe didn't let him do it like he previously did, you can see how Ming felt cornered. Joe knows about Ming's crush for Tong and he wanted him to understand he is not a second choice. He tried to make Ming see how Tong will not be with him. Ming reacted with explosive anger and told him it's his personal stuff. Let's not forget in episode 2 how he told Joe that one of the two conditions to be together was that they never mess with each other's privacy. In this episode, he wanted to dismiss Joe's accusation by reminding him of this.

However, this time it didn't work because Joe was set on stopping this relationship. So Ming again used threat to force Joe outside of the workplace and make him go back in the house where he can persuade him more easily. The evidence being that in Joe's work there are too many people who can intervene, such as Sol or Wut.

When Joe came back home, he tried to use verbal abuse. It is shown in a delivery of a statement intended to frighten him when he told Joe, he will never find a better boyfriend.

Since it didn't get him what he wanted, he tried a form of positive reinforcement. Ming apologizes and showed a vulnerability he always tried to hide. He asked Joe to start again so they can go back to what they were before Joe asked for a break up. He wanted to bring back the memories of their “happy time” and he also did some love bombing by asking him about this love Joe has for him. This time Ming got close to Joe and hugged him. The intimate embrace is also a way of showing what he wants to get again from Joe.

But when everything failed, Ming decided he can use physical aggression and lock Joe. I'm amazed about how he did it without thinking twice. He also made sure to bring Joe somewhere else so no one would find him. Is Ming really aware of how possessive he is and how unhealthy it can be?

But in the end, it's fascinating to see how Ming can't really understand his own feeling for Joe. Does he love him or does he care for him because it's the first person who truly gives him everything, just like his sister? This is so different from what he has with Tong. It is also because he doesn't really love Tong… He idolizes him. It's this fantasy he created in his mind while Joe is real. Ming doesn't know what to do and he lost Joe before really processing all of this.

[becauseimanicequeen]

(I'm writing this after painting for 10 hours straight, so I hope it makes some sense, lol.)

I've been thinking a lot about My Stand-In while painting today, and how I have different expectations of this story than some comments I've seen here and some reactions I've watched on YouTube (I've learned my lesson to avoid MDL like the plague, so I, fortunately, have no idea what's going on there). But I especially thought about why I don't particularly mind some of the things that have happened or haven't been addressed in the series so far. And I realized it's just a part of who I am and what I'm used to.

As someone who was raised on Days of Our Lives (which is weird because I'm not American), I don't mind things like the kidnapping or the transmigration in My Stand-In (and that the transmigration might never be addressed or explained).

I mean, I'm used to kidnappings, people being possessed, and long, lost, dead people coming back to life. That's just a normal Tuesday.

I don't need a revenge plot to be satisfied with the series. I don't even want a revenge plot (it would be very out of character for Joe). Fortunately, I'm pretty sure this isn't the story they want to tell.

Furthermore, in my opinion (colored by being raised in the delulu land of DOOL), I don't even need the transmigration to be addressed or explained for me to enjoy the series. I don't need Joe's feelings about what it's like for his soul to live in a new body. I don't need him to deal with the repercussions of being in a new body (that might not even be the story they want to tell). I don't need any of that because I'm used to ludicrous shit (especially the fun ludicrous shit). And I'm used to ludicrous shit that doesn't always get addressed or explained.

(I get that not everyone was raised on DOOL, and good for you if you weren't. So if you need to have the transmigration addressed, that's great. Be disappointed if it isn't. You have every right to be. Don't mind me and my ridiculous soap opera preferences.)

That's not to say that My Stand-In is ludicrous, because it isn't. It's a pretty normal story for someone like me who was raised on soap operas (and whose tolerance for ludicrous stuff is pretty high).

I mean, even if Joe is kidnapped for the umpteenth time and kept in a golden cage (yes, Stefano and Marlena, I'm looking at you), I'll have a blast with it. But I'm pretty sure this will never happen in My Stand-In.

Even if May has drugged Tong to get herself pregnant with his child (and that being the reason they get married) only to find out years later that it's actually his brother's child (btw, does Tong even have a brother?) (Yes, Sami, Austin, and Lucas, I'm looking at you.), I'll have a blast with it. But I'm pretty sure this will never happen either.

And even if Ming's dad turns out to be a Stefano DiMera-esque character and Sol turns out to be Joe's half-brother (because shit like that is normal in delulu Salem), I'll have a blast with it. But, again, I'm pretty sure this will never happen.

My Stand-In is no soap opera (unfortunately). But I enjoy the heck out of it as it is right now anyway. And I would enjoy the heck out of it even if it became completely ludicrous.

The only thing that disappoints me at this point is that Joe 2.0 doesn't even have white eyes even though he's possessed by another person's soul... (Yes, Marlena, I'm looking at you again.)

On a more serious note, though (let's see if I can pull this off, lol).

Based on what I've seen so far (and since I'm only on chapter 41 in the novel, which is around the end of the 4th episode, I don't know much else about the source material), I feel like the story they want to tell us is more about Joe's role as a stand-in in all the different parts of his life, about how unfair life can be, about grief, second chances, and an obstinate refusal to giving up.

I still don't think they will give us a revenge plot. I feel like the farthest they will go is for Joe to resist Ming and make him grovel for as long as possible (as he should!). They might address parts of the transmigration later. But, again, that's not really important to me.

I'm more interested in Joe mourning his old body/life rather than figuring out how his new body works. But that's just me.

I'm more interested in Ming losing his shit in his grief, repeating old patterns, and (hopefully) breaking those patterns when he gets his shit together. But that's just me.

I'm more interested in the chaos (more catfighting between Ming and Sol, please). But that's just me.

Hell, give me more of the blind shaman, who evidently sees clearer than Ming does (why did that idiot take off the glasses he wore before he left the country?! He clearly needs them...). He is more interesting to me than whatever Joe might be feeling being in a new body. Please, oh wise man, tell me more about what you see! And speak in riddles because I love a good old mindfuck. But, again, that's just me.

If a golden cage shows up or Joe 2.0's eyes start to change color or children show up claiming random people as their parents, I will probably start talking about how ludicrous this series is (but I'll still have such a fucking blast with it). This will never happen, though, because My Stand-In isn't a soap opera.

Do I need My Stand-In to be more unhinged to enjoy it? No, because I already enjoy it as it is. Do I mind if it gets into ludicrous territory? Absolutely not. I'm raised on that shit.

My Stand-In can practically throw whatever it wants at me (or not) and I'll just sit back and enjoy the ride. Because I already do.

(Btw, I Googled the cage in DOOL and I can't believe I remember that it was golden! That storyline was from 1996?! I was around 10 years old when I watched that shit (since my country was 3-4 years behind in the release of the episodes). It must've made a real impact on me, lmfao! Also, I love that when Supernatural fans raved about Jensen Ackles, I just knew him as Eric Brady, lol!)

[myezblog]

Breaking up.. how was it for Ming?

Just looking at it from Ming's perspective...

The morning after the eventful night, he woke up to find everything normal - his breakfast nicely plated, Joe leaving for work and talking softly as if nothing happened. We have seen repeatedly that Ming doesn't remember anything after drinking and he didn't remember a thing today (Joe ought to have known that). Anyways, morning is wrapped up with Ming asking Joe when he will come back to "HOME"... got a vague reply..

**************************

Ming didn't go out that day.. cleaned the place.. spent time.. tried to call/ message Joe as their daily boyfie stuff goes...but for once he did not get a single response...

This is bound to make someone like Ming jittery. Yet, at night when he spoke to Joe his voice is very very soft and you can sense the nervousness and confusion... again asks J when he will come back "HOME"..

And then Joe asked him to move out without explaining anything ... and cuts the call

****************************

An ENTIRE NIGHT of restlessness, bad scenarios, not knowing what has happened... he was so close to confessing to Joe... he has known for quite a while that he likes Joe for being Joe and not Tong's stand in... and he can't wrap his head around what happened... why is Joe distancing himself

*****************************

Next morning, he rushes to see Joe. He barely got Joe opening up and telling him about what went wrong... we have Sol come in and the fight ensues... Ming did not even get the time to digest what was said, what was happening...

Went back home.. waited an entire day for Joe to come back... riled by Sol... confused by what he did the previous night

anyways Joe comes back.. and MIng is still very very soft, pleading, apologetic... usual stuff in any relationship on verge of breakup.. he wasn't being weird..

UNTIL TONG CALLED and SOL CAME UP...

**************

For Ming, Joe has been ok with them being casual, there was no commitment between them... so he could not gather as to why Joe is reacting so strongly... and then his stupid reasoning just sent him whirring on the wrong path...

All, I am saying is that Ming has an obsessive possessive personality, sure! But he is not some crazy disrespectful guy. Even when they were fighting his concern was if Joe has fallen out of love. This guy literally has no one and has been alone all his life... what he has with Joe is so precious... and he is young..

Just give him a break.. he doesn't know how to move on or ignore his first love who is also a family member now... but he absolutely can't lose Joe, who loves Ming (truly)

***************

Also, Joe would always be attracted to someone who can be posessive about him because joe never had anyone to take care of him... anyone for whom he can be #1

AND, for that, as someone else also said... the best thing that has happened is that he has a mom.. that unconditional love is so so so much needed for Joe

[aliceisathome]

Time for My Stand In - I'm ready with things nearby to grab depending on how traumatised/angry/sad I am. Currently we have a G&T, some chocolate, a punchable stuffie and some ice cream within reach. There's tequila in the kitchen if none of these work.

So here we are, new house and helper for mum to be paid for by spending a year doing whatever Ming demands, which is immediately sex of course. But Joe doesn't realise that Ming's concentrating on his back not because he's trying to replace Tong now, but because he's trying to replace Joe. Joe's a stand in for himself the poor sod.

It's interesting that Ming can't bring himself to have sex with New Joe though. It's guilt, yes, but also because he never really had sex with Old Joe - in his mind he was always having sex with Tong . In trying to get New Joe to stand in gor Old Joe, sex isn't going to work - what he misses and loved is , well, JOE. it's the companionship, the cooking together, sleeping together and just being together. It's the lights on when you get home and the smell of cooking. Does the spoilt, manipulated prince realise that yet? He might be getting a clue this episode though.

Also my brain hurts

I like Ming's green bedding. In fact I like all the green teal in his condo - the man's got good taste in furnishings if nothing else. Did he get them to redecorate his hotel room to match? Wouldn't surprise me - he's the sort of person who'd put that in his rider. I must go and see what @respectthepetty says about the colours in this.

So - Ming isn't going to realise that New Joe is Old Joe because he thinks OG Joe is still alive but he's suspicous. It could be that Ming won't let go of the fantasy that old Joe will come back to him until they find the body* Wut might guess soon though. And Sol, if Ming hasn't ripped his head off after he sees the music vid.**

OH they pretended that Tong did his own stunts for that first movie in all the press. OK, I get why Ming didn't put two and two together now.

Enter the bastard Tong. Man, he's a piece of work - jealous of Ming paying attention to another man (AGAIN) plus now he wants money from him as well. Don't do it Ming! Loved that he was too distracted by Tharn & Joe to listen properly. Still, I think he's beginning to see through Tong - especially when he won't acknowledge his culpability in Old Joe's death/disappearance. Loved his slightly weary dismissal of him as well.

Tharn - nope. Don't like him one little bit. He can join Tong in the Pit of Despair. They are both manipulative bastards.

All the flashbacks made me sad, especially the watch. And now I'm feeling sorry for Ming even though he's been a bastard and a fool because, well, he was twisted into that by Tong.

Gah - I can't wait for next Friday. The preview implies that the psychic might let Ming know that Joe's soul is in a new body but I think it's Sol's voice at the end. I don't think Ming knows enough to stake out Old Joe's parent's graves. This is why I try to save to binge watch.

Anyhow, the stuffie took some damage points whenever Tong or Tharn were on screen and the gin is gone. Could be worse, and I'm sure it will be at some point. This bloody show has me in its grip.

*I get it Ming, I hope his comatose body is being looked after and worshipped by jungle creatures and he'll get it back. Mainly because Poom's SO cute.

**for the love of the sweet baby jeebus if you're going to cast someone as a Kpop star at least get someone who can sing or use someone else's voice.

