#but now i don't have anyone near whom i do love. people don't love me. i used to be love.

[totheidiot]

i hate that the solar eclipse just now serves as a reminder that nobody loves me.

[rizzanon]

childhood friend! Shinichiro Sano

part 1 | part 2 (here)

childhood friend! Shinichiro who matures quite significantly by the end of highschool, no longer asking out girls at school anymore much to your surprise

"Woah, look at you."

"Hm??"

"It's been months since you last asked out some random girl. What happened to the women obsessed Shinichiro I know?"

"Shut up, it was just a phase. Besides, you made me open my eyes in a way."

"How so?"

"I guess... I'm just waiting to ask the right person out now."

childhood friend! Shinichiro who invites you to witness the disbandment of the first generation of Black Dragons, despite you not being associated with his gang at all

"Why do you even want me to go? The people I know are only just going to be Takeomi, Waka and Benkei."

"Because I want you to be there. Is there any better reason other than that?"

"I suppose not..."

"And maybe it's also the fact that I need someone to watch over Manjiro haha..."

"I knew it."

childhood friend! Shinichiro who gets upset frustrated when you chose to ride with Takeomi instead of him on the day of the final gathering (he couldn't complain about it to you though, you made a fair point)

"Hey come on! Why are you going to ride with him? Takeomi's a worse rider than me y'know."

T- "Fuck off Shin. You don't worry about me stealing your girl from ya'."

"But you are a reckless rider-"

"Come on Shin, you can't expect me, you and Manjiro to be able to sit in one bike, can you? One of us is surely gonna fall off. I'll be fine with Take-chan, okay?"

"Fine..." (He was not fine with it)

childhood friend! Shinichiro who you make fun of when he comes over to you after the disbandment of the first generation of Black Dragons bawling his eyes out (you were prepared for this outcome)

"Glad to know you're still the same crybaby Shin I know."

M- "Haha! I'm gonna tell Emma you're such a crybaby."

"Cut it out you two! This—sniffs—is a special moment...!"

"You're lucky I brought tissues to wipe your tears away."

"I can't believe you know me that well."

childhood friend! Shinichiro who gets used to you coming over to the Sano household unnanounced whenever you pleased, not that anyone minded, since they all loved your presence

"Emma, be a dear and wake up Shin? Smack him if you have to."

E- "Okay!!"

"Woah, woah, there's no need to smack any—yawn—one. And why are you here?"

"Emma wanted me to teach her a new recipe to make for breakfast. So here I am!"

"And you decided to come over this early??"

"It's 7am Shin. Besides, don't act like you don't like seeing my pretty face the first thing in the morning~"

"Shut up." (Spoiler, he does)

childhood friend! Shinichiro whom you never grow apart from even after highschool, and you both started going on different paths, him opening up a motor bike shop while you started going to college and applied for a part time job as a cashier near the vicinity

"Wait, the shop you're working at is the one down the street, right? Just a few blocks away from my shop?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Great, looks like I can go say hi to you whenever I want."

"Don't you dare do something stupid to get me fired, Shin."

"No promises, ma'am."

childhood friend! Shinichiro who after miserably failing 5 times asks you for your help to bake a cake for Emma's birthday

"And what is this supposed to be?"

"Clearly, it's supposed to be Ariel, y'know, the princess mermaid??"

"That's your best attempt at making an ariel themed cake?? Now I know why you were begging for me to come over when you called me."

"I blame it on Manjiro for ruining the frosting."

M- "Hey! It was you who ruined it."

"So not true."

"I think the both of you should just shut up and help clean up this mess first."

childhood friend! Shinichiro who's gotten used to his siblings asking him where you were whenever you weren't seen with him and getting teased about it

E- "Neh, Shin-nii, where's [name]?"

"Probably stuck in another class, why do you ask?"

E- "I miss her."

M- "Idiot, we already saw her this morning."

E- "Hey! Don't act like you don't want her to come and play with us too!"

"Seriously you two, sometimes I wonder if I'm your older sibling at this point, with how much you ask for her."

M- "Shinchiro, we all know you love her as much as we do, maybe even more~"

"Shut your mouth Manjiro 💢"

childhood friend! Shinichiro who always shows up to your workplace when your shift is almost going to be over, always claiming that he was hungry and wanted to buy something, when in reality, he's there to send you home

"So..."

"And what the hell could you possibly want from this humble store, Shin?"

"Woah, woah! Can't a customer walk around the store to see what they want to get?"

"The last time you were here you knocked down a stack of cans on display, the manager almost reduced my paycheck because of that."

"In my defence, I didn't see the stack of cans."

"Suree you didn't."

"Hey, come on now! You know I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize your job.. on purpose at least...."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously. Now, would you be so kind to get me a pack of cigarettes, y'know, for a very dear friend of yours?"

"The only think you'll be getting from me is a pack of gum, rotten breath."

"Rude... now come on, when does this shift of yours end anyways? Let's get dinner on the way back."

childhood friend! Shinichiro who becomes your gossip and vent buddy whenever he sends you home after your shift, with him hanging onto every word you say, and hating on whoever you hate even if he doesn't know who the hell they are

"Argh, goddamnit, won't she just give me a break already?"

"Who? Wait—no, let me guess. Is it that girl from your econs class? What's her name again? Ka—Ka something..."

"Kazumi. Wow, didn't think you'd actually remember, well somewhat remember at least."

"With how much you complain about her, who wouldn't? But let me guess what she did to aggravate you this time."

"Go on. No guarantee that there'll be a prize for that though."

"She ditched a group project discussion again? Or she claims she's too busy to complete her part of the project when in reality she's going on parties and all that?"

"Mix of both actually, so congrats! No prize for you though."

"Aww. And here I thought you'll reward me for being a good friend."

"Argh, I should ask Takeomi or Benkei to intimidate her into actually taking this group project seriously or something..."

"Why ask them when you have your number one ride or die partner next to you to do so?"

"What'll you do? Intimidate her with the 20 rejections you've gotten? Pfft, she might even make that 20 become 21 before you intimidate her."

"I thought we swore to never talk about that ever again 💢"

childhood friend! Shinichiro who's grateful to you for bringing him his lunch to his shop whenever he leaves it at home and enjoys groans whenever you nag to him about the importance of not skipping any meals

"Guess some things will never change, huh?"

"Huh? Oh, is that my lunch?"

"No, no, it's my supper."

"Ha. Ha. Very funny [name]."

"I deserve more credit for making sure you don't skip your meals."

"Is that so? Would you like me to get on my knees and thank you? I can certainly do that."

"You and your cheesy lines... when will you learn to remember to bring your own lunch to work? You're pulling off the same shit you did back when we were in highschool."

"Maybe I just like your meals better than mine..."

"...??!... That... That still isn't an excuse for you to not bring along something to eat, dumbass. What would you do if I decide not to check in on you, hm?"

"Probably starve to dea-"

-smacks his head-

"Oww??? Alright, alright, sorry I guess, 'mom'. I won't purposely skip my meals ever again..."

"Good... next time, just... ask if you want me to cook extra for you."

childhood friend! Shinichiro who notes how you start to stand one arm's length away from him whenever you're with him, and when he asks you about it, becomes visibly distraught to hear you say he reeks of cigarette smoke

"Hey... why're you standing so far away from me? Don't tell me you came over to my shop just to see me work from a distance now.."

"You just stink, that's all."

"What??!? I definitely don't stink. I took a shower this morning, and I'm not covered in grease or anything..!!"

"It's that smokey smell that's always lingering around you. Y'know, because you like to smoke every now and then.."

"Huhh?!? What're you saying!!"

"Don't tell me you don't reek of cigarettes Shin. It's blatantly obvious, I can probably even smell you from a mile away like this."

"WHAT?!? WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THIS EARLIER???"

"Because I didn't want you to make you self-conscious, stupid! Besides, it's not like I can force you to stop smoking or anything.."

childhood friend! Shinichiro who slowly stops smoking as much as he used to, especially around you so that you wouldn't be disturbed by his smell and stay close to him

"Huh?"

"What is it?"

"Eh... it's nothing important."

"Oh come on, you clearly have something to say. Cat got your tongue or something? Taken aback by my good looks?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever you say. You just... smell different, that's all."

"Is smell all you care about? What are you, a dog?"

"Fuck you."

"Yes please."

"Wha-?!?!"

"I'm joking." (He wasn't really)

"And I probably smell good because I put on this new cologne I got."

"Pfft, to mask off the fact that you're a smoke addict?"

"Hey! Might I inform you that I haven't picked up a cigarette for the past two weeks now."

"Really? Wow, I'm surprised. What made you stop?"

"You. Well, more precisely, you avoiding to get close to me because I stink."

"...?!?" (You were speechless and flustered)

childhood friend! Shinichiro who gets jealous upset when his friends flirt with you right in front of his face, not knowing that they're doing this to get him riled up enough and grow balls to finally confess to you

T: "Say, [name], you got a boyfriend or anything?"

"..?!?! Wha- Why're you asking her that-"

T: "What? Can't a man be curious? Besides, no boyfriend would be pleased if their girlfriend is hanging out with her 'guy' friend and his siblings 24/7."

"Very funny Take-chan. If that's your logic, then I believe you already have your answer."

B: "That's suprising. I was sure a pretty girl like you would have many guys chasing for you."

"...! I'm flattered, Keizo-kun. But I doubt that's the case, haha."

"Oi, you guys, stop bugging her like this..."

T: "Ya'know, I'm pretty sure most girls like strong guys, right? Shin's pretty weak to stay by your side."

"Oi-"

T: "But, he makes it up with his charm and caring side, so I guess you have it good [name]."

W: "Well, that's Shin-chan for ya, so you don't have to worry about him not treating you right, [name]. But if he doesn't, you cant count on us to beat him up for you."

"I.... wow, okay...?"

"?!? Oi, you guys!!? Now you're scaring me!!"

childhood friend! Shinichiro who confronts you one day, telling you all about how his friends and family keep on teasing him about how you and him should date and how he also really liked the idea of that

"Hahaha! Really? Manjiro did that?? I can't believe I missed that!"

"It's painful y'know! Can't believe he's only 12 years old and pulling off roundhouse kicks like that. And to my face too!"

