#but my gma is already helping me with car payments.

[werewolffem]

i don't want to but i am desperate and running out of options. i am not able to get any more fast checks from work and all my bills are piling up on me and i cannot find any extra money, i haven't even bought groceries for more than 3 months. i have even tried getting money from men but being a uhhhh lesbian and men being stupid, i just...can't do it.

i have to get my cat to the vet. she is constipated and i have attempted other things that could work/trying to minimize any hairball issues she could have which included shaving her and bathing her and hairball treats and whatnot but nothing is seeming to work so i need to get her to a vet.

this is ohime. you can tell her coat is long which i am thinking caused some hairballs to constipate her.

there is a relatively cheap vet here though in a smaller town that has good work. i am trying to get an extra $100-$150 so i can pay for the treatment she needs. even if you can't help if you could help boost around and maybe someone could possibly help?

my venmo is @dezzih or paypal.me/dezzi3 or cash app is $dezzih3

thank you!

[septimore]

I dont wanna talk about it yet

Rant tw death

.

Back at the end of January my gma passed and we from an aneurism that shed had for years. We all knew that was gonna be the thing that got her, it's the thing that got her father too. So the whole family was prepared and she had funeral arrangements sense the 80s. But it was the 1st time someone I knew died. 2 days later my bfs brother brings up his moms 14 year old dog because she had to move out of her house and into an apartment and had too many pets. This dog was my bfs dog when he still lived at her house

I really funneled my grief into nurturing this old deaf dog and making sure she was comfortable. We took her to the vet over the last 3 months and got her cauliflower ears- not quite fixed- but better and she could hear the air kicking on and she could hear cars passing by. About a week and a half ago we asked the vet if we could put her on arthritis meds, and that really helped her. But the last 2 weeks, right before we put her on meds she wasnt really eating much, still drinking water tho.

And we were putting little pads down because she was having problems going down stairs to pee. The day before yesterday she pooped in the house and when o went to pick it up it was black. Google says that's blood in the upper digestive system and the vet was closed so yesterday morning I had my bf call the vet and ask if we needed to take her in or take her of the meds or.... what was going on. Our vet was at another animal hospital for a few days and the vet tech scheduled us to take her there today at 10.

Our dog also was kinda staring off into space and zoning out alot and breathing kinda hard starting the day before yesterday. So I was waking up every hour last night and checking on her, and she was dozing in and out but still not breathing easy, this morning I woke up and we had an hour before her appointment and I was petting her to calm her down and she died while I was petting her

Man , I'm crying writing this

So my bf started freaking out, said to call my mom (who was our ride to the appointment) and while I was talking to her he called his mom and was yelling at her about giving us a dying dog. After he calmed down a little he called our usual vet and asked what we need to do and they said bring her in to our usual place.

So my bf kinda looked at me when he was off the phone and I said I can carry her down

We went to the vet and they came out and grabbed her and asked about what we'd like to do now about cremation or burial and my bf just froze because we hadnt talked about it and he hadnt even thought of it yet

I had a little so I told her cremation and they said that we can worry about payment when we pick up her ashes but like

Guys. My dog died while I was petting her. I've been avoiding thinking about my gmas death from January because my gma and i talked on the phone like once a week and I went over to my moms where she was staying like twice a week. I am not going to be doing okay but I dont think I'll post much about it on tumblr, probably just gonna deal with it on my own

And i gotta make sure the bf is okay because that was his dog when he was like 15 and gotta check on my mom because she watched the dog twice a week while we were at work, and this is the first thing, animal or human, that's passed sense her mom

Idk guys. I feel a little better after having typed stuff out, my notes are full of lots of things like this. But idk why but I want this one is on tumblr

And my sister just messaged me so I'm sure mom told her already

Man I'm gonna have to work tonight

I didnt call out when gma passed either. I was scheduled 2 days off when that happened and my 1st week at work was brought, but I made it through my shifts

[lilragekitten]

Lol, I’m already so over this holiday season. SO MUCH under the cut oops.

Last night I had a guest check in (well, I didn’t my co-worker did) and the credit card was declined. Grandma was supposed to pay but there wasn’t enough to do the security deposit for the four nights stay, not even for one night. 