[telomeke-bbs]

bad buddy fandom getting-to-know-you-meme!

Got tagged by @tiistirtipii at this post here and @inventedfangirling at this post here. Thanks for tagging me! 🥰 (And sorry I've taken so long to respond. 🤦‍♂️)

name and whatever you want to share about yourself

You can call me Tel. I love writing, languages, linguistics, and learning about different cuisines and cultures. I live right in the middle of Southeast Asia.

when did you watch bad buddy/join the fandom?

I started watching Bad Buddy almost from the start, after a friend told me Ohm had a new series out. I went into it pretty blind, not knowing anything at all about its history or genesis. I'd liked Ohm's work in He's Coming to Me and was open to more from him, not thinking the series would be anything more than your run-of-the-mill BL. And was I ever wrong! I think BBS sort of grew slowly on me for the first few episodes, but it really took hold after Nanon's single tear at the end of Ep.4. And I lost it after The Kiss at the end of Ep.5, of course. The no-holds barred obsession really set in after I realized this wasn't any ordinary BL; it works on so many levels and the intelligence with which it was crafted is formidable.

Favourite ship/s

PatPran does it for me.

Favourite character/s

Love them all, but introvert Pran with his protective walls, defensive rituals and surreptitious signposting of his emotional state with doodles and symbols really struck a chord. Pre-Ep.10 Pran was like an extreme version of younger me, I sometimes think.

Favourite episode/s

Episode 11 – I love everything about the beach, and the two of them alone by the sea was like my idea of paradise. But I nodded sagely along when BBS gently pointed out that their beachside idyll was just a temporary respite and that paradise doesn't exist on Earth.

Favourite scene/s

Oof. So many. My all-time favorite is the opening scene of Episode 5 (see this link here for why) because it was layered so deep with meaning and messaging, beneath the happy surface theatrics. I sometimes think of BBS as one giant and intricate puzzle, and if you find and fit together the right puzzle pieces it reveals so much more to you. The amazing thing is that it kept doing this over and over again. Like how many themes and allegories can this one series have? But if you want to disregard all of that and just enjoy it as a well-crafted BL with stellar acting, you can too. And that is also part of its magic.

Some other scenes that still give me the chills:

Deeply-pining Pran looking on at an oblivious Pat sleeping peacefully in Ep.4 [4/4]; I've been there and I know exactly how his heart must have been rent in two at that moment.

The Kiss in Ep.5 of course.

Pat finding out in Ep.10 that Ming wasn't the unimpeachable hero that he thought he was.

Pran missing Dissaya in Ep.11 (this is because I still miss my late mom with all my heart; the grief is going to be a forever guest there I fear – you just learn to pack it away in a box and put it away in a quiet room in your heart, but it breaks free every now and then, just to stare at me silently with its unknowable face).

When Our Song plays in Ep.11 (especially when Uncle Tong does his voiceover and the soaring guitar solo kicks in, and then we see Pat and Pran back in front of their houses, bracing themselves to face their families again).

Ah that award-winning scene on the balconies in Ep.12, when Pat and Pran indulge in a joyful, all-smiles tin-can conversation for old times' sake, play-acting at being strangers, and then dastardly Director Aof toys with our hearts once again and has the music crescendo as he morphs them back into their kiddie selves dressed in the same clothes to show us that the bond between the two scamps had always been there, forged since childhood, and that they were never really enemies throughout it all. And amidst the nostalgia we're suddenly engulfed in a wave of bittersweet emotions imagining all the what-ifs and if-onlys and what-might-have-beens had those poor little tykes not been forced into that meaningless rivalry by their warring parents. But as the camera pans away we hear their young voices piping in the night, still innocent and so full of hope, reminding us that when those two little boys grew up they still managed to find a way to triumph over all the pitiless hurt imposed on them. And how privileged we were to have been able to share in the story of their journey.

One thing you would change about the show if you could

I've thought so much about this show, it's not just one thing. And don't get me wrong; I'm not tearing it down or hurling brickbats at this series I love so much. It just irks the Perfectionist Pran side of me that something so beautiful, deep, intelligent and heartfelt also has its little flaws here and there.

I think they could have done a better job helping us understand how and why PatPran's competitive dynamic launched them so suddenly into the madcap bet in Ep.7. The cinematography was inconsistent in a lot of parts. The English subtitling (especially of Ep.5) could have clarified some things, but instead made them more confusing. And Pat getting shot may have been necessary on an intellectual level, to nod at some trope, theme or other literary preoccupation perhaps. But the narrative didn't really need that moment of conflict and I felt BBS tipped over into unnecessary melodrama at that point.

what are your some of your favorite fanworks made by other people?

I adore the analysis, meta and backgrounding of BBS that you can find on Tumblr. So many intelligent, creative people looking at this show, but those that spring to mind:

@airenyah @bengiyo @chickenstrangers @dribs-and-drabbles @dudeyuri @grapejuicegay @inventedfangirling @kenmakaashi @lovelyghostv @lurkingshan @lurkingteapot @miscellar @neuroticbookworm @pandasmagorica @ranchthoughts @recentadultburnout @waitmyturtles

Fan art also by @hereforlou and @kit-teung. 😍

I've probably forgotten so many others, please forgive me if I have; if I've liked and reblogged your work it means that you've touched me with your intelligence and output and I'm automatically a fan.

What are your favourite fanworks you've made?

I mostly post observations and findings from research about the show, so they're not works of fiction or visual art, just essays really. They're all special to me in different ways, but I lean most to the one that talks about the etymology of Pat and Pran's chue lens, what they mean semantically and what they mean for the series (write-up linked here):

My post about the Ep.1 scene in front of Khun Noppharnach's Pharmacy (linked here) was another one where the pieces of the BBS logic puzzle fell into place in a way that satisfied my gameplaying side:

I'm also chuffed about my location posts (linked here; have identified almost all of them, such is the power of the Internet), finding out that the jeep in khanom jeep dumplings also means to court (linked here), and tracking down Baseball Mom (linked here).

‌

A song that makes you think of BBS (not in the show)

My obsessive mind can't let go of this song (I've written about it several times now) but Never (ไม่เคย) by 25Hours devastatingly captures the quiet grief over losing that special someone in your life (and tells us what Pat must have been going through post-separation from Pran in high school). Pat mentions it at Ep.5 [3I4] 0.35 but it isn't played in the show. I've got it on repeat now, and am well on my way to memorizing the lyrics.

Onward tagging:

@airenyah @bengiyo @chickenstrangers @dribs-and-drabbles @dudeyuri @grapejuicegay @hereforlou @inventedfangirling @kenmakaashi @kit-teung @lovelyghostv @lurkingshan @lurkingteapot @miscellar @neuroticbookworm @pandasmagorica @ranchthoughts @recentadultburnout @waitmyturtles

No pressure to play if you don't want to, or have already done it. But do tag and let the rest of the BBS fandom know if you have responses for us to read! 😍

‌

[missn11]

For the Kiss Ship Ask! Ming Xiao/Nines, 38: because they're running out of time

@vampemoqueen oh thank you so much for this prompt and I’m sorry it took so long, the story got away from me! 😅 I hope it’s enjoyable regardless.

Nines looked over his shoulder for what felt like the fifteenth hundredth time to confirm that he was truly alone in the back alleys of Chinatown. He appeared to be so, but when Kindred or Kuei-jin disciplines were involved, he couldn’t be a hundred percent sure. However, Nines didn’t have a choice, aside from trusting his instincts that he wasn’t unintentionally leading one of his or Ming Xiao’s enemies right into the heart of the Kuei-jin Temple, he had to warn Ming Xiao about the chaotic shit-storm that was heading her way.

Upon reaching the dead end of the alley, Nines tugged the hood of his grey hoodie more over his face and scanned his surroundings once more before pressing a few bricks in a particular order, causing a passageway to be revealed. Nines quickly slipped inside and flipped the switch to reclose the opening, leaving him in near darkness. Not a problem, thanks to his recently learned ability to see in the dark.

The passageway itself was made of long winding caves that led to different rooms of Ming Xiao’s inner sanctum. A person could get easily lost or fall into the numerous traps hidden throughout if they didn’t know the proper way. Ming Xiao had showed Nines the path to take to her bedroom when their secret arrangement had turned into something more than either of them could have imagined.

It had started out as a means of necessity, both of them were in a bad state after the war, and the Camarilla and the Sabbat had rolled in to take advantage. Nines knew that he couldn’t trust either sect as far he could throw them, and he felt it was better to go with the devil that fought the hardest than the devil coming into town with collars, so he had ended up wearily accepting Ming Xiao’s invite to meet and had agreed to an alliance with her. It had proved useful, since it turned out that snake, LaCroix, had contacted Ming Xiao to make a pact. He had wanted her help in framing Nines for the murder of the Malkavian primogen, Grout, and Ming Xiao had been able to warn Nines ahead of time. They had managed to foil that little scheme by luring an old foe of LaCroix’s to Grout’s mansion and letting the hunter get to work. The plan had been to make sure that the Camarilla did most of the work in dealing with the Sabbat, while Ming Xiao investigated the Camarilla’s true strength and looked for what cracks Nines could exploit to pry the sect apart from the inside. It had worked out very well, Strauss and LaCroix had been quickly drawn at odds; if they were lucky, the Camarilla would collapse in on itself within a year, give or take.

However, Nines knew he had to keep this partnership a secret as most Anarchs would rather lick LaCroix’s shoes clean or cut off pieces of themselves for the Archbishop than team up with the Kuei-jin. Understandable, given their deeply bitter history, and Nines had felt the same way before understanding the Kuei-jin better. But now knowing that Kindred and Kuei-jin were not so unlike in the grand scheme of things despite their differences, he couldn’t demonise them in his mind anymore. Sure, he wasn’t able to forgive what the Kuei-jin had done to the Anarchs when they first arrived in LA but couldn’t entirely hate them either, though funny enough, love was somehow on the table.

If anyone were to know about the depths of Nines’ feelings for Ming Xiao, then they would say that she had seduced him and had him wrapped around her little finger, if they hadn’t first called him a traitor to everything Jeremy MacNeil had stood for. And they wouldn’t be entirely wrong, Nines knew that he was betraying everything the Anarch Movement and MacNeil had fought for by allying and falling in love with the enemy. But he also knew that MacNeil, Garcia and Fortier were hypocrites. MacNeil had run, and Garcia and Frontier had made deals with the Kuei-jin, leaving the Anarchs to the mercy of their enemies.

When Nines had first gotten to know Ming Xiao, he had had so much anger towards his former idols and self-hatred within himself that it had been suffocating, but Ming Xiao had helped him through it when he had eventually let her. And Nines had shown Ming Xiao how she was losing her way. She was meant to be punishing evil, and the supposed Sixth Age was the greatest evil of them all, but she had been hurting her own charges by empowering the weakened Tong and committing other cruelties in an effort to gain control over the city, telling herself that the ends justified the means.

There had been fierce arguments between them at first that had left Nines thinking that he had blown their alliance, but they had always found a way to make up by talking about it afterwards. In fact, Nines found that he enjoyed their many long discussions. They were messy and challenging, but he liked that about Ming Xiao, she didn’t make it easy for him, and he could tell that she was loving him for bringing new ideas to the table even if she resisted them at first.

And well, there were just times that he had sat there completely entranced by Ming Xiao’s cultured voice, smiling at the light blush that appeared on her cheeks when she noticed how intently he was listening to her. Then came the light touches. Ming Xiao’s hand had always seemed to find Nines’, or his shoulder or knee, her warmth terribly intoxicating, and soon his lips had begun to ache to be touched by hers. When they did eventually kiss and ended up in her bed, Nines knew that he had fallen for Ming Xiao hard and would never, ever want to let her go.

Which was why he was here. LaCroix’s and Strauss’s rivalry was reaching a breaking point over the sarcophagus and the discovery that the Kuei-jin had the key in their possession, and they were planning an attack on the temple tomorrow evening. Nines knew that there was no way he could speak out against this raid, the thirst for vengeance within every Anarch was too strong for them to be swayed by words. There was no choice but to warn Ming Xiao to get herself and the Kuei-jin out of the city tonight.

Finally, after carefully traversing the rocky passageway, Nines reached a lever and quickly tugged it, the wall in front of him opening up, revealing the beautifully decorated bedchamber on the other side. Everything was exactly as it had been when Nines had been here last, but the air was too still for comfort. Something was wrong.