"Well, what'd you do this time?"

"Wha-?!? I can't believe you're so quick to take his side. Both you and Emma."

"What can I say? Both him and Emma are my favourite Sanos after all."

"Gasp After all these years, you're choosing them over me?!? I'm disappointed, [name]. I thought you knew better 😔"

"Cry about it then."

"Mean..."

"But he must have a reason for doing that to you though, right?"

"I mean... it's kind of stupid, really."

"Oh? Do tell whatever the reason for the 'invincible Mikey' to roundhouse kick you. And for Emma to take his side on the matter."

"Ah... they're just mad that I apparently haven't made you my girlfriend yet."

"Huh??"

"I know, stupid, isn't it? They both have been bugging me about this for years now, claiming that they 'want you to be their actual sister'. What's worse is that gramps has the same sentiment as them too."

"Seriously? Sano-sensei as well?"

"Yup. He says he doesn't mind having you as his "granddaughter-in-law" and that you're the only person I ever truly listen to. Bullshit by the way."

"Is it it really though?"

"That's not the point. Hell, even the guys are teasing me for not making it official with you yet. Bugging me about it whenever we hangout, saying that if I don't act soon, they'll steal you away from me."

"I-.... wow... I guess that explains what happened the last time we hung out."

"Yeah, sorry if their words bothered you."

"No, no it's fine. But I'm just wondering... what do you think about all this?"

"Huh?"

"Like.... with everyone bugging you, and well me about this, what are your thoughts on us dating?"

"...?!?... I guess.... I don't mind that..."

"Really? I'm glad then."

"Huh? What do you mean."

"I guess I don't mind us dating as well."

".....Wait..., so are you saying I can be your boyfriend?!?! Really?!?"

"Yes! I'm saying you can be my boyfriend, and I can be your girlfriend, idiot."

"I'm actually so happy right now I could literally kiss you."

"Then do it, Shin. Who's gonna stop you?"

a/n: i love him so much oml, thinking about writing longer fics about some of these scenarios

m.list

[icaruspendragon]

one time I was kayaking with some friends and we came around a bend that had a little beach. the bank held a few families with little kids. all of whom were having a grand time doing river beach in bumfuck, tennessee activities.

as we were out in nature, there happened to be a little snake guy swimming through the water, just minding his business doing river snake in bumfuck, tennessee things.

upon spotting the little snake guy, one of the adults calls the kids back to shore. not an unexpected move as there are several venomous snakes to watch out for in the south–namely copperheads, rattle snakes, and cottonmouths. cottonmouths are also referred to as water moccasins, a moniker earned as they are frequently found in/near bodies of water. most children in the south are taught which snakes to avoid pretty early on. and so understandably the snake warning makes the kids scared. my "brother" skylar was the closest to our slithery little guy. he calls out to the bank that the snake is harmless.

now. as a kid who grew up in bumfuck, alabama watching animal planet I've always loved little creatures.

my summers were spent exploring creeks and swamps looking for crawdads and little fishies and lizards and turtles and snakes and pollywogs and salamanders and frogs.

did this love for little creatures cause an inadvertent introduction of an invasive species? yes. but sometimes childhood curiosity causes whoopsie-doodles.

my love for little creatures never went away. I was curious, not afraid. and as fortune favors the bold, the snake swam my way. once the little creature was close enough, I gently lifted it from the water with my paddle so I could get a better look.

it looked like a snake.

my friend slid off and back into the water, swimming closer to me, under my kayak, then popping up on the other side. now that it was near enough, that childhood curiosity came back in full force. I did what I thought anyone in my situation would do.

I gave my snaky friend a couple of light strokes on the tail as he swam away.

once we were a ways around the bumfuck, tennessee river beach, skylar turns to me and furiously whisper-shouts, "why the fuck did you touch that thing?" confused by his ire I say, "because you said it was harmless?"

he gives me a look that can only be described as incredulous before speaking again, "yeah dumbass. I was lying because I didn't want those kids to freak out. the adults knew what kind of snake it was."

brow furrowed, I demand, "then why the fuck did you let me touch it?"

that's when my husband, who previously hadn't been listening to our conversation asks, "wait? did you really touch it?"

I give him a Look. "of course I did, that shouldn't be surprising."

our party stops paddling, all eyes are now on me.

"you touching a snake isn't the issue. the issue is you touching a water moccasin."

it's my turn to be incredulous. "how the fuck was I supposed to know that? skylar said it was harmless, so of course I touched it!"

"all skylar does is lie to fuck around around with people, something you most definitely know."

skylar chimes in once more, "to be fair to myself, I thought she knew I was lying."

obviously I did not.

anyway. the moral of this story is to not let your childlike wonder in the world around you die so that you may forevermore go on curiosity quests.

also maybe don't trust your "brother" when it comes to venomous wildlife.

[bones4thecats]

Housewardens x Younger Sibling! Reader

A/N: Sorry that this took so long to write, but I do hops this ended up very good!!

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❤️ Riddle grew up with a over-controlling mother, so it's safe, or rather, unsafe to say you also grew up with your mother's rage being quite literally directed at you two.

❤️ His angry issues were quite an interesting match when it came to you being around. If you were to also have a few anger issues, when you two were bickering, as siblings normally do, every single Heartslabyul member would steer clear of you, knowing if Riddle's rage is scary, lord knows how two would be.

❤️ Now, he may be a pain in your ass when it comes to handling the rules, but Riddle does have a sweet side, and your one of the small amount of people who have got to seen this.

❤️ While yes, Riddle may seem like someone who would let you get away with anything, like breaking the rules for example, he's just as strict on you as he is with Ace and Deuce. But after his overblot incident, he was more lenient with you and the others.

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🦁 You two were the oddballs of the Kingscholar family growing up. Being overshadowed by Falena wasn't easy, and watching your other brother, Leona, just descent into this arrogant and prideful shell of what he used to be.

🦁 Leona may be lazy and seems like he would be a terrible older brother, this beastman does care for his family, and while many don't see it, as he never allows his true emotions to surface, instead hiding them behind a rough exterior, he does show you a soft side once and a while.

🦁 If you shared his sleepiness and therefore ability to sleep nearly anywhere, he'd have you skip classes (if you went to NRC) with him and rest in the botanical garden.

🦁 This guy's overblot did effect you in a few ways, and if he did harm you by accident during the magical issue, he immediately rushed to assist you, even if he was injured himself, you were his younger sibling, and he always put you first, at certain times.

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🐙 The head of Mostro Lounge is seen to care for his family, at some degrees. So it wouldn't be surprising of you guys were very close to one another.

🐙 Azul and you have been by each others sides ever since you came into the world. He valued you more than anything else in the world, because you understood him, far more than anyone ever could.

🐙 You had been there for him growing up, which means you would defend him from bullies, and you were there the first day he met the Tweels, who you were close friends with.

🐙 If you attended NRC alongside him, you guys were rarely ever seen without the other far away, or having one of the twins with you.

🐙 He may get busy with handling his dorm and on-campus cafe, but believe me when I say this, he cares about you and would do anything, and I mean anything to ensure you happiness and your comfort. You were his little sibling, and he wanted you to feel happy.

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☀️ As one of the many Al-Asim kids, you were held in high regard compared to other children. But nobody could compare to the height of Kalim's pedestal for you.

☀️ This little ball of sunshine adored you so much growing up, you two weren't far in age growing up, since you also shared having many younger siblings. He loved you so much that he was with you near constantly.

☀️ Because of your closeness, you met everyone that he met, including Jamil, whom you were fairly close with, almost as close as Kalim! But while it may all seemed like sunshine and rainbows, Kalim was very sought-out for money, so you were as well, albeit possibly more.

☀️ He may seem very happy-go-lucky, but Kalim does have a line drawn in the sand, and that line starts right before potential harm to those he cares for. So when anybody tries to hurt you, Kalim and Jamil normally appear and begin to scare the shit out of the person who tried harming you.

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👑 You're a slay. Period.

👑 Vil and you were raised in the spotlight because of your father's profession, and as Schoenheits, you were expected to be beautiful and very regal, which, of course, you were.

👑 If Vil learned it, you learned it. Whether it was poison making, magic styles, or really anything else, you were at the same level as him, because he didn't like leaving you behind.

👑 He may be quite vain at times, but with you, it all goes away. You've seen him at his worsts, and because of this, he wasn't afraid of you seeing him break down, getting mad, you get the gist.

👑 If you attended NRC, you both would be the most beautiful siblings to exist there, gaining the nickname 'The Fairest Siblings', obviously after Rook (once deciphered from French)

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🎮 *Insert war flashbacks*

🎮 Idia has a hard time connecting with anyone outside of his family and fellow gamers. But it got even harder after the 'incident' with Ortho years back.

🎮 You and him were close when it came to certain things. Like you two shared your love for technology, and even worked on building Ortho's mechanical form, along with the physiological side of his new form.

🎮 After his overblot incident, you two did grow closer, now with your younger brother alongside your once again. And when you guys were on the Isle of Woe watching over S.T.Y.X., you proved to calm him down in the more anxiety-inducing parts.

🎮 He's quite emotionally delicate at times, which can prove difficult when you and Ortho want him to do something with you. Idia tries to be there for you in every situation, but you gotta remember, baby steps.

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🐉 This one is by far the most interesting to write.

🐉 Malleus was isolated his whole life, so he didn't get to experience anything important throughout the world and Briar Valley. And because of this, you were also isolated alongside your older brother.

🐉 He is hailed as one of the most powerful mages throughout all of Twisted Wonderland, so it wouldn't be surprising if you were to make it into NRC with him.

🐉 This heir is quite protective of you, like any brother and dragon would be of family. But he doesn't nearly come close to isolating you or putting you into a tower along to keep you safe and with him as many may think.

🐉 Malleus does enjoy quite a lot of things, like studying gargoyles. Because of his interests, you joined him in the club, and learn about each piece of artwork throughout the building known as Night Raven College.

🐉 Lilia teases you guys a lot, saying you were the scariest yet sweetest siblings he's ever seen throughout hid lifetime. Your brother only chuckles and pardons your shared guardian, saying that you may seen sweet but looks can be decieving.

