#but not by much. ravengard was NOT the hardest part of that

[danielnelsen]

oh my god. i think saving everyone from the iron throne is the crowning achievement of my entire life

[piltoverfinest]

Listen. Listen. I had a thought (yes a single one because Karlach and Wyll have taken over my mind completely) and I am nothing but not intend on adding more salt to open wounds.

Karlach and Wyll both grew up in Baldurs Gate. Very different parts of it, granted, but Ulder Ravengard strikes me as someone who would encourage his son to know all of the cities people, rich or poor. And we know Wyll is certainly the type of person to try and look over this stuff, to strive for being the kind and popular leader one day.

So, young Karlach and young Wyll become friends. Like, best friends. Karlach is this courageous, never-scared spitfire, a perfect balance to Wyll's demure and safe upbringing. They spend almost every day with each other, roaming the city. And as they grow older, they eventually crush on each other. It just...happens. It's a natural development but Wyll gets more and more involved in his duties and Karlach needs to break out of this hole she grew up. They never tell the other how much they actually mean to each other. And suddenly Karlach is gone, nowhere to be found and only a few weeks later Wyll makes the hardest decision of his life and just like that- poof, their lives change forever.

(Let's put a 'Read More' here because like everything I ever write, this turned out longer than I wanted it to be. Ooops, I guess.)

Now, we all know Mizora twisted things so nobody remembers the imminent attack and Wyll got sent away by his father. But what if she didn't just alter the memories of the people around Wyll but in addition, also took something from him. Zarliel already had Karlach in her claws, so, naturally, if you are a devil with the chance to add even more pain, you do. Because come on, it just cant be a coincidence that Karlach and Wyll were enslaved by the same devil. It just cant be. And that way they made sure Wyll would also never come after her. Or at least not to save her. So again, just like that - poof, no recollection of Karlach or his feelings for her. No memory of her laughter and friendship.

Which brings us to poor Karlach, recently sold by the man she trusted, cut off from all of her friends and family, left to do Zariel's bidding. Her heart gets taken, replaced with infernal iron and hot blazing heat and yet, she doesn't cave. She grinds her teeth and hangs on to the hope of survival. Of one day returning to Baldurs Gate. And she won't give up on her positivity. She can't give it up, it's all she has left. So when the war is finally over, she dares to breathe and hope to be set free...only to be told there's someone out to kill her. The Blade of Frontiers. She has no idea who that person is, just knows that he's a monster hunter. Being thrown in the same pot as devil's and lemurs stings more than any dagger she ever felt.

So she runs, hides, until she finally meets him. The Blade of Frontiers. A knife to her throat and she's frozen. Because that isn't the Blade of Frontier. That's Wyll. Same brown eyes (or at least one of them), almost the same handsome face except for the newly added scars. He's the same Wyll and yet he's not. She whispers his name and realizes the second he looks at her, talen aback and confused, that he doesn't remember. He has no idea who she is. And that hurts even more than when Zariel cut her heart out. Her closest friend, the one person she ever felt love for and here he is calling her a monster. A devil. Scum under his boots. Threatening to kill her.

She has no choice but to fight back and push him off. Run again. Hide again. And suddenly she wakes up on a weird ship and she's out of the hells. And Gods is she happy. Gods is she scared. Gods is she broken. For the first time in years the horrors of everything catches up with her. The first few nights she spends crying, curled up in fetal position, trying to figure out what to do next. Who to go to when the only person she trusted has forgotten all about her. She wants to hate him. She wants to be mad. But she can't. She still carries love for him where her heart used to be.

Wyll doesn't know why but ever since their meeting in the hells, he can't close his eyes without hearing this darned devil's voice. Not Mizora's snears and petty remarks, he's used to ignoring her by now, but Karlach's. A laugh so catching he can't help but smile in his sleep, even though he's sure he has never actually heard her laugh before. Her soft whisper of his name. His real name. Wyll Ravengard. How did she know? He hasn't been Wyll Ravengard for a long time. No one seems to know Wyll Ravengard anymore, so who is that devil woman? He keeps tossing and turning, the strangest dreams of sharing his first bottle of beer with that flaming woman, hidden on the Pier of Baldurs Gate. Leaning in with the untamable urge to- But it's all so fuzzy.

When they meet the next time, Wyll is with a group of people and Karlach has never begged for her life but she knows she doesn't want to die by his hand. It can't be. She is pretty sure this will be her last day, though. She can't take 4 people all on her own when one of them is Wyll. She can not, will not, kill Wyll. So she begs and pleads, tries to explain, tries to convince him and for some wonderous reason, the leader of their group understands her dilemma. And Wyll sees his error. He lets his blade sink. He lets her live. More than that, as soon as he realizes his mistake, he willingly pays the prize Mizora forces upon him. He turns into the very thing he hunted, turns into a devil for her just to keep her safe.