At first, Nines thought that the bedroom was empty until he noticed the shape of a woman through the canopy’s nearly translucent drapes and quickly rushed over to part them. His heart sank at the sight of Ming Xiao laying on her back with her eyes staring lifelessly at the ceiling and a metal stake lodged in her chest. Nines scrambled onto the bed, immediately pulled the stake out and held her as she let out a sharp gasp, life returning to her limbs.

“It’s okay, it’s okay, I’m here now,” Nines soothingly told Ming Xiao while stroking her hair and back and warming his blood as she trembled and clung onto his arms.

“Nines what are you doing here? Has the battle already started?” she asked wearily, in between breaths.

“What do you mean, what the hell is going on? Why were you staked?”

Ming Xiao let out a breath of relief, “Oh good, it hasn’t been that long since Tai staked me, your Anarchs have a chance then.” She took a moment to close up her chest wound before explaining further, “Tai, my second-in-command, has pulled off a coup. He’s managed to turn most of my court against me, citing that I have become too soft in trying to reach a peaceful truce with the Anarchs and that I was losing my drive to fight against the Sixth Age. And thus he has killed all my allies, staked me and taken over! He’s planning to battle every Cainite sect to the death! He’d rather face Yomi again than allow the Sixth Age to occur!” She looked into Nines’ eyes, her jade green own watery with unshed tears, “And If you’re here, then LaCroix knows about the key to the sarcophagus?” When Nines gave her a heavy nod, she swallowed, quickly wiping her eyes. “Then Tai has lit the fuse… Your Anarchs need to run, what Tai has planned isn’t a suicidal attack, he has a secret weapon that he will unleash upon you all!”

Nines felt himself become all cold again. “What weapon?”

“Lately there have been many who have been receiving the Second Breath, but they’ve all been Chih-mei, they are truly overtaken by their hunger and are unable to become true Kuei-jin. And instead of putting them out of their misery, Tai has been keeping them chained, feeding them Cainite flesh and blood, so they are much more likely to go after them rather than humans once he unleashes them on the Cainites!”

“That motherfucking bastard, he’s going to cause the very apocalypse he’s trying to prevent!” Nines shouted in horror, “Do you know where he’s keeping the Chih-mei?”

Ming Xiao quickly climbed off the bed. “I have an idea, but you need to get your Anarchs out of Los Angeles if I fail.”

Nines shook his head briskly and grasped Ming Xiao’s arm, “No way in hell I’m leaving you to take on the horde of Chih-mei on your own!”

She smiled gratefully at him, “It’s not the horde that I’m afraid of falling to, I also would have to potentially deal with Tai as well.”

“Again, I’m not leaving you, I’m with you until the end,” Nines reiterated as he pulled Ming Xiao into an embrace.

She rested her head on his chest and squeezed him tightly. “That’s what I’m afraid of, that you’ll meet your end at his hands, and I never want to lose you either. However, I do know how stubborn you are from budging from a final decision, but you should try to get your Anarchs out of the city in case.”

“I’ll make a call, but I know most of them ain’t going to let me talk them out of tomorrow’s raid, sadly.”

Ming Xiao’s eyes flickered downwards. “I see, I hope you can sway as many of your Anarchs away from the raid as possible. But you have to be quick about it, we don’t have much time.”

Nines brought his hand up to tenderly cup Ming Xiao’s cheek, bringing his lips closer to hers. “Do we have time for a kiss?”

“Always,” she replied with a chuckle and kissed Nines.

Kissing Ming Xiao lit up a fire within Nines, he grasped her hips and kissed her back with great passion, wanting to taste every inch of her. She squeezed his biceps, letting out a sigh as he kissed down her neck before capturing her lips again.

Ming Xiao was right on the money about where Tai was keeping the horde of Chih-mei, they were all packed in a gigantic pit deep under the temple. It was horrifying to see the hundreds of hungry dead howling and trying uselessly to grapple at Nines when they picked up his scent. Many of them were dressed in normal civilian clothing, reminding him that they had been normal people going about their lives before dying to come back as blood-and-flesh-hungry undead monsters, much like being wights. And like wights, they needed to be put out of their misery.

Lighting them all aflame wasn’t exactly the kindest method, but it was the quickest, even if Nines would be hearing the Chih-mei horde’s screams in his dreams for years to come. He was just glad he was able to keep his nerve despite the flames now blazing in the pit, but he couldn’t wait to get out with Ming Xiao, to where he didn’t know, since there wasn’t anywhere he could safely place her.

Eh, they’d figure something out. Maybe he could ask her if she had any ideas—? That was the plan until Nines felt the sharp pain pierce his heart deeply. His whole body suddenly became atrophied and completely unable to move.

“There, isn’t that better? Now we can have a real discussion without your annoying Brujah in the way…” Nines heard a snide and amused man’s voice speaking. He already wished he could move and punch the fucker.

“I doubt we have much to say to each other since you made it rather clear when you staked me, Tai!” Ming Xiao stated harshly, her heels clicking slowly towards Nines.

A flicking noise grabbed Nines’ attention. “I wouldn’t go near your Cainite pet, Ming, otherwise he’ll be lit up as brightly as those poor Chih-mei down there. Now, why don’t you come with me and discuss how you can make up for burning our secret weapon by leading the attack tonight? It seems you have forced us to go ahead on schedule…”

“I think I’d rather not, Tai, but you knew that already!” Ming Xiao replied dismissively.

“I cannot express how I’ve missed you calling me ‘Tai’.” The asshole had the audacity to sound touched about it. Nines couldn’t wait for Ming Xiao to cream this creep. At least, he hoped she could kill the bastard. He knew she was scary powerful, far beyond most Kindred he knew, even Jack, but so was Tai from what he had heard, and the son of a bitch had managed to stake her once before. But he also had to trust in Ming Xiao that she wasn’t let that happen again.

“Well, it is only reasonable to grant a dying man one last wish…” she remarked simply before beginning the gruesome transformation into her demon warform.

The awful bone-cracking noise had to be coming from Tai’s transformation into his own warform. There was a breath of stillness before Nines heard the sickening clash of tentacle, and from the sound of it, sharp bone. At first it didn’t sound like the fight was going in Ming Xiao’s favour, too many fleshy slices and cuts filled Nines’ ears and his heart ached at every one of her pained grunts.

However, after long moments, the clash of Ming Xiao’s and Tai’s conflict soon changed. No longer was Nines hearing the sounds of flesh being cut or stabbed but rather bone cracking or shattering. God, he wanted to cheer her on so badly, to encourage her to not let up, that she had him right where she wanted him. But Ming Xiao didn’t need him to cheerlead her, it seemed like she was capable of kicking that creep’s ass just fine.

The bone stopped breaking, and flesh was now being rendered, and Tai was screaming in terrible pain, the scent of his blood filling the air. In fact, his blood had trickled against the bottom of Nines’ boots by this time. He heard presumably Tai’s body get tossed hard to one side. Needless to say, it looked like Ming Xiao had won.

However, not so easily, given from how Ming Xiao limped over to Nines, all bloodied and bruised and nearly collapsing on her knees. She ripped the stake out of Nines’ chest, and he felt as though the air had been knocked right out of his lungs as his limbs came back to life. “Oh fuck, fuck, fuck, I thought I was going to lose you!” he cried out and pulled her into his arms, “I’m so sorry that I didn’t notice the stake he threw at me-- ”

Ming Xiao kissed Nines fiercely, wrapping her arms around his neck. He sighed contently, just so happy that she was alive and safe, for now at least. She broke off the kiss reluctantly and leaned her forehead against his in exhaustion. “We have to leave now! Surely by now, the rest of Tai’s court will have noticed their newly appointed and ex-Ancestor are largely absent. I cannot say for sure where we should go, but we cannot stay here.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice, I’ll figure something out, you concentrate on healing yourself and…” Nines lifted Ming Xiao bridal style and gave her one final chaste kiss, “…once we’ve gotten shelter, we’ll see where we go together from here.”

Before Nines used his Celerity to speed them out of this awful place, he noticed Ming Xiao smile contently at him and rest her head on his shoulder. He had never seen her look so comfortable and relaxed in all their time together, and he hoped that he could always see her looking like that for as long they had each other…

[fayewonglibrary]

Melting of the Ice Queen (2000)

Once the music world’s Ice Queen, Faye Wong warms up to motherhood and new love as Rebecca Li uncovers.

AS Faye Wong walks into the photo studio at Chai Wan, Hong Kong, casually dressed in baby-blue pants and pink No Name sneakers that look like a cross between sports shoes and ballet slippers, she looks relaxed and girlish.

The colours of her outfit suggest that her life is absolutely bright and sunny.  Even without makeup, her eyes obscured by aviator shades, she still looks completely stunning.

Well-known for her nonchalance to the media and her chameleon-like image changes, Asia’s most charismatically enigmatic chanteuse seems to have mellowed.  Does it have anything to do with the birth of her daughter Jingtong in February 1997?

“The greatest change in me came not after the birth of my child, but after I converted to Buddhism in 1992,” says the 31-year-old.  “I used to ask myself questions like ‘Why is it so?’ But not everything in the world can be explained.  If it is so, it is so; there is no why.  If it is fated, then it is so!  You can only learn to accept your fate.  A simple principle, but easier said than done.”

LIFE GOES ON

With her divorce from Taiwanese rocker Dou Wei out of the way, Faye seems to have moved on.  The big news now is that she is dating a younger man, and not just any younger man too, but Hong Kong heartthrob Nicholas Tse, who’s all of 19.

The source of the rumor?  The pair was snapped by paparazzi earlier this year, kissing at a party in Hong Kong club Greenspot…during a drinking game.  And to add fuel to the fire, they have also been spotted having intimate dinners together on several occasions.

Gossip aside, it’s amazing how the public just cannot get enough of this long-limbed, 1.72 metre-tall Beijing-born beauty, who first set foot in Hong Kong in 1987 at the age of 18.

Back then, the artiste formerly known as Shirley Wong Ching Man didn’t even speak a word of Cantonese, and out of boredom, she enrolled herself in singing classes that helped her develop that ethereal voice that she is now so famous for.

After spending a couple of years in New York studying music, she returned to Hong Kong in 1992, changed her name to Faye, and released an album entitled COMING HOME.  The rest, as they say, is history.  In 1993, she was voted “Most Popular Asian Singer” and over the years, her star has just kept rising higher.

Within a short span of time, Faye has attained the kind of pop icon status that took her favorite singer Teresa Teng an entire lifetime to achieve.

Fans from as far as France devote entire websites to her.  Film critics in Sweden gave her the “Best Actress” award for her role in CHUNGKING EXPRESS.  Sony Playstation felt she was appealing enough to the youth market to pay her US$1 million to sing the ending theme song for their popular video game Final Fantasy 8.

If you’d holidayed in China last year and felt a thirst for Pepsi, you would have seen her gorgeous face emblazoned all over the can (that is, before the limited edition ran out).

A Japanese cellphone company used her for their commercial, but that perhaps is not even half as flattering as the fact that a Taiwanese artiste, Kung Mei Mei, released a debut album entitled I LOVE FAYE WONG.

QUEEN OF MODESTY

Faye has proven herself as one of the very few singers who have made a successful crossover into acting, with CHUNGKING EXPRESS, LOVE AFFAIR IN OKINAWA (which hit Singapore screens on 9 August) and the yet-to-be-completed 2046.  But she still remains unimpressed by her own thespian talents.

“Actually I don’t have much acting to do in LOVE AFFAIR IN OKINAWA… and it is nothing as crazy as the character in CHUNGKING EXPRESS.  It is much more normal and easy-going.”

And contrary to what others say, the movie has not been tailormade for her, she clarifies.  “Maybe they just know this is how I am, I simply can’t act.  Maybe it is because it is a different director (Peter Chan).  I have only worked with Wong Kar Wai before.  I’m more familiar with what he wants… I’m afraid of the demands from other directors, that I may not be able to meet their requirements…”

Faye says that she does not like acting because it involves teamwork and requires a lot of patience.

