#but now i wonder if that was actually anaphylaxis or if I was having an addisonian crisis

[tj-crochets]

Hey y’all! Weird question time again, this time for all y’all with severe allergies:

Have you ever had low blood sugar as a side effect of anaphylaxis?

(I am not having low blood sugar or anaphylaxis now but I have in the past and I’m curious)

Alternate question for those of y’all with adrenal issues, especially Addison’s: does it ever cause hives, and can eating certain foods make it worse? Not in a “eat healthy” way, in a “allergic to this” way

[idyllicwillowtree]

God Eddie, You're So In Love With Me. (part 3)

Genre: Eddie Munson x Henderson!reader, fem!reader, angst/fluff, hurt/comfort, friends to lovers

Summary: Being in Hellfire, you’ve been exposed to your fair share of bullying. One day, Jason takes it a step too far.

Word count: 1.8k

Warnings: bullying, anaphylaxis, poisoning, no physical descriptions of Y/N so you don’t have to look like Dustin, reader uses she/her, reader has a peanut allergy, swearing, angy Eddie, hospital

Author’s note: I'm so so sorry this is so late! but I did it!

Enjoy!

Main Masterlist

Part 1 ; Part 2

Love, a word so potent, was now intertwined with his thoughts of your relationship. Eddie knew he liked you, a lot, but his brain never brought him to love. He replayed moments from your friendship in his head, searching for the signs, trying to decipher if Dustin was telling the truth. If the sentiment was truly real. A mix of surprise and uncertainty overwhelmed him, but there was also something warm and hopeful there. It was both exhilarating and terrifying.

He needed to see you and hear it from you directly. A million thoughts and memories raced through his mind, but one thing was clear–he needed to be with you, to tell you how he felt.

The first thing you noticed was the soft hum of medical equipment surrounding you, followed by a sterile scent lingering in the air. The steady beeping of monitors consistently interrupted the silence as you slowly blinked away unconsciousness. You turned your head slightly, eyes adjusting to the brightness of your hospital room. 

First, you notice Dustin snoozing next to Steve on the couch to your right. Dustin’s mouth hung open as he leaned practically all of his weight into Steve’s side. He most likely fell asleep before Steve, making him unable to move from his spot. You would’ve felt bad for the former King of Hawkins if you thought he was actually annoyed by your little brother’s presence, but he obviously had a soft spot for him.

It was then you noticed the weight on your left hand. You turned your head lazily and there he was. Slouched over your arm, his hair rudely obstructing your view of his relaxed face as his steady breath moved a strand in and out of his mouth. You did your best to slip your hand out, a desperate attempt to push the hair out of his face, but all you did was startle him awake.

Eddie’s top half shot upwards, brown eyes as wide as saucers and hair sticking out in all different directions. He flailed his arms wildly in an attempt to fight off an invisible attacker and let out a high pitched squeak that woke up your brother and Steve. Eddie’s eyes scanned the room wildly, a mix of confusion and fear before realizing where he was.

He didn’t even notice you were awake until you started giggling at him.

Eddie’s gaze snapped to yours, he didn’t have time to memorize the way your laugh sounded right after waking up before Dustin launched himself at you. Attacking you in a hug that squished all the air out of your lungs.

Eddie stepped back a bit, unsure of where to belong in this situation. He didn’t want to interrupt a moment between brother and sister. Steve was easing Dustin off of you so you could breathe again and Eddie couldn’t help but wonder how King Steve managed to fit himself into the Henderson family so easily. He seems to blend in effortlessly into your sibling relationship that it planted a seed of doubt in Eddie’s chest.

“What happened?” you asked after Dustin sat back.

“You had an allergic reaction.”

“Oh…right,” you said quietly as the memories slowly came back to you. Of course, it’s just your luck a damn peanut sends you closer to death than any demogorgon, demodog, russian spy or mind flayer ever did.

“Powell took Carver in for questioning,” Steve said.

Dustin scoffed.

“He may not be Hopper,” Steve added, “but he hasn’t let him go despite Carver’s dad throwing a fit about the whole thing. We have a whole cafeteria of witnesses so he’ll have a hard time getting out of this one.”

You eyed Eddie standing awkwardly in the corner, toeing one of the tiles on the floor with his beat up Reeboks. Doing everything in his power to not make eye contact with you. Before you could question it, the door swung open.

"Excuse me," a nurse said gently as she entered the room, "Y/N needs rest right now. Her body has been through a lot. I suggest you all head home for the night and come back tomorrow when she's feeling a bit better."

Dustin looked ready to protest, but you squeezed his hand, silently urging him to listen. He nodded solemnly and turned to gather his things. Steve stood up, giving you a warm smile, although you didn’t send one back.

Your eyes met Steve’s with a gentle yet persistent gaze. A subtle tension filled the hospital room, unnoticeable to Eddie and Dustin. Your eyes flicked towards the former, then back at Steve, only to be met with a confused look on his face. He stared at you dumbly, mouth agape in an ‘o’ shape, trying to decipher your expression. 

You grew more urgent, eyes darting towards Eddie again, praying the metalhead wouldn’t look up and notice the silent conversation you were having with Steve.

Finally, realization dawned in his eyes and with a quick nod and a teasing grin Steve gripped Dustin’s shoulders and steered him out the door.

“What the- Steve!” 

“Anyway, get better soon Y/N/N! I’ll get Dustin home safe and sound,” Steve rushed out.

“Let me say bye to my sister!”

Steve pulled him into the hallway before Dustin could protest any more, the door swung shut and effectively cutting off their bickering.

With the other boys gone, your eyes softened as you turned towards Eddie, a warm smile formed across your face as you tried to catch his eye.

“Glad you’re okay Y/N. I’ll uh…I’ll see you around,” he moved to follow Steve and Dustin out but hesitated at the door.

“Eddie?”

“Yeah?” He turned to you, eyes wide and hopeful.

“Maybe…you could stay here? I mean, only if you want to. You’ve already done so much for me already, I don’t want to force you or anything…” you trailed off.

Eddie was fidgeting, bouncing on the balls of his feet and wiping his sweaty palms over and over again on his ripped jeans.

“Do you want me to stay?” Eddie asked quietly. 

The timidness in his voice caught you off guard for a moment but you didn’t hesitate to answer, “yes. I want you to stay.”

Eddie’s eyes shine with fondness as he walks back to his chair at the side of your bed. You sent him a warm tight lipped smile as he got himself comfortable on the stiff plastic seat.

The air between you both felt heavy with unspoken feelings and words, interrupted only by the footsteps in the hallway and the gentle hum of medical equipment. Eddie stole glances at you, his heart pounding so hard he could almost see it through his Hellfire shirt. You could feel the weight of his gaze, sensing the turmoil in his head.

Finally, unable to bear the silence you asked, “what day is it?”

“Uh,” Eddie said, looking at the digital watch on his wrist, “technically it’s Saturday morning.”

 “WHAT?!” your eyes widened in horror. “Eddie, your campaign!”

“What?” Eddie asked.

“You worked so hard on it! Ugh, I’m so sorry Eddie-” you cut yourself off at the look in Eddie’s eyes. There was a vulnerability you had never seen before.

And then, without any warning, Eddie’s facade crumpled. Tears filled his eyes and flowed down his cheeks in steady streams. He turned away from you, shoulders shaking with suppressed sobs.

Your heart shattered at the sight, “Eddie, I’m sorry. We can do it when I get out of here, I promise.”

“Fuck, that’s not-” Eddie gripped his hair in frustration. He could spin fantasy stories into gold but finding the right words to express his feelings never came easy to him.

Sensing that this breakdown was not about the campaign you reached out, placing a hand on his arm. “Hey,” you whispered. “It’s okay.”

Eddie shook his head, unable to speak through the tears, but he still leaned into your touch. You tugged at his sleeve gently and that was all Eddie needed to sit on the edge of your bed and collapse into your embrace. 

“I-I mean, you were the one who almost died but…but,” Eddie let out a heart wrenching whimper into your shoulder. “Fuck, it was j-just so scary. I didn’t know what to do.”

You hold him gently, arms wrapped tightly around him in a comforting embrace. You could feel him trembling, his breathing was uneven as he attempted to suppress more sobs. Your heart ached at the thought of Eddie seeing you almost die the way you did.

You stroke his surprisingly soft hair, whispering soothing words of comfort and reassurance. As Eddie’s cries subside into quiet sniffles, you continue to hold him until he slowly peeled himself away. He aggressively swipes the tears and snot from his face, keeping his gaze pointed downward.

“Sorry,” Eddie sniffed, embarrassed by his outburst.

You push the hair out of his face and behind his ear, a gesture that felt strangely natural. “It’s okay, Eddie. It’s really scary to witness someone choke to death on nothing. It messed Dustin up for a while.” 

Eddie’s breath hitched in his throat, “You’ve had uh...ana-puh-nax-sis before?”

You giggled slightly which made the corners of Eddie’s mouth turn upward.

“When I was really young Dustin and I had a babysitter that ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich before coming over and that was enough to send me to the hospital. I was in a coma for two days. Dustin witnessed everything and he’s been researching allergies ever since.”

“Wow. You don’t even have to eat it to get a reaction?”

“Nope.”

“Did Harrington help out last time too?” Eddie spat the boy's name like it was venom on his tongue.

“Nah, we didn’t really know Steve back then. Although I wasn’t surprised to see him with Dustin here. They’re kind of a package deal these days.”

“I mean, I knew him and Dustin were friends but I didn’t know you guys were…uh…”

“Eddie Munson…are you jealous?” you teased.

Deny. Deny. Deny. Eddie thought.

“Yes.”

 The realization made your face slowly melt into shock. “Oh.”

You were used to the flirtatious teasing in your friendship but Eddie seemed more serious than he’s ever been. Your eyes scanned Eddie’s face, searching for any sign of sarcasm, but you came up empty.

“He’s not really my type, you know.”

Eddie's eyes widened in surprise. "He's not?"

"No," you said, shaking your head. "Steve is a great guy and a good friend, but he's like the older brother I never knew I needed. Besides he’s not a metalhead, he hates Dungeons and Dragons, he doesn’t know how to play guitar, his hair is great but definitely too crunchy with the amount of hairspray-”

Before you could say anything else, Eddie leaned forward and pressed his lips to yours. It was sudden, unexpected, and completely wonderful. Your eyes widened in surprise, but you quickly closed them, losing yourself in the moment.

When you both finally pulled away, Eddie was beaming, his eyes sparkling with a mix of joy and disbelief. 

You duck your head slightly and giggle, “sorry, I haven’t brushed my teeth in a while.”

Eddie shakes his head and smiles fondly at you, “sweetheart, I’ve been waiting too long for this to let that stop me.” He grabs the sides of your head to give you another kiss, leaning back with a dramatic shmack as you parted. “I even gave up eating tree nuts all together in case this day ever came.”

He leaned in again only for you to pull away, “What?” you asked in disbelief.

“What? Is that weird? Oh god, I’m so sorry-” 

Before Eddie could panic any further, you hooked your fingers into his pick necklace and pulled him towards you. This time you were the one to cut him off with a kiss that soon morphed into a teasing smile.

When you parted Eddie’s eyes were wide and his mouth slightly agape as you said, “God Eddie, you’re so in love with me.”

the end.

tags: @beeblisss @fishwithtitz @leah-loves-lilies @wickedscorpio22 @chaoticgood-munson

[thebibliosphere]

Hello there - I had a question which I think(?) you might be able to help with. Or at least point me in the direction of more information.

I have a few chronic illnesses and disabilities and as such there's many gremlins I deal with. One thing that crops up a lot are comorbidities between my conditions.

I'm trying to be more vigilant with regards to my health - as a child there were many, many missed opportunities to get my symptoms seen to by a doctor (all squandered due to my parents nor believing me about my symptoms).

Anyway, I wanted to ask about MCAS and if you know it's possible to have it but not realise it?

I've had a few incidents like this, but mostly forgot them or ignored them. But yesterday I ate some basil from my windowsill plant and I had what can only be described as an allergic reaction. I'm not allergic to any foods (as far as I know) but I've eaten from this exact plant before and been fine. I have mint growing next to it which I also ate and it caused the same reaction. Again, I've eaten from this exact plant before. It was like my mouth was burning or stinging and the leaves felt, spicy? In my mouth. I'm not sure how to describe it but I hope you know what I mean. Today I ate from the exact same plants and had no reaction whatsoever.

I've definitely had similar things happen before- but events like yesterday are few and far between. But utterly confounding when they do happen. I have urticaria (diagnosed since age 18) which I suspect is relevant, somehow.

I'm starting to wonder if a lot of my symptoms I've written off have actually been MCAS. But I'm not sure. Do you have any advice around talking to a doctor about this or if I have a leg to stand on so to speak?

