#but my multi has been fueling all my writing desire

[scndor]

btw just a reminder i love sandor with my whole heart and soul !!

[elianas-cozycorner]

𝕷𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝕿𝖔 𝕷𝖔𝖛𝖊 | 𝕹𝖊𝖜𝖙 𝕾𝖈𝖆𝖒𝖆𝖓𝖉𝖊𝖗

Chapter One | Sweden

Summary: Several months after sharing a longing, intimate moment with your boss, Newt, you find yourself in the heart of a thrilling adventure.

Will chasing smugglers, taming dragons, and awkward family dinners be the key to pushing the two of you closer?

Author's Note: Here is the long awaited, long requested sequel to my fiction "Stumped"! Please, to all those who had previously enjoyed the story and requested this, accept my sincerest apologies.

I never knew how to continue the plotline until now. Rest assured, this multi-chapter fic will have everything you could ever desire! Depending on how this goes, I may change the rating. (人 •͈ᴗ•͈)

Disclaimer: I have made this work non-compliant with canon for several reasons. Including a) lack of desire to be associated with films 2 & 3, b) for flow and story purposes, and c) because I do not condone J.K.R's behavior and wish to use my writing to bring joy despite the hurt she has caused.

Ao3 - General Audience Word Count: 1099 Warnings: None

"And so it was that you were left to sketch and think. It seemed that Newt was not the only one in a predicament, as confusion too clouded your mind. You were stumped. Stumped as to why Newt had seemed so pleased with your staring, why his smiling never ceased, and why he had chosen to keep you in his company after that. " - Stumped (2020)

/////

The air was hot, the wind scorching, and no relief could be found in any amount of water you carried. Despite the great altitude, no snow decorated the cliff faces and mountain peaks. Each breath only served to fuel coughing fits, what with the dryness and heavy musk of dragon. By all accounts, the world should have been covered in white, howling winds should have whipped ice across the craggy stone, and you definitely shouldn’t have been in a simple blouse and trousers. 

Yet, here you were. Wand drawn and a thin cloth covering your mouth, without any form of elemental protection. You’d always imagined your first trip to Sweden would be for recreation. Though, you supposed, searching for a smuggled Swedish Short-snout hatchling was more exciting than an office job at the Ministry.

“How are you fairing, darling?” A smooth, strong voice called to you.

You looked up at the man, watching him clamber up another outcropping of rock. Newt was in as much a state of discomfort as you were. His once voluminous curls fell, soaked with sweat, into his face, his shirt sleeves were rolled up above his elbow, and the cloth he held to his face was grimy. However, there was a crinkle at the corner of his eye that told you just how much he was enjoying this. You couldn’t help but return his smile though he couldn’t see it. 

“Perfectly content, Mr. Scamander! I only wonder at the heat, it is unexpected!” You tried your best to keep your voice level. 

“She must be in distress,” He took a moment to catch his breath. “I haven’t seen any blue flames yet, so she is still a good way up.”

“I suppose she’s turned much of the mountain side up there black.” You caught up with him and leaned on him for support.

“And any foliage to ash,” There was a fondness in his voice. “It’s likely how she escaped her captors to begin with. Many smugglers are unprepared for the heat of a Short-snout’s fire.”

You nodded and flicked your wand. The charm was quick to take effect, cooling both of you instantly. You would not risk cleansing your attire or casting a verbal spell here. The sweat and dragon musk clung to your clothing like a natural camouflage. It would be hard for the dragon to detect you, much less so if you kept your spell-casting to a minimum. 

Newt thanked you once he’d finished taking a sip of water. The synthetic waterskin was enchanted to keep its contents cool and permanently full. He offered it to you shyly, bumping it against your hand gently. 

“Drink.” His voice was soft, gentle. He wouldn’t command you to drink against your will, but there was a heavy tone of suggestion there nonetheless. It was your turn to thank him.

You took the waterskin, careful not to let your touch linger too long. Ever since that day in the suitcase, when your eyes had met and the world slowed to a stop, things had been different. Awkward. It never hindered your work, never interfered with your capabilities in tending to and drawing Mr. Scamander’s creatures, but it was always there. For you, anyway. It didn’t seem as though Newt understood how wholly that moment changed things for you. He was too sweet, too gentlemanly, to think of it as anything other than a moment between friends. 

“Try to keep up, Mr. Scamander.” You forged ahead, unable to stand beside him for longer than was necessary. 

Eventually, your trek up the mountainside proved fruitful. Newt once again led the way up. The heat only worsened, but that was to be expected when the stone underfoot was blackened and cracked. Any plants that may have grown from crevices in the rock were turned into small piles of ash, blown about by the wind. Which, as it happened, was not wind at all. The second thing to catch the eye of one Mr. Newt Scamander, was the flurry of movement from above. He placed his hand out behind him, palm facing you, and brought a finger to his lips. Then he pointed up.

Above, on an outcropping of stone, giant wings beat the air and battered against the rocks. Occasionally, chunks of char and sediment were flung down or broke off. The sound of the dragon’s beating wings paired with the gusts of wind against your skin. You had not been listening to the rage of mother nature. Instead, it had been the hatchling. With a look of concern, Newt pulled out two sets of thick, rubbery gloves and black, sturdy goggles. No words were exchanged as each of you donned the new accessories. The fire-resistant material felt strange against the skin, but otherwise did not offer much inconvenience. Just as Newt turned to lead you up to the outcropping, a massive chain swung down. It rattled evilly, smacking down across several sharp protrusions, and barely missed the Magizoologist. 

Newt pressed himself flush with the mountain and tugged you with him. “Careful! She must have tangled herself up when landing.”

The chain rose up through the air once more and now it was obvious that with each attempt at flight, the flapping was accompanied by rattling and creaking. Before, you had watched the pretty, pale creature take off into the sky but now she was grounded. A plume of searing blue flame spread out and up into the sky. The smell of burnt hair caused your stomach to twist. 

Looking to the man currently under the employment of the ‘Dragon Research and Restraint Bureau’ you began, “Mr. Scamander–”

He said your name, “It’s Newt. Please. Newt is far shorter and works best in cases such as these.”

You started again, “Merlin’s beard! Alright, Newt. How do you propose we get up there?”

“It’s far too dangerous to go up now, she’ll knock us off or roast us.” He chuckled lightly. “But it’s too dangerous to leave her up there alone. Those chains have to come off.”

“How do you calm a Swedish Short-snout?” You leaned closer to him as another, smaller chain whips by. 

"You know," He looked at you. "I am not entirely sure."

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

How did the myth that Nazis weren’t religious even begin? Because you never really hear about just how religious the Nazis actually were, even though all of them were very, explicitly clear about the large role that Xianity played in and fueled their extreme, violent antisemitism. Its not even an fucking hidden or uncertain aspect of their ideology in the least!

I honestly don't know. My guess is that Xians realized it was too big for "nOt A tRuE cHrIsTiAn!!1!!" and it went from there.

Well, he couldn't have been a Xian, he must have been an atheist pretending to be a Xian. Yes, that's it. It was all just an act. Ignore his multi-chapter, comprehensive manifesto written in his own words because "yOu'Re tAkInG iT oUt oF cOnTeXt!!!!1!"

“For me, and for all genuine National Socialists, there is only one slogan: People and Fatherland.

What we have to fight for is the necessary security for the existence and increase of our race and people, the subsistence of our children and the maintenance of our racial stock unmixed, the freedom and independence of the Fatherland, so that our people may be enabled to fulfil the mission assigned to it by the Creator.”

["God With Us" Nazi belt buckle.]

It's the same mentality that rationalizes their god's prescription of slavery, and manages to construe murdering all of Egypt's firstborn as a loving deed.

It seems like, as with the creation of Xianity itself, Xians simply started writing what they wanted to be true. Repeated often enough, it becomes the Truth™.

Here's the thing, though. The point of recognizing that Hitler was a Xian isn't to call other Xians Nazis or that Xianity itself is synonymous with Nazism or anything even remotely similar.

It's to point out that the belief system supports both the "nice" stuff and the truly horrific stuff with equal justification, because there is no one understanding of the Word of God. And if a belief is that malleable, if its "truth" is that opaque, subjective and open to interpretation, then what good is it? It still leaves right and wrong entirely up to the subjective morality, or worse, preferences, of the believer, but now they have divine authority and the pretence of objective morality.

And, of course, to recognize reality itself, and stop allowing believers to act like non-belief leads to atrocities like the Holocaust.

Believers insisting that non-believers have no moral compass, then turning around and insisting Hitler was "nOt A tRuE cHrIsTiAn!!1!!" have committed intellectual seppuku.

==

If you read through the excerpt I posted, he's clearly a nationalist, putting Germany's interests - domination, really - ahead of European cooperation and co-existence. Whatever legitimately "bad" aspects of Jewish history might exist, he ascribes to all Jews (inherited guilt) and attributes Jewish success to an intentional agenda and conspiracy. He clearly presupposes that the Jewish people are the root of the country's problems, and perceives them as astonishingly calculating, powerful, treacherous and duplicitous. He gives them almost mystical powers to manipulate and control the world, casting them as tyrants and oppressors, with the deliberate intention to dehumanize them.

And he lectures extensively about what life is like for the Jews, having never lived as one, what their intent and mission is, based only on his own assumptions, and how they manipulate others into perpetuating their objectives, even against their own interests. He's not open to any other explanation or alternative. He has a grievance and it's what motivates him. And his solution is radical and violent revolution and social upheaval.

So, whatever valid points or observations he may have had - by which I mean about problems faced by German society, not the purported Machiavellian nature of the Jewish people - are completely lost in his profound hatred for the Jews, his desire to lay all the blame on them and his mission to radically snatch away from them all this perceived power and influence.

“Nature, the eternal, takes merciless vengeance on those who defy her laws. Therefore, I believe to-day that my conduct is in accordance with the will of the Almighty Creator. In resisting the Jew I am defending the handiwork of the Lord.”

It's no wonder the Grievance Studies affair was able to get a mildly rewritten chapter accepted and published in an Intersectional Feminism journal.

Isn't that the same thing we're hearing from The Elect, the same ideas playing out in real-time today? Change the nouns in Hitler's polemic against the Jews and you've got modern Intersectional activism, which blames everything on systemic "isms" and nefarious yet nebulous power structures that certain groups have supposedly conspired to weave into society, to convince everyone to unquestioning accept the superiority of those groups and perpetuate their power... even when reality says otherwise. To make it okay to hate and blame the people the ideology has decided it’s okay to hate and blame.

Dehumanizing and stereotyping in the name of Intersectionality, as Hitler did in the name of the Fatherland. It’s not just acceptable, but required to hate and vilify the selected category of human, and talk enthusiastically about your hope for their destruction, and how much better life would be if you could obliterate them all. They are the same mentality.

And advocating the same remedy. It's also likewise not a hidden or uncertain aspect of their ideology either.

I can't help wondering how, in 5, 10, 20 years, followers of the underlying theories and ideologies will go about the process of disavowing the current moment.

[elganac]

———  BASICS  !

·         (PEN)NAME: borbie, borb, birdie

·         PRONOUNS: she/her or they/them!

·         ZODIAC  SIGN: virgo

·         TAKEN  OR  SINGLE: single

———  THREE  FACTS  !

i’m currently trying to be a content creator off tumblr ( tuber of the v variety! )

i’ve been playing candy crush almost everyday for the past like two months

i’ve been on tumblr since uhhh 2013, maybe even 2012???

———  EXPERIENCE  !

·         PLATFORMS USED: mainly tumblr, though i originally started off via text messages and kik! i’ve also rp’d on discord, but it’s difficult for me to keep track of and maintain muse for those threads since the back and forth is too fast for me. ofc there was also the skype period

———  MUSE  PREFERENCE  !

·         GENDER: kind of 50/50 really?? i have more male muses than female but i think that just kinda happened. i think i prefer female muses in a way though! 

·         LEAST FAVOURITE FACE(S): idk what this question actually means but uhhh i guess i dont really lean towards like, “scary” or “aggressive” looking face claims? my muses tend to be on the cutesy or mischievous side, like even nate who is the more serious of the selection is really just a big shit poster, so while he has like aggressive tendencies he’s not really an aggressive face. does this even make sense lmao????