“For me, when you are making a movie, you have to wait.  It takes a lot of time, and it can be boring.  When you sing, you just need to go to the studio.  I would know if I have not sung a line well, so I can ask to do it again.  When it comes to acting, I wouldn’t know which way is better.  When the director says it is okay, then it’s okay for me, I wouldn’t have any opinion of my own.

"I have also sought advice from many actors, like Carina Lau, for example, who never went through formal training either.  She said, it will be fine, just keep doing it, it will come with experience!  Maybe that’s true, I’ve only made three movies, which is not much of an experience.”

While most actors eagerly dissect every film they can get their hands on, Faye says she is not even a movie buff to begin with.  “I don’t like to watch martial arts movies, war movies, period movies,” she says, without pausing for breath.  “I do watch comedies, but if it is blatantly slapstick, I will definitely not watch it.”

And contrary to how so-called “serious” actors try to get into their roles by trying to get under the skin of the character they’re taking on, Faye prefers not to get in too deep.

“When you are doing a Wong Kar Wai movie, you can never be quite in it, because you won’t even know what the story is all about.  When I was filming CHUNGKING EXPRESS, I really didn’t know what I was doing.  You have to read the script a few times to understand what he’s trying to say.  As I was playing the role, I was feeling that this girl is so irritating and inexplicable.  Haha…"  Self-mockery has always been a virtue of survivors.

LOVE ACCORDING TO FAYE

Now that she has reclaimed her "single” status, perhaps Faye will reveal the kind of man that attracts her?

But this line of questioning doesn’t get much information out of her – Faye would rather speak in generalities, and not about any specific person.  Nicholas Tse’s name is not mentioned throughout the interview.

Sexiness, Faye says, is a matter of personality, a kind of feel.  For her, there are no criteria to speak of.

“I have always been one to follow my intuition.  When it feels right, then it’s right.  The most important thing for a man is to be upright, frank, not to make me do any second-guessing, not to say one thing and do another thing.  Whether he is sexy or not is secondary.  There is not particular look that I go for.  Except that I don’t like guys that talk to much.”

Still, despite her ice queen persona, there’s still a hint that the man who manages to make her thaw will find a hopeless romantic underneath.

“I feel that everything is fated.  When a person is in love, it is like having a magic spell cast on you, you just can’t wriggle out of it, and you can’t be so level-headed as to examine yourself objectively.  Some would calculate various factors while choosing a marriage partner and decide according to one’s requirements.  But I’m definitely not someone like that.”

Translated by Ts’ Ming.

FAYE ON HER LEADING MEN

Tony Leung Chiu Wai - “I have worked with him the most number of times but never really talked to him.  I don’t understand him too well.  He doesn’t talk much, but sometimes he would behave like … he would be very affectionate, it’s rather odd.  I guess he is harder to fathom.”

Leslie Cheung - “He is a buddy.  He is someone who makes clear distinctions between what he loves and what he hates.  He would explain why he likes something and why he doesn’t like something … a headstrong type of person.”

Tony Leung Kar Fai - “He is a very agreeable character, he would share his private matters with others, things like where his family has gone traveling, what they have encountered, how his daughter is doing … I think he would make a perfect husband, very nice, caring, and attentive.”

Takuya Kimura - “Kimura is a very smart person.  But sometimes he’s very playful too.  He’s actually a very professional actor.”

UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL

On hobbies - “Shopping for clothes is no longer my hobby, I only shop for 'working clothes’, so that doesn’t count.  Recently, I haven’t’ had any hobbies.  Apart from work, I just lie around at home, or meet up with some friends.  I have not played mahjong for a long time."  (Right, who has time for mahjong when one is too busy dating?)

On music - "Thinking back on my first record, it was released without much thought, and it was not very me.  I tend to be more carefree while recording in the studio, other than that I behave very awkwardly.  I’m not one who needs to listen to music everyday.”

On pursuits - “I’m not very worried about what to eat, or what to wear, just as long as I have a place to live comfortably.  Actually I’m usually not so concerned about my appearance.  I think the only thing I care for is my records, choosing my songs, recording a good album.  Although there are some works that I’m satisfied with, I still hope to do more.”

On happiness - “A lot of times, that’s just a state of mind.  As long as you know how to let go, you will be much happier.”

On her daughter - “I never planned to have children.  I’m not a patient person but I tend to be nicer to children.  Fortunately, Jing Tong is not naughty at all.  I will not interfere with her future, my responsibility is just to raise her.  Whichever path she takes from then on would be her own, that’s beyond my control.”

MAKING OF A COVER GIRL

Faye Wong has a habit of browsing through magazines while making up.  She would rather stay a while longer than to rush an interview while making up and doing her hair.  Such insistence is rare among entertainers, but how else to share your thoughts with so many people around to interrupt?

So this reporter had to watch her making up, doing her hair, trying her dress and taking the polaroids for a full five hours.  But that helped her to warm up and made it easier to strike up a conversation.

As expected, her daughter Jing Tong turned up at 5:30 pm sharp, insisted on a hug and kiss, and on being Faye’s personal dresser – she followed Mum into the changing room.  Faye looked completely transformed as she emerged, and her daughter started to mimic her, much to everyone’s amusement.

During the interview, the cute little girl interrupted three or four times, but she also knew when to back off after every act, without being told off.

As the interview drew to a close, Jing Tong grew more and more impatient.  She shouted with all her might:  “Mum, Mum, let’s go home!"  It sounded like a little wish that was too long suppressed.

------------------------------------------------------------------

SOURCE: ELLE

[heretherebedork]

Ming broke Joe originally but Tong is the one who made sure Ming was always broken so he could never see how to heal and love Joe until it was too late. Ming might think this is his second chance and he might be controlling and he is toxic and the show knows it but Joe still loves him and still looks for him and still wants him there even when he tells him to let him go, still looks for him and turns to him.

Joe is dead but Joe is also alive, Joe has as second chance and he keeps saying he doesn't want to repeat the same mistakes but he seeks out the footsteps he left behind with a desperation that would break anyone else.

Ming is trying to rebuild himself with the same gold he used to fix the mugs Joe broke when he broke his heart. He loves without knowing how to love and so his love hurts because his love is literally learning how to love in the first place.

That's why the show hurts so much. That's why Ming's grief and loss hits without removing anything from Joe's grief and loss, without lessening Joe's anger at him or diminishing the hurt he caused.

Ming is a man who learned to love from the person he hurt the most deeply and Joe is a man who still loves the man who lead to his death despite knowing that he should find a way to let him go. They are both men from whom love was not healing and for whom a home was never their home and now they found each other again.

Yes, this is Joe's chance to live and to fix his mistakes and, yes, Ming hurt him and broke him in the first place but the future they're building is one together.

And then Tong gets kicked off a cliff.

[bellatrixobsessed1]

Wrought Iron Machine (Final Part)

It hasn’t taken long at all for the headlines to announce her vocal struggles and declining health, to have them plastered for everyone to see. Even if she wants to she can’t say anything on her own behalf. She reads another headline; ‘Has the Fire Been Put Out: Fire Of Agni Frontwoman Loses Voice.’

Azula sits in an emergency room back in the Fire Nation, they still don’t have the equipment to correct the worsened cyst. For the time they only monitor her vitals and pain-levels. She doesn’t think much about the pain though. Her head is preoccupied by the image of her father’s complacent look of satisfaction. By the realization that she had made a fool of herself at the world’s most extravagant and esteemed music competition. By the thought that she will never talk, much less,  sing again.

She doesn’t know which matter concerns her the most, she supposes that they are all interconnected. Even if she does recover, after unleashing such an Agni-awful, ear-piercing sound on stage she can’t imagine that she’ll be getting another invite to Southern Air Sounds. Her musical career is over. Her only option is to wander back to her father and hope that she can win him over with her firebending talents. She can’t beg him for another chance if she can’t speak.

There is a pressure behind her eyes and she wants to let it out. But crying will only do more damage to her delicate vocal cords. The doctor warns as much. So she tries her best to choke back her embarrassment and grief.

She truly hopes that she won’t hear from her father anytime soon, she can’t take it. Zuko takes a seat next to her and squeezes her hand. She appreciates his company and the gesture, but it is little condolences. Just as little as TyLee’s tight hugs and loving kisses. Mai tries to assure her that the crowd was kind. “They weren’t saying anything bad about you, you know? After the show everyone was just asking if you were okay.”

“They were really worried.” Zuko adds.

“Someone told me to give this to you!” TyLee smiles. She hands her a stuffed fire ferret and a get well soon card. Azula takes them without a sound, she barely looks up. She isn’t sure who is rubbing her back but she thinks that it is either Zuko or TyLee.

“Do you…” she rasps but it is broken and painful so she ceases trying to vocalize her question.

“Here.” Mai pushes her a pad of papers. She pushes it back, opting to spell her question in the air with fire. If she can’t speak she may as well make it look cool. With her fire she asks if they’ve been barred from attending S.A.S in the future. It is easier to simply use the acronym so that is what she does.

“I don’t think so. We were doing amazing up until…” Mai trails off.

“They said that they admired our creativity and ability to improvise.” Zuko points out.

‘No thanks to me.’ She spells out.

“Creativity!” TyLee points out. “They liked your idea to have an instrumental number. None of the other bands did that.”

It is only a sliver of reassurance. At least she hasn’t completely messed up. She stares at her hands. She just wants her voice back.

The pain finally begins setting in, it rips at her throat bringing tears to her eyes.

Zuko’s back rubs increase.

“Are you alright, Azula?” TyLee asks, her eyes sympathetic.

She only has it in her to spell out, “hurts.” She curls herself up

.oOo.

The temples are stunning, more stunning than Kuvira remembers. They have added some decorative chandeliers. She feels blessed that they have invited her to stay. She and the rest of her band have been invited to a dinner with the three bands that performed after hers. An unexpected but every bit as welcomed victory surprise.

She triple checks her hair and attire. She has her hair in another neat and tight braided bun and has applied a touch of makeup to her face. “How is this, Baatar?”

“I already told you that you look amazing.” He replies, “can we just have dinner?”

“Yeah, I’m getting hungry and I hear that the wine is fantastic.” Ghazan remarks, putting his arm around Ming.  

“You’re always hungry.” P’Li remarks.

“Correct.” He winks.

Kuvira adds a comb hair clip to her outfit and checks the mirror for a fourth time. She wants to leave a good impression if she is going to be dining with musical legends. Baatar takes her hand and pulls her away from the mirror. “I think that that’s perfect.”

“You say that about everything I wear.” Kuvira points out.

“Because everything you wear is perfect.”

“Ugg.” P’Li grumbles. “Definitely didn’t miss that.”

Kuvira unfolds a cloth map and leads her band down the hall. Baatar links his arm with hers. They wander for some time, stopping on one occasion to see the Southern Air hall of fame. It is organized by category from jazz to pop and folk to metal. Kuvira scans the category reserved for the musical legends, it is surreal to see an image of their band among them. It is from their performance three days prior.  

“Now Ming, don’t touch anything.” Ghazan says.

“Ha. Funny man.” She mutters.

As they chatter, Kuvira wanders further down the hall viewing the metal category and finding a second image of Wrought Iron Machine. Still it is dream-like to see it hanging there in a frame of swirling gold. The rest of her band comes to catch up with her. She comes to the last category, a seemingly new sub category. There is only a single photograph in the section for bands with the most unique concepts.

She wonders if they are even aware being as they were forced to depart so soon.

Baatar nudges her, “we’re going to be late.”

Kuvira picks up her pace and soon she is standing before a set of almost absurdly long double doors. The insignia of the air nomads is carved at the center of both of them. Kuvira takes a breath and smooths a few wrinkles out of her outfit. Baatar rubs her shoulders encouragingly.

She heaves the doors open and makes her way to the empty chairs reserved for she and her band. “Welcome.” Greets Karou. The frontman of Wan Shi Tong’s Waltz sits at the head of the table, their dinner and competition host.

It is somewhat hard to maintain composure, the result of some residual teenage crush that never had a chance to fully extinguish.

“Thank you.” Baatar fills in for her. “We’re honored to be guests here.”

Karou shakes their hands each in turn. “And I’d like to personally congratulate you for joining us in the hall of fame and for the baby. Perhapst the child will share your musical talents.”

Kuvira smiles. “Thank you. I hope the same.” Even if the child has other interests she makes a very special point to let them flourish. “Though she may take up Baatar’s fascination with machines.”