Sending my best wishes!

Hey friend, sorry to hear you've been dealing with some neglect.

And considering MCAS was only really recognized as a condition in the last 15 years, it's absolutely possible to have it and not know until symptoms get worse. I was experiencing anaphylactoid reactions my whole childhood, but because I tested negative on IgE tests (I still do), it was dismissed as anxiety right up until I hit my 30s and I experienced my first episode of full-blown idiopathic anaphylaxis.

(Note: anaphylaxis is not a requirement for diagnosis, and not everyone experiences it.)

You should discuss your inconsistent allergies with your doctor or allergist. I would also advise pursuing allergen testing, as new allergens can develop at any time, even if you don't have mast cell instability.

If you suspect some form of mast cell instability may be the root cause of your issues, I'd suggest checking out The Mast Cell Disease Society. (Their website is in the process of being updated, still. But they have good resources there.)

Their signs and symptoms (and triggers) page has recently been updated and is fairly concise:

If any of that rings a bell, it might be worth bringing up with your allergist, but fair warning, not everyone is receptive to the idea of mast cell disorders outside of mastocytosis. (And even then some doctors gaslight their patients to hell and back.)

If you do find yourself in this situation, try joining a couple of support groups to see if there are any MCAS aware doctors in your area, or alternatively, try the TMS physician finder tool:

Sorry if it seems like I'm just throwing a lot of links at you, but they are very useful links and I'm not at my best right now to explain things.

I hope this is helpful and if I missed something, please let me know.

I wish you luck in remedying your chronic health issues <3

[rotten-pomegranate]

Hey! I love your writings so much. Recently I’ve read your headcanons about some HxH yanderes making their Darling smoke weed, and was wondering how you think Chrollo and the Trouble Trio would handle it if it turned out their Darling was actually resisting smoking the joint because of an allergy to weed, to the point that even just smelling it can cause symptoms anaphylaxis in Darling?

adult trio and trouble trio + uvogin Reader is allergic to weed

Fallow up to this one for trouble trio + uvogin and this one for adult trio

Warnings: forced smoking, Noncon, kinda drugging?

/|\^._.^/|\ /|\^._.^/|\ /|\^._.^/|\ /|\^._.^/|\ /|\^._.^/|\ /|\^._.^/|\

Chrollo

This man is ready, he has the shot, he was watching you just in case so when it actually happens he’s not all bent up

He lays you on your back and gives you the shot, brings you some water and cream to soothe your rash and then let’s you go to bed

When you wake up he’s gonna ask why you didn’t wanna smoke but the answer won’t matter to much because now he already knows

Hisoka

Hisoka knew it was a possibility so he did get you an inhaler just in case but he didn’t think you would need it

When the reaction starts to come he’s already in you and he doesn’t have plans of stopping until he’s done so he just shoved the inhaler in your mouth and continues

He might just be sadist enough to make you smoke again if he’s in the right mood

Illumi

Illumi wasn’t really thinking about that, he was just thinking about your tolerance and how much you would need

Luckily his family does have a medical building that he brought you to and they have everything you could medically think of so your gonna be fine

He wants to know if it’s curable so he can make you as calm as you were again

Shalnark

Shalnark doesn’t even notice at first, he just gave it to you so he could have sex with you without the struggle and he knows people have different reactions to sex so when your breathing gets weird he doesn’t pay much mind to it

It’s only when he sees your eyes getting red and breathing become fully difficult sounding that he thinks something might be wrong and when he figures out what he’s gonna look up stuff to do while he calls phinks to bring a pill for you

Phinks

Phinks doesn’t even know what going on when you start choking on nothing, this poor man just wanted some quiet

He goes and googles your symptoms to weed and sees your having an allergic reaction to it he’s gonna feel bad for all of two minutes before he starts yelling at you for not telling him that you could die

He gets the medicine but your gonna get a beating after you e slept

Feitan

Feitan has a pretty big first aid kit at his house, it’s not normal it has everything including allergy medicine

He’s gonna make you work you them, taunt You with them like they where candies and you where a toddler while you just sit there on the floor

He’s gonna give them to you only after you’ve begged on your knees, you don’t get a break after you take them because you on your knees like that turned him on

Uvogin

He thought about it happening but didn’t do anything about it, he figured it was a pretty low chance and it wouldn’t happen to you

He was wrong, there you are coughing and wheezing because you took one puff, eyes red, through hurting

He runs to the local pharmacy to grab you every different treatment method known to man to see what one you take and then just gives you all of them

[whumpbug]

HELLO!!! IT IS HERE!!! SCARAB CREW INTRO FIC!!!

i'm sorry it took so long guys i've been in a bit of a funk these last few days BUT i really wanted to post this!! i have much more planned for them but i am trying to pace myself because i've been struggling a little bit!

this also counts for early whumperless whump event day 23: well, that doesn't taste right @whumperless-whump-event (allergic reaction / anaphylaxis)

word count: 2507

see this post for info on the scarabs crew!

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

In hindsight, Hari probably should have told the team his allergies to start.

There just wasn’t a convenient time for him to do it. It felt weird.

He already felt their judging eyes on him because he was human. Humans weren’t necessarily looked down upon, but it was quite the common consensus that they had more biological flaws than most other races.

This was, of course, made worse by Hari’s precarious condition. 

Introducing himself as the human missing a leg with a blood circulation disorder, an inflammatory lung disease, and food allergies was not something Hari imagined would get him much in the way of respect.

So, he stayed quiet.

After all the introductions and mission briefings came and went, everyone retreated to their respective rooms to settle in. A message over the intercom told Hari that Nyla, the pilot, was going to start making dinner.

He supposed now could be a good time to mention it. He remembered how to get to the kitchen, and Nyla should be in there cooking already, but Hari had just taken off his prosthesis. He didn’t feel like going through the trouble.

Besides, what were the chances that, out of all the things in the galaxy, Nyla made something Hari couldn’t eat.

An hour came and went before Nyla’s chipper voice came over the intercom once again.

“Food’s ready, everyone! Come on down to the kitchen!”

Hari perked up. Now that he thought of it, he was hungry. He hadn’t eaten anything more than protein bars and yogurt cups since the initial launch. An actual meal sounded wonderful.

He grabbed his crutches and began making his way to the kitchen. 

As he walked through the halls of The Scarab, he couldn’t help but feel a bit astonished. Just a few days ago, he was on his home planet, Earth. Then, he was shipped off to Asto’is. Now, here he was, floating in space with a group of strangers towards countless unexplored territories and potentially dangerous star systems.

What a story he was going to have to tell.

He arrived at the kitchen and quickly saw he was the last to do so.

Captain Nieven Alaric, the Asto’isian, was sitting at the head of the table, typing away on his detpad. A cigarette was held loosely in his free hand, and he brought it up to his lips with a deep inhale. His brow was furrowed, like he was trying to figure something out. 

Zel, the Huelxcan, was sitting towards the middle of the table, but her entire body was tensed up. She looked terribly awkward, like she’d rather be anywhere but there. Her gaze remained trained at a spot on the table, but upon Hari’s entry, she lifted her head. Hari met her eyes on accident and flashed a small smile, and he could have sworn she snarled at him.

Vinny, the Z’edin, was sitting opposite to Zel, but they looked significantly less uncomfortable. On the contrary, their knees were pulled up to their chest with their own detpad balancing on top. A peek over their shoulder told Hari that they were reading.. a scientific article? On biochemistry? For fun? That was perhaps scarier than the Huelxcan staring daggers at him from across the table.

And finally, indicated by the soft humming from the kitchen, Hari caught a glimpse of Nyla plating the final dish with her back turned to him.

Hari hadn’t seen many Haryen in his time. The race preferred not to make too much contact with the other PAGE territories, so seeing one out in the open felt odd.

Still, Hari didn’t need to know much about the race to know their signature trait—large crimson wings on their back with a span almost longer than their full height. Hari also didn’t need to know much about the race to know that this particular Haryen’s wings were not paradigmatic of her people’s.

Nyla’s wings were small and curled tight against her body. The muscles in them looked atrophied and shriveled, and even the way they moved with her body seemed off.

Nyla didn’t offer much of an explanation. She simply stated that she was born differently and left it at that. She didn’t owe anyone an explanation anyway; Hari figured. Still, it was not something someone saw every day.

Hari finally took a seat beside Vinny and rested his crutches against the edge of the metal table. Vinny’s gaze flitted to him before coming back to their detpad.

Hari risked another glance at their screen, and saw that not only were they finished with the first article, but they had moved on to another longer one. Hari had to ask.

“What’cha reading about?”

Vinny’s ears flicked at his voice. “Botany.”

“Botany?”

“Mhm. The first planet on the course is a forest planet, so I wanted to brush up.”

“I see—”

“Do you know much about botany? You’re the medic, after all. Figured you’ve at least taken some life science classes, but I don’t know how much time the curriculum would have spent on botany specifically.”

“Well, I was in highschool when—”

“I guess if it was a general biology class, the content would be broader, so you probably spent a little bit on each subsection. Still, I think botany is underappreciated. There’s so much to learn about a planet based on what kind of flora thrives in it.”

“I agree—”

“Plus, it can tell you so much about culture! Your planet, for example, has such a diverse ecosystem with so many different biomes. The different ways your people use the plants in each area is fascinating!”

“Thank you?”

“Not to mention—”

“Dinner is ready!” Nyla chirped, padding into the room with plates precariously balanced on her arms. Hari silently sighed in relief.

Nieven set down his detpad immediately and stood up to take two of the plates from Nyla.

“Thank you very much for making dinner, Nylath... Nylathrania.”

The syllables sounded clumsy on the Captain’s lips and a slight flush creeped up his cheeks at his fumbling.

“Oh please, just call me Nyla. Nylathrania is a hard one, even back on Harye.”

Nieven cleared his throat. “Very well. Thank you, Nyla.”

“It’s my pleasure! What better way to welcome you all onto my ship than good food?” She smiled and set a plate in front of each person at the table before taking her own seat next to Zel.

Hari smiled right back at her and, he figured he could try probing about the ingredients. Subtly, of course. “Yes, thank you, Nyla. This looks good! What is it?”

“Oh! I wanted to start with something pretty universally liked. It’s noodles with a darzel nut sauce, wozoik leaves, and some poultry from Earth! It’s pretty simple. I didn’t want to try anything too wild on the first night.”

Vinny, finally, lifted their head from their detpad and faced Nyla. “You took the meat out of mine, right?”

“Mhm!”

Vinny’s tail swayed slightly and a slight smile overtook their face. “Thank you, Nyla.”

Hari suddenly felt very stupid. If the kid could let Nyla know about their dietary preferences, why couldn’t Hari? 

Still, it was fine. Nothing she said was on his allergy list. He’d just let her know after this meal and everything would be fine.

Nyla picked up her fork. “Well, dig in everyone!”

And with that, they did.

Zel sniffed the food experimentally and swirled a forkful of noodles onto the prongs of the utensil before lifting it to her mouth. The usual scowl on her face lessened greatly and she turned to Nyla.

“You made this?” She said softly.

“...I did. Why? Is something wrong with it?” Nyla almost looked sheepish.

Zel said nothing. She simply turned her face back down to her plate and began scarfing down the noodles.

Vinny was following suit, tail swaying freely as they forked mouthful after mouthful into their mouth.

Nieven was a bit more polite. He ate slowly, and in small bites, but the enjoyment of the food was written all over his face in the way his eyes shone.

Alright, now, Hari needed to try it.

He scooped some of the noodles onto his fork, took a bite and—wow. If this was the kind of food he’d be eating for the next few years, he had no complaints.

The nutty flavor of the sauce was light and fresh, enhanced further by the aromatic greens. The chicken was juicy and flavorful, and the noodles were cooked to perfection. Hari’s eyes nearly rolled back into his head. 

Nyla swallowed a mouthful of food and tapped her finger idly on the table. “So... How is everyone feeling about the trip so far?”

Vinny perked their head up. “So far it’s been interesting. Your ship is really cool. I can’t believe you fly it yourself.”

“I do! She’s my pride and joy.” She turned to Hari. “You’re somewhat of an aerospace engineer, right? What kind of ships have you worked on?”

Hari startled at his name and glanced up. 

“Me? I’ve worked on a few. I worked mostly on airplanes, though.”

“Oh? So a bit different, then?”

Hari nodded and opened his mouth to respond, but found that his tongue didn’t move the way he intended it to. It felt tingly, like it was swollen in his mouth. He furrowed his brows.

“Sorry. I just— My throat feels weird.” He swallowed convulsively. 

Nyla tilted her head and leaned forward to get a better look at him. Zel followed suit, sharing a glance with Nieven.

“Are you okay?” Nyla asked.

“I’m fine... I’m...” Hari swallowed again as an abrupt wave of nausea had him clamping his mouth shut.

