#but nah i'd never personally attempt it at this point

[torakowalski]

Apols for the delay but Swimmer Steve is back and pretty much exactly where we last left him.

(part one | part six)

"Fuck," says Steve. "Fuck." He hasn't said much of anything else since he came out of the changing rooms, still damp and kind of stunned-looking.

"Fuck," Eddie agrees.

Steve looks at him, a smile starting to spread across his face, going on and on like it might be endless.

God, he's handsome.

God, Eddie is stupid in love with him.

"Olympics, baby!" Eddie crows. They've already hugged; Steve got a hug from everyone, as soon as he emerged. Eddie wants to hug him again, but that would probably be too much.

"Fuck," says Steve and sits down on the floor between their two beds.

Eddie shrugs to himself and sits down with him.

They've only come back to the hotel so Steve can get showered and changed before the celebration dinner that the kids have planned. Or, actually, Steve has come back to the hotel for that; thinking about it, Eddie's not sure why he came with, except that it just felt natural.

Either way, looks like they're going to take longer than expected.

"All good?" Eddie asks, just in case.

"Jesus Christ," says Steve, which is a change from fuck and laughs. He lifts his hands up to cover his face and when he lowers them again, his eyes are wet. "The Olympics, Eddie."

Eddie nods, can't do anything but smile stupidly back at him. He doesn't think he's ever seen Steve this open and relaxed and delighted. "The Olympics, Steve."

Steve rubs at his eyes with his fingertips, mostly just making his eyelashes damper and darker from his happy tears. "You know when you've wanted something your whole damn life, but you never really thought you'd get it? It feels fucking wild to get it."

Eddie thinks about his guitar, his band, how badly he wants to stand on a stage looking out at thousands of people who all want to hear what he has to sing. Then he reminds himself that this is Steve's moment.

"I bet," he says. "Congrats. You've worked damn hard and you absolutely deserve it."

Steve leans over and bumps their shoulders together. "You're coming with me, right?"

Eddie blinks. "Where?"

"... the Olympics," says Steve, like it should be obvious.

Eddie blinks some more. "Steve. Sweetheart. Steve. The Olympics are in Korea."

"Mm," Steve agrees, "but the war's over, it's totally safe there now."

Eddie loves and hates that Steve thinks that might be the only thing putting Eddie off.

Eddie stretches his legs out so they disappear under Steve's bed and hopes there's nothing really gross under there that'll stick to his jeans. "Look, the literal only reason I've been able to afford rocking up and down the country with you is government hush money and the fact you keep buying all my meals. There's no way I can stretch to plane tickets, and I'd need my own hotel room, right? 'cause you'll be living in the athletes village?"

He could have kept going, obviously he could have kept going, but he stops there because Steve is waving a hand at him.

"What? Don't say you'll pay. There's no way you have that much extra cash, either."

"Nah," Steve says, "but my dad does. And I will be fully, fully back on the credit card, after he finds out about this."

Eddie makes a face. "But we hate your dad?"

"We really do," Steve agrees, smile not even dimming. "But we love spending his money on shit he'll hate." He drops a hand to Eddie's knee, giving it a squeeze and a shake. "You'll come, right?"

"... You should take Robin," Eddie tries, one last attempt to be a good person. "Or the kids. God, the kids would shit."

Steve leaves his hand on Eddie's knee, like that's just a place where it goes now. "I'd take them all, if I could... Plus like, all their parents to keep an eye on them, but they'll all be back in school by the time the Olympics start. None of them can take like, three weeks out."

"I bet Erica could wrangle it," Eddie points out.

Steve makes a guilty face. "Love Erica, but I don't think we have the kind of relationship where we hop over to Asia, just the two of us. You know?"

Eddie wants to ask, And we do? But they do. He knows they do.

"I don't know," he says. It's a big fucking deal. He's never left the country before and he'd love to, but he really does hate Steve's dad and all he chooses to be. The idea of being beholden to him for that big a favour sits wrong in his gut, even if Mr Harrington never actually knows about it.

"Eddie," Steve says, like he's prepared to wheedle for what he wants. Then he stops, takes a breath, shakes his head. "I know it's a big ask and obviously you don't have to, if you really don't want to. I kind of just, I can't, I can't imagine doing this without you."

Eddie claps a hand to his chest. "Right in the flattery gland, Harrington."

Steve slides his hand up Eddie's leg and squeezes his thigh. Is this going to be a thing? Is Eddie going to have to get Robin to have a word with him about this soon?

"You're the whole reason I've got this far," Steve tells him, all close and sincere. "If you don't want to come, that'll suck, but it's okay. I just wanna make sure that you know I appreciate everything you've done."

Eddie knows every mole on Steve's face, but Steve's close enough now to reveal a few previously unknown freckles.

Eddie chuckles weakly. "Personal space?" he suggests.

"Overrated," Steve says and then.

And then.

And then he presses his lips carefully against Eddie's.

"What?" Eddie croaks. He can feel his breath dance off Steve's mouth.

"Thank you," Steve says and kisses him again, a little firmer, a little damper this time.

"I..." Eddie is a goddamn fucking hero because he makes himself lean back. "Don't. You can't. Don't kiss me to say thank you. That's not... Don't. Please."

He's expecting Steve to sit back, blush and apologise and explain he had to best of intentions. Instead, Steve lifts the hand not on Eddie's thigh and touches his cheek. "Can I kiss you 'cause I can't imagine not kissing you?"

The centre of Eddie's chest throbs. Even he doesn't know what that means. "You don't want to kiss me," he manages.

"Kinda really do," Steve says. "So? Can I?"

(continued here)

[mulletmitsuya]

Tokyo Revengers Groupchat (not everyone, also random combinations, no specific gang)

Warnings: swearing, suggestive, homophobia by a gay person (just sillies), mentions of vomit and poison, mentions of drugs

Desc: placenta, placebo, or gazebo? 🤔

Rindou: yk when you tell someone something then they believe it and it works?

Rindou: like what you're saying isn't true but cause they think it is, it works

Ran: yes

Ran: the placenta effect

Izana: here we fucking go

Smiley: you're kidding right?😁

Ran: are you going to put a Smiley face after every single thing you text?

Ran: we get it, you smile really wide 👍

Smiley: kys

Ran: so hostile and for what

Mikey: idk what the word is but it's definitely not placenta

Izana: how even?

Mitsuya: ...the placebo effect??

Ran: isn't that those huge tent things

Mitsuya: that's a gazebo

Ran: oh

Ran: same thing

Smiley: you dumb as hell

Hakkai: you'd think that big ass forhead of yours would be worth something

Hakkai: smh

Ran: and you'd think after 10 years you'd get over whatever grudge you have against me

Hakkai: you literally hit my best friend (future bf) over the head with a brick

Chifuyu: thought you could sneak that in huh

Hakkai: he could have died

Ran: but he didn't?

Ran: i was just being silly and having fun

Ran: is that such a crime🙄

Hakkai: ITS FUCKING ATTEMPTED MURDER

Rindou: so is it placebo, placenta, or gazebo?

Mitsuya: it's placebo

Kazutora: placenta's are in females stomachs for pregnancy i think

Baji: that's the uterus (i'm so fucking smart)

Chifuyu: none of those are correct

Draken: google exists also

Draken: why are you asking us

Rindou: shut up for a sec

Rindou: would the placenta effect potentially kill someone

Rindou: like if you told someone that you poisoned them and then after a while they start frothing at the mouth and shit, could they die?

Rindou: or are they being a little bitch and faking lol

Rindou: i didn't actually put the rat poison in his drink (i think)

Rindou: but it kinda seems like he's dying or smth

Mikey: what the fuck is this situation

Mikey: is this real?💀

Rindou: nah

Rindou: hypothetically

Ran: does this have to do with the ambulance being here

Rindou: nah

Rindou: can y'all just answer me

Rindou: hurry before the "poison", does it's job or whatever

Rindou: guys he's throwing up pretty violently

Rindou: there's blood

Rindou: hypothetically

Izana: who would you have "hypothetically" poisoned?😐

Rindou: bro that's not the point, sir

Izana: stop calling me sir in normal situations

Izana: we're normal now and not in a gang and i'm a normal person not a gang leader

Mochi: so we don't have to call you Izana-sama anymore?

Ran: what if it turns us on

Izana: uhm

Kakucho: fuck off

Kakucho: sorry

Ran: Kaku give it up, he's way too old for you

Rindou: so y'all just gonna let the hypothetical person die? ayt

Rindou: i'm on my way to the hospital for unrelated reasons

Kakucho: who's the hypothetical victim of the placebo

Rindou: uhhh Sanzu

Kakucho: LMAO

Kakucho: let him hypothetically die then 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Mitsuya: punch him in the stomach

Rindou: i know a lot of y'all don't like him but we're friends now and i don't want him to die also he has the best drugs so i'd rather he stay alive so that i can enjoy them recreationally

Rindou: but i'll do it anyway

Mitsuya: stfu for a sex, punching him will make him throw up, and he'll vomit most of the poison out

Rindou: oh like in the stomach?

Rindou: he's gonna be so mad at me, damn

Baji: "shut up for a sex" lmaoooooo🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Baji: and you guys say I'M diabetic💀💀

Mikey: bro what?😭

Kakucho: you mean dyslexic?

Kakucho: nvm the situation speaks for itself

Smiley: the irony of this is crazy

Draken: that got a chuckle outta me 😂

Chifuyu: why you text like a 40 year old dad💀

Ran: i never went to school but even i know that's incorrect

Hakkai: "i never went to school but even i know that's incorrect 🤓👆"

Hakkai: jump into oncoming tragic you f slur🖕

Smiley: aur naur you done made Hakkai homophobic

Ran: you need to fucking chill omg

Mitsuya: are you five years old, Baji

Baji: nah i'm 24 dumbness🤨

Baji: *dumbass

Izana: my oath for not using violence anymore might have to be on hold cause you guys are pissing me the fuck off you fucking incompetent fools useless excuses of human beings

Smiley: bro called us fools

Ran: that's a bit much, sir

Baji: bet you're typing with your left hand

Ran: uh huh <3

Rindou: get some fucking bitches, damn

Ran: where are your bitches, Rindou

Rindou: on my dick

Ran: oh you're talking about the femboys?

Ran: ohh ok i thought you weren't gay but whatever

Mikey: yo is haruchiyo alive?

Rindou: they're pumping his stomach, he'll be fine

Rindou: liking femboys isn't gay

Smiley: 🤨

Angry: 🤨

Rindou: don't act dumb because it's literally in the term 'fem'

Draken: uh, what about the 'boy' part

Rindou: don't twist my words

Rindou: how is liking something that looks like a girl, gay??

Mitsuya: bffr 😐

Rindou: y'all telling me if i fuck haruchiyo i'm gay???

Hakkai: he's a boy?

Rindou: he looks like a woman

Rindou: have you seen his body? tiny ass waist headass. y'all come to the onsen next time you'll see what i mean

Chifuyu: you're being weird rn

Ran: what about his penis, Rindou

Rindou: that's irrelevant

Rindou: besides it's barely noticeable

Draken: people like you and Koko are the fucking problem, get some therapy

Smiley: Rindou thinks fucking a guy in the ass isn't gay 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Rindou: "FEM"

Draken: BOY???? MALE??? MAN??? DICK???

Rindou: ok who's gay now, weirdo🤨

Draken: kys (kill yourself)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for lying to my friends and causing someone to end their life?

🫐☎️🧼 

So I can find this later

Trigger warning for suicide. 

In this situation I'm aware I fucked up badly multiple times, but I want to know for sure whether I was in the wrong. I went through the FAQ to check that this submission is okay and sorry if there's something disqualifying it I didn catch!

I (minor) was active in an online group where I made some online friends. The group was for preteens, teens, and very young adults (13-21.) I befriended one person, Blueberry (fake name, because emoji) and we became close over a few months. At one point they admitted they had a crush on me I didn't feel the same, but we agreed to stay friends and it didn't affect the friendship.

One thing about this group is that it was aimed at mental health. Me and this person had similar problems with depression and suicidal thoughts (both actively suicidal) and often talked when one of us was in a dark place. When Blueberry turned 18 things took a turn for the worst. Multiple times a week they had panic attacks (they were in the process of getting diagnosed with OCD and bad intrusive thoughts) or crisis and attempted several times. I got overwhelmed. Instead of establishing a boundary like I should have, I started ghosting them for a few hours if it got too bad. It got to the point I'd log on once or twice a day to check in, but instead of ever chatting, the conversation always ended in their next plan to kill themselves. This one was my fault, as we'd had casual convos about this stuff in the main group. I and others did what we could to help, like providing support and helplines. Blueberry did contact many and it saved them lots. 