Another woman speaks, Xing-Bora from Tears of Yue. “I think we should also congratulate the two of you for saving your marriage and the band.”

“It’s a wonder you all pulled through so close to the competition.” Remarks Chong. “What was that about anyways?”

His own wife nudges him. “Apologies, he still has is countryside manners.”   

P’Li scoffs, “we’ll forgive him if you all forgive Ghazan for being a human disaster.”

“It’s a long story.” Kuvira cuts in before they can start a secondhand embarrassment inducing round of bickering. “To put it simply, even though I let him name the band,” Kuvira sneaks in, “he felt as though he didn’t get enough creative freedom.”

Baatar rubs the back of his head. “A man needs to show his brilliance every now and again.”

Conversation breaks off momentarily as appetizers are passed around. Kuvira resumes the chatter with a simple. “It was a pleasure to see you perform.” An understatement.

“And a pleasure to listen to your band as well.” Karou returns cheerfully. “I was hoping that you would be willing to perform during our next competition.” He pauses. “Of course, you won’t be able to perform as a contestant. Instead you will be performing with us during the esteemed after-competition show.”

“We certainly plan on it.” Kuvira replies. Though she isn’t entirely certain what ten years will bring. How their child will impact their band. She decides to take things as they come and hope for the best.

“It will be hard to top this decade’s contest.” Chong notes.

“It was certainly eventful.” Xing-Bora remarks. “It’s a shame about Fire of Agni…”

“How is the girl?” Chong’s wife asks.

“If the headlines are to be trusted, she’s due for surgery sometime within the month.” Karou replies.

“I hope that it works.” Chong’s wife says softly.

“Yes,” Kuvira adds. “She…” she isn’t sure if she should use past or present tense. She feels optimistic. “She has a very unique talent, I don’t think that I’ve heard a voice like hers.” Again, her heart pangs for the girl.

“I thought that your band didn’t like theirs.”

“It was a phase.” P’Li waves her hand dismissively. “We needed someone to shit talk so we wouldn’t shit talk each other.”

“We did it anyways.” Ghazan shrugged.

“No less, the kids have talent.” Karou speaks. “I would love to see them back next time around. They have it in them to win if Azula makes a full recovery. They have it in them to win even if she only recovers partially.”

Their discussion dies down again as the main course is set before them. Kuvira takes the opportunity to gaze at the other tables; like their own two others are lined with golden tablecloths. They host other past winners of Southern Air Sounds. The ones lined in silver host the second placers and the honorable mentions. And a bunch of others tables a reserved for audience members and bands that had paid to have seating. She sees four empty spots at the silver tables. Karou follows her gaze. “We figured that it would be respectful to have a spot open for them even if they can’t fill them.”

Kuvira nods.

The rest of their dinner is mundane. She inquires some about the bands and styles that have influenced Wan Shi Tong’s Waltz and Ghazan makes a few off-color remarks as the beer gets to him. Ming really only speaks to ask why her ice cream is topped with two cherries while everyone else only has one. It is more laid back than she has anticipated. And it goes by much faster. It seems as though they have barely finished desert when guests start heading for the door.

Karou turns to her and hands her an envelope. “Your prize money and an invite to our next competition.”

Kuvira will have to split the prize money when she gets a chance.

“If you run into Fire of Agni before they receive their letter, do tell them that they have been invited.”

“I can hand them their letter personally.”

.oOo.

The surgery leaves her terribly anxious. They say that it can ruin her voice. All the same she wonders if it even matters, she has already done that herself.  She does wish, though, that they hadn’t told her of the possibility of something going wrong enough to kill her. On the other hand, she no longer knows if she is entirely opposed to that.

She faintly thinks that she is being overly dramatic. If nothing else she still has TyLee. She still has Zuko and Mai.

The three have worked so hard to uplift her spirits. To remind her not to bother with her father. To remind her that she still has a spot in the band. They don’t tell her how, they leave her to remind herself that she can still play the guitar. That she can still organize the band and design their sets and write their lyrics.

She repeats the reminders to herself as TyLee pulls her into her arms. She doesn’t particularly want to be held at the moment, she has received enough pity and babying, but she doesn’t resist either. TyLee holds her tightly, it is almost too brief because a nurse comes to beckon her forward.

Azula listens to them explain the procedure to her, cringing inwardly at some of the descriptors. After a certain point she wonders if she even wants to know. She decides that she does, she wants to know exactly what to expect.

Not long after, she finds herself drifting into a drug induced sleep.

She wakes up groggy. She opens her mouth to speak but is immediately scolded. It takes her mind a moment to catch back up with her. The words die on her lips. She sits herself upright, they let her do so but it leaves her feeling dizzy so she goes to lay back down. Zuko holds her up as TyLee props a pillow up for her. She scans the room for Mai and finds the girl leaning against the wall as quietly as ever.

Doctor Fing-Sho reappears, taking a seat next to her bed. “I have a few instructions for you.”

Azula nods.

“Obviously I advise that you talk as little as possible for the first two weeks, perhaps three. When you do speak, be brief. Don’t yell or try to sing.” He pauses and she nods her understanding again. “Your voice will sound very hoarse. This can last up to eight weeks. We can start vocal therapy during week three. I know I said you can begin talking more after two weeks, but I would like to play on the safe side. You are very lucky that we were able to fix the damage you’ve done.”

Azula subtly gnaws the inside of her cheek.

“With that said, I recommend that you find yourself a vocal trainer who specializes in musical techniques.”

Azula nods once more.

“Finally, you have a visitor.”  Fing-Sho smiles.

Azula knits her brows and then the panic sets in. Rather quickly she spells with fire, that she doesn’t want to see her father.

“It’s not your father.” The doctor replies.

Using her fire she vocalizes her approval and Fing-Sho beckons her visitor into the room. Azula tries to hide a scowl when she sees the face of the woman who she’d handed her victory over to. Kuvira makes herself as comfortable as she can in a hospital chair. She rests one hand on the arm rest and her other on her belly. “I hope you don’t mind me coming by.”

Azula absolutely does, but she doesn’t use her fire to depict as much.

“I actually came by to give you something.” She holds an envelope out.

Azula reaches for it and her brows knit again at the sight of the seal.

“There was an after party of sorts. I spoke to Karou, he says that he hopes to see you at the next competition.

Azula’s face softens, the woman is doing a good job of breaking the ice whether she wants to admit it or not.

“He believes that you will do well even if you don’t make a full recovery, I don’t know if that makes things any better.”

This time she does let the woman know that it does not.

Kuvira gives a small laugh. “I didn’t think so. Not much made me feel better when Fing-Sho worked with me…”

Azula tilts her head so Kuvira elaborates.

“Awhile back...a long while, Wrought Iron Machine tried to do something like your first album. I don’t have the vocal type you do. I messed my voice up rather quickly trying to force something that I wasn’t good at.” She shrugs.

“Why are you here?” Zuko asks. “Your band hates ours.”

Kuvira shrugs a second time. “We don’t hate your band. We just...got a little competitive.”

How diplomatic, Azula thinks to herself.

“We were falling out of the limelight and you were in it.”

She is the jealous type.

“You’ve created a sound that no one has heard before and...we wanted to do that for ourselves.” She pauses. “A success by the way.”

“Well congratulations.” Mai grumbles, “it’s our turn to be on the bottom.”

“That’s not what I meant.” Kuvira replies. “I meant that your creation was a success. You have a spot in the Southern Air Sounds hall of fame for it.”

“We do?” TyLee smiles.

“Yes, you do.” She turns back to Zuko. “To answer your question; I’m here to make amends.”

Azula frowns. She has very little interest in the woman, she is condescending and self-righteous. She folds her arms over her chest and glowers at Kuvira. The woman looks terribly unfazed. Azula supposes that she isn’t all that intimidating in a hospital gown and without her voice.

“You remind me of myself. You have reckless ambition. A drive to make it to the top.” She pauses again. “I’ve only ever seen that kind of determination when it’s all or nothing.” Again she halts. “Mine comes from spite I suppose. My parents thought that my dreams were foolish so they dumped me on the side of the road for trying to pursue them. I was hoping that my appearance in Southern Air Sounds...” She breaks off. “I just thought that they would show up. For some reason I expected them to. I don’t think that they even know who I am anymore.”    

Azula wishes that the woman hadn’t shared because now there is a sort of connection, now she feels inclined to hear the woman out. Zuko speaks first. “I don’t know if you heard about it but Azula and I didn’t leave home willingly either.

Kuvira nods empathetically. “I had a feeling. I know what an abandoned child looks like…”

She remains quiet in thought for a long while. “That’s also why I’m here. I have another offer for you.”

.oOo.

The house is quiet. Quiet and empty. She and Baatar haven’t quite gotten around to moving all of their furniture in. P’Li, Ghazan, and Ming-Hua have taken to exploring their new neighborhood. Kuvira herself decides to stay home and try to tidy the place up a bit, plan out how she’d like to lay out their furniture. She looks over Baatar’s ideas, deciding that they are probably good enough. The man in question is away as well, somewhere between his childhood home and their new one, driving a large satomobile full of their possessions. She would love to help but they are down to the heaviest of their belongings and she has already received a good scolding from her doctor against heavy lifting.

Eventually she resigns to that she is six months along and needs to take it easy. She supposes it isn’t so bad, she hasn’t left him totally alone. He has help from his brothers and from Zuko. Most comfortingly, he has Lin’s assistance. Kuvira is half convinced that the very reason so much progress has been made in their move because of Lin alone.

Azula wanders into the nearly barren room, Kuvira didn’t hear her come in and wonders how long she has been there. She doesn’t talk much and Kuvira, at first, assumed that the girl was still weary of hurting her voice further. But she has come to find that the firebender is simply a quieter person. When she does speak it is typically soft-spoken. The kind of soothing timbre Kuvira had been expecting and not expecting all at once. Looking at her, it makes perfect sense but after hearing only her music for so long it is hard to imagine her speaking so softly.

“How was therapy.”

“It was…” she thinks for a moment, “it went better than last time.” There is still a hoarser undertone to her voice, but the raspiness is becoming less pronounced as the healing process continues.

Kuvira has cup of tea ready. It is still steaming when she pours it for the girl. “Here, drink.”

Azula takes the cup in her hands. “Uncle makes better tea.”

The girl has a bit of a difficult temperament, Kuvira has learned to brush off her more prickly moods. She no longer takes the more off-handed commentary to heart.

“It’s not the taste that matters, it’s the effect.” Raava knows that the girl has fought her on this many a times. Kuvira stands by her opinion; as long as the tea can help soothe the girl’s throat, it is serving its purpose.

Azula routinely argues that Kuvira should learn to make better tea if she is going to make her drink it every other day.

“Have a seat.” Kuvira offers only to have the firebender decline.

“I like standing.” She sips at the tea, just once before holding it over a small fire in her palm.

“I’ve never seen firebending like that.”

“It’s actually quite common for firebenders to heat their tea like this.”

Kuvira rolls her eyes, feeling a faint hint of amusement. “I’ve never seen someone use blue fire.”

Azula gives a prideful smile. “Good. I like to think that it is something only I can do.”

The remark is the loudest Kuvira has heard from the girl since adopting her. She wonders if the firebender’s voice had always been this soft or if it is the product of her injury. She tries to recall one of Fire Of Agni’s interviews. Before she can truly reach a decision her thoughts are cut off by a very loud and very cheerful, “Oh Azula! You’re home!” Kuvira watches the other girl throw her arms around Azula who returns the gesture by awkwardly patting her girlfriend’s head.

“It’s good to see you too, Ty.”

Kuvira finds it hard to resist making an inquiry. “Was her voice always this quiet?”

TyLee thinks for a moment. “Hmmm. Sort of. She used to talk a little louder, but not that much.”

“You need more tea.” Kuvira declares, needing an excuse to be on her feet.

“You need to get out of the house.” Azula shoots back.

The girl isn’t entirely wrong. But her tone of voice comes with a touch of sass. Kuvira supposes that it will do her well to get used to it. Her baby will be a teen eventually. Raising--though she uses the term loosely--the former princess, her brother, and friends has been an interesting feat to say the least. She doesn’t know how Suyin has managed to raise all of her children and Kuvira herself.

“I suppose that I will when Baatar gets home.” Kuvira says at last.

