#but now i realize this is very shadowheart core

[snickersneemcgee]

god I love making people question their faith. not fun when it happens to me though

[chaoticbardlady99]

I Triple Dog Dare You (Astarion x F!Reader) (Part 2 to Pinkie Promise)

CW: Angst, mentions of trauma, mentions of sexual trauma, mentions of bullying, mentions of parental death, mentions of domestic violence, mentions of voyeurism

Both titles have been inspired by the song ‘School Nights’ by Chappell Roan

Dedicated to @amica-aenigmata-naboo - thank you for demanding a part two 😂

Part 1: Pinkie Promise?

✨this has been proof read once and I have been awake and working since 3 am. It is not 10:04 pm. Please help✨

You finish your letter by folding it into thirds and then writing ‘Star’ on the back. You take a deep breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth- reminding yourself that you already know he likes you back, you are just taking that last extra little step. You also can’t attempt to write this letter again- this is your 8th draft, the others turning into flames in your hands very quickly.

You want to ask Astarion to be in a serious relationship with you. You have only been seeing each other (as far as you know) and you’ve spent almost everyday sleeping with him in his tent since you had ventured into the Underdark. Most of the time- you don’t even have sex. You stay up talking together and sharing soft kisses- no clothes, just intimacy. You adore those moments immensely.

Life around camp has also been good- everyone is finally beginning to get along. Shadowheart and Lae’zel even silently respect each other now. It feels like one big happy family and you are grateful for them when this whole journey feels far too big and scary.

Recently, you and your crew have been playing an ongoing game of “Triple Dog Dare”. The only rule is you can’t dare someone in the middle of a battle or a serious mission. Otherwise- it’s all fair game and if you decline to do it, you have to take the darers’ guard duty or help them with a chore. The chores were limited to one task and it can’t be taking down a whole tent + equipment- the one time Astarion had to take down Gale’s tent had been disastrous. The dare had been to allow Gale to take you on a date- Astarion shot back with a “I triple dog dare you to swallow my fucking knife wizard.” All parties (minus Astarion) agreed that this dare was not to be followed through on.

The game has had… less than favorable results. Watching Wyll and Karlach streak across the camp while you were piss drunk was awful. Oh and the time Gale almost died because Wyll dared him to spy on the two of you for 20 minutes. You hadn’t heard his thoughts, but Astarion had. His head had shot up from between your legs with a furious look in his eyes. Astarion had covered your naked frame up quickly with his shirt (his trousers still on) and chased after Gale until he pushed the man into the freezing Underdark water.

The group then had to make a few more rules people didn’t realize they had to make. In Gale’s defense- Wyll didn’t specify and Wyll is a real snob about which chore he gives the person. It’s also the worst chore and usually includes de-stinking his boots. You are almost positive Wyll does this on purpose as repayment for all the headaches this groups’ shenanigans has given him-oh and the horns.

Karlach triple dog dared you today to finally confess your feelings to Astarion. You had gawked at her and then dared her to do the same with Dammon. You shook on it and it was done.

Finding out that Astarion’s life is in far more danger than any of them had realized shook you to your core. You are tired of wasting time being afraid to ask him what you already know (or at least hope you know). You are silently grateful that Karlach has given you the push you needed (you doubt she would have actually made you do anything- she wouldn’t put you on blast like that).

It just never felt like the right time in the past. Having your life be in constant danger is kind of a romance killer and you aren’t sure how the hell you are supposed to do this.

Do you court him? Do you ask him to court you?

You ultimately settled on just flat out telling him your feelings- politics be damned. It’s not like you were welcome in High Society anyway.

Now you are in the safety of Last Light Inn and it feels like the right time to bring this up. You worry that waiting any longer will result in him looking for someone more serious or maybe you would always just be a person he slept with during the journey to his freedom.

You hope you are more than that and you are almost positive you are. The way he looks at you, kisses you, and talks to you is so genuine- his eyes are always so soft and so are his lips. He protects you and you protect him. You adore him and you think he adores you too.

So naturally, walking up behind him and Shadowheart talking isn’t a nerve wracking endeavor to you. This is all going to go off without a hitch!

Or so you thought.

Your ears twitch and you barely hear what they say to each other, but you do. Gods you wish you hadn’t.

“You are insufferable, Cleric.” Astarion groans, “I already told you my answer.”

“Oh please- you follow them around like a lovesick puppy. You can’t honestly tell me you have absolutely no feelings for them.”

Shadowheart takes a long sip of her pint and raises an eyebrow at him. You remain in the shadow- your heart thumping out of your chest. Maybe he’ll say a lot of wonderful things about you? Maybe your hopes will be-

“Nope, not a single feeling outside of my carnal desires,” he says nonchalantly, “that’s all it’s been and they know that.”

Oh.

You feel all the air leave your lungs as you crumple your letter and shove it in your pocket. You don’t know why you insist on listening further.