By this point Blueberry had done lots of other risky stuff. They lashed out and blocked a lot of mutual friends, made a fake account to pretend to be a young teen at one point (but deleted it when I asked), and other things. I didn't want to lose them as a friend so I covered for Blueberry when it was exposed. I should point out Blueberry was never mean to me they were really nice. They liked to learn about my interests and complimented me and others lots and I tried to do the same (learn about what they liked, tell them I was happy to hear from them, etx)

Obviously people of the group felt betrayed when they found out Blueberry was catfishing them as this younger teen. In Blueberry's own words, I was "the only one they could trust." Blueberry admitted again that they wanted to be more than friends, but since they were now 18 and I was still a few years younger than them I asked to just be friends because the age gap was uncomfy. They were okay with it. The next day, Blueberry said goodbye to me and deleted their account. I was really upset by this and we talked one last time where I wished them well and said how much I'd miss them but didn't think something was seriously wrong because Blueberry and me had discussed them leaving the group before because it was hurting their mental health. 

Later a friend of both Blueberry and me reached out about their behavior the days before they left and some conversations I hadn't seen. All of us are pretty sure they didn't just delete their account��they killed themself. The goodbye message proved this. I was upset and angry that they were dead, said sorry to the group for lying to them about Blueberry catfishing, and left the group.

I think I may be the asshole here because I was really selfish here in not wanting to address Blueberry's really creepy catfishing (pretending to be a young teen, which knowing that they had romantic feelings for me could have led to them befriending people lots younger than them which is bad) because I didn't want to lose the friendship, and also because if I hadn't ghosted Blueberry using mental health as an excuse I don't think they would have killed themselves. If I am the asshole here, what could I do better next time if I have a similar problem again? 

[m4ycrowave]

Love you art, did you ever go anywhere with that sbi heroes au with Tommy becoming a villain to get their attention?

Firstly I completely forgot that asks were a thing for a while so I'm going to answer this now I am SO SORRY I'M SO SORRY I TOOK SO LONG thank you so much for being interested in my silly ideas

TO answer your question of.. I don't know how long ago you sent this I'm sorry, nah, I mean I had an idea that I'll put bellow but for the most part it was always just meant to be a one time thing, since in my opinion superhero AUs were used and done a lot to the point where I didn't feel my personal au added anything original enough to really turn it into something more

Also I just didn't feel like it 😭

BUT I did let my mind wander and came up w some plot ideas back then so here you go:

Phil, for some reason I never thought of, started working for the hero committee, mainly for money to support his family because while it was very dangerous it payed well, and then Techno & Wilbur when they get older noticed how overworked Phil is and how he keeps putting himself in danger and so to help out their dad they start helping him out.

Tommy always admired the hero Phil presents himself as, but he never really knew that it was his dad, nor that ANY of his family were heroes.

SBI neglected tommy (without meaning to but they still did) because they were quickly climbing up the ranks as best heroes and the committee likes money or whatevs so they kept getting more cases each more complicated than the last cuz the government was like "instead of risking our lives let's let them handle it"

Tommy is eventually told his family's secret (on his 15th birthday) and this makes him hopeful that something Will change,,, yeah no, they still have to leave but this time Tommy just takes it even worse because before he thought they either didn't like him or were actually busy, but now it's worse because it turns out his family are the TOP THREE HEROES (though if I were working on it nowadays I'd change this so they're a bit lower rank yet still on the top heroes ranks, but not top top)

they can literally get out of work if they want they're the most beloved heroes and surely they earn enough so that means they're just having so much fun being heroes that hanging out with tommy isn't worth it (this isn't really true, but Tommy's a bit of unreliable narrator in this)

Then the plan somehow forms of Tommy doing villainous acts to encounter SBI, it works the first few times because all he does is like, tag along with them as they're busy (mainly Wilbur), and SBI think he's a vigilante who's just a big fan and they entertain him.

Eventually they stop paying attention to him because they start getting scolded by the committee to stop wasting time (Phil is mainly the one who gets scolded and pulls back, he's polite in doing so but a bit cold when tommy(vigilante mode) keeps pushing, Techno didn't care for this mysterious fanboy in the first place, Wilbur is having fun but still lightly rejects Tommy's (vigilante mode) attempts at hanging out after a while)

They also stop paying attention to him when they realize that his 'villanous acts' aren't anything that crazy that some of the top heroes need to monitor him, if anything it's just like, breaking windows of abandoned places and graffiti on walls about how SBI suck and how the hero committee is trash

After SBI stop spending time w him even as a vigilante Tommy grows desperate, getting more and more reckless with his acts, and meanwhile in his real life he's avoiding his family as much as he can because the shame and disgust he feels at the fact that his family just keep on putting on a kind face when he knows they want nothing to do with him makes him want to punch a whole in a wall

Turbo & Ranboo are there (BENCHTRIO.. 😭)

With Ranboo being concerned but deciding not to get involved because it's not like Tommy's "actually putting anyone in danger" and with Tubbo just backing Tommy up in whatever crazy shit he decides to do, but also calling Tommy a dumbass when he gets himself hurt or when he actually does start endangering people

Things start to escalate as Tommy gets more and more desperate to spend time w SBI, who by that point are warming up to him (his vigilante (?) Villain (?) Self), but they keep getting told by their superiors not to engage and Tommy's just constantly chasing any sort of what he perceives as affection from his family, which is the annoyance that starts to show up on their faces when he's there but it doesn't matter because they don't /leave/, they still dismiss him, but with the mask, he can be himself without being scared that he'll scare them away, because if they get far enough away form him he can just keep causing problems and have them scold him and have a reason for them to spend time with him and notice him

So basically it's Tommy's decent into becoming genuinely self destructive and dangerous out of just wanting to be noticed and loved by his family, his heroes. And the more SBI push him away without noticing what they're doing, the worse he's getting.

And that's just the ideas I had for Tommy himself! But yeah, sorry it was so much text ;(

This is the au the person's talking about btw:

[ocular-intercourse]

The historian ones sound like gyo, but I'm really into Finn these days... but I'm not so cruel to say all the questions, so I'll let you pick :)))

no. 5: letters between two of your OC’s companions about them

(i used a random nr generator cause i need it selected for me or i won't ever finish it lol)

or in this case, messages between shawn & randy about finn, who's streaming a concert of some songs he and his friends wrote in highschool over twitch

R: DUUDE ARE YOU WATCHING TJIS??

S: watching what

R: finn's stream

R: ?

S: hang on

R: you good?

S: watching now

S: hey what the fuck

R: yeahc

R: like

R: one of the first things you ever told me about finn was to not let him do vocals for the band or i'd be out of a job

R: i get it now, you weren't joking even a little

S: yeah no he's GOOD good, i had the pleasure of hearing him sing all the time when we were dating but man

S: wasn't prepared for that uh

S: presence? but also i'm biased so maybe that's just me

R: heh yeah scale of 1 to 10 how much does it kill you seeing him like this

R: not just you btw he's like.. fucking magnetic on a stage, it's wild to see

S: oh yeah, 10, easy

S: you know i was already head over heels for the guy before he became

S: you know, all that

R: rich? quasi famous?

S: ripped

R: oh yeah, that

S: no but seriously, like.. even more charismatic? like damn, a fulfilling career really does that huh

S: i mean i'm happy he still talks to me after everything but it's legit torture sometimes when he's, like, right there

R: you know you could totally get him back

S: bullshit

R: nah i'm setious

R: serious

R: i have reliable sources

S: randy don't fuck withme on this istg

R: i'm not, dude, i swear, i know everybody is all pussyfooting around the topic but

R: everybody can see how in love the two of you still are anytime ypu are in a room together and it's not even subtle

R: and i haven't seen either of you ever look at anybody else like that

R: no offense to connor, my dude, but it's pretty obvious it's like.. not the same

R: like you guys, when you were together, you legit made me believe in love and shit cause i've never seen two people so desperately in love with each other before in a way that's not like.. instagram filter fsbricated bullshit

R: and maybe i just wanna see two of my best friends be that happy again you know, but fuck, it legit seems like.. a cosmic error, like thats just not how it should be, when you're not together, you know?

R: ?

R: did the stream finally kill you or..?

R: okay fine, fucking stew in it for a while you know i'm right

S: you don't know shit

R: oh he lives

S: it's not that simple, man

R: how so? cause you have a bf? ppl break up all the time dude

S: oh yeah, and that always goes SO smoothly

S: but that's not even the point man

S: i hurt him. bad. when he left he made it very clear he never wanted to see me again, and for good reason too

S: so maybe he took that back by now but i'm still fucking lucky he wants to talk to me at all

S: there's just so much baggage

S: i doubt he'd want to go through all of that again

S: especially now where he can just basically have his pick

R: yeah he doesn't, though, have you noticed? not a date in sight

S: he's busy..

R: he's pining. for you, you walnut, he's so not over you and it's been what, like 2 years? 3?

S: if anything that's a sign of just how badly i messed him up, fuck man

R: shawn, i love you but my god

R: finn is not the kind of person to play nice when he does not mean to and yet anytime i see you guys together you are practically glued together in some corner making hearteyes at each other in a thinly veiled attempt of friendship

R: you know what, i fucking bet i could have this chat with him and he'd simultaneously tell me about how he still loves you but he'd hurt you too much and you deserve better

R: and you're just gonna be stuck in a circlejerk of who of you can shoulder more unnecessary guilt forever and ever

R: OR

R: you could just listen to me when i tell you i have it on GOOD AUTHORITY that the man is still in love with you

S: wait hang on

S: you mean that literally?

S: who's authority

R: :)

S: randy i swear to fucking god you cannot mess with me about this

R: okay listen

R: i'm breaking confidence here but man somebody's gotta

R: he's too scared of messing things up again and you know how much he loves to feel responsible for just about every bad thing that has ever happened around him

R: so he isn't gonna act cause he doesn't think he deserves to disrupt your live anymore not now that your're like, clean or whatever, you know, doing good

R: cause in his mind maybe that's cause he's not been part of your life idk man you know how he gets

R: but legitimately, we were talking about tthe possibility of dating again

R: and he said

R: that he had a hard time dating cause whenever he tries to picture being with someone to try and figure out what he'd even be looking for

R: he pictures being with you

R: and that'd not be super fair to the people he'd be dating i guess, so he just doesn't

R: so there's that

R: processing again i see

R: it's okay take your time

S: that makes no sense

S: like

R: okay before you go all: how could he still want me, consider that your brain is just as fucked as his with this self flaggelation bullshit

R: have you ever given it a thought that he did not actually WANT to leave you when he did? like he wasn't unhappy about being with you

R: the circumstance made him leave to like, protect himself, but that was not about being with you in general, it's not like he fell out of love or whatever makes ppl break up usually

R: i think he still hasn't

S: oh

R: yeah, oh

R: now go do something about it, dipshit

[gracegrove]

Whether you're talking about a fictional character (Billy) or an actual person...

How can you say, "I don't think his abusive, racist, misogynistic behavior would have improved with time--because he didn't see it as a problem. You have to want to change."

How did you know he didn't want to change? Why are you so damn certain he's incapable of change? He's literally only 18 and has the rest of his entire life to change. You think he's honestly gonna sit there and be like, "nah this is fine. I'm set. I like everything just the way it is." And never once contemplate or attempt a change.

Every person attempts change on some level. Not everyone makes big ground shaking changes. Not everyone gets to a point that is satisfactory to others. That's not the point.

When you are around real people and/or work with real people and use this language guess what happens? It makes them feel incapable. It feels undermining. It helps solidify and corner them into a box they may not want to necessarily stay or be in.

I've worked with clients with records. Clients who've said outright sexist and bigoted things in front of me and at times directed towards me. But I continued to work with them. Guess why? Because if I were to leave in that instance, I'd only be proving a point. A single point. That again there's this giant narrative of "no one believes in you", "you clearly don't want help", "you're irredeemable", etc.

You don't kick someone when they're already down and then say, "gosh well, you don't even wanna get back up do you? You have to really want it?" Why should they want it or try harder when they're expecting more people like you to kick them right back to the floor again. Google "labeling theory", it might be helpful.

There's an therapeutic approach called Motivational Interviewing, and its main tenant is that change is facilitated by and comes from the client alone. It helps a client who is already well aware of people around them telling them to change, or societal expectations, or maybe more simply they have considered personally making changes themselves whether it's something like smoking cessation, substance use /harm reduction, emotional management, or wanting to make other behavioral changes but they haven't because they're not sure what such a change would mean or look like in their lives. So they sit on the fence. They become ambivalent.

The only job the therapist has in this is to help the client lay all this out. To discuss it and weigh each side. To examine what making changes or no changes would mean. Ultimately the goal is to help the client reach a state of active change. So that the client can begin new parts of their life and continue moving forward. But if someone isn't ready, then they're not and that's also ok.

If you immediately shut down on a fictional character because their story wasn't insightful enough for you to glean any empathy that they were capable of change, how do you or will you tolerate the overall change process that real people have? Because it's an arduous one. It takes time, it doesn't sprout up overnight. And half of it is because those people themselves were repeatedly told that they couldn't change either.