That night, the first night at camp, she cries again. Quietly. Hidden behind some rocks. It's tears of relief but also shame and guilt. Wyll is a devil because of her and if only he knew...he would never forgive himself. She will never forgive herself for the sacrifice he had to make for her. If only she knew, maybe she would have let him kill her. So she decides, with a heavy heart, if he doesn't remember then he doesn't need to be reminded. She doesn't need to add to his torment by throwing her own feelings in the mix.

All the while, Wyll knows something is up. Something is not what it seems. He notices the things that seem too convenient to be a coincidence. They both grew up in Baldurs Gate. Mizora works for Zariel, who stuck her claws into Karlach, too. She vanished just weeks before the Dragon attack. She knows his name. His full name. His real name. And the way she looks at him sometimes, so full of pain and longing...

Karlach puts on a smile, swallows her feelings and acts like the person Wyll turned into, the Blade of Frontiers, isn't the most beautiful person she has ever met, inside and outside. Like his unbreakable kindness doesn't make her heart swell. That the jokes that fall flat on the other's ears make her burst out into laughter she hasn't felt in years. The way he immediately is ride or die for her again reminds her of their time together and sometimes, she catches herself looking at him. Longingly. Remembering. Wishing for something that will never be. Staring at him during her night guard while he's slumbering peacefully.

Then there's the matter of his dreams. Surely, some of them are purely a reaction to his undeniable attraction to Karlach because good Gods, she is bold and loud and strong but also, despite the misery she was put through, she has remained soft and hopeful and a beacon of glowing positivity. She is absolutely perfect. It only took him a few nights to fall for her completely. But other dreams feel...too real to be a figment of his imagination. They feel like memories.

It doesn't come back to him until they free Mizora and she agrees to set him free in six months. That night, the memories take over his euphoric, open mind, swarming and flooding him. Defending a teenage Karlach from someone twice their size because she decided to seek a fight for fun. Running from the guards after Karlach convinced him to steal an orange from a merchants cart. Holding her hand, staring out at the endless ocean, leaning in and then fleeing like a coward. The only time bravery left him hanging. Karlach showing him her favourite places in the Baldurian slums, sharing foods of her home with him. And gods, the love for her almost bursts from him when he wakes with her name on his lips.

He looks at her then, over to where she sleeps and he can't hold it in. He crawls towards her, quietly puts his head next to hers and the only thing he can say is her name. Karlach blinks at him, surprised, then suddenly vulnerable and finally her yellow eyes flood with happiness and emotion. He puts his arms around her as soon as she smiles. He whispers her name in her ear, the same way he did when they were seventeen and it only takes her a second to notice, to recognize the difference, the sound still carved into her chest. Her infernal heart soars. She closes her eyes, leans her head against his.

And finally, after years and years of torture, she is home again. And finally, after years and years of searching, Wyll is too.

[too-destiny-panda]

Wyllvember Day 25: Identity

A/N: This is such an interesting prompt, but my thoughts on it are all over the place! Argh! Anyways. Onto the actual ficlet. Tags: @sagscrib, @commander-yinello WC: 578

One’s identity is a sacred thing. Sure, some beings may steal it and parade around with it, but at the end of the day, it will still never be theirs. And it constantly changes. One is not the same person they were a week ago. They had new conversations, learned new things, read a new sentence, saw a new face that changed an opinion one had. All those things, those newfound opinions, make up memories, and memories make a person. Of course, the mental aspect plays only a part in the general make-up of an identity, the physical presentation, outward expressions of personality are just as important. And, not all identities constantly change

Over the course of Wyll’s life, he had changed, as much as one could change, he supposes, although not always how and when he wanted to. Looking back, he supposes he changed in ways he didn’t even know about, or maybe simply didn’t think about. Instances from his childhood that shaped him in many ways, slowly building up his character, instilling lifelong habits into himself. Then, his teenage years, which shaped him more drastically, his thoughts and emotions slowly leading up to the person he would become as he matured. And, of course, the hardest year of his life, the one after he was exiled, which cemented his personality, forced him to reflect on himself, and in the end finalized (what he thought was), the biggest change he would go through in his early adulthood.

He supposes it all began very early. The shaping. Though that probably just came with the territory of raising a child and leading them in the right direction. The early reading and etiquette classes, the training, and duels. Taking him on walks, allowing him to explore and be a child, letting him get into trouble, all within reason of course. His father was a strict man and he loved him dearly, and he would be damned if something serious happened to his one and only son. The songs and ballads, the legends of old and stories of romantic heroes all played their role as well. His ideals, his imagination making him determined to become like those characters, to save and help people, and be known across the land for doing so. He chuckles to himself, remembering how he would dress up in his fanciest clothes and steal his father’s cloak, brandishing his wooden sword as he paraded around his room, delivering speeches to an invisible audience until he tried himself out.