(I don’t know about you, but every single hotel I’ve ever been too, I’ve needed A) a credit card (in my name unless someone else was paying and then they had to email/fax over a permission form with all the details) and B) enough funds plus extra (anywhere from 15$-600$ extra one memorable occasion) to cover my ass and the hotels ass.)

Coworker gets in touch with Gma and she says there’s only a 500$ limit on the card and that they can come by later. Guest at counter were tired after a 7 hour drive, so they’re let into the room to nap (as the wife said she was going to do.) At 4pm, Gma comes in with Gpa and his CC. I ask if we’d be able to run for the four nights or are we just doing one, as the guests have said that they’d pay for the remainder of the stay, not a problem, they just don’t have a CC. Gpa says that no, there’s not enough there but we can do one nights worth. I ask if this card can be used to PAY for the one night I’m doing a hold with and he says sure. I asked TWICE bc they... did not seem to understand. 

(what’s super hilarious is that I’ve spoken to Gma on the phone about this reservation like two weeks ago confirming we need a valid credit card at check in to do a hold on it and she said okay.)

I explained as simply as I could “Your credit card is not being charged at the moment, it’s a hold on it for the 190$ which is for tonight’s stay. At check out, in four days, then we will process it as a payment for 187.57$ and that’s when you will be charged” “Oh okay... Can I get a receipt now?” “No... because I haven’t charged you anything so I do not have a receipt to give you. I will after check out, when it’s been paid for.” “Okay but I wont be here, I need a receipt” “We can email you the bill once your family leaves in four days, and your card has been charged then.” “......” He stood there staring at me legit HOLDING OUT HIS HAND. “But how will I know what you charge me?” So I gave him a business card, wrote 187.57$ on it and said. “At check out, this is the amount your card will be charged. You won’t be charged until they leave though. Do you understand?” And he stared at me some more, another guest off to the side look confused and amused, and He asked one more time for a copy of the receipt. 

I sighed heavily and laughed tiredly. Because I couldn’t NOT anymore. “ I don’t have a receipt TO GIVE YOU because you HAVENT PAID FOR ANYTHING yet.” and I turned to help the next guest. I thought that was the end of it.

Oh No.

At 440pm, I get this woman stomping up to the desk. I do not know this lady, I haven’t seen nor spoken to her. “Hi can I help you?”

And Good Lord. 

“YA YOU CAN HELP ME BY GETTING YOUR DAMN STAFF STRAIGHTENED OUT. I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS. I CALLED A MONTH AGO ABOUT THESE RESERVATIONS AND I WAS TOLD I NEEDED A CREDIT CARD BUT I DIDNT HAVE ONE SO IT WOULD BE OKAY FOR GRANDMA TO COME IN AND PAY FOR THE ROOM AND NOW YOUR STAFF IS CHANGING UP ALL THE RULES?”

“....Um, can I ask who you are?” (because it’s better to have confirmation before assuming, omg, it is not good to assume anything)

“YOU KNOW WHO I AM. I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS, GRANDMA CALLED AN WOKE ME UP IVE BEEN SLEEPING WITH THE BABY AND NOW I HAVE THIS TO DEAL WITH I WA SIN A CAR FOR SEVEN HOURS AND I CAN’T BELIEVE I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS BECAUSE YOUR STAFF CAN’T DO THEIR JOBS”

“okaym but may I know your name ma’am?

“OH YOU’RE GONNA LEARN MY NAME YOU’RE ALL GONNA KNOW MY NAME I CANT BELIEVE THIS. YOU’RE CHARGING THEM 500$ FOR THE ROOM WHEN I WAS TOLD ALL YOU NEEDED WAS ASECURITY DEPOSIT AND-”

“What room are you in ma’am?”