So stop contributing to the ambivalence or the stagnancy and start contributing to the change.

[noroi1000]

I'm Sorry

paring: Gojo x reader (Murderer) x Geto

Words: 4,5k

Warnings: death, murders (poisoning, stabbing), suicide attempts (attempted stabbing, attempted poisoning, attempted drug overdose), depression, drug overdose, broken heart

Summary: you were loved. But Suguru wanted to break up with you for your sake. You killed him... Satoru pulled you out of your depression, however, for your sake, he broke up with you. You killed him too. And you didn't want to live anymore. But they won't let you die. Because they hurt you the most.

"I'm sorry I wasn't good enough for you..." he said weakly as pain tore through his stomach. "I know an apology can't fix the fact that I broke your heart... I-I... I-I always... I always loved you... I don't... I don't want you to suffer because of me..."

You looked at his loving eyes. Tears flowed from your eyes as he pulled your hand, driving the knife deeper into his flesh.

"If it's... If it's meant to be... My punishment... I'll accept it... Provided... That you'll be happy afterwards...

Nah... It was something you wanted.

You wanted to be happy...

But when something was taken from you before you had it, you didn't want to live anymore. And you also wanted to punish him for making you suffer.

And after the death of your beloved, you will not be able to live either. With remorse. So you wanted to kill him as well as yourself.

But he interrupted you... by making the only person who died was him...

"You're beautiful."

You looked at your boyfriend who was sitting next to you, rubbing your cheek with his fingers.

With a small blush, you saw his purple eyes sparkle, showing you love.

You hugged his hand with a small smile.

"I would like to see you anytime."

"If I could, I'd go to school with you." You said, moving closer to him.

You rested your head on his chest, staring at the grass in front of you.

Going to the meadow with him was a good idea.

He sat next to you, wrapping his protective arm around you as you cuddled up to him.

"I don't want you to have to do this. Being a sorcerer is really bad for someone who wasn't born a sorcerer. I don't want you to be an assistant or a sorcerer who fights curses without even seeing it."

"I don't want to see you only once a week..." you said sadly.

"Oh baby, I love you. I don't mind going to your place every weekend. Don't destroy your dreams for me."

"I love you..." You said grabbing his other hand.

"When I finish school, we will see each other more often. You are my happiness. And I will do everything to make you happy~."

So why didn't he?

By the time he graduated, you weren't dating at all...

And you guessed why it happened...

You weren't a sorcerer...

And you couldn't be there with him when his thoughts and actions changed.

Instead of saving people's lives, he was taking it.

And you took away the joy of life...

He took everything from you...

"I didn't expect you to come today. Today is Wednesday, not Friday." You said with a smile as you let him into your new apartment.

A few months ago you turned 18, and you got this apartment. However, he has only been here a few times.

He walked in with a sad face. And his expression deepened as you hugged and kissed him to say hello.

He didn't mind. He wanted it. He wanted your touch. And your love.

However, for your safety, he could no longer take it from you.

You can't be together. If you were together, he would loathe you. You were not a sorcerer. You had nothing to do with sorcerers. There was no way to even change it. You were just an ordinary person. Just like when he met you.

He would hurt you just by his presence. Because even if he loved you that much, he could never accept the difference between you two.

He would run away from your touch.

There's also a chance that at some point he would have killed you. Like any other human.

He didn't want it.

He wanted you to live in this world. Separately. Maybe even with someone else. So that he has time to come up with something that will make you have at least a little bit of cursed energy.

"Is something wrong?" You asked as you pulled your head away from his chest.

He didn't answer you.

His hands didn't move to touch you.

He didn't look at you.

"I'm just here to tell you something."

"What is that?"

"I'm sorry..."

"Why are you apologizing? Sugu? Is something wrong? Tell me."

"We can not be together..."

"What?"

Your world stopped when you heard those words.

"We can't be together." He said a second time. More firmly. As if saying it the first time gave him at least some courage.

"Suguru...?"

"You're not my girlfriend... We're not together..." he said and moved your hands away from his body.

However, he held your hands a little longer.

But when he finally let go, you felt cold.

"I don't... I don't want..." the words were heavy in his throat. "I don't want us to be together..."

"Suguru..."

You reached for him but he pulled away.

Your heart broke at that moment.

"Don't come near me... Don't touch me..."

Tears flowed from your eyes. And then you took a step back from him.

You knew it would be...

"Why...?" you groaned shivering.

"...You're not a sorcerer... I don't want someone who is completely different from me..."

"you're lying! You always told me not to change for you! I wanted you to change something in me! Whatever! But you didn't want me to be that!"

"Apparently I've changed my mind." He said with an expression on his face as if he didn't care. No emotion. However, his psyche was falling apart.

It made you feel like he poured a bucket of ice water over you.

"I hate non-sorcerers... So I hate you too..."

Even though he was doing it to protect you, he couldn't protect himself from feeling the pain.

He wanted to hug you. Comfort and wipe your tears.

However... It was too late.

The old glow in your eyes is gone. There was sadness and hatred towards him.

"I hate you..." you whispered. "You're a goddamn liar... I hate you!"

"..."

"Go away! Get out and never see me again! Leave me! Because that's all you can do! All you can do is reject me!... Just... Just get out of my life already..."

You didn't hear his soft words "I'm sorry."

Because standing at your door, all he heard was you crying. Broken glass and the sound of impacts.

And your hands bled as you threw picture frames against the wall. Falling on the glass when you tore your pictures.

Something that signaled you would be happy.

However, that did not happen.

You didn't get lucky from him...

Your house was locked.

The curtains were drawn for the next month.

You only left the house to do some shopping.

Still, all the food you ate you threw down the toilet. Vomiting as your stomach rejected food. By refusing to obey you.

You ate small meals when you felt up to it.

You couldn't sleep.

And when you slept, you spent your nights on the couch.

Because you couldn't sleep in the bed you slept in together.

You were getting messages from your friends all the time.

From your old friends...

They wrote to you that since you ignored them and didn't answer them, it was the end of your friendship.

You no longer had anyone close to your heart.

Your depression even made you kill yourself. Put an end to your torments in this world. However, when you were holding the knife, you stopped.

And you thought that since you were suffering, you could also make him pay for it.

And you will die together...

You invited him home. Saying you found something he'd like to take. Because he left something more important with you.

Yes. He left memories there... And you.

And you wanted to end it. To teach him a lesson and also to end your suffering.

When he came and closed the door, you walked over to him, handing him the keys to his house that he gave you once. Saying that if you were around, you should come to him. Because his apartment was your home. Even if he wasn't there often when he was at school.

You handed it back to him and he just looked sadly at your expressionless face.

You didn't answer.

And the moment you got close seemed to pass. Because now you were closest to him when you gave him the keys. And now you're getting further.

You weren't able to attack him with a knife... You just can't do it right now...

If he left right away, you probably wouldn't be persuaded to do it.

However, he was standing there. And he responded...

"Everything's all right?" he asked gently. Especially since he's seen your house so dark.

You're a little messy, there's a crumpled blanket on the couch.

Unfinished food in the kitchen.

You were paler than any time he saw you. There were dark circles under your eyes. You looked very weak...

It was so quiet. so empty...

Your hands were shaking.

And your eyes were dark. Didn't see any glow...

Light was provided by lamps in the living room and kitchen.

You didn't let daylight on you.

You didn't answer him and turned around without a word.

You don't want to kill him...

But you're so angry...

You hoped he'd leave before you made up your mind.

You walked to the kitchen, grabbing a glass of dissolved sedative.

If you do, you'll be a killer...

You will kill the man you love so much...

And you will also kill yourself...

So either way you're going to hell...

He followed you instead of leaving.

And he watched you slowly drink the slightly pink liquid from the medicine.

He also saw other drug containers.

Vitamins, painkillers, sleeping pills and sedatives.

He saw what happened...

You became so depressed that you sought any help from medication. To fall asleep, to calm down. To soothe the pain. And that you don't get worse. That's why you ate and drank extra vitamins.

He was wondering if you overdosed on those drugs.

He also saw an empty alcohol bottle.

You were drinking your depression away, no matter if it made you feel worse.

The disgusting bitter taste combined with the false warmth made him vomit up all the alcohol you drank. At least you didn't do it with drugs.

And that sometimes allowed you to sleep normally.

As you set your glass down, he walked over to you, putting his hand on your shoulder.

He thought you'd be better.

He didn't know you'd take it so badly.

"You need help?" he asked gently. Causing tears to flow from your eyes.

And he hugged you.

Your shoulders relaxed, however your body acted instinctively.

You grabbed a knife...

As you regained awareness of your mind, Suguru's hands held you weakly.

And at one point he fell to the floor, sitting leaning against the wall.

A pool of blood formed around him.

More and more.

You sat on your thighs with tears streaming down your cheeks, feeling hot blood seeping into your pants.

You laid your head on his shoulder without saying a word, hugging him for a moment.

And then you pulled away, and you pulled the blade very slowly out of him.

Watching him wince in pain as more blood seeps from the gash in his stomach. It was a really deep wound...

You pointed the knife at you, intending to drive it under your chest.

Punishment for him for making you suffer. Your punishment for killing him.

As you are about to pull the knife, his hand appeared on the blade. His hand was cut as he held the metal between his fingers, holding you back.

And then he reached for your hands with his other hand, and reversed the direction of the knife while you were distracted.

He yanked your hands hard, causing the knife to dig into his stomach, widening the wound.

He let out a pained groan.

You couldn't look at his face normally as fresh blood began to flow from the corner of his mouth.

However... It was your plan...

"This knife wound belongs only to me..." he groaned. "You can't... I totally get you... I hate myself for that too..."

You felt his fingers tighten around your hand.

"I'm sorry I wasn't good enough for you..." he said weakly as pain tore through his stomach. "I know an apology can't fix the fact that I broke your heart... I-I... I-I always... I always loved you... I don't... I don't want you to suffer because of me..."

You looked at his loving eyes. Tears flowed from your eyes as he pulled your hand, driving the knife deeper into his flesh.

"If it's... If it's meant to be... My punishment... I'll accept it... Provided... That you'll be happy afterwards...

His breathing was heavy as he spoke.

You saw that his eyes were cloudier.

"... I did it... For your... Safety... But I'm glad... That it... will end like this... I deserved it... Gasp... From the moment I said... That I... Hate you... But I... I still... Love you... Cough..."

"I only want one thing... From you... Promise me something... Promise that after I die... That you will find happiness...

After he gave his last breath, you lay on his body crying even more.

You hugged him, feeling his warmth for the next hour. Until his body grew colder and colder...

you hate him. But you still love him.

His last words are an apology...

He put his hands on you, hugging you and whispering apologies. Before he fell asleep. And he didn't struggle at all to break free from the confines of eternal sleep.

The only person who was interested in you was Satoru...

After everyone left you, he asked if you were okay.

The only person.

He invited you to a meeting. Because he knew you were in pain after Suguru left.

But he didn't know about his death.

And he also didn't know that you buried his dead body. Burying it in the meadow where you two used to spend time together.

It was hard for you to get him there, but you made it. And you gave him the funeral he deserved.

You loved him, but you hated him.

He was lying under grass and flowers, without a tombstone. Where only you knew where he was.

And that's why you visited that place.

You didn't know that at one point you were held by hands.

Satoru was your best friend. Just like he was the same for Suguru.

And for a year, he managed to pull you out of your depression.

He was your boyfriend.

You fell in love with him as much as you fell in love with Suguru.

He loved you too.

But you couldn't forget your love for Suguru.

Then it was in you.

However, you loved Satoru now, and he was giving you feelings.

you were happy.

But you didn't like that too often you were alone for a few days or even longer. He went on missions and did various things.

Your apartment you had has been sold.

Because you couldn't live with him where his best friend died. He died at your hands.

He still doesn't know why you go to your hometown to go one meadow.

He figured it was a sentimental place for you. So he let you.

When you washed the blood off your hands and the walls of your apartment, you wanted to find happiness. You promised it to your ex-boyfriend.

you were happy...

However, it didn't last as long as you wanted...

Satoru also had reasons to break up with you.

Again for your safety. mental.

He left you home alone too often. And it doesn't matter that he loved you so much. He couldn't give you a completely normal relationship.

Because he was on missions too often.

So once he came home after a mission, you were glad he was back. You were tired of being alone.

But as you hugged him, you saw that something was wrong here.

His face looked the same as Suguru's when he came to you the day he broke up with you.

"Satoru?"

"I don't think we can be together..." he said sadly and hugged you.

History repeats itself...

"...Toru...?" There were tears in your eyes as he said that.

You were already oversensitive on this point.

Therefore, if you heard someone break up with you a second time, you would go back to where you were at the beginning.

"I'm so sorry, but I know you're not happy with me leaving all the time. This is not a normal relationship..." He said holding you tight. "I love you, but I think you should find another boyfriend. Better than me... Because I can't keep you by my side all the time...