🐉 Btw, Malleus is extremely protective, and with your shared surname, whoever tries harming you, gets immediate treatment of a war criminal

[nthspecialll]

Rockstar's realism slip

Red Dead Redemption is known for being extremely realistic and historically accurate in every aspect from characters, environment, speech and so on which is also why it is loved by so many, however there is one place where they have messed up quite massively and it is in one of the most well loved characters.

Sadie Adler.

Sadie Adler is loved for being a badass independent woman in a man's world doing her own thing after her life was ruined over and over, a trope loved by many and thus excused for being not so well executed and unrealistic.

While women could absolutely make a living as outlaws in the Wild West the Sadie kind was not seen often, instead, we often saw the badass woman leaning into femininity such as Karen or Black Belle.

Real life examples of women outlaws are Pearl Hart who robbed stagecoaches and stole worth 16.226,21 (modern) dollars from a single one and lefr each passenger with one (past) dollars so they could afford food. Belle Starr (inspiref Black Belle) who was known for helping outlaws by hiding them on her farm and later robbing horses, getting known for the quote "next to a fine gun, I love a fine horse." Etta Place who ran with Butch Cassidy, whom Dutch is based on, and is essentially the real life Bessie.

These women leaned into their feminity, even if it wasn't always, but the culture during that time did not allow for people like Sadie, even Arthur takes stabs at her while completely accepting Karen. Another major thing is the background, there is a massive difference between Sadie shooting warning shots at wolves on her farm with zero animals and jumping trains.

The idea of Sadie is great and implausible, even if possible, but the execution is poor, you don't suddenly gain those skills.

But now let's talk about 1907 where she could have had the time to gain these skills, we meet another problem, there were zero female bounty hunters, nish.

"But she could be the first!" Yeah, it isn't impossible, but it is implausible considering culture and a poor choice on Rockstars side considering that there were many badass women at the time living law abiding in ways Sadie could easily have been able to.

Stagecoach Mary was a stagecoach guard, an absolute badass killing or arresting anyone getting near the goods she protected.

Annie Oakley, a sharpshooter, known for shooting ciggerets out her husband's mouth and even the prince of France's mouth!

Calamity Jane, another sharpshooter and frontierwoman who ended up in show-biz because of her masculine attire, it simply wasn't seen that often. (That said she still sometimes wore dresses)

And the thing is, she does talk about working with transport, saying she is considering it, and that she would have been able to, just like Mary, so why Rockstar didn't do that in the beginning is weird to me.

And now to the big slip up that Rockstar made that cannot be defied. She talks about starting her own business, sorry love, you can't, because women couldn't make one before 1980 or so without a man's signature.

I love Sadie, she is great and the idea of her character is great too, but the execution is poor and that is generally why I prefer Karen over her and I wish she had been a bit different and drawn more off real life women.

Belle Starr (Inspired Black Belle)

Pearl Hart

Annie Oatley

Stagecoach Mary

[kerubimcrepin]

Wakfu Manga - Tome 2, Part 1

Even the manga calls them friends!! He is impressed by their bravery and exploits, and it IS natural that he should join forces with them, at least to understand Jiva's strange behaviour.

Personally, I just think he wanted to go on an adventure with Yugo, Amalia, and Eva, but needs to justify it to himself in some more professional and cold way.

Standing there so cutely...

[casually sits on a rock in a cool pose and doesn't talk to anyone or socialize, just staring awkwardly, like a true warrior with 0 social anxiety issues.]

He's so funny, I can't do this anymore.

Show-off.

Casts a sidelong Judgemental Gaze about their landing.

Lands perfectly, just like a cat. Catboy.

Sorry to keep screenshotting panels where he says Nothing, but the longer he does that, the more awkward it gets. Truly, he is a king of socialization.

Of course Joris would be interested in steam engines... It's cute to see him be excited.

Joris puts his hands in his pockets. We now know that his pants actually have pockets + that Joris puts his hands in those to strike a casual — yet still cool looking — pose. You're welcome.

Very Kerubim-core pose of him to do.

Firstly, this is a very good drawing. Secondly, Joris is very serious about travel preparations. Thirdly, he and Eva once again show themselves to be the two sane people of their respective groups.

Besides that, he addresses the multiple elephants in the room: it's bad that a person who is already close to a god even more power, and she might not keep her promise, and even if they use the dofuses against her, they are still probably toast.

Basically, Joris's outlook is one of very realistic pessimism.

Amalia asks him before anyone else. She really looks up to him :)

I'm sorry for being unable to stop screenshotting him. The art of this manga is wonderful. I also love the very cautious way he approaches this interaction. fsjfgsdfa.

Of course he wants to take care of the equipment.

[casually leaves with the group while not looking at anyone and trying to walk as far away from others as he can]

I;'m insane.,

An interesting note: Joris did not walk together with Ruel, Yugo, Adamai, and Pinpin to try his hand at taming the shushu — but he is also not present anywhere near Amalia or Eva. Now me pointing out that he was walking a bit away from everyone seems a bit more poignant.

This guy left them all to quietly go cook some food.

VERY big page for Joris fans. He seems to have been making well-done dragoturkey and soup. While wearing a cute apron. (I really don't think he expected anyone to walk in on him... jgkdsfg. Judging by the size, it's something he brought with him from home.)

This confirms that: Joris likes meat well-done, Joris wears aprons, Joris likes cute aprons, and Joris is used to spats with shushus that control environments and furniture and attempted to use that skill here.

VERY big for me, as a fan of the friendship between Joris and Amalia&Eva. The way they giggle at his misfortune, and the way he doesn't take it to heart... sfgjsdf

This is why I really like the manga, as a fan of Joris. There's a very friendly and domestic side to him shown here.

The way he just Copes and sets the burnt dragoturkey on the table anyway is so funny... He's very nervous about time, and planning, and he is willing to eat something very bad for that reason.

Also! He is helping the girls with their task, instead of trying his hands at taming the shushu — and he was doing this without telling anybody. I'm assuming it's a mixture of him being a friend to Eva and Amalia, of being used to cook for his family (he and Keke both do, but I think Joris does it more often), and just plain not wanting two people to do the job that would be more efficient with three.

Besides that, I just think it doesn't sit right with Joris, for two women (one of whom is pregnant) to do all the cooking.

He is so, so responsible. Also, "a little worried" and "we need to plan for Every Contingency" is a funny combo of words.

Once again, readers, he is "a little worried."

Also, hngnhn. He cares about Yugo's feelings a lot — and he trusts Eva and Amalia enough to say this to them.

Aww, Adamai's "hungryyyy..." is so cute. I'm assuming Joris fretting with the stove is probably him trying to clean it a little after it burned the food.

Joris once again being responsible and asking questions about things immediately.

Joris is the only one not eating or drinking, and while it is relaistic to think he might have eaten before anyone came, I think it's more in character to think that his reasoning is "DO NOT EAT. WE CAN'T LET PEOPLE KNOW YOU HAVE HUMAN NEEDS AND WEAKNESSES."

I'm trying so hard to come up with commentary to justify including so many images of him, but I am sad to say, the way he's drawn in this artstyle is far too cute. Just far too cute...

Notably, Joris is the only one who wasn't under the impression that Eva would be staying behind! (BASED, BASED, BASED BASED, B—-)

[tanoraqui]

the thing is... JK Rowling did write the books. She certainly did write the books, which was the pivotal first step.

However, here is an incomplete list of people who meant more to my experience of reading and enjoying the Harry Potter books than JKR ever did:

My grandmother, who read them because she loved to read and because she wanted to understand what the hell her granddaughter - whom she'd recently moved 3,000 in part to live near - spent 90% of her time talking about; who passed away this past fall.

My other grandmother, who read them for more or less the same reason except without the cross-country move; who passed away in 2014. It was in her honor that I bought the current set of books I own.

The uncle-shaped family friend who always listened to me expound on my latest theories for the next book, and told me his own like an equal in intellectual debate

That one writer on Mugglenet's fanfiction archive who wrote a crack soap opera fic in which Professor McGonagall got pregnant from Crookshanks, and the children were cat-human hybrids whom they called "kiddens." That haunts me to this day.

Honestly, collectively every single person who wrote content, be it recordkeeping, fic, or analysis, for MuggleNet circa 2005-2008. Some people spent their internet-childhoods on Neopets or Club Penguin; I read every single page on MuggleNet.com.

The summer camp counselor who'd read HBP when I hadn't yet, and who responded to my positively tsundere attitude toward spoilers by telling me straight-faced that Harry started dating Luna [not Ginny]. A) The fucking audacity! she lied right to my annoying 10yo face! B) I got to experience the giddiness of finding out what happened twice, once then and again later when I read the book! Thank you, Natalie(?) from Y-Camp!

The two friends with whom I went to the DH midnight release party at my local secondhand bookstore, in closet cosplay. We were all in the first 5 people to get our books, and we promptly started reading them while standing outside the bookstore, in the light coming through the front window. 1 of them was parentally required to go to bed but the other and I stayed up all night reading, until we finished the books sometime mid-morning.

My dad, specifically when he (still) tells the story of having to make a "walk of shame" (his words) back to the bookstore the next afternoon, to ask if they had the broom we'd accidentally left behind.

The tourists from America, England, France and China who were all waiting in line at the Platform 9 3/4 overpriced photo op in King's Cross Station the same time I was, in the summer of 2013, which unironically made me feel more spiritually connected with humanity as a whole than possibly any other experience in my life. Like, this is embarrassing. It's a pure tourist trap. Yet people from LITERALLY all around the world had all made the same journey I had to be there, just because we all loved the same books. and that's...really special.

...you know? So, JKR is doing real harm to the trans community now, and will continue to do more and maybe even worse in the future; and I am so, so sympathetic and angry about that. I have no intention of giving her money or any other support ever again, nor of encouraging anyone else to do so.

But all her present vitriol is only drops in the lake of my warm memories. I don't let them give me a falsely rosy view of her, but nor will I let her poison them. And I encourage others to let themselves find the same balance, if they can.