“What are you going to name it?” TyLee changes the subject.

Before she can give her answer Azula grumbles, “you better not name it after Karou.”

“We had two names in mind.” Kuvira replies. “Setsuko and Kotone.”

“Setsuko.” Azula casts her vote and TyLee nods in agreement.

Azula hands Kuvira her cup. “I don’t know what you want me to do with this.”

“Whatever my servants used to do with them.” Azula shrugs.

“I’m not your servant. I’m your mother.” It is still somewhat strange to say.

Frowning, Azula hands the cup to TyLee who flounces over to the sink and washes it. Kuvira rolls her eyes. One of these days she will have to get the girl to do her own dishes.

It would seem as though TyLee doesn’t share any of the awkward feelings. “Are you coming to or show tonight, mom? It’s our first one since S.A.S.”

“I’ll be there.” She replies.

“Good because it’s going to be my first time singing that many songs. And Azula has been really working hard on learning to play the guitar.”

“I thought that you already knew how to play it.”

“I put more focus into singing.” Azula shrugs. “But if I can’t do that, I might as well make myself known for play the guitar better than everyone else.”

So that is why Ghazan has been strumming his bass so intensely. She wonders if it is truly possible that her fiance is in an unspoken competition with a teenager. It begins to dawn on Kuivra that she has created a very bizzare family for herself. She supposes that she likes it this way, it keeps her occupied.

.oOo.

The past few months leave the former princess wondering why she had gone out of her way to create scandals and article material. Headlines seem to be coming left and right these days. The headlines have long since made note of Kuvira adopting four fire children with speculations ranging from simple observations to theories that they are about to form one large band.

The chatter of that had only just died down when Azula’s former rival found herself to be the subject of a new brand of talk with a slew of invasive journalists trying to get the first shot of the woman’s newborn. A seperate news article reported P’Li landing a good punch on one of the particularly eager ones.

For herself, Azula’s voice and the state of it are in constant discussion. The latest article unveils her plans to begin singing again. For the time it will  be reserved for the recording studio only and depending on how that goes, she will be singing on stage when they tour alongside Wrought Iron Machine.

She is reluctant to thank Kuvira. Albeit a bit overbearing, the woman has gone out of her way to pass down a few of the vocal technique and warm ups she has learned. With the woman occupied by her baby girl, Azula almost misses having her lingering in the studio with her. But she has TyLee for company. Soon she will have Zuko and Mai as well. They are late again because Zuko refuses to leave without his beanie. Maybe if her brother kept his room more organized, he wouldn’t run into such a struggle. Perhaps she can get Kuvira to nag the boy. Such is another area of common ground; they both wish that one of their bandmates could tidy up a bit.

All in all, she is growing used to and fond of referring to the metalbender as her mother. She is closer to her than she had been with her real mother. And the woman, though prone to being somewhat of a hardass is kinder than her own father ever was. She is nearly at a point where she doesn’t miss her real parents at all. But if Kuvira is anything to go by, the disappointment never truly leaves.

Azula uses the spare time to get her new lyrics in order and her equipment adjusted. Her line of thinking switches. She is somewhat nervous to be back in the studio. Doctor Fing-Sho insists that her vocal cords are mostly healed, that the therapy is doing them very well. Yet there is still a faint tingle at the back of her mind that she can tear them apart again.

Screaming is still off of the table, at least for the time being. She is allowed a line or two of harsh vocals but it is advised that she doesn’t perform a set with them every single night. For now she will leave Zuko with that job and take up the gentler vocals.

No matter how solid her plan is she still feels vaguely insecure. The change is so subtle but she still finds that she can’t speak as loudly as before and there is still a very slight rasp to her voice that is going to take some getting used to.

Perhaps it will make her stand out. It isn’t a vocal quality many others have. TyLee speculates as much anyhow.

Finally the door opens. But it is not Zuko who enters.

Kuvira leans in the doorway Setsuko in one arm and a tea set in the other. Azula admires the woman’s creativity, she uses a metal platter, bending it to keep the porcelain on it from falling.

“I wrote a letter to the Jasmine Dragon a while back.” She says as she sets the tea set down. She brushes her fingers over the baby’s cheek. “You better like it this time.”

“Thank you.” Azula picks up the cup. It is heated to a satisfactory degree, things are off to a good start.

Baatar appears in the doorway. “Suyin says that she can watch Setsuko while we reccord tomorrow.”

“Thank Raava.” Kuvira mutters. She hands the baby over to the man.

Azula notes that the woman definitely looks worn. Her hair is some straggly and she is still wearing pajama bottoms. Baatar slips his free arm around the woman’s waist.

“What are you going to do today?” Azula asks.

“While Baatar watches Setsuko, I was going to take P’Li to visit Zaheer in prison.”

Azula krinkles her brows. “Seriously.”

Kuvira nods.

“Have a grand time.”

Kuvira laughs. “If you need anything just call Baatar.”

Azula nods. As Kuvira and Baatar leave, Mai, TyLee, and Zuko make their appearance. “It’s about time. I was about to start on my solo album.”

Zuko bumps her shoulder. “Good to have you back, Azula.”

It is nice to be in the studio again.

[dramaclover]

Ending & Thoughts: The Forgotten Day

I was highly looking forward to this drama. I really missed Roger Kwok & Shaun Tam has improved so much. And the theme is a thriller with comedic moments. With a total of 27 episodes which to me was a bad idea.

The Plot

So it’s mainly about Ng Yiu Chong (Roger Kwok) accidentally getting involved with the kidnapping of Ming Yat Yin (Shaun Tam). After Yat Yin is saved by his wife Freeya Yau (Grace Wong) who brought the ransom money & helped him escape he arrived home to his Dad Mung Kwan Sui (David Chiang) and in the span of 24 hours he argues with Freeya which culminates her into leaving & then he develops amnesia. Hence the forgotten day. Interesting storyline but it had too many filler episodes. The biggest plot line would be about what happened to Freeya? Where did she go? Why did she leave? And of course is she even alive? Unfortunately, they dragged it out so long that it got super boring & my patience was running out.

The beginning episodes were fun to watch as Yiu Chong tries so hard to not let Yat Yin know he was also involved with the kidnapping.

From episodes 1-10 it’s been pretty good as they set up the story but episodes 11- 23 were pretty tragic. Tragic as in pointless. We get tidbits of what possibly happened to Freeya but every time we learn something new the main villain Ye Wan Sze (Max Cheung) seemingly spoils it. & we start back at zero. It was honestly frustrating watching every episode cause at that point I only cared about what happened to Freeya. I don’t care about whether Yiu Chong & his ex wife Maya Sze (Zoie Tam) get back together or not (only cause it got draggy). I also don’t care about Yat Yins younger sister Siu Dous (Lisa Lau) random romantic storyline. Or even the pointless character of Nam Hoi Ching (Roxanne Tong). Literally the mystery of Freeya was what kept me going!

The Plot Twist

It really should’ve been 20 episodes, the filler storylines was just too much. It’s a pity cause from episode 24 onwards it gets real thrilling with a lot of plot twists. Episode 24 is when we finally find out that Freeya has indeed been dead the whole time. I was sad. Even though her dying made the most sense. I still secretly wished that maybe she was kidnapped & hidden somewhere. Ye Wan Sze whose literally been sketchy the whole friggin time turned out to be completely innocent of the crime. He was only involved with kidnapping Yat Yin, stealing & entrapping one of the kidnappers. I was actually so shocked that he was innocent. What a great fake out that the writers wrote in. I was so convinced he hid or murdered Freeya. But nope. All those time where the plan towards finding Freeya is spoiled, he just happened to be around.

Now I knew Yat Yin’s Dad is not innocent. Namely, cause he’s always acting weird. As in he doesn’t want to talk about kidnapping. Doesn’t want to go to the police about it. So I thought he was probably behind the kidnapping. But nope he has another ulterior motive. & that was Yat Yin was the one that caused Freeya’s death. It was pretty surprising for me at first. Cause my mind was just racking around it either being Ye Wan Sze, or Yiu Chongs sister Shun Mei (Elvina Kong). Mostly because Yat Yin dreamt him killing Freeya. After that part it spoiled it. That happened in episode 25. There’s still 2 episodes left, so it really spoiled it. The reveal would’ve been better if it had happened at 27. Because after he dreamt it in episode 25 it all made sense. Why his Dad is always persuading him to leave Hong Kong. Him telling Yat Yin to divorce his wife. Why he’s against him investigating in Freeya. But cause he dreamt it so early, what happens afterwards in 26 & 27 was no longer a surprise & we could easily interpret what happened.

And it was correct. He did chase Freeya down demanding for the money back (as he believes she took the money to leave with another man). As he chases her down he accidentally causes Freeya to fall down a dangerous slope hill & she dies. His Dad who followed from behind sees what happens & tries to cover up the crime. So it all became too predictable after that. Despite that it was written really well. I never suspected Yat Yin to be the one. Though he made the most sense since he randomly got amnesia after she went missing. But I was sooo focused on the other red herrings I forgot about him. Bravo. Very well done.

The Characters

Boy. This drama had way to many unnecessary characters. But first things first. TVB DID GRACE WONG SO WRONG. Why the eff did you name her the female lead & put her so high up in the poster when she barely gets 5 episodes of screentime in a 27 episode drama?? I knew this would be a male dominated drama but this was way too extreme. Like why? She appears semi prominently in the first 2-3 episodes and then after that just flashbacks. & most of the flashbacks are just rehash of the scenes we saw in the first couple of episodes! She can’t even be considered a “special guest star” because the amount she appeared was so pathetic. They could’ve literally casted some random newbie actress instead of wasting her time.

Freeya was such a tragic character though. She dearly loves her husband & does everything she can for him. She has thrown tantrums here and there but it was only to get Yat Yin’s attention. I’m so upset that they were convinced that she had an affair with another man & believes she took the money & ran. The fact Yat Yin believed it pisses me off. First of all, if she planned on running away with a man why should she risk her life to pay the ransom & save you? She literally could’ve used that time to take the money and run while everyone else is distracted. Secondly, the money that was taken out for ransom was the money she & Yat Yin saved. If she was selfish she wouldn’t have used that money. Third of all, how can you not tell how much she loved you? After all those years you actually can’t trust your wife at all? Freeya disappeared for 2 months & those 2 months she was painted as a money hungry adulteress. It’s ironic cause in these 2 months Yat Yin ends up having a one night stand with Hoi Ching. So in the end he’s the one that wasn’t faithful. She literally died cause she wanted to protect the only savings left she has with her husband. & the fact it was her own husband that helped cause her death is crushing. Her death was an accident as it was raining & she slipped but if Yat Yin had trusted her & actually listened to her this whole incident wouldn’t have happened. Justice for Freeya please.

The second female lead is played by Roxanne unfortunately she also barely got any screentime. What is with TVB and naming the 2 female leads as female leads when they really aren’t? Hoi Ching was such an unneeded character as well. Since she’s a therapist, I thought she would be the key to unlocking Yat Yin’s lost memories. But nope she didn’t. She wasn’t helpful at all except for the time she suggested to him to hire a private investigator. She was only there as a one sided love interest to Yat Yin. And that random one night stand was so dumb. What was the whole point of that? They don’t end up together & honestly her character sorta just disappeared towards the end & we don’t even know what happened to her. Her crush towards Yat Yin never solidified into anything. And the one night stand just leaves a bitter taste as she knows he isn’t over Freeya so she kinda took advantage of the moment. You can remove her character and it would not effect the storyline at all.

Siu Dou is the true female lead. She got the most screentime with her boring & unnecessary love line with a veterinary doctor. Her storyline never even connected with the main one. Her only connection was just being the sister of Yat Yin. She was only used to fill up the episode quota. The amount of times I’ve banged my head cause I had to sit through watching romance counterpart was deadly. Like it’s nice to see her struggle with her insecurity of being born with a birthmark and all. But I didn’t choose to watch this drama for her love line.