Nieven suddenly turned his gaze to meet Hari. “Hari? Are you sure? You’re quite... flushed.”

Hari nodded and scratched at the side of his neck. Stars, when did it get so itchy?

And then it occurred to him. The way he was feeling—the way it felt like his throat was swelling and the way his skin felt too hot for his body—stars, he was allergic to the damn food.

Of all the foods in the galaxy! This delicious meal was one his body decided was a threat! He would have groaned if he could.

Instead, he let out a vaguely choked whine and clawed at his throat, desperately pulling at his collar to get some air. Hives were starting to break out along his arms and shoulders rapidly, and the heat was searing.

Everyone was staring at him now. Even Vinny, who had set their detpad on the table, was in a hurry to get a proper look at Hari. 

“Hari?” Vinny questioned. 

They stood and leaned over, scrutinizing his face. They looked like they were racking their brain for something. Hari truly hoped they were as smart as they came across, because he wasn’t sure he had the faculties to explain what he needed. With their knowledge on Earth and biology, they were probably Hari’s best bet.

They suddenly jolted with thought. “Anaphylaxis! Allergic reaction! That’s what's going on, isn’t it? Your symptoms match!”

Bingo. Hari nodded frantically, pulling in a wheezing breath. Shit, it really was getting difficult to breathe. He needed to do something—and fast.

“Allergic?! Why didn’t you say something earlier!” Nyla shrieked, practically leaping over the table to reach Hari. “What do we do?! You’re the medic!”

Hari wanted to tell her to relax and that it would probably be fine once he got his epi-pen, but he could quite literally feel his airways shrinking and he figured that might not be true for long.

Vinny tapped away on their detpad before whipping their head back up. “We have to give you epinephrine, don’t we? Where the hell are we going to get that?!”

Hari vaguely gestured to the bedrooms, hoping someone would get the hint. He had a small bright red first-aid kit in his luggage, left out in the open. Never had he ever been so grateful for his disorganized unpacking.

“On it,” Nieven muttered, racing toward the hall. Hari tugged at his collar once again, wheezing desperately. It felt like his head was going to explode now. He was sure he was quite the sorry sight with how red he felt his face getting. Not a very good first impression.

Finally, the captain came sprinting back with the little red pouch. He all but threw it onto the table and ripped it open, before realizing he had no idea what he was even looking for.

“Epi..pen..” Hari managed to rasp out, doubling over when another awful wave of nausea overtook him. 

Vinny watched Nieven frantically search for a few more moments before grumbling and lunging over to snatch the pouch from him. They procured the item immediately and began to read over it.

“It’s a needle?”

Hari nodded, wondering why that mattered. He didn’t care if someone had to cut his other damn leg off to get the epinephrine in him—he just wanted to breathe.

Vinny uncapped the needle and hesitantly crouched beside Hari. They were moving at far too leisurely a pace. Hari shot a weak glare.

He would have done it himself, if he could. It’s just that his hands were numb. He could barely lift his arm, let alone have the dexterity to administer it properly. Maybe he should start having his epi-pen with him for every meal. Stars, his head was spinning.

“I can’t do it!” Vinny cried, suddenly pulling away.

“For fuck’s sake—” Zel plucked the pen from their hands, skimmed the directions, and plunged the needle directly into Hari’s right leg with no hesitation.

Hari had never been so grateful in his life.

In just a few moments, Hari felt his breath starting to come easier. He slumped back against his chair and gulped down sweet, sweet oxygen.

No one said anything for a beat. And then, Nyla smacked the back of Hari’s head.

“You idiot! If you’re allergic to something you need to tell me! What was your plan if we didn’t get the epi-pen in time?! I would have been responsible for manslaughter!”

Hari blinked. “I didn’t know I’d be allergic to it.”

Vinny stepped in and crossed their arms. “But you have existing allergies, yes? I could have done some research on how similar the food was to your allergens. Darzel nuts, for example, are remarkably chemically similar to peanuts.”

Oh. That explains it, then. Hari felt a blush creep up on his cheeks. He said nothing.

Nyla let out a soft hmph and pointed a finger at Hari. “After we clean up here and I make you something else to eat, you’re going to sit down with me and make a list of your allergies. All of them. This won’t happen again.”

Hari could tell she meant to be vaguely reassuring, but with the way she said it, it sounded like a threat. He gulped and nodded.

Vinny let out a soft laugh that doubled as a sigh of relief. “Welcome to the expedition, I suppose.”

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

[61below]

I really gd love how Cang Lan Jue digs into the way enmity just perpetuates enmity (unchecked) like, not only does Yunzhong immediately go ‘if she isn’t a fairy and she isn’t human, then she MUST be Yuezu’ but like the whole thing just escalated (so quickly) from what was just a genuine question that should have had an easy answer: what is XLH? And the thing is, we know that her true form can be read, that was like, the third thing DFQC did after meeting her. Including his instinctive reaction to kill all fairies on sight

So why couldn’t the high immortal, Sansheng, do it?

I think that the protection DFQC conferred upon her also protected her from any kind of magical intrusion or interference, too. Not just physical attacks, but magical ones. But like an anaphylaxis response to allergens, it’s not that good at telling the difference between an actual attack and just someone trying to … what, scan her meridians? Idfk how it works, but I’mna run with the idea that to sample something you gotta take a piece of it, so to ‘read’ her form, one has to dip into her qi. But the bone orchid registers that as HEY YOU DON’T BELONG HERE!!! and does the meridian-level equivalent of throwing up a wall of hellfire around her. Which is why what Sansheng projects ends up looking like flames. She can’t read XLH’s true form bc all she ‘sees’ is the firewall.

(… and ok now I’m actually interested in whether or not the Yuezu doctors were able to do any magical diagnostics on her. Like, did it not register as an ‘attack’ to the bone orchid bc it’s Yuezu cultivation? Did she refuse to let these nosy strangers even do a check? I am CURIOUS.)

But my POINT is that it’s really interesting that the story takes ‘here is someone just trying to defend what’s theirs, but the State of Hostilities is so Hot that even the very act of defense is seen as a Threat’ and gives ‘the INSTANT response to any Perceived Threat is with Aggression. Up to DEATH.’

… and where do you even begin to start conflict resolution from there? It’s no wonder things escalated as far as they did.

[lifblogs]

Time to explain my diagnosis since I’m sure some of you are curious. I have severe, chronic angiodema. Basically my body is making a lot of what is called deranged antibodies, and those antibodies are assessing everything that touches my body and enters my body, and they say yay or nay on whether said thing should cause anaphylaxis. Which explains why it seems like I’m allergic to a ton of different things all of a sudden, and why even WATER has given me an allergic reaction at times. Also explains why sometimes I might be able to have something one day—like chocolate for example—and be fine, but then I have it the next day and I’m not. Tbh, I’m picturing a bunch of drunk, partying antibodies playing chicken with the anaphylaxis switch. There are treatments, which is fantastic news because I needed my epipen again not that long ago. Currently some very specific bloodwork needs to be done first to help determine which treatment would work best for me and at what dosages. The testing must happen during an anaphylactic episode, so next time that happens when blood labs are open that’s when I’m going. My follow-up appointment for all this is August 8th, so that’s my next date to survive to.

This also explains why prednisone does not have this under control because this illness is not effected by prednisone. It also explains why I get anaphylaxis WITHOUT hives. To the doctor that was a dead giveaway that I have this illness. Apparently hives do not occur with it, but you can get every other anaphylaxis symptom (impending sense of doom, I’m winking at you).

He also told me that hospitals are not good at treating angiodema patients, so he’d prefer I rest at home, which is a relief because I’m constantly wondering if I should go or not, or if I’ve made the right decision (and we all know how bad that last visit was).

The doctor did not feel as if scratch tests were necessary or even safe. You have to be off antihistamines for 5 days for that, and this doctor is quite sure I would die if I went without my large dosages of daily antihistamines, and I had that same thought.

I do have another illness involving allergies, and he was understanding and knowledgeable about that as well, to the point where he actually loved my high doses of antihistamines rather than saying bs like I don’t need them, and we were kind of just nodding when he checked I was eating low levels of the foods that do effect that illness (egg, and red meat).

Before he explained I will admit my BPD took a dive, but now I have a name for the illness, a better understanding of my body, tests to be done, and treatment in the future. It’s scary, especially since I only have one epipen left right now, and it’s one my brother loaned me, and everything I do will be like playing Russian roulette. But I am elated that I have gotten on the track to being alive and feeling better.

[sassypotatoe1]

Discovering that not all allergic reactions entail hives and anaphylaxis and that sometimes they can just be minor reactions that make you vaguely ill and uncomfortable, or even cause completely unexpected symptoms like diarrhea and vomiting and flu-like symptoms was a wild ride. I'm mildly allergic to way more stuff than I thought I was, I thought I didn't have any allergies and was just generally sickly all the time.

So turns out, if you're allergic to tree nuts and you eat them, getting a whole lot of saliva that feels thick to swallow, flu-like body aches and goosebumps, stomach cramps, blocked or runny nose and diarrhea is also an allergic reaction. Saliva is not a viscous substance, it should not be difficult to swallow even if there's a LOT of it. Your throat is swollen babe.

MOST fruits and vegetables are not spicy, only peppers, some alums and actual spices, and mints can cause a tingly or burning sensation. If a fruit tingles you're allergic. If a leafy green tingles you are allergic. If a starch or grain tingles you are allergic.

I just discovered I'm allergic to rosehip, because it's in a new tea I got myself which tastes absolutely horrendous to me, and my arms and throat are itchy as fuck and my mouth feels like it's full of cotton (tongue swollen). I took like 3 small sips and I'm not like actually sick, just mildly irritated, so I'm not panicking, but I now have to get rid of an entire box of tea. And check everything for tree nuts AND rosehip. How wonderful.

Medication allergies are especially weird like they do not happen how you'd expect. I'm allergic to codeine, found out because I had my wisdom teeth removed surgically and the anti inflammation meds have a high dose of codeine, I took the highest recommended dose daily for a week because I had anesthesia brain and didn't see the up to in front of the "two tablets three times a day". My dad hilariously did that too once, took 4 antihistamines after getting stung by a bee and got violently ill, didn't see the up to in front of four tablets daily.

Anyway I took way too much codeine and then for the next month I could not breathe well at all, felt dizzy constantly and was super sensitive to everything. Turns out some medications like to stick around in your body for a while, and when you're allergic to it the allergic reaction sticks too. Highly unpleasant, I have to tell doctors no codeine every time I have a procedure that requires anti inflammation drugs.

The symptoms for the newly discovered rosehip allergy are getting worse actually I am going to go take an antihistamine I'll continue this post later.

[deformonstrum]

🌺 HIBISCUS 🍁 MAPLE LEAF 🍃 FALLING LEAF

→ Ask Meme ←

🌺 HIBISCUS: do they have any allergies?

"Back in the old world, I was fairly safe from immuno-shenanigans. Unfortunately I am allergic to formaldehyde, which is... quite the setback, in my field, but you make do. Out here though, I have discovered a couple new ones. Spider fur agitates my skin, and those plants that make protein structures- like vegetarian meat? I am... unpleasantly allergic to the leafy meat. I have spent many days trapped in my tent from... I believe a weak form of anaphylaxis. At least dizziness, weakness, and utter digestive hell. I'm amazed that alone didn't kill me, if I'm honest."

🍁 MAPLE LEAF: what is their favourite season? why?

"Hmm... I would have to say I'm biased toward autumn. It is a gentler season, survival wise, and marks the end of the horrid heat. It wasn't so bad when I could just shave off a beard, but now that my whole body is a beard... actually I don't like that phrase. Can I start over?"

🍃 FALLING LEAF: do they enjoy being in nature? what is their favourite outdoor activity?

"Aside from the concern of coming across another person, it is rather pleasant. There are many wonders of science in the natural world! Hmm... as for activity... I used to gather samples of plant matter, detritus, and fresh water to view on slides under my microscope, but I don't precisely... Have one anymore. Perhaps birdwatching? There are some interesting birds here."

[appalachiananarchist]

1. Vaccine data on preventing disease

I will start this post by summarizing (hopefully as simply as I can) a handful of studies pertaining to how well the vaccines work at preventing disease. I will start by looking at some of the early vaccine studies for the mRNA vaccines (as these are the ones I have researched most heavily). These are older studies done back before vaccine distribution really got big. In fact, I remember doing a journal club meeting on one of these articles sometime late last fall.