Your arms were heavy as you realized your love was over.

"Why are you doing this to me too...?" You asked, pushing away from him.

"I'm sorry... I'm not cut out to be your boyfriend... You'd be better off with a normal boyfriend... As a sorcerer, I can't give you the same... I don't want to leave you again and again

"You both can't ask me for my opinion..."

"It's all about me... I'm the one who's not cut out to be someone you can love... You're wonderful, however... We can't be together anymore..."

As tears fell from your eyes, you ran away from his hands.

You screamed that you hated him. You were moving away from him. He didn't want to leave you. You would be friends. But you could make a life with someone else.

He was afraid that you would go back to the way you were a year ago.

Even when you were 19, you lived together. You both supported each other.

You had a home, and you thought about a future together.

However...

Again your happiness didn't last long...

"I don't want you to leave me too! I don't agree to that!"

He respected your decision. So as long as you could handle it, he was going to be your boyfriend.

However, you already hated him.

You ran away from home.

You were still his girlfriend.

However, you didn't want to admit it. Are you guys going to be together even after he told you you were breaking up?

You came back the next day. You've been wandering around town all day. All night.

Until you finally came back, and you saw his note saying he had to go on a mission, and he'd be back tomorrow.

You'd be able to forgive him if he hadn't said he was breaking up with you.

You would be able to live with him like this, even if he left, he would always come back.

But now...

You are plagued by dreams about Suguru's death.

You feel guilty.

Death itself haunts you.

You hate Satoru so much...

He also broke your heart.

Maybe now you can die with him... Maybe he'll let you.

When he returned in two days, because his mission had been extended, he saw your house in a different state than usual.

The windows were also covered. There was a plastic bag on the kitchen table.

Terrified that you might be abusing your meds again to calm you down, he went over there but saw only a packet of coffee inside and sugar.

"We're out of coffee... I went shopping." You said to him as you stood a few feet away.

"(y/n)!" He groaned seeing you there.

He saw that your eyes had dark circles under them.

You didn't sleep without it.

"Would you like some coffee?"

"You stayed with me... Do you really like the fact that I'm still gone?" he asked calmly.

"You wanted to break up with me... So we broke up... Even if I don't agree, you've already made the decision for me... So I... I'm not your girlfriend anymore... I'm here to talk to you... One last time... If you don't want me to be with you..."

He came over to you quickly.

"It is not like that...! I want to be with you but I don't want you to be alone all the time... I just thought if you had a normal boyfriend you'd be happier than me..."

"However, you said you wanted to break up with me... So we broke up... We're officially not a couple anymore... I'll try to rent an apartment–."

"No, Please. live here. The moment you find happiness with someone else, I'll move out." He said calmly. He wanted to keep you with him as long as possible. So he could spend time with you.

Once again, he gave you no choice.

If you stay here, you'll kill him and you...

"Don't go, please..."

You made him coffee, and while he was in the shower, you put poison in his coffee, stirring it up.

And when he came back, he drank at once with a smile.

He was sitting next to you in the kitchen while you were cleaning.

And in a few minutes, he felt a terrible pain in his stomach.

And suddenly blood came out of his mouth. Just like the nose.

"W-What's going on..." he moaned, clutching his stomach.

As much as it would hurt him, there was nothing else you could do.

You know he can heal wounds with cursed energy. But he can't counteract the poison.

He stood up, leaning against the counter as his hand was clamped over his stomach.

"(y/n-n)..."

You looked at him with a sad face.

And you showed a vial with a white powder inside.

And then he figured you poisoned him.

He was horrified when he saw it.

But later, he calmed down.

He deserved it...

He hurt you so much. He tore the wound open.

You walked over to him and hugged him, and then he hugged you too.

Feeling his insides burn out, he breathed harder.

"I'm sorry I wasn't good enough for you..." he said with a small smile as he felt something tearing him apart. And the way his throat burned. "It's my fault. And I completely understand you..."

He spoke in a hoarse voice.

You felt his body getting weaker next to yours.

As you looked into his eyes, you saw his tears filling his cloudy eyes.

He began to breathe through his mouth, wanting to stay on his feet as long as possible.

To see you as long as he can.

"I hate myself for not being able to make you happy. All I wanted was your happiness..."

"Why do you both have to say the same thing before you die...?" You asked quietly, tears streaming down your cheeks.

Then he found out that you murdered Suguru.

That's why you were so jittery when you saw death, even on TV.

You grabbed the cup of coffee he was drinking.

And you took a few sips.

To die with him.

Standing on weak legs, he could barely see what was going on. He didn't see many details. His vision was slowly blurring.

Even if you killed Suguru out of hatred, you had to do the same as you did now. You also wanted to kill you.

However, you had to find yourself a happy life.

And they failed you.

With the last of his strength, he punched you hard in the stomach, causing you to vomit what you drank.

And then he fell to the floor, sitting with his hand on the chair. Keeping it upright.

"W-Why...?!" You screamed coughing. You saw coffee splashed on the floor. It was the only thing you had in your mouth today.

"Only I deserved it... To die... It's okay if it makes you feel better... However... You can't die... It's my fault that I wasn't able to make you happy. .."

"I'm sorry..."

And he fell to the floor, unconscious.

The moment you approached him, his pulse was very slow. And the breath was almost gone.

Once again, you couldn't die with someone you love.

You didn't get punished for your murders.

You had to live with it...

You made a grave for Satoru in the garden. Saying goodbye to another man you loved so much.

For a year your life was like a month after Suguru left.

you wanted to die...

You didn't have the strength to eat, so your only purchases were instant noodles and dry biscuits that would go bad.

You often went to the pharmacy.

You wanted to go to sleep. However, you couldn't. Something was weighing on you.

Like something is holding you. And it made you feel heavy.

You only slept on sleeping pills.

The house you and Satoru lived in made you feel bad.

But you didn't want to leave this place.

You wanted to die there...

You had a birthday a few days ago. You are now 20 years old.

And you don't want to live so much...

Not without them...

You wanted to end it already.

You crushed a lot of painkillers along with sleeping pills and mixed them into a glass of water.

He walked around the house before she went into the bedroom to go to bed and drink a whole glass of medicated water at once.

It was supposed to keep you from waking up. You wanted it so much... Maybe you can join them.

However, you will go to hell... and they may be in heaven...

It didn't taste the way you thought it would taste.

However, you closed your eyes.

To dream only to regret your actions that you have done out of hatred.

When you opened your eyes, it was bright.

You saw two faces.

Satoru and Suguru...

You died... Now for real...

"Good morning, honey." Satoru said to you. "This must be the first day in a year that you slept like this, right?"

Did you feel... rested...

In the grave you will always be rested.

"You're not dead. Baby." Suguru said

"I-"

"If you drank it right away, you'd die. However, I've already traded it for vitamins. And also for only two sleeping pills." Satoru said.

So you're alive?

But they...

They're not alive...

So how?

"We promised you happiness, baby. So here we are. And now we'll never leave you. You're ours."

You are unable to smile. Your suicide attempt has been thwarted. Because you have them. They won't let you leave his world because you're supposed to be happy.

They'll see to it.

Satoru is an angel who fled from heaven to be with you.

Suguru is a demon who escaped from hell for you.

Suguru has been with you as a demon for three years.

Satoru has been with you as an angel for two years.

Two years have passed since then.

You don't want to die anymore.

You sleep with them.

You can sleep normally.

After two years with both of them, you finally managed to smile.

And when you hugged them you felt really loved.

So you could only say a few words.

"I'm sorry... I love you...'

[empressofthelibrary]

Tell me about Jamie and Rachel

......Okay, I've been trying to keep my mouth shut about them because I'm worried I'll lose the motivation to write if I spill the beans, but... When I look at the pace I'm actually writing at, I might not get there until I literally retire. So... Here we go. Spoilers ahead, obviously.

Long story short, they're Bailey and Dick's daughters. I'm not sure how obvious that was, but I'd be shocked if nobody had put that together yet, honestly. And they might be from another dimension. They hatched from eggs that grew from a plant Bailey got as a wedding gift from the girls' fairy godmother.

...I'm gonna explain everything, but it's a helluva ride, so buckle up. Time travel is heavily involved, so be warned. It gets confusing.

The earliest seeds of this start not in Bailey's relationship with Dick, exactly, but with a cryptic warning from a random blonde girl with a very strong grip and intense orange eyes. She tells Bailey to "stay away from the peacock man" and... Vanishes back into the crowd.

Bailey brushes it off as a prank from some weird kid.

Fast forward a little bit, and Bailey gets called in to body-double for Princess Lydia of Valdania. The country is in political turmoil, Lyd is announcing a marriage of state, the risk of assassination attempts is high. There's a masquerade ball involved, because what's the point of fanfic if not self-indulgence, and Bailey encounters a man dressed as a peacock. She has completely forgotten the warning from the weird kid, but her "bodyguard" steps in before she can accept this wierdo's request for a dance. That becomes important later, I promise.

At some point, through some kind of Star Trek Bullshit, I'm sending Bailey into the 30th century. Someone else needs to be with her; it can't be Wally, for obvious reasons. She gets back with the help of Cary Wren, the GL of the time, but... Cary misses the target by about a decade. Bailey lands about ten-to-fifteen years ahead of when she left, practically in the lap of a twenty-something Lian. (Lian is growing up normal, fuck canon, this whole "Shoes" thing is stupid.) Bailey panics once she realizes she's not when she's supposed to be, and who she's looking at. She's familiar enough with the scifi genre to know that finding out your own future is bad. Lian is trying to do damage control, making sure Bailey learns as little as possible, while still getting her home. But she can't keep a perfect lid on things, and Bailey comes face to face with a very curious child -- One with red-gold curls framing her freckled face, a gaptoothed grin, and giant, almond-shaped eyes, blue as cornflowers.

Everyone freezes. Chris -- now also an adult -- scoops the child away as fast as he can. Bailey does not understand the tension in the room. She has a niece, clearly. That kid looked exactly like her nephew Aiden did at her age. Obviously Phoebe had another kid. Why a civilian child is here is a mystery, but she's trying really hard not to think about that.

The other person on the adventure with her points out the obvious. Bailey laughs it off -- It's pretty much physically impossible for her to have kids. And who would the dad even be? She'd be an awful mother besides. Nah, no way. That cycle ends here. (The thought had crossed her mind, but it scared the shit out of her, so she shoved it down deep.)

Fast forward a bit. Bailey freaks out and runs away from an actual relationship beginning with Dick, because change is hard and scary and good things never stay and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah commitment. I've talked about this a little.

To be more specific, she runs away to space with Kyle. While in space with Kyle, the party runs afoul of a Black Mercy. Bailey gets sucked into a dream. She's married to Dick, and has been for fourteen years. They're both going gray, getting old. Together. They have a little yellow house with a porch swing and a picket fence. There's a shelter cat, a cranky old-as-hell ginger tabby with one good eye. The sidewalk is covered in chalk drawings.

And they have two fantastic, adorable, smartmouthed daughters. Jamie's older, eleven, and already almost as tall as her father. Rachel is six, and steals the chocolate chips from the pancakes Dick makes on Sundays. They're both bright, compassionate, opinionated girls, so full of light and life and joy. Jamie has Bailey's righteous anger and outspoken nature. Rachel has Dick's quick mind and mischievous tendencies. Bailey loves them, loves this life, so much. It's everything she's ever wanted. Everything she didn't realize she wanted. Everything she was afraid to let herself want.

But she does. She wants it so, so much.

And then Zyzzanyx, the imp she'd... encountered... previously (that's another post) pops in. Explains that she's gonna die if she doesn't make herself wake up -- that Kyle and Laney and the others are gonna get hurt if she doesn't help them. And Bailey has to let it all go.

(The Man Who Has Everything did not do enough exploration of the long-term psychological ramifications of this concept to suit me, okay?)

Bailey is deeply shaken by this dream. She starts to realize that she does want to be a parent, but the idea of stability and putting down roots still scares the hell out of her. It takes someone else pointing out that she's already basically adopted Lanos, the amnesiac navcom AI who is from another Earth, for her to really start to come around to the idea.

...This is what leads to her freakout that has her knocking on Ollie's door at four in the morning, unleashing a wall of text, and recounting the whole tale so far over several bowls of chili.

Unfortunately, Laney leaves. Bailey doesn't really have a stable place to share with a teenager, and... Lanos has a big sister to get to know, and a whole new universe to explore. They stay in contact, but it's a bit like sending your kid off to boarding school.

Shortly after that, she leaves for Los Angeles. She doesn't really have anywhere to stay, having lost her apartment while in space, and she's been couch surfing. Bette offers her a proper room in her penthouse apartment in LA, and a chance to rebuild the Titans West. Bailey takes her up on it. Staying in the Gotham/Metropolis/NYC area was too close to Bludhaven and Dick anyway; the further away she could get from him, the better.