·         MULTI OR SINGLE: putting all of my muses onto one blog has been the best move to maintain my sanity

———  FLUFF  /  ANGST  /  SMUT  !  ♡  

·         FLUFF: i crave fluff sometimes, i really do. sometimes it’s very repetitive and redundant but honestly sometimes i could just rp the same concept over and over again with different rp partners so see different reactions and the nuances in relationships. like sharing a bath — it’s not a new concept on my blog or my muses’ relationships, but i will always love writing about muses wanting to share a bath together or like sharing a bed together, stuff like that. 

          especially when it comes to muses like alison and emile who are hopeless romantics and just thrive off of being in love and being cared for — it really is so fcking cute to write fluff when it fuels a close bond 

·         ANGST: i honestly haven’t written angst in so long, but i def do enjoy it for the sake of character development and exploring dynamics. i’m not really a fan of angst for the sake of angst anymore since it gets really tiring to just make a muse suffer just because especially when it’s like the most outrageous of circumstances, but if there’s actually a direction and a reason to the angst, i really enjoy it. especially if there’s a lot of room for plotting between me and my rp partner

·         SMUT: mindless smut sometimes is good in the sense it’s self-indulgent for me, but if it’s overdone, i do get burnt out really quickly. i usually reserve smut for closer rp partners or more established ships, but sometimes i’ll open it up to flings to explore new relationships and situations with muses. but tbh, one of my fave kind of smut is the kind that allows for a lot of exploration of a muse’s sexuality. not just who they’re attracted to but also just like, them learning how to manage and cope with sexual desire, sexual activities, and sexual exploration overall. i especially love this with alison because her perspective is skewed as a result of some trauma, so i always enjoy letting her explore her sexuality with other muses. 

·         PLOT  /  MEMES: i absolutely love plotting. i love plotting so much, like it honestly gives me so much joy to yell at people on discord about our muses and just take an idea and spin it into something so much bigger. i like memes too, but i feel like sometimes i get anxious from them just sitting in my inbox even tho there’s technically no rush or obligation to even answer the memes. it’s a weird thing, but memes are def a good way to break the ice sometimes. i wish i was able to send more memes out to people, but it’s hard to find time to sit down and scroll through the memes to find a good one to send to people :pensive: 

tagged by: @madamhatter​ ( weeps this was from ages ago!!!! )

[fapangel]

Ukrainian Air Defense – In-Depth Overview

google docs

My day-one overview of Ukrainian air defenses was only partially accurate, mainly in the broad-brush sense (i.e. no integrated air defense, no ballistic missile defense, but a persistent SHORAD threat.) However I was grossly negligent in my evaluation of how many maneuver SHORAD and medium-altitude capable SAMs they had – the picture looks much better than I initially reported.

The difficulty of research owes to a paucity of decent English-language sources and the fact that Ukraine has a large stockpile of Soviet-era equipment that is often cited as the “paper” arsenal, but this doesn’t tell us anything about the number of actually operable systems. As Russia’s problems with rotted tires demonstrate, even mere trucks cannot be left alone in a depot and still be fully operational in even a single year; Ukraine’s weapons have been sitting for decades. The ever-excellent Oryx’s writeup on the multi-year effort to restore just Six Tor (SA-15 Gauntlet) systems to active service gives an idea of the challenges Ukraine had to face. (This also highlights the significance of Ukraine’s current captures from the Russian military; at time of writing three captured Tors are in their possession; in a matter of days they have increased their number of these systems by half-again.) These three sources are the only ones I could find on the actual numbers of operational systems fielded by Ukraine before the war began, so I’ll have to rely on these. Especially for the older/longer-ranged SAMs the number/type of vehicles per effective battery is vague; I’m basing this off nominal Soviet/Russian practices but Ukraine isn’t obligated to do likewise. More concrete numbers are (sometimes) available for the mobile SHORAD systems.

Ukraine’s inventory pre-war:

Theater defense systems (long range):

S-300PT and S-300PS (SA-10/SA-10B “Grumble”): Unclear organization. Batteries are nominally twelve TELs (four missiles each) plus a command/computer vehicle, a CLAM SHELL search radar and a FLAP LID fire control radar. Three batteries to the regiment. However, less TELs can be assigned if desired. Additionally, the PT utilizes towed missile launchers (ergo they are only EL’s, erector-launchers,) unlike the PS which has proper self-mobile TELs. These – along with a handful of S-300V1 (SA-12 Giant) systems are organized into “five or six brigades and a similar number of independent regiments” which means fuck-all to me. Nor is the difference in numbers between towed and self-mobile systems made clear. At the most pessimistic assumption of 12 TELs per battery assume 16 total batteries (i.e. pairs of engagement radars) with each able to engage six targets at a time.

9k81 S-300V (SA-12 “Giant”): Highly unclear numbers. One source credits “a few” battalions (each battalion consists of four batteries.) Difficult to find any further information. This system is actually two different systems owing to it using two different missiles, the 9M83 (SA-12A “Gladiator”) is an anti-aircraft and anti-missile weapon, whilst the 9M82 (SA-12B “Giant”) is essentially the same missile with a bigger solid-fuel rocket motor, optimizing it for engaging tactical ballistic missiles at the cost of magazine depth. (Three Gladiators or two Giants per TEL.) The batteries apparently split their twelve nominal TELs evenly between these two missile types. I have no idea if Ukraine is operating both types and/or has full complements per alleged battalion, so I’m going to assume one battalion of four batteries each; making for four more radars that (to the best of my knowledge) should be able to illuminate for the related S-300PT/PS systems. Even with a few more batteries the dated nature of the system (i.e. likely low pK%) and the sophistication of contemporary Russian Iskanders means it’d make little difference; Ukraine is still effectively without serious ability to stop Tactical Ballistic Missile attacks, as they’d have to concentrate multiple batteries to properly protect one area.

S-200 (SA-5 “Gammon”): Reportedly none, as they were installed in fixed sites that were damaged by their earlier removal for storage. However, this does not preclude a hasty/makeshift deployment now that Ukraine is on a war footing. Three batteries nominally available to make operational.

Medium range, med/high altitude systems:

2K12 Kub (SA-6 “Gainful”): Two regiments active. A battery consists of four missile TELs and one radar vehicle with four batteries per regiment. This equals 40 vehicles, with 8 batteries carrying 12 ready missiles each. Every battery can engage one target at a time.

9K37 Buk M-1(2?) (SA-11 “Gadfly”): Three regiments of eight batteries each, with each battery consisting of three vehicles (two TELARs which carry missiles and a fire-control radar and a TEL which carries missiles and a crane to reload the TELARs) for a total of 72 vehicles. Each battery can engage two targets at once. There’s some limited interchangeability between this and the older Kub from which it evolved (likely can guide weapons for each other.)

S-125-2D Pechora (SA-3 “Goa”): Allegedly two regiments with four launchers and two radars (search and fire control) per battery. Ukraine clearly uses the stationary four-rail launchers instead of the towed three-rail variant. Reported domestic upgrades (in addition to using a significantly newer radar) amount to a much more modern system than the original pure SARH weapon; the missile is directed to the kill-box by the ground station and only relies on its own SARH guidance for terminal attack. While not a true track-via-missile system it should perform much more similar to one; i.e. using proper lead-pursuit against high-rate crossing targets etc. Can’t find information on batteries per regiment; will assume 4 as with other Soviet-style air-defense regiments; for a total of eight launchers. Simultaneous engagements are probably only one-per; however “time-sharing” of missile illumination like AEGIS does cannot be ruled out.

Maneuver SHORAD vehicles:

(Note these vehicles are all self-contained shooters; thus units == batteries.)

9k330 Tor-M (SA-15 “Gauntlet”): Six operational vehicles. Now nine, if all three recently captured examples are restored to operation.

9kk33 Osa (SA-8 “Gecko”): Unclear. Source alleges a total of 75ish SA-8s and SA-13 “Gophers” operational, no word on how many of each. Wikipedia reports 125 SA-8ts and 150+ SA-13s; illustrating the difference between total paper figures and operational systems.

9K35 Strela 10b (SA-13 “Gopher”): See above.

K22 Tunguska (SA-19 “Grison”): Seventy-five vehicles. Combined SPAAG (self-propelled anti-aircraft gun) and SAM launcher; max range ~8km or so for the SAMs. From what I can find the SAM’s are command-guided with high velocity (Mach 3) but low range; which makes sense given that they’re co-located with a twin 30mm gun system (they’re employed much the same.) Accurate, but limited in range.

ZSU-23-4 Shilka: 300 in storage, unknown how many are operational. A useful weapon still, but in the current fight likely inferior to the many Stinger MANPADs already in Ukrainian service for the purposes of air defense against helicopters.

State of Ukrainian Air Defense:

What this all means for Ukrainian air defense:

True area denial of Ukrainian airspace is difficult, but a long-range threat over the major battle areas is still possible. With the age of the SA-10 system and Russia’s intimate knowledge of it, defensive jammers on aircraft, standoff jamming support etc. will be markedly more effective than on contemporary weapons, to say nothing of the older system’s lower baseline pK% (probability-of-kill). Especially since a good number (unknown how many) are towed, their ability to relocate to avoid counter-attacks is dismal. However this must be evaluated in light of the Russian air force’s dismal performance so far; almost complete lack of sorties for the first week, and now that they’re finally turning out in some numbers they are already taking losses at unsustainable rates. While their relative dearth of SEAD weapons is known, (with only two ARMs available, likely of only average capabilities) their structural inability to plan large, complicated air ops was hithero unknown to me and also most expert commentators (though they are the ones who damn well should have known.)

A “large, complicated air op” may be the definition of proper SEAD/DEAD missions as it involves coordination of sensors and shooters. While the aircraft itself can engage with an ARM unsupported, targeting is greatly assisted by dedicated standoff ELINT aircraft, which can not only provide a bearing to the target radar, but a much better range estimate, letting the attacking pilots know if their weapons can reach the target. It also pinpoints the target’s location much better for a dedicated attack on the site the old-fashioned way (Vietnam style; low-level cluster-bombing of the battery directly.) In short, Ukraine’s SA-10s can feasibly take pot shots at long range without serious danger of reprisal. (Any decent ARM made since mid-Vietnam war includes a “memory” so it can continue an engagement when the targeted radar shuts off, but the further away the target is when the radar goes cold, the further the missile has to rely on comparatively inaccurate INS guidance. Depending on how quick the defending pilot is on the gun, and how quickly the SAM operator can conclude his engagement and shut off his radars, there’s an excellent chance the incoming ARM won’t hit the broad side of a barn. This is precisely why the latest versions of the venerable HARM also have GPS/INS guidance to more accurately hit the known vicinity of the launcher, using data passed to the shooter before launch from better sensor platforms, and even active millimeter-wave radar that can not only pick out the SAM battery’s vehicles, but identify the silhouette of the radars and target them to decisively put the battery out of action.)

Ukraine’s ability to defend against long-range precision missile attack is low, not not nonexistent. Against the Iskander there’s almost nothing to be done; only the S-300V could attempt to engage those, and between the dated nature of the system and the evasive capabilities of the Iskander, even that is dubious. Against cruise missiles, however, the news is better. The SA-11 systems have some ability to successfully engage cruise missiles. The handful (six, possibly nine) SA-15 batteries can definitely do well at this, as one of its original missions was intended to be point-defense against cruise missile attacks. Surprisingly, even the SA-8 and SA-19 have some capability here as well; despite using command-guided weapons, the high speed/acceleration of the missiles (Mach 2.4 and 3 respectively) make them surprisingly accurate, and their poor utility in crossing engagements is mitigated by them being small, self-contained launchers easy to place right next to high value targets needing protection (i.e. point-defense.) The Russian Kalibr cruise missile presents a unique challenge here as it has a terminal supersonic “sprint,” but both these systems would at least stand some chance, if not great, of engaging various legacy air-launched Russian cruise missiles without this feature.

The challenge for using these systems is one of speed; specifically detection-to-engagement. The US “Avenger” system has a “slew-to-cue” feature, where it can be directed to aim at a bearing by data passed from off-board defense radars; allowing the missiles to aim at where an incoming air threat will be when it crests the horizon (or treeline.) Russian mobile SHORAD systems of yesteryear often had “battery command vehicles” with their own superior search radars and simple datalinks to provide similar unified service for their unit’s launch vehicles. How many such vehicles are still operable and/or available to the Ukrainians I cannot say. These datalink systems are (obviously) incompatible with longer-range radars/sensors such as the ones the surviving S-300 batteries have; (such extensive networking for small mobile SHORAD is a development these Soviet-era systems significantly predate.) More primitive arrangements can still be effective, however, if only co-locationg their most effective point-defense systems with some longer-ranged SA-11s and simply “going live when we hear the Buk crack off.”