Ah, childhood. What a wonderful and intriguing thing. Everyone experienced it differently, not matter the various similarities. How different that is to adulthood, where one simple thing, one simple choice, can turn your world upside down in way you may have never even imagined. Even if it is the choice one would consider the best. In truth, Wyll’s identity has never truly changed from a certain point. From his teenage mischief, continuing through his exile, up until his transformation into a devil, his morals, his ideals and goals. All those things maintained his personality, his identity. And he doubted they would ever change, as long as he had a personal choice in the matter.

At the end of the day, be it Wyll Ravengard, the son of Grand Duke Ravengard, or the Blade of Frontiers, all those titles and names are just facets that make up one whole: Wyll, a wonderful friend and person. Maybe the best of us.

[tolnas-vault]

WIP to Watch Out For: Good Measures

Reviewed: May 2 2024

Fic Data

Rating: M

Status: Incomplete

Publish Date: 2024-03-18

Last Update: 2024-04-04

Chapters: 3

Word Count: 11,187

Main Ship(s): Barcus Wroot/Zanner Toobin

Side Ship(s): Barcus Wroot/Wulbren Bongle

Other Side Character(s): Wyll, Obelia Toobin

Summary:

At the end of it all, outside the Steel Watch foundry, when they stood before each other for the final time, the hardest part for Barcus was not the physical cleaving of himself from Wulbren, as he was already so used to being pushed away. It was not that Wulbren would not see reason, or even that when passion finally flared in his eyes as he looked at Barcus, it was clear, virulent hatred.

No, the hardest part of all was turning away, only to be left with the simple fact of his loneliness. Without Wulbren, who was Barcus, after all? What life was left for him to live?

He did not know.

***

Nearly a year out from the fall of the Absolute, Barcus Wroot finds he has the strength in him for one more go at love, after all.

Tags and rating to change.

Ao3 Stats (As of May 2 2024)

Barcus Wroot/Zanner Toobin works on Ao3: 1

Barcus Wroot works on Ao3: 37

Zanner Toobin works on Ao3: 7

Review (Mild Spoilers Only)

Warnings: Wulbren Bongle style Abuse, anxiety inducing procrastination.

Favorite Quote:

"Barcus gave Wyll a look of sheer exhaustion. “…They sincerely want to meet at half eight in the morning? I hope they plan to come bearing breakfast.”

He was only halfway serious, of course, but serious nonetheless. Even surface-dwelling deep gnomes — more used to the sun though they were — remained naturally averse to pre-noon activities, especially when deprived of much needed breakfast and tea."

Main POV: Barcus

Thoughts:

Barcus Wroot really shows off his Steampunk Bilbo Baggins side in this fic. To the pleasure of everyone but himself. His social anxiety in this fic is very real, and very relatable. There's a lot of secondhand stress to be had watching him get caught in the endless loop of anxiety and avoidance. He wants to do right by the Ironhands but he's struggling in his new leadership role.

Someone who's not struggling with their leadership role (or at least not obviously) Duke Wyll Ravengard! Who responds to Barcus' avoidance with delightfully cheery passive aggressiveness. I cannot emphasize how iconic he is in this fic. The patience with which he calls out Barcus' bad behavior while acting absolutely charming and accommodating the whole time. It was such a delight to read. And had me grinning from ear to ear even as Barcus shriveled in embarrassment. This is the Wyll and Barcus friendship I've been wanting.

As for this fic's primary ship. Zanner is so sweet in this fic. He's clearly very into Barcus from the get go. And poor Barcus is very overwhelmed by this fact. It's such a brilliant way to build up romantic and personal tension. It feels so bad when Barcus' anxiety and history with Wulbren gets in the way, but it also feels very understandable. Zanner is giving Barcus everything he ever wanted from Wulbren and after so many years of rejection, getting what he wants is absolutely terrifying for Barcus.

This fic so far was an absolute page turner, I couldn't put it down. The political and social tension in Barcus' life makes me want to keep reading. I cannot wait for the next chapter.

Who I'd recommend this fic to: Barcus Wroot fans, if you wanted more follow up on the Gondian-Ironhand relationship after Barcus took over, this is the fic for you.

How Unsatisfied Would I Be If This Never Updated Again?: I'll be honest here, this fic is on the hurt part of the hurt/comfort at the moment. The hurt is delicious, it's so true to the character and realistic. But it's currently left at the "awwww I'm disappointed in the character's actions, I want to see them do better" stage. It would be rough not knowing where this story goes, not gonna lie. But the set up so far is absolutely brilliant.