From there, the next big chapter we get in this saga is what I refer to as the Little Mercies Arc. And this one I need to do a lot of research before I write, I know. But essentially, someone is making designer drugs derived from a Black Mercy they got ahold of and embiggified to a truly dangerous degree. You know those century-old rhododendron bushes that are the size of a small car? It's like that. But Bailey and Jason take this person down, and burn the stash.

...Or. Most of the stash, anyway. Bailey picks up a single sleeve of the Little Mercies. She tells herself it's for research. Study. Finding out how it was made. But it's not. She knows it's not.

She misses her daughters. She misses the life she could have lived, if she hadn't fucked things up with Dick. She's only human, after all.

You can see where that's going.

Bailey stabilizes, gets some help, starts getting better. She gets more involved with the local community, doing volunteer work and stuff; that was Ollie's idea, and it's a good one. She forms connections with people, even starting a new relationship with an old acquaintance, Jonah Pavoni -- a nurse, formerly from Central, who helped her decide to take up being a superhero.

...Cut ahead about... Twentyish years or so. Metropolis. Four teenagers in spandex are in hot pursuit of a man in a peacock-themed outfit. They are:

A speedster in green -- Kickstart, also known as Trenton Swift; currently the second-youngest ward of the West-Allen clan, until his parents can be found.

An acrobat in blue-and-black -- Madcap, Blythe Phillips; daughter of forcibly-retired minor-league supervillains Punch and Jewlee, seeking to redeem her family name through vigilantism.

A blonde Kryptonian girl with orange eyes -- Liora of Kandor, once Liora Tyr-Van; an escapee of the bottled city, hoping to find a way to unshrink her people before their resources run out. I'm leaning towards Spitfire for a name.

And at the front of this quartet, a young archer, black-haired, blue-eyed, and both enraged and terrified. Rachel Marion Grayson-Adler, Fledgling, third-generation superhero. She's eager to prove herself, and desperate to stop the man ahead of them.

He's headed for the Jules Verne Museum, after the time-bubble Clark donated, the one he used to visit the 30th Century growing up. If he gets ahold of it, if he jumps back to when he wants... It could literally wipe her family out of existence.

Unfortunately, they don't make it. The guy gets away with the time-bubble. So what do a bunch of 15-17yos do to solve this problem?

Steal the other time-bubble from the Flash Museum, obviously.

They leap into the timestream after him, but none of them know how to pilot the dang thing. Ray and Liora are trying to shoot the other bubble down. Blythe is hitting random buttons because one of these things has to help, right? Trent is just trying to steer while the three girls move around the tiny, cramped ship.

...Both bubbles crash. All five time-travellers are now scattered along the timeline. And this is where it gets confusing, so stay with me.

Blythe lands on a random rooftop in Gotham, just before the whole thing with the dragon-wizard from another dimension. That is also its own post. But that happens after Bailey gets back from space but before Laney heads out.

Liora tumbles into the middle of Bailey's team-up with Kara, Bette, and Shayera. She helps, but she also has to gtfo because the giant robot dinosaur they're fighting is kryptonite-powered.

Trent... Actually snaps back to the time they left, and goes for help in the form of the Team's Designated Older Siblings, Jamie and Wade.

Rachel crashes into the middle of the West-Park dining table, appearing out of thin air, at roughly the same time Bailey is getting her head back on straight.

And the other guy, the one they were chasing? His bubble lands in the wrong time, but not too far off the mark. He's outside a small volunteer clinic in Keystone City. It doesn't take much use of his touch-telepathy to steal the knowledge, training, and clothes of an unlucky nurse, a witness to the crash, and he slides in seamlessly. He's now Jonah Pavoni, RN.

Jonah's plan all along was to steal the time-bubble and go back to before the love of his life -- the woman who saved him, the brilliant, shining angel, the ethereal wonder he's loved since childhood -- before she married some asshole who didn't deserve her. When he crashed in the wrong place and time, he didn't know if he'd ever find her again. But three days later, the Pied Piper drags her in. She's injured, but the wounds are more mental than physical. Of course -- his goddess couldn't be brought down so easily. She just needs... A little encouragement. A nudge or two. He can help with that.

It's like fate brought him exactly when and where he needed to be, placed him in an even better position to convince Bailey of his devotion. Now nothing could keep them apart -- not the misalignment of their ages, not distance, not that stupid neglectful jackass. No, now he could be here for Bailey, from the very beginning, building her up, adoring her, showing her the worship she deserves. Finally, he could be hers, and she could be his. As it was always meant to be.

...Man's a little bit not right in the head.

Blythe and Liora are trying to find their friends, and worrying about Jonah later. Liora crosses paths with Bailey once, and in the interest of still having her best friend to find, tries to warn Bailey to be careful. It doesn't work that well.

Rachel, however, needs to find Jonah right now immediately. While also keeping her identity secret from her extended family and avoiding the hell out of anyone who might recognize her, so she doesn't Marty McFly herself out of existence. She's a walking ball of anxiety, my poor lanky dorito girl.

Wally would like to help, but she keeps saying she isn't allowed to talk to him about it and there are time-travel rules and he has no fucking clue who this sassy lost child is but she called him Uncle Wally so clearly she's family of some kind. But his family is really damn big, and he doesn't know who he's supposed to help her avoid. She's an archer with super strength, she might be Roy and Donna's kid? Somehow? But she also used the phrase "Uncle Clark," and her eyes are really blue, and she has that dorky little forehead curl -- Kon has weird time-travelling clone daughters, right? And... He and Bart are close...?

While all that is going on, Trent, Jamie, and Wade arrive in the present day. They're in Gotham. It's a full moon. On Friday night. Naturally, things are going sideways all over the city. The addition of two speedsters and an acrobat are easy enough to hide. ... For a bit. Eventually they get spotted by the local nosy busybodies. Wade is completely unfazed by the arrival of the bat, Trent is mildly shocked to see Mr. Wayne still in the suit, and Jamie is dying because that's her grandpa how could this go any wronger.

More bats show up, that's how. Including Dick.

They eventually nab Blythe -- who has been having fun stopping criminals, harassing the local vigilantes, and bonding with Steph in the few months she's been stranded -- and as they're trying to leave, Dick puts it all together. He has a daughter. From a future that, after Bailey literally left the planet to avoid putting a name on whatever was happening between them, seems unreachable.

Things get emotional, obviously, and moreso when they part. Jamie can't stick around, she has to find the others. No, Dick can't help, he's already figured out too much and putting the fabric of spacetime at risk. Or something.

Dick, reluctantly, lets them leave to go find Liora. I'm not totally sure where she's been during all this, but I'm batting a few ideas around. They grab her and set to finding Rachel.

While all this is happening, Jonah reveals the full truth to Bailey. He's the kid she saved in her latest adventure. He's been in love with her for two decades, since that fateful moment. He's crossed time and space and warped the laws of reality just to be with her. He'd planned to just come back to this point, but what he'd gotten -- this chance to get to know her, to watch her become the hero he always admired -- it was more than he ever could have dreamed.

And now, now they could be together. He's finally repaired the time bubble. They can sweep away to the time he left, have a life together. He's waited for her for so long, can't she see how much he adores her? Won't she be his?

...Bailey, on her end, has had a series of bombs dropped on her. By a guy she's not even sure she can call her boyfriend yet. Ending in what sure as hell sounds like a proposal? And he... Might be a kid?? She says no, like any sane person would, with a few expletives thrown in.

Jonah does not like this answer. He didn't want it to go like this, but... He reaches for Bailey. If she won't love him willingly, he'll just make it happen.

THWIP!

Suddenly there's an arrow sticking through Jonah's palm.

"STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM HER," Rachel screams, barely clinging to her vantage point.

A fight naturally ensues. I don't have it choreographed well, but we wind up with all three parties -- Bailey and Jonah; Rachel and Wally; Jamie, Wade, Trent, Liora, and Blythe -- all in the same space. During the chaos, Rachel falls from some great height, while injured. Bailey dives after her.

It's too great a fall for her to survive, if she can't recover. And with her wounded -- maybe Jonah has, like, feather-shaped daggers and he stuck one in her side? -- she can't do much. Bailey is trying, but she can't quite reach --

-- and then two feathered wings, shining a brilliant gold, like flame and sunrise, unfurl from Rachel's back.

Ray scrambles to pull up, flapping awkwardly, moving on instinct alone. She pulls up, rising into the air, crowing and laughing and on one hell of an adrenaline high. Bailey helps her get back to the others. Ray gets patched up. There's celebration and relief and joy. Someone makes a "Literal Flying Grayson" joke. Wally still wants an explanation, please and thank you?

Once all that gets shook out, Bailey turns to Jonah. He tried to kill her daughter. He is a threat to her girls, and he won't stop until he's stopped permanently. Clearly, there's only one thing to do.

Wally steps in, trying to plead for mercy. Bailey laughs, and agrees. She'll show him mercy, alright.

...Remember that giant mega Black Mercy? It went into the care of one Dr. Pamela Isley, retired since her wedding to Harley, and considered mostly rehabilitated. Her indoor garden has a real nice skylight.

So yeah. Bailey can show him a little mercy, alright.

There's a whole lotta crying as the time-travellers make their goodbyes. Bailey tries to put on a brave face, because you gotta for your kids, but she doubts she'll ever see their future. But she's so, so proud of them, and she loves them so much.

Fast-forward a bit again. Throughout Bailey and Dick patching things up and figuring out a relationship for real, there's a whole lot of dramatic tension as they both try to keep their mouths shut about the possible future they've both seen, but don't know the other one knows about. Bailey is scared to death that Dick would be with her for that future -- only a possibility she doesn't even know how to reach -- and not for anything inherent to her, and Dick doesn't want to put any pressure on Bailey and make her run away again. It's a whole thing! But they do work it out, and... Well, wedding bells do ring.

And Bailey gets a very unusual wedding gift from Zyzzanyx, her old ally. A small chest, containing what sure looks like two tulip bulbs. Zazz explains that these'll grow into the girls, so... She and Dick can plant 'em when they're ready. It's old magic, and it'll take a drop of blood from each parent, but, well. She's fond of the little rugrats too, she guesses. And watching Bailey be miserable about not having them is, y'know, depressing or whatever.

Bailey thanks Zazz for this, and releases the imp from her life-debt. (Like I said, that's it's own post; this is already a mile long.)

The girls eventually happen. Jamie is roughly of an age with Wade, less than a year younger. Ray is born about five years after that, I think. They grow up safe and happy and loved, with a phenomenally huge number of aunts and uncles and grandparents.

There are many arguments and discussions regarding youthful vigilantism and sidekickery, but once again, Bailey cannot stop the future. It's allowed, but under very strict conditions regarding school and social lives. Jamie begins training at age fifteen, taking on the name Dawnbird, and patrolling with her dad.

Rachel learns archery from Aunt Cissie, and then from Uncle Roy and Grandpa Ollie, when she won't be deterred from masking up once she turns fifteen. She uses Fledgeling as her moniker, one of her mother's nicknames for her, as something of an olive branch. Bailey relents and lets Ray be her partner.

I could go on, but I think this post is long enough as is. Most of the rest of what I have is bits and pieces and fun facts anyway. If there's anything anyone's curious about or wants me to elaborate on -- or if you need a diagram, 'cause I got a little Charlie Day here -- my askbox is open!

[jaijaitbinks]

Thinkin' about a GenoSai marriage proposal where Saitama, prior to them even developing feelings, tells Genos he doesn't feel much towards marriage.

Like, it was brought up in subtle conversation once. Maybe they stumbled upon a marriage proposal on their way home or maybe they passed by a ring shop/jewelry store while going to the 3rd grocery store on their list. And when they finally get home, Genos asks Saitama: "Sensei, would you ever want to get married?" (Or something like that)

Saitama ponders the question, head tilted towards the ceiling in thought, before saying: "Nah, not really."

Genos asks him why.

"Because I don't really see the point in it." He shrugs. When Genos continues to look at him, he sits up straighter and attempts to explain further. "I mean, if you really love the person, I don't see why an official marriage ceremony needs to happen. To me, it's more like this celebration just so you can have your relationship on a certificate." Shrugging his shoulders, he adds: "Not that I wouldn't be happy to marry someone. It's just that I probably wouldn't react much if I was proposed to.I already love the person and they already love me—no need for months of planning just so we can kiss in front of people, eat cake, and dance."

Genos feels a little disappointed by his answer, but he understands where he's coming from. So the conversation shifts and that was the end of it.

Fast forward a few years, maybe two or three. Saitama and Genos are having dinner on a rooftop after another day of monster fighting. Genos is as anxious as any 21/22 year old would be, planning to propose. Those words from over 2 years ago broiling in his head.

After he sets his empty box down, he turns to Saitama.

"Saitama," he calls, knowing that using his first name would get his attention indefinitely. And it does. The man does not reply, but he looks up at him, giving his full attention. Genos takes a breath he doesn't really need. "Do you remember... do you remember when you told me how you felt about marriage? That you wouldn't react much to a proposal?"