Given persistent reports of outgoing SAM fire from Kiev, it should not be taken completely for granted that every single-weapon Russian cruise missile strike is guaranteed to hit.

Ukraine can present a persistent threat to Russian tactical aviation, both CAS and strike aircraft. The SA-11 “Gadfly” is an improved version of the SA-6 “Gainful.” The latter, older system can still be dangerous, as evidenced by the damage it inflicted on the infamous Package-Q strike in the Gulf War. Its limitations were also illustrated by the F-16 driver who famously dodged six Gainful missiles in a row; but while he was fighting for his life he was not accomplishing his mission. (Note the Package-Q strike went to hell when the Iraqi SAM operators realized that the Wild Weasel Phantoms had RTB’d due to bingo fuel, and were free to turn on their radars and start shooting in earnest.) There’s also the experience of Operation Allied Force, where a Serbian SA-6 managed to down an F-16 – over a month after the fighting had begun in earnest. US airpower, which had been perfecting the art of SEAD/DEAD since developing the art in Vietnam, was still unable to conclusively destroy all Serbian SA-6 batteries due to their small size and high mobility. This is the essential lesson – while short/medium range systems like the Buk and Kub cannot deny large swathes of the air to hostile forces, they can lurk in the weeds and pop up to bite the enemy in the ass. That persistent threat either forces the enemy to expend more effort to achieve the same result (providing SEAD, etc.) or if they cannot (like Russia, apparently,) force them to accept the constant attrition of previous airframes. The SAMs will take attrition too; on D+2 incredible footage was caught of a Russian MI-24 catching a Ukrainian Kub whilst in-transit on trailers, for instance. But without high-altitude SEAD tactics, this is Russia’s only option; and going into the weeds with tac-air and CAS guarantees heavy attrition from MANPADs. This, more than any other consideration, is what is restraining Russia from using their air power effectively. If they cannot at least suppress these SAMs while they are actively prosecuting strike missions, they are going to take unsustainable losses during constant operations.

Ukraine has enough mobile SHORAD systems to enable effective use of their maneuver formations even in the face of hostile Russian attack helicopters and jets. This is aided greatly by the excellent saturation of modern MANPADs courtesy of NATO. “Maneuver SHORAD” systems have often consisted simply of a MANPAD missile launcher that’s been motorized - the American Avenger is a classic example. The Avenger is also a classic example of insufficient maneuver SHORAD that only works for people who have a powerful air force to handle the majority of air defense for them, illustrating the limitations there. However, this is both a question of coverage, as well as capability. While Ukraine’s number of operable SHORAD systems may be insufficient for the number of maneuver formations they have on paper, this is made up for by the MANPADs. MANPADs are crappy missiles; they have little energy, limited envelopes and poor guidance by the standards of larger missiles – but since they’re tiny (two-man infantry teams) they can come out of nowhere, and be fielded in numbers, which is how they score kills. You may dodge six MANPADs, but it’s the seventh one – fired from close range with a great angle – that ends up killing you. Likewise, while Ukraine’s SHORAD vehicles may be relatively scarce on the ground, they provide bigger, more capable weapons that pose a much greater danger to any attack helicopter caught in their sights. Their weapons can also reach significantly higher, and are effective against faster aircraft, making them a decent deterrent to strike/multirole fighters like Russia’s SU-30s/SU-34s.

Given proper utilization (which Ukraine seems to be doing), Ukraine is fully capable of keeping the Russian air force, as it’s been revealed to be, from making a scale-tilting contribution to this war.

Post-script edit:

Other Notes:

1. Every Russian SAM system since at least the SA-2 has included a backup optical guidance system to engage targets even under conditions of heavy jamming. On more traditional missile systems, including the SA-2, SA-3, SA-6 and SA-11, this more or less amounted to 1. a useful way to visually identify targets at closer ranges and 2. a fucking bad joke, because all this would allow is vectoring a missile into the general area of an incoming aircraft with a time-set fuze; like a huge anti-aircraft gun... and not one with radio proximity fuzing, either. The Package Q strike was taking ballistic launches of that nature (which did nothing,) which is why things only got hot when the Wild Weasels had to RTB and the Iraqi’s could actually guide their weapons. (The SA-11, at least, will resort to pure command guidance in this situation.)

However, for the Ukrainians, there’s some advantages to these electro-optical aiming systems; namely they allow passive positive ID of aircraft without having to turn on their radars. This allows Ukranian AD batteries to stay well-hidden and camouflaged, engines off (and thus less visible even on thermals) and only turn on to engage when they know hostiles are in the area. (With some MANPAD teams providing cover against marauding attack choppers or CAS jets, of course.) These backup electro-optical systems are especially useful for the SA-8 and SA-19 given how their weapons work; especially the SA-19; these units can hit the target without their search radars on. By the time the enemy gets a radar threat warning, the AD unit is already firing. These should excel at engaging low-flying helicopters, which is the majority of Russian CAS assets.

The 3KM minimum range of the SA-11 means that such ambushes are less feasible; however (in theory) it should allow the unit to fire a missile using passive radio command guidance and guide it towards a hostile, then turn on the radar when the missile is already close. How well this works depends on how sophisticated the command-guidance is; (it may not be able to conduct lead pursuits against crossing targets,) but there is at least the potential. An expert in Soviet AD systems I am not; if you can find one, please tell.

2. An oft-forgotten aspect of Soviet SHORAD systemsthat the Russians, being absolutely insane, has a secondary ability to conduct surface to surface attacks; just in case Glorious Rodina managed to shoot down all of NATO’s planes, they could expend their remaining missiles on ground targets. This capability is obviously limited, and it’s usefulness to a nation slinging Javelins around, obviously low. There is, however, one significant possible application in this war – shore-to-sea missile attacks.

Ukraine’s domestic anti-ship cruise missile, the Neptune, reportedly had its first delivery made in late 2021 – how many are operational, however, is anyone’s guess. Should that number be insufficient to stave off the expected naval landings near Odessa, SA-11s could theoretically be added to the attack. Against a sea target, with minimal ground clutter, the semi-active guidance system should work decently, and even the backup command-guidance option may suffice. If nothing else it will add mass to the attack; helping saturate the LST’s point-defense to get the Neptune’s through.

It should be noted that the SA-3 system nominally had that capability, and given the Ukrainian upgrades to a better radar and a combined command-guidance/SARH terminal attack, there is potential for similar employment. Unlike the SA-11 they take time to transport and set up, but given that the Russian LST’s must land on the beach themselves (instead of dispatching fast hovercraft moving at twice to three times their speed from over the horizon, as most nations do,) there may yet be the opportunity to attempt that employment. Alternatively the Russians may prove predictable and come right to the batteries themselves, esp. if they were set up near Odessa.

It is absolutely insane to me that this is relevant.

[bookandcover]

For the first time, my family’s Anti-Racism Book Club decided to select a book by a non-Black author. The original intention of our book club was to help our white family discuss the Black experience in America today, to look more closely at both historical and contemporary books that would educate us and challenge us to talk about topics around race with our family. While I believe we will continue to prioritize work by Black authors at present, the Indigenous experience in America is complex, multi-layered, and deserves so much more of our time, energy, and understanding. I hope that we will get there. I recognize that we have the luxury of being in the process of learning about these experiences, rather than having had to learn too fast and too early as do the targets of institutionalized racism.

Braiding Sweetgrass is a beautiful account of “ways of knowing” as author Robin Wall Kimmerer explores her understanding of the natural world and her relationship to it as a science researcher and as a member of the Potawatomi Nation. Collectively, these stories—of cedar trees and salmon runs, of rescued and researched salamanders, of college students taking to the marsh to study and to learn (I loved when they pretended to go shopping for supplies at “Wal-marsh”)—paint the portrait of a different relationship we humans could have with the natural world than the one we’re all too familiar with. So often we think of nature as resources, natural resources limited in supply, the source of competition and scarcity in our global economy. What if, instead, we could revolutionize our thinking and our relationship and approach the natural world as plenty, as teeming with gifts of abundance, of returning the love we show it back to us in so many forms?

To arrive at this worldview, Kimmerer needs the knowledge both of science and of indigenous wisdom. She does not condemn science. She reinvents it. Or, perhaps, sees it as it always should have been: a line of questioning born out of a desire to listen and to learn, an investigation fueled by the heart as well as the mind, a space that welcomes many theories and does not prioritize power over truth. She does push back against scientific institutions that put analysis above all else. As a teacher, she tries to instill just as much wonder in her students as facts. Her students, understanding this, sing Amazing Grace in the wilderness, and Kimmerer writes, “In their caress of that old hymn I came to know that it wasn’t naming the source of wonder that mattered, it was wonder itself.” She recognizes how easily what we perceive as facts are truths born of our viewpoint on the natural world and on ourselves. Kimmerer develops a deeply personal relationship with nature. She shares indigenous stories—those of Skywoman and Nanabozho—intertwined with her own stories of trying to understand the land where she makes her contemporary life—clearing the pond of algae so her young daughters can swim, tapping maple trees and boiling sap for syrup, harvesting wild leeks, and weaving Black Ash baskets.

While at times Kimmerer seems to get narratively lost in the details of her lifestyle, it’s the details that make the powerful collective whole. While she can spend pages explaining the mutually beneficial relationship between an alga and a fungus that makes up lichen, it’s her joy in these details that wins us over and that reveals how—if we look closely—the natural world has so much to teach us. My favorite perspective of Kimmerer’s on science is that science is like listening. The natural world cannot speak our language, but it can communicate with us fully, if we can slow down and pay attention. Kimmerer writes, “Because we can’t speak the same language, our work as scientists is to piece together the story as best we can.” Science is an act of measurement and listening, of paying attention. It’s a conduit through which nature speaks to us. In this way, nature can be our best teacher, a theme Kimmerer returns to repeatedly. As she explores her own roles as teacher and as mother, she reflects her strength and success in these roles back onto nature. Nature is her teacher and nature is her mother, and “paying attention acknowledges that we have something to learn from intelligences other than our own.” The best teacher and mother that Kimmerer can be is one who redirects the eyes of her students and her daughters (and her readers) back onto the teacher-mother earth in a way that lets us see and newly understand.

I think that the aspect of this book that will have the longest lasting impact on me is the way Kimmerer talks about a gift economy and the value of reciprocity. I have found myself thinking in new terms about gratitude and how to answer the gifts I receive with gifts in return. A gift economy is one that perceives abundance and answers abundance with generosity. I can see in myself that when I live with a mindset of abundance, I’m happier. I see blessings come back to me in many ways. Reciprocity is an extension of this which I never considered before. How do I answer the gift of someone else’s time and attention? How do I gift back resources I’ve taken for granted?

While I am not surrounded by tons of natural world here in the heart of Manhattan, I find myself looking at my food with new eyes. I was inspired by Kimmerer’s humble approach: “I try to sense the trees in that stack of paper and address my thoughts to them, but the taking of their lives is so far removed from this shelf that there is just a distant echo.” Even with only the echo, I wonder: How did this apple arrive here in my hand? What was its journey? How can I show reciprocity for the food that has made it to this urban Trader Joe’s? For the hands that stacked and shelved it, and moved it here, and before that grew and harvested it. How many people’s care went into this apple? And how about the tree that grew it and the plants around it that shared nutrients and the other apples the fell or were plucked together as batch-mates? How can I be grateful for these things and answer them truly? I drew my sister a picture of a fisher cat because I listened to this book on her Audible account. It’s a reciprocity I would not have considered before.