“yOU DAMN WELL KNOW AND NOW YOU’RE CHARGING THEM 500$ WHEN THAT’S THE LIMIT ON THEIR CARD AND THEIR ALL UPSET-”

“Are you XXXXX in -” (I asked bc I was getting tired of being screamed at. She wasn’t just raising her voice, it was a high pitched shrill of ‘I wanna speak to your manager’ except there is no manager, only JennerJen and I am Tired and you’re causing a scene Brenda (not her real name)

“YES IM xxxx IN ROOM xxx!! AS YOU DAMN WELL KNOW AND I-”

“Ma’am, I’m not the girl that served you earlier, can I explain what I actually have done?”

“Oh.” Yeah... she stopped.. and stared at me. (later on she admitted we all looked alike, dressing the same (uniform) despite my like 6 or so inches on my coworker, my brown hair vs her red, my glasses and her not... BUT ANYWAYS)

“Yes. Sorry for the confusion, your family members didn’t really seem to understand what I was doing. I did take a security deposit, but only one night, as you can see here *showed her the transcript* for 190$. I told them that you and your husband would need to come to the desk to pay for the remainder, that is what you had said to my coworker, yes?”

“Yeah that’s right. Grandma called saying you had taken all her money and that we needed to pay on top of that.”

“Grandma was wrong.”

“Oh. Okay well they should be here soon to give the card-”

“They were aleady here, about an hour ago.”

“But she JUST called me and woke me up? Is she coming back?”

“I don;t know, I don’t need her to, but I do need YOU guys to pay for the room for your stay.”

“Oh yeah no, that’s not a problem! I completely understand, I just don’t get why she says she’s coming back then? Man, what the Hell?”

“What the Hell for sure. Sorry, I tried explaining it as simply as I could, and I didn’t want to bother you.”

“Oh yeah no for sure, I would’ve lost it” -starts laughing

“I hope you gave Grandma shit for waking you up”

“Yep”. 

She became my best friend for next fifteen mins, talking about getting drunk at Hanson and kicked out, how when both of us travel we prefer not having housekeeping usually,*This is Important* etc and then her hubby came in.

“What is up with your mother? Why did she call me? You guys made me yell at this girl?”

“Why did you yell at her?” *Me secretly going YES WHY?!?!?*

So they go off, come back to pay a little while later and I ask hubby, ‘Hey earlier we were chatting and your partner mentioned she normally doen’t like housekeeping, is that right? You don’t want service tomorrow? (Today- day after they checked in-Guests were to have service normally, but the night of 24/25/26th they get a rate of 100$ because there will be no staff in. (between 1/3-1/2 the rate off) He says, “Nah, I think we’ll take it, when do they usually come?” “Anytime between 8-4pm” okay let you know”

Well.

My girls finished at about 425. Theses guests came back at same time. The girls were just finishing rooms, and ended up clocking out when Hubby came to desk asking about service. I apologised and said that his room wouldn’t be getting done, but what did he need, I could go do it. He asked for towels. I brought towels. I see Wife in breakfast room feeding baby I ask if she needs anything else, she says “Oh god no, we’re fine, don’t worry, but maybe something for the diapers? I don’t want the room to smell” So I said I can go collect the garbage. “Oh no! That’s okay, is there like a bin or something?” I point to the big garbage shed outside but I tell her that she doesn’t need to do that. I can provide several garbage bags, put the diapers in them, tie it off, put it in hallway and then call the front desk so we can throw them out. She perks up “omg that’s perfect thank you so much.” 

So I go to room, drop off bags, inform hubby of ‘the plan’ and ask if there’s anything else. he says no. Comes to desk like five mins later all pissy. “So let me get this straight, there’s no housekeeping tomorrow or the next night for the discounted rate, but I had to pay full charge for today and I still don’t get any service?” I apologised and said that I had spoken to his wife and went with her decision and he’s like “NO I Specifically requested it last night here” (Yeah.. um no you said you’d let us know and then didn’t??? also your wife is a scary bitch and I don’t want to upset her again okay???) “We won’t be staying the final night now.” (they had only paid for the first three after anyways, and declined using Gpa’s CC to actually pay for the room)

I am Just So Tired. And I still get to see them tomorrow night. 

I also went to high school with the husband. LOL. Ugh. 

[revlatte]

Holding out hope?

Let me share with you a brief history about my car ownership….