[cirr0stratus]

thinking about frodo and sam and how their characters are near identical to stanislaus katzinsky and paul baumer and how they are both fictional men of different statuses that were created during the horrors of world war one by two people who used their incredible poetic voices to cope with the realities of warfare and how the relationship that these characters have transcends friendship and brotherhood and even romantic love because what they have is so much more important than that, it’s so much more. how there isn’t a word for the relationship that they have, and people like me are stuck thinking about these quotes and being completely normal about them

“We sit opposite one another, Kat and I, two soldiers in shabby coats, cooking a goose in the middle of the night. We don't talk much, but I believe we have a more complete communion with one another than even lovers have.

We are two men, two minute sparks of life; outside is the night and the circle of death. We sit on the edge of it crouching in danger, the grease drips from our hands, in our hearts we are close to one another, and the hour is like the room: flecked over with the lights and shadows of our feelings cast by a quiet fire. What does he know of me or I of him? formerly we should not have had a single thought in common – now we sit with a goose between us and feel in unison, are so intimate that we do not even speak.”

“you lay close to me. I'd be dearly glad to see you have a sleep. Id keep watch over you; and anyway, if you lay near, with my arm round you, no one could come pawing you without your Sam knowing it.”

“A little soldier and a clear voice, and if anyone were to caress him he would hardly understand, this soldier with the big boots and the shut heart, who marches because he is wearing big boots, and has forgotten all else but marching. Beyond the sky-line is a country with flowers, lying so still that he would like to weep. There are sights there that he has not forgotten, because he never possessed them – perplexing, yet lost to him. Are not his twenty summers there?

Is my face wet, and where am I? Kat stands before me, his gigantic, stooping shadow falls upon me, like home. He speaks gently, he smiles and goes back to the fire.

Then he says: "It's done."”

“Frodo's face was peaceful, the marks of fear and care had left it; but it looked old, old and beautiful, as if the chiselling of the shaping years was now revealed in many fine lines that had before been hidden, though the identity of the face was not changed. Not that Sam Gamgee put it that way to himself. He shook his head, as if finding words useless, and murmured: 'I love him. He's like that, and sometimes it shines through, somehow. But I love him, whether or no”

“Kat my friend, Kat with the drooping shoulders and the poor, thin moustache, Kat, whom I know as I know no other man, Kat with whom I have shared these years���it is impossible that perhaps I shall not see Kat again”

“'If you don't come back, sir, then I shan't, that's certain,' said Sam. 'Don't you leave him! they said to me. Leave him! I said. I never mean to. I am going with him, if he climbs to the Moon; and if any of those Black Riders try to stop him, they'll have Sam Gamgee to reckon with,”

[namelessweapons]

On Religion, Fictionkin, and the importance of 'Gatekeeping'

Long post. Under a cut. Herein when I say 'We' I mean the nebulous idea of a community, I will be using 'I' in this for us, for clarity.

I will be redacting the names of any people or events mentioned herein in passing. This is not a jab, a "Callout", or a focus on one person, event, situation, or otherwise, anything mentioned in passing as examples are just that, examples, and if you recognize any of the people, places, things, or events mentioned herein, you are invited to not name them, they are not individually important.

My last disclaimer is that this is an Essay, not a Debate, I will not be 'Engaging' anyone about it who disagrees. I will not be 'engaging' anyone about it who agrees either. Equality.

I state herein that I will be dropping the term 'Fictionkin', as it's been completely aided to ruin by people who aren't even Fictionkin, and that I place a new word down that I will be using, I will make another post just about this word as well, but do know I do that in this essay.

EDIT: Yes this is okay to reblog! No worries

When I say 'Spirit Animal' what do you think?

Your knee jerk reaction if you don't know me was probably to recoil, it's a term that's been appropriated to the point of near uselessness in conversations with people who aren't indigenous. My father is native, or rather, he's half native and half Salvadoran. But he has closer ties to his native roots, for this reason, I spent a lot of time with my indigenous nation on the reservation parts of my family lived on, and I've never been to El Salvador once.

Your next thought may be wondering why I don't drop what nation I'm from, it's because it's really easy to doxx people with that information, so I will not be doing so, it's not super important anyway, the only important part is that my people have a concept that has been appropriated into this nebulous concept of 'Spirit Animal', it's now a fundamentally useless word to me, and many other indigenous people as well, because people who don't believe the same things we do took a concept, and a word, and gave it their own meaning, and ran with it.

This post isn't about being native, and it's not about spirit animals, but it is about the idea of taking concepts and, more importantly, words that already exist and are attached to a belief system, and re-appropriating them into other meanings.

Where is this going? I'm getting there.

I've been out as 'Otherkin', specifically 'Deitykin' for around sixteen years now, and out as 'Fictionkin' for a large chunk of that. Before I continue I'd like to say that being Fictionkin is not 'A Delusion', it is not a medical condition, believe me I've seen therapists and psychologists, it's a keystone of my religious identity and spirituality, once upon a time I probably wouldn't have had to clarify that to my own community.

You see, it used to be that when you said you were 'Fictionkin' it mainly meant one of two things, either it was a religious belief, or you had caught on to the part of tumblr who began using it to mean 'I just really love and identify with this character, teehee!', and when that started happening, people for whom this was a religious belief, a deep an important part of their identity, pushed back, and said 'hey, we were here first, this is our religion, can you maybe get a new word for your roleplay?'

And that was the correct response, it is not only rude, but morally reprehensible to take something from people as important as a deeply set religious belief, and to say 'no, actually, you have to let us use it for this totally unrelated thing, that will make people assume the completely wrong thing of you'

It's this sort of colonizer mindset, this is why I started this off talking about the fact that I'm indigenous by the way, because I knew I was going to use this word as a comparison and I wanted people to know where I was coming from in regards to my relationship with it. But it is a very similar mindset, it's the mindset of 'I am going to use this, and you have to share, and if you aren't okay with that, you're an icky gatekeeper and the onus is on you to move'

No, it isn't, the onus is not on me, or anyone else for who this is a fundamental religious belief to 'move'.

Back then we were pretty good about setting boundaries, when someone would say 'I choose to identify as this character' or 'I just identify deeply with this character' the community was pretty good at standing its ground and going, no, that's not correct, there's no issue with that, but you need to get your own word, because this word exists, and we as a religious community are using it.

However I was recently made aware of the fact that apparently, somewhere along the way, some people decided that it was playground bullying to not allow people to appropriate spiritual beliefs and religion, now I'm not sure exactly when that started, I logged off the internet for a while to focus on my religion off the internet and also to deal with a fire and being homeless.

When I came back I still wasn't aware of it right away, in fact I wasn't aware of it until my spouse, who lives in the same home as me, attended an event and got to watch someone use the term 'Fictionkin' incorrectly.

Now I did not choose to attend this event, I work a very busy job, I also wasn't aware there was a discord for it or I may have joined to people-watch, but in the end knew it wouldn't matter, because my spouse and I live together, and I can community watch over their shoulder should I desire to.

Back to the situation, someone used the term 'Fictionkin' incorrectly, or rather they used a term other than 'Fictionkin' and attached the meaning that already existed of the word 'Fictionkin' to it, because at some point when I wasn't looking, Fictionkin were pushed out of their own words and their own spaces in favor of this new meaning, which seems to range from anything from;

'I have medical delusions about being this character' 'I choose to ID as this character' 'I just identify very closely with this character'

to a myriad of other things. I'll circle back to this, the point is I was completely taken aback when I saw the people in charge of the group wrist slap not the person who was using the wrong definition and implying by extension that everyone using 'Fictionkin' was delusional, or choosing their identity, or similar, but the Fictionkin who were attempting to protect their words from being appropriated.

This is, to me, morally disgusting. I find it fundamentally abhorrent, and I recognized something in it, that tiny sliver of a moment where I was like, oh, this is exactly like how white people took things from my culture and ran with them to the point where they're fundamentally useless outside of spaces that have been carefully screened to only include the original users, because outside of that everyone will make wild assumptions. I get the same roiling feeling in my gut when someone goes 'Oh, fictionkin, like the people who have delusions!/Really like a character!' as I do when Britteneigh who works at Holister overhears me speaking about [REDACTED] and goes 'Oh my goshh you're talking about spirit animals! my spirit animal is-'

Before anyone gets into a huff, no, I am not 1:1 comparing being fictionkin to the oppression my people have faced, so take your hands off the keyboard, because I wouldn't have replied to your lack of reading comprehension anyway to be frank. One situation reminding me of another does not mean I am 1:1'ing the situations and the fact I have to explain this here before it even happens says a lot about my faith in tumblr's reading comprehension. I know.

Back to my essay, the feeling was very similar, this was a word I had used for a long time, a word I was around for when it was created, and a word I had watched be kept very carefully so as not to be watered down, so that an already small and spread out community would have a way of discussing our experiences, feelings, and needs, without becoming scattered, lost, and lonely.

Because that really is the point of having specific religious denominations, my father was a hobbyist theologist, I grew up with bookshelves popping up around me filled top to bottom with religious texts. There are Christian denominations you can't even get to share a room because their root beliefs are so different, so they have different words. Imagine for a moment that an 18 year old walks into your catholic church -- you're catholic in this scenario -- and tells you, someone who has been catholic since you yourself were a child, the following:

"I think your delusional dependence on the saints is really quirky and cute, I've been in touch with God himself for two years now, but you're cool too"

You would probably not be entirely happy, and I think most people would understand why. It's more complex than that of course, ironically I'm watering down a theological belief to make a point about not watering down theological beliefs, I can be a hypocrite, as a treat.

Allow me to loop back to my original point. I came back, feeling lonely and eager to re-engage with my religious community now that my life was more stable, only to find that at some point my religion had been bulldozed over in the name of (misguided, I'll get to that) "Inclusion". I had been, have been, left Spiritually Homeless so to speak, never knowing if a place I popped my head into would be for people like me, or for people so fundamentally different from me that we effectively have nothing in common.

I don't have anything against people with delusions, I have non-religious delusions when my OCD peaks. I don't have an issue with people who relate very closely with fictional characters. I don't even really have an issue with people who 'choose' to identify as a character other than the core idea of this essay. I don't mind sharing casual non kin or non religious spaces with these people, why would I?

I would say 'after all, they aren't hurting me'

Except like, here's the thing.

They Are.