Yet, I feel grateful to have known many of the things that appear in this book. I appreciate how much closer my relationship has been with the land than many people’s—with a mom, a dad, and a sister who are all scientists; with a family who stacked and hauled firewood, who hayed every summer, who tapped maple trees and carried sap. Throughout my childhood, my mother waylaid us with endless projects—from hacking moss from the yard and seeding grass to carrying water in winter for farm animals to taking river rocks for a fire pit. I related to the moment where Kimmerer’s daughters complain as I often did (do): “When my daughters remember our sugaring adventure now, they roll their eyes and groan, ‘That was so much work.’ They remember hauling branches to feed the fire and slopping sap on their jackets as they carried heavy buckets. They tease me for being a wretched mother who wove their connection to the land through forced labor.” Both big and small tasks—canning, making jam, tying up tomato plants, thinning carrots, shoveling manure, sheering sheep—these tasks were often things I scowled at as a kid. I was deeply ashamed when I showed up to a ninth grade choir practice with chicken droppings impressed into the treads of my old sneakers. I felt misfit for the ways my family lived in relationship with the land. I’ve never romanticized this toil like both my parents did. Yet, I know I’m also grateful for it, for the understanding it brought me.

Of course, my relationship with these things was one of doing and one of proximity. The narratives of indigenous knowing are new to me, and I appreciate how they brought me closer to gratitude. I’ve looked at the natural world through the lens of scientific knowledge, but also through the lens of wonder. As a kid, we had a children’s book called “The Caretakers of Wonder” in which mysterious figures behind the scenes rehang the stars in the sky and paint the clouds and decorate the trees with ripe apples. I thought of this connection first as Kimmerer and several students transported migrating salamanders across the road in the dark and rain. To me, Kimmerer and her family and friends seemed so often like these caretakers, giving back to the natural world which already gives so luxuriously to us.

This novel ends with an indigenous classic story reinvented, or expanded. The windigo—the terrible hungry figures that feed without satiation on human flesh—take on a metaphorical resonance with the human greed that shapes our economy and our relationship with the natural as scarce resources (to be exploited as quickly as possible and for gross profit). Kimmerer defeats the windigo, however, with a cup of poisoned tea followed by a healing draft. This second tea contains willow and strawberries, white pine and pecans, witch hazel and maple—all the natural ingredients that have featured in the stories in this book and taken on individual meanings—hope and wellness, happiness and gratitude, healing and helpfulness. “You can’t know reciprocity until you know the gift,” Kimmerer writes. With a tea of stories, Kimmerer cures the windigo, just like she perhaps hopes to cure us—by handing us stories of the best teachers that can give us the kind of gratefulness and generosity these natural persons already employ.

Reading this book, I was reminded how, in my animal ethics class in college, I was introduced to the term “non-human persons” and I’d somehow forgotten this term in the intervening time. I’m glad to re-embrace it. Who are we to exclude non-human persons from our narratives, instead of placing them at the forefront, as indigenous stories do? And as Kimmmerer does while she bridges the worlds of her personal development, the indigenous and the scientific. Both worlds are the domains of nature. Nature and science should not be at odds. Humans and non-human persons should not be at odds. We have the opportunity to become native to this place (those of us who are immigrants here). We have the opportunity to drink the tea of stories and curb our hunger, to turn our eyes to abundance and gifts.

[lananiscorner]

Writing ask meme - 1, 2, and 3!

Thank for your ask, cerusee!

1. Which of your fics would you keep the basic plot of but rewrite completely?

Ooof, starting out with a tough one... I think it would be a toss up between two of my current published WIPs:

Unsettled: I started writing this one after Darksiders 3 came out, basing the characterizaton of the main character on how he was portrayed in that game... and then the next game came along and contradicted the characterization I had come up with completely lol. I have been suffering from writer's block regarding that fic ever since, and I'm still not entirely sure if/how I'll salvage it. There has been many a day when I played with the idea of just straight up deleting it.

A Ghost Here Amongst The Living: I set out to write a fic that included the side characters surrounding Dimitri more, compared to the almost entirely player-avatar-focused scenes from the game, but then the word count ballooned and it was 4am and I didn't want to write a 14k one-shot monster, so I decided to split it into chapters... with the result that the side characters are barely in chapter 1. What was I thinking?

2. Anything that you’d like to write but feel like you’re unable to?

I have nagging brain worms for a long fic for every single fandom I have ever written for on AO3, each of which I feel unable to write for two reasons. The first reason is shared across all 4 fandoms: I already have 5 published WIPs and several unpublished ones and if I add any more I'll go insane. The second reason is specific to each work/fandom:

A follow up to "Ill Weeds Grow Apace" that introduces Cass to my Batman Arkham: Compendium. I have a plot and characters and ideas! I have also been out of this fandom for years and would probably have to re-read significant chunks of IWGA to remember where the hell I even left off. lol

A chronicle of Fury's time with the humans after Darksiders 3. I'd have to create a shit ton of OCs.

A multi time line fic where Byleth from FE3H starts out going down the path of Crimson Flower, regrets her choice, tries again, ends up going through all 4 routes at least once, and eventually manages to walk an Azure Moon path that lets almost everyone live. This one is 90% fueled by pure spite in sight of the subtle racism and not so subtle sexism and extremely unsubtle canon violations of a certain fic that already exists in this fandom, and I just don't think spite can carry me that far.

A MCU AU set after Avengers: Age of Ultron, in which Wanda, driven by guilt over having allied with Hydra temporarily leaves the Avengers under the guise of needing some time to mourn after the death of her brother, but actually ends up relentlessly pursuing Hydra cells, one of which turns out to be looking for Bucky. She runs into him, they team up, and bond over mutual trauma by Hydra and their struggles with adjusting to post-Hydra life (platonic bonding only). This my blatant desire to see two of my favorite MCU characters interact, and also reconcile the fact that comics Wanda is jewish yet movie Wanda allied with literal nazis, and also to get her out of that awfully boring love plot they put her into with Vision (I love Vision, but these two have zero chemistry, imo). That said, the spark I felt after Winter Soldier and Age of Ultron died a long time ago (and got buried 6 feet under by IW/Endgame), so...

3. How would you describe your writing style?

It's like a beaten path through a misty forest: starts with the misty forest (I sometimes write a thousand words of scenery/mood setting before anyone starts talking), then you get to the path (plot), but the entire thing is overgrown with roots and moss and flowers (characterization!)

[afairytalestray]

The Dawn of the Age of Skimblegus

One of the most underrated ships in all of Cats.

Part 9 of my Cats pre-canon headcanon series (masterpost here), coming at you after delay caused by me taking forever to write this rather long instalment basically from scratch! But anyway it’s here now, and we’re back on character backstories, this time: Skimbleshanks, Asparagus, and a wee bit of Tumblebrutus being a mischievous sunshine smol. This one is maybe the longest one I’ve done yet; this was entirely unintentional and unplanned - it literally came to me as I was writing it. There is far too little Skimblegus content out there so I am creating the content I want to see! Just a content warning to start with: this one gets a bit dark - there’s a character death. Nothing too gruesome, but it is there. However, due to who I am as a person, it does have a happy ending. Without further ado, please enjoy!

Skimbleshanks, despite having god-tier dad skills, never actually has any biological kittens of his own. He’s something of an uncle figure to many of the Cats in the Junkyard (and the future adopted father of Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer - coming in a future post), and is perfectly happy with his lot. In his youth, he was very much a free spirit. He had itchy paws, and when he discovered the trains he became obsessed with travelling up and down the country on them. His time on the trains became a delight to the human rail workers and regular passengers, and he became quite well-known as the Railway Cat - the workers even set him up his own little office (like Tama!). At first, he split his time fairly evenly between the trains and the Junkyard - as much as he loved to travel, there was one thing he loved more: his best friend Asparagus (Jr.).

Skimbleshanks and Asparagus grew up together and were nigh inseparable from each other for most of their kittenhood. Skimble couldn’t tell you when exactly his feelings shifted from platonic to romantic, it was a very gradual thing. Asparagus can - the first time Skimble went away on the trains for more than a day, he realised he missed him more than a normal amount and it quickly clicked into place. It was normal for Skimble to set off in the morning and bounce back in the evening, but this time felt like forever. Never being a shy one, Asparagus resolves to tell Skimble when he returns. Even though he doubts Skimble feels the same way (Y’ALL), he hates keeping secrets from his best pal, and he’s confident their friendship is strong enough to survive it.

But when Skimble came back the next day, he just couldn’t do it. Skimble was high as a kite; he went on for an age about all the things he saw, how amazing the trip was, how amazing all the trips were, how the longer ones were so exciting, how he wants to go here, there, and everywhere etc…. And all Asparagus can think about is that they seem fundamentally incompatible. Asparagus has always been a homebody. He’s quiet, likes the comfort of his own den, always being close to his family, and has never had that adventurous streak that fuels Skimble’s every move. And the thought that even if Skimble did feel the same it wouldn’t work, that is far too painful to entertain. He would want to be close to Skimble, but knows he could never be happy constantly flitting from place to place. He also could never ask Skimble to give it up knowing how happy it makes him. So, Asparagus makes the call to swallow it all down for now, and then let it go. This choice, unfortunately and unintentionally, causes a bit of a gap to grow between them, as Asparagus struggles to act normal around him and needs a bit of space to get over the feelings.

At this point, Skimbleshanks is aware of his own feelings, but for the life of him can’t work out how to express them. He desperately wants to, and is constantly thinking of new ways to do it, but keeps binning them when they’re not totally perfect. It has to be perfect! He also notices that Asparagus has been acting weird around him, but can’t get him to talk about it. It worries him, but he doesn’t want to push the issue, and he has his trains to distract him after all. A week or so later, he sets off on a multi-day trip, resolving that if Asparagus is still off when he gets back, he’s going to trap them both in the old wardrobe so they can hash it out properly, Skimble can confess and then they’ll all live happily ever after. 

There was nothing that could’ve prepared him for what he came back to.

Asparagus was right back to normal, albeit with the small caveat that he had met someone. A queen, a pretty ragdoll queen who was calm, clever and cautious, a little shy and reserved. When Asparagus excitedly introduced them Skimble felt his heart break, but he plastered a smile on his face and let Asparagus tell him all about how they met and how crazy their instant connection was. Asparagus had never meant to meet someone else, but he thought the best way to get over Skimble was to try and make some new friends, so despite his dislike of interacting with the general public and talking to strangers, he trotted on over to one of Bustopher’s clubs where he met Caorann. They both had a lot in common and hit it off right away, both of them bonding over trying to hide in the same corner since neither of them were comfortable in a room full of unknowns. Genuinely, the only other Cat Asparagus had had such a fast and strong connection with was Skimble, and since he had resolved to let his feelings for him go, he thought it would be a good thing to see where this might lead. The two of them fell in love quickly.

Skimble wanted to be furious, he really did, but he couldn’t. Caorann was nervous around him but always very sweet. Although she never knew about Skimbleshanks’ old feelings for Asparagus, she knew he was very important to him, and always strived to make a good impression. He was miserable and wanted to hate her, and at first couldn’t see how the two were a good match. But he could never bring himself to even dislike her, because it became very obvious very quickly that the two were more than a good match. Skimble, bless him, had never really considered the long term ramifications of being in a relationship with Asparagus, and was abruptly slapped in the face by all the same things that had occurred to Asparagus before: that the two were very different, and that their lifestyles just weren’t all that compatible. Caorann was a good match for Asparagus: neither of them were particularly adventurous, their idea of a perfect day involved little more than basking in a quiet patch of sunlight, and they shared the same lack of concern for the bustle and goings on of life outside their little happy bubble and the same desire to be comfortably settled. Fundamentally, at that time, Caorann was the better choice. Despite that, Skimble can’t help but think he might have given it all up for a chance to be with Asparagus.

But that hurt too much to think about, so Skimble went back to his trains, unable and unwilling to break Asparagus out of a happy relationship with someone else, but it never quite brought him the same joy as before. But it was a whole lot better than constantly seeing the Cat he loved in love with someone else, so he spent more and more time away from the Junkyard. The hurt lessened, after a while. It never really went away, but he found he was able to genuinely be happy when Caorann became pregnant, and vowed through joyful tears to be the best uncle in the world for little kitten Tumblebrutus when he was born.

On the day it happened, Skimbleshanks had recently gotten back to the Junkyard when a loud screech and a wail shattered the calm of the evening. Running towards the sound, the source was a sight that still gives him nightmares to the present day: baby Tumble screaming and crying as he lay trapped under the motionless bodies of his parents. It came out later that the three of them had gone on a family walk together, and on their way back as they crossed the road to the Junkyard, a car suddenly skidded round the corner and hurtled towards them as fast as lightning. Without thinking, Caorann and Asparagus threw themselves in front of their son. It worked. Little Tumble was almost completely unharmed, but Caorann was killed instantly, and they thought Asparagus had been too. However, as they were moved off of the road, they noticed Asparagus was breathing. It was extremely weak and laboured, but he was breathing.