“Then I triple dog dare you to go talk to someone and take them to bed. You will have no problem bedding that Harper who keeps giving you ‘fuck me’ eyes- I’m sure.”

Oh please no.

“You offend me- that’s hardly a challenge,” he says while standing up, sauntering over to the Harper that is eyeing him.

You promptly turn around and hurry out of the building. You can’t breathe. You should have known better.

You had always been Tav the Guillable, the Plain, the Insufferable, etc, etc. You had been thrown at your aunt and uncle when your parents passed. Your aunt and uncle lived in a nice Human only city and you are a ‘filthy half-breed.’

One of the boys in your Archery class found out you had a crush on him so he asked you to meet him by the river. You showed up with wild flowers for him- something your mother told you Wood Elf’s do to show affection. He showed up with your entire class- all of them laughing at you for being stupid enough to believe he liked you and then his future partner beat the shit out of you before throwing you into the rushing water. You wished you hadn’t survived, but a nice family who was tolerant towards Half breeds saved you. Your Aunt and Uncle were pissed. Admittedly, so were you.

They treated you terribly- constantly trying to marry you off to old men who you would turn away with your boorish behavior.

You really thought you had it right this time. Everything felt so natural and right- like you had been made for each other. What did you not pick up on? What did you miss this whole time? How could you have been so blind?

You pick up your bedroll on the way out- you were all going to sleep on the floor of the inn with the rest of the Harpers and Refugees, but you couldn’t pretend you wanted to be near Astarion like he does with you. You aren’t ready to confront him- you aren’t ready for the pretty illusion to be completely shattered and swept under the rug yet. You were just getting used to being someone he loved and now the whole world is crumbling underneath you.

It was barely anything- obviously- so why does it hurt this much?

You find yourself in front of Damon’s metal shop and he’s talking to Karlach. You clear your throat and they both look at you. Karlach suddenly looks concerned when she sees the look on your face.

“Could I sleep above your shop tonight?” You say with a strained voice, “behind the hay? I just… need to be alone.”

“Sure thing- it’s all yours.”

You smile gratefully at him and begin to climb up the ladder.

“Do you want me to tell Fangs, Soldier?”

You can hear the question in her voice. She is your best friend after all.

“No- please don’t,” you smile at her sadly, “I would prefer he doesn’t know where I am.”

Karlach nods in understanding, giving you a sad smile, and you go behind the hay and lay out your bedroll. It smells like him and you don’t know if that’s helping or hurting at this point, but you are mostly too tired to care.

Your heart hurts as you try to find sleep. You throw the crumpled note across the little loft and silently begin to cry.

At least you knew what it felt to give and receive love- even if it was false and unrequited the entire time.

*****************************************

Astarion is barely present for the conversation with the Harper male who is trying to impress him into bed. Astarion is only thinking of you and how much he wants to get this over with so you can find a more secluded spot together. Every morning to every night feels like far too long to wait to have a tender moment with you.

Astarion imagines leaving lingering kisses along your collar bones and your cheeks. He thinks about how he desperately needs to rebraid your hair. It’s been frizzy and unruly from all the fog- the baby hairs sticking out all over the place. He also needs to patch up your armor again- your Meilikki Cleric Armor ripped apart from the events of yesterday.

Mostly though, he wants to spend the off day tomorrow with just you. Astarion wants to find somewhere to hide or even just rent a room so that you can just be in each other’s presence un interrupted by the world. Astarion’s heart glows at the thought of the sexless intimacy you share. He’s so happy it’s not a priority to you- it’s allowed him to do things at his own pace and as he wants to which is very freeing to him.

Astarion had finally admitted to himself that his plan had well and truly failed- he has fallen for you very hard.

He doesn’t know what possessed him to lie to Shadowheart. He mostly just didn’t want to be pressured to leap forward. Astarion isn’t sure if you want to be something real with him and he also doesn’t know if you are hell bent on being a proper noble woman who marries a proper noble man. It would break his heart if you rejected him and Astarion has no desire to feel that way. For now, Astarion will bask in his peaceful ignorance.

The Harper man eventually scowls at Astarion and tells him to fuck off if he isn’t interested. Astarion goes back to Shadowheart with an annoyed look on his face.

“Fine- you win, Cleric,” Astarion scowls, “I have feelings for them. I couldn’t even give that man a moment of my attention because I couldn’t stop thinking about them so if you will excuse me-“

Shadowheart squeals in delight and Astarion rolls his eyes. Astarion walks around the entire inn and property- you are nowhere to be found. Astarion is beginning to become more and more worried. Astarion is pacing out front when Karlach and Dammon come up to the Inn- ready to hit the sack.

“Karlach,” Astarion says, a bit more panicked than he means to, “where is Tav? I’ve been looking for them everywhere and I can’t find them!”

Karlach looks suddenly uncomfortable and like she definitely knows where you are.

“Karlach if you know where Tav is-“

“I do!” She says exasperated, “but they specifically asked that you don’t know and I don’t blame them! You gonna go fuck them and pretend to have feelings for them again for the billionth time?”