I came back to what I considered my home, my religious community, and I found that while I had been gone, I and people like me had been forcibly removed from the spaces we had made, pushed out overwhelmingly by either people who had either appropriated our word outright, or worse still, by people who aren't fictionkin, have no right to speak on fictionkin (much less the words we use or how we defend our religious institutions), and who have bullied us out of our spaces on this unacceptable, fundamentally selfish, colonizer-minded idea of 'Not Gatekeeping', of 'Radical Inclusivity'.

They are hurting me by depriving me of spaces where I am comfortable, understood, don't need to constantly re-iterate my religion, and they are hurting me by depriving me of a word that historically has been the only real word to get into contact with the few other people I share a religion with, and by telling people I have a disorder that I do not have, as again, I do not have religious delusions, I simply partake in a niche religion. There is nothing wrong with having delusions, there is something wrong with force-diagnosing me by proxy.

And guess what. Sometimes things just aren't for everyone. Sometimes things just aren't for you. And you have to be okay with that. Or if you aren't okay with it, you're going to have to deal with it, because it's just the way things are.

Now, since I know someone is going to get into it, what I'm talking about here has nothing to do with the queer definition of Radical Inclusivity, not relevant, not related, not a religion, not the same, do not bother bringing it up.

When I say, 'I am Fictionkin', I want people to know right away two things.

I am a fictional character (or rather, I resemble a fictional character and can be considered a nonfictional version of them for all major purposes)

For spiritual reasons, this is a religion for me.

I do not want, at any point, for any reason, anyone to have to ask or wonder, if this is a self ID thing, a medical thing, a love of the media thing, I fucking hate half my media, shining resonance refrain is dogshit and here's why-

Different essay. Sorry.

This is getting quite long, so I will now turn around and backtrack to my original point.

Thanks to a lack of gatekeeping, partially from the community itself, and overwhelmingly by people who paint themselves as having authority who aren't even Fictionkin forcing Fictionkin out of their spaces to make way for unrelated people, the word no longer has meaning, and despite being there when it first began being used, it is no longer a label that fits or that I am comfortable with.

For this reason, I will be hereby using the term Fictotheism, Fictotheist, Fictotheological.

{Use: I practice Fictotheism, I am a Fictotheist, I am Fictotheological}

My fictionkin status is religious, it is spiritual, I will be using this word because that point is baked in, it will be difficult to appropriate by anyone else, I have created this word to be like a bra; it should feel uncomfortable to use for anyone whom it does not fit.

I do not care if other people use it, in fact, if it does fit you, please do. I am not demanding anyone use it, it was created for me, and for me alone, as someone who was pushed out of my original community, it is too late I believe to reclaim Fictionkin, which is unfortunate.

My hope is that a new word will primarily give people a clear immediate idea of what I am, and that if for some reason others should begin using it, that it will create a community that is once again not only in-contact, but at less risk of being pushed out of our own community.

My only request to anyone who uses it, is that you gatekeep it. I am not only asking you to gatekeep it. I am telling you to. It must be in order to keep the definition intact. 'I identify as a character perceived as fictional for religious reasons', this is the definition, there are no other definitions, so sayeth the lord. This is a joke by the way, I'm not that pompous.

Not the demand to gatekeep this word however, that was genuine.

In closing, the word Fictionkin has been stolen from the people who originally used it, and I think that's quite frankly disgusting, but there is no fixing it now, the only way we could have fixed it was to gatekeep it when we first started being pushed out. Regardless of which word picks up traction next, I hope that this time we, as a community, can come together to keep people; especially people who aren't even fictionkin, from forcing us out of our own churches.

I will end on this note, partially for humor, and partially to nip this in the bud.

Spouse: 'People will definitely try to force you to use Fictionkind or say it already exists for this reason (despite it also being watered down)'

Me: Good, they can get fucked, this is my word for me baybee!!

[sassysnakedemon]

I've been thinking (I know, that's dangerous)

So, I last posted about being weird about the news about GO3, and drinking whiskey with fly shit in it. Well, now I've been drinking whiskey without fly shit in it, and I have new thoughts.

Mostly these - it doesn't really matter what they do with GO3. It doesn't really even matter if we get a GO3. Because the planet is burning, and there's an American election on the horizon that has the potential to change the entire world. GO3 seems small in that comparison. Maybe that's the whiskey talking, but there it is.

I have a sinking suspicion that the Orange Menace is going to win. My friends are taking odds on it, but the main consensus is that he will win. And then enact (or try to) a dictatorship in America. America, who was the first enactor of Democracy. This will reverberate throughout other Democratic nations. There are several of them that are starting to be fascist leaning. My own (Canada) included. Yes, I said Canada. Canada is starting to lean so far right that fascism isn't out of reach. I live in fear. And in poverty, as, while inflation in the US is ridiculous, it is damaging to human life in my country.

I'll give an example. I make roughly 30k per year. My husband makes roughly 60k per year. My mother, who lives in the same house makes roughly 30k per year. Our house has recently been valued (and it used to be valued at about 300K) at 1.5 MILLION. Our combined incomes could not even get us 10% down on a mortgage on the home WE LIVE IN. Thank Somebody that we already own it, or we for sure could NOT afford it now. And yes, I absolutely recognize the privilege that we already owned this property at the earlier value. Thank Somebody for generational 'wealth'. I say that in quotes, because we're nowhere near wealthy, and yet, so much better off than others.

I personally know people who cannot afford to live on CANADA's minimum wage (which is a slightly respectable 17.30 per hour), one of whom is living in my house (despite her making almost 25 per hour), and I cannot fathom how anyone is expected to live on the US's 7.25 per hour. That was the minimum wage when I last worked in the US - almost 20 years ago. And it wasn't enough then. I now make almost 40 an hour (as a business owner, no less), and it still isn't enough. Not enough to get ahead. I maintain, at best. That's where we are up here in Canada. 40 per hour doesn't get you shit all. So, what does that say about 17.30 per hour? Or, even worse, 7.25 per hour (which by CAD today is 10.05)?

So let's go back to the Orange Menace trying to enact a fascist dictatorship in America - it's possible. He will try to undermine the Constitution at every turn. Because it doesn't sit well with his narcissism. And yes, Generals of the military are willing to put a stop to him going against Constitutional order. But are their underlings in the military willing to do the same? Because if not, friendly fire is a thing. And I know there are many Trump supporters within the military. So that sits us with a Civil War in America. Again. But now, the 'New Improved Civil War, this time with NUKES!' Do you want that? I admit, it makes for excellent entertainment value, but it has far reaching consequences. Consequences that affect far more than just the US. We're talking all Democratic nations, as well as all Enemies of the State. Not to mention that the US will be dealing with a Civil War at the same time.

This sounds like Hell to me. And if it is to be, then I don't want to be here for it.

I have fought intrusive thoughts for so long. I have fought them with the belief that things would get better. They are getting worse. America is set to become Gilead, Canada is set to follow suit, Democracy is set to fall, and if that all happens, then I'll say a cheery 'Bye', and take myself out of it.

So after thinking all of that, what a few people do for a show I very admittedly love, seems small. The world is burning. I am burning with it. I am angry, desperate, willful, but in this moment, defeated.

I am so sorry for this whiskey-soaked rant. But at the same time, not so sorry. The world picture is bleak, and we can soak our souls in entertainments while the world burns, but it won't stop the world burning.

As a last cry from Gen X - FIGHT THE POWER!!! Fight as hard as you can - NOLITE TE BASTARDES CARBORUNDORUM!!!

And go vote if you're an American. Only you can stop a Civil War in its tracks.

[princess-pray-a]

I love and need you

Multifandom fanfic senario : comfort

choose your character : gojo, geto , toji, silvio, clavis, shoto, chevaliar, Gilbert, vlad, comet, faust, killua ( aged up), mereum, shipouf , hisoka , leorio, mitsuhide, lou, zoro, sanji, law, tengen, bakugo, shigarakhi, aizawa, jotaro, victor, alfons, Roger barrel, kakashi, obanai

Genre: Comfort fic ! reader is insecure, gender neutral( maybe), established relationship, imagination, kisses , hugs, assurance , sfw, mention of anxiety

This may contains a lot of gramatical errors as it is not re read

My chest constricted as I felt my body tingle! Why on earth do people reach to conclusions about me so quick. Does words and rumors hold so much power that the authenticity I show in my conduct and behavior just gets washed away. Is the jealousy and hatred directed towards me so powerful that people get blinded to even consider my honesty. Tears pricked my eyes I felt powerless. I had lost everything, in a blink of an eye my dreams were shattered my heart was broken, my own lack of consistency and enough strength made me lose even the things I had.

Even if u went back in time I would have probably did the same mistake as the burden was too much for me to bear but! This lonely heart of mine craves to be seen for real! To be understood to be loved! Why oh why do I have to be dragged into the drama and hatred when I am gone, lost hiding somewhere under a shell to protect this fragile heart! Taking deep breath I close my eyes. There I feel an embrace that answers all.

It was non other than him who's strong arms held me tightly around my waist his breath warming my neck as he peppered kisses all over. “ no matter what I love you! I am here and I will not let them near you ever again “ he whispers. I turn around to face him and he instantly cradles my face in his palms. “ aww my little cute baby don't worry I am never going to leave you ok? It's a promise “ he kisses my forehead my eye lids my tip of nose and my lips. A wave of goosebumps hit me to stop myself form bailing my eyes out. His arms tug me to the bed and he cuddles me directly into his solid chest.

I am still trembling, I know he does love me a lot but I am scared, scared to be left alone, scared to be used, scared to be hated and sacred to hand over my heart to him, many came saying the same thing “I ain't gonna leave you, you are beautiful, I like you, I lovevyou, but it was only a matter of time, a single rumor, a single perspective away for them to completely go back on their words. Also to the fact I didn't want to be the one doting over an emotion less block either, someone who didn't value me at all who didn't harbour feelings for me and simply bask under the love I poured until i was drained dry while i was constantly made realize how pathetic ugly and worthless i was . Life didn't only throw stones at me it literally plunged me into the sea of decite, lies, back luck, despair and heartbreak. This made me trust no other soul but myself which was burdening. Finally nw that he was here, I.. Know now he will always.. always love me.