 Car One was a 1989 White Pontiac Sunbird. It was my cousin Starla’s car. I had tons of great memories in that vehicle. Well, after my friend Mike and I stole my brother’s car for a joy ride and Mike totaled it, my brother then took my car. Once he returned the car, it was on its last leg. I had less than three months of enjoyment in that car before it died on Laurel Bush Road. I remember that day, my Mom drove past my friend Evan and I as we were flagging down a police officer to help us figure out what was wrong with the car.

 For the rest of high school, I would bum rides with folks in the National Honor Society, my Dad would give me rides, and sometimes, I could drive my parents’ cars to school.

 As an undergraduate student at the University of Tennessee, I did not have a car at first during my freshman year. My family would provide rides when and as they were able. I will never forget the day I tried taking the bus to my doctor’s office off of Middlebrook Pike in Knoxville, Tennessee. I waited for what seemed like hours for the bus to come back and pick me up. It never came. I called my Aunt Missy to give me a ride and as always, she was there. I would get up at 5 AM every morning, eat breakfast, then walk 2. 6 miles from my dorm to the Police Training Academy where I was a cadet. Shortly after arriving, we would be forced in to “PT.” Clearly, I was already exhausted. I was also a full time student. In the afternoons, when I was lucky, family would arrive to pick me up.

 Later that semester, my Uncles, Aunt Frances, and Gma pitched in to get me my 2000 Ford Focus ZTS. She was beautiful! Cranberry with Black tinted windows. I loved her.

 By the Fall of 2008, she was on her last leg. FORD – Fix Or Repair Daily – Found On Road Dead. Issue after issue with her. I had put on over 160,000 miles in the four years she and I were together. She was sold to a man with a sob story. He got over on me and my Dad.

 From that point on, I would drive my Dad’s Buick LeSabre when he let me. On Mother’s Day 2010, a pastoral colleague of mine sold me her 1997 Honda CRV for $1. What a blessing! I LOVED Sally (that was the CRV’s name). Sally and I rode for a long time.

 By the winter of 2011, it was clear I needed a much reliable vehicle. A vehicle with some stronger heat would be fantastic! Trying to branch out on my own, I purchased a 2008 Chevrolet Impala. It was a great car but boy was that gas expensive! Nevertheless, it was my car. I had the CRV for getting around town and the Impala for longer trips and business. Well, issues began creeping up with the Impala. The car dealership would not fix them though I had a warranty. As I started to look at the loan paperwork, I realized they lied! By the time I went back to the dealership, they had closed. No one could be found or contacted. I was stuck with this car with serious mechanical issues and there was no one to talk too. I stopped paying on the car because I wanted to give it back! They paperwork was wrong. The car I purchased did not match what was on the paperwork. A year and many states later, the car was repossessed.

 Facing this repossession, terrible credit, but having a great job and nothing in savings created a ton of issues. My “only option” was another car loan, high interest rates, and $2500 down. I called my parents for help. They gave me the $2500 and an earful and I got the only car I was able to qualify for on the lot. A 2002 Pontiac Grand Prix. Again, I was upside down in a car loan and paying way more than what the car was worth. What were my options? I had to get to work in something reliable. From the beginning, there were issues with this car. When driving it, I could feel something slipping in both the brakes and transmission. My partner at the time did not have a job, verifiable income, and even worse credit than I did. We, like many working poor, were in a corner.

 Working poor? How did I get from being solidly middle class to being a college educated member of Phi Beta Kappa with a Master’s degree and graduate certificate from Harvard? I was now the working poor. The mental anguish and emotional weight of this realization was tough.

 Well, we traveled back down the road in our old “hoopties” to Knoxville, Tennessee. Once there, my Uncle helped me get out of the mess with the Grand Prix, which was beginning to have issues. My cousin took it, once it was paid off, and was excited just to have transportation. The CRV was acting up and it was time to go. A tree fell on top of her and ended her life.