The first is one of the Pfizer studies. This one excluded people with compromised immunity which I understand, but angered me greatly when it came out (as a person with compromised immunity). Note that it was designed and funded by Pfizer, though when you look at the protocol and stats it appears well-designed. Like other studies discussed here, infection with COVID-19 used the FDA definition which is a positive test with at least one symptom (which can be basically anything). However, in summary, they found that a 2-dose regimen offered 95% protection against COVID-19 infection per the above definition. (SOURCE)

The second study (on Moderna) was funded by the Biomedical Advanced Research and Development Authority and the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, and the study protocol was designed by Moderna with their assistance. This study also used the FDA definition of COVID-19 as a positive test with a symptom and excluded the immune compromised. However, it found that a vaccination was 94.1% efficacious in preventing COVID-19 infection. (SOURCE)

Now that that part is out of the way I wanted to go over some more real-world data; that is, how are these vaccines actually functioning out there? Are they working on a population level like these studies suggest they ought to? Well...

The Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report from April through July of 2021 shows that vaccination reduces chances of catching COVID 5 fold. This report was important in examining how the vaccines are responding since the delta variant of COVID-19 has started to surge. (SOURCE)

A study out of California found in July of 2021 that COVID-19 infection rates in unvaccinated people are ~5X higher than in vaccinated people. (SOURCE) They do raise the concerns that more studies are needed on how long immunity lasts and whether it will wane. 

Another study examined COVID-19 vaccination effectiveness among health care workers, a group that is heavily exposed to COVID-19. They looked at whether the vaccines would prevent disease (in their study, defined as a positive test with at least one symptom). They specifically looked at the mRNA vaccines (Pfizer, Moderna). The study found "a single dose...to be 82% effective against symptomatic COVID-19 and 2 doses to be 94% effective." (SOURCE)

And before you say "but those were only symptomatic cases!" here is another study also looking at health care workers. This study spanning  December 2020-March 2021 basically tested all of their enrollees for 13 weeks and found that those who received 1 vaccine dose had 80% lower chances of getting COVID, while those with 2 doses had a 90% lower chance of getting COVID. This testing was done regardless of symptom burden. (SOURCE)

There is ongoing data collection on how long immunity lasts with some new reports (warning - following study is not yet peer reviewed) suggests that vaccine efficacy may drop to ~85% after 6 months in preventing disease, but efficacy in preventing severe disease remains very high, at 97%. Still, though, 85% is pretty good. (SOURCE)

So here are just a TEENY TINY number of the many studies coming out regarding the vaccines. I could sit here and list so many more, but then this post would be way too bloated and repetitive because they all say the same thing: the vaccine works. This conclusion is both consistent and reproducible, which when talking about scientific studies, means there is some good research backing it up. And before anyone says anything--YES, you can still catch COVID after getting a vaccine. Nothing works 100% of the time. Just because my car has an air bag and I use seat belts doesn't mean I won't get injured if I crash my car. But based on the available data, it works well in preventing infection in a lot of people, and furthermore, there is one other MAJOR benefit to the vaccine which I will discuss below.

2. Vaccine data on preventing severe disease:

Probably the most important realization that has come out of the past few months is our understanding of how robustly these vaccines effect disease course and severity. I am from eastern KY so one of the big hospital systems in my area is Appalachian Regional Health, which spans 13 facilities. According to their latest stats, they have 213 patients hospitalized with COVID-19. Of those, 16 are vaccinated. That means a little over 92% of the COVID patients there sick enough to need hospitalized are unvaccinated. For further reference, another major hospital in the region, Pikeville Medical, today reported that 70 of their 88 hospitalized COVID patients (~80%) are unvaccinated, and 20 their 24 (83%) ICU COVID-19 patients are unvaccinated. Another regional hospital, Kings Daughters, had recently reported that 86.5% of those hospitalized with COVID are unvaccinated and 100% of COVID patients in their ICU are unvaccinated. So before I even get to national statistics, you can look at these numbers as already see a trend, and I would hope you can see that these numbers are way too high and too consistent to be coincidence. For sources on these numbers you can visit the ARH, PMC, & KDMC websites or facebook pages where they post their stats (HERE, HERE, and HERE)

Now to post a few studies backing this up:

A recent CDC Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report (we talked about this one earlier) shows that vaccination reduces chances of hospitalization due to COVID-19 by ten fold. (SOURCE) The same report shows that vaccination reduces the risk of death due to COVID-19 by ten fold, as well!

Another recent study that incorporated delta variant data into their research has found that "unvaccinated adults aged ≥18 years are 17 times more likely to be hospitalized compared with vaccinated adults." (SOURCE).

Another study coming out of California, also post-delta surge, showed similar results, with hospitalization rates ~29X higher in unvaccinated people. (SOURCE)

Another study looked at how the vaccine protects adults over age 65, which is going to be a more vulnerable group. It found that adults >65 who received 1 dose of a COVID vaccine saw a 64% reduction in hospitalization if they contracted disease, and those with 2 doses saw a 94% reduction in hospitalization with disease. (SOURCE)

To me, studies like these are really important. What we are seeing over and over again right now is that our health care system is being absolutely flooded by unvaccinated COVID patients who need to be hospitalized. This is stressing the health system in ways it was not built to endure. We do not have enough equipment or staff to manage the volume of patients we are seeing. 

Sadly, this does not just affect COVID patients. When a bunch of unvaccinated people get sick and take up ICU beds, that means anyone who gets sick with non-COVID problems, like strokes and heart attacks, also suffer when there aren't beds left for them. For example, your grandmother who developed a bad bacterial pneumonia and is in respiratory distress may die because an unvaccinated COVID-19 patient got there first and took the last vent in the hospital, and there aren’t any ICU beds to transfer her to nearby because the wait lists are all so long because all the ICUs are also filled with unvaccinated COVID patients. I'd argue this is the biggest problem we are facing right now regarding the pandemic even if this problem is invisible to people who don't work in healthcare. Please believe me when I say this: we are drowning, and we are drowning because of unvaccinated COVID patients who are getting severely ill. This is completely unnecessary and avoidable when we are seeing over and over again that vaccination does wonders to prevent you from getting sick enough to need the hospital at all.

Don’t believe me still? I want each of you reading this to visit the webpage for some of your local hospitals. Most of them are posting daily or weekly COVID admission and death statistics. Just take a look at them. Take a look at who is getting admitted and who is dying.

3. Vaccine safety:

Any vaccine, medication, herbal supplement, or what have you that goes into your body carries the risk of an adverse side effect. As a result each of us has to ask ourselves, do the potential benefits outweigh the potential risks? To answer that we need to better understand the risks associated with COVID-19 vaccination, and that means turning back to the data we have available. 

According to NYT Vaccine Tracker, there have been 5.73 billion vaccine doses administered worldwide since its release. This generates an abundance of data for us to work with--more than we have for most medications you take every day--in regards to understanding safety profiles of these immunizations. Given that impressive number, we are by no means seeing widespread death or disability popping up due to the vaccine, but let's get more specific. We have seen a couple common possible adverse effects:

Flu-like symptoms: Most common by far is going to be flu-like symptoms or redness/pain at the injection site. This is actually a good side effect because it means that the vaccine is doing what it is meant to do. I won't talk much more about this one because I doubt flu-like symptoms are the reason people are scared of the vaccine. But for most of you, if you have any side effects at all, this will be as bad as it gets. You are more likely to have these symptoms after dose #2.

Anaphylaxis: Anaphylaxis can occur in anyone when you encounter a substance you have a try allergy to. This is going to be a rare side effect (2 to 5 people per million, or 0.00025%), but is also why you are asked to wait 15-30 minutes to be monitored after receiving your vaccine. That way if you show any signs of distress you can be given immediate treatment. Any time you get a vaccine or start a new medicine a severe allergy is a possible reaction, but if you already KNOW that you are highly allergic to something in the vaccine, you should not receive it.

TTP: This is a disorder that causes abnormal clotting or bleeding. It seems to be associated exclusively with the J&J or AstraZeneca adenoviral-vector vaccines based on current data trends. While rare, this is going to be the most serious adverse effect from the immunization. Data suggest the highest risk is for women under 50, but it is still remarkably rare with only 45 confirmed cases of TTP after over 14 million vaccine doses given. This is an incredibly, incredibly low incidence. Of note, however, patients with the actual COVID-19 virus have a SIGNIFICANTLY increased risk of clotting, especially in severe disease. This increased risk may be due to the production of auto-antibodies in response to COVID-19 infection. Summary: your risk of a blood clot is much higher with the actual virus than the vaccine.

Myocarditis/Pericarditis: These are conditions involving inflammation around the heart tissues or heart muscle. There does appear to be an increased rate of myo/pericarditis after vaccination. This is more common in teenaged males who received an mRNA vaccine (such as Moderna or Pfizer). This is also very rare. According to VAERS, 1404 cases of possible myo/pericarditis were reported after vaccination through September of 2021, though only 817 were able to be confirmed. A CDC report from June 2021 estimated about 60 cases of myo/pericarditis may develop per 1 million vaccine series completed (if you are male aged 12-17; otherwise the rate is lower). However, that same report also estimated the prevention of 71 ICU admissions, 2 death, and 215 hospitalizations among that same group per million vaccines given. Again it is a risk-benefit discussion, but here the numbers definitely point to a benefit overall. Vaccine-induced myocarditis and/or pericarditis are generally one-time events with an excellent prognosis, so rarely represent a threat to life. As the authors of the study linked above stated, "The absolute incidence was extremely low, cases were mild, and all patients recovered. Fear of myocarditis or pericarditis should not influence COVID-19 vaccine decisions."

Guillain-Barré Syndrome: This is a disorder of the nervous system that can cause temporary weakness and paralysis. It is commonly seen after immunizations or infections with various pathogens. It has been associated with adenovirus-vector vaccines (J&J, AstraZeneca) at a very low rate (about 0.0008%) with J&J reporting ~100 cases per 12.2 million doses per VAERS data, and 227 cases out of 51.4 million doses given per EU/EEA to the EMA again through June 2021. People with a history of Guillan-barre are more likely to get it again, so your risk is probably slightly higher if you have had issues with this before, so people with this history may want to opt for an mRNA vaccine which has not been associated with this. 

4. Addressing Common Concerns

If the vaccine works, why do you feel unsafe if I don't get it? A vaccinated person is more protected from you than if they were not vaccinated, but no vaccine (or medical treatment in general) works 100% of the time, so there is always a risk of spreading disease no matter what. This is true for every single vaccine in history so COVID shots aren't special in this way. The data supports indisputibly that the vaccine reduces the RISK of getting COVID, but does not protect against it perfectly, so people should still use common sense. Also, vaccine works much, much better when everyone gets them, which is why vaccinated people enourage others to get the shot too. Think about it. Most of the studies I linked said the vaccines were in the range of 90-95% effective at preventing disease. If everyone in the room is vaccinated, the chances any of them (with their 90-95% protection) are infected and spreading COVID is going to be lower than a room of unvaccinated people, who have no protection against disease. Think now of yourself as a vaccinated bystander inside each of those rooms. In room 1, there is a low rate of COVID-19 being spread around, so your vaccine-induced immunity is now bolstered by the fact that there is also low spread in the community, making your overall chances of getting sick extremely low. In room 2 there is likely moderate to high spread of COVID-19 virus, meaning that even if you are vaccinated, because your vaccine can never be 100% effective, you sadly still have a chance of getting sick (even if it is lower than it would be if you were not vaccinated). Does that make sense?

If vaccines work, why do I have to wear a mask? Same reason as above. We can get into masks later, but point is, both offer protection against the spread of COVID-19, but neither is 100% surefire perfect immunity. Human bodies just don't work that way, sadly. By using both, you increase your chances of preventing catching or spreading disease more than if you did either one in isolation. Bringing back the car example, a seat belt is good, an air bag is also good, but I'd definitely prefer to get a car that has both a seat belt AND an air bag.

Why is the vaccine not approved for kids? Lacking data on safety and efficacy, as young children were excluded from many of the trials that looked at these vaccines. 

We don't have long term safety data. It is unprecedented for an immunization to cause new side effects years later. These shots work by activating your immune system. Any problems they are going to cause will occur surrounding that period of immune activation (meaning, at most a few weeks after you get it). That is why this vaccines typically have any side effects show up within days to weeks of administration. The idea that novel side effects will pop up YEARS later is unlikely. Now, a vaccination may have cause side effect that has long-lasting health implications, such as developing TTP and having a stroke from it, but my point is that will start within weeks of vaccination, not randomly 5 years later after the vaccine has long since left your system. As a result, any side effects from the vaccine are things we will already be seeing right now. The virus, though...   I can tell you that scar tissue in lungs doesn't magically vanish, and brain damage from hypoxia doesn't vanish. I can tell you that those who develop a generalized COVID inflammatory response are dealing with symptoms months post-infection. I can tell you that the virus itself is causing irreversible health problems and disability, and we KNOW that right now without waiting another 5 years. And we know that being unvaccinated increases your risk of getting sick enough to have these permanent disabilities. We also don't have time to wait 5-10 years on more data to deal with this problem. Action has to be taken now, or a lot of people won't be alive in 5 years to talk about the long term effects. I wish none of this had ever happened, but it did, and we have to do something or it won't get any better. This is a global pandemic; we have to cooperate with each other to eradicate it.