Tear that I had been holding soo much now trickle down from my face he kisses those tears away running his fingers through my hair he says “ shhh, it's ok love, I know you are great you always work hard to be better, you have not said bad about others don't even harbor dark emotions for others, though you don't deserve hate, I don't know myself why they do it, but no matter what I am always going to be by your side loving you ,protecting you like your shield, I won't leave and I will not even let you leave, I need you babe, because you are my world !” those words those words were what I needed! I didnt want to be a burden to anyone but I was desperately looking out for a person at least a single person whom I could confine to. I burts into a stream of tears while he wipes them ever so softly. “ I love you I love you so so much so please don't ever leaveme ok? Please I beg you, if you ever leave my heart wont survive !” finally letting those pathetic words leave my mouth I gaze at the expectantly.

He chuckled, “ haha yes yes definitely even if you fight or push me I will pull you soo tight and shower you will so much love that you can't ever leave me “ . I giggled a little “ well I ain't that pretty and all nor I have a good body! I ain't that great in brains depart either! Do you regret?” still not so confident in myself I ask him “what are you talking about! I love you with all my heart and you are so so beautiful in my eyes you are multi talented and that perfect for me no body I have seen is as bright and lovely as you! You are my cute little baby how can I leave you or even regret! You are the best thing in my life, your presence gives me strength and you have always helped me taken care of me loved me no matter what world said me and accepted and understood me you stood up for me so I can't ask for anything more love! I love you and only you !”

Finally the heavy feeling , wave of anxious thoughts and emotions leave my body as his warmth and kisses lulls me to sleep while he pulls a blanket over our bodies! Forever and always will I bask in the imaginary warmth of my comfort character unless one day it becomes real if i meet the one i could trust, until then I will cherish this warmth even if it's only made up in my head !

The end!..

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[faffreux]

Do they ever tell you how much more beautiful life gets with every year that passes? I don't know because I've never really heard anyone talk about it, honestly.

Maybe it's because of the appreciation you gain for the fact that you're able to be here at all. In the last 5 years I've seen so many people I grew up near and whom I loved dearly pass on. When I was younger the thought of witnessing their absence was such an impossible idea. I really couldn't fathom it.

Even now sometimes I'll have a memory of my grandfather and smile at the thought of him only to realize my memories are the only place I can find him now.

Yet, somehow... it only cultivates an appreciation for my time here all the more and the time I got to spend with him as well as the time I get to spend with people here and now- the ones who are still here.

I'm so happy for the chance I have to be here, for the things I've seen and for everything I've yet to see. For all the art I've been able to create and the people I've been able to connect to through it. I'm happy for the love I get to share with Fawful, even if it's a love not everyone around me will quite understand. That's okay too.

I'll dream of tomorrow and of who I'll be someday when I've had a thousand more adventures.

I look forward to living.

[snowblack-charcoalwhite]

People nedd to stop infantilising helaena.

That's literally one the most annoying things that some of her "stans" (i doubt those are her real fans) keep using. Like, she only wants to play with her bugs, leave her alone. And apparently her evil brother is weaponizing her and doesn't respect her autonomy because he wants her to join him against Daemon's army? What's unreasonable about it? She should have accepted to harm the man who was behind her son's gruesome death. Dreamfyre avd Vhagar would have killed Caraxes and decimated Daemon's army. But she doesn't want tk burn anyone. Sure, but the war is an extreme situation, even Rhaena who is also shown not to be a fan of violence and is more traditionally feminine is going to fight because she is obviously getting Nettles' arc. They are changing everything from the book, unless the change could be beneficial to the greens. And the so called fans are cool with it. I mean, if this was their plan for helaena, they should have just copied her arc form the book since by making her a dragon dreamer they only made everything more nonsensical and annoying.

Another thing: it's funny how people were predicting for a whole season to whom are her words about playing a part and fulfilling the destiny were directed- Aemond, Alicent, even Aegon. But no, it was her for some reason helping and guiding the f***ng Daemon. I guess she can leave her bugs for a moment to do that , according to her supposed fans. It's infuriating.

Hello!

Even before the leaks came out, I questioned Helaena's virtual disappearance from the plot. But now it's quite clear that the writers turned her into a prop (as the author of one of my recent asks very aptly put it).

I mentioned my opinion on Helaena in season 2 here, and I want to emphasize that my quarrel is not with the character but with the writers. Just like Aegon, Helaena is blatantly being used to show how dysfunctional the Greens are as a family - and to highlight the flaws and sins of other characters. These characters being mainly, once again, Alicent and Aemond.

Alicent is a bad mother because she is shown to be more worried about Helaena seeing her having sex with Criston than about Jaehaerys' death and then forces her traumatized daughter to go through with the public funeral and traumatizes her even more. And now Aemond gets violent with her and trying to force her to do something she is not willing to do.

Whether it is a good call to ask her to fight or not is one question. A lot of people say something along the lines of "If only Aemond had not burned Aegon...". True, Vhagar plus Sunfyre would be better than just Vhagar; but, firstly, even this duo (okay, trio if we count Tessarion) would still not be enough to counter Rhaenyra's four dragons (with Caraxes and Sheepstealer - six), and, secondly, Sunfyre for all his spirit is young, inexperienced and quite small (Tessarion is also basically still a baby, by the way). Would Aegon, had he remained in power, have abstained from asking Helaena to join the common effort?

The thing is, post B&C Helaena became almost a non-entity. She easily gets over the horrific death of her child - and then does nothing. What is left of her? Why is she supposed to be treated as if she is made of glass? Because of the mere fact that she is a woman? Not enough. Because her child was murdered? She seems to have got over it: she is nowhere near the mental state her book counterpart was in. And don't get me wrong, I am not of the opinion that only badass dragonrider ladies are supposed to be respected and cherished while peace-loving and gentle women deserve nothing. This is not about badassery: as you said, the situation is dire. It's not about Helaena doing it for Aemond, it's about the survival of their family: Alicent, Aegon, Otto, Helaena herself - and her little daughter about whose existence many viewers have probably already forgotten. But she refuses to join Aemond because "I don't wanna and because you're a bitch". Awesome.

However, she is indeed ready to guide the murderer of her child. When I understood where this whole thing about "fulfilling destiny" is going I couldn't believe it for a second. And for me it was the final nail in Helaena's character coffin. Phia's acting was great (in the scenes where she was actually given the chance to act) but the character development... RIP, Dreamer Queen, it was nice knowing you.

P.S. Gosh, I completely forgot about Moondancer and Vermax while counting TB dragons. So, even with Aegon and Sunfyre safe and sound - but without Dreamfyre - it would be 3 against 8. Helaena, would you like to rethink your decision?

[topazadine]

Writerly Questionnaire

Thanks to @the-golden-comet for the tag! I enjoyed reading your answers, especially the part about your characters!

Alright, here goes.

About Me

When did you first start writing?

I wrote my first story at age 7, started my first book at age 12 (no you can't read it, it's terrible) and published my first poem at age 15.

Are the genres/themes you enjoy reading different from the ones you write?

Despite writing fantasy, I actually don't read much of it myself. My undergrad career focused most on British literature (specializing in Victorian lit) so that's what I'm most familiar with and what I like the most.

Is there an author (or just a fellow writer!) you want to emulate, or one to whom you’re often compared?

I don't really seek to emulate anyone because I have my own unique voice, and I don't really get compared to anyone else either. If you have suggestions of what I might sound like, fire away lmao, because I don't really know who I emulate. However, I take a lot of inspiration from Willa Cather for atmosphere and Emile Zola for realism.

Can you tell me a little about your writing space(s)? (Room, coffee shop, desk, etc.)

I exclusively write at my desk. My setup looks like this:

I need my little guys and my Emotional Support Stuffed Cow (her name is Bluebell the Moobell because she has a little bell in her). Note the knitting I'm procrastinating on at the bottom right lmao.

What’s your most effective way to muster up some muse?

Funnily enough, I often get inspiration from my day job as an SEO writer, even though it has absolutely nothing to do with the types of stuff I write. Sometimes I'll just be hammering away at a Construction Accident Personal Injury Lawyer page and it strikes me that I need to kill one of my characters.

Did the place(s) you grew up in influence the people and places you write about?

Sort of. I have this thing I do where I like to mentally walk through buildings I used to visit as a relaxation activity, like my childhood elementary school, so that's given me a good memory of how places are laid out. As for actual settings? No, most of those are just made up of pictures I've seen of different places that I've never visited.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing, and if so, do they surprise you at all?

Some of my recurring themes include: Degradation/transformation of memory Struggling against fate/the unknowability of fate Found family Abusive relationships Moral relativism Satisficing (choosing between multiple suboptimal outcomes to pick the least harmful option) None of them surprise me; I recognize where they come from. For example, my obsession with the degradation and transformation of memory comes from my own struggles with dissociative amnesia, and my interest in satisficing comes from my International Relations degree. My concerns about the unknowability of fate come from the fact that I had a premonition that I'd die of a heart attack at 42. And I'm 32 right now. You can imagine that this influences my process lmao.

My Characters

Would you please tell me about your current favorite character? (Current WIP, past WIP, never used, etc.)

As a lesbian, I am not ashamed to say that I am deeply and passionately horny for Uileac (who you can meet in "Cachaille" or read about in 9 Years Yearning). Like how can you not go crazy for a man who thinks this is the perfect declaration of love?

He's so scary and so devoted, yet also very chill and laid-back? And funny? And athletic? And protective of his lil sis? He's just ... (screams into pillow)

Which of your characters do you think you’d be friends with in real life?

Ono. He's a Sinan royal guard who is just so sweet but also kinda dumb.

There's a scene where he has to ask Cerie what kind of menstrual products she needs for their trip, which is both mortifying and really adorable. He's just a really gentle and nice guy who I think would get along with damn near everyone.

Which of your characters would you dislike the most if you met them?

I think Mordrek would scare the absolute shit out of me ngl. Like ... bro just ... does this kind of shit on the regular

Tell me about the process of coming up with of one, all, or any of your characters.

Uileac, Orrinir, and Ono were heavily inspired by Uguisumaru, Ookanehira, and Omokage from Touken Ranbu and I don't apologize for that. Obviously they are a bit different, but their personalities are quite similar. Cerie was developed from a roleplay where I was playing as Uguisumaru's made-up sister, so that's why she's Uileac's sister in Poesyverse. Haniya, Cerie's love interest, was made up by using personality testing and astrology to come up with Cerie's Perfect Match. No one knows where Mordrek came from. He just kinda showed up.