Now, forgive Saitama for this, but the question was so out of left field, he just stared at Genos. It took him a second to process it, register it. But before he could even begin to think about the implications of it, he's watching a compartment in Genos' arm open and the cyborg reaching in to pull out a box.

"Forgive me for wanting this..." he says. Saitama's mouth falls open, and Genos, with a mix of timidness, anxiety, and playfulness, holds it out to him. Saitama's hands shake so much, Genos worried for him but pressed on. "But... I'd like to call your bluff."

One of Saitama's gloved thumbs presses against the box and gently pries it open.

Genos never gets the chances to actually take the damn thing out before he's being yanked into a kiss by his shirt collar.

[sukunaspinkyfinger]

ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ꜰᴀᴅᴇ ᴀᴡᴀʏ - ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ɪɪ - ɢᴏᴊᴏ ᴏᴡᴇꜱ ᴍᴇ ᴍᴏɴᴇʏ!

ꜱᴏɴɢ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ: ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴀʟʟᴀᴅ ᴏꜰ ʙᴜᴄᴋ ʀᴀᴠᴇʀꜱ - ꜱᴀᴍᴜʀᴀɪ

ᴄᴏɴᴛᴀɪɴꜱ: ᴠɪᴏʟᴇɴᴄᴇ, ꜱᴡᴇᴀʀɪɴɢ, ᴍᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴꜱ ᴏꜰ ꜰɪʀᴇᴀʀᴍꜱ

Fresh raindrops fall on my flushed cheeks as I exit the car. I finally arrive at Shoko's clinic, though not without almost hitting somebody's grandmother.

My lips curl into a slightly surprised smile as I notice her wobbling in my direction alongside a pink-haired kid and her trusty walking cane.

「 IEIRI, SHOKO

Age: 32

Affiliation: Civilian

Bounty: The criminal record does not exist, or you do not have permission to view it. 」

"Hey, N." she greets me with an unamused gaze while offering a cigarette from her somewhat bloody case. "Want one?"

"Nah, thanks, I'll puke. What's that?" I curiously point at her walking cane. "New lungs? Again? What is it, like...the fifth one?"

"Yep, Kiroshi's new tech." Her body trembles from the sudden wave of coughs.

"Uh-huh, well, since it's Kiroshi hopefully they'll last you a couple of decades unlike the previous four. Who's your friend?"

"This is Yuji, he'll fill you in on the job." She hisses, then lets go of the boy's broad shoulders and switches to mine without asking. Shoko's always been somewhat frail despite her being tall, though my heart breaks a little thinking how easy it'd be even for me to pick her up and carry her around like a bag of feathers. "I'd love to chit-chat outside but my hip hurts."

I hold her as we walk down the clinic's stairs, afraid she might shatter once I let go. Has she been eating? Even though I've seen Shoko plenty of times after surgery, her ghost-like face and glassy gaze never fails to scare the shit out of me.

"So..." Shoko's weak voice echoes through her clinic as she puts up a fresh batch of coffee with a cigarette in her trembling hand. "Yuji is here on behalf of Sukuna, but you've probably guessed that already."

"Sup', choom." The boy sits down across me and nods as I thoroughly scan him.

-

「ITADORI, YUJI

Age: 17

Affiliation: The Unwanted

Bounty: 160 Eurodollars

Wanted for: vandalizing a corporate building」

-

Could've guessed he was underage the minute I laid eyes on him at the top of the clinic's stairway. Regardless of Yuji's babyface and shy gaze, he wears top-tier, expensive cyberware along with gorilla arms - preem work, probably from a preem ripperdoc. Definitely one of Sukuna's men.

"Riiight, choom. I'm all ears, tell me about the job."

Yuji hesitates for a second before putting his hands and iron on the table. The drastic change of demeanor and the desperate attempt to mask the panic in his voice tells me this gig must be personal on some levels.

"So, um, we need you to track down a person that went missing a week ago. One of Sukuna's pro netrunners, um..." He pauses mid-sentence to collect himself, then pulls out a shard from his pocket. "All the deets are on the shard, all you need to know...well, almost."

As I insert the shard in my neuroport on the back of my head, information starts flowing through my brain. 

----Gig type: search and recover ----Priority: HIGH

----Item/Person to recover: KAMO, CHOSO - Age: 27 - Netrunner with an NCPD bounty of 2,400 Eurodollars

"Woow.." I mumble out loud as I open the attachment of a picture, which reveals the stoic face of a brown-eyed man with a lengthy tattoo on his porcelain face. Never seen or heard of him, but not much of a surprise, really, since netrunners never tend to operate in the spotlight.

"...Choso Kamo, one of Sukuna's netrunners, was supposed to encrypt a shard that contains top secret information about a shipment of high-grade Militech equipment that has ties to a warehouse at the docks in Little China, Watson district. However, all contact was lost on 16th May, exactly seven days ago. Choso's last known location is unknown, it is highly unlikely he went to investigate the warehouse on his own..."

"Mhm, netrunner boy probably stuck his nose where it didn't belong, unaware of the location tracking malware that temporarily sent him into a deep slumber, enough time for whoever set up the trap to get to him. I personally don't think Militech is behind this, but it would be a start if you'd tell me where you got the shard from." 

As I pull out the shard, I turn to the mildly agitated Yuji who seems terribly unamused by my theory.

"Uh-uh, nah. M-my brother would never, he's smart enough, one of the smartest people I know!"

Ah, so that's where the wind blows from.

"Look, choomie, I get it. Trust m-"

"No, the fuck you don't!" 

The boy suddenly jumps up from his seat, hyperventilating at this point. His gun viciously preys on my sweaty forehead, my ear starts to ring as my gaze wanders to Shoko, who's ready to put a bullet into the kid if she has to. 

"Hey, kid, calm down. When I say I get it, I do." My gaze desperately looks for his as I try so hard not to piss myself on the spot, though I doubt he'd actually want to shoot me. "Even the best get outplayed sometimes, it's inevitable. Just calm down, tell us where you got the shard from so we can start searching for him."

Seconds pass, which seem like an eternity, but eventually, his iron drops to the floor followed by a cold sound of cling. Yuji defeatedly plops down on his chair, still sobbing.

"'m sorry, 'm sorry." He pleads with deep breaths. "I dunno what's gotten into me. Been trying to tell him something's not right, he didn't listen until finally he did. But it's been a week and he's all I got. It's all my fault!"

"A fucking week ago?! Jesus Christ..." Shoko shrieks, understandably. I have no desire to say it out loud, but if someone's been missing for over a week in Night City, - a someone who's a pro netrunner under a big-shot gang leader -, is most likely decomposing in a fridge or a dumpster, stripped of all their money, cyberware and perhaps organs. My gaze turns to Yuji, who looks like he's seen a ghost upon connecting the dots.

"Wow, thanks, Shoko. Big help!" I scoot over to him and give him an encouraging pat on his sweaty back. "Look, kid. Nothing's been set in stone yet, 'kay? We'll find your big bro."

Shoko apologetically serves him a glass of cold water, then sits down and lights another cigarette. 

"U-um, thanks M-miss Shoko." The boy gulps down every last drop before he starts talking. "It happened two weeks ago, not long after Choso finally allowed me to join the gang, take on small gigs, and earn some eddies. I k-kept nagging him, wanted to impress Sukuna so bad, just didn't know how, y'know."

"Uh-huh, get to the point."

"R-right, long story short, I got the shard from a guy at a downtown bar. He seemed nice enough, so we drank a couple n he just gave it to me for free. Since I dunno shit about hacking, I gave it to Choso, thinking it'd go smooth."

Shoko begins to massage her forehead as she looks at me, clearly thinking the same thing as I do.

"Wow, your brother must love you a shitton if he decided to jack in a random asshole's shard just because you asked him to. Any idea who he might be?"

Yuji thinks hard, so hard that the sound of cogwheels in his brain almost echoes through the clinic's dusty walls.

"I didn't get his name but I remember that he was very tall, um, he smelled like an old lady from a soap opera...ah, he wore sunglasses inside the bar and...right, he had white hair, so he kinda looked like a rat."

Shoko's mug lands on the floor at the same time as my jaw once Yuji's description connects the dots in our brains.

"Could it be-?"

-

「GOJO, SATORU

Age: 31

Affiliation: Civilian

Bounty: 150 Eurodollars

Wanted for: disturbing the peace, public urination, public drinking, vandalizing a corporate vehicle, minor theft from a gas station, kidnapping, arson, assaulting a corporate rep.」

-

"Fucking hell, Shoko, call him! But don't tell him I'm here, cuz' that bastard owes me eddies, got it?"

"Yeah, yeah, already on it."

"W-wait, you know 'im? Just like that? Do you think he knows where my brother is? I-is he willing to help?" 

Yuji jumps up, his hopeful expression is like a ray of sunshine that sends a wave of guilt down my stomach as I continue to ignore him due to my massive headache caused by the ten-plus shots of Amel earlier this evening. I grip my forehead in vain as I desperately try to keep it from exploding upon hearing the arrogant, annoying sound of Satoru's high-pitched voice.

"Heyyyyy, Shoko! 'm busy, ya know, but never too busy to talk to my fav' ripperdoc in Night City. So, what can I do for ya?"

My cold hands signal the boy to keep quiet as he gathers the sad remains of Shoko's favourite cup from the floor.

"Come down to the clinic as soon as possible, I need to talk to you in person. It's really important."

"Iughhh, do I really have to? Tsk, fine. I'll be there in 20."

"'Kay, see you soon." She finally hangs up, then turns her exhausted gaze to me. "Don't murder him."

some time later, 3:56

The late-night adrenaline and Shoko's kindly gifted, headache-reducing airhypo help me gather my mess of a self as I hide behind the door. Yuji and Shoko have already prepared a chair along with some surgical rope, then as a couple of minutes pass by, we finally hear the obnoxious sound of screeching tires of a Rayfield Caliburn. 

I ready my fists, my gaze never leaves Shoko as I impatiently wait for her signal.

"Shoko?" Satoru calls out as the outline of his newest, high-fashion, faux leather shoes approach.

"Hey, I'm over here! D'you mind coming a bit closer? Ol' me just had surgery, hee-hee."

Satoru walks over, a pitiful pout decorating his face hidden behind his signature sunglasses, then pats Shoko on the head.

"Aww, Shoko, new lungs again? I told you I'd hook you up with a therapist friend of mine. You'd quit smoking in no t-"

"NOW!"

Yuji swiftly pulls out the chair,  which creates an opening  for me to make my move. I ready my fists once again and smack the unsuspecting man, who then falls to the ground, wailing. The boy grabs him and manages to tie his hands behind the chair. 

Victory.

[a-sh0t-in-the-dark]

10:00 AM

'Zod'

Nothing was out of place though something was playing on the T.V: "You just sold your soul to the Devil {Himura}" - Samurai X - Episode 25. ⏩ "All the pieces are in place. Relax." Hades - Kingdom Hearts. 📺 A segment of a child playing against a robot in chess at the Moscow Open followed right after. "...There was a light peeking through the door this time." 10:04 I muzzled pea with my palm and planned on how i'd make it to the mansion. 📳..a text from Amber. A picture of her at the hospital: her hair was shorter; "Just leaving, how long has it been? You know....wait. Yes, haha! I see; print $v9886 ^.^ $v9887????" "Ah...stage three.." I sent her a picture of Pea with her bell chime as a figure made its way out of Matt's bedroom. ("Holy") I screamed internally; it was Matt. "Hey" he paused for a brief moment; "..did you clean my room?" "Not today..I don't think. {Wait..no....}up for a game?" I handed him a cigarette as i'd gotten up. "Just testing you. Sure." "I want to be a knight." Badger - Breaking Bad{Negro y Azul} Almost instinctively, I positioned my left knight in front of my King. "Been gone for a few days." He mirrored my move; "Had to "wrap my head" around the scenario we're in.." I said nothing and continued fortifying my defense. "Came up with a solution though." He opened a clear lane for his queen to take a free knight. "Oh.." I backed the knight with a pawn. "Forgive me, Mr. Spock..I should have known better." Star Trek - 'The Squire of Gothos' Timestamp {49:00 - 49:06} "I got an invitation to some kind of dinner at that mansion a few miles down Star Desert Ave; I showed him the crumpled piece of paper. "...dine with the White Queen and me?" He looked at the position of the pieces on the board. Silence. For a reason I can't explain, he appeared nervous. A bead of sweat rolled off of his temple and followed the structure of his face, then disappeared as though it never were. "..." I wanted to say something, but his gaze suddenly met mine; The mirror shattered. 10:28 After awakening from my brief daydream of being a prisoner behind a compromised looking glass; "A would be God (in dungarees) strangled by an illusion. That will of the wisp mirage..." 📺 Twilight Zone - 'The Mirror' Timestamp {23:51 - 23:57} I looked at the board: "I castled?"