Astarion is stock still and horribly confused. What in the hells is she talking about? Karlach shoves a piece of crumpled paper into his hands and shakes her head at him.

“You know- if you are going to fuck with someone’s feelings,” Karlach tries to keep her patience, “maybe don’t pick the nicest person in the room. Honestly Fangs- fuck you. I thought you were better than that.”

Astarion is at a loss for words- which is very rare for him. He slowly unfolds the note- hoping it might put some of the pieces together.

Star,

I have really come to enjoy your company and our time together.

I am quite smitten with you and I’m too nervous to say this out loud, but I would like to be able to call you my partner (in a romantic sense)- if you return my feelings, that is.

If not, no worries. All I want is for you to be happy.

-Tav

The pieces click together like a haunting tune.

You had heard everything that was said between him and Shadowheart. Obviously you didn’t stick around for the important part, but Gods you must be heartbroken.

Astarion has to assume you were hiding somewhere in Damon’s shop if Karlach is the one who knows where you are. He had been avoiding the shop initially so that Karlach could have her privacy with Dammon. Now it’s fair game.

Astarion quickly walks towards the shop and as soon as he enters- his ears pick up your quiet sobbing. Your thoughts are loud and unguarded- his words playing in your head over and over again. You are wondering why you aren’t good enough. Astarion finally sees what you have refused to show him- your parents are long gone, despite the fact that you talk about them as if they are waiting for you to come home. Your Aunt, Uncle, cousins, and an entire society have rejected you, humiliated you, and belittled you. This just happens to be the salt in the wound. You keep looping through the thought of how stupid you are to have missed this of all damn things. How could you even begin to think he would actually want you? Plain, boring, ugly, half-breed Tav.

Oh my Darling, what have I done?

Shadowheart had been teasing him relentlessly ever since you had all arrived back to the safety of Last Light Inn. You had led them all to support Astarion in finding out more about the scars carved into his back. It had been incredibly dangerous and Shadowheart had had to heal him more than usual- he kept putting himself between you and every bomb, warrior, etc. He wanted her to stop- he likes the privacy of his little world with you.

Now he’s demolished that world and your heart in less than an hour. Astarion was actually nervous earlier- realizing how deep his feelings for you are and how much he wants something real with you. He just isn’t close enough with Shadowheart to share those feelings out loud willingly. Astarion is thrilled that you feel the same way, but now he isn’t sure he can convince you that his feelings are genuine and not a giant lie.

Astarion slowly makes his way up the ladder and he hears your sobbing stop- one single sniffle occurring before silence.

“Darling?” he asks quietly.

The air is tense and Astarion feels more nervous than a school boy with a crush. You hiccup.

“Astarion.”

Your voice is strained and cracks- he can hear the effort you put into trying to make your voice sound steady and normal.

You are definitely not happy with him. You usually address him as Star when he first arrives in your orbit.

Astarion takes it as a good sign that you are at least willing to speak with him.

“It’s come to my attention that you may have overheard a conversation without context and without staying until the end,” Astarion says slowly, “I was hoping you might let me explain myself.”

You sit up gingerly, your head bent, and look up at him with puffy, bloodshot eyes. Your bottom lip is swollen- you often worry it between your teeth when you are upset. He doesn’t like when you are upset, but he does love how incredibly delicious it makes your lips look. Your skin is under a veil of tears and your cheeks are stained pink from you rubbing away the sadness from your face. It’s unfair how beautiful a crier you are.

Astarion decides to go against his better judgement and he crawls towards you. You look at him with a guarded expression, but you don’t fight him as he pulls you into his lap- his fingers moving the hair out of your face and wiping the remaining tears from your cheeks.

“Shadowheart was teasing me for being… overly concerned with your safety today,” Astarion begins, “I just didn’t want to- her and I aren’t close enough for me to-“

Astarion huffs in frustration and looks down at the floor momentarily before making direct eye contact with you. He decides to use the tadpole- maybe showing will make more sense than explaining.

Astarion shows you his original intentions of manipulating you- his musings over your beauty, but your aggravating naivety and the annoyance at your persistent kindness. He feels you flinch a little, but your body begins to relax against his as you watch his feelings change. Astarion lets you see all of his jealousy, confusion, fear, and adoration for you. He even lets you see his turmoil during sex. Astarion enjoys himself with you- more than he’s ever enjoyed himself with anyone, but the self-loathing and disgust pose a challenge during intimate moments.

Lastly, Astarion shows you how scared he is to lose you. He lets the feeling consume him and he feels like he’s a rope ready to snap at any moment. His mind wanders to how much he doesn’t ever want to have to miss you- the beautiful moments you have shared together and how much joy you have brought to his life. You make him want to be a better person- well at least in your presence. Astarion would do just about anything for you.

You press your forehead to his and release a relieved sigh. Astarion pulls you in for a deep, tender kiss. The kiss is needy, but not in a sexual way. Astarion needs you to know that he really does adore you- his affections are absolutely not fake.