Skimble can barely remember the weeks that followed. He only has flashes of burying Caorann, mostly remembering how it was wrong that Asparagus wasn’t there. All he can really remember was that everything hurt and was awful, and that he did whatever he could to help Jennyanydots, who took sole charge of Asparagus’ care (she and Jellylorum were already fully trained healers then, but Asparagus is Jelly’s little brother, and it was very difficult for her). He also tried to help look after Tumblebrutus, who was too young to understand what was going on. It took Asparagus a fortnight to wake up properly, and several more weeks to be able to move about independently again. When he woke up, he was deeply altered. He was in terrible physical pain, but also became emotionally despondent when he learned about Caorann. Skimble stayed by his side the whole time, trying to coax him into talking, maybe even smiling, and very gradually they made progress. Asparagus mourned his partner deeply, and was only able to pull himself out of it when he realised that Tumble needed him. It took a long time, but eventually Asparagus came back to himself.

To most other Cats, at least. Skimble was probably the only one who saw that Asparagus still had moments of deep sadness. To the others it just looked like he had zoned out for a moment, but Skimble knew those were the times when he was thinking about Caorann. These moments got easier for Asparagus to deal with over time, and although at times he missed her, it became pleasant for him to talk about her with Tumble, and he could remember their time with happiness instead of sadness, and eventually even realised that he was ready to try being with someone else.

The problem with that though, was that the accident had greatly damaged his body. He has chronic pain; he can no longer really dance like he used to, and can’t move around very far - leaving the Junkyard is no longer really an option for him. To his surprise, his old feelings for Skimble started to resurface. Although, he shouldn’t really have been surprised. Skimble had hardly left his side at all since the accident happened (the trains are in CHAOS), he’d been there through all the setbacks and progress, his meticulous nature shining through in his diligent care. He was such a constant in his life to the extent that Tumblebrutus was genuinely shocked when he learned that Skimble actually wasn’t related to him in any way (he basically sees Skimble as a second dad). However, Asparagus is more decided than ever that they wouldn’t work as a couple, seeing as how now he couldn’t join Skimble’s journeys even if he did want to. Skimble, though, is the deepest romantic at heart. He never stopped loving Asparagus, but knew he was needed as a friend first and foremost, so that’s what he was. He always says to himself that if they were ever to be more, he would never want to replace Caorann, so it would only be when Asparagus asked. So naturally, nothing ever happens.

Until Tumble puts his paw down. As he gets older, he struggles to understand why his two dads aren’t together. He knows about his mother, of course, but believes with his whole heart (correctly) that she would want them to be happy. He begins to plot ways to get them together, but doesn’t make much progress with the two stubbornly resistant Cats until Mistoffelees helps him. 

When Misto arrives in the Junkyard he’s looked after by Skimble, who introduces him to Tumble. Misto is painfully shy and quiet, but with Asparagus as his dad Tumble is very used to quiet Cats, and Misto becomes a tentative friend. By the time Misto is mated, more confident and moving out from Skimble’s care, he wants to thank him for everything he’s done and how kind he’s been, and asks Tumble for help. Tumble immediately tells all about how grossly in love his dads are, but that they aren’t together for some reason despite his best efforts. The two of them decide that the dawn of the age of Skimblegus is nigh, and come up with a plan.

The next day the two of them separately lure Skimble and Asparagus to a secret location under the guise of “it’s a surprise”, which works despite its simplicity as Skimble is very fond of Misto and Asparagus is Tumble’s loving father. The secret location is revealed to be a nice picnic setup, and the boys each leave their respective parent figure with the cryptic message of “do yourself a favour and tell him.” Skimble and Asparagus decide to play along, but all mystery is very quickly dropped, as the picnic is very clearly romantic and intended to be a date. Things are a bit awkward at first, but the two soon fall into their usual easy rhythm. That is, until Asparagus jokes about this being Tumble’s idea of a date (“I mean, it’s not like it’s bad or anything, but like, yeah…” “Haha, yeah, as far as romantic gestures go it’s pretty good.” “It is kinda romantic, isn’t it?” “It is a bit, but like, that’s not a bad thing of course!” “Of course! I can think of far worse dates to be on!” “And Cats to be with!” “Is this… I mean, are we, you know, on a date right now?” and so on).

And then finally, finally, it all comes out. Skimble finally reveals that he’s been in love with Asparagus his whole life, but never got the chance to tell him before, then didn’t know if he could or should after everything; and Asparagus says that he loved him before and again now, but just doesn’t know that it would work. It all gets very sappy and mushy, but they ultimately decide to give it a go. And it works! The two of them have always gotten along like a house on fire, but now it’s more, and better! Tumble is ecstatic, and of course takes all the credit for himself (with the exception of the 20% he grants Misto). Skimble does go back to the trains, he’s missed them, but now he spends maybe only ⅓ of his time there, and the other ⅔ in the Junkyard with his beloved Asparagus. They’re both extremely happy with the balance, and always spend hours catching each other up when Skimble returns. Although Skimble is very much still an adventure-seeker, now that he’s a bit older and more mature he definitely enjoys a long nap curled up with his partner! They’re a happy, healthy couple who support each other, make each other laugh, and make the worst dad jokes you can possibly imagine.

[sendmyresignation]

You Got Blood On Your Money

Question: how do you make honest art? Is this not the eternal conflict as a creator- how to stay genuine to yourself and your art without tripping into the pitfalls that lay within fame or money or popular culture? Every creator must grapple with the fight between being seen and being sold. But very few artists struggle with this quite as visibly as My Chemical Romance has. From the inception of this band, which has always been more art project than musical endeavor, its members have tried desperately to convey a bone-deep sincerity fundamental to their work. From their very first song, the band proclaims itself as a savior to a generation that had been stripped of their will in the face of unimaginable horror. At the same time, there exists within their music a commitment to storytelling, a desire to fill the empty space in rock music with narrative and macabre and emotion that had been absent. Both of these elements manifest themselves into a band that very seriously considered it their mission to save people’s lives, as well as to create deeply meaningful art. But how do you save as many people as possible without being corrupted by the spotlight? And how do maintain genuine storytelling as you get further and further from the basement shows you got your started in?

These are questions that permeate their music at every turn, something that haunted each album and made itself known in each new project. And while there are many ways to dissect this particular struggle in their discography, nowhere is it more apparent than in the dispute between Thank You For the Venom and its reimagined successor- Tomorrow’s Money. These songs are noticeably similar in their structure as well as lyricism and imagery but instead of the latter building off of the other, they are inverses of each other. And they speak to My Chem’s long battle with becoming a legendary band in the midst of also attempting to keep their identities as artists and outsiders. And in analyzing their differences, it becomes reflective of the band’s main career-long conflict between the commodification of their art and the need to create something larger than themselves. And the question remains, were they successful?

Before we answer that, let's talk about Thank You for the Venom. To begin, it's important to note that Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge is an interesting part of My Chemical Romance’s discography because ultimately, it is unconcerned with legacy, but instead is centered on the immediacy of loss and the reactionary pursuit of revenge. In a record overwhelmed with death and grief, there is very little mention of the afterlife for either the living or the dead- characters are murdered but there is very little textual violence. Characters come back to life but there is minimal discussion of how they died or where exactly they were in death. However, that does not mean Revenge is not devoid of mythologizing- it just happens to be about immediate intention rather than a long-term commitment. It is because of this reckless drive forward almost to spite the odds that allows for Venom to exist as the band's declaration- it is their call to arms. Specifically, the track is a pronouncement of My Chemical Romance as renegades fighting against the fake, safe bands writing hits for money instead of survival or purpose: they “won’t front the scene” if you paid them, after all, but are instead running from their enemies. And not only are they an oppositional force, but they are pariahs, targets- something you can try to kill but will fail at. More specifically, in “If this is what you want the fire at will” there is an element of martyrdom, the idea that they are not just a necessary part of the very structure of society but also there is the implication that killing them is to concede to their influence and a necessary part of their lifecycle. Once you get big enough to become a target, you inevitably will be shot down- that is the final step of a great and honest band’s success. This also feeds into the album's wider ideas surrounding revenge as a concept as the greatest revenge is finding success in the aspects of yourself and, by extension, the things you create that other people thought were worthless (I don't think it's a coincidence so much of this album is steeped in comic book imagery and art and mixing punk and metal and theater when those are things the band would get shit on for enjoying). At the same time, this theme exists as the foundation necessary to create an anthem of survival- revenge is the fuel that keeps the protagonist, as well as the band, in motion. Look at the specifics of their thesis- “Just the way the doctor made me” and “You’ll never make me leave” are both reconciliations with the self in spite of the prevailing narrative against them. That connects to the way this song is a statement of a savior and a martyr twofold- “Give me all your hopeless hearts and make me ill” as a representation of the band taking on the pain of others to keep them both alive. All told, in Venom there is perseverance in the face of a large, unimaginable adversary. It is a threat directed at your enemies. It’s living as free and ugly and completely yourself as you can until they shoot you down in a hail of bullets. And then even that end is itself a victory.

Here, at its core, Venom is really the singular instance in the entire album where the band reconciles with an image. And the image the band creates for themselves is as outcasts in opposition to the "scene" and as a revenge plot, proving to their audience the value of authenticity and survival and rubbing it in the faces of those who doubted them. These themes about what My Chemical Romance is and what their goals are is something they wrestle with for the rest of their career- how do you say lives, reach an audience, and remain a fighting force against the societal norm when you exceed your mission and become part of the fabric of popular culture? But that is for later, at this moment, Revenge imagines no future. Only this desperate battlecry.

By contrast, Tomorrow’s Money is dealing with the aftermath. Functioning as a cynical reimagining of Venom, the song is structurally, thematically, and even lyrically reminiscent of Venom to an uncanny degree. First and foremost, the songs are structured the same- a slow build-up into a whispered intro, a multi-part chorus, the exact same chorus-verse layout, and a strikingly similar solo. Looking at the two Toro solos more closely, they both feature more building up as well as tremolos, triples, darker tones, and what sounds like a slide progression just ripping through both of them. Tomorrow’s Money is mimicking Venom pretty clearly here- either as a direct reference or because Venom is so reminiscent of the condensed MCR sound that they’re ripping off to make their point. And looking deeper at the themes present in Money specifically, just like Revenge, there is a clear lack of legacy- “we got no heroes ‘cause our heroes are dead” calling back to the very real disillusionment of Disenchanted that’s placed specifically in a song about becoming part of the machine, being heroes themselves, to nod to the fact that the very mission of the band is dead as well.

Simply put, Money tackles similar issues as Venom about fame and audience and creating art while using much of the same language and metaphors to completely invert the claims found in the “original”. To start with, both songs use the verbage “bleeding” to associate with a kind of suffering for your art that was an aspect of their previous band ideology. Namely, it’s the idea that the audience makes the band ill through the “hopeless hearts” as much as the “poison” does. The “what’s life like bleeding on the floor” of Venom is paired with “you’ll never make me leave” is a statement of defiance and survival against the odds while still bearing the burden of other’s pain. Money, on the other hand, explicitly says they “stopped bleeding three years ago” as a rejection of this leftover martyrdom prevalent in Revenge especially.  But it also refers to their newfound luxury of comfort, they have a way to stitch themselves together that they didn’t have before. These implications transition directly into the ideas surrounding health, vitality and living- specifically surrounding both doctors and infection. Speaking of the former, Money has an interesting lines in “If we crash this time, we’ve got machines to keep us alive” and "me and my surgeons and my street-walking friends" because they speak to both becoming a part of the “industry” by mentioning mechanization but also specifically evokes the living dead. In the MCR canon, the idea of the undead (both vampires and zombies) are antagonistic forces that represent the outside world, specifically fake people or the music industry. And zombies, in general, are already rife with allegorical connections to consumerism, like how Dawn of the Dead, a known mcr influence, is directly about materialistic culture. Vampires, subconsciously or not, are often representatives of exuberant wealth as well as beauty and desire. They’re also blood-suckers and leeches that someone in this narrative has fallen in love with, as if colluding with the enemy and allowing them to literally drain them and their life force. Thus, in describing themselves as essentially undead (when they crash, they’re revived) as well as directly collaborating with the undead, they are connecting themselves to the very forces they’ve been fighting. But perhaps the most interesting aspect of this association is how they specifically relate it to survival, the only way of staying alive is to accept them, to allow themselves to be hooked up to the machines that make them undead in the first place. Almost as if you make it far enough not to tear yourself apart, you’ll eventually assimilate into and become part of the industry. 