"That's a first.." said Matt. "...." Another text from Amber. He looked at the chessboard, as did I.

"A dance as old as time itself, you; the wily old king. (And) I, the slender young knight." - Code Monkeys - "Just One of The Gamers'

Adam: "Want to call it a draw?"

Matt: "I have one less rook."

Adam: "I castled."

10:36

I crunched two aspirin pills and rolled a small heap [of] shredded [leaves] into the dust mound before rolling it into a cone. We just sat there and smoked as a segment of [House] played on the TV. "So..you and Mei have a thing?" I randomly stuttered. Before he could answer, I said: "It's cool、it's cool; heh...I had to fetch Pea and it...uh...it just became apparent heheh." "Nah..one time thing." I tried passing the cone but he emanated disdain. I took another puff and started playing Superman 64. He notioned for the cone; I obliged.

"...gonna be honest, I don't even think it's on. I went a mile up the road to the pharmacy and no shock, no beeping; Ms. Pratt would've been at my door by now but, nothing." "So you're gonna go?" "Worst case scenario..first violation? Wanna come with?" "Sounds like a personal matter." "Could be my P.O setting me up, I could use the leverage..." Before I could contemplate any further, he rejected. I was too high to induce persuasion; the elephant in the room dwarved as the smoke accumulated. I think Pea could see it too. "What happened here?" Matthew was in the exit hallway; I didn't even know he'd gotten up. I met him in the hallway; The mirror was cracked in several points. "......." I cut my finger attempting the trace one of the fractures. "First the window, now this; no clue what happened." There was no glass on the floor, nor was there anything in front of the closet to indicate something was thrown at it. "There's another one in the closet I could hang so.." "Has a cool aesthetic." he interjected. "How so?" "Seven large shards.." he stood in front of the mirror. "Almost like looking at seven different versions of yourself." "I don't follow.." I applied pressure to my finger. "I dunno..could be overthinking it. But the pieces are just about evenly sized. Almost as if it were hit in dead center. Just looks cool, nothing to dissect from my statement, heh." "Huh.." "Well, gonna go pick my car up from Zens; later." "Ah..uh....leave the door cracked." An attempt at a joke, either it wasn't funny or he didn't get it; the door lay slightly ajar.

I looked in the mirror for a little while. "All there." My brown hair had grown shaggy over the weeks, slightly covering my brow. I could count three cigarette burn holes on my shirt. I still had my non prescription glasses on from the other night. The glare from the lens made my eyes appear a lighter shade of green. They're contacts. The image before me wasn't the real me; a doppelganger. I moved in closer, paying attention to each reflection as I turned my ear to the glass. I heard nothing, so I knocked. Still nothing. I made sure that my heart was still beating; "..yup, all there." I didn't have time to contemplate on what Matt had said; "Oh right, Amber..." I checked my phone: "empty subject".

I removed my glasses after sliding my phone back into my pocket and gave the mirror one last look. My reflection cracked a smile at the same moment as I, before turning his back, making way into the kitchen; my.

[overgrownbat]

Thank you for the tag @sneepseverus!

~ 💖 ASK GAME 💖 ~

What’s set as your phone’s lockscreen?

An astrology wheel with lunar phases. It spins and is very pretty to look at.

Cheese or chocolate?

Chocolate.

Do you have any nicknames?

Just a shortening of my name: Brit.

Last song you listened to?

I'm almost never not listening to music, I'm currently listening to "All We Ever Wanted" by Bauhaus.

Have you ever written fanfiction?

Nah, I think I made an attempt in high school but I scrapped it pretty quickly. Creative writing isn't a strength of mine. I admire it in others.

Are you on Discord?

Yup.

Do you have any piercings?

Two on each ear. I'll get more at some point.

What do you think says the most about a person?

How they speak about another person when they're not in the room.

If you were a cookie, what kind would you be?

Wow this question made my brain shutdown. Cookies as in biscuits or specifically the round ones? I'm going to assume all biscuits.

I'm a Salted Caramel Tim Tam because you are what you eat and I devour those.

Are you more of a dog person or a cat person?

Dog — I warmed up to cats due to my friends all owning them and then I became allergic. 💀

Headphones or earbuds?

Earbuds but I've recently obtained a pair of headphones to wear at work so people don't think I'm ignoring them when they walk up to me and I'm listening to music.

I've discovered that people are oblivious and will continue trying to talk to you anyway — headphones be damned.

What’s the last thing you said out loud?

I can't remember the exact words but I'm pretty sure I swore at some point this morning as I slept in and needed to get to work.

What’s a weird fact that you know?

Not weird, but the fact that Autistic people are easily overwhelmed when presented with too many choices comes to mind when I see questions like this.

It's me. I'm the overwhelmed Austistic person.

Are you a morning person or a night owl?

Night owl but my 9-5 job doesn't allow for me to reach my full potential and I spend most of my days exhausted.

Favorite place to nap?

I don't nap. I can't wake up from one without feeling horribly disoriented and nauseated. I also make a point of only sleeping in my bed. My sleep hygiene is poor, I work on it where I can.

Are you a member of the LGBTQIA+ community?

As an ally. I suppose I'm Demisexual but my sexuality as a whole isn't something I think about too often.

Describe yourself in three words.

Independent, honest, intelligent.

Sarcastic.

Jeans or sweatpants?

Jeans.

What’s your go-to drink order?

My order varies depending on the location. I'll just give my top three most frequent orders:

Creme brulee chiller from Gloria Jean's.

Caramel latte from any other cafe.

Strawberry black tea with lychee jelly or popping pearls from Chatime.

A color you can’t stand?

Orange and anything fluroescent. Essentially, if you look like a set of highlighters it's a no from me. 😂

What’s your most prized possession?

Oh goodness me. I'd not be happy to lose most of my possessions but I suppose my car. It's my first big ticket item and I'm proud and grateful to have been able to afford it.

Coffee or tea?

An ungodly amount of tea that I fear is slowly changing my DNA.

Favorite extinct animal?

I've never thought about it. My favourite dinosaur as a child was a triceratops, so let's go with that.

How long have you been on Tumblr?

Um, at least a decade. This blog is young though, think I made it in December last year or maybe January this year?

Desert island item?

Anything that causes immediate death. I'm a buzzkill for these scenarios. My desire to survive in a world deprived of my comfort items is not that strong.

Describe your aesthetic.

Whatever aesthetic fits in Doc Martens, black jeans and band shirts. Leather jackets preferred but not required.

I don't follow fashion trends or aesthetics, I like what I like.

What’s your dream job?

I don't have one. My dream is not have a job and somehow have the resources to travel and accomplish other goals.

Relationship status?

Single — and will be like that for a very long time. I love my peace too much and hate sharing my space.

Describe your favorite outfit.

Ummm. For what occasion? The clothes I'm normally in is a loose t-shirt with either a pair of leggings or shorts depending on the temperature. Essentially, clothes that I don't feel. I wouldn't wear that outside to most places though.

Is there a song you know all the lyrics to?

Too many to list.

What color is your hair?

Brown.

Do you talk to yourself?

Sometimes it's the only way to maintain intelligent conversation.

Do you wear makeup?

Just BB cream.

Best compliment you ever received?

This is just recency bias but as I can't think of any right now.... One of my senior leaders complimented my assessment writing about three times in succession just over a week ago. I felt a bit chuffed.

Open tags for anyone who wants to do this. 😊

[spidercookie18]

I'm having a crisis. And im going to talk about wanting to die.

Know first that no matter how scary this post may be, I've moved past seriously attempting to unalive. I promise I have a support group, and this is not anything like that.

It is 5 a.m. when I started writing this. I woke up crying, and now im worried I'm gonna be having an existential crisis for the next few days til I can get my head on straight.

I. Am.... turning 24 in less than 3 months. And I am freaking the fuck out about it. I woke up with my ears ringing in pain, my joints aching, and my stomach and head killing me. Yes, I did it to myself, but that's not the point.

I realized, now that I am going to be.... living past my 'expiration date', that I have to live inside this body. And to live inside this body is painful.

Now that my life plans don't stop at 24, I don't know what to do.

For the longest time, it was: who cares if - - - -, I'll be dead at 24.

And now, that's not the case.

Now, I have people in my life who love me, and that would not survive hearing I died. I've never had that before, and I've never had people to live for before. It's terrifying.

This is both the best and the worst feeling in the world... to know that I get to live for them and that I'm not allowed to die.

Now that my plans include growing old, which is such a WEIRD fucking thought for me. I mean fuck, I've tried to die and begged for death for so many years. I can still feel the pain of my kidneys shutting down, and now I take daily vitamins to stay 'healthy'????

FUCK

No one ever talks about how FUCKING ODD life is after ';'

They just tell you.... fuck, they don't tell you. People have always avoided talking about this. They just talk about how 'greateful they are to be alive' and all the bullshit about how great life is!

And it is, but it's also, it is terrifying. I go to work and talk and smile to people in passing glances. I have a regular, schmegular life, and in the back of my mind when having a conversation about something so insignificant like "do you like pineapple on your pizza?" While I'm thinking about how I thought about walking into traffic that morning.

YES I DO LIKE PINEAPPLE ON MY PIZZA, AND I CAN EAT WHAT THE FUCK EVER I WANT NOW BECAUSE ME AND MY BODY DESERVE GOOD THINGS!

...I'm looking at all the scars on my body and... idk man, I don't hate them anymore, but I wish I had been kinder to myself. When I think about making new ones I just have some water and a granola bar instead.

Such a stupid fucking internal dialog too 'hey you wanna do something bad to your body?' "Nah, lets have a snack instead" lmao

And 90% of the time, it actually works!

I love my support group, and I know I stress them out. I never thought I'd be the kind of person to say they were loved. I mean, my friends are flying into town for my "congrats on beating your record for consecutive days alive" birthday party 😂 and ik its gonna make a lot of people uncomfortable, but its not for them. I like living for me.

Anyways... Now that my plans include growing old, I have to take care of my body. And I'm so fucking excited to grow old that I can't even express it in words. I get to live and watch my friends live. I can have a family and make it as big as I want, fill it with all the love and kindness the world never showed me. I want that. And I am so excited to experience the days as they come. I'm ready to be the kindness for others that no one was for me.

I still think about it all the time. And sometimes, it's really hard to push those thoughts away. Some days, it still feels like I'm drowning. Some days, I think how easy it'd have been if the thoughts had won.

And other days, I get to smile at strangers, or have a yummy drink, or feel the warm Sun on my skin in the cool autumn breeze, or eat sushi, or gossip with someone that loves me. Hell, even getting to write the damn stupid vampire fanfics is a good day for living, lol.

I am so excited to help other people live, too...

But also, fuck. Now I have to take care of myself??? It's not just "dang, i got tenitus?" *shrugs in suicide*

GAH

But also, yay. Lol.

Life is so fucking weird man. But it's good to be alive. 🩷

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not responding to a message about an ex-classmate's family member dying?

CW: The word suicide is mentioned, but no actual suicide occurs, is attempted, or at risk. I would not say it if it were not important, rest assured.

I feel horribly guilty for this, and if I am the asshole there's not really any way I can fix it, because it's been over ten years. I have no way to contact this person anymore, and I was only about ten when it happened. There is a lot of context about how she treated me required to get how this could happen in the first place.

There was this girl in my class who sometimes would join in with my bullies on being cruel to me, but sometimes was nice, it depended on how badly other people were pressuring her, and if she knew I'd find out she participated or not. I did not consider her my friend as she was only occasionally kind to me, but I went to her house once. She had invited me, and I'd only been invited to someone's house once before this, plus I had been told it was going to be a party with many people. I thought I could fade into the background, but no one else showed up (I heard rumors it was because they learned I was going, but I don't know if that's true or not.) It was a very nerve-wracking experience, and she later confessed to me that she knowingly served me food that had come in contact with something that could make me super sick without telling or warning me. (It did give me a stomach ache, but I was lucky and it wasn't too bad. It could've been a lot worse, and previous reactions had been.) I said I forgave her for that. She then confessed to playing a twisted game with the others on a day where I was out sick. In this game, they hid in the school bathroom with a flickering light. They pretended that bathroom was haunted by my ghost, and that I wasn't just out sick, I was dead- they even went so far as to pretend that they had bullied me into killing myself and that I was making the lights flicker because my ghost was going to hurt them, and take revenge on them. It was the most horrifying thing I think I've ever learned was said behind my back, especially when I never talked about self harm, suicide, or anything of that nature- they had made that all up for the sake of a game.

At that point, I never talked to her willingly again because I was just really tired of having her come into my space, insist we were friends, and then do something mean when I wasn't around. I'd get visibly tense when she was nearby, I would only nod or shake my head when she talked to me, just little things to remain civil and no shows of trust or affection.

Then, a couple of months after I'd left that school, she texts me for the second time ever, and first time in like a year, saying her older brother died. I was really stressed out that day, I don't remember by what, though. I just remember not knowing what to say, and deleting the entire app she contacted me on in a panic since I didn't hadn't used it for months anyways.