Do you notice any recurring themes/traits among your characters?

They all have daddy issues. Every single fucking one of them.

How do you picture them? (As real people you imagined, as models/actors who exist in real life, as imaginary artwork, as artwork you made or commissioned, anime style, etc.)

All the art I have for my characters was made with AI before I realized AI was absolute garbage shit, so I'm not showing it, but I did commission a painting of Cerie from the amazing artist Caleb over on Twitter:

My Writing

What’s your reason for writing?

For me, that's kind of like asking why a bird sings. It's just what I do and what I have always done.

Is there a specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating coming from your readers?

Definitely when someone says that my writing helped them or resonated with them. My writing gives me catharsis and it feels really good when other people say they got that same sense of catharsis.

How do you want to be thought of by those who read your work? (For example: as a literary genius, or as a writer who “gets” the human condition; as a talented worldbuilder, as a role model, etc.)

As someone who takes risks that pay off.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

Depicting trauma without being melodramatic.

What have you been frequently told your greatest writing strength is by others?

People have told me they like how meticulous and carefully set up my stories are without infodumping or being boring. They appreciate the work that goes into planning things, how it all pays off in the end and comes together nicely without plot holes.

How do you feel about your own writing? (Answer in whatever way you interpret this question.)

I think I've come a long way and continue to improve, which is what is most important.

If you were the last person on earth and knew your writing would never be read by another human, would you still write?

The last Kauaʻi ʻōʻō still sang until the end. So yes.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely what you enjoy? If it’s a mix of the two, which holds the most influence?

I write whatever the hell I feel like when I feel like it. People tend to like it, but if they don't, I enjoyed making it anyway.

Open tag!

[simp999]

A New Home Ch. 9

Various splatoon manga x Skilled! Isekai'd! Reader

Wc: 1.2k

A/N: Don't come at me for some gear similarities with other characters, I came up with these beloved characters before I even knew what the splatoon manga was aaa

Back to the start! Previous Next

Your newfound team continues to make great progress over the course of a couple days, and you wonder how much longer Rider will be training the blue team for.

Your team has been doing lots of ranked, and you're all already around rank A.

It doesn't take long for you to get a grip on their weaknesses and strong points, and their personalities. Leo reminds you of a mix of Gloves and Aloha, wanting to be trendy and fun, but he's also easily excited. Emotions are all over the place with this squid, he's pretty cool though. He kinda reminds you of an annoying little brother whom you're bound to love.

Milo's never one to be quiet, and he's got a big heart. That could be a good or bad thing, but you like to think of it as good. He's definitely the big brother type, and would do anything for his team. It's also pretty funny to see this scary, 6'1 or so person just start info-dumping, it's adorable really.

Tasha's always distant, and you find out that that's just how she is, it's not that she dislikes you or anything. She takes great care of her weapon, but struggles with voicing some things. She's often very blunt and feels bad about it at times, but doesn't show it. 

One thing's for sure though, these guys are all passionate about the game. And they feel like family, they give off a sense of home, which is very comforting. 

Tasha snipes another one of your opponents, saving Leo from getting splatted and securing another KO for your team. You look over at her, proud of how far they've come. Leo shouts a ‘Booyah’ and Tasha nods in acknowledgement. Now it's not just a jumbled mess of people everywhere, you all know your positions. Their weapons were already good for a team, they just didn't know how to use them. 

Tasha stands in the back, always on support. Leo always heads straight in, always on the offensive. Milo's job is to focus on the goal at hand, like the splatzone or tower, not letting anyone near said spot. You support all of your teammates, as a leader should. You're impressed with the progress you've made today, and offer to go to the mall with all the money you've just won. Leo's all for it, wanting to get a new video game that just dropped. Milo's down too, looking forward to a well deserved meal. Tasha's fine with it, she's craving boba anyways. You really need some decorations for your room, so you count up the money you have and make your way to the mall. 

Your first stop at the mall is the tea and boba shop, each getting a cup. You get your favorite flavor, Leo gets blueberry with mango popping pearls. Milo gets all watermelon, and Tasha gets a large cup with grape tea and strawberry popping pearls. Your next stop is the video game store, SquidStop. There’s a lot of anime figurines, video games, bags, hats, and other merchandise. Leo’s quick to spot a pink squid plush and run over to it, claiming it as his own. 

“Hey look! It looks like Aloha!”

Oh? He’s a fan of the S4? You suppose his energy does match Aloha’s somewhat, you’re not surprised he’s a fan. Milo goes over to him and shuffles through the plushie bin to find an orange squid plush. You see the smile on his face widen, the orange plush is safely secured. Leo looks over at Tasha after hugging his plush and gets an idea. He quickly sorts through the plushies to find a purple squid. He holds it above his head once found, and looks over at Tasha.

“Hey, look Tasha! I found Skull for ya!”

So, they’re fans of the S4? That’s nice, now you have an alibi for knowing so much about them if it ever comes up. You’re just a regular S4 fan is all, yup.

Tasha was browsing the acrylic charms when Leo caught her attention, and you notice her quickly pull up her bandanna and mumble something incomprehensible before going back to the charms.

Leo makes his way to the video games, looking for the latest ones. You figure that you should complete the collection, and you grab a cyan squid from the pile. You find a bunch of posters, some figures, and other merchandise to make your room feel more homey. You’re aware that this is going to be an expensive shopping spree, but you think you’ve deserved it. Tasha makes her way over to you, showing you four acrylic charms. They’re little squids, each corresponding to your main colors. Lime green for Milo, royal blue for Leo, purple for herself, and your main color for you. She shyly asks you if you think the others will like them.

“I think they’re cute, I’m sure Milo and Leo will love them.”

You didn’t want to embarrass her, but that’s just too sweet. She really does care for her team, even if she may not say it verbally.

The next few stops are the clothing stores. Milo was complaining about how his glasses got scratched in your guys' last battle. 

“You should get some sunglasses or something, you look dorky with those y’know.” 

Leo’s not wrong, but you found that it suited Milo’s soft personality well. But if you intend on being a scary team, you suppose that Milo would look good with sunglasses, even just for battle. Plus lots of the stages can get quite bright during the day.

“But they’re prescription! You know how bad my vision is, Leo!”

“Y’know, we can always just get prescription sunglasses, Milo.”

Milo complains that they’re too expensive, but you insist on paying for them. They’ve already done so much for you, after all, it’s the least you could do. You get Milo a pair of prescription tinted shades, and you make sure they fit just right before leaving the store. You spot an iconic piece of headgear, and you get an idea. You wordlessly go up to Tasha and gently grab the purple squid plush out of her hands. She’s hesitant to give it up, but she’s sure you won’t do anything bad with it. You go back to where you saw the piece of headgear and shield what you’re doing to the plush before spinning around with a smile on your face and presenting your masterpiece.

“Ta-daaa!~ It’s Skull now!”

You had tied a Skull bandana around the plush. Tasha shakes her head but you can tell there’s a smile under her bandanna, and Leo laughs at what you’ve done, but he’s quick to find a golf visor for his own plush. Once the gas mask and special forces beret have all been acquired and put on their individual plush, you guys make your way home to sort out all the stuff you bought.

Next part

Apr.29.21

[queenofzan]

bernie's future wife

i decided a long time ago that bernie wound up marrying an asexual woman from the trading flotilla. considering bernie is "ayla's" (in the same way hari is mara's and lind is nic's) i then thought about what bernie's wife's relationship with ayla specifically might be. so here's raisa!

---

Raisa was sitting in the courtyard, letting the water from the roof drip onto her legs before it reached the thirsty plants below. It was interesting, how every bit of the village seemed to have multiple purposes. Some of the roofs collected rainwater, some of the roofs charged heat-stones, some of the roofs were little gardens themselves. It didn't have a unified aesthetic, except for how it had all been built by the same hands.

Raisa loved this village. She had since the first time she was allowed to come, instead of hanging back with the nanny ship. It was so eclectic and alive and lived-in. This village had never been taken over by a gang of rich people and turned to their interests, or sucked dry by an entitled noble, or run ahead of its own resource production until it dried up and began to decay. It was a mish-mash of aesthetics and purposes, unified by the desire to help everyone.

She wasn't sure how much the villagers would want her around, after the fight she'd just had with Bernie. Bernie was one of the headwoman's kids, which meant she was also one of the Destroyer's kids. They were beloved by the entire village, but the anger of the two most important people in the village--one of whom was a literal god!--was the real danger. She didn't think they'd tell the fleet to fuck off, but they might ask the captains to not have Raisa come.

She was near tears again before she realized it.

She loved this village, of course, but she was really upset about Bernie. She'd tried so hard not to mess things up this time. She'd tried so hard.

"Hey, Raisa," someone called. Raisa looked up to see it was Bernie's mother, the village headwoman. Raisa couldn't help cringing a little.

The village headwoman, who, like the rest of her village, didn't seem to have a family name and therefore everyone simply called Ayla, didn't seem to notice. She beckoned Raisa and said, "Come take a walk with me."

She was in for it now, Raisa thought, but it wasn't like she didn't get it. She'd be pissed at someone for fighting with Bernie too, if she wasn't the one doing it. She glumly got to her feet and followed Ayla down the street to the fields.

They walked in silence for a few minutes. The moist ground smelled greener than the dankest parts of a ship. Some of the other members of the fleet didn't like it, but Raisa always had. Sure, it meant she wasn't on the sea, but it meant she was on good land, at least.

As they reached the far end of the fields, where they'd be able to see anyone approaching them from pretty far away, well before they could be overheard, Ayla said, "So Bernie told me you had a fight."

Raisa sighed. "Yes, ma'am," she said.

Ayla frowned at her. "I'm not going to yell at you," she said. "Or I don't intend to, at least. You've been to enough family dinners now, I think you know I'm not always prepared to get so...worked up."

"Yes, ma'am," Raisa said. "Thank you."

"Do you like having sex with Bernie?" Ayla asked.

Raisa hesitated, because Ayla would hardly be asking if Bernie hadn't told her about the fight. "I don't hate it," she said.