This idea of unavoidable assimilation is compounded with the multiple references to viruses- “You're loaded up with the fame. You’re dressed up like a virus” then being reemphasised with “We’re gonna give it for free. Hook up the veins to the antibodies, got it with the disease, we’re gonna give it to you”. Both these lines condemn fame but also implicates themselves as part of the contagion that is celebritidom at the same time it depicts this process as unavoidable. Not only that, they’re the ones spreading it at the same time they condemn it. This duality, possibly even exaggerated hypocrisy is buried deep into the foundation of Money. Even the ending line, as angry and inflammatory as it is- still names them as complicit as the "I’ll see you in hell" implies that they're going to hell too. Looking even deeper, there are multiple references to the dilution of their message:  “Choke down the words with no meaning” and “The words get lost when we all look the same'' both representing meaninglessness in the lyrics while “the microphone’s got a tapwire” is reminiscent of wiretapping or even the surveillance company Tapewire, suggesting their words are under scrutiny, they are being monitored and that could be one of the reasons for meaningless words. All of these lyrics reference, with subtly or, in the case of the last one, very obviously about the sellibility and how rigid the label of “emo” is and how they couldn't escape it - they may not have gotten paid to front the scene, but they sure did inadvertently lead a cause. And being put in that position was clearly very stifling, striping them of their artistry. Even looking at the response to Black Parade, it's clear that popular culture at large did not appreciate the record for its genuine message but for the moment in time it represented or the aesthetics it called back too. In many ways it was taken at face value- “words with no meaning” or just another dark, death obsessed emo record. What Tomorrow's money is is a rejection of the glorification of suffering and nativity of Venom in the face of becoming pop culture icons but it's also, in a way, reconciling with a perception of failure and loss of creative control that will haunt My Chem for the rest of their years.

Ultimately Tomorrow's Money is representative of the band's response to the gradual shift of My Chemical Romance, as an entity, away from martyrs to an accepted part of the music industry and culture. How do you reconcile with that? In this moment, in a post-Black Parade era, they try taking everything down with them- becoming a whistle blower to their truth. But perhaps most importantly, this conflict lays the foundation for Danger Days as both critique of industry’s commodification of art, as well as the reutilization of the obsession with legacy and death in their next project -no longer can they let the machines revive them, they have to get out of the city, yell incendiary graffiti at the top of their lungs, and explode in brilliant colors. It was time to return to calls to arms. It was time to return to the power of not just of death but of living on long after it, the album the act of becoming folk heroes for a new generation. And while the bright lights didn't last forever, by scrapping Conventional Weapons and starting over in the name of artistic integrity they truly created a legacy of material unrivaled in its sincerity, reach, and cultural significance. 

As we know, the story didn’t end there. The final chapter used to be closed, and ending with "I choose defeat I walk away and leave this place the same today" as the conclusion of their career. This was not the explosion Gerard wrote about, not the doomsday device but a quiet goodbye, a silent curtain call. It's another round of disillusionment finally fully-realized. And yet, the Reunion seems to be a direct contradiction to their farewell- in some way they did come back because they were needed, because their absence was a gaping hole in music at large which suggests they did change things, that they do have a noticeable effect on the world they inhabit. Looking at A Summoning for even a moment, the picture illustrated to the viewer is that they are an otherworldly power. That they are an entity that you plead for the return of, the hero and the savior on clear display. And regardless of how you feel about the postponement, you can never talk away that fact- some force bodily brought them back in their narrative, that it was human interference that started the resurrection. And that it was primarily through art, especially that video, that they declared their forced-to-be unfulfilled intentions. I've always liked to believe that we've cycled back around, that the cynicism of Conventional Weapons and then later Fake Your Death has had its moment but now it's time to return to that world of rebellion in this era of the desert- the reinhabiting of reckless living and creation. Again, we must ask: what does it mean to make art for the masses? I don’t think we’ll ever truly find the right answer, but I think My Chemical Romance have always tried their best to solve the equation.

[ladyrhi]

I can hardly believe it.

I passed my 1st anniversary as a fanfic writer a few days ago, and I didn't even notice! At once, it feels like such a short span of time and an endless aeon.

While I'd been on the periphery of Reylo fandom since TFA as an observer, seeing TROS was the turning point for me, as it was for many. Ben's death, the grief Rey was denied on-screen, and the fates of the Skywalkers left me a mess. After a while, I finally opened up about it (rather bashfully) to the counselor I was seeing at the time, and you know what she said?

"Go rewrite it."

That initial challenge pushed me to pen When Angels Fall, which was nothing more than a heartfelt need to vent. After finishing it, I found that there was more of the story to tell, and that led to the creation of And Wash Away the Sky. Then, midway through writing what ultimately turned out to be a fix-it for the ending of TROS, I took a step away to jot down (what I'd thought to be) a one-shot where I tried to see whether I was capable of crafting an intimate scene.

And that one-shot became so much more...

While I've kept the original version of it under its old title, Bound to You, that brief stint into a moment of emotional connection between Ben & Rey transformed before my eyes. The day after posting it, I had a OneNote notebook filled to the brim with a plotted multi-chapter story that had my heart racing with the desperate desire to write. It was a daunting project (and sometimes still is) but I surprised myself when I uploaded Chapter 2...and then Chapter 3...

Before I knew it, I was creating the story I truly wanted for Ben & Rey.

That's how As Stars Through Our Souls was born. Though I'm far from finishing it, when I look back at all it's become, I can't help smiling. Despite the drama, in-fighting, bullying, and even abuse that I've seen and experienced within the Reylo community, I will never regret that I took that counselor's advice. Each and every piece I've created has made it worth enduring the 'Dark Side' of fandom.

What a long, extraordinary journey this has been. Thank you to those who've cheered for me, read the pieces of my heart that come in the form of very long, chonky chapters, and leave me comments that fuel my determination to see my self-imposed Herculean task through to the happy ending I've promised. I began writing ASTOS for myself, but I'm beyond glad to know that others have embraced it along the way.

So, so much love ~ ♥

[queenofpassion]

I'm a huge sci-fi/horror nerd & have been since the first time The X-Files aired when I was 9 years old & scared the shit out of me (the name Eugene Victor Tooms still makes me shiver lol) so that coupled w/ my love of space & science is what has inspired the plot of this story. Also the fact that there really have been things in the sky no one can identify. Makes ya wonder... 🛸This is my first multi-chapter story since the first one I wrote for Kazumaji so I'm excited to see where this goes. If you read this and like it, let me know - it fuels my drive more to write if I know there's at least one person who's enjoying it! 💕 Chapters: 3/? Fandom: 龍が如く | Ryuu ga Gotoku | Yakuza (Video Games) Rating: Explicit

Chapter 1

The upbeat, bouncy music combined with the boisterous, often overwhelming sounds of games and the chattering of people and children screaming filled the arcade in Theater Square as another yen was sunk into the UFO catcher. The maddening jingle came to life again as Kiryu directed the little spaceship over to the last remaining Bun-chan he needed to complete Haruka’s collection. Running out of time, he pressed the red button and watched as the claws opened up and descended down, catching the corner of the plushie’s head and tugging it slightly before giving up and returning to its original spot. Annoyed, Kiryu waited for it to completely reset and tried again. Just as he aligned it into position and pushed the red button, he heard a familiar laugh coming from behind him.

“Kiryu-channn!” A smile played at his lips at the obnoxious trilling of his name rolling off Majima’s tongue.

Kiryu watched bitterly as the claw narrowly missed the stuffed animal again before turning around to see Majima sauntering up next to him. His breath caught in his throat at the sight in front of him. Majima was clad in a crisp black suit and tie with a purple dress shirt and snake cufflinks that matched the one hanging off of his gold chain. Kiryu swallowed hard, he felt his pulse quicken at the sight of Majima dressed to the nines, his hair neatly combed and meticulously styled. He took a few deep breaths to calm himself, but only ended up making it worse when Majima’s cologne wafted into his nose, a woodsy, musky scent that reminded him of leather and pipe tobacco.

“Majima-no-niisan, what are you doing here?” Kiryu glanced back at the machine resetting itself again, waiting for its last turn to start.

Majima slid his body up Kiryu, pushing him up against the UFO catcher and pinned him there. He positioned his hands on both sides of Kiryu, effectively kabedoning him. “What, you’re not happy to see me, is that it?”

Kiryu’s eyes widened slightly. “No, that’s not what I mea-” Kiryu’s voice was cut off abruptly when Majima pressed his finger to his lips.

“I got all dressed up for ya and this is the response I get?” The low, husky sound of Majima’s voice sent a tingle down Kiryu’s spine that directly shot into his nether regions, much to his dismay. Majima waved his hands up and down his body for dramatic effect, his face pouting halfheartedly at Kiryu.

Kiryu could feel the blush rising up from his neck into his cheeks, the heat from it making him perspire. He started to worry Majima would notice soon. “Wait...what?”

Rolling his eye, Majima pulled his gloves off and tossed them haphazardly onto the filthy floor of the arcade which looked like it hadn’t been cleaned in a year. He slowly ground himself against Kiryu, making him choke out a throaty moan, his body betraying him. “I know everything, Kiryu-chan. Your little secret about me? Not. So. Secret. Anymore.” He purposely strung out the words as he walked his bare fingers up Kiryu’s chest playfully as he talked, twirling a few errant strands of his chest hair exposed by his shirt when he reached the top. Kiryu pretended that it didn’t send a ripple of desire through him, nor did it make his pants significantly tighter.

[f0xfordcomma]

Happy FFWF! Has there ever been a section of any fic you’ve written where you look back on it and find yourself impressed with yourself? If so, feel free to link the fic it’s from and talk about it!

Happy ffwf!!

I am genuinely so so proud of re:union, which was my kataang week 2021 fic. It is poetic without being pedantic and emotional without being saccharine.

I was really worried about writing a kataang breakup fic because I have read a bunch that are just... not... good. It is hard to keep them in character when splitting them up, but I think I did a successful job of keeping them themselves and letting them grow up and grow back together pretty naturally in the fic. (I hope.)

I really love the second chapter of this fic in its entirety, but I am also pretty proud of this section, which describes the why and the how of their separation (its from chapter three).

Three years.

They loved each other for three years after the war.

Then, for three years after that, they tried, tried, tried to stop.

The love never went anywhere, though. Not really.

He needed to go. She needed to stay.

She wanted to go with him, but the hospital needed her more.

He wanted to stay with her, but the acolytes needed him more.

Maybe this is for the best, they told each other. Maybe we both need time, space, to grow, to become ourselves. They had been young, everyone was not shy in reminding them, when they had gotten together. Perhaps, they had not yet been fully grown up. (Though, they both knew that this wasn’t true. They were young, yes, but they were grown. Had been grown. Had needed to be grown.)

He left, and she stayed, and they promised not to make any promises to one another. Not yet, not like this.

He wrote letters about his travels and the restoration process. He asked questions about irrigation and economics for Sokka to advise upon. He relayed funny anecdotes about the acolytes and the lemurs and, encouragingly, the newly discovered baby bison. He drew pictures of the views and sent along trinkets he found.

He wrote love letters. He wrote a lot of love letters. He told her how much he missed her, how much he wished she was with him, how much he wished he was with her, how much, how much, how much. He never sent them.

She answered his correspondences quickly, diligently. She’d get Sokka’s input. She’d share the stories with their friends. She’d include her own stories. Of the children she healed and the healers she trained. She pored over every word on every page he wrote. Her fingers tracing the looping scrawl of his handwriting. Wondering if the love, Aang held the multitudes that she read into it.

She went on dates. Four of them, to be precise, each one worse than the last. She was well past marrying age in the water tribes and the northern benders that came to study under her tutelage always asked about her status, seeming shocked that such a talented young woman was still single at 21. She resented the assertion that she was incomplete without a man nearly as much as she resented the fact that she felt incomplete without one, without him.

For all her great accomplishments, for all the ways that she was making a name for herself in her own right, divorcing herself from the lingering title of  “the Avatar’s girl,” she knew, in the silence of the night, that it had been one of her proudest titles.