Maya also got way more screentime then the so called female leads. Sadly, her character was also annoying. She’s always just yelling at Yiu Chong. & Yiu Chong is not much better he’s always pestering her to get back together. And not taking no for an answer. I can’t blame her for not wanting to get back together with him since he’s always lying to her & gambled away their savings. And even though I liked them together as a couple the “will they or won’t they” get back together storyline was prolonged for way too long. And the appearance of the doctor who fell for Maya was so cringy. I even thought the doctor had something to do with Freeyas disappearance cause it was just so random how a smart rich doctor, fell for a soon to be divorced lady who has a husband following her around & a son that she shares with said husband. & remember this plot literally takes place within the 2 months Freeya went missing. & by then the doctor wants to PROPOSE?? Man they dated for like one month tops and he wants to propose? THE DIVORCE AINT EVEN FINALIZED YET. I felt icky whenever they show the doctor & Maya together cause it felt way too forced. And the doctor got way more screentime then needed. It took Maya too long to realize that she still wanted to be with Yiu Chong. I liked that they got back together as he only ever loved her & Maya never got over him she just wanted to move on with her life. It would’ve been nicer if they had Yiu Chong finally get a stable job & show Maya that he has changed and then finally get together.

The only female character that made the most sense & actually central to the story was Shun Mei. Cause she’s Ye Wan Sze ex wife & she secretly got back together with him. But her character is dumb too. She’s always getting fooled by him. He was only using her as a cover & for money since she like worships him. Her character is also besties with Freeya. I started suspecting she might be involved with Freeya’s disappearance as well cause she was acting weird. On the night Freeya went missing she was “going around door to door” looking for Ye Wan Sze. She didn’t have an alibi & she was gone for an hour. When she & Yiu Chong find Freeya’s lost bag that had a hidden camera. She wanted to be the one to uncover the footage & she was against Yiu Chong in giving the hidden camera to the police. But I guess all that we’re just things the writers wrote to throw the audiences off or the 3 episodes they cut out would’ve explained more. But she’s completely innocent whose loyal to her brothers despite how dumb she is in love. The siblings love was very endearing to watch. & I really liked how she as the sister was always trying to protect them.

Ye Wan Sze is literally one smart criminal. He outsmarted sooo many people. I have to give it to him he played the villain pretty well. I was also impressed with despite how he’s money hungry he would never turn to murder. Like he’ll do anything illegal but murder. & he semi redeemed himself when he chose not to reveal Yiu Chong as one of the kidnappers. He also helped take the suspicions off of Yiu Chong & Shun Mei by revealing that the cellphone must’ve been planted by Yat Yin’s Dad. I mean he could’ve just said that cellphone was planted by them. It would’ve been easier to just blame solely Yiu Chong & them as they have the motive. I thought his character would be like “since I’m going down, I’m taking you down with me” but I guess he was touched by Shun Mei’s love in the end?

The fatherly love Kwan Sui had with Yat Yin was amazing. The amount of work he put in just to hide the truth because he knew it would crush him. He literally pretended to be Freeya & got rid of evidence so Yat Yin could move on. & when Yat Yin turned against him, he didn’t say a word. He just wanted Yat Yin to be safe & didn’t care about what happened to him. He even took the fall for Freeya’s death, just cause he couldn’t bear for Yat Yin to know & go to jail. Even in the end he told Yiu Chong to take Yat Yin away from Hong Kong cause he doesn’t want him to ever remember what happened that day.

The Ending

I’m glad that in the end nobody died. Well other than Freeya which is so sad as she died trying to keep a bag of money that no longer had money in it. It could be cause I’m so used to people dying in these type of thriller dramas, I kept thinking “omg she’s gonna die next”. But nope I was wrong they all survived. No one ends up going to jail which is a bit unrealistic since Yat Yin’s Dad tried to hide the truth & got rid of evidence. I liked that Yat Yin was announced to not be the cause of Freeya’s death as it was considered accidental. And the cops couldn’t pin Yiu Chong down as one of the kidnappers as no one ratted him out? (I don’t really get it as one of the kidnappers did name him at first but when it got to trial he changed his statement & said he wasn’t involved). Maya realized she still loved Yiu Chong & seemingly gets back together with him. We don’t know what happened with Hoi Ching but my guess is she went separate ways with Yat Yin as he got his memories back & is still not over Freeya. It’s sad Hoi Chings character didn’t amount to anything & they didn’t talk about her at all. In the end she had a sorta relationship with Yat Yin so I’m surprised they didn’t address it at the end. But I also learned it was supposed to be 30 episodes but they cut out the last 3 so I guess in the midst of the editing of it, they decided it wasn’t important to include Hoi Ching in the epilogue. It ends with Yiu Chong & Yat Yin drinking coffee and saying how they will always be friends.

Overall. It’s hard for me to say it was a bad drama or not. It was way too unnecessarily draggy & the fillers were soo annoying to watch. Freeya’s disappearance was dragged out to death. The last couple of episodes were so well done with the plot twist & reveal it was so great to watch. They really should’ve had it be 20 episodes. It would’ve been more action packed and thrilling. I say watch the first 10 episodes then skip to 23 cause you won’t miss out much & still get what happens.

[sincerelyauden]

The True Ikigai

Ikigai.

The Japanese call it ikigai (生き甲斐), or the reason for being. Ikigai gives us the meaning of life - what makes us wake up everyday, what satisfies us, and what makes our life worthwhile.

Kobayashi Tsukasa explains that true ikigai can only be achieved if "the satisfaction of various desires, love and happiness, encounters with others, and a sense of value of life" proceed towards self-realization on the basis of personal maturity (Ikigai).

We live and strive to find our own ikigai - our true purpose in life.

The day was July 24, 2008. It was the day I packed everything I owned and left the Philippines. It marked the beginning of my active attempts to forget everything I left in that country. I wanted to lose sight of who I was to have a clean slate in this place I will start referring to as my new home.

This new country is very unforgiving - my strong Filipino accent was not going to help me advance in life. My "traditional" and "backwards" culture was not going to help me build a social circle. The "exotic" food I was familiar with was not socially accepted. I needed to forget who I was to fit into this new country.

I attended middle school and high school in a very Mexican-heavy community. All my friends were Mexican and they normalized their "Mexican-ness". This was very detrimental to the mind of a twelve-year-old Asian immigrant because he never saw himself in the crowd and grew up without having the chance for his culture to be celebrated. The whole school talked about Cinco de Mayo and Día de los Muertos, while I left my home during Chinese New Year hearing no celebrations: no red lanterns, no dragon dances, and no red envelopes.

My circle talk about their childhood songs in Rebelde together, but I never had a moment to share my excitement towards my childhood songs from Meteor Garden. I started making myself believe I grew up with a very strong Spanish influence in my childhood years with "Asereje" and "Gasolina", believing in my lies that my youth was all about Recuerdo Mi Amor and Rosalinda just to join the conversations. I had to learn how to dance "El Caballo Dorado" just to be able to socialize in the parties my friends invited me to.

Stupid boy. Why did you have to be born Asian?

My culture was never meant to be celebrated. I was not worthy of being celebrated.

These last few years have been exceptionally mean to me. 2016 welcomed me to the world of Nursing school, depriving me of linguistics, which is the only thing in the world that I thoroughly enjoy. The days became dull, and the nights were filled with tears and headaches. It was a black and white world where I constantly found myself completely enclosed within the four walls of the library, with no connections from the outside world. I was always alone with my Nursing books and it left me empty inside for a long time - until I set a new year's resolution to learn an Asian language in 2017; something very new and different that would leave me preoccupied from Nursing. Life started to become more colorful once I started picking up hiragana and hangeul. It was then I realized I've been depriving myself of so much beautiful things.

This introduced me to another identity crisis. Nursing was chosen for me, so I never had the chance to figure out who I am, my likes, my dislikes, or my hobbies. From the start, I've always been given this pressure of being the kuya my younger siblings should look up to. My mom only gave us one career option, and that was Nursing; and the only way for my siblings to be in the Nursing field is if I set up an example by becoming one for them to follow.

But I have found what I truly love, and I wanted to devote my time and effort becoming a better person through linguistics. How was I supposed to juggle two completely different subjects? One pre-chosen for me versus the one that defines who I really am?

Come 2018. As I found myself struggling in my Voided City, a city I worked hard to build, I realized the most beautiful moments in life don't come from success stories. Tall skyscrapers are just regular skyscrapers unless they're built with history and embellished with culture. The Berlin Wall isn't remembered just for being a wall. It is remembered for every value, idea, history, and politics it represented.

I wanted the Voided City to be everything that represented me. Creating the city left my world dry and gray, so I've decided to add some colors through culture and history; but for that to happen, I needed to understand who I really am and where I came from. I needed to go back to my roots.

This lead to my journey on reclaiming my "Asian-ness". It has been ten years of constant deprivation and I realized there is so much about my history to be celebrated. I have partaken on a three-month adventure alone in East Asia to remember what I have lost and became aware of all the lies I've made myself believe this past decade.

I did not solely grow up in "Gasolina", but also with "绝不能失去你/Jue Bu Neng Shi Qu Ni" and "童话/Tong Hua". I did not need to give up my whole childhood and identity to fit in with my Mexican friends, when I could have made Chinese and Filipino friends to share my experiences with.

And that was the thing. My Asian friends helped me realize who I really am - I am a Filipino immigrant. I'm not a White American. I did not grow up Mexican. I am completely and authentically Asian.

Asian recognition this year was incredible. The Pyeongchang Olympics recognized extraordinary Asian athletes, Crazy Rich Asians became the topic of conversation, Netflix releasing more Asian-heavy shows and movies with To All the Boys I've Loved Before and a Meteor Garden remake, K-Pop rising in the West, and Miss Philippines winning Miss Universe (again). I started becoming aware that my culture and I are actually worthy of celebration. We are more than just mathematicians, nurses, and members of the IT, which fits the toxic model minority stereotype. We can actually be celebrated outside of the STEM field.

Although it is 2018, I still get compliments on how well I speak English.

Although it is 2018, I still get called "Ching Chong" and "Chopsticks" as a joke.

Although it is 2018, I still get comments about how Asian I am. "You were never this Asian before", they would say.

I'm not alone though. Subtle Asian Traits made sure I wasn't the only one who experiences these micro-aggressions. The Facebook group celebrated our "Asian-ness" - what made us different growing up in a Western country, and how badass we are for being different.

With that, I started becoming closer and more active in the Korean Student Association on campus. I found myself mingling with more Filipinos and realized how much of my Filipino culture I have neglected. I didn't know anything about current Filipino slangs and artists. I couldn't even carry an entire conversation in Tagalog anymore. I felt distant from all of my Filipino friends.

The club celebrated its many Filipino members. They know many Tagalog phrases and Filipino food and culture. Was this a form of cultural appreciation? These people are actually asking me about the Philippines and phrases they truly want to learn. It is very different from the environment I grew up in, where nobody really bothered to learn and celebrate my culture.

Nonetheless, I do believe I shouldn't forget growing up in a very Mexican neighborhood. Both my middle school and high school experiences were authentically Mexican-American, though my college experience is heavily Asian-American.

That's just my story. I'm an Asian immigrant who grew up culturally-Mexican, and I love it.

It's going to be a difficult year ahead. It will be my 本命年/Ben Ming Nian - the year of my Chinese zodiac animal (Year of the Pig). It is regarded as a year of bad luck; but having matured in a non-Asian setting, I've realized that it usually isn't the case. The Asian in me is scared, though, having secured myself a job this year to prevent having to search for one after my graduation in the spring.

Though nerve-wracking, it will be an exciting year ahead finally being in the field I've been sacrificing my blood, sweat, and tears to step foot in the past five years. For the first time, I am looking forward to the new year. I am content with my life right now and I do see myself being comfortable with where life takes me next.

Have a happy and healthy new year everybody! It's been one memorable year and I hope life taught you lessons that will help you grow next year. May this new year bring you peace of mind and more positivity! Let's continue to celebrate each other and our differences! There's so much in life to celebrate for; and for 2019, I wish you all realize your true ikigai .

-Chris

[dramaclover]

TVB King & Queen Speculations 2020

This year has got to be the saddest year yet. There is NO NOISE. Like usually we get like a couple of dramas where we can guess the winner from. This year not really. They can barely hype up any actresses on the female side cause it’s so weak. I feel like it was a dumb mistake on TVB for choosing to not air Shadows of Justice & Chinatown or even Armed Reaction 5. Everyone got nominated this year and the females side is even more saturated. For males there’s a total of 24 nominations while for females there’s only 18. And to make it even more sad 3 of the female nominees is from a sitcom! Mandy Lam is supporting at most in that drama, she’s not even part of the main core family. The fact TVB added in Mandy, & Koni Lui shows how desperate they were. (That doesn’t mean they suck at acting but cause TVB has no plans on promoting them & only added them in to fill the ballots). I don’t even really know where to begin? There isn’t a real popular candidate. I’m only naming the ones that I think might have the chance on winning & ones I like in general.