Ayla sighed. "Kiddo," she murmured. Which was a little condescending, Raisa was twenty-eight, but Ayla had been running this village since she was nineteen, and she was old enough to be Raisa's mother.

When Raisa started dating Bernie, people asked her if she was intimidated to be dating one of Mara's children, and did she worry about being smited if she fucked something up. Which was silly, because for all that Mara was the god of destruction, he was a harmless funny uncle as far as Raisa was concerned. She just couldn't square the idea of Mara the Destroyer with the man who used to toss rocks up into the air and disintegrate them with magic to entertain children. But it was also that Bernie wasn't Mara's kid. Like, she literally was, he was her father, there was no denying that, but Bernie was first and foremost her mother's daughter. Hari was the one stuck to Mara like glue, and Lind was very much Nic's. Bernie was Ayla's.

Anyway, Ayla did all the negotiating with the captains, and even though she never introduced herself as such, all the other villagers looked to her for decisions because she was the village headwoman. Raisa had the impression they made their decisions more collectively, much like a ship did, then had Ayla act as their captain to speak to outsiders and do business. And Ayla was a temperamental and stubborn leader. Raisa never wanted to get on her bad side.

"Kiddo," Ayla murmured. "Did it never occur to you that you don't have to have sex with your girlfriend?"

"Of course I do," Raisa said. "That's what being someone's girlfriend is."

"Oh, yikes," Ayla said. "Are you saying you're only dating my daughter to get in her pants?"

Raisa flushed. "No, of course not," she said.

"Then you think she's only dating you to get in your pants," Ayla said.

"No," Raisa said. "That's not what I meant at all."

"So sex isn't all there is to dating, then."

"No, but it's one of the things people expect," Raisa said.

"And you can tell people to stop expecting it," Ayla said. "It's actually pretty easy."

"Easy for you to say," Raisa muttered, aware she sounded sullen but unable to help it.

Ayla laughed. "Gods," she said. "Bernie really ought to have learned from Hari and Fatima's example," she said, shaking her head. "Raisa, do you know why Bernie asked me to talk to you? Instead of Nic or Mara, hell, even Hari or Lind?"

"She's your favorite," Raisa said. "Or...vice-versa, at least."

"Fair, but not why she came to me," Ayla said. If Raisa had said that about any of the parents in the fleet, they would have denied it, even when it was obvious. That was just one of the things she liked about the village, that they didn't deny obvious things just because they were distasteful. Usually, that made them less distasteful. Ayla went on, "When she calmed down, she realized what you were saying sounded a lot like things I used to say."

Raisa frowned. "What do you mean?" she asked.

"It sounded to her like you don't like having sex with her," Ayla said, "shh, I'm not done--because it sounds like you don't really like having sex with anyone."

"It's fine," Raisa said.

"Kiddo, I don't even have a sex drive and I don't think sex is supposed to just be 'fine'," Ayla said.

Raisa looked over at her, frowning. "What do you mean," she asked, "you don't have a sex drive?"

"I mean I have never in my life looked at someone and thought, ooh, I need some of that," Ayla said. "No, not even Mara or Nic. I didn't have sex at all until I was older than you are now, which was a good twelve years into our marriage. Or, twelve years into Nic and Mara's marriage, which none of us realized functionally included me too."

"What?" Raisa asked. "But you--I mean, I've heard you have sex with them."

Ayla chuckled. "Never say that around Nic," she said. "Ze'd die. Yes, I do have sex with them now. Not as often as they have sex with each other, because I still don't want it the way they do. I don't think about it all the time, which I'm pretty sure Nic would if ze wasn't always tinkering with something. I do it because it makes them happy, and it's fun, but it's also on my terms, which I'm pretty sure lots of people would think didn't even count as sex."

"What?" Raisa asked again.

Ayla was quiet for a few moments. Raisa waited for her to collect her thoughts. "For a long time," Ayla said eventually, "I thought the fact that I didn't want to have sex meant I could never be in a relationship. I figured it wouldn't be worth it to someone else. I thought they'd think I was childish, or selfish, or that I didn't actually like them."

Raisa found tears swarming her eyes again. "You did?" she asked.

"Gods, did I ever," Ayla said. She shook her head. "My first village, growing up--even though we were heretics because of the farming, it was very strict in other ways. I can't imagine anyone there ever accepting Nic wasn't a woman, or Lind not being a man. They'd only be alright with Hari and Fatima if they pretended Fatima was a man." For a second, Raisa couldn't even understand why they'd choose to think Fatima was a man instead of Hari; it had been so long since Fatima swapped. Ayla went on, "They told me for years that I was being childish and selfish, for not being interested in any of the village boys, and wishing my friends would stop pairing off."

"Oh," Raisa said. "I had no idea."

"Of course not," Ayla said. "If someone tried to say that in our village, we'd have Mara toss them into the ocean. Same as we'd do with anyone who tried to insinuate Nic is 'really' a woman, or that Chiamaka should settle down with a man and have kids of her own. But that's the sort of thing that made me think there was no point in even talking to Nic and Mara about how it made me feel when they started dating. Even if you discounted the fact that I was supposed to have feelings for one of them, not both of them--what was even the point, when they already had each other, and I couldn't offer the whole girlfriend experience anyway? Why would they even bother?"

"I really don't mind having sex," Raisa said. "I do like making Bernie feel good. It's just so exhausting."

"Then you should tell her that," Ayla said. "Because right now, she thinks you hate her."

"I could never!" Raisa said. "I love her, I want to be with her, I--" She just managed to stop herself from telling Bernie's mother that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with Bernie before she told Bernie directly. "It's just, sometimes it feels like that's all she wants from me, especially when we've been apart. And I know that's not true, it just...feels that way sometimes. And. You're right, I don't think other people feel this way about their girlfriends. I know most of the people in the Fleet are just as excited for that reunion sex when they get back to port as Bernie is. But she doesn't have another person to have sex with when I'm not there, and I don't know how I'd feel about that anyway."

"No, but you don't even know if that's something she would want or ask for," Ayla said. "Because you haven't actually talked to her about this."

"But--but what if it means she doesn't want me anymore?" Raisa asked.

Ayla set her hand on Raisa's shoulder. Quietly, she said, "If you had to lie to her to keep her interested, it wasn't a very good fit, then, was it?"

Raisa started crying. "I don't want to break up," she said. "I've never felt this way about anyone before. I don't want to lose it."

"There's a whole slew of things in between 'saying what you think she wants to hear' and 'breaking up forever'," Ayla said. "I don't know what she's willing to give up to keep you, but neither do you, huh? You should talk to her about it before you jump right to 'breaking up'."

Raisa sniffled. "Like what?" she asked. "I can't ask her to never have sex."

"Sure you can," Ayla said. "I went fourteen years sleeping with Nic and Mara without having sex with them. They still agreed I was the mother of their children and their wife."

"But like you said, they have each other," Raisa said.

"Sure, but you can still ask," Ayla said. "If that's something Bernie can't do, you look for the next compromise that might work for both of you. Say she can have casual sex with other people but not date them, or try and figure out a way to make sex less of a chore for you, or see if having sex less often helps you focus on the parts you like without the rest getting annoying. I'm sure there's other things I'm not thinking of that the two of you can come up with." She squeezed Raisa's shoulder. "At least then, you will have tried. Honestly, without trying to be something you're not."

Raisa wiped her eyes with the back of one hand. "I thought you'd be mad at me," she said.

"For what, trying to be what you thought a good girlfriend was?" Ayla asked.

"At least for lying," Raisa said.

Ayla sighed again. "Kiddo," she said. "There were times I wished I hadn't told everyone in the village I wasn't going to fuck them, so I could have tried to put up with it, for Nic or Mara's sake. Nic never told zeir parents ze wasn't a girl. Danny spent years trying to make himself be interested in women. It's not great for your relationship that you felt like you had to lie, but feeling like that, like you had to, makes it a lot harder to be mad about."

After a while, Raisa asked, "How do you do it? How do you...make yourself believe they don't mind?"

"It helps that they didn't for fourteen years," Ayla said. "But we've talked about it, when we first agreed we were all married, and since then. They gave me time and space to figure out what I might actually be okay with, and they didn't try to prod me into things for their sake. And they trust me when I say I like having sex with them even though I don't find them sexy and don't want them touching me, so the least I can do is trust them when they say they love me whether or not we have sex."

"That sounds terrifying," Raisa said.

Ayla laughed again. "Well, there is a reason it took fourteen years," she said. "I didn't even know where to start. Nic and Mara both tried, at least once, to let me know there was a place for me with them if I wanted it, but I couldn't believe they meant it, or knew what it sounded like. And they didn't want to push, since the first thing I said about it was that I wasn't interested and they shouldn't bother hitting on me." She nudged Raisa's arm. "You have the advantage that we tried really hard to make this a village where it was safe to be weird when it doesn't hurt anyone."

"But it could hurt her," Raisa said.

"Unfortunately, you already hurt her," Ayla said. "But also: you not wanting to fuck someone doesn't hurt them. It just doesn't. If they hear you don't want to fuck them and get upset about it, that's their problem, not yours. You hurt Bernie by not telling her the truth, and letting her think you weren't attracted to her anymore. Not by being less into sex than she is."

"Can I--" She cut herself off. She didn't have any right to ask that, not of Ayla. But then, who else could she ask? Any of the other villagers would ask Ayla her opinion anyway. Raisa took a deep, shaky breath, and then another that was less shaky. She asked, "If--if it doesn't work with Bernie, can I still come here? Can I still visit?"

Ayla stopped walking and pulled Raisa into a hug. "Oh, you little idiot," she murmured. "Of course you can."

Raisa's eyes filled with tears again. "Really?" she asked.

"You'd have to do a lot worse than just breaking up with my daughter to get kicked out of this village," Ayla said. She squeezed Raisa. "What matters is that you let people do their own thing and try to get along. And I know you can do that."

Raisa nodded into Ayla's shoulder, not quite trusting herself to speak.

Ayla took a step back, keeping her hands on Raisa's arms. "Now you go tell Bernie what you told me and figure out what you're going to try that's in between lying and keeping secrets and breaking up forever, okay? I know it's scary. But you deserve a relationship where you can be yourself."

Raisa nodded.