He finally has to pull back to let you breathe and you wrap your arms around his neck.

“You make me so so happy, Darling,” Astarion whispers tearfully, “I really don’t want to lose you.”

“Star, I adore you for all the sentimental reasons,” your eyes sparkle as you look at him, “I’m not going anywhere.”

Astarion tries not to show how relieved he is, but the way his shoulders slump gives him away.

“We don’t have to have sex, you know,” you say quietly, “I can wait until you are ready. I want you to be happy and feel loved more than anything.”

Astarion is surprised by the choked sob that escapes his lips- pulling you in closer.

“That sounds like a challenge.”

“Yeah well,” you pull back and smile at him, “I triple dog dare you to prioritize your wants and needs first!”

Astarion rolls his eyes at you and tries to hide the grateful tears threatening to spill from his eyes. You are his most favorite person across all the planes. He is so grateful for you, your patience, and how much you try to understand him so that you can support his healing from centuries of abuse.

“Cheeky pup.”

You grin widely, “the cheekiest.”

“Hmmm well,” Astarion slyly smirks, “if we are going to play this childish game…”

You pout, jutting your lower lip out. Astarion places a chaste kiss on your cheek before whispering in your ear.

“I triple dog dare you to be something real with me.”

Astarion’s nerves are going haywire- praying to every God he can think of that you still want to be serious with him.

Your smile could light up the entirety of the Shadow Cursed Lands. You give him a short sweet kiss on the cheek and A kunik*.

“Dare accepted.”

*A kunik means nose kiss in Inuit

[emmy-dekarios-bg3]

Heart of the Weave - chapter 8 - back to Emmy’s POV

We decided to stay at Sharess’s Caress overnight so we have some comfortable beds to stay in before we head back home tomorrow. We hit up the Elfsong Tavern for some food and drinks before heading back to the Inn. It’s pretty late but luckily for us, we’re used to inconsistent times of activity. We sit at the table, waiting for our food to arrive, just simply enjoying each other’s company.

“Part of me really missed Baldur’s Gate,” Gale says. “When we were here last, all we did was…well, watch several unfortunate and catastrophic events occur one after the other, and smell the horrific odor of bloody corpses. Now, we can actually enjoy sitting at the tavern, or –”

“Watch other people get at it with a drow, get naked in the fountain in the middle of the city, drink alcohol from Hoots that will turn us into sheep. Ah, the fun stuff,” Astarion interrupts, looking content just thinking about these debaucherous acts.

“I at least want to do one really fun activity before we head back home,” I say. “Though, I know we don’t have time but one can only dream, right?”

“Name one thing that isn’t what I listed, I’ll wait.”

“My options are limited, friend.” He rolls his eyes but proceeds to smirk at me. I can tell that he secretly wants me to participate in some ‘extreme’ fun, which used to be me several tenday ago. I laugh as I take a drink of my ice-cold water. Refreshing.

“Speaking of which, I’m so PUMPED about being aunty Karlach. Just imagine all the adventures we will have!”

“Karlach, you’re not taking my baby to Avernus,” Gale retorts, fighting laughter. “I imagine it would not end well for any of us. Plus… I’m getting used to the thought of having a miniature version of yours truly.”

“Aw! Look at Gale getting all comfortable with being a dad, how cute! But can we at least pretend I’d be traveling through the cores of the Earth to the Hells with your spawn? ‘Auntie Karlach, can you please take me to Hell so I can slay some demons or giants or whatever?’ and I’d be all like ‘HELL YEAH, LET’S GO!’ I’m really great, Gale. I’ll be a wonderful influence.”

Gale turns his head, hiding it away so no one can see him laugh, though I hear it loud and clear.

“Oh damn! Speaking of which, we actually need to return to Avernus soon,” Wyll mentions.

“Well, more like a couple days. I just realized how much I was enjoying this little break.” Karlach leans her head on his shoulder, Wyll looking at her sweetly as he wraps his arm around her bulky shoulders. Spending time with my companions makes me almost wish we could adventure together regularly, or at least see each other more. While I don’t miss the gruesome violence and very close permanent death calls, I do miss the fun conversations, the people we’ve met, and building relationships with each other.

“I missed you guys,” I say, half-smiling as I reminisce. “Truly. I know this wasn’t an ideal situation for us to get together, but I’m glad it happened.” Shadowheart leans her head on my shoulder. It feels nice to be back with such a close friend; I haven’t seen her since the reunion camp half a year ago. Before that, it was my wedding day six months prior to that.

“You are the friend who helped me discover who I truly was,” she murmurs. “The friend who helped me overcome what I thought I couldn’t. Thank you.”

“Astarion, my guy! Are you looking forward to leaving this city after so long? I bet it’ll be quite the adjustment.” Karlach asks. He clears his throat, staring at the bar; it’s as if he’s desiring a glass of wine.