If we’re gonna talk about popular characters Angel Chiang as Shui Jie is a standout. Willie Wai as Ah Fan was loudly applauded. Samantha Ko was praised as Chong Ming Lai. Brian Tse scared the audience as Parker. Yoyo Chen was really likeable as Sabrina. And I think that’s about it. I really like how it’s mostly supporting actors & actresses that are largely praised. It shows that they outperformed the leading actors & actresses. But out of this batch who will actually walk away with an award?

TVB KING

Raymond Lam. It would be overdue for him to finally win. I’ve always liked his role of Bao Seed fun to get along with & loyal. But his reduced screentime to promote Owen Cheung was a setback for his character. His character also didn’t get real development and his backstory was quite meaningless with a secret son. His character matured for sure but the storyline went nowhere. His son never finds out he is the real father & he basically hates him. His first love passes away & honestly he never got closure for it. He didn’t get to see her last moments before she died. I guess him winning would depend on if he comes to the award show or not. He has the biggest chance winning this year with good acting & a big fan base to vote for him. But also if he wins it would be because he was snubbed before like Mandy Wong. Him winning would be making up for past years where he should’ve won. The media strangely isn’t hyping him up to win this year.

Lau Dan. For his sitcom role in Come Home Love: Lo and Behold. If he were to win it wouldn’t be controversial, so he would be TVBs safe bet in winning. I know I poked fun out of Mandy & Koni for being nominated but it’s different with him. He’s been acting for a way longer time, has a great relationship with TVB & at this point audiences favourite grandpa. Awarding him would be out of gratitude for his loyalty. But performance and character wise he is pretty generic. Will TVB actually award him? I would consider him a dark horse in winning.

Vincent Wong has left TVB and the role he is nominated for is Legal Mavericks 2, which didn’t do well in Hong Kong. Vincent already won for this role back in 2017, so chances of him winning again is low. He should’ve been nominated for his role Al Cappucino. His acting there was more memorable especially the way he portrayed his method acting. I still remember the nervousness I got when he seemingly turned evil. Judging by how he didn’t appear at all in the TVB Anniversary, sort of shows his standing in TVB. At least Nancy Wu was featured in a pre- recorded game but Vincent none. He has the acting chops and honestly doesn’t need another award to prove how good of an actor he is.

Shaun Tam. Brutally Young was an amazing watch and I’m sad that the ratings were average, despite it being such a thrilling show. He was also in Forensic Heroes 4 but he was literally a block of wood there. So I’m glad he wasn’t nominated for that drama. Obviously TVB has huge plans for him to win Best Actor. But it’s not gonna be for this year. He still needs improvement in emoting more and I’m looking forward to his dramas in 2021.

Willie Wai. I already know he isn’t gonna win. But I felt like writing him in this because honestly he was highly praised when The Witness was airing. His acting there was amazing and it was a great portrayal that a lot of people including me are rooting for him to win. But his chances are super low. He was only in this drama cause they couldn’t find someone else to partner with Him Law. I feel like it would be such a huge win if TVB decides to award it to him. But I’d be honestly happy if Raymond or Lau Dan won instead as well. I hope TVB will give him more big roles.

Owen Cheung, I loved his role as Ko Ban in Al Cappucino, so good for TVB for nominating him in that role instead. But he’s still not well liked by audiences (sorta me included). I like Ko Ban but all the other roles he was in like, in Airport Strikers & Line Walker 3, he was either annoying or just not likeable in general. I am more critical on him but mostly cause the way TVB is promoting him bothers me. And I don’t like how he keeps getting “hot guy” roles when he’s not suited for them. Comedy is where he should stay. TVB is heavily promoting him, so are they gonna bite the bullet and award him with Favourite Character award similar to how Sisley Choi won in 2017? But there was a huge backlash so do they really wanna go through that again? Well either way we will be seeing more of him in general.

TVB QUEEN

Katy Kung was hyped up before and during the airing of Death by Zero. But that failed as despite her amazing transformation, the character itself wasn’t that great. And even though she’s considered one of the main leads she didn’t have that much screentime compared to the others. Her character in Hong Kong Love Story is more likeable but unfortunately, though her acting was great. The character itself was nothing special. She might win Best Actress in Malaysia. As she is very popular there and it could be a way of TVB paving the way for her to win in the future. Like with Ali Lee when she won Best Actress as Never Wong at the Starhub Awards in 2017. Some people say she can’t win cause she was nominated in Death By Zero where’s she not the leading lady... I guess these people forgot that Natalie Tong won in 2017 with My Unfair Lady where she played Cherry the designated second lead LOL!

Samantha Ko, is also talked about. She had 4 dramas that aired this year. Her leading dramas were Operation C9 and On-lie Game. I personally don’t think she’s leading in OLG since Hera Chan clearly had more screentime. And obviously that drama was used to promote Hera and she’s just the camouflage. But anyways. Out of the dramas she’s in her most popular role would be Chong Ming Lai from Al Cappucino which she was great in. She was super well liked but unfortunately cause TVB decided to air her dramas back to back people got tired of her. I believe if the last drama that aired was her role in AC there would’ve been a higher chance of her winning. Now people have just forgotten her performance there and only focused on OC9 which was filmed 2 years ago. I think she’s gonna make it into the top 5, but I don’t think she’s gonna win. Her chances also seem slim next year, as she has less dramas and no leading roles. I can only hope TVB continues to promote her as she has potential.

Mandy Wong has the highest chance of winning this year. And she always gives out great performances but I find that recently she’s been losing steam. As in she doesn’t have as much passion as she once did. I don’t know if it’s cause TVB is overworking her but it’s a pity. But honestly all the characters she played this year were so bland. Like she doesn’t have much to work with. And that’s not her fault. She doesn’t pick the roles, they were given to her. I bet 100% if she had played a likeable role people would vote for her to be TVB Queen. But that’s not the case. She’s one of the better actress out of the batches here. Too bad her roles are repetitive and if she wins this year it wouldn’t be considered a hard earned win. It would be more of a makeup award for not winning with Threesome in 2018.

Priscilla Wong. She has made some good improvements in acting since we last saw her. Her crying scenes are better now. And even though her performance in Life and Death was a wonderful surprise. I feel like it’s still not really enough for her to win this year. She still hasn’t portrayed a memorable character yet. Ratman did not do well ratings wise and her screentime was pretty small in Line Walker 3. I wouldn’t mind her winning though as the selection this year is pretty small. And so far no huge competition. And despite what people say TVB has always treated her well. And if she doesn’t win this year it will purely be because she doesn’t have a stand-out character. But if she were to win it would be out of gratitude for the years she stayed at TVB.

Sisley Choi. It’s been a while since I’ve seen a Miss Hong Kong make such a vast improvement. I kid you not she was literally one of the most hated actresses at TVB at one point. Her acting was so raw and terrible. She had no voice control and all around bad. I didn’t have high hopes for her. But she proved me wrong. She worked hard, learned to control the tone of her voice. Attended TVB acting class and now she’s building a good fan base. She made a 180 degree turn and I’m proud of her. Ah Dou wasn’t that great of a character in Line Walker 3. So she would have to rely on Legal Mavericks 2 which is unfortunately not doing well ratings wise. I feel like she would be a dark horse in winning. Just like how she won in Favourite Character 2017. But if she does win it will definitely be controversial. Din Jeh for LM2 is likeable but at the same time not popular enough for her to win. There’s a reason why she got such a huge backlash when she won in 2017. Maybe this year will be different?

Selena Lee. At first I didn’t want to put her in the running since she won an award last year & she has left TVB. Her last drama was Forensic Heroes 4 but that aired in February and a lot of people have forgotten about it. Her acting there were largely praised and her character was well liked. She was able to fluently speak medical jargon in both Chinese & English very well. But it wasn’t until she was nominated for the Asian TV Awards that her name got thrown in the mix. So now she has a real chance of winning again. There’s a renewed interest in her and TVB might want to award her so they can stake the claim of her being the first Asian Tv Winner as a TVB actress. (She might not even win there but TVB likes the idea of it) Shes also back at TVB filming Barrack O’Karma 2. Her acting has always been great and I can’t find any negatives about her. I think if she wins she wouldn’t draw as much criticisms compared to the other ones nominated for sure though.

Other Thoughts

I have seen some comments made online about how Mandy and Selena are “passed” their prime and that they don’t deserve to win anymore. That they should “focus” on the new generations cause it’s not “fair” to award the older ones when the younger ones are better. Okay. First of all the younger ones you’re talking about DOES NOT have a representative role yet. At most I guess Sisley Choi for Din Jeh from Legal Mavericks 2 but I don’t count that. She may have won Favourite Actress but it was only due to TVB politics & nothing to do with leaving a memorable impression with the audience. In fact she was heavily criticized for her performance when it was airing. It was controversial for a reason in 2017. Mandy is known for Kwan Yee So from L’escargot & Evie Fong from Threesome. Selena Lee is known for Michelle Chang from Blood and Water & Alex/Coco from Barrack O’Karma. They all have well known works. Kwan Yee So is still talked about today. And Selena literally garnered awards and huge nominations from her works. You’re really gonna compare them to these new actresses that have yet to portray a well known role? Not to mention Sisley and Priscilla has an upper hand in being pushed up by executives. They were given more chances in the sense of being involved in more grand productions and landing leading roles faster. So I think it’s more unfair that you want to shove them aside cause “if they didn’t win then, they shouldn’t win now”. Them not winning TVB Queen yet doesn’t mean they’re not good enough. It just means they had tough competition. Also do they not realize they weren’t given huge opportunities compared to the other batch. Mandy didn’t get a leading role until 2017. She wasn’t promoted right away and actually had to work from supporting up. Selena was always put into low budget dramas. No one imagined that Barrack O’Karma would turn into such a big hit. If TVB had known, heck no would they have given it to Selena. She only got the lead in FH4 cause TVB wanted her to sign a new contract with them after her popularity rose. I also want to point out the hate is towards the females and not the males. Cause for some reason male actors get a free pass in this?

Have they not noticed that TVB has not always given an award based on “performance” of the year? Cause they do it randomly. Do you really think Kenneth Ma deserved to win last year? Natalie Tong in 2017? Joe Ma in 2018? Nancy Wu in 2015? Ali Lee in 2018? Dayo Wong in 2013? These are all examples of them winning not cause of them having the best role but because of gratitude and cause they deserved it for other performances but they’re winning now instead. If Mandy were to win this year it would be because of her previous good performance. And frankly from the actresses list above Mandy and Selena would be the only ones that are actually deserving. They might not have a huge fan base compared to the others but they have given solid performances before. I would also put Priscilla third as she does have higher potential.

I guess what I’m trying to say is don’t write people off just cause you think the newer one deserves it more. Honestly the awards aren’t even as prestigious as it used to be. Everyone is literally taking turns on winning. No one said anything when Kenneth or Joe won despite the fact their role wasn’t anything special. People were literally saying “finally he won” & “it was a long overdue win” & “about time he won”. Yet just the idea of Mandy maybe winning this year has caused people to get pissed cause she didn’t have the best performance? It’s unfair and wrong to be so critical for the female side but not the males. If you’re gonna shit on Mandy for her potential win, you should also be shitting on Raymond or Lau Dan for it too. I don’t mind them winning cause they’re both good actors that just wasn’t given a role that had enough material to garner a huge win this year. But their past performances show they have what it takes. Thankfully these criticisms towards Mandy are mainly from the international audience and not Hong Kong locals. It’s actually outrageous to me how much hate Mandy gets just cause they think Sisley or Priscilla should get it instead. For Mandy if she wins it’s cause it’s rigged, for the male side if Raymond wins it’s long overdue? Why is that same energy not put towards the male side? So haters, if Mandy does win remember to also write about how much you hate [insert male actor name here] for winning too as there wasn’t a huge standout performance from that side either this year. End of rant.