Incidentally, this chapter has also left a lingering wip idea that I have been trying to ignore because I have TOO MANY WIPS but I would love to someday write an entire multi-chap fic entirely through letters that they wrote to one another throughout their lives. I kind of got this idea out of my head with my kataang 100 for the prompt alone... but really, writing that only fueled the fire of desire for moarrrrrrr kataang correspondences. So.... add that to my wip list, I suppose.

[animaniachan]

Happy Belated April Fools!: A3! Camel Tenma Imagine

…yes, you’ve read the title right

…no, i don’t have that kind of fetish

…but also yes, i’ve also just wrote a 1.5k+ words imagine on a camel (in reality this took me about a week to fully figure out how to camel)

i would like to point out that none of this would’ve happened if not for the lovely @currywaifu for dragging me down into this hell. 99.9% of the credit for this imagine goes to you even though i am the one who wrote it. so i figured that since i’m already here, ima drag all of you down here with me ;)))

on that note, i would be opening imagine requests for this blog very soon but dear god not about tsundere animals, this is not in any way indicative of how the future writing projects on this blog are going to go…maybe.

anyways, prepare yourselves and enjoy…i guess

ao3 version: here

NIGHTMARE FUEL WARNING

—

“Mm…” your previous drowsy eyes were forced open to the bright sunlight beaming down at you. “...Where the hell am I and what am I doing here?” you glanced around, confusion clearly littered in your hues. What you are witnessing before you is a vast, open field of vibrant green with not much more to offer other than some lonely trees spread out in the distance.

You had no recollection whatsoever about your current situation. The last vivid memory you had was your visit with your celebrity, carrot-head boyfriend at the Mankai Dorms since today was the one time when he actually had a day off. “Seriously...where the hell is this place…?” Since there’s no point in simply standing around like an idiot, you’ve decided to explore this vast pool of greenery, hoping to discover at least some sort of clue.

However, your hopes to discover anything quickly dissipated as the field seemed like it was stretching infinitely with no clear signs of an end. It was at that moment that an indescribable sense of despair took control of your entire being and you hopelessly collapsed onto the green cushion below you.

In contrast to the beautiful scenery around you, your mood was like a wilted flower as you slowly scrunched your knees up and buried your head into them. You know that the waterworks would kick in very soon while your only wish at this point was to leave this mysterious hellhole so you can see your boyfriend again and jump into this arm for comfort and finally STOP this god forsaking nudging sensation on your head and, and…

Hm? Nudging?

You suddenly realized the gentle yet weighted sensation that would periodically brush against your head was not just your imagination playing tricks on you and was very real. Relief began filling in your wounds of despair as just the thought of another individual being here with you is more than enough comfort. You swiftly glanced up to the source of the contact in hopes of finally receiving the information you’ve been desiring for all this time.

However, the second you did so, all the thoughts that previously occupied your mind was sucked into a boundless black hole. The world seemed to stop flowing around you as you were met with the most gorgeous amethyst hues you’ve ever witnessed in your life. The sharp gazes pierced through you like arrows and it was then you noticed the long lashes that complemented those perfectly-shaped eyes. With a breath hitched in the middle of your throat,  you can’t help but be completely mesmerized by those crystal clear hues. Incidentally, at the same time, a strong sense of nostalgia emerged from the depth of you, they reminded you of someone, almost as if you’ve stared into the exact same hues before...somewhere…

At that point, you were so deep in thought that it resulted in you simply staring blankly back at the intense amethyst gaze. It wasn’t until you saw that they eventually broke contact with your own hues in a very awkward and uncomfortable fashion that you’ve realized you’ve been staring for much too longer than you had originally anticipated.

“Ah— I’m so sorry! That was very rude of me to stare! The truth is, I have no idea where this place is and was hoping that you could help me—” desperately trying to redeem yourself from the previous rudeness displayed, you bowed hectically like a maniac while asking for forgiveness. It wasn’t until you’ve glanced up again how large the figure of the individual actually was. The first to come into view was their abnormally long yet muscular legs, then it proceeded to a very broad yet protruding back, lastly you traced their body line all the way up to their long neck before finally receding back to those gorgeous amethysts which stood out amongst the pool of orange. “...What?”

T-This is what you think it is...or is it? As dumbfounded as you are by your recent discovery, your brain cells have somehow managed to process the identity of the individual before you. 

This is...a camel, right? What the hell is a camel doing in the middle of a meadow!? 

In contrast to your actual feelings, the orange beast seemed to think of your reaction to his figure a form of compliment, evident by how it arrogantly puffed its chest out and gave a good ol’ proud huff in response.

...I wasn’t praising you, that was all shock, you proud idiot… The phrase that floated into your mind was all too familiar since it was your go-to response to the occasional idiocy of a certain carrot-head actor. “I swear...just when I started to get hopeful again...why?” Today has been an emotional rollercoaster and just when you thought you’ve already made it down the first slope, there seemed to be an even larger second slope ahead. The dam that had previously managed to contain your tears previously broke down once again. Sorrowful sobs continuously escaped your lips and refused to cease as you vigorously tried to wipe away your tears.

However, what you didn’t realize was the flustered look the camel gave after seeing you suddenly resolve into tears as if it’s trying to say, “why did you suddenly start crying!? You were just fine a minute ago!” Your sudden outburst of emotions managed to put this camel into a panic frenzy as it desperately looked around as if attempting to find a source of comfort to calm you down. Though, its efforts were futile as the lack of resources around you could be comparable to a barren wasteland.

All that it can do now is look down hopelessly at your slumped state while having a mental battle with itself about the next course of action. Then, after having seemingly arrived at a viable solution, resolution flickered in its glittering amethyst orbs. After letting out a huffing sigh, the majestic orange beast lowered its lengthy neck to eye-level with you and leaned in as gentle as it can muster to be to not so much lick, but instead offer a gentle peck to your teary eyes with its furry snout.

Completely caught off guard by the action that is absolutely unbefitting of a camel, your overwhelming emotions came to a halt as you stared back at the animal, mouth agape. “You...what are you…?”

“Mrrorahhh…” To your question, the camel simply responded with incomprehensible camel noises. Of course, it was a camel, what did you even expect. However, somewhere, you felt, its emotions came through.

“Are you...perhaps telling me to stop crying?”

“Mrrorahh.” Once again, the camel cried as if to confirm your inquiry.

“Hehe, thanks. You’re right, crying’s not going to change anything,” honestly, you couldn’t believe that you were just comforted by a camel as you wiped away the last of the tears that streaked down your face. “You’re surprisingly a very smart and kind camel eh? There, there, thanks again.” Without thinking, you reached out and gave a few loving strokes on the animal’s head. Though, the second you’ve done so you felt it tense and freeze in place like a statue. Uh-oh, did I somehow offend it by petting it? Wait, can you even offend a camel in the first place? Oh god, whatever you do, just please don’t eat me… “S-sorry, I kind of just instinctively did that- huh?”

Of course, you’ve brought up your guards as soon as you detected the camel’s odd actions since you didn’t know and didn’t want to know what it could do to you if it went off a rampage. However, what happened next managed to send all common sense you’ve come to know in your life down a limitless black hole.

What you’ve witnessed was the animal before you once again averting those brilliant purples away from your own though this time, a deep shade of rosy pink was dyed across its entire face. T-This...this is what I think it is right? I never knew that camels were even capable of blushing… So you do learn something new everyday…

“Pfft...hahaha! What is this? You’re so adorable! Oh my god, I can’t- my stomach hurts!”

In response to your maniac laughter, the very same one you would use to make fun of a certain actor, you could’ve sworn the camel gave you a glare that suggested, “what the hell is so funny and don’t call me adorable!”

“Ahahaha...ha...you know, even though you’re a camel, you remind me a lot, like a lot of someone I know.” The camel whipped its gaze back towards you again at your nonchalant comment. It narrowed its perfectly shaped eyes and offered you the gentlest and kindest gaze as if it understood your words. And in response, as much as you hate to admit it, your heart definitely skipped a beat under those warm and kind eyes. What is this feeling…?

“-i, [Name], -ake up!”

No, this is a camel! There’s no way that I’m being captivated by a camel-!

“Wake up!”

Besides, even if I did feel this way, there’s no chance in hell since I already have Tenm-

“[NAME]!!”

Your eyes shot open almost as quickly as your body which basically catapulted upwards and resulted in painful contact with whatever it was that lurked above you. “Ow!”

“OW! What was that all about!?”

“Eh? Tenma…?” The first thing that descended in your field of vision was your orange-haired, multi-talented actor, and extreme tsundere boyfriend who was now holding his forehead in pain from the lovely headbutt that you’ve just offered him. Still not registering the full extent of the situation, you glanced around your surroundings in a daze before realizing that you’re in Tenma and Yuki’s room of the Mankai Dorm and that you’re currently laying on Tenma’s bed.

“Geez… I don’t know what to be more baffled by, the hardness of your head or the fact that you can fall asleep in a duration of a phone call.”

Ahh...so that’s what it is…

The second the puzzle pieces clicked into place, a new resolution was formed inside of you as you wordlessly leaped off your boyfriend’s bed and made your way out of his room.

“Oi, [Name], where are you going?” Not used to not hearing a familiar comeback from you, Tenma began to get worried as he hurriedly followed after your footsteps.

Meanwhile, your silent search finally came to an end as you found the one and only you were looking for in the living room, “hey, Tsuzuru-san?”

“Mm? What’s the matter, [Name]?”

“I have a request for the script of the next summer troupe show,” you stoically stated just as Tenma finally caught up to you.

“Oh? Well, let’s hear it.”

“...can you please cast Tenma as a camel for his next performance?”

“...huh?”

“WHY!?”

[emeraldtawny]

Author Interview

Thank you for the tags @claire-maccarthy and @toloveawarlord~

Name: I go by Tawny more than anything else. I will respond to Brooke though (since that is my name :3).

Fandoms now: Most active: Ikemen Sengoku, Ikemen Revolution, Ikemen Vampire Prefer to lurk: Obey Me!, Mr Queen: Love’s Choice, Code Realise

Want to do in the future: More Steam and console otomes (super looking forward to Collar x Malice and Piofiore no Banshou when they’re eventually released on Switch).

Where you post: 99% of my stuff is on tumblr. However, I do use AO3 for my longer multi-chapter fics.

Most popular one-shot: “Locks of Love”. I really enjoyed writing this one so I’m glad it’s as popular as it is uwu.

Most popular multi-chapter story: “Not Good Enough”. Nice little angsty adventure with the Oda warlords. I have another but it’s unfinished so I’m saying it’s this one gdujfxng

Favourite story you wrote: Hmmmmm, probably “Take A Break”. I was just soft and happy writing that one so the positive feelings have stuck around since.

Story you were nervous to post: Any AU hendkfgmrkd. I always feel nerves because I wonder if people will like it or not.

How you choose your titles: Something that’ll explain the fic in one word/sentence, an important keyword from the story itself or, when all else fails, symbolic metaphor.

Completed: Uhhhh....around 138 fics across both tumblr and AO3 (give or take).

Incomplete: All of them bar one are multi-chapter AU fics bndfkcgmd. IkeSen Modern AU (just need to write Kenshin’s...eventually), IkeSen Sex Worker AU (I’ve been stumped on that one for a bit so who knows when that’s getting revived), IkeRev Kyle multi-chapter fic (it just...stopped dead, that one gbdxcignkdx. another one where idk when it’ll see the light again), IkeRev Drug Dealer AU (now THIS one I know what I’m doing, I just need motivation).

Do you outline?: Sometimes. I always have a general blurb that I write for myself to keep checking back to as I’m writing a story. For my longer inter-connected stories, I have an outline.

Coming soon/Not yet started: On hiatus atm but when I’m back in gear, my first priority is to finish the Drug Dealer AU. Have another little project that I’m working on in secret but that’s very much a “chip away whenever I can” thing :3

Do you accept prompts?: I tend to open my askbox in bursts and then close them off after a certain amount of time. At the moment, they’re closed but hopefully I’ll open them soon~

Upcoming story you are most excited about: Definitely my Drug Dealer AU. Is it obvious I like this one? gbdnfkgmdflc. 

What do you use to edit?: I got that free Grammarly boooooiiiiiiii! Otherwise, it’s just me catching my own dumb mistakes.

Writing setup: Me on my bed, hunched over and ruining my back as I type on my laptop with some form of instrumental music in the background.