Vaccines should not be mandated by the state or companies. I don't really disagree. I do not think authority figures should be able to tell any person that they have to put any substance into their body against their will or else face starvation or homelessness, which is a real threat if people get fired over their vaccine status. HOWEVER neither your nor my beliefs on this topic change the fact that the vaccine works and is VITAL to keeping our health system from collapsing, and you really should be choosing to get it on your own based on the available data regardless of what your boss is saying. Please don't refuse to get the vaccine just to "send a message" or take a stand against your boss or whoever, because I promise you they will fire you without a second thought, and the only person you are sending a message to is that little grandma we talked about earlier who needs intubated but can't find a free vent or ICU bed, so dies in the emergency room while unvaccinated people take up all the space in the hospital.

5. In Summary

There are risks associated with COVID-19 vaccination, as with any vaccine or medicine, but they are remarkably, remarkably low. The potential benefits of vaccination are significant, with a decreased risk of infection, hospitalization, and severe disease among those who are vaccinated. This benefit extends to the community as well, in that it means you are less likely to catch (and therefore spread) COVID-19, increase the rate of herd immunity in your area which protects everyone (especially the medically vulnerable), and reduces preventable, unnecessary COVID-19 admissions that are weighing down the health system and clogging up hospital beds. If you look at this purely from a risk-benefit standpoint there is no mathematical reason not to favor getting the vaccine, and I strongly urge everyone who can safely do so to schedule it.

I suppose my take-away statement is this: I am a physician. If you are willing to trust my advice when you show up to the hospital in respiratory distress, trust my advice now in trying to prevent you from getting to that point. 

Please.

[whovianfloozy]

Epi Pen PSA -- could save a life!

In addition to my breast cancer, I have the joy of multiple autoimmune diseases. One of them causes me to have anaphylaxis to myself, so in addition to the bi-weekly cancer chemo I receive monthly Immunotherapy. They will not administer it at your appointment unless you have your Epi Pens with you, because the Immunotherapy itself can cause anaphylaxis and you may need it on the ride home.

I had Immunotherapy Monday, and as the chemo fog has fried my brain, I decided to get out my box and check on when my Epi Pens expire while I was sitting there for my 30 minute post delivery observation, My Nurse noticed me looking at the box, and I told her I was checking the expiration date.

She walked over and told me the date I was looking at was only the expiration date of the prescription, not the actual Epinephrine syringe. Where I live, pill bottles and the like typically say "Drug Z, Filled 1-2-33,Good until 1-2-34, 5 refills expires 1-2-34" so Drug Z was good for a year and so was the prescription.

The tag on my Epi Pen box said "Filled 4-10-19 Expires 4-10-20"

She told me that Epi Pens were different, the tag on the box was the date for the prescription expiration only. The medication, the actual Epinephrine expiration dates were only on the syringes themselves. She then proceeded to open the box, remove the sheaths, open them and remove the syringes, and show me the expiration dates.

My Epi Pens had been dispensed in April 2019, and had expired in July of 2019. My Epi Pens, on which my life might depend, had expired SEVEN FREAKING MONTHS AGO. They had had a lifespan of three months.

I was angry, and horrified. They immediately sent a new scrip to my pharmacy of course and I thanked her for telling me as it potentially could have saved my life. I also asked her to inform every single patient who came in that office, and she will.

She told me that every single time I pick up an Epi Pen prescription, immediately go sit in one of the waiting chairs, open up the box, and check the dates on the syringes. If it's not a year, go back up and demand they take them back and order new syringes with a one year life span, as typically we are renewing them with a few days lee way either way once we know the true expiration date..

If for some reason they refuse call your insurance company and they should raise hell. Apparently this is legal because when the pharmacy gets a scrip and orders the pens, the manufacturer is not sending expired merchandise. And of course, if there's an issue, the consumer didn't fulfill their responsibility to check the expiration date.

Two years ago, I anaphylaxed alone at home. It progressed fast, and as soon as I unlocked the front door and called 911, I delivered a pen through my jeans into my thigh. It didn't stop the progress. They gave me a dose of Epi, and a giant dose of steroids in the ambulance, and they met us with an intubation kit at the hospital.

The responders and Docs in the ED at first were wondering if I had delivered the pen properly of course, but as they quickly removed my clothes they saw the syringe bruise and the drop of dried blood right in the right place. For the remainder of my hospital stay they couldn't figure out why the Epi Pen hadn't stopped or at least slowed it down. That's what they do, they don't reverse it.

Now I look back and wonder. I had tossed the used pen in the trash immediately, and thrown out the other in it's box when I came home from the hospital with a new two pack. What if the syringe I had used had expired six or seven or nine months before? What if my new kit had expired four months later?

I am furious, and frightened for those who don't know, I've already contacted my best friend for her husband, and my niece for her little girl. I will be contacting my GP to see if he knew this and every one else I know eventually, and asking them to spread the word.

Check your Epi Pens, tell every one you know, and please signal boost this and REBLOG IT to spread the word. 

Thanks guys, and be well. Love  xXx

[backseatsiren]

Never Enough

It's been busy out there, as the omicron surge has taken NYC like wildfire. The ERs are insane right now, with beds in the aisles - it took something like 45 minutes just to get a patient checked in the other day, thanks to an overstuffed, understaffed ER. 

By the way: If you (yes, you!) reading this need medical attention for anything right now: please be patient, because medical staff are unbelievably overworked right now. I want to give everyone in every ER across NYC a gift card for a massage and a bottle of whatever they like best right now. That's a fund I would support, if anyone can get that going...

But, speaking of the pandemic... I actually had COVID right before Christmas, and was luckily not too sick and able to visit family on my tenth day of quarantine (which was Christmas Day itself), but not everyone is so lucky.

Lately

I've gone out twice in the last week: a combination of feeling a personal responsibility to go out, a break from my MMA gym while numbers are so high (you can bet I'm basically vibrating with the need to go back), and a whole bunch of vacation days after a ten day quarantine that left me very, very primed to go out and do something. But, as the title here might clue you in... it's really not enough.

Last Tuesday, I was on the community ambulance. We've been activated in the 911 system constantly since the holidays (briefly: as volunteers, we typically "buff" jobs, listening on the radio for calls, arriving, and either assisting the dispatched crew with the call or taking that call off their hands). The community bus does the usual, buffing jobs, while our second ambulance was in the activation. In an activation, our ambulance is directly dispatched in the 911 system, and sent to calls like any other 911 crew — and many of these are all over the city, not necessarily in our usual service area. We had a couple of calls: a car accident and an interesting syncope job where we had paramedics for most of the call.

There was a difficult element here: our patient didn't speak much english, and his daughter was translating for him throughout the call. But no family was allowed in the ER (again, it was crazy: beds in the aisles, lines to register patients and transfer care), and she had to explain to him that she had to go. Obviously, this is a situation where the policy is understandable and necessary: and also... sucks.

On New Year's Day, I did one of my first activation tours (I'd done one before, but on an uncharacteristically slow day). Honestly, I prefer it, even though we might be all over the place and not in our regular service area, and the call variety was interesting.

After a couple of more routine jobs, we actually had a fairly critical patient that day. A severe pediatric asthma attack (which is a call type that I had a very rough experience on once, years before, where I literally fumbled a medication. Everything was fine, everyone was fine, but I felt like a royal dumbass). We arrived to a "difficulty breathing" call to find a mother walking her daughter out, and she was in obvious distress. Accessory muscle use and you could hear wheezing without a stethoscope.

Sufficiently critical asthma attacks and anaphylaxis calls are TERRIFYING. There are plenty of other, much more gruesome calls that are less straight-up scary, mainly because when a person can't get enough air, they (very understandably) often panic, and honestly, that's fucking terrifying. They can also be wonderful calls to go on because we can often really help someone in that situation: obviously, that depends on many factors. But we have albuterol and epinephrine and they work pretty well. Scary, critical calls where we can really help a patient = a happy EMT. At least, for me.

(For the record, and because this is the internet, I need to say this: I don't want anyone to be hurt or sick. I don't sit there in the ambulance saying "Man, I sure hope someone has a horrible, near-death situation today, for my benefit!" No. I'm just saying — and I think this is a logical, relatable thing — that it feels good to be able to help someone in distress.)

It felt good to treat and reassure and help this kid and her family. On so many calls, there is vanishingly little we can do for a person. Sometimes, all we can do is that bit of "psychological first aid" and try to be there for a person while we bring them to a place that can actually offer care (though, often enough, with issues like substance abuse or any other chronic problem, it's not like they'll go and be cured immediately, so that's more like helping with a potential first step.) I'm pretty sure this is why many people become EMTs, to help people and see a tangible result of that help: the satisfaction of seeing your effort turned to results. That's a lot of why I do it, anyway.

Which leads me to what I'm struggling with now: the feeling that I still don't go out enough. I've gone on two tours in the last week, and I'm thinking about a third. But that's not enough either. While the city is in crisis (I saw a figure around 6k calls in the 911 EMS system last night, which is close to the peak number of above 7k during the worst and deadliest part of the early pandemic in March/April 2020) there is no number of tours that will feel like enough.

Yes, this is a me problem, and an "I have OCD and need to do something" problem, but I'm also not the only one who feels this way. I have a work partner who works full time in another field and he's been on the ambulance practically every day since the activation over the holidays. He's expressed a desire to keep going and keep going while things are this bad, and I am right there with him in heart (even though I really can't be there every day).

Work (at my main, full time job, that is) is starting up again tomorrow, but it's hard to think about much else besides getting back on the truck. On top of feeling like I need to help, there is a more selfish dimension to this: it feels good to help. It feels great to be there and be active and feel, in any possible way, that you are doing something about this horrible fucking thing that's been ruining everyone's life (and taking many, many lives) since March 2020. And it feels good to learn and learn more about our processes in an activation, as opposed to our usual way of doing EMS.

So, no, it's never enough. It never will be enough. I can just do my best and make some attempt to accept that. Maybe someday I will.

[thebibliosphere]

Hi Joy!

I saw you mention being sensitive to sesame oil in your post about the make you use, and was wondering if you'd ever experienced any discomfort from being around sesame oil when it's being cooked with?

My chronically ill therapist and I suspect I have mcas and I've noticed that when someone is cooking with sesame oil I get like nauseous and feel sick while I'm around it, and we think it might be a trigger food for me, but the allergist said smells, other than shellfish, can't be triggers? So I'm curious if you might have experienced something similar

Thank you, please feel free to ignore this, and ai love your hair cut!

Thank you for the haircut love!

And unfortunately, it sounds like your allergist is not at all familiar with MCAS. Because yea, any strong smell or if something you're allergic to being in use around you, can be a potential MCAS trigger.

I can't walk down the laundry aisle in Target without instantly getting a migraine and throat swelling. It used to cause me respiratory distress until I got on the right meds.

I also can't be around red meat when it's being cooked. I don't have any sort of aversion to it. I actually think it smells really good! But that won't stop me from getting a migraine and breaking out in hives because my body takes my red meat allergy, associates the smell with being exposed to it, and goes on red alert. I've also had this happen with jalapenos, food I love and am not technically allergic to, but because I experienced anaphylaxis from sunscreen while eating tacos, my mast cells now think jalapenos are a threat.

I've tried all kinds of therapy to see if it was some mental block or trauma response, but after 5 years of that both me and my therapist have concluded it's a manifestation of my mast cell instability and not anything psychological. The fact that Benadryl makes it go away and not anxiety meds also helps to back that up.

So yeah, it could very well be that you're really sensitive to it and can't be around it. I'd recommend finding a better allergist if possible. I know it's easier said than done, but the fact that fragrance sensitivity/disability is so prevalent it's protected under ADA and they are claiming that only shellfish is a trigger is a red flag.

[sohotthateveryonedied]

You Gotta Fend for Yourself

Read here on AO3!

Summary:

Bruce is Tim's emergency contact. He gets a call to meet Tim at the ER.

“I’m looking for a patient.” The woman behind the ER desk looks bored as she eyes Bruce, takes in the pressed suit and diamond cufflinks. The way he fidgets, drumming his fingers on the desk and trying very hard not to look as anxious as he feels. It’s easier to reign in his worry when he’s wearing the cowl. “Name?” “Tim Drake.” “Give me a minute.” She types his name into the computer, and Bruce can’t help but wonder how she manages to type with such long fingernails. “Your son is in bed eight. It’s over there, against the far wall.” She points him in the general direction. Bruce considers correcting her on the fact that Tim is certainly not his son, but he doesn’t need to tell this complete stranger that. Let her think what she wants. He thanks her and goes where directed. His chest loosens when he finds Tim sitting on a medical cot, neither bleeding out from a gaping wound nor missing any limbs. Instead he’s playing some sort of racing game on his phone, indifferent to the bustling emergency room around him. An oxygen mask sits beside him, forgotten. He and Bruce should really have a conversation about the importance of listening to medical professionals. “Hey, kiddo.”

