#but now its not working anymore and i WANT TO SCREAMMMMMM
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fucked up that i got so used to my lull myself to sleep process that it doesn’t really work anymore
#for a little while i could put on a podcast and be out in like 20mins#and i was SO excited like I CRACKED THE CODE#and now ive been doing that for a few years :/ and its taking more and more time#i listen to mbmbam usually#bc its not a storyline based one that i HAVE to follow along to understand stuff#and if i try to listen to something i find boring it Will Not Work bc i just zone out as if its not on#and do my stare at the ceiling and think about shit routine that takes 40x longer to work#so its right in the sweet spot of engaging enough that i’ll listen to it and varied enough that i wont force myself to hear what’s coming up#but now its not working anymore and i WANT TO SCREAMMMMMM#for reference idk how long you guys take to fall asleep but it used to take me hoursssss every night#so 20 mins is INSANE and i want her back :(#personal
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I can’t stop thinking of you.
Hey, I like you. I like you so much, I miss you. It’s been three and a half years. And it’s always like this. I just want to protect you and help you not make stupid choices. But every time I come back disappointed because you end up choosing the wrong paths. You chase me and others awawy BECAUSE OF YOUR ACTIONS. You don’ realize this. But care about you enough to understand its because you still don’t even know what your doing nor wat you want. You don’t need to date me, but at least be with the right person. I want u to know that i’m always here for you, and that your not alone. But looks like you don’t need that anymore, u forgo your friends for love. And thats a flaw. You dont know how ot manage. You know as much as couples are suposed to play together and enjoy gaming and stuff online, your friend management sucks ass. I want to be there for you and try to start some conversations with you here and there, hoping to have small talk at the very least. If we stoped talking as much i understnad but at least respond to me. It feels like your just ignoring me and you dont’ realize how much it hurts as a friend to feel undervalued becuase you are not the one experiencing this.
It hurts me to see you are dating someone whos not fit for you. She’s made you suffer and after all this you stilll choose to get together with her. Do you even know what you want. I feel like you don’t value me as ur friend. Stuff like this you should tell me. But you don’t....I used to be the only one you spoke to at night. Looks like its not anymore. And you know what that’s fine. But the only thing I’m not fine is because its not for the right reasons... And its so hard for me to understand and not bee bothered.. I care about u so much, and i cant bear this sight... wat do i do , i just want the best for you and you to be happy. Why do you have to lie to me.
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I JUST WANNA SCREAMMMMMM , WHY DONT U SEE THIS.
now i just hesitate to send your birthday card i spent 20 hours working on...cus like, will you even care ? Sure as a friend you’ll appreciated it but that’s it. With your current state your not even gonna bother thinking beyond that. And i’ll feel so undervalued even as a friend.
SIGH.
FUCK MY EMOTIONS MAN.
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