“Yes, and I missed all of you. It will be a strange yet exciting adjustment. At least there will be familiar faces and I don’t have to worry about what alley I’ll be hiding at. I miss a nice, cozy bed,” he says. “Half the people here still worship Gortash and he’s been dead for a year or so. Not exactly a pleasant scenery one wants to be around, especially being one of the ones that killed him.”

“God, I still want to punch him in the face.”

The rest of the evening contained several laughs, memories, some minor grieving, and wishing our other friends like Halsin and Lae’zel were in on the fun. Thinking about Lae’zel’s sass and strong-willed attitude, I begin to miss her more. It’s only fair she’s finally free from her toxic goddess and enjoying life in the Astral Plane, as she should. I wonder if the githyanki egg we gave her finally hatched? Is she mothering the child, different from most githyanki? I have so many questions I wish could get answered, but I guess that is set for when she comes back to visit eventually. I just hope she’s alive and well.

We finally head to our room at Sharess’s Caress so we can get some well-needed sleep for tomorrow’s adventure back home. We check in for our room and head up the stairs, walking in between several people who are just hanging around, drinking and having fun, and a weird feeling stirs within my stomach. Something tells me that an unwelcome visitor is about to approach us, and I’m usually right about these instincts.

“Are you ready for a comfortable bed and a good night’s sleep?” Gale asks, smiling as he opens the door. “Well, hopefully.”

Before I could answer, we noticed Raphael standing in the middle of our room, as if he had been waiting for us this entire time. It’s like he knew we were coming here. His eyes are filled with raging emotion, as if he’s after me with a thirsty vengeance. We thought we killed him. We thought he was dead. This just makes everything so much worse. And, of course, this only leads to more questions that I have, but I’ll stress myself out even more if I ask them.

Raphael stands there next to our bed in his human form with that evil smirk on his face, giving me a chill down my spine. In his eyes, I can see nothing but vengeance and desire for control, possibly trying to figure out a way to destroy me. I swallow nervously as silence fills the room, wondering what he plans on saying to us.

“Raphael?” I ask, not daring to take another step. He chuckles maniacally, clapping his hands together. What could he possibly want from us other than vengeance?

“Ah, you two. Such a lovely couple despite the fact you both thought you could destroy me, turn me into ash. You thought you could steal from me with no consequences. You’re strong, I’ll give you that. Determined. Motivated. Though, you lack intelligence thinking you could kill a devil,” he says with a deep, raspy voice that could soothe one to sleep. If it weren’t for his terrifying words, I definitely would be. “No matter. I’m willing to forgive and forget, should you be willing.”

“How…did you come back?” I ask, still in shock he’s standing right in front of us. His evil and cruel smile fills me with rage and I want nothing more than to destroy this horrible man right where he stands. Alas, we tried that before and he still came back. If we don’t die now, it’s guaranteed we will if we try to strike him down again.

“We always come back, dear. I wasn’t sure if you knew or not, but I have the Crown. The Crown you thought I couldn’t get, the one you wouldn’t deliver to me personally. I am The Absolute, or what it wishes it could’ve been. I own everyone: the damned souls, the other devils who were once above me, and…I own you.”

“Cut the crap, Raphael. How did you get the crown?”

“A devil is no different than a goddess, in a way. I talked her with my smooth words into giving it to me. She was squirming with the amount of power, she could not handle how overwhelmed she felt. She clearly did not know how to use it. Then again, she is not about power. She doesn’t know how to contain it. That’s the problem when all you know is the weave.”

“I knew Mystra was insufferable, but I didn’t think she was stupid enough to hand it to you!” Gale exclaims, then groans with irritability and frustration. We look at each other, pissed off but horrified at the same time. What does this mean for our future? For our baby?

“Also, congratulations on the new baby. Maybe your child won’t cross me once it’s born. It would be a shame if…” He pauses, giving us a dirty smirk that makes my skin crawl. “If I took it from you and used it as a thrall.”

“You better not, you sick fuck,” I growl under my teeth. “Don’t even think about it. Man, I liked you more when you weren’t such a cocky and self-centered psychopath. Well, you still were, but not nearly as intolerable as you are now, you delusional monster.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t have invaded my home and stolen from me, you inconsiderate meatsack.”

“Childish argument.”

“Besides, we needed to save Orpheus,” Gale chimes in. “We needed the hammer.”

“I would have given it to you in exchange for the crown, you ignorant fools. Either way, I get the crown no matter what, but in this case, you lose. Remember that.” Vapor lingers from the vapor of Raphael’s disappearance from the room. I can only feel anger and rage within me, trembling from the sight of Raphael in front of me, trembling at his words to antagonize me.

“We can’t let him do this,” I whisper, a single teardrop sliding down my cheek. “What do we do?”

“We have to make some sort of deal or compromise with him. It’s all devils want apparently. You and I both know this unfortunately. The problem is, what kind of deal can we make with him?” Gale is right but I have a feeling what he wants is the one possession I won’t part with.