Tim looks up and his eyes go wide. “Bruce. You...actually came?” His voice is hoarse, like he’s been gargling sand. “Of course I did. I am your emergency contact, after all.” Tim blushes. “I told them not to call you. You really don’t need to be here if you’re busy, I can get a cab home. And I’m sure I can talk the doctors into letting me check myself out without an adult, so—” “It’s okay, Tim. Really. You actually saved me from a board meeting.” Tim doesn’t look at all reassured. Bruce sits on the side of the cot beside Tim, who moves over a few inches. “Your teacher told me you went into anaphylactic shock in the middle of geometry.” Tim rolls his eyes. “I got a candy bar from the vending machine and the wrapper forgot to mention there were walnuts in it. It’s not that big a deal.” “Oh, sure, not that big a deal. You just stopped breathing for two minutes. Totally normal.” “I’m breathing now, aren’t I?” Tim takes an exaggerated breath. “See? I’m fine. And, for the record, it was the teacher’s fault. I had my hand raised for a whole minute trying to tell her that I couldn’t breathe, and she didn’t even look at me. Eventually I just passed out.” Bruce blinks. “You raised your hand? While your life was in danger?” “I didn’t want to be rude.” Lord, beer me patience. “I’ll get you an EpiPen to carry with you from now on.” “I usually have one, but I used it up a couple months ago and kept forgetting to ask my dad for another one.” A shrug. “Don’t you keep one in your utility belt?” “That’s for civilians.” Bruce’s eyebrows crease. “It’s for keeping people safe, not just civilians. You’re a person, so I want you to use whatever you need to keep yourself from dying in the middle of class. Got it?” Tim nods, a little sheepishly. “Yes, sir.” “Good. Now, how are you feeling?” Tim flicks the IV tube. “Cortisone and a shot of epinephrine earlier. I’ll be fine.” Even so, Bruce can’t stop himself from checking Tim over anyway, just to be sure. He needs to see that Tim is okay with his own eyes. He feels Tim’s throat for any residual swelling, checks his pulse. “Can you breathe okay?” “Yep.” “What about your mouth, does it feel numb or tingly? Any swelling?” “No and no.” “Are you dizzy at all, nauseous?” “You do realize we’re in a hospital, right? Surrounded by actual doctors?” “Yes, and I don’t trust a single one of them unless their name is Leslie Thompkins, Alfred Pennyworth, or Bruce Wayne.” “You’re insane.” “Good. Maybe then you’ll stay alive long enough to see the new year.” Bruce takes out his cell phone and drafts the beginning of an email in his notes app. “I should call the school and give them hell for not looking after you. Or at least for not being more aware of their vending machine snacks.” He knew Tim never should have been allowed in a public school. That’s like locking the most perfect, innocent kitten in the world in a cage with rabid coyotes. Completely irresponsible. “You’re overreacting, B.” “You could have died.” Tim scoffs. “Stop being so dramatic. This isn’t even the worst allergic reaction I’ve had. My parents were terrible at remembering to tell the nannies about my walnut energy, so there were a lot of close calls.” Bruce should be more surprised at that information. After he sues the school for the wrongful almost-death of a student, he should sue Drake Industries just for the hell of it. “Where are your parents? Are they on their way?” Jack Drake is as disagreeable a man as disagreeable men get, but he’s always revving for conflict. Bruce will definitely be able to sway him to his side of this matter. They can bring it up to the board of education, draw up new regulations for the school’s allergy protocols. Tim scratches absently at the rash on his neck. Bruce swats his hand away. “Dad brought Dana on a business trip to Philadelphia. It was only supposed to last the weekend, but they decided to stay a few extra days.” “A few?” “Eleven, to be exact.” Yikes. Big yikes. “You at least called them, right? They’ll want to know you’re safe.” “I called Dad when I first got here, but he didn’t pick up so I left him a message. I’m pretty sure he got it, because Dana keeps texting me to make sure I’m okay and asking if they should come home early. Dad still hasn’t said anything, but I’m sure he’s worried too.” Even as Tim says the words, it’s clear he doesn’t believe them. Never mind, fuck Jack Drake. Bruce can find another parent to start an alliance with—one who actually cares about their kid. Maybe Crystal Brown is free tonight… Bruce flags down a passing nurse. “Can I get some discharge papers for my son, here?” Might as well throw that in, give himself some extra authority. Whatever gets them out of here quicker. “Thank god,” Tim says. He plucks out the IV and swings his legs off the bed. “I’m sick of this place. You can just drop me off at home and I’ll be all set?” “Drop you off? You’re coming home with me, Tim.” Was that part not clear? “It’s cool, really. I’ll be fine after some rest. You don’t have to look after me.” “I know I don’t have to. I want to.” Bruce thanks the nurse who brings over the discharge papers in record time. People really don’t appreciate nurses enough; he should donate a few million to boost their salaries. He pushes the clipboard into Tim’s hands. “Here, fill these out and we can get going. I’ll call ahead and have Alfred make supper.” “And then I can go home?” Bruce shrugs, eyes fixed on his phone screen as his thumbs fly. “You already have a room made up at the manor, so I don’t see why you can’t stay over tonight. Besides, I’d like to keep an eye on you, just in case.” Anaphylaxis can be a tricky thing. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re a mother hen?” “Once or twice.” “Well, they’re right.” Bruce snorts. He works more on his email draft to the school, making a mental note to censor out the swear words during revision. He’s getting flashbacks to years ago when Jason had a close call with some shrimp at a party for a museum opening. Bruce nearly decimated the catering company for not putting out warnings for potential allergens. “Tim?” “Hm?” “How come I’m your emergency contact?” Tim freezes. He doesn’t look at Bruce and twiddles the pen, quiet for a moment. “I don’t know. I guess I didn’t know who else to put? I figured it would never actually be needed, so it wasn’t like you’d ever find out about it anyway. But don’t worry, I’ll change it tomorrow so you don’t need to do this again.” “No,” Bruce says, a little too quickly. “Keep it. It’s...more logical for it to be me. And I really don’t mind.” “You sure? You don’t have to.” “I want to. Partners look out for each other, right?” Tim’s cheeks are flushed under the allergy-induced redness, but he nods. “Right.”

[annabethy]

under the mistletoe, watching the fire glow day 6: in the emergency room

Character A and Character B meet in the ER on Christmas Eve,, Percabeth

Annabeth likes to think that Christmas Eve is meant to be spent with the people you love most. For the past few years, she’s spent it with just her and Percy, both of them cuddled close on the couch with movies playing in the background.

It’s meant to enjoy the lights around the city and drink hot chocolate as you watch the snow fall. When she was little, she never really got to do any of that with her family, but now she has Percy. The absolute love of her life.

He makes her feel loved and cherished, and she quickly builds Christmas memories to last her a lifetime. The day that Annabeth used to dread is now the one day she wishes more than anything that she could live in forever.

So it’s safe to say Annabeth is fascinated by the bright lights. She would spend eternity surrounded by the blue and green and red lights, wrapped in the love of her life’s arms, if she could.

Annabeth smiles as Piper plants a cookie into her hand. She has to admit that she’s a bit saddened that Percy had to work on Christmas Eve, but she also supposes that’s what comes with being a doctor. She would be fine, anyways. She still had her friends, and then all of actual Christmas Day with him.

That’s what she thought, anyways, until she took the first bite of that cookie and her throat started closing up.

All havoc breaks loose as people start screaming around her, and she wants to tell them to calm down, but her vision starts to spot because she can’t get enough air. She hears someone say something about anaphylaxis, and the next thing she knows, she’s inside an ambulance under those beautiful blue and red flashing lights.

She’s injected with a heavy dose of epinephrine, and she starts to feel marginally better, and by that, she means she can at least wheeze in a breath of air. Everything is kind of blurry, which is a shame. New York City is beautiful on the night of Christmas Eve. Thanks to the cookie, or at least she’s assuming that was the culprit, she’s instead stuck inside of an ambulance that is all too loud and making her feel nauseous.

The EMTs roll her into the ER, and she distantly thinks that these lights don’t even hold a flame to the ones outside. As she looks around, there are a lot more people than she would’ve expected to see on this night, and she suddenly understands why Percy had to come into work. He’s so selfless and perfect, putting others before himself, and there’s something really hot about him when he’s in patient mode. God, she loves her husband so much, and she’s only a little bit high right now, but she wants to just grab his face and kiss him and—

“Annabeth?”

She turns her head to the voice, and her eyes take a few moments to adjust before she notices Percy coming towards her, alarmed.

“What happened!?”

She tries to speak, but her throat really hurts right now. She thinks an EMT tells him instead before Percy waves him off and takes the gurney in his hands himself. She’s placed in a room off of the ER, and there are quite a few other people hooking her up to a machine and pricking her with needles. She doesn’t quite like the way that everything feels to be moving in slow motion, sound faded in her ears. She is only brought back to a screeching halt when Percy calls her name for what she’s sure isn’t the first time.

“Annabeth,” he says, looking her in the eyes. “Are you okay?”

She blinks. “I’m fine,” she says, but her voice sounds super strained to even her own ears. She begins to look around the room and notices, sadly, that there are no longer any colorful lights. Just obnoxious white led lights.

Percy pulls a stethoscope from his white coat pocket, his hand snaking underneath her shirt to reach her back. “Can you take a breath?”

She does as he says, her skin lining with goosebumps at the cold feel of the metal. He moves it around again, asks her to take another breath, checking her lungs, checking her heartbeat. He pulls away again, and she nearly whines. As he loops the stethoscope around his neck, his hands come to press to her cheeks, his thumb caressing the smooth skin.

“Poor baby,” he says, pouting.

Annabeth pulls her head away from his grasp, but he follows her. “Don’t baby me.”

“You went into anaphylactic shock,” he says. “Let me baby you."

Annabeth scowls, but Percy presses a sweet kiss to her forehead anyways. Her fingers find the top of his scrubs, curling around the fabric, and he just lets her. She knows that he does his best to not let people grab his clothes, so it’s cute that he lets her do it. It’s nice to know that he has a soft spot for her that he doesn’t exhibit with anyone else, and it makes her grin.

“What are you smiling about?” he asks softly. He’s leaning over her slightly as he pulls a small flashlight out of his pocket so he can shine it in her eyes.

“Aren’t you supposed to be working?” she asks.

“I was working until my wife rolled up into the ER unable to breathe. Near gave me a heart attack.”

“But I’m all good now,” she says, weakly pushing him away by the chest. “So go away.”

“I’m the doctor, and I say that you’re not all good until I say so.” He grabs her hand and kisses each of her knuckles before curling her hand into a fist and pressing it against his heart. “You feel that?”

“You were scared,” she teases, concentrating on the steady thumps against her hand.

“Of course I was.”

She smiles softly, pouting her lips for another kiss. When he obliges, she giggles, poking him in the face. “You nasty. You just kissed a patient.”

He gives her a look of adoration. “It doesn’t count when you’re already my wife, silly.”

“You’re also treating family, so.”

“I’m the only person on trauma that’s available right now,” he says.

“Does this even count as a trauma?”

“My heart experienced trauma,” he admits, brushing her hair away from her face. “It was highly traumatic hearing your name.”

“You love me,” she teases.

“Aw, you caught me.” He coos at her and presses kisses all over her face. “I love my wife so so much.”

“Did you know that a cookie almost took my life today?”

“I heard. I’m just wondering why you ate a cookie without checking first.”

“Piper gave it to me.”

“Attempted murder,” he says playfully. As he caresses her head, fingers threading in her hair, he asks, “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m much better now that I get this sexy doctor taking care of me.”

He smirks. “Sexy, huh?”

“Very. And now I get to see you on Christmas Eve!”

“I’m not sure this was the best way to see you on Christmas Eve, baby. I don’t like seeing you hurt.”

“The only thing that hurts is my head because of these bright lights.” She glares at the lights as though they’ll dim in fear.

“Do you want them off?”

She shakes her head but continues glaring. “Need something to keep the Christmas spirit up.”

“Nothing like a festive migraine, right?” He moves to turn the lights off anyways before coming back to her side.

“Can you do me a favor?” she asks, fingers scratching at her arm languidly. He pushes her hand away from her skin, scolding her for scratching at the hives that have forced. She scowls at him, but he just grins.

“What do you want, love?”

“Come cuddle me.”