Do you use a beta reader?: I will ask some people to read over my works occasionally when I’m bone tired and can barely process words anymore hndifcgmdflc.

Where do you get your writing inspiration?: I want to share my ideas with anyone who will read them, although I will only post what I create if they meet my standards. Most of the time, an idea will smack me in the face out of absolutely nowhere and at a time where I can’t write it down for later (...thanks brain). But also, the desire to scream about my bois fuels me like I’m possessed >:3

Can we get a quote from an upcoming WIP?: Why, of course ^w^ “Each small shift in her movement - whether to snuggle further into the pillow or to mumble mindlessly from her no doubt peaceful dreams - warms Zero through, the numbness plaguing him gradually warded off by just her presence alone, unconscious or otherwise. He sighs again as he watches her sleep, still too tense to smile with his lips but what he feels is shown clearly within his deep azure hues.”

~

Tagging @shannie-writes aaand....everyone else has likely been tagged at this point. Anyone who wants to, go for it~!

[lupihero]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; mun & muse - meme.

tagged by: @bxstiae​ thank u!! tagging: anyone who wants to do this ♡

fill out & repost ♥ this meme definitely favors canons more, but i hope oc’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. multi-muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

My muse is:   canon / oc / au ( has au verses ) / canon-divergent / fandomless

Is your character popular in the fandom?  YES / NO.

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

Is your character considered strong in the fandom? YES / NO / IDK.

Are they underrated?  YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO / MAYBE.

Were they relevant for the main character?  YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

Are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO / MAYBE.

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL.

How strictly do you follow canon?  —  pretty strictly. tbh i think i could do with a little more canon-divergence but i usually focus pretty hard on canon and diverging too far in my own muses, unless they were poorly written, tends to bother me.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.  —  need a sweet country boy with a heart of gold who loves hard and fast and considers everyone he loves as part of his family ? how about a boy that can kick your ass to the sacred realm and back with his bare hands and a dizzying amount of strength ? how about a big friendly wolf that really doesn’t act all that much like a wolf but is big and soft and a really nice companion ? a boy that carries on and sees the best in people despite his trauma ? a boy who’s an absolute fucking dork and loses his mind whenever he sees a cat ? will smith poses @ link

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).   —  he’s the protagonist, he’s too nice, too likable, and he might be, from some perspectives, super overpowered. a lot of his flaws are issues that come with a lot of protagonist characters, like selflessness to a fault, recklessness, a desire to help no matter the cost, etc., and it might come across as overdone or unoriginal for someone like him.

What inspired you to rp your muse?  —  twipri has been my favorite video game of all time since i first played it the xmas after it came out, when i was 7. it was an unbelievably huge influence on my life, and got me through a whole lot of shit i’d have to go through up until i was a teenager. it was a constant for me, a comfort. and link, being the protagonist, was of course the center of it. i connected to him really hard, and becoming him whenever i played the game was like magic to me as a kid. honestly, i dont know why i didnt write him until this year, because he’s been such an easy headspace for me to slip into for years. ig i just figured it was about time? id already written both tp zel and midna at separate points, so it was only right to complete the trio ksjfgh

What keeps your inspiration going?  —  the game itself, its soundtrack, art, linked universe and its little fandom, and you guys! just seeing all of your posts and your passion for loz and its characters helps fuel the love i have for it too!

Some more personal questions for the mun.

give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO.

Do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO. ( i have. built up a lot of hcs about this boy over the years )

Do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES / NO. ( i usually do write drabbles every now and then, idk why i haven’t for link yet )

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day?  YES / NO.

Are you confident in your portrayal?   YES / NO. ( hmm i mean. i think i am, anyway?? i like the way i portray him, but i guess im sorta insecure about whether or not yall like my portrayal lmao )

Are you confident in your writing?  YES / NO. ( more or less, it depends on the day. back when i was a Gifted Kid my Gift was writing, and i was literally always chosen to read things i wrote aloud at school assemblies and things, so i. very much have a love / hate relationship w it )

Are you a sensitive person?  YES / NO. ( i mean. i try really hard not to be but :’^) )

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?  —  tbh, i don’t know?? i usually do with other muses, but bc twi is very special to me i have literally no idea how well i would take it. of course, if u do have criticism ( of the constructive sort, of course ), i still welcome it

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?  —  yes!!! if you ever have anything you wanna know about twi and the way i write him, please ask!!!

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?  —  nope. unless it’s in the context of sharing hcs back and forth and building on each other or part of a friendly conversation, i don’t want to hear why you think i’m wrong. i still think about that personal that rb’d a hc i made a month or so ago and put in the tags all the reasons they disagreed w me and i wish i didn’t bc i hate it

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?  —   i?? dunno??? i guess i’d just tell them to unfollow. i’m not here to write link the way you think he should be written, i’m here to write him the way i want to.

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?  —  hkljfg does anyone hate link??? like. he’s link. he’s neutral at worst. but it’s not my business if someone hates him, so to each their own ig

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?  —  mm i don’t mind it, but i don’t really see the point. rp is a form of writing that doesn’t need much editing, and when it does, we are our own editors, so of course we’re going to make mistakes and overlook them. english is a complicated and hard language, and typos/misspellings/grammar errors happen and it’s not a big deal

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?   —  yes!! i’m a very laid-back person in general i think, and of course i have things i won’t tolerate and i’ll speak up when i need to, but at the end of the day rp is a hobby, and it’s something we do to have fun, and i know that having fun is the most important part of doing this. though, sometimes i think my anxiety & fear of confrontation might make me a little too lenient on things like my own rules tho kjfhg 

that’s about it, congrats for filling out!

[iraklismytridis]

Starseed Syndrome: Learning to Have Compassion for Yourself

Starseeds and lightworkers have come here to earth to help earth in her Ascension. They’re not a new innovation because they have been incarnating on earth for a long time, steering the people of this planet towards higher consciousness. In duality, there’s a positive side and a negative side to being a starseed/lightworker. The negative side is that you can feel different from others on this planet, like an outsider. This can lead to a whole host of difficulties as you traverse this lifetime towards self awareness.

You learn to reject yourself because you feel different from everyone else. It starts at a very young age before you can develop any conscious understanding of what you’re doing. If you come from a dysfunctional family, this habit of self rejection can become a disproportionate problem which keeps you from alignment with your soul.

Characteristics:

– You have a pervasive sense that there’s something wrong with you – Why don’t you fit in, why are you different? – Why do you see things differently, why do you feel different? – What’s the matter with everyone else? Why can’t they see it my way? – Why do people love everything and you have a problem with it? – Why are you bored with others? – Why do people do that? Don’t they know better? – Why can’t you behave like other people? – This leads to an inferiority complex – Empaths who are unconscious are particularly at risk of feeling different because they are sensing the emotions of those who are disguising them at surface level. Often life experiences are incongruent – the inside doesn’t match the outside and people are perplexing to you – Having been born into a dysfunctional family only exacerbates the feeling of being different; it really takes on a context of being “flawed” rather than different – People tell you you’re weird or different, never admirable – You tend to stay alone rather than with others, you get labeled as anti-social – You get bored a lot – You learn to fear people who bring out this feeling of being abnormal (arguers, instigators, perpetrators), you fear their reaction to you because you see it as further proof of your strangeness and inability to cope or to fit in – Instances of rejection by others fuel your self rejection complex- you think “all these people can’t be wrong about me!” because you keep getting the same reactions from different people. You don’t understand that these reactions are prompts to change brought on by universal law, not evidence of the undeniable truth of your being flawed. – Feeling of needing to fit in, while all the while fighting the desire NOT to fit in, you become conflicted. This can make you appear to be indecisive, which prompts more negative reaction towards you so you become secretive and alienate others – You become very hard on yourself, all the while trying to fit some standard that you’re not interested in anyway – You become confused. Life perplexes you because you need to understand yourself in order to understand how you see it. – Your outer appearance is a mask to cover up your inner experience.

Not understanding who you really are and where you’ve come from, you may find all sorts of other explanations for why you feel different. As a child, I reasoned that it was because I was tall. Later on I felt different because I was overweight. My somewhat ample nose also supplied an excuse, it must’ve been because of that. Thinking primarily as a physical being, you tend to blame your physicality for your feeling of being different and the self rejection you are perpetrating upon yourself. This can have further ramifications later on as you develop a poor body image and possible eating disorders.

Or maybe it was because the other kids were good at gym class and I frankly couldn’t stand it? I didn’t like volleyball. I didn’t get picked until the end of the team formation either; these types of events only added to the self rejection. You take every slight as further evidence of your strangeness. You rationalize everything as further evidence to support your case against yourself. You beat on yourself because you can’t appear to fit into the standard – you’re not athletic, or you’re not intellectual, or you’re not pretty or handsome, or you’re not musically inclined. Anything you can’t manage to look even passable at, your ego will hound you for failing at.

When we begin to develop telepathically, when we begin to understand we see things others can’t, when we begin to understand that we live in a world that others don’t comprehend and worse, one that they think is imaginary or foolish, this can add to the self rejection. When it became apparent I had psychic abilities as a teenager, that was another thing that made me different and set me up to further reject myself. As a teenager, I wanted desperately to fit in but hung out with the “out” crowd because that’s how I felt – like an outsider.

Understand that your attempts to fit in tend to repress your budding multidimensional abilities and slow down your Awakening. Not accepting what you are capable of inhibit these abilities. You are literally in a battle between wanting to fit in to your earth life and blooming into the starseed/lightworker you were born to be.

I sensed that being different would not help me in future. I feared being different but I was fearing my destiny. I saw one girl after the next get picked as desirable by guys in school while I stood there, waiting for once to be the belle of the ball. I was a very shy person growing up.

I kept looking for places for misfits to hang out at, wanting to socialize with people like myself. That was until I discovered alcohol. Inhibitions left me as I further revealed my superficial mask. I became the life of the party. I’m now 20 years sober.

Having studied spirituality later on in my 20’s, I attracted attention as being somewhat of an expert. I was welcomed for my knowledge in this area. This was a relief because whatever it was that I had done in the past nobody else seemed to be interested in. I always had to bend to their will and do as they were doing, and in so doing, I lost whatever sense of self I had. I was fated either to bending to their will to appear normal or striking out on my own to attend spiritualist churches, lectures by astral travelers and seminars by animal communicators. I was alone. Nobody I knew wanted to talk to their cats.

Starseed Syndrome will morph into all kinds of false ideas about yourself because you don’t understand why you feel different. This trait you have of being self rejecting will come out whenever you’re at odds with life on earth and it will take flight like the Goodyear blimp on helium whenever you feel rejected by anyone. It can morph into self hatred for any number of reasons, with the fact that you’re inexplicably different from others on earth as being the core reason.

Nip it in the bud now. Understand yourself and love yourself for all the wonderful things you’ve chosen to come here to do. List them if you have to. Look back to all the times you helped a blind lady cross the street, helped a blind man in the subway and rescued a cat. Write them all down. Read about other lightworkers doing great work and understand you’re like them.

Which brings me to the last point I need to make about Starseed Syndrome. Until you learn to have compassion for the bright spark of light that volunteered to be born here on earth, to help an entire race of people survive an extinction event, until you feel with your heart for that beautiful spark of life, you will continue not to accept yourself every time you have a fall-out with another earthling. All those old voices of “You’re weird,” “What is wrong with you?” “Why can’t you get along with anyone?” “People hate you!” will continue to haunt you.

And the dark will continue to send its minions your way, just to keep reminding you.

Starseed Syndrome has to be healed. This lack of self acceptance has to be met with compassion for a change. You’re a beautiful being who has sacrificed much to come to earth to help those who are mean to you. That’s an incredible act of love and courage.

Keep telling yourself the truth of who you are every time the dark sends a minion to anger you, upset your life, go into battle with you. Refuse to fight these little skirmishes. There are bigger fish to fry.

You ARE different and it’s because you’re different that this world will thrive again. It’s because you’re different that the Light is shining on this world once more. When you learn to embrace the positive things about yourself and understand that the negative things are ideas you surmised out of ignorance at a time in your life when you were developing and didn’t know any better, you can then let them go.

Understand what you’ve come here to do, have compassion for yourself and learn to validate yourself and your multi-dimensional experiences in a world where few will.

Many of us choose the path to the Light through negativity for the reason that it must be healed in the collective. Understanding this about yourself will help in your healing and of others’