[partmathpartmagic]

masterlist i guess?

i am working on getting these all on tumblr but it'll be a minute!

Give me six months (formerly Disarmed)

“I think, my love, that if we survive this, I have some work to do.”

Mina/Astarion | 11/11 chapters | Mature (I'll mark the smut chapters!)

This began from the idea that Astarion's friendship ending feels (to me) like his most happy and self-actualized ending, and maybe he needs those 6 months on his own before he can have a romantic happily-ever-after.

But it turns out she was used to being the one in the relationship with her shit together and when that's no longer the case she has some shit to figure out as well...

This is so fluffy, y'all.

Read on AO3: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 (very mild smut) | Chapter 10 (actual smut) | Chapter 11

Read on tumblr: only chapter 5 is posted here so far (because it's my fave and it stands alone decently) but i will update as that changes!

A flip of a switch (formerly At Your Mercy)

Being as beautiful as he was, people wanting him the way they certainly seemed to everywhere they went, it must be impossible for him to feel safe anywhere. To feel whole. To feel like a mind attached to a body rather than floating outside of it. Gods, but he had such a good mind. … Did he know that? What if he didn’t know that? What if he thought she only wanted his body? Surely he wasn’t that dense? Oh gods, she realized. He absolutely is.

Mina/Astarion | 6/6 chapters (for now) | Mature

A prequel to Disarmed, picking up a few nights after the tiefling party/the first time they sleep together. Focuses a lot on Astarion working through his shit, the two of them figuring out sexual and non-sexual intimacy, all that good stuff. Also very fluffy. I took destiny into my own hands and changed the title and I don’t hate it anymore!

Read on AO3: chapter 1 | chapter 2 | chapter 3 | chapter 4 | chapter 5 (smut) | chapter 6 (smutttttt)

Read on tumblr: only chapter 6 posted so far

The Gift

"I left you alone, and I’m sorry, and it kills me knowing I hurt you, but everyone is going to leave me alone in the end, even you.”

Rielle/Astarion | 4/? chapters | smut-free just sad as hell

Rielle hasn't seen Astarion for two centuries, and then he shows up at her art show (where several of the paintings are of him) for a painful reunion.

This is set 200 years after the events of the game, so the only surviving members of the core party are Rielle (tav), Astarion, Halsin, and Shadowheart, and Halsin and Shadowheart are near the ends of their lifespans. It's about Astarion wrestling with losing the first people he ever allowed himself to care about and the fact that he's an immortal spawn who's just going to keep losing people- is it even worth loving them in the first place?

If you can't tell this is just pure angst lol I am hurting my own feelings by writing this fic

Read on AO3: chapter 1 | chapter 2 | chapter 3 | chapter 4 | chapter 5 | chapter 6

Read on tumblr: chapter 1 | chapter 2 | chapter 3 | chapter 6

And isn’t that just like a sister?

"She wants to destroy you—but with her, for the first time, you think you make sense."

Female Durge/Astarion | 2/2 chapters | smut-free

An exploration of Durge and Astarion's complicated relationships with their sisters. I edited these minimally so they're a little more stream-of-consciousness. Ch 1 is Durge pov (2nd person though, you are Durge and Durge is you) and ch 2 is Astarion pov.

Read on AO3: chapter 1 | chapter 2

Read on tumblr: chapter 1 | chapter 2

We Were

“If the timing had been different, do you think we ever could have been in love?” “We were, darling.”

Female Reader/Gale/Astarion | 2/2 chapters | smut-free

You and Gale are happily married, but an old friend's wedding gets you thinking about the past and how things might have been different. Bittersweet and sad in the way life is sad.

Read on AO3: chapter 1 | chapter 2

Overlooked

You ask yourself, gently: what if you were the one he wanted to kiss? What if you were the one he looked at with those big, round, trusting eyes? Impossible, you think, and your mind pushes the thought away instinctively, but you hold it in place, letting your thoughts adjust.

Female Reader/Astarion | 2/2 chapters | smut-free for now?

You and Astarion are besties, but he's been really weird the past few weeks and you don't know why... friends to lovers and slow burn, will likely end with some smut

Read on AO3: chapter 1 | chapter 2 | chapter 3 | chapter 4 | chapter 5 | chapter 6 | chapter 7 | chapter 8 | chapter 9 | chapter 10 | chapter 11

[morelikebaldursgay]

I made another BG3 character. I needed to get to know Minthara so that I could better write her in my playthrough fic, The Weeping Dawn (I have a whole explanation for how she survives the ambush at the grove and joins Dirge's party). I really wanted to get the whole party, though, and also I would feel bad, so I definitely couldn't raid the grove. Thus, I needed to come up with a character who was selfish and survival-focused enough to go to the Mountain Pass without taking a side in the goblin-grove conflict.

And thus, Tavin (birth name Tsab'erin, meaning "advisor/counselor to the abyss/empty/void" (i.e. advisor to no-one/listened to by no-one) in Drow) was born.