Percy throws his head back and laughs. “Now that might get me fired.”

“I’m not worth it?”

Percy’s thumb traces over her bottom lip. “You’re always worth it.”

And so is he, she thinks.

Percy crawls into the bed anyways, laying down by her side. It’s nice having someone willing to break the rules for her. She thinks he would have done it anyways even if she hadn’t asked him to stay with her. She rests her head against his chest, and he begins to rub her back slowly. The mess of wires is a bit uncomfortable, but she’ll live as long as Percy keeps rubbing circles into the itchy skin, as long as she can feel his body heat warming her in the cool hospital air.

She dozes off a little bit only to wake up coughing for air again. Percy becomes alert for a second, and he pulls an oxygen mask off the wall, holding it to her face. He keeps it there for her as she settles back down, and she begins to fall asleep against him again.

She’s sure that someone walked in to find them like that, but Percy doesn’t move. He stays there until she wakes back up again, and then she is much less tired and much more chatty.

“Can we watch a movie later?” she asks.

“If that’s what you want to do.”

“But we have to open presents first.”

“Of course,” he says, humoring her.

“What did you get me?”

“I can’t tell you that,” he chastises softly. “It would ruin the surprise.”

“How about you tell me now, and I pretend to be surprised later.”

Percy kisses her once. “Come on. Just wait a few more hours.”

“Oh my god, you got me that car I wanted, didn’t you?”

Percy snorts in her face. “Sure.”

“And a new house, right?” “Where do you think I’m pulling this money from, babe?”

She nuzzles his neck. “What did you get me then?”

“I got you a coupon that says you may request one baby.”

“So you got me a coupon that says we can bang mercilessly?”

“Yes.”

“That’s a lame gift.”

Percy gasps, tickling her side until she can’t breathe again. He stops as she starts wheezing, but he’s then pinching her arm lightly. “That’s so mean.”

“Just tell me what you got me for Christmas!”

“You have to wait and see!”

She sighs but gives in, laying against him again. The rest of Christmas Eve is spent like that, Percy sitting by her side listening to Annabeth talk his ear off. It’s not the Christmas Eve she ever expected, but it was certainly one to remember. When she got discharged a few hours later with Percy ending his shift, he takes her on a long carried at four in the morning so that they can look at all the pretty lights she missed out on.

And when they get home just as the sun begins to rise, they immediately both go to sleep. Percy’s arms are snug around her waist, his face pressed against her back. He says it’s because he wants to listen to her breathing and make sure she’s okay, and she makes sure to tease him endlessly for it.

In reality though, she doesn’t mind in the slightest. Christmas is spent with just them, and Percy tends to her the entire day. She takes full advantage of it, and she may have called him Dr. Sexy way too many times, but Percy just smiles and pulls her in for a kiss each time she does.

When it comes time to open presents, it turns out that he really did get her that coupon, which she makes good use of, but he also got her the extra band to her wedding ring that she’s had her eye on for months, and everything is absolutely perfect. She never would’ve thought that the best Christmas was the one where a cookie nearly murdered her, and Percy was her hot doctor, but here she is.

It’s not at all a normal Christmas, but it’s certainly a special one, and one she wouldn’t trade for the world.

[fortheloveoffanfic]

Behind Closed Doors

Keanu Reeves x OFC (A/n- I hate these moodboards sm)

Masterlist. Behind Closed Doors Masterlist

Warnings- Angst, medical emergency, sexual tension

Chapter 3 Taking Blame

One month later After they'd gotten engaged, Keanu had been politely adamant in insisting that Miranda get to know Matt and Poppy better; take them out, spend time with them after their tutors left for the day and drive them to swim and ballet occasionally. As expected, she'd been reluctant, and even when Miranda did begrudgingly agree, Emma had been asked, or rather persistently urged, to join her. Of course, Miranda had dismissed Keanu when he protested that the entire purpose of her taking them was to spend time with the twins alone, arguing insistently that it was Emma's job to take care of them.

That had been nearly a month ago, and after one trip to the mall, two swim meets, three weekly ballet practices, spent with Emma trailing three paces behind Miranda, holding the children's hands along with whatever bags they had, Miranda had finally agreed to watch the children on her own and Keanu had let Emma have some time off.

Using her time liberally, Emma had gone to lunch with a couple old college friends, and then for a few drinks after. It was past seven when she finally returned, and from the minute she walked through the side door from Keanu's huge garage, the strong aroma of baked goods washed her senses, peaking Emma's curiosity, drawing her towards the kitchen. She didn't think Zelda had stayed that late.

Much to her surprise though, it wasn't the older woman in the kitchen, instead, it was Miranda standing amid the mess, a tray of grayish brownish cookies laid out on the the breakfast bar, dressed casually in white lounge pants and loose lace blouse, some of her hair pined away from her face. Surrounding the tray, was an assortment of ingredients, most of them looking like they'd been bought at a high end organic food shop. "Miranda?" Emma said slowly, beckoning the older woman's attention.

"Emily!" She spun on the absent heel of her ballet pump, and Emma gnawed on her lip to quell her annoyance. It was still extremely irritating when Miranda got her name wrong, but she'd given up on correcting her, deciding that she was more than likely doing it on purpose. "You're home, finally. Zora left….." she trailed off, waving her hand dismissively, "Some time ago, but thankfully you're here to clean up. Try one, they're peanut butter cookies. Totally organic," she shoved the tray closer to Emma.

"Okay," she cringed, wondering how bad organic desserts could be. She'd heard the stories, how they tasted like cardboard, grass and other things that most people wouldn't readily put in their mouths. Miranda stared at her intently, clearly waiting for Emma to take a bite and so, deciding that a cardboard cookie might be easier to endure than her boss's fiancée whining, she nibbled to the edge, just enough to get a taste. Eyes widening in surprise, she went in for a bigger bite, humming at the surprisingly good taste, "This is actually……"

"It's good right? Apparently Keanu thinks you baking is the gold standard or whatever," and once again, Emma wasn't sure if Miranda's compliment was actually a compliment.

Stammering, she just nodded, "It is good, you made them for the kids, do they like them?"

"Mhm!" With a triumphant grin, Miranda started walking out of the kitchen, reaching the mouth of the hall, "They’re in the playroom, and since you're here you can take over now!"

Not even bothering to respond, Emma just shook her head, shrugging off her leather jacket, draping it over a chair at the kitchen table, knowing the sooner she got to work, the better. The first thing she did was start clearing the remaining ingredients from the counter, barely glancing at names and labels until something caught her eye, "Miranda!" Emma yelled, panicked, not caring how upset she'd get, "Miranda!"

Seconds later, she came hustling into the room, muttering about how rude and incompetent hired help could be. "What do you want now?" She spoke through gritted teeth.

"Did you put this in the cookies?" Hastily, she held up a bag half filled with wheat flour, the plastic packing clutched tightly in her fist. Her heart was probably beating a mile as Emma anticipated a response.

"Yeah," Miranda scrunched her nose, still upset by Emma's scolding tone, "So what, it's good-"

"Didn't you read the list?" Already she was dropping the flour, not caring if it spilled, making a bigger mess than before, lunging for her handbag and rummaging for her keys, "Matty, Pop!"

"What list?"

"The fucking allergy list!" Emma sneered, too jolted to stop and worry about Mirada's precious feelings, "It's right there on the fridge,” she pointed hurriedly, and just as she was about to call for the kids again, Matt came running into the room, his face pulled with fright.

“Emma!” He ran past Miranda and straight for her, grabbing her thigh to get Emma's attention, “Come quick, something’s wrong with Poppy! She started coughing and-” He was on the verge of tears and there was an anxious bounce in his stance.

“Hey, sweetie, it’s okay,” Emma quickly kissed his hair, standing again to go get Poppy, “Everything’s gonna be okay, but I need you to be a big boy and wait by the car for me,” after that mishap, there was absolutely no way in hell that Emma was leaving Matt alone with Miranda, not when she was pretty sure she had a case of anaphylaxis on her hands, “I’m gonna go get Pop, okay?”

Nodding he ran off, and Emma went in the other direction, choking a sob when she reached the playroom, finding Poppy on the floor, gasping for breath, angry red patches on her skin. Without thinking twice, her instincts took over and she scooped the girl up in her arms, laying her head on her shoulder. Cradling Poppy’s head, she ran out to the garage, almost slipping on the tiles in the process, “It’s gonna be okay baby, I’m not gonna let anything happen to you, okay?” Tears were hot on her cheeks, but Emma knew that she had other things to worry about, her own emotions could be seen to after.

“What should I do?” Miranda came to stand beside her, wringing her hands as Emma got Matt into the car seat. “I swear I didn’t know that she was allergic-”

“Look I don’t have time for this,” not even realizing that she wasn’t wearing a jacket, Emma was already in the driver’s seat, getting the posh SUV started. Ideally, she should have taken Miranda with her to keep a check on Poppy while they drove to the nearest hospital, but she couldn’t bring herself to deal with the woman while she was also trying to keep Matt calm and his sister alive. Not without starting a fight at least. “Just call Keanu, lock up the house and then meet us at the hospital.”

The automatic door started reeling upwards, and Emma was backing out, “Are you sure I can’t-”

“You’ve done enough Miranda,” She backed out, “We’ll be at L.A General,” and with that, Emma backed into the street, shifting gears and then speeding off, hoping that she’d get to the E.R before it was too late.

Curled up next to Emma in the pale green sofa of the pediatric waiting room, was Matt, fast asleep. It was just past eight, and if they were at home, she knew he’d still be bouncing off walls, nowhere near ready for bedtime, but Emma had passed his tire off as a consequence of the hustle and trauma, it was certainly enough to have her eyes heavy. But Emma couldn’t sleep, not when the doctors hadn't yet come to update her on Poppy’s condition. By then, in just about an hour, she cried, hyperventilated quietly and almost screamed several times. All she could think of was how Poppy having that life threatening reaction was all her fault. She shouldn’t have left Miranda alone with them, she should have told her to read the list, checked on them instead of stalling in the kitchen. Something, anything.

Sitting across from her, on one of the single seats was Miranda herself, worried, though not half as frenzied as Emma. Maybe she was just good at keeping it at bay. They hadn’t spoken since she’d gotten there, instead, Miranda had opted to anxiously flip through magazines provided while Emma had struggled through trying to get Matt to have a sandwich from the cafeteria and a little carton of milk for dinner, almost losing her mind when he fought her, but eventually getting him to have some of it. And like she couldn’t bare to sleep, she was also too sick to her stomach with guilt to eat.

Her thoughts had left her sinking, and when Matt had succumbed to slumber, Emma had let the rest of the room fade to nothing, one mantra playing on loop in her mind, ‘just let that sweet little girl be okay.’ Keanu had been unreachable, so they'd left several voicemails, and Emma vaguely remembered that he’d mentioned that he had a meeting about a movie he'd worked on as a producer and then another with his agent, though, when he came though the white double doors, motorcycle helmet in hand, his eyes were red, his hair a mess there was an urgency in this long strides. “What the hell happened?” Were the first words that tumbled out of his mouth as he looked between Emma and Miranda, who both stood at his entrance.

Immediately, Miranda rushed to his side, sinking into his side and letting his arm go around her waist. Before Emma could process his question, Miranda was the one speaking, “I have no idea,” she shot Emma an unreadable look, though at the last second, there was devilish glimmer in her green eyes, “Emma came home and made them snacks, and next thing I know Poppy’s having a reaction.” Figures that out of all times, Miranda would remember her name, it would be then.

Her jaw hung slack and for the longest minute, Emma was at a complete loss for words. Though, her mind came up with a long list of the things she wanted to say, what the fuck? Being at the very top. “I….” She stuttered, wanting to instantly clear her name. But then, in a rush, Zelda’s words came back to her, Miranda always gets what she wants and stay out of her way. “I…” Even if she did tell the truth, Miranda was Keanu’s fiancée, who would he believe anyway? The hired help or the woman who he wanted to be the mother of his children. Emma was pretty sure she already knew the answer, best not to fight it, especially since she was clearly already on Miranda’s bad side. “I’m sorry,” fighting tears was hard, and the anger that heated up Keanu’s face was frightening, “I didn’t mean to- to- I just-”

Cutting off her stammering, moving his hand from Miranda’s waist, tossing his helmet to a chair and finally running both his hands through his hair. “How could you be so careless?” He hissed loud and venomously, “You could have killed my daughter,” the only reason he wasn’t full on yelling was because Matt was sleeping nearby, but Emma could tell that it was barely holding Keanu back and the low tone didn’t make his words sting less. “There’s a list for a reason, you know that. But now, my daughter is in the hospital because you were careless! What do you have to say for yourself?”