I feel like I led her on into thinking we were close by going to her house that once, and I know now I should've just bit down the stress and comforted her... but as soon as I made that choice in my panic, I couldn't fix it- there wasn't any way to undo it and I especially can't fix it now, so many years later. I guess posting this is more a confessional than anything. I sincerely hope all her friends were kind to her and comforted her and that my choice didn't affect her too badly.

What are these acronyms?

[medicinemane]

...maybe one of these days, maybe right before I die I'll just be fucking mean and cruel myself, and just go over all the shit people say that's just so damn fucking hurtful

Cause you have a lot of nice people who want to be kind going around being callous and cruel all the time, and it would hurt them to see the damage they do, but maybe I'd do that as a little petty bit of revenge and then go hang myself so there's no damn recourse or way to make things right

Probably won't, probably just take that shit to my grave but... there's shit that should be obvious, like it doesn't take a mental master to figure out it's rude and cruel to say. You've got your reasons, but reasons don't remove the cruelty

Then there's other stuff where it's like... everyone has this lore about shit that they've heard and therefore know it's true, but I was fucking there, I was in it, I watched it go down, and you've been fed shit but gladly gobble it up cause you want a punching bag

I mean fuck, some of you (who I know don't follow me, but we talk some times) were straight up there too, and yet I see you revising history just because some people have developed a bit of a mean steak over how shit went down

Lotta people full of a lot of shit.. that's all I'm saying. Lotta people just want acceptable punching bags, people who they are justified in mocking

I've been there for a lot of shit. I keep to myself, so I was never directly involved with a lot of it, but I watched, and you fuckers rewrite history about... in two different events where they way it's told is very different from what I saw, I can point to two suicide attempts... not sure which is sadder, the kid who ended up with brain damage, or the adult who did kill himself... nah... it's the kid, I actually can say, but it's a fucking tragedy in both cases, and in both cases people spin a very different tale from what was going on

All these sanctimonious saviors who truly know what's best for the world... well fuck me, I wouldn't want to be like you, even if it makes me the worst scum. Better scum like me than scum like you

Just fucking tired, and... I frankly don't trust people enough to talk about this shit. Maybe once I'm about to die I will, but... not till then. Never makes a damn bit of difference when I do actually say anything anyway

...notice I avoid saying generalize "you" statements, cause... it's not all of you or anything. It's just enough people where... I don't know

Don't like it... examine yourself and see if you do anything nasty and cruel, no matter why you do it, see if you do it. You don't... then don't agonize over it, you know? You really want to know the specifics... maybe I'll say, probably I won't, I don't know

But like me being as bad as I was the past few days, like I said, this shit just tanks my mood, and it's been so fucking long it's been going on for an people still won't drop it

Just... I'm not a pleasant person. I'm not a good person. I'm just fucking polite most of the time is all, and then other times I say long ass shit like this and... whatever

Have a good night and all that stuff, hopefully in the coming months I can arrange what to do with my body, and then fucking get on with it and leave everyone in peace already

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #095

(taken december 29th last year; uploading surveys taken while gone)

Have you ever given someone flowers? Yes; I remember one specific Mother's Day I took a jar and went walking down our path collecting wild flowers to give my mom. I'm also pretty sure I've given Jason roses before, but I'm not entirely positive. I want to give Girt some someday, even though he's said he thinks flowers are kinda a dumb gift, since they're just dying plants and all but honestly, I feel like if someone he loves like me actually gifted him flowers that he'd probably be really touched and cherish them.

Are there any lamps on in the room that you’re currently in? Yes, I have a guitar lamp in this room that's always on because I like its warm, orange glow.

Is there a place that you will never return back to? I've made it a point that I simply will fucking not EVER go back to the local mental hospital here if god absolutely forbid I need one again. I'll die before I do. It's literal hell and pure, rancid garbage of a facility.

Does your grass need to be cut currently? Nah, it naturally stays dead/real short this time of year.

What’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to you? A very abrupt and just overall traumatic breakup with a long-time partner I'd completely, utterly, entirely lost myself in. I had no self-autonomy; I lived for him, and suddenly he was gone, so I lived for nobody until I finally started to build myself and decide who I was in 2017. It's a journey still in progress today, because I still don't feel like I've entirely found myself and I definitely don't love myself like I should at all. I would wish the experience on absolutely, positively nobody. It changed me forever.

Would you ever want to get married? If so, why? Yes; the primary reason is I just really like the symbolism and general drive to always be and work together, but I also find it appealing for legal and financial ease when it comes to various processes.

Have you ever abused an animal? Hell fucking no.

Do you think animals are less important than humans? If so, why? Nope. They have just as much right to life and kindness as humans do, and you cannot change my mind. We came about existence and (varying degrees of) sentience the same way they did, so what the hell makes us better? And hey, at least animals don't consciously make evil decisions like we do...

Have you ever been sectioned? I am honestly STUNNED I haven't even HEARD this phrase before I just googled it, because I've been admitted to psych hospitals many times. The term "involuntary commitment" was used instead.

Are you on any medication? I'm on so many meds, and I hate it. I very much hold just how many meds I have been and also am still on as being responsible for my extreme memory problems. They're also why I have tremors in my hands. And why I have a chronically Sahara-dry mouth, like I'm supposed to carry a moistening spray for my mouth with me as instructed by my dentist because just how horribly dry my mouth is actually contributed to cavities in very difficult locations, like around the gum line and in difficult cracks.

Have you ever been homeless? Technically, yes, but I have Colleen to thank for ensuring I had some place to stay during this time. She, in her core, was not a very good person, but bad people are still capable of doing nice things. People are absolutely not merely black and white.

Have you ever had a steady job? Nope. Just three humiliating, very short-lived attempts.

Have you ever wanted to go to space? I absolutely would if it wasn't such a long, daunting journey. I feel like I would ultimately and very easily just cry if I went to and truly experienced outer space. That's the home of our very genesis, like I don't think anybody WOULDN'T cry.

Do you identify as a geek? If so, explain. Eh I guess so, I've definitely got my geeky interests and aesthetics and stuff, but I ultimately just don't care about labels and whether I fit them or not at this age.

What has been the most exciting moment of your life thus far? Markiplier acknowledging my existence lmfao

Do you have a dog that is destructive? Nah, Cookie's totally harmless.

Does your mom like to burn candles? Oh yes, she's big on Yankee candles.

Where’s the weirdest place you’ve ever slept? Zero clue. Nowhere very odd, I'm sure.

Quick! Chinese or Mexican? Mexican, I guess, but I'm not big on either.

How many significant others have you had in your WHOLE life? I only consider three TRULY significant. I uh, think. What I had with Sara was nowhere near what I felt/feel for Jason and Girt, but it was still significant to me.

When was the last time you applied chapstick? Not long ago, actually. It's been every day for like a week or two now... They're just constantly burning and the top lip has a notably red shade above it.

All the people you’ve kissed, what did their names start with? J, T, D (or "G" if you go by what I call him), and S.

What did you and your ex fight about most? Jason and I I'm pretty sure fought most about instances where games came before me. I think. This was just so long ago that our old fights barely exist in my head now. Sara and I mostly argued about RP stuff, which is so fucking stupid and is just a reminder to me of how not worth it that friendship was, we could never agree on shit, shit that wasn't even real.

Have you ever purchased condoms? I personally haven't, no.

What brand is your camera? It's a Canon EOS Rebel T6.

Do you like raisins? I absolutely hate raisins.

When did you first kiss the last person you kissed? It was the first time he visited my house after we started dating the first time. As we were hugging before he left, he like shyly mentioned he wanted to but clearly wanted my permission, which I gave him even though at this time, I was not ready. No fault of his own, he was mannerly and considerate in seeing if I was okay with it and I SAID yes, so it's my own fault. Obviously doesn't bother me nowadays though.

Have you ever gone on vacation with your boyfriend/girlfriend? No, but that'd be super nice one day.

Would you rather be able to talk to animals or be fluent in every language? Talk to animals. I feel like it would ultimately be more beneficial, like others could translate my English, speaking to animals would be a major new thing.

What was the last thing someone asked you for advice on? Uhhhh... I can't remember.

What are some things that make others cry, that don’t make you cry at all? There is honestly probably nothing. I cry very easily.

Have you ever swam in a saltwater pool? No, and I'm cool with never doing that.

List three people you’ve had crushes on. I'm only gonna list people I never dated: Sebastian, Kyle, and Alon.

How old were you when you were first head over heels in love? 16, 17.

List three people you had a hard time forgiving. Jason, Dad, Colleen.

Is there someone you are currently struggling to forgive? I don't think "struggling" is the right word, I straight-up refuse to forgive Sara for invalidating my trauma. I could possibly forgive everything else, but not that. Never that.

[TW: EATING DISORDER, SIMILAR BEHAVIORS] Have you ever tried to starve yourself in order to lose weight? Yes, but it's never gone far. I handle the feeling of hunger quite badly, especially if I am super in need of food, so I've never been able to resist all that long.

If applicable, what form of birth control do you use? I use the Tri-Sprintec birth control pills, and condoms are mandatory for me. Maybe TMI but pulling out is also not merely an option, my partner is absolutely gonna fucking do it. I'm unwilling to do anything less than those three together.

What gender do you identify as? What gender were you born as? Female for both questions.

Have you ever gotten high off a prescription medication? No.

Do you prefer tampons or pads? Honestly, I hate both. Tampons are just uncomfortable and tend to just not stay perfectly in place for me, and pads are like bloody diapers, but ultimately I use pads these days anyway. I sometimes wanna try to use the cup, but I know I wouldn't handle it well for a few reasons.

Have you ever used a tampon? Yes, I think I've used tampons for most of my menstruating life. I only recently switched back to pads.

Did your parents give you “the talk”? No, I learned about periods and sex solely from family life/sex ed classes in school during 4th and 5th grade.

Do you think you are attractive? Absolutely not.

Have you ever accidentally overdosed on a drug? Yes actually, but it just made me very tired. Mom called poison control or whatever and they let us know I'd be fine, I probably just would be sleepy.

Would you ever name a child after yourself? No, I honestly REALLY dislike parents naming their children after themselves. It comes across as so self-important and like the child's identity isn't their own. I worry if I do have kids/a son, Girt's mom is absolutely going to want a Donald III which she will absolutely, positively NOT get. I don't even like the name Donald.

Is there a guy or girl you wish things had worked out with? Not anymore!

Would you rather have a daughter or a son? I would very strongly prefer a daughter if I have children.

Have you ever written to an advice columnist? No.

If you’re female, would you feel uncomfortable having a male gynecologist? Yes, I would literally refuse a male gynecologist, like I'm sorry, but a man picking a career of examining vaginas and pretending it's not something he gets some sort of sexual satisfaction out of seems REMARKABLY unlikely to me.

Do you like Lisa Frank? Yeah, I really enjoy her aesthetic. Kinda want a Lisa Frank-ish tattoo at some point.

Were you ever hospitalized as a child? No.

Do you believe that drug addicts and alcoholics should count as people? Are you fucking kidding me with this????

Will you vote in the next presidential election? Yes.

What’s your favorite zoo animal? Meerkats! Even though my zoo no longer has them. :(

Are you allergic to your favorite animal? I wouldn't know, I've never been in contact with one.

Did you ever have to take home a fake baby in health class? No, thank fucking GOD.

Would you rather wear ivory or white on your wedding day? What color will your bridesmaids wear? Well, I most want to wear black, but if that wasn't an option, uh... idk, it would really depend on the dress. I think my bridesmaids are gonna wear orange; I want a black-and-gold themed wedding and I think orange would work okay. I think gold dresses would either be very expensive or just distracting, or both.

Have you ever taken a poetry course? No, but I absolutely would've if it was an option in school.

What would you name twin girls? I can basically promise you I would selectively abort if I got pregnant with twins even if I wanted children, BUT if I did keep both for whatever reason, I'm rather confident in Alessandra and Anneliese.

Are you named after anyone? No. Well, my middle name is frequently used as a middle name in my family, if you'd consider that as counting.

Do you want to have a bachelorette party? Idk, probably.

Would you be scared to meet God? My totally honest, rather confident opinion? Even if he existed, no. Because if he IS real, I have a negative amount of respect for him so therefore don't respect anything he'd think or feel. The idea of going to Hell is terrifying, yeah, but even that fear won't keep me from what I so firmly believe in these days.

Have you ever questioned God’s existence? Story of basically my entire life.

Is there a Kmart in your town? There once was quite close to here actually, but it's been closed for a veeeery long time now.

Do you enjoy seeing wedding and baby announcements on Facebook? Of course! Those are exciting times for people and I'm happy for them.

What would you say if you found out your last ex was in a relationship? I wouldn't say anything, idc.

Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? When it boils down to it, no. I want to keep moving forward.