 Inevitably, the call to my Mom took place. I was in a tough spot. Again, my partner had little to nothing to contribute. My Mom and Uncle mulled over the possibilities. My grandmother has extra vehicles sitting at her house, that was an option. Taking my Mom’s car was an option. My Mom was considering buying a new car and letting me have her car. That was an option. Finally, it ended on my Mom giving my Uncle $10K for his son’s car. This car was my Uncle’s former work vehicle, so, it was relatively reliable. Now, I was in debt to my mother, again, for a vehicle.

 Within just a few months of getting the car, my partner and I both began to notice some very serious issues. Had some folks check it out and there were serious issues with the transmission. Estimates were $6-9K for the full repairs. Fuck. It was time to sell. My partner could not legally drive due to her seizures when we first got the car, so having the one car worked fine. Now, we were in a different situation.

 We sold the car that my Mom bought for me and used the cash to buy two cars: a 2000 Cadillac Deville and a 1998 Cadillac Deville. We took a friend who “knows cars” with us to buy both vehicles. He looked at them and test drove them and said everything looked great and he had no reservations.

 The 98 Deville began giving us problems and the window stopped rolling down. We got it fixed and poured over $1500 in to repairs and inspections. The 00 Deville was fine at first. Great air conditioning, smooth ride, and then it began overheating. Over $3000 went in to fixing that car until we realized we couldn’t drive it for longer than 15 minutes without serious overheating and leaking. Damn. We got taken on both vehicles. Eventually, the 00 Deville died on a back road one day and we fixed the 98 up enough to be able to give it to a friend. Those cars gave us over 2 good years of use. In the midst of this, my former partner left in the middle of the night and I had both vehicles. That sucked…

 As I was fleeing from Asheville and re-configuring life, it was clear that I needed a more reliable form of transportation. The 98 Deville had been my go-to vehicle for years but had been getting more and more tricky to navigate. It broke down on the way back from the Trump Rally in Hickory, North Carolina and I realized at that point, it was time for something else. Something better.

 Once I was offered my new position, my partner and I began to research our options for a better, more fuel efficient, vehicle that could be used for the family and work. I purchased a 2014 Nissan Altima with 28,000 miles. It was the only car on the lot that I was approved for, that worked in my budget, and the auto loan company (GM Financial) would approve. Initially, the offered me a payment for 72 months. It was my goal to pay off the car within a year and use my January 2017 bonus to pay it down substantially. All was well. Until the place I was working was weeks late to getting me my first paycheck, thus making me late on my initial car payment. Again, when I was fired they were over a week late in processing payroll (most likely due to cash flow issues), which caused me to be late on the car payment, again.

 Now, I am in a situation where I am typing this post and looking at on the car and wondering what the future is. What is the future for Black Cherry (the name of our car)? What is the future for me? How will this story end? Of course, Black Cherry needs some TLC and maintenance. Who can afford that?

 I recall the auto industry getting a bail out but what about the American people? What about people like me? Folks who are over qualified for most jobs and would have to work at least two full-time jobs just to break even? Folks like me who are now the working poor? What do we do? Where is there hope?

 Why should you care about me and my car issues, my car history, what does this all mean? I don’t know…because I am a person? Because this story could be you? Maybe it’s just to witness the immense amount of pressure and stress that I, and others like me, deal with on a daily basis. Unemployed, unemployable with stacks of bills to the ceiling, medical debt, student loans, rent, utilities, car payments. No, I’m not asking for a hand out, maybe a sustainable plan and bail out. I called GM Financial and they said I could: get someone to “drive and pay” (take over the payments), ask family members for a loan (are you serious?!), sell the car and pay the difference (voluntary surrender/repossession), or work harder to find a job. That must be it, I must not be working hard enough to find a job.

 Having a car as  reliable transportation is a privilege and I am grateful to have the privilege of transportation. I just wish it wasn’t so damn hard to live and be in this society.

 It is true that Obama saved the American car industry. What are we doing for the American car industry consumers?

 I’m struggling just as many are struggling and somewhere deep inside of us, we are hoping for a better future. For a future with more ease, stability, and peace. I have to hold out hope that is possible, somehow, someway. Until then, I will continue to do whatever possible to keep Black Cherry in the family. Somehow, I have to muster up the strength to believe in hope. The struggle is still real....