“I am so, so sorry Keanu,” hot tears streamed down her face, from tired burning eyes. Her hiccupped breaths made Emma feel like a child being scolded at recess and all she wanted to do was have a fissure in the floor open up and swallow her. “I would never hurt Poppy, not intentionally, and I swear, as soon as it happened-”

“She came and told me,” Miranda interjected, intent on only making the situation worse, a hint of a smirk threatening to twist her lips, “And I told her that she had to take the children to the hospital immediately. Poppy could have died, for God’s sakes!”

A strangled sob threatened to wake Matt, and Emma had to clasp her hand over her mouth. How could someone be so outrightly vicious, going as far as shoving the blame on another person. “Maybe hiring you was a mistake,” Keanu determined, and Emma’s eyes went wide, definitely not prepared for what came next, “Maybe we need to reconsider you as their nanny.”

“What?” Emma swallowed thickly, that couldn't be it. From the minute they met she knew that Miranda hadn’t liked her, but fired? Never seeing the twins again or Keanu, she didn’t think it would go that far. “Please don’t-”

“I think you’ve said enough,” Keanu raised his hand, motioning for Emma to stop, passing it over his face before turning away.

Emma needed that job, and she adored those kids. Hell, she might have even been falling for Keanu, but she was not prepared to be humiliated even further. And maybe, if Miranda was going to be a permanent part of the Reeves household, it was better that she didn’t stick around. She could put up with a lot, but being someone for an entitled celebrity to cast undue blame on wasn’t one of them. Passive aggressive insults, snide remakes, being a bag holding mouse and walked all over, she could take. But being humiliated in public, for something she hadn’t done? Being treated like she was an inept child and not worthy of having an explanation or a chance to clear her name? That was where she drew the line.

“You know what Keanu,” Emma felt around her bag, eventually pulling out the keys for the SUV that she used to drive around the kids, “Miranda,” she hissed vehemently, “Maybe I should save you both some time,” finding a spot of courage, she strode up to him, Emma shoved the keys to Keanu’s chest, not caring if he got a hold of them or not, “Cause I quit.”

From the minute he held the keys in his grasp, feeling her fingers brush his and subsequently watching Emma walking out of the waiting room, Keanu knew he’d made a mistake. Emma couldn’t just leave, his children adored her, he…...well, he wasn’t too sure about what he felt for her, but he did know that he didn’t want to lose her. The whole firing quip had been an empty threat, fueled by stress and anger. “Shit,” he muttered under his breath, “Mandy, you stay here,” he started walking off, hoping to catch Emma before she could leave the hospital.

“Where are you going?” She grabbed his bicep, “You can’t just leave me here with him,” Miranda gestured to Matt, still curled up sleeping, not knowing that the nanny that he’d started looking up to had just walked out on them, and it was all his father’s fault. “Besides,” she reasoned, tone even and cool, “If she wants to leave, you should let her. She’s lazy and irresponsible.”

“Wha- no,” Keanu shook off Miranda's grip and by extension, her words, “Emma is not lazy, she works her ass off for my kids, and irresponsible? It was a mistake,” in an instant, his mind was changing and Keanu was regretting the way he’d handled things with Emma. She was obviously devastated knowing that she’d put Poppy at risk, and he had just made it worse, “Allergies happen, she has to learn. And I do too. I'm sorry,” he began the walk to the doors, “But I have to go find her.”

Keanu hadn’t meant for things to go awry, or to force Emma to quit, but he had just been so upset; worry and fear morphing into anger, causing him to lash out. In her three months with their family, that was the first time that she’d made any sort of mistake. Emma had probably committed the list memory and believing that she could make such a careless mistake was becoming increasingly hard. It just didn’t make sense. Emma treated his kids like they were her own, and that was only one of the many reasons why Keanu couldn’t lose her.

Thankfully though, he was able to catch up to her just as she was headed for the curb, arms wrapped around herself to combat the night’s chill, her sleeveless cotton shirt, with a little knot over her navel not really doing her any favors. “Em!” He jogged up to her, speeding up when she walked faster, “Emma, please, just wait.”

“What?” She turned, olive cheeks tear stained and taking on a reddish tint, illuminated by the street laps lining the parking lot, rage and hurt intermingling, “What do you want?” She heaved, and Keanu hated that he’d made her cry. She didn’t deserve to cry, she didn’t deserve anything he’s given her back there. Emma was a marvelous person, who was exceptional at her job.

“I’m sorry,” Keanu breathed, shaking his head, stepping closer, “You’re the best nanny Matt and Poppy have ever had; they love you, they listen to you and they’d miss you a damn lot if you left. I’d miss you,” his features softened, his eyes pleading, “I shouldn’t have flipped out on you like that, I wasn’t even there and mistakes happen. I know that you wouldn’t put either of my kids in danger,” he slumped his shoulders, and Emma looked away, swiping at her eyes. She was fighting shivers too, Keanu could see it; it had rained earlier that day, and a distinct dampness along with an uncharacteristic chill still hung in the air. Not thinking much of it, just not wanting her to catch a cold, Keanu shrugged off his riding jacket, stepping closer and reaching around Emma to drape it over her slender shoulders, taking the opportunity to grip them after, “Please don’t leave us Em. I'm begging you.”

“I’ll stay,” she clenched her jaw, wiggling out of Keanu’s grip, “But not for you, I’m staying for those kids. And next time you want to accuse me of trying to kill one of your children, maybe you should dig a little deeper first."

“What?” Knitting his brows, Keanu watched as she started towards the hospital’s entrance, his coat swallowing up her frame, not even offering one backwards glass before going through the automatic doors.

Three Days Later The house had been exceptionally quiet since they’d returned from the hospital, Keanu had asked Emma to tell the tutors to take the rest of the week off, and Poppy had been recovering with her brother almost constantly at her side. The doctor warned them that Poppy’s allergy to wheat could have been deadly if they hadn’t gotten there sooner, and when Keanu had hugged Miranda in relief, while Emma was still wearing his jacket, she had to pretend it didn’t sting.

As a direct, though relieving side effect though, Miranda had been actively avoiding her, and Emma could tell that Keanu was too. That was, until late one evening, after Emma had put the kids down for an early bedtime and had resigned to her own room, getting into comfortable shorts and a loose camisole after her hot shower, deciding that a glass of wine and a movie on her laptop would be the perfect end to an easy Friday. The knock on her door and been soft, lacking urgency, and when she pulled it open, seeing Keanu on the other side, she was actually surprised, “Keanu?”

“Hey,” he smiled sheepishly, dressed like he’d just come home, still in his jacket and everything. The same one he’d lent her back at the hospital. She wondered if he’d washed it, or if he had let the fading scent of her favorite perfume linger against his skin.

Before he spoke again, Keanu faltered, almost losing himself as he drank her in, tiny cotton shorts boasting her smooth, toned legs, the fabric of her top stretched across her chest and Emma's long, drying tresses swept over one shoulder, leaving the slender column of her neck exposed. A wedding band that hung on a thin gold necklace settled against her skin, Keanu knew it was her father's, she'd mentioned when he asked if it belonged to someone else, someone like a husband. Remembering himself, Keanu took in a breath, trying to pull himself out of the trance that he'd fallen into, “Can I come in?”

Nodding, Emma stepped back, pulling the door open a little more, “Your house, your bedroom,” she tried to return his smile, still feeling the tension between them, not sure if it was a good tense or a bad one.

“It’s your room,” Keanu countered, serious, though not harsh, “As long as you’re here with us, its your home too, and your room.” Stuffing his hands into his pockets, he bent his head, dark mane curtaining his handsome face, smile fading. “I think I owe you an apology,” he shuffled his feet awkwardly, “No, I know I owe you an apology.”

“Keanu-” Emma tried to stop him, though he cut her off, not the way he had the last time, that night, it was softer, as he pleaded with her to just hear him out.

“I really need to say this,” Keanu raised his head, his whiskey gaze meeting her hazel orbs, and he tentatively toed a step closer, “What I said the other night at the hospital, I was way out of line,” he sighed, going slow so so he wouldn’t fumble over his words, “What I’m trying to say now is; I know it wasn’t you that caused the reaction.”

“What?” Baffled, and immensely relieved, Emma felt a mountain of stress that she hadn’t known was there, rolling off her shoulders, “How?”

Chuckling dryly, Keanu shook his head, moistening his lips, “When I came home, and saw those cookies, I knew it couldn’t have been you. I mean, you bake, but not with organic peanut butter and almond milk. I had my suspicions back at the hospital, you probably know that list better than the back of your hand,” he raked his nails through his beard, “And then I asked Matt, and he told me that it was Miranda that made the cookies. So I'm really, really sorry, about all of that.”

“Oh,” the soft exhale left Emma’s parted lips, and truly, she couldn’t believe that she was actually getting an apology from her boss. Not sure of how to proceed, she gnawed on her lip for a second, “What’re you gonna do?”

Huffing, Keanu smirked, “Nothing. Knowing Mandy, she’d just deny it anyway. Besides, it was an accident,” If Emma wasn’t mistaken, she could have sworn he sounded a little bitter.

“Thank you,” Emma smiled, happy when Keanu returned the gesture, “I know you didn’t have to apologize, but it means a lot to me that you did.”

“Uh, yeah,” grinning breathlessly, they lingered like that for a moment, until the air grew flustered, and Keanu noticed her wine glass on the nightstand and computer on the made bed, mumbling about how he should get out of her hair.

Though, when he was on his way out of Emma’s room, he absently grabbed his right shoulder, rubbing and rolling the joint, “You okay?” She halted him, “That looks like it hurts.”

“Yeah,” he winced, trying to downplay it, even if Emma could see right through his façade, “Went to the gym this morning, now I’m starting to think that my trainer was right when she said I’ve stayed away for too long. Nothing to worry about though, just a little sore.”

“Maybe I can help,” she had no idea where the suggestion came from, or why she hadn’t tried harder to keep it inside, but there was really no going back anyway. Clearing her throat, Emma blushed, “Why don’t you take off your jacket, and sit on the bed?”

Just as flustered, Keanu inhaled deeply, wanting to oblige, but not sure if he should, “You don’t have to-”

“I want too,” taking initiative, Emma approached him, leaning up on her toes, her eye line barely meeting the back of his neck as she urged his jacket off, folding it in half and draping it over the arm of an accent chair. His biceps strained against the sleeves and Emma swallowed the little flirtatious comment that sat at the tip of her tongue. “Sit, please. I insist.”

Nodding, Keanu went over to bed, sitting on the edge as instructed and then watching intently as Emma crawled up behind him. Her bare knees grazed him as she adjusted herself, and it wasn’t long before he felt her small hands on his shoulders, kneading slowly. Her fingers applied the perfect amount of pressure, and when she rubbed the base of her palms over them, the sensation was close to orgasmic, “Shit, Em…..” Keanu groaned, feeling the tension start dribbling away, “That is…..amazing.”

Giggling musically, she just carried on. The muscles beneath his t-shirt were far firmer than what she expected from someone his age, and touching him like that, seemed more intimate than Emma had intended. “That’s good, cause you are so tense. You’ve gotta take it easy Keanu,” she chuckled.

“I know, its just….I’ve got a lot on my plate,” he voice dropped lower as he closed his eyes, submitting to the pleasure. It had been a long time since he’d let someone take care of him like that, since someone even offered to take care of him like that, and not even Miranda’s touch felt that way, so warm and soothing. Keanu would be lying if he said he was okay with it ending. “I’m just glad I have you though.”

“Oh?” Emma slowed down, leaning forward so her unrestrained breasts were pressed against Keanu’s back when her face reached the side of his. By the time he turned to face her, their lips were a mere inch apart, and it wouldn’t have taken much for her to just kiss him. “Well I’m glad I’m here for you,” she whispered, her hot breath fanning his face.

“I need to ask you something,” Emma could have sworn that Keanu was leaning in, and his eyes searched hers, longing reflected.

Mesmerized, Emma barely registered his words, only anticipating what she thought might come next, “Okay.”

“I uh….” his gaze fell on her perfect, plump lips, “I was just wondering, would you go to Paris with me?” Her heart leapt and while it wasn’t the question she’d been hoping for, Emma was already excited, “With me and the kids I mean.” Suddenly, as fast as it was created, the moment was gone, and embarrassed, Emma pulled away, trying to refocus her attention of Keanu’s stiff shoulders, “I have to be there by next month for a premiere, and since I’m gonna be spending my birthday there, I thought I’d take Matt and Poppy too. Obviously, if you have other obligations here, I wouldn’t want you to leave them.”

Disappointed and confused, Emma’s response was void of enthusiasm, “No, no I don’t,” swallowing tightly, she tried not to cry, hoping her shame wasn’t audible, “I’d love to go, part of the job, right?”

Keanu took a minute before he responded, though, when he did, his somber tone seemed to reflected hers, “Yeah, I guess so.”

*****

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