(He was supposed to be a cis guy but all of the elf body 2 and 4 faces look godawful, so I guess he has tits now. We'll see what's canon as I get to know him better.)

One thing about Lolth-sworn Drow/Udadrow is that they fucking hate sorcerers, especially wild magic sorcerers, for cultural reasons, and drow with them--especially men--are often killed once their abilities are discovered. So, when Tavin discovered his abilities in puberty, he ran into the wilds of the Underdark (hence his Outlander background) to have a better chance at survival (which he did, although not unscathed--his facial scar is from a torchstalk explosion, and he also has a lot of trauma).

Tavin is absolutely obsessed with survival, and would do literally anything to stay alive. He has a very "put your air mask on before others" mentality, which is fine except his trauma has made him unable to feel like his mask is secure. He literally would never have saved Shadowheart from her pod if a) he didn't love magic and doing shit with it so goddamn much, and it turns out sorcerers can just use magic to unlock the pod and b) it wasn't as quick and easy as it was.

My current idea with him is that he'll recruit all the core Companions, do the Risen Road quests because they're on the way, do some shit in the Blighted Village because I love that fucked up book, go with Sazza to the Goblin Camp, leave for the Mountain Pass after realizing they can't help him, and eventually have a lot of guilt, trauma recovery, and bonding with his party members that enables him to care about other people and actually become a good person...oh and rescue and recruit Minthara at Moonrise!

Also his Dream Guardian is his mom, who he has a. Complicated relationship with (they have not spoken in decades). If any drow lore knowers have suggestions for what house he might be from I'm all ears!

[emmy-dekarios-bg3]

Heart of the Weave - A Baldurs Gate fanfiction

Chapter 8 - EMMY’S POINT OF VIEW

We decided to stay at Sharess’s Caress overnight so we have some comfortable beds to stay in before we head back home tomorrow. We hit up the Elfsong Tavern for some food and drinks before heading back to the Inn. It’s pretty late but luckily for us, we’re used to inconsistent times of activity. We sit at the table, waiting for our food to arrive, just simply enjoying each other’s company.

“Part of me really missed Baldur’s Gate,” Gale says. “When we were here last, all we did was…well, watch several unfortunate and catastrophic events occur one after the other, and smell the horrific odor of bloody corpses. Now, we can actually enjoy sitting at the tavern, or –”

“Watch other people get at it with a drow, get naked in the fountain in the middle of the city, drink alcohol from Hoots that will turn us into sheep. Ah, the fun stuff,” Astarion interrupts, looking content just thinking about these debaucherous acts.

“I at least want to do one really fun activity before we head back home,” I say. “Though, I know we don’t have time but one can only dream, right?”

“Name one thing that isn’t what I listed, I’ll wait.”

“My options are limited, friend.” He rolls his eyes but proceeds to smirk at me. I can tell that he secretly wants me to participate in some ‘extreme’ fun, which used to be me several tenday ago. I laugh as I take a drink of my ice-cold water. Refreshing.

“Speaking of which, I’m so PUMPED about being aunty Karlach. Just imagine all the adventures we will have!”

“Karlach, you’re not taking my baby to Avernus,” Gale retorts, fighting laughter. “I imagine it would not end well for any of us. Plus… I’m getting used to the thought of having a miniature version of yours truly.”

“Aw! Look at Gale getting all comfortable with being a dad, how cute! But can we at least pretend I’d be traveling through the cores of the Earth to the Hells with your spawn? ‘Auntie Karlach, can you please take me to Hell so I can slay some demons or giants or whatever?’ and I’d be all like ‘HELL YEAH, LET’S GO!’ I’m really great, Gale. I’ll be a wonderful influence.” Gale turns his head, hiding it away so no one can see him laugh, though I hear it loud and clear.

“Oh damn! Speaking of which, we actually need to return to Avernus soon,” Wyll mentions. “Well, more like a couple days. I just realized how much I was enjoying this little break.” Karlach leans her head on his shoulder, Wyll looking at her sweetly as he wraps his arm around her bulky shoulders. Spending time with my companions makes me almost wish we could adventure together regularly, or at least see each other more. While I don’t miss the gruesome violence and very close permanent death calls, I do miss the fun conversations, the people we’ve met, and building relationships with each other.

“I missed you guys,” I say, half-smiling as I reminisce. “Truly. I know this wasn’t an ideal situation for us to get together, but I’m glad it happened.” Shadowheart leans her head on my shoulder. It feels nice to be back with such a close friend; I haven’t seen her since the reunion camp half a year ago. Before that, it was my wedding day six months prior to that.

“You are the friend who helped me discover who I truly was,” she murmurs. “The friend who helped me overcome what I thought I couldn’t. Thank you.”

“Astarion, my guy! Are you looking forward to leaving this city after so long? I bet it’ll be quite the adjustment.” Karlach asks. He clears his throat, staring at the bar; it’s as if he’s desiring a glass of wine.

“Yes, and I missed all of you. It will be a strange yet exciting adjustment. At least there will be familiar faces and I don’t have to worry about what alley I’ll be hiding at. I miss a nice, cozy bed,” he says. “Half the people here still worship Gortash and he’s been dead for a year or so. Not exactly a pleasant scenery one wants to be around, especially being one of the ones that killed him.”

“God, I still want to punch him in the face.”

The rest of the evening contained several laughs, memories, some minor grieving, and wishing our other friends like Halsin and Lae’zel were in on the fun. Thinking about Lae’zel’s sass and strong-willed attitude, I begin to miss her more. It’s only fair she’s finally free from her toxic goddess and enjoying life in the Astral Plane, as she should. I wonder if the githyanki egg we gave her finally hatched? Is she mothering the child, different than most githyanki? I have so many questions I wish could get answered, but I guess that is set for when she comes back to visit eventually. I just hope she’s alive and well.

We finally head to our room at Sharess’s Caress so we can get some well-needed sleep for tomorrow’s adventure back home. We check in for our room and head up the stairs, walking in between several people who are just hanging around, drinking and having fun, and a weird feeling stirs within my stomach. Something tells me that an unwelcome visitor is about to approach us, and I’m usually right about these instincts.

“Are you ready for a comfortable bed and a good night’s sleep?” Gale asks, smiling as he opens the door. “Well, hopefully.” Before I could answer, we noticed Raphael standing in the middle of our room, as if he had been waiting for us this entire time. It’s like he knew we were coming here. His eyes are filled with raging emotion, as if he’s after me with a thirsty vengeance. We thought we killed him. We thought he was dead. This just makes everything so much worse. And, of course, this only leads to more questions that I have, but I’ll stress myself out even more if I ask them.

Raphael stands there next to our bed in his human form with that evil smirk on his face, giving me a chill down my spine. In his eyes, I can see nothing but vengeance and desire for control, possibly trying to figure out a way to destroy me. I swallow nervously as silence fills the room, wondering what he plans on saying to us.

“Raphael?” I ask, not daring to take another step. He chuckles maniacally, clapping his hands together. What could he possibly want from us other than vengeance?

“Ah, you two. Such a lovely couple despite the fact you both thought you could destroy me, turn me into ash. You thought you could steal from me with no consequences. You’re strong, I’ll give you that. Determined. Motivated. Though, you lack intelligence thinking you could kill a devil,” he says with a deep, raspy voice that could soothe one to sleep. If it weren’t for his terrifying words, I definitely would be. “No matter. I’m willing to forgive and forget, should you be willing.”

“How…did you come back?” I ask, still in shock he’s standing right in front of us. His evil and cruel smile fills me with rage and I want nothing more than to destroy this horrible man right where he stands. Alas, we tried that before and he still came back. If we don’t die now, it’s guaranteed we will if we try to strike him down again.

“We always come back, dear. I wasn’t sure if you knew or not, but I have the Crown. The Crown you thought I couldn’t get, the one you wouldn’t deliver to me personally. I am The Absolute, or what it wishes it could’ve been. I own everyone: the damned souls, the other devils who were once above me, and…I own you.”

“Cut the crap, Raphael. How did you get the crown?”

“A devil is no different than a goddess, in a way. I talked her with my smooth words into giving it to me. She was squirming with the amount of power, she could not handle how overwhelmed she felt. She clearly did not know how to use it. Then again, she is not about power. She doesn’t know how to contain it. That’s the problem when all you know is the weave.”

“I knew Mystra was insufferable, but I didn’t think she was stupid enough to hand it to you!” Gale exclaims, then groans with irritability and frustration. We look at each other, pissed off but horrified at the same time. What does this mean for our future? For our baby?

“Also, congratulations on the new baby. Maybe your child won’t cross me once it’s born. It would be a shame if…” He pauses, giving us a dirty smirk that makes my skin crawl. “If I took it from you and used it as a thrall.”

“You better not, you sick fuck,” I growl under my teeth. “Don’t even think about it. Man, I liked you more when you weren’t such a cocky and self-centered psychopath. Well, you still were, but not nearly as intolerable as you are now, you delusional monster.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t have invaded my home and stolen from me, you inconsiderate meatsack.”

“Childish argument.”

“Besides, we needed to save Orpheus,” Gale chimes in. “We needed the hammer.”

“I would have given it to you in exchange for the crown, you ignorant fools. Either way, I get the crown no matter what, but in this case, you lose. Remember that.” Vapor lingers from the vapor of Raphael’s disappearance from the room. I can only feel anger and rage within me, trembling from the sight of Raphael in front of me, trembling at his words to antagonize me.

“We can’t let him do this,” I whisper, a single teardrop sliding down my cheek. “What do we do?”

“We have to make some sort of deal or compromise with him. It’s all devils want apparently. You and I both know this unfortunately. The problem is, what kind of deal can we make with him?” Gale is right but I have a feeling what he wants is the one possession I won’t part with.